#i just. im finally getting motivation again to like put my life back together and learn how to be a human being again

[oflgtfol]

in my monthly “mourning the part of me that died last year” era

[watchmegetobsessed]

OLD GRUDGES (part 1)

A/N: wooohoooo im bringing something new!!! i feel like it happens so rarely it's like a miracle lol anyway, this will be hopefully a couple of parts (probably about 3) and lets all pray i will actually finish it lol

WORD COUNT: 3.7k

WARNING: sexual content

SUMMARY: Harry and Y/N go way back. Working together was like a dream when 1D was still going strong. Now, years later, when they end up working together again, things are very different. Mostly because Y/N seems to be hating Harry passionately. But he has not idea why.

MASTERLIST

Everyone loves Harry Styles. It’s a known fact, not just amongst the people who actually know him, but all around the world. He is known as one of the most unproblematic celebrities, someone who gives just as much if not even more respect as he gets, always kind and patient with others, rarely loses his temper. It’s hard to imagine that there is anyone walking this planet who doesn’t see him as a lovable, sweet man.

Well, it might be hard to imagine, but there is actually one person who has a very different opinion when it comes to the british popstar. 

And that person is music producer, Y/N. 

The interesting thing is that their history goes way back into his 1D days. Y/N was an up and coming name in the industry, just started working with bigger names when she got the chance to produce several songs on the band’s third studio album. Harry remembers her as a bubbly, funny girl who is passionate about her job and is also excellent in it. Working with her was easy and motivating, she was always eager to perfect songs to an extent Harry couldn’t even imagine and that’s why songs like Story Of My Life, You & I and Midnight Memories were such hits. Y/N put her heart and soul into them, which eventually earned all the recognition they deserved. 

Harry loved working with Y/N and she was in talks of working on their fourth album as well, but the deal ended up ditched and she went on to do other projects and they somehow had a fallout. It was a shame, but he hoped his path would cross hers again. 

Years and years went by and so much changed by the time their professional ways finally met again. Jeff brought her name up when Harry just started writing for his fourth solo album and Harry gave him the go to do whatever it takes to get her on the project. A few weeks passed and Harry didn’t get any confirmation about her and just when he was about to bring it up to Jeff, he hit him with the news.

“Y/N is in for five songs. Contract should be signed by Wednesday and you can start working next week.”

Harry wondered why it took so long to get her on board, but he brushed it off because he knew she was a big name now herself and had plenty of offers from which she could choose from. He was excited to work with her and simply see her again.

It was utter shock for him when she was the complete opposite of what he remembered. Okay, that might be an overstatement, but Harry could feel something was off instantly.

She was still bubbly and fun, but for some reason, she had a certain iciness and bitter attitude whenever her focus was on Harry. To anyone else it was unnoticable, Harry knows, because he asked Jeff about it.

“What are you talking about? She is awesome,” the manager said with a shrug and Harry tried to tell himself it was all in his head, because if Jeff doesn’t see it, it’s not real.

But it kept happening and it felt even stronger when it was just him and her in a room. Sometimes she even pretended like he wasn’t there, sometimes her snarky comments were all he got and they just strengthened him in his belief. 

He wanted to ask her about it, he tried, several times, but his attempts just bounced right off her icy behavior so eventually, he gave up and there was only one thing left for him to do.

Return what he was getting. 

Yes, it is childish, but he felt like he needed to deal with her unreasonable hatred towards him somehow and this was the easiest way. Was it a smart idea to practically become enemies when working together on his album? Of course not. But it just happened.

And going against each other became their thing. 

They were great in arguing, disagreeing even when they could easily compromise, riling each other up and lashing out on each other when the tension had been building up for hours. It got to the point where others started to notice that something was off between the two of them and when Jeff questioned Harry about it, he couldn’t give him a reasonable explanation.

“She started it,” he said and instantly felt like a kid, telling on his classmate at school. But this is all he could say, because he had no idea why she was acting this way. And he has to live with it while they work together.

Something is off. Harry knows it. Something about the melody… or the guitar… or is it the lyrics? He can’t tell, he has listened to the recording a million times so it all melts in his ears and he can’t identify what’s setting him off every time he hears it. 

“Why don’t we take a break?” Jack, the technician suggests, turning in his chair. “Y/N will be here in twenty, I’m sure she’ll–”

“Okay,” Harry snaps, just so he doesn’t finish. He knows what he wanted to say. 

She’ll know what’s wrong and will correct it in a second.

Y/N always knows what’s wrong and most of the time it’s a perk, of course it is, but today, Harry feels like it’s gonna make him want to crawl out of his body. Maybe it’s because he’s been in the studio for five hours and he got nowhere or maybe because Mitch will have his first ever solo gig tonight and Harry has been worried his fame or relation to him might ruin this experience for him. 

Either way, today he is just extra pissed by the fact that Y/N will be the one to solve this mystery. 

“I’m gonna grab a coffee,” he clears his throat, standing up from his seat. “Do you want one?” he offers, feeling a bit guilty he snapped at Jack.

“Uh, yeah, just an espresso is fine, thanks man.”

“Sure, I’ll be right back.”

Putting on his headphone, Harry jogs across the street to the tiny coffee shop he’s been a regular at. He likes the place because they are discreet and their coffee is just simply amazing, though they swear there’s nothing extra in it. 

He waits for the two coffees at the end of the counter and scrolls on his phone in the meantime. Emails, messages, there’s always something to answer to. He sends out a few replies before he ends up in his calendar. It’s neatly color coded and he takes pride in keeping it up-to-date all the time so he can always be on top of his game, no matter what. 

His eyes land on one particular date. Five weeks from now Y/N’s contract expires and if the five songs are done by then, she’ll be out of Harry’s life again. Seeing how the work is going, she’ll easily outdo that number so there won’t be any reason for talk about an extension. 

An unsettling feeling spreads in his stomach as he stares at the date but he doesn’t have time to figure it out because  he is snapped out of his thoughts when the two paper cups are placed in front of him. He is trying his best to keep a positive mindset as he returns to the studio’s building. With the two coffee cups in his hands he makes a right turn and then stops at the door, seeing Y/N sitting where he did previously, already listening to the recording with Jack with a critical expression on her face. 

Harry doesn’t interrupt them, just stays put and waits for her feedback. When she is done listening, she leans back in her seat.

“It’s the bass. Or more specifically the lack of it. Can you double it? Let’s see how it changes.”

Jack is quick to do as she asked and then he starts the song again and…

Harry wants to scream and laugh in bliss at the same time, because it’s perfect now. He’s mad he couldn’t spot such an obvious thing, but he is also happy it’s finally sorted out. It’s just a shame Y/N was the one to do it and not him. 

“Great, so this is done then,” he makes himself noticed as he walks into the studio and hands over one of the cups to Jack. 

When he looks at Y/N he can see that familiar, irritated look on her face that’s almost always there when he’s around. He hasn’t decided if he wants to physically wipe it off, or…

“Thanks for bringing one for me,” she comments in a bored tone, turning back towards the screen.

“You weren’t here when I went out.”

“But you knew I was coming.”

Harry opens his mouth, but then closes it, because this time she is kind of right. And it irks him even more today.

It’s gonna be a challenging session today, Harry thinks as he takes a seat.

It’s always exciting for Harry to be behind the stage when he’s not the star of the show. Kind of like a whole different world.

He hasn’t been here for long, but he’s been trying his best to stay as unnoticed as possible and let Mitch take the spotlight. Just a few minutes ago Sarah put him on Scout-duty which he gladly took up on, he’s always happy to spend time with the little guy. This time he is letting him explore freely and he’s just following him around to make sure he’s safe. Scout seemingly enjoys the adventure with uncle Harry, who doesn’t really pay attention where he is heading. 

That’s how they end up in the green room where Y/N is.

Y/N and Sarah have worked together a while ago, which is a random coincidence how they are connected outside of Harry. Because of their history, Y/N is often where they are, however she was never around when Sarah and Mitch were playing for Harry. 

Scout runs up to Y/N, arms in the air, asking to be picked up and Harry stops a few steps away from them when he realizes who he just found.

“Hey there, little guy! Are you all by yourself?” Y/N asks, settling the boy on her hip.

She’s changed since they parted ways in the studio. Harry has always admired her sense of style, which mostly consists of basic pieces, almost like a capsule wardrobe, but there’s always something extra, something vibrant on her that makes her sets interesting. Tonight she is wearing a simple black dress with a rather low back cut, simple heels, simple makeup, but she added a silky scarf with vivid colors and shapes around her neck that brings Harry’s attention to the curve of her neck and collarbones, almost as a cheeky invitation for his eyes to her naked skin. 

He has to fight the urge to touch her.

Despite the spiteful relationship they’ve been sporting lately, Harry had to deal with a rather unreasonable desire for Y/N in a physical way.

Unreasonable, because he never thought he could be attracted to someone who pisses him off so easily, yet there’s been plenty of occasions when Harry found himself imagining scenarios he could never admit to her, not when she hates him with such obvious passion.

Tonight it’s not just the outfit, but also the way she’s handling Scout. It’s not just women who find it incredibly hot when the opposite sex is great with kids, Harry can definitely feel something inside him moving as he watches Y/N sway from side to side with the little boy in his arms.

