#i don't know a way through the dilemma that's fair to me

[slippery-minghus]

love love love when i take the initiative to do a thing and share it with someone else because if i'm going to do a thing i'm going to do it with the level of diligence i need, not wait for someone else to figure it out half as much and, well, cooking for two is just as easy as cooking for one, so might as well share.

and then i mess up.

and the other person suffers now too because they relied on me to do the thing, and didn't look into it themselves and took my Doing as accurate and true. (when maybe. if we'd have had two pairs of eyes on the issue to start, the fatal flaw would've been caught. but we all know that's besides the point)

and i just. i hate how often this happens. i'm an acts of service kinda guy, this is how i show i care, but then i fuck up. inevitably. because i'm human or something else irredeemable.

and i don't know how to ask people to meet me halfway on this sort of thing when most people don't think or operate the way i do. and the help i would ask for would never be satisfactory... and i'd just end up doing it all over myself.

[noideabutsims]

 [Exciting Announcement! 🎉] Donut Co.'s Pre-School Play Set is ALMOST HERE!

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Behind the Scenes:

This project was a labor of love that faced its fair share of challenges. We dealt with so many snags, for a moment we didn't know if this set would be finished or released at all. But a HUGE thank you goes out to @taurusdesign for all the help they have given with this project. They are the only reason this set is able to be released, as they were able to help me fix all the meshing issue and the shadows. From technical hiccups to design dilemmas, we've poured our hearts (and a few tears) into bringing you the best possible experience. But trust us, it's been worth every minute, and the finished product is just around the corner! Truth about shadows: There is one small issue that is noticed, that I can not find a solution for. There are some shadows before placing a few of the objects, but they disappear as soon as the objects are actually placed (Pictured below). I am not sure how to fix this, so this may end up in the final project, unless someone has an idea in which case please let me know! <3

Get Ready to Play!

Stay tuned for the official launch date – it's coming VERY soon! In the meantime, start dreaming up the amazing creations your Sims will build with these new additions.

Thank You!

We couldn't have made it to this point without your unwavering support and enthusiasm. Your patience throughout this journey means the world to us. So, from the bottom of our sim-loving hearts, THANK YOU! We can't wait to see the amazing creations your Sims will build with these new additions.

Stay Tuned for the Big Day! 💖🍩

[justwhisperingfantasies]

Memories Part 3 (final)

Characters: Dean Winchester x Female Reader, Sam Winchester, Castiel. Mick Davies. Mention of other SPN characters.

Warnings: memory wipe, language, angst, cute dean, fluff, not exactly cannon, light smut (more steamy than smutty) losing people, let me know if I forgot any.

A/N: This is the last chapter of my first-ever fanfic. Go easy on me. Thanks for the likes and the reblogs Enjoy

Summary: You've had your memory wiped and sent off to your death. Sam, Dean, and Cas save you just before it is too late. the guys struggle with being strangers to you after all the years you have shared. You are forced into a life-altering dilemma.

Word count: 5,217 words

************************************************************************

Your heart started racing. Your breath was unsteady.  Your hands slowly made their way up his arms up to his neck. You could feel the goosebumps on his skin just from your touch.  Staring into those mossy green eyes you tried to fight the urges. But fuck it right. You close your eyes and feel his hand on your face, gently rubbing your cheek with his thumb. “You sure, (y/n)?” he whispers. You don't say a word, you pull his lips into yours. Sparks flew. His lips were silky soft and so full. In this moment you felt the passion, the heat the two of you shared. And that heat turned into hunger. Into need. His tongue grazed your lips asking permission. You parted them granting it. You could taste the lingering whiskey. You felt his hands find their way to your ass. His large hands gripped it as he picked you up. Your legs automatically wrapped around his hips. Your fingertips gripping his back. You could feel him getting harder against you and that made your fire grow even hotter. You wanted him. You needed him. He carried you over to the bed, gently laid you down and you felt his weight follow. He kissed your lips, then trailed over your cheek, then down to your neck, planting soft kisses along the way. “God baby. I missed you so much.” his breath was hot against your skin. You didn't know what to say, it's not like you could say I missed you too. You started to think about the situation. Was this really fair to him? You liked Dean and obviously found him attractive. From the pictures you saw you knew you loved him before everything had happened, but without the memories could you reciprocate the love he had for you at this very minute? Tears started swelling in your eyes and spilled out before you could stop them.

“Hey. Hey.” he stopped everything and started wiping your tears. “What's wrong? “ he slid beside you and pulled you into his arms. “I'm sorry. I should have stopped. I should have… I just got caught up in the moment. I am so sorry.”

“You didn't do anything wrong Dean. I'm sorry.”

“Why the hell would you be sorry?”

Just then there was a knock on the door. “Hey guys,” Castiel called awkwardly through the door. 

“Yeah Cas,” Dean yelled with a sigh.

“Sam says he's not reheating the food again.”

Just the mention of food made you realize how hungry you were and your stomach started growling like crazy again. 

Dean looked at you with raised eyebrows. 

“What do you expect? I haven't eaten all day. The hosts of this place kinda suck. “ you teased.

He chuckled. “Are you sure you're ok? We’re ok?”

“Yes, Dean. I initiated it just as much as you. You didn't do anything wrong.”

“And you did?!” your stomach growled again. “We’ll finish this after you get some food.” you nodded.

He took your hand and led you out of the room. 

************************************************************************

“Finally. I’m Hank Marvin over here.” Mick exclaimed. He and Sam were at the set table, waiting. 

“Shut up and move over,” Dean told him. Mick did. Dean sat in the middle seat. He looked at you then the empty chair. You went over and sat down. Sam put some food on your plate with the biggest smile on his face. You look up and everyone is staring at you. You knit your brows and raise your chin. 

“What?!” 

Sam laughed. “Well try it.”

“Can we not start at (y/n) while she eats?” being the center of attention always made you uncomfortable. 

Everyone looked off in different directions smiling. Sam put some on his plate and then passed the dish to Cas. 

You took a bite. You gave a mmmm as you chewed. Sam looked pleased.

“Sam Winchester. This is freaking amazing!” You said after you swallowed. 

“I'm glad you approve.” He said giddily. 

You noticed Castiel giving you a strange Look. You raised an eyebrow. He shook his head and started eating. What the hell was that about? You decided you'd question him about it later. You didn't want to ruin the mood. 

After everyone was done you started gathering plates. “Thanks, Sam. That was great.”

“No problem. I can get those.”

“Um, no you cooked. I can clean up.”

“I'll help.” Dean offered. As he picked up the plates you couldn't carry.

“Sam, didn't you say you had a book you wanted to show me?” Castiel asked kinda weird and raised his eyebrows a couple of times.

Sam picked up on the hint. “Uh yeah, it's in the library.” He got up and started walking that way. 

“Okay,” Cas said as he got up and started following.

“What's going on? Why are you being weird?” Sam asked when they got far enough away. 

“Did anyone tell (y/n) your last name?” 

“I didn't, but I know she and Dean were looking at some pictures, maybe it came up?” 

“or she's remembering stuff on her own and not even realizing it.“Mick walked up to the other side of the table. 

“Can that happen?” Sam asked, “Is it bad?”

“ I know when she was at the base she started resisting and asking questions out of nowhere.”

A light bulb went on in Sam's head. “Cas, do you remember when I got my soul back and death put the wall up? I was told not to scratch, but I did and had to go through that whole soul journey thing. Then I remembered everything that happened while in the cage?” 

Castiels face lit up. “Yes, maybe it's just like that. Being here and looking at old pictures made her start to scratch. Now things are coming through.” 

They both looked at Mick. “ I guess you could describe it as something like that when they do a mind wipe, but I don't think the whole soul journey thing fits.” 

“So maybe you can break hers like you did mine.” 

“Which way would be easier on her?” Cas asked Mick. 

“I'm not really sure. I'm sorry lads I've never been this hands-on in a mind-wiping restoring memories case. And from what I've read nobody has ever scratched at the wall before.” He used air quotes while saying the metaphor. “I don't think either way is gonna be that easy on her though. Remembering all the bad shit at once is gonna be hard regardless.”

“I guess we'll just talk to her and see what she wants.”  

“Dean seems to think she might not even want them back at all.,” Sam confessed.

“I've already had this conversation with her. She definitely wants them back.”

************************************************************************

You start the dishwater as Dean brings the rest of the dirty dishes over. “I'll wash and rinse if you want to dry and put away?” You ask him. 

“Whatever you want princess.” he smiled. “ You wanna tell me why you seem to think you did something wrong?”

“Not really”

“You agreed.” you turned the water off and kept your eyes down. 

You took a deep breath and explained to him what was going on in your head. “ But when I get my memories back it will be better. I can love you the way you love me.”

“I ain't worried about me right now.”

“Well I am Pookie so get over it.”

“What the hell did you just call me?”

“What Pookie?” you chuckled “I was trying to annoy you enough to distract you from the conversation.” He stared at you with bewilderment. “Did it work?” you asked slowly. He turned and walked out without a word. You stood there dumbfounded. “Really Dean? it was just a joke..” You yelled and you were a little mad now. You followed him into the library.

“Sam!” 

“What's wrong?” Sam asked in dismay. 

“She just called me Pookie. She said she was trying to annoy me.”

Sam looked at you. Then his face lit up and you swear the corners of his mouth were touching his ears. 

“Um, does anyone wanna fill me in?” you asked.

Dean laughed. “ You used to call me Pookie all the damn time. At first, it was to annoy me. And oh did it annoy me. Then it just kinda stuck.” 

“Question,” Sam said, turning to Dean. “Did you tell (y/n) our last name at all?”

“No. I don't think so.”

“So she is remembering things.” Castiel chimed in. 

“Hello?! I'm the one everyone is talking about. Can we pretend like I have a right to be in the conversation?”

“ Sorry (y/n)” Sam apologized. He explained everything about getting his soul back, the wall, scratching it, and how Cas broke it. “ although I don't know if will be exactly like my experience. I lost my soul. I think the British men Of letters just put a blocker of some sort on your memories.” 

“Yes it's something like that, I do think it's gonna be hard for you to remember all the bad stuff at once, but I don't think it's going to be as bad as Sam's experience.”

“But won't she remember the good stuff too? Won’t it kinda balance out?” Dean asked. 

“Like I explained to your brother and Cas. I've never been this hands-on on a case like this before. So I'm not entirely sure how all this is gonna work. If she would rather Castiel break the wall.” Mick used air quotes again. “ We can try it. Or we can try sending someone in her brain. It's up To you love.” 

Everyone turned to you. “Um..” You didn't know what to say. You wanted your memories back, but The idea of sending someone into your brain freaked you out. 

“We could try to read more about it.” Sam offered. 

“I don't think there's much to read on it, Sam.” Castiel chimed in again. “I mean yes on the Men of Letters way, but we still wouldn't be able to compare the two”

“Well if we do it their way at least someone would be there to help her,” Dean said. 

“That's a good point,” Cas said. 

“Cas Just break it.” Everyone turned to you. “Seriously I'm tired of talking about it and the idea of sending someone into my mind freaks me the Fuck out.” 

