#i have one possible idea how they could have met if that's even realistic

[cfffrk]

What if Jeeves had worked as a page boy at a private boys' school in his youth?

[woso-dreamzzz]

Teenage Dirtbag

Mapi Leon x Ingrid Engen x Teen!Reader

Summary: Ingrid just doesn't understand you

Mapi had never met you before.

She's met the rest of the Engen family. She's met the family pets. But you'd never been around she visited with Ingrid, like your family had put you as far away as possible when she met them.

Like you were something to be ashamed of.

It's a bit of a bad first impression to make when you're shipped from your boarding school, back home and then straight over to Spain to live with her and Ingrid.

She doesn't even get to introduce herself before Ingrid's laying into you.

"Again?" She demands as soon as you're safely in the back seat of the car," Expelled...again?"

"It's not a big deal," You mutter, slouching in your seat and pulling your hood over your head.

"Not a big deal...Not a big deal?! You've been kicked out of school! You've been kicked out of the house! Oh, but it's not a big deal?!"

Mapi's never seen Ingrid so angry before but you're taking it like a champ, looking out the window and generally ignoring your sister even as she snaps at you.

"Are you done?" You ask in the most bored tone you can manage.

Ingrid takes a breath. "Ye-" She catches sight of you in the rear view mirror and whips around to face you. "Is that a hickey?!"

"Do we have to do this?" You groan," You ask me if I've got a hickey. I give you an answer you don't like. You yell. Can we just skip to the bit after you scold me?"

Ingrid's practically bubbling in rage sitting in the passenger seat and Mapi's left scrambling trying to diffuse the tension.

"So..." She says eventually," You like football?" It's a weak redirection but it gets an amused scoff out of Ingrid as she rolls her eyes.

"I'm not into exercising willingly," Is your answer," It's alright from a distance. Even better when a girl's doing it."

Ingrid groans louder now and swats at your knees but it's teasing and it's like all of her anger from earlier has melted away. "Don't," She says warningly though a hint of amusement is still present in her voice," There'll be none of that here. You're here to focus and to study and to better your grades."

You send her a lopsided smile. "How am I supposed to improve perfection?"

It's that evening after you've retreated to your room that Ingrid is left in a slump over your grades and your truancy records.

"I don't get it," She says to Mapi," She misses almost every class but she has perfect marks. It's like she doesn't even have to try."

Mapi shrugs. "Maybe she doesn't," Is her response," Some people just get school better than others. To be honest, if it's this easy then that's probably why she never turns up."

"And the hickies?"

"She's hormonal?" Mapi doesn't really have an answer to that as she's handed your transcript.

"And this?"

Ingrid slides Mapi a picture. It's of one of this out buildings that every school has that they swear is temporary but never go unused.

"That's..."

Mapi stares at the side of the building. She stares at the colours on the wall, at the way they weave expertly in and out of each other. She stares at the shading and the light.

"I know," Ingrid says, her face all scrunched up and Mapi gets the idea that they're not on the same page.

"It's brilliant."

"It's disrespectful."

They both spoke at the same time. They exchange a confused look with each other before turning their gazes back to study the picture.

It's clearly spray paint, the mural that you've done on the side of one of your school buildings. Usually, Mapi would see tags on railway lines out of spray paint. But, somehow, your mural is hyper realistic (Mapi would even go so far as to say photorealistic).

It's...Well Mapi doesn't quite have the words to explain it.

"I'd love to see what she could do with a pencil."

"Mapi!" Ingrid hisses," Don't encourage her!"

"No, no," Mapi backtracks quickly," I get it, totally. She shouldn't have done it there. It's wrong and it's bad but Ingrid! Look at it! People dream of having talent like that!"

For the entire night and the coming days after, Mapi thinks about the mural you did it on your school.

She ends up asking Ingrid for your Instagram during the lunch break at training. Ingrid gives it to her with a confused look.

"If you're going to use it to try and work out where this behaviour is coming from, it's useless," Ingrid says with a defeated sigh," I've already gone through it all."

That wasn't what Mapi was planning to do at all so she just offers Ingrid a little smile and a promise to see what she could find. To her disappointment, no more of your artwork has been posted on your main account.

She scrolls through your following list, all the way to the bottom, to find an account that she's positive is your secret one. Its username is a bunch of random letters followed by dot-art and its profile picture is the mural on the side of your school building.

Mapi feels like she's hit the jackpot as she scrolls through it (feeling pleased with herself when she notices a bunch of your school friends follow this account too so it must be you). You've got hundreds of posts up, detailing murals you've done around your hometown and your school. There's a few still life drawings and a huge oil paint piece on a massive canvas. There's an image of a drawing that's clearly done in pen on someone's arm.

It's photorealistic just like your spray paint piece and, if you were older, Mapi would probably beg you to be her tattoo artist.

When she and Ingrid get back to the house, you're napping at the kitchen table.

Ingrid swears under her breath, rousing you from your sleep. "I told you to do your school work," She says.

You shrug. "I did." You shove your notepad towards her. "It's not my fault that it's not difficult."

"You've done the bare minimum."

You shrug. "I'm not into doing more than I have to."

The tension in the air is practically electric as you both stare each other down.

"Lose the attitude," Ingrid says," I'm trying to help you here. Mum and Dad won't let you back home until you clean your act up."

You mutter something under your breath and Ingrid goes rigid.

"Don't say that!" She snaps," They want what's best for you! We want what's best for you!"

"They want what's best for them!" You snap back. In the few weeks that Mapi's known you, you're the most laidback teenager she's ever met. You've never once really bit back at Ingrid, no matter how hard she pushed you.

Ingrid's tough love had seemed to be working. You napped regularly, yes, but you got all of your schoolwork done. You don't come home with hickeys and no strange murals have appeared in Barcelona by your hands.

She must have hit a sore spot for you.

"You're smart," Ingrid says," You're so smart and I don't understand why you don't apply yourself more! If you worked properly, you could graduate early and be at university already!"

"There's nothing at university that interests me," You mutter," It's a waste of time."

"It's not a waste of time!" Ingrid retorts," What are you going to do when you finish school, huh? Do you even have a plan?!"

Mapi sees your eyes dart to where your sketchpad sits a few feet away. She can see the cogs turning in your head.

You stay silent.

Ingrid sighs, hands clenched into two shaking fists. "I love you," She says," But you need to get yourself together." She shoves your papers right back at you.

"I've already finished it!"

"You've done the bare minimum." She swipes your sketchbook off of the table. "Sit down. Do it properly."

"Give it back!"

Ingrid's tall and, even though she's your sister, she's still tall enough to hold your book over her head so you can't reach it. "You get it back when you do your work properly."

"Give it!"

"No!"

"Ingrid, hand it over!"

"Do your work!"

"Urgh! I hate you!"

"Well, too bad. Because I love you!"

You slump into the seat with a scream that makes Mapi's ears ring a bit but you grab your pen and start on your schoolwork again.

"Come on," Mapi says softly, drawing Ingrid into their bedroom and shutting the door.

Ingrid throws your sketchbook onto the bed and paces, pulling at her hair in frustration.

"What-What did she say?" Mapi asks, her mind playing that moment when Ingrid went stiff over and over again.

"She said that she wished Mum and Dad got rid of her when they had the chance...you know...when she was..."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Ingrid groans. "I-I just don't understand her! She's so smart! She has her pick of everywhere! Mum and Dad can get her into medical school! It's like she has no ambition!"

Mapi types into her phone. "Have you considered that, maybe, going to medical school and university isn't exactly for her? I mean, you went straight into football."

Ingrid sighs, the tension draining somewhat from her body. "Mapi...It's different. I had a passion for football even when I was younger. I practiced every day. I knew what I wanted."

"She practices something every day," Mapi replies," And she's so good at it. Honestly, Ingrid, it's a little annoying that you and your family haven't noticed."

She turns her phone around, to a post on your secret Instagram account. It's tagged as a city a few hours away from your old boarding school.

On the side of a crumbling house is a spray paint mural of Norway's women's team. It's got everyone on it, photorealistic like all of your other murals. Ingrid's in the middle though, beaming a smile that you can see reaches her eyes.

"What?" The real Ingrid asks, brow furrowed.

"Your sister did that," Mapi says," She's done a lot of them." She grabs your sketchbook and flicks though it. You'd shown her all of your pieces a few days ago when she asked to see them. "Ingrid, she's so good."

Ingrid flips through your book. There's pencil drawings in there. There's watercolour and acrylic and oil. There's a pastel study of your cat back home and an inked version of Bagheera. There's a stunning piece in charcoal of you and Ingrid when you were younger.

Her fingers hover over your squishy baby cheeks, like she could reach into the picture and touch them.

The next few pages have pictures of your own arm with tattoo designs wrapping around them.

"Ingrid, she's so talented," Mapi says," And, yeah, maybe she shouldn't skip class or leave her work to the last minute but she's found something she's passionate about and loves. How would you feel if your parents didn't support you in your football and made you go to medical school?"

Ingrid wipes the tears out of her eyes when she flicks to the last picture you've drawn. It was from last week, when she rewarded you for doing all your work before the weekend with ice cream. You had taken a picture with Mapi and Ingrid, tongue poking out and cheeks pressed together.

You've replicated it perfectly on the page and scrawled a little heart at the bottom along with your signature.

"Jona...Jona said they're looking for someone to do a mural on the back wall of the Johan Cruyff," She says eventually, flipping the book closed," We...Er...We..."

"I'll call Jona," Mapi assures her," Go and save your sister from work she's already finished."

Like Mapi said, you've already finished all of your work and you're sitting stubbornly at the kitchen table, rolling a piece of lint between your fingers.

You're taken completely off guard when Ingrid pulls you in for a hug. Usually, it takes an hour or two for her to calm down after yelling at you.

"I love you," She says as she pulls away, cradling your face as tears run down her face," I love you so much."

"Ingrid? What's going on?"

"I love you," She says," And I want what's best for you. If you promise me that you'll try just a bit harder in school then I swear, I'll make everything better."

"Seriously, you're freaking me out here. What's going on?"

Map appears over Ingrid's shoulder with a dopey smile. "You should thank your sister. She's just sorted you out with a job."

"A job? Ingrid, no offence, but you don't even like me out of your sight. I can barely get by in Spanish. You want me to get a job too?"

"The Estadi Johan Cruyff needs a mural done-"

"Several murals," Mapi cuts in.

"-And you're doing them."

You blink in shock before a grin splits your face wide open. "Seriously? Are you joking?"

"Keep trying hard," Ingrid says," And I'm sure me and Mapi can sort you out with so much more."

[cherriegyuu]

lens of ice | yjh | two (final)

pairing: jeonghan x f!reader genre: figure skater jeonghan, light angst, a little fluff, these people are just in soo love, smut word count: 17k summary: jeonghan has only one chance left to make it to the olympics. as he embarks on this decisive journey, you, a documentarist, are set to follow him as he seeks the ultimate glory. warnings: minors do not interact, kissing, masturbation (f) a/n: i can't belive i actually managed to finish this one! i started to write it maybe in october and it took me forever but here it is. again, thank you to @ressonancee for giving me the idea and putting up with my shit💓

part one || part two (final)

The thought of going back on your word crossed your mind, truthfully. You weren’t even sure why you said yes to dinner with Jeonghan in the first place.

It was a recipe for disaster. It was the only way you could possibly describe the situation, to begin with. The flirting had gotten out of hand, to the point where Seungkwan was already angry and had said “if he grows balls big enough to ask you out, please say yes, this tension is annoying”. Vernon had agreed.

When you heard that from Seungkwan, you thought that he was crazy, that he had completely lost his mind. While it was safe to say that you had developed a crush on Jeonghan, something completely inappropriate in your work, it was hard to tell where he stood.

You liked to think that from day one you were able to say what was on Jeonghan’s mind. You had been able to say that he was holding back on his answers and you called him out on his shit, something that proved to be very efficient, because after that he started to answer all of your questions with honesty. Or at least, you liked to think that he was.

It never really crossed your mind that Jeonghan might have some sort of interest in you. You thought that he was flirting more for sport than for anything else.

The rumors ran around, about how he was sort of a player but he was careful not to date any other skater. Not to create a sense of discomfort, someone had said on a forum online.

It was something that you had yet to ask him. About his love life. And there were two main reasons for that: 1) you didn’t know if it was something that he wanted to talk about and unless he had a wife or a serious girlfriend, it mattered very little to the documentary; 2) you didn’t want to know the answer.

It had never happened to you like that before. You had done so many interviews, went to many places, met so many different people, and not a single one of them was able to captivate you quite as Jeonghan had.

You knocked on the door and waited. A second later, Jeonghan opened the door. You had grown too used to seeing him in comfortable clothes, shirts that were way too big for him, sweats. The only piece of clothing that showed any shape of his body were the pants he used to practice and even then, everything was hidden under a large hoodie.

The man in front of you had tailored pants and a dress shirt on, the sleeves folded back, revealing his arm.

You cleared your throat, suddenly unaware of what to say.

“I was thinking you had given up,” he said with a smile, almost uncertain.

You shook your head immediately.

“There was a lot of traffic today, it’s a friday after all”

It was indeed friday but there wasn’t as much traffic as you made it seem. The truth was that you were late to leave your apartment. Just as you were leaving you got cold feet and sat down on the couch for about twenty minutes, wondering if you were doing the right thing.

What if whatever happened that night, let it be good or bad, affected your job? Realistically speaking, there was no way that it wouldn’t. If it turned out to be a bad date, then things could get awkward. And if it turned out to be good you simply wouldn’t know how to handle yourself or him.

“Sorry that I didn’t take you out, out. And this is all that I had to offer”

He took a step to the side, giving you enough space to walk in. Although you had been to his home many times and sort of knew how it looked from the heart, it felt different to walk in without having Seungkwan and Vernon at your back, carrying one too many bags of gear. The place looked all too different and familiar at the same time.

“No, this is great actually” you smiled at him.

Your smile grew bigger once you saw the table he had set. The room was half lit by candles, in the center of the table was a small vase with fresh flowers, the city behind the window a perfect canvas. A bottle of wine waited for the two of you and the plates, delicate porcelain, were set. Instead of sitting opposite each other, Jeonghan made it so that you were both facing the window.

“You said you liked the night view,” he said while scratching the back of his head.

You turned to him, smiling, wanting to reassure him that it was perfect.

“I really do,” you said softly “Did you cook?”

The apartment smelled heavenly. It was the smell of homemade food if you still even knew what that was like. At least you had never ordered food that smelled like that. Maybe ordering was something that you weren’t that good at, or maybe Jeonghan was just one of those people who went above and beyond even when just ordering.

“I did,” he said proudly “I don’t know if it tastes good, but I followed the recipe to the T”

He pulled the chair out for you, his smile sweet while he watched you. 

The little butterflies on your stomach found life again, suddenly floating around. You wanted to face-palm yourself. Just a few months before you thought the worst about Jeonghan and suddenly there you were, saying yes to a date with him, your heart hammering inside your chest. 

With one of his hands still on the back of our chair, Jeonghan reached for the bottle of wine, pouring some of it into the glass in front of you.

You expected him to sit by your side but he took a step back, making a turn to the kitchen. You started to get up to follow him, but Jeonghan came back and pushed you onto the chair again. 

“Let me help you,” you laughed, looking up at him.

Jeonghan scrunched his nose at you and shook his head. 

“You stay right here. I’m just going to bring the food out”

He squeezed your shoulder before moving to the kitchen.

You rested your chin on your hand, looking at the city in front of you. There were very few parts of town that had such a beautiful view, not that you were one to enjoy looking at lit-up buildings. But maybe it was the moment, it was the way the way your skin tingled where Jeonghan’s fingers had touched you. You pressed a hand to your chest, urging your heart to calm down a little.

You liked to think that you were only feeling that way because it had been a long time since you had dated someone, since anyone had shown real interest in you, since you wanted to get to know someone past the work environment. 

There was a little movement to your right before Jeonghan came back into the room. He set the dish in front of you and while you weren’t too sure what it was — it looked like some kind of stew — it smelled and looked amazing.

“I have to admit that I don’t usually cook a lot, or at all most times” he laughed “Most times someone comes in and cooks enough for a week or two, following the diets I have to be on. So all I have to do is take it out of the freezer and eat”

You watched as he set the dish in front of you, steam coming out of it, and put some on the place in front of you. He did the same for himself before finally sitting by your side. 

“I never saw someone around here, besides Joshua”

You took a sip of the wine before taking the spoon in your hand. 

“She usually comes when I’m out for practice, or in these past few months…” Jeonghan was in the middle of his sentence when he saw your writhed face “What’s wrong?”

“I’m really sorry,” you said, covering your mouth with both hands, trying to hold back your laugh.

Jeonghan looked at you, laughing too, but he was in complete disbelief.

“It can’t be this bad” he reached for his spoon.

You were already laughing when Jeonghan started to cough, taking a large gulp of the wine. How had he managed to fuck up so bad was beyond him. He followed the recipe to the details but somehow it tasted bitter.

“Did you taste it, at all?”

“I… no?”

He groaned when you started to laugh at him again but somehow ended up right along with you. 

“I swear I followed the recipe,” he said again. 

He wanted to have a nice date with you and get to know you better. Although it wasn’t going exactly as he had planned, seeing you laugh like that, so loudly and carefree somehow made it all worth it. Jeonghan made a mistake that he shouldn’t have, one that with someone else would have turned the night into a complete disaster but with you, it became something to laugh about. 

And Jeonghan loved the sound of your laugh. Since he met you on that first day, he wondered what it would be like to hear it. You had gone off on him, baring guns in both hands, your hostility screaming at him the entire time. 

He had done his best, or at least he thought he did. However, on the very next day, you called him off on his shit and said that the footage they had was unusable because he hadn’t been honest enough. 

Jeonghan hadn’t been honest enough with anyone, ever. He wasn’t even sure that he was honest with himself. He always worried about whether or not he was able to move forward. Pushing forward was one thing, actually living was another one, entirely too different. 

Throughout most of his life, Jeonghan only knew how to push forward, like a bull. The world around him mattered very little, the people around him mattered even less. 

Somewhere along the way, Jeonghan became all too obsessed with numbers and the love he had for the sport became a shadow. Even then, when he was doing everything in his power to make it to the next Olympics, his last, he wasn’t really sure it was something he still wanted or if he was doing all of that simply because it became second nature to him. 

Skating was like breathing but it had become awfully painful to do so. 

And then you came in and for the first time, he wanted to impress someone. Who he already was, or the version of him he showed, did nothing for you. You looked bored most of the time. Talking with Seungkwan about it had made things clear in his mind. And he felt it in the way the original direction of the documentary had changed. 

It wasn’t just about the sport anymore, how he was healing to make it to the competition. It truly became about him. 

“Maybe something was rotten, don’t worry about it” you patted his hand, reassuringly. 

Jeonghan saw a chance and he took it, holding your hand. For a second your fingers stilled in his, your eyes a little wide looking back at his. He almost pulled away from you, his dropping a little when you didn’t seem to want his touch. 

Then your eyes grew a little softer and ever so lightly you held his hand back. 

“I really wanted to have a nice dinner with you, though”

You couldn’t help but smile at his cute pout. 

“Maybe we could order something?” you pointed at the wine in front of you “In my experience, wine and pizza are a great combo”

You were the first one in the office, which was a first for you. Not that you were someone who was constantly late. It was just that you were usually the last one to leave. 

However, sleep wasn’t something that came to you. You were too giggly, your mind wandering through places that normally it didn’t so you thought that working a little was maybe a good idea to take your mind off things. 

Not things. Someone. 

Yoon Jeonghan.

Despite the initial accident, the night had been nothing but perfect. When was the last time you had fun? Actual fun, not the kind you sort of force yourself to have not to bother others, or to try to fit in some sort of situation. 

The night with Jeonghan had been so easy. Conversation simply floating around you. You didn’t feel like you were there to interview him or to be interviewed. You were just talking, getting to know each other in a way that was so entirely different from how things had gone between the two of you until then.

Jeonghan, you learned, was a menace in school and with his sister, always playing pranks and still somehow managing to get away every single time. I could make such an innocent face and everyone would just fall for it, he said at some point. There was no hint of regret in his voice and his eyes were filled with mischievousness while he talked. 

“There were these kids who made fun of me because I was a small kid. I tried to let it go but it went on for months. One day,” he said smiling, the memory of the day still completely fresh in his mind “I was already angry that I couldn’t make a move, I don’t even remember what it was, to be honest. They kept picking on me, saying these snarky comments so I waited. One of them left his bag behind, with his skates hanging off of them. I filled both of them with boiling water. I still remember his mother screaming at him”

You gasped, sort of laughing but also a little bit in shock at the mind of a 9-year-old. But awfully dangerous too, for both of them. 

“What if he put the skates on?”

It was hard to mask the horror in your voice

“It was after practice, while we waited for our parents to pick us up. He left his skates back and went to play because his mom was late. I just wanted to ruin his skates, not for him to get hurt. I took his takes to the kitchen, poured the water in, and let it sit there for about ten minutes before I put his bag back where I found it”

Your laugh was too spontaneous and Jeonghan couldn’t help but laugh along. Since the moment he saw you for the first time, he thought of you as beautiful but watching you laugh, so openly and carefree was breathtaking. His heart behaved in a way that he didn’t see coming. 

“I think we need to send you to a doctor because I refuse to believe you’re normal”

Suddenly just holding your hand wasn’t enough. He wanted more. He wanted to kiss you, he wanted to know what it would feel like to press against yours and have you want it too. His mind, he had decided long before he even met you, was the kind that liked to play tricks. So maybe it was playing a trick and it came up with the thought that you wanted to kiss him too. Maybe he was imagining that your eyes moved from his eyes to his lips from time to time.

He wanted to make the first move, he knew that if he didn’t the chance of you doing it was very little. At the same time, he was scared that it might push you too far. You had gotten surprised enough when he held your hand.

Realistically he knew that it wasn’t much but the two of you worked together and there was still so much more to do, the Olympics were still months away. And although you weren’t going to see each other every single day in those months, you would still have enough meetings. 

So what if he read it all wrong and things suddenly became awkward again? The last thing he wanted to do was go back to how it was when you first time. You had been cold and distant but for an entirely different reason. 

“Jeonghan?” your voice had been the quiets he had ever heard from you “It might be the wine talking so if I do say something weird please blame it on the alcohol and tomorrow we pretend that I never said anything at all”

He looked the the two bottles already empty and the third one by the middle. It was, indeed, a lot of wine. 

