#i made 8 yr old me very happy today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bookgeekgrrl · 4 months

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My media this week (14-20 Jan 2024)

📚 STUFF I READ 📚

Death in Soho (Augusta Peel #1) (Emily Organ, author; Sarah Nichols, narrator) - acceptable cozy mystery set post-WWI. Perfectly cromulent and will probably read another when I'm craving an uncomplicated read. Did appreciate that Miss Peel is middle-aged, not an ingenue/flapper

Ever Since New York (AHM1121) - 94K, shrunkyclunks omegaverse - just a really satisfying omegaverse fic, loved these versions of them

Running on Air (eleventy7) - 74K, drarry - it's 8 yrs post-war, draco's been missing for 3 of them and harry's been assigned the cold case. There's driving and melancholy and eventually sorting out feelings and stuff

💖💖 +199K of shorter fic so shout out to these I really loved 💖💖

Quench (AidaRonan) - MCU: shrunkyclunks, 9K - reread, all time forever fave with possibly my fave description of thick steve: 'built like a mack truck made out of ribeye' (all the simile action in this fic is fantastic tbh)

This Light-Struck Country (TentacleParty) - The Witcher: eskel/oc (monster), 18K - some truly quality monsterfucking

sunrise supplications (liadan14) - The Old Guard: kaysanova, 12K - great modern AU enemies-to-lovers with a very clever spin on joe & nicky's canonical meeting

Slow Boat to China (Penguinjava) - A Charm of Magpies series (KJ Charles): Merrick & Lucien, 7K - wonderful vignette of the boat trip to china after lucien's horrible father banished them & the foundation of their relationship

📺 STUFF I WATCHED 📺

Brooklyn Nine-Nine - s8, e1-4

Dirty Laundry - s3, e10

D20: Fantasy High: Junior Year - "Summer Breakdown" (s21, e2)

D20: Adventuring Party - "Fs Get Defgrees" (s16, e2)

Mrs Sidhu Investigates - s1, e1-4

🎧 PODCASTS 🎧

⭐ Desert Island Discs - Greta Gerwig, writer and director

What Next: TBD - Is Your Car Tracking You?

Ologies with Alie Ward - Carcinology (CRABS) Part 1 with Adam Wall

Pop Culture Happy Hour - Our Emmys Recap

Switched on Pop - Soundalikes: Lil Nas X and Ariana Grande

⭐ The Sporkful - The Hidden Battle Over Grocery Store Shelves

99% Invisible #566 - Imitation Nation

Code Switch - The women who masterminded the Montgomery Bus Boycott

⭐ Films To Be Buried With - Joel Kim Booster

Just One Thing - Take Vitamin D

NPR's Book of the Day - 'The Golden Screen' chronicles the films that shaped the Asian American diaspora

Vibe Check - Wesley Morris, or Wesley Snipes?

Welcome to Night Vale - Bonus Ep: Riddle Guy

NPR's Book of the Day - 'The Frozen River' tells the fictionalized story of a real 18th century midwife

Sara & Cariad's Weirdos Book Club - Monsters: A Fan's Dilemma by Claire Dederer with Winnie M Li

Today, Explained - How the war in Gaza ends

99% Invisible - Power Broker #01: Robert Caro

Dear Prudence - I Spend Hours a Day Having Intense Romantic Daydreams. Help!

Endless Thread - Where's the Beef?

What Next: TBD - The Great British Library Hack

It's Been a Minute - The political power of white Evangelicals; plus, Biden and the Black church

Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly - When Bad Commercials Become Cult Classics

Wait Wait… Don't Tell Me! - David Oyelowo

You're Dead to Me - The Bloomsbury Group

🎶 MUSIC 🎶

The Definitive Croce

Classic Bedtime Favorites

Presenting Lionel Richie

'80s Pop Party

Green Day

Presenting Gordon Lightfoot

Presenting Steely Dan

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vickiabelson · 2 years

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Loren Gold

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Loren Gold Live on Game Changers With Vicki Abelson

Sitting down with Loren Gold, keyboardist for The Who, and Chicago, both, currently (WHAT!), not to mention a close treasured friend, was win, win, win. Such easy fun.

In the coming days, Loren will be out with both bands. Talk about a bounty of riches. Deserved. We talked about how this craziness came to be, from auditioning for Roger Daltry in 2009, and then, after 3 years of touring with him, being invited to join The Who. Great stories here. Seeing Loren with them at The Hollywood Bowl at the end of 2019, was arguably the best, or at the very least, one of the greatest concerts I’ve ever been lucky enough to see made better still because of Loren. COVID wreaked havoc with both those gigs, only to find it created an opening with Chicago. That whole journey was great to hear.

From 6 yr old Loren, forced to take piano lessons, to 15 yr old Loren, knowing that was all he wanted to do, high school bands and day jobs to touring with Tiffany, Hilary Duff at the height of her fame, becoming her musical director, then in kind for Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Hicks, opening for Kelly Clarkson, and The Doobie Brothers to name but two. All roads leading… to The Who. Who knew!

A pop culture junkie, he still thrills meeting his musical and television heroes and seems to become best friends with all of them. Only knowing Loren for 3 1/2 years, it’s easy to see why. I already count him as one of my nearest and dearest.

Insanely talented, he treated us to a couple of musical interludes, great stories, and to his fab company. I love Loren, and by the outpouring of messages from his fans and fan clubs (plural), I’m not alone. If you’re a Loren, Chicago, or Who fan, and who isn’t, check your local listings, he’ll be here, there, and everywhere. I wait with bated breath for his return with The Who, to the Bowl on November 1st. Hope I’ll see some of you there.

Loren Gold Live on Game Changers With Vicki Abelson

Wednesday, 8/17/22, 5 pm PT, 8 pm ET

Streamed Live on my Facebook

Replay here:

All BROADcasts, as podcasts, also available on

iTunes apple.co/2dj8ld3

Stitcher bit.ly/2h3R1fla

tunein bit.ly/2gGeItj

Also on iHeartRadio, SoundCloud, Voox, OwlTail, Backtracks, PlayerFM, Himalaya, Podchaser, and Listen Notes

Thanks to Rick Smolke of Quik Impressions, the best printers, printing, the best people people-ing. quikimpressions.com

Nicole Venables of Ruby Begonia Hair Studio Beauty and Products, for the best tressed. http://www.rubybegoniahairstudio.com/

And, Blue Microphones

Today, Live! Loren Gold, keyboardist for The Who and Chicago, both, currently! Talk about a bounty of riches. Deserved!

I’ve been blessed to sit down with old friends and new, not oft with one thisclose. Always crazy fun, on the mic and off. I met Loren Gold at NAMM only 3 1/2 yrs ago, heard him do a short set, and pounced. Since then, he’s played the living room multiple times, backing up both Anson Williams and Donny Most, for two - Happy Days! We’ve sat down, and run around, and he’s just one of those people who make it easy to connect and bond.

Quintessential Loren… seeing him man the keyboards and backup vocals for The Who at the Hollywood Bowl in October ’19 just before the crazy started. Arguably the greatest concert I’ve yet to see… and that’s saying a bit of something something. Loren’s been with The Who since 2012 and has played with Roger Daltrey since 2009. We could stop right there... but no… Loren’s toured and performed with Kenny Loggins, and Mandy Moore, and opened for Kelly Clarkson, and The Doobie Brothers, to name some. Loren joined Chicago this year, and has served as musical director for Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Hilary Duff, and American Idol winner, Taylor Hicks. He’s played keyboards for America’s Got Talent and Dancing With The Stars, and has appeared on pretty much every major talk show. He's not only got my attention but my kid’s too, which happens, almost never. Above all now, he's become a treasured friend - can’t wait to dig in… and, there’ll be music… of the very best kind.

Loren Gold Live on Game Changers With Vicki Abelson

Wednesday, 8/17/22, 5 pm PT, 8 pm ET

Streaming Live on my Facebook

Daily by Toni Vincent & @peter_and_paul_ Cartoons

#LorenGold, #TheWho, #RogerDaltrey,#Chicago, #Keyboardist, #DemiLovato, #EltonJohn, #Billy Joel, #PaulMcCartney, #EricMcCormack, #KellyClarkson, #Keyboard, #Keys, #RockNRoll, #Piano, #Pianist, #Muscian, #GameChangersWithVickiAbelson, #VickiAbelson, #GameChangers, #podcast, #inspirationalpodcast, #Celebrity, #FacebookLive, #Talkshow #Chat #Live #pandemic, #comedy, #music, #talk, #recap, #community, #caring, #sharing, #streaminglive

Today my sweet, talented friend-current keyboardist with #TheWho & #Chicago @LorenGold! #KennyLoggins #SelenaGomez #DemoLovato #DoobieBrothers - we’ve sat down & run around, can't wait to dig in- they'll be music! #GameChangersWithVickiAbelson Live @5 PT http://bit.ly/2y47ZCi

Wednesday, Live! Loren Gold, keyboardist for The Who and Chicago, both, currently! Talk about a bounty of riches. Deserved!

Loren Gold Live on Game Changers With Vicki Abelson

Wednesday, 8/17/22, 5 pm PT, 8 pm ET

Streaming Live on my Facebook

All BROADcasts, as podcasts, also available on

iTunes apple.co/2dj8ld3

Stitcher bit.ly/2h3R1fla

tunein bit.ly/2gGeItj

Also on iHeartRadio, SoundCloud, Voox, OwlTail, Backtracks, PlayerFM, Himalaya, Podchaser, and Listen Notes

Thanks to Rick Smolke of Quik Impressions, the best printers, printing, the best people people-ing. quikimpressions.com

Nicole Venables of Ruby Begonia Hair Studio Beauty and Products, for the best tressed. http://www.rubybegoniahairstudio.com/

And, Blue Microphones

Banner by DJ Markuson

Weekday Daily by Toni Vincent & @peter_and_paul_ Cartoons

Sat down with @LorenGold keyboardist #TheWho who also toured with #KennyLoggins #HillaryDuff #TaylorHicks - talked about them all -great stories #RogerDaltry #PeteTownsend & he played! Fab! #GameChangersWithVickiAbelson

Replay: https://bit.ly/3k3Hxjo

So great to be Live with keyboardist/vocalist for The Who, and now, treasured friend, Loren Gold. Loren's played the living room multiple times, backing up both Anson Williams and Donny Most, for two - Happy Days! Not sure I know anyone who appreciates 70s and 80s TV more than Loren. We’ve sat down, and run around, it's always fun. Quintessential Loren… seeing him man the keyboards and backup vocals for The Who at the Hollywood Bowl last October, arguably the greatest concert I’ve yet to see… and that’s saying something. Loren’s been with The Who since 2012 and has played with Roger Daltrey since 2009. Ridiculously accomplished, talented, humble, Loren grew up in Palo Alto with older siblings and music-loving dad who turned him on to The Beatles, The Stones, and The Who, foreshadowing his inevitable future. From a High School band to LA clubs, working as a messenger by day, Loren paid his dues with diligence and focus. Once the great gigs started, he parlayed one into the next… from Hilary Duff to Taylor Hicks to Roger Daltrey to The Who. That’s just crazy right there. So many sweet stories. And, he played. Some Beatles, Queen, originals, and, sigh, The Who. He currently splits his time with The Who and playing with Rita Wilson. An easy-going sweetheart with crazy talent, he's modeling safe entry back to living for this COVID crazy. Always love every moment in his good company.

Loren Gold Live on Game Changers with Vicki Abelson Wed, 9/9/20, 5 pm PT, 8 pm ET Live on The Facebook

Replay here:

All BROADcasts, as podcasts, also available on

iTunes apple.co/2dj8ld3

Stitcher bit.ly/2h3R1fl

tunein bit.ly/2gGeItj

YouTube https://bit.ly/2F68VyF

Thanks to Rick Smolke of Quik Impressions, the best printers, printing, the best people people-ing. quikimpressions.com

Nicole Venables of Ruby Begonia Hair Studio Beauty and Products, for tresses like the stars she coifs, and regular peoples, like me. I love my hair, and I love Nicole. http://www.rubybegoniahairstudio.com/

Blue Microphones and Kevin Walt

Peter And Paul Cartoons.

keyboardist for at NAMM a couple ago, heard him do a short set, and pounced. Since then, he’s played the living room multiple times, backing up both Anson Williams and Donny Most, for two - Happy Days! We’ve sat down, and run around. Always fun. Quintessential Loren… seeing him man the keyboards and backup vocals for The Who at the Hollywood Bowl last October, arguably the greatest concert I’ve yet to see… and that’s saying a bit of somethin somethin. Loren’s been with The Who since 2012 and has played with Roger Daltrey since 2009. We could stop right there... but no… Loren’s toured with Kenny Loggins, Kelly Clarkson, Chicago, and The Doobie Brothers, to name some, and has served as musical director for Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Hilary Duff, and American Idol winner, Taylor Hicks. He’s played keyboards for America’s Got Talent and Dancing With The Stars, and has appeared on pretty much every major talk show. He's not only got my attention but my kid’s too, which happens, almost never. Above all now, he's become a treasured friend - can’t wait to dig in… and, there’ll be music… of the very best kind.

