#i still can't commit to any specific idea yet

[pencilofawesomeness]

Question how would Daphne be treated in the papalogia au? Because in the story it would be a 100% confirmation that the dragon she say is acno. Also with how obsessed she was I am shocked she didn't have a dragon slayer lacrima.

I've been overthinking this ask for a week now lol.

Okay so. In terms of the Magnolia area, and really all of Fiore, I don't think anything would change. Acnologia is still the only dragon to be spotted, and even though he's flying around, he does make an effort to not be seen. Arguably, he's making more of an effort that canon-Acnologia, who simply did not care. That said, there may or may not be other dragon sightings in other parts of the world, so Daphne may be bolstered in her obsession with dragons all the same.

I don't think it would equate to her getting a lacrima though. Not only are those suckers hard to find and risky, her fascination strikes me as... a mix between scientific and fanatic. Her love and obsession with dragons and learning about them, as well as proving them real, supersedes most rational thought and morals. I mean, she was totally cool in using Natsu as a battery, and given the opportunity, she would have poked at him more I am sure. She seems to me like the Mr. Crocker of Fairy Tail, except with the room to be really amoral and scary for it.

Some peeps know this already but I have flirted with, and sometimes am still flirting with, the idea of a mini arc involving Daphne, except if fanaticism was just a bit more dangerous. The fact that there is a bit more evidence of dragons out there, but the dragon slayers are more tight-lipped about dragons and their own magic in Magnolia, is enough to drive someone like that bonkers. I still don't have solid ideas for this so it may or may not happen in htryds at all; I just... really like mad scientist psycho antagonists, so if I ever get struck by inspiration and want to hit a dragon slayer or three with a really spiky stick... Consider this a forewarning >.>

[beauty-funny-trippy]

Reasons why we know there's something wrong with Grandpa:

• believes immigrants are eating their neighbors pets because he heard someone say it on TV (without any evidence) • thinks injecting disinfectant into our veins might be a good idea. (It's definitely not, don't try it.) • claims America's F35 fighter jet is completely invisible, even if you're right next to it (like Wonder Woman's plane)

• praises white supremacists and KKK members who were chanting antisemitic hate speech, calling them "very fine people" • focuses on imaginary issues like preventing children from changing gender while at school, but ignores real problems like school shootings • thought it was a good idea to give away our desperately needed Covid test machines to our adversary ("Grandpa, what have you done?" — he can't be left alone for a minute) • decided to believe Putin's lies, but dismiss findings from America's intelligence agencies • claims America had airplanes during the Revolutionary War

• believes in the Nazi ideology that immigrants are "poisoning the blood of our country," and says some migrants are actually subhuman "animals" • insisted that the U.S. would have fewer coronavirus cases if it conducted less testing (yes, a U.S. president in charge of controlling the crisis, actually said something this inept, repeatedly) • due to his incompetence and lies during the Covid crisis, the U.S. had one of the highest rates of Covid deaths in the world • thinks windmills cause cancer and kill whales • speaks endlessly about his concerns re: dying by electrocution from a boat battery or being eaten by a shark

• thinks he's above the law and, as president, should be able to commit as many crimes as he wants • is a billionaire who whines about how badly he's been treated, then he's chauffeured to his private jet • likes to discuss Arnold Palmer's penis • after NINE years of repeatedly promising to unveil his Healthcare Plan "very soon," he admits he still has no real plan —only "concepts of a plan" • has a bizarre attraction to the fictional cannibal and serial killer, Hannibal Lector (why? no one knows —and everyone's afraid to ask)

• advocates dangerous plots, like using the military against Americans who disagree with him, or using the DOJ to arrest them, or just telling people to "beat the crap out of them" and he'll pay their legal fees • thinks having a national day of violence is a good idea (we should never have let Grandpa watch "The Purge") • wants to be the "law and order president," yet this 34 time convicted felon incites people to riot and to commit criminal acts of violence • unable to take the loss of an election like a man, he had a temper tantrum like a toddler, that culminated in a treasonous insurrection

⠀This guy is so delusional, he claims he's a genius because he often speaks incoherently in something he calls "the Weave." Here are two examples: • "How disgusted were all when we see all of us are when we see three days ago when we viewed their parade." Asheboro, NC, 8/21/24 • When asked, "What specific legislation will you commit to, to make child care affordable?" He responded, “Well, I would do that, and we’re sitting down, you know; I was, somebody, we had Senator Marco Rubio and my daughter, Ivanka, who was so impactful on that issue. ...But I think when you talk about the kind of numbers that I’m talking about that because the childcare is childcare, couldn’t, you know, there’s something you have to have it, in this country you have to have it.” New York, NY, 9/5/24 ⠀If this was anybody else's Grandpa, the family would be having discussions about who's going to go with Grandpa to the doctor to find out what's wrong with him, and who's going to be in charge of finding him a nice convalescent home to live in. ⠀My suggestion is that it might be a good idea to elect a president who has no cognitive impairment and can tell the difference between reality and delusions. Personally, I think that's a rather important quality in a president.

[malsmind]

more than we thought

a bsf!mat xbsf!reader series by @ 𝓂𝒶𝓁𝓈𝓂𝒾𝓃𝒹

chapter 1

warnings: swearing, slight flirting

wc: 1.5k

chapter 2

english is not my first language!

unexpectedly, you and matt met on the east coast, where you both lived a few years back, making your first actual and geniuine bond of friendship with the triplets when you were fifteen and they were seventeen. you got along with his brothers, then they inroduced you to matt. it just clicked. the both of you got along instantly, the same interests you shared along with your and matts mental health, dealing with similar problems just made you feel understood, and he felt the same.

who would have thought that about four years later, you guys would share a bond thats even stronger, a friendship that you'd never want to lose.

creating content on the internet, making youtube videos.. it was a job that wasn't your cup of tea, but your closest friends loved it. you always supported them, every step of the way til this day, you were happy for them, it made you happy to see them so happy about it.

even when in 2022, when you were seventeen, and they were nineteen, they moved to Los Angeles.

they came to visit, obviously because of their family and friends. it was weird at first, not hanging out with them during the summer, not getting to go for late night drives with matt when school was draining you again, but it wasn't the worst. you knew you'd join them soon after you graduated, that's how you always planned it to be. when that day finally came, you were beyond excited, and so were nick, matt and chris. eventually, you did find your passion in making content on social media. not fully commited to it, but you still did your occaisonal little vlog, posted tiktoks, instagram dumps and appeared on your friends youtube channel every now and then. it was safe to say, you were happy in life. highschool sucked for you, you had friends, sure, but none that you'd actually feel happy around. no real friends, no friends that'd actually have you feeling like you had someone you could trust, laugh with, share memories with. so moving to LA to where your real friends were, getting your first own apartment, growing independent felt like a dream come true.

you were currently sat on matt's bed, looking for some decoration and furniture for your apartment. you moved in almost a year ago but you didn't get the chance to fully furnish and decorate your apartment yet. decisions on what you want and the various options making it harder than it needed to be.

"i can't find a good coffee table. they all just look the same." you sighed, throwing your phone aside and flopping down into matt's pile of pillows.

he turned around from where he was sat at his desk, playing fortnite with chris, taking a look at your phone display layed out with pictures of coffee tables. they indeed all looked the same. "well, you got any idea what you want specifically?" matt asked you, turning back around to face is screen. "anything that doesn't look like those right there. they look too modern and it's just not for me." you picked up your phone again, trying your luck on facebook marketplace, vinted, and other second hand places. vintage was always your way to go. the aesthetic fitting your personality just right. at the end of the day, your apartment was like your safe space, so your goal was to make it look cozy and feel like it too.

noticing you were now back into focusing on your deep dive on furniture, matt didn't say anything more. you scrolled for what felt like ages until you finally found your dream coffee table for your living room, a perfect match for the couch you had bought two months ago. you apbrubtly got up from matt's bed, holding your phone for him to look at your find. "oh my god. tell me this isn't the most PERFECT coffee table you've ever seen" matt turned his head, shoving his headset off on one side to be able to pay you more attention, his eyes squiting at the picture in front of him. "how much is that?"

"$200" you smiled, happy with your find.

"$200 for that old thing??" matt frowned at you as if trying to ask you if you were seriously going to spend that much money on it. "it's a fair price, dude." you returned his expression, turning your phone off and shoving it into your pocket. matt shrugged "you gonna go pick it up?"

"yup, you wanna come along?" you asked him, fixing your hair from laying on it for the past two hours. "yeah, lemme just finish this game" matt said, putting his headset back on, letting chris know too. you made your way out of matt's room, sitting down on the couch next to nick while waiting.

"nick look" you squealed, proud and happy of what you're about to pick up. nick looked up from his laptop, grabbing your phone and swiping trough the pictures. "oh my god, that's PERFECT for your living room!" nick exclaimed, matching your excitement. "literally what i said. i think plants by the wall next to the couch would look SO good with that coffee table in the room." you said, picturing it. nick agreed, handing you your phone back. "you wanna come along with me and matt and pick it up?" you asked nick, typing out a message for the seller to let him know you'll be on your way soon. "i gotta edit our friday video, sorry. but i'll come by when you got it!" nick offered and you nodded. "no worries."

matt's door opened and he walked up to you and nick, stretching. "you ready to head out?" he asked, nodding his head at you. you got up with a yes, waving goodbye to nick and making your way downstairs, matt following close. matt had picked you up earlier today, so your car was back at your place. he drove to the location put into the gps of the car, bobbing his head along to whatever song you put on aux. you were restless with excitement, admiring the pictures of the piece of furtniture that you were soon to call your own.

you arrived at the sellers place after about 15 minutes of driving, getting out of the car with a slight jump of happiness. matt shook his head with a chuckle, locking the car and following you. the coffee table looked just like it did on the photos, just perfect. after getting it into the car and driving to your place, you and matt carried it up into your apartment, placing it down on the rug in your living room. just how you imagined it, it looked perfect. you loved it. "it's so fucking perfect i'm gonna cry!" you chirped excitedly, hugging matt's side tightly. he hugged you back, matching your happiness. "still can't believe you spent $200 on it though."