“Is everything okay?”

You sighed, eyes closed for a second before finally looking at him again. 

“I need you to kiss me, okay?” you said exasperated “Because if you don’t I don’t think I…”

Jeonghan’s lips were on yours before you even finished what you were saying. He hoped that it was along the lines of I don’t think I will. 

Your lips, he decided right then, were his favorite thing in the entire world. He loved that when he pressed harder you made way for him, your lips parted to give him full access. Your hand moved from his chest, up to his shoulder, and then the nape of his neck, lightly tugging at his hair. And when you let out a small whimper on the back of your throat he swore his entire world almost became undone. 

The night had turned, somehow, into a make-out session. The two of you ended up on his couch, hands all over each other and bubbling laughter. And you refused to complain. It was everything you wanted and then so much more. 

Leaving had been so hard. All you wanted to do was to lose yourself in Jeonghan and all that he was and that silently promised to be, even if it was just for one night. You had to force yourself to leave and Jeonghan didn’t make it easier for you. If anything, he did his best to make it as hard as possible. 

He went down with you, and waited for the cab by your side, your hand tucked inside the pocket of his jacket while he played with your fingers. 

“You could let me take you back” you looked at him, eyebrows raised “I don’t mean driving but I could get in the cab with you and then come back”

“That’s just a waste of time. I’ll text you once I get home, I promise”

It was clear that your answer wasn’t the one he wanted but it was the only one he was going to get. He pulled you closer to him while you waited for the cab. The position was awkward you didn’t want to move, not in the least.

You were there for a couple of minutes before the taxi finally pulled up by your side. Jeonghan opened the door for you and waited for you to get inside. 

“Sir, I may not look like it, but I am crazy. So I hope you can get her some safe and sound”

The driver looked at you from his rearview mirror, eyes wide. 

“He really is” you played along “He once threw hot water at a kid”

Jeonghan laughed, a little too hysterically, too much wine you were sure. He stuck his head through the window and quickly kissed you. 

“Seriously, text me as soon as you get home”

With a groan, you hid your face in your hands, knowing fully well that the warmth in your cheeks didn't come from the weather but from the memory of Jeonghan. You laughed a little, remembering how you had to assure the driver that Jeonghan wasn't actually crazy and that he had never thrown hot water at a child. The man didn't seem to believe you but that mattered very little. 

You were overflown with a sort of happiness that was new and also so very scary. 

That giddiness was something you always wanted to feel, but never actually got around to it. Your previous boyfriends, not that there were many of them, never really managed to get that much of a reaction out of you. That was not to say that you didn’t like them at all, because you did. You wouldn’t have stayed with them for a second too long if there were no feelings at all involved. 

Your feelings for them, however, were so small compared with the way you felt about Jeonghan. It was one date, just one night, and it felt as if your entire life had changed in a way you thought that there would be no coming back from. 

“You’re early,” someone said behind you. 

You felt as if your soul had just left your body when your entire body jumped at the new sound. You had been so lost in your thoughts that you failed to notice Seungkwan walking in and of course, Vernon right behind him. 

“Jesus, what the fuck” you ran your hands over your face before turning around to face him. 

Like most mornings, Seungkwan had a coffee in his hand and his phone in the other one. Come to think of it, you weren’t sure you had ever seen him without a coffee in his hands. You weren’t sure how someone could drink so much coffee and still function but then again, he was drinking iced americano most times and the coffee in there had so much water that you were sure most of the caffeine was deluded so…

“So…” he wiggled his eyebrows at you.

God, you hated the fact that he knew. Behind him, Vernon also had an expectant face. Of course, he too wanted to know. The problem was that you didn’t want either of them to know. It was something you wanted to keep to yourself, locked behind countless doors. And maybe, just maybe, if you were lucky enough you’d get to savor that feeling again if a second date with Jeonghan ever happened. 

“Do you want to go over something or we can just… you know, work?”

“Aaah” he complained, carefully setting his coffee on his desk before spinning your chair until you turned to him “You can’t leave me in the dark like this”

“Us, actually,” Vernon said, doing the best he could to hide his smile. 

You had always thought that Vernon was someone who was on the quieter side of the world. Mostly he kept to himself but when paired with Boo Seungkwan? The man could be just as troublesome as the other one. Pair that with the fact that both of them were good friends who often went out together and you’d get yourself a perfect mix for a gossip disaster. 

Seungkwan, as the one who is so friendly everyone just wants to spill their deepest secrets because he looks like someone who’d always offer crazy advice. 

Vernon, as the quiet one everyone wants to tell their secrets because he looks like someone who’d keep all of them just to himself. 

The one thing everyone seems to forget is the fact that those two are friends and they talk. Hopefully only amongst themselves but you weren’t willing to bet on it. There was no way you’d want people to know that you went out with the one person who you were working with. The celebrity, most of all. 

“I’m not saying a word” you just shook your head and moved away from him "We have a lot of work to do, so get going".

“You’re not saying a word about what exactly?” Jihoon said, coming up from behind Seungkwan.

The younger man looked somewhat in distress, his eyes wide going from you to Jihoon, then back to you again. It was at that moment you realized that he had never really crossed your mind, in any way while you were Jeonghan, ever. He wasn’t even an afterthought or anything of the sort. He wasn’t even your boss. Jihoon was no one. 

“I went on a date last night, that’s all”

It was as if you were the one entering the ice, the one who was being watched by so many eyes. Instead, you were one of the people watching. Your legs were shaking up and down, up and down, and there was no real way for you to stop it from happening. You felt as if your future was the one in line, not Jeonghan’s. 

To you, the only real consequence of him not making it was that that documentary would be canceled, for him it meant that everything he had worked for was lost and his last opportunity would never come. 

So, the reality of it was that you were nervous for him. Because you had finally gotten a real glimpse of Jeonghan and you knew how much it meant to him, all of it. He downplayed it, yes, but it was on everything he didn’t say. 

You could see it in his eyes whenever he mentioned figure skating, which was surprisingly very little when you didn’t have a camera on his face. It was clear in the practiced every single movement with such care, always aiming for precision, in an almost healthy way. 

Jeonghan downplayed it a lot but the sport meant everything to him. 

You sat in the bleachers, Seungkwan to your left and Vernon to your right. The three of you hadn’t gotten permission to be closer to the ice, or anywhere near really. Athlete after athlete performed, every single one of them doing so well that you felt your heart start to beat in a mismatched way. 

Your stomach was tied in knots, a lump on your throat as if you were about to spill your guts out at any given moment. You were too nervous and you hated it. Because if Jeonghan saw you, which you doubted, you wanted him to see someone who was confident and sure that he was going to do well, not someone who looked like she was about to faint. I will find you in the crow, he said the night before.

“You look like you’re the one about to be evaluated,” Seungkwan said.

He patted your hand, which unknowingly gripped your thigh as strongly as you possibly could, your knuckles turning white. 

“How did he do this for so many years?” you whispered

The question was more to yourself than to Seungkwan. 

In one of the many conversations, you had with Jeonghan, coming to mind. 

“The worst part of it all is being compared to other people,” he said, eyes distant, as if his mind was taking him to somewhere he didn’t want to be but at that moment he didn’t have a choice “Because what if I’m having a great day but the other isn’t? What if I had more chance to practice than others? What if I have an injury and the other doesn’t? We’re never on the same scale”

He looked troubled, eyes brows furrowed. You took his hand in yours, your fingers massaging his palm. His eyes looked a bit clearer when he turned to you but still, there was so much vulnerability in them. For a moment it was like seeing the same boy from the videos, someone who seemed powerful but was still so scared.

And ultimately that’s what it was. Fear. 

It was his last chance and he was scared if might fail. Jeonghan wasn’t too sure that he could live with himself if he did. 

“Truth is, there’s never going to be a scale. Ideally, it would be great but that is not the reality of it. I think your best should be enough, always. You’ve doing everything you can and we can all see it” you scooted closer to him on the couch, resting your shin on his shoulder “To me, you’re the best in the entire world, ever. It’s not much, I know, but I hope you know that I will unconditionally root for you”

Maybe it was unfair for Jeonghan to think like that, but for the first time in many years, he truly felt as if someone was by his side. You held his hand because you knew that he was scared, you cared and the reasons were yet unknown to him. Either way, he was going to hold onto it.

“I think that for people like us it sounds excruciating, but I bet he’s used to it” Seungkwan’s voice brought you back.

He hates it too, you wanted to say to choose to stay quiet. If there were things Jeonghan wanted to keep a secret, even if it was opposite to what you were supposed to do, you would keep your mouth shut. 

Even before the screams, you felt something swift in the air and it could only be described as Jeonghan. It was as if the air suddenly turned electric and his present, all on its own, larger than the small arena you were in. When you finally saw him, the air got stuck in your lungs.

On a daily basis, Jeonghan was an extremely handsome man. Almost inhuman and unfair to others around him. But that day, while he walked in, he was indescribable. Nothing about him was normal.

It was like seeing a work of art in motion as if a painting on display in a fancy museum had come to life and was walking among the mere mortals of that gymnasium.

Jeonghan wore blue, a color that you discovered was his signature. In every competition he participated in, even as a child, Jeonghan wore blue. Whether it was the entire outfit or just some detail. He always wore blue.

And then, like a moth drawn to a flame, Jeonghan's eyes met yours and he smiled. A different smile than the one you had seen him give so many times before. It was more natural, even sincere. You wanted to have smiled back and waved at him, but it was as if your entire body was frozen and any movement was impossible. And maybe you didn't want even more attention focused on yourself. The people sitting next to the three of you were whispering among themselves, so the last thing you wanted was for them to find out that that beautiful smile was directed at you.

"I don't know what's going on between you, but if someone smiled like that at me, right in the middle of the arena, with dozens of people watching, I'd get married immediately" Seungkwan didn't share the same feeling of remaining still and silent, but at least he was polite enough to whisper at your side.

A whimper escaped your mouth, but you chose not to say anything else. Because, in truth, you didn't even know what was happening between the two of you. There wasn't a conversation, a simple "yes, we're together", but whatever it was, however long it lasted, you were willing to enjoy every second of it.

Jeonghan positioned himself in the center of the ice, eyes closed, and took a deep breath, once, twice. The first chords of If I Could See You Again sounded through the scattered speakers and a new and completely unknown feeling spread throughout your body. Pride, perhaps.

One after another, Jeonghan executed the moves with precision, almost exactly like he had done in training. You couldn't tell if the differences were good or bad, which could take or add points to the total.

Almost at the end, with just a few seconds left until the end of the short program, Jeonghan lost his balance. Not to the point where he fell, but enough that he had to touch the ground to stop himself from falling. The three of them said, in unison, "shit", Seungkwan making a crying sound in the back of his throat.

With one last turn, the performance came to an end and the song ended. Even with the mistake, the crowd exploded in screams and applause. The famous rabbits and stuffed animals were thrown towards Jeonghan. Following the people around you, you also stood up, clapping your hands.

Your heart begged Jeonghan to look in your direction again, even for a second. Jeonghan raised his head and the smile he gave was that rehearsed one, that you had seen many times before and that wasn't even remotely real. The irritation at his mistake was clear in his eyes, but no one seemed to notice.

He bowed to the judges and the audience behind them, sliding across the ice to catch one of the swooping rabbits. Finally, he turned towards you, his eyes immediately meeting yours. Throwing all caution out the window, you said "you did well" without making any real sound and hoped he understood.

Despite the bad taste in his mouth, left by his complete inability to complete the performance without mistakes, Jeonghan felt as if the hand that was squeezing his heart loosened when he looked at you. He waved once more to the audience and skated to the exit. His coach was waiting for him. The man's face was a strange mixture of relief and frustration.

"You did well," he said, even though the words were the same as yours, the intention was completely different "It wasn't such a serious mistake, so it shouldn't have too many points deducted. If it goes well tomorrow, we can advance to the world championship"

Jeonghan nodded. He didn't need to hear that, he knew, better than anyone, what was at risk and what he needed to do.

A performance without errors, that's all he needed.

At the request of Jeonghan's coach, there was no filming after the performance.

"He can talk about everything tomorrow. Now he has to focus on the free program"

You had no arguments to argue and you didn't want to either. Filming was, by far, your last concern. All you wanted to know was if Jeonghan was okay. You spent hours debating whether to call him or not, and in the end, you decided not to.

The big truth was that you had no idea where the lines were, which ones you could cross, and which ones you should religiously stay behind.

Therefore, you chose to send a text. Are you okay? was all you ask. Then you sat on the bed, legs crossed, and waited.

You didn't know what to do if Jeonghan would respond, or if he was concentrating to the point of not going near his cell phone - which was probably a good idea.

Jeonghan had the fourth-best score among short programs. Seungkwan explained that despite the mistake and the near fall, Jeonghan had moves that were considered difficult to execute and those were worth more points and he was precise in almost all of them, which resulted in him having a good score.

"If he hadn't made any mistakes, it's possible he would have come first," he commented, a hint of sadness in his voice.

Seungkwan was easily a fan. He didn't make the slightest point of hiding it. You weren’t one at first, you knew the bare minimum about skating, but as time went on, as you got to know Jeonghan, it was completely inevitable.

"I'm sure he can do it" Seungkwan assured.

The phone vibrated at first and half a second later the screen lit up and Jeonghan's name shone on the screen, a photo of his smiling face above his name. You hadn't uploaded a photo when you saved his contact, but you were sure who the culprit was.

"When did you put a picture of yourself on my phone?"

Jeonghan felt relief wash over his body just hearing your voice, knowing you were smiling on the other side. He was able to take a deep breath for the first time since the morning.

He couldn't quite understand how he had gotten into that situation. He couldn't even pinpoint a catalyzing moment, the moment he realized something was changing. One moment you were just someone he had to work with and then you became someone he longed for. There was no middle ground. It was like someone flipped a switch in his mind and his heart, as he could finally just be. No strings attached, no fear.

With you, he was simply Jeonghan, the person. Not the athlete, not the guy who appeared on television now and then. He was just another guy, with a normal job, a normal life. There are many normal ones, Jeonghan, yours may be different from mine and that's okay, you said it once.

Maybe that was the moment he realized he was in love with you. Maybe perceived isn't the right word, but it was the moment he allowed himself to feel.

"It's an inconceivable fact that you don’t have a picture of me on your phone"

You laughed at it and he wished he could be close to you. He wanted all your moments, no matter how small and bad they were, to be engraved in his mind.

"My phone has a password," you said. Your tone wasn't reproachful, you weren’t irritated. If anything, you were happy to be talking to him, that he was in your life.

"Your birthday isn't a very clever password," he said, laughing.

You wanted to ask how he knew, but the answer was pretty obvious: Seungkwan.

"Are you okay?" you asked, tone cautious. "No pain?"

You hated having to change the subject so abruptly, hated that you were the one changing the light tone of the conversation. But you had to know, you had to ask.

It was a second, nothing more than that, that turned on a warning light in your head. Jeonghan was sitting, waiting for his score announcement, when his face quickly contorted. It was there and then it wasn't. But you had seen that scene before, you knew exactly what it meant.

"Yes, I am," he said, still trying to keep his tone light.

"Jeonghan..."

He wondered when you were able to understand that he was lying. It didn't really matter. Jeonghan liked knowing that you knew him well enough to know the difference. It was the first time anyone cared enough to understand.

Jeonghan realized that by your side, he experienced many firsts.

"A little discomfort, but I told the doctor" he was quick to say, knowing exactly what was coming next "I have ice on my foot right now. I can compete tomorrow, it won't be a problem"

He wasn't lying. He felt the discomfort after his body cooled down and told the doctor. Maybe it was in the hopes of having a fair reason to give up. He had never talked about being in pain so quickly.

"I'm not confident" he admitted "It's like I was 12 again, in my first competition. I think I was more confident before, to be honest"

He lay down on the bed, staring at the hotel ceiling. It was a simple beige ceiling, hideous, but somehow, it gave him some peace of mind.

“You did really well in your first competition,” you said, hoping that would somehow help him.

Jeonghan just hummed in response but stayed quiet. He had too much on his mind, you knew. It was the shadow of a possible new injury, the idea of not being well enough to perform the movements easily, and the fact of not being confident. Everything had turned into a big snowball and he no longer knew what to do with all these problems that seemed unsolvable.

"Do you remember that day, when you were training and everyone was around? Even Jihoon showed up to watch, which was quite strange by the way" Jeonghan said yes, quietly, which was enough for you to continue " You weren't confident that day either and asked everyone to leave"

"Except you," he said.

"Yes, except me" you smiled, the memory still fresh in your mind, as if it had happened the day before, and not months before "We were there for another half an hour and you didn't make a single mistake after getting it right. I know it's harder now, that you can't kick all those people out of there, but you can imagine that it's just the two of us again. I told you before and I can tell you as many times as you need to hear, I'm rooting for you unconditionally"

Jeonghan sighed, his body finally relaxing completely.

"You could be more eloquent in your cheering," he said, his tone mocking.

"If I'm too eloquent, we won’t use Vernon’s videos," you said laughing.

Your laugh, Jeonghan decided, was the eighth wonder of the world. It was his choice and the only right one among all the possibilities.

"You could at least smile"

"That I can do"

You sat in the same place as the day before, the only difference was that Seungkwan was on the left and Vernon was on the right. But you were in exactly the same place as you promised Jeonghan you would. Not that you exactly had much of a choice, it was assigned seats, but at least you were lucky to have the same ones.

Also like the previous day, Jeonghan was the last to compete. You watched them all carefully, trying your best to spot mistakes, but you could only see the obvious ones. When, for example, the athlete who was in second, taking into account only the short program scores, fell. You knew you shouldn't, but you couldn't contain your squeak of joy. Both Seungkwan and Vernon laughed, but you knew they shared the feeling.

Everyone wanted Jeonghan to do well, of course.

Exactly like before, the world seemed to stop when Jeonghan entered. And this time he knew exactly where to look, where you were in the crowd. When he smiled and you smiled back, he felt like he had made the right decision at some point. Because, somehow, you were there and everything seemed like it would work out.

And even if everything went wrong, Jeonghan felt like he would be okay too.

You wanted to scream with the rest of the audience when Jeonghan took the podium in second place. You knew it wasn't what he wanted, but you also knew I wanted it more than he expected. But, as you had told him on the phone, if I were more eloquent, all the footage would be lost.

You excused yourself from Seungkwan and walked to the other side, where it was empty. When the silver medal was finally placed around your neck, you clapped and screamed like the other girls next to you. Jeonghan's free program was perfect, the deductions made by the judges, according to Seungkwan, made no sense at all - but you were sure it was the fan version of him speaking than anything else.

If it weren't for the lowest score from the previous day, Jeonghan would have been on the podium in first place. However, when he finished his presentation, he seemed to care little whether he had gotten a good score or the position he would get. He seemed satisfied with his performance. His smile as he bowed to the audience was genuine and joyful.

"Will you allow me to be honest?" Joshua said beside you.

You brought a hand to your heart, your body moving involuntarily away from him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"

You smiled and shook your head. There were a few times that your and Joshua's paths crossed. He was Jeonghan's childhood friend and would occasionally appear. You were so focused on Jeonghan and on his performance that you hadn't noticed that you hadn't seen Joshua on either day of the competition.

“Of course,” you said clearing your throat.

Joshua stuck his hands in his pants pockets, his eyes still focused on Jeonghan who was walking down the podium and returning to the locker room. He looked at the medal, a small smile on his face, almost completely covered by his long hair.

"I thought you would be a problem, but I'm glad I was wrong"

When Jeonghan was out of sight, you finally turned to Joshua. He seemed to apologize with his eyes.

“A problem,” you repeated, to make sure you weren’t hearing things.

He scratched his head and smiled.

"Yes, a problem. You have become a central point for Jeonghan in recent times, I thought you could be dangerous to reach the goal of the Olympics. But looking at him now, I think you were never a problem, but rather the solution"

It was impossible to contain your smile for the rest of the night. Everyone left together after the press conference, which for once was not a fiasco.

You and Jeonghan never told anyone else that you were together. You want to know for sure what it was. But when everyone arrived at the restaurant, the two of you, Seungkwan, Vernon, Joshua, and the coach, everyone just seemed to move in a way to let you and Jeonghan sit next to each other.

Every time he placed his hand on your leg, a new wave of heat spread throughout your body. You were sure that Jeoghan knew what he was knowing, that he knew the effect it had. When you looked at him, he was looking at you smiling. He looked like a naughty child, who knew he was up to no good and was just waiting for someone to show up and tell him off.

The coach seemed uncomfortable, and now and then he cleared his throat. He only knew the rumors about Jeonghan, he had never seen him with a woman before. Joshua acted as if it were just another day, something he was already used to. Seungkwan and Vernon exchanged looks and laughed, you were sure you would have to deal with them later. The teasing would be tireless and at this point, it would be impossible to stop rumors from spreading around the office.

The thought that others might know what was going on between you and Jeonghan didn't scare you, at least not the way you thought it would. You were afraid that people would think you were less professional because of this, and that you might lose credibility. But none of that seemed to matter.

For the first time in a long time, you were happy. You didn't care if they knew because, at the end of the day, it was nobody's business.

You had made a name for yourself and it had nothing to do with your personal life.

And Jeonghan... he made you feel things you had never felt before. Your other boyfriends, as much as you liked them, didn't compare. The feeling you had for them seemed insignificant in comparison.

You wanted, as absurd as it might seem, to take care of Jeonghan. Not that he needed it, you knew he could manage just fine on his own. You wanted to be someone he could share his problems with, someone he could count on. You wanted to be someone who could be a safe haven, someone he didn't need to hide from.

And you thought, to a certain extent, you had become that person.

And without realizing it, even if unintentionally, Jeonghan had become that person for you too. When you had nightmares you wanted to call him, to be comforted by his sweet voice. You liked it when he held your hand, just because he liked it. You liked that he sent texts at random moments that made you smile and that left everyone around you wondering what had happened.

You had never believed that I could fall in love, not like that. The mere thought of liking someone like that seemed impossible, at least to you. You still had memories of your mother crying, right after your father left. You had promised yourself that you would never let anyone approach you like that. But Jeonghan showed up and it was as if the thought had never crossed your mind.

After the initial shock of meeting Jeonghan, it was easy to understand why people fell in love with him.

