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#i don't care if it's unrealistic it was fun to make
toastsnaffler · 2 months
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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍
#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around#pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable#my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters#no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time#gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt#but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years#and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again#but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and#others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard#it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl#bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either#and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for#but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own#bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me#but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form#and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind#and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will#and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing#and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense#its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out#and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up#and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain#its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit#and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after#or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life#i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever#and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it#and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel#thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable
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izzy-b-hands · 2 months
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Didn't think the 1989 version of The Woman In Black would be scarier than the one with Dan Radcliffe in it
I was Wrong flkjdsafkldsja, but I'm delighted to have been wrong. I had missed getting scared with more practical effects/careful timing of things in the background of shots appearing and disappearing, and this one scratches that itch well.
#text post#also fun seeing how differently they interpreted the characters and how they act#personally i'm realising that the Dan version was sort of. Americanised? Which is probably something I should have realised at first watch#but it only hits now when it's like. how to explain#the casts of both versions are both amazing let's preface with that#but. the Dan version felt very Cinematic. I got scared but was also very aware I was watching An Movie during it#(it got colour-graded quite blue which isn't necessarily a bad thing but it does register in my head as Peak Cinematic for the current time#the version of the characters in this 89 version feel slightly more real? accurate to the culture they come from?#like. there's an American Openness between the ones in the Dan version#they're too open to share and hand out compliments and comments like candy they have too much of#everyone is Nice in a way that feels mildly unrealistic#and when they are mad at each other there's tension but a tension#that to me at least you don't worry abt much bc it just feels almost Already Resolved#and it does sort of just drop off and wind up that way tbh#tho I admit it's been a bit since I read the original story so my apologies if I'm misremembering that it did the same in the book#but I could swear there was more that bit of tension there#anyway it isn't that the 89 characters are all mean but they feel Actually British for lack of better words#they have moments of kindness and do have a general sense of like. yeah they care for their community but also they're getting on w/themsel#and their business and not lingering on the interactions#They're kind but not nice and they just. get on with things which is very nice#and feels more in line with the time period to me/what I expect out of a story like this#anyway speaking of Dan found out the guy playing Arthur in this also played the dad in the gross wizard franchise#which wasn't something I expected to see lol#this is my long barely an essay no one asked for and your sign to go watch the 89 version asap#it's on YT for free which is where I'm watching it so genuinely if anyone want link. I have link fjkdlsfjadlsa#I have so many more thoughts comparing and contrasting Dan to 89 but there are so many tags i'm making myself stop lmao
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ashtcnirwin · 2 years
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🌻
#i don't think i ever properly considered how much i'd be battling my own perceptions of realism when i decided to go canon verse ot4 for#the fic fest#cos i've definitely bitten off more than i can chew here BUT had it not been for my deeply ingrained need to make it all make sense#it wouldn't have been QUITE as formidably a horrifying task to tackle as it currently is#cos i really am struggling soooooo much with the knowledge that a non-platonic ot4 relationship is...more unlikely than winning the lottery#the odds are fucking astronomical. beyond astronomical actually#the thought that all four of them would grow up to not only be into men but to be into each other AND cool with polygamy is like....#obvs i know that's not the case irl but i'm struggling to get past the inherently unrealistic nature of it all even in an#alternate dimension#i struggle enough with it when writing a ''regular'' canon verse fic aka one where there are only TWO ppl involved in the main pairing#and here all FOUR OF THEM are involved????#and fuck i knowwwww no one cares#no one who clicks on an ot4 fic is expecting to find something that actually makes 100% sense#hell EYE don't give a fuck about that when i read ot4? i suspend disbelief and have a good time?#and i'm assuming that's what everyone else does too#and don't get me wrong. i looooove writing this fic. it's so much fun. but a big part of the reason why it feels like such a daunting#task to tackle is that i'm desperately trying to make it all make sense. so i keep adding in scenes that delve into the thought processes#of the characters. be it through internal monologues or dialogue exchanges#and so it feels like i'm NEVER gonna be able to finish the story cos. it won't make any sense no matter what?#i could write 200k of this verse and i don't think it'd make any difference to my internal battles#i could keep adding scene after scene after scene attempting to make it seem realistic but. it wouldn't seem realistic anyway#so i'm just like....c'mon anna. let it go. no one's gonna give a fuck as long as the fic is overall decently written#HNGGGGGGG#writing is fucking hard y'all
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gh0stbunnn · 2 months
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I need more humans are space orcs stuff where humans aren't an immortal species who can never die ever, because that's
boring
2. unrealistic
Not every human is going to survive crash landings, or losing a limb without medical care, or get impaled (people die in hospitals WITH people who know what they're doing, they're most likely not going to survive with someone who doesn't know what they're doing), or getting bombed??? Do you just expect to survive getting bombs????
Also! People CAN be disabled and need medical aids/have mental illnesses that make them need a caregiver of some sort (I don't like how people just conveniently forget about people with disabilities unless it makes them “cool”)
Humans also will not mindlessly kill things, even if they know that it's “just” an animal (people will cry about having to kill an animal that was attacking them) in fact most people don't want to kill anything unless they have to. Do some of you just not want humans to have empathy?
Also, stop acting like aliens would be the exact same person with the same personality, or acting like only humans can be disabled??? That's so weird and (I'm not disabled, so take this with a grain of salt) the way some of you act like disabled people are wrong for being disabled would make me so sad if I was reading it while disabled.
Example-
A couple years ago, I read someone have an alien think that a disabled human shouldn't have survived being disabled from birth?? and it was not corrected to have some sort of message of “hey! That's actually Really fucked up!” it was just a post talking about how humans are weird, how it's a miracle that we survived long enough to leave earth. It feels insulting and rude and I hate it. Stop.
Instead, maybe have a disabled alien bonding with a disabled human, that's cool, cute, fun, and not fucking ablest!
I was going to write more, but I'm too pissed off right now
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thepixelelf · 1 year
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Oh Baby, You - svt smau
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The birth of your son three years ago was what caused your breakup with Wonwoo, your longtime (and at that point, long distance) partner. Now, you're getting concerned that Orion is starting to look a lot like his dad, but that's not your only problem. Wonwoo is back… and he's living across the hall.
Genres: smau, romance, drama, comedy, angst, single parent au
Pairing: jeon wonwoo x afab they/she reader x mystery member(s)
Warnings: coarse language, conversations about sex, mentions of pregnancy, mama/mom/mother is used to refer to reader's parental status sometimes, infidelity, light alcoholism, miscommunication as a plot device, some of the teenies are not so nice at times, slut shaming, angst, everything is unrealistically dramatic because this is basically a kdrama in text/twitter form. warnings may be updated as they come, but I will label chapters properly if it's anything major
Note: unfortunately, I did have to make the mc for this series have female reproductive organs because, well... that's the plot. I couldn't find a good way around it :( if anyone reading this is discouraged, please know that pretty much every other fic I've ever posted is gender neutral. So, if you think you might've liked this smau, please check out my masterlist! hopefully there will be something you like there :) ALSO! if anyone makes fun of Orion's name just know that it's the name of a precious baby cousin of mine and if you bully smau Orion you are bullying irl Orion!! do not touch him!!!
(new!) Updates will post when I have the time and motivation
The taglist is full! Leave a comment under the post linked here if you're not on the main taglist to be notified when Oh Baby, You is completed.
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Profiles I: Orion's Prettyboy(gn) Posse
Profiles II: Wonwoo's Famous Friend and the Other Guys
Profiles III: Gyu and the Rise of Capitalism
1. Everybody Loves Vernon
2. Tens Among Tens
3. Grown Ass Men
4. I Hate This FUcking Family
5. The Ones Keeping Secrets
6. A LITTLE Curious
7. You Go Girl Get His Ass
8. The Calm
9. The Storm
10. It's Been a While
11. Fucked Up Coincidences
12. Not... a BAD Guy
13. Still So Affected
14. Just My Type
15. Nothing to Hide
16. Fists Up
17. Act Natural
18. Girl, They Blocked You
19. Plot Relevance
20. Actually it is a Date
21. It's All Pretty Confusing
22. Scripted
23. All it Takes is a Smile
24. Yoon Jeonghan is Watching
25. Completely Surrounded
26. No Such Thing
27. What Does That Mean
28. A Name I've Heard Recently
29. Can't Risk It
30. Errand Day
31. One Day at a Time
32. Confrontation
33. Not Looking to be a Parent Any Time Soon
34. What if I
35. For This Little Guy
36. Get Blocked
37. I'll Take Care of You
38. Messed Up, Stupid, and Jaded
39. You Fucked Up
40. That's For You to Figure Out
41. Need to Try Something
42. Recovery Mission?
43. Your Everything
44. You're Cute When You're Like This
45. Not Sponsored
46. This is Nothing
47. Promise? Promise
48. Hhrk
49. A Busy Afternoon
50. Cherry
51. Don't Freak Out
chapters loading...
52. Bad Guys
53. Everything is Fine
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OBY Ask the Characters Game
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billthedrake · 2 months
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FAMILY BUSINESS (PART TWO)
The Mazza men chalked it up to the new project that was having them work late, pretty much every night. Mazza and Sons had won the bid for a community center building and had been aggressive in the timeline they could offer. It was part of the son's Anthony's plan to get into higher-budget, higher-profit contract work.
But this was the third night in a row when the father and son looked at each other around 7PM, silently reading the other's expression, trying to feel each other out.
"Feel like Chinese take out, Dad? Or maybe pizza?" Tony asked, looking away from the email he was trying to work through. He did his Crossfit classes in the morning and liked to start the workday with a relatively clean slate, even if it meant putting in extra hours in the evening.
Frank's heart beat a little faster as he took in his son's handsome features. Some fathers were just super devoted to their sons, he reckoned, but with Frank, that love of Anthony took on a perverted spin. He low-key resented his hunky son for getting them started on this little game they were playing, and he loved the kid for it, too.
Maybe Frank would take the initiative tonight. "Why don't we get that other kind of take out first, Tone?" he said with a naughty grin.
That brought out a matching one in Tony. That Mazza smile. "Yeah? I could go for that for sure," he said, leaning back in his chair. He was dressed in professional-casual "contractor" attire of a gray polo and khakis, but even those showed off his muscular, youthful build. "Who ya thinking, Pop?"
Frank knew, but didn't want to seem too eager. It had been a month since Tony showed him the fun of the no-string blowjob from men on the app. In that time they'd shared that experience, generally with the same cocksucker, Ian. They tried out another one but it hadn't felt the same, in part because the Mazza men were nervous about being sussed out as father and son. Ian knew and not only didn't care, but actually encouraged the clear erotic tension between Frank and Tony.
"Ian," the father now said. "He's really fucking good at it."
Anthony smiled. He'd been hoping for that answer. "The best."
Tony messaged Ian. Frank had the guy's cell number and used it frequently on his own, to suck the guy off, but his son didn't know that.
"He'll be here in 15," Tony said proudly as he set down his phone. With a glint in his brown eyes, he looked over at his dad. "You've really gotten into this, Pop."
Frank blushed but gave a nonchalant shrug. "Leave it to my son to show me new tricks," he said. "Besides... I'm 44, not 84... I still got needs."
That made Tony smile. "I think you passed on that sex drive to me, Pop."
"Too much for Becky?" Frank asked. Before this would have been a sore subject, maybe.
His son nodded. "Too much for any chick," he replied.
"You'll find her, Anthony, you'll find the one. I know it."
"Thanks, Pop." He hissed. "Fuck, I'm boned."
This was a new openness too. The Mazzas had indulged guy talk before, sex talk. But now Tony was more open about his cock and his hardons.
His father looked over and tried to see without staring. He'd been thinking a lot of his son's dick. It was a forbidden thought, but the more he tried to suppress it the stronger the urge got. "Promise me something, Tone."
Anthony leaned back in his office chair. "Sure, Pop. What?"
That made Frank laugh a little. "I didn't even tell ya what."
Anthony flashed that killer smile. He certainly inherited a double share of the Mazza good looks. "Doesn't matter. You'd give me the shirt off your back. Figure I could do what you ask."
"Well, when you find your next girl, Tone... make sure she's gonna take care of you."
Antony grinned. "I take it you're talking about more than cooking and laundry."
"That, too," Frank said. "I know you want a traditional wife."
"Yep," the son said, his face getting more serious.
The father took that in. He felt like maybe he'd raised Tony with unrealistic expectations. His ex wife was a good mother, but maybe Tony put her on a pedestal. Frank didn't want to bad mouth her, but he wanted to make sure his son found a woman who'd be more supportive of him than Cathy had been.
Frank was gonna reply, but Tony's phone buzzed with a text. The grin on the son's face was adorable as he looked back up. "He's here. Fuck... I'm horny." He got up and walked over to the door to greet Ian.
Frank felt a flash of embarrassment when Ian walked in. The guy was good looking, not Anthony Mazza good looking. But Frank had hooked up with the gym-built man a few times on his own. He felt bad sneaking around like this, but maybe it wasn't Tony's business if his old man was enjoying his chance at sucking cock.
Ian for his part seemed to relish the naughty secret. Hooking up with both father and son. He had that impish smile now as he walked in ahead of Tony, who was shutting the office door behind them. "Hey Frank," he greeted.
"Hey," Frank said gruffly, more gruffly than he intended. But he was nervous.
Tony's eagerness put him at ease though. Already, he was walking in around Ian and pawing at his khakis. "OK if I go first Pop? I'm so fucking horny."
"Yeah," the dad replied. He hoped the croak in his throat wouldn't betray him. "I can..." he started.
Already Tony was unzipping and hauling out that thick Mazza dick. "You don't gotta. It's not gonna take me long today."
Goddamn, that cock was beautiful. His son's cock, so much like Frank's and yet thicker, more manly somehow. The masculine power of it just made his son's youthful cute handsomeness that more jarring. It was like Frank was fully reconciling two parts of his son's personality. All while he tried to figure out where to look without seeming like THAT much of a perv.
Ian had no hesitation about worshipping the younger Mazza dick. He crouched down and ran his hands up and down Tony's hairy, build thighs. The cocksucker's face was nuzzling against Anthony's balls a second before licking up the shaft.
"Aw yeah, bud... just fucking right," Anthony gasped before Ian took that thick boner into his talented mouth.
Frank could see the tension build and release. Tony wasn't cumming, not yet, but he was relaxing into the blowjob. Instinctively Frank knew how much his son had craved this. It was almost as hot to watch the facial reaction on Anthony's face as it was to see that hard cock being serviced.
His son's eyes lifted up from Ian to meet his Dad's. Not pervy, not ashamed, not accusatory. The gaze was just direct and honest. "He's an incredible cockscucker, right, Pop."
Frank nodded dumbly, which somehow made Tony's smile break out. Fuck, that smile.
With a leer, Anthony looked back down at Ian. "I'm getting close man... you ready, buddy?" he hissed. With a commanding gesture he put his hand on top of Ian's head, which just encouraged the cocksucker to really go for it. Ian's face turned redder as he doubled his efforts. Tony's dick was thick and not easy to take like that, Frank guessed.
Tony's face was getting redder itself as he reached orgasm. "FUCK!" he gasped. Frank had never been so excited in his life as now, watching Anthony cum. It was sexy and beautiful. He felt proud for his boy, and glad for him.
"Damn," Anthony finally hissed as he pulled back. That hardon was doubly attractive slickened with spit and leftover cum. He looked back up at Frank. "Your turn, Pop."
Ian was grinning. And Frank knew why. With Ian, when it was just the two of them, Frank was the cocksucker. But Ian wasn't gonna let on. He sat back on his haunches and watched the father step up and pull out his own erection. Not quite as impressive as Tony's dick, but closer.
