#i really had a hard time because i thought it looked bad and lost motivation

[slvtforfiction]

Jake Webber smut where he tells you to sit on his face. That would be soooo hot

“Sit,don’t hover.”

☆ Omg anon,ur amazing

☆ Lots of love

☆ Jake Webber X Reader

☆ Pandemic times!

☆ Smut

☆ Masterlist

☆ Hey guys! Before anything else I would ask you to request anything you want because I've lost a lot of motivation and it would really help! :D (if requests are open.)

☆ Creds to @cafekitsune for dividers :)

"Fine, no orgasms and no sex for a week." He told me.

"Does that include masturbating?" I asked him with an innocent smile.

"Yes,Y/n." He snapped back.

Now how did we get here?

Well...

The break down of it being I was being a brat, which then led to him on top of me pinning me down before that sentence left his mouth.

Easy challenge,he will give up so easily, he loves it as much as I do and he won't last 3 days.

Day 1;

We still cuddled up to each other last night but other than that nothing,I gave him 2 days more and he will for sure break.

Day 2;

I barely saw him at all today,he had something to do with Johnnie but I thought when he got home he would have broken that pact,turns out I was wrong.

I'm sticking with my initial impression with 24hours left though.I'm struggling and he seems to be just fine.

It’s killing me to see how easy he thinks this is when I’m beyond tempted to pull a vibrator out of my drawer.

Day 3;

This is killing me,I thought he would have given up, but he hasn't,he hasn't even mentioned it and it's driving me insane.

I can't give up though,l bragged about it to him all day after his said that saying that I would last so much more than him.

Im as stubborn as he is and he knows it.

Day 4;

I'm fucked,he keeps grabbing my thighs and I'm melting,he knows it.

I didn't think he'd last this long,sometimes I can hear him in the kitchen talking to Colby about the challenge and how easy it is.

Day 5;

2 days left and I think Jake will break,he was talking to Colby earlier about how hard it was for him,metaphorically and physically.

Turn of events from yesterday then,I thought to myself with a smile.

He got hard last night,I felt him pressing into me I hoped he was giving up,but nope.

Day 6;

I give up.

He pressed his back into me,his hard on pressing into my ass.

He grabbed something from the cupboard above me in the kitchen and then moved away from me trying to palm himself from the painful boner he wasn't trying particularly hard to hide.

Maybe I won't have to give up?

Maybe he will.

I can only hope.

"Mh how about you fuck me? I know you have a hard on."I told him teasingly.

"You know I can't." He told me continuing to cook.

"Well how about you give up the challenge? You don't want blue balls." I told him with a sly grin forming.

"Fuck off Y/n." He told me angrily.

I smiled and walked away to the sofa reading a book that Kat had gave me for Christmas.

During the Pandemic,christmas wasn't a great time for everyone,very scary at the least.

I heard the oven being switched off but I didn't dare to turn around,so I kept my head buried in my book.

"Stop fucking reading that book and give up the challenge." Jake said into my ear from behind me clearly wanting to fuck.

"Mh,I don't think I will." I told him with a smile slapped across my face before returning to my book.

"You want this as bad as me,I know you do Y/n,I heard you talking to Kat." He told me.

Now I can't lie I did talk to Kat about how I was struggling but I didn't realise Jake was listening behind us.

"And I heard you talking to Colbs,not to mention how you've pressed 2 hard ons into my back side just begging for my attention." I smiled back at him dragging out the 'begging' and turning around to look at him leaving my book on the coffee table.

I hummed at his response of gritted teeth and a clenched jaw.

God he looks beautiful.

I snapped out of it before kissing his Addams apple.

"Hm I'll give up if I can top?" I hummed looking at him. "No,Y/n,Just give up now." He snapped getting extremely sexually frustrated.

I hummed at his response as if saying no and then walked off to the bedroom.

He followed behind me and sat on the bed before I could. “I give up,sit on my face.” He said.

And I smiled turning around,more of a nervous smile to be honest. “What?” I asked unsure if I heard him correctly.

“You heard me,strip and sit.” He told me and I smiled,turning around as I took off my leggings and panties,walking over to the bed where he lied.

I sat on top of the prominent imprint on his trousers,moving my hips around as I smiled at him teasingly.

“Do you give up the challenge?” I asked him,grinding and grinning on top of him. “Yes,for fucks sake,stop being a brat.” He said and with that he lifted my body above him and sat me down on his face.

I lifted myself off slightly not wanting to suffocate him “Sit,don’t hover.” He told me,his voice sending shivers down my spine as the vibrations hit my pussy.

I sat down as he immediately started to lap at my clit. I moaned out of pleasure,my pent up sexual tension leaving my body as I relaxed.

He slipped his tongue in and out of my hole,my body feeling as if I was in heaven.

I relaxed further as he pumped his tongue in and out,his hands holding up my hips as I let him take full control.

“Jake please!” I all but screamed as I felt the knot in my stomach tighten,knowing I wouldn’t be able to stop it from snapping soon enough.

“Cum for me love.” He told me as I came on his face,riding through my high on his tongue.

“Jake please,too much.” I whimpered out as he continued his movements.He flipped me over,his head resting between my thighs as he continued.

I grabbed a hold of his hair,pulling him further into me and simultaneously pushing him away.

I came undone on his tongue again,riding through my high on his face as he let me down gently.

He kissed my thighs as I whined out,the subspace staying engraved into my mind.

He walked into the bathroom to grab a wet cloth to wash his face and clean up my thighs.

He tried his best to gently clean me up,apologising whenever he hit an especially sensitive area.

He laid down next to me,pulling me into his chest and taking his hands through my hair.

“You lost.” I laughed weakly at him as I smiled up at his looking into his eyes.

“Yeah but I’ve won the most beautiful girlfriend in the world.” He told me as he held my head close to him,pulling the covers up with his other hand.

“Go to sleep princess,you deserve it.” He said with a smile,I knew I would make it up to him in the morning I thought as I drifted off.

[floswife]

SORE LOSER - T.N X READER

Pairing: Theodore Nott x reader

Summary: Theodore and Y/n learn how to better focus their hate for each other

Warnings: SMUT, oral, dubcon..?

Author’s notes: this is my first time writing smut so I honestly apologise for how inevitably bad this will be 💀

Y/n didn’t know what it was about seeing the anger flash before Theo’s eyes when she’d taunt him, but it honestly was her main motivation when competing against him.

Like now in this quidditch match as she threw the quaffle threw the goal hoops once more, she had to turn to look at Theo for a split second just for the sake of rubbing salt into the wound. She would like to lie and say she was ashamed of her pettiness but what’s the point in that?

She had been out to get him ever since he made her cauldron explode in potions, which prompted Snape to hate her even more than he usually did with Gryffindors. Which was quite a feat, she wasn’t on a Harry Potter level of hatred but on the other hand Snape didn’t have a perpetual hard on for her mother either so that probably helped her too.

In hindsight it was a petty reason to name someone your sworn enemy, but his smug smile when he saw her turn to glare at him was enough to set her eleven year old brain off. Plus she just really liked being a hater for no reason.

After successfully winning the game she went over to Theo who was leaning against the wall, looking like a kicked puppy, she couldn’t lie, seeing him like that really did numbers on her but she wasn’t about to let that get in the way of her favourite thing to do with Theo, gloat.

“How does it feel to lose yet again, Nott?” She called out cheerily, the broad grin he loved hated so much painted across her face.

He groaned in annoyance at the sound of her voice, “leave me alone, l/n, I’m not in the mood.”

He had always been a sore loser, she laughed in amusement “or what? I’m sorry but the last I checked you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Theo glared at her as she stood in front of him, both of them still in their quidditch uniforms, he towered over her but she did well to push that thought to the back of her mind as she had been doing ever since he annoyingly hit a growth spurt in third year. She remembered how ranted about it to her friends later on, pretending to ignore her friends knowing smirks as she’d feel a rosy blush rise to her cheeks every time she had to crane her neck to meet his cold gaze.

“Why do you always have to be such a brat?” He sneered at the girl.

“Oh I’m the brat? I’m not the one sulking like a child because I lost a match.” Y/n’s continuous retorts just made him snap.

He grabbed her wrist and yanked her to follow after him, practically dragging her, and took her under the quidditch stands.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” She rubbed her wrist in annoyance at his harsh grip.

“I’m gonna teach you how to shut up.” He pushed her down to her knees and she looked up at him in shock, she looked forward and saw the prominent tent in his trousers, “now be a good girl and listen to me for once.” His voice was slightly whiny as he said that, like he was begging her.

Y/n gulped, really beginning to question her morals, but all her internal monologue silenced when he unzipped his trousers and freed his member from its constraints with a throaty groan, wetness pooled between her legs at the sound and just the sight of his pretty cock. Merlin he was big.

He rubbed the tip along her lips, the salty taste of his precum invaded her tastebuds.

“Open your mouth and put that mouth to good use.” He demanded, she did as she was told and tentatively kitten licked the tip, he threw his head back in satisfaction and let out a whimper? She then wrapped her mouth around his tip and sucked.

He moaned her name out even louder, making her moan around his cock at the sound, she took as much of him down her throat as possible, she gagged when he hit the back of her throat but she powered through, bobbing her head up and down and using her hand to pump at the parts of his shaft that couldn’t fit in her mouth.

“Fuck! Just like that. Taking me so well.”

He was groaning loudly, and she suddenly gained awareness that they weren’t exactly in the most private of places, she tried to pull away to tell him to shut up but he just wrapped a hand in her hair and pushed her back down, he began thrusting his hips and fucked her mouth, tears ran down her cheeks and saliva dribbled out the corners of her mouth as he used her as he pleased. The thought of how blatantly he was using her as just an object couldn’t help but arouse her.

“Being such a good girl for me.”

He held her head down on his cock and she struggled to breath, he twitched before releasing down her throat, he pulled out and tapped her cheek, “swallow.”

He tucked himself away and she got up and stuck out her tongue to show him she swallowed.

He now smirked, “it wasn’t that hard to listen now was it?”

Y/n was still in a haze as she tried to compose herself and have the decency to at least pretend to be embarrassed and tried to pull away but he firmly placed his hands on her hips and pulled her right back against him again, “Shut up, Nott.”

He raised his brows teasingly and she couldn’t help but grow frustrated at how he had switched the tables on her so quickly when she was so clearly set up for a win.

“That’s not how someone who just had my cock down my throat should be speaking, now is it?” His voice was mocking, condescending.

She get that familiar heat pool between her thighs once more and she remained speechless, he smirked.

“Such a shame, you were gonna get a reward for being such a good girl.”

She tried to gain her composure as she scoffed, “like I’d want it.” She really did want it

He leaned in, that stupid lazy smirk on his lips again, “so you’re not soaked right now?”

Her eyes widened and he then inched his hand from her hip to under her waistband, as soon as his fingers touched her wetness that had completely soaked through her panties she moaned lightly, her eyes rolling back at the contact she was yearning this whole time.

“Theo!” She gasped.

He pulled his fingers away just as quickly as it came he pulled his finger and he brought it to his lips to suck her juices clean from it and he hummed, “so sweet.. on second thought, let’s continue this tonight, room of requirements?”

“What-“

And just like that he left her there, needy for his touch.

She really did hate him.

But he was so hot.

Looks like she had plans for the night.

Part two?

[tremendum]

Mr. Miller

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader (afab, use of she/her, use of the word girl)    

rating: explicit. (18+. mdni.)    

word count: 6.8k requested: yes. here and here :) 

summary:  “six months before you ran yourself into any trouble with somebody - that's no easy feat, considering your track record, so you like to call it a win anyways. but boy, talk about a rocky start with someone. Tommy's goddamn brother, no less.”

warnings: Jackson era, mentions of marijuana use, age gap (unspecified), sliiightly dub!con, smut (PiV, unprotected), creampie, overstimulation, pussy spanking, choking, spit kink, slight knife kink (do not look at me), dom!Joel (brat tamer!Joel if you squint), slight sir kink, so much dirty talk, lots of begging, degradation kink, dacryphilia, mean!Joel, this is just shameless smut i am horrible  notes: okay i kind of modified these asks but I thought it’d be fun to write it like this!!! as always reblogs/asks/comments are always great motivations :’) this is not reread because i am INSANE! xoxo

(  read the sequel other Joel fics:     fever       landmines    )

★  

to be completely honest, you never would’ve guessed you’d move to Wyoming. 

of course, in this world you didn't really have much of a choice of where you end up; it was hard to travel, yes, but there was some guiding hand that invisibly pushed you upon Jackson in the middle of a really rough winter. 

a girl, lost and on her own through the dangerous sprawls of what's left of the United States - of course Tommy and Maria had accepted you into the community; you were resourceful, willing, and strong-headed. 

most of Jackson was nice.

the people were good, the community functioned, and you were finally safe - you found a job working partly as a patrolman if an extra hand was needed, but mostly as a gardener.

it was a beautiful basin valley with sprawling mountains that glittered in the snow even during summer. 

you'd only been there for - what, maybe half a year? six months before you ran yourself into any trouble with somebody - that's no easy feat, considering your track record, so you like to call it a win anyways. but boy, talk about a rocky start with someone. 

Tommy's goddamn brother, no less. 

you didn't particularly get off on the correct foot with Joel Miller. when he showed up in town, people were thrown off. you surely understood that - but it was Tommy's brother, and Tommy insisted he would be fine; he and the girl with him had already been 'round Jackson before, leaving just a week or so before you showed up, apparently. 

you'd definitely heard about him. 

coincidentally, you'd actually moved into the house that Tommy had wanted Joel to have; the house that had the spare girl's bedroom which Ellie came through to ravage once they came back into town. (apparently the towels at Joel's were too rough no matter how many times they were washed, and Ellie really liked that Tamagotchi you'd found in the bedroom she once slept in.) 

maybe that'd already put him off, the short time in which Ellie had found company in you. who knows. 

but unfortunately, your first impression of him was muddled by a very real lens of beer-goggles and a long week's aching exhaustion in your brain. he was large, a tall man whose disposition dripped of domineering power; he didn't trust anybody here and by the looks of it, they didn't particularly adore him. he kept to himself besides Tommy -  who unfortunately along with his wife were really your closest comrades in the community. 

you almost felt bad for him, because that's how many people saw you at first. but on that night, you were just drunk enough, as you greeted Maria and Tommy at the bar with smiles and a joke about your libido, that you didn't quite realize that Tommy's big brother Joel was sat there, eyes watching you with a glimmer of something lurking behind the rim of the beer bottle. 

to be fair: everybody in this life is unkind in their first impressions. that's just how the world is now - 'every man for himself' is an unfortunately ugly reality and those who are too soft to see that are rarely spared the gore.

but when Tommy introduces you to Joel with a huff of a laugh and a friendly slap on your shoulder, Joel's eyes are distrusting, judging. he doesn’t say anything to you.

you try not to be offended. 

"pleasure to meet ya, Mr. Miller." you nod with a grin, your cheeks hot with slight intoxication as his large, calloused palm slips into yours. his grip is tight - your wince is covered with your words as you momentarily shoot Maria a look, turning back to the man in front of you.

"I met your girl earlier. stormed into my house like she owned the damn thing. was lookin' for some stuff she'd found last time, I guess. I'm just glad she didn't find my collection of big-girl toys." 

okay. okay, yeah, maybe you are too drunk. Maria laughs, at least, and Tommy lets out a chuckle, eyes flickering to Joel. but he just hums, eyes glancing over you once more before returning to nurse his dark beer with a furrow of his brows. “right.”

and pathetic as it is, he was too damn irresistible; you’d imagined that stare -that brooding scowl- one too many times in the dead of night, hands down your pants or in a stranger’s bed. 

and it hadn't gotten better in the months following. 

it was of circumstances most unfortunate for you that Joel and Ellie moved into a house just a few down from you - as much as you wished to just never see the man and his censorious stare, it was unavoidable. especially when Ellie showed up nearly day-to-day with questions, excuses, or even just complaints of boredom to coax you into letting her inside your house. 

a week or so ago, you’d overheard Tommy in a hushed voice down at the dining hall trying to convince Joel it was a good thing, that Ellie was learning to garden, learning about woman stuff (yes, he actually fucking said that), and - god forbid- make friends. 

but you love Ellie.

she in't like Joel. she’s funny, and lively, and easy-going once you warmed up to her. in fact, you actually started to collect things from around town to show her on her ceremonious visits; books, tattered board games, once you even found a trumpet in the crawlspace of your old house. it was rusty and honestly probably still had dried saliva from whichever fifth-grader played it way back before the outbreak, but it was enough to entertain you and the fifteen-year-old girl for hours even if neither of you knew how to play it. 

and maybe it was after Ellie mentioned to you with a giggle that Joel complains about you calling him ‘Mr. Miller,’ or maybe it was when she said he’d always ask about you and what you’re like whenever she returned from your days together. 

no matter what the catalyst really was, you just know you have it bad for that man, in the worst way - because he is a fucking asshole. 

but the worst of it was when Joel and you get paired up to patrol together on the outskirts. it means hours together of breathing and awkward looks, silence from you because he was silent and clearly wanted nothing to do with you. 

you suffered through hours of Joel’s rugged sageness for survival, tugging you effortlessly through boulders, lifting yourselves high through dilapidated structures in the middle of the wilderness. he was strong and capable and fucking sexy, and that made it all the more unbearable when snide comments about your youth or your inexperience or your lack of punctuality would pass his lips. it was annoying how hot it made you. 

as the summer rolled around, the horde was growing ever-present at the lips of Jackson county, festering like the moss that spreads along the woodsy forests in the northwest - hence your increased activity with the others who patrol the area and keep the community safe. 

he was a many of almost no words, and though you were in no way the same when you were around people you trust, the man just brings out the skeptic in you - so for weeks, it was days of the two of you walking in silence, the only noise being weak impasses and jabs at the other’s self-esteem all veiled by a smirk or an eye-roll. 

and still, each day out passed with your untrustworthy gazes pinned on the horizon just as much on each other's trigger fingers.

-- 

you're at your wit's end on one Friday evening as you finally return into town from patrol with him. 

Joel is a man plagued by too many unnamed illnesses; the likes of which you so fondly call in your head 'can't-accept-help-itis' and 'stubborn-old-asshole-luenza.' part of his symptoms render him unable to say full sentences to you without a judgmental look or a skeptical scoff, and sure you're not always the best judge of character, but you're confident that Joel has his eyes on your backside every single time you bend over to move your marker on the trail. he’s thought about it, too. 

but right now, you’re so tense you’re about to snap. 

his gaze hasn't left your profile for - you swear to god - almost thirty fucking minutes. like, nearly the whole walk from the first outpost. he’s been staring at you like you’re a ghost, or a second head sprouted from your neck. 

the heat of the summer night is unsullied; though you’re high in elevation, the warm wind blows a gust over your bare knees and ruffles your hair, coaxing a damp feeling to settle between your thighs under his gaze. 

"if you stare any harder at me, you'll get a fucking nose bleed." you sneer, keeping your eyes ahead as you grit your teeth. his gaze is burning into your side and with your words, they maintain their heat. 

whatever he was thinking, he keeps it to himself. you glare at his own profile, thick thighs, sturdy chest, hair that blows gently in the warm air. his jaw, glinting against the lights that guide you back into town. at least he’s looked away from you. good.

your victorious smirk is wiped off of your lips with his next words, the first in several hours from him besides grunts and directives. "d'you have the logs on you?" 

you look at him with revelation. "shit." you sigh shaking your head, "they're- they're at home." 

his face slides into a look of disdain, deep vexation at the task of now going back with you to your own house to sign the logs and confirm your findings for this patrol. "great." he mutters, feet kicking into gear to hightail it up the street, towards your house. 

the heat is swirling around your legs in the darkening evening as you finally enter your house, sighing into the empty air. the lights flicker when you switch them on, and you'd bring yourself to be more embarrassed about the disheveled state of your things if it had been anyone else with you. 

it doesn’t even matter, after all; his sights are set one one incriminating little piece of evidence in the corner of the living room. 

the small nub that sits on the tray by your windowsill seems to be more salient for Joel than the hurricane that threw your belongings across the space. 

your hands fall onto your hips, sighing as he accusingly lifts it from its ashy grave, eyes furrowed in irritation. your flannel sticks to your sleeves in the heat as his eyes meet yours. 

"is this- 's this marijuana?" he's incredulous as his fingers pinch the burnt-out roach, and you screw your brows at him; is he serious? you ignore the dwarfed look of the small old joint in his large hand, instead rolling your eyes. "yeah, some folks call it weed. you can smoke it and it makes you feel real good. you ever heard of it, Mr. Miller?" you snark, the sarcasm spilling from your lips deliciously; Joel eats it up like a man starved, his jaw ticking as he tilts his head. 

you know he secretly loves when you taunt him with the honorific; yes, it gets on his nerves, but there’s a secret air about him that suggests he likes it that way. it is easier to blur the lines between hate and desire than affection and desire, after all. 

"Ellie comes over here every day." he hisses, eyes sharp. you blink slowly at him, trying to fight the laugh that creeps up your throat; his gaze is dark, furious - did he think you were smoking weed with the girl? she's, like, thirteen. (fifteen, she corrects you in your mind. but still.) 

"that’s correct." you confirm, turning from him to search the kitchen for the log you'd forgotten in your haste to leave. his footsteps ring angry onto the floorboards. "if you're worried about that, I’d never smoke around her. 'm not that disrespectful." you defend, avoiding eye contact as you shuffle through your drawer of junk. 

"doesn’t matter. she won't be coming round much more." he threatens it - tests the waters. as if he has the authority to punish you.

you lift a brow at him, "don’t you think she should be able to make that choice?" you throw back at him, tossing your switchblade onto the table to your right as you sort through the miscellaneous items with both hands. 

uh oh, that struck a nerve in the man. 

his eyes sharpen as he breathes harsh at your words; "don't talk about things you know nothing about, girl." he snaps, crossing his arms, "now find the fucking log so I can leave." 

you glare at him, gesturing in front of you; your eyes scream no shit, Joel, I’m looking. 

it's silent as you search through the drawer, gritting your teeth in the tense silence of anger, thicker than molasses. 

you click your jaw, refusing to let it go, let him think he won. 

"I do have self respect, y'know." you pipe up, lifting a brow as you finally stumble upon the log, pulling a dying pen from the drawer and scribbling notes as you plop down on a wooden chair at your kitchen table.

Joel stays standing; it does not go unnoticed when his eyes take in the contours of your body, the clothes that stick to you in the heat of the summer; a pair of jean shorts, torn from years of use, and a thin tank top, covered with an unbuttoned flannel. his eyes sear into you at your words.

wow. fuck him. 

(no, not like fuck him, but- fuck him.) 