"one hundred precent worth it and you know it" you smiled, proudly looking at your finally fully furnished living room area.

...

the soft sound of your spotify playlist coming from the TV filled the room, along with conversation between you and your friends. you were laying between matt's legs on the couch, the back of your head resting against his chest while talking to nick and chris. "i mean, it's technically the same fuckin' thing, no?" matt huffed, shrugging. "kid, no. a TV show takes so much more effort to like, get trough." chris spoke. "not really to be honest. if you fuck with it it's not gonna feel as dragging like it would when you don't, obviously."

"nah but still, i'd rather just watch a movie than dedicate a whole day to grinding episodes. like you fully plan your day out around watching a whole season of a TV show" chris argued.

you and nick both exchanged looks, trying to hold your laughter at the meaningless conversation between the other two. the argument about what's better to watch kept going on for a little while longer until it eventually died down.

for the late evening, all of you decided on doordashing some food, eating it while watching a movie. when the movie finished, everyone got up, matt tapped your shoulders that his hands were rested on, urging you to get up so he could too. you got up, stretching, matt matched your movements. "i'll probably be out tomorrow but i can swing by later on." you let them know and they nodded, making their way to the front door of your apartment. hugging you goodbye, nick and chris made their way to the car. matt hugged you, "text me when you guys get home" you mumbled into his hoodie, hugging him back.

you said your goodbyes to matt for the night, closing the door and making your way into the living room, cleaning up the empty cartons of pizza and cans of sodas.

finished with your nightly routine, wiping off your makeup and doing some skincare, you got into bed, picking up your phone.

series link (everything you need to know)

taglist

@grace-sturnz @rcklessheavn @sofia-is-a-sturniolo-triplet-fan @chrissturniolossidebitch

[radicaldreemurrs]

very curious about your whole kris heart ideas, what do you make of it?

so i think the SOUL represents the "role" being played in deltarune.

deltarune is a role-playing game, but as has been demonstrated before the player is not quite playing as kris, but as kris's SOUL. i do not believe this to mean kris is being diegetically possessed though!! all humans have SOULs, and the nature of these SOULs is still not fully understood, so it feels far too early to take that for granted. what it means to me is that the avenues which the player is afforded in interfacing with the game are inherently limited by the established personality of the player character. this is not even something unique to deltarune, this statement is true of all role-playing games.

it is as inherent to the genre as its name — for the game to be played, there must be a role to fill, and for the role to have an acute narrative significance worthy of playing, the role must have compelling limits. those filling roles of heroism can't freely commit acts of heinous violence.... unless the context of the role dictates such acts to be just. this is a running theme in multiple entries in the final fantasy series (IV and VII come to mind), which are established intertext for deltarune in specific alongside other squaresoft RPGs of the time.

what deltarune seems to be interested in doing, in my understanding of it, is further subversion of the subversion of the player character as established by UNDERTALE.

what UNDERTALE was doing was providing a player character who was unlimited by role (read: did not have one), and through which we could interface with the fiction in any fashion the game could accommodate, with no real consequence aside from what the game itself would strive to condemn, which in practice was playing the game as you would a typical RPG. this is because the point UNDERTALE was making was that RPGs take a lot of things for granted that are ideologically very strange when you examine them beyond the abstractions.

the way it communicated this point was having the ghosts of two children killed by the very ideologies they each idolize — the ideologies that UNDERTALE itself poses in direct conflict with one another — haunt the narrative. the children looked to the player's actions to determine which of their ideologies was the correct one, but the prevalent theme is that life is simply more complicated than the binary of options they've both come to believe as the sole truth.

and if UNDERTALE was about the player impressing upon the narrative, then deltarune is about the opposite, narratives impressing upon players. but not just the player of deltarune, i mean the player characters of deltarune, who are themselves playing their own roles in their own games.

in the first two chapters, deltarune's main player character demonstrates an inscrutable ideological framework all of their own, but we are given hints as to where these ideas came from. the children of this narrative, too, play roles, not just within the diegetic RPGs they themselves play to escape the crushing weight of mundanity that looms in their futures, but also within the dark worlds themselves, and even in their day-to-day lives!

kris is set up to play a role of their own — the human whose SOUL is the only thing that can seal the dark fountains — and already it seems as though kris has struggled with their identity for much of their life. they are the only human in their entire town, and this clearly causes them distress from how much it alienates them from others innately. their dysphoria over their human identity combined with the yet-unknown traumas of their past and the looming threat of a terrifyingly normal future gives kris a lot of color immediately — color that informs their character, which informs the role, both theirs and ours.

deltarune has a relatively fixed narrative that is dead set on saying specific things, things which i believe it will find ways to say in any given approach to its narrative — there is only one ending. in order for it to be able to say these things effectively, it would be reasonable to assume that kris, as the primary catalyst through which to communicate the game's themes, must have a major stake in the thematic throughlines of the narrative as a whole. to this end, let me make a claim that is as polarizing as it is simple:

i do not think deltarune is at all interested in holding its player accountable as a culpable agent in the narrative.

it is my belief that the struggles kris undergoes with their SOUL have nothing to do with the abstractions of the game's narrative, but are instead indicative of a broader struggle they have with the role they are forced to play as a person in their own life, in the light and dark worlds.

i think their SOUL itself is more indicative of the role they play than the person they'd rather be — as a child with unhealthy relationships to their identity, their body, their mind, and reality itself, the brief freedom of being able to be someone else for a bit (out-of-character, so to speak) is a deeply liberating one. when the SOUL is out, they can take actions that go against their established role (why would the hero who seals dark fountains purposefully open another?), something the game chooses to represent as a lack of player control, at the cost of much of their strength — they need their assigned role to survive in this world, even if they feel like a slave to it.

it is through this greater logic of role-playing games that i can claim that all actions the player may take in deltarune are, without exception, filtered through kris — it is their SOUL — and yet it feels as though the limits of the role are constraining even on kris themself. this plays into why i think weird route is something that comes from them as well — if this is a world where no one can choose who they are, would it not be in their best interest to rip it apart at all costs? who would want to live like this?

(the irony in weird route, of course, is that the path to personal liberation through becoming stronger is inherently normative. but is this path not what kris and noelle themselves learned from their own role-playing games, which as mentioned before are most certainly not rife with political implication in the very basis of the genre? *sarcasm sarcasm*)

[james-is-here]

Babes, Okay, Cheat fic idea and guess what....I use my ex's actual name cause he was honestly a jerk on the brink of being a dick.

The plot twist is that this cheat fic is more like a revenge fic in a way cause- Well, just read it, it's better than explaining it 😅 the member I used is also a mystery and I gave Mn arm tats cause it's a weakness of mine.

Specifically for @succubus-hansol because filth. This smut is filthy and messy.

Blogs: @belladonna6-6-6 @heartbinn @leezanetheofficial @yongbokkk @michelle4eve @dontwannaexsist (Imk if I forgot you or you want to be added.

You were none the wiser about what your boyfriend was doing. You loved Shawn and he loved you, you trusted him and never saw him badly, he was the sweetest.

You didn't suspect the new cologne on him, the new hoodie, bruises, new necklaces, hiding his phone, elated attitude when he visited you, giving you vague answers when you ask where he's going....

Wait...

You didn't give him those things and his recent hiding from you is suspicious. How have you not looked into it sooner? Especially when he use to shrug when you took his phone, now he makes up excuses as to getting it out of your hand.

"Hey, where you going?" "Um...my mom needs my to help in her garden. I'll be back later." Okay, that's suspicious. "Isn't your car with your brother?" "Oh, I'm taking an uber." "Oh, okay. Love you!" You yell but he's already out the door. That's what tipped you off, first he was wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt and loose fitting slacks and boots. Second, he hates getting dirty, he doesn't do anything that gets him or his hands dirty.

When he came home hours later, he was tipsy, swaying everywhere and tripping over his feet before collapsing onto the couch and you watched from the dining table.

His phone ends up on the floor and you take the chance to check it. You two shouldn't hide things from each other but he does and you can't help but to listen to the devil on your shoulder, while your angel is trying to get you to trust Shawn but all you do is block it out.

You pick up his phone and unlock it, surprisingly it's the same passcode as always and yet he keeps it from you. Opening his app history, you see his messages and see that he's texting someone with the cliche contact name of "Doordash". Did he really think that you'd think the app itself was texting him?

Doordash: You just left and I already miss you 🥺

Doordash: When can we meet up again?

Doordash: I'm free tomorrow, wanna meet up at the convenience store next to my place?

Is he...seeing someone behind your back? Clearly this person doesn't know about you like you didn't know about him.

Scrolling through other messages, your chest tightens when you check a chat and realize that's it's yours and he fucking named you "Grubhub".

There's other contacts and fake names that haven't had any interactions in years, you and "Doordash" are the only ones minus his family members.

You pull out your phone and open your uber that you shared with him. Last ride on your account was surprisingly thirty minutes away. Closing out of the app and opening your contacts, you make a new one and save the "Doordash" number before going back to the other persons number.

After forever of texting Shawn, you know how to play the part.

You: Of course ❤️ I'm free as well, what time?

Doordash: Five okay with you? Wanna take you out before taking you to my bed. 😏

Damn, whoever this was is one smooth motherfucker.

You: Oh I can't wait 😩 See you then 😘

You delete the messages on your end then put the phone back with Shawn and leave yourself a reminder of what you just committed to.

What's shocking is you don't really feel hurt that he's been lying to you. Maybe a little but honestly you think you'll survive without Shawn.

When your reminder went off, Shawn was passed out in bed still. He woke up on the couch, hungover and in pain, so he was sleeping the previous night off.