Loren Gold Live on Game Changers with Vicki Abelson Wed, 9/9/20, 5 pm PT, 8 pm ET Live on The Facebook http://bit.ly/2y47ZCi

All BROADcasts, as podcasts, also available on

iTunes apple.co/2dj8ld3

Stitcher bit.ly/2h3R1fl

tunein bit.ly/2gGeItj

Thanks to Rick Smolke of Quik Impressions, the best printers, printing, the best people people-ing. quikimpressions.com

Blue Microphones and Kevin Walt

Peter And Paul Cartoons.

Weekday Daily by Toni Vincent & @peter_and_paul_ Cartoons

Today, Live @5 pm PT! @LorenGold keyboardist #TheWho also toured with #KennyLoggins #KellyClarkson #Chicago, #TheDoobieBrothers - we’ve sat down & run around, can't wait to dig in- they'll be music! #GameChangersWithVickiAbelson http://bit.ly/2y47ZCi

I met Loren Gold at NAMM a couple ago, heard him do a short set, and pounced. Since then, he’s played the living room multiple times, backing up both Anson Williams and Donny Most, for two - Happy Days! We’ve sat down, and run around. Always fun. Quintessential Loren… seeing him man the keyboards and backup vocals for The Who at the Hollywood Bowl last October, arguably the greatest concert I’ve yet to see… and that’s saying a bit of something something. Loren’s been with The Who since 2012 and has played with Roger Daltrey since 2009. We could stop right there... but no… Loren’s toured with Kenny Loggins, Kelly Clarkson, Chicago, and The Doobie Brothers, to name some, and has served as musical director for Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Hilary Duff, and American Idol winner, Taylor Hicks. He’s played keyboards for America’s Got Talent and Dancing With The Stars, and has appeared on pretty much every major talk show. He's not only got my attention but my kid’s too, which happens, almost never. Above all now, he's become a treasured friend - can’t wait to dig in… and, there’ll be music… of the very best kind.

Loren Gold Live on Game Changers with Vicki Abelson,

Wed, 9/9/20, 5 pm PT, 8 pm ET

Live on The Facebook

All BROADcasts, as podcasts, also available on

iTunes apple.co/2dj8ld3

Stitcher bit.ly/2h3R1fl

tunein bit.ly/2gGeItj

Thanks to Rick Smolke of Quik Impressions, the best printers, printing, the best people people-ing. quikimpressions.com

Blue Microphones and Kevin Walt

Peter And Paul Cartoons.

Banner by D.J. Markuson

0 notes

nctsplug02 · 3 years

Note

Can I request dad!johnny? he cheated with y/n so they broke up and 3 yrs later he saw y/n with their son (y/n a single mom) but johnny isnt still aware of it that it’s his kid? Angst-fluff maybe? Thank you!

get your popcorns ready, this is gonna be a long story.

genre: angst, fluff

—

You and your son were waiting in line for some ice cream, he heard the ice cream truck and asked to get some, of course you agreed since it was so hot outside. “Hello,” you greeted the man in the ice cream truck. “Hi, what can I get for you today?” He asks and you hum. “I think I’ll get vanilla. What do you want, baby?” You ask your three year old. “Can I get the brown one?”

The man chuckles and nods before heading back into his truck to get the ice creams. “Okay, here you two are! It’ll be five bucks.” You hand the man a five dollar bill before bidding your goodbyes.

“Y/n?” You turn your head to the direction where your name was called. “Oh, Mark? Taeil?” You’re shocked to see your olds friends standing in line, waiting to order their ice creams. “So it is you! Hyung, you owe me twenty bucks,” Taeil rolls his eyes at the youngster and nods.

“Anyways, how’ve you been? It’s been so long!” The young boy cheers. “I’ve—,” you feel your dress get tugged on. “Mommy, who are they?” Your son asks, hiding behind you. “These.. um,” you look back at Mark and taeil. “They are my friends from a long time ago.” You smile at the two men in front of you.

“Wait, your a mom now? Wow!” Mark covers his mouth in shock. “Mark, youre too loud.” Taeil tells him, Mark apologizes and lowers his voice. “Uh, yeah.. I’m a mom now.” Mark crouches down and holds a fit out to your son. “Hi, buddy! I’m mark!” Your son tilts to the side to look at Mark. He looks up at you who just smiles down at him. “I’m Sungchan.” Your son quietly introduces himself and hi-fives Marks fist.

“Nice to meet you, sungchan.” Mark giggles at the three year olds shyness. “Where are you guys off to?” Taeil asks while Mark tried to start a conversation with the three year old. “Just back to the park, what about you guys?” You point to the park that had no people. “Well, we came here to get some ice cream for us and the others, so we’re headed back.. over there.”

He points to a place behind the cars that were all parked and lined up. “Oh, who’s all over there with you guys? Maybe I’ll come with and say hello to them.” You smile at him, thinking about the others that you hadn’t seen either. “Well, there’s taeyong, Jeno, yuta, Doyoung, and Johnny.” He lists them out, you pause at the last name.

“O—oh, um, actually I think me and Sungchan are just gonna head home after this.” You hug Sungchan to your leg. “Oh, well. Here, how about we swap numbers so you can come over tonight? I mean, we are throwing a little party.” You think about it, what could go wrong with reuniting with some old friends?

“Sure! I mean, it’s been years since we’ve all talked and seen each other, so why not?” He laughs a little and pulls his phone out. You and him swap numbers before you and Sungchan left home.

Mark and Taeil walk back to the little group with ice cream cones in their hands. “Okay, take your ice creams! Me and Taeil have to tell you guys who we just met.” They all take their ice cream and wait for Mark to continue.

“We bumped into y/n at the ice cream truck, she looks better than ever!” Mark announces with a giggle.

——

Later that night, Taeil had texted you, telling you to come over for a bit. You got worried and asked if you could bring Sungchan, he said yes and that he didn’t mind.

You got Sungchan out of the car and knocked on the door. The door swings open and you see Mark at the door. “Aye! You actually came!” He gasps when he sees the three year old standing besides you. “Ahh! Sungchan!” He giggles and starts to jump. “Hi, Mark.” You giggle at how excited he was to see your son.

Mark shuts the door after letting the two of you in. “Are you hungry? Yeah, okay. Why don’t you go play with uncle Mark while mommy grabs you some food, yeah?” Your son nods and looks up at Mark. “Let’s go!” Sungchan grabs Marks hand and allows Mark to take him to the basement.

You sigh and start looking around for the kitchen. “Oh,” you find the kitchen filled with food that they had just barbecued. You hum and start looking for plates, paper plates are sitting on the counter which you grabbed. You filled with plate up with some chicken and rice. You reheat the cold food and while waiting a voice scares you.

“Y/n?” Oh, you knew that voice, you knew it well.

You turned around to see your ex lover standing in shock by the door frame. “Johnny, hi.” You inhale sharply. “Is.. is that your kid?” He points behind him.

- few moments ago -

Johnny sighs and opens the bathroom door. “Yo! Watch out, man!” Mark yells and pushes the tall man back into the bathroom. “Woah, who’s kid is that?” Johnny asks pointing to the three year old.

“Mhm.” You nod confirming his question. “Oh, well, how’ve you been—?”

beep, beep, beep.

The microwave saves the awkward moment. “I’ve been good, how about you?” You grab the food out of the microwave. “I’ve been.. good too.” He nods and tucks his hands in his pockets. “That’s good. Can you show me where the basement is?” He nods and gestures you to follow him.

Entering the basement, you could see your son playing with Mark. “Oh, my god! Y/n? It’s been so long!” Jungwoo gasps and sits up, running over to you and hugging you. “Hi Jungwoo!” You giggle and pst his back as he swayed you back and forth. “Gosh! So that baby must be yours, huh?” You nod and scrunch your face up. “Okay, well I see you have a plate of food so, go on.”

You walk over to Mark and Sungchan who are playing with some action figures. “Channie, come eat food.” You sit down and place the plate down. “Okay, mommy.” He crawls over to you and sits in front of you. “Here, ahh.” You open your mouth and so does he. “Omm, nom nom nom.” Your son giggles at your food noises.

——

After feeding your son, your son got tired and wanted to go home. “Hey guys, me and Sungchan are gonna head home. He’s getting really tired and cranky.” The guys frown and whine, not wanting you to leave just yet. “I’ll see you guys next time, okay?” Mark walks you to your car with Sungchan in his arms.

“Okay, bye y/n. Drive safe, alright?” You giggle and nod. “I’m not that bad of a driver, Mark. But yes, don’t worry. Goodnight Mark, don’t drink too much.” He laughs and nods. “Okay, mom,” he jokes, “goodbye channie, see you soon! Bye buddy!” He waves the little boy off before running back inside as you drove off.

——

For days your son had begged you nonstop if he could spend the night at Marks, and honestly, you didn’t know if Mark would be up for it or if he would be able to take care of your three year old. “Okay, I’ll call uncle Mark to see if he lets, okay?” The three year old cheers and nods.

You pick up your phone and start calling Mark.

“Hey, what’s up y/n?” The man sounded so lively. “Hi Mark, can I ask you something?” The boy nods and hums. “Okay, so lately Sungchan had been asking and begging for me to let him sleep at your place, so is it alright if Sungchan sleeps at your place? For like, a day?”

The man on the other line freaks. “Dude, of course! Send me your address I’ll come pick him up.” You giggle at his excitement, him and Sungchan are growing up as best friends. “Alright, ill send it.” The other line goes silent, bitch hung up.

“Channie! Go get ready! Uncle Mark is coming to pick you up!” The little boy cheers and runs into his room, quickly packing some of his toys and some clothes.

“Im ready, mommy!” He says with his backpack on and his shoes on the wrong way. “Good job, baby! Let’s go wait for uncle Mark outside, yeah?” He nods and runs towards the front door.

You and him are outside, youre sitting on the steps while he sat next to you. “It’s a pretty day, isn’t it?” Your son nods and looks at the flowers that were planted by the big tree in front of your house, it had a swing on it from your childhood.

A car pulls up and you grab Sungchan hand. “Oh, it’s uncle mark.” You let his hand go as he slowly walks down the stairs and then runs to his uncle. “Uncle Mark!” He jumps into the mans arms and makes the older man giggle. “Hey buddy!” He lifts up the three year old and looks over at you, who is walking towards them.

“Hey Mark, take good care of my baby, okay? He’s the only one I’m having.” Mark and you laugh, but soon after he nods. “Hey y/n?” You look in the car to see Johnny sitting in the passenger seat. “Oh, hey Johnny, didn’t see you.” He slightly laughs and then looks back in his lap. “Alright, ready to go, buddy?” The three year old nods.

“You go and be good, okay? If someone tells me you were being a bad boy, then you don’t get to go back to uncle Marks, got it?” The little on nods. “Okay, give mommy a kiss.” You turn your head and point to your cheek. You pull away when you feel his little lips press against it. “Okay, bye bye, baby.” You ruffle his hair. “Bye mommy!”

——

Later that night, you had ran to that store for some food and bumped into someone very attractive. You and him swapped numbers and starts going on dates after that. While on those dates, Mark would babysit for you, you offered to pay him for every time he watch your son but he didn’t accept it.

Tonight was a rainy night, you and jaehyun couldn’t go on a date so you both decided to stay in with Sungchan.

- a little recap of their night -

“Happy 8 month anniversary, babe.” Jaehyun says and clinks his wine glass with yours. “Happy 8 months, baby.” You take a small swig. “Mommy, happy happy day.” Sungchan holds up his cup of apple juice. “Aww, happy happy day, baby.” You giggled and clinked your cup with his.

——

It was so late and the rain made the three of you guys so sleepy, so the three of you ended up sleeping early.

A sudden faint knock could be heard from the living room. You sit up frantically, another knock. “Who the f.. it’s so late..” you groan and get out of bed, making your way down to the front door with a bat in your hand.

“Johnny?” You see Johnny standing in front of your door all soaked, he looked.. intoxicated. “Y/n..” he slurred and wobbled, he couldn’t even hold himself up. “Johnny, it’s late, what are you doing in front of my door at this time?” He laughs but it sounded broken. “I.. I miss you so much..”

he was just drunk talking, you said to yourself.

“Johnny, should I call Mark—?” He quickly shakes his head. “No, please don’t. If you do then he’ll yell at me.” You sigh, the cold breeze making your legs shiver. “I just miss you so much, I miss holding you at night, I miss the way you kissed me, please just take me back—“ you stopped his rambling, his drunk rambling.

“No, johnny, you don’t get to do this! I’ve finally healed after 4 years of our break up. I was so heartbroken that you cheated on me with some random chick from the bar. I was so hurt that you hid it from me and that I had to find out from Renjun and Chenle. This ain’t fair, johnny!” He laughs and nods. “He’s my son, isn’t he?” Great, a new topic.

“So what if he is? It doesn’t matter anymore, you were never in the picture anyway so why does it matter?” He looks up at you. “He’s my son—“ you shake your head. “No he isn’t, he isn’t. He may have your blood but he isn’t your son.” Silence took over, all that could be heard was the raining showering. “Just leave, please? I don’t want to ever see you again.” He steps closer with tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Y/n, please let’s just talk—“ the door opens wider. “She said to leave.” Johnny looks at the man besides you and then back at you. “Alright, I’m sorry..” Johnny turns back around and walks out of your property.

