#i get myself an ice cream as a reward after work

[the-kipsabian]

why do i have to do work first and only then i can have ice cream and write self indulgent trash? :(

[ssavaart]

Sometimes You Have to Make 100 BAD Drawings To Get 1 GOOD One

(Earlier this year, a publisher asked me if I'd be interested in writing a book on art. As we discussed it... they asked me to "give it a try" and this is one of two tests I did. I don't consider myself a writer, really, so this is just "in my own voice". I wound up turning down the offer... but would love to know your thoughts on this. Thanks)

Drawing something good. Something you like. It’s… elusive. Especially when you’re just starting out.

But, here’s the thing. You have good art in you. I promise. You just have to get to it and it’s stuck under a bunch of bad art. Really bad art.

When I was younger, I would draw every day. Filling up sketchbooks with doodles and sketches and I hated ALL of them.

Page 01: Crap

Page 02: Crap

Page 03: Crap

Page 04: Worse than Crap

Page 05: What even is that?

Page 06: Ugh

And it was just downhill from there…

But… somewhere around like page 100… I made something that… “wasn’t crap”. I actually didn’t hate it.

And that gave me courage to keep going. That one drawing made it all worth it. I was cured. I was now an expert. All of my art would be great from now on.

Oh… if only.

The next drawing was worse than any other drawing before it.

How??? I just made ART! like 5 minutes before that. I got all the bad drawings out! How did my art just go from Van Gogh to Van NO???

Honestly? I… got lucky. That one good drawing? Total fluke. Dumb luck. Sheer Happenstance.

Doing 100 drawings didn’t suddenly make me an expert. It couldn’t.

Have you ever heard of the saying “If a million monkeys type on a million typewriters for a million years, they’ll eventually write Shakespeare”?

I was those monkeys and that drawing was my Shakespeare.

I just pooped out enough bad art that eventually sheer luck was going to mean I may make something really good.

And I’m TOTALLY okay with that. I was 11. I’m not a prodigy. I don’t have any special gifts. But what I did have was… a taste for how making good art felt.

Seeing that one good drawing made me want more. Like my first time tasting chocolate ice cream. I was hooked.

So, I made 100 more bad drawings. Maybe more. And, guess what? ANOTHER great drawing emerged!

Another Shakespeare from this 11 year old monkey!!!! Huzzah!

From then on… I knew that all I had to do was keep banging away at that typewriter (I’m still on the million monkey thing… bear with me) and I would get rewarded with another masterpiece.

Week after week. Month after month. I would fill up my sketchbooks with the most horrific, amateurish, incomprehensible art… and, sure enough, 1 of every 100 drawings would not suck.

I would show it to my mom and she would say “Oh! That’s wonderful!” and when she tried to turn the pages to see more, I would quickly SNATCH it out of her hands and run back into the shadows like Gollum hiding his “Precious” from prying eyes.

I dare not let her see the monstrosities that came before the work of genius.

And… this went on. For years. Predictably. Rhythmically.

Until, one day… my 75th drawing was really good.

How? It was 25 drawings early! That’s not how it was supposed to work. That wasn’t the plan.

But there it was. A really amazing drawing of a spaceship I came up with out of my head. It had lasers and a cockpit and wings and…It was glorious. And it was totally unexpected.

Maybe NOW I was an expert and I no longer needed to make bad art? Would today be the day I would only make masterpieces?

I quickly turned the page and began to draw what would soon be my second greatest work of art and… NOPE.

Still crap.

Hm. But… something was different. It was still crap. But… it wasn’t as “crappy” as the other crap.

I grabbed my previous sketchbooks and looked at the bad drawings from previous years and… guess what? My older bad drawings were WORSE than my newer bad drawings!

Apparently, the more I drew… the better my BAD drawings got too.   

Okay. So. I drew 75 more “not as crappy” bad drawings and… predictably… I made another great drawing!

I was… IMPROVING.

This went on for years. I went to high school. Then art school. I hated MOST of my art… but as I practiced… the number of BAD art I had to make to get to the GOOD art got lower and lower. Soon it was 50 bad pieces for 1 good one. Then 25. Then 10.

It took decades when I noticed… I liked my art more often than not.

It was a complete surprise. I was in my 40’s when this happened. I was SO conditioned to just accept I was going to hate my art that I hadn’t noticed that I had made 5 paintings that didn’t suck. IN A ROW!!!

Unheard of!

But, there it was. 5 good paintings. One right after the other.

The 6th one was complete trash. Tossed it in the garbage.

But, the 7th one? I liked. And the 8th. And the 9th.

I’m now 54 and I know I still have SO much bad art in me. I can feel it. Always ready to pop up and ruin my day.

But, I “pooped out” so much bad art over the years that I’m not really worried about those pop up bad art surprises. I know it’s just temporary.

I like my art now. And that’s because I got MOST of the bad art out of me and into those old sketchbooks.

I know it may seem daunting doing 100 bad drawings just to get to 1 good one. But… if you love that feeling of making that one GOOD piece of art… you need to be patient and get the bad ones out. They’re blocking the good ones. Keeping them deep inside you.

So, crack open that sketchbook. Poop out those bad pieces of art and never look back.

You’ll thank me in like 40 years or so. I promise.

(Oh. And sorry for all the poop references. I’m still that 11 year old when it comes to humor)

Poop.

[arminsumi]

Could you pls pls pls write a fluffy oneshot of gojo and his fav student? The colour hair dye and the ice cream oneshots have never left my mind 🤭😭

CALL ME SATORU

↳ GOJO さとる + fem!reader

An evening training session with Gojo and his favorite student, ending as a lavish dinner date.

1k

Note : aaa i hope u like this!! hehe so giddy to know my fics are in ur mind 🤭💗 thank u for enjoying them

Mentioned posts : hair dye fic / sweet tooth

Warnings : teacher/student relationship, romantic tension

Playme : heaven and back

🍒 More from Jay : Gojo works / Gojo fave works / JJK works / oct. reqs open

"Gojo-sensei, I'm tired. We've been practicing for two hours." he listened to you complain, and shook his head.

"Tired? Nah. On your feet, let's go through that motion again. C'mon, up up up — what, do I have to pick you up myself?"

His arms hooked around you and he pressed his chest flat to yours while hoisting you up. Few things get his heart racing, but teaching you martial arts? He may seem very composed, but his heart throbs each time he sees you acting clumsy and amateur.

You had such a long way to go, and he wanted to see these days through until you were just as good if not better than him. Even if it was impossible. He still wanted his favorite student to be considered the second-strongest, at least in hand-to-hand combat.

"Ow, my knee..." you mumbled half-heartedly.

"Don't be a weakling." he smiled cheekily, "Is my star student really too tired to continue? Is a bruised knee really gonna stop you?"

You pouted. "You're the one who bruised my knee..."

Look at that adorable pout. She's taking after me.

"Well, maybe you shoulda dodged it." he cheeked.

"Gojo-sensei, you push me too hard." you said.

"I know, I'm sorry." he smiled.

The two of you finally sat down for a break. Night had fallen, stars were up in the blackened sky. There must have been a cricket in the wood panel of the door Gojo leaned against, because he heard it very loudly in his ear. So he scooted away from the noise and moved closer to you, unaware of how the increased proximity made you buzz.

You and him shared a thoughtful silence. Then his voice penetrated deep and low, his tone serious.

"I push you so hard because I want you to become the strongest."

"Why?"

"Uh, haha... do you want me to answer that as Satoru or as your teacher?"

"...? Huh? Hm... um... I want both versions of your answer."

"Well... as your teacher... I want you to be able to fight for future generations and pass on your skills."

"And... as Satoru...?"

