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youranxiousnerd · 3 years

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The Transformation Thoughts

bc hsmtmts said gay rights

spoilers below

yesss seb doing the recap

wait did seb just say he was crying?!?! give him a hug

cow baby!!!

wow miss jenn and seb having a civil conversation

Natalie is back!!

ej and ricky with the mask

kourtney’s outfit!!!

ashlyn’s outfit...

ahh so the awards and the show are separate, good, that’s how it works

RICKY’S SHIRT!?!?!?!

i love it

ricky is lgbt do not try to convince me otherwise

ASHLYN IS SINGING IT IS BEAUTIFUL

like pop off

ricky and the mask

that mask is the true villain in season 2

“Belle, I-” flops

Ashlyn is carrying the scene, she is such a good Belle

how is ricky allowed on stage oh my god

the cap

that damn mask

“It’s okay, it was just my face”

Miss Jenn is hanging on by a thread

finally some ashlyn and ricky content

“Which they will” buddy have you faced the music? Have you seen Ricky?

“I think I might have been playing Troy at one point”

Miss Jenn needs help from someone who isn’t a teenager

“Mother is freaking out” High school theater at it’s finest

“There is math involved”

“OH”

sassy seb

i can’t with east high’s tech crew, what are you doing?!?!

and why are the actors figuring out the tech stuff?!? i’m sure kourt, big red, ashlyn (she knows all), and seb (he lives on a farm) know what to do.

the crew cannot be that bad

btw here are my thoughts on this scene

guys it is ashlyn’s house not yours

portwell shoulder bump

ASHLYN I LOVE YOU

OH SO NOW YOU HAVE DRILLS

WHERE WERE THEY WHEN THE TECHIES STARTED USING GLUE ON PLYWOOD!?!?!?!

I WANT ANSWERS

i. cannot. with. this. show.

lily wtf

“is this too weird” yes

like why?

lily like actually shut up

big red’s “wtf”

let her be evil damnit

“i’m just not well liked here” i wonder why

that was really weird, anyways

“he gets weird around tools”

me too

no give big red the drill he knows how to use it

someone write a fic about the girls and seb’s chaotic target run

why don’t you have a blackout and dramatic music and lights for the transformation, i know it isn’t award level but if done right it can be pretty dope

“I don’t know if my parents will be okay with me being at a co-ed sleepover”

“Chip, this is your mother speaking, go call your mother”

HE DID THE FINGER GUNS

GAY TABLE SIT AND FINGER GUNS THEY DID THEIR RESEARCH

ashlyn’s bucket

CARLOS GAY TABLE SIT

OH MY GOD

they’re so gay soulmates

let big red have his skateboards

“i need to talk to seb at some point but it can wait” honey no it can’t wait seb is on the verge of a breakdown

wait they havent talked in a week

Im a hypocrite ive been dancing around someone for three years

“You’re still at school”

“I’m worried about my children” “She means us”

such a high school theater thing (like i got married during high school theater, we had a family tree)

“ah, Sebby”

“Now I’m pretty sad” give him a hug

the girls ship seblos

“But, I guess he has to be, out of default, right... there’s not a lot of choices for a boy like Carlos, here, at East.”

alright here come the tears

why...why couldn’t he say “gay” or “queer” or “lgbt”?!?!

“Not so good at saying the feelings part out loud”

shiz that hit close to home.

Seb is just making me cry today, isn’t he?

wait so we’re just going to change the subject? coming from a queer person, opening up about your problems about your sexuality is hard. like, there are things that happened years ago im just telling people.

“You’re my sister, he’s my cousin”

it seems everyone except nina knows about the chocolates. imagine gossip time when gina told people write a fic

Nini just stop talking. It wasn’t a big deal, simple mistake. Not everything has to be big and dramatic

and wasn’t she just asking about Gina and Ej?

Nini for the love of god it is not something to read into.

“The farmer type”

Ash and Red exchanging gossip

wait... why are they texting about this?

“Why wouldn’t he say something to me?” It’s a hard conversation to have. “hey are we together just because i’m your only option?”

“Okay, pretty boy” HE CALLED HIM PRETTY BOY

RICKY!!!!!!!!!!

!!!

carlos and gina chaotic siblings

give ej a hug

“Sweet boy”

im so glad the guys are talking about their feelings.

Why a sleepover? It’s more of a hangout.

“Verging on failure”

jennzara therapy

slowwww burn

you go from hand holding to fist bump

disney please release an acoustic version of “let you go”

so it’s just carlos and ricky chillin’ at big red’s house?

do not play let you go for nini

do. not.

“You guys are a hallmark movie”

for once ricky is being smart

“the look on your face when you were talking about Seb tonight” smiles

he is so whipped

“I think you and Seb have something worth fighting for...bro”

that was so sweet and then there is bro

i love this show

“Sorry, I’m adjusting to being called bro”

him and seb being awkward about feelings... that is a high school relationship

i love ricky in this scene

“Yeah, let’s just write”

ASHLYN CALLED BIG RED BABE AWWWWW

nina shut the actual hell up

“It’s in the costume shop, somewhere” mood

“Thank you, 15″ THEY SAID THE THING

GAHHHH

I LOVE IT

howie and kourtney oh my god what is happening

“and begging”

“hi” he’s so nervous oh my lord.

he is so awkward around seb

it’s like a switch

“Do you want to get risotto with me sometime” OH MY GOD THATS ADORABLE

GINA BABY HE LIKES YOU

GINA HONEY!!!

AWWW THAT WAS ADORABLE

PORTWELL YESSSS

gina’s little run

“Am I in trouble?”

they’re so nervous

oh my god its time

“You keep it all bottled up” GUYS I CANT ARGGGG

can ricky just like, go behind a curtain?

“lookin’ for our kind of love” carlos basically just said “i love you”

seb is so whipped like look at him?

they’re so in love

seb’s little eye role at “in a heartbeat, i choose you”

the hands omfg

oh my god they’re going to dance

SHIZ THE HOMECOMING SUITS

I WAS RIGHT

OH MY GOD

SHIT GUYS IM DYING

gah the hands i cant

carlos is leading i love it

the tie

a tie just killed me

im combusting

You’re honor, they’re in love

i really thought carlos was going in for a kiss he is probably getting one later

i like how the dance isn’t big, it’s small and a little awkward bc right then it’s just them.

THEYRE SO IN LOVE HOLY SHIT

damnit big red

big red is legally required to interrupt almost kiss moments especially if it’s an lgbt kiss bc we cant have two in one season

in a heartbeat is so cute. Frankie showed UP this season with the vocals. there is no way that was all acting bc they looked so in love.

I...I love it

the lyrics are perfect

In a Heartbeat and Let You Go are probably the best OG songs of the season

“Siri, add In a Heartbeat to my gay sob playlist”

these boys are just serenading each other left and right

“Yeah”

so it’s just “yeah”!?!? That’s it!?!?! Seb could have least kissed him on the cheek or did they use all their kisses?

I love the song and love the scene, but there is so much more to discuss. Are we going to brush over the fact that Seb literally had an allergic reaction and didn’t get help because he didn’t want to disappoint Carlos!?!? Are we going to brush over “no, seb” and seb feeling like he has to get carlos big things!?! One “yeah” doesn’t erase all that. I’m hoping we get closure, proper closure, not a joke.

In conclusion, only one thing was settled (Carlos loves Seb for Seb, not because he is the only out guy in school).

“Seb and Carlos suffer their first fight” effing liars

BTW it looks like they filmed the dance scene with the homecoming suits and normal outfits so disney release the footage

Ricky is the biggest Seblos shipper

“Bro”

you morons. are you using rigging without an adult there?!?!

im pretty sure that isn’t allowed. only trained people were allowed to use the rigging. it should be Natalie since she did it in HSM

you should have gotten mats are something or stand in a circle

gahhh

RICKY

OH MY FRICKING GOD

NO ONE RAN THEY JUST WATCHED WTF

WTF WAS THAT ENDING

UMMMMM NO

i legit have no words oh my god

they just killed the lead

you guys saw the rope you should have ran

you should have gotten mats or blankets or something just in case

rigging is difficult, set rigging and people rigging

EAST HIGH WTF

Looks like the sleepover is going to be in the ER

My gay heart is full but my theater heart is screaming. The episode went by really fast. I liked it, like a lot.

To answer the question, no, I am not okay @organic-guacamole and we will have a theater kid sleepover

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graphicabyss · 4 years

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XVII-XVIII Century Royal Queer History

Unexpectedly to myself, I got really engaged in history of Europe of XVI-XVII centuries. I never really had much interest in kings and queens and didn't know much about them but once I began to read and learn about their personal lives, I got kinda hooked. Also, I was struck by how many of them were queer and I began to write down my findings, which inevitably turned into a freaking study. I thought I might as well post it.

I'm gonna start with King James I of England who ruled in XVII century. Now there are several tumblr posts about this queer legend. Some historians think he was weak and unremarkable but he survived several assassination attempts, kept his power over 3 countries and lived to old age, which is pretty remarkable on its own. He also kept all the religious leaders at bay and commissioned the world's most famous Bible, which is still owned by most Christians 400 years later. He was also the one who created the modern wedding ritual. You know, church, vows, rings, that stuff. He avoided wars and was a patron of the arts, even wrote some books, including one about demons, werewolves and vampires. What a nerd. He was very different from Elizabeth who preceded him, so one contemporary epigram stated "Elizabeth was King, now James is Queen". Oh, also he was very gay. Or, at least, as gay as a king can get. His relationships with his male courtiers were notorious. He had several favourites who had way too much influence over him and his court really hated it.

He needs to have a movie made about him, seriously. I found only one semi-documentary film and it was The King James Bible: The Book That Changed The World (2011). While I liked the film and King James was hot, sassy and very cool, it was disappointing he was shown as perfectly straight. They could just avoid his personal life altogether, but instead they chose to show him being a perfect husband. While it is true that he was nice to his bride, by the time he met her he had a 10-year old relationship with a man 24 years his senior (since he was 14). I'm just gonna use this screenshot from the movie instead of a painting because it's too good.

Perhaps the most notorious of his alleged lovers was George Villiers, 1st Duke of Buckingham. Starting out as a son of a minor gentleman, the 21-year old lad caught the eye of King James I and quickly became his favourite teasing him by dancing in intricate performances called masques. He made a brilliant career becoming a knight, an earl, a Marquess, and finally a duke - a title normally being reserved for members of the royal family - within just 9 years. Can you blame him though? I mean, look at that stud.

Btw, James’ pet name for Buckingham was ‘Steenie’, derived from St. Stephen who reportedly had the face of an angel.

The name Buckingham seemed oddly familiar to me but it took some time before I realized he was one of the characters in Dumas's "The Three Musketeers". Now I am someone who grew up on old pure Three Musketeers movies so when I started learning about the real historical figures involved in it it gave me a slight shock as the truth is way more weird and sinister that fiction.

The storyline I remember the most was the one where Anne of Austria, the queen of France, got in trouble with her husband Louis XIII because of her affair with Duke of Buckingham. Of course, Duke of Buckingham was never the Queen's lover, he was the King's. What's more, some historians assume Louis XIII was also queer. There is no evidence that Louis kept mistresses, but he had very intimate relationships with his favourites. He has even been described as “repelled by female contact”. There's also the issue of him struggling to have an heir. His wife had 4 pregnancies that were unsuccessful but that seemed like too few for a king who needed to secure his dynasty. After 23 years of trying, the king and queen were finally able to produce a son and another soon followed, the older son to become Louis XIV, and the younger, Philippe, to be known as Duke of Orleans.

Anne was quite the character for a dramatic story too. After Louis's death she became the Regent and made sure to clear the way for her son Louis. To ensure that Louis's younger brother will not try to usurp the power from him as it was with Louis XIII 's brother, Anne of Austria conducted an early and very wicked gender development experiment. She and her adviser, Cardinal Mazarin, set up a plan to raise the two boys very differently. Queen Anne called Philippe by such nicknames as "my little girl" and encouraged him to dress in feminine clothing, which he sometimes did even as an adult.

I'm just gonna use this quote because this shit is real: The queen and Mazarin discouraged the duc d'Anjou [Philippe] from traditional manly pursuits such as arms and politics, and encouraged him to wear dresses, makeup, and to enjoy feminine behaviour. His inclination toward homosexuality was not discouraged, with the hope of reducing any threat he may have posed to his older brother. Reportedly, Cardinal Mazarin even commanded his nephew, Philippe, to de-flower the king's younger brother.

Well, fuck. The joke's on them though, as Philippe grew up to be a fashion icon AND a fierce warrior. He participated in many battles and was immensely praised for his bravery and valour. In 1677, he led the French forces at the Battle of Cassel against William III of Orange of the Netherlands. Yes, that guy who later gently invaded England and took the throne. By the way, there are some allegations that he was also gay. Anyway, Philippe was so badass in battle that people glorified him as a hero and it made his stallion of a brother so jealous he sent him back and never allowed him on the battlefield again. Louis XIV continued his mother's effort in encouraging his brother's effeminate behaviour and putting up with his homosexual relationships, all the while waging a war of homosexuality in France. I mean, gotta preserve the traditional values, such as fucking 12 mistresses who were often married. There were even rumours Louis fucked Philippe's wife. I guess he was trying to make up for his father, brother, son, and uncle, César de Vendôme. Meanwhile, Philippe gave no fucks. He had a number of favourites and didn't even try to hide his sexuality. In fact, it is said that every time Louis pissed him off, Philippe did something extra gay and in his face. Fierce.

One guy I have to mention is Armand, the Comte de Guiche, who was said to be handsome, vain, and manipulative. Armand was Philippe’s lover, but he is widely thought to have been his wife Henrietta’s lover as well. That apparently wasn’t enough for the guy, because in 1665 he also tried to romance Louise de La Valliere, who was Louis’ chief mistress at the time. Louis exiled him in 1662 for plotting with Henrietta to break up Louis and Louise. What a glorious fucker.

