#i feel anxious and depressed and on the verge of a panic attack and on the verge of tears

[caffeinatedopossum]

When I had that panic attack the other day, my girlfriend really put some things into perspective... I don't know, I think I feel bad because this is the best my life has ever been and I'm still depressed and anxious. It feels like I can't do anything for myself and the things I can do, I don't.

But she said that she would feel the same in my position. That actually, when she was the most depressed, she *was* in my position. She said she'd go crazy from not being able to do anything all the time and for some reason that helped a lot. Like, just to hear that its not wrong to feel like this and that I really am doing everything I can.

It feels so greedy and selfish to look at my life being the best it's ever been and to still ask for more but I guess it's normal.

[sakebytheriver]

...

[musamora]

— 𝖐𝖎𝖘𝖘 𝖒𝖞 𝖙𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖘 𝖆𝖜𝖆𝖞.

from anonymous: hello, can i request dazai and fyodor hc's for an insecure s/o?

pairing(s): osamu dazai & fyodor dostoevsky (bungou stray dogs) x f!reader

content warnings: body insecurity, depression, minor partner neglect, protective characters, mentioned nudity, implied/referenced sexual content, social anxiety, panic attacks. implied/referenced murder

author's note: it's good to be back ٩(•͈ ꇴ •͈)و ̑̑❀

summary: these two demons comfort their insecure and anxious partner.

would you like to see more? join the taglist or comment under this post!

These two intelligent masterminds are often preoccupied with plans and schemes, building the world up as the other breaks it apart. However, throughout all their similarities and differences, there is one weakness to their routine stoicism and impassivity.

And that weakness was you.

𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐔 𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 ✧･ﾟ: ━

It had been a long day of slaving over papers at your desk within the confines of the Armed Detective Agency. You had practically been slumped over, hands aching from writing thousands of signatures on the lines of recent accident reports, your wrist slowly dragging until the letters were unrecognizable as a name.

It felt like you had transformed into the worst version of yourself — exhausted, agitated, depressed. And to make matters even worse, you hadn't had an interaction with Dazai that surpassed a handful of pleasantries for days. He had been plagued with missions for the past week, leaving him out beyond regular twilight hours, with his only remaining time used to catch up on sleep. You didn't blame him, though you were surprised to see him so dedicated, but you couldn't help but miss the simpler times when you would silently cuddle and revel in the affection of one another, tangled in each other's arms as you wished to be nowhere else. And with the loneliness came the insecurities.

"Oh, my dearest honey-pie!" Dazai called from across the office; the rest of your co-workers are already accustomed to his high-energy hijinks. He had returned after another mission, though it was luckily a much easier case than the previous.

You sighed, your smile not quite reaching your eyes as you glanced up from the text you had read a thousand times over, turning to the man leaping over like a bunny. But he stopped mid-hop, sliding over with a blank expression as he seemed to inwardly glitch.

"Osamu? Is something wrong?" you mumbled the question through drowsy lips, eyes barely able to concentrate as you felt on the verge of passing out. His eyes narrowed, those beautiful chocolate-brown irises scanning your face with a hum.

"Let's head home early today," he suggested, his large hand pressing against your back, swallowing his frown as he massaged the tense muscles. "Sound good, dear?"

He could immediately tell that something was bothering you, already linking it to his recent absences — he won't admit that he was quite flattered. However, his beloved feeling insecure and unsure of herself is an immediate no-no. And knowing him, he'd address it through a varied expression of pouts and his stern but gentle reassurances.

A part of him cannot believe that you're insecure — not because he doesn't understand the concept, because he logically knows most people will feel insecure once in their life. It's just that, out of the two of you, he feels that he doesn't deserve you and has to constantly remind himself that you chose him. But because he understands your feelings, he is amazing at identifying the origins of any specific insecurities — and pray for the health of anyone who tries to add to them. He was proclaimed the Demon Prodigy for a reason.

Are you insecure about your body? In complete honesty, Dazai believes that the stars were taken from your leftover pieces — someone created so beautifully that they needed to remove parts of you in order to humanize you. You were always a benevolent goddess in his eyes. 

So watch you glare at yourself in the reflection of the mirror, eyes raking your nude form with utter hatred and disgust as you thumb at stretchmarks and pull at flesh with eyes like blades, daring to sever them off your body, twisted his heart in sorrow. How could you not possibly see how ethereal you were?

In those moments, he wanted to walk into the room, replace your hands with his own adoring ones, and show you the way to appreciate your body as he did. To make you cry in pleasure as he forced you to look at your own lovely expressions, to melt. 

But he knows that isn't always what you need — that it isn't always the best idea to point out your insecurities in such a way. So, instead, he waits. In the dead of night, when you are snuggled in your shared bed under the moonlight, his warm, large hands run underneath your pajamas, leaving sleepy kisses across your sensitive skin as soft giggles were drawn out from your lips as he painted your shoulders, neck, thighs — anywhere he could reach.

"Oh, my sweet darlin'. Your radiance knows no bounds."

Do you have insecurities in social situations? He understands the origins of your anxiety — your world can be incredibly overwhelming — and he is very sympathetic. Whenever you're out together, he watches like a hawk for any possible triggers, checking in occasionally to make sure you're comfortable and calm.

His immediate reaction whenever you've become overwhelmed is to lead you out and away from the situation. Once he has picked up on your tense breathing and nervous expression, he responds accordingly and guides you somewhere to calm down. However, especially with an occupation like yours, that isn't possible. If he isn't able to get you out of the situation, he'll try to be physically near you in some way, resting a hand on your shoulder or back, bracing you in case your knees buckle.

If you still end up having a panic attack, he responds with uncanny and seemingly atypical seriousness, either ushering you away or eliminating the source of your anxiety before drawing you into his arms, acting like a human, weighted blanket as he whispers sweet nothings into your ears, rocking you back-and-forth as he encourages you to match his breathing.

After these attacks, he'd be glued to your side even more than he normally is. Most believe he is simply being obnoxious, but he is always closely looking at your expression and body language, ensuring that you don't dip into another panic.

"It's okay, honey. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere."

And are you insecure about your relationship itself? If he was honest with himself, he would know the exact reason you'd have insecurities within your relationship. He was never known as the most committed, straightforward, or bluntly loving person towards anyone. He is a flirt and a fool, and at the beginning of the relationship, that never changed when you got together.

However, once he realized the way his behavior made you withdraw into yourself — the sorrow in your eyes when he'd leave in the middle of the night, the way you bit your tongue whenever he flirted with another woman — he finally stopped and took a look in the mirror. You were the best thing that could've ever happened to him, and the fact that his own actions were causing you pain broke his heart. So, for the second time in his life, he changed for a person — for the better.

He stopped flirting with women almost altogether unless a mission required it, focusing each of his cheesy one-liners and proposals to you. But his actions aren't always that obvious. It can be shown through the simple glances he makes towards you throughout the day, engaging you in silly conversations, or holding your hand with his non-dominant one as he pretends to fill out paperwork, mind focused on the patterned taps of phrases in your palm.

And he makes sure, whenever he sees you start to withdraw again, he goes out of his way to take care of you the same way you always lovingly took care of him. Whether that's through going out on a date, staying in to watch movies, or partaking in steamy activities is up to you.

"I've heard that a new restaurant opened up nearby, beautiful. Wanna go?"

𝐅𝐘𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑 𝐃𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐄𝐕𝐒𝐊𝐘 ✧･ﾟ: ━

You hadn't seen Fyodor the entire week.

He had been far too busy planning his next scheme, crammed in his office at his organization's headquarters, far underground in a place that you couldn't locate — he refused to let you be involved in his plans or with the people under his command. So, instead, you had been stuck within your menial routine, waking up to an empty bed, going to work at your exhausting job, and returning to your barren home.

You dropped your stuff unceremoniously onto the coffee table, slumping onto the couch with a groan as your face smushed into the cushions. Not an inch of your body was able to be moved, only turning to cover yourself with a blanket after a couple of minutes, willing yourself not to cry, allowing the soft fabric to swallow you whole. You couldn't even turn on the television despite your hatred for the silence, finding the only shows or movies featured couples relishing their time together, blissfully ignorant to all struggle or strife.

You were becoming a shell of your former self with each passing moment, burrowing further into your body as any happy emotion turned to melancholy, only wanting to hear his voice again. The house was too big for you to remain in alone, and you wouldn't be surprised if the echoes of it creaking onto its foundation made you slowly go mad.

You barely stirred as the front door clicked open, a brief question of whether you locked it coming to mind, but you couldn't find the will to care. Someone circled the room before they approached your body, nimble hands nudging the blanket to get a view of your face.

"Good evening, моя милая," he whispered, breaking the empty air as he traced the tense creases of your eyes.

You melted into his affections, practically nuzzling into his hand, but even those touches didn't seem to be enough to appease your troubled mind. He would only leave, allowing you to wallow in your own anxiety for another week or longer. The black-haired man frowned at your less-than-enthused reaction, twirling the strands of your tangled locks with eyes that you hoped you weren't misconstruing as concern.

"I'll make us some tea, hm?"

Just like Dazai, Fyodor was immediately able to tell that something was wrong the moment he walked through the door. But unlike Dazai, he remains observant, not immediately jumping to comfort and cradle you without analyzing the origins and best possible solution to your current insecurities. And if the source of your insecurities came from someone in particular, he would be quick to eliminate them with uncharacteristic impatience and swiftness. 

Because out of all the people on this planet, his perfect other half is not allowed to feel anything but uncontrollably adored.

To him, you are incandescent and divine, above everyone else. So, the fact you have insecurities based on such small, seemingly inconsequential flaws bewilders him. He can be harsh and blunt in his statements, but it's only because he sees you so highly. You are his equal in every way possible.

Are you insecure about your body? Fyodor has a fondness for beauty; it is no secret. He stares upon magnificent pieces of art and illustrative manuscripts of writing with fondness, but it never compares to the way he gazes upon your face. You are the most enchanting woman he has ever laid his eyes upon, even throughout his lengthy travels across the continent — and the notion that you think otherwise disturbs him.

You seem to be so utterly unaware of your own natural allure, too caught up in the smallest components of your appearance to understand that, as a whole, you were a masterpiece unrivaled by all. Too busy prying yourself apart, oblivious to the radiance that followed in your every step.

You are the all-encompassing vision of natural appeal and charm, a sight he partially wished could be replicated across the ends of the earth. But he understands the reason that is impossible. You were born to be swathed in adoration, intimately by him alone, even if he was too proud to admit it. He always became soft-hearted to your lovely smile, such a simplistic expression that stirred his heart in ways never before seen.

He would initially remedy these insecurities through his gifts to you, luxurious silks and soft velvets sewn into clothes that perfectly draped over your figure. Simple accessories that only complement your features.

And his touches would begin to linger, especially surrounding the parts of yourself that you are most insecure about. Sometimes, he waits until you're almost asleep, eyes hazy with lethargy, and he traces your beauty marks and freckles — anything that you perceive as a flaw, caressed with meticulous adoration and devotion.

"Прекрасный, любимая моя. Прекрасный."

Do you have social insecurities? Fyodor would study the roots of your social anxiety, watching every reaction you'd have towards people or noises when you two would be together in public, feeling the way you hold his arm tight like a vice, brows furrowed as you attempted to withhold your panic. 

He knows certain elements of situations can be worrisome and cause your pretty mind to overthink, often fearful for the safety of yourself or others. Perhaps it was another trait that drew him towards you; such a human trait it is, that unwavering compassion. And he couldn't help but find it somewhat cute the way you clung onto him, though that's a hint of his pride talking. You are completely capable of defending and protecting yourself, but he doesn't think you should have to do it alone.

He responds to any panic accordingly, although not necessarily by straight-up calming you. With his intelligence and ability to pinpoint your fears, he can quell them with facts, although if he can tell logic won't work, he'll resort to calming you with discrete, simple whispers and light touches, leading you out of the situation as a final fallback.

However, if someone is threatening your safety, he can quickly take care of them through his wit (and a bit of his ability). The audacity someone has to even attempt to bring harm to your happiness and person makes his blood boil. But the fact that they're idiotic to mess with someone under his protection is almost laughable, and they'll soon learn the consequences of their transgressions.

"Don't worry about that scum, любимая. I'll take care of them."

