#i hate having to be worthy of being given money

[inner-community]

i really hate when the ppl i work for tell me they want me to work less for them because they need to cur back financially (despite all being very very well off)

i think it makes me feel like. rejected and unappreciated but moreso it’s like. this is my job this is all i have if you just decide you need your money more than i do… i just don’t have what i need. like if i am making less from my dogs i have to get more dogs and do less of the helpful work i enjoy… and i really prefer having a few people/dogs that i am close to and love than having to pick up any old walks because i can’t afford not to.

it makes me want to move away right now because i feel like i have outstayed my welcome or something. we were supposed to move last year and it didn’t work out and i was happy to get to keep seeing them but i just feel like if i had gone i would be sad but fulfilled. now i feel like i am just trying to stay relevant while the creatures and ppl important to me are trying to take everything away.

[starful-emporium]

that finale made me so emotional. i cried at all of their scenes in Ankarna's realm. anyway, here's some bad kids senior year head canons.

Kristen: Her wish for a sister is filled by Bucky, crying in her room late at night and praying together. After talking to Jawbone they learn that there are grounds to remove Bricker and Cork from their parents' home. Kristen is the only one given the option of emancipation--instead, she asks Jawbone to adopt her as well.

She falls back onto old patterns with Tracker. But they're a little older and wiser, so they see it happening and take a step back. Not a break up, but a readjustment. With her academics finally not reliant on deadlines, Kristen dedicates herself to her pantheon. They work with Lucy to bring Ruvina back to her sister, and Kristen finds herself in awe of the dedication she sees.

Fig: She puts all her time into the Bottomless Pit, something it desperately needs. Often she tells Sandra-Lynn she's sleeping at Gilear's, and vice versa, and stays with Ayda instead. On her 18th birthday her parents sit her down and explain that she can live with Ayda officially, if she wants to. Just as long as she remembers she'll always have a room with both of them.

She brings Sandra-Lynn on Complicated Women, first to interview, and then as a permanent guest host. They talk about womanhood as something living and changing and queer and complicated. It's her mom who encourages her when Lola Embers drops Ruben. They rally all the rock-hating souls and cordon off part of the recording studio. Fig never goes in there, but from what she's heard, his music has gotten better in the absence of Kipperlilly's judgement.

Fabian: Somehow, he ends up being the one to train the new dog. The Hangman is jealous to a ridiculous degree, so he spends a lot of time managing that. He starts looking into a sea-worthy vessel for after graduation, spends hours at the Compass Points Library learning how to navigate. Learning sea shanties is part of all that, of course, and has nothing to do with the way his baby sibling stares at him while he practices.

Mazey teaches dance to kids while he finishes school. She's so kind it almost hurts, and Fabian has no choice but to learn to accept love. He "lets" Gorgug skip Bloodrush under the condition of weekly movie nights, which only sometimes are expanded to the rest of the Bad Kids. The radio in his room crackle to life sometimes, with little messages from Bill when he's close enough to the material plane.

Riz: Appointed as vice president, he quits all but the AV club. He makes a bedtime pact with Sklonda, and for the first time in a very long time, they are both getting enough sleep. Someone mentions ace and aro identities to him, and he's awake enough for it click.

He finds a new scholarship for Aguefort students, and it looks scam-y so he does some investigating. It easily traces right back to Seacaster gold and Fabian. He's thankful for the cover and accepts the money with an understanding that they won't talk about it. He doesn't check, but the scholarship is offered every year after that.

Adaine: She spends the summer with Aelwyn tracking down their mom. She doesn't need revenge, but she needs to know her mom will never hurt anyone ever again. She feels Ankarna in the hot sun and wonders if that's the difference between revenge and justice. They take the long way back to Solace, the Hand-van paddling across the ocean.

When school starts, she works with Kristen to turn her inheritance into resources. Student who can pay for some of their components still do, but everyone gets what they need to learn. On the first day of class, she's asked about her summer prophecies, and tells off Tiberia for relying on her for lessons.

Gorgug: His senior year MCAT is signed on the first day by Lydia, who's teaching barbarian classes for the year. She gives him permission for independent study, and Henry gives him a shop key so he can do classwork whenever he wants. The rest of his time is spent perfecting Barbificer skills and creating a program to run at Aguefort the next year.

Mary Ann offers her quokky pet skills to help remodel his homonculous. The result is much cuter and more functional than before. She still names her highest level pet Cloaca in honor of the original, much to Gorgug's chagrin.

After graduation, the Bad Kids move in trios and pairs, and they always reconvene on the Summer Solstice, the anniversary of Ankarna's resurrection.

Kristen splits her time between Solace and Fallinel and Mountains of Chaos, the places where temples to her pantheon stand. Adaine and Riz rent an apartment in Bastion City, where they both continue school. Gorgug stays in Elmville, teaching at Aguefort and working on the side to start his own school. Fabian takes to the sea, bringing Fig and Ayda and Mazey with him.

They save the world again, a few times, but only when they want to.

[callie-the-creator]

the boy from second period

nsfw. mdni. warnings: yandere behavior, stalking, emo oc being delulu, mentions of self harm, brief smut but you’ll most likely miss it if you blink lol, you get the picture.

author’s note: the yandere in this is just an oc i whipped up for the sake of writing some yandere!emo boy hcs— 😭✋🏻 but if i’m being honest, this is more chronological hc stuff. from where he first met you to now.

• elijah was never much of a romantic. in fact, he cursed the name of love…frequently. it was becoming more of a hobby as of late. he was exhausted tired of spending valentine’s day alone, having no one to spend time with during the holidays, or spending so much money on promposals or simply ask someone to a dance only to have them reject him…

— he swore that he wouldn’t lose himself and not develop some crush to save himself from the embarrassment of his affections getting denied. lord knows that he can’t handle rejection well, as he tries to open a vein every time he does…things were better this way.

…

…

…

• that was until a few weeks into his senior year when you suddenly moved from (your school name) to his: willowbrook high.

• he only knew you were new because in the middle of his second period, you came in with a schedule in hand, asking if this was english 11 with mrs. hadley…it was. of course it was.

— at first, elijah paid you no mind. he mentally sorted you into a category with how he saw the rest of his classmates. a waste of his time.

• it didn’t help that mrs. hadley decided it was a great idea to sit you with elijah, given that he sits at a table by himself in the corner of the room. he felt almost embarrassed when he was called out and it wasn’t like he could just say ‘no,’ especially not in front of all these people…so, he endured it.

• for now

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦

• what followed were two excruciatingly long weeks for poor elijah. the only times you two talked were brief. i mean it. 🥲

“hey!”

“…hello.”

“how are you doing?”

“fine. you?”

“i’m good. thanks for asking.”

• …and then fate had a funny way of twisting things! aka mrs. hadley assigned a partner project to the class, but the catch was that she already picked who people were going to be paired with and shockingly (yet he could see it coming from a mile away), you and elijah were picked to be each other’s partners.

— it flipped his world upside down, completely blindsiding him because this could only mean one thing: elijah was going have to step out of his comfort zone and to be forced to spend more time with you, primarily outside of school. yikes!

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦

• even though it took a little time, you and elijah started talking more, both outside and inside of school. it even got to the point where he feared that he had grown attached to you, but that’s just crazy talk!…right?

• he would even find himself stalking your socials to learn more about you as a person, so he knows what to not do casually bring up the next time he sees you

• he hated to pat himself on the back, but elijah has deemed himself as the first official friend that you’ve made ever since you came to willowbrook

— but this didn’t mean that he didn’t get jealous.

• you always had ideas on how you two could spend more time together such as giving each other playlists for song recommendations, going to the movies, things like that…but elijah didn’t like whenever you suggested doing something that concerned more than just each other’s company. crowds.

— he fucking hated crowds, mainly the school’s football games because it meant that your undivided attention wouldn’t constantly be on him.

— and it doesn’t help that you are oblivious to his blossoming crush on you and start to swoon over the cute band geeks or football players. elijah felt like a sore thumb, someone not worthy of your time…even though he knows deep down in his heart that you and him are meant to be together.

• if there is a point where he catches you talking with another guy, elijah will give him the nastiest look in all of existence.

— there are a few times where elijah has just flat-out lies to a few of your classmates and told them that you and him were dating just so they would back off. there have been lots of close calls.

• he’s one clingy bastard. he’ll admit that outright.

• after dropping you off at home, elijah will return to his house feeling pent up, and if that happens, he’ll l do one of two things:

use a sharp kitchen knife to carve your name into the thick of his pasty thigh. he will even make sure to cut a giant heart around it for extra gusto. and, yes…he does take photos of his beautiful work. he wants to send them all to you, desperately, but knows that they’ll only scare you off.

wank one off to some photos of you that you either posted or took himself, or into one of your undergarments that he was able to steal. still…his hand and your underwear pales in comparison to what pleasure you could give him. elijah wants to feel your warmth. cuddle you closely and whisper sweet nothings into your ear as he presses his naked body against yours.

• he wants you so bad…

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦

• unfortunately, all good things can’t last forever. the time for the project ended and as expected, you two passed with flying colors, but this didn’t mean that you and elijah stopped contacting each other completely, but it was…different. different from what it was.

— elijah didn’t like that. not one bit.

— he wants to be your boyfriend. he wants to be your boyfriend. he wants to be your boyfriend. he WANTS to be YOUR boyfriend!

• he has even taken up photoshopping as a hobby, so he can edit him into every single photo you have posted. oh, he can’t wait for the day where nothing but your beautiful face fills his camera roll.

— well…more than it does now anyway.

• that’s when he had an epiphany. there is a school dance coming up. as much as elijah didn’t want to blow through his money, he knew that you were worth it. all those lovely conversations you shared with him couldn’t be for nothing, right? you MUST like him back.

• and that’s how he spent the next few nights, thinking of ideas for the board and when he finally had an idea of what he could do, he wasted no time in making it for you.