"never said you didn't, darlin'." he mutters condescendingly, the pet name leaving his mouth bitterly. any form of backlash you were going to unleash on his dies in your throat quickly when he leans over your shoulder to sign his own name next to yours. your eyes widen to search his face as his own skim over your account of the patrol. he's- wow, he's closer to you than you would have expected. 

holy shit. smoky swirls of gunpowder, pine, and dark amber whiskey. they fill your nostrils, dizzying your mind as you let out a stuttered breath - it's hot in here... your eyes glance as a small lick of sweat trickles down his neck. your throat is dry, heat swirling in your abdomen as he hums, "jus' think Ellie should start hangin' around with others." 

"why's that?" you snap, daring him to say it. fuck, your heart is pounding in your chest. oh, if he just admits it; that he thinks he's better than you, that he thinks you're pathetic - lord, you yearn for it, you’d have a fucking field day. you want an excuse to hit him. or bite him.

fuck Joel Miller, and- okay, fine. fuck him, too. 

his brows are furrowed as he glares hawkishly at your stubborn form; his gaze is serrated with disdain, jaw clenching with the words you're just begging him to admit.

"she's been cussin' and speaking...vulgar." he mutters, eyes flickering away from you. your jaw unhinges as you huff in surprise; he has the audacity to accuse you for teaching her to be foul-mouthed? hadn't she traveled with him for, what, a year? she’s a teenager - that’s what they do. 

"oh, please." you snap, "that girl was far from a princess when you showed up here, you know." you mutter, tossing a look over your shoulder up at him, the buttons undone at the top of his shirt staring at you, mocking you. 

"I know." he dismisses. his hand falls to stable himself on the back of your chair as he leans down towards you, "but you ain't helping. don't need her gettin' into any more trouble." 

you narrow your eyes, "trouble?" you parrot, accusing. 

the air is warm, thick as you cross your arms, the windows open and flowing the outside summer air into your nostrils. "how could I be trouble? you hardly know me." you snap, offended. you swirl with irritation. 

"because I listen. people think you're harsh. untrustworthy." he spits, smirking down at you as if his words are poison that'll dissolve your whole being into a small puddle of regret. but no, it's gasoline; his words are enough to incite your flames, lick you alive with ardor. 

he doesn't like you? oh, big fucking deal. you don't like him. 

"you ever heard of the pot calling the kettle black, Mr. Miller?" you drawl, lifting an accusatory brow. “what if you’re the bad influence? it’s not like you have any more manners than I do.” 

his jaw sets and his nostrils flare from his sharp exhale; you let your eyes swipe over the splattering of freckles that peek out from under the scruff beard that grows; a scar jags across his skin, frown lines creasing his scowl in a dark, terribly attractive way. you’re tip-toeing a line here, you can feel it. 

he can feel it, too. 

his eyes dip down, though you try hard to hold his heated gaze; they trail slowly over your shoulders and down, down to the dip of your collarbones and then over your breasts, heaving slightly with the proximity of the man. his gaze nearly melts the tank top that stretches over your torso and a flood of excitement rushes through you, pooling in the seat of your underwear. a smirk creeps onto your face at his wandering stare - resentful, loathing, heated. 

something in you snaps, and you can't deal with it any longer; not with his proximity, leaning over your shoulder and staring you down, with half-rolled sleeves. his forearms, they’re thick- goddamn, he's so-

"-I can't tell if you're looking at me like that because you want to kill me, or you want to fuck me." you snap, breaking his spell as you snap his attention back to your own eyes with your bold choice of words. "either way, it'll have to wait. I got shit to do, Mr. Miller, and for some reason, you're still in my house giving me fuck-me-eyes." 

"-you better watch your mouth." he snarls, chest heaving as he leans forward menacingly, his jaw clenched. 

you let yourself smile up at him, "or what, Mr. Miller?" you ask kindly, voice dripping with perfidious innocence. 

he sneers, eyes raking over your form, jaw ticking. your body flushes with warmth under his scrutinous gaze; one of your bare legs slides up to rest on the chair next to you, on full display snd illuminated in the light of the kitchen as you smirk at him. his dark chocolate gaze slides over the skin revealed; your skin tingles in excitement under his watch. it makes you chuckle. 

"what, you don't like the way I speak?" you hiss, glaring at him. "chastising me for shit that you do, too?" you mutter snidely, pulling your leg back down as his eyes glare into yours. "I'm an adult, you can't tell me what to say. fucking hypocrite."

your hand presses into his chest, standing to your full height. his chest is firm, hot, but he lets you do it easily, moving back out of your space; giving you an out, offering you a chance to say this-isn't-what-I-want. but you won't take it. no, instead you slide up closer to him, until you're too close. 

"why so quiet now, Mr. Miller?" you almost purr, your hand still toying with your switchblade, the glint of it reflecting in his eyes. slowly, you lift the blade to trace it gently, softly over his jawline, as you’d do with your fingers. he watches you like a damn hawk, breathing heavy. 

the scratch of it against the facial hair is enough for him to snap; suddenly snatching the blade from between your fingers in one quick motion. 

“you’re testin’ my patience.” he growls, shaking his head as he holds the handle of the knife in an iron-like grip. you shake your head, “yeah, well, you’ve taken all mine.” you counter. “so…” you start, raising a brow at the knife in his hands, the way your legs are turning to putty, “you going to kill me, Mr. Miller? or fuck me?” you whisper it into his ear, up on the tips of your toes as the peppering-gray curls at the base of his ear tickle your lips.

a sharp exhale - almost a surrender. then, a rough hand pushes you down against the table, hard. your body is pliant, willing, excited as his force brings you to thud against the wood, his hand flying down quick just to your right in a loud thud.

your head snaps to your right, eyes wide and jaw open; your switchblade pins your own flannel to the table, stabbed down and holding the material and your arm in place. christ, it barely missed nicking your skin.

“depends on if you can learn some goddamn manners.” he growls, leaning over you, his hips slotting between your thighs.

maybe it’s the look on his face, or just how damn long it’s been since you had someone, or just because it’s Joel – but your facade falls so quick and you’re soon keening up towards him, arching your back so your chest sticks out.

“I’m a fast learner.” you promise; at that, he merely hums, his hips grinding slow over yours. you let your eyes squeeze shut, groaning lightly at the bliss of his rough denim sliding against your shorts-clad cunt, throbbing with desire.

you’re breathless; shivers cascade down your spine at the press of his hips against yours, licking your lips to wet them; “fuck, Joel-“ your breath is strangled, “please. I can be good for you.” you try to convince him, blinking your eyes up at him. his smirk is downright evil as his hands fall to your top, skating over the tops of your breasts before one hand grips your jaw in his large palm, squeezing hard onto your cheeks and forcing you to stare into his eyes.

his grip is unforgiving. “y’think you can jus’ bat those pretty eyes at me?” he sneers, his breath hot and fanning over your face. you’re overheating- god, it’s so fucking hot in your house; your hand raises to grip his forearm, swallowing your pride for the sake for finally getting to feel him inside you, “’m sorry, Joel.” you mutter, cheeks squished by his hand.

his brow furrows, shaking his head. a chastising tutting noise escapes his throat as he rolls his hips, grinding sloooow and smooth against your dripping cunt, aching with desire.

“no, you’re fucking not.” he spits, pushing you harder against the table. your throat is dry, a whimper of desire escaping your throat. his lips brush the shell of your ear as he leans more of his weight on you, your legs wrapping around his hips and your own surging up, up in search for some friction, “say it. say you’re not sorry. you like it, I can tell.”

shivers spill down your spine as you bite back a moan, cheeks alight with heat at his teasing. Your eyes lull over towards the blade that holds down your shoulder, pinning you against the table. a hot rush of arousal floods your underwear as you swallow, eyes rising to meet his in a lidded gaze. 

“I like it,” you admit in a shameful gasp, hand sliding up to explore his chest, “I’m- I’m not sorry. I like it, ‘m not sorry.” you mutter, voice desperate, pathetic; you’re swallowing a whimper as he grinds slowly against you again, his hardened cock straining against his jeans.

 his hand snaps to pin yours down to the edge of the table; your eyes snap up to his, meeting the swirling lust within his deep eyes, searching your face with a dangerous smirk. “you aren’t sorry?” he asks, voice dripping with condescending cockiness.

you shake your head no desperately, searching his eyes to see if he’s pleased.

he smirks at your desperation. "you will be, darlin’." he mutters, his own eyes exploring your chest as it heaves, breasts barely spilling out the top of your tank top’s hem. you smile up at him despite your desperation; hunger curls in your chest as you move your hips up against him and his face falters, a groan escaping his throat. his eyes swirl with the dark shine of a man who is nothing less than dangerous. 

the hand that isn’t pinned by the blade creeps up his arm, brushing the thick cords of muscle that rope his bicep and shoulders; soon, though, one of his hands is gripping your wrist and slamming it down against the edge of the table.

you gasp from the roughness, biting your lip as your fingers curls around the edge and hold tight under his grip.

“don’t move your hands,” he mutters as his lips dip low to trace over the seam of your top, breath brushing over the soft skin of your breasts. “or I’ll leave you here, pinned to this table.”

arousal floods you at his words and you nod silently, swallowing as his teeth bite roughly at your pressure point. “d’you hear me, girl?” he grunts, his hands moving to pull out one of your breasts from your top, your peaked nipple instantly tugged between his prying fingers.

you let out a yelp at the sensation and he huffs against your skin, biting again. “fuck,” you whimper loudly, bucking your hips as your hands grip tight against the edge of the table; one arm is pinned with the knife anyways, but your heart thunders as his tongue peaks out, brushing hot against your sweat-sheened skin.

A hand snakes to your throat and you can’t stop the moan you let out, air sucking through your windpipe at the light grip he keeps; you’re obsessed with how all-consuming he is.

Joel’s everywhere – his smell, his eyes, his hands, tongue – you want him to be inside you, you want him to be in you forever, ever, ever.

fuck Joel Miller. fuck him, and fuck him.

“I asked you something. answer me.” he squeezes your throat as he emphasizes, as he demands you; you buck up against him, convinced you’re soaking through your goddamn shorts, leaving disgusting proof of your sick, twisted arousal as you move against his crotch.

his dominance causes your face to flare with heat; you weren’t expecting him to seduce you into submission - you love it. “y-yes, yes, sir. I he-heard you.” you gasp, face flushing hot as the words leave you. he smirks darkly as he pulls away from you, danger lurking in his eyes deliciously as he nods, seemingly pleased.

he nods. “good.”

his hips are gone from you in an instant and your gasp is choked – but he wastes no time in popping the button on your jeans, sliding them and your underwear off of you in one long motion.

his pupils somehow blow even wider as he stands in front of you, palming his thick cock through his jeans, watching you pant hard.

you’re exposed in front of him – your pussy is swollen with need, pulsing with desire as one of your breasts rests exposed to the air as the knife pins you down by the arm of your flannel; you’re fucking exposed and you love it. he’s intoxicating.

 “you’re soaked.” he says after a moment of silence so long that you barely register his gruff voice. you blink, bringing your eyes back up to his from where he’s begun to undo his belt.

you can’t help the light smirk as you stare up at him, “maybe I happen to like it when you’re vulgar with me.”

he glares at you but there’s a hint of something more that flashes through his eyes; adoration? no, it couldn’t be. Joel Miller can’t adore anything.

but then out of nowhere his fingers delve through your velvet, slippery folds in a fervor; your breath chokes yet again in your lungs as you tense with the sudden stimulation.

a low, guttural moan falls from your lips as the pads of his middle and ring fingers rub tight, slow circles on your clit, “bet you taste so good, don’t you?” he murmurs, his teeth finding purchase upon your neck, sucking a mark so hard you’re sure you’ll have it for weeks. christ. “y’want me to taste you, pretty girl?”

fuck. images flash through your mind of him on his knees, tongue unraveling you, drowning in you while your thighs close around those thick greying curls.

your moan falls from you fast, nodding quick, “yes, yes, please, please, use your mouth.“ your whines are downright embarrassing – you’re not a wide-eyed virgin teen, for fuck’s sake – but Joel’s stirring you just right, making you purr with pleasure.

but instead of his tongue, a harsh swat falls onto your aching cunt and your hips jolt at the stimulation, your clit throbbing and the sting making you groan his name. you can’t help the moan of disappointment.

“well, isn’t that too bad?” he snarls, his voice mean. you feel tears of frustration spring in your eyeline as you huff a sigh, his fingers slowly, torturously moving over your clit yet again. “bet you’d love if I ate your cunt. probably dream about it, don’t ya? d’you think about me when you touch yourself?”

Christ, you’d never expected Joel-don’t-fucking-talk-to-me-Miller to be so fucking dirty; but you learned your lesson last time, so you nod quick, eyes lidded through the euphoric, teasing pleasure from the pads of his fingers.

“all-all the time, J-Joel, fuck, think about you all the time.”

and it’s true.

“that’s right. my slut, thinkin’ about me.” he spits, mouth peppering bites over your throat. “gonna have to make y’cum fast, baby. Maria’s probably waiting for us t’turn in the logs.”

the possession in his voice brings you even further towards the edge, catapulting you, sending you frustratingly close as your body tenses, puckering hole clenching around nothing as he slowly works you.

you nod your head, unable to open your eyes as your legs close around Joel’s fingers; in anger, his hand tears your thighs apart, swatting the soft skin of your thighs in punishment. you yelp at the sting, biting your lip as a new gush of arousal leaks from your neglected hole and drips down onto the table.

fueled by frustration and adrenaline and some desperate fire of attraction that’s been burning between you since he first showed up in Jackson, you nearly scream, “please, fuck me now, Joel, please I’ll do anything-“

his hand leaves his ministrations quick, his glare sharp as his fingers glisten with your desperate arousal; they’re soaked. you feel yourself flush in embarrassment until he smirks darkly, tugging himself out of the confines of his jeans. “there, see? learnin’ some manners.”

his cock is heavy and thick as it slides through your wet, slick folds. your breath, panting out and puffing as you watch in awe. his: stuttering as the tip of his dick notches at your clenching hole, teasing.

“Jesus, you’re trying t-to swallow me, darlin’.” His hand reaches out, grabbing a palm full of your tit as he rocks his hips, once again nudging your leaking hole.

your whole body shivers in anticipation; you will your eyes to not reveal how fucking turned on you are about his size - you’re more wet than you’ve ever been in your life and his cock is - well, it’s thick, long, bigger than you’d like to admit. 

“greedy fuckin’ pussy.” he grunts to himself as you hold yourself as still as possibly, one tear escaping as you your eyes clench shut in desire.

“’m ready, Joel.” you whimper, eyes opening to find his hot gaze already searing through you; he just smirks, nodding slightly. “yeah, bet you are, pretty girl.”

he can’t thrust all the way into you, not fully- his cock is too thick, your cunt slick with arousal but still so goddamn tight. the rumbling moan he lets out as he inches in slowly is fucking heavenly.

a strangled gasp leaves your lips when he starts to slide into you, inch-by-inch, stretching you open and filling you full of him. your fingers twitch at your sides as you yearn to card your fingers through his thick curls; his head falls heavy against your chest as he mutters, “s’tight, baby, fu-fuckin’ tight.”

“so much,” you whimper, fingers tight and shaking as you restrain from grabbing his arms to stabilize himself, “‘s too much.” you mumble, tears stinging. he hums, the ghost of a kiss over your cheek before he’s in your ear, whispering, “am I too big for you, baby? gonna hav’ta work you open on my fingers first next time, yeah?”

his dark grin grows as you nod your head dumbly, “fuck- yeah, yes.” you agree, nodding,

his voice is starting to slur, accent getting thicker as he soon splits you fully, speared and sheathed deep, deep into you. you’re fluttering around him as you accommodate to his size, the feeling of him nearly breaking you open as he starts to shallowly thrust.

you let out a loud moan, his thickness stretching you and sliding deeper than expected, kissing against a spot that has you keening. your toes curl and your head falls back as he pulls out, thrusting back into you slow, grinding, deep.

all you can say is his name; it falls from your lips like it’s the only word you know, his hips soon pistoning into you with fervor, chasing the feeling coiling in your abdomen. 

his hands roam. 

they explore every part of you they can reach, his teeth marking every inch of your throat and painting you into a beautiful piece of art. for him. 

the noise of your pussy swallowing his girth in is downright filthy as it echoes through your kitchen; your head lulls to the side as you let out a languid moan, the spot he's hitting making your eyes roll back. you can feel stray tears leak down your cheeks, hot and heavy as you whimper in desire; you're so goddamn close, already, you know he can feel it. 

“y’gonna-“ he grunts, eyes screwed shut in pleasure as yours leak down your cheeks, body shaking with desire, “-gonna take my cock and say thank you, ‘s that right?”

a shaking rush of arousal just slickens you even more; the sounds of his body rocking into yours wet and loud in the room as you nod frantically, the pleasure coiling dangerously fast. 

but it seems you weren’t quick enough with your response: Joel’s hips slow, then stop completely. 

you’re left gasping, eyes wide as you stare up at him in shock: “wh-why?” you whimper, his pulsing length half out of you, teasing you. 

Joel’s eyes meet your own and he sternly swats your tits, eyes watching as the breast exposed to the air moves in recoil. 

“do you want to cum?” he asks, as if he’s asking what 2 + 2 is. your face fucking burns as you nod, “yes-“ 

but he grunts, hips too agonizingly still as he leans forward, “then take my cock, fuck yourself on it. and use your fuckin’ manners.”

you blink at him, spurring into action only after a very brief short-circuited moment. your hips stutter and shake at the angle, unable to move in a way that stimulates yourself enough to bring you back to the edge.

you shutter, muttering, “th-thank- thank you,” but you can’t do it. you glare at him as you move your hips, hands shaking, muscles straining, but you can tell he’s not pleased: brows drawn, a swat to your exposed breast that stings and spurs your hips quicker.

“come on, this is pathetic.” he snarls, fingers gently pinching your clit. the yelp you let out is dry, starved. “why so quiet now, darlin’?” he throws your own words back at you deliciously. 

he stands stationary, eyes judging you, focused on where your cunt tries to swallow his cock, your movements choppy and weak. tears spring in your eyes; he feels so good, but you just can’t get it right. 

“please.” you nearly whisper it, but it’s exactly what he was looking for. he rocks his hips shallowly, your body rocking gently with the slow, deep force of him splitting you open. 

“please, what?” he whispers into your ear, teeth scraping your jaw. resentment and arousal flows through your veins as you let out a strangles, “please, s-sir-“ 

with the words, Joel’s hips cant up into you, the slight angle making your legs coil and your throat burn. 

“please fuck me, y’feel- I can’t do it, need- you feel so good, fuck me hard, please, I want it.” you let go, begging and desperate to give you what you crave. 

his hips pick up a brutal pace. your back is pounded into the wood below you, the cool blade of the knife cold against your flannel as one of his large hands moves you until your legs are thrown up, over his shoulders.

the stretch is unimaginable and he doesn’t give you any time to adjust; his hips are unforgiving, fucking you open and letting your juices of arousal spill over the skin of your thighs and onto the table. 

“such a foul fuckin’ mouth on you.” he spits, one hand gripping your jaw until it opens for him, your mind clouded with the chase of your highs. 

he spits into your mouth, saliva warm and intoxicating as you swallow it happily, nodding in a daze. “gonna fuck you stupid, aren’t I? you won’t think about anything but me for weeks.” 

he’s right, and he fucking knows it. 

you nod at him, unable to form full words as he hits the spongy, delicious spot inside you that nearly makes you pass out. your hands fucking ache from the grip on the table, but you hope he’s pleased that they haven’t moved a damn inch this whole time; even as he splits you wide open and takes you apart. 

you’re so close you might actually start to sob as the crest of your orgasm tingles your thighs, your toes curling and legs shaking. 

he's close, too. his thrusts are getting slower, sloppier. 

“whose pussy is this?” Joel grunts, his movements soon desperate and deep; his tip kisses your cervix and your body jolts up the table with each movement of his pubic bone against yours.

the pain is fucking euphoric, delicious as you grip the edge of the table so hard you’re unsure they’ll ever relax. his finger pinches your nipple and you yelp, sweat sticking to your forehead, “-y-yours, fuck, Joel- yours, a-always.” you whimper, breathless.

you feel his smile grow against your neck and the butterflies that grow in your chest seem out of place with the bruises that will soon blossom on your skin from his teeth, his fingers.

you smile, too.

"god, you're perfect- f-feel fuckin' perfect around me, baby. need you to cum." as his sentence ends, his head jerks up, one hand rising to grip your jaw tight. your eyes snap to his and the anger boils, festering with the desire and lust within his eyes, "know y'can't help it, can you?" 

you shake your head fiercely as your orgasm nears. he hums deep, a rumble from his chest, “what do you say if you want me to let you cum?” 

fuck. fuckfuckfuck you’re too close- your muddled mind spits a barely cohesive babble of pleads, “please, p-pleaseplease I-I’m sorry I’m sorry-“ 

“you’re sorry?” he presses, hips not giving up; your whole body burns as you wait for your orgasm, knowing in any second it’ll be ruined. “look at those pretty eyes. did y’learn your manners? y’gonna say thank you?” 

you let out a sob of pleasure, his thrusts so deep you can feel them in your throat. “yes, Joel- please- let me cum, please-“ 

his hand slides to your throat. “cum now.” 

you swallow around his grip and let out a near scream of his name as his other hand snakes between you; a finger brushes against your abused clit, the combined stimulation pushing you over the edge. 

you see colors. 

your orgasm explodes as you gush around him, pulsing, begging, unraveling around his touch. your voice is broken, mutters and whimpers of his name followed by thank you, thank you drifting through the room.

your thighs are soaked with your own spend and he feels you grip him like a vice; he can't help but kiss the tears from your cheeks as he milks you through your orgasm, muttering soft grunts in your ear. 

"that's it, baby. there y'go, cum on my dick when i fuckin' tell you to." he kisses the column of your throat as his thrusts slow to deep, long thrusts. "atta girl." 

you scream at his words and the overstimulation. he shushes you, thrusts slow. "'m gonna cum." he sounds almost desperate, his body so close to yours it's almost like he's trying to smother you.

he groans your name in a broken sound; his grip tugging your hair. he moves back, frantic to pull out and ride his high- but you panic. 

