#i fell asleep twice while answering this thats why it took me so long to answer. woops lol

[mamadarama]

I also find anzu really interesting from a meta perspective because she's a silent protagonist not as in she doesn't have her own character, but in the more literal sense. You're right that she's insane, but you can largely only learn anything about that from what everyone else has to say about her or sometimes them paraphrasing her words, even giving the player dialogue choices for her is rare. Or actions, since she's apparently a rather violent person, going by the reactions from whoever she just tried to kick. She's practically haunting everyone over in engirls but they rarely if ever directly talk about her either.

She's the player character but only occasionally. It's really fun how there's all those moments (I remember tons in the ! main story) where she fainted or spaced out or just got up and walked out halfway through the scene, shifting you to an omniscient third person viewer, and no one commented on it immediately so you just didn't know until later. You're (sometimes) seeing the story from her eyes but enforced first person also prevents you from ever seeing anzu herself directly, right? Idk but as far as silent protagonists in video games go I personally think she's a really great one

YES this is exactly how i feel too , you explained it really well . i feel like shes also mellowed out a fair bit over the years as shes matured . also adjacently related, i love that even though shes a complete workaholic she juggles all her jobs so well that it never comes back to bite her in any major way. shes an unstoppable force . love anzu so much .

[kpopluvrsblog]

You are mine.

Requested: may i request a younghoon fic where he gets really jealous about how y/n and sangyeon had been spending so much time together so once they are alone in the room, he reminds her that she's his.

genre: slight angst, smut, fluff

pairing: younghoon x fem!reader

warnings: unprotected sex(use protection pls!!), daddy kink, degrading, sub reader, swearing, name calling, deep throat, rough sex, spanking/slapping, creampie

A/n: DAMN this shit is long im so sorry-

You didn't mean for this to happen. You just happened to get along with sangyeon well which led to you guys hanging out more often. Recently you had been invited by sangyeon to come hang out with all of the members for a movie night.

you arrived at their dorms around 7 pm. younghoon opened the door for you but he didnt even say hello. he just glared at you and then walked to the living room. “Thats weird” you mumbled as you took of your shoes. You were wearing a sweatshirt sangyeon had given you when you forgot to bring extra clothes one night. It was huge on you and went to mid thigh length. You just wore shorts underneath so you could be comfortable.

When you made your way into the living room everyone had greeted you but you noticed there was only space on the couch next to sangyeon so you gladly found yourself seated next to him. Younghoon was on the other edge of the L shaped couch so that he was facing you. However he was sandwiched by kevin and juyeon.

The chicken they had ordered finally arrived as you all settled on a scary movie to watch. Hyunjae sprinted back into the living room with his arms full of chicken while eric set the table. Finally the movie is starting.

“Sangyeon” you whispered and he leaned closer eyes still trained on the tv. “ can you maybe cuddle me it’s freezing in here” you contined. Sangyeon looked down at you and noticed that your legs were in fact covered in goosebumps. He grabbed a blanket that was thrown behind the couch and wrapped it around the both of you as he opened up his arms for you to lean into. You placed your head against his arm and continued to watch.

What you both failed to notice was a hot headed younghoon staring at this interaction from afar. “Are you kidding me” younghoon whispered under his breath. “ what?” Juyeon asked slightly looking at him. “Nothing” younghoon responded sharply eyes still set you you wrapped around sangyeon.

Younghoon then saw sangyeon lean closer to whisper something to you and a second after you bursted into small giggles trying to not disturb the movie. This made younghoon livid. “ thats it” he spoke aloud while he took two long strides and yanked you off of the couch, pulling you with him.

“younghoon what is your problem?? Let me go!!” You screeched as he dragged you down the hallway not even sparing you a glance. The rest of the members shared a look of concern before a screech was heard from the tv , scaring them and making them focus back onto the movie.

He pulled you into his room... wait... this isint his room. “Younghoon why are we in sangyeons room?! What is your fucking problem-“

He cut you off by slamming the door shut and shoving you against it with one of his hands beside your head. “What is my problem hm?? Mind telling me why you’re acting like such a fucking slut.” He reached his other hand up to your neck and squeezed roughly making your eyes roll back.

“Oh my you are a fucking slut aren’t you?” He said with a teasing tone. “Answer me.” He demanded. “Younghoon i dont know what you-“ he cut you off with a sharp smack to your cheek. “ thats not my fucking name. Try again” he said.

You know that its better to not disobey him when he’s like this. “ daddy im sorry i didnt mean too” you gasped around his tight grasp on your throat. “ he doesn’t mean anything to me like that. he’s just like a brother to me please im sorry” you continued.

He smirked and loosened his grip around your throat which caused you to start choking. “You’re wearing his fucking sweatshirt too you slut. You wearing that for him hm?” He said as he started to slide both of his hands down your body. “No daddy im sorry i just wanted to be comfortable-“ he cut you off again not wanting to hear your excuse by grabbing the sweatshirt and basically ripping it off of you along with sliding down your shorts as well.

“Y/n” he said sternly while looking you in the eyes. “Yeah?” You replied meekly not wanting to say something and upset him more. “Knees. Now”

You quickly fell to your knees, eyes trained on his hands moving to unbuckle his black jeans. He pulled his jeans and boxers down just enough to pull out his semi hard dick, already having pre cum coat his tip. He pushed your head so the the back of it was touching the wall. He stroked his dick twice then slapped it against your lips. “Remember the safe word baby?” He asked, the dom in him shying away for just a second. “Rose” you replied shortly.

“Open” he grunted. You immediately open your mouth as he shoved his dick down your throat making you gag around him causing him to moan aloud. Your hand moved to grab his thighs for support as he moved closer until your head was trapped tigtly between the wall and his hips.

He rolled his hips slowly. He then grabbed your face with both hands as he started to rut into your mouth at a fast pace with his balls hitting your chin and your head lightly tapping against the wall. “Your such a dirty baby taking my dick down your throat like that. Oh i bet it hurts your tiny little throat”You could only whine and gag around his cock until he suddenly pulled out and pulled you up from your arms.

He smashed his lips onto yours while you were still trying to gasp for air, pussy clenching with the want to be filled and tears streaming down your face. He fully took off his pants and shirt. “Jump” he said as he ripped your panties and unclasped your bra, throwing them somewhere into this poor members room.

You jumped as he placed his hand underneath your ass easily holding you up against the wall. “Damn look at how wet you are from me using your throat Y/n.” He said while rubbing the head of his dick against your throbbing pussy. “Please put it in daddy” you whined.

Wasting no time he settled himself inside of you with one quick thrust causing you to moan loudly. He started to slide in and out of your tight pussy while biting and sucking at your neck and collarbones until deep dark spots were forming. From you being so wet he couldn’t help but pound inside. He quickly got tired of this position though.

He took you from off of the wall and threw you onto the bed. “Get on all fours” he demanded. “ younghoon this is sangyeons bed though this is wrong-“ he slapped your thigh hard leaving a handprint. “Dont piss me off even more y/n, you better get on all fours right fucking now slut.”

You got on all fours as he pulled your hips back to meet his but he didn’t put himself in yet. “Would you like to tell me what you called me not even 10 seconds ago?” He spoke. ‘Oh shit’ you thought in your head. “D- daddy im so sorry please forgive me”

“Fucking dumb slut can’t do anything right” he muttered to himself. He brought down his hand harshly to your ass cheek making you scream in pain. “Count” he said.

After 15 hard smacks he felt satisfied with how raw your ass was for him. He pushed your knees farther apart as he pushed his hard dick back into you. “Fuck still so tight” he groaned. He started to roughly pound you into the mattress making the bed slam into the wall repeatedly, definitely making dents. “Scream for me baby. You’re mine do you understand that? Only my little slut that was made for me to ruin” he groaned loudly.

You easily did as he asked, screaming into the mattress with how his hips met your raw ass.” Tell me baby, you like being fucked on Sangyeons bed huh? He said as his thrusts started to stutter. “YES daddy oh my god i love it. Please im going to cum. You’re going to make me cum.” You kept babbling nonsense as he leaned over you with one arm next to your head and the other reaching around your body to play with your neglected clit.

“Cum for me slut. Make a mess all over sangyeons bed sheets” he moaned loudly. You followed his orders with a loud scream as you released around him spurring him to cum inside of you. He slowly stopped his thrusts when his high came to an end, only to collapse on the bed next to where your aching body was lying.

After a minute of catching your breaths he turned to look at you.” Y/n im sorry I didn’t mean to get so angry. I just didn’t like seeing him touching you like that and especially with how close you guys are-“ you cut him off this time with a soft kiss to his lips. You both lazily smiled as you pulled away. “I shouldn’t have been ignoring you for him though. anyways im sorry for not paying more attention to you younghoon.” You smiled sweetly.

“Let me take care of you okay my sweet baby? I meant nothing that i said during that. You know how much you mean to me.” He replied and then left a soft peck against your forehead while he went to get things to clean up with. He came back in his pajamas with a warm washcloth and lotion in one hand and HIS clothes this time in the other for you to change into.

After cleaning you up he asked” can you turn around for me baby, slowly, I don’t want you to hurt yourself” still naked you turned around while he rubbed lotion onto the red marks he had left on your ass and hips. “I love you” he said when he was done as he kissed your shoulder blades. “I love you too” you smiled back as he started to dress you in a clean pair of his boxers and a t shirt.

You started to feel sleepy as he picked you up and brought you to his room to sleep. On the way there he told sangyeon to sleep on the couch for tonight making half of the members groan in disgust and the other half snicker at his remark. He placed you under the covers and soon after his eyes started to feel droopy as well. You both fell asleep cuddling into each other.

[brelione]

After (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

Warnings:Smut, hospitals, mental breakdowns/panic attacks.

After the three weeks that Topper was in the hospital everyone was  in pure agony.None of you were really sleeping properly, your days spent at the hospital with your friend, voices never going above a whisper.

He was getting better, able to sit up in his hospital bed and play uno with you and Rafe while Kelce napped on your lap.Kelce was getting the least sleep, the stress all catching up with him.

You didnt know how to bring it up, instead helping him in the only way you really knew how.That was by extra hugs, a shit ton of forehead kisses and sleeping in his bed with him when he stayed at your house.You had no idea what was happening with you and Rafe.

When Kelce would leave whether it be to the grocery store or to pick up McDonalds you would find yourself on the couch with Rafe, sharing feather like kisses with your arms wrapped around eachother.You still hadnt figured out all your feelings.

You knew that you liked kissing Rafe but you werent sure why.He was gentle and it calmed you but that didnt mean you loved him, right?Sometimes when you were kissing Rafe you’d start to worry about Kelce.

You would usually go with him when he went grocery shopping but he now preferred to go alone, figuring that it would help him clear his head and get lost in the music from his radio.

You laid with your chest pressed against Rafe’s, your hand twirling his hair with his head resting against your neck, arm around your waist.You were still wearing Topper’s hoodie, switching between the gray hoodie you had took from him and the black one with a rabbit sillouhette on the back.

You still felt scared of touching Topper, way too worried about hurting him even when he was practically begging for hugs and forehead kisses.It killed you to not be able to, wanting nothing more than to hug him and kiss him and laugh at how stupid he was.

Rafe sighed, lifting his head from your shoulder, the tip of his nose resting against yours, letting out a small sigh. “You excited to take Topper home tomorrow?”He asked, his eyes only half open as he spoke.You hummed, a small grin on your face. 

“Mhmm...Ive missed him a lot.”You glanced down at Rafe’s lips, looking back up at his eyes.A small smile tugged at his lips, leaning towards you and pressing a gentle kiss to your lips, smiling a bit.A dozen of gentle pecks later and he had ended up on top of you, elbows on either side of your waist, sighing against your lips. 

“The nurse said we can do movie nights again soon as long as its not too loud.”He informed you, placing a gentle kiss on your nose, smiling when you let out a small laugh. “Thats good...I think he has to have like infinite movie picking nights.”You replied, leaning up to kiss him again.

He nodded, biting his lip. “Yeah, definitely.But the no horror movie rule still stands, right?”He asked, looking down at you with a big smile.You rolled your eyes, pulling his head down so you could kiss his forehead. 

“Yeah, the rule still stands.”You grinned, your hand going back to play with his soft hair.He had washed it today.You could tell because it was nice and soft, well conditioned with some high end conditioner.

Out of curiosity you sniffed it, face heating up when he lifted his head, raising an eyebrow. “Are you sniffing my hair?”He asked, trying not to laugh.You rolled your eyes.

 “Shut up.”You grumbled, tugging lightly at the dark hair.He let out a low moan, surprising you both. ��Did you just…”You trailed off, noticing how red his face had gotten, his face burying itself into the soft fabric of the hoodie. “Shut up!”He exclaimed.

You simply laughed, sniffing his soft hair again, trying to figure out what the scent was.He laughed, holding onto you tightly.His hair smelt like maraschino cherries and roses. “Your hair smells really nice.”You told him, inhaling the scent again.

He let out another laugh, biting his lip. “Yeah?”He asked, trying to remember which shampoo he had used that morning.You nodded, not able to feel your legs from his weight on top of you.The door swung open, Kelce coming in with a brown bag of Chinese food, setting it down on the table.

He didnt say anything, just sat down on the floor and started to take the food out, placing the boxes on the table.You frowned, Rafe getting off of you so you could move across the couch, hugging Kelce from behind. “You okay?”You asked, pressing a light kiss to his cheek.

He sighed, leaning back against you and letting you wrap your legs under his arms. “You seem stressed.Do you need to talk about something?”You asked, quiet enough that only he could hear it.He shook his head, opening one of the boxe and handing you a crab rangoon, laughing when you took it in your teeth right from his hand. 

“We need to save rice for Topper.”You reminded Rafe as he scooped it onto a paper plate with a spoon.He frowned, shaking his head. “Nope, Topper drove off a bridge.He gets no rice.”he replied, staring up at you as you glared down at him.

It took a few seconds before he hummed, putting some of his rice back into the container. “Should we get him cake or something?They wont let us smuggle him McDonalds so maybe we should get him that.”You thought out loud, grabbing another crab rangoon.

They shrugged, not really knowing. “My mom wants me to be home more often because she’s convinced i’ll crash like Topper did.I dont know, she just wants me home tomorrow for a family day or something.I’ll probably just stop by Topper’s house after you guys drop him off tomorrow.”Kelce fixed himself a plate, the two of you ending up switching positions so that you were on the floor while he sat on the couch with his legs on either side of you.

You sighed, resting your elbows on his knees while you bit into a piece of shrimp.Rafe turned on the tv, staring at you and Kelce.He wasnt sure what was happening with you.He didnt really understand why you two did what you did or why you guys never talked about it.

He ended up turning on Nickelodeon, glad when Victorious started playing.Rafe was grumpy the whole night, up until three in the morning as he scrolled through his phone.You and Kelce were cuddled up at the end of the couch, your arms and legs wrapped around him with your nose pressed against his chest, loud snored escaping the two of you.

Eventually he fell asleep, his phone on his chest and his head on the arm rest.He was woken up by you jumping up and down on the couch, grinning when you saw his eye open. “You gotta get up, bubs.We have to go get Topper.”You reminded him, hopping off the couch.

Rafe groaned, shifting on the couch and resting his face against the cushion.He dozed off again, grumbling when you climbed on top of him, demanding that he get up. “Hmm...where’s Kelce?”He asked, eyes half open. “He went home, its almost three in the afternoon, Topper can leave by four.”You kissed Rafe’s forehead, noticing how confused he was. 

“Three?”He asked, looking over to check the time on his phone.You nodded, getting off of him and heading upstairs to change your clothes.He groaned, finally getting off your couch and stretching his long limbs.Dragging himself up the stairs and into your guest room he had nearly fell on the stairs twice, closing the door behind him.

His clothes were scattered all over the room, groaning as he searched for his yellow shirt, cursing.He forgot to knock, walking straight into your room. “Hey, do you have my yellow shirt?”He asked, watching you tie your shoes.You bit your lip, glancing over to your closet.

 “No.”You lied, standing up straight once you had your shoes on.He chuckled, walking over to your closet.You quickly grabbed his arm, trying to prevent him from opening the door.He easily held you back, seeing the yellow shirt hanging in the closet.

He grabbed it, running past you. “Rafe!You cant have that!”You shouted, running through the house.He laughed, running into your kitchen before realising he had cornered himself.You ran at him, trying to take the shirt back.

 “Rafe-thats mine!”You exclaimed, clinging onto his arm and trying to bring it back down so you could take it from him. “No, no its not.”He answered, holding it high above his head.You sighed, wrapping your arms around his torso.

He frowned, eventually giving in and hugging you back, forgetting that he was holding the shirt when you swiped it from him, holding it to your chest. “thanks.”You grinned, stepping on your tiptoes to kiss him lightly.He sighed, arms tight around your waist, knowing it would be the last kiss he got that morning since you two would most likely be with Topper for the rest of the day.

 “Hmm...we gotta go.”He mumbled against your lips, not really wanting to pull away.You sighed softly, kissing him again. “Let me just grab my backpack really quick.”You kissed his nose, noticing how tired he looked.You grabbed your small leather backpack before coming back into the kitchen, seeing Rafe eating a handful of frozen berries right out of the bag.The two of you got into the car in silence as you texted Kelce.

You:Hows family day going?

Bean:we cant decide on a movie

Bean:hows Topper doing?

You:We’re on our way to the hospital rn.My heart is literally pounding im kinda nervous ngl

Bean:felt that.How’s Rafe doing?He seemed mad last night

You:Rafe’s fine he just slept weird

You:Are you ok?You’ve been really stressed lately

Read at 3:43 pm

You sighed, placing your phone between your thighs.Rafe raised an eyebrow, wondering whether or not he should ask about your sudden mood change.You were out of the car before it even stopped, speed walking to the hospital entrance with Rafe close behind you.

You took in a deep breath as you walked through the motion activating doors, the cool air conditioned air hitting your skin.Rafe came up quick behind you, not wanting to lose you in the hospital.

Topper was sitting at a little waiting area on a red couch, reading something from a magazine.He was wearing loose gray sweatpants and a white T Shirt, squinting as he tried to read.You ran over to him, grinning when he looked up at you, slowly standing up and letting you hug him.

You closed your eyes,arms tight around his torso, his nose in your hair. “Hi.”He grinned, trying not to laugh.You were acting like you hadnt seen him in months, cautious of his casted arm. “Hi.”You replied, feeling your eyes moisten.

You refused to let go even when Topper lifted up his head to greet Rafe.His forehead wound had healed nicely, a stip of medical tape over the area.The stitches had been removed a few days prior, the tip of his tongue fully healed so he could eat better foods.

 “(Y/N).”He mumbled, a red blush across his face.You took in a big breath, looking up at him curiously. “I asked the nurse and she said I can have forehead kisses now.”He replied, flicking your hip lightly.

You sighed, cupping his face so he’d lean down a bit, placing a gentle kiss to his forehead.A weight lifted off his shoulders, letting out a low sigh.He had missed that feelin so much, glad he could finally enjoy your touch again.He sighed softly, resting his head on your shoulder.

 “We’re gonna get McDonalds and Kelce said he’d stop by your house later.Do you need to check out with the nurse or something?”You asked, feeling his hot breath against your collarbone. “Noo...we can just go.”He replied, most of his weight on you.You sighed, rubbing his back. “Are you sure?”You asked.

He nodded, kissing your jaw lightly.You looked over to Rafe, seeing him just standing there nervously.Once Topper had picked up the magazine and slid it up his shirt you guys walked out, Topper holding your hand tight, the sun causing him to squint.

You sat in the backseat with Topper, making sure that his seatbelt was secure. “Its scary to be in a car again.”He admitted, holding onto the door handle.You sighed, squeezing his hand. 

“The ride to your house from here is pretty smooth, no bridges or anything.”You reminded him, feeling his good hand on your thigh. “Can I turn on the radio?”Rafe asked.Topper sighed, kissing your temple. “Low volume.”He told the brunette, leaning against you with his eyes squeezed shut as the car started moving.

Your hand was running though his hair, rubbing at the back of his neck and avoiding his hairline.You placed a kiss on the top of his head, feeling yourself blushing a bit. “Hey, hey what do you guys want?”Rafe asked as he pulled up to the drive thru, stopping the truck.Topper grinned. 

“Uhh...a quarter pounder with extra pickles and large fries.”He replied, noticing how you were staring at his blue cast.Rafe pulled up to the window, handing you the large brown paper bag.You were quick to unwrap Topper’s burger halfway for him, letting him hold it. 

 “What about meds?Do we need to pick them up for you?”You asked, taking one of his fries.He slowly shook his head, slurping down his burger, nearly dropping a pickle. “No, they’re getting dropped by my house.”he replied, offering you a bite of his burger.

 “Thats good.”You mumbled, taking another fry. “What kind of meds?”Rafe asked, shutting up when he saw you glare at him. “Just like, pain meds.I dont know.Ive gotta take like three a day for two weeks I think.”He replied, halfway done with his burger when he quietly asked you if you could wrap it back up for him so he could save it for later.

Your heart dropped when Rafe pulled into his driveway, knowing that you wouldnt be able to see him again until tomorrow.You got up, helping him inside the house and shutting the door behind you, sighing. “Its been a while.”You muttered, taking in the white tile of the opening room, a chandelier hanging from the ceiling.

He nodded in agreement, slowly walking into his living room.It wasnt too different from yours except for the gray carpet and the different couch.He sat down on it, seeming confused.You placed the McDonalds bag on the side table, looking down at him. 

“Hey, can I tell you something without you freaking out?”he asked, shifting in his spot so he could look at you properly.You hummed, hoping it wasnt something too bad. “Yeah, yeah I guess.”You replied, waiting anxiously.He gulped, taking in a large breath.

It took him a second to finally form words, his legs tingling. “Um...so im in love with you and I have been for a while now.I dunno, when I called 911 the last thing I thought about was you.I just thought you should know.”He confessed, his heart thumping so hard that if he were still in the hospital the nurses would come rushing in.

Your eyes widened, trying to think of something to say.That wasnt what you were expecting him to say, taking in a large breath that hurt your ribs. “um...uh….I um….”You stuttered, taking in another breath.You let out a nervous giggle, covering your face.

 “Im sorry, this is just crazy….um….so can we just….can we talk about this another time, please?”You asked, not sure you could handle everything that was being thrown at you.Topper nodded, grinning.

 “Yeah, yeah its fine...we dont have to talk about it.I just wanted you to know.”He muttered, avoiding your gaze. “Alright...um...im gonna go but i’ll see you tomorrow.”You left quickly, shutting the door and hopping into the passenger seat, still shaking.

Rafe frowned, trying to figure out what had happened. “Whats wrong?”He asked, hand on your thigh to get it to stop bouncing.You sighed, looking over at him. “Topper just….he’s talking weird.Its stupid, hes drugged out of his mind anyways.Can we just go home, please?”You asked, wanting to focus on something else.

Had all those hugs and kisses meant something different to Topper this whole time?Or did they just mean something different to you?Now things were starting to make sense.Why Topper had left that night three nights ago, why he had always glared at Kelce whenever the two of you were cuddling.

Now you felt all the guilt.You were hurting Topper this whole time by being so close with Rafe and Kelce when he was supposedly in love with you.And now you would be hurting Topper now because of how often you and Rafe did things that shouldnt be done between best friends.

Everything was so fucked up now.Rafe was pouting, trying to understand what possibly couldve happened in the five minutes that you were inside Topper’s house. “Are you okay?Did something bad happen?”He asked, reaching for your hand.

You sighed, lifting your hands so your elbows were on the armrest, resting your head against his hand. “No, just weird shit.Its fine, Rafe.”You replied, sighing when he pulled into your driveway.It was already 5:30.You got out of his truck, going inside quickly. “Hey, why are you walking so fast?”Rafe asked, struggling to keep up with you even with his long legs.

You simply huffed, going up the stairs.He was confused, following you anyways. “I just…”You trailed off, groaning as you flopped onto your bed.He pouted, sitting at the foot of your bed after closing your door. “What?”He asked, not understanding.

You rolled onto your back in a starfish position, staring at the ceiling. “Im just stressed is all.Do you want to watch something?”You asked, looking over to see your remote on your night stand, surprised when his hands gripped your hips. “Do you want me to help with the stress?”He asked, hovering over you.

You knew where he was getting at, not sure how to think about it.It had been nearly a month since he had touched you like that but it had lead to something bad happening.But thinking something bad would happen everytime you messed around with someone was crazy, right?

You slowly leaned up, kissing him lightly.It didnt take long for his hands to move down to your pants, carefully pulling them down your legs.He looked up at you before pulling down your light blue underwear, making sure that you were okay before dipping his tongue into you, holding your thighs down as he pressed a kiss to your clit.

You let out a low moan, fingers squeezing at your comforter as he licked a stripe up your folds.One of your hands moved down, tugging lightly at his hair.He let out a moan, letting you direct him the way you wanted, his tongue plunging in and out of you, eyes closing.

He sucked on your clit, trying not to smile at how loud you were, slipping a finger into your entrance.He wasn't sure how this would end up, remembering your promise from last time.You moaned loudly when he added another finger, pumping them in and out of you.

He could feel you getting close, kitten licking your clit to tease you.A shiver ran up your spine, moaning loudly as your eyes clenched shut. “Rafe-please.”You whimpered.He smiled up at you, adding another finger to stretch you out a bit, slowly moving.

 “Rafe.”You whined, trying to get him to move faster.He simply chuckled, giving you what you wanted and beginning to speed up, your moans only making him move faster.You climaxed with a loud, high pitched moan, letting go of his hair as you panted.

Feeling his tongue moving again you let out a soft moan as he cleaned you up, your fluids on his chin and fingers as he licked them clean.He wiped his chin off with the back of his hand, looking up at you. “Rafe.”You whispered, knowing how crazy you were about to sound.

He leaned back over you, his nose touching yours. “yeah?”He asked, not sure what to expect.You let out a soft sigh, kissing him gently. “I want...I want to go all the way.”You told him, noticing his breath hitch in his throat.He gulped, not sure if he could do it.

