#i really dont know how to tag so please take caution

[modstarfell]

Same story. Different perspectives.

(POV: Akane Taira)

I knew the day was coming, but for it to happen so soon? I took one last peak into the various rooms the children slept in. I know my big brother will be here but... I'll miss them all a lot.

"Let's go Taira."

Master Utsuro called out to me! I quickly rushed over to him and hugged onto his arm. I took a moment to calm myself, I had to get serious for my role. The Ultimate maid, Akane Taira... That's who I'll become and I'll be that for as long as Master Utsuro needs me to. I took a few deep breaths as we walked together.

"Master Utsuro. After we knock him out, what are we going to do?" Part of me wanted him to say something different. I didn't really want- ... That glance...

"Of course. I'm just... I'm hesitant about having blood on my hands."

I followed Utsuro's gaze towards the docs we talked about before... I was stupid to try asking that. We sat down together in bushes that were tall enough to hide the both of us.

"You're right. Indirect murder I suppose, but we need to get into the school together! So this is the only way it must be!" It has to be... right...? Maeda-sama... You will be alright. We'll go to school in your place and you'll make it out alive. With or without us to help you. I gripped onto the bat a bit tighter as I stared at the door. The day, although silent felt like it couldn't tick by any slower.

---

The door finally opened. My eyes shot to observe Maeda-sama as if I was watching prey... an autopilot-like feeling. Utsuro took my hand and I stood up. We trailed from behind all the way to the academy's store. After he went inside, Utsuro and I made our way across the street where we lingered for a bit. We had to wait for Maeda-sama to leave. Catch him off guard like a mouse suddenly having a wall slammed down in front of it. Even if Utsuro hadn't given me orders I knew exactly what we had to do. Some time passed by before Maeda-sama finally left the store. I almost walked right after him but Utsuro had stopped me, putting his hand on mine to stop me. There had to be some distance gained between him and us. When Utsuro decided it was far enough we began walking together after him.

"The weather is so nice today, we should go to the park later." I squeezed Utsuro's arm and leaned my head against his shoulder. Of course though, he didn't answer. He rarely answers anything directly, but I can see it in his eyes. He's focused on the task at hand. He's glad I'm making small talk though.

"Oh, what about ice cream? It'll be nice to sit in the breeze on the swings with some ice cream, it would help cool us off too~" I hummed a bit, dragging my feet on the ground. It seemed to have attracted Maeda-sama's attention though, him looking at two snakes slowly following their prey. Utsuro held onto my hand a bit tighter after catching Maeda-sama's gaze...

Maeda-sama sped up and crossed the street, and Utsuro had me going off in a different direction. "Are you sure you know where we're going? Will this actually help?"

His cold gaze told me very quickly he didn't want to hear what I was thinking for now. We did manage to catch up and Utsuro popped out in front of Maeda-sama.

"O-oh sorry!" Maeda-sama had walked right into Utsuro. He took a moment to try backing up and bumped into me.

I snuck up behind him and raised the bat above my head. "Sorry Mister Maeda, We need this more than you~" I hummed as I brought the bat down and hit him in the back of the head.

"Impressive, no blood shed." The words that left Utsuro's lips... It was praise. He was praising me. I let out a soft exhale before picking up Maeda-sama on my back. He was heavier then I was expecting but it was better then trying to drag him all the way to the docs.

Was this what I really wanted? Walking with Utsuro to the docs while keeping my eyes to the ground. As always with Utsuro's plans, no one in sight to hear a faint of a whisper... Let alone the wind dancing by ears. We walked over to the shelter that was hidden in the ground of the port. I put Maeda-sama down and forced over the cover before rolling him into it. A thud was heard echoing when Maeda-sama hit the bottom. He was starting to wake up. I saw Maeda-sama's eyes staring right back at me- He's alive. He's alive HE'S-

"Close it Taira."

"Yes Master Utsuro." I quickly closed the covering and held onto Utsuro's arm. I took one quick look around and kicked the bat, letting it roll off into the ocean. Utsuro tugged on me a bit to regain my focus.

"I'm Yuki Maeda now, remember that Taira."

Maeda.... Master Utsuro is... Maeda-sama now. I gripped onto my skirt a bit and took a deep breath before nodding with a smile.

(POV: Utsuro)

Today is the day. It was best to leave early while the kids were asleep, Hashimoto Shobai will be around later on to check on them. At least with leaving now it'll cause less disruptions. "Let's go Taira."

With those few words I felt her grasp on tight to my arm, her usual excitement for as though it was fading a bit. She's been practicing... Good. I led Taira out of the forest and off we made it to the Maeda Household. A certain 'lucky student' resided there. I needed to take his place and Taira needed to pick up her uniforms and school bag from the same place he was going to anyway. Lingering around his house wasn't much entertainment though. Even with Taira trying to occupy herself by picking at the grass clippings it was easy to tell her mind was frazzled.

"Master Utsuro. After we knock him out, what are we going to do?"

I glanced over at Akane. I already told her. We already sorted out what to do with him. Why is she asking something so minuscule in the plan?

"Of course. I just... I'm hesitant about having blood on my hands."

I turned to look in the direction of the docs, Akane's glance following mine. It wouldn't be us. Nature would take its course, if he's truly lucky then he'll survive. Otherwise he'll die either naturally or by the rising water.

"You're right. Indirect murder I suppose, but we need to get into the school together! So this is the only way it must be!" Akane was trying to reassure herself, as she gripped the bats handle tighter.

---

The door of the Maeda household finally opened. I stood up and helped Akane up as well, it was time to follow Maeda. Slowly we followed him to the store's location and watched him walk inside. I'll have to remember this location to bring Akane back anyways... He's just showing me where it was in the long run. Not that he has any idea what's about to happen... It took a bit of waiting before he finally came out of the store, Akane and I had lingered at a gas station across the street. Both of us had guaranteed to keep a watch on him in case the other were to look away. He passed by. We waited for him to walk a bit and we began to follow him.

"The weather is so nice today, we should go to the park later."

Akane's small talk attempts to make it seem less likely for him to notice us.

"Oh, what about ice cream? It'll be nice to sit in the breeze on the swings with some ice cream, it would help us cool off too~" She let out a soft hum.

Maeda heard us. It was obvious he did when he turned around to look at us. I held onto Akane's hand to seem like we were every other 'couple'. It should be that simple. He sped up a bit faster, he was going to cross the street. I took this time to move away from our spot, turning another direction. Moving through a smaller alley to keep following Maeda, I was right. He did exactly what I wanted and I stepped out in front of him.

"O-oh sorry!" Maeda bumped into me, with a rather awkward and apologetic look on his face.

I didn't speak back to him. Staring him down as Akane made her way behind Maeda.

"Sorry Mister Maeda, We need this more than you~" She made her voice sing a little as she spoke. It was unmistakable he went down shortly after being hit on the head with the bat.

"Impressive, no blood shed." I praised Akane's skills as I picked up his school bag and she picked him up onto her back. Together we walked down to the docks, it was a docile time with no one looking. There was a shelter hidden in the ground for emergencies. This doesn't count as a proper emergency... It's needed though. Akane put Maeda down on the ground and lifted up the covering for the shelter before rolling him down into it. There was a small thud when his body hit the bottom. I couldn't help but stare at him for a moment. "Close it Taira."

"Yes Master Utsuro." Akane quickly closed the cover and held onto my arm again. After all, now we need to go back to the store as if nothing ever happened.

"I'm Yuki Maeda now, remember that Taira."

(POV: Yuki Maeda)

My day started off with such exciting news! A letter had come in from the mail that I had gotten accepted into Hope's Peak via the lucky raffle drawing they hosted every year! As soon as I finished reading through the letter I ran to my mother to show her "Mom! The mail came and we got a very special letter in it!" I was so excited as I handed the letter over.

"Ah! Yuki I'm so happy for you! I knew you could get in!" She pulled me into a tight hug and began crying.

"M-mom? Are you alright? You don't have to cry- I don't have to-"

"I'm fine Yuki, and you are going. It's just, my son has grown up so fast. I promised myself I wasn't going to cry and here I am anyways. You'll be such a long ways from home Yukiii..."

"I promise I'll keep in touch so you won't have to worry about me too much okay? I'll sent letters every day too!" I gently moved out of my mothers hug and went to wipe away her tears.

"You're right. I can hold up the house while you're away but it'll still feel weird knowing I wont get to make you lunches and dinners as often anymore. I can still at least make as much as I can and you can take leftovers with you to your dorm! Oh, but with the semester starting so soon... You'll have to go and get your uniform from the store that's written on the invitation though, will you be alright going by yourself?"

I'll admit it did feel weird with it being so sudden but, it felt nice that my mom was so worried about me leaving even with knowing how pristine the school is. "Yeah, I think I'll be just fine. It said they should already have some waiting for me right? So I'll just have to pick them up and I'll bring them back, no worries!"

---

It was well past noon by now, I had to make sure to be at the store at the exact time but they were running behind anyways... They had given me my uniforms in my school bag made directly for the school. I didn't think that there was a specific-tailored school bag but I guess it would be easier to identify students that way. Taking a deep breath as I continued my walk, I just had to get back home and everything should sort itself out perfectly. At least that would be asking the easy way of things, there's eyes on me. I can feel it... Where? I looked around for a brief moment where I noticed a duo walking behind me, a boy with a black hoodie over him with his hood covering his face and a girl attached to his arm. They couldn't be watching me right? They look like every other lovey-dovey couple. To avoid seeming awkward I continued till there was a crosswalk and crossed over to the other side of the street, I can always move back over at another time. I just needed to get them off my tail for now. The air shifted a bit and I let out a soft sigh before looking around, the two were gone? They weren't following me after all. If my paranoia is this bad I can only imagine how much worse it'll be inside of school. I closed my eyes for a brief moment as I continued walking to try and ease myself to relax.

Suddenly I bumped into someone. "O-oh sorry!" It was the same man from before. How did he get in front of me? When did he... He was quite a bit the distance away wasn't he? He didn't seem to answer me though. His eyes stared right back into mine, our eyes were nearly identical. Creepy... I tried to back up when I also ended up bumping into someone, I tried to look but then the man grabbed me by my shirt.

"Sorry Mister Maeda, We need this more than you~" There was a girl's voice behind me as she talked in a sing-song tone. Suddenly I felt something heavy hit me and I dropped my school bag, falling to the ground. My head was throbbing now and things began fading to darkness...

When I finally began coming back I was being thrown downwards into a room. I couldn't see properly and everything was blurry but what I could see was their faces. Neither of them held remorse for knocking me out and taking my things. Where even... Am I...? Suddenly the entrance was closed and It was easy to see that I was trapped here. There's nothing but a mattress stuck down here and a camping lantern. Maybe I just have to bide my time... Someone will find me eventually... Right...? My parents will notice I'm missing and definitely send someone out to find me!

[washymylifeaway]

MatsuHana fanfic recs

HI LOVES :D MatsuHana is one of my FAVORITE ships and I always love reading their fics! I’m procrastinating my other wips rn, so that do be why this is coming out rn LOL. Also that ask really made me get onto writing this, so anon thank you for sending it in LOL. There are some with VERY sensitive topics and they’re very BOLD, but I hope you all are safe while going through this list <3 (also matsuhana leans more to lots of drinking, spicy smut scenes, and teenage boy humor (like d*ck jokes and sexual innuendos) and sometimes I don’t remember to warn for that, so again CAUTION)

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

CP:

plus one by orphan_account (G) 6.1k // this fic made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside LOL. It’s also hilarious and is definitely worth a read! When will I get to share a heart shaped bed with someone :( But I really love it when they just go with the flow of things, and other people are like,,, aren’t you already dating? BUT THEY’RE LIKE UMMM NO? HSAKJSH.

rated m for by orphan_account (T) 10.7k // I love this fic it made me laugh so much throughout the whole thing! The vibes in this fic are immaculate and give me life (we love a good reunion with mystery writers), it is SO good! That’s why you should never leave/stop listening prematurely (@ iwa when he was a single dad fic). 

This gets annoying fast, Makki by Ink_stained_quills (G) 2.3k // IM IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC PLS I COULD NOT STOP CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTER. This AU needs more fics PLEASE. It was SO freakin’ funny and the other teams KILLED ME. Like how they all approached the problem differently and how some of them (KUROO) asked for help LOL. Please this is so freaking funny go read it.

quidditch gloves, parchment, and custard cream by h_lovely (T) 12.4k // THIS IS SO GOOD, I love this fic. It really takes you through the emotions, and I love all the development in it!!!! Their relationship with one another (but only as homies right? ofc ofc), and even their families loving the other, this fic is so good! Read it even if you don’t like slow burn, you won’t even notice <3333

call me maybe by totooru (T) 33.6k // okay yea another (semi) chat fic,,, fight me. MatsuHana are just funny in general but throw some other characters (like Kuroo) into it and it turns into a comedy show. But the main point of this fic was like the near miss meetings and I think that the misunderstanding were hilarious (as much as I hate misunderstandings LOL).

Magical Mishaps and How to Deal by plumtrees (M) 10.9k // I lost this fic once and I searched for it FOR THE LONGEST TIME. But that’s cause I wanted to reread this masterpiece. IT’S SO FUNNY AND CUTE AND DOMESTIC AND UGH. Also the small angst made me SO SAD. But the ENDING? THE KISSES AHHHHHHH. (I’m yelling a lot BUT that’s cause I really love this fic <3333)

hang out fall in love by carafin (T) 8.6k // I love the Makki hates Mattsun initially but then falls for the irresistible charm he posses trope. It might be my favorite trope for MatsuHana specifically LOL. Like I really love this fic and it has MAGIC. It’s like a magical version of the VA one LOL. But like no radio shows or reunited best friends in this one :(

THESE ARE VERY ANGST!!!!!!!

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k // is it possible to hate a character this much? I never realized how much hate/rage I had in me. Really. Like. Imma boutta fight this MF LIKE SQUARE UP. The way I tried to manifest a fake characters death like,,,, Anyway. If my RAGE doesn’t explain how good of a freakin writer they are, then idk what will. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

Even Though it All Went Wrong by plumtrees (T) 9.2k // THIS IS THE REASON THIS POST CAME TO BE. I love this fic with all my heart (or what’s left of it). Like LOVE as in, this fic really broke me beyond just breaking me. Like. When Oikawa says what he says to Mattsun after the thing (you’re sorry __ _____ __ ____) and the Iwa right after (we know __’__ ___ ______ to make you ____ __ ____) (if you’re wondering wtf I’m putting here, just ctrl F you’re sorry and you’ll see), you cannot believe how hard that hit. GOD. (I am okay if you’re wondering :’)) This is my #1 favorite angst fic of all time and if you are okay mentally and have read the tags and warnings and are fine with them, then please read it. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

The Truth Comes Out by Your_Friendly_Neighborhood_Pigeon (T) 10.2k // this made me so sad and empty after I read it. Like I just sat there being like wtf did I just read I’m sad now. Again read the tags, there is a suicide attempt but there’s also some cheating in this one. This one also ends happy. PLEASE READ THE TAGS AND WARNINGS, THERE ARE VERY SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!