It was only as Ian's started going down on him that Frank realized the gay dude was extra worked up to be doing father and son like this. Together, one after the other. That knowledge was hitting Frank, too, deeply. "Fuck!" he gasped, the mouth strokes just adding to the pervy thrill.
Tony meanwhile was acting normal. Or as normal as a dude could be sharing a cocksucker with his father. He'd tucked back in and had walked over to rehydrate with a big slug from a water bottle. His dad's outburst made him turn back around to the action.
"He gonna milk you off quick, too, Pop?" he laughed.
Frank nodded. Ian was great. Greater than great at this. But it was Tone's presence that was gonna get him to the finish line, fast. His hot stud of a son looking on, like they were two fraternity brothers gangbanging some chick together.
Frank Mazza's vision went blurry and white and a burst of wild pleasure jolted through is body. His Anthony was watching him cum. Surprisingly that was as incredible as witnessing his own son's orgasm.
Frank breathed heavy as Ian lapped up the dribbles, his own hand jerking wildly. Frank's paw reached down to creadle Ian's head. Not possessively like Anthony's grip, more encouraging. He had to thank this this gay dude for bringing him and his son together like this.
Ian was on cloud nine, even after he came and cleaned up. "It was a pleasure, fellas. Hit me up anytime," he said. Frank could see the perv had a major bucket list to add to his experiences, and now that the father was in his post-nut clarity he resented that a little.
Anthony was back to his normal bro mode, backslapping Ian as he showed him out. When he strutted back he pulled out his phone. "I may meet my buddies to watch the game, Pop," he said. "See ya tomorrow?"
Frank looked for reproach in his son's face. Or guilt or something. But it was just the look of a young man who'd gotten his rocks off and now was ready to hang out with his friends.
"Sure, Tone. See ya tomorrow."
***
It took two more joint BJ sesions before Frank got the courage. It was Thursday night, guy time at Frank's house, the unofficial start the weekend night for father and son.
Frank didn't have a big cooking repertoire, but he made a mean sunday Italian gravy. Tonight, he did a quicker meal of pasta and meatballs.
"Better than Ma's, Pop," Anthony exclaimed as he pushed his finished plate forward.
"Must have been hungry, Tone," Frank grinned, eating up the compliment.
"You bet. On a bulking cycle at the gym," the son exclaimed.
"You trying to get bigger son?" the father asked with some surprise. Anthony just seemed perfect to him already.
Anthony grinned. "You know how it is. The chicks like 'em big and strong."
Frank felt his crotch grow tight.
"What about you Pop? You're looking pretty fit these days."
Forget muscles, Frank thought, those puppy dog brown eyes and Mazza smile were gonna be what made a woman put out.
"Just do enough to keep it up, ya know," Frank replied. "Nothing like you, Tone."
"You do all right, Pop," Anthony grinned. "So... you getting out on the market again?"
Frank blushed. He didn't know how to be honest with Anthony, or with himself for that matter. "Nah, not yet," he replied. "Guess I'm not ready for that..." Frank blushed as he realized how fucking stupid he sounded. "I mean, sex is one thing Tone, but women my age, divorcees, they take some work."
Anthony smiled. "I get it Pop. After Mom, you don't want another princess."
Frank gave a shrug, in a wasn't-gonna-say it kind of way.
His son laughed. "At least Ian is a good consolation prize, right? He tells me you've been hitting him up a lot."
"Yeah?" Frank gulped. God if that guy told Tony that Frank sucked dick, well, Frank didn't know if he'd be more angry or mortified.
"You don't need to be embarrassed, Pop. I'm the one who urged you to try out guys. Didn't think you'd take to it like you have, but it's cool."
"Ian gonna spoil you, son?" Frank had to ask.
Anthony answered in a way that made it seemed like he'd been asking himself the same thing. "It's certainly nice to have someone very willing and able, ya know? Ian's not the only cocksucker I have in my contacts, but he's the best."
Frank's crotch was beyond tight. The man was full on boned. "You deserve to have your needs taken care of, son," Frank said. Then immediately regretted it.
Thankfully, his son didn't seem fazed, more amused. "Yeah? Well, you too, Pop." He got that telltale smirk. "I was gonna take a night off but what do you say we hit Ian up again?"
Frank nodded, not speaking in case he gave away how eager he was. He watched as Anthony pulled out his phone and sent a few texts.
He finally put it down. "It's wild you're so open minded, Pop," he said. "Kind of cool."
Damn, that Mazza smile was gonna get Frank in trouble. At least they add Ian as the focus and excuse for Frank's pervy state.
Frank actually felt bad at how much they were taking Ian for granted, but when he showed up at the house, he had a very eager grin. Frank was the one to answer the door, and something about the gay dude's excited smile made the 44-year old more relaxed. "Good to see ya, bud," he said patting Ian on the shoulder as he showed him in.
"Man," Ian replied in a whisper. "I'm not gonna turn down a chance with you guys. Ever."
Frank gulped. But he was getting turned on by the incestuous tension of the scenario. He'd given Tony his space once, then the next time he'd watched against as Ian sucked his stud of a son off. "Yeah."
Ian leaned in. "You should go for it today," he said.
Frank knew what he meant. "I dunno."
"I'll set it up. I'll be fucking hot."
Ian maybe meant hot to watch but it would be hot to do. He just didn't want to cross that line. Or he did, and didn't know how the fuck he could do it. This was his Tone they were talking about.
"Hey bud," Anthony greeted as they walked into the living area. "Dad and I were having a beer... can I get you one, or you want to get right to business?" he laughed. God, it was crazy how easygoing Anthony could be about sex.
"A beer sounds good, thanks," Ian said, a twinkle in his eyes.
Frank was surprised, but he watched as as Ian sat next to Frank on the sofa. "This is gonna work, trust me," Ian said.
Frank wasn't so sure. But it was almost like normal, sitting and having a beer with his son and their mutual cocksucker. Frank felt a little bad he didn't know shit about Ian, not really. But Tony kept up a lot of the conversation. Hell, they were talking about the Yankees season for christsake.
Finally Anthony gripped his crotch and stood up. He was still wearing his polo and khakis from the work day but somehow with his youth he made the unofficial uniform seem like it was made to show off his body. "All right, I'm pretty horny," the 24-year-old said with a goody grin. "You ready to take care of me, buddy?" he asked Ian as the young stud walked over to the couch and began undoing his belt.
Frank gulped. He was sitting right there with a front row seat. Watching just two feet away as the gay dude helped his own son pulled out that big thick dong. Ian ran his fingers up that hard length, watching it get harder. And watching Frank see his own son's erection in process.
"Nice," Ian hissed then leaned forward to start sucking Anthony's cock.
It was just beautiful, Frank thought. Ian was very skilled and now very comfortable with Tone's big meat. But his Anthony was what made him horny beyond belief. Seeing his son in full sexual hardness, being taken care of, a total stud. He looked up at Tony's face and expected awkwardness. But his son was mostly looking down, watching Ian work toward some deep throat action, before he turned to look at his dad.
"You got the best seat in the house, Pop," he chuckled. But there was something behind the joke, behind the playful grin.
Frank felt it. Maybe that's what gave him the courage once Ian pulled off, lapping at the tip teasingly. That Mazza dong was veiny and spit-wet.
"Wanna closer view?" Ian asked quietly. For Frank's benefit, though of course Tony could hear it too.
Frank's face burned hot. He didn't have the courage to look back up at Tone, he just kept his eyes focused on his son's throbbing cock and scooted in.
Ian's eyes were on Frank now, in a challenging way, as he opened up and swallowed Anthony again. All the way down, slowly, then all the way off. Then again. Showing off for Frank. "Your son has an amazing cock."
"Yeah, he does," Frank admitted. It was wrong and pervy to say, but it was the truth. Quickly, his eyes darted up to meet Anthony's. But instead of disapproval he saw a simmering, quiet lust in those puppy dog brown eyes.
"It's OK, Pop," came Tone's words, soft and deep. "If you want."
Frank thought judgment day would come and that hell would open up beneath him. It didn't though. Not even as he leaned in and pressed his nose against Anthony's prick.
"Fuck," Ian gasped quietly, his hand holding the base of Anthony's meat still but otherwise pulling back to watch.
The first contact of Frank's tongue to his son's dick gave his whole body and electical jolt. Then again. And again. Frank started lapping Anthony's thick prick and working his way up. His son wasn't stopping him.
When he opened his mouth and felt that Mazza cock press in between his lips, the father was in heaven. He was so glad he'd practiced on Ian and even now was doing his best to copy the cocksucker's technique. Lots of spit, then some suction, up and down, not too hard, undulating a little. Milking his own son's prick with his warm wet mouth.
"Good god, Pop...." Tony hissed. "You're fucking good at this."
Ian was now kissing along Tony's balls while Frank blew him. Then licking along Frank's neck and ear. The guy was thrilled to be witness to an honest to god incest blowjob.
Particularly as Anthony got close. "Just a little more, Pop... a little slower actually... yeah, that's it... fuck, that's gonna get me right there... right fucking there... aw yeah... you ready to make me cum, Dad... gonna suck my cum out... fuck yeah... here it comes, Pop. Oh fuck oh fuck oh FUUUCKK!"
Frank prepared for the worst, but it turned out to be the best. The sensation of having his mouth and gullet flooded with his son's cum, that Mazza seed, briny and thick, a million of his grandkids being force fed to him as Tony got a little wild with some mid-ejaculation thrusts that knocked his cock head an extra inch down Frank Mazza's throat. Frank coughed a little but adjusted just as suddenly.
Ian couldn't take any more. He stood up. Frank had no idea when the guy had pulled out his own dick. Anthony didn't know either for that matter. The 30-something dude flogged wildly to get to the finish line, aiming his prick toward the constractor's face.
The first shot his Frank's cheek just as he was finally pulling off Tony's dick. The second one caught him in the eye as he turned toward Ian. Instinct took over and Frank latched his mouth on that spurting dick, catching at least half of Ian's load.
Frank regretted it. It was hot and all but he wished nothing was pushing the taste of Tone's cum off his tongue now. Still, he swallowed then leaned back, embarrassed.
"Whoa," Anthony said, sighing as he tucked back in. "That was fucking hot."
"Yeah," Frank admitted. He was rock hard in his jeans but the emotional side of what had just happened was hitting him hard and fast. "It was."
His son actually gave his dad a sly wink and looked at Ian cautiously before turning back to Frank. "I actually should get going, Pop. Got an early workout tomorrow."
"Yeah," Frank said, trying to act nonchalant. He wished he could be like Tone. Get his rocks off and split. He stood up.
"You don't gotta walk me out, Pop, I know the way," Anthony said with a laugh. "Besides I think Ian needs to take care of you, right?"
Ian smirked. He knew or least thought he picked up on Anthony's drift. The Mazza kid was a little freaked out his dad was a cocksucker too. Still, Ian wasn't going to pass up the chance for the dad's load. "Sure," he said.
Frank and Ian had barely heard the front door close when Ian was in servicing position for Frank Mazza, pulling out that dad cock and bobbing up and down. It took ten whole seconds to get Frank to cum, hard.
"Thank you," Frank said as he helped Ian to his feet.
"I like sucking you man, you've got a nice dick," Ian replied.
"No, I mean about earlier," Frank clarified.
Ian gave a smile. "Dude, that was a total bucket list thing... dont' worry, I'm not gonna tell a soul. But that was incredible."
The man's assurance helped calm Frank's apprehension. Somewhat. He showed Ian to the door and said he'd reach out again sometime.
****
Anthony either skipped his workout or finished early. Frank had just finished his breakfast when the doorbell rang.
"Tone," he said when he opened the door. His son was already dressed for work, hair freshly showered and gelled.
"Pop. Ok if I come in?"
Frank nodded. He'd barely slept the last night. Thinking over everything. Worrying about everything. "Yeah, come in," he said.
He sat down and expected Tony to, but instead his son stood and said simply. "I don't want you sucking Ian's dick from now on, Pop. His or anyone else's."
Frank blushed deep red and nodded. "I'm sorry Tone, I...."
Anthony cut him short. "Don't apologize, Dad. I'm just telling you how it is, OK?"
Frank didn't quite follow but he just looked up at his son, feeling more emotionally vulnerable than he'd ever felt. God if he fucked him the relationship had with his Tone, he'd never deal with that.
Time seemed to stop as Anthony undid his khakis and unzipped. "I want you only taking care of me, Pop."
Frank gulped. That big Mazza dong plopped out. Not fully hard but getting there.
"Got it?" Tony asked. With authority but a lot of love.
Frank looked up, misty eyed. Turned on. Something clicked for the middle aged divorced father. This felt right. "Got it, son."
With that, he leaned in and started going down on his Tony.
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8hsaturn · 2 months
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Hii! What do u think are the synastry placements that cause love at first sight, attraction and obsession?❤️‍🔥
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Hi there!
Placements/Aspects that indicate Love at First Sight:
Venus-Mars conjunction or sextile (occasionally opposite, but you will need other harmonious aspects to balance it out): instant attraction. both people complement each other's energy very well. The sort of dynamic where you don't feel like you need to do much to win the other person over.
Ascendant-Venus conjunction or opposite, and occasionally square, but that tends to be more admiration or secret crush: ascendant person is Venus person's type, or just someone they see themselves with very easily. ascendant person embodies a lot of traits that Venus person likes, making them enticing for venus person.
Sun-Moon conjunction or trine: This creates an instant feeling of comfort and familiarity. It's like meeting someone who just "gets" you right away. The Sun person's ego and the Moon person's emotions align beautifully, creating a sense of completeness.
Placements/Aspects that indicate Attraction :
Mars in the 1st/5th/8th house of partner's chart: Mars in the 1st house creates instant physical attraction. In the 5th, you'll want to play and flirt endlessly. Mars in the 8th, intense sexual magnetism simultaneously with a desire for a deep connection
Venus in the 7th/5th/8th of partner's chart: With venus in the 7th you see them as the ideal partner. 5th is joy and pleasure - you just want to have fun together. In the 8th, deep, transformative attraction happens - you feel like this person could change your life.
Moon Conjunct Venus: I like to call this the "marry me" aspect, but it has to be quite a tight orb to be as poignant (5 degrees or less), both people see the other with great affinity and have a natural gravitation towards each other. Very beautiful.
Placements/Aspects that indicate Obsession :
Pluto aspects to personal planets (especially Sun, Venus, and moon): These aspects can make you feel like the other person has the key to your soul, leading to obsessive thoughts and behaviors. It's transformative but requires careful handling to avoid losing yourself (ego = sun or emotions = moon), and self-esteem (venus) in the process.
Moon-Neptune (particularly squares or oppositions): You might idealize your partner to an unrealistic degree, seeing them through rose-colored glasses. It can create a dreamy, almost addictive emotional connection, but be careful - the idea you have in mind of your partner could be different from what they're like in reality.
Venus-Saturn/ Moon-Saturn (can indicate intense attachment) : Saturn brings a sense of duty and longevity to love (Venus) or emotions (Moon). You might feel a deep need to commit, even if it's not healthy. It can create a strong bond, but also fear of loss that leads to clingy behavior.
8th house synastry: When someone's planets fall in your 8th house (or vice versa), it creates a magnetic pull. You might feel like you can see into each other's souls. It's deeply intimate and can become obsessive if you're not careful.
