#i still can't do it very long but it really leaves me refreshed and ready for the day<33 just take stock of everything u know?

[pendraegon]

it's unreal how much i like meditation now that im older....

[thevoidstaredback]

Every man has his breaking point. Danny's is just a bit higher than everyone else's because he's a king and has a high tolerance for absolute bull shit. No matter how strong that bar is, though, one can only bend so far before snapping.

Unfortunately for everyone around him, Danny has reached his breaking point.

"I wish I could get drunk," he stared into his drink longingly, "Or high. But mostly drunk."

"Why do ya say that?" Billy asked, tilting his head curiously to the left.

Danny sighed, "It's a long story."

"I've got time." he shrugged.

"Are ya sure?" Danny raised an eyebrow. "You don't think any emergencies are gonna crop up? Nothing you'll need to go take care of?"

Billy backed off a little, folding into his seat. "What're you talking about? I'm just some kid on the street. I ain't going anywhere."

Danny rolled his head from side to side. "Mostly, I'm talking about the JL meeting the both of us are gonna skip out on tonight."

"What-?"

"C'mon, Captain, it won't do to talk here," he stood, picking up his coffee and waiting for Billy to do the same.

Billy's eyes narrowed as he looked Danny up and down. "I don't recognise you," he whispered, "Who are you."

Danny produced another calling card from his sleeve as he sipped his drink, holding it in front of himself but not handing it over. When Billy was looking at it, he flipped it over. The white background turned matte black, all the runes in the Ouroboros turning so white that they glowed. The DP in the very middle tinted blue, pulsing with toxic green energy, slightly cold to the touch. The edges started to frost over.

Quickly, Billy pulled the card Danny had given him before from the inner pocket of his jacket. It, too, had changed to match the one Danny held, though there was no longer a DP in the middle. Instead, it said 'Phantom' in fancy calligraphy.

"No way," the kid muttered, his expression awestruck, "Phantom? That's you? No shit?"

Danny chuckled, tucking the card away again, "No shit, kid. Don't tell anyone, though. You're the only one who knows."

"Really?" he squeaked.

"Really."

***

Having someone know his whole story was refreshing, just as he's sure Billy felt good to have someone know his, too. That didn't stop him from feeling bad about dumping it all on the poor kid.

"I still wish I could get drunk," Phantom lamented."

Constantine looked up from the book he was reading. "You can't get drunk?"

"Nope."

"How'd ya figure that one out, kid?"

"Please don't call me a kid."

That's not good. The blond marked the page before setting the book to the side. Phantom had never actually asked him to stop calling him a kid. "What's wrong?" He didn't normally do the whole 'feelings' things, but the was an exception.

Phantom sighed long and sad. He didn't look up from the carpet. "I told you they were going to ask invasive questions."

"Who was it?" It was more of a demand then a question.

"Red Robin,"

"Red- I thought you would've skipped town when we were done there? I sure as hell did."

"I know you did, but I decided to stick around for a bit. Wander, y'know? Red Robin caught up to me and would leave me alone."

Oh, oh no. Those were tears. Were they? Yeah, shit, they are! John is not equipped to handle this!

Phantom sniffled. "He asked me how I died."

Fuck.

John Constantine is not easy to anger. Sure, he gets tired, and irritated, and a whole slew of emotions, but he is very slow to anger.

Phantom, he knows, is not a child. The ghost can very much take care of himself in basically every way one could think of. He saved the world on his own, several times, when he was fourteen. He became a King and Protector when he was fourteen. He died when he was fourteen.

Right now, all he could see was the child who hadn't ever been properly laid to rest. It was hard not to call Phantom a child when he seemed so small, seeking comfort from anyone. Phantom was crying. He'd retreated to the House and locked himself in Constantine's room, only talking when he was ready to, but he'd waited to cry.

Phantom didn't like crying. Every person in the JLD knew this.

No. John Constantine is not quick to anger, but he is scary when he reaches that point. Batman might be the night and vengeance and all that shit, but John Constantine was wrathful.

He sat beside Phantom and let the ghost lean into him and cry. He didn't like dealing with feelings, but this was a child in need of comfort and he was the only one around to offer it. "Do you really want me to stop calling you 'kid'?"

A sniffle and a small head shake. "No."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"...sure."

"How old are you really? As a ghost, not as a human or a halfa. How old are you?"

"Fourteen." he mumbled, "I'll never be any older than fourteen, John," he was getting a bit hysterical now, "I'll never be any older than fourteen! I-I died and-and now I have to rule and-and people keep asking and no one believes me and-!" A sob cut him off, heavy with grief and wet with tears. He cried for hours, giving up on trying to form words. Constantine let him, ignoring the wet patches on his shirt. Eventually, Phantom's sobs died down into hiccups. "I didn't...I'm- I'm sorry."

"It's alright, mate," he meant it, really and truly.

Phantom rubbed his eyes, "I'm gonna go hide somewhere."

"Not gonna share where?"

"No, I want to be alone for a while." He paused at the door, "Whatever you're gonna do, will you leave Captain Marvel out of it?"

Odd request, but, "Alright," he nodded, "I'll talk to the others." And by 'talk', he means lecture. There are boundaries that one shouldn't cross, and not asking the dead how they died should've been obvious! With his League issued communicator, John called an emergency meeting in one hour, required attendance, barring Captain Marvel. First things first, though, he needed to talk to Deadman.

Part 7 Storyboard

Tag List:

@zaiothe4th @someonebored0100 @wolfeyedwitch @angelheartgamer @nymanders @princessbelix @luminanightfall @kgne-k @bianca-hooks123 @reigning-catsanddogs @sassywombatranchhorse @dontfightmecauseillcry @soul-lime @anarinette @serasvictoria02 @the-chaos-goblin-child @confusedshades @caicie @fantasticstoryteller @randomshtickidk @itsberrydreemurstuff @blueliac @i-love-mangoes @nymanders @highimpactemotions @anarinette @sleepingdead96 @orbr @tkiesai @atomicsheepscientist @8000fangirl @shower-phantom-ideas @blep-23 @aki-bara @chasing-liberosis @weirwulf20 @mynewhyperfixation

[flowercrowngods]

in which steve takes el to see her first meteor shower

Steve is pulling up at the Hopper-Byers house around ten at night, hoping that El remembers their little date. Hoping even more that the Chief will let them do this.

The door opens before Steve so much as closes his car, and a very excited teenager already runs toward him, laughing when she crashes into his chest, the impact of which makes Steve stumble back against the car.

"Good evening to you, too, you little menace." He ruffles her hair, excited to see how long it's gotten again, a mop of wild curls.

"Hi," she says into his chest, hands hooked behind his back, and they just stand there and cuddle for a minute. The night air is refreshing after the day's boiling heat, and it's good to bask for a moment.

After a moment, Hopper appears in the front door, framed by the low light coming from inside, but even in the dark, Steve thinks he can make out the expression on the Chief's face. How he tries for stern, but can't quite manage it. Not when they've all been through so much.

"Hey, kid," he says, approaching the siblings where they are still hugging. "You looking to kidnap my daughter?"

"Yes, actually," Steve grins. "Will you let me?"

Hop gives a long-suffering sigh and places a hand on Steve's shoulder. "If there's one thing I've learned, Steve, it's that I can't stop you from anything you set your mind to. So I don't think I've much of a choice in the matter, let alone a say."

El chuckles and leans up to press a little kiss to Hopper's cheek. "Thanks, dad."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbles, and Steve snickers. "Get out of my sight, you two, but I expect to see you both at breakfast tomorrow."

"Eleven o'clock," Steve says in lieu of a groan, because he loves Sunday breakfast at the Hopper-Byers' place.

"Eight."

"Ten-thirty."

"Nine-thirty, last offer. Take it or leave it, boy."

"Deal," Steve grins, then turns back to El. "You ready to go?"

She nods. "Ready." Then turns back to Hop and gives him another kiss to the cheek and a quick hug. "Goodnight, dad."

"Have a good night, kid." As El bounds around the car to jump in on the other side, Hop turns to Steve, who's already moving in for a hug, too. "You, too. Be careful."

"Always. It's just stars, though."

"I know. Still."

"I know."

It's good. The hug. The worry. The way they care and talk and accept. Makes Steve think that it was all worth it, sometimes. Moments like this, under the stars. He gets to have this.

The Chief lets him to eventually and then they're speeding off. Steve is taking El to the weather top in the middle of the night, snacks and drinks and blankets in the back of his car. Because El has never seen a shooting star, let alone a meteor shower. And Steve is dead set to change that.

The other kids are gonna be so jealous when they hear that Steve and El went to watch the stars fall from the sky (well, not really, but that's what it looks like, and that's what Eddie weaves into his stories sometimes), but Steve doesn't care. This is for El. This is for the little girl, injured and weak and frightened, and for the boy who taught her the meaning of magic.

This is only for them.

They don't trek up to the real weather top, since it would be too exhausting of a trip, and too dangerous in the dark. Instead, Steve parks on the open field of a smaller hill that offers them a perfect, uninterrupted view of the sky. No trees, no houses, no excess light to bother them.

"Yeah, this is perfect," he mutters as he kills the engine.

They spread out the blanket together right beside the car, grabbing snacks and drinks and more blankets in case they get cold at some point. El immediately lies down and reaches for some cookies while Steve goes back to the car, putting on one of their favourite tapes. Kim Wilde's 1982 album. One of El's first ever favourite albums.

It makes Steve smile, especially when he hears the excited squeal when the first notes carry through the air.

He eventually settles beside her on the blanket, the music just loud enough to create a nice atmosphere in the otherwise quiet night, and Steve already feels like there's something incredibly special about this moment.

And then El gasps. "Steve," she whispers, pointing up at the sky above them.

He can see the last remnants of the shooting star that lit up the the night and, most importantly, El's face. She's gripping him now, frantically scanning the sky for more, and Steve chuckles, moving his arm in her grip enough to take her hand if that's what she wants.

"What was that?" she asks.

"A shooting star," Steve explains. "They're not real stars, though. There are rocks floating around in space, and sometimes the Earth will move through, like, a chain of them, and then they burn up when they enter the Earth's atmosphere. That's what makes them look like that. Pretty, right?"

She's nodding, refusing to take her eyes away from the sky, and Steve settles back, too, getting more comfortable on the blanket. It's not long before the next shooting star appears - a larger one this time, cutting through half the night sky before it disappears.

"Wow," El whispers beside him, and Steve wants to burst at that genuine wonderment in her eyes, her voice, the way she's squeezing his hand.

"You get to make a wish when you see a shooting star."

"A wish?"

"Yeah. But don't tell me. It has to be a secret wish, and then maybe it'll come true."

At that, El nods solemnly, always so damn serious, like wishing on a shooting star deserves to be treated with the utmost care and calculation. Maybe it does. Steve won't judge. It's not like El grew up with many serious opportunities to make a wish, let alone make it freely.

"Can I wish something for you?" she interrupts that particular train of thought, and Steve stops short, looking at her.

"You wanna wish something for me?" She nods. "What would you wish for me?"

She meets his eyes with a little frown. "It's secret."

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

"It's okay."

Oh, he wants to burst again. But he only squeezes her hand. "Yeah, I think you can wish something for me."

And then she only smiles, and Steve wants to know, wants to ask, wants to be seen just a bit less, wants to exist only between the stars and the wishes that El could have for him.

He closes his eyes, focusing only on her gasps, her hums, her chuckles, her little wows, and he smiles.

Later, he tells her about the constellations he remembers. Some he made up himself. Some that Eddie made up. His heart jumps a little at the thought of the metalhead he never thought to fall in love with. Eddie who loves the stars, who knows so many seafarer's tales about them, mythology that Steve doesn't know if it's genuine or if Eddie made it up. If he's writing his own mythology. Steve wouldn't put it past him.

It's long after midnight and silence has settled between them, both of them somewhere deep inside their own heads, yet anchored in the moment, together. It's serene.

Maybe it's that serenity that gets Steve talking.

"Hey El?"

"Yes?"

"I kissed Eddie."

She gasps again, but not because of a shooting star this time, and turns to face him. "You kissed Eddie?"

"Yeah." The smile is on his lips before he can even try to fight it, and he finds that he doesn't want to. "I was really scared to do it. But it was good. I think..."

"Yeah?"

Steve exhales slowly, seeking solace in El's hand, who immediately squeezes his again, her other hand coming up to run through his hair. A calming motion that never fails to ground him. El is the only one allowed to do this, the only one who does it right. "I think I might have fallen in love with Eddie."

She nods, smile on her face, and then falls forward, head landing on his chest. They don't really have a sense of personal space around each other and Steve loves it, combing through her hair now -- a motion that is just as calming.

"That was my wish."

"Come again?"

"My wish. My shooting star wish," she says, shuffling so she can look at him without moving from her spot. "I wished that you'd smile like you did when you told me you kissed Eddie. And if he makes you smile, he can stay."

"You'll allow it, huh?" Steve chuckles, but El is dead serious when she nods.

"I'll allow it."

And his chuckle turns a bit more genuine now, his lungs filling with the perfection of this moment. He has people that are fiercely protective of him. He has a pretty boy willing to kiss him that he doesn't have to share with those people yet. He has the stars above, willing to grant wishes despite the horrors they know he's seen. And he has El.

In a way, it's really all he could wish for.

El stays the night at Steve's, though he has to carry her inside from his car and wake her like he used to. They share a bed like they used to, and in the morning she'll wear his clothes like she used to.

It's good. It's perfect. And when they arrive for breakfast at ten, Hopper doesn't even call them out on being late when he sees the happy, content smiles on their faces. He just very discreetly kicks Steve's butt, but he had that coming.

[tngrace]

Chapter 3

Hope 31..... nough said 🤭 😭 This one hurts... but man did I have fun writing this chapter and the next. I also figured out how I'm going to write the last chapter this week so hopefully in the next two weeks I'll get it written. and then it'll be on to part two. Hope yall enjoy and Happy Easter weekend.

A03 ; Tumblr Masterlists: Main, Mav Chronicles

The weekend is fun and relaxing and just what they needed. Watching Pete with Bradley is a true treat and makes Tom wish for things he knows will probably never be. They head into Monday morning refreshed and ready to go, none of them realizing what’s to come.

The second hop of the day is intense, Mav and Ice going up against each other, essentially sealing the winner of the trophy. Though neither of them really care at this point, would be happy for the other, they’re both still very competitive and determined to win. They go back and forth for the kill, their voices getting more intense and annoyed the longer it goes, more argumentative and impatient. But neither expected the jet wash or the flat spin. 

“Mayday! Mayday! Mav’s in trouble. He’s in a flat spin. He’s heading out to sea!” His voice is calm and controlled but there’s a slight tremor there as he watches. 

He and Slider see the two parachutes, but they know something’s wrong. He circles over head, refusing to leave, even when Jester orders them back. 

“Ice,” Slider says after ten minutes of circling, watching Mav and Goose in the water. 

“I’m not leaving. We don’t know how long search and rescue will take to get here. They’ll need the coordinates as Mav floats.” 

Slider doesn’t push. They both had seen how Goose had hit the canopy, how his body floated listlessly down, how Mav had pulled him into his arms and Goose still didn’t move. Ice keeps circling, and ever so often it looks like Mav looks up at them, but they can’t be sure. 

“Ice, Slider, back to base. SAR is two minutes out.” Viper’s voice is firm over their radio, and finally Ice acknowledges and turns them towards base. He doesn’t say a word on the return flight, leaving Slider worried. 

Mike's heart is in his throat when he hears the mayday call come in. He dispatches search and rescue immediately and grips his hands in tight fists as he waits. He hears Jester order Ice and Slider back to base, but he still doesn't move. He wants to be a dad in this moment but he can't. He has to be a Commander and it's killing him. 

He sees Jester’s plane land, and he takes a deep breath, and then another one. He dials Carrie; "Metcalf's," she answers. 

"I'm going to be late." He doesn't know what else to say without breaking down, but he has to tell her. 

