#i respect other headcanons and preferred readings but it has to go both ways

[ineffable-romantics]

Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

___________________________________

Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

[redisafreak]

Boothill x Reader Headcanons ➸

- These are >gender neutral< Boothill X Reader Headcanons !

- OOC as we don’t know much about him yet !

- The hyperfixation simply got so bad that I felt inclined to write these to blow off some steam, so these headcanons are just for fun and not meant to be taken seriously !

WARNING: There is a NSFW portion! So if you are a minor or uncomfortable with sexual topics, do not read the labeled NSFW section.

+ some SFW headcanons have more mature themes.

𓄒 ✸ →→→⛤←←← ✸ 𓄒

✪ * He’s such an ass about his sharp teeth, he will >playfully< threaten to bite you when he’s feeling bored. He’d snap at you for fun, or lean in close and open his mouth as if he’s going to bite you. You’re allowed to lightly whack him for it, he thinks it’s funny.

✪ * If he does manage to get his teeth on your skin he’d nibble you lightly and quickly/consistently in one spot. He’d make cliche gnawing noises while doing it too, he’s a fucking DORK.

✪ * His mouth tastes like metal from his insistent bullet consumption ☹️ do not tongue kiss him for too long (or at all) bc it WILL suck! Unless if you're into it of course (have fun with the shrapnel).

✪ * If you were to hold his face with both of your hands it would soft-lock him at first. He wouldn’t be able to move from his position at all, but he can certainly make facial expressions and speak to you. After a minute or two he’d be able to move fully and decide if he wants you to continue holding him like that (he typically does). Also, it’s a good way to calm him down!!

✪ * Oh you KNOW he’d be real handsy with you if you’re comfortable with it. He respects your boundaries of course, if you tell him not to he won’t, but if you ARE okay with him heavily touching you then expect his hands to be everywhere. Your head, face, shoulders, hips, waist, back and thighs are not safe from his grasp. You get “Boothill bonus points” if you initiate the touching by making him put his hands on you.

✪ * Also, once you’re in his arms he is not letting you go. You’re either hugging/cuddling him back or you’re stuck there in Boothill arm jail for a while.

✪ * Running his fingers through your hair or giving you head rubs is his passion, he likes when you play with his hair as well! In a private setting will let you style it however you want.

✪ * He is a big ol’ sucker for kisses and face nuzzling, giving and receiving. Kissing on the lips is definitely saved for more intimate ordeals, but he will kiss your cheeks, neck and shoulder a million times in one sitting. And you best believe he will rub every surface of his face against yours (or other parts of your body). It’s the only part of him where he’s made of flesh after all!

✪ * You cannot escape his plethora of pet names/nicknames that he has for you, especially ones that will get big reactions out of you. For example, if “darlin” makes you blush or get all shy, he’ll call you that all the time! Or if you find “cutie” to be cringeworthy, he WILL embarrass you with it as much as he can! As long as you’re comfortable with it ofc.

✪ * ^^ He’ll love any nickname you give him, even if it’s incredibly stupid or annoying. He’ll just be happy that you’re willing to play along with him. He’ll definitely appreciate more serious and affectionate nicknames though.

✪ * Expect him to put his cowboy hat on you, he thinks you look SO cute in it. He’ll also joke that it suits you so much that he’s willing to buy you your own cowboy hat, but it’s unlikely that he would! He much prefers seeing HIS hat on you.

✪ * You could probably charge your electronic devices through the different ports of his body, but you can’t do it for free. You owe him a kiss or a cuddle AT LEAST!!! Perhaps he’ll let you charge your devices while cuddling, he just has to be careful so he doesn’t accidentally crush your electronics.

✪ * If you are 21 and older and you enjoy drinking, expect going on dates that involve casually drinking together. He’d take you out to bars or keep alcohol at home that you guys can crack it open whenever you feel like it.

𓄒 ✸ →→→⛤←←← ✸ 𓄒

NSFW HEADCANONS

Content involves - Boothill using faux genitalia, Boothill being a switch, reader riding, reader giving/receiving head, reader being marked, reader receiving body kisses, reader being groped and having Boothills hands and fingers on or inside the readers genitals, reader and Boothill being restrained/tied up, Scenarios where Boothill does and doesn’t feel pleasure, light mentions of body worship and aftercare, light mentions of reader possibly being a masochist and into degradation.

Some of these headcanons have scenarios that follow patterns like this.

- Boothill is into X, but if you’re not into X then he will do Y.

- If you let him/if you’re into it, Boothill will do X. Boothill will let you do X to him as well.

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✪ * He has swappable genital attachments/inserts. For example; an attachable penis or an insertable vaginal/anal canal (the robopenis and robussy is real).

✪ * He wants you to ride him SO BAD. He’ll do all the work if he has to, he just needs you to be straddling him. He also gets a TON satisfaction from giving you head, it’s his favorite form of foreplay.

✪ * ^^ However, if you’re not into riding he will certainly be a bottom for you or top you in whatever way you desire. And if you’re not into receiving head from him, he’ll do whatever you want. He just wants to make sure you’re happy!

✪ * ^^^^ He LOVES to please you, as he most likely doesn’t feel much pleasure or ANY pleasure at all. He’ll certainly let you give him head if it gets you off, even if he can’t feel it.

✪ * If you let him, he is most definitely going to mark you up. If you don’t have at least ONE bite mark or ONE hickey after sex then there’s something wrong with him. Check his temperature.

✪ * He’d probably tease your neck and shoulders the most when it comes to biting/marking. Not only does he want them to be visible, he also wants to be marking areas that are sensitive! If you’re feeling bold he’ll mark up your thighs too, outer and inner. He’ll take any excuse to have his head in between your legs.

✪ * Like I said before, he’s a big ol’ sucker for kisses! Any exposed skin of yours will be kissed. He WILL plant kisses down your entire naked body.

✪ * His insistent handsiness gets WORSE during sex, he loves exploring your body with his hands and groping your thighs, breasts, ass, hips and waist. The sight of his robotic hands/fingers on or inside your genitals makes him go nuts.

✪ * He probably has nicknames for you that are explicitly stated during sex, or they’d be used outside of sex to rile you up.

✪ * if you’re into it, he’d love to restrain you. His favorite medium of restraint is rope, your wrists are the ropes main victim. He will also use his hands to restrain you, expect being held by your wrists and shoulders, or being kept still by him gripping your hair and having his hand around your neck. He doesn’t mind being restrained by you via similar methods.

✪ * Now if you want to imagine him being able to feel pleasure, he’d lean HEAVILY towards being dominant. Even if he’s a bottom in some of these scenarios, he would want to have control of what happens to him. Obviously he’d let you have your way once in a while, but he’d be a little selfish about the fact that he can ACTUALLY FEEL SOMETHING below his neck. Cut him some slack!

✪ * I’d imagine he’s quite vocal, regardless if he can or can’t feel pleasure. I don’t think he’d be whiny per se, but he’ll certainly let out huffs, groans or moans.

✪ * He’d worship your body to the max during sex, or he’d give you plenty of aftercare if you’re into being handled roughly or degraded.

✪ * You’d have to be patient with him if you’re into him REALLY hurting you or being mean to you during sex, he’d worry too much and be extremely cautious at first.

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[so-long-soldier-writes]

Smutty Kol mikaelson headcanons?

mmm smutty kol… i need to get back into the swing of writing for him!

okay. i have so many WIPs where he's more dominant, but have only posted one smut of him and he's submissive in that one. that being said, i can see him going both ways.

also, in general, idk why i started doing my hcs like this, but i can switch them back to the other format if preferred

tw: cnc / dub / non section; minor noncon mentioned

he's definitely experienced & mostly dominant

he's been alive since the dawn of time

he's an original vampire & whether or not he reveals that status, he will embody it by being the more dominant one in the relationship / situationship

and as charming & flirtatious as he is, it's safe to say he's got a lot of experience under his belt (HA - accidental pun)

that is to say, though, he's probably never been super serious about any of his flings

until, ofc, he meets the one that he absolutely falls for, and none of those hookups matter + he's lost interest in anyone else

