#i want change but its hard to break out of my comfort zone

[akaakeis]

us without me — hinata s.

synopsis :: it's been 4 months since you and shoyo broke up. of course, being the kind person that he is, you ended up still being friends. it just doesn't feel right, having this kind of relationship with him now. his new significant other? that should be you.

wc :: 1.5k

hinata shoyo x gn!reader(?) (2nd person)

cw//notes :: yeah idk if this counts as x reader cause spoiler yall do NOT get together... anyway,, this is my first solid angst fic be kind please and thank u,, angst angst angst,, crying,, occasional cursing,, based off of us without me by grentperez

"hey..." the voice fades out, "... good?" the voice tunes its way in and out of your hearing.

"...hey, you're zoning out, are you okay?"

tears are welled up in your eyes as you snap your head upwards to see two concerned faces looking back at you. shoyo's bright eyes are narrowed as his brows furrow at you. he's worried. the face next to his mirrors his own, looking at you with concern.

"you look out of it. do you wanna use the restroom?" they ask, looking at you tentatively. your eyes drift downwards to their hand, which rests intertwined with shoyo's on the table. right. they're with him now. you offer a hesitant nod, pushing your chair away from the dining table and standing up.

shoyo watches as you and his partner walk off to the restroom. he doesn't know what's going on, and frankly, he's not sure he would fully get it if it was explained to him. in his mind, it had already been 4 months; surely that meant you were completely over him. he doesn't have anything but kindness and platonic love for you— it just wasn't working out, the japan and brazil thing. it was hard to make the time difference work. and the distance.

meanwhile, in the restroom, you start crying. shoyo's partner— hell, you can't even remember their name— panics as you start to cry, frantically trying to comfort you. in frustration, you let out a huff.

"look, i'm fine. you don't need to hang around me and comfort me right now, thanks," you choke out. you gesture to the door of the restroom. maybe you're being mean, but honestly, you can't be bothered to consider that right now. what you would give to be them. for your relationship with shoyo to have never changed. the amount is insurmountable.

they nod slightly, gently patting your shoulder. "sorry, i hope you feel better." with those last words muttered, they exit the restroom, leaving you alone. all the memories have come rushing back to you. 

2 years ago.

"i'm home!" his voice echoes through the apartment. he looks past the entryway, seeing you laying on the couch and watching tv. he kicks off his shoes and joins you on the couch.

1 year ago.

"good morning," he says, his voice still raspy from sleep. his arms find their way around your waist as you stand in front of the stove, making pancakes.

"morning," you reply, smiling at how evident his contentment is in his tone of voice. "you slept late."

he hums. "...yeah, but i'm up now." he laughs softly, lightly squeezing your waist as he hugs you tighter. "let's eat!"

you agree, turning around and handing him a plate of pancakes. "yep, let's go!"

...and then after that,

4 months ago.

"brazil?" you echo him.

he nods excitedly.

"but what about us..?" you ask, looking at him in confusion.

he freezes for a moment, his smile faltering.

"well..." he starts, "i don't know if we would work out if we tried to stay together."

did he really think that your love for him was that shallow? you would go to the ends of the earth for shoyo. you loved him deeply. distance and time zones wouldn't stop you from doing so.

"...you don't even want to try?" your voice breaks, tears welling up in your eyes. "we can make it through this, sho, i know we can," you continue, your voice shaky as you sniffle.

he frowns, taking a step towards you and wiping the tears off of your face with the sleeve of his hoodie. "hey. i just don't want you to feel neglected. we can still be friends... you know i love you, right?"

you pull away from him, quietly nodding. it hurts, knowing that he's doing this because he loves you. what could you even say in response to all of that? you'll always love him, he's your best friend and boyfriend. 

"yeah," you clear your throat, "let's stay friends. when you're in brazil, make sure you call me and tell me what it's like, okay?" you say, forcing a smile onto your face. "i'll help you pack for the flight."

fuck. 

why did you have to remember all of this now? when you're visiting brazil to see shoyo? you're out to dinner with him and his partner— now you remember, their name is eden. even their name is pretty. you can understand why shoyo would like them. they have the aura of the sun— attractive, pretty, kind. what was left to be desired? they looked so good together. they complimented one another perfectly.

was that what you guys looked like?

with a look in the mirror and a quick wiping of your face, you head out of the bathroom. you make your way back to the table, feeling two pairs of eyes on you as you sit back down. you place down a couple bills to pay for your food and then gather your things, getting back up. you put your bag over your shoulder and step to the side of the table.

