#i love to use this blog as a very public diary

[gardenofnoah]

the lamp light is warm across the cut of kento’s jaw. you feel it as you watch it clench—somewhere deep in your gut, the gesture makes a home that is as wholly familiar as the creak in the second step up the stairs. his hard angles are like that—you could close your eyes and know the contours of his face from memory, just as you do your own. brow furrowed in focus, he’s so beautiful that it’s almost unsettling. time has not changed him.

not like it’s changed you.

“hello, my love.”

you raise your eyes to meet his, now looking up at you. there’s a soft smile on his face—it’s not teasing, like it would’ve been 5 years ago if he’d caught you staring. likewise, you don’t have it in you to feel sheepish at being caught. not anymore.

you return the greeting, but you know that it’s not as enthusiastic as you want it to be. kento seems to know it, too. he slides the stack of papers in front of him to the side of his desk, leaving the spot in front of him empty. when he looks up at you again it’s an invitation, and it’s one that no matter how shitty you feel, you could never pass up.

you cross the room without an unnecessary step, and he leans back in his chair for you to slot yourself between him and the desk. you take your seat on the wood and he leans forward, reaching for you as he always does when you’re close enough to be just too far from him. his fingers brush down the back of your calves until they wrap around your ankles, gently pulling your feet onto his lap. you let out a little sigh when his thumbs press into the soles.

“something on your mind?”

you meet his gaze again, and it’s both fond and a little worried. he’s as perceptive as he always was—you suppose he’s had to be, though the reasons that necessitated that are few and far between now. the toe dip into retirement has turned into more of a knee-deep wade, and now he mostly uses his observational prowess on you.

you sit back on your hands, sighing a little. 5 years ago, you would’ve vehemently denied that anything was wrong, if only to make sure you could be a partner that never took up too much space. you can’t bring yourself to do that now.

“i look….different.”

he cocks his head to the side, and for a second, he almost looks boyish. it’s warm when it rubs up against the frozen thing in your chest—it thaws you a little.

“different than?”

“different than i used to.”

“right.”

5 years ago, kento’s affirmation would’ve sent you into a tailspin. but it’s different now—you know he doesn’t mean it negatively. it’s more of a prompt for you to continue—a way for him to show you he’s present in the conversation.

“i feel bad about that.”

his brows furrow again—a tiny crease in the middle of them that makes you want to reach out and poke it.

“why do you feel bad about that?”

“i don’t know,” you tip your head back, looking to the ceiling like it’ll have the words you’re searching for on it, “i just…wasn’t expecting the change, i guess. i feel like i don’t know what my body looks like anymore.”

he’s silent while he takes in your words, thumbs sliding up the inside arch of your foot while he thinks. 5 years ago, his silence would have ate at you until you packed it with empty filler to take away from the heaviness you brought into the conversation. it doesn’t bother you now, though—you know he wants to hear what you have to say. you feel secure enough to say it.

“are there specific things about your body that you feel bad about?”

you nod after a moment, choosing not to elaborate. it really didn’t matter what they were—it was not as if it was your first time feeling body insecurity, but this feeling carried a bit of existentialism that you weren’t familiar with—that was the problem.

“i feel like i’m too soft,” you say after another moment of silence. it’s not a bombshell that shatters it—it’s just a tiny pebble dropped from above that disturbs the surface.

“for who?”

“me.”

his fingers curl around your ankles and hold you there while his eyes graze your face. “what do you need right now, my love?”

his eyes settle on yours and you feel your own need for him flare up inside your chest. too warm for the thing that was there before. melted, you crack.

“maybe a hug.”

you blink and he’s standing before you, strong arms reaching around your shoulders to cage your head in to his chest. your thighs squeeze around the outside of his instinctively, like to pull him in is all you know how to do. the hand on the back of your head is warm and unwavering like the rest of him.

“not that you asked for this,” he murmurs into your skin, pressing a soft kiss to your temple, “but i love you soft. you change and i love you more than i thought i could.”

you press your forehead to his collar bone on a shaky exhale, letting his words wash over you. kento is nothing if not a man of whole truths—the biggest of those is that he loves you. it’s not like him to offer you meaningless affirmations just to placate you, so you know this carries weight—you take it for what it is.

“i want to love me soft, too.”

“i know,” he whispers into your hairline, “give it some time. you’ve done this before, no?”

his palm finds the base of your neck and massages the perpetual ache out of the muscle. there are moments that you are grateful for kento’s ability to find solutions where you cannot—to accept the control you hand to him on the basis of trust that has been earned over the years—but right now you’re grateful for his ability to know when to leave something unresolved. it might be true that to let this air out is the best thing for you to do—and knowing you’ll have kento to lean on when it doesn’t seem so simple is helpful.

the warm light casts shadows of your bodies against the wall—distorted and conjoined, and still more beautiful than you’ve ever seen. you think you can understand what he meant.

“love you, ken.”

he presses his smile into the crown of your head. “i love you, too.”

[seventh-district]

so was anyone gonna tell me that the poet whose works helped me process the death of my childhood dog has a book coming out and it’s release date happens to be the ten year anniversary of said dog’s death or was i supposed to find that out on my own

[saintmeghanmarkle]

Megan's pr plan gossip. by u/deedee50

Megan's pr plan+ gossip. We all know that Megan calls the paps to car parks etc and other exciting places where she can be photographed. After she was seen entering an eatery that Cameron Diaz and Benjamin McFadden were outside that was turned into a story about them dining along with Gwyneth who happened to be there at the same time. The reason Megan put out the story that they had had dinner together knowing it was completely false was to be able to then ring said celebrities in this case Gwyneth and Cameron, so she could apologise for the false press, and ask if they'd like to meet for a drink or a bite to eat somewhere more private and get to know each other. Also pulled this trick with Travolta (who quickly shut it down).Megan asked and got a list of WMEs clients who might be open to a mutually beneficial friendship contract, unfortunately apparently there were only 18 names all c-d list, real housewives/selling sunset types. Not 1 A.Lister. She has started drinking more than usual, crying to h, why does everyone hate me?? Etc. Also seems convinced and has convinced h that they will get back in the RF fold, using public pressure of constantly holding out olive branch's that are rejected, the atmosphere is very much "they owe us, after what they put poor meg through just like husbands mummy"The person who drops me this info is soon starting to seek out offers that the payout would more than cover being sue'd by the litigious harkles and keeps a detailed diary. The majority Of information is only gained because madam seems to have 2 levels of voice shout and shout louder when things don't go her way. I've told before how staff talk and laugh that even garden staff know whats going on it's that loud. plus theres caneras EVERYWHERE manned by security also privy to what's going on, he still wants her, she tolerates him, they fight a lot Doria is ref. This is all alleged, I've explained how I get the info, and why and it's up to you if you wish to think it's true, partly true or false. I'm saying this as I love this forum, the posters are intelligent ,witty and fun and it brings me relief from real life, so that's why I post, and my friend is aware I post here. post link: https://ift.tt/hQlVkdT author: deedee50 submitted: April 09, 2024 at 06:05PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

[aziraphales-library]

Lost Fic #200

1. Hi! Idk if you can help me but I trying to find this one specific fic. I think the plot was gabirel and sandalphon try to ruin aziraphale and crowley’s reputation by yelling that they’re gay in public but literally no one cares and they get chewed out for it by an elderly couple. I’m pretty sure that it’s either a one shot or like two/three chapters and that it’s pre season 2. Idk if this helps. Thanks! - anon

2. Lost a fic that I can't remember much about but it had multiple chapters, Aziraphale and Crowley through the years, and some female presenting. I remember there was a scene where they were on a boat and it flipped, due to Crowley leaning in for a kiss. There's also mentions of Aziraphale's diary and feelings for Crowley. Another scene was a picnic and almost kiss. Eventually they talked it out and realized they loved each other and Aziraphale asked Crowley if she intended for them to almost kiss on the boat. I think it's on Ao3? No idea. - @spaceypotato19