1920s - little subsection for if you met him in this decade

okay so i read about this thing that happened in the 1920s called "petting parties," where PDA and sex weren't really acceptable, so people would have these orgy-type things centered around heavy petting and i can see that as SUCH a kol thing

i was actually going to write something based on that idea but need to do more research on it first

but kol would be so engaged with something scandalous (for the time) like that

he'd have girls worshipping him for the way he touches them; for the feel of his fingertips against their skin; the way he undresses them with his eyes, both parties wishing they could strip themselves of the last layer of separating fabric

he'd get into so much trouble in the 20s for this kind of stuff

flirting with other men's women, making crude hand gestures under tables to turn them on

he knows how to lay on the charm and fit in with the 20s, but he has the sexual appetite and style of a modern man

ofc, those words being nothing negative, but instead just him knowing how to be rough and how to please

modern day

likes the vulgarity & speed of modern sex

likes that he can strip a girl of her clothes and pin her to the wall and she welcomes it

likes that there aren't a thousand eyes watching his every move; likes the freedom & lack of rules nowadays

he wasn't around for the sexual revolution of the 80s (thanks, klaus 😞), but he would've relished it

all the young women looking to finally express themselves sexually; him giving them the best first experience he could deliver

despite all that, though, he loves the tender, loving sex of being with someone he knows, once in a while

he appreciates it more once he gets into a stable relationship, but sometimes his menial hook-ups were on the gentle side, too

modern day in an established relationship

rougher by nature, but can certainly be sweet, and often is

slow & passionate, kissing all over - forehead, neck, down your stomach, chest

roughness or gentleness depends on his mood

depends on your mood, too, because he cares & won't ever push you into something

respects boundaries if you say no

he maybe wasn't always like that, but when he started running with witches, he learned a specific respect & appreciation for others, especially women & those he'd sleep with

so, when he wants to have a long-term relationship with you, he really puts in the effort to be the best he can be

he wants you to know he loves you and shows it

kinks

so i read a fic about this, and i can see it fitting him 100% - some kind of predator / prey; hunting / hunted type dynamic, where he stalks & hunts you & then when he finally catches you off guard, fucks the daylights outta you up against a tree

very much a kol thing

throw a knife in the mix, too

you're pinned to a tree with a knife at your throat and his fingers are underneath your clothes, pleasuring you out of sight

bonus points if it's at night. or, if he hunted you all day and finally caught you at night. by now, he's extremely hungry

speaking of hunger, let's not forget about feeding

he definitely fed on most of the girls he railed in one night stands, but if it were a person he loved, he wouldn't feed until he knew he had enough control to not hurt them

the most intimate situation he can imagine is slow, passionate sex with blood sharing at the end

him drinking from you, then healing you back with his blood, or a mutual feeding if you're a vampire, too

first time with him with someone who just turned, he'd be very gentle, knowing how difficult the transition is

giving into every single need, including offering his own vein when the blackness starts to form under your eyes

i'm not sure kol would be into exhibitionism, but pda and public flirting, certainly

flirting across the bar at the grill, beckoning you closer with his eyes, then (mostly tasteful) jokes once you sit next to him

even when you're dating, flirts like you're strangers and he's still trying for your attention, just for the thrill

though places that are kinda hidden but kinda public, he loves to take you into those for a quick time ;)

bathroom stalls, dressing rooms, janitor closets, the whole lot

also... shower sex

he'd think it'd be a great idea even if you're skeptical

but you agree & it's ofc, a disaster, bc it never actually works out like it does in tv

but you make it fun anyway & he has a very strong hand on you to keep you from slipping

now, klaus' room, i think, he'd love to take you in there as a "fuck you" to his brother after a fight

an orgy type of guy, i think, as long as you're consenting of it

and then gives you all his love & attention afterwards when you get jealous of one person in particular

makes up with gifts & a very long night in the bedroom, with lots of aftercare

witch!kol would 100% tease you in public

it's over for you once he discovers vibrating panties

sometimes gets turned on by you at the worst possible times

you stand up to him against one of his brothers? yes

you fight off an enemy all by yourself? yes

even if you're joking around and fit a whole doughnut in your mouth or something, he's dtf

and his response to your shock is always along the lines of, "i can't control it!"

if he's in a submissive mood

is submissive at times, and some times, needs you to be more dominant

especially when esther is around

i can see kol having mommy issues & needing that reassurance

but it would take a certain level of trust for him to be comfortable telling you that

at first, you were surprised at how submissive he got, but then you were happy to provide what he needed

he's very appreciative of your comfort & lack of judgement when he gets in that type of headspace & makes sure to shower you in thanks & kisses when he "wakes up" from it

tw: cnc / dub / non

can't see him being into this, especially in a relationship

except for the desire to hunt you, i don't think he'd be into it straight up

as previously mentioned, pre-witch hanging-out, he might've had a few incidents that were a little questionable, but he's straightened out & learns that those incidents were wrong & does not repeat them

his biggest offense in one of those situations was probably nonconsensual blood drinking that turned him on

was still kind of a baby, psycho vampire when it happened, & he probably still regrets it to this day

dubcon, though, where you're both drunk after a night of bar flirting, he's into

like, if you were used as a distraction for him when caroline was used to distract klaus

you're both drinking way too much and one thing leads to another and then you find yourself in the mikaelson mansion in the morning like 🤷‍♂️

he makes sure you don't regret it, though, and you don't

calms his worried little not-beating heart

somnophilia, given explicit consent beforehand, he would like

the prospect of you waking up full of him, or with him delivering pleasure via tongue or fingers

you wake up and the first thing you feel is pleasure brought on by him - he loves that concept

[zorosbeau33]

Dating them~ Robin Headcanon

❖ One Piece, Robin x genderless reader

❖ Headcanon, Series, Fluff, Suggestive

❖ Tw: None

❖ wc: 1164

❖ Tag List Form ❖ Masterlist ❖

. ⋅˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ ⋅˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Rating for this universe is 18+ let me know what you think~ Or if there's another crew member you want to hear about~

. ⋅˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ ⋅˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

Robin is the gentle mommy kind of girlfriend

You don’t even realize it but she is gently taking care of you without you noticing most of the time

Her devil fruit makes this extremely easy for her, placing a blanket around your shoulders from across the ship, gently catching you with a hand to get you balanced so you don't fall off the ship, helping you haul the rope in the storm, finding your lost item by looking around with extra eyes, etc

Robin is someone who when it comes to her partner uses less gendered terms. Prefers using they/them or terms of endearment like “my sparrow” “the beauty” “my partner” “my lover” “Who? Oh welcome home darling”

She likes calling or referring to you as hers, it's not to be jealously possessive or scare others off most of the time. It is simply that she is so happy to know that you are the person she has fallen for in this lifetime. This queen is convinced that you are the only one for her for the rest of time, she would never if you split up look for another. You are her angel and no one would be able to replace you, or hold a candle to the flame that she burns for you alone

When she does use it as a possessive outside of endearment or wonder, its usually due to one or both of you being in a dangerous situation and to alert one another of such things and tell others they fuck with either of you and the other will make sure there is hell to pay for everyone involved

Robin enjoys having you lay your head in her lap as she reads for some quiet bonding time. 

Her fingers will always be resting on your stomach or carding through your hair (if you have ethnic hair or protective hairstyles she would switch to gently tracing her fingers over your arm to respect the hard work that goes into maintaining it)

This is also a way she asserts herself in private as the top in the situation, she will have you kneel and only let you rest your head on her plush thighs when she feels you’ve earned the privilege back from being a brat/tease

Part two for that, Robin will understand however if such positions are grounding to you in times of anxiety or after lovemaking. If laying your head on her thighs/chest/stomach etc is calming for you she will always be ready to set things aside and go find a comfortable place to do so with you

If anyone of the older Straw Hats knows how to walk their s/o through a rough time it's Robin. She will gently guide you with touch, or words, or a calming presence. Takes great pride in being able to work you down from any heightened state of emotion that is not beneficial to you (ie joy/happiness/excitement)

Will coo and reward you for being her “good little darling~” 

Not huge on PDA in public, not that she has a distaste for it she just likes to spoil you in private away from anyone who might try to tease you for being so tender 

It also goes that she's more on guard for dangers when out in the open, so part of her attention is ensuring that you are safe, rather than trying to enchant you with sweet words and melt you with firm but tender touches

I really see Robin as being the dominant person in the relationship, preferring that of being more the caretaker, although she is fine if you flip the script sometimes. Its just in her nature both in and out of the bedroom to make her treasured lover melt into a puddle or dote on them

It's her love language, besides it's so much fun to tease you even if you do or do not dish it back to her she loves being the one you trust and go to before anyone else

This woman is not the biggest on presents, she won’t mind receiving them but not really all that big on buying you presents. If you like receiving them she would take note and surprise you with things sometimes but they're never trinkets they are always items with purpose like clothes, weapon upgrades, skin care-useful things

Celebrations like your anniversary are the exception, she will spend so much time having something made or finding the perfect gift for you.

