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chronicallyuniconic · 1 year

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Where do I start with that appointment with the doctor?

✨ [TLDR a very personal post about a single doctors appointment when you already have chronic illnesses, TW for medical bxllshit] ✨

They asked me to come to see them for the below list of symptoms I gave. I have heavily condensed for this post, they're in no particular order, feel free to skip them:

\\ Tingling and numbness in fingers and palm of hand, with weaker grip and cold feeling. Also occurs in right foot, sometimes both feet

Skin problems: Irritation, lumps under skin, thicker and darker body hair causing irritation

Jerking up back from coccyx, legs kicking out and knees locking

Losing feeling when taking a step, hips hurting all the time, affects my walk and I drop. Holding breath to stop jerking due to pain

Passing out with sudden nausea feeling, followed by paralysis and pins and needles in arms. Vomiting after passing out

Vertigo, dizziness when tilting head back, stumbling to the side when standing

Headache and jaw pain leading to migraine

Dry eyes with dark shapes in vision

Losing control of bladder, urgency to urinate, no build-up, sudden full bladder. IBS, fluctuating between constipated and not constipated

Longer, heavier, more painful periods since coming off the pill. Pressure, sharp pain, and hip pain during periods

Cellular level exhaustion, feeling like there is concrete or sand in bones. Nodding off even after sleeping for long periods //

Arrived to see noone in the waiting area or reception wearing a mask, just me. Doctor was wearing one thankfully. This shouldn't have to be up for debate in a pandemic, but there we are.

I started off with the hip problem as its concerned me most, what with losing functionality, just dropping to the ground, struggling to lift myself back up and continue to walk. They got me to lay on the table, made me push and pull against their arm with both legs then said "if you're having this type of weakness you typically wouldn't be able to walk." They just watched me walk, in the way I do, and it instantly made me think *well they don't believe me or do they think that I've just put that on, like made it up?*

The doctor asked about my bladder weakness, didn't/couldnt(?) give any explanation as to why I have sudden urgency and lack of control. My take was that "I shouldn't be losing control of my bladder the way I am. I am not 80 yrs old." Them "we'll get a urine sample" (every single urine sample I have provided in the last 7 years has come back exactly the same, with the same unexplained & ignored "protein in urine"🙃)

They then asked about how I managed some of the above symptoms. Painkillers, baths, heatpads, yoga stretching, etc etc.

"How are your periods?" I explained to them that since I came off the pill they have gotten much heavier each month as time has gone on, typically leaving me in bed from the 3rd day, for 7 to 10 days, I have this constant bearing down feeling with sharp, crushing pains where my ovaries would be, flares up IBS and so on.

For them to say "that's completely normal, you can treat with ibuprofen." At my age, I just felt disbelief in their comment. I have been treating my periods since I was 10 years old for pain management and to reduce heavy flows. I don't take ibuprofen because it flares my asthma, something they should see, but throughout my life, I have noticed that medical professionals refuse to accept it as a side effect that occurs in me and look perplexed by the statement "ibuprofen flares asthma"

The doctor commented that 'I mentioned my symptoms may be more applicable to Multiple Sclerosis' and asked why I think that.

I explained about the new symptoms, worsening of old and new symptoms and the difference between first symptoms at diagnosis to how they present now.

They then asked about my medications and whether they work for me. I explained that none of the medications have helped with fatigue in particular, for the next lines to happen:

Doctor "We can increase X if you like."

Me "I didn't think I could, but if you think it will help fatigue(?)"

Doctor "Why did you think that you could not? Is it because you read it somewhere or someone told you?

Me "No, it's because I'm pretty sure I'm already on the maximum dose."

*doctor looks up doses*

Doctor "Yes, you are right"

Is it just me?? This bullshit is infuriating to me & its so disheartening. This motherfxcker doctor asked ME to come to THEM.

Doctor "so what would you like me to help with what are your main concerns?"

Me "I'm tired beyond comprehension, I haven't been here physically in 2 & 1/2 years because I cannot leave the house. I'm in pain all the time, mainly in my hips, I get constant migraines that cause vertigo, my sudden loss in bladder function, I'm a young person this should not be happening to me and I can't explain it, it's embarrassing and I want these symptoms to stop or know how to treat them or what to do, it's affecting my life"

Doctor "in all of that you never mentioned pain and this is a significant symptom of MS"

Me "it was one of the first things I said, I-"

How can I receive any care when it's like this? Where is the treatment within all of this?

At this point I felt myself start dissociating, mentally I've already left the room, realising what this doctor sees and thinks of me. They mention something about physiotherapy to help my hip/leg problem. I've been on a list with a chronic pain/management clinic for 5 years, suffering waiting for physio.

As I was leaving I said to them, "because I look normal, like this, noone understands my symptoms or seems to believe I have them" for them to give me the pity head tilt, the childlike-sympathy a grazed knee gets, the "oh I know" the way a teenage breakup is handled.

Is there ever going to be a sense of understanding that goes beyond fellow spoonies, zebras & warriors alike?

I'm still wondering why the hell they asked me to go when really, nothing has happened, again.

Again, I had a doctors appointment, where I wish I hadn't bothered at all & my symptoms are now considerably worse as a result.

Does anyone else experience this type of thing or just understand? It's a lonely feeling when you always feel like you have nobody on your side.

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detransdamnation · 1 year

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Did you/do you take any psychiatric medications with or without success? Do you have an opinion of psychiatry as a whole?

sending you a hug or a cup of tea if you prefer.

Yes, I was put on an antidepressant shortly after I was diagnosed with dysphoria and other mental health conditions. My doctor thought it would help me manage my dysphoria until I started my medical transition.

It was an extremely negative experience. I've been chronically suicidal ever since I was about seven years old, and still to this day, I have never felt as terrible as I did when I was on that drug. I almost hung myself in my best friend's closet not even a week after I was put on it. Then, after that storm cleared, I just kind of... withered. Regardless, I would remain on the drug for years afterwards with increasing dosages because the doctors had no idea what else to do with me. It seemed the protocol, if one didn't respond in therapy, was to drug the person up—even if said person was insistent, from the get-go, that their treatment was making them worse.

I tried advocating for myself but the amount of control I had in the situation was minimal because I was still only a teenager at the time and brain-fogged to hell. My being mentally unwell in general, I believe, also affected my credibility in the eyes of doctors. After I was finally permitted to taper off, I swore that I would never put myself through psychiatry again—if not for my own sanity, then out of refusal to be at the mercy of people who have the power to force me to continue taking pills lest I be labelled "a problem," or all the same, take them away when I need them most.

So, my opinion on psychiatry. I know there are a lot of thinkpieces discussing psychiatry being a pseudoscience, especially as of late. I neither agree nor disagree. I've not really delved into pieces relating to that specific topic, so I'm relatively clueless of the arguments and any studies or anecdotes which support them.

However, I am highly critical of it (psychiatry) at best, just as I am the current state of healthcare in general. I believe the psychiatric industry in its current state is overwhelmingly fundamentally similar to gender-affirming care insofar as masking symptoms rather than addressing conditions, as well as—often by nature—targeting vulnerable people who are all too often desperate to find a "quick fix" for their turmoil. I would feel uncomfortable purporting that psychiatric drugs should be abolished in their entirety because I understand they are truly necessary to manage mental health conditions in some individuals; however, I also believe they can be more maladaptive than empowering in the long-term and should therefore only be experimented with in urgent circumstances, or as an absolute last resort. Many mental illnesses are byproducts of our environment, whether in whole or in part, which strongly suggests that mental health treatment should involve not (exclusively) medication but removal of oneself from detrimental environments, and where not possible, life skills to help one to manage them.

All in all, I believe treatment constitutes a patient, of whom you generally eventually "let go" of once goals are accomplished and mental state has improved—but in these such worlds, psychiatry and the like, all too often, one creates a client, many of whom, even just anecdotally, never see an end to their suffrage even despite their long-term use of drugs which supposedly help them. I think I can, once again, acknowledge and support people who truly need medication to manage their mental health conditions whilst also expressing concern over the ethos of making people dependent on substances for their survival and functionability, particularly in cases wherein the mental illness(es) at hand can be demonstrably managed through self-help and lifestyle changes.

All this being said, my opinions have been shaped by very negative experiences, having grown up in a place where healthcare has been in shambles for more or less my entire life. You will receive a better, less biased opinion going to someone who has had a more well-rounded experience in psychiatry and healthcare.

Thank you for the kindness.

#submission #answered #writing #text #my post #rereading this days later and i'm so embarrassed i repeated myself so many times lmao

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skittidyne · 2 years

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After two years, three shots and an unmeasurable amount of masks, I've come down with the plague. Can I get company in my misery and know how the cast of ylg would act when sick or in isolation?

oh no! that sucks so much, i'm so sorry, anon. i've had it (probably) twice, and you can survive it! treat the symptoms as best you can while you isolate and rest.

vivienne has two sick modes. 1: loudly complain about every waking moment, seeking the utmost sympathy, swaddled in 10 million quilts, pointing out how she might REALLY die this time, and mixing every medicine and potion known to man (and some that aren't) in a very, very irresponsible manner. 2: she goes very quiet and hides to presumably sleep it off. this is the one where you actually have to keep an eye on her. (general tip for vivienne wrangling: if she goes quiet, go after her.)

dana is The Workaholic. she's not sick! she's fine! it's just allergies/a sniffle/a little tiny itsy bitsy cold! plus they're so understaffed, how could she take off when she feels fine!