3. Hii, first of all thanks so much for all the work you do here!! I am looking for a fic and I can't find it in my bookmarks or using the tags of this blog. It was a cinderella au but with a a/b/o twist. Azi was the omega and to go to the dance anathema uses a potion or smth to make it look like hes an alpha and A and C meet and they fall in love and marry but eventualy C descovers the truth and there was a kidnapping or smth. I also remember C calling omegas in general very clingy and A taking offense and such. It was a long fic, probably 80k+ I belive Thanksss! - @just-here-doing-something

4. Hi! I'm hoping you can help me find a fic. It's a sequel (although i can't find part 1 either) where Crowley accidentally switches to female genitals. He freaks out because he didn't think Aziraphale will want him anymore, so he freezes time and runs away. The other moment I remember is that it turns out Crowley has not been killing plants. Rather he puts them on his balcony for "retirement." It has a happy ending. I how you can help, because it's driving me crazy! Thanks!! - anon

5. Hello :3 I am aware that you are all very busy but I thought I'd shoot my shot. A friend and I were talking about a specific plotline of a fic that we both remember, it being Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship with their own mothers being a representation of their relationship with God in the original work. We remember that Crowley was jealous of Aziraphale's unconditional and undying love for his mother even though he never knew her cause she died when he was really young and was raised by his grandfather, hence why he's so old fashioned, because his own mother was really crappy and threw him out of the house when he was young. This talk made me want to read it again, but neither of us can remember the title or the main plot apart from this one thing. If anyone has any idea what he could be, please let me know!! (And thank you in advance to anyone who can help) I feel like I should also mention, at some point Crowley goes into Aziraphale's room and sees pictures of him as a baby with his mother looking very happy on his bedside table and that's when he starts feeling jealous. There's also a bunch of other childhood pictures of Aziraphale on there but the most important one is the one with his mother. (also, it was a human au, if that helps) If you could help me find it, I would be ever so grateful. Thank you so much! - @sunlecitron

If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)

- Mod D

[gor3sigil]

Watched a video where the dude talked about how he missed the "old internet" and how it's getting more and more difficult to form meaningful relationships online, that people mostly want to spread positivity or be seen as activists or advocates for x y z.

And I have to say, I agree. I'm 27, I didn't live the earliest days of the Internet, but something I vividly remember is how people would have blogs with long long posts about their lives like a public diary and man it was so great to read. I remember some of them like I read them yesterday just because it was THAT impactful.

When I started to get out of the nerdy forums and chat rooms I was in and hang out in "modern" social media, I HATED it. Like, every fucking bit, everything felt so fake and to me, it's even worse now, a decade later.

Idk man I just hate small talk IRL and online and all this shit where people are suddenly "trauma dumping" as soon as they go a bit deeper than surface level conversations, I just can't. It's like people are just scared to talk to one another even online when it used to be the only place I could be myself and make friends.

That's why I like it here, I love to see long ass posts about everything and anything and people just be their weird selves. Sometimes I'm sad I didn't get to experience the "golden age" of Tumblr because I'm french and couldn't read english at the time and this site wasn't that used by french people. But I'm glad this site is still going strong because that's one of the only place online where I still feel people are genuine and interesting lmao.

Maybe I'm just a dick but being an adult with very few friends in need of deeper connections is lonely.

[gatheredfates]

Hello everyone! 🐋 It's Friday here, just before the Live Letter, so I thought I'd whip out a small Compendium update before it gets crazy!

There's not that much this week but, with Dawntrail, so close, I'm not worried — I'm sure I'll be swamped with people coming back very soon. With that in mind, however, as of today (06/14), the following resources have been added to Sea's Community Compendium for XIV Creatives.

MISC

Pride Backlighting Tutorial — Do you want to see your characters awash in the colours of Pride? Maybe you just want some cool backlighting behind them? @whitherwanderer has put together a guide for you!

SEAFLOOR

We're a Tumblr Community now! For people unfamiliar with the concept of Communities, I encourage you to check out the tumblr post by staff made about them here. However, copy/pasting what I have written in the Compendium, the Community functions as so:

SEAFLOOR (A FFXIV Community) is a Tumblr community whose duel-purpose focuses on my projects — the Compendium, question drives and screenshot events — whilst also reblogging member created works, resources (including events, commissions and looking for content/roleplay/free company posts), affirmations and other xiv-related content. If you are interested in supporting my projects without the social aspect of a Discord, I highly encourage you to join the Community. Everything hosted on the Discord will be cross-posted there; you will not miss out on anything. As Communities are still in beta, members need to be manually invited. If you would like to join, please like the tumblr post here. Once Communities are out of beta, I will remove this section to better reflect its true public status.

I'm hoping the Community will function as a member-curated dash, resource hub and visual diary for my projects and member created works. There are no hard feelings if you want to leave the Discord and only join the Community. Please do what makes you comfortable!

Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here or send me an ask with the relevant information!

Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. Again, all the below information is accessible on the document! 🦈

Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:

Personal/Single-Character LFC ads.

Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include in-character tabloid blogs used to generate RP.

Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).

Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.

Common-sense rule applies.

FAQ.

I want to put my community on the compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?

Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!

I want to put my community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —

Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.

I want to put my community on the compendium but I worry its too niche?

Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it.

What resources/communities can I add if I'm not the owner of them?

Mutual consent is extremely important to me, so anything that isn't a large-scale community OR a publicly accessible resource must be endorsed by the owner/admin/moderators in order to be added to the compendium. I operate under the assumption that a resource posted to a public space (tumblr, googledocs, youtube, etc) is open to all. A large-scale community is one with a significant member count or openly advertises itself as being accessible to everyone for whatever purpose it serves. If in doubt, please get in touch with me. I'm happy to contact your community owners for you!

How active does a community need to be?

If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, absolutely contact me about that.

I have [insert a question not stated here]?

No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!

[sunniedesi]

Future Diary "The Live World": Part 3!

As mentioned in my last post, this part will go over the creation of 12th's costume for "The Live World" concert. First, we have the following post from Yoshihisa Kawahara (12th's VA):

Note: the pictures included in the blog are missing here because they weren't archived by the Wayback Machine.

