#i don't know what to do with all the love i gave to rufus

[jarebear20]

One of the last pictures of Rufus (March 2022) & today's picture of his son (August 2022)

[flowery-laser-blasts]

The girls brought their boys to the Oh Boyz reunion concert.

"Ron, grab that USB before Drakken can install it into his doomsday device" "On it KP!" Ron tries to get to the work desk and trips slamming face first onto the surface causing office supplies to fall all over the place. Drakken runs over and grabs one of the two scattered -almost identical looking- USBs and plugs it into the device "HA! I'll take that, thank you! And now, behold the power of--" "HEY IS THAT 'I WANT IT MY WAY'?!" "Errr... No, it's not what you think--"

Shego and Kim pause their battle, watching the two men go from bickering to singing in no time. Turns out this doomsday device can double as a mega surround sound stereo speaker instalation set.

Ron starts talking about how they saved the Oh Boyz once and that Rufus is their new manager.

Kim thinks and offers a deal "If you hand us the USB, you two can come with us to the Oh Boyz reunion concert." "DEAL!" Shego almost hurts her neck when she snaps her head in Drakken's direction "WHAT?! HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?!" Drakken picks up the USB from the ground and hands it to Kim, he waves the two teens off.

The moment they leave the lair, Shego grabs Drakken by the collar. "Do you have any idea how annoyingly tedious it was for me to get that stupid USB for you?!" "Up-pupup Shego, I did in fact make a backup this morning" "You wha-?" Drakken opens the desk drawer to reveal hundreds upon hundreds of identical looking micro SD chips. "Now if you can help me find out which one of these chips contain-- Shego?" Shego slams the lab door closed behind her.

"Shego? What a coincidence!" Junior lays down on the sunchair next to her. "Junior? What are you doing here in Middleton of all places? Don't you have your own, I don't know, indoor house spa?" "Ah yes, but my lovely girlfriend Bonnie has cheerleader practice right now and I thought, why not broaden my horizon -like they say- and try out the spas of the common folk. You look upset, what's on your mind?"

Shego regretfully tells Junior about what happened this morning and Junior, in his excitement, almost instantaneously heads over to school.

Junior begs Kim and Ron to please bring him and Bonnie along with them to the Oh Boyz concert. "BUT WE WERE GOING TO THE CARIBBEAN ISLANDS FOR THE WEEKEND JUNIOR! YOU'RE SO RICH, YOU CAN EASILY BUY THE OH BOYZ FOR A PRIVATE CONCERT!" "But my darling! I want to experience the real pop idol experience! I need to know what it is to be amongst the fans, so I can understand what it feels like to them. That way I'll become a more understanding teen pop idol sensation! It's like, what you call it; homework, yes?" "Ugh... FINE! Alright Kim, you take care of everything, we'll take care of transport. I am NOT going to go there by cab. "

And thus all six of them ended up at the concert.

The boys: absolutely starstruck (Drakken eventually gave up on finding the chip.)

The girls:

- Bonnie doesn't like being amongst 'common folk', sure she would've loved this a few months ago, but now that she's dating one of the richest guys in the world. This has become dull.

- Kim pulled some strings with Rufus, asking for a favor to make this night unforgettable for the guys.

- Shego is confused as to why the Oh Boyz songs sound oh so familiar to some other boyband she used to hear on the radio when she was in college.

[queermania]

Wait wait wait. Jensen picked the writer who gave Dean a lesbian best friend and made him a nerd to be the show runner for his little fixit fic show? This is amazing!

when you look at robbie's run of episodes (that he wrote specifically, not produced or was the executive story editor on), a very specific version of supernatural and dean starts to emerge and it is insanity-inducing. here's a very brief rundown of the episodes robbie wrote:

slash fiction -swayze always gets a pass -dean singing air supply -"it's like eating self-righteousness' -the creation and introduction of frank devereaux -"applications for sainthood" -dean letting sam go

time after time -"what are you gonna look up more anime or are you strictly into dick now?" -dean being a nerdy little fanboy about eliott ness (and checking out a dude in a uniform but that was probably jacting joices) -dean getting excited about dressing up in period clothing!! -understanding that rufus matters and that family isn't just blood -original sam is milf!bait (and he's into it) truther -actually writing grief in nuanced ways -dean is smart and resourceful actually! -your future is "covered in thick black ooze" (which i know is just a very lucky coincidence but i don't care!)

the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo -CHARLIE!!! he gave us charlie. he said "actually what if hardcore fans were cool and fun and GAY and they were dean's new best friend" -charlie/dean/security guard flirting split screen -"she's kinda like the little sister I never wanted." "how does a high-school dropout become one of the brightest minds…" -basically this entire episode is just "be gay, do crime" and i love that for me specifically

bitten -not my favorite episode but as @ilarual says "it's very fun in how it illustrates Robbie's willingness to play with form, since it's all done as found footage" -and as @doctorprofessorsong says it "has the concept of monsters aren’t always bad guys" -and apparently it contains a brokeback reference? my memory of this episode is hovering at around 1% tbh but you get it

larp and the real girl -dressing dean up in little outfits AGAIN -and he likes it!!! -and he likes being a nerd! (dean is getting into it and sam is the one who is unamused mr serious guy!!!!) -and charlie is dean's new best friend! -"belladonna" "the pornstar?" -"did you break up with someone too?" -honestly you already know all of it. this is a fan favorite for a reason. what more can i say about this episode??

goodbye stranger -yes robbie was the first writer to try to give us a destiel love confession -cas practicing killing dean over and over and over and still not being able to do it when it comes down to it -"what broke the connection?" gee i wonder -first episode writing cas and he nailed the sort of unintentional deadpan humor that makes cas so lovable ("would it kill you to watch a movie? read a book?" "a movie, no, but with a book with the proper spells—yeah, it could theoretically kill me.") -"if he's so sketchy then why are you praying to him?" -pizza man reference -"do you really think we can trust megstiel?" (we get both megstiel and jealous!dean) -dean quoting lord of the rings (because he's a nerd! and he reads!) -meg roasting the shit out of sam for the amelia stuff -etc

pac-man fever -charlie reading the carver edlund books -charlie and dean being besties/getting a montage -dean telling charlie that what happened with her parents wasn't her fault/understanding the guilt she feels -"i love you" "i know" -"what about castiel? he seems helpful, and dreamy" -again, putting dean in little outfits -charlie knows how to shoot/aim a gun

slumber party -dorothy!! -oz!!! -look, is this episode cheesy? yes. but it's fun and it's so obviously a love letter to the oz source material and i love that about robbie. he does his research and he commits

first born -cain!!!! -drowley team up!!!!! ("friends. besties, actually." im sorry but drowley means so much to me personally and this is the start of their beautiful bromance) -"this is by far the dumbest idea you've ever had." "yeah, well, it's early" -cas liked pb&js!! jelly, not jam. he found jam unsettling!! -"you have a guinea pig? where?" -"you're a terrible liar?" "that is not true. i once deceived and betrayed both you and your brother." -just. sastiel shenanigans (and hugs!) -"she only asked for one thing." "to stop" -anyway. you get it.

meta fiction -dean and cas phone call smiles!! they LIKE each other -metatron media dump -"what makes a story work? is it the plot, the characters, the text? the subtext? and who gives a story meaning? is the writer? or you?" -i think it's important to note that robbie who wrote gabriel faking his own death -cas noticing something is wrong with dean pretty much instantly and then discovering the mark of cain

fan fiction -i mean. come on. -"although we do explore the nature of destiel in act two." -"you can't spell subtext without s-e-x" -sam being such a younger brother and trolling dean about "destiel" -"BM scene" -dean "you know they're brothers, right?"-ing the w*ncest stuff but just being flustered about the destiel stuff ayyyy -dean casually referencing andrew lloyd webber -"transformative fiction" -"i want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can" -dean quoting rent -the samulet is back! -"i have my version, and you have yours." -"he took away our own free will" <- about john!! -THE RETURN OF CHUCK!

there's no place like home -"i forgive you dean" "yeah well i don't" "i know, kinda your move" -"you hurt my friend" -"you lied to me" "you lied to yourself. that's kinda your move." -i mean. robbie just gets it, ya know?

book of the damned -cas being a huge bitch (love that) -sam being the excessively codependent one -cas and charlie get to meet! -found family goodness if only for a little bit!!

angel heart -ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! -"i got it at the hot topical" (and claire keeping grumpy cat) -no seriously. dean and cas went birthday present shopping together for claire and they did it at a mall -castiel feeling guilt for what he did to the novak family (and amelia recognizing that cas has changed/grown) -"you were both troubled teens. you speak her language." -"bring your daughter to work day" -"i'm saying she might be stronger on her own." which is a controversial line but i think it says something really significant about how dean feels about his childhood "in fact you're not anything to her except a constant reminder of someone that's gone." -mini golf!!!!!! dean and claire bonding!!!! -the introduction of the grigori, a class of angels which may or may not be important at some point -claire roasting the shit out of dean with "you seem pretty old" <3 -"happy birthday. don't shoot me."

baby -do i really need to explain anything about this one? -"okay first of all, never use swayze's name in vain, okay? ever." -"mistakes were made" -dean having a dream about john teaching him to drive but under normal and appropriate circumstances -werepire…. ghoulpyre… -honestly just the whole episde. you know what i'm talking about. the unique perspective. the insight into their day-to-day lives. the moments that live in between.

into the mystic -eileen! my best friend eileen! -dean x mildred otp -remembering sam's lucifer/hell trauma -the whole "follow your heart" speech -"banshees go after the vulnerable, so why'd it go after you?" -dean recognizing there's something off with cas -but really the most important thing here is EILEEN

safe house -bobby and rufus!!!! -i repeat BOBBY AND RUFUS!!!! -"were you ever nice?" "1985. worst year of my life." -robbie just really GETS that this show is more fun when it's not centered entirely on the brothers. -bobby referring to sam and dean as his boys -timey wimey shenanigans -there were some interesting implications in this episode too but i'm losing steam here so i'm gonna let you rewatch and figure it out lol

don't call me shurley -the reveal of chuck as god!!!! -bisexual chuck -dean does sam's laundry (sometimes with beer) -chuck is a shitty egotistical writer -he also plays the guitar and: "i like front row seats. you know, i figured i'd hide out in plain sight." -"i thought if i could show my sister that there was something more than just us, something better than us, then maybe she'd change. maybe she'd stop being… her. but every time I'd build a new world, she'd destroy it." -"the world would still be spinning with demon dean in it but sam couldn't have that though could he?" -"you were gonna choose amara over me."

so. yeah. jensen chose THIS GUY to helm the winchesters. bold move, sir. full respect.

also, this tweet always makes me crack up

one of us! one of us! one of us!

