#i had no idea how much pain i’d been in for so many years until i stopped wearing them and the pain vanished completely

[wosoimagines]

Disappointment

part 8 of rivals

Jo has to deal with the disappointment of an injury.

3,295 words

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I grinned as I waved to my teammates who were sitting up in the stands. I knew that many of them would be here, but I hadn’t expected them all to show. Many of them waved back to me. 

It had been extremely lucky that the finals for our State Championship game was in the middle of the week. I knew that if it had been at the end of the week then none of my national teammates would have been able to make it.  

Even some of the retired players had shown. 

Jill being in the stands hadn’t been too surprising either. I had only started playing again during the State Tournament. I appreciated that she waited until now to come to watch me playing. It allowed me to get my bearings especially as I had only been called up as a training player during April for the team to get an idea of where I was with my recovery. 

I tried not to let her eyes being glued onto me get to me too much. But it was hard. 

Especially with the way my knee decided today of all days it was going to ache. I knew I should have just cautioned myself and sat out the game, but this was finally my shot at a State Championship. It was the first time I had finally made it this far into the tournament. If I didn’t this year, then I would only have one more year before I was headed to college. 

Maybe that’s why I had decided to risk playing today even though I should have rested with the Olympics right around the corner. I was a lock for the Olympics roster after all, so long as I was healthy.  

Healthy being the keyword. 

I just had to prove that I was healthy enough to get through the Olympics and then I could rest before my school season started up again next year. I was sure that Jill would give me the time off. Especially if I proved to be as big of a part of the Olympic game plan as Jill wanted me to be. It’d give me plenty of time to heal up my knee the rest of the way before we went into the new year. 

But I tried to shake my head clear of the thoughts and the nerves that came with the eyes on me. 

It wasn’t just Jill being here that had pressure on me. Most of my family had come out to watch. It was the first time this season that they had come to one of my school games. But I knew the main story that was following this game. How I was supposed to lead my team to the championship. I was the only one who would be on the field who had even had the chance to play with the national team. 

It was all anyone had been talking about. How could we lose? Plus, with my history with Jennifer? The fact that we were playing Lawson High meant we should have the game in the bag already. They had been one of the lowest seeds in the tournament. They shouldn’t have even made it this far.  

This wasn’t like the World Cup. Here I was the leader. Here I was the star. Here I was the one who was expected to get the win for my team. 

Maybe it’s what made the pain worse. Maybe my knee could hold my own weight, but the added pressure was what made it crumble. 

Because one second, I was planting my right foot to take a shot with my weak foot, and the next I was face planting into the turf.  

You know how people say pain is all in your head? Well, they’re liars. Because of all this added pressure that made my knee crumble, that pain was now etched itself into every bit of my body. I had to muffle the scream just to give myself hope at saving my spot at the Olympics, but I wasn’t sure that this pain was going to be something I could ignore this time. 

I wasn’t surprised by the quickness of our athletic trainers. The questions were quick to start. The same questions I had been asked nearly two months ago. 

I was honest with them like I was last time. This time I hadn’t heard or felt a pop, but I didn’t think I’d even try to walk off with this pain.  

I didn’t. 

I was helped to the locker room as I was kept off my right knee. I had briefly heard my coach talking about moving me from the starting line up to the bench in case I would be able to play after my knee was looked over. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he should completely change the game plan now. 

Everything started to just mesh together as the trainers checked over my knee. I didn’t even really register the trainers reaching out to schedule an MRI for me tomorrow or as they got a brace fitted onto my knee. I was mostly left alone as I tried to really get a grasp on what all of this meant. 

I hadn’t been surprised by the student trainer who had been left with me, but I wasn’t even sure who it was until I snapped out of my haze. I knew that I could go and sit on the bench to watch the match. I hoped that my team would win, but I had no idea what kind of mindset they could possibly be in after knowing that I already had one knee scare just months ago and now I wasn’t coming back out to play. 

I wondered how long it would take. For the team to forget about me. It seemed to always happen. Even with my own family. I had often been forgotten. 

“Turn it off.” 

I lifted my eyes just enough to meet Catherine’s. 

“The light. Turn it off and leave.” 

Catherine hesitated. 

“Go!” 

I didn’t miss how Catherine jumped, even as I looked away from her. 

But it was enough because the room went dark, and the door shut. After all, I’d have to get used to this feeling soon enough. Being completely by myself. 

They’d get someone else near my age to take my spot. Mallory Pugh. She seemed likely to fill my role. Mal had been seeing call ups ever since the beginning of the year. 

Maybe she wouldn’t take my playing time just yet, but as the team’s baby. Becky and Alyssa could decide they like her more. See more potential in her. Jill probably would as well. Who wants someone who’s broken on the team? 

The United States Women’s National Team was meant to be the best in the world, not for broken athletes. Ultimately that’s what I was now. 

I hadn’t even picked a school to commit to. There was no telling how few would want me now. Scholarships, especially for soccer, were few and no one would want to waste one on a player who had a major injury and might never be the same again. 

I’d be lucky if Stanford or UNC or UCLA would even still want me. Not with all the players that they recruited. I’d be even more replaceable with– 

The lights flicked back on. The clacking of cleats against the floor was a familiar one. It was what really pulled me from my thoughts as my eyes landed on my teammates who were quickly filing into the locker room. I didn’t pay much attention to our coach who was giving the halftime speech, but rather the excited looks that my teammates were sharing. 

“Don’t worry, Jo,” Isabella said as she patted my shoulder when she walked by me. “We’ll get the championship for you.” 

I furrowed my brow in confusion as I watched the rest of the team head back out. I knew that I should go out to support them. It would be expected of me after all. 

I was moved as quickly as I could to change my jersey out to the shirt I had worn to the game today. Once I had finished that, I used the crutches to get out to the field. Catherine was the one to meet me at the end of the tunnel.  

The second half hadn’t started just yet. So, I was greeted with claps and cheers. 

But I didn’t deserve them. There was nothing impressive about hobbling out on crutches. Especially to face the fact that my team was down without me. 

Except they weren’t. 

We were up 2-1. 

I furrowed my brow as I moved to sit on the bench. 

“What happened?” 

I wasn’t even asking anyone in particular. Just in general to the others who were sitting on the bench with me. 

“They opened the scoring, but we’ve been dominating since,” Ellie said. I furrowed my brow. We were the powerhouse we were because of me. Right? “Don’t worry. Jennifer hasn’t done anything this game.” 

That wasn’t what I was worried about. 

If my high school team, who was supposedly only a powerhouse because of me, could win a State Championship without me, then what use would Jill ever have for me again? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“Finally got revenge, huh?” Pinoe grinned at me from across the table. It took everything in me to not sink down in my seat. “Bet the only thing to make it sweeter is if you had been able to be on the field today.” 

I didn’t say anything, but I did nod. I didn’t want to alarm my teammates either. They all had enough to worry about without me knowing that they would forget me after long. 

“What are they thinking?” I raised my eyes to meet Alyssa who was sitting across from me. “About your knee. What did the athletic trainers think?” 

“They’re not sure,” I shrugged. “I didn’t hear a pop this time so they’re not sure if I just sprained it. They set up an MRI for me first thing tomorrow.” 

“Are your parents going to go with you?” Becky asked. I shook my head. “Lys and I will take you.” 

Maybe they wouldn’t forget me after all then? Or maybe Becky just wanted to go with so that she could let the coaching staff know how it went. It wasn’t like this MRI would be rushed though. I’d have to wait a week for the results. 

“How bad do you think it is?” 

I deflated in my seat a bit. No one had asked me just yet what I thought about the injury. Sure, I had been asked about the pain and what was the worst, but not what I thought it could be. 

“I don’t think I’ll be going to the Olympics.” 

The whole table went quiet at the admission. I turned my gaze to my plate which still had a piece of pizza on it. I didn’t want to meet anyone’s eyes. 

“Then you’ll get your rest and you’ll be back with us for the Victory Tour after the Olympics,” Kelley said. 

I shook my head at that. I didn’t think that this was going to go away. 

“I don’t think it’s gonna be that easy.” 

The team stayed quiet at that as well. I still refused to meet anyone’s eyes. I knew that these Olympics were meant to be an ushering of a new era. 

“Then we’ll get through it,” Becky said, resting her hand on my thigh. “And when you’re finally cleared to play, we’ll be right here to help you get back to the team.” 

I wasn’t even sure what this team would look like when I was able to come back. We were trying to move forward, so the vets I knew now would be retired and the players in their prime would be the vets. There was no telling what our younger core would look like. More so, there was no telling if I would even be a part of that younger core. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“You guys didn’t have to come with me, you know?” 

Becky and Alyssa both glanced at each other before turning back to me. 

“You deserve to have someone here with you,” Alyssa said softly. 

It was weird. My parents hadn’t come to these kinds of appointments with me since I was able to start driving on my own. But then again, none of my appointments had the possibility of being so serious. 

Maybe they already knew the results of my scans. Maybe it wasn’t actually as bad as I thought. 

My head turned from the two older players when the door opened. 

“Hey, Jo.” 

“Hey, Lance,” I sent the man a small smile. I wasn’t too surprised that he would be the doctor handling my case. “Becky, Alyssa, this is Lance Beck. He’s friends with my older brother, Angus.” 

“We went to high school together,” Lance said. Neither Becky or Alyssa really looked surprised to find that out. “So, your knee.” 

“Yeah.” 

“How long are we looking at her being out?” Becky asked.  I didn’t bother to look at her over my shoulder, but Lance did. “And is it her ACL?” 

“It is,” Lance slowly nodded. He turned his gaze back to me. “I am curious to know how you’ve been playing on it. There’s quite a bit of damage to your ACL. I’d wager you tore it a while back.” 

I lowered my head. I tore it during the CONCACAF Tournament then. 

“Back in February,” Becky spoke up.  

“Have you had trouble walking on it?” Lance asked. I didn’t answer as I knew how upset Becky and Alyssa would be with me. “Jo?” 

“I mean, it hurt, but I just thought I needed to rest it. I figured it’d be fine. We’ve all had days where we couldn’t walk on a knee. It comes with being an athlete at our level.” 

The room went completely silent at that. 

“You’ve had days where you couldn’t walk on it?” Becky was next to me in an instant. I didn’t get the choice to look away from her as her hand rested on my cheek and kept my head facing her. “Jo, be honest. What do you mean you’ve had days where you couldn’t walk on it?” 

I sighed as my eyes flicked to where Alyssa was standing behind Becky now. 

“There have been times where it just... crumbled out from under me,” I shrugged. I wasn’t entirely sure how to describe it. “Sometimes I plant it wrong, other times it’s just like my knee can’t hold up any weight at all. I can’t put any kind of weight on it for at least a day.” 

“How often has this been happening?” 

I was able to move my head just enough to look at Lance. I gave him a small shrug. 

“It hasn’t happened since last camp.” 

“It happened at camp?” 

My eyes darted back to Alyssa. I tried to shrink back, but with Becky’s hand still on my cheek I wasn’t able to. I knew Alyssa wouldn’t be happy about that since it had been the first time I roomed with her. 

“Jo, did your knee give out on you while you were at camp?” Alyssa asked. 

I hesitated but nodded after a moment. 

“It was on an off day. I didn’t want anyone to worry,” I rushed to get out as Alyssa ran a hand through her hair. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. The scans had come back clear, and the Olympics are this year. Jill wants to move to a newer era and get me more involved. I didn’t want to risk that.” 

“Okay,” Lance said as he stood up. Becky looked at him before letting go of me. Lance took a few steps to move in front of me. “I understand why you didn’t tell anyone, Jo, but you could have made your injury a lot worse. If you want to play professionally, you’re going to have to learn to talk whenever something feels off or there’s pain. You could have ended up with a chronic ACL deficiency and I wouldn’t be able to fully fix that.” 

“So, what are the next steps?” 

Lance glanced to Alyssa over his shoulder. When Lance turned back to me, he gave me a small smile before patting my leg just above my good knee.  

“We’re gonna get Jo fixed up. I’m pretty confident that we’ll only need one surgery to fix her ACL,” Lance finally said. I sighed as I rubbed the back of my neck. “After that, you’ll rest for a week and come see me. We’ll get an idea about the kind of pain you’re still in and then decide if you need another week of rest or if we can begin rehab. The PTs will stay in contact with me, and we’ll decide if you might need another surgery or not. So, please, Jo, be honest with them about the pain you’re in.” 

“What happens if I need a second surgery?” 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” 

“We can schedule the surgery today?” Becky asked. Lance looked over his shoulder at her. “Even without her parents here?” 

Lance nodded. 

“Scheduling it won’t matter. I’ll let your parents know that at least one of them needs to be there. Just stay off your knee until then.” 

“We’ll schedule it,” Alyssa said as she stepped forward. “And then we’re gonna have a serious talk with Jo about telling people when you’re injured.” 

I just followed the two through the office before we stopped at the desk to check out. I didn’t pay much attention to when the surgery was being set up other than agreeing to the earliest time as possible. 

Neither of them said anything as we made our way to the car. It wasn’t even until we were all inside and buckled up. 

“Are you seri–” 

“Why do you care?” I cut Becky off. She turned to look at me with her eyebrows raised. “Give it a few weeks and no one will. Not parents. Not my siblings. Not Jill. And I’m sure you two will follow suit. That’s how it’s always been.” 

The two stayed silent. 

“Everyone eventually stops caring, so just go ahead and stop pretending. It’ll be easier on me if we just stop now.” 

“You really think we don’t care?” Alyssa turned to look back at me this time. “Jo, if we didn’t care, we wouldn’t have come with you to the MRI scan. We wouldn’t be here today. We came to support you. Because you shouldn’t be alone to get those kinds of results.” 

“So, you could tell Jill,” I cut in. Alyssa sighed as she shook her head. “You know I’m right. You’ll drop me off at home and then Becky’s going to call Jill to let her know.” 

“I’m going to call Jill to tell her so that you don’t have to. Would you rather have to do that yourself? Tell her you can’t go to the Olympics? Or I can do it for you.” 

I huffed but looked away from Becky. 

“Jo, we both care about you. That’s not going to change. We might not be able to be here for you all the time, but we’ll check in. We’ll call. That won’t change,” Becky said. I didn’t look at her, even when she put her hand on my knee. “Jo, you might not believe, but we do care. We’ll both be here for the surgery, and, after that, we’ll call at least every week, if not more.” 

I scoffed at that. I was sure that they would. 

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Happy Birthday David Dastmalchian 🎂🎉🎁🎈

To celebrate, I'm stealing borrowing from my friend's @polkadotjohnson amazing idea of making a Top 10 Loved/Hottest roles of his, with an honourable mention for both~ Here's 30 of my most adored characters of his with little snippets for each, it's a looooong read, and if anyone else wants to make their own, here's a tierlist I made for this exact purpose 💗💗💗

10.

💘 Love of my Life - Dr Fearless

My cringefail boyfriend, I love every single headcanon I hear about him. He was so damn cute even before I fell in love, and now every time I see him I start giggling and kicking my feet lol 😚 I adore how much fun DD has with him, and honestly I’m gunna dress as a vampire for Halloween this year /)w(\ been like 20+ years but I really really wanna do it!

🔥 Hottest Role - Whistling Marauder (Bird Box)

Mother of mercy. We rewatched the whole movie just for him, so naturally he shows up near the end and then died ;w; but that outfit, holy hell. Oh my god. I’m such a sucker for bad boys and this guy is going around forcing people to stare at this eldrich being that’ll destroy you or drive you mad. And he looks goddamn great while doing it. Gunna attach myself to the chain on his jeans. Okay I’m normal again, what a way to start off the list lmao

❣️ Honourable Mention - Luke (Singled Out)

Douchebag. Shitty brother who’s also great if only to save his own ass. Thief. Pure idiot. Irresistible. I knew the moment I saw the clips on youtube that he would so be my type, and seeing the full pilot only proved that. Dude picked a burger over getting his sister, he would treat me so wrong half the time, but then he’d make me waffles and it’d be all better 😊

9.

💘 Love of my Life - The Writer (Making Love)

This one breaks my heart so much. I’ve been in a relationship like this before, and I really want to save him from his. He’s beautiful, he’s talented, his outfit is hot as hell with all the rings and bracelets and necklaces, not to mention the undone shirt buttons, he’s got the emo bangs, he is the complete package for me. The only reason he isn’t higher is because I fell for many others first. I almost never watched this one because my brain was going haywire trying to imagine what kinda scenes I’d find in something with a title like that, and sure enough my face was so red the entire time since I watched with headphones and it starts with him whispering right in my ear, like him asking, ‘Do you love me?’ nearly made me cry, I love him so much. If I could bring specifically him to life I would love the hell outta him until he stopped needing such a painful, self-destructive fake love with the Woman QwQ

❣️ Honourable Mention - Nick (Love is an Elevator)

This one is just a silly little guy /)w(\ right from the start he’s so adorable, I would melt if anything even close to his interaction happened to me, and him just swooning and saying she was beautiful before bailing in tears is so me-coded TwT I would love to go out on a date with him!

🔥 Hottest Role - Abra Kadabra (The Flash)

Abra was so tricky to place because I love him, but as soon as I remembered his buckle outfit from his second episode I knew he had to go under Hot. Like, again, I’m so weak. I love his attitude, I love how he just wants that applause for his showmanship, his ‘powers’ are cool as hell, and DD has the wand in his home now and I think that’s so damn cool 😊 The reveal with him wanting to bring back his alternate timeline family was so sweet I almost cried, and he definitely didn’t deserve to be killed out so instantly right after his redemption. Not even a fan/watcher of the show, but in my head I’m having Flash warn him about it since he’s from the future, so he’s fine now 😌

8.

💘 Love of my Life - James Lewis (Teacher)

James was also incredibly difficult to place because I love him so much ;w; The entire movie I was rooting for him, guy did nothing wrong in the face of what was going on around him, and granted he did take things too far, but… villains are hot 😳 so I won through that entire movie. And he lived! And kept getting to teach! I remember I pointed at the screen when he was putting books away cause that’s my job lol I felt truly close to him in that short moment 😂 Anyway, Arabella didn’t deserve him, like she wasn't into it from the moment they met, every single time he talked she would do this 😬 guy was going through hell and was very clearly in a bad place all around, I can’t fault him for drunkenly saying the wrong thing if it were me, even if it did really hurt me. Gunna give him a new wedding ring to put on when he gets outta prison.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Hector (Premature)

He’s so cute!!! I may be weak for villains, but I adore his sweeter roles as well, I’m so glad I got to see him. If I moved to a new city and he was my neighbour I’d know I’d be okay, because honestly he needs to be my roommate like yesterday. A chef who’s afraid to cook because of OCD, I’m sure he’d be able to help me with my own cooking from a safe distance, and I already have some practice as my sibling has OCD and is very strict about how her food is handled, so I’ll have come full circle. I just need to make him more okay with cuddles first…

🔥 Hottest Role - Denham (A Killer of Men)

Denham was another one that was hard to place, because that axe twirls makes me insane, but with what little screentime he gets it all evens out. Another great villain, he’s just senseless violence in a bloody wedding dress and he works it. Love the look, love the vibe, if the world ended and the whole gang was coming at me I’d be honoured if he was the one who got me (I swear I’m not that deranged lmao just thirsty)

7.

💘 Love of my Life - Simon Lynch (Almost Human)

Even now I feel like Simon should be higher, especially since I’ve written my fic about him as well as my deep dive. I’ve said it before but my heart really went out to him, the deep dive says way more than I can fit it here, which probably means he should be higher lol so give that (and maybe the fic too 👉👈😌) a read if you haven’t already, all my love for him went into both.

❣️ Honourable Mention - James Harris (The Employer)

Another adorable character, the bar flashbacks had me blushing every time. We all knew it’d be him, but I’m so glad he pulled through at the end. I want this one to be happy, especially after everything he went through. Absolutely cutiepie, gunna be the one to pay for his dinner after he gets home 😊

🔥 Hottest Role - Dwight Pollard (Gotham)

Since I go into all of his roles blind, I had no idea what to expect for this one, but from the start I was hooked. Having him be a crazed cult leader with the biggest, most feral smile and laugh ever stole my heart the things I would let this man do to me sakndskjds I liveblogged his eps to a friend of mine who’s seen Gotham and has been trying to get me to watch it for ages cause I love DC, so she was thrilled as I sat here screaming about everything leading up to his ending :’D I’ve gotten some encouragement to write him, so when I do it’s gunna be so insane I’ll have to tag the hell outta it lmao (btw making these gifs nearly killed me oh my god I need him)

6.

💘 Love of my Life - Joshua Whitmore (Cass)

All the pain I went through trying to get this movie was worth it because it all led to him. I love him, I adore him, I’m so incredibly glad that so many others got to see him and love him too thanks to my trials and tribulations. DD’s only artist role, I got to connect with him on a personal level not shared with the others, and my desire to make sure he’s safe and taken care of is so strong that I wrote 26k about him, they’re two of my most favourite things I’ve ever written. I’ve thrown the ending of the movie out and completely placed it with my own, which can be found in my fics, and until Hugh Schulze DMs me personally and tells me what his vision was, that’s what I’m sticking with forever. So rest easy, he’s free from New York and buyers and dealers and the street and he’s safe and happy and painting again ;w;

❣️ Honourable Mention - Thomas Schiff (The Dark Knight)

The OG, a lot of people’s first roles of his, including mine. I remember seeing this movie in theaters when it came out so that means I saw him up there, on the big screen, and something about him stuck around in my brain until I finally realized my love QwQ Even if he isn’t as fleshed out in my mind to make the actual list, I still needed to include him in some way, I hope he got placed somewhere that wasn't Arkham after Batman stepped in.

🔥 Hottest Role - Cam (Relaxer)

I will never watch Relaxer again. Couldn’t even do it while I was making his scenepack cause so many horrible things happen to Abbie I couldn’t take it. But Cam, oh my god, I need this man. Someday I wanna write this huge fic about the reader trying to date him, and there’s no redemption. He’s still terrible at the end. But that’s what we all love about him, how shitty he is and how the potential is there for him to make us all worse. He sucks, but in the best way, and I kinda need him to maybe bully me please 😳 (making that first gif nearly made me blackout why is he doing pushups)

5.