He hesitated, then slowly answered;

"So I don't have to be the strongest all by myself."

He looked at you with a sheepish smile.

"Selfish, huh?"

"It's okay to be selfish to an extent. I hardly ever see you doing anything for yourself."

The crickets continued making louder symphonies.

"Sato— ahm, Gojo-sensei. I will try my best to fill the role you want me to fill. I don't want you to feel alone."

"... I know it's an overwhelming role, I don't really have the right to push this on y—"

"—I will do it for you because I love you."

"What?"

"What?"

"Respect, I meant respect!" you backtracked.

"Hahaha, sure."

"..."

"... love you too." he winked.

"Shut up!"

"What, I can't tell my favorite student that I love her back?!" he teased.

"Th-that's inappropriate, haha."

"But you just told your teacher you love him. That was also inappropriate."

"I— yeah! Well!"

He stared at you for a long, long moment, absorbing the weight of your I love you that lingered in the air between you and him.

"Alright. Let's wrap up practice for the night."

"Really! God... I thought you were gonna make me do the whole thing again out of spite for saying something inappropriate."

He winked, "No, I'll reprimand you tomorrow for that. Come on. We're going out."

"We're going out...? Are you taking me out as your favorite student, or are you taking me out as me?"

He smirked. "Both... I think my favorite student deserves a good reward after practicing so hard today, but I also just... want to selfishly take you out on a date."

Gojo spoiled you on this night out. Really spoiled you. Bought you a dress, put on his best suit ditched his blindfold, took you to one of the most expensive restaurants that he knew of. Indulged in your company not as his student, but as someone he wanted to get to know... someone maybe he was interested in.

He leaned over the table to fluster you with teasingly close proximity, and straightened out his tie because he was sorely aware of how attractive his hands looked when he did that.

"Go on, don't be shy. Tell me about yourself."

"But you already know me."

"I don't know enough." he shook his head.

"Well... I'm lost... I don't know where to start." you chuckled, staring down at your cleared plate of dessert. It was rich and sweet, he said it was his favorite.

"Then I'll ask." he looked at you, and leaned over the table with one elbow, resting his chin on the back of his palm. "What's your love life looking like at the moment?"

You let out a laugh at this, which he half-expected.

"Well, I'm on a date with my teacher..." you said, jokingly.

He chuckled.

"Tell me." he then said seriously, "I want to know."

"Well... my love life is pretty... unsaturated...?"

"Unsaturated...?" he raised a brow. "What do you mean by that?"

"Dull. I mean it's dull. Any time I develop romantic feelings for someone... well they drain out just as quickly as they flood in." you admitted.

He looked at you contemplatively.

"Is that so..."

"Ahah, you seem surprised."

"I am. I thought you'd have a more glamorous love life, like me." he joked.

"Oh? I'm all ears, Gojo-sensei."

He looked at you deeply, "Call me Satoru." he murmured under his breath.

Your heart panged.

"... anyways, uh... haha. Yeah... my glamorous love life... I've been on two dates in my life including this one."

"Just two?!"

He nodded. "The first one doesn't really count, because I was fourteen and it was a boyish crush."

"... so... this one counts...?"

"Well, yes." he said, "Of course it does. This is not a boyish crush, after all..."

You and him stared at each other for a long, tender moment. Got lost in each other's worlds, which were contained in those irises. Suddenly understood each other's deep feelings, revealed by those dilated pupils.

Dilated...?

Yes his pupils always dilated for you, but you never noticed before with that strip of black having concealed his eyes.

"Gojo—?"

"—Just call me Satoru already." he overlapped his hand with yours, both resting midway on the table.

"Why?" you asked. "Why do you want me to call you that?"

He hesitated, wondering if you were asking that rhetorically. The restaurant was dim, the environment slow and luxurious, fancy, expensive... heavenly golden hue, casting over you and him.

"... because I want to hear you calling out my name."

© arminsumi

Do not plagiarize / repost / translate / copy layouts / etc.

Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.

[songmingisthighs]

Wanbelyn

introduction pt. i | pt. ii | pt. iii

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ch. lxx - good girl

neurosurgeon!hongjoong × reader

buy me coffee ?

where love and peace is held, i never expected for this to happen. i planned and i planned, i expected, and i hoped, but it was never you. you held what i wanted hostage to make room for you, the thing that i needed but has no means of acceptance. deny me, live your best life.

At this point, you found yourself in somewhat of a choreographed dance with the father and son duo manoeuvring the child in question. Usually, you would have to move quickly between taking Kijoong's things out of the car and making sure that he wouldn't make a run for it, even going as far as installing a car seat, iPad holder, and small containers of cereal and snacks, effectively turning your car into a mom car. Now, you simply needed to focus on Kijoong because Hongjoong would instinctively take your bag and any of Kijoong's belongings with him. Then, the two of you would basically lock Kijoong's hands in each of yours and making sure that Kijoong wouldn't have any means of escaping or running away as your bodies would block his sides.

You both call it "inmate transfer" and others pointed out that it's actually called "the family hold". You both were confident that "inmate transfer" is correct.

"I think I stuffed myself stupid," Hongjoong huffed, taking a moment to readjust his pants before resuming the walk back to the elevator from his dedicated parking spot. You couldn't help but snicker in amusement at the way he was so comfortable with you, totally different from the person you first knew less than three months ago. "I told you not to get a second plate, Joong, this is all on you," you teased which caused Kijoong to chirp, "Yeah, Joong," he teased, sticking his tongue out at his dad. Hongjoong squinted his eyes at the two of you, "Hey, I finished my main course, I EARN that dessert. And you had some, (y/n), you can't talk shit about my decision," he huffed before crouching down to Kijoong's height, "And that's daddy to you, mister," he said, poking Kijoong's nose.

Teasingly, you raised an eyebrow at Hongjoong, "You asked me to spend my day off with you and Kijoong, I think I reserve the right to call you out for eating a plate of two waffles drenched in maple syrup and ice cream after finishing a whole ass pasta by yourself. And while we're on the subject, who eats carbonara at 10 am?" "Yeah, Joong, who?" Kijoong teased again, this time drawling to poke fun at his dad even more. "A hungry man using food as a reward for a week of hard work," he said in a mocking tone, causing you to raise an eyebrow, "So is this your way of telling me that I've done a good job?" you teased.

"Do you think you've done a good job?"

Suddenly there was a wave of seriousness over the two of you (Kijoong was blissfully unaware, of course, what with kicking pebbles around as he held onto your hands). You momentarily stop in your steps to look at Hongjoong, "What?" Hongjoong stopped in his tracks as well to look back at you, "Do you think you've done a good job so far? Are you satisfied? Are you happy working here?" Already had a feeling that the discussion was coming, you wasted no time in going straight to the point, "Is this about my employment ending?" Hongjoong was kind of glad that you brought it up first as he didn't really know how to say those exact words (In all honesty, Hongjoong didn't know how to say a lot of things to you but one conversation at a time). "Kind of, yeah," Hongjoong confirmed.

For a moment, you pursed your lips and resorted to continuing your walk to the elevator as Kijoong, still in his own world, tried to get you to kick the pebbles with him.

Feeling obligated to explain, Hongjoong opened his mouth again, "I should clarify, I'm not asking you because I'm reviewing your work or anything. In fact, I just want to know if you're happy which I think is the biggest factor in sticking with a job." You could tell that he was trying his best to not be confrontational and your lack of answer would soon make him cry. "Good because if that was your way of firing me after all that we have been through, I would be so pissed, I'd actually give Kijoong back his toy gun." Hearing his name and toy, Kijoong perked up and started jumping excitedly, "MY GUN!?" he exclaimed, hopeful but you immediately shot it down, patting his head with your free hand, "No sweetie, and please don't interrupt your daddy and I are talking."

