#i got gay about icarus what else can i say

[daisychainsandbowties]

chapter word count: 17k

rating: M

summary:

sometimes, after a fight, hiding bloody palms inside the pockets of your overcoat, you would yank down the coif of your combat habit and go inside of a fast food restaurant to order a milkshake. beatrice would stand with you on a street corner with her black coffee in a to-go cup and watch you sip and stare until your hands stopped shaking.

now, camila’s touch is all that holds you together.

she takes you by the jaw only briefly. there is a steadiness in her that you do not recognise. in the light, you know, her irises are lighter than yours. reflective in the way that black marble shows you your shadow, but sharply. you do not dare to look too long into them, but you are struck by their light-drinking depth. she is not the girl you remember.

-

aka the one where lilith is down bad for camila

read on Ao3

chapter 7 - excerpt:

sometimes night catches the van out in the middle of nowhere and beatrice leans over the front seat in the gauze of her own exhaustion to tell shannon, ‘the halo is muttering.’

you find this incredibly creepy, but shannon always smiles.

‘is that your way of telling me i’m tired, bea?’

the little weirdo always shrugs in response, slipping back towards her seatbelt, casting a dour glance over at you even when you aren’t making a face at her. usually, with the stars wicking into existence overhead, mary is already snoring in the front seat, legs spread untidily with her unloaded shotgun next to her on the seat.

‘i can drive,’ you say, every single goddamn time, but shannon always shakes her head and flicks the indicator on when she spots an opportunity to pull off the road, gearing up to engage the four-wheel drive. the ticking of the indicator sounds like a detonator to you, counting down.

after muddying up a clearing in some forest, shannon prods mary awake, leaning out of range as her hand flails out. by the time she starts cooing at mary in a ridiculous sing-song voice you have usually flung the door of the van open, resigned to putting up the tents that are packed neatly into the rear compartment of the van.

you and beatrice sleep in the same tent and it’s never weird.

beatrice, no matter how tired she is, always brings the dynamo lantern into the tent with her. usually it’s warm, and you lie with your fancy sleeping bag flung open, watching through heavy-lidded gloom as beatrice takes out her stupid little book and reads for a precise half-hour.

you never manage to stay awake through it all, subsiding to the sound of paper shuffling against her hands and the kinetic light of the wind-up lantern.

she always wakes before you, scrambling soundlessly out of her sleeping bag and unzipping the tent, leaving the breeze to play over your face as she paces through the dewy grass outside in her bare feet, using the gas cooker to make a pot of coffee. generally you emerge tousled to find her standing with a cup balanced delicately between her palms, peering up into the canopy so the morning light falls in protracted patterns over her upturned face.

initially, when you wake up in the hazy warmth of the tent, you can never remember where you are, or who you are. for a precious instant you are not a nun and your name isn’t lilith, and you don’t know a girl called beatrice.

cont. on Ao3

[dingusfreakhxrrington]

Icarus

pairing: remus lupin x sirius black

summary: in a world without wizards, remus moves to london in search of something more. it’s there, in a dimly lit bar in 1979, where he meets a troubled singer with a tendency to fly too close to the sun. can he pull sirius back down to earth before he gets burnt or will he learn to let loose and rise through the flames?

warnings: muggle au, band au, gay!remus, bi!sirius,

chapter word count: 798

chapters: 01, more coming soon…

read on ao3 here | masterlist

London was a spectacle. Completely unlike anywhere else. Not one person was the same, each passerby in the street living entirely separate lives while still somehow all remaining connected. It was simply the way of the capital, Remus supposed.

He had grown up moving from place to place as it was what his father’s job had demanded of them. All in all, he had a decent childhood. He made friends where he could and eventually got used to the many final goodbyes as they packed up and moved to a new town. He had parents who loved him and, for a time, that was enough.

By the time he turned eighteen, he knew he needed something more. He couldn’t live in his father’s shadow forever and he had no intentions of following in his footsteps. No, he needed to find his own path.

Against his parent’s wishes, he packed his things and left. Well, it was his father who was angered at his leaving, disappointed that his son would not be joining his company after all.

His mother was sad to see him go but knew it was what he wanted. She had always encouraged him to do what made him happy, even if that advice was now to drive a rift between him and his father. She packed him a sandwich, leaned up onto her toes as she cupped each side of his face, pulled him down toward her, and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead as she bid him goodbye.

That was how he found himself here, moving into a cosy flat in central London. He was lucky to find a place so soon. Lucky to have had enough cash saved up to assure his new roommate that he would have enough money for rent until he found some source of income. His father gave him nothing, of course. He had said: ‘If you want to make a life for yourself then do it. You will get no handouts from me.’ Or something along those lines. So there was no familial support but that was what he wanted. Remus just wanted to prove himself — to find himself.

“Remus? Have you seen my heels? The black ones with the straps?”

The boy, who was curled up in one corner of the sofa with a thick blanket and a book in hand, reluctantly looked up from the page and shook his head. “No. ‘ave you checked under your bed?”

The red-haired girl sighed and turned back to her bedroom and Remus waited for the few seconds that passed before she was calling back saying that she had found them.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” she asked as she put on her heels, fastening the straps around her ankles.

He folded the corner of the page and put his book down, knowing he wasn’t going to be able to read until she was gone.

“Nah, I’ve got work in the morning.”

The girl huffed and checked her makeup in the small, circular mirror that hung on the hallway wall. “You’re no fun. Come next time? Please? Marlene has been dying to see you again.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Lils, you know I don’t swing that way.”

Lily sighed. “I know but she won’t stop nagging me. You’ll come out with us next week though won’t you? You have to party a little on your birthday.”

Remus had been in London for just under two months. He met Lily, his new roommate, the day he arrived. That very day, when she laid down the ground rules, she found out his deepest, darkest secret. Remus Lupin was gay. Her reaction to this, however, was much better than he had anticipated. In fact, she was overjoyed that she wouldn’t have to worry about kicking out another roommate for coming on to her.

“No clubbing.”

“Fine, no clubbing. But you will come out, right? I know a good bar we can go to. Live music, lots of eye candy. Might even find you a bit of fun,” she chuckled and ruffled his hair.

Remus was quick to swat her away and combed a hand through his hair. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there.”

“Great! Well, I’m off. See you later!”

With a hasty kiss to the cheek, she was gone.

Lily Evans was almost more than he’d signed up for. She was a whirlwind, a total force of nature. A complete and utter party animal. Then again, so were most people their age. There was little else to do to pass the time. Unlike Remus, however, Lily always managed to find time to both party until the sun came up and work her arse off for a meagre paycheck.

Relishing in his newfound peace and quiet, Remus resumed his book.

next chapter (coming soon)

feel free to let me know if you want to be added to or removed from my taglist!

[loki-draws-art]

Doodles from two sessions post finale (the first two are from one, the rest are from the one after)

1) Damidi examines Icarus’s hand and finds out how fucked it is. He might actually have to get it amputated I’m actually not kidding it’s bad.

Orion: “You mean to tell me you never got it checked out this entire time?”

Icarus: “…I did when I first broke it.”

Orion: “WHEN YOU FIRST BROKE IT?”

Damidi, probably, thinking: (What the fuck)

It’s also the fact Icarus is so fucking nonchalant about it too-

2) Icarus investigates a few rooms that Laurence accidentally blew up (He unlocked one of the room’s door and found the room had been jerryrigged to blow up so no one could find anything in there). The first room, the initial bomb room, was Wilbrand’s study/office. The next room, however, was very familiar. Have an excerpt.

“As he enters the second room, memories flood back to him, a lot of those memories are with his mother. Many are happy memories. The fireplace, as well as the entire room, lays destroyed, sans some brick. He looks for anything salvageable, and does manage find a small safe that had survived. It has a combination on it. Icarus remembers the combination. [..] He kneels down to use the combination on the safe and opens it. In the safe, he finds the little wooden dragon Wilbrand had tossed into the fire all those years ago. It seems to have been salvaged by his mom […] She seemed to have tried to repair it beforehand, as there are some tools and pieces of wood in there.”

3) Icarus wants to explore the house some more and asks Orion to go with. Orion says he will if Icarus wants him to. Icarus very much does not want to explore alone. (Icarus is pathetic I love him)

4-5) Immediately after the first image, Icarus and Orion stumble upon an already started electrical fire. The room is already halfway in flames. Icarus radios the group and Otho, Jovian, and Galla rush up to assess the situation. Otho accuses Icarus of starting it, but Icarus says he didn’t (which is true). Otho doesn’t buy it and Orion couches for Icarus. It gets heated and Orion has to drag Icarus away from Otho cause their argument has gotten heated, and as they head off, Icarus flips Otho off, who in return, gestures “Shove it up your ass.”

6) After quickly exploring some more rooms, Orion decides to head back and help the lizard gang out out the fire. He then gives Icarus a forehead kiss and runs off. (I did literally have to take a second irl I’m love my gay bois)

7) Icarus finds a void room. Literally. It’s a room, and a few steps into said room, there’s a goddamned void. Pitch. Nada. In front are three candles, and the rightmost is lit. Icarus wracks his brain to try and remember anything about the room or candles, and gets a memory, but it’s more like a nightmare. Little Leo is curled up in a ball while in the room, a feeling of dread coming over him. Little Leo can see nothing, not even the entrance of the door.

He then gets another memory of him and his siblings, but otherwise nothing else. He wisely calls for someone to see wtf he’s seeing. No luck via radio so he has to literally yell for someone to check it out. Otho sees and cannot deal. He takes a picture though. Icarus also noticed the smoke from the fire (which has gotten worse) funneling into the void. He and Otho take note of that and leave. Icarus then goes to help try and put out the fire.

8) Galena explores an abandoned village that the mansion overlooks. She feeds some animals and explores a house, only to find it was where Phillip used to live. She cries out of sadness and one of the animals she fed approaches her and tries to comfort her. The dog is a therapy dog is named Macy by the way. She and Macy explore the village some more.

9) Orion’s patience with Icarus is being tested left and right.

(Icarus actually hasn’t slept with anyone it was a misunderstanding on Aurelian’s part and Sylviel is just riding with it while Laurence is trying to clear that up with Aurelian that he in fact did not sleep with Icarus and he (Laurence) has a wife at home.)

10) A woman who claims to know Leo(Icarus) (and claims that she’s his soon to be wife) tried to sneak onto the ship looking for Leo, and Azrael and Aurelian apprehended her and brought her back to the group. Also she knows something about Icarus’s brother, Ode (gasp name drop).

Icarus is just trying to recover from smoke inhalation damn who this bitch?

[romanianwilkinson]

MORE DISCORD SERVER SENTENCE STARTERS

A collection of quotes from my Discord server with friends. Feel free to change pronouns/wording as desired. CONTENT WARNING(S) FOR: Suggestive, crude, gore, absolutely cursed. [ PART 1 ]

“ Can your father send us child support? Same answer. ”

“ NO GENDER, ONLY LEGION. ”

* Bed rocking, aggressive bike horn noises *

“ [NAME], you are a fucking blight upon my sanity. ”

“ Is being super gay an advanced war tactic? ”

“ Look you have to tell me if this slapping will bring about the eldritch truth, or it's enslapment. ”

“ Fucking, this is still on the most mundane side of your fetishes. ”

“ New law of science. If an autopsy turns into an orgy you did something wrong. ”

“ I AM NEMISIS, DESTROYER OF THE JACK-O-LANTERN. ”

“ If we have a quiz tomorrow, the questions will be: 1) how to burst a mosquito, 2) how to tear your gut, and 3) what will the aliens look like. ”

“ I'm cat girl adjacent. ”

“ Make sure to vaccinate your computer, [NAME]! ”

“ SNOW IS JUST WATER YOU CAN BEAT UP AND BULLY. ”

“ A zombie goth. A zoth. ”

“ Slaughter’s good. I like slaughter. ”

“ They know your sins. ”

“ Why so many loose beans? ”

“ I want him to try it, SPECIFICALLY for the cyberbullying. ”

“ Today I leave y’all an Immensely Cursed Artefact. ”

“ Not the knowledge I was expecting tonight, but glad to have learned it anyhow. ”

“ It’s, unfortunately, not the worst thing that’s been turned into smut fic. ”

“ Poor organless [NAME]. ”

“ Help, I'm only seeing glowing weakpoints on you... This isn’t sexy at all! ”

“ Whelp, time to make everyone MILFs and DILFs then! ”

“ Ok, nothing is getting ‘ misted ’ in horny jail. ”

“ YES, FEED THE TOAST TO [NAME]! ”

“ The only bones I have are teeth. I’m like a snail in that regard. ”

“ This is just SCP Containment Breach: Horny Edition. ”

“ And what's at the bottom of the stairs? Another baby gate. ”

“ That’s what I’m banking on. The arrogance. ”

“ How much XP fucking a demon gives you is important adventuring stuff? ”

“ This is honestly the weirdest form of lust I've ever felt from someone. ”

“ I am holding your face metaphorically when I say this for emphasis. ”

“ My rage runs cold. ” “ Yeah, so does your liver, and it fucking sucks. ”

“ We have many flavors. They are all red. ”

“ I still lose my shit over those gushers like... What kind of psychological warfare was that? ”

“ ... So you WON'T tell me a bedtime story? ”

“ Look, I'll just be my own MILF. ”

“ Listen, she's not stereotypically pretty, but she's pretty in a way where she balances elegance and grotesqueness and that is like top tier pretty. ”

“ So THAT'S where the stick went. ”

“ Ooooh how I wish it would rain down... gays on me ♫ ”

“ FUCK, I CAN FAIL AT THINGS NOW? THIS IS BULLSHIT! ”

“ I wanna put the war god in the jar! For no reason! Just pranks! ”

“ I don't... think monsters come in straight? ”

“ Thankfully, I have enough titty to compensate for everyone else's lack of titty. ”

“ WE DESCENDED INTO BITING EACH OTHER ONCE AGAIN. As it is the standard state of existence for us. ”

“ What is execution, if not legal murder? ”

“ I almost forgot that most drugs are illegal. ”

“ [NAME] could bust into my room right now and say ‘ Hey, I'm drafting you into my demon army ’ and I'd simply hop into her arms. ”

“ For you, you know I would do much more than grind you into a paste and spread you far and wide! ”

“ ... We have graduated from Feral Anger to De-escalation Mode. The fridge may not be knocked over, after all. ”

“ THE TEXT ITSELF IS GAY, NO UNDERLYING TONE IS NECESSARY. ”

“ I know you’re small. You got that scrambling energy. ”

“ No shirts, no shoes, only gays? ”

“[NAME], I'm booked to terrorize you with visions of Christmas Future tonight. Just giving you a heads-up. ”

“ It's not a callout post, if you're just stating facts. ”

“ Therapy is a motion-based predator. ”

“ Please think of me but in a sexy way. ”

“ There is a sexy way to think of you? ”

“ YOU WHAT OUTTA HER MOUTH??? ”

“ Sometimes, it's okay to eat your friends when they insult you. ”

“ The twink has breached containment. ”

“ YOUR JUDGEMENT CANNOT STOP MY NOCTURNAL LIFESTYLE. ”

“ [NAME] is surprisingly malicious. ”

“ ... I am convinced [NAME] is on mind control shrooms. ”

“ You fool, he’s echolocating. ”

“ Snap him over my knee like a fuckin Slim Jim. ”

“ Hank Hill Ass Havin Twink. ”

“ Pff- as if I don't know how to handle a cursed sword. I'm a professional here! ”

“ OH NO. THE SMILIE OF SUFFERING. ”

“It’s Twink Hunting Season and [NAME] is a goddamn trophy buck.”

