#i think it's free that way in the phil? here it isn't

[royalarchivist]

Phil: We tried to get something sorted, but like, it was way too short notice. [...] The timing just did not mesh, it did not meet up, unfortunately.

Phil: [Missa] said that he wants to come back to the UK and stay for a little bit longer, so we'll probably meet up then. Unless I see him in Mexico first, I dunno which one's gonna be sooner. I have no idea. No idea if he's gonna see me here or if I'm gonna see him– see him there where he lives, so... We'll see, we'll see. But yeah, little bit busy this week.

–

Unfortunately Phil and Missa won't be able to meet up this week, but they'll try to schedule a proper visit in the future – in the UK or in Mexico!

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

—

Phil: Chat, I got um, I can't remember if I said this or not, but I got a message off Missa asking like, where I lived, and I said "I don't live in London" and he's like "Ah." Like, it's so– this is the second time he's done this. I'm pretty certain I said this on stream, actually, the second time he's done this where he thinks I'm in London, but I'm not. And uh, I tried to like, try and organize something, but was like way too– way too short notice.

Phil: So yeah, we try– we tried to get something sorted, but like, it was way too short notice, and unfortunately– like, I could've gone down to see him, but it's like a 2 hour and 50 minute train ride, which isn't cheap. It's like, upwards of 300 - 400£ there and back, right, for a return ticket. Then we would have had to pay for accommodation. Super short notice, crazy prices. Would not have been good.

Phil: [Reading chat] "2 hours on the train?" No, 2 hours and 50 minutes, roughly. It's like nearly 3 hours. It's like nearly 3 hours. So it would have been really expensive, and we had no kind of like, planning beforehand, it was just kind of like "Are you here?" and I was like "Uh, maybe?" and then I was like "Well, I can't, I'm not actually free on those dates either because Sneeg is coming this week" [Laughs] So– So the timing just did not mesh, it did not meet up, unfortunately. But after I said like, "Oh, I'll try, I'll try and make it, I think I can do it," he's like "No no no, don't worry! It was too short notice anyways, don't worry."

Phil: He said that he wants to come back to the UK and stay for a little bit longer, so we'll probably meet up then. Unless I see him in Mexico first, I dunno which one's gonna be sooner. I have no idea. No idea if he's gonna see me here or if I'm gonna see him– see him there where he lives, so... We'll see, we'll see. But yeah, little bit busy this week.

[heavenlymorals]

In Defense of Bill Williamson: A Curious Case Of Hear Me OUT-

Warning: this post contains mentions of rape, homophobia, and period typical attitudes.

The first time I played RDR2, I was very curious and went into Sonny's cabin. If you know, you know.

I was horrified over learning what happened to Arthur and the shock of it all was impalpable. The fact that Rockstar put in such an encounter was diabolical, but either way, it happened, and I was pissed and heartbroken for Arthur. Out of all the encounters that happened in this game, all the awful encounters, this is the only one that did not get a journal entry- mostly likely due to the trauma of getting raped and the shame of it as well- let us not forget that Arthur is a man, a very tough and burly man, living in 1899 America. The likelihood that there would be any support for him is nigh on none.

I fed Sonny to the alligators (obviously) later and more or less forgot about it because I avenged my Arthur.

Then Bill came along.

"I met a guy at the swamp who seemed to know a lot about you. I mean A LOT about you…"

I was pissed and it was the first time in the game that I heard pure, unadulterated hatred in Arthur's voice as he more or less growled at Bill to go away. From then on, I always antagonized Bill for seemingly mocking Arthur like that for getting raped.

But then I played again and again and played Red Dead 1 too and learned that Bill is gay. Even though it isn't said outright, it is implied so heavily that it would be laughable to suggest that he liked women.

So after a while, my reaction to Bill's words changed. I pity him now.

Now I know what you are thinking- Heytham, how the hell can you pity a man who mocked a fucking rape victim?

Because I don't think Bill thought Arthur was raped.

Here is how I came to this conclusion (feel free to disagree with me, but here is how I came to this conclusion):

Being a homosexual in the 1800s was a very isolating and daunting experience, with the threat of jail time and even death. Society was super judgemental and cruel to people who did not fit into what was expected of them, so being a homosexual would feel like hell on Earth because there wasn't a real way to express this attraction beyond longing and secrecy, which would make finding other gay people hard to do.

Beyond just isolation, homosexual actions can ruin careers, which we can assume is one of the reasons that Bill got dishonorably discharged ("deviancy") alongside attempted murder. Crazy to think that "deviancy" is on the same level of attempted murder and was probably shamed more, but that is neither here nor there.

Even the gang wasn't really accepting of Bill's sexuality, which speaks a lot about the gang's supposedly "progressive politics", as they aren't really politically progressive and more so idealistic in the romantic standards of 1800s America. In terms of Bill's sexuality, it felt more like a outta sight, outta mind sort of deal. Bill is the butt of jokes and his sexuality is too ("Is he gonna kiss that guy or punch him", "Bill and Phil", "He likes to do a lot of things with men on their knees (RDR1- John says it to purposely shame Bill more to the people he works with)")).

When his sexuality seems to be a bit more upfront, there is agression and disgust. The biggest example of this is Arthur's reaction to Bill wanting hair pomade. He sounds disgusted and mean and the sneer in his "Yeah, I'll get you your hair pomade…" is very telling that Arthur thinks that Bill is asking him for pomade for gay sex because of the way he reacts to it- he already has a disposition to thinking this is why Bill wants the pomade and it disgusts him, even though he does it anyways.

To give Arthur the benefit of the doubt, I'd be pretty weirded out if someone asked me for lube, but Arthur didn't know if that is what Bill actually wants. He could very well just need it for a job that requires him to look nice, which happens in the ball mission. The point is that he had a disposition and that disposition made him react in not only a bewildered way but a disgusted way. Im serious, just listen to that interaction- I don't think I am reaching.

In any case, it is quite obvious that Bill feels isolated and that isolation makes him awkward and aggressive around men that he does like (Kieran) and overall just angry at the world because of it, amongst other things. He has no one to talk to, no one to relate to, and he is shunned and despaired over something he cannot control.

So then Bill meets Sonny and whatever the hell they did together, Sonny talks about Arthur, and let us be real, what is the likelihood that he would flat out tell Bill that he raped Arthur? Low, I'd think. Most likely, he would just say that the two of them had sex.

Now think about this- Bill has mostly likely lived his entire life hiding his sexuality and only expressing it in secret because if he does otherwise, he will be punished in some form or another. But now he learns that another man in camp, the fucking enforcer of all people, has apparently went to this man for sex.

Do you realize what this means for a gay person? Especially a gay person who lives in a society that actively discourages and punishes same-sex relations? It doesn't necessarily mean that that person would try to drum up a relationship, but there is comfort in the fact that now you know another person who is experiencing the same thing you are- the solidarity in that is priceless. I would know, I come from a culture that still kills gay people.

When Bill comes up to Athur, he genuinely sound giddy, like he found a big secret. There wasn't really any malice in his voice, other than a "haha, guess what I just found out" sort of tone.

When Arthur tells him to get out of there, he didn't seem offended. He didn't seem annoyed or aggressive, which is unusual for Bill. He just puts his hands up in surrender and goes off, almost as if he was saying "hey, I get it man," in the sense that a man during this time period, especially a man like Arthur, wouldn't want to be found out as gay. Internalized homophobia was definietly rampant.

He genuinely doesn't seem to have malice in that tone- Bill only talks like that when he is either excited or happy or acting like a human being. And at this point in the game, Bill still respected Arthur, so I doubt he would want to step on his toes, especially in a way like that.

If I am not talking out of my ass, this could be such a great moment of character development for Bill- sympathy for another man supposedly like him in the world that they lived in. Fucking Bill having sympathy and empathy- who would've thought.

Or he could be mocking Arthur for being a rape victim because Bill is genuinely a piece of shit.

But on the off chance that he does not? What an interesting microcosm of LGBTQ+ dynamics in 1899 America.

In any case, FUCK SONNY AND DONT GET INVITED INTO HOUSES IN THE SWAMPS-

[isa-ghost]

phil and cellbit hcs?