💘 Love of my Life - Bob Taylor (Prisoners)

When I started adding names to my list of men I loved, Bob wasn't even on it at first I think, despite liking him in the movie. Then I saw more with him and added him to crushes. Now I’m fully in love with him, and he breaks my heart every single day. He was hurting for so long, even when we were watching I couldn’t place the blame on him while the rest of my family were convinced just like Loki that he was the one, but no matter what I couldn’t. The second I saw his sweet smile I told them there was no way it was him, and sure enough I was right. Another character who didn’t deserve what happened to him, I’ve been slowly helping him with my headcanons, but in my personal queue I have a fic planned for him and he will have no more sad days when I do 😭 I also have a bunny plush I’d had for years, my dad bought it for me and it’s been sitting on my bed ever since, and when I’m sad I hold it and pretend Bob gave it to me, it’s honestly got me through some much needed therapy because if he could go about his day with that kind of trauma then I could be brave and call about my own mental health :’)

❣️ Honourable Mention - Lonny Crane (The Belko Experiment)

This one’s a bit of a double whammy, cause I love him, but the switch to violence had me staring 👀 Either way, he didn’t deserve his death, but since it is a killing game type movie he was doomed from the start, at least his seemed instant 🥺 Someday I’ll write a fixit for him too, it was just too much for him back to back to back, he really didn’t deserve his final moments to have him as a villain even though I would really love to be lifted up like that aklskjdskds okay I’m normal again

🔥 Hottest Role - Ray Watkins (The Rookie)

Have you seen this man? No really, have you seen him? The twirl, the shirt lifting on his hips, the cold but also fun villainy, the nonchalance to mask the cruelness underneath. I need him. This one is not a Want, he is a Need and I need him. I hope that he gets to come back in the future to fully wrap up his plot along with the cop’s plot, pleasepleaseplease, otherwise I will die unsatisfied.

4.

💘 Love of my Life - Kurt Goreshter (Ant-Man 1-2)

I believe he might’ve been the second role I’d ever seen, but only after I really got into the MCU after Endgame. I skipped Ant-Man in my original watches, since I was mostly just into the Avengers and Cap (mainly Bucky lol) in general, but when I finally did a full marathon I really enjoyed the first movie. Cannot remember my feelings for him now since it’s been about 4 years, but I do know when I went back to rewatch in March I fell the second I saw him 🥰 the hair, the accent, the outfit AGAIN, and those hand tattoos, this is another Perfect Man. My crush on him is incredibly strong, it told me that yeah I was really starting to fall for DD (at that point I’d just seen Demeter a few times, and then Oppenheimer on accident) and it officially kicked off my marathon that eventually led me to my collection I have today. 

❣️ Honourable Mention - Lester Billings (The Boogeyman)

My family actually watched this without me way before my crush began, so when I saw he was in it I just had to finally sit down and watch it myself. Cue me hurriedly typing to my sibling when he showed up lol this man is SAD! He’s so beautiful and sad, I just wanna make a new family with him (I would be a parent for him, that’s the extent of my love) so he can be happy again. I love the backstory I made up for him way more than the original story, sorry Stephen King but you made him awful and I don’t want that one. I’m gunna save this man and he WILL smile again, that’s a Ray Guarantee.

🔥 Hottest Role - The Vampire (Cora)

Now, to start, this one falls prey to Very Bad Writing Choices. I will not deny that. Like, even with the allegory of the whole thing (that I did not see cause I just saw a short vampire story honestly) it's very much Not Good. But that’s why I’m removing him from the short and keeping him. In fact, go read polkadotjohnson’s fics on him, they’re fantastic and I adore how she wrote him. I someday wish to do my own, because otherwise everyone who can’t look past the Very Bad Writing Choices are getting straight up robbed of this one. Those double fangs need to introduce themselves to my neck pronto, you see what I’m saying? He’s so goddamn hot, DD needs to play a very serious vampire role again so everyone can see the Vision, he wants to do it, I need to win the lottery so I can fund this movie myself, that’s my new life’s goal.

3.

💘 Love of my Life - Jack Delroy (Late Night With the Devil)

The first movie I saw in theaters after my crush began! My friend saw him in a tweet about it and linked me to it so I thought it was already out, but I ended up having to wait two weeks and it nearly killed me ;w; I went in completely blind, which is good cause the trailer spoils so many great shots unfortunately, and the entire time I was swooning. Like, I usually whisper to my sibling during movies if we have comments, we’re very talkative at home when we watch stuff, but this time I was just sitting there staring with hearts in my eyes without pause. I’m in love with this man, plain and simple, I’m so glad I was able to get to see it since it didn’t come to the theater closest, we had to drive an hour away and when dad joked about me paying for the tickets since I was the one who wanted to see it, I did in a heartbeat. I wanted to see it again, but it was only there a couple weeks, so by the time I was able to go it was gone and I’m still upset about it. I’d sell my soul for this man, I love writing for him so much, I’m so glad my crush on Wojchek bloomed just in time for me to see this.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Hank (Virgin Alexander)

I avoided this one at first because the trailer was making me cringe and I was going crazy over what kinda sexy awkward role he’d have in it, but I was pleasantly surprised in the end. I think the movie is actually cute, despite some stuff still making me cringe, and Hank is literally the most perfect boyfriend. If he showed up randomly in my life I would date him in a second, hands down. He’s so shaped like a friend, I know I’d always have fun with him even when we’re not Having Fun, and that’s all you can ever ask for in a relationship 😊

🔥 Hottest Role - Breck Montanari (Double Black)

Okay first of all I gave him that last name. Second of all, I wrote 70k about this man and I am so in love with him that I own him now. I’ve taken him from Sara Woomer, he’s mine now. He has a full past, gave him a future and a partner, there’s no way I couldn’t have fallen in love with him. Unfortunately that fic will never be shared as it’s private, but know that, again, until Sara Woomer DMs me personally and shares everything else about this world, this is my new canon for him. And the cult. And the entire area where he lives. And several of the members. And the new Double Black who was such a chill dude that I made my bff love him too. This is my secret legacy. He only lost out to my #2 because there’s no way he couldn’t be my #2.

2.

💘 Love of my Life - Wojchek (The Last Voyage of the Demeter)

The reason I finally learned his name QwQ I went into this movie blind, dad really wanted to see it and I love horror so I went with him, and the second I saw him I said, ‘Oh that guy! I know that guy!’ since by then I’d seen Kurt and Abner a few years earlier and vaguely remembered him. I spent the whole movie then dreading his end thanks to the opening lines, and I’m pretty sure I quietly yelled at the screen when he fell and then got got after praying he’d be okay TwT After Abner, he’s the first DD role I ever shipped with, and when my crush officially restarted I ended up writing my entire plot for him and Addy that night before bed. I love him so much, he’s my jolly sailor bold who stole my heart by crying over the thought of having to lose his home. He’ll forever own a special place in my heart because of all this, I can’t imagine anyone else taking this spot.

🔥 Hottest Role - Murdoc (MacGyver 2016)

Murdoc was the first TV role of his I checked out after I saw as many movies as I could that interested me (mostly all the ones on Prime sans a couple, my collection was very very small by then) and the moment I saw him be mentioned I was ready to go. The Alice in Wonderland vague text, running and then getting shocked before falling two floors, showing up with that hair, I was not prepared for everything else they were about to throw at me. Murdoc is one of my most favourite characters now, he’s so much fun, I adore everything about him, I’ve only edited with him twice and written him once, but I need to do both so much more! This one is hot as fuck, he’s adorable, he loves his son, he’s got tools, he’s utterly sadistic, he’s a silly little guy. This is another Perfect Man, I cannot wait to decide on his plot with Addy because there’s too many fun possibilities I honestly might just make multiple.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Willy Cunningham (The Domestics)

Now… you might all be thinking… why the hell is this guy a #2 honourable mention in the face of all the others… and the answer is… I’m a freak 😀 I’ll never say, but my eyes were opened to him, and my god, I will literally never be the same. I just need him and that insanely feral energy okay, lemme have this.

1.

💘 Love of my Life - Abner Krill (The Suicide Squad)

The love that started it all, I think I fell for him the moment he walked outta his cell and got teased. The love I feel for him goes so deep, it only compares to one other, and whenever I work on my plot for him and Addy I always get choked up. The ultimate one who didn’t deserve what he got, I actually refused to watch the movie again after he died, straight up did not watch until my marathon started, and as soon as I saw him in that cell it all came back. I instantly fell back in love with him, and thus his Addy plot has the most love put into it to make sure he’s happy and safe. I thought that maybe there’d be another to win my heart as my marathon grew, but nope he’s still there sharing it with my other #1, and seeing him can instantly bring a smile to my face no matter how I’m feeling. 

After the movie I read the trivia again and my crush on DD himself began, so it’s all thanks to him and Wojchek that I’ve met the people I know today and have created so many things in such a short time. When I hit my lowest low in years I just sat at my desk and held the funko I have of him and just cried it all out, and it honestly helped me get out of that spiral. Thanks to him I now have a Polka-Dot Man collection (still missing one figure and maybe a signed print and poster 👉👈🥰) and if I could get a plushie of him to join the ton I already have I’d buy him in a second. Maybe someday, if I have any courage, I’ll bring my funko or something to a con where DD is attending and get it signed, either him or my other #1, and I’ll cherish it forever.

❣️ Honourable Mention - Jude (Animals)

Like all the others, I went into this movie completely blind. I didn’t know DD wrote it or its significance to him until after it was over and the credits rolled. So the entire time I was watching I was falling in love with him, he was so incredibly my type in the moments he was actually happy that it’s insane, I spent the whole movie just saying how much I would date him in better circumstances. We were sadly betting which one of them was going to die as things just got worse, me and my sibling were watching so miserably, and then we were rewarded with a happy ending despite the bittersweetness. And then the credits rolled, after me repeatedly wondering why he’d accept a role like this after knowing at least about his addiction and it all fell into place. I haven’t been able to watch again so far now that I know a lot of what happened to Jude also happened to him, it breaks my heart too much, but I still love him deep down and I hope he was also able to heal after the credits rolled.

🔥 Hottest Role - Johnson (Reprisal)

Tied for first with Abner as the ultimate love of my life and claiming this one all to himself, Johnson is the Most Perfect Man. Literally, no other DD role can top him in my heart aside from Abner. I honestly almost skipped Reprisal entirely because the promo image on his imdb didn’t grab me (I’m such a fake fan I’m so ashamed of myself), but when I was done with everything else and wanted to see more, I downloaded it without ep9 since he wasn't in it, and started watching. What followed next was me falling so in love with the show that I spent forever trying to get that missing episode back from near dead torrents cause I needed to watch it even though he wasn't in it. Reprisal is my Roman Empire, I am constantly thinking about it and him and Matty, not just for my fic but just because I love it all so fucking much. 

Johnson himself is so fascinating, I’m incredibly in love with him and everything about him, he’s unlike any other role DD has played that there’s a complete disconnect in my mind, he’s just Johnson. He’s so goddamn hot I missed out on literally everything the first round because I was watching him so hard, Matty and Ethan were nonexistent to me and I’m madly in love with Matty now so let that sink in, and when I rewatched it immediately after with my parents it was like I was watching for the first time. I’m loving writing for him (and Matty and Ethan of course) so much that my thoughts go back to him daily, and it almost always includes me being on the verge of tears because of how insanely good this script is and how these boys bring me so much joy while also shattering my heart. 

Making the gif below no joke did make me cry like this show is my greatest weakness right now you guys don't even understand how much it and Johnson mean to me.

I need to edit more for him and them and the show in general, if I had endless money and all the confidence in the world I would truly fund this show single handedly so it can finish the way it was supposed to. I’m so mad at Hulu for giving me the greatest love(s) of my life before taking him away years before I’d ever know him, with no physical media or merch to at least collect to numb the pain. At some point I need to get some promo pics printed out as actual posters, I need this show on my wall so I can always see him.

[reganmian]

hello gay relatives gallavich nation!! i am finally making an intro post :)

thank you @callivich for creating such a comprehensive guide to the community here + encouragement for lurkers. i’ve been encouraged. 🫡🩷

Name: yi + my username means ‘hot dry noodles’ which is a popular chinese noodle dish. i picked it bc 1) it’s delicious 2) it has ian embedded

Age: 20

What made you fall in love with Gallavich? they’re complex characters who go through harrowing experiences, ups and downs, pain and suffering—situations where it seems impossible for any good to materialize. in spite of it all, they find each other over and over again. they scrape together every last sliver of hope. they try and try again, until they can finally match each others' pace, slow down, and just exist together. tl;dr - even with the deck stacked against them, they emerged from the angst victorious and in love. and i'm supposed to not eat it up?

How long have you been a fan? 67 days. i had seen a lot of shameless clips on youtube over the years - mostly of white boy carl, to which i was like wtf is this 💀 and ignored. eventually came across the clip of mickey chasing ian re: mandy in s1, checked the comments out, saw someone say “i can’t believe these 2 guys got married” and i was like What LMFAO? and fell into the All Gallavich Scenes | S01-S11 + Hall Of Shame | 1080p playlist and kinda got stuck there. started watching shameless a couple weeks later just for them

Favourite Gallavich moment/scene? when mickey’s on the brink of losing ian (many such cases) and in a split-second, decides to risk it all for him and comes out to everyone/his pos father at the alibi. then they get to beat him up. i giggle everytime at ian flipping terry off as the cop car pulls away, and sniffle when he kisses mickey’s head. mickey’s courage and fierce love for ian is so clear and it fills my heart with pride to see him finally out.

Favourite Shameless character apart from Ian and Mickey? fiona + mandy <3

Do you write or draw or make edits? i mostly write + i’m currently working on an AU fic—my very first for gallavich 🫡 i also draw once in a blue moon (limited to b&w sketches)

Favourite type of Gallavich fics? i'm drawn to AUs!! much of the canonverse is, for a lack of better words, ouchie. i will pretty much read anything tho; this fandom publishes some impeccable literature.

Favourite Gallavich quote? “ian, what you and i have makes me free. not what these assholes know.” instant classic.

Anything else you’d like to share about yourself? i’m taller than mickey/noel, speak en/fr/中文, and i’d love to make friends and pick writer brains and scream abt gallavich fics/ideas and gallavich themselves. i have so many thoughts abt them i will explode!!

i also wanted to say thank you so much for all the love received on the ian drawing i posted for his bday!! i hadn't drawn in a loooong time and i was met w/ so many kind words for which i am so grateful! 🫶🏻

that is it for me for now. i hope to hear from yall soon! 🩷

[feral-bunny31]

Ok ok ok ok so I’ve been reading a few fics/prompts of Danny Phantom having to declare war on the living (he’s ghost king ofc) and I’ve had an idea slowing forming in my head with each one I’ve read and it’s just how I’d envision that scene happening and I need to get it out so here goes (putting it below the cut bc idk how much I’m going to write) how it leads up to this, your choice if you see this and decide to write more/around it. Ok here goes:

They had 13 hours left of the 3 days King Phantom, High King of the Dead, Defeater of the Dark, Son of Time, The In-between, The Balance, The All Star, had given them. 13 hours. 13. The number of the dead, ironic really that that was the amount left.

He gave them 3 days to dismantle the Ghost Investigation Ward, to release their prisoners, his people. 13 hours left and they couldn’t get them to yield their ways. To give up and break up and release the dead they had tortured. King Phantom, no older than 18, gave them a warning and they were failing. War was coming and King Phantom warned them he and his infinite army of the lost souls of this plane and the in betweens were going to march.

It was his final choice to be made in his existence. His last option. His espoir perdu. He didn’t want to do this, he hated doing this but he had to and everyone saw it as his warning was broadcasted onto every possible screen in the United States.

2 hours. They had 2 hours left and they were giving up. Trying to get as many people to safety and shelter as they could. They needed to get the civilians to hide. Gods, there was only an hour left.

And as they watched the sky above Illinois- of all places- shatter and breaks like glass they saw the King emerge as the final seconds ended.

He was stone faced, no one behind him as he stood, floating in the shattered rift of the realms, the portal green. So so green. Swirling like hypnosis. Black armor draped over his body, a sword held tight, white knuckled at his side, a crown of burning ice drifting close to his head. His face was set, cold to those that see him that don’t know him. Expression hard except for the minute furrow of his brow, seen only by those that know him, that see who he is, white hair whipping softly around his face, casting shadows over his green eyes. Oh his eyes. They were the only thing able to show what was going through his mind. They held so much.

Years of experience, of pain, of loss, of suffering and sadness. Of struggling to be heard, to fight for his people and those of this earth. To keep the peace but save what he can in this destructive world. His eyes held so much words didn’t exist to tell what all they showed.

Calmly, slowly, deathly, his sword arm rose. Rose high above his head and fell. Fell until it was straight out, a signal that the war had begun.

Thousands of souls poured out of the portal, though they spared the citizens around not a single glance. They were vaguely human, some just skeletons, some races long since extinct. They only had eyes for the buildings that were beginning to scream. The voices of their prisoners rising until every single one of the Ghost Investigation Ward’s buildings rang with the rage and hurt and pain of those souls.

The army, still pouring from the crack between realms, only targeted those buildings. Flooding the United States searching for those buildings. Men in white suits poured out of the buildings. Raising weapons to the army and unloading everything they had, uncaring of the civilians they hit and the homes and jobs they destroyed, killed.

Then they noticed it, Phantom on the front lines, defending and protecting the civilians as he tore his way through the men in white, Agents they called themselves. Giant frozen Yetis came with him, tending to the wounded he had protected. They creates shelters and barriers of ice to take the wounded and heal them. Bandage them and cover the dead with soft sheets.

The army avoided and even blocked their enemies fire from hitting those shelters, from hitting the homes and jobs as best they could while still fighting. They were angry, rage filled that the Agent cared so little about civilians, all in the name of “getting rid of those ecto scum”

King Phantom and his army fought for 3 days, wiping out any Agent and their buildings that ever existed. Freed his people and made sure they returned safely to the realm of the dead, the Infinite Realms, before he and his army slowly worked on restoring the damaged buildings of the civilians. He gave the dead proper care, tending to the souls that had come back, sending them the portal after they said goodbye to their family.

And when all was said and done, he collapsed, beaten and bloody, into the arms of a god, a being that shifted ages, a clock shoved into his chest, was his chest, and sobbed. Sobbed for all the lives taken, even of the Agents. He didn’t want this, he didn’t want this death and destruction. He wanted peace, for his people and for the living. He was Balance! Why couldn’t he have brought balance peacefully? Why couldn’t he stop this from happening? He tried! Tried so hard to keep this from being a choice. He hated that he had to make this decision.

When everything was restored the best they could and wounded were healed and dead buried, King Phantom gathered his people, entered the rift between realms, and closed it. The one vision of the sky shattering like glass reversing and piecing itself back together, and the army of souls was gone.

Ok how’d I do? Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Please let me know! I love the feedback

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Hi you <3 first up, I adore your writing! I’d like to request a Sihtric x Reader angst fic. I had this idea of him and the reader crushing on one another, but they are too scared to act on it. One night as they are travelling with Uhtred and the others, some Danes storm their camp and threaten Uhtred by violently taking the reader hostage? Some heartbreaking farewell between her and Sihtric? The ending is fully up to you, whatever you feel like writing. Thank you so much!

Hi!! Thank you so much for your kind words and for the request. I hope you like it!

warnings: angst/fluff. mentions of death, violence, blood.

pairing: Sihtric x you (f)

summary: see ask!

word count: 3,9k

Note: I always feel I go overboard with my stories, yikes.

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @anditsmywholeheart

‘I am a lord! You will take orders if you need to, do not forget that.’

You'd been with Uhtred and his men for a long time already. Uhtred happily accepted your oath of loyalty after he had defeated Skorpa, who had kept you as a slave. Uhtred had turned you into a shieldmaiden, you’ve fought alongside him ever since, and you had been there when Sihtric was captured and, like you, swore to be loyal to Uhtred. You fell for Sihtric right away, but you were too shy to act on it. And since he had never given you any signs that he liked you in a romantic way, you’ve been desperately fighting yourself to hide your feelings. A battle that has been going on for many years now. 

Sihtric got married in the meantime, became a father and also the lord of Dunholm. You have seen it all happen, and your heart has been so broken that you almost became numb to seeing him share his happiness with another woman. You always kept your distance and your relationship with him was strictly about having each other’s back on the battlefield.

But about a year ago everything changed.

Years before that, Uhtred had captured Bebbanburg and the lands had been at peace for a while. Until one day the Wolf-Warriors raided Bebbanburg, and other places, killing everyone in their way, causing most people to flee. Sihtric’s wife said she had enough of living in fear, and had taken it upon herself to flee. With their children, without a warning. One day she just up and left, and took everything away from Sihtric, leaving him to be a broken mess after he quickly learned that as she had tried to run away, their children had been captured and slaughtered. And much to your surprise, you were the first person he had come when he found out. He had cried on your shoulder for hours and ended up living with you for several months, as he was not in any state to be alone and look after himself.

You quickly learned he wasn’t hurt because his wife had left him, he told you their relationship had burned out a long time ago. Sihtric had been able to provide for her and their children, so she didn’t have to work as a whore anymore, but for some reason she always kept working. Something that had never sat well with him. 

But the death of his children, that was which had caused his heart to be broken. And that day had completely changed your relationship with. You weren’t lovers, as he never told you that he had any feelings for you, but you became close. And yes, it still pained you that you could not be with him in the way you wished to be, but his presence alone was already a blessing to you.

—-----------

You tried to direct your gaze away from the man who was across the fire from you, but you simply couldn’t. Your eyes locked with his every now and then, which made you quickly look somewhere else every time it happened. Everything about him was perfect to you, and you never understood how anyone could hurt him or leave him. You watched as he took a deep breath and cleared his throat. Shit! you thought as he got up and walked over to you, thinking he was about to tell you to stop staring at him.

‘Hey,’ Sihtric whispered as he sat down next to you, ‘ready for battle?’

He nudged your arm and smirked at you, causing you to blush. He looked so beautiful to you, with his hair braided the way it was and his, still clean, leather armour. And his smirk could be the death of you.

‘I am a little nervous,’ you smiled, ‘it’s been a while. I hope I’m still in shape.’

‘I don’t think you have anything to worry about,’ he chuckled, ‘I think this battle will be easy, if you can even call it a battle. It's more a minor misunderstanding between two kings, I suppose. And besides, you are in good shape.’

‘You know nothing about that.’

‘Well,’ he rolled his eyes, ‘you look to be in good shape.’

You thanked him awkwardly and Sihtric made you giggle as he smiled sheepishly at you. You felt yourself biting down on your lip, trying desperately to hide your smile.

