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#i just couldnt stop thinking about this so i had to make it so it didn't drive me nuts
bridgyrose · 2 days
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Weiss assumes everyone has ridden a horse/pony before... only to find that the only person who doesn't fall off in the first five minutes is Jaune.
“Oh come on, it’ll be fun,” Weiss said as she walked her friends over to the corral with a smile on her face. “This is going to be a nice and relaxing day to take our minds off finals.” 
“And how, exactly, is horseback riding relaxing?” Yang asked. 
Weiss stopped at the gate and looked back at her friends. “Why wouldnt it be relaxing?” 
“Because its an animal that can potentially break our necks?” Jaune asked more than he said. “I dont know if this is a good idea.” 
“You have nothing to worry about.” Weiss opened the gate and took the reins of one of the horses. “Its easy enough to ride them and these horses have been trained to let people on them. Plus, there’s ranch hands at the ready in case anything spooks the horses. Everything about this today is going to be safe.” 
Nora walked over to one of the horses. “If Weiss says its easy, how hard could it be?” 
Weiss nodded and watched as Nora got up onto the horse… and then slipped off when she couldnt get her footing in the stirrups. With a heavy sigh, she walked over and helped Nora get steady before taking a few steps to let Nora try to get the horse moving. Then, she watched as the others tried their hands. Blake seemed to get up the easiest, but couldnt seem to stay steady once the horse started moving. Ren and Pyrrha struggled with getting up onto it, Pyrrha worried about hurting it and Ren unable to keep his balance. Even Ruby and Yang, the two she would’ve expected to ride a horse easily, struggled to get onto their horses correctly or even to stay on while the horses were moving. 
She pinched the bridge of her nose. “Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought…” 
“Not our faults that we’ve never ridden a horse before,” Ruby said as she held her horse by the neck to keep stable. “Some of us have only watched it in shows or movies.” 
“It shouldnt be *that* hard to ride a horse.” 
“Its not, but sometimes it takes a bit for people to really learn how to do it,” Jaune said. 
Weiss looked over at him, expecting for him to be falling off, only to be surprised to see that he seemed to be the only one of her friends that was capable of riding a horse. Even as he brought the horse to a quick trot, he seemed to hold on fine and almost professionally as he kept himself up right and gentle with the horse. “Where… where did you learn to ride like that?” 
Jaune brought the horse to a stop next to Pyrrha and got off to help her up. “My parents had a friend who owned horses and would ask us to help take care of them. Riding lessons were put up as payment, so my sisters and I all learned how to ride a horse.” 
“I guess that makes sense.” Weiss watched her team continue to struggle with their own horses and started to make her way towards them. “You want to help your team while I help mine?” 
Jaune nodded. “Sure thing.” 
Weiss paused for a moment as she watched Jaune make his horse trot over to Nora. It was almost too easy to envision him as a knight from the romance novels she read, a blush crossing her cheeks when she thought about it. If he were to bulk up and get a set of armor that fit him-
“W-Weiss!” Ruby called out from hanging under her horse. “A-a little help?” 
Weiss shook her head as she was pulled out of her own thoughts and started to make her way over. “How did you do that?” 
“I tried to get on and I dont think I set the saddle on quite right.” 
“Its not that hard. Just drop to the ground and we’ll set it right.” 
“I dont think I-” Ruby winced as she dropped on the ground. “Nevermind!” 
Weiss pinched the bridge of her and took a deep breath. “This will be a relaxing day… as soon as I teach them how to stay on their horses correctly.”
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sturniolo04 · 3 days
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The Confession 1 C.S.
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Fwb!Mean!Chris x Fwb!Fem!Reader
A/N: I tried something different :)
*Really long you have been warned.