Even at that moment, when he wasn't doing anything much, just talking to Joshua and Seungkwan, the infamous butterflies didn't seem to leave you.

"Do you want to leave?" he asked suddenly.

Everyone had already eaten and some were waiting for dessert. It felt wrong to get up.

"Are you tired?"

As if on cue, Jeonghan closed his eyes and yawned, making everyone laugh, even the coach. He grabbed your hand and pulled you lightly, his head slightly tilted towards the restaurant door.

"We're going now," he said as he took your hand and in his and guided you out of the restaurant.

The thing about Jeonghan is that you never wanted to let him go. Once he was around you never wanted him to leave. So when he offered to take you to your room and said yes when you invested him in, you almost giggled like a teenager. 

Is that how people felt when they liked someone? You knew the feeling of liking someone, yes, but it was different. A new feeling that was both exciting and scary. Your brain was partially inclined to run away and partly desperate to just stay. 

When liking someone you always think back to your mother and how she never really recovered after your father left. Of course, she smiled and had many happy moments over the years but there was this distinct glow in her eyes that simply vanished the second he left. 

You had always promised yourself that you would never give someone that much power over you and while you knew that you weren’t quite there yet with Jeonghan, you knew that there was a high chance of becoming something so great one day you’d have no control over. 

Without much thought, you took his hand on your and kissed his knuckles. 

"What 's that for?"

You shook your head, still keeping his hand close to your face, sighing when he cupped your cheeks.

"Nothing, I'm just really proud of you. You did so well today"

Jeonghan laughed, his eyes going top your eyes then to your lips then back to your eyes again. 

"I didn't win" he felt the need to remind you.

You turned your face to the side and planted a kiss on the palm of his hand.  

"It was your first time back, you did fantastically"

"Thank you for being there," he said, voice suddenly serious "It really meant a lot to me"

You stood on your tip toes and gave him a peck on the lips. 

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.” 

Jeonghan wasn’t ready to let you go, not when he finally had you in his arms again, without anyone around. He pulled you closer to his body, his left hand at the base of your neck. He kissed your cheek, first the left one, then the right one, the tip of our nose until he finally reached your lips. 

At first, the kiss was sweet, tentative, kind even. The tip of his tongue touched your bottom lip. Suddenly it was like all hell had broken loose. It was him and you but everywhere. He ran his hand down your neck, to your back until he reached the hem of your shirt. Goosebumps erupted when you felt his skin over yours. 

His touch was so small, so insignificant, but it had such a great effect on you. You were out of breath partially from the kiss and partially from his touch. It was too little but also too much.

You pulled back from him and the look in his eyes was almost enough to bring you to your knees. You had never really seen the whole “his eyes darkened” thing but in that moment there was no better way to describe him. Jeonghan had a look in his eyes that you had never seen before, different from anything you had witnessed.

It took your breath away.

“I’m gonna” you pointed at the bathroom and quickly left him all alone in the room. 

You needed a moment, hell not even you knew why you needed a moment. Your heart felt like it was about to combust with how quickly it was beating. You just needed to gather yourself, and maybe calm down a little bit before you went back into the room. 

You twisted the faucet over the bathtub. A shower would have been faster, yes, but a little too fast. You didn’t wait for it to completely fill up to get in. You pulled your clothes off swiftly, leaving them on the floor beside the tub, before getting in.

Your mind was racing. Maybe a good way to describe it would be to say that there was a puppy with too much energy running from side to side in your head. 

Five minutes went by before you heard the door opening and Jeonghan walked him. To his merit, his eyes stayed on your face the entire time until he sat down by your side. 

“Is everything okay?” he asked, shin resting on the edge of the tub. 

That was such a good question because you had no idea if there was something wrong. There isn’t, a voice said inside your mind. There was no reason for you to have run off like that. 

“I’m not used to this,” you said as you reached for his hand, intertwining your fingers in his. His hand was so warm against your cold one “For a second it was too much”

“Did I…?” 

You started to shake your head before he could get another word out. 

“No, no, no” you sat down on the tub and moved as close to him as possible, spilling some water out in the process but Jeonghan didn’t seem to mind “I like you, really like you”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“In my world? Yes”

In your world, Jeonghan had managed to gather, all emotions made you want to run away. It was easier for you to deal with the bad, the sad, the hateful. The good part of it was hard because you had no real starting point for it. 

“Let me show you my world, then”

He didn’t really wait for your answer and he leaned over the edge and captured your lips in his. His touch was tender as he crawled your face, leaving a trail of kisses from your lips, down your neck, till your collarbone. He smiled against your skin when he hit a sensitive spot that made you go a little breathless as a small moan left your lips. 

Jeonghan ran the tip of his index finger across the valley of your breasts before cupping one of them in his hand. His thumb running over your hard nipples. Your moan was swallowed by his lips. 

Your entire body became hot under his touch. Melting, falling apart and he had barely even touched you at all. It was too much but not at all enough. 

Jeonghan kept exploring your body with his hand, running it down your stomach. Ever so slowly he moved his hand further down. 

A gasp left your lips when his finger found your clit, drawing small, slow, circles. You leaned forward, your forehead pressed on the crook of his neck. His skin was warm, hot even. You turned your head to the side slightly until your lips came in contact with the skin of his neck. You pressed small kisses on him, sucking his skin at the same time he applied more pressure against you. 

Jeonghan pulled back for a second, his focus solely on you, on your hooded eyes, the way your cheeks had turned a pretty shade of pink, how your lips were slightly parted, the way his name came out of your lips in the sweetest moan when his finger slipped over your folds, teasing your hole. 

He was so completely enamored by you, in ways he never thought to be possible. In his past relationships, he had always been careful. He didn’t want to get caught but also didn’t want to fall too much. His life only had one direction, one goal. When he was by your side he just wanted to slow down a little and enjoy every single second he could with you. 

Jeonghan wanted you to feel the same, this new sense of freedom that only came with these feelings, this desire to know every corner of someone’s soul. 

Your grip on Jeonghan’s arms thighed, your eyes watering as you let your head fall back. He pushed two fingers into you, slowly until he was knuckles deep. He sucked in a breath when your walls squeezed around his fingers, pulling him deeper as he curled his fingers and then slightly opened them. He rubbed the heel of his hand over your clit as he slowly pumped his fingers in and out.

He was hard inside his pants, the zipper of his jeans making minimal pressure, not anywhere close to what he needed but he was happy with what he got, with the day he saw you let all of your walls down around him. 

Jeonghan leaned forward a little, taking your lips into his, his tongue exploring your mouth as he moved his fingers faster, his thumb rubbing on your clit just as fast. 

“Jeonghan…” you cried his name, again and again as your breathing got shallow. 

You held his face in your hands, your thumb over his bottom lips, your eyes never leaving his as you became undone in front of him. Your legs quivering, your body arching until your chest was pressed against him, your loud moans filling the bathroom alongside the sounds of his fingers moving in and out of you at a relentless pace. 

“Don’t stop, please, don’t stop” you asked

He had no intention of doing so, not until your body stopped shaking until you rode the last of your orgasm.

It was the most beautiful sight in the world. The seven wonders? Nothing compared to you.

Breathing heavily you leaned over Jeonghan, small spasms still making your body shake. You had boyfriends before, fucked all of them, some of them weren’t even your boyfriend and it had never felt like that, earth-shattering, live altering. You kissed him tenderly. 

God, you  were in love with the man.

You never thought of what it would be like to wake up in someone’s arms. It was never something you thought about too often when you had a boyfriend and it wasn’t something you craved. Being on your own, was something you were used to, whether it was on life or in your bed. Waking up to Jeonghan was something entirely new experience and one that you could never say that you didn’t like. 

His body was turned to yours, and his hand possessively held your thigh. Most of his face was covered by his hair and this time around you didn’t shy away from pushing it away from his face.

“This is not creepy at all,” Jeonghan said, his eyes still closed. 

You were startled for a second, your body involuntarily moving away from him and then settling back into him. This time your fingers weren't feather-like. You allowed yourself to fully touch him, to enjoy the feeling of his skin against yours.

“I can leave, if you want” 

You slightly rose from the bed, but it was far enough for Jeonghan. He tugged at your waist and pulled back on the bed and got on top of you.

“You’re not going anywhere”

Jeonghan pressed his lips over yours and you felt your body melt under him. Was there ever a better place in the world to be? You weren’t too sure if there was, but if such place even existed you didn’t want to know. 

“Tell me a secret,” he asked.

It was almost noon and you were still in bed with Jeonghan. He had asked for room service a couple of hours before and after eating both of you got back in bed, cuddling like two teenagers in love. 

“I used to have a crush on Jihoon,” you said with a laugh. 

There was a moment of silence, Jeonghan's body growing stiff by your side. That wasn't your intention at all, you wanted to bring a laugh out of him, and not make him uncomfortable. 

“I don't think that's something you say while in bed with a guy, naked” 

You laughed giving him a quick peck on the lips.

“You said to tell you a secret, that’s the only one I have left to give you,” you said pushing a strand of hair away from his forehead, smiling at him “When I met him, I didn’t know that he was going to be my boss, in fact I thought that he was regular employee like me. A couple of weeks later I found that that not only he was my boss but that he also had a long-term girlfriend, who is now engaged to”

Instead of focusing only on the crush part, which was one Jeonghan had no real desire to know about, he turned all of his attention to the first part of what you said, that you had no other secret to tell. 

Though he thought of it as impossible, as everyone has secrets, he knew that you were somehow telling him the truth.

“And now?” 

He propped his chin on your shoulder, his eyes shining as he waited for an answer. 

You found that running your hand through his hair and playing with it was a new hobby and one that both of you seemed to enjoy. Jeonghan had fallen asleep twice while your hand was on his head.

“Now he's just a boss who's made me take a project I didn't want” you ran your finger over his nose and booped the tip “But now I’m really glad I did. Maybe the best decision forced on me in years?”

You couldn’t help but laugh when Jeonghan placed several loud kisses all over your face.

“Your turn” 

You lightly pushed him away, just enough to see his face again. 

“I’m constantly terrified,” he said after a few minutes in silence “I keep seeing myself falling on the ice, like it happened last night. When I close my eyes, that’s the only thing I see”

It was something hard to admit, even to himself. Failing was like a shadow that daily dark cloud following him wherever he went. His mind and dreams were filled with images of him doing the exact opposite of what he was supposed to do, of what he was expected to do. 

Though he had been practicing hard, to exhaustion even, and did his best to put a great face, telling everyone just how confident he was, the truth was that Jeonghan wasn’t confident at all in himself. The chances of him making it were very low and though he did manage to get a good score and placed high on the podium, he wasn’t sure it would be enough to get him to the Olympics, much less to win it. 

“I’m not a sports person, right?” Jeonghan nodded enthusiastically and pushed him, making him laugh “But I think sometimes falling is inevitable. You know something I believe in? You”

Jeonghan couldn’t help but smile at the words. He felt as if the hand squeezing his heart had let go of him. He felt light.

“If there’s someone in this world that can go through all of this, injuries, surgeries, rehab and still get to compete on the same level as before. Maybe even better. I believe in you. I hope you can too”

Months Later

Jeonghan hissed as he slowly pulled the sock off. The usually cream skin was turning an ugly dark shade of purple, his ankle already twice as big as was supposed to be. He wanted to scream out in frustration. 

Of course, he had to get hurt again, of course, it had to be on the day before he was set to compete. 

It was like whoever was writing the script of his life enjoyed putting him through pain. Jeonghan finally felt as if his life was falling into place. He was feeling healthy, he felt as if every time he got on the ice he was getting better, improving his performance every single time. And then there was you, who came into his life seemingly like a storm and turned his world upside down in ways he wasn’t aware he needed. 

He had never felt more at ease, comfortable, than when he was with you. It had been a very long time since there was any need to shoot at his place but he always found himself calling you, or going to you. On days when you had to work late, you’d still come over and crawl into his bed, attaching yourself to him as if it was where you were supposed to be all along. You’d place a kiss on his spine and drift off to sleep without a word. Then, if there was no early schedule or practice, the two of you would just take turns cooking and talking about everything and nothing at all.

When he was with you, Jeonghan knew he had found the balance he had always looked for. It wasn’t the loud and reckless kind of relationship like the one he had before. With you Jeonghan felt at peace, home in many different ways. He liked to think that you felt the same way about him too.

Maybe he was being too greedy in wanting the creer, the legacy, as well as the love life but there was no way he was willing to let either one go, even if it meant that his blood would be covering the ice at the end of his performance. 

“How are you” the door to his shared room was suddenly flung open and Joshua walked in “feeling…?”

His friend's voice got lower as his eyes moved from Jeonghan’s face to his ankle, then back to his face again. Joshua moved without saying a word. He opened the mini bar and pulled whichever can was colder. 

“Does Bumzu know about this?”

It was weird to hear his coach’s name and he wasn’t too sure why. He said the name countless times since he was a teenager, he even said it earlier that day, but you had never said it. You’d always refer to him as just coach, even while directly talking to him. You never said his name and the man didn’t seem to mind it either. 

Jeonghan looked back at his foot and then at his ankle. He had no idea how it had gotten that bad. He felt a little pain after the eighteen-hour flight so as soon as he settled down in his room he put some ice on it, which had seemingly done the trick. It looked fine. No purple bruise, no swelling. His ankle looked fine and felt fine, so he left to attend the open ceremony and then headed to practice for the next two days. He felt nothing. He was fine. 

Until he, clearly, wasn’t.

“Does she know?”

Joshua pulled his leg up on the bed and put his feet up on two pillows. Jeonghan hissed again when he felt the ice against his skin and let his body fall back on the mattress.

“No, and she can’t know” he covered his eyes with his arm, sighing “I’ll tell Bumzu tomorrow”

“Don’t you think this should go into the documentary?” Joshua asked as he rolled the can from his ankle to the arch of his foot rhythmically “Don’t you think your girlfriend should know about this?”

Jeonghan played with the word on his tongue for a second. Girlfriend. Neither of you had ever labeled the relationship, too focused on the moment, on enjoying what you had and charging forward together. A label didn’t seem all too important. It was the kind of relationship that was always evolving but somehow staying the same. 

“If she finds out, she’ll ask me to stop” he paused finally looking at his friend “And if she does, I will”

He couldn’t help but think about your face. The way you smiled while holding his hands in yours sitting on his couch, just a few minutes before the two of you had to leave for the airport. Your eyes shone as you told him how much you believed in him, that you knew he wanted to win but it would be okay if he didn’t.

It was the kind of speech he heard many many times before in his life and he always hated it. It always seemed shallow, just empty words thrown in the wind. But when it came from you, when those words left your lips they felt genuine, he knew it wasn’t something you just said because it was what you thought he wanted to hear.

“I’ll scream the loudest this time,” you said laughing as you ran your fingertips over his eyebrows and then tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. Jeonghan couldn’t help you lean into your touch. “I’ll be sitting away from Seungkwan and Vernon, so there really won’t be any way for me to ruin the footage”

The words I love you slipped out of Jeonghan’s mouth with ease, as they have always been there, like he was used to saying them. It was never been easy for him, even to his mother and sister. He loved them, of course he did. He showed it to them in all ways he could think of, but he never said. At least not as an adult.

Home, he had decided. Your eyes were his home. You were. 

Jeonghan was certain that he would remember that moment forever. The way you leaned forward, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. The way you whispered I love you too. How you broke into a smile when you chastely kissed him and added so much it’s insane.

“Maybe she would be right” Joshua’s voice pulled him back to reality “Maybe you should stop. What if this gets bad enough that you can’t even walk anymore? What if…”

Jeonghan sat back up again. 

“Do you remember when we were kids and I told you that I wanted a gold medal, an Olympic gold medal?” he suddenly asked.

Joshua closed his eyes and sighed. Obviously, he remembered it but he wished Jeonghan didn’t. Most of all, he wished Jeonghan wouldn’t use a promise he made almost twenty years before. 

“Shua” Jeonghan pressed, his tone almost desperate. He felt bad, of course, but it was the only thing he had to stop Joshua. His last weapon to use. 

“I promised I would help in any way possible since we all knew I wasn’t that great of a skater”

It was a stupid promise, made by stupid boys but even as adults they both stuck to it, like it was some sort of pact.

“The best way to help is to keep it a secret for the next 3 days”

The thing about competitions is that they are exhausting but not just for the people actively competing but for those working on the sidelines as well. you had been following Jeonghan for months now, to all sorts of competitions, rehab, and just his life in general. 

In almost all of them he managed to make it to the podium and each time he looked brighter, and happier with his performance and the outcome. Though everything seemed to be going just fine, there was this itch in the back of your mind, telling you that there was something wrong with him. 

Jeonghan seemed to be taking good care of his body and he was periodically going to the doctor. You weren’t too sure if that was a good thing. On one hand, it was good because it meant that he was in constant care for a serious injury. But it could also mean that he was in pain and that itch on your brain was right. 

Whatever it was, Jeonghan wasn’t willing to share. He kept saying that he was fine and you were trying to believe him, you really were. But there was something in his eyes, in the way his body moved a little more stiff than usual. He had not looked at your direction once - which was something unusual.

The rational part of your brain said that it was just stress, crazy high amounts of it tugging at all of his nerves and muscles. It was his last chance so it was natural. He was an athlete focused on the competition ahead, of course, he would be a little different from what you were used to seeing. 

However, the irrational and insecure part of your brain told you that regretted saying that he loved you and didn’t know how to take it back. That didn’t make any sense at all. Jeonghan wasn’t the kind of person who just said things to please the people around him. He would rather keep quiet than say something he didn’t mean. You knew that. You knew him. If he said it, then he meant it. 

So why was he…

“Is he hurt again?” a familiar voice asked to your right. 

You had completely forgotten that Jihoon would attend as part of the documentary crew. He had mentioned it the last time you spoke on the phone a couple of weeks before, he also sent an e-mail the day before you left but it had completely escaped your mind.

You blinked at him, your brain not fully registering what he said. 

“What?” you asked.

Jihoon raised his eyebrows at you. He pointed at the rink where Jeonghan and the other skaters were warming up. His warm-up was different from what he usually did. He was just moving around, barely using his left foot. 

“He’s not using his foot a whole lot” Jihoon pointed out. 

He kept talking but his voice became just a distant sound as you pulled your phone out of your pocket, frantically searching for Joshua’s number. He was by the rink talking, in what you assume to be a hushed voice, with Bumzu. 

You bit your lips while the phone rang. Despair spread through your chest when Joshua pulled his phone out of his pocket and showed it to the coach. Both men visibly sighed. 

Tears started to well up in your eyes the moment Joshua’s tired voice greeted you.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Tell me what’s wrong with him, please” you begged.

Joshua pinched the bridge of his nose and turned around, making sure that you couldn’t see his expression. A terrible sign.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, everything is going according to plan”

“I may still be confused about some rules but my eyes work just fine, Joshua. Something is wrong, even Jihoon can see it”

You watched as he shook his head. 

“He’s just hiding his game. We prepare a new program, entirely different, he doesn’t want to show any of it or overwork himself during the warm-up”.

Alarms went off in your head and a whinny sound left your lips. You were well aware of the three pairs of eyes on you, judging the very uncharastically way, so unlike yourself, you were behaving but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

“Listen“ Joshua’s tone was stern, irritated. Not once had he sounded like that “This is a competition, the biggest one could ever take part in, as well as his last one ever. Yes, things are different this time around. I need you to understand that and not add any pressure or stress on him. Can you do that?”

He didn’t really give you a chance to reply.

“He’s here as an elite athlete and you’re here as the documentarist in charge of capturing every second of it. I highly suggest you start acting accordingly”

The line went mute. The pressure on your head, on your heart, was so big you let your body fall on the seat again. Joshua had never been quite as harsh on you, or at all. He had always been soft spoken, and polite. You doubted that even under the obvious stress of the moment he would act like that. Something was definitely wrong but he wasn’t willing to share, which meant that Jeonghan’s condition was bad. It also meant that he didn’t want you to know what was wrong, the extension of the problem.

Seungkwan was suddenly by your side, his hand on your shoulder. You pushed the single tear that rolled down away and stood up again. 

“Is everything okay?”

You just nodded and took the camera he had in his hands, adjusting the settings as an excuse to stay quiet long enough to be able to regain your ability to speak once more. You pushed the camera into Jihoon’s hand with a little more force than necessary, not really caring that he was your boss. His only reaction was to furrow his eyebrows at you one more time. 

“Make yourself useful, will you” it didn’t matter if he was there to just watch or not “Do not lose coach out of sight”

You turned your body to Seungkwan and Vernon.

“Seungkwan, you're with Joshua. Vernon and I will focus on Jeonghan” you pointed at the seats you were supposed to take, indicating that Jeonghan would have two different angles on him, Vernon simply nodded “Jeonghan’s condition is less than ideal so we need all of their reactions. Don’t miss anything, every blink is important”

Seungkwan called your name, his fingers gripping the sleeve of your shirt around your wrist. The concern was evident in his eyes. He wanted to ask, but wasn't sure if he should and you weren’t sure you could speak without breaking into tears. Whether his concern was for you or Jeonghan, you didn’t know. Perhaps a mix of both. 

“It’s our job, we should act accordingly”

Jeonghan finally let his body fall on the bed. It had been a long day and he had never felt more exhausted before in his life. But more than that, he was in pain. 

His first program had drained him. 

Every time he moved his foot it was as if a needle was being forced into his bones. Truth be told, Jeonghan wasn't even sure how he was still standing, how he still managed to walk straight without curving his body in pain. Skating was still a wonder in itself. The idea that both his mother and sister were watching from home maybe was something that helped push him forward. Maybe knowing that you were somewhere in the crowd also helped. 

He didn't dare to look for you, didn't dare to look in your direction but he could swear that he had heard you cheer every time he landed, every time he executed a new movement. Having you there and hearing your voice, even if it was a daydream of his crazy mind, had been enough to push him to the end of the program. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and reread your text for the hundredth time. He just stared at his phone for the better part of the day, like the small device held all the answers in the world. All it did though, was call you and that was something that he didn't allow himself to do. It was what he wanted the most, to hear your assuring voice, but he shouldn't. He couldn't. He was satisfied just looking at the black screen when suddenly it lit up with a notification and your name attached to it. 

"I will always be rooting for you! No matter what happens you'll always be number one" a second later another text followed "I love you"

Your message was sweet and loving. Jeonghan knew what it meant though. You didn't say anything, but it was clear that you knew something was wrong. Joshua had assured him that he didn't say anything to you but you weren't dumb.