And the basis of any of your insecurities surrounding your relationship itself, he realizes, to his utter dismay, is probably due to his air of outward coldness and apathy. You are his complementary match, understanding his exact thoughts from the smallest changes in his demeanor, drawing out the tiniest trickles of his affections from seemingly minuscule actions. But sometimes that isn't enough — understanding does not equal comprehension. 

Certain assumptions through the lens of your own inadequacies, however tiny they may be, shift your view on position and importance in his life. And he will have absolutely none of that.

Fyodor is rarely so straightforward with his love, even in the moments when you are both completely alone — and that doesn't initially change much. However, he is ever-so-slightly more obvious — blunter with his words, letting his touches linger, scheduling his time with you. 

And he purposefully leaves clues of his love in plain sight, inconspicuous letters left partially peeking out of drawers, Cyrillic letters drawn across the paper in intricate swoops, waiting for you to translate their true meaning. Of course, you'll have to work for it, but isn't the result all the more sweeter. He may be too prideful to admit it to your face, besides in the hours where you can barely comprehend thought, but he is and always will be completely enamored and devoted to you.

"Ты просматриваешь мои письма, любимая моя? Какой у тебя блестящий ум."

𝗥𝗨𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗔𝗡 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗦𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 —

моя милая = my dear прекрасный, любимая моя. прекрасный. = beautiful, my darling. beautiful. любимая = darling ты просматриваешь мои письма, любимая моя? какой у тебя блестящий ум. = are you looking through my letters, my love? what a brilliant mind you have.

taglist: @imhandicapableofmath @seisitive @hauntedsol @ruru-kiss @ishqani @zyilas @lovesick-fairy @fedyascoffin @aquigglewigglewoo @kotysluny

© 𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋 2023 — do not repost or modify my works for any reason. do not steal graphics w/o explicit permission. reblogs are appreciated.

[ravenssilver]

(part four of my untilted—now titled—unintentional aeon series)

Until you find me hiding, silently I wait.

1.7k words of aeon just trying to survive. it’s harder on tour than he thought it would be..

cw: aeon being anxious, foraging food, mentions of quintosis used as a defense (in the pit), aeon’s still depressed

part one part two part three

under the cut<3

“Where’s Aeon?”

Swiss looked over at Rain, his eyebrows furrowed.

“What do you mean?” Swiss asked, feeling his stomach twist up at the thought of Aeon being missing.

“I mean he missed head count, isn’t on the bus, and I can’t find him anywhere in the venue,” Rain responded, his long, unglamoured tail flicking nervously.

“Shit..” Swiss hissed.

Aeon did a quick check of the halls to make sure nobody was around before he snuck back into the green room of the venue.

Aeon immediately went for the snack table, picking at his nails that looked more human due to his glamor. They clicked every time he pulled at them, though he quickly began gathering up as much of the leftover snacks as he could, leaving him unable to fidget.

Aeon always felt like a second thought at the ministry when it came to meals, his plate always being filled with what looked like scraps. Though, while on tour, he didn’t really feel like he was given much thought at all.

There was always too little food at the venue provided lunch, the snack supply was full of things he knew the other ghouls loved, but nobody had ever asked him what he wanted to have in the green rooms—which, he only knew that the ghouls were asked because he heard Mountain talking about it with Copia.

Aeon felt guilty as he stuffed his pockets with Goldfish, granola bars, and a few other snacks that he had never seen before.

Probably requested by Cirrus, the new ones. She was always talking about some sort of new food she had heard about.

Just as Aeon had gotten all the food he could into his arms and pockets, he turned to leave the green room, only to hear Swiss running down the hall while talking to someone else.

Aeon squeaked in surprise, his survival instincts to protect the food he felt he had to forage safe on full blast. He rushed over to a nearby cabinet, putting his flexibility to use as he climbed inside and quickly shut the door.

It was extremely cramped due to all the food he had tucked to his body. Luckily, he still had some airflow due to the vented door. Aeon peaked through the vent, his lilac eyes shining with instinctual fear through his glamor.

His anxiety was on full blast, his mind fogging over with awful memories of the Pit. Hiding to survive, using his quintessence to lead other ghouls away from him with a faux scent trail.

Melting their brain when they found him anyway.

The door to the green room flung open and Aeon watched an unglamoured Swiss and Rain rush into the room.

Aeon stiffened, curling around the food he had managed to scrape together for himself for the three travel days the band had ahead of them.

His mind clouded over even more as thoughts of being found made him dizzy. Aeon took a deep, shaky breath in and began tapping his thumb against each of his fingers in a specific pattern.

Pointer, ring, middle, pinky—pointer, ring, middle, pinky—pointer, ring, mid-

“Unholy Father, where is he?!” Swiss exclaimed, clearly on the verge of a panic attack.

Aeon jolted, his eyes darting away from his fingers and back out to the room through the vented opening, determined to keep his eyes on the two ghouls.

“Swiss, calm down, we’ll find him. You can smell him, right?” Rain asked, knowing Swiss was the only one who had been close enough to memorize the little Quint’s scent.

Aeon quietly scented the air, smelling burnt gasoline and something resembling sewage water.

His eyebrows furrowed.

Who are they looking for? Aeon thought to himself, oblivious. Why are they scared?

“Yeah… yeah, it’s a lot stronger in here.” Swiss muttered, smelling the air. “He should be here! It’s too strong for him not to be,” Swiss exasperated, wincing as he tried running his fingers through his curly hair, only to snag it almost immediately.

“It’s okay. He must’ve just left. C’mon, we can find him,” Rain soothed, pulling Swiss’ hand from his own hair and guiding him out of the green room.

Aeon waited for a moment or two before he slowly crawled out of the cabinet, making sure to be dead silent incase someone he couldn’t sense was nearby.

As soon as he determined the coast was clear, Aeon darted off, making a B-line to the tour bus.

Swiss and Rain had split up after about 10 minutes of searching. Rain decided to check the venue again as Swiss raced for the bus, clumsily clambering up the steps and looking around in a panic.

Dew looked over, his eyebrows furrowed when he smelled Swiss’ panic. The fire ghoul was holding a smoking joint, Mountain rolling another one next to him.

“Where’s Aeon??” Swiss asked, looking at Mountain. He completely disregarded Dew, not in the mood for the fire ghoul’s snarkiness towards the new quintessence of their pack.

Mountain gestured to the door that separated the living and kitchenette area from the bunks.

“Everything okay?” Mountain asked, Dew seeming weirdly worried for Aeon, considering how much he voiced his distaste for the ghoul.

Swiss didn’t answer Mountain and still paid no mind to Dew, rushing to the bunks. He slammed the door behind him and rushed to Aeon’s bunk, ripping the flimsy privacy curtain open.

Aeon yelped and quickly grabbed his blanket, shoving it into the corner to hide a pile of something that Swiss didn’t see. Aeon hissed and snarled, gaining an agitated posture, his back slightly arched like a cat as his tail went rigid.

“H-Hey! Hey, it’s okay, relax..” Swiss said immediately, letting go of the privacy curtain and holding his hands up in defense.

Aeon’s pupils were slits, his eyes searing into Swiss’ form as he growled lowly, slowly moving his pillow to the corner that he had shoved his blanket in.

“It’s okay, Stardust.. you’re okay…” Swiss said softly lowering his hands and gently placing one on the thin mattress of Aeon’s bunk. The young Quint snarled and put it body in front of the corner where all of his bedding was.

Swiss’ eyebrows furrowed as he realized Aeon was in fight or flight. Choosing fight, oddly enough.

“Aeon, calm down. I won’t go anywhere you don’t want me too. Stop curling up like that, you’re going to hurt your back,” Swiss frowned as he kept his hand on the mattress but didn’t move any closer.

Aeon just grumbled and curled up some more, making Swiss hear the sound of a bag crinkling. Swiss’ eyebrows furrowed but he didn’t say anything, wanting so desperately for Aeon to trust him.

Aeon stared deep into Swiss’ eyes, the multi-ghoul practically watching as Aeon’s resolve crumbled and the adrenaline from his fight or flight washed away.

The little quint sniffled and curled into himself, hiding his face from Swiss as he began to cry. He sounded like a distressed kit who had either been caught doing something wrong, or had too much baggage for their poor heart.

Swiss immediately climbed into Aeon’s bunk, staying away from the corner that Aeon was hiding something in. Swiss brought Aeon into his arms, his heart breaking as Aeon snuffled loudly and began sobbing.

Aeon smelled different to Swiss, but he also smelled the same in a way that was different from the rest of the pack.

Aeon usually smelled like smoked ozone, a smell that Swiss would usually attribute to an upset ghoul, but he couldn’t remember Aeon smelling any differently. Now, Aeon’s scent was what Swiss thought of when he imagined the end of the world—Armageddon, if it were to ever happen.

Toxic, polluted air, rotten food, an atmosphere burning away due to nuclear warfare, death…

Grief.

Tears of his own welled in Swiss’ eyes as he realized just how broken the ghoul in his arms was. A soft sob bubbled in his throat and he buried his face into Aeon’s shoulder, wishing that he could snap his fingers and make the young Quint’s loneliness disappear.

He watched the little ghoul, his eyebrows furrowed as he watched how Aeon tapped his thumb against his fingers in a pattern that Swiss didn’t understand.

That didn’t matter. He had Aeon in his arms and he was never letting go.

The two ghouls cried together, both comforting and wallowing in their own pain. Eventually, the two cried each other to sleep, Swiss’ body acting as a shield against the world for Aeon.

“Have you seen Swiss since he came bounding in here?” Rain asked Dew as they hung out on the couch in the living area of the bus.

“No. Figured you’d go check on him eventually.” Dew shrugged. “Could you? My legs hurt,” Rain pouted playfully, knowing he was the only one who was able to make Dew stand up after show.

“You’re damn lucky I love you.” Dew grumbled, pressing a kiss to Rain’s forehead before he stood up, stalking off to the bunks were the rest of the pack was sleeping on their respective tiers.

Dew slightly pulled back the privacy curtain on Swiss’ bunk, his eyebrows furrowing when he didn’t see the ghoul. Dew shuffled down the aisle and went on his toes, peaking behind the curtain of Mountain’s bunk.

The earth ghoul looked over from his book, raising an eyebrow at Dew.

“Swiss?” Dew whispered, his tail flicking slightly. Mountain hummed and shook his head. “I’ve been hearing him snoring. He’s in here somewhere,” Mountain whispered back, setting his book down and pulling back his privacy curtain, watching Dew scent the air, looking for Swiss.

Though, before Dew even got the slightest idea of where Swiss’ scent, tinged with a bit of distress, was coming from, he heard his telltale snoring from a certain Quint’s bunk.

Dew stiffened and walked over to the bunk, slightly ignoring how Mountain was hissing at him not to cause a scene. Dew pulled the privacy curtain back, his body going rigid when he saw Aeon’s tear stained face buried into Swiss’ shoulder, said multi-ghoul curled around Aeon in the most protective hold he had ever seen from Swiss.

And with a closer look, he realized Swiss’ face was also stained with tears.

Dew slowly looked over at Mountain, his golden orange eyes wide.