Relieved, Hongjoong chuckled and shook his head, "At this point, it would make more sense if you leave in the middle of the night and move away to Antarctica or something. But I know you wouldn't," "Hey, I might," you pointed out, rolling your eyes, "Push my buttons enough times and I'll pull a disappearing act so fantastic, it would get Best Performance award at the Grammys or something." Hongjoong's eyes widened, thinking that you were serious, "What, you mean to tell me that you'd consider leaving us?" there was a slight panic in his voice that made you crack out rather loudly, "Oh my God, Joong, calm down! I was just joking! You know I love working with you and I'll be honest, I'm kind of attached to the cutie pies of apartment 801 so it would take a lot for me to not want to continue working with you," you said lightheartedly, pinching Kijoong's cheek affectionately.

It was only when you both stepped inside the elevator that Hongjoong realized what you just said. "Wait, did you just say 'cuties'? As in plural?" Confusedly, you raised an eyebrow at him, "Um, yeah? Why do you think I keep feeding you? You're basically Kijoong-sized XL and I love the boy to bits," this time, you couldn't help but scoop Kijoong into your arms and blew a raspberry on his cheek, making him giggle from the ticklish feeling. There was a mix of feelings that surged through Hongjoong's body and he couldn't pinpoint on the cause as the giddiness was so palpable he could taste it at the tip of his tongue. The sheer feeling rendered him speechless and he could only find his voice when the elevator door opened and the three of you stepped out.

"So... You love me?"

In all fairness, Hongjoong meant that as a joke. Or so he said. He so totally doesn't lowkey hope that you'd say yes. But he was totally expecting you to roll your eyes and call him stupid.

The last thing he expected was for you to step closer to him, nudge his hip with yours and grin, "What do you think, Joong? What do your own feelings tell you?"

A sudden wave of excitement-induced nausea washed over Hongjoong, his body forcing his brain to prepare to have the talk. The one talk he knew he had to have with you considering the revelation he made (through Seonghwa pointing it out but he was not about to give his friend the credit).

You saw that his brain was trying to connect the dots and it was entertaining, to say the least. But at that moment, it dawned on you that you had just opened the door to a conversation you had only planned to have but even that plan was not solid. So to feign being coy, you took quick steps to get to Hongjoong's apartment first. "Hey!" Hongjoong exclaimed when he realized that you had taken off on him and he followed suit. While the distance from the elevator to this unit was not long, he caught up with you quick but it was because you had stopped in your tracks in the middle of the hallway, eyes trailed forward which caused him to look in the same direction.

It was like seeing a ghost. Well, a ghost from his past. Because out of all the moments in the timeline of his life, he would never have expected to see the person he was seeing. Not after what happened in the past.

"Minhee?" he called out.

Minhee, his ex, pushed her body off of the door and smiled gently, eyes looking over to Hongjoong before it settled on you and then on the boy who looked at her confusedly, not knowing who she was but he was intuitive enough to sense that there was something going on. You took notice of this when Kijoong suddenly turned around and clung on your body, refusing to look at his birth mother.

You, on the other hand, couldn't help but stare at her. She looked like the pictures you had caught glimpses of when you were cleaning but... Happier. She looked pretty and well-kept, exactly like how a young lady from a respected family should what with her all-white get-up and expensive bag. The nasty side of your brain immediately made comparisons and you came to the conclusion that you and her were vastly different and though momentarily, the thought of her being the kind of person that made Hongjoong commit flashed, leaving a nasty remnant that felt itchy.

"Well, aren't you going to let an old friend in?" she smiled.

Hell, even her voice sounded nice.

How were you going to fare?

network:

@cultofdionysusnet @sandsofire @kflixnet

taglist :

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[tgandc]

things i’ve learned in 14 years of ed life and need to remind myself every once and awhile: (really it’s been almost 18, but the most severe years were between the ages of 14-28)

1. don’t set a date to lose weight by. you’ll sabotage yourself. instead, set a goal weight, and a plan to meet that goal, and give yourself time to meet it.

2. don’t punish yourself for slipping and eating. you’re human. you need food to survive. you’re starving yourself. you’re going to break your fast one day. or “forget” you’re restricting one day because you saw something that looked sooo damn good and you ate it without even realizing. you’re going to go over your calorie limit once and awhile. you’re going to binge. it’s inevitable.

3. learn how to curb the binges. just cause you start, doesn’t mean it’s too late to stop. if you eat 100 calories, don’t turn it into 1000. you can burn off the extra 100-500cals way easier than 5000.

4. learn your triggers. avoid them.

5. just exercising doesn’t work well. just starving yourself doesn’t work well. you need to restrict AND work out. seriously. the results are in and i just lost 35lbs in 3 months. like my drs MA that weighed me saw the red line and exclamation mark that i’d lost 20% of my body weight in 3 months and she flipped out. my weight loss has slowed a little the last 2-3 weeks and it’s 100% because i stopped exercising as much when school started. i usually walk 3 miles every morning on the track after i drop my son off at daycare. it’s my lifeline. if i don’t walk the track every morning now i get super pissy, shit gets bad, and i either gain weight or plateau. restricting and working out work wayyyy better if you do them together.

6. drink water! i know everyone says this. but everyone says this for a reason. it keeps your tummy full so you eat less food, it helps flush everything out, it helps keep your digestive system running, it helps keep your face clear, it helps keep the headaches down, it helps you lose weight… water is just super good for you and you should drink it. but don’t drink too much. if you dilute your body too much, you can kill yourself. literally. if you drink too much water (e.g. 2-3 gallons in under an hour) you’ll die. so don’t drink that much. but, ya know… a gallon, or a gallon and a half spread out over a day is good.

7. allow yourself a treat every once and awhile. not a binge. not an unhealthy treat. it doesn’t even have to be a food treat. but give in once and awhile. get your nails done, take a fun class, make something, draw something, have an ice cream cone. do give yourself the opportunity to indulge in something. or else you become bitter and resentful.

8. once a week, up your calories by at least 200-500. it’ll kickstart your metabolism and you’ll lose weight faster. just don’t keep up the higher calorie count for more than ONE DAY or you’ll start gaining again. but one of those days every couple weeks is great to avoid a plateau.

9. when your clothes start getting really baggy, buy a smaller size. there’s nothing quite as rewarding as going from a large to a small. i just made the switch a few weeks ago and it’s amazing.

10. feel your b0ne3. rub your hands over your r1b3, your h1pb0n3s, your c0llarb0n3s look at your thigh gap.. get on tumblr, look at th1nsp0, it’ll keep you motivated.

11. take lots of pictures. it’s great to look back and see the progression from fat and gross to being skinny and beautiful 🥰

12. stay safe ♥️

all pics in this post are me ☺️

[tubatudiaries]

HAPPY ACCIDENTS:)

Genre:- fluff

F!reader x idol!Beomgyu

an:- this is once again a drabble for all the hopeless romantics including myself the longer version will be posted very soon on my Instagram account :- tubatudiaries ; I got inspired by "our summer" By TXT the vibes of that song hit different; hope y'all will enjoy it <3

"Ughh, I hate my life, these assignments don't want to get over!" y/n yelled at a her laptop frustratedly then looking at her watch , it displayed time 5:53 and a notification of a new post on Instagram by her friend. She clicked on notification only to see the most gut wrenching photo of her friend kissing her boyfriend and if that wasn't enough another slide of her smothering him with kisses. Disgust was reflected on her face clearly, but at the same time she was happy for her friend. She was pretty like a kpop idol, and always had been the popular girl of her school.

