#i do have an ao3 w some stuff published

[way2gosuperrstarr]

i wanna start writing again but i literally feel like the world's most ass writer in the entire universe . like is it really worth it if im gonna stare at it and hate it like .5 seconds after im done w it. i wanna write my y/n's story but like either its gonna sit in whatever program i'd use to write (i dont wanna use google docs due to the whole ai training thing .... idk if its fully true but i dont wanna risk it) forever or it would just be quietly archived on my ao3 without so much as a whisper to let any person know it exists 😭

[not-poignant]

Hi! Okay, so I found you originally gods back in like, 2018? Maybe? Time is fake. Anyways you wrote my all time favorite fic, then I found you again recently through A Stain That Won't Dissolve and I am just absolutely devouring this one as much as the other.

My question is, I know you have you original works published (Which I just saw and had no idea about and will be thoroughly checking those out.) But, would you ever do physical copies of any of your AO3 stories? I'm guessing the answer is no on that and that's totally fine!! But the thought of having those fics in my grubby lil hands in the form of paper is such a satisfying thought. But I am just as happy having them in a lil folder in my chrome or downloaded to my phone completely.

Anyways I just need you to know that you are a gods damn holy being and I am so glad you exist because your writing gives me a reason to keep living ;-; thank you!

Hi anon!

So I won't ever do physical copies of my own fanfiction stories, unless I like commission a book binder to make some copies just for me.

But as for my original stories on AO3, I do really want to physically publish them. That was actually the plan for this year - to start doing this - but I hit what I like to call Mega Burnout, and struggled just to write, and have had to backburner a lot of stuff, a lot of plans. I started to edit Game Theory and then...yeah.

It is the plan though! It's become especially true actually with later stories like Underline the Black and Falling Falling Stars. I think these could be really good published as unconventional psychological fiction, and I don't mean 'really good' as in it will make me a lot of money - I don't think they will, Perth Shifters taught me that book publishing isn't for me if I'm doing it for finance reasons lmao - but I mean... just for the satisfaction of seeing my own fucking writing on my own bookshelves.

I'm weak, I want to see it somewhere where it feels substantial, and where I can hold it in my own hands, and it has a cover, and a proper copyright page, and an index. Where it can be not just in ebook form because AO3 will do that for you, but where it can exist for audiences who wouldn't touch AO3 with a 10 foot pole (because they like missing out on great stories or w/e).

It's very indulgent of me, but as I get older, I look at my bookshelves and increasingly think 'those folks who have enjoyed my stories - including me - should at least have the choice to put them on their shelves.'

If you're a bookbinder, or willing to print them out for yourself, and don't sell them in any way or form, you can of course do it for myself.

But it grows so much more important to me over time too. <3

[sangrefae]

🌷 Writing Patterns 🌷

i was tagged by my bff @sangrientojoe tysm..... 💖💖💖

Rules: Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able and see if there are any patterns!

i only have 8 published works, discounting the two fics that are a collection of scattered drabbles, so i'll include two exclusive wip lines to make it 10 dfhbfjkdbfg

"'It's this challenge, apparently, a test of your restraint or some such bullshite...'" (FFXIV: in the purgatory of my hips [18+], unfortunately indefinitely TBC until i feel motivation again ghjkl;)

"Though having only closed them for a fraction of a heartbeat, Elinor opens his eyes to an entirely unfamiliar world." (FFXIV: a bit of chemical haze)

"Elinor stares at his hands as he sits in the grass outside Stillglade Fane, waiting." (FFXIV: i love you for psychological reasons)

"The wind around them howls, buffeting Shrimme and making it that much more difficult to find her quarry. A moment longer, though, and she quickly spots it; a victorious noise in the back of her throat, she reaches to grab the last frosty stalks left behind by the icetrap she'd hit with the aetheromatic auger and dutifully stuffs them into her bag." (FFXIV: a fever you can't sweat out, a comm'ed fic for @radicrow [18+])

"The large double doors that stand as the entrance to Skysteel Manufactory close behind Aymeric with a clatter, briefly overtaking the rhythmic racket of machinery that near constantly fill the air. It's a distinctive enough sound around the western parts of Foundation, enough so that some residents complain of the incessant clatter, but Aymeric has never found reason to draw close enough for it to have any effect on him." (FFXIV: wine and dine [18+])

"Stephanivien woke again to the sound of crying." (FFXIV: and i believe that you will see a better day)

"The steady bounce of the chocobo's running gait soothes something within F'toren, the rocking sensation steeling his nerves. Behind him, he can hear Haurchefant's chocobo keeping up the pushed pace, his love's voice still clear through the cleaving wind of the approaching storm. Toren shivers, his shoulders raising and ears flattening against his head as if to protect himself from the biting chill, and urges the bird forward." (FFXIV: acts of servitude, a gift fic for elliekat on ao3 [18+])

"For all his years being the Ishgardian Prince’s personal guard, Aymeric had never been able to see Ser Estinien Wyrmblood’s face." (FFXIV: steel blue, a gift fic for petrarchanconceit on ao3)

"Falin smiles softly at the older kobold woman as she approaches the worn counter, key in hand and bags slung carelessly over her shoulder. It's still early, but the dim space of the tavern is marked by the bustle of activity; carefully, Falin makes her way across the floor, murmuring apologies and excusing herself as she pushes past bodies." (dungeon meshi: unnamed WIP, centered around Falin during her travels after the manga finishes)

"For all intents and purposes, it's a perfectly normal omelet. The egg is nice and fluffy, rolled expertly into bite-sized portions easy to pick up. Beyond the dubious sourcing of the eggs themselves, the plate is clean, the pot they had been cooked on as sanitary as he could hope for, and nothing looks especially suspicious or threatening." (dungeon meshi: i'm sick of swallowing stones, a kabru-centric WIP focused on his issues w food and eating)

as for patterns...... i either go with a one-liner to try and get over the hurdle of Starting the story OR i do a little scene description. i kind of just. jump straight into the action no matter what though bc otherwise i'll get too off-track LMAO

i tag @scriberat @vesperaevis @lavampira @athina-blaine @solibrie and anyone else who wants to do this ehehe

[sothischickshe]

I was tagged by @bourbon-ontherocks (ty! 💛💛💛) to answer 20 questions for writers:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

21!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

278,245

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The only fandom I've ever published fic for is good girls

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Bringing down the neighbourhood

waiting for someone who needs me🧞

What a sight to see🧛🏻

(a) time to kill

yourself and others

I'm not sure the middle 3 would def be there were it not for the anon kudos bombing but w/e it's nice having some single chapter fics in the top 5 🤘

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! 🥺🥺🥺

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

A time to refrain (from embracing) methinks!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Both installments of the Are you afraid or is it true series are pretty fluffy. Maybe the second part (Through the park and by the tree) wins out? 🤔

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not generally. There was someone in the gg fandom leaving mean bookmark notes tho 🙄🗑️

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. What are the kinds? 👀

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't, and I don't imagine I would?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, not that I'm aware of. It could be interesting to see how it would go!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes actually, as kids me and a friend co-wrote a tortall 'verse crackfic.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ooof. Maybe spuffy? That met me at a very formative time of my life, and I didn't expect it to become so canon (as opposed to like under a spell etc) and I think that experience really reshaped my brain 🤯🤯🤯 but fundamentally faves questions are immoral thus this is a very rude question.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I hope I'll finish all of them, and do intend to! I'm not sure I'll ever write the hilarious abortion fic tho.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Mm, a love of language/interesting prose. A love of brevity/somewhat chiselled sentences. A love of editing/willingness to improve. Interesting stories. Dialogue, tho brio get little bc theyre annoying. Characterisation!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Well I violently dislike plot. I don't feel super strong on creating original characters. I'm slow! I'd rather let things be confusing than beat readers over the head with info, which I think can be detrimental. I wouldnt say my descriptions are super strong, though I think they've improved a lil. Sometimes there's too much internal monologue at a go which breaks up the pacing of an eg dialogue scene (though again think that's improved somewhat). My love of planning and love of pantsing are at constant war lol, I get grumpiest abt stuff not having been established earlier and thus needing to state things which couldve been well demonstrated. Blocking, sometimes. I love short stories and oneshots but I'm apparently prone to writing long fics & continuing things into series which I consider a real weakness, lol.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm not against it in principle, I've read a lot of books which contain a lot of eg French or Spanish (often untranslated). We've got access to Google translate or w/e right? I do appreciate it when translations are provided bc lazy (and I think Ao3 does poss let you do hyperlinked superscript?). I feel the same way abt it in fic as in other media I think -- if you're happy for it to be a bonus to those that understand and everyone else needs to work to figure it out, I concur. If you think it needs to be understood, then providing translations (even if just as notes @ the end) makes sense.

But I also think pls don't write it via Google translate... If u don't speak the language/don't have someone who can help u translate it, don't write dodgy shite Spanish or w/e 🙈 not everything needs to be literal dialogue u can just say 'he explained to his grandmother abt the change in plans' or w/e I swear

...o wait I'm guessing the q meant me as a writer not reader 🤦 I don't think I've done much of it? Altho I do always seem to imply that every character speaks French, a language I don't really speak so who the hell knows 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Published for: good girls. Wrote for hmmm I guess tortall books maybe? 🧓🤷🏼‍♀️

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Ooof, immoral question! Let's say upon your ignorance (and the gray despair) of your ugly life tho bc every time I remember I wrote a fic where rio & Dean swap bodies I giggle 😂 there's so much abt this fic which is very funny to specifically me teehee

Tagging🔖🔖🔖🔖🔖: @hereliesbb @nakedmonkey @nottonyharrison @inyoursheets @bensonstablers @blizabrth @delicatelingon & U right in the middle of your forehead if u wanna play 😚🎯

[bomberqueen17]

assorted, and snippet

it is a rainy sunday. we had a glorious last-gasp-of-summer week, 70s and sunny and lovely, and then last night as the sun went down it suddenly got cold and is going to stay that way.

today's my late father's birthday. he'd've been 79 today. farmsister asked the family groupchat if we wanted to do anything special but like, what? no, so we're just having our normal sunday family dinner. she decided to make enchiladas because while the tomatoes are done, there are still tomatillos, so she's roasting those. i decided to thaw a pork butt and i'll make a sort of al pastor kind of pulled pork for the filling, later. but at the moment i'm out in my cabin, which is a disaster area and needs cleaning. but at the moment i'm just listening to the rain on the metal roof, and i have the propane stove on to get it up to room temperature in here, and i'm dying to take a nap but probably won't.

i told myself i could sit for an hour and maybe write. I sorta don't want to write, I sorta want to fuck around and nap, lol. I'm at a bit in Peace-Tied where I'm trying to fold in stuff I wrote ahead that doesn't quite fit now, so that's complicated-- I've been resorting to using two monitors to have the old doc open in a window so I don't have to tab back and forth. But Fit For Thrones is also in an awkward spot where I wrote stuff ahead and like not a lot has changed, but I realized there needed to be a new thread introduced, so I've got to work that in, and I'm realizing a scene I wrote ages ago that was just fluffy and didn't show a lot of character development is going to have to get overhauled to fit the new concept in, which at this point is just a slight complication but later I wanna hang like a whole plot off it, so it's gotta be here-- if I put it in later it won't have any support and might not really properly hold all the weight it needs to, so. And this scene was just fluff anyway and needs more stuff in it. So that's fine. But it's hard. Because of course all I want to do is skip ahead and write the juicy weighty scene this is gonna support. But if I do that (again, as i've been doing a lot in this series, ugh) i'll get there and it won't fit and i'll have to do more of this fiddly kind of work.

I did only miss Friday's update because I was physically too busy at the time, though. It's the wind-down of the farm season but that just means people have started to peel away to do other things, there's not actually a lot less work, and so those of us left are kind of juggling a lot more balls, even if they're less heavy than they were. (more wittering specifically about FFP behind the cut, and a snippet)

So I have a bunch of stuff allllllmost ready to post, but a bunch of tricky work to do for the continuations of them. There has been a spate lately of very nice comments, some rereaders and some new readers, and I appreciate all of you and it keeps me going, really it does.

I can't find the one, though, someone commented on the latest FFT that they thought Morvran might wind up a bit subby perhaps, and I literally cackled out loud. (Someone else was speculating that he's more traumatized/demi/gray than pure ace, which I also have been trying to convey-- he's ace-spec for sure but gray, is where I'm headed with him.)