‘Still… it’s been a while since we had a battle. The last one was against the-’ you quickly stopped talking, remembering who you had fought during your last battle.

‘You can say it,’ Sihtric said with a weak smile, ‘the wolf-warriors,’ he sighed, ‘and you’re right. It’s been a while ago. But again, I’m sure you will be fine. And I’ll have your back anyway,’ he smiled sweetly.

‘But what about you, Sihtric? Are you ready?’

‘Me?’ Sihtric chuckled and clicked his tongue, ‘I would lie if I said I didn’t miss the battles. I’m ready, don’t you worry, lady,’ he winked.

‘Yeah,’ you snorted, ‘I know how much you enjoy it.’

‘As if you don’t enjoy it,’ he teased and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, ‘I know what you look like in the midst of a battle.’

‘And what do I look like?’ you frowned. 

Sihtric tilted his head sideways and smirked as he looked at you.

‘Like Death,’ he said softly, ‘and I can only pray that when I die in battle, my death bringer will be just as beautiful. For I will gladly go to Valhalla if so.’

A silence fell as you and Sihtric looked into each other’s eyes, and you both seemed to slowly lean in closer. Until you could feel his breath on your lips, then you panicked and had to ruin the moment.

‘You mean,’ you said slowly, ‘you don’t wish to be killed by a gigantic Dane, twice your size, with a greasy beard who smells like sweat?’

Sihtric grimaced quickly before he snorted and slapped your knee, ‘You should get some rest, tomorrow we march further. You need to be in good shape.’

‘You said I was in good shape?’

‘No, I said you look to be in good shape, I don’t know if you actually are,’ Sihtric teased.

You huffed and got up, but before you did, you punched his shoulder with such force that he actually had to rub his hand over it, pouting at you.

‘Go,’ he laughed, ‘I will keep watch.’

‘Fine,’ you snarled, ‘don’t fall asleep.’

‘I’m not Finan,’ he hissed, making you smile.

‘Good night, my brave warrior,’ you said, slightly mocking as you leaned in to give Sihtric a hug.

‘Good night, my valkyrie,’ he said softly as you embraced him, and he kissed your cheek before you could pull away and turn from him. 

If he only knew how much he had made you blush, but the darkness of the night made it almost impossible. You walked away, completely flustered. He had never kissed your cheek before, and you weren’t sure why it had happened now, but you figured it must be his battle nerves. Sure, Sihtric was always battle ready, but every warrior was nervous aswell, no matter how great of a fighter one was.

The next morning you woke up early, apparently being the first to do so as you saw no movement in the camp yet. You walked over to the smoldering fire pit and kicked Sihtric’s feet, who woke up with a slight shock and groaned.

‘You’re not Finan, but you are just as useless,’ you laughed.

‘Shut up,’ Sihtric chuckled lightly as he rubbed his eyes. 

He watched you walk away and smirked to himself when his eyes got stuck on your ass, not complaining that you were the first thing he had seen when he opened his eyes that morning. And he knew it would be a good day.

—--

‘My arse hurts, lord,’ Finan complained at Uhtred.

You looked at Sihtric, who rode beside you and you both snickered before looking back at Finan.

‘It’s not funny!’ Finan spat, ‘lord! Please, can we make camp soon? It’s been hours,’ he whined at Uhtred, who rode in front of you. Uhtred turned around and rolled his eyes with a smile.

‘We will make camp soon, I promise!’ Uhtred yelled back, making you and Sihtric smile at each other again before directing your eyes in front of you.

‘Lord Uhtred?’ you called after a moment, ‘may I suggest Finan to guard the camp tonight, as a punishment for his constant complaining?’

‘Oi!’ Finan shouted.

Sihtric snorted and hid his smile behind his hand when Uhtred turned to look at you.

‘Do you think that is a fair punishment?’

‘Yes, lord,’ you spoke seriously, ‘since Finan struggles to stay awake, I think he will understand the punishment, as it is very bad behaviour when the one who stands guard falls asleep. Don’t you think so, lord Sihtric?’

Sihtric recognised the mocking tone in your voice and struggled to keep it together as he spoke.

‘Ah, yes, lord. It is very, very bad when the one who stands guard,’ he snorted, ‘falls asleep. So I must,’ he snorted again and tried to compose himself, ‘I must agree with the lady, lord.’

‘I don’t need yer opinion, ya bastard heathen,’ Finan huffed at Sihtric.

‘Hey!’ you snapped at Finan, who looked at you with surprise. You cocked your head towards Sihtric as you spoke to Finan, ‘That is lord bastard heathen to you.’ And with that you managed to make every man who heard you break out in laughter. And as you looked back at Sihtric, you saw he was already looking at you. He smiled and bit his lip, his cheeks a light colour of red and his eyes a little narrow, and he licked his lips before he looked away from you. And you felt yourself turn red as you rode further.

—------------

The day had been warm and long. After Finan’s constant complaining you had soon stopped and made camp. The campfire was cosy as it was surrounded by a circle of large trees, making it a nice place to sit back and relax. Finan was to guard the camp after everyone had eaten. And not long after that, you had fallen asleep against Sihtric’s shoulder, who in return, had rested his head upon yours and fell asleep shortly after you.

You were rudely awoken by loud screaming, you quickly recognised the voice to be Uhtred’s, who was ordering everyone to wake up and fight. Sihtric jumped up at the same time as you did, and you both needed a second to grasp what was happening.

‘Danes!’ Sihtric hissed, ‘raiders!’

‘Sihtric!’ you yelled and grabbed his arm.

Sihtric pulled you behind him as he immediately reached for his axe, and within a split second he threw it right between the eyes of an approaching Dane. Sihtric was quick to run towards the twitching body and crouched down to pull the axe out of the, as good as dead, man’s head. He looked back over his shoulder to see if anyone tried to attack you again, and he saw your face full of fear, something he had never seen from you before. Alarmed, he quickly got up on his feet as he shouted at you if something was wrong.

‘Sihtric!’ you yelled through the chaos around you.

Sihtric quickly approached and cupped your cheeks. 

‘Are you hurt?’ he tried to sound calm, but you heard the panic in his voice.

‘No! But my weapons! I left them in my tent before dinner! I was foolish!’ you almost cried as you looked away from him, towards your tent, and Sihtric saw that the plundering Danes had already taken everything useful from it.

‘I have nothing!’ you weeped in panic and grabbed onto Sihtric, ‘I have no shield, no weapon! Nothing to defend or protect myself with!’

‘No,’ Sihtric said sternly, pulling a knife from his belt and pressing it in your hand, ‘you have my knife,’ he said before looking back into your eyes, ‘and me.’ He kissed your forehead quickly and pulled you behind him again, as he was looking for his next victim.

Everything happened so fast. Men screamed, blood splattered your face as Sihtric slammed his axe into someone’s neck, and as a horseman rode by fast you clutched Sihtric’s hand, who knew exactly why.

‘They are wolf-warriors,’ you gasped, ‘I thought we had defeated them.’

‘We did!’ Sihtric said, and pulled you with him fast, away from the madness.

‘Wait! Where are you going, Sihtric! You can’t just run now!’

‘I am not running!’ he snapped as he turned to you, ‘but I will not let them take someone away from me again! You have to hide.’

‘No, Sihtric-’

‘Please,’ he said and pressed his forehead against yours, ‘please. I cannot see you getting hurt. Or worse.’

You pulled away and looked up at him.

‘I am a shieldmaiden. I am not a coward! I am not afraid of them!’

‘You have no chance with only my knife, you will get slaughtered if you stay!’

‘I will-’

‘No! I can’t protect you, they’re…’ he groaned and ran his hands over his blood stained face, ‘there’s too many of them. I can’t fight while constantly looking out for you, it will get us both killed.’

‘I can take care of myself,’ you said harshly.

Sihtric cupped your cheeks and pulled you close again, ‘I beg you.’

‘No! I would rather die in battle than hide and abandon you.’

‘You’re not hearing me-’

‘Sihtric, I am not hiding!’ 

You tried to get away from him, but he had pushed your back against a tree and pressed his body against yours, your faces barely apart now.

‘You have to hide, please,’ he hushed you, and you felt his lips brush against yours as he spoke.

‘Sihtric, you are making no sense. You know what hiding means to us warriors. Death is a part of this, of our lives. And if it happens I-’

‘No! I cannot lose you!’

‘We have always fought together, in worse fights! Where is this coming from?’ you scoffed.

‘Just believe me,’ he grunted, pressing his body closer against yours, ‘hide!’

‘No!’

You felt yourself blush as you suddenly noticed how your lips were constantly touching now, if either one of you had pressed closer, it would have been a kiss. But it wasn’t, you only argued, lips touching, and you didn’t know if you became more angry because he was asking something dishonourable of you, or because you desperately wanted him to kiss you.

‘I will order you-’

‘I do not take orders from you,’ you said bitterly.

‘I am a lord! You will take orders if you need to, do not forget that.’

‘Don’t you dare to abuse your status right now, I will never forgive y-’ 

‘I order you to run and hide because I love you!’ he shouted harshly.

His sudden anger scared you and his confession shocked you all the same and you saw Sihtric was equally as taken aback by his words and with the harshness he had spoken them.

‘I… I…’ you stammered and managed to step aside, away from him as you wanted to collect your thoughts.

‘Sihtric, I… I love-’ you started, but as soon as Sihtric let you slip out of his hands, the horseman, who you had seen moments earlier, rode by again and snatched your arm, pulling you up onto his horse.

‘Sihtric!’ you screamed and reached out to him. You felt his fingertips brush against yours before he closed his hand tight with nothing but air inside.

‘No, my love!’ his voice broke as he shouted.

And when he moved to run after the horseman you saw how a Dane smacked Sihtric in the back of his head with a shield, causing Sihtric to collapse onto the ground. And that was the last you saw of him.

—--------

Weeks had gone by since you had been captured by the wolf-warriors, who had survived and regrouped after the last battle, then taking revenge on Uhtred by attacking your camp. You had been worried sick about the men you used to fight with, and mainly about Sihtric. You worried if someone had found him in time, to nurse the wound on his head or if he was even still breathing when you saw him hit the ground. You cried, slept and barely ate. The Danes who captured you didn’t speak to you. They only fed you and kept your hands and legs tied up. You didn’t understand what the point of your presence was. Until one day they finally spoke to you.

‘Uhtred will be meeting with us soon,’ a Dane smiled at you.

Your eyes snapped open. Uhtred, you thought, that means he is still alive and survived the attack.

‘What for?’ you asked, not showing your glimpse of hope.

‘Let’s say… we want to make an exchange.’

‘An exchange?’

‘Uhtred’s life… for yours.’

‘What?’ you scoffed, and felt the small glimpse of hope you had shatter into a million pieces.

‘Uhtred is responsible for killing my kin,’ the Dane looked back at his warriors, ‘we are here for revenge. He turns himself over to us, you go free. Easy as that.’

You felt yourself fall back against the tree you had been leaning against before the warrior spoke to you, knowing that your end was nearing. If any of Uhtred’s men would still be alive, they would never allow him to trade places with you. And you wouldn’t want it either. You accepted your fate. You had to die, and you hoped that if Sihtric had fallen in battle that moment you last saw him, that he was waiting for you in Valhalla.

—------------

You looked up as you heard men approaching.

‘Uhtred!’ you shouted at the sight of him and you stood up, to which one of the Danes kicked your feet away underneath you, making you fall down.

‘Stay,’ the Dane hissed.

‘Harm her again and I will kill the rest of you,’ Uhtred spoke calmly, ‘whatever there is left.’ 

Uhtred scoffed at the small group that had captured you. And it was an amusing sight, true, the warriors made it out of the raid at your camp with just 6 of them alive.

‘We do not wish to harm her. We only want you, lord Uhtred.’

‘Don’t do it!’ you yelled.

‘Quiet!’ the Dane shouted at you and kicked you in your ribs, causing you to collapse and gasp for air.

Suddenly you heard screaming around you, which ended as abruptly as it had started. And as you were too afraid to see what had happened, you just kept your eyes closed and hugged your knees. Then you felt someone cautiously wrapping their arms around you to pick you up, after which you lost consciousness.

—--------

‘Si…Sihtric…’ you murmured, unaware.

‘Hey,’ a soft voice spoke close to you as you tried to open your eyes, and felt someone squeeze your hand.

‘Hm?’ you hummed.

‘It’s me,’ Sihtric chuckled lightly, leaning in closer.

‘Sihtric?’ you sat up quick, but Sihtric gently pushed you back down to the bed.

‘Take it easy,’ he whispered and cupped your cheeks, ‘you’re safe and well, but you need some time to recover.’

‘What…what happened? How long has it been?’

‘It’s been a few days. You were kicked in the ribs, after that Uhtred signalled us to kill every last Wolf bastard that was still standing,’ his thumb stroked your cheek, ‘do you remember anything?’

‘I remember being kicked, but that is the last thing.’

You reached out to touch his face, and he closed his eyes to the feeling of your hand on his cheek.

‘Sihtric, I-’ you were abruptly stopped from speaking when Sihtric pressed his lips against yours, and you let him guide you in a slow and soft kiss. When he wanted to pull away from you, you didn’t allow it, and instead pulled him closer.

‘You make me want to do things I shouldn’t,’ he smiled against your lips.

‘Like what?’

Without speaking or ever leaving your lips, he slowly got up and climbed on top of you, carefully, to not put any weight near your ribs. You giggled before your hands reached for his neck, and you didn’t know for how long you had been kissing, but you only stopped after someone cleared their throat behind Sihtric.

‘Ahem,’ a nun said, ‘I see allowing men here has been a mistake.’

You and Sihtric both looked over his shoulder, to see an old nun frown at the two of you, and you gave Sihtric a confused look when his eyes met yours again.

‘Your nurse,’ he mumbled with a smirk before he got off you and sat down in the chair next to your bed again.

‘The lady needs rest. And so do you,’ the nun narrowed her eyes to Sihtric before she walked away.

‘Sihtric,’ you said, directing his eyes back to you again, ‘your head. I remember what happened the last time I saw you. Are you-’

‘I am fine,’ he hushed you, ‘now that you are safe again. I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you that day.’

‘No, it’s… I should have listened. I’m sorry for arguing.’

‘No,’ he chuckled, ‘you weren’t wrong. And besides… one thing I always liked about you is your determination.’

‘Yeah, because it always works out great for me,’ you smiled, ‘Sihtric, I thought I would never see you again. I feared that the blow to your head killed you.’

‘No, I refuse to die by the hands of a gigantic sweaty Dane.’

You laughed, to which his eyes lit up and before you knew it his lips were back on yours again.

‘I love you,’ he hummed against your lips, ‘I have always loved you.’

‘What?’ you pulled away to look at him.

‘I have always loved you.’

‘But… you, you were married and you-’

‘Always,’ he said sternly, leaning his forehead against yours.

‘I have always loved you too,’ you said softly.

‘And do you love me still?’

‘Always,’ you smiled and kissed him again.

‘Jesus Christ, finally!’ Finan yelled as he stood in the door opening, ‘after all these years of seeing the two of ye make the dumbest choices, please tell me now that ya proposed, Sihtric.’

‘Finan,’ Sihtric warned him.

‘I only came to check on our shieldmaiden. Listen, I am sorry. It's all been my fault. I fell asleep that night, I never saw them coming. I am so sorry.’

‘I am fine, Finan, I never blamed you. I am fine now,’ you smiled and looked at Sihtric, ‘more than fine. Never been better.’

‘Good,’ Finan smirked, ‘then he listened.’

You frowned at Sihtric before looking back to Finan.

‘I rescued the bastard after he got hit in the head during the attack on our camp. I dragged him to safety and we had the nuns nurse his wounds. But I told him, if he wasn’t going to pursue ye, I would kill him myself because it was more than obvious that you had always loved him. He got the hint, and went a little too crazy as we tried to find ye, lady, he almost got himself killed in the process.’

You quickly glanced at Sihtric, who looked down at your hand in his, and smiled weakly.

‘Thank god we found ye. Because the state that guy was in,’ Finan sighed and shook his head, ‘anyway, I’ll leave ye to it,’ he chuckled and gave you a nod farewell.

You felt yourself blush and looked away from Sihtric, who softly brushed his fingers through your hair as his other hand still held yours.

‘So… will you be my woman?’

‘I have always been your woman, Sihtric, all you had to do was ask.’

[nomsfaultau]

First ask since the daily ask ended hehe

If you had to make fault into a time loop story, what time period would you choose for each character and how would it go?

Clarification. You get to choose a time period (ex. Hour, day, couple of days, event, week) that each character has to repeat for over and over until they get out of it somehow. You get to choose from everything that has happened in the character's lives so far, whether it be in text or just living in your head. For clarification the character from that point in time has to repeat it, not the current character getting teleported into the past. And you can choose the rest of the circumstances for the characters, how the time loop works, how to break it, etc etc.

I just got this idea spontaneously and got curious. (Psssttt I was watching a In stars and time video essay)

Technically the amnestic arc is reverse ground hog day for Phil lmao. 

Anyway I thought the 1st part worked best for this ask considering it has a very defined start (Tubbo captured) and end (they escape). Since we don’t see anyone but clingy duo during that time, and because Tommy has limited capabilities, I elected to shove the time loop on Tubbo given information gathering and ability to effect things outside their cell. So the moment Tubbo is carried outside, they wake up smoke drowsy and half dead in their cell. Or say a month, since otherwise it could be years or lifetimes between the loop restarting given difficulties escaping. 

Tubbo naturally assumes the way to get out is to escape without anyone being killed. This is their chance to do it right. So simple things like asking the Farmer for permission to eat the potatoes to prevent a slaughter. At least…until armed with hind sight Tubbo is able to realize that’s The Blade. And they still have that trauma from losing their legs even if it’s now been undone, are terrified of The Blade above all else. It’s going to be many many loops before they can properly talk to him, and maybe could eventually have an easier time getting to bond with him, particularly with the lack of intense pain and the investigation done into trying to figure out how to prevent attacks. Cause just have Tommy Collect them before hand or it’s fine. Or they’ll have Rhodes adopt Jasmine it probably counts and would be permanent. Now. This would have to be a topic I handle very delicately, since the ‘magical un-do button’ on injury/disability is a very ableist trope, one which I haven’t always handled with grace. Things like erasing disabled representation at the very least, and at most catastrophic could imply things like ‘in the GOOD timeline Tubbo isn’t disabled because they did everything right this time’ which is pretty icky to me for the implying disability as a punishment/intolerable outcome angle. Idk how I’d try to go about it though. 

Also they’d try to get to Tommy as soon as possible. Small problem on that front: Tommy will not leave his cell unless compelled through the sirenic properties of an invitation to join the Hive. And Tubbo is hella traumatized from Rosalind, so that probably wouldn’t happen for a loop or two. But they need Tommy so so badly. Repeatedly asking Tommy and waiting for that rejection is probably painful as hell, but probably more in the cringe way as time goes on. Since originally Tubbo did it very much out of survival desperation and changeling instinct, which is embarrassing to reenact. 

Tubbo would also like immediately try to figure out the deal with UnCollection. Maybe not necessarily like trying to stop it since they think Philza is awful (though not terrified of him like they are post amnestic arc which won’t happen until time loop is broken) and Tommy is better off without him. But when Phil is like immediately ‘what no I would never’ and then Tommy is UnCollected anyway and he doesn’t know what’s happening, then they’d do investigated the 2-4th loops and figure out it was Foundation plot. While still shaded by murder from the Hallway and escape, they’d begin to find him a very useful source of information and strategy. Plus he is like. An actual source of good mental health advice unlike Tommy, and starts feeling like an emotional support unlike Tommy who is more like clinging onto a fellow drowning person. Might actually come out of it neutral to pro Philza. 

The real question is…does ALL of Tubbo remember? Because presumably you’d want Rhodes and Jasmine aware of what happened, and all the bees to be on the same page. Which leads me to believe that Rosalind would still be part of the hivemind. A separate body, somewhat, but still Tubbo. Which could mean that both Tubbo could take control of Rosalind’s body, and she could take control of theirs. Potentially? But they definitely can communicate telepathically. 

Because I like that death march for both of them, of knowing this ends in her brutal death, of knowing this ends in the shattering of their morals. They can’t ever fully undo it, the mistake irreversible, a permanent stain that both have to live with. The horror of Tubbos’ biggest regret born from survivalistic terror, having to ask if they’d make that choice again and again without the pressure of panic. A conscious and controlled choice to destroy someone, not driven by instinct and desperation.

Technically, this gets into the slightly nebulous territory of if Rosalind is even part of the Foundation at the start of the loop, since her first day of (interacting with the anomalies at least) is a week after Tubbo is captured. From what I can tell she joined willingly as opposed to the more standard ‘oh you’ve been traumatized by an anomaly hire time’ approach. This could mean she simply…never steps foot in the Foundation again. Walks away from Omelas as it were. For a couple loops that’s what she does at least, but Tubbos’ line of what happens to us if all the good people leave? would haunt her uncontrollably, as would their determination to rescue everyone plus constant appeals to her. Rosalind would willingly return to the Foundation and begin helping under the promise that Tubbo won’t kill her.

And I can’t imagine the look on Tubbos’ face when they realize they could have survived the beheading. That Rosalind didn’t have to die. Cycle after cycle of cutting off pieces of themselves over and over, pushing themselves to last long enough to make it to the reset no matter what they have to sacrifice. The long term effects would be so unique. Do they stop using their left hand if it’s gone more often than not? Does the phantom pain remain even if the limb is still there? 

It’s poking around in information she shouldn’t be that gets Rosalind Keter duty with Tubbo, and early loop investigations would keep this part consistent as they try to build info. With better handling of Lawrence, Clingy Duo and Rosalind escape. Only for Tubbo to wake up again in the cell. 

Okay. So now they start trying to figure out how to get The Blade, Wilbur, Philza, Skeppy, Halo, and Charlie out without murder. Hella complicated but they could get very clever between small bees infiltrating everywhere seeing everything moving stuff around and having a Foundation employee working with them. They have a month and literally all the time in the world to figure it out. And then they get everyone out and wake up in the cell again. 

They get intensive about it. Running over schemes over and over because they and Rosalind can get obsessive about planning, and could get really perfectionist  with it. Could get to the point where they find a way to get everyone in the Foundation out. Probably convince Philza to help with it if they explain the ‘Tommy Collected us and it’s a time loop’ since he does have enough control to fight without deaths. Now he would be planning to come back later and raze it but they’d never find out because after years of loops and they finally break every single anomaly out and they. Wake. Up. In that cell again. Do it all again and Tubbo stays, Tubbo chooses to never step foot out even when everyone else is free because Tubbo above all places the collective above the individual.