New:

kiyala // this writer has a LOT of fluffy MatsuHana and I really love their works! It’s just all (for the most part) really cute and there’s a lotta blurred lines and boundaries that get cleared up (they define what their relationship is but with ~love~) in their fics :) My fav? Making Sense by kiyala (T) 1.5k // it’s very cute and I am one who loves when things just fall into place :D

tookumade // this writer has some of MY FAVORITE MatsuHana fics in it and I’m kinda really sad I don’t get to ramble on about them here :( (dw I will elsewhere LOL) If I had to choose, I would say Remind Me by tookumade (T) 28.6k and Zenith, Nadir by tookumade (T) 10.7k were my absolute favorites, but I cannot choose between them so don’t make me.

plumtrees // I LOVE THIS WRITER OMG. Again, someone who has written my all time FAVORITE fics (did I mention OF ALL TIME?) and I’ve obsessively read some of them too many times :’) Because I already recommended my other faves above, Captured Light by plumtrees (T) 3.5k will be my acting favorite rn. It’s really cute and depicts some really sweet moments between MatsuHana too!

h_lovely // this writer has SO MANY GOOD FICS! I really love their series and their getting together fics are all SO GOOD UGH. I recommended my favorite teen one above, but the other ones I loved are explicit so just check out this writer in general LOL. (I REALLY love mirror flower, water moon, it’s my favorite but it’s E cause some smexy scene happen, but it’s really SO good omfg. Also the roses series IS AMAZING as well!!!!)

cream puffs and carnations; by crossbelladonna (series) 11.6k // AU SERIES!!! I love the AU’s in this series and I really liked the prompts they chose for this MatsuHana week :D My favorite from this series might’ve been there he is again by crossbelladonna (T) 1.6k cause a) I love the mattsun hc in this (for his appearance) and b) IT’S CUTE :D I definitely related to Makki and his not very subtle crushing, and also I like the IwaOi + Makki as friends trope (and then they meet Mattsun), if you couldn’t tell yet LOL.

on the anatomy of crushes by carafin (T) 2.3k // (kinda cp but not LOL) it’s very short and cute and I love it a lot LOL. I love medical AU’s (even though it’s very back burner LOL), but also, like Mattsun saves the day is the move. Like the dedication he has even going on the bus? Especially for a guy? Amazing. I could never :’)

Parallel Lines by orphan_account (T) 16.3k // IN LOVE WITH THIS FIC LIVES IN MY MIND RENT FREE CONSTANTLY. I hate math. Just putting that out here. And while it’s a math fic, IT? IS? SO? GOOD???? And like I love it when characters are smart, like I love intelligent characters so like this was just ajndf. (also same Mattsun, I am allergic to normal math.) 

live it up, drink it in by punybastard (T) 2.1k // GAH this one! This is a pretty iconic fic in MatsuHana hell (in my personal opinion) and if I didn’t have that two fic limit on my staple fics, this would be there. I really loved the ending of it (v cute and v well done), but also the small side stories that were inserted made it all the more entertaining :D (aka the volleyball) But they are drinking underage, so if you’re not about that BE WARNED.

it's cold out here by bishounen_curious (M) 8.6k // PLEASE I LOVE THIS FIC. YES READ YESYESYES READ. OKAY FIRST check tags and warnings, there’s a lot going on in this fic. Like don’t be stupid like them, drinking underage, and don’t do drugs not a good idea very very bad. Aside from that, I am in love with sad sad sad Makki (along with stupid IwaOi) and him being a sad drunk made me ajhkjdfs. Just read it and feel the akfnakjs with me LMFAO.

poolside by tothemoon (T) 4.1k // I’m starting this out with I LOVE the ending and I REALLY LOVE the way this confession panned out. It’s such a great concept and it made me ajhfldshf inside!!! Also, recursive endings are some of my favorites (if you couldn’t already tell LOL), and I think it really makes something so nostalgic and adds depth to a fic.

The Courage of Stars by FairyLights101 (T) 7.1k // AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC YES!!!! OKAY TW CANCER THERE’S CANCER IN THIS NO DEATH JUST PAIN and chemo (which basically is pain). Some controversy, but the angst part of me wanted him to die DONT GET ME WRONG, I’m glad he lived, but like imagine. I really love this fic, and his efforts in the bucket list were admirable :’)

we could be the greatest team by anyadisee (T) 5.7k // it’s my crack fic :D Yes, this is just Seijoh messing around, boys being boys, relationships being compared with other relationships. No pining, just me with my established relationships (and Iwa fanclubs cause those are a thing. ALWAYS).

Wet Your Whistle by darkmagicalgirl (E) 5.4k // SMUT ALERT okay but like while it’s a major plot point (lmfao I can’t believe myself), the storyline itself is good. Also, I’m all here for bartender Makki and tattoo Makki and not subtle at all Makki and basically everything Makki. I like banter and stupidity okay?

[obnoxious clucking noises] by parenthetic (renaissance) (T) 3.4k // some more crack fic for you <3333 Literally, just idiots being idiots. That’s the fic. LMFAO but seriously, I would like to participate as well,,,,, I have yet to lose a game of gay chicken cause of my lack of fear akdjaslk.

that's what you get (for waking up in vegas) by skittidyne (T) 4.2k // THIS IS SO FUNNY. I love Elvis cause he’s always officiating marriages in my fics LMFAO. But also IwaOi in this added some real nice comedy, and overall another crack fic but I really liked this one (AGAIN LMFAO).

A Bouquet of Flours by guyfierimpreg (G) 5.2k // first I want to know how they got the flour to scream, I just can’t figure it out so if anyone would like to send me pictures that’d be great. Second, they would do this bs and this is all canon. I said what I said, and I don’t take criticism. Like, matsuhana best parents proven by the magical mishaps fic (LMAO).

texting (with a capital S) by parenthetic (renaissance) (M) 2.1k // okay I just wanted to say that the accuracy in the math stuff being mentioned makes me feel like this writer was in calc ab or something and that’s trauma right there. Anyways, it’s a texting fic kinda sorta getting together kinda sorta not? Idk how to explain it, but it was funny and then smut LMFOAJIAHFSJS (the derail was just like IwaOi in gay chicken, someone call the police LMFAO).

nebulas by tothemoon (T) 10.8k // I like the casualness of it. Like the confession was just so casual (smooth Mattsun) and like the progression was GOOD. Like, it’s a very poetic fic and there’s lots of thinking of deeper meaning, but its still got some comedy sprinkled throughout. I really loved the flow of it!!!!

my heart beats for contract law by orphan_account (T) 4.4k // I too would have a breakdown over school (me pretending like I haven’t already done that ahaha), but I really love so many things about this fic! Everything was just so ajsdfljdsn and I really love the 3 part plan Mattsun comes up with :DDDD (esp pt 3). Also, to propose while having an emotional breakdown at 3am in a McDonalds drive through. A mf dream.

Reflex by hiuythn (T) 2.3k // PLEASE IF THEY DIDN’T MEET AT HS THIS WOULD BE CANON ASF. You cannot tell me you don’t think this would not be cannon asf. They would meet like this. Also poor Teuchi stuck in the middle of all of this. I haven’t watched naruto, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is random emotional sexual bonding over something. That is important. (THE ENDING AJKFHKJ)

You're in Pink (and I'm in blue) by Hyeyu (T) 4.4k // whooooo Hanahaki whooo anyway, despite how it seems, I like the hanahaki trope. I don’t fully understand it sometimes (most of the time tbh), but it adds some nice angst and desperate confessions, and I do appreciate those :D Honestly, I really liked the way this fic panned out, and I felt really bad for Iwa LOL.

stranger things by tinypersonhotel (G) 10.2k // I really like this one :D:D:D I love Makki + Oikawa friendship and they’re really the best to each other :’) The ending was satisfying, and the PLOT omg. It was SO good. I feel like I say this a lot though LOL, but I’m just really into fics with good plot progression (or else I don’t read them OOPS).

something of a disaster by latenights (T) 1.4k // chaos ahahhaha. Another crack fic? I hope no one is surprised LOL. It’s just a really short and simple, cute getting together fic with a LOT of insults LOL. I love this one in particular, “Tooru’s dinner special”.

snakes, meth labs and something like love by orphan_account (G) 3.6k // THE ROOMMATE AD PLEASE. I honestly would never think Oikawa would get a snake, but that doesn’t matter LOL. This was me indulging myself in the makki IwaOi best friends and mattsun stranger agenda but it’s a great agenda okay? It’s a good fic and there’s a microwaved fish :D

Lemonade by carriecmoney (T) 4.1k // okay once again, responsible drinking and don’t drink underage bad idea smh. But MatsuHana just making out where they want? I could see that. Yeah. Anyway, as much as public make out seshes make me *gag* feel embarrassed, what made me feel more *gag* embarrassed was the fact that the girls? just? stood? there? Like why are you watching this. Is that just me? I feel like they should’ve left smh.

surprise, surprise by airblends (T) 7.6k // some more pining and dancing around the issue whoooo. As much as I hate them not getting to the point (almost as much as I hate misunderstandings), it was a great fic. This is nosebleed c*ck block (idk if I needed to censor that but I did fight me).

A God for Every Season by timkons (T) 18.4k // I love the Hades and Persephone trope! Okay, I just love mythology leave me be, but anyway I really love a lot of this fic. Like how Mattsun thinks it’s a little brighter with Makki? CUTE I LOVE. But also, the fish funeral is ridiculous but also very on brand for Oikawa. And some BokuKuroo (idk is that their ship) in here as well :DDD

The Best/Worst Places to Cry in the City by AngryKitten (T) 4.4k // literally it is the title. Just you know, looking for the best place to cry in the city,,,, I’d like to say, don’t cat call people cause we’re not about that here. Even if it worked out for them, just don’t do it :/ Also don’t follow strangers. I feel like that’s a given but jic ya know?

this isn't exactly how i thought i'd be spending my adult years by jadedpearl (NR) 7.5k // okay petty Makki is yes and so is my Makki + IwaOi agenda LOL. (I’m thriving here can’t you tell? Yes regular skype/phone calls constantly) Anyway, blackouts and sickness really be here getting people together. (I’m asking nicely, nike.) And Makki is smooth with his words. (SHORTER MEN MADE ME LAUGH)

chocolate by tellalie (T) 3.6k // the dedication in this fic was amazing. Like making a whole a cake? Someone go do that for me. (For mankind.) Fake dating is really something else, but fake dating to out gag your best friends? Seems like I need to step up my game (but no seriously, my best friends are PDA monsters I hate it here). Also practice confessions are wack.

FINALLY I MADE IT. You don’t know how many times I almost gave up on finishing LMFAO. Is this my longest list? Idk. But I just know that I would’ve finished faster if I didn’t end up rereading almost every fic on this list LMFAO. Like no seriously I almost had to make a post saying this wouldn’t be coming out cause I got distracted by one of the longer fics (I’m blaming Mirror Flower, Water Moon specifically). But I hope you enjoyed this, and once again go thank that anon for spurring me into finishing this list LMFAO (am I a horse? Yea, probably but if one thing, I’m not sturdy).

[imaginedhaven]

Reluctantly Rooming: Part Three

Link to Masterpost

This has been so much fun, and it’s just going to keep going! As always, I am accepting prompts for this in my ask box.

This addition to the series uses two prompts:

“The salad here is really good.” / “Do I look like a fucking rabbit?” 

and

“Why’d you hug him? You love him?”

 Enjoy!

~*~*~

Aelin grinned and sauntered over to her newest customer a few minutes into her shift. “Good evening,” she purred. “What brings you in tonight?”

Green eyes met hers, completely unamused at her antics. “Considering that you insisted I come in, I think you know very well why I’m here,” Rowan replied.

It was completely true, of course. The previous Sunday, Rowan had kept to his word and helped Aelin get her flat tire fixed. He had also immediately taken her to the nearest grocery store and carefully watched her select fruits and vegetables like a hawk eyeing its prey. Once they had gotten home he had immediately flown into a flurry of meal preparation, and soon Aelin’s entire half of the fridge was full of little glass containers of portioned snacks and meals while Aelin’s roommate was glaring from the counter.

She had mocked him for it endlessly, of course, but truth be told she was immensely grateful. And so she had insisted that he pick a night to come out to the bar, so she could get him a free meal and a drink in thanks. He had picked Friday, and now he was here in the place she spent so much of her week. When they had first started rooming together, and even just two weeks ago, it would’ve been strange and she probably would’ve swapped halves of the bar with Lysandra just to avoid him. Now, though, she felt a strange warmth at seeing him so clearly out of his depth for her sake.

“I’m kind of hoping you’ll trust me on the drink, but is there something in particular you want to eat?” she asked.

“You’re the one who works here,” he retorted. “Surely you have a recommendation, seeing how you chose to eat here most nights rather than just admit you can’t cook to save your own life.”

Where that jab would’ve started a real fight just a few weeks ago, now Aelin just gave him her sweetest smile. “The salad here is really good.”

Rowan lifted a single eyebrow. “Do I look like a rabbit to you?”

“Well, since you seem intent on turning me into a rabbit I thought I would offer,” she said, finally bursting into laughter.

Before Rowan could say anything else, a lilting high tenor sounded behind her. “Is there a problem here, Laena?”

Aelin only laughed harder, nearly doubling over as Rowan’s eyes widened. “Oh, don’t be an ass, you know everything’s fine,” she wheezed.

Beside her, a man with dark curls offered a hand to Rowan, who warily shook it. “I’m Sam,” he explained, “bar manager and old college friend.”

Rowan nodded, gaze flicking back over to Aelin. Laena? he mouthed.

Aelin rolled her eyes. “The nickname is short for Celaena. It was the name on my fake license when we met, and he’s never let me forget it. It helps here, sometimes, if someone’s being a little too pushy. Whoever it is walks out of here without my real name, so I let him get away with it.”

Sam chuckled. “I do what I can. But I’ve embarrassed you enough for now, I think.” And without another word he faded into the bustle of the room, where she knew he would be carefully overseeing the crowd.

“Sorry about that,” Aelin said to Rowan. “If I knew he was going to come over and be an ass, I’d have warned you.”

Rowan shook his head, but she could see the faint glimmer of a smile. “It’s good that you have someone looking out for you at work,” he replied.

She smiled back and got to work. Together, they decided on a burger she’d had before for his meal. “Do you trust me?” Aelin asked.

“As much as I feel like I’m going to regret this, go ahead,” he sighed.

Aelin grinned and gathered her ingredients, dropping a single cube of sugar into a glass and soaking it with a mix of bitters. “I’ve been thinking about what I’d serve you for a week,” she began. “I won’t lie, it was tempting to serve you straight amaro and nothing else just to watch your face. But all jokes about bitterness aside, I wasn’t going to actually be that mean.”

“I’m eternally grateful,” Rowan deadpanned.

“You should be,” she laughed, reaching for a muddler and crushing the cube down. “But none of the sweeter drinks seemed like you, either. If I had to guess, in your personal life you don’t mix drinks at all, you just drink your spirits straight.”

The guess earned her a nod. “Even that isn’t often, but when I do, you’re right.”

Aelin nodded as well, dropping a sphere of ice into the glass as well and then reaching for the bottle of rye she’d selected. “So I didn’t want to deviate too much from that and give you a glass that was basically full of sugar, but I wanted to take you just a little outside your comfort zone.” Deftly she added the alcohol to the glass and then began to stir. “That left me with a much shorter list. Spirit forward. Classic pairings. Something even a joyless buzzard like you can appreciate.”

The name had started as an insult, Aelin mused as she reached for an orange and deftly carved a strip of its peel away from the fruit. Now, though, it was… almost an endearment. If friends traded endearments, that was.

Rowan’s eyes widened as she reached for a match, expression turning wary. “What exactly are you doing?” he asked.

Aelin grinned. “Helping you live a little,” she said as she struck the match and held the peel to the flame.

The smell of caramelization and warm orange oil reached her nose soon enough, and she blew out the match and set it aside before gently twisting the peel over the top of the now-completed drink and rested it on the rim of the glass. With a smirk, she slid the glass across the bar and watched as her roommate looked it over. “What is this?”

“If I told you, you’d think I was making fun of you,” she laughed. “So we’ll call it a ‘Trust Me, Rowan’ instead.”

The remark earned her another roll of those pine-green eyes, but he obediently lifted the glass, swirling its contents gently and inhaling delicately. “I wouldn’t have thought scorching the orange peel would change its scent so much,” he remarked.

Aelin grinned. “And that’s why I’m behind the bar and you’re in front of it. Go on, try it.”

As she watched, he carefully lifted the glass to his lips and took a small sip. She bit her lip, doing her best to wait out his reaction as his eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Finally he let out a pleased hum, and she could no longer contain her smile. “All right,” he said. “If I admit that I like this, will you tell me what it’s called? Or did you just make it up?”

Aelin tugged on a stray strand of hair as she bit back a laugh. “I didn’t invent this, no,” she said. “It’s been around for a while.”

“And?”

She glanced at him again and finally lost the battle with her mirth, leaning heavily on the bar as she broke into a fit of giggles. “It’s called an old fashioned,” she wheezed as Rowan rolled his eyes and grumbled into his drink.

~*~*~

Rowan left about an hour after that, but Aelin was still laughing about it with Lysandra as they worked to wipe the bar clean after closing. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind, and she laughed and turned, tossing her rag into Sam’s face. “Haven’t you caused enough trouble today?” she teased.

“Not quite enough yet,” he grinned. “So why’d you hug him? You love him or something?”

Aelin laughed as she remembered back to Rowan leaving the bar. He’d obviously intended to slip away without calling attention to his departure, but she had noticed him and chased him down to give him a giant hug and a smacking kiss on his cheek. He had growled and immediately gone to wipe his face off, tossing her a glare that once would’ve left her shaking in her boots. Now, though, she had simply laughed and told him it was revenge for him trying to sneak away. “No,” she finally said as she turned her attention back to Sam. “No, that’s my roommate. We’re trying out this new thing where we actually get along.”

“Oh, so this is the roommate from hell we’ve been hearing so much about,” Lysandra chimed in. “You didn’t say he was hot.”

“I feel like that wasn’t relevant to what I was telling you,” Aelin pointed out. “Hot people can be jerks just as much as the rest of us.”

“She says as though the three of us aren’t hot,” Sam laughed.

“He’s got a point,” Lysandra agreed, green eyes bright with mirth as well. “But anyway, we’ve got a mess to clean up here. We can sort out Aelin’s future domestic bliss later.”

Aelin scowled as her two friends laughed. “I wouldn’t go that far,” she cautioned them.

“Ah, but if we don’t, who will?” asked Sam.

“You’re assholes and I hate you both,” Aelin said with no heat in her voice.

“Oh, come on, you love us,” Lysandra grinned. “Sam, what can you do about all three of us having the same day off sometime soon?”