I don't think Ciri is going to wind up being particularly domme-y in her preferences-- she also would like a pretty lady to push her around please-- but understand she was raised by a bunch of dommes all around, so I had a very early slightly-cracky notion that she thinks this is how het relationships have to work (this did bear fruit in an outside-of-series published work on AO3 thanks to the Smubbles folks, here: What Every Young Woman Needs)-- but there's an excerpt here I haven't quite yet fit into the FFP continuity, which I suppose I'll put here for everyone's delectation (Ciri POV, of Morvran):

He glanced up only briefly at her arrival, flashing her a quick smile but returning to whatever he was writing, clearly intently focused. She propped a hip on the edge of the desk, waiting, and he finished writing the line and looked up at her.  There was something about the way he looked up at her, like this, something open in his expression that usually wasn’t. It sort of made her want to pull his hair, and made her suddenly understand some things about the way her-- Geralt and Yennefer had acted, around one another. She’d always thought Yennefer was perhaps too mean to Geralt, but she could suddenly understand Yennefer’s perspective, and see that maybe it… well maybe it wasn’t being mean.  But. She didn’t know Morvran near well enough to offer to pull his hair.

[grapenehifics]

20 Question Fic Writer Tag

Hell yeah I'll play. Thanks @palfriendpatine66 :D

How many works do you have on ao3?

AO3 says ten, but one of those is a series continuation of another one, so I count it as nine...although tomorrow that will go up by one, after the reveals for the Ghost Window challenge go out.

2.) What's your ao3 word count? 

Oh god. 690,376. I honestly think I was happier not knowing that fact about myself.

3.) What fandoms do you write for? 

I don't multitask well. I can write Star Wars fics or I can write Star Wars fics. I haven't even ventured outside the Clone Wars era yet.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Some Technical Difficulties - big gap - Solsbury Hill - An Uncivil War - medium-sized gap - An Unlikely Duo - another gap-ish - Down by the Seaside.

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yep. I like it when authors reply to me when I leave a comment, so I try to pay it forward. Also sometimes we get into fun little side chats.

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

At the moment, not one single damn one of them. They have angst in them, but none of them end on angst. However as of about twenty-four hours from now, my answer will be, Ghost Window AU.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Literally all of them. I'm happy to read angst, but when it comes to writing I am firmly in the happy endings camp.

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

I had some people tell me they were dropping out of Solsbury Hill because it wasn't getting to the Obikin fast enough, but I wouldn't call that hate. So, no.

(Side note, though: you don't have to tell authors that. Just delete your subscription quietly.)

But, I am also very ready to delete any and all negative comments. This is my fun side project; good vibes only.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

...pretty vanilla kind, honestly. Again, I read much more adventurously than I write. (Although, as recently as two years ago I would have said I don't write smut at all, so hit me up two years from now and maybe I'll be writing hardcore d/s, I don't know.)

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

By the strict definition, no. If you're talking 'dump Star Wars characters into settings of other movies', then hell yeah, that's kind of my jam right now. Down by the Seaside is Obikin Overboard. Next year I'm planning to publish Obikin Jurassic Park, Obikin Parent Trap, and Obikin Princess Diaries II. And I have a couple more on my to-do list.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Is this a thing I need to worry about?? Shit.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

@kittonafoxgirl did a podfic of Some Technical Difficulties and it is still like one of the top five most rad things that has ever happened to me; does that count?

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No but @fulcrum843 are currently mulling something over...

I do get a lot of help with my writing though. @piecesofeden11 basically wrote all the DnD stuff in An Unlikely Duo. I talk stuff out on Tumblr with folks all the time before I actually sit down to write it (or during, lol).

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

I have no plans to write anything other than Obikin, and there's so much new good fic that it takes up most of my reading time as well.

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I wouldn't call it a WIP because there are no words on a page but I love the *idea* of a fic based on Jenn Barkley from Parks & Rec but have no idea what direction to take it and may never get to it. (If anyone wants to take this idea and run with it please do; it is very much up for grabs!)

16.) What are your writing strengths?

This is a weird thing to answer about myself but I hope I write with a sense of movement, propulsion, even a little suspense - as a reader I love to feel that I have to turn the page, I have to see what comes next, I don't want to put this fic/book down - and I try to work towards that goal in my own writing.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting bogged down in details. It drives me crazy in movies when characters have these huge mansions but seemingly never go to work and somehow this has translated into me being incapable of just writing a smutty one-shot or whatever because what is everyone's job and how much is their mortgage payment and do they get paid on Fridays or Mondays and how many bedrooms does that apartment have.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

See answer above about over-complicating things: I came up with this whole system for An Uncivil War for whether I'm writing out the dialogue in a language other than Basic (I feel like we really only have enough information for me to be able to do this in Huttese and Mando'a, and even then only short conversations in certain subjects), or simply noting that a character is saying something in another language ("he said in Ryl" or whatever), or mixing Basic and a word/words in another language within the same sentence. It was important to me to capture that multilingualism, but it's also a lot of work, ngl.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

Technically Johnlock but I never finished/published anything.

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

I love all my babies equally, she lied.

It's the Can't Stop the Suns series, which is An Uncivil War, Pick Up the Pieces (more than halfway completed), and Sometimes Fate Steps In (loosely outlined). Sometimes I'll just look over my notes and get giddy about how much good stuff I'm packing in there and how much *more* good stuff I haven't even gotten to yet. I'm throwing the kitchen sink of stuff I love at it. Even if the final version doesn't quite live up to the vision I see in my head (it rarely does), as long as I get close I'll be happy.

I tag @piecesofeden11, @underacalicosky, @fulcrum843, and, as usual, anyone else who feels up for it!

[rodolfoparras]

So TW for slightly emotional rant and allusions to SA (mostly in context of Simon and his story and certain type of fics) in case someone needs it

I know I ranted about this before already (several times I'm pretty sure) but I think I'm little extra annoyed because of my own flashbacks and how I've been feeling lately but I swear I want to take Simon and keep him away from everyone, especially certain writers.

And like I said already (or maybe I didn't and I just ranted to bestie about it and I thought I ranted here), I can't stop someone from writing Simon the way they want and I'm certainly not gonna go and bully them for it in their dms but it's just so.... 🙃🙃

I have both written and read plenty of dark fics in general and it might be hypocritical of me but I hate when someone writes Simon in context of him being aggressor/assaulter (I can't even bring myself to say specifically what but I think you get it)

I just really want to write like a masterpost or something or publish a whole ass essay on him here so because some of y'all (and let's be honest here it's almost always fem writers) don't get to play with him and write about him until you actually take a look at him and try to understand his character. Yes, a lot of people have weird or even dark coping mechanisms and yes some victims become aggressors but y'all need to look at what you're writing.

Not everyone ofc, I have seen some writers do really good job on those fics and even if I don't read them and I don't see Simon like that and it's very triggering for me (exactly because it's him), I can admit when someone writes stuff with nuance and care.

✨a n y w a y s✨

Sorry for this long ass rant but I couldn't stop thinking about it and I just might actually write that character analysis essay

-🔮

First of all sugar bee you’re more than welcome to rant here !!

But to the second point you say you read dark fics and criticizing these ghost fics could be seen as hypocritical but I don’t think so at all! Dark fics on ao3 at least have the intent to be dark, ghost fics here on tumblr don’t even intend to be dark

It’s just that fem writers give the same traits to any and all male character which is daddy dom who’s possessive and obsessive and what not

And it’s a shame bc cod characters are fully fleshed out characters with backstories traumas goals etc and they’re unfortunately completely disregarded so that fem reader/ writers can have another dom daddy character to thirst ABOJT

[silenthillmutual]

my buddy @doomednarrative tagged me in a fic writer's ask game so ^_^ let's do this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

on my current account i have 154. being unemployed and hypomanic during lockdown will do that to you.

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

895,907. i can't tell if that's a normal distribution for my fic count or not.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

at the moment: silent hill, bloodborne, and pathologic. most of what i have up there is for pathologic. i've got other fandoms up there though.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

eight, thirty-one - 1899 kudos (danganronpa)

to quote mika, age 35, of beirut, lebanon: "where have all the good (gay) guys gone?" - 1066 kudos (danganronpa)

(they long to be) close to you - 1021 kudos (mob psycho 100)

all jotaro wants for christmas is kakyoin (and he screws that up) - 810 kudos (jojo's bizarre adventure)

anticlimax - 796 kudos (danganronpa)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i've responded to most comments i've gotten, though it's always months late because i tend to read the e-mail first thing in the morning, head to work, and completely forget to respond. responding feels more personal. i know i'd be more likely to comment on someone's fics if i knew they appreciated it, so i try to make the effort, even if i struggle to know what to say.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

god this is old as hell but probably life in technicolor/the end of all things. they're life is strange style aus for one punch man and genos dies at the end of one of them, and at the end of the other the city is destroyed. the fics are connected, but i won't say how.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

so tired, so tired, my heart and i (pathologic) is probably the sappiest i've ever written a fic so i'm guessing that one!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally. i got transmisogynist hate for when you finally get inovlved, face to face for writing chihiro as a trans girl, and it made me stop writing for danganronpa altogether. i got a guest user on some burakhovsky nsfw i posted (idr which one) who said "jesus christ, tag your trans shit". and someone who went off on me years ago called vita in motu (pathologic) "borderline mpreg" and they very much meant it derogatorily. so if i seem a lil paranoid about interacting w people there's a reason why lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

i do! i actually write more smut than i post because i am not showing everyone my oc/canon smut. like some friends will be able to see it but i'm not brave enough to show the whole world that. also a lot of au smut recently that has no context and i'm not posting it to ao3 without context.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

i did moreso in the past than currently. we're not gonna talk about the craziest one though<3 love and light

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

nah. i've had people write fic very inspired by stuff i've written but not copy-and-paste stolen, to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

people have asked but as far as i know it never happened. always thought it would be cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes!! w my buddy dj :) also published rps in the past that i shaped up into fics.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

mulder/scully is The Ship Of All Time to me. the blueprint.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oh there's a few!!

a rebel without a case rewrite that i started because i wanted to fix what i saw as timing issues in the film.

an akira/mob psycho 100... crossover? au? both? i had some real ideas for that one but it's not going anywhere

a silent hill au for mob psycho 100 that apprently someone was interested in enough to try and make their own while referencing mine. it was an audience participation fic and i'm honestly upset that i lost steam on this one because it was a lot of fun!

a magnus archives statement from artemy burakh. the idea behind that one was that he saw daniil die, and then be replaced by another actor... but artemy's the only one who noticed the different actor.

literally dozens of pathologic fics that i have started like you have no idea just how much i have started for that stupid game.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm not sure! my partner says i do vagueness well, and the unease that comes with that. i think i do decent at introspection in general

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action for sure. i tend to do better with thought than with action, so i can write really long scenes where absolutely nothing hapens. kind of an issue!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don't really do it because i only know like...extremely basic german and i feel it'd be a disservice to other languages to just google translate. i will occasionally describe characters using sign, but again... not knowing it, i don't feel comfortable just saying shit, you know?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i wrote something like fanfic as a like, eight year old? for a book series i can no longer remember. but for first published fanfic it was either bones or soul eater. those fics might still be out there, who knows!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

i don't really have one! i'm still really proud of o tempora, o mores (pathologic), vita in motu (pathologic), and my mind has changed my body's frame (bloodborne) <- less sure of that one bc not much feedback but y'know!

who shall i tag.... @stvlti, @brodyliciousbooty, @loudmound, @go-go-devil, @shogoakuji and anyone else who writes, consider yourself tagged :P !

[ravenclaw-writes]

Don't Mess With Moony

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Sirius Black

Description:

Remus has been in love with Sirius for ages, but lately, Sirius has been getting on his nerves.

OR

Sirius tries to flirt but Remus is painfully oblivious.

Word Count: 10,727

Original Publish Date: 2021-04-06

A/N: Heyo! Here's fic no. 2 from my AO3-to-tumblr transfer. Hope you like! Feel free to check out my other stuff either on here as I start to upload or on my AO3 where they already live :)

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Now, Remus Lupin would deny it to anyone who asked, but he had what was probably the biggest crush that was humanly possible on Sirius Black. He was able to deny it because, unlike James Potter, he did not go around moping about his unrequited love. Instead, he kept it bottled up inside and only allowed himself to indulge when the rest of the Marauders were sound asleep and he could have a quick wank to the thought of whatever ridiculously sexy thing Sirius had done that day. It was fine, he told himself. He had a system that worked.

While yes, Remus had irrevocably fallen for Sirius, that did not mean that the boy in question couldn’t get under his skin. And under his skin did he get.

Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus were all sitting in the Common Room. It was late and all Remus wanted to do was crawl into his bed and pass out. He was trying to decide if he had enough energy to wank to the fresh images of Sirius in his new black nail polish (he should really send a thank you card to Andromeda). James was on his back in front of the fire, Peter had claimed the armchair and Remus and Sirius had the sofa. Sirius decided that he wanted to take up as much room as possible, which Remus did not appreciate. He also did not like to be this close to Sirius as the clock ticked closer to his designated Wanking Hour.

Remus was tired, a little horny, his hip was acting up because of his awkward position on the couch, and on top of that a little agitated by the approaching moon. Logically, he knew that he could just tell his friends this (minus the horny part, obviously), but Remus hated bringing attention to anything that came along with his lycanthropy, despite the validity. Remus was hoping that maybe Peter would say something first, or maybe Lily would come down and tell them to go to sleep. James would, and does, do anything that woman says. But unfortunately, she did not.

“What about you, Moony?” James asked.

Remus turned back into the conversation. “Sorry, didn’t catch that.”

“Come on Moons, any Valentine’s Day plans?” Sirius teased, toeing at Remus’ hip. His bad hip. Remus held in a hiss of pain.

“Nope,” He said, popping the ‘p’.

“Oh, come on Moony, surely you’ve got your eyes on someone!” James said, turning his head to look at him.

“I’ll probably just spend it in the Library, if I’m honest,” Remus shrugged, avoiding the question, because yeah, he did have his eyes on someone. A certain grey-eyed, black-haired, illegal-animagus someone.

James shook his head in disbelief. “Oh, come on, you can’t seriously mean that. This is the first year we’ve all got dates! It’s only fair that we find you one!”

“All?” Remus really wished he had been paying attention earlier. He knew Peter was seeing someone, a Hufflepuff whose name he didn’t bother to remember, James and Lily were “finally official”, but Sirius? Since when was he seeing someone?

As if reading his mind Sirius smirked. “Yes, yes, I know. First Valentine’s Day in my glorious 18 years on Earth that I actually have plans.”

“Yeah, but you still won’t tell us her name,” Peter piped up.

Sirius flipped his hair dramatically. “Unlike some of us, I don’t kiss and tell.” Remus tried to hide his disappointment. He didn’t need the visual of Sirius and Mystery Girl kissing in his head right now.

“Don’t think too highly of yourself, Black, Remus doesn’t kiss and tell either,” James teased.

“Wait, Remus, you’ve kissed someone?” Peter asked, sitting up straighter. All eyes were suddenly on Remus. Thanks for bringing me into this, Prongs.

Remus shrugged. He’d only ever kissed one person. It was last year, Charlie, a Ravenclaw prefect who had stayed late after one of Remus’ Library Study Sessions. Remus didn’t even know Charlie was gay. But as it turns out he was very gay as they had done a lot more than kiss, specifically a few times in the prefects’ bathroom. Remus felt bad because truthfully, he was really only using Charlie as a sexual outlet for his pent-up Sirius Feelings. The night he called it off was also the night that James caught him sneaking back into their dorm. Remus did not confirm or deny James’ suspicions and since it was never brought up again Remus had assumed that James was still half asleep and had simply forgotten. It appeared that that was not the case.

“Details, Moony! Details!” Sirius kept toeing at Remus’ bad hip, a little harder this time.

“There aren’t any, let’s move on,” Remus tried to ignore the pain he was in and also direct the conversation away from himself.

“It was last year, I caught him sneaking back into the dorm,” James smiled, proud of himself. Remus flipped him the bird but all James did was laugh.

“And you didn’t TELL ME?” Sirius was taken aback. He sat up straighter and, in the process, pushed his feet into Remus. Remus tried to calm his breathing but fuck, that hurt.

“Didn’t know you were so interested in Moony’s love life, Pads,” James raised an eyebrow. Remus could have sworn he saw the beginnings of a blush on Sirius’ cheeks. “Besides, not mine to tell.”

“You can at least tell us who it was,” Peter reasoned. No, Remus thought. That’s the last thing that I want to tell you. Well, actually the last thing would be the details on how hard I fucked -

“I’ll bet it was someone from your ‘study sessions’. Those girls are always throwing themselves over you,” James laughed and pitched his voice up, “Oh, Remus, you’re so smart! Remus, you’re such a great teacher! Remus, I want you to bend me over this desk and -”

“They do not say that!” Remus interrupted, not wanting James to finish that sentence.

“They might as well!” Peter exclaimed. “That’s why I stopped coming, mate, it was painful to watch.”

Remus felt himself redden. No, there was no way that was true.

“Awe, Moony’s embarrassed,” Sirius teased, poking at his hip again, this time with more purpose.

“Would you stop that?” Remus snapped, turning to look at Sirius. All laughter in the room stopped. “You’ve been poking at my hip all night and it really fucking hurts, ok?”

Sirius shrunk into the couch. “Sorry, I- I didn’t realize it was your bad-”

“I’m going to bed.” Remus decided. He already killed the mood, and he was done talking about his not-plans for Valentine’s Day. It was a stupid holiday anyway, only useful for the February 15th sale on sweets at Honeydukes.

Remus stood up and had to grab the arm of the couch when he lost his balance after putting weight on his bad side. Sirius reached out as if to catch him, but Remus jerked away. He left the now silent Common Room and limped up the stairs to the dorm.

____________

It took Remus an unfortunate amount of time to cool down after that night. Luckily his friends were willing to brush it off, associating it with the upcoming moon. Said moon came and went and they were all back to normal. Remus had almost forgotten about Valentine’s Day. Almost.

As usual, the Great Hall was fully decked out. Normally, Remus didn’t really mind. Valentine’s Day was never his favourite day of the year, but he always secretly looked forward to seeing Lily turn down James after whatever stunt he decided to pull. This year was different. For starters, James and Lily were dating now so he didn’t have the shut down to look forward to. Peter was always hit or miss. He was the first of the four of them to have a proper girlfriend. Sirius tried to argue that he should hold that title, but James said hookups don’t count. If you do count Sirius, then technically James was the last to have a proper relationship as Remus beat him to it with Charlie last year. But then again, if it was proper girlfriends they were competing for, Remus could guarantee that he would never even place. He hoped that Sirius wouldn’t make it to the podium either.

Remus trudged through the day, it was rather uneventful as far as Valentine’s Day goes. He saw more action in the hallways this past Christmas when someone enchanted mistletoe to hang above certain archways around the castle. Remus was certain it was James looking for any excuse to show off his new relationship with Lily, but he never admitted to it.

He would never outright say it, but Remus was avoiding Sirius. At first, it wasn’t intentional, Sirius refused to get out of bed with the rest of them so their paths didn’t cross until lunch, but Remus did start going out of his way to take different routes to class not wanting to put a face to Mystery Girl. In his mind, she was extremely ugly. Or maybe bore a striking resemblance to a certain teenage werewolf. Remus was not ready to face the truth that she was probably the most gorgeous woman with the most womanly body and melodic woman voice. Someone the complete opposite of a gangly, scarred … man. He wasn’t sure why he was getting so worked up over this. Sirius has been involved with girls before. Remus has no reason to think that Sirius was anything other than straight. But something about the fact that Sirius had made plans with her on Valentine’s Day made his heart sink. So, Remus took the long way to class. He skipped lunch, had early dinner. He threw himself down on the couch in the empty Common Room.

It was sad, really. Moping around like a girl. Maybe then he’d be interested, Remus thought. He lazily flicked his wand and set the kettle on its way to the fire. He was really more of a coffee person, but Lily always made him feel better with a cup of tea when he got into “one of his moods”. He guessed that his current state did fall into that category. He reluctantly got off the couch to look through the cabinet of mugs for his personal favourite. The collection of mugs in Gryffindor Tower was secretly one of Remus’ favourite parts of the Common Room. Students could bring their own mug if they desired and most of them ended up just leaving them in the cabinet even when they left the school. Going through them was like flipping through a guest book of Gryffindors past. Remus’ favourite had the most obnoxious colour pallet with random shapes and designs. However, it one of the biggest and had the best handle for his big hands.

He was in the middle of flicking through the second shelf when he heard footsteps coming down from the dorms. “Moony?”

Great. He had gone all day not interacting with Sirius and now they were alone in the Common Room. “Not at dinner?” Remus asked, turning his head to face Sirius. Mistake. Sirius was wearing the pair of ripped jeans that frequently appeared in Remus’ dreams and a loose fitting maroon button-up with the first few buttons undone. His hair was still a little damp, he must have just gotten out of the shower because Remus could smell the soap he always used, even from across the room. This shouldn’t be allowed, Remus thought. He is not allowed to look this good. Remus noticed the hint of a blush on Sirius’ cheeks. “Getting ready for tonight then?” Remus turned his head back to looking through the mugs and tried to inconspicuously adjust his trousers.

“Finishing touches, yeah,” Remus heard Sirius start walking closer. The kettle started to hiss just as Remus was giving up on finding his mug. Some idiot first year probably used it. He grabbed a random one with a massive handle off the shelf. Huh. Surprisingly, it also fit his hand. This might have to be his new backup. Remus grabbed a tea bag and went back towards the fire.

Sirius had spread himself across the couch. When Remus turned his eyes flicked to the mug in his hand and he broke out into a grin. Remus gave him a questioning look as he began to pour the hot water into the mug. “That’s mine.”

Remus almost dropped the kettle. He turned to face Sirius. “What?”

Sirius’ smile widened. “Yeah, I brought it this year.” Remus looked down at the mug in his hands. He hadn’t really been paying attention to what he had grabbed but now, paying more attention he let out a low chuckle. The mug was all black, decorated with a pattern of white stars. “Get it? James and I went to some muggle shops over the summer and I just had to buy it. Leave my mark, y’know? Sirius Black, the Gryffindor.” Sirius shrugged. Remus didn’t want to get soft right now. He wanted to be able to have a reason to be mad at Sirius to justify his avoidance. But instead, all he got was another reason to love him. “It also has one of those giant handles that I know you like so I was hoping that you would be able to stop using the absolute eyesore that you normally do.” Merlin, fuck, Sirius! You can’t just say things like that!

Remus, unable to formulate words decided to nod his head and make his way to the armchair. “So, uh, what are your plans for tonight?” He asked, not really wanting to know but figured he owed Sirius the decency to at least seem like he was interested.

Sirius shrugged. “What about you?” He asked, dodging the question.

Remus decided not to press. Surely, he wasn’t stood up by Mystery Girl? “Homework, I think.”

Sirius laughed. “You and your bloody homework.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sirius started to backtrack. “No, no, nothing wrong with it, I just can’t help but think you should be putting yourself out there!” Merlin’s beard, he was not about to have this conversation with Sirius.

“I don’t know, I rather like my routine.” It wasn’t a full lie. He was content with the routine, but he wouldn’t mind if the person to ruin it was the one sitting across from him.

“Moony, you can’t seriously expect me to believe that!” Remus shrugged in response, sipping his tea. “What about that girl from last year James was talking about?”

“I didn’t confirm anything that James said that night.”

“Merlin, work with me here!” Sirius was getting annoyed.

“Maybe I don’t want a girlfriend, alright?” Remus snapped. Immediately, he regretted it. He hoped that Sirius took it as “I don’t want a girlfriend right now” and not “I don’t want a girlfriend because I’m a raging homosexual who’s absolutely in love with you”. The silence before Sirius’ response was telling Remus it might be the latter.

“Moony,” Sirius paused, as if he was choosing his next words very carefully. “Are you -”

“Look, why don’t you just go on your date ok? I’m fine alright, just drop it.” Remus realized that interrupting Sirius was probably a red flag, but he just wanted to be left alone right now.

Sirius relaxed his face. “I was thinking I might just spend the night with you, actually,” he shrugged. Remus was getting mad.

“Sirius, stop. Go on your date, don’t be an asshole, you can’t stand a girl up on Valentine’s Day!” Remus stood up, he wanted this conversation to end. If Sirius wasn’t going to leave then he was.

Sirius sat up, his hair was ruffled from drying a little while pressed against the couch. Remus tried not to think about how his hair might look similar after sex. “Where are you going?”

Remus sighed, putting his mug down on the end table. He was no longer in the mood for tea. “I’m going upstairs because I have work to do, you’re being an idiot, and I’m done getting your pity!” He started to make his way to the stairs.

Sirius hopped off the couch and followed him. “What do you mean, my pity?”

Remus huffed and turned around. “You know exactly what I mean! You’re going to bunk off getting laid to spend time with me? I’m not that fucking lonely for Merlin’s sake!” Remus started back up the stairs without waiting for a response. He reached for the door to their dorm but Sirius called ou after him.

“Wait, stop!”