He didn't want to hurt you. “Are you sure?”He asked, looking into your eyes.You nodded slowly, anxiety building up in you as he slowly pulled down his pants, letting you palm him through his boxers.He let out a moan, wanting you to apply more pressure.

 “Are you sure that you want this?”He repeated his question, biting his lip.You let out a shaky breath, nodding. “Im sure.”You replied, eyes widening when he pulled down his boxers.He was huge.You just had to hope it wouldn't hurt as bad as it looked.

 “Its gonna hurt a little, alright?I need you to tell me what you want.If you want me to stop I need you to tell me.If you want me to slow down I need you to tell me, okay?”He asked, wanting to make sure that everything would be okay.You nodded, touching his hair lightly.

The first few inches didn't hurt but when he was about half way in you hissed in pain, gripping his shoulders.He came to a halt, looking down at you with a concerned expression. “Baby, hey, hey.Do you need me to stop?”He asked, preparing to pull out when your fingernails dug into his skin. 

“no...no.Keep going.”You replied.He began to move again slowly, biting his lip.He was nearly fully inside you, trying not to moan as you kept clenching around him due to his size.You were whimpering, eyes becoming watery as he was finally inside of you.It stung a lot, scratching up his back.You sniffled, glad he was taking things slow.

You took in a deep breath, a few tears rolling down your cheeks. “Shh...I know, I know.It’s okay, you’re okay.”Rafe whispered, cupping your face and wiping away the tears. “It hurts.”You whispered, sniffling.He bit his lip, kissing his forehead as he tried to help with the pain or at least distract you from it.

He wanted to pull out and run you a bath, trying not to make himself cry. “Do you want me to stop?”He aksed, trying his best to stay completely still.You shook your head, holding onto hims tighter, his  face in the crook of your neck with his chest pressed against yours.

 “Baby- I indeed you to try and relax, alright?Tensing up only makes it worse, take deep breaths, ready?Breath in, breath out.”He pressed a gentle kiss to your collarbone, listening to your breathing. “Good girl...in and out, just keep breathing.Im gonna start moving a little, okay?”He asked, feeling you nod against his shoulder.

He took in a deep breath, pulling out ever so slightly before pushing back in, clenching his eyes shut. “You okay?”he asked, pulling his head from your shoulder, looking down at you.You nodded, taking in a deep breath. “Yeah-it hurts a little but im okay.”You confirmed, kissing him lightly.He let out a soft sigh, squeezing your waist lightly.

 “Ready?”He asked, keeping his hands on your hips, waiting.You let out a shaky breath, nodding.He was careful, only pulling out a quarter of the way before slowly moving back in, jaw dropping when you moaned.His heart was thumping fast as he moved slowly, groaning.

 “Shit.”He whispered, leaning down to kiss your cheeks, nose and lips. “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”He asked, pulling out halfway this time before pushing back in, watching as your eyes widened and a moan came from you.

  “Shit, Rafe.”You moaned, nails digging further into his back.He took a deep, shaky breath. “God, youre so fucking tight.”He moaned, letting out a low whimper, repeating the action of pulling out halfway before pushing in again. “Rafe-”You couldn't even form a full sentence before you were moaning again.

He was pleased with your reaction, moving a little faster and pulling out almost completely before pushing back in. “You want me to slow down?”He offered.You shook your head, running a hand through his hair. “Faster.”You muttered, seeing a surprised look spread across his face.

He began to speed up his actions, pulling out nearly completely before plunging back into you, both of you moaning loudly,He was panting, a light layer of sweat covering his face, going as fast as he could. “Rafe-im gonna-”You moaned, your head rolling against your pillow as you clenched around him,cumming all over his cock.

He licked his lips, slowly pulling out of you.He picked up a towel from your floor, carefully wiping your thighs clean. “You did so well, baby.How are you feeling?”He asked, picking up his boxers from the foot of the bed and pulling them back up, laying down next to you.

The sun was just going down, red and purple hues covering the sky like a wonderful painting, the golden light coming through your blinds.You held onto his arm, resting against his bicep. “Im fine...im tired as shit but im fine.”You replied, hearing your phone ringing from your shorts.

You sighed, too tired to move.Rafe grabbed it for you, telling you that Kelce was trying to call you.You were panting too hard to answer, Rafe gulping and licking his lips before lifting the phone to his ear. “Hello?”He asked.You noticed the way his eyes widened, eyebrows knitting together. 

“Chill, man.Just- what do you mean you broke it?Well dont-hello?”Rafe asked, realising his friend had hung up.You looked up at him with a confused expression, trying to figure out what was wrong. “So Kelce broke his door and he’s on his way now.He really doesn't sound too good.”Rafe answered, slowly sitting up.

After the call about Topper you thought you had heard the worst news you’d ever recieve.But hearing that Kelce had broke something made you want to vomit.Kelce freaking out was how you knew the world had hit rock bottom but it didnt help that you didnt know what he was freaking out about.Shit.

@sweetlittlegingy    @nicolefarley603 @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @newsies-yeet​ @butgilinsky @jjjmaybank @gracelovesbroadway  @stellariddle @outerbongs  @copper-boom  @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee  @on-socks-off @spn-marvel-nerd @lovelyelinor @chinamolina602  @sexytholland @28cnn  @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae@sunwardsss @meaganjm  @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @joshy-obx @classygirlything  @annmariek8 @stupidpendeja @killjoyybsinner @teenagekook @i-love-scott-mccall

[random-fandom1]

Lights were blaring, music blasting, sweaty bodies grinding against eachother. A hand touches Peter waist, lips attach themselves to his neck. A man, his name is James? What a strange name. A hot name. A perfect name for such a hot man. Moans escape him. Lips continue to assault his neck, a hand pulls him towards the exit

"Is this okay?"

That voice. If you could fall in love with voices, Peter would be walking down the aisle.

"yes"

-

8 years later

“Olly James Parker! Hurry up, you don't want to be late for your aunts! You know what MJ did last time.” Peter shudders remembering about how MJ purposely put sand in his salad the last time they were late. The quick patter of soft feet can be heard from the landing upstairs and suddenly a small boy dressed in overalls appears at the top of the stairs, a mop of brown curls covering his left eye.

"Where are we going daddy? Are we going to that fancy place Auntie Shuri took us last week? I didn't like that place, the big red things had strange eyes and the plates. They were, they were too big," The boy made huge over the top circles with his arms. Peter had to agree though, the plates were bloody huge, "I like the cafe Auntie MJ takes us too. I like Kath. She's nice. The pink doughnuts are my favourite" Peter listened to his son rant on about how pink doughnuts are his favourite from Cafe Asgard for about 5 minutes before speaking up. 

"There's no need to worry babe, Auntie MJ is picking the place I think. Shuri and MJ had bet on who stole more of the others clothes, turns out it was Shuri and then Shuri, being the competitive bitch she is decided to try and seduce -" Realising he was wandering off appropriate topics for a 7 year old, and that he'd slipped up twice in that story. He looks down to realise he's probably safe as the boy is still going on about how the sprinkles are the right amount of hard. "Go get your shoes on bud"

"Ok" and with that Olly ran down the hall, curls bouncing with every step. 

Peter couldn't help but admire his son. About how he was an exact copy of him, from the hair to the freckles scattered across his body. Olly carried his and his dad's intelligence and needed to figure out how stuff works. He was a total clone. Well, almost. He had his eyes. Those beautiful steel blue eyes, the ones that looked at him with so much passion that night. Peter cried when Olly opened his eyes for the first time, realising that he's going to have to be reminded of the man he fell in love with, the man who left him alone and pregnant in his bed, everyday for the rest of his life. He's going to be reminded of James.

Peter is pulled out of his thoughts by a small hand tugging his jacket. 

"Come on daddy, I hear a horn honking outside. I don't want Aunties MJ & Shuri to be mad at me" Olly says, looking at his father with huge eyes, genuinely scared of angering his impatient aunts. Resisting the urge to coo, He crouches down in front of his son and wraps him in a hug.

"Oh buddy, they'd never be mad at you...me though, that's a different story. So on that note, chop chop, I'm quite fond of my head" Peter stands up from his crouched position, takes Olly's hand and walks out the front door

-

"-and the dinosaur was big and green with spik-" 

"Ok Olls, I think that's enough of that story. Why don't we head inside" Peter said, holding a tight smile on his face. He unbuckled Olly and headed inside, followed closely by MJ and Shuri. MJ instantly headed towards their usual table beside the window while Shuri made her way into the queue where she instantly started talking to a brown haired man. 'Must be a friend from work' Peter thought. He crouched down to Olly’s level, "Why don't you go get a table with Auntie MJ and Auntie Shuri and I will order the food? You want a pink doughnut and a strawberry and banana milkshake, right?" Olly nodded and ran off towards MJ.

Peter took a moment to think about how he got to this very moment, about how he ended up having Olly. He thought back to the morning after. He woke up alone. James just slept with him, got up early in the morning and left without a word. Peter had to show himself out of his house. There was no note, no contact number, no nothing. All there was was a growing fetus and Peter who couldn't get the man with steel blue eyes and godlike voice out of his head. It was clear that he wanted nothing to do with Peter so in return, Peter decided that he didn't need him. That he can raise Olly by himself without another person. It helped that he had a big family and money was never an issue, seeing as his dad owns the biggest tech company in the world and his pops is a captain in the army. Sure he thought about going back to the flat, seeing if James felt the same way about him as he did. He wondered if Bucky would raise Olly with him, if they could be a family. He's shaken from his thoughts by his phone binging in his pocket. 

Pulling it out of his pocket, he sees a message from his pops. 

‘hey pete, do you know how to activate that protocol you used to wake us up with? Monster ear or something? dads fell asleep in his locked lab again. thanks, have a good day petey. love you x’ 

Peter lets out a chuckle when he reads the message. Trust his dad to forget to unlock the lab door. He starts to make his way over to where Shuri is holding their place in the line, typing back a reply to his pops. 

“-and then glenn tried to make me take out her copies, like who does she think i am - oh, Pete there you are. I thought you got lost on your way over. Here meet my boss, Bucky, he knows all about yo - get off your phone it's rude” Shuri says, getting annoyed by his ignorance. 

“Yeah, yeah. My pops is asking about commands again. I swear he never stops” he says, putting his phone into his back pocket and looking at Shuri. Peter was yet to look at the man in front of him, too busy giving Shuri a death glare.

“It's a pleasure to meet you Peter, Shuris told me a lot about you. She tells me almost daily about your latest mix up, I must say you have a lot.”

Peter freezes

Time stops

It's that voice, the voice he fell in love with. That deep and gruff voice with the right amount of softness on the edges. It's like music, the voice of angels.

He slowly turns his head to look at the man in front of him, watches as his eyes widen upon getting a full view of his face, realising washing over him. 

Everything around them become background noise

The only people left in the cosy cafe are them, scrap that actually, the only people in the whole world are them.

They must be zoned out for a while because suddenly Shuris snapping her fingers in between them. Peter's cheeks flush a dark scarlet and he closes his mouth which must have fallen open. 

“Peter, you have no idea how much I - fuck, Ive thought about this moment for so long, and I - god, I dont know what to say” Peters eyes snap back up to meet those eyes, those pools of steel blue. They haven't left his mind for years, haunted him around any corner he tried to turn. 

Thats when he realised, he was in love with him. He loved James, he hasn't seen him for years, met him once before that, but fuck, he loved him. 

“I-uh - I…”

“Daddy, whos this? His eyes look like mine. Isn’t that funny?” Olly comes over and stands next to his father, looking up at, well, his other father. Bucky looks down at Olly, then back up to Peter, then back down to Olly. You can practically see the gears turning in his head, probably trying to figure out who this is, probably piecing it together slowly. Peter gulps and then looks down at Olly.

“Olly, I told you to stay with Auntie MJ. You know what happened last ti -” Peters cut off for what feels like the 50th time today. 

“How old are you kid?” His voice is shaking 

“Don’t answer that”

“Whos your other daddy?”

“Don't answer that either, go back to Aun-”

“Answer me, how old are you kid?”

Olly is slightly hiding behind Shuris leg, not quite sure what to do. 

“You can’t just go around asking people you've slept with and then left alone to clean up the pieces with not even a contact number or note or anything’s kids how old they are, what is wrong with you?!”

Something flashes across Buckys face, regret and hurt, but they quickly go back to rage. Steel blue eyes turning into a stormy grey, like a storm at sea.

“I can if they may be my child!”

“That doesn't make it right!”

“For god's sake, stop being so difficult-”

“I’m being difficult? Do you hear yours-”

“I do funnily enough -”

They’re interrupted by a small voice

“Im almost eight…”

Both they’re heads snap round, looking at the source of the voice. There they see Olly holding up 8 fingers. Tears well up in James’ eyes, the final piece clicking into the jigsaw

“Hes my son..” Its barely above a whisper. Peter lets out a defeated sigh

“Yeah, he's your son” 

Slowly James crouches down to Olly's level. Olly looks him over, analyses him as if he's trying to figure out what's inside this man. It's scary that Bucky has the exact same look on his face. Eyebrows furrowed, steel eyes cloudy. It makes Peter's heart let out small flutters.

“Hey there kiddo, Im, well im your papa.” Olly takes a second to process what's just been said before running into his papas arms. Tears are streaming down his face. Both their faces. Scrap that, tears are running down most of the people in the cafe’s faces. 

“I've always wanted a papa, daddy always used to say that you went on a mission to space and that its taking a while. But he always said you’ll be back.” 

“Did he now?” Bucky looks into his eyes and all is said in that look. 

He was going to do whatever it takes to be a part of this family, to be with the man he loves and their son.

And Peter wouldn't have it any other way.

“Whats a bitch papa?”

Shuri cackles, an old lady gasps and Bucky's eyes widen comically

fuck.

[iwritesickfic]

boy who cried flu

(yes I am aware of how stupid this title is leave me alone)

Peter rarely - if ever - got sick. Nobody who didn’t know him well would believe it though - he had a long track record of absences and missed assignments, despite being a 3.9 GPA student. He’s flaked from social events and parties countless times, always citing he’s not “feeling well.” It’s not technically a lie, though he does lie sometimes. 

People understand physical illness - they know what it feels like to be stuck in bed with a bad cold - but mental illness? Not so much. So...he bends the truth. A professor won’t be very forgiving if you say you spent all weekend in bed because you couldn’t find the motivation to move, but say you had a bad cough? No one bats an eye.

So most people assume Peter has an awful immune system. That or he’s just a pussy who won’t leave the house with so much as a sore throat. Everyone except a select few - Simon, Ashlynn, and Alex. 

Simon’d been his friend since undergrad, and they’d been roommates for a time, so he knows exactly what Peter means when he says he “doesn’t feel well.” Ashlynn is the type to show up unannounced with a quart of homemade soup. And Alex...Alex was there when things had gotten out of hand. 

But just because they knew he was lying when he said he was sick didn’t mean he stopped using it as an excuse. Ashlynn, despite herself, would usually not question it. Simon wouldn’t think twice about the lie, almost taking it as a direct confession. Alex would usually get pissed off and demand some kind of proof.

They were supposed to go to the beach tomorrow - get up early and take the train together to rockaway. But somehow, for the first time in years, Peter has something more than some congestion. Something way more.

It started a few days ago, a runny nose and swollen sinuses. He slept like shit, and the next morning his throat was raw and he absolutely could not breathe through his nose. But he had class, so he took the train in and sat in his lecture and tried to keep his sniffling to a minimum. By the time he was headed home, he’d long since run out of clean tissues, so he tends to his nose with a damp scrap of napkin he found buried in his bag, his nostrils red and irritated from the abuse. 

By the time he gets home, his congestion has gone from a clogged, static brick in his head to leaky, runny mess, but he’s well aware he can’t take a day off from work on his thesis, so he sits in bed working until 2 AM, one hand wiping the mess from his upper lip, the other scribbling notes in his worn out pad. 

He wakes the next morning not sure when he fell asleep, his head pounding heavily behind his eyes, sinuses throbbing and inflamed. His throat feels swollen and hot, and the relentless sneezing that started the night before isn’t helping any. The two days prior, everything seemed to be concentrated in his head, but now it’s clear it’s migrating into his chest as well. Halfway through his day at work in the library, he starts to cough, wet and harsh. 

It doesn’t help that his body aches like he ran a marathon, and chills are coursing through him like ice water in his veins. By the end of the day he can’t wait to finally sit down and rest. His body’s been screaming for it since the moment he got out of bed, and all day shelving books has really taken its toll.

Unfortunately, he’s got an hour long commute and lucky for him, it’s standing room only. He grips the subway pole like a lifeline, his head spins every time the train rocks. He catches a glimpse of his reflection in the darkened window - he looks awful. Bags like bruises under his eyes that are rimmed in pink and half lidded, his nose irritated and red. A coughing fit tears through him, and he tries his best to catch it in his sleeve. His knees start to tremble as he tries to take deep breaths, and he’s startled when someone taps him on the shoulder.

“You wanna sit?” the woman asks, and it takes him a minute to realize she’s offering her seat. Normally, he’d suck it up, but he’s too miserable to refuse. He mumbles a thanks, and sinks down.

It takes all his self control not to fall asleep then and there.

By the time he’s back at his building, he’s seriously doubting he can climb four flights to get to the apartment. Part of him would rather just lay down in the lobby but he knows this is the final stretch before he can climb into bed and sleep.

He’s interrupted by several fits of coughs, and by the time he’s reached the fourth floor he’s practically gasping for air, and soaked in sweat. The chills he had all day have swapped with an oppressive heat that makes him feel almost lightheaded. 

Somehow, he’s quite sure, he manages to stumble to bed, stripping off his damp clothes, the cool air on his slick skin throwing him back into shaking chills. Just as he’s about to let himself be sucked into sleep, his eyes fly open. Tomorrow. 6 AM. He’s supposed to go to the beach. There is no fucking way he is going to the beach.

He texts their group chat with trembling fingers.

hey im real sick i cant go tomorrow

There’s an immediate reply from Alex.

don’t fuckin do this man. we’re going.

A text from Simon.

you’ll feel better if you leave the house, you always do.

He sighs, cursing himself for using this shitty excuse so much now no one will take him seriously.

im serious i feel like trash

Alex answers immediately.

PETER. youre not sick youre being a pussy. we’re going to the fucking beach and we’re having a good time.

Simon responds.

chill alex.

if youre depressed thats fine but maybe consider coming still it might help.

i mean i’d feel better if you came

Peter groans.

im sick. like sick sick. like flu sick.

Alex shoots back quickly.

ok then what are your symptoms?

Peter rubs his eyes, trying to relieve some of the throbbing. 

fever, chills, aches, cough, runny nose, headache, tired.

There’s a moment of silence and he places his phone on his bedside table with a sigh. He’s about to go under when his phone starts to buzz. Once. Twice. Three times. He swears, grabbing it. Three texts from Alex. The first is a screenshot of the symptom list that appears when you google “flu” which just happens to be in identical order.

you need to be more creative

seriously man im not letting you miss this. we planned this months ago. dont be a dick.

Finally, Ashlynn chimes in.

you dont need to lie p, its ok if you dont wanna come.

While Peter would like to further argue that he’s not in fact lying, he just doesn’t have the energy. At this point, it doesn’t matter what they think. He’s not going - who gives a shit why? He’s able to fall asleep almost immediately, but unfortunately, he doesn’t really stay asleep.

He wakes up about every 45 minutes, coughing or shivering or burning or all three. After his fourth or fifth jolt awake he can’t for the life of him seem to get any rest. Every time he’s about to drift off, another coughing fit explodes from his chest and leaves him trembling. He’s hot, but he’s not sweating, which he realizes vaguely must mean he’s dehydrated. As the night wears on and his condition continues to worsen, he wonders if he should call an uber to take him to the ER. He can’t afford it, not in the slightest, but he’s not sure he’s ever felt this terrible before. Somehow, he remembers there’s an old thermometer in the kitchen. An old roommate had bought it thinking it would work for deep frying but didn’t realize the range only spanned from 95 to 107.

He needs to take his temperature. See how serious this actually is. He can’t remember the last time he actually ran a fever, so he’s not sure if this is just par for the course or whether this level of misery is cause for alarm.

He stumbles into the kitchen, and for once he’s glad to live in such a god-awfully tiny studio. He lands heavily against the counter, and rummages through the drawer to find the small device. After what feels like an eternity, he manages to grab it with shaking hands, fumbling with the buttons for a moment before flipping on the small kitchen light. 

He sticks it under his tongue, it feels like ice. He tries to coach himself on what he’s going to do. If it’s over 100, he’ll go to the hospital. No, that’s too low. 102?Still maybe too ambitious of a goal. It’s then he realizes he’s really just trying to justify what he’s going to do anyway - save himself an ER bill and stay in bed. He’s jerked out of his thoughts when the small device beeps and he removes it carefully from under his tongue. 

The display flashes 103.2. He doesn’t really know what that means but after a quick google search it’s not exactly any clearer. It’s bad, but not bad enough to cause brain damage, supposedly. Fuck it, that’s good enough for him. He climbs shakily back into bed, the small excursion has left him absolutely exhausted. 

He needs medicine. He knows that. Some tylenol at the very least, but if he can barely walk to the kitchen he doesn’t know how in hell he’s getting out the door, down the stairs, to the pharmacy, and back again. So, he’ll just have to live with it. 

He spends the rest of the night in and out of half-sleep, each coughing fit seeming to drive the illness deeper into his lungs. His nose has started to run again, and each rub with the already-used tissue makes his poor sensitive nostrils burn in protest.

The next morning he wakes to the harsh, deafening drone of his apartment’s buzzer system. He cracks his eyes and checks the time. 6:42 AM. Whoever the fuck it is can wait, he’d like to suffer in peace. Still, as he tries to slip back into the sleep the buzzer continues to go off and after about five minutes, he sits up in bed, fighting the wave of dizziness that washes over him. He stumbles to the keypad and presses the button that opens the lobby door, and the buzzing finally - mercifully - ceases. 

He grabs a t shirt from a pile on the floor and pulls on a pair of boxers - he doesn’t know if he’d be able to stand anything more with the way his fever is raging. He sits on the edge of his bed, trying to catch his breath, quickly breaking down into another awful fit of coughs. Just as he’s finished, he hears a heavy knock on the door. Sighing, he forces himself up, padding slowly over to the door, trying not to aggravate the dizziness any further. He pulls open the door and is confused to see not an overzealous delivery person, but his three friends. 

He stares dumbly for a moment before a breath catches in his throat and he breaks into thick, wet coughs. He sniffles, wiping his nose with his wrist, before looking back up at them.

“What?” he mumbles, and there’s an awkward silence. 

“Shit,” Alex finally says and Peter sniffles.

“What do you want?” he repeats, surprised at the hoarse, broken quality of his voice. Does he really sound that bad? Ashlynn pushes forward, wrapping him in a tight hug. She’s short, so her face is pressed into his chest, and he stumbles back slightly.

“Oh Peter,” she whispers, and he swallows, closing his eyes. She pulls away, and he has to force them open again. She she presses a hand to his forehead. Her palm feels cool but uncomfortable against his oversensitive skin. “You’re burning up.”

“I know,” he murmurs, wishing the conversation could be over so he can go lie down and not have to explain himself to his friends. He sighs, and narrowly avoids another coughing fit. “Are you gonna come in or you just all gonna stand there?” They exchange looks. “Well?”

Ashlynn pushes past him, followed by Simon and finally Alex. Peter shuts the door and tries his best not to look as fucked up as he feels walking to sit in one of his kitchen chairs. 

“What do ya’ll want?” he asks Simon and Alex, Ashlynn already digging through the medicine cabinet.

“We don’t want anything we were just concerned,” Simon says.

“Then why do you look so fucking shocked?” Peter snaps, even though he knows Simon is only telling the truth.

“Because I was 100% sure you were bullshitting,” Alex says. Peter is far too tired to get into a verbal sparring match with Alex, but he tries halfheartedly anyway.

“Still sure?” before Alex can reply Ashlynn is back with a damp washcloth and the thermometer he’d used the night before. She lays the cloth on the back of his neck, and he can’t help the small whine that escapes. 

“Open,” she says, and he does. She places the thermometer under his tongue gingerly, and strokes some of his hair off his forehead. “You don’t have anything? For this?” Peter shakes his head. She presses her lips into a line. “Simon and me are gonna go out and grab some stuff, ok?”

“That’s not necessary.” His voice is almost slurred with the fever, and as if on cue the thermometer beeps. Ashlynn frowns at the reading. She shakes her head.

“Christ, Peter.” She touches his forehead again, this time with the back of her hand. “103.6 and it’s not necessary?”

“I don’wanna be lectured.”

“I’m not lecturing.” She spends another moment fussing with his hair before getting up, grabbing Simon. “We’re going to get some stuff, we’ll be back. Alex, make sure he doesn’t die, ok?” It’s clear Alex is about to protest, but Ashlynn levels him with a glare. They leave, and then it’s just Peter and Alex.

Alex stands by the door, hands in his pockets. It’s a while before either of them speaks.

“What was I supposed to think?” he finally says, and Peter tries to swallow his anger.

“I don’t know, man.” He runs a hand through his greasy, sweat damp hair. He starts to shiver again, wrapping his arms around his torso. Alex takes a careful step forward.

“You get why I wouldn’t believe you, right?”

“Yes, Alex.” The chills are now back in full force, he’s sure he must be shaking like a leaf. He wants nothing more than this conversation to be over, but Alex doesn’t seem to be getting to message.

“You never get sick. Ever. So what am I-”

“I get it. It’s fine. Just...stop talking. Please.” He’s shaking so bad he can feel his teeth chattering. He pulls his knees to his chest. He closes his eyes, praying something - anything - will warm him up. He hears footsteps and fumbling, then feels a dry, warm blanket being tucked around his shoulders. He looks up, and Alex is standing there, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Do you wanna lay down or something?” The thought of climbing back into his sweat damp sheets makes him cringe, so he shakes his head. “Why not?”

