#i think this is more of a character study than actual fluff or romance but the fluff is THERE IF YOU SQUINT

[revasserium]

Hi rain, how are you today? take care of yourself, okay. May i please request prompt 88 for kita? Hope you're doing good, and if you're okay with the request. Thank you, have a great sunmer! Xoxoxo

hq reqs are open u__u

88. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

kita; 1,857 words; fluff and that's it -- happy bday kita-san! <3 may your rice harvest be plentiful this year!

“what does ‘beauty’ mean to you?”

it’s a question you’ve pondered, your skin smudged dark with charcoal and lead, your fingertips always ash-bitten, but sparrow-quick and just as flighty. when your art teacher had posed the question to the entire class, you’d been taken by it, held still by the vastness and the implication.

the first time you see him, you see him in brushstroke and paint, and it’s hard not to, what with his hair the exact imitation of an ink-dipped brush. but you see him in still-life and in motion studies, in the hard marble of renaissance sculpture, in the soft effervescence of impressionist painters.

beautiful, is your first and only thought.

but you are of the quiet sort of artists, the ones who, like truly dedicated nature photographers, have mastered the art of camouflage so well that rare birds and animals will crawl right up to their cameras. you are an expert at blending in, whether it be into the back of a classroom or simply to a park bench along a busy stretch of road to watch the street vendors hawking their wares, the tourists with their wide eyes and wandering gazes, always so unsure, the parents and children and businessmen in their ill-fitted suits.

you are of the quiet sort, and you’re content being as you have always been. but quiet artist girls don’t usually suddenly manage to find the gusto to talk to the beautiful boy who also just so happens to be the captain of their nationally ranked volleyball team.

it’s just not the sort of thing that happens.

until… it does.

“ahh… a model?”

you nod, your eyes flickering passed kita’s expression of tempered confusion, your fingers worrying themselves in the hem of your skirt.

“y-yes… it’ll only be for about an hour or so — and it’s on a day when you don’t have practice —” you frown at a fraying thread in the corner of your uniform and resist the urge to tug it till it unspools across the bright, paneled wooden floors of the hallway, cast brilliant in reflections of afternoon light. like this, kita’s face is lit up from below, his skin inked in orange and yellows. like this, he is nothing short of incandescent.

“sure. it’s no trouble.”

you nearly slam yourself into a bow of thanks, promising that you’ll find some way to repay him for this, turning on your heels and nearly galloping to the empty classroom where you spend most of your afternoons, sketching for your portfolio.

you run so fast that you don’t see kita’s lips twitch into the beginnings of a smile.

you don’t see the dark amber of his eyes track your form all the way down the stretch of hallway, till you turn and are lost to his sight. you don’t see him standing there for a long moment after, listening to the echo of your footsteps as they ring against the walls.

he arrives at the after school art club a bit early, intent on doing his due diligence, and he’d taken care to shower early that morning, to make sure this uniform is pressed and neat and tucked in at all the right places. he arrives at the art class to find the room bustling with activity, and the history teacher smiling at him genially from the front of the classroom.

“ah — kita-san, welcome, welcome. and thank you again for agreeing to model for us today.”

kita drops into a short, sharp bow before his eyes slingshot to you, sitting behind an easel that’s easily almost as tall as you are standing up. you’re busy with your supplies, but there’s a practiced nature to your movement as you methodically pull out all your paints and brushes, your charcoals and inks. it reminds him of himself when he’s in his element, on the court, or collecting all the scattered balls from around the gym after a good, hard practice session, pushing the cart, dragging the long mop across the wax-wooden floors.

you pause and look up, your eyes meeting his, and immediately again you duck behind the large easel. kita bites down a smile, makes note of the tight, tingling feeling in his chest and reminds himself to address it later. he tucks the thought away as he turns back to the history teacher as he begins to explain the specifics of being model for a day.

you peer out from behind your easel as kita turns away, the weight of his eagle-eyed gaze no longer pressed to your skin — like a pair of sun-warmed stones, they sit round and smooth and right and you’d felt them flicker over the rest of you before coming back up to rest on your face.

class starts and for the first time in your life, you find yourself hesitant to put pencil to paper, to dip your brush in ink and watch the darkness seep into the waiting canvas. you stare at kita, who is standing with a hand tucked into his pocket, the other resting by his side, his face turned at a 45-degree angle, looking for all the world as if he were in engaged in a phantom conversation, listening intently.

“1-minute poses please,” the history teacher says and kita bobs his head in a brief nod as the timer starts.

and this time, you don’t miss it — the way his eyes swipe towards you, lingering, lingering, and then he’s gone again.

you suck in a breath and nearly upset a jar of black ink coughing as it catches in your chest. flushing deep and hot, you mutter a soft apology to the people sitting next to you as you begin to draw.

it is mixed medium, so you pick a few of your smudgiest charcoals and set to work, your arm lissome and fluid as you sketch out the contrasting lines of kita’s face, his arms, the bend of his calves, even within the loose-fitted slacks of the school uniform — you can see their strength.

another blush threatens to overwhelm your cheeks as you squint at the page, eyes flickering up at odd intervals. and once, twice, three times, you catch him staring straight back at you. the air between you fizzles with unspent static electricity and you can’t help wondering if it’s all in your mind.

but of course it is, you think to yourself as the first half of the drawing sessions draws to a close and everyone stretches sore arms and stiff legs in their seats, chair legs scraping against the classroom floor. you frown down at the mess of sketches peppering your sketchpad. it isn’t until you feel his presence next to you that you finally lift your head.

“you do beautiful work.”

you gulp, blinking up at him. his face is gilded gold from the setting sun and you feel your breath soften in your chest.

“it helps to have a beautiful subject.”

you want to swallow back the words almost the second you say them, but then kita is laughing, a light laugh, a warm happy laugh. and you look back up to find him smiling. it’s a brilliant, beautiful thing.

“well… thank you.”

the second half of the drawing session is a reclining pose, and you pick pastels for this, rendering him in soft colors and even softer lines. except for the deep amber of his eyes, the ink-dipped tips of his hair. time shifts itself around you and before you know it, the session is ending. and everyone is packing up to go.

you finish packing your art supplies to find kita by the door, his eyes downcast at his phone screen, but when he looks up to find you watching him, he offers you a smile, pushing himself up from the doorframe to the rapidly emptying classroom.

“th-thanks again for agreeing to this…” you say as you both head out into the darkening hallway.

“i had a good time,” he says, and you think this is the most you’ve ever heard him speak.

the quiet stretches, taffy thick between you as he walks you to the school gates and you turn towards him with another shy smile.

“maybe… you could do it again sometime?”

kita cocks his head.

“if it’s alright. i’d like to.”

you nod, pleasure twining up your chest till you can almost taste it on the tip of your tongue.

“i’ll talk to takigawa-sensei again and i’m sure he’d like to have you back just as much as i —” you cut off with a hiccup, realizing how much you’d said out loud and judging from the small grin tugging at kita’s lips, he’s not hard of hearing.

“ah… so you spoke to sensei first about me modeling?”

you have to physically fight the itch in your arms, to bury your face in your hands and perhaps press your back to the school’s red-brick wall and hope that it swallows you whole.

“i — well — he was asking if we knew any — anyone who’d be good and i — i immediately thought of you…”

“immediately, hm?”

there’s a soft iambic hum to his voice that washes shivers down the length of your back, like stepping into a hot shower after a day spent out in the cold.

“sorry… i should’ve asked you first but…”

kita shakes his head, brushing a strand of hair from his eyes before tucking his hands into his pockets.

“you live down that way, right?” he tips his chin in the direction of the street behind you.

nonplussed, you nod. he readjusts his school bag on his shoulders and starts to walk.

“c’mon. i’ll walk you home. it’ll be dark soon.”

you stare after him for a solid ten seconds before stumbling into a jog to catch up to him, chewing down a smile that breaks over your lips anyway.

“so,” he says, letting his eyes slip towards you for a second before he focuses back on the road, “when did you start drawing?”

“i… i’ve been drawing as long as i can remember… ever since i was old enough to hold a pencil…” you take a breath and kita waits. you breathe out and let yourself smile.

“i think i’ve just… always been attracted to beautiful things… and i want to take them and keep them for myself, y’know?”

kita nods, once more casting you a side-long glance, “yeah. i know the feeling. quite well, actually.”

he doesn’t tell you that like this, with your cheeks washed in a delicate blush, either from the cold or something else, your jacket pulled high over your untucked school uniform, your thick, thigh-high stockings offsetting well-shined shoes he thinks that you’re nothing short of beautiful.

[vagabond-umlaut]

summer collapsed into fall

summary: gojo satoru has no favourite colour. he feels no need nor interest to have one, either. pairing: gojo satoru x reader [unspecified gender] tags: slight undertones of teacher-student relationship BUT there is NO ACTUAL romance between them; can this be called pining? idk; character study like fic of our sweetest satoru *cries* he deserves sm better; fluff but with a mild serving of angst; wc 0.8k notes: fic title inspired by a quote by oscar wilde; fic inspired by this lovely post i saw on pinterest; jjk isn't mine; loosely related to 'you make my heart flutter and fibrillate'; tumblr hates me using dividers hence the new fic format ^_^

satoru doesn't really have a favourite colour.

it's never quite crossed his mind. and even if it has, he has never seen it to be important enough to allow it be anything more than a passing thought, a meaningless thought---it is not like his life will be impeded should he not have a favourite colour, nor is anyone ever going to ask him what it is, so why bother?

but now, as you peer up at him expectantly, having already listed your top five favourite colours and why you love them so, satoru wishes he did bother back then.

he decides to feign confusion.

"what?"

"what what?" you shoot back, eager gaze not wavering one bit, "i just told you my favourite colours; aren't you gonna tell me yours? it's fine even if you have just one, sensei."

but is it fine if he has none?

throwing his watch a quick glance, he turns back to you. then exhales a quiet sigh, tired but the farthest from annoyed, when he sees you're still waiting for his reply... shutting the bus window beside, he turns to lean against it, shifting to face you properly.

and sighs, decidedly noisier this time, "this isn't the type of questions one asks their teacher, y'know? they are too casual, meant more for a friend than for a teacher."

"you got to be the last guy to lecture me about etiquette, sensei," you retort without missing a beat, huffing a quiet, amused laugh.

"and after the time i had to bring you to ieiri-san after you passed out from drinking a bit too much: i guess we're a bit more than a teacher and a student, aren't we, sensei?"

not really... no.

while satoru believes your first point to be a debatable topic, he does not think the two of you are anything but a teacher and a student, no matter how much help you extended to him or will in the future---it's not like he isn't grateful, though. he is; he really, really is---it's just his belief that few acts of kindness do not necessarily cause a friendship between people, and he intends to tell you this very clearly---

but finds he cannot. he simply cannot.

not when you say, still so eager but with an undercurrent so achingly soft that even the strongest wonders if he can handle its weight: "i'm not that bad a friend, y'know---you can ask others if you want; they'll tell you i'm a good friend, not the best but a decent one---"

"why don't you guess what's my favourite colour?"

rude, yes, horribly so. satoru knows, he knows this very, very well. but what can a man do but divert when he's being unsettled by words like the ones you addressed to him, by the tenor you employed for him---

although now that he observes you consider his suggestion, the man wonders if diversion was the right tactic or not.

he could have just lied and told you any random color. he could have chosen to be honest and told you he has no favourite colour like you and probably the rest of the world have.

but no, he doesn't.

satoru does not opt either of the above two painfully simple, painfully easy options. choosing instead to ask you to guess what his favourite colour is... satoru never really anticipates he'll end up being this much more unsettled, thanks to his decision of diversion:

if there was a subtext of a haunting softness in your manners before, the sorcerer reckons it is the text now, typed out in bold letters then underlined and highlighted in neon---you too shift to face him, even moving the bag kept in between to your lap and shifting a bit closer, but still a respectable distance away---only to punctuate your effort with a keen stare, much too gentle, at him.

it's scary, he thinks. yeah, undoubtedly scary. but somewhere in the back of his mind, something says it's also comforting.

many eyes look at satoru throughout the day. they gape, they gawk, they study the man and every small aspect of his person with many different kinds of reasons behind them. but before today, there has never been anyone who has regarded him with this much care, that too for a nonsensical cause like yours...

he wonders, just what are you seeing in him?

just who are you seeing in him?

"it's orange, isn't it?" you exclaim abruptly, leaning a touch forwards with a snap of your pointer and thumb. voice too loud. smile too big. eyes too bright, way too bright---

satoru takes not even one whole second to decide:

he now has one favourite colour.

[buckets-and-trees]

Big Conversation

Title: Big Conversation Characters/Pairings: Bucky x Millennial Female!Reader Word Count: 1100 Summary: Sequel to Desperate, Uncertain and Sure, and Insatiable... Life keeps moving forward, and so does the relationship that has completely turned around between you and Bucky, including how that will look now in your shared workplace.

Content/Warnings: fluff, new relationship feels

Author Notes: Week five piece for @buckybarnesevents Hot Bucky Summer - the prompt was "We're..." with friends with benefits, exes, and enemies to lovers as options - and ticking off teasing for me to catch up on January for Build-a-Bucky Bingo.

You were so immersed in studying the map and interpreting the data points on your screen with Conor that you didn’t notice the hush that washed over what was a typical hubbub of noise outside your office, or else you might have guessed someone with A Name in the agency had hit the floor.

Instead, it was the decisive knock on your doorframe that brought you out of deep concentration.

When your eyes clocked the Winter Soldier there, a warm smile split across your face. “Sergeant Barnes! Is it already eleven-thirty?” you asked, glancing down at your watch.

“Nearly,” he replied, smiling back, but you noticed it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Eyes that were scrutinizing the man standing just over your shoulder.

“Bucky, this is Conor Sullivan.”

“I’m the director of the digital media analysis team,” Conor said, his Irish accent more pronounced than usual, and instead of straightening, he maintained the stance he’d adopted to look over your shoulder at the screens.

“I’m an Avenger,” Bucky offered.

You bit your lip to keep from giggling.

The posturing energy in the room was painfully palpable.

“We’ve been looking over the latest social media trends, crossing referencing that with reports we’re getting from some of our agents, and the leads Joaquin has been pursuing in Eastern Europe. The activity of the Flag Smashers is absolutely heating up again, and there’s some definite indicators that some potential leaders of the group may be circling in Tirana.”

“I look forward to the briefing – it’s always gratifying when a hunch my team has turns out to have traction,” Bucky’s words were slightly stilted. “Maybe we put something on the books for after lunch. Do you think your findings will be ready by then, Sullivan?”

“More than enough time, Barnes,” Conor responded.

“Even without this analysis mastermind?” Bucky asked, gesturing to you. “We have a date with HR at eleven-thirty.”

“A date?” Conor asked.

“Sorry,” Bucky quickly corrected, “I meant to say meeting.”

You tried to discreetly put your hand to your stomach to hold in the laughter. This was too much.

“We have a meeting with HR to officially disclose our relationship status,” Bucky further explained.

“Oh, I didn’t know,” Conor started, abruptly straightening.

“Of course not, you’re working with one of the most consummate professionals around, she’s never been messy in the workplace.”

“Not true,” you interjected, your cheeks heating slightly. “I used to be fairly passive aggressive and petty towards you.”

“But you did it in a way that you somehow always maddeningly remained above actual reproach,” Bucky said. “We’re one of those classic enemies to lovers romances for the ages. What do they call it now? End game? Like Taylor and Travis.”

You tilted your head, but you did not risk looking at Conor.

“Taylor and Travis?”

“Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce,” Bucky explained. “There was no animosity for them to overcome, but the true love, end game thing.”

“I… should let you get to your meeting, then,” Conor said, some reticence in his tone.

Bucky came further into your office and Conor passed him on the way out.

Bucky squared his shoulders and didn’t relax his intimidating gaze for one second, but Conor was formidable in his own right – only an inch shorter and with maybe twenty pounds less of muscle, the charming, blond, Irish man didn’t pass for someone who you’d expect to work the office side of things in this building.

“You used to date that guy?” Bucky asked two beats after he’d gone, a boyish, smirking grin on his face as he turned back to you.

“Two dates,” you reminded him, “only two dates, and it was more than a year ago.”

“What kind of name is Conor Brady? Could he be more Irish?”

You laughed. “Your names is James.”

“But I go by Bucky,” he countered, reaching out a hand.

You stood and stepped right up to him, twining your fingers with his. “End game?” you changed the line of post-encounter questioning.

Bucky tugged you close with the one hand, and his vibranium hand came up to cup your cheek. “We haven’t said it with those words, but that enemies wave we rode out? The ordeal just outside of Paris? The past six weeks with you since then? Unless you’re not convinced, I’m all in for the long haul.”

You pressed up on your tiptoes and kissed him in a blazing, euphoric heat. He returned the kiss, circling his arm around your waist while still keeping your fingers twined, and pressed your soft body against his chest.

You could kiss this man for an eternity, but you did finally press him away. “End game for me, too.”

“Yeah?”

The smitten smile on his face made you want to close your door and get to much more than kissing. The feelings that shone through his eyes made your heart swell.

“Yeah,” you affirmed and delivered a quick peck.

Everything with him had always been intense, strong, deep feelings. Now that they were rooted in care and affection, it only made you more sure every day since you’d finally broken down the walls and defenses that had been there before.

“That possessive streak looked good on you,” you teased, but he grinned.

“You like knowing you’re my girl?”

“That’s why we’re declaring our intentions to HR,” you said. “Now let’s go make it official, and then maybe I’ll show you in the back of your car just how much I like it.”

“Damn,” Bucky groaned, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead briefly to yours. “I’m holding you to that.”

You kissed him again, just one more time.

Then you giggled.

“What?” Bucky asked, echoing with a half laugh.

“You really said enemies to lovers?”

“You loved it.”

“And Taylor and Travis?”

“You know I was there next to you when you were scrolling through video after video of London night three last weekend and then Dublin this weekend. I’m invested in them now, too. I can appreciate a man who unapologetically loves his woman.”

“Bucky,” you breathed, heart aching and swelling for this man. He smiled and pulled you out of your office, and you followed happily. He was everything, gave you all the shades you’d hoped to find, someone who was proving to be a true other half, and you couldn’t wait for the days and weeks and months and years ahead and all the ways he’d make you laugh, make you melt, and sometimes both at the same time.

We've come a long way from their start in Desperate, but I just... want them to be in love and happy and get to have fun moments now. I can't help it! 🫠

↠ NEXT PART: Too Hot

↠ Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

[seventeenreasonswhy]

Super Shy ~ A JWW School-Life Romance Pt. 1

Star Athlete!Wonwoo x Shy Wallflower!Reader

Jeon Wonwoo... THE Jeon Wonwoo is... paying attention... to you!?

~1.1k words

Series content: fluff, first crush plot line, school-life anime vibes, slow burn/yearning, some light angst, classmates to friends to lovers, fem reader, reader is ~*super shy*~ and has low self-esteem, reader is kind of bullied (?), sweetie pie Wonwoo, appearances by Choi Hansol and more!, all characters are in high school so no explicit content (but probably kissing eventually).

My Masterlist

Author’s note: Eeeee! I’ve been watching a lot of school life/romance anime these days and here we are lol. Wonwoo is so first love-coded I couldn’t help myself! And I needed something to distract myself from the pain and sorrow of Jeonghan enlisting. This is just part 1, but we’ll see how long this goes! hahaha. Thank you for reading!!! LMK if you want to be on the taglist 😊

Taglist: @yeoberryx @clownprincehoeshi @soffiyuhh @wonwoos-wineparty @hamji-hae @junniesoleilkth @seokqt @haniinah @yangtyunhannie @cherrylovescheol @iIIucere @lukeys-giggle @cookiearmy

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

Despite the lingering winter chill, the time had come for the baseball team to start their pre-season training.

You didn’t know this because you were particularly fond of baseball. You (and everyone else in school) knew this because every morning a crowd of girls could be seen clinging to the chain-link fence surrounding the baseball fields.

There was only one reason why they gathered out there so early and in the freezing cold: Jeon Wonwoo.

Jeon Wonwoo was the star of the baseball team in the spring, the star of the track team in the summer, the star of the soccer team in the fall, and the star of the basketball team in the winter.

And everyone... everyone was in love with him.

Or, at least, that’s what it seemed like to you.

Spring came so fast, you thought as you shuffled your way to homeroom. You always got to class early since you didn’t really have friends to meet up with beforehand, and you didn’t play any sports. Your whole life existed within the path from your bedroom to school, only ever deviating to your parttime job at your uncle’s convenience store on the weekends, or occasionally to the library to study.

You glanced out the window to see the crowd of your classmates (not to mention girls from the grade below you and the grade above you) watching the baseball team’s practice game. You were impressed that they got up so early just to watch a practice.

Jeon Wonwoo was in your class, and you had technically spoken with him exactly one time. But still, you didn’t think you could say you’d ever had a ‘conversation’ with him.

Earlier in the year, you had been tasked with collecting everyone’s homework. He had been chatting with the guys seated behind him.

“Um,” you’d squeaked, barely audible, “... Excuse me?”

He had turned to you, looking directly at you through those dark, feline eyes. You could tell right away that they were the eyes of someone with effortless magnetism. Even you felt your face get flushed when they were trained on you.

“Uh, your homework—” was all you could muster, unable to meet his gaze.

“Oh,” he said, turning to rummage in his bag, “sorry about that—thank you!” he smiled as he handed you his assignment.

He seems nice, you’d thought.

And that was the extent of your interaction with Jeon Wonwoo. Months had passed now, and his seat was on the opposite side of the room from you.

And even though you wouldn’t like to admit it, the moment had stuck with you...

The smile on his face, the way it... sparkled?

You chalked it up to being the moment you really understood why so many people in school were obsessed with him. He was more than just handsome and a top athlete; he was actually really nice. Or appears nice... you’d remind yourself that you didn’t really know Jeon Wonwoo. You didn’t feel like you could say with certainty what kind of person he was.

He wasn’t the most outgoing guy in your grade, but he attracted a lot of attention. You’d never seen him exchange harsh words with anyone. You couldn’t imagine handling that kind of spotlight. You saw girls talk to him and flirt with him all the time—giving him gifts, following him to the cafeteria, passing him notes in class... he was always super nice to anyone who wanted to talk to him, but apparently he’d never reciprocated anyone in the school’s feelings. Sometimes you wondered whether he already had a girlfriend or not.

Someone like him is probably dating a model, you assumed.

Class was about to start, and people came pouring in one by one. You continued to stare out the window, until you felt a tug on your school blazer.

“Hi, Y/N!!” it was your classmate, Chaeryong. She sat in front of you. You weren’t really friends, but she was nice. You were kind of surprised that she approached you.

“I’m sorry to ask, but do you think I could look at your homework from last night?”

“Oh,” you said, coming back down to earth, “Sure.” You pulled your notes out and handed them to her.

“Thank you!!” she said, “I owe you!!”

She took her seat in front of you and started copying down your homework. You knew that it wasn’t right, but you also didn’t care that much if other students copied you. It wasn’t like you’d get in trouble or anything. Even the teachers tended to overlook you. A blessing and a curse at times.

“Your handwriting is so neat, Y/N!” Chaeryong said. Then, the girl who sat next to her asked to see your notes... and another boy from the row in front of her... until eventually, it seemed like the entire class was copying your homework.

“Uh,” you started to interject as yet another classmate asked to see your work, but right then, Jeon Wonwoo and Choi Hansol from the baseball team came in, both of them emitting a post-practice glow and completely disrupting the vibe.

“Ah, Wonwoo! You were going crazy at just a practice, I’m so impressed!” the guy currently clutching your notes turned and said to Wonwoo. You’d gotten out of your seat by now, and were about to reach for your work...

“Oh that was nothing,” Wonwoo said with a casually cocky grin, “what’s that?” He pointed at your homework with his chin.

“Oh, this is Y/N’s homework,” the guy said, “she’s letting me copy.”

“Um,” you said, starting to panic. I never said that!

“What?” Wonwoo said, his tone incredulous. “Do your own homework! Y/N, you don’t have to let this clown copy your work.” His tone was much sweeter when he spoke to you, making your stomach turn inexplicably.

“Aww, Wonwoo! Don’t be like that!” the guy whined.

“Do your own homework next time!” And he snatched the notes from this guy’s hand.

“Here you go,” he said softly as he handed you the notes.

“Th-thanks,” you said, feeling completely flustered. You all but ran back to your seat. Maybe he is really nice, you thought.

“Man, bad timing,” another girl giggled, “we already got to copy Y/N’s notes.”

“Wait, how many people are just copying Y/N?” Wonwoo asked, but the room didn’t answer—instead shuffling off to their respective seats, continuing their own pre-class banter. Wonwoo looked across the room at you while you tried to crawl inside your own skin out of embarrassment. He almost went over to you... but he saw the look on your face and decided against it.

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 14

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.

there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers

word count: 35K (🫠)

warnings: cursing, drinking, jealousy, mutual pining, sexual tension, intense making out, dirty talk, mature content, sub! hyunjin, references to fingering, mentions of the word cock, dom! hyunjin, handjob, grinding, dry humping, overthinking, references to anxiety and therapy, slight confrontation, opens with a flashback

a/n: thank you for being so patient with me, and this story! i worked a lot for this chapter, and its very pivotal to the rest of the story, in terms of hyun and yn. in fact almost 80% of this chapter is just them. i hope you love it. its very longg so please grab a blanket and snacks before sitting down to read it ;)

i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

summer of 2015.

“Do you know why those stars are called Cassiopeia?” 

The constellation was more visible than ever tonight — made up of five stars, it almost looked like a Queen sitting on her throne, in the sky.

It was a real question, because you had absolutely no idea why the constellations were named after Greek myths. You’d read about it, of course, within faded literature pages in middle school, but you’d never been interested in astronomy, so you hardly paid attention.

Staring up at it now, you wished you had.

“Hmm?” He asked, and you realised that he also hadn’t been paying attention, to you.

“Cassiopeia” You repeated, pointing your hand upwards, at the bright stars.

“I don’t speak French, babe”

“It’s Latin…” You told him, “What are you thinking of?”

The sand between your fingers was icky, but once you got used to it, it wasn’t all that bad. The waves rushing over you felt calm. The sea was warm this time of year, and the only thing you had looked forward to all summer was this moment, right here.

“I’m thinking…about how I’d do anything for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now” He replied, as if he’d been crafting his answer with perfection for ages, as if you hadn’t just asked him about the night sky, something completely unrelated. 

You turned your head, cheek pressing into the sand, “Really, Lix? We…just ate”

Felix sighed, still staring at the skies above, but making no effort to actually see anything, “I know, but…I’m still hungry”

It was tradition at this point, for you and Yongbok to run away to the beach, lie down in the sand, and talk about anything and everything in the world, or talk about nothing at all.

He was the one person in your life you didn’t mind silence with.

You rolled over to face him, as another wave washed over the two of you.

He squint at you, “What? Don’t look at me like that”

“Like what?” You laughed, elbows digging into the sand, “The carbonara Hana made was good, Lix. It was her first time making that too, don’t be so harsh on her”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was good, but I just don’t understand why we didn’t let Minho make dinner, as he does every time. You should stop being a kiss-ass to Hana”

“I am not a kiss-ass” You rolled your eyes.

He sighed, and sat up, making you sit up too, knees digging into the wet sand. You fixed the red strings of your bikini, tightening the knot at the sides.

He stopped you in the midst of that action, hand landing on your bare thigh, “Please? Just one sandwich?”

“Why can’t you make it yourself?” You frowned, looking up at him.

“Because…I don’t wanna get up” He hummed, lending his help to you. His fingers drifted upwards to your swimsuit and he tongued his cheek, “You don’t even know how to tie a knot properly. Let me”

You sat back, hands resting on your thighs as he took over. His fingers were cold, making you shiver, and Felix smiled at that.

“Did you even hear what I said?” You asked, annoyed.

He squinted, “About the French chick?”

You glanced back up at the sky, and the constellation that you had been talking of, “Greek. I was asking you if you know why the stars were named after her”

“Maybe she was really hot”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure she was”

He looked up at you, after tying the strings in a perfect knot, “Then they should name a star after you too, Y/N”

“Stop” You laughed, pushing his hand away, “You’re just saying that because you want me to get you food”

He smiled, shameless, “Yeah I am. Please?”

You glanced towards the cabin, a few hundred or so meters away. 

There were no lights on, since everybody else in the house had gone to sleep. Along the rest of the coast, other cabins dotted the beach, of all sizes and styles, lit up and occupied by families or groups of friends. It was a hot summer and nobody liked to stay in their stuffy city homes. 

But the coast was beautiful, and serene.

“Fine” You hummed, reaching over to pinch his cheek, “But you owe me, Lix”

His eyes were bright and you could never say no to him, so you gave in.

“I love you” He sang, as you walked over to the cabin, footsteps light in the sand. 

You took your time, relishing in the cool wind against your skin, occasionally turning back to smile at Yongbok. His eyes never left your figure until you reached the porch, making sure you got there safely, even though it was the safest place in the world.

Soon, this summer would end and you’d be back at school, missing this gritty sand and warm seawater. 

Yongbok’s shirt hung on the porch railing, next to your sweater and you slipped it on over your bikini, before stepping inside. The cabin tend to get cold, even on summer nights like this, so you hugged yourself to keep warm, as you walked through the foyer. 

Your friends were sleeping, and you had to be quiet. Treading carefully, the loud creak of the door still gave your presence away, wooden planks becoming wet with your footsteps.

You blindly fumbled in the dark, finding your way to the kitchen.

The television was on.

It was a little past three, and static noise buzzed through the little house, flashing colours lighting up the living room.

“Hello?” You asked, trying to see in the dark, “Minho?”

A blanket lay on the couch, but whoever had been watching TV had already left, since the remote lay buried in the pile of cushions. Frowning, you picked it up, turning it off.

“Just because Yongbok’s uncle pays for this doesn’t mean we can leave shit on…” You sighed, in the empty room, hoping Minho would hear you. The cabin was small, so even if he was upstairs, he’d be able to hear you. 

Now that the television was off, the entire room was engulfed in darkness again, and perhaps it would have been smarter to just leave it on so you could navigate. 

You weren’t scared of the dark, but you were easily startled. Moonlight filtered in through the windows, and peeking out, you could see Yongbok’s shape against the dark horizon.

In the blue light of your phone screen, you spotted your headphones on the coffee table. You plugged them in, switching to a playlist Yeonjun made as you slipped the headset over your wet hair.

It was silly, that you’d be making sandwiches for him at this time of the day, but you’d do just about anything in the world for Yongbok.

Humming along to your music, you stepped into the pantry, searching for the bread. For some reason, Minho had brought back four different kinds of bread from the local bakery earlier today, and you peered at the labels, wanting to pick one which wasn’t multigrain, since Yongbok hated that.

Whispers interrupted your search, and you stilled in your movements.

“Yongbok?” You turned around, but you couldn’t see anything or anyone in the dark.

It was probably your music that made you hear things, and you turned back to the shelf. 

“There you are” You smiled, spotting the Whole Wheat Bread.

You stepped into the kitchen, packet clasped tightly within your hands and that’s when you saw them.

You stilled in your movements.

The bread unceremoniously dropped from your hands, landing on the musty floor with a thump.

What the fuck?

Across the kitchen island, sat on the two bar stools, your best friend, Song Hana was kissing your other friend, Yeonjun.

No. They weren’t even just kissing. Hana was halfway in Yeonjun’s lap, and his tongue was so far down her throat that this obviously wasn’t the first time it happened. 

Your reaction of surprise wasn’t loud, but it might as well have been like dynamite inside the quiet house because it made them jump apart from each other, turning to face you.

His eyes were wide, as she noticed you in the doorway, “Oh my god. Y/N. Hey”

Hey?

So simple. Hey, I wasn’t just making out with our best friend.

You wish you could have just walked away without drawing attention to yourself, but now they were both staring at you.

You cleared your throat, thankful the dark concealed your shock, wondering what you could possibly say to diffuse the awkwardness, “Uh, I didn’t know anyone was awake in the house” 

“Yeah” Hana laughed, fumbling over her words, “I couldn’t sleep so…I came to get some dumplings”

Your gaze drifted to Yeonjun, and a faint pink coated his cheeks, but he wasn’t even looking at you. 

“Right... Jun?” You asked, making him finally glance up. Even in the darkness of the kitchen, you could prominently see the shape of his Adam’s Apple, as he swallowed, “Yeah, Y/N? Were you at the beach?”

You obviously saw them kiss, but they were hiding it, and there was nothing more to say.

“I…um, I just came to get some jelly, for Felix” You told them, “But…I’ll leave you two to it. Enjoy the...dumplings”

You immediately turned around, because you had to process this - whatever the hell you just saw, because your best friends were hooking up, and this was how you found out?

Hana had never expressed a romantic interest in him before this, what changed? Your friendship was too special, far too precious, to ruin with an impulsive mistake or decision like that.

You would ask her about it later, not tonight. 

You had to get back to the beach, to Felix. 

To something familiar, and comforting, and known and—

—A hand immediately grabbed your arm, stopping you in the corridor, in the midst of your thoughts.

You shouldn’t be surprised that it was him coming after you, instead of her.

Yeonjun was always the one wanting to fix everything, “Y/N, please wait”

He was always the one who never wanted to hurt you.

“Yeah?” You turned around, hoping you sounded as nonchalant as you wanted to, “You can keep the bread. I…I’ll just tell Yongbok we don’t have any”

“You’re hurt” 

Your eyebrows shot up, at his statement, “Hurt by what? The sandwiches weren’t even for me, I’m fine”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about”

A laugh escaped you, “Then what?”

Yeonjun closed his eyes, “I wasn’t hiding it from you…I was going to tell you”

“It’s okay, I can pretend I didn’t see anything” You shot him a smile, trying to leave but he pulled you back. You stumbled towards him in the dark corridor, wondering where Hana was, if she was listening to this, and what she must be thinking.

“Jun…” You laughed, another forced chuckle.

A flash of regret painted his eyes, “I promise, I was going to tell you”

It was cold, and you were confused, but Yeonjun’s grip was warm, and understanding.

He didn’t need to explain himself.

You were…just surprised, a whirlwind of thoughts running through your head of everything that could possibly go wrong after tonight, and wondering if you really knew your friends as well as you thought you did. They’d been hooking up all this time, and you never noticed, and you never picked up on any hints?

You were more disappointed in yourself than anything.

He continued speaking, “I was going to tell you in the morning, I didn’t know you’re still awake, Y/N”

“I just didn’t expect that. Does anybody else know about you?”

He shook his head, “There isn’t an us”

You swallowed, “I mean, it’s fine if there is. It’s just…kind of something I have to get used to. How long have you been-”

Yeonjun grimaced, “No, you don’t understand. That was the first time it ever happened, Y/N”

Your voice fell, “What?”

“You just …walked in on our first kiss” He explained, “We haven’t ever done that before. That’s what I was trying to tell you. It just happened”

“But…” You squeezed your eyes shut, “What? I don’t understand. Are you…two tipsy or something?”

Yeonjun laughed, “I wish, but no. We’re...completely sober. Sorry you had to see that”

Your voice softened, tension falling from your shoulders, “You don’t have to apologise. I just didn’t expect...”

He nodded, a chuckle escaping him, “Yeah. You know that I’ve liked her for years”

You crossed your arms, hugging yourself, “Yeah…I just, I had no idea she liked you back”

He laughed, “I didn’t either, but she said that she always wanted to kiss me too”

“That’s good” You told him.

He lowered his voice, “Y/N. There’s something else. She said she’s in love with me”

Your eyes shot open, “What? In…love with you?”

He nodded, a smile on his lips, “I know. It was hard for me to believe too. The girl of my...fucking dreams just said that to me, like it took no effort. I didn’t think that stuff happened in real life”

This changed everything.

Yeonjun was only sixteen, and he’d found the love of his life, and you were so happy for him.

Your eyes lit up, “Did she kiss you first?”

He nodded, his lips still had traces of Hana’s lipgloss on it, “Yeah. She did”

“Fuck, that’s...really cool” You stared at the floor, trying to process it, “I was just taken aback, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to freak out or anything”

He shook his head, “No, I completely understand” 

Just then, Hana stepped out from the kitchen, footsteps timid, hands hugging herself as she saw you, “Hey”

“Hey”

The only light in the corridor was from the moon, and it illuminated their silhouettes beautifully.

They hadn’t even got together yet but you could imagine them being perfect together.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like that” She bit her lip, “We were going to talk to you tomorrow. I’d never keep something like that from you”

Yeonjun glanced at her, eyes crinkling, “I told her”

She looked up at him, mouth parted, “You did?”

The way they were looking at each other made it obvious. This wasn’t just a temporary, impulsive crush. Was it so easy to find the love of your life?

“I’m…gonna go up to bed though” She squeaked, and Yeonjun nodded.

She turned to you, “Is it okay if we switch places? I wanted to stay with him tonight. You could…stay with Minho, or Felix?”

“You’re kicking me out of our room?” You joked.

Hana immediately seemed guilty, “Sorry. I can move your things for you”

“It’s okay” You nodded, even though you had far too many things and art supplies for Hana to even attempt to move, and you could never fall asleep in Felix’s bed, but they were in love and that was the craziest thing in the world, so those technicalities didn’t matter right now, and you’d make do.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to move my stuff just for tonight. I can share Lix’s comforter” You smiled at her.

Hana walked away, and you were left alone with Yeonjun.

His gaze trailed to the kitchen, “Did you want something…from in there?”

You remembered the reason you’d been here in the first place, “Felix…he wanted-”

“Peanut butter and jelly?” He finished your sentence, “It’s almost four in the morning”

“Yeah, you know how he is” You laughed.

He sighed, shoulders sinking, as realisation sank in, “Sorry”

For what?

He had nothing to be sorry for.

Guilt overcome you, because you’d walked in on his first kiss, essentially ruining it and now he was saying sorry to you.

You frowned, reaching to grab his hand, “For what? I’m really happy for you, Yeonjun. I’m sorry I ruined your first kiss”

“Y/N-”

“I should be the one apologising. I know I was surprised at first, but you know that you deserve the best? I…know how long you’ve liked her, and I’m really glad she feels the same way. Why are you apologising for that?”

Yeonjun was looking at you in amusement, and he reached ahead to tuck a wet strand of your hair back, “You’re really special, you know that right?”

“What?” You frowned, “Why?”