"sorry, i'm not feeling well. i hope you guys enjoy the rest of dinner. i'm gonna head back to my hotel, if that's okay," you mumble, waving as you walk off to your car.

"wait, wait, are you okay?" shoyo asks, looking at you and frowning.

you smile slightly. "yeah, i'm fine, sho. don't worry. i'm okay."

with that, you leave the restaurant, speeding back to your hotel. the music in your car blares as you whiz past the traffic going in the other direction. you want to go back home, but you're stuck here for two more days.

two more days of this. shit.

you enter the hotel, go up to your floor via the elevator, and go straight to your room. the keycard makes the scanner on your door beep, and the room unlocks. entering the room, you toss your bag onto the small desk by your bed and fall face first onto the mattress. a loud groan can be heard as you lay motionless on top of the comforter. 

the room feels much too quiet without shoyo there. there's no casual chatter of his day, no laughter, no humming. it's dead silent. maybe you made the wrong decision, going back to the hotel to be alone.

the silence is broken by the buzz of your phone: a message from shoyo. it reads hey, are you feeling better now? you left so suddenly :( eden and i are worried about you

you don't bother opening the message, tossing your phone across the room and burying your face back into the bed. oh, to be eden. 

shoyo fell hard and fast for them. you would know, since you were the first person he told. their aura was captivating. they were sweet to everyone they met. and they were so, so pretty. it felt unfair, having to see them and shoyo be so happy together while you were still stuck in the past.

you didn't get it. why would he say you could still be friends? he didn't need you, and this is only keeping you from moving on. you love him, but god was this hard.

as you spiral into these thoughts, tears flow. why did you go to brazil? 

even though you wanted to be in eden's position, it was next to impossible to imagine it. they looked so good with him.

your phone, laying on the other side of the hotel room, rings. sliding off the bed and grabbing it, you lay on the floor and answer the phone, only to hear shoyo's voice come over the line.

"hey, you weren't replying to my messages. i just wanted to make sure you're okay. are you sick?" he asks quickly, his voice laced with concern for you.

you probably should've checked who was calling before picking up, damn it. you let out a soft sigh and reply, "yeah, sorry, sho. i'm fine, thanks for checking on me. i think i may fly home early, though."

"wait what? why?" you can practically feel him frowning through the phone.

"cause... i don't know. i'm feeling homesick," you lie.

"oh," he remarks, his tone sad, "well i hope you have a safe trip back then." he follows this sentence with an old nickname he had for you, making you pause. the memories rush back again, making your eyes brim with tears.

"...thanks, sho. i'll see you some other time."

with that, you end the phone call and buy tickets back home. within 30 minutes, you're all packed and ready to leave for the airport. you drive yourself there, letting the music blast through your car on the way. 

getting through security is shockingly quick, and none of your bags get flagged for inspection. your gate was an easy walk, the terminal being right next to security. you were of the first group to get called onto the plane, too. this was a nice change of pace.

as you sit on the plane, you look out the window at the ground below. you haven't taken off yet. coming to brazil definitely wasn't a good idea, but it was an experience for you... which is good, you guess. maybe one day, you'll be content with only having a friendship with shoyo. for now, though, you needed distance to get over your feelings for him. at least the romantic ones, anyway.

notes ::

⟡ if you're reading this, you are so gorgeous!! don't compare yourself to other people like i wrote for the purpose of this work

⟡ i actually enjoyed writing this it was pretty relaxing for me :)

⟡ tried my best but idk if im the best at writing angst...

⟡ if you wanna read more of my work, check out my masterlist <3

🏷️ :: @chososcamgirl ,, @anqelfries ,, @cheriisae ,, @bakery-anon + @bokukos <3

© akaakeis 2024 all rights reserved. please do not repost, edit, or translate my works on any platform.

[swingingcrab]

Me thinks

[a-d-nox]

pac: mid-year reflection - what have you accomplished and what should you be working on for the rest of the year?

i'm trying something new, a pick a card. take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: what exists before you that you can't see?