Remus opened the door and started to make his way over to his bed only to see that he could not throw himself on it like he had hoped because someone piled various types of chocolates and sweets on it. He quickly turned to see Sirius standing in the doorway. “Did you do this?” He snapped.

Evidently, this was not the reaction Sirius was hoping for because his face fell. “Well, yeah. I mean I was hoping you wouldn’t be pissed at me when you saw but I know you like to buy sweets on the 15th so I thought since tomorrow’s a Hogsmeade trip it might be too busy, so I-” Sirius was getting red.

Remus, unfortunately, was still on edge and was not able to see the gesture for what it was and instead, it only added to his anger. “Merlin’s beard, I’m not your fucking charity case, Black!”

Sirius jolted. He quickly regained his senses and seemed to be inching closer to how Remus was feeling. “I never said you were!”

“Well, you might as well have!”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Fucking hell, you just can’t take it when someone does something nice for you, is that it? Stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself and maybe you’ll see that people actually care about you!”

“Just fuck off, ok? Go enjoy your date, romance her with a shag in a broom cupboard, why don’t you?”

“Fine, I’ll go. But you’re being a right prick, you know that?”

Remus turned back to his bed. He heard Sirius scoff and then the door closed.

Remus sighed. That could have gone a lot better. He looked down at the pile of sweets. Really, it was nice of Sirius to think of him. Why couldn’t he have just said bloody thank you?

Remus may or may not have had a shameful wank that night thinking about how hot Sirius had looked while mad.

____________

Remus ate the chocolate. He wasn’t just going to let it sit around and go bad, as much as he wanted to, simply on principle. Things were weird between him and Sirius for the next little while. He avoided the subject of Mystery Girl at breakfast the next morning, but that might have just been for Remus’ benefit. As usual, running around the castle grounds under a full moon set everything back into their place. Remus, after getting a stern talking-to from Lily, thanked Sirius for the sweets.

It was now March. Remus’ eighteenth birthday was coming up. It was a weird age, eighteen. He will have been legal in the wizarding world for an entire year but now he was going to be legal in the muggle world too. The other Marauders were purebloods, so he was glad to have Lily to talk to about the weird limbo he was in. Remus wasn’t sure Lily knew just how much he cared for her.

It was nearing midnight on the ninth. Remus was making his way to the Common Room. He was having trouble sleeping and was surprised to find Lily curled up on the couch with a book. She gladly lifted one end of the blanket she was using, and Remus joined her on the opposite end of the couch. Their feet were touching under the blanket and Remus liked the little bit of physical touch. He was feeling rather melancholic. This would be his last birthday at Hogwarts. He felt as if Lily could sense his feelings and they talked for quite a while. There was a natural pause in the conversation and Remus felt completely at peace, for once. “Lily?”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t think it’s weird that I’ve never had a girlfriend, do you?” He asked.

Lily shook her head. “No, I think it’s perfectly alright for you to wait for the right girl.”

“What if I don’t want that?” Remus looked down and started playing with the corner of their shared blanket.

“To wait?”

“The right girl.” Remus didn’t dare look up to meet Lily’s face.

“I think it’s perfectly alright for you to wait for the right boy.”

Remus’ head slowly raised, and he met Lily’s eyes. She had the softest smile. Remus let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and felt Lily place a comforting foot on his.

“Moony? You down there?” Broken out of his trance, Remus turned his head in the direction of James’ voice.

“Yeah?” He called back.

“Lads! He’s down here!” James yelled, presumably back into the dorm. There were sounds of commotion and Remus quickly turned back to Lily.

“Lily, they don’t - I haven’t told -”

“Don’t worry.” Again, with that soft smile. Lily Evans was something else.

James, Peter, and Sirius came clambering down the stairs and before Remus knew what was happening, they launched themselves onto the sofa. Lily yelped and moved out of the way. “What the fuck -” Remus was squished under the weight of the three fully grown boys.

“Happy birthday Moony!” James yelled from the top of the pile.

“It’s after midnight!” Peter, middle, supplied.

“Happy birthday, Moons.” Sirius. Bottom.

Sirius’ head was pressed against Remus’ chest and while it felt delightful, and perfect, and oh so right, he really needed everyone to get off of him because if Sirius felt the hardon that he was trying to fight back then not only would this be his last birthday at Hogwarts, it would also be his last day at Hogwarts, period. “Can we maybe not kill the birthday boy?” Merlin bless Lily.

“Lily!” James finally noticed that his girlfriend was also in the room and he pushed himself off the pile. This caused Peter to fall off but Sirius didn’t move.

“You’re squishing me, asshole,” Remus said, trying to push him off.

“Oh shut up, you’re fine,” Sirius got off of Remus and offered him a hand to help pull him back into a sitting position. Remus took the hand and tried to shut his brain off when it also felt right. Sirius sat on the couch where Lily had previously been. Peter was on the floor.

“So, Moony, you ready for the party?” James was now sitting in the armchair with Lily on his lap. Remus groaned in response.

“Oh come on, it’ll be great! We’ve even got other Houses coming!” Sirius added, as if that was supposed to make him feel better.

Sensing this was the wrong move, James piped up. “Not too many though, just a few we know you like to study with. Speaking of, do you happen to know a Ravenclaw Prefect? He was standing with the group, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with him,” Remus stopped breathing.

“You’re going to have to be more specific than that, James,” Lily teased.

“Uh, he has black hair, a little taller than me, kinda looks like Sirius but shorter hair and ten times more awkward,” James laughed.

“Oh! Charlie! He’s lovely! How do you know him, Remus?” Lily asked.

Remus was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that James said he looked like Sirius that he didn’t answer right away. He did not have a type. “Oh, uh, he prefers the library when it’s late, we studied together last year.” At least this wasn’t a lie.

“Oh ok, good ‘cause Padfoot was really trying to sell the party and said that you’d love to see him there. He looked pretty pleased.” James said.

“You WHAT?” Remus snapped his head to look at Sirius. No one said anything.

“I, uh, we can uninvite him, if you want?” Sirius said softly, scratching the back of his neck.

“I thought you said that you study together though?” Peter asked.

Remus breathed heavily. “Past tense. He doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Well, I think you might be wrong there, he seemed excited,” Sirius said, thinking that it would help.

“Yeah, well I’m not!” Silence. Again. “Look, fine, whatever. Maybe he won’t show up.” Remus sighed and got up off the couch.

“Remus I-” Sirius started

“No. I’m going to bed.” Remus left the room and went up the stairs to the dorm. He got into his bed. He still wasn’t tired. At least he didn’t cuss out Sirius this time.

____________

Remus’ birthday for the most part passed by in an uneventful blur. He was debating talking to Lily about the whole Charlie situation seeing as she was now officially the only person who knew he was gay. And she likes boys too, maybe she would have some advice?

Remus’ birthday fell on a Friday this year so he still had classes to go to but luckily, he wouldn’t have to worry about the hangover he’s counting on happening tomorrow. Remus was tired. Not because he didn’t get enough sleep, no, it was more a mental tiredness. He was looking forward to getting absolutely pissed tonight and just forgetting about everything.

Remus never looked forward to the parties the Marauders threw for his birthday. He enjoyed himself, sure, but he always felt quite out of place. Everyone was there for him. Or, well, that was the idea. Should he dress up? Sirius always did for his own birthday. But that was Sirius, he was an outlier in the data. Maybe he should get dressed up. This is his last one, and maybe Charlie will show up. Maybe that’s all Remus needs. A good fuck.

He sighed, looking himself over in the mirror. He decided that the jumper the Potters got him for Christmas and a pair of jeans was the best he was going to look. He could hear music and loud chatter from the Common Room. The party had already started, it seemed.

“Moony?” Sirius knocked on the bathroom door. There was also that issue. There had been no formal apology between him and Sirius. They hadn’t had the chance to be alone yet. It seemed that now was that chance.

Remus opened the door. Sirius was standing there wearing The Jeans and a Bowie shirt that Remus had given him for his birthday that year. Once again, looking far too good. “Nice shirt,” He joked lightly.

“Thanks, my idiot of a best friend got it for me,” Sirius replied, matching Remus’ light tone. That was a good sign.

“Listen, Pads, about last night -”

“Already forgotten. Today’s your day, Moons, you should get to spend it with the people you want to.”

Remus met Sirius’ eyes. “Thanks.”

“And as my apology -”

“You don’t need to -”

“Yes, I do,” Sirius’ tone changed. “And as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted,” Remus rolled his eyes. “As my apology, I am going to share this beautiful bottle of firewhiskey with you tonight.” Sirius whipped out the bottle from behind him.

“Ok, I can get behind that,” Remus laughed.

“Good.” There was a pause. Their eyes stayed locked. Sirius was the one to break it. “Anyway, I, uh, I gotta piss so …”

“Oh, shit, yeah, go on,” Remus moved out of the doorway to the bathroom. Sirius handed him the bottle and went inside. After the door clicked shut, he unscrewed the top of the bottle and took a large swig. He left the bottle on Sirius’ nightstand and made his way down to the Common Room.

“MOONY!” Remus was met by a very loud James when he reached the landing. This got the attention of the rest of the crowd who all turned to look, letting out a cheer of “Happy birthday Remus!” Ever awkward, Remus opted for a wave in response.

Lily pushed her way through the crowd and gave Remus a big hug. “Happy birthday, love,” She said into his chest. She let go and looked up at him. There was just something about knowing that Lily was there for him that made everything feel infinitely better.

“Drink, for the birthday boy,” James appeared at Lily’s side. He wrapped an arm around her waist and passed Remus a cup with the other.

Remus took it and James raised his eyebrows expectantly. Remus sighed, brought the cup to his lips and chugged.

“There we go!” James gave Remus a rather forceful pat on the shoulder when the cup was empty. Remus laughed, thankful that he had friends to support his wish of getting plastered.

Suddenly, there was a hand gripping his shoulder from behind. Remus jumped a little. “Drink up, Moony my friend,” Sirius’s voice was right in his ear, his free hand reaching around Remus to pour a hefty amount of firewhiskey into the empty cup Remus was still holding. Lily looked utterly shocked.

“Not planning on seeing tomorrow?” She joked.

Sirius moved to Remus’ side, his and still on his shoulder, his arm now wrapped around. Remus wasn’t sure if the warm feeling he was experiencing was because of that or the alcohol that was making its way into his system. Regardless of the reason, he started to down the drink in his hand. “You only turn 18 once, Evans, come on!” Sirius teased.

“Yeah, and you only die once too!” She shot back.

“Evans, if you are to one day become Mrs. Prongs, then I must inform you that us Marauders are actually immortal,” Sirius said matter-of-factly.

Lily rolled her eyes. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Just you wait, I am going to be the sexiest eighty-year-old you’ve ever seen!” James exclaimed. Lily shook her head fondly and didn’t dispute.

Sirius removed his arm from around Remus and started a heated discussion with James about how no, he was to be the sexiest eighty-year-old. Remus tried not to shiver at the loss of contact. He took this time to scan the room. Partly looking for Charlie, party looking for Peter. He always did get himself in the oddest situations at parties.

“So,” Remus stopped his scanning to see Lily had removed herself from James and was now standing at his side. “I’ve been thinking,” She said. Remus could sense that she was being very careful with what she was saying. “Charlie.”

Remus turned his head to look at her. “What about him?”

“I don’t mean to overstep anything, but, based on facts that I now have and your reaction last night, I feel like you two have … history?”

Remus chuckled a little. “You’d be correct with that assumption,” He took another drink. “Didn’t end so great, but also if he shows up tonight, I’m worried he might get the wrong idea.”

“The wrong idea being?”

“That I’m still interested,” Remus finished the rest of his drink.

“So, I’ll take it that it was not a mutual end to things then?” Lily was still hesitant when she spoke.

“Right again!” Remus laughed, starting to feel the buzz that he’d been chasing. “I felt bad because I was essentially using him because the person I am actually interested in will never be interested in me, so …”

“Well, at least you knew to call it off before it was serious,” Lily shrugged. Remus almost opened his mouth to correct her, maybe make a joke about how that was the issue. That it wasn’t Sirius. “So, who is this person that will never be interested in you?” She joked, bumping her shoulder into his side.

Remus sighed. He trusted Lily immensely. So far it was feeling really good to talk to her about these things, and he knew he never would be able to say it out loud without the alcohol so this would probably be his only chance to come clean. “Sirius.” Lily’s eyes widened and her hand flew to her mouth. Remus nodded his head knowingly and raised his cup to his lips only to remember that it was empty. He looked around the room for Sirius so he could get a top-up. “Where is that tosser, anyway?”

“Are you going to tell him?”