"Mike? What's wrong?" 

"There…." He cuts off, choking back a sob. He breathes deep before he continues. "There was an accident during training. I'll be at the base hospital most of the night." 

"Is everyone ok?"

"I don't know yet. I just…. Waiting on SAR right now. I…"

"Mike?"

"It was Pete," he breathes. He hears her breath catch and he'd love nothing more than to hug her. "I…. I can't go there as…. And you can't…"

"Mike. You call me the minute you lay eyes on him! You hear me? I have to know…" He can hear the hysteria in her voice and he’d love to let her come check on Pete for herself, but he knows they can’t. 

"I will… I will… I just… I have to be detached and I just…"

"I know. Just breathe. You can do this. But you let me know our boy's ok."

He takes another ten deep breaths after hanging up. When he sees that Ice and Slider still haven’t landed, he orders them back to base as well. He’s not sure what is going on with Tom and Pete, but he knows it’s something. Once he sees their plane heading for the landing strip, he pulls himself together and heads to the hangar where he knows the class will have gathered. “You’re dismissed for the day. SAR will take them straight to the base hospital and we’ll let you know when there’s an update.” 

“Can we wait there?” Wolf asks.

“Of course. But you might be waiting a while.” He takes in all their faces and knows he’ll be seeing them all at the hospital. “Dismissed.” 

They scatter, and Mike rakes his hand through his hair. He’d kill for one of Rick’s cigarettes at that moment, but he knows the hospital won’t allow him to have it inside anyways. He makes the trek over, bracing for the worst while hoping for the best. He’s not sure what he’ll do if something happened to his own kid under his watch. 

A nurse greets him as soon as he enters; “Sir.” He gives her a nod to continue because he’s not sure if he can speak right now. “Lieutenant Mitchell is going to be fine. He has some severe bruising, mild concussion and is currently in shock, but overall he will make a full recovery.” 

Mike blows out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “And Bradshaw?” 

The nurse stops their trek down the hall and Mike tenses once more. “I’m sorry Sir. Lieutenant Bradshaw didn’t make it. His neck was broken and likely died upon impact, we assume he hit the canopy. Lieutenant Mitchell hasn’t offered up any details on what happened as of yet, so the doctor is just making assumptions.” 

“Has Bradshaw’s wife been informed?” 

“Not yet, no. We were waiting to see who you wanted to designate to do that.” 

“I’ll handle it,” Mike decides. “Can I see Mitchell?” 

“Of course. Right this way.” She shows him to Pete’s room, and Mike pauses, gathering the strength to push the door open. When he does, he feels the breath knocked out of him once more. Pete looks so small in the bed, eyes closed, but Mike knows he’s not asleep. 

The nurse leaves him with it, and Mike quietly closes the door behind him. Pete’s eyes snap open at the sound of the door closing, and when they meet Mike’s, he quickly turns his head the other way. 

He pulls up a chair beside the bed, and tentatively reaches out for Pete’s hand that has an IV in it. He can see where Pete has picked at the tape around it, and it brings a small smile to his face as he smooths it back out. Some things with his kid will never change, he thinks. “Pete?” 

Pete turns his head back towards him, tears shining in his eyes, but he keeps them from falling. 

“I’m not going to ask you if you’re ok because I know you’re not.” He pauses as he watches Pete just staring at him. “I told mom. She’d be here if she could, you know.” 

“I know,” he croaks in a whisper. 

Mike squeezes his hand tighter once more. “You’re not ok right now, but you will be…. You will be.” 

Pete turns away again and Mike sighs. “We have to be even more careful now, so this is the only time I can offer you any form of comfort kiddo. There’s going to be an inquiry; they’ll let me know the date tomorrow.” Pete still won’t meet his eyes and Mike feels like they’re back at day one when they brought home a scared nine year old that didn’t trust them. “Pete? You know I love you son. But I need you to know that right now and for the next however long it takes to get the brass off our backs, I can’t be ‘dad’. No matter how bad I want to be.” 

Pete gives him a tentative nod, and Mike can’t resist any longer. He leans over and pulls Pete into his arms, into his chest. He resists at first, but the first hint of Mike’s cologne and Pete breaks. The sobs break Mike’s heart even more, and he just holds him. He murmurs soft innate words of comfort as his son breaks in his arms. It takes several, several long minutes before Pete starts settling, his sobs turning to quiet sniffles, before he eventually just goes silent. 

Mike softly strokes his back as he keeps holding him. “I’ll try to sneak mom in after hours ok?” 

He knows Carrie isn’t going to rest with just his reassurance that Pete is ok, and he knows Pete really needs her at this moment. Pete gives a small nod before his whispered words destroy what is left of his broken heart. “Just don’t get in trouble for me.” 

Mike pulls Pete’s head off his chest and stares into Pete’s eyes. “We’d do anything for you and you know it kiddo. If it comes down to a choice between you and the Navy…” Pete tries to interrupt him, but Mike just keeps talking. “If it does, I’m choosing you every time kiddo. Every. Single. Time.” 

“Mike…” 

“I mean it Pete. You are my son, my kid, and if the Navy doesn’t like it, they can go fuck themselves. You matter Pete. I love you son.” 

“Love you too dad,” he whispers as he falls back into Mike’s chest. 

Mike lets out a deep breath at that. Pete isn’t ok, but he’ll make sure he is, no matter what he has to do. 

After several minutes of letting Pete resettle he has the horrible task of making Pete recount what happened. It’s the most detached he’s ever heard his kid, and it strengthens his resolve to sneak Carrie in to see him later. Once he’s sure he has everything Pete can recall, he squeezes his hand once more. “Try to get some rest. I can keep the others out if you want?” 

“Na. It’s fine. I’m sure they need to see with their eyes I’m fine. Especially Ice and Slider.” 

“Alright. I’ll let them know.” He leans close in case anyone can hear; “I’ll get mom in here later. That’s a promise.” 

Pete gives him a weak nod. They both know what a risk it is, but he’d do it over and over for Pete. He gives him a nod and then heads for the door, with one glance back at his son. 

Mike’s not surprised to find the six aviators waiting in the waiting room. They all jump up as soon as they see him, and Mike pulls himself together. “Mitchell is going to be fine. Some bruises that will heal in time and a mild concussion. He’ll be discharged tomorrow.” 

He sees a small relief flow through the group, and he knows what he says next will cause it to vanish. 

“Bradshaw on the other hand, is… dead. Broke his neck on the canopy as soon as he hit. I’m going to inform his wife now.” 

The six aviators before him are deathly quiet, grief written across all their faces. 

“Can we see Mav?” Wolfe finally breaks the silence. 

Mike gives them a nod. “He’s pretty detached, still in shock. He’s resting, but he said it would be fine for all of you to visit. Probably do him some good to not be alone right now. Classes are dismissed for the rest of the week. When arrangements have been made, you’ll be the first to know.” He gives them a nod of dismissal and takes his leave. 

The six aviators scurry down the hall to Mav’s room. Wolf and Wood are through the door first, just barely squeezing in before Chipper and Sunny. Ice stands at the door for a long moment just breathing, trying to prepare, and Slider waits with him squeezing his shoulder. Tom wants nothing more than to race in and scoop Pete into his arms, but he knows he can’t. Once he lays eyes on his boyfriend, who’s barely engaging with the other four, he leans in the corner just watching. He can see Pete’s eyes trail over to him ever so often, and he finally sees when Slider realizes they need to go. Tom gives him a nod of thanks, and promises to get back to their base housing later, before Ron turns and ushers everyone out. 

Once he’s sure they’re gone, he walks over and settles on the side of Pete’s bed. His hand ghosts over Pete’s forehead, brushing the hair back. “Hey,” he whispers. 

Pete can’t speak, too choked up holding back tears. 

“Come here,” Tom whispers, easing down and helping Pete sit up some and lean into his arms. He holds him as tight as he dares, knowing under the gown Pete will be covered in bruises too painful to be held too tight. “I’m so sorry,” Tom whispers over and over as Pete sobs in his arms. He finally exhausts himself even more, and Tom can feel him drift off. He eases Pete back to the bed and covers him up. He sits and watches him sleep, knowing the coming days, weeks, and months are going to be hell, and wonders if Pete will blame him, wonders if this will be the end of them. Once Pete is deep asleep, Tom takes his leave, knowing he can’t stay any longer without them being found out. 

After talking with Carole, he finally makes it home; it’s late enough he knows he’ll just be leaving as soon as he’s through the door though. Carrie is waiting on him at the door just as he suspected, and he pulls her into his arms. “He’s going to be ok. Just some bruising and a mild concussion. He was still in shock earlier. I…” He feels her squeeze him tighter and he lets out a soft sigh. “I promised to sneak you in. He needs you.” 

“Do we tell the girls?” 

“Not yet. Sneaking you in is going to be hard enough. I don’t need Catherine leaving Cynthia and banging down the hospital door or Jamie freaking out.” 

Carrie gives him a soft huff of a laugh. “Alright. Let me get my purse and we can go.” 

Once at the hospital, Mike nods to the night nurses, but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t see any of the class in the waiting room, and assuming they’re not still with Pete, they should be at home. He stops right outside Pete’s room and tries to listen for any voices, but doesn’t hear any. He pushes the door open just a hair, and sees it empty, Pete just lying in the bed staring off into space. 

He turns back and gives Carrie a nod, before pushing the door open further for her to slip past him. He closes the door behind them, but stays near it, so he can run interference if anyone comes to it. As soon as she’s by his side, she sits on the side of the bed and pulls Pete into her arms. 

“Mom,” he cries as he clings to her, and it breaks Mike’s heart even more. Carrie just hugs him tight, her hand running up and down his back and into his hair. 

When Pete has finally exhausted himself of tears, he whispers “I killed him,” effectively tearing both his parents’ hearts out. 

Mike moves across the room at that statement, joining Carrie on the side of the bed. He eases Pete back from her hold and cradles his face. “Look at me son.” 

Pete slowly meets his eyes, unable to ignore the firm demand in Mike’s voice. “You did not kill Nick. You did not kill him. You hear me?” 

“I did though. He was my RIO, my responsibility.” 

“Pete…” 

Carrie cuts him off though, knowing that Pete isn’t going to believe a word of any argument at the moment. She cradles Pete’s cheek and kisses his forehead. “You need to get some sleep sweetheart.” 

“Don’t think I can,” he sighs. He knows he’d fallen asleep on Tom, but it doesn’t feel like he slept long at all before a nightmare gripped him. When he’d woken and been alone, he laid there staring off into space, knowing sleep would be hard to come by. 

“Try. We’ll stay til you’re asleep,” she promises. 

She gets him to ease back against the bed, and softly runs her fingers through his hair. It’s the fastest way to settle Pete; they'd learned the first time the kid hadn’t gotten sick after coming to live with them. She keeps it up until his eyes drift, and even after until he’s deep asleep. 

“He’s going to be ok,” Mike reassures her as they watch him sleep for a few more minutes. They don’t linger long though, despite Carrie wanting to stay.

The next morning, the inquiry information is waiting on Mike the minute he steps on base. He goes through Mav’s file one more time to make sure nothing of their connection is hidden in there, even though he knows the file like the back of his hand. When he’s sure everything is good, he makes the trek over to the base hospital to deliver the news about the inquiry. From here on he knows everything has to be above board until the brass is done sniffing around. 

When he walks into Pete’s room, he’s surprised to see him not there. He has a moment of panic before one of the nurses points him towards the bathroom down the hall. He gives her a nod and heads in. Mav is leaning heavily on the sink, but he somehow managed to shave. Mike catalogs the bruising along his chest and shoulders from his harness that he wasn’t able to see yesterday because of the gown. He knows there’s probably some along his thighs as well, he just can’t see them. He wants so badly to pull his kid into his arms and never let go, but they also have more eyes on them now more than ever. He just has to be careful, not show emotion or favoritism, he keeps reminding himself, and they’ll get through this. He calls on all his years in the service to keep it together as he meets his kids' eyes. He doesn’t like what he sees; Pete’s eyes have always been alive and full of mischief. They always shine and sparkle so bright. But right now, they are dead, lifeless, emotionless, same as yesterday.”How you doing?” he manages to ask.

“I’m alright.” It’s rough and so much quieter than Pete normally talks it throws Mike for a minute. He spins and meets Pete’s eyes in the mirror trying to portray that he has to be a Commander at the moment. 

“Goose is dead.” Internally he winces at how straightforward and harsh he has to be, and he knows the minute Carrie finds out, she is going to be livid. But they all knew when Pete joined up, that a time like this might come, and Pete told him then, as a bright eyed eighteen year old, that he’d never hold it against him. 

“I know.” His eyes drop back to the sink, hand splashing more water onto his face, and Mike can see he’s barely holding it together. He wants to tell him to come home with him, let Carrie mother him to death, but he bites it all back. Seeing her last night is going to have to be enough for now. Pete runs another hand over his face, and takes some deep breaths. Mike recalls words one of his former COs told him after Duke died. At the time he hated it, and he knows Pete is going to hate being told the same thing, but he needs to say it. “You fly jets long enough, something like this happens.” 

“He was my RIO, my responsibility!” It’s an echo of his statement last night and Mike knows the guilt is eating him alive. He knows he’s going to have to work hard to get Pete to let it go, if that will even be possible. He knows Goose was like a brother to him; that Carole and Goose both welcomed Pete into their family. But he can’t see his kid drown in grief, not if he can help it. 

“In my squadron in Vietnam, we lost eight of eighteen aircraft. Ten men. First one dies, you die too. But there will be others. You can count on it. You gotta let him go.” His hand touches his side, draws across his back, offering as much comforting touch as he can in that moment. “You gotta let him go.”  He knows it's harsh, hates the words coming out of his own mouth, but as a Commander, it’s what you’re supposed to say. 

Pete’s eyes are hard as they stare at him despite being red rimmed, but Mike does his best to let it roll off his back. “Your inquiry hearing is scheduled for two days from now at 0800. Jester and I will be there. I don’t see any reasons why you won’t be cleared and can return to finish the program before graduation.” 

Pete doesn’t say anything and won’t meet his eyes again. He walks away even though it kills him too. He passes Tom in the parking lot and he knows he was right about something going on between the two. He gives the Lieutenant a nod, wants to pull him to the side and threaten him if he so much as dares to break Pete in any way. But he knows he can’t, so he keeps walking and just hopes Tom will be able to get through to his kid. 

Tom finds Pete back in his room, trying to dress. “Can I help?” he asks from the doorway. 

Pete gives him a nod and Tom comes over, helping him pull his shirt down. The bruising looks worse today, and his body is stiff and achy. He’s refused anymore pain pills though and just wants to leave. “I saw Viper leaving.” 

“Mmm yea. Stopped by to give me the information for the inquiry hearing.” 

“It wasn’t your fault Pete.” 

“Let’s not. I don’t… I just want to get out of here.” 

Tom bites back all his retorts that Pete needs to talk about this and just gives him a nod. “Carole and Bradley are at the base housing. I can take you there.” 

Pete gives him another nod, and follows Tom out the door. Once in the car, the silence is almost unbearable. “Pete…” Tom starts when they’re in front of the housing, but stops when Pete cuts his eyes at him.  

“Might be best if we just had some space right now. You don’t need messed up in this hearing too.” 

“I have to be there because I was in the air with you.” 

“Better to be safe than sorry.” 

Tom wants to argue, wants to push that Pete doesn’t need to do this or push everyone away, but his own guilt is eating him alive. Thus, he’d do anything Pete asks. “If that’s what you want.”

“It is.” 

Pete won’t meet his eyes so Tom knows he’s lying. “I just want him back,” Pete says softly before he gets out. He closes the door and doesn’t look back. 

Tom watches him go, his heart breaking, but knowing he will give Pete anything. He watches until Pete is inside the door before driving off. 

