#i do actually have a post in my drafts about a silly moment where i lost time and came to with a completely different tumblr acc logged in

[allisonreader]

I'm in a mood, so below are some more personal ramblings.

This hasn't come up recently, but I find that in this particular moment that I am thinking about it. And that is most people's perception of me, both in person and online. I find it so interesting that the general perception of me is this bright, bubbly personality that can lighten the mood with my smile. (Obviously this is extremely a generic description but it is apt. As I have been told it in some variation throughout my life.)

But quite literally since at least kindergarten, the two most common comments on my report cards throughout my school career were about how I was a delight to have in class and my smile always lit up the classroom with my particular knack for procrastination mentioned shortly after.

I've always been the one with a smile to the point where more than once in high school when I had a more neutral expression on my face, I had people ask me out of concern if something was wrong, when nothing was.

So anyways I do think that it's interesting that this perception of me even bleeds into how I come across online. That this "sunshine and rainbows" sort of positive personality shines through what I write and post, even though I feel like it doesn't always. But I've had more than one person make comments that say exactly that to some degree. Bright is often used.

And I guess why I'm thinking about this right now is because at the moment I certainly don't feel bright or bubbly. Right now I feel a touch lonely. Which aches across the chest.

A big problem I have though is that I like to bury and ignore that feeling sometimes. I will sometimes reach out to people, but will I admit to why I'm trying to contact anyone, no. Because why admit to loneliness or anything else? Not when you can bury them down deep. I'm not looking for any advice, because I know what the solution is. It's getting out there, reaching out to people whether I want to or not and going and doing something. (Here enters procrastination once again.)

Anyways I just needed to write that out currently. And now this can get lost in the void. Though I am up for a chat.

[redeyye]

are you still a system

i think that's a question for my therapist

[aptericia]

Not proud to be here.

--

Ok, here goes draft like 5 of this fucking post. I spent 4 hours tossing and turning in bed last night thinking about this, and then this morning I found a tumblr post that really helped me understand what I was trying to say.

The post talks about how aromantic "advocates" claim that "aros don't take up resources, so there's no reason not to include them!" And if that's actually what people believe, I think I can finally articulate why it is that I feel so alienated in queer spaces.

It's because aspecs in general aren't "welcomed" by much of the queer community. We're tolerated. We perhaps get the luxury of not being contradicted on our own identities, or not being specifically kicked out of LGBTQ-only spaces, but that's the whole point: what we get out of the queer "community" is people NOT doing things, not actually doing things FOR us. And that, frankly, is not enough. We deserve conversations about us. We deserve to have others consider our feelings, even when making lighthearted jokes. We deserve varied, respectful representation in media. We deserve the active deconstruction of amatonormativity in society. We deserve to have space made for us, rather than at most being told we should "go take up more space!" ourselves.

Of course, the reality is that my being aspec is a personal matter that does not inherently affect anyone else. But the same can be said for literally any queer identity. Your being gay doesn't say anything about me, so of course I shouldn't hurt you for it, but why should I help you either? Because your happiness and comfort are important. The same goes for aspecs.

And most of the time, I don't even need anyone to make space for or expend resources on me; I can live fine in everyday, non-queer-specific places without mentioning my identity at all. But it's the queer community that claims it will make that space for me, doesn't, and then acts defensive and morally pure if I call out the hypocrisy because "we're queer too, you can't erase our identities to advocate for yours!!!!"

Again, this post isn't about specifics. I have queer friends who are incredibly thoughtful and supportive about my identity, just as I have non-queer friends who are. I find more solidarity in aspec-only communities, as well as trans/genderqueer ones, although there are still many exceptions. This post is also not about amatonormative ideology, which is extremely common from queer and non-queer people alike. This post is about the reason I've felt so betrayed by the queer community.

--

On a personal note, I remember being so excited when I started identifying as aromantic (and later asexual). Fitting myself into labels has been a lifelong struggle for me; to this day I still can't confidently say if I'm White or PoC, neurotypical or neurodivergent, abled or disabled, cisgender or not cisgender. I continue to struggle making friends because I don't fall into social cliques. To discover that I officially, certainly, was LGBTQ+ lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. And now I'm just so sad to find that despite that, I'm still stuck in the middle. I didn't get rewarded with a community. I still feel alienated from both queer and non-queer people. I know it was silly to get my hopes up when there's such vast diversity in both groups, but it really was a disappointment. Going to my first Pride parade last year was really the moment where I realized this.

[muniimyg]

+ extra ! in our forever

series m.list

note: omg hiii ??? helloo ??? okok this was supposed to be posted for yoongi’s birthday... then i planned it to be written in time for my birthday/bts birthday... now it’s being posted mid summer.... like hello? where did the time go? i felt so stuck writing this extra because it feels more like the ending than the actual ending ? does that make sense lol... i planned to write their first kiss scene but honestly i don’t think i’ll be able to do so [unless i get the random urge to write it instead of studying for a final or smt] ! hoping to back more regularly when my work schedule stops being a bitch <3 slowly but surely,, my fics will continue to be deleted off my notes/drafts and pushed out frfr. thank u all of ur patience ,, i TRULY miss u all... laughing with u guys after every update literally gave me a reason to wake up and have smt to look forward to. i look forward to all of ur love and support for my upcoming / ongoing works. 

muwah muwah ,, kimi 💛✨🥂

ps… it’s lengthy y’all 💀 it’s to make up for being so mia HAHHAAA

warnings: smut & angst ,, MY FAVE DUO <3

taglist requests are closed !

taglist: @j3nnie101​ @tarahardcore​ @bbsantc​ @jeonqkooks-main​ @whoa-jo @ellesalazar​ @exhibitachol​ @pamzn​ @floweryjeons​ @boraength​ @4ksj​ @joonsjuice​ @taegijns​ @avtrns​ @taegix94​ @bloopkook​ @jihopesjoint​ @firesighgirl​ @vantxx95​ @damn-u-min-yoongi​ @yoongukie-ff​ @hopeworldjimin​ @thisisaburnphone​ @pb-n-juju​ @xjiminsthighsx​ @miss-rainy-days​ @percyjacksonlovesannabethchase​ @whitefoxgirl​ @slutforheeseung​​ @lovelytaes-blog​​

In the midst of the airport chaos, Yoongi finds you standing with a stupid sign that looks like it was decorated by your preschool students. 

It’s times like these when he can’t help but smile at how insufferable you are. Why are you so fucking cute? Standing there, looking for him in the sea of strangers with your warm greeting. It’s a sight he wishes to last forever. It makes his stomach turn knowing that it’s him you’re waiting for. It’s him you’re here for. 

It’s him. 

As usual, Yoongi finds you first and continues to let you look for him. He waits for your eyes to find his before he picks up his feet and makes his way to you. You smile, unable to hold yourself back from making your way to him as well. 

As you do so, Yoongi gets a closer and closer look at the sign. At that moment, his heart skips a beat, realizing that your preschool class knows about him.

The boyfriend. 

It’s such a simple label. It even sounds silly to say and even so; he never gets used to how it makes him feel. How excited he is to be yours and how others react to it... Something about little children running around the classroom, knowing their teacher ____ is loved and has a boyfriend makes him so happy. 

God, it’s so fucking embarrassing and it honestly doesn’t even matter... But why... Why was it consuming his mind so effortlessly? 

Though these thoughts and daydreams are so easily executed in his mind; being your boyfriend—the mere title of it—has him in shambles. He will never get used to this privilege. So, it’s only natural that he wonders if you talk about him to them just as much. He wonders if they’ve asked you any silly questions like... If you two have ever kissed or if you two were ever going to get married.. Better yet; if you have any babies with him...

All valid questions 3 year old's could ask you! Even more valid questions for your boyfriend to ponder. 

You talk about your students so much. Like, it’s a little ridiculous! You talk about them as if they’re yours. With that, the idea of having a family with you is prone to linger in his mind. However, that’s way down the line..

He’d have to propose to you first; marry you second, and then have children with you. All the while, loving you forever. 

These thoughts, though dramatic and honestly a little extensive—consume him. It’s a little strange and overwhelming considering that you two haven’t been together for that long. Not to mention, he had just left for nearly and month. 

Yet, isn’t that how you two bloomed anyway? Testing and proving that absence does make the heart grow fonder. 

He gulps as he watches you rush to him. You squeal as he picks up his speed and meets you halfway. There, you practically fall into his arms. 

Nothing is better than this. 

Yoongi has only been away for three weeks, but it feels like it’s been forever. You’re so used to having him by your side and these past three weeks just felt like torture. All the texts and photo updates were simply not enough. If anything, they made missing him even worse. 

But that’s all over now.

Now, he’s here. He’s kissing your cheeks and holding you close. He doesn’t think he’ll ever let go.. Why should he? 

“I missed you,” Yoongi confesses in a rather whiney matter. It’s as if he wasn’t the one that left for a trip.. You clearly remember asking him if he really had to go. Then, he pouts with eyebrows knitting together. You tilt your head in response. “Ace...” 

You snicker at his whine.

“What?”

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“Hahahaa! Yoongi, you just arrived—”

His lips crash into yours, kissing you so profoundly that your back arches and melts into his touch. Everyone is probably looking at you two—ever so the dramatic couple.

Oh, whatever.

You missed him too.

The boys are all patiently waiting for Yoongi back in his apartment. 

As you unlock the door, Yoongi drags his luggage in. Immediately, he’s greeted with a wave of affectionate yells and shoves. His friends, ever so the gentlemen, push him around so much until they all end up on the floor. Laughing together, you watch them help each other up. 

“We’re grown men. Stop embarrassing me in front of my girlfriend,” Yoongi reprimands his friends as he dusts himself off. The guys roll their eyes in response and you even scoff. 

“She was late to a game and you cried about it—”

Yoongi corrects his friend with a technicality. “I almost cried.”

“Same shit!” Jungkook laughs at Yoongi’s sad attempt to save face. He then wraps his arms around Yoongi and looks up at him with bambi eyes. “You know.. I’m really glad you’re back.”

“Why?”

“Because I was promised cotton candy if I showed up to your welcome home dinner... So where the fuck is it? Give it to me. Now.”

The boys exchange looks with one another. “Jungkook, we actually don’t have any cotton candy tonight... But, don’t you want to be here and spend time with us—”

“Fucking liars!” Jungkook flips everyone off before pushing Yoongi aside and exiting his apartment. 

Everyone stands there for a moment, unsure of what just happened.

“Did he really just leave?” Taehyung bursts into laughter. 

Before you know it, everyone joins in. Laughing together because Jungkook is so unhinged... Also because you all know Jungkook would be back in (give or take) 20 minutes.