Remus stopped scanning the room again and looked at Lily. “I don’t -” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “He’s so painfully straight. I don’t want to make things awkward. Instead, I will be drinking my pain away tonight!” He raised his empty cup into the air. Lily just shook her head at him, knowing there was nothing she could say to change his mind.

An hour went by and Remus was drunk. The bottle of firewhiskey had emptied rather quickly and he was really craving a smoke. Remus wasn’t one for dancing, so he mostly spent his time at parties standing in the back watching everyone else jump around. It worked out nicely because he was able to sneak away to the dorm to smoke or take a break from the stimulating environment without his friends following him.

He stumbled up the stairs, one hand trailing up the wall to keep his balance. He pushed his way into the dorm and went to his nightstand to grab his pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out and made his way over to the window. He pushed it open, lit up, and took a drag.

“I was wondering where you were,” Remus turned quickly and saw Charlie standing in the doorway.

“Hey.”

“Nice party.”

“I guess yeah,” Remus took another drag.

“Haven’t seen you much this year,” Charlie took a step into the room. Remus sighed.

“This year’s been mental,” Remus laughed lightly. Charlie walked closer.

“I was surprised to get the invite,” Charlie chuckled, making eye contact with Remus. Charlie had nice eyes. Not Sirius nice, but he could still appreciate them. Remus shrugged. Charlie took the neglected cigarette out of Remus’ hand and took a drag.

“Didn’t know you smoked.”

“I don’t, not usually anyway,” Remus nodded in response, not really sure what else to say. Charlie placed what was left of the cigarette on the window ledge.

“Listen, Charlie -” Remus was cut off by Charlie pressing his lips firmly against his.

Remus made a surprised sound, but he didn’t hate it. Merlin, it had been so long since he had been kissed. He found himself responding quite quickly, his arms snaking around Charlie. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. It was his birthday, after all. He could snog someone if he wanted to.

“Mm, Remus,” Charlie moaned into the kiss. Remus could feel himself growing hard. He could also shag someone if he wanted to. Charlie broke away to trail kisses across his jaw and down his neck. Remus kept his eyes closed. Charlie kept moving lower and when his lips were no longer on skin Remus opened his eyes to see him move to his knees.

“Merlin, fuck,” Remus breathed as Charlie started undoing his jeans. He pulled them down and started palming over Remus’ bulge.

Charlie hooked his fingers into the waistband of Remus’ briefs and slowly pulled them down. His dick sprung free. Remus was a little embarrassed at how quickly he got this hard. “Fuck, I’ve missed your cock.”

Remus reached down and gripped hard on Charlie’s hair. “I’ve missed your mouth.”

Charlie chucked but slowly started licking the tip. He wrapped a hand around it and lowered his mouth. Remus groaned at his dick was met with the wet heat that was Charlie’s mouth. He started bobbing his head, stroking whatever wouldn’t fit. Remus tightened his grip on Charlie’s hair. “Fuck, yeah, don’t stop,” Charlie looked up and made eye contact with Remus. He did kinda look like Sirius, now that he thought about it. Fuck, no, don’t think about Sirius right now. But he couldn’t help it. Charlie’s eyes turned into the specific shade of grey that simply draws Remus in. His hair was longer, more curl to it. Perfect bone structure. Sirius, on his knees, Remus’ cock shoved down his throat. Remus pulled on Sirius’ hair, pushing more of his cock in Sirius’ mouth and he came suddenly with a loud “Fuck!”.

Remus opened his eyes when he heard gagging and looked down to see not Sirius but Charlie. He quickly released his grip on Charlie’s hair. There was a creak and Remus’ head shot in the direction of the door. That was Sirius. “Shit, fuck!” He scrambled for his jeans, trying to cover himself. Charlie swallowed rather loudly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He stood up, looked back and forth between Sirius and Remus.

“See you ‘round. Happy birthday, Remus,” And he was gone.

Remus finished zipping up his jeans and looked back up at the doorway but Sirius, too, was gone.

____________

It had been a week. The incident of the Birthday Blowjob had not been talked about. Remus wasn’t sure if he was thankful for this or not. On one hand, he was glad not to talk about it because that would also entail having to find out just how long Sirius was standing there. On the other hand, he just wanted things to get back to normal and if that meant talking about it then he just wanted to get it over with. Remus hadn’t seen Charlie, either. He wanted it to stay that way. If he ever did bump into him, he would probably play the “I was so drunk I don’t remember anything card”. It was a low move, but he did cum down his throat imagining it was someone else, so he was already pretty close to the bottom. At least he didn’t moan Sirius’ name.

He was tired of being constantly on edge. Even if Sirius had only seen the tail end (Remus prayed to whatever entity would listen that he wasn’t there watching him cum), he still would have seen Charlie on his knees and Remus half-naked. Not much for the imagination there. He was on edge because essentially that had been his coming out to Sirius. He didn’t know how Sirius felt about gay people, it never really came up in conversation. For all he knew, Sirius could be the nastiest homophobe. Remus’ biggest worry used to be that Sirius was straight and would turn him down. Now it was that Sirius was repulsed by him.

Remus took it upon himself to put some distance between him and Sirius. He desperately wanted to talk to Lily, but he didn’t want to disclose the graphic details. James? No, that would involve him having to come out first. He sighed.

It was a Friday night and Remus was trying to do some reading from the comfort of the Common Room. He tried to forget that this time last week he was sharing a bottle of firewhiskey with Sirius. He tried to forget that as the night went on, they stopped using cups and just took gulps from the bottle. He tried to forget that he’d had Sirius’ saliva in his mouth. How he would like to have more of it. Remus shut his book with more force than he had planned. Merlin’s sake.

“Hey.”

Remus jumped a little and looked over the back of the couch. Sirius was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Like Remus, he was in his pyjamas.

“Hey,” Remus said back.

“Mind if I join you?” Remus shrugged and Sirius walked over. Remus pulled his legs closer to his body so Sirius could sit on the couch with him. Their feet touched. There was a pause. “Do you hate me?”

Remus blinked a few times. “What? No, why would you think that?”

“It just - I feel like lately you’re always mad at me.” Sirius looked down and started picking at his nail polish.

Remus was about to deny that claim until he thought about it. Yeah, he really has been mad at Sirius a lot this term. “I don’t mean to be.”

Sirius chuckled. “Thanks,” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

“No, I just mean … There’s been a lot going on, y’know?” It wasn’t really a lie. Remus just didn’t want to say that the truth was that he’d discovered that it was easier to be mad at Sirius than to pine over him.

Sirius nodded slowly. “About last week -”

“Sirius -”

“No, please let me finish,” Remus shut his mouth. “I just, I want to know what I did that made you feel like you couldn’t tell me.” Sirius kept his head down.

Remus found that he was holding his breath. What was up with this couch and confessions? “Don’t take it personally, really. Lily’s the only one who knew.”

“You told Lily?” Sirius’ head snapped up.

“Well, I mean, she figured it out. All it took was my reaction to you inviting Charlie it seems.”

“So, are you two …”

Remus laughed lightly. “No. Well, last year. He was, uh. That’s who I was with when Prongs caught me sneaking back in.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. He was avoiding Remus’ eyes, looking over his shoulder instead. Remus nodded and started picking at the dirt under his fingernails. “So, you’re -”

“Gay,” Remus didn’t want to hear whether Sirius was going to use a different word or not.

“… How did you know?”

That caught Remus’ attention. “What?” Sirius was red. “Well, I guess my first clue was that I didn’t understand what you lot were on about when it came to girls,” Remus chuckled. “And then I realized that I felt that way about blokes.”

“Like Charlie?”

“Sure.”

“Were you nervous?” Sirius was picking at his nails again.

“Yeah. But I kinda forgot about all that when he kissed me.” Remus shrugged. If Sirius was going to make a fuss about this, he probably would have already.

Sirius nodded, taking this information in. “I didn’t have plans on Valentine’s Day.”

“Huh?” Remus didn’t understand the connection.

“I lied.” Sirius flushed again. Remus liked that shade of red on him. “I wanted to spend it with you.” Remus froze. He could feel his heart beating faster in his chest. “And I kept teasing you because I was worried you’d gone and made plans with someone already. I didn’t mean to hurt your hip that night, I really am sorry.” Remus had almost forgotten about that part of the night. He didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Sirius hadn’t. “I didn’t want to admit to myself why I wanted to spend it with you and then you just snapped at me. The chocolate didn’t make things any better,” Sirius was still looking at his hands. Remus’ mind was going a mile a minute. Sirius wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with him? Has Sirius been interested all this time? Since when? Surely, he would have noticed Sirius flirting with him? Right? “And then I felt like I really fucked up when we told you Charlie was invited,” Remus nodded. “Hence the firewhiskey,” He laughed to himself. Remus enjoyed the sound. “And then … well you know the rest.” Sirius was still red. Remus felt his face heat up the same way.

“Sorry you had to see that.”

Sirius chuckled again. “I’m not.”

Remus’ breath caught in his throat. He was about to open his mouth to say something, he wasn’t sure what exactly, when the portrait hole opened and James and Lily came stumbling through, back from their patrols.

“James, we’ve been over this, we both can’t fit through at the same time!” Lily said through laughs.

“But I don’t want to stop holding your hand!” James whined.

Sirius snorted rather loudly, and James and Lily noticed the two boys on the couch. “James Potter, ever the sap.”

“Oh, shut it, Black, you’re just jealous.” James tried to downplay the redness of his cheeks by teasing Sirius.

Sirius pushed himself up off the couch and stretched, his shirt riding up ever so slightly. Remus tried, and failed, not to stare at the patch of exposed skin. “Well, time to call it a night. We’ve got party planning to do in the morning!” Sirius clapped his hands together and joined James in walking towards the stairs.

“Party? What party?” Lily asked, stopping in her tracks.

“It’s ol’ Prongsie’s birthday soon Evans! Surely you haven’t forgotten?” Sirius teased.

“I didn’t forget. It’s just, didn’t we just have a party?”

Sirius barked out a laugh and wrapped his arm around James’ shoulders. “You are quite observant, Evans. We did in fact just have a party, but that was for Moony. This one is for Prongs.”

Lily sighed. “Fine. But just, maybe not as big as the last one?”

Sirius broke out into a grin. Lily groaned.

____________

A little over a week had passed. Whatever it was that happened on the couch a week after Remus’ birthday was never discussed again. And Remus was going out of his mind. He wasn’t sure what to make of the whole situation. His first instinct was to talk to Lily, but he felt like Sirius would want to keep whatever he was trying to say a secret. That also made Remus’ mind spin. There were things that Sirius only wanted Remus to know.

James’ birthday unfortunately fell on a Monday this year, so the party was set for the Saturday before. Remus wasn’t sure what the crowd was going to be like. He knew that James was more popular than him so logically there would be more people, but on the other hand, Lily did ask for a smaller group and knowing James he probably let her have that win. Charlie was not invited.

Remus was nervous. He felt like tonight was the night to decipher Sirius. Once Sirius was drunk, he would be an open book. Remus was not planning on drinking. He wanted to be able to remember whatever Sirius says to him.

He was in the bathroom, fixing his hair when he heard the music start. Voices became louder and it was eerily similar to last time. “Stop fussing, you look good,” Remus’ hands froze. He saw the reflection of Sirius standing in the doorway through the mirror. He looked good.

“Hair’s getting a bit long I think,” It was starting to curl at the ends.

“No, I like it,” Sirius stepped forward and reached up to run his fingers through Remus’ hair. Remus’ eyes fluttered close at the touch. “Remus, I- ”

Remus slowly opened his eyes. They were standing really close. Sirius’ eyes quickly glanced down to Remus’ lips. The air was thick. Gathering all his courage, Remus slowly leaned down and removed the few inches between them.

Sirius’ lips were wonderful. They were softer than they looked, tasted like sweets with a hint of tobacco from the cigarette he bummed off Remus earlier. But best of all, they kissed back. Remus felt like he was going to faint when Sirius’ lips moved together with his own. Sirius’ hands slipped from Remus’ hair and rested on the back of his neck. Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius’ waist and pulled him closer. The kiss deepened and Remus could have sworn he heard Sirius moan. His grip tightened and he pulled away from Sirius’ lips, kissing across his jaw, trailing down to his neck.

“We should probably head down, no?” Sirius asked breathlessly. Remus hummed in approval but didn’t stop. “Remus, if you don’t stop now then I’ll never let you.”

Remus chuckled. “Now that sounds like a good deal to me,” He bit down lightly on Sirius’ neck. Sirius swore and gripped onto the hairs at the bottom of Remus’ neck.

“Fuck, I want you, Moony.”