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

accomplished: you have fought past a hard time within your family. you broke free from the expectations and control you felt from them - good for you paving your own path!! you are now ready for the next level. continue to recharge and heal mentally as you prepare yourself for what is next. have faith you did the right thing - there is no going back now. continue to seek out inspiration for actions - and acting accordingly to your inspiration. you are steadily working towards achieving something just for yourself. just remember to remain flexible and have some patience for yourself.

still working on: you still have to work on your authority and stability - its not so improved that you can just move on. it's a process. practice being calm despite the chaos - manage your anxiety/stress. trust that you are mature enough to handle yourself and your situation. it's all about confidence, so get in touch with yours. don't be afraid to kick things up a notch. you have to practice stepping outside your comfort zone if you want to see some serious growth. at the same time, it wouldn't hurt you to take a break and take a step back from time to time (don't push yourself - you'll find yourself burnt out). you also have to work on not feeling so stuck - the past is in the past, nothing is guaranteed, fitting in is overrated, you aren't competing with anyone - that is all in your mind, and (this one you might not be ready for) your loneliness is likely self imposed (put yourself out there). take back your power in that regard! take some small steps towards what you truly want and you will feel a whole lot better before 2025.

pile two

accomplished: you have finally stopped putting so much pressure on yourself. it's such a relief! i know you are a perfectionist but it gets exhausting, no? but now you can see it's just not productive to continually compare yourself to others and now you are free. keep happily say "no" while focusing on what truly brings you joy. i feel like it's also a good thing you have lower your bar for yourself. high hopes are good but not to the detriment of your mental health and self-image. delays are okay - it's okay if you're vision is not true to reality; its probably healthier this way so keep reminding yourself that. just keep working and you will get what you need and where you need to be.

still working on: keep working on connecting with your intuition. start reconnecting with your gut - stop relying on others and allowing them to influence you. also it is imperative that you let go of whatever it is that you are clinging to. change only comes when you accept endings. surrendering what is leaving or has left allows for peace and gratitude for what still remains - so stop clinging, surrender, and create space in your life for new things. embrace some spontaneity in your life - something is about to happen and you just need to say "yes" (which sounds crazy when you read the accomplished section but you will know your say "yes" opportunity when you work past your disconnect with your gut). maybe it's travel, maybe a person, etc. say yes, take a chance. ride a wave.

pile three

accomplished: i am very proud of you. i feel like you're saving for something and are being proactive with your finances instead of spending unnecessarily. that or you are feeling a bit more stabilized and secure in a situation that was bothering you earlier in the year. you just have to keep trusting that you have what you need. give some credit to yourself for your hard work. i also feel like you learned something extremely important that really had a profound influence/impact on you these last 6 months. maybe you met someone who is helping you to be wiser about how you live life and appreciate life too. you could also be moving past something that really disappointed you or hurt your feelings. you aren't too hurt by the past to not try again - you have hope once more. your emotions are no longer stagnant or restricted as they once were. keep up the good work!

still working on: you haven't been working on something that you have been planning to - it's time you stop pushing it off and get to work. stop being so frustrated and impatient with yourself due to the lack of progress you are making. be real with yourself and stop procrastinating then you will have no reason to be frustrated. otherwise, it might be time you adjust your expectations. start doing what you love again. hard work, no matter daunting it may be, will pay off when it's something you believe in. hell even if its small bits of progress, it's better than nothing. some progress will improve your spirits. life will get in your way to test how badly you really want something oftentimes. there is something to gain in breaks and stillness - start waiting around when you finally realize what it is.

[coffeewithcocoa]

HIIIIIII OK SO HERE I AM, I wanna ask if maybe you could write like angel x male reader (trans or not up to you) where the reader comforts him maybe after a hard day of work or smthng? My boy needs love and affection😭💗

HERE YOU GO! 🫡

YES ANGEL NEEDS LOVE AND CARE!! I threw a mental breakdown in here:)

Comforting An Angel

Angel Dust x Male Reader

I put male, hope that’s okay!

Summary: You give him comfort after a hard day of work.

(Look at the precious Ange)

——————————————————————

You were waiting in your lovely boyfriend’s, Angel Dusts, room for his return. He told you that he was going to come back late since Valentino wanted to shoot some more stuff with him. Which you understood but you still felt bad for him, especially since his boss is a creep.

You hated Valentino with all your guts. You hated him so much that you would sell your soul so Angel didn’t have to deal with him. He’s told you countless of times though that everything’s fine and that he’s fine, which didn’t make you feel better at all.

After some time of just zoning out and playing with Angels pig, fat nuggets, you got a text from him saying that he just got back and he’s heading to his room. Though you didn’t want to wait anymore so you hopped out of his bed, grabbed Fat Nuggets, and ran straight to the stairs.