“S’gross, I sweat a ton.” 

Alex nods.

“Right. What about the couch? You can lay on the couch and I can do your laundry.” 

Getting horizontal sounds heavenly, so he nods, and Alex touches his shoulder, quickly pulling his hand back.

“What the fuck - dude, you’re like...on fire. Shit.” He tests the side of his neck and winces. “Fuck.”

“Can you just help me?” Peter is embarrassed at how small and sick his voice sounds, and the fact he’s asking Alex of all people for help, but he knows if he tries to do it on his own he’s going to fall and crack his skull.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” He wraps an arm around Peter’s waist, and supports him the few feet to the couch. It’s not very far but his knees go weak about halfway there and he’s glad Alex is holding him. As soon as he gets onto the couch, he curls on his side and closes his eyes. “You’re ok?” Peter nods, and Alex pats his shoulder awkwardly. “Ok. Cool. Just...stay there, I guess.” Peter can hear him starting to strip the bed.

“I was maybe gonna go for a run,” he mumbles, and Alex laughs softly. 

“Definitely. Then I’ll enroll at NYU for my bachelor’s.”

“You’re just jealous you don’t have all my debt.”

“You’re right. I’ve been trying to rack up some credit card bills but so far no luck.”

Peter opens his eyes to see Alex with the bundle of sheets in his arms and the bottle of detergent. He pauses for a second, shifting from foot to foot.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and Peter swallows hard.

“I know man, it’s ok.” Alex smirks.

“Alright. Don’t die while I’m gone.”

[huckleberrysclutterbucket]

LOSING CONTROL

Lucas tries to keep his temper under control, but sometimes is just imposible.

Lucas POV

Control, is a small word with a big meaning. My dad used to say after I got in a fight, “If you could control your temper, you wouldn´t be in this situation”. I got sent to the principal´s office several times, I got suspended twice. My dad had business in New York and saw an opportunity to help me start over. And I did. I had everything under control, or so I thought.

First day, I haven´t even reached school, I meet this girl, she walks up to me like she owns the freaking subway and makes a number for her friend. They are both cute. The fisty one is named Maya and the other one Riley. I get to school and enter my new classroom, I was held back a year since I spent most of it in detention or suspended, and to my surprise, both girls are in my class. And to top it all, my history teacher is Riley’s father. 

As soon as Maya recognize my accent, I was doomed. She wouldn’t waste a chance to call me names and make fun of me. Little did she knew, instead of irking me, I loved those names she gave me, Huckleberry, Sundance Kid, Ranger Rick. All western. The girl did her homework, she knew what I liked. It was time for me to find out what she liked and get to her. 

As time passed, we became friends, even Farkle accepted me in his group. Riley was the one who kept us all together, even in the most difficult times, she always had faith in our friendship. I did noticed the moon eyes, she likes me, really likes me, in a romantic way, but I’m not into romantic stuff, so I never really asked her out. I was more intrigued about Maya, she’s more about act first think later, kinda reminds me of myself. Tuff exterior and soft in the inside, like a lobster. I wonder what made her put up all those walls around her. It seems like the only person she lets in is Riley. I really wanted to get to know her.

Everything seemed to be under control, untill Maya asked me to beat up a kid that was bulling Farkle. I worked so hard to keep my temper under control, change my old ways. I told her we shouldn’t use violence, it never ends well. We were in gym class when Billy, my team mate, started bulling Farkle, I lost my temper and pushed Billy, I had him pinned to the wall and was about to trow the first punch when Maya jumped on my back and stopped me. “Lucas, don’t!” “Isn’t this what you wanted Maya?” “No. Thats what he wants, he wants you to be like him” Hearing her anxious words in my ear and feeling her heart beating so fast on my back made me realize that she was scared. I imediately returned to my calmed self and talked some sense into Billy. That was the first time I almost lost control. If it wasn’t for Maya, I would have ended up in a fight again.

Valentines day came, and this girl asked me out, Missy Bradford. She was the most popular girl in our grade. Then something funny happened, Riley got jelous. She looked so cute all mad about it. I had a talk with Farkle about the girls, he knew them better anyways. That’s how I learned that Farkle was inlove with both Riley and Maya, and he wanted to know if I would ask one of them out, so he could ask the other. That was weird, so I asked “And what if I pick the other one?” and he just said “Then I get the first one! how long do you wanna play this game?” Was this a game for him? Ok then. I can play along. 

Maya, had other plans in mind, she asked me out instead, the girl has nerve and wasn’t going to sit around waiting for us to make a choice, and I’m not afraid to admit I kinda like that about her. She told me to pick her up at Riley’s and I was so thrilled to do so, but I was ambushed. Maya set me up to date Riley, luckly Mr Matthews wouldn’t let her go unless Maya and Farkle came too, as long as she was there I didn’t care. The four of us took the subway, I kept stealing glances at Maya  and noticed she kept looking at some older guy a few seats ahead. Suddenly she walked straight to that dude and started talking to him, was she flirting? Riley noticed me staring at Maya and explained to me. Josh Matthews, he was her uncle. And apparently Maya had the biggest crush on him.

Maya sat beside Josh, and after a few words were crossed I could tell he said something that hurt her feelings. He got off the train on the next stop, leaving Maya with sad eyes. I wanted to punch that guy so much. I almost did, but then I remembered I was supposed to be dating Riley. I told her to go sit with Maya and see if she was ok, but Maya pushed Riley back to me. That’s when Riley fell on my lap and kissed me. It lasted just a second, but I stood frozen, it seemed like time had stopped. I just sat there, wondering if anybody else saw that, more like, wondering it Maya saw Riley kissing me. I didn’t tell anyone about it.

No one knew about my conflicted past, untill Zay came along with his big mouth. That month his family moved to New York, and my old childhood friend transfered to this school too. He’s only been here a week and I’ve already got in a fight. All the work I put on having my temper under control goes to hell. His big mouth got him in troube with a senior and I had to get in troube to save his ass, again. I got detention for friday after school. Thanks a lot Zay. To my surprise Maya was there too. She got in trouble but wouldn’t tell me why. I walked her home after detention, I find out her mom works until late and her dad is not around since she was 5, we were in detention together a few times after that. Apparently she doesn’t like to do homework. I must confess I got into a few fights just to get in detention so I could walk her home.

I always sat behind Maya, that way was easier to catch on the details. I still wanted to get to know her. That’s how I noticed all the little drawings on the edge of her notes. She hated science and chemestry, I was her lab partner, it was basically like having no partner at all, she would fall asleep in my hand, literally. But I didn’t mind. I even liked to do all our projects together, more like me doing the project while I watched her sleep or doodle. Sometimes I took her to my house so that she would fall asleep in my bed. How I loved to smell my pillow. The scent of her shampoo lingered for a while after she was gone.

We had a school dance, the semi formal. I was supposed to ask Riley to go to the dance with me, but I never did. I asumed we were all going together as a group. However, Charlie Gardner had other plans, he asked Riley to be his date to the semi formal when I failed to do so, and she said yes just to try to get me jelous. I was kinda not okay with her childish behavior, so I got irritated but then again, Maya didn’t had a date, and I finnaly had a chance to dance with her. And I did. 

At school things were not going great. Not only I had a bunch of homework and projects, but the Art class was about to be canceled. Is the only class Maya actually enjoys. Even when Maya said she was ok with it, and that it was just a class, or just a hobby, I knew her better by then. That class was very important to her, it was her escape from all the stress in her life, I could see that sadness in her eyes and I couldn’t stand it. We did all we could think of to convince the board to keep the arts program at school. And we succeded.

Riley’s and Maya’s friendship used to be the strongest, but now it seemed so fragile, to the point of crazyness. Me and Maya were voted as “best couple” on the yearbook, and when Riley and Farkle noticed, it was like if all hell broke loose. Riley was sinking into depressed Riley wich she called Morotia M Black. Maya tried to bring her back by pretending to be Riley. Farkle was angry too because he wanted to be “taken seriously”. I didn’t understand what was happening back then because I’ve always taken him seriously, but he changed his style and now he wanted to be called Donny Barnes. It seemed to me there was someone else he wanted to impress. Someone in particular that he wanted to notice him or to take him more seriously.

Zay told the girls about my accident riding a sheep when I was four. On vacation we went to Texas, more like Riley and Maya signed me up to ride a sheep to “overcome my fear of falling from Judy”. I would have appreciated their effort if it wasn’t for the fact that grown men don’t ride sheep, they ride bulls. So accidentally they signed me up to ride a freaking bull named Tumbstone, like if the name didn’t freak me out enough. What the hell were they thinking? Riley was trying to cheer me up, “You can do it Lucas, You’ll do great” but Maya, she knew how scared I was, and she knew why. I could die or get seriously injured. “If you do this, I’ll never speak to you again” she told me. But Pappy Joe was proud of me for doing this, and had already told all the town I was doing it, leaving me no room to back off from it without looking like a coward. Even though I didn’t got hurt and I could only ride the bull for four lousy seconds, it was enough to hurt Maya’s feelings.

That night we made a bonefire, we sat around it and talked, Riley broke up with me finally. She told me that Maya teases me because she’s attracted to me. Zay left with Riley and Farkle to “get ice cream” wile I talked to Maya alone. I asked her myself about it and she denied it. Against my better judgement, I lost control of myself again, I wanted to hear her say it so bad, I push and cornered her, “If you don’t like me, then why do you make fun of me? And why didn’t you wanted me to ride the bull?”  “Because I didn't wanted you to win and get all coincided”. Yeah right... Lamest answer. I knew I was getting close to a confession, so I kept pushing her “Why do you make fun of me?” “Because you’re easy to make fun of” “That’s not it” I walked so close to her, I could almost hear her heartbeat “Because you are a Huckleberry” she was becoming more agitated and kept yelling all this western nicknames at me. I couldn’t take it anymore, so the moment she hahurred in my face, I reached with both hands for her face and I kissed her. It was a soft kiss and it ended too soon but it worked, she stopped. And most importantly, she let her walls down. “Why did you do that?” She asked me. I was dumbstruck... I had kissed her. I didn’t knew what to do next. What should I say? “I’m sorry. I… I didn’t know how to make you stop” Now I was too nervous. I blew it… from all the things I could have said... I apologized? “Don’t have to be sorry. Of course I like you Huckleberry, if you got hurt I don’t know what I woud have done”. I made her say it, and I didn’t felt any better about it.

Back home we were all a wreck. Riley was still upset about me liking Maya, and she started going out with Charlie Gardner. How I hate that guy. Farkle started dating Smackle, and I asked Maya out. We had a smoothie, well my head had a smoothie, my “I delivered a baby horse” line didn’t work on her. I should have known that it wouldn’t. She’s not like other girls, she isn’t looking for a prince or a hero to save the day. I was in real trouble, Riley was so easy to impress, she was happy to hear my cowboy adventures. But Maya made fun of me, I had to work hard if I wanted to impress Maya.

New year came, Riley made a party in her house. Oddly enough, it was Charlie the one who invited me, so irritating, but everything about him was irritating. At the party, Maya and I couldn’t catch a break. We sat alone by the baywindow only to be third wheeled by Riley. Then we were having this moment, at the balcony, it felt so romantic and I was about to lean in for a kiss, when Farkle came running and ruined the moment by announcing “Riley still loves Lucas”. Wait what? Seriously? Then Riley broke up with Charlie. I wasn’t going to break up with Maya. Not a chance.

That’s how we started this weird triangle thing. Maya wouldn’t go out with me anymore since Riley was back in the picture. Their friendship was healing and they didn’t want to hurt each other. We tried to be just friends for a while, but the truth is, we couldn’t. I like Maya way too much.

We started High school and it was full of changes and new challenges. Both girls introduced me as their boyfriend, I could hardly keep up with them both, and to top it all, Riley demanded too much attention. She was naive and gullable, we had to keep an eye on her all the time, I snaped a few times at Riley, Maya tried to stay out, but everytime Riley would ask Maya to scream at me too. It was getting ridiculous. So Maya decided to drop out, she broke up with me and asked me to “go tell Riley that you love her”. I could never say no to her, so I stayed with Riley. When she asked about Maya, I was honest and told her the truth “She’s the one who sent me to you”. She didn’t seemed to mind, she was happy I stay even if that meant loosing Maya. I wasn’t too happy.

I went out with  Riley for a while, untill she moved to London, we never officially broke up, the relationship just froze. Her mom got a very good job offer and her whole family moved. We tried the long distance thing but it was harder than I thought. Specially after I found out that the only reason Maya broke up with me was because Riley’s uncle told her to. Josh and Maya started dating after that. Not that you could call that dating. He was in college and hardly got any time to see her, she spent most of her time alone in Toppanga’s coffee shop reading some novels. I know because, after Riley moved to London, I started going there too to keep her company. We had good times there. 

It was like going back in time, back to when we used to date. But this time she had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend, only they weren’t here. I spent almost all afternoons with Maya, we became very close friends. Except when Josh was “available”. I really hated that guy, and I could tell he felt threaten by me. One time we had an argument, after that He tried to stop Maya from hanging out with me, as if someone could force Maya to do something. She broke up with him after that. Farkle and Izzy broke up too, and before we knew what was happening we all went our separate ways. Zay and Izzy started a relationship, hanging out on their own. Farkle stopped hanging out with us too. Somehow now that he was single he seemed to be very busy, on his computer or his phone, but always talking to someone. I spent almost all my free time with my football friends, at parties or with Maya. Mostly with Maya. We would have movie nights. It started as a group thing in the livingroom, but since Zay, Farkle and Izzy ditched us most of the times, we stopped inviting them. Now it was just the two of us, laying on my bed, talking and watching movies while we ate junk food untill we fell asleep.

We were watching one of those teen movies, when the typical sex scene began. Maya started a conversation. A sex talk to be exact. “Huckleberry, do you think we should have sex right now? I mean not you and me, but you and Riley, and me and someone else?” “Why now?” “Because, you’ll be 18 very soon, and Riley is only 16, it would be ilegal, and right now is not” “But I’m not in a hurry to have sex. Besides, even if I wanted to, Riley is in London” “But, she’ll be back for the summer, after prom” “Like I said, I’m not in a hurry to have sex,” “But, doesn’t it bothers you to be the only guy in the football team with a V card?” “Does it bothers you?” “No. but is different with guys. I’m sure they must have teased you about it” “Well, they don’t know I’m a virgin. They think I have too much sex actually” “Really? With whom?” How can I explain to her that every guy in the team thinks she’s my girlfriend and they know we hang out in my bedroom, almost daily.

Here it goes... “Remember when we were freshmen and you told everybody you were my girlfriend?” “Yeah, so?” “Well... They also know that you and I hang out in my room most afternoons” “How would they know that?” I reach for my phone in my jeans and give it to her. She looks at me because she knows which picture I have as background, she took it herself. Is her in my bed, wearing just my jersey and I’m shirtless next to her. “This doesn’t prove anything” she says but I tell her to unlock it, she knows my passcode. And I see her questioning face. “What am I supposed to do with this?” “Read” I’ve been ditching my friends to hang out with her and it has been buzzing with stupid ass coments about my sex life all day. Is a group chat with the football team. I already know what it says but I wait for her to read it. “Friar? you in for later?” “We are at Ross house.” “WHERE RU?” “You coming?” “He’s coming all right. In the gf” “He’s Banging the GF?” “They allways banging” “I’m so jelous” “You dog” “Too much sex has to be bad for your game” “Dude, he killed last game!” “Then keep it up” “Is up allright” “hahaha” “LOL” ...

She stops reading the texts and looks at me with horror in her eyes once the realization of what’s going on hits her. “So they think we are having sex? Like right now?” “Yes. Basically.” “oh my god, they think I’m a whore!” “No no no. They think you’re my girlfriend” “Why didn’t you tell them I’m not?!” “Would you rather let them think we have casual sex?”  “No! No wonder no one ever asks me out. I’m sigle and a virgin because of you!” “Would you rather loose your virginity to some idiot who would dump you next week?” “Yes! Damn it. I don’t wanna be a virgin anymore. I’ll even give it up to the next guy that asks me out!”

And right there I lost my temper again. The single thought of someone else touching her drove me mad, “I would never allow that! Everyone knows you’re off limits!” “Why would you do that to me?!” “I didn’t do it by myself you know! You are the one taking intimate pictures, cheering at my games, waiting for me after practice, I drive you everywhere, you wear my letter jacket like a girlfriend would.... You even sit on my lap for christ sake! What do you think it looks like when you spend the night in my bed?! Even my mom gives me freaking condoms because she thinks we’re fucking!” I knew I shouldn’t have said that the moment it came out of my mouth. Me and my goddamn temper. 

I was livid, and Maya was furious at me. “Even your mom thinks I’m a whore! I’m a virgin whore. What are the odds?...”  “You’re not a whore… They think you are my-“ “Don’t you dare say girlfriend, because you know is not real!” “WAKE UP MAYA! Is as real as if we were already fucking!” “SHUT UP! You’re Riley’s boyfriend!” “Pff please… we both know that relationship died way before she even left” “I can’t believe this... How could I be so stupid?” “Why don’t you admit that you like to pretend to be my girlfriend” “No, I don’t!” I had to make her say it “Then why are you here Maya?” “Because you invited me to watch a stupid movie!” “No. Why are you here, with me, in my bedroom?” With every word, I would take a step closer to her, until I cornered her to the wall. “Why spending the night in my bed when you know very well spooning you gives me a raging boner?” “I didn’t know.” “Stop... just stop lying already!” I was angry and I reached the wall, “What do you want me to say? That I want to lure you into having sex with me?” I had her trapped between me and the wall, I slammed my palms to the wall, on each side of her head “No! That you still love me! Because you know damn well that I still do!” I crashed my lips and claimed hers.

For the second time in my life I kissed Maya Hart, only this time I wasn’t gentle, I wasn’t a nervous kid and she wasn’t a scared little girl anymore. We had all this sexual tension and frustration we were eager to let out. She kissed me back with the same lust as me. Having her in my bedroom was just asking for trouble. She wanted sex and I was dying to give her just that. I slid my hands from her back to her waist, then down her  hips, to her ass and held her up, she wrapped her legs on my waist grinding her hips to me, and I was gone. I lost control to my hormones. Next thing I know, I had her on my bed, me on top of her. My hands touching all her curves, Maya’s legs arround me and pulling me down, between her legs, I’m grinding myself to her, enjoing the feeling of that friction and her soft moans. I was about to make the rumors true, already yanking the elastic band of her underwear, but then my mom walked in. She slammed the door and as she walked down the hall I heard her mutter “Just friends my ass”.

I got off of Maya as fast as I could “Fuck! Fucking freaking fuck!”, she was panting. I turned to watch the tv, the movie was over, the music and credits were on. We calmed down a bit, she sat on the bed, and some tears ran down her cheeks as she fixed her clothes. I made her cry. I sat on the bed with her. “I’m sorry, I swear I didn’t planned this” “How could I let this happen? I’m so stupid. What’s gonna happen when Riley comes back and someone tells her that you and I.” “I’ll tell her the truth, and then I’ll break it up, officialy” “She’s gonna hate me” “She knows our thing is over Maya. We haven’t even talked for weeks” “This can’t happen again. Never!” She put her sneakers on and ran away from me, out of my room, and out of the house. My mom was in the kitchen. “Isn’t your girlfriend staying for dinner?” “Not my girfriend mother. And No, we weren’t having sex, we were just making out. If we ever decide to have sex, I’ll wear those damn condoms.” I told her very irritated and ran after Maya.

She was walking down the corner when I caught up with her, and conviced her to get on the car so I could drive her home. I could tell by her red cheeks that she was very embarassed about what was about to happen in my room. “Maya, don’t worry. If it makes you feel better, tomorrow morning I will tell everybody we are both virgins” “I don’t care about that.” “Then what is it?” “We were about to... This is going to kill our friendship” “I’ll deal with Riley when she gets back. But right now, we need to talk about what just happened” “I can’t do this... we have to stop” “Believe me, I tried to stop, but I can’t. I’ve tried for so long, and I’m done holding back” “I can’t” “I’m loosing my mind here Maya, I have these intense feelings for you that you were reciprocating just a few minutes ago” “We can’t be friends anymore Lucas” “We were never just friends Maya, the scene in my room just proved it. You’re just too stuborn to accept that” We stopped movie nights until we could figure our relationship out. Maya was avoiding me at school, with all the finals, and prom everybody was too busy to even notice, and the ones who did, just pinned it for a couple’s argument.

End of term came sooner than expected. And so did a certain brunette. It was the week before prom and I had just asked Maya to be my date. Flowers, ballons, chocolates, the whole thing. I wanted her back in my life. She said yes. I came back home and Riley was at my door. “Riles, hi” “hey! I’m back” “Yes, I can see that... Come in. So what brings you here?” “I came to be your prom date, I meant to surprise you in school but you were gone and I had an interesting chat with some of your friends” “Yeah, we need to talk” “About you screwing my best friend behind my back?” “Oh... so, you heard” “All the fucking school knows. It’s humiliating!” “Yeah... But it isn’t true” “what about all these pictures in your locker?” I had forgoten about all the photos I had in my locker, nothing bad, just some pictures of me and Maya, movie night, parties, after a game, and my favorite where she had my letter jacket on because it was cold that night.. “You went trough my stuff?” “Was it a secret? I kinda had the impression it was public knowledge”

It wasn’t the fact that Riley didn’t believe me, or trusted me, I didn’t cared about that. It was the fact that the lie would ruin Maya’s and Riley’s frindship that made me confess all of it to Riley. “It was all fake Riley, you should know by now, Maya wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. She didn’t even knew about that stupid rumor until recently, and honestly I didn’t care enough to tell people it wasn’t true”. “But why?” “Because I like spending time with her, we have fun together, and it was easy to let the guys think whatever to get them off my back and hers” “Do you love her again?” “I never stopped loving her Riley, but you already knew that.” 

“You look happy together in all those pictures” “Yeah... that’s probably because we are.” “So, how does it work? She pretends to be your girlfirend?” “No Riley, we are not pretending, we just hang out together, like we always have, without labels. At least that was untill last week” “What happened last week?” “I told her about said lie. We had a fight and then I kissed her. But before you jump into conclussions, you should know that she freaked out and ran away from me” “She still loves you” “I know she does” “But she’ll never admit it” “Because she thinks you still love me. She cares more about you than herself” “Was she happy?” “The happiest I’ve ever seen her”. Somehow, even when she was the same Riley, she seemed different, more mature. She wasn’t really mad at me. She just seemed lost in thought. “I go away for a few months and you all wonder like scathered sheep” she joked. Riley excussed herself and left to go find Maya. Baywindow duty, and I’m guessing trying to fix all this mess we were in. I just hope that I didn’t ruined their friendship. Maya would never forgive me otherwise.

Maya called me that same afternoon, saying she couldn’t be my date to prom. She was still going, just not with me. I guessed it had something to do with Riley, but I wasn’t going to go with Riley so, I refused to go.  I was tired of falling into that game. I decided to stop playing it. Prom day came, it was a clouded sky that day, and so was my brain. I decided to show up last minute, I had to see her on her dress. I changed to my formal clothes, my cowboy hat, my rose, and I drove to prom. As soon as I got out of my car, it was pouring rain, I walk down to the door and stoped, right there trough the glass I could see her. She looked beautiful, dancing and spining on the dancefloor, her bouncing golden curls, sorrounded by all her friends, Izzy, Zay, Riley and Farkle, all together again, it seemed so surreal.

As they were dancing, Riley caught my eyes, she was staring at me, watching me with a devilish smile, while Maya was dancing oblivious to us. Then I remember why I liked Riley, she just had to fix everything. From where I was standing outside in the rain, I couldn’t hear a word, but I saw Riley lean into Maya and whisper something to her ear. Maya nodded, and closed her eyes happily. I didn’t loose her from my sight, as Riley took Maya’s hands and led her right in front of me. I was breathless, watching her laugh with her eyes still closed. Riley made eye contact with me and opened the glass door, then whisper something in her ear and left. Maya counted to three outloud and opened her eyes to see me.

“One, two, three.” “Hi” “Hey. You’re here” “Yeah, I wouldn’t miss seeing you in that dress for the world” “You should come in... the storm.” “I don’t mind” “Don’t you wanna come in and dance with us?” “There’s only one person I’m interested in” I gave her the red rose and then I took her hand and pulled her outside. The rain was still falling and she was getting wet. She came near me and hugged me, I put my arms around her as I swayed to the rithm of the music. It was a slow dance. I told her softly to her ear “I missed you so much” and she stopped dancing. I looked at her face as she looked deeply into my eyes and when she was about to speak, I kissed her. Only, this time, after she kissed me back, she didn’t pushed me away. It was so weird, how things turned around. Maya used to be the one who pushed Riley and me together, ever since we met. And now it was Riley the one who finally was pushing Maya towards me. She wouldn’t have me any other way. I told her “I love you, even with that stubborn head of yours”. She laughed and said “I love you, even with that bad temper of yours”.

[illfoandillfie]

Hangover Cure

Pairing: Ben Hardy x Fem!Reader

Summery: Ben is hungover from a night out with the boys and can’t fully remember what happened, luckily you’ve got some evidence.