“(Y/n) You sure?” Castiel asked you.

“Yep. Let's do it.” 

Cas walked up to you and started to lift His hand.

“Wait you're just gonna do it right here, right now?” Dean was kind of bummed you didn't want his help, but he understood and respected your privacy. He turned to you. “ when Sam’s broke he passed out. I think you should lie or at least sit down just in case. Cas takes her upstairs. Either her room or the cave.”

“But Dean… “ Sam started to argue 

“Cas will yell if he needs us, Sammy. She doesn't need to be stared at while going through this.”

Aw, my hero you thought. You kissed him on the cheek. Then you and Cas walked out. 

“I think she will be fine. Maybe depressed for a day or two, but she's tough and I really don't think it's gonna be the same as Sam's experience.” Mick encouraged them. 

“Yeah. I know.” Dean said. 

************************************************************************

Castiel stopped in front of the hallway leading to your room. “ Where do you want to do this (y/n)?”

“I don't care. I just wana get this over with Cas.” 

He continued down the hallway. “The couch Dean put in the cave is ridiculously comfy.”

“Awesome,” you said in a sarcastic tone. 

“Don't be scared.”

“Easier said than done, buddy,”

“I know, but if I truly thought you were going to not be okay after I wouldn't have agreed to do this. 

You guys made it to the cave. There was a big TV on the wall, a huge couch, and a bar in the corner. Simple but it had a cozy feel to it. You plumped down on the couch. “Oh wow, this is super comfy.”

“Well, I told you.” He paused and sat beside you. “ Are you ready for this?” 

“Yes.”

“I suggest trying to focus on the good memories. It might make it easier.”

“Okay”

You were nervous, but you trusted these guys 100% you knew they loved and cared for you. 

“3…  2…  1…” You felt his fingers on your forehead.

There was a heat coming off of them, but it wasn't physically painful though. Then all of a sudden memories just started flashing in your mind. 

Your first date with Dean, you guys were 16. He packed a picnic basket of your favorite takeout. After eating, you spent the rest of the night cuddled up talking, laughing, and star-gazing by the lake.  Aw the lake, so many firsts there, first date, first kiss, losing your virginities in the back of the impala. It became our spot and your favorite spot in the world, Right down the road from Bobby’s. 

Oh, Bobby Singer. You knew him your whole life. He was your non-biological father. The tears started falling. The love you have for that man is unfathomable. He taught you everything you knew about hunting and life. He was there for you when you had no one. He helped you through so much. He would always look after you when your mom went on a hunt. He went through all the steps to legally adopt you when she was killed.  

Your mother. So strong so independent. The only person you ever saw her lea on was Bobby. Everyone is always saying you are just like her. She was your rock. Your safe space. Taken from you at such a young age. You begged her to take you with her on her last hunt. She was hunting a rugaru in Oregon and said you weren’t ready yet. Maybe she was right. You were only 14 at the time. But maybe you could have helped. Maybe you could have saved her. It killed you that you would never know. You openly sobbed now.

You heard Castiel's voice. “Think of a good memory.”  Good memory. Good memory you thought. It was the first time Dean told you he loved you.  It was after your first hunt together. You were 19  and it was the first time you got fatally hurt. He was sitting beside your hospital bed and thought you were asleep. “You can't leave me, I love you.” That was his exact words. 10 years later he finally openly said it to you. After all the years you had spent apart and after he came back from hell. 

You thought about the time you spent apart. You guys were 22. Dean was always on the road with John. Who didn't really think Dean should be tied down. “You have a job to do Son, and being that involved with someone could cloud your decision-making. Not to mention if anything happened to either of you. A hunter’s life doesn't have a place for spouses” You could hear John’s voice in your head. Maybe his dad finally brainwashed him. Maybe he didn't have Sam telling him to hold on anymore. Maybe he was just young and didn't want to be tied down. Maybe it was the look in your eye every time he left that made him break things off. Doesn't matter the reason it still broke your heart. 

Bobby’s place held too many painful memories. You need a clean slate. You needed someplace new with no memories of Dean Winchester. 

So Bobby called his friend in New England. She owned a hunter bar. He asked her if she needed someone to help out and hunt if need be. Ellen took you in with open arms. She became your aunt figure almost instantly. You would do anything she asked of you and more. The roadhouse became your second favorite spot. Flashes of you helping at the bar, Ash teaching you most of his computer skills, and knocking Jo down a peg on Big Game Hunter after she'd been hustling the guys all day. Jo was like your little sister. Although you guys didn't really get along at first, after about a year you guys were inseparable. She would always get so pissed when you went on a hunt. Ellen tried, but hunting was in your blood. You didn't stray too far away from the bar and since you had met Blake you never went alone. Blake was your unofficial boyfriend and hunting partner. You had a love for Blake, but nobody else would ever have your heart the way Dean did. You and Blake were together for about 3 years. You guys got into a fight and he went hunting alone. He never made it back. 

Your mother, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Blake. They were your family. They all held such a special place in your heart. And they were gone.

Your heartbeat became rapid. Your breaths were shallow and painful. You felt like you were going to pass out. You instinctively pulled your knees up and put your head between them hugging your lower legs. With the quick movement you fell over into Castiel’s Lap. he wrapped his arms around you while you openly sobbed.

************************************************************************

Dean was drumming his fingers on the table. “Dude. Stop. Like you said Cas will yell if something is wrong.” Sam said annoyed while on his laptop. 

“Yea. I can still worry though. Whatcha lookin' for over there?”

“Well, Jody called. She said there might be a case a couple of counties over from Sioux Falls. I was just looking into it.”

“Is it anything?”

“There are some signs of a ghoul.”

“You guys really aren't considering going on a hunt right now?!” Mick said as held two beers out for the boys. They reached up for them. They both nodded thanks as they took them. 

“ Of course not. I talked to Garth last night he's up in that area. He told me if I found anything interesting let him know and he’d check it out.” 

Dean pulled out his phone. He needed something to distract him, but before he could stop it he was texting Cas. How’s it going up there? He paused before he hit send and then deleted the message. He wanted to give you space and give Cas time to help you. He put his phone down on the table and started drumming his fingers again. Sam cleared his throat annoyed again.

“Yeah I’ll go find something to do,” he said as he stood up grabbing his beer and phone. He found himself wandering towards the garage. He flipped The lights on as he walked in. There was a car covered by a tarp that caught his eye. “Ah, perfect.” With everything That happened this project has slipped his mind. He walked over to the system that you had installed. He plugged his phone in and tapped Shuffle On the Playlist you made with him. Panama your favorite Van Halen song starts to play. He can't help But smile. He sings to himself as he walks over and pulls The tarp away. Revealing a 1971 Chevelle. It's a total mess. Rust everywhere, mismatched body pieces, vines growing in places, and broken windows. This was gonna be a big job, but he knew the look on your face when it was done would be worth it. He continued to sing and got to work. 

************************************************************************

You finally managed to stop crying, but just laid there, you didn’t know for how long. You had a pounding headache, and your eyes were swollen and sore. Castiel lightened his hold. 

“(y/u) do you need anything?” 

You shook your head no.

“Is there anything I can do?”

You shook your head again. 

He tightened his arms again and then let go. He walked over to the mini fridge behind the bar and brought a bottle of water back over to you  “ You should drink some.”

“I'm fine.” your voice cracked. 

“Please.” he pleaded. 

Damnit. You couldn't say no when he said please like That. With a heavy sigh, you sat up, took the water, and put it up to your lips. As it hit your throat you realized how thirsty you were and before you knew it the bottle was empty. 

“ Well you didn't have to drink it all in one go, but thank you,” Cas said with a smile. 

“You bet.” You raised your hands to your hand. God your head felt like it would explode. Castiel put his palm on the top of your head and suddenly the pain was gone. 

“Thank you.” You said looking up at him. He opened his mouth but you cut him off. “ For everything Cas. You have always been there for me and  You have saved me more times than I can count. I don't know what I would do without you. And not I'm Not just Talking about your angel healing powers.”

His eyes got a little misty. “ (y/n) You're welcome. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without you either. I will always be there for you.” 

You stood up a Little shaky And wrapped your arms around him. He reciprocated the hug.  

“You ok?” He asked pulling You back to look at you.

“I'm not 100%, but I'll get there.”  you smiled and he smiled back. “Well, we should probably go check on the boys.”  You squeezed him one more time and released him. 

You both headed for the door. 

“So.” Cas sat walking down the hall.”Can I hear one of those good memories?”

“Do you remember when we hunted down that Djinn? Just you and me.”

He chuckled. “I think that was my second or third hunt. Although I think you did most of the hunting. I was just there for moral support. 

“Yeah. You were pretty terrible.” you both chuckled “ But I think that's when you and I became best friends. So it's one of my favorites” You saw his cheeks get pink and he smiled.

You stopped in the hallway leading to your Bedroom. “I'm gonna freshen up real fast.” 

“Don't you want me to wait for you?”

“No, You don't have to. I'll just be a minute.” He gave you a questioning look. “Cas I'm good I swear.”

And you really were. Yes, you still felt the sadness, but you felt better than you had in months. 

“OK. Yell if you need anything.” He said as he started to walk away. 

You nodded and made your way to your bedroom. The room is even more heartwarming than when you entered it the other day. All the great memories in this room made most of the sadness slip away. You made sure not to look at the dresser, it was too soon for pictures. You went into the bathroom. You weren't planning on taking a shower, but it sounded too good to say no.

************************************************************************ 

Castiel made his way into the library. Sam and Mick were sitting at the first table. They both looked up. Sam was on the phone. He nodded when he saw Cas. “Yeah, Garth. I think there’s something there. If you could just take a look for me.”  “I'm not sure. Cas just walked in now. I'll call you back as soon as we find out everything.”  “Thanks, I will.” he tapped the phone and put it on the table. 

“So?” Sam asked as you looked up at Cas. 

“It was pretty rough. I've never seen (y/n) cry like that before, but she seems to be doing better. She's upstairs freshening up right now. I think she will be okay.”

Sam sighed in relief. “Good. So she remembers everything?”

“Yes. Everything.” Cas confirmed. 

“Good, good,” Mick said. 

Castiel said down with a heavy sigh. 

“You okay Cas?” Sam asked. 

“Yeah, just hated seeing her in pain and there was literally nothing I could do.”

“I'm sure you helped her more than you know.” Sam comforted him. 

Cas looked around the room. “Where’s Dean?”

“Oh, Ringo Starr was getting on Sam’s nerves. So he kicked Dean out of the library.” Mick said chuckling

Cas and Sam both laughed. 

************************************************************************

Dean was working away. He had cleaned all the vines and guck off. Now he was working on buffing off the rust. His text tone went off on the loudspeakers. He dropped what he was doing and hurried to his phone. 

Cas: Where are you?

He couldn’t help but panic a little.

Dean: What's wrong? Is (y/n) okay?

Cas: Calm down she’s fine.  Where are you?

Dean: Garage. 

He hurried back over to the car to cover it. He didn't want you to see it until it was done. 

Dean was disappointed when Castiel walked in alone. 

Cas could see it on his face “ She went upstairs to refresh. She’s really going to be okay Dean.” he reassured him. 