“Uncle Hazza is here!” Scout points at him, answering her previous question. Y/N looks up and because Harry was already looking at him, he catches a slipping moment where there’s no irritation on her face, but it returns quite fast when her gaze settles on him. 

“Ah, hi,” she says, lips pressed together as she nods, acknowledging his presence. 

“Hey. Long time no see.”

As soon as the words leave his mouth he regrets it. Who says that? Why did he even say anything else other than hi? He smacks himself in his mind. 

Part of him expects her to say something like ‘not long enough’ but she just keeps quiet and turns all her attention to Scout. Harry feels out of place, he is supposed to be babysitting, but Y/N is taking care of Scout, Harry knows he is in good hands but Sarah asked him to watch over him. Should he leave? Or just keep standing there awkwardly?

“You can go, I’ll watch him,” Y/N says, as if she could read his mind. 

“You sure?”

“I’m pretty sure I can take care of him until Sarah is back.” Her reply is not just dry, kind of offended, nothing Harry wouldn’t expect from her, but it’s still irking him.

“I didn’t say you’re not capable, I just–”

“I’m not in the mood for this,” she cuts him off with an icy look. Harry is too stunned to reply, just watches Y/N walk away with Scout. 

He almost finds it amusing how easily she can piss him off, not many people have been able to do that, in fact, Harry thinks she does it the best. 

Clenching his jaw he takes a deep breath to calm his nerves and then just lets it all go. 

The after party is always kind of Harry’s favorite. The stress is over, it’s just the relief and celebration that is left.

Mitch’s show went well, that’s what Harry expected, but it’s still great he was right. Seeing his friend be the star of the show was an experience he is glad he could be part of. Now that the core of the group has moved to a nearby bar, Harry has loosened up thanks to the couple of drinks he’s had. 

He’s been mostly sticking to the familiar faces he knows, rotating between the same few people  while enjoying how under the radar he is currently. 

The more drinks he has had, the less he’s been able to control where his gaze goes. To be exact, he’s been finding himself looking Y/N’s way the past hour or so. That damn dress and scarf, it’s like she’s put a spell on him that forces him to keep wanting to look at her. 

Harry is not experienced with feeling like this. Being attracted to someone who he hates, it’s such an ambivalent impulse, he can’t think straight. Or maybe it’s the amount of tequila he has drunk tonight, either way, it’s getting a rise out of him. 

From the corner of his eye he sees her slip out to the back where the smoking area is, he hesitates, shifts his weight from one leg to the other before making the leap and heading after her. He has no plan, no idea what he wants to ro will say to her, but he just feels like he has to talk to her.

Stepping out to the dimly lit back alley he is met with a few people scattered around, having a cigarette with drinks in hand, talking or scrolling on their phone and then he spots Y/N on the left, standing by the wall, cigarette in one hand, the remaining of her drink in the other as she stares ahead of her. 

She doesn’t smoke regularly, but she does enjoy one in certain social settings or when she’s had a few drinks. Harry knows it from years ago, because they shared a cigarette at a party, back then she seemed thrilled to spend time with him, he remembers all the conversations they had while working together, telling each other stories, sharing their plans, Harry truly thought they would remain good friends on this extraordinary journey, yet they ended up here.

As Harry walks towards her, she notices him and he sees her lips twitch in annoyance. 

“Care if I join?” he asks and she just shrugs without a word, avoiding to look at him. 

They stand there in silence for a while, she is lazily puffing the smoke out from time to time.

“Is it still just an occasional thing?” he tries to strike up a conversation.

“Mhm,” is all he gets as a reply.

“Have you tried to put it down fully?”

“Why are you doing this?” she snaps at him, finally looking his way. 

“What?”

“Why are you trying to chit-chat when we both know we don’t do that?”

“And why don’t we?” He challenges her. “Tell me why we are like this in the first place, because I have no idea.”

She stares at him for long moments and he awaits her answer like nothing before, but then she shakes her head and turns to the pin beside her, puts the cigarette out and flicks it into the bin. Then, without another word she is already heading back inside.

It takes a moment for Harry to start moving again, but he is quick to catch up with her in the hall that leads to the restrooms. 

“Y/N, give me a fucking answer!” he demands, grabbing her wrist to pull her back before she could escape, but she shakes his hand off as she comes to a stop, turning towards him.

“I owe you nothing!” she hisses at him. “I owe you no one, but especially you!”

“What the fuck does that suppose to mean?! I never thought you owe me anything!”

“I’m not doing this, Harry, leave me the fuck alone,” she growls and tries to leave, but Harry pulls her back again, determined to get an answer this time. 

“Don’t think I will just swallow everything down forever. I will get to the bottom of this, whether you like it or not. It’s your choice if you make it hard on both of us.”

She is looking back at him with wide eyes, this time his hand remains on her arm as they stare each other down in the empty hallway. Neither of them knows what will be their next move, the tension is so thick, it’s almost suffocating.

But then it all changes.

If someone asked who moved first, they wouldn’t know. One moment they are standing like stone statues, barely even breathing, then the next moment they are kissing like there’s no tomorrow.

It doesn’t take long until Harry has her pressed up against the wall, his hands roaming her body, feeling her up the way he fantasized about before, they are both rough and impatient, she is clawing at him, moaning into his mouth when his hips press against hers and she feels how hard he’s gotten already. 

Blindly, Harry pushes the closest door open which happens to be the staff’s bathroom that someone left unlocked, lucky for them. Still glued together they stumble inside, Y/N kicks the door open before Harry pushes her against it and he locks it before his hand returns to her tempting body. 

He has never acted like this when it comes to sex. He does like to spice things up sometimes, but the way he’s biting her lips or unbuttoning his pants or reaches under her dress to pull her underwear down is just so out of character for him, yet so freeing. 

Nothing is said, but when her hands pull his hard, leaking dick out of his pants, there’s a fleeting look they exchange that says it all, just how much they both want it. 

It’s the fastest pace he’s ever experienced, yet the most passionate too. They moan at the same time when Harry pushes into her and starts moving in a rush, desperate for relief. She’s panting and whining for more, the only form of speaking she is able to as she holds onto Harry who is focused on keeping up his quick and steady pace while holding her left leg up to ensure the perfect angle. 

The animalistic need is there for them both, making them act like this is what they must do to stay alive. It’s messy, fast and mind-blowing and they don’t need much time to reach the peak. As she comes her nails dig into her shoulder and she bites into his bottom lip so harshly it draws blood, but he doesn’t care, only follows her into bliss just a second later. With the last bit of his consciousness Harry pulls out right before he comes, covering her thigh with the white, sticky evidence of just how much he enjoyed the past minutes. 

They are breathing heavily and Harry feels like a thick haze is still lingering around his head, stopping him from realizing what just happened. Y/N however is ahead of him and when reality comes crashing down on her, her instinct to flee kicks right in. Harry is still trying to clear his mind when she grabs a paper towel and cleans herself up as fast as possible and Harry only snaps out of his trance when she is already unlocking the door.

“Y/N, what the— wait!” He can’t go after her as she slips out of the room because he is still pretty indecent, so he has to pull his pants up and can only rush out then, but by that time she is already gone.

He’s quite frantic as he tries to find her in the bar, but she is nowhere to be seen. Harry returns to the rest of their group, hoping to catch her somewhere but she has vanished into thin air. 

“Hey, have you seen Y/N?” he asks Mitch, his eyes still roaming the place.

“Nah, haven’t seen her since she went out to smoke.”

Harry groans and makes his way outside, maybe she’s there waiting for a car, but as he steps out to the street he sees no trace of her. Fishing his phone out of his pocket he doesn’t hesitate before dialing her number. The line rings once, twice and then… it goes to voicemail.

“Hey, this is Y/N. Do whatever you want after the beep.”

“Fuck!” Harry ends the call and he has to stop himself from throwing it against the nearest wall. 

This is not how he planned. Well, he didn’t plan any of it, especially not fucking Y/N like a horny teenager. He wanted to solve this whole issue between the two of them but instead he just created another one.

A stupid, giant one. 

NEXT PART

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[anurst]

Girl Bradshaw

Summary: the moment of truth. Can you and Bradley work out your differences?

A/n: oml im so sorry for the long wait. i just kind dropped off the face of the earth. i didnt really have any motivation to write but now i'm back! this chap is kinda short but another will be posted on Tuesday :D

Warning(s): angst, estranged family

Part 9: Sometimes I wish I was 10

Before Jake, you never really fully believed in cloud nine. Now though, as you giddily walk through the halls of camp, your body tingles with newfound excitement. Electricity practically flows through your veins.

"I take it the date went well?" Amy's voice comes from behind you. Normally, you would have chastised her for sneaking up on you, but for now, you just smile as your cheeks slightly redden. Amy's smile widens even more as she latches onto your arm. "Oh my gosh! You have to tell me everything! And, I MEAN everything!" The both of you giggle as you push open the door to the gym.

The rest of your team turns to the pair of you and it's no secret that they're curious about your date. Carlos certainly isn't subtle as he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Jensen's the only one (besides Amy) who vocally asks you how you went. Just as you're about to recount last night's events, the doors swing open and a panting Bradley stands there.

