#i don't do it for the audience... it's just dedication to the bit at this point

[batsplat]

slskslsls context for “what’s the matter honey you’ve hardly touched your fleeting experience of your time on earth” 😭😭😭 tho I’m a little terrified to find out what that means lmfao. Also what race is the last one after?? Or I should say — what race comes next after the one in the last picture lol

(text posts here) I got another ask for 'fleeting experience'... so I'll leave that one for the next post. you've actually struck jackpot on the other one and the explanation got worryingly long. crazy how many thoughts you can have about a text post meme you're trying to just do in a nice and casual way

anyway!! THE LAST ONE I am delighted somebody picked up on. very pleased with that one icl, it's kinda a funny photo anyway for obvious reasons but it somehow just has an. extra little something. when you know the context

three readings of the text post should be kept in mind here - the element of 'watching your back', as in danger coming from behind; acts of betrayal of either explicit or assumed trust; and the element of issuing a warning to the recipient of the message

and the photo is from misano 2008!! specifically after qualifying, when casey snagged pole position and valentino starts from just behind him, second on the grid! which ALSO means it's two races!! after laguna!! great time

so to give you a basic sense of the chronology, you've had laguna, drama bla bla, tHEN you have the summer break followed by brno where casey showed up contrite, apologised to valentino... but the key element to that presser is that it's kinda... yeah, they're going peace and love, apology accepted etc etc - BUT on valentino's end he's very much making it clear that he thought laguna was FANTASTIC and casey should be expecting more of the same. just something for casey to keep in mind <3 so then you have the race itself at brno, where casey is leading relatively comfortably but valentino is starting to seriously catch him... and then casey crashes. which is obviously extremely not ideal psychologically. inevitably, a lot of people looked at that and thought he'd crashed because he was scared of fighting valentino again... and y'know, crash like that, there probably was an element of him pushing just a little too hard to maintain that gap. like I said. not ideal. especially because obviously this is making valentino's bloodhound senses prick up. like he's never going to leave you alone again if you do this, right

so that's where they're at headed into misano, which obviously has Extra Significance since it was valentino's home race. it had only returned to the calendar the year before and literally only because of valentino. dorna had vowed never to return to the circuit after the crash that ended rainey's career in 1993, before going 'oh shit' when they realised the most popular motorcycle racer of all time was born three minutes away from the circuit. that's why they go the wrong way round now and why the circuit kinda sucks, because that was basically their concession... you know, sure, they're going back to the circuit, but it's going the other way now!! as a way of pretending it was way safer now. except it hadn't exactly been a glorious homecoming for valentino in 2007. casey had won the race by a country mile while valentino had his ninety-eighth mechanical dnf in that 2006-07 span. this time, however, everything was different... casey's championship bid was now already looking shaky with the points gap after brno... if he was to still have any chance, he needed to have a good misano

but. well. he didn't. he crashed out of the lead again, this time an even more comfortable gap to valentino that vale probably wasn't going to breach. which meant that valentino got his fairy tale home win... and also made it three races in a row where casey had crashed either out of second place or out of the lead. in laguna, he had valentino right ahead of him when he went down - in brno and misano, he had valentino chasing him down. watch your back, because valentino is coming for you

I used a photo from misano 2008 in another text post edition, in a way that's a bit less strictly related to the text:

and what you'll see there in the background is casey's hand injury, which had flared up during the misano weekend and is a mitigating factor in this crash. I do want to properly properly delve into this in a future laguna post because this stretch of races is honestly FASCINATING to me. it's just an overload of narrative juice... you've got the reality, which is uncertain, you've got valentino's adept authorial hand, which provides you with a narrative that is painfully easy to believe. you've got casey fighting internal and external demons - because even if valentino didn't make him crash, of course three in a row starts looking awfully suspicious. like, can we just take a moment to appreciate the crazy psychological implications of what is going on between the two of them here (from after brno):

The biggest question of all, though, hangs over the reason for Stoner's crash. After the race, the champion had no explanation, saying that the front just went away too quickly for him to catch, as he had done several times previously during the race. But losing the front end is a return to Casey Stoner's old habits, a trait he displayed pushing too hard on the third-rate Michelins he was forced to use in his first year in MotoGP. And after his crash at Laguna Seca, it's hard not to draw the conclusion that Stoner succumbed to the pressure. Last year, Casey Stoner seemed almost unassailable and completely impervious to any pressure Valentino Rossi, Dani Pedrosa or anyone else tried to put on him. But this year, he has occasionally shown signs of weakness, such as when he ran off the track twice at Jerez. More worryingly, the Australian has previous form in this area. In 2005, at his home Grand Prix, he threw away his chance of becoming 250cc World Champion by crashing out of the lead. Stoner has come a long way since then, grown a little older and gained a great deal of maturity. But his crash at Brno puts a dent in his image as Mr Perfect. Did Stoner crash as a result of the pressure Rossi had put on him? Was it because he feared getting caught up in another race-long battle like Laguna Seca, and pushed too hard when he saw Rossi closing? Or was it just one of those things, a mistake all riders make? The jury is still very much out, and it will take more than just his crash at Brno to prove the case one way or another. The next race, though, will be crucial. Valentino Rossi will arrive at Misano, a track just a few miles from his home town, hoping to take his 68th victory in the premier class. This would see him tie the record for most wins with another Italian, the legendary Giacomo Agostini. It would also allow him to wipe away the humiliation of his exit from last year's race, when the first outing of Yamaha's pneumatic valve engine ended in mechanical disaster. Finally, it would mean he had taken a win at every track the MotoGP circus currently visits. It is impossible to overestimate just how much Valentino Rossi wants to win at Misano. There is a huge amount at stake, and he will not let any man stand in his way. There can be no doubt that Rossi believes that the mental pressure he is placing on Casey Stoner is working, and at Misano, The Doctor will be dishing out more of the same medicine. How Casey Stoner responds will be the measure of him as a racer, but also as a man. If you thought Laguna was big, and Brno even bigger, just wait till we get to Misano.

ahhhhh GOD fskjdhjkhdsf PAINFUL this is PAINFUL knowing what happens next

here's them actually shaking hands after misano qualifying, rather than valentino just... uh, patting him:

third race in a row where casey was on pole and valentino started p2 like they were locked tf in

and then you have the horrors of the race:

Unlike Brno, though, there didn't seem to be an obvious explanation. In the Czech Republic, Stoner was only a second ahead of Rossi, and had just seen the Italian take 3/10ths out of his lead. At Misano, Stoner was comfortably in the lead, and looked able to parry anything Rossi could throw at him. After the race, two theories were popular. The first was that the pain from Stoner's broken scaphoid had caused him more problems than he would admit to. This was plausible, as the pain was particularly bad in some right handers, where Stoner was having to push on the bars to get the bike turned. The second, and most popular among those clothed in yellow, was that Valentino Rossi's voodoo had worked its magic once again, and Stoner had crumbled under pressure. But the evidence for this is thin at best, as Stoner was matching Rossi lap for lap, held a comfortable 3 second lead, and had run 0.6 seconds faster during free practice on race tires. Stoner himself put his crash down to a strange feeling with his front tire. The team had elected to scrub the tire in during the morning warm up, and Stoner told journalists that the heat cycling from running hot on the bike to cooling slightly under tire warmers had changed the right-hand side of the tire, and made it lose some of its grip. They had scrubbed the tire in so that Stoner could push hard from the outset, with the pain in his wrist leaving him little appetite to fight his way forward through the pack. Whatever the reason, be it injury or sorcery, the outcome was the same. Coming into Misano, Casey Stoner was 50 points behind Valentino Rossi, and with a big hill to climb if he wanted to keep hold of his title. With no score from Misano, the hill was likely to turn into a mountain.

be it injury or sorcery!! and it's really really REALLY key to this whole narrative that for all three races, there ARE extenuating circumstances that explain why casey crashed... like, there's no definitive PROOF that valentino's pressure did the trick. but it went against casey all three times!! it's this hellish dynamic, right, where again - if you're casey, sure, you can absolutely rationally present your arguments for how you just got kinda unlucky. but somehow everything just kept working out in valentino's favour, and it all started out with that awful race at laguna. see this misano preview:

The most likely candidate to rain on the Italian's parade is Ducati's Casey Stoner. Like his predecessor before him, the reigning World Champion is finding the #1 plate heavier than expected, and is now 50 points, or two whole race wins, behind Rossi in the title race. The remarkable thing about this is the fact that Casey Stoner is clearly the fastest man in the world at the moment. Ever since Barcelona, Stoner has been the fastest man in practice, taking pole in the last 6 races, and often leading the rest of the field by well over half a second. The reigning champ has also won 3 of the last 5 races, and was seemingly on his way to sweeping the rest of the races, winning three on the bounce at Donington, Assen and the Sachsenring. During practice at Laguna Seca, Casey Stoner was looking his old, unstoppable self again.

it is KEY that when casey says after laguna that he's faster than valentino, he is right!! casey extends that six pole streak to SEVEN at misano, which is kinda crazy of him given the quality of the opposition. valentino in turn goes on a five race win streak without being the fastest rider for at least three of those races!! it's got to be one of the wilder achievements of his career, again given the quality of his opposition. and it must make you genuinely homicidal if you're casey

which is how we get to some of my favourite passages in motogp writing. again from the misano race write-up:

If you just look at the result of the San Marino Grand Prix, you could easily believe that fairy tales do come true. By coming to his home race and equaling a record which had achieved almost mythical status, at a track just a few miles from the town he grew up in and where he has returned to live, Valentino Rossi made us believe once again that MotoGP is a story, a tale written by an expert storyteller. Casey Stoner's fall, crashing out while in the lead for the 2nd time in a row, added more credence to this belief, with many seeing Rossi's invisible hand behind Stoner's mistake. They were careful to give it a rational explanation, blaming it on Rossi's mind games, or the pressure Rossi put on Stoner, the more adventurous and imaginative putting it down to Rossi's voodoo, referring back to tales of dolls which Rossi was alleged to have of Max Biaggi and Sete Gibernau. The human impulse to impose a single, coherent narrative on a chain of events proved irresistible, as always. Yet this impulse could be telling a story which is not there. Rossi's victory at Misano, though impressive, was anything but inevitable, and anyone putting money on the Italian would have got good odds on Sunday morning before the race. And though Casey Stoner's crash certainly gave reason to suspect that Stoner had been under pressure, the evidence that it was a direct and inevitable result of pressure from Rossi is flimsy at best. Casey Stoner's modus operandi has always been simple: to get away if he can, and to run the fastest rhythm possible to the end, winning by as big a margin as possible. In this light, Misano was no different. After all, it's not just during the race. The reigning world champion usually manages to hit the top of the timesheets within 2 or 3 laps of hitting the track for free practice, smashing lap records a few laps later. So for Stoner to be pushing hard from the start is hardly a surprise. What is a surprise is that Stoner has made two mistakes in a row, depriving himself of a possible 50 points in the process. This could just be a factor of Stoner stepping up the pace as he goes in pursuit of ever faster laps, or it could be a response to Valentino Rossi being able to match Stoner's pace. But to attribute it directly to the kind of panic which Rossi managed to instill in Max Biaggi or Sete Gibernau is to go a little too far. Rossi is famous for his mind games, and an absolute master at them, but so far, Stoner has seemed impervious. Whether that invulnerability to Rossi's pressure is over remains to be seen.

isn't this just FANTASTIC. this is crack for rivalry lovers. this is what it's all about. and again, all of the logical explanations for casey's crashes are probably the CORRECT ones - certainly more correct than the ones blaming it on valentino sticking pins into a doll of casey (god I love this sport). but it almost doesn't even matter!! because valentino's still somehow gotten his way. he's flexed those authorial muscles and everything just SOMEHOW happened to work out for him. and it's the worst possible way things could have gone for casey, who is now unsurprisingly very much facing the mentally broken allegations

honestly insane respect to casey for his resilience, because if this happened to me I do think there's a decent 50% chance you would never hear from me again. like yeah I get why valentino has a reputation for breaking people, can you IMAGINE how horrendous it is to go through everything related to laguna AND THEN have these two follow-up races?? strangling valentino isn't enough, you'd want to throw him off a cliff. strangle him and THEN throw him off a cliff

and in the end, obviously valentino didn't permanently break casey. though.... I will still get into this in more depth, but I also don't think these two races can be disconnected from how laguna was SUCH a turning point in casey's narrative, to the point where it reads as quite traumatic. it's a horrible stretch of time!! it's not just the race being bad, but then afterwards it feels like casey's constantly trying to flee the repeat and... it just all goes horribly wrong. and maybe valentino had nothing to do with that! but everyone's still thinking it and casey knows it and so does valentino and casey knows that valentino knows it and maybe he's also asking himself... and it's always at risk of summoning up old doubts, of old sprees of crashes he thought he'd put behind him, like 2006, like phillip island 2005 where he handed the title to dani. you don't get over those emotions easily

anyway, that's what this text post was inspired by: 'many seeing rossi's invisible hand behind stoner's mistake'. you've got this initial element of betrayal, where valentino completely flipped the script at laguna - essentially rewrote the dynamic of that rivalry in a single race, and in doing so violated what casey had thought were the acceptable terms of conflict. laguna does not work without being a massive surprise (see here)... it's valentino catching casey off guard, making casey feel like a fool... there is a little bit of an undercurrent of betrayal there TO ME. and then you've got valentino always lurking behind his rivals, silently prompting them to make a fatal error... mr perfect who had been so immune to any pressure from behind, until valentino had found new ways of tormenting him. and now valentino just reminding casey again and again and again... promising him that this is what casey will have to deal with if he wants to fight valentino. it all started at laguna - where valentino blindsided casey, woke the entire sport up out of absolutely nowhere, suddenly escalated the hostilities without any prior warning. and from then on, valentino was never going to let casey forget that lurking danger. valentino will never leave casey alone

[orionsangel86]

I watched X-Men 2000 tonight. Yup the Deadpool and Wolverine brain worms got me - at least for a little while - so I figured I'd rewatch the old movies that I havent seen in over a decade and have basically forgotten entirely at this point.

