#i dont want to live if i cant choose to stop

[imwetforyourmom]

GHOST OF A MEMORY.

CW: Swearing, mention of death, based off that one ep of greys anatomy - izzie and denny, very very sick chris, like hella sick chris—basically in need of a heart sick (because denny needed one)

SUMMARY: Even love cant stop ones fate.

A/N: The way my ass had to take BREAKS writing ts cause I kept crying

A/N: POOKIE GOT FIRST READDD @curi0usm0nkeyy

·˚ ༘

“You’ll always be my favorite.”

The love filling inside their bodies didnt stop the fate Chris would see soon, even the tangling, desperate movements of one another, the pure need underlying the quick, rushed movements to be one with eachother, to be together. Intertwined.

The love that surfaced from the crevices deep inside Chris’ body everytime he saw the girl of his dreams, you. He couldn’t picture a life without you, he couldn’t picture saying goodbye to the kids when dropping them at school if they werent yours, he couldnt picture growing old and wrinkly, the love mingling your bodies keeping your minds young for as long as you kept on with the beautiful, undying love for one another, without you. He didnt want to live a life, if you werent his. He’d rather suffer through the physical pain being on the hospital bed brought him, than ever to live a life where you dont give him forehead kisses everyday, where he wont feel the love radiating off your body.

Despite the emotional and physical pain it brought Chris to lie on the same, light blue, scratchy hospital bed, Chris would never choose to be healthy, to be able to ride a bicycle, to be able to breathe the fresh air through his lungs, if it meant you werent going to be there for him, side by side with him. Riding the bicycle with him, your laughter filling your ears as you biked down the empty street, riding into the sunset as you do so. He wanted to hold your hand while inhaling the fresh, dew smelling oxygen through his lungs, his head turned to look at your side profile, instead looking at you, rather than the beautiful nature he’d been deprived of seeing for months, years. Because you’re the only thing that could bring him the true joy of being him again. The accomplishing, true nature, of you.

His body began to crumple slowly again, after building up again, slowly mending the shattered pieces together like a child at hard work, spending hours at the same chalky tan desk, super gluing his fallen apart wooden airplane together, after playing with it too much. Until, in the palm of his own tiny fingers, it snaps, falling back to its returned form. Broken, and maybe never be able to fix again. He shed his tears, yet kept the fixing up, his mind destined with not giving up. Chris felt like that child— but not more than you did. You watched as his skin began filling with more color everyday, the bags of his eyes slowly turning lighter to match the rest of the peachy shade of his skin, his voice beginning to lose the usually rasp. Until, it all snapped.

He lost all of his progress, his body failed, couldn’t accept the fact he was healing, too attached to being sick to heal. His lungs returned to the short, quick breathing, his hands lost their heat and calm, returning back to freezing and shaky, his eyes never dimmed the same light they always had, even if the bulbs keeping his body up and running began to dim. The light switch struggling to turn on. He never once failed to look at you differently, to change to the same heartfelt look on his face, the soft, growing weak smile doing its best to cover the pain and exhaustion he felt inside. He didnt want you to go through it with him. You deserved better.

You didnt deserve to feel the ache growing inside his body with him, you deserved the excitement radiating off ‘the one’, filling inside your own body, Chris couldn’t give that to you. He regretted his entire relationship with you, but couldn’t be happier with you.

You deserved to be able to go onto hikes, travel across the world, or go on a simple, late night drive to mcdonalds, Chris’ rap music humming softly in the background. You didnt deserve to just sit beside his sick body, in a blaring white hospital room, the chlorine smell lingering in the air. It wasnt good for your body, to just sit beside him, reminiscing in the memories of when he was happy and healthy, when you could do anything together. “Side by side.” He’d say, but how you wish he could say it again, under different circumstances.

On one certain afternoon, the sky a bright blue, birds chirping, lifeful green grass and people all outside, bright smiles on their faces, everything was okay. At least, to others it was. Yet, for you, you couldn’t dare bring yourself to mirror their emotions, an ugly grin on your face sounded like a sin.

You hurt too much. It wasn’t even hurt. You didnt know what the fuck it was. Your eyes were dry with unshed tears—however that worked—your heart thrummed weakly against your ribs (reminding you of Chris), each thump a reminder of the shaky breathing Chris took that morning. Or, in other words, his last, short breaths.

Fuck. His last breaths.

He wasnt here anymore. He was gone.