Silence spreads for a couple seconds as Bradley gathers his breath. Offering a shaky smile, he rubs at the back of his neck. "Sorry for, uh, barging in, but I'm here to talk to Braidy."

When Nolan clears his throat, you roll your eyes and turn to face Jensen again. "We'll give you two a minute," he says and your eyes widen. No way he was actually going to leave you alone with Bradley?

Jensen gives you a small pat on the shoulder as your team shuffles by and out of the gym. The door closes behind them and each step that Bradley takes towards you seems to get louder.

Your fists clenched tightly together as you will yourself not to turn around. Turning around means acknowledging that Bradley's standing less than five feet away from you. The brother who abandoned you and seemingly forgot your existence bites his lip as he tries to find the right words. "(y/)– Braidy, please just hear me out."

"What if I don't want to?" 'Idiot, why'd you respond?'

"I'll keep finding you and repeating what I'm going to say. I'll keep apologizing until the world stops spinning. I know that sorry doesn't make up for the years of pain I put you through. That sorry won't just magically fix us. That it won't undo all the words I said. But, please Braidy, at least let me make it up to you."

Make it up to you? What if there's nothing that can be done? What if you're finally done with Bradley and that painful chapter of your life?

"I don't care Bradley. I don't want to fix us."

"Braidy, you're my sister–"

"SO I WASN'T YOUR SISTER BACK THEN?" you yell before you can properly think. There's a heavy burn in your chest and a part of you think it'll burst any moment. Every breath you take feels as though you're inhaling smoke. Your eyes meet Bradley's and the suffocating feeling vanishes.

You feel like you're ten again. A fifteen-year-old Bradley wipes the fat tears that roll down your cheeks. One hand comes up to ruffle at your hair and he quietly cooes at you to stop crying. Soft reassurances of 'everything is gonna be okay' repeat after one another as more tears fall.

The calm and warm reassurance that Bradley constantly provided for you returns and it scares you. It scares you that after so much pain and heartbreak, Bradley can still make you feel so warm with just a simple look.

It's almost as though nothing has changed and time hasn't past. And if you're completely honest, that thought doesn't invoke any fear. Because right now, in this moment as you stare into your brother's eyes, you wish you were ten again.

Bradley slowly lifts a hand to wipe at the tear that rolls down your cheek. His other hand wrap around the back of your head and brings you closer. Soft whispers come from Bradley's lips but you hardly hear them over your sobs.

"Everything's going to be okay. Just let me make it up to you."

"…You can’t…” you whisper as you push yourself out of Bradley's arms. Furiously wiping at your cheeks, your arms wrap around your torso as you direct your gaze to the floor. "I can't even look at you, Bradley. Every time that I do, I'm just reminded of the worst event of my life. I don't think you can make it up to me, so just, please, leave me alone." You take a step back and swallow the lump at the back of your throat. "I'm happy with the life I've made. I'm happy with my friends and family. I appreciate you apologizing, but I don't accept it."

Before Bradley can say anything, you quickly turn and walk out of the gym. Weirdly enough, the weight returns and it feels like you can't breathe. Walking away from Bradley might be the wrong decision, you think. But, that doesn't stop you from continuing down the halls.

Taglist: @potato-girl99981 @callsign-cacti @caitsymichelle13 @darhk-angel @madkill44 @cherrycola27 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @clockworkballerina @krismdavis @phantomxoxo @piceous21 @laneyspaulding19 @multifandomfangirll @moron-says-what @rhirhikingston @startrekfangirl2233 @mightiestheroes @gizmodear @meritxellao @adaydreamaway

[useless-donut]

just thinking about astarion is SUCH a sweet partner? like this man was barely an adult elf when he was turned, and spent the next 200 years being abused by cazador, but like

- as the durge character, he'll be accepting and talk about your mental health and reassure you

- he'll insist on staying with your half illithid character, saying you shouldnt make his choices for him if you try to leave to protect him

- also just the dichotomy of him being explicitly vain and also explicitly not shallow is very sweet

- in that one lathanders light scene, he'll tell you he appreciates you trying to fix your mistake after you caused him IMMENSE pain

- he'll empathize with and support you if you swear your body to haarlep, noting how he's been through similar and is sorry you're going through it

- hes not jealous, his issues with sharing seem to largely come from if he thinks the other party would be okay with it (like he thinks lae'zel would spear him lol), and when someone like halsin comes along he'll happily consent

- on that note, he grows enough to be comfortable asking for support and reassurance instead of possessiveness/jealousy (not that these are the only options for that scenario, but astarions seen a lot of possessiveness in his life and its wonderful how much he avoids replicating it)

- he will always attack cazador in the final confrontation if cazador starts verbally abusing you instead of him

- he puts in the work to set boundaries that allow him to engage in an intimate (emotionally, physically, but not sexually) romantic relationship with tav and apologizes for "using" him before, when his behavior was SO understandable. and also he manipulated tav by having... consensual enjoyable sex lol. he might have ulterior motives but he never actually tries to use his sexual relationship with tav to manipulate him into doing anything

- you learn how astarion felt for Sebastian and how tender he was

- you learn about the first boy astarion couldnt bear to bring to cazador, the one he called soft and sweet (or something like that) and then was punished horribly for a straight year for it

- even when you turn to a half illithid, his main concern is you losing your agency

- if you are a full illithid, at the end of the game, some people complain about him not being ride or die, but i think he shows REMARKABLE willingness and support. what he cares about most is that you are still you, and how is he supposed to know for sure? i think asking him to stay with a type of being known for manipulation and mind control after everything he went through with cazador IS A HUGE FUCKING ASK. and he doesnt even write you off immediately? thats a lot of love right there

- if you arent illithid, he will double-check you want to plan a future with him still, and only once you affirm this will he express how badly he wants it. he's actively avoiding trying to manipulate you even

and probably more stuff im just not thinking of off the top of my head. obviously this is about the spawn route vs. ascended, but im just constantly amazed that despite EVERYTHING astarion has gone through, probably centuries without a healthy, loving relationship or even examples of that nearby, he still defaults to being kind, empathetic, and caring as soon as he gets the chance

like sure, he might be minorly evil and self-serving but personally i think thats the least he deserves

more importantly, the boys from astarions past give us a rare window into what he was like before turning into a vampire—he was gentle, empathetic lover. he was kind, he was protective. and as soon as he has the space to start looking for himself again, he goes RIGHT back to that behavior. he even self-checks for his "manipulation" and tries to correct for it

it just shatters my heart and then puts it back together hes such a wonderfully written character. astarion is allowed to be lovely AND furious and vengeful and maybe its just my raised-catholic ass, but its SO cathartic to see that a forgiveness arc is never pushed for his abuser

[ovaryacted]

Ok ok ok, so…hear me out. (TW: death, and suicide at the end)

Let’s just say Leon’s kids (maybe they’re a teen at this point) ends up captured by some evil bioweapon lab. The ransom note is essentially ‘leave us alone to do our science or we kill your kid’

I can see this playing out two ways.

The first, Leon tears apart the world. He sees red and essentially blacks out until he’s reunited with his child/ren. He’s awake for the entire time it takes to find them. The only time he actually ‘rests’ is when his body physically crashes and passes out. Even then, he gets nightmares. What if they’re too late and his kid/s become twisted creatures? What if they’re already dead? What if he has to put a bullet in his own precious baby because they were reduced to a shambling zombie, just like RC?

He wakes up screaming. Crying. Sobbing.

Even if he gets to them in time, they’re undoubtedly traumatized. They won’t be child/Ren anymore. They would have been exposed to how fucked the world really is. He starts thinking he’s a failure. He’s failed to protect his kid/s. The ones he loved the most in the world have had their innocence ripped away.

But damnit, when he finds them, you bet your ass he’s not letting them go. He hugs them tightly. Almost too tightly. Leon starts sobbing. They’re unharmed. Untouched by evil science.

When it comes to the escape, he holds their hand. It doesn’t matter how old they are, he’s going to hold onto SOMETHING. They aren’t coming out of his sight ever again. Not after this.

Second scenario, Leon IS too late.

He sees what USED to be his kid/s. If he stared hard enough he could see them, under the shambling, the growling. They were still in there somewhere.

But he was too late. Even if they could get a cure, the damage was done. His child/ren were gone.

The world goes quiet for Leon. His only focus would be on them. All he could hear is his own heartbeat. After he ends their pain, I don’t think he’d go home.

The official report be KIA, but anyone else who was on the mission would know the truth. Leon didn’t want to live without his kid/s.

BUT THEN ITS ALL A NIGHTMARE BECAUSE I MADE MYSELF SAD TYPING THIS AHHHH IM SORRY

cw: religious imagery, mentions of gore and violence, suicide attempt

Hey, angsty anon, I know you remember sending this to me when I was at work and it fucking upset me but I said I would make it worse...well I'm making it a tad bit worse by adding my thoughts to this. Apologies in advance, and of course if you don't want to read some sad shit, don't read it. (I was half asleep writing this so my bad lolz)

I think Leon's family becoming involved in the horrors of bioterrorism, the very thing he's trying so hard to protect his loved ones from, is one of his biggest fears. In this field, he's seen people he cared about, good people, who were abandoned by those meant to protect them and had to alter their bodies to try to feel control. Although Leon does everything to ensure his family is protected, he still falls short when his child gets taken away by an enemy and is used as collateral.

