#i found the most accurate way to describe how i feel about everyone being so fucking weird about this movie lmao.

[jvzebel-x]

🥂

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 04 - Woods]

Focus on Pairing: Yoongi x f.Reader

Warnings: so many fluffy sweet moments, i have no words to describe how much this chapter makes me cry in a romantic way, they love each other so much!!!, it's insane how much they love each other, a cute date by a forest lake, Yoongi is also very hot because he cuts wood with an axe in a tanktop🥵, sorry i have a thing for people cutting wood don't ask any further questions thank you, skinny tipping, Yoongi being a cuddly cutie, he teaches her a few magic tricks, serious talks about family but make it romantic, have i already mentioned that they're soulmates who LOVE each other??

Wordcount: 11.1k

a/n: i don't wanna talk, i just wanna cry

Jungkook isn’t spooning you anymore the next morning. You stretch, yawning loudly. Today will be a good day. You can feel it in your heart. You sit up and look around the room. His clothes are missing, which means he already left for downstairs. You want to see if you can meet him or your other boys somewhere.

You throw your legs out of bed and stand up with a happy swing in your movements. You slip into your house shoes and leave for downstairs.

Taehyung and Yoongi are nowhere to be found and in the kitchen, only your grandparents are currently present. Your grandfather sits by the table, solving a crossword puzzle while your grandmother is in the midst of making cooking dough.

They turn their heads upon the sounds of you coming down the stairs.

“Oh look who is awake already”, your grandfather says.

“Good morning”, you greet them, hurrying to your grandmother to hug her tightly, “good morning, gram’ma”, you say into the crook of her shoulder. 

“Good morning, my honeybee”, she answers you, caressing your lower arm with tenderness. 

You give her a soft squeeze and let go of her for the sake of hugging your grandfather. He chuckles deeply, leaning into the hug. A crosswords puzzle is half finished in front of him. 

“Good morning, my forest strider”, he says. 

“Did you sleep well?” you ask them and straighten up.

“We did. Did you sleep well?” your grandmother asks.

“I did. I love my bed here. It’s so cozy.”

“That’s good to hear. Can you remember when you and grandpa built it?”

“Of course I do”, you say, sitting down next to your grandfather, “you did all the hard work and I helped you put the glue on. And then we asked grandma to join us for the staining. I really liked those days.” 

“We liked them as well.”

“We really did”, your grandfather says and pats your arm, “my girl, we really loved it when you were with us.” 

You smile, “I loved it as well.”

“Mhm, my girl”, your grandfather mumbles and looks into his crosswords. He will never change and painfully enough, when he went, the thing you missed most were his nicknames for you. It feels so good to hear them in his voice again. It’s reassuring to know that your memory of his voice was so accurate. It brings a little comfort to know that the heart will never forget. Just as it never forgets smells, sounds are right there beside them, keeping people alive. 

“Did you perhaps see where Jungkook went?” you ask no one in particular. 

“Jungkook? No, he hasn’t been downstairs yet. But I already saw Yoongi. He helped me with the chickens this morning”, your grandfather says. 

“This sounds like him. He really loves to help. His readiness to help everyone and anyone was such a big reason why I fell for him.”

“He is a very proper young man. And very knowledgeable as well. We talked about wood for quite some time. He knows a lot about woodworking.” 

“He does. He made so much furniture for me already”, you say and nudge your grandfather’s arm, “sometimes we build it together. Like you and I did.” 

Your grandfather nods his head and smiles to himself, “my girl, yes my girl.” 

You shift your eyes to your grandmother. She is forming cookies with her fingers.

“Is he still in the garden?” 

“He must be. He helped with the washing up and then spoke of going to the forest for firewood”, your grandmother says.

“Mhm, I see. I think I might look for him”, you say and stand up to walk to the fridge, “after breakfast that is.”

Your grandparents work in the garden once you come outside after washing up. You call to them.

“I’m gonna look for Yoongi now!” 

“Okay, be careful!”

“Don’t go too close to the stream!”

“I will and I won’t!” you say and wave them goodbye. You turn, walking up the path in a happy skip.

You have crossed the corner and have the forest gate in your view, when someone calls your name above your head. You stop and lift your head. 

Taehyung and Jungkook stand by the guest bedroom window and wave their hands at you excitedly. Taehyung is behind Jungkook, clearly back hugging him. 

“Good morning, you two”, you call up, waving back at them. 

“Good morning”, they say in unison.

“Where are you going with that picnic basket?” Jungkook asks. 

You step closer to the window so you could talk easier. The climbing rose, crawling up the walls to their window, smells sweet. 

“The forest. Yoongi went out for firewood and I want to find him and then have breakfast with him because I know he hasn’t eaten yet.” 

“That sounds lovely. Have you been awake for long?” Taehyung asks.

“About an hour, I would say. I had breakfast with grams and paps. Did you just wake up?” 

“Ten minutes ago. I think?” Taehyung says.

“Yes ten minutes ago. I’ve been awake for a while. You were sleeping so deeply so I didn’t wanna wake you. I went for a walk and then went to Tae for cuddles”, Jungkook says.

“Ah, that explains why you were suddenly gone”, you say fondly, “did you have a nice walk?”

“I did. The forest is so quiet in the morning.”

“It really is. You both look so handsome today.”

“Heh, thankies”, Jungkook says with a scrunch of his nose.

“You look beautiful as well, my darling.”

“Heh, thanks. Are you gonna do something today?”

“Perhaps. For now we are enjoying the morning scents”, Taehyung says and nuzzles his nose into Jungkook’s neck. 

The latter leans into him, closing his eyes halfway. 

“Well then, I don’t wanna keep you from it. See you later, guys. I love you”, you say and send them flying kisses. 

They both catch them, giggling just as you do.

“We love you too”, they say in unison, waving you goodbye as you continue your journey to the forest.

“She’s glowing today”, Taehyung says as he watches you skip up the path.

“I thought the same.”

“Do you think that she will find Yoongi?” 

“I bet she will. But even if she won’t, she’ll have a good time. She’ll probably just look at plants and cry over small animals.” 

Taehyung laughs fondly. Jungkook does the same. 

“That is something she would do.” 

“Yeah right?” 

You disappear out of their sight as the forest swallows you. The two men shift their eyes back to the view of the forest before them. Taehyung steps closer to Jungkook and hugs his waist tighter.

“Your heart’s racing like crazy by the way”, Jungkook speaks softly as his fingers play with Taehyung’s mindlessly. He has his left hand rested on the window sill and Jungkook took the chance.

“Because I am with you.”

“You’re a softie.” 

“I am. For you”, Taehyung kisses Jungkook’s neck gently, “my weakness.” 

Jungkook smiles fondly, “softie.”

The lovely scent of forest becomes stronger as you take the path you took countless times before. You pass the Rock and dodge the Branches. Yoongi doesn’t know these woods, so he must not have gone far and knowing your grandfather, he most definitely told him about his woodworking spot not far from here. He chops his firewood there and stacks it. You spent many afternoons by his side, watching him work or exploring the surrounding forest. Sometimes you returned with some sticks, stones and insects, asking him all sorts of questions about them. Your grandfather always took his time to answer you even if, sometimes, he had no idea himself. You know these days that some of his answers were made up lies because he couldn’t bring himself to let his granddaughter down. You still like his answers these days and even if you knew the real answer these days, the first thing your grandfather taught you will always be the most precious to you.

The firewood clearing is around six minutes from the cottage. You walk along the path and stop to look at plants. One time you stop for a small bird because it was trying to get an acorn open by hammering it against a stone and it was so adorable to watch that you had to take it in for a bit. The firewood clearing is only six minutes from the cottage, but it takes you twice as long to get there. You don’t mind the delay because it meant that you took time to see the beauty all around you. Something about these forests really reminds you how important it is to do that.

The sound of a person chopping wood is the first thing you hear. You were correct. Yoongi is on the clearing. You quicken your steps, feeling your heart flutter in excitement. Even your stomach tingles nervously. How silly of it, acting as if you still had to be nervous around him. Perhaps that is what makes it so exciting however. You still feel giddy at the aspect of seeing him, just as giddy as if he was your secret crush. 

The clearing reveals itself once you walk past the stacks of firewood. A heap of unchopped firewood is to your left and to your right under the tall spruce pine, Yoongi is chopping wood. He is in a tanktop and jeans, having his grey flannel wrapped around his hips. He is sweating, frowning in concentration. The giddiness grows. Wow, you have the biggest crush on this man, it’s unbelievable. 

“Yoongi”, you call for him.

He lowers the axe and turns his head. You wave at him, grinning so brightly that you can feel your cheek muscles work. He lifts his hand to wave back at you. You squeak a giggle and then run to him.

“Boongie, I saw a small bird and it was trying to get an acorn open, so it hit it against a rock over and over until it finally did it. And then I saw some ferns which had white spots on the leaves. They were so pretty, but I don’t know the name of them so I’ll have to look them up at home because maybe I wanna plant them along the forest borders”, you babble and then you have reached his side, greeting him with a kiss on the lips. 

You pull back, studying his face, “how are you doing? You’re sweating. Did you sleep well? I didn’t even notice when you left. My grandparents told me that you helped them this morning. You are so cute. I brought you food. Sorry, I’m rambling. I’m so excited today that I can’t shut up.”

Yoongi chuckles and leans in to kiss your cheek.

“I didn’t even notice”, he says sarcastically but fondly, straightening up, “you brought me food?” 

“Mh-hm yeah”, you step back and lift the basket into your visions, “breakfast because knowing you, you are forgetting that you need to eat here.” 

“Yeah, right. I actually forgot”, he says and touches his stomach, “shit, why did you gotta remind me? Now I’m hungry.”

“Noo, I’m sorry Boongie. But good thing is, I have food. I’ll set it up there”, you say and hurry to the spot. It is out of the way of potential fly away wood and next to some wild raspberry bushes, “I’ll tell you once I’m done. Okay?”

“Yeah okay”, Yoongi says and lifts his axe. You stand still and watch him. Just this one time. You might have an unhealthy obsession with him chopping wood. There is something about his concentrated frown, his arms tensing and the nonchalant toss of the finished wood before he loads the log with a new one. 

Yoongi lifts his eyes, meeting your mesmerized gaze. He rests his gloved hand on his hip, giving you a knowing smirk.

“Don’t do that. You’re hot, okay?” you whine and turn your back to him to finally get the food ready.

Yoongi chuckles to himself, shaking his head in fond disbelief. He lays out the unchopped log and lifts the axe. He feels so much more motivated to work now that you were here. He glances at you. You have laid out the blanket by now, kneeling on it as you get breakfast ready for him. His heart races, his stomach flutters. He has the biggest crush on you, it’s insane. He looks away from you and tries to concentrate on chopping wood. 

He manages to get through eight logs and then he hears your sweet voice call for him. He lowers the axe, looking at you. You are sitting on the picnic blanket with the food spread out in front of you. A big smile adorns your face, you are waving at him so excitedly that you are bouncing on the spot.

“Food’s ready.”

Yoongi nods his head in acknowledgement and leans the axe against the tree. He takes off his gloves, hanging them on the handle of the axe. Then he finally walks to you, feeling confident because you are basically eating him up with your eyes.

“That looks delicious”, he says, sitting down next to you, “what have you got for me?”

“I think you’ll like it. I’ve got some eggs and bacon and some sausages, but also veggies because you need the vitamins”, you explain, “and I’ve got coffee in a thermos. It’s the really strong one, the bitter one”, you say, “the disgusting one”, you tease to which Yoongi chuckles and leans in to peck your cheek.

“Thank you so much, my princess”, he says, “I can’t wait to dig in.”

“Yeah, dig in. Eat all of it. I already had breakfast with grams and paps.”

“Yeah?”

You nod your head, “when did you wake up today?”

“A little after sunrise I guess? I didn’t check the time”, Yoongi says and begins eating, “mhm that’s really good. I like it.”

“Yeah do?”

“I do”, Yoongi says and gives you a toothless smile.

You retort it with a scrunch of your nose and a little giggle, leaning closer instinctively as your giddy eyes race over his face. Even your shoulders lifted to your ears because you were so, so giddy. Truly, you couldn’t even deny that you were utterly in love with this man. It is so obvious.

“Eat as much as you want. I made it just for you.”

“I will, thank you love”, Yoongi says and takes a big bite.

“And?” you ask him with widened eyes.

He glances at them, then his food. He nods his head, “it’s good.”

“Thank you, wow”, you melt giddily, “eat a lot, my love.”

“Mhm.”

You watch him take two bites and then you have to talk again.

“Kookie told me that you and Tae had a talk last night.”

“Yeah, we did.”

“I’m so happy”, you scrunch your nose giddily, “I love you both so much and it always made me sad to think that you didn’t get along.”

“It did?”

You nod your head, “it did. I didn’t want to say anything, because I know that you have a lot of history together and I didn’t want to force anything. But I really have to confess that it makes me happy that you are trying to become friends.”

“Yeah”, he looks out at the lake, “I guess we had a lot to clear up. I didn’t wanna dislike him, but also couldn’t get myself not to. Last night helped a lot. I want to honestly try from now on.”

“That’s so good to hear, my love.”

“Mhm, yeah”, he hums and takes a few bites before he talks again, “did you see Kook and Taehyung?”

“Yeah, they’re still in the guestroom. Tae woke up a few minutes ago.”

“I see.”

“Why?”

“No reason, just checking up”, Yoongi says and looks out at the lake. He sighs contently, chewing on his food with slightly squinted eyes. He genuinely really likes it. You are an amazing cook and the fact that he was already starving, makes it taste even better.

Yoongi enjoys the food to even the last little crumb and he drinks his coffee to even the last little drop. He gets back to his feet afterwards, walking back to the chopping area.

You chuckle. Yoongi looks over his shoulder.

“Why are you laughing?”

“It’s just funny how you just ate in silence only to stand up and walk away without a word”, you say, “it’s funny.”

“Sorry”, Yoongi says and returns to kneel down and kiss your cheek, “I’m not a big talker”, a kiss to your other cheek, “sometimes I forget I gotta talk to other people.”

“It’s okay, I get it. You did like it, didn’t you?”

“I did. It was really good”, he kisses your lips, “thank you for cooking.”

“Mhm Yoongs”, you whisper, pulling him in for another kiss by tangling your hands in his hair. He follows with a chuckle and his teeth nibbling on your lower lip teasingly.

“You’re lovely”, he whispers.

“I am?”

“Mhm, the loveliest”, he breathes and places a kiss to your jawline, “can I chop more wood now, mhm?” he asks in a whisper.

“Yeah, but only if I can read and sneak glances at you.”

He chuckles, kissing the shell of your ear, “that can be arranged, yeah.”