Fat nugget oinked at you. “I’m not slowing down!” You told him as if he could talk. When you got halfway there you saw Angel with a liquor bottle in his hand and a tired expression on his face. Your face turned soft as you approached him, letting fat nuggets go and surprise him.

A small gasp left him as he went on his knees and had Nuggs just into his arms. “Awh hi my fat nuggets! How was your day with your other daddy, huh?” His went to a baby voice making you chuckle.

“How was your day Angel?” You gave him a smile. He sighed, grabbing the liquor bottle and standing up. “Stressful.” Your face changed to a softer one, grabbing his hand. “Let’s go to your room and you can talk about it, okay?” He nodded with a weak smile.

The walk back to his room felt quicker when he was actually with you. You opened his room door for him just as a kind act for him. He took a seat on his bed, placing Fat Nuggets In front of him. The liquor bottle being placed on his nightstand.

You took a seat in front of Fat Nuggets, petting him as you looked at Angel. “Could we maybe…cuddle?” He moved his legs so they were to his chest. You nodded, “Of course.” You grabbed Fat Nuggets carefully and sat closer to Angel.

He moved himself so he could easily grab you. Fat Nuggets was in the middle of you guys. “What did Val do this time?” Your voice came out stern.

“He’s into this water boardin’ shit now. He says it’s a kink..” He shrugs, his attention mostly towards Fat Nuggets. “So he’s been drowning you all day?” You rose an eyebrow at him. He nodded, “he gave me some breaks..only around a few seconds.” He tried defending Valentino.

Angel had told you the shit that he does behind closed doors away from the public. It sickens you. “Why’d you sign the contract?” You looked up at him, him doing the same to you. “‘Cause before then I loved him.” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Oh Angel.” Tears flooded his eyes, quickly spilling out as he hugged Fat nuggets tightly. You moved behind him so you could lay on his bed. He moved his head to the crook of your neck.

You hugged him towards your body. “I wish I hadn’t signed that fuckin’ contract.” Angel said between sobs. “I know, it’s okay..shhh.” You gently rubbed his back, giving him kisses on his forehead.

A few minutes later the sobs stopped. You moved yourself back to see his sleeping face. He was hugging a sleeping Fat Nuggets that was in between the both of you. You chuckled as you kissed his damp cheek, “Have a nice rest love.”

With that you closed your eyes and fell asleep with a smile on your face.

———————————————————————

ITS A BIT RUSHED AT THE END IM SORRY😭 Hope you like it though.

Who else hates Valentino?:D

•Have a nice day/night!•

[kakiastro]

The Transformation of Aquarius Chart Rulers

This is how all the aquas are looking right now

Chart ruler- your rising planetary ruler

Ex: if you’re a Capricorn rising. Your ruler is Saturn

Your chart ruler represent YOU. You physically and emotionally embody that planet.

It’s like the Olympics, each planet has its own team players representing them in this lifetime.

If your chart ruler is in the sign of Aquarius then you are here to represent innovation and progress for your team.

Regardless what your rising sign is, if the chart ruler is in Aquarius than you will experience Aquarius themes throughout your life. Your rising is how you maneuver through it.

If you are an Aquarius chart ruler, then YOU are about to go through the biggest transformation in your life. Why? Because of Pluto.

Pluto is the planet of death/rebirth, it tears everything down to ground zero to rebuild something better. It’s time to be better aquas. It will be tough in the beginning, maybe even painful for some. No, I’m instilling fear(which Pluto rules by the way) I’m keeping it real (blame my cap stellium😅) and telling you what you can at least be prepared for. Astrology isn’t love and light, it’s life. It’ll feel like your being stripped naked and may feel very vulnerable at times. There’s is a bright side but it’s up to you to want to embrace it.

Are you going to let the pain get to you or are you going to alchemize it to the best of your ability?

Pluto is fear and it brings up our most uncomfortable emotions to the surface, it’s the boogie man hiding in our closet. Are you going to confront the boogie man or keep letting him mess up your good clothes?

Now for you aquas, your deeper fears is change and vulnerability. Aqua are known as the progressive and innovative sign, it rules society as a whole. However, aqua is one of the fixed signs. This means it’s stubborn and it’s hard to convince them to change their minds and ways. They need so much proof in order to do that and even then. Just like Virgos, y’all are know it alls. Yes, Virgo you’re catching strays too😅jk I love y’all! Now for the vulnerability, Aquarius doesn’t like public display of emotions. Pluto is changing all that, you’ll cry at the sight of a kitten now😅 you are learning it’s okay to release those emotions, you’re learning to be human and no longer like ET.