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Izzy thoughts at first (then LONG ramblings about the S2 Teaser)

TLDR: I think Izzy is going to run away from Ed, get Stede, and help him become a better pirate. Also: WHY IS EVERYONE SO HOT

1.) Look at him. So *happy* to be the Goth he truly is!

I love that Izzy doesn't trust Ed not to hit him here. If you look, Ed's not that close to his face, but Izzy just *can't* trust him right now.

Izzy in the same face makeup as the rest of the crew (AHHHHH HE'S SO HOT. I want him. I want to be him. ETC). What made Izzy put on the makeup? How long do you think Izzy lasted before caving in? I'm 50/50 between him immediately giving in, or stomping his feet. I love that he clearly put some time into it. That's full coverage right there.

[IS THAT A WIP ON HIS HIP? My CalicoHands heart.... Someone correct me if I'm wrong...please correct me if I'm wrong. I will be thinking about this for a month, thank you.]

We also see him dying his beard with Kohl? Might just be the lighting. Also: take note of that lovely ring around his necktie. My theory is that this is episode 1, right near the beginning of the episode.

2.) THE LAD <3 MY MAN! GOD, he looks refreshed. Rested. Slightly stressed. This is why I think he was staining his beard in the last GIF, just comparing colors.

RED ALERT: THE RING AROUND HIS THROAT IS MISSING(or he's not wearing it in this shot, or we can't see it thanks to the lighting).

Izzy just deciding to leave is so fucking powerful to me, as a show of Izzy's growth in what looks to be 1/2 episodes. I don't think Ed hurt him, I think he genuinely got sick of this shit and left... He might have just run off once he got a *hint* that Stede might be alive, and decided to risk it. (Or fell off the ship during that storm...could you imagine the angst). FIRST MATE IZZY HANDS TO CAPTAIN STEDE BONNET/EDWARDS? Yes, please!

[My Stizzy/Steddyhands author heart is ready to read those fics. Because there is no way in hell these idiots will work out a throuple. As I'm 90% sure Ed just doesn't see Izzy.]

My theory for the scene specifically: Stede's crew takes over a ship, and Izzy is there to help. We see Izzy walk into the room, probably to update his Captain about the raid, and a guy goes in for the stab. The "I did a punch" Is because Izzy is training him. AHHH :3 CHEWING THE BARS OF MY CAGE

3.) I saw a theory that the reason Izzy covers his hand with a glove is because he's been branded as a deserter from the Navy(usually a 'D' tattoo on the hand). Most of Ed's crews wouldn't respect him if they knew that Izzy had turned coat. This also explains why in Ep 9 he hated the idea of Ed turning himself in. In all the scenes in the teaser, we still see him in a glove, even after he ditches the symbolic ring.

ALSO HI SHIRTLESS IZZY, SORRY TO IGNORE YOU! Why is he shirtless? It's the Caribbean, I get that it's hot, but nothing? Does the man not own any other not-black tops? Not that I'm complaining, of course! I am very happy with this artistic decision.

I still think he's going to lose his foot/infection is going to spread thanks to his toe(losing a metaphorical and physical balance thanks to Ed). They're suspiciously covering his foot with a barrel or it's out of frame in most shots. So this training might be 1/2 Izzy helping Stede, and 1/2 Izzy regaining his balance. I also think this is on Stede's new ship, as that doesn't really look like any room we've seen on the Revenge.

STEDE IZZY FRIENDSHIP ARC. :D

(Now, the thing is. Does Izzy find out about Lucius hiding before he leaves? My guess is no, Izzy doesn't know, and is going to take that info right to Stede to reveal in a sensitive moment.)

(YES. I am in love with the Izzy-candle-imagery! My man is a dwindling candle, long may he burn. He doesn't need to use his fingers and cause himself harm when lying/having feelings about something, he can just use his sword)

=============================================

NOT IZZY STUFF THAT I LOVED

GET EM ROACH!!!! I just love this shot so much...no clue why. The flowers, the shock on Roach's face, the tiny ass canon.

I love him in this trailer, THIS IS HIS GLOW UP, and am happy Jenkins looked at straight people no-homoing S1 and went 'STEDE LOVES ED! HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH' all teaser.

"I don't care what anyone says, he's actually a good guy!" OH STEDE. This is exactly what I expected from you, and I am so excited to see this play out. I hope Izzy is there to help him manage his money, if not, pray for him.

Stede getting a Pirate Outfit that TWIRLS is so him... I'm so happy for him! This is what I always thought Stede would enjoy about 'dressing up' in a pirate world. He can have elegance, color, and function! THIS is his glow-up, the longer hair, the ATTITUTE<3(Prince better be in this season's soundtrack, please).

WE'RE GETTING A STORM BABY!!!!! My favorite trope in OFMD fic I haven't yet written ;). They're so fucking scary, the reason most pirates didn't last a year is due to storms vs. most other threats. I'm excited this season will explore a bit more of the realities of living on a ship! I write OFMD horror because 1700'S SHIPS ARE HORRIFIC.

ALSO HI JIM!!!!! My two favorite characters, all get a decent screen chunk of teaser time. THEY ARE SO FUCKING HOT IN THIS TRAILER. GENDER. FUCKING. ENVY. (RIP Lucius fans...He'll be at the end of S2 Episode 1...probably).

MY HANDSOME WIFE! I fucking love Ed in this trailer so fucking much. If you follow my page, as much as I am an Izzy lover, Stede and Ed are close behind. I love that Ed is clearly heartbroken, and dissatisfied even with the violence he's supposed to love. He's got that Blackbeard mask on tight, and it's not coming off. Also: He looks hot while doing it.

His work wife leaving is probably going to fuck him up more.

I don't think Ed has a TON of screen time, mainly just due to Taika's schedule at the time. But I'm excited to see him sad.

ALSO: Did Ed color the doll so he's wearing a lace bralette? Cause that tummy (at least in this GIF) looks skin-toned. AHHHHH! He would rock that. I just know he'd rock that.

SIDE NOTES:

-HI SPANISH JACKIE/SWEDE- The ship I didn't know I needed till now.

-OLU! I hope you have such a good season, babe. You deserve it. Jim is obviously loving this.

-Frenchie having cat claws makes me so happy.

-WEE JOHN IN DRAG!!!! YEESSSSSSSSS!

I'M HYPED!!!!!!!!!!

[amiharana]

literally all of them AJBDJWBD ok but 15 has so many soft domestic vibes 🥹🫶 and 17 literally link seeing revali cry for the first time omgg revali finally learning how to be emotionally vulnerable w link

(ask game from here)

since i wrote more of a headcanon list of what both revalink's bedtime routines look like on this post for @noraiir-arts, i'll do a drabble kinda thing that's like a moment in their routines for 15 lol

🛌 15. Going through their bedtime routine.

"i just don't see why it's necessary," link says, watching revali cut open a second sheet mask. he already has one on his own face, carefully spread and applied across his gorgeous tan skin. link thinks it makes revali look like he's shedding a layer. "your skin's already nice."

"how do you think i keep it nice?" revali says, carefully removing the sheet mask out of its packaging. "my skin's very sensitive, you know, it requires quite a lot of maintenance to keep it this refreshed and clear. you're lucky that you only need to shower and splash your face with water to keep it that way. who knows how you survived using 3-in-1 body wash your entire life."

"hey, i didn't know that it was bad for you," link grumbles and crosses his arms. "i thought it was more efficient to have it all in one than have to buy it all separately..."

revali rolls his eyes. "mhm. now lay down, so i can put the face mask on you."

link complies easily, the tension leaving his body and his eyes falling shut as soon as he feels revali's fingers, gentle and warm across his jaw. then suddenly, he feels a layer of ice spreading across his face and he squeaks, flinching.

"stay still," revali says, tapping link's thigh.

"it's cold!" link whines back, squirming. "you didn't tell me the face masks were cold!"

"they're cold because i keep them in the fridge and your body is a piece of the sun that fell onto earth," revali replies. "of course it's going to feel cold."

link continues to shiver until he finally gets used to the feeling of the mask on his face. revali continues adjusting its application, smoothing or stretching it out in some places until he's satisfied with the way it sits. "there we go," revali says softly. "good?"

"mhm," link says. he can barely move his face with the mask on. "how are you able to talk with this shit on?"

"you get used to it," revali replies. he lies down beside link on the bed and intertwines their fingers together. "now, we wait for thirty minutes and let the serum sink in."

"does it really take that long?" link says, nose wrinkling. the mask shifts due to the movement and he reaches up to smooth it back down.

"i've fallen asleep with them on before. but it's better to let it stay on longer than shorter so the skin can absorb it."

link hums and they both fall silent. with their fingers still intertwined, revali rubs his thumb against the base of link's. their room is quiet, except for the sound of music playing softly from link's phone. he complains plenty about how revali takes way too long to get ready for bed, but moments like this where he can participate in it with revali are link's favorite.

"thank you," revali says suddenly.

"hm? for what?" link says. he struggles to enunciate it; talking with a sheet mask on is difficult.

"for doing this with me. you didn't have to." revali's voice is quiet, almost shy.

link wants to smile under the sheet mask, but he doesn't want it to get messed up again so he resists. "it's something you like to do, so i wanna do it with you too."

he feels revali squeeze his hand, a silent "i love you". "just don't fall asleep," revali says out loud instead.

this time, link can't resist smiling. "no promises."

💧 17. Link has never seen Revali cry, so when he does, Link struggles with how to react.

when link comes home, the house is quiet. which is usually how it is, even if revali is home before him, but at least his boyfriend is being quiet somewhere where link can see him as soon as he comes in. at least revali will call back when link announces he's home, but he hasn't and it's making him nervous.

"'vali," link calls, slipping his shoes off and pushing them onto the shoe rack they keep by the door. "where are you~!" still no response. it puts link on edge immediately. "'vali?"

revali isn't in the living room or the kitchen, so link moves further into the house. he's not in the office or in the backyard, but his car was parked in the driveway so he has to be home. the last place revali would be is the bedroom, so there link goes.

but he's not prepared for the sight before him when he does.

revali is seated on the edge of the bed with a leg tucked underneath him, a look of despair and tears marring his face. he turns his head to look up at link when he hears him enter the room, but says nothing, staring and tears continuing to streak down his face.

link feels like his lungs have been severed from his esophagus, the air he's so desperately trying to breathe in blowing his chest up like a balloon instead. he's never seen revali like this; revali, whose natural facial expression is a scowl and narrowed eyes. or revali, who reserves his softest, most loving looks upon link. this expression on revali's face now... it feels like the world has fallen out of balance.

he knows he should go to revali, hold him tight and close, and comfort him like revali would do for him, but link can't move. he's rooted to one spot, eyes wide but unable to tear his gaze away from revali.

link's throat is dry, but he gulps and still attempts to speak. "you okay?"

for a moment, revali continues to stare. then he sniffs and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "yeah, i'm fine," he mumbles, looking away.

moving feels impossible, like he's trying to swim through quicksand, but slowly, link moves forward towards revali until he's seated in front of him on the bed. "...you wanna talk about it?"

revali stares blankly into space, unresponsive. a streak of fear wraps itself around link's chest as he searches revali's face, for any change in expression because this is terrifying.

"'vali?" link tries again in a whisper.

and this time, revali looks at him directly. but his face is scrunching up, his eyes welling with tears as he sniffs deeply again. "sorry," he murmurs, "i— just, it's—" fresh tears roll down his cheeks again and a sound that link has never heard before escapes from revali's throat, one that should have never made a home within revali in the first place.

"oh, 'vali," link whispers and he lets his instincts take over. he crawls forward into revali's lap, wrapping his arms around revali's neck and legs around his waist, holding him tightly. that's when the dam finally breaks and revali lets out the most gut-wrenching sound that link has ever heard him make, beginning to shake and cry openly into his shoulder. he holds revali tighter, letting him cry as much as he wants; it's the least that link could do. "it's okay, i'm here, reva."

eventually, revali's crying comes to a stop, but he's still holding link tightly with his arms around his waist, breathing softly against link's neck. link just strokes his hair, pressing kisses to the side of revali's face where he can reach. it's still a couple minutes before revali can find the words to speak again.

"it's the anniversary of my parents' funeral," he murmurs against link's neck. and it makes link stop in his tracks. oh. "i realize that i never actually talked to you about them. i'm sorry."

"that's okay," link murmurs back, continuing to stroke revali's hair. "you don't have to if you don't want to."

revali pauses for a moment. "i want to," he says softly. "i want you to know about them."

his tone somehow makes link's heart flutters. "okay," he replies in similar volume. "i'd like to, as long as you're comfortable talking about it."

"if it's with you, then i am," revali says. he takes a breath before talking again. "both of my parents died when i was six years old. i... don't want to talk about how they did, but i remember being at the funeral. at the time, i didn't really know what was going on but even as a child i understood grief and sadness." revali's voice grows quieter. "they were all i had, but i can barely even remember them. it's pathetic, i know."

"no it's not," link says softly. "you were still really young and it's a traumatic experience. you can't fault yourself for not being able to remember."

"but they were my parents," revali whispers. "they're the people that gave birth to me and were supposed to take care of me, and all i have to remember them by are legal documents and pictures. i can't even do them justice in memories."

link doesn't know what to say at first. it's an incredibly difficult subject to broach, after all. "even if you can't fully remember them," he decides to start, "i think they would love to know that you're trying. they've probably been watching from above and are so proud of you, because you have so much to be proud of, you know? you're so talented and clever and very handsome, might i add—" revali snorts — "they probably would have been proud to see you grew up well even without them. they would still love you."

"you really think that?" revali murmurs.

"the great revali? uncertain about his greatness?" link says teasingly. he pulls back a little to look at revali's face, whose eyes are still red from crying but hold a fond look. "they would, 'vali. anyone would be proud to have you as a son."

after a beat, revali pulls him back into a hug, squeezing him tight. "thank you," revali whispers. "i appreciate it."

"of course," link replies and turns his head to press another kiss to revali's jaw. "i'm here for you always." they're both quiet for a couple more minutes, content with just holding each other close until revali speaks once more.

"i'm sorry, by the way," revali says into the skin of link's neck. "i probably worried you since i wasn't there to greet you."

"that's okay," link says, his eyes closed. "i get it now after you told me. so don't feel bad anymore, i'm here with you now and i always will be, no matter what. i love you, 'vali, more than anything."

"i love you, too, songbird," revali whispers back. "thank you."

link hums. "i'm gonna get some water for you and then how about cuddles?"

"that sounds... nice." revali's face shifts its position under link's chin. "do you have to leave to get the water, though?"

he giggles. "do you wanna come with me to the kitchen, then?"

"i think we should skip the water and go straight to cuddling."

"nuh uh, you have to rehydrate after crying so much. you do the same to me when i cry."

"...whatever."

link giggles again and then sits back, pulling on revali's arm. "come on, let's go. the sooner we get water, the sooner we can cuddle." revali rolls his eyes but stands up with link and complies. even after all that, revali is still too weak for link and for his cuddles.

[silviakundera]

Ok I'm trying Legend of Fuyao again. This time perhaps I will triumph! I left off like 2 years ago on ep 26 or so.

Refreshing my memory by skating thru ep 16

oh look, it's sidekick bro I never cared about. Pretty sure his role in the narrative is to be a drag on FL. And fighter guy! He's much more useful.

This period is where I previously began losing my patience with the show. A lot of story time and 16 episodes had passed and I wanted to see FL taking center stage, being a powerful threat. I wanted her to be saving her love interest approx as much as he was saving her. The opening in ep 16 is right back to a situation where I want to see FL beating ass and not Wuji to show up to save the day. Scram, future boyfriend! Ladies are FIGHTING. 🙅

(past me may not have known exactly what I wanted but the answer was A Journey to Love)

It was the whiplash - Oh cool, she's fighting alongside him! ...and then he's knocking her out to be his pawn again :/

But rewatching now, I think I was in the wrong mood. I am older & wiser! I can be patient. I have been promised a battle couple and Fuyao being awesome. I can wait. 😇

Watching the prime minister character be manipulated is entertaining. Fuyao is handling situation pretty well, actually. "The Earth Abdorbing Bell is back to its rightful owner. I've also found Xiaoqi. Why do I need to stay here?" THANK YOU for asking this very pertinent question, protagonist! Her rationale to stay.... doesn't make much sense, unfortunately. Because the narrative (er, the servants) requires it!