Price will not be a question, if its 1 million berries she will spend it for this occasion for that gift

Would be happy to teach you whatever knowledge she has on any given topic including how to read the poneglyphs if you’d like. Or nothing at all if you do not have the interest

She will do her best to support you in your hobbies or passions, but she will struggle if it is robots for purposes like Franky

She will still try because it's you but may gently suggest you talk to him about it as he’d understand more 

Kisses are not lost on Robin, she adores them. Long slow meaningful kisses, she's never rushed even if a fight is about to break out. 

Small quick kisses would be more your thing than hers, if she's kissing you even on the cheek she's slow, cupping your jaw as she sweetly leaves a kiss there before pulling away with a pleased smile. You can give her quick pecks, forehead smooches, bunny kisses, fast little makeouts but she will always kiss you slowly and methodically. Claiming all of you in that one kiss, so if you kiss her lips expect her extra hands to hold you there until she's done with you

Dates are never rushed. It's rare for her to plan a serious date with you but those are some of her favorites. Mood lighting and a really nice restaurant or to a fancy place to slow dance to some nice orchestra/ band music, or much to everyone's surprise a day at an amusement park, spa, water park. Only because she knows you’ll love it, and she would love watching you get excited and dart about as she slowly follows right behind never too far away. Taking in every second of the happiness on your face

Otherwise dates are more sporadic moments of you both wandering on your adventures together and just trying things that strike your fancy in town like shopping, or looking for a book she can’t read. She has challenged you once to find a book with a language she didn’t know as a way of distracting you from something the others were trying to surprise you with AND as a way of showing off her skills to you

There are many more ideas I have for this lovely woman but I’ll wait and see if anyone wants those as they may learn much more nsfw~

[koos-kave]

Yandere Obey Me Brothers HCs except the idiot who wrote them is an actual idiot.

REQUESTED BY A FRIEND 😭

Yandere Obey Me brothers headcanons 

Gender neutral MC || TW: violence, mention of furries, guys I swear Belphegor is literally a meme lord and you can’t convince me otherwise, stalking, slight spoilers, mind breaking, conditioning || I do not condone kidnapping, stalking, or any of the things mentioned in these HCs. This is a *WORK OF FICTION* || Please like and interact, I’m lonely… || requests are always open <3

•.•.•.•.•.•.•

Lucifer

He would realize he had overly protective tendencies when someone severely injures you. (Belphegor?!)

He’s extremely intelligent and crafty, one of the  worst characters to have obsessed with you.

He would share you with Diavolo, but nobody else. (Unless Diavolo wants to share you with Barbatos.Big three on top! Literally…)

Things would probably be the same unless you’re in love with another or discover Lucifer’s infatuation with you. Be prepared to find yourself locked up someplace nobody else can find if Lucifer decides it’s the only way to effectively protect you. (Holy shit Belphegor reference two?!)

He says he considers you an equal, but you know he thinks he’s better than you. You’re just a weak human that needs protection.

Would purposely not heal you after punishments, but would never leave permanent scars on you.

Would not try to break you, condition you to certain things, or permanently disfigure you. He prefers his human in ‘mint condition’.

Will occasionally gaslight you into thinking it’s your fault for his obsession.

Biggest downside is that he doesn’t get memes and doesn’t like them.

Mammon 

Would realize he wanted you for himself if he saw you becoming romantically interested in another.

MC… he loved you even if he claimed he didn’t. Why would you do this to him?

He’s hurt, but realizes eventually he has to stop sulking and take control of the situation.

He makes it painfully obvious that he’s been sneaking into your room at night, the greedy bastard can’t resist taking some of your belongings for himself!

He secretly hopes you notice.

He’ll find more and more reasons to keep you close to him, he would definitely let you off the hook for being disobedient unlike Lucifer and some of the others.

Chill most of the time, I bet his crows would really like you too. :)

The type of guy to take pictures of you while you sleep. 

Leviathan 

Would realize he needed you the first time you defended him.

Everyone says he’d be a perverted freak.  I personally think they’re wrong.

He’s the type to try and lock himself away until these strange feelings for you go away…

And if they don’t…

Leviathan will turn to romance manga and anime to try and see what it is he should do.

Honestly, I think he’d have more respect for you than the others. He thinks everything about you is impressive.

If he realizes he’s acting like a yandere he’ll probably shut himself in his room again.

He’s so scared that you’ll find out he’s a ‘freak’ that he goes back to watching/reading romance manga/anime to try and copy the actions a normal protagonist would take.

If he gives up on trying to be normal and turns to darker content… well…

That’s when things could possibly become freaky.

Satan 

He realizes that you belong to him when you tell him you think he’s more than his sin.

Probably goes to Asmodeus for advice at first. 

He’s been grooming you for quite a long time, earning your trust like a stray cat.

He wants to give you the perfect, domestic life.

He tries to make you fall in love naturally but seeing you around other people (especially Lucifer) makes his blood boil.

Another case of wanting things to stay the same.

He has an incredible amount of patience, both from years after years of attempting to repress his unexplainable amount of rage, and from the sweet delusion that one day you’ll love him too.

Unlike his dad, he’s okay with conditioning. He will do it slowly- like training an animal.

There’s a good chance that, like Leviathan, he’ll stay away from you. Not because he’s worried about what you think of him, no. It’s because he knows these urges will eventually get the better of him and that when they do terrible things will happen to you.

Asmodeus 

It’s complicated- you know he’s constantly partying and sleeping with other demons, yet when you do it he feels upset.

That’s sooo not fair to you, darling-! He’ll try not to let his jelousy get out of hand. He wants you to have fun too!

He starts to feel like you enjoy yourself more when you’re around others, he doesn’t like that.

He’s the glorious Asmodeus. You need to know that nobody will ever compare to him!

He’d take breaks from social media to start doing research on what you like.

His content and look will start changing based on whatever you’re into. 

Asmodeus doesn’t feel perfect anymore, not until you can see him as perfect in your eyes. 

Let’s be honest, the closer he becomes to your ideal man/whatever you prefer the harder it’s going to be to not fall for him. 

You’re going to fall for him.

Beelzebub

Sorry gang, I really struggled trying to think about yandere Beel. He just… I just don’t know that much about him and he really doesn’t seem like the type? If someone wants it, I’ll come up with something. I have a few ideas.

Belphegor

You’re going to lose a limb or two. Or three- or just everything!

He’ll slowly fall for you, there won’t really be a pivotal moment that will make it click for him. Maybe he’d fall for you sooner if Beelzebub thinks you’re neat.

A small plus with Belphegor is sometimes he’ll overlook something you do he doesn’t like because he’s too tired to do something about it.

Will literally chug a fucking monster energy to do whatever without falling asleep if you really piss him off.

Actually kind of considerate, knows he sleeps a lot so he usually has a show on to entertain you. Once he woke up and apparently My Little Pony was playing and he said something about gay furry propaganda and went on a rant about why it makes him mad when people call him a furry for having a cow-print pillowcase.

Unlike Lucifer he fucking loves memes. Will snort if you show him a good one…

if you still have hands or access to a device.

———————

This took me months.

I started it 3 months ago, forgot about it, and spent an hour trying to write the rest so I could have something mildly decent to post. I bet there are an unfathomable amount of grammatical errors that render this entire thing unreadable. 😭

W do I have so much anxiety that people will hate these when I post them? #FailingTheObeyMeFandom

[gatorbites-imagines]

I wanted to ask if you’d be willing to do John Constantine x male!reader who is like Dean from spn, maybe just a one shot of him meeting the reader and being like “I want that one.” Preferably no smut but if that’s what you’d like go for it! Ofc feel free to deny the request if you don’t want it!

-Crow

John Constantine x male reader

Headcanons

I honestly don’t know a lot about supernatural, the closest I’ve gotten to it has been reading smut about the characters sometimes. So, if the personality is wrong, its cuz I got no supernatural experience.

You were a hunter in the magical world, but you were different from most of the others. That difference being you had no magic or supernatural powers. You were just a guy, with his gun, his car, and his knowledge gained from the lifestyle.

You were well known because you had stopped the apocalypse side by side with your brother and some other allies, some of those allies being angels, demons, and anything in-between. But through it all, you stayed human, which is pretty damn impressive.

After saving the world from yet another apocalypse, you and your friends and family had decided to slow down with the whole hunter thing. Your brother found his other half and got married, they’re expecting their first kid. Your angel allies seem to be out experiencing the world, though you all keep in touch.

You were the only one still active in the hunger community, though you had settled away from the extreme, world devouring demons and beasts and returned to your roots. Those being smalltown issues, like werewolves running berserk, or some fae putting a village under her spell.