You know what really stunned me? Even more than the slow pace, serious tone, actual dedication to telling a coherent and interesting story with layers of meaning and social commentary attached to it, as well as a sincerity that's been missing from most superhero films since the MCU was born (thanks Josh Whedon).

Nope, what shocked me most was this:

This is a perfect specimen of a man. Look at him. He's gorgeous. But look at his chest? His arms? He's muscular, he's pretty well toned, he's hairy. He's definitely got a six pack - but it's nicely covered by a healthy layer of fat. His skin is plump, he has a bit of squish to him. He'd probably be great to hug (Jean Grey certainly gives him a good squeeze lol).

When he sits down he looks like his stomach will roll just nicely. Like a stomach should.

I know my point here is obvious. It's just that scrolling the Deadpool and Wolvering tag is basically 50% "oh they definitely fucked in the Honda Odyssey" (yes lol) and the other 50% is just horny posting over Wolverine's topless scene like the entire site suddenly adopted Deadpools horny brain.

I gotta give props to Hugh Jackman for his dedication to turn himself into an actual comic book character - because that's what this new movie does. It gives us a comic accurate Wolverine in practically every way (except for his height lol) the suit is amazing, the cowl was a joy to see brought into live action. The body too though was straight out of a comic book artists male power fantasy.

What I wanted to emphasise was that this:

Is extremely tough on the human body. What I wanna know is how long he starved and dehydrated himself for before filming this scene? How long before they shot this did he last drink some water? Because damn that must have been tough. The oil and the lighting probably help further emphasise the muscle, vein, and sinew definition. It's probably similar to how body builders prepare before a show.

Nothing about body building is healthy though. So in the coming weeks as the whole entertainment industry rides on the coat tales of this movies success, and everyone goes crazy over Hugh Jackmans physique, please don't feel pressured into thinking that his 2024 physique in the movie is remotely realistic - or realistically attractive. Like I get the fantasy sure, but come on. I'd personally rather lie on a cushioned bed than a concrete floor.

Deadpool may disagree with me, but he's a masochist lol.

Oh and whilst I stand by the shade I threw at the MCU above, I think Wolverine's different physiques in the movies is a good standard of comparison for how much superhero movies have changed. Because when superhero comics first started getting adapted I think a lot of the choices made were about how to bring them to live action realistically and believably and the attitude was to try not to make them look ridiculous. The first X-Men movies definitely do this.

It was about bringing the comics to life in a way that fit in our world. But over the years, as audiences got more and more used to comic book movies the movies became more and more like comic books and less like a realistic adaptation of a comic book. Does that make sense? So as the movies attempted to bring the comics to life in a way that was less realistic and more comic accurate, the demands on the actors to sculpt their physiques to meet the standards of comic book art became normalised.

I think Deadpool and Wolverine is the MOST comic book accurate of all superhero movies made in the past 2 decades. Half the time the images from the movie look like they could be literally pulled from the pages of the comic books. The story is convoluted and stupid, the plot is barely there and is full of gaping plot holes and elements that don't fit any past stories. The action is ridiculous, extremely fast paced, gratuitous, and violent to a hilarious level. But it's so entertaining, joyful, exciting, and laugh out loud hilarious throughout.

It reminded me a LOT of my attempts at reading through the Deadpool comics (I've read a lot of them but no where near all of them).

To sum up this rambling message with multiple points, I'll say that Deadpool and Wolverine is a really fun movie that I thoroughly enjoyed, but make no mistake there is nothing real in it at all. It is almost literally a comic on screen. Don't expect anything more than that and you'll enjoy the experience.

[txttletale]

for those in the audience who don't play mtg, could you elaborate on what aspects of the card's design/interaction with the rules makes beans such a pain in the ass?

(we're talking about this cunt)

right, basic info first: in magic the gathering, you can't cast spells for free like in yugioh, nor do you gain mana each turn like in hearthstone. you need to play 'lands', which are cards that do nothing except tapping for mana so you can play your other cards. by default, you're limited to playing one land per turn from your hand, but certain spells and abilities (collectively called 'ramp', after rampant growth) let you circumvent this limit.

so: beans draws you a card when you play a card that costs five mana or more. it's designed to reward playing ramp-heavy big-mana strategies (the blue/green archetype for wilds of eldraine limited) by providing a payoff for cards that are normally weak because of how much investment they need--cards that cost a lot of mana either need to come down comparatively late in a match or need you to spend your first few turns ramping while your opponent is free to punch you in the face repeatedly. so beans is printed as a support piece to the WoE ramp archetype, seems sensible.

the problem is, this isn't how it's actually shaken out in constructed play, because there's a lot of cards in standard right now that ''cost'' five mana but have significant discounts stapled on. the most egregious example being the interaction between overlord of the hauntwoods and the domain mechanic (represented here by leyline binding)

so, you have beans out. you cast overlord of the hauntwoods for its 'impending' cost -- despite only paying 3 mana, you've technically "cast a spell with mana value 5", so beans draws you a card. because overlord creates a token with every basic land type (there are five basic land types), you can now cast leyline binding for an eyewateringly cheap one mana -- but again, beans doesn't care about how much mana you actually spent, just what the mana cost printed on the card is.

so if it sticks beans, the domain/overlords deck (where bean is by far the most problematic, although there's more niche archetypes like simic terror/crab where it plays a role) ends up in a situation where nearly every card in its deck is a cantrip (mtg term for a spell that draws a card when you cast it, therefore replacing itself). this negates the biggest downside of these greedy bomb-filled types of decks in that it makes it nearly impossible for the domain player to run out of resources. the only way to beat domain is to go under it.

okay, so--stop them from sticking beans, right? it is very easy to destroy enchantments, there's even some really good modal enchantment removal in standard right now so you don't have to fully dedicate a mainboard slot to what could be a dead hand:

here's the thing, though: there's two things about beans that make this an inadequate solution. #1 is that it only costs two mana, and the beans player can start going card positive on it the turn after it comes down. to answer this efficiently you have to destroy it the turn it comes down or the turn after. but the thing is, the best non-domain decks (esper pixie, rx mice) are playing cheap, impactful, synergistic creatures--casting a 2-mana spot removal piece on turn 2 or 3 is a serious setback to their gameplan. and the worst part of all: even if you do that, you're left behind, becaues beans replaces itself.

this is the part that i personally think makes it such a huge problem card: the seemingly innocuous bit of text that says up the beanstalk draws a card when it enters. cards are the most valuable resource in magic. you can have all the mana in the world and it doesn't matter if you don't have cards to play with it. having more cards than your opponent ("card advantage") is a serious boon that makes you significantly more likely to win--the more cards in your hand, the more likely you're holding answers to their threats and game-winning threats of your own.

so let's say that you and the beans player both have, i dunno, six cards in hand. they play beans and draw a card. you pawpatch formation it on their end step. the end result of this exchange is that the boardstate is the exact same but they have six cards in hand and you have five! this is what makes beans feel so oppressive imo, that even answering it immediately starts slipping you into the chokehold of snowballing resource advantage that defines the overlord/domain decks

tldr: it is pushed just that little bit too much to take it from a must-answer play to a play that is essentially unanswerable unless you've got your hearthfire/manifold/monstrous rage/turn inside out combo ready to pop next turn

[fluffyficsanddreams]

The Morning After

A/N: i have tried so desperately to write a fic you have no idea. my motivation has been toast lately, especially life is currently beating the ever loving shit out of me. it's okay though, because i wrote this! also i kind of forgot Blind Al, whoops... let's just say they're living in their own apartment lol

Summary: After a long night of confessions and intimacy, Wade rouses in the morning feeling rejuvenated and ready for a day of shenanigans. Logan, however, does not share this sentiment and would prefer to lay in... so Wade has to find other methods to get him up.

this fic contains (sfw) tickling and mentions of sex/swearing. if you don't like it, don't read it 🫶

dedicated to @lovemybluebully for giving me the motivation to finally finish this!!!

Wade hadn't woken up to a morning this peaceful in a very long time.

The merc blearily blinked open his eyes to dawn sunlight pouring in through the crack in the haphazardly closed curtains, shining into the small bedroom. He reached up to rub his eyes, turning to sit up a bit, opening his eyes to see both his own clothes and his roommate's scattered about the room.

He turned his head to the left, looking down at the sleeping man who was laying on his stomach, arms underneath the pillow, face turned to the side—none other than the Wolverine himself, currently wearing nothing but boxer shorts underneath the blanket, which Wade just remembered he was also in.

Wade let out a soft huff and smiled a little, recalling the previous night's events—it was a blur of passion and heat, and the memories were both blurry and crystal clear. It was a night he'd promised himself he would never forget.

Wade decided to lay back down for a few minutes, laying on his side to face the still-sleeping Logan, admiring his features softened by slumber. He reached out with one hand, gently running his fingers through Logan's messy scruff and up to his hair, lightly rubbing his fingertips into his scalp.

Logan let out a small noise in his sleep, lips twitching into a slight smile. Wade didn't know if he was imagining things, but he swore he saw Logan lean up into his touch just a tiny bit. The mere idea of the gruff man enjoying his presence enough to lean into his touch, in his sleep, was enough to make Wade melt.

However, it didn’t melt him enough to hinder the energy he had—he hadn't had a night so amazing in a long, long time, and that was the best sleep he'd gotten in a hot minute. He felt great! There were so many things he could do—beat up some thugs, save a couple randoms, do general Deadpool things.

Alright, Wade decided. First task of the day: wake up the Wolverine.

The first tactic he tried was leaning forward, close enough that he could feel Logan's breath on his face. He leaned in and started littering little kisses all over his face, being slightly more aggressive than normal in an attempt to rouse the man.

Logan's face only scrunched up a bit in response, lips twitching into something that somehow managed to look like a frown of protest and a reluctant smile at the same time. In short, it was absolutely fucking adorable—however, Logan wasn't rousing. As much as Wade wanted to squeal at the expression on his face, it wasn't working, and he had to try something else.

Wade had to give his new idea some thought for a moment before he decided to try it.

"Logan," he called softly, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle shake. "Peanut. It's time to get up, we've got places to be, things to do, things to—"

"Mmmhh..."

Wade blinked, watching as Logan groaned and rolled over onto his back, lifting one arm to cover his eyes with his forearm.

"...It's too early... let me sleep..."

Ugh. Old man.

Wade gave a roll of his eyes, poking gently at Logan's chest.

"Come oooon. We've got stuff to do today, audiences to appease—(he gave a wink to the camera)—and I'm definitely not gonna do any of it without you," The merc argued, leaning to place another kiss to Logan's cheek, hoping to be so sweet that Logan gave in—but no, of course not. This is the Wolverine we're talking about.

Although the man let out a slight huff and his lips nearly twitched into a smile, he said nothing and instead let out an argumentative grumble.

Wade rolled his eyes and huffed. His sweetness wasn't working... what else could wake up a Wolverine...?

...

Lightbulb.

Stupid idea? Yeah. Was Wade doing it anyway? Hell yes.

His hand moved to place itself on Logan's chest, soothingly rubbing along his muscles, feeling them relax underneath his touches. He had to stop himself from squealing at the fact that he trusted him enough to do that and focus on the task at hand.

His hand wandered down to Logan's side, lightly and gently tracing up and down the bare skin. He went about halfway up his ribcage before he went down, stopping at his waist before turning around again. The touch was loving, but it had hidden motives behind it, which was quite clearly having an effect on his victim—er, lover.

Logan gave a couple twitches, the arm that was covering his face lowering to instead protect his side. His lips twitched into a smile, letting out a huff of protest through his nose.

"Wade... dohon't..." He warned, eyes still closed, too sleepy to do much else.

Wade only smiled, chuckling lightly. He shifted, holding Logan's side with one hand while he laid himself down on top of him, chest pressed to Logan's lower abdomen. Wade gently pressed his fingertips into the gruff man's lower ribs, causing him to flinch and let out another small noise of protest.

"C'mon, Wolvie, I just wanna loooove you," Wade cooed, crawling his fingers slowly and gently up Logan's ribs, digging lightly into the spaces in between them.

Logan squirmed around a little, too sleepy to hold back all his laughs like usual. He just let the giggles slip through, tilting his head back, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth.

"Heheheehee... noho, Wade, stahahop it... 's toohoo early..."

Wade responded with a soft gasp, smile ever-present as he lightly tickled at his ribs, moving to the middle ones now.

"Are you implying I can tickle you later? Gladly, my sugar baby darling! I would love to!"

Logan shook his head in response, giggling his head off and taking an uncoordinated swat at one of Wade's hands.

"Nohoo, thahat's not whahat I mehEANT! Eeehehee, nohohohooo, stahpit! Nahot there!"

Logan cut himself off with his own squeak as Wade's fingers crawled their way up to his upper ribs, digging his fingertips lightly into the bottom of his underarm area.

Wade only beamed affectionately at the laughing man beneath him, letting out a dreamy sigh at the big smile that split his usually tense face. The wrinkles that gathered at the corners of Logan's eyes were absolutely adorable, not to mention the way he wasn't even fighting. He knew Logan craved the gentle, loving touches too much to even consider fighting against them.

Wade couldn't believe Logan was so fucking perfect. From his adorable laughs, to his warm smiles, to the threats that he only made to try and keep up his tough guy demeanor, to the way he pretended as though he didn’t care about Wade but held him with such gentle hands, caressed his scars like they were the most precious things in the world...

Wade couldn't believe it. He was so stupidly amazing, it almost made him sick.

He was brought back to reality by Logan giving a loud snort, then realizing his fingertips had dug into his armpits a little harder than he'd been intending. Granted, he was capable of tickling Logan until tears streamed down his cheeks and he could barely breathe—but he didn't want that right now. Surprisingly. Wade just wanted Logan to relax a bit, let out the laughter he always tried so hard to hide.