Dean's face eased with relief. “Does she remember everything?” 

“Yes.”

“Good!” 

Castiel looked down at Dean’s coveralls they were filthy and then around the room “ What are you working on?” 

“You can’t say anything. Promis me Cas.”

“Okay?” 

They walked over to the tarp-covered car. Castiel’s eyes went wide when Dean peeled back the tarp. 

“Is that Bobby’s old Chevelle?”

“ She sure is,” Dean exclaimed very proud of himself. 

“How did you?”

“Well couple of years back Sammy and I saw it at his old place. I went back a couple of days later, borrowed a tow truck, and stashed it at Jody’s for a while. I wanted to wait until I had time to work on it before bringing it here. With all madness that we were going through I kinda forgot about it. 4 months ago Jody called me and told me she needed her barn back. I brought it here. With (y/n) missing, the only thing I could think about was finding her. So the Chevelle kinda slipped my mind again. I was getting on Sammy’s nerves earlier so I came here to find something to do. Kinda perfect I thought.”

“Dean. She’s really going to love it!”

Dean smiled. “I know! I still have a lot to do. It's going to be a complete restore.”

“But it will be worth it.”

“Absolutely!”  

“So how is she?”

Castiel explained everything while Dean got cleaned up. “Well, I'm glad she’s home with her memories back. I just hate she had to go through it all again.” Cas agreed with a nod and they walked towards to door. Dean stopped. “I gotta grab something. I’ll catch up.” Cas continued walking. 

Dean grabbed an item out of the Impala and headed toward the library.

************************************************************************

You felt so much more relaxed after your scorching hot shower. The memories you had in it didn't hurt either. You dried off as you made your way to the closet. You found your favorite pair of jeans and your favorite v-neck back t-shirt. You finished drying and then got dressed. You went into the bathroom and squeezed your hair with a towel. You put some mouse in your hand flipped your head down and scrunched your hair.  When you got just the right curl you flipped your head back up. Your eyes went to the small hook where your necklace should be. It wasn't there. It had been a long time, but you're pretty sure you left in the same place you always did before a hunt. So you slipped your boots on and headed for the garage. 

You made it to the bottom of the stairs. You swirled around to the garage and looked up.

There he was. The man that had your heart. Your whole body froze and your knees went weak. Butterflies dancing in your stomach. His spikey short brown hair. His face beaming with the biggest smile you've ever seen on his face.  The scruff on the lower half. He usually didn't let his facial hair grow out, but damn did it look good on him. Hell, everything looked good on him. He had the dark green henley on that you bought him. Clingy to his broad shoulders and muscular upper body. The jeans he had on snugging his hips just right. You took it all in. he took a step and you did the same your steps turning into a sprint the closer you got. His arms opened and you jumped into his embrace. Your lips were on his instantly. Your legs and arms are already wrapped around him. You realized you had been wrong about your favorite spot. Though you loved the lake nothing could ever compare to being in Dean’s arms. You put everything into that kiss. All the love and passion you have ever felt for him. And you could feel him doing the same.

He turned and took a couple of steps. You felt the wall on your back. You unwrapped your legs and your feet found the floor. You felt one of his hands on your neck while the other was supporting his weight above your head. He rested his forehead on yours. Your lips were still so close you could feel his rapid breaths on yours. 

“Baby.. “ he tried to say but you cut him off. 

“I know..” you knew he was going to say how much he missed you, but you didn't need to hear it. You already felt it. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you in for a hug and his face found the crook of your neck. Your arms around his neck and head on his shoulder. He hugged hard once then pulled back some so he could see your face, your arms still around each other.

“How are you feeling?”

“Better now.”

He smiled. “Seriously?”

“Dean seriously. Yes, a lot of bad shit happened. Yes, it still hurts. But when I'm with you it hurts a lot less.” he smiled. “ and while we on on his subject. If you pull the shit of me being better off without you, or putting me in harm's way thing again I'm going to.” he cut you off with a kiss. It was short and sweet. But every kiss of Dean’s was great. 

“I got it,” he said chuckling. He turned to walk away and put his hand out for you.

“I gotta grab something outta the Impala real fast.” you turned to walk into the garage. He caught your arm and spun you back around. He pulled the chain with 2 wedding rings on it out of his pocket. You couldn't help but smile. Then pulled a single band out of his other pocket and put it on the chain with the other 2. 

“I think my mom would be elated to know her wedding ring is beside Karen’s and your mother’s.” He gestured to put it on. You grabbed your hair out of the way as you turned. “ around the neck of his oldest son’s true love.” your eyes watered. You turned around and kissed him on the cheek.

“Thank you. I love you, Dean.”

“I love you too baby, I'm so happy you’re back.”

[cherryrainn]

hey i’m wondering if you write for male reader? if you do can you write Onceler x Male reader smut? it’s perfectly cool if not, i just love your writing! make sure to stay hydrated ‼️

hey!! TYSM!! THAT MEANS SM <33 and of course i can write this for you. again, not an expert at smut but i try

☽ ༚  ༵ ۰ ✧ ۰  ༵ ༚ ༵ ۰ ✧ ۰ 

— corporate romance

onceler (greedler) x male reader

you took a deep breath as you approached onceler's office. the polished wooden door stood as a formidable barrier between you and the answer to your current dilemma. clutching a stack of papers and trying to ignore the fluttering nerves in your stomach, you reminded yourself of your worth.

working for onceler had been an opportunity filled with both challenges and excitement. you admired onceler's entrepreneurial spirit and the way he effortlessly captivated everyone around him. but deep down, there was something more than admiration. a small ember of attraction flickered in your heart, igniting a gentle crush that you had tried your best to keep hidden.

today, however, everything seemed to align—a perfect storm of bravery, necessity, and desire pushing you to take a step forward. it was time to ask onceler for a raise, a fair acknowledgement of your skills and contributions. despite the fear of rejection, the lure of a more substantial paycheck drowned out the doubts.

summoning your courage, you knocked on onceler's office door and pushed it open, revealing a spacious room adorned with eccentric decorations and the scent of freshly brewed coffee lingering in the air. onceler, with his trademark green tailcoat and expressive sun glasses and hat, looked up from his work, surprised by your presence.

"good afternoon, sir," you greeted, trying to sound confident. "can i have a moment of your time?"

onceler's gaze met yours, his eyebrows raising in curiosity. a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips as he leaned back in his chair, a picture of self-assuredness. "ah, my hardworking underling seeking an audience with me. what brings you here?"

you took a deep breath, steeling yourself against his charismatic charm. "i wanted to discuss my compensation, sir. i believe it's time for a raise."

onceler's eyes sparkled with amusement as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. "oh, really now? and why do you think you deserve such a favor from me? tell me why you're worth every penny of a higher salary."

you squared your shoulders, determined to present your case. "i've been working tirelessly, putting in long hours and going above and beyond to meet deadlines and exceed expectations, sir."

onceler let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. "that's not how this works, dearie. as much as i would love to reward you for your efforts, it isn't about you—it's all about me."

you frowned in confusion, feeling like you were missing something. "but-"

"no, no, i know you're good at what you do," onceler said soothingly, placing a hand on your shoulder. "but that doesn't mean I'm going to pay you just because you deserve it."

your stomach twisted into knots as you felt a wave of panic rush through your mind. you trembled slightly, gripping the papers in your hands tightly. "i don't understand, sir. i thought we could be on the same page."

onceler gave you a reassuring smile. "don't worry, dear. i get these kinds of requests often. you see, there are two different ways to approach this. one is to prove your value to me. the other is to plead your case until you wear me down."

"plead my case?" you blurted out, feeling as if you were about to explode. "why can't we just talk things out like adults?"

onceler chuckled softly. "because that's not how I roll."

you stared at him wide-eyed, unable to process what he was saying. "what do you mean?"

onceler stood up from his desk, walking around behind it and leaning over the table so his face was directly in front of yours. "let me spell it out for you boy," he told you sweetly, "if you want your raise, you need to convince me to give it to you. you know how to do that, right?"

you shook your head numbly, mouth agape. "i...i don't understand, sir."

"there's nothing to understand," he replied, his voice growing stern. "we both know your worth. whether or not i decide to pay you what you think you deserve will depend entirely on your ability to sway me."

you swallowed thickly, taking another deep breath. "i'm not asking for anything unreasonable. i've done my best and i've earned a raise."

onceler put his hands on your shoulders and squeezed gently, turning your chin toward him. "and i know how well you've done. so let me show you how this works." he placed his lips on yours, kissing you deeply and passionately. the moment his tongue slid across your own, you lost control of yourself.

onceler pulled away from you, cupping your cheek and looking deep into your eyes. "see, that wasn't too bad, was it?"

you blinked rapidly, your cheeks burning with embarrassment. "i..i didn't think you'd…"

onceler chuckled, shaking his head. "shh shh, don't worry about it. my mind never wanders far. especially when i'm talking to someone as handsome as you." he leaned closer, pressing his lips to your ear. "this isn't about what i want, now is it? it's about what you want." he placed his hand on your chest, stroking your skin softly as he trailed kisses along your jawline. "so tell me, how badly do you want that raise?"

you swallowed again, your eyes darting from his face to his lips and back. the words were stuck in your throat as he pressed himself against you, kissing you more softly and slowly, his fingers tracing circles on your chest. you ran your hands up his arms, and turned your face into the crook of his neck, breathing heavily.

you bit your lip as he guided you to your knees, lowering his hips to the edge of the desk and spreading your legs. onceler's tailcoat fell to the ground, exposing his long legs and bulging crotch, the tip of his cock poking out from his waistband. you shivered, looking up at him, wanting to feel his hands on you again, the heat of his body warming you and his scent making you dizzy.

onceler cupped your chin, tilting your head to expose your neck. his gloved hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing gently. "i promised you a show, didn't I?" he murmured, letting go of you. "well, now's your chance." he smirked, reaching down and unzipping his pants. his cock sprang free, jutting proudly upward in the air, already half erect and dripping precum.

you licked your lips nervously, "you shouldn't tease me like that.."

onceler chuckled, running his hand down your chest and belly before coming to rest on the front of your pants. "i know, i know. but i wanted you to beg for it first." he grabbed your belt and undid it quickly, tugging your pants and boxers down to your ankles. "here, let's make sure you're ready." he grasped your rigid shaft in his hand, stroking it slowly while you squirmed with embarrassment. "i think you're getting very excited, aren't you?"

you whimpered softly, trying to hide your growing erection under your thighs.

onceler smiled, his hand tightening around your shaft. "then get on your knees."

you nodded, dropping to your knees and crawling to the edge of the desk. onceler's cock bobbed in front of your face. you reached out and stroked his length, feeling the heat of his arousal. "please," you whispered, "just touch me."

onceler leaned forward, pressing his lips to your cheek. "hush now," he told you, looking deep into your eyes. "you won't need any more convincing from me." he pressed his cock against your lips, making you open your mouth and suckle it.

onceler held your head still as he thrust his hips, pumping his cock in and out of your mouth. you moaned as you sucked him, your tongue swirling around his shaft and the underside of his cock, tasting the salty precum oozing from the tip. onceler groaned, his hand cupping your hair as he began to fuck your face, his fingers digging into your scalp.