He makes you laugh. Yoongi smiles and gets to his feet, finally returning to chopping wood. He glances at you for a while. You get a book from the picnic basket and lie down on your tummy with your head facing him. You are propped up on your elbows, meeting his eyes. You smile, he retorts it. The eye contact breaks because Yoongi turned his back to you to get back into his gear.

This is the perfect day to you. You made Yoongi happy with food, can relax with a good book and watch him chop wood. Truly, there is no better way to spend a day.

Yoongi returns to the blanket once the entire pile of wood has been chopped. A few hours passed already and you have already read two thirds of the book. You are on your back by now, lost in the story fully until you hear him sit down with a loud sigh.

You lower the book, scanning your eyes over his body. His hair is soaked in sweat, it is soaking his tanktop as well, covering his arms and neck. His cheeks are flushed, carrying a layer of sweat as well. He is leaning back on his arms. His muscles are tense from the hard work. He gives you a sweet smile.

“You look hot.”

“I am. Fuck, I’m dying it’s so hot.”

“Here, drink something”, you say, offering him a bottle of water.

He accepts it, drinking it in one go. He finishes with a loud sigh and a content nod.

“That was needed, thanks.”

“Of course”, you say and scan your eyes over his body, “you’re also really hot, just saying.”

“Tch”, he scoffs, chuckling fondly, “of course you’d say that.”

“Can I touch your arms? Just once? Please?”

“Sure”, he is grinning, flexing it for you.

“Wow, so hard”, you murmur and squeeze his arm, “and so sweaty, it’s really sexy.”

“You’re being horny.”

“No, I’m not. I’m appreciative”, you defend yourself.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I can appreciate you being sweaty after hard work without being horny.”

“Mhm, sure you can.”

You nudge his arm, “meanie.”

He laughs and lies down on the blanket. He closes his eyes halfway, running them over your face obsessively. His hand he lets trail over your knee mindlessly. His touch is hot in temperature and just a little rough because the woodworking roughed up his skin even through the gloves.

“I like this”, he says.

“You do?”

He nods his head, “you’re the perfect fucking company.”

“I am?”

He hums a yes, lifting his brows in agreement.

You snicker, scrunching your nose. He makes your heart flutter like crazy.

“Did you like the book?”

“Yeah, I did. It took me a while to get lost in it, but once I did, I forgot everything around me.”

“I noticed.”

“You looked at me?”

“Too many times. Fuck princess, you gave me a hard time staying focused.”

“Yoongi”, you gasp, nudging his chest, “since when do you talk like this?”

He laughs, “I don’t know. Fuck”, he covers his eyes with his own arm, “I’m cringing at myself. That was so cheesy.”

“No, don’t cringe please. Continue. I like it so much.”

His laugh dies down, but his smile remains, “mhm, fine.”

“Good”, you say and peck his lips. He kisses you back with a hum, sitting up when you break the kiss way too soon. The answer as to why is revealed to him instantly in the form of your naked back as you pull your dress over your head.

 “What are you doing, oh my god”, Yoongi gasps, widening his eyes before turning his head away quickly.

You glance over your shoulder. He is actively looking at the blanket. He is such a gentleman, you wouldn’t even have minded if he looked.

“Undressing.”

“I can see that. Why?” he asks and goes even further by cover his eyes with his hands.

“I can hardly go into the water in my clothes. Can I?”

“The water?”

“Yeah, the lake. I wanna take a swim. I can’t do that with a dress on, can I?”

“I guess. Warn me next time, geez.”

You chuckle, “you’re so stiff sometimes. I wouldn’t even mind if you looked”, you say and tease him by throwing your dress over his head.

You hear him gasp under it and then watch his head snap up as he looks around with the fabric on his face.

“Very funny”, he says.

You snicker, “it is”, you tease, dropping your panties on his head next.

You coincidentally time it with Yoongi taking off your dress, resulting in the panties to kind of land on his hand. He takes them off to check them out, blushing vividly once he realises what he is holding.

“Fucking shit, princess”, he gasps, gawking up at you.

You merely give him a little giggle and then turn to run down the short path to the water. You jump into it with high-pitched squeaks, splashing it around you as best as possible.

“Oh my god this is cold”, you screech, sinking in deeper until the water reaches you under your neck. You laugh, twirling around a few times before you decide on looking at Yoongi instead. You grin at him, letting out a happy giggle.

He watched you, sitting with his back hunched comfortably and his head slightly tilted to the side. Your clothes are bundled neatly by his foot.

“It was so cold at first”, you tell him.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm yeah, but it’s not cold anymore. It’s nice, really refreshing”, you say and do one spin for good measures, “come join me”, you say afterwards, smiling even brighter.

Yoongi hesitates. Not because of you, but for two other reasons. One, the water is cold. Two, he would have to get naked in public. The second one is really holding him back.

“Come on, you’re gonna feel so much better afterwards.”

“What if someone sees us?”

“Nobody is gonna come here. Promise.”

“I don’t know”, he looks over his shoulder.

“Trust me. I’ve skinny dipped in this lake countless times. Nobody ever came here. Especially not in this realm.”

He looks back at you, touching the side of his neck. The boring, grumpy side of him really wants to deny you. The old Yoongi definitely would have. But Yoongi these days knows how much more fun his life feels when he says yes to your ideas.

“Fine, but look away please.”

“I am”, you say, turning around. You lean back in the water and stretch out your legs, using your arms to stay afloat. Your toes peak out of the water this way, you wiggle them happily, “I can’t believe you’re actually doing it.”

“Yeah, I don’t know either why I’m doing it. This is so insane.”

“Yeah it is, but it’s also fun”, you say and sigh happily.

“Okay, I’m coming in, but don’t look.”

“Ooh Yoongi, I’m excited”, you giggle, splashing water to handle the happiness a little easier.

“Shit, it’s fucking cold. How the fuck did you get in so easily? Wah, it’s so cold, I hate it”, Yoongi is whining, but despite that you can hear his steps come closer and closer.

“It’s because I wasn’t taking my time. The longer you take, the colder it’ll feel.”

“No, it just hurts more when you do it fast. Fuck, it’s freezing”, he says, splashing the water.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting my chest wet, I’m not risking a heart attack.”

You laugh, throwing your head back, “it’s not that cold, doofus.”

“It is cold to me”, he throws back in a whine, now wetting his back as well.

You laugh, “okay, okay if you say so.”

Yoongi curses and whines as he enters the water, stopping once it reaches him a little above his hips.

“You can turn around.”

You do so instantly, swimming to him. You stand up once you reach his side, touching his waist.

“Hey there”, you say, scrunching your nose happily, “how are you doing?”

“My balls are fucking dying off.”

“You and your struggles with your balls”, you say in laughter, tugging him further into the water by the hips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“When I’m taking a hot bath, you complain about getting them boiled, now you whine about losing them.” 

“Hey, my balls are sensitive to temperature. Let me complain”, he throws back with a pout.

“I am, I am”, you say and snicker, “now come in here”, you add and tug him harshly. 

He stumbles, falling into the water with such force that water splashes everywhere.

“No eek”, he is squeaking, “that wasn’t cool. Why did you do that?”

“Because, I wanted to do this”, you say and hug him. You wrap your legs around his waist under the water, hooking your arms behind his head. 

He frowns at you, but his eyes carry fondness. His big hands support you under your butt, holding you safely as you and he cool off in the water.

“How are your balls doing?” 

He snorts, laughs softly.

“Fine I guess”, he murmurs.

“So they didn’t fall off?” 

“No. Fuck, this is so cold though”, he says and pulls you closer, “you’re warming my ass, understood?” 

“Mhm, I can live with that”, you say and rest your chin on his shoulder. The water ends just on the tip of your chin, splashing up and down with Yoongi’s movements, “this is so nice. Seriously.”

“Mhm, it’s good”, he agrees, looking at the view. Your body feels really warm against his’, your skin really soft. He doesn’t feel the cold where you touch and on the places he does, it’s not uncomfortable anymore because your warmth is stronger than the cold of the water. He knew saying yes to you would pay off. He never did something like this before. Both skinny dipping and cuddling with someone under water. It’s new to him and it’s only as nice because he experiences it with you.

“Do you still feel hot?” you ask him.

“No.”

“See? The swim was a good idea.”

“Yeah, I guess it was”, he says, giving your butt a little squeeze, “you’re still foul for pulling me in like that.”

“If I didn’t, we would still be standing”, you say, snickering when he bites your neck gently.

“Brat.”

The sounds of the forest are especially nice. The gentle gurgling of the water harmonises with the countless songs of birds and the faint rustling of leaves in the barely there breeze. You have view of the shore, the picnic and the woodworking space behind it. Yoongi has view of the distant mountains, the forest and the rest of the lake. The sunlight reflects in its surface. It isn’t as calm as it once was and he knows that it is because you and he disturbed it. It is beautiful to him because it makes the sunlight sparkle like hundreds of gems. He likes that his eyes don’t hurt when he looks at it. Yoongi pulls you closer to him and releases a deep sigh.

“Are you okay?” you ask him. Of course you do.

“Yeah, just breathed. It’s nice.”

“Yeah, it’s so nice.”

You give him a gentle squeeze, smiling to yourself. You like how open with his feelings he is these days and that he is saying yes to your spontaneous ideas more than he says no. Of course you would have respected it if he denied you right now, but it is still so much more exciting to share this moment with him. It is so intimate and romantic without even having to try a lot. Just nature, skin on skin contact and a relaxing play of temperature.

“I think I just touched a frog with my foot. Ew yeah, it’s moving, princess help”, Yoongi says and suddenly you get shaken around as he begins flailing under the water.

You break away from him, laughing loudly. It echoes through the forest, joining Yoongi’s disgusted screeches. 

“I hate it, princess it touched my toe that was so yucky”, he whines, “I think it’s still there. Princess, take it away please.”

“God you fucking baby, come here”, you laugh, pulling him close so you could pick him up. 

“Yah let me down”, he whines, wiggling in your arms.

“No, the frogs. They’re coming for you”, you joke, laughing loudly when Yoongi sends you a look. 

“Come on doofus, wanna swim further out?”

“Yeah, lets do it, come on”, he pushes you gently, “I don’t wanna touch frogs again.”

“You won’t”, you say, snickering. You turn so you are facing the lake and then swim off. Yoongi follows you, using only his arms to move forward.

“Can I still touch the ground? Can you check?” he asks, looking down nervously.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes”, he insists, “please”, he adds pleadingly.

“Okay, okay I’ll check”, you say and stretch your legs to the floor. Nothing touches you, “it’s safe.”

He extends his legs carefully. Nothing touches his feet. He sighs in relief.

“Good, thanks for checking.”

“Of course”, you snicker and continue to lead the way.

You and he swim next to each with some distance to give your limbs enough space to move. 

The lake isn’t the biggest, so swimming to the middle of it should only take you a minute. If you were alone, you would manage in under a minute, but Yoongi seems to be a slow swimmer. You glance at him. A careful one as well. He looks nervous, sneaking glances at the water with furrowed brows.

“Are you okay?” 

“Why are you asking?”

“You look nervous.”

“It’s fine, I just don’t trust lakes.”

“It’s safe, don’t worry. I took countless swims in it when I was a child.”

“I guess”, he glances again, “nothing can touch my feet, right?”

“No. The lake’s deeper than you might think.”

“D-deep? How deep?” he gasps, widening his eyes.

“Like thirty meters? In the middle at least.”

“Thirty?!” he blurts out so loudly that his voice bounces off the trees, “are you serious?” 

“Yeah, around that I would say. Don’t worry, nothing can touch your feet.”

“I guess”, he glances again, “that’s so fucking deep though. Do you know what’s down there?”

“Fish probably?”

“Big fish?” 

“Maybe? I never dove down there, so I can’t say.”

“Okay, yeah that’s fine”, he says even if his eyes don’t mean it.

You and he reached the middle. You are floating in the water and while you are relaxed in your movements, Yoongi seems to kick the water almost nervously. He also keeps glancing down.

“Are you okay? Honest answers only.”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you scared of lakes?”

“No?” he very obviously lies, “I just don’t think it’s safe to be here. What if something bites our toes?” 

You laugh, “nothing is gonna bite our toes.”

“You don’t know that. It’s way too deep”, he says and looks down at the darkness. He begins kicking the water harder, pulling a face of disgust. His arms begin flailing under the water as well.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I don’t know about that. Princess, this isn’t safe. I’m telling you.”

“Yes it is, trust me”, you assure him, “did you guys never take a swim in lakes in the past?” 

“We did, doesn’t mean I liked it.”

You chuckle, “the way you’re acting makes me think that you hate swimming.”

“I do, I hate swimming.” 

“Wait. Really? Is there a reason for it?”

“I guess, I don’t know. I almost drowned as a child, I think it kinda manifested itself.” 

“Woah, really? Holy moly Yoongi, this must have been so traumatic. Why didn’t you say so sooner? Should we leave?” 

“No, it’s okay. I’m having fun “

“Are you sure? You look nervous.”

“I am nervous”, he says, “the water’s too deep.” 

“Come on, we’ll swim back to the shore. It’s not as deep there”, you say, turning in the water to lead the way. 

Yoongi follows you gladly, looking over his shoulder at the scary middle. 

“It’s only around ten meters here and then gets gradually shallower. Good thing that I didn’t tell you that there’s kind of an underwater cliff in the middle which is why it’s so deep all of a sudden.”

“Yeah, very good thing you didn’t”, he says loudly, gawking at you with big eyes, “why would you tell me that? I’m literally gonna shit in the water, no joke.”

You laugh, “please warn me if you do, so I can flee.”

He rolls his eyes at you, “very funny.”

“Sorry”, you apologise and reach out to caress his arm, “is your fear strong? I bet it must be. Almost drowning is so scary.”

“It’s okay, I just wouldn’t go swimming on my own”, he says and looks out at the water, “it’s weird. Why did I remember this all of a sudden?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I had already forgotten about that event, so why did I suddenly remember it?”

“Maybe it’s because our conversation just naturally went there.” 

“Yeah, I guess”, he murmurs and drifts off. It is obvious in how his eyes space out and how he begins gnawing on his lower lip.

“Do you want to tell me more?” you ask in hopes of making it easier for him to talk.

“Sorry, I was just thinking”, he says and glances at you.

“It’s okay. I’m here to listen if you need it.”

His eyes soften. He swims closer and kisses your cheek. He stays close afterwards, studying your face. You and he stopped, now floating in the water. He isn’t kicking it nervously anymore, looking a lot safer here than he did in the middle of the lake. 

“I had a brother. He was older than me and in the winters we always had snowball fights.”

“Really? Gosh, this sounds lovely.” 