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #50

I heard something very distressing about what's in store for you through the grapevine. Admittedly, though, I'm not sure about the integrity of this source. So I will not say what was said just yet. I don't wanna put that kind of negativity out into the void in any case.

All the same, I'm not really sure what more I can do to help you. I already have a petition. I have the initial letter that I wrote to you, which I gave to some very important people. I have all my handicrafts that I made for you - the music boxes, the tree in your colors, the Rainbow Tree Materia (Tree of Life) that I made and also gave to the very important people, an acapella, and with today, I will have 50 generic letters for you. So few seem to want to look at any of these things I've done. So few seem interested in helping me to help you.

Still, I'm doing my best to try to reach you. To try to get you to save yourself. To try to get others to understand that you are deserving of kindness and mercy. But I am surrounded by people who say things like, "I hate how they're painting Sephiroth as such a great guy before his descent into madness; clearly he was always nuckin' futz and evil from the get-go." And… just… sigh…

…These people who can say that with such confidence must have no idea what it's like to grow up in a place where you're abused horribly, forced into a role you don't want, and "loved" only for the ways you can be of use. They have no idea what it's like to be so othered by broader society that you start to believe that the world and everyone in it is your enemy. They don't know what it is for your silent cries for mercy, for a friend, or for any shred of support or compassion or understanding to fall upon willfully deaf ears. They don't know what it is to live on your knees in a life you don't want with no one who seems to care for so long that you break.

And… it's good that they don't know what that is. But at the same time, the fact that they don't know is what allows them to say such ignorant and callous things. They don't understand the mechanics that led to your choices. They don't understand that any human in your shoes with your same circumstances and neurobiology is likely to have made the same ones.

…But you know. I live in a society where compassion and mercy, by and large, are considered weaknesses. I live in a society where people prefer retributive justice over restorative justice. I live in a society where people want to just punish those who make mistakes instead of examine and correct the social structures and economic systems that produce those mistakes. I live in a society in which "othered" people are regularly dehumanized, demonized, and excluded, if not outright eliminated. A lot of the wars that are fought here are fought on the basis that "group xyz are all monsters that need to be exterminated like the vermin that they are."

…And that's why you are villainized and hated, meanwhile Rufus Shinra and the Turks are celebrated and adored and excused for their mistakes, despite the fact that they're responsible for far more deaths than you (offscreen, admittedly), and human trafficking besides (this was very much not offscreen, but it seems a lot of folks don't know about it).

You're an autistic person with trauma. And my world doesn't like autistic people very much, and they don't like traumatized people very much, either. I see the words people say about you - things like "broken beyond repair" and "bad person" and "horrible evil guy" and "arrogant", and… they don't seem to realize that when they talk about you like that, they're talking about me and about a bunch of people I love, too. They don't seem to understand that they're talking about very real people, who society refuses to help, because they are considered "bad", "horrible", "evil", "arrogant", and "broken beyond repair". In a word - worthless. Worthless and undeserving of compassion or mercy in any way, shape, or form. There are a lot of people that my global society considers "better off dead". You are one of them. And so am I. And so are a lot of people I care very deeply about.

…And I'm tired. I'm tired of living in this place. I'm tired of the heartbreak I see every day, tired of watching this group or that group get villainized for one reason or another, tired of watching people think they're doing "good" in the world by killing "monsters", tired of watching my planet die because the people in charge are more concerned with profits than with human life, tired of watching the way the people in charge are worshipped anyway because people in my world equate wealth with goodness of character, meanwhile there are people on the street who are victims of the ones in charge getting spat on just for asking for the basic necessities to survive. My world does not like "unproductive" members of society AT ALL.

And then… gosh, you know? If my world doesn't think that someone as kind, gentle, and amazing as you shouldn't get to have any mercy because of his neurobiology and because of his mistakes… if even someone with your ability to be a "productive member of society" isn't considered worthy of compassion and mercy, then what chance in hell does someone like me - a traumatized, autistic person who once (but no longer) wished she could raze everything to the ground - have? My skeleton is falling the fuck apart and I'm in a lot of physical pain literally all the time, and from my own upbringing and experiences, my mind exists in pieces to the point where I have to be on top of managing it CONSTANTLY - I am in a lot of mental/emotional pain literally all the time as I swat away intrusive thought after intrusive thought and nasty flashback after nasty flashback. I'm not "useful" to anyone anymore. I'm not sure if I ever was. I'm not sure if I ever can be again, at this point, at least in the way my society considers "good" and "proper".

Sephiroth, it's all very heavy today, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help you. I don't know how to help anyone. I feel so powerless. I think people must think that I'm nuts for calling for mercy for you. But they don't seem to understand that if we want things in my world to change, we first have to change how we see those who are fallen. I don't have the power to change that by myself. But your story at very least has the ability to sow the seeds of change, if only the people in charge of it will allow you to have some kind of peace. But I'm not sure that they're going to give that to you. I'm not really sure of anything today. It all seems so frightening and uncertain.

…Admittedly, it's becoming harder and harder for me to find reasons to stay here in this fucked-up meat-mech that I'm driving around in this fucked-up world with. I'm doing the best I can, but like… I'm hurting literally all the time. My voice isn't valued here, and I know that because anytime I raise my voice in spaces that aren't the walls of my home or the innermost parts of my social circle, I'm either laughed at or ignored. And I'm sure that even my friends and chosen family are getting sick and fucking tired of hearing me talk and talk and talk and FUCKING. TALK. about autism or trauma or our social systems and how fucked up they are or… you, and how your story might be able to start to change all of that for the better, if it's done right.

…I'm getting sick of me, anyway. Getting sick of the sound of the flow of my thoughts. Getting sick of hearing myself talk about the same old shit all the time. Getting sick of the pain that constantly wracks my mind and body. Getting sick of trying to do kind and good things in this stupid place where I get told I'm an idiot for it, and nothing ever changes. It's the same age-old story of the strong stepping on the weak, gleefully feasting on their desperate cries for mercy and savoring their tears like fine wine, day in and day fucking out.

…I'm sorry. I don't have anything uplifting to write to you today. Because I've had enough. You know what, though? I'm writing to you anyway, because just like you, I am human. All humans have this side to them, and if I'm going to try to show you that you're also human… if I'm going to try to show you and others that even good people have darker sides to them that come out when things get heavy… then I'm not going to hide my less-than-stellar sides from you or from anyone else who reads these random weird things I write. I'm cracked and broken, but I gotta still believe that there's some aspect of me that's worthwhile, even if it's small and hard for me to see.

What I need to do is drink some water. Because certainly part of why I'm having a hard time is the simple fact that I'm dehydrated as hell today. Speaking of which - are YOU on top of your hydration game? If not, then get on that; it's IMPORTANT.

I'm not at risk yet of exiting my meat-mech. I still have work to do. I work for the sake of you and for the sake of my world, even if it seems that no one hears me. I still have people to reach for. You're one of them. I still have smiles to coax out of all the people who live and breathe. I hope to see your smile someday, too.

You also have work to do. A world to save. A self to save. Trauma and conditioning to overcome. Paths to change. A future worth living for. So get up off your butt and do it already, willya? Because you've got people over here who love you enough that if you're not okay by the end of this, they won't recover from your absence, and they're never gonna be the same.

I know because I'm one of them, and even if it was just me by myself (and it's NOT just me by myself; there are millions of people who clamor for your happiness and safety! I just haven't found many of them yet because most of them seem to clamor silently!), you still don't get to say that no one cares about you, because contrary to what broader society might like me to believe, I AM NOT A WORTHLESS NOBODY.

And neither are you!! So start acting like you're somebody outside of what you can do for someone else! Start acting like you're worth something and make choices in light of that belief! You don't have to do what that weird space parasite says because it doesn't care about you anyways! Tell it to fuck off and go away! Start listening instead to the people who do care about you - people like Zack, Genesis, and Angeal! For heaven's sake, get out of your own damn way and move your ass because you're running out of time to fix this, and I don't think I can take watching you die a second time!!

I'm going to write you another letter tomorrow. No matter how heavy it gets. No matter how much it hurts. Just watch me. I will not be stopped.

Your friend, Lumine

[strideofpride]

“I personally headcanon, and I think there's enough to go off in canon to support it, that Dan was closer to Alison than Rufus before she left.” Okay I love this take and it makes me sooo curious what the Humphrey family dynamic was actually like before Alison left and Dan stepped into a more parental role with Jenny!! The only Humphrey childhood anecdotes I can specifically remember are the one from 1x06 where Jenny tells Serena the story about 5 year old Dan being terrified of the Ice Capades, and the one from 1x15 that Rufus initially misremembers:

Rufus Humphrey:
[to Jenny] You used to cry when I didn't walk you to school.