(if ylg took place in universe where covid happened, she'd mask religiously, and especially while she had a Very Tiny Not Really Serious illness. that said, it doesn't, and she isn't aware enough of eastern country norms to know that masking while sick is a thing.)

everyone at the bookstore ends up sick when dana gets sick because she never takes sick days.

emil is FIRMLY of the notion that nothing can't be cured by either tylenol or tums. luckily for him, he's a pretty hale teenaged boy, so thus far, he's been proven right.

paradoxically, christine didn't get sick much as a kid. nowadays, she doesn't, either, but if she DID, she would quietly mope around until someone noticed and made her rest and drink liquids and eat soup. except then she would backseat-cook the soup. yes, even if it came out of a can.

isaac's sheer distaste for the world prevents him from getting sick*. also, one of his only friends is a healer, so.

*he gets badly sick in canon in the third book so hahahahaha. but in his defense, that's more of... an allergy...?

sam is also immune to most illnesses by virtue of kinda being dead once and not being human now. he wouldn't know how to be sick. THAT SAID. can you imagine isaac suddenly caring for a sick demon? the most neurotic nurse in the world.

codi is too cool to get sick.

many of natalie's potions are made for curing things, so she relies on her own recipes for medicine when she's sick. (and when anyone she's close to is sick, too.) that said, you should not take them in the quantities she does... but she has to get back to work, so she's only hurrying up the process, right.

megan then comes over when natalie makes herself sicker off of overdosing on potions, because there's no true cure for the common cold, no matter how much of a potion-making genius you are.

megan refuses to get sick and they are very, very, very smug about this fact.

thomas can and will work until he passes out if he's sick. and he has! unfortunately, he's also the type to get sick kinda often, because a) he's just generally prone to it, b) if he's not prepped, he uses his own blood for blood magic, and blood loss does not a happy, healthy body make. he has not learned his lesson about this. he probably will not ever.

he is also the type to take ibuprofen (and the big horse pill kinds too) at the slightest drop of a hat. his bloodstream is probably 40% ibuprofen. i don't know how he hasn't gone into kidney failure yet, either.

heaven help us all if mark gets sick, because he makes it EVERYONE'S problem. somehow, he rarely gets truly sick, though, outside of migraines and headaches. for those, he tends to sleep it off and get burrito'd by many blankets.

whining on the internet is not enough for him. he probably buys adspace on social media to complain about being sick. it's a miracle fiona hasn't killed him yet.

#how to put the romance back in necromancy #i'm not accusing you of anything anon but interesting that a certain irish youtuber also came down with bad covid right now...#(i'm joking)#ask #anonymous

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willingcannibalvictim · 9 months

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gonna make a stop-motion object show so hers the outline (it’s called MASK btw)

MASK is an object show that follows the cast of characters who have been placed in mysterious plane where all is too big for them as punishment for their sins while they were alive. But, only one of them has a chance at revival gifted as a prize by the ominous narrator that determines their fate, their very creator.

The characters have not been told they have died, but it will be implied and found out by the characters.

Through a series of clues hunting and detective work (with a lot of problems along the way), our cast of characters discovers the said prize is a fraud, that nobody will make it out alive…unless they fight for their escape. Will they band together? Or will they crumble into isolation from their own bickering?

cast of characters (NAMES ARE PLACEHOLDER!)

Catty: A charismatic sand cat mask who is working as a puppet for the narrator. A pawn, one could say

Bottle Cap: A guy who’s just trying to make it, working a dead-end job at a gas station just to stay afloat

Maple: The first person Catty recruited, and eager to follow with Catty’s authority, even when those plans become…drastic

Pill Bottle: A suspicious and large person with a personality and voice as deep and mysterious as the sea

Lozenge: A man who is rumored to not be sure of how old he really is, but boy he can tell you so many stories

Mannequin: A graceful gal who claims to never be in the wrong and is quick to put herself over others

Sketchbook: An artistic gal who refuses to share everything about her, but always tries to be her best in the end.

Gauze: A temperamental, yet soft guy who wants nothing more than to be loved, to be seen.

Goggles: An insomniac who spends their days tinkering away at meaningless escapism

Yarn Ball: A carefree and playful little ball who while soft, can be very aggressive. can and will beat anybody’s ass

Sticker Roll: A free-roamer who is rumored to come from far, far away.

Vacuum: A tall guy from a poor family who’s a bit of a control freak

Keychain: Full of giddy and carefulness, keychain is always the best way to distract someone from their woes.

extra notes

i plan for this to be animated through stop motion using felt figures, the mysterious plane being my room (lol) and plan for the characters to be very small to prove for some challenges and way to develop a world in certain crevices.

Catty is the main antagonist and acts as the eyes and ears of the narrator, allowing them to speak into the other character’s heads. it’s a traitor, manipulating the naive Maple to its plans.

the figures for the characters will be made from felt with pipe-cleaners for arms and will not have names based on the object they are in the final cut. names used in this post for the cast of characters are subject to change and the names used are mainly placeholders for now.

#felix says stuff #felix’s object show #felix arts stuff #(i am counting this as arts stuff)#object shows #object oc #i hope this works!#g/t #technically g/t #removed a tag bc i got jumpscared

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tamerajedwards · 2 years

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DEALING WITH SEVERE ANXIETY and PTSD-My own story! And yes! Creative people are more likely to suffer from this-

T.Edwards

An interesting fact! Out of control anxiety can cause acid reflux. I should have put this together long ago. My acid reflux’s started in 2008 when I was in a stressful marriage that led to divorce. I never dealt fully with a lot of my issues from my past including that marriage. As I carried it forward it affected my health. The anxiety, which I refused to treat with medication and counseling at the time then turned into weight gain, stress and acid reflux. Fast forward 14 years, I have taken off 40 pounds, started counseling and I’m on day 3 with anxiety medication. I pray I can really turn my life around.

I keep a journal everyday which includes thoughts, foods and meds. Maybe it’s a bit OCD but I’m a girl who wants answers. Here’s something interesting. I was afraid to take anxiety medication because of possible side affects. I don’t like to feel uncomfortable not even for a second. Depression medication can do that too. It’s like taking off in an airplane ✈️. It can take a few weeks before reaching cruising altitude. On the way UP you can feel restless, twitchy, and creepy crawly sensations in your body that you may just want to take the meds and throw them in the garbage which is exactly what I did a few years back. I’m still not willing to try an antidepressant again. Millions of people are on them and I believe God gave us medications for a reason. So by all means I am supportive of this.

So here’s an interesting observation I made. Three nights ago I took my first anxiety pill and didn’t feel much, just a little sleepy and dizzy (which are side effects) then on night two I felt concerned- two hours after taking the pill I started feeling very noticeable creepy crawling sensations in my face and scalp. I reached up to rub my head and face to make it go away. I can be a side effect of several medications. It made me uncomfortable! It made me miserable and upset that the thing I’m trying to get away from —->ANXIETY was the one thing taking this medication was giving me back! I did happen to take note that I was watching a movie called “13 Lives”. This is the movie about 13 soccer players and their coach trapped in a cave in Thailand for over 2 weeks during monsoon season. Rescuers had to dive into the cave and it took over 3 hours to reach them, then they had to sedate them to bring them out which took another 3 hours under the water in tight spaces just to bring them out. I guess I was more tense than I realized. Although I love movies like this, they aren’t good for me.

So on night three I took the anxiety pill expecting the weird sensations to return, but this time they didn’t. So at this point in time what I can conclude is that the movie gave me anxiety and the ants crawling on my face and scalp sensation. This means that circumstances such as this can overstimulate your parasympathetic nervous system. I had actually put myself in the cave with those boys and tried to figure out how I might get out if that was me. My imagination is so strong. It always has been. I’m a hugely creative person. My greatest strength in life is also my Achilles heel. Isn’t that how life goes?

Psychotherapist Diana Pitaru explained that anxiety is often felt by creative people even if the symptoms vary from one person to another. It's not uncommon to learn that creative people like artists, singers, actors, and writers struggle with mental health issues such as anxiety.Feb 28, 2022

Many people turn to recreational drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, and many other elements that are only bandaids that only mask dealing with problems head on. I am not immune to this either. Maybe that’s why you hear of so many Hollywood people crashing and burning, or going to rehab or worse yet, dying. We each must deal with this on our own. We certainly don’t need to hear people saying, “Just get over it! Why are you feeling that way? Just stop feeling anxious.” We did not order this. It’s not like we want depression and anxiety to take over our bodies. Sometimes it happens with no reason at all. What we do need is supportive people in our lives. Not ones who abandon us in the middle of a panic attack or health issue. Surround yourselves with supportive people and get rid of unsupportive people. They aren’t ready to understand until it happens to them.

The one thing I want you all to take from my blog is that NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE should ever be ashamed or shamed for having Depression, anxiety, Bi Polar, Autism, PTSD, OCD, or any other condition. You should feel love and support from everyone around you. It’s just like having any other physical illness in your body. There is no shame.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. May you all find peace, health, and happiness in your life!