Warnings: Smut, mentions of drinking, f receiving oral, squirting, face sitting,

Words: 4233

A/N: Small disclaimer: I don’t drink, I have never been drunk, all my knowledge of being drunk and hangovers and stuff comes from watching TV/movies (and maybe a little bit of googling). Anyway, that hangover photo Ben posted on insta destroyed me and I had to write something inspired by it! Ben gives off a vibe like he would fucking love going down on his girl, so have like 3k words of pussy worship  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tagslist: @idontbelievethiss

When you woke up you were still pressed close to Ben, his bare leg flung over yours, almost nose to nose. You lay there for a while, blinking the sleep from your eyes, listening to his deep breaths, before the need to pee made you untangle yourself and leave the bed. Your mobile phone caught your eye as you got up, the screen lit up with a staggering number of voicemail messages. Ben had been out last night, catching up with the rest of ‘the band’ and, apparently, he had a problem with drinking and dialling. You’d already listened to a few of them before you fell asleep but he’d clearly continued phoning well into the early hours of the morning. The last was from a little after three o’clock which, by your estimation, wasn’t long before he’d arrived home. Clearly the boys had had a fun night, starting with dinner at around 6.30 PM and ending, for Ben at least, with waking you as he stumbled into your room and noisily removed his jeans and shoes, in that order. You’d turned on your lamp to see what was going on and his face broke into a grin when he saw you. “Y/N! What’re you doing here?” his speech was slurred and much too loud. “I live here Ben,” you said, sleepily rubbing your face, “with you.” You could almost see the gears in his head turning as he stared at you like he was trying to solve a riddle. “Just come to bed,” you yawned, tapping his side of the bed. He nodded and crawled under the blankets as you turned the lamp back off. His hands automatically reached for you, pulling you close as you lay back down and shut your eyes.  

Ben slept in past midday. You checked on him a couple of times, but he remained fast asleep and snoring. It wasn’t until you were walking past your room in the afternoon that you heard him groan. You stood in the doorway for a moment, watching as Ben threw an arm over his eyes, face scrunched up against the light coming in through the window. “I take it you had a good night then,” You said as you padded across the room, pausing next to Ben and running your fingers through his messy hair. Ben let his arm fall back to his side and squinted up at you, “Maybe a little too good.” He groaned again, rubbing his temple. “Yeah, you smell like an ashtray that’s been washed out in whisky.” “I don’t even remember drinking whisky,” he groaned. “Stay here, I’ll be back with a hangover cure,” you chuckled, dropping a kiss to his forehead before you left. In the kitchen, you pulled out a tray and loaded it up with a glass of water, a couple of painkillers, two coffees and a stack of buttered toast. Entering your room, you found Ben sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. “You okay, honey?” you asked as you placed the tray on the nearest nightstand. “Thought I was gonna throw up. False alarm.” “Take these,” you handed him the water and painkillers. “Thanks babe,” He mumbled before swallowing the pills. “D’you want a coffee?” “Please,” he said switching the glass for his mug, “I hope Joe’s head hurts twice as much as mine.” “What’d Joe do?” You grabbed your own mug and the plate of toast, carefully settling yourself cross-legged facing Ben, “Eat.” Ben obediently took the top piece of toast, pulling his legs up onto the bed and leaning against the footboard, “He was the one that suggested shots. I think.” Ben chewed his toast slowly. “Did I wake you when I got home?” “You don’t remember?” “Sort of. I remember tripping over something outside. And I think I remember talking to you.” “Yes,” you laughed, “You woke me. You seemed confused about why I was here, happy to see me though. How much do you remember from last night?” “I remember having dinner and I remember heading to the pub after. Things start to get a bit hazy after a few rounds though. Why? What’d I do?” “Nothing bad, honey. I’ll tell you about it when you’re feeling better.” He nodded, “Think I’ll go have a shower.”

You finished your coffee while scrolling on your phone, the shower audible in the otherwise quiet room, and then carried everything back to the kitchen. You were just setting the dishwasher to run when Ben came up behind you, throwing his arms around your stomach and leaning his chin on your shoulder.   “Better?” “More or less. Brushed my teeth about twelve times which helped.” You turned around to face him, “well you certainly don’t smell like a bar anymore. Any word on how the others are faring?” “Everyone’s alive though pretty rough. I don’t know what we drank, but it was a mistake.” “I might have the answer,” “What d’you mean?” “So, while you were out, I got a number of very interesting phone calls.” Ben gave you a confused look. “You drunk dialled me a few times. Seventeen times if we’re being accurate.” “Oh my god.” His hand flew up to his head, the heel of his palm rubbing his eye, “What did I say? No, actually I don’t wanna know. Okay, tell me.” You leaned up to peck his lips before grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the kitchen and over to the couch where you’d left your phone. “I haven’t listened to them all, just the first few.” He sat down, watching warily as you clicked through to your voicemail. “So the first call you made, I picked up.” You said as you settled into your seat, throwing your legs over Ben’s lap.   “What time was that?”   “Round ten-ish. I think you were in a pub. Wherever you were was loud cause I couldn’t hear you properly. But basically you called so everyone could yell hello to me. I told you all to have a good night and got a chorus on unintelligible screams back and then you hung up.” “Thats not too bad. Kinda cute if you think about it,” He pinched your shin playfully. “You called again about five minutes later but I let it go to voicemail.” “Oh boy.” “You’re a sloppy drunk Benjamin.”  

You held the phone up between you and hit play on the first message. Ben’s voice sounded echoey as he slurred slightly into the phone which made you think he was calling from the bathroom. “Voicemail? Babe listen, I didn’t mean to hang up without saying I love you. Thats why ‘m calling. Felt bad. I don’t want you to think I don’t love you cos of course I love you. God I love you so much. Shit, I gotta go, Joe’s saying something about shots.” The message ended. “Okay you have to agree that was cute,” Ben said next to you. “The drunk idiot is very cute.” You conceded.   “Hey, he may be a drunk idiot, but he’s a truthful drunk idiot.” Ben tapped the end of your nose making you giggle. “Well, the drunk idiot isn’t done yet.” You started the second message. “Fuck it’s cold.” You heard a deep inhale and then a breath out, the sound of Ben smoking, “I need whisky.” The call ended and both of you laughed.   “Well okay, guess maybe I did drink whisky after all.” The third message was loud again. The Ben sitting next to you cringed as the opening notes of a song kicked in and his own voice yelled through the phone, “This one’s for you Y/N!” followed by the sound of him drunkenly singing My Heart Will Go On. “Oh god,” He dropped his head into his hands, “how long does the message go for?” “Four minutes and forty-five seconds. The whole song.” “Let's skip this one,” “Okay, but only because I’ve already listened to it.” “You listened to me butcher the entire song?” “It was dedicated to me, how could I not?” you laughed, “Also, it’s my new ringtone.” “Curse that movie.” Ben groaned as he let his head drop onto the back of the couch, “You catch the end of it on TV one time and then the song’s stuck in your head for a week.” “If it's any consolation, it sounded like you got a standing ovation at the end.”

The next couple of messages were from the same karaoke bar. You could barely hear Ben over the horrendous singing in the background of the first one, but he seemed to be talking to someone about the saké they were drinking. You wondered if it hadn’t been a pocket dial because of how quiet his voice was.   Ben looked at you shaking his head, “No wonder we all feel like rubbish today. How did we all make it home in one piece?” “Lord knows. Divine intervention?” You laughed, “This next one is the last one I heard before I went to sleep.” “Good or bad?” “I liked it.” The message started with the sound of Ben stumbling out a door, muffling the noise of the bar. “Can’t stop thinking bout your pretty pussy.” You looked over to Ben, grinning at his slightly pink cheeks. He looked like he was about to say something but you quickly placed a finger over your lips, signalling him to keep quiet.   “Wanna lick it right now. Could go for hours, sucking and licking and kissing. Fuck I love your pussy. Taste so fucking good. Wanna make you cum on my tongue. And then on my fingers so you can suck 'em clean and see how good you taste. Go so slow yo-” “Ben!” someone yelled from behind him somewhere, “C’mon we’re gonna go get kebabs!” The message ended. You’d known what was coming and you’d still found yourself clenching your thighs, something that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Ben. His hand was on your knee, rubbing his thumb in circles absentmindedly. “That...wasn’t what I was expecting,” he said slowly, “bit different to all the others,” “Wasn’t what I was expecting the first time I heard it either. Don’t think anyone’s ever expected to hear a monologue about eating pussy though. They just catch you by surprise.”   “How many times did you listen to it?” “Ummm, a few,” “So until you got off?” “You know me too well,” you laughed, “kinda wish you hadn't been interrupted. Would have liked to hear what else you were thinking.” “You would, would you?” His grip on your knee got tighter, “Think I’ve got the gist of it.” You squealed as he suddenly rolled out from under your legs and pushed them open.

“Thought you had a hangover,” “It’s not so bad now, modern medicine truly is a miracle. Besides, this may be a hereto unknown cure.” His speech was punctuated with kisses to your ankle. “Are you saying my pussy is like the fountain of youth but for fixing hangovers?” “Maybe. I don’t know. Now please stop talking, I need to concentrate.” He travelled higher, fingers tracing softly wherever his lips weren’t. He continued his path up your leg gradually, dragging his lips along your skin. Whenever he reached a particularly ticklish or sensitive spot he’d linger, holding your leg tight so you couldn’t squirm away. When he eventually reached your knee, he moved to your other ankle and started again. You whined, leaning your head back against the arm of the couch, which made him chuckle, sending a shiver through you. “Patience, babe.” He bit down unexpectedly, making you jump, “Told you I was gonna go slow.” Slow was an understatement. A snail would have crawled up your leg faster than Ben was going, though you had to admit it probably wouldn’t have put you in quite the same state. The longer Ben took the more desperate you were but nothing you did could persuade him to skip ahead. You tried whining and groaning, hoping the noise would encourage him to finally remove your pants, but all it did was make him smirk, his breath ghosting over the spot his lips had just detached from.   “Keep making those sounds. Love when you’re all desperate and needy.” You couldn’t stop the whine that rose into the air, his words hitting your right between the legs.

You also tried tangling your fingers in his hair and tugging the way you knew he liked but, though it did make him pause, it also made him more determined to make you wait. At one point you even tried to slip your hand into your pants to relieve some of the pressure. You didn’t get very far before Ben had a hold of your hand, pressing a kiss to your palm before he sucked your fingers into his mouth. He let your fingers slip free, turning his attention back to your shin, but kept a strong grasp on your hand to stop you from trying anything else.   “You jerk,” you tried to twist your hand free but he kept a firm hold, “didn’t think you’d mean this slow.” He laughed, sitting up slightly as he finally reached your other knee, “What a shame my drunken ode to your cunt was cut off before I could really go into detail.”   “Ben, you’re killing me, please just speed it up.” “Sorry babe, not gonna happen. “ He continued his lazy path over your knee and up your thigh until he reached the leg of your shorts, teasing you with feather light touches just under the hem. Then he switched back to the leg he’d started on and repeated his efforts. By the time he was kneeling between your legs, working your pants over your hips and pulling them off, you were on the verge of begging. You lifted your hips to help him remove your underwear but he ignored you. Instead you felt a breath on the inside of your thigh before his mouth was on you again. He resumed his slow pace, pausing every so often to suck a hickey onto your skin, before he switched to the other leg again. By the time he was done your thighs were covered in bruises and bite marks, and there was a very noticeable wet spot on the front of your undies.  

Ben leaned into you, his mouth centimetres from where you desperately needed him. You could feel bursts of his warm breath wash over you, only serving to heighten your need and the anticipation for what he had planned. “So very wet already. Wonder who could possibly have cause that?” You could only whimper as he stuck his tongue out and licked a single long stroke along your clothed pussy, your hips bucking at first contact. “Love how eager you are, but you gotta keep still,” he said as he wrapped his arms round your thighs to hold them in place. He refocused on kissing you through your underwear, working his way up slowly, squeezing your labia between his lips. Your breathing got heavier the closer he got to your clit, soft ‘oh’s dripping from your tongue. He was unphased by your obvious urgent need, working to cover every inch of you with his lips and teeth and tongue, leaving you panting for more as he carefully avoided your clit. When he gently sucked at the apex of your thigh you cried out in desperation. Ben hummed against you and settled back into his leisurely pace, never reaching your clit. “Ben, for the love of god, stop teasing,” Ben laughed as he raised himself to his knees and hooked his fingers into the top of your underpants, pausing to drop a kiss to your lips. He peeled your underwear down your legs, dropping them to the floor, and swiped a finger along your folds, collecting your wetness. He held his finger up and you watched as your juices slowly started to drip from it in a single long strand. “That voicemail,” Ben started, pausing to lick up the drip from his finger, “was cut off too soon. Didn’t even get to talk about how fucking wet you are for me. Though I think I can make you wetter.” He settled himself back down, laying his tongue flat against you and licking another long line all the way up your slit. You moaned as his tongue flicked over your clit but seconds later, he’d moved away again, letting a string of saliva drip slowly onto you before he began working his mouth softly over your pussy once more.  

You could feel your orgasm approaching as Ben buried his face between your legs, and you tangled your fingers in his hair again. You whined his name repeatedly, getting higher in pitch as he neared your clit. Finally he wrapped his lips around your clit, sucking it into his mouth and you let out a pornographic moan as you came undone. He swirled his tongue around your clit until the sensitivity became too much and you pushed him away. “Good girl,” He said softly, leaving kisses over your thighs as he waited for your breathing to even out again, “So pretty when you cum for me.” He began licking and sucking at your folds again, noisily cleaning up the evidence of your orgasm, “And drunk me was right, you taste fucking incredible.” He worked his tongue slowly into you, making you shudder as you felt another orgasm building already. He pulled out, licking all the way up to your clit before once again pushing his tongue into you, deeper than before. You lost the ability to form coherent thoughts as he fucked you with his tongue, bringing his thumb up to rub your clit slowly. Your knees snapped shut the minute he stopped holding them down, trapping him in position, though he didn’t seem to notice, just kept his steady pace, pulling you closer and closer to the edge. A moan built in your throat and you couldn’t help pushing on the back of his head, trying to keep him as close to your core as possible. You pulled on his hair making him moan against you and the vibrations triggered your release which he lapped up like a man dying of thirst. Your legs trembled as you lowered them back to the bed, not helped by Ben moving to blow a stream of cold air over your sensitive clit.

You tried to sit up but Ben placed a hand over your stomach to keep you in place. “I’m not done yet, enjoying this too much to be done so soon.” He flicked your clit with his tongue and you whimpered. “Too sensitive?” “Yeah,” You breathed out, raising you head to watch him. “That’s alright,” he kissed your clit once, making your hips jerk, “said I wanted you to cum on my fingers anyway.” Without any more warning he pushed two fingers into you making you moan, “That’s right babe, wanna hear you nice and loud,” he added a third finger, and began pumping them in and out teasingly slow, “Know you love having my fingers in your cunt. Can feel how tight your clenching them. ‘m gonna watch you cum hard and then I’m gonna go back to worshipping your cunt properly.” He adjusted the angle of his fingers slightly, and you felt the pit in your stomach tighten. “Think I can make you squirt like this, want me to try?” “Please, yes, ‘m so clos-s-se,” you were interrupted as he once again lowered his mouth to your cunt, his fingers steadily stroking the same spot over and over, making your see spots. “C’mon babe,” he mumbled against you, “wanna see you make a fucking mess.” Your breath caught in your throat as his fingers became more forceful and you gripped the edge of the couch so hard your knuckles turned white as you came again.   “Good girl, that was exactly what I wanted to see,” He said, sitting up on his knees, rubbing your thigh with the hand that hadn’t just been pulled from you. “I did it?” you panted, finally relaxing your hand, letting it dangle over the edge of the couch. “mmhmm, gonna have to get some stain remover onto this couch later.” You raised your head and sure enough you could see the dark patch you’d made. You couldn’t help but laugh, giddy from the pleasure. Ben wiped his mouth on his sleeve before he leaned forward to kiss you softly. “I love you so much,” “Love you too Ben. Maybe more now that I know you can make me do that.” He kissed you again and then resettled between your thighs. “Thought you said something about letting me taste?” “Later,” he grunted before he focused all his attention on dragging his tongue through your slick folds again.

“You’re dripping,” Ben admired, taking another swipe along your cunt, “So fucking wet.” Not that you needed him to tell you that. You could feel your wetness running down towards your arse, see it shining on Ben’s mouth and chin every time he looked up at you. Aside from Ben’s running commentary the only sounds in the room came from him burying himself in your pussy. The wet noises of his spit meeting your juices as he licked and sucked at you, and the whines and whimpers and moans he drew from you with every flick of his tongue. You were so wet his tongue just glided over you, hitting your still sensitive clit on every pass. It felt so good, but also wasn’t enough to push you to another orgasm. You tried to shift your hips against his mouth as his movements became less controlled. He devoured you, trying to reach every inch of your cunt, not caring about keeping a steady pace or tempo. You swore as his nose bumped your clit again, followed a moment later by his tongue flicking over it once, twice, three times.   “Ben, I can’t do it again.” you whined, fighting back the urge to cry, “I wanna cum but I can’t.” Ben just hummed against you, ignoring your pleas as he continued his frenzied movements. You could feel tears of desperation stinging your eyes. You were so close, just not getting the right sort of friction to push you over the edge. You tried to wiggle your hips but Ben wrapped his arms round your thighs again, holding you in place as he closed his eyes, and delved deeper. You could have sworn you were going to cum as Ben explored every inch of your pussy, but you were left unsatisfied again, letting out another frustrated whine. Ben resurfaced, shaking his head from side to side as he trailed his tongue over you. “Don’t worry, babe, got an idea.” He pulled back and moved to grab your waist, using his grip to flip you over suddenly. He wiggled between your open legs and grabbed your thighs again. You leaned against the arm of the chair, resting on your knees as Ben pulled you down onto his lips, picking up where he’d left off. You clawed at the couch as he held you tightly, anchoring you to his mouth. The new position allowed you to arch your back and rock your hips more freely and you shifted around a little trying to find the right spot. You cried out as his tongue met you just the way you’d needed it, and began to grind down onto him chasing your release. “God Ben, so so close,” you gasped out. Ben’s reply was nothing more than a muffled hum directly into your core that had you slumping over the arm of the chair as you shook above him, crying out his name. He continued to lick along your slit, stretching the orgasm out as long as he could. When you couldn’t take it anymore you raised your hips, his hands loosening their grip as you rolled off of him into the corner of the couch. Once Ben had sat up, you gingerly stretched out a leg.

“So how was that?” Ben asked as he shuffled round to face you. All you could do was nod as you released a shaky breath. Ben scooted towards you and leaned his forehead against yours, “I take it that means it was good?” “Yeah,” you breathed out softly, “really good. I’ll tell you just how good when I can think clearly again.”   Ben laughed and dropped a kiss to the tip of your nose before pulling back, “take all the time you need. There is just one more thing though,” You gasped as he gently dragged a single finger through your folds, collecting as much of your wetness as he could. “Said I was gonna make you taste yourself.” Without thinking you grabbed his wrist and slowly sucked his finger into your mouth. You kept your eyes locked on his, watching as they grew wide at your bold action. “See how fucking delicious you are?”   You hummed around his finger, running your tongue along its length. When you felt you’d sufficiently cleaned his digit you pulled it from your lips with a small pop.   “Think I could get used to receiving drunk messages from you if this is how you make up for it,” “Think I wanna know what the rest of those messages say.”

[dxxtruction]

eps2.2_init1.asec

Mr.Robot: Season 2 Episode 4

break-down / character analysis / head canons 

(Spoilers obviously, but contains stuff up through end of season 4)

A: first scene

I love this scene a lot so I wrote a lot. 

(The Memorial Day situation)

Elliot had been pen-testing, doing white-hat hacking for some wall-street gig. (Timeline= ?-May 2014)

He was on some type of project where he needed to hack until it was un-hackable. (Seemed dedicated to his job there)

Elliot is court ordered into anger management with a shrink (Krista) after being fired for destroying the servers. Hs he claims he was locked in there and fell asleep then woke up in a destroyed room. (I still suspect this retelling to be halfway unreliable even though it’s how it’s told at least twice in the show.)

This happened Memorial Day weekend. - night or around 5pm presumably - people wanted to go clubbing etc. and Elliot did not. They couldn’t leave because Elliot was working. (He didn’t care about them enough to let them go, or was just dedicated to his job you choose.)

        2. (Job offering) 

Elliot is offered to work at all-safe by Angela around this time (Halloween 2014) but it’s been months since he had been working so what was he doing?

A bunch of Grey-hat hacks to get shady people arrested? Seems he may have just finished one when Darlene arrived. 

He sees some potential in accepting, because it a Trojan horse (both what you think it is and slang for a backdoor into a server network). 

He’s been thinking about it, though we don’t know how long he’s been sitting on this offer. “the right access the right malware.” His plan is to take down Evil Corp (It’s the first time he’s voiced this, and Darlene doesn’t take him entirely serious at first.)

      3. (Darlene and Elliot)

Darlene comes on halloween, she seems bothered by something that may have happened that night (if my timeline is right it could be she had a fight with Cisco because they should’ve still been together then) whatever it is Darlene feels she needs Elliots company that night. 

This is the first mention of init-1 the code between her and Elliot. He tries to excuse himself when Darlene first answers, with an excuse he’s going out. Darlene picks up that this is half-assed, showing us that despite her being gone she knows her brother well. (It’s little things like these that give hints as to the hosts habits and how much they overlap with MM’s)

“Great Darlene, haven’t seen you in a long time either. I’d love to hang out.” Judging by the fact Elliot is just now telling Darlene he’s been fired we can assume the extent of there communication is pretty much zilch. Darlene has been away from the city for some time, but I’m not sure its ever mentioned how long. 

Per tradition, they’re smoking weed while watching the careful massacre of the bourgeoise (1984). (Darlene is a talkative/hungry type of high and Elliot just chills... and maybe has deep philosophical conversations) This movie carries a lot of importance because it becomes symbolic of F-Society. It starts out with the masked man killing the bourgeoisie kids at a new years eve party, but I do wonder if thats the entire plot or not.

Darlene says several things about it: 

(A) The movie was made to disprove meritocracy. (showing the separation of class through the absurd ways in which the characters act.) 

(B) it was the source of their psychological dysfunction. (Probably because it’s x-rated, I think this line should only be taken as a joke)

In the dream sequence later in the episode Tyrell and Joanna are wearing similar outfits to the brother and sister in the movie (hinting how Elliot probably sees them)

We get clarification on Darlene having Panic attacks, this is something that has come up before. Elliot shows genuine concern for her mental well-being.

 “Since when did pretending everything is okay become the all mighty norm?” *proceeds to act like that at the beginning of season 2* 

Unlike Elliot, Darlene has a digital social life. Has instagram, and orders off postmates probably lives a normal life of a 23 year old who happens to be really smart and good at stuff. I definitely think all that go thrown in the trash the second f-society became more than just a what-if. By the beginning of season 1 she’s just as off the grid as Elliot is. (But like I just wanna see Darlene live her life again dammit.) 

Sidenote: I wonder who this one is. Part of me wants to say this is Elliot the  host, but I have my suspicions MM took over after Memorial Day, (or at the least started to front more often…). Though it does leave me asking why there are sudden amnesia barriers in the time leading up to 5/9. Fragment Krista says MM found it important to start messing with Elliots memories and his past and inadvertently this meant forgetting his sister? Was it a subconscious choice? I can’t confirm, but I still do wonder how much of Elliot we really see in flashbacks and how much of it is MM.

         4. (“Do you talk to mom?”)

Dialogue: “No. You?” (“Fuck no, she still shits on dad every time I talk to her… I wish I remembered him better.”)

I don’t have a note really, but this moment is fairly awkward given what we know about Ed—d. Not sure how I read Elliot’s face here, but I think he’s probably on the same page as her because- 

Elliot has kept the Mr.Robot jacket.

I believe this indicates the host and MM I think are (were) both protected from knowing about what their father did otherwise that shit would be trash. I wonder Does host Elliot also have the view of his father as his only friend? Anyway I definitely see this as a trigger for Robot, like, thats his clothes for one and ed—d is sort of the trauma he holds.

A switch definitely occurs once the mask is on. There’s an awkwardness where Darlene loses her laughter: does she know exactly what his disorder is? I think at the very least she suspects and picks up on these things. She knows that Elliot is forgetful and experiences moments of derealization because she’s dealt with those moments with him. They are siblings after all, and I think this scene is pretty much in here to hone that in.  

Mr.Robot starts a whole speech about a plan to take down E-Corp. Elliot (in reference to everyone because I think this is a shared understanding) knows the hard part of this hack will be he fallout (“that’s the key, the follow through.”) 

More indicators he’s been really thinking about this for a while (At the very least since Memorial Day so 6 months; at most since his dad got leukemia). He (Mr.Robot) works out that E-corp will try to come back from the hack and there needs to be a way to stop the from happening. 

Destroy public confidence = destroy E-Corp  (And this is what Darlene’s been shown doing this season so far) 

He then takes off the mask and he’s gone quiet (dissociated?) Probably a switch back. (He looks at it in a way that makes me feel like he doesn’t remember putting it on.)

End scene. 

B: Darlene’s visit

“The only way to patch a vulnerability is by exposing it first. The flip side is exposing the vulnerability leaves you open for an exploit.” (I believe this line tells us this episodes logic)

(Plan discussion.)

The plan involves losing confidence in e-corp and Elliot has lost confidence in the plan. (though we are aware phase 2 isn’t necessarily just about losing public confidence, Elliot is later shown to not want this either). He sees it as too dangerous to continue on with, and he feels guilty about it given how Gideon was killed, he doesn’t want more people to die. 

However, I feel as if he probably already saw into all the vulnerabilities (because he’s like that). Already figuring they could be exposed (hence danger). He sees the best option would be to quit while they can, but Darlene is refusing. 

“What did you guys think was going to happen exactly?” - Darlene referring to Elliot as plural. (We love to see it)

Elliot says it wasn’t him who said everything. (Clarification that a switch did happen in scene 1.)

      2. (“This is what she does”)

What does darlene do? 

Likely: When she wants something but doesn’t give full honesty about it and doesn’t tell Elliot everything. In other words Darlene keeps secrets, and hides the important bothersome details. She sort of beats around the bush. (She does something like this in scene 1 she needs Elliots company but won’t talk about or say why then avoids confrontation of her mental health)

She’s doing it here not so much for her own comfort but the safety of her brother, because she knows he has vulnerabilities, and can be triggered and emotionally unstable. She doesn’t want to upset him because she needs him to help her and he can’t do that in an unstable state.