He felt bad for keeping it a secret from you, for pushing you away, but in his mind, it was his only option. It turned out for the best that his coach and the federation didn't allow you and your team to follow him. Watching from the bleachers was all you could do. 

Even if their decision somehow benefited him, Jeonghan hated it. He hated the idea of everything that was going wrong. He hated that he was in pain, and once again, hated that the one person he wanted to comfort him was the one he was pushing away. In a way, he felt as if he was drowning and there was no one to even see that there was something off with him. 

Jeonghan heard the door opening but he didn't turn around in bed to see who it was, certain that it was only Joshua or maybe Bumzu coming in to check on him. He just turned further into his pillow, wishing for the day to be over soon. He couldn’t even think about his performance, which hadn’t been bad, to be honest. 

“So you get injured again and you decide that I shouldn’t know. That’s not very nice, Jeonghan”

He felt his heart in his mouth and he jumped on the bed, suddenly sitting on the middle of the mattress, grimacing when he felt a sharp pain up his leg.

“I wonder who you wanted to keep it a secret from, the team in charge of the documentary or me”

There you were, leaning on the door with your arms crossed over your chest, frowning at him. He could cry while looking at you and perhaps the tears were inevitable because his eyes were already burning.

“How are you here?” he managed to ask.

You gave him a sheepish smile and showed him the badge on your neck. A picture of Joshua greeted him while you took a step close to him and Sar by his side on the bed.

“I stole Joshua's badge and wore it flipped around, no one really bothered to check if it was really me”

You took Jeonghan's right hand into yours, intertwining your fingers with his. It was almost a natural movement at this point and you weren’t surprised when he leaned forward and rested his forehead on your shoulder.

Throughout the entire day you had thought about what you would do, how you'd approach him. There was no right way to do it. You had two options: scream at him and tell him to just stop, that it wasn't worth it, or you could just be there for him, offer him your support in any way you could. And while the idea of screaming was great, you knew that it wasn't going to do any good. In fact, it would probably only worsen the situation that was already bad.

“I don't know what to do,” he said, slightly turning his head towards your neck and taking a deep breath, allowing himself to be completely lost in your scent.

“How bad is it?” 

If Jeonghan wasn't willing to share it with you, decided that keeping it a secret was his only option it was probably bad but as moved away from you and pulled his pants up you enough to show the purple bruise on his ankle you realized that it was far worse than you could have imagined.

“Oh my God” you covered your mouth to stop yourself from saying anything else. 

You thought back at his program, how he executed all of it flawlessly, how he was in second place — only 0.2 behind the first place — how he had a real chance at winning despite all odds.

“It looks worse than it feels, but it doesn't feel good either”

You pushed his hair back, away from his face. His eyes were filled with unwashed tears, so desperate. Seeing him like that was like having someone squeeze your heart with all of their strength, as if trying to turn it into ashes.

“I'm so close to it and I can see it, it's right there. If I just…” he balled his hands into fists as tears finally ran down his face “I just need to do well, do what I've been practicing and I know I'll get it. But this…”

He punched his thigh, eyes closed.

You took his face into your hands, delicately making him look at you. You had no idea that your heart could break just by looking at someone, had no idea that you would feel that way for someone else in your life. It was a crazy thought, a realization that there was someone else in the world that could make you feel like that. 

When you told Jeonghan that you loved him it wasn't a lie. You didn't just threw those words around. Your heart was his and it was shattering for him.

You knew what it meant to him, all of it. Jeonghan might have made it seem as if he was just there to win and call it a day but you knew that it ran deeper than that. It was his last everything when it came down to it. His last competition, yes, but it was also his last everything. The last time he could say figure skater Yoon Jeonghan, after that he would just be retired. He hated the media a little too much to try and be one of those sports celebrities. 

“If they tape you up, give you enough painkillers, do you think you could do it?” your words were shaky as you spoke “Do you think it's possible?”

Jeonghan couldn't really believe his ears, in what you were saying to him. He was certain that you would tell him to stop, that it was okay, that he didn't have to go all the way to the end. It was a good run, you don't have to prove yourself to anyone, he could almost hear your voice in his mind. 

But right there, in front of him, you stood doing the exact opposite of what he expected.

“I thought you'd tell me to stop”

You kissed his face, close to his eyes, where his tears had stained his cheeks. The first one was quick, the second lingering a little bit more.

“I probably should, but it's not what you need” you kissed his forehead, nose, and lips “You're a force to be reckoned with, Jeonghan. If there's someone in the world that can compete in these conditions it's you”

Your heart was oddly at peace with everything. Sneaking into Jeonghan's room had been reckless but necessary, for both of you.

It was scary to imagine him getting injured again. You knew how hard he worked to be able to even get on the ice at all. You knew what it meant to him, so telling him that it was okay to just try felt natural and in some ways the only right option. 

Leaving his room had been hard. All you wanted to do was stay there with him, comforting him, in silence. You just wanted to be by his side but you knew that wasn't possible so you left after kissing him.

Maybe telling him to push through was a bad call, maybe telling him to quit was what was best for him but you tried to put yourself in his shoes. Had it been you, with your last chance ever, would you stop or would just just say fuck it and go down trying?

The answer was easy: you'd do the exact same.

“So…” Seungkwan asked as the four of you walked into the gymnasium “Is he okay?”

Seungkwan was a good friend and someone who worried about Jeonghan. He had been the first one to warm up to him and talk with him. Jeonghan liked him too, calling him Seungkwannie and even inviting him for dinner on occasion. 

“Not really,” you said as you finally found your seats “But he's going to compete anyway”

“Can he even do that?” Jihoon asked, “Should he do that?”

Your shoulders rose as you sighed.

“He's doing what he thinks is the best option for him”

The conversation ended just like that. There was nothing left to say. All any of you could do was sit and wait.

Jeonghan skated into the rink. His face was serious, no emotion on display. It was a mask of a man who was focused on what he had to do. He eyes the center of the rink, unblinking. 

His costume of choice was very simple, just a plain black blouse with silver and blue details on the sleeves and around his neck. His hair was tied back and away from his face. 

Looking at him one wouldn’t be able to say that he was in pain, that his ankle was twice its normal size, so close to just giving up. No one could tell that he was shaking. It was imperceptible to those on the bleachers that his heart was beating so fast, so loudly, that he could feel it in his ears. 

He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Once. Twice. Again. He thought of you, with your hands clasped together in a silent prayer, he thought of his mother and sister watching him from home. He thought about himself two and a half years before, how hard he had worked to get to that rink one last time. He thought back to his ten years old self, when he first dreamt of the Olympics.

Winning was his only option. 

Jeonghan opened his eyes as a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. 

The entire gymnasium erupted in loud cheers while Jeonghan thanked the audience, one side, then another. He bows his head a few times, catching one of the bunny dolls thrown at the rink in mid air. His smile is beautiful and large. He became pure happiness and you know that it couldn’t be any different.

Jeonghan managed to deliver his performance in complete perfection, no obvious mistakes were made. You were certain the judges would find something to deduce points but there was no way that he wouldn’t place first.

He waved at the crowd and somehow the cheering got even louder. It’s not his home country but it felt as if everyone in there was applauding him more than all of the athletes before him. And maybe that was really the case.

Jeonghan’s injury had been disclosed to the public right before the beginning of the competition and people love the idea of someone who can overcome whatever it is that stops them, an injury, a disease.

Jeonghan whirled around one more time, hand in the air waving, when face his contorted, his beautiful smile gone and he fell to his knees.

One second.

Two seconds.

Five seconds.

He didn’t move an inch, he didn’t get put but he also didn’t do much else. It was when you started to worry that there was something wrong. Even from that far back, you saw his arms shake, his eyes shut close, and his hand balled into fists. It became painfully obvious that there was something wrong.

The cheering and applause didn’t stop or got quieter. If anything, the volume only got louder. The crowd seemed to think that he was still thanking them, that he was overwhelmed with emotions, that he was exhausted after such a perfect performance.

He did the unthinkable, he managed to finish his performance flawlessly, lading jump, after jump, after jump. And he did, on the last performance of his career, at his last Olympics.

Jeonghan hadn’t announced it yet, but that was his last everything. After that day, he would leave behind his days in figure skating and would try to search for something else to do with his life. It was the last of him, ever, and he ended it on such a high note.

After more than a year of following him, talking to him, and understanding who Jeonghan was and what his stage persona was, you knew that it was not the emotions he was feeling. Although the man could be very humble at times, he wasn’t to that extent. He wouldn’t be on his knees for a full minute.

That’s when you saw coach run to the ice, two paramedics right behind him.

You rush down the bleachers, trying to see what’s happening on the ice while trying not to fall face first. The coach talked with Jeonghan, and whatever the older man said got a reply and Jeonghan shook his head. You didn’t know what he’s saying.

I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong. I’m not in pain. I’m just tired.

Those are the words you wished he said, on just a collection of them

Vernon took the camera and did a run down of the crowd before turning it to Jeonghan, still on his knees. You didn’t know what to do. The two of them were right behind you, Vernon and Seungkwan, their footsteps way too loud for you to notice that the crowd had finally stopped cheering, finally noticing that the situation wasn’t as good as they first expected it to be.

Your eyes never really left Jeonghan. The only thought going through your mind at that moment was to get to him as fast as possible, to hold his hand. That simple action wouldn’t mean much, you knew that, and you would do it more for yourself than for him. But you liked to think that in such a moment, he would want you by his side.

The paramedics raised Jeonghan, his arms around their shoulders while they carried him out of the ring. One of his feet slides with ease, while he holds the other one up in a weird position, slightly tilted back.

That’s when you knew. The issue on his ankle. He took it too far with the performance and practices, landing on it time and time again.

You stopped in your tracks and turned around. You pressed your hand on the lens of Vernon’s camera pushing it until he finally lowered it.

“Stop filming, right now” it wasn’t a request, your voice wasn’t kind. It was an order, one you needed him to follow “From now on, nothing gets filmed”

Vernon looked confused, his eyes darting to Seungkwan, as if asking for help in a way.

“But it’s our job,” he said.

You shook your head.

“Our job, what we needed to film, ended the second he landed that jump. Now it’s not the time to record him”

Seungkwan understands what you’re saying, he too pressed a hand on Vernon’s camera, pushing it even further down, shaking his head and his friends looked at him worried.

You turned away from them, eyes immediately falling on Jeonghan.

For a moment you thought that they wouldn't let you through. Security had no idea of who you were. So why would they let a strange woman be anywhere near the athlete? But they did let you through. You didn’t know how, you didn't know why, but you also didn’t dare to question.

They just moved out of the way, making a path for you. You followed the coach back to the locker rooms, ignoring the fact that you shouldn’t be there, not in the male one anyway.

You finally reached Jeonghan. His face was pale, paler than usual, his lips were turning purple.

“Jeonghan” his name leaves your lips in a breath.

He reached a hand for you once the paramedics laid him down on a stretcher.

“Baby,” he said, voice barely above a whisper “I did it. Did you see it?”

You pushed his hair away from his forehead, surprised with his cold sweat.

“You did it, you were fantastic”

He smiled at you, his eyes not really focusing on you or on anything else.

“I think I broke something,” he said, voice low “I don’t know, it just hurts. A lot”

You looked at his coach, the man didn’t know either, but his eyes were focused on Jeonghan's ankle. Your eyes move to the paramedic, who as carefully as possible trying to remove his skates.

The doctor that accompanied Jeonghan since the surgery finally approached him. The man too looked as white as a candle.

Jeonghan had finally taken it too far. 

“You cut your hair, '' you said, as you tucked your legs under your thighs, sitting comfortably on the fluff carpet in Jeonghan’s living room. 

Seungkwan stood behind you and by his side was Vernon. It was the place where it all started, so it seemed fitting that it also ended there. 

Jeonghan nodded, running his hand through the loose strands. You drummed your fingers over your thighs, thinking about how just a couple of hours before you were playing with his hair while he had his head on your belly because your stomach is being noisy and I want to sleep when you told him he could move, he just hugged your waist tighter rubbing his face on your skin nope.

“I thought it would be a good change” he pouted a little, unconsciously “I still need to get used to it.”

Why did you think it would be a good change?”

He narrowed his eyes for a second. He had that conversation with you before. For a moment he forgot that the version of you he talked with was his girlfriend, not the documentarist sitting in front of him. 

“I started to grow my hair after the whole incident with the press” he made a dismissive gesture with his hand “I think I sort of wanted to hide from them and the hair helped a lot. In a way, I think a new haircut symbolizes a new start? You know, now that I’m no longer an athlete”

You nodded, smiling at him. It always took his breath away, your smile. He loved the way you had been constantly smiling around him, the frown that seemed to have a permanent stay between your eyebrows when you first met was nowhere in sight.

“How does it feel, being retired?”

“If you asked me that four years ago, I’d say that it sounded like my words nightmare. But now after so many injuries and surgeries, it felt like the timing was right. If you think about it, the way it ended for me was pretty epic”

Jeonghan matched your smile as the memories started to flood his mind. The way he almost blacked out due to the pain in his ankle, the way the crowd screamed so loudly and he refused to believe that it was because of him, at least not until Bumzu came back to his side, his eyes red with unshed tears.

“You fucking idiot of a human, you did it”

You had kissed his temple multiple times, telling him how brave he was, how strong he was. "Most people would have walked away before even getting on the rink” you had said later that night after all of you had finally gotten back from the hospital. Jeonghan was prohibited from using his foot and needed to have surgery once again after the worst part of the swelling subsided. 

He remembers refusing to be taken away to get his ankle checked until he saw with his own eyes that he had won. He was carried out by Bumzu and Joshua despite the doctor’s cries that he should be taken to the hospital. You followed the three of them close behind. 

Jeonghan smiled at the screen hanging from the roof. His name stood at the top of the list, in big letters, the number one attached to it. 

As he stood on the podium, gold medal around his neck, Jeonghan saw you clamming and screaming, a huge smile on your face as tears ran down your cheeks. He had finally gotten his wish, to see you being as eloquent as possible, cheering for him. 

“Most people would agree with you”

“I feel bad about making my family worry though. But they understand, I think”

His sister has screamed at him over the phone, angry that he asked them not to go watch him — mostly because he was scared to have them there while he failed — that he never told them about his injuries. But also happy for him. Truthfully he didn’t understand some of what she said, talking while crying was not her forte. 

You looked back at Seungkwan over your shoulder and both of you nodded. Jeonghan watched as you closed the small notebook in your hands and put it aside. 

“This is the last question of this documentary, so make your answer a good one, okay?” you said teasingly “Now that you can’t skate again, what are your plans for the future?”

Saying that Jeonghan wouldn’t be able to skate again was maybe a little exaggeration. Sure, there was no way he’d ever be able to compete again — nor did he wanted to —, but maybe after he was all healed he could do it again just for fun. That wasn’t something he was going to say directly at you. You had gotten worried after his new injury that even conversations about past competitions made you shiver, it had gotten so bad that you had nightmares about him getting hurt again and in those his end was never quite as good or epic as the one he actually got. So Jeonghan thought that it was for the best to not talk about it, at least for the time being while he still hadn’t been cleared by his doctor.

“With my career?” he bit his lip, truly thinking about it “For now, nothing. I’ve been competing for almost twenty years, in the rink for about 22 years, I think I deserve to stop and just not do anything for a while. In my personal life, I want to spend some time with my family, which is something that I always skipped because practice was just more important. I haven’t spent a birthday with them in years”

He tilted his head to the side, his eyes on you. 

“I have a girlfriend, right. And she had this little notebook, I think she might be a little obsessed with notebooks and pens, and everything stationary related” he whispered the last part making you roll your eyes “She writes in those places she wants to go to. So, if I can convince her to take a few vacation days, I want to take her to those places”

“You suck,” you said.

“You didn’t seem to…”

Seungkwan took a step forward and blocked the view of the camera, his eyes wide.

“Okay, that’s a wrap everyone! Thank you!”

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[benedictscanvas]

If you’re still taking requests, I have an idea that’s been PLAGUING me in the best way possible: Jamie meets reader and she doesn’t know him at first and then maybe a few dates later she’s like “omg you were on that shitty reality show” like she does not pay attention to football at all idk I just thought it would be cute 🩵🩵 I absolutely adore your writing 😊

i love it when an idea is plaguing. thank you for being so lovely in your request, i appreciate it and you so very much <3 ALSO i ended up playing dnd unexpectedly yesterday, so another drabble tonight and then a new chapter of be still, my foolish heart tomorrow!! | 1.4k words, tw language

You're sat in the Crown and Anchor for what will now be your sixth date. Jamie swears that it's your seventh, and that your first date was actually when the two of you stood on the doorstep of your house for three hours before you finally realised how long you'd been chatting.

You'd been assembling a swing in the garden out front of your house and Jamie happened to be walking by. He stopped to ask if you needed any help and that was it. It was eleven o'clock when he finally went on his way with your number written on a piece of paper that he clutched in his fist.

But it couldn't be a date, you'd say, because he hadn't kissed you when he left. Realistically, you just enjoyed the scrunched up face he made when you playfully argued with him about it, but he didn't need to know that yet.

You were meeting his friends for the first time. It felt early, but Jamie insisted how fun they were and that after you'd met them, the two of you would be able to hang out way more because you could come and visit him at work. You weren't sure why you'd have to meet them here first, but he said it would all make sense.

Nothing about this made sense, because you were currently the only ones in the pub, stuffed into a corner booth. Jamie's thigh brushed yours as he jiggled it, seemingly as full of nervous energy as you.

"Why is no one else here, Jamie?" you whispered, lest the woman behind the bar who looked not to be messed with heard you, "Is something going on?"

"Oh, I jus' booked it out," he says nonchalantly. You gape at him. It had always been clear he had some money, but never this much. Your first thought was the fact that he'd only ever been to your house, never you to his. Granted, it had only been three times so far anyway, but still.

"Are you like...rich-rich?" you ask tentatively, then carry on talking before he can answer, "That sounds terrible, oh god, you don't have to answer that. I don't care either way, you know, I just like-"

"Y/N, babe," he interrupts you, squeezing you into his side, "I know what y' getting at. I'm pretty loaded, I'm not gonna lie, but I didn't want y' to know until I was sure about ya."

Jamie was sure about you? That was news to you. You were a little nervous about how early it was to be sure, but it wasn't as if you weren't sold on him too. You were practically besotted with the man really, even if you were hesitant to tell him.

As if he could read the surprise on your face, he opened his mouth to speak again but was interrupted-

"Hey! We're not late, are we?"

There were a few men congregating at the doorway, and the woman at the bar waved them in, greeting them like they were old friends. There were far more people than you'd expected, around ten men and two women crowding into the pub. There was no way all of you would fit around this corner booth.

You crammed any anxiety to the bottom of your stomach and stood up to greet everyone.

"Hi! I'm Y/N, it's so lovely to meet all of you!"

"What the fuck guys?"

Jamie's interjection cut your introductions short, just as you were about to hug the man closest to you who was beaming until Jamie spoke up and ruined his mood.

"I invited Isaac, Colin and Keeley. What are you all doing here?"

They had the decency to look a little sheepish. So that was why Jamie hadn't warned you that there would be 12 of them.

"We all wanted to come and meet the girl you've been droning on about for weeks, bruv," one man chimed in, "We tried drawing straws but it just turned into a huge fucking argument. So here we are. Trust me, mate, like 30 of us wanted to come, so count yourself lucky."

"I didn't fuckin' invite 30 of ya!" he exclaimed, winding a protective hand around your waist. Rather than being intimidated, you now felt incredibly touched that Jamie had been talking about you enough that his friends wanted to meet you so badly, "Did you lot even think about how overwhelming y' might be? Fuckin' idiots."

"Oi! We're on our best fucking behaviour, Tartt. Stop moping and introduce us, you prick."

Okay, so that was definitely Roy. You'd heard at least a little bit about him, that he was sort of a friend/mentor of Jamie's but quite...harsh. That definitely wasn't the word Jamie had used, but it worked.

"Okay! Fuckin' hell, right then..."

And he went around the group. They all pulled chair up to the few tables surrounding yours but didn't crowd you too much. There was Isaac, the one who'd explained things when they came in, Colin and Keeley, of course, who you fell in love with instantly. One group who sat slightly separately were Rebecca, Roy, Ted and Beard who all seemed significantly older than Jamie to be his mates, but you didn't want to question it when everyone was being so nice.

"So, we haven't seen you, so that must mean you've been watching this one on the telly, right?"

Rebecca gestures to Jamie with a warm smile, but when you turn to him, confused, he looks like a deer in the headlights.

"On the telly? In what?"

Rebecca looks suitably shocked now, staring from Jamie to you and back to Jamie.

"She doesn't...?"

Jamie hangs his head and you're left even more confused. You're left staring at the side of his face until it hits you: you'd never connected the dots before but now Rebecca had mentioned TV and you were looking right at him...

"Oh my god!" you exclaim suddenly, making everyone around the table jump, even though the younger lads weren't paying any attention, "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

He looks thoroughly guilty.

"Look, Y/N, I jus' wanted to get to know y' without-"

You weren't finished though, still babbling away to yourself as you stared at him, imagining him as he was when you'd seen him through the screen.

"I mean, it wouldn't have changed anything! Not once you'd helped me, but I suppose if I'd realised maybe I would have been more wary of you. You were terrible on that show! All my friends hated you, and I guess I did too, although I still had a bit of a crush, I can't lie-"

You trailed off when you saw the expressions on everyone's faces. The silence was only broken when Roy burst into loud laughter, throwing his head back in a way you guessed was rare for him.

"You know me...from reality TV?" Jamie said, enunciating every syllable and looking at you in terror. You smiled at him easily, reaching up to push a stray hair back from his face.

"Can't believe I didn't realise it, but yeah. Changes nothing for me, you know. It was a couple years ago right? No more dating shows on the horizon for you?"

If you'd realised this immediately, yes you would have been more on your guard. But you didn't, he was clearly very ashamed of his time on there and you were already falling for him and how fucking nice he was to you. Like every move he made was deliberate. It actually made a lot of sense now, if he had a past to make up for.

It took him a few moments of processing, but he was able to pull you into a side and plant a long, lingering kiss on your forehead eventually.

"No more dating shows," he said, full of relief, "Also, I'm a Premier League footballer, since you've taken that one so well."

Your eyes nearly bug out of your head.

