#i love sharing my art but with no other outlets what the fuck can i do???

[k8katdoodles]

I'm fucking pissed, this is bullshit

[2chopsticks2eyes]

Obsession

2chopsticks2eyes - Masterlist

Pairing:

Bang Chan x Fem Reader

Hwang Hyunjin x Fem Reader

Themes: Smut, Pining

Word Count: ~6k | AO3

Warnings: Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Cussing, Oral Sex, Hand Jobs, Vaginal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Vaginal Sex, Cum Eating, Pining, Protected Sex, Ambiguous/Open Ending

Summary: You find out that this new guy you are going to start dating, Chris, is your best friend's new roommate. You are excited, but your best friend, Hyunjin (who may or may not be madly in love with you) is not so thrilled. Chris notices this and the two men settle on some sort of... agreement.

Author's Note: This work was inspired by a request from @stayandot8. I think this might be the shortest fic I've written, but I promise I put my heart into it! 💖 Proofread was only skimmed over so I hope it isn't trash. 🙃

__________________________________________

Hyunjin had been your best friend for what felt like ages. However, in reality, you two only met a couple of years ago when you started teaching with him at an art studio. You bonded with him over your shared affinity with fine arts and it was the most natural friendship you had ever experienced. You were just simply comfortable with one another.

Some might say a bit too comfortable. At least for a friendship between a boy and a girl.

Since you were co-workers, you spent most of your time with the man. You would have your meals with him, spent your days off with him, and even spent some nights at each other’s places if one of you was too lazy to go home for the night.

You don’t think that there was anything you wouldn’t be comfortable with around him. That’s what lead you to ask him to come shopping with you for your new date.

“How long have you even been talking to this guy?” He said as he stole your coffee from your hands while you strolled through the outlet mall, looking for a place to shop. He emptied the contents of the drink and tossed it into a nearby garbage bin.

“Just a few weeks, but we really clicked on Tinder and he agreed that he wasn’t just looking for a quick fuck.” You glanced in one of the windows of a shop and decided against it, continuing your walk with your bestie.

“And you’re sure he’s not some creep?” He glanced at you speculatively.

“I’m sure, you worry wart. Plus, if he is you know I can handle myself.” You bumped elbows with him and he rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay fine. Just wanna look out for my girl.” He winked down at you and you scoffed. Always the biggest flirt, this guy. “What’s this guy’s name again? I think I tuned you out when you said it before.” He said nonchalantly.

“Yah!” You weakly smacked him on the arm, making him dramatically hold onto it as if you had shot him. “It’s Bang Chan, you pabo!” He immediately halted in his tracks, making you stop as well to raise an eyebrow at him. “Jin? Did you malfunction?” You shook his arm with a chuckle.

He stared down at you in disbelief. “Did you say Bang Chan?” He sounded as if you just told him that you were the Queen of England and you giggled.

“Uhhh yeah? He also goes by Chris. Why? Wait–” Your tone quickly changed into one of exasperation. “Hyunjin, please don’t tell me you went to a fortune teller again. Did they ward you away from any ‘Bang’ family names or something? I told you to stop going after what happened last time!” You scolded, memory flashing back to when he only wore white 24/7 because it was ‘guaranteed to bring him great wealth’. You had to help him with his laundry for weeks because he couldn’t stop getting stains on everything he wore.

“No, no, no. What does this guy look like?” He looked almost panicked now and you started to become concerned.

“Ummm, well… He’s a bit shorter than you. Super muscular with broad shoulders. A super bright smile and dimples that I just want to swim in…” You started to sound wistful as you described the dreamy beefcake. “Oh and don’t even get me started on his di–”

“Oh god, Aegiya, STOP.” The man sounded disgusted and you doubled over laughing. You were only a year younger than him and he just had to milk it by always calling you a baby.

“Dude, what’s the deal?” You finally wondered.

He huffed and continued walking, annoyance written all over his features as he stared straight forward. “Well, apparently it appears that your new boy toy also happens to be the new roommate I got last week…” He grumbled and now it was time for you to stop in your tracks.

“What??” To say the least, you were pretty surprised.

He just continued to walk and you scurried over to catch up to him. “Yyyyep. Congrats. I now get to help you plan for your date with my fucking roommate.” He sounded super put out and you cackled at him.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! That’s fucking hilarious!” After a moment of your chortling, your brain cut you off short when you felt a lightbulb blink to life. “Oh my god, Jinnie! You have to tell me about him! Do you think he’s into more of a wild girl, or a shy one? Does he cook? Clean? What kind of music does he–”

“Hey little lady, you probably know more about him than I do. Like I said, he just recently moved in.” You gave him puppy dog eyes and he glanced over at you momentarily, quickly looking straight forward again with a disbelieving huff. “All I can tell you is that he produces music, he constantly works on it day in and day out as if his life depends on it. I’m surprised he even found the time to date.”

You smiled to yourself. He made time for me? As if fate had heard your conversation, the two of you started getting nearer to the perfect store. “Let’s go in here, Jinnie!” You grabbed his arm to pull him in, but he was as firm as a statue.

“Nuh-uh. Nooo way am I going into a sex shop with you to help you bone my fucking roommate. You’re nuts.” He looked at you as if you had grown two heads.

“Awww c’mon, Jinnie, pleeease? I need the male objective’s eye! I don’t want to go in alone!” You grabbed onto his hand and looped your fingers to intertwine with his. “Please…” You donned your cutest pout and squeezed his hand.

His brows furrowed and he looked like he was having a genuine internal battle. “Damnit, Aegiya…” He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. “You’d better make this quick. AND you owe me a shit ton of ice cream after this…”

A smile burst out across your face and you threw your arms around his shoulders, giggling like a school girl. “Ahhh! Thankyouthankyouthankyou, Jinnie! This is why I love you!” When you pulled back from the embrace, he looked annoyed, but you could definitely see a rosy color dusted across his cheeks and a deep red bloom on the tips of his ears.

You intertwined fingers again and dragged him into the store.

You felt like a kid in a candy store, finding set after set of lingerie and handing it to Hyunjin to hold onto. “Okay, I think we’ve accumulated enough, little Miss Pamela Anderson!” He shouted at you from behind the pile he had stacked in his arms.

You giggled at his drowning appearance and led him to the changing rooms where you sat him down on the bench just outside the door. “Wait here, I’m gonna try them on!” You grabbed the first set from his arms and skipped off to try it on.

You struggled a bit on the first one just because it was so intricate, but you ended up figuring it out. It had crossed your mind that it might feel a bit weird for some girls to show their male best friend themselves wearing lingerie, but, again, you were just so comfortable with Hyunjin that you didn’t think twice.

“Jin, I think this might be a bit much, what do you think?” You said as you opened the door to show him.

At first, he wasn’t really paying attention, just mindlessly scrolling away on his phone. However, when he looked up, the phone clattered to the ground, which he quickly retrieved while clearing his throat for some reason. “Uh– I– Um, it looks– uh… good? I guess?” He said, desperately avoiding eye contact with you.

“Yeah, but look–” You turned around to show him the backside that looked like a damned jungle of straps, buckles, and latches. “Doesn’t this seem too complicated?” When you looked at him again, his whole head and neck were a deep crimson as he zoned out on your ass. “Jinnie?”

He quickly snapped out of it and his eyes darted anywhere and everywhere away from you. “U-Uh yeah– y-yeah…” 

You figured you didn’t want it to be too hard to get out of because that’s just not sexy if you have to struggle in the moment. You just shrugged. “Okay, then. Next!” You grabbed the next piece off the pile and shut yourself back into the changing room.

You repeated this several times, you put on the next set after the next set, continuing to ask Hyunjin for his input until you slipped on the final piece.

It was perfect. A completely black (which you knew Chris liked) bustier with mesh, lace fabric woven over the spines of the top. Complete with a garter belt and crotchless panties. All you needed were some stockings and it would be perfect.

However, you obviously couldn’t show these to Hyunjin, they were crotchless! And contrary to popular belief, you did have some standards. Anyway, you knew it was perfect with or without his opinion.

You quickly changed back into your clothes and stepped out, items in hand and ready to be purchased. “This is the one! Ready to go?”

Instead of a grumble with a remark like ‘finally’ or something equally as chafing coming from his mouth, you were surprised to hear him say– “What? That’s it? But you didn’t…” He stopped mid-sentence and blushed.

“I couldn’t show you this one, Jin. It was a bit much, even for you. But, trust me, you would have loved it.” You said enthusiastically as you walked to the checkout counter.

He just simply replied with– “Oh… okay…” And was suspiciously silent for the rest of the day.

- - - - - - - - - - 

Jinnie 🥟🍦:

Ur date is tonight right?

Aegiya ❣🎨:

?Yeah, why

?Omg did he say something

?Did he ask u abt me

?He’s not calling it off is he

As much as Hyunjin wanted to lie and say yes, he wouldn’t do that to you.

Jinnie 🥟🍦:

No no, I was just checking

Was thinking about going out tonight too

(He wasn’t)

Jinnie 🥟🍦:

Ya know, give u guys privacy

Aegiya ❣🎨:

Ur such a sweetheart, Jinnie

But I don’t want to kick u out of ur own home

We will probably go back to my place anyway

The thought gave Hyunjin a knot in the back of his throat.

Jinnie 🥟🍦:

Oh ok cool

Have fun

(He hoped you wouldn’t)

Aegiya ❣🎨:

😉 Will do

He grumbled at his phone and flopped onto his back on the bed. Ever since he met you, he knew you were special. However, since you were coworkers, apparently that meant he had a big ole ‘FRIENDZONE’ stamped on his forehead in red and he would never make it any further than #besties.