C: Chess 

1. (Meeting with Ray to play chess)

Chess isn’t really the focus here; Ray picks up on a lot of conflict happening internally, and as an exploit to get Elliot to trust him gives the chess board over. 

We see how guilt is burdening Elliot, and he is considering owning up to everything he did. Even mentions how it could stop Darlene from doing “crazy shit”. He doesn’t want to lose her either; or lose any more people for that matter. Losing people was not a part of saving the world he signed up for. There’s also guilt in general because of 5/9 because things are turning out bad. 

I’m fairly convinced Mr.Robot is incapable of feeling guilt, or is just hiding it behind the 10 layers of clothes. (Though I guess he’s never met Gideon so why should he care?). Anyway he is consistently focused on seeing everything through no matter the costs. 

I just find Mr.Robot coming in and saying he’d swan dive off a building for saying anything pretty funny (don’t ask)

He exaggerates a lot of the time but honestly sometimes he is dead serious about putting the body in pain or in life and death scenarios and so he can be fairly destructive so it’s hard to tell if he is joking, but hey MM (and to my hc host) does hard drugs, so...

2. (A game to end all games between us)

“Winner takes all.” (“Of what?”) “Us.”

(Mr.Robot really do be like “I’mma kill you or myself” Bitch I do not think..)

Robot says Elliot “will be absent from knowing. Losing time forever. A deep black void.” Basically he’s gonna throw him in a pit. And honestly it sounds confident, like he probably feels he can take full control since he’s been around the longest along with the core. (But we know he wouldn’t do it even if he could, the guy has a soft spot. Anyway this is like the IDK what number of times Robot be doing a loop around to get a point across to Elliot. He do be playing the long game and I think secretly he loves a good scheme.) (This is what Mr.Robot does.) 

Elliot gets visited by Krista in prison and has told her about the game. (Judging by the fact they meet in her ‘office’ and not in the “Kitchen table” setting we can assume they’re allowed to meet in a private location.) (Edit: disregard this bit I forgot about the reveal that he’d just imagining it on like two separate layers to feel safe enough to speak)

“Krista’s wrong annihilation is always the answer” (He’s just as bad honestly, Krista teach this boy constructive ways). He sees annihilation as self improvement, getting rid of parts of yourself that are ugly or unwanted. We create our identity around desire, and that means destroying parts that are undesirable so all thats left is practically a mask of who we are. (I think the tie into Whiterose through this spill about annihilation is a bit cheap but like I understand the choice) Anyhow Elliot’s pretty much agreeing to a western showdown and has no idea it’s all a rouse so Robot can have his point. 

4. The chess match

Ed—d apparently taught Elliot his first ways to code through teaching him computer chess. He talks like he really understands all the logic of chess which makes me think he was letting Ray win before. 

Mr.Robot definitely feels a bit uncomfortable with being associated with him just a hint in his voice. 

Ultimately they find out neither of them can either win or lose but Mr.Robot knew all along that would happen.

“Fighting for the future we want, it isn’t about playing chess is about what we do out there with them.” (peaking out of his ten layers to show he cares about the outside world, while also expressing how they need to get out of prison.)

“I want to be here Elliot, with you.” (God my heart.) 

D: Darlene and Cisco’s hook up

Darlene is very paranoid while walking around, she isn’t sure if F-society really are being offed. However in front of F-society she tries to comfort their suspicions. 

Cisco comes to Darlene to warn her about getting killed by DA… but he’s the one who ultimately gets offed. (Poetic cinema)

We learn Darlene’s the type to get upset and defiantly end up having sex in the bathroom of a shady dive bar with her on and off again boyfriend (also Cisco why didn’t you pull out before talking about Dark Army again, like dude lol.)

This is definitely the point they start getting back together. 

There a message in gold written on the wall that reads “There's an unequal amount of good and bad in most things. The trick is to figure out the ratio and act accordingly. Stay frosty all. Peace.” - its from this tweet: x 

Operation Berenstain is first mentioned. I’m in agreement the name references the popular conspiracy about alternate timelines. 

E: Leon lays it down

Leon asks Elliot if he wants to even be here, tells him he “has to dream in order to find out the future he’s fighting for.” (My initial though is I’m not sure if this means here as in prison or here as in alive, sorta feels like the latter)

“If you like it” (The future you envision) “then it’s beautiful, if it’s not then you might as well fade the fuck out right now.” (Hard) (definitely means the latter)

I appreciate Leon so much. “Existence could be beautiful or it could be ugly. But thats on you.” He’s really good for Elliot, really no bs, no loop arounds, he just tells it straight. And you know what? He listens to him because he actually goes to bed dreaming about it. 

“What is the future? Leon says one needs to understand that before they’re ready to fight for their existence.”

This dream sequence is so impactful, Leon’s influence. I’m not gonna go in on the shots, however we do get to see a really honest view on how Elliot truly sees the people that have been a part of his life in a variety of subtle ways. We see a lot of what he desires or seeks is happiness for everyone around him. 

“Will I reconnect for those I care for. Will I reunite with old friends long gone. See the ones I love find true happiness. Maybe this future includes people I never dreamed of getting close to. Even make amends with those I have unfairly wronged. A future that’s not so lonely. A future filled with friends and family. The world I’ve always wanted. And I’d like very much to fight for it.”

I bold texted that last bit because it really hits, and I think its what becomes the foundations for what Elliot ends up saying to Whiterose at the end. Not to pull a Darlene but this show is clearly trying to say how hard it is to find connection in a world of capitalist alienation. 

When Leon sort of digs into Elliot and asks if he really does want to die. Elliot’s dream confirms, no, we find out Elliot actually wants to live in order to improve the future, and he wants connections to be there. It’s what he’s always wanted. (Yet he still does the end all match right after this sequence because he’s convinced he’ll win and get that future on his own. Both these boys are very stubborn.) 

F: Do you remember the first command you ever taught me?

Init 1. 

What Elliot taught Darlene when her computer kept crashing. She says this in scene one, and its what makes Elliot stop making excuses. The same thing happens here, Elliot has no choice but to help. Thats what the code between them means: Drop everything and help me.

What is it? Init 1 is a run level in linux which indicates a single-user/emergency mode. Streamlining the route to only the root, while disconnecting from the network or multitasker. Used for administrative tasks.

Elliot has to stop the FBI from owning f-society and the only way to do that is by using Ray’s computer. (fuck Ray btw). Just to make sure, he asks Darlene is he is really needed by her or if she wants Robot. I think he needed the reassurance that Darlene still cares (and of course she does). 

The second part of the title is .Asec - android files preventing corruption from other programs. So the whole title translates to roughly; Help prevent corruption. And a nod to the way of doing it through hacking into the FBI android phone network. (These titles are genius and have so many layers)

G. Side stuff

1. The FBI have found Fun Society LLC through Dom. I love Dom but idk how I feel about her in these early episodes. She is a fairly good detective though. I think Romero’s character being linked to stealing power from the grid is a nod to the novel Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison. Ellison touches on social and intellectual issues faced by the African Americans in the early twentieth century. Also I noticed Dom’s supervisor is there and he’s already seen trying to sway the direction away from uncovering he truth. 

2. On that note so is Angela. I think we’re intentionally supposed to be annoyed with her because she’s staying at E-Corp even though she knows she’s being manipulated. 

“All of my dreams are coming true right now.” - as the bastard guys are being arrested. Not to say this slapped but it did.

We find out Whiterose and Price are in bed together on this thing and this has something to do with Angela and the plant negotiations in the lawsuit. On the phone Whiterose is fussy about moving her operation to the Congo quickly. (lets not try to reason how this plan of hers all works or what the hell it even is). Things are awkward knowing that Price is Angela’s dad, I can’t tell if he’s actually getting close because he wants to know his daughter or if its purely out of getting her around he and Whiterose’s fingers. (both? both.) 

In any case I think Esmail sets up the Angela as a counter vulnerability within the main plot, as she’s being open to exploitation by remaining at E-Corp. (refer to the logic set-up) 

3. I don’t care for Joanna’s appearance in this episode but she’s running out of money to pay of this guy who has information that could frame Tyrell for murder and is still seeing this guy she definitely hates or likes him but doesn’t love him. Complicated. She needs the severance package to pay this guy off. Tyrell is another vulnerability but he’s undercover.

H. Head canons I thought of while watching 

If Elliot hadn’t opened the door when he did Darlene would’ve picked the locks.

Darlene’s go to is always some type of asian food.

The weed is Elliots but the Bowl is Darlenes.

We see coats on the wall hooks in Elliots room, but I think the likes the cold because its grounding so he usually leaves without one on.

When Robot is high (on weed) he just talks like nonstop.

Not a head canon really but I notice Elliot never uses the backrests in chairs. However Robot becomes the chair he is the chair.

Darlene stopped going to dance classes after the hack, I think Angela has also stopped going.

Leons favorite subjects are philosophy and history

[nicklangfordmuse]

MONDAY | baby daddy verse

Monday morning and it was the day that Martin visits the gym for apparently an important meeting. He isn’t sure what it is about yet but his heart raced. Apart from his heart jumping out of his chest, he was still coughing and feeling a little ill. But today isn’t a day for that. Today is about showing strength and leadership so he really pushed his best with a couple of medicine and a kiss from his fiancé and son. He also gave Katrina another kiss for an advance congratulations for her first day of class. Hopefully, this will be another week filled with good news for the family.

Going into work, everyone can tell that Nick looked sick. And while he did, there’s still that strive in him to keep going, which everyone appreciated. He started his day as usual, going through paperworks. Martin is expected to arrive around lunchtime or after that. While waiting, Nick decided to assist on the field work and help train a couple of people. After a while, Lydia came up to him.

“Martin’s here. He said you’re going out for a lunch meeting.” She informed him and Nick nodded, going back inside his office to put a jacket on before meeting Martin out.

“Hey. Lunch meeting?” Nick asked and Martin nodded at him with a smile before realizing how his voice sounded. “You okay, Nick? You sound...terrible.” Martin said, not trying to be offensive. Nick shrugged his shoulders at him and chuckled. “I’m fine. Just...a little under the weather. But I’m good.” Nick assured him so he just nodded at him and lead him out so they could have lunch.

As they got there, they started talking about personal stuff, asking about each other’s lives and everything going on. Nick told him about his family, keeping the engagement news out of the light for now. Martin even told him about a few personal things which they bonded over. Close to finishing their food, Martin finally brought up business.

“I really appreciate your work at the gym, Nick. I really do. I mean, you’ve brought House of Fitness farther than how I expected it to go.” He started which Nick thanked and nodded him for. “I was told yesterday that...you brought it a number of teachers to register for the gym?” He asked and Nick nodded. “Yeah, well, those are teachers from my son’s school. We’re neighbors with one of them and they started this goal for the school year to work out and take care of their bodies and health too, apart from taking care of the kids.” He shared and Martin nodded. “That’s...thats very nice to hear.” He said, clearing his throat and wiping his lips with the napkin. “Again, I really appreciate all the effort but...” Here it goes. “We’ve noticed...some absences in your record. A lot of...cut hours per day. And I have to say, it’s...actually affecting...the work space.”

“I’m...I’m doing my best and trying to keep my family together at the same time. I don’t...I don’t get it. Are you firing me?” He asked, chuckling to lighten the situation. “No, no, no. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m trying to say is...maybe...you’re gonna need some help.” Martin said and it was quiet. Silence filled the room and Nick just looked at him like he wanted a further explanation of things. Help? What kind of help?

Suddenly, like a perfectly time movie scene, Brock came in the restaurant and Martin waved at him to come over to their table. “Hey, man.” Brock told Nick with the biggest grin like he just got the best news of his life. He sat down beside Martin and it looked like the two of them has the news Nick was waiting for. “Brock...has showed excellence since we started the gym. He has grown and helped the company so much like you have and...it was time to reward strong efforts and dedication like his. So...I promoted Brock to a managerial position just like yours.” Martin finally explained.

Nick looked at them, hoping he wasn’t hearing this like it sounded. “Like...an assistant manager?” He asked and Martin pressed his lips before shaking his head. “I am assigning the both of you as co-managers of the gym. That way...you’ll have the help you need around the place.” At this point, Nick felt his head become lighter and his chest slowly drowning. He wasn’t getting his job done right so they got a replacement for him. Someone better. “You can manage your time properly, you’ll have two to three days off a week. We’ll balance your schedule well so you’ll have time to take care of your family like you wish. It’s...gonna pay less because you’ll share the position but you’ll have better time management and the stress on your shoulders would be lessen.” He explained before noticing how pale Nick was starting to look. “And look, you should start taking care of yourself. You’ve been sick since yesterday, Lydia told me.”

“Hey, man. I hope you don’t...see this as a competition. Come on, we’re one team. Remember? It’s been you and me since the beginning. We became friends since the gym started. I can guarantee you, we’ll make this gym far better than how we envisioned it from the start.” Brock assured him, hoping Nick wasn’t taking this to the heart.

Nick was quiet at first before realizing how he should react. This should be a good thing. He’ll have help and he can have more time with his family. “Uhm...yeah, man. Of course. We’re a team.” He repeated. Martin smiled, glad that Nick took this the way he hoped he would. Nick started coughing again, feeling his body slowly sinking down the seat. “You okay, man? You worked out too much yesterday with those teachers.” Brock said and Nick shook his head. “I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just...a little cough.” He said before coughing hard again and Martin knew what to do with this. “Look, take the rest of the day off. We’ll count your hours for today complete but...you can go home. Get some rest and come back stronger tomorrow. Let’s give today to Brock, shall we? Put his managerial assets to the test.” Martin joked which made both him and Brock laugh. Nick felt powerless in that situation and all he could do was nod and smile weakly.

After a while, they headed back to the gym and Nick was getting his things from the office. Suddenly, Brock entered and he was carrying a box of his own things. This is really happening. They’re even sharing an office now. “Hope you don’t mind. I’ve always wanted to put a frame of my loved ones on a desk.” He said, chuckling and Nick just nodded. “Hey, man, really. You should get some rest. I have everything handled here. No worries. Just...let me know when you get better so we can discuss a few things I talked to Martin about. Ya know, managerial stuff.” Nick pressed his lips together before nodding, feeling very ill now. “Okay. Uhm...I’ll...see you soon.” Nick said as he headed out to his car to drive home.

The place was empty. It was so quiet and Milo had only approached him a little and went back to his little bed. Nick still kept coughing, feeling worse than how he did earlier. He just sat on the bed, his mind going blank as his body was slowly falling into the trap of illness. And yet, he couldn’t stop remembering the meeting. He was given a partner to share the position and yet, he felt like he was being replaced. Nick couldn’t get the job done and this was just making him feel useless. Like he’s not good enough. The last time he felt this heavy was when he couldn’t find the desire to go to college as Katrina did. And he made the decision to leave the love of his life for her dreams to come true. He couldn’t let her go down with him so he just left so he’d go down alone. A tear fell from Nick’s eyes as he closed them and the coughing started again. It became chilly that he felt like he needed to lie down and cover himself with a blanket for heat and protection from his insecurities. After a while, he suddenly passed out. His body finally gave up on him and the simple cough became a terrible flu, causing him fever, body pains, cough and colds.

Nick slept throughout the afternoon and when the time to pick up Shawn came, he missed it. He complete missed it because he was terribly ill in bed. It had been an almost an hour since Shawn was finished with school and all of his friends had gone home already. He was left there waiting and Victoria saw him. “Shawn, you’re still here? Where’s your dad?” She asked and Shawn shrugged his shoulders, looking like he was on the verge of tears. “Wait here. I’ll call up your parents.” She said, getting the logbook of contact numbers and seeing his parents’ numbers there. She first tried to call Nick but there was no answer. After two more failed tries, she decided to call Katrina. Three times and her calls were just sent straight to voicemails. The boy’s parents were unreachable.

“They’re not answering and they’re the only contacts you have here.” She told the boy and Shawn looked really sad. “I wanna go home.” He whined a little and Victoria could understand his frustration. Shawn was the only one left in school. “Okay. Uhm...I’m...not sure if this is allowed but...I can bring you home. I can drop you off at your apartment as long as your parents are there. Is that okay with you?” She asked and Shawn looked unsure at first but seeing as she’s the only one right there who knows where he lives, he just nodded at her. Holding his hand, they went to the road to get a cab and go home. Shawn was just quiet, wondering why his dad didn’t pick him up. When they arrived at the apartment, he saw the truck there. “Daddy’s truck.” He told Victoria and that gave her the idea that Nick is indeed home. “Alright. Let’s ring the doorbell and see if he’s really home.” She said, going to the front and ringing the doorbell. No movement but Milo started barking. “Milo!” Shawn said, trying to peek at the window. “Milo is there.” He told Victoria, trying to peek at the window again. “Milo, open the door.” He told his dog but it was obviously useless.

No person was opening the door still and Victoria was growing nervous. Ringing the doorbell twice again, Nick felt his eyes flew open at the realization that he had been asleep for a while. Someone was ringing their doorbell. Slowly, he tried to get up but he was just in so much pain as he kept coughing more. He tried to reach for his phone but even that was so hard to do.

Victoria was starting to feel hopeless and she had one last option in mind. If this door is open, then her problem is solved but if it’s locked, then she’s got a lot on her plate than she expected for today to go. Twisting the knob, she pushed the door open and it she was surprised that it wasn’t lock. That was very unsafe. Closing the door behind them, they were greeted by the big dog and Shawn ran to him for a hug. “Milo! Where’s daddy? He didn’t pick me up!” He said, realizing the dog was looking at Victoria. “That’s Ms. Victoria. She brought me here and she’s nice.” He told the dog and Victoria waved at the dog, trying to show him that she’s a good person. “I’m gonna go upstairs and look for daddy.” He said but Victoria shook her head. If the door is unlocked and the apartment is quiet, who knows what’s happening there, right? “Wait. I’ll...I’ll go with you. I can’t leave you unless I know you’re with your dad.” She said, locking the door first before holding onto Shawn’s hand again as they went upstairs. They went to Nick’s room and as they opened the door, they saw him coughing his lungs out and he looked very ill.

“Daddy! Why are you sleeping? You didn’t pick me up from school!” He complained, unaware of what’s happening to his dad. “Baby, I’m sorry. I’m so...so sorry.” He apologized, his voice deeper, really showing how sick he is. “Victoria. You...brought him home?” Nick asked, surprised by the presence of their neighbor. “I was calling you and...his mother and I wasn’t getting answers. He’s the only one left in school so...I decided to bring him here. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.” She apologized but Nick shook his head a little. “No, no. I’m actually grateful...that you did that. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry.” He said and Shaw was just beside him, trying to understand why he was still in bed. “Bubba, daddy is...very sick. I’m sorry I didn’t pick you up. But...I can’t have you near me right now, baby. I don’t want you getting sick too.” He said, pouting at his son and hoping he understood. “Can you go stay with Milo in your room first?” He asked and he nodded with a pout. Shawn got off the bed and went to his bedroom to take his shoes off and play with his dog.

Once alone, Victoria could see how sick he was. “You probably have a flu. Have you taken any medication?” She asked and Nick shook his head. Victoria moved closer and got a hand over his head before quickly taking it off. “Ooh, you’re burning. That’s not a good sign.” She said, looking around. “Do you have...a thermometer around? And I’m gonna need a towel and...some warm water.” She said as Nick coughed more, feeling the ache in his body. “Bathroom. Drawer.” He said, figuring she just wanted to help. His body was in so much pain and his mind is still racing from his bad news. Victoria went to the bathroom and got what she need, putting a thermometer on Nick to check his temperature. Using the wet cloth, she gently patted his face to cool him a little. Nick laid there helpless but still grateful. At one point, he saw that it was Katrina taking care of him like this which made him smile for the first time today. Victoria saw this and smiled back at him.

“I have some medicine in my bag. You should take it, every four hours.” She said, getting the thermometer and her face squinted as she saw the result. “Too high. If this doesn’t go down after the medicine, I feel like you should go to hospital.” She suggested and Nick shook his head. “I can’t...leave Shawn here. I have to get up. Now.” Nick said, trying to but he just moaned at the pain of trying to get up. “If you could.” Victoria said, seeing he was still wearing his gym shirt. “Also, you should’ve changed your shirt. You work at a gym so I’m sure that’s full of sweat.” She said, getting up before suddenly feeling like she’s too nosy. “Uhm...is there...anyone I can call? Like...Shawn’s Mom? Where is she?” She asked and Nick shook his head at her. “It’s her first day teaching ballet. I can’t distract her today. Not today.” He said, letting out a breath. “Can you try calling Daria? She’s Shawn’s sitter. I just need at least someone watching over Shawn until Katrina gets back.” He said and Victoria nodded, getting Nick’s phone as he gave it to her. “Uhm...do you...want me to get you a shirt? So you can change?” She asked and Nick nodded, pressing his lips together. Pointing at a shirt on the desk, Victoria got it and gave it to him. “Do you...need help?” She asked and Nick felt so shy. “It’s okay. I think...I can do it. Just try to call Daria, please.” He asked and she nodded, going out to the hallway to make a call.

Once he was alone, Nick slowly got up, trying to take in the pain as he tried to change his shirt as quickly as possible. Getting the medicine, he took the water bottle from the table and drank it. Laying back down in bed, Nick was still in pain but he knew he’d be in so much more when Katrina finds out that he failed to pick up Shawn from school. Closing his eyes, he quickly opened it again when he heard Victoria come back in the room. “Okay. I spoke with your sitter and she won’t be back in town till tomorrow. So...anyone else we can call for you and Shawn?” She asked as Nick thought about it. If she called Rachel, Katrina’s gonna know about this and he wanted to be the first to tell her. So...no one, basically. Nick shook his head at her and Victoria nodded, pressing her lips together. “Uhm...well, I just live next door so...I can stay with Shawn if...that’s cool with you. I mean, until...his mom comes back.” She suggested and Nick pouted at her. “That’s not your job. I don’t...want to put more burden on you.” He said, feeling bad for abusing her kindness today. “No, no. Really. I just...want to help. I mean, we established yesterday that we’re also..neighbors, right? So...neighbors are kinda friends too. Plus, I can’t leave the little boy alone here so...that’s gonna be on my conscience too.” She explained, moving closer again and feeling the need to gently wipe Nick’s face of the wet cloth. Closing his eyes, Nick let out a breath. “Thank you...for being here.” He whispered and Victoria smiled, patting the cloth over his neck too. “Give me two hours. I promise I’ll be down to check on you two. Just...put Lion King on and he’ll be set.” He suggested.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Shawn was bothered by the fact that his dad didn’t pick him up from school. Not only that but he was alone upstairs with his teacher. Thankfully, the landline was transferred to this apartment and it has Nick and Katrina’s numbers both on speed dial. Pressing 1, Shawn waited for his mother to answer. It took a while before he heard his mother’s voice. “Mama!” He said but then, he realized it was directed to voicemail. After the beep, he spoke again. “Mama, it’s Shawn. I’m home but...daddy didn’t pick me up. Because daddy is sick.” He paused, pouting to himself. “Where are you, mama? Can you come home already? I miss you.” He said, taking another long pause before hanging up the call. As he sat on the couch, he saw Ms. Victoria coming down the stairs.

“Hey. So...your dad is very sick but...he told me to stay with you until he comes down. Is that okay? We can watch the lion King while we wait.” She suggested, remembering that it was the key word. Shawn nodded at his teacher and Victoria smiled at him, turning the TV on so they can watch while Nick is trying to rest upstairs.

[joonshadow]

"i'm not straight"

being in the closet isnt that much fun

or

namjoon comes out to the other members after hiding for so long.

/namjoon-centric fluff/

namjoon knew he wasn't straight for quite a while now but never told anyone, neither his family or his members. not because he wasn't sure about it, heck no, he knows for a hundred percent.

but coming out to yourself is really hard and coming out to everyone else in your life is even harder sometimes.

the leader always is open and accepting, never judging anyone. he has some not straight friends and loves them so much, couraging them to be open and happy. but being not straight himself is a bit different.

first, he could never be open about his sexuality to the whole world. its just the sad truth that an idol isn't supposed to be gay, they should be "normal" and appealing to their fans, who are mostly female.

which leads to the second reason; the hate.

as the leader of the group its his job to hold the members together and look after them. if he came out as gay, the media would go crazy and not just attack joon, but probably the whole group with hate and drama.

so no, being out and about isn't really an option for him. but for a while now he thought about telling his little "secret" to his members, his best friends who are like a second family for the boy.

-

turns out that trying to come out is nerve wracking as fuck.

all seven boys are cuddled up on the couch, watching a movie yoongi choose called "love simon" and eating popcorn.

namjoon is squished inbetween jungkook and hoseok, the youngest laying his head down on joons lap while his head is on hoseoks shoulders.

namjoons hands are sweaty, his heart is bumping hard in his chest and his throat is dry as hell. the blonde boy kept thinking over and over how he should say it but everytime he wants to say it out loud, he gets too scared.

its weird because he knows he will receive nothing but love and support from his friends, so he doesnt know why its so scary to actually tell them.

probably because his whole life, it was his little secret just for himself that no one else knew. so telling it someone else who obviously isnt him, is scaring the hell out of him.

and the time passes, the movie almost over and jungkook asleep on his thighs.

the first one to speak up wasnt namjoon, it was taehyung.

"i love this movie, its awesome. the two boys are so cute together!", the blue haired boy said with a sleepy voice and smiled at the other members, everyone agreeing with him instantly.

which makes joon incredibly happy. he doesn't know if its just something he feels or if its common among lgbt people, but everytime someone whos important to him says something accepting or nice about the community, his heart secretly bursts full of happiness in his chest.

"its late, we should sleep.", hoseok mumbled while carefully standing up, trying not to wake the youngest member up.