“ You put those cursed words back in your mouth or so help me. ”

“ Losing a thumb will do that to you. ”

“ GIVE ME DARKNESS. GIVE ME SNACKS. GIVE ME WIFI. ”

“ Got no clue, let me go ask the only one I know that hasn't tried to kill me. ”

“ This. This is why I drink when nobody's looking. ”

“ Hey... want to fly closer to the sun there, Icarus? ”

“ I'm burdened with just enough Naruto lore to be dangerous. ”

“ PUNCH! THAT! ASS! ”

“ That reminds me, I should Beanpost again. ”

“ I have no soul, only void. I feel NOTHING for tormenting friends. ”

“ That’s a lie, you are LYING. You love this and I know you love it. ”

“ We have subjugated the tiddy. ”

“ This is the carbon requirement for human transmutation. ”

“ I mean. Vampire fucker rights though. ”

“ At least take him on a date before you ask him to elope with you! ”

[memory-bees]

Fic Masterlist

♡- Fluff ♢- Angst ♧- Mulitchaptered ♤- Smut ☆- Au ✎- Series

These fics are sorted oldest to newest, I will be adding onto this as I continue to write.

Non Ship Fics

Change In Plans (♡) - Tim and Paul decide to go to the lake and Darry's dragged along.

Harsh (♢) - Sodapop thinks about Darry

Get It (♡) - Johnny's dropping out and he's told everyone. Almost everyone, that is.

Get Used To This (♡♢♧) - Just little fics abt The Mandalorian and The Child

Ship Fics

[Dar-Bit]

Missed Chances (♢) - Two-Bit has some regrets.

Heart Broken (♢) - N/A

Icy Roads (♢) - It's a few days before Darry's birthday and he gets a call.

It’s Okay (♢♡) - He was shaking like a leaf and Two-Bit was trying to keep him from floating away.

Nightmare (♡♢) - Darry has a nightmare, and Two-Bit hears him.

Blue (♢♡) - "And suddenly, blue was his favorite color again."

But you and I, we burn like a fire (♢☆) - “Tell me what's more beautiful; How the moon lets the sun shine throughout the day or the way the sun lets the moon glimmer at night?”

Maybe We Could Sleep In (♡) - Make you banana pancakes/Pretend like its the weekend now/We could pretend it all the time

Hoping To Hit You Somewhere Vital (♢☆♡♧) - and when i miss, you come and kiss me with a smile

Darrel Curtis’ Notebook (♢☆♡✎) - Darry has a notebook, and Two-Bit just so happens to find it.

[Tarry]

Bath Time (♡) - Tim and Darry take a bath together what else do you want me to say

I Got Everything (♡) - At my fingertips/How can I resist/When it feels like this?

I loved you as Icarus loved the sun- (♡♢) - Too close, Too much.

I was an island (♢♤) - Before you came along

Hoping To Hit You Somewhere Vital (♢☆♡♧) - and when i miss, you come and kiss me with a smile

[Stevepop]

Heavy (♢) - It's kinda shit but uhhhhh Steve and Soda gay lol

[Purly]

Weird Noises And Love Confessions (♡) - Ponyboy wakes up in middle of the night to a weird noise.

[Marcia x Sylvia]

please never fall in love again (♡) - could've been one lonely night/just like the others/but you lit up my life/this is what it's like to be lovers

[Daul]

Why do you build me up buttercup baby (♢) - Just to let me down and mess around/And then worst of all you never call baby/When you say you will, but I love you still

[PazDin]

when my time comes around (♡) - lay me gently in the cold dark earth/no grave can hold my body down/i'll crawl home to her

Tigaanur (♡♢♧♤) - Tigaanur (tee-GAH-noor); Touch

I Found Love (Where It Wasn’t Supposed To Be) (♡♢♧) - And I'll use you as a focal point/So I don't lose sight of what I want

Cyare’se (♢☆♡✎) - Fics about Paz and Din

[Destiel]

I’ve Been Thinking About You (♡) - Dean thinks about Castiel a lot and finally does something about it.

[Merthur]

A narrative waste of patches and light (♡♢) - We grew up in the suburbs then we cut all our ties/Now just take a look at this through Gwyllian eyes/You're wrong my friend, the road, it bends a bit to the right

Lungs (♡♢) - He tried to push through, to make his aching lungs take in more air and keep going, he couldn’t.

[Merlin/Lancelot]

Wasn’t it love soon as we knew each other properly? (♡) - Livin' 'bout half right 'til a certain person got to me/Nothin' is secret, everythin's sacred, how it ought to be/Under the moonlight on a clear night

Multifandom

[Romeo and Juliet, Merlin, Original Work]

Whether by accident or fortune (♡♢♧) - You and I/We are matter/And it matters  Multifandom collection of ficlets. I'll add to this sporadically. 

Original Work

Hanahaki (♡♢♧) - ‘Anemone: Forsaken, forgotten love, affection.’

Happiness (♢♧) - So, Happiness, here's to you.

Eternity (♡) - “Nothing is a matter of life and death except life and death.”

Headcanon Masterlist

[nikkywrites]

Day 1: Disinterest

This and the thirty things after is things I did for Creatober -- a prompt a day for a month. I think after I get through the 31 prompts, I might be done transferring things. How exciting! The end is within sight!

No edits except maybe a bit of grammar/rewording.

*****

Amelia is like the sun, in a lot of aspects. Her laughter radiates warmth, as do her hugs, and she brightens the darkest of people. She's alluring in that she's kind and gentle and selfless.

She's prattling about an interest -- honestly she can't remember what exactly it is, but knows it's nothing she has any interest in -- and the passion is a night sky in her eyes.

Most won't make the sun comparison, will dive for the easier earth, nature, the trees. But while she's dark in her skin and hair and eyes, she uses herself to reflect brightness. To make a super powered flashlight from a single flickering candle.

She's bright and warm in all the ways that aren't misleading aesthetics. She can't help how she looks, but she dresses in bright colors that look neon on her. She acts the part and in all the ways she controls her looks, she looks it too.

She is the sun. Simple. Undebatable.

Pearl is not Icarus.

She is not easily drawn in by simple promises and warmth that's so often fleeting. She grew up in cages of ice and she won't melt at the first sign of warmth.

Winter was eternal and summer was temporary.

"'Melia," Pearl says, a near inaudible quiver to her voice. She means to continue after that, to say her request all at once and confidently, but she freezes.

(It's all she's ever done.)

The bright brunette before her is attentive and hears the call of her name in the midst of her rant about inconsistent characters and lackluster plot lines. She halts her passion to hear what her friend has to say. "Yeah?"

Her eyes are glimmering like a moonlit pond and if Pearl swung that way (she doesn't), she'd be in trouble. Big, big trouble. It was effortless to fall into those eyes, to get sucked into the riptide and not care about whether or not you drowned.

Pearl hears the sick amused laugh of her mother ringing in her ears. "Can we talk about something else?" Her heart is pounding, racing, and she's preemptively hearing taunts her mother has thrown out a thousand times before.

Amelia’s eyes flicker, a few of the stars dying in a supernova. “Oh.” Her expression’s shift is slight, but stark. “Yeah, sure.” Her lips lift after, a smile, but this one doesn’t spread any warmth, doesn’t niggle at something in the other girl’s chest, and doesn't light her eyes like usual. “I guess I was rambling, huh?”

She sighs. There’s guilt, now, grappling against her fear. She wasn’t a great listener. She wishes she was, wishes she was the ever-present shoulder and unwavering hand, but her mind has learned to tune out long rambles to avoid the barbs hidden in the words. Amelia isn’t malicious like that, of course, but habit is habit and it’s hard to change.

“I’m sorry,” she says, cradling her cup in her hand, warm like Amelia had been before she got greedy and snuffed it out. “It’s just…” she slides her other hand down her face. “I’m having trouble keeping up, everything has been so,” she waves her hand through the air, “muddled, lately.” Choking. Stifling.

Amelia digests the words, pursing her full lips. “Alright. What would you rather we talk about, then?”

Oh, the kindness. Nothing hurts quite like it. Not when she was undeserving of it -- who was she to stop her spiel? Her mind was a whirlwind, true, but that was her issue to deal with. Not Amelia’s.

“Did you see the newest episode of Project Paranormal?”

“Of course!”

Pearl bites the corner of her lip, masking her smile. “Well, I didn’t catch it. Mind giving me the rundown?”

Dramatically, the other girl gapes. “You missed it? After the cliffhanger from the last episode?”

Pearl recalls said cliffhanger. She remembers watching it in the living room on her couch. She winces. “Yeah. I was… busy.” Grounded from TV, more like. Her mother had come home early and seen what her daughter was watching. She didn’t approve.

No daughter of mine will worship the devil, she’d said, practically hissed. The cross at her neck had felt like hellfire then.

That cross is tucked into her pocket now, still burning. (Always burning.)

“Well, you see…” Amelia hops onto the new train of rambling quite quickly — she’s made to talk in that her words are bait on a hook. She draws others in, for better or worse or worst.

Maybe the Icarus comparison isn’t too far off.

Maybe she was already in too deep, over her head and drowning in honey. Sweetness all around, but too much.

What was Icarus’ mistake, anyways? When the sun calls, Apollo’s pretty words and reaching hand, was he supposed to ignore that? God’s attention, no matter how meager or plenty, is not something for a mortal to pass up. Especially a summons. Especially when the sun had been so scarce for him.

He hadn’t really had a choice, in the end, except in how he’d like to go. A mindless plummet into the freezing, or a soaring arch into the smile of a carefree god?

Pearl was quite like Icarus in a lot of ways. If she had to choose between her blood, who were far less sacrificing then Daedalus had been, or her sun, she’d burn too.

There were far more unpleasant things than dying in a fire one chooses.

“You’re kidding,” Pearl gasps, derailing her inner thoughts for the shocking tidbit she just heard (she’s good at multitasking, on some things). “That’s what happened? No shit?”

“Nope. That was how she died.”

“Never would have guessed that. Shit.” She takes a sip of her coffee. “Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been a bit MIA lately.” This is their first time speaking in a couple of weeks -- by far the longest gap of silence they’ve ever had, though it wasn’t all silent and wasn’t preplanned.

The long list of one-sided texts, gray bubbles with read receipts on and no replies, vouches for that. Let’s have a movie night soon! Hey, wanna go to the fair while it’s here? Are you okay? Did something happen? Text me back! Coffee? I miss you <3 Tell me that you’re ok. Texts that had gone unanswered.

Texts that had sent Pearl’s parents breathing down her neck.

But she hadn’t been busy, like she’d said she had been when she finally got around to replying. Though she actually had been busy. Fielding questions, praying, going to church, fending off her mother’s paranoia about her daughter turning to the devil, ignoring her father’s disapproval. All of her parent’s overbearingness was unneeded. They were just friends, Amelia and Pearl. Nothing more. And Pearl didn’t swing that way, didn’t daydream about the softness of the other girl’s fingers wrapped in her own or of the gloss shining on her lips. No. She wasn’t gay. That was sinful.

“Hey, it’s cool.” Amelia smiles, radiant and honest. Pearl feels the guilt again.

Liars will burn in the lake of fire and sulfur.

She was lying. She actually… kind of really did like Amelia. Like Icarus did Apollo, like Juliet did Romeo.

She sips her drink again, wishes it was still hot enough to scald her tongue. “Go ahead and tell me about the other thing.”

“You sure?”

She nods. She can sit through an hour’s worth of what’s drivel to her but gold to the other. Sacrifice. Small things. She can handle listening to the other girl’s joy if she must. One day, she may even actually follow through on one of the thousand book recommendations she’s received. She’s not a reader, finds it hard to focus on something utterly silent and blocked with words, but maybe she’ll try one day. One day when she’ll be living on her own, out of her parent’s toxicity. One day when she’ll be free to watch whatever she wants. One day when she can…

Well, the future was the future. Not here. Unpredictable. Subject to whims. Bound to change drastically from tiny choices, a butterfly’s wings. But there were some certainties.

Pearl and Amelia would stay friends. Amelia will always ramble on about her books while the other listens with more amusement and fondness than any real interest in the topic. They will drink coffee and stay at each other’s side, together.

As friends, obviously. At least at first.

But until then, there was today. Coffee and friends and a rambling she doesn’t care about (same as the future, except here there are no touches that blatantly linger).

One day things would be different. But today was pretty good.

[nikkyshows]

Day One: Disinterest

And so Creatober 2020 begins! This, admittedly, might have gone off prompt, but its there if you squint? I have a bad habit of getting carried away with something and having the story get away from me. But I tried. That’s what counts, right?

Warnings for religion/toxic Christianity, anti lgbt mentions, keeping someone in the closet, controlling/overbearing parents, some cursing, mention of tv ghosts.