Yesterday, on the 29th, I participated at the event “Future Diary The Live World” held at Shibuya AX ♪ I want to thank my fellow members of the Future Diary cast, the absolutely wonderful artists and all the staff who supported us from behind the scenes! And as always… my biggest thanks go to everyone in the audience! Even though it’s been a long time since the broadcast ended, so many people came… I truly have nothing but words of gratitude for everyone! It was the best night ever, all I could feel was: “wow, the work I was involved in is so loved!” The warm cheers from the audience is something I’m very grateful for!! I’m not like Murata-chan, but I almost felt a little teary-eyed. At times like this, I wish I could say something clever or straightforward, but right now… all I can express is my gratitude. To everyone in the audience, thank you from the bottom of my heart! I even said this at the event, but I sincerely hope that we’re able to meet again, in a bright future ahead. I wish I could write a fun insider report on the event, but I was so busy with this and that on the day that I don’t have any details I can show for it…  Instead, I’ll write a rough summary of the day. My thoughts were something like… “Murata-chan and Togashi-chan really did their best as the leads!”  “Minoru-san did amazing as both a singer and an MC” (he actually helped me a lot as a first-time MC) “Aizawa-chan looked adorable in that girlish dress.”  “OLDCODEX looked great… wait, huh? Tatsu (lead singer) is so… *swoon*” That sort of stuff. HAHAHA, these sound like a child’s thoughts, don’t they? But seriously… I’m sorry I couldn’t give a proper report of the day. I regret not being able to properly listen to all the wonderful artists (^-^;). I wish I could hear them sing again! Ah, anyway, going back to me… to be honest, just hearing the phrase “singing in public” makes my knees shake, it gives me dizziness, palpitations, shortness of breath, almost makes me wet myself, because I’m so bad at it… So when they asked me to sing at Future Diary The Live World, I felt my soul ascend (a.k.a. I thought I was gonna die (/j lol)).  After all, don’t you think that having me stand on a stage next to professional singers would feel like hell? We’re like night and day, you know? Is this a display of public humiliation? In front of the entire audience at Shibuya AX, no less. What do they want from me? What do they want me to do? Kiss someone? Take a bath? Or do they… just.want.me?  AHHHHH! Wait, wait… I just… don’t know how to give the audience what they want!! And so, after many hours of agony and slight (?) confusion… I arrived at the answer.  Huh? Where? HERE!! (Photo of his 12th cosplay.) Since I’m not a good singer, I thought: “I have to go all out!” to make sure everyone enjoys my performance, so I decided to cosplay the 12th, Hirasaka Yomotsu, at the concert. I-I wonder if everyone liked it (worried). I hope they did. Speaking of the 12th’s costume… I would like to mention that I couldn’t have completed it without the help of true allies of justice. First of all, this incredibly well-crafted belt was handmade by no other than… Future Diary’s screenwriter, Takayama Katsuhiko-san. When we were recording the last part of Future Diary, he approached me and said: “I’ll make you the belt if you do the cosplay at the concert, okay?” so I took his word and asked him to make the belt before the event… (Photo of the belt) It looks amazing, doesn’t it? Whoa! He actually made it based on the original design!

“I molded it with Sculpey on a base cut from aluminum, and added a reflective red plate to make it shine like a light!” Takayama-san said it so nonchalantly… I wonder how he, a screenwriter, can have so many amazing skills. (Murmuring) He’s a scary guy (^-^;). Isn’t he? This is the kind of thing where you say: “I’ll pay for it, with cash!!” or “at least let me cover the production costs!” But no matter what I said, he firmly refused, telling me: “it’s fine, I made it with materials I had on hand!”… it made me feel so guilty, I had trouble sleeping at night. Thank you so much, Takayama-san! This will become a family heirloom!  Now, as for the 12th’s head… it was made by our cosplay director: Natsuhi Rinko-chan! Despite being busy with other things, she did an amazing job creating the head from a styrofoam ball and other materials. It all started with our manager asking one of our talents: “are you going to cosplay? We have someone who knows all about that stuff.” I honestly thought: “they’ll make a small cosplay, they won’t go as far as to make headgear, right?” I wasn’t very convinced (haha).  But then Natsuhi-chan went: “my cosplay will be used at an official event! AHH!” and crafted it with a lot of joy… she’s such a sweetheart. I’ll have to treat her to a nice meal next time ♪ Natsuhi-chan is a very lively and talented girl, so I’d be happy if you’d support her work ( ´ ▽ ` )!! I was thinking of adding more photos here… but I was so distracted at the event, all I took were pictures of a very excited Natsuhi-chan (lol). Anyway, that’s a quick rundown of the costume I wore. If I have any other stories about the concert, I’ll write them later!  PS I bought the leather boots at the concert since they were on sale… And my heroic black bodysuit IS MY PERSONAL PROPERTY!!

Lastly, we fortunately have the photos of the belt and a description of how it was made thanks to this blog post from Katsuhiko Takayama (Future Diary's screenwriter):

I was commissioned by Kawahara Yoshihisa to make the 12th's transformation belt for the upcoming event: “Future Diary - The Live World,” being held at Shibuya AX on Sunday, July 29th.

It’s a 50 mm-wide gray, nylon belt with a plastic buckle, that I modeled with Super Sculpey clay over an aluminum base. The piping was made with aluminum tubes, as well as the decorations, which I made out of aluminum pipes, cutting the pieces and crimping them onto the belt. With projects like this, I rarely use Sculpey clay for the finish, but it was all I had on hand, and given the time constraints, it was the best option I had. I fixed bolts onto the belt plate to keep the clay from falling off of the aluminum base. I used pink-colored resin for the center. If I had used clear resin on top of the red, it would’ve looked more realistic, but too dark, so I painted the back and the edges silver to make it brighter. When the lights hit it on stage, it will have a more unique color that otherwise wouldn’t come through with just the red paint.

If the time and number of performances was plenty, or the rehearsal time was long, I could’ve made a mold and then created an FRP or rubber protection, to make the model more durable. I also thought of making a spare belt, but given this was a one-time performance and a personal commission from Kawahara-san, I decided to make this a simpler, less costly project.  I also thought of painting different shades of gray to match the color scheme, but since this was for a stage performance, I went with a metallic finish instead. The finish doesn’t look very neat from up-close, but on stage, the reflection of the light emphasizes the metallic effect, giving it a more realistic feel as opposed to a costume. It looks like a prop that a superhero from a comic or movie made himself. This kind of stuff is really fun to make. 

For the first time in my life, I sent out flowers. But, the producer from Kadokawa (Itou) and the producer from Lantis (Saitou) told me with a smile that my job isn’t so much of an executive position, but a social one. Apparently, I should have written my job description as “screenwriter” rather than “series composition.” You live and you learn, I guess.

BONUS: Remember these two pictures from the last post?

Those girls are all voice actresses, but I want to focus on that second picture, the last girl to the right. Her name is Kaori Sadohara, and she also had this post to share:

Hello, Sadohara checking in (￣∇￣). I went to the Future Diary conceeert!!! I had been looking forward to this day for so long. It was the best, simply the best ε=(///ω///)=33 I was already excited before entering the venue (lol) ↓

Everyone was shining on stage! ☆ The cast’s singing was amazing, and I was really happy to hear the OP and ED live as well. This was also my first time seeing Hata Aki-san (singer for 3rd and 6th’s themes) perform, and it was completely captivating. It gave me goosebumps! After the show, I met up with Togashi-san, Aizawa-san, Kawahara-san and Shiraishi-san (*^^*) Everyone was shining on stage! ☆ The cast’s singing was amazing, and I was really happy to hear the OP and ED live as well. This was also my first time seeing Hata Aki-san (singer for 3rd and 6th’s themes) perform, and it was completely captivating. It gave me goosebumps! After the show, I met up with Togashi-san, Aizawa-san, Kawahara-san and Shiraishi-san (*^^*)

Kawahara-san sang in a 12th cosplay, which was also very exciting (lol). It was a wonderful concert… I hope to see a character song-themed concert for “Upotte!!” as well. (Note: Upotte!! is an anime that Misuzu Togashi and Kaori voice acted in.) Ah! We will be updating regularly until August 12th! On August 12th, I’ll be giving away signed CD’s at Comic Market! For more details, please look at my past blog entry :) I’ll cry if you don’t come, seriously! So please, please come <3 See ya 〇(>∀<)〇

You may be wondering why I'm including her in a post supposedly about the 12th... and well, there's a good reason for that.

This is Yoshihisa's wife, whom he married in 2017.

Now, they both knew each other way before the concert (at least since 2011, because they worked together on Nichijou), but there is something so funny to me about the fact that Yoshihisa, unknowingly, cosplayed the 12th in front of his future wife. And in reverse, that was her future husband she was seeing dressed up as a delulu eyeball man.

And honestly? Love that for them.

Now you know fellas, the best way to court a lady is to transform into a mentally ill power ranger with an affinity for dancing in tights (lol).