"youre right, hyung. do we have any schedules tomorrow?", asked jimin, who also was almost asleep next to jungkook.

seokjin told them all that they dont have anything planned for the next week since promotions are over and their tour starts in three weeks. everyone smiled because that means they would all be able to sleep as long as they want tomorrow.

namjoon brought some blankets from his room for jungkook who will sleep on the couch today because everyone is too tired and lazy to wake the youngest up and bring him to bed.

he carefully put them over him and tucked the sleeping boy in, kissing his head before turning off the tv and going out of the living room as quiet as possible.

seokjin and hoseok already dissapeared in their rooms, tired from practising their newest choreo all day long, while jimin and taehyung were in the bathroom and getting ready for bed.

namjoon did the same, telling the younger ones to sleep well and not to stay up too late before going to his room as well.

yoongi was his roommate, the two rappers sharing their room for quiet a while now.

the older boy was already in his bed when namjoon came in and crawled into his bed after changing into his pyjamas.

namjoon thought he was already asleep so he tried his best to be quiet and not make any noise to disturb the other. he almost fell asleep too before he heard some footsteps coming near his bed, his big blanket being held up and yoongi going under them.

it wasnt surprising since the two of them cuddle almost every night. but namjoon still got surprised as yoongi began to talk in a soft, calm voice.

"whats wrong, joon? i know somethings on your mind. you can talk to me, you know?"

is he that obvious? okay maybe he is a little bit tense lately, trying so hard to act normal but at the same time trying to find a good moment to tell his members about his sexuality.

after the movie was over today, he was kinda pissed at himself because he wasted such a good opportunity to tell them.

"i dont know what you mean, hyung. im just like always?"

yoongi sighed but besides that he just stayed silent. he softly caressed joons hair and waited for the younger boy to speak up when he is comfortable with doing so.

namjoons heart started to pound faster and he felt his hands getting sweaty again. maybe this was better than telling it everyone at once.

so he took a deep breath, tried to get his shit together and with a voice that yoongi almost wasnt able to hear, he finally said it out loud.

"im gay."

namjoon couldnt see yoongis reaction, wasnt able to read his face because it was pitch dark in their room and his back was turned towards the older one.

he started to breath faster, anxiety rising up in him because yoongi didnt say anything and for a second namjoon thought that he will hate him now.

but all his fears went away as yoongi wrapped his arms around namjoons waist and pulled him a little bit closer, giving him a soft kiss on his shoulder and smiled against his neck.

"hyung?"

"what?"

"arent you gonna say anything?"

"what should i say, joon? its no big deal,

i still love you. youre still the same person as before, you know?"

namjoon fell asleep a few minutes later with the biggest smile on his face.

-

"so for how long have you known?"

yoongi decided the morning after that just the two of them should sit together and talk a little bit. namjoon was more than okay with that which resulted in them sitting on yoongis bed, both with a cup of tea and surrounded by soft blankets and pillows.

namjoon told him everything, about how he found out and if he ever had a boyfriend, to which he sadly answered with a no.

"i dont know if anyone would every truly love me for who i am, you know what i mean?", namjoon said and looked down at his cup.

yoongi looked at the other boy and smiled softly, hitting his shoulder playfully.

"i bet youll find the perfect boy soon, joonie. dont worry too much about it."

-

this same afternoon namjoon decided that he should tell the other members too. it was unfair to just tell it yoongi and keep this big secret from everyone else.

its kinda hard to plan this kind of stuff since he is the type of person to back out on the last second. but after feeling so relieved from telling yoongi about his sexuality, he figured it wont be that bad to tell the others as well.

he went to seokjins and hoseoks room, knocking on the door twice and letting himself in after hearing a tired "yes?" from the inside.

there they were, sitting on their comfortable beds while probably scrolling through social media and stalking fan accounts. neither of them looked up, too concentrated on their phones and whats going on on the internet.

"hyung?"

both of them looked up after they heard namjoons quiet voice filled with anxiety, instantly putting away their phones and just focusing on him which, to be honest, didnt make this any easier.

"whats wrong, joon?", hoseok asks curious while standing up, taking his hand and pulling him over to seokjins bed.

hoseok sat right next to jin, which meant that namjoon is right in front of the two older boys.

nervously he was fiddling with his hands, taking a deep breath and thinking about what yoongi told him.

its no big deal,

youre still the same person as before

"i have something to say that i feel like you two should know, okay? its nothing big, at least thats what yoongi hyung says, but i just wanted you guys to kno-"

"are you gay or what?", hoseok said while letting out a small giggle, stopping the moment he saw namjoons surprised face.

"wait, youre really gay. holy shit, im sorry namjoon, i didnt mean to-"

"oh shut up hoseok, dont make this even more embarassing for yourself.", seokjin insisted and then just focused on namjoon, who was just hella surprised and a little bit shocked to be honest.

"yeah, im actually gay. thanks for ruining my big surprise", namjoon joked and smiled at hoseok, who still feels kinda bad and tightly holds joons hands in his.

the two older boys gave namjoon a big hug, telling him that theyll love and support him no matter what and reminded namjoon that theyre always here if he needs someone to talk to.

everything they said means a lot to joon and he is so happy to hear it, especially from the oldest member in the group. the two were always really close with each other so to know that seokjin still loves him just the way he is, means a lot.

-

"hyung?"

namjoon looked up from the pot with boiling hot water in it, making pasta for everyone or at least trying to. taehyung came into the kitchen and just silently started to cut the vegetables that joon already put out for cooking.

"whats up, tae?", joon asked while taking out spices from the cabin, tasting the sauce for the noodles before adding some more salt and pepper. hes not the best cook but still able to make simple pasta with tomato sauce without making everyone sick or burning down the kitchen.

taehyung put away the knife for cutting the veggies, puts his hands on joons shoulders and turns him around so that the two boys are facing each other.

"uh, taehyung? what are you doing?"

the younger one just hugged joon tight and buried his face in the taller ones neck, pulling him close. to say that namjoon was a little bit confused was an understatement.

taehyung began to speak quietly with a shy, almost embarassed voice against joons soft skin.

"i heard you, hobi hyung and jin hyung talk in their rooms. i shouldnt have listened, but i was so curious about what you guys were talking about. im so sorry, hyung."

he was a little bit confused but understood after a second whats going on.

"so you know?"

the blue haired boy nodded quickly and promised namjoon that he doesnt mind it at all and that hes still the best leader of the whole world to which namjoon just responded with a soft "thank you", a big smile and an even bigger hug.

-

the day is almost over, no one really did anything besides sleeping and eating all day long. days like these are much needed after stressful promotions and exhausting award shows.

the boys ate joons pasta for dinner, complimenting him on his "amazing" cooking skills and after that they all just dissapear in their rooms or somewhere else in the house.

it was already dark outside as namjoon sat down on their big couch, pulling his phone out and scrolling trough social media.

most of the fans dont know but all of the members love to look at all the different fan accounts and see what they say about their group. its fun.

around five minutes later he got a message from jimin.

jimin: hyung

jimin: do you want to watch a movie

jimin: just jungkook, yoongi and me

namjoon: sure

after hitting send, he made his way to jimins room, already hearing their voices and the tv playing in the background. he just went in there without knocking and got greeted by the sight of jimin making little ponytails with yoongis grey hair and jungkook eating leftover pasta from dinner.

"wow, looks like you guys are having a lot of fun without me", namjoon said laughing and just laid down on the bed next to jungkook.

"its boring just with yoongi hyung, most of the time he falls asleep during the movie and thats-"

"oh shut up, its not my fault that the movies you guys choose are always so boring."

both of them laughed after yoongi jokingly hit jimins arm, which hurt not even a little bit since he isnt really the strongest.

"what movie are we even watching today?"

"probably a bad love movie which jimin found on netflix after feeling lonely and sad again"

the next second jimin just deadass jumped on jungkook and both of them tried to push the other one down on the bed. jimin gave up a bit after since its unfair because jungkook is "way stronger and hes tickling him which is fucking unfair".

namjoon just laughs and sits a little bit closer to yoongi, the older one putting his arm around joons shoulders and pulling him even closer.

"guys, come on now. if you dont want me to fall asleep during the movie, we should start now and not just in a few hours when you two decided to calm down.", yoongi murmured kinda annoyed, he would probably rather be in his bed now.

after a few minutes the movie was playing on the big tv screen and all four of them cuddled up on jungkooks big bed.

namjoon couldnt hold back a small giggle after seeing that jimin chose 'titanic' and hearing yoongi and jungkooks annoyed sigh.

to be honest, it was actually really nice. a few minutes after the movie started, taehyung decided to join them too and just snuggled between jungkook and jimin.

yoongi couldnt hold back and after a while he was softly snoring on namjoons lap with messy hair and parted lips.

the younger one of the two just caresses the older ones hair, loving the way it feels between his fingers.

"did hyung fall asleep again?", jimin asked with not even a little bit of surprise in his voice.

namjoon just nodded without saying anything, he didnt want to wake up yoongi and taehyung, whos also sleeping in jungkooks arms.

maybe now is the right time to tell them too since they are the last ones who dont know about joons little secret yet. jimin is still looking at namjoon with sleepy eyes, smiling a bit.

"jimin, jungkook, i have to tell you guys something", namjoon whispered as quiet as possible, hoping the younger boys would understand him anyways since he would rather not say it twice.

"what is it?", asks jimin, now wide awake and looking at namjoon full of curiosity.

from jungkook he just heard a tired "hm?".

"im gay", he whispers softly.

he honestly expected to be more calm now considering he came out to so many people in such a short time. but hes still nervous, his heart beating fast and waiting for a reaction he already knows will be the same as all the others before.

"not surprising, hyung"

wait, what? namjoon was confused.

"what do you mean, jungkook?"

jimin just giggles and shrugs his shoulders. jungkook told him that it isnt really that big of a surprise since hes not that stupid and knows his hyungs well. namjoon wanted him to be a little bit more clear, so he explained why he always kinda knew that joonie isnt that hetero.

"you never had a girlfriend and neither do you really talk about girls the way, for example jimin, does. and since there were never any signs that youre straight, i just assumed you arent."

namjoon just laughs and sarcastically congrats jungkook on his smart brain and his skill on finding out peoples sexuality. jimin joins in too and after a bit they all just cant stop laughing.

both, taehyung and yoongi woke up from the noise, confused and tired.

"whats going on?", yoongi said so quiet that namjoon and the others almost didnt notice.

"namjoon hyung likes boys!"

after that, the three boys just started to laugh even harder, not even knowing whats so funny about the whole situation.

but theres one thing namjoon knows for sure.

and that is that hes genuinely happy right now, feeling so good after knowing that he doesnt have to hide anymore and that hes so so loved.

--------

you can find my other stories on wattpad @ smolouis

please leave feedback!!

[imagine-those-dorks]

Hey!! Love the blog! Could I request a scenario w/ ryoma’s s/o finding him knocked out after Kirumi bludgeons him with that wooden pole? (Or whatever it is) like where Kirumi flees and decides to not kill ryoma, but his s/o finds him and thinks he’s dead? (But he’s not) ty in advance!

This!is!all!i!care!about!!!!!!!! Chapter 2 destroyed me and i will never recover so i might as well write the ending we really deserved

I hope you don’t mind but instead of making the reader already Ryoma’s s/o, i changed it to them having a not yet out crush on him. I felt it would make a bit more sense 

Also i’ve been wanting to write this scenario for a while now, i hope you don’t mind the liberties i took into it and i hope you still enjoy this!!

-Mod Ryoma

Just a warning this is a long one!

It was really late but you couldn’t sleep…

After all how could you?

How could you peacefully close your eyes and ignore the things around you for at least a few more hours just to wake up again and remember where you were?

You had been frantically running around the entire school to see if you could find Ryoma’s motive video before he does. Everyone else would tell you they didn’t watch the video and refused to just give it away or would tell you not to mess with things that didn’t concern you.

You both had gotten closer since coming to the school unexpectedly, though you kinda already knew who he was from his reputation. It wasn’t easy to get him to open up and tell his side of the story. He had everyone taken away from him…and that’s exactly why your gut feeling of why he was interested in his motive video in the first place really bothered you. 

Was he eager to see if there was even a single person important enough to him to be in that video? What if that was the case? What would he even do? 

Thoughts raced in your mind, the more you wondered, the more sick you felt.

He shouldn’t have to go through this alone, no one should.

Pushing yourself up and out of bed, you changed into normal clothes and quietly snuck out your room, being careful not to slam your door too loud that it might wake the others.

You nervously made your way over to Ryoma’s room, standing outside just looking at it for a while. Before you could talk yourself out of it you reached up and rang the bell next to his door, being able to here the ‘ding-dong!’ echo throughout his room inside.

No answer.

Okay…maybe he was just..asleep…

But what if he wasn’t,,,,what if he was wondering out so late at night because, like you, he can’t sleep,,

Without even thinking twice you were up and out the doors of the dormitory and almost run-walking into the school.

The only other room he must be in would be his own research lab. You’d been in there a few times but you had only seen him use it as it’s intended purpose once and that was when he invited you to play with him after hanging out with him one day.

You don’t know why your heart was beating so fast, why seeing him okay was so important. Why letting him know he’s not alone felt so important to you.

Making your way up the final flight of stairs you hastily make your way to the door, only to have the door fly open, hitting you in the face in the process.

It all happened in a quick second, before your realized it, your body made contact with the floor and you were out like a light. 

…

…

…

It felt like you slept 1000 years when you came to.

Pushing yourself up from the cold floor, a sharp pain pounded against your head and the part of your shoulder where you landed on it wrong.

It was still dark outside, so you assumed you were actually down and out for maybe an hour at the longest.

You highly doubted that the door swinging into you was Ryoma himself, surely he would’ve stayed with you until you woke….

Peering into the already opened room, you tried to take in the scene.

Hoshi sprawled out on the floor of the research lab, a plank of wood thrown down next to his body.

You darted your way over to him, shaking him in a frenzy 

“Ryoma? Ryoma!!!!”

You keep repeating his name and flipped him over onto his back.

He couldn’t be dead, you were right there!

Tears pushed their way into the corners of your eyes

Placing your ear up to his chest, you could feel it move up and down and his heart beating at a normal slow pace.

You let out a sigh of relief….he was okay…

You looked around, no one was around and nothing else seemed out of place…

A possible murder?

Maybe the culprit chickened out and thats when they bumped into you…

Whatever the case may be, you were just so relieved he was alive…

Your head hurt too much to dwell too much on a crime scene

You wiped the little tears from your eyes as you leaned down and swooped him up into your arms

It wasn’t really that hard to hold him

So much so that you grabbed the plank of wood you could only assume knocked him out in the first place and held a firm grip on the two.

If the culprit was still out and about and bumped into you on the way back, you felt comfortable having some kind of line of self defense 

…

…

…

It wasn’t too early in the morning when Ryoma finally came to 

He slowly opened his eyes, the pain in the back of his head stinging being much worse then yours as he sat up

He was in his bed…and so very confused how he got there

His gaze wondered to the foot of his bed where he saw you, your upper body laying upon the edge, arms folded under you to support your head, out like a light.

Peaking over the bed he could see a plank of wood by your side..

Well now maybe he had some what of an answer.

Leaning over, he shook you awake.

The first thing you see upon waking up is Ryoma in your face

Blinking the sleep out of your eyes, it all started rushing back to you

You subconsciously moved your arms and wrapped then around Ryoma’s neck into a hug

“Ryoma! i’m so glad your okay! I was so worried and i went to see if you were doing okay but you weren’t in your room and i panicked a little so i assumed the only other place you would be in was your research lab and i was rushing up the stairs i wasn’t looking where i was going and your lab swung open in front of me and i fell and and…-”

Your grip tightened around Ryoma as you got more and more worked up.

“Why?…” Ryoma said with a dry response

“…w…why what?”

“Why would you waste your time worrying about someone like me?…someone with nothing and nobody to live for…someone wh-”

His voice seemed to strain, almost as if he was holding back tears

All he could remember was talking to Kirumi and feeling that if those were his last moments, atleast he may have helped someone with more to live for.

“Shhhhh, Ryoma, Ryoma please…all that matters right now is that im here…..you’re here…and im glad you are…”

You both spent the rest of the day in his room, just talking, a bit of crying, and just enjoying each others company.

Even if his original plan fell through, he seemed to beam with some kind of new found strength 

[danceyreagan]

Isaiah and Mona~First Kiss

Masterlist  Moodboard 

A/N: Mona is Black. Representation matters. 

A big shout out to my girl @blinder-secrets for editing this and giving me writing tips. I love you girl. 

Mona was standing in the doorway of the Jesus household, watching Tabby and Jeremiah move around the small kitchen. They had a rhythm going. One was setting up plates, the other cups, Jeremiah grabbed silverware, Tabby pulled the food out of the oven. Mona wondered if Isaiah ever assist in helping make the meals, or setting up the tables, or was he in charge of clean up and what was the dynamic when his mother was alive?

They moved around each other with ease and deep in conversation. Tabby was telling Jeremiah about the colleges she was applying too. The conversation though continuous did not seem to distract them from their movements. Mona didn’t dare speak up, or join in, for fear of throwing off their rhythm. She was waiting for Isaiah to come home. The dinner was his plan, and yet, he was nowhere to be found. He was late, in fact he was almost an hour late and Jeremiah decided to go on and eat without him.

Tonight was supposed to be their third date. Their first date had gone well, better than they both would have expected and, much to his surprise, she had agreed to another. For their second date, he’d taken her to the pictures and to a small restaurant on the outskirts of town away from prying eyes. What surprised Mona most, was how easy it was to be with Isaiah. He never tried to force the romance or make her uncomfortable by staring too long, or over complimenting her appearance. Hell, he hadn’t even tried to kiss her. He was a complete gentleman. The most they did was hold hands across the table while they talked and joked about the Shelby’s. He told her about how country Michael was in the past, and she was determined to find a joke that made Him laugh. Though, she failed miserably every time; only earning an, “Oh no. That's just bad,” alongside the infamous, and totally adorable, disgusted face he made. Which may or may not be the reason why she continues to tell bad jokes.

So, this was the third date. Tabby had invited Finn as well, which annoyed Isaiah to no end. He stomped around the house like a toddler for hours after he found out. To be honest, he was embarrassed for Finn to see how soft he was in Mona’s presence. It wasn't as if everyone hadn't already been witness to the starry gazes they shared whenever in each others presence. This was, in fact, a popular topic of conversation in his absence.

“What time did my brother say they were supposed to be home?” Tabby asked, snapping Mona out of her daze.

“Half past six,” Mona replied, noting the clock on the wall.

6:55pm. Mona was beginning to worry.

She’d woken that morning with a terrible feeling that something bad was going to happen. She immediately called her parents, who were fast asleep. Then she phoned Isaiah at the shop, to make sure he’d made it to work safely. Michael had answered, seemingly annoyed - he was so monotone there really was no telling, before passing the phone to Isaiah.

“Are you okay, Isaiah?”

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked, confusion laced in his voice.

“I'm not sure. I just have this feeling.“

”I'm okay. I promise.”

“Positive?”

“Yeah. I’ll be in the office all day, working the books with Michael. The only thing I'm in danger of is fucking boredom.”

“Be serious, please.”

“I am, I promise. Look, I gotta go. I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

“Okay. See you tonight.” The funny thing about premonitions is that they seem to always come to fruition. She went through her day with extra caution still not feeling at ease after her conversation. She went through everyone she cared about calling and making sure everyone was ok before heading to work that morning.

The sudden and shrill ringing of the phone brought Mona back to reality. It rang twice more before Tabby shed her oven mitts and made her way to the phone.

“Hello?” Her face was indecipherable as she listened to the person on the other end. Aware of the silence, Jeremiah exited the kitchen to join everyone in the sitting room, all trying and failing to listen.

Tabby hung up the phone, looking at her father. ”Pop, Isaiah’s been hurt, he’s at the shop.” “Did they say what happened?” Mona asked, her voice laced with concern as she began to wring her hands together.

“No. Just thats he’s been hurt.” If Tabby was worried, she didn't show it. Mona tried her best to mirror her emotions. Afterall, it was her brother and if she was calm, then Mona thought it best not to get too worked up.

Before anyone had a chance to speak again, there was a knock at the door. Mona nearly jumped out of her skin.

“It’s me, Finn.” Mona, being closest to the front door, stepped forward to let him in. Finn’s face was flushed and there were light beads of sweat collected on his forehead and temples, and his chest heaved violently, as if he ran the distance from the shop to their home. He immediately pushed past Mona, making his way over to his girlfriend wrapping his arms around her and placing a gentle yet urgent kiss on her forehead. Looking down she noticed small bits of dried blood on his knuckles.

“He’s okay.” Finn said finally getting a handle on his breathing. “He’s been stabbed. He sent me here to sit with you while Jeremiah goes to the betting shop. A meetings been called.”

“Are you armed Finn?” Jeremiah asked. “No.” “There's a gun in the drawer of the side table, and one in Isaiah’s room. Just in case.” He gave Tabby a small nod before turning and leaving.

“Are we in danger?” Mona asked “No. I don’t think so.” Finn moved to the side table, taking the gun and checking for bullets.

Mona nodded in response, unsure of what to do or say next.

An hour had passed and still no word. The room was quiet as if its inhabitants were afraid to speak. The food sat cold and untouched in the kitchen still in the pots and pans from where it had been abandoned earlier. Mona was on her fifth cup of tea, from the looks of it she might make it to six. She was wired to say the least. Currently, she was pacing the length of the sitting room. She had been sitting beside Finn, shaking her foot frantically but he told her she was giving him motion sickness, so she took to pacing instead. Tabby sat with her arm hooked through Finn’s, resting her head on his shoulder while he sat with his arms crossed, and resting on his knees.

“How has she not gone to the bathroom yet?” Finn whispered to his girlfriend, earning a slap on his arm.

“How are you not more worried, Tabitha?” Mona asked frustratingly as she finally stopped pacing.

“Sadly, I'm used to it.” Tabby gave a small shrug “If it's not Isaiah I’m worried about, it’s Finn. After a while you learn to cope.”

Mona turned her attention to Finn,  “What happened exactly?” She was so on edge that she hadn’t thought to ask before now.

“We were on our way out the door, to come here, but Tommy stopped us. Wanted us to go and intimidate a group of thugs out of Peaky territory. Isaiah and I did everything we could to stay calm but, they were looking for a brawl. Next thing you know, a knife was pulled. And well, you know the rest.”

Mona stopped pacing and took a second to process the information. “Can you walk me to the shop? Please?”

“Isaiah’s orders were to stay here,” he said, looking to his girlfriend to back him up.

“I need to know he’s alright. You can stay if you want, but I’m going with or without you,” she demanded, raising her eyebrows at Finn. Mona wouldn't dare claim that she knew Isaiah well, but she knew that he’d be angry at Finn if she walked the six blocks to the shop alone, especially after dark. Finn looked at Tabby once more, to see if maybe she could assist him in convincing Mona to stay. But, she just looked between Finn and Mona, unsure of what the right move was. “Tabby, don’t you want to see if your brother is alright?” Mona asked, knowing exactly what nerve she was hitting.

That was all it took. Tabby looked at Finn and shrugged. Letting out a deep sigh, Finn agreed. “Fine, lets go. But I'm taking the gun with me.” 

When they arrived at the shop, everyone was in the the sitting room of the house. There seemed to be a gloom hanging in the air. Isaiah’s shirt was on the table next him, and Mona could see the blood stains from where she was standing by the door. She searched for Isaiah, finding him sitting next to his father with his shirt off, looking at the wooden floor as he absentmindedly shook his leg. Her heart fell into her stomach.

Tommy ran down a list of tasks. Polly was standing towards the back while, on the other end of John, sat Arthur and Esme. No one seemed to notice them enter the room, until Finn cleared his throat.

“We need to strike now, and fast be-“ Tommy stopped and looked towards the sound.

Mona gave a nervous wave at everyone. She had met the Shelby’s, sure, but she had never been in a room with all them - it was really quite intimidating. She started the get the feeling that showing up was a bad idea.

Tabby walked over to where Isaiah was sitting, “Are you okay, brother?” “Yeah, I'm okay. Hurts like hell though,” he said, looking over to see Mona beside Finn.

Her eyebrows seemed to be frozen together. She wanted to speak, but everyone was there, watching them.

It’s as if Isaiah read her mind. “Will you excuse us please, Tommy?” Without waiting for a response, he stood, motioning for Mona to follow him through the doors to the empty betting shop. She nodded, and followed, only somewhat aware of the eyes on them.

Mona wasted no time, once the door was closed and she knew he was alright, she went from worried to irritated. ”I told you. I fucking told you. I had a bad feeling and you didn't listen.”

“You did, yeah,” Isaiah said, slightly taken aback by her harsh language, but also pleasantly surprised by how much she cared. He couldn't help the slight smile that began to form. He looked down at the desk next to him to try and hide his face.

Mona looked around, confused. “What? Why are smiling?” “You care,” he said with the smile still plastered on his face.

”Of course I care, why wouldn’t I? Stop smiling.” “I'm alright by the way. Thanks for asking,” he said.

“Yeah, but, what if you weren’t? What if there's a next time?” she asked, Mona’s tone changed from angry to concerned.

Mona knew Isaiah’s job was dangerous when she agreed to go out with him. That was the one setback. But, Isaiah liked his job and, more than anything, the status that came with it. Being a Peaky meant consequences to those who crossed him. Being a black man was hard enough and she understood that being a Peaky meant security for him and his loved ones because most people weren't too keen on having their tongues and eyes cut out over a racial slur. Besides, after the burning of the Marquis of Lorne, people had left him and his family alone.

Seeing the concern on her face alarmed him; he didn't want to be the cause of her stress. He knew she didn’t like his job, and to be quite honest, he was afraid she was going to end everything. Isaiah moved closer, stretching out his uninjured arm and placing his hand on Mona’s shoulder.

