#i think to other lesbians im always going to be That Bisexual who only dates men but never shuts up about loving women

[strawberrybabydog]

realizing im a lesbian has genuinely been one of the most life-ruining things ive experienced so far :0(

i dont think i know any other lesbians

i am a baby dyke. who likes a baby dyke? apparently nobody. i dont seem to fit into ANY lesbian spaces because i'm green but how do i become not green without experience? apparently i need 10 years experience for an entry-level job :0(??

how... do i even find other lesbians irl? "gay bar" ok first off why would i ever go to a bar. also im pretty sure those dont exist where i live

do i love lesbians because i hate and am traumatized by men or do i love lesbians because im normal. only one answer actually makes me a lesbian

if im not lesbian what am i? :0( i dont want to Just be asexual, that doesnt Mean anything

lesbians are fucking scary. i used to follow 10 sapphic-centric blogs but.... theyre always talking about how horrible/annoying other lesbians are over discourse ive never heard of, meaning, im probably participating in it without knowing

oh yeah. that too. i know nothing about lesbians. and being a lesbian. apparently when you're a lesbian you have to know every single piece of sapphic literature and every lesbian of history or you're bad and stupid and dont deserve to be talked to

it really feels like being hetero is free and easy, like you dont have to think about it you just Love Someone, but being queer is hard and energy-consuming and you have no choice but to dedicate the rest of your life to learning and knowing every single piece of sapphic-centered discourse. it seems like being a lesbian has more to do with knowing facts about historic lesbianism than it has to do with loving another lesbian and i'm sooooo not interested in being queer for the sake of discourse i just want to kiss a lady or whatever but thats not allowed until i pass my lesbian exam that every other lesbian passed 20 years ago

idk. maybe all of this confusion means im not a lesbian. i think if i really was sapphic i'd know the answers to this stuff already, researching would be easy and enjoyable..... but the master lesbian google doc..... idk... it seems like being sapphic requires more than just "Girls Kinda Pretty" and that is awful to me. i dont want to spend 4 years in lesbian university studying lesbianism just to get my lesbian degree so i can kiss a girl. i want to just kiss a girl Now why do i need a masters degree?? why do i have to study and earn and prove my place in a society where i thought the bottom line was Kiss Girls And Chill

"community history is important" i agree but why do i need to know all of this shit First, Before i am a lesbian. why cant i kiss ladies and research at the same time. idfk. idk anymore. i just want to love my gf. why am i 22 trying to figure out my sexuality when everyone i know did it when we were 14, how is that fair to me?? im sorry for being a late bloomer i dont know what you want from me

[most-datable-datable-bracket]

ROUND 3 MATCH 32

Mammon propaganda:

“He was done dirty in the first round, I hope he wins this time because he deserves it 

First of all, he hates you at the start but then he starts to like you but he exclaimed his hate too much at the start so he can't admit it 

Everyone knows that he likes MC, even his little D (who are demons familiars) thinks that they should date 

He is a classic tsundere but doesn't actually hurt you like other tsunderes but he is so bad at hiding his feelings that everyone is just ignores it 

He is the avatar of greed, meaning he is clingy which may be a turn away for some people but he cares for you so so much 

He has never turned into his demon form to hurt you (Asmo hasn't but he has tried to seduce you with his power)

Don't get me started on his story cards, he literally is so cute

He wants to be a mentor to Luke, like Lucifer was to him, he is only mean to Luke because he wants Luke to learn about how life isn't all sunshine and rainbows

He is also so hot, he is a bisexual panic 

He is bullied by his brothers but he cares for them so so much despite their bullying

I am so in love with him and have written so many fics about him 

Anyway, I'm going to stop here because otherwise I'll be here all day”

“First friend, first pact, practically the MC's first everything, he is a major Tsundere, he holds my heart hostage, I just want to smooch him, he and MC share a room, he is such a cute little bab, he does bully Luke (a child) but it's revealed that he just wants to show Luke that the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows and want help him figure things out

He is the cutest little guy, he cares for his brother 

His sin is greed so he does steal things from people but since lesson 1 he hasn't stolen anything from MC 

He wrote a song to propose 

Sure he is clingy but in a good way

He is so cute 

He adopted a child, which he had to leave in the care of witches and willingly let's the witches extort him 

There is so much that I can say about him but 1. Spoilers and 2. I don't think you want to read that much”

“OKAY SO. OH MY GOD. 

First person we're able to properly romance in game. AND FOR GOOD REASON. He's had MCs back from the beginning, hes the one real one in the game. He's always trying to protect us and its so nice. Puppy boy. He's so me as well??? Like he's such a doting boyfriend it's literally so cute. When MC had to go back up to Earth, he kept breaking the rotating schedule in order to call us more. He always gets MC gifts (avatar of greed love language being gift giving im gonna collapse) and he just drops the most romantic lines out of nowhere??? Like sir are you trying to give me a heart attack. He's the secretly traumatized comic relief. He has ADHD. He's canonically queer (MC doesnt have a set gender). He even likes Head pats. Vote Mammon.”

“HE'S SO PATHETIC AND CRINGEFAIL. I LOVE HIM”

Jaehee propaganda:

“only female love interest in MM, not included in the first round for SOME REASON, you literally go off and live your coffee shop au with her at the end of her route.”

“My lesbian wife. Open a bakery with her after convincing her that she doesn't have to give up her happiness to make money. She can pursue her passions. Also her backstory is so sad and I just wanna hug and kiss her and throw hands at her "family" for making her feel like she does. Also the Valentine's dlc, you get locked in the back of the bakery with her and... Yeah that's my wife. I love her dearly. Also can we just acknowledge that she's like the only path that involves almost none of the dramatic death defying nonsense. You're just gay and in love and it's beautiful”

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover friday thing and im sorry if i've already sent you an ask about this, i have the worst memory in the world at the best of times. with that out of the way... how do i cope with my orientation doing a 180? my whole life, starting from when i was about 10, ive identified as a lesbian. i exclusively dated girls (or people who identified as girls at the time anyway) and non-binary people. i was only attracted to girls and non-binary people. when i thought about being married in the future, it was always to a woman or non-binary person.

then i met my soulmate and he was a man. i dont use the term lightly either -- im talking about love at first meeting, spending time together as often as possible, sharing secrets, the whole thing. i plan on getting a tattoo dedicated to him. i still called myself a lesbian, just with one exception, because he was the only man i ever loved. and then he went dormant and hasnt come back (hence the tattoo).

then i started noticing i sometimes got crushes on men but not very often. now it's a couple years later and it struck me the other day that i don't think i'm sexually attracted to women anymore. just men and non-binary people. and it really threw me for a loop. ive been a lesbian my whole life but now im not? i'm almost exclusively (sexually) xlm now. which is certainly hard to deal with since i'm dating someone who is woman-aligned.

this is really long im so sorry i didnt mean to ramble so much akskfkf but do you have any words of advice for someone whose identity flipped on its head and feels lost now

I doubt that I’m going to say anything revolutionary here, so I’m just going to talk.