"Mn, where you going?" He mumbled when he heard you digging through your closet. "Boss called me in for a little bit for a staff meeting and I need to pick up my paycheck. Won't be gone long." "Mmm okay." He hums as he stretches before settling and promptly passing out.

Leaving the bedroom with jeans and a grey t-shirt hoodie with the sleeves rolled up, showing the black ink chinese dragon wrapped around your right forearm and ivy vines wrapped around your left.

You grab a white cap and your keys, slipping on your shoes then heading out the door. The drive is short and you have to park across the street but looking around, you don't see anyone possibly looking for someone else until ten minutes after the set time.

A guy wearing all black walked to the door of the convenience store and leaned against the wall next to it, checking his phone and then turning his head back and forth, this has to be him.

Turning off your car, you get out quickly then cross the street, leaning on the other side of the door. You wait a couple minutes, glancing at him a couple times before the bell of the store rings. "Excuse me, you both are loitering. Either come in and get something or leave." The store owner scolds and you went to speak but the other spoke first. "Sorry, Ma'am, I'm just waiting for my boyfriend-" You quickly jump in, knowing she won't take that as an excuse. "No problem, Ma'am, we'll get out of your hair."

You give the other a tight lipped smile and walk over to him. "Sorry, come on." He surprisingly follows you to the side of the shop and you both find a bench. "Um, so why'd you do that? I was actually waiting for someone." "Sorry, again. Who were you waiting for?" "My boyfriend. His name is Shawn. I really should at least go back, at least nearby so he can find me."

He goes to stand but you stop him. "So you're Doordash?" "I- Excuse me?" Sighing, you rub your eyes and lean back. "Uh, okay...Shawn wasn't the one that messaged you to meet him here. It was me. He's also my boyfriend..." "What? No, Shawn wouldn't do that to me." "I thought the same thing. He told me last night he was going to help his mom in the garden." He sat up and looked at you almost in realization. "When he left my place he said he needed to get home to take care of his mom cause she was sick." "He came home tipsy last night." "We...We drank last night, how the fuck didn't I make that connection?" He berates himself and slouches back against the bench.

You both stare at the road ahead of you before you speak up. "Well...I'm Mn. What's your actually name Mister Doordash?" "Doordash?" You snicker at his confused face, thinking about it he is really cute. "Shawn named you Doordash in his phone. I was Grubhub." "That's so dumb." "That's what I said!" You laughed and a small smile graces his face. "I'm Chris or Chan. Guess it's...nice to meet you? I don't know." "I don't know either."

You both stare at the road again but you turn to look at Chan. He really did look cute, you guess Shawn can choose good men. He has a good looking face, fluffy hair peaking out of the beanie he wore, and you couldn't help but take in every detail, including how soft his lips looked, then you realized they were moving.

"Your ink looks cool." "Huh?" You blink, spaced out for a moment. "Your tats, they look really cool." "Oh, thanks." "So...Since we're both currently ghosting Shawn, wanna go get something to eat? It's better than sitting here and honestly I don't want to go home yet." You notice he's looking down at his fidgeting hands and glancing at your arms.

"Yeah, beats failing to try and get back at him and not coming up with anything." Honestly, since looking through his phone, the devil on your shoulder has taken the reins and you honestly wouldn't mind getting back at Shawn by using Chan.

"Can I be straight with you?" "Um, I think that'd still make you gay." You shake your head with a smirk as you laugh, throwing your head back. "Oh, you got jokes, huh?" He lets out a laugh and it's clear that the awkwardness is gone.

"I meant, smartass, can I be honest with you?" He giggles and nods. "Yeah." "We go get food, I pay, and then we get back at Shawn." "We?" You hum and stand up. "Food first, honestly I'm really hungry. I'll tell you then, yeah?" He sits up, looking up at you and then sighing and standing. "Yeah, okay. You will pay, right? Shawn makes me pay." "I always pay." "Okay then."

He actually takes you to Changbin's restaurant, his best friend. A homey bistro Chan helped him make a reality. "Who's this?" Changbin asked when Chan brought you to the bar in front of the open kitchen. "Funny story, actually. Mn, this is Changbin. Changbin, this is Mn, Shawn's boyfriend." Changbin choked on the water he was sipping and almost dropped his cup.

"You're joking." Chan sighs and sits down, you sitting next to him. "Nope. Apparently we were secrets, even in his phone." "Ooh, what were your names?" Changbin has heard of fast food contact names but has never heard it in person so he was eager to hear as he leaned on the bar in front of him. "Doordash." Chan answered and you followed with, "Grubhub."

Changbin grimaces and whistles lowly. "That's sucks. Anyways, whatcha want to eat?" Chan orders his and you get the same thing, not really sure what to get since his friend's menu looked really good.

When he delivered your food, Chan immediately started eating but you messed with your fries. "Hey, daydreamer, you okay?" Changbin teases when he returned from another customer. "Oh, yeah." "Thought you were super stunned by your food but you haven't even eaten anything." "Sorry, just never been cheated on and I feel like I should be upset. I mean I am but I also don't care." "People react differently. Honestly, if I was you I'd get revenge sex." Chan choked on his soda, couching and gasping and you reach over and pat his back.

"Ch-Changbin!" "What? That's just me." He holds his hands up in surrender. "I like you...funnily enough, I've actually been thinking the same thing." "Seriously?" Chan cleans up the soda he spilled and Changbin lowers his hands. "Yeah."

Chan didn't know how to answer, he just looked away and this time it was him staring at his fries. "Well, sleeping with other people wouldn't really be revenge but I guess-" "Dude, of course it's not revenge. I meant you and Mn. I-I mean if you want, y'know." Then he glances at you. "He's not bad looking, if you don't take him I will." You chuckle shyly while finally eating your fries. "Plus, you do have a thing for tat-" "Changbin! Please...I love you, mate, but shut up." "Dude, don't yell at me, you literally look like you brought him on a date."

He suddenly looks around, an older couple in a booth, a younger couple a couple seats down from you at the bar, and a teen on a laptop with headphones on at a table near the window. Looking at you, he smiles sheepishly. "Sorry." "It's okay. Also wouldn't mind getting revenge with you." "Really?" "Yeah." You smile, looking down at the counter, glancing at Chan's friend then back to Chan. "Shawn is good a picking the cute ones."

He sighs, a shy grin on his face as he rests his elbows on the counter and covers his face. "He flusters easily, doesn't he?" "He's usually confident and flirty, this is a first." "Oh really?" Changbin snickers when you lean over to Chan and he doesn't notice. "Chan?" He uncovers his face to look at Changbin but jumps when he sees your smirking face, dropping his hands onto the counter with a small slap as he leans away, hiding his smile in his shoulder as he completely blocks the two of you out.

"You both are jerks." You lean back to your seat with a soft chuckle and watch Chan straighten back up. "Are you serious though?" "I'm not usually one to sleep with people I just met but yeah, I am." Suddenly Changbin is harshly setting down his towel on the counter and leaving from behind the bar and coming over to Chan, pushing him out of his chair then pushing you out of yours.

"For two people who just met, there's a lot of tension so go take care of it, lunch is on me, go, go, go." "Wait, I said I'd pay though." "Don't fight with Changbin, if he says it's on him, it's on him, I've tried." Chan answers you as his friend shoves you out.

"Go, forget Shawn, have fun, I don't know." He pushes you out the door and then shrugs at the end of his sentence. "I swear, why am I friends with him?" "I heard that!" He yelled from the other side of the door.

Standing there awkwardly, you put your hands in your pockets and look down at the sidewalk. "Um, we don't have to at this moment...we could just watch a movie if that's okay." Maybe a movie could relax your nerves a little. "Yeah, that's okay." He smiles and steps away with you following, taking you to his place which is surprisingly a block away.

His apartment was cozy, not too many decorations but enough to show his personality and what he likes. "It not much but it's mine." is what he said when the both of you entered. "It's nice." You replied.

Now you sat on his couch, he sat cross legged on one side and you were stretched out on the other, arms crossed lazily on your stomach. It was a bit awkward, just sitting there in silence but it was okay.

Chan suddenly moved to sit closer to you and you glance at him from your peripheral. "How long had you been with Shawn?" "Mmm a year?" "Damn..." "What?" "He was with you before me. Six months." You shake your head, honestly astonished with this information.

Bringing up his knees, you saw his hand reach out to your leg before it stopped and his arm wrapped around his legs. Bringing a knee up, your thigh moved closer to him and you readjust, an arm going over the back of the couch, and he moved slowly to mess with the threads of your ripped jeans, turning his head only slightly but mostly hiding his face in his knees.

He slowly moves from the threads to the edge of the rip and then his fingers slip into the rips, fingers soft on the small exposure of your thigh.

Hesitantly, you take his hand into yours, just holding it but he tightens the hold slightly and pulls it towards him while crossing his legs and holding it in his lap, not even realizing he's practically encased himself with your arms in front of him and behind him.

His fingers are light while tracing over the head of your tattooed dragon, tracing its body and turning your arm to trace the lightning around its body. You stare at the side of his head, watching his eyes take in the details of the ink.

For a moment, you get lost in his beautiful features. You suddenly act on impulse, his hands moving from your arm when you raise your hand to his chin and turned him towards you. "You trapped yourself." You said softly and his eyes move around rapidly and suddenly realize where he is. "O-Oh, sorry." "You really do like people with ink, don't you?" "Yeah. I-I don't know why...just looks cool."

Tilting your head, you move forward and kiss his cheek, then his jaw, and when he doesn't pull away you move under his jaw, your kisses were soft and were barely there.

He inhaled sharply when you pressed your lips under his jaw, specifically under his ear, and you graze your teeth over the spot to get his reaction, a barely audible whine, before biting and sucking. Biting his lip, he lets out a soft moan and automatically tilts his head to give you more room and you move your hand from holding his chin to under the other side of his jaw and hold him where he was.