Here’s the thing, in order to move forward as a collective , we have to break down some walls and that includes our own. It’s not easy at all.

Now, depending on the planetary ruler, the aqua energy will manifest itself differently.

Sun-your ego, soul mission, your light, your public life, creativity, your children

Moon- your private life, family, your inner home, emotions

Mercury-your mind, your communication, your car, your siblings, health, pets, daily routine, your job

Mars- your physical body, motivation and action, stamina, sexuality/sex

Venus- your relationship(s), financials, your possessions, self worth, beauty, your voice, comfort zone, wife

Jupiter- your faith, your philosophical beliefs and ideals, husband, your luck, traveling, cultures

Saturn- your responsibilities , obstacles, your long term lessons, grandparents, Career, parenting

Uranus- oh hunny, you’re really representing aqua here lol, all things progressive, shocking, unpredictable

Neptune- spiritually, creativity, subconscious, collective, hospitals, prisons, water

I’ll make a separate post in detail of the different planetary rulers if you want? Let me know yall!

There’s no need to put Pluto because nobody alive right now except the babies that’s being born and created has a Pluto Aquarius lol

I do have my predictions about Generation Beta but I want to wait and see how this Pluto transit starts to play out in a few more years. This transit is 20 years so this is a huge generation.

Talk to your fellow Saturn big sibling Capricorn, they been through it, including me who has both placements lol

I promise, the growth is worth it though yall! Hang on y’all! Hold the line!

Reading are open!

[laurenairay]

I need your hands on me, sweet relief - Q. Hughes

Summary: After another disappointing season, Quinn Hughes needs a change of scenery. Renée Moreau is just trying to figure her life out.

Also known as, the Summer in Provence.

Words: 12k

Warnings: angst, fluff, self-doubt, some bad language, hinted intimacy

A/N: Quinn has really sunk his hooks into me this off-season so I knew I had to write something for him! Provence is on my list of places to visit, so this research was really fun to do.

Title from Pretty Please, by Dua Lipa

~~~

Quinn was tired. No, he was exhausted. Every year it had been the same thing – play so hard all season, push his body to the limits, his team forcing themselves to breaking point, only to never make it into the playoffs. With the Canucks not reaching the playoffs for eight years in a row now, despite him only being on the team for half of that, the pressure was starting to take its toll.

He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

Something needed to change, anything, before the repeated devastation broke him entirely. It felt stupid being only 23 years old and feeling so weary, but he had to do something. He had to do something to break himself out of this cycle, mentally if nothing else. If nothing changed within him, how could he expect anything to change for the team?

By the time locker clean-out day came around, Quinn was at the end of his tether. It wasn’t uncharacteristic of him to stay quiet, he knew that, so he escaped from half-hearted conversation with a promise to attend one last team event, a goodbye barbecue, before everyone went their own ways for the summer. By the time he’d driven himself home to shower off the stink of failure, Quinn had formed a vague plan for what he wanted to do.

He was going to go on vacation. By himself. For at least two weeks.

It was completely out of his comfort zone, completely different to his usual summer routine, but the more he thought about it as he scrubbed the shampoo out of his hair, the more he was convinced. He needed a break. He needed a holiday. Now, he just needed to figure out where.

Somewhere in Canada? No, that was the last thing he needed after the crash of the season. Again. Somewhere in the US? Even more of a no, with the playoffs in full swing. So somewhere abroad? Maybe…somewhere in Europe? The continent was big enough for him to hide in for a couple of weeks right?

The only thing he could think of to do was to pull up a map of Europe on his laptop the moment he got out the shower, close his eyes and have a pointed finger land on a country. Surely he could narrow it down from there, even as dumb as he felt picking a destination this way in the first place. At this point he couldn’t back out though, the desperation fuelling him, so Quinn followed his ridiculous plan – he pulled up the map, closed his eyes, took a deep breath…and placed his finger on the screen.

France.

Okay, France was good. It was a good option, plenty of different cities all across the country. One of them would work for him to unwind in, right? Somehow, he already felt lighter, just from knowing he had a vague destination. Was it really this easy? Why had he not done this before?

Before he knew it, he was spiralling down a rabbit hole of articles - ‘places to visit in France’, ‘3 months backpacking across Europe – must-see sights’, ‘gap year in France’ to name a few – and his eyes kept catching on a name. Provence. And the more he looked into the region, the more he fell in love with its beauty; it had everything from wine tasting to lavender fields to historical towns, and he could almost guarantee that no-one would know who he was. Perfect. Narrowing things down from Europe to France to Provence...and he eventually settled on an ancient medieval town right on the river Rhône, called Avignon. It looked so idyllic, and full of things to do (as well as close distance to plenty of other things to do). Something in his bones was telling him this was the place. This was it, the place where he could disappear to for two weeks to reset and refresh from the season.

And it wasn’t hard to get to either – it almost felt a little too easy. Quinn wasn’t used to things just falling into his lap like this, like it was too good to be true. A 13-hour flight from Detroit to Lyon, and then an hour by train from Lyon to Avignon? And a pretty little apartment in the centre of Avignon for far less than he’d been expecting? It was all there in front of him, timings and pricings included – could he really just book it and disappear for a couple of weeks?

What was holding him back?

Before he could chicken out, Quinn filled in his payment details for the flights, clicking through all the submission pages until a booking confirmation was in front of him, and he let out a shaky breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. There was no going back now. He quickly booked the apartment too, making sure the dates and timings lined up, and once he had that confirmation page in front of him, he found himself laughing a little incredulously.

He'd done it. He’d really done it. He was going to Avignon in Provence, France, for the first two weeks of May and there was nothing that was going to stop him.

For the first time in as long as he could remember, Quinn felt free.