VESPER YOUR MIND...

qPhil headcanons masterlist

When Phil needs answers on something, he goes straight to Cellbit (at least pre-Purgatory, he's switched to Bagi over the months bc they've gotten much closer).

Another reason he's so pissed abt the reset is bc the Feds took them the fuck away from The Order, which had all of Cellbit's tools for figuring out the weird new shit they encounter on QI

ANOTHER reason Phil hates the reset is bc there's not much weird shit going on over here? It's just?? Capitalism?? There's nothing to take pictures of for Cellbit. And he really misses dropping an entire goldmine of new pictures for theorizing on Cellbit and watching how excited he gets about it :(

See, Phil and Cellbit were close prior to Purgatory; look at the Order, Phil picking his domain (idr their formal names), etc. But Purgatory did.. something. I mean, it did something to all of Bolas, but something extra to these two's friendship. The leader role, the way Cellbit fell into a sort-of second in command & substitute when Phil wasn't around, Phil (was meant to be) rescuing Cellbit & Baghs. It was teamwork and brothers in arms shit to a degree they'd previously not reached. It's permanently intensified their bond and trust in each other. Which I can't wait to see unfold if Cellbit keeps getting worse. >:D

It's a 50/50 if Phil is concerned about Cellbit's (re)rising murderous tendencies and potentially "resurfacing" cannibal habits or if he's just like "Haha, friend is stabby, lookit him go. :)"

I have a hot take. Roier to Etoiles in Purgatory is Cellbit to Phil. Loyal attack dog more than happy to create bloodshed for their equally scary leader. The authority aspect has kinda gone away post-Purgatory but Cellbit will still kill a man if Phil says do it. Phil wouldn't ask that of him if he didn't have a good reason.

Phil is super awed and inspired by Cellbit's building skills. Idiot will be like "damn, wish I could build like that" as if he can't. Bitch you just refuse to!!! (I want these two to build something big and sick together so bad)

I don't know how things would've played out if Cellbit was present for EK possession things but I know it would've been fucked up and intense. And I can't explore it in AMFMN because Cellbit & Baghera are still missing in it. 😔

That said, Cellbit gets told Phil was possessed by some old piece of shit he used to know and is immediately like "Phil I will fight god for you, I don't give a FUCK"

Phil absolutely loves watching Richas take on more and more of Cellbit's unhinged traits. He's a bit worried he's gonna become a little ball of murder too, but Richas has like half the fucking island as parents, he'll be fiiiiiine.

I don't remember if qPhil knows about the Purgatory 2 murder spree stuff but I like to think he doesn't yet because boy would his reaction be spicy :) If he does know and I've forgotten, he 100% didn't entirely process just How fucked it was.

As close as they've become and as,, kinda chill? Phil has been about the whole murder thing?? He's still deeply worried about Cellbit in other ways post-Purgatory. Dude's seemed withdrawn, he can't remember the last time he saw him with Roier, and just overall things have been different to a degree Phil is sure isn't normal or a slow bounce-back period. But every time he has a free moment to check in, Cellbit's never around.

Actually, as Cellbit gets worse, I think Phil will go from chill with how things have been worsening to Oh Fuck because he's gonna see a lot of his Antarctic self in him. It's not like Phil isn't proud of that era or anything, but. Mentally and emotionally? Being cold and merciless like that takes a toll. One Cellbit shouldn't subject himself to.

Phil cannot for the life of him Not laugh whenever Pac brings up the whole. Leg eating thing. Pac is so out of pocket about it nowadays bc it happened so long ago and Phil gets whiplash from the casual jokes every time. I think if Cellbit made jokes about it Phil would keel over.

Just out of spite and for the sake of clarity: Phil is not Cellbit's fucking parental figure. Cellbit is not his son. They are grown ass men. They are friends. Colleagues. Confidants if we wanna stretch things a bit. There is nothing familial about their bond.

[fryday]

RE: Phil being quiet and Dan making the innuendos and winks, I actually think the opposite.

Phil said in his coming out video that he had been out and comfortable with himself for years and would have preferred to do a short video just talking from inside an actual closet lol

My interpretation is that he would have been ready and comfortable to be out as a couple this whole time but since Dan wasn't (isn't?), he deferred to Dan's comfort level. He let's Dan make the jokes because he gets to set the boundary.

I think the comment about doors was like, an agreed upon message. Almost like a press release statement lol I think they talked about it and decided that was the messaging. Especially since they referred to it in the mukbang 2 video.

Anyway that's just my interpretation. Hope that makes sense. I love scrolling through your theories! I'm the same age as Dan and I've been a phan since 2010 so it's nice to see the phantom come back more mature and kind that it was before.

(x) sorry for taking so long to respond to this! i think that is a really good interpretation of it, yes! one which i hadn't thought about at all

a counter-proposal re: how phil would've been happy with them being out as a couple long before, would be that phil is generally quite a private person and the stuff he shares with us on amazingphil, when he's acting purely on his own instinct and isn't interacting with/playing off of dan, is anecdotal but not necessarily revealing about himself as a person or his life. and i feel like he's quite professional in that way, that he shares what's pertinent to him doing his job well ie comedic stories, but doesn't go beyond that.

we also know that for the longest time he didn't actually feel the need to talk about his sexuality online at all because, as you said, he had already been out to some people in his life for a while by then and (a) thought that he was happy the way things were and (b) didn't really think it was a big thing that needed to be addressed on his public platform. but we know from COTY that part of why he was making it was so it could help people who might need it, and we know from his opinions in hindsight that actually coming out online DID make a difference in how free he felt after all. but perhaps, his relationship with dan was not something that could HELP people in any obvious way, and at that point it might have seemed irrelevant to him anyway from a freedom of expression standpoint because dan was hardly online/was hardly going to be online with him anyway. so he might not have felt the need even then to be transparent about them as a couple.

tl;dr - to me, phil comes across as a generally private person even if we're not talking about his relationship with dan, so he MIGHT not have found it relevant for them to be out as a couple before anyway.

but that's all speculation to do with the past! as things are now, if they actually have agreed to hard launch and are leading up to it, i totally see your POV and am inclined to agree with it! it seems to fit with what we know of them as people and as a pair, that phil would allow dan to set and push the limit as he's comfortable with it, because phil is the one who would be more chill/indifferent about it/what they share about it either way.

that was all just me thinking out loud though!! i don't have the answers, obviously, and i haven't kept up with dnp as closely in recent years as a lot of others around here have, so i'm def open to hearing other opinions :)

(also thank you! i love talking to people about their theories too. it's always v insightful and interesting! and i agree that the golden era of dnp and the phandom is now; overall i feel like there's a lot more to learn and gain from the experience of being here now vs before!)

[coinandcandle]

Hello, I'm the anon who asked about reading recs! I did respond back right away, but since you just asked for asks, I get the feeling Tumblr ate my ass 😄. In case it did, here it is again:

I'm trying to get my footing into witchcraft in general. I'd really like to start practicing, especially anything nature related, but I truly know nothing more than what you'd get scrolling through the tumblr tag. So I'm supposed I'm looking for a good starting place to learn my history around the practice (I know "the practice" is an incredibly broad way to describe it. But I don't know enough to be specific. I suppose anything that could give me a foundation to build from?) and something(s) that could help me dip my toes in for the first time. I've been watching everyone else swim in the pool for years, but I've never even touched the waters.

To simply put it, I'm trying to figure out the very beginning steps of witchery. I know I described everything broad and vague, but I don't really know enough to be more specific 😅

(if Tumblr didn't eat my ask and you haven't responded to my ask for any other reasons, no worries! I'm certainly in no rush)

Omg hello! No tumblr didn't eat you but I was waiting on some responses from friends who I asked for reading recs and my draft box DID eat your ask lol. Thank you for following up with my ADHD-addled ass!! <3

The good news is to start you just kinda jump in. I'm not saying throw yourself into the deep in but you can get your feet wet pretty easily.

Unfortunately during my beginner years most of the published books available were heavily soaked in Wiccan ideology which is absolutely not my vibe and not something I think people should start out with since there's a twisted history to it that you have to unwind but I see why people are attracted to it--it's structured in a way that solitary practice isn't.