“I was apologising to you just because…me and Hana finished all the jelly”

»»————-

“The jelly is gone”

Felix turned to you, quirking an eyebrow, “What does that even mean?”

You settled back into the sand, still in your sweater, curling your legs up, “It means…the jam is over. They finished it” 

“Who?” His voice raised, in pointed annoyance, and surprise.

“Yeonjun, and Hana”

Felix sighed, leaning back on his palms, “Why were they eating jelly at three am?”

“I walked in on them kissing” You blurted.

“What?”

“I just…I saw them, inside, kissing”

“Wait, what?” He shifted on his knees, towards you, “Who? Hana and him?”

You glanced at him, “Yeah, who else?”

A variety of emotions passed Felix’s face, and perhaps you weren’t the only one having trouble processing this. They would be perfect for each other, but what if they were not?

You buried your hands in your sleeves, watching the moonlight bounce off the high tide.

There was silence between you, the only sound of the ocean waves breaking at the surface. 

You had been excited for them, but now that you truly thought about it...a worry festered within you.

“I didn’t know Hana liked him back” He spoke.

“They’re probably gonna date, right?”

“I don’t know” He shrugged, “They might”

You traced a heart in the sand, “I’m happy for them”

He tilt his head, “Yeah, sure, you sound real happy, Y/N”

You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling crazy for even thinking all of this but you could tell Yongbok anything so you did, “I am. I’m just worried”

“About?”

You felt like a child, but you had a tendency to imagine the worst case scenarios, “What if they stop hanging out with us?”

Felix’s eyes softened, “Babe…”

Your voice shot up, “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen it happen. What if they break up? Everything’s going to go to shit then. It’s a bad idea to date within your friend group, isn’t it? This could be the downfall of everything”

Felix sighed, shifting closer to you, “Nothing is going to happen”

“You don’t know that” Your voice now broke, and you felt stupid for worrying when you should be happy for them, “I don’t want to lose them…or you. You guys…are the best thing in my life”

“Babe, they haven’t even started dating yet” He chuckled, hand reaching to your chin, “Calm down”

You erased the heart you’d drawn, “Yeah. You probably think I sound dumb as fuck”

“I’d never think that about you” He smiled, “Your concerns are very valid…but I don’t want you to be upset about something that may never even happen”

You sighed, and maybe spending so much time around Felix had made you as dramatic as him, “But what if we have to choose? I don’t want any of them to get hurt”

“Why would we ever have to choose?”

“I don’t know. Like…pick a side between them, if they fight. You know that I can’t choose, I love Yeonjun as much as I love Hana-”

Felix laughed, “God. I love you” 

“Don’t laugh at me” You frowned.

“I’m not laughing at you, babe” He smiled, “I just think you’re…making yourself upset for no reason. You love doing that”

You looked up at him, “Lix…”

His voice softened, against the harsh ocean waves, “Nothing is going to happen. Even if it does, you’re not gonna lose us. I’m always going to be here, you know that, right?”

You grabbed his hand, pulling him closer, “What about…when you get a girlfriend?”

Felix laughed, “I doubt that’s going to happen soon, but if I ever have to choose between my girlfriend and you…I’m picking you. It’s not even a question”

A smile made its way onto your face, “Thank you. I would do the same”

The edge of his lip turned up into a grin, “I know you would”

Staring at Felix now, you felt the calm return.

The ocean was beautiful again, the sky was vast, the stars endless, and you felt at ease.

Things would perhaps forever change tonight, your best friends were in love with each other, but maybe everything else would still be the same.

“It’s a good thing, right Lix?” You asked, squeezing his hands so that your nails dug into his soft palms.

He tilt his head, “What is?”

“Love. Them…being in love? It’s a good thing” Your words were low, because you didn’t even really know what you were asking.

“Of course it’s a good thing, but it’s not just about their love. It’s about ours too”

You were confused, “Ours?”

His eyes swirled with intensity, and he swallowed, “Ours, like all of us. You, me…Minho, and them”

“Right”

“What constellation were you telling me about earlier?”

“Cassiopeia?” You questioned.

“Hmm. That” He crawled over to you, “Which one is it?”

You pointed him in the right direction, just over the horizon, where it was visible, “The five stars, it kind of looks like a W”

“Right, and she was some hot Greek chick, right?”

You laughed, “Yeah. She was”

He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close, “Well, she...died like billions of years ago, but she’s still here in the stars, isn’t she?”

“What are you trying to say?”

Felix turned to smile at you, “We’re just like her. The five of us. Five stars. That can’t be a coincidence, can it? We’re not going anywhere, okay?”

Your eyes widened at the sweet metaphor. Yongbok wasn’t one for romance, or anything of the sort, but you knew he meant his words.

He believed them.

And if he did, so would you.

“The five stars” You smiled, feeling your calm return, “Immortal”

He laughed, “Yeah. So don’t worry about us. You need to have more faith in us, Y/N. Things don’t just fall apart so easily, they won’t” 

“I know” You laughed, “I guess it’s kind of crazy. They found love so simply”

“You jealous?” He nudged you.

You rolled your eyes, “I wouldn’t even know what to do with love once I found it. All I need right now…is a job this summer, something to do, so I don’t sit at home and waste my youth”

He laughed, “Right, there’s the Y/N I know, only in love with the craft. I’m sure there’ll be a place in town you can work at this summer. Maybe a café , so you can get me free pastries every day”

“Oh. I almost forgot. Are you still hungry?”

“Starving” 

“I got you the sandwiches” You reached behind you for the Tupperware container you’d brought out of the beach house.

His eyebrows knitted together, as he stared at the box, “I thought you said the jelly was gone”

You lift the plastic lid, “It was but I crushed up some fruits, and I read online that if you add honey, it tastes just like jam…that’s why it kind of took me longer in there”

Felix doubled over, laughing loudly, “Oh my god. You did that for me at four fucking am?”

“It may not taste the best, but you better enjoy it” You mumbled, shoving the container into his arms.

“I know I will” He smiled, “And don’t worry about them, okay? No matter what happens, you always have me”

“Thank you, Lix. I know"

»»————-

summer now.

It had been years since you’d made each other that promise. 

Tonight, it felt futile, as you stared at the myriad of overwhelming text messages he had sent you. You had texted him back, telling him that you weren’t home, but he hadn’t replied since then.

“More beer?” 

You looked up, to see Yeonjun stood with another bottle in his hand, a cranberry extract he’d brought straight from his freezer. 

You hated beer, but you needed it tonight, so you grabbed it from him. It surprisingly didn’t taste horrible, so you savoured the fruity flavour in your mouth.

“What did you say to him?” He asked, sitting down next to you. 

“I told Felix I’m not home…” You spoke, “I asked him if we could talk tomorrow instead? I hope he understands”

“I mean, to Hyunjin” Yeonjun cleared his throat, “You were about to go over to his place, right?”

You glanced up at him, chest wrenching.

Sinking into the cushion, you stared at your phone, “I told him I can’t come either. He…didn’t question it. He probably was expecting me to cancel anyway”

Yeonjun needed you right now, and you couldn’t just abandon him— no matter how much you wanted Hyunjin, no matter how fucking horny you felt after that phone call. 

Your legs still felt weak, your heart was still pounding impossibly hard, and your underwear was soaked, but that wasn’t important right now. 

Your needs could be saved for another day.

He would understand. Hyunjin would still be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and you could meet him then.

“You really don’t need to stay with me” He spoke, “I feel like an asshole keeping you here”

“Yeonjun. You were crying, at three in the morning. I’m not leaving you alone”

He sighed, taking another sip of the cranberry beer, “Did you tell him why…? I don’t want Hyunjin to hate me”

“And why would Hyunjin ever hate you?” You turned to him, confused. Yeonjun hadn’t done anything wrong.

His eyes were still glossy, fresh tears dried on his face, and you hated the sight of it. He wasn’t an easy crier. In fact, in all your life that you’d known him…you could count the number of times you’d seen him so upset on one hand.

He licked his lips, swallowing, “Because I always keep coming between the two of you”

“Shut up” You scoffed, shoving his shoulder, “You know that’s not true”

He was still serious, despite the fact that you didn’t blame him at all, “Isn’t it? You were literally on your way to see him”

“I can see him tomorrow” You shrugged, trying to maintain a semblance of indifference and nonchalance, convincing yourself that it wasn’t that important. After all, it would be stupid to acknowledge how truly dependent you’d become on Hyunjin for your happiness. 

It wasn’t right, and even though seeing him right now felt urgent to your heart, to your body, you would still live another day and the world wouldn’t end if you didn’t meet him right this moment.

“I guess I don’t need to ask why you were on your way to him at three in the morning” He added, a teasing evident in his tone. You looked over to him, the emerging smile on his face and if teasing you was going to make him feel better, then you’d indulge him in it.

You laughed, embarrassed at how you’d been feeling like a fucking horny teenager, “You know Jun…any other day you would be very wrong, but tonight, I have to say it is exactly what you think”

“I thought you two weren’t going to be anything” Yeonjun hummed, stating the obvious fact that you were carefully trying to circumvent.

“We aren’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything” You tongued your cheek, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened. 

It started out as just a simple phone call. 

How did it escalate to that? 

“Right. I’m sure having sex with Hyunjin won’t mean anything to you at all” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “Sounds just like you”

You looked over at him, “Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you can call me out like that”

He laughed, leaning closer, “I’m just saying. He’ll probably be a million times better than the boys you’ve been with. Are you even prepared for that?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, heart jumping at his implication, “You’re supposed to be talking me out of this, not give me more reasons to want to jump him” 

Yeonjun laughed louder, “Man. You should enjoy this feeling, while it’s at its peak”

“What feeling?”

“That feeling, you know…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words, “When you’re falling for someone…and you’re fucking crazy about them, about every little thing they do? I remember, in the beginning, I used to have heart palpitations every time I saw Hana braid her goddamn hair, or something because she looked so adorable”

“What?” You let out a giggle, “I didn’t know you care about stuff like that”

Yeonjun smiled, “I was into everything that was about her, or even remotely related to her. I guess I was obsessed, but I don’t think anything in the universe can top that feeling”

You nodded, and you wondered if you’d ever stop feeling that way about Hyunjin. 

It had been months you’d known him, years since you’d first seen him, and your heart still went berserk at the mere thought, “Sometimes when I’m talking to him, it…feels like I have tunnel vision. I can’t see or comprehend anything except him”

“I know what you mean” He smiled.

You swallowed, remembering the reason for Yeonjun’s tears, “I’m sorry…about you and Hana”

“Yeah. I’m sorry too”

You reached over, to grab his hand, “And I’m sorry your heart is broken, and I wish I can take that pain away”

Yeonjun’s smile was sad, in return, “Me too…”

The couch cushions were frayed at the edges, because he hadn’t lived here in a while, and you fiddled with the corners to distract yourself from everything, from his broken heart, from your pining one.

“Did he say anything? Hyunjin?”

You peeked into your phone, to read the new texts, “He said, I got a call from Chan too. I hope Yeonjun feels better”

“Oh”

“Yup” Your fingers wrapped around the ice-cold beer again, and you took a swig, hoping the liquid would be enough to calm the fire in your heart. 

“It’s from the 7/11 behind Aera’s” Yeonjun explained, as if he’d read your mind, “You like it?”

“I do” You swallowed, refreshing your phone to see if Felix had said anything yet.

Yeonjun was silent, and he sat like that for a minute, staring into the dark corners of his living room, until he spoke, “Earlier today, I was thinking of the summer me and Hana got together”

“I was thinking about that summer too” You mumbled, “Can you believe it was almost…six years ago?”

“Six years?” He laughed, “That’s insane”

“It is. It feels like yesterday”

“I told her I loved her that summer for the first time… and six fucking years later, it’s not enough. You’d think the person you love for six years, you’d stay with them forever”

“I know...” You realised.

“What did he say…when you told him you can’t come? Felix?”

Perhaps, on another day, you would find it funny that Yeonjun had to keep clarifying which boy he was referring to, as if you had a carousel of boys in your life to keep you busy.

You sucked in a breath, “He didn’t say anything. I just...don’t understand what happened between us. One day we were fine, the next he hated my guts. I can’t even remember the last time I talked to him, my own best friend”

“The only thing between you and Felix…is Felix himself. It’s not your fault”

You laughed, realising the situation, “I’m sorry, this is so…typical of me. I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around”

“That goes both ways” He hummed, and you looked over at him. 

He looked exhausted, sat with his legs curled, dressed in silly panda pajamas. It remind you of high school, when you used to study together; you would help him with literature so he could help you survive math. 

You used to sit right on this very couch, frustrated with the books, wishing everything in life was as easy as painting.

Even though as of late, you’d contemplated why everything seemed to be against you, you realised how blessed you were to know him.

He looked so different from the boy you’d grown up with, yet still somehow the same. 

Yeonjun was only twenty-two, but he’d just lost the love of his life, and you could see that in his gaze.

It resembled yours, the night you lost the apprenticeship.

Maybe that was an insensitive comparison. After all, a lover couldn’t ever compare to a temporary two-year art mentorship, could it?

Yet, your craft was the one thing in your life that you know you’d have, even after he left. That would still be the same.

Yeonjun had the hint of a smile on his face as he watched you finish the beer, and he was so handsome when he smiled, but…the crinkles in his eyes were strained, forced. 

He was only smiling so you wouldn’t worry about him. 

“Why do you we put ourselves through this?” You blurted, the effects of the beer settling in.

He tilt his head, “Through what? Feelings?”

You chuckled, staring at him and the spots that dotted his cheek, “Yeah. Feelings”

“At least we have each other” He laughed, “I’m really glad you exist, Y/N”

You wanted to stop moping, and to just appreciate what you had. 

You shifted closer to him, so that your bodies would touch, and you wouldn’t both be alone right now, “I’m glad you exist too, Jun”

He immediately wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him.

It was always better to be alone together.

The television was right in front of you, and the shelves framing it were stocked with old VCRs, and tapes and movies.

“Remember when there were five of us on this couch…and there was absolutely no space for anyone, but we would watch Say Anything over and over again?” You laughed, thinking back to all the sleepovers. 

You’d spent so much of your childhood here, in this room as Yeonjun’s mum baked you treats. Tonight seemed to be a night of remembering, and of nostalgia, and your mind felt clearer than it had in hours. 

Maybe it was Yeonjun’s arm around you, maybe it was the memory of Hyunjin’s voice in your head, or maybe it was the fact that Felix had finally reached out to talk.

You wonder what he had to say, but regardless, that was a problem the you-from-tomorrow would worry about.

You-of-tonight would just let this night be, and not try to make of it more than it was.

“Do you wanna watch it?”

You glanced at him, “Just the two of us?”

He nodded, “Yeah”

It was well past three am, and starting a movie right now would mean that you both wouldn’t get any sleep, but that was okay, and some sleepless nights were worth it. 

You had work in the morning, but Yeonjun wasn’t here for long so you had to make the most of those moments. This might be exactly what he needed, to feel better. 

“All right” You agreed, “Let’s watch it”

He got off the couch, stretching his lanky panda-pajama legs out. He wandered over to his cabinet, filtering through the box of CDs. You hadn’t used those in forever, far too used to the Netflix you shared with Yongbok, but perhaps bringing everything back to as it was, is what would make everything better.

“What do you think he wanted to talk to me about?” You wondered out loud, tracing the rim of your new beer bottle.

Yeonjun was sat on his knees as he searched for the movie, “Honestly?”

“Yeah”

He stared off into space, hands paused in his work, “Felix…would do anything for you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to apologise now”

You nodded, taking another sip of the cheap cranberry-extract beverage.

“I made a promise to him, when we were fifteen… that I wouldn’t let anything come in between us. Do you think he blames me for what’s happening to us?”

Yeonjun glanced at you, soft gaze, before turning back to the wooden box, “He could never blame you for anything, Y/N”

You sighed, “Yeah”

“Do you need help?” You realised, as Yeonjun frowned.

“Could you check the other box?” 

You nodded, joining him on the wool carpet, rummaging through the box his sister had labelled.

“I swear, Yuqi needs to have a better organisation system in place” He mumbled.

“I miss her” You laughed, “How is everything with her?”

“She’s actually visiting soon, especially when I told her I was back in Daejon for a while” He smiled, “She’s almost done with her studies”

“That’s crazy” You laughed, “Is she gonna work in Busan too or will she move back here?”

Yeonjun hummed, “You can ask her all of that when she comes. I really do not want to discuss my sister right now”

You laughed, flitting through the various discs.

“Found it!” You declared, bringing out the DVD and handing it to him, “Will it still work?”

“I have faith it will” He got up on his knees, inserting it into the player, “Does Felix know you’re at my place?”

You shook your head, “He would freak”

He seemed to be pondering over it, “You could…call him here”

You blanked, “What? You…two haven’t talked in months. I don’t think he’d come here, even if I called him”

“Say Anything was his favourite film. Tell him we’re watching that”

You laughed, because the idea was so ridiculous, “You think Felix would put aside all of his animosity towards you…because we’re watching his favourite movie?”

Yeonjun nodded, “It sounds exactly like him”

You chuckled, “Yeah… you’re right”

You sent him a text.

im watching say anything…

If you wanna come?

felix:

i thought you said you’re not home 

you:

im not

im with yeonjun 

we’re gonna watch it together

felix:

you’re at yeonjun’s house??

you:

yeah 

we can talk about whatever it is you wanted to discuss here

felix:

sorry yn

im gonna pass

you:

seriously?

im trying here lix

felix:

trying what exactly?

you:

i thought we agreed not to let anything get in between us

or do you not remember that summer?

felix:

out of the two of us, i don’t think im the one that doesn’t remember that summer

ill see you later yn

you:

sometimes youre being impossible and i don’t know what you want

felix:

maybe it’s better you don’t

“Any luck?” Yeonjun asked, and you glanced up at him, disappointed.

“Nope”

He let out a sigh, taking a seat back onto the couch, and you joined him. The disc player made a lot of noise as it started up, and you feared it may not work from years of no use, but the screen lit up. 

Perhaps the reason you liked this movie was because it was so simple.

It was about an impossible love, made possible, against all odds.

You settled into Yeonjun’s shoulder as it started.

It didn't feel the same without them. There were silly parts that Felix would always laugh at, jokes that weren’t even funny, and Hana would always be pointing out the inaccuracies in the movie, to Minho’s joy.

It wasn’t the same.

Everything had changed.

Would things be different today, if you’d thought with your head instead of your heart?

Or would everything still be the same?

“Do you believe in fate?”

He glanced at you, new bottle of beer balanced in his lap, that he’d took from the icebox near his feet, “Hmm?”

It felt sad, just the two of you, drinking away, at what should be the peak of your lives.

“You know…the notion that there’s a path our lives are supposed to be on, and that every choice or decision we make just takes us there”

“I don’t know, Y/N. Doesn’t that mean we have no free will? That everything is already chosen for us?”

“I guess” You shrugged, reaching for the bottle between his thighs. He let you, and you brought it up to take another sip. 

“What? Do you think it’s fate we broke up?” He laughed, “Me and her?”

You shrugged, “No, I guess I’m just thinking if I made the right choices this summer”

“What do you mean?” He turned to you, seemingly having lost interest in watching the movie anymore.

You picked at the fabric of the couch, “I loved how things used to be. Still, I was fighting it for the longest time because I so badly wanted everything to change too. I wanted to move out. I wanted Felix to support that. I wanted Hana to not be heartbroken anymore. I wanted us all to…stay in touch, no matter what, but now I wonder if wanting all of that is futile. I can’t have all of it. Isn’t that too greedy of me?”

“Y/N…” Yeonjun spoke, “It’s okay to hold on to the things we love, even if you want your life to change. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wishing that”

You bit your lip, “Because now I really wish Lix were here…I made a promise to him that I’d never let anything come in between us”

“You were fifteen. I made a lot of promises to Hana too, which obviously aren’t true anymore… but that doesn’t mean I was lying when I made them. People change, and priorities change. It’s not set in stone”

You nodded, “I guess promises when made, are just hope that even if everything in the world changes, you’ll still hold on to that person”

“Yeah”

“Tonight at the pool, before the dinner party, Hyunjin said that he would finally tell me what was going on, with Jisung, with the media, and why he’s been so stressed the last couple of week. I wanted to ask him so many tim-”

Yeonjun turned to you, “Did you just say Jisung?”

“Yeah. Why?” 

“Um. Nothing. I just…heard about him…on the news”

You sat up at those words, turning to face him, “What did you hear?”

He sighed, “You really want me to tell you? It might be better if Hyunjin does. I don’t know the whole extent of things”

A wave of worry washed over you. Was the situation really so bad that Yeonjun, a person who didn’t even keep up with such news, had already heard about it?

You settled back down, because there was no point stressing over it now, “I’ll talk to him tomorrow, first thing. I hope Jisung is okay”

“How is his band anyway?”

“You haven’t heard their music yet?”

He shrugged, “On the radio, a couple of times” 

“What? They play his band on the radio?” 

Yeonjun glanced at you, smiling, “Yeah. Sometimes when I’m browsing the television, their videos also come up. Their sound is really fucking cool”

“That’s crazy” You realised, “I think I’d lose it if I heard Hyunjin’s voice on the radio. I’d...probably think it was fate or something”

“I have no doubt that you would” He laughed.

“I haven’t heard all their albums” You admitted, “Does that make a bad friend?”

“Depends” He shrugged, “Why haven’t you heard it?”

You fiddled with the blanket in your lap, “If I hear all their music, and his voice when he sings…I might fall even crazier in love, and that’s just…avoidable”

Yeonjun smiled, eyes crinkling, “Why…why don’t you tell him, Y/N?”

“Tell him what? That I haven’t heard all of his music? He’d hate me-”

“That you’re in love with him” 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because if he knows you love him, it might change everything”

You swallowed, “It won’t change the fact that he is who he is, and that his life is the way it is”

“No, but listen to me, Y/N. Love is a…it’s a huge fucking thing. It might change everything, if he knows what you feel for him, the true magnitude of it. He might reconsider his never-dating-anybody theory”

You stared at Yeonjun as he spoke, unable to even imagine or comprehend how Hyunjin could react to such knowledge.

To be told that someone was in love with you.

How would you react to something like that?

You’d never been in that position before, not romantically anyway, and maybe Yeonjun was right. It would change things. How could it not?

“I’ll…think about it”

“Sometimes, the things that can make the most difference in our lives, is the stuff that we don’t say”

“God. You’re like…a complete self-help book speaking at this point, you know that?”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, poking you, “If someone told you they loved you, wouldn’t that change everything?”

“It’s hard to imagine. Maybe you’re right”

“When is he going back to the city?” Yeonjun asked, the one topic you’d been avoiding forever. 

Your heart stung at the reminder.

He was going to leave, eventually.

“Not till the end of summer, which is still a month away, so...I have time”

But he would leave.

“He’s going back in a month? Fuck, that’s...not much”

“Yeah” You nodded, “I’m trying not to think about that. It’s...too soon, it’s going to go away in the blink of an eye. I don’t really wanna think about how I'll feel the day he leaves”

“I understand”

“I’ve gotten so used to him, and being around him, it feels...natural, and after tonight- we’re only getting closer”

Yeonjun smiled, “Maybe one more month with you, and Hyunjin may just change his mind”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s impossible”

He sighed, wrapping his arm around you again, “Guess what? Last week, at work, one of the HR interns…she asked me out on a date”

“What?” You laughed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There was nothing to tell. She’s cute, well I don’t even know her, but I think I’m gonna take her out next week”

“You are?” You giggled, shifting closer.

He smiled, waving his hands about, “It’s time for me to finally branch out. To move on”

“I can’t believe all of this started from Hana wanting to move on, the beginning of this summer” You remembered.

Yeonjun glanced at you, “So then technically, you have me to thank for bringing Hyunjin into your life”

You laughed loudly, “God, yeah, I guess that is it. You’re responsible”

He grinned, pulling at your cheek, “I guess fate does exist”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. If me and Hana had to be over so that you could find the love of your life, I’d say it was pretty fucking worth it”

You rolled your eyes, “And why can’t the both of us…be happy? Is fate so cruel to deny you your one true love?”

Yeonjun turned to smile at you, a glint in his eye, “Well. Maybe… the cute intern from HR is the love of my life”

»»————-

The loudness of The Grove did nothing to ease your headache. It was just a little past six am, but the diner was in full swing, and customers filtered in and out of the joint, grabbing their usual breakfast waffles and chocolate milkshakes.

“Give me just two more minutes, Y/N!” Seonmi yelled, over the counter, as she sped through making the quickest caramel macchiato you’d ever seen.

“Of course” You responded, balancing your bag on the counter as she cycled through the customers. You’d hardly slept last night, not even having the energy to finish the film, and you and Yeonjun had fallen asleep on the living room couch as the credits rolled.

You had been woken up by your very loud alarm, and you’d apologised to him for it, somehow forgetting that today was a work day, and that you’d have to leave at dawn.

Glancing around the diner, you noticed some familiar faces from the Lakehouse party, people you remember seeing through your blur of tears. San and Seonghwa knew a lot of people, but you hadn’t expected to see them around town so soon.

One of the boys made eye contact with you, and you looked away, hoping none of them remembered the harsh fight you’d had with Hana.

They probably heard everything.

Not that you cared what they thought of you, you just wish you could go back to that night and erase the argument, for your own sake. 

“Okay, I can take your order now!” Seonmi squealed, stepping up to you, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

You tugged the earphones out of your ears, smiling at her, “Can you take a breather for me?”

Her eyes widened, in perplexed cuteness, “What do you mean?”

“You seem so stressed and the day hasn’t even started yet” You grabbed her hand over the counter, squeezing it, “Don’t forget to breathe”

Her lips tugged up, “Thank you, Y/N. You know how it gets sometimes, there’s a rush this morning and I don’t even know why”

“Well, I don’t know how it gets since I don’t work in the most popular diner in town” You teased her, as she smiled, “Something tells me a lot of people come here for the cute waitress”

She let out a giggle, “Thank you. What can I get you, though?”

“The regular would do” You told her, playing with the little tabletop jukebox, “Whipped cream too, please”

“Of course” She smiled, getting back into the meld of things, and you took a temporary seat at the barstool, as she made your drink.

“Those people…do you know them?” You asked her, glancing over at the group.

She looked up momentarily, “The ones from San’s party?”

“Mmh” 

“They’re older than me, so I don’t really hang with them much. I think most of them are only here for the summer”

“Really?”

Seonmi nodded, as she piped whipped cream onto your hot latte, “Jiho’s from Seoul, and Alexander, he’s visiting from up in Incheon”

It seemed like everyone your age who was born here, had since moved out of Daejon, in pursuit of happiness, and better things.

“Ah, I see” You bit your lip, even though you didn’t know who Jiho was or who Alexander was.

“Why do you ask?”

“They were looking at me earlier, and I think I saw them playing beer pong at the Lakehouse. Just wondering” You shrugged, as Seonmi reached over, handing you your cup.

“Ah, probably because of Hyunjin” She giggled.

“What do you mean?” You tilt your head, a soft smile fighting you just because hearing his name made your heart pound like crazy, even at six am on a work day.

“You know…” She glanced up at you, while wiping the counter clean, “You and him are always together…people are talking”

You sat up straight, “About… us?”

She nodded, “Don’t worry about it though, the people of Daejon always need something to talk about. They’ll move on soon”

Even though you hated town gossip and rumours, the idea that people associated you and Hyunjin with each other made your heart warm. You’d never thought something that bizarre could happen, but hearing his name with yours made it all the more real.

You smiled, flushing at just the thought of him, “Um…did he come by earlier this morning?”

Seonmi had moved on to her next order, hurriedly adding caramel to a drink, “Hyunjin? Nope”

You frowned, “He usually comes by though, right?”

She nodded, “Without fail, every morning…he’s here. Kind of gives me something to look forward to, if I’m being honest”

“Yeah?”

Seonmi paused in her work look at you, “Yeah. He’s always so…kind. It’s like within the flurry of customers, he’s the only patient one. Plus, he’s a sight for sore eyes on morning shifts”

You chuckled, “I didn’t know he’s here that often”

“Oh, he is. I guess Hyunjin can’t live without his coffee either” She shrugged, and then suddenly lit up as if remembering something, “Oh! The other day, you should’ve seen him, Y/N, he was so cute. He spent the entire day here, just reading this book he’s carrying around, and wow…everybody was asking about him, about the quiet, pretty boy in the corner”

Just hearing Seonmi describe him made your heart flutter, because you could picture it so perfectly in your head, even though a part of you was also envious that she got to see him like that, instead of you.

“When was that?”

“A couple of days ago” She scribbled an order for another customer, “I wanted to ask him what book he was reading, but I was really nervous”

You laughed, “Why were you nervous?”

“He’s…intimidating, and I didn’t wanna bother him. But you two are close, maybe you can ask him for me”

Close couldn’t even begin to describe it, but how else would you explain what you two had?

“Yeah, we’re…close”

“Kinda weird he isn’t here today” She added, “But you can always bring him coffee… Maybe he’s busy, or slept in late”

You hadn’t even thought of that, “I could?”

She laughed, “I mean you two are practically dating, aren’t you?”

The warmth faded, and you shook your head, “No of course not, we’re …friends”

Of all the things going on in his life, he couldn’t afford to get into a dating scandal right now, especially because of you.

“Right” She rolled her eyes, “You should still bring your hot friend a coffee”

“You think so?” The idea of bringing it to him made you giddy, because you could imagine his smile, and it would be such a great start to your day - making him happy.

“Of course. He gets the same order as yours anyway, I’ll just add another to your tab”

“Okay” You agreed, and pulled out your phone.

You hadn’t talked to him since last night.

Since…that phone call.

The memory made you red and hot all over, and you opened up his texts. You weren’t sure how to even start, but perhaps you wouldn’t overthink it.

It was obvious to him how you felt, especially after that conversation, and you would just be yourself now.

There was only a month. There was no time to shy away from what you truly wanted.

No more holding back, or second-guessing.

you:

good morning hyun

are you home ?

His reply was instant, meaning he was awake and okay, and you leaned on the counter, waiting for him to type out his answer.

hyun:

morning yn :)

yes i am 

where else would i be at six am ?

you:

idk haha

im at the diner

are you coming here ?

i was thinking i could, like meet you before work

hyun:

oh

im sorry 

i don’t think i can

you:

is everything all right?

hyun:

i think i might be sick :/

you:

what??

what’s wrong?

hyun:

haha its nothing…

just my head hurts like a bitch

ive been up all night

You frowned, heart clenching at the thought of him being in pain.

“Here’s your coffee, love” Seonmi interrupted, placing a to-go cup in front of you, “Well…Hyunjin’s coffee”

“Actually…could I get some peppermint tea instead?” You asked, and she stared at you like you were crazy.

“You’re asking for tea?”

“Hyun is feeling sick” You told her, and just the words felt bitter in your mouth. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say much, just that his head hurts” You frowned.

“Oh” She pouted, “Of course. I’ll get you some right now, but it might get cold by the time you get it to him. Maybe the caffeine will help more?”

“You’re right” You stared at the coffee.

“Hey” She laughed, reaching forward to grab your hand, “Now you’re the one who looks stressed”

“I am… just worried about him”

“He’ll be fine. It’s only a headache” She hummed, returning to her chores, then teased, “Just friends, you say”

It was your turn to roll your eyes, “Friends can be worried, too”

“I know” She laughed, “It’s funny cause Eunbi keeps saying the same thing to me about her boy. Just friends”

“Who’s Eunbi dating?” You questioned, hoping some town gossip would distract you from Hyunjin being unwell.

Seonmi glanced up at you, lowering her voice so the other patrons wouldn’t hear, “Oh, they’re not dating. Just fucking”

“I didn’t know Eunbi is into that kind of situation” You noted, grabbing Hyunjin’s coffee in your hands.

“Yeah! I honestly didn’t think Felix would be either but like…they’re both hot, so I completely get it”

“What?” You looked up, stopping in your movement.

She flippantly glanced at you, “Yeah…her and Felix”

“Wait…what?”

She chuckled, “They’re fucking…I just told you. You didn’t know?”

“No…” You trailed off. 

Is that what Felix wanted to talk to you about?

She stared at you, realisation dawning on her face, “Oh. I thought everybody knew”

“I didn’t” You stated, perhaps too harshly.

“Fuck. You’re…not in love with him or anything, right?”

“What?”

She shrugged, “I mean…you two have been…you know…best friends since-”

You frowned, grabbing your bag off the counter, “No. I’m just taken aback…”

“You sure?” Seonmi frowned, eyebrows knitting together.

You stared at her, “Yeah. I’m sure”

“Well, I’m sure he was gonna tell you soon. Maybe he just forgot”

“Yeah. We’re not really talking right now” You mumbled.

She nodded, “Ah. Eunbi mentioned that. Your fights”

“She knows about that…?”

She shrugged, knowingly, “Yongbok told her”

You squeezed the coffee cup in your hands, a bitter taste in your mouth but you didn’t have time to dwell on this right now, Hyunjin needed you, “I…um, I better get this coffee to him before it gets cold”

»»————-

It had only been a few minutes since you knocked at his front door, the floral wreath hung on the front shaking every time you did so, but nobody had come to the door yet.

You should be patient and wait a bit more.

But your mind assumed the worst, like what if Hyunjin passed out…or fell so sick he couldn’t get out of bed? 

You had half a mind to bring out your phone to ask him where he was because he said he’d be home, but your hands were unfortunately occupied by the coffee. 

The revelation from the diner was still bothering you, but now, you had more important things to worry about.

“Hyun?” You called out loud, in the hope that maybe if he didn’t hear the knocking, he’d hear your voice.

In response though, you heard a bark, making you jump out of your skin.

Kkami.

He was nearby, and you stepped off Hyunjin’s porch, following the sound of his puppy’s excited mewling and barks.

“Kkami?” You asked, tentatively, peeking around the side of his house. 

You don’t know how you hadn’t noticed this before. 

A little metal gate, rusted, led to a back garden.

The path was surrounded on either side by overgrown vines and flowers. 

You hadn’t ever come here before. 

Well, technically you’d only been to Hyun’s house once and hadn’t seen anything except his bedroom. The memory made you warm, and you relived it in your head as you pushed open the rusted garden gate. 

The path ran along the side of Hyunjin’s house, and stepping over the pebbles, you passed the windows of his kitchen and living room.

You were trespassing, technically, but he would understand, right?

“Kkami…?” You called out again, emerging into the back garden, when the little ball of fluff ran head-on towards you, jumping at your body with enough force, catching you off guard. 

The surprise knocked you and the coffee to the ground, and the cup overturned, spilling all over your top.

“Ow” You mumbled, hitting the grass, as Kkami began licking your hand, and the coffee soaked all the way through your shirt. 

It was already cold by now, so it didn’t burn. Still, frustration coursed through you because you’d carefully sought this coffee for him, and now you wouldn’t even be able to give it to him.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin’s voice interrupted your short-lived misery, and you looked up, an impossible frown on your face. 

A frown that melted immediately, with the sight that you were greeted.

Hyunjin.

He sat cross-legged on the grass, across the garden, a soft white sweatshirt enveloping him.

A paper-thin novel was held between his hands, glasses pushed up to his hair, and you had half a mind to question just why Hyunjin was up at six am on a weekend, and reading a goddamn poetry book, but that wasn’t the craziest thing about him today.

His hair.

Wispy bangs fell into his eyes, the color of fucking chocolate.

What the fuck?

Your annoyance at Kkami was forgotten, and so was any semblance of a thought you had in your head. Talk about a fucking cliche.

“Y/N…” He immediately stood up, placing his book to the side, face-down on the grass, and you worried that the pages would get wet, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to care about that right now. 

He rushed to you, bending down to your height, “I’m sorry, Kkami. He…”

Carefully, he pried the puppy away from you, telling him to go sit in a hushed whisper, before he turned back to face you.

You felt silly, sat on the grass on your butt, with just your palms supporting you, coffee soaking through your work clothes, staring at him.

Had his eyes always been that pretty?

The light-brown hair brought out the hazel in his eyes, which seemed even brighter now, and every romance book you’d heard Hana talk about suddenly made all the sense in the world, as you felt yourself get sucked into the depth of his gaze.

“You okay?” He tilt his head, the movement making his bangs shift, and you noticed that the side strands were longer, framing his face perfectly.

His brows were darker now too, to match the hair, and just when you thought you couldn’t go absolutely insane about him anymore, he’d prove you wrong by doing something like this.

His lips, puffier than usual, curled up into a smile when he noticed you staring so blatantly.

“Yeah” You cleared your throat, “You…you said you were sick”

So he just forgot to tell you this morning that he’d completely changed his hair?

“I am” He chuckled, then his gaze fell to your top, “You’ve got coffee on you”

“Oh” You glanced down at it, and you didn’t feel anything, or maybe you were too enamored by the boy to feel any pain. 

He must be a fucking siren, or a creature of some sort to have this sort of effect on you, even after all this while. Everything you’d been worrying about seemed like a distant memory, a problem you didn’t have to deal with, and all he’d done was say five words to you.

“Are you hurt? I’m sorry about your coffee…Kkami is misbehaving a lot-”

“It’s actually your coffee” You stated, looking back up at him, finally finding your bearing on coherent words and sentences, “Well…was your coffee”

“Mine?” He smiled, “You brought that for me?”

You nodded and added, stupidly, “I…was at your front door, but you weren’t there, so I…came in through the metal gate”

“Yeah. I was here” He explained, even though it was obvious, “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

You nodded, reassuring him, “I’m okay, but…if you’re sick, why are you out here?

“I needed some fresh air. My head…” He grimaced as another bout of pain hit him.

Without thinking, you reached forward, caressing his face, and Hyunjin was taken aback, just slightly.

Your voice was low, soft, “It hurts?”

His eyes fixed onto yours, as your fingers trailed down his jaw, “Yeah”

“I’m sorry” You spoke, “Where does it hurt?”

He grabbed your hand within his, long fingers wrapping around your wrist, and guided it to just above his eyes, brushing past his bangs, “Right here, but…don’t worry about me”

“Let me take care of you” You blurted, touching him delicately.

His eyes closed, and he smiled, relishing in the feeling, “I need to get you out of these clothes first”

“What?” 

His eyes shot open, realisation sinking in, “I mean…the coffee. You have to change”

“Oh, okay”

“Come on” He gestured, helping you stand up, with your unsteady feet. The cup of coffee lay upturned on the grass, along with your bag. Hyunjin held your hand in his own, and bent down to pick up your bag with his other. He slung it over his shoulder, tugging the strap tightly.