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aibidil · 2 years

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A lot of people like to talk big shit about how self-diagnosis and self-treatment of medical problems using internet research is the height of narcissistic internet absurdity and an example of millennial and gen z women letting the internet rot our brains

Meanwhile

A friend of mine with a dad, brother, and two kids formally diagnosed with ADHD and a lifetime of symptoms finally went to get a diagnosis for herself and was told that her problems were due to being unhappy in her marriage, not ADHD

A friend of mine in an excruciating flare of chronic pain including recovery from a vulva biopsy was asked by a doctor if she'd tried yoga

A doctor once told me that I should go ahead with a radiation treatment that wasn't indicated for young women because "well, it'll probably make you infertile, yeah, but you'll have enough money to do IVF in like ten years so that's ok"

Doctors routinely prescribe antibiotics to breastfeeding moms who have thrush even though antibiotics make fungal infections worse

Every new doctor I tell I have EDS asks me to do the hypermobility party tricks because they want to see them, even though they should know that doing those movements isn't good for my body

Doctors refuse to advise parents to give their constipated kids enemas, one going so far as to tell me that it would give my kid psychological issues, blatantly allowing a homophobic fear of penetration to stand in the way of proper medical care for kids who don't respond to miralax

An old man obgyn once told me, when I informed him that I was going off the pill, that he was sure he would see me soon, because I would change my mind because "women are happier on the pill."

Girls with autism and adhd are completely underdiagnosed and parents' concerns dismissed because the girls are too smart or too good at masking

I have friends whose doctors will refuse to even discuss treating infertility until they lose a certain number of pounds, quite literally refusing medical care on the basis of weight

Sure, there's a lot of misinformation on the internet, and you need to be careful and sift through it all. And at some point you'll need the input of doctors and tests to confirm your hunches, etc. (Which you may only have access to if you have $.) But how can you honestly look at this situation and NOT think the only solution is for us to research everything ourselves? To diagnose ourselves? To figure out what the best-practice treatment is so that you can question suggestions? When misogyny is so rampant in a Healthcare system, how can women ever make sure we're cared for properly? And if you're also poor, or uneducated, or fat, or bipoc, or trans, or a non-native-English speaker?!?! FORGET IT

I'll be over here in my internet groups where women put in countless hours compiling medical research with citations and sharing health conditions and treatments and experiences. Because the village witches have always been the ones to figure this shit out and also the ones to get blamed whenever something goes wrong—only now the village witches are compiling 100-page detailed guides on Facebook groups on how to combat iron deficiency, while the doctors refuse to even test our ferritin levels. I'll brave the medical offices when I need to, armed with my advance research to combat the bullshit I will inevitably encounter as I try to access to care I need

#tw doctors #tw healthcare #doctors #healthcare #misogyny #misogyny in medicine #I diagnosed myself and my kid with adhd #and then had it confirmed #I diagnosed both my kids with dyslexia #and then had them both confirmed #I diagnosed myself with EDS and MCAS and POTS #and then had them confirmed #I figured out how to treat my kids' encopresis through an online group and had to lie to our doctor #we have to do everything ourselves around here #so yes not downplaying that there's problems in this system #but what the fuck else could you expect us to do #raaaaaaant

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roroyaoi87 · 2 years

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The Seance couples: Hanahaki (Klive)

Nobody asked me for this drabble, but I wanted to write it. So I dedicate it to my dear @riry20 and @entusiastshipper. Of course, this is also for all of you. I hope you like it,

The first time Klaus knew something was wrong with him was when he was twelve years old, he had simply been watching Viktor and Five studies in the library, seeing the complicity between them, the affection shining in Five's eyes, and the smiles they share between them, was enough to make his chest feel heavy, almost as if he couldn't breathe.

He doesn't think anything of it and turns his eyes to his homework, next to him Ben works quietly, helping Diego whenever he sees him struggling with math problems.

But when he hears Five's laughter he can't help but turn to look at Number Five and that's the first time his torture begins. He has to run to the bathroom because his brothers turn to look at him in surprise when he won't stop coughing.

The harder he tries to stop the coughing, the worse it gets.

He doesn't think much of it, it has started to get cold and he has always been a sickly child, besides, the mausoleum was very cold at night. Maybe, if he behaved, his father would let him wear a coat or he could take advantage of the situation, like when he broke his jaw, Grace would give him pills for the pain, and Five would come back to look after him. That would be great.

It's not until he spits out an orange petal that he starts to worry. As far as he knows from anatomy and health classes, he shouldn't spit out petals after a coughing fit.

Is it a useless new power, or is there something more dangerous going on?

Maybe he should talk to his mother, but he doesn't want his father to know, especially since they will soon be introduced to society as "Umbrella Academy". So he keeps the petal in his jacket pocket. Hoping it's the last and only time that happens to his body.

Ben convinces him to talk to Grace. He does, his mother checks carefully and inevitably his father finds out. Pogo and his mother looked confused and perhaps a little concerned, but his father sends him to his room, claiming his discomfort is from the cigarettes he smokes.

A few days later they have their Superheroes presentation and it is wonderful, the best part of the evening is not that they have defeated the thieves, but that Five allows him to lean on his shoulder. That brief contact makes the pain in his chest magically subside.

Five looks beautiful in the mask and that confident smile. In the night he spits out another petal, he recognizes it, it's from a tulip. Seeing it reminds him of Five and he ends up keeping the new petal with the other one.

Months later, Five is gone and that night, while trying not to cry because he is choking from coughing, he spits out a whole flower, a small blue flower that reminds him of Five's eyes. He keeps the flower with the other petals he has accumulated over the months. They are Gerbera petals, representing first and innocent love, and tulips, signifying sincere love. Now he has spat out a whole flower of "Forget me not", the flower that represents eternal love, even beyond death.

He can no longer deny that there is something wrong with him. The problem is that he doesn't know what's wrong with him and he's not sure he wants to know.

At the age of 22, after having accumulated hundreds of little "forget-me-nots" and petals of different flowers from chrysanthemums, carnations, and lilies, he discovers what he has.

No, he does not have a useless power. He has a sickness called Hanahaki or flower sickness or unrequited lovesickness. It is not a common illness but it is not unknown either, and there is even a treatment to cure it.

It is a simple surgery, they remove the plant that grows in his lungs, and in doing so the patient forgets the person he is in love with. He refuses to have the surgery and forgets Filip.

Ben looks at him with sad eyes and makes sure to drown himself in as much alcohol and drugs as possible. The drugs help him not to feel...broken and incomplete.

Who knew love could be so painful?

It doesn't matter, anyway, according to the doctors, he doesn't have much time left. Hopefully, they'll serve cucumber sandwiches at his funeral.

It's ironic and reassuring to know that he's going to die again, only this time, it will be for good. He's not coming back to life after this death. His powers are gone and he has strangely reached a point where he feels at peace.

He has lived with the Hanahaki for over 20 years, far more than half his life and there is not a moment when he remembers what it was like to breathe without choking on petals and stalks growing in his lungs.

Each time he died, the sickness returned to zero. It's been a year since his sister and Reginald rebooted the world and lost their powers. He doesn't have much time left and he knows it. So he tries to be a good brother, the good brother he couldn't be for Ben: he helps Luther to find Sloane, he also helps Diego and Lila with the baby preparations and makes sure to support Viktor at every concert.

He even visits Allison and assures her that he loves her and is happy that she has her daughter and husband back. The rest of his siblings still find it hard to forgive their sister, but they will, Klaus knows they will. There is nothing that brings his family closer together than weddings and funerals, and they will soon have one. So everything will be fine.

He also helps Ben, even though this Ben isn't HIS Ben, he's learned to love him even when he's being a grumpy jerk most of the time.

The only person he stays away from is Five. His illness gets worse in Number Five's presence and Five is still trying to adjust to his new adult body, to not having his powers, and to university. Five doesn't need to worry about him.

The only problem he has is Ben. Of course Ben, no matter what Ben was, would find out what was going on with him.

" I talked to Allison, I have the money for the surgery," Ben tells him trying to feign nonchalance but Klaus can see that vein in his forehead stand out. That only happens when he's angry or worried.

"What surgery, Benerino?" he asks while smiling "Don't tell me you're getting a penis enlargement".

"Shut up, you idiot" he sounds angry and Klaus mentally congratulates himself because he knows that Ben will go slamming the door and won't speak to him for a few days. But that doesn't happen, Ben doesn't leave. "Klaus...please" is the first time Ben begs him. He reminds him so much of Ben. "I lost my whole family, I don't want to lose you too. Talk to Allison, maybe she can help you."

It's not fair but he simply can't refuse. Ben is also good at manipulating people.

Allison agrees to help him. It's not like he had to beg her or anything. Just when his sister finds out what he's going through, she assures him that she'll do everything in her power to help him if she can't get rid of the disease with the rumor ( he never thought of that), then she'll pay for the surgery.

"Maybe you should tell him" his sister mentions, casually.

"Who?" he asks with a mouth full of food, no one knows who he's in love with.

"Five" is his sister's quiet, intelligent reply "You're not the most discreet person, Klaus. You've had this crush on Five since you were thirteen."