But it was fine. He was just happy to have you in his life because you were, in fact, a really cool person.

You had dated a few people here and there in the years since you two became friends and he obviously wasn’t a fan, but he was happy any time you were happy, so he stayed silent.

However, when he found out that you were going to date his freshly new roommate, he started to get a bit more agitated. What if you two really hit it off? Yes, you would be around a lot, but would you still come around for him? Or would you only want to come to see Chris? Not to mention the fact that he would have to listen to the man fucking you just down the hall!

…

Okay, maybe the idea of being within such proximity to you while you were moaning and whining and getting fucked silly might be a turn-on… even if it wasn’t him making you feel that way…

Ever since you took him shopping, it was like his horniness was amplified by ten and his mind was on a constant loop of images of you in that lingerie. Whatever caused you to feel the need to model them to Hyunjin, he didn’t know, but now the godforsaken thoughts plagued him day and night! 

Sometimes he even got a little pissed, thinking you were just stringing him along to tease him, but he would quickly come to his senses because in his heart he knew that you loved him. Even if it was just as a friend.

A knock on Hyunjin’s door disturbed him from his thoughts. Of course, the man of the hour would show up right in the middle of his very important brooding session. “Come in!” He shouted to his roommate.

The door opened and he was greeted with the bright smile of that damned Aussie. Hyunjin couldn’t even hate him and that pissed him off even more. Chris was just such a genuinely good guy. He could literally befriend anyone he wanted and he was super talented too. Hyunjin never had any self-esteem issues, he knew he was gorgeous, but the fact that Chris was the one to snatch you kind of hurt his pride.

“Hey, roomie! Whatcha doin?” He plopped down next to the younger on his bed.

“Just thinking of where I should go tonight. I’m not really interested in hearing…” The words were left unsaid, but Chris understood right away. 

Chris was pretty surprised when you told him that Hyunjin was your best friend, but he was also kind of happy that you were already so tight with his new roommate.

Although, when Chris talked to Hyunjin about the topic, he noticed that the taller man became a bit sullen any time your name was brought up. Chris could instantly tell that Hyunjin was in love with you.

He thought he should have maybe been pissed or concerned, but he wasn’t. He moreso felt sympathy for the young man. Yes, Chris was also incredibly smitten with you, but that only made him feel more sorry for the younger. Because he knew the effect you had on both of them.

He placed a gentle hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder. “Hey, man, listen,” Chris said apologetically. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you like her. I’m not blind.”

Hyunjin shot up into a seated position. “W-what are you talking about? I’m not into her like that at all!” He himself knew he didn’t sound believable. “We’re just friends…”

Chris just sighed. “Okay, sure, but the statement still stands. You don’t have to leave our place on account of me. Me and her can go back to her place after.” Chris gnawed on his lip as if he was contemplating something and Hyunjin was intrigued. “Or…” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “We could still come over with you here…”

Hyunjin couldn’t lie to himself, he always wanted to hear what you would sound like in bed, but it just felt… wrong? “I dunno hyung… I don’t want to spoil your guys’ date.” Although it pained him to say it.

“Well that’s the thing, I don’t think you would.” Chris countered and Hyunjin just looked at him quizzically. “Okay, let me explain. So she told you we met on Tinder, right?” Hyunjin slowly nodded, not sure where he was going with this. “Well, we really started off talking about our… sexual preferences–” Hyunjin was certainly intrigued now. “And she had mentioned once that she always wanted to try a threesome…”

Hyunjin’s jaw dropped. “Oh…” He didn’t know what else to say. Where was Chris heading with this?

“Take it however you like, but just know that if you just so happened to be home and just so happened to walk in on us… I don’t think she would be opposed to some… company… if you get what I mean.” Chris hinted and Hyunjin was frozen on the spot.

“And you want that??” Hyunjin was flabbergasted.

Chris chuckled. “I mean, I know what it’s like to be friendzoned by a girl and I also know what it’s like to have bad blood between roommates. And I don’t want either of those things, so why not let her decide?” Chris was genuinely too good to be true. “And don’t think I don’t want her to myself, because, trust me, I do. But you are an important part of her life. It’s best that she knows how you feel before things get too serious.”

Hyunjin didn’t even know how to respond. Hell, he didn’t know how to think in that exact moment. All he could register was the word that came from his mouth. “Okay…”

- - - - - - - - - - 

Chris was a perfect gentleman, through and through. The dinner he took you to was delicious beyond reason and the conversations he led were the most engaging that you had ever experienced. Everything just felt so easy with him. Plus, the chemistry between the two of you was off the charts.

Small touches and lingering hands left you buzzing with need and you found yourself having a hard time keeping your hands to yourself. The only odd thing, not unwelcome, just odd, was the fact that he kept bringing up the topic of your best friend the whole night.

He wanted your opinion of him and what you thought of him. Some people might have thought it was out of jealousy, but he didn’t really give off the jealous vibe. He seemed to genuinely want to know what your relationship was like. And you loved your best friend, so you were happy enough to discuss him.

By the end of dinner, the sexual tension was suffocating and you just wanted to rip his clothes off then and there. When you hopped into the car and he started driving, you felt yourself shaking with anticipation when he rested his hand on your bare thigh where your little black dress was too short to cover.

You were super impatient to get back to your place, but as he kept driving, you realized he wasn’t heading in the direction of your apartment where he picked you up. “Hey Chris, do you know the way back to my place?” You turned to look at him to find him blushing. God, he’s cute.

He cleared his throat. “Well, I um… I was wondering if I could take you back to mine? I’m sorry it was a bit presumptuous of me, but I have a surprise for you…”

Electricity shot through you and you didn’t think twice to consider what you told Hyunjin. “Not presumptuous at all! I’m…” You blushed when he glanced at you with his stupidly sexy half-grin. “...looking forward to it.” Your eyes were glued to his face and you squeezed your thighs in arousal when he slid his hand a bit further up your thigh.

He looked over at you just as you bit your lip, your eyes hazy with lust. He bit his own lip to suppress a smile when he looked back at the road and you felt his hand slide to your inner thigh as his fingers closed in on your crotchless panties. Never touching, just teasing.

- - - - - - - - - - 

When you arrived at his and Hyunjin’s apartment, everything happened in a blur. As the front door closed behind you, you felt Chris’ hands wrap around your waist from behind and a warm press of lips close in on your neck. 

Chris was intoxicating, everything about him made you dizzy with want and you quickly spun around in his arms, throwing your arms around his neck and smashing into his lips with your own. He instantly pressed you up against the wall and you arched up into him, silently begging for more. His arms were wrapped low around your waist to pull you suffocatingly close and you kicked your black heels off when you wrapped your legs around his waist.

He responded by holding you up underneath your dress by both ass cheeks and he pressed his slowly hardening dick against you as he moved to devour your neck. He grinded into you and you threw your head back as far as the wall would allow you as you moaned his name.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous.” He growled into your neck as he kneaded your ass with his fingertips. 

All you could reply with was– “Ngh, fuck, Chris. More. I need more...” Your voice was whiny and already fucked out, but by the low groan he breathed into your neck, he was very much in a similar state.

He pulled you back from the wall and carried you down the hall to his bedroom where he eagerly plopped both of you down on the bed. You writhed underneath him, trying to pull him impossibly closer as he moved to grope your breasts over your dress. You whined and pleaded for more and he complied.

He released one of your breasts and slid his hand down between your legs. What he felt (or really the lack of what he felt) made him gasp and look down at you incredulously. The crotchless panties were definitely a good choice. “Fuck…” He pounced on you with one long, hungry kiss and then released you to crawl down between your legs. 

The moment you felt his mouth close around your clit, you saw stars. You cried out with labored breaths and it took him no time at all to push you over the edge. You curled your fingers in his dark brown locks and he guided you through your orgasm, head popping up with a breathtaking smile when you came down. “Holy shit, Chris… that was probably the fastest anyone has ever got me to cum.” You giggled and you internally cooed when he blushed at the statement.

However, that was short-lived as the sex-god side of Chris returned and he ripped off his shirt and slacks, leaving him in just his boxers as he nestled back down to sit against the headboard. “C’mere, baby girl.” He patted his lap and you quickly crawled over to straddle him. His hands instantly flew to your hips and ass where your dress rode up.

Now was the moment you had been waiting for. You decided to cut to the chase and you grabbed the hem of your dress and slowly pulled it up over your head. When the fabric that was blinding you was finally pulled from your face, Chris’ expression was almost humorous. You felt his fingers gradually tighten more and more on your ass as he assessed your undergarments.

His face looked like he was in some sort of trance of crazed hunger and when he looked back into your eyes, you saw pure carnal desire. “What do you think? I got it just for you, Chris.” You said with hooded eyelids that ate up every inch of skin he had on display.

“What do I think?” His voice must have dropped about ten octaves and he harshly pulled you to directly sit on his achingly hard cock through his boxers. “I think you're a motherfucking goddess.”

He then proceeded to capture your lips once more in an absolutely filthy kiss, tongues clashing and teeth gnawing. You started grinding on his dick and he growled into your mouth, pulling away moments after you started.

“Do you want your surprise, baby girl?” He said as he guided your grinding hips with his hands. You were so fucked out that all you could do was nod your head profusely. He then turned to look at the door you had left open behind you. “Hyunjin-ah, would you like to come in?”

