#i gotta keep playing to get further in but then you need better cards to do well so like......ysee the struggle-

[thebluntstudent]

FIVE TIPS FOR STUDYING WHEN ILL OR OTHERWISE INCONVENIENCED...

disclaimer: when at all possible, you should always prioritise physical and mental wellbeing over a good grade. If you are seriously ill to the point where it is heavily impeding your capacity to study, you are not fit to take an exam, or write an essay, and I hope your educational institute has measures for exceptional circumstances/extensions/deferrals to allow you to do so! Alas, it isn't always possible to do the ideal thing in life, and that is where my experience comes into play.

°•☆•°

Sometimes you find yourself in a crappy predicament a couple weeks before an essay is due, or an exam is scheduled, and you find yourself slipping further away from the stacl of textbooks on your desk, and closer to the comforts of your bed and the rest you really wish you had the time to make the most of.

Right now, my hormones are currently out of whack in a way that could meaning anything from (the most likely cause) PCOS to perimenopause at 22 to plenty of other less likely possibilities I'd rather not dwell on. This means that sitting up for more than 5-10 minutes in the same position sends my abdomen into spasms and sharp pains, and generally existing hour to hour is a painful, emotional, hot-flush filled experience.

That being said, I have an exam in a few days, and since deferral is not an option for me (this is my last attempt, I can't take any more time off of uni, my last attempt was last year during a period of several losses that occurred on an interruption year I had taken due to burn-out and unresolved trauma sliding into my life- you get where I'm going with the 'sometimes life is a bitch and your general and academic life can't be pretty and pristine' bit) I have been doing my best to balance comfort and productivity in a way that helps me look out for what I need right now whilst still getting in as much revisiom as I'm able to.

So! I thought I'd share my little tips for building a comfy study space when conditions are not ideal but you still gotta keep moving:

• abandon the 'do not study in bed' tip, but only for as long as it helps you as opposed to hindering you. I have tried sittimg up at a desk with pillows and blankets swathing me- and all I get for it is hefty back pain and constant awkward readjustments every time I start heating up or shift around in my seat too much. If you're ill, you aren't doing yourself any good sitting hunched over a desk either- and frankly your sleep is probably going to be buggered until you're feeling better anyways. So, if sitting at a desk is putting you off, prop up some pillows, rest your writing materials on a hard surface (a folder, an A4 hardback- a chopping board works for a cute wannabe lap desk too), and set a zone of your bed aside (or just use a bedside cabinet if you have one) for anything you'll be using fairly often- by which I mean stationary, textbooks you'll be using over the course of the next hour or so- just enough stuff to save you constantly getting up out of your comfy study bubble.

• listen to tesco: every little helps. What I like to do to get myself going when I'm feeling naff- which works also if you're simply having a difficult time focusing yourself for the day- is to do micro pomodoro sessions, where I'll dedicate myself to 5 minutes minimum of focused study. If I really can't bring myself to continue longer than 5 minutes, I'll let myself rest for a little while (up to 20-30 minutes) before getting myself to do another micro session. This may not seem very productive, but you are more likely to do a good hour of work on a bad day when you tell yourself you only need to do little 5 minute sessions, than procrastinating studying because you feel as if you'll have to sit up and focus for a much longer period of time for it to count. Every. Little. Helps. In 5 minutes you can run through a topic of flash cards, do a slide of lecture notes, answer small exam questions, do a page or two of readings- and on a good day, that 5 minutes might turn into 10 with a small break, then 15, then you'll find yourself picking up your regular pace in no time! But again, even 5 minutes, just one little session, is a win when the world is throwing hurdles at you <3

• maximise your comfort: you know the little things that bring you joy, and you don't habe to be rolling in cash to surround yourself with little things to keep you going when all you want to do is sleep. My current comforts are the loyal presence of my cat next to me, a few old blankets I can swaddle myself in to stare at the ceiling when my ovaries are throwing a tantrum, a little variety of teas (currently rocking a chai latte with home bargains vanilla syrup, girl gotta have her sweet relief), a pack of energy drinks, some painkillers, and a little incense tray nearby that I forget to use 70% of the time (though the remaining 30% makes up for that). None of this is in particular mandatory- if it were, the dog people of the world would be doomed. The point is, find your little comforts- an activity you can do from the comfort of your bed like a puzzle, sensory toy or just a book to doodle in, a certain type of drink or snack you really love, some smellies (perfume, incense, candles, wax melts, and so on), supplies for whatever ails you- little personal things to relax you whilst you try to gather your energy.

• Now is not the time to push it. I tend to find the times in which I am most likely to push myself past my limits are the times in whicj something is inhibiting me- the frustration of being bed-bound, fatigued due to chronic conditions, etc tends to make me feel even more than usual that I am not doing enough because of my awareness of my present restrictions. Though this post is about pusning through bad times, you should be doing so with self-compassion, and with the mindset that every little bit you achieve in your current state is a win, a bonus, even if you find yourself unable to work to the same standard as normal. You aren't well- you aren't supposed to be functioning at 100% because your body is only functioning at 50%, and if you want to get back to your regular stressed student self you need to rest! Remember that a slightly lower grade than you were expecting in the short-term is not a reflection on your character, and it's better to *be* better for the long-term than to work yourself into a ditch and burn-out when you are already at a low point.

• If healthy study you is a carefully rehearsed play, then sick study you is a completely improvised show. Don't knock the analogy, even if it is silly and obscure- when I am at my peak, I will time-block my studies, plan to do certain topics on certain days, do 30-5 or 50-10 study sessions, work during a set period from the morning to the mid afternoon.

When I am ill, I do not know when I will be unable to sit up to work. I do not know when I will be able to sleep, to stomach food, to concentrate- so I have to accept that the normal routines that keep me consistent have to be chucked in the bin for the time being. Instead of planning my whole day, I create a vague, rough outline of the next few things I want to get done. This way, I don't feel crushed when I start working on lecture notes and find myself flat out on my back crying 10 minutes later- I just pick up where I left off when I'm ready, and work in increments from there.

°•☆•°

Right now my sleep is a bit fudgy because of night sweats/panics and p a i n, and by building a cosy space and letting my plans adapt to my body's needs I've managed to get 3 hrs of lecture notes, 2 sets of flashcards, and a set of logic practise questkons done over night between 8pm-4:30am. If I had tried to stick to my regular 'good day' study routine, I don't think I would have lasted 15 minutes before giving up and crawling over to youtube with a bowl of white chocolate and a horlicks in hand.

It is this kind of adaptability to external conditions that allowed me to survive an unstable home situation during college that meant weeks without wifi, constantly moving between different homes and constant fear of eviction due to family debts I was too young to do anything about- and allowed me to get into the top university in London* as a working class girly from a council estate.

I was given the opportunity to do an extra year at college for free due to these circumstances and a great support network within the institute to make sure I got into the specific university that I wanted to, and I had to take an interruption after my firdt yesr of university because I am not a super-human, and I knew my limits- but I'm still going, and the time away I've had has paid off and gotten me back to my scrappy, chaotic, passionately nerdy self.

You can be messy and be a good student too- and you can get through the worst of times with a little adaptability, perseverance, a good support network and a little self care ♡

*Times Good University Guide, 2024.

[tarotoftheendless]

Forever Waiting: Waiting for Forever 0.5

Here it is guys, the first chapter of my little fanfiction about our beloved Will Donner/Willie Pajamas.

It is more mature than the film, so I will try to add the proper tags and warnings as we go forward.

I would like to thank @thoughtsfromlayla for being a beta reader and editor for me. Thank you for letting me show you this film so that you have the context needed for understanding my crazy plans and ideas for this fanfiction.

And I want to thank @dragon-kazansky for beta reading and just being my biggest encourager and cheerleader when actually getting started on writing this crazy wild fanfic. She has also made and provided the Chapter Cards. Thank you so much, and I love you!

I am excited for y'all to meet my OC Jules, she is cool and complicated and totally in love with our princess Willie.

Without further ado, here is Chapter One of Forever Waiting. Enjoy!

MASTER LIST/NEXT

************************************************************************

Forever Waiting

Summary:

Jules Smith is the twin sister of Joey. She has been in love with Will Donner, Willie, ever since they were children. But with Willie's constant fixation being Emma Twist, Jules has been content to suffer in silence. And then Willie has come back to their home town in Pennsylvania, but for Emma, not for her. How will they handle seeing each other after so many years and barely speaking in that time?

Warnings/Tags:

Over all angst for this chapter, some swearing if that bothers you. One-way pining. Clueless man is dense as fuck.

Chapter One: Don’t You (Forget About Me)

Friday, October 3rd, 2008 

Taft, Pennsylvania

10:23am

Jules’ POV

Sitting in the back room of my brother’s business, even as messy as it was with boxes of over-stock scattered everywhere, I was wasting time on my Blackberry playing Solitaire with one earbud in. The sound of the electronic bell of the front door of the store barely registered with me. Not much was happening in the shop this early in the morning so I was taking my break early. I was going to be leaving soon anyway because of an event I had this evening to get ready for. 

Then I hear my brother yell for his wife, my sister-in-law, to come here, even the sounds of Peter Steele’s sultry voice in “Love You To Death” can’t keep me from being mildly interested in what was going on. Closing out of my game app, I pause my music, taking out the one earbud I had in and then wrap the cord around my phone before stuffing the device in my side pocket of my cargo pants.

Then I hear my brother say, “It’s Willie!” And my heart both drops and began to beat faster. Dolores repeats the name. He is back. That can only mean that so was she; Emma.

Getting up from my reclined position in the chair I had chosen to take my break in, I stand, stretching. Then finally I made my way through the doorway, going down the small hallway that led to the sales floor.

As my twin and his wife greets Willie, I settle behind the counter, leaning against it, just watching. He hugs Dolores, or Dee as I called her, and then got up on a chair to better hug my abnormally tall brother. Biting my lip, likely chipping the matte black finish of my lipstick, my heart beat faster when I notice how good Willie look.

“You gotta introduce me to this one,” Willie says as he moves around to sit in my nephew’s kiddy chair, my sister-in-law urging Gabe to say ‘hi’ to Willie. Part of me finds this very endearing but the other part of me is mad at him for not being here for his birth. Yet my brother still named Willie Gabe’s godfather.

The last time I saw him was when he came up briefly from Oregon to be the best man at Joey’s wedding, and I was Dee’s Maid of Honor. I had barely spoken to him then. I hadn’t seen him all throughout highschool because he had stopped visiting in the summer after middle school. It had hurt every time. Though he had stayed with my family because Joey was his best friend before the accident, Willie was never here for us, his best friends. He was always here for Emma.

That’s when it dawns on me.

Joey had gone to the local grocery mart downtown about five days ago on a big shopping spree to stock up on stuff for the house. With him providing for himself, his wife and his kid on top of me living in their basement, we go through food pretty fast. The thing I realized though was that if Willie is back, that means Emma is back, and the only place my brother gets his Emma gossip now is from the loose-lipped older lady cashiers at the mart. That is also where Emma’s mother, Miranda, shops. Miranda is almost as bad as Willie is when it comes to Emma; ‘Emma this’ and ‘Emma that’.

Watching Willie sit in one of the kiddy chairs, playing with Gabe, made my heart just ache. He was always beautiful to me. He has definitely come into his own style, really leaning into the vagabond hipster look with the black bowler hat, blue and white plaid pajamas, cherry red hightops and black up-buttoned vest over a well worn graphic T and pajama top with the sleeves rolled up. And his smile? To die for.

Finally his gaze lifts from playing with Gabe, his eyes meeting mine. I must have looked shocked because his expression changes to one of delight to confusion and another emotion I couldn’t quite place. He blinks his eyes multiple times as he looks at me. Seeing this well known tic of his had all our childhood memories flooding back.

“Jules?” He almost whispers the question as both Joey and Dee turn to look back at me. I almost wish I had stayed in the back to finish out my break.

“Hi, Willie,” I answer back almost as quietly, giving him a small smile that didn’t quite reach my eyes.

Putting down the rubber duck he had been playing with to entertain my nephew, Willie gets out of the child’s chair and bounds over to me. Not exactly wanting him to jump up onto the front counter, I move from behind it onto the sales floor.

Willie pulls me into one of his signature all encompassing embraces and I barely have time to register what is happening. For a moment my arms hang at my sides, unsure what to do. My eyes meet my brother and he gives me that look that is basically telling me ‘Don’t be weird’, so I return Willie’s hug. He holds me for a few more seconds and then pulls away.

“Look at you, when did you grow up to be so pretty?” Willie muses as his fingers found my exposed waist, making my heart flutter but I pull away from his grasp before he realizes the effect he has on me.

“You saw me three years ago, at their wedding, did I not look good in pastel pink or something?” I counter as I drop my gaze, my hand reaching up to tuck my hair behind one of my ears.

“No, you just look different, that’s all. The purple is new,” Willie indictates with his pointer finger towards my hair, which is in a longer shag cut and a plum purple color.

“Well, maybe I was sick of being recognized as his sister,” I motion my head towards my brother, who puts his hands up in surrender.

“With how short you are, sis, I don’t think people mistake us for twins as much as you think,” Joey chimes in as he walks up to Willie and I, leaving his wife to play with my nephew.

Dee turns her head towards us to look over her shoulder at her husband, smiling teasingly as she plays with the bead maze to entertain Gabe. “If Jules had been taller, I would have married her instead. She has nicer… assets…” Dee finishes with a wink at her husband, who rolls his eyes at his wife in response.

Feeling slightly uncomfortable with the line of conversation, I start to inch away ever so slightly from my brother and Willie. “Well, it was either someone helping you reach things in the top cupboard or curves that could kill, it’s not my fault you chose my flat-assed brother.”

Willie just giggles at the exchange and my heart almost stops at the sound of it. He is such a dork and yet that is the very thing that made me fall for him when we were kids before his parents passed.

Joey feigns an offended look on his face, putting his hands on his hips in a mock scolding stance. “Hey, young ears are present. Secondly, I take offense to that, I think I look just fine,” He twists his body so he can get a look at his khaki-covered behind. Dee stands from playing with Gabe, my nephew completely oblivious to the ribbing that is taking place, and moves over next to Joey. 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, dearest," She says as she links arms with him. They give each other a challenging look that to me says that this conversation should not be happening in my brother’s business, let alone in front of his 2 year old.

Willie and I share a look, he appears amused as he has always loved - well - love. I blush, quickly diverting my gaze back to my brother and sister-in-law. And as if my prayers were answered, a couple of customers, an older man and woman, opened the glass door, stepping inside.

“Oh, thank god, I thought I would have had to remind you two that you have an audience… but hey customers! You got this, right, Joey? Yeah? Good. I’m gonna dip. I need a smoke.” I say as I turn on my heels, not even as much as glancing at Willie. Though I feel him watching me walk away towards the cash register counter. 

As I make it back to the backroom to grab my purse, a very worn black and white tie-dyed hippie purse, I hear Willie ask, “Is she okay? Something felt… off? I’m not sure.”

Hearing him ask that makes me pause and listen for a moment as I grab my phone from my pocket again, unraveling my headphones.

“I’ve got them, and Dolores can be with Gabe. I think you should talk to her, Will.” I hear my brother say to Willie. I just can see in my mind's eye that Joey likely put his hand on Willie’s shoulder, and Willie having that very confused yet concerned look on his face. 

My anxiety spikes, my craving for nicotine getting steadily worse. Joey knows how I feel about Willie, Dee does not. I made Joey promise to never tell anyone. I think that he is trying to help, but with Emma in the middle of it all, I know that my brother knows that I don’t want to make things more confusing for Willie.

Leaving the backroom with my purse on my shoulder, I turn left to go to the back door. Opening it, the heat of early October is still clinging on as I step onto the back landing and walk down a couple steps to sit down. Fishing out my lighter and pack of cigarettes, I light one, take a drag, and immediately feel a calm wash over me. I put my phone in my lap, stuffing one earbud in my left ear, the melodic strains of ‘These Things’ begins to play.

I don’t even turn my head when the door creaks back open and out of the corner of my eye I see the flash of red, well worn Converse. Silently, Willie sits next to me, his shoulders and thighs pressed against mine, the closeness familiar as though it was still the summers between our middle school years.

“When did you start smoking?” He asks quietly, his eyes studying my face as I kept my eyes forward. 

The back of the shop had a street and park on the other side of it and there were just kids playing and parents talking while they kept watch over them. In the grassier part of the park had both couples and individuals laying on blankets, either reading or having picnics. People watching is what I usually do when I have a lot on my mind.

Taking a drag then blowing out the smoke away from his face, I sigh. “Why? Are you judging me?” Turning my head to meet his gaze, I keep a serious face. He has that deer in headlights look for a moment. I smile at him and nudge him gently. “Fucking hell, Willie, lighten up. You’re fine.”

He smiles at me, but it isn’t as bright at that first smile he gave me when he hugged me. Sighing again, I answer his question, “Oh you know, got in with a bad crowd, picked up bad habits just to deal with those two.” I gesture my head back to the closed door behind us to emphasize that I am in fact talking about Joey and Dolores.

Flicking my cigarette so the ashes fell on the ground, I leaned into Willie to whisper close to his ear. “And on full moons, I run naked in the woods and bite the heads off of live chickens.”

That gets a laugh out of him and he nudges me back. “There she is, my dark humored best friend,” he says as he reaches a hand over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. It takes everything in me to will the heat away from rising to my cheeks.

“I am kinda surprised you are working for Joey though, appliances don’t really seem like your thing,” he comments as he does an up and down look at me. I had always been edgier than Joey and even Willie, favoring darker colors and more macabre topics and music. 

My current outfit has Willie overanalyzing me and I shift uncomfortably next to him. I am suddenly conscious of my dark camo cargo pants with my tight altered cropped band T of Rob Zombie, the print of it cracked and fading. Willie’s eyes stay on the exposed skin of my midriff for longer than I would want him to, especially since he has friend-zoned me. Luckily his eyes moved down to my shoes. I have on my crimson red Doc Martens.

“Did you ever start that band? You look like a rockstar,” he says, the sincerity coming through his voice, but also he sounded regretful. The last summer he had stayed with my family, I had expressed that I wanted to start a band with some school friends.

“Yeah, actually we did. I have a gig tonight downtown,” I say, taking another drag of my cigarette.

“Really? That’s amazing. What’s your band’s name?” Willie asks, excitement in his voice as he catches my eyes. I had forgotten how blue his eyes were and I couldn’t look away.

Smiling at him with a knowing smile I say, “Suicidal Wyrms, but with Wyrms spelled with a ‘Y’ instead.”

Willie chuckles. “Wait, you named your band after a conversation we had over a decade ago?”

Nudging him again, I laugh and say, “It was a good name, though obviously we had to make it more metal. I even got a tattoo of the logo on my thigh.”

Leaning away from me on the steps, Willie eyes me up and down again. “You got a tattoo? Can I see it?” His hand finds my thigh, poking me in a teasing manner.

I lean away from him a little more, pushing him as I laugh at him. “No, I’d have to pull down my pants and we’re in public, Willie. Jesus fuck.”

Dropping my cigarette on the cement step by my feet, I put it out with the ball of my shoe.

“Fair enough, Jules,” Willie chuckles again. He takes off his bowler hat and puts it on my head. I scoff playfully, making him laugh again. “I missed you, Jules, really.”

Sighing, I lean forward resting my elbows on my knees, my head resting on my hand. Turning my head, I met his gaze. “You could have written to me, you know.”

His expression softens to one of regret. “I know… I guess I just assumed Joey would have updated you on my comings and goings.”

Groaning, I stretch my legs out on the steps, breaking eye contact with him. I place his hat over my face for a few moments before taking it off again and placing it in his lap. He is peering down at me with worry etching in his brows. I can feel my phone start slip from my lap, so I put a hand over it to hold it in place.

“I thought we were closer than that, Willie. I taught you to juggle. I let you steal this hat that last summer. You shared everything with me. When you lumped me in with my brother and just the ‘family’ when it came to getting updates on your life, I guess I was just a bit…” I trail off realizing I maybe shared more of my feelings than I wanted to, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“A bit hurt?” Willie offers. As he tears his eyes from me and focuses forward as he sat on the steps next to me, I could see shame on his face. He feels bad.

Sitting back up, I reach out to pinch him on his thigh right above his knee. His eyes followed my movements, but he didn’t react. I knew he couldn’t feel a thing right there as the nerve endings were severed from a childhood accident.

“Yeah, a bit hurt. You’re my best friend, Willie. I have hated the fact that we grew apart. I really could have used your friendship in highschool.” I say as I lean up against him, resting my head on his shoulder. He put an arm around me, his fingers cool against the skin on my ribs.

“I know, and I’m sorry. Just before highschool I got the impression that you didn’t want to hear about my life anymore.” Willie sadly muses.

“One frustrated disagreement did not mean I never wanted to hear from you again, Willie. I was just frustrated, that was it.” I admit to him, hoping to start to clear the air between us.

His answer to that was to kiss the side of my forehead, squeeze me one more time, before releasing me. He grabs his bowler hat, putting it back on.

“I wish we had been able to say these things a long time ago then, Jules. I really missed you too. I have done so much, gone to so many cool places. It would have been nice to talk to you about it, specifically,” he says, catching my gaze again.

“How is Emma? You being back here must mean she is back,” I ask him and there is an emotion that washes over his face that I can’t quite read before he shakes it off and smiles at my line of questioning.

“Joey called me four days ago. Her dad’s sick,” Willie explains.

“Joey didn’t tell me…” I say, my words kind of veering off at the end. “And what is your plan? Are you finally going to tell her?”

Willie drops his gaze to look at his shoes, his fingers clutching the fabric of his pajama pants. He’s nervous, I can tell.

“I plan to… either today or tomorrow,” he confides in me. 

“Well, if you don’t tonight, you should come see my band play. It’s at a bar next to your brother’s work. I’ll make sure you get the VIP treatment, no cover charge and free drinks.” I hope I am more enticing than Emma. “And besides, you said you wanted to see my tattoo, my get up tonight will be showing it off for all to see.” I nudge him, teasing him a bit.