“You know I don’t control the schedule,” he sighed, but his brown eyes were glimmering with amusement. “That said, we all have this coming Sunday off. Why, do you have a plan?”

“I’ve always got a plan,” she replied. “But in this case, I suppose I can extend my plans to include the two of you.”

“This is all well and good,” Aelin drawled, “but at least one of us would like to sleep at some point tonight.”

“You just want to get home to that roommate of yours,” Lysandra retorted.

“Oh, would you—”

Aelin’s words cut off with a yelp. She had been turning to face Lysandra, but suddenly her ankle buckled and she hit the floor with a cry and the sound of something cracking.

~*~*~

If anyone has questions about any of the mixology involved in this, I am of course happy to answer to the best of my ability! I don’t do it professionally, but in this quarantine it has become an... extensive and somewhat expensive hobby. Yikes. Lol.

Tagging:

@ireallyshouldsleeprn @queen-of-glass @fangirlprincess09 @sassys-world @morganofthewildfire @superspiritfestival @perseusannabeth @sis-it-dont-add-up @jlinez @julemmaes @emilyoftheshadows

[nyctophilin]

A little rant

Hi! So, I have seen this post, and I told myself “This shit can’t be real!” so I decided to exit the page and enter it again and the post was still there. So I did it again and again and again and the post was still there. So this shit is real! Okay. :D

The op said that people got her hot and you know what? She got me hot too, so let’s talk about this. There were so many...things going on in that post and honestly, I am still trying to convince myself that it’s real. Fortunately, op broke it down in three sections so it will be easier for me to address that hot mess.

Warning: I have mentioned some triggering things in here like r@pe, abuse in BDSM relationships, sexualisation, spreading of personal information. Please proceed with caution.

Let’s start with section A, shall we? This whole section is about people being uncomfortable with other people writing smut. OP starts this section by saying “something people need to realize is not everyone is a soft stan or minor.” and they are right. However, there is a difference between being a hard stan and straight-up sexualising someone. 

There is nothing wrong with writing smut, but how you behave outside of that smut fic is what defines you. Some of the writers they are defending just straight up sexualise the boys. There is no creativity there. Being turned on by Hyunjin talking to his dog and sexualising something that Chan said as a response to a mean comment is another level of disgusting that some people have reached. There is no hard stan behaviour in all that, there is just disgusting people behaviour. The fact that they are “adults” does not excuse it.

Another thing they said in the A section was “as writers they can do what they would like to when it comes to their content.” and they are right here too. Is not like we can stop them from continuing to post whatever the fuck they want. However, that doesn’t mean that what they post is right and people shouldn’t be upset about it. Lolita mangas is a thing people do because they want to. Does it make it right? No. Writing fanfiction about real-life terrorists is a thing that people do because they want to. Does it make it right? No. So when someone comes for your favourite smut writer with other arguments besides “I don’t like it.” and points out problematic things with the fic then you have no right telling people to “just dont read their content.”. There are writers that write r@pe fanfiction, abusive BDSM dynamics, sexualising little space, romanticizing mental illness and many more and people have all the rights to be upset about this and call them out. So even if it “makes absolutely no sense” I will “take time out of my day to question a writer’s content” not because I don’t like it, but because it’s wrong. Believe it or not, some things are just wrong, whether people like them or not.

Moving on to section B and this is the one that upset me the most. This section is about how some people are uncomfortable with the age gap between idols and writers that are adults. To sum it up for you because I am not about to quote the whole shit, OP is basically telling us that as long as both the idol and the writer are adults then the age difference shouldn’t matter.

First of all, let’s not talk about how hellbent has been used totally wrong in this context and it took me a moment to realise what they meant, but yes, some people are really fixated on the age difference between idols and writers. You can’t come at me with the bullshit that “it shouldn't matter if everyone in question is an adult.” because you are saying that an almost 30 years old having sexual fantasies about a 19 years old is okay. It’s not. The 19 years old is fresh off of high school and the 30 years old has been working for 6 years. If you wouldn’t be okay with it happening in real life then you shouldn’t be okay with it happening to an idol. 

Some smut writers don’t even write for Jeonging because they say that it’s uncomfortable having this big age difference between them and that they can’t see themselves having sexual fantasies about a senior in high school/freshman in college. If they feel like that and understand the concern people have regarding this matter then so can the other writers in a similar situation. There is no excuse here. If you are a 28 years old thinking sexually about an 18/19 years old(because this is what you need to do in order to be able to write smut) then that is just disgusting. Period.

Second of all, I won’t even talk about the “mathematical representation” part. That whole bit it’s just pure garbage. Just take the whole part and throw it away. This is not a situation that you should represent using math. We are talking about real-life people here, not numbers. What if you were 19 and had a 30 years old write their sexual fantasies about you? Would you feel comfortable with that? Of course, the boys know that the fans have sexual fantasies about them. They are not stupid. However, and this is just my opinion, I don’t think that the first people that come into Jeongin’s mind when he thinks about that, are people approaching or being in their 30s.

Now, part C and this one is a handful. This was supposed to be about minors being upset that adults gatekeep smut but I don’t know if it really respects the theme. It starts with the question “if youre a minor and you get upset over adults writing smut then truly what are you doing??” and this is exactly what they are doing. They are getting upset that adults write smut. It says it right there, in the question. Honestly, this has nothing to do with the “gatekeeping smut” part. If you wanted it to be about that, then it should have been structured in a whole other way.

But anyway, they continue to say how minors interacting with NSFW is wrong and they shouldn’t do it and I fully agree and I have stated this before. They should not partake in this kind of activities because it was not meant for them, but I have never seen anyone say anything about “gatekeeping” smut. Minors are upset at the hypocrisy. And believe it or not, minors writing erotica is not illegal. It’s very much legal. Is it morally correct? Absolutely not and it’s best if they don’t go down that path because it will only harm them. But can you do anything to stop them? No. The only thing you can do is ask them to stop writing it and if they refuse is best to block them. But again, I don’t support minors doing that and I hope they don’t.

Also, don’t even dare tell me about adults that have minors dni or 18+ in their bio. I know for a fact that 80% of those people go and interact with minors themselves. How come you say don’t interact and then you are the one to interact? And on your NSFW blog? At least make a SFW one. None of those people actually care about keeping minors “safe”, although it is a nice impression that you have about them. With the spreading of personal information, keeping minors that write smut secret and telling possible minors to not reveal their age so they can keep interacting with NSFW content, none of those people actually care about minors. They only care about their asses. But again, it is a nice impression you have of them.

Then they go on and say “some minors think theyre mature enough to handle that shit.... NO NO YOU ARE NOT” as if turning 18 magically makes you mature enough. It doesn’t. You still have the 17 years old mentality you had the day before your birthday. I am not saying that minors are mature enough to do that, but again, is anyone mature enough for the r@pe fics and unhealthy BDSM dynamics?

And because OP screamed in that next part, so will I. HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO “GO READ SOME FLUFF OR ANGST” WHEN THE TAGS ARE FULL OF DAMN SMUT? FIRST HAVE SMUT WRITERS STOP TAGGING THEIR SMUT FICS IN THE FLUFF AND ANGST TAG AND THEN THEY WILL GO AND DO THAT TOO.

And this wasn’t planned, but we also have a bonus part. This is so exciting! They say “STOP TREATING STRAY KIDS + EVERY OTHER DAMN KPOP GROUP LIKE BABIES!” and I have been saying this for ages. And you know what I am about to say. However, doing any of the things mentioned in this post cannot be called infantilizing. Wishing that people wouldn’t sexualize or write problematic fiction about them is not babying. Getting uncomfortable when someone 10 years older than an idol has sexual fantasies about them is not babying. Stop acting as if people wishing that other people would stop pursuing disgusting behaviours is wrong.

And please “these grown men”. I almost laughed. The only man that can be called grown there is maybe Chan, but people from Hyunjin to Jeongin are definitely not grown. They are in the process of growing and becoming grown, but they aren’t grown. Of course, people are aware that they know about sex, but they shouldn’t have to deal with having r@pe fics written about them or having people much older thirst about them. And if you don’t agree with that, oh well, that’s sad.

[castielsbeeslippers]

Part I

Summary: Dean regrets it instantly. The way he snapped , the words that tumbled from his mouth. The small argument between him and his little brother had escalated into a full blown screaming match , and now Sam was gone. Dean takes off to clear his head and ends up in an erie cemetery where he believes he is alone.

On ao3

Thank you to @wantstoflyafraidtofall for being beta 🖤you’ve helped me immensely! 🥺

The rumble of the classic car’s engine shook the stillness of the cemetery grounds rustling the leaves and still the air hung heavy.

With a soft screech of it’s black tires the car came to a stop. Dean must have driven over thirty odd miles to get away from that old motel that his younger brother had already abandoned. Dean just had to get away to anywhere but there.

He closed his tired eyes , feeling them sting.

He killed the engine and let himself go.

His guilt escaped from his gut-wrenching sobs. He was truly alone.

(The dead would never tell.)

Dean ran his callused hands over his soft eyes and sighed into them. He drug himself out of his classic car and did his best to pull himself together with each step.

He looked over his shoulder... nothing but the empty road.

He didn’t want to face the world or the reality of it all....His brother was god knows where because of him and that absurd fight. Dean had really crossed the line this time. A knot formed in his stomach as he recalled his harsh words.

The emotions bubbling inside him didn’t have a name. Frustration and fear didn’t seem to even scratch the surface.

His boots crushed the moist earth beneath them with unforgiving force.

A distant snap jolted Dean from his thoughts.

Dean without hesitation ripped his gun from his pocket aiming directly ahead into the stillness.

“Show yourself.” He spit into the air.

Whatever ghoul or spector was about to rue the fucking day. Dean was ready to whiplash himself from numbness to rage.

The wind only whistled in reply. It was probably just some wild animal. He let the mind drift for a moment keeping his defensive stance , still unwavering not letting himself be convinced.

Something far off rustled like a scared flock of birds, a whooshing sound rushing all at once into Dean’s ears.

Dean spun himself around only to see again the empty road that was now laden with a thick white fog... that Dean knew had to have just crept in.

It sent a chill down his spine.

‘Haunted cemetery, no shit’

He tensed his shoulders, mentally cursing himself. He already felt like roadkill and this was just adding to the fun.

Dean whipped his head back leering into the cemetery, his eyes catching on a shadowed figure.

Dean held his breath and crept forward his gun leading the charge.

The figure moved from darkness laying steady steps.

“Stay right there.” Dean warned through his clenched jaw.

The figure did not. His looming shadow turned to a man in a soft dirt colored trench coat, his hair a black tussled mess.. and his eyes pure electric.

Dean’s breath hitched , his eyes searching the man frantically.

His gun, unamused and unmoving.

“Hello.” The man spoke with a gentle monotone.

“Stop.”

“You can lower your weapon , I bear no ill intent towards you or any other human.” The man's voice boomed again.

Not human. Dean figured as much. He tore his eyes away from the man's eyes and steadied himself again.

“What the hell are you?” Dean growled. The figure's calm demeanor only pushed his buttons more.

“I’m Castiel, Angel of the Lord , Thursday’s Angel if you prefer a shorter title.” The self-proclaimed Angel said with a shrug.

“Yeah okay , and I’m Queen Elizabeth.” He chuckled darkly.

The Angel’s blue eyes gleamed as he tilted his head at the man's comment.

“You’re looking much younger.” He told the hunter flatly.

“Tryin’ to mess with me?” Dean snapped back.

“He’s not dead, Dean.”

“Excuse me?” Dean’s stomach lurched.

“I’m not supposed to be here, Dean.” The angel shook his head softly with a frown.

“I’m not even sure where “here” is.” He admitted.

Or when. He didn’t add.

Dean grit his teeth , the way he said his name with a familiarity on his tongue made Dean’s whole body tense up.

“Start talking , you’re acting like you know me.” Dean demanded no question in his tone.

Castiel smiled. A wide smile.

“I’ll tell you everything Dean, assuming you can do the same ”

Dean’s jaw clenched.

Castiel tilted his head to the right , careful to keep his lips in a line leaving his eyes wide, unblinking.

This Dean stood before him, turmoil swirling beneath his skin. Castiel felt Dean’s mind rapid fire, laden with guilt, which was so familiar, lost and searching.

How desperately the angel wanted to part the dark clouds and bring comfort to the man before him.

‘Gently , slowly. ’ He thought to himself , he didn’t want to approach this the wrong way.

“Would you sit with me?” Castiel asked cautiously.

His trench coat flowing softly after him as he turned on the ball is his dress-shoes.

Dean's eyes ever glued to the angel before him.

Dean held right to his pearl gripped pistol, still heavy in his right hand, he nodded and swallowed his protest.

“Sure.” Was the only thing he could muster.

They sat in silence for a while before Cas broke it with a soft boom of his voice.

“Dean,”

Dean's body thrummed again. The way his name was said made something deep inside flutter.

Dean only looked at Cas in wait for a reply.

The prominent sensation was still buzzing , the tickle of electricity on Dean’s skin that grew stronger with each step he took towards the angel-shaped man.

The metal bench was cold and damp beneath them. Castiel gave no reaction to this and Dean chose to ignore the damp spots forming on his jeans.

Dean carefully tucked his gun back away against his better judgement in an attempt to be polite, but something deep in his mind felt this “Castiel” could be trusted. He felt like he was losing it.

“I haven’t met you yet. This you….in the time I’ve come from we’re, and I quote “best friends… if you can believe it.” Cas started off slow with caution in his low tone.

Dean so far wasn’t buying it.

And Cas knew it just by the look in his eyes.

“I’m afraid I don’t know how much more I can say ,without upsetting the cosmic balance Dean...but I hope you can at least trust I care for you a great deal.”

A beat.

“You and your brother.”

That woke Dean up.

“Sam,” Dean grit out.“You mentioned him before, what do you know about my brother you holy tax account stalker.”

“I know he’s safe, I’m afraid I-“

Before Castiel got the rest of his sentence out Dean had jumped from the bench and was now standing in front of his eyes.

“Tell me.” he demanded.

“Dean please, you need not worry let me continue.”

“Please” he huffed softly.

And with that Dean did. He sat back down, still tense as he had been.

“He’s simply ‘blowing off some steam as you would put it.” Cas said softly.

“Yeah real awesome intel. Where ?”

“Not far, but please Dean give him some space lets-“

“Space?” Dean snapped.

“I can personally assure his safety… after we converse we can even go to him.” Cas said calmly.

“You want to just talk?” He raised his brow.

“I do.” Cas replied.

Dean swore he could see the gears turning in the dark haired angel’s (man’s?) head.

Reluctantly Dean gave in he really wasn’t sure what was coming over him. No matter how sincere those baby blue eyes were, he shouldn’t trust him. Not this quickly.

“Alright then start talkin’” Dean gave a huge sigh, his shoulders still stiff and unflinching.

“Please allow me a moment of just being… we’ve been through much...” the familiar words he’d spoken, and yet to speak forming on the tip of his tongue.

“Yeah… sure” Dean’s tone softened without permission.

He felt those damn eyes again all over him.

Castiel drank in this younger Dean. Still tough as nails, still loved his brother more than his own hide, but still, while familiar, Castiel couldn’t get enough. Not that he kept his eyes to himself at any point but this was something else. A Dean before perdition, before he’d rebuild his soul… his every fiber and cell.

“Listen .” A hard swallow. “I don’t know what we’ve been through in the future, but I’m not really getting this whole “Angel of the Lord shtick.”

Cas laughed lightly. Not at Dean, it was too gentle.

“You never really had faith in them.” Cas found himself putting emphasis on them…

It was them not him… Dean has faith in him. He was sure of that, even if he hasn’t always been.

“But you’re... Different?” It came out innocent.

A nod. “It’s the cracked chassis.” He said plainly.

Dean didn’t fully understand but he got a pretty good idea.

“You called them dicks with wings.”

“The other angels.” Cas added after a moment of silence.

Dean huffed. That did sound like him.

There was a lull in the conversation, the fog still thick around them.

“So... you really don’t know how you got here?” Dean finally settled on what to say.

“I have a working theory.”

“Which is?”

“I’m simply supposed to be.”

“That’s not what you said earlier.” Dean reminded him , not the slightest convinced.

Cas let himself smile again, his crows feet visible and crinkled.

“Changed my mind.”

“Alright.” Dean said standing up from the bench.

“Let's get a change of scenery, this place isn’t exactly what I’d call a hang out spot.”

Cas’ chest got tighter with a small rush of nerves.

“We can head towards wherever my dick brother is hiding out.”

“Alright, Dean.” Cas conceded , he really wasn’t in any position to argue with him.