Thinking about it, y/n opened camera app on her phone (the worst idea to ever exist) within a fourth of a second she closed the app and threw her phone to the side " Nah this is definitely not it"

She was already insecure about her looks since ages and then the hope of being loved completely died within her, of course her family and friends loved her, but we all need that someone who loves us like no one does. "So what I'm ugly, my soobin and beomgyu photo card love me 😤 my tubatu loves me, that's enough motivation for me to complete this crappy assignment as soon as possible"

After 2 hours of hard work and a little bit of distraction from all new videos updates from YouTube, you completed the assignment.

After completing your assignment which was equivalent to toxic relationship you decided to reward yourself by going for a walk.

The cool evening breeze brushing your face felt therapeutic and relaxing . It calmed your intrusive thoughts.

Just then a parrot flew over your shoulder , it was a turquoise fronted medium-sized parrot , he had boba eyes , and looking in all directions.

You heard a distant voice shouting "yahhh! Toto come back! Stop disturbing people"

That voice came closer and because Toto was perhaps relaxing on your tensed shoulder and you couldn't move.

"Here you are Toto! You made me run errands for you " You lifted your eyes to see the person in front of you. It was a man, young and his voice was husky yet soothing. His hair were fluffy , his features even in moonlight seemed well defined and were so mesmerizing, the most attention capturing part of his face were his boba eyes and pearly white smile. You were so lost in his beauty that you realized that Toto was still on your shoulder.

"Thank you so much for not moving and extremely sorry for causing trouble , Toto's becoming naughty day by day "

You replied "n-no problem, he really did nothing apart of siting but I'm sure you are tired of looking and chasing after him , you can have my water"

He accepted the offer as he was extremely thirsty, you were literally staring at him while he was gulping water , he seemed ethereal and looked like a daydream.

After handing over your water bottle, he spoke "once again thank you, I'm choi beomgyu and this is my pet parrot Toto" You froze in place as soon as you heard his name

B-beomgyu no, THE CHOI BEOMGYU from TOMORROW BY TOGETHER was standing in front of you, he drank from your bottle and moa's crush Toto was on your shoulder.

You stuttered " I-i am y/n n-nice to meet you Mr Choi, you pet is really beautiful "

"You can call me only beomgyu since you seem around my age and thanks for the compliment :) Since you helped me can i treat you with an ice cream, I know it's not much , but there is an ice cream shop right there "

Stawwwpp did beomgyu just offered you an ice cream treat , you were on cloud 9 , you tried to look calm and composed and replied " Why not! Since it's so hot you too are sweating let's cool down ourselves "

Beomgyu smiled and asked you to follow his lead, he kept Toto in his cage in his car and fed him water and his food, then you entered the air conditioned ice cream parlour. The sweet smell of ice cream had you drooling . Beomgyu asked you for your favorite flavor and bought one for you and one for himself, you both sat and talked for a while about how Toto became his pet, then beomgyu got too curious about you and you were being interrogated the whole time but you too asked him about himself.

After an wholesome conversation, you both headed out of the ice cream shop, both of you were a bit sad for you won't be able to talk to him , you both had only met half an hour ago and had bonded so well and then suddenly never meeting again seemed too sad of an ending to a good friendship to which beomgyu suggested to exchange phone numbers you both were glad to have something to stay in touch with each other.

You both bid farewell to each other and said "thank you beomgyu for treating me with ice cream and being an amazing listener, I'm feeling so much more relaxed thanks to you"

" I'm glad I could help you, and i hope to stay in touch with you! Goodbye y/n! "

You both parted ways, you felt happy, a smile was plastered on your face , not just because you had spent time with your idol but also because you found such a good friend who was extremely genuine and his vibes were so positive, you felt grateful for being able to finish your assignment on time and meeting this beautiful soul

Beomgyu too was feeling the same, he felt heard and did not feel alone. His busy schedule didn't have him time to talk to his hyungs in person , they did text each other on kakao talk but they too are extremely busy and also something about talking in person is always better . He found a friend because of Toto, he felt grateful towards Toto. Every stress and tension that moment just seemed too good to be ignored because he had a good time with you.

[astrophysicist-guitar-god]

Not My Job: Queen's Brian May Gets Quizzed About Dairy Queen

OCTOBER 28, 2017 (12:44 PM ET) || HEARD ON  WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

9-Minute Listen <- (as of 11/21/23, the audio link still works)

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Transcript

Michael Loccisano/Getty Images

Brian May left a promising career in science to try his hand at rock 'n' roll, and did OK enough, we guess, becoming a co-founder of the band Queen. (That makes him the only Ph.D. astrophysicist in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.) What's more, he's also deeply into 3D stereoscopic photography, and has just published a new book of pictures of his band.

Given his success with Queen, we made him answer three trivia questions about Dairy Queen, the ice cream and fast food franchise.

Queen's Brian May Rocks Out To Physics, Photography Secret Stereographs: Brian May Of Queen Reveals A Pastime

PETER SAGAL, HOST: 

And now the game where we reward a lifetime of achievement with a few moments of trivia. It's called Not My Job. Brian May left a promising career in science to try his hand at rock 'n' roll. And he did OK. He founded the band Queen with Freddie Mercury, John Deacon and Roger Taylor, making him, as far as we know, the only Ph.D. astrophysicist in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. But he had another enthusiasm, 3-D stereoscopic photography. He's published a new book of pictures of his band so realistic you can practically smell the groupies.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Brian May, welcome to WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

(APPLAUSE)

BRIAN MAY: Thank you very much.

SAGAL: I spent a good part of yesterday evening with your book of these amazing stereoscopic photos and the great little viewer that comes with them...

MAY: Right.

SAGAL: ...Enjoying these 3-D pictures of your band and its history and Freddie Mercury and your other friends and musicians. And I have one thing to ask you. How is it that in all the years that you've been in the public eye, your hair has never changed?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Did any - nobody ever came to you and said, Brian, you know, now it's the 1990s. We need to cut your hair? Has any...

MAY: Yeah, they do it all the time.

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: I have a good answer for that. But it's probably not repeatable on your program.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So there are so many things that are interesting about you. You were, as I said - you were pursuing your doctorate in science when the band started, right?

MAY: I was, yeah. In astronomy. In what they now call astrophysics, yeah. And I gave it up. And I thought I was actually doing astrophysics a favor by choosing the other option.

SAGAL: Really?

MAY: Yeah. And I also thought, you know, there's a window opening here. And if I don't kind of walk through - or a door opening, I should say. And I thought, if I don't walk through right now, that door will never open again. So I went off and, against all the odds, became a rock star for some reason.

SAGAL: Yeah. That seemed to have worked out pretty well for you.

MAY: It's OK. It's been OK so far. Yeah.

SAGAL: It really has. But...

PAULA POUNDSTONE: So wait, you're suggesting that you were not a good astrophysicist?

MAY: You know, I didn't think I was.

POUNDSTONE: What would make a bad astrophysicist?

MAY: Well...

POUNDSTONE: Like, you weren't looking in the right...

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: Well, what would make a bad astrophysicist would be, like, not being able to complete your Ph.D., which is what happened.

POUNDSTONE: Oh.

MAY: And I couldn't please my supervisor. So 30 years later, I found myself with another supervisor. And he liked what I did. So I kind of updated my vision of myself. But I got it after 30 years.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, wow.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Wait a minute. What I love is that you going in to get your Ph.D. not as young Brian May but as Brian May the guitarist of Queen.

MAY: Yeah.

SAGAL: I mean, did you - like, your oral exams - did you come in and say, I could answer your questions, or I could just do the riff from "We Will Rock You."

MAY: Well, you know, they were tough on me. I think they had to be because they couldn't be seen to kind of make it easy for me, you know? And, you know, I got a whole sheaf of stuff that I had to do in order to finish it off.