Because my partner in crime decided Tubbos’ win condition: every last Foundation worker is dead. 

My partner in crime insisted that at some point in eternity Tubbo would start killing people, but believe me I wrote an entire play about the whole time loop serial killer thing and it takes a certain set of character flaws to get there. Tubbos’ flaws are literally exactly what it takes to not become a time loop serial killer. They are stubborn, and determined, and murder is what stuck them in the time loop in the first place by their logic. This is the chance to absolve their guilt if only they can get it right. The whole ‘fleeting pointlessness of human lives that are eventually replaced/reset’ doesn’t work with Tubbo because they’re literally made of bees that live a month, indistinguishable multitudes. The lives cannot lose value to Tubbo, ESPECIALLY as they get to know each one so painfully intimately. 

Tubbo never escapes the time loop. They can’t. Tubbo is self sacrificial to a fault and cares far more for the collective over an individual freedom. And so much like in that original loop so long ago, they fall into disassociations and escapism, each loop fading into one another, indistinguishable fog blurring everything into nothing. 

Cool Anyways we decided if The Blade was in a time loop only the voices would know, and The Blade would be freaked out after a couple hundred loops where the voices gather enough cohesion to just fully speak in unison complex precognitive sentences. They straight up unionize in order to escape the time loop and The Blood God becomes obsessed with replicating that cohesion bc man loves the power of team work. Very much giving infinite monkeys type writers situation. We tried to make Philza’s win condition literally just not torturing Webb to death for one single loop but he’d wait however many loops it took for the Collected Covenant reparation period to pass before he started enacting hellish revenge, so Webb would live the first few times and it wouldn’t work. Also if Tommy was in Tubbos’ time loop he deffo would find a way to kill everyone and hate himself about it. Like he straight up tells subsumed Rosalind to her face she’s lucky she was dealing with Tubbo cause he would’ve just murdered her. 

[whatisreggieshortfor]

Just Tap Out

Oikawa sees his boyfriend get his arm broken in the ring.

For @crusthug

Oikawa was panicking.

He wouldn’t admit it, but he was.

He’d grown used to your job. You were an athlete, just like he was. It was how you initially bonded. But your sports were massively different, and it had never been more clear than it was tonight.

He, admittedly, hadn’t been familiar with UFC until he learned it was what you did. And then he spent days down a rabbit hole of researching it, like how he invested himself in watching volleyball game tapes to analyze playing style. He knew it was violent.

But you had always won. He had never had to see you the way he saw you tonight, pinned with an almost certainly broken arm. You didn’t tap out, the ref never called for a stop for the medic like he absolutely should have.

He still had no idea how you managed to knock your opponent out with only one working arm. But he didn’t plan to be quiet about it.

You exited the locker room, arm in a sling after seeing the official doctor, and found your boyfriend waiting for you, “Tooru, hey, I didn’t-“

“What the fuck was that, Y/N!?” You were caught off guard by the aggression in his voice, “Why didn’t you tap out? Why didn’t you take care of yourself!?”

“I…I knew I could win…I thought you’d understand that…”

“Winning isn’t everything!” He threw his hands up, tugging at his usual picture perfect hair, his volume rising and echoing off the corridor walls.

You held out your good hand, reaching for him but he brushed you off, “Tooru, baby, you don’t need to worry about me. It’s nothing I’m not used to. I thought you understood the dangers by now.”

“I thought I did too.” He answered, glare on his face, “But I just had to watch my boyfriend get hurt because he wouldn’t just give up!”

Ordinarily, you were the one that told the two of you to take a step back, so neither of you would say something you’d regret. But you were in pain, and honestly you were getting tired of always being the bigger person when he threw a fit.

You wanted to scoff. How many times had you said the same thing to him? How many times did he ignore your concern when his knee was bothering him because he thought he needed more and more practice?

You wanted to scoff.

So you did.

Fixing him with your own glare, you asked him, “So why does this apply to me and not to you?”

“Excuse me!?”

“You heard me, Tooru!” You yelled back, “If I’m supposed to give up when I can get hurt, in a contact sport where injuries are almost as commonplace as championships, why aren’t you supposed to give up when your injuries only happens because you ignored the doctor’s orders and didn’t go easy with the extra practicing??”

Oikawa narrowed his eyes, “Don’t try make this about that, I-“

“No! Let’s make this about that!” You cut in, stepping toward him. By reflex he took a step back, “Why is it a one way street here all the time? Why are you allowed to worry me when you work later and later every week even though the doctor has told you and told you again and again to take it easy? But I get hurt one single time in the years we’ve been together, years I’ve been doing this- this thing that I love and have the same passion for that you do for volleyball!?” Your chest heaved when you finished, but he was ready to go again. It felt like an hour the two of you argued in that hallway before you realized you may have let it go a little too far. In a much calmer tone, you decided to deescalate for the time being, “I’m…I’m going to go ahead home.”

“You can’t drive! Let me-“

“I’d rather be alone right now, Tooru.” You didn’t mean to cut him off as sharply as you did, “I’ll have my coach drop me off.”

He watched you go, feeling the crushing weight of guilt when he realized you were right. Who was he to yell at you like that?

When had he ever listened to you when you tried to make him take care of his knee?

When had you ever gotten mad at him over it?

Would you even forgive him for this?

Iwaizumi was expecting a FaceTime call when your match ended. He watched the fight on tv, and every time after you were cleaned up his annoying best friend would call so that he could congratulate you on the win.

He didn’t expect this call to be met with Oikawa’s tear stricken face.

You had made a promise very early on in your relationship that unless you had work, you’d be attending every single one of each other’s matches. That you never let anything personal interfere.

But when it was the next day and Oikawa had never come home, you were questioning going to his game.

In the end, you caved. You threw his spare jersey on as carefully as you could while you cradled your arm, and made your way to the gym. Some fans recognized you, and asked for pictures when they realized you couldn’t sign autographs. You posed as cheerfully as you could.

Oikawa didn’t look for you like he usually did during warm ups. His eyes never even drifted toward the crowd. Like he was forcing himself not to check.

Tooru didn’t know if he could handle looking out and not seeing you there. When he’d met you years ago, you had been almost pushy to keep the relationship out of the public eye, because you didn’t want his fan club to turn on him for having a boyfriend. But then you went to one of his games on a whim, and when he saw you in the crowd it was like a new energy filled him.

When he won, he didn’t think twice before finding you in the stands and kissing the air out of your lungs.

He’d give anything to have that moment again.

His sets were off.

His serves didn’t have their usual strength.

He could tell he was getting close to subbed out.

But then he heard it.

Your voice.

Cheering his name.

You saw the way his head snapped around, finding you.

The look of relief that washed over his face was unreal.

He won the game. And without waiting for a moment, he charged into the stands and pulled you into his arms, “My prince, I didn’t- I’m sorry- I just- I am so sorry.” You held him as best you could, ignoring the crowd’s stares as he sobbed into your neck. When he pulled away, he finally looked you in the eyes again, “Why did you come? I didn’t expect you to.”

You shrugged with your good arm, “I promised you I would.”

He kissed you, long and deep as the crowd cheered, “I need to talk to the coach. Give me- just give me a few minutes! I’ll be back before you can miss me!”

“I miss you as soon as you walk away.”

He groaned, “Stop being cute! Five minutes!”

It wasn’t until he was holding you in bed that night that he revealed he convinced his coach that he needed time off. He was going to make up for yelling at you by resting himself and helping you heal.

Masterlist

[beloved-daydreams]

"Tail" a Jude x Cardan fic

Quick summary(?): Jude and Cardan have been recognized as the Queen and King of Faerie, since then a few weeks have passed. Some amount of peace has returned, yet a lot of things have been left unsaid. Despite their knowledge of eachother's affection being reciprocated, they'll still have to learn to rely on eachother and trust eachother more day by day. And to do that, it's natural to start with the small things.

Note: It’s mostly fluff and them talking privately, this is my first attempt to writing them but I’d like to make more if I get more ideas. I’ve been thinking of making a series of "one shots" where they tell eachother things they’ve never confessed. Like maybe how Balekin made Jude kiss him. Or how she witnessed Cardan getting abused back in the first book (unless I��m misremembering, I think she never told him?) It’s not like those things need to be said, especially since they’re so uncomfortable for the both of them, but I often wonder how these "small revelations" would go, had they been put into words. Well, who am I kidding, I probably won’t have enough willpower to go through with it haha. But please, have this for the time being.

And please consider leaving comments and/or your jumbled thoughts in the tags! This means a lot to writers. Enjoy ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hearing his footsteps getting closer and closer, Jude placed herself more prettily on the bed. Making sure that everything was in place, that the bathrobe she was wearing over her underwear wasn't crooked or that her hair hadn’t stood up awkwardly in some places.

She hated how much she still wanted to make sure to appear attractive to him. Well, she already knew that he liked- No. Loved her but she couldn't stop herself from greedily wishing for more.

Those chambers were now shared by the both of them so they had laid down some rules. One of them being that before coming in, they should always warn the other. Thus Cardan stopped himself in front of the room and knocked 3 times, quite assuredly.

"It's me."

His proclamation was a confirmation of what Jude already knew rather than anything else. She could recognize him by many things. His smell, the silhouette of his shadow, the way he laughs, his wide footsteps. There was no shortage of ways she had that made her capable of spotting him almost immediately. Especially when you consider that, for years, her eyes would always wander around, almost subconsciously looking for him. She had observed him for years, hated him for years, despised him from the bottom of her heart.

That is, until she noticed that she didn't. Or rather, the brand of hatred she felt towards him was special. In the middle of it, she was drawn to him, attracted by his everything. It seemed like that feeling had switched to love somewhere along the way, or maybe it had masked itself under her fear. Now she only wanted him for herself. Oh, the pain of having to share him with his subjects when all she wants to do sometimes is to just lie down next to him, confessing all of the thoughts she hides from him...

In any case, Jude jokingly answered.

"Me who?"

Slightly unnerved by the bad joke, Cardan followed.

"Who else but your darling husband? Let me in Jude."

It wasn't like he couldn't get in, the door wasn't locked or anything. However it was quite cute how he always asked for her permission to come inside since they didn't decide on that in the rules. All he needed to do was notify her of his presence before coming in, which, well, Jude had quickly noticed how almost useless that rule was since she could always hear him coming so clearly. Unless she was really busy with something, it was pretty much impossible to miss him.

"Come in then, my dear husband."

Jude said that with a bit of a haughty air to appear unfazed by her own words, but the truth was that she was still very giddy at the idea of having him, Cardan of all people, as a husband.

Coming into the room, Cardan immediately let himself fall on the bed, then turned over towards Jude, not so discreetly admiring her.

"You're not letting anyone else come here, are you?"

Jude faked an offended look.

"You think I'd cheat on my beloved husband? How rude."

Then kissed him on his forehead which made his tail flail around a bit. That caught Jude's attention and made her lips switch into a smile.

"Did you just wag your tail at me?"

Instead of replying, Cardan buried his face into the pillow and let out a low, exasperated sound. Part of the reason why he would always hide his tail before was because he was scared of something like this happening. It would be shameful. Especially if it was in front of Jude, who he thought would immediately understand that he was excited when talking to her or interacting with her in any capacity.

Now that they were married it wasn't supposed to be as shameful, but it was still slightly embarrassing nonetheless.

Jude placed her hand on his back, rubbing it gently.

"No use hiding into the pillow oh High King of Faeries, please answer your wife when she speaks to you."

Again, with that playful and teasing tone of hers. This was something Cardan had barely if ever seen from her before, but since they've been wed, he was finding more and more lovable sides to her which was quite damning. He was already hopelessly head over heels for her, there was absolutely no need to make it harder for him by being even more charming than she already was.

"Very well. Since my lovely wife so atrociously wants to know the answer, I'll humor her for a bit: Yes, my tail did move because of her loveliness that I so mortifyingly crave."

There was really no reason to be so embarrassed, yet Jude found this honest part of him so very cute. In response, she moved her hand away from his back and carefully grabbed his tail. It twitched a bit at the unexpected contact.

"Oh. I did that without thinking, should I remove my hand?"

"...No. Amuse yourself with it if you wish to do so."

That was an uncharacteristically meek answer from Cradan. Especially since until only a few months ago, he would always keep his tail hidden. And now he was suddenly letting himself be played with. Truth was, he was rather curious to see what she would do with it if given the permission.

A bit hesitantly, Jude carressed the tail from its base to the tip. Cardan sneered.

"Oh, feeling so confident already? Do you consider me to be your pet now?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous. You've been my pet for far longer, even before you would flaunt your tail around in front of my face."

The King laughed at the utter audacity of that statement. And, well, also because she wasn't wrong.

Jude then started brushing the palm of her hand with the tip of the tail.

"...It's as soft as a brush. If we trim it a bit, do you think you could use it to paint?"

"So I was your pet and now I'm merely a drawing utensil? My worth just keeps going down, huh."

It was her turn to laugh now, she wasn't quite sure how to answer to his comment this time around. So she opted for honesty again, hoping it would make him smile.

"Your tail is adorable, I love it."

Instead, she was met with silence that lasted for a few seconds. It took all of Cardan’s willpower to not ridicule himself again by wagging his tail, he was desperately trying to come up with something witty to shoot back at her as usual. However, before he could collect his thoughts, a bit nervous by the lack of reaction, Jude followed.

"Will it hurt if I pull on it?"

His gaze subtly softened before being wiped off by his signature smirk. The annoyingly charming one.

"So you like seeing me in pain after all. Feel free to tr- OW?!"

Before he could finish, Jude pulled on it with a bit more force than she'd like to admit. He was right, seeing his face twist in pain was in fact amusing. In reaction to that, he retaliated by laying on his back, covering the tail under him.

"Aww... But it was just getting fun."

"For you, maybe. I'd like to keep my tail healthy and functional."

"For what? You basically can't do anything with it, right? It doesn't seem strong enough to hold anything."

A bit offended, Cardan uncovered his tail and sat up on the bed.

"It can't hold very heavy items, but it has enough strength to hold medium sized objects."

Having said that, Cardan took Jude's arm.

"Stay still."

His tail curled around her arm, and then, once her was sure that it had a solid grip on her, he attempted to pull her arm down. It wasn't enough to bring it down to the bed, after all Jude's arms were rather strong thanks to all of her sword training, however she could feel that the tail did have a fair amount of strength to it. Way more than she initially thought in fact.

But then, an image flashed in her mind. Seeing how the tail had tangled itself up on her arm, she remembered how it would do the same to her thigh and leg when they were...

Cardan sneered.

"Remembered something joyful my sweet Jude?"

In a hurry, she untangled the tail from her arm. It was an incredibly poor attempt to divert Cardan’s attention from her rosy cheeks.

"You could say that. Well, as much as I enjoyed fiddling with your tail, I think we should call it a day. Good night."

And so, she blew on the candles and buried herself under the covers next to her dear husband who did the same. However, sleep wasn’t on his mind at all. It never was. Jude guessed it was because they were a "new couple" and they were sharing a room, not to mention right after admitting their feelings to eachother. The smallest thing really did set him off to asking for it before sleep, and as much as Jude wanted to deny it, the thought also came flowing into her mind just as often and as easily. Difference being that she had loads more of self-restraint than her idiot husband.

Under the covers, as usual Cardan reached for her hips, pulling her towards him.

"Not only did my sweet wife not give me a goodnight kiss, but she’s also facing away from me? How cold. Almost heartless even."

"Don’t be so dramatic. And..." She paused. "I know what you truly want, from my knowledge it sure isn’t just a kiss that you’d like from me you foolish High King of perversion."

And with that very halfhearted attempt to supposedly shake him off, Jude didn’t even try to push his hands away. Which was more or less a signal between them that stated she was actually fine with doing it. And so, Cardan slyly pushed his tail in between her legs, then wrapped himself around one of her thighs in that familiar, possessive way of his. As if every single part of his body had to be in contact with hers. He was so close now that Jude could feel him smile against her neck.

"Is this possibly what you remembered earlier, my bewitching Queen?"

Suddenly, his tail wasn’t so adorable anymore. It was now a means to an end. Jude’s mind was racing, almost as fast as her heart. No matter how many times this happened, it was still enthralling.

"Cardan, say: is making love to me all you can think about?"

"...No. I also think a lot about you making love to me."

Not that anybody could see it, but Jude rolled her eyes. She wasn’t sure what kind of answer she expected but she should’ve seen this coming. Or at least, that was until what he said next.

"Well, jests aside, I do want to do a lot more things with you. However it feels like the only time we have alone for ourselves is either when we wake or just before we sleep."

"Then... want to take a break tomorrow?"

That was true. To keep up appearances they were "together" for a good chunk of the day, but it was always in front of the eyes of others. Jude wasn’t a fan of public displays of affection but she also didn’t want to dismiss their duties. And so they were stuck in this situation, if Cardan had been the one to decide, he would drop all those duties on the spot and push them back for a few days, no doubt. So as much as she hated to admit it to herself, his desperation was likely justified.

Jude surprised even herself with those words. In fact, she was maybe even more surprised than Cardan.

"I’d love that." For a moment, his tail’s hold on Jude’s thigh weakened. As if he was a bit shaken by what was said. Or maybe by what was about to be said. He continued. "For once, would you consider asking for me?"

"What?"

Jude was confused by those words that had yet to take a tangible meaning in her mind. In front of the complete confusion, Cardan followed once again.

"I mean, I... It feels like, I’m always the one asking for your love. Although you do answer back satisfyingly, for once I wish you’d initiate first."

Oh.

Well.

It’s true that this never crossed her mind. Now that she thinks about it, all of the times they had sex since they’ve been married, or even before that, the one who was always more overtly leading to it first was in fact Cardan. She was a bit embarrassed at how she could’ve missed this, she had to make it right.

She turned over, facing him as his tail untangled itself from her thigh, letting her be free with her movements. She placed the palm of her hand on his chest, slowly dragging it up and down as she spoke softly.

His eyes were already eager. Although Jude couldn’t see very well in the dark, Cardan’s vision was quite clear. Being asked for while she was displaying such a cute face must be criminal. Nonetheless, he held back his urges. It wasn’t good enough.

"Cardan Dear... I need you."

"More. Ask for it more clearly."

"I..." the words were stuck in the back of her throat, she wanted to convey her burning desire in a way that didn’t sound too ridiculous. Was it always this difficult for Cardan? Now that she thinks about it, he’s always been surprisingly articulate with her. Her on the other hand, not so much. She admits to herself that maybe her strength solely lies in rude words. The ones that hurt, the ones that make you angry and the ones that trick. So being asked to be explictly honest and gentle, it was a task that was hard to follow through.

"I’d like you to... um..."

"Yes...?"

"Uh. Wait, sorry. Shit. I didn’t think I was this shy. This is so stupid."

"It’s not, please be truthful."

Ah yes. The truth. Something so natural for Faeries but only an option for humans. Jude tried to switch her line of thought: What would she say if she were a Faerie? If she could only tell the truth, if there was no option to lie. Only honesty. Pure and simple.

"I’d like you to fuck me. To kiss my neck and lips. To wrap your tail around me again. I want to be under you as you look at me, knowing that you can clearly see everything I try to hide. Would that be okay? Please... Cardan."

Silence overtook the room for a couple of seconds. That is only until Cardan had no self-restraint left in him after that bold declaration. Bold yet so very cute. He pulled her body under his, covering her in a hug.

"W-Was that okay?"

"Oh my sweet darling, my evil temptress. Your honesty is irresistible, I’ll do anything you need from me."

And so, as she had asked, he wrapped himself around her again.

[reheatedpizza-rey]

dark!Wanda Maximoff x gn!reader - All the Same

Summary-> Wanda takes you in after she finds you all alone in the street. She seems nice at first but there's a hidden darkness to it which you realise all too late. (non-avenger au)

A.N-> This is my english story writing activity from when I was 14 so it's gonna be pretty shit. I just had to post something cuz my blog is high-key dead cuz of exams.

Word count-> ~2k

Content warnings-> ⚠️SUICIDE⚠️, ⚠️VAGUE EATING DISORDER⚠️, manipulation, what was I thinking when I wrote this, shitty writing

I ran and I ran through the forest, unsure of where I was going. The only thing on my mind was getting away from that hell. The hell where I was always walking on eggshells, where I was afraid of even breathing wrong, where I felt so lonely despite someone always being there watching my every. single. move. But now it would all be over. I could finally run away. I could finally be free. I could see the house where I had been tormented for so many years disappear into the darkness of the night and get hidden by the many trees and bushes of the forest. I could see a faint light in the distance. I rushed towards it, despite my legs feeling like they were being pierced through by a million knives all at once. 

I was on a road now. The bright street lights stung my eyes since they were only accustomed to the deep, damp darkness of the forest. Now that I was finally out of that hellscape and had a chance to breathe, it inevitably dawned on me that I had no idea what to do. I had been trapped inside that house all my life, so I didn’t know anyone in the outside world. Suddenly, I felt my vision going blurry; my head was spinning, water was gushing out of my eyes, my knees could barely support my body, and I collapsed. It all hurt so, so much. Out of nowhere, I felt a tap on my shoulder. 

  It was a beautiful girl. 

  She asked, "Are you ok?" concern laced into her words. It was like she actually cared. It was something I’d never experienced before.

I couldn’t respond. I was too overwhelmed with everything going on. She didn’t pry any further. She carefully helped me to my feet as she held my hand. I almost fell over again, but she caught me. We walked in silence for a few seconds before we reached a door. She unlocked it and led me inside. She had me sit on the sofa as she sat down next to me.

  She questioned, "Are you calmer now?" 

She waited patiently for my answer, which I delivered a few seconds later in the form of a small, barely audible "…yes." 

  "That’s great! Let’s get you cleaned up!" she exclaimed. 

  She left to go get something from the other room. I was confused for a second before I looked down and saw a huge cut on my left leg. "That must be why my legs hurt so much…" I quietly mumbled to myself. 

  She came back holding some antiseptic, cotton balls, and bandages. As she was cleaning up the wound, I finally got a chance to observe her features. 

  She had beautiful long red hair, which cascaded beautifully down her back, and shimmering green eyes, which looked beautiful in the moonlight. Truthfully, she was really beautiful. 

She first cleaned up the blood on my leg and the wound with the antiseptic and the cotton balls, which stung a lot. Tears were forming at the corners of my eyes as I winced at the pain. 