[atinylittlepain]

i'm about to use tumblr like a diary.

here's the thing about getting that thing you've wanted long enough to convince yourself it will solve all your problems just as soon as you get that thing, just as soon as that want is settled and sated. it doesn't work as seamlessly as that.

the thing i wanted, worked my want up into tooth and nail and fang and blood, came in an email. what changed between the two breaths it took for that email to show up in my inbox? not much, honey! a future, a move, a get out of undergrad free card, sure, yes, great. i let myself be excited about it for an afternoon or so, and woke up the next morning in about the same place i've been waking up in for a while now. wherever i go, there i am.

if you've been around this blog for the last two to three months you will have seen me engaging in what i'm now calling flailing - swearing off writing one week, only to post a one shot the next week, only to swear it all off again, only to threaten to delete the whole thing, only to go radio silent and fucking love it, only to show up again, which leads us to here, this post. and i don't know why i'm saying all this, trying to explain it, i think mostly just to myself, albeit in a very public fashion, but here it goes anyways.

i'm fucking tired and i want to clear the air. the truth is i don't really like writing fic any more, it's become a sort of compulsive comfort crutch of mine, a quick hit source of dopamine or validation that doesn't work any more. i write fic from a very numb, very lonely, very desperate place these days, and i don't want to do it any more. if i'm being honest, i don't really want to write anything any more. i started calling myself a writer and then got afraid of the silhouette i had carved out for myself. i'm not calling myself anything now.

i unfollowed a lot of people in order to distance myself from dynamics and content that i do not enjoy. to any friends that this has hurt, or any pots that this has stirred, it means nothing more than me wanting a simple, quiet dash when i log onto here.

all this is to say that there might be fic eventually, sometime far down the line. there also might not ever be fic again. i'm still writing in stops and starts, but i'm a little too tender right now to share anything.

i'm going to use this blog however i want to and there is little else to say about the matter.

[etirabys]

Over the past few years I've eased off on trying to be an "appealing blog" and have let myself be weird and boring. I feel less vulnerable but more of a full person. It's nice.

I'm kind of touched people still engage with me / seem to like my posts even though I'm dequeuing random stuff that feels important and real to me but isn't interesting.

The part of me that wants to play popularity / follower-count-go-up games is getting exercised on twitter. I expect to get bored of this – my follower count is lower on twitter, but the negative interaction rate is higher due to the algorithm showing my content to randos faster than I can block them. My lust for attention will almost certainly be slaked before I hit 10K. After that, maybe I'll find another outlet.

My relationship with internet attention is different. I used to treat the internet as my diary because I wanted understanding, and because I had a deep and right feeling that my thoughts are public property. Now, at least on tumblr, the second factor is dominant. (I disclose much less than when I was younger because my irl and internet social spheres merged and intense disclosure embarrasses me, and because my most vibrant thoughts are increasingly about other people's private thoughts. It is nice to not be lonely, but what a cost.)

I notice I've barely linked my porn of the past 4 months anywhere, including in my actual porn server on Discord*. I just don't think those works are very good. I would love to get a flood of reviews and kudos, but the lack of it doesn't bother me. I am content to put the works out there and get 500 hits.

*By the way, if you have zero triggers, want an invite to my erotica writing and reccing Discord, and are okay being declined after a brief vetting conversation, DM me.

The me of five or ten years ago – who craved attention for her creativity – would be shocked by this attitude. But I'm now comfortable with the long game – if what I write is really good, eventually lots of people will be reading everything I write, the way I read everything by an author who passes a certain bar of competence / kink compatibility. If I'm good enough, it'll happen. If I'm not, it won't. Seems fine.

I'm happy to feel this way and not the way I used to feel. And I'm happy to be boring on here, and make meandering posts like this.

[hatredmadeofgold]

Your fanfic pushed me to set up a trip to Prague. I'm going soon, and I'm really excited.

Hey anon! Honestly this blew my mind when I found your message in my inbox last night because I didn't expect someone to actually get so interested in travelling to Prague from just reading Sing to Me but omg I hope you're having tons of fun there!

I sat down and made you a list on google maps for all the locations mentioned in Chapter 5 and 6 together with notes where what exactly happened + some locations from the Eastern Europe Chapter of MGS4, in case you want to check these places out yourself.

I do recommend walking or taking public transport instead of a taxi or car to explore the city, Prague is extremely walkable and all these locations are within walking distance from each other. Yes, I walked to all of them when I first went back in 2021, but for someone who isn't used to walking much it might be a little more. Luckily I was in Prague as well back in March this year together with @cyborgdumptruck and took tons of photos and videos for the revisions of those chapters that I still got on my to do list and I thought I could share some with you :]

From left to right:

Náměstí Míru Metro station (Line A)

Bazilika sv. Ludmily at Náměstí Míru (Peace Square) that Sam wanted to take a photo of but Raiden didn't let him, saying that they weren't in Prague for sightseeing

Arkada Hotel, the hotel that they were staying at which is just a few hundred meters walking distance away from the square

I didn't mention the exact location of the restaurant that Sam ordered himself some dinner while Raiden just waited impatiently for him to finish eating, but I imagined it being somewhere near Staroměstské náměstí (Old Town Square) where you can also find the famous Pražský orloj (Astronomical Clock). The restaurant in that scene I made up because honestly the area is a very popular tourist spot and therefore the prices are ridiculous compared to other places in Prague where you could get something to eat. This is also why I wrote in the current version of Chapter 5 that it's a less busy street near the square and not directly at it, but it's also a point that I have on my revision list of things that will be changed about the chapter. They definitely walked through this place though, and Raiden gets annoyed at Sam wanting to take photos of the area since it's overall a nice spot with beautiful old buildings that even have hand painted walls.

Popular tourist spot aside, it's absolutely possible to get good photos and videos of the clock and the area overall and we were there during warm weather on a sunny day around Easter, so it was quite packed with people already.

Karlův most (Charles Bridge) with Pražský hrad (Prague Castle) in the background. Raiden took Sam across this bridge to show him around the Malá Strana (Lesser Town) district, but then started to heavily dissociate on their way there and began 'acting strange' in Sam's eyes.

This is, by the way, also close to the location where Liquid Ocelot massacred all the joint army-marines unit trying to stop him at the end of the Eastern Europe Chapter in MGS4, and also where EVA (Big Mama) died.

Maybe you'll get an idea now why Raiden might have dissociated so heavily when they crossed the bridge, although he wasn't present at those events... it's not because of those, but they're connected (¬‿¬)

This is Kellyxír! (Maps Link) The bar that Raiden dragged Sam into, and then got shitfaced right in front of him. I also took Sam's diary with me that I got last year to take a photo for the @mgsr-sing-to-me blog that ended up becoming a GIF instead (I love the Live Photo function of iPhones ngl). I had also ordered the same drink that Raiden had, The Breath of Uroboros, the Dragon (costs 333 Kč which would be around 14 USD). Sadly I had to crop the video because I am not comfortable sharing my face on Tumblr for now.

I have to say that in the revision of Chapter 5, I'll try to make that scene a little more elegant than it currently is.

On their way back to the hotel, Raiden nearly pukes on Sam from having absolutely overdone it with alcohol at the bar. I imagined this happening when they just reached Malostranské náměstí where they could take a tram back to Náměstí Míru to get back to the hotel.

Fun fact, when I was checking the locations that I mentioned in my fic, we coincidentally found the church in which Solid Snake (Old Snake) met EVA (Big Mama) in MGS4 and it's literally around the corner to Malostranské náměstí. And yes I am pretty sure that it was that exact church given the photos on Maps showing the insides of it. Unfortunately we didn't manage to go inside due to it only being open for visitors for an hour per day.

This is a really funny coincidence if you ask me, I was in tears when I noticed it 😂

The agreed rendezvous point with their client Tomáš Růžička in Chapter 6 is the Bazilika svatého Petra a Pavla located inside the Vyšehrad fortress. Getting up there takes a little while, especially when you're getting there from the Vyšehrad Metro Station (Line C), you'll be walking at least 20 minutes when you aren't familiar with the area 😅 But it is a really nice walk! Also there is a beer garden (Na Hrádbach) at the fortress where you can get something to eat and drink without paying tons of money. Just please take cash in CZK with you just in case, I am very unsure if they let you pay with card.

