#i fear this is what i sound like

[jarrodsbowen]

[glitchdollmemoria]

please can we stop describing bigots as delusional. please. im so fucking tired. someone being sucked into a hate group surrounded by others who believe minorities should be oppressed and encouraging them to believe in conspiracy theories that the rest of the group believes, is fundamentally different from someone having a mental illness that causes delusions.

delusions, by definition, cannot be explained by things like cultural background - such as having a belief constantly reinforced by intentional attempts to rationalize it for the sake of maintaining power over minorities. yes, someone can be both delusional and a bigot, and yes conspiracy theories can feed into delusions, but the two are not fucking synonymous.

i did not spend my teen years convinced that i was being stalked by demons just to hear so many of you people equate my disability with incel behavior and genocidal propaganda. stop reinforcing harmful connotations about mental health struggles.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Welcome to the Dungeons of Fear and Hunger.

[galacticlamps]

ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--

But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.

And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.

That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.

Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.

And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"

So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.

Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.

[blindrapture]

In 2011, I started writing a thing, on a whim. In 2013, I finished it. A lot of people seemed to love it? Then over the next decade, I put a lot of work into expanding and editing it, with plans for a complete physical book release that didn't happen. Well, here it is again. As an internet novel. A finished novel, this time.

I will start posting the story on May 21st, 2024. May 22nd will be a day of rest. And then, from May 23rd until October 21st, every day will see a new chapter-- a new log. ("F-Five months?? How long is this novel?" Oh yeah, good point. That won't actually get us to the end. There may be another eight, ten days of chapters afterwards. It is important, however, to emphasize the May 21 - October 21 model.)

I will make sure to put the bulk of the contents under "Read More" breaks, so each log won't clutter your browsing experience.

The logs will have art in them. Not as much as in the original draft, but there will still be some. As of May 1st, I expect art by Rappu, RealaChao, Wiratomkinder, and Vis.

I plan on supplementing the logs with the occasional post talking about the making and intention of the story. I dunno, it's gonna be a five-month distribution period, I'm gonna get antsy during that and am gonna want to ramble. That'll be separate content, though.

And when the story is fully and completely posted on tumblr, I will release the full novel on my Website, where I like to keep the rest of my creations. Both the tumblr novel and the Website novel will be free reading, forever. I reserve the right to try again at a paid physical edition afterwards.

So! That's it. Rapture is coming. OH GOD THE RAPTURE IS BURNING is coming.

Trigger Warnings: Sex, Gods, and Rock & Roll. (violence. some swear words. teenage angst, cringe. death. insects. surrealism. symbolism. unpredictability of what will be explained and what won't. sexual acts with dubious consent-- you will be able to skip that part. religious iconography. and so much prog rock.)

Get ready for it.

[uncanny-tranny]

So often, twink death is framed as a bad thing. However, the "twink death" for trans men* is frankly one of the most healing things you will bear witness to (pun intended).

[winterrbluess]

Spoilers

Ok now that the initial shock has faded and I'm much more grounded. This chapter is good actually. Everyone knew Sukuna was going to die and to some extent I knew his death was going to be anything but glorious. It's jjk people rarely get good and respectful death let alone a grand and glorious one but yeah Gege took me out again with how he closed Sukuna's arc. Was it underwhelming? Yes. In jjk if you don't adapt, don't change you're doomed to fail and Sukuna no matter how much physically strong he was always emotionally fragile and in the end his own lack of self awareness became his cause of demise. Kenjaku the biggest villian of the series (for me, the heinous acts he has done is way more than mass murder) got a pretty satisfying end for him because he was open to see and connect with Takaba. Sukuna never did that and died a lump of flesh. And honestly it's not humiliating or pathetic. At first glance it did seem like with him becoming a slime but he didn't die begging for his life rather still being the no 1 hater and his pride mostly intact (he did looked overwhelmed but when after 1000 years you actually lose it's given) also as hypocritcal as ever (mocking Yuji and others for fearing death but he himself felt that too) His death was neither like a glorious warrior nor truly pathetic like Mahito's. For me he just...had a simple and quick death. Though Yuji holding his remains and finally telling him something that he always unconsciously craved for was very bittersweet maybe this is what Yuji had told him on their stroll time things could've been...better? His 'you're me' moved me honestly. They both are the different sides of a coin. It was sad how Sukuna (the man who never cared for any identification or title) for the first time out of everything chose to identify as a...curse really showed how hollow his sense of self was actually. But no matter how much Sukuna denied it he was still...a human not a god not a curse and he died as such and with the only family he ever had at that (maybe if you see he died in the hands of the only family he ever had) and though a direct parallel to Mahito it wasn't hate that Yuji felt and I think neither pity but empathy genuine empathy. Wishing a place where Sukuna could get someone like he had his grandfather, Gojo had Geto and Megumi had Him....

Rip Ryomen Sukuna very few other characters had me itch my brain with their duality.