But the love of Philippe's life was Chevalier de Lorraine who was basically a prince of a realm outside France. He's usually called 'Chevallier' but his name was also Philippe. He also had an older brother named Louis. Seriously, couldn't they try a little harder with the names? Anyway, when they met Philippe was 18 and Chevalier 15 and sparks flew. He was described as being “as beautiful as an angel” and was more than ready to use what his mama gave him. He was smart and very manipulative and Philippe showered him with gifts all his life, much to the chagrin of his two wives whose money and estates he often gave away.

He moved to Palais-Royal, the same palace as Philippe and his wife Henriette. Very convenient. Philippe's marriage got kinda crowded. Chevalier got so arrogant, he actually told Philippe's wife she needs his permission to sleep with him and that he could get him to divorce her. She complained to the king and he got Chevalier imprisoned and exiled. However, not for long as Philippe pleaded the king to pardon him and eventually succeeded. Henriette did not get much relief apparently as she wrote: “I see from the ashes of Monsieur’s love for the Chevalier, as from the dragon’s teeth, a whole brood of fresh favourites are likely to spring up to vex me.” Of course, Chevalier also managed to enrich himself immensely by getting Philippe and the king to give him and his family tons of perks, such as make him the titular Abbot of four abbeys, which payed handsomely.

Henriette died very suddenly claiming she was poisoned. The doctors found no evidence of that, but there were still rumours that Chevalier was to blame. Philippe had to find another wife, even if he wasn't happy about it. Chevalier stuck around. He was exiled a second time after he apparently seduced the king's son (more on that later) but was able to return again. Their relationship lasted for 40 years, until Philippe's death.

There was a recent TV show called Versailles that depicts Louis XIV’s reign and it has a fairly accurate though romanticized portrayal of Philippe and Chevalier's relationship. Too bad the show is way too violent for me to watch. They look stunning in it~

Anyway, such relationships were far from rare. In fact, apparently there were the so-called confréries (“fraternities”), which were basically gay brotherhoods whose members hung out together and set up orgies. One elite brotherhood was founded between 1680 and 1682. Apart from Chevalier, it included the king Louis XIV's cousin Prince of Conti who was once proclaimed the King of Poland, and Louis's illegitimate son, the comte de Vermandois. The latter was 15 in 1682 when at the court of his uncle Philippe, he met the Chevalier de Lorraine and his sect and apparently got very personally acquainted with Chevalier's younger brother and nephew. When the king learned about it, the group was forcibly dissolved and Vermandois was beaten before the king, exiled from court, and forced into marriage. Another such group was within the highest ranks of nobility at the court of Philippe II, Duke of Orléans, the son of Philippe and the regent at the time when Louis XV was young. They really didn't bother with names, huh? Anyway, they got involved in a number of scandals, in one of which that happened in 1722 a group of 17 noble men gathered in the palace gardens to fuck. The Regent didn't seem very bothered and even seemed to find it amusing.

The Regent, who did not stop smiling, was satisfied that it was necessary to give the nobles a harsh reprimand and tell them that they do not have the best taste [goût] in the world.

Dad would be proud.

There were also some (presumably) queer queens, like Queen Anne of England. Now you might have seen the movie The Favourite but it's heavily satirized and Anne wasn't really childlike and helpless. Actually, this image was created by Sarah Churchill, Duchess of Marlborough, after she was expelled by Anne, and stuck. However, the rivalry between the old and new favourites was very real.

Anne met Sarah when she was just 8. Sarah was beautiful, charming and very persuasive. When Anne became the queen, she made Sarah Churchill her Mistress of the Robes (the highest office in the royal court that could be held by a woman) and gave her a bunch of other really cool titles. She also made her husband, John Churchill, a duke. Thus Sarah became the most powerful person in England after the queen and the queen always listened to her advice. However, as years went by, Sarah became increasingly pushy and insensitive, using the queen to get what she wanted.

Sarah looking fab~

Then comes Abigail Masham, Sarah's impoverished cousin. Abigail was soft, caring and considerate, exactly what the queen needed. Sarah tried to get rid of her but it only angered the queen further and she eventually dismissed Sarah and her husband and banished them with disgrace while Abigale took her place. Sarah then wrote scandalous memoirs, painting the queen as weak and instable, as well as implying that her relationship with Abigail was lesbian. In mid-1708, she helped to circulate a ballad with such lyrics as: “Her secretary she was not / Because she could not write / But had the conduct and the care / Of some dark deeds at night.”

While there is no direct evidence that she and Anne had sexual relationship, there are many letters between the women that are very romantic and intimate. Sarah even used them to blackmail the queen. And you can kinda see why. “Tis impossible for you ever to believe how much I love you except you saw my heart,” the princess wrote in one letter, as quoted in Anne Somerset’s biography of Anne. “If I writ whole volumes I could never express how well I love you,” read another.

Also, like, evidence was hardly even a thing with queer relationships, since the only solid evidence of regular affairs were illegitimate children.

Finally, I really want to talk about Frederick II, the king of Prussia. Buckle up because this is gonna be long.

Until the age of 7 Frederick was growing up with his lit mother and sister. Here they are, looking gorge. I think he's in blue but tbh I'm not 100% sure.

Anyway, as he got older he was taken to his father and that's when things got shitty. His father, Frederick William I, was the model image of toxic masculinity. He was all about power and military and expected his son to be the same. And since the boy was a lot more into music, poetry, and French stuff, his father often beat and humiliated him. He didn't allow him to learn French and Latin because, like, that's so gay. Now he was a real man. With a weird kink for tall guys. He is known for creating the Potsdam Giants, a regiment of very tall men that he didn't use for battle, just dressing them up and making them march. Ultimate straightness. It is probably redundant to say but his father also hated 'sodomy' and it was punishable by death, a law Frederick would repeal.

And the thing is, Frederick wasn't even supposed to become a king. He was the third son. It wasn't even disease. The first son died because a volley was fired close to his crib (because that’s the only way to wake up a real man - canon) and the second died at baptism because the royal crown crushed his skull. And you thought your parents were bad. Poor Frederick didn't even want to be a king, he just wanted to play the flute and do his thing. In a different age he'd be writing musicals on Broadway or something.

Anyway, there are few doubts among historians the man was gay. There's this BBC documentary that downplays it but it keeps saying he grew up in an environment where he was "leading a double life" and that he once wrote to a close friend that he felt he was a mirror that dared not be what nature made it, forced to oblige what was around it. Please.

Frederick's first presumed relationship was at 16, with Keith, the king's 17-year-old page. Unsurprisingly, Keith was soon sent to a far-off frontier. Right after that, however, Frederick got real close with an officer Hans Hermann von Katte. The dude was very woke and they both loved music and poetry but shit got very real very soon. In 1730, Katte and Frederick decided to flee to Britain to escape their despotic fathers. Sadly, they got caught and tried for treason. Although the prince was pardoned, Katte was sentenced to life imprisonment, which his sick dad changed to execution and then forced Frederick to watch it. At execution Katte and Fred shouted to each other endearments in French and before it happened, Frederick fainted. That shit really fucked him up and he got depressed but he toughened up and accepted his fate.

Aged about 20, Frederick was expected to marry. After a few failed attempts, an Austrian bride was selected, Elisabeth Christine of Brunswick-Bevern. Frederick was clearly unexcited and apparently even threatened suicide. As soon as he had secured throne, he sent her away and only met with her out of necessity. They had no children. And some historians are like, "well, they just didn't get along". Well, his folks hated each other but it didn't stop them from having 14 children.

Anyway, his father finally got off his back and as a crown prince, he mostly spent his time reading, composing, watching plays and writing woke political essays. Then his dad died so playtime was over.

Now that sounds like a story of a "weak" king. A man who loved to read books and play his flute. But it's not how it was. As Fred became king, he inherited a very militarized state with a huge-ass army and he worked with what he had. He started expanding Prussia, starting with Austria, which he had old beef with. He wasn't out for world conquest, he struck swiftly and strategically to consolidate and strengthen his state.

Frederick, widely known as Frederick the Great, waged war against much bigger armies with great success and doubled Prussia's size in his reign. Which is why Hitler was obsessed with the guy smh. Would make more sense if he was into the Frederick Senior, with his militarism and his little hobby of inbreeding giants and all. He must have missed the part where he was tolerant, modest and also gay.

Frederick also had a younger brother, Prince Henry, who was also gay. He was an important general in the king's army, though their relationship was quite complicated. Henry married but like his brother, bore no children, ignored his wife and spent time with fine lads.

Look at this unapologetic legend!

When Frederick wasn't battling, he was doing lit stuff. He built a gorgeous palace in French fashion, full of Grecian sculptures and homoerotic paintings. He attracted the best intellectual minds of his time. Voltaire lived there for 3 years btw and he did not hold back to make many "wink wink" references to the king and his Grecian taste.

Speaking of which... One of his closest friends was Michael Gabriel Fredersdorf, an army private and a son of a peasant. Frederick met him as a prince and kept him by his side for the rest of his life, quite literally as he had an adjoined bedroom in his palace. He also made him a chancellor and gave him an estate, which really pissed off the elites.

Frederick is a complex character. Sure, he waged war and very successfully asserted himself as one of the top military leaders in history. But at the time Prussia was a scattered landlocked state, it couldn't just opt out of war so it's not like he could just go "peace out, bitches". But he did so much more. The guy actually believed that the king's duty was to be just and improve the lives of his people. He did some major reforms, improved education, supported art, and practiced religious tolerance, which was pretty woke at the time. He abolished torture and corporal punishment. He made governing more democratic by hiring people based on ability, not just status. Sadly, his cool legacy was utterly destroyed because the Nazi decided to appropriate him as their idol but lately it’s being reassessed. It’s hard to judge him considering how much he went through. But despite it all he became one of the best military commanders in history, one of the most woke and talented monarchs, and of course a legendary queer!

Disclaimer: I know all of these people did some terrible shit, at least by modern standards, but I'm here to have fun so I'm not going to go there now. Sources: medium.com/@LukeBoneham/the-politics-of-desire-... thehistoryofparliament.wordpress.com/2019/02/21... www.ranker.com/list/life-of-philippe-dorleans/m... cour-de-france.fr/vie-quotidienne/sociabilite-e... aelarsen.wordpress.com/2018/07/20/versailles-th... thedrummersrevenge.wordpress.com/2007/06/22/ref... dirtysexyhistory.com/2017/09/03/a-secret-gay-br... unspeakablevice.tumblr.com/post/82525976110/lou... journals.openedition.org/crcv/14427#ftn161 Marie Antoinette's World: Intrigue, Infidelity, and Adultery in Versailles The Real Versailles - BBC Two

BBC Four - Frederick the Great and the Enigma of Prussia https://medium.com/war-is-boring/historys-greatest-gay-general-fd7d1d311464 https://www.queerportraits.com/bio/frederick https://www.spectator.com.au/2015/10/frederick-the-great-king-of-prussia-is-a-great-read/ http://gayinfluence.blogspot.com/2011/10/frederick-great-1712-1786.html https://www.history.com/news/true-story-queen-anne-sarah-abigail-the-favourite-fact-check

#King James I #Duke of Buckingham #George Villiers #Philippe Duke of Orleans #Queer History #Chevalier de Lorraine #Queen Anne of England #Frederick the Great

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inky-duchess · 4 years

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21 History Ancedotes for my 21st Birthday

So today I celebrate my 21st birthday and I have decided to gift you all with 21 of my favourite historical Ancedotes. Some are funny, some are sad and some are plain bizarre but I hope the make your day 💜

Mary Maloney, an Irish-born suffragette in England followed Winston Churchill around while he was campaigning for a seat in Parliament, drowning out everything he said with a very large bell and calls for him to apologise for his comments on women's rights and suffrage movements.

Clodius Pulcher was a well born Roman noble during the last day's of the Republic. He gave up his Patrician status to become Tribune of the Plebs (an office in which one had to be a Pleb) by being adopted by a much younger Plebian man who became his "father". Clodius was a bit of a riot, sneaking into religious festivals dressed like a woman to sleep with Caesar's wife, building a shrine to Liberty in the ruins of the Conservative Cicero, vetoed the last speech of one of the Consuls (who basically did nothing all year and was apparently going to roast Caesar) and burned down the Senate House with his funeral pyre (the Plebs who loved him literally tearing up the furniture to build his pyre). He was honestly the best fun.

When laying on her deathbed, Queen Caroline of Ansbach turned to her husband George II of England and told him he should marry again. George refused to ever wed again... But added he would have mistresses. Caroline said , likely with a roll of her eyes, "oh my god that doesn't matter."

Florence was a pretty cool city in the Renaissance until Savanorola came to town. He disliked the loose living artists that crowded the city, with their naked pagan gods and rampant homosexuality. He expelled them all with help of the French hoping to make Florence Holy Again. When the Borgia Pope excommunicated him and sentenced him to death, one man in the crowd was reported to have said. "thank God, niw we can return to sodomy." One Floretine man in the 1490s said Gay Rights.

So this list couldn't be complete without an entry of the only American politician I love, Alexander Hamilton who was just a walking entity of sass. I could go on about his sharp sarcasm or his disaster bi vibes with John Lauren's but my all time favourite Alexander Hamilton ancedote has to be this exchange with Thomas Jefferson "There are approximately 1010300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly explain how much I want to hit you with a chair."

Caterina Sforza was an Italian noble woman during the Renaissance. She was apart of the powerful Sforza family, which drew many enemies to her. One fateful day at Forli, Caterina's children were snatched as hostages. The besiegers threatened to kill her children if she did not cede the castle. Caterina refused, lifting her skirts and shouted to the besiegers that she had the means to make more children.