Why?

It’s not like he has other friends that would put up with his dramatic ass. 

As expected, Yoongi kicks everyone out. 

They all hurry out, leaving a bit of a mess behind. You shake your head as you collect all the dishes and bring them to the sink. Soaking the dirty dishes, you scrape off any extras and set them aside. Meanwhile, Yoongi is in charge of sweeping, mopping, and putting anything Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook played with away. 

“How the fuck did Nam Joon manage to leave his sock here?” 

“His what?”

“Sock. He left one.”

You throw your head back, laughing and recalling how chaotic tonight was.

“He didn’t even drink that much tonight... I think you drank more than him,” you comment, turning to face Yoongi. He pauses on wiping the table and rolls his eyes at you. 

“Nam Joon is lightweight.”

“Yeah?” you challenge him, “what are you?”

“Wanna find out?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Let’s see how sloppy I fuck you tonight.”

You send him a glare, trying your best to mask your amusement. How could he be so unhinged? “Min Yoongi!”

“Yes, Ace?”

“Behave!” 

He shrugs at you. “I’ve been behaving.. Don’t believe me? Punish me tonight.”

You gag at his line. He laughs a bit as you make a cringe face at him. “Is that why you wanted me to sleep over?”

“No,” Yoongi slurs. You raise your eyebrows, eyes softening, with a small grin. Yoongi folds; “... okay, fine.”

You chuckle.

“Shut up!” He defends himself.

“I didn’t say anything!” With that, you burst into laughter. 

To put into perspective, the idea of sleeping over occurred after a very mature and communicative compromise. The compromise was that Yoongi had won 2 of 3 in an intense rock, paper, scissors game and you (have to because you lost) decided to spend the next week in his apartment. This would be a great time to reconnect and catch up on his trip. Regardless if he called and texted you every day during it; it’s different seeing his face light up as he relives his stories. You love listening to him talk about the things he loves—oddly enough, you’re all he can talk about these days.

Nevertheless, Yoongi tells you about how great his trip with his brother was. Seeing a bunch of NBA games in real life made him feel like he was doing something for his inner child. He talks about how much his brother bickered with him and how their taste in food was exactly the same so every time they went to restaurants; they would argue about who should get the other dish instead of both of them ordering the same meals.

You’re glad he’s back. 

Having your friends over tonight was such a good reset and time together. Now, the night concludes with cleaning with the love of your life. Could the simple things in life get any better than this?

Your thoughts are put on pause as you feel Yoongi’s arms wrap around your waist. As you continue to rinse the dishes, he rests his chin on the crook of your neck. 

“___,” he murmurs into your skin. You put the last dish on the dishrack before turning your body to be face to face with him. Tilting your head at him, a little confused with the underlying look of seriousness on his face. “Do your preschoolers ever ask about me?”

“Hmm?” you hum, unsure of what he means. “What about you?”

Yoongi purses his lips. “Like.. Do they know I’m your boyfriend? Who they’re making a sign for and shit?”

“Well, to be honest… We’re not really allowed to be talking about our personal life—”

“Bullshit.”

“Language,” you warn him. 

He kisses you in apology. 

“My bad,” he pouts. “Come on, ___. You’ve talked about me to them, haven’t you?”

You laugh, not quite understanding why he’s suddenly getting so heated about this. Sure, you’ve mentioned him once or twice.. How could you not? You’ve been in love with Yoongi for so long; it’s practically second nature to you. “Why do you care so much?”

Yoongi huffs, letting go of you. In a stiff manner, he shrugs. “I mean… The sign was made by them, right? They must know about me.”

“Umm, sure,” you roll your eyes. It’s not like this was turning into an argument or anything… But it’s just such an odd direction for the conversation to be going. “Aki, they’re a bunch of 3-year-olds. What does it matter if they know about you or not? I just asked them to help me make a sign because I was running out of time—”

“Do they ever ask you about marrying me?”

Your eyes widen. 

“What? No!”

Yoongi blinks. 

“Do you not want to marry me?” Yoongi crosses his arms, leaning against the kitchen counter. His chest tightens as he begins to feel offended. “Why’d you answer like that?”

“Like what?” you slightly panic. 

All his words are so new to you. He’s never been this straightforward… Or has he? Have you simply missed how seamless and blunt his words have been because you’ve been so into him? Suddenly, you can’t think straight. Now, you’re really confused. 

Was he getting angry?

Was he hurt?

From what? What did you say that’s triggering his reaction? You try to run it back, but it’s too late. Yoongi takes a step back and asks; “do you not want to marry me?”

You’re tongue-tied, unable to answer him. 

He scoffs. “You’re so fucking annoying.”

“Woah,” you instantly feel offended. “You can’t just bring up marrying me and then call me annoying for needing time to process what you just asked me!”

“Why do you need time to answer it? It’s yes or no. Do you want to marry me or not?”

You glare at him. “Are you proposing?”

“No.”

“Then I don’t need to answer right now… And honestly? You could tone down the intense attitude. We haven’t seen each other in 3 weeks… Why can’t we just have a nice evening together?”

Yoongi sighs, slightly feeling more flustered. He takes a deep breath and surrenders to the feeling of hurt. 

“I think I’m gonna crash at Hobi’s tonight.”

“What?” you groan in disbelief. Is he actually serious? “Yoongi, this is your apartment. You won that stupid rock, paper, scissors game and I’m here. I had to switch my shift for tomorrow to be here with you and now what? You’re just going to leave me here?”

… And before Yoongi can think of a proper response to deflate or change the course this moment; he lets his sharp words cut through his lips. “Well, pardon me for not being in the mood to spend the rest of my evening with someone who I thought saw a future with me… Kind of a mood killer, you know? When your girlfriend is practically dating you to break up.” 

“I never said—”

“Drop it, ___. It’s whatever.”

Your face softens and you can’t help but tear up. His anger feels sharp and abrupt. 

“What now? Did I fuck up again?” Yoongi says coldly. 

You shake your head, eyes fluttering the tears away. “No, it’s okay. I know you’re upset.. But it’s Ace, you know? You always call me Ace. I haven’t heard you say my name in a while. It’s like you’re actually mad at me or something..”

Yoongi stays silent. 

You never expected this. 

A whole week passes by and the most that has happened between you and Yoongi since are pathetic “good morning” and “good night” text messages. You two avoid each other and barely replied in the group chats. You’ve picked up extra shifts and Yoongi has been spending most of his time with the guys, with his brother, or alone. Thank god he warned the guys not to reach out to you regarding the argument.. Yoongi knows he was wrong to get so heated up so quickly… But also, he knows deep down his feelings were valid. 

It’s so stupid. 

The way he has been handling this entire thing is so fucking lame. He knows it and you know it. You both are acting like such babies—unwilling to communicate and understand each other. To be fair; you two have never reached the part of an argument where it actually made one another upset. This was the first time and it’s honestly the worst fucking thing you two have gone through. 

It’s sickening. 

It’s painful waiting for his calls and missing his daily updates… Avoiding eye contact and hesitating to hold your hand when you two are around each other. It doesn’t help that you can’t even remember the last time you two kissed and held each other since his arrival home. It has practically been a month since you two have been together together. 

Now it all aches. 

It hurt him to think that you couldn’t see a future with him when he knows his future is you. It ached so much to see the way your face went blank… Why were you unsure? Has he not given you all the reassurance you need? Has he not been doing enough? Was the 3 for 3 not good enough? … Rather, will he ever be good enough?

All these questions flooded his mind from morning to night. He waits for your reply every day and wonders if he should just swallow his pride and be the first to yield. 

This was your first disagreement as a couple and he isn’t too sure how to navigate through it. What is he supposed to do? His past relationships were never as dramatic as this.. Well, truth be told; he didn’t really care about his exes as much as he cares about you. Dramatic or not, the feelings were real and all more of the reason to push forward with begging for forgiveness. 

Begging to be yours. 

Begging to be loved. 

So what now? Does he surprise you with a significant gesture and make a bunch of promises that he knows are half-assed? In a sense, he was still angry. However, Yoongi knows better. His anger can’t be the reason he loses you.. And as we all know; Min Yoongi is a sore loser. 

Forever, Yoongi will refuse to lose you. 

The mere idea of dating you only for you two to break up… Sickening. He would rather crawl to you than walk away. As this realization hits him, he rushes inside his apartment and then into his room. He should go see you. 

Now. 

He has to see you now.

Yoongi doesn’t know where you are. 

At first, he had a few ideas of where you could be. At your apartment, in the library, or at the pool watching Jungkook’s swim practice.. He runs around campus desperate to find you. In all honesty, the speech he had prepared got lost along the way. As he hurriedly searches for you, the only words that ring are: it doesn’t end here. 

We don’t end here.

I love you—

You. 

Yoongi sees you sitting on the same bench you pitched three for three. You’re swinging your legs, watching the morning waves crash against the shore. He soaks in the sight of you looking so at peace. He loves how pretty you are from a far.

And then it hits him: he’s so lucky to love you.

It’s truly a privilege to love you because of everything you are. His anger and all the reasons he had gaslit himself into self-sabotaging your love for him—the extension of your beauty… It was so fucking wrong. Maybe he got too comfortable believing that he had you. Maybe he was too mesmerized with the idea of you two lasting forever that he forgot to even fucking ask it. 

He was wrong. 

He should’ve asked first. 

… But that’s the thing about being in love; you have faith. You believe in everything about the person you love. You believe in the good and that the universe sees you well enough to bless you forever. You believe in all the shooting stars and wishful thinking… You believe in forever when you meet the one that makes forever feel like it’s not enough.. But, you’d take it anyway. 

Drowning in his thoughts, Yoongi stands still and practically zones out. Meanwhile, from the corner of your eye, you see him. You see him standing there with the most devastated and desperate look on his face. Then, his eyes flicker to you. 

Your eyes meet and lock. His are glossy with tears building up. Even from a far, you can tell he has horrible eye bags. Perhaps, he hasn’t been sleeping well at night. Overall, he looks like a mess. He’s wearing grey sweatpants and your favourite white FOG shirt he owns. Even so… He looks restless. 

For his sake, you pretend not to see him. You turn back and watch the sea. Sitting in silence, you take deep breaths as you feel him walking toward you. You’re sure he’s here now but you don’t want to say anything. 

What could you say?

And it’s weird because you’d expect him to clear his throat and speak.. But he doesn’t. No, he stays silent. Yoongi also doesn’t sit down next to you. Instead, he stands a few feet away and watches the waves kiss the shore. 

Never has he ever felt so jealous of the sea.

An hour and a half passed by since Yoongi found you and within this time: he stays silent.