[foolsocracy]

Now having watched Frankenstein (1931) I find this really interesting. I didn't really expect the writers themselves to have watched the film; I assumed they saw it was a horror film released in Pete's time and included it with the bonus that the audience would know the story because its Frankenstein. It really aligns with the themes of spider noir though, so I'm second guessing myself.

I read Frankenstein a while back so I'm not as familiar with it as I once was, but I'd say its generous to say the movie is based off of the original novel. It hits some of the points but it really is different. I mean, in the film its Henry Frankenstein, not even Victor.

In the film, the monster is played almost-infantile. He reaches out towards light as if he could grab it. He plays with a little girl by a lake, throwing in flowers to watch them float like boats. When he kills her, it's an accident. How could he have known that she wouldn't float along with the flowers? Its Frankenstein and his assistant who are portrayed as monstrous. They lock him in the dark for three days. The intimidate him with fire and whips and fists.

Despite this, its Frankenstein who gets the 'good end,' while the monster is left to burn alive, pinned inside a wooden mill set alight by the townspeople.

Pete could have gotten nightmares from a number of scenes. Although I wouldn't personally say this is a scary film, there are definitely unnerving parts. There was also a different standard in 1931 for what was scary in film, plus Pete was already living a hard life at such a young age when he saw it.

Based on the panels themselves it is clear that Pete was scared of the monster itself (which is fair, the make up and costuming wanted him to be frightening). "I expected him to tell me there's no such thing as monsters," because no one in real life is a resurrected, looming... once-man-now-creature. (Just you wait, Peter). It's a more juvenile read of the film but Pete is a kid. Ben though, is a veteran, a socialist, has been around the block. He has the sense to analyze the film and interpret it differently. It is the men who find themselves with a capacity for senseless cruelty that are the monsters. That is exactly what the noir comics are about.

I really like that it's clear that Uncle Ben knows what Peter is about to learn. It also shows how much Pete has changed, just within the 1-2 years since he'd seen Frankenstein.

[ifellintothestyx]

Shen Qingqiu's immediate and persisting hostility towards Shang Qinghua was absolutely called for bcs if I was ever transmigrated into Bungo Stray Dogs as Mori Ougai and my survival hinged on making everyone un-hate this pedophilic sociopath while being in character as a pedophilic sociopath, and then I overhear, one sunny day, the Lemon Guy muttering to himself, "This isn't how I wrote him," the speed at which I would turn my head would break the sound barrier. I would rip him to shreds, legitimate faults be damned. This man has doomed me to a painful and perhaps deserved demise, considering that this is Mori fucking Ougai, and who else exactly could I take this fury out on?

[caeslxys]

here's the thing. laudna would have stopped it. if she knew delilah was about to fracture the gnarlrock. if she could parse her own feelings from hers.

and here's the thing. imogen has been plagued by nightmares for a decade. and this rock is the first bit of solace outside of her trust in laudna that she has ever had.

and laudna was just involved in shattering it. this tiny bit of solace.

and. here's the thing: laudna would've stopped it.

and. here's the thing. imogen would've stopped it. the only reason imogen didn't go is because she was specifically afraid that she would attempt to intervene and ruin their relationship with the volition before it ever began.

and here's the thing. liliana set out 25+ years ago specifically to spare her daughter. and that seemingly has not ever wavered as her core motivation. but people keep being drawn to the moon. kids keep being drawn towards the moon. and liliana is a mother. she was a mother before she ever knew she was an exaltant.

for 25+ years she has worked to "cure" imogen. the only solace she probably ever received was in at least attempting to console the kids who found themselves lured in by her same pull.

liliana begs imogen not say that they may have to kill each other. she breaks at hearing imogen's resolve. but there's kids, imogen. there's kids here. imogen. she can't leave. she's a mom.

and, here's the thing: imogen's her daughter. the daughter liliana left. or tried to leave. the daughter she only had through dreams. and imogen is working with the volition. and imogen has been her sole drive for 25+ years.

and imogen might have just been involved in shattering the little solace she might have ever had.

and, here's the thing: imogen would've stopped them.

[justaz]

as much of a fan as i am of arthur falling head over heels for merlin in the lower town during their fight and knowing the entire time while merlin reluctant to admit he actually finds arthur sometimes pleasant to be around until like a year later when he's like "fuck i kinda like him as more than a friend" when he's actually in love with him,,, the alternative has been plaguing my mind recently.

merlin is like "aw man he sucks but destiny is destiny" until like around the poisoned chalice when merlin drinks the wine and falls unconscious and he's wondering to himself why he would do such a thing and like yeah nimueh probably cursed it so he would drink it but also he's not really that upset about it?? he's kinda relieved??? why???????? oh bc arthur didn't drink it so he's fine and alive and oh he's checking up on me and his voice is soft and not at all mocking or brash like normal and his hand is on my shoulder and my heart is racing and i'm blushing and his touch is so warm and- oh fuck. so merlin is like reluctant about feeling this way but makes his peace with it, hoping that one day it'll just fizzle out. but the thing is: it doesn't. merlin continues to fall deeper and deeper in love with arthur and it just becomes a part of him like his magic. it's a simple fact. he has blue eyes, he has black hair, he has magic, he's in love with arthur. it becomes intertwined with his very being and he can't imagine ever not loving arthur.