Things change for everyone. Different things change for different people. I don’t want to discount the experiences of certain people like men who are attracted to cis women exclusively, women who are attracted to cis men specifically, men who are only attracted to men, women who only attracted to women, etc. When I say stuff like “sexuality is fluid” it’s in the same way you say “gender is fluid” knowing that for some people it 100% isn’t, but it CAN be.

Some people have a very hard time accepting that sexuality can be fluid. It’s been pointed out before that some people are all for playing around with your gender and calling yourself a woman as a cis man in drag or calling yourself a liquid because your gender is so fluid or going “none of the above” in those gender questions or any amount of things like that. But as soon as someone implies that sometimes you can be a lesbian and sometimes you can be a gay man and those things can coincide or change certain people get really up in arms.

Complicated sexualities and gender have been around longer than any of us, and certainly around longer than tumblr and the internet. Perhaps my own favorite example is talking about how bisexuals and lesbians used to fall under the same or at least a more similar label in Stone Butch Blues. Before the phenomenon of lesbian separatists.

Bisexual lesbians and pansexual gays and all those kinds of things, while perhaps POPULARIZED by social media, existed long before that. Why is the idea that trans people existed before tumblr not a novel idea but the fact that perhaps wlw were all lumped under the phrase “lesbian” because there were women with more complicated sexualities like might fit under the label “bi lesbian” today wild and unacceptable to some people?

The idea that you can call yourself a lesbian exclusively but have some exceptions or call yourself gay exclusively but have an exception or hell even call yourself straight but have an exception is not a new thing. I, personally, love straight cisgender male content creators who say shit like “I’m not gay but I would make out with that man”. Cracks me the fuck up. I want more of that shit. But suddenly if a lesbian says “I’m not straight but I would make out with that man” it’s like woah woah woah are you sure you’re REALLY a lesbian?

Plenty of people who are straight/gay/lesbian fully accept that you can ID as one of those things and still use that label if you have on exception or even a few. Some do not, and will say if your thoughts even stray from your assigned sex of attraction then you are not allowed to use that label.

There will people who will say you can’t call yourself a lesbian if you’ve had sex with a man before even if you didn’t enjoy it. Gold star lesbian mentality.

The idea of sexuality being fluid is sadly a controversial one, as is every facet of being “in the community”. But for many people it is.

I see it a lot like coming to terms that you are not in fact cisgender. You go your whole life believing, truly believing, that you are a cis girl perhaps, until suddenly one day you realize you are NOT. Maybe there weren’t “signs” that you were trans along the way. Maybe one day it just hit you like a ton of bricks. What do you do? How do you cope?

Well. How do you cope with any other thing that hits you like a ton of bricks? How do you cope with someone you thought loved you deciding to dump you and never speak to you again in a day? How do you cope with being fired from a job you felt so secure in and planned on being in for at least another decade? How do you cope with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Over time. You try not to stress it. You try and move through your days by keeping it in the back of your mind until time has dulled that immediate pain enough for you to reconsider. The pain isn’t going to go away. But it can become manageable. You cannot deal with things if you are screaming and crying and hyperventilating and throwing things. You need to wait until you’re not doing any of those things in order to deal with the issue at hand, for a vivid and extreme example.

What does it mean to you to be xlm? I call myself a bi lesbian. On this blog I call myself trans masc and mlm. On my main I’m a [girl] and a bi lesbian. To me that means I, Savanna, personally will have sex with people who have a vagina, as someone who also has a vagina. Be they trans men, trans women, cis women, nonbinary/other. I do not like the idea of having sex with an actual flesh and blood and cummy dick, HOWEVER I’m open enough to say “I haven’t really been in a position in my life right now where someone has wanted to jam their dick inside of me, so I haven’t really had to worry about that. If it comes to that point, I can’t say for sure that I’m going to be like ‘ew no a dick’ even though I do not like dicks. Depending on the person and the situation I might be willing to make an exception.” And hey. There are people I might be with who have a vagina that I might just be like hey you know what? I don’t want to have sex. For whatever reason.

Your partner is woman-aligned, so I’m sure in your mind that’s not something you’re aesthetically attracted to right now. But sexually might you be? Do you think you’re having another exception to your sexuality like you did before?

Try your best not to worry about it and try to come to any conclusions until you’ve given it some time. I’m not sure how long it’s been since you came to this realization, maybe it’s been a few days, maybe it’s been a few weeks. But take the time you need to not make an emotional response to it in regards to your current relationship. Do what you’re doing and talk to other people about it. When you’re ready, you should talk to your partner about it. Perhaps there’s accommodations and arrangements that can be made. I’ve said before even though I’m transmasc here like if a cishet guy wanted to date me only as his gf I would be willing to compromise on my gender expression for that most likely. My gender isn’t a huge deal to me. Things like that.

Take it slow and take your time. Don’t make any rash decisions. Talk it out. Don’t worry about feeling like you “made a mistake” or are “living a lie”. We wouldn’t tell someone who came out as trans things like that, so much as gender changes and/or is fluid so is sexuality.

[angelhummel]

not to be a hater i was just thinking about this recently. the biphobia in Glee is so inconsistent with how its addressed.

like i’m pretty sure the ONLY person who ever gets called out for saying anything remotely biphobic is Kurt (which like im glad bc it was a shitty thing to say. tho i think kurt antis use it to frequently paint this rhetoric that kurt is a bad person bc of one (1) shitty thing he said)

meanwhile santana can say shitty things about bisexuality bc shes mad that brittany is dating sam and thats apparently fine???? she really has the idea that brittany is betraying her for penis which is bizarre. also i feel like she enabled dani’s biphobia as well.

i love santana, but i feel like this issue is heavily glossed over by fans while kurt’s comment is apparently bad enough to crucify him :/

I know we've talked about it before but I also just thought of it again recently. Bc there was a poll with Here Comes The Sun and someone in the tags was like "I'll vote for anything over Dani's biphobic ass" and it's like well baby girl Santana's biphobic ass is literally standing right next to her. And people sure don't have a problem voting for Santana's songs despite how blatantly biphobic she also is

And also transphobic, we can throw that in there, bc it's always about Penis and Boys hand in hand like there's no other option. Never mind Unique has been on the show for over a season, let's keep equating dick with gross boys and pussy with beautiful lesbian 100% pure sapphic goddesses 😍😍 Bleh it's like they tried to cram in every last shred of offensive sexual language they could think of into one two minute scene