• when elijah got to school, he made sure to ask you in the morning since he didn’t want to be holding the board the entire day.

• but…

• you immediately shook your head when he popped the magic question.

• he instinctively laughed at this, but not in a condescending way. he just didn’t understand why you were doing this to him. all eyes were on him, not you. you like him back, don’t you, so why are you toying with him?

• seeing that elijah clearly wasn’t getting the hint, you verbally say that you don’t want to go to the dance with him which causes him to freeze up like a scared goat.

• you’re shitting him, right? RIGHT?!

you. bitch.

you’re going to regret saying no to him.

[solar-serpent]

🌈Based on your talents, what business should you launch?💰🪙

Hello! I hope everyone is doing great. I'm going through a phase where I started wondering if I wanted to go back to work for an employer, or even if it was worthy after I've acknowledged all my potential and the fact no one would ever pay for the real price of my work. Aquarium era is hitting me harder, and I bet you too are feeling this call to reach financial freedom. We deserve it.

I want to contribute with your awakening.

Please take a deep breath, focus on what's in front of you and pick the picture you feel more attracted to.

Pile I → Pile II

Pile III → Pile IV

🌱Pile I🌱

OMG, pile 1, you are so kind and empathetic that people want to open up to you and ask for your opinion/advice on topics such as recent breakups, petty fights with mom, best friend betrayal drama and so. Even though that's not the main purpose for them going into your store/business. If you weren't an entrepreneur, you could've been an excellent therapist since your serene demeanor and polite speech would make others believe they are speaking to a good friend. You show you care for what you are being told by providing meaningful replies, and I could swear people go crazy over your attentive gaze. Some of you are natural, others are really good actors (no one is to be judged here). Your patience and warm personality real or not sells, people could purchase anything from your business if you are the one assisting, which can be a boomer if you are aiming for leaving someone else in charge and doing the counts behind the scenes, knowing you are one of the best sellers.

You could own a coffee store given how good you are at building spaces where people will gather and feel safe. Not only that, you can create beautiful settings that will make others immerse in a new world like the tea room from a dollhouse or within a Monet painting. You will succeed at making them distance themselves from real world's problems, thus they could be more open to speak about something that feels so far away. To be honest, I don't think everyone that chose this pile would identify with this business idea. For some serving, cooking and simping chai latte over the daily gossips feels like a waste of their potential. You guys are right, another part of group which's artsy in nature is more aligned with fashion, beauty, and textiles. But I swear you all have the potential to manifest large amounts of money in one sale. I didn't have to crack my head open thinking about what type of business could allow that as designing is your strong suit. You are a master when it comes to making colors, fabrics. and whatnot march. A small part of this group loves sweets and how food can make others happy, therefore you could settle down for having a bakery and specializing on wedding cakes. However, some of you are contemplating the idea of running a drift or wedding dress store. For the ones willing to work with the brides, I assure your business will do well. You have the patience of a Greek hero going against the gods' will, so I see you nailing sales that took plenty of your time and energy.

I hope this reading was to your liking♡. I'm offering paid readings about this topic here. You can find more free content on my blog.

🌱Pile 2🌱

I didn't know "giving a fuck" was a talent until I drew your cards, dear pile 2. You are strong people, you don't care if others start hating you for doing your job. Like 5% of the people who picked this pile dreamed with being a hitman and go ahead guys, you'll do great. Now, a large percent of you have questionable morals, allowing you to work in fields where you can turn corrupted and earn wealth as a politician, lawyer, or even a doctor. I know those are career choices, but the real business for you is owning agencies, institutes, clinics, and funeral homes. I am not even making the latter up. Some of you won't care about the taboo-ish nature of your work. You approach business with level-headedness and practicality, thus if it pays wells as any other job related to humans needs... dealing with the deads is easier than their family but you will still do the job or you will hire someone to do it eventually. Curiously, you are great at making people feel better. You aren't that talkative, but you know how to make others laugh with your silly jokes, pulling weird faces, providing them with food or water and much needed space.

Some of you are radicals and into activism. You have plenty of pent-up anger and aggressiveness inside of you that you will directed at facing opposing forces. You might start a charitable cause and talk people into volunteering. Yeah, I know it won't give you money or not so much, but hear me out! You could own an institute for people with special needs or another for learning languages. There's a high chance you might end up working with foreigners, what gave you that business idea when you thought on how to help them improve their lifestyle. Some of you could be interested in farming or owning a supermarket. You would feel inclined to hire immigrants regardless of the consequences. Actually, what are consequences to you? You don't fucking care. You see people suffering, you help them. There's no other logic in your brain.

I hope this reading was to your liking♡. I'm offering paid readings about this topic here. You can find more free content on my blog.

🌱Pile 3🌱

Ok, guys, I love how unbothered you are when it comes to your line of work and what people have to say about it. Unlike pile 2, you are not interested in top positions that might lead to corruption, dirty money and living a very intense life. You are the complete opposite, you are humble and like to contribute to the community. You have a great intuition and observation skills, so upon checking your town or the place you want to install your business in, you will know what spot in the market needs to be filled right away. You can also tell what the community's needs are; you are not afraid of getting your hands dirty, so you could feel inclined to run a fish or convenience store. I feel like you want to belong, so not only your business won't cover a necessity, but also will turn into something traditional, even "iconic" for your neighbourhood. Is a music store still a thing? I feel like a small part of this group longs to have one.

You have all what it takes to manifest a long-lasting business. You are highly talented at nurturing and you might see your business like a "baby". It's not just your money source, but something to care about and fight for. Some of you might be interested in running an esoteric shop, where people is going to get their cards read or purchase herbs, incienses, candles, and so on. Mostly, this pile wants to have an unique business or for it to be the sole provider of something. E.g, you might own the only bookstore with coffee services at town. Also, I believe some of you will settle for moving out to a town or the countryside and start a business over there.

I hope this reading was to your liking♡. I'm offering paid readings about this topic here. You can find more free content on my blog.

🌱Pile 4🌱

Hello, guys! This pile is slightly different from the rest since I feel like going straight to the point and sparing unnecessary details, but I might annoy you as I'm not leaving nothing unsaid. You are known for being busy and most times you seem to be in a hurry. You are always working on something, even in high school your friends knew you were too invested on your studies and earning money than hanging out with people your age. You probably like technology and travelling, so you could own a business like a travel agency (in your country or another), transport or event planning company. In all honesty, you might end up running all three of them. The term "workaholic" does not make justice to what you are, but I will call you a genius. You were born to steal the spotlight by your innovative style at the moment of giving birth to your ideas into the real world. You can mix all your interests together and create a new business that will leave people gawking, like an app who allows users to match with vacation spots instead of people or something like that?

Some of you will rather work with tourists, renting cars, boats, and properties so their basic needs are covered. I don't know how many of you are sporty but you are adamant about turning one of your interests/hobbies in your business. You might run your own indoor rock climbing centre. If you were to ask me for specifications on what's your talent, I would say you are a natural when it comes to businesses and you hold such control over your emotions. You put your sole focus on work, nothing can distract you from achieving your goals. Not even your family, so I can see you making up to your dear ones with expensive gifts or generous check after you missed an important family event again.

I hope this reading was to your liking♡. I'm offering paid readings about this topic here. You can find more free content on my blog.

[atalana]

so i finally got the chance to read the book of bill! and man those journal 3 pages, i could write a million essays on those, but the principle one that i can't get out my head is the new insight on ford's whole fucked up paradigm of what love is

like, neither of the stan twins really know how to experience unconditional love, because they never really had it. their dad was constantly comparing the two of them and really just stamping down stanley's self worth at any given moment. and even for ford who was praised, he's not an idiot, he saw how stan got treated all the time, and their dad was very explicit as to why. ford's praise and attention hinged on him being the family genius who could make them all a lot of money, and he knew very well if he failed to live up to that, he would also lose his father's love

and you see this in stan in his desperate need for everyone to like him, but also how he doesn't really believe anyone ever truly could love him, so whenever he gets the chance with anyone he clings onto that relationship as tight as he can, terrified it's going to disappear at any second

ford, meanwhile. the more direct threat to him was the bullies and the people that made him feel lesser for being abnormal. and no kid likes feeling like that, we know it's a spike buried deep in his psyche, which gave him a reason for the dichotomy he ends up forming.

when he was a kid, people tended to fall into two categories - those who were really impressed with him and his potential, and those who saw him as a freak and wanted to drag him down for it. the love he got and the hate he got are directly related to both.

and as a result ford is constantly looking for people who will give him intellectual gratification (what he thinks love is), and he categorises everyone else as "unimportant obstacles in my way" (because that's how he thinks about those bullies, so their words won't hurt anymore)

stanley was the first category, until he sharply became the second

and splitting the world into those two categories makes him an absolutely horrible person! like, one hand yeah, you do have sympathy for ford bc that is straight up torture bill put him through and no one should have to experience it (and i do wanna make clear this is not a ford hate post, he does have good qualities im just interested in the bad rn)

on the other hand though, god, i'm always struck by just how hateful he is towards so many unimportant things (just one of many examples, christmas songs are fake and stupid bc rudolph didn't burn santa's workshop to the ground as revenge for ostracizing him like jesus christ dude)

or the bit where he sees one of stan's shitty product ads and considers calling him and pretending to be a cop just to scare him, because in ford's mind that's a punishment he deserves for daring to look so stupid while sharing ford's face

and it just drills in how much ford is not willing to see stan's side of this in any way, because what do you think would happen if you went through with that plan? don't you know stan's already scared enough? you saw him get kicked out, you saw the ultimatum that came with it, and hell thanks to the book of bill we know you were also scared to go home until you had something to show for it. he's trying his best, and you understood that once. but then stan throws your journal back in your face and you yell that you're giving him the chance to do the first worthwhile thing in his life.

everything he did to try and make something of himself, to try and prove himself worthy of literally any love at all, you didn't care about that. now he's in a position to help you, so of course he should just drop everything and obey your orders to the letter without question. that's the only way to redeem himself for getting in your way, why won't he take it?