Attacking more of his neck, his noises were soft and held back as he kept his mouth shut, his hand moving to your knee, nails digging into your knees and causing a dull pain but your jeans lessen it.

Your hand moves to his thigh as you move back on the couch, getting closer and pulling his thigh towards you which makes the male move, uncrossing his legs and moving just as close.

Without thinking, your left hand still on the back of the couch moves to the back of his head, tangling your fingers into his hair then pull him back. That finally got a noise out of him, his lips parting and letting out a soft moan as he turns his head slightly towards you, lips still parted as his chest heaves out the soft pants he's panting out. His eyes wide and glancing at your lips, shining with spit from your recent attack.

You lean forward slowly, tilting your head and your lips barely touch before one of your phones is ringing. Pulling away, you look towards the sound and find your phone on the coffee table, Shawn's contact on the screen.

Looking back to Chan, he nods his head and you let go of his hair, leaning forward and picking your phone up before answering it bringing it to your ear at the same time Chan sits up, pushing you against the back of the couch and you watch as he throws his leg over your spread legs and sits on your lap.

"Oh-" "Mn? You okay, you've been gone for ages." You put the phone on speaker and hold it away from yourself as Chan places his left hand on your neck and his right on your bicep then leans into your neck, returning the marks that you gave him. "Ah~ Yeah, I'm okay, did you need something?" "No, just miss you. Thought it was just a staff meeting and getting your check?" "I-It was, boss kept me longer. He promoted me." "That's amazing!" That promotion was two weeks ago. "So you'll be home soon?" "Yeah, I should be. M-Mom asked me to stop and pick up dog food for Brexit." "Okay...Well, hurt back, yeah?" "I will." "Okay. See you soon, Mn." "You too, bye Shawn."

You hang up, tossing your phone onto the floor softly before placing your hands on Chan's thighs and turning to the left, laying him down and hovering above him between his legs. "You are braver than you look." "Thank you?" He asks with a laugh which made you smile.

"Now, can I continue what I was doing before I was interrupted?" "Yes. Please." Smiling, you lean down, barely touching his lips before you change your mind and lean up slightly, lifting your hand and thumbing his bottom lip, parting his lips further apart, his eyes locked on yours that are on his lips. "So obedient even though you just met me." His eyes flutter as he whines. You gently push his bottom lip back up so he closes mouth around your thumb and it's like automatic as he start sucking it. "How did Shawn get a hold of you? He hates being dominate."

He moans around your thumb when you push into his tongue then slip your thumb from his lips. "I-I'm m-more of a switch...but I haven't really, um, switched...guess I could only find subs so I never was one." "Well, now you can be."

Finally, you lean down and connect your lips, firm and absolutely certain that this is what you want cause when your lips connected with his full, soft ones and they parted easily for you, you didn't want to stop as you slipped your tongue in and swipe it along his, pulling a proper moan out of him and he sounds so good you can't help but groan in return.

His arms drape around your neck and pull you closer. In return, you act on impulse and lower yourself onto him and he moans again when your pelvis meets his, grinding your clothed growing hard-on into his.

Breaking apart for air, you move to his neck again and his back arches closer to you. "H-Hyung- Fuck, sorry." His hand flys to his mouth as you pick your head up. "So you have a thing for tatted older men?" "Am I wrong? I'm sorry." "I'm two years older than Shawn." "Same age as him..." Smiling, you kiss the corner of his mouth. "Then no, you're not wrong."

You lean back down, pressing your lips firmly to his before a ring tone goes off again. "Are you fucking serious?" You groan as you look up and grab Chan's phone, he takes it and answers but his hips still jolt up to meet yours. "Hey." "Chan! I'm bored~ Can we hang out?" "Um, one sec, can you call me back in a few minutes, I'm busy at the current moment." "Oh, yeah, sure." Chan hangs up, putting his phone on the table and pushing you off him to switch spots with him straddling your lap.

He pushes your shirt out of the way and drags his nails down your toned stomach before he comes to your belt, fingers fiddling with your buckle in fake struggle, fingers nudging into your bulge below the accessory as he pulls it apart, the buckle clinking against itself while he unbuttons your pants then slowly dragging down the zipper.

"Chan...Baby, go faster." You pant out before throwing your head back against the cushion when his hand palms you and opens your pants wider to fully hold you. Hissing at the sensation before huff out a moan and look back down at Chan's movements. "Fuck." "Baby make Hyung feel good?" He asked, his eyes wide and wanting as he bit his lip, humping into his own hand. "Yeah, baby. Shit, making hyung feel so good." His hand squeezes your bulge slightly before he lets go and pulls down your boxers.

Hissing at the cold air, you grip his thighs, attempting to pull him closer. "Hyung so...big...and heavy..." He purposefully lets some of his spit drip onto your tip as he begins to stroke you. "Baby, remember, Shawn's calling you back soon." "I know. You answer when he does and switch it to video call." "You crazy?" "For you? I am now. You think I'd let a guy and dick like you go?"

You chuckle as he scoots back on the couch, pulling your jeans further down to your knees and only pulls your boxers down to mid-thigh. "Gonna suck me off, Baby?"

His answer is taking your tip between his lips, tongue lapping at your pre-cum and swirling around your tip. "Fuck, so good." He takes more of you into his mouth, tongue moving rapidly on the underside of your cock, he moans as he pulls off of you with a 'pop' and exhales heavily as he strokes you, licking the underside of your cock. His actions all messy and sticky with saliva and pre.

His phone goes off again and you look over, grabbing it then looking back down to Chan who nods with a dazed smile and blown pupils. Answering it, you change it to video chat and point it at the ceiling before switching the camera to face the floor. "Chan? Why are you showing your floor, silly?"

He taps your thigh as he takes your cock down his throat and you groan as your head falls back, temporarily distracted as his warm, wet mouth takes you all the way in. "Ooh, you jerking off babe? Why didn't you call me sooner?"

You sigh out a moan, lifting your head then facing the phone towards Chan. "Wha- What the fuck, Chan?! You're cheating on me?!" You groan as he pulls up, his tongue sticking out as he reaches your tip and lets it rest on the pink muscle, his eyes blown wide and crossed slightly as he looks up at you. Your hand brushing through his hair, tangling in the strands and scratching his scalp, his eyes close as he moans. "Wait, Mn?! I recognize that tattoo, what the actual fuck?!"

"You cheated on us first..." Chan closes his mouth and starts bobbing his head, slurping and sucking, completely focused on your cock that he's become drunk on. "So don't go yelling at us." "This isn't fair." "What i-isn't fair is y-you cheating on me s-six months after we got together...a-and ch-cheating on Chan with me after that..." You get out through stuttery breaths as Chan's mouth felt so fucking good.

"W-We also know you were hiding us from each other. Doordash and G-Grubhub, really?" Chan gags on your length and gasps as he pulls back, jerking you off quickly as he rests your tip on his tongue again. "Fuck, Baby, go faster...gonna cum, baby, I'm so close." With your words, a moan, and a quick "Oh fuck!" You cum on his tongue as he keeps stroking you, humming at your release shooting into his mouth and when you finish, panting heavily, he licks your tip with the tip of his tongue before pulling back and shows his tongue mainly to you but Shawn was still yelling at the both of you.

He closes his mouth, swallowing your cum then sticking his tongue out to show you it's gone. You push yourself up, flipping the camera around before kissing Chan messily, tongues tangling together and you taste yourself on his tongue.

"We're done Shawn." You lean away from Chan and look at the phone, the younger male moving to leave marks on your neck as well. "Fuck both of you. This isn't fair." He hangs up and you laugh, tossing the phone away gently.

"Isn't fair, is he for real?" You think aloud before Chan is turning your head and kissing you again, moaning into your mouth as he moves back onto your lap and your hands hold his hips. "Hyung, please fuck me, I need you so bad." "Here or your room?" "Fuck me right here, please." "You can beg better, can't you?" "Hyung, please stuff me full. I-I need your cock, need it so bad, please Hyung, please." His his rut into yours, grinding his clothed erection onto yours, moaning freely.

"Baby so needy for his cunt to be full, huh? Only needy for me, right? You'll be mine from now on, right? Always want my cock stuffing you, keeping you full?" "Fuck, Hyung, please~" His moan morphs into a whine as his hips move faster.

You lay him down, sliding off your pants and boxers before pulling of Chan's sweats, finding him wearing only the sweats as his cock slips from the sweats and lays on his stomach, hard and leaking. "Commando, huh?" "I-I always was when I met up with him...now only for you." "Shit, you're so fucking cute." You toss his sweats next to your jeans before taking off your shirt.

"So hot..." His hands find your body as you hover over him and lick into his mouth. Your hand slips under his hoodie, hands smoothing over his skin and pushing up his hoodie. "W-Wait, I want to k-keep this on." "Okay." Your hand squeezes his peck before you move your fingers to pinch his nipple. "Ah~ Shi- S-Sensitive." He moans, arching his back and throwing his head back.

"I'm not removing it, just lifting it up." You say as you push the hoodie out of the way before leaning down and biting his tit. His hands, now covered by the sleeves of the hoodie, find your hair, gripping it when you move to bite and suck his nipple. His moans were music to your ears as you let go of his nipple and kiss up to his neck, biting and sucking under his ear.

"Hyung, please." He takes your cock into his hand, stroking you lazily. "I need to prep you though." "No, please." "Have you bottomed before?" He nods. "Please, I-I want...I need it, Please. I want the stretch...please, Hyung." He begs and you kiss him, your cock still covered in spit as you prop yourself up next to his hip, his legs folding next to your waist and spreading wider.

"Fuck." He wanted to watch but you are way bigger than he anticipated as you pushed yourself in, moving your hand to the side of his other hip. "Hngh~ Ah fuck~" His voice became higher, whinier as he lets out choked moans. "S'good, S'big. Hyungie s'big, ah~" He whines softly as he brings his hands up, clad with sweater paws as he hides his face.