I dont even know how I ended up in this position. One minute my best friend Madi thinks she likes both Matt and Chris and the next she is 100% Matt. Me and Madi are super close I mean we practically grew up together and when we met the triplets in Boston everything changed, our circle grew just a little bit bigger. Lately, I haven't been the best friend to Madi just because I have been neglecting to confess to her about my secret crush on Chris and I am not the type to run over her if she knows she likes Chris because who am I to tell her she can't like him especially since I haven't told her that I did.
its about 1:50 in the morning and by this time Madi had walked all the way to a park and found a bench to sit and bawl her eyes out she couldnt figure out why she was feeling this bad whether it was that she couldnt articulate how she hurt Matt and Chris or if it is was because she cant choose between chris and matt she knows them both equally for a long time. sighing looking down at her phone finally deciding to call the one person she knew is always there. Holding in my tears as the dial tone rings hoping she wasnt asleep yet.
"Hello Madi"
jess speaks into the phone
"Jess"
she states through choked tears
"Madi what's going on love what happened" 
"i messed up really bad and i dont know what to do"
she exclaims letting her tears fall
"Madi"
"I like chris and matt and ive might have messed up our friendship"
"no madi you didnt okay i promise you didnt they are still your friends and they love you"
you quickly reply feeling that heavy feeling in your chest again as she still thinks she like chris.
"i dont know"
she replies through a fit of tears
"its okay promise try to get some sleep and you will feel so much better tomorrow i promise"
you reply reassuring her.
"okay goodnight"
she sniffles out
"goodnight i will see you when you get back home "
she hung up from jess and sighed out once more calming her nerves proceeding to walk back to the house. as she made her way into the driveway sitting back on the concrete driveway where the night officially started 
"MADI"
you exclaim softly seeing her sitting on the driveway
"hi"
she replies quietly as she turns around to look at you
"i was so worried are you okay"
you ask again.
"im sorry"
you sigh squatting down and hugging her then sitting down next to her
"i fucked things up didnt i"
she huffs out
"what no well i mean chris and matt are not speaking to each other currently but i mean whats new"
you sigh out since madi basically confessed to both of them on the same night and them both finding out in this driveway tonight.
" but it was my fault im the reason they are mad at each other"
"no no youre not okay they are just being them okay they will grow up"
you reassure her
"but i mean i told you had feelings for chris too"
you state smirking trying to shake the heavy feeling in her stomach at that sentence.
"jesss"
"you know i love you"
you say side hugging her
'well im going to bed you think youre going to be okay"
"yeah thanks j" 
"okay"
you say standing up and walking back into the house as madi rests her head on her arms positioned on top of her knees as someone comes and sits next to her quietly
"hi matt"
she speaks softly out noticing his presence
"hey"
"im sorry"
"why you were just being honest" 
he sighs out
"i do really like you" 
she confesses again
"no madi you and chris are perfect and honestly it makes he was at least able to communicate how he feels about you without being oblivious about it im not the one you need madi you are way out of my league and im okay with that honestly"
he sighs out rambling
"what the actual fuck matt stop youre  out of my league why do you just automatically assume your not good enough" 
she exclaims frustrated standing up and wrapping the blanket you had brought her getting upset
"madi no youre not out of league okay just stay"
he says pulling her hand down a little as she sighs and sits back down as matt pulls me into him connecting our lips guiding her on his lap in the process. He tangled his fingers through her messy hair as he continue to make out with her. Her hands wrapped around his neck tightly as he stood up carrying her back into the house. shepulled away quickly he closed the door behind them and set her back on her feet.
"Matt if-if"
she trails of whispering
"wait"
he stops her as he pulls his and her shoes off leaving them downstairs as he swiftly picks her up again by her thighs taking her upstairs to her room quietly being sure not wake up anyone especially Chris. Matt leans back in after setting her on her bad standing in between her legs attempting to connect their lips again but madi halted him in the process.
"matt..seriously come on"
she giggles out as he sighs out stares at her as she bites her lip slowly.
"yes madi you were saying"
he chuckles out
"matt if- if we do this"
she trails off motions towards them
"no one can know yet"
"okay"
he kind of chuckles at the concept
"im serious matt"
she exhales out looking at him as his face softens at her response
"at least until i figure out how to tell" 
"chris"
"yeah because"
"i know i know"
he sighs out moving himself from in between her to next to her laying on her bed. 