*****

Amelia is like the sun, in a lot of aspects. Her laughter radiates warmth, as do her hugs, and she brightens the darkest of people. She’s alluring in that she’s kind and gentle and selfless.

She’s prattling about an interest — honestly she can’t remember what exactly it is, but knows it’s nothing she has any interest in — and the passion is a night sky in her eyes.

Most won’t make the sun comparison, will dive for the easier earth, nature, the trees. But while she’s dark in her skin and hair and eyes, she uses herself to reflect brightness. To make a super powered flashlight from a single flickering candle.

She’s bright and warm in all the ways that aren’t misleading aesthetics. She can’t help how she looks, but she dresses in bright colors that look neon on her. She acts the part and in all the ways she controls her looks, she looks it too.

She is the sun. Simple. Undebatable.

Pearl is not Icarus.

She is not easily drawn in by simple promises and warmth that’s so often fleeting. She grew up in cages of ice and she won’t melt at the first sign of warmth.

Winter was eternal and summer was temporary.

“‘Melia,” Pearl says, a nearly inaudible quiver to her voice. She means to continue after that, to say her request all at once and confidently, but she freezes.

(It’s all she’s ever done.)

The bright brunette before her is attentive and hears the call of her name in the midst of her rant about inconsistent characters and lackluster plot lines. She halts her passion to hear what her friend has to say. “Yeah?”

Her eyes are glimmering like a moonlit pond and if Pearl swung that way (she doesn’t), she’d be in trouble. Big, big trouble. It was effortless to fall into those eyes, to get sucked into the riptide and not care whether or not you drowned.

Pearl hears the sick amused laugh of her mother ringing in her ears. “Can we talk about something else?” Her heart is pounding, racing, and she’s preemptively hearing taunts her mother has thrown out a thousand times before.

Amelia’s eyes flicker, a few of the stars dying in a supernova. “Oh.” Her expression’s shift is slight, but stark. “Yeah, sure.” Her lips lift after, a smile, but this one doesn’t spread any warmth, doesn’t niggle at something in the other girl’s chest, and doesn't light her eyes like usual. “I guess I was rambling, huh?”

She sighs. There’s guilt, now, grappling against her fear. She wasn’t a great listener. She wishes she was, wishes she was the ever-present shoulder and unwavering hand, but her mind has learned to tune out long rambles to avoid the barbs hidden in the words. Amelia isn’t malicious like that, of course, but habit is habit and it’s hard to change.

“I’m sorry,” she says, cradling her cup in her hand, warm like Amelia had been before she got greedy and snuffed it out. “It’s just…” she slides her other hand down her face. “I’m having trouble keeping up, everything has been so,” she waves her hand through the air, “muddled, lately.” Choking. Stifling.

Amelia digests the words, pursing her full lips. “Alright. What would you rather we talk about, then?”

Oh, the kindness. Nothing hurts quite like it. Not when she was undeserving of it -- who was she to stop her spiel? Her mind was a whirlwind, true, but that was her issue to deal with. Not Amelia’s.

“Did you see the newest episode of Project Paranormal?”

“Of course!”

Pearl bites the corner of her lip, masking her smile. “Well, I didn’t catch it. Mind giving me the rundown?”

Dramatically, the other girl gapes. “You missed it? After the cliffhanger from the last episode?”

Pearl recalls said cliffhanger. She remembers watching it in the living room on her couch. She winces. “Yeah. I was… busy.” Grounded from TV, more like. Her mother had come home early and seen what her daughter was watching. She didn’t approve.

No daughter of mine will worship the devil, she’d said, practically hissed. The cross at her neck had felt like hellfire then.

That cross is tucked into her pocket now, still burning. (Always burning.)

“Well, you see…” Amelia hops onto the new train of rambling quite quickly — she’s made to talk in that her words are bait on a hook. She draws others in, for better or worse or worst.

Maybe the Icarus comparison isn’t too far off.

Maybe she was already in too deep, over her head and drowning in honey. Sweetness all around, but too much.

What was Icarus’ mistake, anyways? When the sun calls, Apollo’s pretty words and reaching hand, was he supposed to ignore that? God’s attention, no matter how meager or plenty, is not something for a mortal to pass up. Especially a summons. Especially when the sun had been so scarce for him.

He hadn’t really had a choice, in the end, except in how he’d like to go. A mindless plummet into the freezing, or a soaring arch into the smile of a carefree god?

Pearl was quite like Icarus in a lot of ways. If she had to choose between her blood, who were far less sacrificing then Daedalus had been, or her sun, she’d burn too.

There were far more unpleasant things than dying in a fire one chooses.

“You’re kidding,” Pearl gasps, derailing her inner thoughts for the shocking tidbit she just heard (she’s good at multitasking, on some things). “That’s what happened? No shit?”

“Nope. That was how she died.”

“Never would have guessed that. Shit.” She takes a sip of her coffee. “Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been a bit MIA lately.” This is their first time speaking in a couple of weeks -- by far the longest gap of silence they’ve ever had, though it wasn’t all silent and wasn’t preplanned.

The long list of one-sided texts, gray bubbles with read receipts on and no replies, vouches for that. Let’s have a movie night soon! Hey, wanna go to the fair while it’s here? Are you okay? Did something happen? Text me back! Coffee? I miss you <3 Tell me you’re ok. Texts that had gone unanswered.

Texts that had sent Pearl’s parents breathing down her neck.

But she hadn’t been busy, like she’d said she had been when she finally got around to replying. Though she actually had been busy. Fielding questions, praying, going to church, fending off her mother’s paranoia about her daughter turning to the devil, ignoring her father’s disapproval. All of her parent’s overbearingness was unneeded. They were just friends, Amelia and Pearl. Nothing more. And Pearl didn’t swing that way, didn’t daydream about the softness of the other girl’s fingers wrapped in her own or of the gloss shining on her lips. No. She wasn’t gay. That was sinful.

“Hey, it’s cool.” Amelia smiles, radiant and honest. Pearl feels the guilt again.

Liars will burn in the lake of fire and sulfur.

She was lying. She actually… kind of really did like Amelia. Like Icarus did Apollo, like Juliet did Romeo.

She sips her drink again, wishes it was still hot enough to scald her tongue. “Go ahead and tell me about the other thing.”

“You sure?”

She nods. She can sit through an hour’s worth of what’s drivel to her but gold to the other. Sacrifice. Small things. She can handle listening to the other girl’s joy if she must. One day, she may even actually follow through on one of the thousand book recommendations she’s received. She’s not a reader, finds it hard to focus on something utterly silent and blocked with words, but maybe she’ll try one day. One day when she’ll be living on her own, out of her parent’s toxicity. One day when she’ll be free to watch whatever she wants. One day when she can…

Well, the future was the future. Not here. Unpredictable. Subject to whims. Bound to change drastically from tiny choices, a butterfly’s wings. But there were some certainties.

Pearl and Amelia would stay friends. Amelia will always ramble on about her books while the other listens with more amusement and fondness than any real interest in the topic. They will drink coffee and stay at each other’s side, together.

As friends, obviously. At least at first.

But until then, there was today. Coffee and friends and a rambling she doesn’t care about (same as the future, except here there are no touches that blatantly linger).

One day things would be different. But today was pretty good.

*****

At some point this month, I’ll add a Creatober section and throw everything I manage to do there. Don’t hate me if I don’t manage all 31 prompts?

[hms-chill]

The Chaos Before the Storm

@teresalisbon asked for “a RWRB AU where they didn't have that first kiss but they're still friends and what leaks this time is like a private convo between Henry and pez where he manages to both insult and say he's in love with alex and... it goes from there”, and I hope this is everything you wanted! 

If you’re not sold by that, my working title for this was “Alex’s Bi Awakening: Speed-Run Edition”

Just a quick heads up that there is homophobia from Henry’s gran in here, and a reference to using alcohol to cope with that. Stay safe y’all.

-

There are some moments in history that people say they'll never forget. They'll know exactly where they were when they heard the news, know exactly what they were doing and remember it for the rest of their lives. Alex has always been a bit skeptical of that; high school psych taught them about the formation of memories and how easily they can change, and they looked at studies of people confidently claiming two different stories about where they were on 9/11. But he knows that, for the rest of his existence on planet earth, he will remember this day shot by shot, exactly as it happens.

He's on a couch with Nora and June, watching old episodes of Parks and Rec and trying to relax for once when Zahra slams open the door.

"Alexander Gabriel, what did you do?" There's a laptop in her hand, and she slams it on the coffee table in front of them moments after Alex snatches his coffee. June barely has time to pause the TV before Henry's voice is coming out of the laptop speakers, and Alex feels a familiar warmth spread through him before the dread kicks in. This isn't Press Henry, this is a private version of Henry. It's a Henry that should never, ever, be playing from a major news website, but Zahra is playing it from the Mail's homepage nonetheless.

"He just drives me up the fucking wall. I mean, he’s so impulsive all the time; he doesn’t even stop to consider that maybe not all of us can just flaunt everything we are to the world. Maybe, just maybe, some of us have families who won’t support us, and if he could understand that... he’s just so bloody thick, and I hate it so much sometimes. Beside that, he just... he doesn’t listen, or pick up on things; he’s so... you know how Mark Hamill didn't know that Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford were sleeping together when they were filming A New Hope, so he'd just show up for breakfast to hang out? He's like that. He's so confident and sure of himself, but he misses so many things, and I'm trying so hard, but he... I just don’t understand how he can be so... so much, and so himself all the time, especially when everyone’s watching him. I mean, you can do it, but you... you’re only in the public eye because of me.”

“Careful, Babes. I’m more than just your arm candy and attention sponge.” It's Pez's voice, and that makes it worse somehow. Henry is talking to one of the two people who have always been on his side, and it's available for anyone on the planet to listen to.

“You’re also not the son of the president of a global powerhouse.”

“If he makes you so upset, you could just stop seeing him.”

“This is a ‘mope about being in love with an idiot’ session; I don’t actually want you to tell me things. I can’t stop seeing him and we both know it. I’m... I fell too hard, Pez. It was that blasted day in Rio; I was just trying to get through and then he waltzes in, all sunlight and warmth, and he never stopped being that way. Never even gave me a chance to save myself. He’s just all this love and coziness and sunlight, and I’m just a bloody Icarus, I can’t... I’m going to burn myself up just to be near him.“

“Okay, Mister, I think that’s enough of this.” There’s a rustling sound, and a few feeble protests from Henry before he lapses back into singing Alex’s praises.

"He's just... his hair is so nice, and he doesn't care, and he's... he's not scared. I'm so scared all the time, but he's not. He's tough and brave."

"So are you, Hen." There are more sounds of movement, and the voices start moving away. Pez must have gotten Henry up.

"Not as brave as him. He's... he's just himself in front of everyone."

Zahra closes the laptop, turning to Alex. "It cuts off there. This leaked from Buckingham ten minutes ago; we're not sure how or why it happened. But so help me, if you are seeing the prince of Wales, we need to know yesterday."

"I'm... If I'm what? If I'm... no. No, Henry and I are... we're friends. I'm straight. And maybe sometimes I think about how his hair looks really soft and his lips look nice and he looks good in a suit but that’s, like, objective stuff. And one time he spoke French and I couldn't get my brain to work for like two minutes, but that's just because it's impressive when someone knows multiple languages. And yeah, maybe I haven’t been interested in dating since we started hanging out, but we’ve been busy. And maybe he’s the first person I’ve met in years that I can’t imagine a life without, and sometimes I think about how much I miss him when I can't sleep because one time we shared a hotel bed because we were drunk and it was really, really nice, but that’s just like... friend stuff. I mean, yeah, maybe last time we were at the lake house he had his shirt off and I thought about it for like two weeks after, but — oh my god, am I bi?”

Nora’s buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with laughter. Near the door, Amy’s face sinks into her hand, and June heaves a long-suffering sigh.

“Jesus Christ, Alex. You used to sneak into my room to leave greasy little fingerprints all over a picture of him; how are you so smart and yet still this stupid?”

"But I... if I was... shit, I'm... I'm not seeing him, but maybe I want to? Fuck, Z, how is he?"

“Buckingham’s shut down; they’re not talking to anyone. We’re calling every five minutes, but it’s radio silence.”

“I’ll— can I text him? That should be okay, right?”

“You can try. This... we were planning to issue a statement saying the two of you are just good friends, but maybe you should talk to him first. I’ll... your mom doesn't know yet; she's in a secure meeting, but I'm sure we’ll back your play, Alex.”

“I need... I need to talk to Henry.” Henry who he’s been drawn to for years. Henry who’s seen all his weird gross parts and apparently loves him anyway. Henry who just got outed on a major level. Alex isn’t mentioned by name on the recording; lots of important people were in Rio that day. They could claim it’s not about him, and that could be it, but Henry’s stuck. It is undeniably him, and it is undeniably gay.

So Alex texts him. And when he doesn’t answer, he calls. And when that doesn’t go through, he calls again, then calls Bea. And, god bless her, she answers the phone.

“How is he?”

“Alex, I need—“

“Is Henry okay? I need to talk to him.”

“You and the rest of the bloody world.”

“How is he? Is he... what happened?”

“We think a big came in on a bottle of brandy. Gran is furious; we’re not meant to be speaking to anyone outside until he's... until she’s sent him on a date. She’s trying to get one lined up now. I'm... I'm trying to get one of my friends to go, so at least he'll know the girl, but...”

“How is he?”

“He... he’s not good, Alex. He’s... it’s not been good here. Pez was by but they wouldn’t let him in, but they let bloody Phillip come down. Mum stopped by, but she hasn’t been good for much of anything since Dad died. It... I’m just trying to keep him from getting absolutely sloshed or panicking too much. It's... it's mostly crisis management, if I’m honest.”

“Can I talk to him?”

Bea sighs, then says, “Let me ask him. He’s... I think he’s scared to talk to you, Love.”

“I... I understand. I’m not mad, or... or anything. We just... we need to talk. I... I’ll come there. It’ll take ages, but if it’ll help, I... I’ll come to y’all and talk to him face to face.” Alex looks around to see if anyone is going to tell him that won’t work, but he’s alone except for June, stretched out on the couch and trying not to listen. He's not sure when Zahra and the others left, but he's suddenly glad.