You immediately stilled and whipped your head around. You felt the hands on your hips tighten. “Jinnie?!” You were shocked. How long had he been watching??? By the completely beet-red face and the huge bulge in his pants, you would say it had been more than just a few moments.

You heard a shushing from the man underneath you and you turned back to him. He looked deep into your eyes and you felt him slowly glide his thumb over your sopping clit, making you gasp and your eyelids flutter. “I asked Hyunjinnie to help bring your fantasy to life.” You instantly knew he was talking about the threesome you had hinted at one time. “And he was more than willing to help out.”

You slowly turned back to your best friend that had taken a few steps further into the room. “Is that true, Jinnie?” You were mostly worried about his own comfort. 

He nodded with a hazy stare. “It’s not exactly how I pictured it happening… but yeah…” What did he mean by that? 

You didn’t have much time to think on it, however, because you suddenly felt Chris easing a finger inside you. You gasped and whipped back around to face him, your hands flying to his broad shoulders to ground yourself. 

“Do you mind if he watches while I fuck your pretty little hole first?” Your mouth was perpetually hung open as you nodded in compliance. “Good girl, now get on all fours, gorgeous.” He pulled his finger out of you and, before you did as you were told, you grabbed Chris’ hand and took his spunk-covered finger into your mouth. Both men groaned at the sight and you weren't ashamed to admit that you were feeling pretty proud of yourself. 

Once you released his digit and you turned to do what you were commanded to, you looked straight into Hyunjin’s eyes and crawled to where he was standing at the foot of the bed. Without warning, you grabbed him by his belt loops and pulled him flush to you where you stood on your knees on the bed. You could feel his erection push into your stomach and you felt a new wave of arousal stir in your core.

“We can talk about this later, but right now, I want this…” You deftly undid the top button of his shirt. “...and these…” You moved a hand down and palmed at his hard-on, making him gasp, then popped open the button on his jeans as well. You stretched up and brought his head down so you could whisper in his ear. “...gone.”

When you released him with a wicked smile and resumed your position on all fours like you were asked, Hyunjin quickly got to work on your request.

You suddenly felt a hand gently wrap around your neck to pull you up and back flush against Chris, his now bare cock resting between the cleft of your ass cheeks. “You think you can take all of me, sweetie?” He said as he grabbed your wrist with his free hand and lead you to feel his sizable dick. You almost choked on your gasp. Now, you knew Chris had a huge cock, you both had sent each other plenty of nudes these past weeks, but to feel it in your hand, it just didn’t feel real.

You tried to turn to look at it, but his hand on your neck kept you still and you whimpered. “Now, you have some options, baby girl. Either you take all of me now without seeing it first–” To be honest, that sounded pretty hot, but you were also dying to take a peek. “...OR, you can look all you want, but I’ll get off in that sweet mouth of yours instead while Hyunjinnie does whatever he wants with your tasty little cunt.”

You couldn’t control the pornographic moan that escaped your lips from the pure filth coming from his lips. You could see Hyunjin start to form a slight grin from watching this unfold and that in itself had you shaking with want. “B-but what if I want both?”

You could feel the rumble against your back coming from the depths of Chris’ chest from the question. “A greedy little one, are we?” You then felt yourself abruptly being pushed face-first into the mattress with your ass in the air. “Then I guess we’ll just have to give you all we’ve got…” Chris growled as you heard the tear of a condom wrapper open.

“J-just–!” You looked up at Hyunjin, as best as you could from your squished position, from his rushed outburst. “Just… don’t hurt her…” He sounded a bit hesitant to say it, but he looked down into your eyes with pure concern. Your heart soared.

“Jinnie…” You held up your hand and he crouched down next to your face. You crooked your neck up to whisper directly into his ear, loud enough for Chris to hear. “I want you to hurt me…”

He pulled back incredulously and his shocked eyes bore into yours. “Holy fuck, can you be any more perfect?”

“I know, right?” Chris said with a chuckle.

Everything that happened next all happened simultaneously. You felt Chris shimmying behind you and felt his warm breath fan over your folds. You felt him lick a long, fat stripe up your opening then felt him shimmy again to get into position. You felt the tip of his cock wedge its way into your entrance and you saw Hyunjin step back and finally drop his boxers to the floor.

Your. Jaw. Dropped.

Not only from the breathtaking feeling of Chris’ dick splitting you in two, but also at the mesmerizing sight of Hwang Hyunjin stripped bare with his beautiful, leaking cock in his hand. “Like what you see, Aegiya?” All you could do was nod dumbly with a red face that was struggling to adjust to Chris’ size.

You needed a distraction from the pain. You pulled yourself up on your hands and reached out to Hyunjin. “Wanna taste…” You whined pitifully.

He cockily smirked with his tongue prodding at his lip. “Anytime, baby.” You felt fire in your veins from his words and you felt in desperate need for more stimulation.

Just as you grabbed ahold of Hyunjin’s gorgeous cock, you pushed your ass back into Chris, shoving him even deeper inside you and the three of you moaned simultaneously.

You quickly started lapping up all of the precum that coated Hyunjin’s tip and he slowly tangled his hands in your hair. “You taste so good, Jinnie.” You said with fluttered lashes, right before you took his head all the way in.

“Fuck, Aegiya. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this…” That one statement blew your mind and you instantly looked back on your entire relationship. Hyunjin wanted me?

Again, you couldn’t think on it long, because Chris suddenly decided to start pistoning fast and hard into you, shoving you down onto Hyunjin’s cock even further. You held back your gag reflex and allowed yourself to bask in the eroticism of being used by these fucking drop-dead gorgeous men.

“Goddamn, baby girl. You’re doing so *ngh* fucking good for us *huff* …taking all this cock so fucking well.” Chris growled as he nailed you over and over again in all the right places. 

“Shit, Aegi. You’re so fucking sexy with your mouth around me *hiss* fuuuck you’re so damn good at that!” Hyunjin threw his head back with a laugh and it was one of the most beautiful sights you had ever seen. “I can’t wait to taste you, baby.”

That’s what threw you over the edge, screaming as loud as you were able to with a throat full of cock. They both seemed to slow down as you rode your orgasm, but they were definitely not done with you yet.

Once you seemed to have come down from your high, Hyunjin spoke up. “Hyung…” There seemed to be some sort of silent communication going on because before you knew it, you were completely empty on both ends.

You slumped down on the mattress, your intense orgasm seemingly having taken the life out of you. Your eyes fluttered shut while you tried to regain control of your breathing and you felt someone sweetly petting your hair. “Did we wear you out for the night? Sorry, Aegiya…” Your eyes snapped open to see Hyunjin knelt down next to your head at the foot of the bed.

“N-no!” You grabbed onto his hand, pleadingly. “Not done! Need more… use me…” You were suddenly too cockdumb to form complete sentences, but what you did say made both men curse in tandem. Hyunjin smirked and quickly stood up.

The men grabbed each end of you and flipped you onto your back. Your vision was blurry with lust, but you could still clearly see that Chris had removed his condom and Hyunjin donned one now instead.

With one sharp tug, Hyunjin pulled you into position where his face hovered over your folds. You looked down at him right as he placed those plump lips against your throbbing clit in a torturous kiss. You whined at the damned tease and he smiled against your skin. 

He then went from zero to sixty in the blink of an eye.

He began to you out as if his life depended on it and his long tongue reached even further inside you than you thought was possible. Your head craned back as you belted out a silent cry of pleasure. However, Chris used your open mouth to his advantage as he positioned himself at the foot of the bed and you finally caught a glimpse of his dick coming straight toward your mouth.

And HOLY FUCK was the man packing, or what?

There was no way in hell you were going to be able to deepthroat that monster! Yet you took him in your mouth nonetheless. You knew you still had a wicked tongue when it came to giving head. “Shit, baby girl. Your mouth really is magic.” Chris groaned.

You felt pride fill your smug little bubble, but you were soon preoccupied with your next orgasm rapidly approaching from the skilled tongue of Hyunjin. You whimpered on Chris’ massive cock and he moaned from the vibrations. Your orgasm was just as powerful as the last as you released all over your best friend’s face.

You heard a long hum come from the man between your legs. “You taste so good, Aegiya.” Hyunjin said once you were finished and he kissed his way up your body, only to stop to suck each nipple at a time into his mouth. Chris had started fucking your face shallowly and he was able to get painfully deep from this position. 

As you felt Hyunjin move up to suck on your neck, you felt his cock start to prod at your entrance. You were more eager than you thought you should be to feel him inside you, but when he absolutely slammed into you, you almost choked. Hyunjin was waaay longer than Chris and he reached spots inside you that no man had ever reached before.

You whimpered on Chris’ cock and you felt him start to stutter in his rhythm. “Fuck… M’cummin…” Sure enough, after a few more pumps, you felt hot ropes of his seed hit the back of your throat. You always had this really sick pleasure of cum eating and he thankfully spared you none.

More and more kept coming, and just when you didn’t think you could fit anymore, he finally finished and pulled out. You closed your eyes and hummed in bliss, sloshing the thick fluid around in your mouth before savoring every gulp to emptiness. You had realized that Hyunjin had stopped moving and you opened your eyes, offended that he would rob you of that delicious sensation he was giving you.

Yet when you opened your eyes, you found both men staring at you with shock on their faces. “Fuck, that’s gotta be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen…” Chris said with heavy breaths as he, too, was coming down from his high.

“Nasty, baby.” Hyunjin said with a smirk as he lowered himself down to hover just above your face. He looked apprehensive for a moment, seemingly searching your eyes as he slowly rocked into you with a steady rhythm and quick glances at your panting lips.