he pulled away, standing up from the desk and grasping your waist. he lifted you off your knees and laid you out on the table, his hands roaming along your body, properly exposing your fully erect cock.

onceler grinned, running his fingers over your dick and balls, his thumbs brushing up and down your shaft. "my, my…you seem to be enjoying this quite a bit."

you nodded weakly, closing your eyes and trying to relax. "y-yeah, i am."

onceler smiled, bending down between your legs and kissing your stomach, trailing kisses and nips all the way up to your navel. he placed his lips on your chest, licking and sucking your nipples, before moving further down. "are you ready to finish what you started?"

you swallowed thickly, feeling hot and flushed as he bent over your waist. "huh?" you squeaked, your voice breaking as he took hold of your cock and stroked it. "sir?"

onceler chuckled, grinning at you. "of course i'm gonna make you cum. i wouldn't have been done here then, would i?" he looked down at your cock as he stroked it, smiling evilly. "although, if you don't want me to make you come, you can always stop me. that's an option."

you blushed hotly, clenching your fists as he gripped your cock. "n-no," you stammered. "i want to—"

onceler kissed your cock, blowing on it gently, and you cried out softly as he took it into his mouth. the sensation was incredible, his warm lips enveloping your sensitive flesh and the silky smoothness of his tongue trailing up and down your shaft. he swirled his tongue around the tip and sucked you deeper, his throat swallowing your entire length. you moaned loudly, arching your back as he sucked you harder, his fingers slipping beneath your balls and massaging them.

his breathing ragged as he worked you over. he released your shaft after a few seconds and moved up to kiss your lips, moaning as you moaned into his mouth. his teeth scraped your lips, and you gasped, shivering as he began to suck your cock again, his tongue swirling around the bulbous head and the shaft.

onceler's fingers slipped inside your ass, causing you to moan helplessly, your hips buckling underneath him as he fingered you. he moaned softly "do you like being fucked in your ass, my handsome little pet?" he asked, his voice hushed.

you panted, nodding frantically.

"good."

you clenched your teeth, eyes fluttering shut as he rubbed your prostate and pumped his finger in and out of your ass. you wrapped your legs around his head, pushing his mouth deeper into your groin, your fingers clawing at the desk and begging him to fuck you. you felt the familiar pressure building up, and you knew you couldn't hold it back anymore.

onceler pulled away from you, licking the tip of your cock clean and smearing your cum onto his tongue. he crawled up your body, pressing himself against you and wrapping his arms around your neck. "i'm going to come soon," he whispered softly into your ear. "be ready for it."

you nodded, panting. "i'm ready."

onceler pushed himself into your tight hole, sinking his full length into you. you cried out, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and crying out again as he filled you. he slowly pulled out, watching your cock twitch with pleasure as he let it slide out, only to slam himself back into you hard. you grunted, gasping as he drove himself into you over and over, his balls slapping against your ass with each thrust.

onceler's hands roamed up and down your sides, rubbing your chest and gripping your hips. he smiled, kissing you softly. "is that what you needed?"

you mumbled something unintelligible, your mind fuzzy with lust.

onceler kissed you again, his hand sliding down your stomach and cupping your balls. "i thought so," he breathed into your ear. "it's alright, you're safe with me. you're mine."

you whimpered, biting your lip, "i'm yours."

onceler chuckled, pulling out and turning you over, he pulled you up by your hair and forced you to bend over the desk, your hands resting on the edge. he straddled you, his cock pressing against your ass. "now, let's see how much you liked that, huh?"

you whimpered, feeling his cock rub against your asshole. "it hurt," you gasped, "but it felt good too."

onceler laughed, easing himself into you. you moaned softly as he slid into you, filling you completely. onceler rocked his hips back and forth, his hand groping your ass roughly. he pushed himself deeper and deeper into you, burying his whole cock inside you and stretching you.

onceler leaned forward. "how's that feel?" he asked, his voice soft.

you moaned softly, feeling your muscles tense as he fucked you. "wonderful," you sighed.

onceler laughed, leaning forward and kissing you. he let out a low groan, shoving his cock into you with one thrust. his pace increased, his cock plunging in and out of you, his hips slapping against your ass. you pressed your hands against the desk, moaning as he fucked you, your breath coming short and fast. onceler gripped your hair again, forcing your head back and pressing his lips to your shoulder.

you whimpered, your hands trembling slightly. "more," you gasped, "i need more."

onceler growled, thrusting harder and faster into you. he pounded your ass, slamming his cock into you over and over, his balls slapping against you. you cried out, your head rolling back and your hands covering your face. you could feel your orgasm beginning to build, and you knew you couldn't hold it back.

onceler pulled out of you and knelt beside you, stroking your cock as he leaned over your back, kissing your neck and collarbone. you threw your head back, whimpering as your balls tightened and you came, shooting rope after rope of cum all over the desk. onceler moaned, shivering as he came, his cock twitching and jerking as he shot his load. he collapsed on top of you, his weight pinning you to the desk.

onceler leaned down, kissing your cheek and whispering, "nice work."

you chuckled weakly, looking down at yourself. "i'll be sore tomorrow."

onceler chuckled, kissing your lips. "don't worry about it. we have time."

you smiled, your heart racing, "so.. that raise?"

onceler smirked, rising off of you and standing up. "of course. just think, you earned that money just from being an obedient pet."

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

So it's basically Malfoy family tradition to only have one kid per generation to avoid splitting the inherited wealth. But what happens if that firstborn kid is a daughter? Do they have her keep her maiden name after marriage and insist on passing it to their children over her husband's to keep the family name from going extinct? Try again until a son is born, and then marry all previous daughters to wealthy pureblood houses where the Malfoys won't have to let them inherit any money because they already have their husbands'?

The Malfoys and Sons and Caveats

To be fair, we don't know that this is the case.

The way things are in canon, we don't even know if Lucius is the only son or if he has brothers who don't get mentioned for some reason or sisters who were married off and also don't get mentioned.

JKR has drawn a tree for those interested in Pottermore things in which it's a hilarious single line, but that could be because she was only drawing the sons and not the daughters/wives.

@therealvinelle and I buy into the "they have only one son, somehow, every time" bit because it's hilarious and means that all of them are weirdly similar to each other one generation to the next, and that they have to be doing something to make sure this keeps happening, but it's mostly for the lulz/storytelling and not because I couldn't go either way.

The Malfoys Have a Firstborn Daughter

The obvious caveat here is that, since we never saw this, I really don't know. My guess is as good as anyone's.

But to go ahead and guess...

Probably depends who the father is/what the circumstances are. If the wife was very unlikely to have a second child, then there's the age old dilemma of "oh no, the line ends with me" that could be solved in a number of ways. One is the adoption of a close family member so they take on the line, one is an illegitimate child from the line becoming heir, and the other is "THIS IS MY SON NOW", or just suck it up and deal.

I think it having to be a blood relative would be very important to the Malfoys given their staunch belief in blood purity. Can't exactly remain the Malfoys if the line/your magical abilities died out, can you? It's more than just the name that wizards care about, it's all about genetics (which leads to these kinds of problems and more).

Though they do also seem to care about the surnames in that people take great pride in the patrilinear line, e.g. Draco being a Malfoy, Ron being a Weasley, so on and so forth. So, it probably wouldn't be good enough of "ah, the line lives on through my daughters in another family".

If a second child is possible or else likely, I imagine they do the normal thing and try until they get a son who inherits the name and, as you noted, most of the money/assets beyond whatever it is wizards do for dowries/if they do dowries.

[riddles-n-games]

Why do you think avery and Jameson’s characters/Jameson’s story felt off? It feels off for me, too, but I can't put my finger on it.

Hoo boy, where to start? This feels like peeling wet paper from wet paper. Also, sorry this took so long to make. I was constantly putting it off because I felt like I kept not knowing how to continue this review at times so I really hope this doesn't disappoint.

Spoiler Warning: The Brothers Hawthorne Discussion

Plot-wise, first off, it felt like we spent a lot of time with the set up to get to the Game and usually JLB spends a very minimal amount on that before we jump into the riddles, puzzle-solving, clue finding portion of the story as shown in the last three books. Then when we get to the actual portion of the plot which is dedicated to the Game itself, the running around Vantage feels like it was all so quick and you don't even get to take it in because we're already at another part with a new clue that by the time you feel settled in, the Game is done and Jameson is the winner. So, I think the concern with the story on that front is the fact that she wanted us to have an element from the old books that we're comfortable with so we can continue experiencing that thrill we're used to, just from Jameson's perspective because this suits him to a T. And she's right. This is the Hawthorne brother we've come to associate with all these high risks, high stakes, riddles, puzzles, complex games, etc., etc. It's just her approach didn't feel right; she spent more time on one thing than the other, the set up vs the climax as a result of said set up were disproportionate and this would probably be as a result of the dual pov. We never had a dual pov before in the series so where one story feels completed, the other didn't. Had Jamie's story been one whole book on its own, she likely could have made everything in the plot more evened out, especially the part we're anticipating most: the Game.

Also, from what I can see, Grayson's plotline does serve as the typical storyline we see in TIG, THL, and TFG in terms of set up and execution of actions after the build up. But it also must have been thought out better because there was pressure from the fans to redeem Grayson after the events of the last book. To be fair, JLB may have also planned it out that way in the first place. It's just disappointing to read through a book with the one brother I wanted to see in his best element because he fit this script the most having his storyline cut off seemingly abruptly. I know it's easier for her to come up with stuff for Grayson because he's still underdeveloped but she should have taken more care of Jameson since he is already developed. It causes inconsistency and on her part, looks like lazy writing and that she didn't even want to write his story. Most complex story she's written, my ass. If she wanted to just write Grayson's story then she could have done that, it would be believable enough that she just wanted to leave Jameson untouched because of the work she put into him rather than taking back all the good stuff we've seen come out of him by the end of TFG.

Now, with Jameson's character development, I think that the problem was the dilemma he was facing with his mind being "ordinary" compared to that of his brothers. I don't think I minded that part that much but when I review how he acted in the original trilogy versus how he was in this one, this problem kind of abruptly seems to show up, even with the flashbacks where this was demonstrated to be a topic of interest. Maybe JLB should have created some kind of set up for his character having this problem in the first books like she did with his lack of father figures issue which clearly makes him sensitive and his desperate need to win. These were things that had an origin and were portrayed appropriately in the book with a somewhat satisfying conclusion. This one just felt like it was there and the issue was quite quickly resolved so it kind of just makes itself appear as something that could have been easily ignored. He also falls short on sounding like a human being because she has made his mentality and personality so one dimensional and basic that a robot has more complexity than him. We get it, he's hungry for more almost all the time! But that's not all there is to him. And as a Jameson girlie, I feel like she made it so much harder for us fans of him as a character and the chosen love interest for Avery to give reasons as to why we liked him. I mean, back in 2022 and throughout 2023, I don't know how many little analyses and rants I came across that projected the goodness of his character. Now what am I supposed to justify? I was hoping we'd get that deserved deep dive to see what else drove him besides the obvious and what did we get? Just an endless loop of what we already know and have seen.