Jaehyun closes the door shut and is immediately taken into your embrace. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He shakes his hand and taps on your thigh, telling you to jump, so you do. “It’s okay, let’s just go back to bed.” He says carrying you back up to your room.

————

a/n: i got really tired and confused at the end. hopefully you can see where i ran out of words and ideas for this story. and by confused i mean like, not knowing anymore words, not knowing what to write and etc. hopefully i can fix this and make it better because it isn’t really that good. I’ll try my best next time! :)

#johnny angst #nct johnny #johnny seo #johnny suh #johnny smut #nct dad au #nct x reader #nct angst #nct fluff #nct smut #nct scenarios #nct 127 #nct imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #kpop imagines #kpop smut #kpop angst

656 notes · View notes

nightswithkookmin · 2 years

Text

BREAKING NEWS

Oh so he's not gay??🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Kpop fans are hilarious

Hello. This is 2PM’s Chansung.

The cold winter season is already here. I began activities when I was 17, and 15 years have passed already. A lot has happened, and there have been many memories. I express endless gratitude to HOTTEST who have created valuable memories. Today, I am telling you about changes and happiness in my life.

There is someone who I have been in a relationship with for a long time. This person has been the resting place for my unstable heart and a friend who I can share anything with for a long time, and she became my girlfriend. While preparing and planning marriage with this person after my military discharge, the blessing of a new life came to us earlier than expected, and we are planning to get married as early as the beginning of next year. We are very cautious as she is in the early stage of her pregnancy, but I am sharing this news as I thought that I should tell you first.

My partner on this road to creating a new family does not have the same job as me, so I ask for your generous understanding for not revealing her.

In addition, my contract with JYP Entertainment, which I have been with for 15 years, ends in January. I went through much discussion with the company regarding my thought to go down my own path along with the addition of my new family that I will continue life with, and we came to the mutual discussion to not renew my contract. The decision was made through communication with my future as the priority, and the company willingly gave blessings for my bright future. The company is my root and like an old friend, and we will always support each other’s growth. My definite path has not been decided yet, but I will share plans that won’t cause concern to fans.

As I relayed so much information today, I am concerned and worried about how our HOTTEST will feel at the sudden news. I will work hard as I am right now in the near future in order to impress as 2PM’s youngest member Chansung and actor Hwang Chansung.

Thank you.

I love this so much. Can't explain why.

But look at how this man prioritizes the safety of his wife and kid he actually IS admonishing fans to KEEP THE IDENTITY OF HIS WIFE TO BE A SECRET because she is not in the same industry and he intends yo shield her from the cuckoo toxicity of the fandom.

Imagine his frustration if her identity were to be leaked by saessangs... cough Tae cough. I wonder if, with her safety as his priority, he would risk posting her and blurring out her face in photos as code to his fans on his IG🤔

It reminded me so much of our conversation on Namjoon's alleged boyfriend and whether or not showing him off was more important to him and took precedence over him protecting this person or even hiding his sexuality.

Kpop idols are supposed to keep a facade and create the impression they are single, straight and available at all times. The moment that is not the case either because you are gay or married or have a gf you might be kicked out of your group due to fan backlash.

We've seen it happen over and over again with hyuna and dawn etc

I mean why does this 31 yr old man feel a need to start a solo career and leave his company just because he has wife and kid on the way?

It's probably for the best but still.

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Oh and I found an image he posted blurred with the same heart emoji namjoon used but Yall pls that's not his girlfriend 😫

I mean his group even were the most popular amongst the gays😫😫😫😫

Well they beat the gay allegations 🤣🤣🤣

Y'all get the point I'm making?? We rush with the G-word too early in this fandom 😫

GOLDY

#Instagram

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trevor-wilson-covington · 3 years

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What could have been...

//Saw that the site I use to make mood boards has a CD Cover option and thought it would be fun to do Sunset Curve’s Demo and Unreleased Songs (+Home Is Where My Horse Is) as they would look as singles!!! I may make CD Covers for the other 13 songs in the show...if people end up really liking these ones and if inspiration strikes!

**Gave an idea of what I think the other 7 songs would be about/why they were written (said what we know Unsaid Emily, Now or Never, and Home Is Where My Horse Is are about already of course too)!!

1. Unsaid Emily: Is of course about Luke’s rough relationship with his mom, which was never resolved before his death. It touches on how he knew he should have turned around and come back home but his pride stopped him. All the conversations he had created in his head about what they would say to each other when he finally saw her again stayed that way, thoughts in his head. Wondering if he had been able to say the right things to his mom or made up with her before dying, would time not have erased the memory of him?

2. Get Lost: I believe it is about the feeling of restlessness and wanting to just take off on an adventure somewhere new or unique. Similar to how Luke finds sleeves (zleeves) restricting, this song is about how life can feel suffocating sometimes and all you want to do is grab a bag of essentials and walk in the mist/ride off into the night to a freer life.

3. Long Weekend: Is about the band’s friendship/brotherhood/sense of found family and how over many weekends they find themselves going through a lot of struggles and heartache together. These are the weekends that feel the longest because there is so much the four boys help each other through and many times they find they don’t want the weekend to end so they can spend more non-band time together to just be four stupid teen boys navigating all the twists and turns of life.

4. Crooked Teeth: My thoughts are that it could have been written when he had braces/a retainer in the 90s & was self-conscious of it, so it was written to cheer Reggie up about his braces/retainer & pretty much say "hey, Reggie...people's smiles vary & they're all unique & beautiful"...instead of mocking him, like the show seems to tell us it was written to do.

5. My Name Is Luke: Is a darker, more introspective song about Luke’s struggle with an identity crisis where he feels he’s being pulled in different directions. One side is the Luke who loves his parents and wants to make them happy and have them be proud of him. The other side is the Luke. who is passionate about writing and playing music, who thrives off the feelings and energies of the crowd as they connect with him and his lyrics. Luke finds he can’t be one version of Luke without ultimately giving up the other and trying to do both is exhausting and soul crushing at times. The title is his way of saying ‘Hey, this is my name, it’s who I am, and I can be a loving son my parents can be proud of while also doing what I love and making a difference in the lives of people who listen to my music’. He just wishes his parents could come to understand that he loves music and he’s really good at it, so why can’t he continue doing it and make them proud at the same time.

6. Now or Never: Is, as we know, about Sunset Curve’s rise to fame and how they can dream as though they’ll never die but they’re going to live their life as though today could be their last day alive. They aren’t looking to the future, because all they need are each other and the energy that is coursing through their bodies in the present. They hear a voice in their heads saying you only have this one life, so make the most of it so when you die you’ll have had no regrets about the things you did or didn’t do. This is their time to shine and even when their lives were bleak or lacking, their days were still the best of their lives because they were making music and gradually making a name for themselves doing so.

Weaved in are of course lyrics that seem to foreshadow their 3 deaths with the mention of shock to their hearts (the defibrillators used to try to keep them alive in the alley or ambulance), clocks moving forward but they don’t get older (how for 25 yrs they were in limbo and didn’t age and are now 17-year-old ghosts in 2020), how they kept on climbing 'til their stars collided (floated up out of the ambulance to the dark place until crashing into Julie’s life (she’s a star as Luke says)), and how all that they left in the past was just the just the key to paradise (all the things they left behind once they died were just ‘stepping stones’ to the ‘paradise’ of heaven for most people or in the boy’s case the path to Julie and playing music again).

7. Late Last Night: Is about the late nights the four boys spent out at clubs/venues leading up to the Orpheum, gigs that helped them gain a decent following, and all the crazy things they saw and did. 17-year-olds out late partying, possibly drinking, on school nights. A higher energy song, similar to Now or Never to match the antics of a bunch of teens practically let loose on the music/club scene during the band’s rise in the Hollywood/LA music scene in ‘93/’94/’95. It evokes the feelings of being wild and reckless as a teen, while also somehow capturing the energy of the nighttime as you move from the crowded main strip into residential areas and how quick and jarring the change can be.

8. Lakeside Reflection: This is a tough one, but I think it would be about the individual experiences most or all of the boys have from going to lakes during summer with their families. There’s of course all the fun time spent with family, but in the reflection on the lake of those moments the boys only see the truth of their family dynamics, what was hidden behind a pleasant façade.

For Luke, it was the strained relationship and fights with his mom over the band and his dreams.

For Alex, it was the looks and offhanded comments made by his parents and the looks of sympathy from his sister, ever since he told them he was gay.

For Reggie, it was the nights spent keeping his brother and sister distracted as the walls practically shook from the volume and intensity of his parents’ almost daily fights.

And for Bobby, it was the truth that he kept up a façade even with the boys so they wouldn’t know that his family, that the others always believed to be perfect, wasn’t perfect at all. When rarely he saw his parents and they weren’t off on business trips or working late into the night, Bobby found them to be disinterested in his life and any affection or love was relegated to a pat on the back or a quick hand held before they rushed out the door once more.

The happy summer vibes at the lake could never truly make any of the boys forget their truths, but at least they could let loose for the extent of their trips and finally feel like a carefree teen again.

9. In Your Starlight: This would seem to be a certain kind of love song at first glance and for some people that’s what it may be, but to me it is a very specific kind of love song. This love song is about relationships each of the boys had, the very few of them, that didn’t turn out well for some reason or another. A passion for music overshadowing the passion to keep a relationship going. The fear of long-term commitment and a short-lived bliss, before the fighting starts, ending the relationship before it ever grew deeper. The smothering of a fire in the soul so outsiders can’t see one trace of its flicker, hidden behind a lie, in case they find out the truth and react with disgust or hatred. Or the overly flirtatious and, at times, clingy antics used to get a person interested in starting a relationship. To keep them invested in the relationship, in an effort to make sure they won’t leave out of boredom or for someone better. This song is from the perspective of those other people, how they saw the relationship, no matter the length, and what they see as the thing that ended it or kept it from growing stronger. How they all in some way felt like they were pulled in by light of each of the boys (the stars) and things were good at first, before the cracks started to appear and reality truly set in.

10. Home Is Where My Horse Is: It’s an expression of where and whom Reggie calls home. The horse had never really stood for an actual horse, but rather it represented Luke, Alex, and Bobby. The people Reggie considered his family, his home, more than he ever would the house he had grown up in. Horses symbolize freedom without restraint, because riding a horse makes people feel they can free themselves from their own bindings. There is no constraining a horse when it runs with the wind, but they also enjoy the company of family and friends. Reggie wants freedom from the stuff with his parents and his own personal demons that keep him held back. He finds with the band, his real family, he can run free and be himself...enjoying being around the boys and not having to worry about fighting and drama. His home is where he (the horse) is... able to be its true self and go where the wind takes it.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp #sunset curve #jatp fanart #jatp meta sort of #luke patterson #alex mercer #reggie peters #bobby wilson

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rotten-pain · 2 years

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Hyperfixations and special interests as they apply to me; a person with both ADHD-C and autism.

Hyperfixations:

I'm not sure if I've experienced hyperfixations specifically, I hear they can take over so much of ur focus that u forget about ur own needs. They tend to be short lived, a few days to a month or so. I don't think I've experienced this much?

Unless I take away the whole interest aspect, then hyperfixation is when I get deeply invested in doing something, especially after a long episode of executive dysfunction preventing me from having hobbies. Today I've been hyperfixating on sewing, bc I want to make a bat plush. It started out with me attempting to make a pattern, realizing I need to relearn how patterns work, then spiraling into that and listening to/watching sewing videos for a few hours. I'm making mashed sweet potato now tho cuz all that was interrupted for me to do chores, which I continued watching sewing videos, then it transitioned into a plaster mold sculpture video?

Special Interests:

I ain't a huge fan of the term, so I shorten it to "spin" in my tags.

I've heard that special interests, like hyperfixations, are intense all-encompassing interests, sometimes described as becoming a whole part of ur personality like I am pretty well known for bein bonkers about rats, they make me extremely happy and I love learning about them and interacting with them. I think rats are rooted in my childhood interest of animals as a whole, which started with zaboomafu followed by wild krattz and included many other kids cartoons, which also includes my interest in cartoons! I dislike watching much else besides kids cartoons. Following the topic of cartoons; when I was 9 I discovered MLP:FiM and it became a very strong hyperfixation as well as an 8 yr and counting special interest, where at the time I refused to let my family watch anything but my little pony until I'd reach the maximum amt of episodes released at the time, and then it was a few years before I became invested again and have occasionally rewatched it and at some point I must have caught up with everything I missed in the years following.

I don't think MLP branches out to anything, but returning to the root of cartoons, I was introduced to Steven Universe through my former best friends as an 11 year old, 2 twins who are always late to leave class when my sculpture class fills in. They introduced me to SU: A very queer psychology filled fun little cartoon that starts with wacky adventures and ends in therapy. They had also introduced me to Warriors by Erin Hunter (of course) which reminds me that since I'd learned to read at 7 years old, I'd been both hyperlexic and very invested. In 4th grade I became invested in the unwanteds series, which I only had just finished the 7th book of the first series in HS bc the middle school had not renewed it and I had only read the 1st book in 4th grade. Which also reminds me of my former fixation on that filthy TERF media: HP. I will not elaborate.