Lastly, here are some photos of Magistrát hlavního města Prahy (Prague City Hall). Sadly the building had construction work done when we went back in March, so those aren't the prettiest pictures. I will change the scene in revision of Chapter 6 where they get here because I am not really happy with it ಠ╭╮ಠ Getting to the place though helped a lot with making decisions for what exactly will be changed.

Anyway, hope you're having tons of fun in Prague and thank you so much for letting me know that you're reading my fic and got inspired to travelling there because of it. It really made my day :3

[waitmyturtles]

hello! I hope you are having a good day :) I just read your blog piece about tharntype, thank you for writing it! I want to offer a few complicating thoughts, as a queer person myself:

-in the twittersphere, I actually know a lot of other queer people (and, specifically, queer men) who like tharntype in a kink way. as in, the parts that make it "problematic" are the parts that are hot. so this "reading" of TT (lol) sees it as erotic art intended to arouse, rather than offer "representation" or change the public's mind in some way. so from this perspective, the target audience is anyone who finds the erotic story enjoyable, rather than say, random 14 year olds who need to be convinced gay people are human.

-more on the above: gay people aren't unproblematic. like, we do engage in all the things that you said were problematic stereotypes included in tharntype. many gay men are homophobic in the exact way type is, before they admit it to themselves. that's a whole genre of gay porn, because it's such a common part of the gay experience that it enters sexual fantasy frequently! gay people call each other slurs all the time, too (not saying it's right for anyone to be spoken to like type did, I'm just saying, for a lot of us there's a lot of humor and love there when it's spoken kindly). many gay men ARE promiscuous (not all, obviously, but many) and the way in which they are is shaped by their gayness, and while straight world might think that's bad, other gay people might not see it as such. and I very much get how that's very inconvenient when one is trying to argue that gay people aren't sex perverts (so we can have rights) but sometimes what ends up happening is that people who ARE sex perverts (I mean this in a positive way) get told that their lives don't matter, or that even depicting them in fiction "makes you all look bad." it's the usual assimilation problem :/

-I really really really recommend diary of tootsies for a show by gay people for gay and straight people. it's one of my all-time favorite gay dramas, and it might elaborate more on what I'm saying above. it's a gay comedy that's actually executed well.

-it's actually not true that yaoi has only ever been dominated by cishet women! I love this website for more info on how men and nonbinary people have been involved in yaoi historically https://www.fujoshi.info/ . totally true that treating real people like dolls is gross to do in real life, but I don't think women writing yaoi have done that, on the whole, and I certainly don't think the existence of yaoi does that automatically. and I think it's a case of unfair maligning of asian women to say that it does.

-I don't think tharntype is a "good" show. nothing like, say, moonlight chicken (as an example of a show that I think is very good). it's very poorly executed in places. it's trashy. the way it's been marketed, with tharn and type as like, political gay rep, is bizarre. but it's a cheap, trashy snack, a gay bodice ripper type of story, and so I don't think that's a hate crime, or a failing of lgbt people, on the whole.

I know as an ally it is always difficult when there is disagreement in the group you are trying to be an ally to regarding what is acceptable/offensive, but I feel the best thing to do is always to come to a personal opinion oneself that aligns with one's own moral values, after hearing from differing perspectives within that group. So I've provided my own perspective here, which may be totally different than other people you've heard from or your own, and that's okay too! again, hope you have a great day and thanks for your time :)

ANONYMOUS, COME 'ERE FOR A HUG, YOU! THANK YOU for sharing your perspective.

Yes, this show and the related topics are unbelievably difficult for me to write on as an ally. I really appreciate your understanding of the gray areas all around this, and with the help of a number of Tumblr friends, I tried to dive into and balance as much of the gray areas of the topic of TT as much as possible.

I really appreciate the further history on yaoi's origins, and would like to tag some folks to take a look and offer their thoughts -- and, I do not take corrections personally AT ALL, I LOVE LOVE the learning and constructive criticism (that's a major point of the OGMMTVC!), so I WILL be happy to edit any corrections into my posts if need be (cc @nieves-de-sugui, @miscellar, @lurkingshan and anyone else who knows more about yaoi than I do).

I'm getting one or two nasty comments here and there, but by and large, the feedback today on the post has been thought-provoking and eye-opening. I love hearing and reading all of it.

[amg2]

introduction !! (finally)

last updated: 8/17/24

(OTHER ACCOUNT: DMG10!!)

hello!! im ace, though i also prefer cass, mercury, mer, accio, AMG2, aceline, or in some cases, ace mcfartpants

✓ | i LOVEE mario, SMG4, kirby, undertale, omori, gacha, drawing, painting, music, crochet, theater, war and countries, clothing design, interior design, digital art, TADC, dougdoug, space, bee and puppycat, and way more you should ask me about!! (if, that wasn't enough already)

✕ | i HATTEEEEEEEEE cheese, weird textures, loud noises, uncomfortable situations, slurs, art block, and cleaning

DNI'S:

bigots, sex blogs, pedophiles/zoophiles, racists, sexists, proshippers, anti-lgbtq, ect (the basic dni critera)

also, if you shit on furries, therians, religions, hypersexuality, disabilities, or artstyles, dni please!

art commissions (currently in this case, free)

Yes, you heard that right !! im opening up commissions! i do all art for free in general, probably in this case because i dont need money, but also to have fun and see other peoples designs on ocs/creations. my ask box is open, send me a character and i'll draw it! i have pictures of drawings i do (without reference, currently practicing to not practice) (?) i do have boundaries as listed below--

do's:

sfw

mild blood

partially suggestive (will discuss more)

full body

partial body

furries

non-human

characters and or OC's

interior house art/any interior

ship/selfships

digital and traditional

animals/quad legged

DONT'S:

very/heavily suggestive (again, will discuss more)

full on gore

pedophilia or zoophilia

proshipping

body bases (tracing reasons)

any general thing that a normal artist wouldnt accept in a sfw style.

talking about suggestive art, i allow requests as such:

flirting/teasing

MILD touching. (as, hand resting on thigh, head, cheek, waist, ect)

other sfw, yet still suggestive things, keeping it at a minimum. though i understand what suggestive means, i want to keep it safe for viewers.

for nsfw in general, heavily suggestive--

i cannot draw whatever kinky shit ya got in your head. yes, i want to make people happy-- but i dont want to flat out make myself uncomfortable.

i will not allow:

nude/exposing bodies

pornographic material in general implied

actual intercourse

heavy text (cursing, mumbling sexual noises, ect)

please respect this, and have fun requesting! go all out and dm/send an ask, i wont guarantee to respond right away, but i will try to keep responses consistent! i do add watermarks still :) (no stealing.. grrrrrrrrr)

tags i use:

#ace rambles - me rambling about something

#acesaves - things i wanna save for future!! :D

#smg4 rambling - i think this should explain itself if you've seen my profile

#just needed to get out of system - angry venting

#ace needs to shit - weird shitting jokes i make because poop funny

#aces commissions - drawing commissions i made

#gamer ace !! - a game im playing/referencing

#ace and funni friends - my silly friends (mostly irls)

#acemisc - miscellaneous stuff that shouldnt belong in this world

#aceship - selfshipping (drawing wise)

#aces public dairy diary - not always vents, but stuff on my mind

#heavy vents - crazy stuff happening in my life

#cool sketches - cool sketches out of my handy dandy wandy notebook

nicknames/names for peeps i know:

@moonysfavoritetoast - evan/cosmo (he/they, they/them)

@meerealsssss - mee (she/her)

@the-rizzly-bear - will (he/him)

@homoashell - starr (she/her)

@37x3 sparky (they/he)

riss - my kewl sister (she/her)

artheno - kewl sisters boyfriend who i hate (not really, hes cool) (he/they)

father - my science teacher!! who!! adopted me!! (he/him)

father 2 - actual father and uh hes bad father.. (he/him)

mother - actual mother who is kewl and i love (she/her)

layz - kewl gay friend (they/them)

wife pt 2 - me, evans, and mee's wife (she/they)

seven - oc (she/him)

waterwelon - fursona (he/it/fae)

if you want your tag added or removed, please dm me <3

also please be my mootOKAY THATS ENOUGJ OF MY INTRO.'