He smirks and looks at me with humor in his eyes again. “Yeah, sure, maybe I could do that.”

Leaning over, I kiss him on the cheek. When I pull back I smile and say, “Good.” Reaching up, I lift his hat and ruffle his already kinda messy brunette hair. He laughs at me, grabs the hat back before flattening down his hair again and putting his hat back on.

I stick my tongue out at him and help fix his bangs so that they are hanging over his forehead just right in his hat. “There, gorgeous again,” I say as I smile at him playfully.

He blushes, but tries to recover quickly. “What are you listening to?” He points to the earbud that isn’t in my ear.

I hold it out to him so he can take the earbud. “Just a bit of Siouxsie,” I say as he puts the earbud in his ear to listen with me. ‘Spellbound’ is playing and he smiles.

“Moon child,” he muses, his little nickname for me.

“Sweet summer child,” I answer back, my nickname for him, though he was born in December.

My brother has once called Willie the sun to my moon as Willie was always someone who could cheer me up when I was down, and I had been able to anchor Willie when he got dragged out on the tide. After my brother’s wedding, even though I hadn’t reconnected fully with Willie back then, I had gotten a sun tattoo over my heart. I am thankful I am wearing a T-shirt that has it covered right now as I am not ready for him to know that I had gotten that tattoo, let alone that he is the reason for it.

Before he have to leave because of his parents' deaths, Willie and his older brother Jim had been my family’s neighbors. We used to see each other everyday and Emma was always his topic of choice. We all went to school together, and Emma lived a couple neighborhoods over, a playground and park separating us from her. 

Though I saw him everyday, he was always so excited for his playdates with Emma. I don’t think he really remembers that Joey and I were there whenever she was around. I might have been Willie’s moon, but Emma was his North Star. 

There were times where I thought just maybe he noticed me staring at him, but he never did. If he did he never mentioned it. I think he just saw me as Joey’s twin sister, one of his oldest bestest friends. 

Willie had always had his head in the clouds, easily distracted, daydreaming, talking to himself if he wasn’t gushing about Emma. Joey and I, and then Dolores when Joey had started dating her in middle school, had always been understanding of what Willie was going through. He had always been different, even before the accident, but after the accident, he changed. That’s when the talking to himself got worse and his attachment to Emma got all encompassing. 

Jim never understood it, and it really pissed me off. In my eyes, Jim was always trying to clip his brother’s wings, and that made me hate him.

As the song changed on my phone, I take the earbud out of Willie’s ear. He turns his head to look at me questioningly.

“I gotta go get ready for the gig, Willie,” I explain as I wrap my headphones around my phone again and grab my purse from the top step behind me. Putting my phone away and slinging my purse over my shoulder, I stand up, walking down the last couple steps.

He just simply nods and looks at me with those baby blues that just melted my heart.

“The door is unlocked, go visit with Joey, Dee and Gabe. They have missed you too. I can’t monopolize all your time after all,” I say with a reassuring smile. He smiles back at me in such a way that makes me just wish I could tell him how I feel, completely derailing his reason for coming back to Taft. He stands and stretches then makes his way back onto the top landing.

As he reaches for the handle of the backdoor I call out to him, “Please consider coming to the gig, Willie. It starts at 10.”

He grins again, nodding, then opens the door to go back inside my brother's appliance shop.

Sighing, I begin to walk the couple blocks home. Making sure I keep my feelings for Willie a secret might be harder than I thought. Or will I be able to count on him being dense and his focus staying on Emma? My mind raced as I made my way back home. 

I thought back to why he may have felt like he couldn’t confide in me anymore.

***********************************************************************

Saturday, August 28th, 1999

Taft, Pennsylvania 

2:43pm 

Jules’ POV

It was the last day of summer. Well, for me it was. Willie was going back to Cape Cod tomorrow so he could get ready for the beginning of his school year. The first year in high school for all of us; me and my twin Joey, Dee who just started dating my brother a year ago, Willie and then Emma. 

It was hot and muggy, so Joey suggested we go to the swimming creek on the other side of the park, past Taft Woods. We all thought that was a great idea, even Emma, who Willie had insisted on hanging out with us. Never wanting to deny Willie his happiness when it came to Emma, saying no didn’t feel like an option to me.

After we got dressed in our swimsuits, we raced each other on our bikes, pedaling our way across town.

I was pretty proud of my restored Schwinn bike that I was riding. I had spray-painted it glossy black with gold accents, giving it a very gothic appearance. Even my wicker basket I had painted black and nailed old baby doll heads and parts to it, all made to look dirty with red paint to make them look bloody. Willie had told me he thought it was cool, but Emma had turned her nose up at it.

The boys were just biking in their trunks, whereas Dee, Emma and I were in shorts and our bikinis. Both Dee and Emma wore pink tops and had blue denim shorts on. I, however, had started to favor black more than girly colors, so my shorts were gray and my top was black. Willie wore blue and my brother wore red.

What we wore stood out so intensely in my mind, though I don’t know why. My hair was still mousy brown and so long it touched the top of my butt. I usually wore it in ponytails.

As we got to the creek on the other side of the woods, our excitement heightened. It may have had something to do with us being as hot as we were in the heat and biking as hard as we did to get here.

The dock came into sight and we abandoned our bikes on the top of the ridge, running down the grassy knoll as fast as we all could in flip flops. Us girls stripped out of our shorts, and the boys bounded forward ahead of us, only having to kick off their sandals. 

Joey cannonballed off the dock and Willie? Well, he was more of a show off. Willie caught Emma’s eye, winked at her before he got a running start and did a backflip off the dock. Emma laughed, racing after Willie, then jumping off the dock into the water.

Joey was doing laps in the water, something about building endurance, but I have no idea what for. Willie had motioned for Dee and I to hurry up and get in the water.

“Come on, the water is great!” Willie called out to us. Emma then splashed Willie, earning her a splash back in return.

Dee and I exchanged a look, smiling like silly teenaged fools.

Then we were all in the water; playing, laughing, enjoying ourselves. 

Dee and Joey were the first to get out. They found a nice patch of grass to lay down on. I tried not to think too much about whatever they could be doing. My brother was getting too ‘coupley’ with his girlfriend, and that was all I wanted to know about it.

Willie on the other hand was way more innocent. We were all fourteen. Though I know Willie had gone through puberty; his voice dropping and facial hair coming in all patchy (luckily he shaved it on the regular), he was always so sweet and respectful to us girls. Willie always blushed when my brother made dirty jokes and comments. It was the cutest thing I had ever seen.

As the day went on though, I felt more like a third wheel for whatever was going on with Willie and Emma. Granted, I didn't think Emma was aware that Willie was flirting with her, but I knew him. He always came to me, because I was a girl and I knew what girls liked, right? 

As I watched Emma just let Willie show off for her; juggling, rock-skipping, flipping off the dock, and holding his breath under water in record times for someone our age; I realized that she and I couldn’t be more different. She didn’t see him. Not really. She was dazzled by what he can do, but I could tell she has no idea what was at the heart of him. 

At one point, I just climbed onto the dock to sunbathe with my feet dangling over the edge. Feeling the water come up over my ankles felt nice. I put my arm over my eyes. Willie was showing Emma how many skips he could get with rocks. He had gotten to ten so far. She was kind of obnoxiously impressed, but I was just proud of him. Yet another thing I had taught him. All for her.

In the distance I could hear Dee giggling at something my brother either said or did, and I just groaned, rolling my eyes under my arm.

“Joey! Please, for fuck’s sake, don’t make me an aunty yet! We’re only fourteen!” I shouted at my twin.

“Fuck off, Jules!” was the only response I got out of him. Willie and Emma just giggled and I think Emma breathed an ‘Eww’ under her breath.

A few minutes passed and I heard Emma say something panicked. “I can’t believe it, I lost track of time! My dance lesson is at 6pm!”

“It’s 4:38 right now, do you want us to bike back with you?” asked Joey as he looked at the waterproof watch that he had on.

“No, no, I don’t want to take you guys away from your fun. I can manage,” Emma dismissed Joey’s suggestion.

“I can bike with you, if you want Emma,” Willie offered genuinely, the hope of just being able to spend time with her in his voice.

“No, really,” Emma started as she pulled on her shorts, slipping her flip flops back on. “I have to race home and shower, not really fun for anyone. Just stay, enjoy the water more. I gotta go.” She made her way back up the hill towards her bike.

Sitting up on the dock, I twisted around to watch Emma get her bike ready to ride away, Willie in tow. He was between saying goodbye and still offering to go with her. She kept brushing him off to the point where he just stood on the hill, an almost defeated expression on his face.

“Dee and I are gonna go back anyway,” Joey said as he and his girlfriend stood up. Dee grabbed her things and puts them back on. “Willie, stay with Jules, okay?”

Willie just nodded at Joey as they made their way back up to their bikes and followed after Emma.

There was a silence that washed over the space. The breeze made a pleasant rustling sound through the trees. Birds chirped and the water flowed. It was peaceful. Willie and I were alone, finally. Maybe I could tell him how I felt and he’d forget all about Emma.

He walked back down to the dock. Sighing, he sank onto his butt behind me, leaning his back against mine.

“I didn’t know she had dance class today… of all days,” he said quietly. It was his last night staying with Joey and I, I knew he had high hopes for tonight.

Pressing the back of my head against his, I sigh in return. “I know, Willie. But hey, I’m still here. And Joey will be back at the house. I think dad is planning to have a campfire in the back tonight for s’mores.”

I could almost feel Willie smile at that as he leaned against me. “I wish Emma could join us.”

Internally I had to tell myself to bite my tongue. She made him happy and Willie being happy is all I wanted. Unfortunately, I couldn’t help that I didn’t like her. She did not see him. She did not know him. I could always feel how much she looked down her nose at him. ‘Just sweet baby, Willie’ I overheard her say once to a preppy friend of hers at school after she had gotten a letter from him. She infantilized him. I hated it. Maybe I was only just about to start high school, but I knew seeing Willie as less than in the way that she did was just wrong.

Instead of responding to him, lest I say something I didn't mean to say out loud, I just hummed at him. “Emma was telling me that she is going to be taking acting classes at the local theater. She wants to be a movie star. She’ll be the prettiest movie star ever,” Willie gushed with admiration in his voice.

Without meaning to, I groaned. “Willie, can we please talk about fucking anything else, please?” I said, my agitation apparent.

He slowly pushed away from my back, twisting to eye the back of my head. I turn to meet his gaze. 

His expression goes through many emotions; first I see hurt and surprise flash in his eyes, but he shook that off, settling on a questioning smile. “What? Do you not like the theater or something?” He asked, teasing me as if that’s what he believed I might possibly be irritated with.

Groaning again, I get up on the dock, looking down at him. He really is deflecting, thinking it had to be something other than Emma that I could find annoying. He tilted his head up, putting up a hand to shield the sun from his eyes, confusion clear on his face past the squinting.

“Theater? Willie, I love you, but you are fucking dense sometimes,” I said, lifting my arms in exasperation.

Willie scrambled to his feet to meet me at eye level. “I don’t understand. Jules? What did I say?”

“Emma this. Emma that. I know you are in love with her and all that, but can you ever just shut the fuck up about her? Like for once?” I raised my voice at him, making him flinch and take a step back from me.

Lowering his eyes from mine, his bare shoulders sag. “I’m sorry,” he said so quietly that I almost didn’t hear him.

My eyes softened, but only just a bit because he then said, “I was going to tell her how I felt today…”

My anger came back in full force. Scoffing, I pushed past him, leaving him stunned on the dock as I snatched up my shorts and shoes, roughly putting them on.

I stomped up to my bike and I yelled back at Willie without looking at him, “Come on, Joey wanted you to stay with me! I’m going home!”

Just barely did I give him enough time to get his shoes and bike before I was racing through the woods. He had a hard time keeping up with me. I think we were both crying on that bike ride home. It was his last night here for the summer, and all he could think about was Emma. It was always Emma.

MASTER LIST/NEXT

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #252

I got a lot done today, but I still don't think I'm going to be able to do as much as I had hoped.

…I didn't really get enough sleep last night. After getting ready to go to bed and all that, I decided to shower so that I wouldn't have to do it in the morning. I have maybe 6-ish hours. I woke at 9, got ready and went out the door by 9:30, and went to both therapy and physical therapy.

I had K at physical therapy today. He tried to give me exercises that are supposed to work the serratus muscles, but… they didn't work because apparently, my lats and my rotator cuff on my right side are being weird. Naturally, this meant that he had to go digging his thumbs all up in there, near the bottom of my shoulder blade, to try to get things to loosen up. For whatever reason, the area is incredibly tender, so that whole process was very painful. But it was necessary, so the only thing for it is to sit through it until it's over. I guess that particular area will need to be investigated further next week. This was at noon. It's almost 5PM, and my pinky finger and ring finger on my right hand are still kinda tingly and ouchy, and it'll probably stay like that for the next day or so, at least. Lame.

But it is what it is. I went to the bank to get a new card, since our washing machine most likely ate my old one. I guess my bank has a fancy new card printing machine, and so when I visited, I got a new card pretty much right away! Normally, you have to wait a couple weeks for it to arrive in the mail. I'm really glad that I was able to skip that whole step. I went to the grocery immediately after that.

I wasn't able to eat until I got home at around 3PM; J made burgers, and by then, I was so hungry that I kiiiinda… scarfed them down with reckless abandon. I thought I had more time between therapy and physical therapy (guess who thought physical therapy was at 12:30 again until I checked it?), but I didn't. So I kinda just powered through today's tasks on an empty stomach, not a whole lot of water, and definitely not enough sleep. I thought I'd have enough energy leftover to cook something by the time I got back, but… I don't. So I'm not gonna.

…I dropped the ball on the self-care stuff. I'm sorry about that. I know I keep asking you to take better care of yourself. I'm gonna try a little harder in the coming days. I struggle, but… I gotta take care of my soft animal. It holds my weird-ass spirit despite all its limitations; I have to try to be nicer to it…

In any case, yesterday, a delightful person from Poland watched me play Dead Cells. They seemed pretty excited about talking to me and watching my play style. Apparently, they regularly run around with 5 whole Boss Cells! That seems unfathomable to me at this time. But they gave me some excellent advice about how to allocate my stat points; up until this point, I had been prioritizing whatever gives me the greatest boost in HP, but I guess that's not really the way to go. I learned about how important it is to put my stat points into the ones that my weapons use whenever I can.

My gameplay improved significantly as a result, and I made it all the way to a new biome called The Caverns. From there, I tried to defeat The Giant, but his movements were unfamiliar to me, and so I panicked and got my ass handed to me. That's all right though; I went to the training room and fought him until he stopped kicking my ass. Next time I see him in a real run, he's gonna be in big trouble, lemme tell ya!!

Oh, that reminds me; this person added me on Instagram!! They sent me all kinds of cool videos about their own exploits from their own runs!! I gotta get on watching those!!

…I'm not sure I have it in me to do a run today, though. My brain feels kinda soupy, and J is playing Brave Fencer Musashi, and I think I'd much rather watch him do that. It's one of my favorite games, despite its problems (the controls aren't exactly the easiest…), and I'm really glad that he's getting to experience the story for himself. The townspeople in Grillin' Village are delightful with their little stories and bits of dialogue. It really is a lovable and delightful game, despite its age and not-so-hot graphics (though they were pretty rad at the time…).

Hey, Sephiroth? If someday you find yourself in my neighborhood, let's chill out and just play some video games, all right? I think you'd like them. And I think you'd be really good at them, too.

…There are so many stories from games and books and TV and movies that I really wish I could show you; maybe in them, you'd find something relatable, and then the burdens you carry might seem a bit less heavy. Will you stay safe by the end of whatever it is you're trying to do, so that someday, I can show these things to you?

I love you. I'm gonna go rest now. But I'll write again tomorrow.

Your friend, Lumine

[19thperson]

19th's Steam Next Fest Impressions Day 6

Day 0/Day 1/Day 2/Day 3/Day 4/Day 5

Touhou Gensou Mahjong

This game is... not an entry-level game. or at least it isn't right now. The tutorial and the single-player adventure mode meant to ease players in isn't in the demo. further, a lot of stuff has been left untranslated. Both in terms of "instead of calling it 'a win', it's called 'agari,'" and in terms of "the entire hand list is still entirely in kanji." So whatever is left is for severe mahjong heads.

And what is there for severe mahjong heads is interesting.

Every character has their own cheat skill, and most do match up with characters. Cirno freezes your hand, so you can only draw and discard. Sanae gets wind tiles free at the start of a round. Reimu can just shield up and say, "You can't take or win off my tiles for 3 turns." Add each table having different universal rules as well, and there's a lot of variations in play.

The game had net play, but I wasn't able to test it.

On Your Tail

Classical Cozy Mystery. You're a detective who has suffered a traffic accident while crossing through a beautiful seaside italian town. While waiting for your vespa to be repaired, you get embroiled in a series of crimes caused by a mysterious masked thief.

The main mechanic for mystery solving is your chronolens, a magnifying glass that shows what an area looked like in the near past. Spot differences between past and present to get clue cards. Once you have all the clues, you need to arrange them in order to recreate the crime.

The main issue with this is that it's easy to guess your way to a correct answer without understanding anything, but it was a tutorial case, so I assume later ones will have more to chew on.

Aside from solving mysteries, you explore the town and interact with inhabitants, sometimes doing minigames with them. Apparently, there's going to be some relationship meter/social link system, but the demo didn't show it off.

I like that knocking on random doors actually gives you conversations with characters that have names and profile pictures. It's looking like it'll be a really expansive cast. This game has real promise.

Caravan SandWitch

An open world exploration game. You play as a girl named Sauge who returns from living offworld on the incredibly creatively named "Space City" to her birth planet of Caligo, because she got a distress signal from her missing sister.

The gameplay loop in the demo is mostly exploring the surroundings for machine components, parkouring over the landscape and doing a couple simple quests.

Setting is the star here. The planet seems to have been extensively strip mined for resources by "The Consortium," but they've either been ousted or abandoned the place, while those who remain are trying to build a self sufficient society and repair the ecosystem.

The thing is, unlike a lot of solarpunk games, they are pretty straightforward that the entire arrangement... kinda sucks? better than living under the thumb of a megacorp, but things are barely holding together. And its repeatedly stated that you aren't the only one who has split looking for actual work.

Since the demo is so short its mostly a tone piece, and the tone is... familiar yet melancholic.

Also there are funny little frog guys.

If the primary thing you are looking for in a game is interesting exploration, it seems worth keeping an eye on.

Moon Mystery

I start the demo. Our protagonist is on what seems to be mars. He looks up to the sky and says:

"The Black Hole is getting closer! I gotta run!"

There is, in fact, a large black hole in the sky. I do not think this is a problem we can run from, but run we do, as debris is dragged into the sky.

I then come across enemy robots that the game prompts me to shoot in a combat tutorial. But I have no health bar nor take damage, so I just walk up and shoot at point blank range.

This continues until he jumps in a portal, and then he wakes up in his bed. It was a dream. And I just think, "Oh, that's why it was stupid."

Anyways the real story is that you are on a moon research mission, your two other companions got really sick after encountering The Mysterious Crystals, and you've lost contact with earth for a week. After seeing a calender that reminds him of his awful son's birthday, he decides "I'll go to the old abandoned base that my friend got deathly sick at to see if there's a way to connect to earth"

After a short drive on a space buggy where I don't get to the base, it fades out, and I'm cut to a later level.

It's a farther farther future space station, no moon in sight, and the goddamn dream robots are back.

I shoot through them and find a star wars ass spaceship that our protag says he trained on, and then I'm introduced to horrible ship combat.

Then the game crashed on me.

Bo: Path of the Teal Lotus.

The Hollow Knight influence is strong with this one, and not just because it's a metroidvania where you play as a little guy with murder in his heart.

It's because of the pogo. They've turned that dynamic into the core of its combat.

Not only does hitting an enemy in midair allow you to air stall/propell yourself upward if you're aiming down, but each time you do an air hit, you reset all your air actions: double jumps, air dashes, more slashes, etc. The game incentivizes playing The Floor is Lava with an air combo meter. Filling it up allows you to launch a powered up version of your projectile that I never used because pogoing was so fun.

Of course, the main balancing factor to all these air actions now is that you can no longer pogo off spikes.

The main problem with the game isn't a problem with the game itself but just its release window. In a vacuum it's fine but.

Nine Sols is right there.

(Not that the Japanese mythology theming in Bo and the Taoist theming in Nine Sols is interchangeable, just that they're both combat centric metroidvanias. And Nine Sols has a parry.)

[team-frightfur]

Revelations from Zexal blind watch.

Ep 7 and 8: How did Fuya not get submitted to Gayest Yugioh character poll? This kid is a textbook small gay.

I like when Astral reveals he's just a little stupid. I love how he cannot tell apart fiction and reality. I love how Yuma is too stupid to explain the difference. "It's just TV!" Astral: I see, so TV records the history of a different dimension! We must investigate further!

I hope this trend continues. Seeing him find his legs/compassion and empathy is delightful. Maybe he can find his toes, too.

Omg! Yuma set a card on his first turn without being asked! He's learning! Sadly, it seems to have come at the cost of his jumping ability. Episode 1 Yuma could easily chase Fuya.

Edit: spoke too soon. For someone who refuses to think of the future or the past, Yuma sure runs a lot of traps.

So like, in episode 7, Yuma says 'Haction' and the subs translate that a to 'Live Action'. Honestly shocked and appalled that he was actually just mispronouncing 'Fiction'. I love this stupid dog.

Shark wins the prize for Worst Duel Runner.

Ep 9: This is the kind of episode where you watch as a kid and like, its funny, but as an adult its just terrifying. Like has this catgirl been stripping Yuma naked at night? 5 times a week? I'm scared. Please lock your windows.