“Yeah, I guess it was fun. He was a bully. He always chased me around and rubbed snow into my face. I was smaller than him, so it was easy for him to pin me down.” 

“Noo, I’m sorry”, you say and snicker, “that’s such an older brother thing to do.”

“Yeah it really is”, he agrees and smiles softly, “I just now remembered when I remembered it again. It was during the time we had the snowball fight in my memories. Up until this moment I had forgotten that I had a brother.” 

“You did?”

He nods his head, “something about you makes me remember my human days. I don’t know what you’re doing to me.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re happy with me and finally have a chance to think about other things than supernatural conflicts?” you start off confident but then get shy, “I hope, I don’t know, maybe you’re happy?” 

“Of course I’m happy”, he says, kissing your lips. He nudges your nose with his as he pulls back, giving you a warm eye smile, “my princess love.” 

You smile shyly, wiggling in the water happily, “yay, I’m happy. I sounded so cocky at first.”

“No you didn’t. Take the credit. You make my life worthwhile as fuck”, he says, making you giggle.

He kisses your cheek, “would you be mad at me if I wanna leave though? I’m so cold.”

“No, we can leave. I’m getting a little chilly as well.” 

So you and he begin your journey back to shore, swimming next to each other with enough distance not to accidentally kick the other underwater.

“Do you have siblings?” Yoongi asks.

“Right, we never even talked about that yet.”

“No, we didn’t.”

“No, I don’t have siblings, but I have a cousin who I grew up with very close. I still talk to him these days.”

“You do? What’s his name?” 

“Eren. He’s two years older than me and lives in Sydney. That’s why we rarely see each other.”

“Eren is a nice name. Your family has pretty names for their children. I think your name is beautiful as well.”

“You do?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you, my love. This just made my heart race.” 

“Yeah well, it’s the truth”, he says matter of factly and continues, “so Eren, does he have family?”

“Yeah, a wife and two daughters. They were really busy in their early twenties”, you say and laugh.

Yoongi chuckles, “two daughters. That’s nice. If I had ever become a father, I would have loved to have daughters. Two of them, so they wouldn’t have been lonely.”

“Being a girl dad fits you.”

“It does?”

“Yeah, you’re gentle and warm hearted. Your daughters would have grown up with a safe father and definitely one who would have spoiled them way too much.”

“Oh yeah, that’s true”, he agrees in a chuckle, “and one who would have been way too scared for their safety. I probably would be the kinda dad that goes no it’s too dangerous to climb and then it’s something like a small stump.”

You laugh, “yeah that’s so true. You’d be way too overly careful and I’d have to tell you to calm down because they’ll be fine.”

Yoongi doesn’t laugh. Which makes you worry. You glanced at him. He is staring at you with widened eyes.

“What? I’m sorry, was that too mean?”

“You would have told me?” 

“Yeah? Sorry, why was that wrong to say?” 

“You”, he says.

“I don’t get it.”

He closes the distance and pulls you into his arms so he could kiss you. You gasp in surprise, finding no time to even close your eyes before he has already broken the kiss. He seems to be able to stand because he is currently carrying you in his arm, smiling up at you.

“Yeah, I’d have loved a family with you.”

“What?” you gasp, feeling your heart speed up unbearably.

“You didn’t even notice that you made yourself the mom of my hypothetical daughters did you?”

“Oh”, you hide away in his cheek, “oh god, I did that? Sorry, that’s so embarrassing.”

“No it’s not”, he assures you, turning his head so he could kiss the tip of your nose, “my love.”

“I guess I just really liked the thought of having daughters with you. You’d be such a good dad. Way too cautious, but I love that about you as well.”

“Mhm, you’d be the best mom as well. You dedicate your all when you love, so our daughters would have been so loved. And they’d have probably inherited our magic, so we could have taught them together. We could have taught them how to care for nature and how to use their magic for good and I’d have called you my three witch girls.”

“God Yoongi stop”, you snicker, “I don’t even wanna be pregnant, but when you talk like this Imma want you to knock me up”, you say and hide away in his neck.

He chuckles, “yeah, Imma want to knock you up too if we talk like this”, he confesses, bouncing you in his arm, “that is if my balls don’t fall off first. I love you, but I really gotta get outta that water now. My nipples might fall off too.”

“God, way to ruin the moment, you cold doofus”, you snicker, giving his neck a little bite as revenge. 

“Mhm, yeah”, he agrees and begins walking. He carries you until you and he are out of the water far enough that your butts are exposed. Then he lets you slide down his body slowly, setting you down carefully. 

“Do we even have towels?” he asks.

“Of course we do. I planned ahead”, you say, looking at the ground in order not to step on something sharp.

“Mhm, good.” 

You bend down and open the basket, retreating two towels. You turn and hand Yoongi the bigger one. He thanks you and begins drying himself off. You do the same, having your back turned to him because you don’t want to show him how you dry between your legs. Yoongi doesn’t mind because he feels shy about it himself, wrapping the towel tightly around his shoulders once he is done. 

You sit down on the blanket with a sigh. The towel is wrapped around your chest, keeping you covered that way. Yoongi sits down next to you, draping his arm behind your back. He steals a kiss from you, grinning at you afterwards. 

“The swim was nice”, he says, lowering his head so he could trail kisses up and down your exposed shoulder. He incorporates little nose touches every now and then, lulling you into a state of comfortable tingles.

“Yeah, it was nice. It wasn’t too scary for you, was it?”

“No, except for the frog.”

You laugh, “right, the frog.” 

He shudders, “it was rancid.”

“I can imagine”, you say and snicker, reaching up to play with his hair. You play around for a bit before finally scratching him behind his ear. 

Yoongi’s instinct is to purr, but it comes out as a really deep, human sound of comfort. He chuckles, resting his cheek on your shoulder.

“I wanted to purr.” 

“Yeah, I know. I think it still sounded like one. You’re basically a cat in every life.”

“I guess I am”, he says and laughs softly, kissing your neck before sitting up, “fuck so stupid”, he murmurs, shaking his head fondly.

“No, it’s cute”, you say and lie down, looking up at the trees above your heads.

He keeps seated for now, looking at you. 

“What are we gonna do now?” you ask him.

“I don’t know. Sit around and do nothing?” he suggests.

“I like this idea. We could sort the wood later.”

“Mhm okay”, Yoongi agrees and lifts his eyes to let them race over the view. The lake, the forest, the wood piles and even more forest. 

“Did you sleep well today?” you ask him.

“I did. You?”

“Yeah me too.”

“Mhm, that’s good”, Yoongi hums and get on all fours, reaching for his clothes.

You glance at him, “what are you doing?”

“Getting dressed. Don’t look.”

“I won’t”, you promise and close your eyes. You feel no rush getting dressed, relaxing in the warm air as the faint sounds of Yoongi putting his clothes back on fill your ears.

Yoongi lets you know that you could look again by cradling your cheek and kissing your lips. You chuckle, opening your eyes. He is resting on his side, propped up on one elbow and with his arm draped around your chest. From what you can see, he put on his tanktop and jeans, but left the zipper open. It’s a sexy look because somehow the tanktop has slipped up his stomach far enough that you get glimpses of his happy trail.

You meet his eyes. The adoration is so obvious in them.

“What if we make it reality?”

“What do you mean?”

“What if we have a family?”

You widen your eyes in surprise, holding your breath.

“We’ll buy a house somewhere, just big enough for four and with a big garden all around it. We’ll fill it with plants and flowers and we’ll renovate the house until it’s perfect”

“That sounds nice.”

“Yeah and then I’ll take the cure. I’ll become human again and I can give you children. What do you say?”

“Yoongi this is…this is a really big conversation to have right now.”

“I know. I know, I’m sorry. First we gotta teach you control and then try to make the cure work. We still have other things to worry about.”

“We can have this conversation again, you know? I just don’t have a good enough answer yet.”

“I know. I understand, I really do. I just got lost in my daydreaming.” 

“That’s okay. I liked this daydream as well. Especially the part with the little house with the garden.” 

“Yeah, I guess. Yeah.”

You sit up, “talk to me, my love”, you say, caressing his thigh gently.

He hesitates for a moment, but gives in when you kiss his shoulder, resting your cheek against it afterwards.

“Am I stealing you of something you really want?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you want children?”

“Oh.”

“Sorry”, he breaks eye contact, “I know this is another big fucking question to ask. I was just, I don’t know, it’s fucking stupid. Forget it.”

“No, tell me. It’s okay. I think a couple should have this conversation at some point.”

“Yeah, I guess”, he gnaws on his lower lip for a while, then speaks again, “I feel like I’m stealing you of something ‘cause I can’t give you children. You know?”

You shake your head, “I don’t feel this way. I never really dreamt of being pregnant, so I don’t think that I’m missing out on anything.”

“I just don’t want you to be unhappy with me. I can’t give you children with my cursed body, it’s so fucking infuriating.”

“Hey, my love”, you gasp, cupping his cheek to turn his head to you, “don’t talk like this again. I thought you didn’t want to take the cure anymore. Where is all this mortality talk coming from again?”

“I don’t know”, he whispers, looking helpless.

“Is the cure still important to you, my love? Honest answers only.”

“I don’t know”, he is shying away and so you give him his space.

“That’s okay. You know what? I’ll just get dressed real quick and if we still feel like talking afterwards, we can do that. Okay?”

“Yeah.”

You try not to rush because it gives both of you a chance to sort through your thoughts. You never dreamt of being pregnant. You also never wanted it. Perhaps you played with the thought of having children one day because you always loved the thought of taking care of someone, but you were also aware that “loving the thought of children” was not enough to make someone a good mother. You were “a thought” to your parents and it was you, innocent and needing of care like any child does, who carried the consequences of it. You never want a child to feel this way. And while you still liked the thought of children, you also knew that this wasn’t enough.

You fix the strap of your dress, looking at Yoongi. You are dressed. The conversation can continue or naturally die down. Both options are okay for you because you want both parties to be ready for it. You and Yoongi will have chances again if he doesn’t feel ready anymore.

“Do you still want to talk about it?” you ask him.

He touches the side of his neck, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For panicking like this. I’m sorry, the talk in the water made my fucking thoughts race because you made yourself mother of my children and I got scared that I’m the reason you can’t have children one day. And, and that you’ll start to be unhappy and then you’ll start hating me because I’ll be the reason why you can’t have children.”

“No my love, you aren’t”, you assure him, “I told you that I don’t want to get pregnant and I really meant it. You don’t need to feel as if you’re stealing something from me. The one thing, I want most in life is to be with you.”

He smiles shyly, “I want this too”, he gazes at your lips, “like nothing else.”

“Me too, my love.”

He leans closer, “can I give you a kiss?”

“Yes, you can.” 

With your consent, he leans in. You meet him in the middle. He is the one to pull back first.

“I’m sorry I said that. With the cure, I mean. I panicked, sorry. Yeah.”

“It’s okay, really”, you assure him, “I’m not angry at you.” 

“Yeah uhm, thank you for saying that”, he says and touches the side of his neck, “do you wanna see something?” he asks in hopes of changing the topic.

“Something?”

“Yeah. Uhm. Look.”

Yoongi scoots closer until your knees are almost touching. He props up one leg, resting his left arm over it. Then he lifts his right hand and snaps his fingers. 

Petals fly from his fingertips. Small and wilting. 

“Wait. One more chance, sorry I’m nervous”, he says.

“It’s okay. Don’t be nervous, you’re safe with me.”

Yoongi glances at you in shock. You give him a reassuring smile. He exhales deeply, shedding himself of so many burdens. He lowers his eyes to his hands and tries again, turning those petals into a small flower.

“Yoongi”, you gasp. 

He offers it to you.

“For you.”

“For me?” you accept it with a happy squeak, “Yoongi, you just used magic. Oh my god, my love. Wow, this flower is so pretty.”

“I’m still really rusty. Three thousand years is a long time.”

“I think you did an amazing job. Look, I got a flower. This is so amazing”, you say and giggle, “you used actual magic, my love.”

“I know. How was it? Was I cool?”

“You were the coolest, wow my love.”

Yoongi smiles fondly, running his hand up and down your thigh. His eyes lower giddily, studying your face. 

“I want to try the spell. What do I have to do?”

“Yeah? Wait, I’ll explain it to you.”

“Yes please, I’m so interested”, you say, looking at him with sparkling eyes.

“You see”, he begins, lifting his hand so you could see him move his fingers. Small pedals appear in the air above his hand, dancing around slowly with the movements of his fingers, “what I’m currently using is nature magic.” 

“Nature magic.”

“Exactly. When we speak of magic, not every magic is the same. We draw power from different elements, objects or concepts and depending on where we draw from, the magic manifests itself differently.” 

“I see. So dark magic draws power from darkness?”

“In a sense, but not really. Dark magic is everything which uses questionable power sources for its magic. Blood, pain, death. Those kind of things give you immense power, but the output will always be dark magic. You won’t really have healing results with these kind of power sources, you know?”

You nod your head, “it makes sense. If the source is bad, the result will be just as bad.”

“Exactly.”

“So nature magic is good?” 

“Obviously it depends again on what you channel. Fire will be powerful but destructive. Plants will be weaker but nurturing.”

“I see. So it’s really whatever you channel will put its essence into the magic.”

“Exactly.”

“What did you channel normally?”

“My emotions, just like you”, he says and caresses your hand, “that’s why it’s important for witches like us to learn control because emotions can be a brittle thing. Immensely powerful, but also unpredictable.”

“Because we can naturally feel both good and bad emotions. That’s why I destroy things when I’m upset and brighten a room when I’m happy. Because different emotions create different magic.”

“Yes this is correct. Wow, good job princess. You’re such a fast leaner”, he praises, making you giggle.

“Yeah, thank you heh.”

He snaps his fingers, creating another flower, “with time and control, witches will be able to channel from whatever they choose. Some like to become experts in one particular field and ignore the rest, some never really settle and are acceptable in countless fields, while others concentrate on a few until they mastered them.”

“Is there a limit to how many types you can master?” 

“Not really? But some sources are better left alone.”

“I know. I was just curious. I don’t ever want to channel stuff like pain or death.”

“Good. Please keep that in mind, princess. Those kinda sources poison you even if you’re careful. They even destroyed Nilrem in the end.”

“I know. I’m too scared to touch them. Believe me.”

“That’s my girl”, he pecks your cheek, “but to answer your question, in theory there is no limit to how many you can master. I think it’s a good idea to start off with fields that interest you, which benefit the kind of witch you want to be and which support each other. Plants and water for example. The moon and the stars is another favourite of many witches.”

“Wooah, you can channel the moon?”

“You can channel the moon, the stars, the sun and the planets. The moon works best however because of its already very strong influence on the planet.”

“That’s so amazing. I always loved the moon.”