"w-wait!" you rush, hands springing without thinking to push his hips hard against yours. you can't bear to imagine him pulling out of you so soon - you need to feel him, be full of him. "cum in me, Joel- I need it, j-just- fuck!" 

his hand slams over your mouth, effectively silencing you with a loud grunt of his own, "shut the fuck up," he growls, sounding too close. “jesus, girl- gonna wake up the whole n-neighborhood-“ but even his shamefully dirty mouth falters when he chases his orgasm.

soon he thrusts shallowly into your pulsing cunt before he's moaning, spurting his seed into you. 

hot, thick ropes of cum paint your walls as you flutter, whimpering as you breathe heavy, hands skittering up his back despite his earlier orders. 

his lips brush over your skin as he lies on you, heavy; "jesus christ." is all he mutters, pulling out of you with a slick sound and tucking himself into his jeans. 

you can only stare at the ceiling, the light above the table you’re laid upon swinging with the residual force of your bodies colliding.

a hand falls in a sharp thud to your right, pulling hard to dislodge the knife from its home against you; the notch it leaves reveals the patrol log; speared in the middle with the evidence of you and Joel's digressions. 

oops.

you're wrecked. you're a trembling frame of a structure after the hurricane of Joel Miller took threw you, stripping you to your bare bones. a ghost of lips over the inside skin of your knees as they fall, weak, off of his shoulders. and then he stares at you as you shakily sit up, setting your clothes right, swallowing on a raw throat. 

“‘m sorry about the flannel.” he gestures to the rip in your arm where the knife had pinned you down and something about it makes you chuckle, smoothing down your hair. “are you- are you okay?” he asks suddenly, hard eyes looking almost soft under the glow of the lamplight.

he hands you your underwear and jeans and helps you slide back into them in a surprisingly sweet turn of events.

“more than okay, christ. if you make me cum like that again you can do anything you want to my clothes.” you wink with a deep breath, smiling gently at him when he helps you stand back up on shaky legs. he actually sends you a half-smirk at that, and it flutters along your chest. 

the nighttime air is not so suffocating as you and Joel make your way towards Maria, his hand grazing over the small of your back as you walk on Jell-o legs, faces flushed and sweat slicking to your skin.

it’s awkward.

“I-” he starts, swallowing air as you stare up at him. sweat trickles from his brow and you itch to trace it with your tongue. 

“I actually think you’re not too bad,” he finishes, turning to walk up the steps to Tommy and Maria’s. you blink, heat fluttering in your chest as he admits, but soon whirls around to ensure you hear him, “for Ellie. just- don’t do that shit around her, right?” he clarifies.

you grin at his reddened cheeks as he tucks the log into the box set near the door, filing it under the western outpost for the date. 

“yes, Mr. Miller.” you mock-salute him, smirking to yourself as his flush deepens, the scowl ever-present on his face softening slightly at your smile. 

“christ.” he shakes his head, “you’re gonna get me into a lot of trouble.” you don’t miss the smile that creeps on his face as he starts to walk you back home. 

--

read part 2

requests open

--

[sunny44]

Ruin it

Pairing: Max Verstappen x journalist!reader

Warnings: SMUT, cuss words, cheating and probably other things.

Summary: You and max were always teasing each other and over the years it turned into a huge sexual tension, until the fights of all the years and the accumulated lust turned into one long night of great sex.

Next chapter

Max Verstappen.

We certainly had our moments.

Max and I used to race in go-karts together with Charles, Pierre, Alex and a few other drivers from the current grid and he hated the fact that I always beat him.

Which means he hated me too.

Over the years our fights became teasing and a huge sexual tension that we both realized but pretended we didn't since Max was with Kelly and for obvious reasons she didn't like me either.

Over time I realized that karting was just a hobby that I enjoyed so I didn't invest in a racing career and went into journalism becoming a formula 1 reporter.

We were in Vegas for the first Grand Prix in the city and I was very excited, especially as today it could be decided between Max and Charles who would be the world champion.

The cars were lined up in their positions and when the red lights went out the chaos started, at the first lap we lost George, Magnussen, Piastri and Ocon.

On lap 34 Charles takes Max's position taking first place and me as a reporter who can't have favorites follow me too much not to celebrate in front of everyone.

Charles was my friend and I really wanted him to win but I think I wanted Max to lose much more.

But unfortunately in the end Max passed Charles and became 3 times world champion.

The podium was fast, the champagne looked great and now I was here doing the interviews with the drivers and finally my arch enemy appears.

"Well Max we can say it was a great day for you today."

"Absolutely, we were flying."

"How does it feel to have become Formula 1 world champion for the third time?"

"I'm very happy, this result means that all the hard work team and I have put in over the year has not been in vain and now I'm looking forward to having a drink and celebrating."

"That's great, hope you have an amazing night and we see you next year." He smiles and waves leaving."Well guys that was 3 time world champion Max Verstappen, I'm

Y/n y/l/n and we end our 2023 season, see you next year."

They turn off the camera and I thank the whole team and pick up my things leaving when someone calls out to me.

"I could almost see the look of disgust on your face, lucky it's only me."

"Don't you have a party to go to?" I ask turning around and seeing Max.

"We do and it's at the Plaza, your name is on the list in case you want to go."

"And why would I go?"

"To celebrate that I won."

"I wasn't rooting for you to win."

"I know, and you have no idea how much that motivated me to win." He says stepping close to me. "I'm counting on you being there."

"Your girlfriend doesn't mind you being here trying to convince me to come to your little party?"

"She's not the boss of me and she didn't come to the race."

"Got it, I hope you have a bad night." I say walking out and just hear him yell one back.

...

I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling with a lot of boredom thinking about the party Max had invited me to. Obviously I didn't want to go somewhere where he was but staying here in the room alone while I could be there drinking and having fun was also not an option.

So I got ready and asked for an Uber to the place where the party was going to be, I gave my name at the entrance and they said I was in the VIP area which I wouldn't go because obviously there would be few people and Max would be one of them.

I went to the bar to get something to drink and I felt a presence behind me and when I turned around to see who it was I saw only his chest and I looked up and Max was there with those damn blue eyes that I could spend the day looking at.

"I thought you said you weren't coming."

"Yeah but I was lying naked in my hotel bed with nothing to do so I thought a free drink wouldn't be a bad idea."

"I have lots of ideas of what you could have done naked in your hotel bed." He says coming closer.

"And are you in any of them?"

"Maybe."

"Then put it out of your mind because as far as I know you're committed to miss I’m dating an f1 champion."

"Imagining is not cheating as far as I know."

"If you say so." I downed my drink and looked at him. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go dance and maybe find someone to take me back to my hotel room."

…

The party was great and I was sweaty from dancing, I went to get a drink of water and saw Daniel coming towards me.

"Can I ask you a favor?" He says taking a deep breath after seemingly circling the whole party looking for me.

"Sure."

"Can you take Max back to the hotel? I already tried but he said he won't leave unless he goes with you."

"Fucking hell." I say following him and see Max drunkenly calling my name.

"There you are." He gets up and almost goes but I hold him back. "Where have you been all party?"

"Having fun far away from you."

"Ouch." He runs his hand over my face, taking away the hair that was there. "Wow, you're so beautiful."

"Thanks, let's go."

After a lot of effort we managed to get to the hotel, I couldn't find his room keys and Max muttered something about them being with Daniel so I took his hand and we walked to my room, he was already much better since the city traffic was crazy and took us an hour to get here, he was still a little altered but he knew what he was doing.

"Are you going to let me sleep in your room?"

"Well I'm not going to go chasing someone to get another key to your room and I'm not going to let you leave like that either so it looks like we don't have any other option."

That said I go to get my pajamas but when I went to pass he put his hands around my waist and put his face close to mine.

"You're beautiful you know that right?"

"You already said that, like a while ago."

"I know but I wanted to say it again." I hated it when he looked me straight in the eye because I couldn't look away from those damn blue eyes.

"I hate it when you stare at me."

"Why?"

"Because I hate that I can't stop looking into your eyes."

"Good, because I don't want you to stop looking at them." He comes even closer. "Do you even know how hard I'm trying not to ruin my relationship right now?"

"Ruin it." I say without even thinking.

"What?" he asks shocked.

"I said ruin it."

Max and I start kissing and at the same time his tongue enters my mouth, it was a wild kiss that I could not separate even if I wanted to.

We walk without separating the kiss to the bed where he lays me down and gets on top of me.

One of his hands was on my face and my hands pass through his back going to the hem of his shirt trying to take it off.

He understands my gesture and takes off his shirt and he stops for a few seconds and just stares at me before taking off my blouse and starts kissing down to my neck and my breast.

I lift my back from the bed for him to open my bra and Max wastes no time in starting to suck my breast making me squirm on the bed.

He goes down the kisses to my belly and with his hands squeezes my breasts, he kisses my pussy still covered with the thin lace of my black pantries and soon removes all my clothes leaving me completely naked.

He kisses my thighs and starts massaging my clit with his fingertips making me moan and soon I feel his tongue on my pussy making quick movements.

He stared at me and the exchange of glances was what was making the environment even hotter than it already was.

I raise my hips giving him access to all my pussy and he holds my hips and leaves a strong grip on my ass, then he sticks two fingers inside my pussy without cutting the movement of his mouth.

"Fuck." I grumble trying to hold back my moans. "Keep doing it like that, that's how I want it."

He adds a third finger and I can't control any more moans, they are getting louder and louder.

I feel my legs starting to shake, signaling that I'm going to come at any moment.

I warn him and he intensifies his movements until I reach my limit.

He swallows my cum and continues in my pussy until he starts kissing my whole body, leaving some hickeys on my breast and going to my neck and reaching my ear.

"I knew one day I would make you scream my name in the middle of the night." he bites my lobe and kisses my mouth again.

I take off the bottom of his clothes, also leaving him naked, and switch our positions getting on top of him.

I sit on his lap and start to make a delicious friction in our intimacies hearing a muffled moan from the blond and his cock getting more and more bigger.

He holds my neck tight and makes me lie completely on top of him while he attacks my lips.

I stop the kiss and make a trail of kisses down his neck leaving some hickeys on the way until I reach his cock and kiss the tip.

When I was about to start sucking his cock, Max holds my hair tightly and starts making the movements himself making me choke a few times, his moans were getting louder and louder when he increases the movements and cums in my mouth.

I don't usually swallow, but this time I did it without thinking twice.

"How about you sitting on my face?" I walk over to him and sit on his face.

I hold onto the headboard, making back and forth movements while he sucks me and holds my breasts tight while I go up and down doing all the work while his tongue remains still.

He stops sucking me and I sit back on his lap as he looks at me, seeming to have an idea.

"I want to fuck you in a different way." he says in his sexy voice. "Face the window, I want everyone to see that you're mine tonight."

I do as he asks thanking that my room is on the second to last floor because they would never be able to see that it's the two of us.

"Good girl, now I'm going to fuck you, but you choose." He grabs my neck. "Do you want it tender or do you want a fuck with all the positions we can handle?"

"Fuck me hard, make me yours." I try to turn towards him but he won't let me.

"Your wish is my command schatz." he begins to fit his cock in my intimacy.

At that time I didn't care about anything, I didn't care that it was him, I didn't care that we were having sex let alone that he had a girlfriend that he was cheating on right now.

Soon he begins to give strong strokes in and out of me holding my neck with one hand as he squeezes my breast with de other.

He gets out of me and turns me over, putting my back against the window and grabbing my legs with his arms and fitting his member into me again in a strong and aggressive way.

The thrusts continue stronger and stronger and the only noises we hear in the room is our bodies colliding and heavy breathing.

We try to hold back our moans but every exit and entry inside me makes me want to scream his name.

I pull him into a kiss and he bites my bottom lip and still kissing me, Max leads me to the bed leaving my back against the mattress and him on top of me fucking me like it's the last thing he would do.

The last thing we would ever do.

Due to lack of air we stop the kiss and my hands go to his back leaving several scratches, I see him staring at me while I call his name.

I announce my apex to him who is also reaching his.

When I reach my limit and he continues inside me going faster and faster making me scream for him until he comes.

He gets out of me and I change position to doggy and he leaves a slap on my ass, entering me again and going slowly to torture me, until he increases the speed.

He squeezes my breasts and massages my nipple.

He pulls out of me and lies down pulling me to sit on his lap.

I fit his member inside me and start to ride slowly while he squeezes my waist and I start to move up and down when taking his member out of me, until we cum again and I fall tired on his chest.

He leaves a kiss on my forehead and keeps messing with my hair without changing position.

After a while of caresses between the two of us, we left and went straight to the bathroom, he discarded the condom while I went into the shower but he came after, I was on my back to him when he takes my wet hair off my neck and starts kissing him all over and turns me to him starting to kiss my mouth leaning me against the wall while the hot water falls on both of us.

He goes down and leaves a hickey in the middle of my breasts and goes down the kisses and penetrates me with three fingers, I put my hand on my mouth to contain the moans while he fucks me once again.

Soon he leaves a kiss on my pussy and goes back up making a trail of kisses through my body and he lifts my left leg and fucks me mercilessly.

With each thrust he says how beautiful I am and what a wonderful woman I was.

He bites my ear and my nipple in a pleasurable way, while his hands are on my ass.

He squeezes and moans softly in my ear, until together we reach our limit.

We shower together while he washes my hair and I do the same with him.

Leaving the shower, Max put on his underwear and I took his blouse and my panties and put them on too.

When we lay down he pulled me on top of him and soon he was asleep but I kept thinking about how we would react tomorrow morning after we recounted the conscience of our deeds, but honestly I wasn't going to lose my sleep thinking about it now, it was already done and I decided that tomorrow I would worry about it.

This is probably going to have more parts so let me know if you want to be tagged in the next ones.

[devildomditzy]

Wincing, you continue to wrap the mess of bandages around your damaged hand. Sure, you weren’t new to teleportation, and you can't even begin to count the times where Solomon failed to remind you to “stick the landing”, but you’re not sure if teleportation through time played by the same rules.

You’re lucky. Mammon caught you before you could hit the ground, because of course he does. Hell, just last week he caught you before you could trip your clumsy ass down the stairs in the hallway. Even in non threatening situations, his intuition to protect you over all else shone through his tough guy façade.

You instantly clung to him, because well, it’s him. Once you both landed, you leaned into his embrace. Though by now you were used to random cases of danger invading your daily life in the Devildom, plummeting from the sky unexpectedly is still enough to shake you up.

You let out a stuttering breath.

“Thanks, Mammon. I have absolutely no idea how I teleported up there. Maybe I don’t have as good a grip on my sorcery as I thought.”

You look up at him with a small smile, the one you know drives him crazy.

He returns it with a blank stare.

“How’d ya know my name?”

Something was clearly wrong.

“Not to be facetious, but I could heal that for you, you know. You could heal that for you.”

You glare up from your spot on the bed to make eye contact with Solomon.

“Gee, thanks for the reminder.”

His lips purse together in a thin line in a valiant attempt to hold back his laughter as he steps closer to you.

“You’ve got to admit, though unexpected, this turn of events is quite humorous, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m thousands of years in the past, my friends and boyfriend don’t recognize me, and I’ve only got you to keep me company. Hilarious.”

His lips upturn in a devious smirk. You hate that smirk.

“Aw, is it so bad to have to live with me? We’ve got all of Cocytus Hall to ourselves. I could wake up everyday and cook breakfast-"

“Please don’t.”

“We can divide up the chores, it’ll be like we’re newlyweds.”

Your wrapping halts so that you could look up at the pain in your ass. You need to ensure he sees the way you scrunch up your face in disgust.

“If I wasn’t in so much pain I’d slap you, but I won’t, consider it a favor.”

You continue wrapping the roll around your palm tightly, just like Mammon had taught you, as he did once before, right after you’d just met. A moment you remembered fondly, one of the first times that he hinted that he might see you as more than a friend. Even if he had a weird way of showing it. The thought makes you smile.

“Well, can we consider it a favor that I followed you all the way out here to ensure your wellbeing?”

You roll your eyes so hard he could probably hear them moving in your skull.

“Oh please, it’s you we’re talking about. There has to be some ulterior motive.”

He seems to pretend to ponder for a bit before tilting his head to the side.

“Ah, was I really that obvious?”

“Of course you were. 'Solomon the Wise' is anything but subtle,” you say, jeering his silly little nickname in a mocking tone.

A small chuckle shakes his head. “Well, I do really want to keep you safe, and return us back to our time with minimal temporal damage, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested to see what this time period had in store.”

You stop once again to give him a confused side eye. “Didn’t you already live this time period?”

His eyes seem to look a little far off, as they typically do when he’s lost in thought. “It was so long ago, I truly don’t remember much of it.”

“Hmm,” you hum finishing up the last of the wrapping and securing it in place. You attempt to flex your hand to the best of your ability. You swear you heard a pop. Your eyes begin to well up.

“Why aren’t you letting either of us heal you again?”, he questions after seeing your pained expression.

“I told you," you frown looking down at your sorry excuse for first aid. "I need a reminder that this isn’t some convoluted dream, or one of Levi’s weird games.”

“The fact that the brothers don’t remember you isn’t reminder enough?”

You know he’s joking, but Solomon always finds a way to get right under your skin in the worst way.

The tears that once threatened to bubble over begin to fall silently, streaking your face as you purposefully avoid eye contact.

“Ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it, truly.”

You’re both quite for a moment. Surprisingly, the air in the room isn't awkward. It's just... solemn.

He breaks the silence first.

“I know how hard this must be for you, considering how close you all are. To be honest, I'm kind of jealous. So many people care for you so fiercely across all realms.”

You sniffle, wiping your face with the back of your hand.

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me, Sol. It was like I was nothing to him. He didn't even look at me like that the day I met him. ”

He sits down beside you on the bed, pulling an arm around you, allowing you to collapse into him.

“He only looked at you like that because here he doesn’t know you yet. In case you've forgotten, you weren’t exactly born yet,” he teases.

He gets a small chuckle out of you with that one.

As you calm down, you begin to really reflect on what you know, and what he’s told you so far.

“Wait, you mentioned temporal damage before. What did you mean by that?”

“That’s a tricky one. to explain. But I guess to put it in layman's terms; You cannot, no matter what happens, tell anyone that you and I are from the future. Doing so could have dire consequences.”

“Like, it could change how things happened in our time?”

“Precisely.”

“And doing so would cause-”

“Temporal damage, yes.”

You give a dejected sigh. “Doesn’t even matter if I tell them anyway, they’d never believe me.”

“On the off chance that any of them do, or you convince them of the fact, our original timeline could fall apart.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning you might never get to go back to the brothers you know today.”

You can’t hide the worry that flashes on your face, even if it was just for a second. You’re the two most powerful sorcerers the world has seen for a very long time, and yet you feel so powerless.

“I-I can’t really feel them anymore. Their pacts, I mean. They’re so faint. B-But, it worked on Satan! So they have to still be in tact, right?”

Solomon smiles at the little glimmer of hope lighting up your face.

“Yes, it’s true that you haven’t formed your pacts yet in this time period, but you’re still the same you from the present. The invisible bonds you share between yourself and the brothers are still connected.”

“How is that even possible?”

“MC," he sighs, trying to figure out the best way to explain. " You didn’t die in our timeline. You didn’t leave, you didn’t cast any spells or trigger any curse. You were just gone. There only thing I could trace was this slight time distortion, so I went off the only lead I had. I’m glad I did.”

“I’m glad too, or I’m afraid I would be dead by now.”

“If I didn’t go after you, I’d be dead by now too”, he laughs, “The brothers aren’t too forgiving when it comes to you.”

The notion fills you stomach with a warm feeling. A warm, thick, bittersweet feeling.

You still have the boys, but they don’t know you yet.

You still have your magic, but not nearly as strong.

You’re not alone, but neither of you have any inkling on how to get back.

Meanwhile in a place in time thousands of years from where you sit now, seven panicked demons are tearing their realm apart high and low to try to find any trace of you.

[ilovelyneysm07]

Shooting Stars - SAGAU!Lyney x Player Part 2

Summary: Shooting Stars were always a weird occurrence in the world of Teyvat, so when they suddenly stop, certain magician can't help but wonder if it has to do with the strange aching in his chest.

CW: Self Aware AU, NOT Cult AU or Creator AU, Angsty, the Reader is referred as Player, Based on my own Genshin Account, Pretty Self-Indulgent, GN!Player, Cross-posted on AO3, English is not my first language and I'm not an experienced writer

A/N: Heyy, I'm so sorry for the long wait! My hyperfixation on Genshin just died when I got Lyney and I didn't have the motivation to continue this, but I finally got myself to write this. Also, I'm really sorry if this is bad, I got sick last week and I'm getting out of it rn.

Taglist: @crazed-flower @yurislilygarden @yurislotusgarden

The day is finally here, after five months of arduous saving and skipping characters (it was hard), Lyney's first rerun finally sees the light of day. The Player, who’s been waiting patiently for the maintenance to end, opens the game as fast as they could, feeling their heart beat in their throat.

Three hundred and twenty seven wishes. All for that magician they love so much. Oh, how much they regret being inactive from the game when his banner came out. They can only wish that they get him now… and his weapon if they’re lucky enough.

It’s kind of funny how they had to contain themselves from pulling for anyone else (except for Furina, they only pulled because she looked pretty at the moment), it didn't matter if all the new characters powercrept Lyney or if they were better in terms of DPS, for the Player, he was everything they needed, everything they wanted. They just wanted that cat-themed magician in their party and their account.

Seeing the Geo logo finally load, they rush to finish their dailies and change their team to the duo, Freminet and Lynette, and rush towards the Opera Epiclese. It felt like a dream, but the way they felt the keyboard under their fingers told them otherwise. This is pretty much real.

After reaching the designated “wishing spot”, they opened the wishing menu, seeing his splash art alongside the chosen four stars, happy that they can at least get constellations for them. The Player took a deep breath and pressed the “10 pull” button.

—

Lyney was looking at the ceiling in his room, the ache in his chest suddenly feeling harder… painfully so. He sat down in his bed, feeling how the sheets moved due to his weight. The magician sighed, running his hand through his ashy blonde hair while his head was strangely silent, no thoughts, nothing. 

After a failed investigation into the phenomenon of strange falling stars, Lyney was beyond desperate, no one seemed familiar with the ache the magician felt in his chest, even some people looked at him weird, like he was crazy.

Why is it only with him?

Lyney's gaze returned to the ceiling, the zero hope he felt about a possible explanation seemed to fade with each passing second. Was it only his imagination? Was he going insane? It's been five months since those shooting stars last fell, maybe it's time to-

*WAM*

Lyney stood up immediately at the sudden sound that came from outside, quickly dressing up (somehow) and grabbing his bow, he walked outside to see what’s going on and-

The shooting stars were back. The colors returned to the sky and made it pretty again, a purple star falling directly in the Opera Epiclese as he looked in awe. The pain in his chest was getting even more heavy, but he ignored it, lost in the colors of those shooting stars.

Thinking it was over when the purple star fell, another wave came right after, and then another, and another. And another. It became a full shooting star shower, that never happened before

It’s been at least eight or more purple stars when a golden one falls. Its shine lit up all of Fontaine, as the people exited their houses to see the show happening in the blanket of the night. Lyney looked at the golden star with anticipation, while it became bigger and bigger as it fell closer.

Only for it to continue falling towards… Sumeru?

—

The Player stares at their screen in disbelief.

Reached 79 pity only to lose it to Dehya… They sigh in frustration while closing the results of the pull, they still have a lot of wishes left, and now with a guarantee, it will be a lot easier… right?