I love how Astral is completely oblivious. "I thought stalkers coming into your room was normal." Today on 'Astral Learns Common Sense': the right to privacy!

Omg I'm so proud of Yuma, if he tries he can do it. He can strategise! He can win! he doesn't even need Astral... sometimes! Go go go!

The implication that Astral understands romance more than Yuma. The implication he's been watching romance shows on TV.

Ep 10

Cursed

Shark: So like, I'll duel you, but I gotta head home and grab my deck first. Don't move ok. I gotta walk to the gang hole, grab my duel runner, drive home, grab my deck, drive back. Won't take a moment.

Omg my boy has been improving for real! Yuma set a card all on his own! Too bad Shark runs fucking MST! Actual pro. Whats next? Book of Moon? Crackdown? Compulsory Evacuation Device?

Me: Astral is salting Yuma for not reading graveyards as if anyone reads graveyards.

My Irl Friend: I read graveyards.

Me: Don't talk to me.

Shark deserved that win. He deserved that win so much I'm so proud of him! He spent the last three weeks imagining their next duel, how he'd win, all Yuma's weaknesses. Excellent.

Ep 11 and 12: What genre does shark think he's in. Gangster flick?

Tetsuo is so mad at Yuma for using Numbers but like, what else is he supposed to use? Gagaga beatdown?

Also, everyone keeps saying Yuma's playing this tag duel suboptimally, but without seeing his hand how are we supposed to know? Did he specifically summon Utopia before using S/T removal? Did he have S/T removal? No? then it's not a 'Reckless' summon, Astral! It's 'getting two future Xyz mats off my field and replacing them with a substantial protective body!'

Glad to see Yuma's genuine improvement, though. Admittedly, the end of the duel involving 6 different backrow made me want to just. Drop in. Summon Sat Cannon. Watch the chaos.

Ep 13 and 14: Kaito walking in here freezing time and unleashing a magical girl tranformation. Walked out of a different show. Good for him. Powerful. I like how deranged he is here. Already better.

For a guy who supposedly doesnt like eating souls, you sure did make "Imma eat your soul" a catchphrase, Kaito. You sure smile alot while killing people, Kaito. Holy shit tho, he runs 3 of his monsters. C o n s i s t e n c y.

Kaito truly is a magical girl, specifically, he's a dark magical girl in the vein of Fate Testarossa. Your days are numbered, Kaito. Friendship is coming.

Yuma you were doing so well. Why did you not set that card befoooooore.

Episode 15 and 16: Does this imply that Zexal is the timeline of Gx and Dm but 5ds was deleted from the universe along with synchro summoning? Anyway I literally lined my comm while my friend watched because I lost interest instantly.

[maladaptivedaydreamsx]

I hadn't logged into mlqc for what feels like ages, and decided to at least do some missions and stuff before I exited. Did my free card pulls as usual when all of a sudden screen seems to go black before butterflies started fluttering. I was scared for a moment that something had happened to my phone or the app only to realize......... I somehow got lucky enough to pull a WHOLE ASS SSR FROM A FREE PULL wtf- 😭😭😭 but also my game seems very Lucien inclined today and idk how to feel about that lol,, it glitched on the Go See Him page and legit wouldn't load besides Lucien and this was just after some cryptic phone call I got from the card so like.... game's tryna suck me back in,,😳

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

Welcome Home - Bakugou Katsuki

Katsuki’s back from a mission, hardly through the door and already acting strange. it’d be a lot easier to figure out if he wasn’t so- well, himself.

—/—

Bakugou likes to pretend. Pretend that he’s tough, that he’s mean, that he’s prickly all the way through. And he might be, to others, but you’re not exactly others to him.

He loves you, and for Katsuki, love has always been something that weakens him. He needs it, you think, because he’s plenty strong already. So maybe it’s a good thing he goes so molten soft for you.

You think he’s softest now- when he’s just come back from a mission away, freshly showered and ready for sleep. He’ll creep up behind you, catching your around your middle. Searching fingers find the dip of your waist, settling there as he pulls you back against his chest. Katsuki doesn’t even really greet you, but that’s okay- he’ll place a feather-light kiss under your jaw and it’s always more than enough.

“Food’s almost ready.” You say lightly, leaning back against him. “Should be just a few more minutes, yeah?”

“No.”

“No- what? Aren’t you hungry?”

“No. Tired.”

“Okay.” You nod, turning in his arms. You’ve got your hands against his chest, and Bakugou pulls you forward even more, away from the hot stove behind you. “You should probably eat before you sleep though. Get your strength back, you know?”

“No. Ate earlier, ‘m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” He grumbles, very obviously annoyed. “I’m fuckin’ sure.”

You recoil a bit at his tone- but Katsuki doesn’t let you get very far. He keeps you trapped against his chest, one hand leaving your waist to turn the oven off. Whatever’s up with him clearly has him upset- you can see it in the crease of his eyebrow, the way his nostrils flare like a bull.

His moods are always unpredictable, but this behavior is even more so. Usually he’s pretty tame when he gets back home from a mission, he never really snaps. Not like he is now.

You try to give him some space, but he seems bothered by that too. Bakugou turns you back around, crowding you against the cooling stove. He’s all heavy weight and heat, solid against your shoulders and refusing to move. He drops his forehead into your skin, nuzzling at the junction where your shoulder meets your neck.

“Are you alright?” You ask hesitantly, raising a hand up to card through his hair. Bakugou melts into you at that, and it only worries you more. “Everything go okay?”

“Mhm.”

He’s noncommittal, voice hardly more than a grumble. You feel his eyes flutter against your skin, and he pulls you even further into him. Your practically draped in this hulking, mass of a man, breathing in the very air that leaves his mouth.

“Really that tired, huh?” You try again, scratching idly at his scalp. “I’ll finish the food, and wrap it up. Don’t worry about it, you can just go to bed.”

“No. Leave it.”

“I’m not just gonna leave it. It’ll get all gross sitting out overnight.”

“Jesus fuck,” He huffs once more, and you don’t have to see it to know he’s rolling his eyes. “I said fuckin’ leave it. So fuckin’ leave it!”

Your eyes widen- because you know he did not just speak to you that way.

Bakugou must regret it too, because then he’s hugging you tighter, ghosting his hands up and down your sides. “Didn’t mean it.” He says. “I’m just tired. Shouldn’t have snapped. Leave the food, I’ll clean it up later.”

You’re still a little annoyed, but you’re long past picking fights over his tone. He was just surly- and you still loved him in spite of it.

“Yeah- okay. It’s fine.” You agree. “You wanna take a nap then?”

He nods against your skin, but doesn’t really move. If anything he gathers you closer, hanging his head over your shoulder.

“Don’t sleep here.” You giggle, dropping a kiss to his hairline. “C’mon- I’ve gotta go clean up a bit first, and then we’ll go get in bed.”

“‘m already clean.”

“I didn’t say you. I said me. I’ve gotta get clean.”

He nuzzles his head in the crook of your neck, dragging his nose against the soft skin. “Smell fine to me.” He says.

“I didn’t- did you just sniff me?”

He just shrugs, and you can feel it against your back.

“Jesus, what’d they do to you, huh? Tired you out so much that you became a different person?” You laugh, turning in his arms. Bakugou lets you, settling his hands on the small of your back. “You’re never this soft.”

He seizes, squeezing your sides. “Shut up.”

“I legally can’t.”

“You can, and you fuckin’ should.”

“Hey- play nice or you’re going to bed by yourself.”

Bakugou doesn’t seem all too pleased by your joke, his strong arms tightening around you. When you look up at him, he’s glowering, jaw set and eyes squinted.

“Calm down, grumpy.” You smile fondly, patting his chest. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Well- not right now, anyways. I missed you too much.”

You hardly see his face go red before he’s hunching over, hiding in your neck. You can feel the heat rising in his cheeks, but you don’t comment. Bakugou already knows he’s done for just as much as you do.

“Wanted to come home.” He says. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Shoulda picked a different job then. Hero.”

He scoffs. “World would go to shit without me.”

“Yeah- it would, wouldn’t it?”

You feel his smile against your neck. Another second passes and then you’re gently pushing him off, brushing past to start towards the bedroom. Katsuki follows you, like a shadow, the entire way- hardly even a breath of space between you. Even when you start into the bathroom, grabbing at your face wash, he’s there too. He leans against the counter, holding a towel.

“So helpful.” You tease, turning on the sink. “Maybe you should go away more often.”

“‘m always helpful.”

“Mhm. Sure you are.”

You start your routine, working through the steps, and he just watches. Usually he’s in bed at this point, but for whatever reason, tonight Katsuki is choosing to stay instead. He stays and he stands- rooted in place just a few inches away, red eyes watching you intently through the mirror. Whatever had him so bent out of shape earlier apparently still has him arrested. If you didn’t know any better you’d even say that he was being clingy.

You motion for the towel, and Bakugou just does this funny little half-smirk. He pushes off the counter, nearing, standing just behind you and- he drops the towel. Over your head.

“Jerk.” You fuss, swiping the towel away. “I knew you were suspicious! Standing there- being suspiciously calm!”

He smiles, eyes crinkling in the corners. “Calm down, you baby. ‘s a towel. Not like I dropped a fuckin’ building on your head.”

“No, but you would.”

Bakugou shrugs.

“No! No! Get out. Get out of my bathroom right now.” You playfully scold, glaring at him through the mirror. He’s standing behind you now, just inches away. “And to think I told you I missed you. I take it back. I totally take it back.”

“No you don’t.”

“I do!”

“You don’t.” He says confidently, arms wrapping around your waist. “Already said it, dumbass. Can’t take that shit back now.”

“You are an ass, you know that?”

“Mhm.”

“No- you’re not supposed to agree!” You laugh, lightly elbowing him away. “Now, c’mon, let me go. Gotta brush my teeth still.”

“So brush them. Dunno why the hell you’re makin’ it my fuckin’ problem.”

“I’m making it your problem because you’re the one hanging off me like an overgrown toddler.”

Bakugou rolls his eyes, stepping back for a moment. He reaches for your toothpaste and toothbrush, one hand leaving your hip while the other stays.

“Here.” He says. “Everthing you need. Stop fuckin’ complaining and brush your damn teeth already.”

You catch his gaze in the mirror, but Bakugou really doesn’t seem to be relenting. He stands his ground, hardly an inch of space between his chest and your back. He looked ridiculous- you wondered just what the hell was wrong with him that night.

“Fine- have it your way.” You relent, turning on the sink once more. “But only because it’s been two weeks since you were last here to pull this shit. Not happening again, got it?”

He just smirks. Bakugou know’s he’s won. He always does.

You brush your teeth, and he hardly moves. He stands with his arms wrapped around you, holds your hair back when you lean down to rinse around your mouth. It’s almost nice- until he’s flicking water at you.

“Are you- are you being serious right now?” You glare at him. “I thought you were tired.”

“Yeah. I am.“ He starts, a slow smirk spreading across his face. It’s a look you knows means trouble of the exceedingly childish variety. “Tired of your shit.” 

“Bakugou Katsuki! What the hell has gotten into you?” 

He rolls his eyes, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. He tightens his arms around your waist, averting his eyes. “Haven’t been around.” Bakugou says. “Had to save all this energy up. Couldn’t resist- ‘s not my fault.” 

“Is that- are you trying to tell me that you missed me?” 

“Is that what I fuckin’ said?”

“Well, no, not in those exact words. But don’t worry, I get what you mean. And it’s a little cute.” Then you spin in his arms, leaning back against the counter. You bring a hand up, flicking his forehead before he can dodge. “But try that water shit with me again, and I promise you’ll leave this bathroom drenched.” 

“You makin’ threats now? Hah?”

 “Absolutely. Think I got a little bolder while you were gone. Shouldn’t have left me alone for so long!”

Your joke doesn’t seem to land- at least not the way you want it to. His eyes squint, just a bit, just minutely, but you see it. Then he’s shaking his head, dropping his hands to the counter to cage you in against him.

“Didn’t- I wouldn’t-” He starts, before swearing under his breath. Bakugou takes a deep breath. “I don’t like bein’ gone all the time. Wouldn’t if I didn’t fuckin’ have to. If there was another way I’d-”

“I know. I know you would.” You place a hand on his chest, and he just looks thankful that you’ve been merciful. That you don’t make him say the words. “I was just joking. I’d never hold that against you, you know. It doesn’t matter to me that you have to go, just that you always come back to me.”

He just breathes deep, trying his best to meet your eyes. Bakugou never really was good at eye contact, always trying his best to hide from what he feels. You try your best not to let him though- you don’t want to leave him with any doubt about where he stood with you. Where he’d always stand with you, if you had anything to say about it.

Katsuki pats your head then, ruffling your hair while he bites his knuckle. He’s embarrassed, awfully so, but he’s trying his best yet again. “Don’t- you can’t just say shit like that.” He grumbles, but then he’s turning around, pulling you gently by the arm towards the bedroom. “I’ll always come back. You really think I’d let any of those idiot villains kill me?” 

“Nope. Not a chance. You’d strike ‘em dead.”

“That’s my girl.” He smirks. “Course I would.” 

He waits patiently while you change into comfier shorts, throwing one of his own sweatshirts toward you when he sees you start for the closet. You think it’s always a little cute- the way Bakugou, no matter how much he denies it, definitely has a thing for you wearing his clothes. Not that you’re complaining much, though.

When you finally slip under the covers, he is not far behind. You’re about to ask him what he wants, but he makes it very clear- by choosing to lie directly on top of you.

“You know,” You laugh a little, pressing a kiss to the shell of his ear. “It’s almost like you actually did miss me. You’re being awfully clingy tonight.”

“No- that’s stupid. Stop being dumb- that’s- don’t say that shit to me again.” He mumbles, digging his face further into your collarbone. You can feel his lips against your skin- the way his cheeks are puffed into a pout. “That word is fuckin’ banned.”

“You can’t ban a word.”

“The hell do you think you’re talkin’ to? ‘Course I can.”

“You really cant.”

“I can. Shut up.”

You only laugh a little bit, trying not to squeak when he hugs you tighter. Your sides have always been ticklish, and Bakugou knows this- as it is now, he’s tapping his fingers just under your ribs. Like he’s daring you to keep defying him. Knowing him, he probably is.

Bakugou grunts, grabbing at one of your hands. He catches you around your wrist, dropping your hand into his hair. You both know what he wants but you can’t help yourself from teasing him again.

“See?” You laugh, but start dragging your nails against his scalp anyways. “You’re just proving my point. You’re clingy.”

“I’m not.”

“So, what, you just wouldn’t care if I got up right now?”

“Nope. Get up. Leave. Now.”

You shake your head, but you decide to play anyways. You always do when it comes to him.

He’s got you trapped under him, a solid weight against your torso. Still, you try your best to wriggle out, pressing against his chest with all your might. But, solid muscle doesn’t exactly budge easy and you’re going nowhere fast.

“Let me up!” You laugh, pressing against his chest once more. “I thought you said you didn’t care!”

“I don’t. Idiot.”

“Mhm, then why are you keeping me trapped here, huh?”

“‘m not.” He smirks, hands falling back to your waist. Bakugou presses his thumbs into your sides, smirking when you start to squirm. “Not my fault you’re too weak to get up.”

“You’re a dick, you know that?”

“Nah- you love me.”

You can’t help the incredulous laugh that spills from you then. He’s right- no matter how much your pride would like to say otherwise.

Bakugou seems to know he’s right too. You can see it in the curve of his smile, the way his eyes are two shades lighter than they normally are. Nobody would ever believe you, but when he’s like this, with you, you swear Bakugou could outshine the sun.

“Say it, dumbass.”

“Say what?” You laugh, scrunching your nose up playfully. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do. Stop playin’ dumb.”

“I’m not playing anything. I’ll say it if you say it.”

“The hell am I supposed to say?”

You just laugh, brushing the blonde hair back from his eyes. Bakugou blushes at the gesture, but he doesn’t push your hand away. If anything he pressed forward. Until you get the message once more, and start dragging your fingers through his hair.

“I’m not gonna say it. Dumbass.”

“I thought you didn’t know what you were supposed to say?”

“Shut the hell up.” He flusters, voice pinched and embarrassed. “I’m not- ‘m not sayin’ it, alright?”

“I know, I know, god forbid you admit that you actually missed me, right?”

“Exactly.”

“You’re not- don’t agree!” You laugh, lightly tugging on his hair in warning. “This is the part where you’re supposed to say how lonely you were, and how much you missed me, and how I’m such an important and vital part of your life.”

You finish with a dreamy sigh, playing up the theatrics for nothing other than you’re own enjoyment. All your met with is silence. Pure silence and then-

“Yeah fuckin’ right- ‘m not saying that stupid shit.”

You tug on his hair. For real this time. Not much, but just enough to get him to jump a little. Just enough so you could giggle, shushing him with your hands rubbing down his back.

“Fine, well I guess if you won’t say that either,” You start, smiling coyly. “Then I guess I definitely won’t tell you that I love you. Because you wouldn’t care- obviously.”

“No- that’s- that’s different. You can say that. I’m allowing you to. Why do you always gotta make everything so damn difficult, hah?”

“Because- nice boys get to hear nice things, and you’ve never been anything short of the devil incarnate-“

“Hey!”

“What, gonna tell me I’m wrong?” You smile fondly down at him. “Besides, I thought you were tired. No exhausted person I’ve ever known argues this much.”

“I’m tired- not falling asleep. There’s a fuckin’ difference. I just wanted to lay down.” 

His face is red, but you hardly even get to see if before Katsuki is hiding once more. Still, even if the execution was lacking, the sentiment still makes you love him all over again. 

“And you are wrong.” He starts again. “‘m nice to you all the time!”

“Yeah. When I force you to be.”

“That’s- you’re not right.”

“I am. Say one nice thing to me. Right now, c’mon. Prove me wrong.”

You’re egging his on now, challenge dripping from your voice. It’s the sort of badgering that always works with him, and it seems to be working now too. He sits up, hovering above you and braced on his elbows. 

“Fine. I-” He struggles for a moment, face going a violent shade of red. “I-I missed you. Happy?”

Truthfully, it does make you happy. Happier than anything else, but you didn’t plan to let him off easy. Not this time. With Katsuki, there’s only so much mercy to go around.

“Oh- you missed me?” You tease. “The Bakugou Katsuki missed little old me? Fascinatin-“

He squeezes your sides, driving his thumbs into your hips until you’re squirming and giggling. “Shut up. Dumbass! This is why ‘m never nice to you!”

You want to respond, but his hands are at your sides, poking and prodding and tickling you into submission. It’s the worst kind of torture, one that feels entirely brutal, but then you look up at him. He doesn’t smile often- not as much as you always wished he would anyways, but he is now. Bakugou is grinning like mad, all sharp teeth and loud laughter. Eventually he stops, letting you catch you breath, but he’s still smiling. You’d love to say something, but you don’t. You know he’d wipe the smile right off his face if you did.

“Fine fine, I’ll- I’ll be quiet now. You win.” You say, a hand on your chest as you catch your breath. “I do have just a few last things to say though.”

“Jesus christ. What now?”

“I love you.” You smile. “And I missed you. And I’m so glad you’re home.”

He smiles changes then, from wide and unrelenting to something tiny and tight lipped. You think you’ve made a mistake, but then his eyes crinkle up. His eyes crinkle up and his cheeks pink, and you think he’s so beautiful then that it hurts. 

Bakugou Katsuki is rough and tumble, but when you melt him down, he really is softer than anything.

--/---

n e wayz,,, soft katsu n shit-head katsu are best katsu,,, i said what i said

alsoooooo lmaooo i took a break but im back now!!! 

[wingsofkpop]

NSFW Alphabet - Yang Jeongin (m)

A - Aftercare

Despite being on the more inexperienced side, I think Jeongin is responsible enough to know that aftercare is a must following sex, whether it be making sure you both are properly hydrated or helping you change the bed sheets. Because he’s usually babied by his members, this sweet boy treasures each moment he’s able to take care of you for a change though he won’t say no if you request to be the bigger spoon for a night or two.

B - Body Part

Seeing as our dear maknae has apparently gotten buff somewhere over the years, he likely takes pride in his biceps and arms in general as he damn well should. We’ll go more in depth about it later, but let’s just say Innie likes to use his strength in more ways than one… Moving on, Jeongin will never not be a fan of your neck. Mans has a bit of a marking tendency, but hormones aside, Jeongin’s in love with your scent, which seems to be more pungent around thah area. Plus, the crook of your neck also makes a good hiding place when he’s shy.

C - Cum

The only place this man’s cumming is in a condom. He may not be a baby anymore, but he doesn’t want any other baby Jeongins showing up anytime soon. Changbin is already a handful enough as it is…

D - Dirty Secret

Now it’s a bit out of the element here, but Jeongin sometimes gets tired of being coddled by his members. That being said, he’s had some fantasies about proving his growness—fantasies that may or may not include getting caught eating you out until you’re a literal puddle by Chan or Hyunjin, or maybe fucking you into the wall just in time for Changbin or Seungmin to walk through the door. Not wanting to disrespect you or anything, he prefers to keep these thoughts to himself… just don’t ask questions if he starts to get a little handsy during movie nights with the other boys.

E - Experience

Like most of the younger Stray Kids members, I don’t think he has too much sexual experience. He’s probably made out with a girl or two over the years, maybe felt her up a bit, but that’s as far as his hands-on exploration goes. Even so, he probably has a general idea of how things are supposed to go, generously provided by stories from his members and the wonders of porn.

F - Favorite Position

Due to his lack of sexual practice, Jeongin probably has not found his all-time favorite position just yet. He’s eager to try everything he possibly can, so expect to be blown away literally every time y’all do the do.

G - Goofy

Jeongin doesn’t mind getting a little silly during sex every once and a while, but he also knows that a more sensual, serious mood is needed too. The first few times will definitely be more casual and light-hearted, kept alive by his playful grin and mischevious fingers. But even as you two begin to become more mature, that same youthful atmosphere will remain, making it feel like the first time every time.