The entire aspect of finally being able to have a life gets to Leon. To have a chance to settle down and have a family of his own which is now being threatened, turns Leon into this vindictive monster just motivated by revenge. On prior missions, he's usually calculated and knows what to do, where to go, and what to bring. But now that his child is involved, his own flesh and blood, yeah he blacks out for most of the mission and is going off of instinct.

He doesn't give his partner much of an explanation when he just says he's going to leave and that he knows he's going to bring his family back together. He can't promise anything, can't promise if he'll come back in one piece or at all, but he will bring his child back home. If being a federal agent working in bioterrorism has taught him anything, is that not everyone comes back. Sometimes he just gets lucky and the cycle repeats.

Leon does not sleep, does not eat, and much less gives a shit about his own safety and health. As far as he knows, he's on a witch hunt to kill the bastard that threatened his family and his happiness. The entire time he's trying to get his child back, his mind goes back to the horrors of all of his missions. He thinks back to the fear he felt in trying to save Sherry, he remembers the way his mind went all hazy on his mission to Spain and saved the president's daughter.

It's all the same. But it has to be different right?

He doesn't consider himself to be a religious person, he used to be back in his youth. But as this rogue mission goes on longer and longer and he spends more time without his child, he starts to silently pray that they're alive, that they haven't been ruined like everything else in this rotten world.

Let's say he does find his kid in one piece, scared and traumatized, probably tucked into a corner in a dingy cell in some run down lab. Leon wrapped his arms around them, apologizing over and over again, looking for forgiveness, and blaming himself for putting his child in danger simply because of the life he was forced to live.

He does get back home in one piece with his child in his arms and eliminates any other possible and future threats so he never has to worry about that again. The people who even think about hurting his family will regret ever doing so. As long as his child is safe and back at home, he thinks he's achieved the impossible and is protecting all that he holds dear.

But let's go on the opposite end of the spectrum. What will happen if Leon doesn't get there in time? If he finds his child turned into some monster as revenge? It would tear him apart, and he will consider this to be his karma for even wanting a better life for himself, a life he doesn't deserve. The person or thing in front of Leon wasn't his child anymore, it was a mess of torn-up limbs and cut skin, and he couldn't feel his child's presence anymore.

His soul is empty as he raises his gun to shoot towards the monster, putting them out of their misery, and the last bit of humanity Leon has left goes with the dead body hitting the ground. He still has a mission to complete, a society to protect, so he focuses on that and refuses to give himself a moment of grieve.

Later he says, I have time later.

He's detached from his reality throughout the remaining time he gives himself to finish off this mission, his last mission. When all the threats are eliminated, he walks around aimlessly, his spirit has run dry and he knows the gaping hole in his chest is too much of a burden to handle. He doesn't cry, he's done enough crying in his life and frankly, he doesn't have any more tears to give.

I've failed. I've failed you. I'm sorry.

The words repeat in his head and he pretends his significant other somehow gets the message that he's not coming back home. He wonders if God will come to save him from this blasphemy, but this is the price he had to pay for having too much blood on his hands, blood he did not want to have.

His hand is steady as he puts the gun to his temple, finger on the trigger and he hears it click, nothingness comes right after. He doesn't feel pain, doesn't feel much of anything, and surprisingly he feels calm...at peace.

Things can't be different. Not this time.

[velvetlilacsdaisies]

Good morning😮‍💨🩷 (it’s 4:45pm and I’m waking up for work lmfao)

But I want to get out some updates today bc the next couple weeks I will be extremely busy w my personal life with Easter and the start of my spring/summer plans fiasco!! 🐣🪺

Houskeepinggg WIP bc I’ve gained a lot of new follower in the last few days!

Part 2 to Flames & Weapons w/ @garricks4thwingqueen

Hehehe so excited for it bc this fic is so self indulgent and it’s fun to write about the other bits of the Empyrean series and having to world build

Part 5 to Shit at Feelings

Again I’m so excited for everything, but I’ve had bits and pieces drafted for this part and they can finally come together and collide for this Uber angsty part. SPOILERS goes back to canon plot line of Iron Flame ish

Ridoc x Dain’s little sister imagine

I had a Valentine’s Day theme and wanted to post around then, but better late than never?? My time management is out the window but I love the concept—I still want to post it when I can get to it

Headcannons: nicknames for him part 2 ft Dain and Ridoc & a smutty one ft. Possibly all men

Kinda struggle w HCs lowkey lmfao. My brain is just always too much w details and can’t get straight to the point

Liam Mairi smut

I’ve been cooking on this one for a whileeee 😮‍💨 since I read fourth wing last year actually

Fourth Wing AU fic

I’m researching for this one bc one: new to the hockey world(I’m a devote football girly, but I love sports bc I can hoot and holler), trying to be realistic when I write this and am waiting to finish SaF series first before committing to another fic. What I will tell you all it is going to include bc I’m considering writing from multiple character’s POV (canon x non canon)

Brother’s best friend trope, enemies to lovers, and my usual platonic friendship banter 😅

A surprise imagine

I’m not giving details about this one yet sorryyyyy

Garrick Tavis smut

A request for my dear friend, Al 🫶🏻

The rebrand of my ACOTAR era

Like i said i came back on tumblr as an ACOTAR girly original account was @k-daydreams , and actually was able to get into my old account that for past several months i was locked out of (my list of passwords go crazy oopsie), but im going to bring all my fics I posted on there to this acc

Anyway if you read this or made it this far… that’s all I got for now! Thank you for enjoying the work I put out sm! And always feel free to yap w me bc that really motivates me and strikes inspiration in my scrambled eggs brain 🤭🫶🏻

Love yewwwww ✨

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

dunno if its okay to put a little vent here but my anxietys spiking so hard rn i gotta get this off my chest. if you dont feel up to answering this pls dont worry.

i feel so insecure lately. i fear eddie wouldnt fall in love with me in a romantic way because 99% of guys i ever liked never liked me back the same way. and i know it sounds stupid but i rly am scared eddie wouldnt love me that way either. it starts to effect my writing and reading fic too and i dunno what to do. im kind and id go as far as call myself pretty most days, and people always rely on me and tell me im funny so its not like a general insecurity just...eddie would be that guy for me. and im so scared that once again i just wouldnt be that girl for him because its been like that most of the time in the past and i dont wanna start associating this feeling of sadness and rejection with eddie :(

Hi nonnie!

You can vent here if you'd like to!🫂💞 I'm so sorry your anxiety is spiking; I hope something here helps you to feel even a little better. I do wanna answer; I've spent the last hour or so since you sent this in, reading it over and over and letting my thoughts marinate in the Word Sauce and I think I finally have it ready to go down to a simmer. This is for me and @munsons-maiden and anon and anyone else feeling this way!!!🫂💖

Eddie would fall in love with you in a romantic way. He would. You would tell him that you've never been anyone's first choice, no one has ever felt for you as you have for them, and after staring at you incredulously, trying to work out if you're being serious or not, he would tell you that he's that 1% that does like you back in the same way. He's the 1%, the black sheep of Hawkins, he's the one who is a self-proclaimed cynic but practically told Steve to go after Nancy just because he couldn't bear to see two people in love but not together. A man who has never experienced that kind of love for himself yet knows it when he sees it with other people and encourages it just because he can, no ulterior motives. Eddie is that 1%, he says it as confidently as he tells you he loves Black Sabbath, and he'd make slightly awkward jokes about how he's "the one for you" and then he catches himself because you're on the third date and whoa, Munson, slow down.

But luckily for Eddie, you know him, and you're saying things like, "that makes me your one, too" and, "we can be black sheep together, it's okay, Eddie," and squeezing his hand. It's not enough for Eddie and so he interlocks your fingers together and squeezes and you giggle and you squeeze back and it turns into a hand-squeezing contest until your fingers are numb and Eddie's are bright red and it matches the colour on the shell of his ears.

It's so surreal, loving Eddie and being loved by him. Well, no... loving Eddie isn't the strange thing. Loving Eddie is the easiest thing, it's the sweetest torture you've ever known, but being loved in return by the one you love? That's the strange thing. That's the part you just cannot for the life of you wrap your head around. You've always been the one to watch from afar, the one who loves quietly, knowing you could easily voice your feelings but not doing so because there's no point, you already know they don't like you the same way you like them. But with Eddie, you were both staring at each other from afar, you were both pining for the other person, you were both thinking you weren't good enough for the other person so what was the point of even trying to confess?