Minecraft has made me very happy for many years; I think it started when I was 8 or older and my dad had bought us RC tablets on which he'd paid for MC PE. We were only allowed a 1-2 hrs time limit on them, but me and my 2 sisters would play multi-player creative mode.

When I was 11 or so, mom had a laptop that our former step sibling had downloaded many games on, which I consider my first genuine introduction to gaming. Back to minecraft: they had downloaded minecraft of course. I would sneak moms laptop and phone in the middle of the night, turn on her Hotspot, and play online all night. Then put them away and proceed to stare her down until she woke up from feeling her eyes on her, bc I was a creepy kid.

Speaking of creepy, I also loved scary stuff. I snuck out to watch stuff like the leprechaun in the middle of the night behind my dad's couch, I vividly remember the scene of that thing chewing off a man's ring finger. I remember watching chucky as well, but with my dad's permission, and likely many others that I don't remember. One of my favorite books/series were the "Scary Stories to tell in the Dark" I LOVED the movie too. Fantastic. Goosebumps is ok, my sisters loved it for a bit, but eh it's pretty cheesy. Courage the Cowardly Dog will always be a favorite of mine, the Scooby-Doo series' are pretty rad,

Anyway Both together;

I feel like they've been combined in many cases, I seem to keep interests for many years but they cycle back around. Maybe that's hyperfixations, idk. Like minecraft, I get heavily into it, then get burnt out and move onto something else before coming back to it after whatever amount of time I need.

Rats tho, rats are love. Rats are life. Rats are baby.

anyway infodumping is clearly a need bc that's all I've done all day [exaggerated]

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #adhd #infodump

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massivelycreepypineapple · 4 years

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The Princess And The Soldier

Request: Hi! Can I have angst and tragedy request. Dean x Daughter reader. Dean has two daughters but treat Reader like a soldier while the youngest treat like a princess Dean and reader don't have good relationship.The reader don't mind at all, as she wanted to please her father. Until, the reader and her sibling got kidnapped by demon and Dean will choose who to save. The reader begged Dean to save her little sister instead of her and she let out her feelings towards Dean and said goodbye to them

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Daughter!Reader

A/N: I was in this crazy writing zone and decided to post one more today.

I hope you like this, Anon!

Feedback is welcome as always!

Warning: Angst! A lot of it!

Word Count: 3046

❅ ❅ ❅

If there was one thing you wanted in this whole world, it was to make your dad proud. Nothing else mattered to you as much as that. Even if it meant losing yourself in the process you’d happily do it. Things were great between you and your dad in the beginning. You had wonderful memories of him and your mum taking you to the park and goofing around with you, you’d go camping together and enjoy family time whenever Dean was home from a hunt. Movie nights when uncle Sammy came over were a ball. The house was filled with music and laughter and you felt as if nothing in the world could compare to that or take it away.

That was until your sister was born.

You were only 4 when your mum died giving birth to your sister, Mary. She was attacked by a demon when she was 8 months pregnant and went into early labor. Dean managed to kill the bastard, but he could not save his wife. He watched her die in his arms and with her Dean’s spark died too. A terrible change came over him and no longer was there music or laughter at home. To make matters worse, his attitude towards you began to change and by the time you turned 13, he had completely withdrawn from you, treating you as nothing more than someone to train and feed. He had one job for you - Protect Mary no matter what. Two years later, It had become a mantra that he would repeat after every training session and it eventually replaced all the ‘I love you, sweetheart’.

The only person who seemed to bring even a small bit of happiness was Mary. She was a ball of energy and happiness that somehow managed to bring a bit of light into your home. She reminded you both of your mother and you felt as if a part of her was living through your sister. On the other hand you were more like Dean, something you took great pride in in spite of everything.

Despite the prejudice in your father, you loved Mary dearly. She was your best friend and someone who always managed to make you laugh with her quirks. You were grateful that at least she got to see the loving side of Dean. And that’s exactly what you saw when you walked past Mary’s room one night to get to yours.

“Sleep tight, baby girl” Said Dean softly to her.

“Daddy, what if there are monsters in my closet?” Asked Mary with wide eyes.

“You have nothing to worry about. No one can get you as long as I’m here.” He said kissing her forehead.

“But what if they sneak in?”

“Well, if they do they’ll have to go through me first and guess what?” He said grinning.

“What?”

“They’re too scared of me to come after my baby.” He whispered as if it was a secret.

“Really?” She asked looking at him in awe.

“I promise.” He smiled, tucking the blanket around her.

“Is Y/N safe too? What if the monsters get her? Will you be there too?” She asked innocently.

“You don’t worry about your sister, baby. She knows how to take care of herself. She doesn’t need me.” You saw his body stiffen at the mention of you. “Now no more questions, you need to sleep.” He said tickling her, smiling widely at her giggles.

His reply broke your heart. You quickly made your way back to your room before either of them noticed your presence. You climbed into bed, trying not to cry. You told yourself that it was his way of having confidence in your hunting skills. He was doing what was needed to make sure you were safe. You fell asleep trying to take what little comfort you could from that.

____________

A year later, on your 16th birthday you were woken up by a jumpy 12 yr old on your bed.

“Wake up, Y/N! It’s your birthday!” She screamed into your ear, making your bury your head under the pillow.

“Go away, it’s not even 7!” You grumbled.

“Come on! Daddy’s making pancakes!” She ignored you and kept shaking you.

“Oh my god! I’m up!” You glared at her, making her giggle. She knew you weren’t a morning person and she found your antics hilarious.

You slowly made your way to the kitchen pouring yourself a cup of coffee and taking a seat at the table. You wished Dean good morning, used to the fact that he’d barely said it back to you like he would to Mary.

He piled up pancakes on all your plates, taking a seat opposite Mary and began to eat. Just as you were about to dig in, Mary spoke up, “Dad, you didn’t wish Y/N!”

Dean looked at you confused and then at her. “Wish her for what?”

“Her birthday! It’s her sweet 16! All my friends at school say it’s a big deal”

“Oh” His eyes widened in realisation. “Happy birthday, Y/N” He smiled at you. For a second you thought he was genuinely excited about your birthday and your heart skipped a beat.

“Are we going to do anything special today?” Asked Mary more excited about your special day than anyone else.

“Well, you and I will be starting your training, Mary.” Said Dean getting up to get more coffee.

“But-“

“It’s okay.” You interrupted. “You need to start training. It’s more important” You smiled at Mary, getting up and placing your plate in the sink. “I’ll umm go for a jog.” You said and left without making any eye contact.

It was so stupid of you to expect anything. Dean had stopped celebrating your birthday like he used to ever since your mum died. Mary got a lot of his attention and it was how it should be. She was a kid and he wanted her to grow up more normal. Which is why he sent her to school while he let you drop out at 15 to train better. Even though she knew about the things that went bump in the night, Dean always made it a point to protect her from it more than he protected you. The fact that he was finally training her today was a big deal. So you didn’t complain.

After an hour of jogging, you came back home to find Dean’s duffle bag near the door. He walked down the stairs and spotted you.

“Dad, where are you going?” You asked.

“Sam found a hunt. Looks like a demon. I’ll be gone for a few days. Take care of Mary okay?” He said busy making sure he had everything.

“Do you need an extra hand?” You asked hoping he would finally let you go on a hunt to prove your worth to him.

“Absolutely not! If you come, Mary comes. And I can’t risk her getting hurt. So you better watch out for your sister, Y/N. I mean it.” He said finally looking at you.

Dean can be very intimidating when he wants to be. And no matter how many times you end up on the receiving end of that gaze, it always made you feel like you’re screwing up no matter what.

“Yes, sir. I’ll watch out for her.” You said.

“Good.” He patted your back, walking towards the door. He stood and turned to you, “You take care too okay?” He said and left without waiting for a reply.

You heart hammered in your chest. You could never get used to the affection Dean showed you. It was few and far in between and when he did, you ate it up like a starved animal. It wasn’t often he directed concern towards you, but you figured the concern was masked under all that anger. So when he showed it, your day was made.

With a bright smile on your face you made your way to your room to take a shower. You passed by Mary’s door and saw her sitting grumpily on her bed.

“Hey, what’s up?” You asked.

“He was supposed to train me! He just left!”

You sighed at her. She didn’t understand the lengths their dad and uncle went to protect her.

“You know dad was really looking forward to it. But some stupid demon decided to wreck havoc. I promise you he’s going to come back and spend all his time with you.” You explained smiling at her.

“Why do you always take his side?”

“What?”

“You know what I’m talking about, Y/N. I ain’t stupid, you know. I pick up on things.”

“I know you ain’t stupid, Mare.” You said confused.

“I see the way he treats you. I’ve been paying attention to that since I was 7. He barely even acknowledges you and yet here you are always taking his side. Why?”

“He does acknowledge me!”

“No he doesn’t! We both know it!”

“Shut up, Mary! He cares! It’s his way of making sure I’m strong enough to protect you!”

“Yeah, that’s all you’ve done all my life! Dad protects me, you protect me! Who the hell is going to protect you?!”

You were stunned into silence. You never looked at it that way. Sure you noticed every time Mary got more from him than you did. But you were too busy trying to do better to make him proud, that you didn’t realise that the only one protecting you was you.

“The reason why I begged him to train me was so I can be the one to protect you back!” She was yelling at you now. “And now he left! It’s not fair!” She had tears streaming down her face. She rushed out of the room, making her way to the main door.

“Mary! Where are you going?!” You ran after her. “You can’t leave when Dad’s not here! You know that!”

She ran out the door with you at her heels. You finally caught up to her, your training giving you the leverage. You pulled her back by her shoulders. “Stop! Just calm down okay?”

Before anything more could be said you blacked out, the last thing you saw was Mary falling unconscious too.

__________________

You slowly woke up, realising that you were tied to a chair in the middle of a warehouse.

“MARY!” You yelled struggling to get out.

“Quit yelling! I’m right behind you!” She snapped.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” You asked, panicking.

“I’m fine. Just my head hurts. You?”

“Yeah pretty much the same.”

The door opened and a man walks in with deep black eyes, “So you brats finally woke up from your beauty sleep. Good!” He grinned.

“Let us go you son of a bitch!” You scream earning a whack across your face.

“Y/N!” Mary yells.

“I’m fine. He hits like a sissy” You grin at him, blood dripping down your lips.

“I see you got your father’s mouth.” He smirks. “This is going to be interesting.”

“Oh just wait till he comes, he’s going to send your dumbass back to hell!”

“I’m counting on his arrival, darling. He and his brother have been causing too much trouble for us. I figured I could make them suffer before I kill them. Kidnapping Dean Winchester’s daughters is going to get me such glory.”

“Look you got me, just let my sister go. Please!” You begged. Afraid for Mary’s life. You had one job and you failed miserably. It was all your fault.

“Oh no, sweetheart. There’s no point in holding onto just you. I need the daughter who Dean loves the most!” He laughed.

You tried not to let it get to you.

“Then let her go!” Mary yelled.

“Shut up, Mary! Don’t say a word!” You snap at her.

“Oh look at that, Dean’s little princess trying to save her failure of a sister. What’s daddy going to say about that, Y/N? You failed to protect her. You had one job.” He whispered the last part in your ear, making you tear up.

“Please” you begged, voice cracking.

Suddenly the door to the warehouse burst open and Dean barged in with his gun raised at the Demon.

“Let them go, you son of a bitch!” He yelled.

The demon quickly pulled out two gun pointing each one to yours and Mary’s head. “Well well, the third Winchester is here to join the party!”

Dean was livid. You had a pretty good idea at what, but a part of you knew he was going to give you hell once you got out of this.

“I won’t say it again, asshole! Let. My. Daughters. Go.” He gritted out.

“I will let them go, Winchester. But you’re gonna have to play a game before that.” The demon smirked.

“Over my dead body.” Dean replied calmly.

“Well, the game does require a dead body. But not yours. You get to choose which one of your daughters get to live. You can take her home.”

“How bout I take them both home after I put a bullet in your head!” He yelled.

“You take another step or do anything stupid, I’ll put a bullet in both their heads.” The demon grinned.

There was silence. You could see your dad panicking and holding back his tears. He didn’t have back up clearly and you didn’t know what happened to Sam.

“D-Dad. Pick Mary.” You said softly looking at the ground. You could hear her sniffle beside you.

“Y/N, no! Please! This is my fault! It should be me!” Mary begged.

“Quiet Mary, this doesn’t concern you.” You told her. “Dad, listen to me. You and I both know if push comes to shove, you’re going to save Mary.”

“Y/N, that’s not-“ Dean started frantically.

“It’s okay, dad.” You smiled teary eyes at him. “All I’ve ever wanted was to make you proud. I-I know mom’s death changed us a lot. I know how much you miss her. I miss her too. I’m sorry I wasn’t a good daughter. I’m sorry I wan’t enough for you to love. I get it, dad. You feel responsible for mom’s death, and Mary looks so much like her. You think protecting her will make up for what you think you failed to do. But dad it wasn’t your fault. It was the demon’s. And you ended up killing that bastard and Mary has always been safe. I know you were tough on me so I could do better and protect her when you couldn’t.” You were crying by now and so were Mary and Dean. You closed your eyes to take a breath before continuing. “I’m so sorry I failed, sir. I couldn’t protect her, I wasn’t fast enough to stop her.”

