#i dont even know if i understand myself i just had this random thought and i've been trying to write this for hours

[sleepless-crows]

the way greed is a big theme in the grisha trilogy. we even have the quote "what is infinite? the universe and the greed of men." and how with the crows, as much as we joke about them doing it for the money, they aren't greedy. kaz goes on the ice court heist to seek revenge. inej goes on it for her freedom and those of others. matthias and nina were bound by honor for the most part. jesper may have needed the money but he isn't greedy for it. and same goes with wylan. but we can see how much greed indirectly influenced them to be in those positions.

as much as inej said that greed was kaz's god. it really isn't. he works for justice, for revenge. against whom? pekka rollins. the one who shows greed more than kaz ever will. pekka duped two young boys and countless many others out of their money, and some out of their lives. he did all the dirty work for the money. and kaz dedicated his life to avenging jordie and later making sure people like pekka don't do it to anyone else. and he goes on the heist for the money, not because of his greed, but to seek vengeance for what greed has done to this world.

the villain in inej's story is tante heleen. through inej, we see how people like tante heleen care about money more than anything else. she makes sure the girls in the menagerie never earn out of their indentures. she physically abuses the girls and then tells them she has to take from the money that they earn whenever there's blood on their bedsheets. and the second that kaz bought out inej to work under per haskell, tante heleen didn't even care and let inej go because she was given a sum. and she even taunts inej that she'll have her back because she knows she can earn from her. she's incredibly vain and greedy and i'm glad inej stole her diamond necklace in the ice court.

jesper's encounter with greed is probably the most common in ketterdam. people in ketterdam feed off of greed and all the dirty desires of the people. jesper's fallen into a lot of debt because of the casinos scattered all throughout ketterdam. and gambling houses are such a dirty means of profit but that's what ketterdam thrives off.

wylan, on the other hand, was disowned by van eck because of his dyslexia, because van eck didn't believe that wylan could properly carry on his legacy if he couldn't read. van eck goes to such severe means to build his empire, to earn as much as he can, as it is the religion of ketterdam. van eck ordered two people to kill wylan and drive him out to keep his reputation clean because if the merchant council only knew his dishonest ways, he would be kicked out and lose everything. he manipulates kaz into thinking he wants to save the world when he would gladly bring it to chaos if it meant he would have the power and the control. and his greedy and selfish ways are how he falls. and wylan helps bring him down.

nina and matthias are the most noble of them all. they went on the heist for both their people to be saved from the dangers parem could cause. but we can trace their place in the crows back to when they met. he was a druskelle and she was a grisha. a generations long prejudice, a war they've always had to face, because of the incredibly warped mindset of the fjerdans. as matthias says, what must it feel like to worship djel, knowing that he gave gifts to another? grisha power could be djel's hand and maybe the otkazat'sya were jealous and couldn't wrap it around their heads. and so with that came greed for control, greed for their god's favor to the point that they've missed what djel truly stood for. trying to justify all inherently evil actions they had to take when it all stemmed from envy and greed.

the greed of men is infinite, ancient, and common. i just find it intriguing how the crows are always described as criminals who will do whatever it takes for the right price but they are the farthest from greedy. they were shaped by greed, not their greed, but the greed that inhabits this world. and throughout the duology, we see how they all work against it in the end.

[megumi-fm]

.

[mrsspringerslover]

"YOU LIKE MY VOICE? IT TURN YOU ON"

Aran x hyper!reader

Warning: sex (obviously), bathroom sex, rough, spanking(light), slight!bratty!reader, not short reader(tall queens out here), not really a plot, (semi)public. Black!reader

Synopsis: teasing aran in a custom made jersey costume and he pulls you in the bathroom

Halloween was the best time of year for all these cute couples costumes, and it's an excuse to wear something provocative without getting judge. Which brings us to now, you've been planning this for two months now. Aran was doing so well with his basketball career that you thought about making something special for him.

"Hey bae so- uh there's this party coming up for halloween, can we pleasepleaseplease go?!" You really hoped he says yes because there hasn't been anything to do lately, "i don't know ma. I don't wanna go, but you can." You were about to cheer until you realized what he said. " 'Dont wanna go by myself pa i want you to go with me!" Aran was so laid back and hated being around anybody but his friends and family so when he says no he means it. "What i say mama? No stop asking." "Please ill do anything you want!! His eyebrows went up at that,

"Anything?"

When he agreed to go with you he didn't expect you to pick his costume either, although he didn't care. "Aran i got your costume!" When he turned around he didn't expect it to be his basketball jersey and shorts, "mama what the hell is this, and how you even get that it was in my locker." " This is your costume!" He didn't think you were serious. "Just wear it bae, you gon understand once you see mine," you whine and jumped around. He narrowed his eyes at you, "stop allat whining, y'know i hate that shit."

You walked in the closet when he went on his phone, and quickly changed into your costume. "Look aran look look!!" He looked up and his eyes got wider he had a smug grin on his face too, "you love daddy so much you got my name on your back huh?" He loved it, he loved you! " Yes daddy now get dressed so we can go!"

You arrived at the party and saw all your friends and you ran off with sasha, "wassup girl how are you damn bitch you look fine asf," you went to the kitchen and grabbed a red cup with liquor, "girl i got this custom made you like it?" " Hell yeah i need to do that with connie shiiii!" You were chatting with sasha and mikasa till all of a sudden you see a girl walk up to yo man all smiles and shit, "girl we finna go smoke you tryna- why you doing that face girl?" Mikasa said and that was till she followed your eyes and saw this girl talking to aran aka your boo.

What the fuck? Did she not see you two walk in together? She must be crazy.

"Girls hold up ill be right back this bitch got me fucked up." The girl were looking like damn she bout to get beat up. "Excuse me your in my way," the random girl looked back and looked you up and down, "girl can i help you?" She had the audacity to turn her lip up at you," yes actually like i said your in my way bitch." And when she didn't budge you shoved her out of the way and sat on aran's lap.

You saw her stumble in her heels you were satisfied. "Ma why you push her and on top of allat you cussing now? Uh un lets go," he abruptly stood up and grabbed you by the arm and took you to the bathroom. Once you got in the bathroom you could hear muffled music, "you cussing now?" "sorry pa didn't mean to i swear-" "aht i dont wanna hear nun of it strip and bend over," you hurried and did what he said so the situation didn't get worse. " You know the drill, don't you?" You were scared for your life, "n-no running, no pushing, and d-dont cum without permission."

"Mmph! M'sorry papa didn't mean to say it!" He smacked your ass cause now you were lying, "yes you did. You think ian hear you cussing with yall lil friends over there huh? Lie. Again." He pushed into you harder. I guess this is what you get because now this man is slutting you out, bent over his friend's sink. Please's and sorry's flew out of your mouth while he was deep in your guts, "oh my- too much too much! Daddy please can i cum!?" You heard one word that made your face drain of any color.

"No"

So you were forced to lay on the sink and take any punishment handed to you, while your knees buckled beneath you. "Mmm feels good ma?" He was taunting you now and you could hear it in his snarky voice, "too much- slow down please i said sorry daddy!" He heard you whimpering while your legs started to shake, he was about to say slow down and let you cum until you put your small weak hands on his lower stomach, "put your fucking hands down, what i say huh?" "Running or pushing but-" "nope this what happens when you dont listen pretty girl." "So so sorry daddy pleasepleaseplease gotta cum" now after countless minutes of begging after 45 minutes he finally gave in after seeing your tears stream down you pretty face, "go ahead pretty" you both came together and when he pulled out you fell to your knees with an exaggerated sigh from exhaustion.

Aran whipped you down and put your clothes back on and carried you out the bathroom and to the car, "you okay baby?" After fucking you up he had the audacity to ask if you were okay good. "Yess can we go home? 'm tired." He looked over and smirked, "yeah lets go home pretty"

AHH SO DOWN BAD FOR THIS MAN RIGHT HERE BABY

This for you mama @dilfl0v3rss

Also for people wondering this was one of the answers for the poll i did. tell me if you like. ony x connie x reader is next yall🌚🌚🤭🖤

[arinzu]

How about Rin x female reader x Sae?

This is so damn rare to see, I thought itoshi bro's x reader died😭

🍂Who would you choose?🍂

This might not me accurate💕

Summary :

Little did you know... football isn't the only thing the brothers fight about. If you dont wanna read the whole story go to U20 JAPAN VS BL11 MATCH or CONFESSION or just the endings!

4 alternative endings, Itoshi brother x you, fluff, Angst ofc, weird asf, random, fem! Reader, long story, manga spoilers, curses i think!

You still remember when You and Sae first met, it was in your young elementary school days... Sae was known to be a bitch and overall is the opposite of a nice person.

......

You were playing with your toys by yourself, until you spotted a lone boy playing alone with a ball.

As you start paying more attention to him, your mother notices and smiles softly "that's Sae Itoshi"

"He's really pretty" you replied to your mom, "Can I befriend him?" You questioned.

"Are you sure? He is quite mean to people he doesn't know" She ask but after you confirm she walks away to go do her own business.

"Be careful (reader) don't get sad and try, okay?"

"I won't disappoint myself and mama!"You promised as you held your pinky finger to them, in which they agree and hold their own pinky with yours... completing the pinky promise.

You start walking towards sae, you start having second thoughts It's not your scared... You're just nervous to approach another person you don't know that well.

Oh well it's far too late since sae just noticed you approaching at a high rate.

"Uhm... Hello? My name's (last name) (reader) and I want to be your friend!" You smiled as you held out your hand expecting a handshake.

"Go away, I bet you don't even know" any football stars" sae replied stepping on the ball, you were shocked this is what a child reply to you?

"Excuse me? I do know a lot of football stars!" That took sae by surprise but still stayed firm on his word of you not knowing any players.

"Name one player, and Noel Noah doesn't count"

"Hmm it's hard..."

"Finally giving up? Just leav-" you quickly interrupted then midway.

"hey! I was talking about how hard it is to select a player out of all the amazing players out there, but anyways Chris Prince"

"Good choice? You earned my respect I suppose..."

This time he finally shake your hand, you felt a sign of relief wash over your body as you smiled at him.

"I'm Itoshi Sae, and I also apologize for my behavior earlier" he shakes your hand as he returns the smile back to you.

You noticed the ball once again, it looked rather familiar up close... Your eyes start to sparkle when you remember what type of ball it was.

"Omg it that the limited edition Football!? Signed by the one and only" you exclaimed as you start shaking the young sae, the poor boy didn't know what to do since your grip on his shoulder was to tight.

He confirmed your suspicion and you started jumping like a kangaroo from pure excitement, sae looked at you like you are a mad lady... I mean the way you're acting is uhhh....

He once again tried to ignore how you were acting, "So... How did you know the player?" He asked which made you stop what you were doing "Easy I watch football matches with my father!" You replied.

That was not what he was talking about but whatever...

You started to ramble on all of the great things you and your father did when he's in the country, in which he just listens carefully surprisingly.

After a while you had to go home you said your good bye's and left just like that.

Sae itoshi

That was a good memory to keep..

She was somewhat weird the first time we met, i suppose... her understanding of football was the one intrigue me in to her.