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katz-chow · 1 year
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nsfw headcanons with the 141 + graves
warnings: nsfw 18+, gn!reader (amab & afab versions), past sexual trauma in ghost's part, bondage, edging, denial, teasing, dom & sub dynamics,
a/n: i really thought about this mostly because i don't like it when the fandom has like these takes that are i guess...expected from these men when they're literal soldiers...some are just takes that i deem unrealistic so here i'm trying to humanize them. hope y'all enjoy!
john price
6 in hard, cut, trimmed but is not really maintained as well as his beard, around med thick, a bit darker than his skin tone, curves up pretty straight i feel he's the type to like it really slow and gentle with you. like he takes his time, cigar in his mouth, and just his hand on you constantly. he loves to just relax after an action packed day, so having this as his peace of mind is something he'll really appreciate. he has the oldest, cheesiest playlist that he'll sometimes puts on whenever there'll be a day where he has a whole date planned. like this mf really thinks "rock your body" by justin timberlake something he can get down too. you make fun of him but he feels so good so it's ok. surprisingly has really good stamina for a 37 y/o dude. is very vanilla but he loves body worshipping. loves you like a divine being and to him you really are. he'll rather take you on the kitchen counter whenever you two are too impatient, maybe even on the bathroom vanity when you looks so cute after brushing your teeth that he just can't help it before he goes to work. would rather be on top of you, not really a dom & sub dynamic, just him taking over to make sure you're taken care of. a real good ol' fashion lover boy. after a long day at work and he just wants to relax, he'll just either ask you to blow him while he manspreads on the couch or he'll make you ride him on your bed. this man talks you through, never degrades you unless you ask for it. he'll prefers to baby you like the pillow princess you are...but he also expects the same when he's lazy he also loves it when you tug his hair when he goes down on you, grinding against his face or whatever. won't whine or whimper, but will pant like a dog in heat (he is) tits/chest kind of guy, loves to have his hands on your chest and squeeze them, so squishy! aftercare with him is like heaven because as soon as you two are finished, he immediately cleans you up and draws a bath for you both, or just you, to enjoy. good ol' fashion lover boy
simon "ghost" riley
6.5 in, uncut, doesn't really shave or trim, pink, warm undertones, i'd say pretty girthy, curves left so, so gentle with you. just like really soft with you, always making sure you're okay and that you're comfy the type to lay you down and just slowly press in, making sure your face is full of pleasure and not pain. because of his past experience, getting him to have sex in the first place took a long time, actually it was like year. so now that he's comfortable with you, he makes sure, for sure, that you're comfortable with him. consent is sexy. likes positions where he can sees your face, just to check up (and because he thinks you looks so angelic when you o) i feel like he wouldn't listen to any music while going at it, he doesn't want to be distracted from you. you love seeing his face too so its okay. incredibly hesitant and will not push your boundaries, also hard for him if you do end up doing something you haven't really talked about, even if it was accidental. his fav positions are anything that allows him to see your face and is easy for you to speak, that means no doggy, no pressing your face into the pillows etc etc. is not into bondage or tying you up, hates the fact that it feels like he's interrogating you and he hates the feeling of himself being tied up. always make sure you know what the safe word is, even if he's never going to push your boundaries or even go near it. once he finds a safe zone, he stays there unless you ask and he considers it (the safe word is pineapple) very vanilla and i feel like he wouldn't sub until there is a detailed talk beforehand and really, really trusts you. even then he still makes sure that you're in his view and you both know the safe word. once he does subs and lets you take full control, he's pretty vocal with you, talking to you, groaning and moaning, but he's still pretty quiet actually first time you introduced aftercare to him, he cried. he didn't know how loved he could feel while in the topic of sex, thought it was all hot and rough and not this soft. his favorite thing to do with you is to just wipe you both clean with a baby wipe from a packet you two keep in the nightstand. then he'll put on some clothes for you and him and just cuddle and kiss. he likes when you get him food afterwards when he subs someone please hug this man
kyle "gaz" garrick
7 in, cut, def trimmed, sometimes he'll even shave, darker than his skin tone, med thickness, doesn't curve but kinda rises straight up and hits his stomach, very cute he's 10000% down to do it any time whenever you two are at home. such a good balance between degradation and praise, only if you're okay with it. have you heard this man? he's a giggler, he'll giggle and tickle you and make funny jokes. one time, one of you farted (you two are still denying who it was to this day) and he couldn't stop laughing and mimicking the little toot sound i have a big feeling that he's into choking, but only you choking him. otherwise, he likes having his hand on your throat but not actually squeezing, just to keep you in place and for you to claw at speaking of your claws, he likes when you push him away and scratch at his forearms whenever he's overstimulating you. he just thinks it's so cute. definitely has a few playlists he shuffles through depending on the mood, one for a serious, hot and dirty mood and another for when you two are just chilling and being silly goofy, no kinky stuff. also into handcuffs, especially the fluffy ones. he thinks they just feel so soft and nice, a perfect balance between vanilla and kinky stuff. also because he feels like hes being pampered when he wears them attached to the headboard. lets out such cute and pretty moans no matter if he's domming or subbing. when he is subbing though, he lets out these really nice, low whines and pouts followed by a little giggle if it was silly your safeword is definitely something really funny and an inside joke that instantly ruins the mood (it's toots) he will actually ruin you if he's upset; def the type to have angry sex with you if two end up being really upset with each other. frustration sex? yes definitely. loves when you fuck him really rough, deny him, edge him, make him blabbering. he'll thank you afterwards too. if he's domming, he'll make sure you shower first and foremost, then orders take out and watch some stupid romcom. he loves romcoms (10 things i hate about you, will sing along with heath ledger) if he's subbing, depending on the intensity, he'll either just roll over after you wipe him down and immediately sleep as you pet his hair or he'll cling onto you and you two play minecraft together with him between your legs. 10/10 he's very adaptable
johnny "soap" mactavish
5.6 in, uncut, trimmed and maintained constantly, pretty pink but not much different from his skin tone, vvy girthy, leans a bit left but pretty straight this man is so damn funny. listen this mf has fell, cut himself, slipped, had a cramp, and hit his head too many times. he's so fucking clumsy but he's also so curious! but also...why does he want to have sex upside?!?! ughhhh!!! definitely a switch and definitely a power bottom...for a good 5 minutes. yes he will bite you and act like a brat whenever you dom him and mess with him, but as soon as you tie him up and edge him once, he's a goner definitely makes fun of you to see your flushed face, but also makes fun of himself. he uses his cock like a puppet and it has its own personality and voice. you laugh so hard and honestly that's better than hearing your moans. he loves your laugh makes his cock salute you before you two go down, it's so fucking funny. his "little buddy" jumping up when he calls attention and in parade rest. god it makes you laugh every time. his favorite position when he's subbing is cowgirl and reverse cowgirl. he's such an ass man, loves him some ass, will bite you like its actual cake. reverse cowgirl is reserved for when you're feeling mean though, because sometimes you just pull off of him to jerk him off and sit on his stomach. he has a nice view of your ass but can't see what you're about to do to him :( a big tease when he's domming, will have the most randomest patterns ever just to get you to whine and beg for him to go at certain pace. give him a few pouts and glossy tears and he'll do whatever you want, he's a big softie behind all the tease and bratiness. also a fan of doggy if you two are doing it quickly, he loves bending you over a surface and just going ham at it. good position for him to reach and jerk you off at the same time too. immediately cuddles as aftercare and not cleaning up right away, when he's subbing though, you def clean him up while he clings to you because he's so touchy feely but you want him to feel clean too, esp when he leaks so much (so much). when he's domming though, you two would just lay in bed (maybe even go for another round if you feel like it). gives you kisses and asks what you like and didn't like, a full debrief. plays mario kart afterwards with you and you let him win because you're tired. such a silly man
phillip graves
5.6 in, cut, not really trimmed or maintained, a pretty pink almost red tip, med girth, he curves UP like UP this man is a big tease, and super egotistical. he'll make you beg, whine, pout, and grind against him before he will even touch you. he likes cockwarning a lot while he's on a business call or doing paperwork. he's patient. makes you cum first, doesn't matter if he's domming or subbing, he wants you to use him like a toy for your own pleasure until you're satisfied enough that he'll even think about cumming. when he's domming, he loves to call you the nastiest things (if you allow him), absolutely ruins you and coats you with his cum. he's a southern gentlemen though and will make your mind go numb with pleasure, def a pleasure dom now that i'm using my noggin his fav positions are cowgirl, missionary, and doggy. lotus mostly so he can wrap his arms around you. makes you wear his cowboy hat when you ride him. and will use the hat rule in public to get you to suck him off in the car LOLOL i feel like he's big into gags, not really on you, but def on him. wants to be drooling and leaking all over himself while he whines and begs you to touch him, he's cute. likes being manhandled. grabbing his jaw, digging your nails into his back, biting him, even if he's on top, he'll enjoy it. he likes the scratch marks you give him and wears them like a trophy for his shadows to see. very vocal with you and loves to be a pillow princess when he bottoms. likes to be tied up with a vibe on his cock and edged and overstimulated will whimper and whine and moan and pout, like a little puppy. would probably grind up against your leg when he feels extra needy. aftercare with him is kinda shitty whenever he doms ngl. he'll make you something to eat and probably take you shopping afterwards. not a big cuddler but would hold you if you curl up into him. if he was subbing, he would probably take a nap after you pester him to take a shower. he'll just nap and finally wake up when he smells food that you get him for being so good lol saved by the grace of southerner charm
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marvelouslizzie · 2 years
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just let me make you feel better
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summary: after a long day of work, you finally come back home and rest. your period is making your day miserable but your boyfriend is here to help you.
pairing: bucky barnes x female reader 
word count: 3.2k
warnings: 18+ NSFW MINORS DNI, period comfort, established relationship, pet names, mentions of menstruation pain, a little bit of period stigma, comfort offering, sexual activity during the period, nipple play, clit play, fingering, after care, obviously blood, unrealistic portrayal of male partners, no mention of y/n.
a/n: I just wanted to write a Bucky Barnes offers to comfort you during your period story so here we are. Unfortunately, this kind of care is really rare so I’m sorry for fucking up your expectations about men. Most of them don’t even do the bare minimum. This concept would shock them but don’t settle for anything less.
Thank you @notafunkiller and @es1dit for beta-reading and helping me better this story. Love you both!
All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission. 
Every like, comment, and reblog is highly appreciated. Don’t hesitate to message me or send me a question regarding the stories I write. I would love to talk about it and no, it would never bother me.
Read more tag starts after the first paragraph of the story.
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God, you can’t wait for this day to be over. It’s not the worst day of your life, you know it, but still, the freaking pain just doesn’t want to go away. At least, not completely. It finds different ways to crawl back to you and keep you suffering.
You tried a lot of stuff, starting with good old painkillers. There’s no denying that the pill is helping you, but it’s just not good enough. Your back is hurting, joints are feeling sore and there’s still a headache on the back of your head that no matter how many painkillers you take, keeps lingering and torturing you. Like bleeding isn’t enough.
Yeah, being on your period and working at the same time is no fun. It’s not even bearable. Still, you make it through the day and come back just to drop on the couch. You really want to get rid of these clothes, take a hot shower and change into something comfortable, but you just don’t have the energy. Mentally, you are already doing all this stuff, imagining how good it would feel to stand under the hot water and just let it relax your muscles. Yet your legs don't want to move. You just lay on the couch like a bag of potatoes.
As you drift between sleep and being awake, you hear the keys jingling, signaling that your boyfriend is home. Is it weird that you can already smell him while he’s standing across the room? You have no idea but you can. It just feels like something…  familiar. You have no idea how it works, but it makes you feel safe even though he did nothing but step into the apartment.
“Darling?” Bucky calls out because he isn’t used to not being greeted by you when he comes home. Usually, you are either going toward him or yelling “Welcome home, baby” from wherever you are.
You can’t find the strength to call out so you groan a little while raising your hand. God, his expression changes so quickly. He walks towards you at a trot.
“Are you alright?”
“I am.” You are just exhausted, nothing out of the ordinary. Especially not at this time of the month.
“Are you sure? You don’t look alright.”
“It’s that time of the month again.” The worried expression on his face slowly fades away when he notices you are actually alright. It makes you wonder what he thought happened to you, but you don't ask him.
“Oh, darling…” His voice is so caring. Your period completely saps you of your energy and he knows it. He knows how you suffer or what you do to make yourself feel better. “Did you take a painkiller?”
“Yes.” Of course, you did. That was the first thing you thought of.
“When?”
You stop for a second to think. “In the morning and after lunch.”
“So you can take another one now, right?” 
That’s a good question. You can take another pill, but your stomach is already protesting at that thought. You should eat something before taking it, but you don’t feel like cooking. Even the thought is exhausting.
“But first you will need food.” God, is he reading your mind or what?
“I don’t feel like–” Before you can finish your sentence, he’s already standing up and making his way to the kitchen.
“I will prepare something for you.” When your words register, he turns around and looks at you. “You don’t wanna eat anything?”
“No, no. I was going to say I don’t feel like preparing anything.” 
“Oh, that’s fine.” He turns around. “Don’t worry. I will make your favorite.”
You have yet to learn what he means by that because you have many favorites. A meal, sandwich, snack, or dessert? You find out what he means when he comes back with your favorite sandwich, a glass of water, and the painkiller you use only during your period. You love him for paying enough attention to notice that.
“Eat while I draw a bath for you. Warm water should help.”
Why didn’t you think about filling the tub and just sitting there? The thought of laying there for a while sounds so much more appealing than a quick shower. It doesn’t take long for you to finish the whole sandwich and take the pill. Your stomach isn’t protesting anymore, and neither are your taste buds. Still, the pain and that discomfort are there, lingering and making you regret being born. Men don’t have to suffer like this and it’s so unfair! You hate mankind for that privilege. While you are lost in your thoughts, Bucky comes out of the bathroom and you notice: No, you don’t hate the whole of mankind. There’s one exception. You can’t hate Bucky when he’s the most thoughtful person you've ever met.
“The bathtub is ready for you. Did you finish your sandwich?” He kind of sounds like a teacher or a parent, checking if you did everything you were supposed to.
“Yep, all done.” You gesture to the plate. “Took the painkiller, too.”
“Good job, doll.” He comes closer without taking his eyes off of you. “Wanna head to the bathroom now?”
“Yes, but I need to take some clothes with me first.”
“Don’t worry, I will take care of it. Just get in there and relax, okay?”
You just nod with a small smile on your lips. When he takes care of you like this, you feel so lucky and so seen. You never asked him to do any of this stuff for you. Occasionally, you just said “I don’t feel like cooking” thinking you would order take out or you asked for a painkiller, but he registered all that information and started to do things without you asking. Seeing how he paid attention and cared about you just makes you feel valued.
You have no idea how long you have been laying in the bathtub. It was nearly perfect with the bubbles and the scent. You expected him to show up and tell you what to do next, but that did not happen. After a while, you decide to properly clean yourself and drain the bathtub. That’s when you notice he put your towels to warm on the radiator, which instantly makes you smile. You wrap your hair with one and dry your body with the other. Thinking you might bleed around, you quickly leave the bedroom to find your clothes. 
While you are thinking if you should go for a pad or a tampon, you find your missing boyfriend in your bedroom. Your clothes are already chosen and set aside, your favorite pajamas waiting for you.
“Hey. How are you feeling?”
“A little better. The painkiller started to work its magic.” You walk towards your clothes to put them on as quickly as possible, still thinking about the blood.
Bucky quickly gets in your way. “No need to rush.”
“No, no, I really need to rush.” He gives you a look that makes you think he's confused. “I don’t have a tampon on. I will bleed on the floor.”
“And?” His tone is so carefree, it confuses you.
“And we will have to clean it, Bucky.” You state the obvious.