"Eleven" he corrects "I was eleven when I thought Five was cute."

"Five would never hurt you," his sister assures him.

"That's the problem, Ally," he says, feeling bitter and sad, he can feel his chest feeling more compressed and that familiar tickle in his throat is driving him crazy "What do you think Five will do if he knows I'm dying because he doesn't reciprocate my feelings?" his voice rises higher than he wants it to, but he feels exhausted, he hasn't been able to sleep in days "Uh? Tell me. You know him as well as I do. He'll pretend to love me but in the end, we'll be unhappy, and I'll end up dying and then Five will feel guilty" He has to cover his mouth with a paper napkin so his sister won't see the blood gushing from his mouth.

"Don't be dramatic, Klaus, and don't underestimate Five or his feelings. He's been worried about you. He's even called me to ask about you and I'm not his favorite sister right now," says his only sister, "Just talk to him."

He's not going to.

He doesn't have time anymore, his body collapses as he argues with Allison.

Viktor's call gets him out of bed and he runs full speed to the hospital, never regretting losing his powers as much as he does right now when all he wants to do is get to Klaus' side. In his head all he can think about is Klaus.

Klaus has Hanahaki and is in the last stage.

No. No. No. No. He can't lose Klaus, that's just not something that can happen. Klaus always seemed so carefree and happy. How could that happen without him noticing? Why didn't Klaus say anything? Why keep something so important to himself? Was it because of Dave? Was it because of Ben? Who was the cause of Klaus' pain?

The receptionist gives him a pitying look as she tells him where to go, doesn't even wait for the lift, goes up the stairs as fast as his legs will allow, and has to pause as he tries not to look like a mad person.

"The doctors say it's too late to perform the surgery" Ben's voice makes him slow down. Allison and Ben haven't seen him. "The only thing they can do is keep him sedated, so he doesn't die in pain."

His chest starts to ache as if something ugly and dark is growing inside him.

"The rumor doesn't work either" Allison looks resigned, how dare she give up? It was Klaus' life they were talking about.

"This is Five's fault."

What?

"Don't blame Five. Klaus never confessed, even to the end he was stubborn about telling Five." Allison defends him, but Five doesn't care about that.

Oh. This is his fault. Klaus wasn't dying for Dave or Ben, Klaus is dying for him.

"Where is he?" he asks, letting his sister and Ben know of his presence. They both look guilty but Five cares very little about how they feel right now. He'll sort things out later, now he has to save Klaus.

He has to tell him how he feels.

Allison points to Klaus' room and Five isn't sure how he was able to get there, but when he enters Klaus is hooked up to several machines that help him breathe, and just as Ben mentioned, Klaus is sedated so he won't suffer.

"The doctors say there's a chance he might be able to hear us," his sister communicates.

Allison says other things but he can't hear her, his brain is too busy going over every moment that Klaus could have given him some indication that he was in love with him. There are many but he never paid attention, too busy trying to save his family.

How ironic!

Carefully, as if Klaus is going to break, he takes Klaus' hand, kissing the knuckles.

"Hey, Klaus" he greets, wishing the brunette would answer him. "Please" he begs, resting his head on the chestnut's chest "Don't leave me, darling" he pleads, feeling exhausted.

He continues to murmur words of love, longing to be heard. He can't lose Klaus. He can't.

Allison closes the door to the room. Whatever is going to happen, now it's only up to Five and Klaus.

#the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #klive #harcest #tua klive #hanahaki #open ending

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xsugarysweetsx · 3 years

Note

Congrats on 2k mama sweet,,,!! :))

Since there is no sk8 requests yet how about option 2 - Kaoru x reader <3 Had this thought after reading ur arranged marriage fic... how about at the start of the marriage reader thinks that Kaoru is cheating on her when he sneaks out at night but after he tells her about S, reader feels kinda silly for thinking so.. next thing you know Kaoru is taking reader to all the beefs as his lucky charm. Reader even has a matching costume and the others start calling her "Lady Cherry" or smth,, teaches reader to skate (she's lowkey jealous of carla >.<) + some domestic fluff (what if reader finds out she's pregnant....) This doesn't have to be connected to the other fic & you can ignore the cheating part if u like... :-*

A/N: :0 Lady Cherry is a super smart name!

other fic here

Please enjoy~🍰

*******************************************************

There he went again...

The sliding door of your shared room altered you from your sleep. This was the 6th night in a row that he left without a word in the middle of the night. The first 2 nights you thought he was simply tending to business and was just busy. After the 4th day, you were suspicious and a bit hurt. He did tell you he didn’t want to hurt you and treat you right....so where was he going?

This was another night he had gotten up, so instead of staying in bed you followed him.

“Carla, make sure to lock the doors when I leave“ he said to his AI

“Yes, master“ you scoffed. You had to admit the stupid computer got on your nerves. He practically loved talking to her and every time she answered him, he gets all giddy. You were really jealous but you wish he’d get that way with you.

Just as he was going to leave you called for him

“Kaoru?“ he froze and turned around “It’s late...“ you said coming closer to him. That’s when you noticed what he was wearing, he was in a sleeveless yukata with a black mask over his face, and a...skateboard?

“Y/N I...um...“ being that he can’t speak about S he was contemplating whether to tell you or not. But you were his wife and he wanted to be open with you on everything. However what you said next caught him off guard

“...if there’s someone else please just tell me...“ and the way you looked when you said it just broke his heart. Did you really think he was cheating? Even though this was arranged, he couldn’t ask for someone better to be his wife. You were smart, shy but bright, not to mention beautiful.

“Y/N“ he walked to you and rests his hand on your shoulder “I would never cheat on you and I assure you there is no one else.”

“Then why do you leave at night?“ you ask

“*Sigh*....I go skating.“ he said bluntly. There was nothing to hide from you and it was all true

“...huh“ he lifted his board for you to see

“Some friends and I go skateboarding in a secret location for races and such. We only go at night so we go unnoticed.“ he held up a small pin “It’s called S..now that you know you can’t tell anyone. Now go throw something on, we’re heading out.“

Just as he said you were heading out in the dead of night. And of course you had to ride on Carla, every time he spoke to her it was like he was talking to his crush. As you approach a gate with two guards he gives you a larger sticker of the letter ‘S’. You show them to security and make it inside where people had started screaming. You knew he was popular among women but this was more than you thought

“Lord Cherry!!” one screamed

“Kao-”

“Cherry” he interrupted

“What?”

Getting his bike to a stop he helps you off and says “we don’t use our real names here for security reasons. Here I’m Cherry blossom.”

So what he was telling you was true. You honestly felt a bit silly for jumping to conclusions so quickly. Before he was off to what he called a ‘beef’ he introduced you to JOE. You were surprised to see the popular chef here as well, although you knew they had been friends for years. The large screen in the area showed you just how goof he was at this.

He was fast but graceful, sharp an precise on corners. The crowd only cheered louder than before.

“So, you’re the one he’s been talking about huh?“ Joe asked

“He’s been...talking about me?“ you asked

He nodded “He was gone for like 3 days in a row not to mention he was brushing off more women now. That’s when he told us there was someone he wanted to be loyal to.” okay, now you felt really silly. After the race was done and over with Cherry had made his way back to you. He comes and embarrass you and whispers in your ear

“You brought me good luck.“ you felt your heart skip a beat from the feeling of being close to him

“oooo, look at Lord Cherry with his lady~“

“Shut up you big oaf!!“

During the next few months you had gone with him to almost every beef. You had even gained a name for yourself, ‘Lady Cherry’. You had become quite popular among some men there and even cherry’s female fans. He would usually bring you as his ‘lucky charm’, it was cheesy but sweet at the same time. They also had a habit of saying

“The Cherries have arrived“

On his free time he would actually taught you how to skate, well he tried anyway. Balance wasn’t exactly easy and being from a traditional family, this was unusual for you. You’d be holding on to his shoulders while his hands held your waist

“Don’t let me fall“

“You’re doing just fine dear. Why don’t we try some tricks“ he offered

“Are you sure you’re the man I married?“ you ask with a smirk

“The one and only dear“ he kissed your cheek

It was honestly so cute to him. You’d have a scared but excited look on your face. Your cheeks would turn pink and it just made his heart fluttered. On top of all that you were willing to indulge in something he has loved from a young age. He always took you with him to each beef he attended. Both for showing you off an he is in love with the idea of winning every race for not just himself but for you as well.

Although tonight you wouldn’t make it to the beef. He was going to race Joe but that was put on hold. You had been feeling sick all day and you just finished emptying your stomach. As much as you told him to go, he refused to leave.

“You’re my wife and you’re clearly not okay“ he said helping you up off the floor “you come before any beef or competition. Now come on, let’s get you to the hospital and get you checked out.“

A short drive to the general hospital was taken that night. No, he would not wait until tomorrow morning. He wanted to know that you were okay and didn’t have anything terminal. After speaking with the nurse and giving some blood and urine samples you both patiently waited. You leaned against him playing with the digits of his fingers.

*Knock knock* “Ma’am we have your results” the doctor says holding up a couple of papers and even some medicine. “well, you’re clear for any terminal conditions or diseases. although you have some hormonal imbalances and some new ones kicking in.”