It compelled me to the point we started to habg out often if i wasn't busy. The more time we spent, the more of this weird sensation i have, it was like love...

I didn't understand at first but one small click in the internet had me understanding that i fell for her.

That's all you remember as you see him outside the gate waiting for you, "Itoshi Itoshi! over here" sae turns in your direction, Holding a football he starts going to you.

"You know that you can call me Sae right?" You smile softly in return to his question and start nodding.

"I know! But your fan girls might kill me" sae raised an eyebrow, he was just 12 not many people will fall in love with a 12 year old right?

"Whatever just call me Sae, (reader) we've known eachother since fourth grade"

You simply nodded as you both, "Wanna hang out at my place, sae?" Sae turned to you, he didn't know why it feels so good when you actually say his name out loud.

He hides his now covered bright pink ears from you and nodded, as you saw his happening you got curious and started nagging him why did he cover his ears from you.

"hey sae, why are you covering your ears?" You ask as you start tugging on his uniform, he wanted to say but his pride is not letting him.

'Oh sorry my ears became a bright pink as you my crush said my name out loud'

No no...

Not happening in a million years

"Ah well I heard a mosquito..." That was a Lukewarm excuse to give, but did he care absolutely not.

You start dragging him again accepting his reason like all the other times you and him hang out at your place.

"Also did you hear, Kourtney And Abigail stop being besties?" You questioned, sae just furrowed his eyebrows.

He never cared about any drama in the school, it's lukewarm and not deserving of his time. But just for you he nodded which you scream with excitement.

"Omg you finally started learning some drama, It's been so long since you actually learned some drama~!"

You continue babbling your nonsense and start adding some more gossip in the school, sae just ignored it and kept on walking with you.

You kept on talking even as you both reached your destination, sae being quite annoyed softly (maybe not so) hit your head with his fist.

"Hey what the hell sae!?, I was just getting to the good part-" sae immediately cut you off

"We're here already... And stop babbling on such Lukewarm things" sae replied his hand far gone covering his ears, which turned to it's normal color.

You got an idea ...you lean closer as you give the most cheeky smile ever,sae immediately blush.

"Hey... Sae-chan~?" You have flap your eyelashes at him.

"Y-Yeah?" Sae replied trying to hide his blushing face. Sae just screams internally as he watches you lean a centimeter closer

Oh how pathetic...

Why did I say that? It's lm a damn idiot.

Omg what if she notices my face?

Oh fuck...

"You're so lukewarm (reader)..." sae mumble which you definitely heard.

"Huh, why sae-chan?" You inch a bit closer to him.

Sae turned more red from both you and what he just said to you. He's a complete mess and your still that close to him.

Oh fuck... What have I done!?

This is so damn embarrassing.

I wanna dig a hole and jump...

And if he couldn't be blushing enough by you, he heard a small compliment it wasn't a unique one he heard it multiple times in the media, but coming from your tongue... It felt magical, sae had butterflies in his stomach.

'Sae you know, your very handsome and especially with those underlashes' he recalls what you just said, that earned him to be another blushing mess.

As he finally made himself calm down, he scanned the room to find you once he didn't see you in the room. He figured you left to go to your room, which he was grateful for...

Calming himself by inhaling and exhaling, he soon followed it to go to your bedroom after he had stopped being a mess.

As the day goes by you and him had lots of fun chatting about Life... And sae's football career and what you two will do in the future.

You reveal your dream to him and he was quite surprise by it but nonetheless wish you luck on your own journey to success.

It's been a year now, your standing at the airport seeing sae leave for spain to play in real mandrid. And most importantly you're very comfortable using sae's first name.

"Sae, please text me everyday! And reply to my calls" you not so nicely reminded.

"Yes... I know (reader) I'll do it" sae sighs as he hugs you tightly. "I'm going to miss you" you smile and return the hug "I'll miss you too its been great having you around"

"Wait sae where is your family, I never got to see them all these years? Of friendship" Sae just pointed to the side, which in return have you looking embarrass of not noticing them.

You let out a long 'ooh' as you and him approach them, once you are standing infront of his parents. You left out a bow and introduced yourself, which amazed them and patted your head.

"Good day Mr. and Mrs. Itoshi i am (last name) (reader) sae's friend"

"Woah Sae never told us your friend was such a well mannered lady!" Mrs. Itoshi remark which soon followed by Mr. Itoshi to praise you.

As soon as Mrs. And Mr. Itoshi stop admiring your good manners, you scan around to find sae, once you identify where he was and start to proceeds towards his location.

As you draw closer and closer you make-out a younger version of sae but with dark green hair.

"Hey! Sae who's that with you?" You question which sae answered truthfully.

"That's my younger brother (reader)"

"Ooo! I never knew you had a brother" you start pinching the younger brother as start complimenting his adorable appearance, rin in response annoyingly stick his tongue out.

Meanwhile sae starts glaring at Rin unconsciously, is this the last thing he sees before heading to Spain? His first crush, his love, his number 2...

(I'm sorry it's cannon that he'll choose football over you)

He snapped out of his death glare to Rin when you suddenly ask a question.

"What's his name, sae?" You asked as you finally stopped giving the younger one attention.

Sae gave a force smile and introduced him to you "That's Itoshi Rin he's 11" you thanked him and started completing rin again.

That ticked Sae off deeply as he glared at Rin to make him realize to stop hogging all of the attention.

Rin seeing his older brother sulk start walking towards him and hugging him tightly.

Rin thought it was because of him leaving the country...(It wasn't obviously)

"It's okay Nii-chan, we will give lots of gifts!" That made sae quite confused, yet seeing you again gushing of Rin endearing attempt, Sae start acting like a good older brother just for you.

"I know Rin ill be sure to be the best striker in the world, promise" Rin smile having sparkle in his eyes, having you finally turn you attention to Sae.

"Sae remember to know that I'm your number 1. fan" you jokingly reminded, rin angrily replied with "No! im his no. 1 fan, plus your a girl you dont know anything about football"

You smile internally Rin was just like Sae, yet you still was pissed at his fabricate lie. But as you were about to scold him Sae already doing the job for you.

"Rin thats rude, we dont do that anymore."

"But..." sae again glared and signal to him to apologize to you.

Once Rin finally muttered an apology for his rude behavior, you gladly accepted and told him you were more than knowledgeable in the world of football.

Rin beamed with excitement after getting confirmation from sae that it was indeed correct.

"Can you play football...?" you nodded your head that seems to make rin eye's sparkle.

As the conversation continued, Sae was called by his parents, that briefly stopped the chattering between the three people.

Its time for sae to leave the country...

You stand there feeling a mixed of sorrow and cheerfulness for you friend. You never felt this mixed of emotions at the same time, your first friend leaving you to pursue his football career.

You wave sae goodbye... having a smile of your faceyou stop him midway and hugged him "I will really miss you sae... please don't forget about me"

"I wont (reader)... dont replace me with anyone, okay?" you nodded your head and then tried to joke abit to lighten up the tension in the air. "I promise to protect rin and be his guardian for you"

Sae laughed and then made joke "Make sure he isn't a brat when i come back" you laughed and promise.

its time for the family to say their goodbye's

"Take care of your health!" Mr. itoshi said

"Good luck, sae!" said the wife waving her hand as she continued smiling

"Nii-chan, have a safe trip!" said rin and having an expression of joy

sae responded by smiling " See ya." he pause "Im off to be the best in the world" you and rin smiled and wave to sae.

you see him carrying him luggage and phone as he smiles finnaly entering the plane to spain.

Its been a couple of years, you kept the promise you made to sae to be the guardian of rin for all the years when sae was in spain. You still kept contact with sae by vc or just texting.

Itoshi family treated you as their own, and rin finally stop being rude to you as more time passed. You and rin occasionally hang out at the beach to get his mind of things with sae.

You were there for rin in every match he had, even practice.

this is one of your best interaction with rin...

...

"Hey Rinnie, do you wanna play a match with me?" you questioned which rin just nodded his head in approval. Tossing the football towards you giving you a slight advantage over him.

"Once i get the ball i win if you score you win, deal?" you nodded at the rule

You kick the ball to the left giving it a slight curve and started running, if you calculated correctly the ball will come back to your feet. But it's not that easy it's far more complicated than that...

And you know that, Afterall you saw his performance in the real matches, you know that he will catch up eventually and defeat you. But you wont make it that easy...

You hear heavy footsteps right behind you, rin was already catching up but just in time... The ball manage to came back. but as you were about to do something, rin interfered and got the ball before you got to do anything.

"(reader) you lost the game" rin said having a stoic expression. "good job rin, you were better than last time!" you smiled and gave a high five.

Rin returned the smile and high five you, you then added "Im sure sae will be impress by your growth!"

"You think so?" asked rin which you reply with "Im know so!" rin smiled from ear to ear

"Omg rin your just as cute when the first time i met you" you jokingly remark seeing his joyous expression.

"Hey I'm not cute!" rin bite back

you playfully rolled your eyes, "Whatever makes you sleep at night, i guess"

"Im literally taller now than before even taller than you!"

"So...? it doesnt mean taller people cant be cute"

"Hm. whatever you lukewarm girl" rin responded

"Oh come one have some originality will you?" you insulted in a friendly manner

"You forgot the comma" insulted back jokingly

"Oh shut up fancy pants" your eyes rolled back.

You both laugh at the weird interaction, then you suddenly suggested to buy some popsicle since it was still early.

Rin immediately screamed a yes, that caught you by surprise by his excitement. He started to drag you in a not so nearby ice cream shop.

"You'll pay right?" you nodded in agreement, as rin saw this his eyes light up and grab a quite cheap popsicle.

"I'll have this one!" you gave a nod and got your ice cream from the freezer near the entrance of the shop. you pay the money and surprisingly it was much cheaper than you expected it to be.

As yo both were eating away the ice cream rin suddenly tap your shoulder "(Reader) i won, look" you let out a smile and congratulated him.

"i got to practice again... i have to be the best after nii-chan!" rin added, you note that he is revolving around sae a bit too often, but that seems quite adorable to you.

"Okay then, i have to go back home, i have to help my mother by preparing a gift" now that statement got rin curious.

"Who's gift?" rin asked throwing away the popsicle

"My father, why do you ask?" you answered adding another question.

"Just got curious, wait father-?" rin asked once again.

"Yes for my father, what the hell are you on abo-?"

"i thought you were fatherless...." he admitted sheepishly.

He thought you would be angry, but then saw you laughing your ass your by hearing his confession.

"Wait really...?" rin nodded confirming what he just said, but seeing you laugh even more make him chuckle and blush from embracement.

You noticed it and smile still laughing uncontrollably, "i never knew the itoshi brothers could laugh"

"Oh come on! we still have emotions we just don't show it" rin snarled back having a slight cocky grin plastered on his face. meanwhile you just stared at him weirdly.

You swear you heard the same thing somewhere, after a few moments thinking where and who you chuckle a bit

"Gosh your just like sae" you sigh before continuing "He told me the same thing when he was still here"

"Wait are you serious?" you nodded and and he smiled dumbly.