You decided to cut to the chase and you wrapped all your limbs around him, crashing him fully down onto your body and connecting your moistened lips. 

Well shit. Why did he have to be an amazing kisser too?

His pace picked up along with the hunger in his kiss and you were suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling of having your best friend fuck you senseless.

Although Hyunjin’s dick was beating your cervix to a pulp, the pain led you to yet another climax that you didn’t even think was possible. He pulled back and brought his hand up to thumb at your lips. “Get this wet for me, pretty?” You instantly sucked his finger in and his heavy-breathing, open mouth formed the sexiest fucking smile you had seen on him yet.

He retrieved the dripping digit and brought it down to your over-sensitive clit, almost instantly pushing you over the edge. Without further ado, Hyunjin also climaxed and he came with your name on his lips. Holy shit, you just fucked your best friend…

Things were hazy after he pulled out. 

First, you felt two pairs of hands strip you out of the uncomfortable lingerie and begin to wipe you down.

Next, you were easily repositioned under the covers to rest your head on a comfy pillow with the softest sheets you had ever felt. 

After that, things got quiet. You didn’t know why… but you suddenly felt… lonely.

You felt a kiss on your forehead and that’s when you forced your eyes open. You caught his hand as the man started to retreat. “Jinnie?” He returned to you with a sad smile.

“Yes? What is it, Aegiya?” You squeezed his hand tighter.

“Stay? Please?” He looked startled and he glanced at the man that had evidently crawled under the covers with you. You turned to Chris’ confused face and looped your other arm around his strong bicep. “Both of you?” You knew this would probably be weird in normal circumstances and you would have to address your feelings in the morning, but right now you just wanted to snuggle up to both of the men you adore inside and out. And, thankfully, they seemed to agree.

The rest is tomorrow’s problem.

__________________________________________

If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading!

This one is a spicy match!! Tbh I have no clue if I would be able to choose between the two... 😳

Please like, follow, and share! Thanks baby stays! 😘

2chopsticks2eyes - Masterlist

[fallout-fucker]

Random Sole x Hancock Headcanon - Emails.

Sole figures out how to get some sort of online connection up and running again purely so they can send emails to Hancock's terminal from their Pip-Boy whenever they're apart. Love sick idiots.

Cue Hancock blushing and kicking his feet whilst reading the emails. He invents the ;) emote. Sole, in turn, makes the ^-^ and :3 emotes.

They both invent selfies. Hancock's the first to send one when he realises he can send pictures. It's a fucking process but he barters for old parts here and there and gets help from Kent. Eventually he has a working camera for his terminal. The first selfie was him stood on his couch, high af and surrounded by an assortment of baked goods (Edibles) he made. The email said 'Look what I can do ;D'.

He regularly sends pictures of what he's baking or random selfies when he's high.

Sole then made a similar upgrade to their Pip-Boy the minute they could. They send him random pictures of cats and other creatures they see in their travels. Cool views or old, historic buildings and art they think he'd enjoy. A collection of Dogmeat being cute. They sent one of Danse falling over. They send him pictures of books they'll think he like. Usually literature, history, or STEM stuff. Sole also takes pictures with their shared friends and lets them email him too from their arm for a quick update.

They also show off their new builds and inventions. Gun mods, armour, ect.

They also share a 'Spotting Deacon In The Wild' collection. They have a running joke that every new disguise they spot is a 'Deacon Variant' or new Deacon 'Synth'. They add names for each 'character' and the email will say '[Insert Character Name] Deacon Unlocked!' Like, Butcher Deacon, or Diamond City Guard Deacon, etc.

On that note, they invent memes. Usually from pictures of other companions or each other.

Like when Nick was 'sleeping' one time (Wide eyed stare Synth style) and Sole sent a picture of him, captioned 'Me after the horrors'.

Or when Preston was stood looking out at the Sanctuary River after a long night. Coffee in his hand. His hat and one shoe missing. Expressionless as he stared at the sunrise.

Hancock replied 'Me fucking too, brother'.

Sole will update him on their whereabouts regularly so he stays sane.

Hancock will tell them about how Goodneighbour is doing. From Mayoral plans to general gossip. How Daisy is doing, how the local kids are, etc.

Sometimes Hancock sends the most cryptic chain spam looking things when he is stoned.

Sole can email him whenever they're nearby and plan on visiting.

Hancock sometimes requests items if he knows they’re on their way, but only if they happen to come across it or already have whatever it is.

Will email them questions that he doesn't actually mean for them to answer. Just questions to the void, really. He just uses them as an outlet for his thoughts a lot.

Or for help on a crossword puzzle.

Sole will email him when they can't sleep just in case he's also awake. Nights feel really lonely when everyone you knew died 200 years ago.

Sometimes they ask him for knowledge. Like 'Do you know if this plant is poisonous?' or things that most Commonwealthers know for survival, but Sole is still figuring out.

They ask him for leadership advise. Especially during big decisions.

They both tell each other things they've seen/heard through the grapevine that they think the other should know. 'I heard that guy you were looking for was seen in Bunker Hill' 'Some Gens 2s were spotted patrolling Medford Hospital' 'Hi :) Sorry for the late response, I was running for my life :( Tell your traders to stay away from the East Bridge- Gunners'

[kafus]

ok i've decided i want to infodump about vee and nova a little after all! because uhh not only am i impatient because autism but i also. want to dip my toes into talking about this. just days ago i was still terrified but now i am Tentatively Brave... if i can talk about it here casually like this then i should be able to write a more formal summary later some other time

i've tagged this post appropriately (at least i think i have, feel free to suggest if i should add more) but also a heads up here too before i keep talking that while i'm not going into graphic detail on anything there are STRONG themes of organized sexual abuse of a child, sexual abuse of animals, and grooming! (there are no disturbing visuals in this post, just text)

IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS POST THAT'S OKAY I STILL LOVE U

takes a deep breath alright so the deal with these two. back all the way in 2021, i decided i wanted to make "vent ocs" as in i just wanted some concrete/consistent designs i could use in vent art drawings that weren't a direct reflection of what i envision myself to look like or whatever. i was going through a lot in 2021, in december 2020 i had just gotten my first big repressed memory back and my life was in a whirlwind of change and heavily increased PTSD and DID symptoms, so i was using art a lot as an outlet. in the end i settled on this drawing, based on the design taste i would have had as a young person (god the quality is so old now LOL i've improved a lot but anyway)

i was intending for these two to be just visual designs and nothing more than that but i got attached and actually ended up giving them a whole storyline and everything, which is something i admittedly hadn't done in a long time up to that point so that's cool.

the reason i preface explaining the premise of the storyline with this is because i think it's important to acknowledge that these two are intrinsically tied with my real life and the feelings i experience as a CSA/OA survivor. not because i think someone has to go through awful things to write or draw about them necessarily, but because i am passionate about expressing myself. it's important for me to be seen in some way, to be heard after years of silence. it is not safe for me mentally to share the exact details of my abuse online rn (and please don't ask for them!) but i also don't want these two to be removed from the message that i survived something and this is me making art about that in an abstracted and magical way with a fictional universe that brings me a lot of comfort. i hope this makes sense lol

oh and also with that in mind if you think for even a second any of this is a weird sex thing for me or some shit please stop reading this post and go do something else with your time. this is my trauma expression and i don't need to be compared to the people i was abused by when i was a literal toddler thank you!

AANYWAY so! premise! gonna be point blank with it! vee (not her original name but shh) is born as a normal 100% human girl, aka without the eevee ears and tail. she is groomed from a very young age (like, toddler age) and eventually abducted by her groomers which happen to be members of... well right now it's team rocket because i haven't spent the time to worldbuild a new villainous pokemon organization yet. roll with me here. she is taken to a remote facility out in the middle of fucking nowhere and is never returned to her previous life or family.

Why? well i'm glad you asked! the org is running a bunch of different experiments in this facility and one of them happens to be trying to enable humans reproducing with pokemon. this doubles as both a money thing and a power thing. they seek out a child as the victim of these horrible experiments because children are easily malleable. way easier to control a child than an adult who already has a firm identity/self.

vee is the child they chose. surgery is forcibly done on her to give her working eevee ears and tail, and also like, fuck with her body chemistry and stuff. she's biologically part eevee now. yes this is bullshit pokemon magic science LMAO but she is kept in this facility and chronically sexually abused for a few years by pairing her with various mons and trying to get eggs to happen.

the experiment isn't working though so they hypothesize that giving her a dedicated partner, especially of the same evolutionary line, would help, and they raise nova from birth as an eevee to take on that role. eventually the two of them are paired together. despite the acts they are forced to commit on each other and the abuse they endure, they actually become inseparable very quickly cause like. they don't have anyone else. and also they just genuinely care about each other. additionally at this point nova has evolved into an espeon and has telepathic powers, so him and vee can communicate linguistically with each other, so you know that helps

generally my current focus of this story is in the early years, when vee is 12 and younger, before they start realizing that shit is fucked up and they need to escape (up until that hypothetical point they have been successfully groomed into believing everything happening to them was not abuse/was normal). i have left out a metric fuckton of detail here just to get across the basic premise. i am constantly exploring vee's psyche, nova's psyche, it's like an in depth exploration of the mind of an abused child in horrific circumstances and god it's cathartic. i love these two so fucking much

btw i guess this art has more context now huh haha after i infodumped off the plot to my sister they looked at this art again and was like. OHHH THIS IS EVEN MORE OMINOUS AND HARD TO LOOK AT WITH CONTEXT. AND I WAS LIKE YEAH!!!! YOU SEE THE VISION!!! THE SYMBOLISM!! ETC!!!!

uh yeah if you read this far thank you and i just wanna say i've been building up the courage to talk about these two for GENUINELY two years, it has been over 2 full years since that initial drawing, and i am nervous and jittery posting this but i do not want to die without having shared my work with the world and i'm willing to take the risks to get my voice out there. so you reading it is very much appreciated ur like my first step into being more confident as a survivor lol

oh and fwiw despite these guys being so correlated with my trauma it's not offensive to make headcanons or ask me questions about them or compliment darker art of them however you want, in fact i love that shit!! please i've been holding these guys back for two years i have so much to say that hasn't been said. as much as i am nervous i am EXCITED

[heraldofcrow]

Ok, I need to say something and get it off my chest while I actually have some energy.