“Yeah, the magic is very powerful and used for a lot of spells. Those spells are called night spells, because you perform them at night when the moon shines the brightest.”

“This is so interesting, wow”, you whisper, looking up at the sky, “so could you channel the sun right now? Because it’s day right now?”

Yoongi lifts his left hand. It begins glowing like a small sun would.

“Wow!” you gasp loudly, bouncing just once as excitement overtakes you.

“Pretty cool, isn’t it?” he asks just as the glow dies down again.

“That was so awesome, holy moly. Can I do that too?”

“One day, with lots of practice.”

“Wow, this is so cool”, you say and look at his right hand again. The flower petals are still dancing above his fingers, “so for this spell to work what did you channel?”

“Guess.”

“I would say plants because you created a flower.”

“Good job, that’s correct.”

You grin proudly. 

“Are you proud of me?”

“Very”, he says and kisses your cheek.

You giggle happily, feeling so good about the compliment.

“What do I have to do to make the spell work?” you ask him.

“First you have to visualize the flower in your head. Then you have to tap into your magic and feel how it connects with the magical auras of the plants around you.”

“So everything has a magical aura?”

“Yes, some stronger than others, which is why they are more powerful sources.”

“I see. So I have to visualise and then feel.”

“Exactly and when you feel the aura, you have to keep that connection going and your magic will automatically draw from it.”

“Okay, okay. So I’m gonna do it now”, you say and close your eyes. 

“Take your time. It’s difficult at first, so don’t worry if it still feels exhausting.”

You peel your eye open, glancing at him, “so it’ll get easier?”

“Of course it will. Once you’ve practiced a lot, drawing from your source will happen almost automatically. You’ll only really have to look for the connection with materials you’ve never used before.”

“Okay, okay I see”, you close your eye again, “I’m trying now.”

“Take your time.”

You don’t feel different at first. You are sitting on a blanket. Yoongi is with you. The sun is warm. The ground is hard. The water is cold, painting deep blues behind your lids.

“Huh?”

“You’re feeling the water, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. Wow, it feels cold and never ending. It just flows and, and looks blue.”

“Good job, keep searching for more.”

The trees. Their aura looks like specks of green sunlight through a thick canopy. The sensation sways from side to side like trees sway in the wind.

“The trees sway.”

“Good job, you’re getting closer and closer.”

A mushroom. It’s magic flies like brown spores through the darkness. The scent of nourishing soil tickles your nose.

Suddenly a little jingle. Like that of the smallest of bells. The brown spores turn into white petals and the once muddy scent becomes floral.

“I think I’ve got it”, you say and sniffle, “wow, it smells so good.”

“Good job, you did it”, he praises, “now that you’ve tapped into the source, think of creating the flower with a snap of your finger and if you channelled your source correctly, it should appear just like it did with me.”

“Okay, okay so”, you say and snap your fingers, “hey! I did it!” you gasp and open your eyes, “oh…”

Dried, old petals lie in your palms. 

“Oh no”, you say sag your shoulders in defeat. You pout at him.

“Hey you made petals, that’s already a start. Keep doing what you did, nobody’s perfect with the first try.”

“Okay, okay”, you say and furrow your brows in concentration. You even stick your tongue out, making a little sound of hard work.

Yoongi smiles fondly, gazing at your features with soft eyes. He thinks that you are adorable when you concentrated really hard.

You snap your fingers. Petals shoot into the air like confetti.

“Wait. Again.”

Another snap of your fingers. The smallest, most delicate of flowers appears.

“Look! Yoongi, look! A flower!”

You hold it up before his eyes, bouncing on the spot in excitement.

“Good job, you did it”, Yoongi praises.

“It’s so small though”, you pout, “I wanted it to be bigger.”

“You made a flower, that’s already the first step. Try again.”

“Okay”, you say and pull your face of concentration.

Yoongi is melting. His heart is racing like crazy. He tilts his head to the side and blinks his eyes at you slowly. Look at you. Just fucking look at you.

“Woah! Look!”

Yoongi shifts his head to your hand. You are holding a blue flower between your fingers.

“A flower”, you squeak, waving it excitedly, “Yoongi, I made a flower!”

“I can see that, good job princess”, he smiles with you, “it’s such a pretty flower too.”

“Yeah, right? And look, it’s blue. Like your favourite colour.”

He meets your eyes. They are glowing in happiness. His heart flutters.

“It’s for you”, you whisper, “can I put it in your hair?”

“Yeah”, he whispers, holding his breath as you lean closer to put the flower in his hair. He looks at your face with parted lips, feeling his heart almost give up in his chest.

You tug a strand of hair behind his ear as well, running the back of your hand down his cheek last. 

“There we go, now you’re pretty.”

Your eyes meet. Yoongi is blushing. Even more than he does in the real world. 

You giggle and steal a kiss, nudging him with your nose afterwards. Yoongi lets out a quiet chuckle, rubbing his nose against yours gently. He cups your cheek with his right hand and slides his left hand to the back of your head. He pushes you down onto the blanket for another kiss, knocking a sigh of his name out of you.

Here you are. Kissing instead of practicing magic. You smile into the kiss, hooking your arms behind his head. This isn’t the worst situation to be in. As a matter of fact, it is the loveliest of lovely situations to find yourselves in. He is between your legs, he is so warm and soft and comfortably heavy. You can feel his tummy against yours, his middle melted with yours and his heart sync with yours. You and he are so perfectly one right now and it’s the best thing to be.

The kiss only breaks because humans need to breathe. How annoying indeed.

Yoongi caresses your cheek with the tip of his nose, having his eyes closed. You have your eyes closed as well, playing with his hair slowly. It feels so soft between your fingers. So, so soft.

“I’m happy”, he confesses in a barely there whisper.

“I’m happy too, my love.” 

“I feel so young.”

You fix the position of your head and open your eyes so you could look at him, “you do? What does that mean?”

He lifts his head, looking at you as he talks. His thumbs caress your cheeks.

“I feel so human. I guess because I am, but this takes me back to my days as a magic student.”

“Yeah? Did you also lay under trees and practice magic?”

“I did, but not like this.”

“Not like this?”

“Not with the most beautiful woman by my side”, he rolls to his tummy and props himself up on his elbows, “not with the love of my life”, he adds and kisses your lips.

Your heart flutters like crazy and Yoongi’s does too. It flutters even more when you gaze at each other after the kiss. 

“Were you ever in love as a human?” you ask him.

“Not like I am with you. I had a love affair with a girl from my village, but I didn’t love her like I love you.”

“Did you ever love someone like you love me?”

“Of course I didn’t”, he says as his eyes race between yours, “why are you asking that? Do you doubt my feelings for you?”

“No, of course not, I was just wondering. Three thousand years is a really long time.”

“I didn’t feel like I deserved to love or to be loved in return, so I never really tried looking for it.”

“I see. I’m sorry you had to feel this way. I hope you know that you deserve love and that you always did.”

He lowers his eyes shyly, nodding his head slowly.

“Good”, you say and ruffle his hair gently, “maybe I can be glad that you decided to be a loner. Means I had a chance with you.”

He laughs. You laugh with him. The mood has been lifted again.

“I guess yeah”, he says, giving your cheek a little pinch.

You scrunch your nose, feeling really happy. You love when he laughs. He is so pretty doing it. You reach up and trace his cheek most tenderly. Yoongi studies your features shyly.

“I think you and I would have been lovers at school”, you say.

“What do you mean?”

“If I was born back then and we went to Nilrem’s school together, we would have been school sweethearts. I think we would have practiced spells together just like we do right now.”

Yoongi smiles and kisses your cheek.

“Yes, we’d have done that.”

“Who do you think would have fallen first?”

“Probably me”, Yoongi says, “I’m too weak for you”, he adds in a breathy laugh.

“No, Yoongi”, you get out, “you are so sweet. I thought you would say me because I’m a hopeless romantic, but this is so much sweeter. You really would have fallen first?”

“Yeah”, he says, gazing at your lips, “you’d probably have been annoyed by my daydreams and laziness.”

“You’re not lazy.”

“Back then I was. I hated studying.”

You laugh. Yoongi smiles. 

“I still do.”

“And yet we met at uni.”

“Yeah, I hated every second of it.”

You laugh, “and yet you still went. I mean, I guess it was because of Alpha needing a babysitter.”

“Yeah seriously that’s the only reason I went. Stupid brats, they’re centuries old and decided to cosplay students. That’s the last thing I’d wanna be again.”

“But if they never did, we never would have met.”

“Right. That’s the only good thing coming out of it.”

“Can you imagine how that would have been? If you guys stayed at the estate and I just lived my life as a student? We would have only been twenty minutes apart and yet would have had no idea that we existed and how we could change each other’s lives.”

“Yeah…” he looks out at the lake. His eyes race from left to right as he is clearly thinking. His lips curl into a soft smile, “you have no idea what you did”, he speaks gently, “and how you changed me. Do you have an idea what you did? Do you?”

“I don’t know.”

“I spent three millennia looking for a cure to what I am just so I could die. Three millennia my dream was to die and I hated every day, month, year which passed where I was still alive. You make me grateful for every goddamn second I can spend on this earth.”

“I do?”

“You actually make me happy that I’m immortal because it means that I have all the fucking time in the world to love you and be with you.”

“Yoongi, my love”, you whisper, feeling so utterly overtaken by emotion.

“And I’m not saying this to be cheesy or, or romantic. I’m saying this because it’s the cold, hard truth. You make me wanna fucking live, ___”, he says with trembling emotion in his voice.

You choke down the tears threatening to spill, reaching over to hold his hand.

“I know”, you choke out, “but I can’t help to think it’s really romantic too”, you add in a breathy laugh.

Yoongi laughs just as breathily, “yeah.”

You and he spill tears. They’re not of bad nature and the soft laughs escaping you are proof enough. 

“I’m happy you feel this way, my love”, you say quietly, caressing his hand.

“I’m happy too. Being happy is so, so…so”, he touches his own chest and laughs as he talks, “worthwhile. It’s so worthwhile.”

“It is. It’s so worthwhile.”

He closes the distance between you and him and hugs you. He rests his head on your shoulder and his arm around your waist. 

“I think that we’re gonna have a happy eternity”, he says. 

“Yoongi, I love you”, you get out and hug him tightly, “shit, you got me crying again. Stop being so full of love. I can’t do this anymore.”

He chuckles, swaying you softly.

“I can’t help it. I want to be soft and full of love.” 

“And you are. Oh, you are so full of love. My softest love.” 

“I like this, yeah”, he says and giggles happily as he hugs you to him.

[volpe-kitsune-red]

May i request a lynx X an already partially conditioned reader (gender neutral preferably)?

Of course! I am kind of excited, this is the first request I get to write. :D Hope you'll like it!

An obedient pet

Lynx Andromeda (Yandere OC) x gn!reader

TW. general yandere behavior, possessive behavior, manipulation, gaslighting, threats.

You wouldn't describe yourself as a pushover, you knew how to stand your ground when it came to anyone, be it a friend or a professor. But there was something in her voice, in the way she imposed herself that enchanted you, or more accurately, conditioned your mind into bending down at her will, allowing her to guide your thoughts as she pleased.

It started with you losing touch with any friend you would hang out with the most often. Lynx would remind you that you had already made plans with her whenever you tried to organize a night out with them. "What do you mean you don't remember us talking about going to the cinema today? You were the one that proposed it! Have you been getting enough sleep, love? You keep forgetting our dates. Or is it because you don't care enough to spend time with me to remember?" Of course you cared! Your friends kept pointing out how this kept happening almost every time. But she obviously would never lie to you about stuff like this, you just had a hard time remembering your plans.

You also couldn't remember when she started referring to your hangouts as 'dates', you questioned her about it but kept getting evasive answers until you gave up. "Hmmm? Isn't that what they're called?" "Best friends date all the time!." "Date, going out together, honeymoon, they're all the same thing!"

It became obvious that something was wrong when people stopped inviting you out with them and even went out of their way to avoid you at school. Well, not everyone stopped, Lynx and her close friends were still there for you. You would always be encouraged to meet them in the corridors after every period and sit with them in the dining hall.

It was a very drastic change, it's not like you were forced to follow them everywhere, but you had no one else to go to. You suspected that someone must have spread rumors about you or there was something wrong with you that inevitably pushed everyone away. You felt grateful to Lynx for always sticking by your side, making you feel welcome in your friend group, but you also wanted to get your social life back in your control.

The problem was that she wouldn't let you. It felt like there was an invisible string tying you to her if you strove too far away to connect with anyone else. It was impossible to talk to new people at parties when she was always there to pull you away. "Come on! We are about to start a game of beer pong, you have to at least come to watch me win!" You were starting to get sick of it. It...it was like she was doing it on purpose! You loved being with her of course, she was your best friend, but you should also be allowed to have friendships outside of her and her group! Just as planned, nothing you said or did helped the situation.

"Are you saying we are not good enough company for you? Must I remind you how your old friends abandoned you?" "Do you want to risk the heartbreak of being rejected again?" "..." "Exactly, I didn't think so."

Every fight left you more hopeless than the previous. Lynx would comfort you afterward, sweet words leaving her lips like honey, but in reality, it was closer to venom. "You don't need to risk getting hurt again, all you need is here." "I'm here for you and always will be. You're mine." "Huh, what was that.?" "Nothing, sweety <3"

Eventually, you found yourself always clinging to her. Wherever she was, you were there with her. You became like a puppy, believing whatever your owner told you, never suspecting any ill from them. She was always so nice to you, after all, always locking arms with you whenever she was close, never letting you leave her sight. She would buy you gifts, praise you, and pet you whenever you behaved the way she wanted you to.

You were never left alone, you were always shown affection and support. Life was good, why would you ever desire anything different?

"I love you, my dear. See how everything is better when you're with me? Wouldn't you love for it to last longer, perhaps forever?"

From that moment forward, any hope for your life to go back to normality becomes useless and then, lost.

[moonlit-imagines]

The Falcon

Bruce Wayne x teen!reader

warnings:

a/n: ik this took forever but i fell IN LOVE with this song and it really did remind me so much of like, the court of owls and it just fit together so perfectly. literally been listening to this song nonstop. so good.

prompt: @qrow-shroomlight: “Hi!! I would like to make a request for the music event, can I request a blurb with the song "The Falcon" by Mimi and Richard Farina with Robert Pattinson's Batman and a child reader (like a parental relationship)? I was think the reader was an assassin but it can be up to you! Thanks!”

Ever since you could remember, you were a pawn to the Court of Owls. Well, you’d be more accurately described as a knight. You weren’t like their other soldiers, you were trained to be more. You weren’t an Owl, and maybe that’s what truly set you apart from them.

