#i hope this conveys what i'm trying to say lol

[just-watching-dont-worry]

the one real benefit from mobile tumblr is that wherever you are you get to see when your moots post. so you don't have to wait to like and reblog it. it's like "fuck yea, that's my little internet friend right there :D"

[gureumz]

project aphrodite

rating: explicit

member: jungwon

premise: in a post-apocalyptic world, you and jungwon are excellent scientists and are at the relative top of the list of people who are ideal parents for the next generation of this dying world. it's now your job to repopulate this earth so you ask your co-worker to pretty please knock you up.

notes: sci-fi elements, dystopian au, scientist!reader, scientist!jungwon, fem-bodied reader, reader is referred to as a woman, dom!jungwon, breeding, impreg kink (like heavily), dirty talk, platonic (?) breeding, co-workers with benefits (?), idk this is kinda speculative fiction but also suspend your disbelief a bit lol

a/n: first of my 1k follower special! not quite sure what order i'm following here but i hope you stay for the ride nonetheless! enjoy!

it's a strange feeling.

in your line of work, 'strange' is hardly any cause for concern. as a biologist with a concentration in genetics, you've seen all the ways nature does its job. from the familiar concepts almost all people learn about in science class like the basic 'mom-meets-dad-equals-baby' to the eerie methods organisms in the deep sea evolve to survive.

you've learned about it all, pored over each punnett square, stressed over the formulas. so, this shouldn't be anything to worry about.

and yet, you're still worried.

"i mean...what did we expect?" jay speaks up from beside you, eyeing the phone in his hand.

"we're presently some of the world's most brilliant minds so...," he adds, locking his phone before hunching over his desk. to your ears, it sounds as if he's trying to convince himself rather than you.

you scan over the document flashed on your own laptop screen. the harsh fluorescent lights overhead buzz nonstop, going on and on, a background hum all of you in the bunker have grown used to. at this moment, it lulls you into a daydream, vision swimming as you repeat the words in your head.

all government personnel with a status level 7 and higher are recommended to partake in project aphrodite. those falling under level 10 are strictly required. participation at this level is compulsory.

common citizens with a status of 9 to 10 are also required to participate. ample compensation for those successful will be provided.

"you're a level 8. it's not as if you have to," you mutter, fingers digging into your temples.

jay snickers. "how many level 10 government personnel are there in this ruined world? a few hundred or so doctors, another few hundred scientists, even fewer world leaders. that's not taking into account the difference in sex. my information's not up to date but last time i checked, there is a hell of a lot more men than there are women. it's a shitshow waiting to happen."

you turn to meet jay's eyes, not meaning to convey any certain emotion, but the way jay's expression falls leads you to believe that you look way more upset than you're letting on.

"oh shit, yeah," jay curses. "you're a level 10. i forgot."

you sigh, tilting your head back against the headrest of your seat.

"i'm sure they'll release more regulation soon," you begin. "this is just the initial memo. with our world hanging in the balance as it is, no one's gonna let this devolve into some patriarchal anarchy, i hope."

"yeah, of course," you hear jay agree. "most of the proponents of project aphrodite are women, anyway, so i'm sure they'll take extra measures to keep you safe."

you sit up straight, looking at jay once more. "this is the world, huh?"

you and jay pause before sharing a quick chuckle.

"'go make babies, or else,'" you say in a mock radio announcer voice. jay lets out a laugh, his voice echoing off the empty office walls.

the two of you fall into silence, as if retreating to your respective thoughts. all that's in your mind at this moment is your current project, the very thing the few people more powerful than you had assigned for you to do: leading your team in stopping that godforsaken virus ravaging the outside. you've been making steady progress so far, but with the weight of this new responsibility, you're not sure if you could keep the momentum up.

you realize with a passing thought that most of the scientists on your team are level 9s and 10s.

"well," you begin before you could stop yourself. you're suddenly overcome with a feeling of suffocation, the office space seemingly too small and continuously growing even smaller.

"i hope you find someone you'd like to procreate with," you say lightly, pushing yourself off your chair. you quickly gather your things: folders and binders and other loose papers in your arms.

you catch jay looking at you, a pensive look on his face. you stop as you're grabbing your reusable coffee jug.

"no," you deadpan. "not me."

jay's eyes widen, as if realizing he'd said something without really saying anything.

"i—no, wait—i mean...," jay stutters, ears quickly turning red.

you smile, patting jay's shoulder reassuringly. "in case you were thinking about it."

jay's mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water and you can't help but laugh.

"these are desperate times, but i'm hoping it's not too desperate," you add. without waiting for a response, you turn towards the door, already making your way to it.

"besides, dr. isa lee seems more your type," you say over your shoulder one last time before pushing the door open and stepping out into the hallway.

---

"hey."

you look up from the microscope, tearing your attention away from the specimen you were examining. your eyes readjust to their normal focal length as a tall figure enters the lab, perfectly crisp white coat hanging off his broad shoulders, thin-wired spectacles resting on the bridge of his tall, straight nose. your lips feel strangely parched as he makes direct eye contact with you and you're left with no choice but to moisten them with your tongue.

"oh hi, dr. yang."

the other scientist chuckles, setting down a stack of papers on a desk in the corner. "i've been here for three weeks. please, call me jungwon."

you swallow. "right. jungwon."

dr. jungwon yang was a new import from the seoul bunker, having come to your own area's bunker merely a few weeks prior. he was immediately put under your supervision, an addition to your already elite team of biologists, geneticists, and virologists. off the bat, you could tell he was a man of many talents, coming up with unconventional solutions and arriving at answers quicker than anyone else.

his presence in your lab made your heart swell. in pride, adoration, or desire, you're not quite sure.

"uh, yesterday's results are in that binder over there, in case you want to go over them," you begin. jungwon walks over to your side of the long table, peering over the slide loaded into the microscope.

ignoring the way he brushes ever so slightly against you, you continue. "the director's dropping by later this afternoon, but i wouldn't be too bothered with that. he's just looking for someone to blame for the slow progress at this point. if only they could get us those materials we asked for..."

"have you read the memo?" jungwon asks abruptly, straightening up. he towers over you, his eyes downcast as he stares at your face.

"of course, you've read the memo," jungwon corrects himself, chuckling. "what i meant was...what do you think of it?"

"it's a government-issued memo, it hardly matters what i think," you respond, focusing back on your work in front of you, although all you do is stare blankly at the moving microorganisms, mind unfocused with how much of jungwon's perfume you can smell.

"it's your reproductive health that's on the line. i'm pretty sure your opinion counts for something," jungwon says with a pinch in between his eyebrows.

oh, a feminist. that's even hotter.

"okay, yeah. i appreciate the new guidelines they put out," you admit, looking back up at jungwon. "though it's the bare minimum, i'm glad they're letting us keep the autonomy of choosing who to...boink."

jungwon laughs at that.

"and free fertility drugs for anyone who wants or needs it. oh, also, thank god they didn't have the brilliant idea of putting a time limit on it. having read some crazy speculative fiction myself, the things people are willing to do in fiction are crazy. who's to say they can't do the same in real life?" you continue.

you don't notice the way jungwon's smirk grows as he listens.

"kind of makes the whole thing unsexy, don't you think?" jungwon cuts in, raising an eyebrow. you blink, unsure of what he's talking about.

"i'm surprised they're not monitoring us with cameras and hooking us up to EKGs and shit," he adds.

"oh," you say with a soft giggle, finally catching on. "i'm sure some people are into being watched."

"are you?" jungwon asks.

"am i what?" you answer.

"into being watched."

a pause.

you shake your head. "how about you?"

"oh no," jungwon says. "i prefer to keep what's mine for my eyes only."

"hm. possessive. that's kind of sexy," you mumble under your breath, a sudden surge of confidence coursing through you.

jungwon just stares at you, but you can see his pupils dance in amusement, taking in your whole face and all your features. you might have imagined it but he seemed to have peeked down at your chest for a second.

"do you think it's attractive for someone to be into lego-building? or at least, used to be into it. i'd give an arm and a leg for a complete lego set nowadays," jungwon asks, leaning against the table, and only now do you notice the veins running over the back of his hands.

you think about whether his arms are just as veiny.

"do you think it's a good trait to pass on an offspring? lego-building, i mean," he presses on.

"uh, yeah. good problem-solving skills," you answer, humoring his question.

jungwon nods. "do you think leadership skills are important?"

you smile, leaning against the cabinet opposite jungwon. you nudge his foot lightly. "i lead a team of scientists myself. of course, i think leadership skills are important."

"you and i both," jungwon agrees.

jungwon shifts, placing his hands in the pockets of his lab coat.

"how about dimples? do you think dimples are cute?" jungwon asks once more, one corner of his mouth upturned. a deep crease on his cheek appears.

a dimple.

"very," you admit.

"i see."

there's a silence that stretches over the two of you, and the weight of uncertainty is daunting as you stare at a spot on jungwon's tie. finally, after a few seconds, you heave a sigh, unable to take the tension any longer.

"this is the weirdest way anyone has ever flirted with me," you declare, looking up at jungwon through your lashes. he's grinning and you nearly shiver at how utterly attractive you're finding him at this moment.

"but it's effective," jungwon says. that was a statement, not a question.

you tilt your head to the side. "how do you know?"

"because you would have blown me off two minutes ago if it wasn't," jungwon reasons, crossing his arms. by doing this, he just made himself appear even wider than he is.

"always so calculated," you say, impressed.

you stretch your neck, easing your head from side to side, watching as jungwon fixes his gaze on the taut tendons of your neck. "are you also this precise in bed, dr. yang?"

jungwon approaches, a large hand resting on your hip. "that's for you to find out."

your breath hitches as you feel his thumb rub through the fabric of your skirt.

"later?" he asks.

"my place or yours?" you reply, fingertips grazing the front of his polo. you can just about feel the slope and ridges of his toned muscles.

"i'd like to be a gentleman, so mine," jungwon offers. "i'll walk you back to your room after."

"i was kind of hoping i wouldn't need to walk back after," you say, a hint of teasing in your voice.

"is that a challenge?" jungwon says, his other hand pressing firmly on your lower back. he pulls you to him and your hands involuntarily reach out towards his shoulders to steady yourself.

a few seconds pass before any of you speak again.

"that's for you to find out," you say.

---

"kind of weird, isn't it?" jungwon asks, panting against your neck.

your back is pressed firmly against one wall of his sleeping quarters, a wide, loft-like room, similar to yours. a luxury offered only to level 10 government personnel, the room gives its occupants enough space and enough privacy.

and boy, did you need privacy.

"what's weird?" you say breathily, fingers threading through jungwon's hair as he kisses down the column of your neck. his fingers nimbly undo the buttons of your blouse and you whimper when you feel him lick at the valley between your breasts.

"coming up to coworkers or friends then asking them to reproduce with you," jungwon responds, tugging your blouse off of your shoulders.

(you both held enough respect for the institution that employed you both, so your work lab coats were neatly thrown over the back of jungwon's couch before anything got too frisky.)

"see, it's the way you say it that makes it weird," you giggle. you pull jungwon back up to your face, kissing him fervently, tongue licking into his mouth.

"oh yeah? how would you say it?" jungwon challenges as he pulls away slightly, his nose grazing your cheek. he licks a stripe on the underside of your jaw.

"please, jungwon," you whimper, playing up the whine in your voice just a little bit. "need you to knock me up. make me pregnant, please."

jungwon grunts in your ear, reaching behind you to rip the zipper of your skirt down. you let the fabric fall to the floor, stepping out of it quickly, revealing the matching red lace panties you had in tandem with your bra.

"yeah? want me to cum inside you so many times that there won't even be the tiniest chance that you're not pregnant?" jungwon says lowly, kneading one of your boobs in his hands.

you nod, hooking a leg around jungwon's hip, pushing your core right up against the bulge in his pants.

"yes," you breathe out, dragging your clothed pussy over his straining cock. "let's be good citizens and have a whole bunch of kids, yeah?"

jungwon chuckles, hands hurriedly working on his belt. you take this time to kiss up his neck, still rutting against him, desperate for any contact.

"come here," jungwon says through gritted teeth as his pants and boxers fall to the floor. he kicks them off unceremoniously, yanking you towards the couch. your eyes briefly catch the flash of white that were your lab coats.

the two of you fall onto the cushiony surface, with jungwon sitting up and you falling a little less gracefully on him. the two of you laugh as you adjust yourself, righting your posture so you could look at jungwon.

"take this off," jungwon commands, pulling at your panties. you swing off jungwon for a moment, pulling off the garment in record time. you reposition yourself over jungwon, his cock standing tall, hard, and painfully red.

"come on, show me how bad you want those kids," jungwon teases, tucking your hair behind your ear.

you roll your eyes. "you gotta help with the diapers."

a second later, you sink down on jungwon, moaning wantonly at how much he stretches you out, filling you up effortlessly. jungwon throws his head back, his bottom lip pinched between his teeth.