by the time bill shows up ford felt fully justified in going "this isn't about me, and therefore it's stupid and unimportant and should be destroyed". and i know exactly why, it's because again you think intellectual gratification and love are the same thing and you're running low on both right now so you're trying to make up the difference by affirming how right you are in your goddamn diary, but right does not make you good or kind or wise

and that makes it kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, because loving you is hard, and the one person genuinely willing to do so unconditionally you're keeping at a very aggressive arms length. but you fall for bill so easily, because he understands how important you are, which must be love, and all of these other people worried about you just aren't smart enough to get it

and not even realising bill's lies could cure him of that one. hell, 30 years spent dimension hopping didn't cure it. when ford gets back he is still just as self righteous, and still willing to categorise dipper as "will give me intellectual gratification" and the rest of them as intrinsically less valuable

which is why dipper can't take the deal ford offered him. if he had, he would have turned out exactly like ford, stuck in his own echo chamber unable to tell the difference between love and praise

mabel says at one point in the comics that the reason the two grunkles are bad at looking after kids is because they still are kids, and that's a really accurate insight. that old wound cut so deep neither of them had the chance to actually move past their childhood, and discover what it was they were missing

stan never stopped wanting his brother back, but ford didn't realise that was what he needed too, until he saw mabel and dipper working as a team against bill. he's acknowledged his mistake in trusting bill before now, but "we used to be like that" is his first time acknowledging that his whole approach to people is wrong.

you've always had one source of unconditional love. you didn't need to be better than him to be worthy of it. and now you've got an entire new family, hopefully you'll realise that can come from multiple fronts

(and it's okay stan shall have his revenge for how you treated him by commiting just. so much tax fraud in your name)

[chuubian]

solace and secrecy

Tags Fyodor x fem reader, angst, religious imagery, religious guilt, alcohol consumption, abuse, blasphemy?? kinda?

Summary Fyodor is determined to live as a righteous, holy man. Dedication to his god is all he has ever known and he would never stray away from it, but he starts to view his faith differently when he met you.

Intricate architecture and stained glass windows were familiar views to Fyodor. Spending all his free time as a child in the church, working on his faith. Terrified of what could happen if he were to ever give up his religion. His dedication bordered on obsession. When the time came to make his career choice, he chose something that would be worthy of going to heaven.

Becoming a priest involved things like teaching the congregation, performing sacraments, and counseling. Fyodor did all this with love and passion in his heart. It was familiar. There was no place he would rather be.

Fyodor is sitting in his office, offering counseling to his brothers and sisters is a welcome break from standing and preaching for hours at a time. Most problems people come to him with are not too serious. Family disputes and disobedient children, occasionally infidelity and thievery. Though… those are few and far in between.

Fyodor is cleaning up his desk while waiting for his next meeting. Stacking his books and arranging his vase of flowers to be just right. He opens his door and invites in the next person he’s supposed to meet with. Gesturing for you to sit down.

“Please, have a seat”

He takes a seat across from you, the golden light from the sun casting a heavenly glow. Fyodor looks angelic. It's hard to not immediately start begging for mercy. Suddenly feeling like you are unworthy of being in the presence of his divinity. Fyodor starts off.

“What can I help you with?”

You hesitate to speak, unsure if this is even something you could ever admit or speak out loud.

“Father… I’ve been having some strange thoughts and feelings.”

Fyodor hums softly, thinking. His voice is soft and reassuring, representative of his care for your wellbeing.

“Strange in what way?”

You hesitate. Can you really say this? Would he report you? While you’re taking your time considering what to say, Fyodor interrupts.

“I notice you are being awfully quiet. This is a confidential conversation, nothing you could say would make me think of you as unworthy or strange. I am a servant of God, sworn to secrecy. Everything said in this room is between you, myself, and our lord and savior.”

With that reassurance, you take a deep breath. Fyodor is looking at you with such kind eyes. It’s hard to not to get distracted. How do you even word this? What can you really say?

“Father… I’ve been having thoughts about murdering my mother.”

Fyodor's face remains unchanged. He almost doesn’t look shocked. He sits up straight and speaks in the same soft reassuring tone. It’s eerie.

“I see… Why is that?”

Old painful memories flood your mind. Your mother choosing her new repulsive boyfriend over you. Your mother isolating you from friends and family. Making you kneel on rice for hours at a time. Inventing new barbaric punishments just for you. She had never put as much love and care into anything, as she did torturing you. Being an adult now, you wrongfully believed that she would let you live your life. But that is not the kind of person she is.

"She's cruel and vindictive, I hate her. She's never cared for me in my entire life and I can't leave. She takes my money, traps me, beats me when she’s angry and drunk. I have nowhere to go. I've given up on my life, but if I can make her suffer one last time I think I could die happily."

Fyodor remains abnormally calm. It feels like the calm before the storm. You should've kept your mouth shut. What the fuck were you even thinking? Obviously that's not okay to say, why are you even here? For him to talk you down? Your legs are shaking. Although Fyodor is gazing at you tenderly, it's like he's looking right through you. Like he can read you.

"And you believe that this is the solution?"

You feel trapped. Breath hitching, your eyes start watering. You try to speak up but your voice is shakier than you expected. Why is it so shaky?

"I don't know what to do, Father."

He slowly stands up, making his way around the desk. You take a deep breath, readying yourself for what he might do. Maybe he'll restrain you and report you. But before you can let your thoughts go wild, he reaches out for your hand. His skin is cold, but it curiously makes you feel warm. It's like a shock to your system.

"I'm sorry that happened to you"

At those six simple words, you break down. No one in your entire disgraceful, miserable life had ever given you an ounce of genuine kindness. He gently wiped the tears from your eyes. You didn't even realize you had started crying, your throat and eyes were burning. There was a big lump in your throat.

"Do you not think that instead of doing something so horrible, so sinful, maybe you should turn to god?"

You pause at those words. Is that even a real choice at this point? This is a cry for help, you aren't looking for a god to follow. What use is he to you? God is the reason that you've had such a dreadful life.

"I have never seen you come to mass before, so why are you here? Is it because deep down you are hoping for god to save you?"

Taking a deep breath you try to calm down.

"I'm not a follower, I would never do that. God is the reason my life is so awful."

His eyes narrow. Fyodor's gaze is piercing and chilling. He takes offense to you talking about his deity in such a blasphemous way.

"I know you may feel that this is our lord and savior's fault, but that could not be further from the truth. This is the work of the devil, and the devil alone."

Shaking your head, you refuse to accept it. Is God not supposed to fix this? Is he not supposed to be all knowing? How could he allow this to happen in the first place? What did you even do to deserve this? Fyodor notices that you're deep in thought.

"I am sorry to be the first to tell you this, but you are not as innocent as you think you are."

His voice is much colder than it was before. It makes you shiver and tense up.

"All human beings are sinful. Do you not think it is better to acknowledge that and ask for forgiveness from our Father? What happened to you was unacceptable, but is the solution really to victimize yourself and act so foolishly?"

You were stunned. Looking up at Fyodor, who towers over you. He's so tall and imposing, it makes you feel small. He's so cruel. You had done nothing and now he was trying to make you feel guilty? Who does he think he is? You stand up angrily, deciding you don't have to take this.

"I'm leaving."

Fyodor raises an eyebrow.

"Please, sit back down. I understand that this seems harsh but violence is not the answer. Why are you even here?"

"I'm not sure."

Fyodor hums softly. Sitting back down he reaches over to his vase, taking a hold of a white rose, looking deep in thought. He gently runs his slender fingers over the petals and then holds the rose out for you.

"This is my offering to you."

You furrow your eyebrows, confused.

"What? A rose?"

Fyodor chuckles softly.

"Yes, a rose. But I am not only offering this rose, I am also offering you a chance to start over. So that you do not have to go back and see your mother."

You stay silent, completely bewildered.

"Why?"

He tilts his head, he looks almost baffled that you would question him.

"I am a servant of God. It is my job to help those in need, but in exchange I would like for you to start coming to church. I would like for you to at least try and follow the word of God."

You sit back down, considering the offer. Could he be telling the truth? This seems too good to be true. Fyodor notices your hesitance to take him up on this.

"I will provide you with a place to sleep and help you find employment. I am a well known priest around here, I promise this is a genuine offer."

He holds out the rose for you again. You finally accept it, nodding.

"All right then. I’ll take you up on it."

He smiles at you softly. As your fingers gently close over the stem of the rose, one of the thorns pricks you, drawing blood. You gasp softly, letting go of the rose as it falls to the ground.

"Are you okay?"

Fyodor looks concerned, taking your hand in his gently and inspecting the punctured finger.

"It is only a small cut, I could fix you up easily."

You look up at his face, noticing the kind look in his eyes. He's so ethereal. Delicately, he pulls your hand closer, cleaning the blood up and bandaging your finger.

After this, Fyodor shows you around your new living quarters and helps you get a job. He requires you to come to mass at least three times a week and have talks about how things are going afterwards.

Getting away from your mother wasn't easy. She was always watching you, looking for mistakes or something that may be off about you. Eventually, you finally saw a chance when you could leave without her noticing.

Since that fateful day, your days have been spent surrounded by ornate golden walls. The high cieling of the church make you feel like a small bug, crushed under the weight of God's will.

Fyodor has helped you see the mistakes in your thinking patiently. At first, you didn't even want to admit it but it was true that you're a sinner. However, God could cure you. He could forgive.

At this point you hardly ever spent any time outside of the church. Right after work you went inside that large, lavish building, repenting for your sins and working on your relationship with your lord and savior. Fyodor had even started planning for your baptism soon after you made the deal with him.