  She calmly shushed me and said, "Just bear with it for a second; it’ll be over soon." 

After a few seconds, she wrapped my leg with bandages. I tried to stand up but fell back onto the sofa. 

 She commented, "Your leg is hurt pretty badly." She continued, "I’ll help you get around until it heals." 

She then said, ‘’The night is still young; why don’t we get to know each other? If you’re up for it, of course." 

  I replied, "Sure, what do you want to know?" 

She responded, "Well, I still don’t know your name yet, so how about we start with that?" 

  I blushed slightly and replied, O-oh, sorry about that! My name is Y/N." 

She responded, "It’s fine." She giggled, "My name is Wanda!" 

  ‘Even her name is pretty…’ I thought to myself. 

We talked for a few more hours, and I got to know that she was studying to become a nurse and was thus away from her parents. I didn’t tell her much about me other than the fact that my parents were fairly wealthy and we used to live in a cabin out in the woods. We didn’t seem to realise that time was flying by as we were talking, and soon it was 12:30. We were both tired, so we decided to go to bed. She had an extra bed that I could sleep in. I tried to get up, but it hurt too much, so she decided to carry me to the room. 

The next morning, Ruby woke up first and woke me up as well. She was shocked to see me. I didn’t understand why she looked so shocked. 

  She then got closer to me and held my arm, and said in a worried tone, "You’re so thin! You look sickly; have you been eating well? I couldn’t see you that well in the darkness last night." 

  I was confused about what she meant by that since my mother would always say that I ate too much and should eat less. She must have noticed the confusion on my face since she didn’t ask any more questions and just decided to hug me and hold me close instead. 

  After a few seconds, she let go and went to the kitchen, gesturing for me to follow her. I rushed after her into the kitchen, where she was preparing breakfast. 

  She told me to go sit at the table. I waited for a few minutes before she came out, carrying two plates with two pancakes each. She placed one in front of me and one in front of herself as she sat down. She started eating, and so did I. 

  I could only manage a few bites before I felt full. I wasn’t used to having this much food. 

She must have noticed and asked me, "What’s wrong? Are they not to your liking?" 

  I hurriedly replied, "N-no they’re good; I’m just not used to eating this much." 

She looked confused and said, "This is very little food; how much do you normally eat?" 

  I replied, "Like half of this usually..." 

She looked extremely concerned and said, "Well, you really need to start eating more... Just finish half of it, ok?" 

  I didn’t know if I could eat that much, but still, I replied, "Ok, I’ll try…" 

She looked pleased at that response. A few minutes later, I was done with my food. 

  She then informed me that she had to leave for university and told me I could watch TV or something while I waited for her to come back. She came back pretty late and prepared dinner for the both of us. She gave me a pretty small portion, which was more than enough to fill me up. After eating, we both went to bed.

I continued to live with Wanda for a few more weeks. I learned how to cook from her on the weekends, and now I prepare dinner for the both of us when she was away at university. I’d even started eating slightly bigger portions. Everything was going well. One day, she came back pretty late again, but it was even later than usual. We were eating dinner as usual when she randomly started commenting on how much I was eating. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it went on for a few more weeks. She would comment on everything I did, from how much I ate to how I sat. I started eating less and less, and was soon back to eating barely anything. 

  One day, as I was waiting for her, I heard talking outside the door. I tried to listen to what they were saying but couldn’t really make much out at first, but then I heard Wanda’s voice. She was saying something about taking someone in because she felt ‘so, so bad’ for them. At first, I didn’t know who she was talking about, but soon I realised that it was me. 

  But the way she talked about me didn’t seem affectionate. Rather, it felt fake. Like I was just a pitiful object to show others just how kind she was.

  I went to the sofa because I didn’t want to listen anymore. I didn’t want to believe that I was just an object to her. I didn’t want to believe that the person who was so kind to me and the one who was the only reason I’m not dead just saw me as a trophy to show people. 

  She soon came inside and greeted me as if it were just any other normal day. Well, it might have been for her. I greeted her back, not wanting to seem off. We had dinner like normal, and she brought up that some people from university would be over tomorrow. 

 I just said, "Ok." And that was it. We both went to bed, and the next morning went as usual, with us eating breakfast together and her leaving for university. 

  That night, she came back with a few of her friends. They were all looking at me like I was just some object to be gawked at. I felt so uncomfortable under their gaze. They stayed for some time. They all mostly just ignored me as I sat beside Wanda as they all talked. They were all gone after a few hours. We had dinner as usual, though I didn’t talk as much today. We both went to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t shake off the feeling of betrayal.

The next morning, after Wanda had left, I was just sitting on the sofa all alone with my thoughts. Thoughts of all the negative things she had said to me. Comments regarding how much I ate, how I sat, how I dressed, and how I looked. Anything regarding my appearance was always commented on negatively. She reminded me of my mother. The very woman I had risked my life to escape. 

  Last night was the last straw. She really did just see me as a trophy. Something to boast to people about. I completely lost control of my body as it made its way towards the roof. 

  All I could think was, why am I even living anymore? I’d risked my life to escape my mother, but even after escaping her, the person I thought was the complete opposite of her was, in fact, just the same. If everyone is just the same, why should I even continue looking for someone different? 

  Soon, I was at the edge of the roof. All that was between me and my sweet escape from this world, which was worse than hell, was one single step. 

  Suddenly, I broke out of my trance-like state. I backed away. What was I even about to do? How could I be so stupid as to attempt to do something like that? Sure, Wanda might not care for me like I thought she did, but she’s still the reason I’m still alive. 

  But then, memories of last night flashed through my mind. Memories of being viewed as a mere object. Memories of people not even acknowledging my existence outside of the pitiful girl Wanda helped. 

  My vision got blurry. All I could see was the edge of the roof. I didn’t care about anything else. I just wanted to escape. And escape I did. 

The wind brushing the skin of my face felt so nice. The sound of the wind rushing by blocked out any other noise. It was rather calm, considering I was falling to my death. After a few moments of rare tranquility, Thud. And then it all went dark.

[chicxxonaa]

Hehehe, this is my second post following up my first one. I’m still getting used to my layouts of my posts. So please enjoy. 💜

CW: None, heavy angst, some fluff, Geto’s perspective on missing Gojo :(

Christmas has passed again

The new year is approaching as well.

And..you’re not here.

…

The girls laugh and play with the toys I bestowed on them. They’re so happy and healthy. But I can’t find it in my strength to smile as much as they can.

They’re tucked away and asleep now.

I look outside the window where I can see the city scape.

The air is chilled as it blankets over the night like a shroud.

And all I want to think about is you.

You, oh infinite one.

The gifted six eyed child.

You are the strongest.

But do you feel strong right now?

Don’t you feel tired like how I am?

Do you feel the weight of our souls crushing?

Is my pain in correspondence to yours?

…

I try to look out for you anywhere where I think you might be there.

The first I think of is your hair. So many people had the idea to compare you to chilled snow. But I beg to differ. Bright, untamed, a beautiful white.

The kind of white that the sun reflects on fresh blankets, drying outside on a spring day. The kind that is shown on beautiful chrysanthemums, gently blowing amongst the breeze. You were never much for caring about your look, so your hair was always so similar to like cotton, easy to mess up and pull apart. Like a dandelion, so easy to blow away, they speckled your eyelashes, some of the hair in your arms, and a little bit found in your cheeks. But in a way, it was so different, that I never thought I’d love something as much as your hair.

…

I saw my girls laugh and smile and their sounds of joy rang me to a time when you laughed and smiled with me.

God your smile was infectious. Like a flu i was willing to catch. So much so I was getting annoyed.

Your mouth was wide. Wide enough to see your smile spread across your face like dough. Every teeth, fang, part of your gums would be visible when you smiled. The kind of smile that was carved carefully by some benevolent being above you and I. Only something I was so gifted to see. A perfect array of pearls to form the most magnificent necklace across your lips. If could, I’d frame it in the confines of my mind where I would stare at awe in the museum of my memories.

…

I stared at the lights below the city and tried to see your eyes.

I was never so appealed to the sky. It was blue, what was such a big deal? It was simple science. The only phenomenon that was so simple, and sometimes so dull of this earth.

That was until when we skipped class the first time as first years to head to the roof. The sun was directly shining above us as we played a make shift game of catch and laughed so the world could hear.

You took off those round dark shades you always wore to wipe off your face. You never told me why you wore such glasses. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but what about them did you decide to keep them closed? Because when you took the end of your shirt to wipe off the sweat from your brows, you looked up.

Eyes without a face.

The blue in your eyes matched perfectly with the late summer sky. Like I was looking into a kaleidoscope of the sea. The windows to the soul, and your soul felt like that day. Your eyes were the sky, and your face was the sun. What a beautiful sun. I was willing to become blind to see you. Gaze at you. My blue sun.

…

Your skin was as pale as mine. But yours was like porcelain. Not a single scar, cut or mole in sight. A marble statue of desire. It’s all I can think about when I see this snow fall. That perfect skin, the holy body. Only one I can see when I have been wiped of my sins. But you’d wipe them for me with your touch. Velvety, innocent and yet the night of our first kiss, I died when I felt that heavenly death. And then resuscitated when I pulled back.

…

The one thing I try so desperately to remember, so desperately to salvage like a broken record in my mind, tainted with grime and dust, trying so hard to clean any distortions, is your voice.

God, I love your voice.

Every time you’d talk with that boisterous voice of yours, whether it was to say something cocky, a joke with no value, a laugh, a yell, a cry. When you said my name.

I couldn’t help but feel the heat of it all around me, suffocating me and drowning my ears in your sound.

But I remember one blue hour. Three in the morning, when all was still, tranquil.

You came into my room silently as to not disturb, but you know I don’t really sleep well. Less now that it’s been two years without you by my side.

You stand over me and my bed for a moment, mustering up the courage to speak to me. You call out my name in a whisper and I respond.

“Suguru,”

“What is it?”

“I can’t sleep..”

“Hm. Why?”

“…I can’t sleep without you near me..”

“Hm..”

“Can I…lay here with you?”

“…yes, you can”

As you laid down beside me in what was normally a twin bed, I could feel the weight of the mattress shift lower. But I did my best to make you more comfortable than I. You smelled of fresh body wash with a hint of your newly washed white tee. Your back was towards me. I didn’t find that satisfactory.

“Satoru”

“Hm?”

“Can you face me?”

You carefully turned over to face me.

“I wanna hear why you can’t sleep.”

“But I just told you.”

“Tell me again.”

“Why..?”

“…The sound of your voice helps me sleep. Like a lullaby.”

I can see your ears get red, even in such a dark room. You leaned forward and kissed me, and then proceeded to tell me a bit about your day, what you think of people, what you think of yourself. Every hum, every vowel, noun, verb, any name including mines that you’d speak from your tongue, was like music to me. I wanted to replay it over and over again. I didn’t want you to stop. I wanted to sleep to your tune.

You were the lullaby to my dreams. I wish I slept longer.

…

You’re not as mysterious as you claim to be you know. At least not to me. You’re a crystal ball, I see what you are when you’re like this. Vulnerable, beautiful. You’re not a god like you say you are. You’re beyond that.

You’re not an instrument of the world.

You’re not a gifted person.

You’re not the strongest.

You’re human.

Was mortality not enough for you?

…

The world is asleep, I’m not.

Your memories frost over the window pane of my apartment.

The new year is coming, and you’re not here.

Satoru

I miss you.

[catonator]

Funny heading to a blogpost on videogames that’s some sort of reference

Look, I already used the ctrl+alt+delete quote in a blogpost title. It’s February 2024, and it’s already a very wild year for gaming. We’ve had more layoffs than with the entirety of 2023, games shown off at events seem to be stagnating, interest in the art is waning. Youtube is filled with “modern gaming sucks” doomer blackpill videos. It’s a miserable time.

Is gaming just over?

Well, no. Of course not. The Sonic franchise has lingered for decades despite consistent failure. Games are more resilient than that.

Humanity’s relation to computing is still pretty fresh, and I’d say that despite the size and scale of a lot of it, we’re still going through major growing pains. Concepts like video games, the internet and special effects are still pretty new, despite being around for twice or thrice as long as most of the people reading this have been alive. Internal combustion engine -powered cars were invented in 1808, made mass produced in the 1910s, and even then it took until the 1950s for them to be common enough for the US government to bother designing cities around them. In the present day, many have come to resent the car-centric design mentality, even though the driving (no pun intended) factor behind them was mainly the same as with technology today: scientific and technological progression is unquestionably good, and therefore new and successful ideas should be pushed and relied upon as hard as possible. What could possibly go wrong?!

Video games are far from the only medium which is seeing similar problems. Movies have suffered greatly from a capeshit infestation, in which the abuse of VFX artists is valued over, you know, basics of good filmmaking, and the general public is clearly sick of it. On the internet, we’ve decided that megastructures like Twitter are better than forms of communication we’re good at, and it’s gone horribly wrong. We’re still learning the “do”s, “don’t”s and “who the fuck thought this was a good idea”s of tech.

Games as an artform are as alive as they ever were, but the sheer scale of the operations has grown to a point where nobody can really understand it. The numbers behind playerbases and the money traffic have so many zeroes that you can’t even fathom the number. Even if I used some metaphorical figure, like 20 000 cars. Shockingly, despite how console sales haven’t really increased in numbers (the top selling console of all time is still the PS2), most of the top-grossing games of all time are relatively recent. This implies that the behaviour of consumers has shifted from purchasing a variety of different kinds of games into purchasing fewer games of fewer different kinds. And I don’t think it’s a case of customers deciding to shift over naturally.

In the past decade or so, the gaming industry has decided sensible experiences are a way of the past, and the future is making games for debt and making back the money with horse armour and other garbage the general public doesn’t really want.

But we’ve seen this shit before. In the 90s, 3D was “the future”, and 2D pixel art or hand-drawn art in general seemed to go the way of the dodo for polygons and ““realism””. About a decade later, 2D art would see a resurgence and in some cases overtake the big lads in lasting impact. In the end, people crave personal stories, varying ideas, and interesting ways to tell them. Not much has changed since ancient Greeks, besides that the medium of storytelling has largely shifted from some guy standing on a stage, trying to explain another world, to electronic devices actually showing us the other worlds.

I think as we play out the Icarus stories in real time, we’ll also learn when boundaries are pushed too far, and the scale of the bullshit simply collapses in on itself. When that happens, the public is forced to step back and reevaluate the ways we thought were the future, and what really is better for all of us.

When a storm flattens a forest of dead, decrepit trees, the sun and rain can now reach the ground and cultivate a new generation of different plant life. Once hidden beneath the dead corpses, now able to grow and bloom in a way the old generation never could. You should just keep doing what you think is right. Now’s the time more than ever to be the backbone of a better industry, for many applications of tech, from games to communication. And it’s better, if the backbone comes from the grassroots, and isn’t defined by the megacorporations. Because those cunts will never learn from their failures.

[elodiah]

10 Questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag @kcscribbler and @lokimobius !

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22, which isn’t too bad considering I’ve only been writing fic for less than 4 months.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

90,309. Ooh, getting closer to 100k…

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Loki/Lokius, although I have written a mini-fic for Red Dwarf (Rimster ship)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always always ALWAYS. Comments, even tiny ones, make me giddy. I reply out of pure, unadulterated appreciation that not only has someone read my fic, but they actually bothered to say something about it too. Such a buzz and deserves a thank you. I often end up writing more in my replies than the commenter wrote, hehe.

5. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

6. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, but I’m probably open to it? Although in terms of logistics, the way I write fics isn’t conducive to a collaboration (i.e. tapped out on the Notes app on my phone, I’m not kidding 🤣🤣)

7. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Well obviously right now I’d say Lokius, because I’m hyperfixated and can’t see past that. A year ago I would have said Rimmer/Lister (Rimster) from Red Dwarf. Maybe I’ll say Lokius is my fave, but Rimster is my longest-running (since 1999!)

My Mulder/Scully hyperfixation pre-dates that, but I haven’t ACTIVELY shipped them in many years, I just love them from afar now, lol.

8. What are your writing strengths?

I’m not actually sure? I know I have strengths, but can’t really put my finger on anything in particular. I enjoy writing angsty hurt/comfort, so I’m probably not too bad at that, and I can be good at scene-setting and describing actions, gestures, etc, if my brain is braining sufficiently.

9. What are your writing weaknesses?

I’ve been saying until this past week that I’m 100% incapable of writing softness/fluff (without an angsty, pain-filled preface at least). Turns out it’s not so much I can’t write it, it’s that I can’t write it without being provided with explicit prompts from outside sources! So “coming up with fluff ideas and developing them” is up there as a struggle.

I also don’t have a good time with dialogue. I’ve had compliments on my dialogue a few times which is really lovely, but it does not come naturally to me at all, and I will often avoid making my characters talk a great deal.

10. First fandom you wrote for?

Red Dwarf! My first ever fic, and the only one which is not Loki. I half-wrote it in Jan 2023, then in March this year remembered it, dusted it off, finished it and posted it. I was terrified, but when I woke up to comments and kudos the next morning I felt like I was walking on air, so I dove into Lokius that same day and haven’t stopped. 🥰

No-pressure tagging @silentxsymphony , @mirilyawrites , and @impulsemuppet

[wiypt-writes]

Consciousness Of Guilt Ch 24

Summary: It’s the countdown to Christmas, and you and Andy have a very excited almost 3 year old…and a pain in the ass Elf to contend with.

Warnings: Language, adult themes, Smut (NSFW, 18+)

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar the reader and any other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer. I do not consent to my work being translated or posted elsewhere. If you see this fiction on any site other than Tumblr it has been taken without permission.

W/C: 7.3k

A/N: Thanks to my beta @spectre-posts

Consciousness Of Guilt Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 23

According to Ferris Bueller, “life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Well, you certainly could relate.

Within what felt like such a short amount of time; Lucy was growing, life was rapidly changing and there was no slowing down. You had gone back to work and while that was an adjustment in and of itself, you enjoyed the opportunity to work from home as well when necessary. Lucy was attending a daycare in the lobby of the building, and it gave you (and Andy) a chance to check in on her. Although you weren’t sure it were a good idea in the beginning as you knew Andy was down there “watching” or “checking in” far more than you were. Ron even would joke that if one couldn’t find Andrew Barber in his office then his calls should be 

“forwarded to the nursery in the lobby.”

And speaking of Ron, the end of the year was fast approaching and so was his retirement. The founding partner had given the news to yourself, Andy and the board with their spouses present at a dinner party they’d hosted at autumn’s start. He had declared that he would be stepping down at the end of February the following year. That meant many changes were coming including adding much more to Andy’s desk. Because, with Ron’s announcement, came another vote to seat Andy as the second head of the firm.

Simply put, it was as if you and Andy had merely blinked, and here you were. Your baby girl now almost three, and another year about to draw to a close.

You woke and stretched, leaning over to give Andy a quick peck on the cheek good morning. He stirred, and smiled, his arm moving to slip round your back.

“Morning, Angel.”

“Good morning, BB.” You smiled as your lips brushed his. “Happy first of December.”

Andy snorted, “whoopee…” You playfully slapped his chest and he laughed. “Seriously, what’s to get excited about? You’ve already put the tree up…it went up the day before Thanksgiving.”

You knew he was only half-serious. Whilst he’d grumbled it was far too early, when he’d seen how excited his little girl at the boxes of decorations, he’d got stuck right in to help.

“Listen, Mr Grinch…have you forgotten what’s waiting downstairs?”

At that, Andy grinned. This was the first year that Lucy had really appreciated and understood what Christmas was and her excitement was infectious.

“I can’t wait for her to see it.”

The two of you laid quietly talking for a few minutes, until Andy’s alarm obnoxiously signaled it was time to get up.

"Hit snooze," you suggested.

Andy sighed, “I’d love to, but I have a lot of prep today.”

You groaned, "alright. I'm working from home today. I'll keep Looby with me."

Andy groaned as he stretched. “I know it’s only a DUI and possession but whilst he’s pleading guilty for the DUI, on the rest he claims he’s been stitched up…”

You rolled to your side, facing his side of the bed, "well, I know it's been tough so far, but I’m sure it's going to work out."

“It feels like an awful amount of prep for something so minor, but there’s huge implications here that go behind the verdict.”

“Like…”

“Bent cops.” Andy wrinkled his nose. 

“Oh…”

“Yeah,” Andy shrugged a little, before his arm which lay under your neck threaded into the hair at the back of your head. “Busy couple of weeks before the holidays.”

You nodded and leaned up for a kiss. "You best get up, or I'll kidnap you."

“Isn’t kidnapping when it’s done against your…” he trailed off, the joke dying on his lips. “Fahk, Angel…that was…”

Your eyes grew soft, "Hey....," you cupped his face, "Andy no, it's okay. I'm okay."

He took a deep breath and accepted the soft kiss you gave him. “I know, I still don’t like the…the jokes, you know?”

Before you could reply, a little voice called out echoing down the landing and through the monitor on the bedside table.

“Daddy! Mommy! Isss awakes!” 

“Well, that's a new record," you snorted. "That’s your fault for reminding her last night she’s got her advent calendars to open.”

"Me? I did no such thing, that was Penny sending that fahkin' ugly bright box of which, no doubt, is full of shit prizes and candy."

“Oh hush!” You giggled, “you know full well she’s more excited about that glittery card dinosaur one you managed to find!”

Andy chuckled as you moved so he could climb out of bed, his bare torso flexing a little as he headed out of the room, Grant following. He opened the baby gate into Lucy’s room to find her sat up, the early light from the sunrise illuminating her slightly.

“Good morning Looby-Saurus.” He beamed.

“Hi Daddy Wex!” She giggled as Grant hopped up onto her toddler bed and stuck his nose into her face. “Gwant!”

“Stupid dog…” Andy grumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Daddy nos calls Gwant!” Lucy admonished as she stared up at him and Andy couldn’t help but snort at the expression she wore, so like you.

“Okay, okay.” He grinned and swooped her up in his big arms. She still sometimes looked so small in them to him, his precious girl. "Do you want to come snuggle Mommy so I can get ready for work?"

“Yup yup yups!” She hugged him round his neck and then she gasped. “Oh…iss a-vent day?”

He groans a little, "yep, it's advent day."

She squealed. “We goes?”

"Yes, but after I get dressed for work."

“Otay…”

"I'll be quick, promise." He kissed her cheek as he walked them into his room.