You were never gonna hear his voice again, the same gentle rasp to it, the same gentle reminder that you were gonna be okay, as long as you were with him. But he’s not here anymore. He never will be. Now what were you without him?

You were never going to have the familiar feeling of a blanket on your shoulders with even the feeling of his presence. Even when you weren’t speaking, he still held your everything in the palm of his hand. You were never going to feel the same safety around a person that you felt with Chris. He was never going to be able to provide you with the comforting grasp of being safe with him, even in the space of your own home, protected of dangers.

And what hurt most, was the warm smile you could never see live, in person, ever again. It was torn from you, ripped away. Apart of you, maybe even all of you, going with it. You couldnt see his grin for you anymore, the pure flashed teeth churning your stomach with comfort and content, needing nothing more in that moment, than staying with him. Even when it was a weak and broken chapped lipped smile, it still fluttered your heart with joy and and a feeling you couldn’t place your finger onto, but the feeling you so badly wanted to grasp onto and never let go.

Your hands clenched into fists against the warm, fake wooden bench. Your back leant against the back of the bench in a poor attempt to relax, yet the stiffened form of your entire body didn’t weaken. It only served as a purpose that sitting outside, trying to bathe in the light, soak in the warmth, wasn’t what you should be doing right now. You should be sobbing, your shoulders shaking heavily with each loud wail falling from your frowned lips, your hands clenched at your sides. You were supposed to be mourning, crying your heart out, not trying to enjoy the outside, trying to bring your mind off of him.

Your body felt sick to the brim. Your throat hurt with the sobs you were holding back, attempting to avoid causing a scene out in public. Your vision blurred with the pooling tears. You hated feeling this way, your stomach nauseous, your head hurting like hell, and your body sick with the need to talk to Chris. To curl into his side, drinking in his body heat, stealing it greedily.

Maybe it was the lingering words that worsened the way you felt, the words he exhaustedly rasped out, his arms a comforting assure around you. Maybe, just maybe you took that moment for granted. At least a part of you did, it all happened too fast. One point you were trying to hear over your own deafening sobs, trying to hear his desperate confessions of love, the love he’d always give you. And the love he wanted you to go and give someone else.

His lips placed above your ear, his words muffle against your hair, breathing in you for one last time. The weakened smile adorning his lips broke your heart even more, he gave you one last effort to be him. To assure you, he was okay. He was going to be okay. Or, the smile etching his features climbed onto your shoulders, pillowing behind your neck, the rest falling behind your back and front. Warming you for what he physically couldnt do.

Or, perchance, his last attempt to give you him, was the echoes of his murmurs. The echoes of the war he’d had with his body, fighting to live, for you.

“You’ll always be my favorite.” Was all that stuck with you, all that you could comprehend, gather from the overwhelming moment. Too caught up with the fact you’d never get to experience him again, to even try, to even beg on your knees to listen to his last efforts.

1,503 words.

TAGS.

@luverboychris @chrissturniolosfavoritesexdoll @meg-sturniolo @junnniiieee07 @ssilentzom @b2cute @graysturns @wh0resstuff @sturn-bugz @sunsetsturniolos @strniolo @sturnssmuts @simply-a-simper @stunza @meerkatzthings @joemamaaa42069 @sturniluvr @cindylcuwho @wurlibydominicfike @watercolorskyy @aaliyahsturniolo1 @alyrasturnz @colorthecosmos444 @sturnobsessedwh0re @jetaimevous @nicksgirlfriend @4kv4mp

@lovesturni0l0s @maryx2xx @mattsmad @dollyspsychoxo @riasturns

@starsturni @britishamerican11 @mattspinkshirt

@chrissturniolosworld @ariqolyx

@mels22lunchbox

@elas3

[parasiticallamb]

i wish i had a choice. i wish i could rot. i dont want to be alive. i dont want to be alive. i dont want to be alive. i dont want to be alive. why cant it ever be my choice

[coridallasmultipass]

Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.

You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.