Remus paused to look at Sirius’ face. Fuck did he want Sirius too.

“Hey, are you tossers coming down or not?” James’ voice tore them apart.

“Yeah, just a sec!” Remus shouted back. Sirius was still regaining his composure. Remus revelled in the fact that he was the cause of that. “Continue this later?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That better be a promise.”

“Oh, I promise,” Remus said, smacking Sirius’ ass on his way out of the bathroom.

____________

Torture. The night was nothing, if not torture. Once Sirius had regained his grasp on the world, there was no stopping him. Little things mostly, just to tease Remus. But on multiple occasions, he squished his way through groups of people “accidentally” brushing his ass directly over Remus’ crotch. It wasn’t until the fourth time that he tried to do this that Remus decided that two can play at that game. He gripped Sirius by the waist, holding him in place. No one was paying attention, they were all trying to have their own conversations over the music. Remus pressed himself harder against Sirius, making his erection known. “Are you just going to keep teasing me all night?” He asked, directly into Sirius’ ear.

“Maybe …” Remus tightened his grip and Sirius bit on his lip.

“How would you like it if I did that to you, huh?” Remus lightly nibbled on Sirius’ earlobe. He let one of his hands trail lower, down the front of Sirius’ thigh. “I could just palm you right here.” Remus felt Sirius shudder. “Oh? You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Sirius started nodding his head feverishly. “Hmm, well maybe you should have thought about that before you started teasing me, then.” Remus released Sirius and took a step back.

“Oi, Pads! How much have you had to drink, mate? I’ve never seen you this red!” Remus smirked at James’ comment. He watched as Sirius tried to pull himself together while James made his way closer.

“Just need a bit of air, I think,” Sirius choked out. Remus tried not to laugh.

“Hey! Moons!” Remus’ head perked up and he joined the conversation. “Take Pads upstairs and crack a window, yeah? Lily will be furious if he pukes down here.”

“Yeah, sure,” Remus agreed and wrapped an arm around Sirius. “Come on mate, let’s get you upstairs.”

They turned and made their way towards the stairs, pushing through groups of people as they went.

The second they made it into the dorm Remus pushed Sirius against the door and kissed him. He responded just as hungrily. Sirius’ lips were still as sweet as before, less tobacco, but no alcohol. It seems that Sirius also wanted to be sober for tonight. Remus was thankful.

Remus broke off the kiss and started trailing kisses across Sirius’ collarbones. “Can I confess something?” Remus paused what he was doing and met Sirius’ eyes. Sirius’ face reddened and he looked away. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about when I walked in on you,” Remus raised an eyebrow. “I came so hard that night thinking about it,” Remus went back to kissing Sirius’ neck. He remembered their conversation on the couch. Sorry you had to see that. I’m not.

“I also have a confession,” He said. After a few more kisses, “I was imagining it was you on your knees.”

Sirius groaned. Remus felt the vibrations with his lips. Sirius lightly pushed Remus off and sunk down to his knees. Remus tried not to moan as Sirius started to unbutton his jeans. He unzipped them tantalizingly slow. Once undone, Sirius pushed them down Remus’ legs and palmed his hand against Remus’ erection. Sirius slowly pulled down Remus’ boxers and his dick was finally free. Sirius glanced up at Remus. He nodded, and Sirius began trailing his tongue across Remus’ shaft. Remus instinctively reached out to get fistfuls of Sirius’ hair. He moaned and Remus tightened his grip.

“I’ve had enough of your teasing,” Remus seethed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sirius replied, his innocent demeanour a stark contrast to his current actions.

“Don’t make me just fuck your mouth, Pads” Remus was mostly kidding. He very much had a dominant side, but he’d never had many opportunities to use it. Even with Charlie, it stayed relatively dormant.

“Yes, please.”

Remus choked on his spit. Sirius did not respond with words, instead, he simply let his jaw go slack. Remus nervously thrust his hips, edging his dick past Sirius’ lips. He kept going until he reached the point where he figured Sirius couldn’t take more. Sirius, ever impatient, reached for Remus’ thighs and forcefully pulled him closer until his nose was flush with Remus’ stomach. Remus let out a moan. Never in his life had someone put his whole dick in their mouth.

Sirius gave Remus’ thigh a tap, bringing him back down to earth. Slowly, Remus pulled out and thrust back in. It felt amazing. He gripped harder on Sirius’ hair and squeezed his eyes shut as the moan Sirius released vibrated around his dick.

“Your mouth is so good,” Remus said, continuing to fuck into it. Sirius moaned again, louder, if that was possible. His cheeks were red, and spit was dripping out of his mouth, he was quite the sight. “You look so fucking good right now,” Sirius made a noise that Remus hadn’t heard before and he pulled out and removed his hands from Sirius’ hair, worried that he’d hurt him.

“Why’d you stop?” Sirius’ voice was hoarse, and Remus’ dick twitched.

“I thought I hurt you,” Remus said. Sirius bit his lip in embarrassment.

“You didn’t, not that I’d mind,” Remus inhaled sharply at that revelation. “I just, really liked what you said.”

“That you look good with my dick in your mouth?” Sirius nodded, biting back a moan. “Well, it’s true,” Remus reached down and swiped up some of the drool from Sirius’ chin before bringing the finger into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius groaned.

“Fuck, I need you.”

Remus pulled Sirius up by the collar of his shirt and smashed their lips together. “Bed. Now.” He growled into Sirius’ mouth. Sirius obeyed and all but sprinted to Remus’ bed. Remus kicked off his shoes along with his jeans and underwear currently pooled at his ankles. He grabbed his wand and locked the door. No interruptions this time.

Remus turned around and made his way over to Sirius. He was laying in the middle of the bed on his back. On his way there he had kicked off his shoes and his jeans were also gone. Remus walked up to the bed and got on it, straddling Sirius. He palmed over Sirius’ dick. “What do you want?”

“Anything, please, just touch me.” Sirius moaned, closing his eyes. Remus smiled and lifted his hips to pull Sirius’ underwear down. His dick twitched upon contact with the cool air. Remus leaned over Sirius and reached for his nightstand. He opened the first drawer and pulled out his bottle of lube. He sat up and popped the cap, squeezing some into his hand. He tossed the bottle onto the bed and brought his hand down and wrapped his fingers around Sirius. Sirius made a sound at the back of his throat at the touch. Remus began stroking Sirius teasingly slow. When he let go, Sirius whined, and Remus loved the sound. Needy Sirius was definitely a Sirius that he enjoyed. Remus reached for the lube again and squeezed some more onto his hand before bringing it down to his own dick. Sirius wined again and bucked his hips. “Impatient, are we?” Remus teased.

“Please, Moony,” Remus was loving this new side of Sirius he was discovering.

“Please what?” Remus asked, cocking his head to the side.

“More, I need more.”

Remus loosened his grip on his dick and reached his fingers to wrap around Sirius’ dick as well. He started stroking them together and Sirius moaned, sinking his head back into the pillow. “There’s a good boy.” Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and his hips bucked involuntarily.

Remus tightened his grip on their cocks. “Oh, so that’s what you liked, huh?” Sirius bit down on his lip. “You like knowing what a good boy you’re being?” Sirius nodded his head frantically. “Use your words, come on.”

“I like it.”

“You can do better than that.” Remus tutted, giving their dicks a squeeze.

“I like … I like being your good boy.” Remus smiled and picked up the pace.

“Good.”

“Remus,” Sirius moaned. It was only his name, but Remus thought it sounded downright sinful the way it all but dripped out of Sirius’ mouth. “I need you, please, Merlin, please.”

Remus reached for the lube again. Sirius whimpered at the loss of Remus’ hand. He coated a few of his fingers before bringing them back to Sirius, this time much lower than were they were before. “Here?” Remus asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes,” Sirius breathed. Remus rubbed a finger against Sirius’ hole and slowly pressed in. Sirius groaned at the sensation.

“Have you done this before?” Remus asked, slowly thrusting his finger in and out of Sirius.

“Y-yes,” Sirius stuttered out.

“Not so good then, are we?” Remus added a second finger.

“I am, I am,” Sirius moaned out. “I pretended it was y-you,”

Remus tried not to moan at that confession. It was incredibly hot thinking about Sirius, just a few feet and 2 layers of bed curtains away, fingering himself, thinking about him.

“You’re all mine then, huh?”

Sirius moaned as Remus started scissoring his fingers. “All yours, all yours,” he repeated.

“Good boy.”

Sirius let out a strangled cry and Remus added a third finger, for good measure.

“Please, please, please,” Sirius whined.

Remus removed his fingers and quickly stripped out of his jumper. Even though Sirius had seen him shirtless before, Remus was still self-conscious about his scars and wanted to keep his top on until the last possible second.

He reached for Sirius’ shirt and he arched his back to let Remus pull it up. The shirt went over Sirius’ head and he lifted his arms up. Remus let the shirt bunch up at Sirius’ wrists and decided to keep it there. He pressed Sirius’s wrists into the headboard of the bed. “Stay.” Sirius nodded, eagerly.

Remus reached for the lube. After he successfully coated his dick again, he lifted one of Sirius’ legs up and rested it on his shoulder. He pressed his dick against Sirius’ hole.

“Please, Remus, please,” Sirius moaned, again with Remus’ name, and that’s all he needed. He pressed in slowly and Sirius moaned out. It was at this point that Remus was thankful for the noise coming from the Common Room that would drown out the noise coming from Sirius.

Remus kept easing himself in. When he was fully inside, he let his body relax. “You feel so fucking good, Sirius.”

Sirius moaned in response. He went to move his arms forward, but Remus reached out and gripped the middle of the shirt, pressing Sirius’s hands back into the headboard. “I thought I told you to stay?” Sirius whimpered. Slowly, Remus began to move, pulling out and thrusting back in. Sirius was biting on his lip, trying to keep his noises in. Remus started moving faster, desperate to get Sirius to release those dirty sounds.

“F-fuck, more, I need more.” Remus agreed with Sirius’ wish and picked up the pace. He leaned down and attached his lips to Sirius’.

The kiss was more teeth and breathing into mouths than lips, but Remus didn’t mind. “So good,” He moaned into Sirius’ mouth.

There was a knock at the door. Remus froze his movements. “Hey, just wanted to check-in, everything alright?” James.

Remus got an idea and slowly started thrusting back into Sirius. “Yeah, everything’s good!” Remus shouted back.

“And Pads? He hasn’t gone and made a mess, has he?”

Remus looked down at Sirius and raised his eyebrows, urging him to respond to James. Remus picked up his pace, fucking deeper and harder.

“Y-yeah! Everything’s good!” Sirius was straining, trying to keep his composure.

“You want me to come in? Moony and I can take shifts if you need it.”

Remus bit back laughter. “What d’you say? Want to take turns with me and Prongs?” He asked, quiet enough that only Sirius could hear.

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut. “N-no! That’s okay! Go enjoy your p-party! OH!” Sirius pressed his lips tightly together. Remus had found the perfect opportunity to find Sirius’ prostate. He kept hitting it.

“You sure?” James was persistent.

Sirius opened his mouth, but nothing came out other than the tiny sounds that he couldn’t stop from escaping.

“We’re good Prongs, he’s perking up, we’ll probably be down in a bit,” Remus replied, punctuating his sentence with a particularly hard thrust.

“Okay, just find me if you need anything,” James said.

When Remus figured enough time had passed and James had returned to the party, he reached for Sirius’ wrists and pulled off the shirt. Sirius’ arms fell immediately, and he gripped down on Remus’ sides, his nails digging into the skin.

“You did so good, so so good.” Remus pulled out completely and Sirius whined at the loss. “Why don’t you show me how good you are and get on top?”

Sirius nodded vigorously and he sat up to swap spots with Remus. Remus laid back on the bed and watched as Sirius straddled him and positioned himself. He gripped Remus’ dick and slowly sunk down. “Fuuuuck,” Remus moaned. Sirius slowly raised himself up and then swiftly back down again. Remus was in heaven. Sirius leaned his head back as he bounced up and down. “You’re so fucking hot.”

Sirius smirked, the cocky bastard, and began fucking himself faster. Remus loved how Sirius’ dick bounced around with him, dripping precum as it went. He could feel himself growing closer.

“Fuck, fuck, I’m going to cum,” Sirius moaned, and Remus started thrusting up in time with Sirius. Sirius reached behind him and held onto Remus’ thighs to balance himself as he started moving faster.

“Are you going to cum without me even touching you?” Remus realized.

Sirius bit down on his lip. “Mmmhmm.”

“Oh, fuck Sirius, yes, yes, cum for me, such a good boy.”