It helped settle some of the constant anxiety and paranoia in your bones, as these small things felt like coming home after fighting for humanity for many years.

That was what led you to where you were now. Sitting in a bar in some small village out in the boonies, the kind of place that had one grocery store, one bar, and one liquor store. A vampire seemed to have settled on turning this small remote down into their own personal blood bank, so you’d settled out and gotten rid of the thing.

Constantine had been passing through, headed for the exact same vampire as you. Both to kill them, but also to take their collection of ancient magical tombs. Sadly, for Constantine, you had made a habit of burning down the homebases of the things you hunted, so nothing like it would settle there again.

Constantine had tracked you down using magic, maybe wanting to whoop your ass just a bit for destroying the books he had been after. He expected some green hunter, who’d just picked up their first silver dagger or bottle of holy water, so color him surprised when he saw you of all people.

Constantine would know who you were, because of the whole, saving humanity from the apocalypse thing. Hed think you were a lot more handsome than the rumors told, even with your scars and tattoos. There was something about the way you carried yourself that got under his skin in the best way.

So, instead of starting anything, Constantine would saddle up beside you and start his flirting spiel. You, of course, would also know who he was. What respectful hunter wouldn’t know John Constantine, because anywhere he went, trouble always followed.

You being you though, flirted with him in return in your own way, though neither of you expected much to come out of your meeting, even as you shared numbers after stumbling out of the bar drunk off your asses.

You had completely forgotten about having his number, and Constantine was the same, until one of you found the number and texted the other in a moment of boredom.

It would take a while for the two of you to become close, as this business always came with paranoia and a lot of backstabbing. But your mutual interest grew, though Constantine will never admit it, he fell hardest, and he fell first.

Expect a lot of flirting from him, which you always respond too by flirting right back at him. It would probably take you both a whole to accept that you have feelings for the other, and even longer for either of you to confess because you’re both emotionally constipated and don’t think you deserve happiness.

It ends up being your brother that gets you to confess, or he would probably tell Constantine that you like him on accident or in a passing comment. Constantine wouldn’t believe it in the beginning, until he would mention it around you, and you end up confirming that you feel that way.

You both try to play it cool, not wanting to come across as desperate or too lovesick, but one thing leads to another and you two become a thing.

It doesn’t change your dynamic a whole lot, outside of the fact that you can kiss whenever you want now. Constantine might also be sneaking protective magic and runes into everything you own, just in case, even though you are only taking small hunts now.

In the same way you always find ways to protect Constantine even without magic, resulting in at some point pummeling a demon half to death for trying to demand Constantine’s soul. It just makes your lover even more attracted to you, so win for you.

Your relationship has moments of long distance, as you drive around wherever your job takes you, and Constantine is needed all over the world, but you are both loyal and just make up for lost time next time you see each other.

[williaml0ver]

☆ <3 Naib Subedar General Dating Headcanons ☆ <3

[🖇️] word count: 1423

[🖇️] warnings: g/n reader, talks of ptsd, miscommunication, not proofread wdgaf!!!!!

[🖇️] author's note: I don't really know how big the IDV fandom is since i am still quite new to both the game and tumblr itself. I have no experience in writing so i am sorry if my work seems tacky, i will be working on it 😭 Like i said I don't know if this fandom is active here so someone will either read this or i will be feeding myself self delusion for these sweet characters. I'm confused but i got the spirit id love to make some mutual followers!!!!

I love Naib. He's so precious i want to cuddle and take ibuprofen with him. I'd like to write more about him if i stick around.

☆ ☆ ☆

-You are his soft spot.

-Everyone in the manor would notice that his attitude changes when he's alone with you.

-He is going to absolutely always have his eyes on you when you're near. It's his love language.

-Naib's life has been forever stained by his early years in poverty and fighting during war, after so many hardships he would definitely try his best to make his loved one feel safe. He couldn't stand losing someone close once again. Showing you that you can feel protected near him means the same as saying "i love you".

-Naib is a mature person but you may sometimes hear flirtatious compliments from him.

-He sometimes questions himself why do you love him. While he doesn't necessarily understand he doesn't need any answers - he will cherish the moment as long as it lasts, making sure you know he is devoted to you.

-Naib may be a little insecure, but he'd like you to think he actually isn't. Whenever you'd praise him he would answer "I know".

-He's not afraid of showing you affection in public. And while he's not going to make a big show out of it, he would simply kiss your palms and hold them. Or hold you by your waist, sending death glares. That's enough for everyone around to understand that you're his and if someone messes with you they better start running.

-If you ever tell him you feel threatened by someone, he will tell you to go to his dorm and take matters into his own hands. You can beg as much as you like, but he will never tell you what he did.

-When someone hurts you, someone attempts to hurt him too.

-A lot of people may consider his ways rather weird, but to him, as someone who was forced to be the head of his household, defending his significant other is something very important.

-He would stand up for you every time.

-If no one is paying attention to what you're saying, he'd quickly tell everyone to let you speak.

-When he comes back injured from a match, if it's not something life threatening, he prefers when you take care of him. He's capable of bandaging himself etc. but the fact that his dearest one worries about him makes him feel loved.

-While Naib is protective it doesn't mean he believes you are defenseless. He will respect if you want to be individual, he hopes you understand that you are free to do whatever you desire, though if in need, he will instantly be there. If you are scared or anxious, please come to him.

-He may not be the tallest, but he is still strong, he wouldn't mind carrying you if you're tired.

-If you ask him to teach you some self defense moves, he would proudly instruct you.

-He may not always read you properly. But he's not doing it on purpose. Tell him about your mood and he'll do anything in his power to cheer you up.

-His protectivness may lead to some arguments. He is not going to hesitate to scold you for doing something rather dumb.

-He could come out as mean sometimes.

-If you are injured, he is going to take it very seriously. That moment pulls a big trigger. Naib becomes very aggresive.

-He worries. A lot. He is afraid of hurting you because he is aware of his mental struggles. He may even raise his voice at you - but while it seems scary please be understanding. He's never had a lover before and he wants to shield you from danger. He tries to quickly apologize to you.

-He just needs you to be safe.

-Communication is key in your relationship.

-Early in your relationship, there may be some misunderstandings. At first glance, Naib may seem closed off. He is not the best with his words.

-He TRIES for you.

-As a soldier, he developed an unhealthy habit of keeping every emotion to himself. It will take a lot of time for both of you to open up. You promised to Naib that if anything ever bothers you, you will immediately talk to him. And vice versa.

-He's a man of few words, he may struggle with talking you through it, however he's going to make sure his partner feels comforted and heard.

-His advices are always well thought and wise.

-You spend a lot of time together just talking about your worries, thoughts or hopes. Sometimes in his bed, sometimes on a peaceful walk. He may make a few comments, or give advice if you ask him, though he mainly just listens carefully and holds you. He wants you to feel like he's a boulder that stabilizes you.

-While supporting you, he has issues with opening up with his worries. He fears you would call him weak.

-Naib struggles with PTSD, therefore he's also in need of comfort and reassurance. He likes when you ground him, by covering him with your body, your face hidden in his chest. But there are also times when he may push you away during one of those times. It's important for you to keep talking to him. Not shaming him for who he is.

-He desires honesty.

-He'd like you to sing him to sleep.

-He is a considerate lover. While he rarely initiates any touches without reason or words of affirmation, Naib shows his love by being with you.

-But when the touches or kisses ARE initiated, you know he absolutely means it all.

-Speaking of which, he doesn't have a need to take you out for fancy dates. But don't take it wrong. He thinks all you need is spending time together, simply in bed or on a walk in solitude. If you don't feel like talking - that is fine too. You can sit on the grass and watch him train. Those are worth more than the most expensive restaurant. That doesn't mean he will never take you to a more lively place though.

-Naib isn't also keen on huge, extravagant gifts. Roses, necklaces, love letters are his favourite of showering his lover with romance.

-He is a good listener. He remembers several small details about your interests or preferences.

-Extremely supportive. He may not word it directly, but he worships you. Your inside and outside. He would very indescretely check you out when you wear something pretty.

-If you ask nicely, he is going to give you some of his clothing. He feels absolutely proud of the fact that his love wants to wear something that is his AND he could smell them when wearing it later.

-He would keep a photo of you in his pocket, along with a photograph of his mother. He captioned it "My treasure" in his native tongue. He never tells you what it means.

-His favourite photo of you is a picture of you wearing his elbow pads.

-Pet names are not his thing. Though on rare occasions he will refer to you as his love, or his treasure.