"Yeah? Baby feel good? I haven't started fucking you and you're cock drunk. Has it been that long since you've been fucked?" "Y-Yes." "Then I will give you all I have." "Please, Hyung." "Don't worry, baby, I will."

You push yourself up, sitting back with your hands on his knees, holding him open. "Fuuuck Channie Baby...." Your left hand slides down his thighs and splayed itself on his toned stomach. "You look so fucking good. Such a good looking body, how did I not find you sooner?" Leaning back more only slightly, you gather quite a bit of saliva and let it fall off your tongue, landing on his hole and your length before you push in more.

Your right hand joins your left before holding his waist tightly and pushing forward at the same time you pull him towards you until you're finally all the way inside him. "Fuck~ S-S'full...S'big, fu-hgnh~" He squirms, body restless as he adjusts and his chest heaving heavily as it felt like the air was punched out of his lungs, his hands wanting to push him up to see but they let him go and his back arches.

You move your hands next to his head, mouth attaching to his and you swallow his moans, licking along his tongue, his teeth, the roof of his mouth. You claimed his mouth feverishly as you pull your hips back, leaning on your arm without pulling away to bring his leg up to his chest and hook it over your shoulder, leaning onto the other arm and bringing his other leg up and pushing it out.

"Hyung! Fuck, Fuck, right th-there!" "Already?" "Y-Yes, Yes, please move. Please fuck me, fuck...fuck me a-as if w-we d-didn't just meet each other, please." "Shit, you're gonna be the death of me now."

You push back in hard and he yelps, back arching the furthest so far as the moan he lets out is practically pornagrahic, you immediately thrust into him quick and hard, hitting his prostate dead on and drawing a moan with every harsh thrust into him.

"Fuck, you're so tight, Baby. So warm, so good. Such a good boy, practically letting a stranger fuck you." As he looks at you, his mouth is wide open, moans falling past his lips, and his eyes are blown wide and glassy with want, need, and lust. "M-Mn, F-Fu-uck, Hyung-" He gasps at the harsh thrust, your tip punching into his prostate. "I-I..." He whines, closing his eyes and looking away, covering his face with his right hand.

"You what, baby?" "I-I...I-I can't s-say it...just met you..." "We're w-well past that, Baby, just say it." "Fuck, I'm sorry...I-I l-love you, Hyung...I'm sorry." Leaning down, you give him a kiss, biting his bottom lip before letting it go and returning to hover over him. "It's okay, Baby. It's okay. I love you, too. Gonna take you out after this, screw Shawn, your mine n-now. G-Gonna treat you s-so well, g-gonna spoil my baby."

"Hyung, Fuck!" He arches into your chest, head thrown back. "Shit, don't stop, don't stop, faster, faster, AH FUCK!" Your hand wraps around his length, helping him closer to his high before he's cumming hard, shooting up to where his hoodie is bunched up on his chest and he squeezes hard around your length.

He whines in overstimulation as you keep thrusting into him. "Just a little longer, s'close, gonna fill you up, fuck it deep into your cunt." He clenches around you, making you moan softly at the feeling. "You like that? Wanna be bred? Want my cum deep inside you, have my babies?" He moans as his dick twitches slightly. "Fuck, gonna cum, fill you full, Shit~" You cum with a moan, groaning a moment later as you thrust into him deeply, barely moving your hips as he moans at the feeling of your warm seed fills him up.

"Don't...Don't pull out..." You chuckle tiredly, collapsing onto him with your face in his neck. "U-Unless you c-can carry me t-to m-my room, we're laying here." You gently let his legs go, moving your own legs in order to sit up and take him with you. He yelps in shock as your dick shifts but still stays inside him.

"Think you can lean back and grab your pants?" "No, I sleep naked." "Okay then." You grab his thighs and stand up, he wraps his arms around your neck, burying his face in the side of your neck and leaving small kisses before he nuzzles his nose into your neck, cuddling into your arms.

"Do you have a plug?" "I'm hugging it." He mutters and you physically have to stop and laugh. "That's not...Really?" He giggles as you enter his room, closing the door behind you then moving to sit on his bed. "No, hold on." He detaches himself from you and leans to his right slightly to the drawer of his nightstand and pulls out a plug.

"Want me to put it in?" "Obviously." You take the object from him and he places his hand on your shoulder as yours move to his ass, squeezing the soft skin and spread him before lifting him up, you slip out of him with a slight squelch noise then replace yourself with the toy. "Fuck..." "You okay?" He whines, shifting on your lap as your hands stay on his ass. "S'empty..." You chuckle, kissing his temple. "I'll get you a bigger toy so you'll always be full."

He pulls back, meeting your eyes. "Really? Y-You don't h-have to, I-I was just saying that stuff to...get off." "Were you really? I was serious, going to take you out tomorrow and spoil the hell out of you. Sounded like you were serious too, remember? Can't let a good guy and dick like me go." "I-I did...Shit..."

"Do you want to be something with me?" "I do. You're so much better than everyone else." "Then from now on you're my baby, my sweet baby boy, okay?" He nods shyly, leaning forward to hide his blushing face in your neck. "I'm your baby boy, Hyung. I..." He hesitates and you kiss his shoulder. "I love you, baby." He whines, tightening his hold around your neck. "Mmm...I love you too, Hyung."

Taking him with you, you lay down under his covers before covering you both up, he snuggles under his blankets and closer to you, wrapping his arms around your middle as he tucks himself under your chin, nose nuzzling at your neck and taking in your scent as your arms wrap around his shoulders and hug him close.

"Good night, Channie Baby."

"Good night, Mn-Hyung."

[pinkkop]

This week's recap is brought to you by Strongberry's QLs because I had no idea they also had GL short films until this week! There might not be as many as their BL short films but they're delightful and hella queer as usual. If you haven't watched any of Strongberry's short films I highly recommend them, @absolutebl has a really good longer post about them. My own personal recs are, if you want queer life: Secret Roommate or Boss in Love, if you want warm: Some More or Perfect One-Night Stand, if you want sweet: Hold Me or A First Love Story and if you want spicy and unhinged: Sweet Curse 🔥🔥🔥

QL Recap for Week 19

The 5th of May to the 11th of May

🇹🇭 Pit babe 2

Episode 2 of 13 || Watching on: iQiYi, Friday

I'm already obsessed with this show! It's just so good! Like the acting is great, the production looks really good, the plot has me hooked and I'm intrigued by the mysteries. I'm not partial to any specific theories yet about who the mole is but I'm loving all the theories. Still absolutely obsessed with North and Sonic. Let me tell you, my heart absolutely shattered when North's face fell after Sonic deflected his question and left him standing by the glass wall.

🇹🇭 The Next Prince

Episode 2 of 14 || Watching on: iQiYi, Saturday

Okay, I'm completely on board with this show now. It's clear that they've put so much effort into the show, as well as money, and that definitely makes for a good viewing experience. Also all the actors are killing it which just makes it so much easier to get immersed in this show.

🇹🇭 My Stubborn

Episode 4 of 12 || Watching on: iQiYi, Sunday

This keeps being a hit for me. I love the dynamic and the concept of the show and also the NC scenes are still fire even if the one in this episode ran a little long (still miles better than most BLs). Seeing Sorn finally go too far and have to deal with the consequences was really good and I really hope he starts reevaluating how he acts towards Jun.

🇹🇭 The Bangkok Boy

Episode 3 of 12 || Watching on: Gagaoolala, Saturday

Watching this after The Next Prince was a wild tonal shift. This show is so raw but it commits so completely to its world building and plot that I simply can't look away. I am so invested in this story now which is crazy because I did not see this and My Stubborn becoming such darlings of mine. It's wild that just a few weeks ago I felt like most QLs airing were nothing special but these days there are at least four high quality outstanding BLs airing at the same time!

🇹🇭 Sweetheart Service

Episode 1 of 12 || Watching on: Youtube, Friday

I have a lot of respect for Strongberry but the jury is still out on how I feel about Strongberry as a BL series creator. They're a very queer centered company and I would highly recommend watching pretty much all of their short films but when it comes to longer series they haven't done many and the most recent one, Blossom Campus, was a miss for me. So going into this show I'm hesitant but very hopeful. The first episode was very promising but I'll be holding out judgement until it's finished airing.

🇹🇭 Boys in Love

Episode 4 of 12 || Watching on: Youtube, Sunday

As always the kids and their pairings are cute but is there an overarching plot in this show? I feel like I'm missing some meat on this show because it feels like it's just scenes strung together with a weak thread. Also, to my surprise, the biggest miss for me is Podd and Papang's pairing. Especially this episode I just felt like Papang's character was being really childish about Podd's character maybe dating someone else. Like dude, you guys are not even really in a talking stage yet so you have no right to be pissy and standoff-ish about it. In a show where most of the characters are teenagers being allowed to act like teenagers I don't need to also have the adult characters act like teenagers as well.

🇹🇭 My Golden Blood

Episode 9 of 12 || Watching on: Youtube, Wednesday

So now Mark can also sleep! He's gotta be turning human!! And I'm also still convinced that Khun Thara is a bad guy. Honestly, the pairing and characters don't quite make up for how questionable the plot is if you ask me.

That's it for this week!!

For links and airing schedule check out World of BL (Only for BLs)

[borkthemork]

The ending of Danganronpa THH honestly hit me more than I expected when I first saw it, and these lines specifically took me a while to compose some response to how much it resonates with me.

Because the metaphor of witnessing irrational violence and governmental upheaval is there. The idea of all societal structures being gone due to powerful people doing stuff outside of their control is there.

If you look past how silly and over-the-top stuff gets with the Tragedy, I think that's where the story of it becomes more of a concept rather than a literal, physical event in my eyes if we think about how Enoshima framed the Killing Game.