"jess' mom might be coming to boston"
"what that so cool"
"yeah she called her when i walked off tonight"
"oh" 
"yeah"
"well im going to go"
he states standing up
"where"
she states worried
"dont worry just in the other room with chris maybe so you can get some sleep"
he chuckles out giving madi a forehead kiss as he walks out of her room.
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Madi wakes up the next morning mentally face palming herself considering well she basically made out with Matt after literally confessing to both brothers she has feelings for them. she rolled out of bed hoping everything will return to normal. she shower and put on this And head downstairs to be met with the face of the one and only
"good morning"
"whats up how are you feeling"
"better just like jess said"
"jess"
"i talked to her last night after everything"
"oh okay hey madi listen forget everything i said last night i was just being stupid it was nothing"
he states quickly realizing he also confessed that he liked you.
"chris i dont think it was nothing you dont have to lie about it"
"no im being for real"
"christopher"
"what im serious"
"okay then sound cool"
she states heading back upstairs
"where are you going"
"to wake up matt and everyone else"
Chris couldnt understand why he said that he literally let her get away again. His thoughts were soon interrupted the sound of jess's doorbell ringing. He went over and opened the door to reveal
"oh hi there i was- where is jess"
jess mom trails off
"she's upstairs um"
he trailed off kind of awkwardly since he had no idea that this jess's mom as what sounded like jess's laugh approaching the bottom of the stair case. I turned to see jess walking down with Nick and Madi being carried down the stairs by matt. the lady at the door cleared her throat as they all snapped out of their trance looking in that direction
"Mom"
she exclaims running over and hugging her
"mom"
Chris questions
"yeah.. mom this is chris, matt, nick and then you remember madi"
she trails off as chris waves his hand
"Hi you all"
she says with a raised eyebrow smiling
"jess; mom"
she exlcaims hugging her after jess
"hey madi"
"when did you get here" 
madi asks her
"last night when jess called"
Madi looks over at jess standing next to her as she shrugs her shoulders a little not wanting to talk about last night at all due to the fact she still felt the pit in her stomach of guilt of even allowing herself the like chris and not trust madi enough to even tell her that you liked him.
"so mom do you want to come on in then"
she states as madi and her both step aside to let her in
"how long are you going to be here for"
"just the weekend"
"maybe we can all go somewhere and just hang out for a little bit maybe grab dinner does that sound good guys"
she asks everyone
"im fine with that"
nick agrees nodding his head
"mom"
you question her
"sure plus i want to see all there is about Boston since this is my first time up here"
"well the triplets can definitely help point out those key spots since they've grown up here"
"literally"
chris chuckles out admiring jess' laugh slightly
"cool so do want me to ride with you"
"umm.. im going to ride with jess and her mom is that okay"
"uh yeah of course" 
madi and you grab your shoes and they all head out the door.
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"soo"
she trails off looking the mirror at the two girls in the backseat of the car
"what's going on with you and Matt Madi"
"uhh"
" yeah i was going to ask about that i mean i knew you guys made up because i saw him come outside after i left you after you came back home"
"umm i dont know what you guys are talking about"
"are you sure because i remember clearly you being carried down the stairs by him this morning"
"in a skirt too at that madii"
you exclaim dragging out the 'i' in your best friend's name
"oh come on what is that suppose to mean just because we made up doesn't mean we are dating"
"so your telling me he hasnt tried to make a move on you after everything that happened yesterday evening"
she asks as madi kind of stares off into space getting flashbacks to last night of literally her and matt making out in her driveway
"oh my god he totally did didnt he"
"what no jess no" 
"madi"
jess's mom exclaims trying to get an answer out of her
"OKAY maybe we might have made out in the driveway at like 2 in the morning"
"MADISON"
you exclaim at your best friend with your jaw dropped
"what i mean its wasnt like terrible"
she shyly replies.