Jenny Humphrey:
That wasn't me. That was Dan.

Dan Humphrey:
I was six. It was a very emotional time for me, post T-ball.

And the subtext of the 1x15 bit stands out to me, because in the show’s present it’s obviously Dan who’s afforded all of the autonomy and treated more like an equal by Rufus while Jenny’s just a kid in need of protection, yet in these few glimpses we’re given of the past Jenny’s the one who seems to have been the more independent and self-reliant kid, while Dan comes across as having been a lot more sensitive and delicate when he was a child.

I’m curious what the early/middle childhood sibling relationship was actually like between Dan and Jenny - were they parented more equally back then and did they therefore have a more equal relationship, or was Jenny always treated as the more problematic of the two? Were Rufus and Jenny ever afforded the easier going, buddy-buddyish type of bond that Dan and Rufus have when Alison was around to be The Mom™️, and is that why Rufus kind of sucks as a disciplinarian in the present even though he’s otherwise a decent dad? Or did Rufus and Dan only develop that type of relationship as a direct consequence of Alison’s departure? And at what point did Alison become so fed up with her marriage and her life that she decided moving away and giving up primary custody of her kids was the best thing for everyone, and how long did that tension simmer beneath the surface?

I've kind of always assumed that Alison was doing the bulk of the child rearing. I don't think Rufus was an absent father, but I do think it was the traditional gender role stuff of Rufus focuses on keeping the family afloat by running the gallery while Alison stays home with the kids. So when Alison leaves, Rufus has to become a lot more involved with the day-to-day of raising children than he ever was before.

With what I know of sibling dynamics, I kinda feel like Dan being the sensitive, needy one kinda pushed Jenny into being the more self-reliant one. Like all kids are sensitive and needy but the way they express it is formed by the dynamics of their home. But because Dan was the older one, he did mature first, and you know, being an eldest sibling myself, your parents do start to rely on you at a certain point to help with your younger sibling, which clearly is what happened with Dan.

I think Jenny probably only really became the "problematic" child when she started at Constance immediately prior to season 1. I think a lot of Rufus, Dan, and Alison's reactions to Jenny that season imply that they're not used to her acting like this/that they're seeing a new side to her. Which makes sense if this is Jenny's first year in the prep school system and the Humphrey sibs went to public school K-8.

Rufus does a lot of the typical dad double standard stuff when parenting his son vs his daughter, which makes me think that even though Dan and Rufus weren't as close before Alison left, they could still be buddy-buddy in a father-son way. While with Jenny, I could see her being a daddy's girl when she was younger, but her father didn't look at her like a "buddy" in the same way he did his son, if that makes sense? But like I said, I think Dan and Rufus truly became more like peers when Alison left and Dan stepped up into a parental role.

And then as for Alison...I mean, she gave up her artistic dreams to be a mom. Rufus at least had the gallery to go to during the day, while she was at home with the kids. I think she has a line somewhere about how her entire adult life has been about Rufus, so it sounds like it's the very typical thing that happens in a marriage where the woman kinda ends up giving up her identity to focus on being a wife and a mother and then she wakes up one day and doesn't know who she is anymore. I imagine it's the kind of thing that's "slowly, then all at once" where she slowly loses herself and becomes unhappier as the years go on and then she woke up one day in the spring of 2007 and said "that's it, I'm done" and decided then and there to leave for Hudson for the summer.

And part of me really gets it and another part of me really doesn't, because how could you just give up having custody of your kids like that? Like Rufus and Alison never seem to have a custody battle, my guess is that they have nothing in writing, Rufus has no qualms about her staying in the loft with the kids while he's on tour in between seasons 1 and 2, and it's initially his idea to send Jenny to Alison at the end of season 3. So it's fully her choice to stay in Hudson and rarely visit. Which I know is just cause of how TV production works, but in universe...yeah I don't really fully know how she was able to just...go months and months without seeing her kids like that. Especially because she seems very maternal when we do see her with them. Idk. In my Alison fic, I decided that it's because while she felt strongly she had to be in Hudson, she had moved around a lot herself when she was a kid and didn't want to uproot her own kids like that.

But yeah, the show never really takes the time to explore why she went all the way up to Hudson, instead of just getting her own place in the city, or write throwaway lines about her calling or visiting beyond season 1 so it's all just up to your own interpretation.

[vanderwoodlings]

that depth of feeling: a rufly playlist (x)

Tracklist (and commentary) under the cut:

1. “Uptown Girl,” Billy Joel. It’s Their Song TM

1. “Uptown Girl,” Billy Joel. It’s Their Song TM

2. “18,” Anarbor. …but I feel like this might capture Rufus’s actual early feelings a little bit better. And I know it's just a phase, you're not in love with me/You wanna piss off your parents, baby/Piss off your parents, that's alright with me

3. “Dear Maria, Count Me In,” All Time Low. Something about the way that Rufus’s songwriting and Lily’s photography had these intertwined stories going on of the adventure they were going on together. There's a story at the bottom of this bottle and I'm the pen

4. “Crimson and Clover,” Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. Ah, now I don't hardly know her/But I think I can love her

5. “I Think I Love You,” The Partridge Family. This just has big Rufus energy imo. Disaster man

6. “Guitar String / Wedding Ring,” Carly Rae Jepsen. But if you cut a piece of guitar string/I would wear it like it's a wedding ring/Wrapped around my finger, you know what I mean?

7. “Past Lives,” Kesha. But I, I keep on falling/For you/Time after time. Okay yeah there’s the obvious but I like the way the song is actually meant to be interpreted for them—I mean, like “that depth of feeling, our unbelievably powerful bond”

8. “Long Way Home,” Jukebox the Ghost. One day, further down the road/With full-grown children of your own/If I pass by you on a busy street/Will you remember me?

9. “Do You Love Me Still?” The Kooks. Baby, do you love me still?/‘Cause I miss you/I miss you/Baby/I miss you. I mean, we don’t really get a lot of answers about the adults’ pasts, but we are told that Rufus and Lily were on-and-off even before things gave their final going sideways, so I think how extended I made this section is valid

10. “The Summer,” Josh Pyke. We should be living like we lived that summer/I wanna live like we live in the summer/So if I could bottle up the sea breeze I would take it over to your house/And pour it loose through your garden.

11. “Here With Me,” The Killers. This was the song that started this—y’all, I don’t even, like… ship this. But this kicked something on in my brain and so here we are

12. “Time Passages,” Al Stewart. A girl comes towards you, you once used to know/You reach out your hand, but you're all alone in these/Time passages/I know you're in there, you're just out of sight

13. “White Flag,” Dido. And when we meet/Which I'm sure we will/All that was there/Will be there still/I'll let it pass/And hold my tongue.

14. “You’ve Haunted Me All My Life,” Death Cab for Cutie. You are the mistress I can't make a wife/And you've haunted me all my life

15. “Over You,” Ingrid Michaelson, A Great Big World. Maybe if I tell myself enough/Maybe if I do/I'll get over you. There’s an element of conversation, of ambiguity, to a lot of these broken up ones, but like. Lily x repression is one of gg’s true otps

16. “Walls - Circus,” Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Rufus when his ex walks back into his life and Oh Fuck. And if I never do nothing/I'll get you back some day/‘Cause you got a heart so big/It could crush this town/And I can't hold out forever/Even walls fall down

17. “Taking Pictures of You,” The Kooks. Lily’s photography and that moment when she has to shut the interviewer because her photography was so intertwined with her love for Rufus but she’s in denial about still being in love with him is Top Ten Moments I Found Them Compelling

18. “The Rescue,” American Hi-Fi. I wish I could fly, I know I can save us somehow/You thought you were safe and sound but you need a hero now/You gotta believe even with broken wings. Something something Bart Bass (derogatory)

19. “How to Rest,” The Crane Wives. Lily when her ex walks back into her life and Oh Fuck. Those of us who vow never to love again, to love again/Are making liars out of honest men/It's not something that you put to bed/Hang your head and just forget/No, love don't know how to rest

20. “Hold My Hand,” New Found Glory. Getting closer now…

21. “Be My Escape,” Relient K. If I wanna make a Jesus song about romantic love that’s my business

22. “Like The First Time,” Peter, Paul, and Mary. Like the first time, only better/We're a song that must be sung together!/Like the first time, only this time/Could it be forever?

23. “Anywhere,” Passenger. Darling, just look beside you/Oh, I'll go with you anywhere

24. “Uptight (Everything’s Alright),” Stevie Wonder. She says no one is better than I, I know I'm just an average guy/No football hero or smooth Don Juan/Got empty pockets, you see I'm a poor man's son. TFW you study the wrong opera

25. “Everlong,” Foo Fighters.

26. “I Belong in Your Arms,” Chairlift. Swear to God, double knot/What would you do if I stole you tonight? (Ah ah)/Why waste time? (Ah ah) hmmm half-planned wedding moments

27. “Love You Like That,” Dagny. You know how they say you got the real thing/When nothin' else matters/I love you like that

28. “Skies the Limit,” Fleetwood Mac. And when we do, I'll think about you/How can we fail?