"Rest assured? I have been in this office for thirty seven years and I've never had a restful day." idk Mr Prime Minister, maybe u need a new job.

Ok, sneak out and leaving a fake corpse. Not a terrible plan. I especially like the part where u set the mansion on fire.

Prime Minister's foster son is so good looking he's making everyone else in this drama look bad. I like his sullen murder son vibes. Very Hao Du of Long Ballad. MDL says he's basically done nothing since. He was the ML in a 2020 drama that never aired. 💀

I really don't get Wuji. Why is he even involving Fuyao in things. I don't believe he has any romantic feelings at this point. If u can control this nation but can't control her, then... why? I suppose we have to go with ✨fate✨.

Dragon scale armor! Makes me think of the dark tale behind such garb in c-novel Heart Protection.

Why was the doctor randomly lurking around the PM mansion in this dark with a face mask? eh, a man's gotta have hobbies.

Ep 17

So Doctor had a secret mission, ran into Fuyao burning shit down out of happenstance. and now he's dragging her along. I vaguely recall this.

So. Many. Robes. Curtains. Twirling. the twirling I caaaaaaaan't AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Hope I wasn't expected to find any of that sexy. It was extra and hilarious as hell, though. I 100% understand why FL is so done with this dude and ready to go home.

Actually, one moment had real dramatic tension and sexual tension for me. The scene where the prime minister shows up with his soliders and ML is sitting on the bed, acting unbothered, and she's hiding under the blanket. Then slides her hand out and sighs to complete the act. 👌 👌

Then things get INTERESTING as they embark on misc mission things in secret tunnels.

She's like holy shit exploitative royals are trash.

And he's all.... well if I'm Like That would you still be hanging here with me. She sidesteps the question (as she should, since he has all the power). But then, could YOU give me what I want? And he seems intrigued, I presume because then he has something over her.. It feels like a TEMPTATION MOMENT.

Fuyao: nah j/k I'll get whatever I need myself

@dangermousie mentioned to me that Fuyao is very complete in herself. That's really intriguing to me, considering how so many of the characters seem tormented & controlled/restrained by a need to live up to a legacy or another person's expectations.

that CGI magic hamster tho

Totally forgot the reveal of them being ~fated enemies is this early. So she is supposed to break the seals and go to five kingdoms to do it. But he has a mission to STOP the girl w the 5 colored stone. Now he has a character & plot reason to keep tabs on her! ✔ (actually he has those reasons to simply KILL her lmao but protagonist halo, sorry my friend)

Love that she's not a sucker and won't agree to a bet where she has to be an obedient servant if she loses. Just take reasonable requests. But I wish she didn't just take him at his word that he's the one who can help her break her seal. He's a lying liar who lies!

I like that he's a bit uncertain/dubious about the legend that this girl will Bring About The End. Because that certainly sounds wild. Especially since he met her and she seems pretty normal.

[thezolblade]

Something I've been thinking about is how Jon has said he couldn't possibly have assaulted Martin because Martin’s stronger than him, which begs the question... if Martin was hypothetically weaker than him, or at least in a position where Jon could somehow easily overpower him, would Jon have gone for it?

Hm, that's quite a complicated question. I think the short answer is that if Jon had more physical advantages in terms of being able to grab and shove Martin, he'd do that so long as he was in a frustrated mood where he didn't want to stop pestering and intimidating him until he'd gotten him to give in. So that could potentially go worse for Martin, in scenarios where he'd have otherwise decide to shove Jon away and leave. Still, in the story so far, Martin cooperated quickly anyway.

This Jon wouldn't want to think of himself as someone who does awful things unprovoked (early on, at least), so if he lashes out, he'll excuse it with sentiments like "I can't be expected to never get frustrated when people are being difficult", if he feels like they're making fun of him or refusing to listen to something important. And if he gets permission to do something intimate, he'll push his luck and go even further, with the reasoning that "if he's letting me do this too, it must be okay, and I can push him to agree that it's okay", even if he knows he's going too far really.

He wants an element of submission from his partner, so he wouldn't go for 100% violence to override a firm 'no' - and that's for selfish reasons, as well as some degree of morality. He enjoys feeling like someone who's impressive in their own right is choosing to defer to him, the same way he'd see it as more impressive to have a pet wolf than a pet mouse. Part of what's gotten him conflicted and confused is that he doesn't know why he's starting to think of Martin as someone special, since he's still torn between seeing him as weirdly incapable, versus being impressed by his endurance and determination, following the Prentiss statement. (He's magically felt Martin's hatred for Prentiss, and he doesn't want to accidentally push him into determinedly hating him the same way.)

If this Jon saw someone as just a weak pushover, he might feel protective in a pitying way, but he wouldn't find them as appealing. Of course, Martin's physical strength didn't have much impact on how the Prentiss encounter went down, so a weaker Martin might still have a similar personality.

I headcanon that when he was a teen, Martin took a few months of self defense classes, to feel more confident that he could handle himself in a crisis. He canonically carried a knife during the worm siege, and I figure he looked up some training videos to refresh on knife fighting while he was on his own in the Archives. It didn't make it into the fic, but he left his knife with his day clothes when he got ready for bed. (There wasn't a natural point for his narration to mention that, since he was never thinking about using it.)

I imagine this version of Martin as just a few inches taller than Jon, but much broader, and Jon as a beanpole with significantly below-average strength. (He couldn't lift a metal pipe very easily, his colleagues find it hard to imagine him beating anyone up, and he tries too hard to be respectable in a professional sense because he's never been able to command other kinds of respect.) If Jon gets deeply angry, he can get fighty anyway, and he provoked his way into a few physical fights at uni (which he either lost, or won by getting a bit feral and bitey, mostly while drunk), but he's hidden that side of himself at work, until now.

So for Martin to look weaker than Jon, he'd have to be far skinnier. And if he was that much smaller, Martin would've stuck with the martial arts for a bit longer to be extra sure he could handle himself in an emergency, and since he'd be better trained, he'd be very capable of beating Jon in a fair fight. (Though Jon wouldn't necessarily know that.)

And if Jon was significantly stronger and more visibly intimidating, he'd have started to get his head around what it's like to have the power to defend himself and push other people around much earlier. (On one level, the canon feels like a process of 'new manager handles the promotion badly, ends up feeling guilty for the way he had an impact on subordinates, then gains enough evil magic powers to stand his ground against a world full of threats for the first time, realises he's hurt people, and has to decide whether he can live with that' - as if having strength & advantages was new to him. And while this version of Jon is meaner, is still partly comes from a feeling of being a frustrated underdog. If he was already used to being able to throw his weight around, he'd be somewhat different. More practiced and considered in how he goes about trying to get his own way.)

(When dark-routes!Jon gets more practiced at having power, he'll refuse to let Martin leave the relationship, and he'll push him to agree to ground rules that give him an excuse to enforce them, like not letting Martin go out alone for the sake of his safety, but maybe letting him go out with Institute security as bodyguards. Jon sometimes wants to make Martin cry, but he still wouldn't want to make him hate him forever, so he'll rely on his ability to compel honest answers to try to walk that tightrope.)

[penname-artist]

Making this post late cuz I forgot to (also I spent the whole evening after I'd known about it reblogging pictures of nature for the rest of y'all to drown in (you're welcome I'm not sorry)) but essentially, after having this thing up for, what, a year and some odd amount of change, AO3 (or whoever filed a complaint at me) decided my fanfic overview was not fit for AO3. Unfortunately this is also not the first time I've gotten a piece taken down from the site, so rather than a warning, this one did actually result in a temporary suspension from posting any new works or editing any pre-existing ones. I hate to disappoint but this does mean all my works are currently in stasis until they're able to be updated again. I'm hopeful to use this downtime to build up a small library of works that I can post once I am allowed to again. Wishful thinking given the level of not-okay-ness I've had this week, but I'm still optimistic.

And honestly, while I am still pissy at the situation and the fact that they've only chosen now (a year plus later) to address it, I do still fully understand Ao3's reasoning behind taking this piece down, as it was not in itself a fanfic. It was a collection of information around other fanfics. Which counts as listing and isn't an adequate form of fanworks for the site. I hadn't known this fact prior, however, because the section of text that tells you what you can and can't post to AO3 is so hard to find it took me twenty minutes just to figure out where it even was. For safety's sake I may take down my old Tidbits collection too and leave it as a Tumblr-exclusive (it works better on Tumblr in any case). But that won't be until the lift, since again, I...can't edit my shit, so. Stasis it be for the time being.

And on the part of the fact it took that long to even address it, I really don't know where to be mad in the first place; I don't know if this was simply on the part of the staff not having noticed it up until now, or on the part of an AO3 user putting in a complaint and they're just now getting to it. Whatever the reasoning, it sucks that this is only being put on me now. Honestly as a personal opinion I think it would be nice to have a drop-down in the post section of AO3 with a refresher on what does and doesn't count as fanworks. But that's just me. And at least the suspension time isn't crazy, it'll be gone by mid-June, and it's not like I can't still use AO3 in general, I can do all but post or update my own works. In the grand scheme of things this really was just a slap on the wrist, so it won't affect much else.

So yeah that's what's up at the moment y'all, not much else to report other than depressive episodes suck, and I have crocheted a mini Pen that you'll see when her hair's sewn in and I finish crocheting her some pants. But you'll eventually see it! I'm very proud of it.

Yeah anyways I'm gonna go get ready for work now LOL

[diary-of-a-recovering-party-girl]

listening to ALLEINE by B3000 over and over again until I feel a bit okay [12.10.23]

I woke up tired but happy to be back in my city. My room still smells like something I can't put my finger on, not unpleasant.

Going to university again was a great refreshment. Being in my office there already makes me productive and in control. I sit down on my desk and I am ready to start achieving things. That the computer is working again since my colleagues fixed (aka put the cables in the right ports) it, is a big blessing. Working on a big, fast computer, I feel even more productive.

In the lunch break, I ate with A and I really enjoyed my first meal at the cafeteria again. We talked about science and the month at the office while I was away and like with everyone at my office, I felt like I have at least 10 IQ points less than them, but A is very kind and it's still enjoyable to talk to him. I can't stop thinking about the fact that he eats dry French fries every day at the cafeteria, though.

On the way home, I sent all 3 film rolls into development. Then, I found my bike where I locked it over 3 months ago and carried it to the repair shop. Bike repair guys are people from another planet, I swear. The guy told me that repairing my bike would basically cost more than double it's value and in that moment, I decided to finally lay it to rest after 6 years. I thanked my bike for all it's efforts these years and then just put it on a bike stand without locking it. The city will do the rest.

At home, I finally gave in to my hyper horny urges and took some pictures for reddit/gonewild. Listening to Slut Pop by Kim Petras and drinking coconut water while taking half- naked pictures on my room floor gave me another kind of confidence.

I met with B to have a big debrief of my trip to Portugal. I can understand a lot of her dislike for Brazil a lot better, yet, I'm even more excited to go there now. The place we went to was kind of fancy for this city, I think it was a French restaurant. The waiter was so nice I wondered if he was flirting with me but he was just doing his job, lol. B was apparently sick for the last 3 weeks and then also got stomach issues again from the desert there and have to leave.

I'm still so tired, physically. I feel also like I'm still processing Portugal now.

After B, I went to C's place. I thought I was late but actually, everyone was still there; Y and even G! I ran towards everyone screaming and hugging them so much and I the hallway I said to myself "You're home" Being with everyone was like always; everyone is kind of constantly talking, sometimes over each other, everyone wanted to know about Portugal, I tried to get drunk on the wine there but failed. I felt like I wanted to talk to everyone individually in peace but it was too full, too loud, too chaotic for that.

Also, S had canceled me for the weekend. Last minute again, of course. It was the third time she canceled a long planned thing one day before now and I didn't see her in 10 months by now. I decided to not put any effort in our friendship now, I don't wanna bother with someone who keeps canceling like this. Of course, it ruined my mood for a bit. Then I tried to ask one of the others to join me for the birthday party tomorrow so I can take a friend there like I said. Y said she wanted to come but she is also not completely cancel - free and I will feel nervous about it until I see her there. I hate that I am so not chill about meeting friends. I wish I could actually be spontaneous, actually not care when people cancel, actually be okay with people coming or not coming. Instead, I await the meeting half eagerly half anxiously. I might meet G on the weekend as well, if M agrees to go to another place Saturday. I should be happy I have so many amazing friends to do things with but not having security about people coming makes me nervous and I'm still tired from the holiday with my parents or Portugal or both or because it's winter or because I'm tired in general.

I wish there were more comments on my gone wild post.

[falsebooles123]

Finding the First Gay Kiss - Diary of a Big Ole Gay: 12/9/22

Hey whores sorry its been a minute I've been feeling enniu and spending money to fill my holes.

(this popped up when I typed in "any hole is a goal" so take from that what you will.)

I have also been watching gay shit so lets see where we left off.

(*checks notes*)

fuck its vingarne???? thats like so fucking long ago. ok well buckle in whores I'm gonna write as much as I can in the next half hour and then I have to get ready for a twitch stream where I you guessed it, watch more gay films, (twitch is just my username btw).

Coney Island (1917) dir by Roscoe Fatty Arbunkle

So this is one of the more transphobic films so far and honestly not the vibe. If you are like me and you keep looking up pictures of Fatty Arbunkle in drag for "research" then you will have seen him in a bathing outfit. In fact I saw a clip of this in disclosure and nobody chose to credit fatty arbunkle in this so I could watch.

The actually plot is beyond annoying we have the classic henpecked husband trope, (tbh I find the trope intresting just because its such a different marital dynamic then I'm used to seeing in film), who goes to coney island. Buster Keatons girlfriend just fucking leaves him cause he can't pay for tickets so he sneaks into the fair to do shaninagans. who the fuck cares its buster Keaton I would watch that man do anything.

at some point Fatty wants to go swimming but the clerk is fatphobic to him so the obvious answer to this problem is of course crossdressing. I still absolutely love how this is the solution for everything in these films its refreshing after growing up in the 2000s

also buster keaton does a backflip.

(FUCK MY BUSSY KING)

oh also some whore named st. john is in this, bitch we don't know her.

The actually cross dressing elements become quickly problamatic. Its like if fatty arbunkle did so wack cocaine and one of his orgys and dream walked into the mind of a 21st century terf before he wrote the script. its a lot of sexual predators, (fatty), invading women's spaces and men being "tricked" by fattys drag persona. and don't get me wrong its not like there isn't other gender shaninagans in these role reversal films but this one is just recognizable transphobic. Like it plays off tropes and narratives I recognize from modern discourse just in the same way that behind the screen was a recognizable "fairy" trope.

I Don't Want To Be a Man (1918) dir Ernst Lubistch

so this film sucks in the sense that I hate the characters and its super sexist but you do have this character in boy mode absolutely making out with a guy heres a quote from my LB review.

Its at this point we get to the stage of HOW GAY WAS IT! because essentialy what happens is that Occi gets drunk AF and starts making out with a dude.

Now I feel that even though objectively this was some straight shit since she identifies as a women its still siturationally queer, I've been watching a lot of these "Role-Reversal" comedies back to back and there really isn't a concept of passing in these films even in siturations in which a character is very clearly cross dressing, (Mabel's Blunder and the Porter from The ABC of Love) come to mind the characters are unable to distinguish them from there presentation. I also don't think that this suspension of disbelief is set specifically to this era either. Even modern films like ugh... Shes The Man present these cross-dressing as serving masc with the suspicion presented being about performance not presentation. 