“Look, I’m alright. It's nothing, barely hurt. I promise.” She raised an eyebrow, as if to say “yeah right”, but before anyone could do or say anything the door swung open, and John entered. “Ok, let’s go, get your things. I’m driving you all home.” The car ride to Mona’s was short, and made in relative silence. The only conversation was between John and Esme in the front seat. Mona sat looking out the window as Isaiah held her hand. Once they reached her place, Isaiah hopped out first and made his way to Mona’s side of the vehicle to open her door. John looked on in the rearview, rolling his eyes at the sight. Esme just shook her head. “He’s being a gentleman, John. Wouldn’t kill you to try sometimes.” “Yeah, it might. Besides, you love me anyway. Can't keep your hands off me.” Mona turned to face Isaiah once they reached the front door. “So...” she said, hands joined together behind her back as she rocked nervously on the balls of her feet. “So. How about we try again? Tomorrow night, my place?” “Yeah, okay,” Mona said. She stood there for a second. Without thinking too much, she leaned forward, and placed a quick kiss on his lips. Isaiah was too surprised to react. He stood stiff as a board.

”Im glad you didn’t die,” she said, embarrassed, wanting to enter her home as quickly as possible. But, before she could, Isaiah grabbed hold of her wrist. “Can we do that again? Please?” He asked looking towards the ground.

Mona nodded in response. “Okay.”

Isaiah leaned in slowly and paused, waiting for Mona to meet him halfway. When she finally met his lips, he worked his un-injured arm around the back of her neck to gently hold her in place.

Once the kiss began, Mona’s nerves dissipated. Being with Isaiah was easy, they just seemed to fit. Isaiah, however, was mentally freaking out.

He had wanted to kiss her since that day in the Shelby kitchen, and it was finally happening. His arms went cold with nerves, his fingertips began to tingle, and his skin was covered in goosebumps. Mona’s lips were warm and soft against his own. He could smell the oils she used in her hair mixed with her perfume. She smelt of eucalyptus, lemons, and fresh water springs. He knew from this moment, that he never wanted to kiss anyone else.

However, the kiss was cut short from the sounds of John whooping and cheering from the car. “Whoo! Get it Mate!!!” Mona pulled away, and looked down at her shoes. “See you tomorrow, yeah?” Isaiah asked

“Yeah, okay,” Mona replied with a shy smile. She leaned forward to place a quick kiss on Isaiah’s lips, before taking a backwards step into her home.

“Hey, Isaiah!” Mona shouted as he walked to the car “Try not to get stabbed this time!”

Feedback is always welcome. Inbox Open

@allaboutjoecole @pb-bonniegold @twistedrunes @thewanderingblinder @collecting-stories 

[angelixii]

1-140 (anything you haven't answered already) - Felix

Oh, hello! Thanks for the ask!! 💕

3 fears - Spiders (I get frightened when I think about them) heights (slightly) and the public (anything like murder, kidnapped, ya know stupid people)

 3 Things I love - Music, Idols, and animals

 2 Turns on - ig Hats (like snapbacks) and glasses

 2 Turns off - oof I don’t really know.. ig self absorbed or a fudge boy

 My best friend - C: @straykids-sk (wuv you)

 How tall am I - 5′2

 What do I miss right now - My cat that passed away :c (her name was P.J)

 Favourite color - Blue, red, and sometimes green

 Do I have a crush - no not really

 Favourite place - my home

 What am I listening to right now - theres a website called asoftmurmur.com and it has noises like rain or waves and stuff like that

 Shoe size - pretty sure 10 in US womens

 Eye color - brown

 Hair color - light-ish brown

 Meaning behind my URL - I chose Felix cause hes my bias wrecker and hes angelic C:

 Favourite song - Theres like a million but 5SOS’s She Looks So Perfect wil always be a favorite (idk why)

 Favourite band - Ill just chose Stray Kids cause I don’t wanna write them all out

 How I feel right now - kinda tired but ig ok

 Someone I love - Ill say my best fren Georgia (@straykids-sk) cause i wuv her

 My current relationship status - single and i kinda wanna stay that way for a while

  My relationship with my parents - We all live in the same house and its just us (I have one other sister but she moved out. But shes here a lot tho) and we all get along well

 Favorite season - probably Spring c:

 Tattoos and piercing I have - none and I don’t really want any

 Tattoos and piercing I want - ^^^

The reasons I joined Tumblr - Georgia wanted me to and I thought it would be fun (I was right c:)

 Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - no :/

 Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - oh heel no she my best fren I would never

 How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - when I have school like 20 minutes at max

 Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? - I did today

 Where am I right now? - at my house on my laptop c:

 Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - reasonable level cause I’ve always had ear problems and they are sensitive (even tho I always have my earbuds in)

 Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yup

 Am I excited for anything? - not that I can think of no

 Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - nope :/

 How often do I wear a fake smile? - not THAT often

 If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - oooof I don’t think I could answer that question

 What do I think about most? - probably k-pop

 Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Definitely behind

 What was the last lie I told? - It was kinda a joke but “i’ll do it because im the good child”

 Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Eh depends on who it is but facetiming/video chatting

 Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - ghosts kinda and aliens, I mean sure we’ve barely discovered space, who knows whats out there

 Do I believe in magic? - sometimes yeah

 Do I believe in luck? - I mean yeah

 What’s the weather like right now?- theres nothing really going on

 What was the last book I’ve read? - uhhhhhh fully on my own (not in class)? The Maze Runner Scorch Trials

 Do I have any nicknames? - Kassadoodle, Kassidilla, Kassy

 Do I spend money or save it? - I’m trying to save as much as I can rn in my little money jar c:

 Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - nah

 Favourite animal? - Lions and Fennec Foxes

 What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - uhhh im pretty sure saying goodbye to Georgia on video chat

 What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - oo um I cant really think of one rn :/

 What is my favorite word? - yeet

 My top 5 blogs on tumblr (not in any order)

@honeylixs

@zoxsu

@tinyfigureskater

@stray-kids-dork

@straykidsmate

 If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - I probably wouldn’t say anything cause im shy and afraid people would judge me on what I say c:

 Do I have any relatives in jail? -not that I know of

What is my current desktop picture? - a pic of Bts

Had sex? Bought condoms? Gotten pregnant? Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Had job? Smoked weed? Smoked cigarettes? Drank alcohol?

no to ALL those questions C:

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope don’t think I could ever

Been overweight? - …

Been underweight? - no.

Gotten my heart broken? - nah

Been to prom? - nope

Been in airplane? - nope and I never want to really

Learned another language? - I take required (cause im one of the more intelligent kids in school. I know shocker right?) Spanish classes in school but im on summer break so I dont remember any c:

Wore make up?- nope

Dyed my hair? - nope

Had a surgery? - plenty of ear surgery and had my tonsils removed

Met someone famous? - nope

Stalked someone on a social network? - nope

Been fishing? - no but my dad has always wanted to take me and it sounds kinda fun

Been rejected by a crush? - nope never really had one and if I did I would never have the guts

What do I want for birthday? - ooo idk but i have to wait till next year anyway cause its already passed

Do I like my handwriting? - sometimes when my hand cooperates

Where do I want to live when older? - with my girl Georgia

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? - nope ima good child (yeah ok suuureee)

What I’m really bad at - running :/

What my greatest achievments are - managing to keep straight A’s and I dont even study cause im online so

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - “u bird cage” - Georgia c;

What I’d do if I won in a lottery - ooooooooof idk

What do I like about myself - uhhhhh heh ig my hair or eyes/eyelashes

My closest Tumblr friend - Georgia (yes I do know her irl but shes honestly the closet tumblr friend I have so)

Any question you’d like? - hmm idk

Are you outgoing or shy? - definitely shy, unless with people im close to then quite crazy

What kind of people are you attracted to? - funny, cute and nice people

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - hA no

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - kinda

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - oof idk

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “ohhhh no XDD” (sent to Georgia)

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - (I already answered this question and don’t wanna answer again)

Do you like it when people play with your hair? - yes I love when freinds at school did (once we were watching a movie in Spanish and my friend next to me was playing with my hair and I almost fell asleep heh)

Do you think there is life on other planets? - totally

Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t had one in forever

Do you like your neighbors? - only one cause I think im related to them somehow or they are to like my uncle

Where would you like to travel? - out of this hell hole country c:

Favorite part of your daily routine? - checking my tumblr and stanning talent

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - stomach

What do you do when you wake up? - check my notifications on my phone

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I wish it was more tan than it is (im quite pale)

Do you ever want to get married? - yeah

If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - yes but I hate pony tails so I never do it (I used to all the time as a kid)

Would you rather live without TV or music? - I rarely watch t.v anymore and listen to music almost all day so

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - I mean yeah

What are your favorite stores to shop in? - I dont really have one for clothes but I do like Walmart

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - I mean sometimes

Do you smile at strangers? - If the smile at me first yeah

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - not that I can remember no

Ever wished you were someone else? - no (as much as I hate myself no)

Favorite makeup brand? - son;t wear any so I dont got one

Last thing you ate? - a Reese cup

Ever won a competition? For what? - not a big one I can remeber no

Ever been in love? - c:

Facebook or Twitter? - dont have a fb and i barely use twitter anymore but twitter

Twitter or Tumblr? - DEFINITELy tumblr

Are you watching tv right now? - i mean its always on for bg noise and light so ig so

What color are your towels? - all kinds of colors

Favorite ice cream flavor? - either Strawberry with out the strawberries or cookie dough

First person you talked to today? - my mom

Last person you talked to today? - Georgia

Name a person you hate? - C: theres too many

Name a person you love? - once again, theres too many

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - C: theres too many

Do you tan a lot? - I barely go outside so thats a no

Have any pets? - too many

Do you type fast? - I mean kinda yeah

Do you regret anything from your past? - everything XD

Ever broken someone’s heart? - I highly doubt it

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - C:

Is cheating ever okay? - hell no

Do you believe in true love? - I mean sure

What your zodiac sign? - Pisces

Do you believe in ghosts? - why is this question on here twice?

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou) - “…but not at all overwhelming, the balance of the different fragrances was subtle and flawless.” Twilight - Breaking Dawn (Do NOt ask me why thats the closest book its not mine and ive never read it and i NEVER plan on it)

oof that took like two hours heh.. its now currently 2:18am. and im very tired

but thanks for the ask anyway love! Im sorry for the wait! I was busy today. But im probably going to go to bed now

[suchakidder]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Armin Arlert/Jean Kirstein Characters: Jean Kirstein, Armin Arlert Additional Tags: Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Established Relationship, Discussion of masturbation, the slightest bit of voyeurism but it's most unintentional? Series: Part 1 of Jearmin Week 2018 Summary:

Jearmin Week Day 1: Fantasy Titans are mostly eradicated, the ocean has been seen, and the Survey Corp finds themselves with free time for the first time in years. There's one activity Jean prefers to indulge in above the rest, but when it seems Armin doesn't get as much out of it as he does, a conversation must be had. Featuring penis insecurity, Jean learning more he ever wanted to know about his friends' sex lives, and no actual smut in the first chapter.

You can read it on ao3 but it’s also posted below the cut. It’s kinda long so I’d suggest ao3 BUT it’s all up to your preference 

“Are you sure you’re alright Jean?” Armin asks for maybe the third or fourth time in the last half hour.

Jean’s not. The whole post-dinner walk to the beach had been for the express purpose of talking about what’s bothering him, but the closer he gets to asking the question he needs to ask, the less he wants to hear the answer.

“Armin, I have to ask you something.”

“Go ahead,” Armin says and when Jean doesn’t he frowns slightly. “Jean, you know you can ask, or tell, me anything, right?”

Jean takes a deep breath, steeling himself for any outcome. You only want the best for Armin, his happiness is most important.

“Is my dick too small for you?” Jean finally asks.

Armin wrenches his hand from Jean’s to turn and face him. He blinks several times, and then opens his mouth to reply but no words comes out. He closes it, then opens its, stops to think and the process repeats several times before finally, “What the hell Jean?”

---

The problem started on Jean’s birthday. Precisely it began the day his mother gave birth to a boy with a penis too small to please his lover, but for this particular instance the problem started on Jean’s seventeenth birthday when Armin’s present to him was the best blowjob in the world. That cum was the only thing to shoot from Jean's dick, not his soul or the remains of his dignity, was phenomenal. That Armin could smile and talk, his throat not wrecked from that amazing performance, was a goddamn miracle. Where it had all gone wrong was when Jean asked how to return the favor.

“I’m good.”

“But I can make you feel really good” Jean had countered, but his attempts at a seductive voice must have failed because Armin just laughed at him. Armin, naked and cum stained, laughed at him.

“Just enjoy your present,” He’d said and that should have been the end of that. Jean was man enough to admit his dick sucking techniques were probably good but nothing near that, but it wasn’t like they only ever traded blowjobs.

While Armin dozed, pillowed on Jean’s shoulder, he had done the math in his head. In the past three weeks, they’d had sex nine times and Armin had finished three times to the best of Jean’s recollection. Three times. A whopping two thirds of the time they had sex, Armin didn’t orgasm. Including that time last week when Armin topped; how could he not come from that? Sure that was only a three week sample of their nearly two year relationship, but if Jean had included the first few months, pre and post returning to Shingashina, the rate would probably be even lower.

It’s not that Jean didn’t try, Armin just seemed to hurry them along and he either fell asleep right after or got up to shower. Case in point, a few days later, Jean had tried to focus solely on Armin, kissing down his body slowly, before zeroing in on his cock, but Jean had been there only a minute or two, hadn’t even managed to fit all of Armin down his throat yet, when Armin took hold of Jean’s hand and moved it from his thigh to his backside where, holy shit, Armin had pre-lubed.

Jean had tried to go slow, find that perfect angle that drove Armin crazy and keep him there with long, full strokes, but Armin dug his heels into Jean’s back, and he pleaded and begged him to go faster and looked so good, a flush starting at his chest and moving up his neck and face, those big blue eyes blown, that Jean had complied. And when he tried to reach for Armin’s dick, Armin batted him away then dressed almost immediately, teasing Jean they’d be late for dinner.

Jean didn’t have any previous experience, they’d been each other’s first everything, but he did have the contents of his mother’s bedside table. He must have been seven or eight when he found her collection of erotic novels, and since that day they had been his favorite past time when both his parents were out of the house.

In those novels there were one of two reasons a man couldn’t please his woman. The first was his lack of oral skills, but Armin didn’t have those parts anway. And as for the second, how many times had the heroine laid under a man, usually her husband, as he worked her over with his small tool, while her thoughts were a million miles away on men with nearly double the length and girth.

Armin’s dick was only a few centimeters longer than Jean’s own, and pleased Jean perfectly well when he was bottoming, but he topped more often than not. He knew his penis was average sized; after five years of communal showers, he knew the size of most of his fellow teammates, flaccid at least, and knew he measured up to most, aside from Franz’s abnormally large physique. But, if Armin weren’t coming nearly as often as Jean, maybe he needed more?

Which led to here, ruining their weekly beach stroll. Jean should have let sleeping dogs lie, Armin wasn’t complaining after all, but the thought that Armin might be unhappy wouldn’t stop nagging him.

“Why would you think that?” Armin asks.

“You didn’t come last night.”

“Ok, I don’t have to every time-”

“Or Sunday night.”

“There have been plenty of times where I’ve come and you haven’t Jean, there’s no - “

“You’ve come three times out of the last ten times we’ve had sex.”

That finally gives Armin pause. His brow furrows as he thinks it over in his head. “That bad? It’s not that I haven’t noticed there’s this discrepancy but…”

Jean waits for him to finish, but Armin looks uneasy suddenly. He’s looking down at his clasped hands, not meeting Jean’s eye. The moment of truth is upon them, Jean only hopes the solution won’t be Armin leaving him for another man.

“I always thought you were just… a little over enthusiastic.”

Which is not the reaction Jean thought was coming at all. “Wait, you think I’m the one who comes an abnormal amount?”

“A few times a week is a little excessive, don’t you think?”

“A few times a week? Armin, we lived in the same dorms. After lights out you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone who was jerking off."

“Yeah, that was when we were twelve. I’m pretty sure our hormones have cooled off since then.”

“Armin, since we’ve had our base, I either have sex with you or jerk off almost every single day. Sometimes twice in one day. Sunday? I masturbated like 40 minutes after you blew me.”

“You’re joking.”

“I am not.” Sunday had been a little excessive and Jean honestly thought he didn’t even have any cum left after Armin’s birthday present, or the mindset to jack off once the doubts of his skills and size came into play, but once he started thinking of sex and of Armin and of Armin during sex, well, it really wasn’t too hard especially with an uninterrupted view of Armin’s back and ass.

“Jean, that’s just… don’t you ever get bored?

That just confirms everything Jean read in those novels. Armin must see his distressed face and is quick to try to correct it.

“Bored’s the wrong word Jean, I’m not bored with you or with sex, I’m just… I think a lot.” Armin looks pleadingly at him. “Well what are you thinking about?”

“During sex? I’m not. Or if I am its just what position to get into next. Once, just once I wondered if Sasha or Eren could hear.” He actually has that thought a lot, there have even been times he’s afraid the whole wing could hear them, but thats always a thought for before or after, or occasionally in the morning when he meets Eren’s gaze as they exit their rooms at the same time.

“What are you thinking about?”

Armin has the decency to look chagrined. “I take it supply chains isn’t the answer you’re looking for.”

“No it’s not.”

They face off against each other, quiet but for the waves breaking over the shore.

“Let’s go back to our room.” And if Armin is offereing to leave the beach, things must be bad.

---

They don’t talk the entire way back. Even when they’re fighting, which has been only a few times in their relationships, they usually keep talking to each other. It’s why they don’t really fight, Armin doesn’t ever let the subject die nor does he let Jean storm away, so by the time they finish talking it out, they forget why they were upset in the first place.

As if to keep up appearances, or maybe just to placate Jean, Armin takes his hand as soon as they start walking, he even lifts it to his mouth and gives him a brief kiss to his knuckles, followed by what Jean thinks is a supportive smile but it doesn’t do much to ease the dread curled up in his stomach.

As they pass through the yard in front of the compound, Connie waves them over to where he’s sitting with Mikasa and Sasha under one of the trees, with what looks like a card game between them. Sasha catches Connie’s hand and pulls it down, only confirming Jean’s suspicion that even holding hands, something looks off between him and Armin. He hasn’t looked over to Armin, but he knows his own expression is stormy, the criminal look Armin calls it.

Inside, once they turn the corner onto their hall, Eren is there talking with Levi. The pair is at Eren’s door, which comes before Jean and Armin’s, and as they pass Levi turns to say something but Jean ignores it. Armin stops, the motion pulling his hand free and if he answers, Jean’s already opening their door. He tries to shut it gently once he’s inside, or at least with the usual force it takes to close a door, but his hand slips and it slams.

Great, now even Eren and Levi will think he’s too dramatic. But too dramatic would be packing up his things right away, when he doesn’t think their fight is anywhere near that level. Though if it would be, Jean suddenly despairs at their choice of only one room. The vets wing only has seven bedrooms, if he and Armin break up they’d have to repurpose an office somewhere, or worse. Jean’s imaging his life back in the new recruits dorms at seventeen when the door opens and Armin quite literally jumps at him.

They hit the bed, Jean first and Armin landing with a bounce on top of him. Armin’s arms are around his neck, and Jean is worried maybe they’re physically fighting, but then Armin burrows into the crook of Jean’s neck and Jean realizes they’re hugging just horizontally.

“Jean, I love you, alright. And I love having sex with you. And I love all 16 centimeters of your penis. I don’t want you to think I’m not satisfied with you- with any part of you- just because I don’t come as often as you do.” Jean holds him tight, one hand cupping the back of his neck and he starts to stroke the soft hair there while Armin kisses the side of his neck. With no warning, Armin pulls his head up, dislodging Jean’s hand, and looks at him hard.

“Wait Jean, are you hard?”

“No!” Jean says, not defensively at all.

Armin spreads his legs so that they drop down to either side of Jean, giving him the leverage to grind down into Jean’s crotch.

“You are!” Armin yells triumphantly, sitting up, still straddling Jean’s hips.

“You’re grinding on me, I’m somewhat aroused, what of it?”

“You were totally turned on before.”

“Well, you were talking like -”

“Like what? I love you? That gets you off?” An evil grin spreads on his face when Armin realizes he’s on to something. “I love you!” Armin repeats it again and again until Jean has to reach up and cover his mouth

“Eren and Levi are right outside the door.”

Instead of using one of his hands to remove Jean’s, or biting him, Armin starts to stroke Jean’s palm with his tongue, then pokes it between Jean’s middle and ring finger, doing his best to suck his ring finger into his mouth.

“Now I’m really getting hard, is that what you want?”

Armin shrugs, then succeeds in his mission and sucks his finger in deep.

Jean yelps and pulls his hand free. “Armin be serious.”

Armin pushes his hair back from where its fallen all around his face. “I suppose you’re right. Though,” and he really grinds down into Jean’s dick here “this isn’t what you’d consider fully hard? You are only 16 centimeters after all.”

Jean shoves Armin off and he falls back to the bed laughing.

“That’s low Armin.”

Armin tries to respond, he keeps making the beginning of what should be apologies but he can’t get any word out around his snorting, laughing so hard he curls up on his side and clutches his stomach. Jean can only imagine what Levi and Eren must think is going on in here, and for both their sakes, hope they cleared the hall long ago.

“I was thinking you’d leave me for bigger guy, but I think I’ll have to leave you for someone who doesn’t laugh at my pain,” Jean says.

Armin, still laughing, crawls back on top of Jean and peppers his face with kisses. “Jean I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.”

Pinned down, the only escape Jean is to turn his head to the side, leaving Armin to kiss the side of his face . He should have never given him an opening though, because after sucking a kiss under Jean’s jaw, Armin sticks his tongue into Jean’s ear. Jean’s reaction, screaming and flailing, sends Armin off in another peal of laughter, and Jean really hopes Eren and Levi aren’t listening in.

“I’ll find me a nice guy who doesn’t stick his tongue in inappropriate places.”

“How boring,” Armin comments. He’s still on top of Jean, his weight a nice pressure against his, somehow, despite everything, still somewhat hard dick.

“You can’t break up with me anyway; we share a bedroom.”

“I could if I left you for Levi. Then I could share his bedroom with him.”

“That’s who you’re going with, out of all your other choices?”

“I need a mature man, who can really understand me.”

“I’ll be mature for you,” Armin says in a voice that neither sounds mature, nor does anything to alievate Jean’s erection.

“Was there something you were going to talk about or just tease me all night?”

Armin sighs, so put out. He climbs off Jean, and fixes his hair that has once again, gone tangled and messy around his face. Jean sits up too, and reaches out with his thumb to rub away the tears collecting in the corner of Armin’s right eye.

“I can’t believe I’m dating someone who finds my misery so amusing.” Jean says. Armin opens his mouth. “If you’re about to say you can’t believe you’re dating someone who’s only 16 centimeters, I swear I’ll go proposition Levi right now.”

“He wouldn’t want you anyway.”

“Wanna bet?”

“I want to now, just to see you try.”

Jean considers it. “He’d kill me.”

“I guess you’ll have to settle for me then.”

“If I absolutely have to. Can we get on with it?”

Arnim nods, and suddenly it’s tactician Armin sitting on the bed with him, not his silly boyfriend who’d been teasing him the last few minutes.

“Our problem is we have a limited frame of reference for sex. I.E. we only have our own experiences with each other and by ourselves. So we need an outside view.”

Jean had even considered that briefly, before he’d confronted Armin about their issues. He’d even go so far as to sit down next to Connie, before realizing the fatal flaw in his plan. That flaw being the most important factor in Jean’s life; Armin is his best friend, his closest friend, and as such the only person he would ever talk to about matters even far less personal than his sex life.

“I’m not talking to anyone about our sex life.”

“Oh come on Jean. It doesn’t have to be personal.”

“How is ‘Hey Connie, I can’t make Armin come from my adequately sized cock, do you have any tips?’ not personal?”

Armin breathes in deep through his nose. “I like your dick Jean. Its big. In fact, when you’re inside me I feel so full, like I couldn’t take even the smallest millimeter more. I-”

God damn it, his erection had just gone away.

“Alright, I get it but what, I tell Connie I can’t make you come because you think too much? That’s still too personal.”

“Are you being purposefully difficult?”

Which, ouch, stings a little when Armin had been the one derailing the conversation at every turn just a few minutes ago, but Armin sorta has a point.

“Fine, Armin, what do I say to Connie then?”

“Our problem is we’re just apparently different in what turns us on and how often. So just ask Connie his experiences. If every day is less, more, or on par with his habits. If ‘I love you’ would work to turn him on. Things like that. And Sasha too.”

“No way!” As a whole, he’s close with Connie, Sasha, Armin, Eren and and Mikasa in ways only people who experience life and death situations together can be, but as for personal relationships he hit it off with Armin and sorta stayed there. He’s closer to Connie and Sasha than Eren and Mikasa, and he and Sasha go practice at the range together to fairly often, but he can only see himself talking to Connie about this, and even just barely. To ask Sasha?

“Would you rather talk to Eren and Mikasa?”

“Not only would I rather eat sand until I suffocate, but I don’t know if I want Mikasa and Eren knowing about our sex life.” They’ve been mostly good about their relationship, but Jean still gets looks from Mikasa occasionally that tell him otherwise. This afternoon, walking back from the beach, he was pretty sure Mikasa was gearing up to take him down when they passed by, and only a small wave from Armin, a clear ‘stand down’ wave, stopped her. Even once they’d passed the rec area and into the base, Jean still felt her eyes on the back of his head.

“They know we’re having sex Jean. Everyone does. Eren has more proof than others.”

Not only was Eren their neighbor to the right, he’d also learned his lesson about entering without knocking pretty quickly.

“I know they know, but they don’t know know. I don’t want them having to hear about how I deflowered their childhood friend.”

“That’s such an antiquated idea; do you think Kaitlyn Wegmann deflowered Mikasa?”

“Kaitlyn Wegmann? The military police transfer? She and Mikasa are---”

“Yes, quite frequently.”

“How do you know this?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?”

Jean had noticed Mikasa had a new friend. There were recruits and transfers from all over now that the Titans had been eradicated; even Jean had made a few new acquaintances. But he didn’t think Kaitlyn and Mikasa were that friendly. Mikasa’s room was only two down surely he would have noticed if--oh god, he suddenly remembers the time a few weeks he’d walked to the men’s restroom as the two were coming out of the women’s. But Jean had showered with the other guys all the time and he wasn’t sucking Eren’s or Connie’s dicks.