29. “All Your Life,” The Band Perry. Well, I don't want the whole world/The sun, the moon, and all their light/I just want to be the only girl/You love all your life

30. “Things Are Right With You,” Cloud Nothings. You give up what you know/Can't explain where to go/And you move in a world that moves on its own/Feel right feel right feel right/Feel lighter

[cwarscars]

*taps mic* hi hello good night! I'm here to talk about Magnar Valerio Heidegger because of course that is his canon name and I don't care what SE has to say about it. :) No, but really - I know I've said this in the past but Heid is an emotional muse for me and I'll do this again.

I don't think I was prepared for how much you made me care for him - it's fair that the remake made him more than a lil pixel in a green coat and thick beard, but I had no feelings or thoughts for Heid until I met you. I remember being a weird choice of a muse - Reeve and Scarlet (even Hojo with the yucky factor) were such popular directors, why would someone pick Heidegger?

All I can say is that I'm glad you did it because HOLY FUCK. I remember reading through this incredibly long and detailed bio and just... Fully seeing Heidegger as a fully-fleshed character. The abuse at the hands of the father he failed to recognize as such; the intense pressure to succeed and to please him nonetheless; the marriage that ended in heartbreak with two daughters he didn't spend nearly enough time with; the worship of Shinra Sr.; his views on world politics and how he so clearly sees himself as a man with the guts to do what needs to be done to achieve results.

With your writing, I just went from someone who largely ignored him to someone who frankly adores the character. There is just so MUCH room for growth, complicated themes to work with and you just turned him into this layered, complex asshole I love? That Melissa would definitely marry no matter the verse? I just cannot get enough of how much history you've given him, how plausible it all sounds and the fact that you write a villain we can relate/understand his reasoning without ever woobifying him.

You are THE Heidegger writer to me and I'm forever amazed and wowed by your headcanons and super well detailed posts. It all tracks to the OG or the remake in some way and it's just so good I forget it's not canon. Or fuck that - you're better than canon. PLUS Heidegger gave me you and 3 years later (3 years??? omg) we're here and having fun and I will never not love the husbando for it.

You're amazing and your Heidegger is a work of art. *mic drop*

hey…how’s my portrayal? ♡

(( MARI. WHAT THE FUCK ----

i legit saw the start of this and thought 'ooohhhh, a nice tasty lil ask for heidegger & mel to have sexy times in' AND THEN I KEPT READING AND I WAS LIKE 'WAIT A SECOND'. you know something, i'm not much of an emotional bear - i think we both know this because i have n e r v e s of s t e e l but...this got my eyes damp? like, what the hell???

i feel emotional reading this, it's like how i mentioned to light; it feels good to have been given the platform and supported by you guys in writing heid. like, i feel as though these headcanons and storylines and stuff come out because of you guys. i sometimes feel so embarrassed by my love of this guy because he isn't cloud or sephiroth or even one of the lesser but still popular characters (ala rufus or tseng). like, who the hell would like heidegger? haha. well, me apparently :P

but it feels great because i get this support and this validation by people like yourself. you just DIVEBOMB into my inbox with this absolute love letter of goodness and it honestly has me feeling so warm and fuzzy. ive been so down these last few weeks just due to various bits and pieces and you know, when you reach a stage where you can't even cry* because you feel so shit? well, now i'm sat here with lil happy tears beading in the corners of my eyes - like, bruh- you did that, i love you for it.

of course - i can't just fawn on how much i love you and how sweet you are, mari. because our friendship is special and i'm so forever grateful to have started to write with you that one day and i'm so glad that everything from there has happened and we've always stayed in touch but like -

melissa. you KNOW i wouldn't have half the characterisation of heid if it wasn't for her. that initial meeting - the INITIAL plots we had with the blackmail and stuff before these two coconuts fell in love. their son and retirement to costa del sol. remember the bitchy neighbour that mel HATED? edlyn and dwayna befriending mel and mel restoring their relationship with their father? all of the smut and all of the wonderful things we've written together? mari, you're such a special writing partner to have. you're one in a million. your girl is the best and i (and my lil collection of men) will forever love her. i don't even need to tell you how much i adore your writing because you know i could read a novel of your works. please write mel into a book, i NEED

my final thing i wanna say is just -

suns out, guns out - i love them and i love you ♡♡♡♡

[throwaway-yandere]

Pfffft Ansy, the father and the son KSKFIDJRUCUD

Ohhhh no, an AU where Dimitri and Dainsleif are siblings but Dain was a slip (doubt it. Dimitri's papa is a good man *sobs*) or he is the son of Dimitri's uncle (Rufus? I always forget his name). Whatever, the point is, Dain is the second possible heir that royalty don't want people to know about, so they assign him as Dimitri's personal knight without telling them they are related. They train and study together, and suffer the catastrophe together... but in the end, Dainsleif had to flee as they belived him a traitor. As a wanted child who has a remarkable similarity to Prince Dimitri, he covered half of his face so no one can recognize him.

You and Dimitri met at the academia, and he fell madly in love with you. You felt flattered but never returned his feelings, not wanting to be part of royal costumes and all but you gave him all the support a friend cand give when he hitted one of his lowest points. When the 5 years gap passes, through that time, you met Dansleif, deciding to travel together away from the war which ended with him pinning after you, but now he is on a quest to find his lost brother/cousin to inform him of the betrayal of Rufus, the real reason of the massacre.

Now, that everything is better and you have establish yourself in some city of Faerghus, were one day a visit from the new king is taking place, which is not weird due of the recent events of Rufus being revealed as the true traitor of the Duscur event. What you didn't expect, was Dainsleif walking almost right beside him. It finally makes sense in your brain why he always asked about the whereabouts of Dimitri whenever the two of you reached a settlement, and why he looked at you with so much hope in his eyes for the first time since you two met, when you told him about him being in Garreg Mach just before you parted ways.

The two men who haven't stop loving you after so much time are in front of you. How are you going to get out of this? You don't seek a relationship right now or in the near future, but with the way both of them are looking at you, you feel that you won't have that much of a say.

Alternatively, Dimitri is the true ruler of Dragonspine, but he was in an ice-induced slumber until one day you and Dainsleif find him, and ever since the three of you adventurer together.

(Did I just made a crossover for this? Yes. Do I care? No, simp for them, that's all you have to Do)

And also??? I did the same for Cyno 😂 I saved up like for four months and got him at c3. Love my jokester so much 💙💙💙💙

Personally, I fell for Felix for some reason (but Dimitri is really close behind him). He is such a hardheaded individual that I can't help but annoy 👀 (such a childish behaviour, he would say, as I inform him that it's all to get him to talk to Me lmao) ("Fine. You finally have my attention but now you quiver before Me? Where went that resolution? To do anything no matter the means To get my eyes on you? Commit to your words, because now I am going to the same to you.")

Yeah... sorry if this is a mess of an ask ALFIRJRIUF I wasn't expecting to see Three houses on the fandom lists and got excited.

NUTJOB ANON THIS IS UNFINISHED BUT HERE WAS ME ADDING DETAILS IN THE DRAFTS EVERY NOW AND THEN 😭😭😭 LITERALLY UNFINISHED THE BULLET POINT IS STILL OPEN

I… am incredibly self indulgent. I want to keep this for myself forever– I am so in love with this. I admit, I constantly daydream a universe where they're all together, but my version of that is Dainsleif is just one of his knights that loathes visiting the Monastery but omg brothers/cousins Dain and Dimitri is such an amazing concept I hate myself for not thinking about this before 😭 My comrade this will be on my mind rent free. 

I agree I can't see Lambert as that type of person (I imagine he was as adorably awkward as Dimi when he was alive ;;–;;;) so for the sake of my rambling they're cousins! Rufus is known for playing around anyways so this works well ehehehehe

This is a yandere blog and I am sorry if a yandere response is not what you wanted, but dang it I'm taking this excuse to write my take on yandere!Dimitri and secret prince!Dain headcanons fhsjkaoa.

We're adding other genshin characters into the mix cause frick it WHY NOT?!

YANDERE!DIMITRI AND DAINSLEIF BRAINROT (CROSSOVER):

Some world building details: 

We're gonna pretend the Monastery and the Akademiya are the same thing and that Fodlan exists as a continent besides Teyvat (and that Khaenri'ah didn't exist lmao. Khaenri'ah erasure–)

First off: the twins are either both on the Golden Deer or they're split between Black Eagles and Blue Lions. And for the sake of angst we're choosing the latter option–

Dainsleif was born with the major crest of Blaiddyd unlike Dimitri who only has a minor crest, and that unfortunately means he has a better chance at succeeding the throne in this society.

They come from an archonless land (Sothis doesn't have one element she could control and "time" is a very complex concept) so naturally they depend on crests more than visions. Besides, they rely on reason and faith rather than elemental reactions. And the Akademiya/Officer's Academy is a prestigious university who offers all of that.

But of course, Dain did not have a rich upbringing. I imagine he would be found in an orphanage with Lumine.

For the sake of extra angst, Lumine is separated from Aether, who lived a life of luxury in Mondstadt. This happened because she did not bear a crest like her brother did.

Perhaps Alois found the two kids before he realized they're both likely to be children kf nobility. Based on the orphanage's data on him, his mother used to rendezvous with Rufus as well.

Luckily, he is "just" one of Rufus' many bastards. Lying to everyone that he doesn't have a crest comes as easy as breathing. 

His Teyvat-an mother taught him not to trust nobles so easily before she passed.

Dainsleif easily pretended that it was his blood they used to check if he had a crest of not, even though it was likely Lumine's. Rufus lost interest quickly. But he keeps an eye on him by making sure he's raised as Dimitri's retainer. Spy might be the more fitting word, but Dainsleif doesn't care for his father.