You were the Falcon. Perfect, pretty, and prized. Flaunted as the most efficient weapon there may be. You weren’t meant to be hidden within the Court, for everyone gawked at you at meetings and parties as you observed behind your unique mask.

A trained spy and killer, an assassin who answers to their masters without question. And if you were to have one, you shouldn’t expect a good answer. But you were good at what you did, it was all you ever knew. You were taken care of. But it was all you’ve ever known…

Now you sat across from the Batman, who gave you the answers you sought out in exchange for his life, although he was certainly a formidable opponent, you started having your own doubts of your capabilities when you faced off with him, before a draw was called for this.

“You…you shouldn’t be associating with them. The Court isn’t looking out for your best interests.” The Batman explained to you like you were a child, knowing full-well that you were much too mature for a tone like that.

“They are all I know. I may not know much, but I know when someone is speaking to me like I’m stupid.” You countered, growing increasingly agitated, but there was a fizzle of sorrow in the back of your throat. “I have always done as I’m told, it’s why they hold me to such a high standard.”

“Then why are you talking it out with your target?” Batman questioned. He could see your eyes from behind the mask just shimmer a bit as tears fought to spill, but you still had some control over said emotions. “You have lived in a cage your entire life, depending on monsters to keep you fed as long as you do their bidding, no matter how gruesome or immoral.”

“I don’t have morals, that’s what made me their top agent.” You snapped back, aching to just cave and agree with him, but it’d go against everything you’ve ever been taught. You looked through this narrow lens all of your short life, right and wrong being dictated by people hiding behind owl masks, feeling superior to all of Gotham, instilling their will no matter who it affects and how.

“You are a child. Not a Falcon. You have been robbed of a lifetime of education and experience that should have given you morals, taught you about the world.” Batman himself started to feel personally about the subject. “No child should have to see death, to look it in the eye.”

“I can’t erase what happened to me. I can’t start a normal life. This is what I’m good at and I’ll do it until I die.” You pushed against him in such a way that he knew you were doing it on purpose. The two of you stared at each other behind the obscure masks you donned. No words were spoken, no breaths were drawn, you just stared. Two dangerous, dark figures that found a story behind each others eyes. And then you sighed, removing your beaked mask and setting it before you, then pulling down your hood. “What do I do?”

“You have options. They’ll still be that of an abnormal childhood, but they’ll save you a lifetime of pain.” He said, leaving you desperate for more answers.

“Just tell me!” You banged your fist on the wooden table, not causing so much as a flinch from this protector.

“You’re going to have to defect.” He plainly stated.

“What? That’s your plan? That’s obvious!” You became more frustrated, letting the tears fall. “I need more, Batman! I am tired of being given easy answers to shut me up!” Batman stood up, rising above you and walking closer, which to you felt deeply threatening. But he placed a hand upon your shoulder and quieted you as you tensed.

“You leave them, you come with me.” That was the plan, his offer to you. “I know what it’s like, and if you come with me you can still do what you’re good at—to an extent.”

“And where is the line?” You grumbled.

“No killing.” You were told.

“That’s it?”

“No one needs to die. That’s not up to us.” Batman’s words happened to make perfect sense to you now. “You’ll be taken care of if you can follow along, but it’ll take some time. For now, I need you to wrap up any loose ends you might have.”

“I have to go back to the Court.” You told him.

“I understand, but don’t do anything you’d regret later. The no-killing rule is in effect as of now.” That warning changed your plan for the better. You would make sure they never forget what they’ve done to you.

taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @summersimmerus // @xoxobabydolls // @evilcr0ne // @wild-rose-35 // @alwaysananglophile // @ruvaakke // @more-multifandom-of-madness // @girlmythlegend // @shepsgotthoughts // @diansaprince // @v0idl1nq // @theseawakes // @sydknee624 // @thedarkqueenofavalon // @amirahiddleston // @locke-writes // @elenavampire21 //

[pastafossa]

Do you see Jane as yourself or a separate person because when I read x reader fics I feel like I always make up characters that I think would fit more but idk

Me personally, I see Jane as a different person, just one with a few attributes I share! And that's kind of on purpose. I've essentially tried to make her a mixture of all of us, of the fandom, of the love we—me included—have for Matt and that world. That's why she's never physically described, why her original family is kind of murky and lost. She's both herself—her own character with a shaped personality and flaws and strengths—but also all of the readers, including me, and she looks like what each of us wants or needs to see, comes from where we need her to come from. Which is how I think of a lot of great Reader characters when I'm reading, or characters I style after me in RPGs! They're me but they're me in another world with another life story, which makes them different in their own way, in the way any alternate universe version of yourself might be different.

Because of Plot Reasons (TM), you can never really make a reader fully everyone, it's true. There are always choices the plot requires a Reader to make, which is one reason I've set Jane up with the backstory she has, and why we're exploring questions of identity through her that I want readers to consider - wouldn't we be the same as her, make a lot of the same decisions, feel the same loneliness and wariness and trauma, if we'd all gone through what she has? And if you spend all your time being someone else, how long until you start changing? How much of you is created and how much of you is born? How much of you would change if you went through what she did? And what if you did go through what she did? This could be you, what if? In that way, she's potentially (since some see her as entirely separate, which is fine!) a sort of a variant of us, an AU, a what-if, in which our lives and selves were morphed by circumstances beyond our control. This is how I see the CYOA books I read as a kid, and there was a great article I read a few months ago that sums up the You in CYOA, Reader fics, RPGs, and TRT pretty well (it's the highlighted bits I found most accurate, the part about not having 'relatability' I think was a misunderstanding of what You POV/Reader/the best CYOA books were about if done right since it CAN be relatable, though the rest of it after that still feels accurate).

So I don't think your stance is unusual at all! I've got a whole range of readers—some who see Jane (and other reader characters) as fully them, some who see her as wholly separate, and some who land somewhere in the middle. All of those for x Reader are valid, and I work REALLY hard to keep her as relatable as possible for that reason, so that even if someone does see her as someone else, you can still understand and appreciate her choices when the plot forces her hand. But that's the thing: where you stand on whether a Reader character is you or someone else or even a pre-established canon character is fluid. Everyone sees them differently, pulls on that costume, slides into that skin in their own way. And I think that's really awesome tbh, since it means we get a million different flavors of a character who's still essentially the same.

[lazyyogi]

The Sanatana Dharma Fandom aka... "Hinduism"

From allowing for the creation of new deities to holding space for contradictory philosophies, what we commonly refer to as Hinduism is probably more accurately described as a spiritual fandom.

What makes Hinduism resemble a fandom is that there is both a canonical authority that sets forth a worldview and there are the modifications and additions to that worldview created by local environments, teachers, lineages, and families. I will explain later how a great number of changes can be made without ever disturbing the underlying premise of Hindu philosophy.

Like most spiritual/religious traditions, Hinduism concerns itself with how to live well and in harmony with the nature of creation. It also has a bonus typically only seen in eastern traditions: enlightenment.

Let's begin with a very general examination of the traditional Hindu approach to human life.

Dharma, Artha, Kama, and Moksha

There are four themes of human life within the fandom: Dharma, Artha, Kama, and Moksha. These themes support a way of life as well as stages of life.

Dharma has many translations and meanings but I would summarize it as being "a sense of honor with respect to your place in this world." Self-discovery and growth are implicit in one's dharma.

Artha is the pursuit of wealth and prosperity for the purpose of livelihood. It entails the activities and resources that allow for harmonious existence within this physical world. It is because of artha that we as humans can survive while also having time and space for higher pursuits, such as art and spirituality.

Kama is pleasure. Rings a bell, right? Oooh yeah the Kama Sutra. I like the Wikipedia definition of Kama: "the aesthetic enjoyment of life, affection, or love, with or without sexual connotations." Everyone, knowingly or unknowingly, is seeking to enjoy themselves and their lives. Kama recognizes and acknowledges this, allowing pleasure a place within the human way of life.

And lastly there is moksha. Perhaps one of the most defining features of all, moksha means liberation. Put simply, all of creation is divinity and all beings are divine. However, for the vast majority of us, this is not a lived experience. Moksha essentially means the realization and embodiment of divinity, as divinity. In other words, enlightenment.

If you put it all together then you get a healthy, well-balanced human life.

As children, we should enjoy life through play, art, and friendship. That is kama and it helps to emphasize why human life is worth supporting and sustaining. And it is important to maintain touch with kama and the playfulness of humanness throughout our lives. Some of us will begin to discover our place, our dharma, in childhood.

Next comes artha, learning how to actually contribute to that support and sustenance of human life. Higher education, getting a job, whatever. Again, one's dharma comes into play as the path through which we seek to do so. Artha acknowledges the reality of living in a society, that survival is not something taken for granted but rather earned. It is not about greed or building vast sums of wealth as its own ends.

And lastly, at any point in life, some people may feel an urge to understand what all of this actually is, what essence resides in/as reality. Revelation of reality is moksha.

While Hinduism is a sea of varying cosmologies, philosophical systems, spiritual lineages, and deities, these four themes are commonly found either explicitly or implicitly within the average citizen's lifestyle.

The Sanatana Dharma

The term "Hinduism" is actually an exonym, a non-native label placed upon it. Now having explained a little about Hinduism, its endonym--the native label for itself--may make a bit more sense: Sanatana Dharma.

You could basically translate it similarly to the Mandalorian phrase "this is the way."

Sanatana means 'eternal' and dharma means 'truth' or 'way.' Dharma is a term that has meaning deeper than in the context of those four themes described above. Dharma is truth and cosmic law. Quantum physics is dharma, sure, but in spiritual circles you will also hear dharma used to describe the truths and practices that reveal moksha, enlightenment.

Another excellent Wikipedia definition for Sanatana Dharma: "the natural and eternal way to live."

In other words, just as everyone knowingly or unknowingly is seeking enjoyment as kama, so too is everyone knowingly or unknowingly seeking to realize the reality of their inner divinity. Because that is the ultimate and lasting enjoyment beyond all enjoyments.

Sanatana Dharma is the way that supports all of this. It supports the possibility for anyone to become enlightened while also supporting those who just want to live well, love fully, and experience a satisfying human life.

While it may be tempting to label Hinduism a colonizing term, the reason why I don't shy away from using it is because the people of the Sanatana Dharma have accepted the term themselves. It is actually kinda handy given that I essentially had to write an essay in order to properly convey Sanatana Dharma's meaning. Someone can just say "Hinduism" instead and you'll know they mean the religion(s) of India.

I know what you're thinking (I don't actually but let's pretend). What about all those gods and rituals and yogis? Where do those come into play when all I've described are some spirit-o-sophical concepts? Here's where I bring us back to the concept of a fandom.

The Hindu Fandom

Firstly, there is the canon aka the source material. There are the vedas, puranas, and various gitas that build out the cosmology and classical plot points. Even within the canon there is differentiation and contradiction yet somehow without discord. Regardless, the general View is that there is a supreme reality that is beyond notions of separation and unity. The term "Brahman" has been given to that supreme reality. I also like that sometimes it is simply called "That."

Various canon stories exist as to how things went from Brahman to Tiktok dance challenges. The main point of all those stories is that manifest physical (and non-physical) realities are all made from Brahman. In all of those stories, there exist super-Beings who played a role in Creation to varying degrees. Those are the Deva, the Shining Ones. They are the gods and goddesses. They had births, they have incredibly long lifespans, and they have deaths. Most of them are also enlightened and were the first gurus to humans.

This leads to the fanon--the ideas of the fanbase that modify the canon--of different lineages within Hinduism. There are those who regard Lord Shiva as the embodiment of the supreme reality, those who regard Vishnu or Krishna as such, and so on. It can get very detailed and nuanced from here. The really, really cool thing is that the fanon is ongoing.

Did you know that a 1975 Bollywood movie popularized an invented deity to the point that she was inducted as a new goddess within the Hindu pantheon? Santoshi Ma, the Goddess of Satisfaction was born from the popularity of the film.

Another example of a new deity being created within Hinduism is something that Sadhguru did in rather spectacular fashion. He put together a whole temple and through ritual installed within it a new goddess named Linga Bhairavi.

Because of the underlying canon, the acceptance of an all-pervading Supreme Reality that is both the source and substance of all things, it is no problem to accept new fanon. Any apparent contradiction is merely superficial.

Why is this okay? It is understood that the Supreme Reality is really beyond anything the human mind can imagine; it is indescribable by any one form or notion of formlessness. The reason why there are so many gods and goddesses is that they each highlight a certain aspect of that Supreme Reality and anthropomorphize it such that we can begin to relate with and understand something so limitless.

Depending on our dharma, karma, and so on, our temperaments will lead us to the divine in different styles. Krishna has a different vibe than Lord Shiva, after all. I guess we could say that's kind of a form of shipping? Lol. And if there isn't a particularly relatable form of the divine available, a new one can be born.

Lastly, continuing with our fandom theme, is headcanon. These are your own notions and understanding of the canon material. If you choose to become an active practitioner in your own spiritual path, your insights and experiences may give rise to fresh expressions of this eternal truth, of the Sanatana Dharma.

Sometimes a great guru's headcanon modifies the fanon, which in turn leads to a change in the canon. It's pretty damn cool that there is room for such a thing yet there is no official committee or rules about any of it.

Anyway, none of this really even gets into much detail about Hinduism in general or any particular philosophical schools or spiritual lineages within it. But I hope it does manage to convey the de-centralized premise and living nature of the Sanatana Dharma.

LY

[ener-chi]

Paid Readings and Services

Hey everyone! I am excited to announce that I am reopening my readings and services! A little bit about me: My name is Z, and my pronouns are He/They. I don't really care for labels, but if I were to use them, I would describe myself as an astral traveler, an energy worker, a spirit worker, a Reiki master, clairvoyant, claircognizant, a Buddhist, a Norse Pagan, and a reductionist witch!

As far as my services go, I do things like: channeled card draws, intuitive readings, energy readings, spirit services, Reiki healing, etc. What makes my readings unique is that I am an avid astral-traveler and energy worker. When I do readings, I connect to your energy directly, and sometimes visit you astrally, so that I can get a genuine connection to give an accurate reading. I'm grateful to have been met with much success, and to have helped so many people. You can find most feedback that I get here.

Services:

If you are interested in getting a reading, please read the instructions at the end of this post.

Channeled Card Pull

Once connected to your energy, I will intuitively pick one of the many decks best-suited for your question, and draw a card for you using an energy technique of my own. Pics will be included!

I will then channel a short message for you, about 2-3 paragraphs.

Some examples of this kind of reading can be found here and here.

General Reading

This is by far my most popular kind of reading! In this reading I connect to you energetically and astrally, and I describe what I see and hear in answer to your request. Typically I start by describing some basics about your energy, how it looks and feels, etc. I will also describe any physical/emotional/personal attributes that I am picking up about you.