H - Hair

He probably just lets it do it’s own thing honestly. As long as it doesn’t get too unruly, he doesn’t mind it all that much.

I - Intimacy

Seeing he’s likely never been in a serious relationship before you, he’s all about the ideal, romantic aspect of love making. And while there won’t necessarily be rose petals and silk sheets every time you guys have sex, he knows how to make you feel loved and wanted with just his touch alone. Eye contact is also a huge must for Jeongin—he needs to see your face in the moment, to watch the pleasure overtake your body as he brings you to a headspace only few have the privilege to witness. It may sound cheesy, but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he has a secret plan to marry you one day, already knowing you’re his forever person.

J - Jack Off

Innie is young, so it’s no surprise his hormones are a bit on the overwhelming side at times. For him, getting off largely depends on if and when he has a moment to himself, which is quite rare between his busy schedule and lack of privacy in the dorm. That being said, he probably masturbates no more than three times a week. If that.

K - Kink

Alright hoes, I’m gonna start this off by saying Jeongin damn well has some sort of strength kink. We’ve all seen the size of those arms. Now he wouldn’t necessarily manhandle you, but if the moment requires him to pick you up by your thighs, or maybe pin your wrists to the bed cause you’re getting a little too frisky, then a man’s gotta do what he’s gotta do. He also has a HUGE thing when you get all dressed up for him, whether it be in a dress/suit or a lingerie set. Some other honorable mentions of his include marking, praise, and the occasional teasing.

L - Location

Please, please, PLEASE let this man take you against the wall, or anywhere that lets him show off his strength. He turns into some type of beast, I swear—Bonus points if y’all have the dorm to yourselves, because then he will literally take you against every single surface…

M - Motivation

The second you compliment him, this man will be literal putty in your hands. He loves, and I mean LOVES, when you praise him for his stage performances or MV scenes. And don’t let him catch you watching his fancams… or else prepared to get dicked into next year~

N - NO

BDSM is completely off the table for Jeongin. While he doesn’t mind trying something new every so often, he’s just not comfortable treading into the kind of intense territory that would require use of a safe word. He’s also just not a fan of power dynamics in general.

O - Oral

Sorry fam, oral is just not it for Jeongin. It’s nothing against you, he just doesn’t prefer blow jobs because of his tendency to finish too early, and he’d much rather practice other methods of foreplay to get you both off.

P - Pace

In the beginning stages of your relationship, Innie used to utilize a rapid, sloppy pace. After obtaining more experience, his stroke game is much, much better and more fluid, though he sometimes tends to revert back to an awkward pace when he’s close to climax. But like everyone, his skill and confidence will grow more over time.

Q - Quickie

The only time he’ll settle for a quickie is if he’s completely and totally desperate for your touch. But even then, he needs to be sure your session will take place in an environment that is both private and isolated from any other people. But once he’s comfortable and secure, he’ll drive you into the nearest wall with no further hesitation whatsoever.

R - Risk

Nope, nope, nopity, nope. While the idea of getting caught makes him feel all the things, Jeongin would rather not risk anyone actually walking in on you two when you’re being less than innocent. Especially his members, because if they do, he knows he’ll never hear the end of it.

S - Stamina

He’s got pretty decent stamina. Jeongin can usually go for some foreplay and maybe two rounds depending on how exhausted he is from his schedule. Then again, on days he is a bit more on the tired side, he wouldn’t mind sitting back and letting you do most the work.

T - Toy

The most curious boy omg. Innie’s experience with toys probably stems from porn and the dark side of Reddit, so he’ll be utterly fascinated if you own any nifty gadgets of your own. And while I don’t think he’d actively shop for sex toys, he doesn’t mind spicing things up in the bedroom with a couple vibrators, restraints, or sensation play objects.

U - Unfair

Don’t let his adorable facade fool you—this boy can be the WORST tease on any given day. He’s the type of lover that will suggestively trail his hands across your breasts and thighs, then act all innocent when you call him out. Jeongin is also an expert in getting you to tell him what he wants to hear. For example, “You want me to make you cum, baby? How exactly do you want me to do that?…”

V - Volume

Honestly, this man is a moaning machine. And you may hear some cute little whimpers and whines in that mix too… At first, he was probably a bit bashful to make any noise in that context, but after some coaxing and needed praise from you, he’ll never try to be silent again.

W - Wild Card

Let me set the scene for you: You and Innie watching some horribly budgeted rom-com you found on Netflix, and literally just making fun of the entire movie. That is, until the two main leads start making out in the back of a car. Oh, this shuts you both right up, especially when clothes start coming off and the car windows begin to steam up. The scene ends eventually, but this awkward, sexually tense silence still remains between you and Jeongin, and when you look to your blushing lover, you find him poorly attempting to cover his raging hard on. Then, he clears his throat and cutely stutters, “S-So… You wanna… you know?…”

X - X-ray

He’s a bit below average: 4.5-5 inches. But he’s got some thickness to his name.

Y - Yearning

As already mentioned, Innie tends to hold back in regards to his sexual needs for fear of coming across as a horn dog. You two probably do the nasty at least once a week, but I guarantee you can raise that number if you sit your boyfriend down and explain the concept of a mutually beneficial relationship huehuehue.

Z - ZZZzzz

If there’s one thing that Jeongin loves most in the world, it’s being in your arms after a long and stressful day. Whether or not you choose to end the night with an orgasm or two, he’ll settle himself atop your body, using your breasts as his own personal pillows, and just let his tension melt away in the comforting warmth of your touch. And though he’d never admit it, sometimes he doesn’t really mind being babied after all…

[moodymelanist]

One Thousand Followers Celebration

okay I’m honestly kind of shook that we’re even here but thank you to everyone who’s a part of our little corner of the fandom. I love you all so so much and I’m so happy to be here ❤️ most people requested something cute and fluffy so here’s Cassian being drunk and and Nesta comes to get him. I hope you all enjoy!! 💘💘💘

feel free to read it on AO3 here too!

word count: 2975

—————

Nesta was halfway through her latest read when her phone started buzzing incessantly. It was just getting to the good part, where the main couple started to realize maybe there was something more between them than burning hatred, and she didn’t want to put it down. Frankly, it reminded her of her own love story, but she’d never admit that to anyone out loud.

She was forced to look away when her phone was vibrating so constantly with texts she thought someone was calling her. Sighing, she reached for her phone, unlocking it only to see her husband had sent her almost twenty messages.

Cassian, 11:52 PM

Nesta

Nes

I love yiu sooooo muche

Youe so pretty

I weish u were here

everyons laufghint at me but i miss u

wyd

nesssssssssss

are u ignoringme for a book agwain

:(

Swethearft<3

did i tell u i luv u td

wait its ok I ddid

i want a kiss when i see u ok

The remaining messages were a jumble of Spanish and English words mixed together, and while she had a working knowledge of Spanish, she didn’t know it well enough to even attempt to decipher what he was trying to tell her. Still, she couldn’t help but smile as she read through them all, affection blooming in her chest for her favorite person in the world.

Cassian, Rhys, and Azriel had gone out to their favorite bar for guys night, and Cassian was clearly drunk off his ass. It was really hard to keep a straight face with him normally, but when he was drunk, she thought it was one of the most adorable things she’d ever seen.

Nesta, 12:01 AM

I love you too, you big goofball

I’ll give you a kiss and a hug when I see you how’s that

Her phone was ringing within seconds, a picture of Cassian filling her screen before she answered.

“Hello?” she said, marking her page with a bookmark before closing it.

“Nesta!” Cassian exclaimed. She had to pull her phone from her ear for a moment, but she smiled again anyways.

“Hi, Cassian,” she replied, trying not to laugh. He was just so cute. “Are you having a good time?”

“Leave me alone, I’m talking to my wife,” he said, his voice sounding slightly further away. He must have been talking to Rhys or Azriel, but the way referred to her made her want to melt. They’d been together for years and married for just over one, but it still sent a thrill through her to hear him claim her out loud.

“Nes?” he said, his voice back to normal volume.

“I’m here,” she said, getting off the bed to begin looking for her shoes. He normally called her and started getting ridiculously affectionate when it was getting close for him to come home, so it was only a matter of time before he asked her to come get him.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Looking for my shoes,” she replied, spotting her boots on the floor. Leaning her phone against her ear, she bent down and put them on over her leggings before walking back to her dresser.

“Are you coming to find me?” he asked. She couldn’t help but smile at how excited he sounded by the prospect.

“Yes, baby.” Nesta hit speaker and put the phone down on their dresser as she took off the oversized shirt that she’d borrowed from him, slid a sports bra on, and put on a plain tee shirt over it.

“Oh thank God,” he said, and then dropped his voice to a loud whisper. “You’re much more fun than the dumbasses I’m with.”

She’d opened her mouth to reply, but then Cassian began talking to someone else nearby. “Tarquin! Fancy seeing you here! Are you still mad about your windows? Nes, I gotta go. Love you.”

It was a cool September evening, so Nesta grabbed a denim jacket before throwing her hair up into a bun and leaving their apartment. Once she got to her car, it was a short fifteen minutes to get to The Sidra. Thankfully there was ample street parking around the corner, and the bouncer let her in with a quick flash of her ID.

Nesta walked inside, spotting her husband and his friends immediately. They took up a ridiculous amount of space in one of the booths, and she couldn’t resist smiling as Cassian visibly brightened by her appearance.

“Nesta!” he shouted, grinning widely as she got closer. So much for subtlety, she supposed. She offered repeated apologies as she walked over to where he was sitting, but thankfully most of the people there seemed to think his behavior was too cute to be a serious nuisance.

Once she was next to the side of the booth he was sitting on, he pulled her in for a hug, wrapping his muscular arms around her waist and laying his head on her chest.

“Cassian,” she said at a normal volume, endlessly amused as he snuggled into her. She leaned down to press a kiss to the top of his head before turning to greet Rhys and Azriel, both of whom looked seconds away from breaking out laughing.

“Don’t you dare,” she told them, tightening her arms around Cassian as she gave his friends a look. They both hold their hands up in surrender, Azriel raising his beer at her before turning back to Rhys.

“I missed you,” Cassian said against her chest, his voice muffled. “So much.”

“Every minute without you was excruciating,” Nesta said, playing along. He looked up at her with a pout.

“Stop teasing me,” he told her. He was frowning slightly now. “I did miss you a lot, you know.”

“I’m sorry. You’re just so cute like this, it’s hard not to tease you a little bit.”

“Not as cute as you.” Cassian smiled up at her, pleased with himself. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes good-naturedly and let him tug her into his lap.

“Sorry to crash your guys’ night,” she said to Rhys and Azriel now that she was facing them.

“He’s not as much fun when he gets like this anyway,” Azriel replied, chuckling. “In his old age, he’s turned into a sappy drunk.”

“Hey! We’re the same age!” Cassian protested from behind her, tightening his grip around her waist. Azriel and Cassian had both turned thirty earlier this year, while Rhys’ birthday wasn’t until November. Nesta had turned twenty-eight back in April.

“Good thing I like sappy drunks,” she said, twisting around to face him. He gave his friends a smug look as she pressed a kiss to his warm cheek, his stubble scratching her face in a way she loved.

“You two are the worst,” Rhys groaned.

“Like you and my sister are any better,” Nesta shot back as she turned around. Feyre and Rhys had been together since their college days and had tied the knot once they’d both graduated.

“Speaking of her, I’d love to get back home to her,” he replied. He pulled out his phone and began texting, and Nesta guessed he was asking if she was still awake.

“I guess that’s it then, huh?” Azriel asked, raising an eyebrow at Nesta.

“I’m sure Gwyn is dying to see you too,” she teased, smiling softly at him. She and Emerie had colluded with Cassian and Rhys to set the pair up on a blind date last year, and everyone had been thrilled when they’d agreed to keep seeing each other.

“She has a performance tomorrow, so she’s probably already asleep,” Azriel answered, raising a hand to catch the closest server’s attention.

“I told you my wife was hot as fuck,” Cassian said suddenly, shifting to point wildly at Nesta as their server – a young woman named Nuala – came by to bring them the check.

“I’m thrilled,” she replied dryly, raising an eyebrow as she looked at Nesta. “He hasn’t shut up about you for the last half an hour, you know. Thank God he wasn’t making you up.”

“Thanks,” Nesta said, her lips twitching from trying to hold in her laughter. Rhys put down his card to pay for all of them, waving off Cassian and Azriel’s attempts to give him money for their share of the check. Within a few minutes, the four of them were getting out of their booth and beginning the walk to the exit.

Cassian immediately went for Nesta’s hand, intertwining their fingers before bringing their hands to his mouth so he could kiss the back of hers.

“That is so unhygienic,” she said, exasperated. “I haven’t washed my hands since I left our place.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” he said, grinning at her. He kissed the back of her hand one more time before lowering their hands to swing them between the two of them as they kept walking.

“Who’s that guy glaring at you?” Nesta asked, noticing a tall Black guy staring Cassian down from a booth near the door. He had silver curls that stood out brightly against his dark skin, but he couldn’t have been much older than any of them. It had to have been natural, since his eyebrows and lashes were the same color.

“Oh, that’s Tarquin,” he replied, waving at Tarquin with a sheepish grin from where they stood. Tarquin flipped him off before turning back to his companions, who both shared the same dark skin and silvery hair.

“Why is he glaring at you? Do I need to talk to him?” Nesta asked, frowning. She was the only one allowed to glare at her husband like that.

“No sweetheart, it’s fine,” Cassian replied, laughing as they walked by the table. “It’s our inside joke. He threw a party senior year of college and I might have gotten drunk and broken a few windows in his house.”

“You what? Cassian, that’s not an inside joke.”

“It’s fine, Nes. I paid him back for it, but his parents were pissed. I’m banned from his neighborhood, actually.”

“That is not fine.”

“I might be drunk, but I know when I’m right,” Cassian said, just before walking right into the door. Azriel had accidentally let it swing behind him and Cassian hadn’t grabbed it in time, and it got him right in the face.

Nesta burst out laughing before she clapped her free hand over her mouth. “Oh my God, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed. Are you okay?”

“The love of my life just laughed at my pain,” he whined, yanking open the door. Azriel and Rhys were absolutely losing it on the other side, making it hard for Nesta to keep her composure in solidarity with Cassian.

“Let me see it,” she said once they were outside. Cassian had pressed his hand to the side of his face, but Nesta got him to move it with her free one. His cheek was red from the impact, but she was sure it’d be fine with some ice once they got back to their place.

“It’s not so bad,” she reassured him. It was hard to keep a straight face with his friends – mostly Rhys – still howling in the background, but she got on her toes to give him a kiss on his face.

“It still hurts,” he said, pouting at her. “Can I get another kiss?”

“You big baby,” she said, but she leaned in and kissed his cheek again. “That’s all you’re getting. When we get home, I’m putting ice on that.”

“I love it when you boss me around,” he said dreamily, letting her tug him past his friends. “It does things to me.”

“Please take him home,” Rhys called from behind them. Nesta flipped him off before Cassian could, earning another wide grin from him as they walked towards her car.

“Thanks for the best thing I’ve ever seen!” Azriel added, both of their laughter fading the farther Nesta and Cassian walked.

“They’re so mean,” Cassian grumbled as she dug into her pocket for the keys.

“You want me to yell at them? Hurt their feelings a little?” she offered, unlocking the doors.

“No,” he said, pouting again. He got into the passenger seat as Nesta walked around to the driver’s side, and he immediately reached for her hand once she sat down.

“I’d do it if you wanted me to,” she told him, shooting him an amused look before starting the car.

“Maybe a real kiss would make me feel better,” he suggested, leaning towards her and puckering his lips.

Nesta leaned in and brushed her lips against his, but he wasn’t having it. He cupped the back of her head as he deepened their kiss, warming her up inside from the cool September air.

“Come on, let’s go home,” Nesta said, pulling away even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. He huffed and pouted but thankfully put his seatbelt on.

It was a quick ride back to their building, and thankfully Cassian managed not to walk into any more doors on their way upstairs. He wrapped his arm around her as they got off the elevator, which Nesta thought was as much for balance as it was to hold her close.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” he said once they were back in their apartment. He immediately walked into the bedroom and flopped on their bed, somehow managing not to knock anything over or hit Nesta’s book.

“You’re welcome,” Nesta said back, taking the time to take off her jacket and shoes before walking to the freezer to grab a bag of frozen peas. She wrapped it in a paper towel before coming to lay next to him, taking down her bun so that her hair was down around her.

“Can I tell you a secret?” he whispered, turning to look at her. His eyes lit up when he noticed her hair was down, and he reached over to play with it. She handed him the peas instead, making sure he pressed them to the side of his face.

“I thought I knew all your secrets,” she whispered back, smiling softly as she indulged him. She loved that she was the one who got to see him like this, that she was the first person he saw in the mornings and the last person he saw when he closed his eyes at night.

“You do,” he confirmed, pulling the peas away to smile at her. She gave him a disapproving look and he quickly put them back before continuing. “I love nights like these.”

“Why’s that?” she asked. She reached out to brush some of his loose waves away from his face so they didn’t get in the way of the peas.

“I never thought I would be as happy as I am right now,” Cassian said seriously. His other eye was blocked from the position of the peas, so Nesta just held the gaze of the one she could see as he moved his hand to cup her face.

Sometimes he would say things like this that made her feel like her heart was going to burst from how sweet he was. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He shifted closer to her, and Nesta inhaled deeply at the lingering scent of his cologne. “I remember when you wouldn’t even say my name out loud. Now you’re here with me and my peas.”

She laughed before answering. “It was the peas that really sold me, you know. I should have written them into my vows.”

“And you’re telling jokes? Tonight must be my lucky night.”

“Shut up before I take the peas from you, Cassian.”

“You love me too much to do that, Nes.”

“Stop using my love for you against me. It’s unfair and you know it.”

“Never,” he said, running his thumb across her cheek. “I love you too much not to use every advantage I can get.”

“I taught you too well,” she said, smiling softly at him. “Come on, let’s get ready for bed.”

She turned to kiss his palm, as unhygienic as it was, and then got up and started changing into pajamas. He groaned as he rolled off the bed, stretching as he stood up to reveal a strip of golden-brown skin at his abdomen before walking towards their bathroom.

Nesta joined him to brush her teeth in another one of his oversized shirts and no pants. He finished first, squeezing her hip as he walked by her and went back into their bedroom. She quickly brushed through her hair and pulled it into a loose braid for sleep before turning off the light.

Cassian was waiting for her under the covers, laughing as he examined the back of her book. “Is there smut in this one?”

She rolled her eyes before grabbing it from him. “You’re insufferable.”

“That’s a yes, then,” he said, grinning. She turned the lights off and put the book on her nightstand before she slid under the covers, snuggling up next to him anyway.

“I’ll let you know when I get to the juicy parts,” she grumbled eventually. He laughed under his breath, pulling her tighter against him as he maneuvered them so her back was to his chest as usual. His heart was beating its usual steady rhythm against her, a familiar baseline that let her know she was safe and everything was right in the world as long as she could curl up next to him every night.

“I love you,” she whispered, not sure if he was asleep yet. He could fall asleep anywhere, and ridiculously quickly at that; she wasn’t too proud to admit she was jealous.

“I love you, too,” he replied, tangling their legs together.

It didn’t take long for either of them to fall asleep after that.

tag list (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @live-the-fangirl-life​ | @nessiansimp | @bookologist | @simpingfornestaarcheron | @sayosdreams | @dealingdifferentdevils | @rowaelinismyotp | @arinbelle | @swankii-art-teacher | @angelicvoice19 | @teagoddess99 | @dontgetsalmonella | @champanheandluxxury | @chloepereyra | @bookstantrash | @houseofcalores | @lysakirova | @generalnesta | @gwynberdara | @sv0430 | @catplayinvioline | @julemmaes | @secretlovelybeauty | @flora-shadowshine | @imsointobooks | @sophilightwood | @lemonade-coolattas |

[arrowflier]

Prompt: Mickey apologizes to one of their neighbours for something that clearly wasn't his fault just to make Ian(who's in his people pleaser mode) happy. Later, Ian realises how Mickey was right all along and feels bad about the whole thing and they talk. Basically them having a mature convo at the end

Ian heard the shouting as soon as he stepped out into the courtyard. Mickey had come down earlier to take a quick dip, and Ian was hoping to join him and relax together for a while.

But based on the way his husband and one of their neighbors were yelling right then, that clearly wasn't in the cards.

Ian sighed, and closed his eyes briefly. Was it really too much to ask that Mickey get along with the people in their building? He didn't even have to make friends, he just had to not be an asshole to everyone he met.

A particularly loud shout--something about children, and language, and have some common decency--forced Ian out of his reflections and toward the apparent catastrophe that was Mickey in public.

“Dammit, Mickey,” he muttered under his breath as he rounded the last corner and brought the pool into view.

Sure enough, Mickey was there.  He stood at the edge of the shallow end of the pool, like he had just hoisted himself out, water droplets still lingering on his sculpted arms and chest.  His arms were raised and held out to the side in challenge as he blustered on about public space, and freedom of speech, and I’ll do you one worse lady, just you watch just inches away from a middle-aged woman that looked like she had stepped out of a lululemon ad.

Ian was pretty sure it was the same woman who had stopped him at the elevators last week to ask him to “keep it down up there”.  They really didn’t need to cause more trouble with her; Mickey had them on thin ice already when his response to Ian relaying that request was to play loud, bass-thumping music while riding Ian into the floor for effect.

She hadn't met his eyes since.

"What's going on here?" Ian interrupted, coming up behind Mickey and settling a hand on the back of his husband's neck.

"This lady was tryin to--" Mickey cut off when Ian squeezed and released that hand in warning. Mickey glowered at him, but shut his mouth.

"Your husband," the woman said with a glare at Mickey, "was setting a bad example for my nephew."

Looking around for the aforementioned child, Ian sighed when he saw a little boy staring at them all from a pool lounger with wide eyes.