“Meaning?“ Kaoru urged him on

“Congratulations, you’re 4 weeks pregnant.“

“....“ you both sat in shock at the news. You were pregnant? Well, you two were active, and maybe Kaoru has his own little rituals. Either after or before a beef he’d get frisky and was set on pleasing you both. It shouldn’t have been a surprise that this would have happened, still it was shocking news

“These are some prenatal vitamins you’ll need to take for the month. Make sure to make an appointment to check on the baby alright?” giving you the vile of pills he takes his leave leaving you both in silence. What were you supposed to say? How were you going to deal with this? Were you even ready?

“-together.“ you didn’t catch his whole sentence

“I’m sorry what was that?” you ask him

“We’ll this together alright?“ he took your hand in his “believe me I’m as shocked as you are but, we’ll figure this out together okay?“

“Alright“ you smile back

“We should probably start with a bigger house for the three of us“

“Kaoru, come on it’s just paint I can-“

“You are not moving a muscle“ he cut you off “I want you to rest all you can. You’re making a baby and that’s enough.“

To say he was strict during your pregnancy was an understatement. As soon as your belly started showing you were no longer going to beefs with him. You were currently 6 months along, and expecting a girl! Kaoru was over the moon to know it was a girl. he would have been happy with a boy too, but a little copy of you was like a dream. He couldn't wait to see the little girl that would look like you and act like him.

Today was nursery day, which meant painting, building and organizing. Kaoru had you only fold and organizing the clothes and things while he painted. Of course being your idea you had called the boys over to help. Joe was building some stuff along with Shadow. Langa and Reki were actually helping to paint the walls.

“I appreciate you guys coming to help“ you smile

“Hey it’s no problem, at least you told us about it“ Joe commented. Oh yeah, he also wanted to keep it a secret so that

‘the idiot wouldn’t ruin your pregnancy‘ which made you laugh for a good 5 minutes. But they were very good help and made the process easier

“Hey so what are you naming the baby?“ Reki asked

“Well, Kaoru kind of wanted to associate it with his skate name so we agreed on Sakura.“

“AAWWHH“ everyone said out load slightly teasing him. Without turning from the wall he said

“....I just wanted a beautiful name for her was all.“ although he was cold at times they knew he meant well especially for his family. A while late Joe made a small dinner for you all to enjoy. You thanked them for coming over and you were done for the night. You were putting on some lotion over your rounded middle when Kaoru came behind you. He wrapped his arms around and over your own hands and rested there for a moment

“Who would have thought we’d be here huh?” You whisper

“In all honesty I was hoping for it” he admired “before we married you were described as a caring and sweet woman. But you were so much more once we were married. You’re compassionate, intelligent, stubborn, beautiful, and absolutely perfect” he said kissing the side of your head “and now, you’ve given me the gift of being a father. Thank you”

Turning in his hold you wipe away small tears “oh Kaoru , thank you too. You’ve treated me like I’m the only person you need. On top of that you take care of me but still give me my freedom. I love you..”

“And I love you” he rests his forehead against yours as his fingers trace over your baby bump.

*******************************************************

I hope this was okay!❤️

#kaoru sakurayashiki x reader #kaoru sakurayashiki #cherry blossom x reader #sk8 the infinity x reader #sk8 the infinity #sk8 cherry blossom #cherry blossom #sk8 the infinity fanfic #sk8 fanfic #sk8 x reader #sk8 kaoru #anime #anime x reader #arranged marriage au #sk8 the infinity fluff #anime fanfiction #fanfiction #sk8 the infinity pregnant

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m3kuroshirt · 3 years

Text

House of Assassins Part Three

Links to Part One, Part Two

Word Count: 2704

Warnings: None

Ichigo had a Problem. And that Problem’s name was Grimmjow. For the past two months, the strong, handsome, sometimes brash, and very, very forward man seemed to show up almost everywhere Ichigo went. And yes, Ichigo liked looking at his pretty eyes and his strong chest and his smug grin. But also, Ichigo had jobs. Dangerous jobs. How was he supposed to complete them with a civilian hanging around him all the time, and not give himself away? Whether he enjoyed Ichigo’s company or not, he was almost certain that Grimmjow would go running to the cops like a good citizen if he knew the true nature of Ichigo’s work.

Which is why, on a Thursday, Ichigo was outside perched on a park bench…at one in the morning. He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands briefly. His head was fuzzy from being awake all day and then dragging himself out to the park so late…early?...but he needed to try and keep his wits about him. The man he was meeting was known for his…games. And Ichigo had no intention of getting strung along. Especially as the man was a friend of Kisuke’s. Ichigo really had to wonder at that man’s definition of friendship…did he think it just meant ‘person who hasn’t killed me yet’? Ichigo shook his head with a sigh.

“That’s a pretty dramatic sigh,” a low voice commented. Ichigo turned to look over his shoulder. In the moonlight he could see a shadow of a figure standing several feet away. “Life got you down?” The figure approached now that he knew he had Ichigo’s attention. As he stepped closer, Ichigo could make out more details. Long dark wavy hair pulled back in a low ponytail. A suit that looked slightly disheveled as if the person had taken a nap in it. Scruff around the chin and five o’ clock shadow on his cheeks. A tired-looking face with a kind expression, but with eyes as sharp as the blades he figured had to be concealed somewhere on the man’s person. After all, Shunsui Kyoraku was known for wielding dual swords.

The man was beside the bench now. He gestured to the empty space next to Ichigo. “Mind if I join you?”

Ichigo shrugged, feigning indifference. He didn’t dare let the other man see how intimidated he felt. “Do what you want.”

Shunsui eased himself onto the bench with a sigh. “You know, I was a little surprised at the time Kisuke suggested. It’s not easy for an old man like me to get out and about at all hours of the night anymore,” he spoke with the air of a man commenting on the weather, but Ichigo knew there was another meaning to his words. ‘You better be worth the effort I’m making to see you’ was the unspoken threat in the older man’s eyes when Ichigo met his gaze. Ichigo stared back at him calmly, brown eyes determined and unwavering. Shunsui must have liked what he saw there, because he smiled suddenly. He turned to face forward, observing the empty park in the silvery light of the moon and stars. “You know, there’s a new pharmaceutical company in town. Pretty interesting, actually, they say they have a new drug. One that’s supposed to enhance the user’s fitness and strength, optimize calorie use, cut down reaction time, and just overall make a person physically…better.”

“Do they?” Ichigo wasn’t stupid. He’d heard of Hueco Mundo Pharmaceuticals. He’d even seen promos for their so-called ‘miracle pill’. To the average person it probably sounded ‘too good to be true’. To those desperate enough to try it, they probably believed it was a bit embellished. To Ichigo? He figured it probably did all those things exactly as advertised. He’d been around Kisuke long enough to know things that seemed impossible were rarely actually so. But he wondered what a person had to sacrifice to reap the benefits of that ‘miracle pill’.

“They do.” Shunsui’s voice had lowered and his tone was more serious now. “Naturally, Unohana looked into it.” Ichigo felt his lips quirk upward slightly at the mention of Unohana Retsu, the number one pharmacist in the city, and Kisuke and Tessai’s personal supplier for both medications and poisons. Though, he couldn’t help the twinge of unease in his chest. If Unohana looked into it, there was most definitely something wrong. The woman didn’t get involved personally where she didn’t have to. Even with Tessai and Kisuke, she insisted they were customers and business was not to be discussed outside of work-hours when she visited for tea.

“And?”

“Shinji. Hiyori. Kensei. Hanataro. Four of her top employees are missing.”

Ice gripped Ichigo’s soul and he felt dread wash over him. His hands clenched into fists and a frown settled onto his face. “Does she know what happened?”

A light breeze stirred the night air, tugging gently at Shunsui’s long hair and making a shiver roll down Ichigo’s spine. “They were sent to find out information. Not even infiltrate, just act as customers. Each of them disappeared after receiving one shipment of the medication. We don’t even know if they ingested any. There’s no trace of them, and the only hint we even had that they managed to get the medication was the packaging found in their homes.” Shunsui paused for a moment and let the information sink in. Then he continued, “Until yesterday. Unohana received an unlabelled, unmarked package. It had a disc inside.”

Ichigo’s mouth went dry. Images of the four employees, people he might even dare to call friends, rushed through his mind. “What…what was on the disc?” he asked. His voice was strained, and he hated the emotion it gave away, but Shunsui didn’t look at him, didn’t even blink.

“You’d have to see it to believe it,” was all he answered, his voice uncharacteristically soft and saddened. He cleared his throat. “You know how Unohana is. She has her pride. There’s no way she’s letting this go. But she can’t act on her own. Four of her best are out of action, and she’s in the eye of the public as a charitable public figure, advocating for health care and all that. Isane is pulling more than triple her usual amount of work. There’s no one else. She reached out to me, but…well.”

Ichigo closed his eyes and swallowed the bile that threatened to rise up in his throat. “Well what? You’re not usually one to outsource to Kisuke,” he prompted, trying to keep his mind off the inevitable fate of his friends. Shunsui sighed.

“You’re aware that two of our squad captains…defected last year and went rogue.”

Ichigo gave a short, disbelieving laugh. “You’re kidding. You’re not telling me they joined Hueco Mundo?”