“Fuck, Remus!” The sound Sirius let out as he came was too much to handle for Remus. Sirius kept bouncing on his dick as ropes of cum coated Remus’ stomach. Remus lifted his arms and gripped Sirius’ hips. He pulled him down at the same time that he thrust one last time, cumming with Sirius’ name on his lips.

After the two boys caught their breath, Sirius removed himself from Remus. He reached for his wand that was resting on the nightstand and with a quick scourgify, the mess he left on Remus was gone. He then flopped down on the bed, resting his head on Remus’ chest. “Fucking hell.”

Remus let out a breathy laugh and started to lazily play with Sirius’ hair. “I would very much agree with that.”

“Remind me to get on your bad side more often,” Sirius laughed.

“What do you mean by that?”

“If all it took was me pissing you off a couple of times for you to fuck me like that then I will gladly face the consequences.”

“I think you’re forgetting that we made up each time, idiot.”

“Are you going to tell me that there wasn’t lasting sexual tension?” Remus didn’t answer. “Exactly my point,” Sirius laughed.

“If you piss me off one more time then you’re going to get a lot more than a fucking.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, now.” Sirius tutted.

Remus lifted Sirius’ head off his chest and repositioned himself so he was on top of Sirius, one hand on either side of his head. “When have you ever known me to not follow through on something?” Remus asked, lowering his head to kiss across Sirius’ collar bones. When he reached the nape of his neck he bit down slightly and sucked a large bruise.

Sirius pushed Remus’ head away. “Okay, okay, I take it back. I can’t do another round just yet, Merlin!”

Remus chuckled and put his weight back on the bed beside Sirius. “Don’t mess with me, Black.”

“Oh, you know I already plan to.”

[det2x-fanfic-dump]

MY OVERALL FANFIC TITLES MASTERSLIST

THIS MASTERLIST SHOWCASE THE OVERALL FANFIC TITLES I MADE. JUST REALIZED IT'S UNFAIR TO ONLY FEATURE HERE TWST STUFF:

Legend:

(This is to show what the status of the fanfics are)

Ongoing- Current Working on writing it

Hiatus - Probably caused by writer's block or other fanfic is currently in the works; but not forgotten ; will magically update

Incomplete: Undetermined hiatus ; Closed to dropping or author is forgetting it ;

Open for Requests: This fics can be updated by requesting a chapter. (Comments can be here or in Ao3)

NOTE: Fair warning...the fanfics in ff.net is so old...you may find the grammar cringe but I am proud on some of them.

TWISTED WONDERLAND:

MASTERLIST FOR TWST FANFICS

Masterlist for TWST is in a different Tumblr Post

Status : Ongoing

Source: Archive of Our Own Published Date: 2023 Aug.

MASTERLIST OF TWST X OBEY ME HEADCANONS:

Source : Tumblr

Harvest Moon Series

Title: Taking what is Mine

Status: Incomplete (Chapters 5/??) Published Date: 2022 Aug.

Source: Archive of Our Own

Reason/Plans: Wanting to restart this but currently not in the Harvest Moon mood

Summary:

Gray's dream is to become a farmer someday and he will do anything it takes to achieve that dream but he was beaten by the new resident in Mineral Town, is it gonna be the end for him ever being a farmer? Is he still gonna be just a blacksmith apprentice?

2. The Days you changed my life

Status: Complete (Chapters 1/1)

Source: Fanfiction.net Published Date: 2015 May

Summary:

Claire don't get along well in the villagers easily and a certain friend helped her stand up and changed all that. There's that friend that guided her to the right path. First hm fanfic.((Sorry if I get their attitudes wrong this is a fanfic after all))

Note: This is a very old fanfic...The grammar may suck

Danganronpa :

Shuich-i to Kokichi

Status: Complete (Chapters 15/15)

Source: Archive of Our Own Published Date: 2018 Jan.

Summary:

Shuichi and Kokichi swapped bodies thanks to dear Korekiyo after watching him do his rituals. It wasn't intentional and for some reason they just have to deal with it by helping each other? It's just a simple to understand yet a complicated situation that they happen to be in. What will their relationship to each other and to the other students when such a thing like this happens? Will they cope each other's lives? Probably not. Note: Tried doing a KaedexKokichi scenario but sadly in my opinion, it's very very weak compared to the other ships.

2. Meeting the Danganronpa 53 cast

Status: Incomplete ; Possibly Dropped (Chapters 8/18)

Source: Archive of Our Own Published Date: 2018 Feb.

Reason/ Plans: Forgotten but eventually decided to stop until miracle happen ; Not in Danganronpa mood

Summary:

Do the v3 cast ever wonder how their lives were before they become fictional characters? Of course they wouldn’t because they didn’t even know their situation yet. DRV3 has already been a hit in the fandom but a serious and random bug occurs in the game. Our ultimates have finally saw their dopplegangers/ counterparts/ past selves or whatever you wanna call it. What will Monokuma would do if this happen?'

Miraculous Ladybug

Note: All of Miraculous Ladybug fanfics are dropped/ incomplete, I outgrew the fandom enough to think of fanfics

Ladybug's Biggest Fan

Status: Incomplete; Dropped (Chapters 25/?? ; w/ Author's note in chapters )

Source: Fanfiction.net Published Date: 2016 May

Summary:

Marinette found out who Chat Noir is through Love letters. 

2. A Human Pet

Status: Complete (Chapters 11/11)

Source: Fanfiction.net Published Date: 2016 April

Summary:

It's finally time to adopt a cat. This is Marinette's sudden decision and a certain Chat Noir passes by and a surprise awaits him that he can't even explain what and how that is.

3. Maid's Life

Status: Incomplete; Dropped (Chapters 8/?? )

Source: Fanfiction.net Published Date: 2016 May

Summary:

A sequel of "A Human Pet". (I suggest you read that story first before reading this one.) A post revelation story where Marinette has a request for her dear boyfriend.

POKEMON SPECIAL:

Dating his Best Friend's Sister

Status: Complete (Chapters 21/21)

Source: Fanfiction.net Published Date: 2015 April

Summary:

Gold's sister, Lyra went home in Johto after her studies in Kanto and Gold had the feeling that Silver and Lyra has some connection and he don't know what to do and how to react? Is Gold gonna be insane and over-protective now? Is he not the carefree guy? THIS IS SOULSILVERSHIPPING. HINTS OF/CONTAINS MANGAQUEST, SPECIAL, FRANTIC, AND OLDRIVAL. 1ST POKESPE FANFIC

2. Elite Poke Academy

Status : Incomplete ; Dropped (Chapters 15/??)

Reason: I forgot the intention of this plot if I would continue this.

Summary:

Theres a reason why it's called elite a pokespe & anime crossover that will experience school life whether they like it or not. Even if they have their similarities and differences will they still go well at each others' presence and maybe enhances their strenght aside pokemon related? (I suck at summaries, ships are still deciding depending on readers but there's multiple ships.)

[royallygray]

I’m busy today ahsjsk but prepare for me to ramble your ears off later

also take a guess at which ship 💀 you’ll never get it /s

also also also did I reblog that from you and if so spill I want to hear what you’re writing /nf

OOOOOH

I bet you seventy monopoly bucks it's ethubs. just. just a subtle guess. maybe. possibly. actually quite unlikely it's not like you ship them or anything 😁

Idk if you reblogged that from me either and idk what /nf means but. ok.

So I have my main AU, soul horizon au, aka around my soul and beyond your horizon, and the masterpost of everything relating to it is here. It's Scarian and Gempearl but it's actually centered around everyone's friendship and something except I haven't actually done a lot of writing for it but I have stuff about Pearl and I have a mutual Peri @periwinklepaint (the best I love them sm just shdhagjah) she's so talented and has drawn 3(THREE!!!!!!!! :D) Pearl drawings in soul horizon au and she's the one that has kept me going in this au

And then my other main not fanfic one is iw8, that I've talked about a teeny bit, but it's my self-indulgent ass half-my-300-OCs fic, that also doesn't actually have anything written for IT-- WAIT I DO I HAVE AN AO3 AND IVE PUBLISHED SOME STUFF FOR IW8 LETS GOO

my ao3 is royalwriteswords and the series is called iw8 | Eternality under my RoyallyGray pseud

I hate half of them but yeah

uhh I've ranted sufficiently

Oh yeah I ranted a little bit about Skyler in a post. She's an OC in iw8

did I mention that iw8 is technically a Harry Potter fanfic. that crosses over with Percy Jackson. and also keeper of the lost cities. but I tend to ignore that bc it diverged primarily into family dynamics and shit bc the main family (Crownes) (Crown-nez) has a long line of people and just. a lot of people with different dynamics and shit and I could probably stop ranting but honestly I'm having fun

Okay so the main character--im unsure if I'm gonna change her name or not--is named Sarah Crownes. Which is the self insert that got out of hand and she was a Mary Sue fucking overpowered as hell (she's still overpowered but it's less relevant now) and she's massively fucked up

HO TT OGO YOU CAN TAKE ME HOT TO GO

I've gotten rly into Chappell Roan and that's been playing in my head

Anyways Sarah has a younger brother called Scott, and a younger sister called Skyler. They're all 9 years apart, and Sarah just turned 18 by the time Skyler was born.

I killed their parents, Sasha Black (yes she's related to sirius. they are twins. yes it's cringe. shut up. embrace the cringe. maybe.) and Davis Crownes (Hermione's mom's brother. now we don't know if Hermione's mom has siblings. but we also don't even know her fucking name so TECHNICALLY Davis can be canon anyways I digress) on the same day that Skyler was born (December 24, 1997). don't blame me, blame Voldemort. it was Voldemort.

Unfortunately, I fucked over Sarah bc why not. Davis and Sasha made Sarah the primary like. person of their will to take care of Scott and Incoming Baby once she turned 18 (December 18, 1997. born 1979) and like.

Sarah is grieving and also fighting in a fucking war when they die and leave the kids to her but also everyone else on their list is either ALSO FIGHTING IN THE FUCKING WAR or otherwise unfit. Like Remus? bro he's not doing well. also in war. the Weasleys? in war. Paul and Alyssa (OCs)? fighting in war.

like. they're all fucked.

also I made this decision like ages ago when I was less mature and less understanding of world, but Sarah sent Scott to Camp Half Blood and Skyler to Camp Jupiter. The reason they're at separate and not at the same is bc Sarah didn't want Scott to feel absolutely over responsible at all times over Skyler and just. yeah

but I feel like there's gotta be a more seamless way of her to do that than just sending them to camps bc she can't take care of them but I haven't figured that out yet anyways

Im done with this post let me know if you have questions and/or want more :D

thanks for the ask Kat <3

[thegeminisage]

okay liz. i want to start reading cambionverse. where do i start?

HELLO AND OH MY GOD THANK YOU.......you've made this old woman's dream come true :') (i am only being a little dramatic)

i'm gonna give you a short answer and a long answer. you don't really need to read the long answer if it seems overwhelming. i get excited and overexplain things!!!

short answer:

the very first thing to read is the fic cambion. we wrote this fic first, which is why the verse is named after it. after you read cambion, you can reasonably jump in anywhere else on the series page and not be too confused, as long you don't jump to envesseled. cambion first, envesseled last. if you can just remember that, then any amount of shuffling the middle will be perfectly fine.

i have my own opinion for how to read the middle but i'm saving it for the end. please feel free to skip to it!

long answer:

this series is about jesse (half-demon kid from 5.06), ben (dean's maybe-kid from seasons 3 & 6), and claire (cas's temporary vessel in 4.20, and the daughter of his current vessel; she technically returned in s10, but "our" claire had already become her own totally different character by then), and their search for sam and dean, who have been missing for three years. cambion is jesse's fic, only human is ben's fic, and envesseled is claire's fic. but there are a lot of other fics that we wrote taking place in between them.

since we started writing this series while the end of s6 was airing, it will be helpful, but not necessary, to have passing knowledge of s6. we have plenty of exposition to fill in people who didn't watch but the added context is always nice.

ok, down to business! you know how the narnia books and star wars movies were published not chronologically? as in, stuff that happened later was published before stuff that happened earlier? @cambionverse is kinda like that. we have the jesse-ben-claire era and the sam-dean-cas era and even the ben-claire only era, and everyone will have their own preferences about which order to read it in. some options are as follows:

you can read it in the order we published it. pros: you can see things unfold in the same way we did as we went along, and the relationships will feel like they build more organically. cons: you will be going back and forth in time a lot, which may get confusing.

you can read it in chronological order. pros: you can go start to finish without skipping around too much in time. cons: it will take absolute ages to meet jesse, the star of this show. also, the first chronological fics have massive spoilers for cambion, so if you read them before you read cambion you're kind of ruining that fic for yourself, which is a huge bummer.