"Aww, is that spot too tickly for you?" Wade cooed, leaning down to press a quick, playful peck to Logan's exposed throat.

He moved his hands down to Logan's lower sides, gently running his fingers along his upper abdomen, very gently digging into the flesh and vibrating his fingertips around.

Logan reacted with more giggling, shaking his head, lightly kicking out his foot to try and get rid of the energy in his body.

"Ahahahehehee... sss—seriously—ehehehe...! Stop ihihihit! I'm toohoo tired fohohor thihis shihihiiit..."

Wade tilted his head to the side, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes, his smile widening across his face.

"No, thank you. I think I'll keep going, actually. Besides, I haven't gotten to eat up my fill of your yummy belly!"

Logan's head immediately shot up, the sleepiness instantly replaced by panic.

"No! Noho! Wade, I'm wahaharning you—don't you dahahare! I'll fuhucking behead you—!"

Logan cut himself off, bracing himself for the intense tickles that Wade usually unleashed upon him by nibbling at his stomach—but it didn't happen that way.

Wade leaned down and started peppering quick little kisses all over Logan's belly, which had grown a bit fuller now that he had moved in with Wade and started eating properly for the first time in years. Logan had complained, grumbling that he looked pudgy, but Wade thought it was the most endearing thing in the entire world and absolutely loved to show the other man how much he loved it—especially by doing this.

The tickly little kisses made Logan shake his head a bit and burst into an instant fit of strong giggles, a smile spreading across his face so wide that his sharp canine teeth stuck out. He didn’t fight it, though, not in the slightest. He just squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head back into the pillow, laughing and giggling and letting it happen.

He still had to try a little bit, though. Just for appearance's sake and all that.

"Waaahahahade! I'll ffff—fuhuhuckin' stab yohoouuu! Stahahap it! Get off of mehehehee!"

"Stab me?!" Wade echoed, gasping theatrically with fake hurt.

"I thought you had gotten over that by the end of the movie! You're relapsing! I need to get that out of you..."

Wade drew in a breath and planted his lips right on Logan's navel, blowing a light and gentle raspberry there to really drive home his point.

Logan let out a squeal, much to his own dismay, kicking out his feet as wild laughter bubbled its way out of his chest, squirming around underneath the playful attack.

"Noooohohoho! No! Nohohot thahahaaat! Pfffwahahahade!"

Thankfully for Logan, his crazy boyfriend was feeling merciful, so he got to catch his breath when Wade lifted his head from his stomach.

The merc smiled as he watched the flushed man underneath him heave for air, his smile lines etched deeply into his face, eyes slowly opening to reveal sparkles of joy that Logan would never admit to feeling.

Wade shimmied his way up Logan's front so that he was just below his face, laying almost chest-to-chest. He planted an affectionate kiss on the tip of Logan's nose, beaming down at him as he composed himself.

"Feeling awake now?"

Logan only chuckled and shook his head fondly, letting out a long sigh and leaning his head back against the pillow.

"I guess so... still too early to get up, though. Jus' lemme lay here for a bit... my fuckin' bones hurt..."

Wade let out an amused huff of air through his nose, one hand coming up to run through Logan's facial hair absentmindedly.

"Sometimes I forget how damn ancient you are. Not that I'm complaining. I love dilfs."

Logan let out a snort, lifting his head a little to adjust the pillow underneath it so that he could lay back against it and still be able to see Wade.

"Ya sayin' you love me?"

"Yup. I'm confessing my love to you, right here and right now, angel baby. Don't leave me hanging!"

Logan let out a fond breath, leaning forward to press a brief kiss to Wade's lips, to which the latter smiled and leaned into it.

"...Yeah, yeah...

...I love ya too."

[masochist-marmot]

Sherlock & Co has good neurodivergent representation

I've been listening to a podcast called Sherlock & Co, and it has probably my favourite modern-day representation of Sherlock as a character. They chose to make Sherlock explicitly neurodivergent, and the proper representation fixes a lot of the issues I have with modern Sherlocks (looking at you BBC Sherlock, but also House).

He's not an asshole just for the sake of it. He doesn't lack empathy, and he genuinely cares about his friends and values human life. People aren't just a game to him. He's got trouble recognising and understanding social cues, so he comes off as rude, but he's not above apologising when it's pointed out to him. He can come off as arrogant or pompous when he gets in the zone, but it doesn't come from a place of perceived superiority. He can and will admit to being wrong. Sure, he also likes showing off, but that's the thing. He's a full, rounded human. And the show does an excellent job treating him as such. The characters close to him usually cut him some slack because of his neurodivergency, but they don't coddle him. He's expected to take accountability for his actions.

As for his relationships, this might be the only representation (modern or otherwise) of Sherlock and Watson where I fully buy into their close friendship. Because Sherlock doesn't treat Watson as a tool or someone he can show off to. He fully values Watson as a friend, and also relies on his medical expertise, people skills and pop culture knowledge. Early on he often asks Watson for his observations and deductions, and then explains his own thought process. It's clear that this isn't to shame Watson but to teach him (and the audience), to get him in on the deductions. We are shown that they value each other, not just told (which might be weird to say about an audio-based medium, but you know what I mean). And it doesn't make me constantly wonder why Watson even hangs out with this guy who clearly doesn't care about his feelings.

The show also gives Sherlock other neurodivergent traits like stimming, sensory issues, hyperfixations and rigid behavioural patterns, but they don't really become a focus at any point. It's just nice that they are acknowledged and presented as something that Sherlock needs to manage. It's also nice to have a Sherlock who knows a lot about very specific things but little about others (and also didn't do well at school because of it). He's not some supergenius with an unlimited brain capacity, he's just very dedicated to his interests and very indifferent about things that don't interest him.

Just to briefly touch on other aspects of the podcast, it's a pretty good modern-day adaptation. The cases are adapted and modernised pretty seamlessly, and they leave some room for the listeners to make their own guesses. I like the meta element of the podcast we're listening to representing the in-universe crime podcast Watson is making. And Mrs Hudson is replaced by Mariana, who starts working for their detective agency and is an absolute sweetheart.

Anyway, I wish we had more neurodivergent representation like this. All you need is a little bit of research, empathy and/or experience with neurodivergent people.

[shsl-hubris-guy]

In-Depth Character Analysis On All The DR Characters Because What, Are You Gonna Try And Stop Me? Who Are You, My Mom? Yeah, I Didn't Think So- Part 1: Kiyotaka Ishimaru

Yes, I'm aware the title is ungodly long, it's called comedy. Behold, a series inspired by my overwhelming hubris! Despite my better judgement, I love this series and (almost) every single one of its characters, so I decided to do this little series of posts on the side, just cuz!

So part 1 of like, 88 I think?, going through the characters from THH, DR 0, SDR2, UDG, DR3, and DRV3 with as much objectivity as possible, analyzing their character using only canon material from the games/anime/novel/canon adaptation they're present in. So sit back and enjoy while I go feral! Or just scroll, if you aren't interested. Whatever works for you.

Part 1- Character Design

Kiyotaka Ishimaru is depicted as a very aggressive honors student, and is shown as such through his very expressive facial features and his choice of clothing. He has large eyebrows and big eyes, and is given a uniform meant to make him look more like a soldier, reflecting his rigid dedication to the rules and his ethics. This uniform also includes an armband meant to signify his authority within the class as Hall Monitor and as the unofficial class rep. His sprites are very animated, with big gestures using his arm(s) and his mouth often wide open, whether in a wide smile or while yelling. This makes him one of the more expressive characters in THH specifically, as most of those characters are pretty restrained on a day-to-day basis and only become more exaggerated when put under high levels of stress.

Something interesting about Taka is that his talent changes from the original Japanese to the English translation. His official talent is the SHSL Public Morals Committee Member, meaning his original talent was that of discipline and social order. This was translated to Ultimate Moral Compass in English, as most western schools don't have a Public Morals Committee. This change in translation unintentionally shifted the perception of his talent from discipline to morality. This change in distinction has had a bit of a negative impact on the Western perception of his character, as rather than appearing to impose order on the other students, it instead appears at the beginning as though we, the audience, are supposed to view him as a beacon of morality. We're not.

Part 2- Character Introduction

Taka is one of the first characters to actually speak to Makoto directly, berating him for being late on the first day of school, despite the fact that he and everyone else had experienced a strange warping of memory. He also goes on to interrupt your first conversation with Sayaka, stating that their time is being wasted by 'ridiculous back-and-forth'. Despite this, when it's his turn to introduce himself to Makoto, he goes off on a tangent about how cool Makoto's name is. He's described by Makoto as a 'flawless honors student' and is most publicly known for his work on his local Public Morals Committee. He believes in putting 'every ounce of effort' into living, and imposes this belief on those he interacts with, something Makoto finds irritating(This guy is... kind annoying.").

So in short, Taka's first impression on the player is that he's a mildly obsessive honors kid, and a bit of a hypocrite that isn't fully aware of his own presence or the effect it has on the rest of the cast. The game goes on to use this lack of social awareness as a source of comedy, as he takes Monokuma's initial greeting as Headmaster fully at face value. He struggles to grasp the concept of the killing game at first, opening the discussion upon Monokuma's departure from the welcome ceremony with dialogue that sounds like it was pulled from a customer feedback survey("So guys, how would you define what we just experienced?"). He's not a malicious or hateful figure; he wants to work with the class but isn't quite sure how to.

Part 3- Early-Game Events

The game spends the early-game establishing Taka's more negative traits. He's shown to be inobservant and wrapped up in his own ideals and need to command authority to even notice Kyoko is missing and, upon being informed of her disappearance, cares more about her punctuality than her safety. "Not only is she late, she didn't tell anyone she would be late! A most unbecoming personality trait..."

He's also established as hypocritical once again, and a bit egotistical, as he has trouble fathoming the others' lack of discoveries but overinflates the importance of his own.

He then goes on to agree to Celeste's suggested nighttime rule for all the boys in the class, without letting them speak for themselves. While ultimately, no one has a problem with the rule, this is the first real instance of him doing something that, on paper, is beneficial to the group, but without considering how the others actually feel about it.

Taka doesn't show up in-story again until the day of the motive, when he goes around to the entire class demanding that they will now all have breakfast together every morning after the morning announcement. Although this is a good idea, allowing for everyone to bond and creating a morning headcount, he makes this decision for the entirety of the group. Leon and Makoto both complain about this if you speak to Leon outside the cafeteria, but ultimately go along with it because they don't want Taka to continue bugging them about it. So we can see that his efforts are perceived negatively by his classmates and go unappreciated.

Already we've seen Taka act overbearing and commanding over and over, inadvertently separating himself from the majority of his peers. He's direct and to the point, forming the breakfast meetings expressly to 'become friends and build trust' with the rest of the class. So we can see in no uncertain terms that he wants to befriend his classmates, but that his lack of social skills leads him to fail at every turn. He doesn't ask the class to join him for breakfast, he tells them. The strategy he employs doesn't leave room for choice, and ends up building resentment from his classmates.

It's not until the first body is discovered and the rules of the class trial are revealed that reality fully seems to set in for Taka. He, along with everyone else, are given the rules of a game they don't really want to play- that should they fail in the trial, all of them will be killed. And it sends Taka to a breakthrough- that some regulations can be harmful to those they're imposed upon.

There's now a shift in his actions- he's still trying to push for the class to follow the rules he's set, yes, but there's a newfound urgency to them. When Byakuya disappears in chapter 2, his concern has shifted from punctuality to his classmate's safety. He's the one to lead the search for Byakuya when he doesn't answer. Despite all his harshness, we can see that his strictness now comes from a place of genuine concern for the people around him, a direct parallel to earlier in the game when Kyoko went missing- "I'd like to think so. But I'm worried something might have happened to him."

This growth of character, though not focused on, is undoubtedly present. The dedication he has to his discipline and his ego are still fully intact, but now that dedication has moved beyond just order. It's an act of protection, for him and everyone else. The invisible threat of death has become all too visible with Sayaka's absence from their last breakfast meeting. If he can keep track of everyone, then he'll know they're still alive. He can prevent another murder. It imposes upon him the responsibility of the leadership he craves.

Part 4- Relationship(s)

Unincluding if the player actively seeks him out through FTEs, Taka only ever develops a real relationship with one character of the other fourteen in-game, though he does have some important dynamics with others. We'll continue moving in chronological order.

4.1- Ishimondo (these bitches gay?)

Throughout the game, whenever Taka is saying or doing something stupid, Mondo is typically the one to call him out on it or shut him down. While this doesn't start to take real shape until chapter 2, it is visible here and there in the early game.

But their connection doesn't really start to take focus until chapter 2, as Taka's failings as leader and Mondo's constant correcting him puts them at odds. Mondo's attitude is the antithesis of Taka's, living a life of complete risk and impulsiveness, yet has a matching level of energy, and despite being more intimidating on a surface level, he's able to actually befriend characters like Chihiro, Hina, and Sakura, while Taka's left on the out. One of the best examples of this is found not in the game, but in the stageplay adaptation, where both characters attempt to help Chihiro feel better about her weakness in the daily life segment.

When Byakuya starts mocking Chihiro for her fear, Mondo threatens him, and insists that Chihiro's weakness doesn't matter because she's a woman. But when this makes her upset and Sakuraoi call him out on it, he offers to help Chihiro train as an apology, acknowledging that his behavior was irrational. But when Taka tries to give her advice by telling her not to be weak anymore and is told to be reasonable, he can only insist that Mondo's words don't matter anyway.

In the game itself, Taka's barely present for this exchange, as it chooses instead to focus on Chimondo's relationship. Regardless, the animosity between Mondo and Taka is still made very clear in-game.

Mondo and Taka are both demonstrating the desire to protect their classmates here, but in different ways. Taka is the more logical of the two, focusing on keeping track of resources and devising a system of check for everyone to keep watch over each other in the breakfast promise. Mondo, meanwhile, wants to push the importance of actually getting everyone the fuck out of there. While their endgoal is the same, they disagree on how to go about it, and both their stubbornness drives them to butt heads as time continues to pass, leading to the sauna scene.