You looked around the back garden, and it was so beautiful that you had to do a double take just to take everything in.

“It’s amazing” You breathed, watching Kkami play in the grass, tossing and turning around. Your gaze fell to the book that lay open on the grass, and Seonmi’s words came to mind, “What were you reading?”

“I can tell you that later, when you’re warm and dry” He chuckled, then touched your lower back to guide you into the house, “Come”

You nodded, his touch sending a tingle down your spine, but let him lead you into his house. 

It was crazy, that just yesterday you were so bold, talking about the things you wanted him to do to you, and now…now you were going into overdrive just at his hand on your back.

You craned to look at him, “Are you in a lot of pain?”

He shook his head, “I’ll be fine”

There was another entrance at the back of the house, sliding doors opening up to reveal his living area, warm wooden floors and cosy seating. Kkami ran in just after the two of you, jumping around the futon.

“Do you want to wear something of mine?” Hyunjin asked, leading you to his bedroom. You’d been so lost in him that you’d forgotten what you were doing here. 

You had initially been on your way to work.

“I have…a hoodie in my bag. An extra one” You told him, “I brought it in case it gets cold”

He stopped at the threshold of his doorway, looking at you, “Well, that’s perfect then”

“Yeah” You nodded, “Can I change in your bathroom?”

“Of course” He smiled, and you stepped inside.

Being back here after all this time, was strange. 

His bed was exactly the same kind of messy, but covers and duvets now switched out for a sky-blue color, and his pillows were lined up against the wall. 

It made you want to lie down, since you were severely lacking sleep, but you had work, and this bed wouldn’t probably be big enough for the two of you.

The thought was ridiculous anyway, but it left you wondering.

Last night, you were on your way here in your lustful daze, and if Yeonjun hadn’t been heartbroken, you would have come here. 

The canvases leaning against the far wall were new; you could tell he’d been working on so much art in your absence. Paint canisters were haphazardly placed across the floor, and you carefully walked amongst them, hoping to not knock over any.

Pushing open the door to his bathroom, you placed your bag on the counter, searching through for your hoodie.

Hyunjin leaned on the doorway, watching you, peacefully. He must be in more pain than he let on, because he was hardly saying anything.

You glanced at him, eyebrow raised, “Are you… going to stay here while I change?”

He laughed, “No, I…I’m just…Never mind”

He turned around, giving you the privacy you needed. 

You peeled off your tank top, scrunching it up over the sink to squeeze the liquid out, and you both didn’t address the fact that you hadn’t closed the door, instead letting Hyunjin stand facing the other way.

If he turned, he would see you in just your bra, but you honestly didn’t even mind, or care.

Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you wiped the sticky coffee from your forearms.

“I’m sorry about Kkami” He spoke again, and you glanced at his back. It was cute, how he stood facing the other way, arms crossed, like a kid on a timeout. His hair grazed just past his shoulders, the chocolate brown contrasting perfectly with his sweatshirt.

“It’s all right” You smiled, running the shirt under water.

“Are you dressed?” He asked.

“Not yet” You told him, pushing your arms through your spare sweatshirt, “I’m… really upset”

“Why?” He asked, surprise in his tone.

“The hot drink…it was supposed to make you feel better” You frowned. “Now I don’t have anything to give you”

“That’s okay” He laughed, “I already feel better”

“Your head doesn’t hurt anymore?” You asked, looking over at him.

“No, it does hurt but some sleep will make me feel better” He laughed, “Are you dressed now?”

You glanced at him, a soft smile overtaking you, “No”

Hyunjin nodded, a small ‘Okay’ leaving his lips.

You laughed, pushing your sweatshirt down to cover up, “Why are you so impatient? But yeah, I am dressed now”

He immediately turned around at those words, and pulled you in for a hug, like he’d been counting down the seconds till you could be in his arms. You stumbled into his embrace, surprised at his urgency.

“Thank you for coming to see me, Y/N” He mumbled, face buried in your hair, and you brought your hands up, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“You don’t have to thank me” You smiled, dying but living for the warmth of his body.

He squeezed you in his embrace, “I do”

It was a simple hug. It felt so innocent, so tame, so mild compared to last night, yet the carnal desire you felt for him was just the same, if not more now.

How could Hyunjin be more desirable when he wasn’t even trying to be?

All he was doing was hugging you in his little bathroom, surrounded by potted plants, and fragrances, and candles, and they were all so him.

Pulling away, you looked up, noticing the puffiness of his eyes, “You look so tired”

“I had a stressful night…after you told me you couldn’t come” He explained, “I ended up calling Chan, and we talked up until five”

“Five am? So…you haven’t slept at all?” 

He nodded, a forced smile as he shrugged, “Guilty”

“Hyun…” You frowned, “You need to get some sleep, now”

He sighed, “Now? I’ll end up sleeping through the day if I do, and I…don’t want to waste any time”

“Waste?” You questioned, “It’s not waste. You’re…just sleeping”

“Yeah” He swallowed, “But…”

“But?” 

“But you won’t be here” He finished, “And I would much rather…spend time with you. I know you have work today, I was thinking I could come in to the shop. I promise I won’t distract you, I could sit and read. You won’t even know I’m there. Or I could paint”

You couldn’t help but smile, heart swelling at his eagerness, “If you’re there…I won’t be focusing on my work, Hyun”

He shook his head, as if he’d already prepared the answer, “Then I can sit in the back room. You won’t know I’m there”

You giggled, “Then what’s the point?”

He tilt his head, “The point is… that I’ll be close to you”

Your smile grew, and you tightened your grip on his waist, “You…changed your hair”

His eyes widened, “Yeah. I did. Took you long enough to notice”

“I noticed it the second I saw you. I just-”

“You didn’t say anything” He interrupted.

Your gaze followed the light-brown tendrils as they grazed his jaw, “I don’t even know what to say” 

“You hate it?” His smile fell.

You shook your head instantly, “No. It’s…It… reminds me of chocolate”

His lip tilted up, “Good enough to eat?”

You laughed, letting go of his waist, “I take the flirting as a sign that you’re feeling better”

“Mmh”

“You still need to get in bed”

“Are you gonna show me how much you like it in bed?” He asked, and you laughed.

“Shut up” You pushed him, lightly, “It’s unlike you to ask for validation”

“It’s unlike you to be so flippant to me” He pouted, walking back into his room. 

It was hot inside so he pulled off his sweatshirt, revealing the tight black t-shirt he wore inside. The neckline dipped low enough to reveal his collarbones, and it was different from the more oversized shirts he usually wore. He stretched his arms, a small yawn escaping.

“I…have to get to work” You realised, “I’m gonna make you some coffee first though, is that okay?”

He glanced at you, in surprise, “You don’t have to”

“Caffeine will help with the pain”

He shook his head, “I promise I’ll take a nap after you leave”

“Okay” You nodded, grabbing your bag, “I’ll…get going then”

You passed him to leave, but he reached out, tugging at your tote bag to stop you.

You looked at him, “What, Hyun?”

“Aera’s doesn’t open until another forty two minutes, and it’ll only take you eight to get there” He hummed matter-of-factly, with the convincing powers and puppy-eyed gaze of a kid who wanted to go to Disney.

“What’s gotten into you?” You laughed, but let him take your bag, indulging him in his little request. He was right, after all. 

You had to make the most of your time with him, even if it were stolen little moments like this.

You leaned against the bedroom door, eyeing him up, as he put your bag to the side, and he clearly didn’t plan on letting you leave anytime soon.

He bent down to gather the stray paintbrushes on the floor, “I just felt like spending some time with you. Is that so wrong?”

You smiled, looking around the room, “Why is all your shit everywhere?”

He glanced up at you, “I paint when I’m stressed”

“Oh” You recalled, “You were painting last night when you called me”

“I was” He hummed, “When do you get off work?”

“Couple of hours”

“You don’t work Saturdays, usually”

“You have my schedule memorised?” You raised your eyebrow, wanting to tease.

“It’s not that hard” He rolled his eyes, “You work alternate days”

“Right”

He kneeled onto the floor, pulling out a wooden basket from underneath his bed, placing paint tubes inside it. 

You weren’t sure what to do as he started packing his art supplies. 

He wasn’t even saying much, as you stood leaning against the door, observing him, recognising the tune he hummed to himself.

He bent over, and whenever he did his shirt would fall forward, allowing you a glimpse of his chest.

Every time you met, you pushed another boundary, crossed another threshold, and after he talked about fucking you last night, you obviously weren’t just friends anymore.

The energy felt...so different, but it was never uncomfortable.

3 a.m. Hyunjin was a stark contrast from 7 a.m. Hyunjin, and...you loved both.

It felt so strangely calm, so domestic, so heartwarming.

It was seven am on a regular Saturday morning, and you were in Hyunjin’s bedroom, as he cleaned up.

A pink tube then slipped from his hands, rolling under the bed, and he cursed, “Shit”

“Let me” You offered, kneeling to join him on the floor.  You stretched to reach for the watercolour tube, and underneath his bed were discarded hairbands, pencils, and a bag of treats for Kkami. Cute.

After retrieving it, Hyunjin smiled at you, whispering a ‘Thank you’ as he placed it inside the original packing.

“One day you should really let me organise your art supplies”

He tilt his head, “Can that day be today?”

You laughed, “I told you. I have to go to work”

He shrugged, “Skip it”

“Oh, will you start paying my bills when I eventually get fired from Aera’s for slacking?”

“Yeah I will” He said, without hesitation.

Your eyebrows shot up, “Shut up, Hyun”

“Shut up?” He gasped, “Can’t believe you’re being so mean to a sick boy”

“Oh” You realised, reaching forward to cup his cheek, “It still hurts a lot?”

He smiled, leaning into your touch, “Less when you’re here”

You dropped your hand, heart clenching, “I wish I could stay then”

“But you don’t work Saturdays, so why today?”

“Mina wanted me to help with the stock…we have some new supplies coming in, and just needed to get my mind off something 

“Something like what?”

“You don’t have to worry about it, Hyun”

“Maybe I could get your mind off it”

You crossed your arms, “What if you’re the thing I need to get my mind off?”

He frowned, “Did I do something wrong?”

You laughed, “No, don’t worry about that”

He closed the wooden lid, gripping the box, “Last night…You said Yeonjun wasn’t feeling all right. Is he okay now?”

“It’ll take time. He’s just having a hard time, with Hana”

“Oh”

You shrugged, “Love sucks, I guess”

He laughed, “You got that right”

You sat back on your ankles, looking around the room, “What was the book you were reading?”

“Oh. I left it out in the garden. Could you get it for me?

"Yeah, once you tell me what it’s about”

Hyunjin smiled, pushing the box back under his bed, “It’s about fate”

You slid open the doors to the back garden, cold morning air rushing in. Plants of all kinds grew alongside the wooden fence. You wonder if it was him, or his aunt who had planted them. 

Picking up the book, you saw the page it was open to had been creased. 

Hyunjin had marked some pages, left little notes, annotating it, and he must have read through it countless times, so you asked him about it when you came back, “So why are you reading a book about fate this early in the day?”

Hyunjin was still sat on the floor, except his head was buried in his hands, “Fuck. I really shouldn’t have stayed up”

You immediately abandoned the book, stepping up to him, “Hyun. What’s wrong?” 

He mumbled, ‘I’m okay’, running a hand through his hair, but he clearly wasn’t okay.

“Come on, let me get you into bed” You gripped his arms so you could pull him up, but he stayed where he was.

“I’m fine” He answered, through gritted teeth.

You tilt his chin up, so he’d look at you. His eyes were tired, puffy and red, and he looked terribly sleep-deprived.

“Why do you not want to sleep?”

His voice turned soft, “Because then you’ll leave”

“Hyun…” Your heart melted, “I’ll be back in a few hours, you’ll barely notice that I was gone”

He pouted, “I'll notice”

You smiled, tilting his chin up to look at you, “Why are you trying to be cute?”

“Trying?” He acted offended.

“Fine” You rolled your eyes, “Why are you being cute? You know I don’t actually want to go, but...unfortunately we live in a capitalist society and I need to pay the bills”

“I fucking hate capitalism”

You laughed, “Come on. What’s wrong?”

“I just...like being around you” He shrugged, “And now that...you won’t be moving for the program in the city, I don't know when I’m gonna see you again. I was really looking forward to meeting you in Seoul”

“I know, me too, but you'll see me every day for the rest of this month. Isn’t that enough?”

It was ironic that you were saying that, because it obviously wasn’t enough even to you.

Something flashed through his eyes, an emotion you couldn’t recognise and he mumbled, “I guess”

“Hyun, we have time to deal with that later, but can I bring you some Aspirin now?”

“I’m just so fucking tired of this shit” He mumbled.

“What shit?”

He glanced at you, “If I tell you…you’ll be stressed too”

Your eyebrows knit together, confused at what he was talking about now, “Please tell me, Hyun”

He sighed, running another hand through his hair, “Okay. It’s just…it might upset you, and you’re going to be thinking about it all day at work. I know it”

“I don’t care, I want to understand why you’re feeling this way”

His eyes were heavy with emotion, “Are you sure, Y/N?”

It scared you, what he wasn’t telling you, but you had to know.

“You’ve been upset about this, for weeks, Hyunjin. I…maybe I can help, or make you feel better somehow”

He shook his head, a chuckle escaping, “You can’t make me feel better about this”

Ouch.

“Oh. Okay”

He looked up at you, “Shit. That’s not how I meant it. I mean…nobody can do anything, it’s a fucked up situation”

“I’ll try my best to understand it then”

He sighed, leaning back, fiddling with the string on his sweatpants, “It’s…about Jisung. I had to leave Yeonjun’s place early yesterday, because…there’s been some stuff going on with Jisung, and it’s just so frustrating”

“What’s going on?” You asked, hoping you didn’t overstep with your questions.

He looked up at you, “Under my company, we have this…sort of contract, a contract that’s responsible for our health. Mentally and physically. They ensure we’re okay, because it can get stressful and tiring, for our bodies…do you get it?”

“Yeah. That’s a good thing, right?”

He nodded, “It’s supposed to be, yes. It is a good thing. If it weren’t for that, I probably wouldn’t be eating well, or getting enough sleep”

“What do you mean?”

He swallowed, “I mean…sometimes the company wants us to be in a certain…shape for an album, or a photoshoot. The pressure of that can be a lot, but this…this contract, it basically makes sure that they don’t push us too hard”

“Right”

He added, “It’s because of that contract that I was able to come back home, because they recognised that I needed some space. Most people in my line of work…they don’t get that freedom or liberty”

“The freedom…to go home?”

Hyunjin laughed, sore, “Yeah. I know how it sounds. It’s really rare for someone to go on a voluntary hiatus…like I did. They never allow it”

“Oh”

“And part of that contract is…we have these weekly appointments with a ….therapist, I guess you could say? I’m not sure what her specialisation really is, but she…talks to us and checks in with us every few weeks, to make sure we’re doing okay, and if we’re stressed about anything.

She works with the company, so it’s nice to have someone to depend on, and someone to just…rant to at the end of a really horrible month, you know?”

Even though he was telling you something nice, you could tell what he was leading up to wouldn’t be because his shoulders were tense and his voice was harsh. 

He was stressed even just talking about it, and you suddenly regret asking him to explain it to you.

You nodded, wanting to comfort him, hands itching to touch him somehow, but you kept your distance, “That’s…really nice, Hyun”

He nodded, “It is. Well…Jisung has been going to her much more often, ever since an article came out about him last month. The one you read. He was getting a lot of…negative public attention for the fight he was a part of, so he’s been seeing Mrs. Yoona far more often than the rest of us”

You nodded, unsure of what this was getting at.

“Mrs. Yoona…that’s the name of the woman we see. We talk to her every month” He clarified, and you were grateful he took his time to make sure you understood everything.

“Okay”

“Yeah…and…last week” Hyunjin sucked in a sharp breath, “I don’t know how it fucking happened, but someone got access to her files…which are supposed to be confidential”

Your breath caught in your throat, “What?”

“They…released everything about Jisung, everything he’s ever said in his… sessions, all of the things he’s anxious about, the things he hates about the job, stuff about his family, about his ex-girlfriend”

Your heart plummeted, a terrible feeling clawing at you, “They released it…publicly?” 

Hyunjin nodded, voice getting angrier, “I don’t know who the fuck it was. Probably someone from inside the company, but it doesn’t matter now, the files are out now, for every person in the fucking world to see, and it’s so unfair, because that shit’s supposed to be private. It’s his life, and…it’s not fair everyone gets to see it, and somehow use it against him”

His voice broke, and you immediately reached out to him, hand grabbing his, so he would know you were here, “I…I’m so sorry Hyun, that’s horrible” 

He nodded, looking up at you, “Yeah. It is”

“I’m sorry” You repeated, unsure what else you could say, but you felt sick. It was the worst kind of invasion of privacy, and you felt so angry.

Why the fuck would someone do that?

You couldn’t even imagine how Hyunjin felt.

“Yeah. Me too” He spoke, “I’m just on edge because of this”

“Do they…have your files too?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound insensitive for asking about him, when something horrible had already happened with Jisung.

Hyunjin glanced at you, eyes widening, and he pulled you closer, “Y/N…please don’t worry about me”

“But-”

He cut you off though, “It doesn’t matter if they have it or not, or whatever they decide to do with it. That’s for me to think about. I can’t have you stressing about it”

“But…that’s impossible”

His expression softened, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you”

“Hyun…” You squeezed his hand, “I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish…”

“It’s okay” He cut you off again, “I’ve been dealing with it half my life, it’s honestly not the worst thing that’s happened, which sounds so fucking cruel to say. Mostly, I’m just sad about Jisung, but he’s holding up okay for now”

Your phone suddenly buzzed, because Mina was calling you.

“I’m gonna tell her I’m gonna be late” You pulled your phone out of your denims to text her.

Hyunjin watched you do so, “You don’t have to, please”

 “Yes, I do” 

“Y/N” He reached up to stop you, “Forget what I said before. I don’t want you to miss work because of me”

“Hyun…this is more important” You told him, but your heart was pounding, “You should lie down now, you haven’t slept all night. I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”

He nodded, moving over to his bed.

You walked over to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for him, trying not to fucking panic about what he’d just told you.

You had to breathe.

Hyunjin needed you, and it would help no one if you also began freaking the fuck out. 

How could people do something like that?

You needed to be stronger than this, because you wanted to cry just thinking about how Jisung felt. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, to calm yourself, and then finished filling up the glass for him. 

There was stuff all over the kitchen counter, different kinds of Daejon-special snacks, sour candy, instant ramyeon packed into little ziplock bags. 

Was he going on a trip or something?

As you went back to the room, Kkami was on top of Hyunjin, sitting on his chest, as Hyunjin stroked his chin, fondly. He was lying down, hair spread out on his pillow, and he glanced at you.

“I think this is the first time he’s paying so much attention to me” He told you, smiling as he scratched Kkami.

“Maybe he knows you’re sick” You hummed, placing the glass of water on the bedside table, “Are you going somewhere? Your kitchen counter...is messy”

He shook his head, eyes wide, “Um, no. I was just cleaning... earlier”

That seemed like a blatant lie, but maybe he was planning a surprise, so you didn’t push. He probably needed any break he could get. He settled further into his blanket, staring at you, “So now you know why I had to leave, when we were at the pool”

Everything made more sense now.

That’s why he had left in a hurry, and skipped the dinner party at Yeonjun’s.

He must have heard about the scandal in that moment, and the thought of finding out something like that about your friend also made you want to cry.

You bent down to grab your bag, wondering why those people wouldn’t just leave him, and his friends alone.

“Are you all right?” He asked, at your silence.

“I’m just mad…at whoever did that to Jisung”

Hyunjin reached out, grazing your arm with his fingers, “Me too, but…that anger isn’t yours to have”

“Of course it is!” You spoke, eyebrows shooting up, “I care about you and I care-”

Hyunjin sat up, interrupting you, “Hey, hey. I know”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “You don’t deserve this. None of you do. I just..I don’t understand how this shit keeps happening and people actually get away with it? Why do they care so much about your lives-”

“Y/N…” He spoke, “Can you look at me?”

You reluctantly opened your eyes, and he leaned in closer, “I know you’re upset, but can you just…please promise me you won’t worry about this?”

“I can’t…” You blurted, “You know me, Hyun. I can’t promise you that”

Hyunjin shook his head, “Can you try? If you’re going to be around me… there will be a lot of this stuff happening. You can’t let it get to you”

You swallowed, knowing this conversation was futile right now, “Yeah. I’ll try my best. You could have told me about this last night, Hyun. I could have been there for you”

“I know. I was going to, but...I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good night” He smiled, clearly trying to cheer you up, and last night’s intense conversation felt like a fever dream compared to now.

You swallowed, “But still-”

“When you come back. I’m gonna make you feel much better, okay?” 

You smiled at the new comfort between you, “I’ll see you in a few hours”

He laid back down, head resting on the pillow, “It’s cute. You…trying to take care of me”

You rolled your eyes, “Well, forgive me for caring about you, Hyunjin”

He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, “I will be okay”

You stared at him, and he stared up at you, sleepily, eyes barely open.

You should be the one making him feel better.

Your impulse won, and you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his forehead.

He murmured, “When you’re done at work, you can let yourself back in. The key is next to the window, under the daisy”

“The key?”

“To my place”

Your heart stirred, “Hyun-”

He curled up into his duvet, eyes drifting shut, “I’ll see you soon, Y/N”

You closed the door to his bedroom, peeking at him one last time as he buried a hand under his pillow. Hopefully he would fall into a deep, restful, stressless slumber.

The walk to Aera’s wasn’t long from his place, but you took your time, savouring every moment that warmed your heart, but your gut twisted with the new knowledge you had gained.

You had many more questions about the Jisung thing, but it wasn’t the right time to ask. 

How could Hyunjin be so kind, despite the horrible things happening in his life? You would think that such hate would turn people cruel.

And despite all that fucking stress, he still called you last night. He stayed up with you, trying to make you feel good, even though your problems were nothing compared to his.

Aera’s came into view, and you could see Mina inside, idling away on the cash counter, probably playing a game on her phone. 

In front of her lay a large bouquet of flowers, and your curiosity peaked. 

Who sent Mina flowers?

As far as you knew, she wasn’t in a relationship, and her latest hookup had ended badly, yet a beautiful arrangement of daffodils was sent to her.

Your gut twisted, in part envy and some inspiration.

Maybe after you left work, you could bring some flowers for Hyunjin.

It would barely do anything to cheer him up, but it was still a nice gesture that you know he would appreciate.

You hope he felt much better when he woke, less in pain, more at peace.

You stopped in your tracks, just outside the steps.

You’d forgotten to give him the medicine.

What if he woke up, and was looking for it? What if his head hurt again?

You were so stupid for forgetting it. It was one of the reasons you’d gone over to his place in the first place.

Aera’s was right here and you were late, but it would only take you ten minutes to get to his place and back. You needed to make sure he was okay.

For a minute you stared at the little art shop, but then you thought of the frown lines in his forehead and the sadness in his eyes and your heart eventually won the argument. 

»»————-

The key was next to the Daisy ornament, as he had promised.

It felt invasive, to enter his home, and when you pushed open the door to his room, Hyunjin was deep asleep.

He was on his side, face pressed into the pillow, covers pulled up to his chest. 

Kkami wasn’t in sight, so you walked over to his bedside table, placing the pills, a bottle of water, and a candy bar.

Just in case he was hungry.

He sure seemed at peace, eyelids shifting slightly. He was dreaming.

What kind of things did Hyunjin dream of?

You hope all the terrible shit in his life didn’t invade his subconscious, and you wish you could stay here.

You gripped the spare key, reaching for the doorknob, but his voice startled you.

“Y/N...?”

Fuck. 

You hadn’t been quiet enough, and now you’d stupidly woken him up.

“Yeah?” You turned around, and he was clearly awake and you didn’t imagine hearing him say your name. He shifted around in his blanket, to face you.

“You’re back…” He mumbled, a sleepy smile, voice hoarse, “How was work?”

Your eyebrows shot up.

You hadn’t even gone to work yet, and it had only been fifteen minutes since you left but…it seemed like he’d lost all sense of time, and clearly been dreaming away.

You stood still, staring at his body under the covers, as he looked at you, waiting for a response.

“Hyunjin, I…”

“Was it not a good day?” He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, a frown on his lips, and the kind of person he was, of course his first question was to worry about you, about your day, which hadn’t even happened yet.

In the early morning sunlight, snuggled up in his blanket, brown hair tousled from sleep, Hyunjin looked absolutely perfect.

His hair fell into his face and eyes, and his bangs were cut completely wrong, but god, you wish you could have explained to him how much you absolutely cherished his new hair.

It brought a sense of familiarity, and of warmth, liquid fire running through your veins.

Like the first sip of coffee on a long day. 

Like the sunset on Jeju Island. 

Like a book character crafted just for you. Like an angel that fell to Earth.

You could stare at him forever.

He opened his eyes half-way through, confused why you weren’t answering, “Y/N?”

You had a choice.

You could go back to Aera’s and help Mina with the stock, yet be consumed by thoughts of Hyunjin all day.

Or —

“No, work was…great” You smiled, giving in.

Giving in to the only thing you could ever want.

Him.

“I’m so glad” Dimples appeared in his cheeks, as he smiled, “I hope Mina didn’t overwork you”

You walked over to him, voice soft to not disrupt his sleepy subconscious, “She didn’t”

“Are you tired?”

“Yeah”

His lips curled into a frown, rubbing his eyes again, “Oh. So…you have to go home?”

Another choice.

It was time to stop resisting.

“No. I don’t have to go”

But it would always be him.

“Is it all right if I stay here with you, Hyun?” 

The smile grew on his face, reaching all the way to his puffy eyes, and he instantly shifted, to make way for you, “Of course”

You don’t know what you were thinking, or if you even were thinking. You slipped off your sneakers, pushing them under the bed, next to the discarded items Hyunjin had long forgotten about. 

Your hesitation disappeared, and it ceased to exist, so you climbed into Hyunjin’s bed.

The bed was small, not nearly big enough for the two of you, but it didn’t matter because you squeezed yourself next to him. Hyunjin pressed himself up against the wall, making way for your body, and to share his pillow with you.

There were no words spoken, like it was habit - routine that you just slipped in next to him, like you weren't friends who could never be lovers, like this was what your everyday looked like, like this was all normal.

It was your first time climbing into his bed, but it felt like the most natural thing to do, like it was your fate, no matter how mundane it was.

The only sound was the ruffling of sheets, as he pulled the blanket over your body to cover you up. 

The bed was so little - all of your limbs touched his, and your noses were inches apart, sharing the same breath on his baby blue pillow.

“Are you comfortable?” He voiced.

“Mmh” You reached over, hand tracing his cheek, “You?”

“I’m perfect” He smiled, a yawn overtaking him soon after, “Although I’m still soo tired…it’s like I barely got any sleep”

You laughed, knowing he voiced the truth, “Go back to sleep, Hyun”

He nodded, “And…what about you?”

You slid your hand under the pillow, staring at him, “I will too"

Hyunjin’s hand moved under the blanket, reaching over to your waist. He pulled you closer, his chest pressing against yours, and your fond heart melted.

“You deserve to rest. You work too hard” He mumbled.

The guilt of skipping work crept over you, but…you needed to be selfish today, and you’d never felt this kind of calm before.

It was just one day you missed.

He was forever.

The way his legs fit between yours, and his hand on your body, was forever.

He tilt his head, voice coming out whiny in his reverie, “What are you thinking?”

“Just…about you”

“What about me?” He whispered.

You pushed back the uneven hair from his eyes, and his forehead, words slow because sleep was crawling over the two of you like a wave in the ocean, “I wish I could make everything easier for you”

A dimple appeared in his cheek, “You already do”

You smiled at his words, eyes drifting shut, but you had to ask,“Your head…does it still hurt?”

Hyunjin didn’t answer, and you thought he must already fallen asleep, but when you opened your eyes, he was looking right at you.

Eyes half-lidded, he was staring at you, “You’re so beautiful…”

Heart squeezed in your chest, an unsafe amount of emotions overwhelming you, and you mumbled, “Hyun…”

There was so much to say, but you couldn’t even comprehend your feelings in the moment. His body was so warm, safe, familiar, and it belonged there, and nothing could convince you otherwise. His eyes were so puffy and they kept drifting shut, and then just like that…he was asleep.

You stared at him as he fell asleep, at a loss for words. You thought you were getting used to the way you felt around Hyunjin, but truthfully you could perhaps never get used to it.

You’d never felt this way before.

You’d do anything for him.

You would do whatever he wanted in the world, and go wherever he wanted you to, and the thought was so scary that you almost cried.

It was good that he fell asleep, because the next words at the tip of your tongue were far too dangerous to be said at a time like this.

You would have told him you loved him. 

You were sure of it.

You loved him more than it was possible for humans to love each other, more than it was possible for you to love a boy you met just this summer, more than you should love someone you could never be with.

Just one second longer, and you would have blurted it out, because it was too strong an emotion to hold back anymore.

It’s a good thing he fell asleep when he did, and it was a good thing you didn’t say it.

If you told him how you truly felt about him, he would leave you.

You were sure of that, too.

»»————-

You woke slowly, and then all at once, eyes blinking awake, a steady heartbeat pulsing under your ear.

It took you a few seconds, to gather your bearings and to pull yourself out of this slumber, trying to make sense of where you were.

You’d been dreaming of stars…and you opened your eyes to the sun.

The blinds were pulled shut, subdued sunlight hitting the room.

Your fingers were clutching onto fabric, a t-shirt, and you were on top of Hyunjin.

Somehow, you’d moved in your sleep, your head pressed into his chest, which would explain why the first thing you heard was the sound of his heart.

Hyunjin’s chest rose, and fell, soft, calm. 

His face was pressed into your hair, and you wonder how he could even breathe, pushed up so close to you. His fingers dug into your sweatshirt, arm still wrapped around your waist.

What time was it?

There was no clock in his room, and you shifted, to reach for your tote bag. It lay by the side of the bed, your phone half-way out. You stretched your arm, but it was still out of reach. 

You didn’t want to wake him up, so you settled for not knowing what time it was, and perhaps you could exist in this moment forever, and never have it be stolen from you.

“It’s…just past ten” He breathed, and you shifted, to look at him. Your arm drifted, grazing his stomach, and it wasn’t until your fingers touched his bellybutton piercing that you realised his shirt had ridden entirely up, revealing bare skin.

“You’re awake” You stated, pulling yourself out of sleep, but everything was still hazy and blurry.

His eyes drifted open completely, “Mmh. I am”

He’d been awake a while, it seemed.

The reality of the situation set in.

You flushed, pulling your hand off his abdomen, even though you’d been enjoying the taut muscles of his stomach.

“Sorry…” You mumbled, “How long have you been up?”

Despite being wide awake, Hyunjin didn’t stop holding you.

“An hour…”

“An hour?!” Your eyes widened, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

He smiled, “Because you needed the rest”

“But…” You felt conscious, “Fuck, sorry, I was basically pinning you down, and you must have wanted to get up, to feed Kkami”

“Don’t worry, I already fed him” He laughed, chest moving with every chuckle.

You frowned, “You…did? How?”

“How?” He repeated your question.

“How did you…feed him?”

He laughed again, confused, “I got up and put food in his bowl”

The realisation sank in.

Hyunjin got up, fed Kkami, and then he—

“You came back to bed after that?”

He smiled, “I wasn’t going to leave you alone, you looked so comfortable”

Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at him.

You had been asleep, and he did all that without waking you. 

He…climbed out of the blanket, the bed, and then back in, snuggling up to you, holding you even tighter than before, without ever managing to wake you up.

A bashful smile tugged at your lips at the mental image, “I see”

“Mmh” He tilt his head, “Did you sleep well?”

“I did”

“Even after you lied to me?”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What?”

“You told me that you had a good day at work”

“Oh…”

“You didn’t have to skip work for me, Y/N. I was only kidding before”

You sat up, trying to fix your hair which must have been a mess after that unplanned nap, “I wanted to stay”

Hyunjin got up too, crossing his legs over the duvet, “Mina won’t be mad at you, right?”

You shook your head, rubbing the tiredness out of your eyes, “I can just take the afternoon shift”

He ran a hand through his sleep hair, pushing it back. You got lost in the way he did, brown curls falling across his jaw.

“When did you even get the time to dye it?”

A hoarse laugh escaped him, voice still groggy from sleep, “Late last night or early this morning…however you see it, after I finished taking to Chan”

“That’s why you got no sleep”

“Yup”

“Can I ask why you did it, Hyun?”

“I guess I just…needed a change. With everything that’s been happening” He looked down at his dye-stained hands, “I wanted to feel more like myself”

“And this…” You ran your hands through his hair, “…makes you feel more like yourself?”

He chuckled, “It’s silly, isn’t it?”

“No, not really”

 He nodded, “I guess I needed to remind myself of why I’m doing all of this. The last time I had my hair like this…I was still just a kid, before I had this kind of life”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” He laughed, breathy, “I remember, at that time… I dreamed of debuting and making it big, and I was so…focused. It was like I had tunnel vision. I never thought this far ahead or about the stuff that comes after you become famous. I guess I was naive. But now when I look at myself in the mirror, it’ll be like looking at the seventeen year old version of me, and maybe I can dream his dreams again”

You smiled, running your hand across his jaw, “You’ve come so far, Hyun. I’m…really really proud of you”

His eyes crinkled as he looked at you, “You are?”

“Of course” You shifted onto your knees, to caress his cheek better, “I think you’re one of the strongest people I know”

Hyunjin’s hands landed on your thigh, and he laughed bitterly, “Thank you…but if I was actually strong, I wouldn’t have had to come back to town, or go through all of this shit”

Your heart clenched, and you nodded, “Right…”

If he was strong, he wouldn’t be here.

Maybe you were happy that he wasn’t strong.

A wave of guilt washed over you, so you turned away. 

You’d overstayed your welcome, and…Mina would be waiting for you.

Hyunjin’s hand on your wrist stopped you, “Wait. That’s not what I mean, Y/N”

“You don’t have to explain, Hyun” You spoke, putting your feet on the ground, hoping the cold floor would wake you up, but the floor was warm, warm like the bed, like his embrace.

Hyunjin stopped you from getting up. 

His grip on your arm pulled you back, closer to where he sat on the bed.

He explained himself, “No, I mean…I don’t regret it, at all. I just wish it was under better circumstances, you know? Coming back home…”

You wish it was under a better situation too.

You turned to look at him, “Yeah…but what did you really get out of coming back? A…drama-filled summer, a splitting headache, and…a really messy haircut”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “You think it’s messy?”

The tension was forgotten in seconds, and you couldn’t help but laugh, “Your bangs are…like completely messed up. I take it that this was your first time trimming it yourself, without a team full of stylists to help you”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me before” He narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean they’re messed up?” 

“They’re really uneven. It’s cute…but maybe you shouldn’t go out with this hair” you said, watching how the strands fell to his eyebrows.

“So, let me get this right. While I was baring my soul to you about my dreams, you were thinking about my hair?”

A giggle escaped you, “Maybe you can fix it”

His eyes widened, “You…you know how?”

“No…but…I can try”

“Okay, follow me” He got out of bed, gesturing for you to follow him, and you didn’t think he meant right now. 

He stepped into his bathroom, clearing the counter, and you noticed how tight his sweatpants suddenly seemed, stretching at the crotch.

You kept your distance, watching as he placed a box of tissues, and toothbrush holder to the side, trying not to focus on that. It was distracting.

You knew how anatomy worked, and you knew he couldn’t control that he woke up with morning wood, but it still made your brain fuzzy, like a stupid girl in love.

“Okay” He looked up you, and your gaze flickered back up to his face because there was no way you’d be caught staring at his fucking crotch.

“I’ve never done this before, so if I mess up…you can’t be mad at me” You spoke, as he hopped onto the marble counter, legs dangling off. He looked cute, staring up at you.

You don’t even know how you got here, from bringing him coffee this morning to napping in his bed, and to now attempting to cut his hair.

He ran a hand through his hair, “You just need to trim the ends, make it even, right?”

“Yeah” You stepped up to him. 

His shoulders relaxed, as he leaned back on the counter, “You’ll be fine. It’s not that hard”

You reached up to brush back his hair, “I mean, I think you did a pretty good job already. How long do you want them?”

“Just so they don’t fall into my eyes…” He told you, craning to look at himself in the mirror behind.

“Do you have a towel?” You asked.

His eyebrow shot up, a teasing smirk on his face, “A professional, are we?”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s just so it’s easier to clean, Hyun”

He smiled, pointing back to his room, “There should be a new one in my closet, on the upper shelf”

His wardrobe was surprisingly organised as you sifted through it, trying to find the towel. 

Your gaze landed on a ribbed burgundy t-shirt; you’d never seen him in it before. A silver zipper ran till the chest. You couldn’t even imagine how good he’d look in this.

“Did you just get this?” You asked, walking back with it, along with a towel.

Hyunjin was reading the label on a candle he lit, and he looked up at you, “Yeah. I haven’t got a chance to wear it”

“Oh, okay”

His lips tugged up, “You want me to put it on for you?”

You flushed, putting it back, “No, I was just curious”

“I’ll wear it for you later” He laughed, knowing you far too well because you’d never have asked, but you needed to see him in it.

Placing the towel on his lap, over his taut sweatpants, you hoped it would also serve as stopping the very obvious distraction. He didn’t even seem embarrassed or affected by it though. 

He hummed, “Thank you”

You laughed, tossing the hair in your hands, “Thank me after I’m done, this may turn out to look like shit”

“It won’t” He assured you, and you grabbed your phone.

“What are you doing?” He asked, “Texting while I’m asking you to help me?”

“I’m not texting” You rolled your eyes, tilting the screen to show him.

He read off your screen, “Step by step: How to a man’s hair”

“I don’t wanna mess up” You explained.

He giggled, loud laughter filling the bathroom, “Oh my god. You’re referring to a Wikihow article? I am truly doomed”

“They’re helpful sometimes, asshole” You pout, “We need to get your hair wet”

He nodded, leaning onto the mirror behind him, as you ran your hands under the sink to get them wet.

“It’ll be easier if I get in the shower” He suggested, and you glanced at him.

There was a smirk on his face at the recommendation.

“I…don’t think that’s necessary” You stated, flushing under his stare.