-A treasure he worships and is willing to die for. Naib may be very reckless when it comes to your safety. You have to make sure he is well taken care of as well. He enjoys taking baths with you, when you wash his hair and cuddle.

-Although enjoyable, he sometimes may push away your need for physical closeness. He just sometimes needs to be left alone. It's always good to ask if he would like to be touched. Consent is very important for Naib. He doesn't mind it if you are very clingy. In fact, it makes him feel appreciated. He himself though thinks that intimate contact is meant only for special situations.

-One of the few ways into his heart is, of course, through his stomach. He loves waking up to breakfast made by his lover. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just the fact that you cared enough to prepare something for him is enough.

-He would love to show you some traditional nepali dishes and guide you while preparing them!

-As cliche as it seems, he'd like it if you'd directly feed him.

-I feel like he swears a lot, both in english and nepali. You'd unawarely pick up a few of them because of him. He would feel surprised that you paid so much attention to him you even managed to memorize a few words in a foreign language.

-He'd teach you a few sentences in nepali if you'd ask.

☆ ☆ ☆

This took longer than expected to. The way i had to post this once again because of a certain issue. Ijbol... i'm kind of intimidated by this fandom. By the way if anyone's reading this i'd love to do William headcanons next omg

[princelylove]

Oh I happened to choose all characters from part 3? I'm sure have something for muscular dominant men 🫢

May I ask for Polnareff and Avdol with their darling's first time too?

I love your headcanon for Jotaro, I find it quite cute for him to not know much about sex and awkward with it. And he has virgin kink, very interesting. Do you think he has other kink too?

Feel free to share about other characters you want to write too, I just love reading your work, your highness ❤️

~ 🏵️ anon ~

For future reference, I spell Avdol as “Abdul,” since it makes more sense in Arabic. There’s no v sound, but there is a b and f sound. 

These two are both romantics when it comes to sex. Except one is out of genuine respect, and the other is out of delusion. 

Mohammed isn’t bothered by your past. It was before you met him, how could he hold that against you? Your experience, or lack of experience, isn’t any of his business. Sex is something intimate to Mohammed- he was younger once, he’s not without a past, but he doesn’t really want something casual with his darling. He’s rather vanilla when it comes to sex, but he’s willing to humor his darling’s requests, as long as they don’t expect to dominate him, or top him. He just doesn’t prefer it, don’t take it personally. Mohammed asks his darling what their sexual expectations of him are now that you’re together. He wants a proper answer, do you want it often, do you not want it at all, do you want it weekly on the dot, do you have anything specific you’d like to incorporate, etc. He’s already forcing you to live with him, he’s not going to ruin his chances of his darling developing stockholm syndrome by forcing them to do something they don’t want, or aren’t going to enjoy. Slow and steady wins the race. 

Jean-Pierre will never, under any circumstances, force his darling to have sex with him. Is he fine with it being dubious…? A little. Depends on his mood. Does he realize that holding you down and repeating how much he loves you and how much he wants to touch you is forcing you? Nope! To him, it’s all sweet talk. And if you cry, or scream, or kick, he’s just going to assume it’s your way of introducing him to some sort of kink you have. Ohh, he’s the big bad man, coming to eaaat youuu, hm-hm-hm. You’re a pretty good actor, you were making him nervous there! Jean-Pierre has opened up to you about his past- it was traumatizing to not be there for his sister when she was murdered. It makes him think of the torture Sherry went through before she died, and to be honest, he’d rather not have to stop pounding you because of a panic attack. It doesn’t look good for his suave, charismatic presentation. It stresses him out to think that he isn’t your protector, so let’s not do this kind of play often, alright? Only as a little treat when you’ve been good. He isn’t too thrilled about his darling trying to top him, but honestly, he’s down to switch if you really want to. He’s often loud when he bottoms- be prepared to hear him practically screaming your name and every lovey pet name he can think of in french, alongside begging you to keep going. He won’t mention it the next morning. 

As far as Jotaro’s fetishes and kinks… I put him in the same category as a recluse mama’s boy who learned what relationships should be like from his mother + old romance movies. Creep. His primary focal point is how “delicate” and “helpless” you are- it makes him feel needed, and therefore loved. Regardless of your actual strength and durability, Jotaro is forever convinced that you’re constantly on the verge of breaking. As for some specifics, besides from his virginity kink:

Praise. This man goes crazy for some genuine praise. Even if you say it more like an observation, if it can be taken as a compliment, he’s fighting his body’s reaction. “You’re very tall.” is more of a statement than anything else, but being tall is attractive to most people, yeah? So you like his height… He never slouches in your presence after that. Jotaro’s delusions aside, if you were to praise him during sex, he’d lose himself entirely. 

Breeding. Even if his darling cannot get pregnant, a man can dream. It isn’t about having an actual child, he just thinks it’s hot to finish inside of you and how fantastic you’d look pregnant. You’d have trouble doing things for yourself, won’t you? Jotaro isn’t about to complain about finding a way to force you to let him do everything for you. Maybe he can tell you to just pretend to be pregnant…

Somnophilia. You just look so sweet and innocent while you’re sleeping, he can’t really help it. Jotaro touches himself quietly- as to not disturb you, he’s worked hard to get you to actually relax enough to sleep- next to your ‘shared’ bed. He likes to think of it as belonging to both of you, but it really doesn't.

[blakeswritingimagines]

Kink list with Gross Best Friend! Jacaerys Velaryon

Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Aftercare is something that is not on his radar. He's all for the fun and excitement in the moment, but once it's all over and done with, he's ready to move on. He may make a passing joke or two in order to keep it light, but overall, he doesn't really care about how the other person feels afterward. It's all about the present and the experience, not about the aftermath or consequences. That said, he wouldn't go out of his way to harm someone either. It's just not a priority after the fact.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part of his is his ass. He's worked hard to maintain a shapely and firm figure, and it's something he's very proud of. When it comes to his partners, he doesn't have a particular favorite part, but he does really enjoy seeing you in all your glory. That means being able to appreciate all of your body parts equally.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He might make a suggestion or two, but ultimately it's your decision where you want him to cum. He'll try to be respectful of others' preferences and boundaries, and if that means keeping his own thoughts to himself, then so be it. Besides, it may be more fun to find out what you want in the moment rather than having it planned out ahead of time. That's all part of the adventure!

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has many dirty, kinky secrets. So let me just give you a few of them. He's obsessed with leather and lace and enjoys wearing them together. He loves to play games and role-play with you, and he doesn't mind giving up control and letting someone else be in charge if that's what you want. He's also a big fan of lingerie and enjoys seeing how creative people can be with that.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He's very experienced, and he likes to think that he knows what he's doing. He is desperate a firm believer in having an open mind and exploring different things in the bedroom. Even if something isn't necessarily his cup of tea, He's more than willing to give it a go and see how it goes. He's always up for trying new positions and experimenting with different techniques. Ultimately, it's all about having fun and embracing one's inner pervert for him.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

* Missionary - for the sense of intimacy and closeness it provides.

* Cowgirl - for the level of control it gives him over you.

* Spooning - for the feeling of comfort and safety it creates or just the fact he can't help himself.

* Doggy - for the raw, primal nature of the position.

Ultimately, he doesn't have one single favorite position, but several that he enjoys and keeps in rotation.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He is both serious and humorous in the moment. He takes pleasure in what he's doing, but he also doesn't take himself too seriously. He is always up for making you laugh, whether it is with a snide comment or a dirty joke. It all comes down to reading the room and adapting his approach accordingly.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

If he didn't keep himself well-groomed, he'd still be the same gross, perverted best friend he always is. Sure, it may not be as easy to clean up or look at down there when there's not always a thought behind his eyes but he tries.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

The romantic aspect during "the moment" isn't his top priority. He would rather focus on the physical and sensual aspects of the situation and let the romance come naturally if it does. He is definitely not someone who feels the need to have roses and chocolates present before having a good time in bed.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He is simply motivated by his own desires and needs and doesn't really feel the need to create a narrative around the act. He sees it as a way to relieve stress, satisfy his urges, and have a good time on his own. It is his private, personal time and he doesn't really need to create a story around it. He simply does what feels good and enjoys the release it provides.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

* Dominance and Submission

* Bondage and Discipline

* Spanking

* Anal Play

* Group fun

* Body Worship

* Humiliation and Degradation

* Voyeurism and Exhibitionism

* Pegging

* Cross Dressing

* Femdom and Male Submissive Play

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

* Home sweet home

* Hotels or vacation rentals

* Outdoors in nature

* Public places

* Office break room

* Public bathrooms

* Car

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

* Sensual touch and caressing

* Passionate kissing and tongue flirting

* Dirty talk and teasing

* Sexy outfits

* Being in the moment and engaging in the action

* Exploring new and different things (positions, styles, techniques, etc)