BUT it's not like I'm judging that specific tagger, or anyone else who dislikes Dani. Bc at least Santana is a character with a million other things going for her besides the worst things she's said (exactly like Kurt hi) whereas Dani had like ten lines in her time on the show and half of them were "sapphic goddess" and "i love lady parts" barf

"She enabled Dani's biphobia as well" yeah literally. She could've just said "I was dating a girl and it didn't work out and we broke up" but she specifically threw "and she was bi" into the middle of it like that's part of the reason they broke up lmao. Santana, who tells Brittany that it's okay for her to date someone new, boy or girl, just to throw a fit when Brittany ends up dating Sam and makes it into some weird thing about her need for dick and how she's Less Than bc she's bi. And telling that to a potential new partner so she can reinforce her shitty stereotypes by also being gross about bi people (: Amazing

And anyway bringing it back to Kurt and double standards but like. That's pretty much the only offensive thing Kurt ever said lmao. Like yeah he said some dumb or thoughtless things here and there but if you take out that one glaring fuck up, you're not really left with anything that bad. Whereas if you extract Santana's biphobia from the equation, you're still left with six seasons of racism, homophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, fatphobia...

So yeah :) Double standards, anon, double standards x

[schizowitchic]

re: the last post i reblogged i am now going to rant about biphobia i have experienced and am experiencing! yay /s

(under a cut bc this got way too long)

so in secondary school i was in a friend group full of queer people, majority of whom were bisexual girls (at the time. a couple are now nonbinary / asexual) . and they were very big on the whole "bisexual culture is liking every woman and 2 men" thing, a lot of "ew men" jokes, and all in all general "liking women is better than liking men" "why am i dating a gross icky man i should be with a woman".

now i am more attracted to men than women, not by much, its typically fairly equal, but i definitely have a leaning towards men. and i repressed that for AGES. because it simply was "frowned upon", so to speak, from almost everyone i was close with

(for further context for the rest of this. i am not out as genderfluid. i use she/her pronouns irl and ppl know me as a cis woman. i am not really out as aromantic, when i identified as aroace i did tell a few people but i think they either completely ignored me or forgot. lol.)

nowadays, i tell my friends i am bisexual. one in particular always seems to forget, constantly calling me gay/lesbian, assuming i have no opinion or that my opinion will be "ew no" when she asks if i find a man she likes hot. (she has told me so many times "why am i asking you this you don't even like men". i have told her i am bisexual several times) (she also thinks it's funny to call me & another friend "f-slurs" . she says that not the actual word but still. i have to find it funny bc she gets so defensive if we imply she's homophobic)

(i do call myself gay bc i consider none of my attraction ever to be straight. i have no major issues with being called a lesbian apart from the fact that. yknow. im not a lesbian and have never identified as such)

i made a post a while back saying something like "help im being biseuxal erasured". because i am!! i am stuck in yet another situation with people who are either mainly attracted to women/only attracted to women/don't often talk about their attraction to me & also two cishet girls who are attracted to men in a very different way than i am (one of whom erases the fact i am attracted to men and the other who i don't like and probably assumes i'm a lesbian bc of how often everyone else says that)

also full of "ew men" jokes!!. might i add.

i literally have no space to talk about the way i experience attraction, i have to water it down and pretend i only like women, pretend i am interested in romance, pretend i feel attraction when the occasioanll bout of extreme sex-repulsion hits, take (albeit censored) homophobic slurs, sex jokes about me & another female friend that are getting uncomfortable.

and pretend like the main perpretatror of this isn't being at all queerphobic. (she also has massive racism and antisemitism issues. although my friend did throw basically a whole book at her face when she made a really bad joke). to the point where i no longer consider her a friend but i can't say that bc then im overreacting and i'll get the same bullying ostracisation treatment & my friends are still gonna hang out w her so i can't avoid it

people wonder why i am aplatonic when throughout friendships i have experienced: making fun of me to my face & behind my back, bullying, homophobia, biphobia, aphobia, ableism .

like what the fuck. im sick and fucking tired of having nowhere safe to express my sexuality bc let's be real, the internet often isn't the best space.

ive made my peace with either having to compromise my aromanticism or my allosexuality irl (ie either be out as bisexual or out as aroace) but apparently i can't even freely be bisexual without people making assumptions and at this point im just waiting it out until i can hit restart and try make new friends

[redheadbigshoes]

Hey! I’ve been thinking a lot lately and wanted some advice!

I don’t want to come across biphobic or anything when I say this.

There’s this so called “friend” of mine. We didn’t talk for a year because she said something that hurt me and I ignored her and she thought I was coming onto her even though I wasn’t when she has a boyfriend when I was only discussing my insecurities. She’s bisexual. She wanted to hang out again and I said we could but I don’t hit her up like I used to after what happened and what she said when she told me she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore before. I always wonder if it’s because I’m lesbian people assume I want every girl or feel predatory.

I liked her a lot but… I don’t anymore. She works as a secca around school and we mostly don’t talk and walk past each other. One time, whenever we joke, it’s like she uses it against me like why I ignored her in the first place and I told her jokingly to figure it out. I’m just not in that place with her and she expects me to talk to her more often or something and it’s like come to me and text me. But I don’t like chasing people so I don’t. I’m just not feeling her like that so I space myself from her. She’s confusing.

I don’t want to think it’s because she’s bisexual, but before her there was another bisexual who I reword being friends with and she took stuff the wrong way and blamed me.

My other current bisexual friend is nice but sometimes I try not to get close to her because of previous bad experiences. It feels like hard to be around bisexuals or let alone be friends with one or date one because I was hurt by them so much. I’m just more cautious around them. Not because I think they’ll go after another man or cheating or anything… it’s friendship wise it’s hard and it’s been bad.

I don’t want to feel like im shutting out bisexual women and I don’t want to have that mindset in the future if I date or in a relationship with a bisexual to not feel this way.

Any advice? I just don’t know what to do. As a lesbian it’s like I get shunned out more for being open and honest.

Very long post sorry

Heyy

Unfortunely seeing lesbians as predatory and like we must be attracted to every woman because of our sexuality is a very common treatment from non-lesbians, but usually comes from straight women.

My advice is the same I gave another anon who was struggling with the same issue regarding this fear of generalizing bi women based on past negative experiences with them: whenever you’re looking for someone to date and the person is bi (but tbh this advice is also valid if the person is a lesbian), try to figure out if the person is out, I think there’s less chance of getting hurt if the person isn’t in the closet.

It’s very important to have good communication with the person you’re dating, so I’d say at the beginning of the relationship or when you’re getting to know the person try to talk about your sexuality, it’s better if you’re open with them right at the beginning and see if they’re open to listen to you or not than get disappointed after you’re already more serious with said person.