"But be sure to not be an actual copy of sae, k?" rin gave a thumbs up "You are your own person and not sae itoshi's little brother"

"Oh stop, your not my mom" you smiled sticking out your tongue,, "but i am your guardian, i only want the best for you"

"Anyways i have to go for real now" you wave your hand and start smiling "dont miss me too much rinrin"

"I won't (reader)" he said ticking his tongue out.

...

From day that onwards you and him had one of the best relationship, he started being more kind to you and sometimes you guys flirted just for fun.

His teammates always ships you two together when your at his practice, which is always or every single time. Hell even his parents believe this. And that somehow ends up to you laughing it off while rin becomes a blushing mess

Rin itoshi

Have i fallen for her...?

A weird feeling, it was innocent at first but then the thought of her kept me awake at night, the way she smiled at me... the way how i felt safe around her.

She always told me to be me, and not the 'little brother of sae itoshi' she was the first to say that. How she somehow makes me chuckle at the worst joke, before i knew it i had already fallen for her.

this crap is boring you can skip it since i was trying to describe what happened in the manga.

4 years have passed since sae left to play in real mandrid, rin and his team was playing a match against a team called RIXIL . You were there supporting the team by cheering at the sideline.

The last few moments of the game rin had the ball while being press by a few defenders, dribbling pass them he runs forward towards the goal. Since you were quite knowledgeable in the world of football, you easily understand what will rin do in his situation.

His team screaming him to pass the ball with his coach, passing the ball to his teammate for that person to pass to another teammate near him to finally to finally pass to rin.

He scored the winning goal, screams of joy filled the area you quickly congratulate him on his win after the match.

"Rinrin that was an amazing goal you made!" rin blush and replied "I'll be the best in the world with nii-chan afterall!"

"You surely will, be the best with sae" you paused "What do you want for winning the match?" rin grinned at this, "Your hand in marriage, (reader)"

"If you be the world best with your brother" you smirked back.

"Oh you might as well marry me now" he stick his tongue out.

"Oh don't be so cocky with me" you feel your phone ring inside your pocket "excuse me rinrin i have to take this call"

Rin gave a thumbs up going to a bench to cool down before taking a shower, you took awhile chatting with the person on the other line.

After you ended the call you turned to rin "your mother hosted a family dinner to celebrate your win, rinrin" You gave a soft smile as you start preparing to leave.

"Where you going?" rin asked as he drink his water bottle "to help Mrs for dinner, anyways imma go now!" rin watches you leave then left out a sigh of relief

Why the hell did i say that?

That lukewarm shit was so risky...

Thank gosh she didn't notice it was real...

...

He watches his two teammates leave as it turned to a late afternoon, he note that it would probably be turning evening very soon. But he still wanted to train his skill..

He kicks a ball towards the goal, as it hit the net he think to himself how it wasn't in the spot he wanted. 'Ah. its snowing..' he thought to himself and heard a voice in the distance.

"Wasn't that shot a bit shoddy?" he looks a bit closer, it was sae his eyes lit up with joy after seeing him after all these years and blurted the word 'nii-chan'.

They both exchange pleasantries with one another, rin noticed sae wasn't feeling himself he looks... sad, unfulfilled? an emotion he never saw his brother have.

...

the clock hit (I have no idea) you started becoming worried, rin usually be home by now... thinking the worst you thought he was kidnapped, in this time many kids have been reported missing.

The more you think about it, the more you start being uneasy. note to yourself to check outside just in case rin was just running late, and if not you'll go to the football field.

You checked outside using a peephole and thankfully rin was just walking towards the door, relief washed over you and you opened the door.

"Rinrin! welcome back dinners almost ready" you smiled from ear to ear but rin just walked passed you, you didn't even bat an eye you guessed it was he got tired by practicing for so long.

You went back in the kitchen after the Mrs. of the house called your name, you helped with the last remaining dishes and prepared the table with her.

Everything has been prepared, "(reader) dear, may you please call rin down?" you smiled and nodded "Yes Mrs. i will" and there you go, going to rin's room.

As you were approaching the bedroom you hear a loud crash. Feeling fearful of what might be happening you run towards the room, you opened the door as soon you were infront of it. "Rin what happened!?" you screamed out of instinct.

"Get the fuck out of my room" yelled back rin

That startled you you never saw him this mad looking around the room you saw all of sae's awards, a few moment of silent rin gave a small sorry.

"Sorry (reader) i just had a bad day" you smiled and patted his head, "Dinners ready rinrin" you said and exited the door. You got awfully curious what happened.

As soon you sat down rin came and sat beside you, "Since everyone's here lets all pray first" said Mrs. itoshi

"Mrs?" you called out to rin's mother "May i take a picture to send to sae?" she nodded as she signal for everyone to hold hands to pray.

After praying you took out your phone and as intended "Say cheese everyone!" as you held your phone up high for everyone to see. You soon took the photo

" いただきます" (its Itadakimasu its said before eating) said the group

"Woah this is delicious!" said mr. itoshi "who made this?" Mrs. Itoshi replied with your name.

"You would make a wonderful housewife!" said Mr. itoshi

"Im flattered by your kind words Mr. itoshi!" you replied

"So are you planning to marry one of our sons, (reader)?" you nodded your head chuckling slightly

"I might marry one of them, or even both of them!" the parents laughed and you also joined in laughing

Rin blushed he had a chance getting with you? and even marrying you? that would be a dream come true, he just to make sure sae hadn't have any feeling for you.

After you finish eating your meal, you thank Mrs. Itoshi for inviting you as a guest.

You returned home safely, but as you were about to fall asleep you remembered the photo you took with the family. You opened the app and send the photo with the caption.

"celebrating rin's amazing goal!" and "wish you were here with us"

And then drifted to sleep... the next day you check you Messager app to see sae's respond to your text. It was the normal response but something caught your eye, the last message.

"I'm changing my dream i wanna be the world best midfielder" being the good friend you are you supported his decision with open arms.

It's been a few months almost a year by now, your relationship with him wasn't the same ever since that day. Rin was cold to you, not starting a conversation. he wasn't particularly rude just silent.

He was different as you kept noticing this you felt uneasy. You did try to ask him what happened yet he didn't answer, whenever you mention sae he just glared at you until you drop it.

That continued on... until he went to a facility called "blue lock" to be the best striker in Japan.

You couldn't able to contact him, you brush it off as he was probably busy. Being quite lonely you tried to reach sae but that ended in failure.

JAPAN U20 VS BLUE LOCK 11

"(Reader) quick your going to be late!" said your mother as she got the keys of the car to tossed it to you.

You catch the keys "Ma, don't worry" you quickly replied getting your purse.

"Gosh (reader) you got the front seats by the itoshi family hurry up!"

"I know ma! I'm very excited" you responded as you exit the house and got in the car.

"Make sure to give me and your father some gifts!" you agreed and quickly drive to the location.

You arrived just in time to be able to buy some merch, looking around the area you find the perfect thing, a rin plushie and a sae jersey its was hella expensive, if you didn't get a discount you would have been on the headline being the poorest person in Japan.

wait what time is it...?

Oh I'm actually going to be late.

Wtf i sound so calm!?

You start walking faster and by pure luck manage to get to your seat in time (barely...), you look around to find the couple that bought the seats.

Fuck where are they?

What in the actual ass!?

As you were silently in the seat thinking they cancelled the purchase, you felt a beep inside your bag. You took your phone to check what's up with it

"Sorry (reader), we both had an emergency and have to tend to it, your own your own" text by Mrs. Itoshi

Well that's a relief...

I was about to dig a hole and burry myself

Time to enjoy the game!

Getting comfortable in your seat you remembered the jersey you bought, 'Might as well wear it' you slid inside the jersey as you waited for the match to start

You watch eagerly at the entrance of the field where the players will appear, As you see both teams emerge from the shadows. The crowd screams 'itoshi sae' as soon you he appeared. even some screaming a popular defender name 'Aiku'

Joining in the screaming you loudly yelled sae's name.

"Sae, don't disappoint me, give me a good match to watch!" repeating sae's name like a chant while smiling from ear to ear. You remembered to cheer for rin also.

Gathering all the air in your lungs to scream the hardest you can you wave your hand franticly, closing your eyes you gave your all in that scream.

"RINNIE-SANNNN WIN THE MATCH, DONT DISSAPOINT!!!" you thought you were about to pass out from how loud you cheer, but that was worth it since rin looked to your direction, you gave the biggest smile as you were still waving.

Little did you know rin was stabbing daggers at what you were wearing.

Sportscaster and football commentator start talking you fell back to your seat feeling tired. Paying your attention to the field.

(if you wanted me to explain the whole match i aint doing it but check the manga if you are interested)

The second half was over it was so intense you were dancing with excitement on how good the match was, sae's first goal to seishiro goal then the last goal of the fist half made by rin himself.

It was truly amazing first half, the blue lockers having a one point advantage against the the U20, as bought a soda from the soda boy cooling down before looking at the field, there's rin looking at you.

"Rinrin! congrats on that amazing goal you made!" you yelled giving a heart shape pose while sticking your tounge out.

Rin flip you off. that was unexpected...

"WHAT THE FUCK RIN!?" you yelled almost causing a commotion but thankfully you control your temper, you didn't wanna just do nothing so you double flip him.

He just stick his tongue out in response.

You calm yourself down and got your phone out to text sae, you pretty sure that it was allowed.

(Second half has ended)

Amazing those blue lockers won against the U20

the final score was 3-4 first goal was sae, then seishiro, then rin, next two goals were the pink demon the zesty one called shidou, finnaly was barou and the last goal was isagi. Screams of joy filled the stadium both with the winning players and the audience.

And there was Isagi's speech!

Overall if you had to rate the match it would be (your decision), you quickly got off your seat to meet with sae just he had planned.

Waiting outside the main gate you stayed there until sae arrived.

"Sae! over here" you called as sae start approaching you

"Ah hello (reader)-" "Wait is that my jersey?"

"Oh fuck i completely forgot that i was still wearing this..."

"you look adorable..."

"what was that"

"Nothing..."

"Wait can you sign this jersey"

"Sure" sae's ears start becoming pink

"Thank you, ilysm!"

"i love you too..."

"anyways bye! get some rest sae!" he nodded as you walk away.

That conversation you had with him was much more... something. But that was fine, he is probably tired from the match.

You went home since rin wasn't able to go home just yet and it was getting late, you arrived home and went to your feeling exhausted.

CONFESSION

Its been a while just a week since the match, you have scheduled to meet in a private beach with rin and sae.

You manage to convince rin with some hesitation from his side surprisingly.

Meanwhile sae agreed with any hesitation now that really surprise you to the point you thought he was a doubleganger.

You awaited for their arrival but then you saw your reflection in the sea, your hair was very messy. So being a sane person you pull out your comb and brush your hair.

As you were about to finish the comb broke in two...

Sae came first with a bouquet of flowers and stand their Infront of you.

"(Reader) i love you, be mine" he said in the most deadpan tone you ever heard, you look closely at his expression you saw a faint blush.

What the actual fuck?

Is this a dream?

I need to wake the fuck up.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" you thought that was you but you notice that you didn't say anything.

You see rin approaching no... running towards your direction holding a teddy bear in his left hand and a heart shape container.