meanwhile, arthur is fond and protective of him idiotic, bumbling servant. he's also a good friend not that arthur would ever call him that but anyways arthur keeps him safe bc if it weren't for him, the fool would trip over air and impale himself on his own thumb. so arthur grows more fond and protective of merlin as the series progresses and yeah at some point he finds it in himself to murmur the word friend to merlin but he blames that on the wine and the late hour. then he finds out merlin has magic and it hurts. arthur isn't entirely sure why either but he knows it hurts to be around merlin, to hear him, to see him, but it also hurts to be apart. so he swallows it all down and sits with merlin to lay it all out. anyway time skip and he sees merlin as he truly is without all the hiding and lying and the fondness and protectiveness just continues to grow and grow and grow. he watches merlin cast spells and watches his eyes light up gold and gods isn't he just beautiful. no wait- okay he's in love and gods is he fucked because now he can't managed a damn sentence around the man and morning and evenings are torturous in the best way. merlin bodily dragging him out of bed, his touch never leaving as he strips him of his night clothes and dresses him for the day and sits him down at the table before sharing stealing his breakfast. at night he's much slower as he strips arthur, his fingers dragging across his skin and his words spoken low and soft. the sweet heat in his blood isn't new but the force of it almost knocks him on his ass.

just merlin being his usual enamored self while arthur is flooded with these feelings he couldn't name before but now that he knows just what they are, they lodge in his throat and block his words from escaping him, they block air from filling his lungs, and they keep blood from flowing through his brain. arthur shutting down while merlin is oblivious and concerned and pressing his hands to arthur's face and pulse and leaning in close and asking all these questions as his eyes shine with worry and this isn't helping-

disaster!arthur x oblivious!merlin is actually my new favorite dynamic. forget what i said at the beginning. this is it.

[canisalbus]

AU where there is some sort of zombie-like (maybe something like a rabid vampirism?)

Where one of the boys is bit/infected and desperately wants the other to join them, while also wanting to resist?

.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

Me reading the description of episode 30: oh, that's fine! that's not so bad! i can deal with that!

Me after listening to episode 30:

[booplesnotts-art]

Teehee

The way she looks at Ada sometimes is so>>🖤🖤

(Little wip I probably won’t finish but I just love her and needed to share that again)

[lightbulb-warning]

so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I've been thinking about how Vash always seems to be hungry. Or at least, that he's shown eating quite often in the manga. Happily having his salmon sandwiches. Eating an entire box of donuts in the side car. Knowing the conversion rate of bullets to pizza. Seeing a flower and immediately wondering if it's edible. Pondering his life over breakfast. It's a really cute little character detail about him - he likes food.

But then I kind of started to think about the angel arm and its specific brand of destruction. How there were no bodies to be recovered. Nothing but a crater left of July, left on the Fifth Moon. It's all been incinerated. Devoured, even. Tristamp takes it even a step further and makes the power something akin to a black hole - a yawning drain; a constant destructive hunger.

Vash is clearly terrified of this potential for destruction, and for very good reason. But it's not separate from him as some kind of "power he can't control" - it's his arm. It's literally his arm. It is him. Vash is scared of himself, scared of losing control. He does what he can to repress it, even subconsciously (the gaps in his memory whenever it activates). He can't control it in the moment, so he takes steps to preemptively push it down, to avoid the use of his abilities entirely, to hide himself away.

I talked a bit in a previous post about how there are probably several interrelated reasons for Vash's chronically avoidant behaviour, but I'd like to throw one more into the ring and suggest that it's not just a matter of not deserving to want things, but maybe also that he's afraid of wanting. That if he allows himself to even think about what he wants personally that he'll want too much, take too much, and that the only cure in his mind for this is to give and give repeatedly.

I wonder how starved he is for love. Vash loves hard, after all. Once he loves (and I’m not talking about the broad, distant love/compassion he has in general), for better or worse, he carries them around with him forever, long after they've passed. Does he feel like it'd be selfish to admit this kind of want? His love isn't really a passive thing after all - it's the drive at his very core; a mournful inferno he is just barely suppressing. Does he remember how to love in a way that doesn't consume him entirely?

Is that part of the reason he checks out at signs of intimacy? Diverts gifts towards others? Tends to accept kind gestures only when under an assumed name? Intentionally starves himself in Tristamp? Runs and runs and runs? Is he afraid he won't be able to stop hungering? That allowing himself to want means his want will become insatiable?

I just have to wonder how much of his avoidance of connection is being scared that he will cause more destruction (to them? or to him?) by trying to take far too much into his hands than he ever caused by turning his back and running.

...of course I may just be entirely deranged here sorry.