"that you made out with your bestfriend the best friend you liked for literally ever or that he was actually good at making out"
"OH MY GOODNESS"
madi exclaims embarrassed
" just asking"
"OH MY GOD NO"
"it was definitely the second option"
you giggle out
"shut up Jess"
she exclaims pushing some of her hair behind her ear opening her phone
"just make sure you do and know what your heart wants madi" 
"of course always"
Taglist
@dirtylittleheart333 @stayingstromboli @wh0resstuff @mintsturniolo @spicymuffins03 @emely9274
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spacedlexi · 2 days
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So I was rewatching berleezy's twd s4 and someone in the comments said it was interesting that Clementine (determinately) can believe there's no life inside of walkers when her parents were found together and they were assumably walkers for those 6 months she and lee were together. Meaning they could've wandered off and separated but they were found together after all that time. (It's more than likely for plot but it's still an interesting point) Thoughts on that? Also any headcanons on her parents? (Or art 🥺👉🏾👈🏾) have you watched berleezy's playthrough???
well walker tenn still does the hand thing. and you could apply that idea to clems parents still standing together after all that time. maybe some deep part of them compels them to move that way, to stay close to those people. what made them Them is still in there somewhere even if theyre gone. its something S4 Wants you to think about. is there really Nothing left of who they were once theyve turned? i think there is. on some level. the person may be gone, but some part of them still remains
i like that since they do the "humans are the real monsters" thing that every zombie thing does (which ultimately i feel is what zombie media is About (plus our capacity for love and community. great love and great evil)) they leaned into that idea of well if the zombies arent the real monsters then what are they? theyre just their own thing. any creature just trying to survive, even if theyre dangerous. once they were a person who lived a life and had people who loved them. and now theyre This. i joke when i call james the neighborhood cat lady but like... yeah. S4 is very explicitly about what makes someone a "monster". willing to do evil things (or willing to stop doing them) and at what point there is no return, and when you have to let go of them. but does that not also apply to the walkers? there is no return for them either, and you still have to let go (or die with them), no matter how much of who they were is still in there somewhere
S4 is very philosophical about its themes and wants You to come to a conclusion on the ideas its presenting to you. it Is a choice game after all. i do believe walkers are walkers. but that doesnt mean there isnt still a part of who they were in there somewhere. both can be true
and yes i watched berleezy cuz he was the only one i could find who actually liked vi and her romance 😭 (and who didnt not save her/get her killed). so many people were so apathetic or weird with her while still choosing to romance her i couldnt take it anymore WHERE IS THE ENERGY?? his reaction to vi shooting minnie is the reaction you Should be having in that scene. thats how i get every time i see it 😩
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twottie-m8 · 2 years
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sneez · 2 months
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more of them :-) the first one is based on a promotional photograph for the 1928 film and the second is based on an extremely ugly lamp i found in an antique shop. please don't tag as body horror or anything similar [id in alt text]
#the man who laughs#l'homme qui rit#gwynplaine#dea#artwork#i cannot stop thinking about them i am having so many dreams they are consuming my entire life (positive)#less positively i finished the book the other day and it made me so upset i couldnt sleep and then i had horrible dreams. even though i kne#exactly what was going to happen. i thought i was prepared. dear reader i was not prepared#the next time i am in paris i am going to give hugo's grave a sharp kick for what he has done to me & all of us#it will be worth being escorted off the premises. or maybe arrested. i feel like they wouldnt like me doing that in the panthéon#anyway the lamp the second one is based on was so hideous i kind of wish i had bought it i sort of love it i think#it was just one of those classic old lady lamps with a little porcelain couple on the base (and the tree was the. stem? whatever that bit o#a lamp is called)#i was wandering around with my gran and grandpa and then saw it and immediately went GWYN AND DEA and took a covert Image#anyway i still havent fully decided how i want gwyn's esclavine to work. i cant find any pictures of leather ones but all the fabric#esclavines i have found hang much further down over the shoulders so i am not sure if i am drawing an esclavine at all#i shall continue to draw it this way until i make my mind up. gwyn wont mind i dont think#i hope you are all doing well my friends :D hug you kiss you etc#also i didnt even notice this until rebecca pointed it out but the lamp can be a metaphor for gwynplaine being light/the sun. crying 4 Ever
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sea-buns · 8 months
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Forgive me if I'm a bit nervous about Gorgug this season. It's just that the last Zac Oyama pc was Colin Provolone, who was arguably one of his greatest D20 performances, if not the greatest.