“Then we will clean it.” He makes things sound so natural, so casual. Like it’s the most normal thing on earth, but you are conditioned to think that you shouldn’t bleed around, that you should take care of any mess you make.
“You don’t wanna see that.”
“Maybe I do.” His answer comes instantly, surprising you.
“Believe me, you don’t.” You make a move in the direction of your clothes, but Bucky doesn’t let you.
“Bucky!” 
“Darling, I have been fighting for god knows how long. Do you think your period blood would disturb me?” His question sounds so genuine, you stop to think for a second. He has a point, but not really. It's a different kind of blood.
“I mean it’s not the same, is it?” 
“Yeah, it’s not.” The confirmation you expect finally comes. “I’m used to seeing blood caused by violence, not by nature.”
Wait, what?
You don’t know how to react to this. Of course, it is natural, but it is also torture and it makes a mess every time. A huge mess. Usually, your exes were disturbed by the idea, keeping a respectful distance while you were on your period, but apparently not Bucky. His fingers were already grazing your skin carefully. He looks into your eyes, asking for permission silently.
“I really don’t feel like it, Bucky.” You hate saying no to him, but the pain is still there. You are sure it will make things uncomfortable.
“I’m just asking for permission to touch you, doll. I’m not asking for anything else.” He keeps confusing you tonight. 
“What do you mean?”
“Just let me make you feel better.” His answer is simple, but not enough for you to understand his meaning. What does he mean by that?
“I think having you there now isn’t a great idea, Buck. I’m in pain and a little bit too sensitive.” You try to explain as simply as possible.
“Darling… There are other ways to make you feel better, or did you forget about those? Maybe I should remind you, huh?” Gosh, the smug smile creeping up his lips… It sends shivers down your spine. “Just lay down.” He gestures to the bed.
“I will blee–”
“Shh…” He doesn’t let you finish. “Just be a good girl and stop thinking too much.”
For fuck's sake… A good girl? He definitely knows how to shut your brain up. You slowly sit down on the bed and notice a big towel under you. He already thought about everything, so you won’t have to worry. So you can just enjoy this. If that’s what he wants, you can do that. You can shut your mind for a short while and try to enjoy yourself. 
As he lies down next to you, he turns his entire body in your direction and props himself up on his elbow. His flesh fingers start to caress your skin very lightly, making their way to the towel you wrapped around your body. 
“It is time to…” His fingers work quickly to undo the towel. “...take this off.”
He sounds somehow impatient. Maybe just to see you naked or hear the sounds you make while he touches you all the ways he knows you love. His fingers move to your nipple, fingertips grazing over carefully. As he touches you so lightly, another wave of goosebumps washes over you. It's not normal for you to be this sensitive, but your nipples are already hard. Your lips tremble as he moves closer and gives one a long lick.
“God, damn it.” You mutter and he instantly looks up.
“Should I stop?” The way he asks the question shows how concerned and focused he is.
“No, no.” You take a deep breath. “Just be gentle. I’m just…”
“Sensitive, I know.” He smiles and dives back in. His tongue swirls around your nipple over and over again until you start to cry out.
“Fuck!” That’s so unexpected. The pleasure you are feeling is foreign. Nipple play never felt like this before. “It feels so– so good.”
He moves his mouth away with a wet pop just to say: “Yes, surrender yourself to the feeling, darling.” Then he goes back to sucking your nipple, while his metal hand is massaging your other breast. It’s such an amazing change after feeling pain for hours and you can’t help but crave more. Your hips are rising unintentionally. Bucky’s flesh hand moves down to your body, sliding between your folds really carefully, but it makes you push your hips up again.
You've never felt this wet in your life. You are sure your period has a lot to do with it, but god… That’s not the only reason. The way he’s paying attention to your breasts, the way his index finger is working between your folds… It feels like magic. His fingers start rubbing on your clit and the next thing you know you're moaning his name over and over again. Whenever you moan, his tongue becomes more relentless around your nipple. The pleasure hits you suddenly, it takes your breath away.
“Buck–” Your back arches like a bow. “Oh my go–”
He doesn’t stop. He doesn’t even hesitate for a second. His fingers and tongue work you through your orgasm until you start to feel a little sensitive. You let a long breath out, proving how satisfied you feel.
Finally, he lets go of your nipple and looks up. Hair messed up, lips swollen and eyes glossy. “How are you feeling?”
“Great.” You breathe out again and it makes him smile widely. So fucking widely… “I feel great.” His hand rests on your pussy while his head is on your upper body. You lean down a little and he meets you in the middle in a messy kiss. God, his lips are the most delicious thing you've ever tasted. They're nearly sweet and just intoxicating.
You sigh loudly, feeling so much better than before. The pain is the last thing on your mind. You actually think about a possible second orgasm already and a little smile creeps up on your lips.
“What?” He asks wondering what you are thinking.
“I think I want a bit more.” 
“Oh, you do?” He is fully smirking now. You just nod while biting one side of your lower lip. “Would it be okay if I put my fingers inside? Would that be comfortable for you?”
“I hope so. We can try and if it’s uncomfortable, I'll tell you.”
“What a good girl you are.”
Before you can say anything in return, his fingers move a little down and he pushes one of them inside.
“Bucky!” The sudden pleasure catches you off guard.
“Sorry, sorry. I will go slow.” He moves himself a little bit up, just to be able to kiss you comfortably. You look at him and excitement is written all over his face. He’s actually enjoying this even though he isn’t getting off himself, and you love how your pleasure affects him. Licking your lips, you close the little distance between you two. 
He kisses you deeply while moving his finger in and out. He’s using just one, but dear god… you are so sensitive. It feels so good even though you aren’t completely filled. Slowly, he pushes the second finger inside, crooking them and rubbing them along a spot where you can see stars. Your mouth suddenly opens as you let out a loud moan. You are unable to kiss him back, it feels like your whole body just tensed up and your muscles stopped working.
“Yes! God, yes.” You manage to say while he keeps on working. “Just like that.”
“Don’t worry, doll.” He speeds up a little. “I won’t stop.”
He keeps working his fingers while kissing your neck. You can feel your second orgasm approaching and it feels so good, but also not enough.
“Please…” You beg without thinking. “Please…”
“Tell me what you want.” His voice sounds so deep, so full of desire.
“Faster. A little faster.” You take a deep breath. “I’m so– close.”
He doesn’t make you ask twice, just starting to move his fingers a little faster and that’s all it takes. 
“Bucky!” You scream so loudly that it surprises even you, but it’s too late to bite your lip. The overwhelming pleasure takes over, making you scream so loudly that Bucky thinks all your neighbors know what you are up to. And he doesn’t care. They should know he is the one making you feel this good. He is the one who makes you forget about your pain and mindlessly moan his name like a prayer.
When you come down from your high, you feel boneless. It’s like your whole body relaxed after the blinding pleasure. Maybe it’s the mixture of the orgasms and the painkiller you took, but you are too tired to care. 
While you stretch your arms, you notice Bucky isn’t next to you anymore. You look around to see where he went and he comes out of the bathroom with another towel in his hand.
“Looking for me?” God, his smile is so smug, but you can’t blame him. The way you just screamed his name without having his cock inside you… That must have boosted his ego. Rightfully so. His fingers are magical. And his tongue. Also his lips. The way he turns you on so much and pulls this pleasure out of you is unbelievable.
“Yes. Why did you leave me?” You know he didn’t but you like to play.
“Just got a wet towel for you.” He kneels in front of the bed, between your legs and you prop up on your elbows to see what he’s doing. He gently moves the towel on your thighs and wipes the blood he smeared while making you scream his name.
“I could clean myself. You didn’t have to.” 
“I know you can, doll. Nobody said you can’t.” He rubs the towel against your slit and you jump a little, feeling sensitive. He notices your reaction and tries to do it more carefully. “I just want to help you.” After he’s done wiping, he folds the towel and puts it away. Immediately after, he grabs your clothes and helps you get dressed: your underwear first (and no, he did not forget about the pads), then your pajamas. In a couple of seconds, you're clean and all dressed up. “Now it’s time to rest.”
You move backward and get under the covers while watching him collect the towels all over the room and put them in the dirty laundry bin. It amazes you how he doesn’t forget about anything. He doesn’t let any small detail bother or worry you. You hear him washing his hands and he comes back with a smile on his face. 
You don’t know how you got this lucky. Having a loving and caring boyfriend like him… Getting taken care of like this… You remember how your friends talk about their boyfriends and how they do absolutely nothing. You know that’s not how a relationship should be, but you also know how rare this is. Your eyes wander back to him while he is getting undressed, showing you how incredibly hard he is. Yet he didn’t even make a move to relieve himself. He didn’t ask for a hand or begged to be inside you like he does sometimes. He put you first and unfortunately that’s even rarer.
He quickly puts on his pajamas and slips right next to you in bed. His arms are already around your waist, pulling you closer. You carefully move your hand down and palm his still rock-hard erection.
“Nope.” His answer is simple yet firm.
“Let me take care of you, Bucky.” You try to say as sweetly as possible. You want to return the favor.
“Not tonight, darling.” He gently moves your hand away. “But I promise, you can do whatever you want to me when you feel better, alright?”
“Alright.” He’s right. You are feeling sleepy already, you can do this another time. 
After all, you are his and he is yours. You have all the time in the world.
He pulls you even closer, putting his head on your shoulder behind your back.
“It’s time to sleep.”
“I love you Bucky.” You say while feeling the weight on your eyelids. It’s hard to keep them open.
“I love you too, darling.”
2K notes · View notes
badasbebi · 8 months
Text
the cupid project ➛ 1/2
part two
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✦ pairing: bada lee x fem!reader
✦ summary: you and your long-term work crush devise a plan to win a company contest. in the end, you wind up going to extreme lengths to commit to the bit
✦ genre/au: fluff, fake dating, videographer reader, bada's extra sweet here, slight friends to lovers
✦ word count: 7k
✦ warnings: isn't proofread. another unrealistic meet cute that doesn't really make sense. smut in part 2
✦ a/n: another two-parter simply bc my fics are too long. 2nd part is finished and will, again, be posted soon (literally tomorrow). didnt put as much thought into this one as I have with my other stories, which will probably be a pattern from now. still think its fun. enjoy!
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"It's been three minutes. Why are we still waiting on people?" Youngj fusses, running his fingers through his hair, tousling it
"Relax, Jae. You called us here last-minute. People are busy," Minho says from where he is sitting, scrolling through his phone.
Youngj's eyes snap to him. "Too busy for an emergency meeting with their boss?" He retorts, raising an eyebrow. 
Minho looks at him, then shrugs. "Well, that's what happens when you hire a bunch of ultra-talented, sought-after dancers. We don't need you," He finishes, swiftly turning back around, sunglasses concealing his eyes. 
Youngj gapes for a second, then seemingly surrenders, slouching back in his chair with a scowl. 
Meanwhile, you're balancing a camera lens in your hand on the sofa across from them, twisting and turning the machinery in your hand as you stifle your laughter. Still being somewhat new to the team, you weren't sure if you necessarily had the right to take part in Minho's teasing. You became an employee at JustJerk Dance Academy only six months ago, after JustJerk announced that they were looking for new hires. However, you weren't a part of their star-studded lineup of top choreographers and instructors. Instead, you were hired to be a videographer and photographer, working behind the scenes to ensure that every breathtaking move, every impassioned sequence, and every dancer was captured flawlessly. 
Which, it was not like it was very hard. The people here were phenomenal enough as it was, making your time spent at work nothing less than a blessing for someone who's long watched dancers from the sidelines. Even better, the members of JustJerk Dance Academy aren't just a group of talented dancers, but also a lovely group of people. They're kind and caring, often inviting you out to eat after a long day of filming or helping you with the things you struggled with. Sometimes, you still got awestruck around them because it was such a far cry from what you were used to. But, it was beginning to feel like home. And, as the days went by, everyone started to feel more and more like family.
Well, almost everyone.
Suddenly, you hear the doors swing open and glance up to see who's arrived.
"Sorry I'm late," A voice rings throughout the room, revealing none other than the legend herself, Bada Lee. 
Even after having passed by her a million times, the woman never failed to take your breath away. She was gorgeous and had an allure unlike anyone else, with a presence that seemed to shift the energy in every room she entered. In other words, she was also intimidatingly cool, which led to you frequently avoiding her because you were, simply, terrified. Though she's always been nothing but sweet and brilliant during your brief interactions, this kindness almost made things worse. It'd be much easier to disregard her if she was an asshole. Unluckily for you, she was one of the most charming people you've encountered in your life, making it nearly impossible to ignore the magnetic pull that's been causing an increasing amount of debauched thoughts and dreams. 
Bada walks toward the rest of the group with an apologetic smile on her face. Her long, black and blonde hair was tied back in a bun, and her baggy clothes were noticeably wrinkled, suggesting that she came straight from practice. Despite her slightly disheveled appearance, she looked as enticing as ever. 
You avert your gaze and continue playing with the camera equipment in your hands, attempting to appear nonchalant. 
"What happened? You're never late," Youngj asks, sitting upright. 
"I was helping one of my students out with a routine and got a little distracted. Sorry," Bada explains with a pout, sitting down on a separate couch next to yours. You keep your eyes on the camera in your hands.
"Don't worry about it, I just need everyone's attention for a few moments," Youngj says, scanning the room. "Is this everyone?"
"No, Redllic should be coming in soon. She was right behind me," Bada says, looking over at the door.
Your eyebrow inadvertently quirks up at the sound of Redllic's name escaping her lips. 
"Good enough, then. Let's get started," Youngj leans forward in his seat, clapping his hands together. "I want to first apologize to all of you for calling you here so abruptly. Unfortunately, this was the only time I had to get you all here together.”
Everyone eagerly waits for him to speak, the air thick with curiosity as Youngj takes a deep breath, his gaze shifting from one person to another.
"So, to clarify, I didn't call you guys here for anything particularly important."
Minho laughs bitterly. "I fucking knew it."
Youngj gives him a pointed look before continuing. "There's a special event that the company is holding and I wanted to inform all of you about it in-person, because even though it isn’t anything to worry about, it is admittedly a bit...unusual for us."
"What is it?" Redllic asks, appearing out of thin air. Everyone, except for Bada, jumps slightly, surprised by her sudden arrival.
"Redllic!" Youngj says, placing a hand on his heart. "You scared the hell out of me."
"Oh, sorry," Redllic shrugs, plopping down next to Bada, throwing her feet onto the coffee table. "What's going on?"
"Right, um," Youngj clears his throat. "As I was saying, there's an event that we're hosting for Valentine's Day. We're calling it the 'Cupid Project.' Basically, you're all going to get into pairs, and you'll be doing a variety of activities together," Youngj explains, his eyes scanning the group, watching the reactions on everyone's faces. 
Ew, is the immediate word that pops into your head. This reminded you of the group projects your teachers forced you to do in school. You can already see how this project will play out, and it's probably not going to be pretty. Based on the skeptical expressions you can make out, you are at least relieved to see that you aren't the only one feeling hesitant. 
"What kind of activities?" Bada asks softly, tilting her head.
"Just activities to get to know each other. Doing things you wouldn't normally do," Youngj replies, shrugging his shoulders. "Jho and I have some planned activities, but the point is for you and your partner to find things to do voluntarily. If we plan everything out for you guys, then it'll be completely forced."
"Wait, wait, wait," Minho interjects, pushing his sunglasses onto the top of his head. "So, you're telling me I have to go on a date with someone here?"
"No," Youngj shakes his head. "We're not forcing you to fall in love or anything. This is purely platonic, just a fun way to bond with each other. And there'll be a prize," Youngj says, wagging his finger.