"We're sorry, Mrs...," he trailed off, but she didn't bother to fill in the blank for him, instead just raising her eyebrows and tapping her sandaled foot expectantly.

"Uh, anyway, it won't happen again," Ian finished awkwardly. "Right, Mick?"

"Are you kidding me, Gallagher?" Mickey asked, incredulous.

"I expect a direct apology from your husband," the woman demanded at the same time.

Ian raised his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, and gave Mickey a little shake when the other man didn't speak up.

"Come on, Mick, just do it," Ian muttered.

After a tense moment, Mickey did.

"Fucking fine," he hissed at Ian, ignoring their neighbor's sharp intake of breath at the curse. "I'm fucking sorry, alright?," he directed at her, before pulling out of Ian's hold to face him.

"You happy now?" he asked, before turning and stomping off to go inside.

The effect was dampened by the soft slapping sound of his bare feet hitting the pavement, leaving behind wet marks on the concrete. Ian and the woman watched him go with drastically different expressions: one with disgust, and one with concern.

"I do hope you'll keep your man in line better in the future," the woman groused at Ian, but he wasn't really listening.

"Yeah, sure," he answered absently. "Excuse me, I just gotta..."

And then he was scooping up the towel and shoes Mickey had left behind, and hurrying after his husband.

---

"Mickey?" Ian called out hesitantly as he entered their apartment. Other than a couple of damp patches on the floor, there was no sign of Mickey anywhere.

Then Ian heard the shower start, and set Mickey's things down next the door to follow the sound.

Mickey's wet trunks were pooled on the cold tile floor, the shower curtain pulled tight from wall to wall. The splash of water bouncing from flesh to the acrylic tub echoed through the room.

"Mickey?" Ian asked softly, taking a step past the open door. "Mick, you in here?"

He heard a snort over the sound of the water, the curtain moving as Mickey's arm jostled it from inside.

"No, it's your other husband, Sherlock," Mickey answered, an odd tone in his voice. "You know, the one you listen to before you take some random bitch's side."

Ian winced. Okay, Mickey was mad, then.

Moving further into the room, Ian closed the lid of the toilet and turned to sit on it, elbows on knees.

"Sorry," he offered briefly. "But she had a point Mick, there are kids here--"

The water stopped abruptly, and the curtain pulled back to reveal Mickey’s face.  His hair flopped wetly over his forehead, water still sluicing down the middle of his face, and he scowled as he brushed it away with the back of a dripping hand.

“Kid, huh?” he questioned  “So I need to go get my fucking tattoos removed because some random kid might see ‘em?”

Ian blinked.

“Wait,” he said slowly, mind trying to figure out what he was missing.  “What?” then scoffed when Ian just watched him.

Mickey just scoffed.  

“You don’t even know what she was yellin’ about, do you?” he asked rhetorically. “I didn’t say a damn word to her or that sniveling brat she brought with her,” he revealed.  “They took one fucking look at me, saw the words on my knuckles, and off she went on her little fucking tirade.”

“Shit, Mickey,” Ian started, but Mickey wasn’t done.

“Don’t you act like it matters,” he growled.  “You care more about playing nice than payin’ attention, and don’t pretend that after all these years you don’t still assume I’m always the fuckin’ problem.”

Fuck.  Ian had really screwed this one up.

“Mickey,” he repeated, more firmly, standing and stepping closer to the shower.  Ian took the shower curtain in one hand and tugged it further to the side.  Mickey shivered in the influx of cool air, looking more like a disgruntled cat mid-bath than an angry man.

“Mickey,” Ian said again, softer, and stepped over the lip of the tub so that nothing was between them.  He took Mickey into his arms, his husband putting up a token resistance before settling against him with a sigh.

“I’m sorry,” Ian whispered into his wet hair, ignoring the patches of water soaking through his clothes.  “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

Mickey hummed into his chest, not looking up.  “You kind of did, though,” he mutters.  “Every time somebody’s got a problem with me, you act like it’s my fault.”

Silence, for just a moment.

“Yeah,” Ian finally agreed, stroking a hand down Mickey’s bare back.  “Yeah, I need to work on that.”

He pulled back, made Mickey meet his eyes.  Mickey was no longer glaring, and his eyes were dry, but there was still something off about the way he met Ian’s gaze.

“You know I don’t really think that, though, right?” Ian asked, disheartened when Mickey didn’t offer a response.

“I don’t, Mickey,” he said earnestly.  “I love you, and you’ve been trying so hard--”

“Shouldn’t fuckin’ have to try,” Mickey murmured, and oh.

“No, you shouldn’t,” Ian rephrased.  “And I’m sorry I’m always making you feel like you do, too.”

Mickey moved back farther, and Ian’s arms dropped loosely back to his sides.  His fingers itched to reach out again, but he got the feeling Mickey needed some space.

“Okay,” Mickey said.  “Get outa here so I can finish.”

Ina obeyed, stepping out of the tub and moving toward the door, but he turned back before he left the room.

“When you’re done, come into the bedroom, alright?” he asked quietly.  “I’ve got an idea to get back at that asshole woman.”

“Apology or not,” Mickey said wryly, “I don’t think I’m on the mood to fuck you right now, Ian.”

Ian just smirked. 

“Not what I had in mind,” he said.  “Now hurry it up, I think you’re gonna like my plan.”

---

About twenty minutes later, after the shower had started and stopped again and Mickey had had a moment to gather himself and get dressed, Mickey walked into the bedroom and stopped still.

Ian was sitting on their bed, fully dressed, but that wasn’t what had Mickey startled.  No, it was the fact that right in front of him was a huge stereo with old school speakers, the ones that used to be downstairs in the communal lounge area, with Ian’s phone sitting right on top.

“What’s all this?” Mickey asked, and Ian grinned.

“So she doesn’t like profanity, huh?” he said.  “Well I found a favorite new song.”

Mickey started to grin himself as he caught on to the plan.  Ian stood and pushed one of the speakers a little closer to the vents in their floor, angling it so the sound would bounce right down into the apartment below.  Then he tapped a few things on his phone, cranked the volume, and let harsh base and more expletives than Mickey had ever heard in a piece of music fill the room.

Mickey laughed.  Ian held out a hand, like he was asking for a dance, and turned the music up even louder.

Shaking his head at his husband’s antics, Mickey took the proffered hand, and let Ian spin him to the sound of their bitchy neighbor losing her mind below them.

[extremelyblackandwhite]

ascendance - 02

PAIRING: mob!bucky barnes x reader

WARNINGS: violence, dark themes, murder, bleeding, kidnapping, age gap (reader is 23, bucky is 37)

A/N: i am gonna try using the commas as dialogue markers for this work as i’ve gotten a few complaints about my love of the -, so i’m giving it a trial run. don’t be alarmed by it. hope you enjoy it xx

> NEXT CHAPTER | MASTERLIST

Her head was pounding and felt as if some unseen force was squeezing her skull, causing her head to hurt even further but she daren’t open her eyes. She could open them, she was conscious enough to know she could open then but she had them squeezed shut, afraid of what awaited her once she did so. From her senses, she knew she was laying against stone, cold stone and she could hear water drops falling onto the surface, still she daren’t open her eyes. This was all a nightmare, just a nightmare that she was going to wake up from in her very tiny, over expensive, way older New York flat in front of the weirdest scenery someone could have. 

The footsteps had her forcefully open her eyes as she scrambled backwards, back hitting a cold wall as her blurry eyes focused on the room. It was dark, almost like a basement yet she couldn’t exactly make it up. The beads of her dress had left marks on her skin yet somehow her wig was still in place. She didn’t know where she was and she hoped this was a really bad joke they played on newcomers. That’s it, a joke. It was just a joke, just hazing on the new kid. She’d gone through hazing a newcomer teasing in old companies, that’s just what it was. Don’t think of the worse, don’t of the worse. 

Along with the echoing water drops falling onto the stone floor underwear, echoes of sleeps from above the ceiling started to become the main sound. She curled into a ball, fingers digging into her own skin as she hoped to wake up from this nightmare-like situation she was in. Suddenly, voice and steps was all she could hear, the water drops being drown up by those sounds until the door slammed open.

“WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS BILLY, HUH” a thick bronx accent was now the only thing that filled the room and she daren’t  open her eyes, instead remaining scared on the floor. "DOES THIS FUCKING LOOK LIKE A 40 YEAR OLD WOMAN TO YOU?”

“I, I’m sorry, boss. She was in the dressing room and I thought it was her, I could see her face." she peaked her eyes open, still laying down on the floor, the same floor where four men stood looking down at her. She could barely make out all of their faces, probably a result of fear and adrenaline overpowering her brain yet she could make up one face. One face standing at the right end, with glossy eyes which appeared to be staring nowhere, was familiar to her. "It was a mistake, I’m sorry ... I ... I can go back.”

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, BILLY?” the man who had been yelling before hand, pulled his hand over his own face. “Soldat.”

“He’s a kid, John.” the man who she had spoken with before but whose name she still didn’t know said in a low, tired voice. 

"A kid? Well, what the fuck are we gonna do with THAT FUCKING KID THEN?” the John person pointed at her and she almost stumbled back but her body couldn’t move. She knew she could move her body but she seemed paralysed. Her mind was rushing miles and miles an hour but her body was frozen into place. "Tommy, I expected better from you.”

"I thought he had the right chick.” said the man who still hadn’t spoken, shrugging. 

The mood seemed to shift with that sentence alone, the carelessness of it turning the room bitter and colder than it already was. John’s jaw tightened, constricted muscles as he looked over to the only familiar man in the room with decisive eyes. The man was almost mechanical, grabbing the revolver stuck to his hip in his right hand before his eyes settled on her. Her heart seemed to stop beating, waves of cold shivers washing all over her as she prepared herself for the worse. However, his gaze darted to the side and hers follow and then ... bang. A thump onto the floor followed by silence and as she looked back to where her gaze had been stuck so, she saw Tommy laid on the ground, gunshot to the head, blood staining his dirty blonde hair, the same blood which had slightly splattered onto her face which merely seemed to further paralyse her.

“Get rid of her. Last thing I need is another loose thread.” John took a handkerchief from his pocket, cleaning whatever blood had splattered onto him as if it were merely water and not the substance which had kept the man who now lied dead on the ground alive. 

“She might be valuable.” he still held his gun in hand, seemingly unbothered by what had just happened. What kind of monster does that? “She might know people”

“What do you do?” John turned to her, talking down as if she were a child. She looked around, not entirely sure if she could even manage to make any words come out of her mouth. Her gaze once against settled on the familiar man who mouthed something to her. Lie.

"L-lyric soprano.” she wasn’t lying per say but she knew no chorus girl was valuable and if she wasn’t valuable, her faith was laying on the ground. If she survives, maybe someone can find her, maybe she can run away.

"It’s the New York Opera. The police are gonna be insane running after her and we can use her as a get out of jail free card. Almost like an expensive painting” 

John looked her up and down, biting the inside of his cheek and pondering his options but Y/N couldn’t stare or even look at him. Her eyes were instead focused on the gun still being held by the unnamed man, the same gun which had any time could go off and while her hopeful side was willing to survive and get out, the other part of her wondered if it would be a kinder faith. 

"Fucking clean this up, Billy.” John sighed before leaving the the room.

She curled up, body shivering as she could wear the body being pulled up the stairs before the door was closed, leaving her alone in the room. Time went by slowly or at least it felt slow to her yet she couldn’t do anything, all she could do is be trapped in her own panic as what once felt like a start became a dead end. Even once she could get up to try and find any creaks and cracks, anything which would translate into an escape option, a sudden wave of disappointment, betrayal and hopelessness would bring her back down and almost pin her to the now blood stained ground. All she could do was look at the ceiling, silent tears rushing down her face and she was back to being paralysed on the ground, the beads of her costume pinching and bruising her skin.

The door opened a few times in a time space which she couldn’t really pinpoint yet she didn’t look at the door, she merely looked at the ceiling trying to imagine that she was somewhere else. Trying she imagine she was anywhere else, anywhere but else in the dark, by her self with dried tears in the corner of her eyes and cheeks, mixing with the dried blood on her cheeks she didn’t have the strength to wipe away while it was fresh. The paralysis soon enough was replaced by numbness as her body shut down, preferring to be asleep than awake as if she was going to wake up in her flat.

Bucky closed the door for what felt like the fifth time, eyeing the untouched sandwich and glass of water which had been laying there for the past 7 hours just a few meters away from where she was laying. He thought about telling her to eat, ordering her even but he guessed she had seen enough and been through enough. Wiping his hand off the dust from the basement, he climbed up the stairs to the main floor. He knew that path like the back of his hand, he’d been there enough times to know how to get there blindfolded. After all, they didn’t call that the burner room for no reason. 

“Damn cops won’t get off my back.” John complained as he saw him. “This is what happens when we leave loose ends. Should’ve killed him when I had the fucking chance.”

“They don’t have any evidence.”

“I’m sure when they come into my fucking house and see I have Jenny Lind locked in my basement they’ll love it” he scoffed. “You need to take her out of here before they come snooping.”

“It’s not my mess to clean.” Bucky leaned against the wall, arms crossed. “Ain’t Billy the one with that house in the Hamptons? Ask him, it’s his mess.”

“You think I’m going to trust Billy with my get outta jail card? Fucking idiot can’t even distinguish between a 40 year old and a 20 year old.” he snickered. “You keep her. You gotta flat in Brooklyn, don’t cha? No one’s gonna be looking at you.”

“And wait am I supposed to do with her hm? Handcuff her to my couch and hope she doesn’t scream until whenever?”

“Weren’t you the one who wanted to spare her? I thought you’d learned your lesson from the last time you questioned me.” Bucky looked down at the floor, jaw locked, forehead muscles tense. “Thought so.”

Y/N woke up in a different place and while it was as dark as the basement, she knew it was somewhere else. She could feel herself moving but she herself wasn’t moving. She looked around, trying to look around for any indicators of her she was until she moved her hands up which came into contact with some sort of metal covered by a weird velvet like fabric. Was she in the trunk of a car? Her hand tried to look for the sign light to punch it out just like she had heard in school assemblies so, so many times yet as she finally found it, the car came to a very harsh stop. She held her breathe in, her ears registering footsteps which became louder and louder until the trunk of the car was pulled open. The harsh light hurt her eyes which she squeezed shut only to open them again. The same man from the dressing room stood over the trunk. She curled up against herself but he grabbed her bicep, easily lifting her from the trunk and onto the floor yet maintaining the grip on her bicep. 

She was in what looked like a garage, with green blueish lighting and while she could see a big closed door at the end, his grip on her bicep was a silent reminder for her not to try anything. Not only did he tower over her but she was almost sure he probably had a gun with him and she thought not to try. He led her to a lift, making sure she entered before he did. As the doors closed, that feeling of dread in her stomach mixed with the other one she had felt the very first time she saw him yet she daren’t look him in the eye. In all honesty, everything was blurry to her even as she walked into a small flat, the sound of the door behind closed and locked behind her being the only thing she really registered. 

The man walked up to his kitchen which was open concept with the living room and grabbed a bottle with amber liquid from the counter, pouring himself what she guessed was whiskey yet she wasn’t the most alcohol knowledgeable person, most of the times she couldn’t even drink milk, much less alcohol.

“You hungry?” he asked in an nonchalant tone as if she were merely a guest in this flat. Y/N looked behind her back to the door. “I would follow you if you tried it.”

“I ... I am not gonna tell anyone.” 

“It’s not my choice to make. You try to run and you’re successful and someone will just kill you. Your best choice is to stay put. They don’t like loose ends.” he downed whatever liquid was in the glass, putting it back on the counter. She remained there, not moving from the space between the door and the place where the kitchen began. The man sighed, grabbing a peach from a glass bowl on the counter and placing it just at the end, where it was closest to her. “Eat something, will you?”

“I don’t want to. Thank you.”

“There’s food in the fridge. Suit yourself.”

He left the room to enter one of the other rooms, leaving Y/N all alone in the middle of that room. Escape! Her mind yelled at her and she immediately moved back to the door, trying to push at the handle so it would open but the latched was locked shut. She turned around, looking for anything to jab the lock until she noticed the windows. Her most careful side would have told her not to do it but she had to. She had to escape, she couldn’t stay put. She had been working her whole life for that opportunity, working low paid jobs to pay for tuition at Julliard, not drinking, not dating, not having any lactose so her voice would be good enough, she couldn’t ... she just couldn’t lose that opportunity after putting her whole teenage years at stake just so she could have this opportunity. 

Y/N made her way to the window which led to a fire escape but was also locked. She looked over her shoulder to check if he had left the room before she pulled her arm back and to the front, her fist hitting the glass which cracked. She continued punching the glass with all the force she could manage despite the glass burying and cutting her skin until she had broken the window enough too climb out into the fire escape. As she prepared to put her leg over the cracked hole, two arms wrapped around her waist, pushing her back. She whimpered and moved around in the embrace, trying to get free. If only she could get free for a moment she could climb out, she could run away, she could go back to the opera house. 

“Stop.” he flushed her tighter to his chest, walking away from the window, away from her possibility of escaping. 

It didn’t take long for him to notice she was hurt, her blood falling onto his jacket as he pulled her further and further away. He brought her to the front of the sink, gloved hand lifting the tap up, making a constant stream of cold water come up. Through her constant fighting to get free he managed to get her hand under the water, shards of glass coming out onto the red stained water which whirled onto the drain. 

“Let me go.” he elbowed him in the chest but he continuously held her against the side of the sink, fingers rubbing against the top of her palm to unlodge the shards of glass of her skin. “I have to go, please let me go.”

“Calm down.”

“Stop.” she tried to wriggle her wrist off his hold. “I have to go.”

“I promise you that you will go. You stay put, you don’t try to run and in no time you’ll be back doing petty chores for divas.”

“Why should I trust you?” she looked at the sink filled with little shards of glass. 

“It’s either that or you’ll end up dead. What other choice do you have?” he stopped forcing her against the sink, leaning against the opposite corner. “Last thing I want is to lock you in a room. So what’s it gonna be?”

“You promise you’ll let me go?”

“You have my word.”

TAGLIST: @lookiamtrying @buckyswillows @blossomslibrary @juliesland @iloveshawnieboi @unmagically​ @red-head011​ 

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Used To It (M.YG)

Warnings : mentions of an abusive relationship, fighting, swearing

Synopsis : he needed a girl to leave him alone, she wanted people to know she was over her ex. they needed each other, so they agree to pretend to date. but was it ever pretend?

Word Count : 2537

“I need you to be my girlfriend. Just until graduation.” I’m not sure what was going through my mind when I agreed, but it honestly worked out for me. I had just gotten out of a rocky relationship; a breakup that spread across the campus as fast as a wildfire. Jackson seemed to move on quickly, being seen with a new girl every week, whereas I tried to keep a low profile and focus on my studies so I could graduate next year. Because of that, everyone thought that I just couldn’t move on. Girls would talk about their nights with Jackson near me, expecting a reaction from me to no avail. So the fake relationship helped me as well.

           I barely knew Yoongi when he asked me to act as his girlfriend. I knew him through mutual friends and had met him on a few occasions, but he always seemed standoffish, so I never pursued a friendship with him. “This girl in one of my classes won’t leave me alone. I figured having a girlfriend would change that.” He told me. Yoongi was similar to me in the way that he just wanted to focus on graduating, seeing as his graduation was less than a year away. “And you said you were tired of people thinking you weren’t over Jackson.” He continued, but I was already sold.

           “Can you at least seem happy to be with me.” I joked as the two of us took our seats at a table in a café just off campus. We decided to start with being seen together so our relationship would seem more believable. I’ve been spending almost everyday for the last 3 weeks with Yoongi, mostly consisting of us studying, but I don’t think I’ve seen him smile once.

           “That’s not my style.” He said casually, opening one of his notebooks he had with him and started looking over his notes. I sat back in my chair and just watched him for a bit before opening one of my textbooks. I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t handsome. It was obvious just by glancing at him that he was a good-looking guy, and girls let him know. Either he never noticed the stares and the whispers, or he just really didn’t care.

           “You should have some water.” I softly said some hours later, placing the cup of water I grabbed for him in front of him. For the first time since we sat down, he looked up at me with a tired look in his eyes. “I know you have an important test tomorrow but take care of yourself.” I smiled at him and took my seat again.

           “Thank you.” He said with some semblance of a smile on his face. “Oh wow I didn’t realize the time. I should walk you back to your dorm.” He started closing his books and packing them away in his bag before chugging the water I gave him. I chuckled to myself and packed my books away as well.

           “You don’t have to, Yoongi.” We both stood from the table and he shook his head.

           “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you walk back alone.” Hearing him say boyfriend out loud caused my stomach to flip, but I chalked it up to the amount of coffee I had drank throughout the day. Still, I didn’t argue further and the two of us headed out into the night and back to campus.

           I should have known then that this wasn’t a good idea. From the beginning I had feelings for him, but I still went through with acting as his girlfriend as if I could just walk away when it was all over.

           “So we breakup and you just think you can go and date?” Jackson said as he plopped into the seat across from me. Yoongi would be back in a couple minutes as he had just gone to the bathroom, but I take it from the look on Jackson’s face that he knew that. “You’re my girl.” He really emphasized the word ‘my’ when he spoke, and it caused me to let out a small laugh.

           “Ah yes, because you’ve been alone these last few months.” I scoffed and tried to get back to my homework, but it was hard to focus with his gaze on me.

           “You know those girls don’t compare to you.” I looked up from my books again.

           “Well that sucks for you. Yoongi is a better boyfriend than you’ll ever be.” I could see the look of anger cross his face as I said that. He stood from the table abruptly and yanked the book out of my hands, throwing it the floor in a rage before roughly taking my face in his hand.

           “You are MY girl. No one else can have you.” The venom I had grown used to over the years we were together dripped from his lips. I spent years cowering in fear every time he’d speak to me like that, but I knew he wouldn’t try anything with all these watchful eyes staring at him.

