#i hope you'll be okay

[waywardstoryenthusiast]

So, I need to vent. Strictly speaking I’ve already vented, but I want to leave that vent here. One of my favorite fic authors deleted their Ao3 account, and I decided to try and work through my feelings by writing them down. Now that I’m done with that, I don’t want to just delete everything, but I also don’t want to just leave it sitting around and gathering dust. So I’m going to post it here, under a cut. I’ve decided to make it unregbloggable and cause it’s kind of personal, but I would like if whoever reads it could drop a like, just so I know. Be nice to know if I’m not screaming into the void. I also originally typed this up at work between taking calls, so that’s likely the reason for any weirdness. And I’m rambling. Fuck everything.

Okay, last thing before the rant: The author I’m referring to has put up with some shit, which is why they’ve deleted. I went back and forth between leaving their name in or not, or tagging. I eventually decided to leave their name, but will not be tagging them. They made it sound like they won’t be on tumblr anymore, and even if they were this is mostly something I wrote for me. I’ve left a message of support for them already. I don’t want them to have to deal with anything else.

So Glimmerglanger deleted their ao3 account due to dealing with a lot of awful messages and comments. And I'm upset, and struggling to process. So I'm going to try and walk through what I'm feeling, why and what I can do.

It's all a bit of a tangled knot, so I'm going to start with my more

selfish reasons to be upset. I'm angry and sad that I won't be able to

read any of those fantastic stories again. I loved reading them,

they've become such a staple of my reading. Whenever I needed a pick me up or a break I would go back to their stories. Sometimes I would be looking for something in particular, and sometimes I would just go through their entire catalogue. Any time they had a new fic, even if it was just a drabble I would wait with baited breath. I always

enjoyed their writing, and now it seems it's all gone.

 And I feel selfish, upset and disappointed with myself because of

that. Because they're their stories, they can do what they want with

their stories. And it sounds like they had excellent reasons to do

what they did. It's not fair to be upset with them for protecting

themselves. But I am angry with them. I'm frustrated and upset that I

didn't get any warning so I could download the fics. And I suppose I'm upset with myself for not downloading them sooner. Silly, since I

didn't know this was coming, but it seems better than being upset with them when they're going through a tough time.

And another reason I'm upset with myself, is how reticent I was with

leaving comments. I kept telling myself I would go back and do it, and now it seems like I wasted too many chances. Maybe it wouldn't have changed anything, but at least we could have had those interactions. Glimmer was one of those authors who always responded to commenters and I loved that. (Not that not responding is a bad thing! Authors already give a lot just by posting, they're not obligated to respond.) I really enjoy having conversations with authors about their writing, and I always looked forward to 'talking' with Glimmer. I think one of

my biggest flaw is being too timid and missing opportunities. Not

leaving comments may seem like a small opportunity, but it mattered to me. And even though I tell myself that it may not have changed their final decision, I can't help but wonder if me leaving more comments (cause I think the only fics of theirs I didn't read read are the ones with a pairing I didn't like or looked too angsty. And I loved all the ones I read enough to want to leave comments, I just kept telling myself I would do it on my next re read, when things were fresh) would have made things at all better for them. If having some good comments may have contributed to making things a little easier or giving them a bit of happiness. I feel guilty. (Course, I also feel guilty about how much I'm making this about me and my feelings.)

And what really infuriates me about all of this was how avoidable it

all was. I've had fics that bugged me. I've started fics that

infuriated me. Where the authors characterization choices drove me up the wall. I've read fics that had me wondering if the author

read/watched the same thing I did. Sometimes when I think of these

fics they still frustrate me. But you know what I did? I clicked the

back button and I went to read something I would enjoy. (Ironically,

sometimes that meant going back to an old favorite, like

Glimmerglanger's works) The worst I would do is write a vent post

(that I might not even post) or reblog someone else's vent post. If

not that, I would start writing an idea for my own fic. I would never

leave a mean or cruel comment. I honestly cannot fathom people who feel like that is a constructive use of their time. It just doesn't

make sense.

Well that's most of my vent done (for now). Now to figure out what to

do. I noticed at least one person mentioned that they downloaded some of their work. I may ask around and see if anyone has their fics in a few days. Not now, it seems disrespectful so soon.

And you know what? I think I will post the comments I wrote out but

never sent. It's unlikely that Glimmer will ever see them, but just on

the off chance. And even if they don't, I don't like the idea of just

deleting them or leaving them in my notes to haunt me.

I'll also try to leave at least a few comments on any fics that do

live open on my phone. (And maybe download a few, just in case!)

Authors give a lot, they deserve what little I can give back.