"A prize?" Minho echos, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes. You and your partner will compete against the others and the pair who does the most activities and seems to have actually become good friends with each other will win a reward."
"How are you measuring that?" Hoyeon, another videographer, asks. 
"We'll conduct anonymous votes and collect them at the Valentine's Day party we're hosting," Youngj explains. "But, it's not supposed to be all that serious, everyone. We're just trying to do something fun and, you know, team-build since we've gotten a lot of new hires recently. And, we'll get a good video out of it. We're planning on making a highlight reel of the Cupid Project for our Youtube Channel, which will be nice promotional material, too."
So that's what this was really about: content. Truthfully, you wouldn't have an issue with this if it were not very likely that you'd be the one filming or editing this highlight reel. You internally groan, realizing you'll have to deal with an increased workload because of this clusterfuck. 
"I think it's a great idea," Redllic says, a mischievous smirk on her face. You watch her glance at Bada, who is staring at nothing with an unreadable look in her eyes.
"Well, what's the prize?" Minho asks. 
"600,000 KRW"
Others around the room whisper in excitement. You almost drop your camera. Out of shock, yes, but also because that was exactly the amount of money you needed to buy a brand new camera that you've been eyeing for ages. You've been wanting to record more complex videos, wanting to work on actual music video sets, but your current setup is limiting you. If you were able to get your hands on that camera now, you'd be about a year or two ahead of the original timeline you had in mind. You bite the inside of your lip, hoping Youngj doesn't see the desperation in your eyes.
"Holy shit," Hoyeon mutters. 
The two of you make eye contact, and you already know that the two of you are working together. You were close, having joined the company at the same time and being around the same age. This would be an easy win. 
"Alright, so it's settled, then," Youngj says, a confident grin forming on his face.
"Are we choosing our own partners?" Redllic asks, moving a blonde strand of hair away from her face. 
"No. That would lead to a bunch of people asking to be paired with people they're already friends with, which would make the whole thing pointless. We're drawing names out of a hat," Youngj says, gesturing towards the baseball cap resting on the coffee table.
Everyone collectively groans. You try not to cry. 
"Stop, come on, don't make this difficult," Youngj frowns. "The sooner you choose, the more time you have to prepare. Now, who wants to go first? I already have your names written,"
"Wait, let me go first," Hoyeon volunteers, jumping up and grabbing the hat. She reaches her hand inside and picks a small slip of paper out, then reads it aloud. You bite your lip, praying.
"Howl," Hoyeon declares, holding the piece of paper out for everyone to see. 
Your name is not Howl, but you nearly howl right then and there. Realistically, the probability that you would get who you wanted was unlikely considering the number of people in the room. Nonetheless, it hurt. 
The man with the wolf-centric name quietly stands and moves away from the corner he was situated in. He had been quiet the entire meeting, and most did not really notice he was there until Hoyeon mentioned his name.
"Guess it's you and me," Hoyeon laughs, smiling at the tall figure beside her.
Howl gives her a slight smile, shakes her hand, and they sit back down.
"Alright, Bada. Why don't you come over here?" Youngj says, gesturing to the coffee table.
"The one that everyone wants, I'm sure," Redllic comments with a bemused smirk, causing a clamor of chuckles.
Bada scoffs, and heads over to the table. She reaches into the hat, rustling through the papers. You hold your breath, reminding yourself of the unlikelihood that you'd be the name she pulled. However, as the woman's fingers curl around a single sheet of paper, your heart skips a beat. You feel as if you were the one reaching into the hat.
Bada pulls the paper out and unfolds it, her eyes scanning the sheet. Then, her eyes lock with yours, and your heart leaps. 
"Y/N," Bada calls out, holding the paper up.
You freeze, the room spinning around you. There's no way. 
Bada cocks her head to the side. "It's you, right?"
"Oh! Um, yeah," You sputter, quickly gathering the camera equipment around you.
You hear whispers and feel a hundred pairs of eyes on you as you walk over to the girl. You ignore the feeling of your skin burning. 
"Hey, Y/N. It's nice to officially meet you. I've seen you around a lot," Bada says, eyes warm.
"Yeah, nice to officially meet you, too," You say, extending your hand.
Her hand is warm and soft, enveloping yours like a blanket. Your hand feels cold and sweaty. 
"Interesting," Redllic quips, eyes darting between you two, a glint in her gaze. Bada tears her eyes away from you, giving the blonde woman a questioning look as she retracts her hand.
You take the opportunity to step away, returning to your seat and letting the other dancers pull names. The rest of the pairings are revealed without much commotion, except for Minho's, who loudly complains when he has to partner up with Jaeyong, a good choreographer, but awkward man. 
After all the names are drawn, everyone is dismissed. You're quick to leave the room, eager to return to the comfort of your familiar space behind the camera.
"Y/n! Slow down! We need to talk!" Hoyeon calls, catching up to you.
You turn around, side-stepping out of the way of people walking past you in the hallway. You wait for her to stop in front of you before you speak."With all due respect, I don't really want to talk right now. I just want to record. Then go home, and eat some ramen."
"With Bada?" Hoyeon sings, a cheeky grin forming on her face.
"Shut up," You mumble, rolling your eyes and continuing down the hall.
"Wait, why are you so bummed?" Hoyeon starts, following behind you, "Bada's cool?"
You sigh. "Exactly. She's cool. I'm...not."
"What? Yes, you are. Why would you think otherwise?" Hoyeon scoffs, her eyes narrowed.
"I just," You pause in the hallway again, trying to formulate the words. "I'm a little scared of her, is all."
"Scared?" Hoyeon questions, her forehead wrinkling. "She's nice though. You don't have anything to worry about."
"Yeah, but she's so pretty, and talented, and again, I'm not. Not in the way extraordinary way that she is, I mean.” You explain, shoulders slumping. 
A look of realization dawns upon Hoyeon's face, and she laughs menacingly. "Oh, I see what this is. You think she's hot, and you're a scaredy cat who's afraid of rejection. Case closed. I understand."
"That's not how I would phrase things but, essentially, yes," You concede, turning the corner.
"You're being silly. She's not a god. She's literally just a human being...a very sexy human being but a human being nonetheless. Just talk to her like one," Hoyeon suggests, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean, are you not going to try to get that money? I know you want it. I saw that crazed look in your eye once Youngj made it to that fifth zero."
You laugh, "I mean, yes, I really want that money. I don't know if it's possible though. Even if I wanted to reach out to her, she’s so busy I doubt she's planning on actually committing to this. Especially because she's already loaded."
"You don't know until you try you wimp," Hoyeon says, nudging you in the arm.
"Ow," You groan, rubbing the spot in a manner that probably proves her point. "Aren't you going to try for the money too? Where's Howl, huh?"
"We're friends already, it'll be chill. I don't know if we'll necessarily win the money, but, like, we'll have a good time," Hoyeon states, grinning.
"Ugh, gross," You say, sticking out your tongue.
She ignores your immaturity. "What do you wanna do with the money anyway?" Hoyeon asks, leaning against the wall next to an entrance to one of the dance studios.
"Remember that equipment I told you about? So I can start working on sets?"
"Oh, right," Hoyeon says, crossing her arms. "You said that you've been wanting to do that for a while, y/n. Are you really not going to talk to Bada? I’ve recorded with her a few times now and I mean it when I say that she's nice as hell. I feel like she'd probably be down, or, at the very least, will understand if you explain things to her. "
"I'll try. Maybe. At some point. It's not going to be today, though," you mutter, reaching for the studio door before you are stopped by Hoyeon jabbing her french-tipped fingernail into your chest. 
"You better. Or else," Hoyeon threatens, a dark expression coming over her. 
"Move your finger, please," You say, swatting her hand away.
Hoyeon rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Good luck filming. I'm gonna go find Howl. Love ya,"
"Yeah, yeah. Have fun," You wave goodbye to her as she walks down the hall, pulling out her phone.
Once she's out of sight, you release a deep sigh and push open the door, only to be met with the sight of a familiar face. 
"Oh," You breathe.
Bada turns, a surprised expression on her face. "Y/n, hi. Were you coming in?"
"Um, yeah," You reply, slowly entering the room and closing the door behind you. "Are you rehearsing something?"
"Yeah," Bada answers, glancing at the mirror.
"Sorry. I can go-"
"No, no, don't worry about it. If you need to film in here, that's fine. I'll just go next door," Bada says, waving her hand.
You pause, taking a breath. Now’s your chance. "Actually, forget the recording, could I talk to you real quick? About the...cupid thing?"
"Yeah, of course. I was actually hoping we'd get a chance to talk," Bada grins, sitting down on the floor and patting the spot beside her.
You hesitantly walk over and sit down next to her. You take a moment to compose yourself, running your fingers along the smooth fabric of your pants.
"So," Bada prompts.
"Uh," You stammer, wracking your brain for what you were supposed to say. "Um, well, I just wanted to say that, uh, you are really, um, talented. And-oh, this sounds really weird." You finish, running a palm down your face in embarrassment. 
"No, no, it's not," Bada chuckles, a gentle smile on her face. "Thank you, though. But, um, that's not what you wanted to say, right?"
"Right. Sorry," You apologize, a rush of blood filling your cheeks.
"Don't worry. Take your time. We have a lot of it," Bada reminds you, studying the expression on your face. Her voice and words are calming, but her staring is freaking freaking you out further. 
You take another deep breath, hoping to quell your nerves. "Okay. I'm sorry. Uh, I'll try again. What I really wanted to say is, I know that it’s a stupid contest, and that you probably don't care about winning, but I actually really want to participate in that project and win that prize money. And, I was hoping you'd, maybe, help me win?" Before she can respond, you launch into another tangent. "I'm sorry, you're probably busy, which is okay, but I just want to upgrade my equipment so I can get more opportunities outside of-"
"Hey," Bada says, gently laying her hand on top of yours. "Of course I'll help you. You don't have to apologize. I think it'll be fun."
You nearly spiral, but Bada's touch is surprisingly soothing, and you calm down despite your anxiety. 
"Oh, wow. Thank you, so much," You breathe.
"It's not a big deal, seriously. I'm looking forward to it," Bada insists, squeezing your hand.
You stare at her, and her kind, sparkling eyes. What have you gotten yourself into?
You both sit there for a second, a pregnant pause in the air, before you quickly pull your hand away, remembering how sweaty they were.
Bada smiles, unphased. Then, she begins tapping her fingers rhythmically against the ground, a contemplative look on her face as she stares at the space where your hands were previously intertwined. 
"So," Bada suddenly looks up. "If you're just in it to win it, and you really want a fair shot, I think we need to do something a little extreme."
You blink, scared. "What do you mean…extreme?"
She bites her lip and you have to resist the urge to stare. "Youngj said this was supposed to be platonic, so that's how most people are going to approach it. How do we seem better or stronger than other platonic relationships? What’s more intense than that?"
You must be misunderstanding where she's going with this. "Um, a romantic one?" You say, furrowing your eyebrows.
To your shock, she nods. "Exactly. Y/n, I'm saying that we should make our Cupid partnership a romantic one," Bada states, her expression serious.
Your head is spinning. She is taking this much more seriously than you were anticipating. You were expecting to just go out for coffee a few times, and maybe post a picture of your twinning lattes on instagram to sell your friendship. You have no idea how to process this more intense proposition.
"Are you suggesting that we pretend to date each other?" You confirm.
A beat of silence. She leans back slightly, her eyes flickering. "I mean, yeah. Sure," She pauses. "Unless you're not comfortable with that."
"I am," You respond, the lie escaping your mouth with ease. 
Bada's eyes widen and she sits up, a smile growing on her face. "You're sure? If you're not cool with that, we don't have to. I know the idea is a little bit out there. I just, uh, want to help," She babbles, her fingers tapping against the floor again. 
You laugh. Was Bada Lee nervous? "I'm not uncomfortable with it. I trust you. As long as it helps us win,"
"It will, I promise. I'll make it worth your while," Bada vows, her expression determined.
"I can't wait," You laugh again, feeling the butterflies in your stomach flutter.
"Cool," She breathes, her body relaxing. "Well, I should go. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
You grin, nodding. "Yeah, that'd be great."
"Awesome," She smiles, standing up. She reaches her down and grabs your hand, pulling you up. "I'm not gonna be able to actually meet-up with you tomorrow because I have something scheduled, but I already have your phone number. I'll text you."
You nod, distracted and unable to speak as her soft fingers brush against your palm.
"Bye-bye," She waves cutely, her long legs swiftly carrying her across the room. You wave back, her departing smile etched into your brain as you watch the door click shut behind her. Then, you're alone. 
You stare at the floor, processing the interaction. You had just agreed to pretend to date one of the hottest and most intimidating women you had ever met. You had no clue why you did it. Maybe the promise of money and fulfilled dreams had blinded you. Still, the whole thing seemed a little too ridiculous. Too dangerous. 
But there was no backing out now. You already went through the trouble of telling Bada about your desperation, and you told her that you trusted her. You'd have to commit. 
"Well," you whisper, hugging yourself in a soothing motion. "Here goes nothing."
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You fidget within the plush confines of your seat, hesitantly glancing around your dimly lit surroundings as you twist a gleaming piece of silverware between your fingers. Your other hand remains in your lap, afraid to touch the red linen covering your table. Your gaze settles on a couple a few tables away from you, clinking their wine glasses together with pompous grins. It crosses your mind that the wine they're drinking is probably worth more than the money you're doing all of this for, and you make the executive decision to reach for the bottle of wine the woman sitting across from you generously bought. 
When you drop your fork to outstretch your hand toward the bottle, the woman in question seems to notice, hurriedly grabbing ahold of it before you can reach it, and pours the liquid into your glass, herself. 
"Thank you," you murmur, retracting your hand and finally allowing it to fall on the table. 
"No problem," Bada replies, her voice warm and velvety, like the wine. She pushes your drink toward you, and you hurriedly snatch it up to take a large gulp, allowing it to trickle down your throat. The heat of the alcohol soothes your anxiety, and you exhale deeply. 
Your relief lasts for approximately one millisecond. Because, in the next, you're putting your drink down and are being reminded of the predicament you've gotten yourself into. Bada's preoccupation with her menu gives you the chance to observe the way the soft glow emanating from a nearby lamp illuminates her features. The light traces the curves of her face, accentuating every perfect line. Her eyebrows furrow in concentration, compelling you to consider reaching over the table to smooth the lines over with your thumb. When you try to look away, your gaze locks on the pouting of her lips as she focuses on whatever she's reading. 
"I'm thinking of getting the Frutti Di Mare," she voices, snapping you out of your trance. She sets the menu down and looks up, a gentle smile on her face.
"I don't know what that is," you respond dumbly. 
She laughs, the sound light and airy, causing the skin near her eyes to wrinkle adorably. "I thought Italian was your favorite?"
"It is," you confirm, feeling flustered. "I just-the Italian places I go to are super watered down. The fanciest thing you'll see there is fettuccini alfredo,"
"That makes sense," Bada nods, her smile turning playful. "Then, I'll let you know what it is. It's basically seafood. I think it's usually served with pasta."
"Ah," you reply, nodding slowly. "Tasty."
Bada laughs again, and you feel like a scratched CD—unable to get any words out, twitching in place, devilish sounds threatening to enemate from you at any moment. "I'll make sure to order an extra portion for you to try. Unless, of course, you don't want me to."
"No, that works. I'm fine with that," you respond, quickly.
"I figured." Bada smiles knowingly.
Your hand clutches your chest. "Hey, is that a little shade? Did I miss it? Please, elaborate," you joke, leaning forward.