           “Actually, she’s my girl.” My stomach did flips when I heard Yoongi’s familiar voice dripping with anger. “And I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your hands off her.” He stepped in between Jackson and me.

           “You seem proud to have my sloppy seconds.” Jackson smirked, but before he could cross his arms over his chest in victory, Yoongi punched him in the face, causing me to leap from my seat and in between the two to stop Yoongi.

           “Hey, hey, look at me.” Yoongi kept looking past me at a now bleeding Jackson, so I placed my hands on the sides of his face and made him look at me. The anger in his eyes dissipated when they met mine. “Let’s pack up and go somewhere else.” He just nodded, apologizing for causing a scene. “Jackson’s the one who should apologize.” I smiled, swinging my bag over my shoulder.

           “Was he always like that?” Yoongi hesitantly asked as we started walking nowhere in particular.

           “Not in the beginning. But the last year of our relationship, I suppose you could say he was abusive and controlling. That’s why I broke up with him.” Yoongi stopped in his tracks.

           “Wait, you broke up with him?” I chuckled and nodded, continuing to walk backwards so I could still see Yoongi. “That’s not what I should have gotten from that.”

           “It’s fine. I’m not traumatized or anything. Shit happens. You just gotta move on.” Just as I finished my sentence, I tripped over a rock and Yoongi was quick on his feet, wrapping his arms around me before I could hit the pavement. He unwrapped them from me just as quickly when I got my balance back.

           “Be careful.” He said simply and the two of us continued walking, my heart threatening to beat right out of my chest.

           I sat on my bed, scrolling through all the photos the two of us took on my phone. A few were sent to me from the others, gushing about how cute the two of us looked together. I smiled as the tears streamed down my cheeks.

           “I still can’t believe the two of you are dating!” Hoseok exclaimed as our group sat around a table, waiting for the food we had just ordered to arrive.

           “Yeah, I mean you two are as opposite as they come!” Jimin added, shaking his head. “Y/N is so bubbly and smiley all the time. And Yoongi-hyung barely ever smiles!” I linked my arm through his, causing him to look down at me but I just smiled.

           “You get used to it.” I spoke. “Regardless, he’s really cute. And he’s a good boyfriend.”  

           “Just good?” Yoongi joked, raising a brow at me.

           “He punched your abusive ex and he’s just a good boyfriend?!” Taehyung exclaimed. I chuckled at the memory that seemed like it happened a couple days ago but actually occurred a month ago.

           “Whoa he did what?!” Jungkook asked.

           “Oh yeah, it was really sexy actually.” I told the table, causing Yoongi to get slightly embarrassed and playfully push me away. “What? It’s true. I could have jumped your bones right then and there. No one has ever stood up to Jackson, let alone punch him.”

           “Jump my- oh my god, Y/N.” Yoongi shook his head, but I could see a small smile dancing across his lips.

           “You’re breaking Yoongi-hyung!” Jungkook joked, pointing out the fact that Yoongi just smiled.

           “Who would have thought Yoongi would have a soft spot.” Jin teased, reaching across to poke his shoulder. Yoongi smacked his hand away and dismissed having a soft spot for anyone. But I knew I was slithering my way through his cold exterior, and that thought alone gave me butterflies.

           Just until graduation. I kept repeating to myself. At the time it seemed like I had all the time in the world to make my way into his heart, but it seemed like the months passed all too quickly. “You aren’t going to watch your boyfriend graduate?” My roommate asked when she saw me sitting on the couch, the ceremony just an hour away.

           “I think we broke up.” I whispered, the tears still falling. She immediately brought me into an embrace. It was never supposed to be like this. Everything was pretend; we were supposed to just go back to our normal lives as if nothing happened. But I grew attached to having him by my side throughout the 7 months. I fell in love with him.

           “You didn’t have to come with me.” I thought out loud as we drove to my cousin’s wedding. Yoongi glanced over at me.

           “I’m supposed to be your boyfriend. These things are what boyfriends do.” I nodded, keeping my head forward. We’ve been acting for 5 months now and in my opinion have grown quite close. He’s really been my rock during these hard times. He’s let me complain about Jackson and didn’t judge me when I cried about missing him when I was drunk.

           After we parked, the two of us walked towards the doors of the venue side by side. As we got closer, he grabbed my hand and linked my arm through his own, causing me to look up at him. He was already smiling down at me and opened the door for us to walk through.

           We spent the time before the ceremony mingling with my family, introducing my new boyfriend. Everyone was surprised to see me with a guy that wasn’t Jackson, so sure the two of us were getting married after graduation. “Well, if I play my cards right, the next wedding we’ll be attending is ours.” Yoongi said to my uncle who asked about how serious we were. My heart swelled at the idea of walking down the aisle to him at the end of it, but I caught myself before I got too into the idea.

           “Everyone seems to love you.” I whispered as we took our seats minutes before my cousin was to walk down the aisle.

           “The competition wasn’t hard.” He joked and I playfully slapped him in the arm, causing him to burst into a fit of laughter. It was the biggest smile I’d seen on his face and I swear time stopped as I stared at him in awe. It’s been known that he’s a good-looking guy, but seeing him smile like that, I couldn’t help but fall in love in that moment.

           A harsh knock at the door pulled me from my memories. My roommate had left soon after giving me a hug, wanting to go watch her boyfriend walk the stage. I stared at my phone for a second, the lock screen being a picture of Yoongi and I at my cousin’s wedding, dressed to the nines. Whoever was on the other side of the door knocked again so I shouted a quick ‘coming’ as I stood from the couch. I’m not sure who I expected to see on the other side, but it definitely wasn’t Min Yoongi.

           “You didn’t come to the graduation.” He said, not moving from the doorway even though I moved aside to allow him in.

           “You said you just needed me until graduation.” I reminded him. We never discussed when this would actually end, or if I would attend his graduation, so I just assumed he wouldn’t want me there and stayed home.

           “Fuck that.” He said, finally stepping in my dorm so I could close the door. “I got used to having you there these past months. You came to all my events. You were there to get me out of my head and remind me to take care of myself.” His voice was in between being angry and being soft. I was confused as to what was happening, but he kept talking, and I held onto every word. “I don’t want to go back to a life without you by my side.”

           “What are you saying, Yoongi?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest, feigning annoyance at his presence in hopes of protecting my heart.

           “I’m saying I’m in love with you, dammit!” He threw his arms in the air before dropping them back to his side and looking at me with an intense look in his eyes. “I’m in love with you and I want you to stay by my side.” He practically whispered, stepping closer to me. I dropped my arms to my side as he placed a hand on my cheek and brought his face closer to mine. “I’m going to kiss you now, okay?” He whispered and I nodded just in time for him to close the space between us. 7 months I acted as his girlfriend, slowly falling in love with him, and I only dreamed of his lips on mine. The feeling was so much better than I could have ever imagined.

           “I take it you two made up?” My roommate giggled from the doorway. I wrapped my arms around Yoongi’s torso and rested my head on his chest.

           “Yeah.” I said, still in a daze from the kiss we just shared. Yoongi kissed the top of my head and my roommate just shook her head and went to grab something before leaving again.

            “So, I was originally going to move in with Jin after graduating, but I’d prefer to live with you so I can still see you everyday.” I smiled up at him.

           “Are you sure? That’s a huge step, and we kind of just got together.” I laughed.

           “Well, honestly I’ve considered you my girlfriend for 7 months now. I don’t think this was ever really pretend for me.”

           “Me neither.”

           “So is that a yes?” I couldn’t help but laugh at the hopefulness in his eyes and the excitement in his voice. I’ve gotten so used to his melancholy ways that seeing him like this was different.

           “Yes.” He pulled me in for another kiss in that moment, and for a minute I could have sworn I was floating.

           “I love you.”

           “I love you too, you idiot.”

[holdyourbreathuntilyouseelight]

Hothead

Summary:  Extended station scene from 1x03 between Carlos and TK, from Carlos' POV. A snapshot of how they started to mend things between them after TK had stormed out on the date that Carlos had tried to spring on him.

Rating: General Audiences

A/N: I do not pretend to know anything about the inner workings of a police station, their rules and regulations or what sort of things are contained in their reports. Tried to be as realistic as I could but apologies for any inaccuracies.I also do not claim any ownership of 9-1-1 Lone Star or the associated characters. Pretty sure they own me instead... (:

First foray into the 9-1-1 fandom but hopefully not the last!

Read on AO3 here.

* * *

Carlos was flipping through the files on his desk, making sure he had signed off on the last of them, when a familiar name being spoken caught his attention.

"TK Strand, yeah. He's a firefighter with the 126. Guess he got a little hot-headed."

"You can't keep reusing the same joke every time something involves a firefighter, Ben, seriously."

Carlos looked up from his desk to see two of his colleagues ribbing each other, all talk and no malice.

Jill was right – Ben liked to reuse the same heat-related jokes about firefighters, but his curiosity was peaked over the implication in regards to TK.

"What's that about one of the 126 firefighters? Did they get hostile at a scene we were at or something?"

The two cops looked over at him in surprise. He wasn't normally one to join in on gossip.

"Nah, he was off duty. Started a fight at a bar. Provoked two built men that were drunk off their asses. Bartender called it in after security tried breaking it up."

Carlos felt his worry double. What was TK doing? Why was he picking a fight? He knew he had freaked out on him the other day, making it clear there was a lot more going on internally than he was letting on, but volunteering to get pummeled? That had to be a cry for help.

"EMS clear him?"

"Yeah, he's fine, just some cuts and bruises. He's cooled off now; just gotta process him, give him back his shit, and do the usual stern warning that means bull."

Carlos seized the presented opportunity, hoping Ben would take the bait. "Hey, if it's that easy, why don't I take over? Your shift just ended and I owe you for staying late when I had my abuela's birthday to run to. I've finished the last of my reports from that three car pile-up earlier, so I'm free."

"Well, me and Ella were supposed to do date night tonight… yeah, all right, Reyes. He's all yours. Thanks, man."

"Of course. Have a good time." Carlos said, trying to play it off casual, like it was no big deal, even though he was itching to corner TK and ask what the hell he was thinking. He didn't need his coworkers knowing details about his private life so it was better they didn't know he knew the guy more intimately than professional overlap.

"I think you still owe Spencer, Reyes. Pretty boy is easy on the eyes, even if he is an idiot who started a bar fight." Officer Porter teased.

Carlos didn't bite; the station knew he was out, at least most of them did, so it wasn't that weird of a comment. Reacting would only make it obvious that something had gone on between them and he didn't need a lecture from the sergeant on duty about professional conduct or bias.

Ben passed over the folder on his way to his desk. Carlos immediately sifted through it, scanning the pages quickly to learn the basics of what had gone down.

Caucasian male, mid-to-late twenties, athletic build. 0.0 BAC on breathalyzer test. No abnormalities on basic toxin screen. No prior records with APD. No registered fingerprints in American database. New York driver's license – Tyler Kennedy Strand. Firefighter identification lists station 126. Charges of assault and disturbing the peace dropped by others involved. Release from policy custody with warning.

He read further through the other two men's files, piecing together that the story detailed matched what he had already been told.

Carlos looked up as another one of his colleagues led a handcuffed TK to his work desk and nodded in his direction. He accepted the plastic bag of TK's belongings from Jill and headed over to his… well, he didn't really know what they were.

He watched as TK held an ice pack to his temple, the odd cough wheezing out of him. He probably had a bruised rib or two, if not fractured, and it no doubt left his chest extra tight.

Carlos strode over and dropped the plastic bag of belongings onto the desk without a word.

TK looked up and groaned at the sight of him. "Seriously?"

Carlos grimaced as he sat down. "Austin's a small town, TK. Or should I say, Tyler Kennedy."

"Ugh." TK grumbled, eyes closed as he kept the ice pack against the side of his head.

"Bummer about getting arrested – people might find out your real name. Which marks the first actual thing I've learned about you."

Being good with his mouth, hands, and body notwithstanding…

"Isn't your processing me, like, a conflict of interest?" TK asked, a thin shred of hope clinging to the words.

It wasn't really an issue, given that Carlos hadn't been the deciding officer on charges and, technically, he wasn't even sure what their relationship could be classified as in order to consider it. If anything, it would be their definable working relationship that was the issue, but most officers in the precinct would have the same problem since they all crossed paths at one time or another on the job.

Carlos chose not to answer him, instead changing the subject. "The good news is that neither of your new friends want to talk about that little scuffle tonight…" he explained while unlocking the cuffs around TK's wrists, trying not to react when their hands brushed in the process. "…and since you blew a 0.0, we're not even giving you a drunk and disorderly."

He finally freed TK entirely of the metal, and TK rubbed his wrists, still not looking at him straight on.

Carlos pushed the bag towards him. "You're free to go."

There was a pause as TK digested that.

"And what's the bad news?" he asked as he picked up his stuff.

Carlos inhaled. "The bad news is that means you did this with a clear head." He swallowed before leaning on the desk to bring them closer together, lowering his voice so any nosy coworkers couldn't overhear. "I'm not trying to be your boyfriend, or even your friend if you're not into it, but you should probably talk to someone about why you felt compelled to do something so suicidal."

TK's eyes held so much pain as he looked back at him that Carlos had to look away. Needing something to do with his hands before he grabbed TK and refused to let go, he tossed the tissue box in front of him.

"You've got a little crud there, by the way." he added, gesturing to the side of his mouth.

TK plucked a tissue out and rubbed at the opposite side of his mouth to where the blood had piled up.

"Other side." he said, staring unblinking at the computer screen without taking any of it in. He was way too hyperaware of the man he hadn't been able to get out of his head to concentrate on the words on the screen.

TK wiped closer to the spot but still missed and didn't get the bulk of it, so Carlos sighed and grabbed a tissue of his own.

"Stop. Just… let me."

Deep green eyes bore into his brown ones as Carlos gently wiped the area, managing to get at least the worst of it. Their gaze was locked so intensely, Carlos was half-expecting sparks to explode in the air. God, he wished he could read TK's mind. There was some sort of storm brewing behind his eyes and Carlos had no idea what kind of emotion was rolling in.

He pulled the tissue away, crushing it up in his fist to stop him from saying or doing something stupid. He had already put his heart on the line enough with the man. No need to solidify his humiliation any further.

"Thanks." TK muttered, looking away finally.

Carlos didn't look at him, pretending to be wrapped up with finalizing the paperwork on the computer.

TK leaned over the desk, crossing an arm over the space between them. "Hey. I'm sorry I went crazy on you the other night." he said softly.

Carlos didn't want to reveal all of his cards, but there was no denying the thrill that rolled through him that TK was trying to apologize for what went down between them the other day. It had been eating him up inside since. And if TK was bringing it up unprompted, maybe that meant it had been bothering him too. And that he actually wanted to mend things between them.

Carlos managed to play it cool and indifferent. "I'm a cop. I'm used to crazy."

"Look, I just went through a really bad breakup. Like, nuclear bad. And then I relapsed."

Carlos had turned his body to face him but couldn't look him in the face, instead busying himself with a report on his desk. "You mean with me?"

Great, he was just a mistake. A 'relapse'. Guess that meant TK slept around, or used to, and it really had meant nothing to him.

"No. I mean with substances."

Carlos finally looked up at that. He wasn't expecting the confession, nor the way that TK was exposing himself to him right then. TK had addiction issues? Had given up substances likely due to misuse or overuse and his breakup had been bad enough to trigger using again?

Something clicked in his memory from the other night and he felt shame wash over him. "Right. Which explains your reaction to the champagne."

He had never asked if TK was even a fan of champagne or alcohol in general. He should've been more respectful and anticipated the idea that maybe TK had a poor relationship with it, or a bad experience, or just wasn't interested in it at all. No wonder he got his back up right away – Carlos had been trying to have a proper date with him but he didn't know this important thing about him. And TK was still probably pretty raw after his relapse that even the pressure to be polite would've been enough to set off some ugly emotions. That he'd have to come up with an excuse or lie, because who wanted to reveal their deepest secrets that early on?

"I'm such an idiot. I'm-I'm sorry…"

TK cut off his stammering. "No, it's fine, okay? I just… ever since I got here, it's just… it's just grey. And I just feel numb, all the time. I guess I just… I wanted to feel something."

TK's eyes were wet now, and there was nothing but heartbreaking honesty reflecting out of them.

Carlos felt his own eyes filling with moisture. He didn't know what to say. Hearing that TK had been hurting so badly, that he still was struggling so much… it broke his heart.

TK slipped his wallet and phone out of the clear bag finally and stood up to leave, heading in direction of the exit without another word. It seemed he had said all he needed to say.

Carlos couldn't let him go yet, couldn't let that be the last thing said between them tonight. "Judging by that lip, I'd say mission accomplished."

TK stared at him in irritable disbelief, the barest hint of amusement at the edges. "You really busting my balls right now?"

"Yeah. I suppose I am." Carlos replied.

He couldn't help the way the corner of his mouth lifted in a slight smirk, and he felt his heart pick up its pace when he saw TK's expression break into one of his gorgeous smiles.

TK shook his head at him in mock-disappointment. "And all this time, I thought you were too good for me."

It was clearly meant in jest, but Carlos could detect the hidden truth behind the words. He was a little too stunned to say anything to dispute it, their easy banter normally coming naturally to him but he was drawing a blank.

It wasn't until the door closed behind him that Carlos moved, and then he was crossing the station to chase him outside.

"TK! Wait."

TK turned from where he was walking down the sidewalk, his movements more ginger now than they were in the station. He likely was in a lot more physical pain than he had let on.

Carlos stood in front of him and inhaled a breath in the hopes that it would instill some courage in him.

"Thank you for telling me all of that. I know that couldn't have been easy. But I want you to know, it doesn't change anything for me. I still want to be with you. Whenever you decide you're ready. I…" He exhaled shakily, glancing down at his shoes as he tried to dig for that bravery somewhere deep inside him. "I really like you, TK. Not just because you're the best sex I've ever had. I… there's something here. I feel it when I'm around you. You're… you're special. You make me feel… so many things I don't know how to name yet."

Great, now he was rambling. Even better, making it clear how much of a lovesick fool he was over the guy. That wouldn't freak him out or anything.

He corrected his throat, trying to calm his anxiety. "Look, all I'm saying is that if you feel anything for me, I can be patient. I can wait until you're more ready. I think you're worth the wait."

TK's responding smile could outshine the sun. He wasted no time in coiling his arms around Carlos' waist and burying his face in his shoulder.

"I really like you too. And I do want to give this a shot. Just… when it has a better chance of not blowing up before it gets started."

Carlos pressed a quick kiss to his good temple before pulling back.

"For now, try to stay out of trouble, okay? You won't always be so lucky to get such an understanding cop like me processing you at the station."

TK blew out an exasperated breath that turned into a laugh. "I'll do my best."

Carlos couldn't help grinning at him, a much bigger fan of a laughing and teasing TK than a shattered and beaten one.

"I should get back. You gonna be okay to get home?"

TK nodded. "Yeah I already called a ride."

"Well, see you later then." Carlos said, not really sure how to be less awkward as he headed back up the stairs to return to the station.

"Hey, Carlos?"

He turned around. "Yeah?"

"Best sex you've ever had, huh?"

TK was sporting his cockiest grin, and Carlos wished he could kiss it off of his stupid smug face.

"You would pick that as the only takeaway from that whole speech…"

TK chuckled. "No, I remember it all. I just latched onto that because it was the same for me too."

Carlos took an extra second to process and then he felt himself flushing in pride.

TK's smile softened, no doubt reading his reaction even from several feet away. "Goodnight, Officer Reyes." he said cheekily as he moved towards the car marked with the Uber sticker that had pulled up.

Carlos could only watch as the car drove off into the night.

He felt a little bereft being apart from TK after all the honesty of the evening. Something about being so vulnerable together gave him the urge to be within close quarters, not wanting to give up the resulting rush that came with exposing your heart and having it be safe with the other person.

But Carlos knew that TK needed time. And he was willing to wait as long as it took.

For now, he returned to his desk, this time with a little more of a spring in his step.

[nugnthopkns]

i’ll tell you i was wrong if you dance with me

word count: 3.3k

warnings: explicit fem!reader, slightly unhealthy relationship moment (lack of communication), mention of infidelity, cursing, alcohol consumption, a fair bit of angst

recommended listening: fred astaire | adam brock

a/n: communicate with your partners!!! also yeah this is the song from lady bird. it’s a banger

This seriously isn’t happening. 

You never fight with Travis. Communication comes easy between the two of you, but you also make it a priority to talk about your feelings. It keeps things from boiling over; both of you are known to unleash wicked tempers on occasion and have found being direct stops issues from occuring. Arguments still occasionally happen, but they’re typically over trivial things like what movie to watch or where you’re spending the holidays. Travis apparently forgot about the fact you talk to each other about things. 

He’d been upset when he came home from practice, but you were pretty sure he was fine after he woke up from his pre-game nap. Knowing he’s a superstitious person and has a lot of pressure on him to put up points, you had made the choice not to ask about what was bothering him. Throwing off his routine could have detrimental consequences. Tonight's game is tighter than it should have been, but the Flyers come out on top. Travis spends a bit more time in the penalty box than you would have liked, but everyone was getting chippy by the start of the third period. Claude tries to talk to him on the bench but he gets shut down. Whatever Travis was upset about before is still clearly bothering him, and it’s affecting his game. 

You’re following Travis home from the game, and can tell he’s uptight from the way he’s gripping the steering wheel. As you wind through downtown Philadelphia you try and prepare yourself for any bomb that could drop. Chances are that when you reach your apartment things will explode. Maybe it’s nothing; Travis is fine and just wants to be a responsible driver for once. You pull into the free spot beside his car and see him walking towards the elevator, suit jacket balled up and tucked under his arm. This won’t be good. Trying to buy yourself some time, you take the stairs. Seven flights later you arrive outside your door; he left it unlocked, which gives you a sliver of hope things will be fine. 