“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. And that’s why I can’t send my people after them. Gin and Tousen know all of them. Hell, Tousen trained more than half of them. We’d get nothing but a bunch of dead spies if I sent anyone after them.” Shunsui didn’t try to hide his frustration. He clasped his hands together so tightly the knuckles turned white, and he fixed a glare at the shadows in the distance. He took a deep breath in and rolled his shoulders back, stretching his neck. “Unohana doesn’t want to just hit the company where it hurts. She wants to obliterate them. Cut off their head, so to speak.” Shunsui finally turned to face Ichigo again. Ichigo met his gaze calmly, doing his best not to give away the roiling rage, the burning fear, the sickening unease that settled into his gut. “I’m asking you to take the job. You’ll be well compensated, once the head of the company is dead.”

Ichigo took one breath. In and out. Then another. Nice and easy. His restless thoughts cleared away like clouds sailing on the wind. There was only one choice; from the moment he’d been asked to go by Kisuke he’d made up his mind. He wouldn’t back out now.

“I’ll do it.”

***

The streetlights cast a warm glow as the limousine sped to his home. Ichigo hadn’t been able to refuse Shunsui’s offer to escort him home, especially when the walk to the park had been cold enough on its own. And he trusted Nanao’s driving.

“You’ve grown a lot since I last saw you,” Shunsui commented, a fonder look on his face now that he wasn’t talking business. Ichigo shrugged.

“I was fifteen.” He kept his answers short, to the point. Regardless who he knew, or for how long, Ichigo would rather not be too trusting of Shunsui. The man ran a spy ring, after all. He had to be one of the most dangerous players in the game of life in Karakura Town. And Ichigo had been evading him for a while.

As if understanding his intentions, the older man chuckled and reached out. Ichigo tensed but didn’t move away as Shunsui ruffled his bright orange hair. “Keep your distance all you want, but I promise I’m not trying to recruit you again. Kisuke and Yoruichi both made it clear you’re not looking for a new boss. But I do have to say I miss seeing all you kids. You sure were a lively bunch whenever Kisuke brought you around.” Shunsui’s hand withdrew and Ichigo felt himself relax again.

“It’s your own fault you don’t see us,” Ichigo reminded the other man, giving him a cold glare. Shunsui blinked, eyes widening for a fraction of a second with surprise. Something flashed in his expression, but Ichigo didn’t quite catch it before Shunsui’s easy-going mask of a smile was back in place.

“Well,” he laughed, and it almost sounded genuine, “I suppose you’re right about that.” The limo pulled to a stop in front of his house. Ichigo hastily exited the vehicle, and just about slammed the door behind him, but Shunsui spoke again. “Wait. You’ve forgotten something.”

Ichigo turned around, mouth open to snap at the man, only to see him holding Ichigo’s phone, which he’d left on the seat next to him. Ichigo snapped his mouth shut and reached for the phone, but Shunsui snatched his hand back, a smile playing on his lips like it did when he used to tease the kids as he watched over them for Kisuke. Ichigo narrowed his eyes. He was in no mood to play this game.

“Give me my phone back, old man,” he grumbled.

“Ichigo?” a familiar voice called and Ichigo felt the blood drain from his face. He glanced to the side and, sure enough, there was Grimmjow, standing in his front yard in a pair of sweats and a tank top. He opened his mouth and shut it, no words coming out. Why the hell is he outside at this time of night? This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. This is why I requested the meeting time. What in the fuck?!

Seemingly realizing Ichigo was in a tough position, Shunsui decided to have mercy. He held the phone out again. Ichigo glanced at him and snatched the phone out of his hand. He gave the old man a glare, and Shunsui just smiled back at him as Ichigo slammed the door shut. The limousine pulled away. Ichigo took in a deep breath and turned around to face Grimmjow, only to find the blue-haired man standing right in front of him.

***

Grimmjow had been sleeping…not so well. Despite the announcement from Jinta two months ago, it felt less like Ichigo wanted to date him and more like he wanted to avoid him. It was weird. The other man always smiled and greeted him, but he’d seemed more and more tired and less and less enthusiastic. Maybe the kid read it wrong? Maybe Grimmjow read it wrong? Maybe they were all wrong and Ichigo was embarrassed and too polite to say so? He groaned and rubbed his hands on his face. He snuck a look at his bedside clock and groaned again. Two fourty-five? Fuck. Are you kidding me? Grimmjow scowled. His throat was dry now. With a sigh, he heaved himself up and out of bed, padding down to the kitchen for a glass of water. He was reaching for a glass when light flooded through the gaps in the curtains. Grimmjow paused and frowned. He abandoned his original objective to see who would be paused in front of his home at ass-o-clock in the morning.

He couldn’t quite see from the window, so he opened the front door and stepped outside. The car was long, a limousine, he could see now, in the light of the streetlamp and the headlights. It was parked in front of Ichigo’s house. Grimmjow waited as the door opened and a familiar figure stepped out. He squinted, but when the figure turned back toward the vehicle, he got a better look at their face.

“…Ichigo?” he called out. The figure started, and then Ichigo was meeting his gaze in the dim streetlight. He looked…afraid? There must have been a commotion from the limo, because Ichigo turned back to it, and reached in to grab something. Grimmjow frowned. His actions didn’t look natural or relaxed, but tense and on-guard. He started toward the limo, worried if he took his eyes off his neighbour for a second that he would be snatched back into the limo and disappear forever.

As if on a cue, right as he reached him Ichigo slammed the door shut and the limo sped away. Ichigo turned, as if expecting Grimmjow to be in his yard still. His wide-eyed expression told Grimmjow the other man hadn’t expected him to be right in front of him. Grimmjow stared at him. Neither of them spoke. Neither of them moved. Ichigo’s eyes were dark in the dim light, with a lighter ring of amber around the outside of the iris. After the initial startle response, his gaze slowly softened and Grimmjow could see a sadness in his eyes. They both opened their mouths to speak at the same time, but stopped. Grimmjow gestured for Ichigo to continue.

Ichigo smiled at him gently. His face had a really warm glow in the soft streetlights now that the limo and its harsh lights were gone. “What are you doing out here so late?”

Grimmjow raised his eyebrows. “Could say the same to you.”

Ichigo ran a hand through his hair and tore his gaze away. “Asked you first,” he mumbled. Grimmjow pursed his lips but decided not to argue the point of who looked more out-of-place right now.

He rolled his shoulders, hairs on his arms prickling in the cold. “Couldn’t sleep. Went to get water, and I saw the light from the limo. So I came out to see who was parked out here in the middle of the night,” he replied shortly. Ichigo nodded, eyes still not meeting Grimmjow’s. “Your turn.”

Ichigo swallowed. “I was. Working.”

Grimmjow folded his arms. “Really.”

Ichigo looked at him now, brown eyes pleading. “That’s as much as I can tell you. Please. I’m sorry.” Grimmjow searched his eyes, but he found no lies in them.

“…are you alright, at least? You didn’t look too happy talking to…whoever that was.”

Ichigo’s hesitation said it all. Grimmjow kept his gaze fixed on him, staring at him intently, as if he could pull the answer out of Ichigo with only his gaze. The other man lowered his gaze, opened his mouth, closed it, opened it and closed it again. Finally, he just shook his head. “No. Not really,” he whispered, voice sounding strained. Discomfort settled in Grimmjow’s chest and he felt the urge to reach out, to touch, comfort, console…but he resisted. Instead, he dropped his arms to his sides.

“C’m ‘ere,” he directed, turning slightly toward his own home. Ichigo looked up, confusion etched into his face. Grimmjow jerked his head toward his house. “Come sit inside. I ain’t gonna be able to sleep and you look too wound up right now. We can talk, or whatever.” Ichigo blinked. Then he gave a soft smile.

“Yeah, ok. That sounds good.” And he followed Grimmjow into the house.

#grimmichi #jaegerjaquez grimmjow #kurosaki ichigo #m34gswrites #house of assassins #ch:shunsui #au #found family

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apollodrome · 4 years

Note

1- the logical thinking indicates that the most probably option is usually the correct option, for example, if a man has lung cancer the most likely option is that is lung cancer is related to his tabaquism, the same aplly on this case, if a person with morbid obesity has some kind of circulation problem then the most likely option is that is related to the weight of that person, now about your question, if you wanna know how morbid obesity relates to health problems then my answer is

2 - read a goddanm biology book (or just google it), the answer is right there, you dont need to ask a random person on the internet about that, and guess what, you cannot put links into asks so im unable to give you the link to any kind of article explaining that, if you wanna know the corelation then just search morbid obesity on wikipedia.

---

This ask is about this post where a woman's health issues are blamed by doctors on her weight, so she loses the weight, and when doctors see that her health issues have not gotten better, but have gotten worse, they order tests that they should have ordered months ago.

I think you misunderstand the point of the post. Let's take the obesity out of this. A woman goes to the doctor for severe cramps, sleepiness during the day, memory and balance problems. Doctors refuse to treat her. That's all there is to this issue - a woman has gone to a medical professional with a set of symptoms, and the medical professional did not test her for the conditions that have the above symptoms.