[jenny-from-the-bau]

i totally get your struggle and am very sorry about that last part of how you denied yourself bc society makes you feel like you need to like man as a woman or as a gay man but i’m not sure that saying “I think I'm "lesbian" in a very 80s way haha like back when bisexuals were "on again off again lesbians"” is the best way to go? that sounds a little irk i can be honest! but im not judging your journey or anything like that and i get that our worst judges are ourselves and i hope you can finally let yourself feel that attraction without guilty one day <3

I feel like I don't have the words to fully express my thoughts on this.

I know that a lot of queer people like the rigidity and limitations of labels and the way that it makes it very clear that they are separate from cishet norms. It's amazing to say "I'm a lesbian" and fully 100% know there is 0% chance that you will ever be with a man. You are a woman who likes women.

however, there are plenty of people (like me) who lean into that rigidity, realize it doesn't fit, and then aren't sure what to do. I built SO MUCH of my identity around (1) being a woman and (2) being a lesbian. Literally the last 18 years of my life have been about being a lesbian. My whole frame of reference is being a lesbian.

when I started exploring my gender, I would have literally panic attacks around penises and men in any state of undress because it was too much. I was a lesbian so "ew men," but then they started being what I wanted to become. What then? Am I betraying my lesbianism by becoming a man? I can't be a lesbian if I'm a MAN. At the same time, I was NEVER going to be a straight man. I love women like only another woman can (in terms of approach, not quality. I'm not limiting other genders' ability to love women). But. I wasn't a woman anymore.

well, I'm not a man now either. My gender is none of my business, but I still connect with lesbians and revel in the feeling of seeing media where women are entirely separate from men. I still move through the world as a lesbian. I have almost all lesbian friends. My wife is a lesbian.

But. I have found my formerly repressed attraction to men coming back. I like talking about them, admiring them, writing about them. I don't think I'd ever date or sleep with a man (even if (god forbid) my wife and I get a divorce). I like women and dating women and only being with women. I'm still, functionally, a lesbian. But. I am neither entirely a woman nor solely attracted to women.

So.

I like calling myself A Butch and A Dyke because it places me in the group of "not society's woman." It puts my attraction to women at the forefront. These are both terms, though, that can be used by bisexuals. Hell, even gay men use Butch. Dykes don't always identify as entirely women.

i also call myself bisexual all the time! I use bisexual more than I use lesbian! Do I still reblog lesbian stuff? Yeah! Because I relate a lot to it, but I definitely use queer and bisexual way more.

[xshybutdeadlyx]

Just gonna be a big rant of word vomit.

Please note I'm not trying to attack anyone I'm just kinda laying my feelings out.

I kinda wonder why I bother with Fandoms. I rarely act in any fandoms I'm hyperfixating over but for hazbin hotel I thought why not. But to the surprise of no one it is just like every other Fandom with backhanded comments always being tossed around. And most of it is centered around the character Alastor which I get but God it's giving me anxiety.

Like right now I'm seeing the a divide on the possibility of him having a kinship with the people of the hotel. Personally I think he does or more like did but he's going back to his roots of keeping everyone at an arms length and using them because of his defeat by the hands of Adam. But I personally think those feelings can resurface, but it's gonna be a battle to do so. But I am seeing a lot that people don't believe those feelings were ever there. He really is just a cold heartless bastard who has a God complex and is just mad he lost and that's it. And I feel like that is also correct. But I don't think that makes my hypothesis or how I feel I read the scene wrong? But I've seen people say "if you think this certain way then you are show illiterate and you don't know his character and IM the only one who understands him!" Like....OK? That's the beautiful thing about any piece of literature characters and scenes, anyone can interpret it in so may different ways and it doesn't make anyone wrong. So can't we all just have our own interpretation and just gush over it instead of scoffing at people who didn't see the same thing you saw?

As for shipping, that's a whole monster within its own. I personally don't think anyone is entitled to dictate what someone can and can't do with pixilated characters. I honestly very much understand that Alastor is a big deal considering he's aroace, and that doesn't get enough media representation. And I respect the hell out of it. But I'll also in the same breath say I'm a shipper. I love staticradio because I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers trope. In canon, I want Alastor to keep being the beautiful dick head he is that just has gossip tea parties with Rosie and just doesn't have those romantic or sexual urges. In fanon, though, anyone can really do what they want. I think as long as there aren't death threats or literal force being used to make the creator of the show force Alastor into a relationship I don't think theirs anything in fanon that should be taken seriously when canon is right there glaring everyone in the face. If people wanna keep the "relationship" one-sided? Awesome. If they want Alastor to smooch someone? Cool. They want him to rawdog or get raw dogged by someone. Hey, power to ya, just put it in the tags so people can steer clear of it if they don't wanna see that. I see many people saying it's erasure, but I just don't see how it's erasure when it's still there in canon. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, can erase Alastor, who is a sassy aroace king. I can't say I don't understand the mentality, though. As a bisexual woman myself, I see fanfics where bi characters are labeled straight or lesbian/gay completely, ignoring that who they date doesn't make them, neither straight nor gay. It does sting and leave a bad taste but again they can say that, they can write all they want and if it's cathartic for them then ok more power to em because at the end of the day that character is still bisexual they didn't erase it. Usually, people are good at tagging, so if they do make them one way or the other, i dont read or look at the art. It's very easy to scroll down. Sometimes i see it repedidly, but that's what blacklisting is for too. There are many countermeasures. Plus, a lot of things are all in good fun or just canon divergence. People can be creative and play with different ideas. "What if a character was like that!?" "What if they do this!?" "What if this happened instead, and it changed their whole character!?" That's what's supposed to be fun about being in fandoms. Everyone is entitled to feel how they feel. You're allowed to not like something. But I don't think you're allowed to make other people feel like shit because they go against canon, or more precisely, against your views. I genuinely don't think anyone ever means disrespect. All they want to do is have fun and create along with like-minded individuals. You're allowed to not like something. Hell, I don't like Vox and Val together, and that shits canon, but that just means I ain't gonna actively seek it out. (I personally ship Valentino with a bug zapper.)

All in all I just want everyone to feel safe and just have fun because I've just seen so many people to scared, me included, to do anything in the Fandom in fear of getting attacked and that's mostly what's been really eating away at me. But at the end of the day, this IS the internet, and discourse is basically its bread and butter.

Like I said though this is mostly just a vent post but I wouldn't mind to hear others thoughts if you're willing. I know I just probably talked out of my ass for forever. At the end of the day we are just all apart of this silly little Fandom of silly little demon people and we should all just be having fun look at what we like, write/draw what we want. It's exhausting spending energy like anger and malice, we should just focus on the things that matter to us and the things we like and just enjoy it for however long the hyperfixation lasts. Nobody is wrong. Nobody is right. we are just creators or people on here to just escape for a little bit and connect with a show or characters that resonate with us.