Spending so much time around that mysterious man, made you feel even more captivated with him. What is his story? Was he always like this? His eyes are so kind but so empty, there's something so off about him. Despite the bad feeling in your gut, you couldn't help but like him more. Whenever you would walk into his office, it was always beautifully decorated with white roses, fresh, blooming and shining in the sunlight. The bookshelves along the walls are always full of vintage books, smelling like parchment and wine. His demeanor is always serene. He would just sit there and listen to you, never once trying to interrupt you.

You came to appreciate his advice, he seemed to be on a higher plane of existence than you. In a way, he was your savior. Whenever he looked at you now, you could feel your cheeks warm and your hands get clammy. Disappointing him would be devastating.

It's night time now, about six months after you first met Fyodor. The church was completely empty at this time. Soft glowing moonlight is sparkling and radiating off the gold and stained glass decorations inside. Fyodor decided to sit on one of the pews at the front, admiring the large crucifix behind the altar. It fills him with a sense of pride. Pride to be one of the Lord's soldiers.

As you walk in, you feel uneasy. This is a building you love, with a man you care about inside, but it feels so cold… so isolated. No one else is here. It's just a big empty building. You can't help but notice how exquisitely it's decorated, compared to your cheap clothing. It doesn’t look like you should ever even step foot in here.

Sitting down next to Fyodor, he smiles at you softly.

"I haven't seen you in a while, Fedya."

"It has only been a few days."

Shrugging, you take in his appearance. He's still wearing his white baptismal robe, contrasting with his dark shiny hair. He looks so pure, so divine, it's hard not to be completely enchanted.

"A few days is too long. You're my only friend, you know?"

He hums softly.

“Do you need anyone else anyways?”

You go quiet for a few seconds, thinking.

“I guess not, I like spending my time at the church with you anyways.”

He slowly stands, walking up the stairs to the altar. You stay sitting.

“What are you doing?”

He doesn’t answer, standing in front of the crucifix, facing you. He pulls a chalice out of the communion table, filled with red wine.

“Come here, we may as well enjoy ourselves while you are here right?”

Your eyebrows furrow, letting out a little chuckle.

“Are we even allowed to drink from it under these circumstances?”

Fyodor tilts his head, almost offended that you would question him.

“Does it matter? Do not tell me youre scared.”

He pauses, sighing softly, noticing your hesitance.

“It is fine, you will not get in trouble for it.”

With that reassurance, you walk up the steps of the altar and stand next to him. He holds the chalice up to your face, intending to feed you the wine himself. Your cheeks flush, feeling babied and embarrassed.

“Can’t I drink it myself?”

He shrugs.

“Just drink, it is not a big deal.”

You nod, leaning closer and taking a sip. The metal of the chalice feels cold on your lips, while the wine makes your throat and stomach feel warm. Fyodor tilts the container up to help you drink more. Once you drink about half of the wine, you lean back, cringing at the disgusting taste of alcohol.

“Wine is always so bitter.”

He chuckles at your reaction.

“You are such a baby, it is not that bad.”

Without hesitation, he gulps down all the wine that was left over. His pale cheeks grow pink from the alcohol, and of course, you can’t help but point it out.

“You’re blushing, you know that?”

“So what? At least I can handle my alcohol.”

Suddenly, it’s not so funny anymore.

“Hey, I can handle it just fine!”

He chuckles quietly, gazing into your eyes. His stare is so intense that you grow silent and still. The effects of the wine are now messing with your head. Your eyesight grows fuzzy and your muscles feel heavier.

You can’t help but stare at him, he’s so handsome it’s unreal. The tension in the room thickens. Fyodor reaches up to gently brush your hair behind your ear. You gasp. His touch is electrifying. It feels like your skin is on fire where his fingers brushed against the shell of your ear.

“Is something wrong, dear?”

Your eyes widen at the pet name. Were you really close enough to be this affectionate? It felt too intimate, it felt wrong. You look around the empty room, suddenly feeling guilty. What are you even doing here? You’re not supposed to be here, you don’t belong. You’ve never belonged anywhere. Not at home with your mother, and especially not in a place so sacred.

Fyodor places a hand on your shoulder, making you flinch.

“What is wrong?”

Shaking your head, you sigh softly.

“Nothing… I just…”

You pause for a few seconds, trying to articulate your thoughts. Fighting against the haze of the alcohol, your tongue feeling heavy in your mouth, making you slur your words.

“I shouldn’t be here.”

When you finally look back at Fyodor, he looks concerned. There’s something so angelic about him that it’s hard to not immediately lean in and kiss him. He looks genuinely confused, as if its unheard of for you to be undeserving.

“Why is that?”

You hide your face with your hands, sheepish and uncomfortable.

“I’m not a good follower of god… I… I don't belong here.”

Fyodor takes a step forward, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. It feels too close, but instead of shaking it off and backing away, you let him.

“Come on, let us sit down.”

He leads you over to sit on the stairs in the altar.

“Dear… Why do you not think you belong?”

You pause. Can you even admit this? This is wrong. You have thought worse things and he knows it, but this is different. This time it involves him.

“I’m a sinner…”

He looks at you like you’re stupid.

“So is everyone.”

This is so frustrating. He doesn’t understand.

“Fyodor… Do you ever think we’re too close?”

“Why would I think that?”

Your hands clench, grabbing onto the skirt of your dress.

“You’re a priest… you should act like it.”

At that, Fyodor's eyes narrow. He takes offense to the suggestion that he isn’t acting in a godly manner.

“Explain yourself.”

His tone is sharp, he’s clearly unhappy because of you. You grow nervous at his anger, fidgeting with the sleeve of your jacket.

“I just mean… I don’t mean to offend you or anything… but you called me ‘dear’ and I feel like we’re getting too close…”

He still seems peeved that you would suggest he isn’t doing his duties properly, but his gaze softens a great deal.

“I see… Well, you do not have to worry about that. We are friends, are we not? In fact, I am your only friend.”

You nod. It felt embarrassing to have him casually talk about how lonely you are. You really rely on him for everything at this point.

With everything finally calming down, you both sit silently, looking out at the dark empty church. It isn’t awkward. Fyodor is someone whose presence you can enjoy even when you’re not talking.

Slowly, you both grow closer and closer. Maybe leaning your head on his shoulder is too intimate but you can’t seem to care anymore. Fyodor doesn’t seem to mind and the wine is messing with your sense of balance and judgment.

Fyodor’s hand slowly slides from your shoulder down to your waist, pulling you closer. You suddenly feel too warm in your own skin. You feel restless but you don't dare move from where you are.

Looking up at him, you notice he’s already looking down at you, studying your expression, looking at your features so lovingly. The tension in the room rises. You don’t know what to do, but you don’t want to look away. You can’t let this opportunity pass.

“Fedya…”

Your voice sounds much softer and weaker than you thought it would. It’s clear you're nervous, even to yourself, and especially to someone as receptive and smart as Fyodor. Your heart is racing. You can barely even speak. A warm, heavy feeling pools in your stomach.

“Yes, dear?”

The pet name makes you feel warmer and causes your skin to prickle. You sit up, you’re so close now that his breath is fanning over your face.

“Fedya… I… love you.”

Those words hang in the air, echoing throughout the vacant room. Fyodor doesn’t react. After a few seconds, his gaze travels down to your lips before looking back at your eyes again.

“I see…”

He looks away. Your stomach drops. This can’t be. Did you read things wrong? Why were you so stupid?? Your eyes are starting to water, even your nose is burning. This is so embarrassing. How could this happen??

“I am truly sorry… I-I think we had too much to drink.”

His voice is soft and understanding.

“I am a part of the clergy, we are not allowed to be in relationships.”

Despite the reasonable explanation, you feel upset. After all, emotions aren't rational are they? You can't even look at him anymore. The humiliation is too much.

“Please dear… It is not your fault, but the Lord comes first to me. I would never do anything to jeopardize my position.

He notices your expression and body language, pulling you into a hug. You can’t help but break down. The embarrassment and guilt finally catching up with you. You just wanted to be loved. Is that too much to ask? Even when you thought you had a connection, of course it had to be with a man who is unable to return those feelings.

“You are beautiful, you have a great personality. I am sure that one day, you will find someone who can love you back, but that person can not be me. With time, these feelings will pass.”

After a while of Fyodor comforting you and holding you close, you finally calm down. You both sit quietly. Even with the rejection fresh in your mind, even with your heart feels like it’s been beaten and abused, you can't find it in yourself to hate him. You should’ve known this would happen.

Fyodor and you sit silently. He reassures you that this has nothing to do with you, and after a while, he leaves. You sit alone in the dark empty church, feeling much more alone than when you first came in.

You decide you can’t just let your friendship with Fyodor wither away. So you stick around, still talking and enjoying each others company as always. When you next visit Fyodor's office, you notice his vase lacks the same bright white glowing roses. Instead, they have all wilted and dried up.

[loganwritesprobably]

Cash or Date?

Notes/Warnings: Benn/GN!Reader, Modern AU, philanthropist!Benn, nurse!reader, Benn says tip your nurses, fluff

"Are you sure?" Benn Beckman, local philanthropist, stood in front of you with the grin you'd come to associate him with plastered on his face.

"Yeah, I'm sure." He confirmed with a soft laugh, closing your hand around the wad of cash he'd given you.

Benn was visiting because he'd recently made a.. frankly massive donation to the hospital. He'd split the donation between several departments, but the largest chunk of the money was going to your department - pediatrics. He'd spoken to you and a group of other staff on the ward about how much he hated to think about and see sick kids. He thought they should be running around and making a mess, not be cooped up in bed. You found yourself agreeing with him quite adamantly.

He'd made a visit to the city hospital to see the various departments he'd donated to and find out how exactly the finance department had chosen to invest his money, and the impact it would have on patients. You'd been the one to help him understand the machinery and equipment the pediatrics ward would be getting, and the impact it would have on the children. You'd also introduced him to one such patient, who was excited about the chance to be able to play football again. He'd given these kids hope.

Now he was giving you money.

"I get a wage you know." You sassed with a sigh and a raised brow, reopening your hand to get a vague estimate of just how much money he'd handed you - your current estimate being 'a lot'.