"i'll quit my fucking job at the lab if this is how good it feels to make babies with you," jungwon groans, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips.

you whimper at his words, rocking back and forth on his lap. you angle your hips a certain way, the tip of his cock kissing at just the perfect spot inside you. you shudder, repeating your movement.

"god, you feel amazing," jungwon praises. "so warm, so tight."

"yeah," you respond. you're gliding up and down his cock, swiveling your hips as fast as you can. you clench down around him, the thought of jungwon cumming inside you your only motivation.

"filling me up so good," you add, watching as jungwon screws his eyes shut, neck shiny with sweat.

you move forward, attaching your lips just below jungwon's ear. you suckle on the salty skin, running your tongue over the spot, savoring the way jungwon lets a moan rip out of him.

"gotta let the whole bunker know this one's mine," you whisper as you let up on jungwon's neck. a faint red spot is left in the wake of your lips on his skin.

in a blink of an eye, your whole world tumbles upside down, jungwon's hands forcing you down on the couch by your waist. in a daze, you realize that jungwon has you pinned under him, his eyes wild with a hungry look in them. he pushes your legs right up against your chest, lining himself up with your entrance.

"the moment you start showing, no one in this goddamn bunker will have a single doubt who gave you that baby," jungwon counters, thrusting into you. he gives you no time to adjust, picking up where you left off.

you cry out, trying to anchor yourself on anything your hands can find. eventually, you find purchase in jungwon's shoulders. he feels your nails digging in, and he mutters a soft 'fuck', speeding up his movements, the wet sounds of his skin slapping against yours so incredibly obscene in the confined space of his room.

"give it to me, please," you say, meeting jungwon's eyes as he continues to fuck into you. his forehead is creased, a look of concentration washing over his face.

"cum inside, fill me up as many times as you want, fuck it deep in me," you continue, cradling jungwon's face in your hands, the tender gesture a contrast to how rough he's bein.

"god," jungwon groans, voice breaking at the end as he speeds up, but then he halts abruptly, his mouth hanging open in a silent moan. you feel him twitch inside you and you gasp, clenching down as hard as you can.

"fuck, yes, milk it all out," jungwon says. he starts to thrust up into you again, watching as his cock is slowly coated with his cum spreading all over your cushy walls.

you whine, your fingers finding their way down to your cunt, your middle and ring finger pressing onto your clit. you rub at it ferociously, the idea of jungwon's sticky release inside of you turning you on impossibly.

"i'm getting hard again, jesus christ," jungwon complains but his movements don't cease. he's shaking from the overstimulation but he wraps his arms around you, pulling your limp form up against him.

"rub that pretty pussy for me, babe," jungwon requests, thrusting up into you shallowly.

"make yourself cum while i fill you up for a second time."

---

"so?"

you jump a little at the sudden intrusion. you look up at jungwon through both of your reflections in your bathroom mirror. three pregnancy tests lie in a neat line on the edge of the sink.

"i just started the timer, jungwon," you reply with a laugh. jungwon turns you around to face him, kissing you briefly.

"hm," you say, looking up at jungwon questioningly. "you never kiss me unless you want something."

"well," jungwon begins, hands slipping under your sweater. "we can always kill time while we wait for the results."

you shake your head, but you're already pressing yourself up against jungwon. "you're insatiable, dr. yang."

jungwon winks at you, undoing your bra under your shirt. "you know it."

"plus, you just look too good in this damn lab coat."

[moonstruckme]

hey :)) first off, i love the hozier caption in your bio. second, I’ve been reading so many of your fics recently and i think you’re sooo talented! i wanna be like you when I grow up (im 20 almost 21 lol)

anyways, I’ve never really requested anything but i wanna give it a try. I was wondering if you could do a poly!marauders x reader fic or a just remus x reader fic where’s she’s driving and accidentally hits an animal and is really upset about it but they’re there to help to her move it and comfort her.

i just hit a cat and im not taking it well. we think it was just a stray cause I left my number with it in case but no one has called. my family kinda, but not really, made fun of me for being so sad about it and i kinda just need something with the guys being so affectionate and loving with her after everything.

it’s totally okay if youre not up to it! I understand that it’s such a hard topic so I won’t be offended if you don’t feel comfortable writing in this.

thank you again and im sooo looking forward to youre future work!! you’re talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before (lady gaga)

Mwah mwah mwah <3<3

-aves

(sorry this is so long)

Hi sweetheart, thank you so much! (Is your username a Lizzy McAlpine reference? I love that) I'm really sorry you went through this, I've been fortunate enough to have never hit an animal but I've seen it happen and it's so horrible, I'm really sorry you've been dealing with this :(( I think you did the right thing by leaving your number with it, and I hope the weight of that trauma and grief is starting to lift off you my love. Thank you for requesting <3

cw: mention of killing an animal, reader feeling guilty

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.8k words

James hears the door and is up instantly, bounding down the hall to greet you and Sirius. 

“Hello!” he calls ahead, eager for company after being left alone in your flat for over a half hour. “You guys took your time today, I thought even Remus might beat you home. Was traffic a riot, or…”

Sirius is looking at him with panic in his blue-gray eyes, clearly trying to convey one of those telepathic messages James has never been great at interpreting, and you…you’re looking at nothing. Your gaze is distant as you work off your shoe, the area around your eyes puffy and gray with smudged mascara. 

“Hey,” James breathes, then feels stupid. It sounds like he’s accusing you of something. He tries again. “Is everything okay?” 

Sirius gives him a look that says What do you think? and crouches beside you to help with a stubborn knot in your shoelace. Your hands are trembling, James notices. Dread settles like a stone in his stomach.

“I’ve got it,” Sirius murmurs to you, fingers gentle as they intercept your own, but the alarm doesn’t leave his expression as he watches your face. Ah. As much as it kills James to see you upset, Sirius will have no idea what to do with you in this state. Tears have always set him on edge. 

James squats, joining the two of you on the floor. “Hi, sweetheart.” He does his best to keep his own anxiety out of his voice as his hand finds your ankle, fingers wrapping around the bit of skin between the hem of your jeans and your socks. “Has something happened?” 

Your eyes meet his already full of tears, and James braces himself. Sirius does too, by the look of it, his shoulders tensing as he watches your face like you’re about to crumble away to nothing right here on their doormat. 

“I—” That’s all you get out before you have to bite down on your lip to keep from crying. A tiny whimper escapes, and spider web cracks spread across James’ heart. A sluggish tear leaks from your right eye. 

“It’s okay,” he swears, though he has no way of knowing it. You press the back of your hand to your mouth, trying to quell the sobs that shake your frame even with no air to feed them. “Oh, honey.” James leans forward, wrapping you in an awkward but very heartfelt hug, your knees between his chest and yours but your head crossing the distance to wet his shoulder with your tears. 

A sympathetic pressure builds in James’ sinuses, but he does his best to breathe through it. Stability tends to help you more than sympathy in these situations, and since Remus isn’t home yet, it’s left to James to be the reasonable one (Sirius would have all sorts of jokes to make about that, but he doesn’t seem to be feeling up to them either). 

He gives you a few moments of reprieve, a few passes of his palm up and down your spine, before trying again. “What’s going on?” he asks, gently as he can. “You guys are scaring me. Sirius?” 

Sirius’ brow pinches like he almost doesn’t want to say it either, and the anticipation in James’ chest heavies. “We were driving home,” he says slowly, keeping a wary eye on you lest he worsen your upset, “and a rabbit ran in front of the car.” 

Relief nearly chokes James at the same time as a sympathetic sorrow takes ahold of him. He pets the back of your head. You tremble with the force of your crying, leaning into his touch greedily. 

“She was driving?” he asks quietly, though he’s nearly sure. If your reaction isn’t enough to go off of, he already knows that you usually pick Sirius up from work and drive the both of you home. 

Sirius nods. 

“It doesn’t sound like there was anything you could do,” he murmurs to you, cupping the back of your neck to encourage you to look up at him. You do, sniffling as your lip quivers, and James uses his thumb to brush a wet streak of mascara from your blotchy cheek. 

“It must have been so scared.” Your voice breaks on the last word and James’ heart along with it, leaving a throbbing wound in the center of his chest. 

“I doubt it had time to be scared, honey,” he tries to reassure you, but his own voice is fraught. He looks to Sirius. “Did you…do you know if it…passed?” 

Sirius is half hiding behind his hair, a sure tell of his disquiet, and it brushes his shirt collar when he nods again. “We weren’t sure at first, so I got out to move it off the road. It was dead.” He winces at his wording, and you bite down on your lip harshly. His tone softens as he addresses you. “I really don’t think it felt any pain.”

You look nowhere near ready to believe him, and James is preparing to offer to make you a cup of tea and let you sort out your grief at your own pace when the front door opens again, stopping when it hits Sirius’ side. 

“Oh.” Remus pokes his head through. “Hello. Why are we all sitting on the floor?” 

Sirius scoots the rest of the way out of the door’s path before deciding to stand instead. He speaks to Remus in a low voice while James runs a hand up and down your side in an attempt to soothe you. He locks eyes with Remus over your shoulder, watching as the taller boy’s gaze takes on the weight of understanding. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” Remus wraps Sirius in a half-hug, kissing his surprised boyfriend on the temple before stooping beside you. “That must have been awful to have to see. Let’s get you up, yeah?” He wraps a spindly hand around your forearm, more encouragement than anything, and James grips your other hand as he stands to pull you up with him. 

Neither of them seem quite willing to break contact with you, walking you over to the couch like a newborn fawn despite your murmured I’m okay. Sirius follows close behind. The both of you look like you’re perching rather than sitting, unable to completely relax even now that you’re home. 

“It must have been quite a scare,” Remus sympathizes, sitting on the edge of his favored armchair. 

“A bit,” Sirius mutters, and your throat bobs. 

Remus cocks his head. “What’re you thinking, darling?” 

James almost wants to look away at the rawness in your expression as you raise your eyes to meet Remus’. “I just…I can’t believe I killed it. I’ve never” —your voice pitches, and you swallow again— “I’ve never killed anything before.”

 “It was an accident,” James tells you, beseeching. 

“You couldn’t have stopped,” Sirius says. His voice has an odd, desperate quality to it, and James sees Remus notice it at the same time as he does, both boys leaning forward to see Sirius better. For the first time, James notices—had he missed it before, or has it only just started?—that Sirius is trembling slightly too. James’ free hand twitches instinctively toward him, but his dark-haired boyfriend is only touchy when he’s in a good mood. He’s not keen on physical comfort; no matter how many years James has worked on him, Sirius has always preferred to keep his struggles internal. “Or avoided it,” he goes on. “It happened too fast.” 

Remus nods at you. “As awful as it is, these things happen sometimes. Hopefully,” he adds when another tear slips down your cheek, “never again to you, but selfish as it is, I’m glad you didn’t slam on the brakes or anything else that could have gotten you and Sirius hurt instead.” 

You glance at Sirius, and he gives you a weak smile, taking your hand and squeezing gently. 

“Nothing you could have done,” he whispers. 

Your lips tremble again. James watches as panic flashes in Sirius’ eyes, but he keeps it together. “I’m really sorry,” you tell him, voice wavering. “I shouldn’t have made you take care of the bunny by yourself.” 

James' chest aches as Sirius takes a steadying breath. “You were frazzled. Understandably upset,” he corrects himself, squeezing your hand again. This time you squeeze back. “It was a one-man job anyway.” 

You make a soft sound, leaning your head on his shoulder, and James has the sense something has settled a bit in each of you. He raises your joined hands to his lips, kissing the back of yours as Remus’ eyebrows furrow. 

“Have you had a chance to wash your hands, love?” he asks Sirius, who blinks.

“No. I forgot.” 

Despite the heavy atmosphere, James actually feels the beginnings of a smile tempting his lips as he watches Remus forcibly quell his horror. “Right, then. Why don’t we go do that in the kitchen now, and I’ll make us all some tea.” 

“Good idea,” James says heartily, swiping his thumb back and forth over his own kiss on your hand. “Hey, could we take out the good cookies as well?” 

Remus hums what James chooses to interpret as assent, shepherding Sirius into the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry,” you say to James once the other two are out of hearing. 

He looks down at you. “What for, sweetheart?” 

You shrug, your shoulders remaining just a tad too high after the motion. You’ve stopped crying, and James is grateful, but he doesn’t think this shameful look is a vast improvement. “I feel like I’m being dramatic. And Sirius is the one who had to see it. He had to drive home too, I was too upset.” 

James’ battered, broken heart wells for the both of you. He forgoes his attentions to your hand, wrapping his arm around your shoulders instead to tuck you against his side. “You’re not being dramatic,” he promises, “okay? You and Sirius were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and you both had to witness something awful.” Your head sinks onto his shoulder, and he rubs your upper arm. “I think it’s alright to be sad for a while. For yourselves, and for the bunny. Just, don’t torment yourself, alright?” He withdraws enough to see your face, and you tilt your gaze up to his. “Please. You don’t deserve the guilt.” 