Ok for reals this time peace ✌️ if you made it this far and actually read everything I had to say thank you, you're a trooper. I hope I didn't offend anyone since that was not my intent. I just had a lot of feelings and I'd rather we all get along then tear each other apart.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

Do u have any hcs about Vanessa and her older sister? (Ruby?)

thank u sm for your ask! <3 sorry for the late response, i've been unwell & burnt out *sobs*

i think i've mentioned my headcanons here & there but never made one specific post to put them together, so i'll do that now :) more under the cut, ahaha.

i think we can already tell from canon - from how when vanessa & nate are getting together in s1 she takes him out or suggests taking him out (i don't remember which?) to a lesbian punk concert & then to a mexican food place right after. the vibe i got was that despite not being a lesbian, vanessa's always been very involved in local wlw events because of ruby, and would probably be totally on top of like. queer film festivals and whatnot, because ruby would've taken her there always.

they canonically lived together for a bit. i kind of imagine their dynamic to be similar to serena & eric, but maybe with a little more space, as vanessa strikes me as someone who would want to be independent and not have her big sister in the picture all the time. the abrams parents are canonically stated to have very idealised & firm expectations of vanessa (and probably of ruby too) as we can see during s1 when v & nate are comparing their overbearing parents (imagine being able to compare your parental pressure to that placed on nate by the archibalds, the abrams were definitely making vanessa feel the weight of their expectations & she likely couldn't have spoken to someone like dan about it, because the humphrey-abrams family dynamics are such that he's likely very close to her parents, just how dan can't complain about rufus to vanessa because the rufus v sees and the rufus dan sees are two different rufuses. rufii? lol sorry).

we also see during s3 & that whole nonsense with vanessa wanting that speech so bad to impress gabriella and her whole "i wish the humphreys were MY parents i wish they were PROUD of me!" as well as. the fact that vanessa even went to college? was because nate dragged her off to the sats, just so that she would have the choice if it came down to that. nate wasn't ever like "you gotta go to college", he was like "if you one day decide that you DO wanna go, you should have the ability to decide that for yourself & be in a position to make that decision" which i really like.

anyway, all that is just to say that the abrams parents seem very overbearing, and im sure ruby felt the weight of those expectations as well. which is why i think of v & ruby to have a dynamic closer to serena & eric's, a sort of "you are the only other person who knows what it's like to have our biological parents be this unreliable and intense so i will be there for you and you will be there for me and we will mutually support each other."

i think ruby would be the sort of person to ensure that whoever she's dating is good to her sister, or else she drops them, and i see ruby and whoever is her gf at the time (or hell, girlfriends plural,she could be polyam) being very cognisant of including vanessa in stuff. like. if they go for dinner out they bring back a dessert for her, the 2 of them ask her questions about what's up with her and how she's doing, stuff like that. id imagine ruby's gfs to be a lot like serena was to jenny in early s1, very big sisterly because 'my romantic partner's little sister is my little sister now.'

i also think vanessa is bisexual (if i remember right, @vanderwoodlings once said "vanessa is the closest thing to a canon bisexual that we got" and... they're right. canon vanlivia kiss and all those yearning glances at serena in s1/s2 and at olivia in s3.... anyway) - and i think unlike ruby, who always knew she was lesbian, it takes vanessa a while to truly acknowledge and accept her sexuality. the fact that she has ruby, though, and the fact that ruby has taken her along for so many lgbtq+ events, would mean that vanessa knows that she has that support net, and that would make navigating her sexuality easier. not necessarily easy, but easier. i wrote a fic about this... well, kind of about this, but it's directly connected & uses this headcanon. here it is, if you want to read it.

i feel like i have more headcanons that im not remembering rn, but hopefully this is solid enough to answer your Q?

oh, bonus headcanon. im sure that at some point, ruby's lesbian band makes one of those hour-long documentary/behind the scene videos. who better to direct it, shoot it, and put it together, than aspiring filmmaker vanessa abrams?? (i have a lot of thoughts about this headcanon specifically. i might fic it up.)

[violentviolette]

I may be misreading the tags, but how exactly does your wife identify with the lesbian label? You're a trans man, so I'm curious as to how your wife's label affects the relationship and what not (as in, how does your wife view you and be attracted to you in a 'lesbian' way). Fuck I am asking this terribly LMAO if your wife is fine with elaborating on their label(s), that would be cool! I'd like to educate myself on "unconventional labels" more.

i think my wife identifies as a lesbian pretty easily actually lol pretty sure it's as natural as breathing for her at this point after 25+ years. and i actually dont think there's anything unconventional about it at all, she's just a lesbian and it doesnt really effect our relationship cause neither one of us has any issue with the others labels and we dont feel they contradict our own. my wife is a butch lesbian and im a nb trans man and thats really all there is to it. she loves me like a person loves another person

real life is very very rarely as neat and orderly and catagorized as online queer spaces make it sound, and i think our situation is much more common than most people who mostly only interact with other queer ppl online think. in real life queer communities specific labels matter WAY less than they ever do here, u dont have to change ur entire label and identity for a single person. my wife and i are both deeply queer and we love eachother and that's what matters most to us both.

we met and started dating when we were 19, i didnt realize i was trans until i was around like 25ish and at that point we'd been together for 6 years and had built a life with one another. we obviously had a lot of talks about it at first while i was first coming out and figuring out what i wanted for myself. we talked about what was important to each of us, what we were comfortable with, where each of our boundaries were, what were deal breakers for us, ect. Obviously every individual person is going to be different and everyones comfort levels and needs and preferences are going to be different, and so not everyone in our same position would feel the same, and if certain things were different about either of us we might not feel the same, but for us we ended up not really having any issues staying together

i think the biggest thing for each of us was retaining our autonomy and not feeling the need to change either of our language to try and accomodate the other. being a lesbian and that label is important to my wife, she isnt attracted to men and has no interest in dating men, she's a very classic butch dyke and that identity and community is important to her, so there's really no need for her to change her label or sense of self just to justify her love for me, it's just not neccessary. i know she loves me for the person i am because no one alive knows me better than her, and thats more than enough for me.

and in the same way i dont feel the need to downplay my masculinity or hide my gender or call myself any less of a man in order to justify loving and staying together with her. im a dude and a guy and i use he pronouns and she has always respected that and never tried to discourge me for her own sake. she wants me to be happy and authentic and true to myself and has no need or desire to feminize me in any way in order to continue to love me. she knows the whole person i am and is not only okay with that, but genuinely enjoys it. she can not love men while still loving me.

and thats really all there is to it, i dont think it's that unconventional or weird or even contradictary. we're queer and thats what matters. i think one of the best things about being queer is being able to fuck with those conceptions and those binaries and the rules given to us by cishet society

im a bisexual femme ass boygirl and my wife is a dyke ass lesbian girlboy. we're both a little gender fucky and thats the way we like it.