“It’s not like I’m going to get naked, Y/N” He laughed, “Don’t worry about it”

You shook your head, running your hands through his bangs to get them wet, droplets falling into his eyes. His eyes fluttered shut, and the drops of water trailed down his neck.

“Your shirt will get wet though” You added quietly, trying not to fixate on the trail of water that had made parts of his shirt see-through.

He blinked, wet hair falling into his face, “We should probably take it off then”

“Yeah” You swallowed, paused in your movements.

Hyunjin laughed, “Oh come on, it’s not like you’ve never seen me shirtless. You seem embarrassed—”

You immediately tugged at his shirt, pushing it up his chest, perhaps to prove that you weren’t affected by this. His eyes widened, and he clearly hadn’t expected you to take the initiative, but he smiled to himself, lifting his arms up, so you could pull it off completely. 

Once you got it over his head, and arms, he was flushing red.

“I don’t know Hyun” You hummed, “You’re the one who seems embarrassed now”

“Stop” He laughed. 

You tried not to get distracted, but in the soft light of the bathroom, his muscles seemed even more pronounced, the twinkle in his bellybutton catching your eye more often than you’d want.

You took in a deep breath, holding a hairbrush up, “Here goes nothing”

“If you ruin my hair, you should know some stylists in Seoul are gonna be very unhappy”

You laughed, untangling all the knots, “So…no pressure then, right?”

He shrugged, “Mmh, none at all”

“And they’re not going to be unhappy with your dye-stained hands?” 

He held his palms up, staring at them, as you pulled his hair taut, “It’ll wash off soon enough”

“Close your eyes” You spoke, “I don’t want to hurt you”

He nodded, and you carefully trimmed the front ends, choppy pieces of his bangs falling onto the towel in his lap. You had to make sure it was even, as you measured it roughly, and you’d never been a hairdresser but all those years engaging in crafts surely came handy now.

“You’re quiet” He spoke.

“I don’t want to mess up”

Hyunjin’s hand suddenly found it’s way to your waist, and you stilled, scissors in hand, “Unless you want me to accidentally stab you in the eye…don’t do that…not without warning”

He glanced up at you, despite the precarious position, gulping, “Sorry”

Just as he was about to move his hand back, you stopped him, “I…I didn’t say you have to stop touching me”

Realisation passed over his face, and he nodded, gripping you tighter.

Now that he held you, you felt more anchored, confidence flowing. You focused on what was left of the task, trimming the rest of his bangs as he watched you. 

Any other moment, you would feel conscious, because you were the only thing he was looking at, but today you didn’t.

“Are you almost done?” He asked, voice soft.

“Almost” You promised, putting the pink scissors away, to look at him.

The light-brown bangs fell just above his eyebrows, growing longer at the side, tucked behind his ears. The rest of the hair brushed his bare collarbones, almost a mullet in the back, shorter in the front.

There was barely anything to even fix, and maybe you just needed a dumb reason to be so close to him again. He knew that too, yet he indulged you.

You let yourself stare at him, seconds stretching into minutes.

It was perfect.

“Is it… all right?” He asked.

His eyes were blown wide, and curious, teeth biting into his plush lower lip, with apprehension.

“It’s beautiful, Hyun” You admitted.

His smile grew, “Really?”

You nodded, putting away the towel on his lap, “If you went to my school, everyone would have had a crazy crush on you”

His eyebrows shot up, “That’s…random”

You bit your lip, “I’ve been thinking about that a lot”

“About…school?”

“No” You shook your head, “About how things used to be. Everything seemed simpler back then”

He nodded silently, as if understanding exactly what you meant. After all, he’d just been talking about a similar thing -- about how things were easier before he debuted.

“Did you…have school too?” You asked him.

He laughed, “Of course I did”

“In Seoul?”

He nodded.

“Why didn’t you just go to the one here…in Daejon? Isn’t this your home?”

He smiled, “I had to go to the academy every day to train, before and after my lessons. It would have been impossible to travel so much if I was in Daejon”

“So you never visited home? What about your aunt? This is her place, right?”

He nodded, “It is, I’m taking care of it for her while she’s away”

“And your parents?”

“They moved with me to the city…” He explained.

“Do you miss them...now that you’re here?”

His gaze softened, “Yeah, I do, but…even when I was there, I couldn’t meet them often. I would try to talk to my mum every day at first, but over time that became…really tough”

“Why?”

“I was just…insanely busy. Not that it’s an excuse, but I just let myself get carried by the work, by the... responsibilities and what was expected of me”

Your hands gripped onto his bare shoulders, “When you go back, you’ll be busy again”

“Yeah”

“When do you even make time for yourself, between…all of that?”

He shrugged, “I...don’t. That’s why I cherish moments like this the most”

“I see” 

He tilt his head, “Do you think we’d be friends…if I went to your school in Daejon, instead of in the city?”

“Probably not”

Hyunjin frowned, “Wow. You didn’t even have to think about that”

You smiled, apologetic, “No, I just mean…I’d probably be too intimidated to approach you, and…you’d definitely be dating the most popular girl in high school”

He rolled his eyes, “Stop. That would never happen”

“Right. I forgot you don’t date”

His eyebrows knit together and he tilt his head, “You know that’s not what I meant”

You absentmindedly fiddled with the string on his sweats, twirling it within your fingers, “Hmm”

“What kind of girl were you, in high school anyway?” He asked, lazily leaning back against the mirror, allowing you a more prominent view of his collarbones, and his bare chest.

“What do you mean?” You laughed, “I was…the same”

His eyes were full of amusement as he watched you speak, and you couldn’t comprehend how…easy this felt. How domestic. 

Hyunjin sat across you, shirtless and just in sweatpants, as you talked about the most mundane things at eleven in the morning.

Is this what it’d be like? 

If he let himself love you?

“Minho told me differently”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What did he say?”

Hyunjin laughed, eyes crinkling into crescents, “He just said you were different, that you were…much louder”

You tilt your head, “As all teenagers are”

“He also told me you failed Art once”

You gasped, “He did?”

Hyunjin giggled, “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“The professor…felt differently than me. I actually had a full-blown argument with him in class” You recalled, “Man. I don’t think I’d do that today. I kind of regret it”

He smiled, “I’d love to see that. I’ve never seen you…angry. If it makes you feel any better, I’d definitely fail that art class too”

You laughed, “Why?”

He leaned forward suddenly, closing the little distance between you, “Why do you think?”

You lost your train of thought, getting swept up in his gaze, “I don’t know…”

“I would be too distracted… staring at you” 

Your heart sank, at what could have been, “Yeah…”

He laughed, breathy, “I’m sorry. I…shouldn’t say stuff like that, right?”

Your chest felt heavy, eyes landing to the floor, or anything else, “Yeah. You shouldn’t”

“But you have to know” He cupped your cheek, tilting your chin to look at him.

“Know…what?”

He swallowed, “That…I wish everyday for things to be different, and sometimes I wish I was just a boy you met in high school, instead of…who I am right now”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” You frowned.

“It’s true. Things would be simpler if I was just…some Hyunjin, wouldn’t they? A nobody”

“No... Hyun, you can’t wish for that. You worked so much to be this. You are who you are, because that’s who you’re supposed to be”

“Supposed to?”

“Aren’t you the one who was reading all about stuff that fate earlier? Don’t you believe that you’re here right now in this part of your life, because you’re meant to be?”

He frowned, “Does that mean I’m…supposed to suffer too?”

“Suffer? That’s…a harsh word”

“You don’t agree?”

You nodded, “Things would be simpler, of course…but you told me that you don’t mind the bad stuff, because you love what you do”

“So you don’t wish for things to be different?”

You swallowed, admitting, “Obviously it would be easier if you were just Hyunjin, a boy from my art class, instead of…a world-famous member of a band"  

“You should stop thinking of me that way” He interrupted, pulling you closer between his legs.

“Even if I stop thinking of you like that, it doesn’t change the truth”

His eyes were soft as he spoke, “Maybe you can forget about it for a day”

“Forget who you are?” You laughed, “Before I knew that about you, it didn’t matter to me at all, but now...it affects every part of your life…it’s hard to just ignore what’s real”

What happened with Jisung just further solidified that for you. Hyunjin had run away from the fame, but it still found him, festering into his heart and mind. Miles away, he worried about it, defeating the sole purpose of him coming here.

His thumbs brushed under your shirt, “I know, but just for a day, don’t think about that”

“What should I think about then?”

“Think about how nice it’d be…if we were in another world, where I wasn’t me”

You frowned, “But who you are is... perfect. I don’t want that to change”

He closed his eyes, “I know you don’t…I’m sorry. I know it’s upsetting, but…I wish for a lot of stuff”

You leaned closer, brushing your thumb against his jaw, “What do you wish for?”

He leaned in, gaze piercing through your soul, “I wish for…a normal life. Wouldn’t I be happier then?”

Your heart stirred, “We all suffer, Hyun, even when we lead normal lives”

Hyunjin’s hand slipped around your neck, the space between your mouths almost negligible, “You want to know what true suffering really is, for me?”

“Yeah?”

“Being this close to you…and not getting to have you in the way I want”

Your voice trembled, “And…what way is that?”

“In every way that’s possible…I want you”

You moved in the same breath that he did, crushing his mouth to yours, before he could even finish speaking.

It didn’t matter who moved first. Your lips were on his, and he let out a satisfied groan, as you swallowed his words, his breath, his taste.

Your hands slipped into his freshly-cut hair, frantic as you kissed him, and he devoured you in open-mouthed kisses, and you could feel it all the way down to your toes, within the crevices of your heart, within the depths of your soul.

It was electrifying, the way he gave into you, like it was muscle memory at this point.

“Y/N-” A groan escaped his lips, between pecks. His hands slid around your waist. He pulled you flush to the counter until your hips met his, thighs closing around your body to trap you in his embrace.

A bottle of hand-soap knocked over onto the floor, as did the pair of scissors you’d held so delicately before, and earlier it was so tranquil but now it was so rushed.

He tilt his head, mouth crushed against yours, and it was already messy, saliva dripping down his chin, but you didn’t care.

Not after what he just said.

He tasted of lazy Saturday mornings, of books about fate, of home.

He tasted fucking perfect.

“Let me make you feel good” You whispered, “Please, please, please”

Despite the growing lust, he was still fucking polite, shaking his head, “No, let me-”

You pushed your tongue into his mouth to interrupt him, words slipping out in a rush, “You don’t have to suffer, not when it comes to me”

“I know” He whined fervently, in a heated daze. You were both burning up, and it was so hot inside this room, but he was the hottest boy that had ever existed. You wanted to do so much, but your time together wasn’t infinite, and the things you wanted to do to him were.

“Please let me do this” You mumbled, pecking his lips over and over.

“What are you going to do?” He whispered.

You fingers rest in his hair, and you pulled at the strands to tilt his head back with enough harshness to make him whine, allowing you access to his neck. 

Within seconds, you pressed a trail of kisses down his throat and jaw, nipping at his ear. 

“Fuck-” He moaned, as you bit onto his neck. Your other hand travelled up his body, fingers brushing against his chest, and his hips bucked up into nothing.

You should be more careful. You wanted to be delicate, but you couldn’t stop, and he couldn’t either, as he slowly rocked his hips against yours, to relieve the friction.

Hyunjin was restless, squirming, as you did so, and he suddenly whined, “Baby, don’t mark me”

You pulled back to look at him, “Why?”

His eyes were half-lidded but clearly he was still thinking straight, panting, “Someone… could see”

The disappointment must have been evident in your face because he immediately kissed you, whispering, “You can do anything else to me, I’m sorry”

You indulged him in the kiss, feeling his tongue in your mouth, as he explored you, grip strong on your jaw. His other hand pushed your sweatshirt up, and his lips were so fucking swollen, dripping with spit - yours and his.

It was messy, his hair was wet, and his hands were stained with dye as they travelled up your body, tracing each curve, under your sweatshirt. They brushed the wire of your bra, and he immediately paused, puling back to ask for permission.

Hyunjin had touched you before, but he’d always been so fucking respectful, never going into unfamiliar territory. Despite the heat of the moment, his eyes were shy, as he silently asked you if he could go further.

“You can…keep going” You nodded, pressing your lips to his again. 

It was all the approval that he needed, before his large hands squeezed your tits and you moaned, “Hyun-”

“Last night-” He began speaking, voice hoarse, “I wanted to touch you so fucking bad”

“Me too” You breathed, “You made me crazy…with what you said. I’m sorry I couldn’t come over”

“I’m sorry too” He apologised so sweetly, but he groped you so filthily, fingers pulling back the lace of your bra, ”I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel good, when that’s all I ever fucking want to do”

He made you clench, “Fuck, Hyun I promise when I came over this morning, I…I wasn’t expecting this”

He shook his head, kissing the corner of your mouth, “I know, I know, you were just being so fucking sweet, you’re always so sweet”

“I was— I was just so worried about you” You admitted, but every word was difficult when you couldn’t breathe. Every word was difficult when his tongue slipped into your mouth, and you gave up on speaking, to just taste and devour him.

“I know. You care about me far too much” He mumbled, pulling back to gaze at you.

“Does it still hurt you?” 

“If I say yes--”

“I’ll make it go away” You promised.

“How?” He breathed, chest heaving, wondering what you could possibly do to take away the pain.

Your hand landed on his lap, and he was clearly so turned on, and you gently squeezed him through his sweatpants.

A loud moan escaped him, back arching at the sudden sensation, “Oh my god…”

“Is it okay if I go on?” You asked, against his lips.

“Please, I might die if you stop”

You smiled at his words,“You’re hard”

“I know” He chuckled, eyes half-lidded.

“Is that because I kissed you?” You teased, pecking kisses down his jaw, as you palmed his cock through his sweats, “Or is it because I’m touching you?”

“It’s because you’re you” He groaned, head thrown back against the mirror.

Suddenly, a buzzing caught your attention, and your phone vibrated against the bathroom counter. Still, you didn’t stop touching him.

“Baby…” He moaned, his voice was hoarse, trying to find his way to a sentence, “Your…your work”

“Don’t think about that right now” You told him, kissing under his ear, sucking over the sensitive spot, “Just let me take care of you”

Your hands hovered over the string of his sweats, “Can I?”

He nodded, frantically, “I told you. Do whatever you want...to me. You don’t even have to ask”

“Okay” You undid the knot, loosening the waistband of his sweatpants, and Hyunjin held his breath, abs clenching tightly, as you slipped your hand inside, feeling him bare.

He let out a whimper, “Oh god”

Your fingers wrapped around his entire length, and you’d touched him before, the first time that you kissed him, but things were different now.

“Fuck” He grit his teeth, “If I don’t last long-”

“Don’t worry about that” You told him. It was stupid and silly how your brain short-circuited; all you could think of was how hard and big he was. 

“Wait-” He interrupted, and you looked up at him, wondering if he changed his mind. Instead of asking you to stop, he grabbed your hand. 

You watched, curious, as he lift it to his own mouth, his lips wrapping against your fingers, wetting them.

It dawned on you what he was doing, and maybe you were so far gone that you’d forgotten how to even do this, and you felt embarrassed, but Hyunjin didn’t let you feel embarrassed for too long. The sight of him with your fingers in his mouth was so absolutely insane that you had to remind yourself to stay still, and not pounce on him in that very moment.

He pulled them out, with a pop, spit trailing down his swollen lips, “It’s easier… this way”

You immediately slipped your hand back into his sweatpants, tugging at his cock. It was easier now with spit on your hands, and it was better as you gripped him tightly. He was so warm, leaking already, and you wanted to just feel him inside you.

It was only the morning, and maybe that’s why he was flushing red, squirming as you touched him in broad daylight, and he pressed his mouth to yours, too shy to look into your eyes.

Too shy, but far too turned on, as his cock twitched with every tug of your hand, hips bucking to feel more of you.

Your grip was steady, thumb brushing against his tip and you learnt that he loved that, because his whines got louder when you did, curse words escaping his lips. 

“Oh my god” He groaned, and his mouth fell open, eyes squeezing shut.

“Do you like that, Hyun?” You asked him, “You like being touched?”

“Fuck. You’re going to make me come so fucking fast” He mumbled, embarrassed, hands gripping the marble counter.

Your pace increased, squeezing him every other second, and it had been so long since you’d given a handjob that you would get tired but of course he was helping you out, rocking his hips into your hand to match your pace.

He was unable to keep still, knuckles turning white, sweat dripping down his chest, drenching his abs.

He was so sensitive, and it was tough because your hand was restrained by the elastic of his sweat, but he kept squirming, so you gripped his thigh with your other hand, “Stay still, Hyunnie”

“I can’t” He whimpered, a tear slipping out, “It feels so good”

You kissed the edge of his mouth, as his moans got louder and your pace increased, hand gliding up and down with ease. It would be easier if his sweatpants were off, but you’d lose it if you saw him like that.

A loud ringer threatened to pull your attention away.

“Someone…someone is calling you again” He breathed.

“They can wait” You cut him off with another kiss, and his hips bucked up into your hands, legs wrapping tight around you.

“Y/N-” He moaned, the veins in his neck strained as he held back. 

Your phone was ringing, but you didn’t care about it right now. You’d been interrupted countless times in the past, and today you would make him feel good, no matter what.

“Faster?” You asked.

“Yes, please” He pleaded.

You picked up the pace, squeezing his cock tightly and he bit down on his lip, harshly.

“I just wanna be buried inside you” He blurted, cheeks red, chest heaving, “I can’t imagine how good you’d feel”

“I’d let you do anything to me too, you know?”

“Really?”

“You can fuck me, anywhere… anytime that you want”

He swallowed, “Shit- I want that now”

You leaned closer, pressing your chest to his, “You want to fuck me?”

He bit his lip, “Y-Yes, but-”

He was so whiney, and it was so easy to tease him, “But you’re not supposed to. We’re not supposed to do this, right?”

“I don’t give a fuck about that. I need to be inside you. I dreamt about you, every night” He blurted, and you learnt that perhaps forbidden love was his turn-on.

“What do you dream about?”

“I dream about — Fuck. I dream about you, on top of me, and about - it’s so inappropriate”

“Tell me, please Hyun”

He nodded, wanting nothing more than to please, “I dream of tasting you, and I can’t imagine how sweet you’d taste, and I think about waking you up in the morning, and — ” 

He seemed like he was losing it, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, specks decorating his collarbones, and you were losing it too, at his words.

“Do you touch yourself to it? To those dreams?” You asked him, squeezing him again.

Tears brimmed at his eyes from the pleasure, and he shook his head, “I want to, but is that...is that okay with you?”

You smiled, kissing him, “Are you asking me if it’s okay?”

“Yeah” He breathed.

You pecked his cheek, and his ear, while stroking his cock, “You can think about me all you want when you touch yourself”

“Fuck” He groaned, “I’m so close. Please don’t stop, please”

“What do you need?” You whispered.

“Let me touch you” He begged, and you nodded, so his hands found their way to your body. 

He pulled you close, pushed your sweatshirt up, just enough to catch the lavender lace of your bra, in the early afternoon sun, “You’re so fucking hot”

You ran your fingers through the freshly-dyed hair, and when he felt your nails against his scalp, he moaned loudly, and you learnt that he loved having his hair pulled. 

You pulled at his hair, and his hips bucked, thrusting up into the air, head falling back, and with another tug inside his sweats, a loud moan escaped him.  

“Fuck—” He groaned, pink lips parting, eyes squeezed shut, cock twitching as he came in your hand, soaking you.

Small whines left his lips, and he rest his head against the mirror, and you continued touching him, and his legs trembled from the pleasure and the pain, until he was done.

It was only a regular Saturday morning but it was the most beautiful moment in your life.

You learnt that you could never feel as satisfied, as you did right now, revelling in his orgasm.

You stopped, in awe of him, until his breathing returned to normal. His hair was sticking to his face, and you pushed it back, and his chest was moving rapidly.

Hyunjin’s lips were bitten red and swollen, a sheen of sweet dripping down his abs, as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fuck” He muttered, opening his eyes to look at you, after he’d finally calmed down.

Slowly, you slipped your hands out of his sweats, and he noticed the mess he’d made, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. That’s-”

“Don’t say sorry” You told him, kissing his cheek.

“But I…let me clean it up” He felt embarrassed, post-coital haze taking over, and he reached for a tissue, wiping your hands with it.

You smiled at his tenderness.

He was red all over, as he wiped his release from your hands, “I’m sorry”

“Hyun” You interrupted him, “Relax”

His shoulders slacked, and he nodded, “Okay”

Like clockwork, your phone rang again.

Hyunjin’s gaze drifted to it, reading the caller ID, “Are they gonna be mad at you?”

“I don’t care” 

His eyes searched yours, and he nodded, and his cheeks were so red, and he was so endearing.

“How do you feel now?”

He let out a chuckle, pulling you closer, “What do you think?”

“I don’t know” You teased, nails grazing his abs. You were turned on beyond belief, the sight of Hyunjin like this enough to make you go insane, but it wasn’t about you right now, it was about him. 

When you got home, you’d think of him and this moment, and make yourself feel good.

You’d think of the moans, and the feeling of his cock in your hand, and you’d imagine it was him touching you.

“I promise this wasn’t my intention…when I asked you-”

“I know. You just wanted help with your hair” You interrupted him.

He laughed, “Yeah…and you helped me”

You tucked his hair behind his ear, still not used to his new look, “You look perfect, Hyun”

“I’m embarrassed” He admitted after a while, “I’m sorry if I was pushy or-”

“You weren’t” You assured him, only half-joking, “Now I know what I’m gonna be thinking about at work”

His eyes shot to yours, widening, “Y/N…”

You laughed, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I’m kidding”

“What about you?”

You laughed, “What about me?”

He smiled, coy, “Isn’t it my turn now?”

“Your turn to what?”

He leaned forward, voice dropping, “You’re…you’re not wet?”

You swallowed, because of fucking course you were, and then your phone rang again, for the fifth time in a row.

“I…I should get that” You stuttered, stepping away from him.

You don’t know why, but…you weren’t ready.

You weren’t ready for him to see you like that, even though every part of you wanted him. Maybe because you knew it couldn’t last. You feared that if Hyunjin touched you even just once, you’d never feel the same again.

So, you answered the sixth missed call, “Hello?”

Hyunjin watched you from where he sat.

Mina’s voice came in, “Oh my god, I thought you died or something”

“Yeah, sorry. I…wasn’t feeling well. I’ll be there soon” You replied, staring at the cabinet and how he’d arranged everything beautifully — a black cherry candle on the top shelf, a cerulean blue hand towel, and a tiny glass jar of hair-clips.

Your gaze darted to Hyunjin’s, and he was putting on his shirt now.

“Okay, I’ll see you there” Mina spoke, hanging up.

“You have to go?” He asked.

You turned to him, “Yeah, in a bit”

He stepped closer to you, “Are you all right?”

You nodded, “Mmh. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He smiled, pressing you into the counter, “Because you didn’t answer my question”

Your eyes widened, “Hyun-”

“I hope you don’t think of me as one of those guys”

“What guys?” You laughed.

“The guy… who’d let you just go to work without taking care of you too”

You gulped, “You don’t have to take care of me”

His expression fell, “You don’t want me to…?”

“No, it’s not that”

“Then tell me what it is” He asked, leaning in.

“Hyun…maybe later” You told him, “Mrs. Aera…will really hate me if I don’t show up”

He sighed, “Yeah. No one could ever hate you, though”

“Let’s not wait and find out” You laughed, grabbing your phone. As you headed for the door, Hyunjin watched you from the bathroom counter, but suddenly spoke, “Y/N”

“Yeah?” You turned.

He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. Your heart jumped at the suddenness, and the kiss was so soft, so slow.

“Thank you” He said, pulling away, just slightly, “For…cutting my hair”

“Of course” You smiled. His fingers brushed against the skin of your stomach, and he pulled you close again, finding your mouth with his for the second time in the same breath.

Immediately, you kissed him back, and his tongue slipped into your mouth, deepening the kiss.

“Thank you…for…” He mumbled again, between kisses. 

This time…you knew he wasn’t referring to the haircut.

Your mouth hovered close, nose touching his, “Don’t thank me, Hyun. I’ve only been dreaming about it forever”

“So...you dream about me too?” He asked, looking right into your eyes.

You laughed, hands coming up to his chest to push him away, “Shut up”

“Wait” He leaned in to kiss you again. You let yourself melt into his embrace, and you wanted to ask what the hell happened to his no-dating rule, and all of his damned rules about love, but you didn’t.

A chuckle escaped you, “You have to stop thanking me…”

“No, you just…you make me feel so good” He whispered, “I don’t deserve it”

Your eyebrows shot up.

Where did that come from?

“Hyun, I’ll be late” You told him, and you were crazy for willingly pulling away from him, but you wanted to respect Mrs. Aera and her time. 

There was no hurry. Hyunjin wasn’t going anywhere right now, and you’d have all the time in the world to kiss him when you got back from work.

There was still time.

“We’re meeting at the Creek later tonight, right? Yeonjun might come too”

“Tonight? I almost forgot about your futile mission to make me love Daejon again”

He pouted, and you wonder how he could look so adorable after doing something so filthy, “Don’t call it futile”

“We’ll see who’s right” You hummed, adjusting your sweatshirt.

“Have a good day at work”

You felt like teasing him again, just a bit, “Maybe you should change your sweats after I leave”

He flushed red, “Stop. You’re the one that couldn’t resist me, and all just because I changed my hair”

You narrowed your eyes, “Unfair. You win”

He smiled, cheek dimpling, “I know”

»»————-

Work felt a lot like hell that afternoon. 

As you sorted through the new paint, all you thought of was him.

His moans haunted you, his nose scrunching in pleasure, spit trailing down his swollen lips.

What came over you to do such a thing?

How did he let you?

The answer, of course, was simple enough.

Fucking lust. Or love. For you, it was both.

It seemed like he’d realized that you couldn’t stay away from each other, and you were thankful that you didn’t have to pretend to resist each other anymore. 

“Acrylics?”

“Huh?” You looked up from where you were bent on the floor, hands buried in bubble wrap.

“Could you pass me the acrylics?” Mina repeated, standing tall on a ladder, trying to stock the upper shelves. 

“Right. Sure” You reached into the cardboard box behind you. A new edition of paint bottles lay there, named summer pastels, and you handed it over to Mina.

Just a few hours more that you had to make it through.

You were meeting him and Jun by the Creek later for a night swim, and the thought of seeing him so soon again excited you. There was so much to do with him and you were looking forward to the rest of the summer.

He definitely seemed eager to explore the rest of Daejon, and you had to take him to the night market, the summer solstice festival in the park, to a paintball fest, the list was endless.

You wanted to teach him your favourite techniques about art. He’d asked for your help after all. You’d help him excel in watercolour, and gouache, and maybe he’d love impressionism. It was surreal, and dreamy just like him and you could imagine the landscapes you could paint together.

How amazing would that be?

If you and him worked on a painting together.

Your styles were so different, but they’d meld together so well, and you’d let him take the lead. You could imagine how proud he’d feel.

You hope you wouldn’t get too distracted and caught up in each other, and would actually finish the painting, and god, it would be so hot if there was paint all over him-

“You’re distracted” Mina pointed out, stretching to reach the upper shelf as she stocked new sharpies.

“I’m just tired” 

She smiled, “Thinking about a boy?”

“What else did you want me to hand you?”

“You’re cute when you’re flustered, Y/N”

“I’m not flustered. I told you…I’m tired”

Your phone buzzed, and you immediately reached for it, before realising that you were technically at work, and you shouldn’t be so eager. 

Still, Mina caught onto that.

“Oh my god” She laughed, “Who is he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You put your phone face down, so you wouldn’t be tempted to check. 

“Yeah you do” She smiled, “Don’t be embarrassed of it”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, because nothing is going on” You felt like a broken record repeating that, but it was the truth.

Your phone buzzed again, and you peeked at the messages. 

They were from Seungmin.

seungmin:

hey yn

i think you may be at work but I can't get in touch with hyunjin

whenever you do, can you ask him if the refund for the last payment came in?

you:

refund for what?

seungmin:

the art classes

at the château 

he was registered for the whole summer before, but since he’s not attending them anymore, we’re refunding him

you:

what?

he cancelled the classes?

“Y/N. I arranged the colors the way you like. Is it okay?” Mina interrupted, and you looked up at her, confused by what you’d just learnt.

“Yeah. It’s okay” You mumbled, reaching for your phone again.

“Can you please text whoever he is after work? I need some help with the canvas” She asked.

You nodded, “Of course. Sorry”

Hyunjin probably had a really good reason for cancelling the classes, maybe it was getting too expensive for him, and you’d ask him about it later.

“Which one even is he?” She asked.

“What?”

“Which boy?” She grinned at you.

“It’s just Seungmin” You told her, “And you’re one to talk”

“What?” She asked.

“Earlier when I came by…I saw the daffodils. Who’s the secret admirer, Mina?” You laughed, turning the tables on her.

She laughed, stepping down from the ladder, “Those were for you, dumbass”

“What?” You glanced up at her, heart jumping.

“They’re in the back room. Since you didn’t come for the morning shift, I put them in some water so they wouldn’t die”

Your eyes widened, “Can I go see?”

“Of course, but come right back please. I need some help with the easels”

Hyunjin sent you flowers?

Why didn’t he tell you? He must have wanted it to be a surprise, and you immediately stood up, dusting the dirt off your jeans as you made your way to the back room. 

The daffodils were peeking out from a cut-up plastic water bottle, a stark contrast to the natural beauty of the flowers. Your heart melted. Mina had done her best, going so far as to putting them on the one shelf of the storage room that got sunlight.

As you stepped closer, the scent overwhelmed you. It had been so long since you’d gone to pick any flowers. 

The petals were delicate to your touch, and you turned the bouquet around. There was no note attached from him.

The flowers were enough though, and you smiled to yourself, making a mental note to take them home with you, and put them on the windowsill by your bed. 

You would thank him later. 

You wanted to cheer him up anyway, and since you were going to the Creek tonight, you knew the perfect fucking way to do that. You just couldn’t wait for him to see it.

“They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?” Mina asked.

You turned to see her standing by the door, “Yeah. They’re so beautiful”

“Someone is waiting out there for you” She nodded back toward the shop.

“Oh, I’ll be right there” You grabbed the fragile water bottle, carrying it back out with you.

You stopped in your tracks as you entered the shop again.

Curly hair falling to her shoulders, the color of rose-gold, heart-shaped glasses balanced atop her nose, she was flipping through a Daejon brochure.

“Yuqi?” You exclaimed.

She looked up, immediately pushing the glasses up her head, and her lips tugged into a gorgeous smile.

“Seems like you’ve been up to a lot while I’ve been away” She grinned, pointing to the tourist brochure in her hands.

“I’ve been up to nothing” You laughed, stepping up to pull her into a hug, holding the flowers in your other hand. 

“Fuck, it’s been so long” She hummed.

“When did you get back?” You asked, placing the temporary vase on the cash counter. You leaned against it, turning to face her.

She looked like a dream in denim dungarees and a tube top.

“I drove in early this morning. I was running a few errands for Yeonjun since then”

You crossed your arms, “Oh, he’s already making you work for him?”

She rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately, as his twin sister, I have no choice but to do it”

“What errands does he even have?” 

“Ice-cream to aid his broken heart”

“Oh” You pouted, “He told you about that, huh?”

“Texted me crying last night” She shrugged, “That’s kind of why I drove in last minute. I wasn’t supposed to come home until the fall”

You smiled, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sure he will be too”

“I’m like the worst therapist” She laughed, “But…I have dealt with assholes and heartbreak before, so I may just be the perfect person”

Your eyes fell to the brochure in her hands, “What are you even reading that for?”

“There’s a beautiful picture of you in it" She said, waving the paper around.

“What?” You grabbed it from her, flipping through the pages.

It was the new tourist brochure for Daejon, and just like she said, there was a picture of you.

It was from the Paint and Wine event at the Château. 

You were painting, smiling at someone off-camera, and you knew that it was obviously Hyunjin, but he hadn’t been a part of this frame.

Maybe that was better since you didn’t need any rumours around town. Still, it remind you of that night and how beautiful it was, well… until the part where Hyunjin told you he could never be in a relationship, or let himself love someone.

You folded and kept it away, looking back at Yeonjun’s sister.

“You said you drove here? From Busan?”

She nodded.

“You brought the red pickup?”

She laughed, not one for nostalgia or outspoken love, “Sometimes I think you love me just for my car”

Just outside the store window, was parked her gorgeous red pickup truck. You had countless memories associated with it — nights Yuqi would sneak you and Felix out for drives, to the night markets and candy shops in Samhae, up the hill, to the river when Minho had his fishing phase in school.

Observing your wistful expression, Yuqi smiled, “Don’t tell me you’re reminiscing high school already, Y/N”

“I’m not!” You defended, “But it was kind of fun. It was simple”

“It isn’t now?”

You shrugged, “Things have changed a lot since you were last here”

She stepped up to you, “I already know about Hana and Jun’s fallout; what else happened?”

You didn’t even know where to start. Yuqi had always been like an older sister to you, even though technically her and Yeonjun were the same age, but you’d hardly kept in touch ever since she moved.

She’d been so busy in her life, and there was so much she didn't know about you.

You fiddled with your charm bracelet, wondering how to sum up the best summer of your life, “I uh, I met a boy”

Her eyebrows shot up, “What the actual fuck? Tell me everything”

“Sure, but I have to help out Mina too” You laughed, moving back to the supplies, “You’re coming tonight, right?”

“To the Creek? Yeah, Yeonjun told me he’s going” She questioned.

“You should come! You can meet him there”

Her eyes widened, “The boy you met, he’s coming tonight too?”

You smiled, “Yeah. It was actually his plan to go in the first plan”

“Fuck. Is he cute?”

“Mmh. He is” You laughed, pushing the cart of supplies towards Mina as she stocked them, rolling her eyes at your and Yuqi’s conversation.

“You ladies are not passing the Bechdel test” Mina laughed, from the top step of the ladder.

You glanced up at her, “You know what that is?”

“Of course. How dumb do you think I am” She laughed.

Yuqi leaned against the shelf, crossing her arms, “What is the Bechdel test?”

“Like...a way of figuring out if a film or book represents women without the stereotypes or sexism, and in order to pass the test, the book should have more than one conversation between women...which isn’t about men” You explained.

Yuqi laughed, “Well, fuck me. You’re still telling me all about the hot boy you met this summer. The Bechdel test can sue me”

»»————-

Hyunjin was waiting for you by the forest trail, later that night. Liquid dripped from his lips as he sucked on a cherry, and he had a bunch in his hand.

He looked adorable, hands tucked into denim jeans, his hair pushed under a baseball cap. 

“Where did you get those?” 

He glanced up, a small smile on his lips, “Hey” 

He pulled into a half-hug because of how messy his hands were.

“Hey” 

His lips were redder than ever, juice from the fruit dripping down his neck. It did something to you, and you looked away, not wanting to relive your thoughts that overtook you at work. 

He bit into another cherry, “I picked them out earlier by myself. At first, I wasn’t sure how to know which ones are fresh, because back in Seoul, I just buy them from the 7/11 under our dorm, but I don’t know, there’s something truly satisfying about picking your own fruit, you know?”

“Wow. How will you ever adapt to living in the city again?” You laughed.

His eyes crinkled, “Very sadly”

“I got your flowers, by the way” You smiled.

His eyebrows shot up, “What flowers?”

“The daffodils…that you got me?” You laughed, looking up at him.

Hyunjin seemed confused, which confused you further, “Um…”

“You…weren’t the ones who sent me those?”

He shook his head, an unreadable expression on his face, “No, that…wasn’t me”

“Oh okay. Never mind... How long have you been waiting here?” You asked, wanting to change the topic because that was fucking awkward, tugging your tote bag higher up your shoulder.

“You’re not late. I just got here early” He explained.

“To pick cherries?”

“Nope, I just needed to get out of the house”

“Oh. How do you feel now?”

He sighed, biting into another cherry, “It could be much worse”

“Oh…”

“But, hey, at least my head doesn’t pound anymore” He joked, as you arrived at the Creek.

The moon was supposed to be bright tonight, according to the forecast you looked up, but clearly nothing was going to plan, and everything that had happened since this morning had been all kinds of unexpected. 

The water was enveloped in darkness, and it felt like you were looking out into nothing.

Yongbok had always fed you tales of the many elves, faeries, and sirens that lived in the deepest abysses of your town. Stories of otherworldly creatures that inhabited the depths of the Creek, which would only reveal themselves in the deep of the night, concealed in the shadows. 

Obviously you’d never seen one, but you weren’t stubborn enough to tick their existence off the list.

He had told you those stories many times before, and you didn’t believe them, not really. 

Still, staring out into the dark right now, you did feel a little on edge.

The water was mostly still, as all of the little streams led to this spot, pooling in this gorgeous area. You thought it was beautiful how every river across your town ended up in one place, bringing together each corner and story of Daejon - forming a whirlpool of the lived memories.

To be honest, if there were any chance of otherworldly creatures existing in the entire universe…they probably would be residing in the cool cerulean blue water of the Creek.

“What are you thinking?” His tender voice, calmer than the waters, pulled you out of your fantastical thoughts.

Looking up, you saw him stood by the edge of the cliff, on the same rock he had jumped off months before, but you didn’t know him back then. He was but a stranger to you at that time.

You did know him now, at least you think you did -- over the weeks of peeling every layer of what made up Hyunjin, you knew so much of what made him, him. 

“I was…just thinking about how Yeonjun is late” You told him, crossing your arms against the cold breeze.

Hyunjin’s lips curled up, “He’ll be here”

“I hope he didn’t ditch us” You stared back at the dark water.

Hyunjin laughed, “Of course not. I think he’s just running late”

“You seem fairly confident when you’ve known him for less than a week”

He chuckled, stepping closer to you, “We can get in the water. We don’t have to wait for him, you know?”

You swallowed, “Get in the water, like…just me and you alone...together...?”

“Yeah”

Hyunjin standing there right now, looking like this, did not help your emotions. 

Chocolate brown strands framed his face, grazing his cheeks, and the rest was pulled up into a bun, messy, uneven, so fucking attractive.

And even if all those tales Yongbok and the town-dwellers told you were false, Hyunjin was the closest thing to an ethereal, out-of-this-world, ripped straight out of a fantasy novel creature - that you'd ever see. 

If those stories had been written in today's age, they would probably all be about him.