[martyrbat]

the man who falls – secret origins (1989)

[ID: Two cropped comic pages of Bruce Wayne as a child after falling into a cave and being ambushed by a swarm of bats. There's multiple narration boxes over the pages:

Page One: a three panel sequence of Bruce being rescued by his father. In the first panel, Bruce is screaming with his eyes squeezed shut in fear. He has his fists clenched in front of him and is wearing a reddish pink turtleneck sweater. The narration says, ‘Again, he shrieked — not in terror, but in despair...’ In the second panel, Thomas Wayne is shown from behind in a low angle. He's wearing a red sweater similar to Bruce and is holding a flashlight as he jerks Bruce into him. Above them is bats surrounding them and the broken wood floors that Bruce fell through. The narration continues, ‘The arm curled around him, muffling his voice, and his cheek rubbed against the rough wool of his father's jacket... He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to be away from here—’. In the third panel, they're standing outside. The narration reads, ‘When he opened them, he was in the area behind the mansion, in the pale light of the autumn afternoon, and his father's words pounded at him—’. Thomas is kneeling down in front of Bruce in front of the hole he fell in. He's gripping the child's shoulders as he scolds him, “Idiot! I told you never, never to go off alone. Didn't I? Didn't I?” Martha Wayne is behind them with her hand on the side of her face as she looks at them with relief that Bruce is okay.

Page Two: Martha is defending Bruce as Bruce has his head down. Thomas is still squeezing Bruce's shoulders as Martha tells him, “Thomas, he's frightened.” Thomas replies, “He damn well ought to be. He could have been killed.” Martha replaces Thomas's spot in front of Bruce, kneeling to gently place a hand on his upper arm and using a handkerchief to wipe his forehead. Bruce is standing with his fist still clenched and grimacing as Thomas angrily says, “He's got to learn.” Bruce is shown in a low angle, looking up at his mother with wide eyes. The narration continues, ‘He listened to his father's boots crushing the dead grass, and when he could no longer hear them, he dared to ask:’ “Mommy, was I in hell?” Martha soothes, “No, baby, that was just some old cave. You're safe now,” as she hugs him. His cheek is pressed against hers and she has her eyes closed as Bruce still looks uncertain. END ID]

[gibbearish]

are we really back to "oh you support (blank)? name ten people who (do/are) that right now or else youre lying for allyship points and everything you have to say should be disregarded". i thought we left that back in like. 2012 misogynist nerdbro culture

[acaesic]

does anyone else constantly feel like a spectator to other peoples normal happy lives. at the end of the day ill never feel like i belong anywhere. sometimes it feels like everyone is a beautiful sunflower and im a little rock sitting in the dirt. like in a room full of people all of them silently just want me to leave.

[dirt-str1der]

Btw shinada is by far one of my favorite yakuza character, i think he is one of the very few characters that got an actual decent closure

Yeah ...... it didnt un-ruin his life but like it was satisfying at least .... but his whole story arc was crazy (in a good way) like god ...

[0tivez]

this episode wrecked me but god geto is mappa’s new favorite boy for sure i couldn’t have imagined him being prettier in the manga and the cherry on top we even got a full on ass shot??? like that was so uncalled for i just stared at geto’s semi uncensored ass for a good 3 seconds and then i stared at it censored

[crescentmp3]

soon i wont even be vagueposting about my pain anymore im just gonna start posting in detail like my blog is a journal.

[crave-mp3]

.

[eruukat]

in el terms i have recently* replayed kotor but im missing bastila so bad. and cutscene comps for kotor SUCK the last time i went looking for tattooine clips, op slaughtered all of the tusken raiders just to get some czerka credits WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YUO so anyway methinks ill have to replay it myself. or something.

*translation: like 3 years ago

[cicadas]

If ur so socially isolated then why are you talking to me lol

[pbnbucks]

paige x nika x reader

word count : 638

warnings : a bit suggestive, sexual intentions.

summary : “ you met ur wbb player gf and to help motivate her, before a game you would give her a sexy polaroid pic of you and you bet your ass she plays better bc of it, considers it her lucky charm at this point” “they would trade cards or would challenge each other during training for their top picks of the sexy polaroids. treating them like the best playing cards ever. if you all live together, the polaroids are considered barter to get out of chores 😝🤭”

“okay but if i beat you in rock paper scissors i got both of theese and all your polaroids” paige hesitated but of course she was cocky and wouldnt let nika think she won so she agreed. “okay but if i win i get all your polaroids and the ones for the rest of your month” nika of course agrees and grabs the ball. theese werenf normal polaroids they where arguing over, they where polaroids of you naked all fucked out on your guys shared bed. your most intimate moments together captured for them. they worshipped those pictures it was a ritual. before each game they would grab their collection and mesmerize them.