After being slowly built up in the background, Ishimondo's mutual anger finally comes to a head, with both not understanding the position that the other is in. Taka still believes Mondo's value to be what he provides to society, and as a biker gang leader, that's not much to a man that lives by lawful discipline. Meanwhile, Mondo can only see Taka as an egomaniac with a stick up his ass and doesn't know the background to why(and neither does the player without actively seeking out his FTEs). They each follow a different code of ethics, and view themself as the protector of the class, leading them to see each other as rivals. Yet, despite that, both of them still share their core value of total dedication, and so when finding a way to prove themself the better man, they end up with an endurance competition. For Taka, this reflects his belief that men connect by baring their souls, and do so by baring their bodies(something only learned in-game by approaching him for FTEs).

(This also leads to the implication that, while Mondo insisted on entering the sauna with all his clothes on, at some point, he was, in fact, naked while with Taka that night.)

The information as to what happened in that sauna is intentionally left unanswered, remaining fully private between both men in-game. The only thing either of them will say is that a brotherhood was formed between them, and that who won their initial contest no longer matters. Finally, Taka has found someone. Someone he can confide in and lean on, someone who'll support him and that he can support in turn("And if you can't do it alone, just find someone to support you, and you can support them back! That's how you can overcome any storm!" -Taka ch 1).

And then Chihiro's case happens.

At first, when the motives are introduced, Taka is one of the few to vocally insist no murder will take place. He has newfound confidence in the willpower of his classmates, and puts faith into everyone else for the first and only time. Even when presented with his own unknown secret, he finds it ridiculous that anyone would kill over the embarrassing memories and secrets. It's here that we truly see the highest high of this character- when he comes up with the idea to share secrets. When he presents this idea, he moves forward as usual, preparing to be the first one to reveal their secret and take the pressure off. But when his classmates insist they can't (Toko & Celeste) he doesn't keep chugging along, and he doesn't completely shut down, either. He looks around at his classmates, and he asks Chihiro. He actually steps back and asks for someone else's opinion.

And when she isn't yet comfortable, he backs off. He respect her wishes, and he stands with the class, ready to help them face their secrets the following day. Finding a friend in Mondo has softened his rigid exterior a little bit, enough to actually consider the opinions of the others. He's gotten comfortable. All that comes crashing down with the discovery of Chihiro's body the next morning. After finally taking a step back and letting his classmates- his friends- make their own choices, it directly leads to the murder of one of them("Dammit! I'm sorry, Chihiro... It's all because I wasn't strong enough!").

Taka fully blames himself for allowing Chihiro to be murdered, and as the guilt of failure starts to set in on him, he looks to his ethics and order to solve it. Chihiro may be dead, but the murderer will be condemned through the class trial("Justice always prevails! Right, bro!?"). A solution, a path forward, still exists for him. He still has Mondo by his side, and he and the rest of the class can surely prevent this from happening again, right?

The trial only validates him at first, revealing the existence of a serial killer among the group, someone so clearly immoral for her killing obsession. But it's not her. Why isn't it her? "Could such a heinous villain really be innocent!?" But his confusion is quickly stamped out- of course, it's Byakuya, the guy that's been threatening everyone and refusing to cooperate, the guy that has no regard for the rest of their classmates. "He kept calling this a game, right? So he'd totally be willing to do whatever it takes to 'win'!" But no, wrong again- he didn't know that the murder was in the boys' locker room, and was taken aback by Chihiro being AMAB. It should be him, someone so clearly antagonistic, that's how it's supposed to go, right?? But no, it's wrong! Why? And, who could kill someone like Chihiro at their most vulnerable?

He's failed. Taka's failed in every way conceivable. Mondo, the first person he's ever truly felt connected to, a murderer? Chihiro's murderer? That can't be it. Even long after Mondo's stopped arguing, Taka continues to push back against Makoto and Kyoko's accusations. It's a coincidence, that's not actually proof, anything to get them to stop, to save his brother, to save himself from the reality he's about to have to face. When sent into the BTB, it's Taka we fight in his despair, not Mondo. Until the very end, Taka won't acknowledge it. He can't. He can't bring himself to vote his Mondo a murderer, a killer. How could the man who gave him the chance no one else would, ever be so cruel? "I- I refuse to believe it... There's no way... no way he would kill someone! Why!? Why why why why why!? WHYYY!? Why did you do it!?"

He learns the truth of Mondo's story alongside the rest of the class, unable to process it all. It makes no sense. They were friends who trusted each other, who helped each other. And what about the man's promise? Doesn't that count for anything!? This doesn't sound right. This isn't Mondo, not his Mondo, not the man from the sauna. How could he have been so wrong about him?! It just can't be, but it is; the truth is but a slap to the face.

He was wrong. He stood by Chihiro's killer and defended him. He let his brother become the monster he saw himself as. He didn't stop it when he could have. He was blinded by his own beliefs, and as he watches Mondo's death, his spirit dies with him, the game cutting out all music as Taka screams, filling a deafening silence. "As Taka's sad screams invaded our skulls, we were each forced to realize once again..."

4.2- Kiyondo Ishida

Taka enters chapter 3 as a hollowed out shell of himself. He's gone near comatose, staring at nothing and saying nothing. He won't eat, won't speak, won't sleep, and although there are a couple weak attempts to get him back in action from Hiro("It's times like this where the committee chairman needs to get things going with a BANG!"), he's mostly left to grieve by himself, as the rest of cast is more concerned with the expanded school than the bossy guy they didn't like that much.

Monokuma even goes out of his way to torture Taka, to punish him for his grief, lying about the existence of a time machine just to fuck with his head and give him false hope, sending him further into despair- "Hmm... You sound disappointed. But actually, I was lying about the whole thing anyway. There's no such thing as time machines!" He's forced to become Monokuma's most successful project from the class, completely and utterly destroyed.

When he learns of Alter Ego, something in his head clicks. He can still talk to Chihiro. He can repent. He can apologize directly to him. So, with Makoto's help, he's brought to the laptop. His guilt finishes totally consuming him as he asks: "Do you... hate Mondo? And since I couldn't stop him... do you hate me?" His own self-hatred stemming from his failure is projected onto Alter Ego in one last attempt to come to terms with what's happened. The response he receives, unfortunately, is the culmination of all the toxic and unhealthy ideas of manhood the other boys carried with them via an attempted simulation of Mondo.

"You're not letting yourself get crushed under the weight of that responsibility, are you!? A man's only worth as much as the load he can carry! You get it, right bro!? Hell, what am I saying? Of course ya do!"

"So you're just gonna stand there, huh? Just wait for things to get better? Just take your time and get all depressed... Take the time to indulge your regrets... You might even start walking again without realizing it. Sure, that kind of mediocre thing might work for some people."

This speech, while attempting to inspire Taka to keep living for Chihiro's and Mondo's sakes, encapsulates the desperate need to be perceived as strong and untouchable that Mondo himself carried, and that Chihiro admired so much. It sinks its way into Taka, convincing him that the way to respond to his guilt is simple- pretend it isn't there! Mondo has clearly returned to him, and he's never letting him go ever again. He fully deludes himself, and he's fused with this idealized version of his bro. He permanently ties himself to Mondo's memory, and goes from the SHSL Public Morals Committee Member to something else entirely- Kiyondo Ishida, the unholy mixture of both men.

This revelation also leads him to an obsession with Alter Ego, viewing it as the vessel in which his bro was returned to him. He views it as another chance to protect his bro from ever being hurt again, as some divine second-chance he's been granted. All desire to be around the rest of his class is gone, replaced with this obsession. He's put at odds with Hifumi, who's also connected with the AI, and separates himself from the group that much more. When Alter Ego disappears, he can't handle it. He panics. He won't let his bro die, not again. And so he dooms himself, refusing to let go of the shadows of the past enough to see his own death looming before him, and he's killed in the early hours of the morning, led by desperation to his demise. And even so, the class can only worry about the semantics of when he died, barely mourning him.

5- Isolation (What's the point of this guy, anyway?)

Rather than learning from the mistakes both Chihiro and Mondo made by subscribing to the societal expectations of what makes a man, Taka ends up doubling down, burning away the optimism and more reasonable logic Taka used to have. Taka's story is that of a doomed fate to become the symbol of manhood and its self-destructing nature, leeching off of his first and only friend's unhealthy behaviors and sending him spiraling. And it's allowed to happen because of his social isolation.

From the very beginning of the game, Taka is singled out as annoying to be around. He's put in a negative light and viewed as unpleasant to spend time with. Every attempt to befriend or connect with a classmate is written off as a nuisance, a hindrance. Taka doesn't know how to make friends. He doesn't know how to do anything besides follow the rules and regulations he's been taught. He sticks to his regimen, because it's comfortable, and doesn't understand why others can't conform in the way that he does. He's very thoroughly isolated mentally and emotionally from his classmates at every turn, to the point where even in the very first trial he's standing with no one but the dead by his side(as Sayaka and "Junko" were positioned on either side of his podium).

All this is done with the deliberate intention to showcase his solitude, and more importantly, the loneliness that comes from it. It's to the point that when he finally does make a friend, he thoroughly idealizes him in his subconscious, coming to view him as some perfect person who'd even support him. It's inherently contradictory from his established beliefs going into the game, that a delinquent could be kind, but he accepts it wholeheartedly. He gets to know Mondo on some deeper level while in that sauna, and it's enough to rapidly develop a massive codependency on him. So when Mondo self-destructs and dies, so too does Taka.

Taka's purpose as a character is to suffer. He wraps himself in his moral beliefs, remaining steadfast in what he views as right and wrong, making judgement calls he's 100% sure of, and when they're challenged/disproven, he's thrown wholly out of whack. He exists to serve a purpose- what would've happened if Makoto didn't accept the truth about Sayaka? What happens when you let your idealism blind you to the truth? What happens when you blind yourself to the reality of the people around you, of the darkness in the people you care about? You self-destruct. He's tossed aside, killed as an accessory to the plot of someone who does nothing but manipulate the truth. He dies, and that's just it. His story is cut short; he doesn't get to heal or grow or come to terms with the truth. Such is the fate of the failed.

6- Afterword

...I didn't even touch his FTEs for this. Holy shit.

I'm gonna be honest, as much as I love Taka, I never expected this post would become as long as it did, or that I'd uncover such a dark fucking reason for why he gets as totally fucked over as he does. Don't get me wrong, I still really wish he'd lived and gotten to grow after this, but maybe his death was more well-written than I used to think. Good god.

[sunflowerdigs]

The unweighted average for 8x16 is at 1.8 right now, even though the rating itself has rebounded a bit to 2.4. Over 80% of people voting have rated the episode a 1. If we calculate top 3, middle 4, and bottom 3 box, we get 7.6%, 2.2%, and 90%. So, really, 90% of people voting disliked the episode. Even if we're more generous and do a T4/B4 calculation, it basically comes out to the same thing. This isn't one angry subgroup of fans casting multiple votes. The middle ranges are too empty for that. This is the audience generally disliking the episode in a way it's never disliked an episode before.

And I don't think this is just people being angry that Bobby died. It's anger over how his death was treated in what should have been an episode dedicated to memorializing him. The show has made clear that although there may be small, individual subplots related to Bobby's death in the next two episodes, there isn't going to be another time where the 118 family comes together as a group to remember him. 8x16 was the only opportunity for something like a wake or a reception or even just an informal gathering at one character's house to talk about Bobby and what he meant to everyone. It was the one opportunity for the show to put Bobby's death front and center and let the characters all lean on each other as they grieved together. It's what the audience has come to expect from this show and it 100% did not happen last night. And that's what the rating is about and it is absolutely deserved.

[buddieism]

tommy's character, bucktommy's inherent flaws, tommy & eddie as mirrors and buddie endgame; a (lengthy) meta analysis

honestly, what's really confirmed my feelings about tommy (and the imminent bucktommy bones -> buddie pipeline) is that there have now been multiple opportunities for the writers to actually make tommy a likeable/serious love interest for buck and they just…haven’t. because while fans are naturally going to overanalyse every little thing, the vast majority of the show's audience are regular viewers who consume the show at face value and don't think twice about it -- so if tommy was intended to be buck's endgame or anything remotely close to it, they'd absolutely want to make the most of his (very limited) screen time to present him in the best light they could. think about karen, the only non-main LI, and how she was introduced to us -- despite hen's cheating, we can see how dedicated karen and hen are to each other and how karen is a complex character in her own right who is immediately easy to root for and love.

comparatively, when we look at tommy's s7 appearances and specifically his interactions with buck, it becomes abundantly clear that there isn't really much depth to their relationship at all. which is fine! it's just... you know. fine. let's get into it.

following the cruise arc, we watch tommy through buck's eyes in 7x04 where he's basically wining and dining eddie -- flying him to vegas, getting them front row tickets to a fight, sparring with him in muay thai, playing pick up basketball with him -- tommy and eddie are so similar (which we'll come back to later), and we even get that line from eddie about how well they "click." as the audience, we are being subconsciously told to align tommy and eddie together -- and furthermore, we are told that tommy can easily make grand gestures when he wants to. now let's compare that to the bucktommy moments of the season.

bucktommy's first date: tommy makes a shady comment that would have outed buck if eddie or marisol caught onto it and then proceeds to abandon him on the sidewalk because he thinks buck isn't "ready" for a relationship with a man

i'll be objective here -- i understand in a show like 911 there's always going to be "unnecessary" relationship conflict for the sake of drama and i can also see how buck trying to play off their date as platonic to eddie might have put a bad taste in tommy's mouth. but we hear from tommy himself that he struggled with being open about his sexuality when he was at the 118 so he could have absolutely extended some sympathy towards buck for not wanting to come out on the spot to his best friend -- especially when tommy fully knows how important of a role eddie plays in buck's life. at the very least, he didn't have to leave buck alone on the curb. this isn't me trying to woobify buck because yeah, he's a grown man, he's fine -- but that doesn't mean it still isn't a bit of an asshole move.