I found my start online, honestly, then followed my gut to see where it took me next. All that said;

Here are some recs from me and my buddies:

Magic in the Middle Ages by Richard Kieckhefer (History)

Cunning Folk and Familiar Spirits by Emma Wilby (History)

Popular Magic by Owen Davies (History)

Grimoires: A history of magic books by Owen Davies (History)

Curse Tablets and Binding Spells from the Ancient World by John G. Gager (History)

The Crooked Path by Kelden (Traditional Witchcraft)

13 pathways by Daniel Schulke (Occult Herbalism)

A Deed Without a Name by Lee Morgan (Witchcraft)

Of Witchcraft and Whimsy by Rose Orriculum (Witchcraft)

Grovedaughter Witchery by Bree NicGarran (Witchcraft)

Queering Your Craft by Cassandra Snow* (Witchcraft + queer)

Condensed Chaos by Phil Hine* (Chaos magic)

Outside the Charmed Circle by Misha Magdalene* (Witchcraft)

Sacred Gender by Ariana Serpentine (Witchcraft + queer)

Kitchen Table Magic by Melissa Cynova* (Witchcraft)

*Queering Your Craft and Kitchen Table Magic are that they both feel more basic, Condensed Chaos is more of a "102" type book for chaos magic specifically, and Outside the Charmed Circle is strongly Wiccan in influence but brings up some very interesting topics and ideas. (Note from Jasper)

Make sure to keep an open mind and take no one's word as law when it comes to witchcraft and magic. Take in the information and come up with your own conclusions based on your experiences! :>

Thanks to @windvexer , @stagkingswife, @jasper-pagan-witch, and @rose-colored-tarot for help with the recommendations!

Feel free to comment or reblog with your own suggestions!

[swordfright]

do you have any c!awesamdream fics recomendations?

Honestly, I don’t have a ton of recs. c!awesamdream fic is mysteriously hard to find, and I also wouldn’t want to recommend you anything super E-rated in case that’s not your jam. Personally I’ve had more success searching the Sam & Dream gen relationship tag than the slash tag. That said, here are my no-brainer recs, most are gen with some exceptions:

inosculation by @theminecraftbox - canon compliant, reflection on how their relationship progresses during the prison arc, how c!sam’s authoritarian tendencies bloom in pandora, and the weird symbiosis he and dream achieve. technically not a slash fic but like it is To Me!!

saltwater on rock by @elmhat - also not technically a slash fic but it is a fun exploration of their relationship post-prison: who are they to each other, now that they aren’t prisoner and warden? what power has dream reclaimed, what power has sam ceded? or is it the other way around? fun stuff.

the trees deny themselves nothing by @lookinghalfacorpse - if you’re asking for recs you’ve probably already read this one (it’s basically THE awesamdream fic at this point) but i think it lends itself to re-readability! and if you haven’t read it: dream loses his leg in pandora, phil n techno conscript sam to make him a new one after the jailbreak, things get interesting. OP also wrote a post-fic oneshot which you can read here.

everlasting evermore by @elmhat - incomplete atm and also not slash but definitely awesamdream vibes. sam is a sad widower king who interrogates dream in his dungeon so it scratches the fantasy itch. this fic does some cool things with the cloning lab lore and i’m really excited to see where it goes!

21 steps in the desert by @airrec - banger. it's short so i won't describe it in detail. banger tho!

scream eureka by @cgogs - basically a post-canon domestic horror fic, sam and dream are married (with a kid on the way) but neither of them is able to move on from pandora. this fic deals with issues of bodily autonomy very well and it’s also refreshing to see trans pregnancy handled with tact, rather than treated like a fetish or a joke. IIRC this fic is an AU of an AU so be warned, it does come with like 30 pages of background lore which isn't necessary to understand the fic but does make it easier to follow.

all these lives by @lookinghalfacorpse - reincarnation drabble, plays with sam’s obsession in fun ways. not really sure how else to describe this one but i reread it sometimes! it’s good!

you don't have to be like that by @dr3amofagame - incomplete, i haven't reread this one in a while but i remember enjoying it at lot! dream gives sam the book in a moment of desperation and then has to navigate the fallout.

accident by @airrec - another fave. concise, fucked up, and very well written.

i’ve also been working on a multichap awesamdream fic (am i allowed to rec my own fics??? is that too cringe??) that’s gonna be wrapping up soon. pandora's vault gains sentience, that's the whole plot. like most of the other works on this list, it’s not technically ship fic but it is very much about sam and dream’s...situation. full warning tho, it’s long and rambly and weird, sorry for that!

i also wanna add that pretty much any fic that explores the scrapped lore is gonna have to deal with awesamdreamisms by necessity, owing to the nature of, well, the lore. there's a decent amount of fics about it, here's one that I found recently and enjoyed a lot.

Have fun, mind the tags. And if you find more then by all means, feel free to add to this post! I know there's a lot of tumblr-exclusive content floating around out there that can be harder to find than stuff on AO3.

Also, it's worth mentioning that some of the most compelling c!awesamdream content I've read were brief interludes in fics about much broader subjects in the fandom; I've read a lot of great c!awesamdream moments in c!rivals fics, prison trio fics, c!dnf fics, etc. So my advice is to cast your net wide, if that makes sense? Happy reading!

[icyfox17]

New tag game bc I'm bored

List 5-10 of the most obscure crossovers you have floating around in your brain !!

1. Dumbass!crimeboys x halcyon!crimeboys

-> arguably the most obscure since it's a crossover between two aus that aren't even posted publicly, but i gen adore it sm<3 db!crimeboys is a hero au where tommy is just. Welp. A dumbass<3 he's my fav tommy ever guys 😭😭 he's my friend's au and I just SOBS most precious guy ever... And halcyon crimeboys is a detective au. Basically take the dumbest tommy and tired older brother Wilbur and make them meet the smartest crimeboys. It's very silly:))

2. Psych x Dsmp

-> okay hear me out. Hear me out. Shawn Spencer is literally Tommyinnit. They are the SAME. Now Phil as Chief Vic, Techno and Wilbur as twin detectives who both function as Jules and Lassiter (platonic ofc), and Tubbo as Gus. It fits way better than it should 😭😭

3. Critical Role (specifically Mighty Nein) x Dsmp

-> guys. Guys. I went on a rant on here like a year ago BUT CADUCEUS AND TECHNO'S CHARACTER DESIGNS ARE EERILY SIMILAR TO EACH OTHER. Tall pink dude w animal traits (cad is more cow, tech is more pig)? Cad is like c!Phil and c!Techno to me... (Is it bc of the tea obsession? Maybe...). I just also think that clingyduo would get along with Jester and Nott/Veth like a wildfire. OR OMG FOOLISH-- Does anyone remember Foolish building dick statues everywhere?? Yeah, he's definitely a follower of the Traveler.

4. 911xMCU

-> okay ngl guys this just came 2 me bc I realised that everyone calls Bobby Cap like how all the Avengers call Steve Cap and I was like lmfao imagine a scene where someone says Cap and they both respond to it.