It's an experiment that forced multiple people to hurt each other. They are placed into strict rules that can change at any time, at any place, under heavy surveillance where privacy is scarce, all because higher forms of rules said so. The group has to negotiate, be on guard, tolerate the rules, and forced to see each other not as equals but as opponents struggling to live due to an overseer threatening them and their personal security. It is only when people realize the rules can be challenged, do people start to realize there are loopholes around these regulations to survive, because even if the higher-up wants to punish them, it has to be careful of how they conduct themselves in front of third parties because it will affect their legitimacy and their philosophy as a state of control. People start taking risks to further break these rules. People begin to realize the rules don't have to be followed. The order of the supposed control starts to skew and bend.

For the students of the Killing Game, to then be told the truth about the world outside having collapsed, it's on a scale bigger than the supposed sanctity of their "home". There are riots, countries going to war, use of propaganda, murder, violence, greed, cycles of trauma that create even more forms of pain and vengeance that continue on to more people. Enoshima tells them that if they leave the supposed secure rules of their home, the place they live, then people will be out to get them. There won't be any comfort in fighting against the system. They will have to fight over and over to survive as the status quo changes, and yet, the survivors know that they have nothing left to lose. They don't know what will come after they leave the system, but they will work together to keep going and see if they can make something better.

They don't let the threats of higher powers deter their resistance, and they fully stop listening to this structure. That is what "bowing out of the game" means.

It's the concept of watching your friends and family be at the mercy of abusive structures outside of your control, and having to commit hard decisions to keep them safe. It's the concept of living in a world that exploits you for its own goals on its own terms, and pushing forward to find what can be done even with these restrictions. It's the concept of having to find the helpers and resistance despite the magnified stupidity, irrationality, and unfair violence that happens to innocent people. It's the concept of realizing the rules can be broken, but can't be broken by one person alone — it needs a village. Because good people are always there. There will always be groups fighting to live and to love for their fellow human beings, and to make sure they are remembered and cared for, because the way out is to believe and act on the idea that things can get better.

The hardest thing for a human being to do is to hope that there is a better option, that people can be rehabilitated, given security, support, and somewhere safer than what is currently in the now.

After all, it's still our world, and it's where we're meant to live.

[variousqueerthings]

one of the interesting things about the shield is how easy it is to become lesser-than. everyone who's a cop thinks of themself as fundamentally a cop and therefore situationally different to the people out on the street. which, if you're a white straight guy so far that's been easier to maintain (although one man has committed suicide for accidentally causing the death of his ex-wife and child and ofc our lead character is constantly losing his relationship with his own children, but these aren't because of being white straight men), but every character who's not within that specific demographic has in some way suffered for the traits that they pretend that they're somehow above (although also occasionally invoking commonality when it suits them to do so)

julien was beaten for being gay by other cops. danny has faced misogyny on the job by other cops. aceveda was sexually assaulted and then his wife (and cousin) react like everyone else would, like he's lost his masculinity and so he can't tell anyone else and actually get help (im not far enough in yet to say if he eventually does or not) and claudette is constantly undermined/loses out on her promotion and it's not quite as directly tied to her being a black woman within the text but it certainly happens more to her than to others and i think that's very intentional

but. buuuut they all still hold onto the privilege of being a cop. being a cop is a way of life. everything else doesn't matter because of the brotherhood of cops or some such culty verbiage. they repress all the parts of themselves with as much violence as is required to become a part of the "in-crowd" (except for claudette and aceveda to an extent, they do try to marry these ideas within themselves by representing the "good" black/latino communities, altho especially aceveda stumbles more often than not)

the precariousness of thinking that being a cop makes you immune from bigotry, because you're first and foremost a cop, right? and your fellow cops see you that way too... right? and it's possible to stamp down any similarities you see between yourself and the people you arrest/look down on/at best see as weak civilians, until whatever element of you that would also be targeted by systemic violence is wholly eradicated and this is definitely good for the soul and doesn't cause irreconcilable paradoxes within your sense of self......... right?

the ease with which one can be un-personed and the lack of protection, ultimately, being "one of the good ones that plays ball and enforces these systems" affords you. at best the death of the soul through escalating violence

[verdantwyrm]

Hi! Sorry to rant, I don’t know if it’d be appropriate, or if the theme has been discussed already… But you’re, like, the ambassador of Curly enjoyers to me, so I figured this would be my best bet.

The thing is, I’ve been quietly seething lately thinking about how much the perception & treatment of Curly post-crash is defined by his injury. Like, how much it would’ve changed if the man had at least retained his face.

(I mean, he is my fav character for many reasons and in a lot of ways, and yet when replaying the game I have to stop and remind myself every now and then that this is the same person we occasionally play as, with the same set of memories, traits, thinking patterns etc. Not because I forget the fact, but because of how easy it is to subconsciously divide them when he neither behaves nor looks the same anymore. I have a mind exercise of coming to the med bay as I have to pass by, to observe Curly where he lies on his gurney table and try to imagine his pre-accident version looking up at me from there. Something of an attempt to strengthen the associative connection and not be part of the problem.)

Imagine an AU where basically everything is the same but the cockpit didn’t catch fire during the crash, and instead the ship just stopped very abruptly, Curly hit the wall/control panel badly and broke his spine, leaving him paralyzed from the neck down. So he is aware but unable to move around or communicate effectively (like in canon), but also he’s completely recognizable. Now, I’m not saying people in the fandom wouldn’t have still treated him like a prop or a pet or a child or some kind of silly f/cked up mascot (bc some people are *****), but I bet my kidney the occurrence would’ve been considerably less common than it is now. And that’s it, that’s the point. The whole dehumanization thing going on is just disheartening.

Anyway, sorry once more if it was all over the place, didn’t mean to be rude... Thanks for listening and for all your committed work as an ambassador and an advocate!

Hi Anon! o(^-^)o Thank you so much! And do not apologise, you have no idea how much I appreciate you and others coming into my inbox and giving me their opinions, feedback and perspective of stuff! Curly is my favourite character as well and I will not tolerate slander! Especially when its just straight up incorrect.

But to answer your question, alot of Curly's post-crash dehumanisation does immensely come from the fact that he's lacking any real facial features. Real life burn victims that have suffered directly to their faces experience this basically every day. Because they lack a """normal""" face thats recognisable, alot of people subconsciously stop recognising these people as Human because they Do Not Look Like One.

Even people that are just double or triple amputees (or in Curly's case, a quadruple amputee) deal with an immense dehumanisation and infantilisation because they "lack the necessary equipment to be an adult human" and perform tasks on their own. There comes a very specific type of infantilisation towards disabled people and thats the utter denial and ignorance that once you "become" disabled you no longer have sexual desires, that you no longer function as an adult and anyone trying to have sex with you or engage with you in that way is a creep because to them you are the equivalent of a 10 year old.

Curly and how he's treated by the fandom and whatnot is significantly impacted by how he looks, and the example you give me of him managing to not burn all of his skin off but would become paralysed from the neck down, I know for a fact that if that was the case, he would be treated significantly worse because he cannot move. Canon Curly isn't paralysed, he's just in an excruciating amount of pain that reduces his movement, but he does still have somewhat control over his limbs. If he somehow ended up paralysed ontop of that, the treatment he receives would be way, way worse. And I can't even begin to describe what that would look like, but I know deep down in my gut that it absolutely would.

If he were to somehow not get burnt but still get paralysed like you said, I think his treatment could be different, but I'm not sure exactly how. He would absolutely still be dehumanised to an extent especially with being paralysed, but its the fact that he has a face that makes a difference. People might be able to remind themselves that he's a grown ass man, but probably not.

You going through the effort to conciously remind yourself that they are infact the same character is actually fantastic, and it shows that you're willing to see disabled people as human beings, real people, even in this case. And you're doing marginally better than alot of people who look at him and completely reduce him to nothing but a dog, creature or an "it" or "thing"

And it's also evident in how Jimmy treats him too, as a liability, that because he's in this state he can just strip away his title like it doesn't mean anything, dehumanise and project his own authority over. Jimmy does this with Anya and Curly, significantly so with her, but in an increasingly horrifying way with Curly.

And thank you so much Anon! Never apologise, I had alot of fun answering this question, and I will continue to work hard as Curlys ambassador and defender! ヾ(*・ω・)ノ

[femdemon]

While I'm posting about my experiences with transandrophobia, I feel like people are weird about headcanoning characters as transmasc specifically. Like, obviously, there's your regular old gender and sex based bigotry a lot of the time about headcanoning any character as being anything other than strictly cis, perisex, and gender conforming, but people who allege to be progressive and open-minded get really weird and hostile about transmasc folks specifically seeing ourselves in fictional characters.

Like, okay. I've seen people say, "If you're only headcanoning overtly feminine characters as transmasc and overtly masculine characters as transfem, and you yourself are cis or whatever, maybe you should ask yourself why and whether or not you might have some internalized binarism you need to work on." And this is true, and good to point out! But then I've seen other people take this very good and true message and do some medicalism, gender essentialist bullshit to it like, "Yeah! Stop headcanoning feminine characters as transmasc altogether! Especially if you're a gender non-conforming transmasc person who heavily relates to the character in question and see a lot of yourself in said character. Don't you wanna be taken seriously by Normal People? Don't you wanna be seen as a Real Man? You can't headcanon this character as transmasc, then. Obviously, they're a trans woman, actually, like it's practically canon. In fact, you're Committing An Erasure if you headcanon this character as any gender other than a trans woman, and this is a crime that can never be forgiven and must be punished with Shunning until you admit that you're wrong."

And, like, I'm not saying that this never happens with other headcanons, I've absolutely seen it happen with other queer identities, I just see it a lot with respect to my own gender and I feel like it's bizarrely frequent. Why exactly are people so threatened by even just the idea that a character could be interpreted as transmasc? Why do people get this heated about basically any fiction or insist that it has something to do with representation when it was never canon to begin with? Some random person online who definitely isn't the author isn't in control of the story or characters, and it does nothing to the canon for them to have an opinion or idea about it that you don't like. I know that not everybody has gotten the "fandom isn't activism" memo yet, but even still, it just strikes me as really strange to sort of gatekeep who's allowed to relate to certain characters, or even just imagine them in ways that are different from fanon.