the bachelor party: tommy doesn't dress up for the theme and dismisses buck when he's clearly disappointed about him doing so

tommy showing zero interest for the bachelor party buck planned is practically the writers waving a massive red flag in front of the camera -- him having to leave because he's on call is an understandable 'conflict' plot point but why not have him show up in an 80s themed outfit? it wouldn't have changed anything except that he and buck would have had a positive interaction; buck would have been happy that tommy cared enough to make that small gesture and it could have been a cute way to establish their relationship as one built on mutual effort. (btw, the bucktommy hospital kiss could be seen as a big gesture, sure -- but from a more practical viewpoint knowing how rushed this season had to be, it was also just an easy way for buck to "come out" to the rest of the 118 without having to spend too much episode airtime on it.)

the medal ceremony: tommy says 'enjoy it while it lasts' (which, LOL) and also is not shown reacting to buck receiving his medal. he also has a conversation with henren in a deleted scene.

again, i'm going to try to give tommy the benefit of the doubt -- i'm not saying he has to be sunshine and rainbows all the time and i have no issue with a character having a snarky/sarcastic side. but when his screentime is so minimal, every line of dialogue matters. and it's pretty damning that the writers aren't taking those few chances to give us something to appreciate about him. with buck, tommy makes a dismissive comment for literally zero reason, and with hen and karen, who are rightfully looking out for their friend, tommy refuses to take them seriously at all.

bucktommy's dinner in the finale: buck displays some vulnerability about losing bobby, and tommy... really doesn't seem to care.

honestly i refuse to rewatch this part of the ep because it really icks me out on another level but iirc: buck says he's glad bobby's okay because bobby is like the father he never had -> tommy says "your father's alive" -> something something joke about daddy issues. ignoring #that joke entirely, it's really insane to me that they have tommy even acknowledge the nuclear bomb that is buck's relationship with his parents. yes, we had a bit of a ham-fisted 'redemption arc' in s6 but that doesn't negate the buckley parents being absolutely heinous and the fact that buck verbalises how bobby played the role of the father figure because philip didn't -- all for tommy to basically deny that to his face -- is absurd. tommy has expressed on multiple occasions that he's jealous of the 118 family bond, so this line is just... very interesting to me.

now, let's recap all these events and bring eddie back into the mix!

post-bucktommy's first date, buck is more torn up about the fact that he lied to eddie than the actual date to the point that he has to vent to maddie about it. he then comes out to eddie, who is incredibly supportive (and oliver and ryan make some very curious acting choices indeed). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

pre-bachelor party, eddie is the one to suggest he and buck dress in matching (queer-coded) costumes. he then stays by buck's side at the party when everyone else leaves and although we'll never get to see it (tim minear i'm inside your walls👹), they sing an absurdly romantic karaoke song together. eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

during the medal ceremony, when the camera pans to each member of the 118's love interest/family, it is eddie we are shown smiling at buck, not tommy. this is especially interesting considering we get buck reacting to tommy. i honestly can't get over how a reciprocated tommy reaction would have been an easy yet significant moment to cement bucktommy as a relationship, but they gave us eddie's instead (with chris in the background and marisol conveniently obscured, mind you). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

in the final episode, when eddie is experiencing his personal worst nightmare, buck is the one at eddie's side every step of the way. buck talks to christopher, buck reassures eddie (without judgement), and it's made clear that buck will be there for eddie, whatever he needs.

at every possible opportunity, we the audience are being implicitly told that eddie is buck's person. he is his place of support (buck having his more vulnerable coming out scene with eddie rather than his sister); he has buck's back (the bachelor party); he is his family (medal ceremony reaction), and ultimately, this goes both ways (finale).

some other things worth noting: when buck has his coming out scene with maddie, she tells him he's confused about his feelings in a way that seems to indicate she's talking about his feelings towards eddie ("if you there's something you need to tell eddie, you will"). in bobby's conversation with buck in the firehouse, he's verbally supportive of tommy and even asks if buck is going to see him, but buck goes to eddie's house instead. these were deliberate choices made by the writers; eddie has been consistently intertwined in bucktommy's relationship both overtly and subtextually throughout the entirety of s7. and let's not even get into the whole 'evan' thing, because that could be a whole other post in itself.

from the first moment we start to learn about tommy's character (beyond his... coloured past), we find out that he and eddie are practically mirrors. why not make tommy and buck share similar interests? why not give them something to bond over? why present tommy and eddie as almost identical in every way? because tommy is a placeholder for eddie. buck's initial bisexuality journey can't happen with eddie when eddie still hasn't come to terms with his own feelings. so, in the meantime, tommy is the "safe" choice in buck's mind because buck has nothing to lose with tommy whereas he's got everything to lose with eddie. buck can't confront what he truly wants yet because the risk factor is far greater and it's been repeatedly asserted that buck has an issue with people in his life leaving -- he would never do anything to jeopardise his relationship with eddie.

but ultimately (and in my opinion, fairly soon), we are going to get that moment where it "clicks" for buck and he realises that it is eddie he has feelings for. and when that happens, there's basically only one way it can go. we know buck can't keep secrets from eddie; we know eddie is going into s8 feeling "isolated"; we know tim loves making his characters suffer before they can be happy. in my mind, the narrative is going to go something like this: buck feelings realisation -> pining buck era -> eddie healing journey and a reevaluation of what buck means to him -> some insane life-threatening situation that really doubles down on how buck and eddie care more about each other than anyone else because it is 9-1-1 at the end of the day -> love confession induced by their dramatic near-death experience -> #BUDDIE_CANON !

when we factor in how there was a possibility of eddie having the sexuality arc this season instead, how tim has said buddie is one of his favourite dynamics of the show, and how supportive both oliver and ryan are of the ship, i really can't see how everything isn't building to buddie endgame. every other main pairing of the show has had seasons of development, of conflict, of bonding moments. buck and eddie have gone through that with each other time and time over (tsunami/lawsuit/shooting arc etc), which is why every other random love interest that's introduced for either of them falls flat in comparison. they quite literally are exactly what the other person needs; buck wants the stability of a home, a family, and unconditional love; eddie wants someone he can trust, a caretaker for his son but also a partner. buddie is the ship the audience wants to root for, because we know they work! now that we have canonically bisexual buck and eddie finally having to face his complicated feelings about losing shannon, buddie isn't just the logical conclusion -- it's the inevitable one.

[toxicanonymity]

When you engage with confessions accts, you're encouraging this kind of parasocial hater behavior

Note added for context: A "confessions" account has been posting anon hate mostly toward writers in the pedro pascal fandom. A parasocial hater of mine discovered it and has been going to town. I posted this after a revolting analogy they used (screenshot at bottom of post).

Obviously I am disgusted that anyone would post such a deranged analogy just to stir up fandom drama. FYI many of these are from the same individual who has been fixated on me for a while and i know others have their stalkers too. We block them but when a "confessions" acct is active, they have a platform. I'm sorry to everyone who has been attacked.

warning: hate, trivialization of abuse & genocide, gross stuff.

the screenshots below are all from after I blocked this person

I normally don't address things like this, but that's only because I'm trying to keep it off your dash and off my blog for reasons including not wanting to give the hater a larger audience for their message. Normally I block/delete. But thanks to a blog dedicated to posting anon hate, some of this is already on the dash, and additional context could be illuminating.

a couple weeks ago, this person chimed in on my non-fandom post, and their comment made me uncomfortable. Their blog tagline was antagonistic. They weren't being earnest. I checked to see if they followed me, and they didn't. I wrongly assumed they followed me from a main account since they were commenting on an un-tagged, un-reblogged post. I replied, taking issue with their comment and asking them to keep their thoughts to themselves rather than coming at me from a sideblog. But I now realize they were simply hate checking my blog.

These first ones are from their burner after I blocked the account that started it:

(Blocked the burner too)

They were saying this last bit preemptively - I've never talked about stalkers here until this post you're reading rn. I didn't include all their anons in this post, just enough to show they clearly out themselves as being the same person.

Sometimes they will act like they're laughing and pretend to be multiple people. They also sent asks targeting att*********h and made comments off-anon before she deactivated this wk. In other asks they use large font to praise a former writer (jr****t) and insult everyone else - they sent one of these off-anon and reblogged another.

This post i'm making may only make it worse idk. I want to trust people not to automatically believe and repeat accusations, but my experience leaves me pessimistic.

I won't be dropping this creep's url in this post: This week they have repeatedly changed their url anyway, along with their display name and blog appearance. I had never heard of them.

Now the ask that prompted this post, idk if it's the same person or not but they def sent multiple asks

Note the "our" 🙄 typical hate stalker tactic pretending to be more than 1 person. I used to get "we are laughing" asks after like every post I made.

I haven't included nearly all the hate in this post, only the last one which crossed the line pushing me to make this post and all the others to illustrate how one person can go so wild. In other posts, I was sexualized without my consent (TOS violation) and it was really gross. And then miscellaneous hate.

Note - yes you can share this if you want. It's already out there anyway. Also feel free to DM for the known urls but do NOT contact them / rile them up.

Update - the anon-hate account referred to above, pedgeconfessions, has deactivated after violating multiple TOS including doxxing (not of me) which can put people in real world danger. It wasn't the first such acct this summer and may not be the last.

[thefudge]

so, about nosferatu

....eh

this film felt like such a missed opportunity

it wasn't bad, it was just very underwhelming and disappointing, which i'd heard, but still. i was hoping for more juice, more substance

the cinematography is beautiful and atmospheric and the overall look of it is great....but it doesn't seem to say or do anything all that interesting

yes, we get it, we're dealing with ellen's exteriorized and embodied "appetite" and repressed sexuality, but i don't feel eggers did anything particularly salient with it

lily rose depp certainly gives it all in her physical performance...but the intensity becomes tedious because eggers doesn't seem to actually want to engage with ellen's desires; she's not really allowed to be devious or deviant, in spite of the great show she puts on. and i understand that it's part of the point; that society has taught her to be her own biggest censor. but still, there comes a point where it feels like the spectacle of her hysteria is more important than any more subtle shades of her loneliness/desire for connection.

ironically, her supposed abnormalcy becomes monotonous

and if you strip away her possession scenes...what do you have? who is this woman, really?

frankly, most of the characters felt like this - threadbare and rather empty

and this could be part of the fairy-tale effect of the movie (operating with types), but it's a very dissatisfying effect

you don't believe in the characters and their actions

the only one here who feels like a "flesh and blood" person is willem defoe, because he seems to realize he's starring in a dressed-up melodrama; his is the most enjoyable and palpable performance

honestly, i don't get why eggers felt the need to tell this story. what did he bring to it? a particular style? historical mise-en-scene?

speaking of history, that's one big thing he's known for; his almost obsessive adherence to authentic and accurate historical detail. well, this time i think it worked against him

so, the screening i attended was followed up by a discussion with florin lazarescu, the Romanian screenwriter whom eggers hired as consultant for this movie, and lazarescu basically explained the amount of research eggers' team did to try and get some details right

most of that research...ended up being either misused or simply wasted

for instance, eggers insisted on getting right certain Slavonic carvings on orlok's casket, or was obsessive about reconstructing parts of a Romanian monastery and the exact dress of an orthodox Mother Superior. and that's all very cool; i'm not saying i don't appreciate this level of dedication, but what was it in the service of, ultimately? yes, these details add atmosphere, but a lot of things he poured so much work into barely show up on screen (lazarescu said there's a much longer director's cut, tho) and when they do, they're frankly framed in a sketchy, amateurish way

take the scenes with the Romanian gypsies (i'm using the term with the 19th century connotation of it); lazarescu said eggers wanted this community to not seemed cliched, to feel authentic, but....literally, thomas is greeted by them singing and dancing in the most affected, cliched/stereotypical way. yes, i've seen much worse depictions of course, but all that historical research ultimately gave way to a watered down depiction. the dialogue in Romanian during those scenes is pretty funny/cringey, if you understand it; i realize most people won't. but as a Romanian, those scenes were ridiculous instead of atmospheric or spooky. and i know this won't affect most audiences' enjoyment, but eggers prides himself on historical verisimilitude, yet all of these "local color" scenes felt like one big, cliched spectacle (including the scene with the naked girl on the horse - none of these moments felt like they had actual depth. and imo, you need a bit of depth if you want to elicit a terrifying atmosphere)

and then there's the "Dacian" language orlok speaks....

lazarescu mentioned eggers insisted on this aspect and asked him to basically invent it because he wanted the count to go all the way back to the Dacians (our ancestors who were eventually conquered and colonized by the Romans)

and i get wanting to make the vampire even more alien, more remote, but this Dacian background adds nothing to the story of the character - literally nothing* is done with it in the film; it's just something you can look up, but you'd have to know that eggers intended for him to be Dacian/ to speak Dacian

so it's a pretty superficial easter egg

and the language orlok speaks is just a really garbled, phony-sounding Latin (because linguists believe that Dacian and Latin probably had a common ancestor); and this is just a personal complaint, but he never sounded genuine to me; i did not believe in this immortal count who goes all the way back to the Dacians

bill skarsgard does the best he can, but even his English lines (spoken with a heavy Russian accent) are pretty farcical

and this could have worked for me if the movie leaned into these farcical/melodramatic elements more, but it takes itself too seriously for that

there are some funny bits here and there, but it's obvious eggers wanted people to "think" about his movie

there are atmospheric moments i enjoyed, and i think the last frame/shot of the movie is really beautiful and evocative (and something tells me that this picturesque shot was the impetus for the whole movie - it feels like eggers made the whole thing just to get to it, and ...you know what, i can respect that)

but all of the historical authenticity he tried to insert into the film fell very flat for me and felt like pointless research, since very little of it was utilized in an interesting, meaningful way (or at all)

i mean for all the work he put into it, this movie felt so incomplete and fractured, so devoid of actual historical or fictional layers - it did not know whether it wanted to be a dreamlike folk tale or a historical gothic, and it did not much succeed at being either imo

the pacing also seemed sort of labored to me; there were some very predictable moments that were drawn out without much in the way of interesting effect/resolution

again, i enjoyed some aspects, but the whole of it felt like a hollow faberge egg

and i guess this adaptation reveals the pitfalls of the original - which is in itself a copy of dracula. because at every step of the way i wished i was watching dracula lol. even the bbc 2020 dracula!