I know what I want to change for the new year…even though normally I don’t really care for the idea of resolutions because to me there is no guarantee that the turn of a year implies change. I just think everyone should grow at their own pace and transform when they are ready. But my current catharsis just happens to be taking place now, so I’ll make it a resolution. A resolution about creativity.

My energy as a fandom creative has been incredibly low this year, which is weird for me. I have been in quite a few fandoms over the years, but the ones I actively decided to participate in were always fun outlets for me to improve things like my writing and actually make room for my energy. I used to write absurdly long analyses and metas in other fandoms for my own enjoyment and get into in-depth discussions with people about lore, story, themes, or whatever else would come up because that’s where I thrived. I was always the essay spammer lol. I miss the energy that was fueling me then. Something happened to it, and I wonder if it’s because I changed from “writing for myself” to “writing for the fandom” at some point.

Don’t get me wrong, I always loved supportive communities that help you grow and develop in some arena of art. I need that as a person because as isolate and introverted as I can be about my interests, I do have this side that craves the thrill of sharing passion and excitement with others. I love when I create something and other people like it too…I mean, who doesn’t?

That’s a huge part of fandom and of course I am here for that support system, but I don’t want to make my goal to be about supplying content for a fandom.

Just about a year and a half ago I started messing around with drawing for the first time in my life. I had attempted to doodle and scribble as a kid, but it was stick figure stuff. I never was serious. But the urge to depict specific pictures in my head was overpowering. I had to buckle down and watch some tutorials to get anywhere, but I did get…somewhere.

I don’t draw even slightly near the level I want to yet, but I’m glad I practice and learn new little tricks every so often. I just need to break down walls, especially the walls I have been hitting recently. These walls stop me from getting better. They kill my interest in writing. I have trouble responding to people and their conversations with me in fandom…when people express interest in my opinions, I shut down and hide. I don’t put the effort I used to into analysis or research. I am stuck and it is smothering my creativity.

My drawing and writing won’t improve until I stop being scared about challenging myself or being willing to branch out.

That’s my resolution. I need to stop doing stuff for a fandom. I need to smack myself upside the head and genuinely draw whatever the fuck I want and not to create content like a YouTuber. The reason I used to write metas or get into long lore convos with people so confidently is because I was passionate about it and not because I was trying to put something on a platform.

It’s not necessarily that I have been doing this YouTuber thing all year, but I know for certain that the stupid fandom idea of “having a role” or “being The Guy for a certain character” has craftily snuck itself into my head. I adore Bloodborne, I love my Bloody Crow, but I also fucking love Dark Souls, I love Demon’s Souls, I love Elden Ring, I love LOTR, I love Arcane, I love FF7, I love dozens of other films, books, shows, stories…

…I love so much and I want to draw stuff for all of it, I want to write for all of it, I want to express my thoughts on it. I am a subtle participant in plenty of fandoms if they aren’t too toxic, but I have restricted myself to Bloodborne because I felt “safe” about “creating content” here. I also felt a necessity at times.

But truthfully? I am going to suffocate if I force myself to restrict my creativity to one fandom forever. No, I don’t intend to leave it, because I do love it here and I want to still enjoy the community. I also still want this blog to be Soulsborne oriented while my sideblogs are for other fandoms, but that’s just for the sake of my own interest in organization, not because I have to. That’s because I fucking love Soulsborne and its fandom and I want to stay here to share and create. Not because I have to.

I have been hanging around the Soulsborne community for over ten years now…it’s just an infinite vat of creativity and inspiration. I want to contribute because it’s fun. I need to stop limiting myself to the ONE game though. It’s killing the ability to improve my drawing because I don’t truly always want to draw everything from this game. Sometimes I just want to draw knights from Dark Souls.

Sometimes I want to practice drawing armor and not Bloodborne style get-ups. I just want room and space to explore. There is plenty of variety in Bloodborne yes, but it has to be variety I am passionate about or I will half-ass it. I need that option.

It’s the same with writing. My writer’s block has been horrible this year because once I actually started sharing my fan-fiction for the first time, I felt that pressure of having readers and I wanted to make sure everything I put out was perfect. This kills my motivation. It’s utterly deadly. I actually am fine with my writing normally and am very comfortable with improving it through practice, but whenever I succumbed to the likely nonexistent external pressure, I suddenly couldn’t finish editing to save my life.

I need to be free of this and be able to enjoy my fandoms. I need them. 2023 was one of the hardest years of my life. I was so miserable so often, and it’s during those times when I really want a safe space to run and create. It helps me “regenerate.” But if I’m polluting my own safe space with pressure and worry, then what do I have left?

And so yeah, that’s my goal for this next year and the years to come. I want my old energy and passion back, to use this little online outlet to grow and learn more about drawing, writing, and whatever else catches my fancy. I won’t pressure myself about this either, but I hope it comes naturally if I take it slow and try to unlock my brain from the narrow way of thinking.

No more playing into a role. I just need to be free and enjoy myself.

[fashion-runways]

Do you ever post things that you think are tacky, or do you try to only publish pieces and work that you admire? Like are you publishing just fashion that you like or trying to stay up to date on the fashion world, regardless of your feelings and taste? Thanks for running this even while you're going through a hard time right now 💜

kind of but not in a bad way? like there are a lot of collections that are tacky but fun or interesting, so ugly that it becomes interesting and weird and pretty. so, you know, yes but also not really. i post stuff that i like and stuff that i think my followers will like, i try to post variety so it's not all the same pretty princess dresses stuff and everyone can see something new or interesting or use stuff for their different characters not just the hyperfem red carpet gala looking ones, since i know a lot of people use this blog for art or writing references, but i'll never post something that i genuinely don't like or don't find cool. like if there's an ugly collection or a boring ass collection i'm not going to post it, even if i think some people might like it. i mean idk maybe im too full of myself because i genuinely think that if i think something is ugly or boring then everyone following me will too lmaoo but you know! there's a lot of stuff i post that i think looks cool and people really do not give a fuck, so there's that too.

i stay up to date, yes! i actually have a doc with all the links of every collection i want to post and i keep adding on as fashion week keeps happening, i check on a few sites and on instagram every day, i watch the shows on livestream if the designers do livestreams even, i just really love fashion lmao this blog is an outlet for that and a way for me to share what i love with people, hopefully show them fashion is more than just one thing and one style and one body shape and one popular designer and so on. idk, i have a billion things i want to post from the recent fashion weeks but my mouse kinda works like shit and i can't afford buying a new one right now, i have other things i have to pay, and i can use the pad in my laptop but it makes my hand hurt so i'm putting off making all the edits i want to make lmao i probably should soon, but i have enough things drafted still that i'm procrastinating that process. i'll give myself carpal tunnel eventually, i guess lmaooo

thanks for this question!! and for loving the blog!

[fellshish]

Weird question, maybe?

What do you think you would recommend when you feel depression (and you're under treatment and all that), to love drawing art and writing again? I mean, there are some videos that inspire you or stuff like that? I have read your fic and recs and would love to be back into writing and all that 💕

Thank you for trusting me with such a vulnerable question. I applaud your choice to be in therapy, and i’m going to assume you’ve asked your therapist for helpful steps in this, too? If not, that could be a good idea since they know your personal circumstances.

I’m not a therapist. Please keep that in mind. But i too have struggled with long absences from creating, so i can give you some insights in how i came back from that.

An important thing is practicing kindness to myself. Of course, that’s far from easy. But if i don’t create? I forgive myself. If i was going to write and i didn’t? Well it’s a hobby, not a job, and i should only do it if it’s (mostly) fun. No matter how many days i haven’t written — it’s ok. That’s what i repeat to myself: it’s ok, and you will write when you want to.

Your mind might be too clouded with depression right now to create. That’s ok — it needs all the energy for healing from that. You’re doing that, and that’s already amazing.

Here’s what i also give myself permission for: to do things badly. To suck ass. To write horribly. As long as i’m having fun, who cares. If i wish to share my writing in the future i can always edit it. Whip it into shape. But at first, in the process? I am writing for me, and it’s allowed to be terrible. Again, i am not being paid, this is my creative outlet, i am doing this for fun.

You ask what inspires me. I’ve thought about it and, well, a lot does. I mostly get ideas (or solutions for ideas that are stuck) when i am doing other things, like doing dishes, or going on walks, or cleaning, or showering. That’s when suddenly something locks into place in my brain that’s been turning around without me even knowing.

And what inspires me to create (again), is other art. Reading books or graphic novels. Reading a funny or heartbreaking fic. Admiring fanart. But also going to a museum, a local drag show, a concert, … watching other artists extract joy from doing what they do. I get inspired by films, often too about artists, like dead poets society. Or i’ve started writing poetry again after reading a destiel au about a poet trying to find inspiration again after a long absence and struggling with self confidence. Fandom specific: rewatching the thing you want to create for, helps.