“I’ll... I’ll ask him. Give me a moment.”

There’s a bit of white noise, then Alex can hear Bea quietly asking Henry something. He can’t hear the response, but what he can hear of Henry’s voice breaks his heart. It’s shaky, but beyond that it just sounds flat, defeated. All the life, all the beautiful honest bits that make it Henry’s voice, have gone out of it. Alex can picture him, huddled in a couch corner in one of Buckingham’s impersonal rooms full of dead people’s furniture, and it’s awful. Bea says something else, then she’s back, quietly.

“Now’s... he’s not quite up to it. I’m sorry; it’s... it’s been a long few hours, and he...”

“I get it. I know. Just... I hope he’s okay. Tell him that? That I... I’m on his side, and whatever Catholic is left in me is praying to any saint who might be willing to help us out? And when... when he does feel up to it, if he could call me, I... I’d like that. Thank you, Bea.”

“Of course. I... we’ll be thinking about you, too. And whatever Gran says, I’m not going to let them cut you and Pez out of things. You’re just as much a part of this as anyone.”

“Thank you. I'm... I'm glad he has you to love him and fight for him. You’re a gift, Bea, you really are.”

“So are you, you know. I... if he had to give this much of himself to anyone, I’m glad it was you.”

Alex manages a thank you and a goodbye past the sudden lump in his throat, then hangs up and turns to June.

“Uh, Bug? If... if I fly to England right now to try to sort this out, that’s stupid, right?”

“Supremely. I’ll ask if Amy or Cash are free to go with you, and I’ll see if Zahra can get you a hotel in case they won’t let you into Buckingham. Pack for at least three days, and bring your navy suit, the one you wore when Mom got elected. Pack those X-Wing cufflinks if you feel like they’re lucky, silver tie clip, dark gray tie and shoes in case you're meeting the queen. You’ll want a book for the flight, and I’ll get some snacks from the kitchen, then I’ll... I’ll hold down the fort here. Nora and Mom and I will figure out something to say to distract the press from this for as long as we can. We’ll start fostering a litter of kittens or something; the press loves a cute photo op, and we should raise awareness for shelter pets anyway.”

“You’re the best, Bug, I mean it.”

“Oh, and uh, Nora and I... we got you something. I’ll bring it with the snacks.”

She shoos him into his room to pack, and she's back a few minutes later with a bag of snacks and a little pin. It's a lapel pin with two flags, and for a second, Alex assumes it's got the British and American flags, a final component to his just-in-case-you-meet-the-queen look. But then he looks closely, and it’s an American flag and a bi pride flag. He's surprised to realize he's a little choked up.

“Nora's already started trying to find out where the leak came from, but, uh, we love you a lot, and we wanted you to know that as soon as you wanted to tell us.”

“How long have y’all known?”

“Honestly? I knew something was up when I found those fingerprints on Henry’s picture in that magazine. I... I left my door open and didn't throw it out or move it so you could keep going back and tell me whenever you were ready. Nora knew pretty early too; definitely before you and Liam got together. We got this once you and Nora broke up though. And... and a few more. We got like three different flags so we’d be ready no matter what.”

“Before me and Liam... fuck, did I date Liam? Was that a relationship?”

“Alex, I love you so much and I genuinely think you’re brilliant, but sometimes I wonder if your brain is in your head.”

“But we... shit. Shit; I should call him.”

“And do what, Alex? What in the world would calling him do?”

“I don’t know; I could apologize? Catch up?”

“You’re about to fly across an ocean to get yourself a royal boyfriend. Calling your accidental high school ex to 'catch up' can wait.”

“You’re right. Did... did Mom and Z say I can go?”

“They did. I think Z’s going with you, and so’s Cash. They’re prepping a plane now.”

“Thanks, Bug. You... you’re the best.”

“You have everything you need?”

“I think so? Pajamas, clothes, that suit you said, shoes, chargers and adapters...”

“You bring a book?”

“A couple. And hot Cheetos, because Pez likes those but they don’t have them. And a chocolate orange for Henry, because he likes those, and those weird new Oreos, because tradition. It’s good luck to bring them weird Oreos, and they’re always curious about the weird new flavor, even if half of them are shit.”

“It’s going to be fine. We love you, okay? No matter what happens, we love you.”

“I know. I’m not worried about me, I’m... it’s him I’m worried about. His grandma’s already setting up a fake date for him, and he’s all alone in that big palace full of dead people’s shit. And he... it’s just him and Bea against everyone, and I’m scared. I know I've got you and mom and everyone here on my side, but he's... I just... even if it all goes to shit for us, I want him to be okay.”

“And here I thought he was the Prince Charming of the relationship. Go get him, Alex. We’re rooting for you.” She hugs him, and he hugs her back. She beams at him as she pulls away. "This is so Austen; he’ll love it. Very ‘Tilney-going-after-Catherine’ at the end of Northanger. Send Bea and Pez my love, alright? And tell Henry we're all rooting for him here.”

“Of course.”

She’s got another hug for him, then they’re downstairs, and he’s hugging his mom and Nora and climbing in a car with Zahra and Cash. He calls Bea again from the air, and it sounds like Henry’s the closest to sleep he’s going to get. His date is set for the next day, and Bea knows the details. With that, they start to formulate a plan.

The next day, Alex is at the English Rose Café and Tea Shop at 9:48 AM. He’s in a hat, and he sits at an outdoor table with his back to the street. He gets a double espresso, because it’s been a hell of a last 24 hours. Cash is somewhere being inconspicuous, and Alex isn’t sure where exactly that is, but he can feel the support radiating off him.

At 9:52, Pez walks into the shop and sits down near one of the windows. He waves to Alex, and Alex nods, smiling a bit. Bea arrives at 9:56 and joins Pez. Alex’s leg is bouncing under the table. He doesn’t order another coffee, even if he wants to, because any more energy in his system would almost certainly be a disaster.

At 9:58, a very pretty girl sits down at a table near Alex. She smiles at him, he smiles back. He drops a napkin, they both bend to get it, and he hands her a note. She nods.

At 10:01, Alex sees a car pull up behind them in the reflection in the shop’s big front windows. The person who steps out barely looks like Henry. He moves robotically to sit across from the girl, and when he sits, Alex can see the bloodshot eyes, the shaking hands. He’s trying so hard to play the part he’s supposed to play, but he just looks miserable.

He can barely meet the girl’s eyes. The car leaves, but the photographer it drops off is anything but subtle. The girl pushes her hair back and orders for both of them. Henry just nods. The camera clicks.

Then there’s Cash’s voice, asking for directions in the Spanish he’s picked up from the Diaz family. Alex glances over, and the photographer is distracted.

The girl at Henry’s table excuses herself to go to the bathroom. Alex waits a second, then slides over to sit in front of Henry. For a second, he doesn’t react, so Alex reaches over to take one of the shaking hands in his own. Henry starts.

“Alex? What... you can’t be here. This... you can’t...”

“It’s okay. It’s... we need to talk, but just... I’m... fuck, I thought this would be easier to say. I want... if you want to date I’d be down for that. But also I really like being friends. But also, if you wanted to do more than that, I... I’ve maybe very suddenly realized I’ve had a crush on you since I was twelve. I can see Bea’s friend coming, but this is the address for the hotel where I’m staying. She’s going to suggest a walk after this, and if... if you want to talk, I’ll be there. I’m in your corner no matter what, though. Nora and June and everyone back home is, too. You’re the bravest person I know, and I love you.”

Alex is back in his seat before Henry has time to respond, leaving the hotel’s business card on the table. Bea’s friend comes to sit across from Henry, Cash breaks off his conversation with the photographer, and Alex pays for his coffee inside. He stops at Bea and Pez’s table to fill them in, then goes back to his hotel.

He gets there at 10:14. Cash appears by his side at 10:15. Zahra is down from her room at 10:28 to let them know that Buckingham’s official plan is to publish the pictures of the date and act like nothing incriminating was leaked.

At 10:33, Henry and Bea’s friend round the corner. She has an arm around his waist, but it looks more like she’s supporting him than anything else. She asks him something, and he nods. She starts toward them, waving a bit, and Alex is moving almost before he’s aware of it. He meets them half a block from the hotel, wrapping an arm around Henry, too. Bea’s friend shoots him a little smile. Henry is shaking like a leaf, but he gets an arm over Alex’s shoulder nonetheless.

At the hotel, they say goodbye to Bea’s friend, and Alex leads the way to the elevator. He can feel his heart racing, but he’s doing everything he can to stay calm. This isn’t his moment to panic.

The minute the hotel door closes behind them, Alex hugs Henry with everything in him. He can feel the tension in Henry’s body, and he’s been seeing the exhaustion all day, and he wants nothing more than to get rid of all of it. He wants to squeeze the sadness and the anxiety and all the bad things out. But Henry’s still shaking, and he doesn’t move to hug Alex back. After a minute, Alex pulls away and Henry says, “I... I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t... I didn’t... I...”

“Hen? It’s okay. Let’s... let’s sit down.” He has no idea if this is the right thing to do, but he sits on the couch, pulling Henry down with him.

“I’m sorry. I... that shouldn’t... this shouldn’t have happened. None of this should have happened, and you never should have gotten pulled into this, and you have every right to be mad and never speak to me again and I... I’m sorry.”

“What? I’m... I'm not mad. Don’t apologize. I... I’m... I think maybe I have a crush on you, too. It... no, I don’t think. I know I have a thing for you. Sorry; it’s... with time zones and everything, I think it’s been just a little over a day since I realized I was bi, so it’s... it’s an adjustment.”

Henry lets out a bit of a laugh at that, and though it’s miles from what his laugh should be, it’s better than the panic or tears. It's miles better than the numbness he's seen all day.

“That doesn’t change things, though. I mean, I’m into you, but me being bi doesn’t change anything. This whole thing doesn’t have to change anything; if you want to we can just... we can ignore it and go back to being friends.”

Henry shakes his head, and Alex feels a bit of a thrill. “I... I don’t... no. Don’t ignore it. I... if you want to, it... I don’t know if I can, or if I’ll be allowed, but I want... I want to try. With you.”

“Me, too. I really, really want to try with you.”

Henry sniffles a bit, and Alex wraps him in another hug. He buries his face in Alex’s shoulder, and Alex realizes he’s mostly stopped shaking.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay, I promise. I’ll make sure.”

“Sorry. I... I might need you to tell me all this again later; I'll think I made it up. I... I’m... I’m a little drunk. I can’t do it sober.”

“Can’t do what?”

“These... these dates. I can’t do them sober anymore, and Bea tried to help today, but she left earlier than me and it...” He trails off with a miserable hiccup.

“Oh, Hen. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m sorry they’re doing this to you; it’s not right. It’s... I’m going to fight your grandma and bring you home with me. And then my family are going to love you to pieces, like they already do, and things will be okay.”

Henry lets out a watery laugh as Alex’s phone buzzes. It’s Bea, so he pets Henry’s hair (which is exactly as soft as he used to imagine) and answers, filling her in and letting her know it’s okay to come up. So she and Pez do, and by the time they’re there, Henry is snoring softly with his face in Alex’s shoulder. Bea just smiles and tells them that Henry hasn’t slept since the leak yesterday morning as she drapes a blanket over him. Pez digs through Alex’s bag to unearth a packet of root beer float Oreos, and he and Bea settle around the coffee table to try them.

They facetime the White House to fill everyone in, and though Alex knows they’ve got a fight coming, he’s strangely calm. Henry is safe, and whatever comes next, they have each other and a family to walk through it with.

On AO3

Notes:

Fun fact; Mark Hamill was "too busy being young and pretty" to notice that Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford were sleeping together/ that he was aggressively cockblocking them on at least one occasion. What an icon. Also, re: June's Northanger reference, Tilney is the Rich Bachelor of the book. His father thinks that Catherine, the hero, isn't good enough for their family and makes her leave their house in a really disgusting show of rudeness and spite. Tilney chases her down and proposes to her anyway, and it's way more romantic and self-sacrificing than anything Fitzwilliam ever did imo. - After this fic, I like to think that Alex, Zahra, and Cash took Henry straight to the airport and back to DC, where he cuddled with the litter of kittens June and Nora picked up and Bea and Pez fought the queen for a while so he could have a break.

[knives-out20]

404 Hetero Not Found - Erik Lehnsherr x Male!OC

Fandom: X-Men

Pairing: Karmel Rosenstein (OC) x Erik Lehnsherr

Warnings: gay shit, hinting at some fuckin, 

Notes: Grimm and Cecelio are my other 2 X-Men OC’s. Enjoy.

Karmel sat on his bed in his room in the X-Mansion, back against the wall and legs straight. He softly hummed ‘Icarus’, a song he had made up with Grimm and Cecelio. Karmel raised his eyebrows, when he heard his door open.

”For the last time, Alex, I’m not gonna let you cut some of my vines to see if you can try to smoke with the-” he stopped when he opened his eyes, turning to see who came in.

Erik stood at the door, rightfully confused.

“Erik-bear” Karmel breathed out a smile of relief. His eyes trailed down Erik’s body.”Thank fuck, I thought you were-”

“Alex, I heard. What exactly does he want to do with your vines, again?” Erik furrowed his eyebrows softly, making his way over to the bed.

Karmel waved his hand dismissively, turning away.”Ah, it’s nothing. Alex just wants to find out if he can smoke my vines like weed and get double the effect or something.”

“Can he?” Erik asked, teasing. He stood by the bed now, looking down at Karmel.

“Fuck if I know, I don’t think so” Karmel shrugged, making grabby hands up at Erik.

Erik chuckled softly, getting onto the bed and straddling Karmel.”I’d assume it’d have the same effect as trying to smoke vines in general. It’s regular plants, not cannabis.”

“Ah, it’s Alex, here” Karmel reminded, fingers stroking repeatedly up and down Erik’s hips.”Doubt he even knows how to spell my name, what would he know about the probability of my plant powers being able to double as a drug?” He asked, looking up at Erik with enough light in his eyes to light up the whole mansion.

Erik gently cupped his cheek.”I suppose you’re right about that, Karmel” he agreed.

“As always.”

Erik grinned, watching Karmel lean into his touch. He glanced down, “this is wrong.”