5. Cw Flash x Pjo

-> okay this isn't my idea but it's one of my fav fics ever WHY DOES IT WORK SO WELL LMFAO

6. Spider-Man x Dick Grayson & Wally West

-> PETER IS LITERALLY DICK AND WALLY IN ONE PERSON 😭😭 SUPER SMART SCIENCE BRAIN + SILLY GOOFY + ACROBATS they're the same. I need them to meet so badly sobsosbsosbsosvsosbsosbsisbsjs Not sure which versions of which I just. Need it. Pls 😭😭😭

7. Justice League Unlimited x Young Justice (tv show)

-> This one has its own separate post here, but omg it makes me SO UPSET GUYS 😭😭😭

8. TMNT x Batfam

Okay not obscure bc they have had both a movie and a comic BUT HEAR ME OUT. SPECFICALLY THE 2007 MOVIE VERSION OF TMNT. This scene is literally Dick and Jason I can't do this guys WHY DO THEIR COLOURS EVEN MATCH

9. Dceu!Bruce & Barry x MCU!Irondad

-> okay my mental illness is full blast here but omfg they are the same duo THEY ARE THE SAME I need them to swap sons for a day plspslspslspspspdlfkfdishskdfjdksklaskd

10. Any vigilante au Tommy x Spider-Man

-> this is hidden in my notes app and is both like my own version of Tommy and Spidey but omfg I'm attached it's such a fun idea to play around with rahhhshshshss. I have a scene where Tommy and Spidey have a miscommunication over Blade lmfao and it lives rent free in my mind. Like Blade is a vampire but does NOT dress the same as Technoblade who might also secretly be a vampire in Tommy's universe lmfaooo

Okay and Bonus One that literally no one will understand except me

11. Magnum PI remake x Orphanduo (Techno and Skeppy)

-> Katsumoto is literally Technoblade guys. THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. And omfg Magnum and Higgens are so happy duo ngl 😭😭😭

OKAY THAT'S ALL FOR NOW YIPPEE

Tag time :D

@sammiekel @jiksvokrat @cristalmystery @ghosts-and-blue-sweaters @sleepdeprivedofmycorn @sunflowervc @angrilydancing and anyone else who wants to join in!!

[batrachised]

I'm rereading Emily's Quest and Ilse/Perry's romantic resolution is hands down one of my favorite parts of the whole entire series, what are your thoughts on them together and the complicated love square between Emily, Teddy, Ilse and Perry?

you can't see it, but I'm throwing back my head and laughing maniacally, for o poor innocent anon - I do not know if you are aware and you might be, but this discussion happened several months ago and I learned (while having the time of my life) that people have strong and conflicting opinions on Emily of New Moon. Never have my lm montgomery posts gotten so much traction. I'm more than happy to talk about my thoughts here, but if you're looking for more, I suggest searching the emily of new moon tag on tumblr or on my blog. (Poor Teddy did not fare well, let's just say that).

Ilse and Perry's relationship is a really sharp contrast to Emily's and Teddy's to me tonally. Although this isn't necessarily reflected on the individual level, I feel like Ilse and Perry's is defined by this activeness/aggression, and Emily's and Teddy's is defined by this passiveness. Ilse and Perry get into fights; Teddy and Emily ignore each other for years. Ilse verbally attacks Perry to his face because she's too proud to admit she loves him; Emily ignores Teddy's whistle and ices him out. This doesn't necessarily trickle down to the character level (I would not describe Emily Byrd Starr as a passive and quiet person lol), but squinting at the relationships, these are overall impressions.

In this neapolitan ice cream mix of personalities, you get so many different combos. (Ilse/Perry, Ilse/Teddy, Emily/Perry (he wishes)..the list goes on). I love how you describe it as a love square, because it really only stops short of Ilse and Emily dating each other, and even then, their friendship plays just as a significant a role as the actual romantic relationships. It would be as if in Anne, Phil did decide to go for Gilbert because well, Anne has repeatedly said she's not interested. That would layer their relationship in an entirely different way, and that's what happens with Emily and Ilse. It would also give us a different impression of Gilbert, choosing to date one of Anne's best friend after expressing romantic interest in Anne repeatedly.

I think the love square kind of fits Emily's tone as a whole - Emily's books don't have the innocence - or perhaps a better word is earnestness - that Anne's do. That friend group is messy. Ilse knows Emily likes Teddy but goes around with Teddy, Emily knows Ilse likes Perry but Perry is in love with her, Teddy is in love with Emily but still choose to date Ilse...it's less a square and more a three dimensional rhombus that's caving in on itself. (floating somewhere in this stew of hormones is dean too, to make matters all the more complicated)

As for each individual couple - your ask didn't ask this, and it's already been discussed at length (see first paragraph) so I'll limit my thoughts on Teddy and Emily as It Would Have Been Nice if Teddy Talked, At Least Sometimes. We barely see them interact, and it weakens the pairing in my eyes considerably.

All the more because we have this passive conflict right next to Ilse's and Perry's very active one, although that's usually seen at a narrative distance (ie through Emily referencing it in her diary). I think Ilse's and Perry's romantic resolution suits them very well - Ilse is someone who has had free reign to do what she wants her entire life, who was neglected then spoiled rotten, and who is temperamental to say the least. Her leaving Teddy at the altar to flee to Perry's bedside is completely in character for her, along with her needing a wake-up call on the level of death haha. It's suitably dramatic and over the top for someone who is very dramatic. It also neatly embarrasses Teddy, who, if my memory serves, needed some emotional walloping at that point as well.

The thing about Ilse and Perry though, is that almost all of their interactions happen offscreen. Their fights, reunion, and married life all happen off screen. In fact, both the 'endgame' couples are marked by this. You get more interaction between Perry and Emily than Perry and Emily, and really, it almost feels like you get more interaction between Teddy and Ilse than Emily and Teddy. I love the Emily books, but they do leaving me wanting more in that respect, especially because these characters are so compelling. I want to read the scene where Perry who is half conked out in bed sees Ilse in all her bridal glory crash through his hospital room door! I want to read more than the 1-2 conversations we get between Emily and Teddy! It's interesting, though, because a lot of what we do see is narrated by Emily in her diary; in a way, Emily is telling her own story to us as she sees fit.

[factorialsotherfandoms]

*siiiiiigh*

Look I promise today's prompt was going to be cute, I swear to high hell it was. And no, this isn't going to be anything like canon, and yes, I don't care fix is for silly ideas and aus and dreaming.

So anyway today, instead of nosebleed, I'm writing alt prompt: begging. Spoilers for 22/12/23 streams~

TW: temporary major character death, possession, grief, suicidal thinking as a result of said grief, self harm

(Read all the way to the end for a happy ending still)

"Please!" Philza screams. "Please, give him back!"

The others at Spawn look nervously between them. Their weapons are still raised, their tempers sharp, unable to quite process that whatever is controlling Forever will not use his totems.

Philza pays them no Mind, gives no quarter to their words. Ugly sobs tear through his voice, tears dropping onto the moss and cobble that makes up Spawn. He cradles Forever's head in his lap, shields him with his body even as he runs fingers through white hair and begs a miracle from the sky.

Forever - the parasite within Forever - laughs, his whole body shaking as black blood spills from his lips and from the gaping wound in his chest.

"How quaint," the monster laughs. "Even now you still can't accept what's been done."

"Fuck off!" Philza turns down to look at the monster corrupting his dear friend's skin, snarling even as tears continue to pour. "Fuck the fuck off and give me my fucking friend back!"

"Ah but little bird," Forever's chest strains in a cough and corrupted blood splatters over Philza's cheeks. "Can't you see he's already dead?"

Philza leans further down, pulling his hands from white hair to press against the wound. There's only more gasping, cackling laughter as he bows his head and let's a few sobs pass. "No, no..."

"Let him go, Phil," a gentle hand hovers near his shoulder. "He might respawn yet - just let him go."

If Forever wasn't allowed to use a totem, Philza doubts he'll be allowed to respawn; he slaps the hand away and turns his eyes back to the heavens.

"Rose!" He screams. "Rose! Help me! Please!"

She's only promised to aid him and his children, though - Philza knows this, knows that so far across the worlds she must be weak.

"Please," he sobs again, quieter now. "Please, I can't loose him... I can't..."

The tears are no longer sobs, now just silent torrents dripping from his face. The hand comes back, resting on his shoulder as he cradles Forever's possessed, dying form, and rocks himself.

Someone strokes Philza's wings, and he almost - almost relaxes. But then there's hands on Forever- hands trying to pull him away - and he screams again; he throws himself forwards, clawing at whatever would try steal his friend.

The monster in Forever's skin laughs, but laughs as though it can no longer breathe.

"She'll help!" He begs the people around him to understand. "She- She promised... She'll help..."

Because no matter what, if he loses Forever, Philza doesn't think there'll be anything left of himself for Rose to save.

---leave off here for ambigious ending. Continue for things getting worse, and then better---

The laughter beneath Philza's chest ceases, Forever's corrupted body falling still. The form that had been taunting him goes slack, tension against pain falling limp.

Philza is intimately familiar with what that means.

Philza knows death in all its forms.