On the topic of Avery and Jameson as a couple in this book, uh, I think that JLB could have done a better representation of it from Jamie's perspective than the way she did in TBH. They had some pretty great moments like their problem-solving sequences, the getting ready scene before the opera, the little stuff like their hand symbols to signal to each other, Avery comforting Jameson, and Jameson confiding in her the secret of what happened in Prague. However, I found the way that JLB described Jameson's thoughts towards Avery a little too out of character. I get it, there's nothing wrong with him being physically attracted to his own girlfriend, that's definitely part of it but it felt too lusty and not the way he seemed to view her from what we saw in the last three books. I mean, even Avery wasn't quite so lusty towards him. The flirtatious components weren't what I was hoping to see especially after his many swoon-worthy moments from THL and TFG. Honestly, regarding my opinion on this, there's a recent post by @elif-in-wonderland that summarizes my thoughts for me perfectly.

There, that concludes my current thoughts on the book regarding Jameson's side. If I do end up having more opinions to share, I will be sure to make a continuation to this in a follow up post. Thanks for the ask!

[lowkeyerror]

Falling Fast: Epilogue

Wednesday Addams x Reader

Word Count: 1k

Notes: Hellhound reader, Fluff

Summary: Nevermore is closing down for the rest of the semester, which means there are some hard goodbyes to get through.

An: Epilogue for you guys. Hope you enjoyed the series. Taking a break from the multi part fics for a while 💜

Series Masterlist

After everything that happened at Nevermore academy, there was truly only one acceptable course of action. The rest of the semester was effectively canceled.

This meant all the students had to pack their things and return to their homes. The fate of the school was up in the air, however many assumed the school would be re-opening at some point.

For Y/n saying goodbye to the school was bittersweet. Though this semester definitely put her through the ringer, there would be plenty of things that she missed.

" You don't seem to have all of your things in order yet." Wednesday lets herself into the room.

" What can I say, packing makes me emotional."

Wednesday tilts her head." You don't wish to go."

Y/n sighs," Not really, no. There are a lot of things I'm not ready to say goodbye to just yet."

Wednesday ponders for a moment," It's not a goodbye. Just a simple, see you later."

Y/n tosses some of her belongings into her suitcase. Then she sets her gaze on Wednesday.

" That's fair for most things, but there are certain things I just don't want to part from." She steps closer to the girl, not exactly touching her.

Wednesday swallows a bit." I see. In fact, I find myself in a similar dilemma. What are we to do about such a situation?"

" My mom said she's open to host you whenever you'd like," Y/n starts.

" Though I'm not entirely fond of the idea, my parents have offered the same hospitality. In the meantime, I do have one of these now."

Wednesday pulls out a phone." The only number in it currently is Enid's and I don't think I could handle only being able to speak to her."

Y/n types her number in Wednesday's phone." Now you have mine. I expect a sonnet a day."

Wednesday keeps a straight face." I could write hundreds of thousands of pages about you."

" I could write an endless symphony about us," Y/n compliments.

" Perfect. What's a story without an accompanying score?"

They banter lightly before the tone returns to its previous state.

Y/n sighs," I'm going to miss you more than I think you can comprehend."

Wednesday's hand lands gently on Y/n's cheek." I'll miss you more than I'm able to comprehend. A day without you seems wasted, pointless; rather, I fear I've grown too attached."

Y/n leans into her touch." I have the same fear. However, I'm quite certain that my fear is ill placed. For, I know, you care for me deeply."

Wednesday's lips graze Y/n's." I love you."

They kiss, it feels the same as their others; passionate. For a brief moment, Y/n wonders if they'll ever lose the passion they have for each other. Wednesday's lips effortlessly quiet the thoughts. The Addams' were people of passion, whether they showed it outwardly or not. Wednesday was certain the passion had skipped her generation, but Y/n was her assurance that she was wrong.

" I love you too."

" This is much more difficult than I anticipated." Wednesday's head rests on Y/n's chest.

Y/n tries to lighten the mood with a joke," More difficult than fighting a dead pilgrim on school grounds?"

Wednesday smiles lightly," No battle could compare to the test of our separation. It is harder to leave your side than it is to do almost anything I could fathom."

" We'll see each other again. We'll text and call, perhaps even visit each other," Y/n tries to reassure the girl.

" Why doesn't that feel like enough?"

Y/n heart swells as she struggles to find the words to properly answer her girlfriend," Well personally, I can say that I doubt that I'd ever grow tired of being around you."

" I feel the same way, yet we must part."

" Maybe you can keep me company while I finish packing, and then we can go from there?"

That's what the pair settled on. Y/n took her time taking her room apart. She was trying to prolong the inevitable, but once everything was squared away. There was nothing more she could do to avoid it.

With her bags in one hand and Wednesday's hand in the other, the two of them made their way off of Nevermore's campus.

" Let me walk you to your car," Wednesday says, trying to hold on to Y/n's presence as much as she can.

Y/n doesn't protest. When they get to the car, her mom pops the trunk, allowing her to toss her bags in.

The girl sighs heavily, giving Wednesday her full attention," A kiss for the road?"

Wednesday pecks her lips," Not only is your mother watching us, but that kiss is meant to leave you wanting more. So I can guarantee that I'll be seeing you again."

Y/n smiles," I'm always wanting more of you. No matter how much of yourself that you give to me, mon cher."

Wednesday places a lingering kiss on the back of Y/n's hand," Until next time, cara mia."

Reluctantly, Wednesday begins walking to her own car where Lurch is waiting for her. It's not until Y/n sees Wednesday get into the car, that Y/n gets into her own.

" You guys are so intense for teenagers," Y/n's mom chuckles as she starts the car.

Y/n nods," I know, I never thought that I could feel anything close to the way she makes me feel, mom. It's intense, but it's a feeling I never want to lose."

" That's love for you, kid."

Y/n's mom peeled away from the campus gates. Nevermore became smaller the more distance they drove, until it was longer visible.

Y/n's phone went off, it was a text from Wednesday.

Dinner, Friday, my house.

Y/n couldn't hide her smile. She reveled in the fact that Wednesday needed her just as much as she needed Wednesday. Though the future of school was in suspension, nothing would be able to keep them apart from each other.

I'll be there

Y/n responds almost immediately.

They were made to go together. The symphony of their love was one that would be never ending. It was something that they both knew from the first shared note. They were fated to be together and that wouldn't be changing.

Taglist: @trishatheotaku @rayliz793 @ognenniyvolk @screechcat @anticr @blazemaster4014 @elduster @awolfcsworld @lexthetiredstudent @myfturn @cfvgbhndun-new-blog @rainbow-love4ever @tundra1029 @simperingghoul @maryannecrimsworth @aroaceanxietylemon @lucasm8 @alexkolax @jujuu23 @zefanya-candy17 @manu-007s-world @sexylifestylesblog @anonymousewrites

[raayllum]

I know you like to analyze thematically in TDP a lot and you write top down the same way, so I’m curious, what are some of the themes/motifs in your upcoming novels? and do any of them coincide with TDP?

(GASP you get a gold star oh my god thank you!! and i will try to not make this too Long but i'm very excited!!)

Basic premise for ppl who have never heard of my novels before:

Latest generation of a reincarnated group of chosen ones have to grow up in a world of increasing violence and political instability that they're supposed to fix while also facing their own choices and demons. The main character, Ally, starts off as an 'unchosen one' — she lost her powers as a young child and has been trying to get them back, which kinda makes her resent her chosen one friends just as much as she loves them. The other two co-leads are her twin sister, a former child soldier with death powers she doesn't want, and her friend / one sided rival, a draconic-powered prodigy looking for redemption and to escape her past.

The funny thing is that when I was writing out my series (2014-2017 has all the pieces we currently have, though things have ofc been finessed since then) only ATLA existed as an inspiration point, which was, "How do you always know the Avatar is going to be a good person (and what if you didn't? What if they weren't)?" + "what if there was more than one running around?"

The rest was all from my head. There's a mystical magical heart broken into pieces. A continent divided in two with a long history of war. Characters anchored to the idea of Autonomy who then go through a loss of powers arc (hi Callum s2) and then brainwashing/possession arc (hi arc 2 Callum) that was probably by far the funniest coincidence. Circles and cycles and children and choices. The fact that these all just also found their way into TDP shows just how much it feels like the show was Made For Me in the best way creatively, and one of the reasons I think I've found TDP so personally rewarding to analyze—happy coincidences all around.

There's other coming-of-age themes of course that are shared between the two—grief, identity, friendship—but being prose I get to lean more into religious and political worldbuilding in much more detail.

I think my novel(s) are also more grey and angsty (especially later on) than TDP was at the start, too. A good chunk of my protagonists don't have any moral reservations about assassinations or killing/torturing people push come to shove while also still wanting and trying to be Good People, but that just makes the ethical dilemmas more interesting to explore. That said, everything is ultimately more Hopepunk, I just prefer to never pull punches on the way there

Motifs I like to use:

a tarot inspired in-universe version of chess for foreshadowing purposes

stage motif (who are you when you're performing for everyone around you / constantly fronting?)

birds / ravens

wolves

knives

eyes / the ouroboros (snake eating its own tail)

Themes: gods vs monsters (vs humanity), complex family and friend dynamics, living vs survival, grief and cycles, loss of sense of self, idolization and scapegoating as two sides of dehumanization, etc.

I also wanted to have unique power sets (Moon is one of my favourites with leaning into shadow magic and being able to make things temporarily out of moonlight, or Life not just being all fuzzy plants and animals and showing more of the well, brutality of being alive).

People have said my main protag is basically if Claudia and Rayla were the same person and yeah that's a fair assessment, Unfortunately for her.

I feel like I blabbed enough here but if you want more info on writing things from a top-down approach / what it's like to build from theme first I'd love to talk about it more in relation to TDP (and also my books, mayhaps!)

[rachelbethhines]

60 Years of Doctor Who Anniversary Marathon - C. Baker 1st Review

The Two Doctors - TV Story

I was so disappointed when this was the story that the randomizer chose.

Unlike most fans, I genuinely enjoy Colin Baker's time as the Doctor on tv. I would have gladly watched any other story, yes even The Twin Dilemma or The Mysterious Planet. Heck, I personally think Timelash is loads of fun.

But this....

Not only is The Two Doctors my least favorite C. Baker episode, it is perhaps my most disliked episode of the classic era. And quite possibly in the bottom ten stories out of the show's history.

However, fair is fair. This is what the randomizer picked and I haven't given the story an honest shot since my first viewing of it.

So is it as bad as I remember?

Yes.

It really is that bad.

Granted there are moments in the story that are entertaining, but these are few and far between and don't do enough to save the serial.

The first and foremost problem is that the story suddenly turns the Doctor into a racist!

These are Androgums. They're an enslaved race, born into servitude because they are deemed to be "less intelligent" then more "civilized" races.

The main villain has been experimented on by a mad scientist, used as a sentient lab rat, and has gained genius intellect and knowledge through her forced upon mutations.