It kind of feels a lot like that thing people do where they're like, "Oh, the aces and aros want some characters they can see themselves in, we'll just give them the aliens and robots (never humans) and such, that should be enough." And then when we're like, "Okay, yeah, I can definitely see a lot of myself in this beloved robot character," suddenly it's all, "Nooo, beloved robot character couldn't possibly be aspec! You buffoon!!! How dare you!!!" It's like, even when we do get "permission" to have headcanons and characters we see ourselves in, we still don't really have it. And then I wonder why I'm always so drawn to inconsequential background characters who contribute nothing to the plot - I've totally been conditioned into it because liking and relating to the main cast is forbidden, I guess.

I know this is a very niche, small problem in the grand scheme of things, but it bums me out. Especially since a lot of this is coming from people who consider themselves allies and stuff, and we already face so much backlash just for daring to suggest that we have unique struggles. Not even when we're having fun storytime with our fan fiction do we get a break.

[vellichorom]

you post a lot of fandom stuff, but do you have any ocs? not fandom ocs but completely original stuff? original stories? can you tell us about them if you do?

ummb,,

i'm apparently part of the weird minority of fanartists who DOESN'T really have OCs on the side, i'm afraid... or rather - i have a bunch of character CONCEPTS, but none i have ever felt confident in developing much farther than the scraps of a design & a baseline motif for them

while i very much enjoy digging through & elaborating on the lores of other stories -- be it through my own theories, headcanons, or through the occasional fancharacter, i struggle a lot with attempting to create my own worlds & characters to fill them beyond mere concepts, & i'm not entirely certain why that is. but it's something i'd like to work on so maybe one day i CAN just make my own world & characters - to be JUST as obsessed with as my original work as others are with theirs!

as it stands, i have a handful of ideas maybe one day i'll feel free-er to elaborate on - original & not ( yes you'll still hear about my fandom-based OCs too to make up for the lack of originals ) that i'll make a list of below for both our sakes,

Avure - designed explicitly for a fantasy setting, he's the well-renowned head of a monsterhunter organization, something either inherited from his father or built from a traumatic experience(s) in his youth // character heavily inspired by simon laurent ( infinity train ), miles edgeworth ( ace attorney ), & jay bateson ( awful hospital )

// one of the ocs i reference the most, one of the ones that has the most development, & a favorite amongst my friends wink wink, but one who's been stuck in a special development hell since he was first conceived )

" Yandere-chan " - the embodiment of " fiction affects reality "; a young girl so heavily inspired by various tropes in media she consumes ( as implied by her title - primarily that of anime ), that she ends up committing a crime heavily inspired by them & goes on the lam thereafter...... wow i can't believe it, thierry before thierry

// a character i feel would work best in an " askblog " type format, post-crime

,,,& actually i think that's all in the way of strictly original characters i have so here's all my fandom ocs too,

" Billiam Wafton " ( Spooky Month ) - probably not his name; this world's stand-in for a certain purple guy responsible for a franchise of possessed animatronics, this time manipulating the happy fella brand for his own whims & running a restaurant either inspired by or having inspired the plush toy,

// heavily inspired by the fnaf community's earlier characterizations of the yet TO be characterized william afton, as well as earning his looks from the movie's rendition

Cain Velseb ( Spooky Month ) - bob velseb's twin taxidermist cousin that's similarly as weird as him but with animals; way louder, more obnoxious, & very traditionally southern -- the embodiment of " jolly womanizing drinking buddy "

" Mama " Velseb ( Spooky Month ) - as the title implies, bob velseb's single mother, still kicking in her 80's out of sheer spite; a kindly albeit emotionally distant woman who embodies familial & southern tradition & comfort -- but relatively liberal - at least in the matters pertaining to her family, did her best to spoil & raise bob on what little they had. had really little to no responsibility in how her son turned out criminal-wise;

// these characters are very dependent on a very specific personal characterization of bob velseb, thus more context is likely required to get them fully

Starkeeper ( MLP:FiM ) - a budding unicorn canterlot astronomer that may or may not have contributed to the prophecy of nightmare moon's escape by experimenting with the stars; a bit clumsy & awkward not unlike g3's minty - albeit a little geekier, finds trouble in making friends but pines for it - as well as virtually all of the mares in her vicinity, primarily (1) twilight sparkle - of whom she really dropped the ball with before she left for ponyville,

" Unnamed Baker Pony from Starlight's Cult " ( MLP:FiM ) - as stated, a pony from starlight's cult who held a mindset similar to / compatible with her's, believing her special talent in baking matters little when there's dozens of other baker ponies in the world; obviously far less confident in herself than what her cutie mark ought to define, & deeply misses the way things used to be since starlight left. deeply in love with her, as a matter of fact, finding it hard to live without her guidance & order & desperate enough to go chasing after her after the fallout,

" Unnamed Matchmaker Birdie " ( Hatoful Boyfriend ) - you know how in dating simulators there's hints or tutorial npcs there to help you win the heart of your favorite character? well here's the hatoful equivalent; this birdie is obsessed with love, love, love & wants to help hiyoko tosaka in her quest for a birdie boyfriend however way they can, offering tips & knowledge about whichever bird she's after & encouraging her the whole way through! may or may not be a dove agent trying to manipulate the case in hiyoko's favor, which - either way, is a big no-no. they only appear at the beginning of each route & go completely missing as she finds her way.

" Unnamed Ultimate Film Director " ( Danganronpa ) - an up-&-coming film director that specializes in programs with heavy emotion & dramatics, such as dramas or horror films; such has lead him to be fascinated in the structure of the human psyche... & body. turns out this love of film production came from his familially-imposed history of & participation in snuff films when he was younger, of which he's continued to do well into his adulthood. such knowledge of reality & fiction leads to an incredibly keen eye & hand.

// deeply inspired by INVADERGAYA/anakin's song " Blood on Film ", the original video of which no longer exists publically

Shock Site ( unaffiliated object oc ) - a prankster webpage with a taste in all things controversial & horrifying to most; deeply enjoys terrorizing others with all things terrible & disgusting they would have preferred never to see,

Deep Web ( unaffiliated object oc ) - (( the one on the right )) a producer / distributor of a number of certain illegal things ( business in murder, drugs, weapons - things of that nature & no farther ) simply to get by; affiliated with shock site in some way or another,

// object ocs obviously inspired by my fascination with dark internet content woahh

&,,,,, i think that's all i have to share for now, HOPEFULLY YOU'RE NOT TOO DISAPPOINTED WITH MY LIMITED ANSWERS! as stated, i struggle a lot with fleshing out characters in their own independent stories, but i nevertheless thank you for being interested in even the independent stuff i may make - though limited it may be,

may these whet your palette to my partially original creativity ✨

[nerves-nebula]

People also just make their atheists mcs so boring, as someone who had gone through a fucked up crisis of faith during my teen years I can say with certainly it was not a purely logical thing but a combination of a bunch of factors and a lot for weird emotions, like my relationship with grief, luck, and what it means to be a "deviant". Like guys just make your atheists just as weird as your religious folk, atheists aren't some magically more knowledgeable and logical beings, I dont believe a good god can exist yet I still rant to god/universe sometimes, I also believe in free will but I also sometimes worry that fate itself is conspiring against me, I belive in living for yourself but I still loosely follow some teachings I grew up with (mostly the ones about remembering those poorer from you exist and that you shouldn't waste food, and that you shouldnt do harmful things unless its strictlynecessaryto protect yourself)

(Then again I think the reason so many atheist mcs are so boring to me is because almost all of them come from a white atheist former Christian perspective, while I grew up shia muslim and identify as agonists rather than strictly atheist, so my maybe I just got bored from seeing the same perspective over and over)

nah i get that cuz like even tho i guess im technically athiest or agnostic too (used to ID as agnostic but now i dont ID as anything cuz i feel like those imply a history with belief that i just Don't Have lol. i think for a long time it was just "how tf would i know" and that was that) and athiest characters can be so bizarre to me cuz like. i was raised catholic but i literally didnt ever believe in it cuz it didn't make sense to me. but i thought of it as like, a cool cultural thing i guess?? and I didn't really realize people were serious until i was like 11 lmao. and even then i grew outta that smarmy athiest shit when i was like 14 fasdfdsfasdf

but a lotta athiest characters used to believe and then stopped at some point and its like.. is that why they can't be normal about it? do they have any spirituality or wonder or are they full time committed to The Bit? idk. its weird.

i mean part of the reason im trying to world build so much for hanheppi people is that i just don't grok religion. reading from the perspectives of other religious people kind of broadened my horizons but i just dont really get it and idk how to have my questions answered without it sounding like im taking the piss or smth lol. so im just doing more research but like. REALLY slowly.

really slowly because i keep getting caught up in world building things that i do understand better, like hierarchy and city planning and the gender system :p

im supposed to be doing my final on Hanheppi faith and I straight up still do not really get religion. BTW if you're reading this and are religious, or weren't and converted, or you used to be, can u let me know what the fuck is up I am DYING to understand cuz I have, like, a genuine appreciation for the spiritual. I fuck with an adoration of nature and the world around you and big overwhelming emotions, i just can't connect that shit to religion.

honestly there's almost TOO many books about it. It's hard for me to figure out which of these millions of religious books to read because there are so many, with insane biases and history im not aware of, and i have no idea which ones will give me the insight I'll need to Really Lock In.