SAGAL: I bet that...

LUKE BURBANK: Did they try to work in any Queen stuff during the defense of your dissertation? Like, you may think you're the champion, Mr. May...

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: ...But this panel thinks otherwise. Do they do anything corny like that?

SAGAL: Now, this is the amazing thing about this book because in addition to your interest in astrophysics and obviously shredding on the guitar, you are a huge photography nerd. And you were...

MAY: Totally.

SAGAL: You were always into 3-D photography.

MAY: Yeah.

SAGAL: I'm just trying to imagine though that - it must have been like the mid-70s in the absolute apogee of, like, the rock 'n' roll lifestyle. And there's the cocaine. And there are the groupies. And there's the liquor. And you're, like, trying to get everybody to hold still so you can take a 3-D photograph.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Guys, guys. Come on.

MAY: I'm not going to contradict you there.

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: Should we just move on?

SAGAL: All right. I will.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Every high school student has the same story, I imagine, on the way to sports events.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: Like, when I played lacrosse in high school, we would bang our sticks on the roof of the bus.

MAY: Oh.

POUNDSTONE: How this driver tolerated it I'll never know. And we would scream at the top of our lungs the lyrics to, you know, "We Are The Champions."

MAY: Great.

POUNDSTONE: And it was so much fun.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah.

BURBANK: Did you guys ever win a match?

POUNDSTONE: No.

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: It did you no good whatsoever.

BURBANK: What would you sing on the drive back, "Another One Bites The Dust?"

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

BURBANK: Can I just ask what - like, in the creation of an amazing, iconic song like "Bohemian Rhapsody," did Freddie Mercury write those lyrics?

MAY: Absolutely.

BURBANK: And, like, what was it like when he says, OK, these are going to be the words to this song?

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: We had a kind of unwritten law. You know, generally, this song was kind of the province of the writer. And the writer would have the final say. So yeah, we didn't really discuss it. We didn't say, you know, why are you saying that, Freddie? It was just...

BURBANK: So no one looked at him when he started singing scaramouche?

POUNDSTONE: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: You know, we were enjoying ourselves.

SAGAL: Can you do the fandango?

MAY: I mean, this stuff is really fun to do in the studio.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, I bet.

MAY: And nobody had ever done it before, you know?

SAGAL: Oh, absolutely. I'd never heard anything like that in my life when that song came out.

MAY: Well, and you won't again.

SAGAL: I know. I know.

POUNDSTONE: So you guys just, you know, scaramouche, scarmouche, not even looking at one another?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I can imagine.

POUNDSTONE: It does sound like fun.

SAGAL: Last question - as an astrophysicist, because this is interesting how you both - do both - can you scientific explain how it is that fat bottomed girls make the world go round?

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: Yeah. I think that's still true. I was just lucky to find out early, you know?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Brian May, we can talk to you all day. But we have business to do. We've asked you here to play a game we're calling...

BILL KURTIS: Have a peanut buster parfait.

SAGAL: You, of course, as we have been discussing, are one of the founders of Queen, one of the iconic rock bands of all time. So we thought we'd ask you three questions about Dairy Queen.

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: About what?

SAGAL: Dairy Queen. You might have come across it in your travels across America. It's a popular ice cream and fast food franchise.

MAY: This is the bit I've been looking forward to so much.

SAGAL: Oh, you are.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Answer two questions about - by the way, I should say that absolute ignorance is always an advantage in this particular game.

MAY: Well, you've got it in this case.

(LAUGHTER)

ADAM BURKE: I'm just picturing the Queen tour bus pull up to a Dairy Queen.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It'd be the greatest day of those people's lives.

BURKE: Freddie just marching in. Blizzards for the lot of us.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right (laughter).

MAY: Can I go home now?

SAGAL: This is already going very well.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So the question, though, for Bill is who is legendary guitarist and astrophysicist Brian May playing for?

KURTIS: Ella Jones of Baltimore, Md.

SAGAL: All right.

POUNDSTONE: Here we go.

SAGAL: Just two right, and we win it all. None right - who cares? Here we go. Dairy Queen has given us so much by way of frozen treats, the Blizzard, the Dilly Bar, the Oreo Brownie Earthquake. But it's also responsible for what other wonderful thing? A, the defibrillator device; B - the band No Doubt, or C avocado toast?

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: I would say none of the above. But I have no idea. The defibrillator. I'm going for the defibrillator.

SAGAL: You could use a defibrillator at any Dairy Queen. But the answer is the band No Doubt...

POUNDSTONE: Really?

MAY: You're kidding me.

SAGAL: ...Because it turns out that Gwen Stefani and two of her band mates met and formed their band at a Dairy Queen in Anaheim, Calif., when they both - all worked there.

MAY: I'm on the edge of my seat.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But we have other things. There's this Dairy Queen - one of them - in Morehead, Minn. And it's legendary because it still uses all the old recipes. And it was the place where their famous dilly bar treat was invented. Now, the owner there invented a number of other things that corporate never liked - so they didn't catch on nationally - including which of these? Which of these failed Dairy Queen treats? A, the flaming sundae; B, the meat shake...

POUNDSTONE: Ew.

SAGAL: ...Or C, the heck-of-a-job brownie?

(LAUGHTER)

MAY: I'm going to go for number one.

SAGAL: The flaming sundae. You're right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: He invented a flaming sundae, a sugar cube doused with liquor - set it on fire. Very attractive. So your last question. If you get this right you win, which I'm sure will go well with your CBE.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Last question. Dairy Queen has a deep, dark secret - something they would rather that you - none of us - would know. What is it? A, their original name was Dairy Fairy; B, their ice cream isn't actually ice cream or C, the chain is wholly owned by the government of Iran?

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: He's operating at a slight disadvantage having never been to a Dairy Queen.

SAGAL: That's true.

MAY: I think B.

SAGAL: Yes. You're right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: It's true that their product - their frozen soft serve cannot be legally called ice cream because it doesn't have enough real cream in it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Brian May do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He is a champion.

POUNDSTONE: There we go.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Two out of three.

SAGAL: My friend, Brian May is an astrophysicist, guitar legend and one of the founders of the great rock bands of all time - that would be Queen. His new book, which is completely worth the hours you will spend staring at it - it's of stereoscopic photos he took. It's called "Queen In 3-D." It is out now. Brian May, what a joy to talk to you. Thank you so much for...

MAY: Thank you all.

SAGAL: Brian May.

(SOUNDBITE OF QUEEN SONG, "WE WILL ROCK YOU")

[pansyboybloom]

What is is like going to the gyno while trans? I’m 19 and haven’t gone to one before, as a trans person the idea scares me. I don’t mind being referred to as a girl or women and I’ve accepted it’s not something I can change in my life right now, but I know the whole situation of being at a gyno will make me start to feel even worse about my situation. Do you have any tips on hyping myself up before and then calming down after wards?

so, it really depends on your doctor imo. I've worked with mine since I was 19, and while I don't necessarily like her, I trust her to respect me and my body. i went through my local lgbt clinic to find her via requesting some recommendations for trans/nb experienced and affirming gynos, and made sure to contact her ahead of time to let her know any and every detail she might need regarding my gender to make our appointment go more smoothly, including anything medical ive had done or plan to do. Obviously, this is the best-case scenario and not possible for everyone, but if you're in the central texas/austin area i def recommend the Texas health action's list of trans-friendly doctors. I see dr. kaufmen and even if she's a bit cold, she's always been respectful.

as for getting there and hyping up/down, unfortunately, im not the best to ask. i have a major fear of doctors and extreme dysphoria regarding others touching my genitalia so i usually cry the entire time :| but bringing a trusted friend to hold your hand and getting ice cream (or other treats) as a reward is what i do! Does anybody else have tips they'd be willing to share? i'd super appreciate it

all and all, having people to help affirm your gender prior to and after the appointment helps the most for me. it's very personal and takes time to find what works and what doc you like, but gyno health is important, esp if you start T. it doesn't get talked abt as much as id like, but t can cause vaginal atrophy (which is fully treatable!) and trans people w vaginas often develop vaginismus, which is when trauma/sex anxiety/fear of penetration/dysphoria causes an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor, causing extreme pain and difficulty during penetrative sex, and so talking to a gyno can be helpful to have a healthy sex life. also, cancer screenings are important, so finding a way to make the gyno work for you, while hard, is really necessary!