But that was the point, you would both come to realise. Because you were both so scared that the other person wouldn't love you, you were both so kind and so good, so soft in a world which tried to bring out the opposite in you. You always smiled at Eddie in the corridor, you always helped him to drag his throne over from the prop cupboard back into the main circle where Hellfire Club was held, you always listened to new albums with him and stayed up late to make mixtapes when Eddie was too busy to do so, and you genuinely enjoyed him and his company. Spending time with Eddie was as relaxing to you as time spent alone and that meant something. Eddie felt the very same way with you. He always helped you when you had had a long hard day and couldn't be bothered or didn't want to cook. He rubbed your back when you cried or fetched you a thick pillow for when you wanted to scream but didn't want him to hear even when he was sat right beside you. He helped you to find really specific songs you wanted based off one lyric or a badly hummed tune. You can word vomit at Eddie, making no sense even to yourself, but Eddie will listen and say a short sentence back which is, you realise as you repeat it back to yourself, the core of what you've been thinking or feeling, and you realise he understands.

Eddie listens and he gets it and you feel most yourself when you spend time with him; he makes you want to be a better person even though, in Eddie's eyes, he sees you and all your flaws, all your negative traits (in your words, not his), and knows you to be perfect for him. He makes you want to be a better version of yourself and just by being you, you bring out the best in Eddie too. He meets you as you are, he meets you in the middle of wherever you're prepared to join him on the path of love, and the two of you so, so shakily join hands, but then it's like falling asleep; all at once.

You and Eddie work and the both of you love each other hard.

You cannot tell me in all seriousness that Eddie wouldn't love you. You can't. You're kind and you're not shy about your feelings for Eddie. This man is so sensitive, though he masks it well when the time calls for it, and he's always jumping in to defend his lost sheep or adopt another one. No one really wants to be associated with him and the ones that do willingly are labelled as freaks and become social pariahs in the hellhole that is Hawkins High. But there you are, smiling at him so hard you make yourself cry, heart squeezing in your chest and, oh, Eddie's faux shot to the heart joke suddenly becomes something he experiences from the inside. And it scares him. But the thought of not having you in his life scares him more, so Eddie sits with it just as you sit with yours. And you both channel it into loving each other harder, essentially leading each other into a very intense, very passionate, very right relationship. One for the history books.

So, listen to me.

Eddie would love you just as much as you love him. If you're kind to him and to his friends and at least nice to others when you can't handle being kind (that's hard, you know, being kind is a choice and it costs effort and that's why it's so important). He's your Eddie, he's the guy who watches you from afar thinking he doesn't deserve you, and then one day your eyes meet from across the street and you see your facial expressions mirrored in the other person and you realise you've found your 1%. Your Eddie.

And you're his Y/N; the one who loves him so hard you can only cry. So, again, you're you and you're kind and you're gentle and you love him, so why wouldn't he love you?

Because I can't think of a reason and neither can Eddie.

[alrightrandy]

new year, new plans

what's this? a geniune alrightrandy blog post that isn't just random slop? …finally.

all jokes aside, i'm well aware that i haven't necessarily been ultilizing this site – as well as other platforms im on, as much as i wanted to. however, considering the new year has just begun i believe it's time to make some form of change around here.

i just want to preface this by saying that, all through out last year, i've ran myself into some personal turmoil that led me to essentially lack any sort of focus to work on any hobbies. it's hard to explain, i feel like i have done a lot but at the same time i clearly didn't have much creative output as much as i wanted to. and again, it didn't help that i was also juggling with stuff in my personal life too.

i guess the point i'm trying to make across here is that, i haven't properly found a right balance for myself, both creatively and irl-wise. and i certainly didn't have a proper sense of direction either… but i'm hoping to change that this year!

through out the end of 2023 up until the mid january, i've went through a pretty prolific event that kind of sparked a slew of motivation and plans to really get myself back.

in summary, around the holidays a phone of mine completely bricked itself for some random reason, making it practically inaccessible for me to use. and keep in mind, i'm still saving up to get myself a laptop, so i really had no other personal devices besides that phone.

thankfully, i did manage to get a new one – however, the point is that me being phone-less for a brief moment was very "humbling" for me. not only it was the only device for communication and having a creative outlet, but it just goes to show nothing should be taken for granted. ANYTHING can be lost in a matter of seconds, a simple reminder that i really needed to get myself together.

and with that, everything brings me to here. i've somewhat finally came up with a plan to hopefully boost some motivation within me, and also have a better commitment to my creative output.

to get the obvious stuff out of the way, in reguards of my youtube channel – as well as anything reguarding about dj'ing and music. i am going to try my best to put a heavier focus on these since its something i'm still a complete beginner at. it's a new hobby i've recently picked up, and it only makes sense for me to try to lean onto it a bit more. matter in fact...

i just recently put out something onto my channel!

i'm going try to put out at least one mini mix on a monthly (or bi-monthly) basis. hopefully it will not only expand my portfolio as a dj, but i geniunely think this could help with my issues with commiting to something. plus, i think it would definitely bring in some life to my channel since i still have no clue what direction i want to take it in.

don't get it twisted, i still want to experiment with all sorts of different types of videos. however, i can't make any promises if any of it will reach the light of day. at least with these mini mixes, they will hopefully still appear consistently even if i have nothing else to upload. idk, i think its a decent enough idea to sink time into.

now, reguarding everything about creating artwork and ultilizing my platforms. it's still somewhat uncertain, however if you checked my pinned post i have recently updated it with new sites you can check me out on!

but in short, i will also try to branch out more and maybe even network myself to finding ppl / communities. and along the way, i will also try to get back into creating art since i really have been putting that on the back burner. again, no promises but i have been putting some thought into it! (i'm looking at you Newgrounds and Bluesky…)

i'm reaching my text limit, so this is all i have for now. i'll catch you guys on the flipside, i really do hope i do better this year. knock me out if this post ages horribly lol

happy 2024!

~🐇

[deathbxnny]

Hi there, so how are you rn? Have you been taking care of yourself? I apologize for being absent lately..

First of all, i would like to say that im excited to see your personal ideas that we have yet to see! I already like the fics we have been getting. Although, are you still burnout from HSR? Will there be any chance of us seeing any HSR fics in the possible future (this is just a curious question, i hope you dont mind me asking)

Second of all, any thoughts of the recents updates for HSR and Genshin Impact? In HSR, we will literally get a actual good 5 star character for free, im not joking. This is because of HSR winning three awards and all but wow we HSR players are eating good. Then there’s Genshin Impact with Ayaka with a gun..? Im planning to finally start playing Genshin again but why the hell does Ayaka has a gun?????

Third, soo i hope you dont mind asking but what’s the status with “What lies beyong the paintings”? Ik the blog is undergoing through some changes but what’s going to happen to the series? Will you still continue it or is it discontinued?

Ik you’re currently going through a rough patch rn but please remember to take care of yourself. Drink some water, eat some comfort food, take a cat nap, or anything that makes you feel happy. I hope whatever you are going through, you will come out alive and fine. Take care bxnny

- Flower anon 🌸

-----♡

Hello Flower Anon,

I thank you for your kind words and don't mind that you have been absent, especially as I have been as well. But unfortunately, I will use this post to make a more sadder announcement for the blog.

I don't think, that I'll be coming back to writing anytime soon after all. Life has made it very hard to hold on and as I've mentioned before, days are getting darker. I have no time for anything and even now on my Christmas vacation I find myself feeling no motivation or time for anything really. And for that reason, I've decided to put the account on hold, until I'm able to piece my life together again. I know this will come as an disappointment to most, but it's the best I can do.

This is my main account however and so I'll be active here and there for moots or small life updates, if there are any, but for now, everything will be on a hiatus. It hurts alot, as writing was always my only form of comfort to me, but alas, so is life. Perhaps one day I'll get back the motivation and happiness I had back in May.

And so, I thank you again Flower Anon and everyone else for supporting me and my work. It truly means the world to me.

I wish you all happy holidays and a happy new year.<33

-----♡

[thisdreamplace]

hi. i wish i had the courage to come off anon but im not comfortable with it. but i just had a good cry while scrolling through your blog. thank you. honestly, life has been so sad for years. in 2020, i found out about the law. life has been rough & i just want softness. all of these rules that have been thrown at me do not make me feel good. i’m even afraid to type this at this point bc it may “mess up my manifestation”. but all this forcing is not worth it. does anyone ever stop and say “is all this worth it”? not about being god but all the rules & methods & techniques. does anyone ever want to live in peace? i feel like all of it isn’t peace. at least for me. in my head, god is stress free. but i can’t even wake up or go to sleep without the constant thought of negativity. i wake up “man, my 3d is still this way ugh, let me ignore & force these affirmations down my throat” and repeat the next day. i haven’t enjoy my life for 2 years. is anyone not tired like me??? 😭 it’s all supposed to be simple. i’m not the type to repeat forced affirmation & analyze every damn thing. i just want to eat ice cream & chill. lol. after scrolling through your blog, i see it’s ok. it’s okay to do whatever feels right for me. i hate that i had to see your blog to understand that. i wish i believed in myself the way i believed in others. i was already thinking i should just do my own thing but i didn’t trust it. i had to see a blog say it. 🥲 no more of that tho. i trust me. if we think about it, someone had to discover this law themselves. who’s to say we can’t just come up with something our self. there is no limit. blogs & loa related people don’t resonate with me anymore (no hate at all, i’ve just evolved in some way). i believe the true feeling is what brings you peace within. what truly resonates with me is creating my own thing. so that’s what i’ll do. so this is my official goodbye to the community.