This is part one ✨I might be posting this on ao3 but I’ll be and part two to tumblr soon ~ this should only be two or three parts in total ✨🖤

Tag list : @my-favourite-hellatus , @nguyenxtrang , @i-dont-even-wanna-know , @withclawsandsympathy , @sideofangels , @hazel-eyed-bi @lilac-void ,

🖤Feel free to ask to be added or removed ✨

[sammysnaughtygirl]

MEETING WITH YOUSUMMARY: THE FIRST OF EVERYTHING FOR THESE TWO RATING:PG PAIRING"CORDELL WALKER & BROOKE d. TAGS /WARNINGS: SOME ADULT LANUAGE @walker-bingo Square Filled :the first

It was a cold day in september the air felt like ice,the sky was gray with sparks of blue brooke was on her way home from work after a long day she has just broken up with her longtime boyfriend and she wasnt in the best of modes she had been crying thier were still tears flowing down her cheeks as she reached to retreve her water bottle that had slipped into the floorboard ,when she grabbed it and looked back at the road she was about to go over the side of the road with a quick turn of the wheel she spun around in the middle scared and hurting but things were about to get worse another car was traveling the same road and it was going to fast they didnt even see her before the crashed into her car brooke was thrown to the side of the car before hitting her head on the windsheild ,she couldnt breath or even move for a moment ,hello are you ok the other driver called out she peared over the dash to see who was appreaching her vehicle she saw a tall dark haired man with broad shoulders hello he called again are you ok in there?brooke opened her door slowly with caution because she didnt know this person and she didnt know what to exspect her face was covered in cuts & blood was dripping in her hair im so sorry cordell exclaimed i didnt see you there in the road,you didnt see me brooke ask a second time then what were you doing driving how could you not see me she started to cry cordell was frightened can i take you to the hospital what no brooke said i dont want to go the the hosptial but maybe you need to he answered no im fine she was shaking alittle from the accident but i think you should let a doctor look at you cordell replied no for the last time just no he could tell something was wrong with her but she insisted she was ok ,well if you need anything let me know he spoke as he wrote down his number and handed it to her as he turned to head to his car brooke screamed out in horror dont leave me she cried you cant just leave me here alone she had tears falling from her checks ,her eyes were blood red, im sorry i wont leave you cordell exclaimed he reached out to take brooke,s hand and he noticed that she didnt seem alright he could tell something was wrong with her she was shaking and in shock from the accident so he picked her up and carried her to his car he pulled open the drivers side door and jumped in where do you live cordell asked her but she couldnt seem to rember she was carrying a small brown purse so cordell looked inside for her ID once they arrived at the house he took her inside ok im gonna go now he told brooke no no i dont want to be alone she answered please stay with me cordell agreed to stay the night he accompanied brooke upstairs to her bedroom and helped her with getting into the shower he couldnt help staring at her perfect figure thank you brooke said im gonna go downstairs and make some tea he told her leaving the room ,to let her have some alone time brooke stood there under the hot steamy water and let it bounce from her back it felt so good she thought she was covered in brusies all over her face arms, back ,legs she just stood there under the hot water not moving ,just enjoying the moment the water by this time was starting to get cold sso she reached down and turned the knob to the water off grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her small body she stepped into the bedroom and threw on her nightgown as she stood in front of the mirror combing her hair there in the hallway cordell could see her nightgown hunged her so he could he see the outline of her body she was slime but curvy in all the right places you are beautiful he whispered dont say that she wimpered why hasnt anyone ever told you that your beautiful? brooke looked confused like alittle child lost just dont say that replied well im not sorry nd you are beautiful brooke stared down at the floor let me show you cordell told her as he pulled her face up to the mirror so she could see what he was seeing but all brooke saw was the bruises ,cuts and the black eye that was beginning to swell .want some tea cordell asked her

yes that would be nice , so they headed back downstairs for their tea after a few sips brooke was drifting off to sleep so she dismissed herslelf saying goodnight aving him blankets and a pillow sleep with goodnight he called out to her brooke was asleep when her head hit the pillow but cordy as wide awake his mind was wondering what brooke might be thinking was she really ok he thought she seemed scared and frightened after a few minutes he too drifted into slumberland. when cordell awoke he heard starnge noises coming from the kichen ,it sounded like the voice of an angel,he slung open the kitchen door brooke was dancing and singing while making breakfast i hope your hungry she called to him yes i could eat he said she placed two fried eggs and bacon with toast on a plate and slide it down the table to himshe poured him a glass of orange jusice and placed it from of him thank you ,my pleasure brooke answered cordell ate in slicence when he was finished he placed his plate in the sink and stood up from the table and faced brooke he slide his hand up to craddle her face beautiful indeed he said as he touched her face brooke was at lost for words she just nodded her head im gonna go now he told her yes and thank you for staying with me and making me feel safe she said cordell left the room and walked to his car opened the door hopped in the drivers seat fired up his stang only to rember that he had not even gotten her name he only knew that she was an angel a beautiful angel .

[bjy-on-ao3]

Omg, i just read your dionysus fic, over indulgence, and holy shit, it was amazing! I really liked how you characterised him, and reader too, i just dont know what to say other than i absolutely loved it! I'd love to see more hades content! Maybe with Ares this time? He is always so smug, and somehow can be both very intimidating while staying super polite.... Im howwible with prompts, but maybe one where reader is a priestess of athena and somehow catches ares's attention?

I hope you don’t mind stuff rough.  I hope this satisfies your want for Ares, Anon!

In the game, Athena and Ares don’t seem to really like each other all that much, so I figured any priest/priestesses or disciples of her would have been warned about him. It also made sense for me that many of those people would double as great warriors/soldiers skilled at defense, but also in battle overall.If you’re looking for something warm and soft, please turn back. I really can’t see Ares in a gentle light, and this fic will contain blood/bloodplay, biting, bruising, and Ares getting a kick of out it all. Dubcon only because Reader agrees to the conditions of Ares being able to take what he wants if they lose. (As usual, you can find the AO3 version of all my uploads [and some things I don’t post here to tumblr] via my Masterlist blog page.)

Tags/Warnings Biting, Blood, Bloodplay, Combat, Creampie, Dubious Consent, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Reader Insert, Sadism, Shameless Smut, Vaginal Sex, Violent Sex

Summary Reader - priestess and champion of Athena and fresh off becoming victor of a tournament held in honor of the gods - has an encounter with the most bloodthirsty god of them all: Impressed, Ares offers them a boon should they best him in combat - though if they lose, Ares may take what he sees fit.

Fic Friday

Shieldmaiden (F! Reader/Ares)

The day had been a long and arduous one, filled to bursting with adrenaline and quick-thinking. Oft enough, your days were composed of training or ceremonies, or helping those who sought aid from the temple to Athena you served. But dawn that morning had heralded the start of a tournament lasting till Helios drove the sun beneath the horizon once more. In a way, those who fell quickly were rewarded with a reprieve from the constant bouts, as even though the humiliation of defeat burdened them.

Even on the heels of victory, by the time the battles had concluded, you were tired and sore, marred with minor bruises and a few nicks and scrapes. It was nothing that a good night’s sleep and some poultices wouldn’t solve, though. ‘All worth the honor of winning such a tournament’ you told yourself. Unlike some combatants, you hadn’t killed an opponent, seeking to shed the least blood possible. Your efficiency had no room for excess. But no amount of hard-won praise and self-satisfaction could change that you were looking forward to curling up and resting until the sun rose on a new day.

Traipsing back to the temple in the glowing purple and red twilight, however, a voice caught your attention. “I must say, your performance today was quite impressive.”

To your credit, you didn’t jump or flinch away, becoming stock still and turning slowly toward the source of the voice. “Who’s there? Whom do I have privilege of impressing?” You asked cautiously, unable to strip all the irritation from your tone. You had patience remaining, though you were loath to chat with someone over your victory when you would much rather be in your bed.

Your eyes landed on a tall figure you somehow hadn’t noticed before - a man - stance regal and straight. Something about the posture gave off a sense of nonchalance as well. Clad in armor of ivory and gold, accented with long shards of black and the eerie glaring face of a beast on the chest plate, he radiated an aura of menace, accompanied by a bloodlust so tangible you could almost taste it on your tongue, hot and bitter. Eyes like smoldering coals plucked from a roaring hearth stared at you intently.. Combined with the simper spread over his lips, you couldn’t suppress the chill that raced up your spine.

Something in your gut twisted uncomfortably, and you resisted the urge to put a few more paces between the two of you. Even if it hadn’t been for the myriad weapons crossed over his back, or the impressive armor, the man would have seemed someone to be cautious around, someone you shouldn’t trust. Everything put together set you on high alert instantly, the instinct of fight or flight rising in your chest like a bird taking wing. Something primal shrieked at you that, for once, flight might be the preferred choice.

“You fight rather viciously for one under my dear sister’s wing,” the man mused, his tone light, but formal.

“I asked before - who are you?” you pressed again, not interested in mincing words. You didn’t like how easily he spoke to you or offhandedly disparaged your goddess.

“Oh, no hesitation to be found. Perhaps Athena neglected to impart all of her wisdom to you after all.” you bristled at the insult, taking a deep breath and trying to relieve some of the tension coursing through you. “I am Ares, and I desired to see the prowess of my sister’s little owl before my own eyes.”

‘Little owl?’ the nickname distracted you at first, thinking to the tiny owls often depicted accompanying your Lady, but you shook your head and dismissed the thought. You hadn’t the time to concern yourself with foolish nicknames. “Lord Ares? Well, I have no desire to see you, my Lord,” you said. With the revelation of his identity, you felt even more uneasy. Ares, god of war and death, who was said to bask in the bloodshed and chaos of man. Athena had been certain her followers knew well of her violent half-brother. “I may not have all of my Lady’s knowledge, but I am wise enough to keep my distance from you and the needless death that follows in your wake.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, wary of each word and wondering if he might take offense from your rejection. From the tales told, the Olympians never took well to being ignored or spurned, but to indulge in the company of a god like Ares was no more appealing a choice. The look on Ares’ face remained pleasant, the corners of his lips set in a smug smile, and he let out a quick puff of laughter that would have been pleasant, had it not come from him.

“What a pity. Although I do not believe that choice is yours to make, little owl,” he began, closing some distance between you. You followed his movements intently, concerned he might draw one of the swords from his back and set upon you with every step closer. “Surely you do not think yourself beyond the bidding of one god solely because you serve another?”

Your hands clenched and unclenched nervously at your sides as you considered his words. Ares was right, of course. Being a priestess of Athena did not grant you any protection from other gods - not unless she interfered directly. And that kind of divine intervention was a rarity. You avoided his question and changed the subject, though you doubted he would be redirected so easily. The God of War was no fool.

“What do you really want? I’ve little time for games, my Lord.”

“I wish to see your technique for myself. Show me how that passion and diligence fares against a foe more than mortal,” he elaborated.

The blood in your veins ran cold upon his admission and your heart thudded so hard you wondered if it was audible from where he stood. Battling a god was firmly on the side of things you wished never to do. “If you think I’m dull enough that I would willingly engage the God of War, then you insult me, my Lord,” you said stiffly, trying to suppress your trepidation from worming into your voice and failing.

“What is it I hear beneath your bold tone? I trust one of my dear sister’s bold little priestesses, one of her champions, even, is not afraid of all things?” Ares taunted smoothly. From the way his self-assured smile twitched upward, barely, you knew he was enjoying your reaction.

“Fear and caution are not the same thing,” you denied fiercely.

“True enough, but it is not caution what gives you pause. If it puts you at ease, little owl, I will not take your life.”

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you scrutinized him intensely, finding no sign of whether he was lying or being genuine. All you found in those bloody eyes and stony face was cold calculation and an insatiable lust for violence. “Why should I believe you?” you asked, face twisting suspiciously.

“Because, beloved by my sister or not, if I so desired to kill you, I would have done so the instant you denied my invitation and spoke to me so disrespectfully.” He talked of ending you so casually it made you shudder, and you cursed yourself for it immediately.

It seemed you had little choice but to indulge Ares in whatever game he had in mind. “And if I agree - what is the benefit to me?” Ares had promised he wouldn’t kill you, but you saw no other purpose to fight him. You still weren’t sure he wouldn’t just kill you, despite his promise.

“Is serving one of the gods not benefit enough for you? What a greedy little owl my sister has found.” Again, Ares taunted you. You wondered if he was trying to make you angry enough to divest your caution and sabotage your battle prowess.

“That’s not an answer,” you spat back. God or not, you were tiring of whatever he was doing.

Fortunately, Ares cut to the chase. “Very well, best me and you shall have whatever boon of me you wish.”

“And if I lose?”

“Then, I shall take from you what I decide most fitting.:

“But not my life,” you added, still skeptical.

“You have my word,” Ares insisted. “Besides, would it not be such a waste to douse a promising ember when it could kindled and made to burn all around it?” he added in afterthought and once again the implications of his words unsettled you. “Now, I trust we are done with these tedious negotiations, hm?” he prompted.

Steeling yourself and willing away the stiffness and fear bubbling in your chest, you nodded. Ares had decided what the outcome of the discussion would be before he first spoke. There was nothing more to be said - at least not with words. Eyes trained on the intimidating figure of the God of War, you retrieved the shield and blade slung over your shoulders. You brandished them both, falling into the stance you were trained to use.

Across from you - hardly half a dozen feet off - Ares drew a weapon of his own. The sight of the curved blade incited your fear once more. The black blade was a ghastly thing, wickedly sharp and emanating a thick, billowing red haze the color of viscera. It was unmistakably a weapon befitting a god, and it made something deep inside you want to turn tail and run. But you knew running would be fruitless - all it would earn you was a head-sized loss of weight between your shoulders.

 At once, the both of you moved slowly, following a wide circle, two shadowy beasts in the fading dusk searching for weaknesses and flaws. All of your training and wisdom told you to wait, let Ares come to you and make the first move. But you weren’t sure your reactive way of fighting would hold up against someone of his calibre. As Ares had implied, he was no mortal, and you could only imagine the horrible strength and skill behind his blade.

Ares shattered the heavy stillness abruptly, darting forward and making a low arcing swing up toward you. There was no hesitation behind the blow and you had the feeling if you hadn’t stopped it with your blade, his falcata would have carved a clean line into your torso. Ares may have promised not to kill you, but he wasn’t above grievously injuring you. He gave you little time to think on his intentions, however, another strike quickly following when you knocked his sword aside.

You caught that swing as well, on your shield this time, and your arm stung from the force that rang through it. Blow after blow rained down on you, forcing you on the defensive almost constantly, and even then, many near misses made you tense and wide-eyed. Eventually, you found some rhythm to his assault, and Ares even paused, granting you a scant few seconds to breathe and think. Still, you needed to analyze what you learned quickly - your enduring method of fighting wouldn’t suit well against his relentless onslaught. You had fought aggressive attackers in the past, but their strength and ferocity paled compared to Ares.

Eyes flashing to and fro, following the tuck and arc of his weapon, at the same time searching for openings, you readied to strike. You would need to be swift, perfect in your timing, and hold back nothing if you wanted any hope of breaching his flurry of blows. You took your chance when his fuming blade glanced off your shield at just the right angle to slide away, instead of adding more to the numbness in your shield arm. Dipping down, you swept your own blade under his arm and up. The metal scraped past one of his pauldrons and up, and your eyes shot wider when the tip of the blade reached out towards Ares’ face.

A swift kick pushed you back, leaving you winded, and you looked back up quickly. Ares was standing in place, a small distance away, but close enough to observe small details. His blade upheld in one hand, smoking menacingly, he lifted his free hand to his cheek, brushing away the slick of blood oozing from a diagonal cut across his cheek.Your heart fell at the sight of how little damage you had done. After all that time, you had given him what was barely more than what a mortal mine might suffer from a shaving accident. It was an ill omen when you were so used to your blade striking true and dispatching opponents in only a few strokes.

“Oh, what a splendid surprise.” Your blood may as well have turned to ice. Not at Ares’ words, but his tone.

Beneath the refined and formal speech, something almost excited could be heard. You had the sudden dreadful feeling that indulging the God of War’s little game had been a terrible mistake - even if  there was no other choice. Excitement was a chilling thing to hear from a being who adored violence and death. You had expected anger, perhaps, or bitterness that a mortal had drawn blood against him. Perhaps it shouldn’t have been a shock he liked to bleed as much as he liked to bleed others.

“Perhaps I underestimated you, little owl. Such skill seems wasted protecting others, do you not think so?” Ares asked, the hint of excitement vanished.

An indignation bubbled up beneath your dread, understanding Ares had meant your talents better suited to bloody slaughter and resenting that notion. You bristled, snapping back at him. “If I agreed, I would have served from the start, wouldn’t I?”

Ares ignored your response, as if he hadn’t heard. “I have seen more than enough, little owl. Our duel shall come to an end now,” he declared confidently. Again resentment and terror warred with one another within you.

When Ares bolted forward again, you barely thrust out your sword in time and turned his strike aside. The eerie cloud emanating from the blade seemed to have increased, tendrils of it whipping about, framing Ares ominously and obscuring your vision here and there.  He didn’t stop at a single blow, striking out again and again as before, but with much more strength behind the attacks. The thought that your weapon and shield or arms might shatter from the force if things kept up flitted through your mind, distracting you for the barest moment.