“N/N, no! It’s not your fault, it’s mine!” Mary said.

“Shh” You said smiling at her. “Maybe I didn’t deserve to be protected like Mary. I know I’m not as perfect as her. Hell she even got grandma’s name.” You chuckled addressing your dad. “It’s not like I have anything that reminded you of mom. I wish I did though, I mean she was so beautiful inside and out. It would be an honour for sure.” You chuckled lightly at that. “But that’s okay, because I noticed I am more like you, dad. And I am so proud of that. So proud to be your daughter. I was going to grow up to be just like you.”

“Y/N, baby. I’m so sorry.” Dean was a sobbing mess.

You had never seen your dad like this before and it broke your heart. You never meant to hurt him. You just wanted to make him proud.

“I’m so so sorry I didn’t treat you right, baby girl. I love you so damn much. You’re right. You were always so smart.” He smiled at you. “Mary is so much like mom and I got consumed by my guilt. And you do remind me of myself, Y/N and that scared me so much. It was like looking in a mirror. When mom was killed, looking at you meant dealing with myself and my demons and I couldn’t. So I pushed you away. I’m so fucking sorry!”

“I just wanted you to love me.” You whispered.

“I do love you, Y/N! So much. More than my own life!”

You finally heard what you’d been dying to all these years. “I love you too, daddy”

You hadn’t called him that in years and when you did your heart swelled up with so much love. You should be angry at him for treating you like a soldier. But right now, knowing the road ended for you, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he loved you just as much as he loved Mary.

“Oh my heart!” The demon, who was silently listening, suddenly made his presence felt. “I could cry, but fortunately, I’m a demon.” He grinned. “Choose Winchester. Who will it be? Your little princess or your little soldier?”

“Daddy, please. Don’t let him hurt, Y/N!” Mary begged.

You looked at Mary and smiled sadly, “Mary, you probably won’t understand this now, and you’re going to be so pissed at me and dad once this is all over. But I promise you that this is my choice. I love you so much and I wish I could watch you grow into this amazing person. But that’s not possible. And dad needs you more than he needs me.”

“No! He doesn’t! He won’t admit it, but he needs you too! I need you!” She screamed.

“Please don’t do this” Dean begged the Demon.

You looked at Dean, “Protect Mary no matter what, right?”

The last time your dad looked so broken was when his wife died, but you knew it would hurt less for him if you were the one to go. You watched him close his eyes and look down in shame. You know he had made his decision and this is where the road ended for you.

You cried harder looking into Dean’s eyes, “I love you, daddy and I forgive you.”

That was the last thing you said before a bullet went through your skull.

❅ ❅ ❅

TAGS BELOW

@hobby27 @akshi8278 @svmwinchesterr

#supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural fic #spn #spn x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #reader insert #female reader #daughter reader #angst #y/n #dean x reader

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soooldout · 4 years

Text

201101 Woohyun’s Instalive

He has been home all day today. He received many letters from fans when he was at the military training camp. He left with 10 boxes full of letters and he read them all.

He watches fan-made YouTube videos (cute!!!) Recently, he watched a video on how elementary school kids reacted to Infinite videos. They said Myungsoo is handsome, and Woohyun's voice is good. Woohyun often watches translator_dw's videos. He thinks she edits videos very well. (OMG?! she’s so luckyyyy! I just saw her twt she said ‘is this a dream’ TT anyway deserved! she does a way better job at promoting infinite than woollim)

He also said that’s a nice ID...since we never know what dongwoo is saying ‘translator dw’ is appropriate lmaooooooo

At the military training camp, he made friends with other trainees and they were younger than him, he was the oldest at the training camp. They still keep in touch. He got together with them about 3 times since he came back from the training camp.

A fan wanted to get a job at Woollim and she wanted him to wish her the best. He did and said there are many other good companies other than Woollim. (LMAOOOO YES we are on the same page namu)

A fan asked how he thinks about Drippin, and he thinks they are very cool, and it reminds him of their debut times because one of the member looks so much like one of the Infinite members. (Myungsoo and Cha something I think)

A fan asked if he will sing more ToHeart songs after he comes back from the military. He likes ToHeart songs but he hasn’t talked to Key very often lately.

He said to have killer abs, you need to have less than 10% body fat.

A fan said she debuted as a singer. He congratulated and said now he's her senior.

He is the type that doesn't really care much about what others do unless they are Infinite members. (in other words don’t ask him about other groups)

He wants to do a fan meet after the pandemic is over

He actually wanted to become a soccer player.

His dad really likes to go to Noraebang (karaoke) to sing so he often went there both with his family and his friends since he was very young.

He realized he sings very well and he can make others happy by singing. It was before the period that his voice broke. His voice broke when he was about 16 yrs old. He had that period very late. He didn't know his voice was like that because his voice broke. He was frustrated because he couldn't sing as he wanted.

A fan asked what he wants to be if he hasn't become a singer. He said he wants to become her boyfriend ( 🙄ok namgrease time to turn this off now)

He likes whiskey. He only drinks whiskey these days but he doesn't drink often these days. He prefers soju to beer or the mix of soju and beer.

To do well at work, you should read what others think etc. Always do your best even it is a very small task. Don't be afraid before you even challenge yourself to do something you want to do.

A fan asked for his recommendation for her ceramicware shop's name. He said "Sweetie Sweetie Ceramic Ware" (Chagi means sweetie in Korean, and Dochaji means ceramic wares.) Fans recommended some other names as Woohyun asked. He'll search the names to see if she actually opens a shop with one of those names. He hasn't tried making ceramicwares, so he will stop by later to learn.

He does 16:8 intermittent fasting and he thinks it's the best way to lose or maintain your weight. It's all about making the right choices when you're in your early 20s.

As a song that will cheer you up, he chose "Hold on Me."

He's worried about the fan who's doing a part-time job now because it's late.

His acting got much better since Hi School Love on. He learned a lot about acting and had much fun while filming the drama. The basketball CG wasn't his idea but the director's. There are many good scenes, but many people only remember that scene.

The concept he wants to have for his new solo album is rock. (YES PLEASE)

He really enjoyed Kinky Boots. It was so much fun and the numbers were great. He almost cried. Sunggyu's acting was great.

He's still a dumpling (mandoo). He asked if the fan likes dumplings because he asked him if he's still a dumpling.

The title of the book he read at the beginning of the IG Live, is "You who looks like the moon". He said it's a great book to read before you go to bed. A fan gave the book to him before.

A fan asked what kind of character she should design, and he told her to make a character of him. He doesn't know what to wear tomorrow. He always decides what to wear to work in the morning.

He will stay at home this Christmas. He is too sleepy and needs to go to work tomorrow and shared several selfies.

translations by ifntnews on twitter

#rock album pls #wait infinite rock album too #best comment was him telling fans not to choose woollim omg the validationnn #woohyun #infinite #translations

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homosociallyyours · 4 years

Text

@ha-larry-us and @livqueer tagged me to do this! Here we go :)

1. what is the colour of your hairbrush? light amber wood color

2. a food you never eat? beets, tho i keep trying

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? neither, usually my body regulates temp well. but being sick that’s a little different and i never know if i’ll be shivering or having a hot flash

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? going back and forth between instagram and tumblr

5. what is your favourite candy bar? uhh maybe a snickers or a 100 grand bar

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? i went to the Oakland A’s gay day a few years ago with co-workers. It was really fun!! but i could never attend a serious sports event to cheer for a winning team.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? "come on, ding dong, you can do it” --said to my dog who was hesitating jumping down off the chair where she’d sat while i washed my dishes

8. what is your favourite ice cream? McConnell’s salted caramel and chocolate flake. or anything that’s a mascarpone or goat cheese base. yum.

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? decaf yorkshire with milk

10. do you like your wallet? YES! i have a scarf that has a secret pocket in it! it holds cards and other small essentials and it’s very sneaky.

11. what was the last thing you ate? granola with milk

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nah bruh i haven’t bought new clothes in ages!

13. the last sporting event you watched? i watched the last season of GLOW when it came out. that’s as close as i get.

14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? chicago mix babyyyy! cheddar and caramel together at last.

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my housemate, it was the landlord’s contact info

16. ever go camping? YES, and i miss it!! i used to camp regularly and really love my pseudo-glamping life: cooler full of good food, a double high air mattress, and a tent that allows you to stand up in the center (to change clothes). i haven’t gone since coming to california, which is a total bummer.

17. do you take vitamins? yes, vit. D and fish oil daily, ideally i would have a good multi, PS, and maybe a couple other things, but i can’t afford them all right now. my minimum is a D though, since yr body really does NOT get it from sun exposure. i know it sounds silly but vitamins are basically the concrete you pour in a hole to stabilize a beam (yr food). they’re very good and they help a lot!

18. do you go to church every sunday? NO, thank goodness! i even stopped having to go with my family when i visit them.

19. do you have a tan? no, and i rarely do. SPF all the way.

20. do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza please

21. do you drink your soda with a straw? only fountain sodas with ice

22. what colour socks do you usually wear? bright/mixed colors

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? occasionally, but i’m pretty careful and definitely don’t do it in residential areas.

24. what terrifies you? zombies (seriously) and loss/lack of control of myself

25. look to your left, what do you see? the side of the couch and the blank wall.

26. what chore do you hate? doing the dishes

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? the crocodile hunter

28. what’s your favourite soda? cherry coke or dublin dr. pepper (the cane sugar kind made in texas) orrrr cheerwine

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? i drive thru everywhere except in-n-out, where it often takes less time to walk in.

30. who’s the last person you talked to? my housemate and i had a little conversation, but i messaged with my bff earlier and that was a real conversation.

31. favourite cut of beef? umm i really like cooking a ny strip, but i don’t necessarily have a favorite

32. last song you listened to? "fancy” as sung by bobbie gentry bc instagram didn’t have the reba version. WHICH IS UNACCEPTABLE, just so you know.

33. last book you read? my friends, i have a confession. i haven’t read an actual book in ages. i used to read A LOT and then when i got sick it was like my brain said NO THANK YOU and i just stopped. i still read loads, it’s just mostly fic or articles. that being said, i just finished i must admit i thought i’d like to make you mine by @disgruntledkittenface and it was EXCELLENT.

34. favourite day of the week? Thursdays. like for as long as i can remember. it was hamburger day when i was a kid, and now it’s thursday hersday. and of course it was must see tv night all thru my adolescence.

35. can you say the alphabet backwards? i mean i probably could but why would i want to?

36. how do you like your coffee? with whole milk (and if i’m doing it myself, a little cinnamon, a pinch of salt, and a pinch of sugar)

37. favourite pair of shoes? my dog face flats (they’re bob’s for dogs, you can maybe google them) even tho they are really worn out now

38. at what time do you normally go to bed? between 4-7am. i am a cryptid, please do not look at me

39. at what time do you normally get up? between 2-5pm, again i beg you to look away and judge me not

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets!! (SAME!!)

41. how many blankets are on your bed? 4 right now. 2 super soft, 1 electric, and 1 duvet/comforter.

42. describe your kitchen plates? the classic 70s/80s unbreakable plates, some with the gold flowers around the rim and some with the tiny olive green ones. truly i think i have only seen a plate like this break once in my entire life. i bought these at a store in nyc (i definitely overpaid BUT it was still like $20 for 6 or 8 plates that will never break)

43. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? a properly made sidecar is HEAVEN, ok? so good!! but you gotta use good brandy and fresh lemons and i would get one if i could go back to my fave nyc bar and have pietro (a very good bartender) make me one. but really the thing that i will always want and have difficulty turning down is champagne/sparkling wine in the style of champagne.

44. do you play cards? yes! i used to play all the time with my ex. don’t so much any more but i still love it when i get to!

45. what colour is your car? dark orange

46. can you change a tire? YES!! @ha-larry-us when the quarantine is done I will show you!! it really isn’t too hard unless your bolts are on super tight.

47. what is your favourite state/province? California, i think. though part of me wants to name a southern state because I was born there and the mountains feel like home.

48. favourite job you’ve ever had? the one i currently have but am physically unable to work at right now-- cheesemonger at a worker owned grocery store

49. how did you get your biggest scar? i was borrowing stage makeup from a friend in another dorm before our choir performance. the door was usually propped open, and so when i left the building i sorta jogged down the steps and pushed really hard on the door with my momentum. it was NOT propped open, and I put my right arm through the glass (and knocked out two more panes with my knee and foot). the RA was training to be an EMT and helped me get cleaned up. I didn’t get stitches, but the scar is very long (maybe 3 inches). the best part of the story is that i went to make sure the choir director knew i wasn’t performing but would sit in the audience, and her response was “we don’t have time to give you sympathy.” she was having a rough year but DAMN that was an ice cold response to an injured 18 year old.

50. what did you do today that made someone else happy? hmm probably just chatting with my bff. that makes both of us happy, always.

IDK WHO TO TAG!!! who is the sort of person to answer 50 random questions?? @alienfuckeronmain maybe? how about @slowdownsugar? hmm maybe @crinkle-eyed-boo and uhh @pompomoffinland. And you, friend!! YOU who is sitting there really wishing you were tagged, I am definitely tagging you!!