Before you knew it rin punched sae in his guts, that scene looks like it came from a romance movie.

Then sae punched back which you assume was for self-defense, the more they fought the more you panic trying to de-escalate the situation.

In a last ditch effort you screamed

"Stop it you guys, y'all are fighting like animals!" if they ignore this you might as well enjoy the drama, eat some popcorn and and sit down.

Rin came to his senses first and stop, apologizing to you. Sae glared at him, and was about to throw another punch. As you were about to get some popcorn to eat sae stop mid-punch.

"Okay what the actual fuck is going on with all of you!?" you yelled.

"because that idiot gave you a lukewarm confession when i was suppose to confess to you!" said rin

"The only lukewarm thing here was your goal and existence, annoying pest"

"Wait rin you were going to confess?"

"Yes (reader) are you going deaf from his confession already?"

"Can i hear it?" you asked

"Not infront of him!" yelled rin

"just damn do it rin" you responded

he paused blushing from embarrassment, lowering his head an holding his arms out with the gifts he brought.

"(reader) be at my side and watch me be the no 1. striker"

"Woah that was extremely lukewarm, rin"

"Oh shut the fuck up"

"So who do you choose?"

HALF FOR EACH OF US

Gore, jjk reference, kidnapping, but don't worry you didn't die hopefully.

Ending :1/4 you reject them both

"I'm sorry guys but I'm not choosing any of you..." you saw the hurt in their eyes, you watch how their heart was broken, but when you tried to apologize again they scream.

"Fucking get away (reader)" rin yelled

"You'll regret this" you felt the air tense up once sae told you this so you left the scene.

You live your life with the guilt of knowing you broke their hearts.

You entered a coffee shop to meet up with a old buddy you knew, before you knew it there was a sharp pain at your forehead then you passed out.

As you opened your eyes you felt a wet liquid dripping down, as you tried to wipe it you notice you couldn't move your hand freely.

"Whoops your already awake" you heard a voice speak up "I'll inform them"

"What the-"

You saw a few people entered as your vision start becoming clearer, the only people you recognize was the itoshis.

"I'll take the bottom part"

"We know, you ass lover"

'What are they talking about?'

"Oh (reader) only if you just accepted one of us" you saw him gave a cocky grin but instead of laughing you felt uneasy.

"Shut up, rin" Rin rolled his eyes at sae reponse.

"Don't worry (reader) the operation won't hurt" sae added

"Operation?" you asked still feeling the sharp pain.

"We're cutting you in half, ill have the upper part and that ass lover be having your bottom" rin answered putting his hand on his hip

"The actual hell?"

They ignored you and signal the other people to take you to a room, there in the room they made you drink a liquid and you soon passed

yes i was being lazy i want to be done

Fleeing Japan to go to Spain

Childhood friends to lovers, Popular x Normal.

Ending 2/4 : You choose sae over rin.

"I choose you sae... I'm sorry rin"

"See rin you shouldn't have even tried, she always would choose me"

"I'm really sorry rin"

"Don't. be. (reader). i. fucking. hate. you. for. this."

You tried to apologize again but this time rin glared at you and you stop mid-way, "(reader) i have to go now." rin said as you throwed away the gifts he had in his hand to the trash.

You tried to get the gifts out of the trash but sae stop you, "(reader) those are dirty don't pick it up"

as you were about to argue with him that it's not that dirty anymore, you look at sae's eyes it was like the eyes of someone hopelessly inlove.

"I really do love (reader) im very grateful that you choose me... i will the best lover you'll ever have" you laugh at this and cup this face "Lets see Mr. prodigy~" you saw sae's face turned bright red and chuckle, sae hugged you .

"I wanna let you know a secret i always loved you from the start" you didn't know how to respond so you blush. "I love you" you nodded "I love you too Mr. Prodigy"

The moment you turned eighteen sae gave you the offer of flying to spain so you could both could live together at this luxurious penthouse. You gladly accepted because of the con's and since sae also offered to pay for your collage so you could achieve your dreams.

Be the no 1. lover

Brother's childhood friend, opposites attract.

Ending 3/4 : you choose rin over sae

"...I choose you rin" you replied pointing at rin direction, rin quickly jumped towards you and hugged you tightly

"I promise to give you the VIP seats when i become the best in the world" rin replied almost suffocating you.

"Im sorry sae" you apologize to sae and he started approaching you handing the bouquet of flowers, "I'm done with Japan, i only stayed for this long so i could confess to you"

He told you as he started walking away with his hands in his pocket, you felt bad for rejecting him but you still have rin with you.

"I love you so much (reader) thank you for choosing me and not him" said rin as he kiss your forehead. "I love you for eternity" as he approach your lips. and gave you a kiss.

That surprise you and rin notices "Im sorry (reader) im just so happy" you smiled at this and gave him a small kiss at his cheek, that ended up with him blushing uncontrollably.

"I love you (reader)"

"Me too rin"

You both smiled dumbly and went to get some popsicle. Once the blue lock project started, you just watch him at the bllk tv and texting him or calling him daily he made sure that you felt loved. He was sure the best lover you had.

Why not have the best of two worlds?

Two lovers, harem? i have no idea what is this

Ending 4/4 : you choose them both...

"uhm... i choose you both" they both stared at you in confusion, rin was the first to confirm what you just said, to his astonishment you didn't make a mistake of choosing.

"Well i call dibs on Sunday to Wednesday" said sae as rin glared at him, "I call dibs at the rest then." rin replied handing you the gifts he had bought to you.

"Your coming with me (reader) since it's Tuesday" sae said as he start dragging you to the local mall.

"Hey, that's not fair!" you heard rin yelled to sae but he didn't stop but just continued to drag you away from the beach.

And that's how your relationship with both itoshi brothers started, of course you manage to make a better way of dating each of them. But overall rin and sae were pretty much cool with eachother, no arguing, no drama, it was peaceful most of the time.

You will surely tell your future children how you met their fathers... You never felt neglected by them or make them feel neglected when you all were dating, even now you still look back in the past and wondered what will happen if you choose only one.

But you didn't think that deeply since you have two wonderful lovers by your side.

Did i lose motivation every single day and wish to have a proper sleep schedule? yes i did. Did i wanted to delete the whole fanfic since i thought it was cringe? i was going too but i made too much progress ANYWAYSSS TYSM FOR READING THIS PIECE OF CRAP <3 AND STAY TUNED FOR THE HEADCANNOS The whole fic was uncannon and cannon randomly since i kept getting distracted by the manga! My sleep schedule is ass :D

[rqbossman]

Hello Mr Bossman! (and possibly anyone else who reads this)

Its an honour to be here, I have a few questions. First i appologise for the long paragraph, you may dismiss it for the questions at the bottom. For context, i am here after finishing TMA and being up to date with TMAP, i then went over and listened to RQG, and have just finished listening to Epilogue 3 and might i just say, good sir I am grateful for your podcasts. I am currently just a few months away from my final exams of High School, and as someone who even just 1 year ago was very lost, struggling with school and being just overwhelmed. TMA isnt exactly comforting, but the characters and plot managed to serve as a good form of escapism while sorting myself out. I found my self engaging more in creative things that i had originally put aside in favour of maths and science (which i hated but thought i needed to do). I started drawing again, even if just fanart. and i found things going well. By finding podcasts, story telling and these communities have helped me in my own understanding of what i want in life. I got an ADHD diagnosis earlier this year, and almost directly after started RQG and as my first hyperfixation (that i was aware of as an hyperfixation) gosh dang it hit hard. (in a good way). Ive been able to do so much more creative writing and drawings, and got re-involved with a small dnd group with some friends who i played one game with almost 4 years ago now. So overall, inspirational sounds cringe, but it was. Im doing my best with the upcoming exams, but trying to get in to Medicine is not my only prority, and the fact ive been re-introduced to my first love (Literature and story telling), im planning to go do an Arts degree and i know i wouldnt have been able to confidently make this decision, or even have survived this long in the school system without the work you and your coworkers do. Now the sap is out of the way, Question time! (if you could answer even just one of these questions it would be so cool)(they go in order of RQ relevant to random stuff)(dont feel pressured to answer all/any. i know i wrote alot): 1. what would you say is the best way to draft out a long-form story. (with "Erasing the Line" as an example) Did you start at the end, with the links to the overarching plot.

2. When working with the players (in a form of TTRPG), what did you do to make sure you didnt miss relevant timing of plot points/ avoid creating spoilers while still giving enough detail?

3. What are good places to start with making a job out of storytelling/voice acting/audio etc. In the case of RQ, how is this a job and where do i sign up please! /j (what i mean is, how is best way/how did you find all the people involved and was there a common path that you were all on before getting to where you are now?) 4. Do you have recommendations for Terry Pratchett Books, i may be an literary-leaning student, but it seems i have never actually properly read any of his books. so where is best place to start?/What did you read first?

5. Similar authors or similar inspirations? Did you have a favourite podcast you listen to in your free time that you havnt had a hand in producing/directing/working on. 6. Favourite song/album/artist. And more specifically, what you like listening to in background when doing either writing or (for ttrpg) character research/game planing. 7. Since the olympics are on at the moment, what has been your favourite sport to watch, if you have been watching at all. Thank you for your time :)

Thankyou for all the kind words. Knowing our work is helping people really keeps our engines fired up. Let's see if I can't answer your questions: 1. I "sandbox" which is where I just shove everything I can think of into an unorganised bullet point list. Characters, setting, plot, all of it in one big mess. Then I decide what type of story you want to tell, copy and paste to a new document and then start to organise the thoughts (with the sandbox on standby if new stuff comes in I don't know what to do with). I think of it like scultping, you cut away bits and reshape until something comes out the other end that is story shaped. Only then do I attempt to build the sandcastle and put something coherant together like a synopsis or scratch draft etc.

2. Very tricky. I did a complete review and update of all notes after each recording session and don't forget the audio eas edited. I made lots of gaffs that you never heard as audience.

3. I contacted anyone I could convince to take part and just proved I was serious by overworking. I don't reccomend that route. Unfortunately it really is "who" you know. That doesn't mean chase established professionals as much as it means you need to get out there and associate with other up-and-comers who match your vibe. For me the route was long and windy and not a particularly good example. 4. I normally recommend people do not read his books in publication order. Don't get me wrong, its wonderful watching his craft grow from one title to the next but I would recommend new readers tip their toe into his later works to see if they like where he ended up before committing the time. I often recommend 'Monstrous Regiment' as people's first one. My favourite though is 'Thief of Time.'

5. I don't get much time to listen to podcasts in the last couple of years. I used to listen to a lot of non fiction. 'Stuff you Should Know' and that ilk. I also read a fair amount of classic YA fiction to unwind (Windinsger trilogy, Bartimeous, stuff like that.) 6. Paul Simon's Graceland but when working I assemble a playlist for each seperate project that is tonally appropriate. If I really need to focus I listen to Classical Minimalism. Or the Old School Runescape soundtrack. I'm allowed to be ecclectic. 7. I am actually in an incredibly busy work crunch at the moment so haven't seen any of it!