Zac always does great with every pc he plays, but Colin was something else. He came out swinging with actions and words that were teeming with unspoken emotional baggage. The way Colin's presence affected the other pcs; there was this level of depth that I don't think I've seen in any of his other characters. It was understated and quiet in that signature "just a guy" way that he tends to be, while still captivating everyone instantly with just how raw it was.
Not to say we haven't seen emotional depth in Gorgug. It's just that, compared to the other Bad Kids, Gorgug's journey and progression as a character has been very... impersonal? Like, yes, he found his birth parents, and he found friends who appreciate him, and he faced his insecurities about his intelligence, and he navigated relationship troubles, and his trial through the claustrophobic bug-tunnels was a horrifically-uncanny parallel to how he's spent his entire life trying to make himself as small as possible.
But how much of that has actually changed him from the Gorgug we started with? I would agree that he's definitely happier with his life, given all the loving and supportive people that have been added to it when it used to be just him and his parents. And he's certainly grown into himself and become more self-assured in his abilities, even if he's still, and always will be, our anxious little guy. And there's nothing wrong with that. I've always liked how Gorgug was a representation of all the little things. The subtle acts and kindnesses that don't seem like much to most, but to some are everything.
We don't need another Bad Kid living in fear that their mouth could be shit-in at any moment. We've already got one-too-many.
All that being said, I just feel like Gorgug's personal story beats are much easier to sweep under the rug than everyone else's. He has the same soft and understated quality that Colin held, but they lack that extra oomph that pushed Colin over the edge from being just another guy in a series of dudes, to a character that the vast majority of us could not get out of our heads. He took someone who was anxious and softspoken, who ultimately never wanted to be violent— someone who is remarkably similar to Gorgug in many ways— and maintained that demeanor and core in Colin's character while still hitting us in the feels with character development at max velocity at every turn.
I think Zac gets better and better at this with every season that goes by. With each new character, there is always something that leaves me stunned in awe. And it's been, what, three? Four years since we last saw Gorgug?
I'm just,,, I'm cautiously optimistic but also going into a bit of a worry about what violence this man may inflict upon us
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restinpeacesensei · 23 days
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suggesting something,,
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saintlioncourt · 1 month
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watched Logan (2017) for the first time after watching every single x-men/wolverine movie this week and lemme tell you-
I am NOT okay. what the FUCK
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ghost-of-you · 2 years
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Appreciation post for Calum and his Prince of a made-up country in a Christmas movie era.