Your eyes cast down, contemplative and a bit shy, a moment before your head comes back to its spot on his shoulder. “Thanks,” you murmur. 

“No thanks necessary, babe. You can cry all night if you need to, I’ll be right here. Just do me a favor,” he lowers his voice, glancing toward the kitchen, “let me sit between you and Sirius if you do. Many more tears and I think he’ll have a heart attack.”

[pikahlua]

I hope this will be short.

I guess this line is the fandom drama of the chapter?

I understand a lot of you are really passionate about the accuracy of the English translation. I just want to encourage you to try to engage with the official translation in good faith.

Ojama shimasu literally means "I am disturbing you/I will get in your way." It's often spoken as a greeting where the "apology" is implied (hence the brackets in my translation), but as usual context is everything in Japanese. Izuku is saying this line in defiance of Tomura's wishes. It basically comes across as Izuku plugging his fingers in his ears.

Me personally? If I were the official translator, I'd have strongly considered translating the line as "I'm coming in whether you like it or not."

The purpose in my pointing out the "common greeting" nature of this line was to demonstrate Izuku's sassiness. This is Izuku doing his "meddling where you don't technically have to" thing. The level of formality in Izuku's speech doesn't necessarily translate to actual politeness (check out @bakuhatsufallinlove's excellent post on that here).

Does "You will let me in," mean the exact same thing? Technically no, but it's the sentiment that counts. From an official translator's point of view, "You will let me in," is shorter, punchier, fits in the speech bubble a lot easier, and still conveys the general idea of what's happening in the scene.

I don't know. I wanted to talk about this because I guess a lot of people are concerned about Izuku's characterization and how it reflects on Japanese culture and how the official translation may be misrepresenting Japanese culture to the English-reading audience, and I just...can I ask that everyone take a step back a minute? Horikoshi isn't writing his story for an English-reading audience. He's not considering at all how any of this sounds to English speakers. That's the translator's job, not just to translate what is said but to translate that into the context of who is reading it. Localization is not a dirty word--it's an important aspect of translation. And the notion that Izuku is being polite and respectful here as a Japanese person is just such a...take. Izuku is being hella rude here lol. Japan itself, not just the MHA Japan but REAL WORLD Japan, notoriously has a bystander problem where people will ignore others who are being harassed because they don't wanna get involved. They won't step in to help nor will they even testify as a witness against others for fear of what it means to speak out and break from the pack. Izuku is quite obviously Horikoshi's direct answer to that phenomenon. He's meant to be an example of the morally correct thing to do, which is to be "rude" in these cases.

So I mean, sure, we can talk about what is lost in translation by the line, "You will let me in." But to me what's lost may just be grammatical and pedantic (like the passive voice that switches the onus of action onto Tomura instead of Izuku and what that may do to the focus on Izuku's rise to action here). In any case, it's not a BAD translation that changes Izuku's perceived politeness, just one that may prompt new discussion--and I don't think that's a bad thing.

[hazelfoureyes]

Sending in anon because I'm a coward... 😩

I'm a new reader, and I just have to say-- your "a doe in fall" series is just... AMAZING!!

I could go on, and on and on about how much I love it. But what gets me the most is always Alastor's dialogue, because as someone who is also on the aro/ace spectrum, I just get it so much. Especially the subtle hoping that reader can like... Read his mind about how he feels for her, and the weird sort of stockholm syndrome we sometimes develop with ourselves after being alone with only our own company for so long, and it really is, lol, like you just get so used to being alone for so long because you know the idea people have of you, you can't truly live up to, so you don't want to "disappoint" them that you actually aren't like they are, so you just sorta... Keep them occupied at arms length-- Therefore you're forced to adapt to your company being the only love you have for a long time. it's like an obligation.

And when or if the special somebody who understands you comes along, you realize... "Wow, I've been living like this for so long, is this what it feels like to be loved and appreciated, in spite of my oddities, or maybe even in favor of them? Strange..."

Emphasis on the "strange" part because, when you're so deeply entrenched in your own soul, sharing your space for another almost feels more like learning how to swim rather than an instant "click", sparks, fireworks and whatnot. The excitement of the magical "other" has been long since drowned and snuffed out of you.

So, when this somebody who is similar to you, or just simply understands, doesn't try to change you or ignore you, but instead envelopes you and adores you, the appreciation is deep and overflowing. But there's a part of you always pinching your heart, a sort of awareness of something that isn't the case, wondering "Is this a dream? what if it is and I'll wake up and this is not at all what I was thinking?".

Haha... ANYWAY, sorry for the slightly morose and LONG read 😂 But I always think of how similar I am to how you write alastor and it's scary in a way, but comforting (especially since he's my first and biggest fictional crush) except in this case my profession would actually be burlesque. Especially since I work in the exotic dance world. It's fascinating being aro/ace in the SW world, I could go on forever- But yeah, I absolutely love your writing!! Makes me feel less alone in this world. Annnd surprisingly I always feel so sensual after reading, I love love love it!! Reading before work always gets me in the mood to dance and pretend I'm Y/N, lol!!

Much blessings ❤️❤️

*cracks knuckles* listen here babycakes, I eat this shit UP. Exploring Human Ace Alastor is my BREAD AND BUTTER. I go into ESSAYS in the AO3 comments in this 😂

you really understand, which makes me so happy and is confirmation I’m conveying him the way I want to.

Now I’m gonna ramble and echo you basically 😂

I really think Alastor (atleast in this story) feels that excitement and strangeness of how open he can be around Autumn (since she doesn’t have a proper name cuz she’s reader 😂). He’s a fish out of water despite the fact he’s actually being his most authentic self. Like you said, it’s new to him just to be … Alastor. To be honest and upfront. His normal operating mode has been so restricted for so long he’s struggling with how to be himself. And then that fear—- well what if I’m too much? What if I ruin this, when I finally have something worth keeping? He’s never gotten this far and the fear of losing that comfort is terrifying but so is the actual comfort itself. It’s new and foreign.

A deep uneasiness that’s if he fully embraces this he’s gonna just fuck it up and it’ll be his fault this time. Not a misunderstanding or misalignment of needs but a confirmation he wasn’t good enough anyway.

“it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all” he would say that’s bullshit

and because of the situations he’s been in before, he’s never gotten to actually explore physical intimacy in a “safe” environment. He was always going into interactions because he had to if he wanted to keep people around. It was a necessity, not something he actually sincerely wanted to participate. So he tried to keep them happy with other means of affection and intimacy to maintain some safe distance but eventually, always, things would fall apart. At a distance or up close.

that’s why that most recent part was called Learning. Alastor is trying new things to learn more about what he’s okay with or doesn’t care for even offering in the future. Autumn is learning (that night, tho she doesn’t understand it yet) that he’s still figuring out how to meet her halfway (even tho she’s not even asking for that) when he’s used to being forced to meet people where they are. And Detective Brady, of course, is learning he may have found motive for Tommy’s disappearance.

I’m really glad you’re enjoying his portrayal and that you’re resonating with parts of him! That makes my soul hum! 💖 your line of work mixed with your Aro/Ace-ness sounds like such an interesting conversation if we’re honest! That’s a small aspect I love about Autumn. She’s in this field that’s (wrongly) considered to be hyper sexual and full of air headed wanton whores, but she’s the first person to be like “oh! You aren't into this stuff. Let me adjust my expectations. I’ll ask for clear verbal consent, not initiate, and I’m totally okay with never fucking again if it’s for your love and company.”

I work in the SW industry in a sense (Personal Assistant) and one of my biggest pet peeves is all of the shit people project on SWers.

sorry for the essay I could talk about this for ETERNITY

omg and THANK YOU! 🥺💖💖💖💖

Referencing:

A Doe in Fall (Human Alastor x Burlesquer Fem Reader)

Part 1 - Pretty in Red smut💦 Part 2 - Liar smut💦 Part 3 - A Tragedy smut💦 Part 4 - Enough Part 5 - Too Much Part 6 - Learning smut💦

[lightlycareless]

I always wonder what naoya would act like if he had a new born baby? Would he be very soft towards his child? Akxjjzsbizzjj my heart needs y/n and naoya fluff😭😭😭😭

HI ANON YES THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK AAAAHGHAHAHAGH you've come to the right place!! Literally, the more asks I get of Naoya and Y/N with their newborn baby the more ideas I get I want to write (doing one already, xmas themed, idc if I'm late lol)

Anyways, here is the good stuff you asked for 😏 warnings: none. just fluff.

I hope it's to your liking! Happy reading ❤️

Naoya is obsessed with the baby as soon as you tell him you’re pregnant, and soon, his days are filled with nothing but the pregnancy: from wanting to know if you’re alright, if you’ve had any nausea, if there were any specific cravings that needed to be satisfied, or his all-time favorite—if the baby was kicking.

You’d have to remind him that it’s too early for that, but when it’s finally time, his hands never leave your stomach, whether asleep or fully awake; he always must always be touching you, he needs to—as if he wasn’t already highly overprotective of you!

So, one can only imagine how this escalates when the baby finally arrives. (I’m still going with the idea that their first child is a girl)

When Naomi is born, all that Naoya desires is to stay by her side, her being the first thing he sees in the morning and the last in the night.

Naoya wants to be there as soon as the baby wakes up, hear her adorable coos and gurgles which he somehow always understands, as well as selecting her clothes for the day (they have to match. Non-negotiable) feed her (although that’s more like accompanying you while doing so.) and on and so forth.

And although there is nothing he loves more than being with his baby, his favorite thing in the world is seeing you bond with her.

Naoya just… melts when he sees you gush at their daughter, talk to her in that baby voice that always makes Naomi giggle, the occasional pinch of her chubby cheeks (which he likes to say she got from you—you, of course, deny it.) or how you seem to take her wherever you go, unable to peel away from her, not even a second! As if doing so would cause your immediate death!

I don't think I'll be able to convey just how overprotective the two are with Naomi.

Like, you and Naoya would be the type of parents to overdress her as soon as temperature drops the slightest for the simple fear that she’d get sick or something—obviously this didn’t last long because the doctor (alongside family members) would immediately remind them that being this way is only detrimental in the long term.

Rest assured, you and Naoya would find a way to compensate for that, specifically through toys, and outings when she's a bit older. Weekly trips to Tokyo Disneyland become the norm by that point (hell, if Naoya truly wanted to, he'd take Naomi to each worldwide Disney Park on a weekly basis, if only she didn't get crampy by flights—and if that wasn’t too much, of course.) which again, had to be stopped thanks to your dad advising both to take it easy, or she'll grow spoiled… the wrong way, that is.

I think out of the two, Naoya is the one that would struggle the hardest to not buy every single thing that reminds him of Naomi. But can we blame him? The nature of his work often keeps him away from you and the baby, which makes him very, very sad and resentful that it does.

He literally tried to get some time off so he’d be able to stay with you and the baby… but he wasn’t able to get much; so, he looks for all possible ways to make up for his absence, as well as reassure her that his career is not more important than her, or that he isn’t trying hard enough to be there.

Because of this, you make your best effort for Naomi's first word to be papa; it might not be much, but it’s your way to reassure him that he’s a good father and that she loves him very, very much. (The one deciding to name their children after him is your idea, because you want Naoya to feel included, loved. Like he deserves a family after all that he went through 🥺)

Going back to Naomi’s first word, this feat is easier said than done, but you do your best either way, and when it finally happens…. Oh my god is Naoya over the moon.

He literally died when Naomi cheerfully yelled “papa!” upon seeing him return one day from a mission, with that toothy grin he loves so much and those chubby little hands reaching out for him that immediately melt away all his stresses and anxieties away.

And we haven't even spoken of nicknames yet!!! He already had the habit of calling you all kinds of pet names, and that, alongside his tendency to pinch your cheeks, is something that Naomi will also inherit from him.

He'd call her all kinds of cute things, however, his favorite ones are the ones he associates with you, but adding a small differentiation, for example:

“Princess” and “little princess”

“Little mochi” and “littlest mochi”—this one you tell Naoya not to use just because of how silly it sounds, not that it works but hey, you tried.

“Pumpkin” and “little pumpkin”—this one was mostly used by your dad, which Naoya later adopted upon finding out about it—and if you already felt embarrassed by it, this sentiment just grew when Naoya began to endlessly tease you with it.

But now that it’s being used on Naomi, you finally began to appreciate it and subsequently, find it adorable!

So, yes. Naoya loves his baby very, very much, for Naomi represents a combination of all the things that make him happy: you, his love for you, and now, a family.

He'd go above and beyond to make them happy and keep them safe; when it comes to this, the sky is the limit.

wow ngl. I want to write more. ajgajgjsaajgkja specifically the "Naoya placing his hands over your stomach to feel the baby kicking" or how he'd react to tiring nights where baby Naomi just can't sleep 🥺 if anyone wants to indulge me by sending in an ask of what you'd like me to write, you know where to find me 😏

thank you for this lovely ask!! Take care and hope to see you soon ❤️❤️

[ellieromanov]

Moments in between

Pairings: Natasha x reader

Word count: 3k

Genre: angst

Warnings: toxic relationships (toxic Nat) manipulation, brief Smut

(Ngl, This wasn’t my best work, don’t love it but I needed to post something lol)

Y/n’s point of view

Natty❤️

Hey, the mission was canceled, I'll be home around 7-7:30 give or take. So I'll see you soon! Btw I'm starving! xx

Me

That's great! I can't wait!! I'll have dinner ready! Love you!!! xx

Despite her lack of response, I immediately set to work, tidying the house so she wouldn't have to worry about it when she returned.