Philza turns to the heavens, and screams.

It is not the screams of before, not a begging, not a plea, not a blind hope within the world. It is a scream born of anguish, of a splintering mind, of something once great and terrible carved open and laid bare. The abyss yawns before him, the void open and wide. Once he'd skim its surface, dancing and laughing and free - now he seeks only it's embrace, the oblivion which it promises as a final, lonely embrace.

The spectators turn away, or watch, Philza doesn't know - he just screams and screams and screams, helpless to what is happening, helpless against the shattering of an already fractured mind. He thinks he might see Rose's frowning in the grass around his knees - too late, too late, too late, and he would curse them if he had the throat left to form words at all.

But he doesn't, and so he screams.

The darkness fades from Forever's body only now, only too late. It trickles into the earth, corrupting instead the concrete beneath Forever.

The moss beneath the pair of them remains pristine.

Someone tries to pull Philza away - he hears Etoiles say something about an explosion - but he refuses. He refuses, he refuses, you will carve him from Forever or you will not seperate them at all. Bury him in the grave beside his confident, burn him on the pyre with his friend, leave their bodies entangled and deep and dark their remains.

Tubbo and Fit will look after his children - they don't need a broken husk for a father, after all.

He bends all the way down, now, pressing his face to Forever's chest. The blood there is red, red, red - still trickling from his back, but only as gravity pulls it away. Philza pays it no heed as he presses himself as close as he can.

Distantly he is aware of people being shepherded away, of whispers around him - it's a curse, it's a curse that even now his mind notices the movements, the threats, keeps plotting to keep him alive.

He doesn't want to live, not in a world without the sun.

He doesn't want to live, but his chest keeps on heaving anyway.

He doesn't want to live, but suspects he might be forced to anyway; hands peel him from Forever and force him against a solid chest, and this time he is powerless to stop them.

They let him keep Forever in his lap, at least, now cropped blonde hair bloody and draped across his thighs. His own black hair is stroked, and what can he do but continue his sobbing against Fit's chest as the world caves in?

The world remains suspended in time, a frozen mess only beating by Philza's sobs and tears. It drags and it shifts, and he is too far gone to recognise the vines which reach up, entwining around his limbs.

It's only when he hears the waystone that he looks up.

Blue eyes meet brown, and Philza throws himself at Forever.

Even after a respawn fuck only knows where Forever is weak, so weak. They both tumble to the floor, Philza's quick twist putting himself below the only thing saving Forever's head from the grown.

"You bastard!" His throat is too raw to scream, his sobbing back with full force and distorting everything he says. "You fucking dumbass! You- You- You fucking idiot why did you tell me you were okay?!"

"Hi Philza," Forever's words are rote and his smile is confused.

There's footsteps, heavy footsteps, and a potato canon pointed at the pair.

Philza twists again, shoving Forever behind himself, protecting him come what may.

"Sorry, Forever, but just need to check. Clothes off, and we need to see you bleed."

"Fit!" Forever struggles the full laughter or fake scandal, seemingly too weak to do more than lean against Philza's back. "I didn't know you were into that!"

Philza hates the option, he hates it so much, but Fit's right, Fit's absolutely right - they need to know.

"It's okay," Philza keeps his body between his friends, tears still quietly pouring as he cups Forever's cheek again. "I'll help you."

The "and all I needed to do was die" isn't nearly as obnoxious as either of them want it to be.

Gently Philza helps Forever strip. It's cold, and he shivers, and there's ugly burns on one shoulder and and ugly death-scar on his chest, but not a hint of the black infection from before.

The buttons on Forever's clothes are too complicated to easily redress him. Philza slips off his haori, and wraps it gently around him. Tucks the belt in an approximation of tied, and pulls Forever properly into his arms.

"Blood too," Fit says. "I'm sorry, but..."

"No, no, I understand," Forever whispers, even as Philza hisses.

He scrapes his hand through filthy gravel, tearing the skin in an absolute mess; Forever bleeds red, and Philza grabs his hand, already pouring a splash potion on it and picking out the gravel.

He can do this, he can do this, even if it's all he can do.

Behind them, Fit takes photos, a d relaxes.

"I'll let the others know," he promises. "Why don't you two get somewhere warm, eh?"

"I don't-" Forever begins.

"Let me show you somewhere special," Philza says. "I think you'll like it."

Even in the depths of hating himself for things he cannot help, Forever has never been able to say no to that.

The children are asleep in Rose's Garden. Philza won't wake them now, and especially not with Forever in tow. Now yet - reintroductions... they'll get there, they'll get there, just not today.

But the children are in Rose's Garden, and so the nest is free.

It's a little exposed, but the hay is warm and the blankets and pillows and clothes that make it up... And it's so far away from anywhere, so far from anyone who might panic and hurt Forever before there's been time to spread the news.

It's also home.

Philza will have to put Forever back on the bunker's allow lists, but in his heart he knows Forever will always be welcome in his home.

[etoilesbienne]

I’m not sure if you have ever watched Philza outside of the qsmp but Etoiles reminds me so much of Philza when he was partnered with Technoblade. Phil and Etoiles really strike me as characters who are perfectly capable of thinking on their own and being strategic in battle but they prefer to have a trusted leader to command them so they’re free to just cut loose. Phil was like that with Technoblade on SMPEarth and Etoiles seems to be the same way with Phil on QSMP.

i started watching techno during minecraft monday LOL ive seen the antarctic empire live.

however i think my disagreement here isn't necessarily that etoiles is phil, q!etoiles is like... instead of the more chaotic neutral c!technoblade was, he's chaotic good. same underlying components of their skills and abilities and self deprecation joking, but if instead of technoblade's more true maverick that walks along likeminded people approach, etoiles is like directly running around people to hang out at their paces even if his own is much faster.

[sarahjacobs]

punk jack? how would it affect the story of newsies if at all? do you have headcanons about him? ideas?

im still in the process of refining his playlist, but jack is a folk punker through and through to me. i love folk punk to bits and always return to it despite listening to a little bit of everything punk, so im biased, but it makes sense to me. i mean, it's pretty country sounding due to having similar instruments and taking cues from country, blue grass, folk, etc -- we can keep the cowboy vibes that way (very important)

plus the subgenre originated from folk singers who were heavily enmeshed in organizing against fascism and war and for worker rights (one singer, phil ochs, concerned the fbi so much they had a 500 page file on him). folk punk today has carried forward a lot of these same themes, of leftism and a struggle to make a living, of wanting to get the hell out of where you are in search for something, somewhere better. i know that this kinda sounds like a description of punk as a whole, but these themes feel especially prevalent in folk punk. additionally, it's pretty tongue in cheek and usually sounds upbeat, but there's a kind of sadness, anger, and hopelessness that permeates its lyricism

and all of this is fitting for jack, as the first to call for a strike and a possessor of a rebellious streak a mile wide. who wants to leave for santa fe so he can start anew, and has a happy go lucky, bullheadedly optimistic exterior, but is deeply cynical at his core -- thinking about the lyrics to santa fe, "we was beat when we was born," and the 91 script in which jack says, "last year [roosevelt] was a hero. this year, he's a politician." he may seem like an idealist, but he certainly holds no illusions about how the world operates.