The t-shirt you'd picked out this morning fit him far too well, the zipper stopping at his chest, burgundy sleeves hugging his arms and biceps just like you wish he would hug you.

You were surprised when you’d seen him in that, and you definitely hadn’t been subtle enough this morning. 

He tilt his head at you, “Is there a problem with that? If it's just you and me in the water, alone?”

Was there?

The hint of a smile made it's way onto your face, and you reached up to untie your halter top, and even the fiercest creatures in Daejon couldn’t intimidate you right now as much as he did, “No...there's no problem at all, Hyun"

His eyes fixated on you, as you slipped off the top, revealing the swimsuit you’d picked inside. Light-pink, it hugged your body far too tightly, but he didn’t seem to care. 

He stared at you, unabashedly, unashamed, as you kept the top to the side, with the rest of your stuff. His eyes flickered over your body, and then back to your face.

“Your turn” You told him, crossing your arms.

“Okay” He chuckled, reaching up behind his neck, to take off his shirt, and your pulse went frantic and you felt so silly.

Hell, you’d seen him shirtless only hours before, but it was never enough, and he looked so fucking pretty in the moonlight.

You reached for the button on your shorts, popping it open, and Hyunjin watched as you slipped them off your legs, stepping out of them. It was chilly tonight, and you bent down, to put all of your stuff inside your backpack, and you were so fucking excited to show Hyunjin what you’d been planning. He would love it so much—

“Jisung called me”

You looked up, “What?”

“Yeah” He released a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. I’m ruining this moment”

“No...that’s okay. How is he doing?”

“As good as he can be right now, but...” He sat down on the rock, staring at the water, “I feel bad that I’m not with him”

“You’ll see him in a few weeks though, wouldn’t you?”

Hyunjin swallowed, “Yup”

You’d been expecting that Hyunjin would feel better after…what happened earlier this afternoon, but maybe it was naïve and stupid of you to assume that. You couldn’t change his life circumstances. You made him cum, you didn’t fix all the problems in his life. 

You felt defeated, because he certainly didn’t seem to be in the mood for this.

And why should he?

His best friend was going through shit, and he could do nothing about it. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” You asked.

Hyunjin glanced up at you, “Do what?”

“Swim. We don’t need to. I know you’re not in a mood to…we’re only doing this for me—”

“No, I wanna do this” He interrupted, “Did I…made you feel like I didn’t?”

“Maybe we can just wait for Yeonjun” You spoke, joining him on the rocks, “He must be close”

He nodded, crossing his legs on, “Yeah, he must be. So who do you think the flowers are from?”

You turned to him, pulling your knees to your chest, confused, “I don’t know. I…just assumed it was from you”

His face fell.

You smiled, to reassure him, “Don’t worry. They’re probably sent to the wrong person. Or maybe they’re consolation flowers for not getting the apprenticeship”

Hyunjin frowned at the mention of that, “Once I get back to Seoul, I’m definitely giving a piece of my mind to that shit company”

“What?” You laughed.

“They’re crazy to deny you” He expressed, turning to you, “Have you thought about…applying to another?”

You glanced at him, “Another program?”

“Yeah” He wrung his hands together.

You shrugged, staring at the dark water, “Not yet. I’m not proud enough of my work to send my portfolio again, and I’m…not really over the rejection”

“So, what, you’re gonna just give up?”

You shook your head, “No, of course not, Hyun. I’m just gonna take some time off”

“You can’t do that”

You frowned, the urgency in his tone unmistakable, “Why…? Isn’t it a good thing to take time to myself?”

“No, because-” He turned to you, grabbing your hand, “You’re so fucking good at what you do. Right now, there will be so many chances…and opportunities that you could get. Do you know how many companies I auditioned at before I got selected at Pegasus?”

Your face softened, unfamiliar with this urgency,  “No, I…didn’t know that, Hyun”

There was so much you still didn’t know about him.

Realisation sank into his face, “Yeah. Well, it was a lot. If I’d given up, do you think I’d still be here right now?”

So much you yearned to know.

Why did he choose to audition in the first place? What made him even go after this profession? 

And then more. Stuff about his life that didn't matter, or maybe it did.

Who was his first kiss? What was his favourite book? His worst heartbreak? The first girl he fucked? Your curiosity would rip at the seams and maybe it would never end, because the things you wanted to know about him were endless, and now that time was slipping away, it was the only opportunity to stop thinking and start asking him all of those things.

There was no point in dwelling on the what-ifs. 

Hyunjin was here now, and you would not hold back anymore.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?” He glanced at you.

“Stay so fucking positive, despite everything. If I was in your place, I think the apprehension and fear would have killed me”

His lip tilted up, “It’s not always this way. This year is just not a good one for us. I guess because people are finally beginning to know who we are, it just invites so much more hate, and anger”

“I don’t understand people”

“I know” He sighed, “But for the amount of hate, the love we get...it cancels out all the bullshit”

Hyunjin spoke of love in so many ways, except one.

“Like…” You picked at the pebbles with your nails, lowering your voice, “Some people are so evil”

Hyunjin nodded, “Mmh, but let’s... forget about them tonight. For the time we have left, I don’t want you to spend it inside your head”

“The time we have left...” You repeated, and you would forget about those people tonight, because tonight was special, “I have a lot of things I wanna do with you”

“You do?” He looked at you, voice unsure.

“Yeah” You smiled, “You’re going to love it. There’s so much stuff that happens the end of summer, like the solstices festival, and I still have to teach you so many of my favourite techniques! So I...I was thinking that we could paint together—”

He swallowed, “Maybe we should just take it one day at a time, Y/N”

You stopped mid-sentence at his words, “Oh”

You were getting carried away.

Hyunjin sighed, realising what he’d said, “Because…I mean, you know…eventually, I’ll have to go-”

It just reminded you that this was so temporary.

Your thing with him was temporary — whatever that thing was.

Hyunjin would just walk out of your life, and his life would go on as it always did.

Was there a point to what all you had planned, if he was never going to see you again after that?

“Yeah I know” You interrupted, “Let’s get in the water”

“Y/N…” He spoke, reaching out to your cheek, “We came here for a reason, right? You love this place, and so you’d have a good-”

“I am having a good time” You stood up, standing by the edge, and you would.

Tonight was supposed to be special. 

He joined you, staring at the drop, arms crossed, “Are you gonna ask me to jump again?”

You laughed, “You’ve done it before”

He glanced at you, biting his lip, “Together?”

It wasn’t that scary, but this was only his second time here, and so you took his hand in yours, letting him grip you tightly.

And then you stepped forward into nothingness, stomach lurching at the sudden drop.

You’d jumped off this rock a hundred times before, but this time you still didn’t feel prepared. 

The cold water swallowed you both, and for a minute or what felt like hours, everything was blank.

It was black, and blue, and freezing, and you couldn’t see where he was, and your head pounded with the pressure, and for a second, you feared your worries would weigh you down until you couldn’t come up — 

But then Hyunjin pulled you up out of the water, holding you tight.

You gasped for breath, taking in fresh air, yet it still felt like all the oxygen had left your lungs, because he was touching you so close.

Hyunjin shook his head, to get the hair and water out of his eyes, “Fuck. The water’s fucking freezing”

“It is” You shivered, drifting closer into his arms, to share in his body heat.

The water finally settled around, ripples from your jump dissipating, and if there were any creatures in the water they surely would have woken up by now.

“This is what you missed about Daejon? Freezing your ass off? I can see why you hate this town”

You laughed, loudly, gripping his shoulders, “Shut up. It’s nice if you let it settle”

His teeth chattered, and he was so dramatic because it wasn’t that cold. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him to you, “It’s better than a cold shower”

“What do you even love about this?” He asked you, “It’s better in the morning. It’s warm and I don’t get hypothermia—”

You grabbed his chin, making him look up.

He did, mouth parting, in awe of the view.

The stars had never been as bright as they were tonight, and he sucked in a sharp breath, “How is it so clear? It’s…even better than the hills”

“There’s no lights here, so you can see them much clearer”

Hyunjin’s gaze stayed up to the sky, as he watched the stars twinkle.

“Shit, isn’t that gorgeous? I can see all the constellations from down here” He spoke, “Wait, I think I know that one. It’s Cassiopeia”

Your heart stung at the reminder, but you calmed yourself.

One day at a time.

Tonight would be great.

You tilt your body back, floating on the water, and Hyunjin held onto your waist, drifting with you in the cesspool of your lived memories.

Time felt like it stretched into hours, as you watched the stars move so slow, as the Earth spun, and Hyunjin’s fingers kept you rooted to reality, and your perception of everything was different here. 

You almost expected to look up, and be back in the past somehow, and the thought was terrifying because as much as you wanted things to be good again, it couldn’t happen at the cost of Hyunjin.

The stars blinked, disappearing every other second, reminding you of a memory you’d forgotten - you’d actually planned something for him, and you were going to miss it, because you were stupidly stuck in the past, when your present was already so perfect.

“Fuck” You straightened up, “We need to get out of the water”

There was something Hyunjin needed to see. 

And it had to be now.

“What?” 

“We might have already missed it” You immediately swam back to the bank, and Hyunjin followed, confused why you were getting out of the water so early.

“Missed what?” He laughed, as you lifted yourself out. The wind pricked your skin. You slipped on your flimsy top, and there wasn’t any time to wear your shorts and you can’t believe you fucking forgot about this.

How lost were you?

“Why are you getting dressed?”

“It’s…like your thing on the Château” You told him, grabbing his hand to drag him away from the water and into the woods, not wanting to spoil it anymore.

“What thing?” He stumbled after you, still dripping wet from your short-lived swim.

“The town lights on the hill. Remember you showed them to me?” You spoke, as you pulled him through the underbrush.

“I remember” He was confused, following as you ran through the clearing, into the denser part of the woods. The sound of crickets surrounded you, drowning your little gasps of breath as you ran through.

The leaves crunched under your hurried footsteps, pushing past the twigs in your way.

You hadn’t been there in a few years, but there was no better time to revisit.

He had to see, and he had to now.

He would love it, you know he would love it so much.

If anything in Daejon could make him feel grateful and happy, it was this place. 

“But where are we going?” Hyunjin almost whined, trying to keep up with you. He was much taller so it should have been easier for him, but he was still stumbling through, clearly not used to the wilderness and the city boy inside him was peeking out.

“We’re almost here!” You promised.

“Can’t you at least tell me—“

Your abrupt stop made him bump into you, and he put his hands on your shoulders to turn you around, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did you step on-”

“I want you to close your eyes”

His eyebrows shot up, “What…?”

“Just…” You grabbed his hands, “Please listen to me and don’t ask any questions”

He laughed, amused but slowly closed his eyes, and you grabbed his warm hand in yours. You lead him deeper into the clearing, and he hesitated.

“Don’t make me fall into a ditch—”

“Just trust me, Hyun” You told him.

“I do trust you. I just don’t want to get hurt blindly walking through a forest” He asked, stepping over the leaves, and pebbles that he felt under his feet.

Your smile grew, as you finally made it to the clearing, a view prettier than anything in the entire universe.

You hadn’t come here in ages. 

You turned to face him, catching your breath, “Okay. We’re here”

“Where? Can I open my eyes now?”

You laughed, because Hyunjin was such a hopeless romantic, but he was so impatient too.

Amongst the Daejon woods, was a clearing, where the terrain was flat, and the woodland plants grew tall - a mix of orange and purple flowers, surrounded by thin weeds. 

But, the most beautiful part of this clearing, was what you’d brought him to witness. 

“You can open your eyes, Hyun”

Confusion painted his face, in the form of suspicious furrowed eyebrows, until he finally looked up, realising just why you brought him here.

His mouth fell open in awe, eyes widening, as he took in the scene.

“Oh my god”

Soft, twinkling lights illuminated the entire clearing.

A hundred of them, bright lights, flying above the canopy, like stars shining through the canopy.

Stars that flew around, bumping into each other, creating paths and patterns that could never be replicated even in constellations.

Fireflies.

Hyunjin’s eyes were lit up, mouth parted in amazement like never before, watching the little lightning bugs illuminate the dark woods.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin repeated, a chuckle of disbelief escaping him. He clutched his stomach tightly, as if he couldn’t believe he were here, turning a full circle to take in the view.

“There’s so many of them” He breathed.

A smile overtook your lips, voice soft, “Do you like it?”

He turned to you, pure adoration in his eyes, like a kid on Christmas morning, like a boy in love, but not with you, with what you’d done for him.

“How did you know they would be here?”

You shrugged, coyly, “A coincidence”

His gaze softened at your words, “You planned this”

“I did…I wanted to show them to you”

He looked up again, getting distracted in the way the fireflies flew above the canopy, “It’s so beautiful”

You swallowed, “I wanted to show them to you…before you have to leave. I thought it’d make you feel better, even if only temporarily. I know you’re having a hard time, and I just thought you should see this because—”

When you looked up at him, he was staring at you, not the fireflies anymore, an unreadable expression in his eyes.

His gaze pierced through you, and then flickered to your lips, “Thank you”

You swallowed, suddenly nervous as you looked up at him, “Earlier you said you wish you had a different life, and you’d be happier somehow and I want you to know that’s not true. You can be happy in this life, I know we still have a lot of time, but I don’t want to miss any moment—”

Hyunjin cut you off, pressing his lips to yours.

You let out a noise of surprise, as his arms gripped you, pulling your body closer to his. You stumbled into his embrace, immediately kissing him back. His chest was still glistening with water droplets, and his hair was dripping, sticking to your face, to your lips.

Cold, and wet fingers grabbed your cheek.

His mouth felt hot on yours, as he pressed his chest to yours, wasting no time in pushing his tongue into your mouth.

“Hyun-” You whined, pulling back an inch to breathe, but you didn’t want to breathe anything except his taste.

“I have to tell you something, Y/N” 

At first you thought you misheard him.

“W-what?” You paused.

He kissed you again, holding your face in his hands, “It's...very important”

His voice was suddenly heavy with emotion, and you realised that no you did not want to know.

You’d push your curiosity to the side, and fuck that, because you didn’t want to know anything that would break your heart, and what Hyunjin was going to say definitely would.

“I don’t wanna know. Not now. Just kiss me, please”

Hyunjin’s gaze softened, “Are you sure?”

“Please” You pressed your mouth to his, “I just want you right now”

“Y/N…” He breathed, against your lips.

It was hard to speak, and you didn’t even know what you were feeling at the moment, “I just want tonight to be perfect, and I want you so much”

“Okay” He breathed, pulling your face back to his, and you kissed him, trying to erase everything he was going to say, and this could have been a beautiful moment but perhaps you weren’t the only self-destructive one.

Perhaps it was far too perfect for Hyunjin to handle, and that’s why he was trying everything he could to destroy it, but you wouldn’t let him.

So, you kissed him, until you both sat on the grass, and your knees touched the forest floor. He was on his knees too, holding you to him, hands clutching your face to still have the semblance of control. 

You kissed him until the pebbles and rocks under you stopped hurting, leaving imprints on your skin forever just like he had.

You kissed him until he’d swallowed all your tears, and until denial tasted just like the cherries he had sucked on. 

You kissed him until he was hard, and he mumbled, “Baby...”

He pressed you to the floor, crawling on top of you.

He never broke the open-mouthed kiss, and everything was so wet, with your spit, with the water from the Creek that still hadn’t dried off, with your soaking underwear. 

His weight on top of you was new, and it was unfamiliar, and you don’t know when it would ever happen again, so you tried to memorise it. Your hands sifted through his freshly-cut hair, and it remind of you this morning, and of how beautiful he’d looked, and how different things were.

Hyunjin at seven am was so different from him now.

You wanted to learn him, and discover who he was at every hour of the day. 

Hyunjin’s hands grabbed yours, and in a single move, he pinned them over your head, taking control of you.

Your hands pressed into the grass, and the rocks, and you were at his complete mercy.

“I…couldn’t focus on work today because of you” You complained, when he pulled back to breathe.

“What were you thinking about?” He whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth, pushing his knee between your legs.

“Fuck” You mumbled, and his other hand dropped to your stomach, holding your body down, and it was so fucking sexy you couldn’t stop your whines, “About how pretty you look, about how big-”

He let out a groan, pushing his hardening cock against your swimsuit bottoms, “It’ll feel more perfect when I’m inside you”

Blood rushed to your head, and you tilt your head back, as he planted kisses all over your collarbone. His hand slid under your sweater, squeezing your tits in his hands as he grind against you.

You wanted to touch him, but he didn’t let you, keeping your hands at bay, and it was so fucking hot and you were so wet.

“This swimsuit…is so fucking adorable on you” He mumbled, fiddling with the strings of your bikini bottom, “Is it okay if I touch you?”

“Yes, yes, please”

Why was he even asking?

And then he pressed his fingers into your core, over the thin fabric, and you almost passed out at the touch.

“Fuck” You moaned, squirming, “Don’t tease me”

He nodded, swallowing your whimpers, “I won’t. I was just making sure you’re ready”

“I am” You all but begged.

“I know” He smiled against your lips, and true to his promise, pulled the waistband of your pastel-blue panties forward. 

You could still see the fireflies from here, the twinkling lights in the sky, and you wanted to remember how that looked, but Hyunjin was rolling his hips against yours, and you couldn’t focus on anything else.

You let out a loud moan, when his hand slipped inside your underwear, and he was so fucking sweet as he kissed your cheek, “Will you let me finger you now, baby?”

“M-”

“Y/N?” A familiar voice interrupted, echoing in the woods, and Hyunjin immediately stopped, pulling back to look at you.

“Did you hear that?” He asked you, eyes half-lidded.

You were so distracted by his dilated pupils that you didn’t register that someone was calling your name, and you would have chosen to ignore it, but Hyunjin was already standing up, pulling you to your feet.

“Y/N?” The voice sang again.

“Shit” You cursed, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Who is that?” Hyunjin asked, fixing the straps of your top, pushing them back onto your shoulders.

You ran your hands over your face, trying to gather your bearings, but your head was filled with a cloud of lust, “It’s…her”

His eyebrows shot up, as he tugged your sweater over your swimsuit, “Who?”

“Y/N?” The voice called out again, as footsteps ran out into where you were. 

She stopped, feet skidding against the dirt, as soon as she saw the two of you.

Hyunjin turned to her, eyes widening.

You flushed with embarrassment, because if you heard her…that means she definitely heard you moan.

She stood still, staring at the two of you, and it would almost be comical if you didn’t feel slightly ashamed. 

Her rose-gold hair was pulled up into two ponytails, a red swimsuit hugging her curves.

“You must be Hyunjin” She blurted, “I’ve heard so much about you”

“Oh” He trailed off, looking back at you, and you could see he was trying to restrain the hard-on in his swim-shorts.

You were still so lost, head fuzzy, because what was Hyunjin going to tell you before you interrupted him?

Yuqi looked apologetic, “Sorry I ran in here, I parked my car and then I saw your clothes out by the rocks, and I assumed the worst, like you never know what goes on in these woods, there could be some serial killer, and I literally fell asleep watching Friday the 13th last night, and if you’ve seen that, you’d know that—“

“I haven’t seen it” Hyunjin interrupted her.

“Oh. You should. It’s…nice”

“I don’t really like horror movies” 

“I’m Yeonjun’s sister” She added, an awkward smile.

“Ohh. You look like him”

“Yeah. Cause we’re related”

She looked around the glade, “Did she bring you out here to see the fireflies? I swear she and Felix are so obsessed with thi—”

“Where’s Yeonjun?” You interrupted.

“He’s already in the water” She jut her thumb back towards the water, “I’ll see you guys there!”

She ran back through the woods, and it’d be funny if you didn’t feel so frustrated. You and Hyunjin had horrible timing…or maybe it was fate’s way of saying you weren’t supposed to be doing this.

“She definitely knows what we were doing” Hyunjin spoke, softly, hand slipping inside his shorts to adjust, and you looked away.

“Yeah, but you can trust Yuqi. She…won’t tell anyone”

This was reckless. There were a lot of kids and groups from town that hiked in the woods, especially in the summer.

Hyunjin was already dealing with scandal upon scandal, he didn’t need you to make it worse.

His gaze fell to the floor, “I’m sorry for getting carried away. That was stupid”

You nodded, “Yeah. It was”

“We should be more careful” He mumbled, but you could see the frustration in his eyes as he began walking back.

You followed him, trying to calm your breathing, “It’s a good thing it was just her”

“I didn’t even know Yeonjun has a sister”

“Yeah, she lives in Busan” You told him.

“She has a car?”

“Yeah”

“I was going to rent one” He spoke, as you fell into step with him.

"You were?” You turned to him, “What do you need a car for?”

He shrugged, pushing through the rustling leaves, “I…got us tickets to something”

“Well, I’m sure Yuqi would let you have it for an evening. You don’t have to rent one”

“That sounds good” He nodded, shooting you a soft smile as you finally caught up to Yuqi and Yeonjun, who were already in the water. 

They were splashing each other already, asking you to jump in.

Hyunjin headed to them, but you reached out to him, “By the way, tickets for what?”

He laughed, looking sheepish, “Can that part still be a surprise?” 

»»————-

Fortunately for you, the curiosity about the surprise only lasted for a day.

“You’ve never seen Jaws?” 

“I’m not really a monster movie kind of guy” Hyunjin replied, arms crossed against his chest as Yuqi gaped at him, an almost comical expression on her face.

“Does that mean you’ve never seen Chucky either?”

“I happen to like dolls, and I don’t want to change that”

They’d only known each other a little more than a day, and were already comfortable enough with each other, thanks to the hours spent last night swimming and getting to know each other. 

“You’re fucking kidding me” She stated, then turned to you, “Where did you find this guy?”

“Leave him alone, Yuqi” Yeonjun replied before you could speak, and you laughed.

“No, because monster movies are easily the best genre!” She told Yeonjun, who’d already stopped listening, and was checking the tickets on his phone. 

The drive-in theater was busy tonight, as a crazy amount of families and couples had come out to watch the iconic screening of Jaws. 

Hyunijn had insisted that you come here tonight, another thing off your list that you’d mentioned to him, and the fact that Yuqi just happened to have a car — was a cherry on top of a perfect coincidence.

When they’d learnt of your plans, Hyunjin had been kind enough to let them come along with you, because he enjoyed their company as much as you did.

You don’t know why Hyunjin was rushing through the things, but you couldn’t complain. 

Every summer, cars would line up until Mrs. Erin’s noodle shop, and a huge projector and screen were set up, facing the woods.

They usually played the same movies on loop, so you’d already got tired of the the same blockbuster tropes. Being Yongbok’s friend, you had had no choice but to indulge in every single one of these films.

Still, tonight was different, because Hyunjin was here now.

Every time you came in the past, you would borrow Yuqi’s car since her pick-up truck had space in the back to squeeze all of your friends, with thick blankets and enough snacks to last double-features. Her truck was also ideal for star-gazing and movie nights like this. 

You stood leaning against it, in the minutes before the movie began. As of now, they were only showing previews and trailers, as everybody parked their cars.

“I’m not a fan of watching people get ripped apart” Hyunjin replied to her, his voice low.

“Can’t believe you’re a softie” She tilt her head, as if analysing him top-to-down. Hyunjin’s cheeks turned red at her scrutinising gaze and he turned to you, for help. 

He looked extra adorable today, in a white button-up shirt, and faded boyfriend-fit jeans.

You laughed, pushing the pebbles at your feet, “You’re on your own, Hyun”

He sighed, turning to Yuqi, “It’s not that I don’t enjoy the thrill, I just prefer to indulge in a different kind of …excitement”

“Yongbok must hate you” She laughed, “He’s obsessed with those movies. Have you two met yet?”

Your eyebrows shot up, and you saw Hyunjin stiffen. 

You spoke, before he could, “Um, yeah they have”

“How did he approve of you then?” She asked, eyes wide.

“Yongbok doesn’t have to approve of anybody” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You two just don’t seem like you’d get along” She told him. 

Hyunjin’s expression was calm, and reserved as she said that. You realised that while you’d heard plenty of opinions from Yongbok about him, you had no idea what Hyunjin felt about him.

Hyunjin smiled, “He’s a cool guy. I’m sure if we hung out more, we’d get along”

His eyes landed on yours, and you agreed, “Yeah. I’m sure you would”

“So then what do you like? Don’t tell me you’re into that cheesy Notebook shit” Yuqi narrowed her eyes at him. 

“I’m sorry I just happen to have a more refined taste than you, Yuqi” Hyunjin replied, catching you and her by surprise as she gasped. You laughed, proud of how he’d already learned to deal with her.

“Okay. I see you, Hwang Hyunjin” She hummed, smiling at him.

“These tickets should get us a popcorn and soda combo. Is there anything else you need, guys?” Yeonjun asked, squeezing his phone back into his jeans pocket.

“That sounds good” You answered, “I can go get the snacks”

“No, me and Hyunjin will go” Yeonjun smiled, looping an arm around him, “Won’t we?”

Hyunjin smiled, shy gaze falling to the floor, “Yeah, of course”

They walked to the pop-up booths, and you and Yuqi hung back, watching the crowd filter in.

“He’s sweet”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Where did you find him?”

You laughed, “I didn’t. Hana found him. Kind of”

“Where is she, by the way?” Yuqi asked, glancing up at you.

“I haven’t seen her since the party” You shrugged.

“Ah. The party Yeonjun went to?”

“The very same” You sighed, wanting to forget the nightmare Lakehouse party, “You and Hyunjin were talking a lot last night in the water. What about?” 

She waved a hand dismissively, “Oh. He was just asking me about Felix”

You turned to her, “Felix? What did Hyunjin want to know about him?”

“Just a lot of random things, it wasn’t an important conversation"

What random things? 

You searched the crowd for the boys, but your gaze landed on a recognisable silhouette, walking away from you, clutching a tub of popcorn tightly in his hands.

Light blonde hair that stood out in the crowd, and he was in a leather jacket, and there was a grin on his face. You’d missed seeing that so much.

He looked so different, yet so familiar, and your heart ached in the wake of all that familiarity.

“Oh, isn’t that him right there?” Yuqi asked.

“Yeah. It is”

“Aren’t you gonna go say hi?” She laughed, confused at your somber tone.

“Um. I should. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Of course. Tell him I said hi!” She smiled. 

You walked over to him and you felt nervous, but you had to have this conversation sooner, than later.

“Lix?”

He turned around at your voice, eyes widening in happy recognition.

Immediately, he smiled, his entire face lit up, “Hey. It’s been a while since I saw you”

You hadn’t seen or talked to him in what felt like forever.

“I didn’t think you’d be coming tonight”

He laughed, “Why would I not? You know how much I love Jaws”

“Right. I…remember”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, stepping closer, to hear you better over all of the crowd, and the sounds of the previews.

“I…” You trailed, point to the projector, “The movie”

“Right. The movie” He laughed, tub of caramel popcorn in his hands and Yongbok hated caramel so you wonder why he was holding it this tight.

“Are you here alone?” 

“No, I came with Eunbi” He responded, gesturing to where she probably was, not that you cared for that right now.

“Oh”

He tilt his head, “Did you get the flowers, by the way?”

Your eyes widened, “You…sent me the flowers?”

He chuckled, “Did you hate them or something?”

“No. I...” You trailed off, unable to comprehend why Felix would send you flowers, of all things in the world, “I love them. They’re great...”

Was that his attempt at an apology?

“I’m glad” His eyes crinkled.

“Yuqi’s here” You blurted, wanting to not talk about this any longer, because it just made no fucking sense.

“Yuqi?” He laughed, seemingly not affected by your ignorance to his gift, “She’s back in town?”

“Yeah. She drove in last night”

“From Busan?”

“Mmh” You nodded.

“She’s still the same?”

You smiled, “Yeah. She is exactly the same”

He looked around, trying to spot the iconic red pickup truck, “So you’re here with them then?”

“Hyunjin too” You added.

Felix’s gaze changed, and he nodded, “Right. Of course”

“Yeah”

He took a step back, smiling, “I guess I should let you get back to him"

Felix looked so happy, so much like his usual self, you felt safe again and you had to ask, “What did you…want to say to me? The other night, when you texted me?”

He laughed, except it seemed forced, “Um, forget that. I was just tipsy, and I was missing you”

You recalled his texts, “No, you said you realised why you’d been acting this way. What way?”

“Well…” He tucked his hands in his pockets, and stepped even closer. Under the lanterns, his eyes sparkled in a way they hadn’t before. Was it because it had been weeks since you’d seen him this happy, or was it just that you’d never gone so long without him?

“I yelled at you, at the cabin, at the party. The one you organised, just for me”

“I remember”

He sighed, “I’m sorry about that. It was…uncalled for, and I was an asshole, for doing that to you, when all you’d been doing was trying to make sure I had a good night”

“Why are you apologising to me now? All of a sudden?”

He shrugged, “I’ve been wanting to for a while. I just couldn’t find the right time, and then earlier this week, I was actually thinking about us. About the cabin, and-”

“Felix…”

“Do you remember that summer?” He interrupted, and even though you’d spent every summer the same way, you somehow knew exactly which one he was talking about.

The summer Hana and Yeonjun started dating.

The same summer you promised Felix you’d never let anything get in between you.

How did he know that you were thinking of it too?

Was it because you and him had spent your entire lives around each other, and he knew you so well?

“Yeah. I remember” You nodded, “What about it?”

“I miss that. I’m really sorry for getting frustrated at you, and overwhelmed. I was upset because-"

“Because you what?"

He shook his head, “It wasn’t just because of Hyunjin”

“Then what?”

He sighed, “That’s not important. What matters is…I’ve been thinking about that summer a lot, and how it was probably the best one of my life. We snuck out to Jeju, do you remember that?”

“I do. Your parents got so mad”

“They did” He laughed, “Anyway, so I was thinking…we could go for a swim soon, right?”

“Why?”

He smiled, “It’s the season of the fireflies. Don’t you remember?”

Your heart crumbled at the memories. 

You and Felix used to go there, every summer, to play with the lightning bugs.

Was it you that ruined everything? 

Felix tilt his head at you, “You all right, Y/N?”

You swallowed, because it was time to tell him what you’d been feeling, “No. I…keep thinking about how things used to be, and I miss that”

His gaze softened, “You do?”

You had to be honest now, “Do you think too much has happened…that things can never be the way they were?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana and Yeonjun will probably never talk to each other again, half of it feels like my fault”

He shook his head, insisting, “It’s not your fault. They just weren’t meant to be together”

“You believe that?”

“Yeah. When two people are meant to be, everything in the world brings them closer, not further apart”

“And…what about you and Yeonjun?”

He shrugged, a playful expression on his face, “Maybe…we can be friends again”

“Really?”

“I…honestly don’t even remember what I was mad at him for. For breaking up with her, for leaving us, it doesn’t matter”

“And…Hyunjin?”

His eyes shot up to yours, “What about Hyunjin?”

You swallowed, “You and him…do you think you can ever be friends with him again?”

He shrugged, “Does it matter? He’s…going to move back to the city, and I’m probably never going to see him again”

“Why?”

“I mean…with his job, it’s not like he’s going to be visiting every summer. So I don’t think it matters if me and Hyunjin get along or not. We’ll hardly ever meet”

You nodded, the sting of Hyunjin leaving hitting you again, but then something Minho had told you came back to you, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, you can”

“When we were fifteen, you said you’d look for the boy from the shop, but you…never told me you found him. Why did you never tell me?”

Felix’s gaze fell to the floor, “It was..futile. It would just break your heart, Y/N”

“What do you mean?”

He stepped closer, clearly wanting to explain himself, and his voice was louder now, because the movie was beginning to play, “I didn’t want to give you false hope. When I found out who Hyunjin is, I also found out what he was doing…training in some big-shot company that would basically own his DNA if he debuted. And he did debut”

“So?”

“So…there would have been no point if you even knew his name, Y/N. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I’m sorry I lied”

Your gaze fell to the floor, because of course he made some kind of sense, it’s not like Felix was an evil person who would keep such things from you for no reason. He cared about you, and so he did what he could to protect you, even if it was wrong, “So is Eunbi your girlfriend now?”

“Where would you get that idea?”

“Seonmi told me everything”

Felix laughed, “Seonmi told you what she thinks she knows. We’re just sleeping together”

“Right. I should go-”

He stepped up to you, closing the distance between you, “You asked me if things can go back to the way they were”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you want that so badly?”

You frowned, “What…what do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana was a bitch to you ever since Yeonjun left her. You wanna go back to that?”

Your eyes narrowed, “That’s not what I meant”

“Then what did you mean? Do you even know what you want go back to?”

“Of course I know, Lix”

“No, I think you like hurting yourself. Why are you always chasing after things you can’t have? Like that art internship in the city. Like…him”

Your eyes widened, and you stepped back, sneakers skidding against the dirt,  “How…how do you know about that?”

He sighed, “Is that really the most important thing right now?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “I was here to fix things, not to fight again”

Felix let out a breath, reaching out to grab your hand, but you stepped back.

“We’re just having a conversation, Y/N, I’m sorry if it makes you feel like I’m fighting you. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is to fight you”

“Then what are you even saying?” You mumbled, “Why don’t you want things to go back to the way they were? Don’t you want us to be friends again, Yongbok?”

“No, I don’t, Y/N”

“What?” Your eyes shot to his, because you hadn’t expected him to say that, “You…don’t wanna be friends with me anymore?”

His gaze fell to the floor, and he seemed nervous, until he looked back up at you, “I don’t think this is the best place for this conversation”

“No, Yongbok, if you’re cutting me out of your life-”

His eyes landed on someone behind you, “I’m sorry. I can’t have this conversation with you right now. I’ll see you later”

“What...?” You watched him walk away, heart sinking.

“Before you say anything, I tried my best!” Hyunjin laughed, and you turned around. He stood with Yeonjun, snacks in hand, smiling wide. 

“Tried your best on what?” You asked, a lump in your throat after that entire conversation.

“There were way too many candies at the stall. I didn’t even know there’s that many flavours of gummy bears” Hyunjin noted, and then extended a packet towards you, “So I got you guys a mix of them”

“Oh...thank you” You fought a smile, following them back to the truck. Yuqi had spread out all of the blankets, to make enough space for the four of you in the back.

“That’s perfect” Yuqi reached out, taking the pack of candy from Hyunjin, “A gummy bear orgy is just what we need”

“Gross” Yeonjun sniffled, climbing into the truck, crawling over to get comfortable.

You grabbed the tub of popcorn, balancing it on your lap so Hyunjin could hop into the back too. He slid in next to you, pressing you to the side, and you pulled the blanket over yourselves. 

“Are you comfortable?” He glanced at you, leaning into your ear to talk because the movie had already began.

“Yeah” You manoeuvred your legs over his, entangling them. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you closer, and it was easier to forgot about the conversation with Felix with his arms around you.

He smiled, dimples appearing, “Warm enough?”

“Yeah” You smiled, not wanting to ruin yet another night, “Don’t worry about it”

“The movie’s starting guys, save the pillow talk for later!” Yuqi whisper-yelled, leaning over to look at you.

“Okay, okay” You laughed, bringing your knees up to your chest, letting yourself get comfortable.

“Is the opening scary?” Hyunjin whispered in your ear to not disturb the others.

“A bit”

“Man” He mumbled, sinking deeper into the blanket, and it was cute how he tried to make himself smaller, “I’m definitely going to embarrass myself tonight”

“Why?” You laughed.

“I might scream” He mumbled, as onscreen a girl went out for a late night swim, while her boyfriend stayed on the beach. You, of course, knew what was coming next. 

“You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel better” You told Hyunjin, and he glanced at you, wondering if you were being serious.

“Are you making fun of me already?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“Of course not” You smiled, reaching over to grab his hand, pulling it into your lap. 

“Is the shark gonna come now?” Hyunjin tensed up, as the music in the movie got louder, and he squint his eyes, preparing himself for a jump-scare. 

He squeezed the life out of your hand when the shark attached the girl. You watched with bated breath, as people in the drive-in theater started cheering, making you laugh. He was focused on the film with unparalleled focus, even though he pretended he hated it.

“You’re so fucking cute” You blurted, already feeling so much better, mid-way through the movie.

He looked at you, eyes still narrowed, “You’re enjoying my misery”

You laughed, “I am, but only because you look adorable” 

He pouted, eyes wide, “Why did I want to do this again?”

“Because you’re the sweetest boy in the world” You hummed, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but you couldn’t, not here. Instead, you settled for staring at his plush lips.

It seemed like he was thinking of the same thing, because his gaze dropped to your lips, and he mumbled, “Y/N…We can’t. Not here…”

You were in public, surrounded by tons of families, and Hyunjin couldn’t engage in PDA like this, ever. After everything that was happening with Chan and Jisung, he couldn’t risk anything of this sort.

“Sorry” You bit your lip, moving back.

His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at you, “It’s fine. We just…have to be careful about this”

This. He acknowledged it, and that made you happier than you thought it would.

It wasn’t just mistakes, or built-up tension, or lust that had pulled you two together.

It was purposeful.

And you had to be careful about it now.

You felt lost in his daze, “Can I come over after this?”

“Actually. Could I come to your place instead?”

“Oh, of course”

“My place is just a mess” He laughed.

“I don’t really care. We can still go—”

“Let’s just meet at yours” He insisted.

“Of course” You settled back, a little confused.

You tried to focus on the movie, and you almost did, for a good five minutes before Hyunjin spoke up again, “It’s not that I don’t want—”

“Can you pass me the pop soda, Hyunjin? This fucking kernel is stuck in my throat, and it feels like I'm deepthro-” 

“Yuqi!” You interrupted her, “Why would you put that image in my head?”

She laughed “Just give me the soda, please”

Hyunjin blinked, looking back at her, “Shit. We… forgot to get that”

Her eyes widened, disappointing flashing through, “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go get some”

She stood up, the truck creaking under the sudden weight.

Hyunjin sat up too, pushing the blanket off himself, inviting cold air onto your legs, “No, that’s okay. I’m the one who forgot. You’ll miss the movie”

She shook her head, “I’ve seen it before. I’ll come with you, I’m already up” 

Hyunjin shot you a smile, “See you in a bit”

You nodded, watching them walk off, hurrying towards the food stands, so they didn’t interrupt the other cars' views.

Yeonjun bit into the leftovers popcorn, shifting closer to you, “More for us”

“You’re right” You laughed, reaching into the tub to eat some.

“Are you having a good time?” He asked.

You smiled, “Yeah. I am. How are you feeling now?”