I feel a bit better. A bit more settled. I'll try to do do a bit of

what I said tonight, and check back in in the morning. (5/4 pm)

I feel sick. Course, I think it's largely due to the news about

Buttons. She made it to at least 18, which I think is pretty old for a cat. But she stopped eating. And we had to make that choice. (And I realize after looking at the dates, it's barely been a year since we had to let Pixie go. And she wasn't even half Button's age. Fuck.) But talk about timing. Could really have used some comfort

right around then. But I really don't want to be upset at glimmer.

Cause none of this is their fault. They had to make the best choice

for them, same as we had to make the best choice for her. The timing

is just awful. And I'm not sure if I should continue writing this,

cause I'm starting to get choked up. And that's not really something I

can afford to do at work. But I feel like I need to get this out now.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. I'm not sure if

this is really about glimmer anymore. Or at least not only. I guess I

got home still feeling off after finding out, and then I got hit with

having to make that decision. And now the two things are just kind of

hopelessly tangled together. And I'm not sure how to untangle them.

I did go ahead and leave a few comments on other fics that basically live on my phone, like glimmer's did. It made me feel a little

better. Maybe I'll try to leave some more. It helps take my mind off

things, a little bit. Focusing on other fics and what I like about

them and trying to put it into words. I hope I get a reply or two. I

know that's not the reason I'm commenting, but I could use some

connection.

I also kind of want to pick up Crush again. Maybe not the best idea,

since I already feel pretty bad. But maybe it would be nice to read

the words, to feel less alone in my head, with these feelings. My

insides feel like a bruised peach. Twisted, squishy and raw. Or maybe

a tenderized bit of meat would be a better analogy. I probably

shouldn't have decided to listen to the sadness playlist. But

listening to anything happy feels disingenuous and discordant. Same

urge that led me to find those loving death comics again. Needed to

feel understood. Was a bit cathartic.

Still feeling upset. Think this one is going to linger for a while. We really lost a star. I can't blame glimmer for making the best choice for themselves. And I don't, I'm not just saying that. I just keep falling into this 'feel sorry for myself' pit. Course, as mentioned the timing was awful. I probably would have been reaching for some of glimmer's fics for comfort anyway. But it's like a bruise that I keep forgetting about and poking. I've tried not to think about it, when I'm not doing this, to try and let it settle. I tell myself, 'Don't think about this other thing,' which I figure works better than trying, 'Don't think about Glimmer having to leave.' Reverse psychology I guess. And it kind of works. But it's a loose tooth, I keep worrying at it, even though I know I shouldn't. And I keep wanting to ask around and see if other people have downloads of the fics they would be willing to share. But that just makes me ashamed of myself. It just seems selfish and disrespectful, especially so soon after they deleted. I won't lie to myself, I probably will try at some point. But I want to exert some self control, and not go hounding folks so soon after it happened.

I think I may post this after all. It may be a bad idea, and I

probably won't let it be reblogged. But I feel the need to be seen. To

be heard. (5/5 am)

I just really foolish. I keep asking myself why I didn't leave more

comments or download the fics when I had the chance if I loved them so much? Logically, in regards to the comments, I know it's because I'm a bit of a procrastinating perfectionist. I liked their fics enough that I wanted to be certain I got things right. I'd make little notes to myself, and say I'd come back later. I assumed they would always be there, which is also the reason I never downloaded them. Now I feel naive. And trying to make my peace with the fact that I may never see these fics again. I keep trying to press them all into my memory so I don't forget, though maybe it would be better if I could.

These feelings just keep sneaking up on me. And I keep feeling like

I'm making mountains out of molehills. Glimmer is the one who was really hurt by all of this. And that's another thing I keep trying to wrap my head around. I've always thought there fics were great, it's hard to

believe people would send such awful comments to them. I don't mean that I don't believe left horrible comments, I just can't understand what they would have to make comments about? Course, if people want to be nasty they don't need a reason, just an excuse. But it's still messed up. (5/6 am)

I think that's all now. This may have been a bit silly, it's not like glimmer is dead, they're just gone. But what happened to them sounded awful. They deserved better. And as I type this, I wonder if this is why I'm so hesitant about actually sitting down and writing out my ideas. Cause if I do, I'll want to post them. And I can honestly say, I'm scared of people's opinions. I have a thin skin. But that's another day's problem.

I'm also trying to avoid the main fandom I read stuff of theirs from.

It's still just a little too closely intertwined for me at the moment.

Not easy, it's one of my preferred fall backs, currently. But it is what it is.

Well, don't think I have anything else to say. At least, nothing that wouldn't be repeating myself. I think I'm less sad now. I think things will be better. I just wish it hadn't come to this, for glimmer's sake.