“Hmm?” Karmel hummed absent-mindedly, the only thing running through his blond head being, well, Erik.

Erik got off of Karmel (painfully ignoring the pout it brought onto Karmel’s lips) and sat down beside him, back against the wall and legs straightened out. He pat his thighs.”Up you go” Erik purred, a sly smirk on his mouth.

Karmel looked extremely intrigued, climbing onto Erik’s lap to straddle him.”Yea, y’know, the more I think about it, this is much better” he nodded, puckering his lips.

Erik leaned in, kissing him as both his hands took Karmel’s suspenders off.”I agree” he chuckled against Karmel’s lips.

Karmel put his hands on Erik’s shoulders, pressing his lips against the others’ as he felt his tie becoming loose, undone, and put on his bedside table. He smiled; most people would toss their ties aside in moments like this, but not Erik. Karmel knew that Erik knew how much Karmel’s ties meant to him (they were Karmel’s fathers’ ties, after all) and treated the ties with as much care as he could, no matter what.

Erik unbuttoned the first few buttons of Karmel’s pristine, white shirt, tilting Karmel’s head up to kiss along his neck.

Karmel let his eyes fall closed, sighing in sweet relief. It was nice to no longer say no to even the idea of this, which he’s had many of before, before Erik and him gave into their feelings. To finally feel Erik’s lips on his skin was only a dream come true.

Erik’s fingers slowly took Karmel’s shirt off of him once all the buttons were undone, dragging down his sides and onto the vine mutant’s waist. He then paused, pulling his mouth away from Karmel.

“Awe, c’mon-” Karmel whined, frowning down at Erik.

Erik gulped, eyes darting around.

“Erik-?” Karmel called.”You okay?”

Erik reached up, cupping Karmel’s cheeks in his big hands.”I...”

Karmel raised an eyebrow.”Hm?”

“I love you, Karmel.”

Karmel raised his eyebrows, quickly licking his lips as his blue eyes went wide,”Huh-?” He exhaled sharply, the line Erik spoke to him feeling like a heart-stopper.”You- You-...” Karmel heard what Erik said echo around his mind.”I...”

Erik didn’t say anything else. This was a first ‘I love you’ for him.

“I love you too...” The words came tumbling out of Karmel’s mouth before he could stutter anything else out to refrain from saying it, like he was used to. He giggled, lightly shaking Erik.”I love you too, Erik!” Karmel repeated, a look of relief on Erik’s face.

“Oh, darling, thank-”

“How could I not?” Karmel accidentally cut him off, kissing each of Erik’s palms.”You’re the single most extraordinary man I’ve ever met. Why wouldn’t I love the only guy who’s filled in my mind like you have? Who’s made my heart rate go from a snail’s speed to a cheetah’s speed in like, a second, huh? Whose face does my vines subconsciously make line art out of, or- or who do my vines spell the name of inside vine-hearts with, other than yours, honey? Erik, I love you too, seriously” he explained, scoffing.”Perfect timing, though” Karmel joked.

Erik shrugged, “now or never, I guess.”

Karmel smiled lovingly, reconnecting his lips to Erik’s.

Erik raked a hand into the familiar feel of Karmel’s caramel hair, tugging him closer as their eyes closed.

Karmel gasped lightly when Erik suddenly pinned him down, feeling his belt slide off and slink neatly on the floor. Once Erik’s mouth trailed back down Karmel’s jaw, he felt the need to restate his feelings for the other.”I love you, Erik” Karmel repeated.”I love you, I love you, I love you” he whispered, hearing Erik shed himself of his brown leather jacket.

“I love you too, Karmel” Erik smiled against Karmel’s neck, fingers tracing shapes along Karmel’s torso.

Karmel gripped onto Erik, softly moaning his name.

***

Erik and Karmel panted in unison, laying down beside each other and sharing a complete lack of clothing. 

Erik grinned, lazily turning his head to face Karmel.

Karmel had a dazed, dreamy smile on his lips, fingers tracing along his marked neck.”Wow,” he huffed, glancing over at Erik.”You’re a lot less civilized than you look.”

Erik shrugged again, “a talent of mine, I suppose” he replied, wrapping his arms around Karmel and pulling him closer, against his chest.

“You think Charles will get mad that we...?”

“Oh, no” Erik tutted, shaking his head.”You act as if he’ll ever even find out.”

“Mhm, yea. That man always randomly reads my mind like it’s a TV channel. If you think I won’t be thinking about this in the morning...” Karmel giggled, kissing Erik’s jaw.”You’re wrong.”

“That would be a first.”

Karmel playfully rolled his eyes, gazing up at Erik in completely and utter star-struck admiration.”I love you, Erik.”

Erik looked down at Karmel, lips twitching into a smile.”I love you too, Karmel. Nothing will ever stop that.”

[bakagamieru]

Hi!!! I’m hoping you can help - do you know why Zayn left One Direction? He was partying with Louis on March 14 in Thailand and left the band on March the 25th. So what happened in those 9 days for him to leave? I just don’t get it!! TIA!!

Hello,

It wasn’t anything in those 9 days that made him leave.  In fact, I don’t think it was his idea to leave at all.

I have a masterpost outlining most of my speculation relating to this: http://bakagamieru.tumblr.com/post/120840259353/zayn-stunt-summary

Of course there are other fans/bloggers (known as Team Stunt mostly) that have speculated about this as well.

Disclaimers

Please bare with me here and read the whole post (and preferably the other posts in my masterpost) before writing this theory off.  I 100% believe that if anyone takes the time to look at the evidence, it will become obvious that something very fishy is going on.  It’s just logic.

If you’re not coming into this post with the knowledge of 1D’s adversarial relationship with their team or with the knowledge that there are closeted gay couples within the 1D band (Louis and Harry, Liam and Zayn), then you might want to check that out first.  There are good resources out there for all of it.  I have some of it linked on my “ziam resources” and “larry resources” tags or on my Projects and Posts and Tags and Links pages.

It’s important to know what’s going on with these things and the history of 1D and their team because Zayn leaving being a stunt is a part of and a continuation of that.  

It might also help to check out who Zayn really is since a false and negative characterization of him has taken hold because of his public persona since his leaving.  I’ve got a few things linked on my summary masterpost.  Another tag on my blog to check out would be “pairing masterpost” (look for any including Zayn).  There’s also this post and this post and this post that show who Zayn is beyond the broody bad boy image he’s always been saddled with, extremely so in his solo career.  Myself, I think the lyrics from his solo albums, particularly Mind of Mine but also the Icarus part of Icarus Falls, shows who he is better than anything.  There’s no way to fake the gentleness and thoughtfulness inherent in the sentiments he chooses to express.  

Even if you know Zayn well already, it’s always good to revisit these because it can be hard to fully avoid the effects of being bombarded by everyone telling you he’s a selfish, erratic, rash, and disloyal person.  It’s good to be reminded of exactly how dorky, geeky, sweet, protective, thoughtful, intelligent, and caring he is.

Let’s Get Into It

The thing that made us start wondering about a stunt was the way Zayn left.  It doesn’t particularly make sense for a lot of reasons.

1) He had been more engaged than usual at the start of the OTRA tour, talking to fans on social media and practicing to get better at giving speeches on stage.  He was also just as affectionate with the other boys on stage as ever.

2) The reasons they gave for Zayn leaving were many and yet none of them ever made sense.  The WAY he left is also baffling.

Originally the implication was that Zayn left because he was caught “cheating again” on Perrie.  This is unlikely because 1) Zayn was never truly dating Perrie as it was a PR/bearding relationship (yes there is proof), and 2) Zayn and Perrie officially broke up that August anyway and if Zayn left for her, that would take away his reason for leaving and yet he didn’t return.  The same sort of theory popped up with the idea of Naughty Boy luring him away, but again, 1) Naughty Boy had been very pro-1D the year before, and 2) Zayn and Naughty Boy had a “falling out” and yet Zayn didn’t return to 1D.

They said anxiety immediately after he left, but then he started a solo career that’s bound to be more anxiety-inducing if someone has stage fright.  If the worst part of the job is dealing with people, then why would you get rid of the people who distracted most of the interviewer’s attention during interviews and the people who shared the stage with you?

They said he never liked being in the band, but if he likes the music/performing part (he ostensibly did because of going solo) and he likes the boys (there’s no real proof he doesn’t), that only leaves his management team to be causing the problem.  One Direction was just about to end their active contract with Syco/Modest, so why leave the band and risk penalties and censure instead of sticking it out until the end of the year?

Some said he left to go solo first and get the spotlight, but he didn’t actually release solo music until after the hiatus started, he risked a really negative public image by doing so, Simon Cowell had actually claimed the fall before that 1D members could do solo music while in the band, and he missed one of the concerts he’d been really looking forward to (Dubai) instead of at least waiting until the end of that tour leg when there would be a month-long break.  

Additionally, even though Zayn is supposed to be “free of Syco”, it’s pretty clear that his own team is sabotaging his solo career with a complete lack of promo and unnecessarily negative print interviews.  Zayn can’t be blamed for this because even if those things were his choice, they’re not going to earn money and his team has a vested interest in that and yet would apparently be doing nothing about it.  Going back to the theory that Zayn left because of not liking how Syco/Modest did things, clearly him going solo didn’t fix that problem whatsoever and Zayn is too smart to cut ties and burn bridges only to jump from one bad situation into another.

Some people say all of the above things were lies to cover the fact that Zayn and 1D just didn’t get along.  There’s no proof of this.  Like I said, he was just as affectionate with them leading up to his departure.  He was very complimentary of them right after he left, and then suddenly there were Twitter fights with Louis out of nowhere (very suspicious Twitter fights by the way), a supposed feud with Harry (that has only ever existed in the headlines as there is literally no proof other than “a source said”), and negative and then positive and then negative and then positive comments in print interviews despite this being very inconsistent with the official narrative of what’s happened.  Zayn has never from his own mouth said something vitriolic about the other boys.  In fact, the way he talks about them in his few radio/tv interviews is far more positive than his supposed words in print interviews (which can be manipulated very easily).

They claim that Zayn up and decided to leave and then caught a plane without anybody knowing and went back to the UK.  This is very unlikely considering all of the people around him that would notice like the bodyguards, etc.  Also, this assumes Zayn is the type of person who would make such a rash, snap decision.  They also announced him officially leaving not long after which begs the question, did Syco/Modest do nothing to try to persuade/coerce 1/5 of their biggest money-maker to at least finish the tour?

The way it was announced was quite odd, considering it was posted on Facebook of all places immediately after the end of a concert and sounded extremely impersonal like a PR person wrote it (which Zayn later confirmed).  The Mirror also reported on the announcement almost immediately which means they had to be tipped off because they wouldn’t have had time to find the announcement and create an article about it otherwise.

The other odd thing is that there were never any consequences for Zayn leaving.  He’s part of a huge money-making band and he broke a contract with his team, so you would assume that they would 1) sue him, 2) demand he pay the very high fee for getting out of the contract, or 3) drop him from the label/management agency and make sure no one else will work with him in the industry.  None of these things happened.  There’s obviously been no suit as it would have made news.  There was no payoff because Zayn’s net worth never changed in such a dramatic way.  Originally the story was that Syco ONLY let Zayn leave if he signed to them for his solo career, but then Syco claimed to have dropped Zayn BECAUSE he left, but then Syco was still listed on his first solo release (which is sketchy in and of itself).

And let’s talk about the timing once more because there’s a little more to it.  He left 7 shows before the end of the Asia/Africa leg of OTRA.  This meant that he missed the Dubai show which was in an area of the world where he was very popular, where he has cultural ties, and where he had explicitly said he was excited to perform.  That leg was the last leg before a planned 1-month tour break, which would have been a much more logical time to leave, break it to the fans, deal with the paperwork, etc.  That tour was also the last tour before the hiatus.  No, it wasn’t announced until later, but it’s very unlikely it wasn’t planned before that.  Even the fans kind of assumed there would be some sort of break after the album since as far as anyone could guess, that was going to be the end of the Syco/Modest contract time period.  

If Zayn couldn’t stand the band or wanted to go solo or couldn’t stand his management team, there was an obvious out coming up that would have been way less complicated and would have had way fewer potential negative consequences.  For any reason but anxiety (which is eliminated because of the baffling solo career decision), it doesn’t make sense for him to leave instead of waiting out the year.  

There are any number of oddities about the way he left and the given reasons for him leaving.  No matter what theory you look at, it isn’t consistent with logic OR with Zayn’s character and past actions.

So these things were why some of us were suspicious from the start and paid close attention as the events unfolded.  As we did, we just caught more and more inconsistencies and suspicious things.

3) Finally, I need to point out one massive area of evidence about Zayn’s leaving being a (particularly long-lived [although only a couple months longer than babygate]) stunt.  The shade.

The 1D boys have a long history of throwing shade that contradicts the official narrative, thus cluing fans in that some lie is being told.  There’s hella shade around Zayn’s leaving from both him and from the other boys.

The masterpost I linked at the top contains several posts about this, so I’m not going to rehash that here.  However, I will briefly go into what I think is the most compelling evidence that Zayn was actually planned to return to the band in August 2015.

The reason I find this particular shade so compelling is because it’s actually a pattern of shade, and not only is it a pattern of shade, it’s actually 5 overlapping and coordinated patterns of shade.  

The basic idea is that Zayn was scheduled to return on August 5th, around July 26th the boys learned that the return was delayed, the 2nd scheduled return was probably August 18th, and then that return was also delayed/cancelled.

First is Niall’s all-black pattern.  Niall had never worn an all-black outfit on stage before and he’d never repeated the same outfit more than 2 times in a row during a tour, but starting from the concert before Zayn left, he wore all black for 8 shows in a row until the end of that tour leg.  He stopped for the European leg and some of the NA leg.  Then, 8 shows before the August 5th show, Niall starting wearing all black again, like a bookend.  He didn’t make it to 8 shows consecutively because plans got changed, but he did continue wearing some amount of black at almost every show until the end of a tour in an organized pattern.