“Yuqi’s a good distraction” He laughed, “She’s been taking care of me”

“She’s amazing”

“Can I ask why we’re here?”

“What do you mean?”

He laughed, gesturing to the drive-in theater, “I mean, you haven’t come here in ages, and then Hyunjin bugs us about doing a movie night literally the next day…even though he clearly hates the movie playing”

You stretched your feet out, “Yeah. We’re…checking off a list”

“A list?”

“Of stuff I love about Daejon. He thinks it’ll help me feel better”

“I don’t understand why you two don’t just…date” He laughed.

“It’s impossible, Jun” You bit your lip, “Especially right now”

“Yeah. I know” Yeonjun spoke, “Did he tell you what happened with Jisung? There’s going to be some big lawsuit, I heard, against the company”

“What?” Your head snapped to his, “Did he tell you that?”

“Some of my friends at work were discussing it, when I was on the video call earlier. Hyunjin didn’t tell you?”

“No…he didn’t mention that”

Yeonjun sighed, “It’s probably really shitty for him, to watch his friend go through that”

“I can’t even imagine what Jisung would be feeling” You stared at the screen, zoning out of the movie already, even though it was gearing up towards some of the iconic scenes.

“What’s taking them so long?” He wondered, “They’re missing the best parts”

You glanced around, but you couldn’t spot them anywhere, “They must be on their way. Are you missing your emotional support Yuqi?”

He rolled his eyes, “As if you aren’t missing your emotional support Hyunjin”

You laughed, “I can go check. Maybe they’re picking gummy bears again”

You made your way through the cars, as the movie continued playing in the background. 

Yuqi was walking back to you, soda in her hands. Why was she alone?

You looked around the parking lot, but you couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Hey” She shot you a smile, meeting you in the middle, “I finally got it out of my throat. Man that was so uncomfortable”

You laughed, “You...are so entertaining”

“I know” She grinned, grabbing your arm to lead you to the truck, “Come on, let’s go. I miss my dumbass brother”

“But where’s Hyunjin?” You asked, stopping her.

Yuqi sipped the soda, “Oh, he was right behind me. I’m sure he’s on his way”

“But the two of you went together. Is everything okay?

She glanced at you, but her voice was too cheerful to be authentic, “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be? I'm sure he’s fine”

Why did it feel like she was hiding something from you?

You narrowed your eyes, “Yuqi...tell me the truth, please”

She sighed, “He said he’ll join us in a minute. He told me to go back to the truck! Why would I question him?”

“You go back to the truck. I’ll go wait for Hyunjin” You dropped your arm from her grip, walking back over to the food stands. 

“Wait!” Yuqi made a noise resembling a grumble, and ran after you.

What if he got a call from the city, what if he wasn’t okay?

He wouldn’t just walk out of the movie like that.

The noise of the film carried across the entire area, and it was so loud now, the music swelling and escalating as the film geared towards another jump-scare. 

Frightful and excited cheers echoed through the parking lot, and your heart was pounding, from the bass of the speakers, and from the fear of not seeing him anywhere.

Where could he have gone?

You turned the corner from the dumpling stall, looking over towards the restrooms but the line stretched long, and he wasn’t there either.

You turned around to her, “Did he seem okay?”

Yuqi was cursing, wiping her shirt, “Fuck, I spilled my soda!”

You stepped forward, voice softening, “I’ll get us tissues on the way back, but Yuqi...was Hyunjin oka-”

Then you heard him.

Towards the exit, under the huge drive-in sign, were two silhouettes.

Hyunjin and Yongbok.

You were so far away, but you could see that they were in a heated discussion, of some kind.

“Do you know what that’s about?” You asked her, a lump rising in your throat.

Her eyes were wide, and she shook her head, “No, but Hyunjin told me—”

“They’re arguing...”

“Y/N, let’s just go back” Yuqi spoke, pulling at your arm.

You’d never seen Hyunjin like this. He seemed so overwhelmed, hand over his face as Yongbok talked to him about something.

You pulled your arm away from her grip, walking over to them, and they were so engrossed that they didn’t even notice you coming.

“When the hell are you gonna tell her?” Yongbok was saying, “After you were already gone-?”

“Yongbok” Hyunjin mumbled, breathing into his hands, “Please... try to understand”

He grit his teeth, “I don’t have to understand shit, Hyunjin” 

“What is going on?” You asked, but your voice came out shaky and you thought you’d cry. 

What the hell were they talking about?

You felt sick to the stomach, as they turned to you, like they’d been caught...

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “Y/N”

You stepped closer, footsteps steady despite the absolute storm brewing inside your heart, “Tell me what...? Is everything okay, Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin looked defeated, as he stepped over to you, “I need to talk to you”

»»————-

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[restlessmaknae]

get it right [c.y.j.]

Choi Yeonjun, the cute barista at your local café, just can't seem to get your name right. It's not until Christmas that he lets you know why.

➳ Characters: barista!Yeonjun x female!reader/you

➳ Genre: fluff, romance, uni au, café au

➳ Words: 1.8k

➳ Warning: mentions of food (let me know if there are more)

➳ A/N: This idea has been in the back of my mind for so long, but it wasn’t supposed to be Christmas-themed. I hope you enjoy it nevertheless! ❤️

Choi Yeonjun was a menace. An annoyingly handsome and a blushingly flirty menace. He was also the cute barista at the local café you frequented, and he just couldn't seem to get your name right whenever you ordered coffee to go. Sometimes your name was missing a few letters or the letters were switched, but there were times when the name scribbled down on the plastic paper wasn't even close to your name.

There was no way Yeonjun couldn't remember your name because you were a frequent customer, and because he actually initiated conversations with you while he was making your drink. Since you usually got yourself a coffee in the morning before you headed to uni to study at the library (because there was no way you could study in the dorms, your roommates weren’t exactly a fan of you studying so early in the morning), there weren't a lot of people coming into the café at such an early hour, but Yeonjun was always there. Since it wasn't peak time, he was the one who got and made your order, but in the afternoon, when there were a lot of visitors buzzing around, one barista received your order and another one made your drink.

You were in luck, it seemed, that you did have some time to speak to him while waiting for your drink because he was a fun company. Maybe a bit too flirty for his own good, but you guessed that he was like that with everyone else, too. Not until your best friend, Yoojung, actually went to your favourite café for the first time, did you dare to think otherwise.

"There's no way he's like that with everyone. You see, there were some girls in front of me outright telling him how handsome he is, and he didn't flirt back! Also, I got only a smiley beside my name on the cup," she reasoned as she held up her own cup of coffee, proving her point. "And you say that you have hearts beside your name. I don't think that's a coincidence," she pointed out with a mischievous smile as she smacked your side.

"No, how can it be? He can't even spell my name right," you shook your head, but you had to admit that you were less sure about being just an ordinary customer for the boy. Could it be that he liked you? No, no way. He was just so cool, friendly, easy-going and still caring, he must have liked similarly cool girls. Not that you had low self-esteem, it's just that you were more on the introverted side, you were sometimes searching for the right words to say, and you were blushing so hard whenever he complimented you, it was wild to imagine that he might like someone like you.

"Well, maybe he's doing it on purpose," Yoojung mused out loud, resting her head on her arms propped up on a pile of books. With her, a study session never stayed just a study session, and ever since you dared to bring up Yeonjun in your conversations, she was always waiting for the updates.

"What purpose?"

"I don't know. I don't get boys."

"But you have a boyfriend," you pointed out, and Yoojung couldn't help but laugh. Him and Hendery getting together was one of the surprises of last semester, but it's not like you couldn't see the sparks. It's just that your best friend was in denial about her feelings towards him, and she couldn't take the boy seriously either.

"Hendery is a different species," she rolled her eyes yet it was in an affectionate way, and there was a certain degree of gentleness in her tone.

"Anyways, let's get back to game theory," you suggested as you flipped a page in your textbook. Your best friend grunted in response.

"Aaah, your cute barista is waaaaay more interesting than game theory."

The next time you went to the café, you tried to see if something was different in the way Yeonjun acted with others and with you. However, due to the early hour, there was only a businessman in his 50s in front of you in the queue, and he didn't flirt with the man.

"Hey there, my favourite customer!" He greeted you gleefully though, and already got a plastic cup ready.

"Whose name you still can't spell right," you teased, but there was a smile in the corner of your lips. Yeonjun faked being hurt by your words and theatrically placed a hand over his heart.

"You're still my favourite customer though."

"Alright. I guess that counts."

"It does. Not even my friends can have this title," he explained with a mischievous smile as he leaned forward, lowering his voice as if it was a secret. Though you knew all too well that some of his friends didn't even drink coffee, there were some who attended universities far away from his workplace and the others didn't frequent the café as much as you did.

"Anyways, I'll take the usual," you let him know, trying to shush Yoojung's voice in your head.

"Cool. We have a buy one, get one free discount today, so you can have two. Will you take the same for the second?"

"Well, what's your favourite drink here?" You inquired, genuinely curious. It was no surprise that he already knew your order by heart because you ordered the same pretty much every single time you came here (even on days it wasn't his shift in the morning, but the other baristas didn't know your favourite order like he did). So you were actually interested in his preference.

"Hmm I like iced lattes, but it's getting colder these days, so I usually go for a caramel frappuccino with lots of whipped cream," he explained in his usual enthusiastic voice, and the simple joy of talking about his favourite drink (or rather, you asking about it) made you smile widely.

"Then, make me one of your recent favourite drinks," you decided, and he giddily got started on it while asking about your tests coming up. Winter break was only a few weeks away, so you had a lot of studying to do for your exams, but by waking up early and going to the library to study, you were already working on it.

When you got your order, both of the cups had your name misspelled, but both of the cups had little hearts on them, too. You cracked a smile before taking your usual order and pointing at the other one:

"It's for you. Hope you have a great day!" You wished with a wide smile, and before Yeonjun could protest, you were already outside of the café. Through the windows though, you could see the boy's face lighting up as he reached for the drink and took a sip from it, content.

Well, he always made your days, so it was time to pay him back.

Yoojung, as expected, faked gagging at your gesture towards the boy, but it seemed so right in the moment. Not to mention that your best friend was even more sure by now that the boy liked you, but you weren't that sure, and it would be awkward if you misread the signs because you were such a frequent visitor at the café.

However, as you neared winter break, and you talked about going home for the holidays, you couldn't help but notice Yeonjun's lips curling downwards. You asked if he was working during the winter break since you knew that he was from around here, and he said that he was off for one whole week, but he would get back to work afterwards.

"I might be meeting friends here in early January, so I might come by," you blurted out, and it seemed like such an unnecessary piece of information that you almost told him to forget about it. However, seeing the boy's bright eyes and insanely wide smile, you didn't mind doing so.

"Really? That's cool. I'll be here anyway, you know," he tried to shrug it off coolly, but he was fighting contentment painting his lips. He looked so happy, your heart did little somersaults at the sight.

"Can't let your favourite customer miss out on coming by for weeks," you joked around, and he joined you.

"Can't let you not have your daily dose of Choi Yeonjun," he winked at you before he turned around to reach for the milk bag, but as he was pouring it into your cup, he looked up, suddenly alarmed. "Wait, is this your last day before going home then?"

"Yeah, actually, it is," you nodded, and suddenly, you realised that you didn't know what to say or do. It's not a goodbye after all, is it? However, you were coming here almost every single day for the past few months, and Yeonjun had become such a solid part of your days that you had a feeling that you would miss this, that you would miss him.

"Oh, I see," Yeonjun mumbled, uncharacteristically solemn. You got a message on your phone at this time, so you looked at it, writing back to one of your group project partners, telling her that you would be at the library in 15 minutes.

When you put your phone back into your coat's pocket and you reached for your drink, you automatically took a sip of it. You let out a content hum and Yeonjun smiled affectionately.

"Merry Christmas! Don't miss me too much," he winked at you, dissolving the earlier serious atmosphere, and you smiled back at him, thankful and a bit bashful, too.

"Merry Christmas, Yeonjun!" You wished, albeit a bit bittersweet, and there was an odd feeling taking over you as you made your way outside of the café.

As you lifted the cup to your mouth, you noticed more words than just your name on the side of the cup, and you halted in your steps to get a full view of it.

"It's my number in case you miss me too much, y/n!

P.S.: I know your name, I just wanted to have a reason at all times to talk to you"

Smiling, you immediately typed the number into your phone, sending Yeonjun a message. He replied almost instantly, teasing you if you already missed him. To which, you said that maybe you did.

After that, there was nothing that could put an end to your texts, and soon enough, you found yourself on a date with him in January because Yoojung was right; Yeonjun truly did misspelled your name on purpose.

A/N: Merry Christmas, everyone! Even if you don’t celebrate it or don’t enjoy this time of the year for whatever reason, I hope this story could bring you some joy.  ❤️

If you’re interested in more of my stories, consider signing up for my taglist HERE.

Thank you so much for reading this story of mine! It means a lot to me. ❤️

[phandompenny]

1990 Phantom Fic Recs

Since the lovely @wheel-of-fish's stream of the 1990 TV production of POTO, I have been unable to stop thinking about Cherik and know there are countless others who likely feel the same.

Perhaps the only thing more tragic than the ending is the fact that there's so few 1990 fics! And among those tagged many of them take some character inspiration but don't really use the unique premise and setup and characters provided in the Y/K miniseries. So I've decided to compile this list of a few of my favourites! Enjoy!

what i would best like to see by queeenciri

A much gentler and happier picnic unmasking, where Christine reacts a little differently! I love the character work in this fic; the thoughts and emotions of the characters feel so real, and it really breaks down their motivations.

Together We Dream by Anonymous

This one is brand new and I'm in love with the prose and writing style of it! An extra conversation between Erik and Christine, one that could fit into canon or be a turning point. Christine reflects on some similarities between them, and it leads to this emotional conversation with angst and joy entwined gorgeously.

How Deep the Bullet Lies by oprhan__account

This is more of a hurt/comfort and whump fic, where Erik survives the ending of the miniseries. It's mainly him processing the events of the show and musing on what comes next, and does have a ending that is pointing towards things improving! Currently listed as chapter 1/? , but it's still worth reading as a fantastic exploration of an intriguing concept.

Sunflowers by CottagecoreCandlelight

Incredibly fluffy E/C, where Christine gifts Erik some sunflowers. Filled with the adorable shyness and sweetness that this couple has, and I'm in love with the visual image of 1990 Erik and his bouquet of sunflowers. They suit him very well!

Understatement by BrendaDaaeDestler

Erik takes Christine on their first date together! Fluff including a candlelit dinner and slow dancing. This is an AU where Gerard is willing to set up such a date, but the main focus is the budding romance between Erik and Christine.

A Magical World by pippa-writes

This is actually a collection of four ficlets! They're mostly canon compliant, and range from Christmas fluff to Christine regretting the picnic unmasking. The first one is even a Phillipe centric look at Christine's grief post canon (unfortunately with the canon ending), which I find quite unique and fascinating.

Rêver by trace-of-rouge

Somewhat tragic and angsty one shot, this is Erik musing on the nature of dreams and his feelings for Christine. It's a very good short character study, and I really enjoy the insight into Erik's thoughts.

The Strange Case of Monsieur Belladova by NPennyworth

If I constantly reread my own story then I'm allowed to put it on my own phic rec list, and I am seriously quite proud of how this one turned out! I wanted to explore a happier AU where Erik gets to just work at the opera house; this is written from the perspective of the opera company as they debate whether to say anything about the mask, but it seems rude to point it out when nobody else has. Mostly humor and fluff, with background E/C.

[no1sharkenthusaist]

! hsr headcannons for several characters ! [modern au]

♪ In-ter-net-o ya-me-ro ♪!

Y u m i - c h a n i s n o w o n l i n e !

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Characters : Dan Heng, Serval, Blade, Gepard, March

Plot : no real plot, just headcannons about honkai Characters in a modern au setting

Tags : modern au, headcannons, fluff, slight crack, wrote this at 11pm while heading home from a road trip

authors note : omg got a steam deck for my birthday (may 30th) and I. AM. IN. LOVE !!! I could talk abt it for hours and hours but i have my discord for that ehe. Anyways, ive been having fun rediscovering my old childhood games and thats when i had an epiphany. Hsr or genshin boys in a ddlc type scenario!!! Feeling so swag abt the idea. Also i got out of school so more uploads yaya. Thank u all for the support on my intro page yippee. I promise not to let you all down

╭( ･ㅂ･)و ̑̑ enjoy !

DANHENG

Now playing : Scrawny - The Wallows

He definitely dresses like with collared shirts and kinda has that accidental soft boy look

English major frfr

definitely listens to lovejoy/wilbursoot and bo burnham

Water drinker enthusiast (even tho he forgets to drink half the time-)

burnt out gifted kid

messed up sleeping schedules

Hes that quiet guy everyone has a crush on to some extent

He looks cold and serious during lectures, but hes actually just daydreaming and has his head in the clouds

Probably stays with the same group of kids he met in middle school because he cant socialize

I think said kids would be march, stelle/caleus, himeko And on ocasion blade, kafka, and silverwolf

Welt would be a chill english teacher that would let Dan Heng sit in his classroom during lunch

he likes going to concerts a lot

Learned to play guitar in middle school but doesnt like playing in front of people

Consider yourself lucky if he plays in front of you

Extremely oblivious to romance

Girls will try to flirt with him but he will just have a blank and confused look

Spends his free time in book stores shopping for records

Ps5 gamer frfr

Theater kid (had a hamilton phase)

SERVAL

Now playing : Shut Me Up - Mindless Self Indulgence

Shut me up by mindless self indulgence on loop

Like its probably to an unhealthy level

Always has headphones in(that gepard gave her for her birthday)(And so loud to the point you can hear the music standing next to her)

(went deaf at the ripe age of 13, after that it was all "huh?" /j)

Shirts from old bands, baggy jeans, fishnets, etc

Had an alt phase

Bad habit of smashing guitars

Dropped out of college after first semester

Had a band in highschool with Blade and Dan Heng that received noise complaints on a regular Basis

Really extroverted and easy to get along with

Loves going to concerts (especially the ones that get crazy like halfway through )

Probably gets in fights during black friday

Addicted to coffee (gepards needs to step in and help her drink something else)

Likes bitter stuff more than sweet stuff

Cares very deeply for her friends

The type of gal to go on road trips with friends and go Camping

Goes to protests every other tuesday

Probably banned from several places

very passionate about things she loves

Loves scary movies and Rollercoasters

The six flags employees have memorized her name

(shes just so cool i wanna be like her fr)

BLADE

Now playing : Consequences - Lovejoy

Theater kid (would never admit it tho)

Kafka teases him about it so much

met kafka and silverwolf in detention

The teachers hate the three of them

Alt kid and never got out of his emo phase

Besties with serval, change my mind

Kafka probably pushed him to join boxing to get his anger out in a less…destructive way

Loves the sleepovers he has with kafka and silverwolf

Broke silverwolf's tv while playing wii sports

Goes to college, no clue what he wants to do so hes just doing liberal studies

Adopted a small stray cat he saw on the ground during a storm

he tries to be tough and mean, but hes a big Softy

Loves the Beetlejuice musical(and mean girls but we dont talk about that)

has probably been on probation on multiple occasions

Probably vandalized the car of someone he didnt like

Kafka has to sweet talk everyone out of getting blade in serious trouble

Hes really good at basketball, he just doesnt like it so he never pushed it further

Doesnt really like or understands sports

probably listens to videogame osts 24/7

GEPARD

Now Playing : Pretty Face - PUBLIC

Getting serval out of trouble isnt a choice, its a lifestyle

Which is ironic, as he is a criminal justice major

But he still will always be her biggest supporter

Dresses (like a costco dad) soft boy by pure accident

Completely oblivious to anything and everything

Enjoys gardening and has a lemon Tree

Cave Town enthusiast

Lemonade Enthusiast

Sends people those "reminder to drink water and be happy" messages

Straight 4.0 GPA student. The teachers loved Him

Was really shy so he didnt have many friends growing up (Serval had to help him out)

Hates rollercoasters, serval drags him around six flags and he screams his head off

Poor guy :<

Still loves it since he loves hanging out with his sister

Student council secretary

No clue how the internet and technology works

Strong sense of justice

That has gotten him involved in several issues

Which ironically, serval got him out of

Wholesome cinnamon roll, pls protecc

MARCH 7TH

Now playing : Cupid - FIFTY FIFTY

That one girl in class that no one could hate

Class representative and student council public relations officer

Photography major (duh)

Social butterfly and very easy to talk to

Want to go out to go eat something sweet while having fun? March has you covered !

March Makes friendship braclets and sells them so she can go shopping

has a secret stash of candy hidden in her dorm

March has a babysitting gig and comes to peoples houses with candy

Shes a little kid magnet, they all love her so much

had a club penguin phase with Dan Heng and they both shudder just thinking about it

learned all her profanity from watching Dan Heng play Call Of Duty

sucks at english, fries her brain like a hashbrown

k-pop girlie

dresses really cute with cardigans and pastel pinks

(watched aphmau, Her favorite one was a mermaid tales and mystreet) [submitted by someone on my discord who wants to stay anon]

plays overwatch and says things like "Hey, thats not nice!"

lowkey kind of a teachers pet-

Loves webtoons and collects the physical releases

! Thats a wrap !

! Join my discord HERE !

! Likes, reblogs, comments are greatly appreciated !

and thank you for reading ^^

♪ Overdose 君とふたり やるせない日々♪

! y u m i - c h a n i s n o w o f f l i n e !

t h a n k y o u f o r c o m i n g ~

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

[justphilia]

Hi!!! I wrote something ^_^

Fandom: The Owl House (Cartoon) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Hunter | The Golden Guard/Willow Park Characters: Hunter | The Golden Guard (The Owl House), Willow Park, Gus Porter, Luz Noceda, Amity Blight Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Fluff, and just a sliver of, Angst, just a little bit, at best, Hurt/Comfort, BUT PREDOMINANTLY FLUFF OKAY, School, Autistic Hunter | The Golden Guard (The Owl House), Lumity is established despite not being tagged, Hunter's Love Language is Acts of Service (The Owl House), Unreliable Narrator

Preview:

It has been precisely twenty-four hours since Hunter started officially dating Willow. He had made sure to take note of the time then, when Willow had gently tucked a strand of hair back and then took both his hands into hers, smiling up at him softly. 

He wanted to so badly memorize the callouses on her hands, trace every line out with his fingers. There was so much warmth in them, and in her eyes, that he felt like he was being consumed whole by her love. And how he loves her so much too.

“We should date,” she had put it very simply, so straightforwardly. He had misunderstood her countless of times before, she wasn’t going to add onto that number any longer.

And Hunter, ever so eloquent and intelligent with his words, replied with, “Heheheh, mmhughuh.”

She laughed, of course, squeezing his hands tighter, and though the Hunter at that time considered his response a total failure, the Hunter now marking their day-versary thinks her laughter from his non-words was a definite success.

From this point on, nothing matters more than Willow Park’s happiness. He will make sure to serve his duty as a good boyfriend and see to it that she becomes the happiest girl ever. Fortunately enough, he has prepared for this.

There’s nothing you can’t learn about through books. However, only a pathetic idiot would read a self-help book on how to maintain a relationship. They’re way too theory-based, and hardly provide any evidence on results. 

The best way to learn something is through experience, which is why Hunter has studied up plenty with romance books. After all, how could a novelist write about romance if they haven’t experienced romance themselves? The results are in the narrative, and they always usually end with a happily ever after.

(Now he’s glad he suffered through the embarrassment of being caught reading one by Darius. With Hunter now actually dating Willow, his initial explanation on wanting to be prepared, which Darius didn’t believe, will finally be proven.)

According to one of his favorites, ‘Aubade’, it’s important to be consistent with communication. The reason of conflict was that the main character, at some point in the story, ceased contact with the love interest, and though their time apart strengthened their love in a longing sense, it still inevitably hurt both parties.

To be honest, if Hunter was the main character, he’d never be wrapped up in that. He will never cease contact with Willow. 

“Ohh, looks like we’re going to be in separate classes for General Magic and History,” Willow cross references her letter with Hunter’s, which lists all their new class schedules and rooms. 

“Huh?!” Hunter practically smashes his face against Willow’s letter, while Luz and Amity cheer in the background about sharing all of their common classes. “Why would they do this?!”

[danggirlronpa]

Oh! I didn't expect you to turn it back on me and ask if I had any suggestions... But I actually do!

retrograde brain (why is boredom your fate?) by Firedawn (Serpyre): kyouko/ryouko & super interesting! I really liked their relationship in it, though I will admit it's not the only focus; Junko's sister-relationship with Mukuro gets some focus too. Mukuro might actually be one of my favorite parts aside from the relationship in this one, too; I think the ending is PERFECT as well. Definitely more on the heavy side of things, but a very good read.

I Can't Fix It (is this where i give in?) by TheImmortalFlame: this one features a trans girl!Ouma named Keiko, which might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I definitely liked. It's a lot of AUs in a trench coat, too; most notably despair!Ouma. The ships are Maki/Keiko & Junko/Keiko and is pretty dark/sad but has a happy ending in the end. Love wins!

The Threshold by tsurugikinjo: a Junkan first meeting reimagining (not compliant with DR3), and one of my favorite versions of it. Warning for contemplation of suicide though, nothing happens but there are thoughts.

Mission: Inshoppable by Ripley Scrolls: more Mukuro focused than romance focused, but Komaru goes shopping with Mukuro to try and find something for Syo for her birthday, very cute! Definitely one of the more fluffy ones on this list.

Hopeless Devotion by Snarky_Sociopath: another Junkan reimagining (not complaint with DR3). I would warn that there's background incest between Mukuro and Junko, but the author has said that's only because they are like that in the DR3 canon, and that they aren't trying to romanticize it. It's also not the focus. I definitely understand if anyone wants to skip it because of that, however, as the topic makes me uncomfortable, too. It also focuses on some of the twilight syndrome girls relationships to Mikan in a very enjoyable way, too!

Chiaki Nanami Doesn't Smile by Oceantoast: Enonami with despair!Chiaki; I'm so starved of enonami content that I eat all of these sort of fics up.

Absolutely, Unnaturally, Picture-Perfect by lonely_lowri: a Mahiru character study!!! Less romance focused, but it definitely has Sato/Mahiru & Hiyoko/Mahiru in it.

Her Smile is the Sun by Midnightdemonht: This one is a Junko character study through the eyes of the remnants (not DR3 complaint), so it's not exactly focused on the romances? But they are definitely there.

Everything You've Ever Dreamed by VanadisValentine: NON DESPAIR JUNKAN... it's very sweet. They do a lot of non despair/non abusive Junkan so if that's someone's vibe, I definitely recommend their works!

Write Your Name In Secrets by PekoIsBaby: one of my favorite Celestia/Kyouko fics ever!!! It's plot is pretty darn good, too—I definitely recommend it for anyone who even has a passing interest in these two, it's really good!

Remember by PekoIsBaby: Sakura/Aoi, and my favorite of the pairing I've read. I wasn't immediately sold on the premise of mythical creature au but this one is really, really good. Even if you too aren't immediately sold on the premise, I do recommend reading it anyways because it may just surprise you!

Red Fingernails by PekoIsBaby: Mikan recovering from Junko fic with a bunch of Mikan/girls pairings, aha, though a lot of them are only implied. Ibuki/Mikan is the main ship, if I remember correctly, but there's minor Akane/Mikan & Mahiru/Mikan too. Mikan recovery fic wooo let's go!!!

Sound Bites by starrylitme: Ibuki/Sayaka focus with some Ibuki/Junko, set in the IF-verse. I don't even ship Ibuki/Sayaka but this really made me a lot more interested in them! The way they both relate to music in different ways... very interesting.

Phantasmal Voices by Kayleen756894: ghost!Junko non despair Junkan AU... warning for suicide, but very very good so far! It hasn't updated in a few years, but I'm hoping it will eventually because it's super good.

Pink Heart Flutter by GalaxyAqua: VERY FLUFFY AND CUTE... miu/kaede, just pure fluff.

To Destinations Unknown by GalaxyAqua: a very good NWP post-V3 Miu/Angie AU. Probably my favorite Miu/Angie work out there, tbh.

Burning Your Eyes In The Sun by Jacynon: TENKO/ANGIE MY BELOVED... post-V3 NWP AU, and my favorite Tenko/Angie work I've read. I love Tenko/Angie & I think this work really incapsulates why.

like an island, just me and you by criminalheart: Mikan/Tenko in UTDP & really, really good!!! I loved how it explored Mikan & didn't shy away from her sometimes darker tendencies while still having Tenko be a light in the darkness for her... and it was very sweet, the whole thing.

you and god both got the guns by Jacynon: Tsumugi/Angie & a GREAT exploration of it. Tsumugi-focused.

Better Brighter by starrylitme: NANAMIKI PRE-DESPAIR... I love this one because Mikan is a bit unhinged in it. We need more toxic doomed Yuri nanamiki & I stick by that. This isn't exactly that, but it does scratch the itch somewhat. My favorite Nanamiki story out there!!

a series in poor focus by revolutionator: SATO/MAHIRU MY BELOVED.... probably my favorite Sato/Mahiru works!

Patient Logs by shsldespair: a Mikan-focused recovery fic, with past Junkan. She talks a lot about their relationship & some of the things she says are permanently ingraved in my head... this was written before DR3, I'm pretty sure, so it's not complaint with that.

stillness in woe by sonia (orphan_account): RYOUKO/MIKAN MY BELOVED... plus it's a goddess au which is so cool!!!

Incomplete by GalaxyAqua: Akane/Mikan, and probably the best of the ship I've read! Very good. A little on the sad side, but ultimately hopeful - it's set in a non despair AU.

Liar by monsterkiss: Sayaka/Junko & one of my favorites of the ship! It's from Junko's POV which is cool to see, & canon compliant.

Soft (But Only For Her) by Kayleen756894: a collection of nine abusive Junkan fics, very sweet!!

Those are just some of my favorites! I also didn't include any that I wrote (though you can go looking for them; my account is Buttercup_ghost and I do have a fair amount of them), just ones others wrote. Happy reading!!

Sorry this ask took so long to get to!! I held off to read all of them so I could offer my own thoughts, but I don't think I'll be able to for at least another month or two, and I definitely don't want to wait so long to share such a well crafted list T_T For now, I'll post it for others to see & so I can come back to it later!!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

how about some general sherlock taking care of john fics? (am scrolling through your list of ready to post lists for stuff that catches my eye)

Hi Lovely!

AHHHH I'm so glad you picked something from my list because it makes my weekends so much easier, hahah. I absolutely am happy to share this next part with you!! Enjoy!!

JOHN WHUMP / SHERLOCK TAKES CARE OF JOHN Pt 4

See also:

John Whump / Sherlock Takes Care of John

John Whump / Sherlock Takes Care of John Pt. 2

John Whump / Sherlock Takes Care of John Pt. 3

John Whump with Guilty Sherlock

Three Garridebs Moment

John Has Cancer

Colds, Fevers, and Flus

The Four Incidents by TheGirlWithRedHair22 (K+, 1,064 w., 1 Ch. || S1 Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, John Whump, Accident, John POV, Hand Holding, Worried Sherlock, Sherlock’s Self Esteem) – The first time John was present when someone insulted Sherlock, he brushed it off as a strange coincidence.

And, Usually, He's the One Who GIVES Me a Headache by  Cumberbatch Critter (T, 1,315 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, POV John, Cranky John, Headaches, Head Massage) – A migraine is never fun.

Here to Stay by MockJayPhoenix12 (K, 1,574 w., 1 Ch. || Post Reunion, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Headache, Bed Sharing, Care Taker Sherlock, Hand Holding, Fluff) – On Sherlock's first day home, John wakes with a migraine.

The 3x John Carried Sherlock, and Once ViceVersa by  ShinkonoKokoro (K+, 1,673 w., 1 Ch. || Fluff, Friendship, Three and One, BAMF John, Sherlock Whump, Worried Sherlock, John Gets Shot) – It happens more than he suspects.

Study in John by chappysmom (K+, 2,158 w., 1 Ch. || Post-ASiP, POV John, Introspection, Friendship, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, John’s Limp) – After the events of "A Study in Pink," John lies on the couch in Baker Street and thinks about the whirlwind events of the day. What is he getting himself into?

A Room of One's Own by whitchry9 (K+, 2,174 w., 5 Ch. || S2 Timeline, Hurt/Comfort, Supernatural, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Coma, John Whump, Worried Sherlock, POV John, Angst, Friendship/Bromance, Hospital) – When a severe head injury lands John in a coma, somehow he ends up in Sherlock's mind palace. It's actually pretty nice there, and John is entertaining the notion of staying there, rather than returning to his broken body. But Sherlock isn't taking it as well, and John can feel him breaking around him.

Spilt Milk by Erin Giles(K+, 2,222 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – John comes back from a trip to the supermarket only to take a trip up the stairs. Both shopping and blood are spilled leaving Sherlock to play the role of Doctor.

Unquantifiable by 221b_hound (M, 2,799 w. 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Sherlock/Sally Friendship, Grumpy John, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Pet Names, Texting, Sweet Sherlock, Princess Bride References) – John remains a terrible and foul-tempered patient, but he does try to make up for it with pet names and text message silliness. In the meantime, Sally Donovan visits Baker Street for a hint about the Milverton case, and has to deal with a Sherlock Holmes who can't find words big enough to thank her for saving John's life at the warehouse. For afters, there's a viewing of The Princess Bride. Part 33 of the Unkissed series

Study in Sherlock by chappysmom (K+, 3,790 w., 1 Ch. || ASiP, Friendship, Introspection, Anxious Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Caring Sherlock, Stroppy Sherlock) – Sherlock's thoughts and feelings during A Study in Pink. What DID he think of John, and why was he being so NICE?

When Your Belly's in the Trench by Morgan_Stuart (T, 4,743 w., 1 Ch. || PTSD, Character Study, Rescue, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Torture, Trauma, Danger, Drama, Kidnapping/Captivity) – The next time that door opens, John Watson will kill the person on the other side.

A Study in Linguistics by rizandace (T, 12,425 w., 1 Ch. || S1 Canon Compliant/S2 Divergence, Friendship, Slices of Life, Communication, Cranky Sherlock, Hospitals, Sherlock Whump, Pet Cat, Jealous John, Sherlock’s Violin, Anxious Sherlock, John Whump) – Sherlock Holmes and John Watson had their own language. It was a language of few words and minute facial expressions, and John had learned that it was nearly the only way to have an honest conversation with his eccentric flat mate.

Rupert Street by WritingOutLoud (M, 27,262 w., 9 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting || Case Fic, Sexuality, Demisexual Sherlock, Drugging, Smart John, Sherlock Has Internalized Biphobia, Fluff, Angst with Happy Ending, Gay Bar, Flirting, John Manipulates Sherlock to Eat, John Deduces, Arguments, Kidnapping/Torture, Hospitalization, John Whump) – Discharged from the war with nothing but the clothes on his back and a realisation of his bisexuality, John Watson has to learn who he’s become. He can’t afford London on an army pension, but the city is the only friend he has. In an effort to understand his newfound queer identity, he heads to a bar one night, where he stumbles across a mysterious stranger who turns his life upside down. ‘I dug around inside myself, and I'm not quite sure what I found, but it was beautiful and terrifying all at the same time.’

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

Breakable by MissDavis (E, 117,627 w., 34 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE, WiP || Established Relationship, Major Character Injury, Fluff/Angst, Depression, Paralysis/Disabilities, Hurt/Comfort, POV Sherlock, Mental Health Issues, Drug Use, Happy-ish Ending) – After John is seriously injured, Sherlock struggles to figure out how to help him, keep himself sane, and maybe, just maybe, get their life back to the way it's supposed to be. Part 1 of Breakable Not Broken

[a-world-with0ut-dr34ms]

Your Telepathic Hold On Me

From Control - Full Story in Progress on AO3!

Ghost x Shadow!Reader x Soap

mentions of past Graves x Reader

Love Triangle, Fluff, Rom/Com-like, Slow Burn, Romance, Drama, Melodrama, Character Study, Multi-POV, Semi Explicit, Slight Angst, Wet Dreams, Friendzoning, Steamy (but more teasing than actual smut), Masturbastion, Military Inaccuracies, Canon-Compliant (hopefully), Pining, Angsty with random rom-com moments, A Roller-Coaster, Dark, A bit edgy, Grown men with crushes

tw: // violence, blood

Word Count: 11.5k

This took me 5,000 years to conjure up and type, but I finally finished it and I enjoyed typing it so that's all that matters. I just wanted this to read like a messy soap opera for the eyes. I've been away for a while too so I figured I'd make this long. It's messy, but I'm trying to keep every in character. This is basically a love triangle. Please enjoy (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

Hope it's not boring and stupid, I'm rusty as hell (ʃᵕ̩̩ ᵕ̩̩)

Masterlist

There are many parts of life that Ghost has grown used to.

He's used to waking up every morning and having nothing but his work to look forward to. That familiar solitude waiting for him at the end of every shift was as much a part of his life as anything else.

He's used to his usual streak of bad luck too. It wouldn’t be a regular day for the man if some inconveniences and setbacks weren’t sprinkled in here and there. Dealing with bad luck was a hidden talent of Ghost that life had a funny way of testing. He’s been on edge waiting to see what’s in store for him next.

He's used to doing little things to occupy his free time, which has lately been a lot of journaling and late-night jogging. It helps to have something to preoccupy himself with, rather than turning to the bottle for comfort; yet another qualm inherited to him by his father. Ghost would never allow himself to succumb to such vices as easily as his old man had though. That’s a cautionary tale the lieutenant didn’t need to live through a second time.

He's used to dealing with strangers and all their odd comments and tantalizing stares. When you're as mountainous in appearance and intimidating to talk to as he is, you learn to grow thick skin and not take things so personally. And by now he’s grown used to keeping people at a distance. 

At the start, it had been deliberate, knowing he was in no place to be thinking of building relationships with anyone outside of his team. And even that was with the bare minimum effort. 

Everyone must have just finally gotten the memo. Almost everyone. Eventually, Ghost got so good at keeping people away that he hardly had to try anymore. They just stopped approaching him. Stopped asking him personal questions. Stopped trying. 

He's used to that feeling he gets when he sees couples in public. That twinge which knots at the pit of his gut and wrinkles his nose beneath his mask. As someone known to stare, PDA was definitely a head-turner for the lieutenant, and rather nauseating to look at. That's how he'd put it. 