ty beautiful blog that i just so happened to come across a second ago. 😂💞

hi <3

awe anon. tbh i think a lot of people are tired. i think its morseo frightening to let it all go though. the scary thing is once you learn about this law, there is no turning back. there is always that voice bugging you that says, "you caused this, its your fault, change it ! fix it now !" the sort of peace our past ignorance used to bring is no longer an option. we cant forget everything we know. but how can we move forward from here, branching off with all we know now ? its honestly terrifying when you put so much time and energy and faith into this for so long.

its actually very beautiful that this blog gave you a sense of light ! i love that ! this is literally why i love people and interaction and experiences. because we can move forward and grow in such positive ways thanks to the light of someone else ! thats literally so beautiful to me ! its why we are here together !!! omg

i'm glad that youre finally setting urself free. take it moment by moment n be patient with yourself as you find what feels best, and learn what its like to really listen to yourself. i remember during my break how i went throught this process and i told one of my friends it felt like i was literally recovering from addiction. bc thats essentially what its become for many. logging into whatever platform everyday, getting their daily high from all the motivational content and success stories, just to crash again later when the world just isnt seemingly bending to their will like the top accounts promised. its really an addicting doomloop. so take it easy and be okay with wherever you are at a moment.

if u ever feel comfortable to come off anon, i would love to be friends <3 sending all the love and sunshine to u on ur new journey ! xo

[tl-trashtalk]

details on angsty gavi/joao for the wip ask/tag thing por favor 😳

max!! omg hi. okay so dude im sorry its taken me days to answer this. i wrote 3k words in one day and then i was traveling back home from mexico to california and immediately went to work today and now im finally getting a chance to answer you.

but anywayyyy

i have an entire not!fic typed out for this. which is basically a super rough extra long summary with a few hyper specific detail. so sorta of like an outline as well?

but the concept of the fic, if you don't wanna read the not!fic that ill put in a read more down below, is that gavi and joao are fuckbuddies of sorts but they dont talk about it and theyre really not even friends. but when joao wont let gavi reciprocate in anyway, because joao has some internalized homophobia stuff going on, there's a fight and drama. when they eventually make up they decide to only be friends. but there's a sweet fluffy ending where they become a bit more but in a more honest way know that theyve gotten close.

here's the angsty gavi/joao not!fic with more details: (not edited so go easy plz)

So imagine an alternate João and Gavi that are not so close off the pitch. Their chemistry when they're playing is Great. they celebrate together and have some very sweet moments like the hugs and João picking Gavi up, ect, all the stuff we've seen. But then everywhere else, João is standoffish. Still cordial, respectful but doesn't go out of his way to be friends with Gavi. Which Gavi doesn't normally care about gaining the friendship of teammates, he has plenty of friends in his mind. But there is something about João that is intriguing to Gavi. So there is some part of him that is a little disappointed that João doesn't seem to want more.

But then after a match, maybe one where they're some Tension on the pitch that Gavi misinterprets as João upset with him or something. Gavi asks him about it after the match. João pulls Gavi into some deserted room and instead of explaining himself, he's getting on his knees for him, peering up at Gavi with pleading eyes. All he asks is "can I?" With his hands on Gavi's shorts.

Gavi is nodding, agreeing before he can think it through and then João sucks him off, efficiently and rushed but amazing. He swallows every drop, ticking Gavi back in and leaving before Gavi can even thank him or ask for explanation.

Life continues as normal for a while and then it happens again. João gets this look on his face when they're celebrating João's goal together and Gavi can tell he *wants*. Sure enough João finds after the match again. And the same thing happens. João gives Gavi a bj and leaves before Gavi can even offer to reciprocate or talk about it.

Gavi thinks it's strange for sure but João is Asking to get him off and if wants to...who is Gavi to say no? The noises he makes are clear signs that he enjoys himself while doing it. But still something isn't setting right about the whole thing in the back of his mind.

The third time it happens, Gavi finally speaks up at the end. theyre sitting in gavi's car this time. He quickly grab ahold to João's bicep, trying to keep him from leaving. João looks terrified at the sudden gesture and won't hardly look Gavi in the face. gavi lets go immediately and says something along the lines of "i didnt mean to frighten you" and joao seems to accept that and relaxes just a little. after a beat of joao just watching gavi with his doe eyes, gavi finally asks "what are you getting out of this exactly? not that i dont enjoy it, i do, very much. so i want to make sure you're appreciated in return. and gavi tries to reach for joao's thigh on the other side of the consol. and joao gets a bit spooked again.

joao doesn't look at gavi when he answers something like "im fine, i dont need anything in return, i swear this is enough. also my motive is none of your business" which makes gavi laugh because "of course it is. dont you think i deserve to get to know the person im having sex with?" but joao doesnt know what to say to that so he answers with a scowl (that gavi finds adorable actually) and murmurers quietly "that's not on the table for us" but wont explain it to gavi.

gavi looks at him consideringly and after a few moments, he sighs and crosses his arms and tells joao "then i am off the table. until you want to be honest with me" joao doesnt answer him and doesnt look at him. just gets out of gavi's car and leaves.

at practice, it's awkward and terrible and they cant play together for a few days. by the 3rd day one of them ends up picking a fight and they both get into trouble, having to run extra laps. when they get back to the changing room mostly everyone is gone, and while theyre showering joao can see gavi in the stall next to him. he cant keeps his eyes off joao and then suddenly he's in joao's space and crowing him against the wall. joao is biting his lip and looking down at gavi and whispering "please don't kiss me". gavi wants to. so bad. and he knows joao wants him back. but he listens to joao, stepping away and going back to his own stall. and joao looks *shocked* and then it fades into a really soft smile and he nods at gavi and finisheds up, leaving the showers.

later that night, gavi gets a text from joao, asking him to meet up before training with an address. the next morning gavi pulls up to the apt building and calls joao and he tells him how to find his apt. once inside, joao tells gavi, "just because im telling you this doesnt mean that i'm going to sleep with you. or let you kiss me. im telling you because you respected me and that's very rare for me experience." so then joao unloads on gavi, tells him all about his past.

how joao had a secret relationship with an older married man when he was much to young to be doing so (but not underage). and that when they were caught, he was paid off to keep quiet and it was never reported and even if his parents never said anything, he could feel their judgement for getting involved with a man. he's never trusted anyone else since and doesn't get invovled with men to keep his parents happy. but then he got to know gavi, and he was really hard for joao to resist. so the best compromise joao could come up with was to not let gavi recipricate so that he wouldnt feel so guilty for allowing himself to give in. gavi hugs him then, holds him close and tells him how brave he is, and that he is not guilty, and tells him he understands how difficult this must have been for joao to trust him with this information. and just lets gavi hold him close for a moment before they have to go to training.

they actually get close for real after that, an unspoken agreement to not go back to hooking up quiet yet. take time during practice getting to know one another, text and ig message each other memes ect. until eventually, joao asks gavi to come over, cook for him, have dinner, and its the *best time*. joao kisses gavi against the counter, when theyre cleaning up for dinner, the sink behind gavi's back, his wet hands on joao's face. and its perfect. gavi stays to watch a little tv after dinner and they fall asleep, waking up in the dark tangled up together.

joao tells gavi he can stay, sleep in his bed. gavi agrees to stay, but insists he's fine on the couch, telling joao he'll set an alarm and probably be out before joao is awake. true to his word, gavi is gone when joao gets up, blanket folded on the couch, coffee made, and a scribbled note by a cup, telling joao good morning and see you at training with a heart.

joao is all smiles all through training and him and gavi are reallly in tune, impressing everyonee. they both feel hopeful going into the match that weekend. and for good reason. they totally slay during the game, kicking butt and each getting a goal and assist for the other. after the match, gavi is buzzing, so visibily excited and joao is so enamoured by it. when theyre walking out together, gavi asks if he can come over to celebrate with joao. joao looks hesitant but then, he's grinning and telling gavi yes.

they have a wonderful night, once again, except that they get take out. and joao intentionally asks gavi to come to bed with him and they finally sleep together for real. and its beautiful and wonderful and amazing. and joao knows he's not *fixed* and they still have a long way to go. but he cant help but feel hopeful because of the way gavi looks at him and then kisses him before they fall alseep. but even more so how he's still there when he wakes up.

[atlantis54]

2 3 19 and 21 for the writers asks!