"I know," he said with a warm laugh that made you smile along with him, "but tipping is important." Now that made you laugh. What a world it would be if people tipped medical staff like waitresses. What a vastly different life you'd lead.

"This is a lot of money you could give to a more worthy cause." You said, frowning at the notes in your hand even if you wanted to be able to see the numbers in your account flick as the amount increased.

"Then how about a date instead?"

[darkbluekies]

How do yanderes react to an affectionate reader?

Warnings: mentions of sexual intimacy, obsession, yandere, but it's honestly most fluff

— Silas: 

This man is a jealous, possessive, psychopathic little bitch and would melt if you were affectionate. Silas hasn’t been given much tenderness in his life, so in the beginning he’d be a bit uncomfortable. He thinks that you’d only want him in bed like everyone else. But when he realizes that you actually want to be close to him and hold him without anything sexual, he’d be determined. You would never be able to back out from that moment. Whatever chance you had of breaking up with him before are gone now.

“My sweet, little baby, you are so perfect. So, so perfect. You’re the best little thing in the world, aren’t you? A cute soul like you don’t belong in this harsh and unforgiving world … I’m going to protect you, make sure you’ll never be tainted.”

— Dr Kry:

This man is a big fan of his personal space. Physical affection is not something he is prepared for. He’d hold your hand and give you quick hugs before he felt himself getting nervous — a feeling he hates. He can’t let you know just how powerful you are over him. If you played your cards wisely, you’d have him wrapped around your finger like a puppy. But if you’re more of a person that wants to give him gifts and write him cute notes, he’d be more okay with it. He’d keep them all to look at when he’s feeling down. 

“Alright, one hug … but then you need to go to bed, okay, Y/N? Good girl/boy. I’ll see you tomorrow, sweetheart. You can always call for me if you need me, goodnight.” As soon as he comes out of the room, he puts his hand over his racing heart. “Fuck, fuck, fuck … fuck, Y/N, you don’t know what you do to me.”

— King Edward:

He loves having you affectionate. Edmund is an entitled little prick who’s gotten everything served on a silver platter. He expects you to worship him as well as much as he worships you. He can’t handle when people go against him, so if you’re affectionate, he won’t have much to worry about. He loves holding you, loves to hear you talk about your day and how much you’ve missed him. 

“You feel so good in my arms, my queen. I love you so, so much. Promise me you will only be mine. Promise me that you don’t show this wonderful side of you to anyone else. I’m the only one worthy enough to have your arms wrapped around me.”

— Jerry:

Just like Silas, Jerry hasn’t experienced much affection other than sexual ones. She’s uncomfortable with you being affectionate for the most part and often rejects you when you want to touch her. But there are moments where she can’t say no to you. If you’re crying (and it’s not because of a punishment that she is sure that you’ve earned) then she’ll swallow her pride, wrap you in her arms and give in. If you’d give her a gift (like a necklace or shirt etc), she’d pretend not to like it, but wear it all the time and not let anyone else touch it.

“Don’t touch me baby or I will send you to the basement. Don’t test me. Oh … you got me a gift? Is that why you’re so frantic? I thought you wanted to hug me. A necklace? Does it look like I wear necklaces?” When you say that you can take it back and change it, she’ll hit your hand. “No, don’t touch it, it’s mine now.”’

— Hedwig:

This girl would love it. Hedwig needs affection to stay alive. She’ll hold your hand 24/7, kiss every piece of skin that is visible, send you silly, little love notes and tell you how good you are, how perfect you two are together. So if you’re the same back … she’ll be over the moon.

“Look, I got you the video games you wanted! We can play together! You got me something as well? You didn’t have to feel bad for not giving me stuff … you know I love spoiling you! Okay, I can take it this time, but next time, don’t waste your money on me, okay? I love you, so, so much … I think my heart is going to explode!”

[rqsser]

Could I interest you in a photographer!John and reluctant model!Gale AU? In this universe, Benny runs an animal rescue, and to help raise funds, he blackmails convinces his friends to pose for a fireman-esque calendar. Brady knows John and convinces John to do the photo shoot gratis. John picks up on Gale's uneasiness and figures out what Gale needs in order to be comfortable with the shoot. Gale's photos end up being the best (sexiest) of the lot.

i’m finally catchinf up on my asks!!!! this hasn’t been in my inbox for too long but. i also haven’t answered it… love the idea anon!:)

->cross-posted on ao3<-

—

John has much better things he could be doing. As a private photographer, he’s been booked up for months in advanced, and he’s liked knowing his schedule like that. When Brady asked him about a shoot for his friend, he was reluctant to accept. Then he was given the specifics about where the money would be going, and agreed.

He was given free range for the theme, but was also prompted one very obviously, a firefighter calendar. It’s a good one, and most often a best seller. No doubts that it will raise more than enough money for Brady’s friend’s (Benny?) animal rescue shelter.

The only thing John is not looking forward to is the cocky models who think that they’re better than everyone. Simply being attractive doesn’t make you immediately superior.

At first, he was worried that he’d have to send out an ad for models, which he hates doing. Brady did mention as a last minute thing that Benny already has people in mind and that he’s just waiting for responses, so no pressure on him.

A few days ago, when John had an opening because a client had to cancel, eleven of the twelve models showed up to get their photos taken. He was pleasantly surprised to see that Benny had recommended a woman, Sandra, her name was. She was sweet, and definitely fit the firefighter scene. Maybe not as an actual one, but it just suited her well.

John had been annoyed that he wasn’t able to get the whole thing done with in one day. He understood that the guy, Gale, was helping Benny at the shelter, but was still peeved about it.

Now, it’s late, almost eleven at night. He wasn’t able to reschedule any of his appointments, so got stuck with an extra-long day. He’s not even being paid for this; Brady’s just calling him in for a favour.

He’s setting up his camera and a green screen background. John would’ve preferred something outside, but it’s too late and dark for that. Hopefully this whole thing can be over with in less than an hour, but probably not.

When John hears footsteps coming towards him, he hastily looks up from where he’s crouched down at his camera. Just to get a glimpse of the guy’s physique and what he’d look best in. Gale isn’t facing him, putting his things down tucked away in a corner of the smaller room.

The camera is fine for now. John’d better introduce himself so they don’t have an awkward shoot without speaking.

“Hi, I’m John Egan, nice to meet you,” he says as he stands up and walks over to where Gale is still organizing his things. Which admittedly isn’t a lot.

Gale turns around right as John finishes his greeting, his eyes wide and nervous-looking. Never mind Gale’s face absolutely being billboard-worthy, his entire stance is closed off and shy. He’s trying to meet John’s gaze, but his nerves seem to be getting the better of him. He’s harshly chewing on his bottom lip, and it’s silent for a second too long.

“Um. Gale Cleven,” he offers quietly after a moment. Gale hesitantly reaches out his hand for John to shake, which he does.

He ignores the whole awkwardness of the air, and gets to the details. “Alright, this is a private shoot, so nobody else should see you, especially this late at night. There’s a change room just in the next room over.” John turns and digs out the jacket, pants, and hat from the bin he’s borrowing. “Go put these on then we’ll start.”

Gale nods wordlessly and spins on his heel and leaves to get changed. John returns to his camera.

Ten minutes later, Gale reemerges to the studio. He has his shirt on still and is carrying the jacket instead of wearing it, and John realizes that he’s dealing with a camera-shy model. John schools his frustration and puts on a smile instead.

“Okay, Gale, you just need to lose the shirt and put the jacket on,” John more tells him then asks, but has to courtesy of not looking at Gale. He hears fabric hitting the floor after a second.

It’s more painful than he anticipated it to be. Gale’s whole body is rigid and his face seems uncomfortable. Why become a model if you’re going to be so self-conscious and not perform properly? Forty minutes pass, and John is less than pleased with what he has.

John stands up fully from where he was bent down awkwardly. “Gale, have you ever modelled before?”

All of his questions are answered when Gale reluctantly shakes his head. “No. Benny guilted me into this. He said I got all the good genes and I couldn’t let them go to waste.” His voice sounds so defeated and upset. John’s frustration probably wasn’t helping with how anxious he was.

He nodded. “Let’s talk while we’re doing this, then. Make you less jittery, yeah?” Gale takes a deep breath and agrees.

Things flow smoothly, for the most part, after John decided to actually talk to Gale. He seemed more confident in showing off his body and lean muscles, following John’s directions. Which some were just for his eyes to see. Sometimes he would go up and adjust some things himself just because he could, and he likes the heat that radiates off of Gale’s body in such a cold room.

He had Gale lose the jacket for some, just his bare torso, the pants, and hat. His favourite part is how well the suspenders on the pants held up against his body. Some of Gale’s side profile, some of him with a hose from a truck, some of him sitting down, fanning himself, water dripping from his hair. John had to take his sweater off half way through.

They had nice conversations, and the time went by a lot quicker than John wanted it to. He got to learn about Gale’s love for animals, his distaste for sports and liquor. Gale found out about John’s own love for sports, baseball especially, and how much he hates toddlers birthday parties.

Their time comes to a close at almost two in the morning. John waits for Gale to get changed and get his things, he packs up his camera and takes down the green screen. He walks Gale to his car, and tells him that he did well for his first time. However that may have sounded to either of them.

“Thank you,” Gale says quietly, and the darkness hides the way his cheeks heat up.

“Can I get your number?” John blurts out immediately after. To which Gale stares at him bewildered, and looking very embarrassed. “Shit. So I can send you the pictures and ask questions, or something.”

Gale raises an eyebrow at the tacked on or something, and pulls out his phone from his pocket. John quickly puts in his number and bids Gale a goodnight.

—

The next day, over John’s lunch break, he’s editing pictures from the first shoot he did for the calendar. He gets a text from an unknown number.

Do my pictures look good?

This is Gale btw

John smiles and picks up his phone.

Haven’t gotten to them yet

What month do u want?