“Mommy!” Looby grinned as she saw you sat up in the large bed.

"Good morning, Looby Loo!"

“Iss assvent!”

"I know! Are you excited?"

In the corner of your eye, you saw Andy trying not to laugh at the unfortunate mispronunciation of the word.

“I so esscited!”

Andy headed into the bathroom, and you smiled at Lucy.

"I tell you what. Let’s go grab your robe and your slippers, make sure you’re warm when we go down, yeah?”

"Does it snows wast night?"

“I think so.” You grinned, “shall we see?”

"Outs dare?" She pointed to the French doors on your balcony.

"Yep, go see!"

She hopped down from your bed and ran to the long curtains, pulling them apart as she pushed her face through. “Mommy! More snows!”

"Oh my! Well, we'll just have to go out in it, won't we?" You laugh. “Make a snowman!”

“Wike Olaf!” Looby grinned as you climbed out of bed and grabbed Andy’s sweater from the vanity chair.

"Yes!" You pulled it on over your sleep cami.

That was when Andy threw open the bathroom door and rushed out in only a towel. "Sorry, two minutes." he quickly said and grabbed his underwear and undershirt, running back in.

“Daddy siwwy.”

"Yes, he is!" You carried her back to her room to get her robe and slippers. Andy met you two in the hall, his tie hanging around his neck and his jacket fisted in his hand. The smell of his shower gel, aftershave and the linger of toothpaste was a particularly heady mix that morning.

"Okay, let's get your advent!” He swooped up Lucy as she grinned and clapped. 

You followed and smiled at Andy as you opened the door to the huge open plan loving area of your old farmhouse. Andy set your daughter down and she immediately squealed.

“Oh. Wow!” You gasped as Andy took a dramatic inhale, “what on Earth…”

"Wassat, Wassat?!"

“It looks…it looks like an elf!” Andy grinned as Lucy ran to the little elf doll on the sofa. The Elf was sat holding a balloon.

"Das 'L' for Lucy!" She bounced on the spot, pointing at the balloon.

“You’re right.” Andy nodded. “That’s what it says. Hi, Lucy!”

Jumping up and down with pure glee, she took the sign and handed it to you.

You gasped, "Bunny, I think it's... It's a note, look!

“Issat?” Her eyes widened.

"Hang on, I need to make sure it's real...." Andy took the note from you and squinted as he inspected the teeny writing on the page. “Miss Lucy Jo Barber, Sheephill Cottage!” He read with an astonished tone. “It is real!”

"Reads it, Dadd-wex, peas!"

“Okay…” Andy took a deep breath and opened the letter. “Hi Lucy! I’m your special elf! I’m new, from the North Pole, and Santa sent me to your home especially so we can play together!” He paused as Lucy gasped.

You could help the grin that matched your daughter's as Andy read. This was definitely going to be the best part of the season.

“Like all new elves, I don’t have a name. So, the first thing we can do together is pick one. Anything you want, as long as it isn’t a rude word like…” Andy gasped and playfully looked at Lucy, “like fart or butt…”

She giggled and covered her grin with her small hands.

“You can play with me all day, but at night you have to leave me under the tree so that I can report back to Santa through the special Red bauble…”

"I can do it, I can do it!"

“I can’t wait to play and have lots of adventures. With love, from your Elf!” Andy finished. “Well, how awesome is that?!”

"I so esscited! I has to name hims! Don't goes!"

Andy chuckled, “I have to get to work soon, Bunny but…okay, a couple of minutes.”

"Think really hard, Lucy... A name is special." You encouraged.

“Erms….Pickles!”

Andy snorted, “what?"

“Pickles!”

Andy was about to ask why, but his phone rang. It was Ron. "Angel... I..."

“Yeah, okay…go. See you tonight.”

"I love you," he bent and kissed you. Then he kneeled down, "I gotta go, Bunny, come gimme a kiss then you and 'Pickles' can play."

“Bye daddy!” She ran to him and kissed his bearded cheek. “I wobes you.”

"I love you, too." He stood and kissed you again before rushing out.

"So," you clapped your hands together and smirked, "what are we going to do with Pickles?"

And that was how it started.

You quickly realized the Elf couldn’t be left “under” the tree as Grant took a liking to him, and on the first night, Andy spent a good five minutes trying to retrieve him from your dog’s jaws. 

Then, each and every day you had to remind yourself or Andy to move the damn elf, that fast became an annoying and obnoxious chore. But seeing Lucy’s reaction each morning was so worth it. It was in the kitchen hanging off the fridge, it was in the bathroom Lucy used being naughty using the sink as a tub. It scuba dived in Grant’s water bowl, pulled all the cushions off the couch, left a trail of marshmallow footprints all over the kitchen counters….When it was Andy's turn to move it, you'd learned to double check the setup, for the first time he was in charge there was a very precarious pose your husband had put it in. So, you had to fix it. And that was how every turn Andy had went, so you had to scold him each time as you fixed it before Lucy saw.

But one Tuesday evening, a few weeks after his 46th birthday, Andy outdid himself.

You’d arranged Pickles on the coffee table with one of Lucy’s Barbie Dolls, and a few of her dinosaurs around a little table of their own along with a sign that informed everyone that this was a “tea-rex” party. You’d left to go grab a drink from the kitchen and come back to find Pickles’ head was now between Barbie’s legs and Andy was bent over the scene, giggling like a naughty schoolboy.

“Andrew!”

"What?” He spun to face you.

“You absolute child!”

“Hey, Picks has to try Barbie at least once in his life!"

“You are the…” you slapped the back of his head, causing him to yelp, “absolute worst!”

"Oh c'mahn!" He drawled in his Boston baroque as you moved to fix the toy porn scene in front of you. “I mean I'm naht a Barbie man myself, but..." he  wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling your neck.

“You’re not?”

"Nope...." he kissed your skin. "I like wings."

“Smooth….”

"I have my moments," he snorted.

“Hmmm…” you moved in his arms, turning to face him.

"It's just a little fun, Angel," he smirked and kissed the tip of your nose. "You laughed, something you haven't done for a week."

You sighed. "I know, it's been busy. With both Amber and Eva already gone, and now the nursery closed for the holidays, I've been overloaded. And I'm still not feeling well."

“No?” He frowned. “I thought you said you were yesterday?”

"I just still feel tired and run down," you sighed. "Honestly, it's just the full plate but now that I'm working from home, it'll get easier. Especially with you and Ron buttoning up this case. I didn't want to say much because you're so stressed and putting in the hours."

Andy took a deep breath, “well, we have the closing arguments tomorrow so…that’s it. If no verdict by 5pm, it’s deferred until new year. I’ll be finished tomorrow evening regardless.”

"Good," your hands ran up his cotton tee covered chest and sighed. "You wanna light that fire now? We can turn the lights out and leave the tree on?"

“Mmmm get comfy, huh?” He smiled and leaned down to kiss you. “Any of that red we opened at dinner left?”

"A bit. Maybe a glass each."

“Just enough.” He smiled, “the Christmas order from the Wine club should be arriving tomorrow or the day after. I stuck a few bottles of the cheap stuff in so we can make mulled wine.”

"My favorite," you slipped from his arms and padded back toward the kitchen.

When you came back a small fire was just starting to pick up. Andy tossed on more kindling before, once satisfied it was going to take, he chucked on a log.

You passed off his glass and he took it with a soft smile, but not without kissing you gently in the glow. His free hand rest against the small of your back.

You loved the night times. Andy always made time for Lucy when he came home, playing, bathing, and reading her a story. But once she was tucked in, and it was just the two of you, he relaxed even more.

"I love you," you bumped your nose against his.

“I love you too.” He smiled, his lips brushing yours.

"What now, counselor?"

“Movie? Sit on the rug and talk?

"Rug sounds good to me,” you winked.

You both settled down, you sat between his legs, your back settled in against his chest as he leaned against the oak coffee table. One of his long legs was extended flat along the floor, the other bent at the knee.

The two of you drank your wine and talked, in the easy way you’d always been able to. Andy’s hands would rub up and down your forearms and sometimes his lips would kiss your neck. Your hands would move up and down the top part of his shin or fingers would draw lines and swirls over his thigh.

It was peaceful, intimate, and in the comfortable moments of silence, the crackle of the fire filled the room making it feel even more homely and cozy. 

As the flames started to die down, you checked your watch.

"It's late, Andy," you spoke with a softness almost as if any louder you might disturb the silent night. "You don't want to be late in the morning."

“Ten more minutes.” He whispered, his lips kissing the back of your shoulder.

"Alright," you sighed in appreciation.

His lips didn’t move far from your skin. His beard tickled you as it gently rubbed against the crook of your shoulder.

You reached back to curl your hand around his neck. Your fingers ran down the length of his neck.

He hummed in appreciation, as his lips found the hinge of your jaw. You responded the same. But you leaned your body into him more as your fingers scratched at the shorter hairs along the back of his head and a hand pressed further into his thigh.

As he nuzzled into you, one hand moved, splaying across your belly as the other arm wrapped across your chest. Your hum turned into breathy grunt and sigh.

The hand that was splayed on your belly slid further down, fingers softly brushing the inside of your right thigh through your sleep pants. The other softly traced the swell of your breast. A gentle moan left your throat at the feel of his hands on you like that. Your body easily responding to your husband’s touch with a delicate yet elevated sensitivity.

Andy sighed, his lips now at your chin as his fingers danced over your nipple, which was peaked through the soft material of your sleep shirt. “Oh, Angel…so responsive for me…”

You whimpered at his voice and touch, "Mmm, yeah.” You tilted your hips back against him. His lips met yours as you felt the hand on your thigh slipping beneath the waistband of your pants.

You gasped into his mouth, the tickle of his fingers passing your mound was pleasurable. Your own fingers curled into his hair. His mouth hovered over yours, his eyes twinkling as he slowly circled your clit with his fingers, the other hand now slipping into the neckline of your top.

The twist of your body against his chest gave you a better angle to feel his hot breath against your lips. Your hips tilted forward just a pinch to practically fall into that finger circling you. You jutted your chin just a fraction outward to capture a kiss as his hand now cupped your breast.

He gave a squeeze and his thumb rubbed over your nipple now with the pad of his thumb against your skin. It was slow, delicate, like a strum to a guitar string.

"Mmm," you hummed against his lips.

“Good?” His voice was a grunt as his tipped his hips forward, his hardness pressing into the dip of your back.

"Yeah," you whispered. "S'good...."

“Can I fuck you like this?” he rasped.

Your belly knotted as your chest fluttered, "ah, fuck, yes...."

You didn’t wait, your hands moved, and you pulled off your top and then tipped your head back round to Andy. 

“Lose yours.”

His hand came away from your sleep pants, your clit missing his touch, as he took that very hand to single handedly pull that collar of his sleep shirt over his head.

You moved as he did so, slipping your sleep pants down and you heard Andy groan a little behind you.

"Good?" You smirked.

He chuckled as you felt him shuffle, hands on your hips as you knelt up. He eased you back over him, one hand letting go to grip at his dick. As you moved yourself backwards, you felt his head brushing through your folds, and you moaned. 

“That feels good…”

Andy sighed pleasurably as you rocked over his cock. His head tickled your clit and a delightful whimper sounded from your lips at the feel. His hands remained at your hips, not pushing, or pulling, simply resting as you dictated your speed.

It all felt so good. His hands on you, your hands bracing yourself at his thighs as you rubbed along his shaft. You felt a stir inside and changed tactic, wanting him inside you.

You stopped and shifted backwards, Andy immediately obliging. His tip slipped in with ease and you slowly sank down on him. The remnants of the burning embers and fire, now near gone, still warmed you and  the Christmas lights around you casted a romantic glow across your bodies.

You leaned back against his chest as he tipped his hips upwards, both of you sighing as he filled you.

After a minute, your hips rolled as you snaked that hand and arm back and up around his neck and nape. His lips nipped at your shoulder, hands sliding up your rib cage until they cupped both of your breasts.

"Yes," you hissed. You splayed your fingers over the back of his head as the heel of your hand cradled the base.

His hips were slow, thrusts deep as his palms squeezed your mounds before his fingers pinched your nipples.

"Fuck, Andy," you squirmed.

His hands continued, teasing you as his rolls were measured. His lips brushed up your neck.

Your skin felt like it was on fire and not from the dying flames, but from Andy's touch and his deep thrusts. He filled your still tight insides with a stretch you'd grown accustomed to, desired most days and begged for at times. The way his soft hands were gentle always at first but demanding when begged for.

“Feel so good, Angel.”

"Yeah, it does," you replied with a whine. "Jesus, Andy, it's real good."

His fingers continued their massaging and plucking, your nipples so sensitive as his rolls and thrusts picked up pace ever so slightly.

Your delicate walls began to flutter against his shaft as it rubbed along your ridges. The hooded edge of his tip kissed your spongy surface as the slow drag of his thrusts slipped through you.

He kept that same, steady pace to the end, and you came with a soft whimper as his teeth nipped your shoulder.

Your weight settled with a welcome slouch against his lap as you became pliant to his touch. Your orgasm had your whole body tingling and every sense was intensified. You could feel the fibers of his hair on his thighs, the grooves of his teeth on your skin. Even the prints of his fingers and thumbs felt like imprints on your nipple and breasts.

“Oh, baby…” he cooed, “there we go…”

"Fuck, Andy...."

Andy could feel you, squeezing him as you trembled in his lap.

"Jesus, Angel...."

You could only whimper as your body kept going. It was as if a shorter, weaker, second orgasm was trickling through. An aftershock of sorts.

You were that caught up, you didn’t feel Andy as he came, but you heard his little grunt in your ear.

The room was silent bar your heavy breaths mixing with his. There was a peppering sound of soft kisses, but it were only for your ears.

"That was good, Angel."

“Mmmm.”

He lightly chuckled with a rasp to his voice but made no attempt to move you, and the two of you remained there for a bit longer.

****

Neither of you wanted to get up the next morning, but Andy knew the end was in sight. He was up, showered, downstairs and waiting with coffee before you and Lucy appeared.

He could hear the two of you in her room, giggling in excitement at what Pickles could have been up to overnight. He smirked with a flick of his brows knowing damn well what the little shit had been up to.

Soon after, the door opened and Looby ran into the room and squealed, “looks!”

"Oh my, he's had a party with your other friends!" You grinned and your eyes moved over to Andy. 

He smirked at you over his mug. “Yeah, said friends look really happy. Bet Barbie had a great time last night.

You blushed, "Angel did."

He said nothing, merely arched a brow and you knew he was smug as fuck.

Breakfast was the usual affair and at 8:15 you kissed him goodbye so he could make the half hour drive to Denver.

As he went through security, he placed his case in the conveyor belt and walked through the scanner. As Andy replaced his belt and watch, stuck his phone back in his pocket, the guy at the X-ray machine peered carefully at the screen before he chuckled to himself and looked Andy.

“Merry Christmas, Mr Barber.”

"Merry Christmas, Jack," he smirked. "Have a good one."

He grabbed his case and jacket and headed through. A few moments later he entered the courtroom as spectators did but slipped through the bailiff to sit at the Defense table. He placed his case down on the desk in front of his seat, an empty one to the left where his client would sit and turned to Ron as he clicked the clasps on his case open.

“Good evening?” Ron smiled.

"Great evening,"

“Dare I ask?” Ron snorted.

Andy just smugly grinned, "Nope."

Ron chuckled as Andy opened the case and stopped dead.

“What the…” his boisterous laugh filled the room as those around took a glare at him.

“I don’t…how the hell…” he chuckled as he turned his open case to Ron. There, on top of his files, led Pickles.

Now, it was Ron's turn to join in on the laughter.

“Is that the famous Pickles?” He reached for the elf.

"That it is," Andy shook his head.

Ron grinned as he sat the Elf doll on the edge of the desk.

“Shit, Ron! You can’t…” but Andy’s attention was jerked away as the Bailiff called for order and their client was led in.

"All rise...." the spiel went on and as the judge sat down then told everyone to do the same, his eyes shot up at the defendants side.

"Barber, what the hell is that?"

Ron snorted as clearly Andy was head seat and was taking the ticking off from His Honor.

“Erm…I…”

“A new witness.” Ron quipped.

“No, I…it’s… Ron!” Andy hissed.

“It’s a little unbecoming to try and enter a new witness at such a late stage,” the Judge’s mouth twitched a little. Various titters rang round the court room.

“I’m sorry, your Honor. My daughter…she must have snuck it into my bag…” Andy grabbed the doll and pinched the bridge of his nose, “I can only apologize.”

"I'm a grandfather to twelve Barber, I get it. They’ve all had these damned Elf On A Shelf things each year for ages. But the merry little shits are annoying as hell, so put...."

"Pickles, Your Honor..." Ron interjected to more laughter.

"Pickles," the judge snorted, "back in the case until recess, huh?"

“Yes, sir…it’ll stay in there, believe me.” Andy tossed the doll into his case and closed it with a snap. “More than my life is worth to lose him.”

He glared at Ron as he sat back down, the soon retiring senior partner grinning like a fool back at him.

Thankfully, the rest of the proceedings went according to plan. The summing up was completed and then before lunch the jury were sent to consider their verdict. To Andy’s surprise, they were called by the clerk less than three hours later as the verdict was in.

Andy bit his lip and exhaled with relief as the verdict came back not guilty. The Judge nodded, and then following the sentencing for the DUI and a final consultation with their client, Andy and Ron left the courthouse. As they were leaving, the DA pulled them both to one side, informing them that she would be sanctioning an investigation into the allegations of corruption.

After Andy promised the firm would help in any way they could, they headed out into the cold air, buoyed by both the result and the fact it was now officially over in time for Christmas.

“Well,” Ron turned to Andy as he paused at his Mercedes, “not a bad one to bow out on.” He smirked as he opened his car door. “Maybe you should thank the elf…”

"You know, you're still my boss, or I'd say fahk you," he snorted.

“Only for another 2 months.” Ron grinned, “hit me with your worst!”

"Man, just 2 months left. I can’t believe you’re bowing out, you bastard!" Andy chuckled.

"Oh yes, yes I am," Ron touted. "I've put in my time. I'm seventy, and I’m done."

Andy had the door open to his Audi coupe, "I'm heading back for a few hours before going home.”

“What? Why? Fuck that! It’s back past your house to go to the office and you’ve done enough. We tied everything up, so go home. That’s an order, and as I’m still your boss…”

“Fahking fahk you!” Andy snorted, as Ron shot him a look. “Okay, okay, I’ll go home!”

“Good! I’ll check.”

“Don’t I know it. Hey, are you and Giselle coming by for dinner still?"

“Absolutely, be with you at seven-ish. Unfortunately, I’m driving as the boys, wives, and grandkids land early tomorrow morning so…”

“Yeah, you mentioned. Don’t worry, Y/N’s made mulled cider, not wine. Coupla beers if you fancy. Lucy will no doubt have us up at the crack of dawn, so we won’t have much either. Save it for tomorrow.”

“Speaking of my little pal, will she still be up tonight when we arrive or…”

“Well, she goes down around seven but she’s not in nursery, sure we can let her stay up a little longer. You never know, she may lay in tomorrow, I can pray for a Christmas miracle.” Andy winked.

"Good," Ron winked, "I'd hate to miss spoiling my God daughter on Christmas Eve Eve!" Ron chuckled and slipped into his Mercedes. He rolled down the window and shouted over the loud dual muffler. "See you at seven!"

With a smirk, Andy climbed into his car and pulled out of the lot, dialing his secretary’s number just to check in. By the time he was home, he was satisfied all his loose ends for the years were tied up and he was absolutely ready for the ten or so days break he would get.

The moment he stepped inside the house, he could smell the spirit of Christmas. Clearly, you'd been busy. And the motley crew of decorated cookies who seen better days proved so as they sat on the counter.

“Daddy!”

"Looby-saurus!" Andy kneeled down and dropped his case and jacket to his feet as he caught her little body.

“We medz cookies!” She grinned as she wrapped her little arms round his neck.

"I can see that! Did you decorate them?" He picked one up and offered her a bite before taking one himself.

“Yups!” She nodded. “Mama says Uncle Won and Aunti Zel will wike dem!”

"Oh, I bet they will, they're gonna be here later," he kissed her cheek. Then he turned to his right and kissed you tenderly. 

"How'd it go?" Your hands pressed into his chest. 

"Standard sentence for the DUI: fine and costs plus community service and a driving ban, no custodial or probation. But we expected that as it’s his first offense. Main thing is, not guilty for the possession," he said softly with a smile. “Which means we just ripped open an IA on the department.”

"Well, congrats BB, it all worked out. And judging by the early arrival, you're home for good now?"

“Yup.” He grinned and jiggled Lucy a little. “I’m done now until the 6th of January!”

You grinned, "Did you hear that, Lucy? Daddy-Rex is home for a lot of days!"

“Yay!” She cheered.

“So,” Andy set Lucy on the kitchen counter, “what else did my girls do today?”

"We cleaned up, made our cookies, had a Snowball fight!" You smiled.

"I gots Gwant. Den, he pushed me."

“He pushed you?” Andy gasped, as he reached to unwrap his scarf, “well  that’s just put him right on Santas naughty list!”

"Das what I says!" Lucy opened her hands up like she was saying 'I don't know.'

"Lucy, hop down and go wash so you can help me, okay?" You offered.

Andy gently dropped her to her feet, and she ran off with excitement towards the bathroom by the laundry room.

He took off his coat, dropped it over the back of one of the tall stools which sat under the breakfast counter and loosened his tie.

He snorted as he lifted his case to set it in the same stool, remembering what was inside, "the fahkin' elf."

"What was that?" You looked up at him.

Andy moved his case to the counter and looked at you, “open it…”

You dried your hands from your work and walked around to the stool. You clicked the locks on the top and opened the case. Then, you sputtered a loud snort that turned into a chuckle. "How...I swear I did NOT do that!"

“Well, if it wasn’t you, it was either that spotty little Asshole or Lucy.”

Knowing full well it wasn't Grant, you simply smirked and titled your chin as your eyes humorously looked at your husband.

“Ron sat the damned thing on the desk, in court. Then told the judge it was a new witness.”

Your jaw dropped as you tried to cover it, "oh no...." you started chuckling again.

“Thankfully, the judge saw the funny side.” Andy snorted.

"I'd hope! It's Callahan, right? Guy's got a crap load of kids and grandkids." You remembered the judge from Andy having had a trial previously with him.

“That’s the one.” He nodded, then spun round as Lucy came back into the room.