By 6:20, dinner was in progress—her favorite, a small effort to make our evening special. As it cooked, I chose a cute dress, styled my hair, and applied makeup. Nights like these were extremely rare lately, and Nat and I were feeling the strain so I might as well put details into the little things when I can.

She's always busy with work, I mean of course she is, she's an avenger. But when I go weeks at a time without seeing her it gets hard. It feels like half the time shes avoiding being around me. It feels like she often looks for extra tasks. It might all be in my head but I mean Hell I can't even remember the last time we ate and had a conversation together, so I want tonight to be perfect.

As the clock ticked past 7:20, dinner sat ready on the stove, the aroma of her favorite dish filling the air. I hesitated, torn between plating her food or waiting for her call. At 7:40, I finally dialed her number, but the call went unanswered, sending me straight to  voicemail. I decided to wait before serving the meal, hoping it wouldn't lose its warmth.

8:00 nothing, she hasn't called back or texted. But that's alright maybe she needed to get a few things done.

8:30 nothing. Maybe traffic?

9:00 nothing. Maybe there was an emergency

9:30 not a word. Something probably came up.

By 10:00 I gave up. I put away the left overs and cleaned up the kitchen. I put Natasha's plate in the fridge, turned off the music and blew out the candles.

In the bathroom, I unwound my efforts, removing my makeup and undoing my hair before stepping into the shower.

I went to sleep alone that night. Natasha finally came home just past 2 in the morning. Her footsteps were loud enough to wake me up. Though I heard her entrance, I chose not to acknowledge her. She joined me in bed, and when she realized I was awake she wrapped her arms around me and whispered apologies and showered kisses on my bare shoulder.

"I'm so sorry." She mumbled between kisses. She kissed from my cheek to my neck, then finally my collarbone. "Let me make it up to you gorgeous."

When she kissed my lips I could taste the whiskey on her.

I remained silent, unsure whether to accept her apologies or express the disappointment that lingered. Natasha's tender kisses continued, and her warmth beside me begged for acknowledgment.

I didn't say anything. "Please baby, let me make you feel good, let me make it better." She pleaded as she sucked marks into my neck. I was so overwhelmed with emotions and I was mad and disappointed but I couldn't convey any of my feelings. I couldn't speak so I just nodded my head as tears started to stream down my cheeks. I don't know why I was crying but I couldn't help it. Once the tears started they couldn't stop. Natasha got on top of me, straddling my hips as she kissed my neck. I just wrapped my arms around her and buried my hands in her hair as I cried.

"I promise to make it up to you." She whispered for the hundredth time as she kissed my bare skin. She took my hoodie off first then went lower, leaving her trail of marks as she went.

Moments later I was completely bare under her and had no control. I know if I told her to stop she would. I know that. But then what. We'd fight and she'd sleep in the guest room? I just want things to go back to the way they were.

With every thrust I just held onto her tighter and closed my eyes to stop the tears and try to enjoy the moment with her but there was no enjoyment to be found.

Just tell her to stop.

Tell her later.

Tell her you're tired.

I didn't say anything. I tried to react as much as I could when she wanted me too. Gasped when she went faster, moaned when she did something different, just keep her satisfied.

"God baby, you're so fucking perfect." She grunted.

Just nod.

"Such a good girl"

React.

"I love your tight little pussy so much. I love you, so much detka"

Tell her you love her.

...

She eventually got the release she was looking for and went to sleep not long after. But I couldn't. I stayed awake next to her and cried. I curled up in a ball with me knees tucked under my chin and cried. My whole body was shaking from my silent sobs. It wasn't that she touched me, it wasn't that she didn't show up for dinner, it wasn't that she didn't take care of me, it was the fact that things used to be different. It was the realization that I was losing her.

She used to get home from missions early to come home and cook with me, we'd dance in the kitchen together and we'd laugh until we couldn't breath and it physically hurt, we used to talk for hours on end, we used play games together and watch movies, we used to make love, and we used to read, and paint, play music, go on walks, we used to do everything together. Because we loved each other...

But now... I don't think she loves me anymore. She doesn't look at me the same. She used to look at me like I was the only girl in the world, but she doesn't have that same spark in her eyes anymore. She doesn't talk to me anymore, she doesn't watch movies with me, or go on walks. Let alone laugh or dance with me. I haven't heard her say she loves me before tonight in months. I think she's done with me...

When I was younger I remember thinking that I'd refuse to stay with someone who doesn't see me for all my worth. How naïve.

_____

When the sun came up in the morning I was alone again. She left without a goodbye, without a kiss on top of my head, without a touch. without a simple acknowledgment.

When I went to the bathroom to shower I saw how red and puffy my eyes were from crying last night. Seeing myself like that confirmed my thoughts that Natasha was in fact done with me. No loving caring partner would let this happen. They wouldn't let their person cry themselves to sleep after an intimate moment. They wouldn't miss a dinner after saying they would be there and they wouldn't use sex as a way to make it up to them. That's not how a healthy functioning relationship works. It's just not.

That afternoon so many thoughts ran through my head, because even though she didn't love me anymore, I loved her with all I had. And if she didn't want me to leave then I wouldn't, I'd stay and I'd give her my entire being until I had nothing left to give and even then I'd stay. I'd stay because I'd have no where else to go, I'd have no one. I'd have nothing. And Id always love her.

I texted her that afternoon asking to talk when she got home.

Me

I Hope you are having a good day. I want to talk to you when you get home if that's okay. Stay safe.

I love you.

She didn't respond, she never does.

As the hours passed by I distracted myself with cleaning, cooking, painting and reading, and with each activity my concern only grew. the sun set and the only thing that brought light to the apartment was the television.

when 10 o'clock passed by I started crying again. I wondered if tonight would be another night on my own or if she'd decide to come home at some point. My heart felt heavy with anxiety and mourning. I wish I had never made the realization that she was moving on from me, I wish that I could have stayed in my denial.

The more minutes that went by the more tears I shed. I tried calling her and I tried texting her, but every message went unanswered. I tried to check her location but she turned it off. I finally had enough and decided to text the one person who always knew of Natasha's whereabouts.

Me

Hey Barton. It's Y/n, I don't know if you had my number saved. I was just texting to ask if Natasha was still at the compound?  Or if she was sent on a mission. She stopped sharing her location with me and won't respond to any of my text. I'm just starting to get worried so if you could just let me know that would be great.

It didn't take him long to respond.

Clint 🏹

Hey Y/n. Natasha went out with Maria and a few other agents. They said they were just going out for a quick drink. Is she not responding to your calls either?

Me

She hasn't responded to anything, text or call. Thanks for letting me know.

Clint🏹

Do you want me to try calling her? Try to knock some since into her?

Me

If you could try calling her I'd really appreciate it. I Just want to make sure she's okay. If she answers tell her I need to talk to her.

Clint🏹

Of course Y/n. I'll let you know if she picks up. If not I'll call Maria.

Me

Thank you Clint, I really appreciate it.

As I sat on the sofa with tear stained cheeks I finally got a message from Natasha.

Natty❤️

What?

Me

Are you serious?

Natty❤️

What do you mean am I serious?

Me

I've been trying to call you and text you for the past four hours Natasha.

Natty❤️

I'm sorry. I didn't see them.

Me

but when Barton is the one who's calling all the sudden you see it.

It took her a few minutes to respond to the message. The text bubbles kept disappearing and appearing again. But Finally she responds.

Natty❤️

I'm sorry. You're right, I should have answered you, I've just been busy. Is everything okay?

Me

Im just hurting. I really want you to come home to me Natasha.

Please just come home.

When the text bubbles disappeared my heart sank even more. I couldn't help the sobs and whimpers as I curled up on the couch.

_____

Natasha's point of view

The bar was dimly lit, filled with the low hum of conversations and the clinking of glasses. I sat at a corner table, nursing a drink that I ordered half an hour ago. I stare off as I half-listen to Maria rant about her latest assignment from Fury. But truth be told, my mind was elsewhere,  the guilt sitting in.

I glance down at my phone for every new string of unanswered messages and missed calls from Y/n. I continue to Ignore them as they keep poring in. I take another sip of the aged whiskey, as I try to participate in the conversation and ignore my buzzing phone. Finally, well past midnight, I decide to head home, my mind clouded with the alcohol's numbness. The walk through the Crisp winter air helped me sober up and cleared my head as I walked.

Finally getting to our townhouse I unlock and open the door. As I climb the stairs to the main floor I notice the lights are off so I simply assume she has gone off to bed. Perfect, that means no fighting. But when I reach the final step leading to the living room I find Y/n on the couch, tear-stained and defeated, wrapped up in a blanket, half asleep. I walk towards her, every step echoing in the stillness of our home.

I wordlessly scoop her up into my arms, I can see the hurt on her face as I hold her against me. She wakes up enough to wrap her arms around me as I take her to our room.

"I'm tired Tasha." She mumbles against my neck, she's hardly audible but I could hear her. "I know. I'm here now, we can sleep." I tell her as we enter our room.

I Gently place Y/n on the bed, I couldn't meet her eyes. There was a weariness in her voice as she again murmured, "No, Nat. I'm tired." I couldn't help the sigh that escaped me as I replied, "Just go to sleep, Y/n." The weight of my own exhaustion mingled with the my guilt.

I walk off to the closet to change into comfortable clothes and when I walk back to the bed Y/n is sat crisscrossed in her oversized hoodie with tears streaming down her face again. a knot of frustration tightened in me.

"Y/n stop it. It's late. I'm not dealing with this right now."  I sigh as I pinch the bridge of my nose, my impatience slipping into my tone. But then she looks at me. "No Nat. Im so tired, im tired of being so lonely..." her voice shakes. "I miss you so much. Is it to much to ask you come back to me at the end of a day? I'm hurting so much." She stifles her cry.

I sit next to her and grab her hands. "Baby please. Let's not do this right now. We are both tired so can we please go to sleep and talk about this tomorrow?" I try to negotiate with her.

"No because I might not see you tomorrow, I hardly ever see you anymore Natasha, that's the problem. The past few months you haven't been here... you'd rather stay out till god who knows how late rather then to come home to me..." she pauses for a moment before beginning again. "Natasha I love you so much. And I want you to be happy. So I need to know now. Do you still want to be here?-"

"of course I still want-"

"No Nat, let me speak. I Will not be the reason you are unhappy. I won't, I won't do that. I will not be the reason you miss out on the life you are wanting so I need to now right now. If you are done I need you to tell me- because I can't let go of you by myself, I love you to much to willingly walk away, so I need to hear you say it. If it's time for me to let you go I need you to tell me that, i need you to tell me to let you go. You have to do that for me..."

As she spoke something finally registered with me, something I've known for a long time but never wanted to admit. Y/n has always been a backup plan for me. If any aspect of my life were to go south I could always come back home and she'd be here waiting. She's a safety net, a lifeline, she's the plan B. And I don't want to let that go. If I let her go then that means I have no one to fall back on.

She deserves so much more then me, she deserves someone worthy of her, to give her love and affection, and someone who will show up for her when she cooks dinner, and be there for her when she needs a shoulder to cry on, I know this. I've always known.

She will always be second in my life, she'll be second to my career, to my wants and needs. But that selfish part of me won't let her go. I won't let her go even though I know it's time.

As the room hung in silence, Y/n's  tear-streaked eyes searched mine for a response. For an acknowledgment. The tension between us only thickened. Her eyes begging for an answer of some sort.

"I..." The words lingered on my tongue. My gaze dropped to the floor, avoiding her pleading eyes. I know it's selfish, I know I should do what's best for her because I do want to see her happy but I can't loose her.

"I can't let you leave, Y/n..." I finally admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. Y/n's eyes glistened with a mix of relief and sorrow. She heard the words she was hoping for, but I could tell she was hoping for more. For an expression of love and need, she wanted to feel the truth of my words but she couldn't find any. But I will say what I need to to make sure she doesn't leave. If she needs to hear me say I love her then I will tell her every day, if she needs to hear me say I need her, then I won't stop telling her until she gets sick of it. It's all about playing the right cards.

"I know I haven't been here for you as I should be, I'm sorry you felt neglected, but I need you to know how much I need you, and want you. I can't do this without you."

A heavy silence settled between us as the gravity of my decision sunk in. Y/n, still wrapped in the blanket of my selfishness. she clung to the hope that things might change, that our love will come back.