I understand a lot of surface level ideas about being religious but when people describe it to me what I don't really get is how all of that then transfers into you going "and so that's why i've converted to Buddhism" or something. like what makes it all funnel into the choice of one specific religion rather than another.

ok sorry this ask got away from me. point is: yeagh

[normalbrothers]

when you think about tommy and arthur as a ship do you envision that they have actual sex, or is it more like an emotional thing? if they do have sex, when/how do you usually imagine it started?

oh, thank you for that one, love the question!!

i mean as far as it goes it's an emotional thing point blank, already within canon, to me. they are irretrievably enmeshed as is, and i don't necessarily think it's a leap to see arthur's letter to tommy - the wish to commit suicide once tommy's dead - as a deeply romantic gesture (and then again, arthur is a deeply romantic character Capital R), or see a specific kind of intent in how tommy and linda are regularly paralleled (or how arthur is the point of this triangle in the first place). there are a lot of lines being blurred there, even as they are brothers first and foremost. some interactions between them could be read as a sort of physical attraction, too, but that's neither here nor there lol i'm not insisting on it, but i do like how they behave with each other, towards each other, etc it's neat and very attractive to me

there's a lot of variation in what i think works in terms of them having sex (or sex at all): to me it always exists in that continuum of (implied) (incestuous) sexual abuse, you can't really have it without that i think, even though i don't think within that it's a violent or abusive thing per se (they do have their issues, though). so there's some mileage, but i'm very sticky on the idea that whatever goes on between them developed before the war, when they were young. anything from it staying in the realm of plausible deniability to actually had sex is possible to me, and i do think they were relatively young either way. not like, perilously so, but tommy having been around 13 or 14 would probably work (the sexual abuse started earlier tbh).

it stopped sometime before the war, and definitely completely after they returned home; there's a lot of tension and estrangement between them right from the start (while you get the distinct sense it wasn't always like that; they know *know* each other) and we can watch how their dynamic shifts and transforms over the show; always a yearning for closeness and mostly frustrated with and missing each other but finding the other again (and then losing each other again :-/). there's tommy's cutting himself off from the family and the family cutting him off initially and then some attempts at repair but it's an uphill battle, nevertheless season 3 stands out, because no matter how you slice it, he does regard linda with a certain amount of jealousy, and it's the most conflict-laden relationship he has with any of his in-laws (barring freddie, but that's due to them being bitter exes lolol), and it's obvious that he's reconsidering his and arthur's relationship a lot, even though there aren't really any good answers yet. after s3 there's a momentary relief where both tommy and arthur kind of become ... reacquainted again, after grace and john's deaths respectively, and they are on some equal footing during s4 and the beginnings of s5 where i could see them nose-dive into a grief-stricken affair of questionable comfort.

if nothing happens during the course of the show, my absolute favourite thing is really the post canon leaving on the january together scenario which is also the ending of my heart, even though i have resigned myself to the fact that it won't happen </3 but i truly like it so much: the disturbed melancholy of reentering this trauma-bearing domain of their childhood as battered middle-aged adults with nowhere else to go, but it is still an express choice gladly made, relearning to touch and face and love each other again, beyond redemption or forgiveness, because - and this is the ultimate act of selfishness they grant themselves - they can't give each other either these things, are not owed them from the other, they are not within their power and right to give, but what they have is complete perfect acceptance and understanding and recognition of and unity with the other at last. the branches have regrown inward, deep into the ground, where they can finally rest, entwined again as they used to be, etc etc you get the picture

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! Sorry if it is a bit of a silly question, reading another one of your answers I was wondering, does it mean that if one of your stories does not explicitly have a happy ending or hopeful ending tag, it will not end well?

I love your writing and just learning how to navigate through them. Thank you for everything!! <3

does it mean that if one of your stories does not explicitly have a happy ending or hopeful ending tag, it will not end well?

It usually means I don't know! (And sometimes it means I've forgotten to add the tag for long stories)

I also don't often add it to smaller/shorter stories or compilations where it's a lot more open-ended. Like, open-ended stories for me don't really get a hopeful or happy ending tag either.

But yeah for the most part, especially for longer stories, once I know for sure, I will add a hopeful or happy ending tag.

Sometimes honestly it's also about the reader just reading all the tags and looking at the picture they present. If an author writes things like: bad BDSM etiquette / rape/noncon / dark!character / manipulation / poor communication / etc. followed by a bunch of kinks, there's no reason to assume there will be a happy ending. It doesn't mean the ending will be bad, either, it just means...if a story's still ongoing, not knowing is a risk that the reader chooses to take. That's part of why paying attention to the tags that are there (and the ones that aren't) are so important.

A lot of authors don't use ending tags because they assume that readers can pick up the context based off the tags and warnings themselves, or because they don't know themselves, or because they don't want to spoil the ending, because they don't know how to describe it, or because the idea of tagging for something that doesn't exist yet in the fic just feels wrong to them (as it often does for me, in those cases).

AO3 fics don't really owe any ending tags to anyone, and it's a good idea to never assume that a fic actually will have a happy ending / hopeful ending etc. unless like, most of the tags are trending in a direction that makes that more likely or the author has specifically said so. That doesn't mean the ending will be tragic or bad, it just means maybe the ending will be open, instead, and leave it up to the reader's interpretation. Or it might be hopeful by the author's standards, but still feel unresolved to readers etc.

There's no harm in asking the author, but some aren't going to be able to give an answer (they might not know what kind of ending a story will have - like me sometimes), they might not know if the fic is going to have a happy or hopeful ending so can't realistically commit to a tag (I've been here too), they might have never thought about it before and/or want an open ending, and some won't answer because they don't want to spoil the ending of the fic (this is less common, imho).

[blackjackkent]

Banter from Karlach and Minsc on the way towards Wyrm's Rock for the final showdown:

LOL. Jaheira definitely overhears this and thinks it's hilarious.

-----

Less amusing is our current dialogue with Wyll.

I'm actually legitimately kind of annoyed that the game seems to have completely ignored Rakha's persuasion check in the Act 3 romance scene where she refused to commit to "forever" within him, because she didn't feel she could give him that. Wyll's banter and now his romance dialogue tree all are centered around the idea that they do have forever and are going to be getting married.

"What am I to you?"

"A few moonrises back, I thought the answer was complicated, but it's quite simple really. You are my yesterday, my today, and my tomorrow. Fortune willing, as the seasons of life pass into winter and my hair goes to grey, you'll still be within my quivering arm's reach."

Which, once again, is SUPER ROMANTIC and would be fantastic in any other context, but I don't understand what the point is of that persuasion check in the romance scene if the game isn't going to honor it in any fashion. I'm not sure if it's a bug or just lazy writing; I *think* it's a bug, because there's a similar persuasion check option with Karlach origin specifically to tell him you just want "a good roll in the hay" and that DOES set the ORI_State_WasPartneredWithWyll flag appropriately.

For the purposes of Rakha's story, I am not going to set the flag manually even though I could, or break up with him in-game. I have verified that there is a breakup option in the final conversation with him, and I don't think Rakha is treating their bond as broken just yet. She simply knows that it can't go on forever.

I am, however, ignoring all of this dialogue. Wyll is a good guy and a super romantic fellow, but he is not stupid. He knows what's going on just as well as Rakha does - but it doesn't change the fact that they have more battles ahead before everything is over.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Scared to Commit to Dream Project

xuliaxuxu asked: I'm an aspiring author who has been writing for a long time but never actually committed to my dream project because it scares me. I've read a lot about structure, good character development and arcs, and how it all works, but I'm still scared of not being able to write a story I'm proud of. Do you have any tips on how to get through the outlining process and first draft without feeling so much pressure on your shoulders? And are the first steps in writing a novel where you have so many ideas but don’t know how to organise them? It’s been a lonely process since I have no writer friends to talk about these specific struggles. Thank you for your lovely work here on tumblr it has been inspiring me a whole lot!

[Ask edited for length]

If it's any reassurance, the fact that you've been teaching yourself about structure and character development puts you ahead of a lot of writers when they first start out. But it's also a bit of a double-edged sword, because that knowledge raises the bar for what you expect to be able to accomplish. And unfortunately, having the knowledge doesn't mean you can instantly apply it perfectly. You still need to practice applying that knowledge before you can get really good at it. It's sort of like this: if you wanted to get really good at hand lettering, you could watch hours and hours of videos about how to do it... you could learn about the different techniques and the lingo, etc., but that doesn't mean you'll be able to do flawless hand lettering the first time you pick up a brush marker. You'll still have to actually practice those techniques for a while to get really good at it. Writing is the exact same way. And that can be frustrating because you know what you want to accomplish, and you have the knowledge to get yourself there, you just don't have the actual skills to actually get there yet.

So, here's what I recommend... keep the dream project on the back-burner for now. You can still work on the pre-planning (because even that qualifies as practice), but in the meantime work on other projects to get the practice in. There's a little bit of sacrifice here because you should find ideas you're excited about, but you have to write them knowing they're not going to be your best work. And that's fine, because writing them doesn't mean you have to share them or publish them. You can write them and keep them on the shelf as a reminder of the work you've done along the way. You can also revisit favorite projects later to revamp them with a more practiced skill set.

Working on something you're excited about and love--but which has the leeway to be not your best work--is the absolute best way to take the pressure off yourself when outlining and getting through the first draft. Once you've done this a few times and you know you're getting the hang of it, you can revisit your dream project, and just the fact that you know what you're doing will take a ton of that pressure off. Another thing that will help once you get to that point is remembering that your outline and first draft don't have to be perfect--and they won't be. Part of the writing process is having the flexibility to change things as you go, to tweak and improve, even into the later drafts. Developmental editing wouldn't exist if your outline and first draft had to be structurally perfect. :)

As far as organizing a lot of ideas, you might find it helpful to find a story planner of some kind. These exist as web sites (Novlr), apps (Fabula), programs (Scrivener), workbooks (Outlining Your Novel Workbook by K.M. Weiland), and you can even find time for download on Etsy. You can probably also find free ones to download if you can't spend any money. If nothing else, get yourself a multi-subject notebook and divide it into sections like plot, characters, world, brainstorm and get all those ideas out into their individual sections. Even that can make a big difference.

Happy writing!

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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