~~~

It took Quinn all of his willpower not to spill his plans to his family while he waited out the month before his trip arrived, not telling any of the Canucks either at the end of season barbecue. It helped that Jack (and his team) were in the first round of the playoffs and thriving, easy to pour his focus into supporting his brother there, his family’s full attention on his little brother just as he deserved.

There was just something in his gut telling him to keep quiet. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to distract from Jack’s playoffs, but he knew deep down that he just didn’t want anyone to worry. Because they would. Taking a trip so far away just to change things up? No-one would understand. They’d just fuss and stress and make Quinn feel worse than he already did – so he just didn’t say anything. Maybe it was a little selfish, but he didn’t care.

After a hockey season like he’d had, he just didn’t care.

It was easy enough to pack a suitcase without anyone noticing either, easy enough to have it waiting by his bedroom door with his passport tucked into a rucksack along with a couple of books he’d been meaning to read for a while, easy enough to call a taxi to take him to Detroit airport early in the morning before anyone in the house was awake.

It wasn’t until that he’d checked in and dropped off his suitcase, until he’d walked through security and gotten himself a much-needed coffee, that he pulled out his phone and opened up his family group chat.

From: Quinn Just wanted to let you all know that I’m heading off to France for a vacation. I’ll be gone for two weeks. Best of luck in the second round of the playoffs Jacky!

From: Luke Wait, what? Tell me you’re joking. Mom did you know?

With that, he put his phone on airplane mode, not daring to wait for any more messages to come through. The fact that Luke was awake this early was bad enough. It was the coward’s way out, he knew that, but at least he told them all, right?

With a sigh, Quinn tucked his phone into his rucksack, alongside the travel adapter for his charging cable he’d had to buy moments ago, and pulled out one of his books, sinking deeper into his chair. Only 30 minutes until his flight would be called – the sooner the better.

The rest of Quinn’s journey faded into a blur. Going to the gate. Boarding the plane. Taking off. Eating. Watching a movie. Eating again. Reading his book. Taking a nap. One final snack before landing. Waiting for his suitcase. The train journey to Avignon. The taxi to his apartment, not being awake enough to do anything other than show the driver the address he’d saved on his phone.

By the time Quinn collected the key from the dropbox and stumbled into the apartment, it was all he could do to dump his suitcase in the living room and kick off his clothes ahead of faceplanting into the bed, jet lag dragging him down into a deep sleep with a smile on his face.