[blonde-tori-spring555]

ugh i hate when i feel on the verge of a panic attack

imma rant for a sec soz, u dont have to read the whole thing

...

im just so stressed rn, with school, family, friends and ive got like two auditions i need to prepare for and tbh i just feel anxious for no reason, i feel like im getting 'bad' again, like were i was just in my room and doing the same thing everyday and my brain hated that, and i just felt numb, like i dont think im depressed or anything like idk, i feel like i should explain what happened to originally make me feel like this, i wont go into full detail ect, but yeh

basically i was friends with this girl (we met at performing arts classes) and she i guess never rlly treated me amazing and was always slightly werid for example (not saying this is weird but from the way she is irl and they way she sounded seemed strange) so last year i was facetiming her and i was like "oh btw ive got a bf now", and she kinda seemed a bit Awkard, like her smile faded and she was just kinda like "oh thats great for u" a bit numbly (i should probs mention she isnt straight and for all ik she is bi) and then instantly changes the subject to "oh btw i was thinking of asking out-" and yeh we talked about it, anyway i spoke to my mum how i thought it was a bit weird and my mum said "oh hahaha maybe she has a crush on u" and im (pretty sure im) straight so like i didnt know how to react, anyway fast forward she started to act rlly weird and yeh, like kinda being a bit dramatic about stuff, anyway one week, this was in October, i didnt rlly text her because i was rlly busy, i was hanging out with my school friends and stuff, and i wanna say she could of text me and i would of responded, maybe not right away but i would of told her i was a bit busy if she had asked, but no, one of our friends told us she was upset that i hadnt been texting her and that i should, yk so i did, and she didnt respond, then she left our performing arts gc (with our friends in it from there) so i asked her why and two days later she responded saying she felt she didnt fit it, and at this point i was kinda sick of this drama so i was by choice not gonna text her for a few days and take care of myself, then one day while at school she send me a fucking video (like a capcut edit) basically calling me and my friends from theatre bad friends, and saying i need to send it to them, anyway i didnt and we told the woman that owns our company, and btw my mum knew the whole time, from when she started acting strange, and my mum was saying to the woman that owned the company, that she will call the poice if needed and if it has been sent out and posted (the video had my face in it), then she text me calling my mum stupid and calling me stupid so i blocked her, and after that i told her we are not friends and to leave me alone, then in December i repeated we are not friends but im not sitting here being pissed anymore so like forget about the shit and move on BUT WE ARE NOT FRIENDS, anyway this bs has been dragged on for like 5-6 months and she fucking keeps harassing me to the point ive had to block her on all platforms. anyway yeh :)

[ashplayz]

Father John from the movie the countdown x reader (chapter 1)

(Warning mentions of suicide depression, abuse and death and, well demons. Also some 13+ moments 😏 (spoilers from the movie) (I finished a pt 2 to this but I might need to re write it because there's talk of a sequel)

Y/n waited in line at the phone store, very anxious. A blonde girl was freaking out about an app "What the hell is this, why is it on there!?" Quinn asked "I don't know, did you download it?" The phone guy that already made you uncomfortable asked " How could I have done that when you just turned it on!?" Quinn said "alright you can just delete it-" he started saying Quinn snatched the phone "It won't let you delete it!" Quinn said as she left A Black guy matt cut in line "Hey what app was she talking about!?" He said you felt sick to your stomach because…you knew..

You soon came to know the names of Matt and Quinn and the 3 of you went to a bar to discuss a way to escape this.. "What I wanna know is why us" Quinn questions, you stared off into space you knew why this was happening to you.. Because you wanted to die you wanted to stop hurting.. But not like this.. "Well because we downloaded it" Matt responded "Well other people download it and find out there living to be 100"... Matt managed to convince some drunk conspiracy theorist to download it so the 3 of you could look at the user agreement.. 'User will accept his or her fate any attempt to alter the users fate will result in breach of users agreement' "Accept the terms of our fate.." You repeated.. "Wait, I was supposed to take a trip tomorrow. But the app said that was when I was going to die so I canceled it" Matt said. "I canceled something too a trip with my sister and my dad" Quinn said…

You stayed quiet.. You had been spiraling for some time ever since your parents died.. You couldn't forgive them for what they did to you. You blamed yourself for your mother's suicide after your father died.. You had been contemplating it yourself.. So you knew how you would have died.. If you didn't breach the user agreement.. "So no matter what we do were going to die when this says.." Matt said.. This brought tears to your eyes.. You didn't want to die.. Not really.. But you wanted to stop hurting.. But there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel for you and you were tired of treading through the darkness in search of one..

(Time skip)

You Quinn and Matt decided to go to the hospital Quinn worked at to go talk to a priest in hopes he could help.. But he wasn't very helpful. But he directed the 3 of you to an actual church with someone who would be as he put it 'better qualified' to help. But before you could go to that church Quinn got called away by a staff member. Matt ended up going to the bathroom and left you alone in the waiting room.. That's when you saw.. You're mother.. But part of you knew it wasn't her "it's your fault you, mistake!!" Your mother said harshly to you.. You couldn't help but feel tears roll down your face.. The image of your mother charged at you but you didn't even flinch.. You just closed your eyes and held your head in your hands.. On the verge of a panic attack as more tears fell down your face.. "You're not real" you whispered.. After a moment you opened your eyes and it was gone..

You quickly wiped your tears when you saw Matt come out of the bathroom shaken up.. "You saw something too..?" You asked him.. He sat next to you without saying a word but his eyes told you everything you needed to know.. You felt some comfort in knowing you weren't alone in this.. Then Quinn came back looking very upset and said the 3 of you were leaving.. You tried to ask what happened but she was pretty upset and you didn't want to upset her further..

(Time skip to the church)

You and Quinn and Matt came to the church and went into a back room and met the priest, father John.he was playing music you probably wouldn't expect to hear in a church and thought you guys were there for a grub hub order. He seemed very enthusiastic about the subject of demons and said it was the reason he worked as a priest in the first place.. You felt your heart flutter a little bit as he rambled on about how often demons were mentioned in the Bible apologizing for geeking out. He was charismatic and funny but somehow also managed to be charming.. You thought he had beautiful eyes that you felt like were boring into your soul.. But you shook yourself out of these thoughts 'y/n what is wrong with you you don't even know him' you thought to yourself..

*John's POV* I couldn't seem to stop staring at y/n She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen…I noticed she was shaking. She wasn't dressed very warm and it was slightly cold. I took off my coat/robe and put it over her shoulders. "You know this reminds me of a story-" I said then went on to tell them a story about a coward Prince who went to an old gypsy woman for help. "the gypsy woman said he would die so instead he sends his little brother into battle afterwards the coward prince went back to the Gypsy woman and swore the angel of death was coming for him but she assured him that what's coming for him now there's nothing natural about it it's the demon ozith but not to kill him to torment him up until the exact moment the Gypsy woman told him he would die" I said "Great…I didn't think I could feel any worse.." Matt said on the other hand y/n started breaking down terrified "I don't want to die!!" Y/n cried out "No one has to die we just have to beat the clock by one second" I said trying to comfort her..

John put his hand on y/n's shoulder.. Y/n couldn't help but blush.. "How are we supposed to do that this thing shows up and we're gonna say hang on I need a sec" Matt asked "That is exactly what we're going to do prayers can buy us some time" John said looking for a book "Have you ever done anything like this before?" Quinn asked "....no but I've read about it Alot!" John awncerd. Quinn and Matt looked like they didn't have much faith in him but you knew that if anyone could help. It was him..

"If I could only get a look at the code but that would mean you'd need to know someone who can hack into an app" John said "....I think I might" Quinn said looking at Matt "Where the heck is my GrubHub?" John said, causing you to chuckle.. He blushed at this..

(Time skip)

Quinn said Matt went to go find that phone guy John offered for you to stay with him because you said that guy made you uncomfortable (his GrubHub came) you and him ate together while he kept rambling on about demon stories from the bible you didn't mind tho you enjoyed his company and his stories were interesting. Then your phone made that horrible countdown notification sound. You checked it your numbers…they were going up! You would live till your 80s "Oh my god they did it! We're going to live!" You said finally feeling something other than crippling fear "Hallelujah!" John said very happy and without thinking he hugged you.. He was so close…. everything felt like it paused like it was only you and him in that moment…you weren't thinking straight and…you kissed him

He was shocked, you pulled away "I'm sorry I.. I didn't mean to kiss you…I I.. I just got caught up in the moment…I.." you said struggling to find the words he was so close to you…"Can.. Can you do it again…? If.. If you want I'm not forcing you.-!" He said you did without hesitation. He kissed back and soon slow kisses turned into a makeout session and it started to get heated…you two pulled apart painting "I wouldn't mind continuing if you don't.." You said quietly "I don't mind at all.. It's just.. I'm worried if we do we might take this too far.. I'm already starting to lose control.." He said still breathing hard you pushed yourself against him more "that doesn't bother me.. Unless it does you.." You said your lips inches from him you felt his hot breath.. He pulled you even closer "Then it doesn't bother me at all.." He whispered before kissing you again

After a moment he pulled away and asked in a gentle voice "Do you want to take this to my bedroom~?" You paused for a moment before chuckling lightly "You have a bedroom in the church..?" you asked him he simply just chuckled feeling a bit Embarrassed "Yeah.. W well.. I own the building and well I can't really afford rent in an apartment.." He said you laughed a bit "Does it not bother you that we're doing this in a church..?" You asked teasingly he got closer "People have done much worse things in a church.." He whispered, smiling slightly before you kissed him again. (OKAY WE'RE DONE HERE!)

(Time skip to after that!) ..

Both of you were panting trying to catch your breath.. "Wow.. That was .. Just wow.. Your… you're amazing.." He said turning to you, you felt yourself melt under his gaze.. "I could say the same to you.." You said… "Sooo are we like a thing now or.." You asked hoping this wouldn't just be a one night stand thing.. "I would absolutely love that!- I I mean if.. If you want that then-" he started but you cut him off with a kiss.. He pulled you close to him.. You were both smiling when you pulled apart.. "I would love that.." You reassured him..

After a moment of the two of you appreciating the quiet you noticed him staring at your scars.. Making you feel self conscious.. "Sorry about.. All the scars.. Pretty gross right..?" You asked jokingly to hide the embarrassment pulling the sheets over yourself.. "What!?" He asked surprised, sitting up quickly.. "No no I don't!- I don't think that at all! I- I think you are.. Incredibly beautiful.. I was just.. Wondering how you got so many scars.." He said going quieter at the end.. You sighed feeling the pain on your chest.. You saw no point in hiding it from him..

"My parents we're.. Not good people.. They were.. Abusive.. I ended up falling into depression because of them.. And they put me into an abusive mental hospital until I was 18.. Not long after I got out I met this guy.. Who.. Wasn't the greatest either but.. I convinced myself that it was okay because we loved each other.. Every time he hurt me he'd apologize and say he didn't mean it and I believed him.. He were together for.. Some time.." You said as tears silently fell down your face.. He looked like he could feel your pain.. He held you close to him wiping your tears.. "I am so sorry you had to go through that.. Know that I will never mistreat you like that.. If you love someone you should never hurt them.." He said as he kissed the top of your head.. You two went to sleep with his arms protectively wrapped around you..

(Time skip to late that night)

You woke up to your phone going off like crazy.. It startled you, causing you to fall off the bed.. John woke up in the process and saw you on the floor "Hey woah..! Are you alright!?" He asked as he was about to get up so he could help you off the floor. You grabbed your phone off of his nightstand and watched in horror as your numbers went down… "No no no no!! It went back to what it was!" You said panicking showing John.

Quinn and Matt along with Quinn's little sister Jordan showed up a little later. John went to answer the church door "Are you guys okay? Did you get the code? New girl.." I'll get a shirt on" (as you happened to be wearing his shirt ;)

(Time skip)

John read the code and you were surprised he could read Latin.. And he Disypherd that it was a curse and he said curses could be broken. So you all ended up making a protection circle after it was done the lights started flickering so all of you got into the circle soon after Matt's phone was making an ear bleeding sound everyone was covering their ears yelling over the sound to turn it off but then it was quiet…for you at least then you saw her your lover who was murdered…

you didn't tell John the whole story because you didn't want him to change his mind about you.. You came from a very christian family who believed that being gay was a sin and that you would burn in hell you happened to be bisexual…and you fell in love with your best friend…your parents didn't approve and "Taught you a lesson" your sweet girlfriend snuck in to see you and saw what they did she tried to call the police but…. your father pulled out a gun and shot her…. after that you were sent to the mental hospital…as your parents made sure no one believed you….

Your sweet girlfriend, your first love was standing there…part of you said not to fall for it that it wasn't her but you couldn't help but listen to her….she… she said it was your fault….it was all your fault and that your parents were right and that you should just give in so you can join her in hell…you started screaming and crying you tried to go to her…John stopped you holding you back as you screamed and cried he didn't see what you saw but he knew you were in pain…

Matt got dragged out by the demon it no longer torturing you, Quinn and Jordan Ran after him then…he was hit and killed by a car…you and John ran out after them you covered your mouth crying and fell to your knees "I'm so sorry…" Jordan said that's when you all realized Jordan was bleeding "Oh my god! You're bleeding!!" Quinn said turning to Jordan panicked "I need to get you to the hospital!" Quinn said before they left in a hurry you tried to follow them but John grabbed your hand and you turned to look at him he had tears in his eyes "Y/n please just.. Stay.. Stay here please! The circle will protect us!" He said. "But Quinn and Jordan are like sitting ducks out there!!" You said "Y/n..please..i know we haven't known each other for very long but I love you!!...Please just stay with me.. " he said. You looked off to the direction Quinn and Jordan went before sighing. "okay.." You said. Then the two of you went back into the church into the protection circle. That entire night was torture…for all of you Quinn took Jordan to the hospital while John insisted that you stay with him in the circle the demon tormented you all night the only thing John could do was hold you and try to comfort you as you screamed and cryed.