[leoparduscolocola]

hey, it's me. i'm not coming back to tumblr permanently, but i figured i'd post this here as a virtual diary entry of sorts (and because i don't know anyone irl that wants to talk about cetaceans at the moment). maybe this post will change people's minds, or at least get them thinking. this isn't directed at anyone or anything; it's more to clear my mind and hopefully inform others about orca captivity, seaworld, etc.

the past six months have been very difficult for me. i'm doing better now, but i'm just not at the place in life i thought i would be at right now. throughout my struggles, one of my biggest sustainers has been my passion for animals, and orcas have been my predominant obsession for a while now. the felidae family, especially lions, will always have my heart—they're the first animal i fell in love with, and they will always be incredibly fascinating and awe-inspiring to me. however, orcas have seized hold of me in a way that i can't really describe. everything i've learned about them has blown me away, from their uniquely stable, mostly nonviolent and matriarchal social structure to their incredibly diverse hunting techniques to their cultural behaviors to the wide diversity of their physical appearance. i just love them so much.

as such, it is inevitable that i would encounter debates about captivity in the course of my internet travels in search of ever more information about these animals. for most of my life, i was unapologetically pro seaworld, viewing them as no different from any other zoo or aquarium and their critics as simply having been bamboozled by the film blackfish (although i staunchly refused to actually watch the film until a few months ago, only listening to how seaworld and its supporters depicted the film to me). by the time i started this blog, i had grown more critical of them, as reflected in my pinned post. at that time, i was more critical of killer whale captivity in general than of seaworld specifically. however, after i had to leave my former college in the middle of the semester due to my mental health, i found myself with a lot of time on my hands before the start of the semester at my new college, so i started doing some more research. as a history nerd, i have always been interested in the history of human interactions with wildlife, and the history of human interaction with orcas is unique from an anthrozoological perspective. i became particularly interested in the era just before and after the release of blackfish in 2013—how seaworld, the scientific community, the animal advocacy community, and the public at large responded, and the lasting reverberations of that era today. i fired up the wayback machine and began painstakingly examining any website i could find from that era that had to do with that topic, from awesomeocean.com to seaworldofhurt.com (neither of which are credible sources, btw: awesome ocean is basically a seaworld-funded buzzfeed clone and seaworld of hurt is run by peta). what i found blew me away in the worst way possible.

the website i spent the most time on was askseaworld.com/ask.seaworldcares.com (https://web.archive.org/web/20160110084856/http://ask.seaworldcares.com/). i cross-checked the information posted there with a little-known website i urge everyone to check out, https://www.seaworldfactcheck.com/ (which i didn't have to use the wayback machine to access, because seaworld has attempted to purge pretty much everything related to the blackfish era from their websites whereas anticap websites haven't). only a handful of the sheer volume of questions they received were fact-checked by seaworldfactcheck, so i had to check a lot of them myself. i was flabbergasted by the responses seaworld posted on askseaworld. they ranged from just your typical corporate pr messaging to outright lies. a common thread running through all of them was a complete refusal to admit that they ever did anything wrong in their entire history. that's something that the entire zoological field has trouble doing, but never had i seen it on such clear display. for example, they audaciously claimed that kohana's calves weren't inbred, and that the degree of relatedness between kohana and her calves' father, keto, is standard practice in ex situ breeding programs. meanwhile, the aza says that inbreeding is to be avoided here and here. additionally, these two pages, while they focus on pedigree dogs, stress that a coefficient of inbreeding (the likelihood of having identical alleles from a common ancestor on both sides of the pedigree) over 5% leads to problems, and kohana's calves had an inbreeding coefficient of 6.25%. i'm no geneticist, but sw's response to that question is questionable, to say the least. when asked about the whales they captured from the wild, they only used the word "collected", which came across to me as corporate doublespeak attempting to obfuscate the trauma and utter cruelty of ripping these complex, cultural, family-oriented animals from their families permanently for the primary purpose of entertainment—which, regardless of their current messaging, was undeniably the purpose of seaworld when it was founded (see page 9 of that link, which is also an incredibly well-researched and well-referenced argument against marine mammals in captivity that cannot be dismissed out of hand just because it comes from an anticap source). they refused to offer even a semblance of regret for how those captures were carried out—even a halfhearted "society's standards for animal welfare were different back then" or "at the time, we had no idea how this sort of thing could impact these animals" would be better than what they said, which was simply that "those were a long time ago". ok, but just because we didn't know it was wrong back then doesn't mean it wasn't wrong. it was just as wrong then as it was now, and seaworld doesn't even say it would be wrong for them to do so now; they just repeat the same line over and over about their last captures being decades ago.

however, none of these are as bad as the askseaworld response that appalled me the most. it genuinely made me question every positive thing i had ever heard about seaworld. unlike most of the questions, the name of the person who asked it was not stated, giving the impression that seaworld perhaps posed it to itself as a sort of preemptive strike. this was their response:

this is one of the most unacceptable and heartrending things i have ever seen written by any person or entity related to animals. nonhuman animals are not a monolith; there are millions of species of animals out there, each one with its own unique behaviors, social structures (or lack of social structures), role in the broader web of life, and ways of thinking. to suggest that the social dynamics of all the animals in the world are so similar that they can be crammed into the word "most" is utterly presumptuous and incorrect. at the risk of sounding like a vegan activist, i will dare to say that this statement enforces a harmful anthropocentric worldview that implies that humans are the only species that could experience distress at the loss of a loved one. by declaring that most animals just get over a member of their social group dying without a second thought, seaworld dismisses years upon years of science revealing the social lives of animals from cows to rabbits to, yes, orcas. including parents in this statement is especially ironic, considering that mother orcas undeniably demonstrate some of the strongest bonds with their children in the animal kingdom, arguably even stronger than humans—after all, when's the last time you met a human who has never left their mother's side their whole life? with this statement, seaworld revealed a callous indifference to the rich inner lives of their animals, focusing on the grief their human employees feel when an orca under their care dies over the far greater grief the orcas themselves probably feel when a member of their actual family dies. orcas have inherent worth and dignity and that deserves to be acknowledged, not dismissed so we can all go back to empathizing with the trainers. i'm not dismissing the trainers' grief in any way; i'm not trying to say the reverse of what seaworld said. rather, i'm saying that their grief shouldn't be seen as more important or more valid than the grief of the orcas.

some might say that this single response, no doubt composed with the help of a public relations firm, should not be taken as representative of seaworld or its trainers as a whole. to that, i would say that while individual employees (i.e., orca trainers) of seaworld may not agree with this statement, it can be presumed that this is or was at the time the official stance of the corporation that is seaworld parks and entertainment, incorporated. personally, i do not think it is possible to separate support for the trainers from support from the larger corporation running the show, as financially supporting seaworld inevitably supports the corporation (which has asked its employees to do some pretty unethical things) and its stakeholders, not just its employees. customers' money is not going into the pockets of trainers; it's going into the corporation first and foremost to pay the CEO and stakeholders before a paltry amount per dollar is redistributed at the company's whim to their trainers and rescue efforts.