#about me #50 questions #text post #long post #alcohol mention #injury mention #this took me back to the old livejournal days

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jewpacabruhs · 5 years

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bruv im still jus. wow. theres so much to say but. do u kno how good it feels... to be jewish, to accidentally fixate on one eric cartman & love him more than any other fictional character for almost seven years now, and then to see him in a little yarmulke, standing at kyle's side while he recites from the torah? do you know how validating that is?

i gotta get personal for a second here. idk how, but in the last few yrs my relationship with my own jewishness has been deeply influenced and intertwined with south park, as ironic and ridiculous as that sounds. i grew up secular, completely nonpracticing; as a child, i was only ethnically jewish, and saw jews as strictly an ethnicity, and a popularly hated one to boot. and it scared me. ive talked about it before, but as a child hearing about the shoah and about antisemitism, i couldn't understand. i thought it was looks for a while, which confused me, because ive got blonde hair and blue eyes and all my family that got caught up in nazi europe did/do too. i remember thinking as a second grader that i would've been spared for that reason; why didn't a good chunk of my family? but i grew up in a mormon neighborhood, with plenty of other blonde kids, and they stayed away from me like i had a disease. this was before puberty, before my hair got a little frizzier and my nose got a little bigger, when i looked just like any of them. but already, at age 8, i was an outsider. i wasn't one of them and i never would be, and they wanted me to know that.

and then i started to get it. it clicked even more once i got to high school and got called a kike every other day - but prior to high school, you know what i found, and you know what really pushed me towards understanding what being a secular jew in america meant? south park. and as a dumb little sixth grader with no critical thinking skills, you know what shaped my opinions on my own people? south park.

and that's good and bad. good because i do sincerely think kyle broflovski is excellent fictional representation for jewish people, maybe one of the top few ever shown on television. he gets on my nerves at times, but he's good through and through, he's well written and multi-dimensional, he's not a walking stereotype but he still has prominent jewish features that jewish viewers can look at and see in themselves, his morals and viewpoints and beliefs are obviously deeply influenced by judaism, hes deeply proud of his heritage and culture... and that all means a lot to me. and by the amount of jewish sp fans that adore kyle, it means a lot to them too.

the bad thing is, yeah, i can't deny it, during older seasons, cartman's treatment of kyle probably taught a lot of young and dumb viewers how to view jews in real life. have i, as a kyman shipper and cartman stan, justified that within a fictional and narrative context? yes. but it doesn't change the real-world effect; south park, but specifically cartman, since he's the mouthpiece, likely did cause some easily-influenced people to pick up antisemitic beliefs. did this contribute to the rise of the alt-right? debatable, but to some extent, possibly. was that m&t's intention and should south park be canceled and denounced? fuck no, i'll always love it lol, and fuck censorship. but it is something that should be taken into account.

matt and trey clearly regret that, and understand that it's no longer acceptable or fitting or needed in today's sociopolitical climate - or, okay, maybe they don't even regret it; they just understand that when fiction becomes reality, the fictional jackass isn't necessary when there's one right there in real life, sitting in the oval office, yeah? old cartman doesn't deserve or need a voice, not when real, awful people actually have one right now. and m&t are actively trying to change cartman for the better and really, really backpedal on his bigotry, while still doing it in a way that makes sense from a story-telling perspective. it's not a complete uncharacteristic change of character; it's shifting with the times and writing it into the character's arc so that it's a logical and plausible development in cartman's story.

cartman's behavior in the last few seasons is consistent character development. m&t themselves are pushing it, and clearly it's sincere; cartman's not faking. unless they're building up a surprise twist over the last, what, three to four seasons, that he was faking the whole time! woah! if so it better be a damn good pay off, because that's a lot of time invested. though that seems more forward-thinking than sp tends to be. they're intentionally stuck in the short-term, aren't they? plot-wise. but their character development is pretty long-term, and right now, cartman is consistently decent, and if it comes across as faking, it's because cartman's over-dramatic in how he speaks, and trey does that intentionally.

that's a tonal thing, and it's hard to say in a fictional character, but as someone who struggles with empathy myself, empathy and sincerity don't go hand in hand. you can lack empathy while still caring enough to sincerely and wholeheartedly apologize for something and mean that apology. not feeling remorse doesn't mean you can't apologize genuinely; the two don't go hand in hand. you can be mentally ill in any capacity, even a psychopath, and still deeply care about things or people, just not in the way someone else might. so you can headcanon that cartman's still a psycho/sociopath, though right now that's actually kinda going against canon, but don't rain on other's parades if they're happy he's exhibiting healthy growth. besides, and i repeat: what could cartman exploit out of faking sincerity for several seasons? nothing, so why bother? he wouldn't, unless it's literal in-show subconscious growth.

does that mean he's magically developed empathy? no. is it becoming less probable he's a legitimate sociopath/psychopath (while still possibly having better-disguised antisocial tendencies)? yes. does he seem to have better coping or anger management skills? somehow, yes! he seems to be legitimately healthier. does this mean he's no longer accountable for his past misdeeds, and even his present, less-severe ones? of course not! and you can still hate him all you want, but modern cartman is not the same as older cartman, and shouldn't be treated as such. because is this growth? absolutely.

he's clearly healthier, even happier. he's less angry, he's still a little shit but he no longer relies on bigotry or cruelty or anger to get the negative attention he thrives off, rather he gravitates towards being simply annoying. you know why he called ice? pettiness, immaturity, a little bit of spite, and a need for silly revenge. he's being intentionally petty, but going about it in a sly but no longer psychopathic way. less hannibal lector and more, idk, regina george, lol. extremely different on the antagonist scale. and cartman's been both.

and maybe it's personal bias on what type of human is worse within fiction, someone unstable and bizarre with violent tendencies (which is how he's come to be viewed in pop culture & some of the fandom, as a result of eps like scott tenorman must die), versus someone inclined towards pettiness and more silent and, i dunno, social-status-and-pride-driven types of revenge (cartman in general when he's not being particularly awful, tbh)... but i think it'd be pretty universally agreed that the latter is at the very least more tolerable, manageable, and even likeable - and certainly more redeemable. let's put it this way; if cartman continued on the path he was on, he'd be one of those tiki holding fucks, wearing a confederate flag hat, and he'd treat kyle soooo much worse. instead, m&t have turned him into a hypocritical false-woke ignorant dumbass - but that's strongly less problematique than it's counterpart, and it works.

because cartman simply serves a different narrative purpose now. and that's not sloppy writing; it's well-timed evolution of a character that stepped into a pre-9/11, pre-trump, pre-social media world! so much has changed, and south park is reflecting that in its characters, most notably in a character who was stuck in the, what, 1960s with his beliefs? that was fine way back when, but matt&trey are smart dudes - they understand that sometimes things have to change. besides, they love cartman, too. he's their favorite. but they understand that when real people act like him, it's not so comedic or satirical or funny, & they don't want to look at cartman, at their creation who they've invested twenty-two years in, and see the all-too-real hate of modern radical white america.

i think we know enough about matt&trey's social stances these days, and the empathy they've seemed to develop after having kids, to understand that they're no longer in their "apathy is best, everyone is stupid" phase. current south park is left-leaning and admittedly preachy at times, but i wouldn't want it any other way. g-d knows it's better this way than if they'd embraced and decided to appeal to their right-libertarian following instead. cartman's evolved in a progressive and positive way, and it's fucking dope, especially to us cartman stans who so badly want him to be good. and he is good right! he's doing so good!

and i know im up my own ass rn but yall know how much i myself have campaigned for jewish kyman/cartman and how much i just deeply and truly adore it, and to see it actualized in a canon episode to some extent? that meant the world to me. i couldn't believe my eyes. i was tellin lai - that's the most genuine, pure, almost violent happiness ive felt in my soul in years. that was like a straight shot of serotonin to the heart. that simple little scene made me so fucken happy yall dont even know. & theres a lot to be said about the political commentary and plenty of other people are analyzing that, but im a simple jewish kyman & cartman stan and boy ive been fed good fjskfkdkdkfk!!!

#in other news #sickly jew shay had her vision white out at school today and almost fell down the stairs #my grandpa has been given a week to live #AND the anniversary of the most important person in my life's death is approaching #and i turn fucking 19 soon and i always have birthday crisises #so fucken superb!#in happier news family guy airs soon and it's unfortunately still a fixation of mine so im unjustly excited #lissen stewie's worn a yarmulke twice in fg canon and i cried then #i love cartman approximately... 50x more than stewie jus bc of longevity and. nostalgia and favoritism #i was in legitimate hysterics #sp continues to be my light at the end of the tunnel jfkskf #mine #txt #sp spoilers #theres so much here im sorry i ramble sm #i struggle w wordz and usin em ironically

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umi-tama · 4 years

Text

November 3rd 2011

Today was a very special day for Percy! (... Or, well, I made it into a special day by messing around with the time a bit, to age him up.) Because today, he decided to go find himself a suitable wife. He redecorated his appartement, took a shower, geled his hair back, picked out his nicest necktie, and then went off to the Date Place...

... where he met a sweet little Uwasatchi, with whom he immediatly fell in love ^^ I'll try to think of buying a smaller screwdriver tomorrow, so I can finally remove Percy's batteries, without damaging more than I already did, when I put them in ^^' Here are his stats when he went to sleep: 6 yr, 75 lb hungry ❤❤OOO happy ❤❤OOO train [▪▪▪▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫] friendship OOOOOO gotchi points: 293,920

She's here, she's here! :D

Say Hi to Kimiko the Fosterling! :3

Ok, here she looked anything but amused, but hey, she's still a baby after all. (She looks like she's thinking "put that camera phone away already, and feed me! ~_~")

Those basics the instruction manual covers unfortunately don't include the question of how to put little Kimiko to sleep, it only mentions the fact that she sleeps at all, but that's already it. So feel free to call me desperate right now, since it's 2am already over here, and she just won't stop beeping at me every couple of minutes x_x I actually consider to just mute her... I mean, she can't run away from me yet, can she? She's still a 2 months old baby, after all...

November 4th 2011

Oops, forgot to get a smaller screwdriver, while out in town today ^^' Therefor Percy and his wife are still with me. Here Percy's current stats (after I aged him up again and just woke him up in the middle of the night, to cure his sickness and feed him): 8 yr, 93 lb hungry ❤❤❤❤❤ happy ❤❤❤❤❤ train [▪▪▪▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫▫] friendship ❤OOOOO gotchi points: 294,920

Ok, since I still didn't figure out, when Kimiko is supposed to go to bed, I just turned off her sound, when I went to sleep myself last night, hoping the best. Luckily, when I woke up this morning, she was still there. Grumpy and thirsty, ok, but still healthy. She lost quite some weight, though. When I went to bed, she had reached 3,3kg. This morning she was down to 2,5kg. I'm starting to suspect, that her constant napping instead of having a regular sleeping cycle, could've been programmed on purpose, to make her more realistic. Like, real babies don't sleep that super long at a time either, do they? (At least you always hear parents complaining about getting woken up in the middle of the night...). Anyways, I thought I might share some more information with you guys. First of all, Kimiko has a lot of different facial expressions.

(^scan of the instruction manual, translated by me) Most of the time, she's napping/dozing, pulling funny faces, winking or looking sad. Sometimes, when I feed her, she's showing a bit of a temper, but usually she gives up on that quite fast again. All in all, it's often really hard to know, what exactly she wants, since her facial expressions often seem somewhat random - she can smile and pull faces, even though the smiley attention icon is still lit, and a minute later she frowns at me, even though everything seems to be okay. Aalso, the happy/health bar doesn't show, how happy Kimiko is right now, but how happy (and healthy) she is in general, like, how much you neglegted her. Here a short overview over her (many) icons:

The thermometer, sad smiley, stomach and running stick figure are different attention icons, while everything else is clickable - yes, even the "PM" (selecting and activating it brings the clock back to the screen). Btw, Kimiko loves water. Right now, it is pretty much everything she needs, since it makes her not only full, but also happy. I found out, that giving her something to drink every couple of minutes prevents her from calling for attention. I read her a goodnight story tonight...

In case you're curious, the story involved zombies 🧟‍♂️ I just love scaring kids... 😈 And here we have happy!Kimiko:

Here her stats, when she, no, I went to sleep: - age: 1 year - IQ: 202 - weight: 4,7 kg - 🙂 ▌▌▌▌ - ❤️ ▌▌▌▌

November 10th 2011

Percy and his wife became parents of a lovely little girl. After they left her, I removed the batteries of my Tama-Go.

Not much is happening with Kimiko these days. I still don't know how to make her sleep at night, but then again, it doesn't really matter. Ever since she grew out of the baby stage and turned into a toddler, she became quite a hardy little girl and a lot less needy :) Here she is as a 2y old:

Since she can walk now, she loves to run around and make a mess of her clothes and hair:

(left: after I finally caught her | right: after I brushed her hair and cleaned her clothes) And that's how she looks right now:

1 day in our world doesn't equal one year in Kimiko's world, so she's still a small child, too young for school even. Here are her current stats: - age: 3 years and 8 months - IQ: 202 - weight: 8,3 kg - 🙂 ▌▌▌▌ - ❤️ ▌▌▌▌ ~ On another note: I ordered an Angelgotch today :3 I considered saving some money to get an ID L, but 53€ really is a bit much for my taste ^^' maybe another time, we'll see ;)

#TamaTown TamaGo #Kimiko the Fosterling #archived post #Tamagotchi #2011 #long post #Tama Log

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sapphicsaro · 5 years

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can i request an anya fic + career day at school (preferably set when anya's 8/9 yrs old). thanks 😊

i tried to be fluffy, but you know I’m an angsty bitch !! enjoy !!