He’d made it to France. Provence. Avignon. He could finally rest.

~~~

Renée Moreau felt like she was at a standstill. She’d followed all the steps in the playbook – worked hard in high school, gone to college, graduated with a degree in Communications from the University of Ottawa – but now she was at a loss. There was no rulebook for what to do when you reach adulthood, other than the societal expectations to get a job, settle down, get married, have a family. But she was only 23 years old and single as hell – there would be no marriage and babies happening any time soon, of that she was certain, and as for getting a job? She just didn’t know what she wanted. She didn’t know what would make her happy.

She was at a standstill. She was lost.

Sure, Renée had worked a couple of odd temp jobs after coming home to Montreal but nothing that resonated with her, much to her parents’ dismay. She loved them – truly she did – but their expectations for her future didn’t line up with her own in her current stage in life, and she knew that seeing her get more and more run down with each job that didn’t feel right only made things harder. It got to the point, after 9 months, where her parents suggested that they could pay for her to take a three-month travel break to Europe on the condition that she would work for her father’s company when she returned. It felt like an easy way out, something she’d desperately tried to avoid…but after the past 9 months, she knew she needed to do something.

So she’d agreed, much to her parents’ elation.

Renée decided on France, in the end. It was her first language after all, having grown up in Ville-Marie in Montreal, and after a bit of serious research with her parents she’d made a rough plan, starting with Paris.

Her parents paid for her 90-day Schengen visa, bought her plane tickets and paid for all her accommodation as belated graduation presents and her birthday present combined, but she would pay for all food and excursions & activities out of her savings from the various jobs she’d worked since graduating. She knew she was privileged, more so than a lot of her friends, let alone the strangers she’d met on her travels, so she knew she couldn’t take her time away for granted.

Like most things, it turned out her parents were right. The trip away, travelling around France, was exactly what she needed.

For her first month, March, she travelled around exclusively by trains. Her first full week was spent in Paris, the perfect start to her trip to soak in all the culture and history, and then after that she went to Rennes for five days, then Poitiers for five days, then Saint-Jean for five days, and finally Bordeaux for a full week.

In the last few days of March, Renée hired a car to drive to Lyon, staying there for a full week to take her into April, and then on to Toulouse for five days. Next, she drove down to the southern coast, visiting Narbonne for three days, Beziers for three days, Montpellier for five days, Marseille for five days, and Nice for five days, before finally heading to Avignon. Within her first two days there, she’d quickly fallen in love with the medieval town, so had decided to stay for her entire last month. Her parents found her an apartment that would let her stay for the full 30 days, so while she was based in Avignon, she kept that hire car and planned to travel around to different places within Provence, to get the full experience.

It was hard to believe she only had one month left before she had to head home to Montreal.

Still, she knew there was something different about Avignon, something that drew her in, something that was telling her to spend her time there – so she was following her gut, just waiting for the universe to give her a sign.

And on the first of May, everything changed.

Renée was on her way back up to her apartment after picking up a few breakfast items from the local bakery, the old lady Vivienne who ran the place having given her a couple extra croissants with a sweet smile, only to see a stranger walking down the corridor towards her. He was tall, maybe 5ft 10, with fairly broad shoulders and toned arms. His dark hair was fluffy and unkempt, his pale skin a little unnatural with its purple bags under his eyes, and he barely looked conscious. Out of instinct, she held her bag a little tighter to her chest, even though he looked a little lost rather than intimidating. But still…she simply smiled politely, hoping that this wouldn’t end badly.

“Good morning. Are you new to the building?”

The man blinked sleepily at her, silent for a moment, before he shook his head.

“I’m sorry, I don’t speak much French. Do you speak English?”

She huffed out a laugh, her nerves fading a little. American. She could recognise the accent easily, different from her own French-Canadian, even if he was slightly slurred with sleep. “I do speak English. Are you…lost?”

He looked confused for a moment. “No?”

“I originally asked if you are new to the building,” she added.

“Oh, yes, I rented out that apartment for two weeks. Only arrived last night and I am super jetlagged, so I’m sorry if I’m a little loopy?” he said, smiling sheepishly.

Bless his heart. That explained a lot.

“I’m Renée, I’m staying in the apartment next door,” she said, holding her hand out.

He smiled warmly at her as he shook her offered hand, a sweetness that sent unexpected butterflies roaring through her stomach.

“Quinn. Sorry if I startled you. I promise I’m not this weird when I’m fully functioning,” he said, still smiling.

She couldn’t help but laugh at his self-deprecation, shaking her head.

“Don’t worry about it. I just want to check though…are you heading out to get breakfast?”