[satorusemepls]

Not well written, but the idea was too interesting to just not write it down. I will prolly write a fic on ao3 with better writing, this is just to put the idea out there so I dont forget about it. Just an enemies to lovers Azriel x oc or azriel x reader idea I had, with a lot of random background Idea I had on the character. Its angsty, and not the best meet cute but you know, I got the idea from a dream after I fell asleep listening to look what you made me, I did something bad, you should see me in a crown and therefore I am on loop. Good dream tbh. Anyway enjoy!

"What do you want from me, Shadowsinger?" She spat out, her hatred for his kind evident in her tone.

He tilts his head to the side again, his hazel eyes sparkling in the moonlight. He walked closer to her, his footsteps silent. "Nothing much, just curious as to why a young woman with no records of her existence is going out raiding, massacring and making so much chaos at illyrian camps?"

"They deserved it." She said quietly, but firmly. "If you're here for the women and their kids that are missing, they don't want to be found. They are safe, fed, comfortable and for the first time in their miserable lives, happy." She held her head high at the words.

"That did not answer my question. Why is a young girl such as yourself, carrying out such planned raids and missions? It can't possibly be to no end? What is your purpose?" He paused, giving her a moment to answer, but continued when she didn't. "You have caused quite the ruckus, you know? Become quite a threat." He said again, face still unreadable as he maintains the distance, knowing she could winnow away at any moment, in the cold and chilly mountains. It took months for him to track her once, he could not afford to lose her now.

"I will ask you again, Shadowsinger, what do you want?" She snarled.

"I am just trying to understand why you think a young girl like you is fit to be the judge, jury, and executioner. Justice is not something just anyone has the right to bestow." His words were veiled in amusement, as if all of her carefully plotted plans and raids were temper tantrums of a child, and not a movement in and of itself.

Her eyes glowed as her anger takes over and her magic her magic seeps out from her, uncontrolled and wild. The sheer strength of it had his amusement dying down into a look of wariness. "Do you want to know, Shadowsinger? You find it so amusing, don't you?"

He stares at her for a minute, a dark chuckle escaping his lips as he realized her weakness.

Her wrath.

"It seems I struck a cord. I do not find it amusing, but rather pitiful, you are so young, with so much anger inside you. What a waste."

She stepped closer, her magic thrumming in the ground, yet her words were quiet, filled with a kind of contempt that could only come from years of experience of things better left unheard, and unseen. "They took me from my mother by force, chopped off my wings, used me for their pleasure and left me there to die. An illyrian camp. And no one. Did. A thing." Her eyes were glaring right into Azriel's, her eyes full of all consuming wrath, as her words reminded him of another female he knew.

She laughed, but no humor was present in her voice as she continued. "No one even knew. You and your high lord lived blissfully unaware while my existence crumbled." She hissed at him, stopping just a few steps away.

"I was broken, thought I would never find myself again as I struggled in a lonely cabin I found abandoned in the woods. Felt as if everyday, I was still there, half-dead on the side of the road. Of course I knew living in the cabin was mercy compared to how they treated the women in those camps, like slaves. And thats when a girl came knocking at my door, an escapee from a camp. We decided soon after to create a safe space, for people like us. And the rest is history." She continued, eyes becoming damp at the memory, before shaking her head and smiling slightly, so sweetly. Azriel almost forgot that she had slaughtered a few dozen men a few hours ago.

He tried to reach out silently to catch her as she finally got to a distance where he knew he could grab her, so he could get more information out of her, about things she were clearly omitting, only to realise, that he couldn't move.

He looked up at her in horror as she continued smiling, almost as if it took her no effort restraining one of the strongest illyrians in history.

It didn't, Azriel realised.

"And so we trained. And I took so much pleasure in breaking the bones of men in illyrian camps as we raided them. Saved the women that wanted to leave, took them with us, back to our hideout, expanded it until it became a thriving community. We raided camps and bring people back, who can pick whatever they excel in and work in tandem. It is what I deserved when I had nothing. What they deserve." She smiled, pride shining in her eyes as she now dropped down to sit on a log in front of him, more interested in a white wildflower glowing in the moonlight instead of him.

"Say, Azriel, You're half illyrian, are you not?" She asked, her voice higher, lighter, mocking. "You trained in one of their camps, with your oh so righteous brothers, did you not?"

She did not wait for him to reply, knowing he couldn't. She made sure of it from her magic, taking away his ability to speak.

"You know it as well. Your brothers do too." Her voice was bitter as she plucked the flower. "And yet you choose to hide away in your pretty little city of starlight, ignoring the pain these women go through every day." She finally looked up at him, eyes shining with contempt. "You're just as bad as them." She hissed. "Why shouldn't I shred your wings like your people did to me? Speak, Shadowsinger, speak."

It took a moment for him to realise he could speak again.

Azriel was frustrated, he understood where she was coming from but he could feel his defensive nature for his family coming up. "Rhysand tries. He tries his best to do things for the girls there. There's new laws, there's change. It's happening but these things take time. We are nothing like them."

"You're illyrian, they're illyrian. You saw the suffering of the women there and chose to do nothing about it. You high lord may have put new rules in place, banning clipping of wings, and starting the training of girls. But you and I both know it still happens. All of you do." She shrugged, back to examining the flower. Her face was young still, and her body lithe, Azriel's heart felt a little heavy at the thought of her past, but the anger he felt at being this defenseless in front of a young fae overpowered that.

A dark growl escaped his lips as his jaw tensed, his voice was raspy when he finally continued. "We are trying our best to keep track of it, to eradicate such malpractices comple-"

He was cut off yet again, but this time her voice was louder.

"Well trying is not good enough!" She snapped. "You don't even know it when it happens. You're too busy going on fancy dinners with your inner circle. If you are so good at protecting illyrian women, where are my wings, Azriel?" She hissed as she looked into his eyes as if she was looking into his soul.

He froze at her question, his hazel eyes widening slightly. His jaw was still tense, and he tried to move his body again, failing to do so. He didn't say anything, choosing to remain silent. There was a hint of shame in his eyes as he looked away.

She scoffed as she looked away again as she dropped the flower and stood up again, dusting off her hands against each other.

"Thought so. Anyway," She cleared her throat, putting on a sickly sweet smile. "I am bored and tired of playing with you now. Scurry off, like the dog that you are and tell your high lord I said Hi. I am sure a very interesting gossip session awaits the inner circle tonight." She finished, the end of her sentence blended with yawn that had her stretching her taut muscles as she freed him from her magic and disappeared before he could even get used to the control he now had over his body again.

[cozage]

Happy 2k!

I was wondering if I could get option 2 with how law and reader meet.

Hiiiii! If you’re talking about The Daughter’s Return, that will happen (eventually!) but if you just want a random scenario, your wish is my command! Characters: gn reader x Law Total word count: 360

No Need for Pity

“You don’t have to dig through the garbage, you know.”

The man with the speckled beanie had been doing it for days, and you had caught him running away several times. You had tried to leave him notes to get him to come inside, but he always ignored them, opting to dig through the trash for leftover scraps instead. 

“I don’t need your pity,” he snapped, glaring at you. 

“Good!” you chuckled. “Because you’re not getting it.”

“What are you going to do? Call the Marines on me?”

You shook your head. “Like I said in the note, I’d like to cook for you. So would you come inside?”

His golden eyes shifted nervously to the door. “I don’t need your pity,” he repeated again.

“Fine!” you shrugged, heading back inside. “The just wait here. I’ll bring you something.”

You grabbed the leftovers you had planned to take home. It was a pesto pasta with garlic bread, but you swapped the bread for a piece of fresh fruit. He always left the bread for some reason, even if it was wrapped up and waiting for him. Besides, he probably needed the vitamins that fruit would provide more than the extra carbs the bread would give him. 

It was still warm as you handed it off to him. “Made it myself,” you grinned proudly. “I’m working tomorrow if you want to swing back by. I’ll have something for you.”

He scowled. “I dont-”

“Need my pity,” you finished for him, rolling your eyes. “I know. It was just going to go home with me, and I’ve got plenty other things to eat. There’s always extra here, so don’t be afraid to stop by if you’re hungry.”

He stared at you for a long time, wrestling internally with something you knew that you wouldn’t be able to understand. 

“Well,” you sighed, turning away from him and heading down the alleyway to your apartment. “Hope you enjoy it.”

“Thank you.” His voice was so quiet and gentle, you thought you had imagined it. But when you looked back, he was staring straight at you, and you knew you had heard him correctly.

“Anytime. See you tomorrow, I hope.”

[blommp717]

https://www.tumblr.com/blommp717/755407309435502592/thoughts-on-this

so like i understand that there is no ‘doing’. and that when i think of it, that is the experience itself but forgive me for still being method focused, why does this seemingly physical experience still persist? what changes did you make where it got to a point where you no longer ‘do’ things. i still don’t understand how my seeming physical appearance will shifts with what my awareness is on if i still have to think about things that i have to do in the ‘future’ while also being aware of my ‘desired’ life where those future things aren’t happening.

like i become aware of that desired life and i’m like well then it’s real and i feel good but then i also am aware of things i have to do in my current life.

I see, I apologize in advance for the long reply but here I go.

This feels like a journey, though a pretend journey, a journey nonetheless. I’m going to be honest. Even for me, it can feel helpless on random things, just today I had what I’m sure people would consider an incredible success story.

(I’m only explaining so I can give you some context if you don’t want to read just go past the giant story)

These past few days I’ve had this one situation that’s been absolutely gutting me and triggering me, like when I tell you, it looked and felt like the entire world was working against me. Like every single thing was perfectly placed JUST to get a reaction out of me, like it was just waiting and pushing until I’d give up. Now how did I deal with it? All I kept in mind was everything only had the option to work in my favor, I would throw in some personal affirmations of the situation I wanted and how the outcome was to be, but in the end it was about what I chose to be aware of. Throughout the entire day, if I chose to focus on what the 3D was telling me I think I’d be depressed 😭😭. Like it looked like new information about how it WASNT gonna work out for me kept coming.

But no, the only thing that mattered was where my focus was, and yes, I felt the famous pit in my stomach that I’m sure we all feel, I felt my body burn every time I thought about what I didn’t like, but it still didn’t matter because I got what I wanted and actually even better. What kept me still was knowing there is no way that what I perceive isn’t me, wether I like it or not, it doesn’t matter because it’s still me, recognize it and move on, recognize it as yourself, stop letting it hold something over you, BECAUSE IT IS YOU.

It does feel like “doing” in these situations, and I quickly remind myself of all the things I’ve experienced by simply being aware of them, it helps me push back in place. But I think it’s the most important In experiences that feel like they hold something over us to remember that, everything is temporary, in the same way I can waste my time thinking over and over about something I don’t like, feel awful about it and keep experiencing it, I can be aware of what I want, feel awful about it and experience what I want. I have two options but in one of them, I’m thinking about what I want, seems like a win to me.