Ares’ blade flashed forward, and your shield was thrust away, spinning through the air before crashing down and clattering to the ground. In a lightning quick motion, before you could bring your blade in to force his falcata away, the edge was leveled to your throat. You fell deathly still, the icy blade faintly touching your skin. One false move or a twitch of Ares’ wrist and all would be done.

The war god moved closer, grabbing your sword hand cruelly and twisting your blade from your fist. The hand that had disarmed you snapped to your head, grabbing a fistful of hair at the root and making you hiss. He drew your head back and the painful pinch of his blade scarcely cutting your skin made your pulse quicken. A warm trickle crept down your skin. Held between Ares’ hand and his blade, you dared not even breathe too deeply, so close were you to both.

Burning crimson watched you keenly, blazing with triumph and thet still unquenchable lust for blood. The blood you seeping from the shallow cut on your throat encouraged that bloodlust to greater heights rather than sate it. The thought made the space between you and the god feel heavy, airless.

“You fought magnificently, little owl. A far greater challenge even than I had foreseen,” Ares praised, not bothering to draw his weapon back. The tension hanging in the air, in fact, seemed thoroughly amusing to him, alluring even. You gathered all the resolve you possessed, fighting to glare defiantly at him. There was no room to show weakness. “How lovely that look suits you. Fearful, yet masked in defiance, even in the very face of death,” he drawled. You wondered if the god enjoyed his own voice as much as he enjoyed bloodshedl. “Do you believe me a liar?” Ares asked coolly after a moment of unsettling silence.

“I-” you opened your mouth intending to disagree, to ensure him you believed him - even if you didn’t trust him in the slightest -, but something stopped you. “Yes.” As the word escaped, you cursed yourself.

To your surprise, Ares’ proud smile grew. “Such an unwise thing to say,” he mused, “Are you trying to provoke me, now, little owl?” he asked nonchalantly, applying the scantest amount more pressure to his haze billowing blade. You winced, but quickly corrected your expression until your focus was on Ares once more. “No matter, our duel is over. Now comes time to take what I deem ample compensation for my victory.” At last, Ares drew back and took his falcata with him, and you could breathe again.

The start of a cold sweat broke out on your skin, and you felt clammy, except for the hot, sticky trickle drying on your neck. You swallowed thickly, willing your tongue to obey you, and spoke again after a moment of recovery. “So, what do you want? Out with it.” you pressed, perhaps too demandingly for one whom had been in your previous position. Yet with the blade no longer threatening to carve your throat open, you couldn’t help the annoyance and unease that crept into you.

“Tread carefully, little owl. I spared you before,” Ares reminded you casually, though the sharp warning edge suffused his words. He would take your insolence only so far. “Continue to disrespect me and I shall take your words as invitation to grant you a most painful end.” He paused, slipping his dark blade back where it belonged, before turning to you. “As the spoils of my victory, this ought to suffice.”

In an instant, so quick you had no time to wonder what had come over him, Ares was upon you again. His hand, having previously disengaged when he took his weapon away, returned, entangling itself in your hair again and forcing you to remain still. Before you knew it, Ares stepped uncomfortably close, bowing his head and slashing his lips across yours in a kiss that was neither delicate nor considerate. It was a kiss fueled by strength, full of teeth and heat that left you in a stupor.

Ares didn’t bother with the tedious task of coaxing your lips open with his tongue, choosing to bite down viciously, and blood oozed out to meet him. It slicked his teeth and tongue and your mouth fell open in a gasp of pain, and Ares thrust his tongue into your mouth.  It swept along your teeth for a moment, before wrapping around your own and fighting it into submission. A heady metallic taste washed over you as you futilely tried to win the war of flesh. Blood. Your blood. Mixed with the coppery flavor was something more subtle, spicy and earthy at once.

When Ares relented and pulled away, you strove for breath, the taste of him and your blood lingering in your mouth. But he had only begun, giving you little time to recover. You had long enough to question why you had kissed him back - or had you been trying to fight him off? - before he jerked your head back and inclined his faced further. His lips, hot and the barest bit sticky, met the curve of your throat. He swept down your skin, leaving angry bite marks and blotches in his wake, until he was nestled against the juncture of your neck and shoulder, unprotected by armor and bared by your tunic.

He bit down again. Harder than before, and his teeth sank into you, another rush of blood welling up.You couldn’t control the pained cry that burst from your lips. You were used to injuries from training or battle, yet hardly in such sensitive places, and almost never from someone’s teeth. It burned when Ares lapped greedily at the wound and you hissed. His free hand had curled behind you at some time you hadn’t noticed, pressing you forward, the unyielding planes of his chest plate and pauldrons digging into you uncomfortable.

A new sensation was blossoming beneath the pain, one that should have been utterly foreign and unthinkable, given the brutality Ares was treating you with. Maybe it was the burning, hungry expression in Ares' eyes as he looked up from your skin, lips tinged red. Or maybe it was the crushing embrace he held you trapped in. Or maybe the way he held you utterly compliant and vulnerable in his grasp. Or maybe it was all of those things combined that made heat fill you from your core and pool between your legs. A dangerous, confused lust was rising - one it would have been wiser to reject.

“Such splendid sounds, little owl,” Ares said, his voice lower, a wild delight tinging it. “I desire to hear more. Do not disappoint me.”

With a rough push, your feet left the ground, and you tumbled backward away from Ares’ grip, too startled and dazed from the confounding feeling brewing in your belly and the painful throbbing in your lip and shoulder to catch yourself in time. You grimaced when you met the ground, making to prop yourself up. But Ares followed you, shoving you down completely and pinning you there. Again, his armor prodded uncomfortably at you. Past the pleated leather folds attached to the armor torso, something still distinctly hard, but much warmer prodded at you as well.

When large hands groped at your tunic -  somehow both callous and perfect - some degree of sense insisted you stop him. But others argued with it. They insisted there was no point, this was the spoils Ares chose to claim. You wouldn’t be able to stop him if you tried. One devilish voice even craved more. Your internal debate crashed to a halt when Ares jerked your tunic down, the faint sound of fabric ripping lost to you. His lips fell upon your skin again where the fabric fell away, biting and sucking like he was trying to devour you. Many of them stung, not all as harsh as the bite to your shoulder, but several more drawing blood or leaving the areas soon to bruise, painting your skin in garish colors.

More pained sounds left your lips, gasps and whimpers and groans, though mixing more steadily into them were noises that belied some twisted pleasure. A hiss that became a moan. A gasp that turned into something breathy and thick. Something was stirring more and more hotly within you, transforming pain into a muted pleasure and adding fuel to the embers smoldering between your legs and in your belly.

Ares’ hands were as greedy as his lips, groping and kneading unmarred skin, roughly grabbing at your chest, pinching your nipples and making you cry out pitifully. Before long, he had covered your torso, shoulders, and neck in darkening bruises and blood, teeth marks and scrapes. Pulling away until he was looming over you like an ominous shadow, you could still make out the satisfied look languidly spread across his lips. His eyes seemed even more fiery, near crazed, as if he were high on your blood and pain.

“Such a careful, focused beast in the heat of battle. Now look at you, little owl, stained and trembling,” he purred, and his tongue trailed over his lips, cleaning the crimson staining them. “How beautiful a sight. The color suits you well.” He grabbed at your tunic some more, gathering the bottom around your waist, meeting the neckline he had pushed down. “As fragile and easy to see through as glass. Ought I shatter you like it, then?” Ares asked, greedily taking in the even larger expanse of flesh revealed to him. You wondered if he meant to litter the rest of you in similar marks.

Your lips parted, and you didn’t speak for a second, waiting for the mental gears to  turn. Your only choice was the illusion of it, so you may as well as pretend your answer meant something. “Break me as you please, Lord Ares,” you told him, surprised to hear how your voice sounded. Strain and breathy, and the realization strengthened the heat and wetness at your center you couldn’t deny, likely plain to Ares’ eyes with your tunic no longer guarding it.

“How bold a choice of words, little owl.” Ares sounded pleased, possibly having expected you to retort defiantly, or have no words at all. Yet you had indulged his words instead. He trailed a thick finger gingerly over your throat, tracing over your racing pulse. “It would thrill me so to watch the life bleed from you.” You believed him completely. There was no denying in different circumstances Ares would revel in your death. “Alas, I shall have to make do sheathing a different blade within your supple flesh.”

A hint of excited impatience shone through as Ares sat back on his knees, leaving you to lie waiting in the dirt for what he would do next. With an iron grip, he grabbed your thighs, lifting them both off the ground and splaying them over his pauldrons, on either side of the crossed blades on his back. The cold touch of his armor on your overheated, abused skin made you shudder, and you watched as he lifted the lappets of the armor.  

Your eyes lingered on what had thrust against you from behind layers of leather before, and you swallowed nervously. Ares was endowed impressively and in the embrace of a gentle lover that might promise a minor discomfort, but pleasure overall. Ares had shown no intention to treat you gently though - the ache and throb from the aftermath of his attention reinforced that - and you were under no illusion he was going to change that.

The new hesitation must have shown in your expression, a dangerous thrill creeping onto Ares’ own face as he brought the head of his cock to your folds. You thanked the stars that his brutal attentions had somehow elicited a perverse hunger from you, soaking your core. Though you imagined he would have fucked you raw whether or not you were wet. In fact, he might have enjoyed it more that way. Fortunately, his dick slipped slickly between your lips, gathering some of your wetness and pushing against your slit.

Ares didn’t take his time entering you, nor savor the moment, bucking his hips forward and splitting your cunt wide. You arched your back stiffly and hissed, both at the awful burn from the way his cock stretched you and the surprising satisfaction from the overwhelming fullness. You drew deep breaths, trying to adjust to the thick intrusion, fighting the pathetic whines that threatened to spill out.

Ares didn’t give you time to adjust to his size, rutting harshly against you, calloused hands digging roughly into your thighs. He leaned forward, bending you nearly in half, far enough a tendril of his silvery white hair brushed against your stomach, making your skin jump. The stretch ached to be sure - it would have even if Ares had been more thoughtful - but caught up in whatever perverse mood electrified the moment, there was pleasure bleeding into the pain.

Pleasure from the way he filled you so completely, creating a delicious friction that made your gut heat and tense. Pleasure from the rough slant of his hips against yours and his balls slapping your ass. Pleasure from the renewed vigor and sting of his lips and teeth attacking your neglected skin once more. It was agonizing and mindnumbing and enjoyable in a way you couldn’t have had any hope of explaining, at least not in a right sense of mind.

Each hard rock of his hips and searing puff of breath against your skin wore away at what little pride you retained, if you could claim to have any scrap left, looking such a mess. You might regret the memory later, but in the heat of the moment, there was no time for regrets or second thoughts. There was only room to try and enjoy what Ares had claimed as his reward.

As your dignity shattered and disintegrated like dust, the heat of your body and between your thighs grew, until you cried out into the air, the pleasure finally rising high enough to meet the pain and break loose from your throat between whines and winces. One loud cry that twisted and broke from another especially vicious bite must have gotten to Ares, eliciting an answering sound that was deep and primal.

Continuing to pound into your cunt, Ares looked up from his savagery of your skin, eyes glittering with amsement and lust of multiple kinds. His hot breath rolled over your bruised chest and his silky words rumbled over you. “You ought to thank me for my mercy,” he growled, and amidst the pain and pleasure you laughed to yourself. Mercy for a war god amounted simply to not killing you it seemed, even if the alternative was marking your body viciously and claiming it for himself. “Go on, then, little owl,” he compelled you, puncutating his words with a harder buck of his hips that left made you shout.

You opened your mouth, at first only pants and huffs and whimpers broke away. You gathered the words on your tongue he demanded of you. “Th-thank...aah...thank you, Lord Ares!” you cried out, surprisingly yourself. “Thank you f-for sparing me.”

He seemed satisfied with you pitiful answer, shaky and broken as it was, though he remained close to your skin. His pace grew stronger, faster, and he drew his tongue over some of the more bloody marks he’d left behind, coating his tongue again in your essence. His eyes swept hotly over his handiwork, bordering on frenzied. “Is it not such a wondrous feeling, to break bleed so, little owl?”

The smooth, husky tone of his voice, though it spoke such sick words - words you would have rejected in another setting - drove your own fervor higher, the molten spring of tension in your abdomen coming to the edge of its breaking point. You responded without hesitation, mind bent only on the promised releasen. “Yes, yes, my Lord!”

No more words fell between the two of you then, only the primal symphony of moans, grunts, groans, and gasps, enough to be heard by any soul unfortunate enough to be passing nearby. You hadn’t thought Ares’ thrusts could become any crueler, but as he chased and neared his own release, they did, until each thrust stung, hurting almost more than they pleased. His hands still clenched around your thighs and you could only imagine the intensity of the bruises that would be left behind - perhaps even worse than the many peppering your neck and chest and torso.

Despite the pain, your cunt squeezed around him, fluttering erratically as you danced on that edge so, so close. Until at last, it burst. But not before Ares finished with a sound so dark and heavy and alluring it could be called inhuman. Your walls embraced him even tighter as his cum filled you to overflowing, hot and wet, and you screamed and cried into the darkness of evening that had taken over.

When all was still at last, youtruly began to feel the extent of the damage Ares had done. He didn’t remain atop you much longer, not seeming to need to catch his breath, and when he pulled out of you, you shuddered, feeling sore and empty. Already tired before Ares had sought you out, and even more so after your combat, you were completely and utterly exhausted. Lying there, each pound of your heart making the bites and bruises pound along with it, you wondered if passing out in the dirt was a viable option.

Ares didn’t concern himself with your thoughts, however, or whatever it was you intended to do now that he was finished with you - for now at least. He just looked down at you, tucking himself back beneath the lappets of his armor and looking no worse for the wear. “Farewell, little owl. Do take care. And consider what I have said,” he began. “Your talents ought be used for something far more satisfying.”

You didn’t answer, letting your eyelids slide closed for a minute. When you opened them again, you were alone and the air was still and silent. You begrudgingly sat up, preparing to tackle the ordeal of standing and making the rest of your way home and to your bed. You wondered how you were going to explain your state to your fellows the following day.

[brujoenlafrontera]

hi!!! I’m a puertorriqueño/nicaragüense enby looking into resources for learning bruja stuff, any good place you know to start?

I’ve gotten a couple of asks about this lately, and i’m so happy to know there are more latinos finding their way to the practice, tumblr’s brujeria tag often gives the impression that theres so little of us out there reclaiming our practices but getting asks like these brings me a lot of faith that thats not true :) first and foremost:

GETTING INTO BRUJERIA IS HARD.

it really is. baby brujos like us know that better than anyone- getting started, is often the hardest part of doing anything, and its no different with brujeria. it can feel so overwhelming and feeling lost is natural. from my experience, although i am still a newbie ive been able to find a lot of information out there, here are the best places to find info, sorted by priority:

FAMILY! a little self explanatory, but brujeria at its best is truly is an inherited, familial practice. If you can, before delving into internet resources, definitely connect w your family if you’re able to and ask them for guidance and about their experiences!

Your family is always the best resource over anything you can find online; theres so much misinformation out there or information not relevant to your region and if someone in your family already has established practices, always trust them first

 Do some thinking back to all your cultural traditions, quirks, stories, and superstitions that you’ve  learned from your family across time and never thought too much about- and rediscover them under a new light

KEEP IN MIND: brujeria is NOT a singular , concrete practice w concrete rules in itself, the term blankets a lot of traditions across latam, the caribbean, mexico, but imo its always best to stick with brujeria related to your heritage and where your connection is.

this can be hard for people (like me!) with huge family taboos toward brujeria that make it unsafe to ask around about, and/or limitations in family connections (also like me unfortunately). I personally can really only get the tidbits and stories that my family accidentally slips out when I occasionally see them. i try to write them down as much as possible, but the info i can get is limited... and thats where the following comes in.

ONLINE COMMUNITIES. i.e, youtube, tumblr, instagram brujx communities. notice I haven’t said “internet” in general- the reason why i trust community based social media more than random individual websites you find on google is because, in the case of brujeria and honestly any non-european craft, you’re often gonna find a LOT of white people writing blogs, books, etc about their “spiritual experiences” in latam countries and wrongly/incorrectly taking ATR or indigenous traditions (like with smudging). I know, with social media, although those same white people are also on insta and tumblr, it’s a LOT easier to see the face behind the accounts and differentiate who to trust, who’s legit and has real experience to share, rather than a nameless, faceless, website that is actually some colonizer sharing colonized ideas who thinks theyre on a spiritual journey taking traditions all willy nilly. And the fact that in social media, its much easier to find a lot of good brujas at once bc they tend to follow each other lmao.what ive personally done to find information tho is essentially SCOUR tumblrs, insta accs, and watching tons of youtube videos for posts, accounts, videos, etc, and narrowing down good info from there through , namely:

CHECKING WHO YOUR SOURCE IS!!!