Reading about writing and listening to podcasts about writing, especially where writers talk about their insecurities, has also been helpful. Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott i found interesting. How to fail often has writer guests and is specifically about how failings and imposter syndrome have been part of even the most successful people’s careers. The writer files and The writers panel are interesting podcasts on writing as well.

I think my advice to you would be, take small steps. Forgive yourself every time along the way. Make a list of things that you love reading about and think of a way to put that in a blender for a story that will excite you. Allow yourself to write a bad first draft. To draw something imperfect. Fuck all the rules.

And start with short periods of creating. It’s a marathon not a sprint. Art is you, so you, it’s your self expression and though it might change over the years, it’s always yours. You can’t lose it. It’s still in there.

I hope this helped. Best of luck.

[hollownoire]

Current W.I.P's and Future Plans! Exciting Shit!

A lot of ya'll may have noticed I've been kind of quiet or otherwise preoccupied lately, and that's because there's a ton of really exciting stuff I'm currently working on! :3

There's a lot I wanna share, so for those of you who are interested this post is gonna go over all of the stuff I've been doing lately, a glimpse at what things might look like for me down the line.

TL:DR : Taking art more seriously, tons of art studies and practice, just finished moving, drawing projects and W.I.P's, working on making a YouTube channel and picking up filmmaking?!?!?!?!

So, a bit ago I set off to do this 30 day "learn to draw" practice/routine/program thing by Marc Brunet on YouTube.

I picked it up because I've felt like I lacked a lot of knowledge regarding space and perspective that you'd typically learn practicing the fundamentals of art. I understood that I needed to make things look three dimensional, and had the smallest grasp on how to do that, but the core understanding and experience was something I lacked.

For anyone trying to learn how to draw, I highly recommend checking out this video and giving it a go! I'm not going to go over every single day's exercise I did, partly because I didn't actually finish the whole program... (There's so much to do lately hnngn)

But, I made this thing! Tada!

I'm also delving into making my first drawing timelapses in clip studio with these next couple of projects I'm currently working on...

One of them being a commission for a friend's DnD character, a sort of gambler themed vigilante called "Vermillion" that was made for my DnD setting, Benediction. Here's the progress I have so far on our resident card-thrower:

...Neat, right? This drawing was one of the most recent ones where I'm really trying to challenge myself with perspective, foreshortening, and composition work. I've fallen in love with painting and you'll most likely see it as a permanent addition to my art style.

A lot of that is thanks to Bluebiscuits, who's art style has been a massive inspiration to mine for a very long time. Their art guides have been invaluable to my creative growth, and they deserve all of the support they could possibly get.

They have a patreon, so maybe check that out if you're interested in their work. :>

The other big project I'm working on is actually design work for a very important character I'm making. This is tied into the potentiality of YouTube and all that would entail, so bare with me for this next part.

It's a kind of...mascot, of sorts. An evolution of my avatar(s) that I've been fucking with on and off for years at this point. It's kind of important to get that nailed down, because...well, it's the first thing people are gonna see when they check out my stuff, so, I needed to make a "face" for my art.

Especially if I want to do YouTube. Which...I do! I've wanted to have a creative outlet like that for a while. I have tons of things to say and share, and a lot of it would probably be best off in video format.

Plus, then I get to have an excuse to design an eldritch girl-thing to be on screen and talk for me. Yeah, the second project is a RantSona. I mean...it's more than just a rantsona, but this design has been workshopped to be used for that...while also doing other important things! Like being a hot eldritch horror-lady generally. A suitable vessel for my creative endeavors >:3

Meet "Hollow", or, I guess the early blueprints of Hollow. Hollow-to-be if you will:

Presto! What will most likely end up being my..."Mascot"? My avatar...thing. Me. Me but way cooler.

On the side there you can see some early attempts at making a good "talking mouth", all of which....didn't...look great. Mouths are hard it turns out! Even harder when you're making a puppet for entertainment purposes.

One day, one day there will be a marketable Hollow plush. One day.

I still have tons of work to do, I mean, look at this shit:

I have a lot to do. That drawing up there is the result of like...over a couple of weeks of design-work, reference gathering, and notetaking.

Which you cant get a little looksie at down here:

This was the early framework for giving myself direction. Haven't really ever done something like this for an art project, so it's been really damn cool seeing where it's led me. I'm definitely going to be using this kind of "set up" going forward for my creative endeavors.

In a way it feels like all of my progress so far was put to the test. I buckled the fuck up and really started trying to chisel at something...big. I made myself a work schedule, a posting schedule, and am (trying) to wake up at 9:00 every day to squeeze in as much time as possible.

I'm getting side-tracked, but, yeah! Framework! Moodboards! Milanote:

Milanote is actually fucking GOATED, I'd be absolutely crippled trying to make this project work without it's help. Those two little design sheets I made by hand in clip studio took honest to god days to make, when I could have used Milanote to just make a mood board...reference....thing...instead.

I ended up doing that regardless, cause I needed to make a vibe board to refer to during the building of Hollow's outfit/body design, which is also the stage I'm currently on in the whole process.

Literally all of it is just drag-and-drop. I didn't even need to download all of these images, cause Milanote just lets you drag an image off of a website and shove it in that bitch all easy-like. It's incredible.

You can add text, links, images, yadda yadda yadda, this sounds like a sponsorship but I am in fact just sharing the gospel of this unit of a website. It's good, it might help you, check it out? Do whatever you want.

Anyway, after making a good enough pool of references I started working on Hollow's body/outfit. I'm extra, so I wanted something eye-catching that won't...hopefully...be too distracting in a video. I mean...well, if its distracting in a bad way. I do like having eyes on me, after all. ;]

I've been rambling, so I'm going to try to be more concise from this point onward.

In order to really nail the character design I need to communicate the important bits effectively. That means a strong silhouette, shape language, design, and conveying the character properly. I mean, I'm trying to make an eldritch horror girl, here, if you can't tell that on first glance I did something wrong.

In summary, I gave myself six dummies to practice on. Using my candy pile on milanote I pick and choose various elements from designs I like and incorporate them into my own while keeping in mind the important elements I listed in my outline from earlier.

Ideally, by the time the sixth is finished, I'll have a good idea of what I like and don't like about each one, and can compile all of that into a "Pre-final draft" where I put it alllll together :3

The main thing is I'm trying to make her clothing look like it's a part of her. Kind of organic. Able to be changed at her will, her skin, basically. So there's lots of carapaces and warframe-like skin material there.

I'm very pleased with how it's going so far. Even just the second iteration looks fuckin' fantastic imo. Very Arrancar/Vasto Lorde (From Bleach). Good shit.

That's basically it. I probably skimmed over a lot of stuff, but at this point the caffeine and vyvanse is wearing off, and I'm crashinnnggg.

Before I go, the film I'm making. Yeah, so I needed practice learning a video editing software, especially if I was going to fuck around with a rantsona, so I've been editing a ton of Lethal Company footage I've saved over...quite a long damn time.

I wanted to do something a little bit more on-theme with me, my aesthetic, and the shit I want to do in the future, rather than just mash a bunch of "hehe funnies" together and call it a day. There will still be some of that, it is lethal company after all, but I wanted to be a little bit more dramatic than that...

The result is a meta-ey surreal analog horror style experience with some elements of an ARG. The primary premise is an artist's descent into madness, the game being "haunted", the power of belief, and artistic depictions of very real struggles I and many others have. Depression, isolation, loneliness, feelings of disconnection, and other things of that nature.

I find the contrast very fascinating. I've even reached out to several...oh god what's the word...? Music artist. Not musician. People who make digital music, like game OST's. Those.

I reached out to some people including a close friend of mine and "CAMA", one of the folks who contributed to making the sound overhaul mod "Lethal Resonance" for lethal company, for permission to use music, or in my friend's case make original music for the film. (My sentence structure is falling apart, I'm so sorry I'm almost done).

Cama has a soundcloud, check it out and give them some support, their music makes my ears happy.

Okay. That's it. I don't currently have a set title for this short film yet, but I do have a placeholder (That may just end up being the actual title. I don't fucking know dude, dinner is still cooking.) that I'll leave you with,

"I am not me."

If anybody actually read all of that, congrats! You're now one of my favorite people. Take care of yourself <3

[bat-at-the-disco]

Random Star Wars Headcannons I have because I have sw brain rot and no other outlet

Grogu has a whole room in Boba’s palace (well it’s his and Din’s room, but all Din has in there is an armor stand and a mat on the floor with a neck pillow). The rest of the room is filled with toys, many of which are frog themed.

Boba gave Grogu a modified light-saber when he found out Skywalker blackmailed the green bean out of jedi training. It’s one of the ones Boba got off a Jedi bounty, but the kid does not need to know that.

Some of the Tusken raider villages that is sort of extended family with the one that took in Boba found out he was daimyo and gifted him some mastiffs and he absolutely uses them for sand dog-sledding. Grogu likes to ride them like banthas and will even race Boba.

Din teaches Boba Tusken and Boba teaches Din how to use a gaffi stick

Peli gives Boba and Din her eternal loyalty because knowing them has gotten her loads of business from the locals. She absolutely brags about it and you KNOW she exaggerates their friendship— “Who, the daimyo? He’s basically my brother. Family gatherings are wild!”