Side Note: A lot of these types of films absolutely reek with transphobic and homophobic "comedy"

So in the scope of the narrative and genre, I have to assume that Occi presents fully as male in these scenes and that the other characters are interacting with her in boymode. Which to me means that when the guy kisses her, thats gay. Its gay because he was had the absolute attention of kissing a man at the time dispite him not having all the available information. 

Also he was like totally surprised when he found out she was a women so like honestly we stan this bisexual disaster right here. 

like sure I don't love this film but like her DADDY being bisexual is kinda hawt.

Side note: I'm using the term daddy to refur to this love interest character who is present as moralizing and domineering. Its usually paired with a "wild child" who needs to be taught to settle down and you know be a "respectable women" think Angel and the Bad Man, theres this fucked up conflation of a male love interest as being both sexual desirable and paternal its very fruedian.

(I couldn't find that scene where Clint Eastwood beats his wife and its presented as totally chill so heres the only picture under "spanking" that isn't literal porn)

Yankee Doodle in Berlin (1919) dir F. Richard Jones

So yeah this is just a comedy where a guy dresses in drag. Bothwell Browne was a female impersanator from europe and while I don't believe he had very many film gigs he was of a similar celebrity as Julien Eltinge. Eltinge himself starred in a similar propaganda flick whose name escapes me.

These films were playing off of the public interest of vauldeville and female impersanation so its a lot more family friendly drag show then any thing queer and subversive.

Interesting history note but not great otherwise.

Ander die Als Anderan {Different from the others} (1919) dir. Richard Oswald

ok so I have exactly one minute to finish this blog so I'm just gonna paste the whole ass history of this film from my working script on the subject.

Ok so I was really excited to get to this film but first I need to talk about post world war 1 Germany, yaasssss bitch, its the part of every video that I just accidentally bring up the rise of Fascism, woopsie. But First Homophobia. 

This film is heavily concerned with the appeal of section 175 which those who know there gay history immediately recognize. Section or paragraph 175 was a german law that and I’m simplifying here, criminalizes Homosexual Activity. It was based off of medieval anti-sodomy laws and during different parts of Germanys history it has existed in more lenient and draconic measures. 

This measure was protested by a variety of people notable the Scientific Humanitarian Committee which was founded in 1897 and the World League for Sexual Reform in 1921 both founded by one Magnus Hirshfield. Hirshfield was a sexologist and while he wasn’t the only person or first person involved in this fight he was very influential. Now once again simplifying but a pet theory that was going around europe at the time was this idea of degeneration. Bitch do I need to explain eugenics to you. Basically Mendel was like hey vetch genetics exist and then fifty years later people were like actually the queers are a social contagion. They were considered degenerate, you know weak stock, like a runt dog or a horse with club foot, the merciful thing would be to take it out behind the woodshed. 

So Hirshfield with his queens and eggheads were like um actually Reich und Lander being homosexual isn’t literally a suicide gene meant to destory civilization its actually just a natural variation of humanity. Hirschfield referred to it as being a sexual intermediary or Third Sex, this notion of being between the dicometric poles in nature, Your’ve may have heard the phrase Sexual Invert as well all from the same well you get it. 

In 1919 Hirshfield founded the Institite fur sexualwissenkraft, which was a non-profit dedicated to researching queer identity and also provided education and medical resources, for instance being involved with the transition of Danish Painter Lili Elbe. During the same year an austrian director by the name of Richard Osward teamed up with hirshfield to make a Aufklärungsfilm, or sexual enlightment film. Basically an education film about a taboo subject like drugs or the gays. 

The film was supposedly very successful but in 1920, the republic established a censorship board and Different from the Others was reduced to only being able to be shown to clergy and doctors for educational purposes. There was however a shortened version included in another documentary called Laws of Love in 1927 that just so happened to make its way to Ukraine. Keep a pin in that. 

Unfortunately as we all know in 1933 The Nazis official took power and in may of the same year The German Student Union called “Action against the Un-German Spirit” which called for the destruction of any work that went against nazis ideals, Hirshfield being a Jewish Kinkster was obvioiusly on the list, The German Student Union broke into the Institute fur Sexualwissenkraft and tore down the thousands of books, films and other documents and burned them including of course the full version of Anders als die Anderen. Like that in one day in may, one of the largest resources of queer knowledge was destroyed. 

As Tragic as it is luckily the frost didn’t get to all the potatoes. Remember that copy of Laws of Love well luckily historians managed to get ahold of it so the world at least has a glimpse of hirshfields original intention. 

Well now that I spent a good what 15 minutes telling you about the cultural baggage this film has I guess I should probably talk about whether or not the gay kiss happens. 

Well yes and know most of the film is concerned about how kinda fucked up how Section 175 is and while the movies straight up is like Hello I’m a homosexual can I have some rights please. Its actually pretty light on the pda. Its definitely queer Hirshfield wanted to “Usualize” Queer experience so we have people cruising in a ballroom and so forth but the closest we get to a gay kiss is through implication, where we have to young school boys lean in and then a fade to black. Like we definitely know what was going on but we don’t get to see it. 

anyway whores stay tuned for more update articles because this is the one way we are keeping the now 120 films straight in my mind. Also if I watch any queer short films that arn't on the list then I'll add them to it I decided.

[hollyhomburg]

I don't know if I'm the only one to admire your moodboards but I have sent several over the course of bily 😂 You just have such a good eye for the aesthetic and it's very pleasing. I actually usually prefer the moodboard rather than read the sneak peek, it builds the anticipation for me. Alas, I am too shy to comment without anon so I just like to leave nice comments here and there. I don't know if you do named anonymous but if you do, can I be 💠?

But this chapter?? I swear I had whiplash! The Yoongi and Jin scene was so sweet, I'm talking butterflies in chest and pink clouds in my ears sweet. I've been waiting for a moment like that with them forever. I am so in love with the packs love story it hurts.

Definitely not the time to be addressing the mate mark but I like how it seemed more of a realistic argument this way. Communication is not always easy and not everyone has it together, so while Jin is usually super in control of his emotions and ready to be what the pack needs, its also refreshing to see that he still needs his reassurance too.

I don't think I blinked more than twice after Jin seen the mark. My heart shattered at how heartbroken poor Minnie was 😫 I just wanted to scoop him up. He's really just a sweet puppy and he just wanted to make Tae better.

I probably, most definitely, have a very unhealthy attachment to this story and the characters but oh well. I will be anxiously waiting for everything to finish unfolding so I can breathe again.

ahhhhh i get unreasonably flustered whenever people comment my mood boards, i'm so particular when it comes to them like...so so so particular it's often frustrated that i can't make them look right~ i think theres a blanace that people often fail at when making mood boards, they're either not cohesive thematically with the story or not cohesive as a color pallet. i could talk about it for an UNREASONABLY long time- so i'll just say thank you for the compliment!

i think that the yoonjin scene really helped solidify how shocking the moment was between them that followed immediately after. this kinda added to his emotional instability in those moments tbh.

it's okay that you have an unhealthy attachment to bily since i do too <3 this love is all very recursive and exponential because the more love you guys give it the more i want to write it and give back to you <3

[boldlyvoid]

Only Time Will Tell | Part 2

18+

Summary: Fifteen years after a horrible breakup, Y/N and spencer figure out that time can heal almost everything.

Content Warnings: angst, parental death, mentions of cancer and suicide. Bi reader, bi spencer, recounting childhood relationships, slight angst, spencer's headaches, abusive relationships (not spencer and reader) blood tests, spencer's addiction issues, getting together, smut, unprotected sex, dirty talk, switch spencer, sub reader, smut (not super graphic)

Word Count: 6.5K

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

When she wakes up she’s incredibly confused. She stares up at the bumpy stucco ceiling and Spencer laying on her chest and it feels like she’s gone back in time. He’s so snuggled into her, but her body is different than when she was 15, a lot different. He has a handful of one boob and his face on the other and she just shakes her head at the sight.

She kisses his forehead and strokes his hair and she lets it happen, because this is how she’s wanted to wake up every single day for the past 15 years. She’s spent just as long away from him as she’s spent loving him and she never realized how much it would hurt to think about it when she got him back.

She expected all the pain to go away, and while she’s a doctor and she knows way too much about the human brain, she still expected him to make her instantly happy. It wasn’t going to happen like that. Yes the hormones and endorphins were going to help, hugs and kisses and cuddles, sleeping beside him and hopefully sex… all those would contribute to making her feel happy, but at the end of the day her depression was always going to sit in the corner and attack when she was the most vulnerable.

Even with her last crush, it was good until she was alone. She’d cuddle with her all night with her lips pressed to her shoulder, wishing more than anything that she could feel that good forever… and it faded away when she realized she’d never have her. Unlike how she feels with Spencer right now.

He starts to wake up, also confused she guesses because he pulls away and sits right up with wide eyes and a horrified look on his face that just makes her laugh. “It’s fine, lay back down,” she pulls him back in and he settles, but the hand that was on her boob is now on her arm and he doesn’t say a word.

“How was your sleep?” She eventually asks, it’s the slightest whisper as she runs her fingers over his back the way he liked when he was younger.

“Really good,” he whispers back, “I haven’t slept this long in probably 15 years.”

“That makes one of us,” she smirks, “I sleep so much, it’s never refreshing but I sleep a lot.”

“I have really bad headaches, and no one can give me answers for them, I want to sleep but normally I can't.”

“What do you mean no one has answers?” She feels a little defensive, “have you had a brain scan or done blood work?”

“I’ve done it all,” he sighs, and she lifts him off of her.

“Do you have them here? Can I look?” She starts to worry for him, wanting to see everything she can and help him.

“Yeah,” he gets out of bed and rummages through his things, pulling out a few manila folders.

She grabs her phone and turns the flash on, laying it face down on the bed and shining up towards the ceiling, she takes out his MRI, a CT scan and holds them over the light one by one. “Your gray matter is so thick…”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“You’re a genius, tell me what gray matter does,” she teases, remembering how she used to use him as a google before Google was even invented.

“It's found throughout the central nervous system and controls movement, memory and emotions…”

“You’re a genius, I’ve always wondered how it would look,” she is fascinated with these normally, but Spencer’s is her favourite so far. “Your brain looks good, there’s nothing alarming, nothing out of the ordinary, but that doesn’t mean it’s all working right.”

He just hums along, she places them all back in their folders and opens his folder of paperwork, reading all his blog tests, “this is just basic stuff?”

He nods, “they won't test anything without reason.”

“Come to my lab? I’ll run every test in the book, you’re technically a schizophrenia research candidate so no one will care.”

“Really?” He looks almost excited, “I can take the morning off?”

“Okay,” she smiles, “let’s get ready then.”

She makes a phone call in Spencer’s kitchen, he’s still in the shower but Y/N’s completely dressed and ready for the day with the little supplies she brought in her bag. But she needs help.

“What?” The man answers first.

“It’s just me, put her on.”

“I’ve got this—Hello,” her best friend snatches the phone from him and answers with a smile she can hear, “how are you, bestie?”

“Hi Maeve,” she whispers with a smile.

“Why are we whispering?” She teases, “are you at someone’s house?”

“Yes,” she smiles, “I’m at Spencer’s.”

“No fucking way…” she whispers, “why didn’t you call me after your coffee date on Tuesday? I was so excited to hear about it.”

“I tried, but Bobby picked up and said you weren’t available,” she replied with a deep sigh, not hiding the fact that she hates Maeve’s fiancé.

“Oh,” she sounds ashamed and it makes Y/N feel bad for her, “well, how’d it go?”

“Good, we had a very PG13 sleep over the way we used to, It was nice waking up with him again, but I’m taking him into work today to do some blood work, I was wondering if I could send you some of his results? He’s getting headaches that he says are pretty debilitating?”

“Hmm, I’m free this morning once Bobby leaves for work, has he had any prior tests? I can come by and meet my best friend's best friend?” Maeve all but begs, that same pleading tone in her voice that Y/N loves.

“Of course, I’d never turn down a visit from you, I’ve missed you a lot,” she smiles at the floor, “and you’re really going to like Spencer.”

“I’m sure I will, do you think everything’s going to work out between you two?”

“I’m not sure yet,” her smile fades at the admission, “I don’t want to get my hopes up, but given the fact he texted me worried for my well-being and he’s been so adamant about hanging out… I’d like to say things are going back to normal.”

“Awe,” she swoons, “I love stories like this, you know that. I’m so glad you’re finally talking to him again, I thought I was going to have to bring you into my marriage, sister-wife style, in order to make you happier.”

“You could still leave Bobby for me,” she teases. “If this doesn’t work out, I still need a wife?” She teases and Maeve laughs and it makes her smile wide and toothy.

“Okay, I’ll think about it,” she whispers, “I’ll see you at work? In like an hour?”

“Do you want a coffee? We’re probably going to stop on the way,” Y/N offers, finally looking up from the pattern in the kitchen tile to see Spencer standing in the doorway.

“Just my usual,” she can hear Maeve’s smile, “but I’ll see you then, bye, love you.”

“Love you too,” she hangs up and stutters as she looks at Spencer, “I didn’t hear the water turn off?”

He’s standing there in a dark purple towel, one around his waist and one tightly wrapping his hair, he looks silly but she loves it. “Who was that?”

“My best friend,” she presses her lips together awkwardly, “she’s a geneticist, and if you have a deficiency causing these headaches she’s the best one to figure it out.”

“Thank you for caring this much,” it sounds so sad, she can tell he’s not used to this kind of effort being put in for him anymore.

“I’m very used to protecting you, it’s not something I can drop, even after fifteen years,” she reminds him, “I hate to think that you’ve had to do it alone for so long.”

“It’s been hard,” he agrees. “How is this going to work?”

“What?”

“Being best friends? Because as much as everyone on my team says they’re my best friend, I don’t feel close enough to anyone to give them that title anymore, not since I stopped talking to you,” it’s a lot to take in at a quarter to 8 in the morning.

Her eyes just go wide and she feels so bad for him, but at the same time, he did that to himself. He could have reached out, he could have stayed. There are lots of things he could do, and now the only thing she wants to do is let it go.

“Maeve means a lot to me, you’ll like her,” she steps into his space and pokes his wet chest, “she’s the only woman in her field, I’m the only woman in mine, we met at a talk a few years back and she’s been my person for so long.”

“Why couldn’t she go to get the time capsule with you?”

“She can’t leave the state,” Y/N admits, “she has a stalker and she won't tell me much, she doesn’t want me involved, she’s a little scared. And Bobby won't even let her answer the phone anymore, she’s why I reached out. She believes in fairytales and happy endings and after everything I’ve told her she said this love story has all the makings of a romantic comedy.”

Spencer laughs, “she’s not wrong.”

“She’s always going to be my best friend, but I can have two,” Y/N suggests, looking up at him and raising a brow.

“I don’t mind sharing,” he whispers.

It looks like he wants to kiss her and she desperately wants to lean in and let him, but he backs up. “I’m just going to change and then I’ll meet you back out here.”

“Yeah, course,” she lets him walk away and her heartbeat is audible in her ears.

She’ll always love Spencer, and yet a part of her wonders what would’ve happened if she had actually asked Maeve out that week before she met Bobby. Then she’d be able to go to the cops about the stalker, then she’d keep her safe all the time, and then again maybe she wouldn’t be here with Spencer trying to make it work if she was with Maeve.

It’s a lot to deal with at 8 in the morning.

She walks down to the building's garage with Spencer, he’s all dressed and ready for the day and he looks great. He dresses better than when he was a teenager, everything matches, it’s pressed and clean and he honestly could walk the runway like this.

And then she sees it.

“You still have it?”

“Shit,” Spencer whispers, “we can take the subway or a cab or something if this is triggering at all?”

“No,” she assures him, “I’m not triggered, just shocked that Amy still runs?”

“I’m an engineer, remember? I know how to keep her going.”

She runs her hand along with the blue paint of Diana’s old Volvo Amazon, who they appropriately named Amy when they were kids. She looks in at the backseat, the tear in the seat is still there from when the button on her jeans got stuck, the light in the radio is still burned out, unable to tell the time. The seats are just as comfortable, she turns on just as loud as before, and she never thought she’d say she missed the smell.