I like to imagine young!dimitri is lowkey pissed at Dain because when Dain has a long haircut he's seen as cool and collected but when Dimi has a long haircut he gets called a "young maiden" by a well-known knight lmao

And thus, Dainsleif became the "Twilight Sword", known for his repertoire and loyalty to the crown.

And being Dimitri, Sylvain, Felix, and Glenn's spokesperson when the boys started doing something stupid. And it's always just Sylvain.

Felix doesn't like him, but he tolerates him better than Dimitri that's for sure. (Unlike Dimitri, Dain's a lot more sane after losing everything but that might just be because 500 years have passed.) His skill with the sword is impeccable, and he doesn't hold back when calling Dimitri out either.

"For all your years of being close to one another, it's a pity that you lack Felix's clarity when it comes to your apparent mental distress." - Dain @ Dimitri, probably.

(Dain is the sassiest king of tutorials lmao)

Well, at least that's how positively stark his reputation was until the Tragedy of Duscur and the loss of his closest friend, Glenn.

Rufus's retainer idea failed when Dimitri insisted on having Dedue as his main right hand man. The two relatives didn't argue about this, in fact, they agreed that this was the better choice.

To prove his loyalty to Dimitri's cause, he decided to leave Faerghus, and therefore don his infamous half mask whilst traveling Teyvat.

This, to him, is a way to atone his sins.

Enter (Y/n)!!!

The first person you meet is Lumine! You had quite the "meet-cute", bumping into each other on the halls with you losing your notes and with her dropping her inteyvats on the ground.

Lumine apparently got in the Akademiya as a a scholar. You asked her what her field of study was before but her answer is complicated. She said something about how her tuition is paid by doing daily commissions. You didn't understand it.

Of course, you're both in Blue Lions!!!!

Besties are cute af Lumine is a swordmaster and you're like annette who's good at boosting strength stats!!!

Because of that, Byleth partners you more with her, and never Dimitri because his stats are enough. Which, by the way, makes him pretend to be ill sometimes just for a chance to talk to you. He's not above lying. He did the same with his supports with Ashe.

-------------

Back to my incoherent rambling because this is also a mess of a response lmao:

A fellow Cyno haver??? Heck yeah!!! He's C0 of course but I'm very happy to have him! Razor is my first main and since then I've decided on collecting his family. By that I meant collecting white hair red eyes characters lol. Now we have Team Lupical with Razor, Kazuha, Itto, and Cyno. They are my children 🤍❤️

I wanted him since I first watched the Teyvat Trailer, and I absolutely lost it when his VA was revealed to be Alejandro Saab (Yuri) rjakosoapaakka. 

Though if I had to order my fave FE:TH boys it's probably

Dimitri, or course

Ferdinand Von Aegir (precious constantly self-improving king)

Claude (DJ Khali–. I'm not usually into scheme-y characters but his personality takes the cake. Also, i like to imagine we're the same ethnicity even though that's not true at all.)

Sylvain (his threats actually convinced me to marry him lol)

Felix (tsundere in thigh highs.)

Pretty obvious which route I played first huh? Lmao.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s6e16 ...and then there were none (w. brett matthews)

again thinking gosh she looks like victoria pedretti (well maybe not with this slightly manic look but, i think it's the lips/teeth). and this dude like knockoff bryan cranston.

victoria pedretti (also an excuse to look at that lovely face) & eve

i like how they (the Show) dodge talking about jesus

not-bryan-cranston & bryan cranston

LOL bobby in the field! what is happening

bobby looks so much better with his natural hairline instead of whatever they do to him sometimes. i thought it was a hair piece but i'm wondering now if it's just like, filler/makeup

back with his rufus, "just like old times"

cute how they can gang up on bobby with rufus to tease him

i really didn't think dean would actually kill him next time he saw grandpa skinner. also it's a little xfiles reunion! mr x and skinner. totally don't remember why dean's mad at grandpa, another reason i take forever to watch one episode. oh right, sold them out to crowley/almost got them killed

DEAN I said I'd kill him!

SAM Look, just a second.

RUFUS I take it you know each other.

DEAN He's our grandfather.

RUFUS Oh. Somebody needs a hug.

i mean, perpetually, they all do. also, did you SEE that awkward ass hug bobby gave sam after he got his soul back?

s6e12: merging into one person hug / *pat pat*

BOBBY So...you're Samuel.

SAMUEL You must be the guy pretending to be their father.

BOBBY Well, somebody ought to.

SAM We're gonna find him alive, Samuel, or I'm gonna put a bullet into your head.

🥰

*insert leverage-style cheesy heist music*

DEAN It's like a Khan worm on steroids.

that wrath of khan ear bug worm thing FREAKED ME OUT as a kid

DEAN Worm crawls in you, worm crawls out.

RUFUS Monster possession? That's novel.

i like all the sassy one liners they're giving rufus

RUFUS Second date. Oh, yeah, we're goo positive.

DEAN What does that mean? What does that mean?

dean glaring at grandpa, made me laugh

i am confused to how exactly there was time to set up these traps in this... factory or whatever they're in

SAM I mean, I just can't help but think... what would Mom say?

really? that's what you think, sam?

LOL so i thought maybe they were gonna force sam to deal with the moral dilemma of killing grandpa when not actively ear wormed but i guess not. just a brief contemplation before whew worm actually still intact

do they not have a taser or stun gun they could use instead of an exposed wire? -_- oh no. not rufus! :( this is like ellen and jo all over again, should have seen it coming a mile away

SAM Why do you keep talking about herpes?

DEAN What? I don't. Shut up. Shut up.

i have no idea

i know they gotta have new big bads but this eve thing with the monsters taking over, didn't we just do this with demons 🥴

DEAN I mean at the end of the day, you two are family. Life's short, and ours are shorter than most. We're gonna spend it wringing our hands? Something's gonna get us eventually, and when my guts get ripped out, just so you two know, we're good. Blanket apology for all the crap that anybody's done all the way around.

SAM Some of us pulled a lot of crap, Dean.

DEAN Well, clean slate.

SAM Okay.

sometimes feel weird how often they position sam as the one that always fucks up and needs absolution. but also this is about sam forgiving himself, right

so much for the xfiles reunion,

[zigmenthotep]

Okay, so I realize I'm a couple years late to this, but I am still like, legitimately upset about the Supernatural finale. Like to the point that it has negatively affected my overall feelings about the show.

Anyway, since this is Tumblr, and I can, here's a long rant about that particular topic.

Supernatural finale spoilers to follow, obviously.

So, epilogues are bad, anyone with a high school reading level can tell you that, but that wasn't just an epilogue, it was a bad epilogue. It reads like a bad fanfic.

"After Dean is killed in a routine vamp hunt, Sam struggles to move on and find where he fits in the world on his own. Meanwhile, Dean reconnects with lost loved ones in Heaven."

But without actually including any of the interesting parts... other than sad Dean dying scene I guess.

We see Dean in Heaven, being told that Mary, John, Castiel, and even Rufus are all there... but we don't see any of them. So basically, Castiel's whole emotional ending, just didn't matter. And it's not even worth discussing beyond an off-handed reference.

As for Sam... well, as I said, epilogues are bad. They're a lazy device, the only purpose of which seems to be the author wanting to have the ultimate say in how the story ends forever, to preclude all of the possible scenarios that could occur after the reasonable conclusion.

Now if you don't have a high school reading level you might be thinking, "Um, duh, epilogues are good because they tie up all the loose ends so you don't have to do painful thinking about it." And okay, let's say that this was supposed to tie up all the lose ends and answer all the lingering questions. Which it did not.

Did the Apocalypse World refugees get brought back with everyone else?

How about people who had previously been brought back to life?

Were the other worlds restored?

How exactly did they find that random-ass dog again?

And here's the big one: Did Sam continue hunting? Because they went from seeming like he was going to carry on, right to him having a normal life with a son. So what happened there? Honestly, it's a little impressive that they were able to summarize someone's entire life without giving any meaningful details about it. Just "And then Sam had a child with someone, got old, and died."

So that's it, everything's been laid out. No more adventures, no more Winchester shenanigans, it just ends. And that's supposed to somehow be better than leaving us with the infinite possibilities of what could have happened.

And yes, I know, COVID, but if the network actually gave a fuck they still could have made something work better than this.

[kimmimaru]

Its done. I finished it. Well, mostly. Still have some shit to do but I can do that on a replay. Anyways, here's my thoughts:

I cannot express how glad I am that Aerith died, even if it was a bit weird .

I love Sephiroth but for fucks sake that final battle bored me senseless it was so long. Once again the ending 'ruined' it kind of.

Rufus losing his cool was kind of sexy of him lol. Seriously that is going into fanfic from now on, the man does have a temper. And yes, I am pleased I guessed that the Viceroy was Rufus and that the war was a distraction.

Thoughts on Vince: Mmmmmmm. Also, he played a kind of watcher type role and although I would have loved to have him on the team I can understand why. 1. He's very powerful and may have made the game too easy. 2. He IS a weapon. One of the very last planetary weapons. Even if he is also human, its fitting he's watching and waiting to see if Cloud and the others will win or lose, if they lose then I guess the planet could just end it on its own terms.

Zack finally 'met' with Cloud. I have mixed feelings about that lol.

I will probably have more thoughts but for now this will do. Oh! I forgot: Did I don't know if I'm reading it correctly but when Tseng told Reno to (basically) 'get his priorities straight' was he implying that he gave Reno time off because he was actually having second thoughts about his job after Sector 7??? Because that's what it sounded like to me. What other priorities could he have meant? (I mean, Tseng's being a hyppocrite about that if its true because I am convinced he's all torn up over Aerith and his duty to Shinra too).