You give me an example in your ask of smokers having an increased risk of lung cancer, so let's apply this analogy here. A smoker goes to the doctor and says, "doctor, I have difficulty breathing, a painful cough that doesn't go away for months, I lost 50 pounds in less than a month, pain in my hands, fingers and chest." These are very common symptoms of lung cancer. So, what you're advocating for, is that the doctor should refuse to order any tests for the patient, tell them to stop smoking, and send them on their way. We know that some health risks are associated with obesity, in the same way that lung cancer is associated with smoking, so should we not be testing those people for those diseases more often?

People whose father has died of heart disease are at more risk of heart disease, so we test those people for heart disease when they mention they have symptoms. People whose family has ADHD are more at risk of having ADHD, so we test those people for ADHD when they mention they have symptoms. Why is obesity any different? If a disease has already developed, losing weight will do nothing except for decrease that initial risk, but it's past that already if they HAVE THE DISEASE. They have to be treated for the disease. Thin people can get heart attacks, and non smokers can get lung cancer or develop asthma, so why do those people go to the doctor with those symptoms and get tested, and obese people don't?

In some of your replies on that post, you have used this Wikipedia page as your source. On the same page, it says,

"While a majority of obese individuals at any given time are attempting to lose weight and often successful, research shows that maintaining that weight loss over the long term proves to be rare." (Wikipedia includes a reference for this, I've linked it here).

I am using the same research you are using to argue my point. If an obese individual walks into a doctor's office with symptoms of a heart condition, and is told to lose weight, they are basically sentenced to death. As we can see above, long term weight loss may lead to more health risks, and is actually very rare in most people (less than 1 in 100 obese people manage to lose the weight and stay at the new weight), and so if a doctor tells an obese person not to come back until she has lost all of the weight, she may actually die before she comes back to the doctor.

Obesity is an issue, and does increase the risks of some conditions. However, according to the same Wikipedia article you and I have both been using,

"obesity has individual, socioeconomic, and environmental causes, including diet, physical activity, automation, urbanization, genetic susceptibility, medications, mental disorders, economic policies, endocrine disorders, and exposure to endocrine-disrupting chemicals."

I don't want to assume you're enough of a heartless monster to say "obese people brought this on themselves and therefore deserve to suffer and die due to medical malpractice" as a response to my above point, but JUST IN CASE YOU WERE, that's a whole lot of people you're condemning. You're condemning children who grow up in poverty and whose parents can only afford McDonald's (cheaper than vegetables in the USA), you're condemning my uncle, who had a deadly thyroid issue that wasn't treated in time (he grew up in Soviet Russia) and messed up his metabolism so bad he currently exercises for 3 hours a day but is still extremely overweight. You're condemning people with pcos, people with hyperthyroidism, people with eating disorders and depression. All of those people, in your opinion, do not deserve medical treatment.

With what we now know, let's summarise.

Fact 1: people who are obese have a higher risk of developing certain disorders, in the same way that someone with a family history of heart problems may develop heart problems, however, no disease is directly CAUSED by obesity and obesity alone. If that were the case, thin people wouldn't get those diseases at all, but I know many thin people with narcolepsy, cancers, and heart issues.

Fact 2: obesity can be caused by many factors, not just eating a lot of junk food. I've already mentioned hyperthyroidism, eating disorders, pcos, and poverty as some of those factors, but there are more. A lot of those factors are not the fault of the obese individual. We also know that once someone is already obese, keeping off weight that they lose is extremely difficult and takes a long time.

Fact 3: when a smoker goes to the doctor with symptoms of lung cancer, they are told to stop smoking, but they are also SCREENED FOR LUNG CANCER and TREATED IF THERE IS LUNG CANCER PRESENT.

Fact 4: according to the woman in the original post, she went to the doctor with symptoms of narcolepsy and other issues, was told to lose weight, BUT WAS NOT TESTED FOR THE DISEASES SHE IS AT RISK FOR, OR TREATED.

Do you see my point now? Yes, obesity is linked to diseases, but that should mean that people who are obese are screened and treated MORE OFTEN, not less or god forbid not treated at all. Preventing obesity by exercising and eating well is something we should definitely do ON A GLOBAL SCALE (better mental health help for people with depression/eating disorders, cheaper vegetables for people in poverty, more education, less fast food places), to decrease our risk of the diseases that obesity is associated with increasing the risk for (type two diabetes, sleep apnea, narcolepsy, certain cancers), but if someone is already obese, weight loss is no longer a cure, and actual treatment needs to be administered. Weight loss was never a cure, it is a PREVENTATIVE MEASURE, and not even a good one according to the evidence I've provided above. Healthy eating and exercise are good preventative measures, but they do not always contribute to weight loss. So why do doctors prescribe weight loss in the form of pills and calorie restriction, rather than eating HEALTHY and exercising? ALSO, if weight loss was a cure, non-obese cancer patients, non-obese people with narcolepsy, and non-obese people with eating disorders would also be told to lose weight rather than given treatment. So why is weight loss the ONLY treatment doctors give obese people? Obesity is much more complicated than a person just eating a lot of junk and getting fat, that's not how it works.

You know how we "eliminate the most probable option"? WE TEST THE PATIENT FOR IT, AND IF THE TEST COMES BACK NEGATIVE WE ELIMINATE THE OPTION. Why was the woman in the post not tested, and why do you advocate for this? Why do you think a group of people deserves medical attention less than others?

Here's another analogy. Wearing a mask and staying six feet away from others is a PREVENTATIVE MEASURE for covid. When a person already has covid, they are not told to wear a mask and stay six feet away from others. They are put in a hospital and treated. What you are advocating for is akin to sending a person with covid symptoms away with a mask, and not treating them at all.

To summarise: correlation is not causation, all people deserve medical help (people who are turned away from doctors a LOT are women, people of colour, and fat people. Medical discrimination needs to be eradicated in all of those cases) and you are in no position to decide who deserves to be treated and who doesn't.

I'm not overweight myself. I just care about people receiving the medical treatment they need and deserve, regardless of what they look like or what other conditions they already may have. I recommend really looking at yourself and examining the biases you have against fat folks, and figuring out how to become better as a person. You seem to enjoy giving unsolicited medical advice, so here's some from me: stop being a dick.

#apollo answers #fatphobia #death tw #mentions of covid 19 tw #i hope they read and understand this #fat shaming

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whyjm · 4 years

Text

Why I did not like the Spn finale

This is gonna be a long post..

I cannot get over my thoughts about how it ended and how bad I feel about it. I am so angry, sad and feel so utterly disappointed, I cannot wrap my mind around how this was supposed to be a satisfying tying up emotional archs ending??? Bc it was so far away from satisfying I would laugh if I was not presently crying over it..

There are several things that irked me a lot. Many people have voiced the problems of this show and its ending much more eloquently than I will ever be able to do.. But I gotta get these fucking thoughts and feelings out of my system.

I have been with Spn since the first episode aired. I am a straight woman, I don’t have to fight for representation, I don’t have to worry about coming out and being accepted for who I am, I don’t have the daily struggles of feeling anxious or depressed or suicidal or not being able to be who I am. I am lucky that way!

To me love is love and all love should be equal! And I stand with all who struggle and all who are not free to be who they are. I see you and I love you and I support you fully!!!

To see my friends having to fight, and then on top of that have a show that has meant so much to so many people be butchered and have a negative last message sent out, in its last 36 minutes of its life … It is a hard pill to swallow.

Cas and Dean

In 15x18 we got to have a beautiful confession from Cas to Dean where Cas tells Dean he loves him and we know this is romantic love bc Cas begins by saying that the one thing I want I know I can’t have and then later I love you. Also Misha confirming it! This scene made me ugly cry so hard bc FINALLY.. (BUT what is missing from it.. the editing is strange.. bc Cas pushes Dean to the right but he falls to the left. Dean has no tears in his eyes while he looks straight at Cas when he talks, but he has tears in his eyes when he looks over his shoulder and see the empty. So what in this scene has been cut away and WHY?) Misha and Jensen did a great job with this and Cas got to find peace in just speaking his truth... And it was beautiful to watch and after having seen Dean sitting sobbing on the floor the natural and logical continuation of this would have been to in the next episode address this, but in episode 19 no such thing happened. And I wondered where did Dean’s grief go where did his CARE for Cas go?? Dean who has been depressed and suicidal when Cas have died before is all of sudden cold and act like nothing have happened at least nothing that affected him very deeply.. It felt disconnected and strange. And it continued on like that and it felt very strange to NOT address such a HUGH plot point. It’s not enough to have Dean say to Chuck to bring Cas back or to see him wasted out of his mind, or hugging a dog like his emotional wellbeing depends on it.. This is not resolution or addressing it.

All of season 15 has felt like the relationship between Cas and Dean has been in focus and important to the overall arch of the season, and explored and then all of a sudden all traces of it are just ripped away, erased completely.. To have a confession like this go unacknowledged to me is poor writing bc you do not leave this big of a thing hanging in the air without resolution (fine you can argue Cas got resolution but I feel that no Cas did not get resolution either bc his feelings SHOULD have gotten a response no matter what that response was.. Dean did not, we never got to hear or see his version or his thoughts about it.)