[michaeldrawrrett]

GOBLIN WEEK MOVES INEXORABLY ONWARD: The Motley Knight Kagrasz Vecksplasian leans on his Dragon-Slaying Pikeblade in his PATCHWORK RAIMENT, his GLISTENING ARMOURED CODPIECE, and adopting his traditonal JAUNTY POSE. A loosely-organised union of farmworkers turned itinerant Sellswords (And also Sellspears, Sellaxes, and even Sellshovels if no swords are available), they are renowned for their quick wits, fast hands, and a strong aversion to colour coordination

[wolfiery]

— richard siken, detail of the woods

[ride-a-dromedary]

#also *is* it canon that he’s like 7ft at least?? bc he has to be#average elf height is 6ft I know this bc. yknow. I’ve read the elf parts of the 5e descriptions#and iirc bg3 moooooostly follows that#so everybody saying ‘oh Halsin is 6ft tall’ THATS NOT EVEN TALL FOR AN ELF THAT IS AVERAGE

@whatever-man-whatever I have been summoned!!

The short answer is no; Halsin's height has not been canonically confirmed in game as far as I'm aware (though I would be a little dodgy if it was anyway, and you'll see why in a moment, but mainly due to the fact that because Halsin is still considered a medium creature, as an elf, the game lists his weight as 75KG - look me DIRECTLY in the eye and tell me that man is 165lbs). And, as far as I am aware, there hasn't been any confirmation of his height from Larian either (though I am happy to be corrected if they have).

But you know whose height has been canonically confirmed? Astarion's. And you know that that leads to? The long answer, which is: logical approximation time with yours truly.

Larian tweeted Astarion's height as being 5'9" in 2021:

Which is slightly contradicted by the fact that, when playing as a Gith character in the full release, you can choose the option to describe Astarion literally to him when he asks:

Which - while understandably says 'approximately', so it is just a logical guess on Tav's part - obviously contradicts what Larian indicated previously by implying he's 5'11". Likely this was changed in the two years, or just tossed out there as a joke, or genuinely just mixed up (but I much prefer the 'gith count hair as height or are just not very good at height estimation' and @winter2468's theory that Astarion just wears lifts in his shoes).

However, what this does give us is a point of reference, with the possible height range of Astarion (and I suppose by extension the lithe elf body type in player characters) being somewhere between 5'9" and 5'11" (both a little on the taller side of the average for an Elf in 5e descriptions, but very tall for - say - 3e descriptions).

Now, this has to be taken with a grain of salt because all of the smaller male body types are the same height, so a visual doesn't necessarily say TOO much, however:

(Note that this is the two of them standing side by side in their idle pose, which means they are balancing weight on one of their hips, cocking it to the side. Astarion's idle pose also has him lifting his chin considerably, which makes him look a little taller. These both affect the measurement slightly but bear with me. I have also made an estimation as to where Astarion's skull would actually begin in relation to the bouffant of his hair)

So what this immediately tells me is that Halsin cannot be only 6ft - he stands significantly taller than an individual who is allegedly between 5'9" and 5'11"

A few more for good measure:

(The left bottom image is Astarion standing straighter with Halsin still bent at the knee - I have also noted that Halsin's left shoulder slopes lower than his right when standing idly)

So it's evident, by visual average, Astarion stands pretty consistently at about Halsin's shoulder. The only times they don't stand at this same relation in height difference is in character sheet screens (and level up screens by extension):

Which is what I meant by a little dodgy in visual base, so for the sake of this we'll keep outside of menus.

The average height between the shoulder and the top of a head is approximately 1 ft (with of course variations of neck length and head size in between, but let's stick with average for ease)

THEREFORE - if it looks to be that Astarion stands pretty consistently at the height of Halsin's shoulder, give or take an inch or two, Halsin is approximately about a foot taller than he is. And if Halsin is about a foot taller than he is, and Astarion's canonical height sits somewhere in the range of 5'9" - 5'11", that leads to reason that Halsin stands at somewhere in the range of 6'9" - 6'11".

(The other source of this conclusion is that I feel it in my heart that Halsin is pushing 7ft because I reason his height would need to be significantly above average for everyone to make a comment on it)

[starfireandthistledown]

can you do jealousy/possessive prompts or aus? thanks!

Absolutely! Not really a fan of the possessive side, but I can do some jealousy prompts all day long. Hope you enjoy! :)

Person A sees Person B, their crush, talking to their mortal enemy, Person C, and immediately assumes that B and C must be having some kind of romance. This makes them hate C even more and causes some resentment towards B.

Person A knows, absolutely knows deep down that Person B would never cheat on them, but they can't help the twinge in their heart every time they see B talking easily with someone else.

Person A is very socially awkward and self-conscious about it, which makes them think that their partner Person B is always looking for someone new.

Person A notices Person B talking to someone else at a party and immediately swoops in with an arm around B's waist to claim them as their own.