Hannibal Lecter's creator Thomas Harris was happy to end his great character's story with the original trilogy. However his publishers forced him to write an unneeded prequel explaining why Hannibal became Hannibal. Thomas Harris agreed lest he lose the rights to his character so he wrote Hannibal Rising, where Hannibal as a young man hunts down the Nazis who ate his sister with a katana.

Nell Gwyn is my favourite mistress of Charles II, mainly because of her sass. Once while trapped in the middle of a riot where Londoners swamped her carriage thinking she was Charles's Catholic mistress. She popped her head out the carriage and told the people "Pray good people be civil. I am the Protestant whore." She also dosed her rival Moll Davis with laxatives in order to free up some of Charles's time and she once flashed her underwear at the French ambassador after asking him why the Franch King did not pay her to spy on Charles because she was with him every night. A true Queen.

Emperor Ai of the Han Dynasty of China once rose from his bed to go do some ruling when he realised his lover, Dong Xian was sleeping on his sleeve. Rather than disturb his lover, the Emperor cut his sleeve off at the wrist to leave Dong Xian nap. Nothing has ever been more romantic than that. Y'all could never.

Princess Margaret the sister of current Queen Elizabeth II was a socialable Princess and often tasked to visit the up and coming music stars of the day on behalf of the Crown. When meeting the Beatles one evening, she noticed George Harrison was acting a little odd. When she asked what was the matter, he replied "We arent allowed eat until you go." Princess Margaret laughed and promptly left so the Beatles could get some dinner.

During the Siege of Jadotsville, Irish soldiers under the flag of the UN were attacked and besieged by local insurgents allied with the Katanga Regime. The insurgents numbered thousands while the Irish only had 158 soldiers, all who were lightly armed. They radioed to their allies assuring them that "we will hold out until our last bullet is spent. Could use some whiskey though".

Napoleon was famous for writing raunchy letters to his wife, the Empress Josephine while he was away. She used to reply with really mundane letters or not at all. She really just could not be bothered with him.

Josip Broz Tito was so fed up with Joseph Stalin sending assassins to kill him, he wrote to Stalin personally to say "If you don't stop sending assassins to kill me. I will send one to Moscow and I won't have to send another." It didn't work but Big Dick Energy.

Successful Roman soldiers returning from war often got to march along in parades known as Triumphs. During this, it was customary for them to sing bawdy songs about their commander. One surviving one about Caesar goes like this "Romans, lock up your wives. Here comes the bald adulterous whore. We pissed away your gold in Gaul and come to borrow more."

Matilda, Lady of the English was a woman so badass that history cannot handle her. She was the daughter of Henry I who left his throne to her after the death of her brother. She was away in France when her father died and her throne was snatched by her cousin Stephen. They battled back and forth for years with neither side ceding any ground. Matilda was once besieged in a castle during a snow storm, with Stephen's men all around her. Instead of fighting her way out. She simply donned a white cloak and walked out of the castle. Just walked out without any of Stephen's men seeing her.

Pedro of Portugal once fell in love with a beautiful lady in waiting called Inez de Castro. For years, they lived as man and mistress, popping out a few kinds. Pedro's dad really did not like Inez and wanted Pedro to find a legitimate wife so he had her killed. Pedro returned home to find the mother of his children dead. Pedro went a little crazy. He had all his father's assassins killed, ripping out their hearts as they had done to him. When Pedro ascended the throne, he demanded the Pope legitimize his children by Inez. The Pope not wanting to upset the King, said he couldn't because Inez was never crowned Queen. Pedro dug Inez up and crowned her as Queen, having all the nobility swear loyalty to her corpse. The Pope had no choice but to agree to his request.

A famously clever general once saved an entire city with an ingenious stragety to sit outside the city waiting for the attacking army to come. The attack had come to fast for the city to ready themselves for a Siege so, the general had to move quickly. He evacuated the city and took his place waiting for the army to come. The enemy forces stopped and took one look at him and bolted, thinking he meant to lure them in one of his famous traps.

Michaelangelo was really badly treated by the Vatican when he was painting the Sistine Chapel. He constantly fought with the Popes over the design and his work, which he was paid peanuts for. Michaelangelo got his revenge in his work, painting the gates of Hell behind the Papal Throne and an angel flipping the ol' fig (the Renaissance version of the bird) toward the Pope's chair.

Peter the Great was not a perfect guy. He kept serfdom as a practise in his kingdom, he had his son tortured to death and he could be an unpleasant guy. But Peter was a dreamer. He wanted nothing more to build a fleet for Russia and bring Russia beyond its borders. Peter took a gap year from ruling Russia to wander around Europe. When he stopped in England, he was granted Leicester House to chill in while he did his shipwright studies. It was here that Peter found a new passion. The wheelbarrow. Cue Peter and his new found English buddies drinking in Leicester House, punching the artwork and rolling each other around in barrels across the house's Great gardens.

Diogenes is hands down a walking shit post. He was a great thinker in Greece during the reign of Alexander but a rather dry, sarcastic wit. He lived in a pithos/a jar because he shunned all vanities and values of society. He trolled other philosophers, attending their debates to heckle them and eat loud foods through them. When Alexander the Great came to fan boy over him, saying that if he were not Alexander he would like to be Diogenes to which Diogenes just said "yeah me too, now get out of my sunlight."

Cosimo de Medici was the son of a Floretine banker with a great knowledge and love of art. Cosimo wished for Florence to release its potentially and join the Renaissance. He hired Filippo Brunelleschi to finsh the Great Dome of Santa Maria del Fiore which had láin unfinished for over a century, a symbol of a failure of ambition. The builders had lost the knowledge of creating a dome so large so it remained unfinished. Despite much opposition from the other nobility and denouncers of the Renaissance, Cosimo's dream of the completion of the dome was completed, making it the largest brick dome in creation at that time. There is nothing like achieving your dreams and certainly nothing like leaving a lasting reminder that screams 'I was right and you were wrong' to stand for centuries.

#Instead of doing shots I decided to give you all a gift #History is our greatest gift #And it's filled with dick jokes and idiots #Anyway happy birthday to me #Go forth and enjoy this great gift #history dump #History Ancedotes #History bites: kinda?

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wanyinchen · 4 years

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(I may have accidentally deleted the ask and the post whoops sorry, anon!) HOLY CRAP YES PLS OMG TALK TO ME MORE They literally are the best team ever? Like I am such a sucker for found family tropes you have no idea. The idea of these four people, so different from one another and are, in varying degrees, considered as outsiders found a bond with each other so strong and I- AHHHH I CAN’T NOT LOVE THEM. I’ve always imagined them to be all orphans and then finally, they found these people who could and would always be their home, and where they could feel safe, loved and cared for, a family. I-I’m weak-*chokes back the tears* I have always had a hard time making friends in my younger years and I was a bit of a loner at childhood, and now as I am older and found friends who I could laugh with and keep secrets with, who I could be myself with and who I could always be with, I FELT THAT WITH TEAM GAI, OK? THEIR TEAMWORK AND CLOSENESS?? YEAH BABY! Sure I could relate on Nart or some other character but something clicked in me with Rock Lee and Gai. Like holy crap these are not the type of characters I usually love but there’s something about these two adorable bowl-cut, spandex wearing angels that compel me to them so much. Hardwork, effort, and dedication is something I very much value but not always “do”, they’ve become one of my inspirations to do better and be better and all around help me make good decisions with the question “would Lee and Gai be proud of me if I do this?” fuck I am such a loser but I just hecking love them so much. Rock Lee is the love of my life and I love him to bits, this kid is super precious and so sweet and so polite, like omg I want him, he literally is boyfriend material and I just super love him and whoever ended up with this sweetheart, I congratulate you, you have eyes more powerful than all the ‘-gans’ in the world and you have caught the greatest treasure. Neji is a complex character, a true genius but always considered to be inferior from the main Hyuuga family just because he was from the branch family, he was this happy kid and then was so jaded by his dad’s death, like I just want to hug him. He had such a compelling character arc and development, evolving from this bitter (and with reason!) and angry kid to this mature teen who empathizes and loves his team and cousin very much. He became somewhat more mellow, gentle, and approachable now that he found a true family with team gai. HE SHOULDN’T HAVE DIED, IT WAS A BS PLOT DESICION AND I WAS LIKE CRYING AND WHAT???? FOR WHAT?? IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE, HIASHI SHOULD’VE DIED INSTEAD FFS. And then there’s my queen Tenten, the one who aspired to be like Tsunade, the greatest medical nin and the strongest kunoichi, but along the way, with her DAD’S (Gai’s) help, she discovered that she just wanted to be a great and strong kunoichi at her own right and at her abilities(!!!). Despite her clear insecurities, hotheadedness, and not getting what she wanted at first, she still strived to be better, and perseveres to keep up with her team mates. And hello? Space time ninjutsu is super cool? Like summon a shit ton of weapons all at once out of mid air and heck?? How was this not exploited and utilized by Kishi?? Give me a solo Tenten sword fight with a powerful enemy?? She’s a weapon’s mistress FFS, how come Sasuke and Orochimaru gets sword fights when SHE, the thing she specialized on, didn’t get to have one?? Fuck what this is BS I swear AND HOLY ROCK LEE I need all of my kids to be legit taijutsu masters and is actually shown to be unparalleled at it compared to other nins and kids since its KING MAITO GAI himself teaching them taijutsu holy ass is that too much to ask for??? Wait, let me gush about Gai, he’s literally my favorite character. He’s the best dad, I want him to be my dad. I really love my father but I want Gai (and Dai) to be my dad, ya know what I mean?? He’s so supportive, loving, and he really just gives his all in caring for you. He’s forgiving and firm and crap I want a mentor like that. He’s such a excellent sensei and are one of the best adults in Naruto. He’s so unconventionally handsome and attractive?? He’s so confident?? He’s so amazing?? He’s so emotionally intelligent?? He defies the unjust expectations set by others and said “fuck you” to it?? And he’s super crazy strong? Like literally feared and famed, I bet enemy and rogue nin just tremble at the mention of his name, a peep about “The Noble Blue Beast of Konoha” would have enemies wetting their pants. He’s one of the elites and is one of the strongest in the Konoha? Heck the world?? He went from this below mediocre adorable runt to this feared and very powerful jonin?? And he did this without ninjutsu, hacks, and any kekei genkai?? Only through pure hardwork and dedication?? He developed the Strong Fist style?? Yeah break dem bones, my king!! I only stan legends. He is literally the light of my and Kakashi’s life. Whether you ship kakagai platonically or romantically, dude you better believe that Gai is one of the most precious people of Kakashi. Kakashi literally trusts no one more implicitly than Gai. Like this hella paranoid and self-sacrificing silver haired dog boi trusted Gai to watch his ex-anbu traumatized ass and be there for him at all times of trouble??? And Gai being there for Kakashi so unfailingly for all of their lives??? For all the dark times in their lives, they'll always have each other no questions?? They're each other's constant?? They love each other so much?? No one knows them like the other??? Uhh hello?? Like why do some writers write Gai as this weird ass buffoon idiot who goddamn annoys Kakashi 24/7? And then Kakashi doesn't even like him and pushes him away, super annoyed?? What. Are we talking about the same characters?? They are each other's best friend. Goddamned soulmates. Eternal rivals. They all have such untapped potential that I am breathing hard in frustration. I still stand by my claim that we should’ve had Team Gai as protagonists like fuck. This is the hill I will die on, I want them, I want to see their bond, I want their stories, I want to witness their development?? Like why nerf these beautiful characters I hate it here WHOOPS, HAHAHAHAA! That was rather ineloquent and vulgar, uuhh forgive me! I hope I could talk to you again, anon! Thank you for enabling me and helping me warm up my brain in answering my summative essays, I feel like writing again! And pls send asks, i wanna make new friends

#kakagai #team guy #might guy #rock lee #tenten #neji hyuga #kakashi hatake #i could talk about them for days #sorry again anon! HEHEHEHE #i said what i said #hahahaha #asks

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girlwithshipsshitshow · 4 years

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Part 21

Takahiro: We need to talk. (His speech was still slightly slurred).

Usagi: Ar- are you drunk?

Takahiro: Only a little bit. Is my family there?

Usagi: (Sighs, leans against the wall, crossing his arms), That depends, what family are you talking about?

Takahiro: My wife and Kid.

Usagi: So not the baby brother you claim to care so much about, only to get drunk because you hate the fact that he’s gay?

Takahiro: You don’t Understand.

Usagi: What I understand is, that the you’re going to lose the brother you say you care about so much if you don’t come to terms with who he is and his happiness. I think you should probably figure your shit out before his graduation, or you might lose him forever.

Takahiro: B-

Usagi: I have to go, I think it’s better if you give everyone space. (Hangs up, Misaki Runs into his arms, tears are in his eyes). Did you hear all that?

Misaki: Yeah.

Usagi: I’m sorry.

Misaki: It’s not you’re fault. Um, can we just go to bed.

Usagi: Sure, yeah. It’s been a long day. (He picked the younger boy up cradling him in his arms, heading up the stairs to their room).

Misaki: (Wraps his arms around his neck), I didn’t ask you to do this.

Usagi: (Laughs softly), Yeah, but you aren’t really complaining.

(Usagi walked into their room, closing the door behind him, sitting Misaki on the bed, he grinned staring down at him causing Misaki to blush.)

Misaki: What?

Usagi: (Leans down, pushing hair behind Misaki's ear. He smiles warmly kissing him on the lips.) You’re so fucking sexy. I- miss you.

Misaki: (He sighed, rubbing his hands up and down Usagi’s arms), I miss you too.

Usagi: Can’t we, (He gave a naughty smile, sliding his hands under Misaki’s shirt, playing with his nipples).

Misaki: (Moans slightly), No baby, you know we can’t.