I reached out, hesitantly brushing a strand of hair from her tear-stained face as an attempt to comfort her. Her eyes glistening with unshed tears. Her eyes have always been a beauty. Pools of color I could always get lost in. I hold both sides of her face and wipe away the tears.

"I love you. I need you to stop doubting me. Do you understand?" I ask. She only nods and leans further into my hands. "Good girl. Now Can we keep talking in the morning? You're exhausted." She again only nods her head. I lean in to kiss her forehead before getting up to my side of the bed.

We get under the covers and it takes no time at all before Y/n is pressed against me, I instinctively wrap my arms around her.

When we first met, I really did love her, or the closest thing to love I could feel. She used to make me laugh and smile, she made me feel comforted, she made me feel safe. I don't know when that stopped. I just hope the feeling might come back if I put in the effort.

As my thoughts continue to race, she eventually falls asleep. She sniffles and whimpers in her sleep, just like she has been these last few months. Even in her sleep she can't seem to catch a break. My heart is heavy, I know I don't love her as I should. I just don't know what I'm meant to do. I was never made to love. It's not apart of my nature. I'll continue to be selfish and hold on to her as a life line for as long as I can. Maybe one day she'll be strong enough to walk away by herself.

[yanderes-galore]

Fandom: JJBA

Character: Jotaro Kujo

Pairing: romantic

Type: alphabet

Honestly part 3 Jotaro being yandere over crusader darling is making me go crazy🗣️ darling could be related/a close friend of polnareff, avdol, or kakyoin to up the stakes of jotaro lol

And darling's gender is up to you I'm fine with whatever :D

- 🥝 anon

I usually do a general take for Alphabets so I hope you enjoy :D Rusty with writing Jotaro, feedback is appreciated! Not fully proofread, may have mistakes.

Yandere Alphabet - Jotaro Kujo

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Using stand for affection, Stalking, Possessive/Protective behavior, Violence, Blood, Manipulation, Jealousy, Death, Murder briefly mentioned, Threats, Controlling behavior, Kidnapping, Isolation, Restraints mention, Forced relationship.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Jotaro isn't a character that expresses emotions very well. He's mostly stoic and even seems disinterested all the time. However, he isn't disinterested towards you in the slightest.

He's quiet around you but tries not to make it seem like he hates you. He mostly shows he cares through curt praises or maybe something physical like a pat on the back. Although, you no doubt feel ghostly touches of affection due to Star Platinum being capable of showing Jotaro's hidden emotions.

He's slow to do anything intense, but Jotaro could probably be one of the most intense yanderes. He may start subtle or hard to read... but as his obsession grows he tries to be more affectionate. He struggles with it at times though.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

I imagine if someone drove him to snap, he doesn't mind using Star Platinum to take them out... or maybe his own hands if it's personal. Jotaro has no mercy for enemy Stand Users targeting you. When it's rivals... that's more complicated.

He'd have trouble harming the other Crusaders because they're close to you. In that case he may rely on threats or just dragging you off.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Jotaro may seem like a cruel yandere, in fact that's an interesting way to go about it in some plots, but in reality he'd most likely be very caring. He has trouble expressing emotions... not like he doesn't have them. (I've been guilty of this in the past)

He wouldn't mock you, in fact if it ever came to kidnapping he would make sure he takes care of you. He hates others around you at times... but he never really likes to hurt you. If he's taken you in like this, he's going to make sure you're cared for.

Even if he's the only one you can see now.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Yes, but he tries not to do it often. He respects you, even if he locks you away.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Jotaro doesn't seem like a very vulnerable yandere. He's mostly stoic but does show some anxiety or bursts of emotions when things catch him off guard. So most of the time, you can't read him. Other times... suddenly he has you in a tight hug, catching you off guard.

He makes no noise during said sudden affection... but by his grip you can tell he's conveying some sort of emotion towards you (Anxiety, Stress, Adoration, Etc.)

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Irritated and impatient. He shows some annoyance towards you if you did fight him. He'll say his usual "Yare Yare Daze" before scolding you and holding you off. He won't hurt you... just tire you out.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No and he hates it.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Seeing him snap. When Jotaro snaps a lot can happen. He may get violent with the person who set him off (not you). By the end of their altercation his hands are covered in red stains.

Afterwards he picks you up, either by himself or his Stand, and carried you off. He doesn't care if you struggle or not. He can't deal with you being so close to others anymore...

Which leads to you being locked away.

Honestly, he doesn't think about it now... but as an adult he probably thinks of marriage (Part 4). Maybe even a kid (Part 6). Part 3 Jotaro mostly just thinks of dating you after Dio is defeated.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Yes and Jotaro could really go either way. He may lash out and threaten the person who caused the issue. Maybe even use Star Platinum if they really did something wrong (Showing physical affection while Jotaro is around is an example).

Other times he may try to hide how much he truly feels about it. Although said emotions end up being vented by Star Platinum, said Stand never taking his eyes off of you. Star Platinum may even show affection towards you while Jotaro tries to distract himself.

Protective, Clingy, Observing, Manipulative/Controlling, Possessive, Subtle, Hard to read, Caring, Loyal.

Jotaro's yandere type is like a dormant volcano it seems. He seems harmless towards you... but who knows what might set him off.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Going based off what you gave me, you're a fellow Stand User and Crusader. That's how you meet Jotaro. At first Jotaro seems disinterested in you. But you couldn't be further from the truth.

As you proceed through your quest to take down Dio, Jotaro grows interested in you. You could be a friend of one of the others... or even a sibling of one of them. Jotaro doesn't really care about that... he just cares about watching you.

He'd stalk you by using Star Platinum and would appear extremely protective of you. Jotaro is skilled in fighting and can be volatile in fights. Especially if it's to protect you.

By the end of this trip... safe to say Jotaro isn't planning to leave your side or lose you to anyone.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Not really, no.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Jotaro doesn't like the idea but he may try restraints or isolation to make you rely on him. He seems like he'd be physical about it, but he isn't really. He does scold you... but at the same time he doesn't like blaming you for the mistakes of others.

He doesn't want to take a lot, but if he feels you've wronged him then he will take most of your freedoms.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

He can be patient. He has limits, but he is surprisingly very patient.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

The effect it has on him may not show, but it does affect him. He gets snappy with others and much more moody. But over time it becomes a dull ache within him that he never forgets.

If someone took you from him... he may just kill them....

Sometimes and maybe (most likely no).

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Childhood and trauma.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Jotaro usually just gives you your space. He keeps his distance until you calm down. Occasionally he may use Star Platinum to check on you before approaching to hold you.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

SKIPPED

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Not many I can think of except trying not to make him snap.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

He tries not to, he hates the idea... but it may just happen.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Not a worship yandere but would sacrifice everything to see you alive, happy, and safe.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

I imagine he can pine awhile. He probably won't snap until after Part 3 (hopefully)... meaning any abduction might be a Part 4 era Jotaro thing.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Not intentionally.

[bronx-bomber87]

Hello my wonderful fandom :) Thank you for all your lovely comments on me being delayed. Not my usual M.O. but I definitely needed the extra time to process. I was GUTTED and absolutely wrecked. Poor D had to deal with my panic spiral for most of Wednesday. (love you lol) I'll be honest I'm still little shook up and sad. Kinda grateful for the 3 week break tbh between episodes. This was a gut punch I wasn't in the least expecting. Hoping we'll get a S7 announcement during this hiatus. *fingers crossed* Get it together ABC. This took me awhile to unpack emotionally so thank you all again for being so patient.

So I want to preface this post. There will be ZERO And I mean ZERO bashing of Tim in this review from me. Would appreciate that in comments as well. I love conversation you know I love comments. What I don't like is hate being spread. Also nothing on Eric either. I've also seen this which is utter madness. Don't touch our captain. Man loves this fandom so much. Deserves respect. If you came to this review for either of those things please promptly exit stage left. I mean that in the kindest way possible but I love Tim/Eric so it's a non starter with me.

I’ve never so deeply related with a character in all my life as I have with Tim Bradford. I’ll be dissecting this ep to best of my ability. I love both these characters so very much. Why I was knocked out for a couple days before could tackle this. I imagine my thoughts will change when I do my summer in depth one. When we have the rest of the season in pocket. I have to say this won't be mini at all. LOL So lets get rid of that concept right now ha I can't be mini with this ep. I am not brief so thanks for reading. Also hats off to Eric my god he was incredible in this episode. Melissa too killing me left, right and center you two. Let us get started.

6x06 Secret and Lies.

Poor Lucy looks like me when I’m stressed and drained af. Tamara asking how stressed she currently is? Lucy answering 19.....She looks like a 19 if not worse tbh. This is probably the most time they've spent apart since they got together. Basically living together at this point let's be honest. Other than 6x01 they haven't really spent time apart aside from that UC op in 5x21. *sigh*

Tamara asking if Tim is still ghosting her? Lucy trying so hard to keep it together with her answer. My heart. What a wreck she is without Tim. Do love that we get to see her pin-up board btw. Good shot of her room we don’t usually get. That cupcake poster I love it so much. Although now it makes me sad...

Lucy asking what's wrong? Tamara telling her she wants to move out with some friends from school. Crap. Her moving is the last thing she needs…. But it's good for her even though the idea makes me sad. End of an era. Lucy is right she needs to live with people her own age. Doesn’t make it hurt less though. This is a ROUGH season for Lucy my god. The hits keep coming for our girl and I wanna hug her. Shield her somehow....

Lucy touching near her tattoo when she reaches Angela. (Mini gut punch.) I do love her coming to Angela about this. If there is anyone who knows Tim like she does it's Angela. Does help she finds his behavior alarming too. I mean of course she does. You can see the immediate worry. The empathy she has for Lucy is there but she holds her cards close in her advice. Telling her to trust him even though it's literally killing her. Not the council Lucy needed to hear or was looking for.

Lucy wanted more action than 'Just wait and trust him.' She has been trusting him but she’s so insanely worried. Going out of her mind with anxiety for her person. It's exuding out of of her and she looks like she wants to cry…Ugh me too Lucy. I’m an empath and an anxious one at that. I would be going out of my mind too…. Angela looks worried as hell though. Even though she isn't conveying that to Lucy at this point. Breaking my heart as she takes off from their convo. Because if she doesn't she'll lose it right then and there.

God I love Angela Lopez. First off well done on tracking him down. She's just a bad ass. I mean it's one of the reason's Lucy reached out to her tbh. Just gets into his car, drinking his soda, calling him out right away. I love her reasoning saying she can live off Wesley’s trust fund. Lmao. Doesn’t matter as much if she get's fired. 'Wine o'clock.' for her. Gotta love the confidence. I truly hope we get more Tim/Angela scenes the rest of this season. I always adore their dynamic.

Tim is sold on her reasoning and starts to explain the current situation he's trapped in. Angela taking it all in and assessing everything as he explains. Once Tim has succinctly summed up his current predicament Angela's reply is the best. 'I’m in.' lmao I love this woman. ‘I got your back boo.’ That she does. In more ways than he even realizes at this point.

Gotta commend Angela calling him out for walking away from Lucy. Not only that but his job to arrest a guy hasn’t thought of in a decade…. Ain’t no one better than her to be there to call him out his crap right now. Not only that but to really dig deep. To know this is far more than what he's sharing. This is why Angela is an incredible detective rooting things out like this. Saying this is more than just protecting Lucy. Her intuition is out of this world.

I mean she's not wrong. Lucy would understand if it was just about the benefits. She would be proud really. Thing is it's about protecting himself too. Which really just scratches the surface of why he is doing this. Tim knows he's caught even if he shrugs it off. She has him dead to rights and he knows it. 'I’m your BFF. I know you.' Ha it’s true whether you like it or not Timothy…Just like Lucy she has your number.

Angela giving him crap with how they're following Ray. Worried he isn't being smart about this. This is so unlike him to be this sloppy and unfocused. She was right he was tailing too close… Ray catches on to their tail quickly. When he scanned the vehicle made me so nervous. Doing it while he's taunting Tim. He's so detail oriented blows my mind Tim let that get by him. This SL gave me such MASSIVE anxiety as I watched it. Oh my lord.

The minute they get back to Angela's place she calls him out once again. Asking why he thinks this is ALL his fault? Tim shrugs it off and she refuses to take that as his final answer. Of course Angela was right there is far more to this story. Tim finally opens up to her about what happened. He had been leading his squadron for some time. Looking to move up to Sergeant.

The catch was he couldn’t be promoted if there was rampant criminality in his unit. Ray clearly was in the way of him moving up. Tim figured he could keep it within his unit if they went after him.. Oh Tim…. It was an unsanctioned mission too. Thinking if he could accomplish this would be easy fast track to his promotion.

Kills me to know he was there during the air strike ugh… Details missing from the last episode. The Humvee saved him and Mark but not his other men… I can't imagine what Tim felt in that moment. The immense amount of guilt laid on his soul from here on out. I mean it makes sense why he never left patrol before Lucy. The last time he tried to advance his career this happened. My broken boy.