They sigh again as their friend laughs at their misery on the discord call, deciding to continue the wishing session.

“He will come home, whether he likes it or not…” they mutter to themselves, already feeling pissed off.

—

Lyney thought the shooting stars were over until even more fell from the sky, this time more… fast, than before. Like they were in a rush.

He looked at the purple ones as some fall in the Opera Epiclese and the others go all the way to what appears to be Liyue.

He was starting to get anxious as he then became aware of the pain in his chest again. He felt a pull, like someone was calling for something, calling for him.

And suddenly, another golden star fell from the sky. And instead of going to Sumeru, it was falling dangerously close to him.

Wait, was it falling towards him?!

His body stayed frozen in place as the star fell on him. A golden aura engulfed his entire body and his feet felt light, and… a strange voice appeared on his head.

“Fucking finally, dude. You took your sweet ass time.”

That… was new.

He opened his eyes when the light disappeared, and he found Lynette and Freminet looking at him with a smile. Lyney then realized he was in the Opera Epiclese.

“Wha- how did I-” Lyney muttered, confused at the sudden change in scenery.

“Welcome home, brother. We’ve been waiting for you.” Lynette said with a small smile, the purple aura around her not going unnoticed for Lyney.

“Home? What are you talking about? What is going on?” To say the magician was confused was an understatement. He was beyond lost.

“Uhm, it’s hard to explain but… you’ll understand sooner or later.” Freminet said with a nervous smile and he had Pers in his hands, the little penguin making sounds of joy.

Lyney didn’t know how to react to the confusing sentences his siblings were saying. Or why the world looked so different, so 3D… so- fake. Has the world always looked like that? And what are those numbers in his siblings' heads? Level 40 and Level 80? What in the world does that mean?

“He looks so confused… Do you think he’ll be okay?” Freminet whispered towards Lynette, who was pretty worried for her brother.

“I don’t know… he doesn’t seem to be taking it well.” she says back, and she hears the sounds from the player in her head.

“Aquila Favonia?! Are you serious?! I already have it R2- This banner fucking sucks!”

They must be pulling for Lyney’s weapon, it seems, and it also seems that they’re not doing so well. Lynette sighed when she noticed Lyney’s bewildered expression at the loud voice, before putting a hand on Lyney's shoulder.

“Listen, things might look a little confusing right now, but everything will be okay. The Player is someone really caring and nice, and they really like you.” Lynette says with a calm tone, but also a lot of reassurance. “Why did you think there were no shooting stars in five months? Because they wanted you.”

Lyney looked at her in shock, still processing everything. This.. “Player”, as Lynette called them, was the one behind the shooting stars apparently, and they… wanted him? Really-

“I hate this game, I’m never saving up for another character ever again. Fuck you, Lyney.”

Oh.

“They’re always like this, don’t pay them any mind.” Lynette says with a small frown before sighing again. “It seems their wishing session is over, you should feel some changes in a bit.”

“What changes-”

Before Lyney could process anything, the world around him changed again, the walls (or what he assumed were walls) around him became red, with some fire coming out of the floor, where did Lynette and Freminet go?!

Before he could feel even more confused, he saw them… a person was looking at him and pressing some buttons on what appears to be a… keyboard of sorts.

“If it didn’t take me more than 200 wishes to get you, I’d be happier.” they say with a serious expression but a tired smile slowly creeps in, and he feels himself getting stronger… somehow.

What is this person? And why does he feel so strange when he looks at them?

Even with their tired expression and dark room, he could see affection in their eyes. Affection for him. He remembers Lynette’s words about this “Player” liking him and wanting him for a long time. Was this person the so-called “Player” Lynette was talking about?

If so, then he might consider himself lucky to be favored by this really pretty Player.

“Yeah, I have everything ready to just Level him up and his weapon straight to 90, it did take me a while to get all of the Rainbow Roses though…” they say practically to no one in Lyney’s point of view. Were they not alone in that dark room? Or were they talking to someone via real magic?

Wait, Rainbow Roses? For him?!

Were they collecting Rainbow Roses for him?

The more he thought about it, the more flustered he felt. This person was collecting Rainbow Roses and… materials (he doesn’t know what that means) for him. For this moment alone.

“Hey, is it normal for Lyney to have this idle animation?” they asked when Lyney suddenly grabbed his hat to cover his face a little. He could hear them laugh a little. “That’s so cute, though! Look at him!”

Oh God.

—

[Little Extra]

“I still have a few wishes left, might as well get Lynette C6 since I’m at it.” Lyney hears them while fighting some Hilichurls alongside other people, Kaedehara Kazuha, a wanderer from Inazuma, Bennett, an adventurer from Mondstadt and, surprisingly, Miss Furina. What a strange bunch, Lyney thought.

While the Player made their sudden wishing session, Lyney sat down on a nearby rock. It’s been 30 minutes since he’s been pulled into this weird situation and he’s still processing everything. Heck, it feels even weirder to be in the same “party” as the former Hydro Archon. Was this even allowed? He's not sure himself, but he’ll just go along with everything this strange person does for the time being, Freminet and Lynette seem to trust them, so he might as well give it a shot-

“What the fuck?!” Lyney was startled when the Player suddenly screamed, he looked up and saw a sudden golden star fall on him.

He felt a burning pain in his right arm, he pulled up his sleeve to see a strange pattern in his skin. C1? What does that mean?

He remembers hearing the Player say something about “Lynette’s C6”, but he has no idea what any of that even means.

“Constellation.” He hears Kazuha say by his side, a calm expression on his face. “It means Constellation. When the Player gets lucky and the stars fall on one of us again, our “Constellation” increases. C6 being the highest.” Kazuha explains, although it’s just what he heard. “For example, me and Miss Furina are C0 since the shooting star only fell on us once. Bennett over there is C4 since the shooting star fell on him 5 times.”

“I see…” Lyney says with a smile. “Well thank you-”

“No fucking way!” he gets startled again by the scream. And before he could react, another golden star falls on him, and the pattern changes to C2.

Kazuha looks at him with a smile. “Wow, signature weapon, C2… you really are the Player’s favorite!”

Lyney just laughs, his cheeks a bit red. “Oh come on, they don’t love me that much-”

“I love you so much, Lyney! I’m so sorry I said otherwise!” Lyney gets even more flustered at that, making Kazuha laugh even more.

This was certainly a weird experience, but… it felt good.

[pitchsidestories]

we'll always have Paris II Élisa de Almeida x GERWNT! Reader

masterlist I word count: 1292

a/n: hi, this oneshot was requested, to the one who sent it in, sorry that it took so long.

It was France versus Germany in the half final of the Women’s Nations League. In this match you were playing against a lot of your teammates but also your girlfriend from Paris Saint-Germany. Each team just had finished singing their national hymns, so it was time for you to shake the hands of your opponents.

“Ohh, your amour is starting to walk to us.”, Laura Freigang who was standing right before you in line, turned her face to comment with a huge smirk on her lips.  Much to your own annoyance Sydney Lohmann made kissing noises to highlight the Eintracht Frankfurt players observation.

“Shut it, Lau and Syd.”, you rolled your eyes at them before turning your attention to your girlfriend who was about to take your hands in hers.

“Salut, Élisa.”

“Salut.”, Élisa greeted you accompanied with a boyish wink.

“I’m going to puke!”, Laura who was bad at staying quiet for too long exclaimed jokingly.

“Don’t forget you play for our side because of that French charmer.”, Sydney reminded you grinning.

“I’ll never forget that.”, you replied sincerely.

“They think you’re that unprofessional?”, your girlfriend rose her eyebrows in surprise.

Clearing your throat, you told her:” Get to your position De Almeida. We’re here to play.”

“Whatever you say, mon amour. I’ll make sure to lift my shirt enough times to distract you with my abs.”, she smiled cheekily at you.

“That won’t work, ma chéri.”, you answered confidently.

“We’ll see about that.”

“Good, luck babe.”, you said before you both turned to your starting position on the pitch waiting for the referee to start the match.

During the game, it was still 0:0 at that time, Sara Doorsoun whispered amused into your ear:” Y/n, the abs of your girlfriend, she’s kind of hot.”

“Stop it, Sara and please stay focused.”, you replied laughing.

“I’m focused.”, the older defender stated.

“Good.”, you nodded satisfied.

“But not bad.”

“Sara!”, you yelled at her.

“Just saying.”, she responded sheepishly smiling.

Secretly, you knew that your teammate was right about your girlfriend, but this was an important game and you always wanted to win even if it was against Élisa. Unfortunately, the football match went in favour of the hosts and Germany lost 2:0.

Exhausted you fell onto your knees after the final whistle of the referee. “We lost.”, you muttered more to yourself than to anyone in particular.

“Shit. You still had a good game.”, Laura tried to cheer you up and padded your shoulder encouragingly.

“And don’t forget we’ve another game to qualify for the Olympics.”, Sydney added.

“Yeah, let’s beat the Netherlands.”, Lena Oberdorf sounded motivated.

“Against Jackies team.”, you remarked, the blonde Dutch was one of yours and your girlfriend closest friends in Paris.

Deep in your own thoughts you didn’t hear Élisa coming, only until she spoke directly to you:” You’ll win the next game.”

“Congrats to your win.”, you mumbled.

The French defender thanked you as she helped to lift you from the ground, so you both could look into each other’s eyes.

You swallowed hard, trying to hide your own disappointment: “You played really great.“

“So did you.“, Élisa replied. Her face was serious. Evidence that she actually meant it and wasn’t just trying to cheer you up.

“That’s what Laura said to.“, you told her.

A small smile appeared on your girlfriends face. With a wink, she reached out and tilted your head upwards with her fingers under your chin: “She didn’t lie to you. Now come on, chin up. You’ll win the next game and qualify for the Olympics.“

“Hopefully.“, you sighed. Your girlfriends optimism was lost on you.

“Also, remember, we’ll always have Paris.“, Élisa grinned, quoting the famous line from the movie Casablanca.

You involuntarily snorted about her dumb joke. “Okay, Humphrey Bogart, I’d like my girlfriend back who gives me a hug and a kiss to make up for this loss.“

Élisa looked at you with a smirk: “A hug and a kiss, huh?“

“Yes. You know, we still have a few days in camp left until we’re back in Paris.“, you said, blinking at her with big innocent eyes.

“And you can’t wait for that long.“, your girlfriend concluded.

“No but if you can, I have to join my team now.“ You pointed over your shoulder where Sydney impatiently bounced on her feet and Laura mimed looking at an invisible watch.

“Okay, come here. One quick kiss.“, Élisa smiled and pulled you close.

You quickly pressed your lips to hers while wrapping your arms around her waist.

“See you in Paris.“, you whispered as you pulled apart.

Lena passed the two of you and grimaced in disgust: “Okay, enough hugs and kisses from the wrong team.“

“Obi, you’re awful!“, you laughed.

Still, you gave your girlfriend one last hug goodbye before following your team mate to the rest of the team.

Sydney determinedly shook her head: “No, she did the right thing.“

You were used to their teasing by now so you only rolled your eyes fondly: “If you girls say so.“

“We do!“, Laura said with emphasis.

You smiled. This team was really something very different than Paris Saint-Germain.

Your second game was against the Netherlands. Whoever won this game would be qualified for the Olympics. The stakes were high and everyone knew it. But your team put on a brilliant performance, beating the Oranje Leeuwinnen with 2:0.

After extensive celebrations the night of the game, you arrived at your apartment in Paris on the next day.

“Hi, I’m home!“, you called, letting your suitcase drop right on the floor. You were still exhilarated from the win.

Élisa appeared from the kitchen: “Hi.“

You crossed the distance to her quickly and jumped right into her arms: “We’re going to the Olympics!“

Laughing, she tried to hold her balance: “I know, I’m so happy for you.“

“Poor Jackie though remind me to invite her to dinner soon.”, you sighed empathetically.

“She’ll be fine, trust me. That’s football. You win some, you lose some. No one should know that better than you.”, the defender reminded you while carrying you to the sofa to place you down on it.

“Yes, it was really a rollercoaster ride.”, you admitted as your girlfriend sat down next to you.

“But with a happy ending.”, Élisa grinned at you.

“Right.”, you nodded enthusiastically.

“Can’t wait to go to Paris with you.”, she muttered.

“Actually, that’s great, we’re already there.”, you joked laughing.

“I meant at the final of the Olympics and you know that.”, the French player corrected you.

Her mentioning the end game made your cheeks turn hot: “I know but I couldn’t resist.”

“The qualification clearly has gotten to your head.”, Élisa teased you.

Swiftly you changed the topic away from football: “So, what should we do now?”

“Oh, I have a few ideas.”, the dark-haired woman answered with a dirty smile on her lips.

“Does this involve the bedroom?”, you asked her cheekily.

“Absolutely.”

“I like that a lot.”, you confessed. The weeks away from each other due to national team duties always made you hungry for your lover’s touch, you could feel the sexual tension rise in air.

“Follow me then.”, Élisa said, holding her hand up for you to grasp it before leading you to your shared bedroom. Seeing the bottle of red wine on the nightstand and the rose petals on the bed send you thrills of excitement through your body.

You might have lost against her in the nations league game, but you knew you won her heart as you followed her to bed, awaiting the kisses and touches you both have missed. Knowing deep inside that Paris and the women you loved were always worth coming back to.

Pictures are from pinterest.

[cheri-2047]

Helloooo do you write for aventurine from hsr?

If you do, would it be possible to request an aventurine x gn reader where he tries to comfort the reader who has religious trauma? If that's a little too complicated then something like aven trying to comfort the reader when they were suddenly reminded about their trauma from parents.

I'm really just desperately trying to make myself feel better 😭 anw the decision is still up to you <3 I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope that you stay safe and healthy, take care!! 💞💐

IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG 😭 I LOST MOTIVATION TO WRITE ANYTHING 😞😞 I’d love to write this for you but I’m not so sure on what religious trauma is so I focused on reader getting triggered by their parents instead, I hope that’s okay. Please don’t hesitate to comment if I mischaracterized him, this is based off what I see online since I don’t play hsr, thank you!

Aventurine comfort:

TAGS: slight mentions of self harm, hair pulling (out of stress) angst, fluff and comfort at the end

CHARACTERS: Aventurine

You were on your way home after meeting up with your parents. It’s been awhile since you last saw them so you thought you’d pay them a visit.

They welcomed you with open arms and were very glad that you came over, your mother excitedly sharing new stories of what’s happened while you moved away and your father just simply listening to you two.

Everything was smooth sailing, you had fun with them, sharing laughs and all until it all went down the drain.

“haha…” you chuckled it off. You hated hearing about the incident that had happened. Your parents brushed it off by now as a joke, but to you it was anything BUT that.

you continued to catch up to them, holding up a smile to get away the memories that ran through your brain.

stop stop stop

You clenched your hands tightly, continuing to laugh along with the “jokes” your parents made. You couldn’t stop thinking about it now, everything that happened, everything that you worked so hard to forget, all of it GONE just because of a few simple words.

“I might be home a bit late sweetheart, please don’t stay up waiting for me. Love you”

Your phone buzzed, a message from your boyfriend, Aventurine.

perfect.

You took this to your advantage, deciding it was a good excuse.

“Ah I need to go home, sorry mama, urgent things at work.”

You made a white lie. You knew it was a bad thing to lie, it would make you a sinner, but you would do anything right now to get away from that so called ‘home’

“I hope you visit again, we love you”

Your father kissed you on the forehead, before both waving off.

You quickly shuffled to your car, driving as fast as you can away from your parent’s home. You were thankful for your boyfriend’s text, not only can you have alone time but you also were able to lie with getting home.

You drove faster, the music louder, anything to try and get the flooding memories away. You clenched the wheel tightly, taking rough turns, completely ignoring your surroundings.

shut up shut up shut up shut up

please.

You reached your home, running to your bedroom, your safe place.

You opened the television, had your snacks around you and all but for some reason, nothing would work. The thoughts still lingered at the back of your mind, the unspoken memories, the things you’ve tried to hard to forget.

Little did you know, you ended up spiraling. Your eyes on the TV, your mind elsewhere. It all came back too quickly, too much for you, the way you were treated, the rules you were forced to have, the life you so desperately wanted to escape, and it felt like you were back. “…y/n… y/n? Hey hey-“

you got started by the sound, only to realize you had been pulling your hair a lot,

“ah- y-you’re back earl-“

He wrapped his arms around you tightly, Aventurine pulled your hands away from your hair,

“Shh, shh… there there”

he rubbed his hand on your back, you leaned into his touch, before looking down to see blood on your fingernails. “What happened?”

Aventurine pulled away, cupping your cheeks and rubbing your hand, careful not to touch the skin you picked.

You didn’t even notice it, but you were crying. You had tears run down your face as if your eyes were waterfalls.

“I visited my parents today”

“mh…did they do anything?”

“they just…mentioned something and I got triggered and started spiraling I guess…”

as you spoke, aventurine started to wrap some bandages around your fingers.

“What did they say?”

(cutting this part off here so you can like…. Explain to him ykyk. He doesn’t know much of your trauma so u explain that you went through that before)

“Oh sweetheart…”

he wiped your tears and kissed you on the cheek, before hugging you and hurrying your face into the crook of his neck.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t know that’s ever happened, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to remember…”

he frowned and pulled you closer,

“I’m sorry…. If you’re up to going to your parents again, I’ll be here to accompany you. If you don’t, then that’s alright, I understand.”

he kisses the top of your head multiple times, hoping to sooth you with his affection.

He intertwined his hand with yours as he continues to speak reassuring words. “I am always here for you, alright my dearest? If you feel triggered by anything ever again, please don’t hesitate to tell me. I’m never ‘too busy’ for you or any of that. I love you”

you smile as he tells you how he has your back and how he will never leave and swear to always protect you. As you stop crying, he starts to clean up the snacks you left and comes back with more of your favorite foods.

“I got some before I left work”

he chuckles, lying next to you on the bed as you two stayed in the comfort of each others arms.

“I love you, I always will and I will never stop.”

He presses a kiss to your lips, pulling away to see your smile, which makes him smile as well.

A/N: OKAY… so I tried to make it like him as much as I could, I think he’s the type to gen take things seriously in scenarios like this, and the part where he like… pushes(?) your head to his neck for comfort, that means a lot since I hc him to not like being touched there or anyone touching him there either, so yeah. Thanks for requesting and I hope this is ok!! Comments are appreciated (for tips, if I mischaracterized or just to say hi) I hope ure okay dude, if you want more of these feel free to request

[buccini555]

𝐓𝐨𝐤𝐲𝐨 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬: 𝐑𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥 𝐆𝐚𝐧𝐠

≡ They eventually found out that you were having a secret relationship with a rival gang member

⌕ H e a d c a n o n s!

↻ 𝑭𝒕. Draken, Smiley, Angry, Takemichi and Mitsuya

𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧

Draken would be extremely disappointed, but not that you've been dating someone from a rival gang for some time, but that you've kept something important from him, as your friend, he believed you could talk about anything between you and you had trust in each other, so Draken felt cheated and completely lost trust in you.

He would also be worried, because the person you are dating belongs to a rival gang, he would fear that the person was just "using" you, Draken didn't care if the gang was at risk for that fact, he was just distressed to think that you could be in danger.

After he found out, it would take a while for him to accept such a thing from you, he considered it a betrayal and didn't have the ability to even look at you for a while, however, he definitely didn't want to keep a bad mood between you, since despite everything, Draken still regarded you in the same way as before, even though he was hurt.

"I found out that you are dating someone from the rival gang, I hoped even if it wasn't true, since you hid it from me, I'm sorry but, I can't trust you anymore." He would tell you, before, he would go talk to the person you are in a relationship with and let the person know that despite everything, he would continue to take care of you.

Even if he still cared for you, he preferred to do it from afar, Draken preferred to move away and break your friendship, the trust he placed in you was really very important to him, but he would continue to like you and consider you , although he would remove it for the good of both parties.

𝐒𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐲

Surely discovering that you were dating someone from a rival gang for some time would cause a great revolt in Smiley's head, he would not accept that fair behavior from you, which he considered as a friendship based on trust.

He wouldn't forgive you, even if you wanted to, precisely for taking the life of a delinquent very seriously despite seeming like a person who has no commitment to anything, Smiley considered that act as a great betrayal and lack of consideration, both for him, which was your best friend and the gang.

"I thought I could trust you, but I see it's the other way around." As soon as he found out, he would tell you, you would see his smile disappear from his face, he would really be disappointed and hurt in a way, even if it seemed like an exaggeration, it was hard to accept that someone he trusted so much hid this secret for so long.

When he calmed down, he wanted to apologize to you, but he ended up not being able to put his pride aside, despite that, for fear that something bad might happen, he went to threaten the person you date so that that same person would never hurt you.

He returned to talk to you after a while, despite that, a bond of trust had been abruptly severed, for that reason, he could no longer trust you the same way he used to.

𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐲

The moment he found out about your secret relationship, Angry first feared that the person you were related to would do you harm for being from a rival gang, then he felt hurt that you kept that important fact from him.

"Not having the reason you didn't tell me, we're friends!" He would tell you, disappointed with your attitude, even so, Angry would at least try to understand the motivation of such secrecy.

After you explained yourself, he would want to talk to the person you are in a relationship with to say that this person better take good care of you and not get you into trouble.

He wouldn't walk away from you or anything like that, even though he was disappointed and had lost some confidence in you, he still thought of you a lot.

From that moment on, nothing would change between you, Angry would not accept that situation so easily, despite that, he did not want to break the bonds of your friendship.

𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢

Takemichi wouldn't be able to understand why you would hide something so important from him, if you told him you were having a relationship with someone from a rival gang, he would trust you enough to know that you would take care of yourself.

As soon as he found out, he didn't want to believe it, Takemichi felt betrayed in a way, since he thought there were no secrets between you and him.

He was apprehensive, afraid that you would hide other things from him, despite that, he chose to talk to you and try to resolve all that confusion.

"I'm disappointed in you, I can't hide it, despite that, we're still friends!" He would talk, even if hurt, he wouldn't want to cut ties.

Takemichi would advise you to be careful, he would definitely not trust the person you are in a relationship with because they are from another rival gang, despite this, Takemichi would continue to be friends with you.

𝐌𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐮𝐲𝐚

Mitsuya believed that trust was the basis of every relationship, be it love or a simple friendship, he trusted you completely and faithfully believed that you would have no reason to hide any situation from before his eyes.

When he realized the discovery, Mitsuya felt an extreme feeling of disappointment, at the same time, an enormous concern took over him.

Despite the disappointment caused, Mitsuya was still worried about the fact that he didn't know exactly who you were messing with, the fact that he knew that this person was from a rival gang made him anxious, Mitsuya just wanted to advise you to be careful with the guy of the person you were relating to.