"Looby…." you smirked, "where's Pickles? He was here this morning..."

“Erms…” instantly she adopted the same guilty expression Andy wore when he’d been caught out and Andy grinned.

“Pickles has been in court!”

"I knows!" She giggled and put her chubby little hands over her grinning face. "He goes!"

“Did you put him in my briefcase?” Andy gasped, “I thought he climbed in!”

"I halps!"

“Well, he got to see the judge. Uncle Ron sat him on the table.”

“He did?” She squealed, “was you in tempt?”

Andy chuckled, "almost!"

You blinked, not quite sure how your nearly three year old knew what that was, let alone how to use it in the right context. But then again, she was bright as a button. Her vocabulary and self-awareness already streets ahead of what you’d expect of a child her age.

"Alright, Smart Bunny," you shook your head with a smirk, "I need your help with the snacks while Daddy goes and changes for Ron and Giselle."

“Otay…oh, I puts Pickles back first?”

"Yes," Andy thrust him in her direction, "He needs to think about what to tell Santa tonight about his day!"

As she took the elf, Grant sidled over, his tail wagging.

“No, Gwant!” Looby sternly told him. “Daddy, you ups so I reaches?”

“Absolutely.” Andy picked her up and crossed the dining area to the living space where the larger tree sat.

She reached and set the elf right on what Lucy had deemed the 'homes' branch next to a red bauble. Grant sat looking up, licking his lips.

"NO GWANT! Bad dog!" Lucy shook her finger at him. "No eats!"

“He can’t reach, baby.” Andy kissed her head, “don’t worry.”

You snorted as you heard, "I wouldn't trust that. He got all the way to the back of the counter this morning."

“He what?” Andy wheeled round.

"Yep," you popped your 'p'. "This," you indicated to the chicken and mushroom pasta bake waiting to go into the oven, "is the second one. Lucy and I had to go back to the market after nap." You glared at the dalmatian.

“Fur coat…” Andy grumbled.

"Today, I'd agree." You snorted.

Andy headed up with a shake of his head to change and decompress from the day before Ron and Giselle were to arrive. It felt damn good to keep the laptop closed for at least a week and ignore important emails for just as long. He hung his tie and shirt, ready for the cleaners as well as his suit pieces. He slipped into dark jeans and a thin sweater, keeping his undershirt from the day on. 

You heard his boots thud along the stairs as he came back down to join you and Lucy.

The three of you prepared the rest of the snacks and the accompanying sides to the pasta bake. Lucy then had her dinner, and Andy took her upstairs for a bath and to change into her pajamas ready for the evening. 

"No bed," she argued as he slipped her snowmen sleep shirt over her head.

“No, not yet. You can stay up and see Uncle Ron first. Maybe open the presents they’re bringing if mama says you can.”

"Oh... Can I seep wif Daddy Wex and Mommy?"

“I tell you what, you can go to sleep in our bed with the tv on and then I’ll move you later on, okay?”

"Otay, Gwant comes?”

“Yeah, Grant can sleep with you.”

She grinned, "Ups, peas, we goes!"

Andy chuckled, “want me to carry you or you wanna ride on my back?”

"Back!"

“Alright, robe and slippers on first.”

"'tay," she slid off her bed, feet first with her belly to the duvet.

She slipped her little feet into her Rudolph slippers that Pickles had bought one morning and then Andy held out her little dinosaur robe.

"Danks, Daddy Wex." Then Lucy gasped, "Daddy!"

"What, Bunny?"

"Oh nos! I forgot!"

Andy crouched down, "hey... Lucy what is it?"

"I fogots my assdent!"

Andy tried not to laugh, “that’s okay, we’ll open it now.”

"Okay..."

“Now…” Andy swiveled round, “hop on…”

He grunted as she did, then stood and tossed her a bit so he could settle her evenly, causing her to giggle. At the same time, he thanked whomever that she was still tiny, or he'd be fucked with his old man back.

“Lessgo Daddy-wex!”

With a roar, Andy jogged out of her room, causing her to shriek and giggle. You heard their laughs and giggles before his feet touched the stairs to come down and just as they hit the first floor, there was a knock on the door. Grant barking to make sure they were all well aware.

"Deys here! Dems here!"

“Well let’s go let them in!” Andy exclaimed back, bouncing to the door.

He opened the inside door to the porch first, Lucy still on his back and then he swung the heavy oak outside one inwards.

"Uncle Won! Auntie Zel!”

“Well, hi!” Ron beamed, as Lucy bounced on Andy’s back.

“Come on in outta the cold!” Andy chuckled, stepping back. He crouched so Lucy could slide off his back.

“Lemme get inside, pipsqueak!” Ron chuckled, “get these bags down so I can give you a hug!”

The greetings were spread between all and once the excitement died down and Lucy showed Giselle everything, she had in her advent for the fifth time, they'd settled in the living room by the fire.

“Bunny, did you open your advent for today now or did you forget again?” Andy asked.

"Aun Zelle halped! Penny gots me dis!" She held up a toy so close to his eye that he needed to lean back to see it.

“Another dinosaur!” Andy grinned.

"Issa di.... Di..." 

“Diplodocus…” Andy said, pronouncing it carefully so Lucy could copy.

"Diplodikis"

“That’s it. Hi five!” Andy grinned.

Ron found the mispronunciation hilarious while and Giselle rolled your eyes.

"Alright, Looby Loo, you get to open your gifts from us, and then I heard Pickles say it was bedtime," Ron sighed.

Lucy opened her mouth to argue but a look from Andy stopped her impending protest dead.

“Remember what we agreed upstairs, bunny.” He spoke softly but firmly.

"Yes," she sighs a bit.

“Come on…it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow, we got a big day!”

"What's we do?"

“Well, we got breakfast and the last Advent day, then we’re gonna take Grant for a walk by the creek, build a snowman. Then we’re gonna help Mommy get things ready, before we go to Patti’s for dinner and watch the Carol singers. Then it’s home, and we make sure Pickles is ready to go back to the North Pole with Santa!”

"Santa! I sees him near Patti's," Lucy grinned as she took an outstretched gift from her Godfather. "Fanks!"

She flopped down as she started to unwrap the first present, but then paused halfway through ripping off the first bit of paper

“How’s comes dese presents here?”

“Well, you see, Santa brings some presents, but friends and family, well they buy each other things too.” You smiled, running your hand over her head. “So, Uncle Ron and Auntie Giselle bought these for you. And in a minute, you can give them their gifts from us.”

"Oh...." she drew out.

She continued and squealed as she unwrapped her gifts, which formed a set of new art supplies, complete with a wooden box with her name on to keep them in.

"I wuv dems! Fank you!"

“You’re very welcome, honey.” Giselle caught her hug before she then ran to Ron.

“Merry Christmas, my little squish monster!” Ron hugged her tight.

After exchanging the adult gifts, Looby was ushered round to say goodnight before Andy carried her upstairs.

That gave you the chance to invite Ron and Giselle to the dining area to take their seats so you could eat.

The hour was late by the time things were consumed and cleaned up. Giselle helped you, despite Andy's protests that he and Ron should be doing it. Even Giselle told Andy to piss off as she found it to be the perfect point in time for 'the two of you to have your cigars and scotch'. 

She stirred the mulled cider and inhaled the aromatic scent that made one's heart warm and fill with a delightful holiday spirit. "So, what'd you get Andy for Christmas?"

“A long weekend in Vermont, towards the end of January.” you smiled. “Ron helped me, said he’d wangle the diaries. Booked us a cabin. Lucy’s going to my parents.”

"Oh, how lovely! You two deserve a trip like that. A log cabin, big fire, skiing! Ugh, we haven't done that since Ronnie's hip replacement. Old fart seizes up as soon as it hits forty*.”

You chuckled, “you know I’ve never been skiing. Andy has, not for a while.” You smiled, “and, then from Lucy…” you grinned, “I booked them one of the experience days at the museum, you know where they do the special dinosaur days and tours?”

Giselle grinned and opened her mouth to answer you, but you suddenly felt extremely warm and a little bit funny.

"Y/N?"

“I’m fine just…it’s a little warm, that’s all.” You waved Giselle away, “been feeling off for a few days.”

"Well, here, sit," she guided you to one of your bar stools. "I'll finish these." She grabbed you a glass of water.

“Thanks…” you sat down, glancing over to where Andy and Ron were sat. Neither seemed to have noticed. 

After a few sips of water, you felt better and were thankfully able to participate in the rest of the night.

But something was niggling in the back of your mind, and you couldn’t quite figure out what.

*****

Christmas Eve morning had you slowly starting the morning. And that was despite Andy's plans of a big busy day.

But no worries, it was a lazy breakfast, more brunch really, and then you set off for a walk. Andy made good on his promise, you built a snowman the three of you before heading home and warming up with hot chocolate and a snack.

Then, you loaded into your jeep and headed back into Boulder. You let Lucy give Patti the small gift you’d bought for her, and in exchange she was very happy with the dinosaur book Patti gave her. 

Then, after your burgers and fries you went out onto the square full of little Christmas market stalls, to wait for the Carol service.

Lucy and Andy were busy examining something at one of the stalls when you glanced around, and it suddenly hit you. What that nagging feeling had been.

You moved towards Andy and gently stood on your toes.

“One last thing I need to pick up, won’t be long…”

“Alright…” he leaned down, giving you a quick kiss.

You shot off across the square, slipped into the shop in question, leaving less than five minute late with your purchase stuck in your inside pocket. You needed another quick pit stop, before you returned ten minutes after you had left.

“Looks, Mommy!” Lucy excitedly waved a little wooden tree ornament at you as you reached her and Andy. “Is a daddy wex!”

“Oh, wow!” You beamed. “That’s amazing!”

“We got three!” Andy grinned. “A daddy rex, a mommy rex and a Looby saurus.”

“Hmmm, that’s great.” You beamed, “but…well, you might need to add another.”

"What?" Andy looked as if he hadn't entirely heard you.

You reached into your pocket, dipping your chin into your scarf a little and pulled out the test you’d just done. Thankfully, Lucy was too busy looking at the Carol singers who were now walking into the square with their lanterns to hear Andy’s exclamation.

“Holy fahking shit!”

You grinned. It was all you could do.

His nose was redder than seconds ago his eyes definitely not stinging from the winter air. He had no words, but you could see it on his face.

You'd just given him the third best gift of his life with you.

And pulled his hands from his pockets and quickly grabbed your face. His beard poked then tickled your cheeks as he kissed you, hard.

Lucy giggled, “kissy!” and you spluttered a bit as he pulled away.

“I know….we hadn’t planned another after Lucy, and…we’re gonna be a bit older than we both probably wanna be but…oh, Andy!” You couldn’t help the tears of happiness that pricked your eyes, “another baby!”

He grinned and pulled your face to his again. "I love you, fahk, I fahking love you much, baby."

You spluttered, allowing him to kiss you again before a yell of protest came from Lucy.

You broke apart quickly with a wet laugh from you both. Andy spoke first his voice able to carry over the growing crowd.

"What's the matter?"

“I no sees ” She looked up at you both, pointing to the singers who were now stood ready to start on the small makeshift stage in the middle. Her woolly hat slipped down over her eyes and Andy chuckled. He lifted her up into his arms, righted her hat and gave her cheek a huge kiss. 

“Shoulders, peez!”

He grinned and tossed your daughter in her rightful place. Once she was settled, and her holding on, Andy looked down at you again.

His free hand cupped your jaw while his fingers carted through your hair and around the base of your head. "Here we go again," he grinned and bent as far as he could without losing Lucy.

You pressed up on your toes and met him the rest of the way, a final searing kiss to your lips as the opening carol played.

"Angels we have heard on high

Sweetly singing o'er the plains

And the mountains in reply

Echoing their joyous strains...."

"Thanks, Santa," Andy whispered as he pulled away

****

Chapter 25

[adamantineheart]

I'm trying to articulate why I love Dame Aylin so much and why she feels like such a miracle of a female character to me but it's like HAVE YOU SEEN HER??? WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY????

jfdjdjfjdjfjfj

okay but really

I bought this game because her design immediately won me over. I had no idea what her personality was going to be like, but I was hopeful that an angel lady in full armor would have something I’d like about her. I vaguely became aware that she was gay and eventually saw some spoilers and discovered her other half was Isobel. Honestly, both of them could have been terribly written and I'd still have enjoyed them because Aylin pretty, but that's not what happened at all.

I don't even know, but the moment I met Aylin it was like oh my god... oh my god. And IT WAS JUST HER BEATEN UP AND INSULTING BALTHAZAR. But that itself was all I needed to understand she was special. Their conversation just said so much about her personality. Her speech patterns, her confidence, her pride, her vengeance... Balthazar is an arrogant bastard who talks a big talk, but the underlying feeling I had was that if he messed up his intricate spells he'd be fucked because she would absolutely kill him. Aylin isn't a damsel in distress that needs you to save her from a monster... she's a tiger in the world's most impossible to escape cage. And it has to be—because not even a hundred years of torture made her any less dangerous.

So that was already my first impression of her and she wasn’t even physically doing well. She was dirty, her clothes were tattered, she wasn't given the dignity of shoes, her hair had been shaved... and that was just the surface level stuff. But none of it diminished how strong she looked. Even in that state, she was physically imposing. Some of that was her attitude, but she's also A Big Woman and it's fucking terrific. I wanted to watch her swat Balthazar down like a fly.

Of course, that's not how the fight goes. She can't be released until you go to release her and...

That transformation.

She is resplendent.

It's such a moving scene. Anyone who plays the game will remember it clearly because it leaves such a huge impression. But for me, it was another piece of why she was so magnificent. It's that full battle angel look that made me want to meet her in the first place, but with so much more emotion and significance. Returning to it with context on a second playthrough just makes it more powerful to me because I understand exactly what she's lost, how deep Ketheric's betrayal was, and I know all that pain and suffering she's gone through is not just at an end, but about to be replaced with a reunion so sweet it will bring Aylin to her knees.

That's sort of the final big piece of why Aylin just makes so [clenches fist]. She loves Isobel so truly. Loves her with her entire immortal soul. Respects her, treasures her, adores her. And.. this part is so important because in so many other stories it would end there, but BG3 makes it clear Aylin also deeply desires her. Wants to spend time passionately making love to her. It's so humanizing and beautiful and just everything to me!!!

anyway, yes. dame aylin.... may she smite all her enemies and fuck her wife in peace.

[seidenbros]

Hello you lovely people. 💚 I can't believe that there's really 1.5 k of you following me and I feel so honoured and blessed because I got to meet so many wonderful people. Of course, something like that calls for a celebration. The celebration will run until February 5th 2023 because that's my birthday, and I think that's a good date to stop that. Instead of writing myself, I'm going to give you a list of prompts (SFW, NSFW and scenarios). Just send me an ask telling my which prompt you want to do (you can combine them AND they can be done by multiple people) and which pairing you want to write it for (The Witcher and Stranger Things, any pairing you want). I'll read all of them, reblog them, and compile a list at the end to get them all together. When you post it, please tag me and tag it with #staffis 1.5 k celebration Among all those who reblog this post and who help spread the word, I will give away five sets (maybe more, we'll see) of stickers, and among those who write for this, I will give away 3 handpainted bags with the Hellfire Club Logo and little Eddie on the other side.

Gonna put the prompts below the cut, because otherwise, it wil probably be way too long. If you have any questions, my askbox is open. This is a way to celebrate, as well as spreading some love for other writers 💚💚

Lyric Prompts

“Every time that we meet I skip a heartbeat.” (Heartbeat - Scouting for Girls)

“I will always be right here to hold your hand.” (The Little Things - Keywest)

“Cause I need you so much, I can’t lose you.” (Hole in My Heart - Luke Friend)

“I’m not perfect, but I keep trying!” (Perfect - Hedley)

“Sometimes you make me a better person, sometimes you bring out the worst.” (Little Too Much - Natasha Beddingfield)

“If you wanna fight, I’ll stand right beside you!” (The Heart Never Lies - McFly)

“You have stolen my heart.” (Stolen - Dashboard Confessional)

“Let’s compare scars, I’ll tell you whose is worse.” (Swing Life Away - Rise Against)

“If I can’t have you right now, I’ll wait dear.” (Patience- Guns n’  Roses)

“I love you till the end of time. Come what may!” (Come What May - Moulin Rouge OST)

“For the person 15-year-old me would be proud to have known.” (Battle Cries - The Amazing Devil)

“Baby, you’re all that I need.” (Bed of Roses - Bon Jovi)

“I know there’s someone out there feeling just like I feel.” (Handwritten - The Gaslight Anthem)

“You’re the only one I see, love, and that’s the one thing that won’t change.” (Never Stop - SafetySuit)

“I love her because she moves in her own way.” (She Moves in Her Own Way - The Kooks)

“Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer.” (Thunder - Boys Like Girls)

“I know it’s late, but I had to get out and… somehow I ended up at your door.”

SFW Prompts

“Of course I came for you. I will always be there for you, no matter what!”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

“Where does all the blood come from? Are you hurt? Wait… This isn’t your blood!”

“Oh God, what on earth have you done now?”

“I am so in love with you and it hurts like hell that you don’t even notice!”

“I hate to ask this of you, but can you stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?”

“You have no idea how much I want to choke you right now!” “Ohh kinky.” “Not like that!”

“You know, a hug can be like medicine and make some of the pain go away. Wanna try?”

“Will you please, please just kiss me now?”

“I’ll kick his ass, if you want me to. No problem at all!”

“Is it okay, if we just lie down and watch a movie? I’m not feeling so good.”

“The frosting goes on the cupcakes! You’re not supposed to eat it just like that!”

“I just want to be alone, is that so hard to understand?”

“It breaks my heart to see you like this!”

“Even after everything we’ve been through, I’d still choose you. I will always choose you!”

“Scoot over, I’m gonna get in bed with you. You need some cuddles.”

“It’s alright! It was just a dream, you’re safe here. Tell me all about it so I can fix it, hm?”

“I know it’s not the best, but-” “I love it!”

“I really wish I was enough for you, but that’s never gonna happen.”

“Well then, who do you like?” “Oh, maybe the person I talk to all the time, the person I talk to every fucking day!” “You talk to me every day.” “Yeah…” “Oh!”

NSFW Prompts

“How about you put these lips to work instead of just talking all the time?”

“Will you stop talking, or do I have to make you shut up?”

“Don’t hide from me. Let me see you!”

“I need to feel you… Now!”

“I had a dream about you last night. Woke up hard/wet. Wanna hear about it?”

“Are you gonna be a good girl/boy for me?”

“Care to elaborate why you are going through my drawer and what you’re planning to do with that vibrator?”

“Now, now, don’t play shy now. Let me hear you!”

“You taste like heaven, and I can’t get enough.”

“Stop wiggling around, I’m trying to sleep! Wait… what’s tha… oh!”

“Fuck… just… right there! That feels so good!”

“Feel what you’re doing to me? That’s all because of you!”

“Take off your clothes. Slowly. I want to watch you.”

“I know you said no marks… But what if I put them where nobody except for me will see them?”

“You act all innocent and look so sweet, but I know what a dirty mind you really have.”

“We have to be quiet. If you make a sound, I’ll have to stop!”

“You tell me to stop teasing you, yet you moan all the time.”

“When I tell you to sit on my face, I want you to sit, is that clear?”

“Oh no, don’t stop on my account. I’m really enjoying the view.”

“I don’t like being told what to do, unless I’m naked. So can we move that to the bedroom?”

“Can I watch you?”

Scenarios

A is talking on the phone to someone, while B comes up behind A and successfully distracts A with kisses to the neck, making A end the call early.

Baking together for the first time, which ends with flour and other ingredients where they don’t belong, and lots of laughter.

Lying in each others arms after having sex, while A finally confesses their feelings, and B falls asleep before they can even hear it.

Tracing your fingers over your lover’s freckles or even connecting them with a pen while they are asleep.

Sitting in silence watching the stars, hands inching closer, until they finally interlace their fingers, smiling to themselves.

Giving your crush your scarf and your gloves in cold weather, because you want to keep them warm.

Waking up to your lover pressed against your back, already awake, but they don’t want to get up just yet.

Coming home to find your lover made a pillow fort, ordered pizza and already got a movie set up for you to watch in that fort.

Going to a family wedding with your best friend, who you introduced as you boy-/girlfriend so that your family doesn’t try to set you up with someone - that means you’ll also share a bed for the night.

Coming home to smoke in the kitchen, because your lover wanted to make a cake for you, but is an absolute disaster in the kitchen.

Teaching your crush how to dance, because they want to know the basics for an event, which ends in lots of body contact, beating hearts, and an invitation to be their date for said event.

Being on the phone with your lover and they tell you “I love you” for the first time before hanging up, which makes for a very interesting next meeting.

Being at a loss for words, not able to express how you feel, so you just pull the other one close and kiss them instead. Actions speak louder than words.

Making it through a family dinner or some other event to come home and help each other out of these clothes. Unzipping a dress, unbuttoning a shirt with lots of soft touches and kisses that turn carnal at one point.

You come home drunk from a party, and your partner takes care of you, makes sure you get to bed safe, have enough water, and you tell them that you appreciate it, but there’s this wonderful person, who already has your heart, so you have to behave.

Going for a drive in the middle of the night, because you both can’t sleep, listening to your favourite songs and singing along, trying to be louder than the other one.

Surprising your loved one with recreating your first date, asking them if they remember all of that.

Scars tell the story of where we’ve been, they are a part of us, and you show that to your loved one with kissing all of their scars.

Gonna tag some mutuals who might enjoy this 💚 @thefreakandthehair @indouloureux @magnoliabutters @jadeylovesmarvelxo @sweetpeapod @ethereal27cereal @ghosttownwherenoonegoes @latenitewolves @amzngdevil @luteandsword @tellhound @jesskier @writingmysanity @dancingwiththefae @wren-of-the-woods @flowercrown-bard @kodiakwhiskey @open--till--midnight

[arielhopepeace]

Welcome to another Joel and y/n fic. One of these times I’d like to write one that has the breakout, because zombies have always really freaked me out lol.

Anyway, in this fic, Sarah is 9, and y/n is her 4th grade teacher. Obviously it gets GOOOOOOD later on hehe. This fic was an idea recommended by @viclgrd ❤️

As always, pleaaaase enjoy.

Part two is here

Part three is here

Part four is here

Final part is here

Part One

18+ only

Tw: mention of cancer, mention of death, panic attacks, anxiety

4,770 words

Joel POV

  "Sarah, come on!" I urge my very stubborn nine year old daughter.

