#i love my friends so much :')

[zinesbycee]

i love you (i bought your favourite drink) i love you (i dream about your future happiness) i love you (i lift weights so i can pick you up) i love you (i ask how you are every day) i love you (please text me when you get home) i love you (today and tomorrow and for however long i am blessed with you)

[vacuously-true]

What the hell is up with always feeling so empty when I know my heart should feel so full?

I have so many people who love me. Friends from every place I've been, every school I've attended, every job I've had, every website I've found community in, even websites that ceased to exist almost a decade ago. Friends in a dozen countries, friends from every generation.

Friends I see every day and friends I text every day. Friends who take care of me more than I take care of them. Friends I take care of more than they take care of me. Friends who fit perfectly reciprocally against me- what they need is where my skills lie and vice versa.

For every broken thing inside me I have multiple friends who know exactly how to respond to it. Every need I have can be met perfectly by one (or more) of my friends who is especially skilled at providing that specific thing AND gets joy from doing it. And I know it. And I know who to lean on for every one of my instabilities. And I usually do it, because I'm not as scared of needing people and asking for help as I used to be.

And I love taking care of my friends too, and they know I'm always happy to do it.

And I feel so empty and alone a lot of the time anyway. And it makes no sense, it's so objectively false and yet so emotionally true. And I don't know what to do about it. It's exhausting to feel so hollow even when you KNOW how full you should be. Like every bit of love and energy my friends pour into me gets eaten up like I'm a black hole.

I just don't understand? And like. I'm okay. I get by. I function. Intellectually I know I am loved and so I usually don't hurt too bad. But I'm still dragging the heavy hollowness around. And I worry it might be incurable. Because if what I have already hasn't cured it, why would anything else?

[sweaterrat]

You ever have friends so sweet and nice that it’s kinda suspicious?

Who sent you?

Who is your leader? 🤨🤨🤨

[underyourwinghomeout]

It's me and my best friends, and we're all reading the homework together. it so happened that there were exactly four of us, two guys and two girls, so I couldn't help but make us a kid team (what title could we have?)

[winterrlunarhalo]

At a party with everyone I’ve ever known and I immediately know that this is a dream.

That’s easily remedied. I shake myself awake and try to throw myself off the drinks table. It hasn’t worked. Except I see a group of my friends (could I even call these people my friends anymore?) talking about how every three seconds a baby is born. My brain has gone into a whir of 1 2 3 born 1 2 3 born 1 2 3 born.

I walk around the room and try to rearrange groups. Now what would be the criteria? Do I group people on the basis of what age they knew me at? Do I group them on the basis of whether they know how I got the gash on my forehead? Or do I group them based on how I act around them? This is mortifying.

Once a month light refuses to pass through my body and I ignore all the messages I get. Right now we make eye contact across the room and you know so much about me and yet not enough. I thought being in your vicinity will make things so much easier but you are not who you usually are in my head. I remember telling her once about how I wrote something about being my own tragedy when I was 16 and we make eye contact and laugh because as corny as it was, it still holds true to this day to some extent.

We are standing at the corner of the room and you both are questioning everyone I know. A part of me is defensive but deep down I agree fully. See, most of my life I went through with the dire need of being liked, never questioning once whether I even liked. Instead I landed up with you both, who saw me at my worst and decided to stay and love the fuck out of me. I’m seeing the world in double now and the entire room is spinning and it feels like someone has set my brain on a spinning top and in one of the visions we are back in that kitchen and I’m heating up food made for one, for three.

Anyway back to the party, I am handing out vol-au-vents I learned how to make on a whim for a beach birthday, and some of these people desperately need to leave. The sun is almost up and I can feel my senses come alive. I don’t yet know what you look like but I am sure I will once I see you. I check your horoscope before mine because I’m just that pathetic and I know it doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things but hey, can’t hurt to be wary. You help me rush out the people I don’t want in here anymore, and it’s nice (and so scary) that you know me this well.

Now I’m at a party with the people I love and now I’m anxious for entirely different reasons. I don’t think there will ever be a way for me to let them know that I love them. My mouth aligns and curves to say I love them but it ends up coming out as a joke or a slight nudge against them. I also realized that I’m bad at writing for the people that mean the most to me, which is so …? Writing is the one thing I can do?

The sheer act of placing a piece of my heart that is you for you to peer over and finish with your cheeks turning into apples is so daunting to me. I still try. I still talk through most of it lest what I feel should bubble over and cover us both in it. Best believe my skin is going to be covered with laugh lines and crow’s feet in less than 20 years, a mark of fondness so unbearable that it left behind its stains. That doesn’t matter. None of this does.

Coming to terms with the fact that I have lived a life suffocating my lungs, barring it from truly breathing has occurred to me recently. At the first breath of oxygen my heart beat so loudly and fast that I was sure it was enough to power up my room. Consequently it learned that this is the way it’s going to be now, and that it doesn’t store up for the future. The sun is over the horizon and the sky is pink and there’s a nice hum settling into my bones as my spinning brain returns to equilibrium.

There’s music playing and I get pulled into all of us while dancing. Love was something that was supposed to happen to other people, according to a much younger me. I would meet her at a crossroad and tell her that love has happened to you and that its a joy to be “another person” and that it doesn’t have to be done alone.

It’s almost over. We will have to leave soon. And so we hold each other tightly and materialize us in pictures and frames and canvases as to say that I was here and you were here and please don’t forget that love was here. Love still is.

[sorchathered]

I would like everyone to know I am neither cool nor mysterious, I am a giant fucking nerd who loves to baby all of her friends and spends too much time on the Internet. You should 100% message me anytime you wanna talk, I will absolutely respond because I love making new friends.

@bobgasm @attapullman and @sailor-aviator can all confirm 😂

[iamtheoneandonlyever]

HAD A CRAZY TOGETHER MOMENT WITH MY BESTIE???

IM NEVER GONNA SEE HER AGAIN AND I HAVE MY (PLATONIC) BYLER MOMENT???

[jewishvitya]

The day before yesterday had a conversation with a Christian friend who always made me feel really good with her approach to Judaism, and the conversation only made me feel even better. I love when people appreciate my culture without being weird about it, just genuine love and friendship.

You're the best.

[hello-im-queer]

Loving people so much your chest hurts>>>>

[midiport]

autistic freaks in the labyrinth

[angelnumber27]

My life has improved a lot since being more consistent with responding to and talking to friends and saying yes to plans instead of letting anxiety make me say no. Maintaining good relationships and having a support system is so important. I isolated myself badly for over two years just out of fear and anxiety and depression and I was REALLY suicidal not that long ago. I recently decided that I deserve to actually live and have fun and be with my friends, not just isolate and rot in bed and it was literally a life-changing decision

[soulmvtes]

my friend got me the faber 'the orange and other poems' by wendy cope 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[seraphina-cat]

why do none of my friends ever want to be in a qpr with me

[vaxieon]

This is SUCH a beautiful framing job, please behold the work of my friends @gunpowderpenguin & husband 😭 what a birthday gift thank u so much

[pencildragons]

you ever love your friends so much that you're overwhelmed with the urge to crawl inside their chest and curl up in the soft warm cavity behind their breastbone and live in their skin with them forever and ever and ever. yeah

[yellow-computer-mouse]

HELP MY FRIEND IS SO NICE OUGHGHG

so she has really homophobic parents but STILL for my bday (I just got the gift today bc of avoiding said parents) SHE GOT ME AN ENTIRE FUCKING PRIDE FLAG

OUGH SHE'S SO NICE