(Time skip)

Things had strangely been quiet for a while you checked your phone…they did it Quinn and Jordan did it it was over…

The end…..

Or is it..? (Character two won't be for a long time because I don't know when or if there will be a sequel)

(Dear fellow writers!!! Someone please write for John! Ima simp and no one has written for him except me)

[in-all-ways-always]

8/7/23

Dear Love,

How are you? I’m doing good, the meds are helping. I haven’t had a clear mind ever in my life. Even though it’s made to help manage depression and anxiety, they said it has helped people with adhd. I’ve never had my adhd treated, I’ve struggled with it all my life. And for the first time in my life I can actually think and focus.

Wednesday will be a whole week of taking them, and they’ve helped a lot, I’m hopeful for once, optimistic. I look forward to seeing how much they help me in the future as time goes on. I have been feeling some of the side effects as the days have gone by. More and more I’ve not had an appetite, which I’m sure you know I am not mad about at all. It gives me energy, but not in a jittery anxious way. I feel more motivated to actually get up and do things. Where as before getting up just to throw something in the trash felt like a burden, even showering or brushing my teeth felt like a chore. I feel like I have a bit more patience now, I react to things that would set me off or annoy me differently. Which is very new, I mean, when I would be high I guess I’d react differently, in a more chill/whatever type of way. So maybe not so new.

The other side effects I’ve been feeling that I’m not thrilled about are the stomach pains, those are not fun. The nausea, I get slight headaches, my vision has worsened, and I break out into sudden sweats. I also have constipation problems with it, like I didn’t already have problems going to the bathroom. But I can deal with all of those things, they aren’t major issues that are stopping me from doing anything I need to do in my every day life.

I want so badly to talk to you, to see you. I miss you so much and I hope that you miss me just the same as I do you. I’m so tempted to go back to you and tell you I’m fine now, because the meds have me feeling better. But I know that there’s still so much work to be done with me in therapy, I can’t risk going back and ruining things between us for good. But I want you to know I am feeling better, i feel like a different person. I actually almost gave myself a panic attack the other night when I was sending voice messages to Gaby, I was listening to my messages and I couldn’t tell that it was me talking. I don’t know how else to explain it, other than I sound like a totally different person when I was talking to her, and telling her how I feel, and everything. Almost like to me, my voice sounds different. Idk, that’s just my opinion though. Maybe when you finally speak to me again you’ll notice a change.

My feelings haven’t changed for you. I still love you just the same as I did the last time we saw each other. I don’t cry anymore hardly. Things that I would breakdown crying so easily over, I don’t find myself on the verge of tears anymore. Although today I did cry when doing those NGL’s things on my close friends. Someone had asked if there was anyone that I missed, and it kinda hit me, and I broke down a little. I answered it and saw that you watched it. It I deleted it and felt like maybe it didn’t matter.

I wonder if you’ve found this blog yet and are reading what I write. Sometimes I wish that you’d drop hints that you read it, but then I’d think about it like how would he even know what hint to drop? Maybe my username? Idk, I see that you are wearing my necklace, I get happy each time that I see you wearing it in your stories. Like you’re letting me know you’re still waiting, you’re still there. That you’re keeping us, our future, alive.

I’m still unsure of the echo show, I want so badly to go. But I’m scared how you’ll treat me, I’m scared I’ll show up and see you with your arms wrapped around someone else. I won’t tell you, or hint to you that I’m going. I won’t even hint on here. Like you said, if I go, I go, and we’ll see what happens and not to let you know.

How’s your dad? Did he when his election? I hope he did, it would be stupid for anyone to vote for his opponent. The last you told me, it sounded like people were super supportive of him and like they were gonna vote for him. I hope that was the case. I hope your brother and Marley are good. I wonder sometimes if anyone knows me and you are on a break? I don’t tell anyone, other than Gaby, she’s really the only person I have that I can turn to for anything, all my problems. She’s always there when I need her.

If I’m being honest, I did those NGL’s things because I was hoping to hear from you somehow. That you’d write something that only me and you would know. I did feel like one of the questions I got may have been from you, and it was not a question I liked at all. The one about size and do I miss it. It’s something you’ve asked me in the past, and I really hope that’s not something you would ask me as you know I’m trying to get myself better. Don’t try to bring out the version of me that I’m trying to let go of.

I think about you every single day, you are always in my mind and in my heart. I carry you with me always, everywhere that I go. I miss you beyond this world, and I love you beyond time and space. You have my heart, and I am yours, in all ways, always.

I love you,

Your Mija

[tallmantall]

#JamesDonaldson On #MentalHealth – What Are The Different Kinds Of #Anxiety?

And how do they affect #children? Writer: Rachel Ehmke Clinical Expert: Dave Anderson, PhD https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VES1qzNbkc&t=2s - #Socialanxietydisorder - #Selectivemutism - #Generalizedanxietydisorder - #Panicdisorder - #Obsessivecompulsivedisorder - #Specificphobia We all feel anxious sometimes, but some #children experience #anxiety that is so serious that it can be diagnosed as a disorder. A #child may have an #anxietydisorder if their #anxiety is: - Unrealistic - Doesn’t go away - Makes them start avoiding everyday things #James Donaldson notes:Welcome to the “next chapter” of my life… being a voice and an advocate for #mentalhealthawarenessandsuicideprevention, especially pertaining to our younger generation of students and student-athletes.Getting men to speak up and reach out for help and assistance is one of my passions. Us men need to not suffer in silence or drown our sorrows in alcohol, hang out at bars and strip joints, or get involved with drug use.Having gone through a recent bout of #depression and #suicidalthoughts myself, I realize now, that I can make a huge difference in the lives of so many by sharing my story, and by sharing various resources I come across as I work in this space.  #http://bit.ly/JamesMentalHealthArticleOrder your copy of James Donaldson's latest book,#CelebratingYourGiftofLife:From The Verge of Suicide to a Life of Purpose and Joy   www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com Here are some different kinds of #anxiety that #children may be diagnosed with. #Separationanxietydisorder #Children with #separationanxiety become extremely upset when they are separated from their caregivers. The distress that they feel is unusual for their age. Some signs include: - Worrying about #parents getting sick or dying - Worrying about getting lost or kidnapped - Not wanting to go to #school #Socialanxietydisorder #Children with #socialanxietydisorder are very self-conscious. They can find it difficult to hang out with peers or participate in class. Some signs include: - Avoiding social situations - Feeling panicky during social situations. Older kids may shake, sweat, or be short of breath. Younger #kids may have tantrums or cry. - Worrying people will judge them for being anxious #Selectivemutism #Children with #selectivemutism have a hard time speaking in some places, like at #school. Their #anxiety goes beyond typical shyness. Kids with SM can’t speak even when they badly want to. Some signs include: - Feeling “frozen” with #anxiety and unable to speak - Being able to speak in some places but not others (like #school or around certain people) #Generalizedanxietydisorder #Children with #generalizedanxietydisorder (#GAD) worry about lots of everyday things. #Kids with GAD are often particularly worried about how they are doing in #school. Some signs include: - Being a perfectionist - Feeling “out of control” #anxiety about many different things - Having trouble sleeping #Panicdisorder #Children with #panicdisorder have a history of panic attacks. Panic attacks are a scary and very sudden surge of symptoms that can make #kids worry they are dying or “going crazy.” Some signs include: - Racing heart - Sweating - Shaking - Dizziness - Shortness of breath - Nausea #Obsessivecompulsivedisorder #Children with #OCD experience unwanted thoughts, worries or impulses called obsessions. They often also develop repetitive actions — called compulsions — to calm the #anxiety caused by their obsessions. Some signs include: - Fear of doing something “bad” - Repeatedly asking for reassurance - Repeatedly washing hands or making things even Specific #phobia #Children with specific #phobia have extreme fears about a particular thing. These things aren’t typically considered dangerous but seem very scary to the #child. There are five common kinds: - The animal type, or avoiding animals and bugs - The natural environment type, or avoiding things like storms, heights or water - The blood-injection-injury type, or avoiding things like seeing blood or getting a shot - The situational type, or avoiding things like flying, tunnels and bridges - The other type, or avoiding things like loud sounds, choking, vomiting and costumed characters Read the full article

[baka-monarch]

Coworker: not naming any names but I don't like working as an usher when busy because someone likes to walk away and hide in the bathroom

Me who's already feeling depressed and anxious as hell and on the verge of a panic attack: ;-;

[katelfiredemon]

I’ve been having a bit of a rough time the past couple weeks so I’ve decided to make a self care post of things I do when I’m feeling crappy for other people going through a rough time!

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or anxious then breathe in slowly and deeply for 4 seconds, hold it for 7 seconds, then breathe out slowly for 8 seconds and repeat til you feel calmer. I’ve been told this way of breathing makes your heart rate slow down. It’s helped me not have panic attacks before

Drink water drink water DRINK WATER!!! Honestly a lot of the time when my body is feeling crappy, I just have been drinking enough water (if you struggle getting yourself to drink water then try getting flavor packets to put in it, it’ll make you more likely to want to drink it if it tastes good)

If you’re stuck in one of those vicious cycles of feeling sick because you haven’t eaten and then not eating because you feel sick, then seriously just force yourself to eat a piece of bread or toast or saltine crackers, even if it’s just a few bites. It’ll seriously help you feel just better enough to stomach eating more things a little bit later

Sprite helps settle upset stomachs (this is my go to method for car sickness)

Coca Cola can help with migraines

If you’re congested take hot showers or boil some water, place a towel over your head and lean over the pot breathing in the steam

If you have phlegm in your throat, gargle salt water, it can help clear it out. Doing this consistently for a few days is really helpful

If you’re feeling under the weather at all then drink orange juice or take vitamin c tablets or gummies, vitamin c boosts your immune system

If you’re about to have a panic attack find something physical to focus on or ask someone to bring you something if you can’t yourself. Something that you can feel is a very good option like an icecube to hold or a cold water bottle to press against your face

Drinking cold water when on the verge of a panic attack or coming away from one is helpful too, the sensation of cold water going down your throat can be very calming

If you don’t have anything like those around you then try to list things you can hear or see. Also physical movements can keep you grounded, this is especially helpful if you have someone to talk you through it. Start by rolling your wrists, then flex and unflex your fingers, try doing this with individual fingers, and alternate between these, even adding in more things like rolling your head or shoulders

If you’re feeling lightheaded, especially if you think you might pass out then sit down and put your head between your knees for a while

If you’re going through a depressive episode, if you can’t muster up their energy or motivation for anything else, at least go outside for a few minutes even if you’re in your pajamas. The sunlight and fresh air will help immensely. If you can’t then at least open your window

Open your windows periodically to freshen the air in your room

When you’re feeling crappy take showers! Even if you have to drag yourself in there and just sit in the tub with the water raining down on you, even if you can’t find the motivation to wash your hair (you can even just tie it up and out of the way) just get yourself in there, it’ll do you a world of good to feel at least a little more hygienic

Along these same lines, brush your teeth! Even if that means doing it for half the time you should or even without toothpaste. One of my roommates even just kept a toothbrush on her nightstand and on bad depression days she’d brush with that, where she could do it in bed

Get dressed! Don’t spend all day in your pjs! Even if it’s just changing into sweats or other comfy clothes! Do it! And take the time to dress up nice for yourself once in a while!

If you have any motivation at all for it, clean your room!!! Even if this means just picking up one item of clothing or throwing something on the floor away, it’s a million times better than nothing and you’ll feel better for it even if just a bit

Anyways, I love you all! Take care of yourselves! If you ever need advice or someone to talk to I’m here for you! I love and appreciate all of you! I’m proud of you for everything you’ve accomplished even if it’s just getting yourself out of bed!

[rjalker]

Anyways, you know what I just realized now, lol?

The reason Adrien had to fail so ridiculously in Desperada?

Was it to show how irresponsible Adrien is?

Nope, you're supposed to be cheering for him and feel bad for him because he's "traumatized from having to watch the girl he loves die over and over again".

Like he's not the one who literally kept choosing to let her get killed rather than do the responsible thing and not fucking lie to her and abandon Plagg.

Was Deperada written to show us how horrible of a person and so-called "hero" Adrien is?

Nope!

You want to know why it was written? Literally?