He follows you around, trailing behind you like a fucking loser. His head is bowed down for the most part and he focuses on following your shoes. 

You don’t have any classes today so he finds it a little weird that you’re running around doing random shit. You aren’t buying anything or meeting up with anyone.. It just feels like you’re stalling. In a stupid way; he’s thankful you’re doing so.

He doesn’t say anything though.. Why would he? All the words he had prepared got lost as he followed you around. 

All of this simply angers you. 

The quiet moment shared between you two at the seaside bench was cute but now he’s just being fucking annoying. Is he serious? He blew up a week ago and now he can’t even apologize for leaving you alone that night? For how cold he’s been? For being the worst boyfriend ever? 

Oh my god. 

It pisses you off so much. For a man that’s such a sore loser; he surely isn’t doing much to win you over. 

That’s just it! All men do is lie. 

By now, your feet hurt and you’re too annoyed to keep playing whatever game this is. You pick up your pace and turn toward the direction of your apartment. 

Yoongi follows. 

Your irritated mood begins to cloud your thoughts. You can feel your frustration take over and you just know you can’t do this anymore. The silence, the sad puppy look on his face, and the simple fact that everything between you two just feels so paper thin—no. This is not it. This isn’t want you want. 

You pause and turn to him. 

He lifts his head and blinks at you slowly. Still, he stays silent. He doesn’t even greet you with a smile.. Nothing. What the fuck? What’s the point of any of this?

The fucking audacity of this man. 

“That’s it?”

Yoongi shrugs. 

“Coward,” you hiss. Taking a step forward, he follows your lead. You’re close enough to him to reach out and hit his chest with your fist. You don’t do anything. You stay still, just like him. In your head, you’re crying and he’s holding you. In your head, he’s already pouring his heart out and you’re mending everything back together. In your head; Yoongi is fighting for you. 

“Do you have anything to say?” you ask desperately. “You can’t do this, you know? You can’t ignore me for a week and then just show up and not say anything. You can’t follow me around like you care when you obviously don’t. What the hell, Yoongi? If it’s over, then just say it. Say it so I can go home and wonder why the fuck the universe gave me you just to lose you because I.. I’m falling apart here—I can’t—I don’t know what’s going on and you just spent like two hours not saying a single word to me. If you have nothing to say then fine! It’s over—I don’t fucking know what’s going on anymore. Do you?”

“Not really,” Yoongi reveals. “I love you.. That’s all I know.”

His hands are on your waist, guiding you through your own apartment.

Yoongi’s kisses have never felt so good. His lips are so addicting—you can’t stop kissing him back. As innocent as the kissing goes; you can’t say the same for his hands. Once on your waist, now slipped in between your panties and your skin. 

Your body shivers from his touch.

“Slow down,” you pull away from him; “I’m still mad at you.”

Lies.

“Good,” he snickers deviously, “hate sex sounds really good right now.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“I can change that.”

Without warning, Yoongi picks you up and throws you onto your bed. There, you watch him take off his jacket, his shirt, and then just as he’s about to take off his pants; you crawl to him. 

“Can I?”

Yoongi fights for his life to stay calm and cool. He succeeds as he lets out two words: “say please.”

In response, you glare at him. “You want me to say please when you’re about to get head—”

No warning. 

Yoongi tugs his sweatpants down and grabs a handful of your hair. He shoves his thick cock into your pretty mouth. It shuts you up immediately. The moment you feel his velvety skin in your mouth, you moan at the taste of his precum on your mouth. Yoongi throws his head back from the relief and literal pleasure of your warm mouth wrapped around him. In contrast to his initial action, Yoongi thrusts in gently. His tip hits the back of your throat and you gag—tears triggered. You suck him as he moves back and forth. It makes him weak. How are you so fucking pretty while you do the dirtiest thing? He doesn’t know if he hates himself or not… How could he be doing this to you? At the same time, how could he not? 

He’s wanted this for so long. He missed you so fucking much.

“Mhmm,” he moans, “hate me yet?” 

He pulls you away from his dick. You grab it with your hands and jerk him off. Tilting your head, you bat your eyes at him. You shake your head at him, “I love you, Aki.”

Yoongi’s heart collapses. With no time to waste, he bends down and kisses you deeply. “I love you too, Ace.”

Just as you’re about to continue, Yoongi shifts you to lie down. Though a little confused, you follow his lead. “Wait, I wasn’t done sucking your—”

“I need you,” Yoongi confesses so sinfully. There’s truth in his voice. The kind that feels urgent and “I need you more than you need me.. Please, ___.”

You nod, fully understanding what he wants. 

Laying on your back, you spread your legs for him. He assists you and helps you take off your pants. He tosses them aside before running his thumb on the band of your panties. For a moment, his hands roam around you. He runs his thumb against your heat before pushing them aside to see you bare. 

“Just take them off,” you advise him. He rolls his eyes at you. 

“I have a thing for your panties, Ace.. Holy shit, give me a fucking minute.” Yoongi hisses his words and it makes you laugh. “Don’t fucking laugh, you cockslut.”

“I’ll stop laughing when you finally fuck me.”

“Be patient.”

You cross your arms at him.

“Aren’t you the one that said you need me—oh my god!” you gasp, feeling yourself begin to throb at the feeling of Yoongi’s spit running down your folds. He smirks at how fast you shut up. Yoongi then takes off your panties entirely and then spreads your legs in front of him. 

He jerks himself off a few times before hitting his hard cock against your pussy. Your breath hitches when he does so. “Are you wet enough?” he asks with no intention of waiting for your reply. He uses his thumb and index finger to spread your folds and judges for himself. He then spits again and massages it into your wet pussy. “Better?”

You nod, unable to answer. “Don’t finger me,” you beg. “Just fuck me, okay?”

“You don’t want me to finger you? How about I at least eat you out first—”

“You didn’t let me finish giving you a blowjob!”

Yoongi laughs, “I would’ve fucking nutted so hard in your mouth if I had let you suck it for one more second. Come on, Ace! I love eating you out. I want to make you feel good—”

“You’re not being fair,” you whine. “I want to make you feel good too.” 

“You do more than enough—fuck. Wow. Okay. Rude! Don’t be a bitch.”

You took off your top.

Now, he’s distracted by your plump breast. In all honesty, his favourite thing is to watch your boobs bounce when you two fuck. Whether it’s missionary and he’s on top of you; listening to your soft moans and lewd praises or if you were riding him; heavily breathing and concentrating on getting yourself off… He loves it.

He fucking loves it all. 

And so be it. 

Yoongi gives in. You smile in pure happiness as he gulps and settles himself in between your legs. He pushes himself inside and you moan in relief. 

Fucking finally.

It’s been too long. 

Yoongi thrusts in and out, completely melting in how good it feels to fuck you raw. He watches intensely as your breast move up and down from his thrusts. He looks at you and your stupid fuck me eyes that have him weak. All he knows is that he’s yours. His entire existence is because of you—because of moments like these where he is completely and utterly yours. 

As he fucks you, all he can think about is how much he loves you. How this is what home feels like—how good life actually is. It’s you. Everything good in his life is connected to you. It completely tears him apart. 

The more emotional he gets as he processes his feelings, the harder he fucks you. Soon, you’re moaning like never before. He fucks you so good that the bed practically shakes and your entire world begins to spin. He sits up more and grabs one of your breasts to help himself stabilize. As he continues to fuck you, all you can do is whine his name. 

When you reach your climax, you cream all over his cock. He doesn’t stop there though. No, he keeps on going. He keeps on going until he can’t take it anymore and his body collapses and falls on top of yours. There, you wrap your arms and legs around him. Sloppily, he finishes inside you. 

“My universe,” he whimpers, “you’re my universe.”

It’s a dewy rainy morning. 

Your bedroom window is open and the cloudy sky only makes your empty room feel gloomier. 

You woke up naked and alone. After the third round—because you’d be a complete idiot to think that Yoongi would call it a night after one round—you had fallen asleep next to the love of your life. 

Where is he now?

You’d be lying if you said it didn’t hurt to wake up alone. Was all of that… Just break up sex? It couldn’t be! In between rounds, you and Yoongi found it in yourselves to make jokes and basically sink into your old vibes… No way did he just leave you. 

You gather your sheets and prepare to get up. Just as you’re about to, Yoongi comes out of the washroom. His hair is a little damp and he’s only wearing his sweatpants. 

Oh, what a sight. 

You squint at him and rub your eyes. “I thought you left.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he laughs, throwing his shirt at you. It lands on top of your head. Taking it, you put it on drop your sheets. 

“Can you pass me my panties please?”

Yoongi leans against your bathroom doorframe and shakes his head. “Nah.”

“Don’t be a dick—”

“Round four?”

You laugh. “You haven’t even said sorry yet and you think you can sneak in a forth round?”

Yoongi shrugs at you nonchalantly. “I snuck in three rounds last night… What’s another three? Three for three.” He mocks you. 

You stick your tongue out at him. 

Silence falls between you two as the sound of gradual raindrops hit your window. You turn your head and watch the rain begin to fall. 

“Didn’t know it was going to rain… Isn’t it the middle of summer? Kinda strange, don’t you think—”

“I’m sorry.” 

Yoongi folds. 

You turn back to him and see he’s on his knees before you. His head, just like yesterday, hangs low. 

“I overreacted. I felt like I was losing you. I was so stubborn and defensive that I ended up fighting for my pride rather than us… ___,” he pauses and lifts his head. “I’ve never been in love like this before. I never knew how much my feelings could consume me and how much I want us to work out. I was trying to fight for us. I know my words aren’t much; but I hope asking is enough.. I’ll be better. I’ll be so good to you from now on, I swear… The jealousy and insecurities I have… I’m so messed up sometimes—I know… But I’m trying to be good enough to stay in your orbit.”

“Yoongi—“

“I was trying to pitch forever with you and I didn’t even give you a fair chance to accept or decline—”

“I would’ve said yes,” you interrupt him. “If you had asked properly; the answer is yes. Of course, I’d marry you… In due time.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… I’d have to introduce you to my preschoolers first but I’m sure you’ll win them over super fast—”

“Be serious.”

“I am!” you laugh, patting the spot next to you for him to join. He gets up and sits beside you. “I think we were just caught up in the moment. We were separated for a hot minute—I feel like it was just… Miscommunication? We can work on it. We’ll just have to be more patient with one another and maybe not ignore each other for a week?” 

Yoongi sighs and nods. “I still feel really shitty about everything.”

“Good,” you tease him as you cup his cheeks with the palm of your hands. He kisses them before resting in your embrace. “Make it up to me someday.”

“... Did you do it?”

“No.”