the published order and the chronological order are both on the series page. here is a screenshot:

WHAT I WOULD DO:

since both of these orders are flawed, i made my own idea, which is to read cambion, then go (mostly) chronologically. like this:

cambion - jesse's big pov fic, the ultimate verse-establisher

enter night - sam-dean-cas prequel. also meg is there <3

synchronicity - ben and claire's meetcute & budding partnership

antichrist problems - jesse, post-cambion, going thru it

only human - ben's big pov fic, an adventure w/ djinn & bisexuality

a house in nebraska - this one is about jesse's adoptive parents

oneshots collection - odds and ends

envesseled - claire's big pov fic, which we are currently publishing

i think this is the best of both worlds. you avoid most major spoilers, get to meet jesse early, and there's not so much going back and forth along the timeline that you get confused (you only really jump like twice).

thank you SOOOOO much for asking, i hope this post didn't put you off or anything and that if you decide to give it a try you enjoy it...it's definitely my pride and joy more than anything else i have ever put on ao3

edit also i forgot to add we have a blog specifically for the series if you wanna peruse it, it's @cambionverse

[daydadahlias]

have you or do you think you would ever write an original story and publish it? like changing the names of your characters (because i know you’ve said that your characters are normally completely made up and you just use the boys names and faces for them in a way??). your writing is so well thought out and beautiful that i genuinely think they’d do amazing as original stories (of course, i also know that you wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t fun for you so i understand if changing the names of the characters would take that out of it for you)

hello !!! so i will first say that I don't really remember what you're referencing about me completely making up characters because the reason I like writing for this fandom is because of the guys. like, obviously every version I write of them is different and original, but I'm writing using some base characteristics of the 5sos guys. if i was just writing original characters and using other people's faces/name, I would pick a more popular fandom sdfghjk. so, for the most part, while I'm writing AUs and original stories, I am picturing 5sos and trying to base a lot of what i write off their personalities or variants of them :)

all that said, I do write original stories!! I've written lots of original books w/ original characters before (and short stories + poetry) and my dream is to publish one day and it's something that I've been working more towards in the last year. I wanted to wait until I had a decent catalogue before I started submitting and now that I do, I've been in the process of sending stuff off :) I don't want to get into, like, a ton of nitty gritty details about the publishing industry lmao but I would literally rather die than self-publish a book <3 so, to publish a book traditionally, I need to publish a bunch of short-form media first. So, right now, I'm trying to publish short stories + poems in magazines/journals and THEN I'll start trying to publish a book. But, if it's my first book, I won't be able to publish something that's like 70k+ which is what most of my fics are. And one of the reasons that I write these stories as fic versus original stories is largely due to their length. Because, like, as much as I love MiM and would really love to publish it one day with original characters (which I have also been editing it to be), I won't be able to do that until I publish smaller works first :) so for right now, I'm working on publishing poetry + short stories!! then, I'll try to work my way up to publishing my pre-existing original novels that are under 70k. and THEN, after all of that lmfao, I can start to think abt trying to publish longform stories like the chaptered fics I have on ao3 rn :)

[shivunin]

✨ First Lines Meme ✨

Rules:  Share the first line of your last ten published works or as many as you are able to and see if there are any patterns!

Thanks for the tag @greypetrel!

This feels like sorting things to my brain, so I am feeling very !!! about this rn. (Also. I didn't figure out how to change text color on tumblr until literally just now, so that's fun c:)

Zevwen, Cullavellan, Fenhawke

AO3 First Lines:

Byways and Lay-bys (Zevran/Tabris, 1,855 Words):

The fight was quick and brutal.

Palimpsest (Fenris/Hawke, 11,038 Words)

Hate had been scrawled over Fenris’s skin long ago.

As Two Reflected Stars (Fenris/Hawke, 12,436 Words)

“Well, what do you want to do, Fenris?” Hawke asked, crouched beside him with her elbows resting on her knees. 

Katabasis (Cullen/Lavellan, 25,324 Words)

“Dying.”

Sleight of Hand (Fenris/Hawke, 7,470 Words)

In the hours before showtime, Hawke sometimes liked to come to the stage and stand just behind the curtains.

Book of Memories (Cullen/Lavellan, 62,304 Words)

Echo—a basement or dungeon, dim and close and stinking.

Pour Forth (Fenris/Hawke, 3,845 Words)

The first time she said it, Fenris had just taken a crushing blow to his leg on the Wounded Coast.

Breath of Life (Zevran/Tabris, 7,562 Words)

“When I heard that the great Zevran had gone rogue, I simply had to see it for myself.”

Winter's Grasp (Fenris/Hawke, 4,834 Words)

Winter hung heavy over Kirkwall.

Your Fate for Mine (Cullen/Lavellan, bg Fenris/Hawke, 129,681 Words)

How long had they been running through this endless dreamscape of rocks and seas and the endless, roiling green sky?

Cracking up at Katabasis haha. I decided to do a couple of my WIP ones under the cut and I'll stick the analysis there, too, for neatness. But for now:

Tagging @scribbledquillz @heniareth @zenstrike and you!! (I've just realized idk how many of my new mutuals write fic and I don't want to pressure anyone who hasn't posted unfinished stuff yet! please count yourself tagged if you want to do this!)

WIP First Lines:

Aerolite (Fenris/Hawke, 4,214 Words so far)

Hawke was not unobservant.

Stardust in her Hair (Josie/Lavellan, 1,995 Words so far)

Josie had never really been much of a teacher.

When to Walk Away (post-Act 2 Fenris/Hawke, 1694 Words)

Hawke had finished fixing her clothes and hair before she stepped out of the Rose.

These Last Strands (Fenris/Hawke, 2,992 Words)

“Hawke will come for me.”

Signifying Nothing (no pairings/ Hawke & trauma, 3,544 Words)

“What does it say?” Hawke asked.

Contrivances (Zevran/Tabris, 2,252 Words)

Something had been weighing on Arianwen’s mind for hours.

Leave With the Tide (Zevran/Tabris, 698 Words)

Arianwen didn’t understand what Zevran was saying to her at first.

Analysis:

So choosing a very concrete and short sentence to start is definitely intentional. As a reader, I like to have at least one basic detail about what's going on before I dive into a story. If I have to wade through a lot of commas and clauses to figure out what's going on, I tend to check out a little bit.

I also like to state who is the POV character close to the beginning, which is why a lot of them tend to have at least one name in them. I think it takes out some of the confusion jumping into a story (and w/third person, since anyone at all could be talking, including an unseen narrator, I like to anchor the text to one person to start if I'm not describing a big, chaotic scene).

Beyond that, I like to try to reflect the mood and/or tension in the story with the first line.

YFFM's is long and sort of dreamy because I wanted it to mirror Elowen's sense of detachment from what's happening.

The short, hard start for Katabasis is like that because Salshira finding out that she's dying is like this giant, immovable rock dropped into the stream of her life. It's not something she can get around. It's a slap in the face. I wanted to mimic that in the flow of the text.

I also like to establish contradictions and circle back around at the end of a fic, so sometimes (Josie had never really been much of a teacher) the first line is directly contradicted within the next few lines or paragraphs (Josie was…for once, she was glad to have been wrong). Idk, I just like people lying to themselves. I like making it clear to the reader that their self-perception is a lie, an obfuscation, or an act of self-deception. Or---in this case, it's a way to exhibit that anxiety does not always play out the way you feared.

I also went through and looked at the last few fics I posted on tumblr, but I chose not to add those here because most of them were from the micro-fic prompts. Unlike the other things I write, I tend to pack as much information as possible into each sentence of those prompts, so I didn't think they were as indicative of how I write. Since sentences are at a premium, they just don't wind up flowing as well as other things I've written.

[anthropologicalhands]

twenty questions for fic writers

tagged by @redbelles !

1. how many works do you have on ao3? 112

2. what’s your total ao3 word count? 497,546

3. what fandoms do you write for? currently, I’m still eyeballs deep in black panther (mcu). I’ll write for whatever catches my interest, but previous fandoms include naruto, yuyu hakusho, thor (mcu), mass effect, and crazy ex girlfriend

4. top five fics by kudos

vigil of the loved tales of the storyteller bring back the baby shoes sleeping arrangements pft, tradition <- biggest shocker honestly

5. do you respond to comments? i’m making more of an effort these days! I might respond late, but i do try to respond because it’s a nice way to talk more about characters and stuff with people.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably a frozen pond alight with torches. It’s a hina fic, by nature of canon it’s doomed. I tend not to write straight angst though. Or maybe i stay up all night in your memories, where priya has to let go both of ajay and, worse, of seema so they can all move on.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? by far don’t need no ammunition, aka the sif goes to midgard au. loki doesn’t fall into madness, thor and jane get to stay in contact, and sif gets a shiny sword that cuts through dimensions. everyone wins! it’s so self indulgent, but i do find it endearing.

8. do you get hate on fics?

almost never, but the only time i remember getting hate is on make me an offer i won’t refuse, where some commenter took issue with how i wrote kay and her and michael’s relationship. they clearly hated kay as a character but still read a whole fic about her, so i wasn’t even angry, i was just completely bemused by it. 

9. do you write smut?

…i do. i have a very limited comfort zone, but honestly i want to write more and get better at it!

10. craziest crossover:

I don’t really do crossovers, except for the ceg fic that ended up featuring jean ralphio from parks and recreation. that was super fun, but i think it’s too tonally consistent to count as crazy. I’m more likely to write fusion fic than crossovers

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as in someone else tried to take credit for it — i have had my fics uploaded onto other websites w/o my permission though

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! In the Naruto fandom, someone translated one of my fics into Vietnamese. that was pretty cool, but i think i lost the link.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

just for fun! And there was one sasusaku/uchiha family round robin fic i was fortunate enough to participate in. 

14. all time favorite ship?

nah, can’t do it

15. what’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

rip telepathy au. I had so much written but i couldn’t figure out a couple key parts and then i lost steam for writing ceg fic. I’ll never say never, but i think that one is gone.

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think emotions, how characters relate to each other, moments of high intensity and catharsis

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Setting! i hate it, because i loooooove a good vivid setting, but i have such a hard time visualizing places! Especially new places!

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

probably only a good idea if you are fluent. I have used honorifics in anime fics, but i worry that i apply it too inconsistently and not as thoughtfully as i should have, so these days i try to move away from it.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

unpublished, probably teen titans or sailor moon. published, naruto

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

I think understand the edge of this desire is one of my favorite things I’ve written, just because i think i got the voice and the mood right, and it took a long of agonizing over both.

tagging anyone who wants to do this meme!

[fourteenfifteen]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let's spread the self-love 💞

tagged by @thehallstara and @leonstamatis thanks friends : )

five favorite is so tough. so tough! but i’m not going to overthink it here’s a gut check answer

direct membrane interface (fatt: palisade)

YAYYYY BLOOD i love writing gross bloody stuff and had a lot of fun w this fic. i have some agonies over being mostly a short fiction writer and also i know gross shit isn’t everyone’s cup of tea so the positive response to this and my other little cori fics has been really nice and appreciated lol they are so me on my bullshit

business is business (original work)

favorite is a bit of a strong word but i was thinking abt this one and think it was extremely slept on. i love writing original fiction and had a great time w this which is a monsterfucking story i did for an exchange. and it was fun ok. major win for self-indulgence and gross shit

avoiding it (the hunger games)

a gale/madge fic about them both having feelings for katniss. both a labor of love and an idea that i had and went SURELY someone has written that already (and then was so surprised when i couldn’t find it). this is the most kudosed fic on my ao3 and obv that is 99% just bc of the fandom but i can’t be mad abt it, i love how it turned out

you will not go to heaven, you’ll go to kansas city (blaseball)

ach i love this one. truly took over my life for a week and a half (as shown by it having been written in that amt of time i’m not very fast or verbose lol). i published other blb fics after this but in my heart it’s my goodbye to blaseball - the weird scary messiness of it, the strange shape of characters’ stories, and all the strange things it inspired me to write. i feel like i need to send the band old ‘97s a christmas card as thanks for the inspiration

black hole oral history project (blaseball)

not just a me fave but a fan fave too lol. the things worth saying abt this fic are that i agonized over it for literally two and a half weeks and that it came out exactly how i wanted it to.

sure that works as a list. ty for the tags stara and tb! i will be tagging uhhh @rozecrest @swallowtailed @littleladymab and anyone else who wants to ik everyone says that and that it feels embarrassing to capitalize on but fr do it and use me as your excuse