Remember also, whatever you’ve experienced, is gone and died the moment it left your immediate perceived physical space. YOU DONT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT AGAIN 😭😭. Idk why I used to do this so much and I think it’s because we feel an obligation in a way to keep what we see as more important but omg, if awareness of the only reality it’s realizing that this apparent 3D replica, relies on you. Something triggering that happened? Okay cool, don’t resists it, recognize it’s you, if you want you can recall what you’ve been focusing on recently and what could have brought this to your awareness in this moment, and move to your new POV. Stop staying so hard stuck in a story you don’t even like!!! I ALSO did this so much! Nothing continues, I know it might seem that way but a nothing KEEPS GOING, something you don’t like? K it’s just one instance, whatever you choose to stack on top of that “negative” experience, becomes the, in a way, continuation. Everything is an entirely different experience, this life that we as god have made, this illusion we’ve made, is meant to be lived out so of course it feels fluid and natural as if in a forward motion, but it’s all just moments of right now, when you think about a memory, you don’t teleport to the past because it’s not a place you can go, it’s all now, even the future, it’s not somewhere you can walk to, it’s thought about in the now. I’m starting to ramble a bit but I hope this helped you. Just remember everything is about awareness, which is actually all you are and which is everything, so, be god, stop pretending to be human.

[eldrith]

Theres been some debate about Jace and coochie eating.

Like some fics have him as eating out random girls before he gets with his s/o who he has ben pining over for years and people are like that is OOC and kind of cheating and trashy so what are your thoughts? Like people were saying that fic Jace ate out some girls but never had sex that it was worse cause giving a woman oral is more personal

ok so buckle up lol this is long bc i have several things id like to consider.

TLDR: i think that everyone here has beautiful brains and are entitled to interpret characters how they want. after all, this is all just fiction about fiction. literally none of it is real. jace isn’t real. (that being said, fiction should not perpetuate or glorify unhealthy relationships.) and when i see fics where he may be ooc or just fics i don’t like, i just…stop reading them lol. bc other people like it. and i like to write things similar to ones i like to read, even if ppl interpret characters different. so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

as i always say: do what you love 🫶🏻

but (many) more thoughts below

firstly, i have written fics where jace has gone down on others that aren’t his s/o - and the reader in that story has also experienced similar situations with others that weren’t him. i do not think this takes away from their personal honor. i suppose in fics where they’re, like, married or in a loving betrothal, and he goes off and just like hooks up with another random person, that’s different and is cheating. but i haven’t read/written any that i interpreted that way.

also id like to bring up that, while for some people oral can be more personal… it has to be said that sex is a spectrum and i think assuming certain aspects of intimacy are more ‘personal’ than others isn’t universal to everyone’s perception and preferences. i don’t personally think it’s dirty when someone has experience. and while i can completely understand why people feel that oral is more personal to themselves, i personally dont agree with that for myself and my experiences. going down on someone isn’t that personal for me and i think it’s all subjective anyways.

that being said, back to fiction and writing, i could see both ways. i do like a jace who rly is just inexperienced - i don’t see him as being innocent though. he knows - he grew up around men and boys older than him (are you telling me he didn’t endure many sexual tales from Aegon etc) and certainly learned what it’s like.

i don’t personally hc that jace ever went to a brothel or anything (me saying that & having written this fic, to show that even single writers can interpret characters in multiple ways). and i don’t personally see him fully sleeping with someone before he’s married to them (because of the whole… yknow… bastard thing.)

but in my opinion and my writings (bc again, this is fiction and the beauty of that is that everyone can interpret things differently!) he honors women enough to know that they have the same amount of control over sex as a man could. if he likes a woman and she likes him and wants to hook up, and they’re fully honest about themselves (no lying bc jace wouldn’t do that), why not. he wouldn’t be upset if a woman he loves has been with another man in some way previously because he’s not… insanely possessive, and i think he’d find a s/o who felt the same way with him. (if he was completely inexperienced and his s/o was not, he may be worried about not knowing what to do sex wise, but jace is sex positive yall.)

that’s why i can also see jace as having a little experience. perhaps meeting someone that he ends up having feelings for who he isn’t betrothed to - it’s also completely natural to be sexually attracted to people even when you have someone you have been ‘in love with’ for most of your life. it happens literally all the time. & i feel like a lot of fics are like ‘Jace and reader have been in love forever since they grew up together’ and like yes i like that trope but if you spend like 10 years apart… or believe you’re not going to be together in the end… i could see jace having moments where he likes someone else and gains some sexual experience. even if there is an overarching romantic plot with someone else lol.

[spidermanifested]

Greed or Bido for the give me character thing so you can ramble for 3 hours straight grins

okay well i uave to do both of them now. you understand this.

GREED

how i feel about this character:

he is the perfect man. i want to lick him. no further comment

all the people i ship romantically with this character:

BIDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you know this. bido is such important representation as the first ever Fridged-For-A-Guys-Character-Development Barely-On-Screen Love Interest to be a middle aged bald man. every day i lose my marbles about how im cursed to carry this torch all by myself. four foot something homeless guy says fuck it ill do anything to save this person magnitudes stronger than myself, after ive already lost everything we built together. ill follow him into hell for the faintest chance of saving him. because hes my friend. and then he dies in his arms. abd a flashback of him looking lovingly into his eyes is the last straw to make greed accept friendship into his life again. royai WHO

i went into greed/scar in my scar post so im not typing all that out again but its also so good. extremely potent character development to be had. somebody validate me here im right

my goofy one is greed/madame christmas "married for tax benefits and also every couple years they meet up and have crazy sex" style. only a little bit because i thought about greed getting to say i fucked your mom shitlips to roy mustang.

is there ajybody else. im thinking. Uhhhhh. honestly i dont think so dvdggxf im too committed to the ones ive got and i have to put all my energy into those because NOBODY ELSE IS DOING IT!!! whole fma fandom spinning a roulette wheel to find a new random man they think is hot to ship him with every so often. when they could instead be sipping from my font of boundless wisdom.

my non-romantic otp for this character

the devils nest gang will never die. in our hearts and souls. also i need him and mei to be friends IMMEDIATELY

i DO appreciate the friendship between him and ling, but im not as nuts about it as a lot of people (i say with fondness). they can do bros attacks it is true. but they also knew each other less than a year, and sometimes it feels like people tend to. overstate i guess? the impact of ling and ed vs the whole, One Hundred Years Of Living In Human Society thing. i promise a couple of 15 year olds did not give him all that character development okay he was already basically there he just got set back a LOT because of the-- see now youve really got me rambling for 3 straight hours this wasnt even what the question was about

my unpopular opinion about this character:

wow i could have literally just waited one question to say all that. now i have to find a new one

uhhh "hes openly 200 years old and solidly established as an adult man from his very first appearance and the fact that his soul later gets a timeshare in a 15 year olds body does not change that fact and its alarming to stick your fingers in your ears and pretend that it does". is that unpopular. bbecause sometimes im so scared it is

one thing i wish had happened with this character

@catenation

okay now BIDO

how i feel about this character

would that i could simply transmit my feelings through a less uncertain interface than words. words alone cannot do them justice. look at my blog i guess

all the people i ship romantically with this character

greed and scar ive gone into already so now we can get into the even nicher stuff. Awesome

not quite romantic but i tjink he and ulchi had a fwb thing going on. bidos into hunks with sharp teeth we already know this

hmm i think theres a lot of guys in the series hed be INTO/would be into him to some degree or another, but i dont know if itd be romantic per se? like. theres only so romantic you can get with barry the chopper even if it would be really funny. "please please please let me chop up your tail it looks so juicy. itll grow back anyway right. ive never asked before"

also for catenation i thought itd be really funny to make him and greed and yoki into an extremely lopsided love triangle, where yoki develops a weird crush on bido which manifests in very odd ways that bido cant make heads or tails of and doesnt really care to because he doesnt like him at all. does that count.

i also have. a handful of crossover ships, which grew out of roleplays with friends. bidos boytoy and boytoy-adjacent collection includes

psycho mantis from your playstation

the bad guy in the harley quinn movie but not that version of him

KING MORGOTT, LAST OF ALL KINGS

and yes. they do smoke weed.

my non-romantic otp for this character

once again the devils nest gang at large has me in a vice. i care about greed and bidos friendship as well as the romantic aspect but the fact that bido doesnt really interact with any of the gang aside from greed SUCKS and i wish we could have seen some of that

however we do at least get a flashback of bido Standing Next to blondie and one of the bouncers. which in true "desperate enjoyer of a very minor character" fashion ive extrapolated into him having been good friends with that bouncer, because from what little pagetime he gets he seems levelheaded enough to win bidos trust. at a baseline i think bido would be wary around most humans and especially just after escaping, so knowing one reliably-decent human would have probably helped a lot with readjusting to the outside. & then i think out of the chimeras he was probably on the best terms with martel and ulchi, both from Reptile Solidarity and those two being more outgoing and upbeat than average

i ALSO WISH he got to meet mei because i think theyre really similar in a lot of ways. he would relate very heavily to being small and disregarded and saddled with the responsibility of helping so many people survive by whatever means necessary. they also both love yelling indignantly at rude people which is awesome. i think theyd yell at each other like that Once and then shake hands out of respect

my unpopular opinion about this character

all my opinions about him are unpopular babey Nobody is tjinking about him as much as me!!! he is important and memorable for one. and he is so brave and he loves his friends so much. he deserves as much focus as the rest of the gang if not more. he is the gayest fma character. and his face is HANDSOME he looks like an awesome muppet and if you cant handle that then get your ass off sesame street........

one thing i wish had happened with this character:

the chaptwr after greed gets introduced should have been just 43 solid pages of bido and greed making out rapturously, with the rest of the gang doing various tasks in the background. for flavor

[lostonmari]

SUCCESS #2 - November

Success #2 -- Everything I manifested in November

November is when I started this blog, and also ACTUALLY started applying all of the things I learned started taking affirming and thinking in my favor seriously instead of just sporadically manifesting random things here and there because I was too lazy to put in the work. I never had issues w wavering, but I was just inconsistent as fuck (Hell, I'm still inconsistent with posting on my own damn blog, yall can't possibly think I'm consistent with affirming!) So here's everything I manifested…

Manifested back my old bestfriend/ex-gf after 4 years no contact She came back, apologized for mistreating me and told me basically everything I affirmed for LMAO. and that's one of the things that gave me faith in the law because ik this girl would rather die than ever apologize to someone. Now that she's back I'm manifesting away her friends and leaving her broke down and in shambles because I'm evil and believe in revenge. yall dont know the type of bullsh*t this woman put me through. Idc if everyone is you pushed out, some people don't deserve forgiveness 🤓

My mom is walking again I successfully revised her shattered ankle without the weeks of recovery time the doctors "thought" she needed. She's literally walking around just fine now and doesn't need to wear her cast or whatever that big bulky thing was.

Manifested my brother out of jail on a time crunch Now I'm not sharing my family's whole drama online but… yea. he's out.