That hug. You know the one I mean. THE hug. Oh. My. God.

[countenanceblog]

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Maggie Campbell awoke with a slight headache. There was a familiar arm draped across her breasts, and she could feel she was naked beneath the green sheets. The analogue alarm clock was blaring at the six o'clock mark.

"Hey, Gronk," she said. Rufus groaned. He rolled off her, to the extent that he could in the small bed, and put his hand over his face. He gave her a silly look.

"Hey, Gronkette. How long did we sleep for?"

"An hour, probably. Hour and a half. I've got to go to school, can you drive me?" Rufus shook his head.

"No can do," he said regretfully. "My license is messed up. They got me driving on drugs. I'm sorry, though."

Maggie poked his ribs. "It's fine, loser."

"Hey man, that gives me flashbacks. You know how much of a dweeb I was in middle school? It was crazy."

Maggie nodded. "Uhuh. That tracks. What's really crazy is how hungry I am, I haven't eaten in twenty-four hours. Can you, like – "

"Yeah, just don't go out the window this time," pleaded Rufus half-heartedly. "I went looking for you without any socks on. Got all kinds of shit stuck to my feet."

Campbell blushed. "Sorry . . . "

Rufus quickly pecked her on the lips. "It's fine. I'll be right back. I just have one question, beforehand."

Maggie looked worried. "What?"

"Did any of that shit from yesterday happen?," Rufus asked her. He ran his fingers through her voluminous black hair. Finally he placed his index on her bottom lip.

"No," she said, licking his finger lightly.

"Good," he replied. His hand fell from her mouth. "Fuck, I can't believe it. Raj is underneath Cortez, man. What the, what are we gonna do?"

Maggie shook her head gravely. "They should be here already, if you really think about it. Something's up."

"You're right," realized Rufus. He got up and put on his black jeans. Around them he slipped his skull-covered belt through the rungs. "Something is up. Corey should be back by now, too."

Maggie's pretty face twisted up. "Do you think something happened to him? Oh, what am I talking about? This is all a shit show." Rufus quickly knelt beside her.

"Please, don't cry again. I can't wake up to you crying every day." Maggie smiled wryly.

"How long did you think about those words before they came out of your mouth?," she asked him. He was already distracted, eyeing her nubile curves greedily.

"I, uh, I really like you," were the words that stumbled out of his wide mouth. "You're so . . . hot."

Maggie rolled her eyes. "Am I making you stupid or something? Are you falling in love with me?"

Rufus couldn't help but chuckle at Maggie's teasing. "Falling in love with you? Nah, I'm too cool for that," he quipped, trying to maintain his usual sarcastic demeanor. "But seriously, Maggie, you are something else. It's like you've put a spell on me or something."

Maggie smirked playfully, running her fingers through Rufus' messy black hair. "A spell, huh? Maybe I have some hidden magical powers after all."

Rufus grinned, leaning in closer to her. "Well, if you do, I hope you use them for good and not evil. Otherwise, I might have to reconsider this whole thing."

"Oh, don't worry," Maggie said with a mischievous glint in her green eyes. "I promise to only use my powers for mischief and fun when it comes to you."

Rufus laughed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a tight embrace. "I think I can live with that," he said, his voice softening slightly. "You know, Maggie, you're the only person who's ever seen through all my sarcasm and teasing. It's like you can see the real me. And man, I really really like that."

[asoulofatlantis]

I think Randy shows very much how difficult it is to switch from a life as a Jaeger, to a life as a good human with a conscience and a strong moral compass. Its been years for Randy at this point and yet, he still struggles with how his strength, the strength that gave him the name "red reaper", is sometimes seemingly useless or at least not enough when he tries to protect the people he loves and cares about. The difficulty to understand how he was once strong enough to kill people and destroy villages without any problem and yet, when he want to do good, and protect people and places instead of destroying them, this strength isn't enough. We have seen through the Trails-Saga that former Jaegers or even former Gang-Members have unlike skills to them that can benefit them in battle when they use them for good, but not being on the bad side anymore comes with the prize of not being ruthless anymore. If the only way to protect your friend is to throw someone else into the line of fire or kill someone with your very own hands - which is something most Jaegers would do - then your moral compass will stop you and you will find that strength alone isn't enough, not when you are on the good side. And I believe it is very hard to deal with that when you once have been unbeatable and no one could stand in your way. I think Randy is especially prone to feeling this... helpless and frustrated about this helplessness, because his journey as a jager ended when his own stupidity was partly to blame for losing a friend...

I have to say it again, how proud I am of how far Lloyd has become since the Crossbell-Saga and how much more I like him these days. All he has been through has changed him truly for the better and makes it so that he finally truly feels like the best leader the SSS could have. Seeing through Randys state and giving him this amazing and honest pep-talk was a wonderful example of just how much Lloyd has grown as a person, a leader and also a friend. And it was wonderful to be able to watch this growth happen over time.

They are amazing! Why do they not have an S-Rank yet? They surely have the skill, the power and the experience to freaking deserve it!

Seems like Estelle has turned the tables on Randys favorite joke XD

And since we are both idiots why don't we promote you from "former Colleague" to "my wife"? Sounds about right, right? XD (DAMN RIGHT!)

How the freaking heck did I fuck up the order so badly? I planned to finish Rufus route first, because that one sucks in this chapter but somehow I ended up finishing Reans and then Lloyds first and I do not know why at all ^^'

Uh... okay? Not sure why we lose access to the corridor, but whatever...

Yeah, thank you for looking after my only child, man that killed my best friend with a shot in the head from behind like a cold blooded murderer... *achem*

Are they cute or what?

I did not get much off all that unnecessary bullshit when I played this game with the spreadsheet and it seems like I am still lost here. So... I hope this conversation end a little bit quicker here, seeing how many lines from the whole game a quite different from the ones from the Spreadsheet...

The kind heart of a murderer.... geez Falcom. I get you want to show us that EVERYONE deserves a second chance and that not everyone who does bad things is bad or stays bad forever and blah, blah, blah... but this is just ridiculous. Guy was an innocent man, a good police officer, the only family member Lloyd had in Crossbell and he was about to get married to the love of his life too. And Ian killed him. And not even in a fair fight. He shot him in the head from behind, without warning. That is even worse than what Rufus did with Lianne. How can you straight out let anyone say that he is a kind hearted men?

But he totally pretended not to be XD It was all "They are fine" and "They are capable" and "I know they are alright" but this was merely him trying to convince himself at the end of the day. Our Rean Bean is still a worrywart, he just hides it way better than in the past XD

Yes, lets do that before your pretty little Girlfriend here gets a panic attack...

[goldenworldsabound]

I'd love to hear about your ships and SIs as well! Could you tell me about them? (also to see if they an be friends!)

HELLO I AM 500 YEARS LATE!

Okay so Rufus is my primary ff7 f/o so I'll talk about Aura Golden first!!! Under the cut

Aura Golden is a scientist at Shinra. They aren't exactly happy but they aren't miserable either. Working under Scarlet, they have a massive breakthrough in the production of All-Materia! Naturally, Scarlet scoops up all the credit and Aura gets just about nothing, not even a promotion. It sucks.

They eventually very meekly confront Scarlet about it and she yells at them. Shock. Surprise.

Importantly, this is taking place during Before Crisis, while Rufus is under house arrest in the Turks HQ. He happens to find about them and is somewhat smitten at first sight and after hearing about all their achievements. He's using that VP access to dig and learn EVERYTHING about them even if he refuses to admit he's got feelings. He has a monitor with a security camera focused on them up literally all the time. He harasses people who upset them (this can range from preventing doors from opening for them to fucking with their paycheck). And when Scarlet tries to take revenge for Aura confronting her, Rufus gets them transferred to a safer and less noteworthy department, vowing to himself to get them the recognition they deserve.

So when he becomes President, he promptly calls them to his office to personally promote them, and then asks them on a date KJFLEWJHFEW abuse of power who-

He continues at this point to be like, "they're just really trustworthy and smart and would make a good ally for me when I start rebuilding the Directors, I'm just dating them because that's the role I chose for them, I don't have feelings"

no he has feelings bro. And then well you know the plot of ff7 shit starts to hit the fan. Hojo goes missing. He promotes Aura to Director of R&D instead. We grow closer and go on dates and fall head over heels.

And then...Meteorfall. The geostigma. And through it all, Aura stays with him. He worries briefly they'll abandon him now that his status is gone. He's nothing but himself now. But they don't. Of course they don't. In fact since he gets fucking KIDNAPPED between ff7 and AC, they actually go extremely feral and are willing to kill for him. They definitely were not willing to kill before.

That's the cliff notes fkjdshafs I have fic up through the kidnapping and plans to write...through AC I guess? But like the thing that isn't in the summary is like. Rufus finally being able to be vulnerable and open up to someone and just 🥺♥️I am there for him.

♥️♥️♥️

Then we get to Reno and Crystalline!

Crystalline works for Reeve. Technically a software developer, they kind of end up wearing several hats working with him on getting projects to actually benefit Midgar's populace approved. They have taken the approach of like...improving Shinra from the inside. It's not going super great but they're making small improvements! At least what they do has a positive impact.

Crystalline and Reno grew up as childhood friends, until Crystalline's parents were able to move to the plate. They never saw each other again...until one fateful day they passed each other in Shinra's halls.

Oh- bad handwriting, but that calls out, "necklace under shirt line". Crystalline wears a necklace Reno gave them as a kid...it's a materia, but they didn't know that at the time.