Usagi: You aren’t making any effort to move my hands.

Misaki: It feels good, I miss it, but no. (He took Usagi’s hands out of his shirt), stop babe.

Usagi: (Sits on the bed beside him), Look, I just think we can have sex, what's the worst that can happen?

Misaki: Your stiches that are barely healed could come undone, then you have to get them fixed, and we’ll have to wait longer. You just got home from the hospital a few days ago and for some reason I just let you lift me.

Usagi: We’ll the Doc said, no heavy lifting so...

Misaki: Hey... (He knocked against Usagi), I just want you to be carful.

Usagi: We’ll can we sleep with our shirts off?

Misaki: You have to promises no nipple play.

Usagi: Okay. (He grinned, ripping Misaki’s shirt off pushing him on the bed hungrily kissing him).

Misaki: (He looks up at the older man, running his fingers through his hair, moving his arms down to the bottom of his shirt, slowly taking it off. Misaki ran his hands over the older mans back.)

Usagi: I thought we weren’t doing this. (He grins placing kisses all over Misaki’s face.)

Misaki: We aren’t, but, that doesn’t mean I can’t feel your back right? I miss the feel of it.

Usagi: You’re cute.

Misaki: (Blushes), you know how I feel about that word.

Usagi: Yeah, you love it.

Misaki: I actually have grown to love it.

Usagi: Because you know it’s true.

Misaki: Maybe, (The younger boy shivers)

Usagi: Are you cold?

Misaki: Yeah, it’s freezing.

Usagi: (He smiles, pulling the covers around them, turning now the two were on their sides). Better?

Misaki: Not quite. (He grinned, turning to Usagi, so his head was on his chest), perfect.

Usagi: (Grins, Wrapping his arms around Misaki). Absolutely.

(The two fell asleep, wrapped in each others arms, their hearts syncing, beating as one).

(Usagi was the first to wake, it was around seven thirty am, Misaki was sound asleep, his head resting against Usagi’s chest, the older man smiled gently pressing a kiss against his head. He loved Misaki so much, he wished Takahiro would accept Misaki, he knew Usagi was Gay and didn’t mind, Misaki was probably right, his brother had this whole life planned out for him, and his plans didn’t include him being gay, let alone falling in love with his brother best friend. Takahiro would have to get over it, Misaki was who he was, and he couldn’t change that, and it’s not like they planned to fall in love, Usagi clearly remembers that they hated each other at first. Usagi laughed to himself, he couldn’t believe almost five years ago they met, and a few months after that they started dating, although, he still feels awful about the way he treated him when he first came to his place, Misaki forgives him but Usagi still feels sick when you thinks about it. He closed his eyes trying to push the memory away again. Misaki stirred, he stretched looking up at the older man.)

Misaki: Hi, (He grinned, blushing).

Usagi: Morning. Did you sleep well?

Misaki: Yeah, I guess. (He ran his hand over Usagi's muscular chest). Did you?

Usagi: Mmmmm.

Misaki: Good. (He sat up pulling the covers around him, he looked down at Usagi who propped himself up on his elbow, grinning at him).

Usagi: What is it baby? (he ran his hand up Misaki’s thigh).

Misaki: Um, (Misaki twisted his engagement ring around on his finger), Never mind its nothing. I- I’m going to take a shower. (Misaki started to get out of bed, but Usagi reached for him).

Usagi: Tell me what’s wrong.

Misaki: Todays Saturday.

Usagi: Ah, (He sat up, giving him a confused look), and Saturdays make you sad?

Misaki: I graduate next week.

Usagi: So you’re nervous?

Misaki: No, I- (He looked down at the floor), I guess I don’t know how to feel, and with everything going on right now, Maybe I don’t want to Graduate.

Usagi: I know. (He sat on the edge of the bed) Come here, (He pulled Misaki on his lap), What do you want to do?

Misaki: Well, I want to take a shower. (He giggled), Um then I want to go get breakfast.

Usagi: Okay, where do you want to go?

Misaki: Lets go to the place we went yesterday? I know it’s out of the way, but can it be our place?

Usagi: Might as well be, It’s going to be close to our house.

Misaki: Okay. Also, I know you told my brother he should give us space but what i-

Usagi: No baby, you can’t go to him. it’s his job to figure this out. If you make up with him, he’ll think he’s off the hook, he’s not.

Misaki: Yeah, I guess. I just want to do something.

Usagi: (Caressing Misaki's face), I know, because your a fixer, this is different though.

Misaki: I know, (Kiss Usagi’s cheek), I’m going to take a shower. (Stands up).

Usagi: Can I come?

Misaki: (Rolls eyes), Fine, but no funny business.

Usagi: (Laughs, standing up), I KNOW! I KNOW! (Wraps arms around Misaki placing kisses on his neck).

Misaki: (Giggles); Hey, quite it.

Usagi: You said no funny business, you didn’t say no kissing.

Misaki: (Runs into bathroom), Sneaky.

Usagi: (Grins, chases after him).

Mahiro: Mommy, I’m hungry! (lying on his stomach, legs in the air, reading a book).

Manami: (On the couch flipping through channels), I know honey, but it sounds like your Uncles are up, so maybe when they come downstairs we can figure out breakfast. I can get you some juice and crackers for now?

Mahiro: Okay!

Manami: Alight, (she grins, standing up, ruffling Mahiro’s hair as she passes him walking into the kitchen).

Mahiro: Mom, when will Mitaki and Uangi get married?

Manami: I don’t know sweetie: (Brings snacks to him).

Mahiro: Are they going to have kids?

Manami: Maybe, why? you want cousins?

Mahiro: Yeah! Plus, I think they would make good parents, they deserve kids...( Puts, a finger to his chis), How do they have kids?

Manami: Um...

Mahiro: They can’t have kids like you and daddy.

Manami: And how did daddy and I have kids?

Mahiro: I don’t know, but I know that they can’t do it like you guys did.

Manami: Well, if they want to, they have a few options, but that would be up to them.

Mahiro: Oh. (Takes a sip of juice), is this one of the conversations for when I’m older?

Manami: Or when they decied to have kids, and we can explain it to you better.

Mahiro: Okay.

Manami: (Sighs), Okay. (Sits down, leans against couch).

(Misaki wrapped a towel around his waist as he stepped out of the shower, Usagi has gotten out before him and was getting dressed in the bedroom. The older man still preferred wearing sweats instead of his dress shirts and ties, Misaki walked into the bedroom where Usagi wore black sweat pants, he was digging through the draws looking through a shirt to wear when he turned around to face the younger boy).

Usagi: Hey,(He pulled him towards him kissing his cheek).

Misaki: Hi. (He look down at his stomach, looking down at his scar, carefully running his fingers over it).

Usagi: Misaki, it’s okay.

Misaki: It’s not.

Usagi: I’m okay though. I’m here. Plus, I never would've discovered my love for sweats without it.

Misaki: (Laughs sadly), Yeah I guess.

Usagi: Don’t worry. (He grinned putting on a black shirt and a black hoodie). I love you.

Misaki: I love you too.

Usagi: Okay, I’m going to take this downstairs. (He picked up the laundry basket sitting on the), I’ll see you in a minute, then we can go eat.

Misaki: Sounds good.

(He stood up kissing Usagi softly on the lips, he exited the bedroom, Misaki went to the dresser searching for something to wear, landing on gray sweatpants, a white shirt, and a red hoodie, quickly towel drying his hair, then he made his way downstairs. Misaki paused at the top of the stairs, watching Usagi interact with Mahiro, the two were growing closer, it made his heart swell.)

Usagi: Go fish.

Mahiro: You promise you don’t have any fives?

Usagi: I don’t have any fives, I’d let you have a five if I did.

Mahiro: Fine. (He grumbled pulling a card from the deck, a huge smile forming across his face.) I GOT THE FIVE!! I DIDN’T NEED YOUR STINKY CARDS ANYWAY!

Usagi: (Laughs), Good game. (He stacked the cards together shuffling them).

Misaki: (Walking up behind him, kissing him on his cheek), Hey.

Usagi: Hey, you ready?

Misaki: Yeah, (He glanced at Manami and Mahiro), You guys want to come eat breakfast with us?

Mahiro: Yes!! (He jumped up running over to Misaki almost knocking him over, running into the mudroom, Manami racing after him).

Usagi: Aright, lets go. (He stood up stretching, as his phone started to ring), Hold on. Hello?

Eri: Usami; it’s me.

Usagi: (he slid his hand in his pocket, glancing at Misaki, raising an eyebrow.) What's up Eri?

Eri: What are y’all up too today?

Usagi: About to go eat, why? what's up?

Eri: Rose has the day off, we were wondering if you wanted to hang out.

Usagi: Well, you can join us for breakfast if you want, I can text you the address?

Eri: Sure! See you soon!

Usagi: (Hangs up, putting phone in his pocket, Misaki is staring at him in disbelief). What?

Misaki: It’s just, not even a few months ago, you wanted me all to yourself, and now...

Usagi: (He sighed, pulling Misaki towards him wrapping his arms around his neck). These people are our family, and I always want you to myself. (He chuckled), But we haven’t seen Eri and Rose in a while, I thought it would be nice to invite them out.

Misaki: Remember when you hated people? What happened to that guy? That’s the guy I fell in love with.

Usagi: (Laughs), You’re so full of shit. The guy you fell in love with is the clingy overprotective guy.

Misaki: Yeah, (He scoffed), That guy shows himself to others a lot these days. A lot of people didn’t think you had another side to you.

Usagi: You’re the one who helped bring out the softer side of me.

Misaki: Ah, I can’t take all the credit.

Usagi: You can, I’d be dead if I hadn’t met you.

Misaki: (He grinned softly kissing Usagi on the lips). Maybe, I know I wouldn’t be graduating if I hadn’t met you. I’d also be really sad.

Usagi: You make me really happy too baby. (He grinned, the two leaning in for a kiss when Mahiro ran in pulling their hands).

Mahiro: LETS GO I’M HUNGRY!!

Usagi: He’s hungry.

Misaki: Yeah. We’re coming, don’t worry.

#junjou romantica #junjouromaticafanfic #Misaki #Misaki Takahashi #takahashi misaki #Misaki x Usagi #Akihiko Usami #usami akihiko #Usagi x Misaki #Takahiro Takahashi #Mahiro #MANAMI #eri #rose #Junju romatica

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queenofallwitches · 3 years

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an update and primer:

so the last winter was weird. I had a complete breakdown, went into psychiatric hospital for 40 days in total. two seperate times.

learnt a heap of new things, met a tonne of cool people and had amazing conversations and few fights but overcome my own demons by that.

brain speaking-I have a scarred brain stem and neurological disorder is not a mental diagnosis, but a neurological disorder, proven by MRI scan, ADHD.

also damage to my basal ganglia, and prefrontal cortex.

neurological diagnosis means ADHD is not a "mental" health issue, as some believe, rather a neurodevelopment disorder caused by structural differences in the ADHD brain.

other neurodevelopment disorders include: Tourettes, Autism, Cerebal Palsy, Dyslexia and other Motor and Intellectual Disabilities. (Which recieve, in my view, a lot of insight, media information and stigma reduction by the advocacy networks surrounding these types of disability).

Over the last few years Autism has been over everything, I've seen mainstream media cover Tourettes and yet ADHD is still HUGELY misunderstood, misconceived and misrepresented in media, be in from the angle of documentaries, personal insight of a "typical" case, films, tv, and other media.

one of the first things my dr told me was "in females it rarely presents as hyperactive red-cordial OD child"

which is what my mother BELIEVES, that is because I have an adopted cousin with the ADHD dx who was that growing up, but the representation I'm told is also divergent for women with a higher IQ score than the average IQ. I come in around 142 and tested 123 at age 3 when I was unable to focus, pay attention and had severe trauma. I tested 142 in grade 8.

I'll share my experience as a female who is intellectually gifted, with higher IQ than average, and an adhd brain:

I've been told gifted and talented "genius" children are harder to diagnose because the symptoms present differently, we hide it better (camouflage) and our focusing can be "faked" by mediocre efforts of academic success.. this is true, I would do the assignment the Sunday night hours deadline, last minute, or have my parents half do it for me, plagiarise it (fuck I've killed my whole academic career now) copied but changed my words

from old 1970s encyclopaedias I KNEW they couldn't cross reference (I went through 15 years of school never studying doing homework or assignments and still had top grades).

I literally did not listen, and spent my classes planning the end of the world survival strategies with my GT friend who, basically helped me with my calculus and hard fucking maths, which was the ONLY 50 minutes of the day I put attention into my work.

now I'm going to be heading back to full-time study in the coming months, I get anxious as the pressure of a Bachelor level degree, and the pressure it takes me to perform, is enough to break me down. I've been advised it might be wise to start light (like a basic vet style diploma) and then build up, which is logical, but I keep thinking I'm meant to be doing my thesis by now. which is the kind of pressure one gets as a kid who is told repeatedly, "your intelligence is exceedingly the average and you can do ANYTHING you want"

I wanted to be an astronaut, a storm chaser, and an architect, a town planner and then a journalist. I always held to being a "FBI agent" or spy (I wonder why). so when I found psychology is really a blend of all these things, I kinda found a niche in a psych and social science double degree. but I'm thinking my academic career is LIFELONG, and due to the fact I also want to work in my field alongside my many written thesis coming, I'll be in academics for a long time. I may fail a few things, which I have to come to terms with. I do not fail easily, or readily, but I'm a perfectionist type-a academic who will put my whole life on the line to achieve "merit". I get exams, I get assessments, I read journals super-easy, I talk the talk and walk the walk so well psychologists who are at masters level compliment me on my "knowledge".

when it comes to mental health and trauma, I will always have the personal attachment, called lived experience, which will make failure and burnout, 100 percent realistic. I have to boundary up, bootstraps on, and prepare that yes, my personal "bias" will probably be entwined in this.

which is why I'm looking at the social science for the statistics and thesis writing side of things, and the counselling for the trained therapist side. either way, the degree of counselling requires so much self-insight, and then the social-science will back me away from personifying it. the other choice is criminology, which leads to forensic psychology, which is eternally fascinating. my main concern is the pro-pedophile content Ill be up against, which will look at the anatomy of a shoplifter akin to the devil, and leave the pedophile in the DSM-5 dx "paraphilia" box.