Mitsuya would treat you with silence until he accepted the truth he had discovered, once he was calmer, he would talk to you.

"Trust is something very important to me, and you simply ignored it..." He preferred to walk away, for the good of both of you, Mitsuya would still consider you for the years you were friends, but he would no longer be able to see you with the same eyes.

[aannonn]

★ ─。colorful text , strong colors , bold text , brief mention of suicide , implied/referenced grief , swearing

okay i know we are all excited about the actual short that just came out but let me ramble a bit about Red cause im getting emotional about this stick ... ( before my motivation to type all of this ends and i dont feel emotional anymore lol )

Red in season 3 went through so much istg ;; not only did he and Sec went through a very tense (and needed) fight which almost caused the end of their friendship (+ Sec was clearly in the winning side here, or Red was just really terrified of her at that moment given to how he tried to run away from her - of which i will probably talk about it in a later post maybe), but he was also really fucking tormented in monster school (i felt so bad for him in this episode i legit wanted to cry)

+ after all of this fiasco he really went ahead and carried this thing (of which, given to how he hit it on the ground and it made a soft thump, it must have been heavy asf) all the way to the other side and??? fucking smashed King's chin which made him fly to so fucking far ;; which means he literally used all of his strenght to carry this staff, and dropkick King with it, even if it was so hard he almost even dropped it at first

AND THEN HE JUST. PROCEEDS TO PASS OUT ON THE FLOOR CAUSE HES SO FRICKING TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AAWRGHWS

there are also other moments where i think he really deserves a break tbh ;;

he lost a pet. i have a pet myself and just the thought of ever losing him hurts so fucking much to the point i can feel my oof'ing urges coming back.

;; granted; it was a minecraft pig and it was high with all the potions, and also tried to kill all of them, but he clearly atleast had some care for that pig ... (the fact that he immediately stood up and spawned another animal makes me think about that one post/tiktok (i dont remember the user) i've seen ; which talked about Red possibly hiding/bottling up his sadness from others , in order to stay happy and positive or because he doesn't think his struggles are important enough compared to the others' - which i think it make alot of sense since you rarely see him cry or something, just going numb and/or looking down in despair - the only ever time we ever saw him cry was when Green supposedly died.)

i haven't talked about this actual short before since i had no desire to , but damn bro the way i felt bad for Red in this(っ °Д °;)っ he just wanted to have red stuff for him aswell, since apparently it wasn't dropping for him for some reason???? okay he should have included green and blue stuff aswell instead of possibly removing them but. still. Green and Blue were so fricking wrong in this

and !! his and Sec's tense relationship in the past seasons ... i love Sec he's literally my fav out of them all but i cannot defend xem on this. i know she had her reasons and im not saying Red was in the right either but, gosh ... pretty ironic given he's the one who inspired xem to break in in their site and join them in their battle

... i dont even need to explain do i

he lost a pet ... again. and because of his own fault aswell ! he knew the possible dangers of fusing the command block and the staff together , given how he almost got possessed alongside his friends the first time something like this happened , and yet ... he did it anyway . and beeper died as a consequence . i cant imagine how much guilt he must have felt .. (probably one of the main reasons why he didnt put up a fight when they put him in the timeout box)

i think he wanted to cry at this scene ngl ,,,

thinking about this ; they are all really tragic characters tbh ,,, stepping away from the heavy angsty all of c!Alan's stickfigures go through , rygb goes through a lot of shit aswell , and tbh i just feel bad for all of them ; they are all such tragic characters that deserve a very well-needed break break/_ \

since we are in this topic aswell , i would like to mention how i really love Blue and his immediate rush in being a comfort for the others<3

i used to think Yellow was the therapist friend but we only ever saw him comfort Blue lolll ( i love him anyway ;; i think Blue is more of a therapist friend than he is though )

[swallowerofdharma]

The language of that fall from grace won’t get us home*

I really love manga as a visual language and its various possibilities of storytelling. Among the vocabulary that can be oh so cleverly used, there is the juxtaposition of images or scenes to show similarities or contrast between concepts in the arc of a single chapter. In chapter 2 Yashiro and Doumeki have the first serious talk between them. This time deflection is out of the question and Doumeki has to give up his background and family history, since his sister Aoi has been loitering outside of the office. Yashiro is surprised to learn that Doumeki was in the police and, even if he lost his job and served a prison sentence, his motives and actions were far from the common acts of violence committed by petty criminals who become yakuza. “There is one thing I want to ask you though. How did a former police officer end up in a place like this? Why didn’t you leave when you were told to work for me?” Yashiro asks. And the answer probably doesn’t make a lot of sense to Yashiro. Because Doumeki saw him and thought he was beautiful and a beautiful person in the yakuza meant that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to get involved? Without beating around the bush, Yashiro asks directly if Doumeki is gay. Maybe he discovered it in prison? So here there are probably some nuances that need a little bit of attention and some flexibility. I don’t really know who is going to read my analysis but surely enjoying this manga are people from different backgrounds and cultural contexts. Are you gay? Is this character gay? What definitions are we using? Let’s be clear then first, this is just an attempt to analyze what Yashiro and Doumeki talk about, not general statements or definitions. So let’s stay in the text, with these characters and their particular experiences and thoughts and hang-ups and their critical vocabulary. After all shouldn’t understanding come before agreement or disagreement? So let’s suspend our beliefs for a moment while reading the chapter.

“Are you a homo? Did you learn the pleasures of anal while you were in prison?”

“I don’t think I’m homosexual. I never was. But since I can’t get it up right now, I can’t say for sure”.

First of all, for these men to define their sexuality the body seems like the place to look, physical responses are less vague than just thinking someone is attractive. Finding anal sex pleasurable or getting an erection, being able to perform, as in maintaining an erection, and reaching an orgasm, these are observable facts, these are things very basic and easy to understand. And even when this is putting it simply, the reasoning around defining sexual orientation for men comes back to the physical reality often in the common language, in the crass language and in practice. Having become impotent and never having experienced anal sex from the receiving end, from the body’s standpoint Doumeki can’t know more than two things: he wasn’t gay before, we will learn more later about his experiences with women, but he knows that he rejected sexual advances in prison or didn’t feel anything about the guy who gave him a blowjob, while with Yashiro something is different. Yashiro inquires further, after all a young man having an infatuation with an older man can be quite common, but often it’s just admiration and the desire for mentorship, guidance and recognition, rather then being something sexual in nature. If Doumeki can’t be sure because he doesn’t get hard, then maybe he can admit that he felt some form of repulsion towards Yashiro when he gave him a blowjob or when he had gay sex in front of him. I think this is the direction of the dialogue until Doumeki says something unexpected: “I’m not sure. I’ve never met anyone like you in my entire life so…”. Suddenly Yashiro is the one who deflects from the conversation, although he can’t help a gesture of affection for this man who doesn’t express disgust towards his behavior.

Little digression here, but following the logic of physical response and physical pleasure only, Yashiro saying that he is bisexual makes a lot of sense since he feels arousal and gets hard with women too, although he prefers the pleasure he gets from being on the receiving end with men. Matters of consent don’t seem to count in this reasoning, although Yashiro gets angry when Doumeki cosplaying as a cop says that if someone doesn’t object or is into it then that can’t be considered rape, at the beginning of chapter 4. I believe there is something inside Yashiro that knows how wrong that idea actually is, that sometimes you are unable to voice your dissent out loud or your body doesn’t fight it but instinctively retreats into what it learned from experience and worked before, even fabricating pleasure from pain. And that maybe physical responses aren’t reliable enough to make sense of our feelings. But there is another experience that Yashiro knows, and that is that his feelings for Kageyama are independent from what little physical touch passed between them, he knows and can say out loud that he fell in love with a man. That is confirmation enough that Yashiro is queer, something outside of the logic of physical pleasure, something that Yashiro still doesn’t find easier to accept than his sexual preferences and desires. On the contrary, Doumeki as he is at the moment, can only rely on his feelings, since his body is dormant, and those feelings become impossible to ignore or discard because they are calling him and awakening him, giving him hope and direction when he had felt like he had lost everything. So why did I start this analysis announcing a juxtaposition?

The rain keeps falling as we transition into another day when Aoi is back, this time under her own umbrella. Yashiro manages to get her in a caffè to talk alone, without Doumeki knowing, and even tells her about his own experience, because having someone else who knows what that’s like is more than just a generic expression of sympathy. Yashiro can’t help but be self deprecating and stating how different he actually is from her - we will learn how he convinced himself that rape is harder on women or that he somehow doesn’t deserve to be treated with any sort of care. But Aoi, although she is surprised, doesn’t judge him harder than she judges herself as well, for putting Doumeki and her family in an awful situation. Not a lot a pages, not a lot of words, but there are so many things being said or implied, so much complexity and an instant connection. When she confesses her feelings for her brother and she shows how confused and conflicted she is and she cries because her love was not only unrequited but also unnatural, since she is sure she would have loved him even if there was a blood relation, Yashiro recognizes the same type of pain he felt when he recognized his feelings for Kageyama. Stripped down to his own honest responses and after all his stepfather did to him, he still couldn’t help but love a man and one who rejected him. Love came to both Yashiro and Aoi regardless their impossible circumstances and felt wrong and painful and unacceptable to the ones they directed their feelings to. For a moment, we don’t know how long, Yashiro can only watch Aoi cry silently, while his cigarette turns into ashes. And looking out at the window, at the light coming through after the rain, he makes a decision, he won’t fire Doumeki unless he asks to leave himself. Notice how these types of decisions come and how things can change, how these characters are following their hopes or intuition until the next moment they are confronted with another decision to make, another circumstance, and how the storytelling is based on the characters’ little weaknesses and on serendipity, so much so that if we don’t pay enough attention we can miss these delicate threads. This is Yoneda-Sensei’s storytelling. And the composition of the chapter works around these images and these three people trying to make sense of falling in love in ways that defy common beliefs or expectations, ever their own. How they are getting caught in a love that feels distinct and not subject to some type of physical response or banal logic or law or rationale. How useless is fighting against it sometimes, or how love can feel like pain and feel like hope at the same time.

*frase is from a review written by Kevin Brazil about a book called An Apartment on Uranus by Paul B. Preciado and published in ArtReview on March 1st, 2020.

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

BFTC isn’t really a case of terrible characterization for Jason so much as it was a terrible case of victim blaming. Like yeah, some of the things Jason did were a bit extreme compared to his “better” appearances, but that’s nothing new and pretty much true of many stories that aren’t utrh or lost days. The bad parts are are also definitely exaggerated by fans.

The story isn’t centered on Jason. Of course every other character’s description of Jason would be knee-jerk dismissive and misunderstanding, since (again) the intention was to make Jason out to be the cartoony bad guy villain. But if you look past the layers of grime they added, the bare bones of his characterization are not entirely incorrect. It’s a biased story in which their intended criticisms of Jason’s morals often fell short, so to compensate they deliberately cranked up his motivations to be more extreme and unrealistic (but one which, nonetheless got Jason’s overall thoughts and goals relatively consistent with stories that portrayed him accurately).

Yes, him shooting Damian was out of character, but granted we’re all in agreement that it was a true case of “bad writing decision”, I don’t think it’s hard to look past. The only other bit people probably complain about (which felt iffy at worst) was him being “a bit enthusiastic” at times in trying to convince Dick to become another lethal Batman (you can just as easily say Jason wouldn’t have been personally invested enough to have acted in the way he did). I don’t care though because he was probably doing it for shits and giggles, and it was funny watching him push their buttons on his spare time while being excellent at his job. Same old ‘none of them deny that he’s effective, they just can’t get behind the killing’ conflict.

Looking past the fact that Jason still had a valid point, the “he’s the bad guy” plot falls apart for other obvious reasons, which happen in the 3rd issue. It’s kind of hard to focus on how much of a bitch Jason’s being when the other characters are written in an infinitely more problematic way (which ends up happening in most “hate Jason” stories). Not only did they heavily imply Jason is a victim of SA, but the way Dick/the batfamily treats Jason about this is … horrible. Arguing that this was a case of character assassination for Bruce and Dick would be more realistic than using this story to claim Jason is a Bad Person™.

Even though Bruce does have a bad track record with his perspective on victims of SA.

Hey. Maybe listen to the living person begging you to turn it off.

Geez. I wonder why he never felt safe enough to confide in Bruce or any of the rest of them. Implying that enduring what he did made him “broken beyond repair”, that he needs to be “fixed”, and saying verbatim, “you are my greatest failure”, not “I failed you greatly”. Then deciding on behalf of Jason that a bunch of people who weren’t involved in what happened to him should all know about this so they can decide what should be done. And everyone agrees with this garbage. Unbelievable.

Aka, any sort of healing he may have tried to accomplish was ruined by you lot. When exactly am I supposed to see that Jason was evil all along.

The story collapses in on itself in the third issue because where Dick is supposed to be at his prime within the arc, he just sort of rambles about how Jason was a shitty victim and then awkwardly shifts to talking about personal growth and coming to accept his own heroic destiny.

I do resent this, but not because “Jason sucks here”. Jason’s “bad portrayal” pales in comparison to the problematic mindsets given to the other characters (namely Dick) which were framed as good-natured intentions and “tough love”. As for people who describe this as “vilifying Jason to prop up Dick” … I don’t really know what to make of that.

[vanillelace]

⟡ warnings ; profanity, mentions of blood (this is a vampire au), some NON DETAILED mentions of violence, food mentioned, death.

⟡ pairings ; yang jungwon x fem. reader

⟡ genre ; vampire au, fake dating and attempted slowburn, slight royalty? PLOT TWIST BUT NOT THAT WELL WRITTEN

⟡ wordcount ; 12652 words

⟡ summary ; You are the most wanted half-blood. Your mother, however against her will, was smitten by a mere mortal, condemning herself and your future. And she conveniently forgot to mention that she is a vampire. Yang Jungwon, son of one of the most famous vampire royals, has to date you in order to see a brighter future. An unexpected journey full of twists and turns.

⟡ note ; hi guys. i have not uploaded a single work of mine because motivation is going 📉📉 rn 💀 so uh yeah this will probably be my last work. i may upload, but of my own will ^^ also I had to rush this really bad so im sorry if it doesn’t seem too good. I may release a sequel!! Not right now though. SONG MADE BY ME. DON'T STEAL.

THIS IS A PART OF THE RED MOON COLLAB WITH @liliansun AND @twilightau ‼️

“It’s a beautiful day, nonetheless,” your best friend, Danielle Marsh, comments. 

“Doesn’t mean I have to be all shimmy-shimmy-aah, Dani.” You reply, laughing. Danielle giggles, punching you playfully. 

You and Danielle have been the best of friends since even before you could speak. At that age, of course, it was mainly slapping each other and pulling one another’s hair, but you still considered it a holy friendship at the time. Your mum, Aurelia, and Danielle’s mother, Mrs. Marsh, were the best of friends. They had their own secrets, some of them they did not (and still don’t) trust the two of you with, and those secrets brought them together.

Today is the day before your birthday, and the day after Danielle’s. It’s currently the 30th of March, 11 AM, and the two of you are attempting to pass the time. 

“Should we just have a picnic?” You ask Dani, to which she nods enthusiastically. “Totally! Let’s go make some food.”

“Dibs on making lemon crinkle cookies!” You shout, running into the kitchen. You accidentally bump into your cat, Mitch. She’s the most beautiful calico cat you’ve ever seen, and you’ve always found it extremely hard to believe that someone would let Mitch out of their sight and allow her to be lost. You adopted her off the street. 

She purrs, rubbing her neck against your leg. You smile and kiss her head, exactly the place where she hates being kissed, and run off into the kitchen, Danielle following suit. She stopped on her way to lift your cat and give her a hug, and grabbed her car keys. “I’m gonna go get stuff for the cookies, and let’s make some nachos. I’ll buy stuff for pink lemonade too. Text me if you need anything, get started with the nachos. Home baked, right?”

“Yeah, always. You’re getting the salsa ingredients too, right? We don’t have ketchup.”

“Yep. I’ll send you a list of what I’m buying before I check out. Reply fast or I will not give a flying shit, I tell you.”

You roll your eyes, laughing. “Yeah, mom, bye!”

“I’M A DAY OLDER THAN YOU!” Dani yelled, slamming the door behind her.

You and Dani live together, just down the lane from both your family homes. Dani is 19 as of yesterday, and you turn 19 in a few hours. Funny how Mum thought I’d barely be old enough to drive, but now I have my driver’s license too, you think to yourself.

Your mother isn’t one for the history books in your opinion. She’s your average mother. She always tells you that she’s from Canada, and your father’s from South Korea. You’ve never met your father. He died when your mother was 7 months along. She does have a picture of him though. 

You’re constantly surprised by how similar you and your father look. Same eyes, but not eye color, same nose, same smile. Same figure, and same accent, allegedly. Your mother is an extremely kind person, and was heartbroken when your father passed away.

Your grandmother, who you’ve not been able to meet, always writes to you on a monthly basis. She’s the sweetest person you’ve ever known, aside from your mother. Dani is on very good terms with your family too, so it’s all one huge party. She’s not really close to your younger sister, Lily, who's adopted, but they do talk often.

After Danielle returns, you and Danielle get started on making a mess. The doorbell rings, and you run to answer it, a water-stained apron arming you from whoever is on the other side of the door. 

“Hello, are you Y/N?” A masculine voice asks, and you find a face to the voice when you look up from the ground. 

“…who are you?”

“Oh, I should probably introduce myself. I’m Park Sunghoon, ambassador to the Maledictus ruler.”

“I’m sorry, what?” You snicker, trying to cover it up, taking off the apron and dumping it on the couch nearby, “Is this some elaborate scheme? Because you’re failing miserably at trying to convince me.”

“Um, lady, no. Are you Y/N?”

“And if I am?”

The Sunghoon in question sighs and presses a finger to his temple, as if this conversation is giving him a headache. “Y/N, who is it?” Danielle shouts, and you facepalm. 

You just HAD to shout my name, didn’t you?

“Alright then. Please come with me with no resistance, unless you particularly wish to be unconscious.”

“Danielle!” You yell, but your voice is muffled by your cat jumping on you, smacking you right in the mouth. “Oh, for fuck's sake.” Sunghoon sighs, dragging you and Mitch into a limousine. 

Limousine? Okay, rich. 

“DANIELLE!” You yell. Deciding self-defense is your only resort, you bite him on the wrist, Mitch just purring in approval. 

“JEEZ, LADY, I CAN'T RESIST EVERYTHING?” Sunghoon half-yells, half-asks, groaning in pain but still reluctant to let go. 

Mom, I'm sorry but I may go to prison for this. 

Anyone watching would think you're showing a sudden display of affection to your alleged kidnapper. You aggressively hug him, his face turning red. 

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” Sunghoon manages, extremely confused and amused. 

Danielle runs, a bowl of salsa in one hand. Seeing you strangle (or attempt to) him, she lets out a war cry, the neighbor staring. 

“AYYY!” She yells, the bowl rising in her hand. 

You immediately know what she's going to do, and you both are so going to regret it. 

She whacks him face-on with the salsa! 

Mitch shrieks happily and jumps in the limousine. 

“I don't fucking get paid enough for this. Get. In. Please.” Sunghoon positively begs at this point, looking close to tears. 

Out of the kindness of your hearts, you both take a seat. 

Only when Sunghoon climbs in and mumbles, “Salsa was very good, if I do say so myself,” do you realize that you have a terrible sense of danger and security. 

“Aww! Why, thank you!” Danielle smiles, and Mitch purrs. 

“Danielle, sweetie, no big deal, but we're probably going to get killed.”

“As long as it's with you. We lived a long life.”

“You guys talk too much.” Sunghoon says, as the car gets darker and darker by the second. You look down to see a syringe in your arm. 

“Oh, nooooooo…” a distorted voice says. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Y/N, you snore. Did you know that? And so does your friend here. Even your cat snores.”

You wake up to Sunghoon looking exhausted, his hand massaging his temple. Does he always do that? 

“Sorry.” You say, just as Danielle and Mitch snore and purr. You offer a smile that comes out more like a grimace, and Sunghoon, if possible, looks wearier. 

“No worries.” He offers a smile. “Could you wake them up, if you don't mind? We're almost here.”

You nod, not-so-eagerly, because you know Danielle is going to be pissed. She's the sort of person that hates being woken up by someone else. 

You poke her warily. She responds with a snore, louder than ever, and turns over to her side. Oh, great. 

You slap Danielle lightly on her cheek, to which she wakes up, gasping. “Y/N! Have you not learnt–” she begins, but stops when she realizes who she's with. 

“Good morning, Ms. Danielle.” Sunghoon nods respectfully. Dani smiles. 

“Wait. Wait. Why are we HERE?” You yell, everything coming back to you. 

Crap, crap, crap, the lemon crinkle cookies are probably burning NOOOOO… 

Priorities, man. 

You come back to the limo, seeing Danielle holding Mitch out in front of her. “I'm a good girl please don't kill me I'm too young–”

“Half an hour ago, you were telling us how you and Y/N have lived a long life. Here you are, telling me you're too young to die. Make up your mind, lady.”

“Ooh, lady. Damn. I'm Danielle!” Danielle says, reaching Mitch out for a handshake. 

“DANIELLE, HE'S A STRANGER. DID NO ONE TEACH YOU ABOUT STRANGER DANGER?”

“Y/N makes a valid point, Ms. Danielle. Did no one teach you anything?” Sunghoon laughs. 

“Y/N, can we beat him up?”

You smile. “Thought you'd never ask.”

She grabs a rolling pan from her apron and starts whacking him. You pinch him wherever possible. 

“This– Is– For– My– Fucking– Lemon– Fucking– Crinkle– Fucking– Cookies!” you say with each pinch. 

“NO! THE TRAUMA! PLEASE STOP!” Sunghoon screams, and the driver from ahead says, “Please don't kill him. I have a family to feed, and I depend on him. Please.”

Both of you stop. “He pays you?”

“Yeah, he's pretty rich.”

You and Dani smirk at each other. 

“You thinking what I'm thinking?”

“Definitely.” You reply. 

“Maybe if you give us money–”

“Maybe if you give us info–”

“DANI NO–”

“Y/N NO–”

A pause. 

“Give us a minute to reconvene and get back to you!” Danielle says. 

Sunghoon nods in agreement, a tear falling from his eye. 

“Danielle, what are you going to reconvene over? WE DON'T NEED MONEY, WE NEED INFORMATION?”

“But when you can get money, why not take it?”

Pause. 

“Valid point. We'll ask for both.”

“Okay,” Danielle nods, and says loudly, “Sunghoon, we've reached a compromise.”

“I didn't know you were on first-name basis with your victim but okay! What do you want? Anything to make you guys shut up. Please.”

“Money,” Danielle says, “and info.” you add. 

“How much? Of both?” He asks, pulling out his wallet. 

“100$ for each of us. And all the info we want.”