To punish Marinette for trying to rely on Adrien without his secret identity getting in the way. She did not mean to give the Snake Miraculous to Chat Noir, she meant to give it to Adrien Agreste.

The boy she has a crush on.

The entire episode exists to punish Marinette for trying to interact with Adrien when she knows it's him, rather than him as Chat Noir, who she doesn't realize is him.

Because that would mean letting Marinette get over the literal trauma response of debilitating anxiety that she has whenever she tries to interact with him.

That would mean letting Marinette actually be happy and would mean that their ""relationship"" actually gets to develop in a way that benefits them both, instead of it literally just being Adrien sexually harassing Marinette for five seasons straight and having the time of his life with it while she's so stressed and anxious and depressed she's constantly literally on the verge of a fucking mental breakdown.

And these writers, these 45+ year old white men, cant' have that. They can't let Marinette be happy, they can't let her have a healthy relationship with Adrien, because that would ruin all their fun of tormenting her through their self-insert "can do no wrong and if he does do something wrong it's actually Marinette's fault" Adrien.

The writers did not intend for Desperada to showcase how horrifically irresponsible and callous Adrien is in regards to the safety of Marinette or anyone else in Paris. It's not meant to show how horribly he treats Plagg, abandoning him at the drop of a fucking hat.

It's meant to punish Marinette for daring to try to do something to progress her relationship with Adrien beyond "literal panic attacks at the thought of talking to him". We're supposed to blame everything that goes horribly wrong in the episode on Marinette, for daring to choose Adrien over Luka.

....Even though the writers themselves were then forced to immediately write Luka out of the story because they realized that their audience was coming to the painfully obvious conclusion that if Marinette has to be in a relationship, she deserves to be in one with Luka rather than Adrien, because Luka actually treats her with respect and compassion.

The entire thing exists to punish Marinette.

Kind of like the literal entire show.

[wordsnstuff]

10 Mistakes to Avoid When Writing About Mental Illness

Patreon || Ko-Fi || Masterlist || Work In Progress

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Reinforcing Stereotypes

This goes without saying, but neurodivergent people (and characters) each experience and cope with their mental illnesses differently. Schizophrenia is not simply hallucinations. Depression is not simply feeling suicidal. Anxiety is not simply consistent fear or unease. Your character, depending on what causes/triggers their symptoms, will present their mental illnesses differently, both on the inside and outside. A person’s experience of mental illness is affected by their environment, their background, their priorities, their personality, and their other struggles. Reflect this in their story, rather than reading a long list of general symptoms and checking them off in your draft. 

1 Symptom Sally

Mental illness affects every aspect of an individual’s life. It’s more complicated and far-reaching than simply “having a harder time than everyone else”. Depression, for instance, is frequently portrayed with an acute emphasis on the symptoms of fatigue, lack of motivation, and sadness. However, depression has a lot of symptoms that many aren’t aware are connected to the illness, such as executive dysfunction, irritability, and sickness. Even those with a general diagnosis of a mental illness aren’t going to have that diagnosis just because they feel sad a lot of the time. There must be more, and it must be shown.  

Romanticizing Suicide

There’s a delicate balance between depicting the reality and gravity of suicidal thoughts/ideation and making it sound appealing. If you’re reading a story, narrated by a character who has suicidal tendencies, it’s inevitable that their thought process will justify or rationalize those thoughts. Approach this with care, and remember that as a writer, you have influence over your readers (whether intentionally or not), and you should prioritize the responsibility you have to avoid romanticizing suicide over the task of portraying it accurately. Some things simply hurt more than they help. 

Generalizing Experiences

Mental illness is inconsistent. Some people display two or three symptoms that are easily recognized, but some experience symptoms most don’t even associate with those illnesses at all. For example, generalized anxiety disorder can present in individuals with a more physically debilitating set of effects, rather than primarily manifesting in feelings of fear or unease. Yes, anxiety is the state of being anxious, but it can also be sensory overload, executive dysfunction, flu-like illness, and fatigue. Every mental illness is unique to the individual who struggles with it, so be aware that your characters should be representing that reality as well. 

Ignoring Coping Mechanisms

Most people who have a mental illness that has progressed to the point of seeking a diagnosis and perhaps treatment have established various levels of coping mechanisms. These can be things like substance abuse or self harm, but they can also be more subtle, like hyper-fixation on media they like or excessive reliance on friends or family. If you’re going to write a character with a mental illness, you should know what they have to do to get through the day. What exercises have they adopted to adapt to their situation? What effect have these mechanisms had on their lifestyle and relationships?

Illnesses Having No Effect On Relationships

Mental illness, especially after having struggled with them for a long period, affects who we are, how we behave and interact, and changes our priorities and thought process. It’s inevitable that it will impact our relationships with other people. In order to accurately depict this experience, you have to also know the characters on the other side, who are maintaining a relationship with your neurodivergent character. What are their thoughts on mental health? How well do they understand what your character is experiencing? Are they more likely to want to be there for or distance themselves from the character because of their mental illness? Strain on relationships can be a very distinct part of a neurodivergent person’s experience with mental illness, and it’s important to represent that. The stigma is still very real and shows up regularly, even in little ways, and in a more accommodating world.

Extreme Cases Only

Some people experience mental illness on a chronic level, others do not. There’s Seasonal Affective Disorder, which tends to only present symptoms in certain periods of the year for various reasons, for example. It could be classified as a “less severe” form of depression, and it’s very common. Not all depression is the same, and it doesn’t always result in severe cases of suicidal ideation or self harm. If you only depict characters in the most extreme cases, who experience their symptoms at the highest level at all times, you may be reinforcing stereotypes about neurodivergence that have taken decades to dismantle. Not everyone with mental illness has an extreme case, and pretending they do can reinforce the idea that all neurodivergent people are “crazy”. 

Good Days vs. Bad Days

Neurodivergent individuals usually experience their symptoms on a wide spectrum of severity. There are good and bad days, and everything in between. Sure, some days, one may experience virtually no symptoms and be very happy and productive, and be totally unable to maintain their composure on others. However, the majority of the time is occupied by a middle ground. Days where a person isn’t constantly on the verge of a panic attack, but they struggle to accomplish their typical agenda, and they feel a variety of symptoms at noticeable, but more manageable level. Symptoms can also intensify steadily and endure for variable periods of time. 

Curing Mental Illness With Romance

Let me say this clearly, and insist you don’t argue: mental illness cannot be cured by a relationship. I admit that new relationships or positive attention can offset symptoms, but if a character’s mental illness (such as depression or anxiety) miraculously resolves because a new partner comes into their life, they either weren’t mentally ill in the first place, or you have misunderstood mental illness. There can be months or even years where someone can go without experiencing their symptoms at a noticeable level, but they will always be neurodivergent, and a new partner isn’t going to change that. That portrayal minimizes the experience of mental illness and trivializes symptoms people suffer with every single day. Do not do this. Please. Just don’t. You can say your character has prolonged period of sadness, but you cannot slap the word “depression” on them, then have all their symptoms disappear because they’ve got a hot date.

Not Every Illness Is Caused By Trauma

This is simply a point of knowledge more writers should have a grasp of. Mental illness can be caused by genetics, chemical imbalances, deficiencies, severe and prolonged stress, longterm health conditions, social isolation or loneliness, etc. It’s natural that in a fictional story where mental illness may be an important aspect, that trauma is one of the more sensational causes to apply to your character, but if you have a cast with diverse experiences of neurodivergence, it’s unlikely that all of them will have a basis in trauma. Neurodivergence is not a one-size-fits-all. 

–

Masterlist | WIP Blog

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[hassedah]

Random headcanons on the boys of Moonnlight Lovers :

These are headcanons I have in mind for the boys at the mansion. There are mentions of depression, PTSD, and anxiety in Vladimir, Ethan and Raphael's parts. I flagged them with this symbol ♦ at the beginning and at the end. (English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes).

Aaron :

Aaron is the only real adult in charge of the mansion.

Aaron owns about 20 identical T-shirts, which makes it seem like he never changes his clothes, but in reality he just loves their texture.

Aaron snores when he sleeps, sometimes it keeps Ethan and Beliath awake. When he is very tired his snoring wakes up Raphael too. 

Aaron sometimes wants to throw his roommates out the window. He loves them very, very much, but between the existential crises of Vladimir, Raphael and Ivan, and the nonsense of Beliat and Ethan. He doesn't have much time for himself, and sometimes he just wishes he could take a walk in the woods without worrying that one of them will come up with a stupid idea while he's away.

Aaron cuts all the wood for the fireplace, sometimes Ethan and Ivan come to help him. Beliath never participates because he doesn't want to get dirty. Raphael doesn't like the forest (actually, he just doesn't want to get tired), and Aaron doesn't want to see Vladimir with an axe in his hands, even a plastic one, it's a matter of caution, the aristocrat is too clumsy for that.

Aaron has trouble falling asleep and often wakes up because of concern for his roommates. He can't help it, he sees them as immature cubs, or careless kittens, especially Ivan.

Aaron likes to sing, but he rarely does it at the manor.  He prefers to sing in the forest, he has a very nice voice.

Once a week, Aaron loves to take a hot bath while reading a book.  It's one of the few times he really relaxes. To make sure he is not disturbed by his roommates, he wears earplugs (it doesn't cut out all the noise, but he hears it much less).

Vladimir :

Vladimir can't stand physical contact, but he would love to be hugged.

Vladimir fell off the roof while trying to fix the tiles with Aaron once. Since then, the wolf doesn't want to see him on the roof and is on the verge of an anxiety attack when he sees him climbing a ladder.

Vladimir mixes the colors in the washing machine on purpose to annoy Beliath. The others have already tried to stop him, but he knows how to be very discreet when he has something stupid to do.

♦♦ Vladimir has a triple set of keys to all the doors in the mansion, and has passed on duplicate keys to the rooms to his very dear roommates. Even though he never goes into the rooms, it makes him feel better to know that he has a key in case of a problem or disaster. Everyone knows about it, but they let him do it so that he doesn't have to deal with a series of anxiety attacks.♦♦

Vladimir is always the last to go to bed and always checks several times to make sure everyone is in the manor (that's why he always knows when Ethan and Beliat are sleeping elsewhere).

♦♦ Even though Aaron has no choice but to go into the forest on full moon nights, Vladimir is still extremely anxious about him being out there alone and would rather have him stay with them. His anxiety was much worse after Aaron arrived at the manor, forcing the wolf to stay more often than he would have liked.♦♦

♦♦ Even if Vladimir tries to hide his anxiety attacks, everyone knows about them and tries to limit the reasons for them as best they can.♦♦

Vladimir would be tending to his garden even when the moon is visible if his roommates weren't watching him.

Vladimir can't hold his liquor at all, which makes Ethan laugh.

Vladimir puts sugar in his tea because he finds it too bitter, although he refuses to admit it. He hates coffee and would like to be able to drink hot chocolate without feeling like a child.

Vladimir has a phobic fear of dolls. He can't stand them and will have a panic attack if he comes face to face with one. The day Ethan found out, he went out and bought some to hide in the mansion. Vladimir refused to sleep until he was sure there was not one left, and Aaron never felt more like putting the doctor through a window. Hours of combing the mansion with Vladimir to convince him that there were none left.

Vladimir cheats at Monopoly  to such an extent that he is not allowed near the bank.

Vladimir's blanket serves as a comforter. That's why he finds it hard to part with it, its smell reassures him (it's the same for his cane, he doesn't feel safe when he doesn't have it with him).

♦♦ Vladimir has never had a love partner, between his depression and his illness. He hasn't had many opportunities to find someone to date, and he doesn't like one-night stands. He doesn't feel safe in such situations.♦♦

Vladimir always follows the exact same routine when he gets up. If he is forced to change it, he becomes unpleasant and aggressive because of the stress it causes him.

Ivan :

Ivan is a K-pop fan.

Ivan was afraid of the dark when he arrived in the mansion.

Ivan loves Disney.

Ivan has a stuffed animal that he likes to sleep with, it stays hidden under his mattress most of the night so the others don't make fun of it. It's a patched up old dog that he got as a baby, he broke into his old house to get it back, except for Aaron nobody knows about it.

When he arrived, Ivan was terrified of the mansion and convinced that it was haunted. (Ethan is not totally innocent here) It took him a long time to stop being afraid of it.

Ivan would like to play hide and seek in the mansion, but no one ever wants to play with him. Well, Ethan would, but he'd rather break his legs than admit it.