No more social anxiety, cured one of my mental health issues I don't wanna trauma dump or go into too much detail about my life but, yes. for anyone also working on mental health, it can be done and you won't regret trying. Life actually feels like it has meaning now and for once in all my years of life, I can actually say that I'm happy. 💗

Stopped nail biting COMPLETELY! I used to struggle with nail biting for YEARSSS whether it was out of stress, anxiety, whatever the fuck. but now it's completely gone. my nails are no longer STUBS, like theyre actually long and healthy. I didn't even affirm for this so I kinda think it came with improving my mental health since I didn't really have the issues that *triggered* nail biting anymore yk?. I'm actually the happiest about this result like yall don't understand how long I've wanted the natural french tips look 💀

[TW: Discussion of binging, discussion of food]

6. WL + Maintained weight loss! I literally changed my entire way of viewing food, and subsequently fixed my lose->gain->lose-> gain again cycle. Ever since learning LOAss If I binged I would be like: I just have a fast metabolism so that's why I'm so hungry my body is burning everything I eat so fast! and I would also tell myself calories don't matter because food is only energy. Basically, reminding myself of what Abdullah told Neville: "If you ate as I did, you would be poisoned because of your belief." (heavily paraphrased because my memory is terrible.. yes I'm working on it 😭) and it keeps me from feeling guilty abt eating. I ate SOOO MUCH food yesterday and I mean SO MUCH. I ate an entire box of cheese sticks, two large chicken sandwiches, 2 pb & j sandwiches total throughout the day, and half a tub of icecream for dessert… Yeah I was going crazy.. to the point I looked 5 months pregnant at the end of the night. Fast forward to today, my stomach is back to flat and back to normal as if it never happened. Food literally will not effect you if you believe it doesn't! This was my main focus too so I'm very proud of myself :)

Moral of the story is, never give up.

YOU decide what happens in your reality and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. There were times when I didn't want to affirm, so I didn't. If I felt lazy then I didn't consciously affirm or listen to subliminals, I just relaxed and went on about my day. I never made affirming feel like a chore. There were times when I had doubts too or thought it wouldn't work. I especially thought it wouldn't work for my mental health but I just affirmed anyway. When you're having resistance literally just know there's nothing bad that can possibly happen from believing in yourself and thinking in your favor. Just DO IT. Persist no matter what and you WILL get what you want!

I'll try to do better with posting my successes (but only ones that actually meant something big to me tbh. I don't see a point in sharing every little thing unless it was me overcoming some type of struggle) and answering messages but I refuse to download the tumblr app so yall just gotta see and hear from me whenever I feel like loading up this website. I'm just enjoying & living my life rn girl I used to dream about times like this and now I finally have them 😭

[lacunasbalustrade]

what are your general thoughts on queer(gay n trans n all) people? like you dont seem to be against gay ppl from what i can see but i also see that you've like never really openly said something pro or against trans ppl. sorry if its out of the blue im just curious esp seeing your pov as a religious person who has trans mutuals/follows n all bcuz i (unfortunately) know plenty of christians that know trans people but only tolerate them instead of accepting them (which usually means they misgender/deadname them)

hi! I'm happy to answer your question - it's a bit controversial, though, and a sensitive topic for everyone, so I do ask for your understanding if anything I say happens to offend you.

as a Christian, I believe in the stance the Bible puts forth: that BEING gay is not a life choice, it's an inclination that came forth due to the presence of sin in the world. the continuation, however, of this choice, is a sin.

To quote so no one thinks I'm speaking out of some random, bibically incorrect bigotry, Romans 1: 24 NIV "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another." ,Romans 1: 26 "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones." , Romans 1: 27 "In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error."

obviously my faith and beliefs should not be forced on unbelievers. I am not any holier than anyone else because I am straight. I am every bit as sinful because it's impossible to avoid committing sin.

so if I'm going to sum it up, it's best said as: none of my business because Who Am I to tell you how to live, right? you're my friends and 'preaching' isn't actually loving. the best form of loving others as a Christian is to accept them as a person before judging based on whatever life choices they've made or pronouns they call themselves. which brings me into the next part!

theologically, I have to admit I'M NOT VERY SURE about trans people. I genuinely cannot find many sources of literature on the topic. There are intersex people, there are people with gender dysphoria. The Bible doesn't talk much about those, enough to give any real objections anyway. To talk about my beliefs based off the context, if God made you as you are, you shouldn't be trying to change you...is the logic, but again, no reason to force biblical beliefs on unbelievers.

I do disapprove of the extent to which some trans people have taken this schtick. I've seen posts saying 'oh if kids can play soccer and do ballet which messes them up for life, they can also do trans surgeries!' I'm sorry. That just doesn't make sense. WHY would anyone want kids to have permission to do Very Risky Things when they are small enough to not know better or make informed choices? And I also know many posts say that 'common sense', kids aren't gonna do those things till they're old enough to feel like they need to do them....those posters need to remember the last time they regretted doing something as a child. Common sense can't be relied upon in my experience.

Plus, given the kidnapping laws in the U.S which basically allow children to be taken away from their parents if their parents disapprove...lol yeah now make a law where my child can be taken away from me if I'm not in the same fandom as them. It can be hurtful to receive dissent on your life choices, but that don't mean up and leaving is the solution, unless the living situation is physically dangerous in some way or you are an actual adult. Children are not trustworthy indicators of whether or not a parent is problematic. And I'm saying this having had problematic parents myself - sometimes we are part of the problem. And if it's difficult, you should still try not to give up on them.

This might be the most important part: I'm wondering whether the gender stereotypes placed on girls and boys are the markers trans people want to overcome. Because from what I've researched, there are two different camps. 1: people who admit that they are biologically whatever sex they were born, and just enjoy dressing like and passing for the other sex because it makes them more comfortable. 2: people who actually believe they are the other sex because they feel that way and they are only effectively realizing that change to their 'authentic' self by transitioning.

I don't believe in gender stereotyping. Like, girls wear skirts boys wear pants. Boys can't wear pink etc etc. So the concept of a trans woman thinking they are a woman because they enjoy the markers attached to being a woman, like, for example, having long hair and wearing skirts, makes me really uncomfortable. Because that's not the whole experience of being a woman. It's only a small part of it, and it's not universal at all. And while no one can claim that ALL woman have experienced a certain set of conditions that make them woman...the only standard for BEING a woman, in my book, is to be a biological one, because it's the only defining trait. When people think of girls, I don't want them to automatically think of girls with skirts and wearing pink. I want them to acknowledge that all girls are different, and the only thing that makes them girls is the gender marker, not their conformance to 'gender norms' that have arisen from societal conditioning.

The idea that someone's feelings can be 'authentically accurate' makes me feel even more....nah. Feelings are valid but if I trusted mine all the time, I'd definitely be all over the place.

To sum it up: no problems with the trans behavior because I'm not into forcing biblical perspectives on y'all. But I definitely have a problem with the idealogy and the legislature.

dead name, misgendering wise...I believe people should be called whatever they want to be called unless it makes the other person uncomfortable. In which case the other person should just stop interacting with them since they're so uncomfortable. (E.g you want me to call you Baby Chicken. For some reason I have a problem with it. Maybe I have a strong fear of chickens.)

Basically I respect your life choices. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk haha.

[clownrecess]

As an autistic individual myself, I am interested in the intersection of neurodiversity and various identities.

You've mentioned that you identify as a Norse Pagan. I'm curious about how your spiritual beliefs intersect with your neurodivergent experience. Do you find that your autistic identity informs or impacts your spiritual practice in any way?

(Tw for discussions of trauma, religion, etc.)

Sorry for the late-ish response! I've been working on this post a little everyday to make sure I write it how I want it.

I dont think that my autism has impacted my religion or spirtual experiences/beliefs, but my brain as a whole does. (Update: It actually did influence it quite a bit. I'm realizing this after writing this post. So, uh, thank you for helping me realize something that I find quite interesting!)

When I was a kid, I was raised in christianity. I was very religious. I prayed everyday, I had a cross in my room, etc.

But heres the thing: I have OCD. A few different types, but out of those, one of them is religious OCD.

Most of my praying ages late 8-12 was done purely out of fear. At that point I wasnt even really a Christian, I was just really afraid, which really impacted how I viewed religion. I HATED conversation about it because it felt scary and icky to me.

I didn't understand why people would ever want to talk about it. It felt like a very private topic for me, so I figured people who go out of their way to talk about it must be trying to get extra "good points" with god (maybe that bit was caused by autism, actually.).

During that time, I would go through little phases of a month or so at a time in which I would try to "swing the opposite direction". This was around age 10-11. I was developing an intense anger toward the church, and I just wanted to be the opposite of they were, whatever that meant. Because I didn't want to think about religion (due to anxiety around it), I really didn't know what many religious labels actually meant because researching them made me very uncomfortable, so I briefly identified as a satanist (this would be on and off during ages 10-11.) despite really not knowing what that meant. I think I just wanted a way to separate myself from the church as much as possible.

A few months after I turned 12, I felt a really strong urge to research paganism out of nowhere (I didnt even know what "pagan" meant, I just suddenly felt the need to know things about it. It was very random.). It started sort of as a special interest (Maybe autism did influence me more than I thought! Interesting.), and so I would look into a lot of different branches of paganism, focusing most of my research around hellenistic paganism.

A few weeks after this, I had a very interesting experience which I now believe to have been a sign from Freyja (I dont want to go into specifics. It was personal and I want to keep that special to me. I might later, but for now it's just mine. Just know it was a very beautiful thing from her.). DIRECTLY following this event (Maybe an hour or two later), I felt another urge to research things, but this time to be looking into the Norse Gods/Goddesses (which I'd never even heard of at that point.).

At that point I ended up converting to paganism. It was an extremely sudden decision, but it made sense to me.

No matter what religion I had been apart of before, I always felt anxiety and guilt, causing me to try and fix things by becoming excessively religious again in a Christian way. But from the moment I became pagan, I just never had that ever again. It's been the only religion I've ever felt fully safe in.

It's obviously been quite a while since then, and I'm obviously still a Norse Pagan.

Whilst I now love all the gods and goddesses, Freyja will always be especially special to me.

At this point I have worked with: Freyja, Loki, Odin, Beyla, and Njord.

Now, I also think its important to mention another part of my brain that impacts my religious experience: I am in a system.

Nearly all of us identify as Norse Pagans, but we have a few Agnostics as well, a few Eclectic Pagans, an Atheistic Satanist, and a Theistic Satanist.

The primary religious identity within our system is Norse Paganism, with the majority of individuals identifying as followers of this belief system. Due to this, we say we are a Norse Pagan! We are also okay with just being called "Pagan" on it's own, though.