—

“Okay, so remember that tomorrow is career day, kids! If your parent is coming, they will sign in with me in the morning. Have a good day everyone!”

Miss. Mitchell was a nice teacher.

Was she annoying? Maybe a little too sweet sometimes, but Anya liked her. Third grade wasn’t challenging for the young girl, but Anya enjoyed that her teacher at least tried to make it fun with activities and projects.

You might be able to say that Anya was a teacher’s favorite, which is why Miss. Mitchell noticed her apprehension at the mention of career day.

“Anya? Can you hang back for a few minutes?”

Anya furrowed her brows, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no. Not at all.”

The eight year old redhead watched her classmates leave as she headed towards her teacher’s desk and took a seat on the opposite side. She crossed her arms as Miss. Mitchell stared back.

“Anya, I was wondering if you planned on having anyone come tomorrow for career day? You’re the only one who hasn’t updated me.”

“No. No one is coming.”

“Any reason why?”

Because my mom’s dead and my dad is an Avenger, but I can’t tell anyone.

“My dad’s busy,” Anya fiddled with her skirt, trying to avoid the tall blonde’s blue eyes.

“What about your mom?”

Anya felt her eyes begin to water, “She can’t.”

“Okay, well, if you need to talk, or need anything-“

“I’m fine, Miss. Mitchell. Thank you. Can I go now?”

Miss Mitchell smiled slightly and nodded, “Of course. Is your dad here to pick you up?”

She shook her head, “No, my uncle is coming today.”

“Okay, I’ll walk you out.”

Anya slipped on her backpack and grabbed her teacher’s hand as they walked towards the front of the school, out the doors where Fury stood.

“Hey spider.”

The little girl grinned widely and ran towards her “uncle” who immediately welcomed her into his arms. Anya giggled, “Hi, дядя (uncle)!”

Fury smiled as he held her, he loved her Russian. She continued her lessons because it reminded her of her mother, something she always wanted since her passing.

It’s been years, but going through elementary school without a mom made life harder. Everyone bombarded her about her mother, and Anya never told anyone what really happened. Teachers assumed she was busy, because Anya said she was, and her friends had no clue her mother was no longer around. She would tell stories to them about all the things she would do with her mother, from days at the theme park to camping out in their yard. Her imagination was wild.

Anya snuggled into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder, “I’m tired.”

“What, is third grade tiring?”

“You don’t even know. I need to go home and nap.”

He chuckled, “You got it.” Placing her down, she got herself in the car, and Fury noticed Miss. Mitchell still standing nearby, watching them. “Is there something I can help you with?”

She shook her head, snapping back into focus, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude. I was just…um…actually…while you’re here…do you mind if I ask you about Anya’s home life? You don’t have to answer, obviously, it’s just-“

Nick looked back at the car, seeing that Anya already had her headphones in, “You can ask. I might not answer.”

“Right, of course,” she smiled uncomfortably again. “I was just wondering, do you know what her parents do for a living? Just because tomorrow is career day and all of the kids are either bringing in a parent or doing an activity about their parents’ job and I can’t seem to get much information from her. She talks about her mother and father all the time, but nothing about what they do.”

“What exactly does she say about them?”

“Oh, all good things. She talks about her father all the time, you know, about their hiking trips and such. But her mother, that’s who she mostly talks about.”

Nick sighed, “Oh.”

“No, no! Nothing bad. She’s all about her mother, always talking about their days together, at the theme park and the mall. She really loves her mother a lot. But, she says her parents are at work whenever I ask. And I’ve met her father, never her mother, and I still don’t know what they do exactly.”

Oh fuck.

Nick swallowed hard, “She hasn’t told you…”

“About their jobs? No.”

He glanced back at Anya who was focused on the screen in her hands, god, the poor thing. “I’m sorry, Miss-“

“Mitchell. Miss. Mitchell.”

“I’m sorry, Miss. Mitchell, but Anya’s mother passed away about four years ago before the vanished returned.”

Her smile faded quickly as she realized the reality of the situation, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

“No need to apologize. She has a lot of family helping her out, and her father is very much in her life.”

“Of course. Gosh, I just wish I would have known. I have a policy of how to deal with children who have lost a parent,” the young woman look defeated.

“It’s not your fault. I’ll talk with her and her father about it. And thank you for your concern, but I’d appreciate if you let us talk about this at home first before talking to her.”

“Oh, yes! I won’t bring it up again, I promise.”

If only she knew.

If only he could tell her that Anya’s mother died to save billions of people; her sacrifice alone brought back the vanished.

But he couldn’t.

The world was still a dangerous place, and they tried to keep Anya on the down low. Hell, they had their names changed for her to be in public school. Anya’s last name was now “Baker”, and her parents were “James” and “Natalie”. Fury desperately wanted to change Anya’s name to a more common one, but Clint refused. She was too young and already lost her last name, it would be too much.

So, years ago when they sat down little four year old Anya before school started, they quizzed her on her name and she passed with flying colors.

What else could you expect from the child of two agents?

There wasn’t much Fury was unsure of, but this situation was definitely an uneasy one for him. He had continued to be a large part of Anya’s life, always being there as much as he possibly could. After losing Natasha, Fury needed to take some time for his personal life, which wasn’t really significant.

But there was Anya.

Clint welcomed the help, although he never acknowledged it. The man had struggled a lot after losing his wife, and he often did not reach out when he needed support. Neither would Fury. So they didn’t talk about it. He just came over, helped with Anya and never explained why.

Anya was knocked out on the ride back.

At least he had some time to think about how he could handle this conversation.

He carefully got her out of the car, carrying her back to the farmhouse to make sure she stayed asleep. She grumbled here and there, but Fury managed to get her all the way upstairs and in her bed without her waking up.

As he headed back downstairs, he pulled out his phone to call Clint.

Two rings later, the archer answered, “Fury, everything okay?”

Casual phone calls weren’t a thing between the two men, so obviously Clint would assume there was a problem if he was calling. “Anya is fine. But her teacher gave me some news.”

“What, is she in trouble?”

“No. But tomorrow is career day. And Anya said her parents were too busy to come in.”

“And the teacher’s suspicious?”

“Yeah, she asked me what Anya’s parents do for a living.”

“Parents?”

“Exactly.”

There was a small silence before Clint sighed, “Shit.”

“Apparently Anya has been telling everyone about the fun adventures her and her mother go on, including her teacher.”

“Did you tell her the truth?”

“I had to, Clint. We have to ensure that your covers won’t be blown.”

“I’m coming home.”

“Clint-“

“No, Fury. This is much more than her risking our covers. She’s pretending her mother is still alive. I need to be there for her.”

“I’ll talk to her about it.”

“And what? Warn her about how she’s not being a good agent?”

“Excuse me?”

“She’s not Natasha, she doesn’t work for you. This is my kid we’re talking about.”

“You think I only come here to keep your covers in check? You think I’m here to work?”

“Sounds like it.”

“Jesus fuck, you’re dense if that’s all you think I’m here for. Sure, I just volunteer to watch her for the week for work purposes. Anya is family to me, Clint. And so are you, I’d hope you would have known that by now.”

Clint remained silent.

“I called you because I was worried about her. I didn’t know what I should do.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. But never question my love for that little girl again.”

“I can still try to come home? We can make up a fake job or something and I’ll talk to Anya about her stories later?”

“No, you only have one more night there. You should finish the mission with Bishop.”

“Okay. Just please let me be there to talk to her about this, though.”

“Of course.”

“Keep me posted, Fury. I have to go, but call me before she goes to bed?”

“You got it. See you soon, Barton.”

“Goodbye.”

“Uncle Fury?”

He turned around to see Anya rubbing her eyes, “Hey there, munchkin. You okay?”

She yawned, “Mhmm, I just needed a nap.”

“C’mere, kiddo.”

The little girl waddled over to him, and reached out climb up into his lap. She snuggled into his chest, “Was that papa?”

“Yes it was.”

“Is he coming home?”

“One more day. Is that okay?”

She nodded, “Mhmm.”

Fury let her lay against him, her fingers picking at his shirt, “Anya?”

“Yeah?”

“How would you like it if I was your guest for career day?”

She lifted her head up, her face beaming, “Really?!”

“Of course. It’d be my honor.”

And that’s how Nick Fury ended up in a classroom at eight in the morning surrounded by third graders listening to how he “knew the Avengers” because of his old job as a “driver”.

Sure, it was a massive lie.

But it made all the kids happy, especially one little redhead.

#clintasha #clintasha au #black widow #hawkeye #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #clint barton #anya romanoff barton #clintasha fanfic #clintasha fanfiction #prompt #request

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2theburgs · 5 years

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Day 4: St. Mere Eglise & Museums

This morning was a bit of a rough start for me. I could barely keep my eyes open! Fortunately, today was going to be an easy day, physically. I went back to bed after breakfast for 40 mins while Ken went and picked up a few more groceries. I will warn you...this is a long one.

We drove in, just past Carentan, to the D Day Experience and Dead Man’s Corner Museum. The Dead Man’s Corner museum is an old house that was used by the Germans as a headquarters until it was taken by the Americans. We walked through and learned about the German side of things. This house lies on a crossroad and it is named as such because an American soldier hung from a Sherman tank for over 3 days in the centre of this intersection. It just wasn’t safe for other soldiers to attempt to bring him down until after the area had been secured. We exited the museum into a shop, which is how all the museums end, except this one was different. The first section we walked into was full of real artifacts and relics from WWII. We walked around in shock that this was just readily available to whoever had the cash. I felt sick to my stomach as I gazed upon a nazi cap, selling for ~600 E. Why would they sell that? Who do they think is going to buy it? Why is it available to the general public? There were so many items including a paratrooper uniform on sale for 14 000 E. For a moment, I saw the appeal as a British canvas medic bag caught my eye. I picked it up, and another, and another. 85 E. Totally worth it I thought. Then it’s like reason smacked me in the head as I noted small red stains on the bag. No. Angry at myself and my disregard for the history item I held, I gently laid the bag back in the pile and said, “Let’s get out of here”.

Is this what we have come to...making a profit off of the belongings of the deceased who laid his life down for us? My heart breaks. I haven’t cried yet here, which surprised me, but this brought tears to my eyes. Sick, twisted humans consumed by the almighty dollar.

This was the first part of this museum and I think left a bad taste in our mouths tainting the rest of the visit. We did a flight simulator thing which was sort of lame. Then we went through the rest of the museum. I was still happy we went, as I got to see Winter’s uniform in person.

We made our way back to the car, passing a burger and chip truck stand...I looked with bright eyes at Ken, he said “we have sandwiches in the car”. So logic and reason set in, and we ate our sandwiches in the car while it rained. We sat there quietly, every so often asking each other, “ready for some more biking?”. It was hard. There was the option of driving to the next spot.....but, that’s not what we spent all that money on those fancy bikes for. It was only a 10 km ride into Ste Mere Eglise.

Ste. Mare Eglise. A town almost untouched by bombing. The church is here the famous landing site of Private John Steele who was hooked just beside the steeple. He survived the war actually- he was taken by Germans as a prisoner but escaped a few days later. There was a second soldier who got stuck on the lower part of the church in front of the doors. As soon as he was hooked a German aimed to shoot, but was quickly gunned down by another American soldier. Unfortunately, he took a bullet too and died of his wounds, laying down his life for the paratrooper.

This town is full of little cafes and shops. We grabbed a cafe avec lait and then quickly spotted a bakery. Oh. My. Goodness. The best pastry I’ve ever had in my life.

We made our way to the Airborne Museum which was incredible! They give you a little Ipad and as you walk through the museum you can click on different areas and learn about each spot. Very cool. It’s called a ‘histopad”.

We headed home and downed a baguette (yes a whole baguette between the two of us...every night..) along with a glass of bordeaux (or two) and took the advice of our host, Eric and visited the local church. We stopped along the way to meet their horses as well.

Perhaps the most moving moment of our time here so far was the conversation Ken had with Eric this morning when he recommended we visit the church. Eric is 70 yrs old, and he lives on this farm with his wife, Regine. He grew up here. Born in 1949. No stranger to the struggles of post war, he shared a different perspective. He spoke of being grateful for the liberation, but shared a slightly different viewpoint. He told Ken of how many civilians were needlessly killed, albeit unintentionally, by the allied bombings and being caught in the crossfire. A perspective that, perhaps the events were a bit disorganized and a bit sloppy, dropping bombs and blowing things up without regard for the civilians. As we walked to the church (built in the 15th century), I began to react defensively as Ken told me of the conversation they had. I countered by saying the Allies were under pressure, they didn’t know they were going to win. What if they hadn’t done those bombings, what if they were more cautious? We might not be here today. Slowly my arguments dwindled as I realized I had no right in hell to be arguing the points of someone who had lived through the post-war era. In all these museums, in all the history books and movies, and TV shows...the allies are the heroes. I hadn’t thought of this side of things. We arrived at the church, the sun was low but bright. The church was desolate. It looked as though no one had been there in years. We carefully walked through the graveyard and I came upon one grave, “1930-1944, 14 yrs old Daniel Marquand”. We wondered if perhaps this child died in the cross fire. As we walked past the church we saw a monument that read, “The children that died for our country”. It was dated 1914-1918, clearly the 1st WWI, but it had been added to, and there it was, “Daniel Le Marquand, Civilian Victim, June 8, 1944″. My heart sunk to the bottom of my stomach. Only moments ago I was trying to argue that freedom comes at a price, and thus I ate my words and walked home in silence.