He stares at the ring box he purchased with his brother during his trip to the States. The engagement ring you had not-so-secretly pinned on your Pinterst board was only available in the States.. Of course, because the universe was on his side; the trip and the ring’s time and location lined up. 

“I thought you were going to propose to her when you got back? If that stupid fight didn’t happen, we would’ve been having a different conversation right now. Did you guys even make up?” Yoongi’s brothers voice echoes in the call. “You dragged me to that fucking store and had me pick out details for like twenty rings!”

Yoongi sighs as he closes the ring box and shoves it inside his desk. Truth be told.. He wasn’t planning to propose to you yet. He just wanted the ring ready for when the time comes. 

“Someday,” Yoongi promises. “I’ll make it up to her someday in our forever.”

[the-blue-eyed-firebender]

royai fic recs?

Ahhh friend you've read my mind! I actually started making another Royai fic rec post and it's been sitting in my drafts for a couple of days! Thanks for the ask, and enjoy! ❤️

Yet Another Royai Fic Rec

(I keep making these.)

My Girl Claudine by Leelo_Forever

Rating: G

Word Count: 2.2K

Summary: On a night out with the team, Riza's attempts to avoid dwelling on today's date are almost working.

Excerpt: “Stay on beat!” shouts the Colonel while watching their feet, one arm in the air, the other slung over Breda's shoulders, with Havoc at the end of the line. The patrons begin to clap to the rhythm of their footfalls and she watches as the Colonel looks up and around, smiling and glassy eyed, shirtsleeves rolled, jacket discarded, and collar askew, crushed under Breda’s forearm. All three are breathless and rosy cheeked, grinning through their concentration.  

“Louder!” he yells at the pub’s revelers, laughing as men begin to bang on the tables and stomp their feet from their seats. They are all going to be in sorry shape in the morning. 

My thoughts: A vivid bar scene, a lighthearted moment with the Mustang team, and a lovely, quippy exchange between our two favorites. If you're looking for meaningful fluff, this story really hits the spot. And the song is just *chef's kiss*. It's that good I was fully expecting it to be a real song, not just part of this story. I was highly disappointed when I typed the lyrics into Spotify and nothing came up.

Want You to Live by @starwritingbri

Rating: T

Word Count: 4K

Summary: After telling the Colonel not to perform human transmutation for her sake, Riza finds herself slipping away. She has a conversation with an old friend about life, death, and Roy Mustang. (NOT a major character death fic!)

Excerpt: The man sitting next to Riza felt like he’d been there for as long as she could remember, and yet she knew he hadn’t been for a long time. Time felt more difficult to grasp than ever before. As a sniper, it would warp as her focus narrowed on a target, or in meetings where the speaker felt too self-important to get to the point. Seconds and minutes rarely felt like the allotted times they were supposed to be, but this situation brought an entirely new sensation to time distorting. 

Riza sat up to get a better look at her companion. “Maes?” 

My thoughts: Gut wrenchingly emotional and poetic, amazing characterization, and the scene this author created was so vivid in my head it was like watching a movie. The dialogue here is poignant and bittersweet, and Maes Hughes is captured so beautifully it's almost painful. Gosh, I love this piece, A+ angst with a happy ending.

two tickets to the rabbit hole, please by @chryseis (lovelyleias on AO3)

Rating: T

Word Count: 2.9K

Summary: A selection of letters exchanged between Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye from 1903 to 1908.

Excerpt: Dear Mister Mustang,

It pleases me to hear that you’re finally getting along with your rival. I must say, antagonizing someone over a piece of quiche is very strange. 

My father is well, thank you for asking. Sometimes I hear things in the night–terrible sounds that I cannot explain, coming from the attic where he keeps his office. I have a sense that something is going to happen soon. But sometimes I wish I was an alchemist, so that I might understand him better. You probably think that’s silly. It probably is!

I hope your birthday was fun. Did you do anything exciting? You strike me as someone who enjoys their own birthday very much. 

Best, 

Riza Hawkeye

My thoughts: This one is a masterpiece, full stop. I've read this one several times, and keep coming back to it. Each letter is a progression of their long-distance relationship, a token of their importance to one another and how it deepens over time. And I love the poignancy of the strikethroughs. Roy's second to last letter absolutely shattered my heart, I actually had to stop what I was doing to absorb the feelings it gave me.

I first found this story by listening to the podfic version by the incredibly talented @klainelynch, who performs it so well. Highly, highly recommend.

Your hands, holding me up by @lassusog

Rating: T

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: After a mission gone wrong, Riza wakes to find that her memories are gone. Her colleagues, best friend and her -surprisingly- very caring superior are there to offer help.

Excerpt: For the second time she locks eyes with the man in the coat.

“What’s your name?” he asks her quietly.

“I-,” she begins. Her pulse thunders against her temple. The man’s eyes bore into hers like he already knows the answer. So she gives it to him, because the realization is too heavy for her to carry alone.

“I don’t remember.”

The room goes deadly quiet.

My thoughts: This is one of the first fics I read in this fandom. It gets rec'd a lot, and for very good reason. This story is captivating right out the gate. I feel like memory loss is a trope often used but seldom done right. This author has done it right.

And this dialogue. THIS. DIALOGUE. Oof it just sizzles. The team's banter. Rebecca and Mustang's bickering. Mustang's gentleness and his suave sense of humor. Perfection, all of it.

The characterization is spot-on, especially for Riza, which is so impressive as she herself doesn't know who she's suppose to be, and yet she still comes across as herself (does that make sense?)

More Royai fic recs: here and here

[callivich]

Shameless DVD Commentary: Roleplaying

Summary: Ian and Mickey attempt to have some roleplay fun.

Stats: I started this towards the end of 2021. It’s a WIP - 11 chapters so far. Word count: 7,743.

What was the initial inspiration for your story? I had some dialogue in my drafts that I didn’t know what to do with. I knew I wasn’t going to make it into a full story but I wanted to post it anyway. I think it must have been inspired initially by the Jonas Brothers/Prison porn scene in S11 but I can’t quite remember. Overall, my ongoing inspiration for this is that I like the idea they have total freedom now they’re married and living in their own place. They can have as much playful, silly, kinky sex as they want. And I think as much as they do have lots of soft sex and kinky sex and ‘serious’ sex, I think they absolutely have a lot of playful/silly sex too because they love having fun together and they love making each other laugh.

What was your favourite scene to write? I love writing all of it, it’s a really fun story to write. I think the fact it’s just dialogue means there’s less pressure.

How did you come up with the title? I struggle with titles so I usually go with something that describes the plot and so Roleplaying is that. I was going to just call it Roleplay but I went with Roleplaying because it implies it’s an ongoing thing they do.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice? The puns.

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this? I do struggle with the endings a bit sometimes. Trying to find a good line to end on can be tricky.

Favourite line in the story?

From chapter 1 - Hooker: “What? You’re Chicago’s most expensive prostitute who fucks 11 guys a night who all have to have big dicks and you let them go bareback? This is getting less and less realistic.”

From chapter 4 - Royalty: “Please. I could be wearing a fuckin’ garbage bag and you’d be poppin’ a woody.”

From chapter 10 - XXXmas: “Alright, that’s enough talk. Come on, Santa, you gonna jingle my bells or what?”

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story? No. Only because it’s not much of a storyline 😅 it’s just them doing different roleplay scenarios. The chapters all take place in the same ‘verse.

If you are writing a particular trope or genre, was it your first time writing this? Sort of the first time posting a story that was just dialogue and I’ve found it to be so fun and a lot more freeing than writing a traditional story.

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc) The dialogue - I hope their voices sound true to the characters and how they might talk. I think it does but it’s always hard to tell.

Are there any deleted scenes that didn’t make it to the final story? I do cut lines quite a lot. I can’t remember exactly what I’ve cut or from what chapters but sometimes lines don’t work and don’t make sense in their conversations.

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line? Ian has an ongoing draft on his phone that is just roleplay ideas - and he’ll sometimes write down things he wants to say or do as his ‘character’. Mickey sometimes writes in it too but it’s usually just to make fun of Ian’s ideas (even though he actually likes a lot of them). Both of them will pretty much find any excuse to turn something - a job or a character or setting - into a roleplay idea. I reference it in tête-à-tête where they discuss a gas station roleplay (I might write that….👀) So far, Mickey’s favourite roleplay was Bartending (because he got cocktails as well as cock 😅) and Ian’s favourite roleplay was Professor Milkovich (because Mickey wore glasses and panties and then gave him a grade afterwards 😅)

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add? Most of it I’m happy with but I feel like the first chapter is a bit rougher than the rest. It doesn’t feel like a whole, continuous conversation like the rest of the chapters. I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do with this when I posted it and I feel like that can be seen in the first chapter.

Would you ever write a sequel to this story? I think tête-à-tête is sort of an unofficial sequel…maybe more like a companion fic.

If you’ve chosen your most popular story, are you surprised by the popularity? Once I posted the first chapter and had such a good response, I wasn’t surprised it became my most popular story. I think it combines too of my strengths - dialogue and humour. I’m glad it makes people laugh.

Were you nervous or excited to post this story? A bit nervous because I wasn’t sure if people would be interested in a dialogue only fic. I really cannot write smut so that is the reason this is only dialogue. I would love to have written the actual smut but I know I can’t and I think good dialogue with bad smut would ruin it 😅

Did you have a beta or a friend who helped you as you wrote? No. I don’t use a beta.

Ask your followers to pick a snippet (no more than 500 words) and share your thoughts about it. Happy to do this is people want to choose a chapter!

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story? I plan to keep writing this as long as I have ideas and I do take suggestions/prompts (but I can’t guarantee I’ll be inspired). I’ve got two ideas in my drafts at the moment.

[bloodyymaryyy]

Could you do fic for James Vowles with wife reader and their children? They went for a walk around the paddock to help James relax after the races. Just spending time together as a family. They encounter other drivers and tp's along the way. You decide how it goes. Thanks!!! :))

Destressing

James Vowels x reader

Side note : holy shit this is the first in a while request that I got so thank you anon! N e way I cut my thumb so it is gonna be hard to write with only one thumb let's hope it's actually good and without mistakes! I am also working on pt3 of gossip girl xoxo but my Tumblr is fucked and thete is nothing I can so, I can't fucking see my posts or liked or the messages that I sent or get sent from anyone and my drafts are publishing themselves somehow so bear that in mind!!! @support @staff help

From the start of this sillys season James was stress running around with the car being not even mediocre it's not an ideal situation. Not at all and having to balance it out with his wife who has been his rock throughout everything from the moment he bought Williams u till not but also having her own demanding job an two young kids both boys ages of the older Tyler thirteen and the other eleven josh.