as i processed this response, i decided to do some more research into the anti-cap side of things. i found that, despite seaworld's constant claims that they are a science-based organization, i could not find a wild orca biologist (meaning somebody who researched orcas exclusively in the wild, without a personal connection to seaworld or any other captive entity) who supported keeping orcas in captivity in general or seaworld specifically. of course, i don't know all of the wild orca biologists in the world, so i could be missing somebody, but all of the big names who conducted the most groundbreaking research on orcas in their natural habitats condemn orca captivity, as these links show: michael bigg, alexandra morton, ken balcom, deborah giles, naomi rose, paul spong, erich hoyt, and ingrid visser. these are not peta activists—they are experts in their field with phds and decades of experience! pro-caps often accuse anti-caps of only listening to their emotions instead of science, but how is it valid to dismiss all of these esteemed scientists as being biased when their research and experiences in the field with orcas are the reason why they are against captivity? seaworld tends to portray itself as objective and rational and their opponents as emotional and irrational, but how can all of these orca experts who have nothing to gain financially from opposing seaworld be completely incorrect when it comes to captivity and the corporation that profits off of having them in captivity be completely correct? the most praise directed towards orca captivity from a wild orca researcher i could find was robert pittman referring to them as "sacrifical animals" who display obvious signs of poor welfare but need to be kept in captivity anyway so the public will fall in love with their species; hardly a glowing endorsement. in her presentation at the california coastal commission, naomi rose said something (starting at 10:36) that really opened my eyes. she said that she does not believe that seaworld and its trainers are being intentionally cruel to their animals, but that they simply do not understand them: "if they don't know what normal is, then they cannot know what abnormal is." she's saying that in order to build a solid foundational understanding of a species' normal behavior, one must spend as much time as possible observing that species in its normal, evolutionary, default way of living, i.e. "the wild". without doing this sort of firsthand research or drawing upon the scientific literature produced by those who have, one cannot claim that an animal of this species in totally abnormal conditions is displaying normal behavior. the aim of captivity for any species should be to replicate an animal's normal way of living as much as possible to allow the optimal amount of normal behaviors to be expressed, and what the scientists i have mentioned claim is that orca captivity is failing at replicating this way of living.

the institution of orca captivity in its current form takes away almost all elements of what would be considered an orca's normal lifestyle, from hunting to staying in their matrilines to communicating with other orca pods to moving large distances on a daily basis to choosing who they mate with and when to experiencing changes in water depth, light level, pressure, salinity, currents, waves, and weather. they destroy their teeth , exhibit increased aggression levels with each other (compared to their remarkably stable social structure in their natural habitat), and experience dorsal fin collapse, a phenomenon that seaworld has declared has no implications for these animals' well-being despite conducting zero research on it (seriously, imagine if all male lions' manes fell out in captivity and zoos shrugged their shoulders and said it was fine without ever exploring why). manmade enrichment and training can supplement this, but in my opinion it can never replace it entirely because these animals live such active and complex lives in the wild. basically the only natural thing that they are allowed to do in captivity is breed (but again, they can't always choose when they mate and with whom). i and the above scientists believe that orcas' welfare is already so compromised in captivity that removing this element is worth it to protect future orcas from having to endure this and to reduce demand for wild captures as genetic diversity in breeding programs runs out (to my knowledge less than 30 orcas worldwide are part of captive breeding programs) and, as we're seeing in china, new parks opening demand more orcas faster than they can be born. more and more and more breeding (chimelong has been breeding especially rapidly, forcing katenka to have 3 calves in just under four years when a wild orca would only have one calf in that time frame, and shanghai and kamogawa sea world are breeding as well) does not quell the need for wild captures; it drives it. the success of seaworld parks in the usa is likely a major factor in why businesspeople in other countries (china, russia) have started majorly investing in capturing orcas in the past decade.

that brings me to something that has really disturbed me lately. over the months since chimelong spaceship opened in china, i have seen a continual backwards shift in what the pro-cap community has considered acceptable. the number of pro-caps that i have seen praising chimelong while giving mere lip service to the fact that most of their orcas were traumatically ripped from their families is astounding. you cannot praise a facility while ignoring the source of their animals, and you cannot condemn the fact that these orcas were wild-caught while throwing your support behind the industry driving demand for these captures. i highly doubt people come to a theme park that is literally shaped like a giant spaceship with any intention of being educated or supporting conservation; they come there to be entertained, just as people came to seaworld solely to be entertained for much of its history. also, pro-caps must not ignore the fact that spaceship's parent company, chimelong, operates a deplorable circus, chimelong international circus, that abuses wild animals and forces them to perform dangerous and demeaning tricks. chimelong also operates zhuhai chimelong ocean kingdom, at which cruelty and neglect have been documented (china cetacean alliance may be connected to animal rights groups, but that doesn't mean the results of their investigations are completely invalid). this report about chimelong and shanghai, including concerning animal behavior and misinformation being spread by chimelong trainers, is also incredibly concerning. even if no outright orca abuse has been recorded at shanghai, chimelong, or other new facilities yet, it is still concerning that their sister facilities engage in such blatant abuse with other animals. if three out of four restaurants in a chain have been caught on camera serving moldy, spoiled food to their customers, it's a pretty safe bet that the fourth one will eventually be caught doing so too.

anyways, that about wraps up what is by far the longest post i have ever made on tumblr. nobody i know irl really cares about cetacean captivity, so i wanted to vent here. i am not the most anti-cap anti-cap out there for cetaceans, but i definitely am more so than i used to be. heck, i'm not even universally opposed to something like the whale sanctuary project being constructed—wikie, inouk, and keijo are likely going to be transferred out of marineland antibes soon, and even though the sanctuary model is totally unproven, i can't help but feel that their welfare would be better there than at the places they are rumored to have been sold to: kobe suma sea world, kamogawa sea world, and port of nagoya public aquarium. the former two feature tank complexes that are barely bigger than tokitae's infamous "whale bowl", and kamogawa still does waterwork. also, it is rumored that marineland antibes wants to split up their orcas between these facilities, which wouldn't happen at the wsp and would make the stress of the move even worse. however, i absolutely cannot stand the wsp's messaging; they spread a lot of poor-quality information. as many others have said before, the sanctuary model could be super risky, and it's doubtful they could construct it in time if the french government allows the orcas to be moved, considering marineland antibes wanted these orcas gone yesterday. as usual, captive orcas are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

however, i want to make one thing clear: i'm not an expert or a scientist, nor do i wish to portray myself as such. i'm just a bored college student who is obsessed with animals and has too much time on her hands. i try to get as much of my information from experts and scientists as possible, but i do not claim to be an expert and i'm always willing to learn from the scientific literature and from people who can engage in respectful discussion. in regards to captive orcas, i would certainly love to be wrong.

[thesilliestofgals]

👀

Please consider this as prompting for your Rosabella ideas!!

HOOO BOY DO I GOT IDEAS

In the show, Rosabella.. is, well... kinda basic. So... I can see why some people don't like her.

I was discussing some of them with @/gumjester (her rewrite is really good please add it to your reading list) so i'll reiterate them here:

"I think it'd be fascinating if a rewrite portrayed her as someone who is.. (ironically?) very untrusting and like... the opposite of Belle. I remember she has powers, at least in her diary, that allows her to see other people's auras, so perhaps that could cause her to like... constantly be calling people out, warranted or not. As a result of her behavior, she's almost like.. [gumjester's] version of Blondie, except worse in some ways?

Perhaps the relationship could work if, somehow, Rosabella helps Daring stop being so full of himself, and Daring also helps her stop being so judgmental, untrusting, and condescending?"

To revise this idea, I think it'd be really fascinating if this version of Rosabella is actually the Beast (let's call this version of her Rosabella Beast, or RB, from now on), and she was cursed at a young age, resulting in her being forced to keep her emotions in check to prevent herself from turning into her Beast Form. Shortly after this, she gains the trust of someone and reveals her secret, only to be betrayed, maybe as a result of her powers developing, or this event causes her powers to be created- this effectively results in RB losing trust in everyone.