Darth Vader had a grand total of three coworkers names memorized in his time as Commander of the Imperial Navy— Tarkin, Thawn, and the Emperor. Why would he need to know anyone else’s when he kills so many on the daily? He just reads their mind if he needs to say something to them or just calls them by their status like “Admiral” or “Lieutenant” and whatnot. He ain’t got no time. And if he DOES call anyone by the wrong name, you better believe no one is gonna correct him.

Han Solo equally loves and hates what being married to a politician has done to his fame/career. On the one hand, people are even more afraid of getting on his bad side than before. On the other hand, he can’t do much more than shoplift without getting dragged back home by the ear from Leia.

Cara uses her rare Friend Immunity to share gossip between the Fett and Organa households.

Fennec likes to read and she can clear like three books in a day, easy.

Grogu has diplomatic immunity for being the daimyo’s nephew and the Manda’lor’s son and being pretty much one of the one surviving members of the original Jedi Order.

There are so many stories about Din throughout the galaxy and he has ZERO idea. People will just know him and he’ll just be like “Huh. We’re you a bounty I took down? Yeah that’s probably it.”

Grogu has an art phase that consists of him burning pictures of flowers and frogs and things into the castle walls with his little lightsaber.

Boba collects exotic space animals like a rich guy collects sports cars. The dude has a whole ass petting zoo living in his palace by month two of being daimyo.

Din is a morning person but will absolutely sleep till 2 in the afternoon if you let him.

Ben Solo says Auntie Ahsoka>Uncle Luke any day.

Boba decides that the rancor’s name is Chewie just to spite Han.

Luke and Leia are seldom invited to Naboo Royalty family cookouts because whenever they show up shit happens.

After Luke expelled little green bean, Din either tracks down a force-sensitive mandalorian to teach Grogu or just fucking wings it himself by researching Jedi for like an hour or two then info-dumping to Grogu. “Ok bud you gotta sit still for a while like you did on that weird jedi rock and uhh put your mind in the plants and dirt and stuff and be one with it or something.” “Bah!” “Yes, then we can get second dinner.” Din probably found some old Jedi texts before Luke could get his hands on them. DIY jedi school.

Din and Grogu lightsaber training together!!! Grogu is a lot better at it, needless to say.

[wehavekookies]

How did you first get into art? And how did you learn? Im beginning to learn drawing now and am excited/scared for the process

Oh hell yeah, there is a lot to be excited for! The ability to create an image out of what You carry in Your head is a super cool thing, so I hope You enjoy it <3 I don't think there is really anything to be scared of tbh, except that it takes time to get places, but what doesn't.

For me it was a three part journey. Part one was a classic "I've been drawing since i remember and then i went to art school" which in my case ended in me really disliking drawing to the point i convinced my teachers i should focus on photography actually, so i was doing that for a couple of years instead. Which from the perspective of time was quite useful, because I'm using tons from what i learned in photography field now and I appreciate all that, but back then i was was like: drawing sucks lol.

Part two was me having a massive depression episode in my 20s that put me out of the game for several years, but I needed some outlet to communicate and express myself, and drawing seemed perfect for it since it involved only me and a piece of paper, so I got back to it and was drawing maniacally for like two years until i got to the point I thought that maybe i can use it for something and went to take exams to Art Academy. And got rejected. I got pissed at drawing again, and instead went to filmschool, focusing on stop motion animation because fuck drawing but i still want to express myself somehow and i'm done with photography so lets try some different medium. I benefited TONS from this decision, and I was still drawing some because storyboarding and designing, but it wasn't my main focus and i stopped thinking about it as of "my main thing".

Part three is me getting into fandom and roleplaying spaces in the internet. It's 2011 and I'm almost 30 in this story already, so I did took my time lol, but I just discovered that people are doing KICKASS illustrations for media they enjoy and characters they imagined and that this is like, A Whole Thing. I started doing this and it turned out to be a really good place for sharing stuff, meeting people, talking about things i enjoyed etc etc, so i kept doing it making it my new little hobby this time, not a project i need to succeed in in any way and that seemed to work. And then it's June 2016 (I remember over which artwork it happened, hence the precise date) and I feel that i may be actually loving this, but omg it pisses me off i need so much time for each artwork and it still doesn't look like i want it to look, so you know what, let's actually try to make some conscious decisions about developing this skill, but on my own this time. I started to learn by watching other artists and trying out their methods and things they recommend, picking what i liked and dropping what didn’t work for me. And this is the part of the journey I'm still in now, but it's quite pleasant.

Sorry for the wall of text reply, but as You can see I was circling art and drawing for quite a bit to finally bite on it proper so it’s a layered answer haha. And also I read Your ask while i was chilling over my morning coffee so i fell into A Mood and it got long XD

Cheers and have a good day! <3

[loliwrites]

hi loli! 

to say the vibes have been off lately would be an understatement, wouldn’t it? because there has been a lot of negativity, too much for a place that is supposed to be about finding an outlet for your creativity and people to share your interests.

i know it has been difficult, draining to be around here and face all the discourse cankering the fandom. 

because of all this negativity, i believe it is important to try and balance it out with some kindness. so here i am, doing a little check-up on you <3

so first, how are you, really?

everything you feel regarding what is happening is valid and you deserve to feel happy and safe around here. so please, make sure you take the time you need from posting, from sharing fics, even just from being on the platform. i want you to know it’s okay and i support whatever you decide, for whatever reason.

i also want you to know that you have your place here, as much as the rest of us. you’re loved and wanted and i can assure you the fandom is a far better place with you in it.

i hope you’re taking care of yourself outside of tumblr as well. please remember to stay hydrated and to eat something 🫶🏼

now i would like you to sit back and enjoy the perfect, quiet night in with joel <3

do not hesitate to reach out if you need to talk, i’m here for you! sending you all my love and so many hugs 🫂

anna 💗

oh my sweet hunni bun ❤️ thanks for sending this -- that moodboard is such a BIG vibe rn. much love and appreciation to you, and please know the same extends to you from me. the inbox & dms are always open for ya.

this lil corner of the internet is going through it lately. to be honest, i feel a little on the outskirts of the chaos (which isn't always a bad thing) but i see a lot of talented friends reaching the end of their wicks, and i get it. art is hard. art for art's sake is hard. and while not everyone is an artist, everyone is a fucking critic (marcel duchamp).

maybe if real life wasn't such a fucking disaster right now, i'd be a little more "in" on all the goings on here 😅

here's what i'll say -- you (general "you") have a right to protect your peace. and you should do so wholeheartedly and relentlessly. i hope you're protecting your peace, hunni bun. and to all the other hunni buns out there who may stumble upon this--

Protect. Your. Peace.

[soodoonimin]

Pfp by: retronimya on Twitter!! 🥺 she drew it as fan art of my current Johnshi fic!!!

I’ve been on Tumblr longer than anyone should be proud to admit. This is unfortunately my “second” blog bc my other one got lost when I bought a new phone and had to change my number (this happened like six years ago) and I've never been able to access it since but maybe that's for the best. I was never really in the fandom space growing up because my best friend at the time showed me what Tumblr was BUT not how to use it. Thankfully I figured it out xD

I like sharing my music tastes with people so here are some playlists I made (more will probably be added):

My Eddie and Venom Chaotic Love playlist on Spotify

Symas playlist

Johnshi

All my works are here on Ao3:

Seires:

You and me won’t be alone no more

Eddie/ Venom Soulmate fics (no continuity) , some smut, lots of fluff and of course a big ol heap of ANGST

If I ever were to lose you, I’d surly lose myself

What would happen if Venom and Eddie were in the MUC after the Thanos snap? These fics seek to answer this question and satisfy my need for heartbreak.

Don’t mention it…

An RvB series I wrote basically starting from Season 1 and working to about Season 13. Multiple POVs and most of it is in 2nd person POV. TBH I love this series even though it’s messy as fuck.

Current work:

Silk between my fingers (on hiatus until I recover from my top surgery)

As mentioned my dumb brother got me into Mortal Kombat, despite my best efforts. So I’m writing a fic about one of the ships like. Tomas Vrbada/Syzoth.

They’re both dealing with loss of a family but in different ways and maybe, just maybe they’re letting their baggage get in the way of their feeling for eachother.

Stubborn hearted, blue (on hiatus until I recover from my top surgery)

Johnshi soulmate fic. As the title suggests, one of them (Kenshi) is a bit stubborn about it but at the end of the day, can you blame him?

I have Johnshi brain rot and this is my outlet for it! If you read I hope you enjoy reading it as much I’ve enjoyed writing it! ♥️

My most popular fics:

Your home is our home

MCU universe, No way Home, Fix it, fluff, and angst.

Tasted Oblivion before you knew your name

Cute short soulmate AU (idk if I also mentioned how much I love soulmate AUs), little bit of angst but also not? Title comes from the poem book Field Guide to the Haunted Forest by Jarod K. Anderson.

We only sleep at night

Cute little baby AU (sorta) about if Sleeper was born to Sony Venom and Eddie. I took a bit of inspiration from the original comic!