Bada giggles. "Maybe. You've been drinking a lot of that wine. And I think you ate most of the breadsticks."
You glance at your breadcrumb filled plate, then at the half-empty basket of breadsticks. "Oh. Wow. I did."
"You did," Bada affirms, her expression amused. She scoots her chair closer and takes a sip of her own drink, her tongue darting out to lick her lips once she's done. You have the overwhelming urge to mimic the motion, but resist, choosing to instead stuff another breadstick in your mouth.
You swallow the last bits of the breadstick, wiping the crumbs off of your mouth, only for a new, smaller, crumb to appear. Bada notices, and when she raises her arm, your breath hitches. You feel her soft hand graze the side of your face, the pad of her thumb rubbing the crumb off your lip.
"There we go," Bada smiles, satisfied. You can't help but lean into her touch, the warmth of her skin a pleasant contrast against the cold room.
You're startled out of the moment when the waiter appears, setting a basket of warm bread down. You jump, moving away from Bada.
"Have we decided what we'd like to eat?" he asks, his accent thick.
Bada nods, seemingly unaffected by the exchange. "Yes, we're ready. I'll have the Frutti di Mare."
"Great choice," the waiter says. "And, for you, miss?"
"Um, Spaghetti," you answer, your voice strained. 
The waiter scribbles down the order. "Anything else to drink?"
"I’m good, thank you," Bada answers, her tone sweet, smiling gratefully at the man.
"I'll be right back with your food," the waiter bows his head, his ponytail bouncing, and swiftly leaves the table, leaving the two of you alone. 
Avoiding eye contact with Bada, you grab ahold of your glass and drink. The air crackles with something subtle, and you find yourself stealing glances at Bada’s pretty face in between sips, your cheeks warming.
But you needed to get down to business. It’s already been two days since you discussed fake-dating, and this is the first time you’ve done anything together. The clock was ticking.
You placed your drink down on the table and swallowed loudly, causing Bada to stop fiddling with the napkin in front of her in favor of looking at you. 
"So," you start.
"So," she copies.
"What's the plan?" you ask, drumming your fingers against the table.
Bada's eyebrows furrow again. "The plan?"
"For the whole Cupid thing," you clarify.
"Oh," she says, blinking. "Right. Well, I was thinking, that this was sort of the plan."
"This being..."
"Dinner. At a fancy restaurant," she responds, gesturing to her surroundings. "People will see us hanging out together here, and it'll get the rumor mill running. I wouldn't be surprised if the media picked it up, honestly. I think it's a pretty solid first step. We're just planting the seeds,"
You nod. "Yeah, okay. That makes sense. How do we get from here to actually dating?"
She leans back in her chair, pondering the question. "Hm. I don't know. An Instagram post, maybe? A soft launch?"
You consider this. "Okay, sure. But, what would the picture be of? This is all so, vague."
Bada shrugs, nonchalant. "We'll figure it out as we go. We're gonna be spending a lot of time together for the next few days so there'll be plenty of opportunities for pictures. For now, I think we should just enjoy dinner. We're supposed to look like a couple in love right now and I don't know if trying to scientifically plan a soft launch is really giving romance."
"Right," you sigh. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize," Bada says, reaching across the table to give your hand a quick squeeze.
You're interrupted by the waiter returning, bringing the food. He carefully sets the dishes down, and a delectable smell fills the air.
"Bon appetit," the waiter bows his head and disappears again.
"Thanks," you call after him, taking a moment to observe the meal.
"It looks great," Bada comments, reaching for her fork.
"It does," you agree, grabbing your own utensils. You take a tentative bite, moaning loudly as the flavors immediately explode in your mouth. "Holy fuck."
Bada stares at you, wide-eyed and frozen, a piece of pasta still stuck on her fork.
You blush, covering your mouth. "Oh my gosh, sorry."
She gulps, snapping out of her stupor. "No, no, it's fine. That was just, a, uh. It seems like you really like it!"
"It's really good," you confirm, your words muffled by the food.
"I can tell," Bada chuckles, her voice low and her eyes twinkling.
"Sorry. I'm gonna try not to embarrass myself any more," you say, chewing more delicately.
She laughs softly. "There's no need to apologize. You're funny, y/n," Bada says, the sincerity of her words and the fondness in her tone making heat rise to your cheeks. 
You eat the rest of your food quietly, listening to the bustling noise around you, the sound of Bada's utensils clinking against her plate unusually relaxing.
As you're finishing your last bits of pasta, a group of loud voices and giggles pass by your table. One of the girls, a brunette, notices the two of you and stops.
"Oh, my god," you hear the girl not-so-discreetly whisper, clutching her friends' arms. "Is that who I think it is?"
You glance at Bada, and she's looking at you. You raise an eyebrow.
"Bada Lee and...I don't know who that is? Who is that?" The brunette's friend replies.
You look down, pretending not to hear the conversation.
"I don't know either. You think that's her girlfriend?"
"Girlfriend?! No way. They're probably just hanging out or something."
At this, Bada drops her fork and reaches across the table for your hand, grabbing it gently.
"You okay, baby?" Bada asks, her tone sugary sweet.
You're taken aback by the pet name. But, you decide to play along. You smile at her, placing your other hand over hers. "I'm fine, sweetie. Just a little tired."
"Do you wanna leave, honey?"
"I think I'll be fine," you grin.
"If you're sure," Bada smiles, stroking the back of your hand with her thumb.
"I'm positive, honey bunch," you affirm, biting onto your bottom lip to contain your laughter. 
"Aw, they're cute!" the brunette sighs. "I've gotta tell Sooyoung about this."
"Yeah, we should leave them alone, though. Let's go."
You and Bada watch the pair walk away. As soon as the women are out of sight, the two of you burst into laughter, dropping the facade.
"Did you see their faces?" Bada giggles.
"'Who is that?'" you imitate, your voice high pitched and nasal.
"Baby," Bada says, smirking. 
You laugh, but the endearment sends butterflies to your stomach. "Sweetie."
"Honey bunch," Bada grins.
"Honey bunny," you fire back.
"My love," she replies, tilting her head with a smirk, her voice playful. 
"Lovebug," you answer, raising an eyebrow.
"Is this foreplay?" she jokes, laughing. 
"I mean, if you want it to be, I'm not stopping you," you say, the words slipping out before you can stop yourself. Bada's eyes shoot up, and you feel slightly mortified and shocked by your own brazenness. 
"Do you mean that?" Bada asks, her voice dropping down an octave.
You open your mouth, then shut it. This is odd. You were regretting your lack of filter at first, but Bada seemed a bit too intrigued by the idea of consensual foreplay with you. She could just be joking, or really committing to the fake-dating bit. The look in her eyes was telling you otherwise, though.
However, you're cut off by the waiter reappearing. "May I interest you in dessert, or shall I bring the check?" he asks.
"Just the check, please," she says, not breaking eye contact with you.
The waiter bows, leaving the table once more.
You opt to stare down at the table. "I'll pay half," you offer, avoiding her earlier question.
"It's on me," Bada says. "I brought you here."
"Thank you."
"It's no problem," she says, a small smile on her lips.
Once the waiter comes back, Bada gives him her card. When he returns to your table with the receipt, Bada locks eyes with you, your heart thumping loudly.
"Let's get out of here," Bada says, and you nod.
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You stand at the entrance of the restaurant, a gentle breeze caressing your face. Your hands are stuffed in the pockets of your coat, and the chilly air nips at the tip of your nose.
"Are you ready?" Bada asks from behind you. You turn around to look at her, and the way her eyes reflect the light of the streetlamps above you causes your chest to tighten.
"Ready," you confirm, a hint of a smile on your face.
"Alright," Bada says, shoving her phone, which you don't remember seeing her pull out, into her coat pocket. She leads you to her car, opening the passenger seat door for you.
"Thanks," you smile, and she responds with a nod. 
After the door is closed, she goes around to the driver's seat, starting the engine and driving out of the parking lot. You're both silent as she navigates through the streets. You peer out the window, watching the city lights flicker and blur as you replay tonight's events, attempting to ignore the now obvious tension. 
"So," Bada breaks the silence, causing you to whip your head toward her. "You still haven't fully explained to me what plans you have in mind for that camera you're wanting so badly."
"Well," you begin, relieved that she took the conversation in this direction. "I love what I do at JustJerk. Seriously, watching you guys dance is amazing, and the people are the best. But, I don't want my career to end there. I want to do more on top of that, diversify my portfolio and all. What I really want to do is get onto a music video set. Maybe start directing, too. One day."
Bada hums and smiles. "That's amazing."
"Thanks," you grin, scratching the back of your neck.
"With all due respect, though, do you really need the new equipment for that? You do such a good job with our choreography videos. I don't know anything about videography, but I'd be surprised if that alone couldn't get your foot in the door."
"Well," you draw out, considering your words. "That's probably true. But, I don't think I'm that lucky. The equipment will help, the camera will be useful...the lenses will be nice to have…”
Bada frowns. "Have you given it a shot yet, though? As much as I'm going to try my hardest to help you win this money, realistically, there's a good chance that we still won't win. I'd hate to see you postpone your dreams just because of this camera, or because of this project."
You pause, staring at the car's interior, listening to the sound of the engine running, lost in thought. You weren't sure if it was because you admired Bada so much, or if it was something about her tone, but you were actually starting to rethink things. Perhaps you were holding yourself back a bit. 
"Maybe," you simply respond, unable to say much else. 
"I mean, the equipment will probably help," Bada concedes. "But, not having it won't stop you, I'm sure. Our videographers really don't get enough credit. But, you're all great and you're especially amazing at what you do, y/n. The only reason why I haven't gotten around to working with you is because the other dancers keep getting to you first," she admits, bitterly. 
"Wow," you breathe. "Thank you."
"Of course. You're awesome," she says, the confidence in her words filling your heart.
"So are you," you say, turning away from her, trying not to blush.
"I know. You’ve said it already," Bada smirks, and you simply roll your eyes. 
A more comfortable silence envelops the two of you, and the tension from before dissipates. You lean back in the passenger seat, a smile on your face, feeling content.
Soon, Bada pulls up outside of your apartment, and you're disappointed. 
"This is you," Bada announces.
"Yep," you nod.
"I had a lot of fun tonight," she says, smiling.
"Me too," you reply with a matching smile. "Thank you for dinner."
"It was no problem," she states, waving her hand.
You step outside, but, before closing the car door, you hesitate. "Um," you say, unsure.
"What is it?" Bada asks, a hint of worry in her tone.
"Can I give you a hug?" you blurt out.
Bada looks startled, but her expression softens. "Sure," she nods, turning the engine off and stepping outside.
You meet her on the sidewalk, and pull her into a hug, wrapping your arms around her torso and pressing your cheek against her chest. She hugs back, and you swear that you can hear her heartbeat.
"Goodnight," Bada whispers into your hair.
"Goodnight," you echo, pulling away, already missing her warmth.
She opens the car door again, ducking inside. "Text me when you get upstairs," she instructs.
"I will," you promise.
"Great. Goodnight, y/n," she smiles.
"Goodnight, Bada," you reply, watching her drive away. Once her car disappears, you sigh.
As you trudge up the stairs to your apartment, a single question repeats in your mind: What the fuck am I doing?
You finish cleaning up and getting ready for bed approximately two hours later. As you lay in bed, scrolling through social media, a post from a JustJerk fanpage catches your eye. It's a picture of Bada and you together at dinner, with the caption, "Caught on a date?!"
You laugh at the predictability of the situation, and just as you're about to turn off your phone, you think to check Bada's Instagram, curious. She posted a new story.
You tap it, and it's a picture of you, taken from behind, standing outside the restaurant. There are no words attached to the picture. Just one, pink heart.
You smile, saving the picture, and fall asleep with the image burned into your mind.
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Three days later, you are stationed near your camera, watching Bada teach. The day after your fake dinner date, she sent you a text describing the next stage of the plan, which was attending each other's events and collaborating in public whenever it seemed right. This initially felt like an excellent idea. You'd been dying to watch and record one of Bada's classes since you started working at JustJerk, and it brought you guys one step closer to convincing everyone you were seriously dating. What could go wrong?
The actual execution of this idea turned out to be much more distressing than you previously imagined. It started this morning when you were filming Minho's class. You kneeled in the front of the room, prepping your camera as Minho made rounds around the studio to talk to his students individually. Engrossed with your equipment, you didn't hear the sounds of the door opening and closing, or the following eruption of loud murmuring. It was not until you saw a pair of sneakers stop in front of you and caught a whiff of a now-familiar sweet aroma, that you bothered to glance up. When you did, you found yourself making eye contact with Bada, holding a bouquet.
"These are for you," Bada said, a proud smile on her face. 
Your jaw dropped and you scrambled to get up, almost knocking the camera over. They were roses, vibrant and beautiful against the dull gray of the dance studio. No one had done this for you before. 
"They're gorgeous," you whispered, accepting the flowers.
"I'm glad you think so," she replied, her smile deepening as she observed your reaction. You cradled the bouquet in your hands, inhaling the smell of the roses with a pleased hum and missing the endeared expression on Bada's face. You certainly didn’t see the way she started to lean forward to press a soft kiss to your forehead. Shocked, you loosened your grip on the bouquet, feeling nothing but the rush of warmth spread through every inch of you as a result of her tiny peck. 
She shifted back, as relaxed as ever. "I gotta go, but I'll see you later?" 
"Definitely," you nod, clutching the bouquet once again, head spinning.
"Great." She nodded, then made her way out of the studio.
After she left, you turned to face the room, only to be met with everyone’s staring. Right. That is what this is about. Getting attention. Nothing else. 
You glanced at Minho, who had a teasing smirk on his face.
"What?" you asked him, scowling. 
"Nothing," he laughed, then restarted his class. 
Now you are recording Bada's class. Or at least, that’s what you’re supposed to be doing. But, having to observe her so confidently lead her students through a routine, hearing her call out corrections with a simultaneously gentle yet demanding tone, noticing how hard her abs are when she lifts her shirt to wipe the sweat from her brow for the last hour? It's been painful. You're so busy trying not to swoon you've nearly forgotten to press record a couple of times.
She suddenly looks at you, flashing a small smile at you accompanied by crinkling eyes. You give her a thumbs-up and quickly shift your gaze toward the camera as if you were busy setting the frame, even though the shot is already perfect.
Bada returns her focus to the class, and the lesson continues. Every once in a while, Bada walks over to you, checking in and asking how everything is going. Each time, she offers a smile, a wink, or some form of encouragement, and every time, it takes everything in your power not to blush. She's clearly playing it up for the audience, but the effect she has on you is no act.
Her students are buying it, though. The moment she gets near you, the girls (and a few guys) start whispering amongst themselves. It's working.
"Alright," Bada claps, signaling the end of the session. "That's it for today. Good job, everybody."
"Thank you, teacher!" they all exclaim, bowing and gathering their things.
You're packing up your camera when you feel a pair of hands grasp your waist. Startled, you drop your tripod.
"Gotcha," Bada giggles.
"Shit, that scared me," you say, placing a hand on your heart.
"Sorry, sorry," she laughs. "How'd the recording go?"
"Pretty good," you say, bending down to pick up the tripod. Bada immediately crouches, beating you to it. "Thank you."
"No problem" she says, straightening up, extending the tripod towards you.
"Thanks," you say again, taking the device from her. "Anyway, you did good. It's not going to need much editing."
"Really?" Bada smiles. "Thank you. That means a lot, actually."
"It’s no problem," you grin, suppressing the fluttering in your stomach. "And, uh, thanks again for the flowers, by the way. They were beautiful."