They stop at a coffee shop by the university, Spencer orders first and then it’s up to her, “can I get an iced coffee and—“

“A white hot chocolate with a blueberry tea bag in it? Absolutely,” the barista smiles, “anything else today, Y/N?”

“Not today, Katie,” she smiles, taking out the normal amount and a decent tip, “how’s school going?”

“Good, thank you for that study guide, I got a 92 on my last Bio test,” she’s unbelievably giddy and it makes Y/N’s day.

“that’s amazing,” Y/N makes the most basic small talk before joining Spencer by the counter.

“How do you know everyone?” Spencer whispers and nudges her shoulder with his own.

“I talk to people,” she nudges him back, “you’d be amazed by what happens when you let people in.”

Spencer hums, they watch Katie make their drinks carefully and quickly, putting them in a tray and handing them to Y/N with a smile. “Have a wonderful day.”

“You too!” Y/N calls back and waits for Spencer to get the door for them.

And then he opens the passenger door for her too. “So, I have to ask…” Spencer says as they finally get back in the car. He places his coffee in the cup holder, “were you and Maeve together at some point?”

“No…”

“Oh,” he drops it when he realizes it’s not a question she wants to be asked.

The rest of the drive is quiet, she sips her coffee and looks out the window and he taps the steering wheel the way he always used to do. “Have you dated anyone in the last 15 years?”

“Not really,” he shrugs, “I have been on dates but nothing’s really worked out.”

“Hmm,” she says before she drops it.

Pulling into her work, he parks in her spot and the two of them get out and begin their walk to the elevators and then he asks another question.

“So you haven’t dated or been with anyone since we broke up?” He looks a little shocked.

“Not really,” she shakes her head, “I don’t feel the need to? I’m not lonely, I’m busy.”

“Oh.”

The elevator dings and she walks out first, through the main hall and towards the lab. She puts on her coat and hands Spencer a blank one, “these are my Ph.D. candidates.”

Inside she has 4 students all dressed up and doing their work and Spencer waves awkwardly as they look up at him. “Good morning guys.”

“Morning doctor,” they reply in unison.

“My friend Spencer here has a genetic predisposition for schizophrenia so I’m just going to run the basic tests but he’s not going to be in any of the trials.”

“Sounds good,” one of them smiles.

“We’ll be in here if you need me,” she points at her office and Spencer follows her inside. “Oh, and Maeve is coming in as well, tell her to come right in.”

“Why? How many people have you slept with?” She suddenly closes the door, resuming their conversation immediately.

“Including you,” he does the calculations on his fingers, letting out a deep breath he was keeping in. “Elle, Ethan, and a handful of one-night stands…”

“That’s not too bad,” she shrugs and then she can’t help but laugh, “but Ethan? Really?”

Spencer nods with a smirk, “I told you I would one day.”

She laughs, remembering how much they hated each other. Ethan was a pain in the ass, flirting with both of them to piss the other off, especially when they were all on opposite mathlete teams… but Spencer did have a crush and she was secure enough in their relationship back then to just laugh it off, like she is now.

“How did it even happen?” She asks, taking out all the supplies from the cupboard, and returning to him with an elastic band.

“I went to see him in New Orleans because I was addicted to drugs and he’s an alcoholic and I wanted him to tell me not to waste my life away because no one else was going to do it.”

“Wait, addicted? I thought it was just the one case?” Her whole body reacts, her heart drops and her breathing changes and she worries for him in a way she hasn’t felt in years. “Do you want me to do this in your hand so you don’t get triggered?”

He shakes his head, “no, it’s fine,” and then he takes a chip out of his pocket, “it was nice to not feel anything for a while.”

He hands it to her, it’s a 5-year chip and it makes her smile. “I’m always going to be proud of you.”

“I know.”

She hands it back to him and he puts it back where it belongs and the conversation dies there as she takes his blood and he looks away. She has a few vials, she puts his name on them and turns back to him. “Can I ask who Elle is?”

“She was on my team,” he presses his lips together and she knows there’s more in there.

“And?”

“She was shot and had terrible PTSD after, I checked on her one night and she was drinking and we got to talking about her feelings and she didn’t want to be alone… the next night she killed a serial rapist and claimed self-defence but I know she killed him because we couldn’t get justice for his victims. She put justice into her own hands, and then she left.”

“Do you live in a soap opera?” She teases, “damn, okay. I mean good for her, she probably thought if she was going to prison at least she could get some dick first.”

“That’s what I thought for a while too,” Spencer nods along, only slightly sad. “But then I thought about what I did to you, and I figured she didn’t need a reason to sleep with me and leave me, sometimes it just happens and there isn’t a good reason.”

“It’s different for boys,” she combats. “And you weren’t a virgin then, you were what? 24? You were almost a full-brained man.”

“I know.”

She needs to let it go, she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, “sorry.”

“You’re not wrong. The damage I must have caused isn’t something that heals fast,” he explains and it starts to feel like a profile. “You haven’t just not slept with anyone because you don’t want to. It’s because you’re scared. We were really young, we were stupid, and I hurt you to the point where you can’t let in anyone who will leave you. I’m going to keep saying I’m sorry even though I know I can’t remove the scars, they’re always going to be there.”

“I hate you sometimes,” she whispers, turning away from him and gripping the counter. “You didn’t have to read me like that. Not everything is your fault you know, I’ve tried. I’ve wanted to and none of the people I’ve dated were good enough and the person I wanted to sleep with the most found someone else before I had the courage to do anything about it.”

“I’m sorry.”

She turns back to him with a straight face, “I wanted to feel loved more than I wanted to be fucked. You damaged my heart, not my vagina.”

He tries not to laugh, biting his lips and yet the air that leaves his nose sounds like a laugh, she turns her attention back to him, playfully outraged that he would laugh. “You’re a dick.”

“I missed you a lot,” he smiles, “and I’m really glad you reached out.”

—

When Maeve comes in, Y/N wraps herself around her so tight that Maeve laughs. “Hello lovely,” she whispers against her and Y/N’s heart flutters just a bit.

“Were you safe?” Y/N worries and brushes her hands along her arms as she looks her over. “You weren’t followed or anything?”

“No,” Maeve assures her and hugs her once more, “you look so good, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you,” she rocks her back and forth slightly and then turns to introduce her to Spencer, who’s now standing.

“This is Doctor Spencer Reid, Spencer this is Doctor Maeve Donovan, my best friend,” Y/N turns to him and Spencer looks at her like he knows her from somewhere.

“wait—

“Journal of Behavioural Psych… I’ve already seen your brain,” Maeve fills in the blanks. “I didn’t reply to your email because I knew you were Y/N’s Spencer.”

“Oh…” Spencer can’t really believe it.

“And I had no idea you have schizophrenia in your family either…” she stares at Y/N with her brows raised.

“Stop,” she whispers under her breath. “I told you.”

“It was between Alzheimer's in Texas and Schizophrenia here,” Spencer repeats. “I always thought I’d be the one to cure it for my mom, but I’m glad it’s you.”

Maeve just smiles at him and Y/N can’t stop smiling at her, it’s surreal to have her best friends meet.

They all catch up with their drinks in her office. Sitting at Y/N’s desk and sharing their stories, Spencer’s medical issues, Y/N’s flight anxiety and Maeve’s stalker.

“I actually got this yesterday…” she takes a letter out of her purse and hands it to them. “I think I’m going to dye my hair brown and move out of Bobby’s apartment. And I might hide for a bit.”

“No,” Y/N shakes her head, “we can get Penelope and the rest of Spencer’s friends to look into this, please? Please you can’t hide anymore this is too serious.”

“This is classic stalker behaviour,” Spencer says as he reads over the letter a few times. “They want to murder you and then kill themselves… do they bring this up often?”

“Yeah,” Maeve agrees. “He has a thing with suicide he’s said I should just kill myself and spare everyone the stress…”

“Wait,” Y/N stands and flicks through all her paperwork, “that girl who you turned down for a Ph.D. handed in the same thesis to me about cell deterioration in people with suicidal ideation.”

“That sounds like it matches up,” Spencer agrees. “I think I can have Penelope email you some information on the student so you can take it to the police?”

“Thank you, Spencer,” she smiles at him and Y/N can’t help but feel like a third wheel somehow.

Because of course her straight best friend, who she’s been in love with for 2 years, would meet her ex-boyfriend and be instantly attracted to him. It’s her luck. And by the way, Spencer is smiling at her, she knows he thinks she’s pretty. She’s known him long enough to remember when he looked at her like that… she clears her throat and gets them to stop making googly eyes at each other.

“We have a flight to catch soon too,” she reminds him. “I’m going to go work with my students if you two want to stay here and talk to Spencer’s co-workers.”

“Yeah,” Maeve agrees quickly. “That sounds good.”

“Can I talk to you first?” Spencer asks, pulling her into the other room and closing the door.

“What’s up?”

“You’re jealous,” he reads her just as well as she reads him.

“And you think she’s pretty,” she bites back. “I’m not jealous, I’m envois. I wished for a very long time that she would love me back and all it takes is a single smile from you and she’s probably willing to leave bobby.”

“But she’s not you,” Spencer replies. “It’s not that easy for me to fall in love, you know that. It took us years to fall as in love with each other as we were and it never went away. Meeting her can’t replace how I feel about you.”

“We can’t do this now,” she stops him. “Sit on it, tell me tomorrow when we open the time capsule. Mean it when you say it, don’t just try and calm me down with your words.”

She leaves the room, walking right past Maeve and into the lab. Helping the first student to call her attention and leaving her best friends to mingle.

—

She has a nap on the plane, Spencer did too, their heads resting against each other as they slept through the turbulence and the crying babies, waking up for the landing and departure. They get a car for the weekend, and the drive to her parent's house is so, so, so quiet.

“I’m not ready for how weird this is going to be” She whispers.

“It’s not going to be weird.”

“Yes, it is,” she’s adamant.

Her bed is still there for them to spend the night in, so are her parent's and brothers' beds if he doesn’t want to sleep beside her. And the couches and the fridge and anything big that she couldn’t move out alone yet.

“Why? Because we have to sleep in the same bed again, because it’s the house with all our memories or because the time capsule has letters addressed to our kids?”

“Yes.”

They both laugh at her bluntness, “we were so hopeful back then.”

“We had no reason not to be,” he says. “Your parents were very good at reminding me that our dreams can come true if we work hard enough.”

“They were great parents,” she agrees. “I miss them so much…”

“Would it be weird if I went to the grave?”

“No,” she lets out a deep breath, “they loved you.”

He pulls onto their old street and her heart is in her stomach. She can’t believe they’re actually doing this, they’re actually together again at her parent's house. He pulls into her driveway, her dad's truck is still parked out front and it looks exactly the same as it used to.

They grab their bags, she opens the door and then they’re alone in her old house. “See,” she teases, “it feels fuckin weird.”

“It’s so cold,” Spencer whispers. “Not like freezing, it just doesn’t feel right in here.”

“I know,” she agrees, taking her things and heading up the stairs towards her old bedroom.

“It’s grey…” Spencer whispers as he enters the room. “What happened to the purple?”

“My mom was bored when she was recovering from the chemo and she wanted to paint, so we did it,” she shrugs, “it was a fun weekend.”

Spencer puts his things in the corner and somehow it feels like they’re 15 again. He used to put his backpack there, he’d kick off his shoes and dive into her bed, waiting for afternoon cuddles and a nap before dinner and then they’d do homework until her curfew when he’d walk back to his house and wave to her from his window.

He kicks off his shoes again and she just sits on the edge of her bed, watching him. He takes off his suit jacket and hangs it on the hook behind her door, another thing he remembered to do almost by instinct.

“It’s like you never left,” she whispers.

He nods, “can I tell you now that I feel the same way, that I miss being loved too.”

It’s way too early in the weekend to be here already. “No,” she whispers. “Don’t do this to me again, please? Don’t offer to love me if you’re not certain that you’ll stay.”

“No one can be?” He reminds her as he sits beside her on her bed.

“You dying and you breaking my heart are two very different things,” she replies. “It would be easier if you died.”

“How?” He looks offended.

“Because then no one else can have you,” she can’t look at him and the tears come back. It fucking sucks. It hurts and she’s embarrassed.

“It’s killed me thinking about you all these years, wondering if you ever replaced me. I spent my whole childhood dreaming about being your wife and then I had to just imagine you with someone else for the last 15 years and it sucked.”

He doesn’t reply.

She shakes the tears away, clearing her throat slightly, “we’re either together or we’re not. Pick one. I can’t be stuck in limbo anymore.”

“No, I can’t just agree to go back to how it was before,” he shakes his head, “I’m not going to live up to your expectations. We are two completely different people now, we can’t just pick up where we left off without us fighting about it. I’m never going to be the same to you as I was when we were kids because I don’t know who that Spencer is anymore. I haven’t been him for a long time and this Spencer is really bad at pretending.”

He’s more assertive now, he was never this confident to fight with her when they were kids and then again he didn’t have a reason to.

They were happy back then.

“Would you like to date again and get to know each other as we are now?” She compromises.

“What if you don’t like who I am now? What if I let you down?”

“You can’t,” she can’t help but smile. “Because even after everything that’s happened, just looking at you fills me with the same feeling it did when we were kids. You’re always going to be my best friend, no matter what, even if we don’t have the same interests anymore or if you’re a bit more annoying…”

It makes him giggle and that’s what she wanted, “see? Look at us? We can do this, we just have to talk about it. I’m open to the fact that you’re a different man now from your trauma and you’re accepting of the fact I’m incredibly damaged from mine, and that we might always be, but one day we’ll laugh about it.”

“I’m not sure I’ll be laughing,” he teases and it feels like it did back then.

“No? I’m going to bring it up to tease you then,” she warns him, “because you’re cute when you’re frustrated.”

“You’re also more annoying than I remember,” he teases her right back and moves in to tickle her the way he used to.

She’s still ticklish. And he still remembers where. He tackles her back against the bed and she tries to push him off but she’s already giggling too hard, eyes closed as she tries to squirm out of his reach. But his arms are somehow longer than before? He wraps around her and digs into her sides with a hearty laugh and then it becomes a hug.

She settles again and he’s still on top of her and her arms wrap around him. His face is in the crook of her neck and she rests her cheek on his head, brushing her jaw along his hair and breathing deeply. She’s missed this so much in the last 15 years.

“I still love you,” he’s the one to say it first and all the tension in her body drops.

“Thank god,” she sighs and holds him a bit tighter. “I still love you.”

There’s a weird feeling in the air, one she hasn’t felt in a very long time. Not since they were sitting in that field, in Spencer’s mom's car, trying to figure out how they were going to have sex in the back seat.

She kisses the top of his head gently and he kisses the side of her neck in return and her breathing hitches. So he kisses her again, this time on the pulse point and up towards her Jaw and her eyes close as she leans into the contact.

It’s been a very long time since he’s seen most of her body, and yet as he strips her clothes off and covers her with his lips, it’s like nothings changed. He did this the first time too, carefully kissing everywhere but with a lot more nerves.

“It’s been a very long time since I’ve done this,” she reminds him, “so please don’t stop.”

He laughs, kissing her cheek and looking down at her. “We’re doing this?”

She nods, “there’s no one here to stop us.”

“And no reason to stay quiet,” he teases back, looking around her room quickly, “it’s strange being back here.”

“We never actually had sex in here,” she whispers, pecking his lips softly and then realizing that’s the first real kiss they’ve shared in 15 years.

He lunges in and kisses her again, hand on her cheek as she rests back against the pillow, he slides a leg in-between her own, grinding against her softly as he kisses her, swiping a tongue along her bottom lip, he used to love making out with her.