Second is Rainbow Bondage Bear’s (“RBB”) stickers.  In mid to late August, people started associating the recurring blue and green stickers on RBB with Louis and Harry because of their blue and green mic grips.  In fact, there were orange and yellow stickers (Niall and Zayn) before that, and a red sticker (Liam) showed up after that at strategic times.  The interesting thing is, Zayn’s yellow sticker was up for exactly 8 shows, ending on, you guessed it, August 5th.

Third is the Batman references.  With Liam taking the lead, the references to Batman skyrocketed in August.  Participants included Liam, some of the musical band members, Naughty Boy, and Zayn (yes, both sides participated).  Three particularly compelling references when put together are 1) the bat symbol that was put on the big screen at the 1D concert in Kansas City after the show (the bat signal traditionally calls Batman to come to it), 2) Zayn posting a fanart of his own name in the bat symbol (indicating himself as Batman), and 3) Naughty Boy posting a quote from Batman about the darkest moment being just before the dawn, which he posted with the hashtag “comesoon” (indicating a positive change coming soon).  All together, it’s hard not to read them as a sign that Zayn was supposed to return to the 1D stage soon.  Incidentally, RBB wore a Batman costume on, yes, August 5th.

Fourth is the 5th of the month pattern.  On the 5th of the month, from June 2015 to September 2015, something Ziam-related always happened with the exception of August 5th.  On June 5th Liam wore a ring (unusual for him at the time) in concert.  Surrounding circumstances point to it being Zayn-related.  On July 5th there was a video taken of Liam singing and coming out of the shower where surrounding circumstances point towards Zayn being the one filming.  On September 5th, Zayn and Liam started posting Instagram pictures that seemed to mirror each other or hint at Ziam in some way.  On August 4th, the Zerrie break up was announced, but on August 5th there was nothing in particular.  However, there would have been if that had been the first concert Zayn returned.

Fifth and final is related to the in-ears the boys wear on stage (and specifically to the 2nd return date this time, August 18th).  Oddly enough, the boys seem to change their in-ears in overly patterned ways and although I can’t identify what exactly they’re marking all the time, some of the ones I can link match up to Zayn’s leaving and potential return.  Liam wore a different set of in-ears for the last 5 concerts of the Asia/Africa leg of OTRA, starting on the Jakarta concert which was the first after Zayn’s official leaving announcement was made.  Later, starting on the Winnipeg show on July 24, the first show after Niall’s all-black bookend was disrupted (indicating Zayn’s return date was probably in flux at that point), Niall wore different in-ears for 3 shows.  Then Niall switched back to his regular and Liam picked up the pattern seamlessly by wearing different in-ears for 3 shows and 1 TV performance.  There are 2 possible ways this pattern could have ended that would make sense.  1) Liam could have counted the TV performance, worn in-ears for 1 more show and that would have completed Liam’s bookend of 5 different in-ears ending the show before Zayn’s (2nd scheduled) return on August 18th.  This would have resulted in a total of 8 performances with different in-ears counting both Liam and Niall and both concerts and TV performances, which partially (it doesn’t end on the concert Zayn would return)matches Niall’s bookend pattern.  2) Liam could have not counted the TV performance (the in-ears are almost exclusively a concert pattern) and worn in-ears for 2 more concerts, resulting in 8 total different in-ear shows ending on Zayn’s 2nd return date, completing Niall’s bookend pattern.  This would also mean Liam wore his in-ears for 5 performances, partially matching his bookend pattern (but not ending before the concert Zayn would return).  Again, I think the pattern was disrupted because Zayn’s return was again delayed (indefinitely as it turns out).

All of these patterns are explained in more detail (and with visuals because heaven knows it’s just a lot of dates and numbers without seeing it) in posts that are linked to my masterpost.  

There are also several other surrounding events that seem to confirm Zayn’s delayed returns such as:

the Zerrie break up;

an aborted Zayn-Naughty Boy fight;

the advent of positive 1D-Zayn relations leading up to August and then negative press resuming around August 17th;

a few things that might match up relating to Niall’s Where We Goin’ Today Mark video shade pattern; and 

the release of Drag Me Down which seems to have possibly been moved up by a week or so, indicating it originally might have been an OT5 song meant to be released around Zayn’s return.

To me, the fact that these patterns were so obviously deliberate (they’re way too organized not to be) and that they all overlap and point to the same dates, along with the fact that people from both camps participated in the Batman pattern, points to a definite return plan that was positively anticipated by both the boys and Zayn.

If I were to ever wonder if maybe Zayn really didn’t want to return even if leaving wasn’t his idea in the first place, this is what makes me positive that he did.  

If I ever wonder if maybe there was a falling out with Zayn and the boys after he left, even if he didn’t want to leave to start with, the shade from both sides makes it obvious to me that there never was any real bad blood.  If they all go to the trouble to contradict the official story, then clearly the official story must be a lie and the boys must all be on the same page.

Conclusion

I know this is a long post, but this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the sketchiness around Zayn leaving.  

Unfortunately, I haven’t followed through on organizing all the evidence like I had planned to at one point, but I think the masterpost I put together does cover a lot even if it’s a bit repetitive with some posts and a bit disorganized.

If anyone has questions that aren’t already covered in the masterpost, go ahead and send me an ask.

[chungledown-bimothy]

Trust Me: Chapter 5

Hello again! I know it’s been a while- things got crazy with the holidays and my birthday, but things are calm now. Here we go!

Chapter One Chapter 4 AO3 Chapter 6

Warnings: mentions of violence, descriptions of torture

Word Count: 1865

Tag List: @ren-allen @ccecode @emo-sanders-sides-loving-unicorn @ilovemygaydad @bloodropsblog @funsizedgremlin @raygelkitty @roxiefox23 @thomasthesandersengine @spookyingarbageisland @band-be-boss-blog

Virgil made his way to Dr Vincent Nigel-Murray's lab with a bad feeling in his gut. He hadn't been able to meet with the pathologist about the first victim, as the doctor had left town suddenly shortly after Virgil arrived. But he was back, and it was time Virgil met the man he'd heard so much about.

"Doctor Nigel-Murray?" He knocked on the doorframe, peering into the lab. "Are you here?"

"Ah! Yes! You must be Detective Mason, yeah?" Virgil wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but a 6-foot-tall Brit with dark hair and startling blue eyes who was practically bouncing with excitement was not it.

"Yep, that's me. Nice to meet you, doctor."

"Please, call me Vincent. Or Nigel. I also go by Vin, Vinnie, Vincenzo, any of those. My ex used to call me Vino Delectable."

"I'll stick with Vincent. And you can call me Virgil."

"A lovely name! Did you know that the famed Roman poet Virgil was homosexual and included erotic homosexual themes in two of his famed Eclogues?"

"I, um, didn't know that. Why would you bring that up? Have people been talking about me, gossiping about the gay new guy? I thought San Francisco was going to be better than this." Virgil narrowed his eyes, preparing for the worst.

"You're gay? I did not know that. What a coincidence! Fun fact-  in 2017, it was estimated that 8.2% of Millennials identify as LGBT+."

"You didn't know? Then what's with all the facts?"

"Facts are the stitches that hold the fabric of the universe together. I apologize if I'm being annoying; I've been told it's a rather bad habit." Vincent looked down and put his hands in his pockets; Virgil relaxed, suddenly understanding.

"It's an anxiety thing, right? Things get overwhelming sometimes, but facts are grounding."

"That is exactly right! If I may ask, how could you tell so quickly? Almost everyone gets there eventually, but it's only been a matter of minutes."

"I was one of the FBI's best profilers. Also, I do the same thing with sarcasm and hostility."

"It truly is a pleasure to meet you, Virgil. Now, follow me, I have two bodies with stories I think you'll want to hear."

Virgil followed the doctor into his lab. He was no stranger to morgues and autopsied bodies, but he could never get over the weird feeling in his gut when they were rolled out of the cooler. As always, he ignored the feeling and followed Dr Nigel-Murray to the first body.

"This is Orin Scrivello, the first victim. You can see the ligature marks on his wrists and ankles, and the scabbing indicates that he was tied up for quite some time and struggled a lot. This is just conjecture, but I'd wager it happened while the killer was inflicting these wounds." He pointed to the deep cuts on his legs and chest.

"Those look really deep. Cause of death?"

"You'd think, but no. The killer stayed clear of any major veins and arteries."

"So what's cause of death?"

"Blood loss."

"You literally just said-"

"He didn't bleed out through any of these wounds; he's got a single slice right along his brachial artery."

"Do we know what was used to cut him up?"

"Standard kitchen knife. Dime a dozen, available anywhere knives are sold."

"Great. Anything else interesting?"

"A couple of things. First, there were signs of dehydration, but not malnutrition."

"Any idea on how long they had him?"

"About two weeks, probably."

"The killer kept him fed while they tortured him for two weeks? Why would someone do that?" Virgil muttered. "The second interesting thing?"

"Particulates indicate that he was held in a warehouse. Nothing more specific than that, unfortunately; the killer did a really good job of covering their tracks."

"Just not good enough. Okay, let's talk about the second vic?"

"Indeed. Kyle Ren. Just finished his autopsy, in fact."

"Cool. Okay, let's start with what's the same between the two."

"Same ligature marks, although it appears that the killer kept him longer; I'd say closer to three weeks. He was also dehydrated but not malnourished. He was also tortured, but very differently."

"How different?"

"Orin had a relatively few, deep cuts. Kyle's arms are covered with dozens of shallow cuts.  Obviously, he was hit in the fact repeatedly, and the killer removed some of the flesh on his chest. Two rectangles, one on each pectoral."

"That's so weird. There was no flesh removal on Orin?"

"Nope."

"What was going on in this guy's head? Anyway, what are these on his thighs?"

"Electrical burns."

"So the killer cut, beat, and electrocuted him, sliced part of his chest off, and finally strangled him while also keeping him fed?"

"That's consistent with what I've found, yes."

"This guy is smart, angry, and escalating. Damn it. Okay, thanks, Vincent."

"My pleasure, Virgil. Hopefully we'll see each other again under better circumstances?"

"Maybe. By the way, and you really don't have to answer, but how did you decide you wanted to be a coroner?"

"Oh, it's quite the story. I was studying to be a forensic anthropologist in DC, and I got shot by a serial killer we were closing in on. I survived, obviously, and when I recovered… I don't know. Flesh and blood was a lot more interesting. So I finished my anthropology doctorate and went back for pathology."

"That's nuts. I'm glad you made it, and even more glad you're out here. You're a cool guy, Vincent. I gotta go talk to Kyle's next of kin. It was great meeting you."

"You too!"

--------

"Mason!" Virgil flinched when his captain's voice echoed through the bullpen. He took a deep breath before answering the summons.

"Yes, sir?" He asked once he reached Captain Sanders' office.

"Come in, it's time we talk about the case."

"Yes, sir." Virgil took a seat in one of the chairs across from Sanders' desk before continuing. "I met with the second victim's parents today- they confirmed the killer's assertion that he was a fascist. The pieces of flesh removed had swastika and Confederate flag tattoos. Apparently his grandfather was a high-ranking officer in the German military in World War 2. The victim was very vocal about his beliefs online; we have a tech team looking into his online interactions for potential suspects."

"Good. Now, tell me about the killer."

"He's wicked smart and almost certainly has a medical background. He's what we call mission-oriented, and his mission is vengeance. He's detail-oriented and covers his tracks well, but I don't think he has a criminal background before these kills."

"Killers usually do. Why not him?"

"How he treats the bodies after killing them. The things he did to his victims before killing them were violent and messy, but he cleaned them up and covered them carefully with leaves like a blanket. Yes, the cleaning served the purpose of eliminating most of the particulate evidence, but the clean clothes in the right size shows an extra step of care. He also kept the victims well-fed. He wanted them healthy, aside from the torture. It may seem illogical, but he has very high empathy. He punishes his victims because he genuinely cares about people.

Once he's punished them as he sees fit, they're human again, and deserving of respect and care. The violence is tied to the victim's crimes or sins, however he chooses to label them. Our killer isn't violent or malicious outside of the conditions that triggered the killings; he's probably perceived in his community as perfectly normal. Not creepy like Dahmer or manipulative like Bundy. Just an average person. He's probably lived in the area a long time, if not his entire life, and has a stable, long-term job."

"Sounds like he's going to be hard to catch. What's with the puzzle pieces, though?"

"He will make a mistake sooner, rather than later. The puzzle pieces are a taunt, daring us to solve the puzzle of who he is. He wants our attention, he wants to prove that he's smarter than we are. And that's what's going to hang him. He sees himself as an avenging angel, but he's just an Icarus."

"How does that help us catch him?"

"Honestly, sir, I'm still working on that part. I want to consult some papers from an old colleague before I add any more details to my official preliminary profile. I have a few ideas, but he was always better with mission-oriented killers than I am. I know it isn't the answer you want, but I learned the hard way how dangerous jumping to conclusions can be when dealing with someone like this."

"Mason…" Sanders started, softly.

"With all due respect, captain, don't start with that. I'm fine. I just want to make sure we do this by the book. Like you said on my first day- 'we can't let this become another Zodiac fiasco'."

"I can't say I like you using my exact words against me, but your work has been above reproach. I'm officially declaring this case yours and yours alone- I won't pressure you to partner up anymore. Just keep me in the loop okay?"

"Of course. Thank you, sir."

"You've earned it. Now shoo, you've got more important things to do than sit here with me."

"Okay." Virgil chuckled as he stood up and left.

---

"Patton don't do this. It's not a good idea. You don't know who this guy is, how much of a threat he might pose to us and our work."

"You do realize you sound just like them, right, Logan? Thinking you know best, trying to tell me what I can and can't do because of how it might affect you instead of thinking about what I want and need."

"That's not fair. You know that I love you, and they never loved either of us. I want you to stay safe; I can't protect you if I don't know who you're associating with."

"How many times do I have to tell you that you don't need to protect me any more? I know you mean well, but you have to trust me. You said yourself that I'm better with people than you are." Patton paused. "This isn't about protecting me at all, is it? It's about how you know that without me, you're alone. You have nothing without me, and you can't handle that."

"I… you're right. I need you, Patton." Logan admitted, falling to his knees.

Patton reached down and cupped Logan's face with their hands, tilting his face up. "Logan, you are and always will be the most important thing in my life. But I can't shake the feeling that getting to know him could change everything in the best way."