As she gets older, she kinda leans more into her... "villain" role. She learns how to act like a Beauty from her story- sweet, compassionate, loving in the public, but judgmental, untrusting, and condescending when she's alone. Needless to say, RB has everyone wrapped around her finger by the time she's about to enter EAH.

She eventually meets Blondie, and instead of being put off by her nosiness.. she finds it endearing. They become allies of sorts, not friends, but allies nonetheless. They start up a blog where RB effectively airs out the dirty laundries of the Royals and Rebels, warranted or not. She acts as the judge, jury, and executioner, casting her judgmental upon those she deems as in need of said judgment and punishment.

Perhaps if a rewrite were to use this idea, there could be an arc where the main cast of said rewrite try to figure out who's running the blog and how to shut it down as it begins to get more dangerous.... and maybe that's when Daring comes into the picture.

The rest of my thoughts are a little too incoherent to continue, but I hope that's a good enough preview to share more in the near future!

[givemethepage]

Layers of Fear 2023 Initial Playthrough Impressions, Part 1.

[SUPER LONG POST AHEAD, LIKELY FULL OF SPOILY BITS] (All my posts in this blog probably will be.)

Obviously I love it and my obsession with this world has been reignited, burning twice as hot as it did the first time around. So far I've played through Painter's Story 3 times, Daughter's Story twice, and I'm about to start the Musician's Story. Meanwhile in story mode, the Writer is about to sit down and begin writing the Actor's Story after a harrowing return to the lighthouse during which she's made an attempt to reject her earlier pact with the Rat Queen. I know. I tend to do things in weird sequences. I just want to see everything there is to see before I finish.

I love love love the additions and changes to the first game and its DLC, insofar far as I can remember the details of the original. The completionist in me is sad I can't find the Dust Mice sketch or whatever is meant to be behind the pipe on the secretary near the front door, and there may perhaps could possibly might be another whisper object that goes on the upstairs table.

But THAT'S not important. What's important is the story and the creation of the story! This new ending seems like it's missing a cutscene, but I really like that before you walk out the door, you're still surrounded by messages of failure. The intrusive thoughts don't disappear just because you've opened a path to healing. I'm not sure if I liked seeing what was beyond the front door, or maybe I just wasn't pleased with what they chose to put there, especially given what I did after I turned the game off.

For the first time in however many playthroughs since the original game came out, I stopped to examine the origins of the house's design. I came across Steep Park House/Potter's Manor. So many urban explorers have documented and photographed this mansion. Must remind myself to make a full post about it! This place seems to be just one of the inspirations for the couple's house, but an important one, given not just how close the architecture of the house's common areas are mirrored (literally) by the Painter's mansion, but also how many of the basic narrative details of LoF are shared with the former owners of Steep Park House, i.e. the painter who abandoned his home after the death of his wife, leaving behind many portraits of her, himself, unknown subjects, still life, etc., along with countless notebooks, letters, publications, and other possessions that provide clues to the lives they led. Seriously that's all actual circumstance from the real life house. I really want to ask the designers about it since all I can find right now is Reddit speculation about whether it's even the right house. But even green tinge of the wife's diary pages and the font on some of the mail can be found in the photographs of Steep Park. It HAS to have been instrumental in dreaming up the very concept of Layers of Fear. At least I choose to believe it is.

Gonna save the full spread for a Steep Park/Potter's Manor post.

Back to the game, though, the growth of the Rat Queen's role for the 2023 version doesn't sully the universality of the game's allegory like I was worried it might based on some Steam reviews. She remains a symbol of the despair that accompanies memories of trauma, and explicitly making a pact with her seems to me to be a commitment to using that despair as a wellspring for creativity, at the expense of any ability to see truth. The despair will only further twist your memories and warp your perspective. We see all 3 members of the family fall prey to the subjectivity of their memory, even moreso in this version with the addition of voiceovers and I think a few more notes(?). And choice still carries just as much weight in the new game, even with a supernatural force pulling strings from behind the curtain. One heartbreaking thing the Rat Queen has said this time around was that the Daughter was "mine from the moment of her birth." Wow. I went straight for the True Ending, so that statement did turn out to be true for me, but what of the Forgiveness and Resentment endings? Do those also necessarily reflect a Daughter trapped in the Rat Queen's grasp? Are these messages from the Rat Queen, (which I presume are spoken to the Writer,) set in stone? Are they reliable? Are they true? So many implications. One of which is:

What will happen to the Writer??

Will she have multiple endings like the others? Will she be able to break her pact with the Rat Queen? And will that depend upon the outcomes of the other stories along with which collectibles I found during her scenes in the lighthouse? That might be a problem because I am just scooping up everything and devouring every bit of lore my cursor passes across.

Other questions:

Have any works of art been added to/subtracted from the family's portion of the game? I want to do a symbolic analysis of all the real works within the context of the timing of each painting's appearance during gameplay. I know that's a huge task with what, 38 works? But that's a future post and it's why I made a whole separate blog for this in the first place. To be honest I'm shocked that I haven't found anything like this online in the 7 years since the original Layers of Fear when there are a million channels dedicated just to deconstructing the lore of one Zelda game, (which I also love.)

Are there any easter eggs in the family's stories? It's been fun to read real critiques of the first game planted all over the lighthouse, but I wonder if anything like the lemons or the ouija board event are going to pop up in this.

Is the Musician more culpable than I thought? I also went back and did the Dad ending in Inheritance and I don't remember Mom being quite as paranoid or short tempered. It made me see her writings in a new light, and it makes me excited to go through her new story a few times. I must see everythinnnnnnnnngggggggggg.

What does the writer mean by "bring him back" in Chapter 3? Did her son die? Did they have a falling out? Does she believe the Rat Queen or her agency has the power to fix this? Do they?

And then ultimately, is the Rat Queen an invention of the writer? Is her fascination with these stories and the mysteries behind them only leading to flawed adaptations tainted with themes of insanity because she has projected the insecurities of her own fragile mind into the events she's depicting in her books? (Nah)

I dunno I dunno I dunno I dunno I dunno

[citylighten]

💌When you get this, share your 3 favorite screenshots/edits you've made. And your 3 fav edits from other blogs.💌

Alright so three different edits (of mine) I waited until I updated Sink or Swim for that cap. Sink or Swim has a lot of caps that I'm proud of, but I just love the atmosphere with Nico and Pietro between Mendel. The dramatic ceiling fan! I love it! The second is my Bad Habit lyric edit, because I was impressed at how I managed to get the lyrics and aesthetics exactly the way I wanted them to be. Lyric placement isn't always my strong suit. And my third is the Dear Diary soundtrack edit~! I never made a part two to that 😂

As for my favorite edits from other blogssss

The heart of the home by @rebouks

Becca is a big inspiration to me in how she places her dialogue, takes caps, I just love her work and it's influenced mine. But this little video is so incredible and I hate I can't just slap it onto this post. The time progression is so good showing the differences in lighting. The way the room goes from grungey to more aesthetically pleasing. People can do incredible things with this game I swear.

The Visitor by @cinamun

When this was updated I remember thinking, "HOW did she do this!? How did she get this looking so FLAWLESS?!" color is one thing (and it's very on point) but the transparency! The emotions I imagine Ghost Elliot to be having. It's fantastic, and I hope one day I can pull something off like this in an edit.

The moment that changed everything by @digital-deluxe

You know how sometimes you can be reading a book and there's a moment that happens that stays in your head rent-free? This is the simblr story equivalent to that. And if you're like, "woah Xia, woah! That's a spoiler! You can't just drop this on your blog!" I can and I did!! Use it as a reason to read Public Enemies!!