“Good deal. Here you go. Ask away.”

“Thanks! Why are we here?” 

“You'll see. Don't worry, you'll see at least two familiar faces, if not three.”

“Oh. Will we be safe?”

“You're in a limousine, I paid you to stop abusing me, and I didn't even hit your cat, not that I would, of course. What do you think?”

“Oh. Sorry,” Danielle apologizes. 

“It's alright! By the way, we've reached Maledictus. Please have a look-over of your appearance.” Sunghoon announces, clambering out of the limousine. 

Danielle looks down to see a flour-covered apron, which she bashfully pulls off. You give yourself a brush-off, and deem yourself neat. You ruffle Mitch, at which she shrieks and scampers over to Danielle. Dani winks at you and gathers her apron and Mitch. 

“Lead the way, Sunghoon.” You say, as Dani gets out of the car. 

A winding path leads to a gate, putting you in mind of Draco Malfoy's mansion from Harry Potter. The black gate does not cool your senses, and when Sunghoon identifies himself using his biometrics, a deep voice booms. 

“Identify the visitors you have with you, Mr. Park.”

“Uhm, a cat, a friend, and her.”

There's an empty silence, after which the voice booms, “Biometric identity of 'her', please.”

Sunghoon gestures to you, and you walk awkwardly. He takes your hand and presses the thumb to the identifier. 

“Approved. You may enter.”

Sunghoon grins lightly. “Ladies first. And cats.”

Danielle walks ahead, dropping Mitch down to follow. You walk with Sunghoon, curious to know why you are here. 

“Sunghoon, am I in trouble? Will Mitch and Danielle be alright?”

“Don't worry. They're fine. Nothing's going to happen to you as long as you don't 'resist', per se.”

You nod, not entirely convinced. “No matter what you do, Ms. Danielle and your cat will be safe. I'll give you my word.”

You nod slightly, feeling better about this whole mess. “Thanks, Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon smiles, the first real smile you've seen. “I'm sorry for the hostility you encountered when you first met us by the way. And the salsa. We were trying to protect ourselves.”

“It's cool, you don't need to worry. I understand. Besides, the salsa was delicious, although it could've taken away my eyesight forever.” He laughs at that, and you take it as a sign that it really is fine. You join in. 

“Ah, welcome back, Mr. Sunghoon. I see you brought her. But who is the person with her? And what is–” 

An old, balding woman sees her worst nightmare rubbing her foot and purring. “IS THIS–” she begins, but stops to sneeze noisily. 

“I'm sorry, miss. Didn't know you were allergic.” Danielle scoops Mitch up and walks a small distance away. 

“It's alright,” the woman sniffles haughtily, “but I thought you might know, Sunghoon.” 

“My bad, Mrs. Ahn, I wasn't aware you would be here to welcome us. I thought it'd be Mr. Ahn.”

To give you slight context, Sunghoon whispers, “Mr. Ahn loves animals, but his wife is allergic to almost all of them. That's why he's been unable to have a pet, and jumps at the opportunity to take care of one.”

“Yes, I am only alright with bats. Good reason for that, too. However, my husband has been working a lot and is having his midday snack, so I thought to cover up for him. He'll meet you in the Hub.” Mrs. Ahn says, smiling tenderly. 

It has always amazed you how people change with just a smile. But no one shares that amazement, so you can't really say anything about it, for fear of being laughed at and, or, killed! 

“Thank you, Mrs. Ahn. If you'll excuse us, I'll take them to meet him now.”

Mrs. Ahn nods, moving out of the way, waving as you pass, sneezing as Mitch scampers forward to meet you. Picking her up, you peck her and squish her. 

“You really love your cat, huh?” Sunghoon laughs, poking Mitch playfully. You swear you see Mitch roll her eyes, and you nod eagerly. 

“I mean, who wouldn't? Want to know the story behind how she became my pet?”

“Totally, after this meeting though. Sort of important. For me and you. So. Yeah.”

Oh, right. 

“No worries.”

You hum, as Danielle catches up with you guys. “This is why I hate quick paced walkers.” She mumbles, out of breath. You and Sunghoon laugh. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

After what seems like eternal walking, and around five flights of stairs, Sunghoon finally says, “We're here!”

“How are you still so loud?” You and Danielle groan, and Mitch purrs. “You too, Mitch. You literally rode my back.” Danielle sighs. 

“Y/N, you are one untrained half-blood.” Sunghoon mumbles, just enough for you to catch it. 

“One untrained WHAT?” You shout, the breath returning to your lungs and voice regifted to your throat. 

“Fuck. You'll see!” Sunghoon runs, gesturing to the two of you to follow.

“Danielle, DID YOU FUCKING HEAR THAT?” 

Danielle nods. “Unfortunately, if we're being realistic, we can't exactly find out. But because I'm your best friend, I'll panic with you. AN UNTRAINED WHAT? IS THIS HARRY POTTER?”

“You know, my mother never talks about her family. Kind of suspicious if you ask me. I haven't even seen my grandmother. I know that they're from Canada, but I don't know any more.”

“Well, I guess we're about to find out.” Danielle says, looking at the magnificent doors swinging open. 

“MRAWW!” Mitch shrieks through the utter silence as she spots a familiar face. She scurries across the room to where a woman is standing, looking extremely anxious. A crown rests on her face solemnly, sparkling in the golden light exuded by the chandelier. 

“MOM?”

This is when everything keeping you sane shrivels up and dies. 

“MS. CAMPBELL??” Danielle yells, and the two of you run to meet her, not realizing that there's a throne next to where she's standing. “Mother dearest, would you care to explain?” You confront her, extremely concerned. 

“Hi, darling. I'm sorry it had to be this way. But it did. So. Hi. Uhm. Your grandmother's here! And so is –”

Before you can hear who else you were supposed to know, your grandmother squeezes you into a tight hug. “My darling Y/N!”

“Gran! I've never met you, have I?”

Wow, what a greeting. Way to go. So proud. Such etiquette. 

“Now, that's no way to greet your grandmother, is it? But yes, you've only seen me when you were an itty-bitty baby. How adorable you were and still are.”

“Thanks, Gran. Would you at least be so kind as to tell me what's going on?”

“You'll see soon enough. Take a place. Dani! I've heard a lot about you. Stand next to Y/N. Grab Mitch too.”

You two obey, and Mitch settles in Danielle's arms. 

“The accused may step forward.” A deep voice booms, not unlike the one you heard at the gate earlier. 

HUH? ACCUSED????? 

Your mother and grandmother step forward. 

“You have been summoned to The Court of Maledictus to present your defense as to why the vampire world has not been made aware of the presence of one of the most powerful and popular half-blood in existence,” an extremely bald man began (why is everyone bald?), pausing to hear Sunghoon whisper in his ear. “I am also made to learn that there's a mortal present amongst us?”

“Yes, Slav, but she can be trusted.” Your mother insists, and Slav sighs. 

“So be it. May the half-blood be made to stand in front of the Court?”

You walk after receiving a nudge from your Gran. Sunghoon inclines his head to where you are supposed to stand, and you walk, your head looking straight ahead. 

“Ms. Y/N Jae-hyun Campbell, daughter of the late Mr. Lee Jae-hyun and Mrs. Adrina Cassius, are you aware that Adrina Cassius, known in the mortal world as Amber Cassius, is a vampire?”

One beat. 

Two beats. 

“You are absolutely, positively, most DEFINITELY joking.”

Adrina grimly smiles at Slav, who rolls his eyes. 

“Adrina, you are telling the Court that you're own child, the most powerful half-blood in all of history, doesn't know her own family?” A man, looking no older than 50, looks down at you scrutinizingly. He wears a magnificent crown worthy of a king atop his head, where locks of grayish-brown hair flow down till where his shoulders meet his neck. Dressed in robes of elegant black, he looks ready to perform wizarding nonsense. 

“Unfortunately, Yang Jae-hwan, she doesn't. You don't hold any rights over that decision either.” Your mother says, evidently annoyed. 

“Anyways,” Slav clears his throat, “Adrina Cassius married a mortal, Lee Jae-hyun, for the reasons she prefers to call love. She gave birth to Y/N Jae-hyun Campbell, whose real name is Y/N Jae-hyun Cassius. 

“We are here for the 'grand reveal' of Ms. Y/N, and His Majesty Yang Jae-hwan's verdict on how best to train the half-blood, and how to protect her. We are also here to listen to the defense of the Cassius family.”

“Hello all, I am Wilhelmina Cassius, wife of Athan Cassius,” – a collective gasp rings throughout the Court – “and I will present the defense. 

“We have none. Why do we defend our choices? Yes, the choices in question may threaten the very existence of mortality, but they didn't! She's of age in a few hours, and we were going to present a diary written by all the reigning royalty of our family, including how to adjust to being a half-blood by our ancestor, Lilith Cassius. 

“However, due to… present circumstances, we are unable to. I find this to be a valid enough defense. I am the reigning queen due to my daughter stepping down, which I fully support, by the way, and I have been handling things just fine. I don't seem to find a valid reason for this whole fiasco.”

“The Queen of Colonia, present day Canada, has made the defense. What does the King reply to this?”

“You're right, Wilhelmina, you do make a valid point. But what if her powers got out before she came of age? What then? What if mortals were harmed? This is the first half-blood I've seen that's not out of control. Precautions have to be taken, Wilhelmina.”

“Jae-hwan, you wanted Y/N's power for yourself and under control, didn't you? We can be honest, this is a safe space!”

“Wilhelmina, let's stay civil. I do care about power, but I would not take Y/N's power. Ever. My son is equally powerful. In fact, I'm surprised Y/N didn't–”

“Enough. Can we get the verdict?”

“Yes, Slav, if you please.”

“By the Court's discretion, the verdict remains not against, but with the Cassius family. However, a few conditions will be discussed, and now that Yang Jung-won, son of Yang Jae-hwan, succeeded in getting Ms. Cassius here, he has succeeded in placing his claim to the throne and will be the next emperor.”

Yang Jungwon? Didn't Sunghoon drag us here? 

“The Court is dismissed. The Cassius family and their acquanitance have been requested to stay back for a meal. Thank you.”

How was that a proper court verdict? This is the weirdest day of my life. Couldn't get weirder. 

“Y/N, WHAT THE FU- HECK WAS THAT?” Danielle screams in your ears, Mitch shrieking as usual with equal passion. 

“Danielle, I wish I knew. I'm as confused as you are, honey.”

“Kids, we need to go to the official dining hall. Follow me.” Your mother says, flying away as a bat. 

Wait, flying? The day got weirder. 

Danielle gapes, but follows. You follow suit. What is happening?

All around, life seems to be going on as usual in the Palace of Maledictus. You feel like you're the only ones out of order. Mitch bounds after your bat-mom and Dani and you walk slowly behind. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

After what seems like a lot of walking and exercise again, you and Danielle finally reach the hall. 

It's not a hall. It's a huge ballroom. A very long dining table stretches from one end of the room to the other, a regal tablecloth spread out on it. The chairs look like thrones themselves, and there are at least 32 chairs in total. Approximately. The hall has a lot of chandeliers looking down at the people vainly. 

“Please, ma'am, have a seat,” a waiter gestures to a chair next to your mother, while another waiter takes charge of Danielle's seating. The two of you sit together, your mother to your left and your Gran on Danielle's right. 

A delicious-looking feast has been set out, and you see your mother wolfing down chicken. Taking 'inspiration', the whole table begins digging in happily. 

“I propose our kids to date, Adrina.”

The table goes crazy. Wilhelmina chokes on wine, Danielle spits chicken on her plate, Adrina has a coughing fit, and your jaw drops. The king's heir, Yang Jung-won, blinks rapidly, and Sunghoon falls out of his seat. 

“I – (cough) – beg your – (cough) – pardon?” Adrina says, trying to pull herself together. “They can fake date. Beneifical for both families, and we can have an alliance if all goes well. If it doesn't, we'll see. If they don't – what is the term? – fall in love with each other, then there's no alliance and we go back to our lives. If there's no alliance, maybe Jungwon can take over your territory once the inevitable happens.”

Inevitable being your grandmother dying, you know. The horrible tradition in your family states that the ruler who marries a mortal will be removed from the line of ruling, and only their child – a half-blood – after they come of age will be allowed to rule. So, after your Gran, only you can rule. 

“Is that a threat, Jaehwan?” 

“No, merely a caution, my dear Adrina.”

“Mom,” you whisper. “Mom, it's fine. We can try it. Don't worry. Ask him if we can think and discuss about this for five minutes.”

“Jaehwan, we'll discuss this for five minutes. We can't take such a rash decision instantly. Give us time and we'll tell you after discussing it after the meal.”

Jaehwan agrees, and so the meal goes on, and afterwards, the hall goes silent. 

Gran and your mother whisper quietly, you and Danielle not the only ones trying to catch snippets of their conversation. Jaehwan and Sunghoon crane their necks to eavesdrop, while Jungwon seems to be the only calm one. 

“Y/N, are you really alright with this?” Adrina asks, and Wilhelmina whisper-shouts, “How is that even an option? Adrina!” “Mother, I'm trying to secure my daughter's future, and her sister's. Her sister is a mortal and isn't of age yet. She can't be told. I'm sorry, mother.”

“Gran, I'll be fine. He won't torture me. Mom, I'm prepared.”

Wilhelmina and Danielle, although very silent, don't look too happy. “Jaehwan, let it be written that Jungwon and Y/N have begun dating on the 31st of March. On the 30th of June, we will see how the relationship is going and decide whether to form an alliance or not.”

Jaehwan beams, clapping. “Jungwon, you'll be moving to Y/N's city, and your friends may move too, if you like. I hope to see a good alliance.”

Jungwon makes eye contact with you, smiles ever-so-slightly. “Alright, father.”

It isn’t possible to fall in love in just three months. This is not going to be really good.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Your grandmother is positively pissed about the arrangement, but she doesn't exactly have a say due to the fact that it will be beneficial to her rule. And her future generations. So she

has no option but to go with it. 

Danielle has been forcing you to tell her everything he does for the past hour. The two of you are staying awake till midnight to celebrate your birthday. 

“Y/N, if I find a single red flag, I will make you dump that son of a vampire.”

“Hey, don't call him that. I'm the daughter of a vampire.”

“Still can't get over that, but sure. He's a terrible person.”

“Breathe, Dan. Let's not judge a book by its cover.”

“Yeah.”

The two of you are staying at the palace, and all you can think about is:

My poor lemon crinkle cookies. They have done nothing to deserve this. 

“Anyways, fifteen minutes left!” Danielle says, sensing the annoyance practically radiating from you. She rolls up a lettuce to make a makeshift mic, its edges tearing up slightly. 

“What do you think, Ms. Cassius, the soon-to-be 19 year old?”

“Comment denied!” You smile, pushing the lettuce-mic away. Danielle pouts jokingly, eating the mic. 

You guys have brought up a mini-picnic from the kitchen to enjoy by yourselves in your room. Your mother is sleeping in the room across, and your Gran is asleep in the next room, on your right. 

Taking a bite of the lemon tart the two of you stole, you think about the day's events. Damn, that was a weird day. But the ending seems good! 

The two of you pass your time, talking about the university you go to, Zephyr University. Gossiping about the most recent breakups in your friend group, you don't realize how fast the time flew until Danielle checks her phone. 

“SHIT, IT'S 11:56!” Danielle shouts, making you jump. “Bro, breathe, we have four minutes,” you say, laughing at Dan's expression. 

“How are you so calm? Dude. You're – what did they say? – ah, coming of age in the next… three minutes!”

“I wasn't born exactly at 12 AM on the 31st of March, you know?”

“Yeah, but we don't talk about that!”

You grin, helping yourself to a chocolate. 

“OKAY, 30, 29, 28, 27, 26, 25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N!”

“THANK YOU DANIELLE!” You yell with equal energy, jumping up and down with Danielle. 

The door creaks. 

A hiss is heard. 

You and Danielle stop celebrating. 

The creaking stops. 

“Danielle?”

“Y/N?”

The two of you look at each other, and scream. 

And then, someone places what looks like blood next to you. What seems like a sinister voice says, “Happy birthday, Y/N. Hope you get along with good blood.”

That doesn't even make sense. 

You shriek anyway. Getting up, both you and Danielle punch, kick and pinch whatever part of the person you two can. 

“ARGH! WAIT! HEAR ME OUT! SWITCH ON THE FUCKING LIGHT!”

You continue without a care, but Danielle does so. The two of you have been sitting in the light of a single candle, so it is sort of understandable why you can't see who the creep is.

The light flicks on to reveal Yang Jungwon. 

Oh, fuck. 

“Dude, you have good self-defense, but like, why?”

“But why would you come here?” Danielle asks, in shock. “You see, Ms. Danielle, I believed that as her fake boyfriend, I should probably wish her a happy birthday. Did not expect this to happen, although Sunghoon told me what you guys did to him. He is apparently very scarred.”

You smirk at the memory, catching Danielle's eye. Jungwon narrows his eyes, still very curious and concerned, but shakes it off. 

“Thanks for the thought of it, Jungwon. What flavor is the cake? It looks a lot like blood.”

“That's because it is!”

One beat. Two beats. 

Danielle gags, getting as far away as possible from the cake. “Jungwon, what the fuck?”

You don't even know him but you're already worried. 

“I'm joking… Ms. Danielle, don't worry. It's just red velvet with some extremely bright red frosting.”

“Oh,” Danielle murmurs, walking slowly. “Want me to test it out or something?”

“Nope, I'll do it myself, Jungwon.” You say, grabbing a wine glass and scooping the cake in it. Taking a spoon, you gingerly take a small bite, ready to vomit if necessary. To your surprise, it tastes delicious. 

“... Maybe it isn't all that bad. It doesn't taste like blood, approved by me.”

Jungwon lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, and Danielle promptly eats the cake from your wine glass. “Ifs akshooli weawy goof,” she says, nodding in approval. 

“It's actually really good,” you translate for Jungwon. “Thanks, I baked it myself!” 

“WOAH, REALLY?” Danielle exclaims, eyes as wide as plates. Quietly, she whispers to you, “Y/N, maybe he isn't as bad as I thought,” and you smile. 

“Anyways, I'll let you guys sleep. We're going to Zephyr Uni in the morning, around 10. I'm transferring universities, so I'll be taking finals at your university. Continuing classes there, too. See you at breakfast,” Jungwon salutes a goodbye and shuts the door behind him. 

“Well, that was… interesting. He's nice though. He thought of you!”

“Yeah, more like he wants the alliance.” You say quietly, confused. Is what I'm saying true? 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

At breakfast, you, Dani, Sunghoon, Jungwon and his friends sit together. The five of Jungwon's friends know about the arrangement, so nothing's extremely awkward. 

“Guys, this is Y/N Cassius, and her friend, Danielle Marsh, a mortal. And Mitch, their cat.” Sunghoon introduces while Jungwon goes to fetch juice for the table. 

“Hey!” You and Dani chorus, taking a seat in between Sunghoon and Jungwon. “I'm Lee Heeseung, the oldest here. I'll let the others introduce themselves. It's nice to meet you!”

“I'm Park Jeongseong, but you can call me Jay!”

“I'm Sim Jaeyun, but you can call me Jake!”

“I'm Kim Sunoo!”

“And I'm Riki, Nishimura Riki.”

You and Dani nod to each of them respectfully, and smile. “We hope we all get along well, hopefully.” Dani says, grinning and lifting her fork. 

Once Jungwon is back, he takes a seat next to you, smiling. He offers juice to everyone, taking care to not spill even a bit. He's sort of cute. Maybe he's nice after all. 

Your thoughts are immediately proven wrong. 

“Oops!” 

Jungwon smirks evilly as a stain of orange juice spreads on your white shirt, and you gasp as you feel the chill of the juice. 

“JUNGWON!” Heeseung scolds, running to get baking soda from the kitchen. Sunghoon presses his temple, sighing with fury. You just sit there, mouth ajar. “Y/N, just stay here, I'll get you another shirt. Heeseung can remove the stain when you change shirts.” Danielle says, and runs off to your mother, who hopefully has a change of clothes. 

Sunghoon turns to Jungwon. “Jungwon. Apologize. You're supposed to be mature, especially to your fake girlfriend. Why did you do this?”

“It was an accident. Sorry, Y/N!” He apologizes happily, as if no one knows that he did it on purpose. “Totally, Jungwon! It's completely alright!” You say sarcastically, seeing Danielle return with a white button-up crop top. 

Luckily your mother had packed up whatever clothes you and Dani left behind at her home, because you two had zero time to pack. 

Mom, thanks. 

Heeseung returns too, so you go to the ladies' room to change your shirt. You exit the restroom to see Jungwon standing outside, holding the baking soda. “You forgot this,” he says, picking his nails. 

“Oh, thanks.” You say, taking it from him and re-entering the room to use the sink. From outside, he says as loud as possible, “I really am very sorry, I didn't mean to cause a change in the mood. Like, really. I'm not mean, I promise. I'll be thoughtful from now on when I think of jokes.”

You listen silently, scrubbing the shirt. Seeing the stain disappear, you exit, stopping in front of Jungwon. “Don't worry. I was just really upset because it's my birthday, you know. Wanted the day to go perfect.”

“Oh, I'm sorry.” “You don't need to apologize, it's fine! Let's forget it and look ahead!” You smile, and Jungwon returns it, his face cheering up. 

The two of you walk back to the table, and on the way, you ask a member of staff for a bag to keep the wet shirt in. The lights suddenly dim, and your eyesight takes a bit to adjust. “Need help?” Jungwon offers, taking your hand gently. He leads you back to the table as you try to spot your mother, who was supposed to be here. 

Your senses haven't fully developed due to the lack of training as a young child, and so you can't really make out much. “I'll help you train, by the way, whenever we're free. We'll discuss a set time later.” Jungwon says, reading your mind. 

You thank him, and finally reach the table. Ignoring the slight tingles in your fingers, you let go of his hand, and the table brightens up. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY..” 

You gasp as nineteen candles light up and the whole table sings for you. The staff clap as well, and you smile, the brightest in the room. 

“Thank you all so much!” You exclaim in joy after the song is over. “Make a wish, Y/N,” Dani says, and you do so, blowing the candles. 

“What'd you wish for?” Jungwon asks you curiously, as you cut the cake to give everyone.

“If I tell you, it would not come true. So no thanks.” You say, busy cutting the cake proportionately. He pouts, and cringes immediately after. “Shit, remind me to never do that again.” You laugh and nod. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

On the journey back home, the University students sit in one vehicle, and your mother sits in another. Gran left for Canada immediately after breakfast, and Jungwon's father and the rest's parents stayed back in Maledictus. 

You sit next to Dani and Sunghoon, and you tell Hoon the story of how Mitch became your pet as he listens attentively, with Dani adding her own comments in between. 

“So yeah, Mitch decided to stay with us! We officially adopted her, like, 10 months ago.”