What many would take for disdain, however, was really only a faint longing for something he's only ever been a passive observer to. Love. He isn't used to that feeling, though he is used to being the one always on the outside of it. Any other kind of love has only ever been taken from him all too soon. Always out of his hands, and always just out of reach. That's a lot more familiar to him.

But that feeling would come, and then it would pass, because it's what Ghost is used to. Moving. Working. Surviving.

Living.

It's safe to say Ghost can handle a few contrivances throughout his day. However, today seemed especially adamant on testing his patience, in all new ways he never thought of before. Both petty, pointless, and far too sweet.

Even his dreams had been out to get him this morning, which did not surprise him, as bad dreams stuck to him like a bad habit. Still, it didn't make them any less welcome. And looking back, it may have been best to have taken the dreams as a heads-up for the kind of day he was in for.

Ghost didn't remember passing out the night before, only that he had entered his room later than he should have, leaving you and Soap to yourselves. While he wouldn't say the night was terrible, it left him with more to think about than he'd wanted when deciding to tag along. 

That would be the case, as his mind would tell him so the moment he finally managed to pass out.

Contrary to popular belief, Ghost could be a surprisingly creative thinker. He's always been very imaginative, even as a boy. Had he a better childhood, perhaps it could have taken him places. But life's never had much in store for him it seems, so his creative talents felt best suited to his nightmares instead.

It had been a simple dream, a near recap of the night before. 

You've left the cafe in a fluster of emotions, soon to be followed by Soap. Ghost remained inside, standing off in the distance as he watched you both run off. Waiting.

The cafe would grow emptier as the minutes crawled by endlessly. The music would slowly fade, and the ambiance would die out. The lights would grow so dim that it made the building feel cold, and before long not a soul lingered around Ghost, who was now alone. Still waiting.

It wasn't until he heard the sounds of you both screaming that Ghost finally sprung from his spot and out the cafe doors.

Outside had been no different. All the traffic and crowds had all but vanished, a dense fog settling across the city streets that even the streetlights struggled to break through. And it was quiet.

Ghost quickly found you standing off a ways from the cafe, your back turned to him, and Soap nowhere in sight. 

In the waking world, Ghost was a man who modeled himself on control and discipline. He could not afford to be someone who let his emotions get the better of him, especially if his behaviors in his dreams were a reflection of who that man would be. 

In his dreams, where all that structure and discipline he's built around himself could no longer follow, lie a man untamed by demons and darker whims he felt powerless to take control over.

He demanded to know where Soap had gone. When you couldn’t answer him, he felt a violent urge take over. As though some demon suddenly possessed him. Ghost lunges towards you, his large hands over-compassing the small frame of your neck with ease, as he pins you to the cafe walls behind you, his dark eyes seething.

You look up at him, stricken with fear as your frail hands pull at him, gasping in shock as you whimper in his grasp. You plead to him, trying to reason with him, even now. 

Your words would only fall on deaf ears, as Ghost's grip tightened around your neck, the muscles in your throat bending to his grasp. His body moved with a mind of its own, blacking out everything else. Waiting to see in your eyes the fears he's harbored for you. Wanting to hear you curse him. Wanting you to affirm to him what he only waits for you to realize in reality. That he’s no good.

But even so, you hold no resentment in your gaze, nor pity. Your hands release from his wrist, slowly trailing up, until he's felt your warm touch rest against the sides of his face. Gently caressing him.

"Ghost..."

Ghost isn't sure when it was that his grip had loosened on your neck after that, only that his hands began to tremble soon after. You take a step closer, your hands still holding him, as his jawline all but sinks into your palms. All the while, Ghost's hands linger around your neck, having grown accustomed to its shape.

Your thumb gently rubs against his cheek, soothing his tense body. "Isn't this what you want?"

"I..." Ghost's head dips, no longer able to look you in your eyes. It shamed him to admit that he did want this. To be touched, to be held, to be taken in and for that not to go away. Not so soon at least. He didn’t want to need those things, to long for them. He’s gotten this far in life without them now, he knows he can keep it up. And yet… “...You're not gettin' in my head. I won't let you. I can't…"

"You can..." You lift yourself up on your tip-toes, the crown on your head just barely meeting his forehead, your eyes locked on his. "...I already am."

Despite your persistence, Ghost somehow manages to keep himself from succumbing to your urges, though it takes everything in him to. He needn't act out on these whims, even in his dreams.

However, your tenacity was a foe unmatched even as a figment of his darker imagination.

Your hands stop just at the end of his mask, and you begin to tug. The sensation is as if you’d begun to pull Ghost’s soul from him. He wishes it would have woken him, but the night’s hold was heavy.

You stop pulling his mask up just shy of the bridge of his nose, revealing the light stubble that painted the lower half of his face, alongside the light purse of his lips. With your hands still lightly gripping the side of his mask, you bring him down to you. 

You press your lips to him, and Ghost' powerless to contain himself, kisses you back, feeling a wave of ecstasy wash through him. Ghost grips your neck tightly again, catching the air in your throat as you gasp into his mouth. His lips overpower your own, his sheer size having you pressed harshly against the wall. 

Ghost only parts from your mouth for the smallest moment, only to come back in again, his hands using your neck to crane your head so that he could hold you in place. Keep you with him. Wanting nothing more than to feel you... only he is unable to.

Your neck in his grasp, your lips against his, your breath that fogged the air around him -- he couldn't feel a thing. Ghost had only the faintest idea of what that sensation could feel like, having felt it so long ago now. And yet he craved it. Yearning it. Because even his dreams could not replicate that smallest of feelings you once gave him.

But before he can truly ascend onto cloud 9, a sharp pain enters his abdomen, breaking through his sternum and piercing straight into his heart. The one thing he could feel. His lips part from yours, and his eyes drag down to where you had stabbed him. 

Ghost stumbles back, his body convulsing with pain as the blood began to pool from his chest and mouth. All the while he can hear your insane laughter filling his ears, a twisted glint to your gaze, before he's finally pulled himself out of his sleep and into a panicked wake.

Once he realized he was no longer dreaming, the stiff cold air of his room finally calmed him, Ghost wasn't sure what he found most embarrassing about what just happened, however -- The fact that he had that dream at all, or the fact that only seconds later, he’s noticed the throbbing hard-on he’d gotten from it.

Ghost groans to himself and sinks his head back against his pillow. “Fuckin’ hell…”

He would have left himself alone, had the arousal not been so painfully uncomfortable to leave be. Weakly succumbing, Ghost brings a hand down to himself to finish the job, sliding his fingers beneath the waistband of his sweatpants to take hold. 

He makes quick work with his urges, moving his hand at a fast pace as he kept his eyes closed, trying to picture something to help get it done quicker.

With no one else who really came to mind, Ghost couldn't help but think back to you. How your lips moved over him in his dream, how his hands fit perfectly around your neck, and how your own hands felt like chains around him. 

He escalates the scenario in his mind, picturing you ridding yourself of your clothes. Your body bare for his perusal. Ghost thinks about you climbing over him now, your legs straddling him to the bed and his hands tightly holding onto your hips. The sweet moans you'd make with him in you would haunt him for the rest of his life, as he’s watching your body vibrate with pleasure, your gaze wanting him evermore.

Ghost buries his face into his pillow just as he climaxes, that uncontrollable lust he felt quickly being replaced by guilt and shame. 

The way you had Ghost so wound up, you'd think he were a virgin. Though that wasn't true; it had been well over three years since Ghost has actually laid with another person, and even then that last time had just been transactional. Some stranger at a bar back home he didn't mind expelling some of himself into for the night. It hadn't meant anything. 

Intimacy hasn't meant anything to him for a long time now.

Yet the way you plagued his mind would have him thinking he's never known the meaning of lust and intimacy before, until now. Like he’s been missing out or something. 

While Ghost has dreamed of you before, never has it been so... graphic. Certainly nothing like this. And for a moment, it worried the man. He's used to his typical nightmares, and knows how to combat those by now. But how was he supposed to tackle this one? What even was this?

Ghost had given up trying to find the purpose of that dream the minute it grew easier to settle for the obvious answer, the one that pained him to admit: Perhaps he did have a crush on you after all. 

He finds you attractive, clearly. But a crush? It felt so beneath him, being unable to stop something as silly as that from forming. Still, this stupid little crush has somehow caused him more inner turmoil than any of the recent ops he’s last run, and it was mighty embarrassing.

It's safe to say, having to see you later today would feel more awkward than Ghost would have liked. Especially since it would technically be your first official day on the team. But he hadn't planned on treating you any differently than anyone else, and a single dream wasn't going to change that now.

That was the plan at least.

…

"You know Halloween ain't 'til the end of the month, right?"

Ghost stood in front of the register at one of the corner stores within walking distance from the barracks. The only one open this early in the morning.

The lieutenant damn near towered over the counter space, tired eyes watching unenthusiastically as the cashier  -- some scrawny little woman who looked like she'd seen a few street fights in her day -- scanned and bagged his box of tea. She's been giving Ghost the side-eye since she stepped in, shadowing him in every aisle. 

Ghost didn't blame her much, seeing as he's shown up in a hoodie and a ski mask. But honestly, the man really did just want to pick up some tea. While this had not been his first choice for tea, Ghost has come to learn how little Americans really care for the drink.

Had Ghost been back home, or not stationed here, he'd have forgone the mask and just gone later in the day. However, seeing as that wasn't the case, going early in the morning to pick up some tea at least meant he wouldn't bump into too many wide-eyed pedestrians ready to gawk at him for wearing a bloody mask. 

Ghost still could not tell for the life of him what fascinated people so much about it. It's only a mask. Though this is coming from a man who also, very often, forgets his sheer size and presence. The mask was only the cherry on top, really. Perhaps in their shoes, he'd do the same.

But even so, unprovoked comments from strangers were the lieutenant’s bread and butter. 

"Just bein' festive, Luv."

Ghost hands the woman cash for the tea, watching her take her time counting it. "And you went with that?" she asks, rather mockingly too.

"Weren't much to choose from, I'm afraid," Ghost says dryly.

The cashier hands Ghost his bag and gives him a learned smile. "Well, hey, you've got time." And then she waves him goodbye. 

Ghost merely catalogs this as yet another awkward interaction he's had with the locals since being stationed here.

The awkward occasion before this one had been with some other woman two days ago. Poor thing just popping by her nearest gas station for a drink, when Ghost all but gave her a stroke. The last thing she expected to bump into when she hastily opened the gas station doors was this ugly mug. She screamed so loud that Ghost was sure the entire block heard her. 

It's safe to say nothing has been quite as awkward as that. Who knew Americans could be so jumpy?

Ghost's walk back to his room had been a sunny one, on a sidewalk busier than this Wednesday morning called for. The air, once warm for the summer, was finally beginning to cool, as early signs of fall showed themselves in the tree's leaves.

As Ghost drew near his building, he passed by a floral shop that someone recently set up at the park. He'd taken a gander or two at the flowers his first time walking past them earlier.

Whoever set it up made sure to have the most vibrant flower arrangements decorating the area. Baskets sat displayed both high and low, filled to the brim with a rainbow of different petals and plants. It grabbed a lot of attention from the bystanders, people stopping to look or even buy a bouquet for their significant other. At times it was like watching a movie.

The last time Ghost bought flowers it had been for his mother. She always liked her lavenders and tulips, and Ghost always enjoyed the smile on her face when he'd show up to her home with them. He nearly sighs out loud just thinking back to that time. It feels so long ago now.

Ghost wouldn't say he had a Green Thumb, though he did always enjoy planting new flowers every Spring with his mother. Whenever she'd find the time to and his old man was away on another one of his benders long enough.

He remembers enjoying how colorful their front lawn would look when they finished, compared to the rest of the gray they lived around in Manchester. Everything around him when he was younger always felt so sad and lifeless, it was nice to just be with himself and the Earth, giving back to it in a peaceful way for a change.

A small part of him thought of buying some flowers for his room, just to lighten the place up some. But then he thought, what would be the point of that? Buying flowers for his room just so when it was late at night he could look at them and be sad all over again. Always the self-destructive sort he was.

A woman approached the shop suddenly, dressed in a white sundress and a light straw hat. She pauses when she sees the sunflowers, nearly matching her in height, as her hair wisps gently in the breeze. 

For a split second, Ghost thought that may have been you; she was your spitting image. It caught the man off guard so much that a cold chill shivered down his spine. Had the little details not tipped him off that it wasn’t you, Ghost would have thought you were stalking him. But it seems you only did so in his mind; anything else was more on him than you, he begrudgingly knew that much.

Ghost watched the woman longer than he should have, seeing her speak to the vendors with such vigor and excitement. She’d take another eyeful of all the flowers, and find herself in another state of awe before she was back on her tangent once more. She feels the petals, smells their scent, then smiles. And when her eyes turn back for only a split second, she sees Ghost standing a few feet away… and then she frowns.

Ghost stares back coldly, wanting to send her gaze away from him. Though when she does look away, it only makes the man feel rather silly. What, had he expected her to smile when she saw him? She's not you, he thought. No one was like you, and that's what made this so damn annoying to deal with.

The faint illusion of you was shattered once the woman’s husband stepped into view. Some short, skinny man who looked nothing like Ghost at all. He curved around her, his arm wrapping around her waist, as she looked up at him with a warm smile. The kind of look a woman gave to someone she loved. Ghost has seen it from others enough times to recognize it.

"Watch out!"

Ghost's head snaps over to the sound of someone shouting at him on the sidewalk. When he looks over, he sees a man on his bike, recklessly speeding straight toward him. 

With quick reflexes he's had time to fine-tune, Ghost quickly sidesteps the cyclist. However, it's not fast enough to keep the cyclist's handlebar from clipping his arm a little, knocking the box of tea out of Ghost's hands and into a large, growing puddle on the side of the road.

Once Ghost sees his tea completely submerged in the murky water, the man prepares himself for the worst-case scenario. He just stands over it for a moment, not even phased by the sheer luck of it all. When he kneels down to retrieve it, of course, the sealant wrapped around it was punctured, letting all the water get into each and every tea bag inside its box.

Though on the outside Ghost was calm and composed, there was a little man inside his brain, completely raging out about not having his tea right now.

Ghost stands to his feet and sighs, already knowing he wouldn't have time to go back and get more before this morning's briefing. He knew he should have just stayed in bed that morning.

He looks back off to the floral shop, for no particular reason. That woman in the sundress had gone by now, taking a basket of trimmed sunflowers with her. 

Ghost couldn't help thinking about you one last time.

…

Ghost was surprised to find Soap already waiting in the briefing room this morning, though the man looked as though he were seconds away from passing out dead in his seat. He sits hunched over his arms, dressed in his fatigues, though he's removed his coat and rolled the sleeves to his shirt up, his arms naturally flexing beneath the fabric. His eyes light up the minute he sees the lieutenant, though it's quickly followed by a short yawn.

"Mornin' L.T." he greets.

"MacTavish." Ghost takes a seat a few chairs from Soap, settling into his seat with a sigh. "You're up early."

"Aye," Soap rubs his hands over his face, attempting to further wake himself. "I'm as shocked as you, L.T."

"Were you two up long after I left?" asks Ghost. He'd been wondering that this morning more than he cared to admit. What was it you two could have been up to last night, all alone with nothing to do? Ghost wanted to imagine it had been nothing. 

To his dismay, he hadn't been prepared for Soap's answer.

"No, but..." Soap grins to himself, looking off into the room. Recalling the night before, and letting his cheeks begin to blush. Johnny didn't have to finish that sentence, Ghost already knew. "Man, what a woman..."

"Good grief, Johnny," bemoans Ghost. Good grief was right. He knew Soap had been into you as well, and you both make it more than obvious that you enjoyed flirting. It figures sparks would fly the minute you two could find the time to be alone together. 

Ghost wasn't happy to hear the news, regardless.

But before he can finish that thought, the door opens, and in comes both you and Kate Laswell.

Both 141 men haven't seen Laswell in a while, not in person at least. She's been busy running ops on the other side of the globe with their Captain Price. Soap's been moaning and groaning about getting back to working as a full team again; Ghost hadn't really cared either way. Just as long as there was something to do. And when you see Laswell in person, you know that time was nigh.

Both Ghost and Soap stand at attention before being dismissed by Laswell. She both liked and appreciated the professionalism from her boys in the Task Force, though she never had a problem with being casual with those she worked with for long enough.

Once Laswell was at the front of the room with you, she began with the point of this whole meeting -- to formally announce your transfer to the team.

Beyond that, Soap seemed too busy looking at you to really give a damn about much of anything else at the moment. Ghost could pass that off as normal behavior by the Sergeant. However, it's when Ghost looks over at you when it urks him. Because you're giving Soap the same googly eyes back, only your much more sly about it. Just not sly enough for the lieutenant.

"I know introductions aren't really necessary this time around," Laswell mentions. "But I figured we shouldn't skip the formalities. Commander Graves and his Shadow Company were kind enough to spare their second-in-command to help assist with our investigation. With her expertise in reconnaissance and data retrieval, and her background knowledge on the investigation already, both General Shepherd and I felt she'd be a valuable asset to the team."

"Well, well," Soap begins to quip. "Movin' up in the world, aye Canary?"

"It's the only way to go," you joke back, which in turn makes you both chuckle bashfully. 

It only took a few more seconds of awkward eye contact to pass before Ghost knew that something was up. It wasn’t just some little thing last night between you, he knew. It was something he no doubt would rather have not noticed.

"For now you'll be on standby," Laswell comments. "We have a few more preparations to make before your next assignment, but it should be soon. In the meantime, we've set up training courses and team-building exercises to keep you all fresh for when we need you. Today's should be fun if I'm not mistaken."

"Aw sweet," Soap whoops dorkishly. "Are ye joinin' us then, Kate?"

Laswell smiles to herself, already preparing to leave the meeting. "I, unfortunately, have a flight to catch in the next hour," she says. "I'm assisting Shepherd with another lead. Along with Commander Graves, funny enough."

Laswell looks to you now, but to Ghost's surprise, you don't appear all that happy to be hearing your commander's name be mentioned. Not like you usually have been in the past. You instead roll your eyes jokingly, some thought irritating you for a moment before you've buried it.

"Good luck," you tell her. 

Ghost can't help but wonder what you could mean by that. The last time he saw you two, you both seemed rather close to one another. Though you seem pretty close to Soap now as well; perhaps that's just how you are with people. It piques his interest nonetheless.

Laswell adjourns the meeting soon after giving you all more details about what's been planned for you today. While today's training was dressed up as a way to keep you all from getting rusty, Ghost knew there was more to this than meets the eye.

When getting transferred, you've just essentially jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. The Task Force has you beneath a magnifying glass right now, ready to watch your every move and place it side-by-side with their own. A mix of friendly competition, and equal parts a deadly game.

Because you were transferred here for a reason, Ghost thought. If you can't keep up even in the courses, the abnormality of your arrival surely wouldn't benefit from it.

You must know this, because something felt a bit off about you this morning. Like there was a lot on your mind suddenly and it was wearing you down.

You let out a sigh once Kate has left, letting your hands fall back to your sides as you try and mentally pep yourself up for the courses. You didn't look all that thrilled.

"So, marksmanship trainin', eh?" Soap starts speaking first. "I'm lookin' forward to seein' what you got, lil' bird."

You scoff. "Little bird?"

"Oi, if you won't tell me your name, then I've gotta call you somethin' else then, don't I?"

You laugh at his comment, though only softly. Admittedly, "Little bird" felt rather close to "Songbird", a nickname you're sure Graves has dumped by now. You'd much prefer something new anyway. And it did help that the Scotsman's accent made the words sweet like candy for your ears when he said it. "Fair enough."

"So are you a good shot?" the Sergeant asks.

"I'd say so," you brag.

"We'll see soon enough, won't we?" Ghost finally speaks.

Your eyes fall on his, and while he can see a fire light up in them suddenly, he can also see that flame being dulled by something else. Something that had you look more worn than you probably were aware of.

"I can feel the pressure already," you say sarcastically.

"Aw, I'm sure you'll do fine," says Soap.

You look down at your feet almost shyly. But then you catch yourself, smirking and looking back up at the two men. Putting on an act, no doubt.

"I bet you I'll get the top score today," you boast.

This makes Soap sit up in his seat now, laughing to himself charmingly. "Oh is that right?"

"Damn straight." You begin to make your way to the exit, settled with preparing yourself for the course. "I'll see you boys on the course." 

You leave them with a wink, and Ghost catches Soap smiling like a moron.

Ghost gives Soap a few seconds to re-gather his wits about him before speaking. "Bloody hell, Johnny," he says. "'Have you gone mad?"

"I'm sorry, sir?"

"You and her," Ghost gestures with his fingers. When Soap tries to play dumb momentarily, it only seems to further tick the lieutenant off. "Didn’t I just get through with tellin’ you last night to keep your head on straight, Sergeant?”

"Oi, relax mate," Soap puts his hands up defensively. He quickly chuckles to alleviate any tension between the two men. "Nothin' major's goin' on. We're just… oh, I don't know. We're just havin’ fun while we can."

"We have a job to do, MacTavish," Ghost scolds.

"You know it's OK to lighten up and live a lil', yeah, L.T.?"

Ghost doesn't respond to the Sergeant's comment immediately, only because he began to ponder them. Lightin' up and live a little? He thought. Lightin' up and live a little…

"That is what I'm doing," Ghost says. He knows he doesn't sound all that convincing, but he wasn't about to elaborate further; he hoped it was enough to take the topic off himself. Soap always had a knack for doing that.

Soap chuckles at Ghost's comment, shaking his head at him. "Sure it is, mate."

Ghost rolls his eyes and stands from his seat. "Just don't let this get in the way of things, yeah?"

"We’re grown. I know what I‘m doin’."

"So you say now."

Nothing major going on. Even hearing that seemed to strike a hidden nerve in Ghost he hadn't felt before. So something did happen last night after he left. Of course it did. This was Johnny we were talking about here. The man could win just about anyone over if given the chance. It's why Ghost hasn't allowed him many opportunities to. But it seems in doing so with both Soap and you, it's only seemed to bring you two together instead.

Why didn't that feel like a good thing to Ghost?

…

Apparently, time no longer has any real meaning. Not in any way that you've found to be helpful. Because it seems you can spend half a year in bed with someone -- giving them everything, always being there -- and in a matter of seconds, watch all that time not mean a damn thing anymore.

I can't deal with this right now.

That's what Graves decided to text you last night after hearing your distraught voicemail. He can't deal with this right now. With you. 

It was almost embarrassing how gut-wrenching it had felt to read that, even as you'd thought you'd been prepared for it. Though before long that hurt turned to bitterness, as you slowly grew disgusted with your previous feelings.

You spend nearly a year with the man and that’s how he chooses to respond to you in a time of need. Talk about ripping off the band-aid. Alas, your commander was always just a step ahead of you all along, both in mind and feeling. 

“Over” really does mean over. 

But did it have to mean losing him completely? You felt it didn't have to be this way, but maybe it was selfish of you to have thought he'd want anything to do with you once you both cut romantic ties. After all, at the end of the day, you're only his subordinate.

Well then fine. If that's how Graves wants it, then that's how he'll get it. You felt ready enough to get back to focusing on yourself anyway. And from the way Ghost has been hounding you over this "training" course, you could use the work.

"You're off your mark!" Ghost's voice comes booming over the intercoms inside the course, though at this point you couldn't really tell him apart from your own inner thoughts. Beyond that iconic gruffness Ghost's voice possessed. At this point, you'd about heard enough of it.

This was meant to be a simple marksmanship course. Same shit, different day. The base had a whole thing set up for the team, the course being inside a large, sanctioned-off building. By now the rest of the team has gone; to no one's surprise, Ghost scored the highest, with Soap being a rather close second. 

That's only left you with the boulder size responsibility of having to prove your worth to the team by beating at least one of their scores. Easier said than done, as this was now your fourth attempt running through now.

You needed to score above the Sharpshooter level. Everyone else on the Task Force could do it, and you knew you could too. Yet every time you rounded the bend and the clocks were stopped, Ghost had the same result to share with you time and time again. "Sharpshooter."

And like that, you were asking to run the course again, reloading your rifle and waiting for Ghost to buzz you in for another go. Even he was starting to side-eye your performance.

On a different day, you may have breezed through this. It's not like you're not a good shot in your own right, and you've always been competitive. However, you hadn't realized how much of a funk you were in until now, and it was really taking a toll on your speed.

You wouldn't give up so readily, however.

You knew this was silly. You knew you didn't have to prove to anyone what skills you had. You were transferred here for a reason and anyone who had something to say about that could argue with the wall about it. But it meant something to you to tell yourself that you could do this. Because you know you can. And if Ghost is OK with continuing to supervise you, then you're OK with running the course for a fifth time.

You reach the course exit nearly out of breath, stray strands of hair now escaping your bun and sticking to the sweat of your cheeks. You lower your rifle and slouch over in exhaustion. That has to be it. "What did I get?"

Ghost steps over to you from where he's been monitoring your progress, having multiple cameras set up towards the lobby area just outside the course. His eyes lazily dip down to his clipboard, before sluggishly returning to you again.

"Sharpshooter."

You groan to yourself, annoyed, as you stepped over to the lieutenant so you could review your results. As you expected, you're only four seconds shy of Soap's top score. You haven't been able to get any closer than that.

"You keep hesitatin' when you pull the trigger," Ghost chided suddenly. "Think less with your feelings, more with your gut. Otherwise, you keep this up and it'll get you killed one of these days. I mean they teach that in basic, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," you jab, which clearly does not humor the lieutenant in the slightest. Though nothing seemed to humor him much today. In fact, he's seemed almost annoyed with you. Not that you know what it is you might have done. You had more pressing issues to deal with as is.

"I'm not talkin' for my own benefit here," Ghost remarks. "What good is havin' you with us if you can't keep up? This needs work."

"I get it, Ghost, I do," you straighten up, trying not to take his words to heart. 

"Then start acting like you do," he said.

You know that in some way he just wanted to be sure you were ready for what you've gotten yourself into. He didn't want you holding them back, and you shared the sentiment. Even now, he's only run one mission with you in the past, and you'd say your performance then was less than satisfactory that night also.

However, the lieutenant's harping could be rather grating. And he had no problem with continuing, however long you continued to stand in front of him.

"You'd 'ave been dead already, had I not been there on our last op," he says suddenly, a fact you needn't any reminding of. It's part of the reason why you haven't just called it a day yet. "Hesitation, Canary. That's your problem. Fix it."

"Yes sir," you nod.

"Now," Ghost ushers for you to get back to it. "Show me what all this fuss is over you Shadows. I'm still waiting to see for myself."

"In due time, Lieutenant," you say.

"Clock’s tickin'."

You rush back over to the course entrance, waiting at the doorway with your rifle hugged to your chest for Ghost to buzz you in. As you prepare yourself, you don't notice Soap entering the building only seconds later. Before he'd had time to say anything though, Ghost buzzed the door open, as you rushed into the course, the timer beginning.

By now you had most of the course memorized: Around this corner is a narrow corridor with six rooms on either side. Each room is filled with a mix of targets and civilians made out of metal posts that swing up once you've entered the room. The objective at this point was simple enough -- clear out all hostiles as fast as possible with as few casualties as possible.

As far as you're concerned, your precision more than matches Ghost's and Soap's, and if they couldn't see that at this point then they were deliberately giving you a hard time. When you shoot, you don't miss. It's something you've prided yourself on. However, your speed seemed to be more of a crutch than you'd noticed.

From the monitors outside the course, Ghost and Soap watch as you swiftly infiltrate the first two rooms, taking out the first couple of targets in a matter of seconds.

Soap watches intently, not having had the chance to really see you run the course yet. He has to keep himself from grinning; watching you was damn impressive. "How many times has she gone now?" he asks.

"Four. Excluding this one," Ghost answers.

"Steamin’ Jesus," Soap huffs. "How's she scorin'?"

"Just two seconds shy of Expert," Ghost says. "She's nearly got you beat, Johnny."

"Wow, OK," Soap says rather proudly. "She's passed then technically, no?"

"That's right," says Ghost. "She's runnin' this by her own request. Says she can beat one of our scores."

"And she might beat mine?" Soap whines, though Ghost can't tell if it's out of competition or genuine adoration. Though the man's next comment would leave little to the imagination. "Woof. What a woman."

"She's got it down, mostly." Ghost continues to monitor the cams, seeing you reach the final two rooms of the corridor. "Apart from this one bit ‘ere..."

Ghost watches you enter the room, your rifle raised and ready to fire. The targets spring up as displayed: two hostiles and a civilian woman. The hostile cutouts appear as cliche as possible, dressed in dark tactical gear and expressing themselves rather angrily. The woman was rather comical as well, drawn out to look as though she were screaming and crying.

You reach this room and it takes you a good three seconds to fire, and soon after your performance from this room to the next slows down drastically. Just as it has done the last four times.

Ghost presses down on the intercoms again. "Pick it up, Canary," he barks out. "You tellin' me you got in with that aim?"

"A bit harsh, eh L.T.?" Soap comments.

"Some tough love never hurts," Ghost retorts.

You barge back through the course exit once more, reapproaching the lieutenant as you eagerly await your score.

Ghost reviews everything, and looks back at you plainly. "Sharpshooter."

"Fuck!" You throw your head back in defeat, groaning to yourself loudly.

"Fuckin' hell, Canary," Ghost crosses his large arms over his chest, cocking his head at you rather disappointedly. "We haven't got all day. Maybe it's time to call it quits-"

"No," you immediately protest. "I can do this, I know I can..."

Despite the vigor in your voice, your eyes betray you when they fall from the lieutenant's. You didn't want the doubt to start settling in, but it had been a tough battle for it not to. Both Soap and Ghost scored Expert with ease, and here you are now struggling to even make it that far. Even if you get it now, what good would it do?

Having sensed the sudden change in your demeanor, Ghost sighs to himself suddenly, relaxing his posture. "Don't doubt yourself then," he starts. "You've got the right idea; you can do this. I'll be here 'til you do, lieutenant."

Don't doubt yourself. You can do this. I'll be here 'til you do… You want to believe Ghost when he says that. Don't doubt yourself. You're here now, aren't you?

Ghost can see in your eyes that he's said just what you needed to hear, and a small smile forms. You can't see it, but the softness of his gaze made you like to believe it so.

You give the lieutenant an affirming nod, before rushing back over to your starting position, waiting for him to buzz you in for a sixth time.  You should have stopped being embarrassed about it three tries ago honestly.

Ghost calls to you suddenly. "Canary."

You look back at him.

"Remember," he said. "Don't hesitate. You can do this."

"You've got this, Canary!" Soap cheers you on from the sidelines. You wondered if they both could hear your heart skip a beat. You give them a final nod, before turning back to the obstacle, and seeing the lieutenant buzz you in.

Ghost watches you from the monitors, seeing you move unlike any way you have before. You sweep each room with ease, being stopped by nothing and quickly making your way to the next like a shadow in the night. Your performance is so beautiful, neither men can even bring themselves to make a comment on it. They were too busy watching.

"There she goes," Ghost says under his breath, not even aware that he had begun to. Though you can't see Ghost, you can feel him cheering you on from the other side of the wall.

You reach that final room that's been tripping you up this whole time, watching as the cutouts pop up. You remember not to hesitate, and really allow your mind to let go of itself and your finger to move over the trigger naturally. You pull the trigger and drop your targets, and move out in a flash, finishing the last room with ease and making a dash to the course exit.

You barge through the doors for your sixth and hopefully final time, eagerly waiting for Ghost to give you your score, turning the safety to your rifle and placing it on the rack with the rest of them. This had to be it. You could feel it.

Ghost goes over the score, and even he can't hide how impressed he is. You just scored higher than he did.

"Expert."

You let out the girliest squeal imaginable, and it damn near startles both men, as your arms shoot above your head with excitement. You did it. You did it! Not only did you do it, but you beat both Soap and Ghost's scores on top of it. Even though it took you damn near half the day, you didn't care, because you did it.

And then you do something you probably shouldn't have.

Being a habitual hugger in most instances that called for it, your first instinct was to hug someone. Soap wasn't immediately by you, however, Ghost was. And you weren't really thinking when you leaped over to him joyously, your small arms barely managing to wrap around his large frame, as you pulled him in for a hug.

Immediately you feel the lieutenant's body tense up, the man feeling like a statue to hold as a small gasp escapes his lips. Suddenly the man forgot everything he was previously thinking. 

It's a good thing he could keep himself together, however, because had you truly surprised him, he may have accidentally pushed you away from him. Or worse. If only out of instinct. And if you knew the kind of morning he'd had, you might have thought twice about coming in so casually.

Still, your arms felt as good to be wrapped in as they had that night nearly a month ago. You squeeze him as tightly as you can, your face buried in his chest and your smile lying against him. Warm and true. Just like he remembered it.

Just as he's thought of wrapping his arms around you and finally returning the hug, you let go of him, noticing how stiff he is no doubt. His cold and guarded behavior doesn't dampen your mood, as you look up at him and smile. He gets lost in the way your eyes glisten with joy, not wanting to break from its hold just yet.

But alas, Soap has come in before Ghost can say anything further. You see the Sergeant approach you with a huge smile on his face, his arms already out for you to jump into. Which you happily obliged. 

You practically bolt to him, feeling him completely envelop you, as you nuzzle your head into his chest, smiling into him, squealing. Soap reciprocates your hug tenfold, embracing you so tightly it nearly takes the air from your lungs. But there was no better sensation than the feeling he gave while having you in his arms. He could take the oxygen from your lips as he wishes.

"I knew you could do it!" Soap boasted, his voice vibrating inside your chest. Had Ghost not begun to speak, you would have nearly forgotten he was there. Only momentarily.

"Alright," he says rather gruffly. "That'll do, you two."

You and Soap pull yourselves away from each other, awkwardly straightening yourselves up before looking back over at Ghost. He seems more interested in looking at you than Soap, however. His eyes peered into you like daggers suddenly, and it nearly sucked the excitement straight from you.

Have you overstepped?

"I say we celebrate with some drinks, aye?" Soap says suddenly, doing his best to alleviate the sudden tension that had grown between you and Ghost, as even he noticed it now. It nearly works.

"I need at least 48 hours between my nights out I'm afraid," you laugh. 

Soap shrugs. "Eh, suit yourselves then. I'll see if the others want to."

"No rest for the wicked, right Johnny?" Ghost quips.

"Right you are, L.T." Soap clicks his tongue.

The two of you watch as Soap exits the building, leaving you two alone. Suddenly the room felt empty of all its oxygen and incredibly small.

Ghost looked down at you like he had something to say but wouldn't. It's how he's been looking at you all day. You tried your best to not let it get to you, but you couldn't help but worry that last night may have rubbed him the wrong way.

Quickly, you think back on what it was that you may have done to suddenly to provoke him.

"Hey," you turn to Ghost, meeting his eyes bravely, though you admit his gaze felt more chilling than usual. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable just now. I didn't mean-"

"Just keep things professional, alright?" Ghost scolds. "You’d do good rememberin' that, lieutenant."

Right, you understand where the man's coming from. You're here to do a job, not mess around with them. Though they do make that a challenge not to do.

"Right," you nod, looking down at your feet rather defeatedly. "I'm sorry."

You weren't used to feeling this presence from Ghost. Like the sight of you suddenly brought him some sort of displeasure. You've heard stories of that famous, disinterested gaze of his, and how being next to him could make you feel puny in more ways than one. Maybe your were just hoping you'd been a special case with him. What were you thinking anyway?

But then Ghost goes and does something that makes you think maybe you aren't stupid for thinking you're something special. You hear Ghost sigh, and to your sudden surprise, you feel his hand rest firmly on the top of your head, as he began to pat you like a dog.

"Good job today, Canary."

When your eyes meet his again, you smile. And oh, how quickly are you reminded of what it was that kept you so interested in wanting to get close to the lieutenant. These small, little moments he scarcely let out.

You remember how encapsulating his eyes were, holding many years of experiences and stories that only he could tell. Every time you caught them, you couldn't help but wonder what could be going on behind that mask of his. What could be on the mind of a man like him?

Would you ever know?

"I had a good coach," you smile.

"Don't take 'em for granted," Ghost says dryly.

"I won't," you smile. "Thank you. Really. You were just the motivation I needed, it seems. Thank you."

Ghost leaving you with his approval was enough to drown out any other negative feelings you felt a moment ago. At least for now, which was enough.

Despite the mask, from how his jaw shifted momentarily, you could tell he was about to say something to you. Though he decides not to. You'll spend all night wondering what it was he wanted to say, instead of what he opted for instead.

"Don't mention it."

…

Inevitably, the day comes to yet another end. 

After leaving the course, Ghost made sure not to be anywhere near you, needing the chance to recuperate with himself badly. He was beginning to learn how incredibly difficult it would be to block you out of his mind. 

If you weren't such a treat to talk to at times, he's sure he would have no troubles whatsoever with keeping you at distance. But it seems if you're given even the smallest chance to talk to him, the man couldn't help but cave in and be nice back to you.

So he would need to go to plan B now if he wished to squash this little crush and get back to working with you professionally -- avoiding you.

At the very least, Ghost knew he could escape you once the night came, and there was no better distraction than the man's own hobbies. 

Ghost waited until it was well past a reasonable hour to be out, before changing into some gym attire (mask included) and heading out for his nightly jog. The one thing he'd actually had left to look forward to today.

Ghost arrived at an open track just 3 miles or so from the barracks, the field shrouded behind trees and shrubbery, as the clouds began to break and divide amongst a cool, night sky. No one else seemed to be around, a part from the occasional vehicle driving by. It almost excited the man to finally have a place to run that was all to himself.

Most people would be in bed at this hour, however, Ghost liked to use these hours to run errands and work out, seeing as it was the best way to avoid the crowd. He'd scouted out the area around the base the moment he got the name of where he was moving to. 

So you can imagine Ghost's shock and utter dismay when he arrived at the track field and saw that not only was he not alone, but you had been there as well.

Wonderful.

Ghost looks up to the sky for a moment, like a camera was looking down at him, with some distant audience laughing at him. Certainly, the universe was having a go at him. He was prepared to turn back around for the night, or even find another place to do his run. However, you see him in the distance before he can escape.

"Ghost?" 

You call to him, jogging over to where the man stands a little ways off from the track. You were changed into some tracksuit which fit you like a model on the cover of a magazine. Ghost looks you up and down, and then quickly hopes you hadn't just noticed that. 