“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” you call into the darkness of the apartment. Your sneakers are left at the door and to retreat towards the bedroom, looking for a sign of life. You find one in the bathroom: the light is on. A gentle push on the door reveals your boyfriend is in the shower and ignoring you. 

“Trav?”

“Yeah,” he huffs, words muffled by him tossing his head back to rinse the shampoo of his hair. Apparently the shower isn’t as relaxing as he had hoped. 

You don’t bother to tread lightly, upset that he’s acting like a child. “You’re being an asshole. I get that you had a bad day, but you can’t take it out on me. I just want to help.”

Travis turns the water off suddenly. “Can’t help if you’re the problem,” he scoffs. 

His statement doesn’t make sense. You’ve done nothing out of the ordinary the past couple of days; nothing that would warrant the behaviour you’re receiving. “What do you mean?”

Shouldering passed you to exit the room, Travis doesn’t bother to respond. You’re beyond frustrated: partners in healthy relationships communicate, not show emotions like grade schoolers. “You’re not giving me the fucking silent treatment Travis. You gotta talk to me.” The bedroom is dark when you enter and you flick the overhead light on to see better.

“You really don’t know?”

“Of course I don’t know,” you seethe. “If I did know we wouldn’t be in this predicament because we’d be solving the issue.”

The glare you receive is sharp enough to cut stone. He pulls on a t-shirt, anger clear in the aggression he does it with. “Why did I have to find out from Carter that you’ve been getting coffee with your TA?”

You’re shocked. In no way is it what he thinks it is. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you sigh, upset that Travis would take someone else’s words at face value and not talk to you about it. 

“I’m dead fucking serious Y/N. You preach communication, but it looks as though you’re the one who hasn’t been doing enough talking.”

The room around you starts to spin. You can’t comprehend what he’s insinuating. “Wait, you think I’m cheating on you?” you ask. There has been a gross miscommunication error somewhere; never in a million years would you think of having an affair.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well what the fuck did you say?”

Travis tugs at the roots of his hair in frustration. He doesn’t answer immediately, pacing the length of the bed a few times. “I just–” he struggles to articulate his words. “I just said that you’re being a bit hypocritical, don’t you think? You’re standing here yelling at me because I didn’t voice my concerns, but you haven’t been talking to me about what’s going on in your life.” Travis’ tone is sharp, and it stings. 

It’s your turn to show how upset you are. Your hands curl into fists at your side, and you squeeze your nails into your palms before releasing them. “I do tell you what goes on in my life Travis,” your breathing ragged as you try to not lose your cool. “I ran into my TA at the coffee shop yesterday, and he paid for my drink because my card wouldn’t work. Didn’t think it was breaking news, sorry I don’t send you every single fucking life update that happens. What’s gotten into you?”

“You could have been cheating!” 

“But I wasn’t!” you scream, no longing caring about keeping up appearances. You can’t believe Travis would think that. It hurts. “And I never would! You know this”

He turns his back to you, like it pains him to look at you, but you don’t understand why. You're not the one suggesting infidelity. “That’s it? That’s all you’ve got to say?” he seethes. 

“That’s all there is to say! There’s nothing to explain, no secret to uncover. I’m not in the wrong here.”

“And you think I am?”

You look at Travis like he has three heads. “Are you serious? You’re the one who’s so fucking upset over a situation that could have happened to literally anyone.” Your tone suggests that you’re exhausted with the conversation, and Travis gets the hint. 

He slinks towards the door, still visibly angry. “I’ll take the couch tonight,” he grits out before tightly gripping the doorknob and shutting the door with more force than needed. 

The bed doesn’t look appealing, full of much happier memories, but fighting with Travis has knocked any and all energy out of you. You gingerly pull back the covers and slip underneath. Tears trickle down your cheek as you toss and turn, trying to fall into some sort of slumber. However, your mind has other ideas, replaying the blowout. You can’t begin to understand why Travis is so bothered by the instance, and more importantly why it caused him to disregard a fundamental part of your relationship. There’s little movement from beyond the door, but you can hear the faint noise of a Johnny Cash record playing from the speakers in the living room. After hours of staring at the ceiling your eyes close and a fitful sleep follows. 

You might have gotten nine hours of sleep, but you wake up feeling exhausted. Fighting with anyone drains you, but fighting with Travis is especially terrible because it rarely happens. There doesn’t seem to be any movement from the other side of the door; maybe he’s still asleep. You refrain from heading into the kitchen, unsure of what will happen if you see him. After nearly twenty minutes you can’t wait any longer to start your day and pad into the main living space. It’s empty: no sign that Travis has been there for many hours. Guess you don’t have to immediately deal with the fallout of last night. 

A post-it note is tacked onto the fridge handle and your heart skips a beat. In Travis’ chicken scratch it reads I’ll see you at the gala tonight. We’ve got media all day and I won’t be back in time for us to go together. There’s no mention of the fight, and you can’t judge from a two sentence note whether or not he’s still pissed off. 

“Fuck,” you groan. “The gala.” Tonight’s the annual Flyers Give Back gala, and you’re expected to be in attendance. It’s not even a charity event; the organization is offering a chance for business men to chat up the players in hopes they continue to donate. You find things like these unbearable and tedious, but Travis does his best to make them enjoyable. Not knowing what page you’re on with him is going to be terrible. There’s a pretty good chance he’ll ignore you if he’s still upset. 

As if someone is reading your mind, the better halves group chat starts to explode. Everyone is chattering excitedly about tonight, and under normal circumstances you’d be excited to see them in such a relaxed setting. It’s been a while you’ve all hung out, but you can’t find yourself to contribute to the conversation. You mute the notifications and do your best to move on with your day. The rest of the morning is spent working on your thesis; mind numbing work that almost makes you forget about everything that happened in the past twenty-four hours. Once you’ve hit an acceptable word count for the day you shutdown your computer and make lunch. 

The grilled cheese sandwich you eat while watching a John Mulaney comedy special fulfills your appetite but doesn’t curb your dread. You decide to call your sister, hoping she can be a welcome distraction. Dialling her number you sink further into the couch cushions, wrapping yourself tightly with a blanket so that only your head is poking out. “What’s up?” she asks, and you hear her shuffle in the background, presumably to move somewhere more private. It isn’t normal for you to call her unannounced. 

You hold it together for approximately two seconds. The tears start and they don’t stop. Every emotion you’ve felt since getting home last night comes to the surface, and before you know it you’re sobbing into the receiver. 

“Woah, slow down,” she says. “Y/N, take some deep breaths.” When your breathing returns to a somewhat regular level she continues speaking. “What happened?”

It takes you nearly twenty minutes to tell the whole story because you’re so distraught. No detail is spared, and you go back much farther than is probably needed. You recount what happened after yesterday’s practice, pretty much the entire game, and the fight that followed. “I just don’t know what brought this on,” you sniffle. “We don’t fight, we talk about things. I’m not sure if I’m more upset at what he insinuated or at the fact he broke a cardinal rule.”

Your sister sighs, and you hear her breath fan in slight annoyance. You’re worked up about something kinda stupid, you know, but you can’t let it slide. “It’s probably a bit of both. So, what are you going to do?”

“What can I do? I know that we need to talk about what happened, but a public event is not the best place to do that. I also can’t not show up or ask Trav to ditch in order to figure this out. We have to be there.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it figured out then.”

You really don’t. “What happens if he ignores me the entire night?”

She laughs and tells you to not to anything stupid, and to take your mind off of things tells you a story about your nephew eating dirt. It does the trick; you’re momentarily distracted and forget about Travis. You talk for a while longer before she has to go. “Miles is crying, will you be okay if I let you go?”

It’s your turn to laugh. “I’ll be fine,” you insist. A glance at the clock tells you it’s time to start getting ready. “I’ve gotta shower and start the process. Beauty is time consuming you know.”

Against your better judgement you open your text messages to see if there’s anything from Travis. His text thread is the same as it was yesterday and you’re disappointed. You had hoped that maybe he’d get bored between interviews and check in. With no new notifications you exit out of the application and pull up a playlist you hope will brighten your mood. The steam from the shower relaxes your tense muscles and warms you up. It’s comforting in the way a cocoon is; you practically have to drag yourself out of the bathtub. 

Your bedroom is cold and doesn’t offer the same respite as the bathroom. The music continues to float in from the hallway, and you allow yourself to get lost in it. It’s been a while since you danced around your room; it worked to cure sadness when you were a teenager. Hopefully the magic hasn’t worn off. You flail your arms, not caring how silly you look since no one is here to see you anyways, and scream along at the top of your lungs. After a few songs you feel better and return to the task at hand. The dress code is labelled as ‘black tie’ on the invitation, but that isn’t what you’re worried about. You own a million dresses for situations like this after being with Travis for so long. You don’t know what he packed to wear, and there’s a decent chance you’ll be pushed together for photos. Clashing colours will look terrible.

A quick glance through his side of the closest leaves you no clues, so you decide to be as literal as possible. Black is a flattering colour and works well with every colour combination. There’s a jumpsuit hanging in the back that catches your eye and you think it’s the perfect choice. After pulling it on you move back into the bathroom to do your hair and makeup. Everything is natural and relaxed; once again for the sake of potential photos. The clock strikes on the hour and you realize it’s time to leave. A pair of heels are slipped on and you order an Uber before locking the apartment and heading to the lobby. You had thought about driving yourself, but on the occasion that things don’t end well with Travis you’ll probably have more than a couple of drinks. 

The entire way to the venue your leg bounces up and down. It’s been years since you’ve been this nervous about being around the team. You’ve been with Travis for a few seasons now, and the organization has become a second family to you. No one is going to know about the fight and you worry they’re going to talk about your solo arrival. The outside of the convention centre is sharply decorated, and your driver lets out a low whistle at the extravagance of it all. “Thank you so much,” you gush, and exit the car. Thankfully no photographers are set up outside, and you dart inside without being seen. 

Once in the main event space, you scan for the bar. There’s no sign of Travis, which should make you more relaxed but doesn’t. What if there was an accident on the way to the venue? You have no idea where he was all or who he came with. Overthinking distracts you from your original goal, leaving you standing aimlessly in the middle of the room. 

“You look like you might need one of these,” Ryanne chuckles, handing you a champagne flute. You gladly accept and down it in two gulps. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, eyes scanning to see if your boyfriend has made an appearance. 

She sees right through your facade of calm and wraps you in a tight hug. “What’s going on?”

For a second time today you explain what happened last night. There’s no judgement from Ryanne as there might have been from your sister because she understands. Dating a professional athlete isn’t easy; things like this happen much more frequently than you’d expect. Perhaps it’s all the time spent apart that makes the occasional lapse in communication so apparent. She listens quietly, full attention on you. To your credit you don’t cry this time, slightly more numb to the situation to due more time passing. It still hurts a tremendous amount. 

“He’ll come around,” Ryanne insists. “TK is a little moronic sometimes, but he’d never jeopardize his relationship with you. You’re quite literally the most important thing in his life.”

 “I know. I’m just upset because the whole thing could have been avoided.”

She offers you a sympathetic smile. “I know.” Ryanne links her arm through yours. “Let’s go find something to snack on.”

You spend most of the night with Ryanne, and occasionally Claude when he can get away from the hot-shot businessmen. Travis eventually came in, flanked by Nolan, but was immediately pulled into the politics of the night. The two of you occasionally sneak glances at each other and you tell he’s uncomfortable. You can only hope it isn’t because of your presence. It’s nearing eleven; the party has become a much more relaxed affair, and the DJ is playing sappy love songs in an attempt to get the media team some good photo ops. An intern asks the Giroux’s if they’ll dance for an instagram story and they both look hesitant. “Go on guys, I’ll be fine,” you reassure. It’s the subtle push they need to enjoy a quiet moment together. 

As if he can sense you’re lonely and feel out of place, Travis approaches you. It’s tentative, like he’s petrified you’ll turn him away, but he comes regardless. Drinks are in each of his hands and he extends one to you. When you don’t take it he sets it on the table behind you. “Hi,” he says sheepishly, fiddling with something in his pocket. 

“Hi Travis.” You’re determined not to let his presence crack your resolve; last night illuminated a big issue and it needed to be dealt with. It’s proving to be difficult because he bumps a shoulder against yours and all you can think of is kissing him senseless. 

The song changes to a Bruce Springsteen ballad, and you recognize it instantly. It played at the coffee shop on your first date with Travis all those years ago. One look at him tells you this isn’t an accident, that he had requested it specifically for the two of you. “Dance with me?”

You sigh deeply, looking him in the eyes. “Trav, this isn’t going to magically fix things.”

“I know, baby, I know,” he pleads. “I fucked up so bad last night because I was being an idiot. I wrote down everything I would do differently if I had a time machine, look.” A hand reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a piece of paper filled with his nearly illegible print. “Just one dance, and then we can go home and talk about it like I should have suggested in the first place. Let me know we’re still okay.”

If you hadn’t been in public you’re sure Travis would have been in tears. It’s not necessarily a good look to cry in front of hundreds of sponsors. He has a reputation as the goofy boy who takes no shit to uphold. “You have a lot of talking ahead of you,” you say, and let him drag you onto the dance floor. Swaying in his arms you realize things are going to be just fine. Travis loves you and you love him; there’s nothing the two of you can’t work through. 

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

taglist: @jamiedrysdales​ @kiedhara​ @tortito​ if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

[apocalypseornaw]

Real Feelings

For the square *fake dating* on @girl-next-door-writes bingo

You pulled up to the newest construction site and parked next to Bobby’s truck. Him and Dean would be around here somewhere Ellen had tasked you with delivering the crew’s lunch order from the diner. You stepped out the truck then leaned back in to grab the box that held the food. When you heard someone call your name you nearly dropped the box. It was Micheal, your ex boyfriend who you’d been engaged to for a short time until he’d broken it off because in his words “This will never work out and it’ll cause less heartbreak now” you hadn’t seen him in a few years. 

You plastered a smile on your face as he moved to help you grab the box “Hi Michea! How have you been, what are you doing here?” he motioned around the lot “I’m here to meet with Dean and Bobby.They found a way to work around a design flaw I didn’t think about. What are you doing here?” you motioned to the box in your hand “Ellen, Bobby’s wife asked me to bring lunch” 

He smiled and waved a hand towards the trailers that held the temp offices “Then we’re headed in the same way. How’ve you been?” you nodded “Can’t complain, you?” he ran a hand across the back of his neck and you knew that as a tell he was nervous about something so when he started the next sentence with “Well actually I was going to call you” your stomach knotted. Why was he calling you? “Because?” you questioned so he grinned “I’m getting married. It’s a whole thing that’ll be up in the mountains. Charity, you remember Charity don’t you?” you nodded because yes you did in fact remember Charity. She was the greek goddess Micheal had met a few months after your split. She was gorgeous and sweet enough to meet sugar in her mouth. “Well she wanted to know if you’d like to come. Now it’ll not just be the wedding. My father is having a grand opening of the resort we’re using as well so there’ll be plenty of activities to do. You always did love the snow”

You walked up the steps next to him and knew your emotions were plainly written across your face because the next thing he added rather quickly was “And of course, if you’re seeing someone he can come along as well” you wracked your brain thinking of anyone you could use to keep from looking like you hadn’t gone this long without a lasting relationship considering he was getting married for real this time. “I’ll have to talk with him” you replied and could see his eyebrows go up slightly “Anyone I know?” you stepped into the door and as you did blurted out the only name that popped into your head “I’m actually seeing Dean” Micheal stopped in his tracks “Winchester?”  you breathed a sigh of relief to see Dean wasn’t in the office yet then nodded “Yeah about a year now” “Can’t say I’m surprised” he muttered and you were about to ask why when the door opened to Dean walking in.

“Hey baby!” you called moving to hug him then whispered in his ear “For the love of god go along with it. I’ll owe you” he gave you a look but pressed a quick kiss to your cheek “Hey to you too sweetheart” then nodded to Micheal “Hey man” you knew Dean was probably wondering what was really going on considering he was watching you as you laid his and Bobby’s food down then walked out to take the other food to the crew. Bobby had joined him and Micheal by then so Dean excused him by saying “Bobby I’m gonna walk Y/N. Make sure she’s wearing her hardhat this time” Bobby nodded then turned his attention back to the plans he was showing Micheal.

------

Once you and Dean were outside he cut his eyes at you and took one of the boxes out of your hand “So darling, when did we start seeing each other?” you grimaced then explained “I’m so sorry but he caught me by surprise. I didn’t know this was one of his dad’s builds then he’s talking about the fact that him and Charity are getting married and he’s inviting me and my boyfriend and honestly? With the exception of Bobby and Sam I don’t really hang out with that many guys besides you” you quickly explained the weekend Micheal and Charity had planned heading up to their big day.

He was silent for a few moments then shrugged “Is it paid?” “What?” you asked in confusion so he clarified “Is it paid? Like we show up and enjoy this brand spanking new resort in the mountains, get our food cooked for us. Our rooms cleaned for us and all we have to do in return is sit through your douchey ex getting married?” You nodded slowly and he smirked “I say let’s do it. I think it’d be fun and besides when’s the last time either of us had a vacation, let alone one we didn’t have to foot out an armload for?”

You opened your mouth then shut it just as quickly “Well I gotta go after I get this food to the crew but if you’re sure, tell him yes” he winked at you then took the other box from your hands “Go on and get back to Ellen because I fully expect my girl to have some new outfits before we show up to this destination wedding” you rolled your eyes at him then playfully swatted his ass “I’ll see what I can managed sugar”

------

The closer the weekend of the wedding got the more you wanted to back out. You and Micheal still had a lot of mutual friends and those mutual friends also knew Dean, Sam, Bobby and the entire bunch. There was bound to either be awkwardness or the horror of Micheal finding out you lied. Any time you bought the worry up to Dean he’d wave it off with the logic of “We know damn near everything about each other sweetheart. Hell you crashed at my place after you two split until we got you into your loft. We’re comfortable with casual touch. He’ll never know”

------

Before you knew it the wedding weekend had sprung up on you. You were curled up in the passenger seat of Dean’s truck as he drove following the directions Micheal and Charity had included in with every invitation. Normally he’d drive his impala but considering this was a trip into the mountains you both decided it would be better to take the truck.

“So do you know about our room situation?” he asked, breaking the silence in the cab of the truck. You shrugged “Charity got a headcount and they blocked off that many rooms. Considering they think we’re a couple you’re fine sharing with me aren’t you?” “Of course, sweetheart. Even if you do snore” he teased with a wink. You shook your head and reached up to turn the radio up slightly and smiled when he started to sing along with the song “Bad moon rising” 

------

“Wake up Y/N. We’re here” Dean called shaking your leg closest to him. You sat up and nearly told him to turn the truck around. Yes the resort was gorgeous but the reality of going to your ex-fiance’s wedding was starting to set in. Dean reached across the console and grabbed your hand “Hey fake boyfriend or not I’m really here to back you up. I won’t leave your side all weekend unless you tell me to ok?” you managed a smile then questioned “What if you see a hot bridesmaid?” he shrugged “I’ll get their number for later” “DEAN!” you scolded causing him to crack up laughing “See? Changed your mood that quick” You rolled your eyes but grabbed your bag and followed him once he was parked.

The interior of the resort had a nice almost rustic feel to it. A large fireplace was roaring in the center of the lobby and you grabbed Dean’s arm to pull him along with you to check it out. “You’re already smiling. It won’t be that bad” you turned to tell him that five minutes in versus an entire weekend was too different things but stopped when you heard an accented voice call both of your names. You looked up to see Benny and his sister Elizabeth walking towards you. “Benny” you greeted with a smile as the two of you hugged. Once you pulled away from him you greeted Elizabeth in much the same fashion. 

“So Dean, brother I hear you finally managed to wrangle this one” Benny asked with a smirk. Your eyes widened at his wording..what did he mean by finally? You chose not to ask considering you’d told Micheal the two of you had been together for nearly a year. Dean, ever the fast talker, simply slid an arm around your waist and winked at Benny “Things worth having take time don’t they?” you could feel a blush threatening to warm your cheeks and shot Elizabeth a grateful smile when she said “Leave her be boys. Y/N we need to catch up but for now I’ll drag my brother away so the two of you can get checked in and squared away”

After the two of them had walked off you looked at Dean who still had his arm around you holding you close to his side “What did Benny mean?” he shrugged “Who knows with Benny?” then moved to grab your bags then nodded towards the front desk “Let’s get checked in”

------

Your room was on the third floor so you took the nearest elevator up and thankfully it was empty. You leaned your head back against the wall then rolled it over to look at Dean silently cursing yourself for ever putting the two of you in this situation. You weren’t exactly ugly but damn the man looked like a walking wet dream when he was doing the most mundane tasks and you knew for a fact the suit he had brought for the ceremony was a Tom Ford black herringbone three piece. You’d seen him in it twice before and every woman and a good amount of the men in the nearest vicinity looked like they’d throw themselves under a bus to have a chance to see him without it and now here you were having to play it off like you had. “You’re thinking loud enough to give me a migraine” he spoke pushing off the wall when the elevator came to a stop. You shrugged “Just thinking how many more people are we gonna know that’s here, meaning how many are gonna ask about us being together after this weekend” “Let’s enjoy this weekend then we’ll worry about the rest” he replied with a wink motioning for you to step off first when the doors opened.

You checked the room numbers until you got to yours. You slid the key card in then stepped inside opening the door further for Dean since he’d insisted to carry your bags too because in his words “Yes you are more than capable but dammit I am a loving fake boyfriend”  You were in the living room area of the suit and it was nice, had a small couch against one wall with two overstuffed chairs sitting across the room next to a fireplace and a large tv on one wall. Dean let out a low whistle and sat your bags down in front of the couch “So far, so good. Want to check out the bedroom?” you ignored the warmth in your face to follow him to the bedroom door and cursed under your breath when you saw the kingsize bed. “I’ll um take the couch” you offered but he raised an eyebrow “We’re adults Y/N. I think we can share a bed. Besides this thing is big enough we won’t even be near each other unless we want to” he added a smirk at the end and you rolled your eyes feeling some of your nerves start to melt away at the simple fact of Dean being Dean.