Ivan likes to listen to metal and rap music to annoy Vladimir. It is a way to resist his despotism in a peaceful way, unfortunately Raphael is one of the collateral victims.

Ivan knows how to play the piano, but he would rather break all the fingers of both hands than to play it. On the other hand, he loves the guitar and would like to have one in the manor.

Béliath :

Béliath knows his roommates' romantic and blood preferences by heart. He's the one who organizes the guest list after all and he wants everyone to have fun.

Béliath can't stand water for his shower that's below 40 degrees. He wants hot water, he needs hot water.

Béliath is the only one who shops for the manor, it's a very thoughtful choice on his part. Vladimir and Raphael would look completely anachronistic in a store, Ivan is too fragile, Ethan would be able to fight with the cart, and Aaron would be wrong about all the products.

Béliath likes to take care of the garden, as long as it's not too messy. He does it mostly to please Vladimir.

Béliath knows that his clothes make him look like he's wearing pajamas, but he likes the texture of the clothing far too much to change it.

Béliath is arachnophobic. He can't help it, he can't help it, if he ever sees a spider he will scream until someone kills it.

Béliath is a sleepwalker, but he never moves around the mansion, he just sits in his bed and stares at the wall in front of him before falling back onto the mattress. The first time Ethan saw her do this, he nearly had a heart attack. In his defense, the incubus' black hair was falling in front of his face and he had just watched a horror movie.

Béliath loves to give manicures to the other members of the mansion. "It's important to have nice nails". Raphael is always the easiest to convince, he's pretty dainty. Aaron doesn't see the point but is willing to accept if it will make him happy, Ivan refused until he saw Aaron accept. Ethan and Vladimir refuse most of the time, because they don't like their hands being touched, but they finally give in when Béliath insists.

Raphaël :

Raphael hates horror movies. (Creepypasta too). Jumpscares are too noisy and the vast majority of the stories make him very uncomfortable. He doesn't like war movies or battle stories, and he has a lot of trouble with crime shows and detective movies.

Raphael has never cleaned the mansion, he doesn't even know where the brooms and vacuum cleaner are. (He uses his powers for that, yes he's a cheater, but he doesn't like cleaning).

Raphael loves cats, but he's too wary of his roommates' foolishness to bring one home. Ethan thinks it would also help with his depression to have.

♦♦ Raphael's crying spells worry everyone at the mansion, but no one knows how to help him. They are even more suspicious when he shares his dark thoughts and are often afraid to leave him alone because of it. ♦♦

Raphael often falls asleep while reading in the library or the parlor. Sometimes he talks in his sleep. Mostly he mumbles incomprehensible things, other times he calls things, or gets angry. Ethan recorded him once with Beliath to annoy him the next day.

Ethan :

Ethan often retrieves cell phones, very often, but he always ends up having them confiscated by Vladimir. So he hid one at the Moondance so he could continue to use it without anyone seeing him, it's just for listening to music or playing games.

Ethan is a very good doctor but his roommates never listen to his advice, which makes him despair, sometimes he would like to hit them but it's not very professional behavior so he just gets bitter and slams doors.

Ethan's writing is a nightmare to read, it's a string of shapeless waves that are quite strange. No one can proofread it at the mansion, so it's a nightmare when he leaves a post-it note on the living room table.

Ethan can't stand Ivan, it's not a scoop, but it's not only because Ivan is an irresponsible, immature and selfish kid, it's also because Ivan stole the younger's place, he takes all the attention of the others ! Who will pay attention to him now?!

♦♦ Ethan is still exhausted and doesn't know where he is or how he got there after having a flashback episode. Beliath is the one who takes care of him most often in this situation. He always makes sure he gets back to his room and especially that he doesn't go out in the daylight. Aaron would like to be helpful too, but Ethan doesn't want his help anymore, so Beliath also makes sure that the wolf doesn't get involved. Even though Aaron is full of good intentions his rough handling of Ethan's problems in the beginning only made things worse.♦♦

All the boys:

Vladimir and Beliath gave Ivan a DS so he can play video games. He mainly plays Mario.

Vladimir tried to teach Ivan to waltz, but he finally gave up. The youngest is not able to take a single step without falling.

Vladimir and Ivan have a catastrophic sense of direction. He would be able to get lost anywhere. This is also why Aaron prefers to know them in the manor rather than outside, he doesn't have the energy to go looking for them in the forest again.

Vladimir, Ivan, and Raphael can't tinker. (Actually, Raphael can tinker, but he prefers to pretend so he can be sure he never has to fix anything.)

Aaron and Béliath always come out of the bathroom naked because their room is next door, which always annoys Vladimir.

Sometimes, when Ethan is in a good mood, he plays a game of Battleship with Ivan, but it often ends in an argument.

[love-me-a-lotta-whump]

I posted 608 times in 2021

357 posts created (59%)

251 posts reblogged (41%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.7 posts.

I added 506 tags in 2021

#asian whump - 137 posts

#whump - 80 posts

#whump list - 55 posts

#kdrama - 45 posts

#whumplist - 43 posts

#korean drama - 33 posts

#collapse - 33 posts

#kwhump - 28 posts

#unconscious - 27 posts

#worry - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 80 characters

#maybe if they had a bigger budget and a couple of different actors in some parts

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

힐러 - Healer - 🇰🇷

Whumpee: 서정호 (Seo Jung-Ho)/박봉수 (Park Bong-soo) played by 지창욱 (Ji Chang Wook)

💙: This is one of my all time favorite dramas. I love it so much! Ji Chang Wook has been one of my favorite whumpees so this drama was a gift!

Synopsis: A fighter posing as a night courier agrees to protect a tabloid journalist whose investigation into a long-buried tragedy makes her a target for assassination.

Genre: Vigilante, Romance, Comedy, Mystery

WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW!!!

1.01 : chased, fought, nearly hit by a train

1.02 : none

1.03 : kicked in the shin

1.04 : asleep, cut hand, fought, asleep on a bench, hand treated, emotionally traumatic memory brought up, worried for someone, coughing

1.05 : fought, someone mentions him being abandoned

1.06 : asleep

1.07 : emotional

1.08 : angry, anxious, scared for someone, emotional

1.09 : emotional, half collapsed, mentions of his vitals being concerning, emotional, laying on the ground exhausted, refusing to get out of bed, (comedic: horrified, running from stylists, manhandled)

1.10 : emotional, in shock, loses his temper, crying

1.11 : emotional, detained

1.12 : detained still, nervous, angry, emotional, on the verge of years, scared for his mom, panicking, fought, shot with a tranquilizer dart, struggling to stand, drowsy, fought, arm cut, bleeding, stumbling, collapsed, groaning, blurred vision, stumbling, leaning up against a wall, weak, sliding down the wall, Ahjumma worried for him when his vitals were at dangerous levels, unconscious, heavily bleeding

1.13 : loved one looks for him, unconscious, heavily bleeding, found unconscious, concern for him, wheeled into the ED, bloody arm, treated, asleep in the hospital, still feeling bad, emotional, scared for his teacher/father figure, in shock

1.14 : in shock, emotional, fought, manhandled, panic attack, on the verge of tears, grieving, crying, crouching down while crying, crying, blinded by anger, crying out in pain, grieving, crying, concern for him, in a depressed state, isolating himself, mentions of him not leaving his home or eating or drinking, found asleep, worry, concern for him, woken up, delirious, heavily lidded eyes, cuddled for warmth, woke up, weak, tried to get up but half collapsed, taken care of, weak, leaning up against a surface to support himself 3x, emotional, crying in her arms, she wipes away his tears (xtra gifset)

1.15 : (recap: emotional, crying in her arms, she wipes away his tears), bandaged arm, old wound treated, worried for his girlfriend (cute anxiety), mild grief, waking up

1.16 : fought, emotional, hurt, emotional, fought, worried for someone, hit, scared, covered in blood

1.17 : scared, stressed, anxious, restless, scared for someone, chased, punched x2, bleeding, (manhandled: restrained on his knees), pushed into a room

1.18 : (manhandled: restrained on his knees), concern for him, (manhandled: restrained on his knees), shoulder pain, (drugged: tired, losing consciousness, fighting it, passed out, collapsed), concern for him, asleep, struggling to stay awake, sleeping, sleepy, sleeping, sleeping, concerned for someone

1.19 : threatened, stressed, scared for someone, blackmailed, mentions of his fear and how pale he looked, fought, bloody lip, slight limp, "He's too tough to be tamed.", "He's better quarantined in prison.", slight limp, field medicine, worried about someone

1.20 : fought, briefly manhandled, shot, collapsed, concern for him

-------

Huge thanks to @whumpygifs​ for the awesome GIFs added to these tropes! Make sure y’all go say hi and maybe even follow!

MORE WHUMP LISTS >>> {x}

106 notes • Posted 2021-01-21 23:09:28 GMT

#4

Virtual Detective Higurashi Tabito - Whumplist - 🇯🇵

Whumpee: Higurashi Tabito played by Matsuzaka Tori

Note: This. REC!!! I instantly fell in love! I was gonna just watch one episode to check it out real quick but that turned into me finishing the entire thing! It also really helped that Matsuzaka Tori is the leadddd

Synopsis: When Matsuzaka Tori was 5 years old, he was kidnapped. 20 years later he is searching for who kidnapped him and killed his parents. He solves mysteries like his own with his eyes that allow him to see sounds, smells, words, etc. as sight is the only sense he has.

Genre: Superpower, Mystery, Found Family

Watch on: 7 seas

WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW!!!

0.00 (EP. Special) : asleep, glowing eyes, fatigued, glowing eyes, eyes rolling back into his head, passed out, collapsed, concern for him, woke up, passed out, asleep, woke up, pushing his abilities too far, helped to walk, weak, scared, heartbroken, crying, pushing his abilities too far, weak, collapsed, crying, passed out, collapsed, concern for him, asleep (mentions of his traumatic past)

-------

1.01 : taken, handcuffed, bloody hand, weak (pushing his abilities too far), collapsed, angry, crying

1.02 : bandaged hand, traumatic past brought up, angry

1.03 : tired, concern for him

1.04 : pushing his abilities too far, emotional, traumatic memories surface, crying, trauma triggered, hyperventilating, collapsed, concern for him, asleep, carried, asleep, concern for him, weak, trauma triggered, flashbacks, collapsed, passed out, concern for him, asleep, woke up, bleeding hand

1.05 : upset, handcuffed, traumatic memories surface

1.06 : angry, traumatic memories surface, collapsed, passed out, asleep, at gunpoint, shot, collapsed, passed out, concern for him, lightheaded, collapsed, concern for him, eyes rolling into the back of his head, passed out, concern for him, in the hospital, emotional, crying out, shaking

1.07 : angry, emotional, talking about his traumatic past

1.08 : talking about his traumatic past, crying, emotional, concern for him

1.09 : trauma severely triggered, weak, shaking, growing weaker and weaker, found unconscious

-------

MORE WHUMP LISTS >>> {×}

Want to see more from Matsuzaka Tori? Check him out in Siren! >>> {×}

106 notes • Posted 2021-06-17 04:33:22 GMT

#3

아이템 - Item - Whumplist - 🇰🇷

Whumpee: 강곤 (Kang Gon) played by 주지훈 (Joo Ji Hoon)

Synopsis: A man and a woman try to uncover a conspiracy surrounding items that have supernatural powers.

Genre: Thriller, Mystery, Supernatural

Watch On: Viki

WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW!!!