From here, it depends on the purpose of the reading! If you have a specific question, I will then address it and channel it here. If there is no specific question and more of a general reading, then I will simply allow the Universe to show me what you need to hear. Sometimes I get messages, see visions, talk to guides or spirits - whatever happens, happens!

Examples of these kinds of readings can be found here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Energy Reading/Healing

In this kind of reading, I will look at and analyze your energy much more in-depth than I normally would in any other reading. I can see and feel energy, and I can also see and interact with auras as well.

So in this reading, I will give you a detailed description of your energy and your aura at the current point in time, as well as descriptions of anything else that might grab my interest, such as imbalanced chakras, stuck energy, objects in your aura, parasites, etc.

The "Healing" aspect of this reading is that I will do some light energy work on your energy and aura - mainly removing any parasites and patching holes in your aura. If you are looking for a deeper-healing service, then I recommend contacting me for a Reiki session. See below for more details.

Spirit Services

This service will largely be relative to the individual and their needs and wants. But things I can do here would be things like:

-Spirit Interviews - I can channel a spirit or spirit guide for you, ask questions, see if they have any messages for you, etc.

-Spirit Detection - If you are suspicious of a spirit hanging around you and your home, I can check for you, and if there is one, I can see what they want. If they are malicious, this brings me to my next service:

-Big Nasty ™ Removal - Sometimes malicious spirits and entities find their way to us. I can help you banish any unpleasant or malicious spirits. I am also very good at removing parasites - they usually have these fine entanglements in your energy and aura, like a leech or tick, which requires precise energy work to remove. I can do this as well.

Because of the complexity of this work, if you are interested in this service, DM me!

Disclaimer: Spirits are autonomous beings, and as such I cannot guarantee that a spirit will want to talk with me or answer specific questions that you may have. If a stranger came up to you and started talking to you and asking you questions, you aren't obligated to answer or reply; spirits are the same. Usually this isn't a problem, but I must say it on the off-chance that it does comes into play.

Reiki Healing - 30-45 minute session

If you are unfamiliar with what Reiki is, you can read my post about it here.

Reiki can absolutely be done via distance and I actually find that I'm just as effective doing it remotely as I am in person, due to my methods of astral travel and energy work.

Besides general Reiki healing, things that I can help you work on are:

-Energy/Aura reset and cleansing

-Balancing imbalanced energies and chakras

-Deeper aura/energy repair

-Deep emotional healing/release

-Inner work/healing

Unlike my other services, these Reiki Healings need to be done LIVE - meaning that we schedule some time to do it, like you would any other appointment. We don't need to be face-to-face on some video or voice call or something; messaging through Tumblr is enough. But doing it concurrently ensures that I have consent and that it is done during a good time for you (instead of like when you're driving or at work or something. That = bad).

If you are interested in booking a Reiki Session, DM me!

Questions I Won't Answer

I don't do legal or medical questions. I don't do specific time-frame requests (i.e. how many days until I meet my soulmate?). I also don't do third-party readings - which basically means doing a reading for somebody else that's not you. I can do like a relationship reading, or reading on the bond/connection between you and someone else, but that's as far as I will read on the other person without their explicit consent.

How To Get A Reading From Me

This applies to all of my services, except for Spirit Services and Reiki (for those, DM me plz!)

Send me an ask (anonymous or not) or a DM, with the following information:

1 . The Service that you are requesting, and any questions you would like answered/things you would like to me look at, if applicable. The more info, the better ((:

2 . Your info

-First Name

-Last Initial

-Preferred Pronouns

-2 Unique Physical Features

-A Fav Memory

These are NOT optional. These help me to get a clear and stable connection to your energy, so that I can read for you. Without them, I cannot give you an accurate reading.

3 . Equal Energy Exchange

The way that I do payment for readings has changed. There is a fantastic book by Frank Alper called Our Existence Is Mind, and in it he talks about the necessity of an equal exchange of energy: "This fulfills the balance of energies between the healer and the receiver. If this does not take place, the energies of healing could disperse and lose effectiveness" (76).

I fully agree with this and think that this applies to readings as well as healings. In order for my readings/healings/services/etc to be fully effective for the other person, there needs to be an equal exchange of energy. If the exchange is out of balance, either from the reader or the client, the reading could not be effective or accurate, and any energy work or healing that is done could disperse or cease to take effect.

So to do this, I leave it up to you to decide how much it's worth it to you and what would be a fair exchange, as well as how you would like to do it. It doesn't have to be money - though most people do for my readings and services - there just needs to be an balance of exchange. If you would like to explore other options for the exchange, please shoot me a message (:

If you do decide to exchange via payment, you can do it either via Tumblr Tipping or preferably Paypal. My paypal is: enerchi314@gmail.com

Along with the exchange, please include your name and last initial, so that I can line up your exchange with your reading request.

You can do the exchange before I do the reading, though I suppose that it would make more sense to do it after I'm done too. Either way works for me (:

Any requests that do not have the required info about you will sit in my inbox for three days before being deleted, at which point you will need to send a new request.

I think that's it! I'm excited to read for you guys again!

Blessings!

[kimberlyannharts]

LAST TIME ON RANGER ACADEMY: It's our contractually obligated school dance portion of the Magic School plot Parent Weekend, but Sage and Tula can't enjoy it due to The Horrors. Regardless of crazy social anxiety and cover-up conspiracy theories, we got some cool reveals, like how MATHIS'S MOM IS NADIRA!!!!!

oh and Tula had an older sister who was a Green Ranger or something.

It's Ranger Academy #7!

Tula: this is where my older sister died, Sage

Sage: cowabummer!

= So I guess something worth noting here is Ranger Academy is indeed intentionally covering up Green and it's definitely framed as bad that they did that (yay, the system I hate is corrupted and we have to knock it down!!!!) but we're ONLY focusing on Green and not other colors. Part of me feels like we're going to stay focused on Green for simplicity's sake but it would be a shame if we never followed up on the possibility of other colors being wiped from everyone's awareness. Ranger Academy you have one fucking chance to prove to everyone this isn't just MMPR worship

= girl I get it if the 999 happy haunts of an abandoned school campus invited me to be the 1,000th tenant I'd want to get tf out of there too!!!!!!!

= mysterious floating head wants in on the friendship breakup, I get it

= also there's been some parts of the fandom turning on Sage for this, which on the one hand, she really is putting more blame on Tula than is deserved (like her grief about how Tula was using their friendship to get evidence? Tula was honestly trying to stay away from Sage a majority of the time before this. And as Tula rightfully points out after this, she didn't want Sage to come here in the first place, making the whole "you took me from my home!" thing moot. And in general I really can't blame Tula for being opportunistic once she realized Sage got Green powers. Is it somewhat selfish? Yeah, but not to the extent that I can fully side with Sage's breakdown here.) But on the other hand, people in the fandom insulting Sage and calling her selfish, a pick-me, unworthy of being a ranger, etc. have made me extra protective of her because she's fucking 14 years old in a fucked up situation so! Maybe you guys just hate girls

= So I guess right now one of the questions that hasn't been explained enough to the point where you can kind of get an idea as to where they're going with it (don't you love drawn-out mysteries?) is Tula's connection to Rhianth. I guess it could be as simple as she just found his name (or "Rye", as she called him in the first issue) while researching the Green Campus, as we know he had a Green on his team, but she still seems overly fixated on him. Especially when you consider their literal LIBRARIAN knew Rhianth too, and would be far easier to investigate

= Kartyr you should know the lesbian breakups are always the most dramatic

= hey look it's the panel that launched a thousand haters

= You guys already know my problems with the suits and everything so I won't get into them here, but I do wish the fandom people yelling about how generic the suits are would realize it's a symptom of why the concept of a Ranger school in general rather than the problem just being their designs. The designs themselves are fine. And yeah, I wish the cadets could personalize their morphers/suits, but like......why would they be able to in a school environment. They're basically uniforms. And throwing in more lore and rules about how they would work with multiple themes would just get overly complicated; especially when we don't know yet how the process of choosing a team works. This is unfortunately what makes the most sense for a Ranger school. I saw someone call it a "mass-produced Ranger army" which is probably the most accurate way to describe it.

And the reason I'm saying this is because it's what i've been PREACHING and SAYING since THE FIRST ISSUE CAME OUT!!!!!!!!!

= does it have any games on it or what

= Anyway I'll say it again: whatever this is, Dark Specter, some evolved version of Dark Specter, Dark Specter's child, whatever; it's a way more intimidating design than Evil Radiant Red

= god I wish the ghostly green echo of my dead dad (????????) could show up whenever I needed inspiration

= LESBIANS GET BEHIND ME

= And I'll give them credit: at least her weapon isn't a dagger or sword

[innerpalaces]

THE PRINCESS WEI YANG - 179 PART 1

CHAPTER 179: Don't Suffer From Future Troubles

Grand Prince Yan returned to the banquet. At this moment, the atmosphere was very harmonious. People began to accept and like Li Wei Yang, and even felt that she had always been one of them.

Guo Dun looked at his sister in surprise and asked, "When did Jia'er become so eloquent?!"

With a smile on his handsome face, Guo Cheng glanced sideways at Guo Dun and said, "Not only is she eloquent, but she is also naturally lovable. Didn't you see that even our second aunt, who has always been so fierce, is smiling?"

Originally, when he saw Li Wei Yang's dull smile, he thought she was an unsociable person, but he didn't expect that she would be so popular. In fact, it is too simple to describe Li Wei Yang as lovable. You must know that it is easy to please one person, but it is much harder to please a group of people, especially when everyone here comes from a wealthy family and is reserved and proud. Li Wei Yang can build a good relationship with everyone within an hour, which is simply unbelievable to Guo Cheng.

What Guo Cheng doesn't know is that Li Wei Yang is a very perceptive person. If she sincerely wants to please everyone, it is actually a very easy thing. However, she used to disdain doing it. But today, Madam Guo was always watching her with concern, fearing that she would feel unhappy in the crowd. In order to comfort her, Li Wei Yang needed to integrate into the environment as soon as possible. Secondly, if Li Wei Yang cannot leave an approachable, elegant and noble first impression on others, it will be difficult for her to gain a foothold among these wealthy families from now on. Because no matter what kind of family they are, they will always reject outsiders. She must break their inner barriers and let them accept her as soon as possible. This is the way to survive.

Guo Dun said in confusion: "Didn't you say that Jia'er grew up in a merchant house? How come I don't think her words and deeds look like the kind of daughter they would raise?"

Guo Dao was drinking next to him. When he heard this, he laughed and said, "Don't you understand this? Jia'er was born with noble blood, and she can grow into a peony flower even in a lowly merchant house!"

Guo Dun felt more and more that something was strange, but Guo Cheng glanced at Guo Dao and was secretly surprised. He knew that this younger brother had always been careless, but his intuition seemed to be too accurate. One must know that most merchants carried the stench of copper, and the majority of them were rich but not noble. No matter how hard you hide it, it is difficult for girls raised in this kind of family to get rid of the aura of being from a merchant family. They are still far away from a truly high class family, but Li Wei Yang doesn't feel like a girl who grew up in a merchant house at all. She looks like a natural-born young lady from the Guo family.

For the first time, Guo Cheng was curious about the environment where Li Wei Yang grew up.

When Grand Prince Yan saw Li Wei Yang surrounded by people, chatting and laughing, his expression turned gloomy and cold. He has rarely suffered setbacks in his life, but he fell at the hands of Li Wei Yang. This is simply a shame and humiliation for him. If he didn't take revenge for this, it would be hard for him to accept it! Thinking of this, he glanced at Li Wei Yang and said loudly: "Madam Guo, I heard that Miss Guo has been missing for many years. I wonder where you found her?"

As soon as he said these words, the originally harmonious atmosphere of the banquet changed. The expressions of everyone present became uncomfortable, and the Duke of Qi's face suddenly darkened. In his opinion, Yuan Yu was being deliberately provocative. What does it have to do with Grand Prince Yan where his family found their daughter? Did they need to report to him? Not to mention that this was in public. It was too rude of him to suddenly ask this question without considering the situation.

But who is the Guo family? No matter how rude the other party is, they will not let people see their inner displeasure. It is like a person who is bitten by a dog: he will not put himself in the position of an animal and go up and bite back. Yuan Yu asked such a question just because he knew that the Guo family valued their dignity.

Everyone's expressions were very excited, because Yuan Yu asked what they wanted to know but had not dared to ask. Pei Baoer, who had been watching Guo Jia quickly blending in with the crowd, smiled and said, "Yes, I also want to know how Madam Guo found her long-lost daughter!"

Although Madam Guo was unhappy, she was an elder after all and could not argue with the younger generation, so she just smiled and said, "Since when did His Highness Grand Prince Yan and Miss Pei have such a good tacit understanding?" So they all came to target her daughter?

Grand Prince Yan smiled and said: "Madam Guo, we are just curious. I believe that not only us, but other guests attending the banquet must also want to know. After all, a daughter who has been separated for so many years was actually found. This is simply a miracle! So we want to hear how this miracle was created. I'm sure Madam Guo won't mind!"

He didn't use the word "happen", but "create". Li Wei Yang only had a subtle smile on her face, as if she didn't hear the ill intentions in Yuan Yu's tone.

Madam Guo glanced at the Duke of Qi and saw him nodding to her, then smiled and said: "I accidentally saw a string of rare Buddhist beads at the Salesian Orphanage, and they led me to Jia'er. These prayer beads were personally commissioned by my husband. I have touched every bead and will never recognize it wrongly. Speaking of which, this is also the reward for my persistence in giving alms to the Salesian Orphanage for many years. If not, I couldn't find Jia'er."

After hearing this, others said one after another: "Yes, this is really a rare coincidence!" "If the Duke of Qi's wife had not been so kind and generous, how could she have found her daughter who had been missing for more than ten years!" "Yes, yes, it must be Heaven's blessing!"

Yuan Yu heard everyone's whispers, but with a sneer on his face, he said: "Then I dare to ask, Madam Guo identified Miss Guo's identity with just a string of Buddhist beads? Aren't you afraid that others will find out about this secret and intentionally fake it?"

When these words were spoken, the expressions of Princess Chen Liu, The Duke of Qi, and the others all darkened, especially the sons of the Guo Family. Guo Dun said angrily: "Your Highness, what do you mean! Would our mother recognize the wrong person as our sister?"

Yuan Yu smiled and said: "Indeed, the person who knows a daughter best in the world is her mother. Madam Guo is Miss Guo's biological mother, so she can naturally discern the authenticity of the beads. But the problem is that Madam Guo and Miss Guo have been separated for many years. Wasn't it too arbitrary to identify her daughter with just a string of Buddhist beads? You should know, there are many cunning people in this world, and they may have thought of some insidious means to defraud the real Miss Guo of the beads!"