Eric CRUSHES this scene. I wanna cry. My poor Timothy. He was more focused more on his career than his oath...Got two of his men killed. My damn heart. He’s so ashamed of himself. The way he points at himself when he says 'leadership.' I knew his military past would be dark but holy crap. I wanted more of his backstory and they delivered that in spades. What a gut punch this had to be for him. No doubt his men were loyal af to him. Would've followed him anywhere and did.

He carries leading those men to their deaths because they followed his leadership. Oof. That is quite the weight to keep on your soul. Also gives us insight to why he shoulders everything. Even when he doesn't have to. Punishing himself for past transgressions such as this. I'm sure when we get to the other side of this season, I will have an even deeper respect for the writers going into his backstory like this. Giving us even more insight to this man.

This hurts so good to get this kind of info. I have no doubt that’s why he shut Lucy out. The shame he feels is overwhelming. I totally get it. Nothing scarier than someone knowing your darkest secrets. Not only that but worrying they’ll think less of you due to it. Tim already struggles with self loathing. Been a theme for him his entire arc on this series. Something I've touched on a lot. This is truly bringing that to light in the most painful way.

We see Ray scanned Tim's car in order to gain access to it. To check his GPS to see where he's been. How he's been tracking him. When he scrolls down to Lucy's address. Made my stomach sink. Legit felt sick to my stomach....

I do love Lucy coming home and having Tamara there. Saying she ordered pizza for them. This is exactly what she needs. Do you really have to go Tamara? I wonder if she'll delay leaving now after this ep. There is a knock at the door and of course it's not the pizza. It's Ray. Hair's on the back of my neck stood up from the moment he entered that apt.

I know Melissa stated in her interview she was nervous about this scene. That she came off awkward in her anger. You are incorrect madam. Holy hell Lucy is a BAMF. Telling him the only call she's gonna make is for the ambulance. Because when she's done with him he's going to need it to wheel him out. Holds her ground like the confident bad ass we've all loved seeing her become.

Lucy calling him shaking and demanding where he was. Ooh lord hell fire coming with her through that front door. I love Angela grabbing Tamara to another room. Like let's go mom and dad are about to have a big blow out. Let's give them some space...

Tim asking if she's ok? Truly concerned but Lucy isn't having ANY of it. 'Do I look ok?' Damn no she doesn't....Ripping into him saying how that creep could've showed up when she wasn't there. Lucy is not wrong....Oh my lord I’ve never seen her so damn mad. She is RAGING at him and rightfully so. Her home was violated, Tamara was put in danger and threatened. All because Tim was trying to protect her. phew.

Tim FINALLY concedes to telling her something. It only seems to enrage her more. She is literally vibrating with anger in this scene with him. The more he tells her the more it doesn't explain why he left her in the dark. Lucy begging him to read her in. I mean she has earned that my love. ..Telling him to stop protecting her. Gah Tim is a deep loyalist who would protect anyone he loves even if it's not the right thing. His reply is a reflection of that.

'I can't. I won't.' He's so driven to keep her safe. His instinct is to protect her but doesn't see he's hurting her in the process. I knew she was going to be pissed he let Angela in and not her. But Tim was right she has a lot less to lose. Which doesn't seem pertinent in this moment...I do love her placing her hands on his when she also replies. 'I can't. I won't.'

Mirroring his words from moments ago. Just like he will never stop protecting her. Lucy will never stop fighting for him or longing to help him. That man is her entire world. The most important person in her life. It makes perfect sense she would help with this. Career be damned. I mean she risked her career to get him a shot at Metro. Of course she would do the same thing in order to shoulder his burden with him.

Love her standing her ground in this moment. Like damnit I love you and you are going to let me in. Whether you like it or not I am here and I'm going to help. If this wasn't a reflection of the communication problems that still painfully exist between them I don't know what is. I mean she tried to be patient and trust him. But honestly he needed this kick in the ass to let her in. Which is a problem. Lucy needs to be the first person he goes to. It shouldn't have to come to this. *sigh*

Their OP goes off without a hitch. Except Ray saying he was going to be an air strike on Tim's life.... God I had no idea as I was watching that scene how true it would be. Tim gets his interview and lies to protect Angela and Lucy. While keeping his own job intact as well. Also welcome back to Jackson’s dad. Hello there Percy. This is not how I wanted to see him again.

But he is IA him returning was never gonna be a good thing tbh in a post Jackson world. Regardless it was nice to see him again. The scene is Grey's office is ROUGH. Never seen Wade so disappointed in Tim. It hurts to watch. Just like this entire gut punch of an episode. Tim is just standing there in utter shame of everything. Ashamed Wade is looking at him like this.

Kills me Grey has to inform Pine of what he did. It makes sense he has to but damn that sucks. The amount of respect Tim has for Wade is immense. To watch him tear Tim apart and just stand there like a puppy being scolded hurts my soul. Especially when he tries to fight Pine knowing. Just dismissing him without further comment or argument...

So I will say this and it's not at all fair to Lucy that I thought this I'm sure. But I felt like if there was gonna be a breakup it would be coming from her. Not Tim in this moment. That's the part of this moment that really knocked the wind out of me. She had every damn right to be the one too btw. Instead she is there waiting for him with open arms. Honestly I took a breath for the first time this entire episode when she welcomed him in.

Wrapping him up in her arms. Encasing him, rubbing his back, her fingers in his hair. Gently cradling him against her. I thought ok maybe we'll be alright. Since Lucy isn't nearly as angry as she was earlier. Maybe they can get through this together. Cause she loved on him regardless of what happened. The unconditional love she has for this man blows me away. I honestly thought with her loving on him maybe they'd make it out. That they’d work through it together.

Tim looks so very defeated. On the verge of an actual breakdown as he explains that he lied about everything. Saying it saved his job...protected Angela and her. It doesn't seem like enough of a win to him. He looks so very destroyed and this is just the beginning of his downward spiral.

Lucy is doing everything to be his rock in this moment. To assuage him of his guilt… Most vulnerable ever seen Tim *pre tears*…. Lucy telling him it was an impossible situation. She would've done the same thing. It’s so very clear she was willing to work through this. To build them back to where they were before he got that phone call. Everything Lucy was in this scene represented her unconditional love for him. Tim is just too destroyed at the moment to see it….Also for him to accept it. It's so hard to truly accept unconditional love if you've never had it before. To truly trust in it.

Lucy is watching him spiral out of control. The way he's talking about himself with such loathing. How she never would've been in a place where she put her self interest over her team like him. She is trying her damndest to right his wrong. But Tim is having none of it. It pains me to see it... Pains Lucy too. It's the way she grabs onto him while he continues his verbal self flogging that get's me.

Trying to ground him in this moment with her touch. Bring him back to her. Something that has worked so well in the past. Sadly not having the intended affect this time around. Tim is too damn gone at this point. He feels he’s betrayed everything he thought he was. THOUGHT he was. *heart clutch* Tim has such a deep moral compass. That's why this is rocking him so very much. Ugh my heart. I too have a crazy deep moral compass. I can't say I wouldn't be spiraling out like him as well.

This was his greatest sin brought to light. To Tim exposing him for the fraud he feels he is. Him saying he's been lying to himself for a long time is a reflection of this. That imposter syndrome coming out real strong here. Something he buried deep down came rushing to the forefront and he is imploding. Says as much above. He no longer feels worthy to be in her life now. I get this anytime I screw up with a friend or my sister. I have this deep sense of shame attached to it. Like I no longer deserve that friend or my sister cause I messed up or if a past sin comes up. That they'll no longer love me or will forever look at me differently cause of it.

It's not logical but it's deeply ingrained from my mom shaming me for doing anything wrong growing up. As it is for Tim. His father literally beat the hell out of him for ever being out of line. He has suffered emotional and physical abuse. Unless confronted and treated comes out like this. Demons making their way to the surface. I was bawling by the time he said 'I'm sorry.' He’s never seen himself worthy of Lucy’s love that much has always been evident. But to see it this raw and visceral ripped my heart out. It’s on the ground where they're both standing.

I think this is something that has been brewing in the background for Tim for a long time. Now that I've had time away to decompress and think. I'm actually very excited they're tackling this. It's clear Tim is not in a place where he thinks he deserves her anymore. Low key never has been. He acts before he thinks. Eric had a great quote from his interview about Tim "He is impulsive and he reacts instead of thinking things through, and it can come out a bit too strong.” That is this decision in a nutshell. He feels he is a burden therefore he is removing himself without thinking it through. The regret that is going to come with this is going to be immense for him.

'You deserve so much better.' Better than me basically. He feels immense shame and that shame is launching him away from her. You know I learned something in therapy about this. About not being perfect and feeling like I'm too much. i.e. a burden. My therapist told me and it made me cry. 'You are worthy of the space you take up in people's lives. They want you there.' Tim does not think he is worthy of the space he is taking up in Lucy's life now. All his sins on the table laid out for her to see. He can't handle it. That much is very clear here. I will say I haven’t let a ship hurt me like this in a long time.

This absolutely crushed me. I couldn't even fathom assembling my thoughts. Cut me very deep. Been with this ship since day one. Also what a crushing blow this is for Lucy. Our poor girl. I mean she gave everything to this relationship. I mean EVERYTHING. She was all in from the moment Tim said ‘Unless it is.’ This was her first real relationship. First real leap into being serious. Thinking about marriage and kids. She gave her all to Tim my god. Her career took a hit for him and she never complained. Knew he was worth it (he still is btw) Fought every step of the way for him. For them.

When he was pulling back above it was an absolute panic for her. She could see him slipping through her fingers. Idk what broke my heart more Tim thinking he’s not worthy of her any longer or her begging him not to do this. She literally can't fathom how he can let go of her like this. Thought she was his person. Tim feels he’s gone back to who he was pre-Lucy and that scares him. He feels undeserving of the love she has to give him. Lucy knows everything and in his mind he can’t imagine her still loving him.

Lucy was as we all were in this scene. In disbelief... Even though Tim put her though absolute hell she was still there to comfort and support him. Because to her he is worth it even in the hard times. We all know Tim isn’t the best with his emotions. In his trauma damaged brain he thinks he’s doing the right thing here. That he’s radioactive, she deserves better than being around him and his reckless behavior.

The kiss on her head. Lucy trying to physically push away his rejection. Stomping all over my damn heart...However this ends up playing out Tim is going to have to address his emotional instability. How he charges forward and doesn’t think things through. Ruled by his emotions in the worst way. He’s impulsive and he’s gonna have to fight to get her back when he’s in a better mindset. Her trust has been obliterated by this. She fought and clawed for them and this was her reward. He’s gonna have to do some serious healing to get back to her. Lucy has loved him the best she can but he needs to put in some work now. We see next ep he's meeting with Aaron's therapist. Don't love that but I’ve wanted Tim to go to therapy for years. He needs this. Therapy doesn’t work unless you put the effort in though.

That will be a challenge for him. When I get out of the purview of this hurt I’m feeling...I’m actually going to be really impressed and happy they had Tim go through this. Do I think this is the end of them? No I think this is some serious growing pains. It was issues that have been percolating since Lucy did that 5 player trade. Hell probably back in 5x12 when Tim sacrificed himself without telling her so they could stay together. I still think that was romantic because of it's intended nature. BUT was the beginning of the communication problems. They’ve grown so very much in that regard. We’ve seen it but there is still work to be done on that front. It just came to a very gutting painful head.