Having two boys might be easier to handle sometimes than girls it's no helping really but they make it happen. More so their mother y/n because James is out of the country every other day. Having to take them to their activities football for josh and basketball for Tyler then help them do their homework and take them to their friends houses in between her own work and make dinner, clean the house and shop for the next week of groceries, she finds a bit comfort shopping where she can relax and shop in her own pace and or when everyone is not home or in the weekend when she gets to hang out with her own friends.

Finding an open week to join her husband and go to the race Friday when the kids finish with school y/n took them to their house ta pack for a week they took of Friday evening and head to the next GP where they surprised James.

Spending time with him in his spare time or out exploring the city with her boys where they were happy to see another country other than Britain where they live and their mothers mother land ( it can be your country or if you are British then choose). Where they go every two summers.

On Saturday when it's a bit more calm for James you go around the track all together finding other team principals or various drivers with there own team colours and logos but regardless having a conversation with anyone who had the time or even a few camera crews where their are film them having wholesome moments.

Taking about different things like school, sports, shopping, vacation and generally talking about everything, catching up to one other and eating and drinking smoothies from the hospitality, just having fun discussing things for the future when its time to hot to the hotel they go and sleep for the next day full of events and activities

[ilegallydontexist]

Write with me!

Day One ★

Hi!! First, I'll start with a bit about me. My name is Faye, my pronouns are he/him, and I'm a teen aspiring author. I've only recently started writing and after abandoning my old wip, I want to start again but better planned so I don't just burn out and give up like last time.

That's where this blog comes in! I'm going to lay out my goals, my new story's summary, what I know about it at the moment, plans for the book, and then I'm going to make a post every day going over goals and overall stuff about the book.

This will hopefully keep me more on track and motivated, so I don't just drop it and feel guilty for not writing.

Summary And Plot ~ -My working summary so far is as follows. ~ 'In a world where most magic disappeared with the death of dragons, the last remnants of power are kept stable by a few scattered dragon scales. When the scales suddenly go missing, magic starts to spiral out of control. Two teens—MC 1, who fears the worst, and MC 2, who treats it all like a grand adventure—decide to run away and travel the world by train-hopping to find the missing scales. As they embark on this lighthearted but high-stakes journey, they become unlikely heroes, all while navigating their growing feelings for each other.' -Kinda unserious book in general. I'm planning to make it silly and lighthearted mixed with some high stakes.

About My Book ~ -This book is going to be a novella but might be longer (20,000 - 50,000 words). I simply don't want to stress myself out with planning to write a super long book which was one of the main things that made me give up last time. -This book is going to be a gay romance between the two main characters. I actually have a song that specifically inspired the entire romance they have and some of the story as well. -The book is either going to be third person limited or third person omniscient. I might do third person limited with the narrator having commentary or something but who knows.

My Goals ~ -I'm hoping to write 1,000 words a day. This means that the first draft could be done in 20-50 days depending. Obviously, it might take longer as my goals might not always be reached but this is just a guess. -introduce a weird dude who claims both MCs to be chosen ones and joins them for a little bit before disappearing and popping back up at random throughout the story. His placeholder name shall be Bob. -Add a llama - add fun magic throughout the story

This might never be seen by anyone on here, but I'll still make more of these, so I not only stay on track but have an excuse to rant about my book and be excited. Whelp, that's it. I'll update for day one at the end of the day. <3

[juliets-roller-derby-awesomeness]

You may not be randomly anxious anymore, but I'm knee deep in a psych obsession rn, soooo what are your personal favorite silly moments with each ship? Just a funny scene where you're like "Oh, they love eachother"

aa!! oh my god i love this ask

shules: the end of santabarbaratown 1, where they're like putting feelers out for moving on together. im a slut for shules moving in together stuff though so i also have to mention the beginning of the season in last night gus where jules says she thinks it's sweet that shawn wanted to move in while he was drunk

(i dont have a good picture for last night gus so this other part of the episode will have to do ajsjaj)

shassie:

i mean if we're talking funny then like

shassie for me is more an undercurrent than observational ship (obviously, it's not canon). i just really think they both like bickering back and forth.

OH WAIT CUTTING MYSELF OFF

the "there's 1 g ($1,000) in it for you if you start playing for the other team" from i think juliet wears the pantsuit (either that or the episode before it" in which lassie tells shawn if he comes out he'll give him 1000 quid so....

i actually still rather like the good looking man line but i could talk about shassie for hours

[pt one because if i leave this in my drafts ill never remember to post this]

[avocado-frog]

WIP files game

Thank you to @littletaxitt for the tag

Ok so instead of doing all the individual chapters like i usually do, all I'm going to do for this one is the actual wips and a couple of other things because I have the tabs open. Basically they're the wattpad stories that i don't post on wattpad and i know i say this a lot but i want to make it clear that's just where my drafts are please-

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, & then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Tag as many people as you have WIPS.

-----

Forget me not drafts

Dahlia drafts

Rosemary drafts

Backstory timeline

Character timelines

Outlines

Backstories

Ghost AU

Worldbuilding hell

Playlist organizer

Canon timeline

Full timeline. Listen when your chapter names are dates you've got to make sure the timelines match

Flower symbolism stuff

Sage AU

Black rose AU

Sunflower AU

Zinnia AU

Iris AU

Red spider lily AU

Asphodel AU

Marigold AU

Lily of the valley AU

Satisfied AU

Time loop AU because I think it'd be very silly

Nothing happens ever AU

Zombie AU because the last of us has me in a fucking chokehold

Fish in a birdcage AU

Villain Leo because I think that'd be neat :)

Rosemary alt ending

Forget me not alt ending

Dahlia alt everything

Jaxon befriends a rat which is at this point an AU

Behind the scene moments to use as little flashbacks

Our word AU (???)

Gladiolus AU concept

-----

Tags if you want

@hrmkingizzy

@toribookworm22

@junypr-camus

@regalserpent

@steh-lar-uh-nuhs

@magicicada-lbwrites

@leisoree

@elizababie

[belethlegwen]

You are so wonderful and I hope things smooth out for you sooner rather than later. Obviously you should prioritize yourself first (god knows we all have sooo much good fic of yours to reread), but it leads me to a question I’ve been too shy to ask 👉👈 how do you feel about recursive fic about your fics/characters? Would you be ok with us sharing it with you/others, crediting you for the creation of such good characters of course? I have serious Stranding/Rescue brainworms and it’s making me want to write drabble & fluff for the first time in a long time 💕 of course it’s fine if you’d be more comfortable with me not posting it — either way, thank you soooo much for sharing this lovely world & worldbuilding & all the characters within. I will be rotating them in my head for years no matter what 🙇

Hello and good morning! Or afternoon, I'm not sure. I'm drafting this answer over a late breakfast because I got a precious day of sleeping-in and I'm still thinking deeply about it.

Firstly: I want to hug you so tight (if you were down) because this is wildly sweet and flattering, thank you so so much for reaching out at all even just about the works, but the wishes that things smooth out are highly appreciated ;-; We're looking… solid? Right now? But there's still so much up in the air and hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I won't bore you with it, it's not the reason I'm drafting this out.

ABOUT RECURSIVE WORKS [very long, read under the cut, tl:dr summary at the end]:

I would love it. I would genuinely, honestly love it, with the caveats that you laid out that proper credit would be given (thank you so much you lovely beautiful soul), that it be clarified wherever it is shared that it's based on characters/settings/storylines of the current works, but truly importantly that it would clarify that the works are actively still being written at this time.

That's my biggest hesitation, if I'm being honest. The stories are both at this time unfinished (they are all unfinished, I am a creature with heavy need to process things through writing and, quelle surprise, I am never truly finished processing anything, new shit just needs to get processed, wheeeee) and being that they're unfinished, there's a chance that any recursive work could hit on a scene/plotpoint/moment that I've already got plotted out for the future. I'm not Neil Gaiman or anything, I'm not planning to make money off of this work, so it's not my concern that you or anyone else is gonna turn around and try to sue me for stealing something or whatever-- that's not the problem. I just don't want you or anyone to feel at that point that the effort you put into something was then copied and put in the main work or something.

It's an odd situation. The odds of it actually BEING a problem I know are astronomically low, but I didn't get to where I am today without chronically overthinking everything.

I love that you have a desire to create, and I do not know who you are-- I don't know if you already have projects and characters of your own and just want to branch out with something familiar-but-new, but I want to encourage you to use this energy and focus for writing all the same. If you can put it into your own works, hell yeah, but also: yes I would be flattered if you used my dorks and their silly little worlds. It's just the concern where I'm not finished with the stories yet. I just am, again, overthinking and overworrying, likely, but if I could stop doing those things then life would presumably be easier.

I would be absolutely down for like, experimental works I believe is the best term for what I'm looking for. Characters and stories based off of my works that are wholly new. Want to write a refracted AU about Melinda and Hank in Space? Fuck yeah, yes. Though I mentioned this to Zip and they immediately told me No, We're Doing That One and we laughed about it for a hot minute, so maybe not exactly those names hahaha

I guess another question here is, if you were to put in the effort and the focus and the pride of writing something based on my characters, of a scene you had in your head, and got through the beauty and pain of creation to get it down and then put it out there, how would you feel if something similar then happened in the main work? Not the same, not based on what you did, but that similarity still there and still noticeable at least to you. Like if someone had written (before I had posted them) something similar to Melanie being involved in a Naval battle, even though I have the receipts that that arc was written in November of 2022 and only finished posting in September 2023, I don't know how they would feel to still see that like, a similar idea had been there.

On one hand, personally, I love being in the G/t community and reading other people's works when I have the spoons and focus and time to do it, because I love that something as simple as "small person falls and big person catches them" permeates the ideas so often, and what that can mean to dozens of different creators. Refracting the same light through a diamond and watching the facets all scatter it differently, etc etc. It's beautiful. It makes me happy. But that's a personal thought, and I know how deep and personal writing can be. I know how much the process of creation can mean to the individual. I don't want you to go through that, to write something beautiful even if just for yourself, and then think in some possibility later that because I did something similar I was trying to do it 'better' or whatever. It's not the case, it's never the case.

So, after chatting about this with people I love in this community (I love you Zip and Kelly <3), I think the solution is: If you want to chat with me about the like, basic bare-bones of the ideas you might have just to give me a heads up, and I can let you know if it's something that'll be in the main works soon and if I'd rather you wait on something, or if I'd go 'oh fuck yeah, go ham', I would adore to chatter away with you about it all regardless. I'd love to chatter with you about writing in general! My characters, your characters, whatever. I'm down. Please feel free to hit me up and I'll get back to you whenever I can <3

Let me know what you think! Thank you so much for the sweet message and the ask!