She uses her brains to manipulate people, framing the time lords for crimes they, lets be honest, would have committed themselves anyways, and kidnaps the doctor to force him to teach her time travel so that she may free her people and conquer those that had enslaved her.

You would have thought that the Doctor would be at least sympathetic to her motives, if not her methods, but no!

The Doctor constantly repeats through out the story that Androgums are inherently evil. That it's "in their nature" to destroy everything. That they can never become better people no matter what, and constantly dismisses their plight.

Worse, the story goes on to prove this outlook as correct when the Doctor is forced to become an Androgum himself through genetic experimentation and briefly becomes "evil."

Like why the fuck would you write that into your story!?

Did you not stop to think at all that this might not be the best way to write your hero, nor the most appropriate message to put forth in your narrative?

Then again, this is the written by the same man who wrote The Talons of Weng-Chiang because he unironically loved Fu Manchu movies.

I don't place Robert Homes on any kind of pedestal unlike the rest of fandom and bullshit like this story is why.

Oh but there's more offenses to find here.

See, Homes is not only racist, he's also that smug fake leftist that pretends he's better than you because he doesn't eat meat.

His preachy, holier than thou, anti-meat arguments have popped up a couple of times on the show, but here is where it's at it's most overbearing and obnoxious.

See, there are plenty of legitimate reasons to adopt a vegetarian/vegan diet... from religious beliefs, to health and safety concerns in commercial processing, to personal dietary needs... but Homes never makes this argument.

No Homes believes that people who eat meat are no better then murdering cannibals!

Man what I wouldn't pay to see Robert Holmes in a debate with the current writers of the Poison Ivy comics.

But to add injury to insult, Holmes then decides that the Doctor and Peri must become vegans like him at the end of the story.... You know the two characters who are not his creations and have no previously established reasons to adopt his personal belief systems.

Peri has since been retconed into having always been a vegetarian in the expanded universe, and that works okay as there's nothing in previous episodes to contradict it. It also nicely ties into her being revealed as a botanist in the next story.

But the Doctor not only has never held this practice before, the story makes a point to establish that he does enjoy eating meat and has him fishing for fun at the beginning.

So this is essentially the writer forcing his personal beliefs on to the main hero of a long established running series that he himself has only been a part of for a brief amount of time.

Trying to morph a character that isn't yours into just another version of yourself, ignoring anything that came before to do so, is bad writing. Plain and simple.

It's not only disrespectful to the character and their creator, it's also just flat out boring.

If you can't write anyone but yourself and can't present anyone else's view other than your own, then why the fuck are you even writing to begin with?

This a personal pet peeve of mine in professional media, writing characters that aren't yours out of character cause of ego, and I truly think it's a waste of everyone's time.

What else...

Oh the pacing is poor, the direction is flat, and I truly despise the scene where Oscar dies with the passion of a thousand suns!!!

It is the most tone deaf, poorly directed, poorly acted, poorly written scene in the entire story with perhaps the stupidest dialogue in the entirety of the classic era.

I hate it!

At least we can only go up from here.

[dreamofmourning]

i really owe a lot to that one essay i posted about mrs. dalloway because the cluster of books i think about most often are ones that "set up [a character]'s mind as the central dilemma of the novel" and that's a really clarifying way of phrasing it. and the plot is whatever it is, but the plot is really the various ways in which he fails to be apprehended, or actively rebuffs the possibility (difficult friend). i give you fair warning before you attempt me further, i am not what you supposed, but far different. i also of course love books that span one lifetime and there's a lot of overlap there, like my other post, it takes a lifetime to try to understand him and you still fail after all that time, or his lifetime specifically is too short (the fantasy is that if he lived longer it would have even been possible), or the time in which you knew him/had him was too brief (you were willing to like me and i did something and blew it, and your liking me would have saved me, and my liking you would have saved you). but i was thinking the other day about the e-reader feature that tells you what percentage through a book you are and to some extent the ao3 word count feature, which for some reason both feel so different than having access to the page number of a physical novel, esp when the book spans some large majority of one life. there's something horrifying about having it in numbers like that, like i don't want to know that this beautiful event that could have been a nice ending is happening only 29% of the way through this character's life. i don't want to know that he takes 35,000 words to be explained, and is still misunderstood. i saw this crazy bookmark the other day that was saying how she loves how the fic it was abt "accounts for everything and turns it over then puts it back into place, exactly the same but the context is different, except that it's really not—and by everything i of course mean john" like. yes. he who must be accounted for. he for whom 35,000 words only exist to take account of. he who must be revisited. and it takes a long time (mainly, too long)

[crisps-craft]

Pick a Card Reading: - What do people find attractive about your energy? + extra messages from Spirit

If you guys enjoy this reading, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi and Buy Me a Coffee - it is located on my main page on the pins :) I am a college student, so literally even just a dollar helps.

Choose a Pile from 1-4 *Pictures are not mine

Pile 1 - Autumn Leaves

Cards: 5 of Swords, 4 of Wands, 6 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, Abundance, Strength, Peace, Cleanse

Hi Pile 1! So what people find attractive about you is your ability to restore balance and peace within people. Your energy is akin to a peacemaker - but in an assertive way. You guys value honesty and trust a lot and assert those values in a very strong and 'no bullshit' way. You always advocate for the underdog because that's what you used to be. Who you are now though? You are empowered and some people find this energy intimidating. What people love about your energy is how stable and secure it is - they never have to question their trust or faith in you. In fact, sometimes its the other way around and they question how much faith / trust you have in them. The people who really matter in your life never ever want to let you down- they want to please you and make you feel safe the way that you do for them. To let you down would be a crime. I'm channeling some strong Aries / Taurus energy (you don't have to have Taurus in your chart) & maybe even some Libras with fiery charts, or just fire / earth dominated charts in general. With Knight of Swords, other people think that you are very articulate, deliberate, eloquent, and intentional with your words. When you speak, people want to hear what you have to say. You may not talk much / might be more shy, so when you do speak, people notice and they are always in awe / intimated from how smart, mature, and grounded you are. It genuinely makes them see circumstances and values in a different way. You guys are introverts and often come off as mysterious yet grounded and perceptive. People are intimidate by your power - however, you struggle to see how powerful you really are. Deep down, you struggle with insecurity, self-doubt, and self-image problems. However, other people see you as a force to be reckoned with. I love the energy of this pile - you guys are so fascinating and independent. You are very free thinkers because of how much you have had to rely on your own devices growing up - yet, you use those experiences as ways to help other people who are struggling themselves. Some of you might've been bullied growing up? I don't know why I channeled that. You were very shy growing up and had to go through some difficult situations with abusive people to recognize how to set boundaries - this could have happened at a very young age.

Extra Message from Spirit:

From the Energy and Spirit Oracle - 18: Prophets and Ancient Seers, 34: Currents of Emotion

Right now, you might be in an emotionally charged situation or dilemma. I'm seeing this more to do with a group of people to be honest - like some friendships or even a relationship. Lately, you've been questioning its place in your life. Is this toxic or not? Like I was saying earlier, you guys are so grounded and loyal to a fault - but sometimes you give your loyalty to the wrong people and once you are dead set on something, it stays. So, you've been reflecting recently. Your spirit guides are telling you to trust your judgement (it's ironic - you guys are everybody's rock and are the people that others rely on. Yet, you struggle to rely on yourself at times. You had to learn at a young age how to get by by yourself - how to not feel lonely, etc.) but your guides are here reminding you that you have a good head on your shoulders. You are such rational, intelligent, and fair people - trust in your ability to chose correctly. Also, listen to how you feel - your intuition. Currents of Emotion describes 'uncontrolled feelings' and emotional turmoil - if you are seeing people elicit those feelings from you, then you can know for sure that they aren't good for you. I wish you all the best, Pile 1. A good question to ask yourselves - is this bringing me peace? Or is it disrupting and disturbing my peace? This question will help you make the judgements you need- because above all, you all deserve peace, security, and stability.

Pile 2 - Halloween Drawings

Cards: 6 of Swords, 2 of Swords, Hanged Man, Lovers, Queen of Cups, 5 of Pentacles

Hi Pile 2! My first thought: this is the Pisces pile. You don't have to have Pisces placements, but for those who do, take it as an extra sign of this reading resonating for you. Your energy / aura in my mind is so pure - I'm seeing baby yellows, blues, pinks, and white. The card on the 2 of Swords (my Halloween deck) has an angel on it. You guys carry an Earth angel energy - like you are too pure for this world (and people have told you that before- some people have literally called you angels as well). Sometimes you guys might struggle with seeing situations clearly - sometimes people mistake this as being 'naive' but I think that you guys are just very sensitive and always give people chances (please be careful with this though - learn to protect your energy. Not everyone deserves a million chances - esp if they keep hurting you). People love how comforting your energy is- they feel like they can just be themselves. There is no anxiety, just happiness and laughter. I think your energy is very whimsical / fun too- your humor might be somewhat strange or silly but people find it adorable. What I'm channeling is that you guys are absolute cuties. Some of you guys really like drawing / journaling too! You guys might be kind of disorganized haha - I'm seeing some of you guys are messy and have messy rooms. I'm seeing clothes on the floor, papers scattered. But you guys also have this unique aesthetic - very eclectic. You guys know the opposite of the minimalist aesthetic? Clutter core? It's like that - you guys might be messy, but its this wide arrange and variety of items / interests / art forms and its so fascinating and whimsical to people. Even the way you guys dress is cool - I'm seeing more dressing for comfort type of thing like oversized hoodies / sweaters / sweatpants and also some jewelry - like necklaces, rings, nose rings. Some of you guys wear headphones a lot (idk why I saw headphones with the wires hehe). I like your style - very chill but also very individualistic! People love how magical, whimsical, sensitive, kind, silly, and fun you are! People can't help but feel comfortable and at home with you- just make sure you are keeping your boundaries established. :)

Extra Message from Spirit:

From the Ceccoli Oracle - 32: Wish

This card is all about recognizing the nature of your manifestations! Be aware of what it is exactly that you are manifesting right now - because I can see that it is coming in. For example, if you are manifesting love, then what is it that you are looking for in love? What type of person / qualities do you want? What type of connection? The universe wants you to clear up these details more so that you can manifest something that you truly align with. I am seeing some budding new love for you guys! This might not resonate for all, but some of you are already seeing this come in. I think someone is interested in you and I can see that you are considering this option! Just make sure that you are staying true to your values and needs :) Since you guys are so sensitive, some of you might've struggle with accidentally trying to 'save' someone or have someone 'save' you - so just be aware of that and try not to manifest that. Also, you guys might overromanticize people? (Honestly, who doesn't LOL) So just make sure you are staying grounded in your perceptions! I hope that this could help!