After saying this, everyone's eyes fell on Li Wei Yang, and some people already showed suspicious looks.

Li Wei Yang smiled and said: "Then according to Grand Prince Yan's implications, did I deliberately impersonate Miss Guo because I learned the secret of these beads?"

Before Grand Prince Yan could speak, Madam Guo was already furious and said: "What nonsense are you talking about! Those prayer beads were previously wrapped with a thin layer of wood. Outsiders would never be able to see the slightest clue. If I hadn't recognized these beads, their true appearance would never be known to anyone! What's more, when we were looking for our daughter in the past, we searched in secret. Who could know everything or even plan it? If you intend to continue your deliberate slander, please leave this banquet!"

Madam Guo had long since determined that Li Wei Yang is Guo Jia. No matter what Grand Prince Yan says, she will not believe it. On the contrary, she felt that Grand Prince Yan was deliberately looking for trouble.

The Duke of Qi's expression was extremely bad. He almost wanted to have Yuan Yu thrown out, but he held back at the critical moment. Yuan Yu was the Grand Prince Yan after all. If he directly ordered people to throw Yuan Yu out, it would be easy for a feud to be formed. Moreover, he can't let everyone think that they are afraid of others revealing the truth. Just imagine the rumors: if it weren't for the guilty conscience of the Guo family, why would they treat the Grand Prince Yan like this just for raising a few questions? Therefore, he just said coldly: "Your Highness Grand Prince Yan, you have no evidence, so please don't make random guesses. Our Guo family would not be as careless as you said. Countless people have come claiming to be relatives over the years. Have we ever acknowledged even one? You must have drunk too much, so please be careful with your words and actions!"

Yuan Yu didn't expect that the Guo family would have such a tough attitude, and didn't even have any doubts about Li Wei Yang. He was so angry that his face turned pale. Are these people crazy? He had already hinted so clearly, why didn't they pay any attention to it?! He paused and then said: "You two, you have misunderstood my good intentions. I think that the Guo family is illustrious and kind, so naturally there are countless people who want to join it. Over the years, hundreds have tried to become the Guo family's relative, dreaming of flying up to become dragons and phoenixes. Because of this, the Guo family should be more cautious when acknowledging relatives, so as not to fall for the tricks of those scoundrels and waste many years of hard work!" As he said this, he coldly looked at Li Wei Yang, clearly implying something.

Among the Guo family members, Guo Dun was the most honest and straightforward, and he was full of anger. After hearing these words, he stood up from his seat and said in a cold voice: "Your Highness, you are too drunk. You have started talking nonsense. Please go back as soon as possible, our Guo family does not welcome drunkards! We will not allow anyone to humiliate our family!"

When Guo Dun said the word family, Li Wei Yang felt a very complicated emotion in her perpetually cold heart. Family - this word is too unfamiliar to her. Li Xiaoran is her biological father, but he had always tried to use her in an attempt to squeeze out every last drop of value he could; the old madam was her family, but while appreciating her, she was also on guard against her; Tan Shi and Li Minzhi are also her family members, but they are too weak and always needed her protection. A single oversight would be irreparable. In her eyes, family is just a cold word. She rarely feels warmth from it, and she dare not indulge herself in this warmth.

However, Yuan Yu's words today attracted the Guo family's defense. Although some of them knew that she was not Guo Jia, and some were completely kept in the dark, their attitudes were all the same, and they would never allow anyone to harm members of their family.

Li Wei Yang felt shocked when others took the initiative to protect her. No matter how strong she was, she would still hope that when she was tired and felt lonely, someone would stand by her side. This was the first time that hope was satisfied, which put her at a loss for what to do.

Immediately afterwards, Guo Ying, the Marquis of Nanming, and Guo Zhen, the Duchess of Yingguo, had displeased expressions on their faces, and were about to explode. Han Qin ignored her sister Han Lin's signal to stop and said angrily: "Grand Prince Yan, you'd better leave quickly, you are not welcome here!"

The Guo family collectively issued an eviction order. Anyone else would not be able to sit still, but who is Yuan Yu?! His thick skin and dark heart are definitely not comparable to ordinary people. So even though Princess Yongning felt embarrassed and restless, Yuan Yu just felt a little hot in his ears and still said: "Why should you be angry? I just said a few fair words from the standpoint of an outsider!"

"Hmph!" Guo Dun's handsome face turned red and said, "You humiliated my little sister, isn't that enough?"

"Young Master Guo misunderstood." Yuan Yu sighed and said, "Although I can understand your family's eagerness to find their daughter, you can't just believe others indiscriminately. My father is also concerned about the Guo family's search for their daughter. Because of this, you can't act hastily and cause things to get out of hand. If you don't believe it, take a good look at this woman!" He suddenly stretched out his hand and pointed at Li Wei Yang and said: "She is not Guo Jia, she is Princess Anping of Dali!"

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[macethelaboratoryrat]

Finished Reading the Idiot

I'm not sure if I like it... but I also love it?? It's so interesting and complex, and I feel like even the stuff I dislike about it has a lot of meaning.

Below is a lot of rambling, so I feel like I need to put the cut here so that the post isn't too long. And since the cut is here, I can say: Spoilers for _The Idiot_ ahead!

First off: not enough Nastasya Fillipovna. It feels like she's described very frequently, by characters and the narrator in a way that demonstrates that she has a deep and interesting character. But her character choices after part one are repetitive and redundant, in a way that makes her character seem much more shallow than it was initially presented.

Secondly: Not enough Rogozhin. I love Rogozhin, he's my favorite character. He's so strange and interesting. I'm not sure I like how mysterious he is, like how he follows people around, but I think that's a personal opinion. (sidebar: everyone is taking the whole love question like it's life or death and I found that very silly *most of the time*) It seemed like he went to prison completely alone, which was really sad. There was something very lonesome about his sentence and him being sent off. There's something very lonesome about Rogozhin in general, despite his "band" of friends or whatever.

I suppose it was good for Dostoevsky to remind us that this whole time, Myshkin is not good nor morally righteous. I think him being "innocent", sickly and "cute" gave off the sense that he could do no wrong. And then he opened his mouth. First with the ranting about Catholics, which was hateful. And then he betrayed Aglaya. So it was a good reminder.

I'm so sad about the Aglaya thing. I didn't think I liked her as a character. Unlike Nastasya Fillipovna, who is presented with depth and proves to be somewhat shallow, Aglaya Ivanovna is presented as a shallow character (the pretty one, without any other virtues) and proceeds to be a very deep and complex character. The point being, I love Aglaya and I feel like she was mistreated, not only by Myshkin, but by her family as well. I don't think this is the Epanchins' fault, I think they were just trying to help and support her. I know Myshkin had better intentions, and he tried to make amends, but he was so committed to her, and he promised he was committed to her, and then essentially abandoned her at a critical moment. This was especially hard for Aglaya because she struggled with her feelings so much-- we can see that by how aloof she is, and how she constantly denies him. I don't necessarily think they should have gotten married, but the way she was treated wasn't fair. I think if Myshkin really was the pathetic little sick boy, who was unrelentingly submitted and in love with her as he presented, and as everyone thought he was, they could have been good together. I feel like we are made to believe, and the characters suggest, that prince Myshkin is shallow, hollow, and childish. In a sense, his character is merely babyish and cute, and his only weaknesses are his stupidity and his illness. But that isn't true. I don't think saying Myshkin has "a dark side" is an accurate description, but he definitely in a grown man, and a realistic human, who is flawed just as an adult man is.

Everyone seems to be running around screaming and then we have Varya and Ptitsyn. I love the normal couple who just decided they were fine being a normal couple. They're just regular people and I love that for them. Varya has such a level head with all this madness.

I thought the hedgehog bit was so funny. Of course Kolya showed up with a hedgehog, that's such a Kolya thing to do. And it wasn't even theirs. What happened to it after everything blew over? I don't know. A hedgehog.

I love Alexandra Ivanovna. She's so funny to me. She doesn't even want to get married. She's just chilling and she's so cute.

Ippolit attempted suicide and everybody said he faked it and did it for attention. That hurt my feelings.

The meaning of life... anyway

I was surprised by the murder, which seems silly in hindsight, given there's always murder. I was actually slightly disinterested through most of the main conflict, because the "who marries who?" didn't interest me. Anyway, that was sad too.

Rogozhin and Myshkin. Their interactions are so interesting. The tension between them is always so high. I love when they interact. I'm struggling to find words to describe it.

Back to Nastasya Fillipovna, I feel like they dropped a lot of her character development after part one. Even Totsky disappeared like it wasn't important.

Why does Lebedev insist that his infant child was born in lawful wedlock? No one asked him. Now it's suspicious.

I'm not sure I know what a "fancier of the female sex" is. Is that a womanizer? A male slut as it were? Because they ask Myshkin if he is one, and he says "no", and I was thinking "haha gay" or whatever. (I know that's not what he was referring to). Anyway, I just shrugged it off until the gathering at the Epanchin's where one of the guests was "a fancier of the female sex". Just wondering the difference between that and a typical heterosexual. I assume it refers to the extent... anyway, small detail, not particularly important.

Again, I wasn't necessarily invested in the tension over their romantic relationships. I haven't made it over to _The Idiot_ tumblr yet (I had tags filtered to prevent spoilers), so what I'm about to suggest is probably already there, and already well tread upon: Nastasya Fillipovna x Rogozhin x Myshkin. Yes, the three of them. I think it would be better if Aglaya stayed out of it. The three of them are a mess and I think they should be contained.

Wild how they made General Ivolgin a tragic character. That was interesting.

This one felt personal, I will say that. It definitely had things to say and... it said them. I think it reads as being very sensationalist, which makes sense because it's a commentary on sensationalism. *my interpretation. The idea of appearances, and not wanting to be "ordinary", but not wanting to be "eccentric" either. I did appreciate the "people will go out of their way to be 'not like other girls', even when they are like other girls. Case in point: Ganya" (inaccurate quote). It was also really a call-out.

I appreciate _The Idiot_, I definitely find it interesting. None of this is meant to read as "this book is bad" or "this character is bad", but more to share my opinion on reading the work and what I gleaned from it. I'll probably read it again. While I was reading it, I was having trouble concentrating, which has nothing to do with the novel itself, just that I may have missed something. I still like TBK and C&P better, because I find the topics more interesting. But yeah, still a good one.

[leaves-and-inks]

🥀EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN🥀

Howdy everyone! When I initially did the rough version of this in one of my classes, I knew I wanted to use craft paper. Problem is, I don’t have any at the moment, so I went with the next best thing; a paper bag! I’ve been working with some recycled/found materials in one of my design courses, it was fun to carry that over into my personal art too.

I’ve really been enjoying making traditional art in general lately, but specifically with brush pens and white ink. I just love how it looks on toned paper like this. This was a really fun visual style to explore too; I’ve been trying to strike a balance between being more expressive and being accurate and this was a great way to experiment with that! It was also interesting to see what animals I have more practice drawing; I didn’t reference the wolf at all and feel pretty okay about it, but when I tried sketching a deer from memory,, that definitely changed haha. I have plenty of paper bag left, should I do more of these? If so, what types of animals do you want to see?

[ID: A hand holding a black and white illustration on tan paper with uneven edges. behind it is a white tapestry with a pattern made up of illustrated green leaves, slightly out of focus. The illustration is a black wolf head glaring angrily at the viewer, looking up through its brow and its nose pointed down. It’s ears are pointed up and back, and it has wild long fur on its cheeks. it overlaps a white circle behind it. in a larger circle surrounding the wolf head are vines with roses, leaves, and thorns. the roses black, the petals drawn in in white. most of the thorns, vines, and leaves are colored in black, but some are just a white outline. the roses break out from a larger circle behind them and the wolf drawing, this one just bring a white outline. over top of the roses radiating out from the center of the wolf’s head are sketchy white lines. the paper is thin, and has a slight scaled pattern to it.

Image 2: cropped version of the previously described illustration. the photo goes to the edges of the page, and the illustration is centered. the radial lines on the top and bottom of the page are slightly cropped.

Image 3: zoom on the eyes of the wolf. details around the pupil are more apparent, along with fur and scrunch lines on the snout. some of the roses and vines are visible to the right side. the crop cuts off at the base of its ears, right before it’s nose, and the fur on the right side of its face.

Image 4: crop focusing on the roses and vines. details such as the thorns and leaves are more apparent. the wolf’s nose is also visible in the top left corner. the left most rose is slightly cropped, along with the ends of the sketchy, radial lines. /end ID]

[bashsbooks]

No Way, They Were Gay?: Hidden Lives and Secret Loves Book Review

★★☆☆☆ ~ 2 out of 5 stars

One of my favorite pastimes is wandering through the nonfiction section of my local libraries to see what we’re passing off as the truth these days. This is how I stumbled upon No Way, They Were Gay?: Hidden Lives and Secret Loves by Lee Wind, a book that immediately intrigued and exasperated me in equal measure when I saw pictures of Gandhi and Abraham Lincoln on the cover. Further compelled by the back blurb that makes the (in my opinion, accurate, but sorely misused in this instance) claim that history is not as simple as a rote statement of facts but more like a series of events and circumstances interpreted and reinterpreted by various people over time, each coming from their own specific contexts and biases and contributing those to their interpretations, I checked it out. 

No Way, They Were Gay? is broken into three broad sections: men who loved men, women who loved women, and people who lived outside the gender binary. It also contains a short introduction to terms and explains some of the choices that the author made when describing historical people - such as the wildly questionable choice to refer to Charley Pankhurst (who was assigned female at birth (AFAB) but lived as a man) and Anne Lister (who is a well-known and well-documented woman who loved women but had a butch gender presentation) with they/them pronouns. I was so taken aback by this particular choice that I kept track of the pronouns used for everyone mentioned in this book and was uncomfortable to find that they were only used for masculine-leaning people who were assigned female at birth - despite the presence of a nonbinary assigned male individual. 

I understand the complexities of trying to figure out what historical figures would have identified as and what they language they would’ve used if they lived in the modern world, but I find it uncomfortable to make assumptions that are clearly rooted in a combination of assigned sex and gender presentation; nonbinary people come in all combinations of these characteristics, and they use all kinds of pronouns. I am of the opinion that it is usually most respectful to use the pronouns for people that they used for themselves, if known. And I feel that we know what Pankhurst and Lister used for themselves. 