He's a literal desperate horndog, the wind hits him and he's hard and you could just ask to have sex and he's ready.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

* Being judgmental and/or cruel with your words or actions

* Lack of communication, especially when it comes to expectations

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

It is hard to pick just one that is best because they are all fun in their own way. If he had to choose, it being on the receiving end is his favorite, simply because it allows him to relax and enjoy the pleasure being given to him. He is always willing to switch things up now and again and give you a taste of your own medicine.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He can be both fast and rough or slow and sensual, depending on his mood and the situation. For him, it's all about having fun and being in the moment. Sometimes, he wants to let loose and be rough and wild, while other times, he wants to be more tender and gentle. Sometimes, he wants to go fast and get right to it, while other times, he wants to take things slow and enjoy the ride. Life is too short to only have one kind of sex.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He is a big fan of quickies. There's nothing quite like a spontaneous mid-day romp to spice up your day. Quickies can be fun and exciting, as they leave you wanting more and give you a little taste of what's to come. He enjoys them often and think they should be part of his everyday life. However, he also believes in having "proper sex" at appropriate times.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He is all for experimenting and taking risks. He believes that life is too short to be stuck in your comfort zone or follow the same routine all the time. He is open-minded and willing to try new things, especially when it comes to sex and sexuality at least wherever he can get it. He wants to explore and experiment with you to find new ways to have fun and feel pleasure. Taking some risks every now and then is worth the reward of discovering something new that you can both enjoy.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He is not one to count how many rounds or keep track of time. For him, it is all about enjoyment and pleasure in the moment. He is not concerned with how many times you go or how long he lasts, as long as everyone is having a good time.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He does own some toys, and he does use them from time to time with you or on his own. He enjoys the variety and spice they add to a sexual encounter, and he likes to experiment with different kinds of toys to keep things fresh and interesting. He is not shy or ashamed about using toys and seeing them as part of the experience.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Teasing can be a fun and lighthearted way to create excitement and a sense of anticipation. He often uses teasing as a way to get you in the mood and build up the desire before he finally makes a move. He derives pleasure from seeing you squirm and be unable to control yourself any longer. He'll use every trick in the book to keep you hot and bothered.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He can be both loud and quiet during sex and it depends on the situation and his mood. In general, he's fairly vocal during sexual activity and doesn't hold back on his sounds. He expresses his pleasure and enjoyment by moaning and grunting with a whimper now and again.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He has a few wild and dirty secrets. Here's one for you to mull over. In his spare time, he sometimes enjoys dressing up in feminine clothing and makeup and pretending to be someone he's not. This includes wigs and accessories to complete the look. He doesn't know what it is about it, but he finds it to be quite a thrill.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I'd say it's an average of around 7 inches. However, he is not one to measure or keep track of things like this as it doesn't matter since he's normally just looking to use it in one way or another.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is fairly high. He enjoys sex and physical pleasure and seeks it out regularly. This includes masturbation, one-night stands, and intimate relationships with partners. He is driven to seek out and engage in sexual activity and finds it to be an important part of life.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

After a good session of horizontal tango, he finds that he can typically fall asleep quickly and easily. He is usually quite exhausted and satisfied after doing the deed and finds himself sleeping like a log almost instantly. This is especially true if it has been a while since he's last been with a partner, as the exhaustion and release of tension can be quite overwhelming. He has been known to drift off just minutes after the act, but he thinks that adds to the pleasure and satisfaction of the entire experience.

[fatsillykewn]

Let’s talk Headcanons- or “HCs” in the Kyman fan community.

Over my time in the fandom I’ve noticed such EXTREME discourse over headcanons that are being assigned to Kyle and Cartman specifically. And as of recently, my views have shifted a little bit, as I’ve done some analysis. These are my generalized thoughts, I can get into my specific headcanons in another post.

1. First thing is first. Stop being a fucking asshole over people’s interpretations over the characters. There’s literally no point in harassment/bullying over headcanons- It’s stupid and not serious. Yes, you may hate some ships or hate specific headcanons, but this is a tv show with characters who are not real, let people enjoy fandom spaces however they please with whatever ideas and preferences they have. Us Kymanies already get enough crap as it is, lets stick out for one another! We are all here for fun!

2. “Mountain VS Pine” Most if not all kyman shippers now these terms, and they correspond to who of the two (Kyle and Cartman) is the more tall/dominate one and who is the more small/sumbissive one. I used to be pretty closed minded about this topic- I used to believe pine was the only way to go while shipping kyman and applying headcanons. But in reality, we need to come back and realize that there’s no canonical proof to who plays what role in a romantic relationship between Kyle and Cartman- yes there’s a charged dynamic between the two friends that gives us suggestions- but at the end of the day, there’s open space to fill with what we as the shippers think would work for Kyle and Cartman beyond friendship. While I still very much believe pine kyman is a great and close-to-canon dynamic, I’ve opened my mind to how well the mountain kyman dynamic can work inside and outside of the canon. Both pine and mountain can be in character headcanons and both have support from canonical events in the show, movies and the specials. If you’re a pine truther, awesome!! I love you! If you’re a mountain truther, amazing!! I love you too!! (I will not lie when I say I have read some INCREDIBLE mountain kyman fanfics) And if you’re neutral on pine/mountain kyman, or see them having pretty equivalent traits in a relationship, you rock! I love you too. That’s the boat I am currently in, I love all my pine and mountain kyman shippers and the respective content 🫶

3. “Out of character Headcanons” This is where it can get a little cloudy in the South Park and Kyman fandom. Generally, applying out of character or “OOC” traits and headcanons to a character defeats that character’s already existing purpose and identity. Sometimes, when I see OOC interpretations of Kyle and Cartman in either fics or fanart, it feels like I am reading a story with someone elses original characters or “OCs”. Other times, characters being, well, out of character, is fun! We get to experiment with alternate universes or “AUs” where the characters are nearly completely different compared to how they are in their canon universe/the show, with different purposes and different personalities- they just keep the same names, and similar appearance. For Example, the South Park Kyman Future comic is an AU, I’ve read many fics containing AUs like kyman being Cowboys, Detectives, Professor/student and college students, as well as AUs that are also canon like Post Covid as well as The Stick of Truth and The Fractured But Whole. I’ve definitely seen a powerful split in the kyman fandom between people enjoying OOC interpretations and people hating OOC interpretations. I know, when we as kyman shippers see people getting super OOC with kyle and Cartman it can get a little frustrating, as most fans who are dedicated watchers to the tv show prefer to enjoy kyman in character and respective to canon events. We just need to remember that people come into fandom spaces to have fun and enjoy content! Wether someone is new to the fandom/new to shipping kyman, or has been in the fandom and shipped kyman for a while, let them enjoy their headcanons, no matter if it follows the show’s canon events or not. We all have preferences!

Now that I’ve got this off my chest, kind of putting it out there that I stand on pretty neutral grounds with kyman headcanons- I don’t discriminate! Most of the time 🤣- I’ll put together a post or two about my personal headcanons for Kyle and Cartman, my favorite kyman interpretations and my favorite kyman dynamic preferences!!

[judethejudas]

How they would react to you being trans— MW2 Headcanons

This includes all types of trans— so trans women, men, non binary (which would require much more explaining to the boys). Also it’s okay to not want to take hormones or do surgeries, it does not make you less of who you are. It’s just for the headcanons, my loves.

Ghost:

- He’s silent the whole time you’re coming out to him

- He just stares at you, with so many thoughts in his mind.

- Of course he knew trans people existed but he never figured you’d be one of them.

- You were already on hormones but not the surgeries, which made sense to him now because you always avoided the showers with everybody and preferred covering up.

- Ghost covered up quite a bit too so he felt closer to you in that way. That you both valued your privacy.

- He realized now it was because you didn’t have much of a choice. Even though he couldn’t have known, he felt guilty for it.

- He caught onto the pain in your eyes as you explained that your transition wasn’t easy. You lost friends, family, people you really cared about.

- “All because you were trans?” He couldn’t believe it honestly. That someone would break a bond because you wanted to be yourself.

- He put a hand on your shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. “This doesn’t change anything between us and if anyone has a problem with it, you come to me. Is that clear?”

- You brushed the tears off your cheeks and nodded, before Ghost sent you off to do something productive.

Soap:

- He’s quite shocked when you tell him and he doesn’t make much of an effort to hide it.