as for politics, i can't see him getting too into the weeds of theory, just because he's someone who prioritizes action above all

that being said, i can easily see jack being motivated by anarchist ideals of direct action and anti-authoritarianism (well, more specifically, anarchism is anti hierarchy of any form, but jack's status as strike leader complicates things for me). after all, in the movie, he doesn’t campaign directly to roosevelt or some other authority figure to deal with pulitzer for him, he just… goes and does it himself, and the tactics he uses are pretty real as hell -- forming hard picket lines at the circulation center, destroying newspapers because they’re the property of the world, going to break crutchy out of the refuge, etc. jack even sings, “even though we ain’t got hats or badges / we’re a union just by saying so,” which seems to point towards a general disinterest in going through official channels

if we’re lifting the beats of the backstory provided in canon and placing it onto a modern au, i think he’d be most concerned with mutual aid, particularly food, and prison/police abolition. so for praxis, there's a whole lot of stuff he could do. make connections with unhoused people and give them the food out of his fridge. distribute free meals and/or groceries to people (to be clear, not a soup kitchen or another charity service, food not bombs and punks with lunch are by far the most common mutual aid orgs i see). writing prisoners and organizing to get them books. doing jail support, as in setting up in front of jail and waiting for people to get released so you can offer them comfort, food, clothes, and/or a ride home

and jack's definitely not against actions that are either dubiously legal or outright illegal. so yk, stuff like blockading an intersection with your own body, a car, or stuff that's laying around like rocks or traffic cones. graffiti. hell, even providing free food to the public without a permit isn't really allowed and can get you harassed/fined/written up by cops or other officials

im going to cut it short here bcuz this is already pretty long. if you read this far. hi :-) i didnt talk fashion so all i can offer is this little sketch of jack

i can't really see him with the stereotypical 'Punk Look' with the studs and spikes and leather jacket n all. imo he'd be pretty lowkey overall, most of the patches he has are pretty utilitarian in that they're usually placed to cover up a stain or tear. i dont think he'd modify his appearance much in general, at most he'd get his ears pierced, and even that was scary enough for him. he went with david for emotional support and squeezed david's hand so hard it went numb </3

[8-rae-rae-8]

#I think you are... #Feral anon

you are correct hehe (sorry, i keep forgetting to put my signature at the bottom of my asks sometimes :(((( )

I totally agree, Shepherd is cunning and would probably be the type of person who'd rather leverage things over people instead of using physical violence. He also knows how to manipulate and gaslight...which is probably how he convinced Graves to let him co-sign ("C'mon Phil. Be realistic here, soldier. You ain't immortal. You'll die out there on the field and without you...who'll be there to take care of your shadows? hm?") He uses his ability to manipulate to his advantage and isn't afraid to blackmail/threaten Graves when Graves even plays around with the idea of resisting an order. ("Listen here mutt. You even think of back stabbing me, I'll cut your pay off for an entire year, you here?!") The stress of not only keeping himself but his shadows paid was enough to make Phil Shepherd's good lapdog...but it also makes him breakdown and impurely regress a lot. Also loving the idea of Angry Graves + Angry Papa bear Price?? imagine them teaming up in order to get lamb back from Shepherd,,Graves doing is because Simon has been nothing but kind to him since day 1 and feels the need to return the favor anyway he can. Papa Price doing it bc no one makes his little ones cry and get away scott free (and yes, by little ones he's unofficially adopted phil ) -Feral Anon (also if this sends multiple times im so sorry, there was an error sending the ask :( )

NO WORRIES ANON !!!!

You're so right, and I love the way you've written the dialogue !!

It feels very accurate

Shepherd literally has tried to manipulate, gaslight, and probably more within the games. Like MW2, mwii 2022, mwiii 2023... He's tried it !!!

And because Graves already worried about those things, it probably would get to him quite a lot and make him end up letting Shepherd cosign even if it wasn't his original plan !!

Oh I know, Price would go for the throat. Graves would probably want to make Shepherd suffer first, but let Price take over. He trusts them now, more than ever.

[isa-ghost]

do you have hc's for death duo?? if you just have more q!phil hc's i would enjoy them as well!!

Previous qPhil headcanons

YES HELLO these took me a hot second, I wanted to do Missa justice bc the fandom tends to just reduce him to nice wet cat in love with Phil. Unfortunately he gets on so little, I don't have a lot more than that to run with, so what you see is what you get and they're more Phil-POV'd. 😭

Also these are platonic bc you asked for Deathduo rather than Pissa!

Listen man. Missa's place in Phil's silly polycule? It's not strictly romantic (if at all) and not strictly platonic, it's a secret third thing. I don't hc Phil or Missa as aro but what they've got going on is def smth some aros would enjoy. The best way to explain it is Kiss The Homies. Except there's a massive crush on Missa's end.

Phil loves doing literally everything with Missa. Exploring, egg care, goofing around, whatever. Quality time and gift giving are his love languages no matter the type of love. He just loves hanging out.

Phil can do no wrong in Missa's eyes. He's this amazing (and very pretty), smart, caring and powerful guy. He cares so much about people, how could he possibly do wrong? Missa is the #3 Philza Minecraft defender (he concedes that Chayanne & Lullah are #1 and #2).

Missa doesn't understand the whole Bolas thing but he's happy it seems to make Phil happy. He thinks? (The word he's looking for isn't happy, it's manic /lh)

Being away so often sucks, but Missa loves coming back and getting stories from Phil. ... The good ones, not the [lore] ones. Those scare him.

They love exaggeratedly rping nuclear family to tease Chayanne. Holding each other making kissy noises like OoOoH MiSsA I LoOoOvE yOu! OoOoOh PhiLzA I LoOoOvE yOu tOoOoOo! And then Chayanne starts (lovingly) hitting them

The rare times Phil is doing something that doesn't require him to move around, Missa gets a free lap pillow. Phil's good at playing with hair, Missa knocks right the fuck out

And Missa likes putting little braids n stuff in Phil's hair. Actually he looks damn good with those little side ones tbh.

There's something funny about the Angel of Death and a reaper being so close. When the kids are asleep, they swap stories about Missa's past reaping jobs and Phil's,, adventures

Speaking of Phil's past, Missa hasn't doubted him for a single second about what little of the hardcore gods Phil has shared with him. El Ender King es una pequeña perra. >:(

Actually he REALLY wants a full-on lore dump from Phil. The stories sound so fascinating. He wants to know more.

One of Phil's favorite things about Missa is how easy to startle he is. Missa screeches never get old.

Dependable as ever, Phil is the first one Missa goes to when he's missing information or scared. Phil always has answers and he can always protect him!! (*is heavily implying angst here, no Phil can't :)*)

Usually it happens when Phil is 100% alone but he does genuinely get a lil depressed when he misses Missa badly. He wanders to distract himself

Idk man if I was Missa I'd get a little 😳 seeing Phil spattered in blood after a battle where he obliterated whatever the fuck it is he's up against. Scary crow man being a badass motherfucker and then his bloodied ass's first question is if you're okay?? HOO. Would not blame Missa for acting unwise about it

[guckies]

about people being upset about how Bad gives a ton of stuff and never gives anything in return, it’s definitely something you’d only really pick up on and be upset about if you watched his pov a lot. Yeah people are being kind of dramatic about it, but a lot of people in the server (in rp of course) seem to only seem to think of him as the guy who gives them things or the guy that was awful in purgatory (when in reality he genuinely wasnt much worse than a lot of other players)

I think it’s similar to how foolish fans constantly talk about how people (again only in rp) call him a bad father, when in reality it really doesn’t happen that often, and as far as I know it’s always just been jokes. Like of course fans are gonna be dramatic about the things their fav streamer goes through, even if those things aren’t super evident to someone who doesn’t watch them often.

it’s really just a difference in perspective, but if people talking about how they’re happy Bad isn’t giving things away for free as much anymore is bothering you that much, you can always block them

I genuinely don’t mean to come across as aggressive or hating on you or anything, I just saw your post about it earlier and wanted to talk about my perspective 👍

It wasn’t that they were upset, rather they were using it as justification for Bad to have a villain arc (which imo is lazy and there are way better reasons or ways for Bad to have a villain arc).

As well this “struggle” is not exclusive to Bad. Like during the cookie quests arc, Morning crew were the ones that put most of the extra items or mobs there for everyone. Especially Phil who had a lot of ingredients and stuff they needed that he did gave even on days he didn't stream. But there are so many instances in which people give for free and don't recieve acknowledgement.

I totally get being happy that Bad isn’t giving everything away for free, been the same with the ccs I watch too. But calling Bad the only good guy for doing that and saying he needs a villain arc over something so stupid that no one asked him to is questionable. Especially when it was/is not exclusive to him and their are so many cooler ways for him to have that villain arc.

But also I'm not saying y'all shouldn't be happy about Bad not giving stuff because I also am happy he's not giving stuff away for free(personally love watching the struggle people go through looking for things). Rather just not give him this massive praise for it when it is universal experience they all face. Cause my increased annoyance is with some fans more specifically ghosties who act as if their cc is the only one that experiences these "problems" or just don't watch anyother pov so instead amplify the "problems" that don't exist or affect everyone.