ASKING YOURSELF FROM WHAT EXPERIENCE THEYRE SPEAKING FROM

ALWAYS TAKING EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT

AND STICKING TO INFO FROM CULTURES OPEN AND RELEVANT TO ME.

again, brujería is different depending on where your family is from in latam, and if you have an established connection to indigenous and/or black roots, so it’s useful to use keywords relating to that when searching (like if ur black, you can look into ATRs(african traditional religions) which tend to mix deeply with brujeria, if ur indigenous, finding other people from your tribe is great, and if youre not pursuing your already learned traditions you can think about connecting to them more deeply(altho indigenous traditions are their own thing, sometimes they do mix with brujeria too), and apart from familial roots, if ur catholic/christian and/or want to explore it, saint work/catholic brujeria might be a good fit for you!)  

tumblr: there are a couple of fantastic brujxs on this site with great blogs and resources who have sadly left the site, but i still go through their posts heavily for spells, rituals, scraps of info! etting started w brujería is hard bc there’s really not that much info out there right now, but i compile as many good brujeria posts i find on my acc.

@brujeria-n-bongs great for catholic brujeria, now at @Upliftherbs on instagram

@brujeria-lost @barberwitch @reina-morada @highbrujita

@naomi121406 is by far the most active and informative tumblr resource ive found, shes an afro-indigenous diaguita curandera from argentina so shes also really helpful if ATRs are in your path!

Im not black myself and dont follow ATRs so i don’t really know many good blogs for afrolatine brujxs out there but if anyone would like to tag some in the replies thatd be awesome!

instagram: Ive found that instagram #brujeria tags has a pretty healthy active stream of posts. You’re gonna have to sift through a lot of them to get to the good stuff though- imo a lot of hispanics use the brujería tag not to mean “latine brujería” but just the spanish word for witchcraft, so a lot of white hispanics will put wicca/neo witchcraft in the tag. imo that’s really not something i’m personally interested in bc it’s not true to brujeria’s traditional nature, is very white/eruropean , and that wicca shit basically just got here. its a relatively a recent thing😭 so i try to stick to bruja accounts that aren’t influenced by that.

youtube: The youtube brujería tag is hit or miss? and again, contains a lot of wicca. But there are some good practitioners on there like The Mexican Witch! You just gonna look around, and dont be afraid to click on videos by really really small youtubers; they often are the ones with the most informative and legit things to say!

Everyone’s path as a bruja/o/x (sjdf trying to be inclusive w gendered language is difficult) is different but here are some topics i think are great to look into as a beginner!

ancestors: start at the bottom and figure out who they are, where theyre from, and set up an altar. it’ll help you a lot with figuring out your identity and path as a bruja later on.

setting up a grimoire

divination: tarot is actually what got me into brujeria at first! tarot isnt strictly traditional and is european in itself but its a wonderful tool for connecting to dieties, saints, etc as well as super fun and helps a lot with introspection

ritual abrecaminos, aka road opening spells!

amarres (love spells... proceed with caution)

limpias, mal de ojo

saint work: even if you’re not catholic (im ex catholic), a growing number of us (especially lgbt latines like @/upliftherbs on instagram) are starting to take back and decolonize our view of saints like La Virgen Maria and removing her from the rigid european/colonized interpretation thats been forced into us

candle spells in general (i fucking love candles tbh, cheap, easy, fun, and WORKS)

spiritual colognes, how to cleanse

finally, here are some helpful posts yall should definitely read and think about moving forward!

about using tumblr as a resource

about looking into brujeria as a part-white part latine

bruja psa + about reclaiming lost indiginety

honestly naomi’s entire brujeria tag is great and super informative for beginners and basically holds answers for almost anything at this point

hope this post helps yall out!

EDIT: oh lord now that this is posted the outline format i tried to use is all kinds of fucked up please dont mind the odd numbering lmfao tumbr hates organized formats

[sentient-stove]

Mane of Fire, Eyes of Amber, Sword of Alabaster: Fallen Beings AU.

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Janus, Virgil, Patton, Remy, Remus, Roman, Logan

Relationships: Janus/Virgil

Additional tags: U!Deceit, Winged Fic, Winged Virgil, Gods and Goddesses Au.

Summary: Roman POV, after the first crash of Virgil’s

Word Count: 1436

Notes: UHHHH, So back in August, @what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me​ made the most beautiful fanart of a winged Virgil and I wrote a fanfic for it.  And now there’s a sequel because I wanted to be angsty.

Roman gently runs a hand through Paranoia’s healing feathers, slowly spreading the salve.  The Dark one has said little in the weeks that he has been here and eventually Patton and Logan had left Roman to care for their guest.

It’s clear that Paranoia doesn’t belong here, after all he represents fear, while the Light ones represent Love, Knowledge and Hope.

That doesn’t stop Roman though.  

Paranoia lets out a quiet hiss of pain as Roman’s fingers hit an open sore where a fulgurite feather is pushing through.

“I’m sorry.”  He murmurs and the other shrugs.

“It’s fine.”

It doesn’t seem that way to Roman.  He wants to scoop up the god and hold him close, promising love and protection.  He notices the way that Paranoia tenses when the other Dark ones are brought up and for the first time in Roman’s long existence…

He fears.

He fears of what will happen when Paranoia is strong enough to fly again.  He fears that the god made of glass and wings will run, run like how he does when he dances across the lightning, never seeming content.

Roman finishes rubbing the healing salve in the wings and he stands to leave.

“Roman?”  Paranoia’s voice is small, but he still turns to the other.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

…

Roman swings his sword above his head, the blade flashing as he brings it down, Logan barely countering the attack with his daisho blades.

The pair spar often, whether it be with words or weapons and Roman finds it exhilarating when he wins, which happens most of the time, unless Logan is lucky.  Today is one of those days and Logan locks his blades together, catching Roman off guard and his sword goes skittering away.

“I win.”  Logan says evenly.  Roman nods.

“Fair.”

“We need to discuss the Dark one.”  

Roman holds back a sigh.  “Lo, let him heal, his wings won’t be ready for another season at least.”

“Yes, so you should tell your brother that Virgil will not be returning.  It’d be a mess if another fell down here.”  Logan sheaths his weapons and picks up Roman’s sword.  “I advise caution among them.”

Roman looks up at the sky.   “I can’t promise that.”

“You have to, otherwise I will go.”  Logan passes Roman his sword.  “And you remember what happened last time I went.”

…

Roman wants to scream.  He wants to let his god of a voice rip out of him and claw at his fears.  He wants to take the Dark ones and fight them, for he is the god of Love and Passion and what his opposites have done is horrifying.

It’d be futile though, for he cannot exist without them and vice versa.

…

Virgil can feel that his wings are healed.  It’s been months since the initial accident that sent him falling to the Light ones, but now he stands in the grass, letting the warm sun heat up the feathers.

Roman is somewhere nearby, he can tell.  The amber eyed god seems reluctant to let him leave, but Virgil can feel the tugging in his being, that pulls him back to a place he has no desire to return to.  If it were up to him, he’d stay here, with the gods that nursed him back to health.

Virgil turns to see that Roman is standing a few feet away, a mournful look on his face.

“You are leaving?”

Virgil stretches his wings open, the smallest amount of wind catching them and starting to lift his feet from the ground.  “It’s the way things are.”

“Did you see this place as a home?” Virgil wants to yell a yes, he wants so badly to admit it, that he fell for this place.  He wants to admit that these few seasons have been the best of his long life.   Virgil instead turns his head away, refusing to make eye contact with Roman.

“Farewell Passion.”  Virgil will deny that his voice cracks on the last word.

“Paranoia… come back to me if you can?”

Virgil doesn’t respond.  He can’t, not without crying, not without admitting anything.

…

It storms after.

It’s terrible and glorious all at once and Roman stands in the rain, staring desperately at the lightning and the clouds that are boiling with grief, waiting for a god to dance across the lightning.

Virgil does not come.

The rain falls.

And Roman weeps.

…

Deceit binds his wings shut the second Virgil arrives back to the palace in the sky.

The silk cord is woven of half truths and the lying god wraps countless hands around his godling, cooing softly as he brushes away Virgil’s tears.

“Little Stormcloud, did the fiery one break your glass heart?”   He purrs almost as he pulls Paranoia closer.

Virgil lets himself sink into the lies and he nods into Deceit’s embrace.

And from the shadows, Remus watches the exchange.

…

Roman isn’t expecting a guest.  Yet here his brother is, sitting at the table, and awkward Patton near and a disgruntled Logan glaring at the back of Remus’ head.

“Hello Ro Bro.”

Roman sits across from him.  “Why are you here.”

“You need to steal the Lightning back.”  Remus grins and places his hands on the table.  “It’s clear to everyone but him that he’s no longer a Dark one.”

Roman leans forward.  “How would you know of whom belongs where?”

“Virgil never belonged with us.  He only stays because his heart is easily broken and his wings are bound.  Besides, I thought that the shattering of his feathers the first time was a pretty obvious hint as to where he belongs.”

“The first time was an accident.”

“You really think that the God of Fear would be so easily cut down by a lightning bolt?  Brother dearest, Virgil wanted to die.”

Roman’s heart stops and he takes a sharp breath in.  “Remus, I cannot control his choices.”

Remus shrugs.  “Your loss.  I’ll be tossing him out next storm if you chose not to do anything.”

His brother snaps as Logan lunges for him, disappearing in a puff of foul smelling smoke.

“I hate him.”  Logan mutters.  Roman stands and looks at his companions.

“Do you think he’s right?  Can a Dark one become Light?” Patton and Logan look at each other.   Finally, Patton speaks.  “I suppose it could happen.  We lived in harmony once with all the other Gods once, before we fell to solely six.”

“So we can?”

“He would have to agree.”

…

Virgil pushed Deceit away.  “Enough.”

“What is wrong?”

Virgil tries to reach for the cord that binds his wings, but it is tied in a way that makes it impossible for him to free himself.  “Let me go.”

“Your time with the others has corrupted you.”

“No.”  Virgil hissed as the other stalked closer.  “Please, I’m done.”

Deceit reached forward and gripped his arms.  “What happened to you Paranoia?”  

Paranoia’s eyes glazed over into darkness.  “ I̴̛̜̫̤͍͖̩͈̓̃̂̃͊̿̐̆̕͠͝͠͝ ̸̼̰̞̟̭̺̒̅̐̍̓̓͘g̷̨̪̮̭̱̺̝̫̲̠̮̳̞̗͐̒̌̀͌̆̃͋̊̔͗͘r̶̝̫͇̰̼̻̣͇̪̂̒̔͑e̴̪͖̫̙͇̟͇͛̂̍̈̉͗̾͋͋̄̊̂̎͂w̷͇͙̥̥͒̏͗̂͘͝ͅ ̵̛̲͈̤̳͍͔̗̳̔͆͠ͅȗ̴̯̭̝̫̻́p̵̳̓̄̏ ”

Deceit stumbled back and the godling turned his gaze down as he flung his wings open, sharp fulgurite feathers cutting through the bindings.

“I̴̡͉̟͉̠̤͎̤̓̈́͆͜͜ ̸̡̩̼̮̟͙͔̮͎̗̈́̂͂̀͘L̷̛̼̥̝̤̮̜̫̺̺͚̏̽̀̑́͛̚͝ͅE̵̦̓̇͆̉̚͘Ą̷̡̼̞̖͍̜̹̦̯̝̋̇͗̕V̷̡̛̗̖̺͓̜̠͔̝̼̥̗̳̪̔͛̊̔̾̉̒͌̈́̔͋̐͠È̵̼̐̃̓̈́̌̃̕͘͘͝”

And with that, Paranoia stormed past the God of Lies, lighting crackling across his wings and skin as he finally, finally left.

…

Roman was about to go and storm the sky when the sound of something landing on the roof of the cottage that the Light ones lived in alerted him that something was up.

He ran out with his sword, only to see Virgil standing there, eyes completely black, skin and feathers cracking with lighting and anger.

If Roman thought that he’d truly felt fear before, he was wrong.  The previous fear paled in comparison to a fully realized god full of rage.

Paranoia was terribly beautiful, looking like the god he was for the first time and with a single glance, Roman felt like ice was crawling through his veins as he dropped his sword.

“H̶̢͙̣̭̹̥̳̬̤̬͎̜̫͖͗͜ê̷̡̡̞͍̥̠̠̟̹̣̰̜̦̿̈́̎̊l̴͓̦̘͛̎̈́̓l̸̪̑̌͋̆̃ȏ̵̧̦̻̟̺͓̑̍͊̈̌͐͗̿.̶͚̰͓̗̬̟̥̱͔̉̇͐́͆̉̅̕̕”  Paranoia jumped down to Roman’s height, wings folding shut and the                storm around him soothing.

“Ro..”  In almost an instant, Paranoia was gone and Virgil was back, violet eyes rolling back into his head as he collapsed forward, Roman instinctively catching him.

“Darling…”  Roman gently scooped him into a bridal carry, Virgil relaxing against him in his unconscious state.  He carried the God back inside as the rain began to fall, and from far away, Remus grins at the folly of Deceit.

…

Roman was made of Fire and Passion, and he wielded a sword made of sharp stone and metal.  All of it reminding him of those he swore to protect.

His home.

[chronicallyapain]

Day 9: 6/25

Breakdown: I went a little over, but for a cheat day I think I did alright. Not every day is perfect and thats okay. 

Breakfast: 560

1 Garden Lites Banana Chocolate Chip Muffin - 120

1 DF Chobani Strawberry Yogurt - 140

1 Vanilla Sheeps Milk Ice Milk Bar - 300 

Lunch: 476

Spicy Garlic Chicken - 270

1 cup white rice - 206

Dinner: 380

2 Eggs - 140

2 Chicken Apple Sausage pattys - 90

8oz Naked Mighty mango juice - 150

Beverages: 

3 cups black coffee

144 oz water 

Exercise: 11, 200 steps // 16 flights of stairs // 4.24 total miles

The name of the game today was Walk till you Drop! This is the first day I’ve hit my goal of 10,000 steps!!!  My mom and I spent the day out walking the farmers market and going to a few different stores to get some new clothes. I also did chores around the house all day so i could count my stair climbing sets. 

What weight I gained my mom lost, she says we even each other out but now we are tired of borrowing each others clothes because none of our own fit. I got a new swimsuit! and mom got 2 new swimsuits and some pants for work. 

Heres some pictures of the farmers market. We got lots of goodies!

At the Melano Nutrition stand we got a whole bunch of common-allergen free baked goods that are packed with vegetables!  

From Left to Right we got: 2 spinach and artichoke biscuits, 1 vanilla concha bread, 1 slice of hibiscus beetroot bunt cake, 2 snicker doodle cookies, 2 chocolate cherry scone loafs, and a sourdough bread. 

If you ever have the opportunity to buy from them please do because they are an amazing small business that bakes for the people who are seemingly uncookable for. No matter what your food allergy is they can accommodate for it with delicious results! 

From the cheese people I got a vanilla ice milk Popsicle and some riccotta all made from sheeps milk. TIP: if you are lactose intolerant goats milk and sheeps milk products contain a lot less lactose than cows milk so try some as an alternative to cream cheese and yogurt. (Caution: I am not a doctor, so talk to your doctor before trying this alternative, this does not work for everyone as everyone is different but I know it works for me)

ALSO I GOT TAGGED IN A THING by @jennibean-gets-lean​ so here is a post 3rd shower of the day selfie by yours truly: 

If anyone can tell me how to take a good selfie please let me know because I’ve missed the memo ;) I dont really know that many fitblrs to tag yet so im just gonna annoy my friend @n0t-today-jesus​ to post a selfie and show off your homemade haircut 

Just one more question for today y’all (you know what it is) : 

How did you better yourself by accomplishing something today? Or how will you better yourself by accomplishing something tomorrow? 

Let me know, I’m here to cheer for you!

F~G~S 

[bandsanitizer]

regarding my blog and 5sos: until the band makes a statement, i am erring to the side of caution, if not neutrality. with the number of allegations and mess surrounding them, i’m still processing it all and won’t be actively supporting/reblogging 5sos until they release a statement. when/if they do, i’ll reevaluate continuing to be a fan. frankly, with the way the allegations were handled by the fandom and others, depending on how 5sos moves forward... i don’t know if i can continue being a fan of the band. this extends past, but is greatly catalysed by, recent events.

to my 5sos followers/mutals: at the moment, i won’t be posting/reblogging 5sos. i wish you all the best in processing everything and respect your individual feelings/thoughts/opinions on the situation. sending lots of love and support to you all. i wont be unfollowing anyone at the moment and don’t really see myself doing so in the future. however, i’m not sure if i’ll return to posting 5sos content so understandably, feel free to unfollow. no hard feelings. just do what’s best for you and take care of yourself and your mental health.

to my non-5sos followers/mutuals: i’m not comfortable explaining the current 5sos situation but a quick internet search can give you the gist of it. i won’t be active for a bit as i process everything. i don’t see myself deleting my blog, but tumblr has been a huge part of my time being a 5sos fan and the band has always been part of my blog. separating the two, in the instance i dont continue being a fan, will be a bit difficult and take some time. same as above, unfollow if you need to/want to. no hard feelings, just do what’s best for you or whatever you want.

if you read this thanks for reading! if you didn’t then that’s okay! just want to update and send support to my fellow 5sos fam members as the current situation progresses. (please let me know if i need to edit the tags/warnings)

[bxstiae]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

tagged by: i took it from @wildshero tagging: anybody who wants to i guess.... um... @lupihero / @hyaciiintho / @origcmibird / @dansiere / @drakslay / @fellcarnate / @gerudofury / @aerialarcher​ / there i added people. 

fill out & repost ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au ( dependent on verse ) / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. ( it honestly depends who you ask, and when in the story it is. )

How strictly do you follow canon?  — I follow enough canon to not change the plot, but its very VERY lore heavy. and it diverges post game as well. Not to mention there are some discrepancies with my Link as well. namely his eye colour. his personality is BIT more jaded than canon. but then again, he is a character that is ( in theory ) YOU. so its how YOU play the game. 