Pile 3 - Acorns in Mitten

Cards: Ace of Swords, Knight of Swords, Queen of Pentacles, Knight of Pentacles (reversed), Moon, King of Swords, Chariot

Hi Pile 3! So what I'm channeling off the bat is "Scorpio" so some of you guys could be Scorpios / have a lot of Pluto and 8th house influence in your chart (this doesn't have to be the case though !) But what I'm channeling overall is that part of your soul contract is to be a 'mirror' for other people. Other people unintentionally project onto you- whether they project their inner demons, their higher self, etc. So you guys need to be careful with boundaries and also who you are in contact with if that makes sense. Because people get ADDICTED to you - your relationships are very Plutonic / Scorpionic in the obsession department. (Just writing this out, maybe you guys are also Neptunian / Pisces / 12 House, maybe even Aquarius but again - the signs don't really matter that much) Relationships with you are transformative and soulful - after meeting you, people have these intense revelations and realizations about themselves and who they are - with the moon card, you trigger people's subconscious states. I think its interesting - because although you trigger these intense emotions in others, the way you present / hold yourself is very logical, detached, but also understanding. Its like - you have this presence of patience and pure acceptance that can also radiate power which helps you with boundaries. I think.. people look up to you a lot- like a teacher or mentor of sorts. I heard "the one that shows the way" & "the one that shows the light" - you guys are intense. I think you guys wear black a lot, read a lot of books (especially intense books - some of you guys really like classic lit, philosophy, spirituality, etc. I channeled INTJ, INTP, INFJ, INFP) you guys just look mysterious, too. I saw rings, too (one of them might have a black stone - the rings are silver, too. You are more of a silver person than gold) In a way, you shake up people's worlds and whole conceptions of themselves - holy fuck. I didn't expect this reading to be so intense but it is. You got a King and a Queen card - so you radiate power, authority, etc. People might naturally bow down to you in a way- very dominant vibes haha. People find you sexy as hell. Intimacy with you is fucking off the walls- you've had some VERY karmic relationships that were very intense and even... mind-bending. I wouldn't be surprised if you guys experimented with psychedelics or pot tbh. I think that some of you guys have literally incited / inspired spiritual awakenings into people (or even identity crises) - your soul's energy operates and THRIVES off of chaos. So, people who are chaotic.. kind of naturally gravitate to that because they know that you can "handle" or "tame" them in a way. It's very fascinating. I think that is part of your soul contract in this lifetime, too.

Extra Message from Spirit:

From the Iris Oracle - Justice, Make Believe, Weight of Truth, Protect Your Heart, Alchemy, You Can't Find Goodness because You Lost Your Heart, Green

So many cards came out - I was originally just intending to pick one, but all of these messages needed to be heard. This is like what I was saying earlier - with Justice, you are being called to assert your boundaries and determine what is healthy. I think that right now, you are surrounded by energy vampires who are LITERALLY sucking the life out of you. That's why you guys have felt like "You can't find goodness because you lost your heart" - you've been having so many trust issues, thinking that you will never find a love that actually fills your cup, too. These people just take and take and take and you've lost so much faith. However, the other cards are VERY optimistic towards you - trust me. Your spirit guides are VERY intensely present in your life. Some of you have psychic gifts (clairaudience is something I channeled! If you guys space out / reach a trance state, sometimes you hear things ;) what do these sounds (even if it is not a linguistic language) tell you? One message I heard in a trance once was "the words are nameless" so focus on the feelings and messages that these sounds deliver to you- it will help you crack the codes easier if you are struggling to decipher meaning) Anyways, with Alchemy and Make Believe, don't be afraid to dream big about what it is that you believe will fill your cup and bring you happiness. You can even write this down or say it out loud - what type of person / people do you want to surround yourself with? Oddly enough, once you have this image in your head, it will make manifesting it so much easier. I was in the same boat recently and didn't believe much in it until IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Even using magic / manifestation tools with this WILL WORK. Your guides are calling to you and encouraging you to talk / speak to them, to work with energy, and to actively manifest what it is that you want to attract. I wanted to tell you guys this because I can tell that you've been losing faith recently. With Green, SO much happiness and dream fulfillment is coming that it isn't even funny. I'm typing this so fast because your guides are like "!!!!!!!!!!" LOL

Pile 4 - Mugs in Cupboard

Cards: Queen of Cups, 6 of Wands, 7 of Wands, 10 of Swords, 6 of Cups, Ace of Pentacles (reverse), Knight of Cups, 9 of Cups

Hi Pile 4! Right off the bat I love this energy. You guys give off childhood best friend vibes - I think that people see you as reliable, dependable, and just.. so real and trustworthy. You make people believe in love and friendship again. People have told you this too- especially friends. I think that there is something really pure about this energy. With 9 of Cups, because you know how to love yourself, you radiate love so easily and know how to give and receive it (this is so important because some people really struggle with doing this!! Through your example, you teach people how to have faith and how to give and receive love AWW) You guys are good leaders and teachers too- people naturally look up to you. You might be really good with kids, too! Like at family functions, you might be the person who is really good with kids and the kids just love you to death. I think you guys would make excellent teachers, too. You are so eternally patient, gentle, but also confident! No one steps over or on top of you - you know how to assert boundaries well which is cool as fuck cause some of the other piles struggle to do that. You guys have a very nurturing energy, very grounded. I think you guys are very pretty too! Your aesthetic might be more soft / light / fun! I like it - for some of you guys, you have more of a summer aesthetic and like to keep it light and fun. Others, its more of a light / soft academia. You guys make simple clothes look HOT - like even just a regular ass T-shirt you make look designer (and I think its because you guys are creative and have a good eye for detail / aesthetics). People ADORE your voice too (which you also might have been told before) - with Knight of Cups, I got a visual in my mind of a radio talk host- the voice is sensual, creamy, and pleasant to listen to. People don't know what they look like, but adore listening to this person. That's you- people can't help but listen to your creamy and sugar sweet voice. Ugh- its great. You guys might have Taurus / 2nd house placements - even Virgo got channeled.

Extra Messages:

Cards - 3 of Cups, Star, 10 of Wands, Tower, Empress

Some of you guys might be doing relief work / volunteering? I think you guys might be in a caring profession or even writing about important issues and advocating for people to care. These cards are intense - like you are "saving people from something" is something I heard. Just make sure that you still maintain those boundaries. It is good to help people, but not at your own expense. Especially since this line of work is hard to separate yourself from other people - kind of like how teachers are never really "off their job" but are always thinking of the kids, grading, planning, etc. 3 of Cups came out which is your guides telling you to hang out and catch up with friends! Your guides want you to take some extra time and effort for self-care - even going to a party and going out is a message here haha. With Empress, it is important to take care of yourself as equally as you do for others. With 3 of Cups, your guides want you to let loose and have fun! Even splurging a bit right now is okay - 3 of Cups is giving me that energy of "I'm just gonna do something nice for myself" - sometimes we need a reminder and validation that it is okay to do that :)

[fairycosmos]

i wanna come out to my parents to bad but every time im close i chicken out and start shaking really heavily because its so nerve wrecking :/ i know they’d have a problem with it and its so fucked because ever since i lost my sister i feel like i HAVE to make them proud, i mean they’ve already lost one kid, you know? i cant make them feel like they’ve lost another one. this is super forward so if you don’t want to answer please don’t, but is that something you struggle with? like, not wanting to let them down now that they’ve experienced the worst thing that can happen to a parent? anyway, sorry to bother you. i didn’t know who else might understand. hope your night is going better than mine lol!!!

god it's almost bizarre how i could've written this word for word im so serious 😭 like. you might be me for real we should uhhh check or something we might be living parallel lives. i totally understand everything you're feeling, from the coming out dilemma to the grief and everything in between. however, lately ive been viewing the idea of "coming out" through a more critical lens, and i think it's a bizarre expectation to put onto yourself and others, outdated almost - ESP if it is going to put you in emotional or physical danger. you don't owe your parents an explanation for like, being who you are. no one is entitled to access to your personal thoughts, feelings and relationships like that. you're not lying, that's a completely toxic idea. i know it's more complex than that, and i know it's constricting, like you're suffocating some days even. there is a lot of nuance, and it's absolutely not fair that you can't be open about it without fear. but if you're not ready to tell them, you're not ready to tell them. this is your life. that's a perfectly understandable reaction when they've made you feel unsafe regarding the topic in some way. and im exactly the same, w the loss of my sister it's like - everything is on me. i feel like i can't breathe and any move i make is wrong, i feel like the older i get and the more they realise i really am not gonna follow the traditional path, the more they resent me. if not outwardly, then inwardly. im not gonna have kids or marriage or a fancy career, i am not a viable vessel for their projections. it's true, they've already been through a fucking nightmare and so often i dream about giving them a picture perfect life from here on out, despite how i personally feel about anything, ive come close to it many times. i still might end up doing that, because im so loat and hurt. but i just fucking know deep down it's not sustainable. it's a fantasy, and i know my sister would hate to think im killing myself like that just to keep up pretenses. that being said, it's all so much easier said than done. im not saying you have to come out and cut everyone off and live your life completely authentically without fear or pain. im just saying like......despite the fucking endless mourning and the trauma our parents have been through........i don't think the solution to that is living our lives purely on their conditions either. we're not our siblings, and we never will be. we'll never fill that void, no matter what we do. im so sorry you're going through this, and thank you so much for the well wishes ❤️ i feel really seen by your message and i want you to know you can say hi whenever you need a friend. sending you so much love and healing, i know it's unbearable. X

[vinbee631]

you know what? ao3 is down and my wips are silently judging me so I'm gonna talk about Patton Sanders and my autistic headcanon for him

yep-

within the fander community, from what I've seen, Logan being autistic is the most common of the headcanons, Remus probably second, which, like, fair. ok? fair.

they both get overstimulated in social situations but Remus gets Louder and Logan shuts down, i see you, ok? I see Logan having comfort objects and Remus having vocal stims I see you!! and i do love these headcanons HOWEVER

Patton. Sanders. ok?

let me explain, hear me out, yada yada, let's fucking go-

if we take the time to closely examine Patton and his responses to social situations (which I did for the most part), there are a Lot of things to take into consideration with this headcanon. for the sake of why not, I am going to be focusing on my strongest arguments i guess? the events in Moving On, SVS, and SVS Redux.

Moving On displays Patton's almost desperation to preserve some of Thomas' fondest memories, to find comfort in the past instead of confronting the present.

oh, what's that? fear of change? fucking yes, write that down write that down !

additionally, going off of the trolley track I just set for myself, there are many, many moments in the series where jokes fly over Patton's head, dismissed because he's the most "innocent" side. yeah, no. more recent events have proved that Patton's emotional knowledge is like through the roof, and he may be silly goofy on purpose sometimes but I'm willing to bet you the exact 26 cents in my jeans pocket that it's the Autism (headcanon) and that the jokes are flying over his head, in a similar way to Logan

social cues are a motherfucker and patton has never agreed to conform to them literally ever, shouting things out in the middle of episodes, saying things that don't make sense to the others but make sense in his brain, etc.

i hate that I don't have specific examples but if you filled in my ramble with specific examples, good!!! you understand what I'm getting at and are helping prove my point, so thanks for that buddy!

ok fuck finally, the other main point I wanted to touch on was Patton's emotional responses in SVS and the Redux. mainly the fact that he's trying so desperately to figure out the morals of this situation, but that is nearly impossible when you're stuck in black-and-white thinking, like he and yeah ok also the other sides too i guess, are. another point towards my goal

basically, the point was, branch out! after I post this I'm gonna stare at a wip that features Patton with the same overwhelming sensory issues I have experienced and continue to experience, along with a moral dilemma also based on myself, as a treat.

and you can too, my friends.