1.01 : (dream: frantic, desperate, bloody face, crying, supernatural strain put on his body), woken up breathing heavily, sweating, found mildly hurt, thrown backwards, fought, strangled, knocked out

1.02 : (flashbacks: emotional, crying, grieving)

1.03 : none

1.04 : scared, fought

1.05 : fought

1.06 : restrained, groaning in pain, held upside down, coughing up blood, barely conscious, laying on the ground weak and groaning in pain, knocked unconscious, found unconscious, painfully gets up, worried for someone, scared, worried for someone, collapsed, crying, in shock

1.07 : none

1.08 : worried for someone, head pain, weak, nearly collapsed, punched a mirror (bloody hand)

1.09 : punched a mirror (bloody hand), bandaged, supernatural strain put on his body, weak, supported

1.10 : trapped, fought, angry, fought, supernatural strain put on his body, blurred vision, weak, hit, collapsed, barely conscious, passed out

1.11 : interrogated, angry, manhandled

1.12 : at gunpoint, surrounded at gunpoint, grieving, crying

1.13 : grieving, crying, weak, emotional

1.14 : ambushed, grieving

1.15 : none

1.16 : in a car wreck, bloody, exhausted, painfully crawling, passed out

1.17 : in a car wreck, bloody, exhausted, painfully crawling, passed out, found, healed, woke up, cornered, at gunpoint, shot, groaning in pain, slowly losing consciousness

1.18 : carried, barely conscious, GSW treated, asleep, woke up, sat up too fast, groaning in pain

1.19 : emotional, concern for him

1.20 : none

1.21 : crying

1.22 : fought, choked, kicked repeatedly, bloody mouth, chest stepped on, heavy breathing, in shock

1.23 : none

1.24 : (alternate timeline: unconscious, bloody, weak, concern for him), nightmare, sweaty

See the full post

125 notes • Posted 2021-06-16 00:02:55 GMT

#2

Ultimate Note - Whump List - 🇨🇳

Whumpees - Wu Xie and Zhang Qiling

I'm honestly so happy with this new addition to our beloved Lost Tomb series! The whump is fantastic, first of all. Second,ya boi Zhang Qiling was actually in every episode! That's always been so sad for me, to not have him in every episode in the past! He's such a great character and one of my favorites, tbh. This drama is so good, I can't recommend it enough!

Also can I just say Xiao Yu Liang is breathtakingly beautiful??? He’s my favorite Zhang Qiling so far with both visuals and performance!!! (And the amount of times they had Qiling shirtless? They knew what they were doing.)

Synopsis: Wu Xie's adventures begin in the Genting Temple when he receives two concerning videos from Zhang Qiling.

Genre: Action, Exploration/Adventure, Bromances

Watch On: iQiYi

WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW!

See the full post

126 notes • Posted 2021-01-10 08:15:49 GMT

#1

경이로운 소문 - Uncanny Counter - Whump List - 🇰🇷

Whumpee: 소문 (So Mun) played by 조병규 (Jo Byeong Gyu)

WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW

Watch On: Netflix

Note: This drama is AWESOME!!! I absolutely loved it and I'm dying for more! (Also look at this GIF! Adorable)

Synopsis: Demon hunters pose as workers in a noodle shop in an effort to catch evil spirits hoping to find eternal life.

Genre: Action, Supernatural/Superpower, (contains comedic relief)

1.01 : lifted and fell to the ground, upset, beaten, beat, angry

1.02 : beaten until unconscious, held, carried, woken up, struggling to walk, emotional, crying, panicked, crying, training (fought)

1.03 : fought, nearly stabbed, dazed, fought, scared, emotional, painful use of powers, threatened, unconscious, carried, asleep, friend sees his traumatic memories, concern for him, thrown half through a window, fought, nearly hit by a truck, traumatic memories surface, panic attack, scared for someone

1.04 : scared for someone, fought, crying, concern for him, fought, crying, scared for his friends, punched, bloody nose, concern for him, crying, asleep, possibly losing his powers, crying

1.05 : beaten, unconscious, fought

1.06 : emotional, crying, almost hit by a car, was about to let a truck hit him, dragged away, sobbing, crying, screaming for his parents, falls to his knees while sobbing, watched his parents die again, sobbing, fought, choked

1.07 : fought, cut on his face, crying, emotional, in a car accident (no consequences, just mildly inconvenienced)

1.08 : in a car wreck, bloody, groaning in pain, painful use of powers, emotional, crying, woke up, bandaged cheek, emotional, crying

1.09 : emotional (grief), concern for him, fought, bloody face, counters worried for him, weak, bloody, kicked, chest stepped on, painful use of powers, stabbed in the wrist, screaming in pain, bleeding out (severed artery), saved, out of it, concern for him, shaking, "You're gonna be okay.", mentions of his injuries, unconscious, partial field medicine, carried, painful magical healing, still shaking from the pain, alseep in bed while being looked after, (nightmare: sleeping, (nightmare: stabbed in the wrist, screaming in pain), woke up stressed, tried to walk before collapsing, leg injury returned) woke up breathing heavily and sweating with a loved one by his side, flinches at pain in his wrist, held, emotional, crying, guilty, hugged, crying, flashbacks to emotional events, emotional, (mentions of BTS 💜), glowing eyes, scared

1.10 : scared, emotional, concern for him, crying, intensely emotional, eyes glowing, collapsed, unconscious, concern for him, collapsed again, unconscious, concern for him, leg goes back to being hurt, sobbing, scared, collapsed into Ms. Oh's arms, carried, asleep, kicked down the stairs, head stepped on, emotional, crying in Mo-Tak's arms, beaten, kidnapped

1.11 : (kidnapped: bag thrown over his head, manhandled, struggling, punched unconscious, restrained (zip ties), hanging by his arms (rope), bloody, loved ones watching him be tortured (broken finger, punched), emotional, choked, crying, scared, crying out in fear, worried about his loved ones, sobbing, screaming while begging for help, glowing eyes) in the hospital, bandaged finger, emotional, brace on his finger, crying, scared, sobbing

1.12 : emotional

1.13 : emotional, crying, sweating, pushing his powers too far, collapse, nose bleed, chest pain x2, weak, bloody nose, exhausted, concern for him, sweating, exhausted, pushing his powers, (flashbacks: emotional, crying), fought, crying, pushing his powers

1.14 : emotional, crying, sobbing, crying out in pain, crying, sleeping, crying, pushing his powers, crying, fought, pushing his powers, hit in the head, weak, thrown, crawling away from antagonist

1.15 : bloody, crawling away from antagonist, fought, bruised face, cute lip, wounds tended to, fought, glowing eyes, exhausting/painful use of powers, falling asleep

1.16 : fought, beaten, leg broken, broken leg, limping, bloody nose, threatened, crying, painful use of powers, crying, passed out, bloody nose, collapsed, woken up, broken leg healed, asleep, concern for him, crying, sobbing, heavy breathing, carried, asleep, emotional, fought

-------

More whump lists >>> {x}

Want more from Jo Byeong Gyu? Check him out on Dokgo Rewind! >>> {x}

Thank you to @knights-in-whumperland as per usual for the gifs to link!!!

155 notes • Posted 2021-01-25 01:57:27 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

———————

lol I’m not surprised my top posts are whump lists

[anfie-in-the-box]

Dreamtale_Not_Found

Notes

Remember this thing I wrote out of the blue for Aftermare Week by @bluepalleteuniverse? Well, now the story truly begins!

Warnings: depression; a bit of manipulation, guilt-tripping, and an overall mean attitude of a random villager towards both Nightmare and Dream; not a panic attack, exactly, but definitely something similar.

Do tell me if there's anything I missed!

。。。

A negligible shift

Nightmare is done. He needs a change. Something. Anything. Please.

He sits between the roots of the Tree, hugging himself with both hands, chin on the knees. The position gets awkward, uncomfortable, but he doesn't have it in himself to move. He's drained.

He's fearful, uneasy with the deepest pain that never ends, but he's also empty. That's how it feels, at least. It's a void that nothing can fill, not even anxiety and doubts that have Nightmare in their cruel cold claws. The way misery blooms in the emptiness of his being is so alluring though, so mesmerising. Nightmare lets himself drown in the feeling. Nightmare never fights it, like he never fought the villagers, neither verbally nor physically. He's weak, isn't he?

But he isn’t evil. He's not. Can't be.

Right?

These thoughts break him more than any of the villagers ever could. Nightmare doesn’t know who he is anymore, and that makes it so much more frightening. He can't bear it. He's not brave, and he's not strong.

His hands are trembling. His whole body is trembling, Nightmare notices belatedly. His vision is blurred, too; he's crying again. He can't help it, useless even against his own tears.

Nightmare hugs himself tighter, so tight it almost hurts.

Can it be that the villagers are right? Were right all along?

No, no, no. Please, no. He doesn't want to be evil. He doesn't want to be a freak. It's supposed to count, right? He tries, he really does. It must count.

If only Nightmare could find a way to prove himself. Abruptly, he stops hugging himself, both hands limp by his sides. Does he even deserve this poor attempt of comfort? Is he really what the villagers say, a useless, stupid, good for nothing villain?

No!

The tears keep flowing down his cheekbones. He doesn't hiccup, doesn't sob, doesn't tremble anymore.

He's drained. Done.

He really, really needs to change something. Or something to change — and wouldn't that be perfect?

Too good to be true.

His fingers touch the grass beneath him, and the trunk of the Tree is solid as ever, always there to rely on.

Nightmare tilts his head back. Just then, he sees the apples. Black, but also some golden.

Maybe... Just maybe, but...

He'd need to stay alone for that though. Dream consistently declines any help requests from the villagers, seemingly determined to never leave, but he’s just too kind, there’s bound to be someone he can’t say no to. It’s a matter of time. And waiting is fine by Nightmare, now that he has a plan. He’s not wasting his time anymore; instead, he’s being patient, ready to take the first chance he gets. It’s a smart move. Besides, the reward will be worth it.

Tired, Nightmare wipes the tears with his sleeve and makes himself as comfortable as possible, resting beside the Tree’s rough trunk. If he’s lucky, he’ll even drowse and nap a little.

。。。

Ironically, an opportunity comes up later that day.

Nightmare doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he must have at some point since some noise wakes him up. When his head gets clearer, Nightmare realises it’s two voices, one his brother’s and the other only distantly familiar. A villager, then.

“Please, don’t talk so loudly,” Dream pleads in a small voice. “Nightmare is sleeping.”

How Dream always manages to be so caring and gentle is beyond Nightmare’s understanding. His little brother doesn’t deserve all that. Luckily, Nightmare knows what to do. Currently, he just has to keep listening intently, and it’ll be better if they think he’s still asleep. So no movement or sound. Nightmare’s good at that, he likes to think.

“Of course that useless garbage is sleeping in the middle of the day. But who cares!” the villager says, clearly irritated. They do lower their voice, though, if only to please Dream a little. “We need your help, and you can’t sit this one out!”

Dream sounds tired and somewhat hurt when he replies, “I’m so sorry if my brother upset you, but please, don’t talk about him that way.” Only when the villager mutters a “Yeah, whatever” that Nightmare barely hears from his position on the other side of the Tree, Dream continues. “Can you tell me what’s so important you think I need to leave the Tree?”

“Took you long enough to ask! Some guardian you are!” the villager huffs. “Just so you know, Ava is so sick she’s dying, it’s getting worse, and we’ve tried everything, but nothing helps! There’s no cure but the golden apples. It’s our last hope.” They insist, not giving Dream a moment to hesitate, “Come on! Do you really want us to lose Ava just because you decided to be stubborn?”

Nightmare tenses. He knows exactly how much of a bleeding heart his brother is. No chance he’s turning this one down; not when it’s a matter of life and death. He’s coming to the aid if only this one time. Meanwhile, Nightmare can set his plan in motion — prove himself worthy and good. Everything’s going to be fine. Everything’s going to get better. Finally.

Despite himself, Nightmare smiles. However, he keeps his sockets shut, just in case Dream decides to check on him before going to the village. He will go, without a doubt.

And indeed, Dream gasps, terrified, “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry to hear it! Of course, I’ll help poor Ava!” Then, there are steps and rustling, quiet huffs, and at last, this specific sound of a fruit being picked from the Tree. Nightmare knows that sound, although he’s never done it himself. Nobody asked for a black apple, after all. Nobody wanted it.

Nobody wanted him.

But now, that’s alright. He’ll just show everyone that he can take care of the golden apples, too. Everyone loves them, and they will love him as well. It’s so easy, Nightmare just cannot fathom how he hadn’t come up with it before.

For a few seconds, there’s a pause.

“What are you waiting for? You got the apple, now let’s go!” the villager hurries. Suddenly, the steps sound much closer to Nightmare, and he’s been ready for that, it’s exactly the reason why he never opened his eyes, then why does he jerk?

Luckily, it doesn’t give his act away. Dream sighs and whispers, ever so softly, “I’ll be right back, brother. Sleep tight.” He goes away and says a bit louder, worry evident in his voice, “Let’s go. I really hope we’ll arrive in time...”

If the villager replies, Nightmare doesn’t hear it. He counts to a hundred five times, just to be sure, and gets up only after that.

This is his chance to make the tables turn.