to offer some compliments here at the end: i like that orlok is ugly and stays ugly and monstrous all throughout; i like that eggers seems to understand there is an appeal in that (especially for women) - but he doesn't go far enough with it. he is not bold enough to have ellen revel in that ugliness. there are some brief shots where orlok's ugliness/monstrosity verges on seductive/erotic, but the movie shies away from ellen's desire for that monstrosity. the film focuses more on her "monstrous" physical guilt for desiring him, but without really fleshing out her connection with orlok. again, i don't know who this woman is. (if she is meant to stand in for all repressed 19th century women at the time that's weak sauce to me)

i do think eggers is a v good director and i have enjoyed his other films; i just think he didn't have much to say in this one (he just wanted to get to that last cool shot)

(*to be fair and give the film credit, the myth of the Solomonari is invoked/referenced in order to connect orlok with Daco-Romanian folklore....but a) i don't think that this link was utilized in an interesting way; b) it's not fleshed out enough for us to understand orlok's powers as a Solomonar wizard or what the deal is with the Solomonar book....it feels like missing fragments from a larger story. and it makes me yearn for the film that could've been)

[somsatangpie]

I've been wanting to talk about this video for a while, I want to start by reminding you that these are just my observations and trips, I am not affirming anything, even because I am just a fan and I have no real contact with them, but omg how I find this video so endearing because Mingi doesn't take ONE step back, he doesn't turn his face away 1 single milimeter. This entire part, from dance break to this interaction, lasts like 20 seconds. He doesn't know what's going to happen because in this part of choreography with Wooyoung this doesn't happen and Yunho was replacing Wooyoung and he doesn't know that Yunho planned it, Yunho himself says in a live that he didn't know he was going to do this, he was just "feeling" the song, and Mingi just go with him, without know if he's going to kiss him, bite him, slap him, he's just ready for whatever Yunho wants to do with him. His face maybe does it mimic a bit of what he might have seen in Yunho's eyes? (this is totally in my mind, you can call me crazy, its ok) Like "Are you going to bite me? I'm ready. Are you going to lick me? Kiss me? Do whatever you want." In pop live Yunho does after this, he says that he left finger marks and redpness on Mingi's chest and said he thought he was going to get bitten and that he finds it funny. And Yunho just makes a joke "Oh, I said I would go for him." He finds it funny.

It makes me speechless and endeared at how confident Mingi is and how much he gives himself to Yunho on stage (and if we remember other situations off stage, he has the same dedication, the same confidence that Yunho will do the best for both of them).They had already done something a little similar at the beginning of the group and while all the other members and the audience were shocked, they were absolutelly calm.

For me, this is the kind of surrender that I only saw in movies and books, and that's why it's so fascinating. Every part of Yungi's lore, all about their story, always makes me wonder how this can be real, what is it about Yunho that awakens this loyalty and trust into Mingi?

And they keep this "scene" while Wooyoung is recovering from his health problem. When Wooyoung comes back, Mingi tries to repeat with him sometimes but Wooyoung walks away in middle scene or look a little scared and you can see his disappointment, until they just give up on reproducing the scene and back to original choreography. Don't get me wrong, it's still very sexy, but you see Woo step back by the intensity

So it's kind of a two way street, maybe? Mingi trusts that Yunho will do what's best for both of them and Yunho knows that he won't react badly and will walk with him, so he can do improvise and feel on stage whatever he wants

If you want to watch full performance just click here

[midwestgp]

Hello! After a good few weeks of combing through lots of data, I have coherent numbers for your viewing pleasure. This whole thing birthed from the hypothesis that past BTS fans now liked Charles and quickly grew from there. I am happy to say that many of my suspicions were confirmed and some surprises arose along the way. Thank you to everyone who participated and took the time to relive some great or not-so-great memories. Enjoy!

Some Notes Before Hand:

Combing through this data was a bit challenging. I tried to find data points that most fans would find interesting. To help give myself some sort of a guide I chose one of the top subjects in each category and analyzed the data attached to them. I will probably look back into this stuff more in the future, but trying to find points for everyone is a wild goose chase. That being said, if you notice something I do not, please let me know! I want to hear what you all think that's why I made this :)

Favorite Drivers (current grid):

So this was a bit surprising, but I think it was caused mainly by my wording. According to this graph, out of 346 users, Oscar Piastri is currently the most popular driver by a long shot. While I do think Oscar is very well loved, I do not think this is true at all. Because I allowed participants to choose more than one driver it became less of a true ranking and more "these are the drivers people think most positively of currently". I think if I asked everyone to pick one person Oscar would not be at the top and more likely around the 3rd-5th range. Other than Oscar it is also important to note my audience certainly had an effect on the results. Things are probably skewed slightly towards other drivers than they are realistically, but I still think this is pretty close.

For the future keep the numbers up here in mind and our top three, Oscar, Charles and Max, will be important. All pipelines are based off and cross referenced with this data set.

Drivers on Past Grids:

No surprises here! I did not do any pipelines attached to any of the data on this graph so this question was just for fun.

Anime and Manga:

Sports anime! Competition! Yippee! This is about exactly what I thought would happen. It makes perfect sense that the sports anime is popular in the sport community. Also, it was really fun reading some of your less than enthusiastic previous fandom experiences and memories.

Pipelines:

31/69 Haikyuu!! fans said that Max was one of their favorite drivers.

Also chances are that if you watched Haikyuu!! you also watched My Hero Academia because 29/69 Haikyuu!! fans also clicked My Hero Academia.

Max was the most popular person in this category as a whole and that does not shock me even slightly.

Favorite Characters:

Izuku Midoriya and Bakugou Katsuki from My Hero Academia

Tobio Kageyama from Haikyuu!!

Russia from Hetalia

L from Death Note

Levi Ackerman from Attack On Titan

Saiki K. from The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.

Literature:

I probably have the least commentary on this section. A lot of the books I love don't have dedicated fan bases attached to them (I wish they did) so I needed help when making this question. I have no clue what a lot of these are but I'm glad that you all enjoyed them.

Pipelines:

My Hypothesis for this was "are past Harry Potter fans more likely to like drivers with British accents?"

100/152 Harry Potter fans said that either Lando, Lewis, George or Alex was one of their favorite drivers. Considering that none of these drivers are in our top three I'd say I was correct.

Favorite Characters:

Draco from Harry Potter

Newt from The Maze Runner

Kili from The Hobbit

Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice

Percy Jackson from Percy Jackson

Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games

Alice Cullen from Twilight

Comics, Cartoons, Graphic Novels:

I was not previously aware of the amount of comic and graphic novel fans in Flblur! I thought at first that these numbers were coming from MCU and DCU fans (some them surely but that's besides the point), but after consulting my council (princess george cord) I quickly learned that there are a lot of comic fans.

Pipelines:

When looking at the Marvel Comics numbers, this was one of the most diverse sections when comparing it to favorite drivers. This group leaned more towards the middle of the pack rather than our top three.

That being said Max and Lewis were our most popular contenders here. 36/93 Marvel Comics fans liked Max and 33/93 Marvel Comics fans liked Lewis.

I personally feel like this makes a ton of sense.

Favorite Characters:

Lance, Keith, Shiro and Pidge from Voltron: Legendary Defender

Zuko and Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender

Dipper and Mable Pines from Gravity Falls

Garnet from Steven Universe

Tony Stark, Peter Parker, Bucky Barnes and Deadpool from Marvel Comics

Fluttershy from My Little Pony

Fandom RPF (no music):

Looking at this section now, my labels could be a bit confusing. Chances are if you are a fan of a person in the Minecraft RPF category they also probably fit into both the YouTuber RPF and Streamer RPF categories. I made these separate from each other based on if I felt they had enough history and content to overpower other names who would fall in there. Phandom has so much history at this point that if I bunched it in with Youtuber RPF it would kind of feel disrespectful (and I wasn't even involved in it). Anyways, I decided to focus on Minecraft RPF for the pipeline in this section just because I felt like I could analyze it more closely even though it isn't the top spot.

Pipelines:

So my hypothesis for this section was that the fans of Minecraft RPF would generally be more attracted to the younger people on the grid, like 2019 rookies and onward.

Something stood out very quickly and it was the amount of Logan and Oscar fans. The numbers aren't staggering or anything, but there's certainly a pipeline here.

23/62 Logan fans like Minecraft RPF and 49/197 Oscar fans liked Minecraft RPF. As a pairing, 16 Minecraft RPF fans liked both. Now this probably doesn't seem like a lot, but if you compare it with Lando's numbers (because Lando and Oscar is Oscar's most popular pairing) its kinda clear there's something different here. Only 18/88 Lando fans were previously Minecraft RPF fans.

Favorite People:

Dan and Phil

Technoblade

Ranboo

Markiplier

Smosh

Movie and Film:

It is not shock the amount of Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars and DC Universe fans there are in F1blur. I was a bit surprised by the lack of spread overall though, though who am I too judge I would really only attach myself to like two of these. Originally I did not want to look at the MCU in for this sections pipeline because I looked at the comics earlier, but the results were surprisingly different.

Pipelines:

Ok, so previously in the Marvel Comics section the two most popular people were Max and Lewis. Here things are a bit different though Max and Lewis and still popular.

The standouts here this time are Alex and Yuki! 41/88 Alex fans liked the MCU and 46/73 Yuki fans liked the MCU.

It is also worth mentioning that 93/167 Oscar fans liked the MCU too.

Favorite Characters:

Loki, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Black Widow and Peter Parker from the Marvel Cinematic Universe

Poe, Finn, Luke Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi and the Clones from Star Wars.

Merlin from Kingsman

Q from the James Bond Franchise

Music and Band RPF (no kpop):

I mean, it's what is says on the tin. One Direction being the most popular band in F1blur makes perfect sense, no comment. It also makes sense that Panic! At The Disco, My Chemical Romance, Twenty One Pilots and Fall Out Boy are so similar in numbers. I am kind of curious on how people interact with fandom spaces with some of these artists, but those are questions for another time.

Pipelines:

Although I did not poll anything to do with shipping, I am going to talk about it here. It did not shock me that Charles and Max were popular here.

53/143 Charles fans were One Direction fans and 51/130 Max fans were One Direction fans too.

28/108 One Direction Fans chose both Max and Charles. I am sort of pointing at possible Larry and Lestappen connections. Yeah.

Also lots of George and Lewis fans here.

Favorite People:

Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles from One Direction

Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance

George Harrison from The Beatles

Luke Hemmings from Five Seconds of Summer

Kpop:

This is our smallest yes category...I will admit, I was shocked by the lack of Kpop fans from the poll. I assumed that because a lot of my F1 friends and moots were previous Kpop people that this would be similar for everyone else. I now see I am wrong. I am a little sad about it to be honest. Anyways, BTS was the most popular and no one bats an eye. Though I predicted EXO and Blackpink would have placed higher.

Pipelines:

I wanted to focus on Charles for this one because him and BTS is why I did this whole thing.

Would it surprise you if 1/5 Charles fans were also BTS fans? Because it's real and I think that's amazing.

I crave to know what this fraction of the Charles fandom thinks about Jungkook because I know it's not normal :).

Favorite People:

Kim Namjoon (RM), Min Yoongi (Suga) and Jeon Jungkook from BTS

Bangchan and Lee Know from Stray Kidz

Jennie from Blackpink

TV Shows:

This was our biggest yes category! The TV section has such a nice spread and it was one of the most fun sections to study in my opinion. I am not super into any TV Show fandoms so I also learned a lot here. These series are topics I will see in the trending tab, but know literal zero about. I am glad that you all seem to love these shows because that makes total sense since F1 is also TV.

Pipelines:

Ok so I don't know much about Sherlock. When trying to find a pipeline here I just took a lot of numbers from each driver and waited for something to stick.

Imagine my shock when the standout was Fernando! 23/71 Fernando fans also chose Sherlock. Thats about 32%. Middle aged men for the win.

Favorite Characters:

Stiles Stilinski from Teen Wolf

Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley from Stranger Things

Sam and Dean Winchester and Castiel from Supernatural

Hannibal Lector from Hannibal

The 10th, 11th and 12th Doctors from Doctor Who

Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens

Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock

Theater:

Ah yes... theater. If I could go back and redo this I would LOVE to know what extracurriculars everyone did in school because I think that would pair with all this so well. Again, it is not surprising that Hamilton is the fan favorite. Romance, competition, war, betrayal, it has it all and so does F1 (and Heathers too now that I think about it).

Pipelines:

I was practically flabbergasted by this section because it was immediately apparent that Hamilton fans go crazy for Oscar.

Out of the 91 people that said they were Hamilton fans... 74 of them also said they liked Oscar.

I do not know why this is. I thought George and Lewis were gonna be the stand outs here and they weren't. I'm a little bit confused, but at least you all sorta agree on something.

Favorite Characters:

Lafayette, John Laurens and Angelica Schuyler from Hamilton

JD and Veronica from Heathers

Enjolras and Grantaire from Les Misérables

Video Games:

Last Category, woo! Ok since I already focused on Minecraft and yapped on that a lot we are going to instead look at Detroit: Become Human. This section had the best spread overall which was nice to see. I knew the most about this section so I thought is was funny seeing how high Five Nights at Freddy's was. Though I forgot to add some of my own favorite games sadly. There's also probably a lot more pipelines here than I realize and I am sorry that I can't look into more of them.

Pipelines:

I knew coming in that Detroit: Become Human was going to be popular though I was surprised it beat out Five Night's At Freddy's.

I was not surprised though it find that George and Lewis were very popular amongst these fans.

16/43 Detroit: Become Human fans were fans of George and/or Lewis, the vast majority being both.