"That's exactly what I'm worried about, but I'll trust your instincts. I love you, Pat."

"I love you too, Logan. Thank you." Patton walked to their room, leaving Logan on his knees in the living room, alone with his thoughts.

Patton's right; this date changes everything. If we are deviating from the pattern in favor of indulging other desires, well, I would be a fool to let this opportunity pass.

[mangaslob-blog]

Cinderella bodyguard for a princely brat- Manga Review

SP x Baby by Maki Enjoji

https://myanimelist.net/manga/79589/SP_x_Baby

Hasegawa Tamaki is high school graduate in her early twenties. Both her parents passed away, so she skipped going to University in order to work several part-time jobs to support herself and her younger brother. Although she's completely unqualified, she is trying her best to get a regular full-time job at a good company...

(Source: Icarus Bride Scanalations)

This manga  was a fun quick read.  However, there are some of non-progressive ideas in it, which is a con for this manga. For example within the first chapter, the love interest becomes upset about being called gay. This could be seen as him being a bit homophobic, which isn’t such a big stretch. Unlike other ‘modern’ countries, being gay hasn’t been illegal since the late 1800′s in Japan. This does not mean that LGBT+ people are not discriminated against or looked down upon, and the way this nonchalantly comes up shows how far society still has to go. Later the love interest, Tora, mentions that he is not gay again. In that scene it seems it’s because he is interested in her and wants her to know that he likes opposite sex people. Either way it is a plot device that does not age well.  

The one reason this manga caught my eye, besides the fact that its tags are #Josei, #Romance, and #Comedy, is that I have a small (/s) weakness for strong ass kicking female protagonist. This protagonist, Tama, is all heart and instinctually reaches out to help people. As a young adult she has a responsibility to take care of her younger brother, making her a hero in my eyes. I could not imagine taking care of a teenager or anyone else at that age, I’m too irresponsible. 

BUT. but but but.

There is some of that sexist culture usually seen in many old manga, in this one. That tired, men are animals ruled by their sexual instincts with no control over themselves when horny, trope. Annoying. This manga is not rape-y, still though it does not stand up to today’s better standards. Tora is a sexual harassing panda, with the South Park SHP theme song coming on whenever he makes an appearance. He is sometimes grabbing her and she is saying ‘YAMATE!’, which is a desperate type of no. Actually, I don’t remember her literally saying yamate towards him ever, nevertheless that doesn’t mean he got consent. If this was real life, this woman would be able to go #metoo all the way! Is this what we want to normalize in young minds of what wooing should look like? I don’t think so, so hopefully fresh fruits don’t use this manga as an example.

Now that we have semi-discussed and brought that into light, I must say, in fiction I do like that kind of play. The power dynamic play is a guilty pleasure. Plus this dark haired manga boy is partly my type. Tora is always testing Tama, and is all in her business. Using physical touch, and sincerely talking with her about her life, he ‘slowly’ wins her over. This is not a what I consider a normal smut manga, but it does have some suggestive and one steamy scene. I liked the tension between the characters. I also loved the brother, super cute, but he was not really expanded on besides when talking about his sister’s relationships. This is probably because the series is a relatively short one. 

A side comment I have comes with it being called a comedy. That tag probs has to do with the style, like how the author draws some of faces to express emotions, or thoughts. I don’t think I ever laughed out loud, but I did smile at some scenes. Maybe you’ll react differently. 

If you are interested you can buy this 2 volume series on Amazon, VIZ, and other book places. 

[notafraidof]

my takes on icarus falls

probably not gonna be Super Fresh Hot takes since i’m five feet up his ass, but what’re you gonna do

“let me” - ★★★✩✩ - the melody is a bop and a half, but i can’t stop rolling my eyes at “for the rest of my life” bc………… nobody can promise that lmao. also… is he still with gigi?? who he singin to. the falsetto won me over tho

“natural” - ★★★½✩ - issa tune i can groove to, but the lyrics are a teeeeny bit lackluster (my expectations are sky-high though lmao). like why did he repeat “like the bluest ocean”…… no need for it. and could he not think of other forces of nature than a hurricane?? bruh i can think of six off the top of my head. also the “come together right now” bit makes me wanna say “over me”

“back to life” - ★★★✩✩ - not a whole lot to say about this one? i liked it but it didn’t feel Life Changing y’know? also my gay ass was sad about all the “she”s

“common” - ★★★★✩ - the melody is SO GOOD. my naïve person-lover isn’t a big fan of calling other couples gray and common, but honestly he said i’m fuckin beautiful so

“imprint” - ★★★✩✩ - a Smooth Bop, i love the line “if the planets all faded away” and the CORNY ASS “jumpin’ like mario…don’t lose a life” A CUTE NERD WHO I LOVE!! i just think most of the sentiments have been said a hundred times in other (more iconic) R&B songs. also again with the “girl” shit, i wanna insert myself into the song, zaniel !!!!!

“stand still” - ★★★★✩ - i don’t entirely understand the metaphors… but everything sounds pretty and like if elton john tried R&B and i’m into it

“tonight” - ★★✩✩✩ - i’ve heard this exact shit a million tiiiiiiimes zayn, it’s not original, dude. 1D fuckin did it with lwwy in 2012 my guy. can’t fault him for the vocal run though, he always sounds good (& i do think of him when i feel myself)

“flight of the stars” - ★★★½✩ - melody line is FRESH and i love it. kinda sad it sounds like it’s just about a relationship? bruh a song about a girl who’s literally following stars could be So Much More

“if i got you” - ★★★★½ - SPACE ZAYN #CONFIRMED -- ALSO, ZAYN’S CALLIN ME BABE I LOVE IT

“talk to me” - ★★★✩✩ - not gonna ngl i know this is Yet Another Sex Song but. my heart does the pitter pat imagining it I NEVER CLAIMED THIS WAS UNBIASED

“there you are” - ★★★½✩ - Powerful Vocals and sweet sentiments!! “i’m drunk and i need you” has been driven right into the ground, but he sounds so genuine and i love him

“i don’t mind” - ★★★★✩ - for a sec i thought this was his “i won’t mind” cover lmao oops. THE LQ PIANO IS SO NICE!!!!! more acoustic instruments please zayn!! boy said “it’s lit” which made me SNORT. he has the voice of an angel and i melt at his falsetto so 4/5

“icarus interlude” - ★★★✩✩ - boy’s good at interludes, but like. that corny-ass yves saint laurent flex. and again w “girl” and Everything Has to Be About Love

“good guy” - ★★✩✩✩ - first of all: HARDCORE rolling my eyes. baby you are fooling exactly Nobody w this hardcore bradford bad boy front. u are a giggly nerd and it’s just amusing how much you think you’re not …and also the lyrics just. don’t make sense? extinct creatures don’t work on instinct… they’re dead. wwwwhat is a “slide bleacher”? why would streetlamps try to teach you anything??

“you wish you knew” - ★★½✩✩ - this kinda bops like a rihanna song!! (that’s a good thing) idk i’m just not really vibin with this song right now, maybe it’ll grow on me. i mean… i do wish i knew him lmao

“sour diesel” - ★★★★✩ - A True Jam!!! honestly crushin on the girl he’s singing about. still don’t know what a sour diesel is though

“satisfaction” - ★★★✩✩ - kinda thought this was gonna be a rolling stone cover whoops. boy sounds so sad and lovely!!! although i’m skeptical of him not getting any satisfaction w/o an SO. if you really think that, you gotta have more fun when you masturbate dude

“scripted” - ★★★½✩ - this is so fuckin obscure but he sounds like art garfunkel circa 1980s!! and i love it!! also PIANO AGAIN PLEASE MORE OF THAT. it was neat to hear like… him talking over the phone during the song, that was fun. and zayn, honey, the men in black reference just cements my opinion that you’re a huge nerd.

“entertainer” - ★★★★✩ - I THOUGHT THIS WAS A BILLY JOEL COVER QUIT FUCKING WITH MY HEAD MALIK. amazing vocals like always, and he looks like a whole-ass MEAL in the music video. i’m just sad that someone played him like that, he deserves more than fake love

“all that” - ★★★½✩ - OPTIMUS PRIME?????? HOW CAN YOU EVEN PRETEND THAT YOU’RE EDGY AND DANGEROUS YOU ABSOLUTE DWEEB

“good years” - ★★★★½ - i’m so upset!! does he actually think like this?? honey you’re TWENTY-FIVE you don’t have to worry about that!!! and it also makes me sad bc… are you regretting your time in 1D? you said you’d never do that ;; this song makes my heart hurt in the best way his voice is 👌🏻

“fresh air” - ★★★✩✩ - uh… who is he talking to?? like holy shit dude.

“rainberry” - ★★★★½ - this 👏🏻 is 👏🏻 A 👏🏻 BOP 👏🏻 the falsetto, the word choices, the bumpin bass line, everything is dope as FUCK. only thing is… idk what he’s talking about?? i googled “rainberry” and the only thing that came up was the gatorade flavor??? my guy are you singing about someone drinking gatorade

“insomnia” - ★★★★✩ - this is some quality shit!!! not much else to say honestly, sorry

“no candle no light” - ★★★★★ - MY MOTHER AND MY SON!!!!! they sound SO GOOD TOGETHER and the song fuckin SLAPS. the literal Only Complaint i have is that i wanted nicki to fuckin spit some bars!! her four lines at the end Do Not Count. also, guys, i’d like an mv if you’re up for it

“fingers” - ★★★½✩ - i can definitely groove to this, and “my fingers ain’t workin’ but my heart is” is such a neat phrase to use in a song.

“too much” - ★★★✩✩ - is good! i don’t get the juxtaposition of “i just want love and lust” and “you just can’t love enough” but the falsetto is lovely and timbaland sounds like he’s havin a good time, and that’s all that matters

the album overall is ★★★½✩ !! i love my son and ZM2 is a fuckening bop

[archived--hell]

1, 2, 17, honestly all of them if you’re up to it

1 - already answered 

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

L O R D T jupiter fuck man got damn id die for jupiter 

3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?

i have adopted characters before, but ive never done anything with them, and i have received characters Back from people but besides that nah

4. A character you rarely talk about?

HI PLEASE I BEG OF YOU ASK ABOUT THE GODS PLE AS E IM DYING

5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be?

fuck uh.. honestly if its only semi popular would i do this bc being Well Known would be nice, yeah, but.. it scares me? idk but uh probably leo or aero, theyre two boys i hold close to my heart

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

:) eldur and leo kinda? idk i try not to make any of them look alike rip

7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?

YES! theyre actually all part of one universe called cooking with demons! i have a whole game planned out for the man cast kinda? but all in all its all set within one universe, with multiple different stories occurring within it jhfdksg

8 - already answered

9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?

unless specfifically made for them upon request, no. ive already tried that once and it lead to me losing any and all control i had over my characters. At this moment, i only “share” a few ocs with my boyfriend @coffee-burglar and even then, its taken almost a year to even be able to do that

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?

uh, all of them are kinda complicated for me, but as of right now, that would go to leos full form. (if u want a ref hmu and ill post it, but it wont be my art)

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

like a ray of sunshine? yeah! angel and stitch would fit perfectly for that!

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

@coffee-burglar their oc chrome n koh,  or derek but thats bc im a hoe

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

aero, jhor, innis, leo are all trouble makers to some degree, leo being the most trouble some

14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory

uhhhh fuck what counts as tragic?

i guess id have to say leo or jupiter mostly, but eldur fits too

15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?

if youd let me i would yell about these fucks for hours on end, ive done it

16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)?

the best but wouldnt enjoy it: Jupiterthe best and would absolutely enjoy it: colby

17. Any OC OTPs?

stitch/lavaaero/kohcolby/derek/inniswill/happiness aeyr/Eberictderek/Xhaztolleo/eldur

18. Any OC crackships?

jhfkdfsjghdfkjhgdkfjsgl i never talk abt it but will/aero is fucking A+

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

ah,, leo. i originally made him to project the worst in myself onto, and because of that ive made his life a living shit hole. but,, recently ive been hell bent on giving him a good ending, one where he heals, and lives his life ok, where he finally, finally has a chance to be happy and get help. its,, kind of been a tiny growing point for me? he just, means a lot to me because of that haha

20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?

uhhh all of their voice claims are songs n such but only a few of them actually sing in canon! heres the voice claims of the ones who do sing:

Aero - thats his voice, but hed probably more likely to sing Something Like ThisAngelStitch - this is her voice! but shed be much more likely to sing something a lot more upbeat, kind of like thisColby (its jeremy from bmc jghfdkg)

and one i dont have a voice claim for yet that does sing canonically is Sycamore! 

21. Your most artistic OC

!!!! oh thatd easily be will! hes nothing professional at all, but he does enjoy drawing and making diy type projects :0c hazels also artistic but with food :0c but what would you expect from a kitchen witch

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

Hi My Names Skinny Penis And No One Has Ever Even Looked At My Ocs For More Than Two Seconds

23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?

lordt all of them would fit that, but the one thats changed the most? lordy thatd probably be will! he used to be a persona that was mostly only interested in dying and getting fucked, but now hes? evolved into a fully fledged character, and has even changed from being human lmao

24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?

jupiter, simply because he is The Biggest Comfort i have. hes,,, really important to me and i love him a lot

25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)

:) its bold of you to assume they dont all resemble me in some way. the most though? damian. lazy motherfucker with 200 emotional issues and no motivation to fix any of them

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

…yeah.

27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song?

Nope, most tend to be born from ideas spawned by me n my bf concepting about my ocs, and what would happen if this thing happened? yknow?

28. Your most dangerous OC?

He has yet to be revealed >:)c his names icarus

29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?

INNIS, GOD INNIS WOULD AND HED PROBABLY DIE

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

secret: damiannot so secret: colby

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

uHHhhHh 

damian would probably have a very shitty coded blog theme (or default) and would genuinely only reblog shitty, abstract memes, and nice food recipes for hazel to make him

32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why?

protagonist? if youre going for the scared baby, colby. if ur going for the stoic “thats weird but ok” one, innis or aero.antagonist tho???? Leo and angelica :)

33. Your shyest OC?

uh, a oc thats genuinely shy and not just anxiety filled? angel :0c shes had a very limited interaction pool with anything thats not other angels so she tends to shy away from others bc she really, really doesnt want to get into awkward situations

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Jupiter and leo!