Cheers,

~ Belle

[TL;DR]

When it comes to recursive works I'm interested and open to them provided they're not something major/heavy I'm planning to tackle too soon in the future canon, as the works are still being written and posted. I am always down to receive DMs about writing, and would prefer to get messages about the recursive fic ideas (as vague as you'd like them to be!) just so I can give a quick yes/no on if it's something I'd rather you wait on until I can get it out myself, or whathaveyou. I don't see this being a huge problem, and if you're good for chatting then I'm positive we'll have a good time with this <3

Writing recursive fics for my existing, in-progress works means agreeing to the caveats that credit be given to me and the existing works, and clarifying when posting that the fic is not canon and the works they're referencing/possibly based on are still in progress/being written. It also means accepting that there is a chance that things tackled in your fics may be similar to things that have not yet been posted for said works.

When it comes to experimental fiction based on my characters, settings, or plot: hell yeah go full 50 Shades if you want to. File the serial numbers off of it and/or write something New Enough. It's what I did to Jonathan Swift, please feel free to do it to me hahaha.

Shortest answer: Yes, just send me a quick message first <3

[iholli]

I would absolutely love to hear about your faves 👀 Tell me everything you know 👀👀👀👀

AAAAAAVUYCDTIGCTUGCH YOU'RE A GEM THANK U FOR THIS 😭😭😭💚

this is super long bc I'm Completely Normal abt J'onn lmao whoops 😂

omfg where do I start. FIRST THINGS FIRST. HE. MY BELOVED. J'onn J'onzz, the Martian Manhunter, my favorite favorite of all time. no really it's coming up on 8 years and I still love him sm 😭 my one braincell may wander off to new fixations but I always circle back around to him sooner or later.

I have like 4747058 images of him ofc but these are SO good bc they tell a lot about him ??? he's cute, he's silly, he's dramatic, he's sassy, he's the heart of the Justice League twenty times over despite DC refusing to give him any time to shine (I'm going to fight them with my bare hands for that).

I've never posted this but it's been in my drafts for ever so I'll throw it in here 😂 I have so many thoughts about him omg

ALSO I have a whole thing analyzing J'onn's moral compass & development through Justice League Animated, Unlimited, and some of the comics a while back so there's tHAT WHICH,,, was super good imo 👏

uuuuughghghghh I could talk about him forever 😭💚

When it comes to people Superman wouldn't want to fight, J'onn is top of that list, that's canon. He's OP as FUCK. He has most if not all Clark's powers, shapeshifting, intangibility, invisibility, phasing, telepathy, seriously his powers seem to never end ??? But he's terribly underutilized :") like I get it but come on DC,,,

J'onn is addicted to Oreos. no, really. in MM 98 issue 24 Blue Beetle and Booster Gold have this Super Funny Idea to hide all the Oreos from J'onn, and you gotta applaud the dedication to the prank bc they literally went out and bought ALL the Oreos from the ENTIRE vicinity of the JL Embassy building. J'onn proceeds to Hulk out and tear up half the city chasing them for it. It's revealed by Batman that Martians can get addicted to Oreos. At the end of the issue it turns out this is just a story J'onn is telling Diana but... he winks and asks if she's got any cookies, so it's up for debate if it's really just a story [I think there's some truth to it. bc it's very funny.]. And the Oreo thing comes up many times in many places including JLTAS 😂

He also likes sweet things in general !! he canonically drinks coffee with a TON of sugary shit to take off the bitter taste. I also made the hc that was the case for him just days before reading it in MM Identity and I'm very real for that 👏

J'onn is a cat person. One of his aliases is even an Italian street cat named Tommaso. And he has an orange cat named Double Stuff,,, of course 😂

however,,, he's totally a dragon nerd, he knows everything about dragons, he likes reptiles in general but dragons are his fav. He shapeshifts into draconic creatures all the time and he talks many times abt a specific species of moon nesting dragon called quonars. He also telepathically connected with an iguana once and it was a wholesome experience ��

J'onn lives in Colorado, in a suburb named Middleton, which is actually the name of a real ghost town! it's interesting that Denver is his preferred climate bc you can assume Mars was similar 👀

He is THE sass master. He goes toe to toe with Batman constantly. One of these days I'll just make a list of every sassy line he delivers in JLTAS but I think that would be a whole book by itself. There's a video of sassy moments from Batman: The Brave and the Bold that I watch 400 times a week. One of my favorite comic sass moments is when Batman expresses his annoyance at J'onn for leaving on the middle of an important meeting, which J'onn happily counters with a "you're so right, it would look bad on the League if someone just vanished at random all the time, huh Batman :)." he then also takes a crack at Bruce's lack of people skills. iconic.

He's also a silly little guy. The Batman 2007? J'onn OWNS the noir detective role, down to the cheesy old fashioned music. He also has like, a whole list of quotes he's just waiting to use when the time is right. He waited years to say "You're probably wondering why I've called you all here today." love him fr

J'onn is canonically kind of an adrenaline junkie. He loves driving, particularly an 87 Chevy Impala which he affectionately says "vibrates like a Chihuahua with a head cold." He once physically linked with an entire damaged spaceship to steer it out of danger and got carried away bc he was just having fun. He also said it was similar to the video games he plays with GL-- so he's canonically a gamer, too 😂👏

I 100% believe he's got anxiety or at LEAST separation anxiety [and that may be the case for the entire Martian race]. I already thought as much but then JLU issue 24 kinda confirmed it and it was devastating :") the League is taken over by Starro, J'onn is the only one who dodges the attack and he's left to fight his teammates which. is already awful for him. and it triggers flashbacks to a time on Mars when he was separated from his family in a nasty sandstorm. J'onn went pretty much feral with panic until he broke down and then forced himself to calm down enough to think of a plan. Meanwhile back with the League he's frantically trying not to panic again bc, while fire is a Martian's greatest weakness, "being alone is a Martian's greatest fear." I cried the whole time I read that issue and then I bought a copy LMAO. can DC stop putting him through the PTSD wringer for five seconds thanks

One short comic run J'onn spends the whole time being chased by the Martian god of fire, H'ronmeer, bc it turns out he was psychically keeping the souls of the entire Martian population tethered to the mortal realm. he's super powerful and HE'S GOING THROUGH IT. ALL THE TIME.

I don't have the context for either happenstance at this time, but J'onn has been both a Black and a White Lantern in comics. I have no idea what any of it means, either, I just know it's happened. I'll get there eventually. maybe. [I think he's dead for the Black Lantern thing so...probably...not...]

^^^ this is up there with the whole "J'onn was actually an advance agent for the invading Martian species but rather than let them use him as a weapon he essentially committed suicide after fighting the whole Justice League [beat them easily, it wasn't even a competition] and somehow this split his consciousness into like 4 different people" of comic runs that I really don't want to read [even though I own this one] :") help

I don't know what it is about forcefields but his brain just shuts off when he gets near one fr. Multiple times when there's a forcefield, EVEN IF HE KNOWS IT'S THERE, J'onn just yeets headfirst into it. He's just generally super impulsive tho ??? This guy is constantly jumping into action without a moment's thought. pls stop handing off the braincell to absolutely no one when there's danger, J'onn [he does not actually have the braincell at any given time. only Bruce has it. occasionally].

He totally enjoys starting shit. J'onn is Here for teammate drama. He once gave Batman absolutely what for and called him immature just bc J'onn was annoyed with his attitude. He sends people on League missions that will either bring out complete drama or make them find common ground. Though he says the contrary, J'onn is absolutely in the background of every team squabble with popcorn like Thor watching Tony and Cap argue. "You're all so petty. And tiny."

J'onn's name means "light to the light" and it's so poetic 😭😭 of COURSE he's the heart of the League. akdjfndckdnxkd

I'm going to stop there bc I could go on forever but I've held this ask hostage in my drafts long enough 😂😂 ENJOY THE RAMBLING THANK U FOR SENDING THIS ASK AAAA 💙

[angelst4re]

hii ash!! me againnn! so i was wondering if you could like do a little cute moment with jamie and poc reader cause i don't see a lot of those. basically like every day or something she has a new hair style and he's so curious about it and stuff or like him helping her take down her knee length braids (bc for whatever reason we love hella long braids 😭)

hi lovely!! this idea is just so <33 i don't think i've written for poc reader yet which is mad!! but this was so cute to write <3

Personal Hairdresser- Jamie Campbell Bower x poc!Reader

summary: in the request!!

warnings: none!! :)

notes: i remember writing this, but i also don't remember writing this? like i remember planning it out and everything and i've just seen it in my drafts?? this is crazy! anyways, i'm sorry this is pretty short but i really wanted to post it now!! <3

Jamie has always loved you hair, and it was always a mystery to him how it would be so different every now and then. The different colours, lengths and styles always intrigued him, and a few months into your relationship he finally plucked up the courage to ask about it.

He felt silly when you told him they were all different wigs! However, he also asked to see the ones you owned, as the few he had seen were all gorgeous, he knew he would love the others.

He gasped when you showed him your collection, and was drawn to one in particular. It was a cherry red colour, and it held loose curls. You showed him pictures you had taken in it, and you saw how his eyes lit up with nothing but pure love and adoration.

“You’re always so gorgeous, darling,” he told you, “always the prettiest in the room.”

You smiled at his words, you couldn’t believe how lucky you were to have him, and he felt the same towards you.

Fast forward a few months, you told Jamie how you were thinking about taking your braids out. You’ve had them in for a while now and were thinking about changing your hair up again. Jamie seemed a little disappointed when you told him, it was so obvious that he adored the super long braids you’ve had, so long they could almost touch your knees! However, he was so excited to see what your hair would look like next, what colour it would be, what length it would be. He couldn’t wait to find out.

When you told him you were thinking about taking them out tomorrow, he volunteered to help you. You told him it was a long process, that it may take a few hours, but he still insisted on helping you.

So, the next morning you began taking them out, and showing Jamie how it’s done. You put on some music and sat down with some snacks, and the two of you got to work.

"I'll do the first one," you told him, "and you can see how it's done."

Jamie nodded his head, focusing on the way your fingers gently pulled the braid apart.

"So what are you thinking about doing next?" He asked, his eyes trained on what you were doing.

"I might just keep it natural for a little while," you said, "have you ever seen my natural hair?" You asked curiously, turning to look at your boyfriend, who was thinking.

"I think so," he said, although it sounded more like a question, "wait I have! The first night I stayed over, and we showered together."

You watched the smile creep onto his face as he thought back on the memory, but you quickly switched up the mood he created.

"Wanna try?" You asked, handing Jamie the scissors.

Jamie was gentle as he snipped the bottom of the braid off, too worried to cut it where your actual hair was incase he cut off your hair.