Patton Sanders (handshake emoji cuz i'm writing this on my laptop) Autism

thank you for your time.

(also take with a grain of salt because I'm tired, self-diagnosed with a ton of research i would literally pay you to let me talk about, and this is fueled on nothing but my pure, unabashed, special interest. if there's something I've written that is potentially a super harmful stereotype or borderline offensive to the community, i encourage you to call me out because nobody's perfect but we can become better. have a good day! stay safe, stay informed <3)

[uniasus]

No. 25 SILENCE IS GOLDEN

This is an on-going BBC Merlin Whumptober series.

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"Now, can you break the spell on Arthur?" Leon asked Merlin.

"Maybe? It'd be better if I know what the spell was. Quickest thing to do would be kill the sorcerer." 

"You didn't find him in the woods?" 

"I did but…" 

"But he decided to save your life instead."  

They whirled around to see the sorcerer that'd attacked them before, hood down to expose his lined face. He gave Merlin an appraising look, scanning the young man head to foot. "My offer still stands. I'll remove the spell from Prince Arthur if you allow me to cast it on you instead."  

"Don't you dare," Leon shouted at Merlin, but the instant he spoke the sorcerer flung out a hand to send a spell his way. Leon tensed, but there was no immediate effect of the spell.  

"Leon! Are you all right?" Merlin yelled.  

Leon tried to respond, but the air got stuck in his throat and his tongue wouldn't move to form any sound. He tried again, taking a big lungful of air, but all that happened was that he choked. Merlin was at his side in an instant, hand on his back, but Leon shoved him off to keep his attention on the sorcerer before them.  They couldn't risk distractions. 

For the Love of Camelot did Leon wish Merlin had learned the knights' hand signs instead of stubbornly refusing to learn them. Still, he mimed dragging his thumb across his throat then pointed at the sorcerer, who chuckled at them. 

Leon hoped Merlin got the idea – that Leon's vote was to kill the sorcerer instead of making a trade. Yes, having a mindless Arthur go on a rampage through Camelot would cause some havoc but having a mindless sorcerer would be much, much worse. Especially as most people in the city wouldn't look twice at Merlin. A quick smile and he could be anywhere.  

But for all the Arthur called Merlin an idiot, he was not. "Always been the plan," the servant said. 

There was the bark of a spell and Leon pushed against Merlin, both of them dodging as they stumbled in opposite directions. Leon reached for his sword, ready to charge, but his hand grasped air. Of course, he'd given his sword to Merlin and the weapon still sat on his hip, the sheath tangling in his legs.  

He turned to the servant and made grabby hands, but Merlin ignored him to cast a spell back at the sorcerer. A harsh wind rushed down the road, pushing the man back a dozen steps. Seeing nothing else for it, Leon darted toward Merlin and started unbuckling the belt.  

"What? Leon? What are-, oh!"  

Leon had the leather off Merlin and around his own hips in less than a second and he felt steadier for it. He always did, with a weapon close at hand. Now he faced a new dilemma – how to fight with a sorcerer.  

He knew how to fight with his fellow knights; they drilled formations yes, but they also all had the same basic training. He know how a knight would most likely respond to a threat, knew the moves available to someone holding a sword versus an ax. What a sorcerer could do, what Merlin could do, Leon had no idea. Worse, whatever silencing spell the enemy sorcerer cast meant Leon couldn't give commands. He couldn't strategize and tell Merlin to dodge left or flank the sorcerer.  They'd have to fight independently, checking in via sporadic moments of eye contact- 

"There's four bandits hiding in the woods. There on the left, just beyond the tree with the Y split. You take them and I'll handle the magic threat." 

Or Leon could take orders from Merlin. Merlin who could summon wind, heal grievous wounds, and knew where the enemy was. 

Leon had a passing thought that Merlin would know exactly where an animal was during a hunt and that could be either very useful if they needed the food, or very annoying if he steered a hunting party in the opposite direction.  

"You can handle four, right?" 

Leon gave Merlin an affronted look. Though to be fair, the most Leon could comfortably take on with a high success rate was three. But he had the element of surprise on his side – he knew where the bandits were – and as long as he used that to take out one of them fast he'd be in a better situation.  

"Try to stay off the road," Merlin continued. "My spells tend to be…messy." 

Leon wanted to ask what messy meant, but figured he'd see for himself in a minute.  

There was a shout as the sorcerer tossed a spell at them, not willing to give them more time to regroup. Merlin wrapped his arms around Leon and rolled them to the left. As he did so, Merlin whispered in his ear and Leon shuddered as he suddenly felt cold.  

"I just made you invisible for a minute," Merlin said, getting to his feet and facing the sorcerer. "I'd recommend you make the most of it." 

Leon bolted for the tree with the Y split, weirded out by the fact that the sorcerer's silencing spell included sounds of exertion. Well, he'd take the extra advantage.  

[anautumncarol]

The thing with zombie apocalypse AUs is that there are three distinct style of them so whenever someone tells me they love zombie apocalypse AUs I'm just like "which ones?"

Like we can identify three stages where a story can be set: the outbreak, the survival and the reconstruction of society.

The outbreak is probably the one you'll find more often in your prologues, first seasons and everything of the sort so in some way it's the most done. Most stories do start here or in the early survival stage which I'll include here. In this one, the threat is the zombies (or whatever creature you have) so these stories tend to be more action focused although they do put into place a few fundamental questions on humanity and what the meaning of life is. Moreover it's a good way to think about what humans are like in crises or the legitimacy of damage control.

Survival is where the real monsters end up being other humans. Due to this, the horror is more so psychological and they're just a great way to explore the limits of the human psyche all the while going through popular philosophical dilemmas. This is probably where you'll find the most dead dove although phase one also has its fair share.

The reconstruction of society is the one people often forget despite being done quite often in different ways despite one thing being constant: the threat being society or the government itself. This one is where you'll get the reconstruction of society and the biggest critics of a society's downfall. Whether it is an anti segregation message like disney's zombies or a roadtrip to take down the big bad corporation like Icarus Deranged (if you don't know minchan, don't worry you don't have to know this one) the main critics will happen here but the most inventive remakes of a society can also happen here. After all, it is after an apocalypse that hunger games and divergent take place, building a dystopia society in the aftermath of an apocalypse is a great way to reinvent a corrupt society while still having credible parallels to our current one. Not to mention it can be fun trying to figure out whether the person writing it is a fan of Hobbes or Rousseau (despite the correct answer obviously being the latter. Yes. I'm biased).

So yeah, next time you say your fav AUs are apocalypse ones, remember to say which one it is. Personally I think it might be the last one just because I am a sucker for taking down big bad governments and when well done it can be even tenser than the other two but other than that the survival and outbreak both have their own charms. Not to mention this is not taking into consideration the fact there are different kinds of zombies that will greatly alter the stakes at hand but these three stages tend to appear so I thought I'd write about it real quick.

[heysadcollegestudent]

I think my life might be a tragedy and maybe accepting that instead of waiting for the plot twist might be the only thing I can do to access some tiny bit of relief. Like if I could stop being so shocked or surprised when things go wrong or when people die, that'd be better. Because the spiraling anxiety that comes from trying to get past denial and shock is maybe the worst part. I keep realizing over and over again that this is my life, these are the things that have happened, but before I get any further, my brain is like, "WHAT? WHY? NO. THAT'S NOT REAL. THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE. WHY IS THAT OUR LIFE. I DON'T LIKE IT. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. IT'S ALSO A BAD STORY. SO LIKE, DEFINITELY PROBABLY NOT REAL. WHAT? NO. THIS CAN'T BE." But it is! So then I'm crushed with the reality of my grief over and over again. Which leads me to constantly search for why, what could I have done, what did this to my family, what causes this, what do these tragedies mean, is there something to learn from them, are these things preventable, who or what is responsible for this pain, why should I carry this pain, why shouldn't I give up, does it make a difference, even if it does, is it fair to put myself through not giving up after all that I've had to endure, why do I want any of this to mean anything anyway, why do I care, why should I care, haven't I cared enough already, haven't I earned some rest, is there such a thing

These are not really unanswerable questions. Just they're the kind of questions that require you to make up your own answers. So maybe not unanswerable, but certainly maddening. I've reevaluated my perspectives and beliefs and ideals and behaviors over and over again, and it is a tiresome process, and I think it makes you a little crazy, to fully accept and embrace that truth is subjective, reality is by our own design, and there's no such thing as a fixed and stable identity. To repeatedly engage with the notion that who you are is everchanging is only freeing half the time, and the other half, it drives you mad. Because who am I? Who am I to decide truth and lie, real and not, fact and fiction? But on the other hand, who the fuck is anybody else that says they can decide for me? It's a stupid feeling to realize that you want simple, universal truths, and at the same time, realize that you'd rebel against anyone who claimed to know what those are.

Not only that, but let's say I accept that I get to make these choices for myself in what I believe about the world and myself, okay so where do I start? Something has to be the base, the foundation, doesn't it? So what's first in my understanding of myself? And if how I understand myself is connected to how I understand other human beings and other beings in general, then what's first should be something that is true for all of us, maybe? Or do I even believe that? Do I believe myself to be something separate? Do I even believe other beings are real? What is my definition of real? Something like me? Something that I can see? Something I didn't make up in my mind? Okay, well if that's true, then nothing I decide about anything is real. Maybe realness is irrelevant. Maybe it doesn't matter if it's real or not, maybe it only matters if you can feel it.

You see my dilemma? Or our dilemma, that is, since I think I believe that we're all faced with these questions... or maybe we're not, and what I see as universal questions is as dumb as I think universal truths are. If someone isn't struggling with these doubts, then I hope they ignore me because this is miserable. Which is funny because I wouldn't want to live another way without these questions. I seem to take pride in my curiosity and my wonder, despite how much it depresses me. I wonder if that's some dumb part of my brain holding onto the idea that madness is brilliance, too afraid to know who I could be without these thoughts. Would I be as smart and special and creative? Am I really so smart and special and creative now? How smart and special and creative am I if I can't come up with a way to engage with these ideas without feeling like shit?

Sometimes I don't know where I'm going or what I'm getting at, you know? It's just there's something trying to get out of me or there's something I'm digging at... But I feel like how I imagine a dog feels when they're digging a hole, like, "IDK MAN, BUT I GOTTA, JUST, THERE'S SOMETHING, IDK, IMPORTANT, IT'S DOWN HERE, JUST FUCKING DIG, MAN, WE'LL GET THERE" but there's nothing, just more earth, more dirt and bugs and rocks and maybe other stuff, but if you're digging and you don't know why, how will you recognize what you're looking for? If it could be anything, why not let it be anything? Why not let it be the digging itself that's the point, and when you get bored or tired or sad or hungry or frustrated or lonely or pissed off, just go take a nap or do something else for a while and feel content with the effort? Could I choose that? Am I really getting to choose anything I believe if I have to keep convincing myself of what I believe?

It's going to be such a long life...