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mbat · 2 months
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red flag: someone says that copper in minecraft is useless
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simcardiac-arrested · 9 months
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OHHHHH MY GOD COMING OFF ANON BECAUSE !??!?!? SCPSL MENTIOn!!?!??!? you are the ONLY person i've EVER seen that mentioned that game in being similar to lethal company ohhhh my god oh my god i used to be so crazy autism over that game Okay. okay. oh my godddd I LOVE(D) SCPSL SO MUCH and it makes me so so so happy to see a game like it get so popular!!! i love lethal company!!! and i love the creatures and the randomly generated facilities and the PROXIMITY chat and the lore (sigurd adn desmond<3) and i love that ALL MY FRIENDS CAN AND DO PLAY ITTT ^__^ its like 14 year old me got blessed by the autism fairy joy and beauty to the world
i don’t know how to say this in a way that wont make me sound like i shouldnt be allowed in public spaces so i’ll just go ahead and say it. I have 200 hours in scpsl
#i havent played it in like 2 or 3 years because one day#it just stopped working on win7. But i got win10 now so theoretically i could play it again. but do i want to#it’s not that it’s a bad game! like i said i’ve had a lot of fun with it. just like lethal company it has some truly#hilarious and truly scary moments#however i can remember a few times where it was just not fun ….. maybe it was the players or the unfair balance or wjatever. But well#i did love it. i love scp and getting to play an scp game for free was life changing to me. IT WAS SO FUN!!#AND I HAD THE MOST BLISSFUL GAMING EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I HAD A BUG WITH MY GAME WHERE I COULDNT HEAR ANYONE AND NO ONE COULD HEAR ME#Probably pissed off my teammates numerous times but well . At least got to exclusively vc with my friends on discord#i think the thing with lethal company (and by extension amogus which is also smth i associate lc with) is that you can play it exclusively#with your buddies. you dont have to join some random ass lobby with random ass people just because the game needs 20 players. U can just#have actual fun. because yes proxy vc is a fun feature for a game but i am seriously grateful that scpsl was bugged for me#i’ve played a lot of ‘shooter’ games (or just games similar to genre) and like Sure im used to people being jerks in game chat or something#but there’s a difference between game chat and straigjt up vc ….. so yeah. i know that it’s barely scpsl’s fault but i just felt like sayin#all that. Blinks#where am i . what am i talking about#sorry for the weird not quite rant about scpsl BUT YES i do think lethal company is quite similar to it. And like if that game was fun again#not to mention the creatures!!! like. coilhead? 173 but well it’s a common trope. eyeless dog? literally 939. A MASK THAT POSSESSES YOU?#DUDE . THIS IS 035 . BRACKEN? okay that’s like 096 but a little to the left#all they need to do now is add a 049 adjacent creature Or perhaps an evil ai computer that locks you in the building or makes landmines#explode on their own. i dont even know. zeekeers hire me#and yeah i love the rng of it all because it makes for a uniquely hilarious/terrifying experience each time. Something it sucks so bad and#you get a facility with like 1 door which is locked. but that too is funny. to me lc isnt about winning it’s about dying in the funniest way#sigmund and desmond lore is also rly good <3 i hope it gets expanded upon. Would love to see some more worldbuilding stuff like WHATHAPPENED#cramswering#anyway. it has been years since i played scpsl and i know tjat they did a bunch of updates and added a bunch of scps . So i dont know if the#game is better or worse now. and i dont know if i want to find out…. what if my game becomes unbugged and i hear people#now THAT’S real horror game material if you ask me
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skeletalheartattack · 11 months
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@ those tf2 server related tags: the lazypurple silly servers still exist. and if you want a silly-adjacent server that still has killing/pvp enabled then they also have a "TDM" server where objectives are disabled so you really just get to dick around
i figured his servers would still be around, although i don't think i ever had personally played on his servers before. i think i've seen some videos of them in the past though.
the two servers i use to hang around in through 2012-2016 were mostly just... hang-out servers? the term i refer to them as is "hub servers", similar to like... hub levels in platformers. one was a big city server where i met a good ammount of my friends on, the other was a server with maps the server owner created, which is also the server that hosted one of my maps. they had some sourcemods in common like the jetpack plugin.
im not sure if i could personally experience the vibes of those servers in the same way these days. granted anytime i play tf2 these days, it's usually to play casual, haven't touched any community servers in a long time.