"You're a what?!"

Roy's laugh echoes long into your night, as do the laughs of the rest of Jamie's friends, or teammates as you quickly come to know them. Jamie's more relaxed than he's ever been with you and yeah, you can get why he was sure about this now.

[blindbeta]

I've noticed that you are interested in stories with multiple blind characters and often propose adding more blind characters to a story as a solution. I really struggle with this because it's not as simple as that -- stories don't have infinite narrative space. The idea that every story has a large cast is influenced by the prevalence of long serialized media in fandom: webcomics, TV shows, etc. But many writers (myself included) write a lot of novellas and short stories which often only have a few characters -- maybe even only 1 or 2! Even novels don't usually have huge expansive casts -- maybe 5 main characters with some additional side characters.

Considering this, I don't understand how it's realistic for every story (or even, say, 50% of stories) to have multiple blind characters (without it feeling forced). This is compounded by the fact that most blogs that talk about other forms of representation say the same! So if I write a 2-character short story and the protagonist is a blind Latino man, does the second character also have to be a blind Latino man? It just doesn't make sense! This is just a general problem I've noticed in discussions around representation -- there's an assumption that every cast will have 10+ characters and narrative space to develop those characters, even though that's not realistic for most narrative forms.

Do you have any thoughts on this?

Writing Multiple Blind Characters in Short Stories

Hi Anon! Surprise. I write short stories as well. I have experience with this. I have never felt like my blind characters were forced or unrealistic, even with having several of them in the same story. I’ll try to explain what might help you.

First, the idea that multiple blind characters is forced or unrealistic comes from ableism. Think about why you feel there is a limit on disabled characters. If you can create stories, I would hope you are creative enough to consider the possibility that multiple blind characters could exist in the same place and time. Challenging this barrier opens up more possibilities, allowing you to explore different types of blindness, different reactions to it, different upbringings, and multiple ways of living, adapting, and navigating being blind.

Second, blind characters need access to their own community. This is where they learn how to be blind. This where they get support. This is where they might find understanding and belonging. You can find more information about community here in an excellent reblog. Also, here.

As you mentioned, I often suggest adding more blind characters when writers insist upon using stereotyped portrayals. Having multiple characters with different experiences helps to make your story more realistic and nuanced, contrary to what people might implicitly believe. Having more than one blind character is something I highly recommend because it helps with not having all your representation rest on the shoulders of one character.

For example, if you are worried a main character who has cloudy eyes might reinforce the idea that all blind people have cloudy eyes, having another blind character with a different experience may help. If one of your blind characters is naive and innocent, you might have another blind character who is brash, displays a lack of trust in others, and has a lot of shocking stories. Maybe they’re in a rock band together. They met while playing blind football (aka soccer) on a middle school team. They bonded over their pet cats and sour patch kids.

Or something.

Another important thing to remember when writing is that you have control over the story. Too many writers come to me feeling stuck because they feel they cannot change their story while also wanting to incorporate my suggestions. This makes it challenging to address implicit bias or stereotypes, much less guide writers in going in different directions.

Additionally, I feel uncomfortable with the complaints about other blogs in this ask. I feel like this isn’t really about me, nor is it something I can comment on. I will say that it sounds as if a bunch of blogs dedicated to helping people write marginalized characters are mentioning some of the same things. They are probably doing so for a reason.

However, while it helps, writing multiple blind characters won’t improve every story, which I explained in my review of the book Blind. I was not impressed with this book. I did not feel that the four blind characters were very good, nor did having them help with offsetting the portrayal of blindness as a miserable experience.

Conversely, one of my favorite blind characters is Toph Beifong from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Despite being the only blind character in the show, the writers did a good job with her. Would I have liked her to meet more of her community as she travels with the Gang? Absolutely. Even though I like her, she still never had access to her community after being isolated by her parents for so long.

So, no, you don’t need to have multiple blind characters if the suggestion bothers you this much. I even provided good examples of what to do, what not to do, and times where my typical advice was not as helpful for the resulting story.

However, please consider where these feelings stem from. Consider the origins of the idea that having multiple blind characters is unrealistic. Using the example you provided in your question, I wonder, would you say the same if both your characters were white and abled? Is there any way you can challenge the fear of seeming unrealistic? What about being considered unrealistic bothers you so much?

You don’t necessarily need to have characters in the story for them to exist. Even background characters can help. I will try to give some ideas for this:

Does your blind character have family they can talk about or remember? Are any of their family members blind?

Do they have any friends? Just because the friends aren’t in the story doesn’t mean they don’t exist at all.

Does the blind character have any formative memories or flashbacks?

Does the character who isn’t blind know any blind folks?

Your characters should have lives outside of the story. They should have memories and experiences that made them who they are. This is where you can have other blind characters. Perhaps this is how your blind character can have a community.

However, I would still like to see more blind characters interacting with each other. This is what I want as a blind person. If you don’t want to go that direction, that’s fine.

I hope this helps.

[butchsophiewalten]

Twitter Space Recap July 28th 2024

Last Sunday Martin, Eva, Kyle did a Twitter Space, with intermittent appearances from Coral! Here are some of the Q&A answers and other interesting things they talked about:

-Someone asks if TWF5 is going to be longer or shorter than TWF4, and Martin says that he currently predicts it to be "a bit longer".

-Somebody asks how Laura Peony (Rosemary's sister) looks. He says that she looks similar to Rose, probably, but that he honestly doesn't have much of a design in mind for her. Something fun to me is that he calls her "Sophie's aunt", rather than calling her Rosemary's sister, which is interesting when remembering one of Martin's previous statements that Rosemary doesn't have a very good relationship with her family.

-Someone asks about something Martin said in a Q&A a while ago, about Jenny going through many redesigns before her current and final design, and if we could see any of them. Eva ends up sharing one of Martin's old drawings of one of these designs, even though Martin says that he really hates it.

He mentions that she looks "too normal" and that she "looks like she's straight."

-Someone asks, "Who or what was the thing behind Bon and Sha in the TV in TWF2?" and Martin answers that it's Susan. (slowed gif relevant)

-Someone asks about how the Relocate Project trio all met each other, and Martin explains how in his original vision for the characters, they were this really close and inseparable group of long-time friends, but that he's recently kinda revised that idea, thinking it'd be more realistic if they were just work friends, who met each other through their jobs and all had full, separate lives and maybe weren't so inseparably close.

-Someone asks how old Kevin is in TWF2, and Martin explains that the relocate trio's ages are something that he's kinda retconned. He brings up an old image of Ashley that gets passed around by the fanbase sometimes which says she'd be 19 years old in 1978, saying that in his mind now, she'd be 22 at the time. He says "-and there's a reason for this, there's a reason for this. There are things about, uh, Ashley, and some things about the rest of the episode 2 crew that we haven't seen yet."

-Martin and Eva joke back and forth about an idea they both like, which is that Bon can create or mimic noises with his animatronic voice box, and that he likes to do stuff like bark and people in K-9, just to freak them out. Martin says, "Wait, did you know that this actually happens, in one of the episodes? In episode 2, Bon fucking plays rabbit noises, to mess with Ashley. When the lights go out, Bon-- he's imitating a rabbit."

-Martin says, "Somebody asked if the baby doll we see in Souvenir and TWF4 will have meaning in the future. Ah, yes it will."

-Someone asks, "Are we gonna get wholesome Rosemary content in the upcoming episodes?" and Martin and the rest of the crew shoot the shit for awhile, alluding ironically to the torment (emotional and otherwise) she will almost certainly be met with in the upcoming episode.

-Martin mentions that he's working on something related to TWF7, and says, "I genuinely think that episode 7 is going to be the most hated episode of The Walten Files ever. I've talked about this with Eva before." Martin and Eva refer to it sneakily as the "yuri" episode, and we know from previous Q&As and spaces that TWF7 is most likely going to be about Sophie and Jenny's relationship, possibly detailing how they met. Martin says, "I think- it's not because of what is in it [that it will be hated], it's more like, it's the least 'Walten Files' episode of The Walten Files."

Kyle says, "To be fair, I feel like season 2 is going to be such a tone shift and it's gonna do so much, that it's gonna be like, "Woah!" You're gonna send people back, like, 20 feet in surprise."

-Somebody asks if Jack is addicted to smoking, and if Felix gets on his ass about it. Martin says "I don't think Jack is addicted, I think Jack just smokes because he thinks smoking is cool. I wouldn't say addicted, but I'd say Rosemary smokes out of like, a place of, like, stress and anxiety. Instead of just as a hobby, in a way."

-Someone asks if Susan is skinny. Martin says, "I don't think Susan is very skinny, I would say Susan is more--" and Eva fills in with "Muscular..?" to which Martin replies, "Yeah, I was gonna say that, I couldn't find the right word. Yeah, considering she usually helps build the stuff, and shit like that, while Charles sits on his ass and stays on his computer all day, like a fucking lazy bitch. Just programming shit."

-Martin openly laments that Charles doesn't have more of a fanbase for him as in individual character. He goes, "Do I have to wait for the next two episodes to drop, so I can fucking have a Charles fandom? That's so sad."

-According to Kyle, Charles' favorite Sonic the Hedgehog character would be Knuckles. Martin says he doesn't know a lot about Sonic, but that Jack's favorite character would be Doctor Eggman, because he's the only human character.

-Martin and Eva talk for a bit about who would win in a fight between Bon and a bunch of different animatronic characters from Five Nights at Freddy's, with him losing terribly to most or all of them. Eva determines that he could definitely win against normal human William Afton, and Martin says he could, at least, probably win against The Puppet. Martin says, "Y'know how dogs grab, like, a toy? And shake it around? Bon just fucking bites-- and starts fucking shaking the animatronics around."

-Somebody asks, "Do Brian and Kevin know each other?" and Martin says, "No, they don't. I don't think Brian knows anybody from the rest of the series. Why would he?"

-Martin says, "I like to think- in the apartment [Jenny and Sophie] live in- It's really funny to me, the idea that Jenny knows everybody in the building and is friends with everybody, and Sophie isn't. Like, it's like, imagine in everyone else's perspective, its like 'Ohh, there's Jenny!', and she's like this really sweet person, and then there's just Sophie, this fucking-- this silent, weird girl that's always seen next to Jenny."

-Martin asks Eva, "What to you think of episode 7?" to which she replies, "It's very yuriful." He responds saying, "That's true." Eva later appends saying, "It's also a very good episode."

-Someone asks, "Will there be a Walten Files 5 & 6 trailer soon?" and Martin replies, "I have an idea for a trailer, but I know know if it's necessary, considering I don't want to show what happens in the episodes. I want people to go in completely blind."

-Eva reads a question that she likes, but is worried is too spoilery. "What's Sophie's relationship with her medication? Does she resent having to take it? Does Jenny know that she's on it?" Martin responds, "We cannot answer that. Because the medication Sophie's on will be expanded on." appends later going "I love how my original idea for Sophie's pills was like, it was never addressed it any way. It was just like, 'oh, she's just taking pills.'"

-Somebody asks about Hidie the Raccoon from the Showstoppers Cartoon, and Martin says that he's a burglar who pretends to be a collector for charity, but just steals the money.

-Someone asks about Madness Meridian. Martin says, "It was a book that was like, a more realistic version of The Walten Files. And it was like, 'what if The Walten Files was, like, completely made up by Sophie?', and it was like, it was really bad. And I remember I worked a lot in the book, but I lost it on an old computer, so."

-Someone asks if we're ever going to see the Showstoppers singing for real, instead of just performing over a preexisting song, and Martin says yes!

-Someone asks about the Findjackwalten page that was recently discovered, /jennyslair-dot-com-worldwideweb, which is currently password protected. Martin says that it will be a page soon, so the page's content is probably not currently meant to be accessed.

[creepzkilla]

Jahaiahaiahajajs I'm so glad your back!!!

I have an idea for you >:)=

Can I request some of your darkest headcannons for the Proxies? Like what are their toxic traits, it can sfw or nsfw or anything but the request is basically how dark and evil can they be?

I hope this makes sense and you don't have to do it, it's only of you're comfortable!

↳˳⸙;; ❝ HOW DARK ARE THE PROXIES? HC'S! ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗:

★Tumblr relies on reposting, please repost my work.★

tw. warning— mentions of self harm, mentions of aggressive actions, mentions of verbal abuse, mentions of physical abuse, mentions of sexual ordeals

[A/N]— theme change?!??? pls let me know if u guys wanna be tagged in the next post! also i wanted to do the pastas as realistic as possible… should i make a post on how the proxies + others met their lover😴 or just my general hc’s?

THE QUESTION ITSELF IS FUNNY—

the proxies are slashers— murderers. psychopathic, deranged men that are hardly short of completely and utterly insane. their sanity-if they have any- is practically none besides possibly a sliver of humanity. if anything, they aren’t even men— they were resurrected from the pits of hell itself and placed on this god forban world. the atrocities that these men have commited rightly earns them the title of not men— but demons. their sinful actions could never be erased, not even if they bathed in the waters of Babylon. the screams, cries, the sobs of their victims as they carry out their orders doing god knows what to them, will forever be ingraved into their very being. not even god can save them from their damnation— if anything god is laughing.

SANITY IS NOT SOMETHING OF LUXURY FOR THE PROXIES—

it’s something that fought for. everyday, it’s a constant battle for control—the continuous thirst to satisfy the need to kill. not to mention the the operators hold on their minds, making them carry out heinous missions consisting of nothing but death and blood. their minds are plagued with nightmares of what they have done, on repeat like a broken record, replying over and over. yet, behind the insanity, the malice, the control over their minds, they have regained just a sliver of sanity. it’s not like they want to kill—but they have to. for the operator… for this urge. little by little, they begin to feel like an actual human being. but it’s not like you know anything.

TOBY ERIN ROGERS—

is the most far gone. since the operator took over his mind at such a young age without much resistance , he has the pleasure of sculpting toby’s mind into the perfect cast. despite the most—insane, he’s the one that hangs onto his sanity the strongest. almost like he’s able to flip it on and off like a switch. yet, the line between sanity and insanity draws very thin, so he can’t help it when… it slips sometimes.

Self-Destructive Tendencies: Toby's self-destructive tendencies, which are often associated with his character, could negatively impact the relationship. This is either emotional or physically. He may engage in self-harm or reckless behaviors, disregarding the well-being of you and causing them emotional distress and constant worry.

Emotional Instability: Toby's own emotional instability could create an unpredictable and volatile environment within the relationship. His mood swings, anger outbursts, and tendency to lash out verbally or physically could cause you to constantly walk on eggshells.

Explosive Anger: Toby may have anger management issues that result in explosive outbursts. He might have difficulty controlling his temper, leading to verbal or even physical aggression toward his partner. This behavior creates an environment of fear and intimidation.

Jealousy and Insecurity: Toby might struggle with feelings of jealousy and insecurity, leading him to exhibit possessive behavior. This could manifest in him constantly questioning your actions or relationships with others, even if there is no real cause for concern.

Over-Dependency: Toby may have a tendency to become overly dependent on you, relying on you for emotional stability and validation. This can lead to an unhealthy dynamic where he becomes possessive or overly clingy, causing his partner to feel suffocated or trapped.

HOW FAR WOULD TOBY GO—

well, he certainly wouldn’t go far enough to hurt you, no, never. he is specifically always careful not to harm you, especially during sex. but that wouldn’t mean that he would hurt you emotionally or mentally. his favorite punishment is ignoring you. he’d shun you for days on end in your shared apartment, just to teach you a lesson which is very rare. physically, he treats you like a delicate glass doll that could break at any moment. during sex, it’s almost like he’s afraid to touch you. he doesn’t want to corrupt you like the way he is… he wants to preserve your innocence, and your being, and because of that, he would do anything to protect you. anyone who would ever do you wrong would soon come under his hatchet in the most painful way imaginable.

Dark and Evil level: 6/10, Moderate, just "protective"

TIMOTHY WRIGHT(MASKY)—

is in a constant fight for control, more so than the other proxies. In Marble Hornets, it is referenced that he may have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). because of this, he comes into the separate entity known as Masky during blackouts. the operator has stalked timothy ever since he was a child and anyone else he came in contact with. the operator is setting his sights on timothy so young he can influence him just enough to do his bidding. of course, timothy hates the operator and works against him, but after so long, after all the pain and blood, he’s just too tired to fight back anymore. Masky, hates this. he hates that timothy gives up too quickly. during missions, a blackout is typically triggered, giving Masky complete control. and so soon enough Masky became tired as well. and then killing became second nature.

Controlling Behavior: Tim, overwhelmed by his own insecurities and paranoia, becomes possessive and controlling in his relationship. He constantly questions and monitors your actions, isolates them from friends and family, and exhibits manipulative behavior to maintain control.

Emotional Withdrawal: Tim, due to his secretive and guarded nature, may struggle with opening up emotionally to his significant other, that being you. He might withdraw from sharing his thoughts and feelings, leaving you feeling neglected or shut out.

Jealousy and Possessiveness: Tim's loyalty and protectiveness towards his friends, particularly towards Jay, might manifest as excessive jealousy and possessiveness in a romantic relationship. He may feel threatened by your interactions with others and attempt to control or isolate you.

Neglecting Emotional Support: Tim's own emotional struggles consume him, leaving little room for providing adequate emotional support to his partner, you. He may dismiss your concerns, minimize your feelings, or fail to offer the empathy and understanding you need, leaving you feeling unheard and invalidated.

Anger Issues: Tim/Masky occasionally displays violent and unpredictable behavior, driven by his internal struggles and external pressures. In a relationship, this volatility could lead to outbursts of anger, creating an unstable and potentially harmful environment for you

TIMOTHY AND MASKY WOULD NEVER HURT YOU—

not without reason. mentally or emotionally, timothy understands human emotions, despite not having any himself. yet, when he’s around you, everything changes. suddenly, he can feel again, suddenly, he has the strength to fight back. you are everything to him. the only good in this hell-bent world. he needs you, and he can’t let you leave him. so you can’t blame him when he starts chewing nicotine gum, “claiming to quit cigs.” you can’t blame him when he stops taking his gum out when he kisses you, “he forgets to.” you can’t blame him when suddenly all you want to do is kiss him. but it's not enough, no, no, no. he needs to make sure that your, 're addicted to him, completely and utterly infatuated with him. so, you can't blame him when he starts wearing nicotine patches, "the gum just wasn't working." you can't blame him when he starts placing the patches on you when you're sleeping next to him. you cant blame him when you practically breakdown when he leaves you, only for a few hours. you cant blame him when you feel a pinch on you arm during sex, when he stuck the nicotine patch into your arm without you seeing, saying that "oh darling its nothing." you can't blame him when you've become addicted to his presence and cock. no you don't understand, you really just can't blame him, he wants to keep you safe, really, he promises.

Dark and Evil level: 8.5/10, Very high, obsessive and insane.

BRIAN THOMAS (HOODY)—

has the most grip on reality. like tim, he has blackouts to which he comes into the separate being known as “Hoody”. also like Tim, he hates the operator. at first, he resisted, refusing to carry out those abominations; its heinous fantasies of mass destruction. except he was more willing than his counterpart, timothy. brian is calculating, he's a smart guy, he understood what would happen to him if he disobeyed the operator. the most excruciating torture that anyone has ever gone through. proxy brainwashing is no joke. he's not stupid, so that's why he's played the long game. do the operator's bidding until he's able to conjure a plan, it'll only be for a few, just until he can figure out how to get out of this hell space. soon "a few" turned into months. soon "months" turned into years. then suddenly he stopped keeping track. and then, he started to enjoy it.

Isolation and Control: Brian might isolate you from your friends and family, attempting to control who you interact with and where you go. By limiting your support networks, Brian exerts more control over their life, making it challenging for you to maintain independence and make your own decisions.

Difficulty Opening Up: Brian/Hoody's burden of guilt and emotional turmoil might make it challenging for him to open up and share his vulnerabilities. This could create a one-sided dynamic in the relationship, with you having to provide emotional support without receiving reciprocation, potentially leading to resentment and emotional imbalance.

Manipulative: brian plays on the emotions and insecurities of those around him, manipulating their feelings to further his own agenda. he understands their weaknesses and uses psychological tactics to subtly influence their actions, pushing them towards his desired outcomes.

Apathetic: Brian's apathy also masks underlying insecurities and vulnerabilities. By presenting himself as emotionally detached, he avoids exposing his true feelings and weaknesses to others. .

Emotional Unavailability: Brian/Hoody's reserved and stoic nature could make it difficult for him to express his emotions or be emotionally available in a relationship. He might struggle to communicate his feelings or provide the necessary emotional support to you, leading to a sense of distance and detachment.

BRIAN AND HOODIE ARE NEVER GONNA LET YOU GO--

you are the one thing that is keeping him sane. so don't even think about leaving him. you wouldn't get the chance anyways. your everything that he's ever wanted, there is not a chance in hell that he's gonna have you slip through his fingers. he can be mean sometimes, but he doesn't mean it, it just slips out! typically when he gets back from "work", he's aggravated, its like he's a different person. he's cold, calculating, a robot practically; so you cant blame him when he needs something to release his sexual frustration. he just loves pleasing himself inside of you, he loves the way your body reacts to his corruption. now since your body is "bound" to him, he still needs to take extra precautions to keep you from leaving... specifically, brian will pit you aganist your friends and anyone close. pointing out how your friend's remark was passive-aggressive, pointing out details on how your friends "don't care about you, how they will never care about you, how he is the only person that will ever truly care about you. of course, he leaves you at least one friend, maybe two if he's feeling generous, he doesn't want you to go insane after all.

Dark and Evil level: 7/10, Getting up there, crazy ex bf vibes

Toxic traits that all proxies/creepypasta have in my opinion:

Stalking

Manipulative

Gaslighting

Apathetic

Mean :(

Sexually all pastas have a corruption kink-- some more than others

DEEP DOWN THE PROXIES ARE STILL HUMAN--

after everything they've been through, after everything they have seen, they're just scared kids. their lives were stripped away from them at such a young age, their lives were just beginning--now its like they don't even live at all. they never wanted to do this, they never wanted to kill, they never wanted to serve an eldritch demon of mass power, they just wanted to grow up. be a kid, go to college, and have a life. maybe in a different universe, a different timeline, maybe just maybe, everything is the way it should be. maybe they arent as fucked up as they should be.