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  — i mean. idk im not really a sellout in general....?? he’s... extremely interesting in the fact that you have a tired man(tm) who’s just about done with the world at such a young age. he’s the hero of hyrule, and has done many feats. he has interesting stories to tell. and he’s not at all a boring person. he’s a bit quirky, has a fan-base, and overall, who WOULDN’T want to interact with link? i mean its LINK. after all... not to mention that he’s not really PREDICTABLE for the most part. I mean he is kind of but also not at all. I just??? i think a lot of people find him interesting? he’s also very attentive at times. you literally have to throw a rock and he will look your direction. 

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  — he is a selective mute. he WILL not talk. he will not approach you. you HAVE to approach him.... while he tends to be ‘OP’ he really isn’t. he’s still very much a human, and will react as such. its very hard to approach cause he has that ‘intimidating feel’ and lets not forget that he really does straight up ignore people if hey dont say anything to him. in that aspect it’s hard to interact with him. because its not like he ‘tunnel visions’ but he just wont pay attention to you if there is nothing to pay attention to. 

What inspired you to rp your muse?  — he’s been a muse for me since 2012. just always put on the backburner for a reason. but really? link was the ONE character that I could relate to. he was my go to guy. really. in high school, i struggled with friends and a lot of other things. but i pushed through. and honestly. link was ALWAYS a character that i turned to for that. it happened with Skyward Sword as well. when BOTW came out it was the same way. BOTW was my go to game in college because of link. so when i finally gt the wiiu version and started playing TP again, i was like. YEP im making him again. cause yes. the themes in TP are all themes that are right up my alley too. so of course i am going to find inspiration there. I ALSO found inspiration when i found some celtic music as well. I listen to msic when i write my replies. and when i was writing a reply on another blog. i found some celtic music and i just had THAT MOOD. 

What keeps your inspiration going? — the game. celtic music. honestly art. vines. anythign that reminds me of TP Link keeps me going. some of the interactions i have keep me going. the PLOTS i have keep me going.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO. 

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( lol yea. )

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. ( i mean i love to write drabbles tbh. I don’t think i have on link, but I would always LOVE to. though if you look at some of my asks, they can be considered drabbles. lololol i love to write. )

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO ( link is the ONE muse i never EVER lose confidence in. which is why he is such a strong character for me. link is me. straight up. and i think somebody asked me that too. he’s NOT a self insert but. i can relate SO much to him in so many ways. but i love the way i portray him cause he is very unique. i just hope that my confidence doesn’t SCARE duplicates and other people cause i would never want people to be intimidated by THIS fact that i am confident. )

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. ( lol yea. honestly i love to write. though my style always changed and sometimes i worry about that. cause sometimes i have prose and sometimes i dont. but im an adaptable writer which i always loved about myself. )

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. ( yea. both. i am both. im sensitive ooc but want to say shit about my portrayal. i don’t really care. say shit about me, and then i get upset and sad. )

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  — depends n the criticism. I say this all the time. theres constructive criticism. and then theres. just plain hate. I accept anything thats constructive. I want to know what i need to work on or what people would want to see. link is an ever-changing muse. i learn and grow and i will take anything thats told to me nicely without the hate.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  — PLEASE. jsut send them my way i LOVE all the questions and character development. you dont even have to be a mutual for that.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  — yes and no. i mean its my HC. you are allowed to disagree with my HC. hoenstly. thats the beauty of INTERPRETATIONS. i dont expect every TP link out there to agree with all of my HCs. so long as we can all be mature adults about it and talk normally with one another. we gucci. like we are allowed to have different HCs. and honestly. I would want to know because i would want to know what YOU think about the ‘canon.’ cause it’s different. i like those differences.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  — idk why they would? its link? its the protag. and in a way its supposed to be different for each person anyway??? its like taking Robin or Corrin from FE. like people are allwoed to disagree with the portrayal i GUESS? but i don’t understand why anybody would like stragiht up HATE the portrayal. its just different? idk. 

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  — see above tbh. but honestly. depends. do you hate him for the portrayal. or do you hate him cause of his character personality. like you’re allowed to interact with ‘bad’ characters. not that i think anybody would HATE link? but you know i could be wrong??? idk how to answer this cause what do you mean by hate? you can hate a character. but still interact with them??? idk how to compute this question???

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  — yes and no. honestly. i know i make mistakes. but i don’t want grammar nazi’s. i write to relax. the only time i would want people to tell me is if they were trying to figure out what i meant. does that make sense. like if they are confused on something. then its okay to tell me. otherwise if its something that is just a small mistake that you can ignore. then its no big deal. its also how you approach me too. like approach with caution. i am a delicate flower. so don’t attack me for making a mistake.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  i am VERY VERY easygoing!!! I want to say im VERY kind. i am very accepting and EXTREMELY FORGIVING. no joke. I want to be the kindest person out there. I dont want people to be intimidated by me. I don’t want people to be scared of hurt by me. hoenstly. I am a very nice person. I may have different opinions but i am VERY respectful to everybody even those i do not agree with. Nobody should ever feel weird about me like ever okay? please don’t. I never want bad blood. so if something ever happens between us. you are always ALWAYS more than welcome to come talk to me when emotions have fizzled out. I am very apologetic too. so like?? idk??? who would???? consider me??? and asshole??? im tired. and i shut my door fast but its mainly cause... i am tired. nothing else has to do with it. i am very excitable and happy for people who talk to me. i consider ANYBODY who talks to me a friend. im jsut??? no really. i know people are shy. but im over her a big tired ball of fluff. i only want love and happiness for people. anybody who’s talked to me can testify to this. ♥♥

that’s about it, congrats for filling out!

[seungyovn]

How and why did you come out?

i slept on this ask, debating if i wanted to answer it or not.

but i’ve had some coffee and time to process and i feel comfortable sharing it. so this is going to be v long and i am going to put it under a read more. 

but just a warning, there is a massive amount of homophobia and transphobia and just terribleness in general. so please take caution before reading.

alright, so i grew up in a typical white chicago suburb. people think illinois is a democratic state but that is literally just because of the city of chicago. if chicago didnt exist, the state would be read. not to mention the fact that my dad is very conservative politically and my mother was raised in the deep red neck south (her family claims the term and are very proud of their terrible colonist slave owner history. gross i know).

my dad never really made homophobic remarks, at least from what i remember. but it was my mother who would always make a snide comment here or there. and when i was a junior/senior in high school, i befriended a v feminine gay man who worked at the ulta in my hometown. and she would make these homophobic remarks and i would be like uhhhh what about anthony? and she would always go “well he is the exception” and ya know that didn’t make me feel great. 

but even before that, i realized when i was 15 that i was attracted to women. i remember standing in study hall and looking at my best friend smiling at me and my heart started to pound in my chest. and i knew immediately what that meant and i was just like oh fuck, no no no this can’t be happening. 

so i suppressed it. i ignored my growing feelings for women and people who didn’t identify as male or female for a very long time. yet online, i was seeking lgbtq communities and friends. i never posted in them. but i read them. i didn’t really understand why i kept being drawn to that side of the internet until very much later. 

so fast forward to when i was in college. i met my first long-term boyfriend and we dated from when i was 18 to 21. our relationship ended for a lot of reasons. but one of the biggest ones was when i realized that i could no longer hide who i was or who i was attracted to. and i was going to india to study abroad so i just wanted a clean break. i wanted to leave the country and to start over when i came back. 

that trip happened in nov/dec. but it took me until feb to start coming out. i remember sitting on the couch at my mom’s house the day after my birthday and writing up a long text message that i sent to three of my closest friends. i was fucking terrified. i was scared. i knew those people were amazing so i didnt have to worry that much, but it was still exhausting. it was one of the most hidden secrets i’ve ever had and i just remember lying to my mom about why i was crying when my friends sent me back messages of love. 

so after those three friends, i slowly started coming out to everyone around me. my friends at school. my classmates. people i trusted. they were all respectful and knew that i wasnt out to my mother and probably never would be. so they respected my privacy and never posted images of me on social media or tagged me in things that could out me. 

fast forward again to june. i was moving out of the dorms at my uni to my first apartment in chicago. i had been lucky enough to have a job that allowed me to afford rent and i was kind of financially stable, but not enough to actually survive. 

i had gone home to get furniture for my apartment and to get some things from my childhood home. my mom took me to dinner and we were sitting in the diner and she started hounding me with questions about my roommates. asking me if they were gay because they both had short hair. and then she looked at me and asked me if i was gay (she would do this when i didnt show interest in dating). 

and normally i was very quick to deny it. and i would always shoot her down. but this time i was just so fucking exhausted and i felt like i was backed into a corner. so for the first time i couldnt answer her right away. i stuttered. and i dont really remember what exactly i said, but my mother flipped out. she ordered our food to go. stormed out of the diner. and lost her shit on me in the car. 

i stayed the night because at this point i was literally trapped. and she kept going back and forth with apologizing and verbally abusing me. saying how i just want to fit in with my friends. and that i just want my friends to think i am cool and all this other bullshit. 

so i finally get back to my apartment and its ironically chicago pride weekend. so i spend the weekend going to dyke march, parties, going to the parade. surrounding myself with the love and support of my friends. i didnt know at the time but my mother had found my tumblr, my instagram and other forms of social media and had made profiles to stalk me and keep track of me. 

and when she saw i was going to pride she decided that she would out me to everyone. she sent mass emails. texts. facebook statuses. she did everything in her power to humiliate me. all at the same time sending me horrible text messages and e-mails about how she wishes her brain cysts had killed her. how she would rather have cancer than have me as her child. she wished that i got aids from the “orgies” i would be having (i had had one sexual partner at the time). she went after my friends who werent cis. calling them perverts and insane. and that they had all brainwashed me into being this way.

and i was a fucking mess. i cut off all communication. she cut me off financially. my life was in fucking pieces. 

but i had an amazing support system. i had friends that loved me. and helped me. took care of me when i could barely take care of myself. i got to work and couldnt stop fucking sobbing and my manager pulled me aside and asked me what was wrong and i told him. and he just hugged me in the back for like 10 minutes. and told me it was going to be okay. and sent me home to rest.

and if it wasnt for them, i know i wouldnt have survived it. i eventually cut off all contact with my mom and the last time i saw her in person was 2 years later when i went home for a night to get the rest of my stuff.

my dad and i have had a difficult relationship for a lot of reasons, but he and i have been slowly mending our relationship. and he has never said anything to my face about not approving of how i love. my step mom is openly supportive and her nephew is gay and loves him to pieces. so at least i have that to hold onto. 

but yeah, my coming out process wasnt fun. a lot of it was taken away from me. but i will spare some of those details. 

this is really long so if you read this whole thing, damn.

[sleepychai-fics]

Keith x Reader - A Lion’s Comfort

Not requested just something i thought up of and procrastinated on.

trigger warning: putting a small one on panic attacks nothing too severe it just talks about the procedure of a panic attack and what occurs.

i just dont want anyone to be triggered by anything i write so im trying to be careful with these.

no pronouns = gender neutral

Tag List:

@fanderrawr​ @thecinnabitch​ @dontcallmecedge​

Words: 1990

trigger warning starts straight away

Too much. It’s all too much. The voices, inside and outside, talking ceaselessly. The air begins to grow heavy, as if my lungs refuse to fill up completely. I feel my body begin to shake, most evidently my hands. I barely comprehend my movement as my feet start to shuffle back. It isn’t until I hit a door do I turn around, finally managing to sprint away from the room, the automatic door barely managing to open up in time to let me pass.

Black spots encase my vision, my breaths getting shorter and shorter with every second that passes. I want to stop, to collapse, to pass out, but a gentle force pulls me down the corridor.

It’s unexplainable, but it’s as if the force is providing me the energy to keep running, to stop myself from falling down, numbing my senses in a way.

Many rooms pass me, I barely recognise what they are and even where I am at this point, but something keeps pulling me. Countless turns later I find myself slowing down towards an isolated door. It opens automatically, letting me collapse through.

Through my clenched shut eyes, I hear the door close. My breathing comes in painful, short gasps, my lungs barely allowing enough air in. Tears freely flow from my eyes, no chance in stopping them anytime soon.

I struggle to push myself up against the wall, but I manage to do so, with barely any strength left.

I stay there, body pushed against the wall, my chest heaving painfully as my lungs continue to refuse the breath they desperately need. I cough and wheeze in pain, I almost don’t recognise myself sliding down the wall, laying down against the wall.

My head pounds in tremendous pain, my ears ringing in constant pain. I scratch down the wall, my fingers straining for something to grip onto.

Just as I feel myself droop towards unconsciousness, I feel that same force that lead me here. It’s as if now it’s giving me the breath I need as I manage to inhale a big gulp of air. Then another one.

A few minutes pass of just lying there, slowly recovering as oxygen once again circulates around my body. My head stops pounding and the ringing in my ears dial down to a minimum. I feel my arms slowly regain their lost strength.

I lay there, gasping and groaning, my heart beat slowing down from its previous raced pace. I open my eyes, the black spots disappearing after a few passing seconds.

I blink up at the high ceiling, tears escaping and dribbling down my face. I weakly turn my head, wanting to get a proper look of the room I currently occupy, only to come to a different realisation.

Red’s glowing yellow eyes seem to stare at me, her body being poised in a cautious stance. Not threatening but more like fear of getting to close. I hear her purring rumble throughout my ears, as if it’s right next to me.

I look around, confirming to myself that I’m in her hangar. Her soothing purrs resonate throughout my mind, letting me relish in tranquillity and peace. I use the wall to my advantage and grip it, using it to help me stand up.

I grunt and tighten my grip on the wall, my legs shaking underneath me, still getting used to their regained strength.

I refocus my gaze on Red, realising her change in stance.

She’s a little bit closer to me now, this time laying down on her stomach. I stare at her, her yellow eye glinting at me. I feel her communicate with me, ideas and realisation flooding into my brain.

“You….You brought me here?” My voice is strained and raspy, small droplets of tears still spilling from my eyes.

Her reply comes shortly after. I gasp as images of Keith flashes through my vision, a feeling of peace and contentment washing over me.

“Keith?” I whisper.

Red purrs once again, feeding me with more emotions, surges of faith, certainty, and assurance rushing through me.

I stare at her in disbelief. “Keith trusts me?” I ask her.

Her purring reply clearly indicating a yes.

I look away briefly, piecing together her meaning. I slowly look back at her, noticing her head being propped between to two front paws.

“Keith trusts me, a lot. So, now…you trust me?” I question her.

I don’t expect the affirmative answer that rushes to me. I let out a surprising squeak as her mouth hisses open, the ramp slowly descending towards me. I stare at it in slight fear and confusion, before Red purrs in reassurance.

I stare at her cautiously, flicking from her eyes to the extended ramp. I make up my decision, balancing myself on my feet before staggering towards the ramp. I slowly waddle up the ramp, placing my hand on her mouth, using it as support. I look ahead, red lights glowing and surging with energy, urging me to continue forward. I do so in a slow, balancing pace. As I make it to the top of her mouth, I turn back, staring as the ramp slowly retreats back into Red. I return my gaze in front of me, a t-intersection a few steps ahead, one leading up some stairs and another leading down another straight hallway.

I stare in shock and amazement as the stairs light up in a bright red. I smile lightly and walk up the stairs, hands gripping the rails in support. The stairs lead me to another single hallway, the end of it extending to a circular room. As I enter the room, a door slides open.

I stare at the door as it opens and reveals Red’s cockpit.

Lights illuminate in a bright and dull red. A wave of tranquillity washes over me as the once dark screens flicker awake and reveals the hangar.

I slowly step towards the control panel, looking at the screen and getting a bird’s eye-view of the hangar. The floor seems to grow farther away as Red returns to her usual sitting position. I let out a content sigh and smile. I look at the seat behind me, seeing the cushions of the seat glow a faint red, almost luring me towards it.