2. well, at first, but after a while i think i'd just give up lmao. that plus i tend to be pretty disorganized so unless im keeping it in a folder or smthn that wip is going straight to the shadow realm /j

3. hmm... i guess it'd have to be having a brainrot about my wip ideas over the course of at least a few days and then losing all motivation when i actually sit down to try and make it real. it happens a lot-

21. probably not. ive been into writing since i was little, and its a hobby thats stuck to me for years, so having to quit something i enjoy doing so much sounds like a nightmare... that being said, im always welcome to take breaks from writing. a hiatus is fine but flat out quitting is a no

and finally, ask 19, which is really, really long, so ill just put it under a read more for the sake of everyone lmao

19. i started when i was really little. what age? cant remember. i had a very early love of reading and writing, so i decided to start writing stories! i originally started on paper, writing stories about whatever scenario came to mind. it didnt matter if i finished them or not, i still enjoyed it, yknow? however, the thing i loved most was making comics which combined my love of art and writing.

after a long while, i stopped with the random scenarios and started focusing more on developing coherent stories that were tied together. surprisingly, i didnt start writing online until i was around 8 or 9. it started in powerpoints of all things where i rambled about the ideas i had for my OCs and (again) random scenarios, as well as getting my friends to do roleplays. i still miss the pokemon rp me and my friends made in 3rd-4th grade ;w; good times

eventually, i moved on to the much more sensible word documents (this was when i was 9, 10 or 11 i think) where i began the creation of my Kirby fanon universe. the fanon lore that ive made for Kirby is probably the most headcanons ive ever had for anything (as Kirby was my first fandom), so this is like the beginning of a legend to me.

finally, i signed up for Fandom Wikia with the goal to share my stories with the internet. i began my migration all over the place, going from Fandom Wikia to Wattpad, then to Tumblr, then to Comic Studio, then BACK to Tumblr... its been a crazy ride. but no matter where i went i made sure to share my stories.

now, im trying to improve on my writing skills. upon rereading my older fanfics, i realized they were... well, not the best. currently, my writing to-do list is to finish the Daily Life section of my Danganronpa multiverse crossover fic, begin writing an idea for an owlbit fic, and to begin the rewrites of 2 of my older works. its a little daunting of a task, but im sure that i can do it! besides, my fanfics arent particularly popular (i only have 27 followers on wattpad rip) so i dont have to worry too much about people begging me to get on w/ the chapters heh

anyway, thank you for the ask! have a duck as an apology gift for having to read that big wall of text :D

he got the. hat

[agriffin95]

Been a While: Update

Hey guys,

It's me again. been kinda a struggle as of late just trying to adult lol. work isn't doing great I won't go into names or say where I work tho.Too much drama. Lots of just lumping my fiancé and I together, we are two separate people.Yes we're engaged.Yes we used to work together. However co workers would constantly call one of us and if one of us wouldn't answer they would go to the other. as soon as we started dating it felt like both of us were treated differently as well. idk it could be just my perception of it all but my fiancé ended up leaving and the drama continued and things just haven't been the best.I also got suspended for attendance a few time due to kinda just everything (overworked, stress, just loss of motivation)  My sister isn't great. she's having stomach issues and we're not sure what it is yet. that ways on me a lot which is why I called out one day and right away the day after I got suspended for it. we don't see each other as much since were adults but as her big brother I worry bout her. I text her to make sure she's ok and when she comes to my parents house I check in on her. financially I'm kinda screwed rn tho which just adds more stress. I'm kinda in this in between phase of trying to look for a new job and start fresh.Its just something I need to do for myself. I made amazing friends and met my fiancé where I was but being friends with your higher ups in the department is biter sweet. We have good times but it's difficult to juggle work and personal life like that on top of other things going on in life. I could go on but I just wanted to put it all out there.I finally just need to make changes that I've been putting off and causing me to stress out and become depressed leading to habits like drinking, minor hoarding and not being smart about the important things. Im just so happy I have my fiancé to support me and a family to support me was well. sometimes I am ashamed that I'm 27, deff a mess, no full time job even though I've tried and I'm still in my parents house for now but soon after I go through my stuff ill be able to make the move and get my shit together. I know I'm “still young” but I feel like I should be further in life than I am and I've been making a lot of the same mistakes and I need to get out of this cycle. 

I don't know if anyone will read this, frankly I don't care either way I just wanted to type it out and get it all off my chest. something to look back on to help me in the long run. all in all I'm working on myself and I'm trying to look on the bright side and I'm ready to be a better me. 

-A   4/8/23

[lil-kissy]

Alright I know at this point I probably sound like a broken record but when it comes to threads and replies I'm pretty chill.

Sure quick replies are nice, it's great to be able to just keep on things going and sometimes can help maintain the interest and motivation plus at least for me my ADHD often craves that immediate serotonin boost that comes with seeing a reply so. So waiting is hard I won't deny it,

But that doesn't also mean I don't understand the myriad of reasons that exist and while just like waiting for a package to be delivered being patient isn't easy. I can and will wait till my partner is ready to continue, if ever you see me pop into your IMs I promise it's only out of curiosity as well as wanting to try of course wanting to try and keep some communication with you guys- and obviously even for those I don't necessarily expect an immediate response.

I try to ask before simply throwing an link to an old thread- in case the person already does have it saved and avoid feeling awkward but in either case whether you see me asking 'hey you need/want a link to thread' or I've sent a link to one of our threads that I know I personally wouldn't mind continuing I simply want people to know that there is no pressure to respond to it right away or even at all.

Consider it a personal interest checker and as well as a casual reminder- lord knows I've unintentionally become distracted and forgotten about threads (or talked with friends that hadn't realized or forgotten themselves that the ball was in their court now so to speak)

Of course as always that doesn't mean a reply is mandatory and if whatever the reason interest / motivation ect isn't there and would rather drop the thread as is that's cool.

While I'm more then happy to discuss and see if there's any spark left, any potential in resurrecting an old thread or seeing if there's anything to be used to spring board I don't want any one to think or take that as me trying to force a thread - I simply like at least trying to explore other angles and possibilities but it still doesn't mean we gotta.

-Bonus alternative is if there is still some mutual interest but are both at block on exactly what to do, that's when I'll just suggest shelving it and putting it on the back burner.

So it doesn't have to be completely dropped dead but also allowing for focusing on new things while letting it rest- and basically at that point if it'll either just fade away and die on its own as other stuff takes off or maybe we'll finally reach a break/ find the missing piece to get the gears moving again and boom off we go.

I've had both happen- sometimes even just a change of direction/plan helps,

example: Something that started out as a regular sick/hurt character thread/plot and let's say we came up with potential things to happen but oops a snag was hit on how to continue , maybe it's as simple as well what is Muse A's motivation for doing 'thing' or piecing together a okay why couldn't the do 'thing' or why be at 'place'

or from personal experience- there was a plan/idea but life happened and now we both don't remember what exactly it was, at best remember fragments of ideas but aren't sure of how they fit or what the bigger picture was.

But hey guess what "X just happened in Y thread so what if that connects to muse in Z..."

Does it always work nah and as always sometimes a thread is best left alone and dropped and that's A-okay. And heck just cause the thread itself is dropped doesn't mean we have to leave/drop whatever idea we were working with in it. Take it rework it, hell start the idea completely over, fresh slate with new ideas brought to the table.

Yeah okay so I don't always drop threads easily or like to totally give up on a plot/idea but I also will never try to force one to continue and am totally fine with letting them drop if need be.

--

tl;dr

At the end of the day I can wait as along as needed, just let me know if I actually should be waiting time to try something new and understand that if you ever seem me toss a link to a thread into your IMs / ask about any you want to continue,

Basically picture me holding up a game or a movie and asking if you're (still) interested in playing/watching it, and know whether to continue putting it on- be it now or later- or search for something else. That's it. Nothing more.

[mxchellesworld]

Discuss!

Spencer Reid x Reader

Synopsis; Where the team discusses the question ‘do you kiss after head’, you find out Spencer has too little experience to answer the question so you help him out

Warnings; smut, oral (male receiving), sub!spencer, praise, slight degradation 

a/n; LMAO im so sorry for disappearing again life has been actually kicking my ass but anyways lately i’ve been thinking about subby early season spence so here we go,, hope you enjoy!

***

Another Friday night and the team was out bar crawling after an easy case. But this time all members were there as it reached 11pm which was rare. Usually Hotch and JJ would have been home by 10:30 and Spencer wouldn’t have been there at all. But there was something light in the air which had all parties concerned sitting packed in a booth, laughing after each sip of their drinks. 

Since it wasn’t your first rodeo together you knew how the night went. It started off with Rossi offering to buy the first few rounds, always whiskey but he made an exception for Penelope. Then again who would deny her anything. 

Once the drinks were flowing and lips got a little loose, the questions would start popping in at the top of your heads. However these were not your run of the mill, ‘hows so and so doing?’ ‘done your taxes yet?’ oh no. The name of the game was discuss where you would all think of a question which would help you dig just a tiny bit deeper into your coworkers sex lives. 

Maybe if you were all sober then you’d avoid thinking of each other in such positions, pun intended, yet in this state your prying minds were open and your stomachs were ready to grow abs from bending over in laughter. 

You raised the margarita glass up clinking it with a fork to get the tables attention. Everyone including Aaron had a smile on their face, ready to hear the intrusive question for the night. 

“Ok my fellow profilers, doctor, and tech genius,” you added pointing at Spencer then Pen, “Do you kiss your partner after they give you head? Discuss!” you finished in your most formal voice. 

Right as you took a swig of your drink the mixed responses of yes and no filled your small space. 

“Why wouldn’t you? You guys especially, if someones willingly trying to swallow then you damn well owe them a kiss,” Emily finished earning nods and ‘exactly’s from JJ, Pen, and yourself. 