🏷️— @spookyravioli

[ordinaryschmuck]

Inside Out 2 is More Emotional and More Impactful

Gonna be honest, I wasn't PUMPED for Inside Out 2. I wasn't AGAINST seeing it and it WAS a sequel I was sure could work. As we grow up, are emotions become more complex as new challenges arrive in life as WE grow up. Yeah, the Puberty Alarm could have started and ended as a gag that didn't NEED to go anywhere, but it would have been welcomed if it did. So I could tell that it would have worked...but given the rough year Disney had in 2023 and how they continue to make weird decisions like this?

Yeah, it didn't really encourage me to be on the movie's good side. But my mom wanted to see it and I couldn't say no because it's been a while since WE'VE seen a movie together. So we went out, watched it, and...my goodness gracious, do I LOVE this movie.

There ARE some sequel rehashing, which really is what stops this movie from being a truly great sequel. Emotions are once again shoved out of headquarters while ones people perceive as "bad" are struggling to control Riley and give her the best possible life. HOWEVER, they DO mix things up.

Firstly, the humor feels stronger than the first. The banter with the Emotions are as great as ever, with the newcomers adding some great jokes and dynamics. It cracked me up with how much Fear thirsted over Anxiety, which makes way too much sense. And there's still all the jokes about the mindscape and all that happens when a teen hits puberty. The scene in Riley's Secrets Vault is filled with jokes that cracked me up to no end, with these two 2D characters having the best jokes in the entire movie. I really wish they were in it more.

As for the animation, it, as always, improved from the last film. Pixar once more proves that they can top themselves with more details, fluidity, expressions, and even experimentation. Like I said, there's this 2D character, and they come with 2D props that the 3D characters interact with. And I love how cartoonish the Emotions look or move, creating great juxtaposition with the more realistic yet semi-stylized world Riley lives in. It's part of what I loved about the first movie, and it feels stronger here.

And while there ARE some rehashes, the movie carries on some things from the last in a GOOD way. Joy remembers her lesson about how there's no bad emotions, and tries to greet the newcomers with open arms and optimism. Only to be met with Anxiety, who brilliantly acts as a negative mirror to Joy and how she acted in the last film. Anxiety wants to help Riley HER way, taking charge and pushing away or neglecting other emotions to make Riley's life fit her idea of "better." It shows what COULD have happened if Joy never learned the importance of Sadness or the others, which is actually a smart way to go about these characters. And, yeah, there is ANOTHER rehash with Joy doing something in the last movie to learn the big lesson, but it IS necessary for her to learn how to properly confront, and even help, Anxiety.

And then we get to that ONE scene. You'll know it when you see it. It's a scene where it shows what happens when we let Anxiety consume us. A scene...that makes me want to go back to this for a second:

When I was watching that scene, it made me felt seen, almost like the movie was talking directly at ME. Because I've experienced the EXACT emotions that THAT scene conveys. Hell, I've experienced them recently, as I cried at work THREE times because anxiety took over for too long. Others might have had an experience like that, but it's something I'VE felt and I don't know if it's exactly common enough for EVERYONE to experience. That's what you take away when you ignore a director's catharsis for the sake of making a fifth fucking TOY STORY!

You miss reaching out to people who experienced certain things in certain ways and giving something to point to when someone asks "What's wrong?" Another example is Ratatouille, which perfectly captures the love of creation and art, all through a rat that controls a human as a puppet. It enacts an experience or emotions that a specific kind of people can appreciate, just through a story that's fun and enjoyable through all. Turning Red is about a teen trying to stand up to her mom, but that teen also turns into a giant red panda. Luca is about a boy discovering himself during a summer, but through two fish-boys who just want to buy a vespa. And Inside Out 2 is about how our own self-perception can destroy us and that change is good, but it uses silly emotions going on an adventure in the brain.

Inside Out 2 is GREAT. I'm not even going to dignify the question of whether or not it's better than the first one with a response. I'll just say that it improves on a lot of things despite it still redoing SOME aspects. But with its strong themes and fun new characters, it leads to a sequel more emotional and more impactful. Watch it if you haven't (though, box office numbers suggest you already HAVE), because it'll definitely make you feel things.

[trans-luis-serra-navarro]

Knowing me I’m gonna absolutely make this into a longer post but like. Isn’t it just SOOOOOOOO SILLY AND SO GOOFY that Luis bestowed the role of Sancho Panza onto Leon even though they’d only JUST met

Like,,,, Don Quixote isn’t just a book Luis loves a lot- he bases his ENTIRE MORALITY on his own ideas of what Don Quixote means and what the messages behind it are. He SURROUNDS himself with chivalric ideals and so, obviously, he holds that book and it’s characters VERY near and dear to him- hell, he doesn’t even let Ada or Ashley in on just how much this damn book means to him!!!!!!! The other scientists who he worked with during his time with Los Illuminados also called him Don Quixote, but realistically, how much would they have known of Luis’ deep-seeded love for that novel??????

So like. Clearly. There is NO WAY IN HELL Luis doesn’t understand the impact of Alonso (Don Quixote himself) and Sancho’s relationship. He ABSOLUTELY understands the importance of it and how vital to the tale each other are and how intrinsically intertwined they are in each others lives and how one would quite literally have not survived without the other and how they’ve gone through hell and back for each other (in Alonso’s eyes LITERALLY) and how Sancho was there for him when his illusions of fantasy finally faded away

So. Like. Luis picking Leon to call his Sancho HAD to be purposeful right????????

He HAD to have understood the weight of his words and the weight of his decision. Maybe Leon didn’t quite understand at first but Luis????? Luis knew DAMN WELL that Don Quixote and Sancho Panza’s relationship went further than two people who just happen to be on the same adventure. Luis picking LEON to be his Sancho was PURPOSEFUL.

He’s not just any old chum he happens to he stuck with; Leon is a man who fully encompasses EVERYTHING GOOD Luis believes in in the world. Leon is EVERYTHING his chivalric ideals want him to be. He’s an inherently kind and caring and selfless human being and he’s everything Luis wants to see in himself. He saved him from certain death and now they’re connected more by just the circumstances of their situation- they’d go through hell and back for each other and they HAVE. He wants Leon not just to like him but to LOVE him. Because Leon sees past his actions; he sees past his mistakes and up until now, nobody has ever given him that privilege. Just like how Sancho still believed in Alonso and still believed that there was worth in his fantastical delusions.

So how does Luis express this gratitude without just straight up saying ‘I love you’????

By using language he understands and is comfortable using, of course.

By projecting a story that has meant SO MUCH to him onto the both of them.

And GOD. THATS SO POIGNANT TO ME. HES TELLING LEON HE LOVES HIM IN A WAY HES BEST AT AND MOST COMFORTABLE DOING. HES SAYING ‘I LOVE YOU’ IN ALL OF HIS ACTIONS AND PROJECTIONS. WHICH MEANS MORE THAN THOSE THREE WORDS EVER COULD. HES USING HIS OWN LOVE FOR THAT BOOK TO PROJECT HIS LOVE ONTO THE PEOPLE HE CARES ABT GODDAMNIT‼️‼️‼️

(ALSO SIDENOTE THIS DOESNT JUST APPLY TO LEON!!!!! THIS APPLIES TO ASHLEY AND ADA TOO!!!!!!!!!!! HE PROJECTS THIS SAME LAMGUAGE ONTO THEM AS WELL, JUST NOT TO THEIR FACES!!!!!!!!!! HE SHOWS THEM KINDNESS AND LOVE IN HIS ACTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!)

And I think on some level Leon knows this too. He probably hasn’t analysed Don Quixote from every angle possible like Luis has, but he knows- in those final actions, when he takes up the mantle of his Sancho and confirms to Luis that, yes, he WAS a fine knight, he WAS his Don Quixote- I think he knew exactly what Luis had been trying to say to him this whole time. Just…. Using words that best describes it in his own way.

[crystallizedday]

So I have no idea if anyone else has made a post like this already, but at this point, I’m gonna EXPLODE if I don’t get this out of my system.

This has been haunting my brain for WEEKS & I am NOT having it.

So

Ice Marcy.

Lil angel.

DEFINITELY a result of Marceline dying at some point.

I mean, we have the Winter King telling Simon he can ALWAYS make an Ice Betty if Simon misses her so much, & while he SAYS that he’s joking & states how such a thing is clearly unethical…

Let’s be honest…

Bro’s a fuckin hypocrite saying that.

I mean, what he did to PB is fuckin unethical as hell, so if he’s morally fine with THAT, what’s stopping him from coping with the death of a loved one by making a living ice replica of them?

Anyway, a bunch of people already agree with that shit anyway, so that’s not what I’m here to address.

I’m here to talk about the when & how of the situation.

Cause I’ve seen a lot of people assuming Marcy died at a very young age due to her appearance as a child in her ice form & this “flashback” scene from WK’s song.

But that just cannot be the case.

Why?

Marceline’s bass.

Her bass (that in actuality is just a fuckin ax) is a family heirloom that once belonged to Hudson.

She only acquired possession of it to modify it into a bass once she met Hudson AFTER Simon had left her for good in her adolescence(?).

This means she COULDN’T have died during the apocalypse phase of Ooo.

So when could she have died?

Well, while a ton of people speculate it was right before or even right after the Winter King’s transformation into himself, I believe it was sometime AFTER, just not quite right away.

Cause ya gotta remember:

Marcy & Bonnie weren’t talking for HUNDREDS of years after their breakup.

& they only started hanging out again about two decades earlier from where we are in the present, which is still FAIRLY RECENT.

As Simon states in the episode, the Winter King had cursed PB ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO.

This means she & Marceline were STILL not on speaking terms by the time she got cursed.

HOWEVER

As we see in the very first Adventure Time finale, right before our two favorite lesbians kiss, Marcy admitted she was still TERRIFIED that PB would get hurt WHILE they weren’t talking.

So what does this tell us?

Lemme pitch y’all MY take on how Marcy TRULY died.

The Winter King found a way to project his insanity onto Bubblegum, reshaping himself & his kingdom with his newfound lucidity.

Sometime LATER (either soon after or even decades later), Marceline checks up on the situation after seeing the Candy Kingdom absolutely FUCKED & the Ice Kingdom flourishing, sees what happened to the two rulers, slowly puts two & two together, & interrogates the Winter King on it.

Cause like… while it’s awesome to have “Simon” back, Marceline realistically would NOT stand for it to come at the cost of Bubblegum’s sanity. Even if their relationship was still rocky, she still CARED about Bonnie & her safety.

She demanded the Winter King to undo this, telling him what he was doing was MONSTROUS…

But at some point, whether intentionally or unintentionally…

He did it.

HE killed her.

Either to stop her from reversing the spell herself or to get her to shut up so he wouldn’t have to face the fact that what he did was wrong.

He killed her, & felt such an overwhelming sense of guilt that he decided to cope with what he did…

In probably the most fucked up way possible.

As long as she didn’t know the truth, everything can be fine.

& what’s more oblivious & unquestioning than a small, impressionable child?

Much like how PB intentionally made her citizens stupid to avoid conflict :))))))

Anyway, uh

That is all.

You’re welcome for the heartbreak IWJWOWJWOSKWODK

[ficthots]

Forget Me Not

A/N: Danny boy. Lovely Danny boy. I mean just look at that man. How could you not love him? Enemies to lovers and smut, what more could you want? I know this one is a bit shorter than what I normally produce, but I assure you longer fics with Danny are on their way. As always let me know what you guys think and enjoy!

Warnings: SMUT. DNI if under 18. 18+ content only.

Word Count: 8.5k+

True love is a false connotation made up by fairytale authors and movie directors to get people to buy their books and see their films. In reality, no one ever truly meets their “soulmate” that fate sent to them that has been concocted by the heavens to be the perfect piece of the missing portion of their heart. Come on, really? Who the hell buys into that?

Plenty of people, actually. The dreamers of the world. The individuals who will never stop the search until they feel like they’ve met the one. Which is obviously working as divorce rates sky rocket across the world. Yeah, totally working. 

It’s the realists who keep themselves grounded to the real world. Not falsifying some ridiculous notion that every person is going to be perfectly matched. Because it’s simply not true. Most people end up settling for what they get, even if it’s not what they deserve. Making all of these ideas about what they could be like, seeing them fall short of it, and being upset by it.

Nope, not for you. You knew that the cream of the crop wasn’t what your dating pool would ever look like. Getting the best selection of people possible that you could hand pick from the sea of lovers that so desperately wanted you for their own. It made you snort just thinking about it. 

Of course, this isn’t 100% true for everyone, but it was true for you. Taking what you could get because you just assumed that this was as good as it was going to get. That these were the cards dealt by the universe and this was what you deserved. 

Now, your best friends on the other hand had no such fate as your own. They were the epitome of having the best of the best to choose from. That’s what having a leg up in the world did for you. Being literal rock stars worked in favor for you. Not a thing to worry about because if you didn’t like who was in your lap now, in a split second you could have something else. 

Two of the four didn’t fit into that category. Sam and Jake had seemingly found their person and were content with where they were. Danny was whoring around the world and was constantly invoking eyerolls from your end at the sheer ridiculousness of it and the tales he would share within your earshot. Sweet Josh was so happy by himself that he was galvanting his singleness around, enjoying being alone before he eventually fell into something with someone. 

Three of the four you were extremely overjoyed for. The Kiszka boys would always hold a special place in your heart. The other one? Not really. You weren’t even sure where and when it had started, but it was just the foundation your “relationship” was built on. The snarky, sarcastic, annoyed moods just seemed to wash over you whenever he entered the room. 

He was the same with you, too. It wasn’t one sided in the least. If you dished it out, he was giving it right back. For some reason, it was just how you two were with one another. You didn’t challenge it. 

Danny wanted nothing more than to challenge it. He despised this idea of a “relationship” with you. In fact, it drove him mad. He wasn’t the type of guy to openly express his feelings and maybe he had missed the turn to be able to do so with you, but now he was in a permanent purgatory hellscape of dealing with this.

Yet, he would take the shitty interactions because at least it was that. An interaction. A tiny sliver of a conversation with you. A way to have some form of communication with you. As long as he got to speak directly to you, he would put up with it. What he didn’t want to put up with however, was the douchebag that is Connor.

The entire group hated the guy. He was a downright asshole that you had been dating for over eight months. All of the time they had spent time with him was a reminder of how much the guy just sucked. Not to mention he treated you like absolute garbage, so much so that it drove everyone up the goddamn walls each time he opened his mouth to speak to you. 

No one could figure out why you put up with it. Knowing that there was someone, something better for you out there. You didn’t believe that. Connor was who the universe had put in your path for whatever reason so that’s who you stuck it out with. True love wasn’t a thing. You wouldn’t buy into the fantasy. 

After another incredibly tough evening out with the entire group, douche canoe in tow, Danny sat on Josh’s couch, nursing a hangover. Entirely veering off from the conversation they had been having just moments before about the night out, Danny cut Josh off mid sentence. “Why is goldie still with him? Haven’t you said anything to her? Did you see how he made her go to the bar each time he wanted another drink? And she paid each time!”

The nickname that had been donned on you when you fell into an obsession with the Golden Girls in middle school, never wanting to watch anything else, was regularly used by the group. Only ever spoken with fondness. Unless Danny was using it to address you directly.

Josh plopped down next to him, shrugging at his concerns. “Listen, I’ve talked to her. More than once and I have reached a conclusion that I think everyone else has as well. It’s her life. She is actively choosing to stay with him no matter how much it sucks ass. I have said my peace to her regarding it. Now, I stay out of it. She’s a big girl and when she tires of it she’ll leave.” 

He didn’t like that answer, playing with the coffee mug in his hands. “Yeah and what if she doesn’t?” Josh loosed a deep breath and gave a beaming smile to his brother. “Then we plaster big ass smiles to our fucking faces and suck it up because that’s what she’s chosen.” 

Were you aware of how terrible Connor truly was? Yes and no. Was he as bad as they made him out to be each time they brought it up to you? Of course not. Behind closed doors, he was sweet when he wanted to be, serious when he needed to be, and he was like having an old friend around. You were just fine with that.

Sure, there were times where he was more of a dick than normal, but everyone has their bad days. His just happened to be in front of your friend group more often than not. Which didn’t help your case. Like just a month ago, the entire group went out to a celebratory dinner for the boys having completed their latest album.

Everyone dressed up to the nines, went to the fanciest restaurant you guys could find, and wined and dined all evening. It was a blast. Being able to take part in celebrating another job well done for your nearest and dearest friends. It was a small celebration for you as well, just a small secret whispered between you and your partner.

You had been offered a new position at work that was bundled with a significant pay raise and an office. You were going to have your own office which had you giddy with excitement. But because you didn’t want to undermine the boys and their evening, you kept it amongst yourselves. 

Connor even offered to pay your share of the bill for the evening. As the toast of the evening was spoken by Josh, beaming with pride at his siblings, you felt like your face was going to be permanently stretched this wide with the smile you had adorned all evening. 

When Josh went to take his seat, Connor stood from his. Your eyes widened, trying to pull him back down, but he shushed you. With your face burning from embarrassment, he started. “I just want to also offer my congratulations to you guys, but to goldie girl as well.” Everyone's faces contorted with confusion, looking upon you. Danny was seated right across from you and you couldn’t bring yourself to look into his eyes.

“She was offered an enormous promotion at work that she accepted, of course! What were, oh you said that there was something you were stoked for. What was it?” He nudged you as you forced a smile to your face. “An office,” he snapped his fingers as you had spoken so quietly no one had really heard. 

“An office! Yes, but the most important part is that she was offered a huge chunk of change. Big ass pay raise.” You wanted to absorb into the floor, not wanting the attention to be on you tonight, but everyone cheered for you. Waving everyone off, you tried to tamp it down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to share that tonight. Tonight’s about you guys!”

Josh had rounded the table, slinging an arm around you, kissing your cheek from behind. “Nonsense! We are celebrating all that this wonderful life has to offer and that includes our goldie girl.” You felt a real smile creep back on your lips at his words. Patting his arm, you leaned into the embrace, thanking everyone. 

As the server came back to the table, handing out the assortment of billfolds, yours was handed to Connor. Chatter amongst the group meant attention was elsewhere, but Danny was watching. Always watching. Observing how Connor patted every pocket he had before looking at you with a sheepish look.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I forgot my wallet,” your eyes bugged out at him, picking up the bill and seeing the total. “Connor, you said you had this.” You two were on the brink of a massive fight as you slid your credit card into the billfold, holding a hand up to him to get him to stop talking, but he took it a step further, speaking louder. 

“God, I make one fucking mistake and suddenly the entire world caves in. We were having such a great night and there you go ruining it. You have got to be kidding me,” he rolled his eyes with a scoff, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back in his chair.

Your eyes were nearly bugging out of your head at his reaction, intense shame pummeling you at his words. You gave everyone a weary smile, quietly excusing yourself from the table, and walking out of the private room they had booked. When Danny went to speak, blood boiling, Josh cut him off, knowing the look in his eyes. 

“I think that is our cue.” Everyone stood from the table, silently shuffling out of the room, but Danny hung back, finally being alone with the boyfriend. Danny took your credit card out of the billfold, handing it back to him in silence, checking the total, and leaving cash in place. 

He took a deep breath, locking eyes with him. “You’re welcome.” Connor chuckled under his breath, not having stood from his seat, eyeing the drummer. “Ah, okay. Mr. Hero comes and saves the day for her. I see how it is, dude.” 

Danny gave a tight lipped smile, patting him on his shoulder as he left. “Don’t call me dude.” When he walked out of the restaurant, he saw you profusely apologizing to his brothers for Connor having ruined the night. Your hands were held by Josh’s, him giving reassuring squeezes before pulling you into a large hug.

Josh kissed the side of your head, pulling back when your boyfriend walked out and saw you. You looked right past Danny to him, narrowing your eyes and turning on your heel, and storming off to where you had parked the car. Danny cast a glance at the man, seeing as he stood still to his spot. 

“Do not let her walk alone to the car this late. Go,” Danny cocked his head in the direction you had walked off. Connor wanted to fight against his natural instinct to stay and let you deal with it, but with the intensity of Danny’s stare, he stalked off. 

That was just one example of that. 

It was earlier in the relationship when you had invited Connor to go to a bar you all loved to frequent together, wanting him to get to know everyone a little better. He agreed, but the entire evening all he had done was trash talk the place you all looked at as a second home. 

Rolling your eyes as he walked off to get another drink, you stirred your straw in your glass, pissed that he wasn’t even making an effort. Sam chuckled as he faced you. “Damn, tough crowd to please, huh?” You groaned, letting your head fall to your hand. “Sorry.” Was all you mumbled out, Josh rubbing your back.

You hardly saw Connor for the rest of the night. With the group continuing to disperse throughout the building, you sat at your designated booth, sipping your fruity drink with a pout on your lips. Danny took the seat next to you, but you shot a glare his way.

“What do you want?” You spoke out around the straw in your mouth. “Ah, just coming to check on my favorite lonely girl.” Your face went up in disgust at the words, but he still had that sly smirk plastered to his face. 

After not having seen Connor all night, your eyes finally found him. Leaning against the far end of the bar, back to you as he chatted with a girl. Her tits were sticking so far out of her shirt you could’ve sworn her areolas were visible. 

Danny’s gaze followed yours and took in a short breath, sipping his drink before he spoke. “Oh, there’s the asswipe! Over there flirting with TitsMcGee. Real nice,” you only shrugged, trying to play it off. “We haven’t had the seeing other people talk yet so it’s fine.” 

His eyes narrowed at you, chin tipping down to give you a look that all but said yeah okay whatever you say. Grunting, you slid out of the booth, flipping him off. “Whatever, I don’t owe you an explanation.”

Grumbling under your breath, you found Josh and leaned your head on his arm as he played a round of pool with Jake, waiting for his turn against the wall. His chest tightened with envy at the motion, wanting nothing more than to be in the place of Josh. 

Instead, he moved over to where Connor stood, clapping a hand roughly on his shoulder and speaking in his ear. “Hey, Connor! Don’t know if you remember or not, but you didn’t come here alone. Remember her?” He pointed over in your direction, beer bottle still in hand as he did. 

The girl's face went into shock as she eyed him. “You didn’t tell me you were with someone. Pig,” she said as she hurried off. Connor turned to face Danny, not near his looming height, but attitude ready to match his. “Look, dude, I was just talking with her. No harm done,” Danny’s fake smile was still on his lips.