I'm not joining or jumping to anything.

either way I've got 2 year of credit, a heap of pathways and a lot of "academic momentum" from all my life being aimed to be "academic powerhouse". I went through my files and found a lot of awards I'd won in my high school, and top place in the competitions we would be entering in. I remember feeling so sad if I had a "credit" vs a distinction or high distinction, only to see now, a credit in university maths in year 9 is a skillset I don't have anymore so, good on me. or a credit in English, or Science at that age was pretty impressive, considering these tests were random and not studied for.

just a general skills assessment only the top 30 kids in the year were to take on a year by year basis and put out to vet from the top universities and taken by other kids in the same grade around the state.

it puts so much focus on my intelligence, because it's primed to be that way, I know that is true. I know I feel good being academically successful and it gives me a feeling of "achievement" but is it really for me?

I also found 2 letters from my local politicians offering me job placement, work experience and I was 1/4 kids in my 10th grade graduation tom get the letter, and due to my behaviour I pissed ALL the idiots who bullied me off. I was "too pretty to be a nerd" "too smart to be pOpUlAr".

so I made a group of misfits, who are all highly intelligent, creative and my group had the ONLY gay male in the school AND THIS IS BEFORE YOU FUCKING RETARDS MADE IT "COOL". he was bullied badly, so fuck you, you fucks claim "liberalism" but I bet you were the type of idiot who bullied guys like him in high school while you pretended to like my chemical romance and fake cut yourselves. I hate you all, forever.

my grade was full of idiots who were fake emo, who left the scene the moment the scene changed to dub-step and club music. I was there, watching you all, like sonny Moore, went from FFTL to that dubstep skrillex shit he started in 2009.

I dated you, hooked up with you and I went to your gigs. I know who was real and who was fake. I met some of you years later and realised the more emotive ones were the less "alternative appearing".

I can say 1/10000 emo guys from the 00s were genuinely Into the music and scene for the right reasons based on my dating history and this can and will be analysed statistically using SPSS one day to prove a lot. I've had too many relationships from each sub-culture and I have had 4-11 males at a time per public "output" of my energy pursue me over life.

I'm not being cocky when I say I have a long line of "suitors" and its banked back about 50 men. it's been a thing I've avoided as it seems to grow based on my body shape, attitude, appearance, so I am currently out of touch with dating scenes, no interest to try that ANYWAY, given the fact that I have had so many LONG TERM relationships ANYWAY. I can't see another one going well, and at this case, I'm living with an ex but we never went on conventional and now our families label this 3 things: "asexual", "polyamorous" and "open relationship". I'm also "bisexual" but this all to humans outside, looks ridiculous on paper. (wild orgies and lots of swinging or some stupid sex magick probably is what J brother literally thinks we do).

bc humans are intrinsically designed to need to label things they don't understand. we share a lease, not a relationship, and fucking polyamorous, I WISH. there are no girl-girl-guy 3 some, or orgies, or sex magic parties.

this has changed the attitude and perception of this "relation' which Is non-romantic, non-sexual. he can date and likely, will, as can I , and I likely won't date.

I would say 14/15 have had ADHD, or other mental illness and or trauma. which means to me, nothing at all.

I think this "open book" non romantic relationship style of "friends and roommates" not sexual.

attachment is misunderstood by others but works well fro my adhd, meaning I'm not expected to marry, or be a wife in any capacity. he is free to do what he wants, as I am, and open communication is a novel frontier I brought into this in the start, and stayed with for the duration. we fight, but I fight with a lot of people in my life over many petty things. also down to my adhd, I believe, I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, which makes me hypersensitive to rejection, perceived or real.

im not sure if this is trauma or adhd or both. but

I have used sexuality as a weapon in many relationships but it cannot or will not be used here, so I have had to resort to uncovering parts of myself which I never knew, which will stay with me even if he decided to marry and wife up in 5 years, which I'm okay and expecting him to do, and I would much rather that then be trapped in a situation where I cannot be that "wife/mother archetype" as I'm too "femme fatal/other-woman/sex-laced seductress and siren" a "FWB, unicorn, drug buddy, hook-up where im a therapist" or "intellectual and cognitive mind-bender work-study obsessed woman".

both at once and many types of human, including one who is a full-time ceremonial magician of 7 years. I will drink, drug, fuck, fight like males and still be more feminine and high maintenance than 89% of women. I grew up a tomboy and don't mind getting into fun, adventure based situations, like hiking, or anything adrenaline, I would only be reluctant to eat weird shit.

I also have many "neurological" issues including ADHD, and trauma which causes a rupture in the average human and I dating.

I'll tell you how many men have said "you are the unicorn" and then realised what that means, I went as far as canvasing the PUA world back in 2014 after reading the game, a book on PUA, which is essentially, pick up artistry, based on NLP and hypnosis. I did this after reading the copy my ex in 2008 handed me before we dated saying "I gave this up for you". it took me years to open the book, buy when I did I truly believed the only way I would fall in love again, was through PUA. that failed in so many ways but gave me a training foundation for men who were candidates for that, I have trained up J, and the way that sounds is BAD. I know, but I got a lot of value myself, I just don't see it how I wanted to see it.

but that was my original intent, and I achieved this he knows that, knew it was happening and evolved for the best self.

I am thinking we can modulate this into a business model for how I was operating in the BDSM world was mainly psychological, not physical.

I get told all of is incredibly intimidating (I am told) to women and men.

I don't really care anymore, because people have always seen this part of me in the wrong way ANYWAY, but I own who I am NOW. which is what I needed ANYWAY. so it cannot be stolen again, and sexual healing has come from abstinence ironically.

I also don't care what or who is trying to tear up my relations, toxic or not toxic, all people around me will be on a healing journey by default, or cut out of my life, for I am radiating that energy so brightly its impossible NOT to feel that pull.

I will drag your shadows into the light, and make your secrets spin from your lips into my consciousness. its not what I do but its what is design.

I make your weaknesses mountains to climb over. you cannot hide from these in my presence, I won't be this controlling or obsessive female who wants 24-7 attention as I have a life full of meaning without love or sex. I don't want to be wined, dined or expensively gifted, unless specially requested.

I don't want love letters or romantic declarations, this isn't some femnazi bullshit, but it triggers me. I appreciate the efforts and won't make you feel bad about your insecurities, for mine are probably 30 x more pronounced.

I appreciate small things, that most males won't or don't know how to do. like remembering things I've said and being thoughtful. or knowing my silence isn't personal, or a game, but a protective wall. I've had songs sung too me, guitars played, songs written, or things made in ways that are heartfelt. but I've always had them used against me too. so it is the context. I value time, energy, conversations of depth and reciprocal exchange. I also value trauma understanding, my alters and fragments being accepted and valued as me as a whole and a person who is not afraid, or scared of stupid stuff like sensitivity, emotions, feelings as raw as my own. men feel intensely too, lol.

but will only give oral sex 100 times before I don't recieve it, I can communicate now so that wouldn't happen.

but I won't be a bitch about this stuff. I am extremely feminine and care in ways other people, do not, I forget nothing people tell me, so it can be a reward or reverse uno card pull in a fight, but I am not evil or deviant in my relations. I react, depending on how you treat me. I don't need your money, or providing source of income to be okay as I am my own queen, however sharing resources is okay to build something. I don't need to be seduced, but will need to be shown a person is trustworthy.

few cross that.

that will always be time-endurance and testing. there are ground rules I don't play with, or play games. or like being forced or forged into something I'm not. I know abusive and I know safe, and I am a psychology expert, trained psychotherapist and study humans for fun, so I'll always be analysing things.

and I know red flags and I know ego, I know how to placate and please and pleasure, but will only do so, for a bigger and better reason than the mere act of seduction. which is without value and transactional to someone like me, I won't lie.

and I know every tactic in the book, for the book was written by someone like me, many lives ago, and my karma is being burnt for that book.

in terms of walls, I have many, may it be called a maze. or labrnyth.

I will teach you things you never thought you'd know, and change your life in ways you won't ever be able to go back to before. I will blow your mind, sexually, emotionally, intellectually, on all levels, and I'll make your friends and family love me.

I'll bring your walls down and you won't be able to understand this, because you don't understand me, and thats ok.

but I'll always understanding you and make your life better because thats what I do anyway, and people talk to me about things I will never share, as I keep secrets. I am jealous, of everything but, only because I am attached in a disorganised way, and working on that.(I won't even mention how man women or men don't know basic psychology of themselves). I also am a therapist , for my friends and family too.i should not be , but I am. I care, I listen, If you think I'm not listening, I'm still listening. sometimes I interrupt, because I have ADHD and I am horrible at resolute planning, or being "normal". but I don't want to be normal anyway. I need you to recognise and understand my shit, for that is what I do for everyone in my life, and I have helped more than I receive.

I'll probably accidentally give you therapy, but thats fine, because you will uncover your depths and find meaning in this. it's not something that goes bad unless you are fundamentally, evil, even the most abusive relationship I was in, was benefited from this process. yes he's still narcissistic, but he is self-aware. and did I benefit, never, just know the anatomy of self-proclaimed narc and I still can't hate him. will get my civil claim one day.

I will fuck your mind without meaning too. but thats because I fuck my own mind. but the meaning is made in the man- some find this highly offensive or personal (its not). I fuck minds by my own overthinking, or over perception on many levels of reality. so join the ride, or don't come along at all. because once the rollercoaster is in motion, I have no control of what may or may not happen. it's purely experimental.

I am experimental.

and the women who are judging me, are not any better.

look within, and shut the fuck up. self-improve and quit this jealous divide and conquer bitchiness. I HATE gossip, bitches, snitches and fakers.

I look to other women who are intellectually, physically and spiritually "individual". and find value in superior status to my own, which is something my narcissistic ex taught me.

I look for mentors, and teachers and people who will teach me how to improve myself, which I am fearful to reconnect after something is amazing and I can't give anything back of positive value. I am sorry I am working on that.

I won't devalue those below me, but I also need to be mutually benefiting from a relationship.

I dont drag people down, I may disappear if I feel I am doing this by mistake. I am flakey as fuck, and sorry for that. its anxiety and lack of perfectionism, so I am wrong and bad for this. I can change. will change.

if you can find value with my relation, personal professional or romantic, we can move into a symbiotic beneficial agreement based on mutual "terms". but many won't or cannot see this, nor do I impose my bullshit into the lives of randoms at this age.

I don't care if this is cruel, it's real.

I value loyalty, compassion, self-insight/awareness, someone who understands all parts-spirituality, metaphysics while still having intellectual & logical & analytical brain-sight.

I enjoy music, magick and learning new things.

I do not care about appearances I dont think ive dated based on one time. I do value connections and chemistry which is far-few between, I hate fakers. I smell insincerity miles away. but I do respect women who are well-presented, or beautiful, with hair beauty and makeup, I can't do this shit well, so I look up to those who are in professions who do it like art. I find them to be genius level queens who scare me.

I call out bad behaviour and make people uncomfortable if they are repressed. I will change you without even meaning too, I don't even need to date you. its just my presence, over time, amplified by the intensity of the dynamics.

I don't want simplicity, but I also don't need over complexity.

I value passion, independence, creativity, curiosity, problem-solving, deep-disscussions, shared adventures and some occasional risk-taking (lol), sensuality and sexuality for a common cause beyond physical pleasure. I like being taught but not micromanaged. I need my own independence, and need to be trusted with that. I hate being scolded for that like a child, or being pushed to change my ways to conform to societal values. which I will push back and refuse to do. which is not healthy. I don't adult like many others do, but I try to proceed in other ways. and learn to adult like normal people, accept me.

I also value myself, and how I can be celebrated, enhanced and improved vs. the opposite.

I give space, and have boundaries, and understand human psychology, sexuality and relationships in ways few others unless they are trained, can do.

I value MY time. so you can have space to value YOURS. I dont need to be in anyones pocket for a long time. I love being alone, and being around people who are stimulating, but draining people will be drained out of my life quicker than I intend. I am sorry for the people who felt I disappeared, when I was only trying to be 'fair', if I feel I'm a bad influence, I will work on myself until I'm not. I'm still working on it.

I also use this psychology awareness, to enhance communication, connection. you may or may not become an accidental guinea pig. I will be upfront that I am experimental, but that is part of the buy ticket and take the ride. lets work together. not apart.

I am coming from a place of love, and love is what I feel for my animals, which you will be adopting as children.which I want to stop experiments being done on. I love love, in all ways, but hate cruelty of animals and children, violence and suffering. I dont advocate justice, because I find life is fucking cruel, unfair and unjust. by default, so I focus on myself. what can be changed, and what I am able to do in my own locus on control. I will always find myself drawn to the outsiders, the misfits, the vagabonds, the misunderstood. I want to help people who are society, or socially, disadvantaged by trauma and mental illness, but only when I have ability to help myself.

it's a journey.

I will not date anyone who is cruel to animals, outside of specify magical sacrifice, there is not any place for that. nor will I date or fraternise with anything or anyone linked or associated with pedophilia. I won't judge anyone on anything that are outside animal cruelty and pedophilia. I don't and haven't. I keep on good terms with every ex, bar 1 whom I only apologised too this year. it felt good to do that. I change my behaviour.