And I get what you’re trying to say with fans being dramatic because some of them really are. However, it’s definitely not similar to Foolish getting called a bad father at all. Since doozers had to make a whole thread that we still refer to now to infrom people that have never watched Foolish & Leo clips ever and just hate Foolish and believe that Foolish is a bad parent over the jokes Bad or Fit have made. (Which we are so sick of because how is it 9 months in and we’re still discussing Foolish’s parenting which has been nothing but good)

Also not going to talk about purgatory because to me he was a bad guy and should have faced lore consequences for some of the stuff he did but that is neither here nor there so ✋🫥🤚

But yeah I already do block people for things I just don't agree with but also I like talking about things that include criticism so if people don't agree with me then I encourage them to block me too. Also thanks for being nice about it, cause this isn't really the biggest deal for me but I do like the discussion of these things sometimes :]

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

When I got home from my trip to the UK this year, I felt like it was oddly freeing. For the past year, I was stuck in a certain set of circumstances. I'd got my time off work approved for my UK trip, so I could stay in this job, I could get a school job with summers off, and that was it. Anything else would risk being in a job where I couldn't get those 2 weeks off for my trip.

But once that trip was over, I realized I was in a position where I could do anything. I've been thinking about trying to move to another province, maybe. At the very least, I finally have some freedom and over a year of experience in my current job, that means I can start looking for stuff that pays more than the low wage I make now. I thought this was a good thing, so I'm not going to book any further trips right away, even though all I want to do is go back to the UK. I have the opportunity to properly sort my life out, I have to take that first.

...So why did I book nine nights in an Air B&B in Edinburgh in August 2025 a couple of weeks ago? Okay, first of all, it's fully refundable. I've committed to nothing here. I only had to pay half the price upfront, the other half isn't due for ages, and I get all the money back if I cancel any time until July of next year. So I'm still not locked into anything. And this way, if I do find that I sort my life out well enough so I can get back to the UK next year, I won't get stuck paying the exorbitant accommodation prices of someone who's not planned ahead for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. For the 2024 festival, I booked my Air B&B in November of 2023, and got six nights. In early September of 2024, I booked an Air B&B in a similar location, for nine nights, and the total cost of that was less money than the total cost of six nights this year. More nights for less money, because I booked earlier. You have to book early.

Especially next year. I booked my stay from August 15 to August 24, 2025. Because when I checked in early September, I found that accommodation in the first half of August was already a write-off. Those nights in any remotely affordable hotel or Air B&B, including the place where I've reserved my own stay, was all booked up by the time I checked. Because Oasis is playing in Edinburgh during that week.

I do find it slightly funny that people are so concerned about these little nuances of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, as though it can't all be taken out by one well-placed pop band. While I was in Edinburgh for the 2024 festival, I read an article that complained about there being too many people there who were too successful to need the time and space there. I mean, I read multiple articles that complained about that. But I read one article in particular that complained about how the 2024 festival involved too many "Perrier winners from 2006", which particularly annoyed me, because Phil Nichol wasn't even there. Phil Nichol won the Perrier Award in 2006, but, okay, I understand that their complaint about "Perrier winners from 2006" really meant they didn't want people who were successful during that whole decade. To which I would say, the 2024 Edinburgh Fringe Festival had, I'm pretty sure, only two Perrier winners from all of the 00s. Tim Key (2009), who only did a few nights. And David O'Doherty (2008), but if you think there is any situation that's not improved by more David O'Doherty, then that's your own problem.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. To take a few examples of the variety in fame levels of acts I saw in 2024: too-famous-to-really-belong-there Nish Kumar, three-nights-in-a-big-room Kiri Pritchard-McLean, fast-rising up-and-comer Jin Hao Li, successful-online-comedian-with-not-much-live-profile Stevie Martin, latest MICF winner Sarah Keyworth, cult favourite Laura Davies, debut solo hour Caitriona Dowden, been-on-TV-one-time-for-ten-minutes Ed Night, Aussie hit Dan Rath, too-famous-to-really-need-Edinburgh-for-a-place-to-tell-us-about-cheating-on-his-wife Mark Watson, 2019 Perrier winner who's not seen it turn into a TV career Jordan Brookes - it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who any of them are, which ones are a little bit ahead of, or behind, the others. They could all be crushed like a bug, in an instant, by the guys who did that Where Were You While We Were Getting High song. Even the people who are successful in live festival comedy - it's still live festival comedy. None of them are bigger than pop music. The whole Fringe Festival might be fucked next year because of one single pop band.

I genuinely admire people who have strong principles about wanting to support independent artists, and to protect the artistic integrity of something that's meant to be for emerging and undiscovered talent. I do have respect for that point of view, even though I saw both halves of Wumar at the Edinburgh Festival last month, because I'd paid a hell of a lot of money to fly across the ocean, and I couldn't do all that to not see my favourites. But I understand and sympathize with the people who think that any fringe festival should be for the underground, not for established acts.

I understand that, and I see their point and why they weren't pleased about Mark Watson being there this year. But also, there's nothing like a well-placed pop band to put it all in perspective. All these acts are merely ants to the Wonderwall Boys, who have no reason to give one fuck about anyone's principles.

Anyway, I did reserve that Air B&B a couple of weeks ago. I really want to be able to say that having nothing booked frees me up to focus on my real life at home instead of just working for the next chance to spend 2 weeks in a fantasy world across the ocean. But none of it feels all that worth it if I haven't got at least the potential of the fantasy world across the ocean to look forward to, in case I'm able to make it work again.

[mysteriouslypalecollective]

I found a really old fanfiction I wrote about the dream SMP more specifically C!Tommy. And I wrote one chapter so here it is

===============================

Found family

This story starts off with a boy named Tommy. He is a blonde boy with curly hair and a white streak. His hair was long and put in two small spiky pigtails in the back. He wore a big comfy blue sewn sweater with a ruined red and white shirt peeking underneath it. He had long baggy tan pants. He had a devil tail peeking beneath his sweater. He had small red horns. His face was covered in scars and on his cheek was a smile.

“ELLLO?” He called out his tone was a bit weak and scared. The voice that answered was not recognized by the young boy. The voice shouted “hello” . It almost sounded like a young adult. The boy was startled and jumped. He then looked at the person "Who are you?” said the blonde boy.

“Hi, my name is Wren. What's your name.”

The person now known as Wren was a young adult presumably female but it was hard to tell they were reasonably tall they had a bandana over their hair and it looks like little goat horns poking out from underneath they had go to ears and hoofs which were nicely paired with a with cargo shorts and a cardigan a yellow cardigan with a black t-shirt underneath.

The blonde haired boy quickly tries to think of a fake name “My name is…Uhh…Umm. My name is…Uhh, Jack.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you Jack,” Wren said with a smile.

Tell me was cautious he has to be cautious he gone through so much already he couldn't risk it after dream killing him bringing him back to life having people portray him in going through wars and going through so much he couldn't risk meeting a stranger in them taking advantage of him he was just so tired and so sick of it and didn't know what to do. He missed his parents but his parents had been nothing but garbage to him ever since he was born. Philza had treated him well but those are now distant. Having to kill his own son was brutal and traumatic for the entire “family”. But now he couldn't go to phil, he couldn't go to anyone they were either dead or were betraying him or had replaced him entirely, he was just alone and he didn't know what to do and he didn't want to open up to a random stranger at least not immediately, he didn't know them yet.

“Are you planning to kill me?” the kid bulleted out

Wren immediately steps back very surprised by the sudden question

“Why on bloody Earth would I do that!” they responded in shock and also slight fear.

“My bad…I have just had some…not so great experiences with people and I am a bit…um…you know.” He shrugs and looks away. “I've been through shit.”

“Are you going to therapy like, at all?” Wren asked, quite worried about this kid's mental health and physical health at that matter.

Tommy nodded, explaining how he goes to Puffy's for therapy whenever she is free. But most of the time he bottles of his emotions and doesn't burden them on anyone else unless they pri.