“Course not. Now, go stand by your girlfriend for the rest of the night and keep her company.” Connor rolled his eyes, colliding with Danny’s arm for a hard hit as he went to move past him. Danny caught the same arm, speaking with a chillingly calm tone, “And don’t call me dude.” 

Danny despised how your face lit up as Connor approached you, letting him wrap an arm around you. Claiming you from him. It took every ounce of patience he had to reapproach the group, taking a round of pool with Sam. 

All you wanted was for everyone to get along. That’s why you invited Connor’s friend group to a kickback at Josh’s, wanting to get to know them better because despite having been dating for four months, you had only briefly met them once. Josh was all for getting to know Connor’s friends, insisting that they attend. 

What you didn’t expect was for the night to go so poorly that Connor’s friends were literally kicked out of Josh’s home and told they were not welcome back. You hadn’t really been near them that night, but when you had been they didn’t make much of an effort to talk with you. It was mainly awkward, but it always was when you were meeting new people.  

That’s why when you watched as Josh escorted the group to the front door from the backyard, you had no idea what had happened. Pestering Josh, he refused to say. Which was only further indication that whatever it was, had been so offensive, Josh had kicked them out. 

Josh!

It wasn’t brought up again and you never took the initiative to invite them over when the group would hang out. Not worth the uncomfortable tension. Instead, you tried to keep things separate to the best of your ability. 

That was one of the main reasons no one really brought up the fact that they utterly despised your partner of choice, but it was brought up one afternoon as you lounged on Josh’s couch. He was sitting on the opposite end of the long sectional, pursuing his phone, but pulled your attention when he suddenly remembered something.

“I totally forgot to tell you.” Your head lazily turned in his direction, not entirely interested in what he was saying, honestly too high to be dealing with anything. “Danny was pissed off about how Connor acted the other night at the bar.” Your brow furrowed, slightly sitting up at his words. “Huh?”

He tossed his phone down, attention fixating on the television, but nodded. “Oh yeah. You should’ve heard the rant he went on about the guy. He hates him,” since Josh was also partaking in vaping with you this afternoon, he fell into a mess of laughter beside you as his words tapered off. 

It left you puzzled for the rest of the day. If there was anyone you wouldn’t assume cared about Connor, it was most definitely Danny. You had never seen them interact honestly. How could he hate him? Typical Danny. Making a decision before even knowing all the facts or, in this case, the person. 

This was just one of the reasons why you didn’t particularly enjoy Danny’s company. There had been plenty of interactions that only confirmed your disregard for the boy was well warranted. For example, the time at the studio when you had touched his drums. 

The boys had been recording, inviting you along for the Sunday session, but you were utterly bored. You weren’t sure where they had ventured off to, but a small break had you wandering into the recording booth where Josh stood, checking over the lyrics and notes.

You snickered, going over to the drummer's stool and sitting. “Hey look. I’m Danny,” taking the poses he often did as he played, Josh was giggling as he watched you. His eyebrows shot up though, quickly telling you to get off the seat as the door opened. Danny’s eyes went wide as he saw you standing from his seat.

“What-what are you doing? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you have any idea how long it takes me to get this set up just right for recording” He shoved past you, anger coursing through him at your careless actions. Which in your mind weren’t careless at all. 

You crossed your arms, eyeing him at his overdramatic breakdown which was for naught. “Relax, all I did was sit in the seat and hold your sticks. That’s all. Josh can vouch for me that I didn’t touch your precious drums.” He shot daggers at you anyways, pushing hair out of his face as he readjusted his seat.

“Does she have to be here?” He asked directly to Josh, but you went to the boy, wrapping your arms around him and giving the biggest smile you could to Danny. “Of course. Josh always needs me here.” Batting your eyelashes at him, he rolled his eyes, mumbling under his breath at you as you went and took your seat once again. 

Danny’s eyes never left you for the remainder of the day.

Your car was always something that everyone teased you for. It was an older car for sure, but you fully believed in using something until it absolutely could not do its job anymore. Your car was running just fine. 

Did it sometimes stall out or break down in the middle of traffic? Very rarely. Today just happened to be one of those days. You groaned as you realized that you were going to have to get out and push it, cars honking behind you like that was going to help the situation.

When you got out, you were immediately met with his curly hair bouncing as he jogged over to where you stood next to your car. Shaking your head as he approached you, you turned away. “Alright, let’s push it.” You refused to look at him as he moved towards the back of the car. 

“Fuck! Nope, no, it’s okay. I have a guy-someone coming,” Danny shot you an unamused look. “I’m not playing around, come on!” He shouted, but you didn’t want to give in by asking him for help because you knew he would just use it against you in the future. 

Scratching your head, you looked at him, hand shielding your eyes from the sun. “I got it. There's a gas station like a mile down, so don’t worry about it.” He didn’t wait for you any longer, knowing you had already put the car in neutral, he began pushing much to your dismay.

You grumbled, helping him at your door, steering as you did. “When was the last time this piece of shit was serviced?” Danny asked, but you were focused on pushing. “Not that long ago! I know how to take care of my vehicle, thank you very much.”

A sarcastic laugh fell from him. “Yeah and that’s why your service sticker on your windshield says you were due months ago.” You ignored him, flipping him off in your mind. When you got the car to a safer spot, he already had his phone out requesting service. 

Crossing your arms, you refused to look at him as he stood right next to you, blocking the sun from your vision. “You can go now.” You spoke out, looking at your shoes. His own arms mimicked yours. “You can say thank you, you know?” 

Biting back a snarky return, you looked up at him with a fake smile, “Thank you.” His hand ruffled your hair, but you smacked it away with a groan. “Anytime, goldie.” He turned on his heel, heading back to his own car. 

Danny sat and waited to ensure that a tow truck was actually on its way and when it had loaded your car, he finally left. Smiling to himself because he had gotten you to say thank you. Even if it was a sarcastic thank you, it was still a thanks. 

Despite not giving him an actual thank you, you were grateful. You just couldn’t show it to him. The man who challenged you at every turn, every chance he could. Even with things that he knew you were best at. Like baking. 

A dinner party put on by Jake and Jita which had a different style than normal had you signing up for dessert. Each course was to be cooked at the house, in order, by a different pair. A cooking and baking standoff. Of course, Danny had also signed up for dessert.

You scowled at him the entire time, especially when you both got to the kitchen to begin. His curls held up in a loose ponytail, some curls framing his face, sweater sleeves rolled up, you fought not to look at his arms. 

When the fuck did Danny get built? 

Pushing the thought out of your head, you went into competition mode. You and Danny rubbed elbows the entire time, you shoving him every once and awhile, telling him to move over because he was encroaching on your space. 

As you waited for the dessert to exit the oven, you were making your icing and decorations. From the corner of your eye, you could see him watching you. When he bumped into you again, you almost lost it. 

“I swear to god, if you knock into me one more time, I will hurt you.” Danny nodded at your words, grabbing a handful of flour and smiling at you. “Oh yeah? What if I were to do this?” He threw the flour directly at you, coating your face, hair, and apron. When you opened your eyes, he had that same stupid smirk on his face. 

Jita entered the kitchen at the exact moment you went to grab the milk, immediately halting you. “No! Absolutely not in my kitchen.” The oncoming food fight halted right in its tracks at her words. Speaking through gritted teeth you eyed him. “Can you at least grab me a damp towel please?” 

He nodded, moving towards the sink and grabbing a towel as he did. When the wet fabric slapped against your skin, drenching you in the process, you nearly lunged at him. Without any time to, your timer went off to grab your food from the oven. 

As you removed yours, you smiled to yourself as you saw his still rising. Grabbing the handle, you pulled the door open, slamming it shut right after, and watching as his dessert entirely sank. Feeling satisfied with the retaliation, you turned and saw his jaw hanging.

“You just ruined my dessert!” You shrugged, feigning innocence at his words. “Oh my bad. I thought that was my oven.” Smirking as you decorated yours, plating it, and waltzing out of the kitchen, you placed the tray in the center of the table. 

Oh’s and ah’s flowed around the room as you beamed at your creation. When Danny set his sad display down, you had to bite back a laugh. “Well, I think it’s safe to say that this one goes to goldie. Hardly even a competition,” Jake bellowed out, nearly choking on his own laughter. 

You were walking on air the rest of the night. Danny was fine with the loss. He sat with a grimace the rest of the night, but only to play into the part. He knew he had no chance of winning, not against you. Why wouldn’t he have some fun with it?

That was the key to your group. Having fun. Anyways you guys could, that was the goal. That varied week by week, but tonight it meant everyone was curled up in Sam’s living room having a Shrek marathon. Snacks being passed around, you were sharing the floor space with Josh, splitting a milkshake, two incredibly long straws went to each other’s mouths. 

Everyone wore pajamas, there were insane amounts of blankets and pillows just strewn about. Your hand grabbed some licorice, but as you bit into it, you watched as Sam’s head peeked from the edge of the couch to catch your gaze.

His finger poked your cheek as he smiled. “Your birthday is next week.” Batting his hand away you leaned back into your pillows. “What about it?” You mumbled as you chewed. “What’re we doing? Does Conrad have anything planned?” 

Giving him an unamused look, you focused your attention back to the screen. “Connor and I’m not sure. He hasn’t said anything. I’m not a birthday person anyways, you know that.” He only hummed in response. Danny’s eyes were fixated on you from his side of the couch. 

Trying to figure out what he could do for you for your birthday that was appropriate for the situation you two were in. Flaming bag of dog shit at your front door seemed about right. It was all he thought about the rest of the night. 

When your birthday came the following week, you smiled as you woke up to calls and texts from family and friends sending you birthday wishes. This was just like any other day for you, the only difference was your free drink at Starbucks instead of having to pay for it. Continuing on with your normal day, you were slightly down as you checked your phone.

Not one message from Connor. 

You were interrupted when one of the clerks came to your office, knocking on the door and pulling your attention to her. “Birthday girl has a delivery!” Brows furrowed in confusion, you followed her out. 

There sat a tremendous bouquet of your favorite flowers. All of the office girls were giddy as they wanted to see the full extent of the gigantic vase and its fillings. Your cheeks burned as you thanked everyone and retreated back to your office. With the door shut soundly behind you, you pulled the card out and glowed at the message. 

Only the best for the golden girl who has captured my heart. With all my love I wish you the happiest of birthdays, sweet girl. 

No name signed. You clutched the card to your chest, feeling your heart rate heighten. You didn’t think Connor was capable of doing something like this. And here you were cursing him just minutes earlier for forgetting. Of course he wouldn’t forget. 

Then why didn’t he call? All day you had sat waiting for something, anything. Yet it was radio silence all damn day. Like he would’ve sent you those flowers and not gloated about it. Not a chance. 

When you crawled into bed on the verge of tears, you decided that you were too furious to even try and go to bed. You knew Josh had told you that he was going to be living at the studio that week to get some additional work done, so that’s where you headed. 

Sorely upset when you barged into the building and seeing no one inside, you grabbed your phone to call him, but jumped when a voice sounded from behind you. “Hey, happy birthday.” 

Glowering at him, you kept your eyes attached to your phone. “Yeah, not really. Do you know where Josh is, Danny?” He took a seat at the sound board with a groan. “Left a couple hours ago. What’s wrong? Why so glum, sugar plum?” 

Another dirty look in his direction, you took the seat opposite of him. “Just want to talk to Josh is all.” He hummed in false deep thought. “Is that so?” Biting your tongue, you responded, “Yup.” Popping the “p” at the end of your abrupt response had him leaning forward. 

“Cause what I’m guessing happened is Sir Jackass forgot your birthday. That’s why you’re here looking for Josh, right? To vent to him about how horrible your boyfriend is. How he could possibly forget such an important day.” Your nostrils flared at his words, staring at him through your eyelashes. “Shut the fuck up, Danny. I’m not in the mood.”

He leaned forward some more, catching your eye. “There’s a real simple solution to this problem, you know? Fucking leave the man. If you weren’t with him, you wouldn’t be going through this. Problem solved.” A bitter laugh bubbled up at his words. 

“Don’t comment on something you have no knowledge on. Don’t you have a bimbo to go stick your dick in and leave me the fuck alone?” The blow didn’t harm him in the least, sliding by that comment all together. “Really, no knowledge? Yet, this seems to be a fairly regular occurrence. You need to treat yourself better. Do something about it instead of feeling bad for yourself.”

Anger licked at your veins, body temperature rising as you shot up from your seat, staring down at the boy. “Because Danny is just the be all end all of everything, right? You fucking know it all, don’t ya? You know, where do you get the goddamn balls to go sticking your nose in places it shouldn’t be?” He remained quiet, letting you get the hurt and anger out now. He would be your punching bag. 

“Not everyone gets the cream of the crop to choose from, Danny! Not all of us have people falling at their feet just begging to have a chance. We are not the same.” He stood at the end, eyebrows shooting up. 

Blinking up at him, you were rooted to your spot, ready for the challenge. His voice was low, not a hint of rage in his tone. “Maybe you need to take a look around. You might be surprised by what you see, goldie.” 

You left the studio shaking with irritation and bewilderment. What the hell did that even mean? Take a look around. At what? At who? You spent the remainder of the week stewing on that. Trying to figure out what he had meant. 

Josh had sent you a text one evening, telling you that on Saturday you needed to be at his place by seven that night. Entirely forgetting that your birthday had been that week, that your birthday was the cause of that blowout with Danny. Not piecing together why he had invited you over.

It was given away as you saw the million cars parked on his street, lights shutting off as you arrived. When you got to the front door you could clearly hear Josh shushing people, whisper yelling that you were at the door. Him being inebriated was obvious as well. 

Bracing yourself for the group on the other side, you played into the game as you opened the door. “Hey, Josh! Oh man, why are the lights off?” Your monotone voice was comical as you flicked the lights on, being greeted with a large group. Everyone adorned birthday hats, kazoos, and drinks in hand. 

Laughing, you saw Josh jumping for joy as he rushed you, sweeping you into his embrace. “Happy birthday, goldie!” Your thanks was muffled by giggles, starting to go around and thank everyone for coming. Entirely ignoring Danny whose face was anything but excited to be there, you went to grab a drink with Jake.

Connor wrapped his arms around you from behind, the smell of booze wafting off of him in waves. “Hap-happy birthday, baby.” Not wanting to make a scene, you let him hug you before lightly pushing him off. He made no other efforts to talk to you all night, instead finding home with a small group of his own friends. 

Nudging Josh, you smirked. “Let them back into your home?” His rosy cheeks went up as his smile grew. “Just to get him to leave us alone for the night. As long as they don’t cause any problems, we’re good.” Your hand cupped his cheek, lightly pecking it before pulling him into another hug.

“Thank you for the party, Josh.” He chuckled, tightening you in his grasp, but spoke over the now booming music. “Well, you’re welcome, but it was mainly-” he was cut off by Jake grabbing you for a game of beer pong happening on the back porch. 

The entire night was a blast. Just being surrounded by your closest friends had your mood improving tenfold as the evening carried on. Music was thumping, laughter echoing off the walls, and booze flowing freely. This was exactly how you wanted to celebrate your birthday. 

Danny was a fly on the wall the entire time. In such a shit mood he didn’t want to be around anyone really. Despite seeing the gleaming smile you had worn all night, he was furious about what had happened a few nights ago. How did you not see it? 

His thoughts were cut off as he overheard the ongoing conversation happening next to him. There Connor stood with his god awful friends, babbling incoherently, but the second your name fell from his lips, Danny was intently listening. 

“Yeah man, she was fre-freaking out because I forgot her fuc-fucking birthday. What is she, five?” He was slurring his words and laughing through them as his friends egged him on, but without realizing it, Danny had entered their circle. 

His grip tightened on the bottle in his hand, knuckles going white as he narrowed his eyes on the guy. Unamused look stuck to his face, tongue running over his teeth. “You kn-know how long it’s be-been since we’ve had sex? Me forgetting,” he used air quotes around the word as he hiccuped before continuing on, “is my little punis-punishment for her acting like this.” His eyebrows shot up, nodding his head as his friends agreed with him.

Danny gave a smile to him, feigning friendliness. “Acting like what, Connor?” His eyes never left the swaying figure as he stood casually, one hand tucked in a pocket, the other setting his beer bottle down. Connor scoffed, trying to get Danny away from him. “Stay out of this bird boy.” 

His friends laughed tirelessly at the remark, but Danny chuckled with them, taking a step closer to him. Connor’s face lit up with realization, a finger poking into Danny’s chest. “Wa-wait! Actually, if anything you know how I feel about her!” Danny nods, encouraging him to go on. 

“Okay. Say it to my face then. How is she acting?” Connor chokes on a laugh, uttering the words haphazardly. “Like a bitch, dude.” It happened in a split second, but Danny’s arm had cocked back, barreling forward, and connected his fist with Connor’s nose, a loud crunch and shout silencing the room. 

Connor fell back onto the coffee table, immediately getting drenched with the forgotten drinks sitting atop it. Blood poured from his nose, but Danny’s figure loomed over him still. Gasps had echoed out, music stopping, no one moving as they waited for the next move. 

“Danny!” You yelled out, eyes wide in shock at what you had just seen. Jita’s hand gripped your arm tightly, her own face paralleling yours. Josh and Sam had crossed the room, placing firm grasps on their brother and trying to pull him away as Sam spoke, “Let’s take a breather, Danny.” 

When Connor pointed back at Danny, hand still cradling his nose, everyone waited with baited breath. “Fucker broke my nose!” Danny pulled free from the boy's grips and stood over him again. His voice dripping with disdain, you didn’t miss the tremble of his hands. 

“Next time you run your mouth like that it’ll be a lot fucking worse. Take that as your warning and get the fuck out of here. I don’t want to see your fucked up face again, understand?” He scrambled to get up from his spot, friends helping him up, but he spoke once more before making his exit.

“You’re fucking psycho, dude! She’s yours man. She ain’t fucking worth this shit. Fucking crazy ass people.” He was mumbling as he hastily stumbled from the house, the residence still drenched in silence.  

Danny’s eyes met yours, how big and glossy they were as they peered at him, trying to silently communicate about what had happened. He swallowed thickly, knowing everyone was waiting for an explanation. “He called me dude. I told him I don’t like being called dude.” His eyes never parted from yours as he spoke, but you knew that wasn’t it.

Not with Danny. Something as trivial as that wouldn’t make him snap. 

The rest of the night, he was continuously swarmed by people, pestering him with questions about what had happened. He refused to answer any by anyone who asked, even his own brothers. The one person he truly wanted to come and talk to him was avoiding him like the plague. 

Being on edge for the remainder of the evening meant you couldn’t settle back down and enjoy the company of those around you. Instead, you stared off into the distance and tried to understand the events that had unfolded. You had heard what Connor said. 

She’s yours.

What the fuck would make him say that to Danny of all people? Josh you could kind of understand because of how close you two were, but Danny? It didn’t make a lick of sense. As the night dwindled down, people continuously left and offered happy birthday wishes as they filed out of the home. 

Aiding in taking down the decorations that were sloppily put up along all of the walls, you could hear your friends downstairs arguing over who got the last of the birthday cake, knowing they were going to be drawing funny things on Josh’s face because he had long since passed out on the couch. 

The bathroom door opened and out walked Danny, knuckles lightly bruised, but a tiny bandage covered one cut. Not very well. He stopped dead in his tracks as he set sight on you. Setting the trash bag down, you motioned to one of the guest rooms, entering and hearing Danny follow you in, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Turning and facing him, you were on the offense. Arms crossed over your chest, refusing to back down, you stared him down. “You need to tell me what happened tonight.” His hands tucked into his pockets, rocking on his heels, shaking his head. “No.”

Scoffing, you felt the irritation bubbling in your gut. “Daniel! I’m not fucking around. If anyone deserves to know it’s me! I’m pretty sure my relationship ended tonight because of you. Knock it off and just tell me.” You weren’t sure which part of your statement ticked him off, but you watched him explode. 

“Alright, fine! You want to know? The son of a bitch was running his mouth, said something about you that he shouldn’t have, and he got knocked on his ass for it! Any further questions?” You were more confused than before. “What did he say?” Your tone had evened out, voice dropping into a near whisper as you spoke. 

Your eyes were drawn to his injured hand, not seeing his face when he replied to you. “No, I won’t repeat that.” Nodding in silence, you slowly went towards him, reaching for his hand. When you gingerly grabbed it, he put up no fight.

Fingers rubbing gently against the forming bruises, your brows furrowed. “Does it hurt?” He shrugged, trying to fight against the goosebumps that were erupting all over his body at the simplest of touches from you. When you finally tilted your head back to peer up at him, his gaze was already on you.

It was a split second reaction, leaning up to reach him and feeling his lips brush against your own for the first time. You had never felt anything like it. Something you had only read about. Nothing that could’ve ever been real. Entirely ridiculous. 

So why was it actually happening?

You didn’t want it to end. Instead, your hands moved to his neck, one cupping the back and pushing him further towards you and the other moved to his jaw. The incredibly sharp feature was rock solid in your trembling hand. 

His were entirely steady. Not a shake to be found as he deepened the kiss, crushing you to his body. Tongue swiping across your own, your entire body shook, a chill wracking your spine. He moved you towards the bed and when you felt your knees hit the edge, you immediately laid. 

Danny didn’t break away, but followed you, chasing you. Not wanting to let you go for even a second. You had each other stripped unbelievably fast, a total blur, and a meshing of flesh. Your brain couldn’t catch up to the movements you were making. 

Hooking your legs around his hips, you couldn’t wait another minute. “Danny, please. I need you, now. Please,” it was breathless and moaned out, your cunt throbbing with pleasure as you tried to get him in you as fast as you could. 

His fingers pinched your chin, forcing your eyes to connect with his as he slid into you. Your eyes slammed shut, mouth falling agape, not a single noise emitting from you. He refused to move another inch until your eyes reopened and connected with his.

“Eyes on me, sweet girl.” You froze at the term of endearment, but you had no time to dwell on it because he continued his motions further, shutting up any thoughts you could’ve had. It was slow, unrushed, but deep, warming you from your head to toes. 

It was something you couldn’t have even begun to think was possible. Something you had only seen in those stupid ass movies where the actress sees stars behind her eyes as her finish washes over her. It was even more intense for you, all muscles seizing and contorting in waves of pleasure you had never known were possible. Something you had only read in romance novels where you could feel the emotions crashing into you with every thrust of his hips as he chased his own release. His body trembled like he was rocked by an earth shattering earthquake, silencing his moans into your awaiting mouth.