December

People can wait an entire year before they get me on their wall ;)

Well, he’s a lot more comfortable over text.

Aye aye

He ends up picking one of Gale where his hair is damp and his jacket is hardly visible on the floor. His eyes are closed and he’s biting down on his lip slightly, head turned and his hand reaching up to touch his neck, leaned back in a way that looks natural. John edits the background to a general smoky-forest blurred out image; it’s not the main focus. He likes Gale’s photos the best.

All of the chosen images get sent over to Brady, then to Benny, who is forever thankful for John.

A week later, the calendars are printed and are displayed at Benny’s animal rescue shelter. Unsurprisingly, they were sold out in less than a couple of days and Benny raised more than enough money for upgrades on things. John mostly only came in so often afterwards to see if Gale was volunteering, which he usually was.

John has gotten messages about the calendar that made him laugh especially hard, even sending a few to Gale.

why did you put the hottest guy last????

Please I need 1000 more of these release all of the pictures you took

You wouldn’t happen to have more of the december guy would you…?

Everyone’s names were pasted underneath their image alongside John’s, no one seemed to care enough to read them. Not that Gale minded, just that people have started to talk to him when they see him in public, complete strangers, talking to an extremely introverted person. At least his responses were less exasperated and funnier.

Never thought that I would get an appeal from selling how I look to people

Should I model more?

Seems like it’s doing more for me than any job I’ve ever had has

I will support u in anything Gale

—

i’m sorry but firefighter calendars look so stupid to me. they’re so awkward

[eddiediazismyhusband]

no because actually my expectations for this season are so fucking deeply in the negative rn and that just made them go down even lower bc what the fuck do you mean it’s just a swarm of bees

who the fuck sat down and thought “okay we’ve had earthquakes, a tsunami, a dam break, hackers, a capsized cruise ship in a hurricane, a blimp crashing into a stadium……… yknow what we need? a bee swarm: nothing else… just a bunch of bees. Bc that’s worthy of a possible multi-episode arc!”

i really really really hate to feel like this but genuinely this show has been going downhill since s5 and nothing has given any signs that they are actively attempting to bring back the quality the show used to have…. which is disappointing as fuck seeing that tim minear actually used to think things through and put in effort to create a strong story but now he just sits there throwing shit at the wall and going with what sticks

between that and trying to shoe-horn in random ripoffs of old movies into the show bc he wants to be hitchcock or something, even though hitchcock actually had the capability of coming up with original and compelling narratives whereas tim just wants to milk out cheap drama by torturing these characters with needlessly convoluted and repetitive arcs that don’t advance their development whatsoever, therefore not earning any narrative payoff for the stress they put on the audience.

i understand this show is a drama, but tim used to actually put thought into things; now it feels like he’s just writing shit to write shit rather than actually putting in the effort he’s getting paid fucktons of money to do…

i’m fine with this show being a drama but the drama needs to actually have a point and stop. just running a hamster wheel, and if you’re gonna market something as a major season-opening disaster then MAKE IT WORTHY OF THAT not just a dumbass bee swarm that was so fucking predictable from the first teaser of the season

anyway, rant over with. i’m done w this show until something promising actually happens bc i don’t watch this show to see them getting endlessly tortured for no reason other than ✨drama✨ i’m sick of them dragging their feet and these characters having zero development every fucking season bc KR said “fuck development” in s5 and for some reason tim minear is continuing that trend

[shorthaltsjester]

taliesin and laura remain truly so fantastic at making characters who… don’t necessarily have something extremely and inherently in common but do have experiences that were caused by similar sources and that lead them to have quite different opinions/ideas about things but in ways that are typically very reconcilable? which is a lot of qualifiers but it’s a through line of vex/percy with nobility, jester & cad with loneliness (and also god stuff but in a different post maybe someday i’ll talk about how actually their god stuff is intensely related to their different experiences of loneliness), and now imogen & ashton with being left behind.

like vex was this character who technically had a claim to nobility due to her blood but at the same time was burdened because of that same claim. and percy who was born into and raised by nobility but that nobility ended up making his family the targets of a massacre. and then vex who lets down her walls and Do I Look Like I Come From Money? and percy giving her the title grand mistress of the grey hunt because it has nothing to do with blood, or his love for her, or anything aside from the fact that it’s something she can prove herself worthy of simply by virtue of who she Is, not who someone makes her. and percy and vex’s conversation about forgiveness and it’s necessity for growth as probably two of the characters most inclined to hold grudges.

and caduceus clay who gets left behind with nothing but his Belief while his family goes off into the world. and jester lavorre who gets shut inside with no company except her Belief as her mother protects her from the world. and they both get the burden of loneliness and the understanding of love’s nonmalicious imperfection. and caduceus having a panic attack on a ship and jester telling him that the world is a lot bigger than his cemetery and that means he has to break out of his comfort zone to find his path. and caduceus telling jester that he doesn’t think she gets as much credit as she ought to and she deserves more pastries. and jester thanking caduceus for showing her how cool it is to actually heal people and caduceus asking if she wants to use his shield while he doesn’t need it.

and ashton who was left broken and dying on the ground and was given inescapable pain as their means of survival. and imogen who was left behind by the only person who could provide true understanding of the pain she’d one day come to feel. and ashton who’s a barbarian, who wields their rage casually and unapologetically and who sees the Shittiness of the world but is unrelenting in his version of optimism. and imogen who is weighed down by pessimism she doesn’t Want to have but hasn’t cracked how to undo and who doesn’t admit her anger until it comes up again and again and again and carries it like a burden or like guilt, who we only see really Grasp and feel Confidence about her anger being something good in front of others when she has those conversations with ashton. and like. ashton who looks at imogen and sees a superhero. imogen venturing through ashton’s mind and holding his bleeding and exhausted head and saying i’m sorry. i’m sorry. and imogen who looks at ashton and sees someone special. and fucking “we got him killed.” and “no, we didn’t. don’t you dare. […] we are not what fucking killed that man. […] we are his eventual victory. we are his fucking revenge.” and “i’ll be his revenge.” and “i have no fucking doubt.”

and in general rp wise they both tend to make some of my favourite characters (also typically the ones i find most frustrating) because they both tend to make flaws that are easy to hate and they make those flaws very central to their characters but i think that’s also what makes their character interactions so deeply compelling because so frequently it’s like. yes yes these two characters have like. a helix of things they have in common but also things they deeply disagree on but they’re going to spider-man point at the things that are the same and they’re going to honour their differences while doing so. and it’s just. i always enjoy it so much and i was psyched when i heard about an imogen and ashton side pit stop in last nights episode and i was not let down when i watched the episode today.

[smolandweirdwriter]

ok so I’ve been posting a lot about s/jm a lot but shutup I have a lot of angry feelings rn bc she was such a big inspiration for me during the time i began writing the book im currently editing and i’m trying to purge myself of her shitty writing by reminding myself why i hate it so i don’t inadvertently adopt her techniques and characters

but Author Lady really went

“you know what a strong female character is? Someone who can use knives and fight and is Royalty and Special”

like a man writing female characters

im sorry it reeks of misogyny

this isn’t to say that I think female characters being made royal is bad! Hell no. But you need her to have a right to deserve the throne, just like a male character

A//elin has a birthright to the throne, but that’s all she has. She hasn’t been in Terr//asen in TEN YEARS. She’s sworn off killing people from her country during her time as an assassin, but other than that… Does she know her own people beyond her cousin, Elide, and the lords (ie Darrow and co)? No. Does she even know her people? No. So… tell me again. Why does the girl who showed up and suddenly decided she wanted to fight for her country deserve its throne? Once she is on that throne, does she have plans for taxes? For borders and the peasants who were stripped of EVERYTHING by Ad/arlan? She never once considers this. Her blood money will win her the war, but what of the aftermath? She is the queen of an impoverished country who has spent years in the lap of luxury, and she has no plan for her people beyond a self-glorified ideal of “freeing them”.

Now let’s examine Fey//re: she was an impoverished human girl who was made immortal and given magical powers. Why does having this power make her worthy of being a ruler? I’m sorry, but Tam//lin was right. He was wrong to cast her aside, fine, and wrong to lock her up, yes, but he was right: she is illiterate and knows nothing of governing. But it’s also Fey//re’s own fault. She asked him ONCE about being a high lady, and didn’t press him when he said there are none. She could have, but didn’t. She could’ve told him she wanted to be included in more meetings, could’ve pushed back. For all that she scorned Lucien for not helping her fight T//amlin’s restraints, she never really tried either. She has never been a ruler of anything, not even her own family. Why does she deserve a crown now? Because she can hunt and has lots of magic? Because Rh/ysand says so? Not. Good. Enough. She doesn’t care about the people. She doesn’t have any agency. She doesn’t have any ideas for improvement for the night court. She was better off in the spring court where she could have changed things like the Tithe, or even waited to see if that system worked and if it didn’t, PROPOSE A NEW ONE, don’t just try to undermine it.

I’m so glad I realized how shitty author lady’s books are before I completely molded my writing after hers

[killerskillercaptain]

Pillow Talk with Levi Ackerman : Eren

Themes : comfort, fluff, canonverse, romance, Levi and reader are married, late night conversations, deep conversations, reader showing concern about Eren.

This ficlet is part of the PILLOW TALK WITH LEVI ACKERMAN BOOKS. Make sure to follow the next ones by asking to be added to the taglist or by checking the Masterlist !

I Kuchel

II Kenny

III Hange

IV Erwin

V Farlan & Isabel

VI Mikasa

VII Eren

"Another sleepless night", you thought while laying on your king-sized bed, limbs all out. You stared at the ceiling, analyzing each crack on it when you heard the familiar sound of the bathroom's door being opened.

The wooden door would shriek every time someone got in or out of the shower, and no wonder, this place was so old it got you wondering how it was able to withstand the test of time.

You and Levi were staying in this secret base for some additional days. Soon enough, you'll be off to your next stopping point : Wall Sina.