“Ok but thats weird. I just can’t explain it but its a no go for me,” Morgan finished. This only gained him a scoff and raised voices, “Hotch man help me out here,” he said looking over to the man hiding his smirk behind the amber liquid. 

“I have to agree with the ladies here Derek,” he said curtly. 

The girls yelped and hooted at Hotch for siding with them while Morgan sat with his arms crossed being the singular person left out as even Rossi agreed. Meanwhile you noticed the presence next to you had shrunk back and wasn’t too active in the conversation. 

“So Spence do you kiss your partner after they,” you trailed off shaking your fist by your cheek and poking your tongue in the side. 

He coughed as he instantly sat up quicker. Even under the dim lights of the bar you could still see the blush creeping up from his neck to his ears and the slightest tint on his cheeks. 

“Oh I uh- I never-” he said looking anywhere but your eyes. 

“You don’t kiss them?” you said raising your brows. 

“No! I-i mean yes. I would I think b-but I haven’t had the chance to actually partake in such.. activities,” he finished finally taking a look into your eyes. 

You could tell he was waiting for you to laugh in his face for being so inexperienced but you felt far from it. If anything you wished you could be the one to show him things. 

That sweet boy had you wrapped around his finger and he didn’t even know it. Maybe it was his naivety considering how exceptionally smart he was. Or maybe it was the cute sweater vests he wore and now he nervously tucked his hair behind his ears. All you knew was that you wanted Spencer Reid and tonight was your night to make it happen. 

You hummed taking in the information, “Well that’s not a bad thing Spence. Everything takes time,” you said putting your hand on his arm for comfort and giving him a smile. 

Going to turn back to face the table you almost didn’t hear Spencer go to speak again, “Do you?” 

Got him.

“Why don’t you find out pretty boy,” you said with a wink as you downed the rest of your marg. In the corner of your eye you could see Spencer shifting in his seat, subtly moving his bag to cover the slowly growing tent in his slacks. 

As the night went by you couldn’t help but really give him a show. You had popped open a button or two on the long sleeve you had on, since it was getting stuffy in the booth. Though when you leaned forward and jutted your chest out, the soft inhale of a breath from the man next to you was just serving as motivation to get bolder. 

For the last hour you called it quits on the alcohol and drank a few glasses of water before you drove home. Spencer had been uncharacteristically quiet ever since your little interactions. 

The team had all gotten up to say their goodbyes. Rossi going by and giving everyone a kiss on each cheek. Derek having to quite literally rangle Penelope from talking to passing by groups on their way out. Then there were two. 

You turned to the side where Spencer was nursing on his coke, “Hey pretty boy, it’s late, let me give you a ride home,” you said grabbing your belongings. 

“Y-yeah ok. Thanks Y/n,” he said getting up. You’d noticed how he still had the burnt orange bag over his crotch. He couldn’t still be hard could he? Well you’d love to find out. 

As gentlemanly as he was, Spencer opened the door for you to exit the building first. The whip of fresh night air cooling on your exposed chest and legs under your skirt. 

You unlocked your car and stepped in, Spencer waiting to hear the little beep signaling his side was open. As he sat down you heard him let out a little whimper. Your head shot over to look at him, you could tell from the flush on his cheeks he didn’t mean to let the noise out. 

Holding in your chuckle you started the ignition and pulled out of the lot, “Can I put on some music?” 

“Yeah I don’t mind,” he said looking over at you with his lips in a line. If it was anyone else, they’d probably think he was uncomfortable but you loved his tiny awkward smiles. 

The ride to his apartment was mostly silent besides a rare quip from Spencer about paper work or fact about an older building you had passed by. It fascinated you to no end hearing him talk. Spencer was a hand speaker, meaning he always used his hands waving them around and making gestures. The pale digits had you captivated. Probably a driving hazard but you couldn’t help but let your mind wander. 

You pulled up into one of the visitor spots and put the car in park. You looked over to see Spencer almost contemplating something. You’d seen the look on his face before when he was looking over puzzles. 

“Somethin on your mind Doc?” you said with a small smile. As cute as he looked when he was nervous, you’d never want him to feel uncomfortable around you. 

“Would you-,” he cleared his throat, “Wo- Would you maybe want to c-come inside?” 

“Of course Spence I’d love to,” you finished with a reassuring nod. 

As he led you upstairs you were giddy with anticipation. So what if nothing happened. He was your friend first and you were glad he was letting you into his personal space. Even if you wanted nothing more than to have him writhi-

“Y/n?” 

The door closing snapped you out of your thoughts. You didn’t even realize you were in his living room. The dark green walls and shelves bursting with books put a grin on your face, “Sorry Doc, just caught up in my thoughts. What did you say hun?” 

His brows practically raised to his hairline from hearing the pet name. While he was used to the names coming from Garcia they took a whole different light coming from your lips. 

“I was asking if you wanted water or something,” he said fiddling with the keys in his hands. Eyes darting everywhere but your face so you wouldn’t be able to see the flush rising on his cheeks. 

“No I’m fine thanks for asking though,” you said taking a seat on the worn leather couch. 

You reached for the tv remote making a face at Spencer to ask for permission. He nodded and you settled back turning on an old sitcom that played late at night. 

As the episode ended you both sat in silence. Again you didn’t mind but you could practically hear the cogs moving in Spencer’s brain. 

You were about to speak when he cut you off before you could even get a word out, “What did you mean by ‘why don’t you find out’.”

Gaining confidence you moved closer to where he was on the couch, slow enough for him to stop you in case he wanted to back out. 

“Well you have options pretty boy,” you said moving a leg to straddle him. Your hands instinctively going to his brown locks. You could’ve sworn you heard a little moan leave his chapped lips. Noted. 

“W-what are the options,” lust blown eyes looked up to yours. 

“One, you can put that mouth to good use on me,” you said trailing your finger over his bottom lip, “and let me cum over that pretty face.” 

His eyes shut hearing your words and you weren’t having it, “Nuh uh eyes on me honey,” instantly they were back on yours. 

“Or number two. I can suck you off and let you cum down my throat, but,” you paused making sure to roll your hips on his growing length, “ you have to give me a nice big smooch after.” 

The hands on your hips pulled you closer as he bucked his hips into you as you finished the sentence. It was clear which option was preferred. 

You moved to slide down in between his legs. You let your hands trail down his clothed thighs, causing him to jump. 

“Tsk such a needy boy,” you said mockingly, “Am I not going fast enough baby?”

“Please Y/n,” he all but whimpered. It was like music to your ears. 

Your hands went to his belt, looking up in his eyes for a final sign of permission. Once he nodded you quickly undid it and he lifted his hips to help get his pants down. You palmed him over his boxers, feeling the wet patch where he was already leaking pre cum. 

“Is this all for me Spence? Does the thought of my lips around you make you this hard,” you said taking him out of the striped confines. 

“Oh god please just,” he cut himself off. You could see his hands curling fists besides his legs. 

“Please what baby? I can’t give you anything unless you ask.” Your hands continued their task of leisurely stroking his length. 

“Fuck please put your mouth on me,” he rushed out, hips bucking to prove his point. 

The answer was good enough for you so you wasted no time in leaning forward and taking him in your mouth. Both of you let out content sighs as you tried to take him further. 

You looked up to see him with his head leaned back, eyes scrunched closes in pleasure. 

You pulled off with a pop, letting your hand work him over. “Better keep those pretty eyes on me before I decide you can’t finish.”

He looked down with a flash of worry, that was quickly replaced by a loud moan as you spit down on his cock before taking him in your mouth again. 

For a germaphobe, Spencer loved how nasty it was. He was thanking god or whatever higher being there was for giving him his eidetic memory because the sight below him was something he’d never wanna forget. 

Your eyes were teary and you had spit dribbling down your chin but he wanted nothing more than to give you more than just a kiss after you finished. Or well after he finishes. 

You could tell he was close by the way he was throbbing on your tongue. Again taking him out of your mouth you used both hands to jerk him off. 

“You’re doing such a good job baby. So good for me. You wanna cum in my mouth pretty boy?”

“God Y/n I’m so close please please please,” he whimpered out. 

“Cum for me baby, be my good boy Spence,”  you said before taking him down your throat. He was big, not girthy but long and it was a struggle but you’d be damned if you didn’t try to take him all. 

Hollowing your cheeks you bobbed your head quickly, egging on his release further. His hands finally found a place in the back of your head. Pushing you down further as he came. 

“F-fuck Y/n I’m gonna”

His moans and whines were a symphony of sounds you’d have on repeat in your head forever. 

You swallowed the salty release but before you could even wipe your lips you were being pulled up by Spencer placing his lips on yours. You moaned into the kiss, his hands gripped the sides of your face not wanting to let you go. 

The need for air made you both pull back. You looked at one another, chests heaving and looking like you ran a marathon. 

Then a sad look came across his face. 

“Spencer what’s wrong?” 

“You didn’t get any pleasure,” he said looking like a hurt puppy. Oh your sweet boy. 

“It’s ok baby, I can take care of myself,” you tried to shrug off.

He was quick to push you back on the couch, taking the spot you were previously in. His warm lips trailing down your exposed thighs. 

“I wanna do it, but only if you kiss me after.”