“You are very welcome. Just fulfilling my fake-girlfriend duties," Bada beams, and you have to look away.
"Well, anyway, I should probably head home," you say, avoiding eye contact. "Gotta get started on the footage."
She tilts her head. "Uh, I don’t think so. That’s gonna have to wait for tomorrow,” 
"Huh? Why?" you ask, confused.
"Because, y/n, we're going bowling with Youngj and them? Don't tell me you forgot," she chides, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh," you say, remembering. "I thought that was supposed to be later."
"It's 7:30," she says, a slight frown on her face.
"Fuck," you curse, running a hand through your hair. "Sorry, I'll get out of here."
"We have to go there together," Bada reminds you.
"Shit. Okay, yeah, let's go," you sigh.
"Are you okay?" she asks, concern etched onto her features.
"Yes. No. Ugh. Sorry, I just had a lot on my mind today. Didn't get much sleep," you say, rubbing your eyes. It wasn’t a complete lie. Ever since your date at the restaurant, you’ve been getting bombarded with messages from friends asking about the two of you, giving you little time to rest alongside your work for Justjerk. There was more going on today, though. 
"That sucks," Bada sympathizes. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"Not really," you answer, bluntly.
"Okay," she says, softly. "But, if and when you do, I’m all ears."
"Thanks, Bada. I appreciate it," you reply, and a part of you is telling yourself not to get attached. But the bigger part of you, the part that wants nothing more than to fall into her arms, tells that smaller part to fuck off.
"Of course. Anyway, we should really get going," she says, and you follow her out the door, leaving your thoughts and feelings behind.
read part two
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crystallilytarot · 6 months
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Choose a crocodile. How to work on your insecurities?
(I think it's more like just some advice, idk, but I hope you will enjoy it anyway)
Pile 1
If someone ever said to you that you are not good enough, it's just their opinion, it's not like the whole world said it. And especially if they are a bad person or someone who isn't even so close to you, just ignore them. Like only 1 teacher said it. But even if it was a family member, if someone really love you, they won't be mean to you. Yeah, we can learn from critics, if it's supposed to be helpful, not if it's just simply comes from jealousy. The past is the past, you should see forward, not what was before, you can do better, you can be succesful, you can be loved. Even if you weren't before. Believe in yourself more! You should stand up for yourself, but also, sometimes fighting is not worth it. You should find the balance, especially within yourself. Just focus on your goals. You have everything you need to be succesful, so you really should work on your confidense. And some things really needs time, be patient, consistent and don't give up! There's something here about either moving to another place, or traveling, and maybe you should be more often in the nature. But I think it's also a sign, that yes, you will move and travel!
Pile 2
Oh dear. I don't really read about health, but if you have anxiety or any mental health issues, please seek professional help if you can. And if you have a friend, you can trust, it would be good too. I think a lot of things here comes from mental health problems. I would say if you have any hobbies, that's a good thing, or if you are a fan of something/somebody. But make sure it's healthy, not an obsession. It can be just that you spend too much time online, and it's bad because we can see unrealistic things, and that will become unrealistic expectations. If you feel sometimes like you need to romanticize your life, escape to a fantasy world, enjoy childish things etc. It's all good, don't be ashamed to do whatever you enjoy. I think the most important here is to work on staying optimistic, keeping your faith. If something is bad, it's not the end of the world, you can try again. And you really need to love yourself more, accept yourself, your body, your personality. You are so loveable, please love yourself too, care about yourself too, not just others.
Pile 3
I think sometimes you make a decision and later you regret it. So you should think about things before. Don't be so reckless. Don't get into heated arguments. I won't say never, but sometimes we should let go of things, especially if the other person simply just won't see our point of view. Or sometimes they just don't understand you, because I think you are very smart. Also you should think about what you really want. Because we can be interested in a lot of things, but sometimes we don't have the energy to do everything or sometimes we can be bored. And it's okay to change and even stop doing stuff, if it's not enjoyable for you anymore. You can't be good at everything. But if you really want something, you can make a plan, a goal, search information, make a vision board maybe. You can do some things like this, to stay motivated. Sometimes we should take things a little lighter, nobody is perfect, it's okay to laugh even at yourself. I mean not in a mean way, but to lighten the situation sometimes. And just to have a little fun, you should laugh more often. If you work hard, that work will pay off, but you can enjoy the life too, not just when you achieve something. It's okay to be emotional too. You should take care of yourself better, do some selfcare, love yourself, and just go with the flow a little.
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markrosewater · 27 days
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I can't speak for everyone still hung up on/asking about Nadu, but for me personally I think what has me still kinda put off by the response(s) I've seen is feeling like the answer is: "We're going to print broken cards sometimes, we can't test everything." Which, sure, maybe that's accurate. But it's also not very reassuring. Nobody has wanted to sniff at modern at the LGS this summer, Nadu had a big impact on this year of Magic in a bad way. And at a time where we're looking towards these ban explanations and blogatog answers it feels like we're being told: "there's not much we could have done better, this is an inevitably, any extra oversight suggested is unrealistic." Especially when the article explaining the process behind Nadu made it sound mostly like a single designer tweaking the card. Maybe that's the wrong impression, but it felt like a lot of one designer shouldering the weight of a mistake instead of feeling like this was an issue with or in the system that can be tweaked.
I do really appreciate all the responses you've had for what is undoubtedly a not very fun topic to keep getting into. I just also can see why some folks wouldn't feel the most satisfied by these answers which seem to mostly be "mistakes happen, and will keep doing so, there's little that could have prevented this one"
Whenever something slips through, we do a retrospective to figure out why and then we shore up that particular issue the best we can. The issue here isn't that we don't care that a mistake was made, or that having made it nothing will change. Our entire goal is to make a fun game and broken cards keep the game from being fun. The technology of designing Magic, like the game itself, constantly evolves.
My issue here is it's easy to armchair quarterback design and say, "You should have just done thing X and then this thing would never happen." I use my blog to give you a behind-the-scenes look at how we make Magic cards. It's a complex process with a lot of moving pieces, and the solutions to the problems are never as simple as they might appear.
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galene-gothic · 1 year
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𝖶𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝖾𝖺 𝗈𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎?
୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱
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˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES
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⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱
Some sort of an event happened in the past, that's what people are discussing. Whatever happened seems to have caused you a lot of confusion. I honestly feel like people were purposely trying to cause chaos in your life in order to have some drama in their lives. These people seem to either have been/are close to you or just a close witness to the situation. They're saying good things about you, they're talking about how you released your sorrow, resentment or just negative emotions in general. They're saying that you've left your past behind. I just heard 'this boy', I have no clue but the drama might have included some boy. They're saying that your motivation and enthusiasm are returning now. They're saying that you've accepted the situation. They're saying that you're choosing to focus on the positives of life. They're saying that back then you were trying your best to have a positive attitude towards life and make what you could out of it. They might have witnessed you crying or expressing your sorrow, anger or whatever on the verge of tears. They're talking about how you've grown out of it. They're saying that you've grown to respect yourself now and have a lot of courage. The people who put you in such a situation might've been victimizing themselves and might've successfully guilt tripped you to a certain extent but you seem to have recovered from the guilt. They're talking about your endurance and your morals. They are saying that your views have changed or seem to have changed. There's another group of people, likely the ones who made you go through such a traumatizing time. They're saying that you lack self-awareness. They're saying that you only care about yourself. They're saying that you've not accepted what you've done and believe that you've been falsely blamed. I'm getting that it's because while some of it was your fault.
The way they dealt with the situation and treated you was much worse plus they seemed to just need an excuse to criticize you when they weren't even that affected by the situation. People who had nothing to do with the situation might've gotten involved too. Like, supposing you dated your friend's crush, the whole friend group might've turned against you when it didn't even affect them at all. Some of you might've trouble regarding education, some of you might've been forced to drop out or dropped out on will too, for the rest, you're just having difficulties with your studies. People are talking about it. The people who legit pray for your downfall are saying that you have unrealistic dreams and plans. They're saying that you don't have realistic goals and lack the motivation and discipline to work on your career. Someone saying that you're not someone who wants to work solely for money, you're not the type to be like 'as long as I get money, I don't mind giving up on my dreams' or atleast that's what they think and are talking about. Whatever everyone is saying seems to be assumptions mostly. People from the past who know nothing about who you've grown to be. I'm getting some sort of a pause for you. Gap year from work, education or social media. People who literally have nothing to do with you are gossiping about how you lack direction in life. For those of you who aren't dropouts or are not taking gap years, you might give really vague answers when asked about what you wish to do in the future. You might say things like "I haven't thought much about it yet" or "we'll see" or you might be unsure about what field to study next and you might accept it and sometimes vocalise it "I am not sure what to take yet". People wait for you to post so that they can have something to discuss or make fun of. People from the past are slowly beginning to see that your perspective is changing and you're gaining enlightenment.
The tea here isn't about what they're saying, it's more about how fearful they are of your growth and how many people have their eyes on you. People who literally do not know you but know the people or one of the people who tried their best to traumatize you tend to follow you, your friends, your love interests, etc. just because they're obsessed with you. Like, these people went off to college in the same or different places while you could not afford it, their college mates and friends follow you, the guy you were seen hanging out with, etc. I'm getting a very karmic vibe here. I'm not sure what or when but them looking at you and talking shit about you is weighing them down and lifting you up, little by little. Things are rebuilding for you. You're independent and friendly and the new people in your life see that. You know, the first few days at a new school, college or work. If you're pretty, you realise that you're pretty because of the way people act towards you and the things they say. You might suddenly have those moments "maybe, I am even more attractive than I originally assumed". People are obsessed with you and watching you. They're trying to strategize your every move and keeping tabs on you. Someone here legit dreams about getting a revenge on you and some imagine being better than you, being chosen by someone over you. Even if people do not say that they're mad at you due to external validation from people, they make it obvious and they literally form bonds based upon their jealousy masked as hatred towards you. They're mad because of the support you receive from others. Some of these people regret it because they never imagined you actually leaving them and letting go of them completely. While, one of them was definitely praying on your downfall and still is, the rest, they were just trying to poke some fun to excite themselves. The tea is that people have so many different assumptions about you at this time because they have no clue as to what you're doing, who you're with, etc.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱
Some of you here are from Pile 1, someone here is praising you, they're saying that you're mature and grounded. I think that this is someone close to you because you actually do seem to be this way. They're saying that you're generous and social. They're saying that you're practical and care about material objects. They're saying that you have a good nature and intentions. They're saying that you're nurturing and emotionally intelligent. One hint as to who is praising you, it is someone you've talked to when you didn't do your routine or felt unproductive. You likely told them that you didn't get your work done that particular day and they likely told you that it's okay to have those days as long as you do not make it a habit. Some of you might be balancing between two or more different streams of income and they're saying that you are trying to harvest better time management skills. This person understands you very well, they're saying that you have a personality that is very balanced and traits that often contradict each other. You're the coldest warm person, warmest cold person, nicest mean person, meanest nice person, logical and emotional, etc. all at the same time. They're saying that you've gone through many ups and downs in life but always try to balance things out. They're saying that you try your best to keep your grace under pressure until you finally crack and burst.
They're also saying that you struggle with balancing though. This is definitely someone who knows you well. They saw you finally being able to mentally leave a situation. They're saying that you're releasing past hurts and pain. They're talking about your sense of independence and courage. They're so proud of you and your growth and they feel happy to be able to witness your growth. They're saying that you regained balance and control over yourself and your life again. This person has a lot of love for you. The connection between the both of you is likely platonic. This person really admires you for walking away or distancing yourself from past situations. You still seem to be healing though. They have a lot of faith in you. They're talking about your friendliness and ability to grow. They're saying that you're efficient and most likely will be successful in the future. This person knows that you felt used by people even if they do not speak about it. While, this person talks highly about you, there's someone else who's talking shit about you. They're saying that your relationships are very short lived and that you're superficial. They're saying that you're a bitchy person who has no friends (I'm getting that it's not like you cannot have friends, it's just that you don't have a lot of them or people extremely close to you right now.)
If you do, they're not aware of that, I'm getting that this person is likely making other people hate you along with them. If you guys had a break up, people are talking about that. There's a lot of gossip going around currently. This pile definitely seems to have had a falling out with friends or something. I just heard "if she's sad, she tries to drag your mood down too". You guys might have started your healing journey around children or are healing your inner child. Some of you have different projects that are helping you heal better. There's also a chance that some romance changed your perspective, people are not talking about it but it's kind of a confirmation for some of you. People are saying that you lack a vision for the future. They're saying that you do not have enough drive to go after your dreams and stay consistent. People are also talking about your failed long distance relationship. For some of you, it might've been just a situationship but they're not fully aware of that. A group of people are talking about how you've lost direction. They're saying that you'll get nowhere in the future, I just heard it's 'neighbourhood karens'. Someone is saying that you're going through an unrequited love. People are saying that you have blocked emotions and legit tell people not to talk to you so that you feel alone. They're saying that you hurt their feelings, made them sad and are exaggerating everything you've done to them even though they've done worse to you.
⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱
People are saying that you're a social climber. If you go to school or college, juniors are talking about how mean you are. People might even be slutshaming you behind your back. The funny part is that so many of you here are probably virgins. They're saying that you lack/lacked financial stability and stayed friends with people just for their money. People are saying that you're out of control. They're saying that you're obsessed with status and use people. People are also saying that you act like you don't need anyone. The person or people who are talking trash about you are people who are still crying over spilt milk, likely people from the past. Someone is talking about how you have large sums of money and are likely stealing money from others. If you went to a sleepover recently, the person might've lost some money and talked shit about you behind your back. These people tried their best to guilt trip you in the past and it did work for a while but it stopped working after a while. They're still blaming you for everything. I'm getting that people tend to feel lower than you and then act like you're the problem. You might have betrayed them or they might have betrayed or both. This is someone you trusted who let you down. You might have done something that hurt one person in the group and the whole group turned against you is the scenario I'm getting. You might have almost completely hid yourself away from the world. These people are not open to change, they take everything as a personal attack and are still the people that they were a few years ago. You, on the other hand are the type to grow every single day. I'm getting that for some of you, you used to talk shit about others with this person or group of people but as you started growing older, you started feeling like it didn't align with your personal values and you might have called them out.
Maybe, you just refused to talk shit about others but they were like "oh, you think you're better than us/me?" Let's just say that they failed to understand you but they fear you strongly. They know that you have a lot of hidden secrets, there are so many things that they're trying to figure out about your life. You've withdrawn and are silent but you are often not like this and they feel like you're going to come up with something in full force. You naturally attract attention even if unwanted and right now you do not want attention, you want peace but when you come out of this period of solitude, they don't know what's going to greet them. They were in your life for pretty long until you had a falling out, they were always confused when you entered those periods of solitude and jumped into conclusions but everytime they did that, you did something surprising so they're naturally confused when it comes to you and your life currently. Everytime they ignored your potential, you proved them wrong. They spread misinformation on you but well you have something you have been working on that they can pick up on intuitively and they're so curious and feel like when you do step out of the self isolation or whatever, you're going to be so big, they will not know what to do. However, some of them are trying to reassure themselves and the rest that you lack potential for any of that. They think that you might've hidden agendas against them. These people cannot let go of you, mostly because if one of them doesn't bring you up, the other does. You're rising above the problems and their bitchiness. You've realised how worthy you really are and you think that you've gotten over the worst already and they can pick up on it too. You do not give them the time of the day. Your life improved in some way after they left your life and they know that.