Anyway, off my soapbox. if anyone else has advice, pls pls pls reply/reblog/send an ask in!!

[greghatecrimes]

Would you have any advice on breaking procrastination habits by any chance?

-Current Procrastinator

Oh god I was horrible for this in high school and a good chunk of college lol. i wrote so many papers the day they were due and submitted them at 11:55pm. I also once had two years to write a paper and wrote the whole thing in the four days before it was due lmfaooooo. former procrastinator who is slowly breaking the habit, these are things that have helped me

-just making myself start something well in advance, in the slightest way possible. just one sentence in an essay or email. one row in a spreadsheet. having it started just a little helps me feel a lot less dread around it

-uuhhh a huge thing for me was finding out i had adhd and learning adhd friendly strategies to time manage/organize (and also getting on adhd medication). i don't know if you're adhd, but i think a lot of the tips for time management and such can be really helpful even if youre not!

-BRIBERY. so much bribery. i make deals with myself like "if i send this email i can look on tumblr for five mins after". "every time i finish 10 rows in my spreadsheet, i can write a few sentences of fanfic". "when i finish this task i can have my favorite snack". ice cream especially is very effective bribery. the key is you have to actually follow through and give yourself the reward when you complete the task. don't do what i did and keep pushing it off (ie "i said i could take a break after doing 5 calculus problems. i did 5 but now i'm raising the amount to 10.")

yeah i think bribery is the biggest one tbh. the spreadsheet fanfic one is actually a real thing i used the other day at work to get myself to work on a mind numbing data project i was procrastinating on.

[angelahmonroe]

How do you stay motivated to keep writing when you have no inspiration??

How I Stay Motivated

Staying motivated to write takes a lot of work. Motivation to write will come and go. For example:

The Kingdom of Misfortune (TKOM): It took me 6 years to write this book, mostly because I wasn't motivated. I was in high school, then college, suffering through an illness and losing an entire organ in my digestive tract. But I now know tips that would've saved me so much more time if I had just followed them.

The Whispers of Eternity (TWOE): It took me a year to fully finish this book.

The new secret series: The first book took me three months.

So, I have some tricks I've learned since 2021, when I released TKOM, which I will happily share.

Outlining.

When I wrote TKOM, I did it entirely off the dome. At the time, I didn't see a problem with that, but I experimented with some outlining with TWOE and learned that it really does wonders. It does more than I thought it would. Outlining sets an expectation. It allows me to know where this chapter will start, what it will contain, and where it will end. Of course, sometimes my characters throw me a curveball, and we go off the outline. That is okay because outlines can be adjusted. Another thing outlining really helps me with is if you go a few days without writing and need help remembering precisely what a character says, you don't have to go hunt for what chapter it's in. In my outline, I give a brief one-sentence description of a conversation. "They talked about his childhood," for example. That tells me if I need to remember what was said, that is the chapter I need to reread. It saves me so much time. You just need to be good at summarizing the entire chapter within one short paragraph.

Set Goals.

You can set goals that you want to meet and hold yourself to it. Could you start with small goals that you want to accomplish each day? This could be as simple as writing 3,000 words a day. Could you give yourself a time limit each day to achieve these goals? I set harsh deadlines for myself to follow with TWOE. I wanted the first rough draft completed within five months. I accomplished that even though I wasn't motivated each day because I stuck to my goals. Do not set yourself up for failure by setting unreasonable goals. You know yourself better than anyone else. What works for some people will not work for you, which is okay. Just because I wrote the first draft of a book in three months does not mean that's reasonable for you. This is my third one, after all.

Take Breaks.

Taking breaks is essential. It keeps you from getting burnt out on your ideas. Sometimes, you cannot force writing. It's okay to put a project down for a little bit. You must be confident in your ability to shelve something to work on something else. For example, I shelved book 3 of The Western World Chronicles for an entirely new series. I knew I wasn't in the right place to write it. Don't force it. Return when your mind is fresh and ready to continue. Breaks don't have to be long, either. Short breaks are just as helpful. Days, weeks, months. They're all valid.

Avoid Distractions.

Sometimes, you just need to lock yourself in a quiet room with no TV, music, or anything else. I can't write if my husband is in the room. He's my biggest distraction, and multiple times, I have had to lock him out of the room. Of course, this requires money, but some people work best if they travel to a remote place specifically to write. I would love to be able to afford to travel to the places where my new series takes place. It has multiple settings all over the US and even the rest of the world. I'd love to write these chapters in these places and experience what life is like there. Greece and Dubai are two areas directly mentioned in the new series. I've never been to either.

Reward Yourself.

Each time you meet one of your goals, reward yourself. Go get ice cream! Order a new book! Set up a gold star chart for yourself like they do kindergartens. Do whatever will make you feel accomplished.

Write Everyday.

I don't mean to write your story every day. Just write something every day. There are multiple places to go to get free writing prompts. Do one every day. Make it a habit and stick to it.

Enter Writing Contests.

Shockingly, I still do this. Reedsy, for example, has writing contests. You do have to pay to enter for a chance at a prize, but if you just want to enter a story for others to read but not to be judged or do the prompt, it is entirely free. You can enter hundreds of other contests; you just have to find them.

Find Inspiration.

Sometimes, inspiration doesn't flow. In the writing space, there is no such thing as a completely original idea. There are too many books and authors for that. If you've drawn inspiration from something for your current project, please feel free to soak it up. Each time you're feeling unmotivated, return to it. You can also look for similar titles in the same genre and check them out. Do not copy, though. Copying and taking inspiration from are two different things.

Take Care of Yourself.

My most important tip is that you should ALWAYS take care of yourself. Make sure you've eatenand drink water or another liquid while you write. Take care of your body. Take a shower. Go to the gym. These things help you not only physically but also mentally.

There are more tips. I am sure I could come up with another five, but these are the ones I use daily. I think they are the most important ones to follow.

I hope this helps :D

-Angela

[bolotomia]

Day five: what do you usually binge on?

It's usually sweets. Name it. Chocolate, candy bars, ice cream, literally anything with sugar in it. I'm hopeful quitting added sugars will make the cravings go away, but also my pig brain knows there's ice cream in the freezer and it just can't stop thinking about the moment I will have it. I will have it like a reward for a really long fast, I think. Maybe 48hours. I don't know yet.

Today I already failed in waking up early to walk before work and it SUCKS, but I tried to give myself a break because a. pms and b. I could barely sleep the past night. I kept waking up every TWENTY MINUTES, I swear, and I feel exhausted. So I'll walk later today, and only break my fast AFTER my walk. I will complete 16 hours of fasting at noon, then run a couple errands, come back home at around 2pm, get up the stairs (15 floors) and walk for at least 30 minutes. That's my goal for today.

I'm still figuring out how to organize my goals and priorities daily, weekly, monthly, and I'm not really sure how to do it. Right now I'm tracking things on a journal, and I'll see how it goes and what needs to be adapted.