Perhaps beyond the museums, the hype, and the souvenirs we’ve lost perspective of the dark tragedy and the human lives that were lost here: The Allies, the Germans, and the innocent civilians.

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countjason · 5 years

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Jason’s 8th Annual Post/Pre-Year Review/Goal

Last year, I didn’t do this so is this 8 or is this one again? Maybe’s it’s 7? Idk…let’s assume it’s 8.

I forget why I didn’t do this since I’ve been pretty good over the course of the decade in both setting goals and reflecting, both good and bad on the outcome of those goals. I couldn't give you an answer why 2018 was so different than the previous 6 years. For good or bad, these entries are the only ones I do and maybe the last on Tumblr now that the platform may be dying due to porn. Either way, I will reflect in the best I can given I didn’t set goals for 2018 and start anew with goals for 2019.

2018 Reflection

Work

2018 was hard. It started strong with the new position at my new job as a scheduler. I soon realized, however, I made an ill-made choice. I can't say it was a "bad" decision because, at the time, I wasn't happy on what became of me being a configuration, change, release manager and the prospect of me being a project manager was slim with the ongoing fight between our contract prime and my company at the time. The decision to leave seemed easy since my current company had a pay increase so, hey, follow the money right?

Well, six months in and I began to grow tired of the sheer boredom of the job. Here I go from running a major project, flying to Germany to work with the customer, addressing changes and being active (though be it not what I wanted to do) NOW basically perform statuses once a month and learning nothing new. It’s almost to the point where I think I’m forgetting some skills like my SharePoint knowledge since they don’t use that tool at all and caught in their own ways (and anytime you try to change or show them a better way, you’re immediately dismissed).

I can pinpoint the exact day that started the ongoing job hunt. It was not after I graduated - no, it in September 2018 when my company posted a position for a project manager and I immediately inquired to my boss for which I was told I don't have enough experience for the role. Not enough experience? How the heck am I supposed to get experience when I’m not mentored, spinning in my chair picking my nose half the month and told there’s nothing else I need to do or I’m not physically doing any aspect of the job to gain said experience you want in a project manager here? Do you really think I would leave you hung out to dry or wouldn't know where to ask for help should I needed it (which was likely)? Are you so concerned with your company image that the slightest ignorance in any area is a death sentence? Here I was familiar with the protocol the company did for financials, scheduling, and other areas that I learned over the course of nine months but because I wasn't an engineer, I was told they wanted to more likely recruit talent from a competitor and more engineering minded despite the fact all the previous PMs had little to no engineering experience at all. Mind you this was after graduating with my master’s degree in Project Management, have more certifications that are gold standards for my line of work, and just having a background in previous project management type functions and keep in mind folks - a PM is not necessarily the subject matter expert, they are what keeps the project rolling so you really don’t need to know every aspect of a program, just who to talk to and where to look.

They made me a “Deputy Program Manager” after this conversation but the bulk of my job has been the same as I started...

It didn’t help they screwed over one of my only friends I barely made at my company and he quit. I’m horrible at making friends and I respected this guy because he was one of the few people that valued my input and didn’t treat me like a high-school intern (“ok children, today we’ll learn what a work breakdown structure is…”).

Now to continue and conclude with the job topic because this horse is beat’in to death (Sorry, Not Sorry PETA), I will say that the outlook VERY recently is looking good. I have a few more interviews between a couple more companies and hopefully, I can land where my talent is useful.

School

I graduated college in 2018 the 3rd time.

This time with a master’s degree in project management as I previously mentioned. It was never my desire after graduating in 2011 to go back to school but in 2015, after watching Caitlin struggle with part-time work and full-time school, I wanted to set somewhat of an example in that you can work full-time work and school and get done with things. Fast forward to 2018 and I’m done with that and Caitlin is still in school. I am proud of this accomplishment since the 21-year-old Jason would have never believed I’d have a master’s degree.

There's some internal vindication for all those Navy Officers that were "better than me since they were Officers" or Chief’s that said “leaving the Navy would be the worst decision I ever made” that I now have a higher education than over half of them a decade later. They say revenge doesn't feel good – they are full a shit or I'm messed up. I got to fly my parents to Maryland to witness the graduation in person so at least I know they got to see that. I did enroll at Columbia Southern University in 2018 to work toward my DBA. I finished all my prerequisite classes but had to put my school on hold due to the expense of Caitlin's school doubling on me. More on this in 2019 goals. I’m looking to start that back up in the summer if all aligns properly.

Entertainment

If there’s one thing that I like to do these days is follow NASCAR. I turned into my father but don’t hate it really. Here’s me running at New Smyra Speedway this past past weekend.

youtube

Unfortunately, when it came to going to NASCAR races this year, we bet and lost on rain occurring in Atlanta (we ended up getting a cat named “Rain De’Lay” as a result and I watched the race happen on TV even though every weatherman said it was going to pour!) and Dad got sick this year and he couldn’t come to the Roval race we planned as well. We did plan the Bristol night race in 2019 so hopefully, I can have that. Caitlin was a trooper for going to the Charlotte race with me which I know she didn’t overly like which was expected...

BUT…she did go camping and see the north which leads to later this month in us going to the Asheville area of North Carolina for Christmas vacation. If there’s one time in my life I want snow to happen it’s coming up here soon.

Also in entertainment, we had mini-adventures that’s needed – I went to St. Augustine overnight hunting ghosts (or talking to a lamp) at the British Pub’s upstairs apartment.

youtube

Worth noting but technically out-of-bounds for this topic is Caitlin and I went to New Orleans LATE December 2017 (so almost 2018). I also rode in a boat during the Gasperilla festival which is a whole new level of experience. I am curious to know how many water balloons we will have this year?

We went to Daytona several times this year including our annual family stay at the timeshare and mini-getaways as recent as last week. We also explored Washington DC and Baltimore during my graduation trip.

Okay – now planning/goals out 2019…

Get a new job – This one is important since 90% of my waking existence is at a job. If I’m not happy there, it’s too my core and I’m not happy in general. I wish I was better in this area since Caitlin works in the funeral business and has a better appreciation toward the little things but it’s still a thing since it is 90% of my waking life and I’ve worked since I was 16 yrs old. I would obviously like to get paid what I feel I’m deserved too – not just get a job to get away from another job.

Vacations – I have a cruise planned in May which is almost paid for and I would like to eventually go to Las Vegas. I wouldn’t want to go to Vegas without a little money in my pocket, but we’ll see. I also have the Bristol night race in August which represents the final bucket list race I could want to do with my Dad. Does that mean I’m done after Bristol? Probably not but I could certainly wish my Dad off should he die knowing I got him there, Talledega, Daytona, Homestead, and Atlanta.

School – I got a long way to go for a DBA but I’d like to get the main classes started in 2019. I gotta wait until money isn't so tight or there are options like tuition assistance but I'd like to get started in that.

Find more friends – A lot of my friends 8 years ago I don't really relate to now. I'm simply not the same person. Those people, in most cases, are the EXACT same people and we don't relate. Going back to 90% of my day with work, I need to find work friends but certainly not at my current job where everyone I work with me is 20 years older than me or are unsociable. I mean it can't get any worse than now where I have a co-worker literally 5 feet behind me and insist to communicate primarily through email. Even if it's not "work" friends, I need friends that have the same goals, likes, and what not. That's why I like people like Eric or James– they have ambition in areas I like today. I still need to find a NASCAR buddy too but that’s surprisingly hard.

Health – Anyone that says getting older doesn’t suck can blow me. I know less than 5 years ago, I could run in the morning and had gym buddies which motivated me. Granted I was walking around like I was crippled half the time afterward, but it was fun. I really don't have that same motivation these days. I still go to the gym periodically but not as I used too. I joke about my fat head so maybe in 2019, I'll find that extra gas in the tank and while I've accepted not being 180 lbs again, maybe just looking better which will make me feel better as well.

Financially working in the right direction – To get my house, I had to use retirement money. To fix the carpet that got destroyed in Caitlin’s library, I had to use more. I have quite a bit of old debt and new debt that is higher than I like but there’s always been this assumption that I’m just waiting for the right job to pay me what I deserve, AND Caitlin will finally pull her weight since I support her. Once one or both those things happen, we will be able to work off that debt and maybe see the chances of retirement….eventually.

Potentially Move? – Given the job prospects, I’ve been looking at opportunities to leave Florida. I am so over “hot, humid, high of 100” every-freakin-day. Part of the upcoming North Carolina trip is to expose Caitlin to the cold. If she tolerates it, the option to move up north is more present. I mean hell, our house is an igloo anyway. Even still talking about moving north, moving east in Florida has the same possibilities. I know 2019 may be too soon given the dependency I have with Caitlin but given the right situation, it’s entirely possible.

Help Caitlin – I could jokingly say “well this is a huge project” but I don’t mean it like that. She’s been fighting her demons and I’ve been helping. I would also foresee myself assisting in her passing her classes and exams she needs to take but that’s really all on her and if she asks for it. In all, I just hope to continue to be a good(ish) role-model and help when I can.

Iracing – 2 more to 10…geez, we’re hitting the bottom of the barrel now. This is just a hobby, be it an expensive hobby I built up, but I hope to continue doing well in the game and not get bored with it lol. It’s just too expensive to not.

House Upgrades – I would like to upgrade the floors in the man cave and the bedroom in 2019. This is a lot of work and shifting of things since I have the master bed which is huge in one room and the racing rig and desk in the other. I have the supplies sitting in the corner collecting dust waiting to be done, but I would need to shift so much around to do it, I’ve told myself it can only be done if we move. We’ll see, not putting a lot of hope in this one but it’s number 10 on the list.

Well that’s 2019′s plans for you and some reflection on 2018. Talk to you next year Jason (and anyone else that reads my rhetoric).

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tosh123no · 2 years

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3/21/22, 10:29PM Things seem to be really good today and Im realizing its because of multiple things. The main thing to know is that we dont know anything. We really think we have something figured out and then we realize that those old and tried supposed fixes arent effective. Aside from that, today I am happy to announce to myself that I have adult adhd. Maybe not as severe as others but I defintely do. And i know my mother showed signs of it also with her strong emotions and tendency to be lazy and forget things. Now I know it wasnt laziness but actually adult ADHD. I am choosing not to medicate. So I am learning a lot about myself via this relization. Today feels really good. I feel like I havent gone over my carb limit (more on that later), I did a small work out, and I continued to learn more about myself as an ADHD adult. The first few months in my new place were rough and I feel like today out of all the days Im finally finding a balance. Could it be the new time schedule or the actual finding of a balance? Both? Because of my ADHD Im already bored of writing this post but I will press on because I want to document this. Got bit by a tick about 2 weeks after moving in and contracted Lyme. I couldnt believe it because I wasnt aware that there were ticks here since this isnt the south and I was bit inside my house. I immediately was unable to stay awake after meals and had a ton of fatigue. I was also dealing with an aggressive ant problem and when I say aggressive I mean AGGRESSIVE. The ants where climbing on me and biting me like I was a dead carcass on the side of highway 101. It was out of control. They’d bite day and night. All this coupled with the summer heat made me very upset. Why? Because I had just moved out of my 8 year long housing situation and had anticipated a new/improved life. Instead I received a myriad of new problems I had never encountered in my entire life. Thus I became very depressed and had continuous thoughts all shouting that everything was against me. I felt as if there was no way to go but down from here and lower I did go. I developed a cavity around the 4 month mark that seemed to need some sort of intervention. I was even more devestated. I had never had a cavity like this to this severity that I knew of. And the idea of having one like this made me really sad. I couldnt understant why. However all that improved as I had that taken care of and then began to cathcn onto the rhythm of my lyme symptoms a bit. Antibiotics cleared things up and a large relization came to me today, finally after all this happened. and it was that none of the things I had been doing in the last 8 yrs or recently were working for me as I thought or expected them to because changed needed to be made. This is why change is good, because sometimes we think we are on the right path or used to a certain way of doing things and then we realize that there is a better or more enjoyable way to do things or to just exist in general. So what did I take away from all this? 1, I need to learn more about myself as an adult with ADHD and use the tools available to me to improve my life. 2, Change is good. 3, I need to remain more positive in the middle of chaos. Bad things suck! Bad things happen! You can cry about it and complain but you cannot let your feelings or fears PARALYSE YOU. You’ve got to make smart decisions to keep yourself moving toward! Wise decisions that take into account all the variables and information and pros and cons and then lead up to a logical and well informed decision. That is what I have come to understand during this time.

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