“I'm glad you're going to therapy but please “Jack” don't bottle up your emotions. It's a stupid way of coping and it doesn't work. It just leads you to a bad mental state where you fall apart, not a fun time.”

Wren does this whole little speech on how bottling up your emotions is bad and you should talk to people you trust and she just they just kind of get into the zone on talking about this mental health issue and Tommy's just there watching it listening and realizing that this person is genuine and probably isn't a piece of shit.

Tommy sighs, takes deep breath in and decides to tell them about all of the not very fun things that he's done and he's had to go through and just tell someone because if someone's going to go throw this trouble until you why you shouldn't follow up your feelings you have to make them regret it by trauma dumping.

“Well…um…you see….”

The boy sighs and mumbles.

“I’m a child soldier.

“Oh honey, “Jack” I'm so sorry”

“No need to apologize…” He says quietly. “The worst has already happened to me…nothing worse can happen…”

“That’s what I tell myself at least…”

“It still means you went to shit that's not good like that's rough and really sorry you had to go through that and are still going through that” Wren looks over at the boy with empathy and compassion, desperately wanting him to have a good childhood and wanting to give him a good life.

He shrugs and smiles awkwardly.

“Well…it’s my life.” He mumbles and sighs.

“Not much I can do about it…I just…it is how it is I guess.”

“Can't you just leave?” Wren asks

He laughs and says. “Where am I going to go? I have no money, no education and no way out of where I am.” He chuckles and shrugs. “You think people would just let an orphan child soldier just get away that easily?”

“You could pick a direction and just keep going, find a nice spot where you have access to fresh water and Good soil and start making a home. I guess I don't know. You just shouldn't need to go through that shit, just leave that to the adults you shouldn't have had to go through that. You shouldn't be going through that when you're a kid it's not okay” Wren tries to convince him to just leave this behind and get a good life free of pain.

“So you want me to make a home alone in the woods? And what? Eat berries?” He laughs nervously and shakes his head. “First of all, I don’t have the survival skills to live off of what I can find around me and second of all, I am still wanted by the army. I was not supposed to get out and they are looking for me.”

Wren looked at the blonde haired boy with so much desperation and love and just wanting him to be okay Wren had barely known the kid and they'd already got an emotional attachment to him.

As Wren stared at Tommy, Tommy stared back. Tommy didn't take Wrens staring as a threatening thing more as a vague interest. Tommy was starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable with the staring thing, he felt like Wren was looking at him and trying to pick apart his trauma and how his brain worked. Almost like a science project that no one bothered to finish.

“Umm are you ok with hugs? It's fine if you're not. I don't want to set off a trigger or anything. I just thought that you might have wanted one.” Wren explained

The boy shrugs. He doesn’t mind not getting hugged.

“I appreciate it anyway…uh…can you promise me one thing?”

“Sure, what do you need me to promise?”

“Can you please not tell anyone where I am?” He is serious and seems to be begging.

“Of course, I'm not going to tell any of the information you tell me to a third party. I know I sound like a government official or something but like I swear I won't tell us all unless you want me to because I don't want to make your life worse.” Wren explained.

The boy smiles. “Thank you.”

Then he seems to be thinking of something.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure what is"jack”?”

“How old are you?” The way Tommy said it was very abrupt and to the point it was not jumping around the topic it was very direct and immediate in the way he said it it was slightly drawing to Wren but they did appreciate the forward nes.

“Oh, umm 20-21 ish. I kind of stopped keeping track a while ago." Wren says this with a smile and a shrug.

“Hmm…” The boy thinks.

Then he asks with a serious tone.

“Did you have a normal childhood?”

“Well damn straight to the important questions it is then my gosh. Not that I mind it just shocking how forward you are. But all in all yeah I would say I had a pretty good childhood compared to yours. Because what you went through is horrible and I'm really sorry.”

“Can you…can you explain what it was like?” He asks. “I don’t understand what a normal childhood is supposed to be like….” Tommy looks sheepishly to the ground trying not to make eye contact and more interested in my feet now because hooves.

“…I can't… I don't it's hard to describe what a good childhood is like it's complicated all childhoods are different and what you may see is good can also it's everything's a mix that and no matter if you have good or bad there will always be ups and downs of the best I guess the best way to have a good childhood is least what my childhood at least I had to parents loved me and it was nice then there was other things that can't control like non-family people and illnesses and there's always things that will make something shity and will endorse trauma or a bad memory at least there's never a perfect child there's better ones but yeah at least kind of want my childhood was like if that made any sense.”

As Wren says this they start to tear up a bit just thinking about all of the shit that the kid in front of me had to go through for his childhood damn he's still in his childhood the things he's going through just broke wren's heart.

The blonde haired boy just nods kind of taking in what Wrens saying and also kind of not his family is chaotic and messy and not necessarily blood and it's just hard to relate for him so he's just kind of sitting there for it standing there trying to take in what he can and understanding what they're saying. He thinks back to Phil and what it was like when they were all together with Wilbur, Phil and techno. It was nice and his eyes but nice it was comfortable not necessarily perfect but comfortable he missed those days he missed when everything was comfortable not necessarily perfect but he didn't always fear for his safety and scared as he could shot in the heart with an arrow or blown up or beaten to death again. he missed those days. Then he thought about mothers. He had never known a mother, at least not a mother who cared about him enough or one that stuck around long enough.

He sighs and smiles and says.

“thank you for the insights….. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure!”

He seems a bit nervous and whispers.

“What’s…um…a normal relationship between a mom and a child is supposed to be like…?”

It's it's kind of like you look up to them and they look up to you and it's kind of this weird sense of loving both ways of and you can get upset at them but they stop and talk you through what's happening and you have each other I am sorry about the bad explanations”

Wren starts to tear up a bit again.

The boy seems a little shocked by their answer and stares down at the ground.

“I never…I never had that. My parents were…not the best to say the least. I probably should be more specific I do mean my birth parents not my family”

The boy sighs and asks. “Do you think my parents loved me…”

Wren was cut off guard by the sudden question. they were more trying to process the thing that they said before about not having great birth parents but then this kid hit them with that bombshell! When the two were shocked to speak for a second just trying to compute all of the information that they had just been given.

“I-i don't know your parents so I can't make a good judgment on their character. all I can say is did you feel loved?”

Tommy shakes his head looking at the ground.

“From the little bit I know about your birth parents I don't think they may have loved you but it didn't show through and so and if you're not in touch anyway you should give them any time of day it's your childhood was shity and I'm sorry that you had to go through tons of trauma and are still going through more things. I'm so sorry because it's shity and you don't deserve that.”

The boy looks down and mumbles.

“Thanks…”

“Do you want a hug?” Wren offered

The boy pauses and then looks up at you.

“Yes…please…if that’s okay.”

Wren open star arms in an embrace with a warm smile on their face.

The boy walks into the hug.

He was shaking a little bit.

“Thank you…”

“You're welcome kid.”

He starts to sob a bit.

“I…I thank you…this is…really comforting…”

“You can stand my arms as long as you need. Can I ask you a question?”

Tommy teary eyed Wren's shoulder muttering something along the lines of “yes” through his tears.

“Is Jack your real name? Or is that just the name that you picked so you wouldn't have to tell me your real one?”

The boy goes silent. After two quiet seconds he says.

“No…Jack is not my real name….”

“Can I know your real name or is that too much?” Wren asked.

The boy looks at them with a bit of fear before quickly shaking his head “No…I…I can’t tell you.”

Wren sighs and then and then says “that's okay I'm here for you.”

His shaking slows and he mumbles.

“Can we not talk about my past anymore?”

Wren just nods not wanting to pry into the child's trauma.

The boy sighs and says.

“Thank you…uh…and thank you for letting me hug you…you are very comforting.”

Wren starts to sway while holding on to him trying to lull him into sleep.

The boy closes his eyes.

In a soft voice he mumbles.

“I like this, I've never had this before not for my parents or anyone really”

Wren just continued to sway, basically rocking him into sleep like a baby. thinking over things whether to say stuff or not eventually they decided to ask something.

“Hey kid, do you want a new parent?”

______________________________________________________________________

Tommy stops. There was a long break after that