I am open, but also highly attuned to both logical, factual, empirical , scientific worlds, and spiritual, intuitive, psychic and the "collective unconscious". I walk in both these realms, and I am "conventionally attractive". which puts a lot of pressure on me, to be "stupid". I am always dumbing myself down to fit into normality, but I look ridiculous if I do that so I peacock my intellect.

only to be misconceived.

I give up because I no longer care how anyone but MYSELF can see ME. I won't dumb myself down , but I can enhance you UP. prepare yourself for graded education, evolution and self-growth on mass scales.sorry not sorry.

that sucks for the people who want to be living vicariously through me, for making up to lost trauma years, for family who sold me out for the success I'd bring home, or fake trauma enmeshed friends, or whatever they want or need from me. I value my time and energy, and have given that in abundance, and if you want to be with nut only "one part of me that is alters". I can't provide that now. not sorry.

I have to work on something or not be in a dynamic at all.

I no longer can switch on demand to adapt for you, it will not be effective and that upsets a lot of people. especially now I'm sober. harder to handle this, as I see the world for its ways and why it is, more vividly. I haven't had alcohol for almost 2 months, although, I could drink, I haven't.

I can't do it, anymore. it, being, faking, my selves fronting to impress. I can't. I have no more left to give, and I'm expected by everyone to be a way I can't do it in the way they want.

I will go to another year long outpatient DBT, followed by 10 weeks of A-C-T therapy, and however many ECT OR TMS may or may not help. I'm told it won't (ect) work. but TMS, is something I am open too. but I am telling you, none of this psychotherapy, that will be based on dbt skills, day therapy, intensive skills training, recommencing my studying, and resuming "life worth living" will or can wipe the traumas I've "recovered" memories for.

I will also shut the fuck up, and tell nobody about this if you leave me alone, I told that to my family, and this is open letter to the watchers, stalkers and perps who read this openly as I track the hits on here and have 200+ visits a day every day for the last month. globally. no idea how or who you are but I think its the same people who called the police for the "ayreon song lyrics" seen to be a suicide not last October.

thanks for that wake up call, I have shut the fuck up, since December, more so now. I will burn the journals, or lock them up.

my recovery is not linear, not yet fully integrated and I trust nobody so I don't think my psychotherapy will be deep, I focus on things like ADHD AND my EDNOS. and dbt skills. I won't be talking about sexual traumas.

enjoy the update, and thanks for the "attention".

I have my goals, my work, my meaning and what my life should and could and will look like, but I will not share that with anyone. that means everyone right now.

I've been tested, traumatised and terrorised to the point of not-tolerant of anyone who may bring that back, and banish the fuck out of my sphere every moment I need.

take me as I am, or watch me as I go, which I will go, where I am not wanted I will remove myself, but I will find where I am celebrated because I create that.

I will rise up against all adversity every time but that is survival and that created a resilient and brave woman, in me. who will not be destroyed or decomposed by humans who are fundamentally fucking evil.

I gift you my truth, in progression, and give up the pain of the past.

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gringolet · 4 years

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hi why do you ship gawain with lancelot? not trying to start shit im just curious

God so this is a true fact but I’ve been thinking about them since sophomore year of high school (i'm a college sophomore now) so this is going to be lengthy and involved. But i think Lancelot and Gawain have a really interesting dynamic as well as a lot of support in text which i think makes them compelling.

In a lot of ways they are equals in a way neither of them is with anyone else-- they are, in the vulgate at least, the two best knights in the world, the two arthur trusts most and who are famous even among other good knights. Its almost isolating, that level of renown, and you see that Lancelot in particular is uncomfortable with it, though they both at times have stories of trying to escape their own names. Of course they would understand each other in a way no one else could.

Despite the fact that Lancelot quite literally steals his place as number one, gawain is never resentful of this, never upset to lose to lancelot. In fact he seems very happy to sing his praises to anyone he meets, like in Lancelot and the Hart with the White Foot, where he says of lancelot that “He is the best knight alive in the entire world, and moreover the most handsome.”

In the stanzaic morte, he tells elaine of shallot that

“Such a leman as thou hast one,

In all this world ne be no mo.

There is no lady of flesh ne bone

In this worlde so thrive or thro,

Though her herte were steel or stone,

That might her love holde him fro.”

Or, translated,

Such a love as you have,

there’s no better in the world.

There is no lady of flesh or bone,

In this world so lucky or stubborn

Though her heart were steel or stone,

She could stop it from loving him.’

In the vulgate hes constantly running after lancelot, happy to play sidekick as long as it means lancelot's company. He pretty infamously says this about lancelot:

Then Sir Gawain thought a little, like a man who believed he would never be well again. “If God were to grant me my health,” he said, “I’d immediately wish to be the most beautiful maiden in the world, happy and healthy, on condition that he would love me above all others, all his life and mine.”

I think this is really interesting because its not a devotion gawain shows to anyone else outside of his family. Hes oddly protective of lancelot, considering he can very well fend for himself usually. In the dutch hart, he literally tracks down and kills a man who hurt lancelot, before tying his body to his horse and dragging it around like achilles. He also rescues and heals him in morien, gets the whole court in a tizzy looking for him after a battle with galehaut where he spends a year searching, drags lancelots poor cousins all over looking for him after a tournament, freaks out when he goes missing in the hart (: “He lamented more grievously than anyone ever will, or had ever done before, because he thought he had lost Lancelot, the daring knight.”) like jesus gawain calm down.

He explicitly forsakes his devotion and duty to the country in favour of lancelot; in morien, hes called to take his place as king because arthur is gone, and he refuses in favour of, you guessed it, running after lancelot. In chretien it is said that

“Now I will tell you the truth, and you must not think I lie, that Gawain would not wish to be chosen king, unless he had Lancelot with him. “

And he lies to arthurs face multiple times in the vulgate and morte to hide lancelot's various crimes.

Speaking of crimes, theyre both uh, well. Literal serial killers. And you know its good to have hobbies in common in a relationship. No but seriously they represent a lot of the darker parts of knighthood. From lancelots bit with the proud knight in kotc to gawains… what can be only described as massacres in the dutch texts. They both have very odd relationships with death, with gawain so familiar with it by being surrounded by violence from a young age that it no longer affects him, while lancelot is almost the opposite-- its very distant to him.

I think thats another reason i like them; theyre similar in a lot of ways but in just as many they are opposites. Gawains whole deal is being charming, manipulative, educated and good with words. Lancelot is in contrast, especially in chretien and the vulgate, at his most inept in social situations. You note that in the hart, its gawain that has to talk him out of the marriage he accidentally agreed to (“ But he does not at this time wish to marry you-- you must understand...”) etc. while gawain is centered at court in a web of political alliances, lancelot is a fair unknown, who can and does disappear for years and generally avoid court when he can. I think they work well as a team because of this.

Lancelot certainly think so, at least in the morien: Quoth Sir Lancelot: "By the Lord who made me, and who shall be Doom's-man at the last day, come what may thereof, since Sir Gawain rideth hence 'tis not I will bide behind!”

He isnt as quotable outside of one specific scene ill get to later, and most of what he does say is in aside to himself, like the lengthy speech he gives in knight of the cart while debating to himself why gawain has failed to rescue him, and if this means gawain doesn’t love him (“He ought indeed to receive your aid whom you used to love so devotedly! For my part I may truly say that there is no lodging place or retreat on either side of the sea, where I would not have searched for you at least seven or ten years before finding you, if I knew you to be in prison. But why do I thus torment myself? You do not care for me even enough to take this trouble.”) trust me it goes on like this for quite a while.

On a side note, i think its a bit reminiscent of a scene from the vulgate where gawain thinks that lancelot is in love with elaine of shallot--

“That night he thought a lot about Lancelot and said to himself that he would not have thought that Lancelot would have aspired to leave his heart in any place that was not nobler and more honourable than all others. ‘And yet,’ he said, ‘I cannot really blame him if he loves this girl… (he goes on in debate with himself)...

That night Sir Gawain slept very little, because he was thinking of the girl and Lancelot,”

the morte specifically calls gawain the man lancelot loves most in the world, according to a prophecy of merlins. Then, the kicker: he kills gawains brothers on accident, gawain swears to kill him in revenge, and lancelot…. Refuses to kill gawain, or even to renounce love for him. When asked about the fight, he says:

“I do not know what the outcome will be, but I do know that if I were the winner and ought to cut off his head, I should not be able to kill him for all the world, because I think he is too noble. Moreover, he is the man, out of all those in the world that have meant anything to me, that I have most loved, and still do,”

Gawain forgives him on his deathbed and writes a letter, the entirety of which i implore you to read. He begs lancelot’s forgiveness and for him to return from france and see gawains tomb, “for all the love that was betwixt us”

I think you could interpret this as a very passionate friendship, certainly, but i am gay and so i think they are too. Not only because of the texts but because of the fact that their dynamic is fun and interesting and they work well together.

Oh, and if anyone was wondering why i call them remarkable, here is another quote from the vulgate, following the first fight with gawain:

‘It is certainly remarkable of you,’ said King Bors, ‘to love him so deeply when he hates you mortally.’

‘Find it remarkable if you wish,’ replied Lancelot, ‘but he will never be able to hate me so much that I stop loving him.’

#arthuriana #gawain #lancelot #remarkable #long post #sorry i went insane on this ask #i just think.i just. i just.#Anonymous

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starlitwishforu · 3 years

Text

To the thirty-one people on my close friends list:

I've never had a lot of people I could call friend without a question mark behind it.

I know. I overshare. Rant, and write, too much. Too loud, not vocal enough, can't make decisions, whine and cling and complain. I don't think I've been cool a day in my life. It's not fun, to worry if you're being tolerated. I'm sure you know. I'm not exactly the only insecure teen on the planet.

Sometimes I feel like a plant soaking in every half-bright smile tossed my way: no way to reciprocate, only photosynthesising it into more and more and more energy. Then I inflict that energy on other people, like a weed. Hey, I guess I've always had a thing for dandelions. Make a wish, or whatever.

It's just. My family's always been close, I guess. And you know what they say about gay kids: default settings are never enough. We're suckers for that sweet sweet found family, us rainbow babies. Adopt and get adopted, families a hundred friends strong: here's your uncle, your great-aunt, your cousin, and god; meet your other other other mother; we've been platonically engaged for, oh, coming on three years at this point. So I pull them close and laugh loud and bright and then I go home and worry. Don't feel guilty; minds are fickle but hearts are true. Something like that.

I would die for each and every one of you. I know I say that a lot. I know I say I love you a lot too. I mean both every time. I once told my mom (the one who birthed me lol) that maybe I say I love you so much not because it's meaningless, but because I have so much love to give. I see no reason to keep this golden feeling close; it would only spill out of my chest, seep its way to you anyway.

God, that was sappy.

Regardless. Friends. Not a lot of 'em, floatin' around. There are, oh, two and half people I can confidently say I am sure love me as wholly and completely as I love them. One of them tied themself to me as surely as a couple kids can, and I have never forgotten what the other wrote for me: unconditional, they told me, we are your unconditional. Here are the branches reaching for you; here I am, cradled safe in the knowledge they will always reach back.

So. Yeah, I talk a lot and not enough and I tell tiny little stories and randomly change the topic. Yeah, I hang off your arms- I'd stop if you asked- and comment on every post. Yeah, if I could, I would keep you in arm's reach and poke your cheeks and pull your hair and hope it were enough to spill that golden joy into your smile.

Yeah. I'd take any (or all) of you to Pride.

I got this far without apologising, for this at least; I won't do so now. But here, maybe an apology or maybe an excuse: I have prepared an explanation for every one of your places on this list. I know, it's stupid. It shouldn't matter this much. But it does, because this is me marking you: I would go anywhere with you, if only you asked. Take this token; I have not much else to give. Take the skin off my hands and the breath from my chest, and plant a piece of my heart in yours, and like a potato maybe it'll grow there.

For you, I'd become a root vegetable. That's not a metaphor, by the way. I'd do it.

#me #a wish and a kiss

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the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 3 years

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literally ✨samantha✨

also unrelated but a long time ago she posted her dog with like a rainbow scarf on pride with a a lgbt supportive caption :))

I know!! i remember when i was younger thinking that i was the only queer indian person like??? bitch you’re not that special lmao..

i get what you mean about home, coming out means essentially losing a connection to your culture and heritage. it’s scary to think of how much i would be losing in order to be authentically me and honestly idk if i could ever come out. i’m rlly glad that you exist as an online person like i cannot put into words how grateful i am to have found you (insert sappy tears) cause it’s like reassurance that i can still be connected to my culture and be queer :’)

(also idk if any Indian actress was my gay awakening or if i has one.. maybe like kristen stewart lol)

awe discourse:

you bring up so many valid points! i hate to think that it made it worse for so many people instead of raising awareness like it wanted to do. also the lesbianism is in my blood made me giggle. can’t say that there are any lesbians in my bloodline personally but i did come out of the womb a raging homosexual

mWAh 💐 <3 (what can i say, i move fast 😉)

also i did bring u flowers

- indi

mwah! (totally got you with a surprise kiss)

soooo true, like idk if youve seen ashta chamma but when the girls at the beginning are losing their minds over mahesh babu getting married? that was me when samantha got married like ma'am 😭 im right here!

bestie where??? i spent half on hour scouring for it, she posts so many pics of her dogs im 😤 miss ma'am i get it but please

lmao i did that too! i actually have a diary entry of me cerca like age 10 if i'm the only telugu gay girl, then i can never go to india again like yeah i was devastated but. in hindsight that was hilarious (to be fair i was reading a lot of ya novels at the time so i thought i was The Only Special One

its the exact same for me! like i know when i get older and come out and live as myself, i'll still cook telugu food and watch telugu movies and maybe even perform telugu poojas for the heck of it, but it still feels like i'll be losing something. like i'll never have a wedding with my grandparents yelling at people for the food and decor.... my uncles and cousins will never help me get ready before.... i'll never be rubbed in turmeric by my cousins and no one will do my gorintaku and feed me tirupati ladoos.... i know in the long run i wont miss it, but i still feel a bit sad that even if i get married in a hindu, telugu fashion as the groom, i wont be able to get married with my humungous entended family watching. 😔

but i do know that i will find other queer indian people, and maybe even more queer telugu people, and i'll have a family i made myself, and people by my side that i chose, and that will be more than enough.