- You’re transgender? How? How does that work? Do you mean you’re going to transition into the opposite gender?

- He’s not stupid but he’s confused. Our confused ally.

- You had to explain to him that you already did years ago but didn’t have the surgeries, which is why you covered up a lot.

- “I thought you and ghost were just starting a little club getting all cozied up like that.” He’s so puzzled and asking a lot of questions, like how your voice sounds like that and how this happened.

- The only letters this man knew of the lgbtq2s+ community is gay and lesbian.

- You explained hormones to him and he was just blown away.

- Then you started talking about how unsupportive people have been to you and he felt terrible.

- “I’m not like that, am I?” You reassured him immediately that he was not and he was relieved. He had grown to like you on his team, how you two bickered and joked with each other on missions— especially when you two ganged up on Ghost.

- “You’re definitely gonna have to run it by me a few times but I got your back, (y/n).”

Captain Price:

- I ain’t gonna lie to you, this man?? Is all kinds of phobic. He’s old, he can’t help it.

- He had taken a liking to you as time went on and you proved yourself to be a valuable member of the team.

- So when you came out to him, it was just pure shock. He didn’t know what to do or say. Suddenly everything had changed. About you.

- He was taught not to respect members of the lgbtq2s+ by his family and grew up with that mindset. He knew every slur in the book.

- But you being one of them? He couldn’t fathom it. But he also couldn’t bring himself to hate you.

- You explained to him how you were alienated and hated ever since you came out, so you found a family when you joined task 141.

- He felt horrible now.

- To anyone else, he could be bitter about it and he wouldn’t feel one ounce of guilt. But not to you. This was you.

- “Alright look, I can’t say I understand.. this. I’ll need time to process it since I was raised differently, but I’m not gonna throw ya out..”

- You were happy he was willing to put aside his prejudice for you, but you did need to correct him on a few terms that weren’t horrifically transphobic or homophobic.

- You, Ghost, and Soap end up giving him the nickname of Captain Pride, absolutely bombarding this old man until he’s had enough and making you all scrub toilets.

_______

I seriously doubt Ghost and Soap would be assholes about reader being trans. I just don’t see them caring that much other than asking a few questions, but Price? 😭

[kyouka-supremacy]

Dazai?

Eheh Dazai

Favorite thing about them: I really like how as a character he was able to deeply touch so many people!! Seeing so many people finding relief in being able to relate to and emphasize with the character makes me happy.

Least favorite thing about them: I mean, his personality? I don't like how his many flaws are written to be interpreted as strong points / good traits for his character to the point no flaw is actually a flaw, it makes the reading experience very frustrating for me.

Favorite line:

brOTP: Mmmmhh, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about Dazai. Soukoku, probably. The Buraiha trio makes me emotional a little. Souheki, but in a very passive-aggressive, over-competitive, one-sided rivality, can't-stand-each-other way. Dazai and Kyouka. Dazai and Atsushi too I suppose, though I prefer them romantically. I think he makes for a lot of interesting dynamics with virtually all the characters, but none compells me in particular tbh.

OTP: Odazai is plain canon to me, idk what to tell you. I think they make for a beautiful, tragic love story. Get you a man who is willing to change the path of his whole life for another man just like that, nobody does it like them (actually, wait, I can think of another man... ). Although I always distantly liked them, dazatsu has grown on me like, an INSANE amount in the last few months. I'm not sure what happened. I think it was an unfortunate (lol) coincidence of growing a little fonder of Dazai and just wanting to give more space and agenda to Atsushi. Like to me a lot of what dazatsu is really is about giving Atsushi more agency and autonomy and independence and overall just respecting him as a complex, full fleshed out character. I don't see ANY kind of power imbalance in it I keep finding people talk about. Dazai pushes Atsushi to be better every day, and Atsushi does exactly the same for Dazai. Atsushi admires and respects Dazai, and Dazai admires and respects Atsushi equally. I really don't know why the ship isn't more popular and instead just gets discarded most of the time tbh. I feel like everyone should sit down a second and actually give Atsushi the dignity to choose for himself. And fyozai!!! The investment in this ship mostly goes on waves for me but despite that I firmly believe that they really make for an engaging and interesting dynamic to be interpreted romantically. The epitome of “You're both just enabling each other's mental illnesses. You're both perfect for each other. Never change. Just never involve anybody else in what you've got going on.”

nOTP: Nothing comes to my mind.

Random headcanon: Not canon related, but in modern aus I feel like he'd be one to always end up working at ceo roles and he would HATE it. He fires himself and starts working at some cheap frozen yogurt place and one month later he'll find himself as the ceo of the most important oil company of the country AGAIN without him even realizing it / despite his active efforts to avoid that. And he HATES IT. He fires himself again but the loop only repeats forever. He's just that kind of person for whom all doors open automatically.

Unpopular opinion: ............ I could be here forever. I regretfully fail to relate to a lot of characterization / readings of the character I've seen the fandom give him. I really don't want to dwell on this so I'll just mention something mostly unrelated to his characterization: I wholly can't share the take of him being physically built like??? At all??? Which got REALLY popular a few months ago. Dude feels like he never lifted a finger his whole life, I really don't know where the idea comes from???? And I personally don't take his manga visual portrayal as a telling factor for this; pretty much all the characters have the same body type, it's impossible for me to base the buff Dazai assumption on how he's drawn in the manga. Just one thing about his chracter though stop making him matchmaker for ss/kk he really isn't stop don't do it please

Song i associate with them: HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE associating him with my favourite vocaloid song ever but. Meltdown by iroha is a very Dazai song. So many other songs though... Parade of Liars by ryo. Abstract Nonsense by Neru. God-ish by Pinocchio-P. So on and so forth.

Favorite picture of them:

Favourite panel from the manga:

Favourite illustration:

Favourite illustration in the anime art style:

Favourite Mayoi card:

Send me a character?

[yanderelmk]

for your consideration....

Poly DBK and PIF with a gn reader Headcanons or oneshot? Like I love the idea of those two spoiling the heck outta reader and reader is just like :D bc they think these two intimidating beings are so hot and sweet to them.

(can be sfw or nsfw, whatever you prefer!)

I can see DBK and PIF being protective of you. They can handle themselves fine in battle, but they have to make sure you're safe as well when they begin one of their take-over-the-city plots

We have a King, a Princess, and a Monarch. What else could one need?

Red Son has three parents and they're basically "Yeah we're poly, keep scrolling"

Love to think the first time you showed up MK was like "Aww you guys are poly that's so great :D" before going back to trying to stop the Demon Bull takeover

PIF sitting on one of those luxurious velvet couches with you beside her while DBK goes out to be the breadwinner

Comes home and first thing DBK does is give bull nuzzles to both you and his wife. His spouses. He do a big care

PIF is gonna find a way to put your hair up in a specific imperial style, probably with a good bit of jewelry to denote your rank

Both of them will get very offended if you're not referred to by "Monarch Y/N" or other forms of imperial address, you are part of the Demon Bull Family and therefore must be treated with respect

Whenever Princess Iron Fan flees (like during the Spider Queen special) I imagine she takes you with her. The rule is to let DBK handle it, he has more power than the both of you, trust in him to keep the family safe

The snuggles must be the BEST, DBK's definitely a big spoon and probably lets off a lot of heat. He must snuggle his smaller spouses, for you are tiny and do not retain heat well

His arms are big enough to scoop you both up to provide kisses

DBK gives the vibes of he likes having his spouses sit in his lap for proximity purposes

If you and PIF start having a pillow fight he will scoop the both of you up like kittens. Cease arguing, Cooking with Chang'e is on, it is family TV time

PIF is going to take you out shopping to have your royal garments prepared and no you are not allowed to argue

Just give PIF a reason she will read someone to filth if they say something about you being in a poly marriage

Princess Iron Fan also will do your makeup, she specializes in feminine makeup but does know how to apply masculine makeup as well

[maidragoste]

Hi !

(Im the anon that said "DELICIOUS" when you wrote about rhaenyra and reader's crush on eachother, i also made some headcannons of the reader being able to fight and how that makes her closer to the boys, idk if ou remember me 😂 ,im saying this so i can ask to be 👻 anon)

About what the other anon said about jace and readers relationship, i had a thought that i would like to share 🥰

Remember when rhaenyra and daemon came back and saw the new state of the palace (it was all dark and religious)

-So imagine they get there and its all free spirited and disney-like, aegon is not drinking, aemond is reading and halaena is playing, when they just start running .

-is the reader, who is coming back from one of her "raids" .

-They all scream : "mama!", and they run to her to give her a hug.