It could be anything, something as small as your first job or something as big as a successful business, however, either way you're ahead of them in some way, regardless of whether they accept it or not. You've let go and learnt from the past to a certain extent and you're trying to fully release, they feel like their fears will come true. Their biggest fear is you realising your worth and achieving success. The amount of resilience you have is something that they cannot deny. Some of you are taking a break from school, college or work, maybe it's been one or two years now, you're still growing something for yourself though. They know that you have an ability that they lack, self awareness and acceptance, you're very much the 'yes, what I did was wrong but I forgive myself' kind of person while they're the 'yes, everything is my fault' while denying everything and refusing to look into themselves and their actions. I just heard that you're on your way to become a ten. You know and manage to take time out when you burn out, they aren't like that. They're too scared of being behind in life even though something like that doesn't really exist. They're burnt out and not content. Their life is tiresome because of some routine, I just heard 'rat race'. You're taking a lot onto yourself and someone else is talking about how hard you are on yourself and appreciating your efforts. Some are talking about how beautiful, nurturing and respectful you are. You're growing, please continue doing so.
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comfortless · 6 months
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what's ur most unconventional Headcanon? like ones you have that most of the fandom doesn't agree with. mine is that I don't think h's 6'10, in my mind he's closer to 6'6 or 6'7. Also I don't think he would be the most caring bf 😶😶 like not abusive or anything, but to me he will almost always prioritize himself in the long run
HA… well….. i do not think any of mine are too strange! but i can not ever shush when someone has lent an ear to listen!!
warning for nsfw content, mentions of injury, and unhealthy relationship stuff below the cut.
i agree with you about his height. he’s significantly taller than Simon, but i would place him at 6’7”-6’8” max. i’m no health or military expert, but i do not think that he could do the work that he does efficiently if he were a complete Goliath. he would stand out so easily! and there are a slew of issues that can stem from someone being “too tall”. he probably doesn’t have the best posture, either.
i love the conventionally attractive, long-haired König headcanons, they’re fun! but ultimately… very, very unrealistic for my interpretation of König. i tend to side with Salome and Ghost when it comes to their takes on how he actually looks under the hood. his character description suggests that his face is scary, and judging by the game that he’s in, i do not think that the other operators are going to find some goth guy nor… Jim Boeven… to be worthy of such a rumor!
König’s face is always going to be a fluctuating thing for me, heavily dependent on the setting/time period i’m shoving him into or reading about. the thing that’s stuck with me however has always been facial scarring!! where he got it? who knows… i mentioned it on my headcanons post, but the cause is just as changing as his appearance.
i like the thought of him being a little different looking: crooked teeth, pockmarks, maybe a harelip or a broken nose, burn scars, something. maybe his hair is so light it simply looks as if he doesn’t have eyebrows. maybe a combination of all of those things! the less conventionally attractive the better, it’s not his face that had us scrambling from the rafters with our hearts in our hands, after all. though i am and always will be a glitched default face model König defender. it’s just so unbearably adorable to think of that soft, sad-eyed face making that much noise while he’s rushing around in battle. ):
and though i believe he would have the best intentions at heart… you are right, he is likely a very selfish lover. still hopelessly devoted and needy, but he would be the king of double standards. most decisions are made with his preferences in mind, and the bullying has stuck with him. König is insecure as hell when it comes to anything but his skills in killing or bashing through a door.
he likes the idea of you dressing up for him, but he’s also actively pulling up your dress/top to hide your cleavage if he even thinks another man may have glanced your way. yet… he will go to the gym shirtless, and if other women happen to ogle him, well it’s just fine because he didn’t notice them anyway.
you don’t like the house you’re living in when you move in together? well he does, you’re staying… he’ll just fix it up a little to better suit your needs. even if he screws up setting up a new counter or painting, that can all be fixed.
you want to go out with your friends? he should be allowed to come with you… spending time with you makes him happy. why wouldn’t you want him to come too? yet, when he wants time alone to focus on his aim, decompress with a book, or mess around with a vehicle or a house project, you’re expected to leave him be.
he’s too blunt about what he does for work, doesn’t bat an eye when he tells you he put a bullet through someone’s head and watched the spray. he’s so used to it, it doesn’t even faze him anymore, but… you don’t want to hear about it? oh that must mean you think he’s something filthy or worse. he’s not going to cry, but he might bring it up when you tell him about something you enjoy.
just ridiculous, petty things that would drive most up a wall, but he’s firm in whatever he decides. there’s always a little room for compromise, but not much without an argument.
he has his savings account and the house is in his name in case you decide to leave. it would gut him, of course, but a part of him also expects it.
he’s not above begging for you to stay, trying any way that he can to convince you, but… he’s never expected to have things handed to him easily. his childhood wasn’t the best, why would his adulthood be any better? the way he sees it is simple: he doesn’t hit you, his cock and heart are reserved solely for you, if you can’t love him enough to stay, then… maybe you’re not any different from the people he’s known before.
he’s self aware enough to know he can be a complete arschloch, thinks with his cock more than his brain, but he’s completely lost when it comes to matters like love. he wants to console you when you cry, when you’re angry, but asking you a dozen times just why you feel such a way while squishing you into a too-tight embrace doesn’t help much. his search history is filled with things like “why is my girlfriend mad at me” or “how to make a woman stop ignoring me”. his communication toward you isn’t great, but he tries in his own way. very easy to break an argument up when he tells you some silly, scripted thing like, “I’m here for you. I’m listening.” when under normal circumstances he’s staring at you with wide-eyes and swallowing hard the very second you seem a little ruffled. you tell him to stop reciting some guide he read online, and he’s immediately worried sick you’re going to think him a complete fool, in utter denial about ever having searched something like that up.
can’t see him as being god’s gift to women in the bedroom at all. König has probably watched a lot of porn. he doesn’t care for the scripted, practiced stuff, but his tastes have always been a little odd. the amateur, solo stuff is what piques his interest the most. he knows a vibrator can make a woman come, knows that a dildo can be nice too if she sets the pace. what he’s watched with a proper couple, well… the men are always smaller than him. the terms and dynamics are lost on him, he knows what a safe word is and that he should be a gentleman and make sure his partner finishes too, but each time that’s happened has been a miracle really. he’s not a virgin, but he’s never had a partner long enough to bother learning. if he can make you feel good and vice versa, that’s enough, right..?!
he’s not going to bludgeon you with his dick, he knows he’s a bit too big and thick to just fuck you recklessly, but often times he does get excited or fretful— too deep or too shallow, flicks your clit like it’s indestructible or keeps his head between your thighs waaay after you’ve already come. he’ll stop when you ask, when you’re teary eyed and overstimulated repeating the ridiculous German word he makes you use. not above begging you to use your hand on him instead, though…
switching positions is difficult if you’re a lot smaller than him. he’s not against having you on your knees, but he wants to be so close, pant into your ear about how good you feel, smother you with his weight all the while. missionary is a nightmare because he’s drooly and comes far too quickly when he can see your face and overpower you like this, cue further squishing even after he’s done; you’re likely going to be lying beneath him all night. cowgirl seems to work best, though he’s a bit too fond of having your tits so accessible - expect biting!!
when i try to think of König with any sort of hobby my mind just blanks. i think he would try a lot, but never stick to one thing! he’s got a few sporadic collections, but nothing he keeps up with to the same caliber as his guns and knives. books are often half-finished these days, keeping focused long enough to sit through a puzzle or the like is rare. definitely longs to have something for comfort that isn’t some winding trail to no where or suffocating you in himself to just have a hint of what it feels like to be entirely happy and ‘normal’.
he’s become a bit of an amalgamation of all of the things he liked as a child: knights with their swords he thinks of as his knives, deities with bolts of thunder cascading from their hands like the bullets from his guns, loves in the way he read men of myths fall in love - utterly unfathomably devoted but always the leader… if he could he would probably whisk himself and the object of his affection to another place entirely where he could be someone deserving: someone who’s loved despite the way that he looks or behaves, someone who’s never had to question what love was at all.
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a-d-nox · 7 months
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pac/pap: message from your past lover/crush
take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.
last pac/pap: message from your future spouse/partner
masterlist of pap/pac posts
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pile 1
you two couldn't be together because the universe was testing you both as to whether or not you were ready for a new level of relationship. the universe wanted to see if you could break old patterns - i sense that you both accomplished this test. now it is up to you both to make peace with your past relationships, so you can continue to welcome new energy into your romantic lives. if you are wondering why this person couldn't be here, it was because you both had different visions for the future. their's wasn't a shared common plan or even a solid foundation to keep you together through this part of life.
what they want to let you know is that they were too worried about status and reaching milestones (in life and romantically) to even try and slow down to enjoy a connection with you. they couldn't be in the moment and simply enjoy life - they were too in their head and they are sorry about it. they hope that you find the right relationship at the right time - just be patient and continue to take care of yourself.
staying together or trying to be together would have lead to delusions. things would not have been as they appeared. at first, things would have been too good to be true and quickly you would have learned why. rapid movement often leads to the fizzling out of emotions... too much good leads to a boring connection for a majority of people - you need some conflict to keep the connection interesting and evolving.
i feel like your unrealistic expectation for them was that they were ready to settle down and establish themselves. they weren't. you wanted them to be ready, and you were determined to believe that they were when they weren't. they weren't ready to be with you, you just wanted them to be ready.
its good you aren't together because someone exciting is going to be entering your life, perhaps via a friend. put yourself out there - participate in activities. you might meet them on a vacation, if that is coming up for you. be open to people who you wouldn't typically think of because you assume they will be temporary or that you would assume it would only amount to a fling with them.
what you learned from them was how to take a leap of faith and trust that the universe won't steer you wrong long term. you know now that you can't fear the unknown - everything is just lessons that are meant to expand your consciousness and present you with opportunities. everything that happens to you in the romantic sense is just a part of your personal and spiritual evolution.
the deck says that in 8 weeks or the fall is when you will be ready for the next chapter.
pile 2
you can't be together and you know exactly why. you are confident in yourself and you know your worth. you are worth much more than you were receiving. so it is time that you put yourself out there to meet new people - don't be afraid to show your vulnerability with new people. you need to be open about what you perviously experienced so that you can avoid repeated lessons and reasons for breakups. you latest crush/relationship was tore about you because they were intimidated by your intelligence and your effectiveness in communication was too much for them. they weren't mature enough to match your energy, so they likely ghosted you.
something they never got to say to you was that you shouldn't be as sure as you are. a person is never done learning. you might have came across as cocky and unwilling to understand their perception. there is something to learn in every situation and from every perspective - you just need to be open to do so.
if you tried to make the connection work, you would have lost your spunk. eventually, you would have found yourself incapable of being able to fully express yourself. you would have been incapable of finding joy, playing around, and even be present - you would have become too stoic and wrapped up in your unhappiness and incapable of having fun and laughing.
your unrealistic expectation was that you would never argue or have conflict with them - all relationships have conflict where both sides are heard. it is more about how you manage yourself than it is the fight itself. it helps you to evolve and learn each others triggers - to not fight is to remain ignorant of each other issues, triggers, etc. you want to have a relationship that grows and blossoms, then be open to arguments.
it's for the best that you aren't together because the connection moved too quickly. you both let your excitement of what could happen cloud the reality of the situation. i also sense that they were not just being pursued by you - they had several people's interest.
what you can learn from this experience is that a situation can change at any moment in time, so enjoy it while it lasts. let go of what out stays its welcome - whether it is behavior that is not right or dating patterns. you need to make space for new possibilities when your situation is starting to feel stale.
the deck says that in 5 days (or rather you should have been ready 5 days ago during the aquarius new moon when i was writing/editing this) or spring is when you will be ready for the next chapter.
pile 3
you couldn't be together because there was an imbalance in the connection. I sense that someone was a bit too codependent in this connection. they relied too heavily on their partner to fulfill their needs and had unrealistic expectation for the relationship. in order for any connection to world you have to be able to find your own happiness without depending on another person to provide you with this happiness you seek. someone was too greedy in this connection and someone was too hard on themselves because they tried to make the connection work for a very long time and it just wasn't working. someone cared about how they appeared together more than the other person did - perhaps they were a bit too self-centered. someone still needs to work on their generosity.
something they never got to say to you was that they love you. they truly loved you - they weren't ready to say it at the time but it is true. they really do wish you well. they hope you are happier now than you were with them. they hope you are out somewhere having fun and doing what you have always dreamed to. they also kind of hope that maybe someday you will reconnect with them and if it can't be romantic than at least you can be friends with one another.
this is a connection that had it coming; it just had to end. you both were not ready. you were in two very different places in life and two very different states of mind. you weren't ready for the connection to be what it was. you were both clinging to each other for a very different reason thus it had to end. it is okay they you don't reach out to them. hell it is okay, if you don't reach out to them for a long long time. they love you. they just know that you both need to start fresh and see what else is out there.
your unrealistic expectation of them was that your disputes/disagreements would move to some sort of resolution. you are both very different people and very different people have very different manners of dealing with things. you wanted to move forward and they didn't want to. you might have been an agree to disagree person, while they wanted you to see things from their point of view. one side was always unheard in the connection and it just strained the connection. there was no moving on - to expect that you could was silly in their eyes. perhaps one of your arguments crossed a line you weren't fully aware existed.
it's for the best that you aren't together because someone felt hesitant about taking action and moving forward with the relationship. you should never have to think about whether or not you want to be with someone - the second you have to wait for a moment and think means that you should be on your own to contemplate romantic partnership in general. there was a fear about timing and being out of the comfort zone that each of you knew romantically. passion alone is often not enough when it comes to a partnership.
what you can learn from this experience is that there is a disconnection between you and the other person in most of your relationships. it is okay to admit that too. perhaps you are someone who has a lot of faith that things will just work or one day they will be ready or one day they will commit. it is okay to have faith, but again, if you aren't connecting and hearing what the person is saying (for example, maybe they did tell you they weren't interested in committing to a relationship) then perhaps that is something to reflect on. don't give up - your partner is out there. in the meantime, listen to what others are saying and trust that they mean what they say. it is okay if the truth hurts - you have the power to heal.
the deck says that in 4 months or summer is when you will be ready for the next chapter or to reconnection with this person like I said earlier.
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chilli-talks-a-lot · 11 months
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How Prevent Gifted Kid Burnout From a Gifted Silly whose Fire is still Blazing with Rage
1. EVERYTHING IS STUPID.
School is stupid, parents with unrealistically high expectations of you are stupid, teachers who overwork you are stupid.
You don't need their approval. You don't need to impress authority to have worth.
You don't need to be perfect, especially not in a broken system.
Test scores aren't a measure of intelligence. You are smart, even if the material was difficult to grasp.
You're not "wasting your potential" if you decide to pursue a career you love. Create art, write music, perform, you're contributing to the beauty of the world. There's more value in that than most people see.
You're not "wasting your potential" if you're an adult who isn't busting their butt in college or a fancy job. The economy is fucked right now, and being an adult is hard. You're doing your best.
And sometimes, you can't be at your best all the time, but you're trying, and that's all that matters.
2. Don't let school ruin a passion for learning.
Just learn. Learn and love learning. Learn without school holding you down. Find your passions, and run after them. Pursue knowledge because it's fucking fun.
Research something you care about for fun, challenge yourself to learn how to complete that math problem, learn, not because you feel like you have to, but because you want to.
Never let school make you lose a love for learning.
3. They explain it more effectively than I can lol
I made a video game metaphor but, when I was finding the video that made me realize this I read another video game metaphor that explained it better, "So basically, as a gifted kid, I skipped the tutorial because it felt too easy. Then the actual game threw curveballs at me" (adorablehoe, 2nd top comment).
youtube
HealthyGamerGG's entire channel has great information
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