So they start hanging out! And Reno finds he's weirdly choked up around them. it doesn't help that they know he flirts with everyone, so they don't take his flirting seriously, and he just can't seem to make himself say it outright. So it takes a bit for them to get together!!!

But then they're adorable.

This takes place mostly before Before Crisis. As such, Reno is so excited to introduce Crystalline to everyone, Verdot included! Like getting approval from dad a little bit.

After main plot and AC they end up involved with the WRO while Reno's still under Rufus - but I guess they end up mostly moving in to Healen and commuting or something idk- fkjdahfkjdsa it's not like they're on the front lines anyway, that definitely isn't them.

So there you have it fkjdsahkjfdsa I HAVE FEELINGS

[isabellafoster13]

WARNING: NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE!

Chapter Forty-One: Equuleus

Freed looked at the berries that Lucy had crouched in front of to examine. He glanced back at Rufus and Midnight, who were both still packing up the group's campsite for Virgo to take back to the Spirit World. He turned back to the berries. The shrub wasn't small, but not large either. The leaves were a striking, dark green color and the flowers were a lovely purple color, bell-shaped in a way that reminded him of those bell-shaped flowers that Evergreen had taken to growing in her Fairy Hill's residence. The berries were round and shiny, with a purplish-black color to them. 

He looked over at Lucy and asked, "do you know what these are?" 

Lucy gave him a teasing smile. "The all-knowing Freed doesn't know instantly know what berries these are?" She then gave him a light jab to the side. 

Freed chuckled, feeling his cheeks heat up a little and a fluttering feeling beginning to fill his gut. He then responded, "I'm afraid my knowledge of the many species of berries is quite limited." 

Lucy gave a light laugh. Freed smiled at the sound. When was the last time he heard a genuine laugh pass through her lovely lips? He had forgotten how much he loved the sound and he felt a growing urge to make her laugh more. Or, to at least make her forget their mission and the heavy weight that was placed upon her shoulders, if only for a few peaceful moments. 

Lucy's sweet voice brought him out of his thoughts, "they're called Atropa Belladonna, also known as Deadly Nightshade. There are several highly toxic and potent psychoactive tropane alkaloids in the belladonna berries. All parts of the plant are poisonous. Symptoms of poisoning include rapid heartbeat, dilated pupils, delirium, vomiting, hallucinations, and death due to respiratory failure. Even handling the plants can cause absorption through the skin and cause severe dermatitis. Belladonna has many uses, both medicinal and in warfare. For example, they can be used to poison an enemy army's food reserve. Atropine, which is found in belladonna, is used to dilate pupils for eye exams and surgery. It's also used as an antidote for opium and chloroform poisoning, and as pain relief from sciatica, gout, and cardiac palpitations." 

Freed raised an eyebrow at her. "How do you know all of that?" He would be worried about her knowledge of the poisonous berries if he didn't know better. 

Lucy smiled at him. "Before I ran away from home, I would read the books in my Dad's massive library. At some point, I went through a phase in which I was weirdly obsessed with learning about all sorts of poisonous plants. I don't know why." 

"You probably worried most of the staff." 

Lucy almost barked out a laugh at that. "Yeah! Yeah, I probably did!" 

Freed listened as she laughed a bit more. His smile grew and his cheeks warmed as the fluttering feeling in his gut became more prominent and his heartbeat became just a little bit faster. He watched as Lucy continued to observe the berries. As the morning sun shined down upon them, he couldn't help but notice how her blonde hair glowed an almost golden color in the sunlight. The slightly chilly breeze rustled her hair just a little. Her brown eyes sparkled in the sunlight, a sight he hadn't seen in a while. Not since all of this started. He hated to think about it, how the ever-present sparkle in Lucy's eyes was put out by this crushing mission. 

His eyes rested on her lips. They were plump and had a bit of a pink tint to them. Before this mission, he's had an almost constant temptation to press his lips against hers, to find out what her lips feel like. Now, he was tempted again, for the first time in weeks, to find out what it feels like to kiss her. Of course, he doesn't give in to temptation. That would be very rude and improper. Now also wasn't anywhere near the right time to even try to tell her of his feelings for her. It would be better to wait for the success of this mission. 

Instead, he looked back at the berries and asked, "Erik is a Poison Dragon Slayer, correct? Would he be able to eat these? In a similar manner to Natsu and the other dragon sayers eating their respective elements?" 

Lucy gave a short hum. "Probably. I would assume so, but I've never thought to ask him." 

"He can." 

Freed and Lucy turned around to find Midnight standing behind them, no particular mention showing on his face. Lucy asked, "what was that, Midnight?" 

Midnight repeated, "he can." After a short pause, he clarified, "Erik can gain power by eating poisonous plants, like how the Salamander can do the same by eating fire, or Makarov's grandson-"

"Lasxu." Freed interrupted. He never did like when people referred to Laxus as simply "Makarov's grandson." He may not be obsessed like he used to be, but Laxus was still his best friend. 

Midnight continued, "right. Laxus can by eating lightning. I've seen Erik eat a whole bush of belladonna berries before taking out a bunch of enemies." 

Rufus then spoke up from where he stood by the packed-up camping supplies, "we should probably get a move on." 

Freed stood up with Lucy as the celestial wizard responded, "yeah, we probably should." 

After Lucy summoned Virgo and sent their camping equipment with her, the small group began walking further into the forest. Lucy took up the front, while Freed walked slightly behind to the side, and Rufus and Midnight walked on the opposite side of her. 

As they walked, Midnight asked, "where did that scroll of yours say the key was?" 

Lucy promptly answered, her eyes not moving from where they stared ahead of herself, "Arnoss Peak. It's a cliff on the outside of this forest. We're not too far. Getting there shouldn't take us long." 

Rufus glanced over at her. "A cliff? That sounds rather dangerous?" 

"Where would it even be on the cliff?" Midnight muttered, probably partly to himself and partly to the rest of the group. 

Lucy shrugged. "We'll find out when we get there." 

Silence then descended upon the group. Freed placed a hand on the hilt of his rapier, readying himself for an attack. Since getting Rufus back, he couldn't shake an ever-present feeling that something was going to happen. Normally, he would call himself paranoid. Now, however, he simply called it being rational. They've been attacked by their enemy too many times for him to even consider that they were 100% safe. And, looking at the other three mages with him, he knew that they were thinking the same thing, judging by their tense body language and observant eyes. 

True to Lucy's word, they arrived at the end of the forest rather quickly. They stepped out into the open to find a cliff. The top of the cliff was covered in green grass and jutting out over the side was a large, lopsided tree, its branches reaching out. 

Freed observed the area quietly, momentarily taken by the beautiful view. He absentmindedly spoke, "this would be a lovely place for a picnic." 

Midnight chuckled. "Yeah. I'm sure any woman would want a picnic date here." 

Freed responded, "I know a few who wouldn't." 

Midnight looked at him. "Really?" 

Freed nodded. "Evergreen wouldn't like a picnic date here very much. She would be too hesitant about the edge. Kind of strange when you can consider that her magic allows her to fly." 

Midnight only chuckled at that. Their attention was dragged away from their short conversation when Rufus spoke, his voice cautious, "Lucy? What are you doing?" 

Freed and Midnight looked over at Rufus, seeing that he was staring at something with wide eyes, and his body was tense, as if he was ready to fight at any second. The two other men looked to where the blonde was staring. 

"Lucy! Stop!" Freed called out, raising his hand as though he would be able to grab her from where he stood. 

Lucy stopped in her tracks and turned around, smiling at the men calmly as she spoke, her tone just as calm as her smile, "it's okay." She then turned around and continue walking toward the tree. 

Freed took a step toward her. "What are you doing?" Worry swirled within him and he wanted to grab Lucy, to pull her away from the edge that she was approaching, to hold her in his arms and never release her. 

Lucy answered, "there's a key on that branch." 

Freed looked at the tree, narrowing his eyes at it. It didn't take more than a minute for him to spot the glittering of the silver key in the sunlight. It was hanging off of the end of one of the branches, dangerously far from the edge. 

Midnight called from where he stood next to Freed, "someone else should get the key. Do any of your spirits have the ability to fly?" 

Freed nodded his agreement. "I can create wings for myself. I can get the key. Lucy, you shouldn't get so close to the edge!" 

Much to the men's horror, however, Lucy ignored them. Just as she climbed up the tree and made her way onto the branch, Freed ran forward. He looked up at Lucy, his eyes wide and panic in his voice, "Lucy! You probably shouldn't be doing that!" 

Lucy only answered with a simple, "I'll be fine. Trust me." 

Rufus stepped up beside Freed. "Lucy, you should come down from there. You'll fall." He was clearly just as worried and fearful as Freed. 

Midnight was more forceful as he stood on the other side of the tree. "Lucy! Get back down here now! Don't make any of us force you down ourselves!" His brow was furrowed, making him look angry. His voice was stern, reminding Freed of that time Master Makarov scolded Laxus for some dangerous and stupid stunt while in his teenage years. 

Freed looked back up at Lucy as she responded, "go ahead and try." 

She sounded confident. Freed couldn't ignore the worry and fear that enveloped him. His heartbeat picked up its speed and he felt almost sick to his stomach. However, he also knew that he had witnessed Lucy doing more dangerous things. Not to mention the dangerous things that he hasn't seen. 

When Midnight made a move to climb after the woman, Freed's hand shot out and grabbed his arm tightly, keeping him on the ground. Freed looked over at him, finding that the other man was giving him a looked that was a strange mixture of confusion and threatening. Freed simply said, "if she can take on demons, then she can get that key." 