Favorite Characters:

Zelda and Link from The Legend of Zelda

Ghost and Soap from Call of Duty

Zagreus from Hades

Connor from Detroit: Become Human

Ganyu from Genshin Impact

Leon S. Kennedy from Resident Evil

Change In Pace: About You

So after asking all these fandom based questions I wanted to ask two about each individual: age and time spent watching. I think it's important to also study how time effects people in fandom and the fandom space as well.

Age:

For this section I looked at the average number of drivers picked during the first question. I predicted that the older you were, the less drivers you would say were your favorite and I was correct.

Below 18: 4.07 range: 1-10

18-22: 3.44 range: 1-9

23-25: 3.38 range: 1-13

26-29: 3.42 range: 1-10

30-35: 3.26 range: 1-6

36+: 2.53 range: 1-5

Time Watching F1:

I did the same analysis here as I did with the age question, so the longer you've been watching the less drivers you would say were your favorite. I was surprised by the amount of people who have been watching for less than a year (not that there's anything wrong with that). Also "My Whole Life" is a separate category because I figure it is at least 15+ and it has the added idea that F1 might be more than just a hobby to you. Finally, the orange and red are 10+(10 votes) and 15+ years (9 votes).

Less Than A Year: 3.58 , range: 1-10

1 Year: 3.62 , range: 1-11

2 Years: 3.34 , range: 1-13

3 Years: 3 , range: 1-7

4 Years: 4.19 , range: 1-9

5+ Years: 3.52 , range: 1-7

10+ Years: 3.7 , range: 2-7

15+ Years: 2.77 , range: 1-6

My Whole Life: 2.92 , range: 1-8

The End and Final Thoughts:

I am tired. This took probably 50-60 hours to do. I don't want to type anything or count Oscar's name ever again. Besides that, this was a lot of fun. Thank you to everyone who took part in this survey. Many of you left very nice and funny messages for me. Thank you to everyone who caught errors and let me know. Thank you to the wonderful people of princess George cord for their support and help. And thank you to anyone who actually reads this. I am very hungry.

If anyone notices any errors or inconsistencies please tell me and I will try my best to fix them. I am no scholar, but I really did try my best to make this as true as possible.

P.S - Thank you to Game Theory for being my background noise for the majority of this.

Midwestgp (koyya) <3

[haveihitanerve]

I discovered a glorious snippet of a video of Tom being absolutely enraged, Luke being a little shit, Sam wanting to kill himself, and AJ losing it, and decided I absolutely must share, but me being me also has thoughts- so here you are

“Was yours send her down? The way your eyes glint- very weird” Tom is scared and yet intrigued

Sams miming of a woman falling down a trap door, coupled with Luke’s maniacal evil laugh and Tom’s little smile of delight- perfection

“For such a heinous crime.” oh no! What did she do??? “She laughed at me.” …. oh.. no…?

The cackler in the audience has my heart

“Okay.” Oh no Sam- oh no- “What do you mean “okay”?” I don't like that tone of voice- Sam apologize- apologize now sam-

“I just.. I heard what you said. Affirmative.” Sam😭 sam please-

“I saw you *increases in pitch because he knows it’ll break Sam* raise your eyebrows.” little shit i love him :P

Sam: *predictably, breaks*

“What are you doing laughing at me?!?!” Luke you are evil- also Tom is like dancing with delight, he is thoroughly enjoying this. 

“Another has been terminated your- my lord.” AJ!!! You had ONE job!!! 😭

Oh Luke’s grin is evil

Aj looking away- “if i cant see him he cant see me” -captions: [uh oh]

The fear in AJ’s eyes, while Luke just waits- content to let him suffer and squirm XD

“What did you just say?” The voice again, trying to break him- Luke please have mercy-

Tom leaned forward, arm propped on one knee, thoroughly still enjoying watching the others suffer lol

“I'm sorry uh sometimes my accent wavers into- different… words.” AJ you sweet precious summer child-

Captions: [pretty much AJ’s life story]

“I said: “he's been terminated. Yo-my lord-” which is- means where i'm from-” Luke doesn't even give him a chance to finish 😭

Tom leaping up, he is ready to join the fun XD

Tom speaking slowly and carefully so he doesn't mess up lmaooo

Staring at each other in silence… waiting for one to break….

“Why are you staring at me?” ohhhh has luke got him? “Im just being attentive to you, my lord.” oh Tom is quick wit it!

“I like that… for now.” Oooooh Luke cant let anything slide lol

“Seems quite indecisesive of you my lord.” Trying to cover it up- no tom- nooooo

“It seems hhwwatttt?” Luke is taking his time, this is glorious

“Quite indecisives of you my lord.” “Quite indecises?” LMAO POOR TOM

They cant stop grinning at each other its so beautiful-

“Its a shame because i was hoping to turn the tables, but clearly i fucked it.” resigned and steps forward to die- brilliant

AJ and Sam laughing in the background because haha you thought you were better than us Tom, but we all fall mercy eventually

The way AJ and Tom are just casually standing in the back, slowly bobbing side to side because they cant sit still so why would they be able to stand still lol its so cute

Sam has just decided to dedicate to the bit and fuck everything up- icon

Oh my gods plot twist-?!?!?!?!?

*actually gasped aloud wow* 

“You look so ghostly pale brother.” “that's because i am a ghost.” WHAAAAAAAT

“Send me down.” *attempts to pull the lever* “...im a ghost.” 

Ok now we get to the aforementioned portion where everyone wants to die and Tom loses it: prepare yourselves-

“Opera.” Tom’s face- just a casual huff of breath of “oh gods no please”

The way AJ is grinning at Luke like “no. no no, babes don't do it- please” 

Luke’s stance 😭 hes so contemplating this noo but yessss

Sam: fuck it lets do it!

No sam, no no no, but yesssss

Both Tom and AJ already admitting defeat with a disappointed head in the hands pose XD

Luke casually noticing and laughing and pointing at Tom lmaooo

“We said we were gonna do a good show.” Tom sounds ready to end it all- XD

Tom and AJ communicating across stage like please no- Tom glances at Sam, but he’s already attempting to get into headspace so he doesn't lose it XD

Tom and AJ: *shrug at each other in outrage when Luke does, in fact, go with it*

Sam: *staring at the floor like he's preparing for war*

Luke: barn dance? BARN DANCE. Tom: FOR FUCKS SAKE! LMAOOOO

“Its just a word to start us off.” pretending innocence

“Its two words, you prick.” Tom has never gotten this british before- iconic XD

Luke is thoroughly enjoying everything happening

“You're gonna be in this fucking scene.” Now he has to make it official- fuck they’re such assholes to each other its glorious XD

Tom: I KNOWWW!!! OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T MIND

Poor tom 😭🤣

AJ clapping for Tom to stand up while actively trying to make himself as heavy as possible so he doesn't have to stand and join

Luke: *not letting it slide and nudging his arm to try and get him to go do it*

Hey, Sam’s not bad! He’s not singing opera, but its very pretty lol

While dissociating of course

AJ joining and them harmonizing- chefs kiss 😭

Also Luke casually running to hide in the wings so nobody ropes him in- COWARD

AJ: *starts and immediately cuts off when he realizes Sam has not continued. traitor XD*

Tom: WEEELLLLL AJ: *fights demons not to laugh- entire face scrunching as his body twitches- he did not see that coming*

“OH welcome to the barn DAaAAaaNCE!!” ok AJ’s broken, Luke has folded completely and Tom is just half singing half yelling atp- completely done with everything and everyone XD

Captions: [half singing and half cracking]

[not sure what this is actually]

Both Aj and Sam are gone LMAOOO

theyre in identical poses of disappointment and its tooo cute🫠😭

Captions: [no longer singing just cracking] im GLAaaAAD you've combined these two genres together!!! (We know you are Tom, we know XD)

“And i do not regret any of my choices in life!!” I love how actually usually AJ is the one who can and does sing, but because they all want him to suffer, they've made Tom do it instead this time, and AJ just does not lol

“My deaaRRR, Molly PeEEEELL” yes AJ!!! Hit those notes! Damn. my jaw actually dropped, that's some beautiful singing right there- high and clean, very nice. 

Casually they're just regularly singing now, but its very good and it rhymes -so well done👏10/10 would attend a concert

“Left foot forward!” good work Tom???? 😭????

Aj casually trying to take more steps??? AJ he literally said “left foot forward.” come on! XD

Luke loosing it behind the curtain -i really thought atp one of them would have forced him to join…

Luke fully loosing it XD

“Right! Foot- uh- backwaraaaaads!” sometimes i forget theyre making stuff up on the spot and then he pulls shi like this XD

Also- is he making them do the splits? Evil tom. E v i l 

AJ and Sam holding hands 😭 cuties

Sam flipping Tom off 😭XD he is making them do the splits!

Aj massaging Tom’s shoulders afterwards to like calm him down 😭 they're so cute i can’t-

So anyway this was basically Luke being a little shit and annoying everyone, while Tom tried his best to torture the other two because he was so done with everything, AJ split between dying of laughter, slaying at singing, and being resigned and disappointed(a rare sight, usually everyone is disappointed with him, not him with them) and Sam disassociating and being a ghost and also questioning why he is even friends with any of them anymore XD

So i hope you enjoyed this as much as I did and yeah :) 

@dawn-speckled @snek-of-eden

[swaggerkami]

I am thinking of Persona 4 again

I think the appeal of this game vs the other persona games is how fleshy and real it is. The characters really do get hurt, they have to hide their armor under their clothes, they get tired and have to skip school when they go too hard in the tv world. In Persona 3 and Persona 5 there's a big to-do about "the other world" and how it's kind of rooted in or projected from the subconscious but in Persona 4 they have to uncover that the tv world is the subconscious reflection of Inaba and connected to the larger subconscious of humanity. Whereas in Persona 3 and 5 it's made clear from the start that "the other world" is connected to human psychology. In Persona 4 it's a mystery that needs to unraveled and the kids are doing this while being chewed up and destroyed for real in the tv world, their lives are unequivocally in danger.

I think that's why players respond to Persona 4 so much there's so much implied agony and bodily harm in the game that just isn't there in 3 and 5. I really hope that the HD remake doesn't screw that up.

Of all the persona protagonists Yu is supposedly the one that experiences the least amount of angst, which gets pointed out a lot, but he's also the protag that a lot of players respond to the most and I think it's because of that the implied isolation and abandonment. Yu has to rise to the occasion, he doesn't have an easy time making friends and he's in an environment that could turn on him really easily (the stress of having your shadow exposed and put on display for public entertainment) whereas other protagonists are more like from superhero movies almost. They do have aspects that players can connect to obviously but I don't think they're as obviously human as Yu is. Minato is mired in depression and trauma, Akira has the mystique of being a Phantom Thief, and then there's Yu who is just...some guy. The right man in the right place at the right time.

Like despite him having the "banchou" reputation he's still the one that hurts and bleeds the most through out the course of the game. His losses and struggles are a lot more personal because of the grounded setting where the world is not at stake. Yu has a humanizing lifeline in the form of Nanako and the game makes it clear that he takes after his uncle much more than he does his mother or his biological father. By giving Yu a family that he grows closer to over time the audience connects to and humanizes him (and that's why they did the "found family" thing again in Persona 5. Not a criticism because Futaba and Sojiro are great characters and I love their dynamic with Akira, it's just important to note that Persona 4 discovered how well that works.) Despite the Investigation Team winning the day there's the implication of tragedy undergirding the whole thing. Yu is destined to be separated from his family and the people he loves the most except this time he has to be the one to leave instead of being left behind.

Persona 5's ending makes me cry every time but it's also clear that the gang is going to stay in touch with Akira. And then Persona 5 Strikers shows they're dedicated to keeping up with him and even take him on a road trip where their world expands quite a bit meeting an adult persona user and such (I still haven't played Strikers). Whereas for Yu, his isolation crashes back into the setting on the heels of his triumph. He is forced to leave Inaba. Thankfully the sequels have him coming back to visit so not all hope is lost but it's not the same as the Phantom Thieves rescuing Akira from the doldrums of his home life (whatever they may be, whether his parents are abusive, clueless/checked out, or just people that we didn't get a read on during Persona 5.)

Persona 4 has a theme of sadness and loss under everything where you can sense the doom even while there are victories. Nanako is saved, Adachi is being prosecuted for murder (and eventually has character development in the Arena games), and Yu has made a family from his friends and uncle + his cousin. But no matter what happens the year will end. Yu has to go back to Tokyo. Nanako's mother cannot come back to life, Adachi's actions cannot be undone, and Namatame will have to live with the fact that he put several people in danger and put Mayumi Yamano in the spotlight that lead to Adachi fixating on her, to the point Namatame had to watch her die and could do nothing to save her.

That's why the first anime is so incredibly perfect and I'm still in lesbians with Kili's analysis of it up on AO3. Because Kili decoded how important the anime is to Yu's development as a protagonist in the eyes of fanbase.

The final episode where Yu faces down Izanami demonstrates his conflict in full: no matter how perfect and tough Yu may seem, he is still a wounded and lonely young man that is terrified of being alone and losing everyone he loves, because he has suffered through it before. And then he watches his friends die in front of him and he ends up being put under by Izanami because he is the scapegoat for her wrath from a betrayal that happened thousands of years before he was born.

Like there are consequences and terror in Persona 4 that doesn't exist in the other Persona games. Not that P3 and P5 don't have their horrifying moments like when the Phantom Thieves are wiped out of existence and they have to watch each other melt. But that's also a bit of a one off in P5 unless you deliberately get the bad endings. In Persona 4 the fear, terror, and emotional/physical violence are always present. And the Investigation Team has to actively choose to go back into the tv world to face those horrible consequences. In Persona 5, there's always an insistence that a lot of the danger they face is a projection of psychological problems, just given a metaphysical form thanks to the fuckiness of urban fantasy. Violence in 3 and 5 is carefully segregated.