I still have faith in the writers. I still have faith they’ll be ok. It might not be right away and I'm already feeling impatient tbh. But this is some serious realism being applied to them. It wasn't some random BS angst. Honestly we’re lucky our ship gets the most attention, the best SL’s and two people who LOVE these characters. They absolutely adore them and this ship. If you haven’t read Melissa and Eric’s interviews for this episode I highly recommend. This sucks right now. No two ways about it. But we will survive this storm. They’ll come out stronger than ever. Truly believe that. But for now let's rally around each other and get through this together. There will be brighter days ahead just doesn't feel like it right now. We got this.

~~~

Side notes non Chenford.

Do love Aaron working with Harper all if of all I cared about other than their SL in this one. Nolan's I fast forwarded which I normally don't do but I had no patience for his BS in this ep lol My anxiety was rampant in this ep and had no space for him.

Also RIP Metro Tim for the 6x07 promo. This hurts to see not just cause I enjoyed him in that outfit lol But to see his career take a nosedive like this. I wanted more Tim back story. Didn’t think would hurt like this though....Feel free to comment I love you all for any interaction I get with these. <3

[batbabydamian]

🦇🐥 Batman and Robin (2023) #5 rambling and a conspiracy theory lol

tbh this is the most exciting issue for me since…the first one 💀 i’m going to talk about the story and art separately because Nikola Cizmesija’s one of my favorite action focused comic artists so this issue’s a treat 😭

Alfred used to mediate during a lot of Bruce and Damian’s early relationship, so it’s refreshing to see Bruce take more initiative involving himself in Damian’s life even if it’s for a case lol

a couple instances of Alfred’s fatherly support on behalf of Bruce and Damian from Batman and Robin (2011) #2, 4, 39 and Teen Titans (2016) #1

Damian seems to take Bruce's involvement more as a sign he’s not reliable rather than Bruce finally just. being around to help him. which is fair 😭

this is complementary to Cizmesija’s art, but i love this half of the page so bad 😭 the negative space and the shaded foreground with Damian mid-run gives this feeling of time kinda stopping for us to really feel the impact of Damian’s entrance AND the effect it has on Bruce, like!! that wide eyed expression in the below panel!! 😭

Bruce’s quiet “you can do it, son” to A FULL BODY CHEER OF “GO, DAMIAN!” Bruce witnessing Damian be great outside of Robin, and on top of that it’s just another mundane moment that Bruce has wanted with Damian 😭

this is such a goofy bully line sdfgh though the whole “broken” bit might be a callback to Batman and Robin (2011) #1, in that Bruce is really trying to do his job as a father here or i'm likely reading way too into it

SO the “shocking ending” of Zach being Zsasz’s kid was definitely a surprise but then got me wondering what is up with Williamson doing reveals of new kids for villains lol otherwise, the hints in the issue were neat!

the tally marks!! at least tallying blocks is pretty innocent compared to kills 😭

and Damian would recognize how Zsasz moves, since he’s personally fought him before in Streets of Gotham (2009)!! very much not in a sport, but uh maybe it was to Zsasz

the art!! first a shoutout to the colorist Rex Lokus for giving Damian his green eyes and maybe melanin (it didn’t look consistent throughout so i say maybe)!! 😭 also a Talia by Cizmesija!! even though this panel calls her a “not great” teacher…💀

SUCH A FUN PAGE 😭 i’ve been into montage scenes lately lol and i love how quickly Cizmesija establishes Damian’s routine - Tues, Wed, and Fri are the funniest for me!! Damian grumpily getting lectured by his teacher in the foreground while his classmate’s still visibly steaming from the hit he took LOL, DAMIAN’S BUG EYED STARE WITH HIS SUNGLASSES UP, and then Damian looming. stealthily. in a tree. while some kid is blatantly pointing him out HAHA 😭

Cizmesija’s use of motion lines and effects when conveying movement is so cool!! the shonen manga vibes jumps out!! the smoke/dust trails following the movements; the limbs and soccer ball having a sort of blur effect with the motion lines. V COOL.

which leads to my favorite part of Cizmesija’s work - HIS IMPACT SHOTS!!

more motion lines and effects!! the splatter effects!! the arcs!! the jolting impacts!! GRRAAHH!! the setup to that impact shot of Zach's block is so great, and then following with Damian's reaction!! i almost wish that "???" wasn't there, just because that expression of stunned silence already feels so loud!!

last thoughts about Cizmesija's art is that i'm really hoping for a showdown between Damian and Zach next issue because i need to see a Damian fight scene in Nikola Cizmesija-fashion 😭 we get a taste of it with Orca and soccer but i NEED MORE LOL for now, dropping the moment when Damian overpowers Zsasz, in Batman: Streets of Gotham #11 since it was such an epic moment

okay SLAPPING MY CONSPIRACY BOARD!! so on another note Principal Stone being Shush is starting to feel like a red herring and Ms. Heather Hall could actually be Shush. Shush’s main point about Damian as his instructor was emphasizing how much potential he has, but the “wrong” influence could affect that

Stone and Hall have made the same observation about Damian’s potential, but the difference is how they address that - one wants Bruce to be more involved while the other wants Bruce to back off

Stone acknowledged Damian can take care of himself but still wants Bruce to step up in Damian’s life; Hall says it’s okay to be a helicopter parent BUT implies giving Damian space (which we already know Bruce has given so much of after Alfred’s death to the point of neglect 😭)

Hall even suggests moving Damian on to college, which would estrange Damian further. also idk how Damian kicking his teammates/bullies asses at soccer is really “making friends” lol

and of all the subjects she’s teaching, it’s AP Biology - according to the current case Batman and Robin are working on, which is centered around DNA-sequencing, it makes Hall the perfect accomplice to Langstrom

this is where my brain started reaching because i laughed at first at how specific that comparison is, but then it just made me think of how Shush’s first introduction was sniping Bruce LOL anyway, Bruce’s reaction is me 😭

one more Cizmesija appreciation panel - the lil running effects behind Damian :)

[autistichalsin]

It goes without saying that Halsin's personality is more than meets the eye, and many players pass up the chance to get to know him better and to think deeply about the things he says. Finding people like you who try to convey how great this character is warms the heart.

But one thing remains... If only Larian gave us more options in dialogs with Halsin to allow him to open up, to be himself for just a couple of moments. Have you ever watched the scene between Karlach and Astarion about coming back to Avernus? He virtually cries if she refuses, accepting that he loves her, he is afraid to lose her, and he does not want to be alone anymore. And he is not ashamed about that.

I wish Tav could say that he or she wants just Halsin. Not the Archdruid, not the unmatched healer of the Emerald Grove, but Halsin. The way he is, without hiding his pain, fears, or worries. And there would be no shame in being vulnerable with your partner or changing into a bear all of a sudden.

Thank you for capturing such meaningful moments in relationships in your fiction. I am truly grateful and enjoying every part of it. You have managed to fill the emptiness left after the game. I'm looking forward to new chapters and wish you the best of luck!

It goes without saying that Halsin's personality is more than meets the eye, and many players pass up the chance to get to know him better and to think deeply about the things he says. Finding people like you who try to convey how great this character is warms the heart.

Thank you so, so much! Halsin is so much more complex than most realize and I'm so glad you enjoy my posts and fics. <3

But one thing remains... If only Larian gave us more options in dialogs with Halsin to allow him to open up, to be himself for just a couple of moments.

UGH, yeah. He needs more moments of being vulnerable. One I keep coming back to was cut from early access, where after he found Thaniel, he'd cry "oh my friend, my embrace could break you in two, such is my gratitude, but as you can see, my hands are full". Just such open emotion from him... I wish we still had that.

Have you ever watched the scene between Karlach and Astarion about coming back to Avernus? He virtually cries if she refuses, accepting that he loves her, he is afraid to lose her, and he does not want to be alone anymore. And he is not ashamed about that.

I have seen that. Halsin has a line, if romanced to her, where he says "do not yield, Karlach. The world has need for you yet- I have need for you yet. Please," and the little "please" sounds so broken. (Which just makes it more baffling that he refuses to accompany to her Avernus and is just kinda "lol w/e" about it. I could see him not being able to go, but he would. be so much more... guilty about it. For them having such warm interactions the rest of the time, this makes no sense at all.)

I wish Tav could say that he or she wants just Halsin. Not the Archdruid, not the unmatched healer of the Emerald Grove, but Halsin. The way he is, without hiding his pain, fears, or worries. And there would be no shame in being vulnerable with your partner or changing into a bear all of a sudden.

Agree. I want to be able to assure him he doesn't have to be anything or anyone else. Just Halsin is exactly what we want. Hell, just getting to verbally acknowledge his self-esteem issues would be huge!

Thank you for capturing such meaningful moments in relationships in your fiction. I am truly grateful and enjoying every part of it. You have managed to fill the emptiness left after the game. I'm looking forward to new chapters and wish you the best of luck!

Thank you so much!! I hope to update Too Many Burdens to Bear this week, and if all goes well maybe I'll be able to update Taken Sick too!!! Thank you for your kind message <3

[super-paper]

Could it be that Izuku thinking that in 420, was him trying to understand how smashing Tenkos spirit/vestige didn't affect AFO?? As in, Izuku was sure they were connect, so if one disappears the other should too. So when Tenkos spirit crumbles because of AFOs trump card, why didn't AFOs vestige leave too? (Although that still doesn't erase Izukus' ooc behavior.. and lack of total concern or intention to apparently save Tenko.) Then again, he did keep punching away at Tenkos body, so even if he only wanted to hit AFO, Tenko (or at least his body) was also getting hit. The only thing I can think of that paints Izuku in a slightly better light would be if he truly thought Tenko was gone and it was just an empty shell being used by AFO. But then he still didn't react at all during their dialogue.... or after seeing Tenkos vestige crumble away

Yeah, it's frustrating because I feel we just aren't getting enough insight into Izuku's personal thoughts and feelings to truly gauge what's going through his head and get a good sense of what his intentions were for this stretch of the story (420-423). There's just not enough focus on Izuku himself to point the readers towards any one conclusion, even though these chapters have ironically been all about Izuku and the mark he's made on the world.

Like... a lot of the chapters leading up to the climax of Izuku/Tenko's fight (417-419) involve the vestiges interjecting to narrate Izuku's thoughts/feelings/actions which... while I do like the vestiges, I feel like they ultimately took something away from Izuku and Tenko's fight and made it feel less intimate (for lack of a better word).

And because there's such focus placed on the vestiges and their reactions/dialog/conversations, it lends to the impression that Izuku himself has made very little effort to actually communicate with Tenko during their fight ("But Tenko was trying to kill him and wasn't interested in talking" like, fair enough, but this argument only goes so far when you compare Izuku and Tenko's fight to the fights between Ochako/Himiko + Shouto/Touya + Shouji/Spinner-- Ochako, Shouto, and Shouji both spend most of their fight trying to talk their villains down and don't give up on communicating even when their villains shout them down and attack them). Before 417-419, I believe all of Izuku's direct dialog to Tenko amounts to three lines: "I won't let you do that, but I won't ignore the you that was crying either" and "It's all connected, somewhere within you is a person" and "I already told you, I won't give up on that crying boy"-- which are all fantastic lines! But ultimately, I think the fans are justified in having wanted more from their fight. These are also lines that Izuku says in response to Tenko's statements-- they aren't Izuku attempting to initiate a conversation for himself.

Ultimately, 417-419 feel like the only truly intimate chapters between Izuku/Tenko, and these are the chapters where they both just start to finally understand each other-- only for things to immediately get cut short by AFO. Their arc feels painfully incomplete as a result.

Anyway, I'm still 100% convinced the chapter would have landed a helluva lot better with more introspection and focus on Izuku's feelings/reactions to Tenko specifically-- people would still (quite rightfully) be upset with Tenko's potential death, but like, I think there would be more willingness to approach this chapter as a potential fake out and more willingness to give the series the benefit of the doubt (of course if it's not a fake out I'll just evaporate myself lol).

Usually Horikoshi is excellent when it comes to utilizing composition + paneling + symbolism to convey the hidden emotions/hesitation of his characters (chapter 270 my beloved), which only adds to the disappointment. I'm hoping for some volume fixes, and I don't know if there might be something going on behind the scenes (like, if there's maybe a chapter limit that's restricting him because he only has enough story for one more volume and needs to condense things???). But for now, I'll just pray that the next chapter salvages things, even if it can't completely fix the damage 423 has done.

[smalltimidbean]

hi again! So I have a lot I wanna say following the anatomy post, as I'll be calling it, because even though it's fresh I read the whole thing and I'm glad we know more about the clones :D and also I assume now would be a good time to ask about because of how fresh it is. ANYWAYS let's get to it!

So I wanted to ask about these specific parts, and what I could tell from them:

To summarize, a clone bearing a toothy grin is threatening, and a clone sticking its tongue out/drooling/licking it lips is not threatening. This is the premise I worked under when I made this:

(In like, 2 minutes. I wonder if anyone can tell!)

As you can see, I added a few facial expressions that weren't mentioned l, and that I wonder their meaning in relation to what has already been stated. I think I can confidently predict what the first two mean, thanks to the fact that clones have made those facial expressions before. Though anyone is welcome to correct me if I'm wrong!

Closed-mouth and open-mouth smiles are not threats, unlike the toothy "smiles" which are. The quotation mark around "smile" in the original post(as well as a part of pep's toyhouse page(which didn't appear in the Tumblr post from several months past)) also indicate that the threatening smiles are not genuine, and so smiles without teeth are genuine expressions of joy.

The other one, though, seems to send somewhat mixed messages. That expression is saying both that "I am a threat" and "I am not a threat, " which when a applied to the only clone we ever see donning this face, Pep, is true. Though, whenever he smiles like that, it is genuine and not an attempt to threaten anyone. Is this because he's smiling at something or someone other than a fellow clone, and he knows that, in order to communicate the same emotion he has to make a different facial expression depending on if he's making it at clones on non-clones?