There's nothing I love more in this world than her. She's a spitting image of my late wife, and she was honestly an easy, laid-back baby with a surprisingly calm toddler stage. Getting her to school is the only real issue I've faced with her.

Sarah loves to sleep. I've taken her to pediatricians with my concerns on why she loves to be in bed so much, but they assured me it's only due to her enjoyment of it, and the fact that she's constantly growing, making her more fatigued. Waking her up every morning before I have to go to work is difficult, and rather taxing. Luckily, I'm able to leave right after I walk her to her bus stop, always making it to work in the nick of time.

I'd like to say that I'm a good father to Sarah. My wife passed away when our daughter was only one, so Sarah doesn't have any memory of her. I've always wondered if that made it easier, never knowing her, but I've always been too terrified to ask how she feels. She's still so young that I don't want to fill her head with dark and agonizing subjects.

Of course I'll talk about her mother if she asks and explain that she passed away from cancer, but I never linger on her death with Sarah. I always do my best to turn it into a beautiful, light thing, hoping that she never develops that crippling anxiety in her sternum as I have.

"Daddy, why can't you ever take me to school?" Sarah whines as she holds my hand, both of us leaving the house.

"Because," I begin as I peer down at her, "I have to work, baby."

Her eyes twinkle up at me with their hazel hue, my lips twitching up as I admire her, completely enamored with my little girl.

"So many other kids at school have their parents visit them for lunch. Can you visit me one day?" her gaze becomes teary.

I crouch down once we're at our stop sign, giving her a kiss between her brows. "Hey," I say softly, "don't cry. I'll ask when I go in today if I can have lunch with you sometime soon, okay?"

Sarah nods with excitement, wrapping her little arms around my neck. "Thank you."

Her gentle embrace and the softness of her solemn voice tugs at my heart, making me want to just quit my job so I can stay here to hug her all day.

The bus pulls up, hissing to a stop as the doors sigh, opening with a slight squeak.

"Have a good day, baby," I kiss my fingertips, waving her off as she steps onto her bus, her head scarcely turning to give me a mildly forlorn smile.

Working in construction as I do, I'm never able to take my lunch at Sarah's school. Not only are our lunches at different times, but my jobs are usually over a half an hour away or more. It's a demanding and grueling occupation, but it pays well and allows us to live comfortably; not living paycheck-to-paycheck as we used to.

When my wife passed, I was utterly, wholly gutted. Within a month of us finding out she had cancer, she was gone. It was dreadful knowing she was in pain, knowing there was nothing I could do to help her, and watching her rapidly decline until she drew in her last weak, delicate breath on this earth.

I promised her I'd take care of Sarah, and raise her to be as incredible as she was. Every single fiber in me prays that I'm doing everything exactly as she would've wanted it.

Being alone for the last eight years hasn't been difficult for me by any means. I've gone on a few dates here and there, but never anything that has stuck with me. It's usually just one date and then it's over, never hearing from the woman again, or I never reach out.

Part of me enjoys the wilderness within where my heart lies dried up in the sun. There's no possible way I can ever be left or have my heart broken if I'm alone. I'd be perfectly content with never having a woman again; just me and Sarah until she's old enough to move out and get on with her own life. She may only be nine, but I think about her growing up every day, and how in another nine years, she'll be graduating high school.

Those thoughts always fill me with sheer, all-consuming panic, knowing that she'll be leaving one day, and I'd never prevent her from doing so. All I want is for her to be happy and live the picturesque life she deserves, and she can't do that if I'm already having empty nest syndrome before she's even in the double digits.

On the drive to work, my cell phone begins ringing through the Bluetooth of my truck. My heart stops when I see it’s Sarah’s school, immediately answering the call.

“Hello?” I try to keep my voice steady.

“Hello, Mr. Miller! This is Principal Sanders, and I’m just reaching out to all the parents of students in Mrs. Peters’ class to let them know that unfortunately she won’t be returning to school this year. She’s still out with a broken hip after her fall, and we’re afraid she won’t make a full recovery as soon as we anticipated.”

My pulse settles, relieved Sarah is okay. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I know Sarah loves her, so I’m sure she’ll be sad.”

“Aw, that’s very good to know! We’re having a welcoming party for the new teacher tomorrow at the park right across the street from the school. We thought we’d make it a special occasion to lift the student’s spirits a bit about Mrs. Peters. We’re just doing a little head count to see how much pizza we should order. This isn’t going to be school funded, it’s just some of the staff getting together to welcome her. Are you and Sarah interested in joining?”

I shrug as I keep my eyes fixed on the road. “Sure. I’d like to chip in if you’re accepting donations, or I could even bring some food myself.”

“That’s very nice of you, Mr. Miller. That would be a big help either way.”

“What time? It’s Saturday, so I don’t always work on those days.”

“It’ll be at one o’clock.”

I’ll just make sure I don’t pick up any overtime tomorrow. I usually always try to, just for the extra money, but it would be nice to take a day off and go to the park with Sarah.

“Okay. We’ll be there. I’ll bring two pizzas and maybe a tray of cookies.”

“Thank you so much, Mr. Miller. That’s very appreciated. See you tomorrow.”

“Bye, Mrs. Sanders. See you tomorrow.”

We hang up, my lungs letting out a gentle sigh of relief. I’ve never gotten a random call from Sarah’s school like that except for when she’s sick, and I always seem to be assuming the absolute worst about everything. Truthfully, I think it’s the left over apprehension I feel from my wife’s passing.

***

“Hi, I have a pizza order under Joel,” I say as I look around the pizza shop, the teenager at the register sighing at me.

“Your total is twenty-five dollars even,” the boy replies flatly.

My fingers fish into my wallet, handing him cash as a woman comes up beside him and places my pizzas on the counter. The boy takes my money as I grip the pizzas in my hand, the warmth from the bottom of the box radiating through my palm.

The door to the pizza place dings its bell as I leave, making a b-line for my idling truck that has Sarah in the passenger seat with a tray of cookies on her lap.

“Here, let’s put these on the floor,” I say as I set the pizzas onto the ground beneath her. “Just don’t step on ‘em.”

“Foot pizza doesn’t sound good to me, dad,” she giggles, making me laugh with her. “I’m excited to see my friends!”

“Will Rachel be there today?”

She nods enthusiastically as we head toward the park. “Yeah, she’s supposed to be. Everyone was really excited about it yesterday in class. I know some people couldn’t get their parents to go, though.”

“Well, at least Rachel will be there,” I beam at her before turning my eyes back to the road in front of me.

“And us,” she replies fondly. “I didn’t think we’d be able to go. You always work on Saturdays.”

“I know, but I thought it would be nice to just hang out in the park with you for the day.”

“Thank you,” Sarah says softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, honey.”

Pulling up to the park, I see several children and parents everywhere. It looks like her entire class has shown up, the thought of Sarah being able to see all her friends making me happy for her. I’m really glad I decided to not get that overtime in today. She deserves to have some fun.

Sarah carries the cookie tray as I carry the two pizzas, opting for just cheese and pepperoni. My eyes land on the principal, guiding Sarah towards her with my palm on her shoulder. She’s so ecstatic that she nearly ran away with the damn cookies.

“Hello, Mr. Miller. Sarah,” the principal says warmly. “You can set everything down here,” she gestures to a table.

“Hey, Sarah,” I hear from beside me. “Is this your dad?”

“Yep!” she replies. “This is my dad, Joel!”

After setting the pizza down, I turn with an outstretched hand, my breath being caught in my throat as I take in the appearance of Sarah’s new teacher. She’s absolutely stunning, and my god she looks young. Sarah’s last teacher was easily in her mid-sixties, but this one can’t even be thirty yet.

“Hi, Mr. Miller. I’m Sarah’s new teacher, Ms. Y/l/n, but you can call me y/n.” Her voice is feminine and light, making goosebumps trail across my skin as our palms connect.

“Please, call me Joel,” I reply with a quick lick of my lips.

Sarah toddles away, joining several of her classmates on the playground.

“I’ve only been teaching them for a day, but Sarah is the most well-behaved,” she leans in to whisper. “And no, I haven’t said that to every parent,” y/n giggles.

Her little laugh forces me to join her, my nose being caressed with the scent of her perfume from her standing so close to me.

“Well, I’m glad. She was the easiest child, really.”

“Do you have any others?” she asks, her eyes on mine, completely melting me.

I shift, doing my best to focus on the conversation rather than her effortless beauty. “No,” I smile. “Just her.”

“I’m an only child, too,” y/n grins, her eyes flitting over to the playground briefly before meeting my gaze again.

“I wasn’t lucky enough,” I tease, watching a laugh pass her delicate, rosy lips. “I have an older brother.”

“I always wished to have a sibling, but my parents were never successful when trying again.” Her voice fills with melancholy. “My mom had ovarian cancer, so it was pretty impossible to conceive after me. I was a miracle baby.”

My brows fit together, that familiar anxiety blooming in my chest at the mention of cancer. I place my hand on my sternum, as if I’m trying to catch that feeling and push it down.

“I’m sorry,” is all I can muster out to say. “My late wife passed away from cancer when Sarah was one.”

Why did I say that? I’ve never spoken about her to anyone other than family before, but for some reason, I felt the need to tell y/n.

Her hand reaches out and rests on my bicep. “I’m so sorry,” her gentle eyes soften even further. “My mom died when I was ten, and my father just passed away last year.”

“My god,” I respond with disbelief. “You’re way too young to have lost both of your parents already.”

Y/n’s eyes track to her hand that rests against my arm, quickly removing it as she clears her throat. “Oh, they were older when they had me, but still not old enough to pass away.”

“How old were they, if you don’t mind me asking?”

She smiles. “I don’t mind at all. My mom was only forty-six when she passed, and my dad was older, he was seventy-six.”

“They were a few years apart, then?”

“Sixteen,” y/n laughs awkwardly. “Everybody always finds that so strange, but they didn’t see how in love they were. I never saw them fight once.”

“That’s beautiful, y/n,” I smile warmly at her.

She blinks up at me, tucking her gorgeous hair behind her ear as her body shifts. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get so depressing.”

“No,” I laugh lightly, shaking my head. “You didn’t. It’s life.”

Her lips spread with that breathtaking grin, my eyes all over her face before a voice rips me from my waking dreaming at her parted mouth.

“Hi, Ms. Y/l/n! This is my mom,” the little boy turns to his mother. “Can I go play now?”

The woman laughs, nodding.

The boy dashes away, joining the rest of the kids on the playground. My head bobs around a bit, looking for Sarah until I finally spot her, seeing her go down the slide with a vast grin on her face. I smile fondly at her, feeling guilty that I was so caught up in a conversation with her teacher, that I forgot to check on her.

Y/n and the mother of the little boy begin chatting, so I quietly make an exit, sitting down at one of the picnic tables with a full bottle of water in front of me.

My fingers twist the plastic top open, the crack of the seal popping as I press the bottle to my lips, tossing it back for a drink. I can’t help but gaze at y/n, taking in her figure with complete admiration. She’s wearing a yellow sundress that comes down to her knees, pairing it with a white cardigan over the straps. Her feet are donned in ivory flats that match the unnecessary cardigan she has on her arms.

It’s Texas, and it’s hot as hell out here. Maybe I’m being a bit of a pervert, though. Her skin is absolutely flawless in every sense of the word, and I just want to see more of it. I haven’t been this taken back by a woman since I first met my wife. That thought consumes my chest with guilt, a sharp pang internally piercing my abdomen.

My hand grips my stomach through my shirt, the tips of my fingers digging into the fabric. My wife had told me that she wants me to move on once she passes, and I’ve tried, but I haven’t found anybody. I haven’t even slept with anyone since her, only a few dates here and there that didn’t even end up with a kiss.

“Joel?” a voice interrupts my racing thoughts. “Are you okay?”

I look up to meet the eyes of y/n, soft and vast with concern. “Yes,” I answer quickly. “Just a little light headed. I think I need to eat.”

Her gaze loses a bit of its scrutiny. “Let me grab you some pizza or something. Do you have low blood sugar?”

I laugh. “No, I don’t.”

Y/n briefly leaves, returning with two slices of meat lover’s pizza on a paper plate. “You seem like a meat guy.”

“I am, actually,” a laugh pushes past my lips, my anxiety slowly easing away as I grab the plate of food, taking a bite. “Thank you.”

She sits adjacent from me, a piece of pizza in front of her as well. “You’re getting some color to your face again,” she chuckles.

“Did you really think I was so old that I had diabetes?”

Y/n laughs loudly, her head thrown back, exposing her kissable throat. “Diabetes isn’t always an old person thing, Joel. You could have type one, which you could be born with.”

“You didn’t really answer my question,” I tease.

Her cheeks flush with a hint of maroon, a satisfied smile spreading onto my own face. “No, I don’t think you’re old.”

“God, I feel it. I’ll be forty-one this year, Sarah will be ten. It’s crazy.”

“I’ll be twenty-five, and I’d like to complain about how I feel old, but I feel like you’d just judge me,” she beams vastly.

“I’d never judge you,” I say gently. “I was the most scared of turning thirty, though. It was like I should’ve been planning my retirement already.”

Y/n laughs heartily. “That’s how I feel now. I only just finished college a year ago, and I’m already a teacher. When will I need to plan my retirement?”

I chuckle. “Not for a long time.” My eyes flick between hers, “What made you want to be a teacher?”

A fond smile parts her lips. “My mom was a fourth grade teacher, and I wanted to be just like her.”

“She’d be proud of you,” I say before even thinking. “Sorry,” I instantly apologize, shaking my head. “It just came out.”

“No,” she beams wide. “Don’t apologize. You’re very kind, Joel.”

“Hey, there you are,” a deep voice echoes throughout the shaded gazebo.

An attractive, tall man saunters over to y/n, giving her a quick peck on the cheek that she awkwardly leans towards him for.

“Oh, hi. Joel, this is my fiancé, Sam. Sam, this is one of my student’s parents, Joel,” y/n says with her delicate voice that reminds me of wispy summer clouds.

“Nice to meet you,” Sam nods as he shakes my hand, sitting down beside y/n.

I can’t help but feel disappointed by the fact that she isn’t single, not like I had a chance anyway. Her fiancé does seem to be older though, appearing closer to my age than to hers. He has brown hair with a red tint to it, and bright blue eyes that pin you into place. It’s not hard to miss his light Scottish accent, or his incredibly toned physique. If this is her type, I definitely never had a chance.

“Oh, fiancé,” I say nonchalantly. “Congratulations.”

Y/n shifts as Sam wraps his arm around her shoulders, placing a kiss against her temple. “Thank you,” she says, but not without a hint of disdain in her tone.

“I’ve been trying to urge her to start planning the wedding, but it’s been a year since I proposed and still nothing,” he says humorously.

“And I’ve been focusing on my career,” y/n replies sharply, but with a clear faux smile on her face. “So, I haven’t had time for much else.”

“Hire someone,” Sam says through gritted teeth. “It isn’t difficult, darling.”

My head moves around the incredibly uncomfortable situation in front of me, spotting Sarah on the swings beside Rachel. Part of me wishes there was some sort of excuse I could use to leave this picnic table, but I’m afraid I’m glued here against my will.

“Ms. Y/l/n?” a student comes up beside her, “I brought these for you.” The girl hands her a bouquet of flowers, y/n’s entire face lighting up.

“Oh, my goodness, Felicity! Thank you so much!” She places her nose against one of the roses. “I love roses. They’re my favorite.”

The girl bashfully giggles as she walks away, the mother coming up to speak to y/n.

“She insisted on getting you flowers,” the mother gushes with enthusiasm. “I’m happy to see the kids love you so much after your first day. Clearly you’re a wonderful replacement.”

“Oh, thank you so much. I didn’t feel like I did anything special, but I’m glad they like me. They’re all so amazing.”

The mom smiles fondly as she walks away towards the pizza table, grabbing herself some food.

I honestly feel guilty that we didn’t bring anything specifically for y/n. The thought didn’t even cross my mind, and now I know I have to make up for it. Perhaps I could send Sarah to school on Monday with something special for her. Would that come off as creepy, though? That’s the last thing I want to do, is freak her out.

Sam stands up and walks away, adding some fruit onto a plate from one of the platters.

“I’m really sorry you had to witness that,” y/n says quietly. “I specifically asked him not to come.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I understand,” I smile politely. “He seems like a nice guy.”

Her eyes wander over to him, a forlorn expression spreading onto her perfect face. “Yeah.”

I catch a glimpse of Sarah running past me, completely sweaty as she dives her arm into the cooler to fish out a bottle of water for herself. Her eyes meet mine and she gives me an excited wave as she chugs her drink. I wave back with a small laugh, watching as she tosses the empty bottle out and runs back to the playground with her friends.

“She adores you,” y/n says softly. “Everybody introduced themselves in class yesterday, and she talked about you.”

A warmth spreads in my chest. “Really? What did she say?”

“She just said that your name is Joel, you work in construction, and that you’re the best dad in the world.”

My cheeks ache as I smile, laughing slightly. “I love that kid so damn much.”

“I can tell,” y/n replies with a vast grin. “She’s a lucky girl.”

“Please, I’m the lucky one. When I told you she was an easy kid, I meant it. I’ve had to raise her alone for the last eight years, and it’s almost like she knew I was a single parent. She never made anything difficult for me,” I laugh, “well, until recently. Her growth spurts have made her so tired and now it’s almost impossible to get her out of bed for school.”

Y/n laughs, the sound being music to my ears. “Oh, god, I don’t blame her. I’m the same way and I’m done growing.”

Our laughter mixes together, being cut off by Sam’s sudden presence again. He plops down his plate of fruit, only having one piece of pizza beside it.

“Did I miss something?” he asks with an arched brow and a grin.

“No,” y/n shakes her head. “Just saying it’s hard to get me out of bed in the morning.”

“Oh, I have my ways,” he says suggestively.

My brows raise as I shift uncomfortably on the bench.

Y/n slaps his arm as she scowls at him. “Jesus, Sam, this is my job. There’s kids here, can you please be quiet?”

“Oh, come on, they’re all the way over there. They can’t hear me.”

“The parents can,” she continues to scold. “Please.”

“Only Joel can hear me, and I don’t think he minds,” Sam looks pointedly at me.

“Oh,” I flick my eyes between them. “No, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“See?” he beams. “Relax, darling. This new job has you all uptight.”

Y/n crosses her arms, looking anywhere but at the man beside her. It’s honestly making me uneasy to be around them any longer, so I decide to stand, excusing myself to use the bathroom.

As the sun greets my skin, I let out a sigh of relief, a million different thoughts running through my mind right now. Almost all of them are focused on y/n, wondering if I’ll ever see her again in person after today. What possible excuse could there be for me seeing her? She’s Sarah’s teacher, and there’s no logical, normal way to see her outside of school unless I asked her out, but she’s already with somebody.

It’s hard to hide my disappointment at that fact, but truthfully I think she’s out of my league, even if she apparently is interested in older men. Sam and I are polar opposites in all the worst ways. He’s toned and ripped with colored eyes and hair, while I have the softened dad bod with shaggy hair that’s dark brown mixed with a bit of gray, and normal, non-alluring brown eyes. If there were ever a man to compete against for a woman’s affection, it isn’t him. He would win every single time.

I’ve never gone for a woman who’s more than five years younger than me, and y/n is sixteen years younger than me. I’m reminded of the story she told about her parents, and the fact that they were sixteen years apart. She spoke so fondly of them, that clearly she would never have an issue with being someone my age.

God, who am I kidding? She’s engaged and far too stunning for me. I need to quit my daydreaming now before I end up in a fictional spiral about a woman I barely know.

As I leave the humid bathroom, I see Sarah over at the playground, running around in the sand barefoot with Rachel and another girl chasing her. I make my way over, placing my hands on my hips as I watch her sprint away.

“Playing tag?” I ask, Sarah not even looking at me for a second.

“Yep!” she answers quickly. “Don’t distract me!”

Laughing, I walk away, heading towards the table that I’m dreading to sit at again. To my relief, y/n is alone, gazing down in her lap as I sit across from her again.

“Where’s Sam?” I ask her, looking around.

“Oh,” her eyes meet mine, “he’s on a call for work.”

“What does he do?”

“Physical therapy,” she shrugs. “Boring.”

I laugh. “Not nearly as boring as construction.”

“Please,” she scoffs, “I’d much rather hear your work stories than his, I’m sure. He just tells me how he gropes women all day,” y/n laughs.

“Professionally gropes,” I jokingly correct her, resulting in an effortless giggle. “At the end of the day, he comes home smelling a lot better than me, I promise you.”

She chuckles, gazing at me. “Thank you for talking to me so much, Joel. I was nervous I’d be lonely at this thing.”

“You’re very easy to talk to, y/n, you don’t have to thank me.”

There’s a moment where we sit silently, just looking at each other, and I’m wondering if she feels the same spark between us as I do.

“Okay,” Sam’s voice causes me to jump slightly, “sorry about that, I was just answering a client’s questions about what exercises they can do at home.”

I nod. “No worries. Physical therapy sounds like an interesting job,” I smile, y/n giving me a dramatic eye roll.

“Thank you!” he answers loudly, looking over to y/n. “See? I told you it’s not boring.

There’s a light thump beside me on the picnic table, seeing a sweaty, panting Sarah beside me. “Daddy, I’m tired. Can we leave?”

I chuckle, nodding. “We can leave whenever you want.”

“It’s too hot out.”

“Then we can leave.”

Sarah smiles up at me, turning to look at Sam and y/n. “Who are you?” she asks curiously.

“I’m Sam, Ms. Y/l/n’s fiancé.”

“Fiancé?” Sarah looks to me. “That’s before marriage, right?”

I laugh, nodding. “Yes.”

“Well, that’s good. She’s a very nice lady.”

Y/n laughs, shaking her head. “Thank you, Sarah.”

I stand off the bench, Sarah standing with me. “It was lovely meeting you, y/n. And Sam,” I nod.

Y/n stands, shaking my hand. “Thank you for coming, Joel, and for staying to talk for so long.”

“Of course,” I smile. “Have a good rest of your day.”

“You too.”

Sarah and I walk back to the truck, my mind reeling with everything y/n and I spoke about. I’ve decided that there’s nothing stopping me from seeing that beautiful woman again, even if I have to call off work just to stop by the school. I’ve been meaning to just to spend lunch with Sarah, anyway, and now I can see her and y/n at the same time.

I need to see her again.

****