I was thinking narratively they HAVE to address this, Deans thoughts and reactions to this gotta be shown. They HAVE to resolve this, acknowledge it. I have been sure a long time they would NEVER have Dean reciprocate Cas love but keep it in subtext bc they are too fucking chickenshit to do that but at least have Dean talk about Cas….. that I expected him to do.. But it was not done in 19. I got the horrible feeling in my gut that they are not gonna resolve this they are gonna fuck this up, they are gonna go full brothers only and not give a fuck they are gonna push Cas out and show no care. Then we come to the final episode and boy howdy is there a lot to unpack with this episode.

(I had watched the long road home before the finale and when I watched that I KNEW that the end was going to be a letdown I felt it in all of me that I was gonna be disappointed. And I was proven right. And I have so many thoughts all jumbled up around each other that I don’t know in which end to start so sorry if what follows is incoherent and rambly.. )

15x20 - The end

20 felt like a FILLER episode, right up until Dean’s death scene I was bored and was seriously considering turning my computer of and just not watch. (A finale should be as engaging and emotionally packed like episode 18 was. I refuse to acknowledge 20 as the end.. To me it ended on 19. That wrapped things up. Not completely satisfying but hell of a lot better than the disaster that 20 is.) But then Dean was impaled on that rusty spike thingy and I was watching with attention. I GET why they did Deans death the way they did, even if that is one shitty death for Dean and could have been fixed so he did not die.. I get what they wanted to get out of it: a brothers sad moment that they turned into a irksome thing. I actually cringed about the head thing and the hands and the farming of it all just urgh I got sick to my stomach watching that. What should have been a beautifully sad moment was put together in a romantic coded way and that to me ruined the heartfelt goodbye. Bc you do not touch and hold a dying family member like that. I KNOW I have said goodbye to my fair share of loved ones that I have loved soo deeply, but the thought of touching like that NO no way.. And also they have NEVER done that forehead touch in previous deaths, so to do this now just felt irksome.

They killed Dean a character that has struggled his whole life with being daddy’s blunt little instrument, who has self-worth issues and are suicidal, who has never lived for his own sake but have only ever lived to protect and raise another, he continues to put others before himself though (up until the last couple of seasons where we have seen them both break away from this toxic behavior). Finally he was allowed to LIVE and have a life that was not controlled, not running in a hamster wheel like a fucking puppet on a string. He was Free of all of that. He was free to go after what HE wanted for himself and what Dean wanted was LOVE, in my mind its perfectly clear that Dean loves Cas back bc that is what the story have been telling us.. its right there and the story do not make sense without it. Many others have done a great job at talking about this and describe this way better than me. So I leave further discussion about that topic to them.

Dean was looking for a job. The angel Dean has loved since purgatory told him that he loved him and then died sacrificing himself to SAVE Dean yet again and then Dean dies a few days later.. How is this doing justice to Dean and what the hell kind of message does this send out to the ones watching?? They are saying it does not matter if you fight, your destiny is written for you and the only relief and comfort you will have will be death. They are saying Meh don’t fight it’s better to die bc it does not matter what you do. This is one of the fucked up messages this godawful ending sent to all those who have identified with Dean and Cas throughout the years.

They also say Cas who has been part of the story for 12 years is not important enough to have there, they IGNORED Cas, a mention in passing does not do justice to a character that has been crucial to the boys lives for 12 years. Dean Screamed in Sam’s face CAS IS FAMILY, Dean was destroyed when Cas died, he was hurt when Cas left bc everyone leaves Dean, Sam missed Cas etc… but still not important enough to show up in heaven in the last episode greeting first Dean and then Sam to heaven.. PFT…

To leave Cas and Misha out of the FINALE of a show that he has been part of for 12 years is so fucking disrespectful to Cas, to Misha and ALL the fans who love and adore both. It also makes no sense since they all say how beloved Cas and Misha are. and don’t go fucking covid made it impossible bc the last scene with all those people without masks.. No that is just lying liars who lie…Covid my ass! This angers me a lot.

Family do end in ONLY blood apparently…..

(And maybe lead to a lot of viewers for walker??? hence this very nice shirltess Sam scene............. ) shirtless Sam is always good though so no complaining here.

We see Sam and the dog give Dean a hunters funeral.. NO OTHERS are there? How is it possible that none of the found family wouldn’t want to be there and show up?? Jack has restored everyone but still only Sam and the dog are there, no Eileen, no Jody and the girls, Donna, Garth, and the list goes on and on. Bc they wanna hammer in harder that supernatural has ever only ever been about two brothers and no one else matters ever.. It does not matter that this has not been true since the earlier seasons. The show of course is about Sam and Dean’s lives and journey through life, and I have loved to follow along on their journey. BUT it was a long time ago this was the ONLY thing that mattered (bc if it had only been about the brothers the show would NOT have gone on for this long). Along the way they have picked up FOUND Family, and the message of the show has been Family don’t end in blood, Always Keep Fighting. But this last episode reverted back to season 1 and disregarded ALL character growth and storytelling of the past 12 years and went with fuck it ONLY Sam and Dean are important. So the next fucked up message they sent where: There is no Family don’t end in blood.. The only family that matters is blood. And then they have the balls to say Always Keep Fighting.. Are they fucking kidding????

Character development…….. who????

Sam lives on after Dean dies and we get a montage of his life where he look miserable and is shown to not being able to get over that Dean died. We get a blurry wife and a kid named Dean. In his house there are photos of ONLY himself, Dean and their parents and maybe one of his son? Don’t remember all the details and refuse to watch that episode ever again. But no friends, no family, no happy moments are shown, it looked like a very lonely life. He dies with only his son there.. WHERE are Sam’s friends??? This montage of Sam’s supposed happy life is NOT happy bc he is not able to get over that Dean is dead, he can’t live a happy life bc Dean is not there - again something that irked me and felt disrespectful to all the growth Sam and Dean have gone through. It was toxic codependency all the way through and that is not satisfying to watch. Especially since the brothers had actually broken that dependency. Sam had broken free, Sam have through the years wanted to get away from Dean and live his life as he wants and then he was happy…We have a moment way back in season 5 maybe? Where Sam runs away and this is shown as one of his happy moments in dark side of the moon.. No Dean in his happy places, Sam having thanksgiving with his girlfriend and her family, Sam alone with a dog. We have Sam and Amelia when Dean was in purgatory. So Sam IN text have been shown being able to be happy without Dean so why could he not do it this time?? Makes no sense! You can grieve but still have a good life.. But they CHOSE to show it like Sam was miserable bc Dean was dead and life was not worth living happily without Dean there..

The brothers have lately interacted like two individual adults, separated from each other, making their own decisions and trusting each other in making them, they wanted different things in life. And seriously WHERE DID EILEEN GO?? Why was Sam not reunited with Eileen that he some eps previous was shown to love, no instead they had blurry wife which feels like such a cop out. Sam did not get to live a happy fulfilling life and why did Sam not deserve to live a happy life with Eileen??? I know they are blaming corona for a lot of things missing in the finale that they intended.. BUT and this is a BIG BUT remember Jensen did not like the ending it did not sit well with him, he had a hard time digesting it, he objected to the ending! He spoke about that dying in battle would not be a satisfying ending - see the video of him talking about this at SDCC 2019. There is so much more to say about this but other people have voiced it so much better than I ever could so I move on to the next issue.

Dean in heaven

Dean when he first arrives there happens upon Bobby who tells him John and Mary lives down the road and that Rufus and Arheta lives around there too. I hope Bobby’s wife was indoors, and that Jack with the help of Cas fixed heaven. To this Dean only smirk/smiles.. and then Dean sees baby and goes for a drive ALONE with the words he will be here soon from Bobby again Sam is the only one that ever matter PFT. Dean who found a home in the bunker alongside Sam, Cas and Jack who told John: I have a family and that he was happy with himself and his life…. Spends his time endlessly driving around alone just waiting for Sam to appear.. ALL of Deans growth is thrown out the window.. he is reduced to salad dressing. Deans only purpose is to live for his brother and cannot possibly have what he WANTS for himself not even in death. He drives around for who knows how many years until Sam dies. HOW is this justice to DEAN? How is this a good and satisfying ending for Dean. Dean who wanted to LIVE, Dean who wanted to experience people in new ways, who had let go of Sam and saw Sam as his own person, now in heaven only drives around waiting for Sam to get there having no life or meaning of his own. It pisses me off to no end that they reverted back to toxic codependent Sam is all that is important to Dean shit.. They have broken away from this shit years ago and this is how they choose to end it right back at the beginning..

Now what is the point of telling a story of growth and love and life if all that that journey amounts to is ending up at the exact point it started on?? You can watch season 1 and 2 and then this finale and it makes sense.. But having watched season 1-15 this ending does great injustice to the characters and the story. Again many others have written way better posts about this that expresses the great disappointment and hurt that is being screamed everywhere right now.

The Actors

I want to add the performance of all actors through the years, the love and care they have poured into their characters are amazing I have loved every bit of that journey. I love Jared, Jensen and Misha, and all the others for their amazing work and that is maybe why it hurts so much it ended in this way!

#spn 15x20 #Supernatural #Jensen Ackles #Misha Collins #Jared Padalecki #dean winchester #dean #sam winchester #sam #castiel #cas #spn 15x18 #spn 15x19 #rambly thoughts about the end #the end

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