But uhh yeah :D hope this wasn't too long winded and that I made any sort of sense lol!

Yaya! I have a ton of clone info I wanna post, but I have been trying to figure out how/where to do that, so I might just unload it all here in chunks kjlfdkfg

Asking questions about clone stuff is alright, and it helps me figure out stuff, or point out if I have contradicted myself - which happens more than I would like kjfgkjfg

Although for these points, perhaps I spoke too broadly as this post was supposed to be on anatomy and not behaviour, but I guess I can't help myself kjdfgk - it is also why I did not mention other types of smile

But for clones there are genuine smiles, and there are threat 'smiles', like this;

Threat smiles are not expressions of joy, they are meant to convey 'I have teeth, and I will use them if you continue to upset me' or simply 'you are bothering me' if they are not showing teeth - whereas genuine smiles are just that, they are happy

If you add a tongue to a threat 'smile', it is still considered a threat due to other aspects like the eyes and stance etc, but more along the lines of either a submissive threat ('I am scared, please leave, or I will attack') or the clone is hungry ('I will eat you if approached, so back off for your own good') - but honestly it depends on the situation, sometimes clones already have their tongues out before threat 'smiling' and it ends up hanging out regardless dhfsdh

And yes, most of Pep's smiles have been genuine - there has been at least two with a threat 'smile' (both directed at or implied to be directed at Peppino) - but most of the time he is genuinely happy

It can be a bit confusing since clones are kinda animal, kinda people, so they get both that 'smiling is a threat' (animal side) and 'smiling is friendly' (people side) lfglgfd

When I make a post(s) on clone behaviours, I will be sure to make this more clear! But I still appreciate the questions!

[rollercoasterwords]

Hey so I just finished reading James’ interlude (it was amazing by the way!) and the u portrayed his aromanticism was so fascinating, def one of my portrayals. I saw u answering an anon and u mentioned (correct me if I’m wrong) that his aromanticism kinda comes from him being the chosen one, and how stuff like gender and sexuality are socially constructed. This is such an interesting concept to me coz I hear that language getting thrown around a lot but I never really understood what it meant.

It kinda reminded me of a convo I had with my transmasc friend. He said that if he had been born a boy he probably would have been transfem. At first I was pretty surprised, but then I thought abt it and realised that despite being a lesbian, if I had been born a boy I probably would have been gay. This revelation really stumped me coz, for context, Income from a conservative religious background, so I’ve always latched onto the idea that being gay is smth innate, or how God made me. But after that revelation,, I was like,,, maybe I can be straight if I try hard enough?? Liking girls is not smth innate within me?? Idk.

Sorry for the rambling lol but reading ur works always gets me thinking deeper abt these kind of topics. Probs has smth to do with u studying gender studies lol.

Anyways love ur work and have a good day <33

yeah i mean. i def think it's a good idea 4 everyone 2 spend time pondering & developing their own understanding of gender; ik mine has changed significantly over the course of my life & likely will continue 2 change as i grow older & learn more, etc.

i think one thing people tend 2 get stuck on is this idea that either ur born w ur identity (whether that's gender, sexuality, etc) baked in & have 2 discover it throughout ur life (bound up in the post-Enlightenment idea of a disembodied 'soul' or 'mind') OR it's all socially constructed, so it's completely made up/shaped by outside forces and we're all just playing pretend, etc. but that's really not what i mean when i say that i think of gender (& sexuality, etc) as socially constructed.

the best metaphor i have rn 4 explaining my own worldview is the idea of an accent. obviously, there is a material component to someone's accent: the shape of their mouth, their teeth--their ears, their hearing, etc. all of these physical & material factors influence how someone's accent might develop. but none of those factors really matter until placed within a social context--depending on where & how ur raised, ur accent will vary wildly, and it won't necessarily remain static throughout the course of your life. you & your family might have different accents; you might use a different accent to speak another language; your physical body might change in some way that affects your accent and the way u speak (stroke, hearing loss, etc). but there's no single, "true" accent inside of you waiting 2 be discovered and spoken. it's a socially constructed part of ur identity that develops throughout ur life, and can only be understood & have meaning attributed to it in a social context. and once u develop an accent, it feels as natural & as much a part of u as something like hair color, etc--it's not something u can just snap ur fingers & change, despite the fact that u weren't "born that way."

obviously, this is a metaphor, and there r many ways gender identity differs from accents--but i find it useful 4 helping illustrate in a tangible way what i'm talking abt when i say something is a "social construction." w james in wfrau specifically, what i was trying 2 say in that ask was not, again, that being "the chosen one" made him aromantic; rather, what i'm hoping 2 convey is that his experience growing up as "the chosen one" has fundamentally shaped his own understanding of his inability to experience/confusion surrounding romantic love (this is also why i avoid concretely labeling him as aromantic in the tags on the fic; it's not necessarily how he understands himself). he attributes this part of his identity to his understanding of himself as a "hero," i.e. someone who is not meant 2 prioritize any one person above The Cause/The Quest, bc his inability to grasp this concept of romantic love & reciprocate it does not align w normative understandings of love & so makes him feel ashamed & isolated & as though there's something "wrong" with him, & attributing this "broken" aspect of himself 2 the fact that he's meant 2 be a "hero" helps him reconcile w this piece of his identity that he otherwise doesn't understand how 2 qualify. again, i'm less concerned w whether there's some inherent "aromanticism" baked into him or whether he'd feel the same/identify the same way in different circumstances; what i'm interested in is looking at how this specific character has been shaped by these specific circumstances. hope that makes sense lol also ty glad ur enjoying the fic!

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hey all!!

I've been trying to write this post for forever but uhhh yes I suppose it's a lot easier to do a quick primer first but uhh

I'm so so sorry I don't answer asks! And I want to change that soon.

[a LONG post about autism, blog updates, and PDA]

TL;DR: I have Pathological Demand Avoidance, but I'm growing from it and hope to become more social on here in the near future!

If you've seen me asks or messages, I promise I don't hate you!! I love you!! I'm so serious

Soon I plan on making a longer post explaining what I've been preoccupied with, and also changes I want to make to this blog in the near future (all small and good!)

But to put it shortly -

I've been suffering from Pathological Demand Avoidance SO HARD and it's been something I've struggled with for some time.

If you don't know Pathological Demand Avoidance - or more accurately named Pervasive Drive for Autonomy - is a profile of autism:

In short though - because asked to do something, ANYTHING, even indirectly makes my brain stall. I know it sounds ridiculous.

It's not even in a cute anarchist 'I don't have to listen to you!!' type of way. Fam it's. EVERYTHING.

It's not so much the activity that's triggering it. I LOVE talking to people so much, but... like, speaking in conversation is like a demand. Someone calling my name is a demand, doing homework, showing up to places on time, brushing my teeth everyday etc.

It's often why young children with autism may not respond to you talking to them, say 'I can't do x, my legs don't work!!', hide when expected to do things, literally REFUSE to go to school (big me thing), etc.

It's linked to the diagnosis (and misdiagnosis) of 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder'.

That's why I may seem very extroverted (which I am!! ILY!!!) but I don't ever appear to talk to anybody or react to them.

For example - It's more likely for me to add to a tag game if I'm not tagged because when I am, I feel really happy to be thought of but then 'Oh God I have to do a thing. Not right now but soon. The thing I have to do. That eventually must be done. I have committed and I must Do Something. Me doing the thing is approaching. The inevitable thing. That must be done. The inescapable thing'.

ON & ON regardless of what it is. I'm not opposed to doing whatever it is, the demand could be completely self-imposed. I'm just opposed to doing something.

Anything preplanned, asked, or expected of me.

That's why I often abandon fics, or say I'll write an essay and then don't do it. I still remember, but finishing the essay becomes a self imposed demand and then.. I can't do it lol

All in all - this can kinda make notifications really hard for me.

@spidey-bie can tell you, even in discord I'm a little lurking gremlin who is only summoned at inopportune moments and when someone has pissed me off

Usually, my response is ALWAYS flight. I may like an ask or message and enjoy it, even have a response in mind - but instead of answer my immediate reaction to is abort mission and FULLY close the app and find the nearest corner, or try my best to appear offline.

IT'S WEIRD.

I have no idea if others will understand what I'm trying to convey because I know the concept may sound bizarre, and I get that. It really was a concept I only really learned about recently.

But that's why I mean seem very talkative and hyperverbal and bubbly but also like never appear to be social with anyone ever.

PDA is like -

Me: oh wow this person is so sweet. I consider them a friend, I should message them back.

My brain: Yeah.

Me:... message them back.

My brain: fuck you. anyway write an essay literally no one demanded

Me: Why? Can I at least write that fic that I left hanging for eight months

My brain: No someone complimented you on that once and now there's Demand. Write something 100% unrelated.

Me: *starts writing an essay no one asked for and doesn't even finish it because finishing it has become a demand even though I'm the only one who even knows the essay exists in the first place*

Like girl be so fr. Even saying this I feel like it sounds like a lie 😭 I got Hobie brain. Some old 'I'll do it but not because you told me to' headass.

I'm Miguel and my brain wanna 'Nah imma do my own thing' on some Miles shit.

Guess how many drafts I have. Guess. WRONG. TWO HUNDRED.

Nah be forreal is that normal? Y'all got that or nah? Is that common I'm being deadass 😭😭

And girl I'm not even gonna show the number in my inbox cause I'd rather be tarred and feathered than indure that humiliation imma be honest 😐 rather be burned at the stake

But I know that me being so active and like... Not Responding can be very hurtful and I'm so sorry!!

Though I know that didn't make up for it. I know it can make me come off as fake or mean but that's not my intention at all, I promise.

Honestly I just have a brain where everyday feels like opposite day.

But I'm a grown ass person and uh!! I want to change that response.

So please don't stop replying or tagging me in things! I genuinely do love it 💖

This blog is really one of my favorite places in planet Earth and I love this community SO SO MUCH.

Going forward I want to invest more time here and just meta writing in specific.

I'm thinking (girl I'm phrasing this SO CAREFULLY so my brain doesn't think it's a demand like shh I hope the autism doesn't hear me) -

I'd like to maybe designate a day for asks to be answered/queued (as many as I can pump out) because I really love talking with y'all and y'all have SUCH good ideas

I'm hoping to do more Spidersona stuff but I'MA HAVE TO PACE MYSELF OKAY that's not a Demand autism we're just having nice hopeful thoughts NOT A DEMAND

So uhh I don't know how I'll encorporate more Spidersona stuff but yeah... It'll happen.

Other stuff too. Other stuff.

[Notice how I have to be like 'I'm hoping, I'm thinking, I might, I'd like to,'. I'm ALLERGIC to 'I will' 🤢🤢🤢]

I plan on making another life update post just to clear up some things maybe talk more specifics. I'm thinking Tuesdays or Thursdays -

I'll most likely close my ask just to pump out the asks that are still relevant time wise.

I'd also like to take more about PDA in short posts of if anyone is interested. Honestly, I think there are some advantages to PDA.

YES I HEADCANON HOBIE AS HAVING IT.

I DON'T FOLLOW ORDERS NEITHER DOES HE.

Save me Hobie.. Hobie save me (I be using him to internally justify my PDA.. 'like Hobie wouldn't want me to answer this linkdin email' 😭😭)

BUT UHHHH If you read this far and you're still here I LOVE YOU YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME HOBIE BE UPON YE

I truly appreciate you, thank you for hearing me out!

Hobie says remember to be a public nuisance and never cooperate with anything and leave the function early and steal

I'm gonna go do something that doesn't matter and that no one asked for that I probably won't finish for no reason :) (/pos)

Bye.

[dipplinduo]

Me, about to go to bed: I should check Tumblr fir-

Dipplinduo: ahaha wanna know what would be crazy? *posts 2 chapters*

Me:…

Needless to say, I’m a little tired right now lol. I was VERY excited when I saw that you decided to ignore everyone and make a mess. I love angst, you should make more <3.

BUT, I was VERY happy when 11 started with a battle! As someone who spends her free time EV and IV training her Pokemon, the battling aspect of the games ALWAYS gets me excited. Will say though, Crispin was my least favorite battle lol. Nothing against the guy, but my Ceruledge has flash fire, and the boost it gets from fire moves plus sunny day wiped his team, even with the type null.

The fact that Juli gets so into battles she didn’t even notice the people around them was a nice little add too! Nice little characterization that adds to her I think.

But Kiki’s DREAM. He’s CONNECTED TO PECHARUNT. Maybe he has been for years now! And Pecharunt is the reason his moms gone!? OH MY GOSH. This peach is RUINING this family. (Also, is Kiki’s mom a Bug trainer? So cool. One of my fav pokemon is Vivillion so it’s nice to see bug representation)

But, not much else to say beyond that. The fluff from 12 was pretty cute. We finally got a Julibee, my heart is melting lol!

And poor sour apple, my boy is fighting for his LIFE to get sweet to like him lol. What did he DO to make her HATE HIM (ToT)

Overall. 10/10 once again. I had fun ignoring my sleep schedule for this one lol

The beginning of your ask was so goddamn funny that I had to read it out loud to my lil scheming group who schemes and memes with me LOL

"I love angst, you should make more <3."

...:)

I'm glad you liked the battle scene, I for one dislike them (whether reading or writing) but wanted to try to make it interesting-ish regardless. And WOW what a massive L moment for Crispin against that mon of yours, that's a decided match right there lol

And yess! I love that it was conveyed well. I'm mostly playing off of Drayton's commentary on how the player seems to have a really serious look in their eye when battling.

Peach is indeed breaking the family, and the world may never know because she is now long gone :') APPLIN LOOREEEEE I hope you've gotten some rest, thank you for the fun review lol <3