Sunghoon smiles, ruffling Mitch's fur, while she claws at his hand, irritated. The journey worth 90 minutes passes by quickly, and the driver pulls up to the driveway of your home. Your mother's car follows, and the drivers stop for a meal. 

You quickly whip up some spaghetti and sandwiches, and Danielle attempts to repair the damage in your kitchen. Sunghoon makes some lemonade, and gives the drivers their meal. They wave and drive off to Maledictus. 

“Shit, the kitchen is such a mess.” Danielle says, opening the oven door to find burnt cookies and an extremely nauseating smell. 

“What happened here?” Your mother asks, entering the kitchen. 

“Mother, we were trying to enjoy our last few days of break before school, but dear Sunghoon over here decided to drag us to Maledictus!”

Sunghoon winces, wiping the inside of the oven clean. The rest are sorting through the bags in the living room. Dani is currently sifting through the food in the fridge, trying to throw out the rotten food. Surprisingly, even after just one day of absence, at least a quarter of the food (healthy stuff) had gone bad. 

You hate wasting food and Danielle knows it. So she does it herself. She dumps the food in the separate trash can, cringing. 

After about half an hour of cleaning, the three of you manage to clean up the mess in the kitchen. The rest of Jungwon's friends successfully sort through their bags and make sure the right stuff is in the right bag. Your mother has already returned home, but you see a notification from your mother. 

Mom ♡ : If you need anything, message me or call. 

You : thanks mother!! 

After sending a reply, you settle down on the rug in the living room, while Danielle gets chairs for the rest. “We're leaving for the dorms tomorrow, do you guys have everything set?” You ask the boys, who nod. “Only Riki is your age. He's majoring in dance. I'm majoring in journalism.” Sunghoon says, and Riki grins, saluting. 

“What do you major in, guys?” Dani asks, sitting next to you. “I major in humanities, finishing my degree this year,” Heeseung says. 

“I major in the visual arts,” Jay says. “I major in astrophysics.” Jake smiles. 

“I major in the visual arts, like Jay.” Sunoo says, smiling brightly. “And I major in music, focusing on composition and therapy.” Jungwon says, and you gasp. “Same!”

“Oh, damn, nice. We'll see each other in class then!” Jungwon replies. 

“What about you, Danielle?” Sunoo asks. 

“Film studies!” Danielle says enthusiastically. “Thought so,” Jungwon says, nodding. 

“What do you mean?” “You seem like the type to be really happy in the studies of media. Just the, uh, vibe with a capital V.”

Everyone agrees, and Danielle flushes. “Aw, thanks guys. Means a lot.”

You pat her on the back and Danielle holds your hand. I would never trade this for anything. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

SHIT WE'RE LATE. 

The first thought you have when you wake up. Delightful. 

Why is everything shaking? 

The second thought. How very wonderful. You then realize that your bed is shaking. “Y/N, WAKE UP.” 

Jungwon's voice yells, and water splashes on your face. “Sorry, Y/N,” Sunghoon says. You blink rapidly and see Danielle assembling an outfit for you. 

Only then does everything process. 

SHIT I'M WEARING SHORTS AND A SHIRT?? I LOOK LIKE CRAP. 

You jump into the shower, practically flying. Jungwon and Sunghoon catch each other's eyes and try not to laugh. 

“Welcome to our household,” Danielle says, holding a pile of clothes and dumping them on your bed. Sunghoon offers to take Y/N's suitcases down, and Danielle gladly accepts. 

“Jungwon, she'll ask for her clothes. Just hand that whole pile over, but DO NOT. I REPEAT. DO NOT. LOOK AT HER. YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF SIX FEET UNDER. YOU UNDERSTAND ME?” Dani says, shaking him aggressively by the shoulders. You sigh in the shower. 

Dearest Danielle. 

“BREATHE, DANIELLE, I THINK HE KNOWS,” you yell as loud as you can. 

Immediately after the shower switches off, you bang the bathroom door and stretch a hand out for your clothes. Jungwon obediently hands them over. 

Getting dressed in a hurry, you tie your hair up in a bun. “Let's go!” You exclaim, dragging Jungwon by the hand downstairs. 

“Everyone finished their breakfasts, by the way.” He says casually, and you facepalm. 

“Shit, I'm so sorry.” “It's okay, breathe. You can have it on the way there.”

“We're going on public transport, I'll just pack it and take it there. Are the groceries packed?”

He nods, and Danielle stops you on the landing. “Here's your breakfast. Eat it in the dorm. Let's go.”

The nine of you rush to the bus stop, just in time for the bus to arrive. “Zephyr Stop, please. Nine of us.” The conductor nods, and you pay. 

Online payment for the win! 

Upon reaching the bus stop, all of you get down, and you and Dani wave to the conductor. She waves and smiles. 

“We'll show you to your dorms. All genders in one huge building, but different wings. Females on the left, males on the right, and non-binary people depends on their preferences or identification. Not really sure.” Danielle says. 

The seven boys nod, lugging their bags with them. “The dormitories have a mini-kitchen, explaining the groceries we have. Depending on how many people you have in your room, you have bunk beds and one extra bed. One attached bathroom for everyone, and a study table for each person. There's a couch and a TV, and the Wi-Fi password will be shared to you by a residential counselor,” you explain, walking slowly. 

“Since today's a Sunday, we can meet up freely. When actual classes begin, we'll have to stay in our own block. But we can meet at the shops on campus.

“We have a café, restaurant, medical store, a few medical staff, grocery stores, and thrift stores run by the marketing and fashion students. We have a few sports fields, a garden, recording studios, a huge library, swimming pools, and just an open field. We have an amphitheater and auditorium too. ”

The boys listen attentively, and Danielle sees the check-in machine. “Hand me your IDs, I'll check you guys in.” She offers, and everyone dumps their IDs in her hand. 

Checking in everyone, she hands the IDs back to everyone. 

“We'll meet at the café. Can we have a group chat? I'll share the location there.” You offer, and Sunghoon nods. “I'll take your numbers and make one. Guys, go ahead.”

The rest meet with the resident counselor as you give your number to Hoon. Grabbing as many bags as you can, you take yours and Danielle's belongings and unlock your room. 

I'll unpack later. 

Opening your phone, you see a message. 

Park Sunghoon has added you to a group chat. 

Park Sunghoon has renamed the group chat to Vampires and a Mortal

Sunghoon :

hey guys. y/n will share the location here. we'll meet up there. btw, here's the room numbers and roommates. 

– me and jungwon, room 112

– heeseung, jay, sunoo in room 116

– riki and jake in room 115

You :

here's the location : xtxtxtxttxxttxxt

me and danielle are in room 67 

You close the chat, and help Danielle unpack her things. 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“I'm too lazy to remember everyone's orders, so go order your food yourself guys. Please.” You say, and they roll their eyes. Zephyr Café is a really calm place, the classic romanticized café. 

It has a beige color palette, and the smell of baking and happiness. Students come here on casual hangouts, study dates, solo dates, dates in general. Since not all students arrived on campus, and you all were here for lunch, the café was not very crowded. 

“Hey Jaemin!” You wave to the boy behind the counter, Na Jaemin. “Hey Y/N! I see you have people with you. You seem to be making friends!” He laughs, and you punch him playfully. 

“Shut up. Me and Danielle have the usual, the guys will order personally.”

“Alright. Enjoy, friendless bitch.”

“SHUT UP, JAE.”

You and Jaemin have known each other since your first year at Zephyr, the both of you in the same course. You're close with his friend group too. 

You did nurse a small crush on him, and sometimes still do. But it's just a crush. 

After everyone receives their orders, all of you talk about everything possible. Breaking the ice is really useful, because you and Jungwon will have to pull off a fake relationship and you need to make it realistic. 

“Also, Y/N, we need to talk in private. Could you guys give us a minute or a few?” 

Without waiting for an answer, he pulls you over to a corner of the café. “Can we use the field for training?” He asks, and you nod. “Yeah, just let me know the times. We probably have the same schedules so yeah.” He nods, and you return to your seats. 

All nine of you chatter away like old friends, talking about Spider-Man to Angelina Jolie. 

After the café lunch, you guys return to your rooms, and you take a small nap. In the evening, you and Danielle meet up with a few friends. 

“Yunjin! Minji! Hi!” The two of you greet your two other friends. They're roommates and are in the room opposite to you. 

“Hey guys!” Minji says, hugging the two of you. Behind her, Yunjin is dragging a sack full of snacks. “Here's food. Eat whenever. You're welcome.” She says, and you hug  her. Yunjin is the oldest, the same age as Heeseung, and is finishing her degree in botany this year. Minji is majoring in literature. 

You’re the youngest in the four of you guys, but you hate when they baby you, so they always baby you. Just for fun.

“And how’s our baby doing?” Yunjin says, pulling your cheeks. “Stop it!” You say, pulling out of her reach. Minji laughs, and Danielle opens your fridge to keep the groceries away. “I heard you made new friends? Around, like, seven boys?”

“Yeah, don’t make it weird, please.” You tell Minji, who already looks like she’s scheming. “Mhm, sure, I would never!” You sigh. Your friends are annoying, and also annoyingly sweet, so it’s a win-win.  

“Aww, does my baby have a boyfwend?” Yunjin asks, putting on a pair of glasses and smirking at you knowingly. “Maybe, but you’ll never find out who!”

“So you confirmed that you have one. We’ll find him. And when we do, he will regret it.”

“Please don’t guys, she finally got a boyfriend. Let’s not scare him away.” Danielle says, coming to the couch with packed bottles of cold coffee for Yunjin and Minji. “Did you guys have lunch yet?” She asks, and they nod. “Did you guys?” Minji asks, accepting the coffee. You nod and plop on the sofa. 

Small talk continues, and they leave to unpack. “Bye guys! We need to unpack too,” you say to Danielle, shutting the door after they leave. “Yeah, let’s do it. Anyways, how did you like the questions about your ‘boyfwend’, Y/N?” Danielle giggles.

“My vampire boyfriend?” You ask, grinning. “I don’t think I would describe him in that way, but sure. He’s fake anyway. As in, our relationship is fake.” 

Danielle nods, putting her clothes on hangers and placing them in her side of the wardrobe. “Danielle, you don’t want to drink, do you?” You ask, the thought suddenly occurring to you.

“Never.”

“Oh, thank god.”

You have never found the alleged temptation of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes tempting, and you hope never to. The farthest you’ll ever go, you decide, is wine or champagne, and medicinal drugs.

Hopefully you avoid the latter too.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Wake up, Y/N, it’s seven AM.” Danielle shouts in your ears, and you jump. “Okay, okay, breathe.” You say, gathering yourself and rubbing your eyes aggressively. “Need water?” Danielle asks, and you nod. She hands you a glass, and you dump it over your head.

“Better?”

“Yep. Are you ready?”

“As usual. We’ll leave by 7:45, so we have a lot of time for breakfast.”

You rush to get ready, and wrap a towel around your head after your shower. Pulling on a decent outfit, you stare in the mirror, satisfied. Deciding to go with a minimal makeup look, you finish it off with a brush of your brows. You’re wearing a black oversized shirt with graphics, and faded blue baggy jeans with blue Converse. Pinning your hair back, you use hair gel to make your hair less frizzy. Dabbing on some lip balm, you walk out of the door, grabbing your bags.

“Let’s go?” Danielle asks, and you nod.

Arriving at the main building, you look up to where your class is. The theory classes are in the first half of the day, and the second half goes to completing your assignments, and practical classes, if any. 

You and Danielle usually drop off your bags, but you see Jungwon, Sunghoon, and the rest at the entrance, looking confused. “Oh, hey, I nearly forgot about you guys,” you say, rushing to help them out. “Media and sciences are at one place, so I’ll take Sunghoon and Jake. The arts are in another section of the building, so Y/N can take you guys there. We’re going to drop our bags off, have breakfast first, then go to class, so come with us.”

They nod, and you all run off to your classes. You drop off Riki at the dance studio in the basement, and tell him he can ask the professor if he needs anything. Waiting patiently for him to keep his bag, you check your phone. “Back, whose room are we going to next?” He pops out of the studio, and you say, “Visual arts.”

Going to the first floor after the ground floor, you take a right and go to the second classroom you see. “Here. It’s more of an art studio, not sure where they take their practicals. The professor is in, you can ask them.” 

They walk out after ten minutes, and say, “They asked us to leave our bags right here, they’ll show us around later.”

You nod, and go to the next floor, allowing them to follow you. “Music composition, music therapy is the classroom on our left.” You drop your bag in the front, and Jungwon drops his bag beside you. 

“Let’s go to the restaurant.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

The day has been exhausting. You still have training to look forward to. You open the texts between you and Jungwon again.

Jungwon : we’ll meet up on the ground, i’ll be waiting at 11.

You : pm????????????

Jungwon : yeah, what else? 🙄 we’ll do sensory training today. darkness. think about it, let ur brain process.

You : 🙄 im rolling my eyes but make it in bold, italic red underline.

Jungwon : nice reference. i see you’re a woman of culture as well.

You : obviously 

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Training’s going to be interesting,” Jungwon says. 

It is 11:15 PM, and you are extremely sleepy. You are in the field, near the forests that surround it. The trees block out the little light from the night sky. You grimace and say, “Sure. Can we get it over with, please?”

He shrugs, and begins. “Make out my movements. Stop me when you think you can.”

You see a blur of hands around you. Shit, he’s fast.

Finally, when you see him hesitate, you smack his hand. “Got you.”

“Good. Can be faster. Next, I want you to hold my hand with exactly my little finger. Doesn’t matter how. But little finger.”

Another blur of movements. Your eyes are adjusting, however slowly it may seem. Finally, when you think you can see his ring finger, you grab a finger.

“Good.” He says, turning on a torch. “You’re getting better. Stop me when I cross my fingers.”

And so it goes on, and on, and on, until around 11:55. “Stop me when I get too close,” he says.

Now, what is TOO CLOSE?

You stop him as soon as you feel his breath on your cheek. “This time, it seems you got me by my breath, not your eyes. Good strategy, but doesn’t work in all battles. We’ll stop here. I’ll walk you to your dorm. Is Danielle still up?”

“Nope, I asked her to sleep, not wait for me. She said she’d try, but I highly doubt she can. She falls asleep on a fixed schedule.”

Jungwon shakes his head, and you can barely make it out. The walk back is silent, only filled with the sounds of insects and animals making sounds, and the sound of your footsteps and breaths coordinating.

“See you Friday, Y/N.”

See you Friday.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Every Monday and Friday, the same time every time, he trains you. By the third Monday, you are successfully able to identify different movements. 

It’s a Wednesday, and you enter class and sit next to Jungwon, who’s passed out. It’s 8:32 AM, and the class begins at 9 AM. All around you, you hear whispers. You turn to Jaemin, who sits behind you, and ask, “What’s happening?”

“Y/N, you haven’t heard? Rumor is that you and Jungwon sneak out at midnight.” Jaemin says, cutting straight to the point.

“What? There’s more, isn’t there?”

“Yeah…” he begins. “They think you do stuff in the woods. You know, inappropriate shit. I don’t believe them, but there you go.”

You stare. “You’re kidding. They can’t possibly be that immature.”

“Actually, they are. Plus, Jungwon’s asleep, so that makes things worse. You may want to talk to him.”

“Thanks, Jaemin.”

“Also, Y/N, do you want to hang out with me after school?”

“Definitely!”

“Alright, see you at the café at 5:30?”

“See you there.”

You turn to the front, and poke Jungwon. “Jungwon, we need to talk, dude.”

“Mmf. Let me sleep, Y/N.”

“It’s serious, you dickwad.”

“Chill with the language, Y/N.” He says, sitting up straight. “What is it?” “Uhm, basically, there are rumors that we do inappropriate stuff in the woods.”

“Isn’t that technically good? Because we’re supposed to be fake dating…”

“Oh. Right. I forgot about that.”

“Speaking of which, we should probably show off right now.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can kiss you on the cheek, you know.”

“Oh…” you flush, shrugging. “Sure,”

Before you even get out the word, Jungwon pecks your cheek softly, smiling ear-to-ear. You go positively pink at the kiss, although very childish. The whispers seem to grow even louder, and Jungwon says, “Ignore them. They’re going to manipulate anything we do, so why not give them a show?”

You nod, and the professor enters, signaling an end to the whole fiasco.

You subtly open your notebook and doodle hearts everywhere.

What is happening to me?

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

At lunch, when all of you meet up, Jungwon fills everyone in on what happened in class. They laugh, and Danielle and Sunghoon smirk at you. Surprisingly, you and Sunghoon are becoming fast friends, and you conveniently forget the fact that he was your attempted kidnapper.

“Anyways, how were your classes, guys?”

The chatter goes on till 2 PM, when the practicals begin. Today, you have a free class till 3 PM, after which you have a practical session in the studio to try and begin working on your final presentation. Finals begin from April 22nd, and end on May 2nd. University begins again on July 1st. It’s the 10th of April, and the frenzy is finally getting to a lot of students.

Each of you leave for your respective schedules. You hurry to the library to get started on your music therapy homework. “Hi, Y/N! Over here!” You hear Yunjin say, and the librarian aggressively shushes her. You wave excitedly and head over there, swinging your bag on the floor. “Hi Yunjin!”

“Hey kid. What’s up?”

And so you and Yunjin chat whilst doing your homework, a paper on how music is interpreted amongst teens as makeshift therapy. Yunjin is doing her botany work, a case study on different structures in various plants worth 25% of her grade. She frustratedly shakes her head, looking at her computer. “Google is so unreliable, man,” she sighs. “Need help? I probably can’t, but worth asking,” you offer. “Nope, it’s fine, thanks!” She replies, waving it off.

You narrow your eyes at her, and she grins widely. “It’s okay, don’t worry kiddo.”

You nod, still suspicious, and continue your work. Finally, at 2:50, you decide you’re satisfied with your work. You proofread it, and format it. “Yunjin, need any prints?” She shakes her head as a ‘no’, and you nod, heading over to the printer. 

“Hi!” A familiar voice exclaims, and you look up from your paper to see Jaemin’s best friend, Lee Jeno. “Hi Jeno!” You reply cheerfully. He’s extremely similar to a Samoyed, with a really cute eye smile. You realize with a sudden jolt that Jungwon and Sunoo also have eye smiles. 

“How’s life treating you?” He asks, stapling his papers. “Oh, interesting. What about you?” 

“Fun. But since finals are near, I doubt the same spirit will last.” “Valid point.” You comment, as your prints get ready. Stapling them, you wave a goodbye. “Are you working at the café today?” You ask him, walking back to your table. “Yeah! My shift’s till 6 something.”

“I’ll see you at the café!” You smile and wave. “Bye Y/N!” “Bye Jeno!”

“Yunjin, I’ll go to the recording studio. Good luck with your assignment, okay?”

“Okay, child. Bye!”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

At the recording studio, you greet the assistant professor, the teacher who helps with practicals. “Hello, Ms. Kent! Did you have your lunch?”

“Yep! Thanks for asking, Ms. Campbell.” You internally shudder, remembering the exposed feeling going through you at the Court when they revealed your last name to be Cassius.

“I feel like this time I want to go for a backing track before I try writing the words,” you say, placing your bag next to your chair. “New method? Whatever for?”

“I don’t know, I just feel like I don’t have inspiration for lyrics. Maybe by next week.”

“You mean the seventeenth? That’s a dangerously close date, but okay. Whatever’s fine by you. We have time till 5 today, so you will definitely be able to achieve a lot.”

You smile, looking at your melody list. It’s a sheet you prepared that lists your favorite backing tracks.

“What if I—“

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

After the recording studio session, you feel energized, music coursing through your veins. Ready to meet Jaemin, you go directly to the café, fifteen minutes away from the studio. Checking the time, you realize it’s 5:20 PM, ten minutes earlier than planned.

It’s fine, maybe I can get started on the lyrics. I need a melody though.

You begin pointlessly humming, trying to come up with a melody for your lyrics. “Hmm, HMM, HMMMM!”

“I’m sorry, but are you okay?” Jaemin asks, walking up to you. “The practical seems to be messing with your head, Y/N.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up. Are you ready for it though?”

“If it’s me, you can’t really have expectations, Y/N.”

“You’re right. Point taken. How’s it going?”

“I have, like, the chorus all set, but not the backing track, the verses or the melody.”

“So basically you have nothing except some repetitive lines, or a refrain.”

“Pretty much, yeah.” He grins, ordering a coffee. “Hey Jeno.”

“Hey, Jae. Hi Y/N! I didn’t know this was what you meant by ‘see you there’. I don’t want it to be awkward or anything, but are you two on a date?”

“No!” You both chorus, panicking, and Jeno giggles. “Whatever you say.”

The two of you discuss everything about summer, waiting for your orders. “How was your birthday?” Jaemin asks, and you grin. “Oh, lovely!” You reply, recalling the weirdest day before.”

“I have a gift for you, but it’ll wait until after this hangout.”

“You LITERALLY DID NOT have to tell me, Jae. Why are you so mean?” You whine, your head in your hands. “I love annoying you, Y/N.”

“Sure you do. You are a bitch. An evil, mean, bitch.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure, kid.”

“SHUT UP!”

Conversations have always been easy with Jaemin, so you find it no surprise that you don’t get bored with him. At the end of it all, around 6:30, when you both get up to pay, he doesn’t allow you to pay. “My treat. If you pay, you won’t get your gift, and I’ll tease you till the end that you never got to see it.”

“You are manipulating me. But okay. Next time, I’m paying.”

“Sure, sure.”

After paying, the two of you leave, and he says,”Here’s your gift.”

Opening a blue velvet box, he takes out a locket. “Holy shit, Jaemin, it’s beautiful.”

“Open the locket.”

In it is a picture of you, Danielle, him, and Mitch. I miss Mitch. I wish she could stay at the dorms.

Your eyes tear up. “Y/N! Don’t cry, is it that bad?”

“No. It’s beautiful.”

“Here, I’ll put it on for you.”

That’s when you realize that this is what love, platonic, feels like. He unclasps the hook of it and puts it around your neck gently, smiling. “It looks lovely on you.”

“Thank you so much, Jaemin.”

“You’re always welcome.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Jungwon : why were you out with jaemin?

You : uh.. he’s my friend?

Jungwon : but IM UR FAKE BOYFRIEND?? 😭😭 

You : THEN ASK ME OUT??

          Ignore that. 😀😀

Jungwon : No. Meet me outside ur dorm RN

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Y/N. Will you go out with me on a date?”

The first thing you hear when you open your door is Jungwon’s voice, and he’s holding a bouquet of flowers. 

“Where did you get the flowers from? We literally texted three minutes ago.”

“ANSWER THE QUESTION!” He cries, looking exhausted. 

“I mean, obviously, I thought that was a given!”

“I could kiss you right now.”

You shrug. “Do you want me to?”