I hesitantly place my hand on the arm rest. After seeing nothing change, I reluctantly sit down in it. It’s almost as if the chair was welcoming me as warmth sprouts through me. A sense of relief and security floods through me.

I smile again, bringing my knees to my chest and leaning back, my thumb gently caressing the armrest.

“Thank you, Red.” I whisper.

Red purrs once again. Before I even sense it, I let my eyes close, welcoming the peaceful sleeps that awaits me.

I startle awake, arms instinctively clinging to the closest object.

“Hey! It’s just me. Calm down, I’ve got you.” Keith’s voice calms me down as I quickly regain my composure, Keith’s arms securing me in a bridal hold.

I stare at him in a sleepy haze before looking around. The lights in the cockpit changed from their bright luminescent glow to a dim glow. The screen is turned off and the control panel gleams slightly, being the only light that barely lights up the room.

I look back at Keith who eyes me with worry and caution. Tears sting my eyes and I fight profusely against them. I bury my head into his chest, hugging him tighter with my arms.

“I’m sorry Keith.” Sobs threaten to escape.

“Shhh Shhh, don’t cry. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Keith assures me, his thumb brushing my shoulder as he begins to slowly trek out of the cockpit. I feel Red’s calming purrs rupture through the bond, quickly exterminating the threatening tears.

I breath heavily into his chest using Red’s purring and Keith’s warmth as comfort and support.

I wince as bright lights shine through my eyes lids, white consuming my vision. I blearily blink away the temporary blindness and peek out of Keith’s chest. One look at Allura and Shiro and I squint away the tears, once again burying my face into Keith’s chest.

Keith stops his movement and hugs me closer to him, mumbling something to Allura and Shiro. I tune out to the conversation and nuzzle further into Keith. I feel his thumb give assuring strokes across my shoulder.

A few seconds later Keith begins to walk again. I feel him shift slightly as we walk further down the hallways. Minutes later I hear a door hiss open and the bright lights are substituted for dim lights.

The warmth of Keith disappears and I feel him lower me onto the softness of the mattress. I whine and tighten my hold on his neck as his arms slither away from me.

“(Y/n), calm down.” He whispers, hands gently clasping my arms. I open my eyes and blearily stare at him. “Let me take off my armour and I’ll come right back to you. I promise.”

I slowly loosen my grip and let him guide my hands down to the mattress. He smiles gently down at me before dipping down and pecking my forehead. He stands up almost immediately after.

I watch him carefully as he makes quick action in removing his armour, revealing his black shirt and pants. He dumps his armour against the wall and strides back over to me.

I shift back, giving him more room to slip in. He situates himself on his side, grabbing the blanket and pulling it up. I feel his arm snake underneath me and begin to drag me closer to him. I comply and nestle into his warm embrace. He tucks the blanket around me, coating me in warmth and contentment.

Once ensuring I’m almost completely consumed in the blanket, he places a protective hand on my head.

“What lead you to Red?” His voice barely breaks through the silence of the room.

I reply with the same hushed quietness. “She did.”

“What do you mean?” His confusion completely laces with his voice.

“I don’t really know how to explain it. I just felt the need to run, I didn’t even know where I was going ‘til I got there. It was like she was giving me the energy to run and lead me to her.”

Keith remains silent for a few seconds, the silence speaking his mind. He then nuzzles my nose and pecks his lips on my hair, placing his hand atop my head, pulling me flush against him.

I relax against him, hearing his heart beat rhythmically in his chest.

“I’m sorry for dragging you there tonight. I should’ve known you wouldn’t have been comfortable.” He apologises whilst combing his fingers through my hair.

I scoff. “It was my decision to go. I thought I would be able to handle it.” I nuzzle my nose into his neck, breathing in his husky scent.

“I know but I should’ve at least looked out for you.” Keith moves his legs, laying them atop mine in a protective manner.

“That doesn’t matter. What matters now is that you’re here.” I assure him as my fingers play on the ends of his mullet.

It’s then do I feel another purr emit from Red, thoughts of care and respect seeping into my mind.

Keith pulls away and looks down at me with open shock. I stare at him with wonder and disbelief. I feel my spine shudder as Red continues her purring, extending the thoughts to admiration.

A smile breaks out onto Keith’s face and before I have time to react, he kisses my noses.

“She likes you.” His voice is giddy and careless. “Fuck I love you so much.”

I giggle at his excitement and snuggle into him. Our quiet giggles are silenced, our soft breathing being the only quiet sound remaining.

In a matter of minutes, we fall asleep in content, tangled up in each other’s embrace.

[waywardnerd67]

A Balanced Life: Chap. 4 - Unexpected Ally

Summary: After meeting with (Y/N), Dean cannot help but to think of her. Throwing caution to the wind he crosses a boundary that could affect all their lives. Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Sammi Winchester (OFC), Reader Pairing: Dean x Reader Warnings: Fluff/Slight Angst Word Count: 1297 A/N: As always this is unbeta so all mistakes are mine. Likes, comments and reblogs are splendid and I will love you doubly for them! Enjoy!

Catch Up Here: A Balanced Life Masterlist

Dean pulled up in front of (Y/N)’s address where earlier this morning he had dropped off Sammi. She had spent the entire morning talking at super lightspeed about hanging out with (Y/N) for the day. All day, he had tried to keep his mind focus on other tasks like working on Baby or organizing the garage. Anything to keep him from thinking about (Y/N). She had called him to set up a time for Sammi to come over and hearing her voice again sent his mind reeling.

Taking a few deep breaths before getting out of his car, Dean walked up the path to the front door. (Y/N) opened the door dressed in jeans, a white t-shirt and black leather jacket. She looked amazing and Dean could not help his eyes trailing over her body.

“Hey Dean, Sammi is just grabbing her things.” She said inviting him inside.

He looked around seeing different pictures of her all over the world. He saw Sammi coming down the hall with a few bags in her hands, “Hey dad! I can’t wait to show you what I got today.”

Dean looked to (Y/N), “What do I owe you?” he asked as she shook her head.

“Nothing. It was my pleasure. We just did some girl shopping and lunch.” She said as he smiled down at Sammi who was beaming.

They walked out the door after Sammi hugged (Y/N) and took off towards Baby. “Seriously, I feel like I owe you for something.” He said stepping down off her porch.

“You really don’t. I loved spending time with Sammi. You have an amazing daughter, Dean.” He could not help but match the smile on her lips.

“I’ll make it up to you one way or another. Thank you for taking care of her.” He started to walk away as she waved goodbye to them both.

Sammi spent the whole way home talking about how much fun she had with (Y/N). When they got back to the Bunker she tried on all the clothes she had purchased for her. Conveniently, all the price tags had been removed. Chuckling he was starting to like (Y/N) more and more.

Dean was sitting in the library when Sam came walking in, “Sammi seemed to have a great day.” He mentioned.

“Yeah, she really loves spending time with (Y/N). She’s a really wonderful person.” He looked up to see Sam giving him a curious look.

His brother sat down, “Dean no.” he said simply.

“What?” Dean asked not making eye contact with him.

“You know what. Dean, you cannot hook up with Sammi’s teacher.” Dean shushed him hoping Sammi did not hear him.

He took a deep breath before speaking, “I’m not going to hook up with (Y/N). Yes, she’s gorgeous, smart, well-traveled and amazing with Sammi…”

Sam crossed his arms over his chest giving him a pointed look, “Mmhmm.”

“BUT, I know I can’t cross that line. I’m going to keep it friendly between us for Sammi’s sake.” Sam just stared at him. “I’m serious Sam. Nothing is going to happen between us.”

Sam nodded, “Okay then.” He got up walking off towards the kitchen.

Dean sighed heavily knowing his brother was right. Thinking about (Y/N) made the ache in his chest a little less. He knew Sam was right. His phone buzzed seeing it was (Y/N)’s number on the screen.

“Hello.” He answered a smile spreading across his face.

“Hi Dean, Sammi left her jacket over here. I didn’t know if you wanted to come and get it or if I could just give it to her on Monday.” She said as Dean found himself immediately getting up heading towards the garage.

“If you don’t mind me stopping by to get it now I can be there in a few minutes.” He said stopping just before he reached Sammi’s room.

(Y/N) chuckled, “I don’t mind at all. See you then.”

Dean peeked his head into Sammi’s room, “I’m going to grab some pizza. Chicken and green peppers?” he asked.

“Extra onions as well.” She said smiling up at him.

He smiled proudly, “You got it. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

The whole way to (Y/N)’s house, Dean was trying to convince himself that it was for the best to keep everything between him and (Y/N) friendly. As he stood outside her door he kept repeating the mantra, “Do not ask her out. Do not ask her out.”

When she opened the door and he saw her smile his heart leaped in his chest, “Hey Dean. Here’s Sammi’s jacket.” She handed him the canvas jacket.

“Thanks. Hey, can I ask you something?” she nodded as he ran his hand over the back of his neck, “I was wondering if maybe we could go grab a bite to eat sometime… together?”

Looking up she could see (Y/N) was apprehensive, “I don’t know. I mean you seem like a really great guy and you’re good looking, but you’re also a parent of one of my students. I don’t think…”

Dean interrupted her, “It doesn’t have to be a date or anything. Just let me take you for lunch or dinner as repayment for going above and beyond with Sammi. Please?”

(Y/N) sighed then smiled while nodding, “Okay. Lunch next Sunday. There is a diner near school that we can meet at around two o’clock.”

Dean gave her his best Winchester smile, “Sounds great, I will see you then.”

The smile could not be wiped off his face the rest of the evening as Sammi, Castiel, Sam and him all sat to eat dinner. Castiel and Sammi were amused by Dean’s good mood where his brother was giving him the ultimate bitch face.

When the brothers were alone in the library Sam finally let him have it, “You did it, didn’t you? You asked Sammi’s teacher out?”

“I asked her to lunch to repay her for buying Sammi some new clothes. That is all. It’s only lunch Sam not a freaking marriage proposal.” Dean stood up grabbing the empty boxes of pizza.

Sam followed him into the kitchen, “Dean, this is a slippery slope you’re messing with. What if it turns into more than just lunch? How will that effect Sammi or better yet how will you keep her out of this life?”

Dean tossed the boxes in the trash, “Sammy I hear you. All those thoughts are already running through my head. For right now, it’s just lunch with Sammi’s teacher. If it turns to more then I will cross that bridge when it comes. Is it so bad that for once I actually want a normal life?”

Looking up to his brother he watched him let out a long breath, “No it’s not. Actually, it’s kind of encouraging. Just tread carefully.”

The next week flew by and before he knew it Sunday had arrived. Castiel was taking Sammi to a bee farm where they regularly volunteered to take care of the bees. Dean stood in front of his closet trying to decide what was best to wear for his lunch. All he had was flannels and most of them were worn down or stained with grease and blood.

Looking down at his watch, he quickly grabbed a dark grey Henley and his canvas jacket. Grabbing his keys, he headed off to the familiar diner near Sammi’s school. Walking in he found (Y/N) sitting in a booth sipping on a Coke waiting for him.

“Hey there.” He said sliding in his seat.

Dean could swear her smile could light up the darkest of nights. “Hi.” She said softly.

The waitress came and took their orders then an awkward silence fell between them. (Y/N) let out a nervous chuckle, “So Dean, tell me more about yourself.”

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[xxwritteninangstxx]

Happy 27th Birthday

Happy 3rd Recovery Anniversary.

Today is my birthday. A day that means a lot more than just the day I was born. Now before I go on, there is a lot of trigger warnings that I’ve tagged with what is currently under the cut. So please proceed with caution when continuing to read.

For those of you who don’t know me all that well, let me give you a bit of a background as to what lead to the events three years ago. Even before that, life has had its ups and downs. I’ve had my moments of depression and push through and carry on with my life. It had started from a young age and I just knew that I was sad and wanted to be by myself.

I remember the several times my mom would pull me into the room away from my siblings and cousins just to have talks. She would always ask what’s wrong? Is something bothering you? And every time I replied with Nothing is wrong or nothing is bothering me. Because it was the truth. Nothing in that day or even the past few days leading up to that talk happened. I just felt down for what I felt was no reason at all. 

Over the years it had just been a feeling. There were no dark thoughts, there were no demons lurking and fighting to take control. I was just a kid that didn’t understand what was going on with myself that I would just want to be alone and cry.

That had changed a few years later. I was pulled out of my element. My family moved to a new town and my bouts of depression got worse. I was in a neighborhood where there nearest house was a few acres away and there weren’t any kids my age. All of the friends that I had grown up with had now lived almost a half hour away. I felt completely alone and that was when the Demons had taken hold and started implanting their dark thoughts. 

I was 14 when I first harmed myself. It was a piece of metal and a lighter that I used. Heating the metal until it was bright red before bringing it to my skin. The burns had calmed the mess that was in my head. My brain focused on the pain and not on the emptiness that I had felt. That had continued until one day I had accidentally cut myself on glass while taking the trash out. 

The pain had been welcoming and it wasn’t until later that my mom made mention that I should have gotten stitches for how deep it was. But I literally told her, its fine I’ll have a scar anyways. And it was that moment that I moved on from burning to cutting. 

I wont go into the deeper details of it all. But I was this kid that allowed the demons to take over several times without anyone ever really figuring it out. Long sleeves and pants were always my go to, even in the summer. The mess I saw my skin in had brought me comfort. It calmed the darkness in my head to an extent. When I didn’t want to feel the emotional pain, I transferred it physically. 

Fast forward several years and I enter a very horrible relationship. In the beginning he had been the perfect guy in my opinion. He challenged me in ways I didn’t know I needed. Our date nights consisted of doing things we haven’t tried before and for a moment it had calmed the demons in my head. 

Of course where I believed my happy ending was beginning, it was just the beginning of my downfall. The caring and loving words and notions turned to words and acts of degrading me. Nothing I did was good enough anymore. I was wrong in everything I did. Bruises and bite marks that broke the skin littered my body and not in the pleasant way. The abuse in every aspect had began fueling the demons that had been held back for a while. And each passing day it got worse until I had broken free from the relationship. 

I was a mess. I had just moved back with my family after moving away for a year for work. Everything just seemed to be continuing its downward spiral that I couldn’t control. I tried living with a cousin since she needed a live in nanny. Being with the kids had brought my spirits up quite a bit until she decided she was going to put them in daycare and our agreement went to hell.

On March 6th 2016, the Demons  that had been in my head were out to play. They feed every dark thought one could imagine. The I wasn’t good enough any more thoughts. The world would be better off with out me thoughts. The I've just been a burden this whole time and my death would make things easier for everyone else. One less mouth to feed, one less person to worry about. 

That night I took it out on my body. Cuts and burns look residency on my skin and once was all said and done, I had my death planned. That come tomorrow, on my birthday, I’d drive my car into the aqueduct and that would be the end of it all. 

The next day I went to my mom’s house and spent some time with her. I had told her several times that I was sorry for how things had gone recently. That it had been completely on me why everything had taken a turn as it had. I made sure that I told her at least a dozen times that I loved her and appreciated everything she did for me. 

I left that night with every intention of doing as I planned. I got the car up to 100 and told myself that it was what I wanted. That things would be better. I had the aqueduct in view, I saw the gate just there ahead of me. All I would have to do was hit it hard enough and I’d be free.

For some reason, a reason that I've never been able to explain myself, I stopped the car right before I hit the gate. I sat there and cried for a better part of an hour. Sitting there I fought with the demons that were in my head until they shut up. They shut up long enough for me to start driving home, but every once in a while it was a random ‘just swerve to the left’ or ‘speed up and hit that’. But I made it home. I managed to get upstairs to my room, to have a several shots of tequila and decided that I would try to do better before I went to bed.

March 7th, while I had every intention of doing it, I didn’t. The cuts and burns were still new from the night before, but I hadn’t gone through with it. And today marks 3 years that I haven’t fed the dark thoughts that have been lurking in my mind. I haven’t hurt myself in any way that would fuel those demons to come out and play.

I’m not cured. I dont think I will ever be. I still have my moments of depression that come and go. My recent bout of Depression was bad. I actually visualized my self picking up a blade and running it along my skin. One before that I had been cutting vegetables and saw my self slicing my fingers off just for the hell of it. But I haven’t fed the demon that has been showing me these things. 

Its a daily fight and I’ve been winning each day so far. Three years and my skin hasn’t felt a blade run across it, it hasn’t felt the press of hot metal against it. 1095 days I’ve won. And I’m hoping that I’ll continue to win this battle with my own mind. Because if I had actually gone through with it, I would have missed a lot. 

I would have missed the birth of my beautiful niece. While she is handful and there are times where I’m completely frustrated with her, I love her to pieces.  I would have missed the chance to meet a handful of celebrities that I love (Daniel Gillies and Taylor Lautner included). I would have missed out on the opportunity to meet several new people that have helped me in so many ways. 

So here is to another year here on this Earth. Hopefully 27 will be a great year. 

Here is to 3 years of recovery. 3 years of actually living. 3 years of fighting as much as I can.