Pixies had requested your presence along with the captain to discuss future strategies. Hange had given you the blueprint of a new advanced weaponry she was working on. The instructions were clear : show the higher ups the new efforts made into this technology, hoping they will find it interesting enough to demand another funding from the nobles. You prayed they would find Hange's work worthy of their time...and money !

"Shit. How long are we gonna keep begging like this ? Those rich bastards with their guts as saggy as their money pouches sure know how to make us crawl to them. All that wealth but they never lift a finger to help unless we stroke their ego, it's not enough for them to cheat on taxation apparently. Plus they always think of us as weak...who do they think is protecting their fat-asses ?!"

He threw a pillow on the bed before plopping down with a heavy sigh.

"Why do we have to be the ones begging ?".

"It has always been like this Levi, and you know it. It's never gonna change" you said eyes still firmly locked on the ceiling.

"If he didn't mess up the original plan, we wouldn't have to come up with this stupid weapon case !"

You knew that by "he", he meant Eren.

"Levi, try to be in his shoes-"

"Yeah right, he's gonna get my shoe right in his face again if he doesn't stop screwing things up !"

"Can you imagine how hard it is for him ? He just learned that he can transform, can you imagine what it's like...turning into the thing you hate the most ? Turning into the very thing that killed your mother...jeez. He only recently realized that, it's as new to him as it is to us, of course he's having a hard time assessing this, let alone control it ! Think of the emotional turmoil, think of-"

Levi shut you up with a kiss on the lips, they were still wet from the shower. He muffled your last words because he honestly couldn't care less about the excuses you were making for the fifteen-year-old boy.

"Stop taking his side, he's a soldier, he has to learn to tame himself anyway"

"Yeah" you let out in a defeated breath

"I don't know about his titan abilities, but he needs to be tamed. That brat has an ego as big as a titan's ass"

"He is still a kid Levi, i can only imagine how disoriented he might feel, dealing with such powers at such a complicated age, don't you think ?"

You lifted your palm and caressed Levi's cheek softly. You sensed he was letting his guard down so you took this opportunity to steal a kiss from your ever so-stoic husband.

You couldn't hide your concern for the cadet. Yes, he was an annoying fifteen-year-old boy with absolutely impulse control. His anger makes him want to prove himself to anyone who would dare provoke him, yet you had a soft spot for him and his devotion. After all, he was only a child when he witnessed his mother getting killed by a titan. He must have felt so powerless back then, that's why he probably feels he has no time to waste or to think and always launches head-on into danger.

"Look at us fighting about Eren as if he was our child" you chuckled.

"We don't have time to empathize with his situation, we need to know how to deal with him"

"Yes captain, but not tonight" you said sliding your gown off your legs, your shoulders, then your head, before tossing it in the corner of the room.

You tossed a leg over your husband's torso. His skin was wet yet warm and extremely comforting. You liked to rest your head on the crook of his neck, taking in his scent, he smelt so clean, as he always did.

You stayed in this position for the longest time until Levi's body turned cold and started to shudder. Feeling him quivering underneath you caught you off guard and you realized how late it already was. Levi slipped away and started to dry his damp skin, the moon casting a sweet light on his delicate figure. You couldn't help but ogle him, watching each and every one motion he made with the old towel.

Levi was literally shining under the dim moonlight.

"But damn, can you imagine turning into a titan ?" you said, both amused and repulsed by the thought.

"Well, at least i would be tall...and i would be the one looking down on our generous providers for a change, instead of having them staring down at me all the time"

He wasn't looking at you but he could hear you muffle a sweet laugh in the dark.

"Levi, you're perfect the way you are-"

"Go to bed already !"

Taglist : @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @notgoodforlife

[safic4-m]

💙Happy Anniversary

Pairing: Alma Lefay Peregrine x Fem Lector

Author's Note: Request made by MilagrosLucero072, this request was made on Nov 22 and let's just say it took me a little while to do it...*-*.

Number of words: 1579

~Master list~

One-shot

Wattpad

There were rare occasions when you had to go to town, as usually the house was self-sustaining, but on this occasion you needed to get some things for your anniversary with Alma, the problem was that she had to go with you. Initially you were not in the Peregrine loop, so the locals had not treated you in the most welcoming way and to avoid incidents like that, Alma would accompany you every time you went to town.

-You don't have to do this,- you tell the woman, putting an arm around her back.

-I don't want a repeat of what happened last time,- giving you a smile.

To put them in context, the last time you tried to leave without Soul, you decided to use your peculiarity, which is similar to Millard's, instead you can do it at will, only someone saw you and well... nothing good came out of it. You could say that many people died that day because of what happened.

You stop in front of a store and ask Alma to stay outside, a few weeks ago you had sneaked out during the night to look for a worthy gift for the ymbryne, then you found it, a beautiful pocket watch.

-Good morning,- you greet the old man behind the bar.

-Good morning miss, how can I help you,- he asks kindly.

-I would like to buy the pocket watch,- you answer pointing to the one you want.

The man hesitates a little before following your request.

-May I know who is the lucky man who deserves something like this?- he asks packing the object.

-It's for my wife,- taking the small box and handing him the exact money for the watch.

You leave the store leaving behind a man quite surprised by your confession and finding your beloved.

-Do you have what you needed?

-I do.- Showing a wide smile

-Okay, then we can go back to the house,- placing his hand on your lower back.

-I thought we could go to the bakery,- you suggest, knowing that the children needed more time.

-I'm fine with that,- starting to walk towards the store.

Once there, you meet the woman who runs the bakery, but you regret your decision when you realize who is there.

-Good morning Miss Peregrine,- greets the man with a flirtatious smile.

-Good morning,- replies the ymbryne, offering him a smile.

-Who are you?- asks the man with disgust.

-Y/n is a friend who came to visit us,- answers Alma being polite.

-Иди на хуй, идиотка, она моя -(fuck you asshole she's mine).

-What's that?

-Says it's nice to meet you- elbowing you in the ribs.

They come out with bread in their hands and Alma confronts you about what happened inside.

-I hate that I can't show openly how I feel because outside the house, then no one knows we are married and they think you are available. -You think I don't want to do it too, that it doesn't hurt me not to be able to kiss you in public, I wish our time was like that about us- taking your hand to go back home

- - - -

The children had tidied up the house while they were away to celebrate their anniversary and honestly the day had gone by pretty fast, Peregrine loved your gift exchanging her old pocket watch for the one you gave her, but there was still one last gift that could only be given in the privacy of her room.

-Y/n...Where have you been?- the ymbryne asks the air as she enters her shared room.

Suddenly a pair of arms encircle the woman's body, taking her a little by surprise.

-Here I am,- you say, resting your head on her shoulder.

-I was looking for you while I put the children to bed,- turning around in your arms to face you.

-I was preparing something,- carefully taking her face and placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

-What is it, may I ask?- with his hands snaking inside your open shirt.

-Come with me,- leading her into the bathroom where the bathtub is ready with some candles and bath salts.

-This is perfect,- she says with a smile as you help them take off their clothes.

Alma gets into the bathtub and sits on one side of it to watch your every move while you take off your clothes, until you are completely naked and get comfortable behind her.

-This feels good,- Peregrine says with a moan as she settles herself on your body.

-You deserve the best, honey,- leaving a kiss on her shoulder.

You start washing her hair, massaging her scalp, after having kept that hairstyle all day, you continue with her back, massaging the pressure points, receiving a moan in return.

-You've been so stressed lately,- you say in her ear, seeing her close her eyes.

-Mmmhhh,- she lets go, taking your hand that is on her waist.

-Every day you do your best to take care of the children,- intertwining your fingers with hers.

Your other hand begins to roam her body, every curve, birthmark, scars that represent her battles.

-Let me take care of you sweetheart,- planting a kiss on her shoulder.

-Please..,- she says, releasing your hand and guiding it to her legs.

Her breath catches as your fingers find her core, you comb her hair back with your other hand to leave a kiss on the nape of her neck. Alma couldn't help but move her hips forward to meet your touch, her breath caught as you began to slowly and gently circle her clit.

-Do you like it?

Another moan was her only response, ending with a sharp inhale as you slid two fingers inside her, making you swallow a moan at how tight and warm she was.

-You're doing great,- you breathed, leaving a kiss on her shoulder.

Her hips began to roll to assist and guide your movements.

At one point Alma let out a noise that started as a moan and ended in a sob. Moving her hips harder and faster, dropping her head on your shoulder.

-Y/n...

You pushed another finger inside, pulling another moan from Alma, she was breathing fast in your ear, clinging to the sides of the tub

-You look so beautiful like that honey- murmuring in her ear making her come undone.

You pushed your fingers deeper as she squeezed them and her body arched against yours, stealing your breath. Your teeth sank into her lower lip and drawing a little blood.

You helped her down from her height, whispering words of love in her ear, splashing kisses on the skin you reach.

-What do you say we take this to bed?,- Peregrine asks, turning to look at you

-Okay, the water's getting cold anyway,- helping Alma out of the tub.

As soon as you finish drying your body, you have Alma on top of you claiming your lips in a kiss full of passion, you take her face while you savor Alma swallowing a moan from her, while you move both of them to get to the bed.

Pushing Peregrine onto the bed, staying there for a moment to admire the woman you had decided to share your life with.

-What?

-You're fucking beautiful

The ymbryne was very particular about vocabulary, but in the bedroom things were different. You dreadlocks down Alma's body splashing kisses your way until you settled between her legs, making her move her hips instinctively towards you.

You left a kiss on her belly and pushed her hips down.

-I've got you

Rubbing slow, lazy circles with your thumb over her clit, little sighs came from the ymbryne trying to keep as quiet as possible, after a few moments, you pressed your thumbtip firmly over her center, making her squirm beneath you.

You slid the pads of two fingers up and down her center, between her folds, teasing her entrance.

-Stop teasing,- she reproaches, looking at you angrily.