I go in-depth about this pronoun issue not just because I care about this on a personal level (though, obviously, I do), but because it is indicative of just how pervasive and stark Wind’s biases are throughout the course of this book. Clearly, he thinks they/them pronouns are for masc AFABs. He also presents very cherry-picked evidence for his arguments about a few famous and well-documented individuals being gay - such as Abraham Lincoln. I don’t have a strong opinion on Lincoln’s sexuality, but what I do have a strong opinion on is the choice to present a friendship between two men that met the platonic standard of the time as inherently “gay” (with the strong implication here of “gay” being synonymous with a romantic relationship) while simultaneously being dismissive of/barely getting into the men’s relationships to their wives. 

This is extremely frustrating because this book covers actual historically important queer people, too, so you have to weed through the author’s fringe theories about Lincoln alongside actual facts about Bayard Rustin and Christine Jorgensen’s lives. And I want children to learn about Rustin and Jorgensen and dozens of other important queer people, but I don’t want them to learn about someone who is incredibly biased at best and incredibly sloppy and rude to certain portions of the community at worst. And additionally, because I can't trust this book, I don't know how accurate portions of it that cover individuals and topics I'm less familiar with (such as two-spirit identities or the nature of relationships between Mosotho women) are.

That is why, although I found most of the book more or less surface-level accurate, I cannot recommend it in good faith. I give it 2 out of 5 stars. Yes, it could be a basic starting point, but it’s misleading and not fully-fleshed out - look, the intended audience is children, not idiots. You can explain more complexity than this to fifth graders, and frankly, you should. This book is an attempt at validating historical queer existence that falls so embarrassingly flat because it was trying to do too much with too little information. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. There is no need to feed into this conspiracy theory that historians are hiding queer people from us when the truth is more complicated than that. There is no need to claim someone so well-known and studied is queer, when we really don’t know, just so kids recognize the name and pick up the book. They can learn a new name. In my experience, they’re generally more interested in learning about new people than adults are. 

[shastafirecracker]

4, 6, 17, 20?

oooh well this got long so I'll do a break to save everyone's dashes

4 a sentence or paragraph that you’re proud of oh man, I’m proud of a lot of what I’ve written, especially lately. I feel like a lot of the stuff that hits hardest only hits right within its larger context. I love a sucker punch sentence after a long, slow buildup. I was really happy with the bit with Nick walking into the lake at the end of “don’t stop if I fall”:

It felt so strange, but also like a need as primal as human touch being met for the first time after an eon of starvation. His whole body was a raw burn and the water that rose up around him was a cool compress. His hands, cracked and callused from a lifetime of abuse, drank up the moisture and grew soft. He kept walking.

I mean, how bizarre would it feel to have never been submerged in water? if your only contact with water had ever been via sinks and showers and maybe a tepid, cramped bath?

I’m really proud of a lot of my comedy moments, too. I think my comedic pacing and timing has gotten better over the years and I’ve always loved to write banter. But I think I’ve gotten better at structural comedy via the narrative also, not just funny dialogue, particularly for characters who would not say funny dialogue - like in “I’ve seen all the demons that you got”:

Vash came back into the shop stinking of cigarettes[…] Knives sprayed him with air freshener and retreated to his office while Vash spluttered. […] he told Vash where he was going, and Vash's eyebrows did a little dance. Knives was sorry he didn't still have the can of air freshener.

6 what character do you have the most fun writing? ok there’s recency bias happening here obviously, but I fucking love writing Zazie. they’re so fun. y'all won’t know why I’ve had so much fun with them until November but it’s just refreshing to write a chaos gremlin who doesn’t have baggage, lol.

17 do you think that readers perceive your work differently to you? what do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or motivations? until fairly recently I would have said that readers would be surprised to know that I’m asexual but then I found out that apparently aces who write smut are, like, the backbone of society XD but seriously, my go-to answer for “why does someone who doesn’t want to have sex write about sex” is just why would someone who doesn’t want to go to space write about going to space. why would someone who doesn’t want to commit a murder write a murder. stares directly at the stupidly massive quantity of speculative fiction ever written and then looks into the camera.

other than that uhhhh I have no idea? a few times I have had readers leave reviews like “oh wow, you must have experienced [thing] because you describe it so accurately” and I take that as a huge compliment because it means I’m a very good study of human character and psychology. but no, to those specific commenters in the past, I have not been a member of a cult, grown up on a farm and/or killed chickens to cook, nor had any transcendent group sex. thanks for thinking my life is that exciting tho! <3

20 tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble about (symbolism, character or relationship development, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes) ok there’s a big one in the big bang fic that I can’t talk about yet but I HOPE people see what I did there. and are just like “I see what you did there”

yes I love these!!! generally it’s wordplay or symbolic references that I just don’t know if anyone picked up on because no one said it in any comments… argh I’m struggling to think of a lot right now but in “I’ve seen all the demons that you’ve got” I really hoped that when I used the phrase “dose makes the poison” that people connected that all the way through Knives’ past work refining ricin and him having been dosed with ketamine (which is, like, a legitimate and important medication but the dosage is SO important)… ummmm also in “don’t stop if I fall” there’s just so many. I hope people grokked every usage of the lyric that the title came from - every time the words “don’t stop” were used in that fic it was very deliberate (including the extremely dubious consent sex scene).

one small one in that same fic that I hope someone/anyone caught was this sentence: “He remembered this ground like an old friend, this stained glass landscape.” because Wolfwood remembers the grounds of the orphanage as stained (with his own blood, with the attempts to water the seedlings when he was a kid), and because the ground is glass (sand, silicate) and therefore contains no nutrients, and because of the obvious religious connotation (but which doubles back on the other two as meaning, you know, a bright thing with no substance). I was happy with that sentence.

a bit of a character note that I cling to at all costs is that if I’m writing something post-canon, any version of canon, even my own AUs’ iterations of “canon,” then Vash WILL miss Knives and grieve him constantly. and he’ll feel a lot of guilt about feeling like he shouldn’t grieve Knives, shouldn’t be allowed to feel grief because Knives was so “evil” and Vash “won” and blah blah blah, and that every time someone celebrates the world not ending it is another twist to the knife in his guts. look up pyrrhic victory in the dictionary there’s a mugshot of vash. it just matters to me to always be clear that vash is not actually okay with how it all shook out in the end.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Hey, so I saw this post screenshotted on Twitter and being discussed among some Jikookers who are not fond of Tae and I realized something. I think your a safe space for the Jikookers who don’t like Tae but don’t want to publicly mingle with known fandom ‘Tae antis’ or criticize him in a way that would get them cancelled. I know you aren’t a shipping blog and your reasons for not liking Tae are not exactly the same as theirs but I feel like there are these in between Jikookers (they wouldn’t fit in with full blown Tae antis but they are not OT7 either) who find some relief in your blog. Most Jikook blogs here are OT7 and would never tolerate any negative asks about Tae so it seems to me like they’ve found some form of comfort in your words because your blog is not labelled as an anti but at the same time you have no issue sharing your strong opinions on things you don’t like about the boys. I don’t know if I’m making any sense but I’m trying to say that even though you aren’t a shipping blog, many Jikookers seem to be attracted to your blog because you speak favourably about Jimin and Jungkook, you sometimes entertain carefully worded shipping asks, you sometimes clown Taekookers and you aren’t afraid to speak negatively on Tae, all this without being seen as an anti by the vast majority of people on Tumblr. This is basically what the Jikookers I saw on Twitter were saying about your blog.

Please don't get this the wrong way, I'm aware of what the internet is capable of doing in online discourse, but my blog is not a safe space. That term was coined for minorities who actually need it. Sharing some opinions about BTS does not require a safe space. I just want to be clear from the start. I fully understand what you actually mean, but before we're going further, it's best to establish accurately what this place is.

I am aware jikook shipping blogs follow me and I guess some twitter jikookers pay attention. I see the thumbnail photo. I don't think they are a majority, but since I do talk about JM and JK (even from a non-shipping perspective), my posts are in their area of interest, so to speak. Do I know what each and everyone believes about the BTS members and Tae? Nope. I don't check, I don't care. I've said it before, everyone is welcomed here as long as they act reasonable within the parameters of this fandom.

Your description of how my blog is regarded is something that I don't think about. I have no idea what reach it has, let alone to those on twitter. I run a small blog. Definitely smaller than the shipping ones. I see the numbers in notes. I am nowhere near that and that's fine for me. More than fine, actually. With the type of platform such as tumblr, is difficult to know exactly where one is situated within a specific space. All that you described is new to me. I had no idea. And I also thought I'm some certified anti anyway, so I can do and say what I want.

I've been seeing bts related blogs long before I made this one. And I know the ot7 jikook shipping blogs. It's hard not to come across them when my focus has always been on JM and JK. I know they don't tolerate any sort of negative talk. That's their policy and their own space. I don't subscribe to that mentality, but that's me. I believe that being open and more truthful is better. Some of them are actual ot7s, while others not so much. But when you have a high engagement, you don't wanna lose that. Tumblr may not show the number of followers, but if you look at the notes, you can easily figure out the type of influence they have. The space is sort of monopolized, compared to what I used to see in early 2020. A lot has changed. So I can see why others use my blog to talk openly because I allow that. I don't tell people what to think. I want them to do that for themselves. And I don't discriminate instantly. I had perfectly reasonable talks with RM fans, Tae lovers, taekookers, yoonminers, jikookers. I've been blocked by jikookers and called out by pjms and jjks at the same time, which is so ironic.

All in all, we should remember that at the end of the day, we're nothing but a bunch of fans talking daily about men. It's enough coming to terms about that, fighting over it is next level waste of time.

P.S. I still want to know that twitter account though 😊

[we-pay-for-everything]

I keep thinking about the great TVD discussions you've been having this week and have to tell you that you're doing a public service! Holidays are a tough time for a lot of us, and you're allowing us to focus on fun stuff like TVD ship/character analysis rather than the grim aspects of real life. I was thinking about why I too prefer Cordelia to Caroline by a smidge, and it's weird because I LOVE Caroline and can definitely relate more to the "insecure neurotic" type (as she accurately describes herself) than Cordy. But like you I love Charisma and how she makes Cordelia lovable and sometimes even vulnerable underneath the snippy mean girl exterior. And there's also the fact that Cordy is such an independent thinker, truly her own person. Like, yes, she enjoys being popular and at times wants to be 'famous', but her choices even back in high school and certainly afterwards reflect that she very much has her own mind and will blaze her own trail rather than ever pandering to others or giving a damn what others think. She opts to date Xander despite the fact that it will destroy her high school friendships and overall status, she constantly foregoes even trying to lead a glamorous LA lifestyle in favor of risking her own safety to help innocents in dingy areas of the city, she'll always make the choice to do something with purpose that helps people over just frivolous fun. Not saying that some of this doesn't apply to Caroline too, but Cordelia's excessive confidence - while not something I relate to, lol - also results in her being more brave, assertive and independent minded than almost any character ever, and I just admire that about her so much.

Oh, I wasn't expecting that! I know the holidays can suck, but I wasn't expecting for my replies to help anyone. That's so sweet :) I'm happy to help! My holidays suck too, but right now I'm not truly on a break.

I've never thought of Cordelia that way, as a trailblazer. I guess that since all the characters put their lives on the line to fight monsters, she just doesn't stand out to me. I don't see her as being braver or more independent-minded than the other Buffyverse characters. Maybe Xander and Willow were used to being unpopular, but they sacrificed a lot of normal experiences too, and Cordelia was too poor to have a glamorous lifestyle in LA. She's definitely brave, but she showed in season 1 that she cared about appearances too. Although she changed, she just became like everyone else who sacrificed their future to a good cause. It might seem like a bigger deal with Cordelia because everyone else came from "nothing" (Wes, Fred, Xander), but, in the end, Cordelia had nothing too - unlike Gunn, who sacrificed his friendships to join A.I, and Lorne, who left behind an actually semi-glamorous lifestyle.

But it's true that Cordelia's confidence results in her fighting for herself and putting her foot down many times, which is a good thing. I think Caroline was confident and had to make sacrifices in her life as well, though maybe not as many as Cordelia. That was sort of the difference between AtS and TVD though - the Angel gang sought out danger while, in TVD, danger found them.

I don't know, I have a weird relationship with Cordelia! Overall, I like Caroline better. My love/hate relationship with her is mostly love except in season 4 and in some scenes with Stefan. I love Cordelia more though because of CC and because I love Angel the most.

Thanks for the ask and for your kind words! You're making my days better too :) Tumblr is honestly the only place where I feel valued and like my opinion means anything. Apart from my mom, real life makes me feel inadequate and dumb (she does too sometimes), but here I feel smart and like I fit in, so thanks <3

[solarsavoy]

May I ask 2 and 28 for Panko, and 10 and 28 for Deshi?

Absolutely! Thanks for asking about my OCs. ^^

2 - When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)

Panko: So, I've always found her quirky and entertaining, and she definitely has a special place in my heart because of how nice she is to Deshi, and I relate to her a lot too, but I don't think I really started liking her until much much later. It's kind of a spoiler to describe the scenes or events that made me start to appreciate her, but I think I really started to like her after I wrote the first three books I wrote (not to be confused with after the first three fragments). She flat out smacked a person and started pummeling them, with magic strength boosters, while nearly crying, and basically told everybody to stop being stupid. XD This is very vague for a reason, but I didn't really feel her as a character until that point. That might sound a bit harsh, but she was just sort of a fill-in that I knew had a personality, but she wasn't real until that moment. Even then, she kind of slips in and out of my mind. It's hard to... "be her" when I'm writing, and if I can't tune into them, I'll always feel kind of disconnected, which affect how I feel about them. It's probably why I've never written anything through her POV to be honest.

10 - Describe the character in one sentence

Deshi: Bitter old man in an awkward teenage body who loves videogames and just wants to be left alone.

28 - The most unnecessary thing they ever did?

Panko: It's hard to say because she does everything with purpose and enjoys every moment. That, and everything she does is necessary, whether it's necessary for her or someone else, so... hard to say. Part of that probably stems from that whole family tragedy that could've been avoided if she hadn't sat there and done nothing, so now she just makes sure she never stops. Anyway, it wasn't unnecessary, but we'll say that her going into the Mountain Temple as often as she does just for some alone time is pretty unnecessary, but then of course Deshi would've died a long time ago, so it wasn't unnecessary to everyone.

Deshi: So, the first thing that came to mind was "the most unnecessary thing he ever did was exist", which is super morbid and I don't actually feel that way, but... it kind of makes sense after you read Third Fragment (referring to the events in Second Fragment). And then even more sense when you put all the pieces together in the Fifth Fragment. So horribly, it's kind of accurate. 😅 But probably not in the way you're thinking. Or maybe it is, but we'll have to get to the Fifth Fragment before that's confirmed or denied, won't we.

Thanks again for the ask, and about my OCs too! I'm always happy and excited to talk about my OCs. ^^ Thanks magicalflyingfish!