From the sweat that painted your brow, you'd already been out here for a while. Out of breath, you begin to tease the lieutenant. "Can't stay away, huh? You followin' me now?"

"Not in the slightest," Ghost responds. "I wasn't expecting any company."

"Oh, well... surprise," you grin at him.  "I’ve only got three more laps if you want to be alone.”

Ghost could work with that.

“I’ll work around you," he said. "Don’t worry about it.”

...

You swear you were going to leave Ghost alone on the track.

You were coming up on your last lap now; Ghost had gone ahead and started his way around, sporting his usual hoodie and sweatpants get-up. It made him look like a hulking, shadowy mass on the track, calmly jogging his way along by. Paying no mind to you.

When he'd run by you, he'd make no acknowledgement of your presence, his mind fully focused on jogging. After he'd passed you a third time when you'd not even finished your second lap around, your impulses got the better of you.

Playfully, you wait for Ghost to run by you again before picking up your own speed. Though it's dark, and Ghost, as usual, is wearing a mask, the look on his eyes when he glanced over and saw you jogging side-by-side with him couldn't be more bemusing. 

Ghost doesn't say anything though, merely rolling his eyes as he turns his focus back to the track ahead of him. And then, the bastard actually started to run a little faster. Just fast enough to not be next to you anymore.

Asshole. You pout to yourself, before it's turned to a cheeky smirk. You wouldn't be done just yet.

You pick up your speed now, matching with the lieutenant's again until you're running alongside him once more. When the lieutenant looks over at you again, you smile sarcastically and wave at him.

Ghost runs ahead of you again. But he wouldn't get away from you that easily.

You catch up to Ghost again. And he runs away again. You keep picking up the speed, and every time you've matched it Ghost goes faster. Pretty soon, you both are practically bolting down the track after each other.

You start laughing to yourself, Ghost's stubbornness to let you jog beside him growing borderline comedic to you at this point. Of course you felt equally childish chasing after him, but it also made you feel kind of happy too. It was childish and it was sweet, and you were just having fun.

"Give it up already!" Ghost huffs out suddenly. His tone would lead you to believe he's annoyed, but it's so out of breath you find it goofy.

You laugh out loud. "You first!"

You're just about to be at Ghost's side again, when the universe suddenly feels the need to make you eat your own words. Your foot catches onto the ground wrong, as the tip of your toe trips you, causing you to topple over at top speed. 

You yelp.

The suddenness of it causes Ghost to turn and look your way, as he sees you about to fall. Instinctively, he turns, ready to catch you, just as you subconsciously reach out to grab hold of him. As a result, you both go crashing onto the ground.

Ghost falls onto his back, his head bouncing off the ground with a heavy thud. Meanwhile, you fall on top of the man, who right now feels more akin to a pile of bricks than anything remotely comfortable. As you crash onto him, you feel your weight shoot all the air out of his lungs, as you both fall down with a heavy oof.

"Fuckin' hell, that hurt!" Ghost groans, shooting a hand to the back of his throbbing head. 

You adjust yourself on top of him, trying to catch your own breath. "Are you OK?"

"It's nothin'," Ghost says.

"I'm sorry…"

Ghost pauses, lifting his head up slightly so that his eyes could meet yours. You watch the way his mud-color eyes twinkle in the night, observing how the dark of his irises took in every bit of you. It was hard to look away from.

"Like I said, it's nothin', Luv." 

Ghost rests his head back on the ground with a sigh, staring up at the starry sky above instead. The whole time you remain in place on top of him, feeling the rising and falling of his chest beneath you, as it carried your tiny frame with it. 

Had his hands not still been firmly clasped over your arms, you would have removed yourself from being on top of him. You're not even sure he's noticed himself still holding you.

"You're a stubborn bloody woman,” he comments suddenly.

"I almost had you, though," you tease.

"No."

"You're a lot slower than I remember, Ghost."

"You're a lot clumsier than I remember, Canary."

"Good thing I have you here to catch me then,” you giggle. “Helps you stay on your feet, lieutenant."

"They didn't mention that bein’ part of the job."

"It's under the same section that says not to hesitate."

"I'm surprised you read it then," Ghost teases.

"Oh fuck you."

You laugh and jokingly nudge at him, but almost pause when you feel something suddenly. For the first time since you've known the man, you feel his chest bubble in a light chuckle. He actually chuckled. Of course it's barely audible, and only last for about a second. But he did. And suddenly your heart was racing.

"Does this make me a winner then?" he sarcastically asks.

"For now anyway."

You laugh at his joke, subconsciously resting your head back down on his chest as you did.  In the meantime, Ghost was doing everything in his power right now not to focus on the fact that your body was shifting and moving and vibrating on top of him, your whole being so close to him that he felt he could go to sleep right here.

Though Ghost doesn't speak, you can feel his heartbeat begin to pick up in his chest as well. It makes you pause, you can't lie.

You notice his eyes have been locked on yours for a rather long time now since you’ve looked back at him. Well over a minute. His gaze is softer than anything you’ve seen before, and he’s lost in you from the looks of things. Lost in your eyes, lost by your touch, not even fully aware of just how long you’ve been on top of him, your heart thumping with his.

His hand gently trails up your arm, and it freezes you in place, your breath catching in your lungs. Wondering if you should stand or speak before something happened. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious as to what it was Ghost might be planning. Surely he wouldn’t do anything drastic, would he? No, not Ghost. Not the man who prided himself off on his discipline and formality.

Suddenly you’re noticing just how close you are to him too; you’re on top of the man for crying out loud. A position you never thought in a million years you’d be in, let alone today. And his eyes looked so much prettier up close, when they weren’t glinted with their usual tired disdain. No, the look he gave you was now something more… delicate. As delicate as his hands were against you.

Ghost’s voice is so faint you almost miss him speak to you. “Y/N…” 

You didn’t think he’d do anything, however, his hand keeps sliding up your arm, and it's making goosebumps dance down your skin like a ballroom dance. His fingers trace up to your neck, as cold as they were gentle, and you feel as though you’re seconds away from fainting. What is he doing? What in the world is going on right now?

"Ghost..?”

It’s as though the sound of your voice brought him back to the reality of what he was doing, because the second you speak, his hand pauses. His eyes grow wide, before a fire starts to burn behind them, and he takes his hand away from you, shifting himself up instead.

You take the hint, finally climbing off of him as you both fixed yourself, an awkward silence having now fallen in the air. You weren’t sure if you should comment on it. If that was an accident then… that’s what it was, right? Still, accident or not, your heartrate had doubled since that moment, and it hasn’t ceased to stop yet.

You look over at Ghost, wondering what the man might be thinking right now. His hood has fallen off, giving you a better view of his masked-covered head. He stands there, looking off into the field bashfully. Perhaps waiting for you to speak as well. His sudden shyness is not lost upon you.

Habitually, you say to him, “I’m sorry.”

Ghost shakes his head, roughly slipping his hands into his pockets as he shuffled around a bit in his stance. “Don’t be...” he says. “You know, you say that a lot.”

“I can’t help it,” you admit.

“Why?”

You’re unsure where it comes from, but you start to speak more from your heart than from anywhere tactical. “...I just really want you to like me.”

“I fail to see how that matters,” Ghost argues.

“Can’t we be friends?”

“Wha’, like you and Johnny?”

That one catches you off guard.

Of course, he suspected something. That only explains why he had been acting so awkward and cold with you all day. More than he normally was that is. Still, knowing that he knew you and Soap had something going on didn't make that news any better to hear.

“It can be anything you want it to be,” you tell him. “There’s nothing wrong with having people in your life, Ghost.”

He almost looked irritated with your answer. But you knew where that kind of irritation stemmed from. He was as mad at himself as he wanted to be at you. Mad enough to leave in fact, as right after, the man’s turned heel and started walking away from you.

Ghost wouldn't let you in close. He wouldn't allow it. Not you, not Soap, not anyone. He saw it as doing you all a favor, really. Neither of you wouldn't want anything to do with a man like him if you knew any better. Bad things always seem to come his way, one way or another. It's best not to mix others up in that.

You watch him go, ready to let him leave. But not really wanting him to go so soon.

"Where are you going?" you ask him.

"Away,” he says. 

Away. You were beginning to see a pattern.

"You don’t have to,” you call out suddenly.

Ghost stops in his tracks, his back still facing you, and his head cocked back to look up at the night sky. You continue speaking, determined to get to the bottom of this. You might as well, before you’re out in the field and it gets in the way of things.

“I know you don’t trust me, and I don’t blame you” you say. “I also know we haven’t known each other for very long either but… I would never hurt you, Ghost. I hope you know that.”

Ghost looks to you with a doubtful gaze. "Even if it weren't your choice to make?"

You nod. "Even so."

Ghost shakes his head disappointedly, chuckling to himself even. It finally manages to urk you. “Ghost-”

“Look,” he cuts in. “Just stay away from me, alright? I can't make that same promise to you."

"Why can't you?" you press.

"Canary, I'm telling you to leave me the fuck alone if you know what's good for you,” Ghost growls out.

You don’t listen, even going as far as to take a few steps closer to him. You pause when you see him take a step back however, not wanting to further overstep his boundaries.

"If that choice was out of your hands as well,” you ask again. “Would you hurt me?"

"I' don’t want to find out…” Ghost admits.

You stand a few feet from the lieutenant, taking his words in and letting them marinate in your mind. While even now Ghost remained as guarded and closed off as he could be, what he said to you was probably the most honest thing he’s ever said to you -- That he isn’t sure what he’d do if he was forced to hurt you. If you ever gave him a reason to.

In due time, you feared that question would really be answered. You didn’t look forward to that day, should it come.

"Let's hope we don't then, lieutenant,” you say.

Ghost nods. “I will.”

Ghost turns to leave again, and this time you don’t stop him. You remain where you are, reminding yourself to not forget what brought you here.

You hadn’t wanted Ghost’s words to make you sad after hearing them, but they did. His words made you sad, because with it came fear. If Ghost or Soap were to ever hear of Shadow Company’s criminal operations with the General, it would surely be the end to any feelings you've built up over the past month. They'd probably never want you around again. And that’s if you even survived the encounter.

You're not so sure what point it was that you stopped pretending. That you kept talking and wanting to be around 141, not because it was your mission to stay close, but because you wanted to. You wanted their approval. And it upset you, just as much as it kept you going all these weeks.

But how much have you let the lines blur between yourself and work lately? Where was it that your lies ended and your true self began? It was pivotal that 141 liked you, but that hadn't been the only reason why you'd gotten so drawn in by them.

You hadn’t realized how deep into things you’d been until now, because at this point, them finding out the truth would be more than a problem. It would be a complete betrayal of their trust.

No, if you wanted to make it out of here with your life and relationships in tact, the Task Force couldn’t find out about Al Mazrah.

You couldn’t allow it.

...Chapter Twenty Here!

[origamiopossums]

Master List Of My Prison Break Fics

Decided to make a list of my PB fics, since the number continues to grow! All are on AO3 and tagged pretty dang thoroughly.

Oneshots:

★ At The Heart of Cell 40 - Sucre/Michael, a fluffy getting together story based in canon. Rated T.

★And I Inherited My Health - A character study of Theodore Bagwell, dwelling on his past while he terrorizes Seth. Based in canon. Rated M.

★ It Just Screams Out Loud - T-Bag/Male OC. Based in my longfic Broken Machines. Exhibitionism, unhealthy devotion, and just all around very toxic stuff going on here. Rated E.

★ Push If You Still Need My Pain - T-Bag/Male OC. Also based in my longfic Broken Machines. Devotion, getting together, edging, unhealthy angst and romance. Rated E.

★ I Think You'd Like It If I Died - T-Bag/Lincoln. Season 5 canon based. Angst. Hate sex. Rated E.

★ Trying To Find A Place Where I Belong - T-Bag/Lincoln. Fluff and getting together. A partner piece to I Think You'd Like It If I Died . Much sweeter and nicer than that fic. Rated T.

Longfics:

★ Broken Machines - WIP. T-Bag/Lincoln/Male OC. Michael/Sara/Mahone. Lots of love for poly ships here. Canon divergence fic that started when I was a teenager wondering how the story would have changed if T had actually had someone who gave a shit about him growing up. Very dark, so mind the tags. Goes through the entire series with changes made due to new characters and dynamics. Really focused on digging into Linc and T as characters. Rated E.

★ Nuclear Blue Coffee Company - WIP. T-Bag/Lincoln/Male OC. Some Michael/Sara focus. Coffee Shop AU gone wrong. Really more of a hitman/assassin AU. Violence abound. Rated E.

★ Chasing Origami Swans - WIP. T-Bag/Lincoln/Male OC. Michael/Sara. An AU where Michael and Lincoln grow up to work for The Company instead of against it. T-Bag becomes a senator. Sara is caught in the middle of everything due to her father. Rated E.

[mdhwrites]

Ok i was thinking more about the ending of TOH... i suddenly noticed the whole 'human and witch colab society' thing, and its... its so bad? where did this even come from?

did the writers really just dump a 'oh by the way the witches are going to try make friendly contact with the humans, you know, even though witches have voiced digust or superiority to humans, or even though humans are incredibly vicious to anything different and would 100% wage war in a millisecond??'

Like that is such a HUGE FUCKING plot point to just TACK ON at the last 5 minutes with zero reference to this outside of a one off line from gus in the palismen ep???? why is this show that i love written so randomly?!

*goes to get some rope to pull you back with* I... don't get the outrage with this one. It's a harmless element in the finale that implies things are going to get better. It's a throwaway line or background element or whatever it is and it's something that a lot of finales for shows like these are theoretically going to do. It's harmless fun that plays into the fantasy that everything will be okay for the characters. ... Okay but I do actually have a complaint of my own. Not really with the concept of human/witch relations. I don't care whatsoever with that. Again, it's purely throwaway. If it was anything else, Gus might have been a real character or been given some real respect in the finale by going to human world to study. It's more that... Why bother? When is the next time Luz is going to go back to the Human Realm to do anything besides say hi to her mom? Like outside of witches fucking humans and getting to pretend that your own witch will step through the portal and date you, what is the point of even gesturing towards this bit of fluff? Usually it's to imply that peace is achievable or that the fantastical and reality are coming together. Who cares with TOH though? The Isles is barely different from our world besides their denizens having magic. Luz's story is absolutely not about peace BETWEEN worlds. It's just about being happy in her fantasy. When is she even going to bother going home after all? At best, she'll do it to see her mom but that's pretty much it. She has no reason to go home. No reason to find harmony or peace. It's kind of a running issue for me with the finale that I'm not really sure why they bothered with the portal door. Outside of allowing for a SPECK of an ability to say this isn't pure wish fulfillment (which frankly I'd argue the twin worlds life still is maximum thrust on that) and not leaving Vee homeless... What's the point? Do any of the witches have an interest in the human realm? Outside of the dude who has a human fetish, no. Does Luz have any interest in it? No. Will King be going to the human realm? No. So who is spearheading this program? People who see Amity and go "I want to be that! Married to a human!" The human world matters so little, and contrasting against it has meant so little to the show, that I just don't get why they even bothered including classic nods of fluff. If you're going to be dumb fun, be dumb fun. Be over the top and silly, especially if you're going to curb stomp your themes besides "You're special" for your finale anyways? But... TOH wants to be smart. It has no idea how to be smart but it wants to be so it's not going to have the fun it should. So honestly, why not get mad at the fluff? The show wants to claim better than that anyways so its audience is trained to ask these sorts of questions. This ask is literal proof that TOH shoots itself in the foot by trying to claim to be better than other things because it means it can't just have some fluff, even when it's warranted. Not when it would mock other shows for the exact same elements. ========

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead, If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

And finally a Twitter you can follow too!

[substituted-shinigami]

Prompt from @recurring-polynya

Working Title: Takiyaki Is NOT Communication

Characters: Rukia, Orihime, Renji (RenRuki)

Rating: G

Genre: Humor/Romance/Fluff

Prompt: Rukia presents Renji with some food she has made. I tried to keep it very open bc I'm more interested in where you might go with it!

Story Summary: When Rukia recognizes her feelings for Renji, she works with Orihime to figure out how best to tell him. Their plan is tasty, if not a little dangerous. Post TYBW, some spoilers.

Author’s note: I had a lot of fun writing this prompt, but man was it a roller coaster ride! At first, I was writing a completely different fic, a Prestigious Private School AU Part 2, where we meet Renji’s study group and Rukia bakes a cake. Buuuut, that one was getting way too long in the tooth, and was riddled with problems that I’ve just begun to solve. Then I remembered I had a fic I wrote a beginning for, but no middle or ending because I just couldn’t figure it out. And I realized that this would be perfect for it! So sorry if that’s a cop out, I didn’t realize the other fic wasn’t going to work within the timeline until friday, so I needed to find a shorter solution. It still took awhile to make the two ideas work together and actually write the middle and ending if that counts! Also, you get a free Orihime out of the deal, so that’s nice! This is my first time writing for her so let me know what you think! Also, I all admit this one is a little crackish, especially for Rukia.

Takiyaki Is NOT Communication

Inoue Orihime was very much enjoying sleeping in on her day off from the bakery, when she heard a knock at the door. Who could be here this early in the morning on a Sunday? She wondered, as she tried to rub the sleepiness out of her eyes. She had just begun to yawn rather loudly and stretch out her limbs when she heard yet another more vigorous knock.

“Coming!” She yelled, throwing on a sweater over her pajamas. She went over and looked through the peep-hole on her door.

"Rukia!” She exclaimed, throwing the door open wide, “I didn't know you were in town. Come in, come in! What brings you here?" Kuchiki Rukia stood in the doorway looking more serious than Orihime had ever seen her.

"Orihime….” she said with great gravity, “There is something serious I must tell you. Something so serious that I couldn’t tell you over the phone."

Orihime gasped, “Oh Rukia, are you in danger? Do you need me to call Ichigo?” Orihime immediately reached for the phone in her pocket.

"No!” Rukia said quickly, frantically waving her hands in front of her, “No danger. No physical danger anyway… And I’m afraid this is not something he can handle,” she crossed her arms again, “Plus he'd probably just make fun of me, anyway…"

Orihime looked at her friend kindly, "I'm sure that's not true,” then she tapped her chin in thought, “Well, okay, it's probably a little true, depending on what the problem is… But he would still help you out afterwards!"

"I'm afraid it's beyond his skills. You see, Orihime, I...” Rukia paused for dramatic effect, “...have a dark secret…"

"Oh my… Um… Do you want to sit down?" Orihime asked, waving her hand towards the couch.

"Perhaps that would be best," Rukia nodded seriously, entering the apartment. Rukia sat down heavily on the couch. Orihime shut the door, and sat down gently next to her. She patiently waited while Rukia worked up her courage. Finally, Rukia spoke.

"Orihime… I think… I might be in love with Renji."

Orihime continued to sit with anticipation. When Rukia said no more, Orihime realized that she was finished.

"Oh? I mean, oh! Really?! W-what a surprise! I never would have guessed!"

Rukia turned towards her friend and began speaking rapidly, “I know, right? I mean, I know the guy's hot, I do have eyes, and it’s pointless to pretend otherwise,” she stated matter of factly, “And okay, maybe I had a crush on him before, and maybe MAYBE I dreamed about him occasionally even during the separation… But!” she crossed her arms now, “It was a pointless and silly little crush! I told myself as much, so I did my best to forget about him,” Rukia looked down, her brows knitted together, “But ever since we got back together again, the feelings came back little by little. So even when I tried to push them down, tell myself it’s pointless to get wrapped up in a silly crush again, he would do something or say something that was just so him, that I would find myself falling all over again. And finally all those moments kept piling up, so that my feelings kept getting stronger and stronger until… Uuuuugh…" Rukia covered her face with her hands, "This is so stupid…"

"No, no, Rukia! It’s not stupid!” Orihime said, waving her hands quickly. She began to rub her friend on the back soothingly, “I think it's great that you are able to admit your feelings to yourself. I think it is very mature of you."

Rukia looked up at her friend between her fingers, "Really?"

"Yes, really. It can be…hard to face your true feelings, and I think you are very brave to do it. And… I'm glad you told me."

"Oh…Oh Orihime…” Rukia said, putting her hands down again, “Thank you, Orihime, but…"

“Anyway, now that you know, what would you like to do about it?” Orihime quickly asked, pushing the conversation along. Rukia gave her friend an unconvinced look, and Orihime returned it with a pleading one. Rukia sighed. She’d let it go for now.

“That is the question…” she said slowly, “I’m not entirely sure. S-should I tell him?”

"Well,” Orihime began, “that's completely up to you. Do you want to tell him?"

"Normally, no, that's why I didn't tell him before,” Rukia said quietly, “I… I like what we have, and I don't want to mess it up by getting greedy… but… and I know this sounds absolutely crazy…"

"Yes?" Orihime asked patiently.

"I think he might like me too," Rukia finally said.

Orihime was more ready with her exaggerated reaction this time. "Ooooh! You think? Wow! Amazing!"

"Right?!" Rukia exclaimed, she began talking rapidly again, "I know it's a long shot, especially with all those girls over at the Sixth Division fawning over him everytime he so much as walks by in that flower bath robe of his…but…" Rukia got a little quiet, "he's been acting differently lately. He gives me compliments now. Not just when I wear something extra special for a festival, but even when I so much as wear a new hair clip, he notices. In the past, I would sometimes see him staring at me out of the corner of his eye for no reason at all. I would look up at him, and he used to immediately look away…but now he just doesn't?! I look up at him, and now he just stares me straight in the eye, smiles a little, and then slowly turns away. We would always meet up at events, but now he offers to walk me there and back. It's almost like…it feels like he's trying to tell me he likes me, without telling me."

"Oh…" Orihime said slowly and thoughtfully, "why do you think that is?"

"I don't know! Maybe he’s not sure I like him back. Or maybe he still feels like he needs to impress my brother. But maybe…” Rukia sighed, “maybe it's because I've been so busy and in a bit of a slump since Captain Ukitake died, and he doesn't want to push me into a relationship before I'm ready.”

Orihime thought about this. While it was pretty clear to her, and the rest of their friend group that Renji liked Rukia, she did have to admit that it had taken them awhile to figure out that Rukia liked him back, so that was a possibility. Rukia showed her affection in less than ordinary ways, ways that usually involved shouting. However, Renji knew Rukia a lot longer than any of them, so it’s unlikely that her unorthodox way of showing affection would faze him.

Orihime thought some more. It could be the brother thing… Orihime didn’t get it fully herself, but she had heard about it a bit from Rukia. Apparently Soul Society had this whole class system thing that didn’t allow Renji to even talk to Rukia until he was made Vice Captain. Still… from what she saw, Renji got along quite well with his captain/Rukia’s brother, so she doubted that this would be a problem anymore…

The last one was….hard. Rukia had been very busy since her Captain’s death. Her texts had become pretty sparse, so much so that Orihime and Ichigo barely heard from her anymore. The slump thing could easily be connected. Rukia often became a work-a-holic when she was trying to avoid things like thinking about her feelings. But if Rukia was here, presently with her, and asking Orihime’s advice on her feelings about Renji, then that means she isn’t avoiding them anymore. She’s ready to move forward.

“All of those are possible of course,” Orihime began, “But if you’re ready to talk about it, then perhaps that means you are ready to tell him.”

Rukia thought about this, “Yes. Yes, I think so too. Thank you, Orihime.”

“Of course! So how do you want to go about telling him?”

“Yeah, that’s the other problem… I’m not sure I’m ready to say all my feelings for him out loud yet. I think I would just jumble them up.”

“Okay, that’s no problem! You could just write them down!”

“Y-yeah! I could do that!” Rukia agreed. Then she deflated again, “But I don’t just want to hand him a note though, that’s pretty embarrassing too…”

“Maybe you could put it with something else? Like sort of a gift and card combo?”

“Oh yeah! That could work! In fact…” Rukia began, getting a scheming look on her face, “Maybe I could cook him something and then stick the message inside of it! Like a hidden message!”

“Wow!” Orihime exclaimed, “That’s a great idea, Rukia!”

“Yeah!!! Oh, but…his favorite food is takiyaki… Can you stick a message in that?”

“Hmmm, maybe but…takiyaki has a filling for a center,” Orihime reasoned, tapping her chin, “Your message might get lost in that.”

“Oh…yeah…I guess that’s true.”

“Although….” Orihime began, thinking hard.

“Yeah?”

“What you could do is make a bunch of mini takiyaki, fill all but one, put the message in that one, and then stick that one on top. Then when he opens it up, he gets the message!”

“Oh!” Rukia exclaimed, smiling. She hopped up off the couch, “Oh that could work! Thank you, Orihime! I’ll try that!”

Orihime smiled happily along with her friend, “Glad to help, Rukia!” She got off the couch too. “I actually got some supplies to make takiyaki if you want any help.”

“Yes please! This is going to be great!” Rukia said, with newfound determination as they headed towards Orihime’s kitchen, “Renji better look out, because these are going to be the best takiyaki he’s ever seen! He may or may not love me, but he WILL love our takiyaki!” Orihime laughed.

“Yeah!” She agreed.

__________________________________

"I present to you,” Rukia began dramatically to Renji, whom she met up with later that day. They were in the Sixth Division mess hall which was nearly always empty in the mid afternoons, “homemade takiyaki, made by yours truly!"

Renji raised an eyebrow at her. While he had tasted Rukia’s cooking since the separation, and it wasn’t bad, it was also clear she did it extremely rarely.

"With help from the wonderful Orihime!" Rukia finished with a dramatic flourish.

"There it is," Renji said, "Well that does boost my confidence in the quality, if not the flavor."

"H-hey! I could give it to someone else you know!" Rukia said, reaching to remove the plate, but Renji grabbed ahold of it, and held it securely closer to him.

"Uh uh! Nope! You said they’re mine, so they're mine!" Renji picked up the top takiyaki and examined it carefully, “Hmmmm…. Crispy on the outside, and soft in the center, good good…”

“But of course!” Rukia said triumphantly.

Renji gave the takiyaki an experimental sniff, “Nice aroma as well…”

“The nicest, I’d say!”

“Hmmm,” He said thinking, “but…”

“W-what is it?” Rukia asked with a sudden sense of dread.

“You went kind of light on the filling, especially on this one,” Renji said, giving the takiyaki a light squeeze, “Did you forget to fill it, maybe?”

“J-Just try it already!” Rukia said with nervous frustration.

“Okay, okay!” Renji chuckled. He took the mini takiyaki in both hands, and shoved the entire thing into his mouth. He then immediately choked.

__________________________________

“It was very nice of you to leave a note for your friend, Rukia, but this is why it’s important we tell people before we put non-edible items in food,” Captain Isane said.

“How was I supposed to know he was going to stuff the entire thing into his mouth?!” Rukia exclaimed, while rubbing Renji’s back. They were sitting in the Fourth Division Emergency Room since Rukia had used shunpo to get them both there after Renji had started choking.

“Why wouldn’t I? How was I supposed to know you had stuffed a wad of paper in there? What’s it say anyway?” Renji asked, reaching for where it had fallen on the floor after it had been successfully hacked up.

“W-wait! Don’t touch that!” Rukia said, snatching it up.

“What? Why not?!”

“B-because! It’s dirty!

“Then why did you grab it?”

“I…I….” Rukia suddenly looked very uncomfortable. She stared at the note, crumpled and wet, in her hands. She went very quiet. Isane took the hint and decided it was high time she excused herself.

“Well, I have other patients I need to check on, so I’ll be going now. As long as you're feeling better, you’re free to go, Vice Captain Abarai. I’ll send in someone to give you your emergency room dispatch papers.” And with that, she was gone. Renji stared at Rukia. Rukia continued to stare at the wad of wet paper in her hands, looking a little defeated. Renji sighed.

“I guess it was probably pretty important, huh? What you wrote on that note?”

“Yeah…”

“Something that's kind of hard to say out loud?”

“Something like that…”

“Ah…” Renji said, looking up at the ceiling, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked back at her again, “Sorry, I ate your note, Rukia.”

“It’s okay…it…was a stupid idea anyway.”

“Yeah, maybe not your smartest plan," he chuckled, "but it was definitely one of your tastiest! The takiyaki surrounding the note was really good, even without the filling!”

“Really? You liked it?”

“Oh yeah! For sure! Heck, if the rest of the division didn’t eat them while we were gone, I’d love to finish them!” Renji said.

“Oh yeah? Yeah, hopefully they didn’t…” She finished quietly. Rukia continued to stare at the note in her hands. It was utterly ruined. Renji sighed and walked over to her, He cupped his hands around hers.

“Hey…” He began gently, soothingly. Rukia finally looked at him, “It’s okay, y’know? You can try again,” he said, his thumbs gently caressing her hands, “I’ll still be here. I’ll always be here, whenever you're ready. So don’t worry about it, alright? We can try again.”

Rukia stared into Renji’s eyes, and he stared right back. They were soft and warm. Rukia felt her heart drive straight up into her throat, drop off its bags and settle down. Clearly it lived there now, hung up curtains and everything.

“Renji…I-"

"A-alright, Vice Captain Abarai, here are your dismissal forms," Hanataro said as he entered the room. He looked up, "O-oh Rukia! You’re here too! It's nice to see…" his eyes fell upon their joined hands, "Waaah! I'm sorry! I'm interrupting!" Renji sighed and let go of Rukia’s hands.

"Heh… Your timing is impeccable as always, Hanataro," Renji chuckled derisively, "here give me the paperwork to sign."

"Ah, okay, sorry!" Hanataro said. As Renji signed the paperwork, Rukia felt the tension building inside her. She took a couple of deep breaths, trying to steel herself for what she wanted to say. Finally, Renji finished signing his paperwork and handed it back to Hanataro who apologized profusely again. Rukia had enough of her mind left to remember to tell him not to worry about it, and that she will talk to him later. He thanked her and left. Then she and Renji were alone again and the tension jumped through the roof.

Finally Renji said, “Okay, well we better hurry if we want to be able to eat the takiyaki before someone else does.” He gathered up his paperwork and started heading towards the door. But Rukia stood firm.

“R-Renji!” Rukia said as firmly as she could. Renji stopped and turned towards her. She was standing very rigid, but was also slightly shaking with nervous energy.

“Yeah?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“I- What if- We should go eat! Together!”

“Yeah, we’re going to go eat the takiyaki…”

“No, I mean….” Rukia stopped and closed her eyes. She slowly breathed in and out, calming herself. She opened her eyes again and glared at Renji.

“Renji!” she nearly shouted at him.

“Y-yeah?” he asked nervously, taking a step back.

“Will you go out with me to a fancy restaurant in a romantic way?!” She demanded while pointing her finger at him. Her ears burned. Renji blinked.

“I-”

“If not, that is okay!” she continued just as firmly, “Our friendship is very important to me, and I hope we can remain that way!”

“Good, but-”

“If you need time, that is also okay!” Rukia said remaining firm, but she was starting to shake again, “Being friends with someone who you know has romantic feelings for you when you do not feel the same way back can be stressful! So if you need time away, I…I…underst-”

“Rukia!” Renji said, closing the distance between them and stilling her shaking shoulders with his larger hands, “Rukia…” He said again, more gently, one of his hands moving up her neck, his thumb gently caressing her cheek, “Of course I’ll go to the restaurant with you.”

“In…in a romantic way?” Rukia asked, uncertainly.

“Uh yeah, idiot,” he chuckled warmly, “What other way would I mean?”

“I mean…we’ve eaten out a lot before so I…just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. That this is romantic and that you are okay with that,” Rukia said firmly. Her face was going a little red too now.

“Of course, I’m okay with it! I’ve…always been okay with it. Are you okay with it?” he asked, looking at her with some concern, “You’ve been through a lot within these past couple of years, are…are you sure you’re ready?”

“Of course, I’m sure! I’m the one who asked you out, idiot!” Rukia said, sounding resolute again, “I wouldn’t ask, unless I was sure!” Rukia put her hands on top of his, “I- I want to go out with you, Abarai Renji, and to do romantic things with you specifically!” She said, nodding firmly.

“Oh! I uh…good! That-that’s good!” Renji had become fully aware that his ears were now burning. He coughed, “So um…did you have anything in mind? For the restaurant, I mean!”

“Well, I’ve been to a couple with Niisama, but they all tend to be pretty stuffy. I don’t know if I could relax in those…”

“Hmmm, good point,” Renji said. He thought quickly, “Oh!!! Kira took me and some of the guys to a bar once that was pretty fancy! Not the captain’s level of fancy, though.”

“Sounds perfect! It’s right in between, “Rukia nodded, “Now more importantly, how was the booze?”

“Oh pretty good. Fancy enough to have some of the more fancy drinks, but not so fancy that you can’t get wasted on others.”

“Oh nice! You should have shown them to me sooner!”

Renji laughed, “Yeah probably, I was just waiting for a special occasion…” He said, looking at her warmly. Rukia nodded. She gave his hands a meaningful squeeze before removing them. She then gave his arm a tug.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” She said, enthusiastically, “That booze ain’t going to drink itself! Plus I want to try out the fancy drinks too!”

“Alright! Alright!” Renji chuckled. They exited the room together and began to walk down the Fourth Division Emergency Room halls. When they made it outside, the night sky was crisp and clear.

“Hey,” Renji began.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for asking me out. To be honest, I’ve liked you for a long time, like a really long time. And I figured out more recently, that you liked me too, but well…” Renji sighed and looked down, “After what happened to Captain Ukitake…well I saw how that affected you. How busy and tired and sad and stressed you were, and I…” he turned to look at her again, “well I wanted to support you anyway I could! But I wasn’t sure that romance was what you needed from me,” he looked down again and began rubbing the back of his neck, “And I didn’t want you to feel bad if you didn’t want or just weren't ready for a romantic relationship. So I tried to do my best to be there for you but also let you know that if that is something you did want,” he took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes, “that I’d always be here for you.”

“Ah…” Rukia breathed, “So that was it. That’s what I thought.”

“Yeah…sorry, I didn’t say that before.”

“Idiot, what are you apologizing for? You were trying to be considerate!” Rukia fussed at him, “Still…know in the future, you can always just talk to me about it. No more of this beating around the bush, alright?”

“Yeah…” Renji smiled, “Thanks, Ru.”

Rukia felt her ears burn a little at the nickname, “Idiot, w-what are you thanking me for! Now come one before there isn’t any booze left!” She said stomping off.

Renji chuckled, as he followed after her, “It’s a bar, Rukia, I doubt they are going to run out.”

“They are if I get there before you and drink it all!” Rukia said, breaking into a sprint.

“What?! Hey, you don’t even know where it is!” Renji said, sprinting after her.

“My shinigami alcohol sense will tell me!”

“That’s not even a real thing, Rukia! Hey, get back here!”

They raced each other all over the Seireitei. Soul King only knows if they ever even made it to that bar. But it matters not, for they were together.

[beauzos]

for the fics writing ask that i forgot abt until just now; 1, 13, 27, 28, 51, 78 :3

Fanfiction Writing Asks

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

I spend a lot of time daydreaming, yes, which is why I feel so insistent upon jotting down all of my ideas so I can refer to them later. Sometimes, the turnaround can be rather quick if I have the motivation AND time, but not always. Most of the time, I've been thinking about the scenes I write for a while before I have the chance to actually write them down.

13. Do you listen to music while you write? If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

It depends on whether I think I can focus or not. I CAN put on music while writing if my brain is able to just... not even process that I'm listening to something KRKF but if I notice it's there, then I can't think straight. The words get in the way of MY words. I don't think I've been listening to anything while writing recently, though.

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

I can bring it with characterization, if anything. I feel like I am very good at executing different characters and their personalities-- and making them seem distinct from each other. Which doesn't sound all that impressive, but it is kinda hard to do. Otherwise, I don't know. Doesn't everyone say they're good at dialogue? I'm good at dialogue, too, lol.

But I feel very confident about how I characterize, first and foremost.

28. What area of writing do you want to improve in?

My narration / prose could be better at times. I get caught in clunkiness when I don't know how to transition scenes or establish a timeskip and I can feeeeeel how awkward it is. On that note, also awkwardness with mentioning something in narration without it feeling too explanatory. Like that you notice you're having something explained to you, I suppose. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I don't.

I could also get better at ending chapters or things. I'm not often sure of what to say, which is why I lean heavy on ending chapters or things with a line of dialogue rather than narration.

51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

Wow, that's a great question. As I've said before, I don't really read fanfiction. It just doesn't really interest me, but when I've been reading fic lately, it's all ship stuff and smut. Like that's usually the only reason I'll go after fic is if I wanna see some characters fuck NJBSDHJ If I find great writing or character studies therein, that's a bonus, though. I like copernicusjones's Black/bright fics because it balances sexual content with legitimately good writing and character studies, for example.

And, as I've said, I don't write romance. And I don't write smut really either. I posted one smut fic publicly one time and then got so embarrassed I orphaned it NJRFD and I had a short period a couple years where I wrote a good handful of fics for myself and then I stopped and never did it again. Not sure why lol. I'm not a romance writer or reader under most circumstances, though.

I haven't really answered the question yet properly, huh. Okay, let's think about the type of stuff I read in terms of actual, published works. I like literary fiction, or more ~highbrow~ type novels, but I don't necessarily need it to be lit fic to be good to me. I just want to have an emotional experience of some kind. I don't necessarily often want light, or fluff, or what we call "commercial" books. I like character studies, that kind of thing. Better yet if it's a character(s) just... fuckin... going THROUGH it.

Not always, but those books stick in my ribs the most. I gravitate often towards classics as well for similar reasons.

I can't be so arrogant as to compare my writing to literary fiction at this junction though JNSD

ANYWAYS, I like my writing and I do think my writing ultimately reflects the kind of things I value in writing overall. I've called my writing style "brutal character study" for a while and I think that's true lol. I want it to be character-driven and I want them to go through HELL before anything gets better!!!! I just find that fun, and it's what I come back to. I like putting a character through hell and seeing how they crumple-- and how they manage to continue, how they could potentially heal, or how this affects them from then on.

Stuff like that clicks with me, and I suppose that carries over to the books I read quite often. Maybe. Probably.

78. What motivates you during the writing process?

The basic desire to simply see this story be written because I want it out of my brain lol-- and my investment in the characters, of course. My writing is very driven by special interests, so I'm writing about characters I'm thinking about all day to begin with, and I need to have SOMETHING to show for it. My sheer love of characters is a better answer, then, I think. I just love the Character!! And I have all these ideas, so I simply must write some of them. Or try, at least.