Bodies stuck together with sweat, sweeping his curls from his eyes, you were seeing the deep brown swirls peering down at you in awe. Like this was a dream he was having. Needing to be told that this was true and real. That the threshold had been crossed between you two in ways you had never imagined could have. 

His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, scared to look away from you and take in the scene around him. Your hands still held his cheeks in your warm hands, tugging him back towards you and connecting in a slow kiss. 

You didn’t have much time, hurrying to redress after realizing that all of your closest friends were downstairs, probably waiting for you since this was your party. It was silent except for the noise echoing downstairs. Moving towards the door, you grabbed Danny’s wrist to stop him from leaving. 

Placing a chaste kiss on his cheek, you whispered, the door opened just a crack, “Thank you, Danny.” You slipped out before he could respond, leaving him stunned and rooted to his spot to figure out what had just happened. 

You didn’t see or hear from Danny for the next week. You weren’t sure you were supposed to be hearing from him. What was the protocol now? The longer the week went on without so much as a peep from him, you called Connor. 

He reluctantly showed up, a knock out drag out fight to end the fucked up relationship that this had been. He had hardly put up much of a fight with regards to your relationship ending, but more on the part of how horribly he had treated you. You were entirely exhausted by the end of the night, Connor long since gone, but your body ached.

Craving the person you had never thought you would want in such a way. Not understanding why he wouldn’t want to call you. He had called you sweet girl. You had stared at the notecard from the flowers every single night since then. Was he lying just to get you into bed? No, that wasn’t Danny.

Was it?

Your fist collided with the wood, repeatedly hitting it until the door finally pulled open. A confused Danny stood on the other side, discontent dissipating as he saw who was making the ruckus at his home. It didn’t last very long because he could see the fury painted on your face.

Not uttering a word, he moved to let you enter his house. Storming in, you threw your coat onto the back of the couch, arms crossed soundly over your chest. He faced you, not wanting to overstep by speaking first. It was obvious you had come with a purpose, he didn’t want to take away from that.

“Why don’t you love me?” It came sure and strong. More of a declaration than a question. His features morphed to one of shock at your question. Looking around at his surroundings, he turned in a small circle, a breathless chuckle leaving him. “You have got to be kidding me. Goldie, are you serious?” 

Refusing to back down, you only nodded. “For fucks sake, I’m in love with you! I’ve been in love with you for I don’t know how long. I thought you hated me, why would I risk telling you a damn thing when you acted like you did towards me?”

Fuck. You had fucked up. You recognized that now as you stood here seeing the emotions waft over his features and eyes, tumbling out in a pure confession. “I-I don’t know.” You mumbled, unsure of what else you could say. 

“I’m so in love with you that I was willing to take the shitty ‘relationship’ we had because it was better than nothing. It was you interacting with me and talking to me. I needed at least that.” Your eyes welled with tears as he continued on, feeling your soul rip apart as the realization of horribly you had treated him dawned on you. 

How could you not have seen this?

“And I had to watch you throw yourself into something you of all people did not deserve. Do you know how miserable that was for us? What I had to do to keep that fucker in check?” Your tears cascaded down your cheeks, but you shook your head, not understanding. “Wha-what?”

Danny’s hands were planted on his hips, head shaking as he replayed all of those encounters in his mind. “It-it doesn’t matter. I should’ve done that a long time ago. I don’t regret it. And I do love you, goldie. I do.”

Your hand reached into your pocket and pulled out the note, crossing the room to hand it to him. He took it gingerly from you, not looking you in the eye as he did. “Did you send the flowers to my work, Danny?” 

Nodding his head, you didn’t hesitate or waste another minute, throwing yourself into his embrace. His lips were on yours instantly, tasting the salty tears that coated your face, but he didn’t care and neither did you. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry,” you babbled through more tears, but he shook his head, holding your face in his hands, wanting you to look at him.

“We have nothing but time, sweet girl. Nothing but time.” You nodded, pulling him towards you once more, savoring the electric currents that flowed through you at the connection with him. The same connection that you had thought was once only a work of fiction. A sales tactic, but no. 

What they say is true. It all makes sense once the person that was made for you is standing next to you, ready to face it all. Nothing worries you anymore because there’s nothing to fear as long as they’re with you. 

[allllium]

Evil Mastermind - Chapter 1

~ Where James becomes cupid to push You and Remus into confessing your feelings

~ A little shorter than I wanted but they will get longer

~ Fluff w/ very little to no angst WC: 1,024

No. No. No. This can't be happening. This has to be some kind of joke. You love James. Definitely. But not like that. There is nothing worse than one of your best guy friends having a crush on you. What are you supposed to do now?

Only an hour before this current freak out, James admitted his feelings for you. How did this happen? He's been obsessed with Lily since first year and now he suddenly wants you??

None of this makes sense but you can't think of any possible reasons why James would lie to you about something like this.

These thoughts run through your head as you leave James and sprint over to the boys dorm.

After letting James down as nicely as you could, you ran up to his dorm to find Remus. Yes, you're close friends with all the marauders but Remus is by far the one your closest with. Something about him is way more comforting than the other boys you're constantly with.

Barging into the dorms, forgetting to knock, you're met with both Remus and Peter. They both turn to look at you in surprise at your sudden entrance.

“Are you alright?” Peter asks, noting the panicked look on your face.

The only things to come out of your mouth are more unintelligible noises than actual words but they express every emotion you're feeling perfectly.

“What happened, Angel?” You take a deep breath at Remus's concerned tone.

“James has a crush on me?” You phrase it as a question, not fully believing the situation. Remus makes a face of disgust as he turns to face you. Peter on the other hand doesn't look surprised.

“What? He's never mentioned that.”

“I know! What has the world come to?” You basically throw myself on Remus’s bed and run your hands over your face.

“What are you gonna do?” Remus moves to lay next to you on his bed. Peter still hasn't a word, too busy trying not to laugh at yoru dramatic antics.

“I have no idea.” You exclaim. “I don't want to hurt our friendship but he's James.”

“What does that mean?” Peter finally pipes in. Looking at you in a confused manner.

“I just mean we're close friends and he's definitely not my type.”

“So what is your type?” Peter questions you again, a grin on his face. You ignore him. The last thing you want to do today is admit that your type is the scar-faced boy lying next to yyo.

“What did he say when you let him down?” Remus's words pull your eyes off Peter's suspicious smile.

“He said I know but I just had to tell you. Then he winked at me.” That does not seem like the behavior of someone who “knows”.

“That's weird.” Peter points out.

“Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.”

“Well I'm sure he'll get over it soon.” Remus attempts to comfort you. Realistically you know, but there's that one thought in your head telling you something's off about this.

“I know what you can do.” You turn your head at lightning speed to hear the rest of Peter's suspicious statement. One thing you've noticed since becoming friends with Peter is that he's a very suspicious person. Even when he doesn't mean to.

“What is it?” Remus beats you to the question.

“You two could pretend to date. James will immediately lose feelings for you if you're dating his best friend.” What the fuck. That doesn't make any sense.

“I feel like there's something much more normal we can do.” The boy from your right complains.

“Yeah I agree. Peter, that's weird, it would never work.”

“Yes it would, James is very oblivious. It would work perfectly.” He's not wrong. Weird plans always work well when it comes to James. But still, fake dating Remus would go wrong in so many ways. “Great. While you two mull that over I'm gonna be somewhere else.”

You and Remus stay silent in thought as Peter leaves the room. Both thinking over the possibilities.

“That would never work right? James can't be that dumb.” You ask.

“I don't know. He didn't notice Dorcus and Marlene dating for months.” He points out. You forgot about that. He had no idea they were together even though they held hands and kissed in front of him all the time. He said he didn't want to question it.

“That's true but we're his best friends obviously he's gonna notice something is wrong.”

“Maybe or maybe not.”

“I don't know Rem. I don't know if I'm okay lying to everyone.” What happens when they all find out we faked it. They're gonna be mad that we lied and call out how crazy we are for thinking it could work.

“It wouldn't be lying, just exaggerating the truth.” What truth? There is no truth about us fake dating.

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing nevermind.”

“Okay uh. We should think about it. Overnight. I'm tired.” You tell him, trying to seem as calm as possible. Like today hasn't been the weirdest day ever.

“That's a good idea, I'm tired too.” He agrees.

“Okay great. See you in the morning.”

“Yeah goodnight.” He says, a little rushed.

You don't respond. Simply giving him a small nod and basically running out of his dorm.

Of course while leaving the boys dorm you bump into Sirius.

“Oh sorry.” You apologize softly, quickly moving out of his way. He gives you a sly smile and heads into the dorm.

What the fuck is wrong with everyone today? Was there something in the breakfast this morning?

You shake the thoughts out of your head and continue your way back to your dorm. Hoping at least one of your roommates will be there for you to rant to.

Of course no one's there. Why would the world want to give me one good thing today? Ughhhh this just keeps getting worse.

After walking the room in a few circles, you decide to fall onto your bed and pass out. Tomorrow will be better. Well it might actually be worse but you refuse to believe that right now.

James and Peter being matchmakers >>>>

Divider by @saradika

[lizstory]

The mistake

Satoru Gojo x Fem reader

Warning: angst, death, slight ish spoilers? Not really

Wordcount: 1.3k

What happened to you was only a mistake



————————

Dating in the sorcerer world was always deemed scandalous, especially with Gojo Satoru. The one and only legend himself, the strongest sorcerer. It was never forbidden for him to date, but with all the responsibilities he carried, it was nearly impossible. That was until he met you.

You weren’t, say, the strongest out of the bunch, but your healing abilities were unmatchable. You were still, however, a sorcerer who went on missions but acted as the nurse. Though it was never a rule, the higher-ups never put you on special-grade missions. You’d either heal the injured people as they returned or work as a first responder in bigger missions with groups of sorcerers.

Gojo knew this much and refused to let you come along with him on his missions, even the small ones where he’d be a supervisor. He enjoyed having his personal nurse waiting for him at home.

He laid in bed, your body curled next to him. The size difference always made him smile. He loved that he could tower over you, acting like a shield. He played with your fingers, rubbing gently across your palm.

“It's nice to have a day off,” He mumbled into your hair.

You smiled, beginning to respond, but were interrupted by his phone ringing. “Spoke too soon”

He groaned, wanting to let the call go by and stay in this moment, to stay with you. But that wasn’t the case. Not when you weren’t here.

“Gojo,” Nanami called, his voice ringing in Gojo’s ear. “Did you oversleep again?”. He grew concerned for his friend. Ever since he lost his love, he hasn’t been the same. He’s refused to go on missions the higher-ups assign him, resulting in multiple lives being taken.

Gojo grumbled, still hazy from the too-realistic dream. “What do you need, Nanami?”

“The higher-ups need you.”

“And tell them I need Y/n back.” He immediately ended the call. His head pounded, the consequences of last night's drinking finally dawning on him. His elbows dug into the mattress; pushing himself up, he stared at the empty side of his bed. The side you’d always sleep in. Your figure still wrinkled the sheets. Somehow, that simple detail helped him sleep.

Slowly, you disappeared not only from the world but from his mind. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew how fast he’d forget you if he drank, but the pain was too much. You weren’t supposed to be there that day. It was supposed to be him that people mourned, not him mourning.

“Satoru, calm down,” You sighed, clenching his hand. You two had been arguing for the past thirty minutes about you attending a special grade mission with him.

“Why did they even assign you with me?” He groaned, his hands running through his hair. It was better than hitting or going straight to the higher-ups and hitting them. “You aren’t a sorcerer.”

The once happiness that filled your chest was gone. Gojo might not have agreed with these arrangements, but it was one of the best things that happened. You were seen as the weakest, and now the higher-ups are noticing that you can do more just for Gojo to rip it away.

“I am a sorcerer.” Your voice dropped an octave, either from hurt or anger. That much wasn’t clear at the moment. “Or am I just not your idea of what a sorcerer is?”

His hand came to yours. “You know what I mean.”

You pulled away, stunned that not only your friend but your lover could think this low of you. “Frankly I don’t.”

He sighed, squeezing your hand. “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

A small smile cracked against your lips. It was hard to stay mad at Gojo. He was a caring person, protected the ones he loved, charismatic and thoughtful, and those were just a few things that made you fall so deeply for him.

“I promise I’ll be ok.”

That smile. He knew that it was dangerous and knew what the possible outcomes could be, but he could never say no to that smile. “Ok”

But Gojo should have known. He never gets the things he wants, not after how much he fought for them. Knew that he could never be happy. Not when he's Gojo Satoru.

He carried your body to Shoko. She was practically desensitized to the dead, but your body? No, she needed a second to process your presence there. You were a kind soul, and now this earth had to carry on without you. Her bottom lip quivered at your curse technique markings slowly fading. She knew what those markings meant.

“What happened?” She asked, not entirely sure if she wanted to know the truth.

“She used what little life she had left to save me,” Gojo choked as he stared at your peaceful face.

Shoko took a deep breath. “She died saving who she loved.” it was a reminder for him, not her.

He left the one instantly. He didn’t want to see what she would do with you. Either way, he needed to have a small talk with the higher-ups. He was in pain, and they put him there. It was the same story, different time. He was forced to watch yet another loved one leave his life, forced to watch them take their last breath. And in every story, it was his fault. It was his fault when he was 18, and it was his fault now.

He burst into the meeting room. It didn’t matter who was in there, how important they were, or how much he needed to respect them. He wanted answers. “Why!” He yelled

Masamichi sighed. He was one of the first to hear the tragic news of your passing, so he knew at some point Gojo would be coming. “Satoru,” He mumbled, his voice treading carefully around the grieving boy. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Why’d you send her with me?” His voice only grew louder, and yet everyone didn’t seem to be in shock. They had to witness this same scenario.

Masamichi stayed silent. He knew Gojo deserved the truth. “It was either you or her.”

Numb, that was the only way to describe what he had felt. His body went stiff, his brain yelling at him to do so many things, but all he could do was stare. Not again, not the ultimatum. It was always him or them. Every chance he was given, he fought so hard to save them, fought so hard to save what he treasured. He was strong enough to save the world but couldn’t keep his world.

Why’d the universe always have to choose him…

“You knew she wouldn’t make it?” He whispered, his vision bluring with every blink

“Think of it as collateral damage.”

He turned too quickly, not pinpointing which mouth those foul words were said from. He only leaped for the nearest old man.

Gojo stood at your grave, the rain dripping down the engraved stone. Of course, he wasn’t getting soaked at all. He always had his infinity on. He learned his lesson, only if it didn’t have to come to another life lost for it to get through his head.

“I’m so sorry,” He mumbled, wanting so much to hold you, just to touch you one last time. He needed it. You were the one thing that kept him human. Took care of him when that was the last thing on his mind. You were the person he couldn’t sleep without. Your scent was the only thing that brought him comfort; your touch gave him life, your smile gave him reason, and your love gave him hope. You were his entire world, and you were gone. How could he ever continue without you?

"I love you."

[gabessquishytum]

Dream's husband is trying to kill him, Hob has been hired by Dream's family to protect him.

Instead of doing the job as a typical body guard (standing behind the principal, sunglasses & ear pieces), Hob goes in as Dream's besotted hot ass boy toy.

Dream is already on the outs with his husband (obviously with the hit and all) and they don't wanted tip off the husband & assassins that Hob is protection or that they know about the hit at all.

The hardest part is figuring out wear to hide his gun in the skimpy clothes he has to wear to sell the bit(; the easiest part was kissing on Dream & "pretending" to be into him).

The hardest part, for Hob, is having to leave someone he's fallen hard for at the end of the job; the hardest part for Dream is watching Hob get hurt protecting him,,,,,,,loving Hob is easy.

Ajahdhdhah I'm imagining Hob taking one look at Dream when they meet to discuss his protection and saying "Right, well, I NEED to pretend to be your lover. It's 100% necessary to keep you safe. Also this needs to be as realistic as possible." And he immediately whips out the tightest salmon pink shorts you've ever seen, and transforms himself into the ultimate boytoy lover. Dream is standing there with his mouth open wishing that he could have met Hob in literally any other circumstance than one where he's about to be murderer.

After that they're together 24/7. Hob moves himself in (much to the chagrin of Dream’s husband,,, suddenly there's an obstacle to him poisoning Dream’s cocktail). He keeps vigil over Dream in the night, even cuddles him through his nightmares. They get really, really close.

But Dream is like, "you don't love me, you just love the idea of me," and Hob can't convince him otherwise. Nothing he says seems to persuade Dream that he's actually loved and valued as he is. That someone would actually want him.

And then Hob takes a bullet for him. And that kind of alters things. Dream’s husband is arrested for conspiracy to murder. Hob is laid up with a hole in his shoulder, but he's still grinning when Dream comes to visit him with a big stuffed toy duck as a gift. He's maybe starting to believe that Hob likes him? A bit?

A bit is definitely an underestimation of how much Hob loves Dream at this point, but he's willing to wait for Dream to catch up. He's got like 3 months of physiotherapy. He's hoping that his doctors will add "kissing Dream and making him feel loved" to his exercise list <333

[forestshadow-wolf]

I think when soap and ghost retire - if they retire - years and years down the line they'd adopt a little girl. They always liked the idea of adopting. Simon vowed that if he ever got the chance, he'd give whatever child or children they had the best life possible, They'd never have to go though what he did, he'd protect his family. And soap always wanted a kid or two. Maybe not quite as many as his parents, but he loved the idea of one day having children, even if he knew it would have wait for future soap if ever.

They couldn't not adopt her.

Not when they'd walked in to that building with zero expectations, well, maybe they expected the sight of two big burly men to be a bit intimidating, to the younger kids at least.

The older kids, whom they'd met first, seemed intrigued at first, but they asked seeing as how they were old enough to make complex decisions. It turned out that they were mostly just interested by the new people to meet, they were about ready to age out of the system at that point and they all knew. They talked for a bit, got to know everyone as people, and provided phone numbers when they parted incase any of them got into trouble or wanted to stay in contact.

Then when it came to meeting the little kids, they were pretty shy as expected. All except for one little girl, maybe 5 or 6, with a faded pink bunny-blankie wrapped in one arm. She marched right up to them, and asked if they'd attend her tea party, she had two empty seats to fill. She said her name was Maizee.

An they knew right then that she was gonna be their's.

The would like to say that it was a breeze to get adoption in order. But realistically they're two very traumatized, gay military men, the system does not favor them. There were many processes and hoops to jump through, but they got there eventually.

They spoil Maizee so bad, she gets only the best, but they make sure to teach her kindness and about the real world. They protect her but don't shelter her.

She becomes ghost's baby girl, and soaps sweetheart, they both call her bug because she's their little luvbug. Ghost becomes daddy, and soap is pops. Her first partner had to get The Talk(tm) from daddy and pops. They didn't care who she dated, just as long as they treated her good. She just rolled her eyes and said not to take any of ot to heart, especially since they all knew she could take care of herself.

The three of them stayed close, even through her rebellious teenage phase. They understood that she needed to be able to find herself. So instead of banning her from doing the dangerous stuff she would inevitably do without their permission anyway, they taught her how to do it safely, and they taught her how to protect herself, and how to get help if she ever needed, and reminded her that they would always come get her no questions asked if she needed.

[dukeofankh]

The idea that men having unrealistic beauty standards for women comes from them watching pornography has always struck me as like, laughably and obviously wrong. That's...where I honestly saw the most representation and celebration of "unconventional" beauty? And not in a "everyone is beautiful" positivity post way, with raw, unfiltered, honest hunger for things men are assumed to find repulsive. When I met women with saggy breasts irl I wasn't like "oh no! What's wrong with them? They're not supposed to be affected by gravity..." I was like, "Oh dope, these are some of my favourite kinds of tits".

Some people can get into bubbles, sure. But it's not a porn issue. You honestly don't have to look that far. There is a media industry built entirely off of dangerously dishonest representations of women's bodies... it's just the regular fucking film industry.

Let's say I wanna see a legit, actual fat woman being the centre of attention, and being portrayed as devastatingly attractive. Please, by all means, what Hollywood films should I watch? You might come up with a few examples, maybe. But I listen when my fat friends talk, I know how shit rep is for fat women. Can I go to the theatre and be more confident than a coin flip's chance that the movie I see will even acknowledge or portray the existence of fat women? Because I can find thousands of examples of that in porn in seconds. It's an entire fucking genre. The dudes that you presume have a monolithic and universal hatred of rolls of fat have a pretty sizeable wing that will honestly get fucking apoplectic in the comments if someone is described as fat who's merely chubby.

Can you honestly, with a straight fucking face, tell me that I can go to the theatre right now, pick a random movie, and be at all likely to see a movie with a woman with even one (1) hair on her body below her eyebrows? There is plenty of porn with totally hairless women, some of which is super fuckin gross about it, sure. But like, doesn't matter how "gritty and realistic" a movie is, I'm more likely to see a corpse than an armpit hair in a movie theatre. By comparison, there are legit mainstream porn performers who do regular, mainstream scenes with a bush, hairy armpits, all of it. It's not uncommon. It's not hard to find. And it's...the point? It's hot? It's not just fine, it's not there to demonstrate how artistic the movie is being, it's hot.

There is definitely tons of porn built around showing the most conventionally attractive women possible, but proportionally, compared to mainstream films, porn has way more varied body representation. You take two guys, lock them in a room, and show one nothing but Hollywood movies and the other nothing but porn, one of those guys would react with surprise/horror when presented with an average naked woman, and it's not the one who's been watching porn. Like, porn is about wanting to fuck people. Wanting to fuck all sorts of people. In order to do that, you kinda have to...show all sorts of people? If you want to make porn about, "Hey, what if you could have sex with that fat mom" or "what if your sisters chubby goth friend wanted to sit her totally untrimmed bush right on your face," a porn studio is just gonna...get someone who fits that body type. They're not gonna rewrite her as someone thin or put her in a fatsuit. And there's sizeable genres built entirely around body types that are basically banned from existing as anything more than a joke or a tragedy in mainstream film.

Where does that leave us? Do you have to love porn now? Include it in your next moodboard about positive representation? No. I understand why that level of sexualization and fetishization isn't actually comfortable for plenty of people. I'm not trying to convince you that it's good.

I'm trying to tell you that even if you have really negative feelings about gross dudes or the porn industry in general, our fucked up beauty standards for women have so much more to do with mainstream cinema than they ever have, or ever will have, to do with porn.