“To what?”

“Kiss you right now.”

“Yeah, that would be cool,” you say (not so) casually. “Don’t act so carefree.” He replies, kissing you on the lips.

It doesn’t seem right. There should be more of a PLOT before we kiss, man.

I’m looking into this too much. Chill, Y/N.

You kiss him back, and Danielle shrieks behind you. Crap, Dani.

The two of you break apart, the bouquet in your hand. “DID I MISS SOMETHING?”

“NO, BUT YOU RUINED IT, NINCOMPOOP.”

“SHIT. WHY ARE WE TALKING IN CAPS AGAIN?”

“BECAUSE I’M PISSED?”

“Guys, breathe,” Jungwon breaks in. “Y/N, it’s alright. Danielle, you didn’t miss anything. I just asked her out on a date.”

“Oh. Continue, pretend I’m not here.”

“Danielle, that’s just weird, dude.” You both say to her.

She raises her hands, as if accused. “Don’t blame me, love made me crazy.”

You throw a pillow at her face.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Jungwon : for the date, meet me at the restaurant, friday, at seven pm. no training, we’ll compensate for the training on saturday.

You : okayy ^_^ thank u 💗💗

Jungwon : ideally i should be thanking u but okay

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You giggle as the two of you continue texting. “Y/N, it’s ten. Sleep. Please. Or let me. Or go over to his dorm. I would much rather sleep in the same room as Sunghoon than listen to you giggling annoyingly. Do vampires never sleep or something? That guy looks tired but doesn’t sleep.”

You shake off her rant. “Okay, okay, mom, I’ll sleep.”

You wish him a good night. You can’t help but feel like high school sweethearts, but make it older and more mature.

Mature? Says the girl giggling at texts. Bro. You’re not okay.

I know.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You wait for Friday night to arrive. When classes end, you rush to your dorm to get dressed. Two hours early. Danielle rushes after her classes too, to make sure you look perfect (you already do) for the date.

“Okay, what do you want to wear?” She asks, shutting the door behind her. 

“Uh, maybe the black dress? Not yours, not the tight fitting one. The more airy, loose one.”

“Yeah, sounds good. Yours, right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t have good shoes to match.”

“I have black heels, I think. I’ll search. Clean makeup?”

“Yeah, obviously.”

You rush to get ready, and by 6:30, you look in the mirror. The black dress has pleats that reach your knees, and off the shoulder sleeves that extend to your elbow. You wear Danielle’s strapped heels, wedged, not pencil, and your hair is left loose, a scrunchie in your purse, in case you need it. Your makeup consists of concealer, some counter, tinted lip balm, highlighter and eyeshadow eyeliner.

“You look so pretty, I need a Polaroid.”

You pose for one, and take one with your best friend. “Man, if I were Jungwon, I would rather die than let you go. Juliet to your Romeo.”

“HOW I HEARD YOU SAY!” You and Danielle sing along, while you pack your purse.

“Bye! Have fun, Y/N,” she says, kissing your cheek. “Bye!”

You arrive at the restaurant, and you see Jungwon standing there with a bouquet of daisies, your favorite. “How’d you know?”

“Danielle.” He replies, hugging you. “Shit, Y/N, you look so gorgeous.” He compliments you, and you flush bright pink. “Thank you.” “Always.”

“I want to get to know you more, Y/N.” He announces grandly, kissing the back of your hand. “Aww, hopeless romantic,” you tease, and ask, “What are we going to do?”

“Oh, I don’t know, dance?” He jokes, smiling. You giggle — STOP WITH THE CREEPY GIGGLING, Y/N — and grin. “We’re going out of campus. I took permission, plus it’s the weekend, so they told me it’s allowed.”

“Ah, alright. Where though?”

“You’ll see.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

The drive there is not that long. After around twenty minutes of driving, he says, “We’re here, Y/N.”

You look around. Stars sparkle in the night, and the moon looks bright and happy. “I found this place last week, after training. It’s really beautiful, but I’ve never seen it during the day. Here’s the treehouse I built.”

“You built a TREEHOUSE?”

“Yeah, out of wood that had fallen. The walls are made with rotten wood. #Recycling!”

“Wow. You built a treehouse.”

“Not a big deal!”

“Totally.”

He leads you up the ladder, and grabs a chair for you. “I made dinner, it’s in the car.”

Jungwon runs to bring the food. He’s so cute, man. He returns with a picnic basket, and asks you to turn around. The room is brightened up. Is he lighting a candle?

“You can look now.”

You gasp, seeing candles lit, and wine glasses. “Jungwon, I don’t drink…”

“Who says we’re drinking wine?” He smirks, pulling out apple cider, your favorite. “Danielle?”

“Nope, me. I saw you drink it during class.”

You blush furiously, the thought of him looking at your preferences overwhelming you. “Thank you.”

The two of you spend all your time there, getting to know one another, drinking apple cider sophisticatedly, eating a vegetarian filet mignon (that’s what he called it), and laughing.

You admit that it’s been really fun with him. Is it a crush?

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Finals. Crap.

It’s the sixteenth of March, and you have not prepared lyrics. You have a general melody, but you need lyrics. After class, you run to the library and grab a dictionary.

You frantically start scribbling down lyrics.

 It began before my birthday

You and I, so forced, 

Didn’t have words to say 

The ice trying to defrost

Itself so fast

You wished me at midnight

Scared me out of my wits

You and I, against no light

Your goodbye felt like secret chits

Passed in class

And maybe I read into things too much

But we seem like too good of an opportunity to pass

Up, so I’ll try and take this and trust

That we both would last

So please don’t leave, don’t say goodbye

You know I’ll miss you, so don’t even try

No matter how fake we are, hope you feel the same

Way as I do, please just stay

And I could be romanticizing you a lot

You and I, as pretty as a forget-me-not

Following its name, I can’t ever forget you

I’ll be as blue as the flower if I do

And maybe I read into things too much

But we seem like too good of an opportunity to pass

Up, so I’ll try and take this and trust

That we both would last

So please don’t leave, don’t say goodbye

You know I’ll miss you, so don’t even try

No matter how fake we are, hope you feel the same

Way as I do, please just stay

I haven’t known you for long, a few weeks isn’t much 

Time doesn’t matter, ‘cause you feel like a crutch

To my sanity, if I don’t have you near

So please just stay, dear

So please don’t leave, don’t say goodbye

You know I’ll miss you, so don’t even try

No matter how fake we are, hope you feel the same

Way as I do, please just stay

So please don’t leave, don’t say goodbye

You know I’ll miss you, so don’t even try

No matter how fake we are, hope you feel the same

Way as I do, i hope you stay

“Good enough.” You murmur, and fall asleep.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

After homework class the next day, you rush to the recording studio. “Ms. Kent, I’m ready.”

“Jeez, Ms. Campbell, you scared me. But I’m happy. Let's begin.”

At the end of the session, Ms. Kent smiles with pride. “I am very proud of you. I hope it works out for whoever you have dedicated this song to.”

“Thank you, Ms. Kent.”

You exit, feeling very happy. This is guaranteed to get you a good grade. 

You hear your phone ring, and you take a glance. It’s Sunghoon. “Hello?”

“Y/N, Jungwon is dead.”

Pause.

One beat.

Two beats.

“You’re joking. I’m coming to your dorm right now.”

“I’m not here, Y/N, please believe me.” You hear the pain in his voice. “Y/N, I’m at the campus hospital. I’ve called the King. Please come now. Everyone’s here.”

You run, tears falling, but you don’t realize it. Your only priority is getting to Jungwon.

“What happened?” You cry, seeing Danielle waiting outside.

“Y/N, he left a letter for you.”

“No, Danielle, this is a joke. Danielle, please. This is a joke.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, it’s not. It really isn’t.”

She encloses an envelope in your palm. “None of us opened it. He died in the bathroom, Y/N. Allegedly because of a stab, possibly silver.”

“It’s a murder.” You declare between sobs. “We know, Y/N, please come see him. His father will be here in fifteen minutes.”

“When did this.. when was he found?”

She doesn’t say anything.

“DANIELLE, WHEN WAS HE FOUND?”

The one person I thought was like me. Would understand. Who helped me reach my potential and unlocked it in the first place. Lit a candlelight dinner for me. He’s my fucking muse. This is a joke.

“DANIELLE, HE’S GONE.”

Sunghoon screams, and on seeing you, hugs you immediately. The rest are sitting, tears soaking their shirts. When they see you, they run for a group hug. “Y/N…”

“He was found when I was in the recording session, right?”

“We tried calling you. None of us could come get you, we were too busy. It was 5 minutes before you picked up Sunghoon’s call.” Danielle murmurs, choking up with tears.

“And now he’s missing.” Heeseung says, staring blankly. The doctor arrives on the scene. “Hello, the patient has gone missing and I’m aware. For your information, I’m a vampire, too. There is a high possibility he turned to ashes, and we can’t rule it out. I'm not sure what happened, and the security cameras aren’t explaining anything either. We’re sorry for your loss. We are trying our best to figure it out. I am aware he is the young Prince of Maledictus, and the King is on his way. I assure you, this is not a mistake. It’s supernatural.

“A red moon incident is what we call it. When a vampire, a very powerful one at that, just disappears with no warning after his alleged death, it’s either they’re in ashes… or they’re alive.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Dear Diary,

The king is furious. His only heir, gone into thin air? Impossible. He doesn’t blame me, though, surprisingly. I honestly don’t think he believes me to have the capacity to be able to scheme this well.

I don’t mind.

I know exactly what happened. His letter explained everything.

Here’s a word-to-word copy of it.

—————————————————————————————————————

Dear Y/N.

Do not show this to anyone else. Not even Danielle, not even Mitch. Mitch is a human, by the way. She’s been made a cat because of an age-old curse that runs in her family. 

I am alive. For security purposes, I won’t tell you where. My father is planning something. He’s a terrible, cunning man. He wants to kill you, and make me do it. I’m sorry, but I love you.

You hear me?

I love you.

I’m alive. I asked Jaemin to place the silver next to a body I was working on. Jaemin’s really nice, by the way. He knows. But he’s with me. He’s applied for leave from the university under pretences of his grandmother being ill.

Lies.

He’s with me, and wants me to tell you that he’s safe. “Y/N, remember me in that locket of yours.” 

Remember me too. I’ll come get you one day. When it’s safe. I promise.

By the way, love the song. I know for a fact it’s about us. Jaemin overheard everything before he came to the bathroom.

Don’t hate us,

Love, Jungwon.

P.S. : we both love you. Stay safe, and don’t worry. Don’t forget us, otherwise you’ll be as blue as a forget-me-not. ;)

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

THREE YEARS LATER.

“Y/N!” Danielle greets you.

The two of you don’t live together anymore. She moved away to LA for her career after graduation. You still stay in the same place, in hope of Jungwon being able to find you. 

Right now, Danielle is with you, at your good old home. Your mother is in Canada, helping your Gran.

“Hi! How are you?”

Danielle and you still talk, and have video calls weekly twice. The boys are still in touch through the group chat.

“I’m fine, as I said yesterday,” you laugh. “Same!” She giggles.

The two of you spend hours together until it’s time for her flight. “I’ll see you next month. Call you when I reach!”

You hug her tightly. “I miss you a lot.”

“I miss you too, Y/N. I love you, okay? Take care!”

She kisses you on your cheek. “Love you too. Have a safe flight!”

After shutting the door, you plop down on your couch. Life’s been good.

“Y/N. How have you been?”

You turn around to see Jungwon and Jaemin, looking extremely weary.

“We need to go, right now.”

Ah, my vampire boyfriend.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

[aerodaltonimperial]

Listen, Imma be real with y'all for a second.

In 2022, the Chrono Cross remaster came out for PS4. And that summer, I wrote a 50k epic about my two favorites from twenty years ago and dropped it on a long-dead fandom for an absolute rarepair. It was one of the most ridiculous, fruitless things I've ever written. I knew very few people would read it. I think I never got more than 50 hits on it. I did it anyway, because it was fun and I had a great time and I knew it was good. And then I got into wrestling, so I sort of never looked back at it, because I was writing other things.

I cannot tell you how many times I have opened up my AO3 account in the past... 6 months or so, and thought, so, people were only my friends while I was writing what they wanted, huh? I stopped writing this, and people just fled? I have opened up my old Hookhausen fics and sat with one finger hovering over the delete button so many times, because if that's all people cared about from me, I was gonna nuke it out of spite. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but it's felt awful this past half a year writing in such a bubble, and as my therapist can attest to, when I feel hurt, I lash out to hurt other people in turn. Vamp is the only reason I won't do it. But it's been so hard being plunged back into writing alone after so long of people caring what I was doing. It felt like writing that CC fic again, only this time, I knew that people had simply lost interest. In me as a person, really.

Fic is the only place I feel worth anything as a writer. Years of failure, and fandom is my only source of positive feelings about my own words and my own work. It's hard to lose that, especially in the wake of giving up a decade-long dream. It's HARD to lose the only thing keeping you going with a hobby, and I'll be the first to admit that I haven't been handling it well. I used fandom interaction on my fic to help fill all the pieces left exposed and smarting from failing at trad pub over and over and over. It's not a bad thing to do, really - a lot of writers suggest doing this, to help build motivation and confidence while trying to get published. But it only works when there are people there to read your fic, haha. Fandom, for me, has been contributing to my depression symptoms big time. At one point, my therapist suggested maybe I should step out of fandom and fic writing, because it was spiraling my mental health. And to have him tell me that, after our years together, really opened my eyes to how bad it had gotten for me in regards to my self-worth and self-confidence.

I got a comment on that CC fic this morning. It happens so rarely that it really caught me off-guard, but it was one of the nicest things ever, and I sat reading it thinking... okay. This is worth it, isn't it? That fic has been there for years, garnering so little attention it wouldn't have mattered if I had deleted it. I was reminded this morning that it does matter. That single comment on an obscure fandom that peaked twenty years ago and still never had many people in it, made me feel like spending my time in fandom is still something worth doing. I can't thank that reader enough for taking the time to leave it for me. If you ever think that your interaction with people's work doesn't matter, I hope this helps you feel differently. Maybe people aren't reading your fics right now, but maybe they'll find a fic you poured your heart and soul into a couple of years later.

Not sure why I am posting this LOL. I expect people will unfollow me. Sometimes, I feel like I can't talk about these things without seeming like a bitch, but y'all already know I'm a bitch anyway. 🤣 We write fic because we love it, because we adore the source material, because we have passion for the characters. But we post because we want to share and connect with people. It just feels so much like that second part has somehow gotten lost recently. Anyway. Back to your regularly scheduled Tumblr lives. 💚

[sidgeno-ficrecs]

this delicate place by @ljummen

sidgeno (2019, explicit, 32.8k) **content notes: mental illness, anxiety attacks, depression, trauma and its aftermath

“Are you?” Taylor asks unexpectedly. “Am I what?” Looking up from the stove, Sid finds her watching him with an odd look on her face. “Happy.” It should be an easy question to answer. Sid has escaped back to Canada after a career ending injury. It doesn’t dawn on him exactly how much early retirement has affected him, until Taylor introduces him to a YouTube channel where a firefighter talks about his own struggles with his mental health.

Hey Geno,

I just watched this video and realized that I’ve had several panic attacks over the course of a few months. I had one a few hours ago. I haven’t experienced anything traumatic, but anxiety (I assume, based on your description in this video) has been sneaking up on me. A week ago, I bought two plants, like you suggested in another video. Today’s panic attack was triggered by me noticing that they were dead (the plants, I mean).

I feel stupid for reacting to something so trivial. I haven’t watched that many of your videos, but from what I understood, you actually experienced something bad. So why am I broken for no reason?

this is a hard time of year.

it's dark, it's cold (if you're in the northern hemisphere), and for me at least, it always seems like the post-holiday winter stretch is when bad things happen. it's easy to get lost in your own head and spend hours dwelling on what's gone wrong, or what might go wrong, and get stuck in a negative feedback loop that can be so, so hard to break out of.

i've mentioned before that i don't love fics that diagnose sid (or geno, but it's usually sid) with certain neurodivergencies because in my experience it leads to people talking about him like he actually has x or y and it makes me uncomfortable, but i re-read this fic last night because i've been feeling down recently and i think it deserves a moment in the spotlight.

this story is a very raw, honest look at what it can be like to deal with depression and anxiety, from the perspective of someone who never has before and doesn't know what's going on and needs an extra push to see what's happening and get help.

depression is a lonely, isolating experience, and that's part of what makes it so dangerous. it's so easy to not notice that you're withdrawing and losing yourself until it's almost too much to climb out of, and on top of all that you've lost all motivation to take steps to get better. it's a vicious, evil little trick the brain can play on you, and @ljummen walks us through sidney's experience with it with care, honesty, and compassion.

this fic made me feel seen. it can be hard to read—sid has panic attacks and we as readers experience them right along with him, along with the other symptoms of depression—but if you're in a space where reading about it won't make you feel worse or trigger anything, i really recommend it. we see sid struggle, we see him be in denial of what he's dealing with—what does he have to be depressed over, after all? what trauma does he have to deal with?—and, crucially, we see him turn a corner and start to get better.

i think that's the magic of this story. sid manages to step outside of the black pit he's stuck in long enough to take steps to get help, and he meets someone who knows him and understands what he's going through, and they fall in love despite the obstacles in their way. it's a story about someone whose life isn't going the way they thought it would, but who manages to see that's not necessarily the end of the world, and for me at least reading this story gave me comfort and hope.

yes, it can be dark at times. life can be hard, so hard that it seems easier to just go back to bed and try and wait it out. but you also might meet someone who sees you, and knows you, and is there for you, and who you can see and know and support in return. there's light out there, if you can peek outside the curtain to look for it.

i hope you're all taking care of yourselves. be gentle with your own mind if you've been having a difficult time. reach out to the people who love you—they want to be there for you, even if you're hearing that little voice that says you're just a burden.

and if you're up to it, read this story, which will hopefully provide you a little comfort and escape and hope, like it does for me when i'm having bad days.

read it here on ao3!

and don't forget to leave a comment!

[licncourt]

Do you think Louis is "good with emotions"? What I mean is is he consciously aware of how he feels about what's happening around him, does he have a handle on emotions or does he have.. Issues with translating what he's feeling, therefore he is oblivious to his own emotions. Does he fine tune emotions in a conscious funnel that gives the reader an impression that he's quite adept at being a person you can go to with your problems. Does this make sense? I guess what I'm asking is would he be the best friend you can count on to have a deep talk with or is Louis so repressed he needs to write out his thoughts in a journal before he can give advice. Does he give terrible advice. Would he make a good therapist? I think he's a bit too mentally lost himself to be the person to depend on for advice even though compared to Lestat he's more emotionally mature, but (I'm sorry this is so winded) is Louis aware of his emotions enough to make good life choices, and is Louis able to distinguish emotions or does he struggle with them enough to be that person everyone goes to for advice (hypothetically). I hope I'm making sense.. I'm not too keen on the side of fandom that leans on Louis being the "sane" one while Lestat is the "insane" one, but in my short time in this fandom, that's been my experience 🤷🏻‍♀️ Everyone wants to lean on Louis, and they want him to be the family friendly one. It doesn't give room for him to flesh himself out. Why does Lestat get all the fun stuff. Louis started the shenanigans and he is obviously very unhinged. I don't think it's fair is all. But please give me your thoughts on this very long ask.

Oh God that's a hard question, but my answer is no, he isn't really. He's emotional but I wouldn't say he's good with those emotions or those of others (especially not those actually). In general he reminds me of when you meet a guy who sucks but they call themselves an empath.

Even Lestat says in one of the books that Louis is oblivious to the suffering of others in a lot of ways and I think that's true. He sees human misery when it supports his internal beliefs because he's actively looking for it, but he's not in tune with people in general, especially not when other people's feelings contradict his world view (ie owning slaves while acting like he's some kind of hero for the downtrodden because he eats rats).

I think the fact that he feels his own emotions so intensely is part of what makes him so selfish. He's incredibly caught up in what HE'S feeling, so the inner world of someone else is not really being considered, nor would it occur to him to consider it. That happens a lot in IWTV where, at least the way Louis portrays it, the only explanations he can come up with for Lestat's behavior are that he's stupid or he just has a bad personality.

There's always the implication that their relationship was deeper than Louis made it seem, but I also don't think he was interested in exploring Lestat's deeper motives for his behavior. He got his feelings hurt and therefore whatever Lestat had going on was irrelevant to him. There was no effort to understand and empathize when it was hard and he faced resistantance.

At the very least, be seems to be hellbent on strong-arming his own emotions to suit his will. He's very externally adamant about his chosen narrative, but he spends enough time just Having Feelings that at least deep down, he knows for himself what the truth is most of the time when it comes to his inner thoughts unless he's in true denial. He just chooses to be stubborn and force his way through life ignoring those feelings if he thinks they shouldn't be that way.

His thoughtfulness and how carefully he chooses his words does give the impression of some kind of emotional intelligence, but I think a lot of that is artificial, like when he's talking in IWTV about how his objections to killing are about the principle and the aesthetics. There's a lot of convoluted thinking and justifications, but not much consistent or reasonable logic to suggest that he's tapped into something grounded and honest within himself or the world.

Another indicator of whatever emotional imbalance he has is the way he cycles between being so rigidly repressed and then snapping. That's not the hallmark of someone who's processed or is capable of coping with any hard feelings, much like an addict who never gets treatment but manages to white knuckle their way through stretches of time before losing control again.

I suppose he is more emotionally mature than Lestat in his ability to exercise restraint and be calculated (in good and bad ways), but that doesn't always translate to an emotionally intelligent mindset that influences larger choices or patterns. No matter how good he is at it, his semi-frequent, massive lapses in judgement and self control kind of negate how helpful those skills can be.

This comes across in subtler ways too. He was more the family man than Lestat, but rather than responsibly parent Claudia through her adult challenges, he allowed and fostered an emotionally incestuous dynamic that was incredibly toxic for both of them. Other times he played calm and collected in the face of Lestat's outbursts, but he didn't actually work to resolve anything, just to keep the upper hand through his performative apathy. It's all very surface level and hardly ever productive.

The one credit I'll genuinely give to him was his willingness to let Lestat get whatever all that was out of his system in the 90s and 00s. He was very patient and honest about his feelings and finally had enough softness and genuine care for Lestat that he was able to see objectively the pain, confusion, and trauma those behaviors were born from. It's definitely growth on Louis' end compared to IWTV so golf clap for that.

I will say though that I definitely think he's too self-absorbed and judgmental to make a great listener unless he REALLY cares about the person talking to him. If he thinks he could've handled whatever the problem is better, it's going to show it accidentally even if he's being polite. The truth is he would not have handled it better most likely. Differently maybe, but not better. You had a freakout? Well. He simply would have repressed those feelings and then acted like a bitch later over nothing.