(babe every time i watched an indian movie with an item song id be like i am looking respectfully...... wait why am i looking? so pretty much every actress i saw in my formative years was their own awakening) (i think an american gay awakening would be anne hathaway? shes amazing)

im glad you think im funny lol. i like thinking about my bloodline (ironically since im the one whos gonna end it) bc like... i cannot be the only queer person in my family. like i cant. so queerness is in my blood somewhere, and that makes me feel a little better about myself. its actually what helped me smack away my internalized homophobia (for the most part) bc what can i do about it if the gay gene is floating inside me? 😌

💐 wow these flowers are so beautiful! ill keep them in a vase right here 🍶 to remind me of you <3

🥰😚 ah you got me! i love you indi 💖

#asks #i love talking to you so much #like im literally sitting here with freshly baked chocolate cake (dw i baked it i didnt go out) and feeling like im having a tea party #🥰😋 i love it #the tree speaks #indiphannon

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whatwouldmindykdo · 4 years

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I wrote a little something about coming to terms with my sexuality and thought I’d share it here...

For as long as I can remember I’ve dreamt of my wedding day. As soon as I was able to comprehend the concept of wedding and marriage it became my only goal, my ultimate achievement: I wanted, I needed to get married. This would make me successful and prove my worthiness. I would be happy forever. And so, for years, I’d spend hours imagining the magical day: the dress, of course, and its designer, the venue, the guests, the music, the menu, the bridal party, the decor. And of course, the groom. Because it was always a groom. However, I would find it extremely difficult to imagine him. I could think of qualities I would look for in a partner, but that was it. Looking back now, I think that, more than any of these things, what I dreamt of was being loved and being in love. I was just hoping to find the kind of unconditional love I grew up surrounded by. Not a person but a feeling. An ideal.

I grew up in what you would probably call a liberal family. My parents are very open-minded, left-wing voters and I grew up having political debates at the dinner table. But it was always about tolerance. Every love is love, they would say. Everyone deserves to be happy, they would say.

This, however, was not true for them growing up. Both my parents grew up in working class families and worked their way into the middle class. As liberal as my parents are, their own parents were rather conservative in thought.

My father’s parents had grown up on farms. Their own parents, my great-grandparents, lived a life I cannot even begin to comprehend. After the Second World War, as life was changing everywhere, and especially in the countryside, my grandparents left for the city (well, a city, not THE city) to work in factories. They were deeply religious and my father was raised a Catholic. However, he also enjoyed great freedom. He was free to come and go, almost as he wished, to play with his brother and friends. He was free not to work in school, drop out after middle school and go on to work with his father. Which he did, for a while, until he realized he didn’t want to do that his entire life. In other words, he was free to fail, and try again. Would it had been the same thing had he been a girl? We will never know, as he was one of two boys.

My mother, on the other hand, was not. Her grandparents had been mining workers, as almost everyone in the area. Her own parents had been saved from this life, and pushed to look for work in other industries. They had married young and my mother was the eldest of two. Her parents were heavily involved in political and union movements, pushing for workers’ rights. This gave her an awareness of the political situation and an ideal of what is achievable when you work for it. My mother, however, is also a woman. And as such, her parents expected her to behave a certain way.

She was expected to be the perfect little girl. Calm, pretty, smiling. Not to take too much space. Do well in school. Be polite. And so my mother tried her best to be this ideal girl. She excelled in school, practiced many sports, and took it upon herself to keep the family together and happy. She eventually went on to work and had to move out to another city, but always close to family as she was sharing an apartment with her aunt. When she found another job closer to her parents, she moved back home. Eventually, she met my father. They dated for a couple of years, but moving in together was unfathomable. Not before marriage. And that’s how my parents ended up married without having ever lived together, something I honestly find quite hard to imagine. Her brother, on the other hand, lived a life closer to my dad’s. He could not roam the streets or drop out of school but he did leave high school without graduating, moving out to work away and never looked back. He introduced many girlfriends to his parents before eventually having a child and getting married, in that order.

My parents would probably tell you that they raised me and my brother the same way. That not more was expected of me. That I could do the exact same thing he did. And to some extent that is true. We were both expected to excel in school. To be polite and respectful. We were both told we could dream of being whoever we wanted to be. But what had been instilled to my mother was also, somehow, perhaps more sneakily, taught to me. I also had to be the perfect little girl, no excuses. The one that doesn’t move. The one that doesn’t scream or make a scene. The one that helps at home. As Michelle Cliff says in Notes on Speechlessness, ‘I am reminded that a great compliment of my childhood was: ‘she’s such a quiet girl’’.

Instead of rebelling against this system I made it mine: it was my way of taking up space. My way of being remarkable. I was expected to excel at school: I was top of the class. I was expected to be calm and discreet: I would literally never speak. Even today it takes a lot for me to be able to do things I know my parents disapprove. Because I have built myself through others’ approval, and then who am I once they don’t approve?

What does that have to do with being a lesbian, you may wonder. See, I knew about lesbians. I knew about gays. It was not entirely unknown to me. I saw them on the news, we talked about them at home. But no one in my family was gay, lesbian or part of the LGBTQI+ community, at least not openly. That was not what we did. As much as my family rebelled against capitalistic society, we were expected to conform in certain areas, and this was one. We, as a family, are heterosexuals. And so I unconsciously associated being a good girl to being heterosexual.

I don’t remember the first time I heard of the LGBTQI+ community, nor do I remember the first time I had a crush on a girl. I am quite sure she was my primary school best friend. I very clearly remember wondering whether I was in love with her or whether that was just how you felt for your best friend (hint: I kinda knew the answer). And so, little me moved on with life. Eventually the feeling wore out, and there was a very intense and dramatic fall out. But that was it, no more questions about my sexuality. Not until I was well into my teenage years, at least. When I made it to university I had began what I would call my transformative journey, learning extensively about feminism, inclusivity and human rights. I was passionate about these subjects and wanted to learn more, and more. I surrounded myself with people who were open-minded, teaching me about these very topics, and, for some of them, part of the LGBTQI+ community. At about this time I began identifying as pansexual or bisexual. I have never been really sure about this. There was no major coming out though. I just stated here and there that I thought love was about a person and their soul, not their gender. Even though I was identifying as pansexual / bisexual, the doubt never really left. I felt ill-at-ease with the identification. Maybe I’m not into labels, I’d think. Maybe.

Deep down, I knew. I think I’d always known. I would get major crushes on women in films and TV shows. Maybe that’s just identification. I could hardly imagine being in a relationship with a man. Maybe I just haven’t met THE one. I would feel uncomfortable whenever a man flirted with me. Maybe I’m just not into him.

I just couldn’t imagine being a lesbian. And that’s not to say that I could fathom the very existence of lesbians. I knew they existed, I had a friend as they say. I truly believed that all love is love. What I couldn’t accept was that I was a lesbian. How could I not like men? Good girls like men. Good girls are straight. Good girls get married TO A MAN, and have children WITH A MAN. No way. I must be pansexual. Or bisexual. Not lesbian.

Funnily enough, the pandemic was a big transitional time for me. I was able to truly connect with myself. Away from the world and the mundanities of everyday life, focusing on what really matters for the first time, I came to a realization. I do not like men. I do not find pleasure in imagining a relationship with a man. This realization was validated by experience. I signed up on a dating app (what??? I know, don’t judge). My immediate reaction was to set up my preferences to women only (that should have been another hint right?!). However, almost immediately I changed those preferences to everyone (men and women). Why? Because, I thought, by excluding men I might miss out on the one (he’s always somewhere). What if I miss on the opportunity of happily ever after because I renounce to dating half of humanity? And oh boy did I regret that. I was instantly contacted by half the male population of my surroundings (the joys of being on a dating app) and it really felt like it was not for me. I was feeling miserable rather than happy, anxious rather than excited. I switched back to women only and I have felt safer and more myself ever since.

I guess you could say that I have been feeling rather at peace with who I am. I have come out to a few (selected) friends, in the least dramatic way possible (well, they also are the least dramatic women I know). There remains the question, however, of coming out to family. Because although I have come to term with being a lesbian, I am still scared AF when it comes to coming out to my family and the main reason is: what if I am not lesbian after all (eye roll emoji)? The real reason, though, is that I know that as open-minded as my parents are, a coming out also means a period of adaptation, of understanding what it means exactly. And for someone like me who hates both confrontation and disappointing this feels like a big deal. Selfishly, I wish someone had been there before in my family. That I would not be the first. The trailblazer. The odd one out. The lesbian aunt. But then, I think of my little cousins. And how I could be that person for them. If I allow myself past the fear.

Thing is, I also truly believe that I will not be able to be fully happy until I come out. I will not be truly happy until I can be who I am fully, knowing that the people who accept it are the ones who love me, for real. But what if that means losing my grandfather? What if it means that people will literally never stop talking about it?

As much as I have talked about the hardships of coming out and coming to terms with my sexuality, I will also mention that coming to terms with this reality has been a huge relief. It has opened me to a world where love and inclusion are legion. A world where you are accepted for who you truly are. It has given me role models, values and a political awareness that I probably would not have had otherwise. In other words, being lesbian is a blessing because it is who I am, fully. And when I get to be this person, I can finally start to breathe. I can finally start to live.

My problem lies with mainstream culture and the way it portrays lesbian relationships. I have grown up with the ability of seeing gay couples loving each other, hating each other, flirting, breaking up. Mainstream media and popular culture have very much romanticized gay relationships. What of lesbian relationships then? The reality is completely different. And how could it not be when Instagram still censored the ‘lesbians’ hashtag two weeks ago? When we only have The L Word as a reference? Where on TV and in films have lesbians been given the space and time to actually develop a relationship except in that show? And I’m not even talking about the perfect, happy relationship. Just any relationship. More than 3 minutes of screen time. You’ll have to agree that this is rather recent.

How different would my life have been if I had seen lesbian couples on TV? How different would my life have been if people had not shied away from lesbian relationships? It is time for pop culture to be inclusive of our people. Little girls need this representation. They need to know that this kind of love exists, is normal, and brings fulfillment. I wish this had been my reality so that I wouldn’t have been mad when Casey from Atypical dumps her boyfriend to explore her relationship with Izzie. Because then perhaps I wouldn’t have been mad at her for doing that. I wouldn’t have been mad at Izzie for being honest. Because that is how deeply rooted my fear of being a lesbian was: I was mad at these two women for having the courage to explore their feelings and be true to themselves, when Casey could have had the perfect ending with Evan. And that is not ok. I need to let go of the idea that the perfect life means being in a heterosexual relationship. Because I know that this is not for me. This will not bring me fulfillment.

#lesbian #lgbtqplus #about me #sexuality #coming out?#gays of tumblr

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thomaslightwoodenthusiast · 4 years

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here it is!!! i hope you guys like it fjfkcks (disclaimer: it is set in modern world!)

no time to die - thomastair

(TW: death, mentions of suicide and murder, also for simplicity reasons even though it’s technically iran i called it persia like the book)

➰➰➰➰➰➰

Thomas turned to Alastair. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” he said, whilst adjusting the shorter man’s suit jacket.

“Thomas, you need not worry so much. You know I’ve been doing this for years- an awards show should be no different.”

Thomas looked at his boyfriend. Boyfriend. It was still strange to even think. It had taken him so long to accept the truth, and even longer to admit his feelings for Alastair. Despite their past, Alastair alongside Anna had been the ones who understood what he was going through and helped him. It was just that, it had taken so long to get him, Thomas was afraid Alastair would disappear.

“I love you. Blow them away, eh?” he said with a wink.

“Oh darling, I always do,” Alastair replied. “Though sometimes I do feel like I’m doing so much that I’ll have no time to die!”

That had been their last conversation. The last words Alastair spoke to Thomas before...it. Even though five years had passed, Thomas kept replaying the night and the events over and over. He still cried about it. The pain had been immense.

The song ends.

Lights go down.

Bang.

Men rushing to the stage. Paramedics running to the scene. People screaming bloody murder. Thomas didn’t believe it. Couldn’t. But there was Alastair, down like a flash and bleeding across the wooden surface. His typically brown skin paling to a sick, deathly colour. He had tried to get across, tried to see what had happened but not only did the men refuse; he was promptly dragged out of the building and sent away.

Something about what happened wasn’t right.

They all claimed Alastair had killed himself onstage; that he’d hidden the gun and used it at lights out. But Thomas knew that wasn’t true; there were no guns in their house, and he would definitely have noticed if Alastair wasn’t feeling okay. No; Thomas was convinced.

He was murdered.

The men hadn’t let him near him, which just convinced Thomas more. And any time he tried to make an attempt to the press, they didn’t listen. They brushed it off as ‘a grief-stricken boyfriend’.

Which was exactly why, five years later on the anniversary of the incident, Thomas Lightwood was sitting in a bar with his cousin Anna.

“Bullshit!”

“Whoa there, where did that come from?” Anna said, offended.

Thomas flushed. “Oh- sorry. Nothing.”

Anna could tell he was lying. Ever since Alastair’s death it had never been the same. Cordelia had been heartbroken; she refused to mention him at all even now. Thomas was the reverse. He was absolutely convinced it wasn’t suicide, but rather murder. He had dedicated the majority of the last five years to trying to find information or any evidence. It was almost heartbreaking to watch. Thomas had been through enough, losing his sister too. Anna was always very protective of her cousin- they used to nickname each other the ‘Gay Defense Squad’ because of how they stuck by and defended each other from anyone who might ‘disagree with their way of life’.