 “Fine but you snore and I’ll put a pillow over your face” he nodded “Fair enough” then grabbed your hand “Get a thicker jacket on. We’re gonna go check out the grounds” you didn’t have time to argue before he was pulling your jacket out of one of your bags and slipping it onto your arms. 

------

The two of you spent a few hours simply walking the different paths around the resort. Dean was always big on the outdoors and you loved the snow so it was something that you both found joy in. You ended up taking several photos of wildlife including a squirrel that took a liking to Dean.

When the sun started to shift in the sky you tried and failed to hide a shiver from Dean. He was immediately pulling his gloves off and holding them out to you. “I think that’s our clue to head back” you slid the gloves on then nodded “Yeah”

You walked along next to him and was a bit surprised when he reached out to lace his fingers in with yours. You glanced down at your intertwined hands and he shrugged “That way we keep both of our hands halfway defrosted” you bit your lip to try to hide the smile you had at the action. What the hell were you doing to yourself? You had simply tried to duck out of an awkward conversation with an ex and were now risking one of the closest friendships you had.

Your attention was drawn by Elizabeth’s voice. You looked up about the time the brunette nearly barreled into you “Liz! Calm down honey. What is it?” you questioned. She cut her eyes at Dean then smiled sweetly “Stand right there Dean. I won’t keep her long” Dean had a curious look but nodded nonetheless.

You let her pull you a couple feet from Dean before asking “What is going on?” “Lisa is here” you felt your heart hit your feet at that. Lisa was Dean’s ex and the closest he’d ever gotten to marriage. She’d played him dirty though by using her son Ben as a bargaining chip. Once Ben got old enough to go off to school she’d lost that chip but you knew Dean’s feelings for her had in fact been very real. “Oh” you said softly which caused Elizabeth to shake your arms roughly “Oh? Oh as in you aren’t worried or oh as in I should start a fight with her sister just to give you an excuse to knock her out?” You let out a surprised laugh at her offer then said “Oh as in I’m not worried” you looked over your shoulder at Dean who waved when he saw he had your attention then added softly “Not very worried anyways”

-----

Elizabeth went in search of Benny so you and Dean headed back inside. He was asking if you wanted to hit the dining area or just get room service. You wanted to go ahead and tell him Lisa was here but if everything was going to implode you might as well enjoy a little before it did right? “I’m thinking room service and maybe some horror movies?” you suggested as the two of you walked towards the elevators. He pulled you into his side and left a kiss on your temple “That’s my girl!”

------

You left ordering the food up to Dean while you took a shower and you started to wonder if you should regret that decision when you walked into the living room. He had a fire going and there were plates on nearly every surface. “Are we barricading ourselves in here? Did the apocalypse start while I was in the shower and if so can I claim Daryl?” He looked up from scrolling through the movie options to laugh humorlessly “First off I’m like so much better looking than him and I just decided that we’d try a little bit of everything in case the rest of the weekend gets to be too much and your stomach does that nervous thing where you can’t eat without getting queasy” 

Damn he remembered that? Guess it shouldn’t surprise you but even Micheal had never paid too much mind to that. “Well in that case pick the first movie and let’s get this marathon started”

------

Dean knew you’d never make it through the entire list of movies the two of you had picked. Halfway through the Texas chainsaw massacre you were curled up next to him with your head laid over on his shoulder. He missed times like this. After you and Micheal had first split and you stayed with him this was a weekly occurrence. The two of you would stay up most saturday nights, watching the cheesiest horror movies and eating the weirdest take out you could.  You’d always fall asleep on him and he would always just get comfortable and sleep on the couch as well to have you close to him. His feelings for you had already been apparent by the time him and Lisa finally called it quits but you’d been with Micheal. After the breakup he hadn’t wanted to be seen as trying to take advantage so he was content with the best friend role. He’d date and see you date but would always hold his breath when you’d hit the couple weeks mark with whatever idiot you’d be currently seeing in hopes you’d kick the guy to the curb and you always did. 

When this weekend had come up you’d expected him to laugh at the idea but he’d jumped at. Maybe if he had some alone time with you in a place as gorgeous as this he could finally put words to his feelings and maybe just maybe you felt the same.

------

Waking up on the couch with Dean’s arms around you felt like a dream until you remembered just why the two of you were here and what Elizabeth had told you the night before. You turned to look up at him and smiled seeing his face so relaxed. His mouth was open just slightly and his hair was tousled from moving around in his sleep. You weren’t sure how long you’d been staring at him when a smirk slipped onto his face “Staring is a little creepy honey” you rolled your eyes and slowly started to sit up “I wasn’t staring I was simply making sure you weren’t drooling on me”

He opened one eye and smiled at you “Are you asking me to get bodily fluid on you?” “I swear to christ Dean!” you scolded but he started laughing and pulled you back down next to him “Shh go back to sleep. Breakfast runs for another two hours and there’s no wedding stuff until the snowmobile ride around one then the dinner at seven” You cut your eyes up at him and took a deep breath before saying “I need to tell you why Elizabeth found me last night”

He sat up slowly opening both eyes and yawned “I’m guessing not just to get help burying Benny in snow?” you shook your head “Um well you know a lot of our friend groups and Micheal’s are intertwined” he nodded so you finally bit the bullet “Lisa is here” “Oh” he stood up off the couch rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. There were too many emotions playing through his eyes to pick out just one so you took the opportunity to say “I’m gonna grab a shower. Charity asked for some of the female guests to come pick out corsages so none of us are left without flowers so I’m going to meet up with Liz to do that”

You quickly walked out the room before Dean could see the look in your eyes at his reaction upon hearing Lisa was at the resort. Well at least thursday had been fun. You simply had today and tomorrow to get through then sunday you could head home.

------

By the time you got out the shower Dean was sitting on the foot of the bed with his toiletry bag next to him so he could shower next. He glanced up when you walked out and smiled “So are you and Liz gonna meet up with me and Benny for breakfast or are we left up to our own devices?” you shrugged and grabbed your thinner jacket since you planned to be indoors until the snowmobiling later. “Why don’t you two go without us and we’ll meet up later?” “You don’t think I’m gonna leave you high and dry just because Lisa is here..do you?” you opened your mouth to reply but someone was on your side because Elizabeth chose that moment to text your phone “I’m outside your room babe” you showed him the phone and he nodded “Find me after you pick flowers..please?” you smiled “Of course” then nearly ran out the room.

------

You forced a smile onto your face as you followed Elizabeth into the room where Charity had the florists set up. You really did think it was a cute idea that she didn’t want any woman in attendance to be without flowers even though it was her big day.

You stopped the moment you stepped into the room and spotted Lisa talking to Charity’s sister Alice. “Well look what the cat dragged in” Elizabeth muttered under her breath and you bit your lip to hide the smile “Let’s just check in with Charity, pick our flowers and get the hell out of here” she nodded looping her arm in with yours. The two of you headed for the table lined with daisies,sunflowers and lilies. “What were you thinking?” she asked, picking up one of the flowers off the table. You shrugged “Something simple Liz, my dress is dark blue and Dean’s suit is black” “Is it the three piece Tom Ford number? He always did look amazing in that?” Lisa’s voice came from behind you and you felt your spine stiffen at her voice.

Elizabeth cut her eyes at you as you turned to face Lisa with a smile on your face “Matter of fact it is. Nice to see you again Lisa. How’s Ben?” her smile faltered slightly at your mention of him. “He’s doing fine, can I ask you one thing?” you nodded slowly “Even if I say no you’re gonna talk anyways so I might as well agree to it to keep things civil for Charity and Micheal’s sake”

You saw Elizabeth move out the corner of your eye coming to stand directly next to you and you then realized Lisa’s sister Tabitha had come to stand behind her. You weren’t doing this. You and Micheal had ended on a good note, Charity was a good person and you were going to have to be pushed really far to act stupid during their weekend. “Were you screwing him when I was with him or did you just wait until Micheal woke up about you?” “You know what Lisa..” Elizabeth started but was stopped by Alice stepping between you and Lisa “Braeden, Y/N is a guest here same as you are. If the two of you have issues with each other we have a big resort here take it outside or get over it”

You stared Lisa down as you told Alice “I have no problem. I’m here for Micheal and Charity. They invited me” Lisa plastered one of those smiles that could only be described as how Lucifer smiled at Eve in the garden “No issue from me either” Alice nodded and smiled at you “How have you been Y/N? Did you and Elizabeth find the flowers you wanted?” you shook your head still looking at Lisa over her shoulder. She gently touched your elbow and led you back to one of the tables. “Tell me what colors you and Dean are wearing and I’m sure we’ll find something that looks amazing. You too Elizabeth”

------

After you and Elizabeth were through picking flowers she asked if you wanted to grab breakfast. “Just the two of us?” you offered and she shrugged “Up to you. We can find your honey and my brother if you want or we can just catch up?” you smiled “I like the idea of catching up. Dean and Benny are big boys. They can be left alone for a little while” she smiled in return and grabbed your arm “Well then come on ma’am”

-------

You were sipping on your coffee when Lisa walked by your table. She was still staring you down but you refused to do anything to mess up a friend’s wedding weekend. “You know I’m starting to think she’s more jealous of Dean having you then you having Dean” Elizabeth scoffed and you coughed around your coffee from the laugh that pulled from your lips. “I really need to get down to Louisiana more often. I forgot just how much fun you Lafittes’ are” She winked at you over her own coffee cup “Especially around Mardi Gras”

You were about to leave to go change for the snowmobile ride when a plate was set down on the side of yours and Elizabeth’s table. You cut your eyes up at the person who’d sat it down and it was Tabitha. “Lisa said since you enjoy her leftovers so much she figured you may want more” you took a deep breath then stood to face her eye to eye “Tell Lisa if she has an issue with me she needs to be woman enough to deal with it when it’s not conflicting with other plans. Now she want to hit me up next weekend? I’ll gladly whip her ass” you heard Elizabeth snicker under her breath and Tabitha looked scandalized “Are you even with him? I mean you’re not really his type” 

Elizabeth was to her feet in a flash “You little..” but you stopped her with a hand then smiled at Tabitha “What? Not manipulative enough?” with that she seemed dumbfounded so you turned back to Elizabeth “Let’s go get changed”

------

Elizabeth’s room was on the same floor as yours and Deans so the plan was to change then meet up at the elevator unless one of you ran into one of the guys first. You unlocked the door and stepped into your room breathing a sigh of relief to see Dean was in fact not there but your phone went off with a text from him “Dammit we have looked everywhere for you two. Where did you get off to?” you rolled your eyes and sent back “I’m lost come find me” before laying the phone down to dig out different clothes.

You were pulling your boots on when you heard the door of the room open then shut followed by Dean calling your name. “In here!” you hollered and he poked his head around the door holding his phone up  “That has never been funny. Elizabeth told Benny where you were” “Snitch” you mumbled standing to grab your jacket. You could feel him watching you and cursed under your breath when he asked “What’s wrong?” you shrugged and tried to walk past him but he grabbed your arm “Come on darlin. I know that look something is up” you nodded “Yeah your ex is a fucking bitch and needs to be glad that we’re at a mutual friend’s wedding” “What did she do?” he asked dropping your arm like the mere touch had burnt “Everything from saying how good you’ve always looked in that one suit to asking me if I was screwing you when the two of you were together to sending her sister over to mine and Elizabeth’s table to give me her leftovers from breakfast followed up by reminding me I’m not your type” when you were met with silence you laughed humorlessly “I think I’ll get Benny to come grab my bags and just stay with Elizabeth the rest of the weekend. We can tell everyone we split and if need be I’ll pay their gas to swing through to take me home on their way” “You don’t have to do that” he offered but you’d already turned away so he wouldn’t see the tears in your eyes “Yeah. I do because this was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had” you grabbed your jacket and pushed past him out the room.

You nearly mowed over poor Benny who reached out to steady you “Woah there. Where you headed like that?” you figured might as well bite half the bullet at least “We just broke up will you bring my bags to Liz’s room?” he seemed more than a little confused but nodded “Want me to smack some sense into him?” you shook your head with a watery smile “It was bound to happen. I’m not really his type” then walked away from him to find Elizabeth.

------

You ended up dipping out of the snowmobile ride. You told Charity you were having a bit of motion sickness and bless her she’d gotten one of the staff to bring you some medicine.

You and Elizabeth had decided on one of the nature walks instead. “So what happened?” she asked and you shook your head “I told him what happened with Lisa. He didn’t respond” “I’m sorry honey” she replied pulling you into her side with one arm. You shrugged “Was bound to happen anyways”

When you finally pulled your phone out after the two of you had been wandering the trails for nearly two hours you had fifteen texts from Dean and even a few from Sam and Eileen wanting to know why their brother/brother in law was texting them to get them to text you to text him. Confusing huh?

“Maybe he’s sorry?” Elizabeth offered but you shook your head “I’m not holding him up. Who knows maybe Lisa is right. Maybe he does still want her” the words themselves felt like a hot knife twisting in your gut but you weren’t going to let it show. You could get through this and avoid Dean as much as possible until the sting went away. 

------

At dinner you told Elizabeth you weren’t feeling well but talked her into going to dinner well after you made her promise to not blow up at Dean, Lisa or Tabitha. You left her with Benny in hopes he would see that she kept that promise then headed up to her room.

When you opened the door Benny had laid your suitcase and smaller bag on the couch. You called room service to get some food and to see if you could get an extra pillow and blanket so you didn’t have to steal one off her bed.

By the time Elizabeth got up to the room you had already eaten and showered and was curled up on the couch watching a movie. She smiled at you the moment she walked in the door “He’s clearly upset” you sighed and patted the cushion next to you “You’re welcome to come watch Liz but I don’t wanna talk about Dean” she nodded “Fair enough” and kicked off her shoes to come join you.

------

“I fucked up man” Dean told Benny with a shake of his head. “You think? Man you’ve been telling me for how long how you feel about that girl then you what? Can’t even manage to say fuck her about your ex?” Dean shrugged because he honestly had no idea why he hadn’t said anything about it when you told him of the confrontations with Lisa. “How do I fix it?” he asked and Benny laughed “Beg? Then beg some more?” “You know what Benny? You’re such a help”

Lisa and Tabitha walked into the bar about that time and Benny bumped Dean’s arm forcing him to look up right before Lisa walked over to them. “Dean, I hear you got tired of Y/N already. Want a real woman again?” Benny rolled his eyes at her words then cut his eyes at Dean. As much as he liked him he liked you too and if Dean wouldn’t speak up on your behalf he damn sure was going to. “Real woman Lisa? You mean a liar, manipulator and cheater? Y/N has been one of my closest friends for as long as I can remember. When I needed her she was there, when Sammy, Bobby, Ellen hell anybody needed her she was there. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. She fights for those she cares about, she takes care of everyone she can. She’s strong but still soft and I love her” 

Benny’s eyes widened at Dean’s confession and Lisa looked like she swallowed a frog “You love that?” Dean stood off the stool at her words and smiled “Sweetheart there was never anyone but her”

------

You and Elizabeth were wandering around before the ceremony. You were dressed complete with flowers. The people loitering around the lobby looked like they belonged in one magazine or another at a newsstands. You spotted Alice and walked towards her with a smile “How’s Charity?” she laughed nervously “Scared?” “She’ll be fine. Your dad walking her?” she nodded so you added “Just tell him to have a good grip on her arm just in case and tell her to keep her head high. She’s beautiful and we’re all here for her” She smiled “Thanks Y/N” “Anytime”

Elizabeth had watched you talk to Alice and when you got back to her side she asked “How are you that good talking about your ex-fiance’s soon to be wife?” you shrugged “hindsight twenty twenty? Me and Micheal didn’t belong together. He just figured it out before I did” She nodded slightly “So who do you belong with?” 

You could feel your cheeks threaten to warm as you thought about Dean. The way he made you feel when you’d wake up next to him or how he always went out of his way to make you laugh. How he always took care of everyone around him but resisted when it came to allowing someone to take care of him because he still wasn’t used to it. You were in love with him and had now possibly lost even his friendship. “Who I want I can’t have” you finally said and she asked “Why not?” “He doesn’t want me” you replied but froze when you heard Dean’s voice behind you “Are you sure about that? Because really if a guy has a shot at you and doesn’t take it he needs his ass kicked”

You looked back at Elizabeth but she was grinning at Benny “Oh dear brother of mine! Let’s go check out those nifty little stands they have set up near the doors!” you watched the two of them disappear then looked back at Dean “I never should’ve asked you to pretend this weekend” he nodded then smiled “And I should’ve admitted the reason I agreed was to get to spend some time with you so maybe I could figure out if you feel the same way about me that I do about you. Me and Lisa we never would’ve worked for the same reason you and Micheal never would’ve worked. I found who I want to be with and it’s you” “Dean please tell me you aren’t screwing with me right now” you whispered grateful the two of you had moved to the edge of the room where no one could overhear. “I’ve never been more serious about anything” you patted at the tears threatening to spill from your eyes “Christ I’m glad Liz had waterproof mascara” he bit back a laugh and motioned to your face “Those good tears?” you nodded “If you’re serious come kiss me Winchester” a smirk slipped onto his face “Don’t have to tell me twice” 

@brilovesdeanwinchester @akshi8278 @bolontiku

@girl-next-door-writes

[robinrunsfiction]

Happy Birthday

Pairing: Gerard Way x Female Reader Rating: General Requested By: None Word Count: ~900 Author’s Note: There are 3 hours and 15 minutes left of Gerard's birthday weekend (from where I'm sitting) so I'm not counting this as late 😅

As you walked into your apartment building after work one night, you noticed something on the floor in front of the mailboxes. When you got closer you realized it was someone's wallet. You hoped it was one of your neighbors, and not some poor postal or delivery person that you'd have to track down. Picking it up, you flipped it open to see who it might belong to, and staring back at you was your neighbor from across the hall, Gerard.

A smile formed on your lips involuntarily as soon as you saw his photo on his drivers license. How was it possible that he always managed to be so cute? Then your nosey nature got the better of you. Sliding the ID out further, you glanced over his personal details; hazel eyes, oh you were aware, 5'9" seemed about right. His birthday was April 9th, that made him an aries, and wait! April 9th was in a few days! That’s when an idea sprung to mind.

Gathering your mail from the mailbox, you headed up the stairs and first stopped at Gerard's door.

"Hey (YN)," he smiled when he opened it.

"Hey Gerard. I found your wallet by the mailboxes. I didn't steal your credit card number or anything, I just checked the ID and saw it was yours," you laughed nervously.

"Wow, thank you!" He replied, taking it from you. "I gotta be more careful."

"No problem," you smiled, but then an awkward silence lingered between you. “So yea, I’ll see ya around.”

“Oh, yea, see ya,” he said a little reluctantly, as if there was something else he wanted to say. You turned back to your door, but glanced back over your shoulder at him. He was still in his doorway and gave you a small wave, which you returned before walking through your door.

~

It was April 8th and you were putting the finishing touches on the cake you’d baked for Gerard. You had no idea if he preferred chocolate or vanilla, so you'd settled on a box of funfetti cake mix while at the grocery store. You crossed the hall, cake in hand and hoped that he would be home when you knocked. Luckily a moment later he opened the door with a smile.

“Hey (YN), what’s up?”

You awkwardly held up the cake and his face lit up. “When I found your wallet, I saw your birthday and I know it’s tomorrow not today, but I didn’t know if you’d be out tomorrow and I just wanted to do something nice,” you rambled.

“Thank you, that’s so nice! Do you wanna come in and have a slice?” He offered, opening the door further.

“Sure,” you nodded following him in. You’d popped into his apartment before, and talked in the hallway when you ran into each other, but you hadn’t really hung out before. You took in the space; it seemed like there were comics and notebooks everywhere, and the smell of coffee filled the air, along with the scent of cigarettes that always clung to his clothes.

“Coffee?” He asked as he cut the cake.

“Sure! So do you have any plans for your birthday?"

Gerard shook his head. "My brother usually drags me out to celebrate, but he's outta town, so I'm not gonna do anything."

"Well then I'm glad I could help you celebrate even a little," you said following him back to the living room, cake and coffee in hand.

"I appreciate it. Oh sorry, let me clear that off," he said, picking up a stack of sketches and notebooks from the coffee table. "I was working on some stuff."

"Songs or comics?"

"A little of both," he laughed lightly. "Umm, do you wanna watch a movie or something?”

“Sounds good,” you answered as you settled in on the couch as Gerard started looking through his collection.

“How about Back to the Future?” He suggested.

“One of my favorites!” You nodded.

The benefit of it being a movie you’d seen countless times was you and Gerard didn’t feel the need to pay too close of attention and could keep talking as it played in the background. You weren’t even aware of how long you’d been at Gerard’s apartment, you were only vaguely aware of the DVD menu running on repeat in the background after the movie had finished. A yawn eventually escaped your lips and you glanced at your watch.

“Wow, I didn’t realize it has gotten so late, but let me be the first to officially wish you happy birthday Gerard,” you smiled.

Gerard smiled back bashfully. “Thanks (YN). And thanks for hanging out tonight and for the cake and everything. It’s probably been the best birthday celebration I’ve had in a long time.”

“Because you didn’t get dragged to a party you didn’t want to go to?” You laughed.

“Because I got to spend it with you,” he replied.

“Oh,” you gasped.

“(YN), do you wanna go out sometime? Don’t feel like you have to say yes because it’s my birthd-”

“Yes,” you interrupted. “I would love to!”

Gerard grinned and laughed lightly. “I’ve been trying to work up the courage to do that for a while.”

“I’m glad you did,” you smiled back. “I should get going though, it is really late.”

“Thanks again for everything,” he said getting up as you made your way to the door.

“Happy birthday,” you replied before leaning in and placing a kiss on his cheek, leaving him blushing in his doorway.