- when rhaenyra sees her again is like she doesnt even recognize her, shes confident, powerfull.

-they all have dinner and it feels like rhaenyra and harwin were never missed, both of them look at her, how they are with the children, how jace admires her and how dismissive she is of them.

- also , i feel like daemon is going to have a arya stark and the hound friendship with her and its going to be cute.🤭❤

-harwin still wrotes for you and misses you, its somehow even worse, now you talk to him with pity, like he is a bother in your life

I love this story! Hope you find this cool!

Hi, anon, yes I remember you. I'm so glad you wrote again 🥰🥰

I apologize if I misunderstood any of the headcanons because I was somewhat confused and I don't know how well I understood. I understood that Rhaenyra and Harwin went somewhere and that Jacaerys stayed in King's Landing with Reader.

-I LOVE the idea of green kids calling the reader "mom" but I don't see them calling her that in public. It would draw a lot of attention. In public they would surely call her "aunt". But yes, every time she comes back from her trips or her raids they run to hug her 🥰🥰

-Now if Jacaerys called Reader "mom" in public that would make the whole court talk about it. Above all, people would point out how the princess's own son seemed to prefer Reader more and how she seems to be a better mother. That would be good for the greens because it's bad publicity for Rhaenyra. Why would they support Rhaenyra when it seems that not even her own son chooses her? Still, it's hard for me to imagine that happening because Jacaerys loves Rhaenyra. He loves both of his moms. He is the son of a divorce 😔

-Rhaenyra admiring Reader throughout dinner and trying to get her attention but Reader only has her attention on Alicent and the kids.

-I can see a friendship between Reader and Daemon because I feel that at one point the two came to love each other and respect each other a lot. Besides that Daemon loves the fact that Reader is a dragon rider and knows how to fight, I'm sure that on more than one occasion they fought among themselves and went flying together. But I feel like everything changes between them once Jacaerys is born. Daemon always admired Reader's fire and expected a reaction, he hoped she would make Harwin and Rhaenyra pay. Then he was disappointed to see that she did nothing. Before his eyes, Reader now became the same as the rest of the women of Westeros, letting herself be trampled on by her husband. And Reader is not stupid, she realizes how Daemon sees her now or treats her like before. This is sad because Daemon is only frustrated with Reader because he knows she has potential and he knows she's smart enough to find a way to get rid of Harwin but she still endures the humiliation of Harwin and Rhaenyra's affair. But what ends up breaking the friendship between Reader and Daemon are: The deaths of Laena and Laenor and the wedding of Daemon and Rhaenyra.

-Harwin will always have hope that one day you will give him a chance again…

Thanks again for writing to me, I hope to hear from you again soon and I hope you are well anon 🥰🥰💕💕

[shootinwebs]

( Spoilers: Hazbin Hotel S1:E8 )

( slightly NSFW in some places )

Just some headcanons about "why Alastor + Zestial" because I got inspired yesterday to actually write a serious answer lol

Something about their tones of voice and body language during that scene where they talk on the way to Carmilla's meeting is just very mysterious and fascinating to me and I don't know why lol. It has me like "wtf is going on here."

They're friends in some quiet way.

I like to think they're both aroace/on those spectrums somewhere. Zestial is pretty much the only person who actually understands Alastor's specific sexuality (mostly because Alastor doesn't really understand it himself).

Zestial is a good listener, and respects Alastor's preference not to talk about anything personal.

Alastor isn't ever attracted to people by physical appearance, but as a very audio-oriented person, he is sometimes attracted to their voices. And when someone does have a voice he finds tantalizing, listening to them talk can "get him going" so much that he might even start trembling or feeling the need to fan himself. Zestial's voice is like ethereal velvet to him. (literally like... in bed, if he likes the person's voice, he'll beg them to keep talking, or if they call out his name he'll be like "say it again" lol)

The two have a mutual understanding that they don't want any gossip about their intimate lives. (They might say, "The point of intimacy is that it's, well, intimate. Just between the two of us.")

Judging by Alastor's initial reaction to Zestial meeting him on the street, he's the only overlord Alastor is scared of or intimidated by. Alastor has a secret desire to be around people who are stronger than him, because he secretly feels quite weak sometimes. Being around Zestial makes him feel safe, considering his circumstances of being under contract with someone who is clearly deteriorating Alastor's mental state. Though, he'd never admit it.

Zestial is the only person more powerful than him that he can actually stand to sleep with. (also something something, traumatized Alastor finding it sexually exciting when someone is stronger than him, something something)

Zestial finds him fascinating, and Alastor enjoys that a lot.

Zestial also likes that he can never figure out what's going through Alastor's head, and Alastor finds that tremendously flattering. Most other people who can't read Alastor are frustrated by it (Alastor likes that, too, but enjoys it more in the very rare instances when people are entertained by it).

Conversely, Zestial knows exactly what Alastor likes physically, and Alastor can't get enough of the fact that Zestial can only read his body and nothing else.

Alastor probably wouldn't be able to kill him. This is important regarding any sexual relationship Alastor might have, because of the almost unbearable cognitive dissonance he tends to feel after sleeping with someone. It's easier to just kill the person afterwards, rather than worrying about them bragging about it or the discomfort of bumping into that person again.

Zestial is literally the only person Alastor has slept with more than once.

Alastor hates even the idea of topping, and Zestial doesn't like bottoming. Bingo.

[banzaitaka]

Greetings Ruka! Can you make my dream come true and make Nanami and Gojo as Y/N's sugar daddy who is a normal law student but poor? Who doesn't want them as a suggar daddy? Of course Y/N is of legal age and consenting, it's important

---

Idk if I can, but I will try sidfoihsdf

Also, you saying they don't want them as a sugar daddy, but also consenting confused me

So I made them reluctant on the idea

Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

I hope this is what you wanted & you enjoy reading

TW: Gets a bit suggestive

x gn! reader

Headcanon: Kento Nanami, Satoru Gojo with a sugar baby

Kento didn't outright propose the idea of becoming your sugar daddy to you, he just listed the things he could offer you in exchange for, well, you

You yourself figured out what he meant, and when you told him you want to think about it a bit longer, he understood and gave you as much time as you needed

He is a very respectful man and doesn't overstep any boundaries, always makes sure the things he wants to do are within your consent range

For the sake of seeing each other, he offers to move in together after a while. You pretty much become his house spouse in his eyes, but he doesn't need you to actually do the part and do house work. It's important to him that you continue your studies

He just really enjoys coming home after a long day at work and have you there, greeting him, asking him how his day was, maybe even give him a kiss

Kento is not overwhelming with gifts, but does enough to keep you satisfied. Sometimes he randomly picks up something he knows you'd enjoy, sometimes he asks you directly what you want him to get

Also treats you to meals regularly, only the finest. He has the money after all

His touches aren't desperate or overbearing at all, again, he is respectful, all his touches are gentleman like and mostly initiated when going out

Couple nicknames are the preferred ones for him, he calls you either by your name or "darling", "dear", "sweetie", while he likes you to do the same to him

Calling him "daddy" is just asking him for it

And he is willing to oblige, gentle, slow, passionate

Satoru has a way with words like no other, even with your initial reluctance, he manages to convince you to accept his offer

He himself was a bit reluctant to even propose the offer of becoming your sugar daddy, since he doesn't want you to get roped into the world of curses and sorcerers, but he ends up finding a good enough solution for that:

For the most part he does everything digitally, you two text and call a lot

And during those conservations, he tries to push all negativity away, now is the time for you to hold up your end of the deal, darling

He loves to fluster you by whispering naughty things through the phone seemingly out of nowhere, as he imagines the expression your making by the sound of your voice

S p o i l s you rotten, way more than you actually need

You just wanted enough to stay over water during your study time, but now your h o u s e is filled with everything you mentioned you liked or wanted to have, the finest furniture, gaming consoles and games, whatever it is your heart desired

He uses spoiling you as another opportunity to catch you off guard, actually

Sometimes there is just a random package at your door with a bouquet of flowers, but you didn't ask for anything? And you certainly don't remember ever telling him that you liked this specific thing! How did he know? It was a feeling, looking at all the other things you like, darling

Once the rare chance to visit you comes, he's already infront of your door, without more than a quick phone call prior to announce his visit

He is a very busy man and has to take whatever opportunity he has to stop by

Satoru is extremely clingy "To catch up on all the times he couldn't do it", he says, but believe me when I say: he would be clingy either way

He likes to call you "Puppy" and "Bunny" and honestly really likes when you call him "daddy", both in a sexual way and not

You know what's coming when he instead calls you "darling"

I will not explain further