They could make out for hours on end, hot and heavy, grinding together but never taking it anywhere. It was just as fun to them as anything else, up until they had sex for the first time. Then it was all they wanted to do, only back then they were both more scared of being caught than actually doing it, and it’s not like they hadn’t been experimenting with each other their whole lives.

They had baths together as kids, they spent a lot of time alone as children and they hit puberty at the same time… she’ll never forget the day they learned what masturbating was, they went home and tried it alone and reported right back to each other the next day.

It was always meant to happen, he was the only person she wanted to take her virginity back then. And she wasn’t mad at him for taking it and then leaving, she was mad at him for having sex with her a million more times before he left.

But he was always so delicate with her and she was just as soft with him, they loved each other and respected each other like it was second nature to them, and it was so easy to slip back into that. She knew everything he liked, he remembered what spots elicited the best responses from her. It was like they never missed a beat.

His clothes come off just as quickly as hers, she’s missed him so much over the years. Remembering their first time for far too long, thinking about him at the worst moments, typically right as pleasure overtook her. She’s been saying his name when she cums for so long it’s the only thing she knows how to do.

“Spencer please?” She whines as they grind together, her lips just as swollen as his.

She sits up and takes him with her, he kneels in front of her and she uses the free space to get off the bed and search through her suitcase. “I brought condoms for a reason,” she laughs as she hands them to him. “I figured this would happen at some point.”

“I did too,” he smirks, “but I also saw tonight that you’re on the pill?”

She nods and laughs, “you’re kidding?” She climbs back into her bed and suddenly she’s nervous, “I mean, yeah, we could? But how do I know you’re clean? You’ve slept with a lot of people since we were together.”

“6 isn’t a lot,” he retorts, “but I just thought I’d ask, I still want you to be the first person I do that with.”

“You’re asking and you can’t even say it?” She teases him, shoving him lightly and taking the condoms from him.

His whole demeanour changes then, “you’d let me fuck you raw?”

She forgets how to breathe then, simply nodding with her jaw dropped, mouth breathing, deeply, she’s shocked. She finally swallows, returning the moisture to her mouth, “yeah…”

“What else would you let me do?” He whispers, drawing her in closer until she’s sitting in his lap and running her hands down his bare chest.

“Anything,” she whispers back, “I’ve missed your touch.”

He hums, brushing his nose against hers before kissing her softly. “Do you think about me still?”

Of course he remembered when she told him that.

There was one day where he never came over, she was waiting and waiting and he wasn’t showing up so she eventually went over to get him. Finding him having an anxiety attack in his room, admitting to her and apologizing profusely for thinking about her when he masturbated the night before. He was afraid she would think he was gross and then hate him. When in reality she was thinking about him too.

She nods, “it’s hard not to when you’re the best I’ve ever had.”

“I’m all you’ve ever had,” he reminds her. Or at least so he thinks.

“No,” she shakes her head, “there was another guy in high school.”

“What?” He furrows his brows, “I thought you said you didn’t?”

“I didn’t really want to, but, I had sex with Kyle VanNuss? Do you remember him?” She asks carefully, scared that this is ruining absolutely everything when she was just so close to having him again.

“I hated him,” Spencer replies. “I’m sorry it wasn’t good.”

“it’s fine it was 12 years ago,” she laughs, “I really wanted to sleep with people, I would have loved to have been able to, but I need this first. I need to feel totally and completely safe and loved and appreciated, the way you make me feel.”

“Demisexuality is defined by—

“Don’t quote textbook definitions at me, I love you and only you and no one compares. Now if there’s a spencer-sexual term, that’s me, and that’s how I’d like to keep it,” she tries to keep a straight face but she ends up laughing and dragging him down with her.

He rests his forehead on her shoulder, arms around her waist, they’re so close and completely naked and it feels right, “this is all I want.”

She sits up a bit, reaching between them and gripping his cock at the base and he moans. He’s bigger than she remembers, he still makes such beautiful sounds as she strokes him and then she runs the head of his cock along her folds and he tosses his head back with another delicious moan.

“Put it in,” he requests.

She sinks down onto him with more ease than she thought she would, always so turned on by him, it’s easy. She bottoms out and rests back against his legs, sitting in his lap, holding him incredibly close. It feels like every single part of him is touching her and she still wants more. Reconnecting their lips, his hands move down to her hips to help her move, grinding and bouncing they make a rhythm that is completely theirs, it works and she’s so lost in him.

Moaning into his mouth, feeling his hands on her body, his chest against hers and his tongue in her mouth. It’s all she’s wanted for a very long time, and it’s overwhelming. She tries to hold herself together but it feels so good, she’s on the edge of every single emotion in the book as she rides him there.

She breaks the kiss to hold him tighter, kissing his shoulder before he picks her up and lays her back against the bed, crawling between her legs and sliding back in. It’s easier at this angle, he slides in and out so easy, his thumb is on her clit and his mouth on her breasts as she lays there, blissed out and moaning, a tear slips down her face and she quickly wipes it away.

It’s all a lot and according to him, he’s staying forever. This isn’t the last time it’ll happen, it’s actually the first of many, the first of forever, and only time will tell how long that forever lasts.

Permanent tag list

@ssacalumsg0lden @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @xoxospencerreid @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @meganskane @kya-li @reidsbookclub @muffin-cup @sassymoon @shirleyrose @reidsacademia @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @spooky-goob @strawberryspence @thatsonezesty13

[pankeki-25]

Next to you

Tech x GN! Reader

Rating: SFW 16+ (but the 1st rule in this blog is "M I N O R S do not interact")

Pairing: Tech x GN! Reader

Word Count: 691 (new personal record!)

Warnings: fluff | reader is sick | fever delirium | a lot of tears |

A/N: A half of this I wrote it while I was feeling really bad and then I spent all the day working on it, my mind wasn't quiet until I finished.

This is officially my first fanfic!, so I understand if this isn't good but please don't be rude.

I hope you like it like I enjoyed to write it.

Divider: firefly-graphics

“Cya’re?” he asked, going into the ship.

You heard his voice very further, your entire body was aching and shivering, your eyes were dry and keeping open was hurting a lot. You were on the floor? In your bunk? Where were you? You only felt dazed and tired.

He kneels next to you and his cold hand reaches your forehead making you shake “Stars, mesh’la, you’re boiling” announced worriedly.

“Get out!, I’m sick, I don’t want to make you too” you shout, keeping away his arms about to carry you.

“Shhhh, I never get sick, the clones were designed to never get sick” explained while without effort he carried you and lay in your bunk. “Maker y/n, where did you catch this?, give me a minute, I need to do an exam”, you heard his steps to the cockpit, moving your head was a nightmare so you prefer to keep it still.

“Don’t close your eyes honey, I need you awake” then he put a thermometer in your armpit, he sat you and with a stethoscope began to hear your heart and your lungs, feeling the cold bell in your back. Finally he checked the blood pressure before laying you again.

“I want a chokie cakeeee with a looooot of apleeeeees”, you didn’t have idea where it come from, like you were under a strong spell that forced to say stupid things, “and a BIG warm chocolate muuuuuuug with too much…” a constant beeping interrupted you, making a disapproval face that could be funny if you weren’t sick.

“Ok, you’re 38.3 grades, you’re raving”, said checking the thermometer. He sat up and you grabbed by his wrist.

“NO!, don’t leave me alone. Pleasepleaseplease, don’t go” you cried desperately squeezing his wrist.

“Sorry my love I need to attend to you immediately, I don’t want you to get worse”, patiently he removed your hand and before going he squished softly.

But the moment he took from your side you began to cry, big tears like raindrops were ready to show up, but even a simple tear rolling by your cheek hurts a lot, making you cry more and more.

When he returned, first he sat you again, opened your mouth carefully and put some drops of something sweet inside it, then lay you it again and he went to the refresher and back with a little towel soaked in water, he folded in half and placed it on your forehead, the cold sensation makes you shiver and distract you from crying.

“Why can't I have a crab?, can we have a crab?”, you said softly a few minutes later.

“Mesh’la, you know why we can’t have pets on the ship”, he sat in front of you with his back leaning against the wall, his elbows resting on his knees, watching you with love, holding his desire to laugh with all the silly things you were saying.

“Yeah, what about a giraffe?”

“No sweetie, we can’t have a giraffe”.

“¿Really?, you gave me a giraffe because you saw me really happy in that store”.

“You couldn’t just say ‘Tech, I want my giraffe, can you give it to me?’”

“Haha, no, sorry”.

With a long sigh he standed up, going to search for your plushie. He didn’t buy it because you looked happy, he bought it because in your eyes you had a special sparkle and he was in love with that sparkle.

“You’re lucky, my dear”, announced while he took off the towel from your forehead “Omega was taking care of your giraffe”, then he put the plush in your hands.

“Thank you, my love”, you hugged the toy with too much affection. Having that simple toy makes you feel peaceful and finally you begin to sleep, feeling your eyelids very heavy to keep it open.

With love he covered you with the blankets and gave you a tender kiss on your cheek.

“You’ll feel better in the morning, I promise you”, whispered in your ear and finished with a last kiss in your temple.

“Don’t go, please”, you requested.

“I didn’t have plans to leave from your side, mesh’la”.

[nctzanne]

Your Last Name

♡ doctor!mark x fem!Reader.♡ smut, fluff if you use glasses

WARNINGS!: use of alcohol and drugs, explicit content, not sex but mentions of it.

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: I just want you to give it a try and read it AAAH

𝑅𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡?: no, an idea i've had since i started stanning NCT

𝐴𝑛𝑛𝑒'𝑠 𝑡𝘩𝑜𝑢𝑔𝘩𝑡𝑠 & 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠: As i said above, this is an idea I've had for sOOOOOO many months, so I really wanted it to make it happen. It was on my drafts for a long time. Thank you so so much if you take the time to read this.

You noticed when your mind woke up suddenly, but without opening your eyes, slowly bringing you back to reality. You tasted your own mouth dry as a bone, with a metalic flavor on it, typical scenario when we talk about hangovers. The headache that invaded you so suddenly made you grab your forehead, almost if you brain was going to explode right there. The smell of fermentation on the room -or wherever you were- made you nauseous, so you stayed still to avoid vomiting everything you consumed the night before. A light breathing woke you up from your trance and inner speech, you could even feel the warmth of it on your shoulder. That's when you realize you were not alone, totally opposite of that, you were cornered by arms twice your size, avoiding you to move on the super duper comfortable position you were in. You still didn't want to open your eyes to notice who the lucky guy was, but you could smell the hints of tequila on his breath. When that hit your nose, you turned around abruptly by instinct, trying to avoid the smell. You opened my eyes a little, just to be able to locate yourself in space-time.

A room hotel, there's where you were. White walls reflected the light that came from outside of the giant windows, making you cover your eyes with the hand that wasn't under the grip of this unknown guy. Once your eyes get used to the light, you remembered that you were at Bora-Bora for vacations with your best friend. You can hear the eagles screaming way too loud for your irritable state, but just noticing where you were made you feel more calmed. "At least I'm here and they didn't kidnap me" You thought, finally grabbing the courage to turn around and see who exactly was the guy that had a night of passion with you.

"Sure, shit"

╚═══════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═══════╝

-Wait, repeat it to me, who did you meet? -You asked incredulously, looking at how your friend Rosé was overflowing with emotion and nervousness.

-Do you know this famous band?- She told you a name that you couldn't identify, you automatically shake your head-Anyways, while I was waiting for you on the beach I met with Jaehyun, the bass player, we talked a little and he invited us for a few drinks with his friends!- She talked so fast that you had a hard time processing all the information that was given to you.

-And that's it, a random guy talks to you and you say yes?. He could be a serial killer-

-Ah c'moooon, he's a superstar, it will be funn!!!-

So, a not so official date with guys from a band. Sure, excellent idea.

-Okay, are they handsome at least?- You asked with disinterest

-You can't imagine, y/n, so prepare yourself as well as possible, they will fall for you- she approached the small bridge that united your cabins in the middle of the sea, while she blowed you a flirtatious kiss.

You just laughed and walked towards the windows, admiring the sea. You were literally in paradise, your bedrooms floated above the ocean, the white sand was not so far from where you were staying in, and the horizon was clearer than ever. How lucky you were to have a friend who helped you get over your breakups with a very casual trip to Bora Bora at the Four Seasons hotel. Loneliness invaded you for a second and you decided to get ready for the long-awaited meeting that you would have with her friends.

╚═══════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═══════╝

A white beach dress with pink heels and your tan is enough, with the right makeup obviously. It was already 7 pm and your nervous friend looked at her cell phone while texting with someone

-Is it him?- You ask, trying to peek behind her shoulder to see if you could figure out what they're talking about.

-Yes, he is telling me he's here at the bar but he doesn't see us-

-Of course, we are sitting, let me raise my hand- and so you did it.

-Here!!!!- Your friend screams in excitement when she sees 3 tall figures approaching to you. They seemed to walk on a slow pace, almost like the came out of a movie. And yes, your heart almost stopped for a good 10 seconds. Three guys, my gosh, models? What were they again?. God definitely had preferences for some human beings.

The fact that they aere so handsome and well… structured made you blush. Jaehyun, Johnny and ...

-Mark, nice to meet you- the youngest of the 3 of them greeted me, with a dazzling smile that makes his dimples appear. You bit your lip and studied his entire face so that you would never forget him again. -y/n, nice to meet you too-

╚═══════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═══════╝

Nothing more and nothing less than Mark Lee himself. His makeup was completely smeared, traces of mascara under his closed eyes. His forehead and nose were reflecting the daylight a bit. It was a hot morning (or evening), and having you next to his body was obviously going to make him sweat. His open, broken lips gave off that smell of alcohol that made you sick. But despite of everything, your sight softened after a couple of seconds. He was sleeping so peacefully, and he was clinging to you like his life depended on it, so you couldn't help but smile.

-Mark... wake up- you whispered softly while you tried to get up.

-Hmmmh, what time is it?- his morning voice made my stomach tingle a bit, your sight never leaving his figure while he starts waking up.

He squinted while he sit up in bed slowly, ruffling his own hair. It was obvious that he was in the same blank state you were a few minutes ago, and you could tell by how he confusingly looked around at the room, until his eyes reached at you. His face expression softened, giving you a shy smile.

-Do you need some clothes?- he asked, blushing when he studied your naked torso with lazy eyes. You realized that you both were entirely naked, and you rushed to cover your breasts with your arms, just to earn a pure laugh from him, that made your head resonate in pain.

-We fucked, y/n, no need to hide- Mark put all his weight on his left elbow, getting closer to you while tilting his face flirtatiously. That made you cheeks go red as ever.

-Yes, but I don't remember anything so your point is automatically invalid- His body hovered yours so fast that you couldn't even process what was happening, until he pecked your lips.

-I remember everything, so I will refresh your memory-

You burst out laughing while he deposited soft pecks all over your face. The situation was so sweet, but it didn't make you feel uncomfortable at all. He interrumpted his love actions and looked at you hungrily.

-Mark, I barely can keep myself awake, i feel like I'm going to puke...-You warned him, reading his intentions.

-Okay okay- he looked down defeated- At least, can we cuddle a bit more? I promise I can make the hangover feel better- He tangled his legs and arms to your body, resting his face on your collarbones.

╚═══════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═══════╝

Everything on that evening was talking about the mortality of a crab. Basics like where you were from, what do you do for a living and relationship status open the conversation.

Your attention was drawn to Mark when he started to introduce himself. As a Medicine student, he decided with his 2 best friends that were part of a band to go on a trip to relax due to the busy schedules that consumes their time. The three live together on a small apartment in Korea, where the rent is expensive so they can make it more affordable.

Bora-bora was the destination of their choice. It seems that the band called NCT 127 draw lot of attention from crazy fans who followed them EVERYWHERE, so an expensive place like so would be easier to have a time for them on their own.

Mark spoke always adding "like" between his words, he liked to lay back when he was sipping on his piña colada, but got closer to the table when you talked about your experience as a journalist.