#ask#anon#theres a channel ive been subbed to on youtube that made the uhh... meet the random fortress videos#those videos give me nostalgia in a way i cant describe#cause like the two servers i mentioned didnt have that exact extreme vibes going on.#but thats what it felt like to play those servers sometimes#like i see those videos and i imagine thats how the golden machine gun server was back in 2008 or so.#i never played on that server for context. but i watched plenty of videos from their channel#the golden machine gun also brings back the nostalgia of a server having custom maps specific to that server#like you couldnt experience those maps anywhere else.#those kind of maps i think honestly inspired me to get into mapping#that. and the second server listed above had maps that kinda looked not great. and i wanted to make a map that looked nicer.#i dont agree with that sentiment in going about making maps now. but thats what got me into mapping.#im told that server hosted the map i made a lot. like it was a really popular map even after i stopped hanging out there#idk. i guess what im getting at is that theres a certain magic to the servers i use to play that idk if ill ever experience the same again#thats not to say it cant be recreated or remade exactly. its just idk if i could experience it the same.#id have to be around a lot of folks from friendshow. whom of which are folks i met from those servers#though not a lot of us play live tf2 that actively these days. ive mostly been playing cause my current computer runs it well now#and ive just been having fun playing casual.... for the most part. and also customizing my guys#im okay at the game these days. ranging from pretty good to okay in most matches.#sometimes i kinda want to be in a server where i can just look pretty and fuck about.#im sure maybe ill find a place some day. ik the servers exist. i just havent really tried exploring any#i think my experience to those servers are similar to roblox servers i use to hang around in as a kid in 2008-2009#if anyone remembers uhh... space cruise v3 or whatever. thats the vibes i want to achieve for a map some day.#like youre just in a big space cruiser with your own personal room and you can do jobs to get money and buy furnature#and just mill about and shit. too bad that world doesnt really work anymore with robloxs code changes since 2007....#anyway thank you for telling me anon! i do appreciate it!!
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hecksupremechips · 5 months
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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of
#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit#i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it#very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically#some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like#AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE#and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to#and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded#it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me#i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me#and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him#away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt#feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like#aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family#hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs#his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage#and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them#HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM#and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is#but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK#and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way#or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he#doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them
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asyipyip · 6 months
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hold on everyone shut up im getting super emotional about jonathan sims
#tma#kara stop blogging#thinking about the web. thinking about how it was his first mark#and how that mark how that unaddressed trauma so deeply affected him.#and how befitting that is for the web too- to tie someone up its strands for YEARS#thinkin about how almost every single decision that man makes is made out of fear#that motherfucker has never felt safe in his god damn life you can tell and im EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT#thinking about how so much of his fear response is CONTROL because of it. His ridiculous skepticism was him trying to control it#if he denies it if he refuses to believe in it it cant hurt him#about his paranoia and desperation for knowledge is so rooted in that fear of losing control#about his entire s4 arc and grappling with becoming inhuman. about not feeling like he has any kind of personal autonomy#and how so often thats written off as him making excuses (and dont get me wrong- he makes excuses too. im not saying he doesnt) but also-#like you look at what happened with his first leitner and its like. he couldnt move. couldnt do anything to escape#and then when the other boy got taken he couldnt do anything to save him either#of course he feels like hes never had any control#of course hes desperate for knowledge- if he had only *known* what couldve happened then he couldve prevented it.#the survivors guilt is so deeply part of his character#and thats what makes jonah targeting him so fucking insidious and scary#he took his man who is already so terrified- put him in a situation where he was so out of his depth#knowing that his fear response would be to desperately try and figure out what was happening- to keep asking questions--#pulling himself deeper into the eyes influence and easily turning it around and making it Jon's fault#as if Jon isn't trapped like everyone else- it's just his fear response is so fucking perfect for the role the eye needs him to play#and then it leads to the ultimate trauma of ripping control away from Jon and forcing him to do something so fucking horrible#something he would never in a million years CHOOSE TO DO#how he's so terrified of being made a pawn and he is. playing a game against elias where he couldn't even see the board#locking him out of his own body...forcing him to open the door. like. FUCK#I MEAN FUCK DUDE. PETER LITERALLY SAYS “HE GOT YOU” WHEN JON ASKED WHAT HIS 'PRIZE' WAS#LIKE SCRATCH THAT!!! FUCKING SCRATCH THAT!! he wasn't even a player he was a fucking PIECE in the game#GOD!!!#GOD!!!! free my boy he did nothing wrong (he did so many things wrong)
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wings-of-angels · 1 year
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