[menalez]

mena im soo lonely. all of my friends basically never try to involve me in anything and are always hanging out with guys, theyre all bi but they only really ever date and talk about guys, they make me feel like im an ugly man weirdo (even though im feminine. i just don't wear makeup really)

i soo badly just want lesbian or gay friends bc i really struggle to feel understood currently. rn im a teen and im scared my loneliness will only get worse as i go into adulthood.

did you ever experience something similar and how were you able to get gay/lesbian friends? 💜

yeah ive had moments in university and school where i basically felt quite othered bc my female friends would often talk about guys and their crushes and male celebs etc and that didnt interest me so id either disconnect or (sth i did as a child) id invent stuff to try to fit in but i felt somewhat uncomfortable n different bc of it regardless. BUT i can at least tell u that finding gay & lesbian friends is not at all impossible, u meet 1 gay man or 1 lesbian and suddenly u end up meeting more n more bc they also tend to have their own gay & lesbian friends. even end up finding bi people who aren't so OSA-centric.

im not sure if it'll help u at all but. when i was in school, most of my friend group coincidentally turned out to either be gay or bi. in my female friend group: 1 turned out to be bi, 1 turned out to be a lesbian (& they were the ones i was closest to as well), and then from my male friends 2 turned out to be gay men. we didnt consciously know of each other's sexualities but i think we somehow subconsciously knew and connected w each other based on being semi-outcasts and different without knowing/admitting exactly how we are different. after school, at uni, i did go through about 2 years where most of my friends were het. i was living abroad and i noticed that in a lot of the west, ppl tend to only want to be friends w people of similar ethnic/racial/cultural backgrounds so my friends mostly ended up being muslim women (which was unusual for me lol. ik its odd since i grew up in a muslim country but most of my friends were not religious or weren't even muslim at all). i did have 1 friend, a bahraini gay man, who i knew through a woman i had a thing with. he was coincidentally going to the same uni as me. she introduced us and we became close friends. one of the muslim women i was friends with also ended up coming out to me as bi (she dated women briefly at first then ended up in relationships w men tho). there were several lesbians on radblr who lived in the same area as me and invited me into their group & bc of that i ended up having a lesbian friend group in the UK. wed go to lesbian events together which was fun! then in germany, i befriended the obviously gay guy in my german class bc i wanted to make friends in the country & he seemed cool. he introduced me to some other bi & gay people but i never rly became friends with them. my gf also introduced me to several lesbians & my aunt (an activist working for an LGBT org) also introduced me to several bisexuals, gay men & lesbians, many of whom i ended up befriending. so for me most of it was through other people, often women im dating or gay friends i have.

[pawtistics]

SUNKISS tell me abt yr ocs *wags tail

HII YAAAY HI <33 IM VERY EXCITED ABT THIS ive been fixating on them very much recently but augh which ones to CHOOSE !! i think ill go w lyla + co since i Just. posted her

IM DOING THIS ENTIRELY BY MEMORY N JUST FOR FUN so i might not get the more nuanced details but Hi. SO!! the story focuses mainly on saige and lyla!! Saige is lyla’s bf!! He iz a bigender butch bisexual ^u^ He/they. Lyla is a transfem xenogender femme lesbian who uses she/doll/🍓/🫐!! ANDDD also saige has a younger sibling Mylo who uses xe/xir :3 i havent decided xir specific identity but xe’s in a very lesbian relationship and i 🧡 xir partners .. i will not get into them unless asked cuz they dont play a huge role here . Potential sequel material ig 💗🧡💛💚💙💜

Saige + mylo have Shitty parents and thats a whole thing but one of the main parts of the story is !! this lil game that they play as a coping mechanism — where theyve kind of assigned each other a signature creature and will . Joke around in that space?? refer to each other as such? It’s . a nice family thing just for them alone IM ALWAYS VERY BAD AT EXPLAINING IT EVERY TIME 💔 but .. siblings :] Saige is a ghost n mylo is an alien

Lyla and saige r pitted against each other (← used lightly) @ school cuz of their “opposite aesthetics” Which they rlly rlly dont ….get?!?! Whats opposite abt them . Something something that meme where it says u have more in common w someone who wears all pink/all black than someone w a “plain” style. YKNOW.,,, and so they get to talking a bit more and i haven’t decided how they begin dating yet but they do and i love them so fuckin much 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

Lyla , after being accepted by mylo ofc, gets her own gimmick and becomes the princess :D BUT UHJNKBJG. Eventually she realizes shes nonbinary n sort of goes spiraling :[ Saige n lyla r both autistic BTW (probably all the others too ❤️ but this is whats important Naow). And lyla doesnt like change a whole lot, she doesnt want things to be Different with this family that she has now, despite not feeling very comfortable w the princess label anymore ,,and shes not very comfortable in her identity as a whole INCLUDING da autism

it’s !!! a journey for sure but lyla is so unconditionally loved n supported and she really comes into her own and accepts her passions and interests and weird gender feelings !!!! Starts dressing up VERY cool as well which is highly important 💛💛 she loves fun fruit patterns (SPECIAL INTEREST - i have to learn so many fruit facts on her behalf im working on it.)

saige gets the means to move out nd takes mylo w him. eventually lyla joins them :3 even more eventually, when xe’s ready, mylo moves out w all the support in the WORLD from the lovebirds. And then theyre having this conversation,, like

It turns out saige’s ghost gimmick was 99% based on his dissociation that they didn’t really know was a Thing, but therapy n support n time away from parents he’s a lot better now! ♡ i havent decided his new gimmick, but it’s different ♡♡

lyla’s gimmick has shifted to like,, a mixture of things instead of one Solid identity and it makes her so much happier, very freeing, very Fun and indicative of the things she loves!!!!!!!!!!!! Fruit bat ..vampire..funny little colorful friend :] YOUKNOW!! ❤️❤️💙💙 goddd i love her so much shes ymmbaby

AND THEN MYLO. MYLO was the ONLY one to stick to xir og gimmick. Xe’s adored neon green xir whole fucking life. (OH N both sibs r punk ofc it isn’t all abt fashion but in those terms saige is more casual and mylo goes ALL OUT .) so they get to talking, joking, as mylo is moving out — this tender lil heartfelt conversation where saige is kind of awed and feeling fond,, like,,,, how did you do it? how did you keep such a strong sense of self all that tiem (even back there)? AND MYLO CITES having rlly supportive lesbian parents . And it takes a second for the couple to process but they really really cry Whbjbhjgmfk .. !!!!!! ITS JUST SO . I HEART THEM