"Am I doing this right?" He asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

"You're doing it perfectly, love." You said with a smile, watching his face, painted with concentration.

He pulled apart the braid, carefully combing it with his fingers, working his way up to your waist, your shoulders and eventually your head. He continued to be so gentle with you as he worked on taking it out.

He felt so happy that he could help you, and he promised you that he will always be your very own personal hairdresser whenever you needed him.

[microsuedemouse]

In Eden

➤ In his final moments, Nicholas D. Wolfwood wished with everything he had for another chance. A different life. A better world.

➤ This is none of those things. Against all odds, though, he's still alive, and to squander that would be a disservice to the woman who saved him. So he'll try. He'll put his friends behind him and forge something new.

➤ After all, he can never go back.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood/Milly Thompson | 8 011 words | Rated T+ | Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Reunions, (Ambiguously) Catholic Guilt

“I did not wanna die this way!”

The last thing Nicholas D. Wolfwood expects is to wake up. So when he does, he assumes these are the final desperate attempts of his dying mind to grasp at something better. To claw its way out of this uncaring existence and into a kinder plane. He wished so hard for a second chance – a more loving reality – that the chemical misfires of his brain, steadily running out of blood, are now producing hallucinations of exactly that. Except that he isn’t waking up in the Eden he’d dreamed of.

Keep reading on AO3 →

hhhhokay so. this has been in my drafts since shortly after I finished watching the show, which was apparently... February? whoogh. I was never sure if I got the pacing/length just right, so I was never quite ready to call it finished. but recently @llamahearted posted another wonderful Millywood drawing and it reminded me that I still wanted to clean this up and post it!

listen, Vashwood is fantastic, but Millywood just hits alllll the right notes for me. I adore them so much, and I wish they could've had the happy ending they deserved. so I'm out here writing fix-it fic in which What If They Actually Didn't Die, once again. Nicholas's tragedy is really good, and its impact on Vash's story is really important, but also... what if.

also, I made up a bit of my own lore for the Chapel of the Gung-Ho-Guns, because the manga lore is so so silly. it's really only implied/mentioned in the fic itself, but I just wanted to pad out a few spots.

spoilery bit about the final lines of the fic below:

I was divided on revealing Goodwin's first name to be Eden, because I really liked the symbolism/symmetry of that, and of the idea of Nicholas never having learned that about her. but I'm also very in love with the idea of Nicholas and Milly having a daughter and naming her Eden. so I waffled a lot.

and then I remembered it's fanfic and I can do whatever I want. if I decide to write another fic where they do have a daughter named Eden, no one's gonna arrest me for using the same general idea two slightly different ways. also, you don't even actually meet the baby in this fic, so. who cares. it's FINE.

[marshmellowtea]

um. so. y'all are not going to believe this but i've had this goddamn fic finished for MONTHS but i fucking FORGOT??? IT WAS HERE??? IT'S JUST BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS BECAUSE I FORGOR I HAD THIS BASICALLY FINISHED FIC JUST WAITING TO BE EDITED AND PUBLISHED HGKLDSJFLKSD 😭

ahem. anyway. sorry for yelling lmao. onto the actual fic summary—basically, i decided to write this silly little thing about human, arospec lila trying to talk about a newly formed crush with an aroacespec will. it's very silly and fluffy and writing it made me giggle a lot, don't expect much angst here, aside from like a sprinkling of it for flavor lmao. that being said, small warning for some toxic queerplatonic partner vibes between will and lila, but the vibe is still mostly lighthearted, it's not too heavy or extreme. also, they're working on it, okay :') they're teenagers who grew up in abusive/traumatizing environments (which isn't referenced in the fic but it definitely shapes the way i characterize them), they don't exactly know how to navigate a healthy relationship yet but they're trying goddammit dskjfkdsafj

.....uh, if it's not obvious, i don't remember how i do summaries on tumblr fics ngl. there'll probably be a cleaner one when this gets posted onto ao3 in a day or two, so watch out for that if you'd prefer to read this on there :P tbh depending on how tired i am when i get home from work i might just go ahead and post it on there later today anyway oops

anyway, onto the fic now, hope y'all enjoy! :)

William's curled up on his side, his upper body in Lila's lap and her hands kneading though his hair in a way that mostly feels good, when she suddenly asks the question.

"Is it called a crush because you want to crush them?"

If this were closer to the beginning of their friendship, when he wasn't already used to weird comments like these from her, William might've sat up in shock, giving her a wide eyed expression of surprise she loves to make fun of him for. This is far from the most outrageous thing she's ever said to him at this point, however, so instead, he just furrows his brow and shifts in her lap a little, not even bothering to open his eyes.

"Lila, what on earth are you talking about...?"

She's quiet for a moment, her hands pausing in his hair. He lets out a little whine at the loss of feeling, and she huffs softly before continuing, using a little bit more of her nails than she was before.

"Let's say...like...maybe there's this person someone thinks is...pretty," she says, the words awkward and stilted in a way he's never heard from her before. "And because they're so pretty, that person keeps...fantasizing about...squeezing them. In their arms. Or under them."

"Ew," he says on instinct, his fingers moving to fiddle with the black ring around the middle finger of his left hand. "Is this hypothetical person you, Lila?"

"No, dumbass!" she says, and, well, that almost sounds convincing. "I'm just...asking. For a friend."

"But I'm your only friend?" he asks, genuinely confused. His confusion then turns to pain, however, as she pulls on his hair—apparently she found that insulting. "Ow! Lila!"

"I have friends. Mainly friends you picked out for us—" and here, she huffs, sounding put upon about his choice in companionship, as though she has no choice in whether she hangs out with them too, "—but friends nonetheless."

...okay, admittedly, he understands where the offense came from now. But still, she claims that he's her only friend enough that of course he would make that assumption, and it's kind of not fair for her to punish him for words he's repeating from her. And also, he must reiterate, ow.

"Anyway, it's for a friend," she insists, sounding a bit wounded. "God. Don't be a smartass, Will, it's not flattering on you."

"I'm not trying to be a smartass, you're just—ugh, nevermind," he grumbles, letting his eyes flutter open and sulking at a vague point in the distance. His hand drifts toward the hem of her skirt, and he plays with it absently, rubbing his fingers over the soft fabric. "Putting all that aside, well...um, sorry to your friend, but I don't think I'm the right person to ask about that. I still don't really...understand all that stuff."

"Ugh, right, I forgot you were a fucking loser."

"I'm not a loser!" he protests, but he immediately feels childish for it. He flips onto his stomach to hide his face in her lap, and is instantly rewarded with one of her hands on the nape of his neck, a warm, comforting weight. "That stuff is just...really complicated..."

"Yeah, well, that's cuz you're a loser who's bad with people, it's okay to admit it."

There's a twinge of fondness to the insult, and despite himself, he finds himself smiling a little at her tone. Still, he decides to retaliate by lightly pinching her on the calf, just under the crook of her knee.

"Ow! Will!"

She then retaliates to him by pulling on his hair again, harder this time despite only using one hand this time. He lets out a sharp cry of pain and smacks her on the knee, pulling out of her lap briefly to escape her wrath. She drops her hands once he's fully off of her and sitting up on his knees, and he scowls at her unamusedly. She scowls back at him, the two of them staring at each other for a moment with equal mild annoyance.

Then, face unchanging, Lila pats her thigh, looking even more annoyed when he doesn't immediately lay back down. "Well?"

He huffs, but obliges, flopping back in her lap, this time on his back so he can continue to scowl at her. One of her hands returns to his hair, and the other one grabs one of his hands, though it feels less like she's just trying to hold his hand and more like she's trying to restrain him from pinching her again. Which, really, is super unfair, given that he only pinched her because she was being mean to him. And she pulled his hair first. And because she always does shit like that to him, and he deserves a chance to defend himself...

...but she is petting his hair in a way he likes again, and her face has softened a little, her lips now in that tiny but genuine sort of half smile he's only seen her use on him. He smiles back at her, wobbly and crooked but just as genuine, letting out a little laugh despite how genuinely annoyed he was moments prior.

"You're the worst," he says, and though he kind of means it he also says it with all the affection in the world. "I am sorry I can't answer your question, though."

"Hey, you also suck," Lila says back, but she coos it in the same tone you'd use on a mischievous kitten. "And it's fine, honestly. It wasn't a serious question, anyway. I was just wondering."

They fall quiet for a moment, and William's eyes fall to their enjoined hands, watching as Lila idly traces his fingers with her thumb. He's struck, then, with the oddest thought—that being, the thought that he does love her, in some weird way, despite the constant bickering and occasional minor physical attacks. That no matter how hard she makes it for him, he cares about her, and he wishes she would let him do that without constantly trying to fight on him on it. That he's glad she loves him too, in her own weird way, because he knows she does but he rarely gets to hear her say it out loud.

Not that he could ever say all that to her, of course. She'd probably just make fun of him.

Instead, he says, "If it is you with the crush...you know I'd be here to listen if you wanted to talk about it, right?"

He's fully prepared to let the conversation end there, but she surprises him by letting out a sigh and saying, "I don't even know if it is a crush."

He raises his eyebrows at that, trying not to get too excited at the information he was just given. She'd hate it if he said it out loud, but she's really easy to scare away on these rare moments where she's being open or vulnerable. "What do you mean?" he asks, trying not to let his voice soften too much.

She groans loudly at that, but she hasn't stopped talking, which, score. "I dunno, William, like...the crush question was kind of a joke? But it also kind of wasn't?"

"...elaborate?"

She groans louder, loud enough to startle him a little. She must feel him jump, because she gives his forehead a light pat before entangling her fingers back in his curls, the hair petting having mostly stopped now. "When I think about this person...I want to hold them as tight as possible and not let go. And squeeze their hand and just...hold it. And..." She grimaces, like it pains her to admit it. "And kiss them, maybe. On their stupid fucking face. Among...other things that I suppose I will graciously spare you."

She taps his ring as she says that, making him giggle. "Thank you. I appreciate that," he says, smiling broadly up at her for a moment, before his face falls back into an inquisitive frown. "Uh, but, Lila? I'm no expert, but that...kind of sounds like a crush? I think?"

Lila chews on her lip for a moment, as if considering what she's going to say next. When she finally speaks, William feels his heart cease to beat in his chest.

"I know, but like...a lot of that is stuff I want to do with you."

William feels his face grow hot, and he stammers, ice cold panic rushing through his veins. Yeah, he loves Lila, but it's not—it's not like that, he's not comfortable with—she knows he's not—

"Not the—not the sex stuff!" Lila says suddenly, giving him a harsh shake. "I didn't say I wanted to do all of that with you, take a fucking breath, Will!"