On January 15th I started my weight loss journey, and set up several calendar reminders for every next Monday with the weight I was supposed to have on May 27th. It was exciting to weigh myself every Monday and see that I was on track with my plan, until I couldn't get out of 97kgs.

Today I got a notification from the calendar saying I should be weighing 94kgs, with the pending notifications from 96 and 95 that I never completed. This feels like such a failure, and it adds to the terror of not weighing myself for the next 2 months.

I understand I am bloated and retaining liquid because of my period, so it's actually good that I am not going to weigh in today. I think in two weeks I might be weighing 94, when I'm not bloated anymore and etc, but there's no way to know because I will only weigh in in April. I'll be taking my measurements and documenting them on my journal today too.

Writing here really is helping.

[g-o-bs--fanfictions]

Hi! I'm new to the DoL fandom and I've fallen in love with Eden. I didn't expect them to be so gentle (after you earn their love and trust that is). Can you write a Angst, hurt/comfort where Eden find the PC cutting themselves? I'm going through a rough patch and find reading about it helps. You don't have to, but I'd really appreciate it. If you can, male Eden and gender neutral PC? Thanks in advance if you do decide to write it

{Long A/N incoming}

First, I want to thank you for your request. It's been a while since I've written anything angsty so, I suppose it was about time for me to do so again.

I do want to apologize for this taking so long. This is something I have a history with and I didn't want to make it into something self indulgent but, I'm pretty sure that I did anyway. It also took a while because I had a bit of a tough time with the 'comfort' part and I'm still not exactly happy with it. However, whether I'm happy with it or not doesn't really matter in this case so long as you can find comfort in it. I can tell you from experience that it does get better. Don't beat yourself up when you do slip up.

I can offer some solid advice that got me to my current 2.5 years clean:

1: Don't see your relapses as failures. Count the days in between each one and push for more, even if it's only one extra day.

2: Set up goals and reward yourself when you reach them. It doesn't have to be big rewards. Even something as simple as going out to get ice cream can work.

3: Take the time to write out why you want to hurt yourself in that moment. It will be hard to do this, I know. In the moment, your emotions are high and writing out your feelings may be the absolute last thing you want to do. But trust me, it does help. Read those reasons back to yourself before you do anything else. The question I always asked myself was "Is this really a good reason to reset my progress?" I found that the longer I had to think about it, the less likely I was to cut.

And 4: Remember that you are human and that humans make mistakes. Getting better doesn't happen in a day and relapsing is just part of recovery. Self harm is just one of those addictions that get over-looked but, you can still recover from it despite that. I still get urges sometimes, even after recovering, but these coping methods I've listed have helped me a whole lot more than just talking it out ever has and I hope they can help you too.

Now, with that said, I do hope that you enjoy and can find the comfort you need from this story.

[Warnings: Self harm, depression, mentions of abuse, mentions of sexual abuse, angst, and trauma]

M! Eden w/ a GN! PC who self harms

You can't quite recall what exactly made you start doing this. All you can remember is that it made you feel better. Like you had control over something for once. You had control over each blood red line carved deep into spongy flesh. Every scar and every new cut a reminder of the control only you wielded. You controlled the placement. You controlled the depth. You even controlled just how long each and every cut bled. You didn't want to die, however. You just wanted to feel something.

You'd become numb in all the ways that mattered to the sick fucks in this town. It never stopped them but, you did feel a strange bit of satisfaction in knowing that they themselves were never truly satisfied when they were done with you. However, the feeling is always short-lived when the flashbacks and nightmares came to torment you in the dead of night. Those always tended to hurt worse than any amount of pain you could inflict upon yourself.

You've stopped counting the scars by now. It's too much trouble to keep up with them. But still, it feels as if there's never enough. Never enough to match the amount of mental anguish, memories, the amount of times you've been told that you're nothing, nor the amount of times that you found yourself agreeing with them.

The only light in this incessant darkness has been Eden. And even though he's the torch that fights through most of the darkness that plagues you, not even his flame is bright enough to fight back the inky black pitch that lurks in the recesses of your psyche. It's that darkness that always drags you back, kicking and screaming, into the yawning black chasm that is your lament and despair.

You could tell that it hurt him to see you hurt. That he felt that he had failed to protect you. You hated to see him that way. But you couldn't stop. Not when it made you feel just the slightest bit better. Not when it soothed the staticky storm that seemed to constantly rage on within your head. Not when it gave you just a sliver of the peace you oh-so craved.

But, at the same time, you couldn't bear to see the light of your life dim every time his eyes gazed upon a fresh wound carved into your skin. So, you started hiding them where he wouldn't see. Yes, it was inconvenient, but it was worth it. It was worth it all to not see the sadness in his eyes.

That's why, right now, as he's looking at you with that same sadness that you worked so hard to keep away, you feel your heart plummet as feelings of guilt and shame wash over you.

"I'm sorry," you say, tears beginning to fall down your face in warm rivulets. "I just... You weren't supposed to see. You weren't supposed to know. I'm sorry. I-"

You drop the blade in your hand as sobs begin to rack your body. As you feel your legs give way, strong arms wrap around you as Eden pulls you close. He sits with you on the floor of the cabin, gently rocking you as you continue to cry. You feel his tears soaking into your hair much like yours are soaking into his jacket. After a few moments, he finally speaks. His voice is gruffer than usual, strained from crying with you.

"I love you. I don't want to see you hurt anymore. I don't want to see you hurt yourself anymore." Eden lifts your chin, forcing you to look him in the eye. The pain in his eyes is evident and you feel your heart ache knowing that you are the cause of it. "I want to help you stop. But you need to want me to help you. You need to want to stop."

He gently wipes the tears from your face.

"Will you let me help?" He asks with such sincerity that it makes your heart hurt even more.

You take a breath. You don't want your flame to flicker. You don't want to ever see him dim again. You want to give him the power to burn brighter, to be able to finally scare the darkness away from the abyss within you. You meet his gaze once more and give your answer.

"Yes."

Masterlist

[getrektfools]

vent, kind of fatshaming, super long

so there are now TWO morbidly obese members of my family I'm aware of who have prescribed wegovy or ozempic. you can ONLY be prescribed these drugs once you are clinically obese. obviously they need the help but please explain to me why my brother - unemployed, literally sits on the couch playing video games all day (10+ hours a day!!!) gets to just get a shot to melt the weight off. when i hit the overweight threshold and wanted to stop gaining/drop back into a normal weight, all i get told is to monitor my calories more closely. the weight gain already had me flirting with relapse, then i find out the heaviest in my family are getting drugs thrown at them to drop weight and I'm being told "just keep an eye on your calorie count". The guy you just prescribed weight loss drugs to? He ate an ENTIRE FAMILY SIZE BAG OF CHIPS on top of his actual meals!! Plus ice cream before bed! All in the same day!! Only got up to go from couch to bathroom or couch to kitchen. But I, 3 lbs overweight, runner, regular gym goer, recently recovered anorexic, better just work harder.

when my mom told me her doctor was starting her on ozempic I said "god i wish i could get on it just long enough to lose 8 pounds or so" and she tells me "oh there are other things you should try first" so why don't these obese fucks try those other things? like you weren't screaming yelling at me in the hospital because you were so angry at me for doing this to myself. i am extremely capable of those "other things." I am probably TOO capable of those "other things." Those "other things" are addictive to me.