[autisticlee]

the thought of trying to make friends is so overwhelming anymore because it takes so much more work than I have energy for and at this point. but i'm so incredibly lonely and feel horrible every time I see a thing I want to do but either can't do alone or would struggle/not enjoy alone. I need the other person to do more of the work to compensate for my overwhelming autistic exhaustion. I can't be the one that does most or all of the work anymore. i'm experiencing extreme social regression, and I wasn't even good at it to start with. now i'm just incapable. but I want to go places and do things. just not alone 😭 going places alone is very overwhelming and I never have fun or enjoy it. (doesn't matter how much other people tell me they ~/go to/do things alone and have fun~ as if that will make me automatically have fun 🙄)

I need someone else to take the lead and be like "I'll be at your house at 9 be ready we are going to this thing" instead kf me having to plan it all and beg people to go and do all the work and try to get them to be on time and wait for an answer and not get one until it's time to leave and etc. I need to have plans ahead kf time and it stresses me out so much to have to make plans while doing the thing (like not finding a hotel until we are driving there) or someone saying we should do a thing and I tell them to figure it out and let me know but they do not. they expect me to or theybare extremely unreliable and it never happens.

it's too much I cannot do it anymore. I could barely do it before but I only did because i've been desperate for YEARS to have friends and forced myself to do things I couldn't do properly and ended up having a horrible time because I was so stressed out and !!!!!!!!! had to vent sorry. sighs. want friends without the extra work. only normal amount of work at most.

don't think anyone understands what I mean by I do all the work and no one else does anything. I have to always message people first, always carry the conversation because they respond with a few words or not at all. they never reach out first or ask me to do things. I have to make entite plan for everything. they give no input about it when asked. even though I don't know anything and stress out googling frantically and end up with bad plans that don't work right and ruins what we are trying to do. they often they complain about choices I made despite having no opnion before that.

they always say they don't know if they can go and will get back to me. I have to remind them 57483832 times just to always be told they don't know. the day of I am at the place and ask where they are and they are late or say they forgot to tell me they can't make it. or they said yes and cancel last minute. or they'll give a vague answer and end up unable but didn't just tell me and led me on.

or they last minute need me to pick them up. i'm always the driving friend when I honestly shouldn't even be allowed to drive because of my disabilities (I make major mistakes every time I drive and almost get into wrecks every time. surprised i havent....) and my car is old and falling apart and likes to random breaks down, so when it has issues, it adds to my frustration. most people live an hour away and the places we go are 2-6 hours away. i'm falling asleep while driving and they aren't keeping me awake like they promised they would. I'm making mistakes and going wrong ways and they aren't helping navigate me, but point out all the mistakes i do. following GPS on my phone is so hard! I always go the wrong way and take an extra 45 minutes to get places every time. but they don't feel like driving. and they dont care if we dont go. so it's my job to make sure we go and i'm forced to do a dangerous thing i hate and am very bad at.

they make me be the adult when they are more adult than me because they don't have as much a disability or maybe not at all? but they just don't feel like doing it and make me. they can talk to people just fine. I struggle to force out a few words and get misunderstood. I will go without food because I cant order it get food I didn't ask for and hate because i'm misunderstood. they don't help me and don't care that i'm having a meltdown and panic attacks. they think I should just do it alone. I put up with the sensory hell and try to ignore meltdowns as long as I can until they turn into shutdowns and I can't even function anymore and dissociate out of my body and out of the experience. and they have the audacity to say I look like i'm not having fun and get mad at me for being too quiet and not talking to and entertaining them, but won't help me get to a quiet place to sit and recharge. anything that goes wrong is my fault and they don't help. sometimes we get back late and I say they should just stay at my place because it's late and I cant take them home. they beg me to take them home. or if they drove to my house they just leave even though it's 3-4am. they can't wait to get away from me. at the end i'll say we should hang out again and they're like yeah ok, but never talk to me again.

i'm exhausted for a few months after so I can't message them. or anyone else. I feel like it all failed because I had to focus on way too much work and just shut down and dissociated and didn't get to "live in the moment" or enjoy anything at all. and I was boring so I didn't entertain them and they were bored. thinking hanging out with me isn't worth it.

yeah I get it, maybe they also struggle or whatever. maybe they need me to do all the work. but I cannot. maybe it's not *their* fault and they aren't actually being lazy and boring. but the problem is every person I try to befriend is like this. I need friends that ARENT like this! but the people that do the work I do won't be my friend! but I can't do this work anymore! if I DO get someome who does more of the work and let's me follow along, they get annoyed at me for following and being too quiet or awkward or weird and never invite me again.

also, I forgot to mention, I usually have to financially cover everything for them as well. I have to basically pay people to hang out. i've spent THOUSANDS of dollars on people just because I want to hang out and have to bribe them. i'm disabled. I work a part time minimum wage job for my family with my mom. cant get a real job. technically get paid less than I work but they get away with it because i'm powerless. I can barely afford anything and rely on my parents to pay for most basic needs, but can't convince people to spend money for me.

so it's not just "maybe people do this sometimes" or they have reasons for needing me to do all the work and I need to keep doing it. it's every single time!! and I cant keep doing it! but if I don't, I stay alone. I either can't do anything or go anywhere, or I force myself and don't enjoy or remember the experience because my struggling turns into dissociating and brain just shuts down. this leads to dangerous moments where strangers harass and attack me and I cant do anything. i'm not safe alone. but I can't have help or supportive and kind people in my life.

I need someone who is willing to do the work I can't do anymore and do all the work that needs done. i need someone who finds that stuff easy and dkesnt get tired and burnt out from it. I need someone to who keeps coming back and doesn't give up on me. I need someone who doesn't get bored and annoyed that I can't do all the work or act/respond "normal" and doesn't misunderstand me thinking I hate them or something. I need someone I have things in common with and doesn't just small talk or talk at me about stuff I don't care about such as making me their personal therapist since I'm good at listening. I need someone who doesn't get upset that I can't respond correctly or read their mind. I need soneome who enjoys doing things with me more than sitting around and talking. i need someone that let's me be part of things and includes me but doesn't force me to be the center of attention and leader. I need someome thst respects my needs and boundaries and supports me and helps me and doesn't let that push them away and abandon me! why is that too much to ask for???? why is that so hard??

[fictional-other-tarot]

S/I Name : Gloria / Cosvin

F/O Name (+pronouns): Eddie Munson (He/him)

Relationship status: romantic

Preferred terms for S/I: Sweetheart, cutie, sweet pea, if being poetic: witch of the night (I call him my sunshine r sunlight sometimes?), goth princess? (or just princess idk i do get flustered on that tho)

Nsft : yes (if theres any from him lol)

F/O writing style: maybe his writing is slightly sloppy but i noticed his handwriting looks nice though...

but again not sure- anything goes alright tho.... he can be sometimes poetic w/ medival stuff... he likes dnd and any fantasy related things...

Other quirks / habits : ends sentence with his name, maybe with horns idk,

Topic : it could be him reminding me that i shouldnt be hard on myself? or idk,, could be anything that he has to say with the tarot... ive been lately trying to talk to him in my mediation and also anubis, but yeah... ive been wondering what message he may have for me, wanted to see if it responated of course- from what i tried by divination.

Letter theme : loving (with tarot) encouraging, advice, reminder

Ending note : could be his name with or without horns idk

Extra info : any adition info you think I should know:

he likes dnd, lord of the rings (idk much abt lord of the rings tho but haha)

he somehow likes wild animals... just remembered a headcanon where he picks up a random possum.. 😂😂 and hes like 'look at this fucker! :D '

he loves the gremlins movie sometimes, but also likes horror

kinda likes the idea of how i do my magic,,, (due to dnd themes) though of course- i do crystal healing in gen, set out insences for luck

he sure does say 'jesus christ' or 'holy shit' p much he someitmes cusses but in surprising statements though...

hes an ENTP

he likes metal bands like Mercyful fate, Judas priest, (DIO dio dio of course dio-) metallica, slayer (dont know much of the songs tho)

since mentioning uhm mercyful fate we sure do sing the songs (mercyfuk fate has lately been my favorite band tho...)

after mercyful fates album his guitar his named 'Melissa' after the album (and yea theres times we sing the lyrics from the album saying witch related like.. 'come come into my coven!' idk we always have fun singing the songs.. : >

if theres anything vampire related in the cards... for sure maybe its him though...? as much as i wouldnt want to spoil stranger things of his almost death. i feel hes already a vampire of sort though...

let me know if you have questions in mind omh... i wont hesintate to help specify more

Four of Wands

The Star

Nine of Wands

Knight of Cups

Page of Pentacles

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

My beloved Gloria,

You're not allowing yourself to feel the joy you could feel, sweet pea, why are you so hard on yourself. Even small moments are there to be celebrated. Small goals reached are still goals reached, my sweetheart.

You're healing yourself though, sweetheart, slowly but surely you're letting your light shine, holding onto hope in times of darkness too. Like fuck, sweet pea, I thought I had a lot of acceptance for how life went, with all the shit that has happened to me, but you have already made such progress in healing yourself, more than I'd ever could on my own.

But I'm here to remind you, princess, it's okay to take a stand and guard yourself from those that harm your joy. I know it's hard for you to be assertive but I believe in you. You don't have to keep the peace or lead with love all the time, it's admirable you want to, but it's not needed. Let yourself enjoy things at your pace, you don't have to let others dictate what you can and can't do.

You have always been the studious and curious kind. Seeking the divine and inner truth. Seeking clarity at every way. You want to understand the people around you and I love that about you. You are just perfect to me, goth princess.

I love you, my witch of the night.

- ^Eddie Munson^

[onlyjaeyun]

jaemin foul for cheating but he kinda valid for speaking up about not feeling loved?!? Idk I mean ofc he shouldn’t have cheated and there should have definitely been more communication to help them but is he so wrong for feeling neglected? Idk idk I just idk sympathize with him but still fucking hate that he cheated as way to be validated!!

I think I sympathize because my ex bf was the same where there was a lot of priority given to everyone but me and I was kinda just there to nurse his ego and make him feel good but never vise versa and that shit broke me the difference being I accepted that as my fate and he would tell me it’s because I’m “hard to love but he’s trying his best to love me” and like I carried that with me everywhere and I was always like … dang and idk i stayed in that cycle until he broke up with me but I feel like if jaemin didn’t cheat he might have been in the same place I was idk?

Sorry for the random trauma dump

-🦒

noo dont ever be sorry baby!!!! what im about to say is in absolutely no way belittling or disregarding your experience because i myself know exactly how you feel/felt and the cycle you are talking about and even if i didn't i'm pretty sure i can somehow phathom what you went through. (i'm so proud of you btw!🥺🤍)

now onto COLD HEARTS!jaemin however, he's just..not in that position. i've tried my best to depict him rather toxic and manipulative but i have realised that i should have made it more obvious or like out in the open to give his charcter the light i needed him to have.

ofc he's absolutely valid for feeling neglected, however – and this will be revealed in future chapters – he was never really neglected in the first place. he simply hates everyone in y/n's life and wanted her all to himself all while maintaining his own social circle as usual. on top of it all, he was actually the one in your ex bf's position since he constantly told y/n things like "nobody can put up with an attitude like yours" or "you're so difficult to talk to i feel like i can't ever have a normal conversation with you" when he simply didn't like her responses in the sense of its meaning and not even necessarily her tone.

you will understand the type of person he is the more chapters come since, yes they broke up, but he'll remain a firm part of the story till the very end!

i hope this somehow makes it a little more understandable which pov i wrote jaemin from.

sympathising with him in that matter is absolutely understandable bc we all would feel the same way, but i can reassure you that CH!jaems isn't one of us 💀

oh also, additionally i gotta comment here that y/n had to raise herself and her siblings and grew up in a very difficult household which lead to her having said attitude jaemin complains so much about. he knew this and basically – as the boys state in chap 5 – has made it his challenge to see if he can have her submit to him and prove himself that he can handle every type of woman.

i hope this all makes sense, i sometimes tend to forget that you guys cant actually look into my brain so i gotta type these thoughts and behind the scenes out every now and then! thank you sm for your feedback baby, ily 🥺🤍