You can't help but laugh at her words and turn away from her completely.

-I have to remind you who's in charge, sweetheart,- taking her jaw to look at you.

There were no words to describe how much Peregrine loved it when you were dominant with her, for a woman who was in charge of a house full of children, being in charge in the bedroom was not something she wanted to do.

-No,- you reply, pulling her thigh together to get some relief.

-Good girl- caressing her cheek lovingly.

After returning to your place between her legs, you teased her some more, you slowly pushed two fingers inside her and curved them. The sounds coming out of her mouth were heavenly, a sound that very few people had the joy of hearing.

You kissed and nibbled the inside of her thighs, a hand in your hair guided you to where she needed you most.

Your tongue begins to lick her moist folds as you gaze into her eyes, though your view is blocked repeatedly every few seconds by her rapidly rising and falling chest.

-Fuck...- she sighs as you speed up the rhythm of your tongue.

-Please... don't stop,- she begs, wiggling her hips.

You could feel her walls tighten around your fingers and you knew it wouldn't take long for her to cum, her back arches at the amount of pleasure she is receiving, her knuckles turn white from the tight grip they have on the sheets as she is pounded by her orgasm.

When Alma caught her breath again, her cheeks were turning a beautiful pink color as you took care of wiping away every last drop of her juices.

-Here, honey,- handing her a glass of water found on the bedside table.

-Thank you,- patting the spot next to her.

She immediately snuggled up to you with a sigh of contentment, with a little giggle you planted a kiss in her hair.

-Happy Anniversary

[inthe-afterglows]

A Court of Thorns and Roses Review

A Court of Thorns and Roses - 3 stars -Was boring and repetitive for the first twenty chapters, second half redeemed it but overall I didn't really get the hype. Tamlin lovers ... I will never understand you. Feyre was in that place for three months and Tamlin only attempted to see/speak to her alone once and they didn't even talk. They just made out after she'd been traumatised for months. How about some words of encouragement? How about trying to get her out? How about sending someone to heal her after Lucien was injured? Rhys played the villain to help her and you know what? It worked. She's only alive because of Rhys.

A Court of Mist and Fury - 5 stars -Was actually really good! Romance was 10/10, fantasy and action was 10/10. Chapter 55 really did live up to the hype and I loved Rhys and Feyre's banter and tension leading up to it -- they had so many good moments in this book and Rhys gatecrashing Feyre and Tamlin's wedding will forever be iconic. The last 100 or so pages had me so hooked with every plot twist gagging me. Also why is Tamlin pretending to sleep whilst Feyre is vomiting her guts up every night due to PTSD so funny and yet so sad? The ending of this one really cements him as a piece of shit. TBF he is not THE villain but he is Feyre's villain and I hope she makes him pay.

A Court of Wings and Ruin - 4.5 stars -Was really good, Feyre really delivered on her threats to Tamlin and I lived for it. Rhys and Feyre were both in top notch form in their final novel and all the action was great. And again to Tamlin lovers who say Feyre went to far in destroying his Court, let's not forget that when given the chance to be civil to Feyre, he double downed and basically called her a slut in front of all the High Lords in Prythian after thinking of her as property he could bargain for. I personally lived for Feyre taking down the Spring Court, it really showed how far she'd come since the last time she'd been (trapped) there and shows how worthy she is of being High Lady of the Night Court. Just remember, Rhys built her up whilst Tamlin tore her down. Again, he's not THE villain but he is the villain in Feyre's story.

A Court of Frost and Starlight - 3 stars -I liked the insight into their 'quieter' lives after the war but this was essentially a Christmas special. Nothing actually happens in this book plot wise and I actually really begin to loathe Nesta in this one. Kinda sad in this one that Rhys and Feyre weren't having their own little adventure like they talked of in acowar. I would've enjoyed it more plotwise if they had taken a week off to hunt Bryaxis or something (low stakes but still action-y) and they could have cute moments/convos whilst camping on the hunt.

A Court of Silver Flames - 3 stars -It made me understand Nesta more but I still don't really like her as a person. I think there was a bit where someone said she didn't fail Feyre and I wholeheartedly disagree. Elain and Nesta BOTH failed Feyre as older sisters when they were living in that cottage. They were both happy to sit at home and spend the money Feyre earned whilst Feyre was the one who went into the dangerous woods and kept them fed and clothed. I also didn't love the romance in this one because it wasn't a romance. Nesta and Cassian fucked and were friends but there was hardly any romance. Another issue I have with this one was the lack of anything really happening. This was more a mental health journey than a fantasy action / adventure romance which isn't really what I was looking for from a series like this. I think this one might've been improved with a Rhys or Feyre POV or even a Mor POV so we could have at least seen more of the politics going on in the NC at the time and with Nesta's mental health journey / training being contained to the first 30-50% of the novel instead of the whole thing. I would have liked to see her being involved more in missions and making amends more because her hating on her sisters and Rhys for over 80% of the book was really getting old and she really did not have a leg to stand on so it was infuriating to read. At one point I was really only reading for the Feyre x Rhys crumbs.

Overall: As a series this is really average for me. Out of 5 books I only really liked 2 which is less than 50% so I really didn't understand the hype for this series which was really sad because I really wanted to like it. I will say the world building was fantastic. I think the world SJM created was done so well but unfortunately the plot or lack thereof in a few of these novels really bumps it down for me and the pacing novel to novel really sucks. I also would have been more invested if the books following the first four still had Feyre and Rhys as main characters. As it stands, I feel SJM has mostly sidelined them from a storyline perspective for future books. I would have enjoyed seeing more of their adventures that they spoke of at the end of ACOWAR before they started having kids.

As for the Fourth Wing vs ACOTAR debate .... FOURTH WING all the way! I am convinced that people only like acotar more because it came first. To me Fourth Wing has the better romance and overall books (it certainly had the better first novel). This could change as more books from Fourth Wing come out but as it stands, in my opinion, Fourth Wing has given us 2/2 really good books (rated 4+ stars) so far, and acotar 2/5 so y'all do the math lol.

[mswyrr]

I did my dissertation on post WW2 veteran mental health. The realities of that war got erased and remembered in the US as "the good war." But there is no such thing. It broke people; a lot of them. During Criston's despairing speech I thought of these lines from Kurt Vonnegut's "Slaughterhouse Five":

Vonnegut was one of the artists who wrote about the ways in which WW2 was very much not good, because war itself is never good, not even when it's necessary and people have no choice. There was an evil side in that war, clearly! But that doesn't mean anyone was good or that war can be good.

All of the lies of honor and masculinity Criston told himself have just collapsed under the the reality of war. I might find the lies he told himself disgusting--the man is deeply patriarchal, sexist, etc--but that's what he was given by his society and now it's collapsed and his will to live along with it. Those lies are, in fact, designed to dupe men into willingly going to war and having their bodies and minds broken like this.

I feel like HOTD is committed to being an antiwar narrative -- not in a preachy way, in a very "show, don't tell" way -- and I love that. It's been decades now since US pop culture has had a genuinely, bone deep antiwar narrative.

The fact that the one major battle they spent money on was gut-wrenching and horrific. That the aftermath is that so many people are now mentally and physically maimed for life. There is no glory, only despair and human beings (and loving animals like poor Sunfyre and Meleys) slaughtered and maimed.

"And for what?" is the question that hovers over the whole scene. For what? Do the lies this system tells hold up under the reality? Can any throne (of conquest!) be worth this? Any notions of honor?

And all of this is happening at the same time we see what striving for that throne of conquest and believing the deep, long-term lies (of conquest!) is doing to Rhaenyra -- Aemond is becoming monstrous, someone who will burn innocent people, and [as I go into detail about in this meta] so is she. The "show, don't tell" of that when we see how little Aegon, the brother they want to knock out of the way, actually wanted any of this! The whole set of lies is empty; it's certainly not worth burning cities full of people to death for it.

But their pride, their identity, their sense of family love, and now their very survival is all caught up in that. They're more tragic to me than the people who have seen it's all empty and not worth this. *That* is what Helaena was trying to tell Aemond - she wasn't trying to hurt him! She was trying to say: can't you see, it's not worth this? It doesn't matter.

(And, to be clear, the Rhaenyra parallels with Aemond are about how this thing is not worth all this death for anyone, son or daughter. Seeking after it destroys you and everyone you love. Not because you're a girl, but because the thing itself is broken and poisonous - there is no good way to sit on a throne of conquest, erected by people who burned innocents alive to dominate the population).

All of this is why I don't think the story hates or dismisses the male characters! Rather, I think women are being allowed to be total messes in plausible ways and it's showing a side of what is asked of men that isn't shown enough - when you fly off to battle thinking it will be grand (because societies tell boys from the time they're small that it will be) and then die in horror or have to live mentally and physically disabled as a man in a society that thinks that makes you less of a man (and therefore not a worthy person at all). Or you come home and physically hurt your sister and scare your mom. Criston thought it would be noble - all he wants now is to die. Similarly with Aegon too. And with Aemond... he went into this never intending to be someone who would engage in domestic violence against his sister, his mother. But now he is. He hasn't despaired, like Criston and Aegon, he's become even worse than that.

Violence has been depicted by Hollywood as something external to the characters largely over the past few decades. Something they do that gives them power. Maybe it makes them sad, traumatizes them, but it doesn't fundamentally change them forever inside in ways that make them feel lessened and warp their relationships. But that isn't what it is. At best, it is a necessary thing that leaves people deeply scarred. And most of the time it isn't necessary at all; the system and people making those decisions are corrupt and don't care about morality or spending human lives carefully.

Even when the writing falters (due to being screwed over by the studio! A month before production the studio cut the episodes from 10 to 8 - and then they forced them to film even when the writers' strike was going on and there was no way to adjust in rewrites anymore) they're aiming so damn high on so many levels that I just love it. And, no, not just because of the canon queerness! That is one of several difficult things they're trying to do simultaneously while being kneecapped.