during this conversation, she's eating a double serving of fruit dumplings with literally a quarter cup of sugar in her coffee. two or three cups every morning. she could just swap for diet sweetener and cut out 400-600 cals a day! a pound a week in just the sugar in her morning coffee!!! when she visits me she just sits on my couch watching movies. i'll plan activities but inevitably it's too hot out, too windy out, too far away. can't we just order in from that restaurant she likes and rent a movie? there's an awesome park with several restaurants .8 mile from my house, i like to walk there and pick up lunch from a restaurant and picnic by the pond when weather and schedule allow. can't do that with my mom, she gets completely out of breath and her knees hurt. we have to drive. not even a mile and we have to drive. shared fitbit data with my sister for a while (also fat but nowhere near mom or baby brother), and she was averaging only 800 steps a day! a day!

obviously its better for society at large to have fitter citizenry, and i want my family to be healthier, but. feels like they are being rewarded for their absolute lack of self control. Eat yourself into three of you? Here's a shot to burn fat. Can't expect you to put down the chips! Meanwhile the rest of us who have actually exercised self control (too much self control in ana/mia cases) throughout our lives get told "no shortcuts! work harder! you don't get help!"

i know it isn't rational but this is how i feel. i am glad they are getting medical support to lose weight, because i want them to be around for a long time. i want to be able to walk to the park with my family. i want them to have the energy and ability to do things beside sit on the couch. i want them to be able to play volleyball with me or actually SWIM when we go to the beach. I want them to be able to take their dogs on regular, good length walks!

also obviously i am tempted to try and steal few pens of the wegovy but i won't do that to him. i can lose weight on my own. but god is it tempting. he's almost definitely not going to follow any diet recommended or increase his activity level, so its kind of like, a waste of perfectly useful medication isn't it? maybe he'll surprise me. maybe this is the boost he needs to start taking care of himself a little better. small changes add up, after all.

in a sick way this is motivating me to push myself even harder - lose more weight , faster. prove i don't need it.

[bikepackinguk]

Day One Hundred and Six

Scouting around Bognor yesterday evening allowed me to come across Bersted Brooks Nature Reserve on the outskirts of town, which provided an excellent wealth of patches to shelter up for the night.

The morning air is crisp and my breath is misting as I pack up, but the aky is clear with just a few high whisps of cloud so it may end up being another hot one.

Out and at it again, it's out of town and onto the A259 to make a twisting course eastward along the adjacent cycle path, as it leads past some construction areas and alongside busy traffic.

It's a pleasing start to the day as the road is backing up with traffic around Climping, whilst I'm able to sail past with minimal effort.

Over the River Arun and into Littlehampton, I swing down past the small harbour and hit the seafront. The waters of the English Channel are nice and calm in the early sun, gently lapping at the shore as I have a nice sit and admire the view ahead.

A nice ride along the beach down to Rustington, I follow the road winding its way back up around a stretch of farmland before dropping back down to the shore again at Goring-by-Sea.

Ahead is a long, long stretch of coastal riding through some big urban centres, time for some easy miles!

On through Worthing and past the pier, it's a good leg of cycle paths out of the traffic before hitting the road again to cross the River Adur into Shoreham-by-Sea.

The path leads through some heavy industrial areas around the harbour at Southwick, before getting back off the roads as the trails pick up once more as I head into Brighton.

The sun is shining brightly as the day progresses, making for another hot day once again, but it's been mostly flat going so far as I head up to and around Brighton's famous pier and on to the marina.

The level terrain comes to an end here as the road begins to rise up and over the white chalky cliffs as I push around the coast of Sussex. It's some rolling climbs and descents as the road forges onwards in the heat, but I'm fortunately able to stay out of the heavy traffic throughout this long urban section.

I finally get past Seaford and meet the edge of the Seven Sisters Country Park. The paths and pavements disappear here and there's no choice ahead for me but to hit the A259 and slog it out in the traffic as the road takes to the cliffsides through some beautiful countryside.

Up and over the hills, it's another day of sweaty effort, but it's not too far to work at to reach East Dean where I can turn off from the busier traffic to head down to the visitor centre at Birling Gap for an impressive view of the Seven Sisters cliffs back down the coast.

It's time for the big effort of the day as I carry on round the road for a long ascent up to the famous Beachy Head. Whilst it's certainly a challenging climb in places, after my travails through Scotland and the West Country it doesn't match some of the awful gradients I've had to struggle through, and I manage to make the summit without too much exhaustion.

The view from up on Beachy is stunning on a day like today, with some panoramic sights of the sea and a wonderful view along the coast ahead past Hastings. I decide to reward myself with an ice cream for my efforts!

Back onto the road, it's time for a nice long glide downhill, with a twisting road leading down through some leafy woods and along the clifftops above Eastbourne seafront.

It's a lovely ride down through Eastbourne, along a pretty promenade section and past the pier, and along the road as it tracks around the long beach.

Past Sovereign Park, there's a turn around the dense suburbs lining the harbour, and a convenient supermarket where I stop off for resupply and a check of the map.

With the evening setting in, it's time for me to hunt for a place to rest my head. There aren't a ton of options for stealthily getting the tent up around, so I push on a ways round Pevensey Bay, which has similarly been dry on convenient options.

It may be a night in the bivvy ahead, but with the forecast remaining clear and dry it shouldn't be much trouble to find a convenient bench. I'll let you know how it goes in the morrow.

TTFN!

[what-if-nct]

hi i exist and i had a dream about me having eggs with jj0ng. it’s safe to say that i’m finally undepressed and i’m writing a story on ao3.

which leads me to my question, how do you stop yourself from procrastinating? idk if you know, but i wanted to ask in case if you did. i do like your posts as always even though i’m shy to make any tumblr posts as of this time. i had just introduced myself to live journal and i’m using it just to make fake old posts of me thirsting over shinee, tvxq and snsd because i miss that era of being a kpop fan and i wish i lived through it myself. every time someone screams “my ovaries” would make my heart cry. i miss teenagers being… well… teenagers. it’s sad that we might not see golden content like these anymore, but at least i have a space to act like i did because i’m delulu and need to be stopped.

Hii! Wholesome dreams are definitely a true antidepressant. Oh I procrastinate all the time. I even procrastinate eating and putting up my groceries. Like I don't buy milk, eggs or real meat. It's fine but there's still hummus, cheese and tofu so after i remember that i do it. But something I do that does help me especially with posts is I give myself a deadline like you have this post half written in your drafts try to get it finished by the end of the week and give yourself an incentive. Like if I clean my closet by the end of today I can buy my whole shopping cart on whatever site I want. I think cause that's how it was when I was a kid. After school or summer camp especially if we were fussy in the morning our grandma would have some kind of treat or toy for us when we got back so we knew if we go to school that means we'll get a hula hoop or ice cream or cookie when we got back. So I think you should try rewarding yourself for when you finally do something you've been meaning to do. I hope that is helpful for you. Also don't feel guilty if you don't do something you can always change your idea if the current one isn't inspiring you I do that all the time and it always works out better than your original idea. I was a kpop fan around that time. I totally remember the my ovaries or my ovaries exploded thing. I see some current version of that and it's like "I am ovulating right now I can't handle this" but I think its usually like people a little older at least I just follow people around my age.. I've definitely said it But I think just creating that atmosphere for yourself is great. I have noticed that a lot of younger fans are extremely puritanical I've never seen anything like it. I was like 15 when I became a kpop fan so it was different and even fans of elvis and the Beatles were similar in the 50s and 60s. Like not even jokes about idols smoking are even allowed. Like honey that's a grown man. It's okay he smokes and it's okay when especially adults find him sexy when he's behaving in a sexy manner that's the idea. It's only a problem when that's all you see them for and all they are to you is a sex symbol thats the only time it's a problem. It's fine if you don't want to do that I especially think so if it's a 30 year old man probably dont do that. But don't shame those who do it when it's called for. I think it's just the vicious attacks I have a problem with. I will never forgive Armys for what they did to cupcakke, she's the same age as Jungkook for goodness sake.