Midnight opened his mouth, most likely to argue, but was stopped by Rufus, "let's just wait. She might be able to get it." 

The three of them ended up watching with bated breath as Lucy climbed toward the silver key. Freed kept his eyes locked onto the space between her hand and the key, watching as she struggled to reach it before inching a little bit closer to try again. The branch bent underneath her weight, causing his stomach to twist and turn and his heartbeat to become faster with fear. He tightened his grip on Midnight's arm, nails digging in. He might have drawn blood, or at least left fingernail marks, if the other man wasn't wearing a coat. 

All too soon, the branch bent too far, and a cracking sound was heard. Rufus was the first to yell, "Lucy! Get down!" 

Freed released Midnight and leaned further over the edge of the cliff, keeping his hand on the trunk of the tree. "We can get the key in a safer manner! Get back down here before the branch breaks!" 

When their calls were ignored, Midnight muttered what were probably curse words under his breath and began climbing the tree. Freed looked at him, saying, "I don't think that's a good idea." 

"Why?" Midnight barked at him. 

Freed didn't even flinch at the harsh tone. "Because, if your body weight will only add to hers and make the branch break faster. You could also make her fall in your haste to grab her." 

Before Midnight could say anything in response, the sound of the branch continuing the break was heard. Freed looked up at the breaking point of the branch and placed his hand on the hilt of his rapier. "Lucy, get down! Right now!" He demanded one last time. When Lucy didn't obey, and instead continued to reach for the key, Freed unsheathed his rapier and raised it to write an enchantment that would catch Lucy in her fall. 

Just as he began writing, the branch snapped and Lucy screamed as she plunged to the rocky ground below. 

Rufus yelled her name before backing away from the edge, his eyes wide and hands covering his mouth. Midnight stared wide-eyed at where the branch was. 

Freed could only watch the two men's reactions, his eyes going from one to the other before settling on his feet, his arm still raised and his rapier still held tightly in his hand. His stomach had dropped and his heart has hammering against his chest. His mouth was slightly agape and his wide eyes were unblinking. 

His mind raced with questions. What were they going to do now? How were they going to tell Fairy Tail? What were they going to tell Fairy Tail? What did this mean for the celestial spirits and their world? The questions and other thoughts filled Freed's mind until his head began to ache. He dropped his rapier and placed a hand on his forehead. He took a few steps back, willing his brain to think properly, while also knowing that it wouldn't be able to. 

"Lucy..." He mumbled, tears burning his eyes. He never got to tell her how he felt. He never got to hold her hand or finally kiss her. He never got to see the look on Lucy's face when she completed her mission. He never got to see Lucy recover and move on from what she had been put through. 

"Lucy..." He mumbled again, a bit louder this time. His shaking legs gave way underneath him and he fell to his knees. Tears slipped down his cheeks as he became unaware of what was happening around him. 

Then, like a popular character returning to a battle after a fake-out death, someone spoke from below the edge of the cliff, "'please tell me you three aren't thinking that I'm dead', she says in exasperation." 

Freed startles before blinking a few times. Did...did he hear that? Did he actually hear someone? He looked at Rufus. The blonde man was staring back at him in a mixture of surprise and confusion. Freed then looked at Midnight, who was staring down at the mystery person with wide eyes, a grin spreading across his face. 

Freed, alongside Rufus, scrambled to the edge and looked over. They found a living, grandfather clock standing on a ledge several feet below them. Inside the glass case was Lucy, who was smiling and waving her new key for them to see. 

Freed heaved a sigh of relief as that same feeling washed over him like a large wave. He called down to Lucy, "are you alright?" 

Lucy spoke, but her voice was silent. Instead of hearing her, they heard the voice of the living clock speak in her stead, "'I'm fine', she says calmly. 'This is Horologium, one of my spirits. He can summon himself when he senses that someone near me, or myself, is in serious danger and protect them', she explains." 

Rufus kneeled beside Freed. "Do you want us to come down to you, or can you come up here yourself?" 

"'I can use Pegasus to get up there', she responds." 

Freed and Rufus both nodded and stepped away from the edge of the cliff. Within minutes, Lucy was standing in front of her three friends, having used Pegasus to fly back up to them, and then dismissed the celestial spirit. 

Freed walked over to Lucy and scolded, "that was very dangerous, Lucy! You could have died!" 

Lucy smiled at him, as if she had not a care in the world. "I appreciate that you guys were worried, but there wasn't a need to be. I've faced literal demons, a dragon, and multiple powerful dark guilds. Do you really think that a simple fall would kill me?" 

Freed looked down at the ground, his brow furrowed. She was right. He knew that she had been through more life-threatening situations. After all, he had said as much just a few minutes ago. But, he couldn't help but be worried for her, nor could he be just a little upset that she ignored their protests to her continuing to get the key when there were other options. He sighed, "just...don't risk your life when there are other alternatives, okay?" 

Lucy gave him a comforting smile. "Okay. I'm sorry for scaring all three of you so badly." 

The pair then turned to Rufus and Midnight when the former asked, "what key did you get?" 

Freed looked back at Lucy, watching as she held up the new silver key for them to see. The blade was typical for a regular key, while the bow was circular and had the shape of a white, miniature pony. 

Lucy announced, "it's the key of the Little Horse, Equuleus!" 

Midnight questioned, "where are we going next?" 

Lucy lowered her arm and answered, "I'll need to look at the scroll. Let's get out of the open so I can make my new contract. After that, we can go looking for the next key." 

She then walked back into the forest, Freed, Rufus, and Midnight following behind her. 

[transporttoanotherplace]

Goodbye December and the year 2022. What a wonderful year for me book-wise. I am going to enjoy writing my post for my upcoming book goals for the year. But for now let's focus on wrapping up December.

My book goal: 7 books and I went overboard and read 18 books.

These three were in my goal list but I only finished 2. The First to Die at the end is a 4-star ⭐⭐⭐⭐ read. Almost as good as "They Both Die at the End" (thank you Adam Silvera for those references to the future and for realizing how the books tie in together) but the love story to me isn't as captivating as it was between Rufus and Mateo. There is so much that you can do with a word where deathcast exists and I enjoyed being able to explore that more in-depth and all the questions it raised for the medical community in particular. Us as an audience knowing that Deathcast is real and having the knowledge of how it works makes it so difficult to read this as society experiences Deathcast for the first time.

Objectively, Dead Silence is a 3.5 to 4-star read but personally, for me I have it as one of my favorites for the year. I loved the characters and I was so intrigued by the mystery and atmosphere of the book. It haunted me for days and I wanted so badly to watch a movie similar to the book. The issues for the book lie in the buildup and structure. We get to the plot really fast and the creepiness immediately sets and I needed that build-up to care for these characters. The book transitions from past to present and I understand why but I actually think it would have made more sense to follow a more linear path to allow for that character development. I know the time transitions were supposed to build up the mystery but the problem is we're supposed to believe in the red herring the author presents us but it doesn't work because I don't actually believe the character is capable of doing what they were accused of. Also, the deaths of characters weren't very emotional for me because of the lack of build-up. The reveal at the end of the mystery was perfect though and hinted at while not being obvious.

I could not get through Night of the Living Rez as hard as I pushed myself. I hadn't realized it was a collection of short stories and I tend to really struggle with enjoying short stories because I am very character driven and tend to dislike being pulled out of the story and being asked to care for some new characters when I am still focused on another. DNF.

So imagine my surprise at how much I liked this one. I gave it a 3.5 star rating out of 5 because there are some stories that aren't as strong but this book packs an emotional punch and I left several of the stories with the thought "what just happened?!?!?" I felt the theme of grief, the crumbling of one's internal self, reflecting on mistakes, and the overwhelming anxiousness of your life falling apart so deeply in many of these stories. I was happy to only have to go through a snippet because you realize that leaving the characters that their story isn't changing. They are stuck in this perpetual cycle of loss and instability and this snipped into their life is all you need. There's one story in here particularly that is a 5-star read. But there are a good few that I would have left out which sadly lowers the rating.

Lessons in Chemistry ⭐⭐⭐⭐4.25. One of the funniest books I have read this year. Unique protagonist and inspirational.

Chasing the Boogeyman ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4.0 I cannot believe this wasn't a true-crime book. It felt so real and if it weren't for the last chapter with the author's self-insertion that was clearly dramatized I would have bought it completely. Really captures the effect a serial killer can have on a small community.

Wrong Place Wrong Time ⭐⭐⭐⭐ 4.0 Wonderful mystery and thriller but best of all I think this book captures the power of motherhood and having more trust in ourselves.

I'll Be Gone in the Dark ⭐⭐⭐⭐4.5. I am rating this for its genre because this book is certainly not more enjoyable than Lessons in Chemistry to me but for its genre it deserves a high rating. Well executed, doesn't glorify the killer and instead focuses more on the investigative hard work and people impacted by the Golden State Killer. It's a shame Michelle died before she could complete it herself personally or see the outcome of her work.

Roses in the Mouth of a Lion ⭐⭐⭐⭐4.25. Emotionally devastating and while I cannot speak to the accuracy of growing up Muslim in Corona, New York I can speak to how beautiful this book is. Very lyrical and beautiful descriptions. I go to Corona regularly and I could perfectly envision the train station and 7 train. As a child of immigrants myself Bushra perfectly captures the friction of growing up in the USA and exploring new ideologies and facets of identity (sexuality) that aren't discussed in conservative cultures and how it clashes with our parent's upbringing. I encourage people to pick this up and enjoy. Warning for homophobia. I do wish more had been done with the ending. I really feel like this book needed an epilogue. I know likely the answer would have still been awful but I would have accepted it.