“I know it’s not nothing, ya big idiot. It’s him, isn’t it?”

Thomas sighed. “Yes. It is. I’m sorry, Anna. I really am.”

“You don’t have to be. You lost someone extremely important to you in an awful and tragic way. It takes years to get over that stuff. Especially with poor Barbara. How many years now? 7?”

“Yeah.” Thomas felt his eyes tearing up. The mental pressure to hold everything together was terrible. “Dad’s still- Gideon is still heartbroken. Well, anyone who lost a child would be, but sometimes I see him and I can see how red his eyes are, how pale he is and it’s just not fair. If there was some way, any way to just take all my parents’ pain away I would.”

Anna was thoughtful. “But what about your own? Thomas, you need help. You need someone who’s a therapist; not your cousin.”

Thomas shook. “No, no I don’t need help. I’m not insane, do you think I goddamn am? I’ve spent years trying and trying to find out what happened and look where it’s got me? No. Fucking. Where. I won’t rest.”

Anna Lightwood’s heart tore. Thomas didn’t deserve any of this. She wished he could understand that people didn’t think he was insane; they thought he was in denial. Anna had to admit; she agreed with what Thomas was doing, but there comes a time where you can only do so much, or else you might uncover a truth you might not want to hear.

A slim waiter approached the two, holding a note in his hand. “Hey guys! Sorry to bother you, but there was a man sitting at that table over there and he handed me this note. Pointed to this table and said it was for the dude.” He dropped the folded piece of paper in front of Thomas and sauntered off. Thomas picked the paper up and unfolded it. It read;

324 Blackends Street.

Tomorrow. 8pm.

Anna glanced over. “What is it?”

“I don’t know,” Thomas replied. “All it says is an address and a time. What could this...mean?”

Anna winked. “Maybe someone’s seen something they like?” she said, to which Thomas glared. “What? Look. I don’t want to get your hopes up, but this could be your big break. Your next step into finding out what happened! I say you go, but leave if the person isn’t there after a few minutes.”

Thomas considered it. He’d waited for a moment like this for so long, yet now that it was a possibility he felt strangely sick. He was anxious and terrified. “Of course, we could be wrong and maybe it’s just someone playing some stupid prank. I’ll give it a chance though. Just in case.”

The cousin duo left and parted ways at the door, Thomas’s stomach sick with a mix of anxiety and excitement. Could he really be about to solve the case? To find out the truth?

➰➰➰➰➰➰➰➰

The whole day, Thomas had been extremely off. Even Christopher had noticed.

“Tom, are you okay?”

“James what have I told you about calling me that-“

“I know, I know. But you’ve been so quiet all day. You seem tense, worried about something. I know it was the anniversary of...that...yesterday. Do you need to talk? You can if you want, you know me, Christopher and Math are all here for you.”

“Look I appreciate it. Yes. I’m just stressed about something that happened when I was out with Anna last night and I can’t figure out what it means or why.”

Matthew came over from where he was sitting. “What is it?”

Thomas handed him the note.

“Ooo is someone involved in a secret little rendezvous? Kidding. Unless?”

Thomas deadpanned. “No, Matthew. No I am not. Although I don’t even know what I’m involved in myself. This waiter gave us this note saying it was for me from a random guy at another table. I don’t know what he wants from me or why, but I’m going.”

James’s eyes narrowed. “No you’re not. I don’t want you getting hurt or anything. None of us know what’s happening.”

Thomas took a breath. “I’m only gonna stay there for five minutes I promise. I’ll call you guys as soon as it’s over or if something goes wrong. Trust me, ‘kay?”

Christopher stopped his reading to look up at his cousin for a brief moment. “Please don’t die,” he said in a worrying tone.

“Kit!! I’ll be fine! Please don’t worry. You just concern yourself with your weird and wonderful world of books.” Thomas notices the way Christopher avoided his gaze. He was very fidgety. He tended to get like this when in stressful situations.

“Group hug,” called James.

➰➰➰➰➰➰

Thomas breathed in and out slowly to calm his nerves. He was walking towards the building he presumed it was. He knew he should nope the hell out of there, but what was life without a little risking it? He stopped at the right address-

And was promptly yanked through a doorway.

On which he banged his head.

“Okay now if you’re trying to be discreet on kidnapping me it isn’t really working-“

“Oh SHUT up I’m not kidnapping you you daft log.”

Thomas opened his mouth to reply, but he froze where he was standing. That voice, that beautiful voice. The accent with a slightly foreign lilt.

“No...”

The man replied back in a mocking tone. “Yes...”

“...Alastair?”

He flicked the light on, as if to prove it. And it was. The brown skin, the dark hair and eyes, the short yet lean stature. “In the flesh.”

Thomas threw his arms around him. Alastair returned the gesture. The two sobbed into each other’s shoulders for a while, as if their tears were glue holding them together. Alastair moved his head away, but did not dare to release his grip on Thomas. “I suppose I have some explaining to do?”

“I thought- I thought you were dead! You were shot! Wait, was it fake? Was-“

“That’s one thing that was real about the situation. They had intended to kill me but missed my head and hit me,” said Alastair, rolling up his shirt, “here.”

There was a scar on the left side of his chest. It looked painful.

“Who’s ‘they’?”

“Well it’s not really a they, more a he.”

“Then who’s he?”

Alastair stopped for a moment. Thomas could see his fear. Whoever had hurt him this badly deserved death.

“It’s actually- well, my psycho ex. But- you know him.”

“I do? Who the hell is he?”

“Think of Matthew. Did he ever say anything about his brother? About him going away for several days at a time with no explanation?”

“It’s not- no. Your psycho ex, the one who did all this to you, is Charles? Fairchild? The goody-two-shoes who always acted superior to everyone?”

Alastair nodded.

“Dear God! I’ll kill him, I swear to GOD-“

“No Thomas, please. I need to explain what happened. After I was hurt, I was taken straight to wherever Charles lived. The bleeding stopped on its own, but that’s why the wound hasn’t healed as well. I was basically held captive for three years- not allowed out on my own, or left alone in the house. But one day, I did it. I hurt him, Thomas. I beat the hell out of him and didn’t even care. I still don’t.”

“But- you said you were held for three years. It’s been five.”

“I’ve been all around this country. Trying to hide from him.”

Thomas felt hurt. “But why didn’t you just come straight to me? Or Cordelia? She’s been heartbroken ever since, and she refuses to even mention your name now.”

Alastair was desperate. “I know, and I’m sorry. I couldn’t go there because I thought it would be too obvious. I thought he’d come for one of you, and I couldn’t risk it. But over time, I realised I can’t do this anymore. I decided I was going to move back home- to Persia. Or at least, that I would...if I could do it with you.”

Thomas stood, suddenly angered. “What about my family? My parents?? They’ve already lost one daughter, I doubt they want to lose their son. And my friends??”

“You can visit them! They can come to Persia! It’s just, I will never be safe unless it’s at home,” said Alastair, rushing his words as if he was afraid Thomas would make a run for it. “Please, come with me. I love you, Thomas. I love you and I need you.”

Thomas resigned; he knew what he was going to do.

He leaned down and kissed Alastair; it was as beautiful a moment as it was heartbreaking. Years of pain, now joined together again. Alastair stood up on the tips of his toes and enveloped his fingers in Thomas’s hair. Thomas felt as if the two torn-apart pieces of his heart were knitting themselves back together in that very moment. They broke away from each other, catching their breath more than they thought they needed to.

“You don’t even have to ask twice.”

➰➰➰➰➰➰➰

Thomas informed the others of what was going to happen. No one was pleased, and Sophie was worried, but they made an attempt to understand his situation.

Thomas felt alive for one of the first times in a long time. It was exhilarating and the whole thing was so fun. Part of him worried for his family, but he knew they were safe; it was his duty to protect Alastair.

“I can’t help but feeling that there is not much difference between what we are doing and an elopement,” voiced Alastair, the two together on the plane. Thomas laughed. He put his arm around Alastair, who cuddled in to him as best he could with the awkward aeroplane seats.

“I suppose you’re right. Maybe we’re criminals, and we’re on the run! Or we’re secret lovers, running away to be who we truly are!” he said. The instructions started and the plane began moving. Alastair suddenly felt an odd sinking feeling.

“Are you okay?”

Alastair dismissed the question with a shake of his head and sat up. “I’m fine. It’s just- well we’re leaving so much behind I guess.”

Thomas gripped his hand. “You’re doing what’s right for you, and that’s all that matters.” The stewardesses finished giving their instructions and a new voice came over the plane.

“Hello and good afternoon, this is your pilot speaking!”

“No,” said Alastair. “No no no this can’t be true. He couldn’t have. I-I-,” he froze. He felt his seatbelt in an attempt to open it, but it was jammed. Speechless, he reached over Thomas, who had paled slightly.

His belt was jammed too.

“Alastair- breathe, please you’re going to choke.”

“...please keep your seatbelts absolutely fastened at all times...”

“He found me, Thomas.”

“...because there really...”

“I’m done for.”

“...is...”

Thomas was as speechless as Alastair. He was terrified. For even though they weren’t close, he knew exactly who the voice belonged to.

Charles.

“...no time to die.”

➰➰➰

this is so dramatic i’m sorry but anyways i have a plan for a short prequel (as in, the events leading up to Alastair’s ‘death’) if anyone wants one? and also lmk if you want a sequel 😗✌️

#shadowhunters #lgbtq #queer #the shadowhunter chronicles #the last hours #chain of gold #thomastair #thomas lightwood #alastair x thomas #alastair carstairs #fanfic #oneshot

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ellaintrigue · 4 years

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Because you IDIOTS got me riled up now

Alright, I’m not going to kiss ass and pretend I’ve never said racist shit in my lifetime, but I truly do regard everyone as equals. The main reasons people accuse me of racism these days is because I am not sexually attracted to black men and because I disagree with radical Muslims. I remember my cousin that I disowned telling me that the screenshots and other things I have heard from Muslims in East Asia and the Middle East were “white conservatives pretending to be Muslims to make them look bad.” (I quote.) Before I showed her proof she told me Muslims did not have any sort of sexist or homophobic views.

Now, mind you, SOME, not all Muslims have these radical views. I do not hate Muslims or stereotype them as bad people. But even simple interactions have left a bad taste in my mouth so I do not PREFER that religion anywhere near me. One guy from India was down for a conversation even though he was ideally looking for romance. After we talked a while he confessed he needed to cheat on his wife with multiple women because she had gynecological issues. I asked him what the doctors said and he told me he forbade her from seeing a gynecologist because only whores go to them. He did not want to offend Allah so to keep his wife pure from the touch of a gynecologist he would continue to satisfy himself with sex from strangers. Dude.

Like I said, not all Muslims are nuts, it’s just that oppressive side, just like with conservative Americans. And this is dozens of interactions, including in real life. A Muslim customer at my last job found out my coworker was gay and proudly told him he would burn in hell for being married to a man. This is not a huge hoax created by conservatives like my cousin suggested. However this is a woman who once saw pictures of one of my abusers and said how attractive he was so I have no doubt that she was a few nuggets short of a Happy Meal, long before she made fun of my mother for having cancer.

Of course I don’t like conservatives either. I have mixed views and the way the left puts themselves in a box and the way the right puts themselves in a box makes me sick. Think for yourselves, and think on what you feel is right, not what the news feeds you.

So, pro-lifers, they believe all conception is life, blah blah, and they say that when a woman aborts she deprives a childless couples of the option to adopt. That’s bullshit and I won’t even get into how forced unwanted pregnancies are literal torture. The fact is, and just have we have been seeing in TV ads recently, thousands of kids age out of the foster system without ever having been adopted. I was aware of this long before it started being brought to attention. There are all these kids in the system without true love and support, and even worse so many get abused. It’s horrific.

But conservatives never talk about that, they just whine about fetuses and adoption. Fuck the kids that already exist. In fact, I have had conservatives tell me that adopting from the foster system is a bad idea because those kids have issues like being crack babies and most of them are black. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK... So abortion is bad and all kids that are unwanted have automatic homes with loving Christian families, but hold up, not the black ones. QUOTE from one of these people “no one wants black babies.” That’s a literal quote. Basically, just like liberals stereotype them, conservatives want to save healthy white babies. But it’s not about saving them because, again, they don’t seem to give a fuck about foster kids in general. It’s all about nonstop breeding and controlling women.

I’m surprised they don’t want limits on breast exams and pap smears just like with abortion, but women need the first 2 to stay healthy (I mean abortions are for wellbeing too but you get what I’m laying down) so they can breed more and more. However, conservatives often dismiss birth control as bad, even for medical reasons like cysts because it’s either unnatural, or offends God. Yeah, I’ve been told that. I’ve also been called a whore for mentioning I’m on the pill. I was prescribed it for aggressive ovarian cysts, not just pregnancy prevention.

The brainwashed right has sadly earned most of its negative stereotypes, while I still dislike radical liberals. How is a cluster of cells considered human but a black child is regarded as trash? I’ve tested this theory a few times outside of the conservatives that outright said they didn’t want black or disabled children: when I’ve had the misfortune of encountering a pro-lifer I would mention the theory of tons of unwanted black babies and they couldn’t say anything except spouting insults at me, because, well, they’re racist. I have literally never met a pro-lifer that would be open to adopting a black kid. Maybe if some of them were black themselves but I’ve only met maybe 2 black people I can recall that were pro-life.

Basically, if you’re pro-life you’re not just brainwashed and sexist but you aren’t practicing what you preach because you aren’t going out and adopting all these children you claim are being saved from abortion and being given good lives.

#Adoption #Pro choice #Rights #Equality

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