Nika goes up to paige and gives her a quick kiss “sorry babe but id like my polaroids now” Paiges face is all red and shes pissed. she had just lost her 1v1 against nika over things she valued most “thats not even fair im not giving you them” and of course nika dosent listen and snatches paiges collection from her. you unlock the door to your guys shared apartment and you find paige on top of nika with nika in a headlock by the blonde and they still havent noticed you with them being caught in the moment of their bickering. “what the fuck are yall doing” their heads snap to look at you in shock. paige was the first to speak “she stole my polaroids” nika scoffs at the stupid blonde “dont lie to her” instead you loose your patience and put an end to their stupid fued “y’all better sit y’all’s lil asses on the couch right now” they quickly find the butts to a seat as you dramatically put your purse and water bottle on the counter and take your shoes off making your way to the living room and sitting down on the recliner across from them. “now somebody explain whats going on and why yall are acting like barbarians” paige sits their like a baby pouting as nika speaks up “basically…”

time skip

the innocent blonde knocks on the bathroom door and you tell her to come in, she goes up behind you and kisses your neck as she wines “she took all the polaroids baby tell her to give them back” your over all of their bickering that went on from the time you got home that you had to witness “awww is mommy’s princess sad now?” you say to her in a baby voice that pisses her off. she immediately turns around trying to walk out before you stop her “okay okay im sorry but what do you want me to do about it, you lost them yourself baby” she goes to sit on the counter as she makes her demands “i want you to get my polaroids back from nika because you love me and if you don’t ill never get out of bed again.” you make sure to noticeably glare hard at her “im not doing that” she crosses her arms and looks the other way “then you don’t love me” she sighs and waits for me to give in “why cant i just take new ones princess and you get to choose what you want, how does that sound princess?” she thinks about it for a good minute “okay fine i guess but nika isn’t sleeping with us tonight” you stop dead in your tracks grabbing her arm “don’t push it paige” she pouts but apologizes “go to our room ill go get the camera sexy” you throw you shoe at her for the annoying nickname she gave you when nika calls you it but she was unfazed by it so you open the door to your room and strip your day clothes off and lay on the bed waiting for your sweet girl.

[margoisthemoon2]

Halsin nsfw ABC

A/N: uhh i 100% live by helsin being a soft dom in public and a hard dom in private

NB reader so…yeah

* A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) ~ He is most defiantly a big aftercare person. Massaging your tender body and kissing any bruises you got. Running a bath and making sure you heal. “Are you okay my heart? Was i too rough?”

* B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) ~ waist. (Sounds weird ik). But he is a huge waist grabber. It makes it easier for him to manhandle you and keep you in place.

* C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) ~ He loves seeing his cum on your back or torso.

* D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) ~ none he choose to share everything with you

* E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) ~ VERY!! Dude has had plenty of partners over the years. He’s a man and he knows what he is doing and what he wants. End of story.

* F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) ~ Missionary. He wants to see your entire body on display as he rams into you.

* G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) ~ He can crake a joke or two but he’s more serious and paying attention if you’re enjoying yourself or not so he can catch you giving consent or using a safeword to stop

* H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) ~ It indeed matches. He doesnt like to shave often in other parts thats not his face but he makes sure it doesnt get too crazy down there

* I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) ~ Very romantic. Every position that is changed you can hear him say “Is this okay?” “Let me know if you dont like this” he is a huge kisser during intimacy

* J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) ~ He likes to get straight to it with you but when he is alone and thinking about you he would touch himself once in a while.

* K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) ~ Breeding. Even if you cant get preggers. Breeding.

* L = Location (favorite places to do the do) ~ Anywhere. Any time. But mainly in nature where you cant be seen.

* M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) ~ Just your presence makes him hot and heavy for you.

* N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) ~ He wont do bondage. He doesn’t want you to tied up, he knows how it feels to not have freedom

* O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) ~ Hes a big person on giving. He cant have intimacy if he hasnt gone down on you yet.

* P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) ~ All of the above. Sometimes depends on his mood. He can be rough and hard and other times he can be slow and take in the moment

* Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) ~ He likes quickies. Knowing that its what you both want and you are satisfied is most important.

* R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) ~ He a ‘dont knock it till you try it’ type of person

* S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) ~ He can go multiple rounds. He will go from sun up to sun down if you can last just as long

* T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) ~ He doesnt own any toys himself nor does he use them. However he is very open to you using a plug.

* U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) ~ Hes a huge tease. he loves rubbing your bottom getting closer and closer to your hole before pulling away and acting like he wasnt doing anything

* V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) ~ He grubts alot. A moan and here and there. But he loves cursing during intomacy

* W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) ~ He wants to go as deep as he can in you. Other than missionary he loves the position ‘Praying Mantis’

* X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) ~ He is big and girthy. Hes 7” soft and 7.5” hard and 8” around.

* Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) ~ Very high. But he holds himself back as long as he can

* Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) ~ It takes him a while to fall asleep. He always make sure you are comfortable and okay. About 95% of the time he wants you to fall asleep before he goes.

[f1shart]

*clawing my way out of a deep dank pit or something* erm hai guys..College gays1!! 💗

ive been playing a little early strangetown and starting thinking up college hcs for these gyals theyre still kids in my game.. whatever. im the planner

★ rambling below ★

ok first, ages since theyre all fucked up in game: Instead of the twins being older than all of glarn's kids, they're only a year older than lazlo which Yeah would mean glarn got mpregnant and disappeared from the house for some months to hide it (idiot), dropped the twins at his lovelorn ex-wife's house, and returned home to his "normal" kids. They'd otherwise be in their mid-late 40s living with these recently graduated young women and like for what 😭 As of 2004 they are 26, erin is 24, and kristen is 23. she skipped a grade so she was a college freshman at the same time as eri ^_^

but anyway this drawing is set in 1998 HERE ARE THEIR MAJORS: Lola in poli-sci, Chloe in philosophy (she never fucking chose), Erin in psychology, and Kristen in public health but in-game it would be biology stop i wanted them all to begin with P beacuse. silly. kristen's mom, being an older and more traditional parent, wanted her to pursue a career in medicine but after her death kristen got the courage to choose the major she wanted, which was <whatever major gives you a boost in athletic LOL i havent checked>

gah i didn't mention but college is where the 4 of them met :3 I'm thinking of placing them in this university because i want it to be pretty far from strangetown hence the Actual Grass, plus kristen isnt actually from there so mission u may be closer to her hometown? maybe? Post-graduation they all get a house together because of their money situation even though chloe is a bitch to kris and erin 😭 (kris doesnt mind though eheh... my idea is that her and chloe had a fling in college but while chloe is a romance sim and does not gaf, kristen is still a bit hung on her) (i dont necessarily ship them tho im a diehard misten/lost waters/whateverthefuck fan OK. kris is a simp for pretty femmes & i cant exactly blame her...)

I LOVE HER!!! toothy ass grin god that face is just meant to be butch i can fix you kristen loste my beloved

[opal-owl-flight]

We've...won. What comes after, but to live?

Grandfest is giving me so many feels both as a player AND for my sploon plots. Holy shit. Im so, so happy that I was here to experience it. I missed out the last two fests. But not this one!!!

This fest made me have actual fun playing the game again. I was spending most of it vibing even in the middle of matches (but still doing my part dont get me wrong) -- even when I lose I dont get upset!! Bc the vibes were just that immaculate!!

Heres to more!! I may be team present, but I cant wait to see whats next!!!

Anyway. That aside. I cant stop thinking abt how 3 feels about all of it.

They easily win most fights, but a 333x in those top ranking matches is a FEAT, even for them!!!

Theyre there on the stage, getting their commemorative pics with their old team.

Just like old times.

And the crowd's going wild around them. The lights, the sound, the music in their hearts.

The smiles of 4 and 8 in the crowd, catching their attention. Octavio and Cuttlefish standing side by side near them. Octarian, Inkadian and Splatlandian crowds, all in harmony with the current song. A victory in many fronts -- theyre assured even that the salmonids they have contact with are thankful for their help in stealing most of the eggs back.

Theyre glowing, they feel warmth, unlike any other theyve felt before. Its as if its burning whatever melancholy that usually hangs around them.

Theyre smiling. Even in front of everyone they cant help but smile and laugh and cheer over such a hard-won victory on all fronts.

And yknow whats killing me?

Theyre thinking...theyre thinking with confidence, with strength behind the thought. A thought they havent thought of for a long, long time.

I want to see more of this! I want to live long enough to see this grow!

I want to BE here!

I want to live!!!

------------

*Lil design note: winners of 100x and 333x fights get a commemorative tattoo after the victory. Its up to the player if they want it to be permanent or not. 3 chooses to keep it permanent, so theyll be reminded of this day.

This day where they had a taste again of their life before it was taken away from them. This day where they were allowed to live, to rest, to just have fun.

Its to remind them that even deep in the trenches of their duty, they had a day like this. And they will have more of it, as long as they hang on.

**They still...regress at times, when they feel the weight heavy on their shoulders. But theyre not completely hopeless. They usually just need to be sat down and be given tenderness for a while. Be assured and reminded that theyre not the monster they believe themself to be.