THIS IS SO LOOONG BUT THATS THEM THATS MY BAYBIES…BMBJN,GLFD,MBV,

theyre so ❣️💖💕💖💗💗💖 THANK U BTW !!! AWAWA

[scrunchyskeezer]

finally the headcanons post

this is probably going to be quite long so i will put it all under the cut. normally, when i make headcanons posts, they end up being really long, so i’ll try to organise it by making a category for each fandom so you can search for the ones you’re interested in. i can’t possibly put every ST character i like because there’s a lot of them so i’ll pick my top five. i’ll update with more fandoms as i think of them

Stranger Things

Joyce: one of the many characters who i hc as a kiddie diddler… but she’s super sweet about it i promise! she justifies it by saying “i’d never do anything my kids wouldn’t want 🥺!” if she lived in the modern generation i think she would have self diagnosed with DID idk she just gives that vibe. she disagrees with a lot of societal rules but when her kids ask her why some things aren’t okay, she doesn’t know how to explain, so she always pulls the “because it just isn’t”

Angela: i have the most headcanons for her so buckle up. first of all she is adopted and i made an oc who is her older adoptive brother and i’d be more than happy to post about that storyline if anyone is interested. i actually have a whole storyline for her. the reason for her being adopted is of course because she is from hnl right?!? EXACTLY! tattoo removal is a marvel of science. she’s also lesbian but she knows she’s not supposed to be so it freaks her the fuck out and makes her really angry. the mind of an Angela works like this: gets embarrassed easily -> embarrassment causes anger -> gets angry easily -> so that’s where all the temper tantrums come from! also in my head i turned her concussion into a grade 3 one for some reason but because of that i decided her brain don't work right anymore

Eleven: first of all shes bisexual, has a thing for blondes, and has a thing for praise/hates degradation, and she learned all three of these things at the same time. she started making advances on other girls she was acquainted with from a couple of her classes (who she was not worried would slap her) and they freaked out, so she asked Joyce why girls don't like her. Joyce could not properly explain why society hates gay people so she told poor El “because people just don't like it”. El got cranky and then began what would become of a tradition of asking Argyle for life advice, which she now does any time she's confused by something.

Chrissy: chrissy is like 90% straight but she’s definitely willing to experiment, and she doesn’t really value genital preferences over what she perceives to be more important traits like loyalty and responsibility. over time her voice got worse and she talks less due to oesophageal damage, but she can hold a conversation just as well as she used to with her own made-up version of sign language + language flash cards made for little kids. she can still technically talk, but for a while it hurt her to do so and she just got used to not saying anything. not really non verbal but just doesn’t say a lot of words. the road to recovery is long but now she sheds the weight by healthier exercising habits and making her own meals, sometimes with help from Eddie or Jason.

Billy: another one of the characters who i hc as a diddler and unfortunately he is much less kind than Joyce is but he’s not, like… straight up sexually violent, at least not to Max. he only likes older women or younger girls, but nobody in his own age bracket appeals to him. he gets hit by Neil in the ribs a lot which causes him to wheeze right after he wakes up or when he gets tired. he and Max are obviously a thing, im going to include my Max headcanons here right now because i don’t have that many and uhh i want to… so max is aagain bisexual but she’d never date a girl because she thinks it would cause too many problems. she heard from el and will about Angela and she hates her with a passion, but in the storyline i came up with for Angela, she moves in right next to max and they end up meeting and it doesn’t go well. max is fully blind and her eyes are still white, which she’s self conscious of because it freaks people out. she communicates with the world more through touch than she does sound. when she gets intimate with people she likes to put her hands on their face and feel their features.

[cdrcrowdedroom]

“i used to think being a lesbian who was in love with a bi woman just meant “damn i don’t stand a chance against anyone else” but now i see it as “when im hers, that means everyone else in the world couldn’t come close but i did!” like wow

like this is silly this discourse about their validity based on attraction when instead you could be thinking to yourself “that must’ve made things harder to navigate intimately” so when a bi woman gives you their love and trust it really means something

like out of 8 billion people in the world im the one for her? you really can’t believe it’s anything less than love. and to her ill give her everything the world couldn’t so she’d never have to doubt how valid she is in any aspect ever again because she IS the world to me.”

thoughts from my twitter but I wanted to expand on them a bit:

i id’d as bisexual from the ages of 13-18, and there was so much fear into leaning into my lesbianism because of expectations. i didn’t have a friend who fully id’d as gay or lesbian, my brother is gay but when he came out many many years prior it didn’t go well (times have changed now and at least my dad has grown, can’t speak on his mom), and i wasn’t sure how to just, be.

i always knew I was attracted to women, but the fear I had of being fully intimate and in love with one as opposed to being with a man made it easier at the time to just, say I liked both. but when it came to a head that my “attraction” to men came from a place of inauthentic intentions, only to conceal the fact that i loved women, and given that k was about to move far from home anyways, i needed to give myself grace to be who i always knew i was. four years later, i don’t want to be anything other than!

but that’s just me! most of my friends id as bi or queer (like one of my great friends who did ID as a lesbian but just recently came to a new development) , and i think we should give them more grace in general, but especially the women. after falling in love with a bi woman, from her perspective ive come to better understand why so many of them do not feel comfortable sharing it with the world — people want them to have some one-minded way of being! and if all these years later im still navigating my relationships with women, especially as a non-binary lesbian who is still in the process of even fully coming out as such, then who am i to tell anyone how they feel? especially again with these stereotypes in this big year — if they date a woman, they’re a lesbian or fetishized in some way; if they date a man, they’re straight or portrayed as liars. and when they speak on these things, they’re playing “victim”. they can’t win!

why is it so hard to believe? not everyone in the world comes swinging out the gate knowing exactly that their attraction is only for one sex/gender, and figuring that out is a journey in its own. to shoulder the attraction for both sexes with this weight of feeling “invalid” or a sense of unbelonging, personally, is something i doubt anyone just CHOOSES to take on. like who WANTS to be unhappy in love?

and again, i think to be loved by a bisexual woman is a blessing. again, out of EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, im the one for her. already i make it known that there is no one that owns my heart the way she does, but more than anything, i want her to be 1001% comfortable in her identity — identity in attraction, presentation, personality and love.

oh, and this take of bisexual people being more likely to cheat on their partners or not be fully into them is quite arbitrary ? like anyone is capable of doing that, and if you do, regardless of how you ID, you’re just a shitty person! but the unthinkability of cheating in relationships is for another day.