“Who else is hooking up?”

“Well…,” Armin lowers his eyes, conspiratorial. Jean leans in close, even though they’re in the privacy of their own room. “You do know about Historia and Ymir right?”

In a role reversal, Jean is the one tackling Armin to the bed this time. They land easier, it’s a much shorter distance to go from sitting on the bed to lying back than from standing at the foot of it, and Jean immediately gets to his knees so his hands are free to grab and poke at Armin’s stomach.

“I may not catch on to romance that well, but I’m not an idiot, Armin,” Jean says as Armin thrashes away from his tickling hands.

“I never-” and Armin breaks into laughter so hard he can’t talk “Jean please- ah ah ah - I never called you an idiot.”

“Well you definitely thought it.”

“Never.” Armin gasps. “Jean, I’m gonna pee myself if you keep this up.”

Jean relents, sitting back on his heels, still straddling Armin’s hips. The view is one he can never get tired of, Armin laid out underneath him, gazing up at him with that easy, thoughtless smile.

“So you’ll talk to Connie and Sasha then?” Armin asks, like anything in that conversation confirmed that.

“Have either of them had any secret hookups?”

“I’m not sure, but I at least have first hand evidence that Connie’s masturbated.” And at Jean’s disgusted face, “Come off it Jean, we shared a dorm. What were you saying earlier, a cat died every time someone masturbated?”

Which was not what Jean had said at all, but the fact remains. “That doesn’t mean I knew who was masturbating individually, I tried to tune that out.”

“I didn’t mean to listen, but come on. You had to be able to tell the difference between voices and sounds. I have an enclyopedia worth of knowledge on the individual habits of each of our fifty person dorm. I could - “

“Even me?”

That causes Armin to pause and he flushes, cheeks turning berry pink before he’s quick to recover. “You were a dormmate, were you not?”

Armin’s eyes track his movements as Jean places first his left, then his right hand to either side of the pillow. When Armin finally looks back up at him, his face is blank. If Jean didn’t know him well, he’d think Armin wasn’t affected, but this is his best friend after all.

“I was.”

“Well then, you were included in that list.”

“That’s it? Just one, completely insignificant noise in the middle of the night amongst all the others?” Jean lowers himself, their faces now only a few inches apart. Trapped and completely caught in his own admissions, Armin manages to still look aloof.

“Mhmm, that’s it.”

“So you watched me jerk off?”

“No!” Armin answers too fast.

“Tell me about it.”

“There’s nothing to tell. It was- I went to the bathroom one night and on my way back… You know it was always noisy at night. Guys were always snoring and coughing and shifting or adjusting themselves, and when I got close to your bed I heard something that made me look over and you were obviously touching yourself.”

Underneath him, Jean can feel the slightest shift as Armin moves his hips the tiniest bit. Armin’s chest is rising quicker and harder than any time in the night, tickling and laughter aside, and his pupils are wide, watching Jean closely. Insignificant his ass.

“That’s it? Come on, babe, I’m the injured party here, with some night creeper peeping on me. The least you can do is tell me what you saw.”

“Oh Jean, I couldn’t really see anything, it was dark and you were under the covers. You were half sitting,” Armin’s eyes close, as if he’s painting the picture in his mind. “Kinda leaned against the headboard and your legs were spread out, knees bent.”

Jean nods, he remembers many a night in the dorms spent bent over his cock, pumping furiously while visions, mostly of Mikasa, played out in his mind. Never more defined than just her presence, dark hair and eyes, thin red lips, some pressure and thrust. He only had his mom’s novels to go off, torrid love affairs, wets folds and quivering members. He had no idea what sex was like when it was with someone you wanted, with someone you loved.

“I moved closer because I could tell you were awake and I don’t know, maybe I was going to say something but then… I could see your right arm, your shoulder really, pumping up and down. Your other arm bent at the same angle so I thought you were probably… cupping your balls or the base of you dick... And you were, uh, moaning just a little. Yeah, a quick, low moan. And cursing, or… I couldn’t really here the words you were saying, but I think it was shit or fuck or…”

Again, Armin shifts, squirming under him but making no move to buck Jean off. Jean’s not resting any weight on Armin, but he lowers himself just a little, and yeah, Armin’s definitely turned on.

“And then?” Jean asks.

It takes a moment for Armin to reply, and when he does he’s back to aloof. As aloof as he can be with his pupils blown, his breathing shallow and the beginning of an erection forming.

“And then I went back to my bed and I never thought of it again.”

“Uh huh,”

“You don’t believe me?” Armin asks, and it’s too much for Jean not to lean down all the way, lips so close to Armin’s he can feel every exhale.

“You know what Armin?”

“What?”

“My bunk wasn’t between yours and the bathroom.” And then he finally closes the gap between them.

And as it would turn out, that night Jean’s sixteen centimeters are more than enough.

[strange-where-the-birds-go]

Lights At The Top Of The Stairs

Part 1.

I lived until I was 7 years old with my Nan. My nan and granddad were like my mum and dad and I loved them dearly. I frequently had strange dreams and occurrences happen to me as a child and they have only got stronger and stranger the older I got particularly the past few years. This recurring dream involved an old film camera and strangely enough an immense feeling of euphoric pleasure, fantastic experiences and visitors at weird times and in funny circumstances. The dream was one of three that I had all the time the first one happened when I was young and involved me taking photographs of lampposts, (I know I still don’t get it even now, maybe one day I may understand it’s strange. But it gets even stranger I assure you as you will no doubt find out if you follow the story. So strange you will probably find it all very hard to believe. But on my nans life and grave god bless her it’s all true. The lampposts featured in the dream was on the street where I lived as a child. The other two dreams and all the events in my life I want to explain, I will get to as I post these episodes each day. The synchronicity events and strangeness of it all should eventually become clear and leave you questioning things in your own life and what they may mean. Maybe you have had similair experiences as myself I am almost certain there will be people out there. Get in touch and comment I will be happy to reply.

Thinking from the present as I am writing this, I felt that my childhood dreams couldn’t be ignored but now looking back maybe they shouldn't have been followed considering what happened when I followed my dreams thinking it would be nothing but all good turned into something entirely different. Hopefully eventually I will understand why, what the dream meant, if anything at all. I hope it all becomes a happy positive event and not regretting my choices as I started to after the nightmare that entered my life.

It was a warm, hopeful summer, many years after the events I explain to you here that I remembered the childhood dreams. It was a summer where dreams seemed real and obtainable. I didn't want to be just another faceless nobody, with no real reason or meaning in my life. The idea of not doing anything worth while scared me, and that's all there was to it. The dream I had as a child was going to be followed with all my will, I just didn’t expect it to lead me where it eventually did. I just wanted to do well for my family. I can’t travel back and change things. I can now only hope for the best.

My mum gave birth to me at a young age and I went to live with my grandma. I called my grandma mum and always used to get my mum and nan’s names mixed up when I talked to them so this was the appropriate solution to me as a child. When I was living with my nan-mum I had a very strange dream whilst lying on my bed upstairs. I always until this day remember the dream. It’s what I influenced me me greatly to start my photographic journey.

I was settling down in the living room waiting for my Nan to come home. Strange visions and flashbacks in daydreams. knowledge I always wondered how I knew at a young age. My mum lived in a flat and felt it would be better on that I stayed with my nan while she worked to get money and a stable life for us. I was young anyway and loved my Nan and grandad and tonight I was looking forward to spending time with my them.

My Nan had been longer than usual this evening and I was getting worried. We were going to watch a spooky film together because it was Halloween. “Where’s nan gone Grandad” My 5 year old self said “ She’s ran off with the milk man” came the reply. I never really understood what this meant, just a funny remark at the time knowing my grandads humour.

The key turned in the front door and I felt better glad his Nan was home and safe. My grandad shouted “ be back later Mary there’s some money on top of the television if you need anything I wont be too long, going to speak to a man about some work tomorow” and with that my grandad went out on foot to the local for a few pints.

Nan took off her head scarf, quickly hung it up and threw her anorak over the back of the chair. She walked slowly towards the roaring coal fire to warm up her hands, carefully avoiding the tin bath prepared for the school bath earlier. She lit up a cigarette and sat in the chair opposite the brown veneered square TV set with the 50p box on the side slowly winding its way down ready for another hexagonal queens head. The air was stale, thick with smoke and the smell of cigarettes as she inhaled twice slowly blowing the smoke towards the ceiling and away from me. Feeling satisfied She turned to me. Ive got some jacket potatoes in the oven and treacle toffee, oh and toffee apples as well your favourite. I know its early but we can treat ourselves while we watch the movie, and why not”. “Thanks mum... nan”. I regularly stuttered and got names mixed up. “Thanks nan, are you looking forward to the scary move?” I can only remember seeing a large black Alsatian but having ominous feelings about this dog and the music in the film was eerie, more scary than the actual film at the time. We didn’t get to watch much of it. The tv went black and the 50p meter clicked loudly asking for another coin. Mary got up and went to the top of the tv looking for that big silver piece, inverted triangles that meet in the centre, in the pile of coins Grandad had left for nan “ I’m afraid we haven’t got any 50ps. We will have to wait until your grandad gets back now, isn’t that a shame I was enjoying that, Just when it was getting good as well”

I felt slightly fed up and walked into the kitchen to get a toffee apple. Pausing at the bottom of the stairs in the hallway I peered up to the bedroom landing. More scared now than after watching the actual film. I was thinking of the lights that came. I didn’t understand what they were but they made me feel anxious and scared. I wouldn’t look straight up tothe top of the stairs as it was too scary I had to peer out from the corner of my eye to check everything was ok up there and when I realised it was I hurriedly half jumped half ran across the front door hallway into the kitchen not once looking behind until I was at the toffee apples in the cupboard. Then peeling the yellow plastic wrapper off the sticky apple I took a bite as quickly as possible making sure to get as much of that red toffee in my mouth as possible and avoid the sour apple. I started hopping on the spot needing the toilet. The dread filled me as I knew I couldn’t go on my own up those stairs towards where the light came from. The light might get me. “ NANN, MUMM, NANN. I need the toilet will you sit on the stairs whilst I go please I’m bursting. “OK, But you should be able to go yourself”. I stood at the gas iron cooker and waited until nanmum appeared at the bottom of the stairs so I could approach the crooked steps, the lights formed in my sub conscious worried that very real and strange wisp of light might make another appearance. WHAT WAS IT. I ran to the bathroom at the top of the crooked stairs, terrified of the light appearing. I knew how it felt, never threatening at all the last time in fact quite the opposite but I was young and the not knowing scared me. “Nan don’t move, stay sat there please, I’m watching, if you go I wont be able to have a wee”, “ I wont move an inch you know that I wont” “I knew she wouldn’t let me down and trusted her more than anything” I ran up the stairs as quickly as possible looking back every two steps to make sure she hadn’t gone. When reaching the top step I kept my head and eyes straight forward not daring to look right or left and quickly went to the toilet pushing outwards as fast as possible always keeping the door open and making a backward glance towards Her for reassurance. No quicker was I finished and I was halfway back down those stairs again breathing heavily with the exertion and back with his nan. “ Why do you do that”, she said “The light comes nan it scares me” “What light?” “ I cant tell you, I want to, but I cant tell you”. Nan rolled her eyes and said, “You’ve been watching too many horror movies at aunty carols your imagination is wild”. I didn’t even hear Marys remark I was just so relieved to be back beside his nan and safe again.

Nan eventually found a 50p and walked over to the meter fumbling to find the right angle, the perfect spot so it would wind and drop, it clicked and fell into the empty box readily, having been emptied the day before. The TV came to life and Mary switched over to coronation street. Hilda was sat with Stan underneath the triple flying ducks in the living room and it reminded Stefan of his nan and grandad, Gail was also my other mum. I always made these comparisons with everyone in the tv and read their names backwards. “thats enough scary movies for tonight said nan. I think its best don’t you” “Aww Nan I wanted to watch till the end”.

My nan didn’t answer. She just gave me that look. She always knew the answer it was a sort of instinct she had. A knowing. We connected like that. We rarely had to speak we both knew the other like the inside of a well read secret book. I always felt content around her, it was like she could read my mind and the looks she gave me spoke a thousand words resonating on a much deeper level. When you feel the answer with your subconscious voice, those continuous thoughts, in your mind you don’t have to speak but your heart knows.

I was getting sleepy now but my stress levels were rising with the thought of bedtime, they always did especially on a Sunday night, a school night brought depression. It wasn’t school though that scared me, a small part maybe, but it was knowing I had to go to bed early on my own and face the light and the vastness of open space. The people in my dreams. The place between awake and falling asleep where the strange existed. The light outside the door on the landing, so bright and beautiful it would fill my room when I shut my eyes. When it touched my mind I was taken away to an immense blackness of what seemed like outer space. Where feelings crossed over and smells mixed with colours in ultraviolet strings that wrapped around my arms and merged with needles that pierced the tips of my fingers in moments of pleasure accompanied by a peculiar watering of the mouth, a sickly feeling. Floating around in what seemed like an endless universe of random screen images. Pixelated people and smooth two dimensional places wrapped up in tubes of light. It made no sense at all but felt strange and infinite, never endingly good at the same instant. Chattering noises and a great feeling of love wrapped in greater love and surrounded by humanoid like shapes manipulating it like a Rubin’s cube in an instance where all time stood still. silence for what felt like an eternity of singular moments posed inside each other, but was only a second in reality. Not past, present or future but only “is”. The light was so bright and perfect it became transparent emotion to the pit of my soul. To me it was normal I thought everyone must get visits by the light people. I find it hard to explain the happenings now I’ve grown up, but as a child I just couldn’t comprehend what was happening and that night was the start of something strange and beautiful that led to the worst and best time of my life all wrapped into one. If only I understood it as I understand things now as I walked towards the crooked stairs.

[lena-went]

Io Divago

                                                 For @mrschiltoncat 

F: Work plagued both of us for a few days after the gala and our time together mainly consisted of falling asleep in each others arms. She was on the phone and frantically scribbling at papers on her desk when I arrived at her apartment around 7pm one evening. It was a fairly early time for me to be home but she smiled at me as I walked into the living room. She moved the phone from her face and pressed it into her shoulder before she spoke.

“Hi love, I’ve just got to finish these last case briefs and then I’ll be ready for dinner.” She returned her eyes to the papers as she spoke with a hit of exhaustion on her voice. I placed my things next to the couch and took a seat with a sigh. She wasn’t the only one who had a tiring day. I listened to her voice as she carried on with one of her law school friends who apparently did not realize there were four parts to negligence. Y/N was so incredibly smart and graceful. Her tone was not condescending but rather the tone of a caring teacher. She explained everything slowly and thoroughly before hanging up and writing more on the papers in front of her. I could hear her humming a low melody from where I sat and I felt my eyes close in the sense of peace that blanketed over me. I heard a few more scratches and taps on her legal pad before the sound of footsteps neared me.

“Frederick? Are you asleep?” Her voice was quiet and she placed a small hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head but kept my eyes closed, I was more tired than I had thought.

“Oh darling, I’m sorry that took so long, are you hungry still or do you want to go straight to bed?”

“Hungry.” My stomach growled as if on cue and she giggled while placing a hand on my belly.

“Poor baby. What sounds good?” She spoke as she rubbed slow circles on my middle.

“God do not ask me that.” I groaned remembering our last argument over food. She laughed at my dramatics and placed a kiss on my jaw before leaving my side, her footsteps receding into the kitchen. I heard her open a few cabinets and take a sharp inhale before sighing.

“Well either we can order in or go out.”

“Order in.” My eyes were still shut and growing heavier by the minute. We had a few standard places we liked to order from on our busy nights when neither of us could be bothered to cook. I heard her return to take a seat beside me and the tones from her phone signaled the ring of another line. She greeted the employee on the other line by his first name and asked how his father was doing before ordering our normal feast. God we needed to get out more. After she hung up I felt her pulling at my hands. I groaned loudly and she scolded me with a giggle.

“Come on, you’ll like this I promise.” I raised an eyebrow and opened one eye out of curiosity.

She led me into her bedroom and prompted me to lay face down on the bed. I did and I felt myself tense at this strange position. The lights in the room were turned off save the candelabra style lamp on the floor near the bed which provided a hazy halo of light. Soon soft music was playing from her phone speaker and she placed it near my head so the relaxing tune was clear. I felt her move onto the bed and then onto me. She straddled my lower back and I could feel the heat from her body through my work clothes. Her hands started by stroking my shoulders and neck before brushing down my sides and back. I sighed into her pillow at the contact. Then her fingers returned to my shoulders and rotated in small circles loosening and relaxing the muscles there. Drifting purposefully to my scapula she carefully kneaded there as well as if she knew exactly where I was carrying my stress. I groaned in relief as she worked my back through my shirt and I found myself wishing I had removed it in advance. As if she could read my mind she brought her face to my ear and whispered for me to remove my layers. With more energy than I had possessed all day I moved and did as she asked before flopping back down hopeful for more. She obliged and the massage felt even more extraordinary against my bare skin. I breathed deeply and steadily as she moved over all my muscles leaving no spot insufficiently worked. To finish she placed small kisses down my spine before pulling at my side and causing me to rotate to lie on my back. She straddled me again and raked her fingernails gently down my sides and chest before leaning down to suck softly at the side of my neck. I moaned as she did this, unable in my relaxed state to hold myself back. I gripped her hips tightly and opened my eyes to see her directly above my face gazing at me lovingly. Her hair fell around both of our faces like the branches of a weeping willow as she kissed me tenderly before grabbing a strand of it to tickle my lips and nose. I laughed and my chest lifted with the sound at which she kissed me again.

“Do you feel a little better now?” She asked running a finger down the center of my chest and over my scar. I nodded as I massaged her outer and upper thighs hoping to get her moving on top of me. She obliged and rolled her hips ever so slowly making me push my head back into the pillow with a small whimper. Thats when the phone beside my head began to ring. She answered it immediately before moving off of me and down the hall. My frustration was indescribable. I heard her answer the door and exchange pleasantries with the delivery boy before shutting the door again. The sound of plastic bags and the smell of food drifted down the hall to where I laid both hands clapped over my eyes in misery.

“Baby did you want the white rice or brown?” She called from the kitchen and I grumbled back my answer. I heard her gather some plates and silverware from her cabinets and drawers before she called back to me to come eat with her.

I got up with a dramatic sigh and made my way to the living room where I plopped myself on the couch with a frown. She was still scooping out portions from the takeaway boxes and didn’t notice my theatricalities. With a light clink she sat the dishes full with vegetables and rice in front of me and took a seat across from me on the floor.

“Why are you on the floor?” I asked with a raise of my eyebrow before taking a spoonful of rice into my mouth.

“So I can look at you. When I sit next to you its harder to see your face.” She answered practically before she pierced a broccoli with her fork. I felt myself smirk and quickly ate more in an attempt to conceal my smugness at her comment.

“How was your day?” That was one of the things I loved about her, she always asked and no matter what I would say she would listen intently before offering thoughtful insights on whatever had troubled me that day. As I detailed to her the stressful encounters I had all day long she nodded and tilted her head in sympathy. Once I finished I asked her the same question and she began her tales of the day each more amusing than the last. The museum was struggling to bring in visitors and a few of her professors had decided to add more cases to her already massive list of reviews. A few minutes later I realized I should have been the one giving the massage. I said this and she laughed softly before returning to her food. We ate rather quickly (as we usually did), neither of us ever had much time for enjoying food, and besides my mind was already thinking about other things to enjoy. The dishes were promptly washed, dried and put away before she gave me a light kiss on the cheek and started making coffee.

“What are you doing?” I asked as she began scooping the grounds of Gevalia out of the yellow bag and into the top of the machine.

“Remember what I said, I’ve got cases that have cases and I have to be at the museum for a meeting with a huge patron tomorrow morning at 9.” She smiled sadly and reached for my hand. She caught it and pulled my fingertips to her lips and gave them a kiss.

“Do you want me to stay up with you?” I inquired with a slight tilt of my head.

“No baby you’re tired, go to bed and I’ll be there before you know it.” I gave her a sad flash of a smile before kissing her lightly and muttering a goodnight. After the day I had all I wanted was to fall asleep with her in my arms but I understood. I returned to her bedroom, undressed and rolled onto the bed with a heavy breath. I could hear her classical music playing from the living room and it soothed me into sleep.

R: It was around 2 am when I finished all my work as well as a prepared statement for one of my torts classes tomorrow afternoon. I waited for that feeling of satisfaction to settle on me but nothing came. My fingers were a bit twitchy from the copious amounts of caffeine I had consumed but I proceeded to gather my papers into organized piles before heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed. I looked myself over in the mirror and ran a hand through my hair. I felt bad about earlier. I loved Frederick dearly but I admitted to myself that I had been relieved when the delivery boy had arrived. I was under so much stress at work and school and really hadn’t been in the mood for anything more after giving him the massage. I knew he would never on his darkest day force me to do anything against my will but nevertheless I had sensed an underlying tension all through dinner. I had been feeling off for a couple of days and I chocked it up to the pressure I was facing at school and work. I brushed my teeth and rinsed twice with my mouthwash in an attempt to rid my mouth of the taste of coffee. God what was wrong with me, was I being selfish? No, I reminded myself, no one is perfect and no one has it together all the time. Its ok to be stressed out as long as you’re proactive about it. I nodded at my reflection and pulled on my silk nightgown. Exiting the bathroom I turned off the hall light and checked the front door to ensure that it was locked. I entered my bedroom and paused in the doorway. There he was stretched out like a baby and fast asleep. It was rare for me to see him sleeping as he always managed to wake before me. His face was so serene and youthful it made my heart swell in my breast. I moved carefully closer to the bed and lifted my phone before snapping a few pictures. The light from outside was enough to illuminate his face and I was grateful for it as it prevented me from using my flash. I looked over the photos with happy sigh before plugging my phone in to its charger and placing it next to Frederick’s. I slipped into bed and almost instantly his arms were around my waist and his head was on my chest. He pulled me close like a toddler hugs a stuffed animal before placing a sloppy kiss on my collarbone. I moved my hand through his hair as I closed my eyes and tried to will myself into sleep. My mind would have none of it and my thoughts raced anxiously from my left hemisphere to my right without pause. Suddenly my breathing became unsteady and ragged and my heart felt as if it were about to pound out of my chest. I felt the need to both run somewhere and yet I couldn’t move. I managed to weakly whimper Frederick’s name at which he awoke immediately. Tears streamed down the sides of my face and he sat up to quickly turn on the light.

“What is it my love?” He asked with intense worry and concern etched into his face. I clutched at his arms unsure what was happening.

“I…can’t….I…” I tried to speak but I seemed to have forgotten how. He moved his hands over my face in gentle caresses before helping me sit up. I suddenly felt nauseous at the movement and shut my eyes tightly in an attempt to will it away.

“You are having a panic attack. Try to breathe deeply.” His voice soothed me in its calm tenor but the air around me carried no weight and I couldn’t feel it as my lungs searched for relief. My skin became clammy and my vision took on a kind of grittiness reminiscent of old film. Frederick pulled me into his lap with ease and pulled my hair away from my face which had become glazed with a light sweat. With his palm flat he pressed lightly onto my chest and I could feel it rise and fall once again. I was breathing…I was breathing. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder and looked up at the ceiling before closing my eyes. Frederick began to sing softly to me, continuing to hold me in a firm but roomy embrace.

“So close your eyes on hushabye mountain…wave goodbye to cares of the day…” His voice was deep and soothing to my ringing ears and I felt it pull me back to the present as my breath began to regulate and my limbs relaxed. He continued singing until I turned my head inward to press my lips to his neck directly below his jaw.

“Do you need a glass of water?” He inquired carefully his voice low as if he were speaking to a skittish animal. I nodded and pressed another kiss to his neck. He helped me lie down before sliding out of the bed and moving down the hall. He returned quickly with a wet towel and a glass of water which he handed to me as I sat up.

“Thank you Freddy.” I managed my voice still elusive. He leaned over me as he sat on the side of the bed and held the towel to my head.

“I am no stranger to panic attacks. I used to have them constantly after…” He trailed off before clearing his throat so he could continue.

“I actually had a minor panic attack before our first date.” He spoke softly and his eyes found mine with a hit of a smile in them.

“I’m sorry.” I spoke apologizing for both the past and the present. He shook his head and refolded the cool of the towel so he could run it over the bridge of my nose and then my forehead.

“There is no need for that, I understand exactly how it feels.”

“I shouldn’t have had so much coffee.” My voice had returned and my thoughts were clear again. He chuckled softly and tilted his head in agreement.

“I agree. Is there anything you need to talk about? What can I do to help?” I looked into his eyes and saw they were filled with such genuine concern and kindness that I lowered my eyes to my glass of water in a kind of shame. He moved hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear before speaking his voice carrying a hint of worry.

“What is it?” I looked up at him and with a heavy breath explained how I had been feeling for the past few days at which he nodded and listened carefully. I felt my chest lighten with each word and I continued on, telling him everything and leaving no emotion out. When I finished I took a deep breath and waited for his response which came as a kiss on my forehead.

“Thank you for your honesty.” He paused for a moment before standing and returning to lie on his side of the bed. He took me in his arms and I pressed my face into his chest with a heavy sigh at the relief I found there. I felt vibrations through my face when he spoke again.

“Please come to me when you feel this way. I love you and never want you to feel so unhappy.” He moved a large warm hand over the skin my back and pressed a kiss to the crown of my head.

“Will you promise to always speak to me when you feel the slightest hint of any unpleasant emotion?” His words were slow and each carried heavy intent.

“I promise.” I whispered into his chest before finally finding the rest and peace I so desperately needed.

This isn’t my best work and it was very spur of the moment, so forgive me for any errors you might find as you read. I’m glad however that we could tuck some fluff under the line before things get more intense.