He tried so hard to show interest on a topic he had no idea about, that his questions were kinda clueless, but it was obvious that it was his way to not cut the attraction and chat between you and him. It was a sexual tension you could feel by kilometers, every gaze you had was followed by a shy smile, and you felt tingles on your body everytime you had a bit of interaction.

-Do you guys do shots?- Rosé interrumpted the conversation, scanning the boys reaction.

-I mean, that's why we are here- Johnny combed his hair backwards, already feeling heated by the 2 gin tonics he drank in 15 minutes. I couldn't deny, him on a tight black shirt looked hot as fuck, I could notice how Rosé was drooling for him- Excuse me, maa'am- he raised his hand, calling the waitress- 3 rounds of shots please!-

-Man, we had 2 yesterday and you almost puked on the sea, go easyyyy- you could notice the tipsy state from Jaehyun as well. His eyes were almost closed on a thin line and his dorky smile betrayed him. Mark laughed out loud, first time in the night you heard him like that, with his cheeks tinted red. He took a big sip of his piña colada, looking at you directly at the eyes. Actually, you didnt noticed till that moment, but your legs started to feel a bit numb. Quite usual for you when the alcohol gets up on your head.

-I'm in!- you answer to Johnny's idea. Once the blue shots arrive, you quickly grab one.

-Cheers for this night to be special- he screams with a deep voice, and the other 2 guys howl as response while you burst out laughing.

When you decided that the amount of alcohol on your body was enough, you took a chance to go to the beach to sing and dance to the DJ placed randomly in there.

You felt bliss, the EDM music was filling your senses, but you tried to keep your eyes full opened so you could remember the beautiful but blurry view of the sunset.

Together with your new group of friends were a mess. Jumping, screaming, raising your hands like you could touch the sky, everything seemed possible at that moment. Even dancing and getting laid with Mark.

The music had nothing to do with your plan, but you got dangerously close to him, resting your arms on his shoulders. You could see that he chuckled, tilting his head back so he could see you fully. Both of you were drunk as hell, you thought you were killing it with the flirting skills, but probably you just looked like two fools trying not to fall for the obvious drunken state you were.

-Do you wanna kiss me?- you screamed while "Jenny" sounded on the speakers. What kind of question is that?

-Sure I do- his canadian accent made you bite your lip while smiling- Can I?- his voice tried to mimic yours, but you didnt answered, it wasnt necessary.

Your lips collided as you got close at the same time, and Mark wasted no time to open his mouth and let his tongue in your wet cavity. You moaned so loud, because you knew no one could hear it but him. A fierce fight between both of your tongues started, every graze of them would make yourself wetter and wetter. He squeezed your waist and tried to keep you closer to him if it was possible, in his drunk mind he was scared you could run away from him.

Nothing about the context was romantic at all. You both physically liked eachother and just wanted to make out. No love at first sight, no kiss with fireworks behind, just pure desire.

Adrenaline rushed your body when his hands cupped your ass, that was only covered by the thin dress you decided to wear. Nobody near you could care less about what you two were doing it, but for you, everyone was looking at the show you and Mark were offering, and that obviously turned you on.

You bit Mark's lower lip, sucked on it, while opening your eyes to look directly at him. Eyes closed, he was enjoying how you toyed his lips. The hard grip on your skin, and a bulge poking your stomach made you feel powerful, you were loving the effect you caused on him.

Suddenly, an arm made you break your kiss with Mark. You lose your balance so you hug the guy that was pulling you backwards. Johnny.

-Hey, pornstars, we have some nice shit here- he pointed his hand with his eyes. You could see a tiny bag with a white dust inside. You come to your senses and look around at the crowd to try find Rosé, but it was obvious she already was under the influence. She was on Jaehyun's shoulders, enjoying the music. You sigh, chuckling at the sight of her losing her mind.

-Its my first time though- you commented while you look at Johnny spreading the dust on top of his phone screen with one hand using a credit card. You could notice he was an expert at it, you peek to see Mark right by your side looking at the manouvers as hypnotized as you. Probably it was his first time too.

You both snorted the little substance, and it sucked at first. It was so uncomfortable, but it took minutes for you to get used to that weird sensation on your nose.

You didnt even noticed when everything started to amplify. You could feel the summer breeze making its way around you, the taste of Mark's saliva still on your tongue was strong, the colorful tins of the sky while it was dusking looked so enhanced.

A hand grabbed yours, taking you out of your trance, and almost felt like an orgasm. So warm and so soft, made you wanna scream. You turned to see a fucked out Mark, studying your face with dilated pupils, he was almost as horny as you by only grabbing hands.

He caressed yours with his thumb, and it felt like he was fucking you, your body shivered at it. Mark was enjoying it too, so he brought your fingers closer to his mouth and inserted the index one inside, and started to suck on it. You moaned and felt how your pussy clenched at nothing, the saliva coating your finger felt like caramel, if you could explain the feeling.

-Mark if you keep doing that i'm gonna cum- you told him with a warning tone, he was so inmersed on sucking your finger that he jumped when you talked. He was aroused by the situation too.

He smiled with your finger still inside of his mouth, took it out, holded you by your wrist and started to run towards...

╚═══════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═══════╝

-And we ended up here- Mark sumed up the night while you were laying on his chest, caressing it with the tip on your fingers. His, on the other hand, were playing with the locks of your hair.

-Yeah, i remember now, such a night- and then you snapped- Wait... where the fuck is...-

-Yeah, she was having a threesome with the boys. Dont worry, she was having a good time-Mark answered with a playful tone. Of course, that sounds like a very Rosé thing to do. You let out a breathy laugh.

-We could have joined...- you suggested, looking up at him. He took a few seconds to answer, while his eyes moved from one corner to the other of the ceiling, like he was evaluating that scenario.

-Yeah, and sharing? No thanks- he bit his lip and he looked at you with a greedy smile- I felt so lucky to have you screaming my name over and over-

You hit his shoulder with your fist playfully, and he took that as an answer to keep silent and just enjoy the company of the other.

╚═══════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═══════╝

2 days went by, you get used to hang out with the boys. All kinds of crazy stuff you could imagine, you were doing it with them, and it felt like heaven. Mark couldnt keep his hands to himself and everytime he had the opportunity, he would make you cum on his fingers or mouth. And the same goes for you, too. Thanks to him, you noticed how good you are at giving blowjobs inside public restrooms.

But nothing lasts forever, sadly, and the last day of your summer vacation arrived. Rosé and you were ready to go back to Seoul, while they would be staying a little bit longer. It hurted, you got used to Mark's attention, and either him or you wanted to ask for eachothers contact. Not because of lack of interest, but because both of you thought that the other saw it as an adventure. You didn't even knew his last name.

His lips devours yours before you could get in the car that was waiting for you on the street -I wont forget you, thanks for this amazing 3 days- he smiled, a tint of sadness on his eyes. You caressed his cheek, pecking his nose, trying to hurry as much as you coulf so you wouldnt start to feel emotional.

-Y/l/n-

He looked at you clueless -What?-

-My last name is y/l/n- you smiled and without waiting for an answer, you close the door of the car.

╚═══════ ≪ °❈° ≫ ═══════╝

-Hey, hey, it's okay- typical of Rosé being so overdramatic. Sure, your finger almost got cut in half while you were trying to cook some carbonara, but it wasnt a big deal, something a few stitches couldn't fix. The only thing that kept your finger from gushing blood out was a piece of toilet paper.

-Please! My friend needs a doctor!!!!- She screamed at the top of her lungs inside the hospital.

-What happened?- a nurse hurried, worried eyes scanning you both.

-She is losing her finger!!!!- Rosé felt she was going to faint.

-Jesus, Rosé, calm down-

The nurse takes a quick look at your finger- Yeah it doesn't look that good, please follow me. You are lucky we don't have that many patients on New Years Eve-

You are guided to a tiny room full of medical stuff, probably where you are going to get your finger sticked together. It hurted as fuck, but you were trying to keep focused on something other than the pain. You looked at the desk with the computer on, and on a hidden corner you noticed a picture of 3 friends, on a place that seemed too familiar to you. Actually, the friends also seemed like an old ones you had... maybe in university? You can't quite remember.

The door opened up while you were trying to dig into your memories , and you looked at the door startled.

-So, Mrs y/n...- that voice, that motherfucking voice. A year has passed. But how the fuck you were supposed to forget it?. You felt your ears buzzing, face heating and heartbeat racing. You were losing your breath and suddenly the pain of your finger got worst and worst.

He didn't turn to look at you, just got inside by looking at his phone, and once he was sit in front of you, his facial expression dropped.

There were the both of you, looking at eachother like dumb teenagers, like your finger wasnt bleeding out, almost like you were backat that bar in Bora-bora again.

-I... uh... yeah, my finger- you stutter, pointing at it. Mark shakes his head, coming back at his professional senses.

Before the medical procedure he performed, he bandaged your finger, and wrote some medicine you had to take for the pain to go away.

-It should be okay on a few weeks, nothing to worry about- he smiled at you, trying to comfort you. You felt your heart drop when he grabbed the healthy of both of your hands and caressed your palm with his thumb, everything felt like a flashback. You looked at him with clueless eyes.

-I... uh... I should come back in a few weeks then- you stuttered, pressing your lips into a thin line while looking at him directly on his eyes. He nods.

-Lee-

You frowned -Huh?-

-My last name is Lee-

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

Congrats on 200!! 🤗

I would love 🖼 a moodboard for .... hhhhmmmm how about HotchReid?

And I can't find a pencil, but I would love any blurb about HotchReid as well ❤

Eeeehhh I'm excited!! Congrats again! 🤗

I am ALWAYS on board for HotchReid, and you were my other freestyle moodboard so you get my Light!HotchReid moodboard that’s all soft and warm and romantic <3

AND IN THAT VEIN, I had an idea and ran with it so this is half blurb/half one-shot and idk where it came from but have some domestic, established relationship HotchReid C: and thank you so much for sending me the asks and celebrating with me!

--

//In which Jack outs his dad and Spencer’s relationship before they even get a chance to call it one//

--

They don’t mean to start sneaking around. Honestly they don’t. 

It just… happens.

There was no rhyme or reason for it, hiding what was very obviously becoming a permanent fixture in their lives in and outside of work. This gradual build up of moments and conversations and late nights that turned to intimacy as easily as everything else about them. Shared looks, subtle touches, feather-light at first -- until the glances turned heavy and the touches more prominent. The stolen moments turned to stolen nights, hidden behind hotel room doors or buried in tangled sheets back home in D.C. 

They didn’t need to hide anything. Not from the team, their friends they considered closer than family. But they did -- purely because they didn’t want to share this yet. Label it. Place it in those societal boxes of expectations and questions and future aspirations when right now it was… so easy. So perfect. Almost domestic in its comfort it offered, because it was theirs and theirs alone. It can be whatever they wanted it to be --

And right now, it felt like home.

-

Hotch always rises with the sun. He goes on early morning runs at all times of the year, rain or shine, even when it snows. He’s always back in enough time to get Jack up and ready for school, shower and get himself dressed for work, he’s a creature of habit and routine is his comfort zone. But now --

Now, sometimes it’s hard to leave his bed in the mornings, and the sight that always greets him when he returns from his runs makes him smile like he hasn’t in a long time. 

Spencer sleeps much later, sometimes until Hotch is done showering and has already tried to wake him up two or three times with bribes of coffee. Kissing his cheek or wild curls while still smelling like sweat from his run, and Spencer swats at him or hides under the covers without even opening his eyes. And Hotch lets him until it gets too close to the time when they need to head into the office. 

“Why does Spencer get to sleep in?” Jack asks with a tired whine, now nine-years-old and pouting over his bowl of cereal as Spencer finally drags himself from bed and to the coffee pot at half past seven in the morning. Hotch smirks and weaves around the man, scooping him close to kiss him good morning before letting him continue his trek. 

“Because he finishes his homework before bedtime,” Hotch answers his son, looking pointedly at the half completed math homework on the kitchen table. The deluge of questions were just another diversion tactic, he could see right through it, and he doesn’t let up until Jack picks up his pencil once more. 

“You have homework?” Jack asks Spencer, who sits beside him and is still rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses. Steam off his coffee the only breath of life he needs to wake up fully.

“Oh, I always have homework. Last night it was actually Morgan’s ‘homework’, he thinks I don’t notice when he slips files onto my desk.” 

Hotch sends Spencer a reprimanding look, because they both know that Morgan and Prentiss slip Spencer files all the time and he’s supposed to be putting his foot down about it. 

“He should really do his own homework,” Jack mumbles, glaring at his own math equations. 

“Well you be sure to tell him that when you see him again, Jack.” Spencer would pay good money to see that conversation, and he smiles fondly at the young boy for having his back. 

It’s barely ten minutes later when Spencer is getting up from the table and is gravitating towards the coffee pot for cup number two when Jack pipes up again.

“Hey -- was I supposed to not tell anyone about Spencer living here?” 

Hotch and Spencer look at each other, not realizing that… really that was what had happened in plain terms. Spencer did indeed live there. He couldn’t even remember the last time that he had been back to his apartment. Weeks, maybe. 

“It’s not really a secret bud, why?” Hotch asks, hesitant because… it’s not a secret, they just haven’t said anything to anyone.

“Because Aunt Penny didn’t know and now she’s sending me lots of screaming emojis.” 

Spencer looks to his phone and he also happens to have about a dozen text messages from Penelope. Most of it unintelligible key smashes and strings of pictures. 

“No texting at breakfast, you know better,” Hotch reprimands Jack as he checks his own phone. The juxtaposition making Jack scowl and Spencer snicker. Hotch finds he doesn’t have as many messages from their tech analyst, but he does have a few. The whole team probably knows already. 

He sends out a text to everyone that says ‘team meeting 9am’ 

“Guess I don’t have to take the train today.” Spencer is giving him a look over his coffee mug, amused but still hesitant. “I feel like we should be nervous, but I’m not.” 

Hotch can’t help the smirk of a smile on his face as he presses Spencer to the counter and kisses him fully, but still at least a little chaste -- with Jack making gagging sounds in the background. ’Dad, gross--’

“Finish your homework, and go brush your teeth,” he tells him without looking over. One more kiss that tastes like coffee and too much sugar, grinning a little too wide.

“I can’t tell if you’re happy, or plotting something.”

“A bit of both,” Hotch answers cryptically.

“Now I’m nervous.”

“Don’t be, I’ve been planning for this day for a long time.” But he keeps his secrets to himself as he ushers Spencer towards the bedroom -- their bedroom, he now realizes -- to make him get ready for work.

--

An hour later, the team is gathered at the round table in the conference room, and Hotch passes out binders to everyone packed with training material.

"Wait, this is an actual team meeting?" Prentiss blanches.

"How is this not about you and Reid sleeping together!?" The shock of a five pound binder in their hands seems to have taken any accusational tones out of anyone’s voices, but Hotch still scowls at Morgan’s outburst, and Spencer immediately jumps to their defense.

"We aren't sleeping together, we're…" they look at each other. "Living together. Are together."

"Dating." Hotch simplifies.

"Okay, so this ISN'T about you two 'dating'?" JJ elaborates this time, careful gaze darting between them, as is everyone else’s. 

"No, this is about how none of you noticed we were dating,” Hotch answers evenly, calmly. “If it had been about announcing ourselves, the text would have said ‘family’ meeting." 

That makes a few people smile, Penelope making a soft squeal in delight, and it changes the air in the room dramatically. 

"So ‘family’ dinner Saturday, Dave's house thank you for volunteering." Hotch says, just to wipe the smug look off the older man's face. He hadn’t said a word, yet, but with the smirk he’d been sporting all morning he didn’t need to. 

"This," he points to binders. “is a refresher course you all get to audit. Profiling 101, I want them on my desk by the end of the week. Morgan do not pass it off to Reid, you're doing your own homework this time."

Spencer can’t help it, he laughs. Hotch manages not to -- even in the face of Morgan’s comically betrayed expression.

At least Jack would be pleased to hear it.