Persona 4 is just a different beast. The emotional and physical violence are out of focus until Nanako is kidnapped but that just makes it hit harder because the tv world and its consequences have finally broken through into the waking world. There is no more separation between them, no wonder the fog starts leaking into their every day world and the Investigation Team has to watch Inaba descend into paranoia, fear, and malicious cruelty. Inaba is effected over the long term and it takes the Investigation Team a while to put everything right, they have a series of battles and fights, not a big climactic battle soon after the bleed through like in Persona 3 and Persona 5. It takes time to put things right, they get hurt and take painful hits along the way, Nanako almost dies, Adachi's nihilism wants to open a hole into the screaming subconscious of mankind so that humans are eaten by the truths that they hide from as those truths (the Shadows) come crawling out of the tv world.

And I think that's why players respond to Persona 4 the way they do. There's just no other game like it.

[cherryredstars]

Hey cherry! I loved your work for a really long time and I saw you had your requests open. 💕

What about dancer!reader and a dbf!Miguel and he just loves to go to her dance recitals and competitions with her dad and smother her in the flowers he bought her as a gift afterwards <33

Pairing: dbf!Miguel O'Hara x fem!reader

Warnings: Age Gap, Secret Relationship

A/N: I did ballet for one year in kindergarten and have no idea how recitals work so take my Dance Mom knowledge instead. But I hope you enjoy and thank you, love!

Unedited

You are going to throw up.

You always feel like you're going to throw up right before your performance. Behind the stage curtain, you shake out your arms and legs, trying to loosen your joints and relax your body. The girl on stage right now is doing amazing, and while you're happy for her, you're also scared. You don't want to be lackluster in comparison.

You watch anxiously as the girl makes her final steps before her number ends, and she does her performative exit off the stage. She quickly shuffles past you once she gets behind the curtain, and you both exchange nervous nods of acknowledgment. You let out a shaky breath as you stare at the now empty stage, mouth almost thinning before you think better of it and risk smudging your lipstick. After a bit of silence, you have one of the stage crew tap your shoulder, giving you a silent show of 5 seconds before you get called on. You straighten up, getting into your entrance position just in time for the announcer to call your name and performance piece.

You enter the stage, facing the crowd as the music begins to fade in. The auditorium is dark. Only the first few rows are barely lit from them glowing stage lights. Even so, your eyes zero in on two figures near the center of the audience. You aren't exactly sure how they always find seats in the same area every time, but the dedication and consistency touch you.

When the music picks up, you begin your routine, trying to simultaneously remember to keep your face expressive and count the steps in your head. With all the fast movements, the audience in front of your blurs into one large mass. You can feel every bone in your body softening as you get into your element, muscle memory locking in as the movements become natural and almost effortless. Something in your mind buzzes with satisfaction as your entire being hones in on the carefree nature of your dance, remaining even after the music ends and you do your last step on beat.

The buzz begins to fade to make way to the applause of the audience, and you let out a breathless smile as you bask in it for a few short seconds before you find your way backstage again. A few of your friends come up to you, complimenting you on a brilliant dance. It's smiles and quiet laughter backstage as the rest of the dances and performances continue, filling the time until you all gather on stage again for a final bow and thank yous before you all disperse into the crowd. A few of your friends walk out with you, and one of your friends link your arms with theirs.

"Soooo, are you finally going to go out with us to get something to eat? This might be the last time we all dance on the same stage."

You laugh, shaking your head at your friend's dramatics. It's not even any one of your friend's last year at the studio, just an excuse to guilt trip you into going. From the corner of your eye, you can see a familiar figure staring at you. You shake off your friend, telling them off for their dramatics and giving your friend group hugs and goodbyes. Your friend groans as they're pulled away from the others, yelling back at you that you have no choice but to join them next time. You roll your eyes and wave back, watching as they leave from a side entrance.

The second they leave through the door, you gasp as a kiss is placed to the back of your neck. Your hand slaps around the area as a shiver runs down your spine, turning to find Miguel behind you. You smile, swatting his chest.

"Ew! My neck is still sweaty!" You whine, peering behind his muscular body. "Where's dad?"

Miguel hands you a bouquet a flower, and you smile as you take it from him. They're bright and pretty, smell lovely. They coincidentally match your costume, and you hold them to your chest.

"Bathroom." Miguel answers simply, leaning down to kiss your cheek. "Good job, mi luz. Looked fucking beautiful."

Your cheeks burn, and you lean up on your toes to press a returning kiss to his cheek. You're sure you look awestruck at him, lovesick better describing it. You throw your arm around his neck, your other hand jutted away to make sure the flowers aren't crushed as you hug him. Miguel's arms wrap around you, large hands planted on your up and lower back, rubbing up and down gently. You practically melt into the embrace, only pulling away when you see your father reenter the auditorium. You move to pull away, but Miguel doesn't let you leave without a quick squeeze to the ass.

You gasp in surprise, glaring at him as your dad walks up to the two of you. Your eyes are trained on Miguel's mischievous ones, mouthing You are SO dead, to him as your father pulls you into his own hug. You're practically suffocating in your dad's embrace, but you can't help but smile as he sways you back and forth as he congratulates his "little girl".

When your dad finally pulls away, he ruffs up your hair, laughing at your irritated face as it loosens your hair from the up-do. Your father throws an arms around you, Miguel trailing besides you as your father begins to walk out of the auditorium.

"Let's go get something to eat, I bet your hungry from doing all the twisting and turning."

You nod in agreement, your eyes moving over to Miguel. He smiles at you from the corner of his eye. He grabs your hand as your father begins rambling, clueless to his daughter and best friend.

Miguel gives your hand a squeeze and you hold the flowers a bit tighter.

[autisticandroids]

Ok I’m really curious, while I thought Chikhai Bardo honestly fell a bit flat and was a bit too close to just being a generic dead wife montage, I did think it at least gave Gemma *some* amount of agency, elaborated on her at least a little (still not enough tho imo, which I hope S3 rectifies). Anyway what I’m curious about is why you seem to dislike it so much, because while that irked me I couldn’t say I quite thought it was particularly repulsive (might be a blindspot on my part idk).

so there are two parts of chikhai bardo: the dead wife montage and gemma's innies. i'm going to discuss them separately.

first, my more ardent critique:

so the thing about dead wife montages. in fiction. is that they suck because they are misogynistic. but they also suck because they are lazy. the point of a dead wife montage is to convey to the audience in extremely efficient shorthand that we should Care About This Guy's Feelings For His Dead Wife And Understand Why He's Mourning Her. they are extremely economical in terms of information: all they give you is You Should Feel A Warm Fuzzy Feeling For This Woman Who You Know Nothing About. this is why people don't like them: they're not just sexist, they're cliche and manipulative. they use shorthand to the point of near parody. they're messing with your emotions in an unearned way, and they're kind of a waste of your time.

but the reason shows and movies still use them is that they are highly economical. you can use two to five minutes of screentime to introduce, explain, and kill the dead wife so the actual action (avenging her death, grieving her, trying to get her back, whatever) can begin.

severance showed me dead wife montage for half of the episode runtime. like. yes. unbelievably sexist, but also a waste of my goddamn life? twenty five minutes or so down the drain where the show conveyed almost nothing. that's actually why i initially thought it was a joke: the idea of a whole episode of a show dedicated to Dead Wife Montage is like a thing you would say to make fun of something. because dead wife montages aren't just sexist they're kind of pointless. like that's runtime of a movie/show that the writers and directors put no thought into because all it does is serve a mechanical purpose.

it is incredibly annoying to me that past gemma is given so much screentime and the show has so little to say about her. like, what do we learn in the dead wife montage? she was a professor. she likes plants. she had a miscarriage and it caused marriage problems. she had a fight with mark before the crash (which maybe caused him to blame himself for her death). and that last one is much more a thing about HIM than her! the plants thing is also more about him: we learn that he doesn't quite listen to her but he tries, and then she forgives him. mark is the agent in that interaction. which makes sense, it's HIS memory. and that's the other thing isn't it: we aren't seeing gemma, we're seeing his memory of her.

also, if you are ever planning on making a woman's CENTRAL CHARACTER TRAIT and i mean her CENTRAL CHARACTER TRAIT being sad about a miscarriage, consider: not doing that. like quite literally the only time we ever see her really do anything other than react to mark in the montage is 1) when we see her tell devon she's pregnant and 2) when we see her cry in the shower. that's IT.

but also beyond my critique of the misogyny, here's like. a quick reimagining of the flashback parts of chikhai bardo if they were good and not a waste of time:

gemma comes home from work. she gets a glass of water in the kitchen. mark walks in and they avoid each other's eyes. maybe gemma reminds mark about the party (it was a party, right, that she was going to?) and he gives a non-committal answer, or just an "mm." this tells the audience two things: one is that this is a flashback, obviously, and the other is that there is a strain here between the two of them.

next scene: gemma reaches out to mark (emotionally or maybe physically) and he rebuffs her. calmly, maybe a little bit passive aggressively. but she is clearly stung. she dumps her water and pours herself a whiskey instead.

next scene: gemma goes to her bedroom and sits on the bed, obviously depressed. she switches on the television and something symbolic plays. or she looks at her phone, or picks up a book. or even looks at the chikhai bardo cards. whatever. we do the symbolism in this segment.

next scene: we start on mark at his stupid typewriter. gemma comes in obviously tipsy and ready to lash out, and once she does mark matches her energy. they have a knockdown, drag out argument about... something. either it's not clear what they're fighting about, or they're obviously fighting as a proxy for something else. at one point, one of them picks up a [baby toy] [piece of wood obviously from not yet assembled furniture] [screwdriver] [something like that] and throws it at the wall. in the background, you can just make out the ikea box for a crib. this allows the discerning audience member to pick up on the foreshadowing, and the less discerning audience member to have an a-ha! moment when they get to the crib disassembly scene in the finale.

next scene: the fight continues, but gemma accidentally cuts herself on something while she's gesticulating. mark immediately softens and rushes to clean the cut and get her a bandaid. we show the audience that this marriage may be on the rocks but there is still love here and gentleness, this relationship is salvageable, times are just hard right now.

next scene: i don't know, they make nice or something. but then one of them puts their foot in their mouth somehow, and the coldness returns.

final scene: gemma tries to get mark to come to the party with her (as an obvious attempt to repair bridges) but he won't. she goes anyway because she's mad. the audience realizes with dawning horror that this is the night of the crash.

this does the things that the dead wife montage does (shows us mark and gemma Before; sets up Sad Miscarriage; shows us a reason for mark to blame himself for gemma's death) but it's not boring. and it shows gemma doing things and making choices, it lets us get to know her as a character. probably a better writer than me could do more justice to it, i just thought of this in five minutes and it's super cliche. but it's something that would get us 1) a chikhai bardo that is not a waste of all our lives, and 2) an actual character study on gemma and on gemma and mark's relationship. instead of a dead wife montage. you'll notice that this rewrite doesn't actually address my political critiques! it still centers on Sad Miscarriage Plotline! which is like fundamentally misogynist and not less so if it's better written. it still centers gemma's personhood on mark, which, ditto. so the symbolism girlies who are sooooooo excited to see a woman's personhood being attached to her ability to reproduce can be satisfied.

because like. the misogyny of the dead wife montage sucks ass. but it's also just insulting.

it would also allow gemma to emote and be complex and have thoughts and needs etc. in a way that ms. casey does not. more on that in a moment.

second, my more nuanced critique:

i would really, really have liked to like the innie bits of chikhai bardo. the whole "dozens of innies, each given a unique sort of everyday suffering, forever" premise is like so deliciously fucked up. it's a beautiful extension of the "severed to give birth" plotline in season one. and it's really miserable to watch! "my hand hurts" is such a chilling line. like that really has some get up and go as a horror premise. it like brings you back to the fundamental horror of the severance premise in such a sick way.

but the thing is...

okay. record scratch. so in season one when we first met ms. casey, my first thought was "hey man, this is kind of racist."

like her eternal smiling calm, her submissive gentleness, the fact that she appears to have no personality outside her role... well. Yeah Of Course You Cast An Asian Woman For That.

and then we find out she's an innie. and gemma's innie, at that. and i'm like, okay. benefit of the doubt. they're going to subvert this. we are going to see gemma scout kicking and screaming, desperate to escape next season. or we are going to see her totally suppressed, because they can't control her except through brainwashing.

and then chikhai bardo begins, and we see ms. casey smilingly calm, submissively gentle, cheerily submitting to her role and noncommittally answering questions and being led around empty-headedly. and then i realize oh god. this isn't ms. casey. this isn't another innie. this is gemma scout. this is just what she's like.

(it's interesting that the only parts of her which are not like that are her multiple innies. her mini-innies, as it were. the ones in the rooms who go through the tortures) (check this post out for thoughts on the fact that we're not really meant to care about them).

like the thing is. it's one thing that her innie is like that. you can convince an innie that almost anything is normal, because they don't know what's normal. they're new people under your absolute power. but gemma scout knows what the world is like and presumably knows she's being held captive against her will and she's just like. chillin. she doesn't even think of rebellion until they mention (drumroll) her husband. because a woman only exists in relation to her husband. she makes a break for it as though she has never yet, in three whole years, considered trying to escape. because she is so obedient. so subservient. so consumed by her role.

and if you look at the finale this holds true! gemma is clearly herself when she's not in the rooms, because she recognizes mark and cheerfully escapes with him!

and then in the elevator, ms. casey wakes up kissing mark, and says "what is taking place?" which. i must say. killer laugh line. but then she doesn't react really at all after that. she doesn't push mark away. she doesn't refuse to go with him. she doesn't get freaked out that he's covered in blood. she just passively lets him drag her through the hallways without emotion.

because that is gemma's core character trait, other than being sad miscarriage lady, i guess. calm passivity. man that's fucking racist.

[i feel like i want to add something about how the episode racialized her? the title + her in the dress at the white man's feet + the cards + etc. but i don't have my thoughts together on it + don't really have the words and concepts to express them. someone else could analyze that though.]