35. Any sibling characters?

Jupiter, leo, angelica, damian, eldur

jupiter, leo, damian, and angelica are all related via their dad, while eldur is related to damian via their mom

36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)?

uhh if im understanding this question right yeah i do! derek, koh, n a lot of others belong to @coffee-burglar ! ive just roped them into my universe dkjfhkdjgh

37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human

Op All Of My Characters Are Inhuman

38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer?

surprisingly? aero! hes got really good rhythm and can actually dance really well, its kinda scary

39. Introduce any character you want

:)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Ill let yall have a choice, pick one

1.) Lust2.) Greed

40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!

fond?? uh,, not really. but damian does have a very important memory attached to him.

tw for suicide ment hjgkdfs

with damian, i created him after i tried to kill myself and was stuck in a mental hospital. i had just finished reaing the first shadowhunters book, and decided to try and draw the first demon(???? was that what he was?? im a dumbass and its been over 2 years) you met, which had bright blue hair and if i remember correctly, electric green eyes? but yeah. i made him to cope with all the mental stress i had while being forced to be in that hospital, and hes become very close to my heart because of that

41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)

!!!!!!!!! yeah!!! my boyfriends drawn damian and most of my characters bgjkfdhgkfdsgl but one i do hold close to my heart (bc at the time, i barely knew them) was when @stuck-in-the-ghost-zone drew aeyr! it made me really happy tbh. i still have it saved to my phone actually!!!

42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods?

uhhhh,,, provided that they found a way to get anything involving earth and their beliefs itd probably be either angel or colby. angel enjoys learning anything and everything she can, while colby enjoys hearing about the Tea™ that comes with greek shit

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

lordt ok

i really just? enjoy making demons really, or anything that doesnt quite fit “conveniently attractive” in at least one form they have. (i also favor making guys bc im Gay)

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

how well theyre coming together, for so long, their stories have been little fractures and pieces that never fit together. Fragments. but now, theyre almost fully put together and its… wonderful to see

45. A character you no longer use?

a hi have.. one. their name was angel aura, a steven universe oc. i got rid of them because of too many.. bad things.

46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?

not directly, but yes. it.. actually helped me give a lot of them a ok life, or at least a good ending

47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child?

@coffee-burglar eldur, colby, will n a few others lmao

48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure

ELDUR GOD ELDUR PLEASE SOMEONE GIVE THIS KID BACK TO HIS MOM

49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memes

damian

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

ghjkfgkfdhgklfjhglkjdfhgslfjdgh give me a actual thing to talk about bc im dying op

[epekhein]

The Tumblr Poetry Aesthetic, or: the stars, the sea, Icarus, dark suburbia, and the (un)intentional pandering and ungrowth of the well-established

this conversation was initiated for me (madina) personally by giana @syrupbrat and stefan @travelingsalesman. epoch discussed this extensively in our discord chat, and the content of this post is mostly pulled out of that discussion.

When browsing through the usual tags used to promote one’s own writing on Tumblr, such as #inkstay, #spilled ink, #poets on tumblr, etc, we seem to drown in the sameness of everyone’s writing styles that it all is indistinct. It boils down to a haze of blah blah blah stars, blah blah blah yet another comparison to a Greek mythology figure, more love poetry, girl as dangerous, boy as god, alcohol is the only way we’ll survive.

These themes originated in what one might call the heydays of Peak™ tumblr poetry (this is starting to sound like a school essay & smh I can’t let this post go that direction), circa 2013(?)-2015. Most of it was documented in @nosebleedclub‘s “Memories of a Certain Spring: A Workbook” – Nosebleed Club was, in fact, what you would point at if you were asked in 2014 what “Tumblr writing” is (cue the emphasis on was, the evolution of NBC continues until now & I feel like a proud daughter about it). Multiple networks and groups have then spanned from that model, some which are still going until now, some abandoned and left to the dust – just so that you could be part of that “elite cool kids club”, whether the original one or not. the writers in the original collective also had their writing styles copied and/or plagiarized to capitalize off how prevalent and popular this aesthetic is but nvm that’s not my place to extensively rant about

I do love the stars. The sea, mythology, dangerous teenage gods, I love them all and I honestly would die for them (yes, the planets, ocean, and those tragic myths included) – but when people write about them just because they think it’ll be popular, just because it fits into the predefined box of what is proven to be well liked – an aesthetic that has since consumed us – exploration and experimentation dies, and that’s when it becomes dangerous. Everything posted will only be the product of rehashing and emulating what has been written and consumed before – shallow imageries without anything to say, without anything to make it yours. It got over-commercialized fast and crumbled. Let’s not even mention those who made a fake persona to make their poetry feel more “real” and authentic, those who write about drugs and alcohol w/o experiences backing them up and only stereotypes & what other people have written about it.

This phenomenon is further supported by Tumblr itself being a bad site in general bad platform for writing on its own – those notes, those likes and reblogs, really do shape up to define you, whether you’re conscious of it happening or not. We all crave for that feeling of being noticed because that’s just how it is. I myself can’t even say I never wrote something just for those notes, and I’m sure others that started out writing in Tumblr can say the same. If you don’t realize it yourself; if you don’t become self-conscious of the fact that really, Tumblr is a bubble, and do not actively seek out for anything new because you don’t see the need for it – you get stuck in it. Even if you wrote with the aesthetic that we all fell in love with, there’s a chance that you won’t get the recognition you think it deserved – it crushes you, and the cycle repeats again.

(this aesthetic, in turn, bled and drenched almost every tumblr roleplay until they all became the same and unrecognizable individually, whether with the usual tropes of characters: Sad Rich Girl With A Heart Of Gold. Bad Rich Boy With A Heart Of Gold. Gay Guy With A Bad Past So He's Hypersexual Now – or situational: your edgy Welcome To This Small Suburban Town Where Everyone is a Supernatural Creature, or perhaps your This Is A Simulation of a Real Life Town for People Who Have No Lives)

Personally, I do believe in the existence of Bad Poetry – though “underdeveloped” is the word I prefer to use (maybe it’s just because I’m a softie and I can’t say outright that it’s bad, but let’s be real, bad poetry is bad poetry). No soul and nothing else to offer than just a few pretty words and fleeting concepts. Pseudo-profound bullshittery. u wanna get off it?

internalize the fact that we unconsciously seek for approval

get off tumblr for a while and write in your solitude 

consume more than u write.

explore & experiment upon different themes and structure. get out of your comfort zone in writing

write about your own memories and experiences, whether good or bad or interesting or not interesting, not what is deemed is consumable

turn to your culture and read up those local myths

-- Honestly, I don’t know how because it cannot be forced. But recognizing that this exists will in turn make you think even more critically about your writing.

oh, that’s it – be critical. To the words that surround you & the words that come out of you.

To close this off: “its Everywhere like i get it . u wanna be a vampire cheerleader with a smile too big. i Get it . lets do something else” - @arckhaic

[vvardenfellcat]

SHIPPING INFO // Answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST. Don’t reblog.

Stolen from uh...lots of people at this point. Took me a while to get to it. @aglitchinemotion finally got my booty in gear tho.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE(S)?

I have a few... Though it’s more of ‘hey these two/three/etc would be cute and actually get along and heeeeyyyy that might actually work in canon! I wonder...

Nothing’s canon yet for TES!J’hasi, though Aldaril and Morwaen have a one-sided thing going on atm. Mori, pls...show the poor mer some mercy...

Modern!TES AU J’hasi, Maarzi, and Jeer-Rah are a thing, Al and Morwaen are a thing, Icarus and mead is a thing... All the ships. Welcome to my self-indulgent paradise.

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?

Depends on how well I know you. Unless you’re Paige I doubt it would go further than fade to black after smooches and whatnot. I’ve started writing the Porns™ to try and see if I like doing it/find it worthwhile, and while I enjoy the emotionally-connected ones, the stand of the night type ones aren’t fun to me. Still have to issue copies to Quality Control to determine their Hot Stuff merit.

TL;DR full blown prons are doubtful unless I’m really close friends with the mun first, else varies between No and fade-to-black depending on how well I know the mun.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

Under 18 is a Hell No, TES is uh...weird with people living hundreds of years and yet some only 80ish or w/e so I guess it depends on how old they seem? Mer, man. Can’t get a good bead on em agewise. I suppose if there’s like a huge gap like Mr. 800 years old shacking up with someone around 400 that would be weird to me. A hundred years gap wouldn’t be too bad assuming the younger is like...30s? 40s? At least. Mid 20s would be the lowest I’d go with something like that, and even then that’s pushing it. Two hundred gap would be ehh...and anything beyond that is sort of a ‘how is each individual case like’?

Modern AU (aka not TES Modern AU) I guess like 10 ish gap is the most? Not much higher than that because then you get weird things of like ‘oh I was a teenager when you were born’ stuff and that rubs me the wrong way.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

I mean I’m a bit selective with rping, like...I can’t up and ship with someone if I don’t know them. And yes, that has happened in the past and it made me not want to ship ever again because someone didn’t know/didn’t care that it’s not cool to write my character for me. And horribly OOC too. Yuck.

Honestly we’d have to be mutuals for a while before I’d be okay with shipping. Especially if it was J’hasi because LET ME TELL YOU THAT BOY FEEL TOO GOTDAMN MUCH FOR HIM GOTDAMN HEART. And yeah they have to have chemistry. And while most of my characters are more easygoing with the romance and boinking stuff, J’hasi is one of those that’s hard to get to that point because Trust Issues and whatnot. Anyone’s welcome to try, just know that we’d have to know each other and the muses in question would have to have some chemistry before anything progresses beyond verbal sparring.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW?

Once someone goes beyond the belt, that’s the point that I’d say yeah that’s nsfwy-stuffs. Smooches and whatnot are safes, making out, etc, but once someone starts digging around in the other’s pants then yeah that’s a decent marker. I’d likely readmore it once it got beyond smooches for sake of people who don’t want to read two muses fooling around with each other but it wouldn’t get the NSFW tag until aforementioned marker.

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?

I thought I was asked this before x_x UHHHHMMM usually it’s more of ‘who’s possible’, since I don’t set anything in stone until the characters meet in RP. I may misread a character and then the ship would be weird once I learn my mistake, so I tend to ask lots of questions of the person in question like ‘if x met y and they did z, how would they react?’ I do this with situations outside of shipping too because I LIKE LEARNING ABOUT CHARACTERS MANG.

Private ships are private ships, usually self-indulgent whatever to help me practice writing interpersonal communication and possibly sexytiems so I can learn what sounds natural because it’s a new type of writing for me, same as when I was first learning how to write actiony stuffs and MAJOR DOOM plots and whatever. The pronoun game kills me because 90% of it is gay. Maarzi and her gf Riheh is one of my fave ships because MAARZI IS SUCH A FUCKING TEASE AND THEN RIHEH CATCHES HER OFF-GUARD CONSTANTLY AND I LOVE THEM.

...I just realized I haven’t done any straight NSFW yet aside from that thread with Moj and Sham. I should...probably remedy that. Oops.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

I’m fine with your character feeling as they will, it’s your character, that’s how they do. It’s when you try to push it onto my character without asking for permission that I get irritated. Like by all means, a character can make passes at mine, flirt, w/e, that’s totally fine. It’s when someone thinks that because my muse reacts a certain way back that they think it’s canon then, which. No. You ask me.

Sometimes my characters flirt back because that’s just how they are. They might be trying to use your muse’s apparent interest to suit their needs. Muses may not explain their reasoning for acting x way, so it’s better to ask me to see if it’s genuine ‘ay let’s ship’ vs ‘my character is using yours to get out of a situation or for their own selfish gain’. Plus, if I don’t know you, a ship isn’t going to happen. I need to know the mun before I make any commitments.

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?

I’m with Dust!mod on this one, when it makes sense. I’m not romantically inclined irl, so it’s not like I Need it, it’s just something fun and new to play with, like when you get a new toy. You have lots of other toys, and that’s yet another you have at your disposal. Say that you think that the situation would be more exciting if Mr. Dinosaur came in and interrupted the tea party with some dire news from the front, or maybe he wants to confess that he loves Mr. Sheep and doesn’t want Mr. Sheep to elope with Tonka Truck, or that Tonka Truck was actually using Mr. Sheep for his billions in assets to make war on the Hot Wheels regime. It could be integral to the plot, or just give another facet to it, adding some extra drama to the Shit Going Down. The world is your oyster, friend.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?

Nnnnnnah. I tried AU stuff with other fandoms, didn’t like, and I don’t need multiple verses of the same TES verse to handle. Not to mention like...why would you multiship when you can have polyamory? Way easier imo. Imagine the cuddlepiles. The only exception I have for this is Modern!TES but that’s more of ‘this is my self-indulgent paradise, I’ll make everyone hold hands if I want to’, and that’s...kinda my personal verse since I haven’t really talked about it much and I don’t think other people would be into it lmao

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

If it’s friends, lovers, rivals, sworn enemies, whatever relationship a muse has with another, it’s all good in my book. It’s great to have character-developing interactions no matter how it’s brought about, if your friend is concerned about x habit you have, or if you got the hots for some new friend on the block, or if you can’t fucking stand your new co-worker/peer, or someone decided that You Need To Die For X Reason And You Just Won’t Go Quietly.

I don’t hold any over the others in terms of importance, like sometimes I’m more in the mood for rival battles, sometimes I just want nerds to cuddle and read together. It just depends on what mood I’m in for at the moment.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

Uhhhhhh I can’t think of any atm. I get a stupid grin on my face when me and @brothersofthedominion come up with ideas for our plots involving a giant golden boy and a srs golden girl, but my current favorite ship that I think about a lot is stuck in self-indulgent paradise world.

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

I gotta know who tf you are first. Ask interactions are good for this, because then it unlocks the possibility of rps, which then once I have a good idea of who you are, then there’s a chance of shipping. Else it’s gonna end up being your muse tryna flirt with mine with little chance of getting anywhere other than flirting back or in J’hasi’s case, likely a big fat |:/