anyways, i hope any of this made sense and bi women, i love you 🫶🏾 you’re wonderful and sexy

[queerlyraging]

hey for people who desperately think their parents or guardians or loved ones opinions won't change their opinion about people being LQBTQ+ and the community as whole and think that their opinions are solidified and set in stone for the rest of their life im here to tell you that's NOT true based on personal experience of my own parents radically changing their POV's, specifically my mother, and my own personal beliefs.

my mother was, like most people raised mormon, incredibly transphobic and homophobic and generally queerphobic for a large majority of her life. as her child, i was also raised mormon and also raised with those same ideals casually crafted into my normal day life: it wasn't malicious, but it was purposeful.

when my older sister came out to me as asexual and bi, i remember feeling confused and hurt and unsure of what i was supposed to feel. my entire life ideals had been challenged at the ripe age of 11, alongside with the potential idea that i could also be queer. i resolved to always love my older sister and respect and support her decisions to be happy, even if i didn't quite understand them or really comprehend what challenges has just been made to by base idea in life.

when my close friend (soon to be best friend) not only came out to me as a lesbian but also extremely excitedly informed me of her upcoming date with another girl at the age of 16, a deep part of me knew at that moment that no matter what happened, i had to change and be supportive of her decisions and how she pursued her happiness - after all, as i looked at my best friend excitedly dancing at the potential of this date, i wondered how it could be as bad as i was taught, and slowly i began to change.

later - i had a few more realizations about myself, and very quietly accepted the idea that i was aromantic, bisexual, and genderfluid, and that it was okay to be those things. it's something i'm still working hard on internalizing - after all, being raised with completely different ideals doesn't disappear in a single day or week or even month. but i began to be accepting of not only others but myself.

my mother was much more strongly homophobic than i ever was, her queerphobia aged like fine wine over the years she had internalized those ideals. she made homophobic comments in passing casually and aired opinions that caused me to be riddled with shame. yet over the years, her own opinion has done a 180. she did her research, saw the signs in her children, and realized she needed to go through her own personal journey as a parent to fully love and accept and support her kids the way she wanted to, and so she did.

if you had told either me or my big sister at the age where we began to realize and reach an understanding of who we were that we would be able to comfortably come out to our mother and not feel rejected, or endangered, or like we were going to face extreme amounts of shame from her, we would have bitterly laughed in your face. and yet yesterday, several months after my big sister came out to my mother about being bisexual and received nothing but support, i looked my mother in the eyes and tearfully told her about my own identities, at my own pace, as my own choice.

and she accepted and supported me for who i was. she knows about me being bisexual, and she loves me still and supports me and wants to know about the girls i've been interested in. she knows about me being genderfluid and nonbinary and accepts me, and asked me what pronouns i preferred, if i had different names i went by, and what i was feeling.

so if my mother, who was raised mormon and casually queerphobic like the best of them, can go from comparing being gay to cancer to letting me talk about how i want to get pride flags and publicly come out and be proud of who i am to the world, then i know people can change. it can be hard, and it is a long journey filled with hurt and anxiety and misunderstanding, but it can happen. and i'm so glad it did.

[nat-stimmy]

SO @keroppi-stims heres my super long explanation on the term bi lesbian if you wanted to rb it for that anon, putting it under a read more bc its LONG

so, to start lets define bi lesbian - which is not as cookie cutter as you might think! mspec lesbian + mspec gay labels are very fluid by nature,and the reasons i identify as a bi gay man may be completely different from the reasons another bi gay man connects with the same label! the bare-bones definition is: someone who identifies with both of the labels “bi” and “lesbian” now that’s not nearly enough information for a lot of people looking into this, especially because these two labels seem at first glance to be contradictory and inherently different this is untrue for a very simple reason (and bear with me here, there’s a bit of binary language used since this was back when the queer community was first finding its footing): lesbian started out to mean a woman attracted to women regardless of any other attraction she may experience as well this means that a woman who was attracted to men and women would have been considered a lesbian, just the same as a woman who was exclusively attracted to other women

you might know this to be what’s now called an Umbrella Term! just like gay is / was, lesbian used to be a broad umbrella term that anyone could identify with now. there was. a certain group of people. that did not like this. they wanted ‘lesbian’ to mean a (cis) woman who was exclusively attracted to other (cis) women. they coined the term ‘gold star lesbian’ to mean someone who only dates and sleeps with other cis women, and then eventually that escalated to them pushing out the people we now would class as mspec! thats why the term bisexual exists, to give them back the sense of community they lost it doesnt take a genius to guess who this group of people are in the modern-day, but i cannot say their names because it WILL attract them to my blog and i dont care to get swarmed by red in my notes! if u know u know anyways, so thats a very very brief and vague history of the term lesbian! i mention this because it’s crucial to understand why people say lesbian is an umbrella term, and why terms like bi lesbian exist and aren’t as Weird as they appear!

now that the history lesson is out of the way, let’s get back to the term itself. there are MANY reasons ive seen that someone might ID as a bi lesbian, and exactly NONE of them are transphobic. funnily enough, most of the mspec lesbians + mspec gays ive seen have been trans, including me!

which, is a GREAT segway into something that too many people overlook in the discourse around bi lesbian and similar terms: multigender people.

when you have multiple genders, sexuality isn’t always as cut-and-dry as it is with monogender people! and as a result, if you want specific, descriptive terms? you gotta mix and match if you’re bigender (example: both male and female) and you are attracted to male and female people, then by definition you are both bi (attracted to two or more genders) AND gay / lesbian (attracted to the same gender) therefore, you might identify strongly with both labels, and decide to ID as bi gay / bi lesbian!

not all mspec lesbians / mspec gays are multigendered, or even trans, and that doesnt make their reasons for IDing with their chosen label Bad or Wrong or anything, i simply bring this example up because not many people even think about multigender people and our resulting experiences with sexuality! note: when i say multigender i’m using it to mean anyone who is not 100% one singular gender for 100% of the time, im including genderfluid people (hi) as well as people who are always two or more genders at the same time for ease of communicating. i’ll even go one step further: all of this? could apply to the labels “straight lesbian” or “straight gay” , which are both valid sexualities!

also to end this super long ramble: every [REDACTED] i’ve come across fucking HATES the terms bi / pan / ply / omni lesbian. you know why? bc they hate anyone who isnt a cis woman attracted to only cis women using the term “lesbian”

it is most certainly NOT one of their “things” i can assure you

i also ramble a little more [HERE] though be warned- it is written in a very angry tone because i was going off on a rude anon

TL;DR: bi lesbian (and its related labels) are most certainly good-faith identities, and the reasons for IDing with it differ from person to person so much that i couldn’t possibly list every reason here