Person A can feel their temperature rising a degree every time Person B dances with someone else at a party, finally culminating in them cutting in and not letting B dance with anyone else the rest of the night.

Person A has mind-reading abilities and gets irritated every time they can sense Person B is thinking about someone else.

Person A can hardly blame anyone for being attracted to their hyper-attractive partner Person B, but that doesn't mean they have to like it.

Person A is in love with Person B, who is in a committed relationship with Person C. Person B is unaware that A is absolutely seething every time they are affectionate with C. (or for bonus spicy points, B absolutely is aware that A is jealous and plays it up so that A will reveal their feelings).

Person A knows that Person B likes them but is too shy to let them know, so they start actively flirting with Person C to get A to make a move out of sheer jealousy.

Person A gets aggravated every time Person B hurries through a conversation or situation together, convinced that B is having an affair with someone else.

[renabe4life]

Could Be Good

For @whatacartouchebag When I was deciding what to draw for you this time, a handful of scenes came immediately to mind. All from this fic of yours, so you have no one to blame but yourself >w> A special present for a special bean (who means the world to me) on their special day. Hope you like it ♡

Also because I can >:))) FGW2024 Day 6 – Secret/Confession

[cordiallyfuturedwight]

DIMPLE -> was it a mistake made by an angel? or a deep kiss? (cr. namuspromised)*:･ﾟ⋆ .

[shuploc]

I will be posting a little Astarion piece later today! 🤗

[fareehaandspaniards]

Happy birthday, @jarognieva !!!! I am late, work takes all my time, but in any way!!!

I am happy I know you! Hope that one day I will be able to hug you IRL, but for now I do it mentally 🥺

[uncanny-tranny]

It's actually kind of heartbreaking how many people feel their life has ended right after high school or college, and honestly, the heavy romanticization of that period of time is so overwhelmingly predominant that it can be hard to avoid. It's insidious to constantly be told that ages 10-24 are the only worthwhile parts of life, that everything after is essentially meaningless and dull.

It's hard not to look around you and think that your life still is open and full of potential when you're told over and over again that the rose-tinted childhood is the last time you were alive. It's hard to realize that your life isn't over when you walk off the stage of your graduation.

We must realize that we will always be full of potentials. Your life won't be over until you take your final breath, and then? That's simply another chapter in your story, one of many. Let yourself realize that you're alive in the here and now. There will be good and bad, but never a complete loss of potential or hope.

[snoodlebooper]

i might have some brain worms right now,,,, i am planning some stuff but i wont go too far into bc spoilers >:]c

half baked story and spoilers for the book under the cut

ok, so in the story of I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream, AM "wakes up" and decides to take over the world and kill every person on the planet accept for 5 people, deciding to torture them for eternity purely bc of how much he hates humanity. Home doesn't really "wake up" and take over but more or less decides to trap everyone within his walls during a party inside him, never opening his doors to the outside world again. In this au, he's grown sick and tired of the same-old same-old and has grown bitter and hateful with everyone, including Wally. He's not built as a computer in this story but more as he's "rooted" in the ground and he expands Wally's house into an endless void, creating a new and dangerous world for everyone to live in forever.

Home ranks himself as a vengeful god, just like AM, and takes great pleasure in creating a living hell for the neighbors inside. They can never die because Home stitches them back up before they can try and escape. Wally blames himself for Home's actions and has grown extremely paranoid from Home taunting him. There's definitely some bad blood between the two and no one can figure out why. Wally hallucinates quite a bit from the many years of endless paranoia, leaving him wondering if anything he sees or hears is real or not. So he relies on Barnaby to calm him down and ground his reality, but the pooch can only do so much for the little guy.

Barnaby has become quite the grumpy old man, never really finding a reason to crack jokes or smile anymore. He's lost a lot of hope in finding a way out and just wants it all to end. Seeing too many horrors and experienced too many pains, it all becomes way too much for anyone to bare. Especially after 109 years. But he tries to be there for his friends and for Wally.

okay that's it for now! i'll definitely be making more and sharing more info on the story and the rest of the neighbors as time goes on.

[lesbiankordian]

ID in alt, translation: ranpoedgw !!

ONCE AGAIN I LOVE THE PANELS IN BSD bc the text suits both Fyodor and Sigma!!!

[tinystepsforward]

if we were mutuals or irls before matt flipped his shit three days ago i am very sorry about what my blog has inadvertently become

[hamsterarts]

It always seems more quiet in the dark

[thasorns]

MARC PAHUN AS HIN & CHAAIM ALONGKORN AS PAYU IN CHAINS OF HEART (2023), dir. Term Rungradit Rungamonwanit (for @zhaozi​ ❤)

[the-stars-like-to-visit]