[icedmetaltea]

The my little pony fandom is crazy(in a good way). I remember watching cupcakes, rainbow factory, smile hd, and all those other spooky/gory videos on them back in the day. Thankfully I was to young and dumb to even understand what was happening in the videos

But now they’re doing this infection trend??? Honestly some of these guys have a future in horror movies lmao. I know that this ask is a little random since you’ve like…never mentioned mlp but I just had to say this to someone :P It’s truly so whacky what people can do together as a community sometimes

-🧁

Ohhhhh yea I LOVED the rainbow factory music vid, I had it saved on my old mp3 player and honestly?? Still kinda love it, it was kinda when I was first starting to get into industrial/electronic-esque music. The drop where the metal started to pound down??? Absolutely badass

IN THE RAINBOW FACTORY, WHERE FEARS AND HORRORS COME TRUE, IN THE RAINBOW FACTORY, WHERE NOT A SINGLE SOUL GETS THROUGHHH

But yea aside from that I don't really know much about the goings on in the MLP fandom! I think it's kinda funny how super wholesome fandoms tend to attract horror lovers who enjoy making rlly scary/violent/gory art and then horror fandoms like fnaf tend to attract super wholesome fluff lovers lol. Sometimes when I see all the countless fluff art for fnaf I forget it's literally a game about children being murdered 😭 Don't get me wrong I love my fucked-up-killer-robos-going-insane-and-stabby-stabby BUT I mean the fandom at large

Overall I kinda love it either way. I love when ppl express themselves through fiction, being super fucked up violent stuff or the most toothrotting fluff imaginable~ I imagine it can be really cathartic for a lotta people. I remember going through a creepypasta phase as a teen and it was idk an outlet in a way?? By embracing things that scared me I suppose I felt a sense of control over my fears if that made sense?? Cause ya boi had and still has mega anxiety so allowing myself to feel scared in a safe environment feels good. Plus it was just fun

AS LONG as it's tagged properly and not shared on platforms where it's easily accessible to kids!! but yea other than that godspeed

[apoptoses]

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

(for the fic writer asks)

Oh man. So the short and sweet answer is that I loved Armand a whole lot and wanted to talk to people about him, and I figured the easiest way to make friends and connect with people was to create the content I want to see in the world and hope that people will see me and talk back. And they did!

The longer and more personal answer-

So I think most people start creative endeavors like writing or making art as a way to process something, whether that's a feeling about a character or an experience they've had in the past.

And for me- jesus, I've had a lot of experiences. Not just in the form of traumatic stuff, but just because I have a personal policy of not saying no to any invite I think would result in an interesting story. So do I want to go to a weird ass private Crazy Hat Party hosted by Alan Cumming? Yes. Do I want to get on a rescue horse and see if he tolerates me or bucks me off? Yes. Do I want to take an irl Succession character's credit card and go on an expenses paid wild goose trip looking for dry ice? Yes. Do I want to let a mid-tier rock star move in with me? Yes. Do I want to do two weeks of medieval camping? Yes.

(and don't get it wrong, I'm not wealthy or privileged in any way. I'm just shameless about saying 'sure, I can't afford the ticket myself, but if you know someone with a spare I'll take it' and seeing what happens)

And you blend that with my childhood, with fucked up relationships, with stuff like living through the Fukushima Earthquake in 2011- my therapist is like, even if some of these experiences are positive, you have no way to synthesize and process this stuff and no way to relate to other people now. You've done too much in too little time lol

So when I look at characters like Armand, and Lestat, and Daniel (especially Daniel, because he experienced SO MUCH in a compressed amount of time that really matches my own life) I see characters who have lived too much, done too much, and struggle with the weight of those experiences. And by writing about them I get to work through the question of 'how does someone with that much experience connect to others? and can they?'.

And also I just really enjoy pushing limits with filth haha I've shed a lot of shame and fear via the vehicle of fic and that's really fun and makes me happy.

So there's a lot of reasons! I think writing is fun and freeing and a nice creative outlet because all you need is your brain, a word document, and the guts to share your results.

[padfootastic]

Hope you don’t mind me sharing this with you. 💛

So, I have this headcanon that James is really good at drawing/painting. Like I see him as being really creative in a lot of ways. But this particular creative outlet stared out as a little kid having fun with art like most of us do. BUT it developed into this passion and something he really wanted to be good at after meeting Sirius because he wanted to draw things to make him smile. Like this really took hold after he found out just how shitty Sirius’ family is. So over summer breaks James would just bombard him with drawings of anything and everything he could think of to cheer him up. (Comic strips, pranks unfolding, some crazy surreal image, you name it he drew it). Some move some don’t. Which eventually evolved into James drawing primarily the two of them together being their chaotic selves doing god knows what, but there is also some incredibly sweet, tender, and intimate ones that Sirius will never allow another person to see because they are HIS and he like sleeping with them under his pillow or something and stares at them whenever stuff at home get too hard before running away. 🥺😫💙

: o never!!! inbox is always, always open especially for such precious headcanons 🥺🥺

ok but !!! that’s so good!! i love it. i know people talk about musician/singer james but artist is a new one for me and it’s so lovely. i can see it too. he’d totally be the type of kid to leave handprints and scribbles and doodles all over potter manor and you just *know* effie and flea always encouraged it so he brought the habit with him to hogwarts; it’s not surprising to walk into their dorm and see the walls filled with all kinds of things.

i also like him channelling his energy and hyperactivity into art; using it as a way to process Big Feelings and when he’s feeling helpless/powerless which clinches very neatly with Sirius’ situation. james can’t do anything about it, not really, so he uses this medium to try and cope & make sirius feel better at the same time.

i’m also now imagining boudoir art (that’s a thing right? if it isnt, it should be) where he draws sirius in those super intimate moments u talked about and omg ok listen. i have a Thought.

so sirius isn’t vain right? like, he knows he’s beautiful but that’s about it. no more than that. he doesn’t even think he’s All That bc of a pretty solid complex instilled in him by his family where nothing is ever good enough right? but then. then he sees james drawing him like this, the way j sees him and he’s basically just gob-fucking-smacked bc it’s literally like an angel or something and ‘that can’t be me right? no way?’ and james is just like ‘of course it is si who else?’ and he just has to mentally recalibrate bc he suddenly has way too many feels and ‘oh my god what do i do now is that really how he sees me’ and just. yeah. james breaking down his barriers one by one lol.

or or or someone takes a look through an oblivious pining james’ sketchbook (who thinks he’s just innocently drawing his surroundings p; and it’s just filled with sirius, yeah? and they’re like ‘huh. u got something to tell us, mate?’ and he’s just like, owlishly blinking, clearly confused. ‘…no?’ and the other person just gets more and more suspicious like uh yeah sure u don’t and james is just getting flustered when they point out what’s going on and yeah. sure be nice if this is how he founds out he’s in love with his best friend lol

sirius being possessive of james’ art is also so precious 🥺🥺 like someone tries to take a peek and he just snatches it away with an unimpressed look like ‘mine 😤’ it’s so hilarious

[scatterpatter]

Mnnngh art vent under the cut

I really miss when art was easy for me. It used to come so, so easy, even though I'd say my art wasn't as good as it is now. Like I'd def say I've improved, but its so much harder to get art out now than it used to be

I look back at the art I used to make and I seriously lament how easy it was. Even if it was just doodles, I could get so many out, I remember back in like 2019 i could often get at least one doodle out a day and it felt great. It was my outlet, my way I connected with others, the way I shared ideas and made stories, and now I feel that outlet has been practically severed and it really, really hurts

Artfight def hurts the worst. I was so excited for this year, so ready to reconnect with a lot of my friends and bond over silly AF attacks, and it was genuine! I didnt have any big plans this month other than just doing my job so I was so happy to do this. July last year was awful, I was in a horrifically abusive situation and that abuse reached its peak last July, I was in a bad bad place. But I've completely cut that abuser from my life and I'm in a much better space, so I really thought this July would be me turning things around

But as soon as I got a lot of attacks, I just- fucking shut down. I kept thinking on how much "make up revenges" I'd have to do and it got to the point where I'd get overwhelmed every time I picked up my tablet. What became "Hehe can't wait to make art for my friends!" Quickly spiralled into "Oh god I need to do so many revenges I cant keep up", and it just made me catatonic and I hate that. And the worst is that I know no one's exepcting me of anything, I dont have to revenge everyone, its all for fun- I know its just this expectation im putting on myself and im the only one disappointed in myself but I just cant stop how catatonic its left me and its really tough to deal with because ive only done 1 attack so far. Ive spent the entirety of July going "shit i need to work on attacks. Its ok ill do it later." And now its July 31 and ive only done one. I set a goal of doing at least ten. I thought ten wouldve been manageable, but I just cant do what I used to do and it really really hurts

And I keep being told that Im having a hard month. That works been stressful and working 40hr a week leaves me with significantly less free time than I had back in college, so of course i have less time/energy for art, but it still hurts because I dont. Feel like work has been that bad. Yeah its been bad but ive dealt with horrific stress before and ive handled it fine. I feel like if I go "its been a rough month" ill be saying that every month. And i dont want that. Im really healing and im getting in better places, I feel like still struggling this much doesnt feel "right". Hell my therapist just told me that i might be in remission or partial remission for my major depressive disorder. Like I have a professional telling me im getting better but I still struggle to do something that came so easily and it hurts really really badly.

Im gonna see what i can do for last minute attacks. Might not be great attacks, but i want to see if i can get something, anything out. It just hurts because i had so many ideas for my friends and I dont know what Ill be able to do for them and I feel horrible. I feel severed from them and from my main outlet of connecting with others.

And i know its just a sign of burnout or art block or mental illness or what the fuck ever. But I feel like ive been making too much progress in myental health to be struggling this hard. I love making art and i love artfight and sharing art with my friends but as soon as I try, I go completely catatonic and its really really hard because i used to be able to do this so easily and i want it to be easy again but I dont know what im doing wrong to still be struggling this hard

Idk bottom text