Oh, he did stop breathing for a second there, didn't he? He inhales deeply as she told him to, letting her lightly push him upright into a sitting position on the bed. He twists around a bit so the two of them are side by side, and she immediately tugs him closer until his head is on her shoulder, awkwardly patting his back in a way he thinks she thinks is comforting. It's a little much, honestly, given that his moment of panic really was just a moment—it was instant relief hearing that she wasn't into him in that way, and it was kind of silly for his brain to jump to that conclusion in the first place anyway since he mostly knows where they'd drawn the lines in their relationship, even if they've never properly talked about it—but he likes these rare occasions where she attempts to fuss over him, so he's not going to protest it. It's kind of sweet, really, even if it's obvious that she has no idea how to comfort another human being.

"Ugh," she says, sounding more embarrassed than exasperated. "Ugh, I said that in the stupidest way, sorry." Then, after a pause, she adds, "I mean...it's all just stupid, anyway."

"Aww, no it's not," William says gently, very comfortable in his place nestled against her side. "I guess I get what you mean though. I know I don't have a crush on you, but I like cuddling you and stuff. I'd also feel weird if I suddenly felt the same thing toward someone else but with...other stuff too."

"Yeah," Lila says, sounding mopey. Probably because she's moping, if he had to guess. "It's not just that, either, wanting to touch this person the way I touch you also feels...different. Different in a way that's hard to pin down." She grabs his hand, having lost it in the shuffle of him sitting up, and once again starts tracing his fingers, running her thumb from the back of his hand, over his knuckles, down to his fingernails. "Like when I do this, it's nice, but I don't do it and think about you as my boyfriend. That'd be disgusting."

William barks out a laugh at that. Technically, it could be an insult toward him, but... "I understand what you're getting at, yeah. I want to be close to you, but you're not, like, my girlfriend or anything, and I wouldn't really want you to be. You're just my friend, but, like...a friend I want to cuddle sometimes."

"Stop saying that we cuddle," Lila scoffs, but the usual harshness of her tone is still rather muted. "But...yeah. Exactly. It's different, and it's weird."

William hums sympathetically, giving her arm a light pat. "Yeah," he says quietly. "That does sound weird." Then, after a pause, "I'm sorry. I wish I could help you more."

Lila huffs, letting her cheek rest against his head. "I wish you could help me more too," she bemoans, interlocking their fingers and giving his hand a light squeeze. "But, whatever. Just talking about it was nice, so you're not completely useless..."

Once again, William just chuckles at that. He can hear the unsaid Thank you in her voice, and he appreciates it, even if he does wish she would just be straightforwardly nice to him sometimes. Hell, not even just to him, oftentimes he wishes she would be nice in general.

But...she's working on it. He thinks. There's been a notable difference in the way she speaks to Martha, Ellie, and Regina, anyway. She's still on guard around Jim and Mike, and god, he doesn't really know what her deal with Tanya is, but she's friendlier with those three, at least. And...she's been more gentle with him, too. At the very least there's been less pinching.

He's proud of her. Which is another thing he can't tell her if he doesn't want her to laugh in his face, but, hey. Maybe one of these days.

"...you wanna lay down now?"

Her question pulls him out of his introspection, and William hums in assent, finally pulling his head off of her shoulder. "Are we gonna take a nap now?" he asks, rubbing at his face absently. "I got pretty close to falling asleep before, well, you know."

She sniffs, pulling her legs up on the bed and stretching out behind him, her arms and legs reaching each end of the mattress before she rolls back onto her side and brings them back in again. "I mean, you can sleep if you want. I don't know if I will."

"You're not at all tired?" he asks, curling up on his side next to her. They're face to face, now, and he can see the exhaustion in her face, as well as the slight flush left over from their conversation.

"Not really," she sniffs. "I mean, I don't think I am enough to fall asleep. I just want to rest my eyes a little."

"Oh, okay," he says, scooting a little closer to her. "I might fall asleep. You didn't want to talk more, did you?"

Lila shakes her head rather than verbally answer, and William smiles to himself. She's probably going to fall asleep too, judging by the way she's gotten quieter, but even if she doesn't, he knows she'll let him sleep if he needs to. Unless something important happens. Or if she gets too bored, which is something important in Lila's eyes.

She kind of is the worst, but luckily for her, he kind of does love her.

He lets his eyes fall closed then, pressing further into her warmth until he's tucked up under her chin. She doesn't fight him on it, instead wrapping a loose arm over him, and he knows he's very close to drifting off when he hears her ask one last thing.

"You're really not going to ask who my hypothetical crush is on, are you?"

It's an interesting remark—it almost sounds like she's disappointed. Still, it's not interesting enough for him to open his eyes. "I kinda figured I wouldn't be able to get it out of you," he mumbles, his voice muffled by her collarbone. "Why?"

"...I dunno. I just thought you would ask," she says, starting to sound close to sleep herself.

"Did you want me too?"

"No." She says it too quickly. And then amends, "Maybe..."

He laughs sleepily, resting one curled up hand on the small of her waist, wanting to be closer, trying to absorb the warmth she's emanating—she's always run weirdly warm, while he runs weirdly cold. He tries not too think too hard about the way that makes them fit so well together. "Tell you what. When I wake up, I'll pester you about it as much as you want me to. Is that okay?"

"I didn't want you to pester me," she protests, scowl audible in her voice. "Just ask."

He laughs again, suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of contentment. "'m gonna pester you so hard," he mumbles, picturing the dirty look he knows she's giving him despite his still closed eyes. "'m not gonna leave you alone until you give me answers. S'only fair."

"How's that fair?"

"I mean...you pester me when I try to keep secrets from you."

"I don't..." Lila protests, but she sounds amusingly unsure. "Besides, since when did you try to keep secrets from me anyway...?"

"Mm. I stopped tryin' cuz you'd always get them outta me."

"Well, that just sounds like your fault."

"...maybe you've got me there," he mumbles, chuckling softly. "I jus' think it's my turn to needle somethin' out of you this time, mmkay?"

"Yeah, well, good luck with that," Lila grumbles, making him giggle more.

The two of them then lapse into a comfortable silence, aside from their quiet breathing. William is just about asleep when he feels more than hears Lila murmur something against his hair.

"Love you, Will. No matter what happens."

He smiles widely at that. She must think he's asleep—rarely does she say that she loves him without him saying it first. Even then, he usually receives it with a (nonetheless fond) eye roll, so hearing it now sounding so genuine is a nice treat.

"Love you too, Lila," he mumbles back, his voice slurred from exhaustion. "Love you so so much."

Given the way she tenses, he was probably right in thinking that she thought he was asleep. Still, she doesn't respond with a protest or a quip like she normally does, whether because of her tiredness, or maybe she just wanted to let a nice moment linger for once. Either way, he'll count that as a win.

It doesn't take him long to drift off after that, the smile not leaving his face even as he sleeps.

[acacia-may]

9, 27, 69 and 83 for the ask game, please?

Hi there, friend! Thank you so much for the ask! I'd be delighted to answer these questions for you 🥰

9. In an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

Honestly, I'm very private about my original fiction and am not sure I would ever want it to be published, so I have never actually thought about this before, and I honestly don't know if I'd want to see it adapted for screen. I think a lot of book to screen adaptations aren't very thoughtful or respectful to the source material so I guess it would depend on who was making it and why. It would be flattering if someone loved my work enough to make an adaptation of it, but I think I'd only be okay with it if it was done out of genuine love for the source material even if our interpretations were different (death of the author and all that...😅) rather than just a soulless cash-grab.

27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? And who do you share them with?

Yes. I always try to get someone to read over a rough draft before I post it anywhere, especially if I am feeling iffy about it. That's generally @randomsprinkles the world's dearest editor who reads most of my work even when it's in really rough shape and will always tell me what to cut out, change, or fix! 😊 I have shared some rough drafts (or snippets of them) with other fandom friends/fellow fic writers too (especially if they write for the same characters or relationships), and I'm very grateful for their feedback and always try to thank them in my author's notes. 💖

I'm not super protective or secretive over my rough drafts, but I do get embarrassed sharing them sometimes especially when they're not polished at all. I have had some ridiculous typos before and it's nice to see those get caught & corrected, but I always feel sheepish about the fact someone actually read that silly mistake. 😅

69. How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel?

Oh absolutely. I think my writing tends to be deeply introspective when it comes to the characters, and it's always my goal especially when writing a deeply vulnerable and emotional scene to really get in touch with how that character is feeling.

I think when it comes to these really intense scenes, my writing process is a bit like method acting. I'll take a step back from my draft, close my eyes, (often times) listen to music that takes me to this particular moment in the story, and really try to get into the headspace of the character whose POV I'm writing in by pretending I am them in a way (like I'm an actor portraying them in a play) to get in touch with those deep emotions and purposely try to feel what they feel. I think I always personally feel emotionally moved when I write these scenes, but it take a very special one to earn real tears from me. But I have definitely cried a couple of times while writing, and I almost always take that a sign that the character whose POV I'm writing in is crying in that moment.

For example, there's a moment in "Am I Ready For Love? Or Maybe Just a Best Friend" where the POV character finally opens up about his deeply painful grief, but he's trying to be so strong and fighting back the tears. As I'm writing this scene, I get to this one line and just start weeping, and I stop and think to myself: "This is it. This is where he can't hold those tears back anymore and just starts crying because it's all so overwhelming." And that became one of my personal favorite lines I think I've ever written in anything (though it's probably more moving in context): "But…but mostly I think it’s just that I wanted to be with her forever, and”—there was a hitch in his voice as tears began to pool in his eyes again—“even now, all these years later, I guess I…I just still don’t know what forever looks like without her.”

In short though, I do think I empathize a lot with the characters that I write, especially when I'm writing from their point of view. Even if I haven't personally experienced their exact struggles. I feel their pain, and it deeply moves me. As a writer, I hope that I can convey that to anyone that reads my work and that they'll be moved to. I take no joy in making readers cry (and always try to apologize for it), but honestly, there is no greater compliment than knowing that something I wrote moved someone so much.

83. Less is more or more is more?

It really depends. I do tend to be really, really wordy so I suppose it would make me a little bit of a hypocrite if I didn't say more is more. But I genuinely feel that less is more in a lot of specific circumstances such as when it comes to descriptions of things. When I first started writing I would spend whole paragraphs describing people's clothes or the exact layout of the rooms they were in, but as I've grown as a writer, I have done less and less of that because I feel it's unnecessary and just bogs down my narrative. So it just kind of depends. But I do tend to ramble on and on so... 🤷‍♀️ I'm not sure if I have a good answer for this one lol 😅