。。。

For a minute, he simply stands there, looking at the Tree, his chest heavy with anticipation. His gaze is fixed on a single golden apple, the nearest to him. The one he’s going to pick and keep from harm all by himself.

While Nightmare stares at the apple, a strange feeling arises in his entire being. It’s light and unobtrusive, but also comprehensive. He’d try to identify it if he had more time, he thinks. As it is, he can’t quite put a finger on it right away and so just lets it be.

It’s getting late, Nightmare notices. The sky darkens steadily, the sun already gone. Pinks and purples linger on the horizon, and for the first time in a while, Nightmare finds himself appreciating the view. It’s been so long since he last enjoyed... anything, really. Everything except for misery and pain has become dull, faded. Being able to drink in the sight now, suddenly thrilled by that fleeting moment between day and night, relishing in the cool breeze...

Nightmare forces himself to look away. He has a plan to execute, and Dream might come back any minute. His brother is nice, but... he doesn’t understand. He wouldn’t even if Nightmare explained. So he has to do this alone.

Not like it’s the first time anyway.

Deepest sadness and utter hopelessness creep back into Nightmare’s mind and heart, but before they take hold of him, little guardian decisively comes closer to the Tree and reaches for a golden apple, the one he’d chosen before.

A moment stretches to what seems a tiny eternity. That’s what it feels like to Nightmare, who freezes, terrified. His hand trembles. The apple is so close, one slight movement and he’ll have it, feel its surface. Is it warm or cool? Nightmare wonders, distantly. Is it soft or hard?

After a long, long pause — one that lasts barely a minute, Nightmare’s mind knows, but his heart doesn’t believe it, — his hand withdraws. He holds it with his other hand against his chest, aching all of a sudden.

What’s wrong with him? Why can’t he do this? He’s a guardian just like Dream, who’s done this plenty of times! It’s so simple! It should be simple.

But his body refuses to cooperate. He’s shuddering, so anxious and afraid it’s suffocating. No wonder his chest hurts.

Tears prick the corners of Nightmare’s sockets.

Come on! Why can’t he move? Just why?

It’s not fair. This might be his only chance. Dream made an exception today, sure, but it’s not every day someone is on the verge of dying. He’s going to come back, and stay beside the Tree like a good guardian he is, and nothing’s going to change.

Filled with despair and fear, Nightmare tries one last time, putting all effort he can into stretching out his hand.

It doesn’t work. His body doesn’t work, not properly, anyway.

What’s even happening?

Just then, Nightmare hears familiar footsteps from behind. The sound makes something in him snap. The pain in his chest, the tension in his body, the feelings in his heart, and the thoughts in his mind — everything dissipates, leaving him tired and empty.

And — oh.

Nightmare sees now. That light feeling was hope. And it’s gone.

“Nightmare!” Dream calls out, not quite close yet but already explaining himself. “Sorry I left when you were sleeping, I hope you weren’t too worried when you woke up all alone... I didn’t mean to take so long or to take any time at all, but it was urgent and you don’t sleep much, so I...”

Utterly exhausted, Nightmare shrugs his brother off with a quiet “It’s fine” and, when Dream abruptly stops talking, goes away to the other side of the Tree.

Leave it up to him to not do a single thing right.

Of course, it’s all in vain. Pointless and futile.

He’ll just sleep.

。。。

Only that night, Nightmare tosses and turns restlessly.

As energy beings, they don’t exactly need sleep, so for Nightmare, it’s more of a way to escape than anything. Being awake means thinking and feeling, while sleep, although it seems to last just for a moment without dreams Nightmare’s only read about, gifts him a blessing of unconsciousness. When he sleeps, it’s almost like time and space cease to exist.

Almost like he ceases to exist.

It’s sweet and alluring. It’s also terrifying.

But none of this matters anymore, because, after that incident, even light sleep just won’t come. It’s called insomnia, Nightmare thinks.

Something did change after all. For the worse, that is.

It really could have been funny, but after a week of long, long days and nights Nightmare’s forced to spend wallowing in his misery, he can’t find it in himself to laugh.

Tired.

He’s so very tired.

。。。

Credits:

Undertale © Toby Fox

Dreamtale © jokublog

Read English version on ao3

Read Russian version on ficbook or fanficus (to be added)

。。。

Notes

This story is canon compliant, which means Nightmare is six years old at the moment of the (absence of the) Apple incident. But because he never got corrupted, he has a chance to grow up, and that he will do. His meeting with Geno will happen years later, when Nightmare is an adult.

It will become obvious as the story progresses, but I felt the need to clarify right now. Maybe I'll remove this part of the notes later.

Also, since we don't know about Dreamtale as much as I'd like, I'm trying to fill in the gaps. All places and characters mentioned are my version of Dreamtale, except for Dream, Nightmare, Nim/the Tree of Feelings, and Neil. That makes Ava just a random name to make the dialogue feel personal.

Feel free to let me know what you think if you'd like!

。。。

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[mcyt-amber-tftsmp]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ 𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐛𝐨𝐛 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭

A— Abnormal (what makes them different?)

What makes Ranbob different from you is that fact that you are human while he is not. He is a literal semi-half enderman while he he is also a semi-half unknown hybrid. He finds himself pretty dangerous to you since he thinks that one day he will harm you in some way and it's just gonna make him fill up with so much guilt.

B— Bad Habits (what bad habits do they have?)

Ranbob has a bad habit of scratching his arms which results in many new scars and sometimes he would actually scratch so much that it will start bleeding. This would actually worry you a lot about him thinking why he does it but you do know it pains him a lot and would help him patch it up.

C— Crying (what makes them cry?)

The only thing that makes Ranbob cry is when he has nightmares about you dying in different ways which could either be by his own hands or by something or someone else. This does cause him to wake up with a jolt and there was a time when he accidentally woke you up by jolting too much from a nightmare and this made you worried and comforted him.

D— Death (How do they die? With family or alone? How does their partner find out?)

Ranbob's death was basically a cause of his enderwalk state which he couldn't control and he was slightly out of control but one side of him was fighting to escape it and the only way was to kill himself off which you didn't want but you had to let it happen. It would be a pretty selfish act for him considering he will be leaving you but the one thing he will know is that you are safe and that's what matters the most but you wouldn't even leave his dead body and just continue crying in place.

E— Emotion (what's the emotion they tend to push away the most?)

Ranbob tends to push away his fears the most. He doesn't want you to worry and there are times when he would let fear come back to him and he hates showing it a lot in front of you but you keep telling him not to considering we all fear something but Ranbob has his reasons.

F— Frustrated (how much would it take to push them off the edge?)

If you annoy Ranbob when he's not having a good day to the point he breaks, he will lash out completely and would attack without thinking and when he sees you hurt his anger will wash away and get replaced with fear and regret and would apologize so many times that he would just start crying.

G— Gullible (who are they most gullible to and why?)

Himself. Ranbob has changed for the better because of you and he thinks he can just let go off his past mistakes and move on. But that's where he is wrong considering he has voices sometimes saying negative things and reminding him off his past wrong doings. He knows he did those things and he has no excuse for it. He hates himself for this.

H— Humiliation (someone says something humiliating about them)

"Freak!"

He basically knew that it was directed at him but he looked like he didn't care on the outside but on the inside he was slightly hurt. He doesn't show it. You on the other hand who was with him and heard someone yell this out to him were not having it and gave out a snarky reply to the man that legit shut him up. Ranbob's happy that you stood up for him but deep down he's still hurt and you can tell he is behind that indifferent expression.

I— Insecure (what are their insecurities?)

How he looks. Honestly he looks like he doesn't care but his insecurities have a way of crawling back to him about how he looks. I mean he is slightly scary at first which he isn't a fan of but he's actually a nice guy once you get to know him but it's still a thing for him which he can't let go at all.

J— Jealous (what makes them feel jealous?)

When someone flirts with you. He will literally glare down at the person by holding your waist and standing behind you while he looks at the person flirting dead in the eye and he is like a few seconds away from killing them too if they don't hurry up and run.

K— Knife (how do they feel about hurting others?)

Ranbob used to hurt whoever came to Mizu cause he did kill a lot of people who previously came before you did. Now he just doesn't like it but there are times when he looks at a sword he gets weird hallucinations of it being slightly covered in blood and it will really throw him off and make him drop it before picking it up later on.

L— Love (who was their first love? Was it returned? How did it end?)

Well his first and last love would be you and yes it was returned and you guys are still in a relationship with each other. Ranbob loves you dearly but fears he will hurt you. You love him a lot more than he knows.

M— Mindfulness (what calms them down when they're feeling anxious or depressed?)

When Ranbob holds onto you or when you hug him, all his anxiousness goes away and it also helps him come from his depressive episodes. Usually it would sometimes be the other way but it also come in this way too.

N— Nightmare (do they have them? How often? What's their reaction, and what are they about?)

Ranbob has nightmares most of the time but not all the time and they would mostly be about you either leaving him or dying in his hands or some other way and he always jolts awake with small tears forming in his eyes and would look around to see that you are safe and not harmed and that's what calms him down but he is slightly scared to fall asleep again but he does anyways with zero nightmares.

O— Obsess (what they're obsessed with that you might judge them for? What's their "weird" obsession?)

The fact that Ranbob legitimately looks up to Dream and that Dream is his idol he just thinks that the way he worships him may weird you out but you don't find it weird at all but he just thinks otherwise without your knowledge. I wouldn't say he's obsessed but it looks like it in front of other people.

P—Pressure (what stresses them out to the breaking point?)

Blood happens to stress him out to his breaking point cause it always reminds him of how he killed people with no mercy and it just makes him lose it sometimes that he would break down at times with his negative voices throwing in things altogether.

Q— Quirks (what's one of their quirks they consider a flaw that you like?)

Sometimes Ranbob feels like having heterochromia is a flaw considering not many people have them and the fact that's it's pretty uncommon but you seem to love them and would always find them pretty which would make Ranbob smile knowing you love them and he tries to like them too.

R— Repressed (what memories do they repress or they wish they could forget?)

Ranbob wants to forget his wrong doings from the past where he killed off the many people that came down here but it just seems to come crawling back to him and he hates it and just wants it gone for good.

S— Sorrow (would they feel empty after the death of a loved one?)

Ranbob would completely shut down after he sees you die in front of him. He would just cry for hours and would blame himself for not being able to help your nor protect you at all and the guilt happens to increase and eats him up bad.

T— Time (what if they had a limited time to live?)

Ranbob would make the most out of it by being with you. He would do anything in his power to do the things you love and go on out for walks and other things you both love doing together. He would hate to leave you alone when his time is up and you would just be felling empty without him.

U— Umbrage (what pisses them off? What offends them?)

What pisses him off the most is when people flirt with you cause it makes him jealous and would be on the verge of killing them. At this point nothing offends him but if someone says something offensive about him, he won't hesitate to bring out that netherite sword and scare the person off.

V— Vent (how do they let things out after a bad day?)

When it comes to venting out things after a bad day, Ranbob would stay away from you as far as possible so he doesn't hurt you at all considering the way he lets out his anger is by punching things like the wall or sometimes throwing something which won't break. It does scare you a bit but you would cautiously come up to him and hug him to make him calm down which works well.

W— Weakness (what is their personal weakness?)

Ranbob's weakness would be you but not in a bad way or anything. If something were to happen to you, he would become pretty vulnerable. He would do anything in his power to protect you even if it meant sacrificing himself in order to do that.

X— X-Double-Minus (random sad headcanon)

One time, Ranbob was venting out his anger like a lot like he usually does but this time it was a bit too much. You on the other hand tried to calm him down but he was slightly blinded with anger that he accidentally pushed you away by clawing your cheek made you fall backwards on the floor slightly hard but not so much. Ranbob's anger immediately washed away once he saw what he did and all that got replaced with fear, regret and guilt which cause him to apologize so many times and a panic attack. You came up to him and hugged him to calm him down and tell him that it's alright and that you know he never meant it which slightly helps.

Y— Yearn (what is one thing they want that they know they can't have?)

The one thing Ranbob wants is to reverse time and fix his mistakes but he knows that it's impossible and he has to live with the amount of guilt and regret he has with him. But he knows he has you that will help him along the way.

Z— Zoophobia (is there any animal/bug/creature that scares them?)

Ranbob is legitimately an enderman hybrid and what bugs do endermen despise or gets scared off? The answer is endermites. He's not a huge fan of them in general and is kind of glad that they don't exist anywhere near him cause if it did he would lose it.