“Uh, yeah, I was planning on it – why?” he asked, confused.

“Not a lot of stores in Avignon speak a lot of English, at least not near us right now, so you might want to wait to venture out until you’re properly awake,” she teased.

Quinn blushed slightly, even as he groaned.

“Ah shit, I didn’t think of that,” he admitted, his smile shifting to a wry one.

She hesitated for a moment, before steeling herself. If her trip across France in the past two months had told her anything, it was to follow her gut instincts.

“Do you want to come into my apartment for breakfast? I have extra croissants, a bunch of different jams, and plenty of orange juice?” she offered.

His lips parted in surprise before his cheeks coloured again. Interesting. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” she mused, nodding, “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t, and we’re going to be neighbours for a little while at least, right?”

“Right.”

Renée opened her front door, Quinn following her in, closing the door behind himself gently. She smiled to herself as he curiously took in the apartment, probably no different than his other than the positioning of furniture, so she left him to look around while she unloaded four croissants from the bag and pulled out a few options of jam as well as the fresh butter in the butter dish she’d bought (that was definitely coming home with her). She gestured wordlessly for Quinn to sit at the breakfast island as she started loading the counter space in front of him, pulling out two plates, a butter knife as well as a few jam knives, and then finally the orange juice and a couple of glasses. It wasn’t much, nor had she entertained anyone other than herself in the couple days she’d been in Avignon, but it was perfect for her.

“Please dig in. It’s humble but it’s tasty, I promise,” Renée said, smiling.

Quinn just nodded shyly, reaching for a croissant. She tried not to watch him as she prepared her own breakfast, but it was hard not to enjoy the pure joy on his face at his face bite of buttery croissant, her smile catching his attention.

“Sorry, it’s just so good,” he mumbled.

“Definitely don’t apologise,” she laughed, shaking her head, “I’m sure I made the same face when I had my first croissant here. And if you think this is good – wait until you try the fresh bread. You’ll never eat processed cut loaves back home again.”

Quinn just groaned, taking another bite, making her laugh softly. She could appreciate a guy who appreciated good food.

“I think I’m going to really enjoy staying here for two weeks,” he finally said, after he’d eaten one half of his croissant.

“Two weeks huh? That’s a pretty decent amount of time to spend. What’s brought you out here then?” she asked.

Sue her, but she was curious. The exhaustion wasn’t just showing in his body – it was in his eyes too. Was he running from something?

“It’s just been a really hard year. With work, mostly. I haven’t had a proper break and I really needed one, so I pointed to a map, chose France, and spiralled down an internet rabbit hole until I settled on Avignon. It seemed like a good place to unwind and rest, at least for a couple of weeks. One of my best friends is getting married in July, so I wanted to be in a better place, mentally at least, before then,” he explained.

That definitely wasn’t the whole story, she could tell, but it was more than enough to explain the basics at least. She could understand wanting to get away from everything to reset at least.

“I’m sorry that everything’s been really difficult, but I promise you that Avignon is a great place for a vacation break. I haven’t been here long but I’m already feeling great,” she said firmly.

“Well if it’s any different than Vancouver, then I’ll be happy,” he mused.

Vancouver?

She could’ve sworn his accent was American.

Oh wait.

Oh.

Quinn.

Vancouver.

The year had been really hard for him.

You can take a girl out of Canada but you can’t take Canada out of the girl. She knew exactly who he was – Quinn Hughes, star defenceman of the Vancouver Canucks. How could she not have realised who he was?

But clearly, he was in Avignon to escape everything, to take a break from his real life and rest. She couldn’t tell him that she knew who he was, at least not right now. He deserved a little time at least to recover from the Canucks terrible season, and she could absolutely give that to him.

“Do you want me to show you around Avignon today and tomorrow? Show you the basics of our little neighbourhood like groceries and coffee shops and restaurants, as well as the tourist sites?”

“Oh I couldn’t impose,” he said quickly.

“Quinn, I’m offering because I’m happy to, I promise. Besides, you said you don’t speak much French and you might need the help, at least for the local parts,” she said, teasing a little at the end.

He blushed lightly before huffing out a laugh. “Alright, if you’re sure. I would love the guide help.”

“Great, it’s a plan! Now, please have another croissant and try another jam flavour. You won’t regret it.”

~~~

For the rest of his first day in Avignon, Quinn blearily followed Renée around, letting her help him pick up basic groceries to get him started as well as heading to a coffee shop to clear some of the fuzziness out of his head. They sat and talked for hours at the coffee shop, sitting outside on the edge of a square, just letting the sights and sounds flow over him, listening to Renée’s interesting stories about the neighbourhood.

He didn’t know if it was still the jetlag or not, but the fact that a girl as beautiful as her was paying attention to him was exactly what he needed in that moment. Her blonde curls were bouncy and shined like liquid gold in the midday sun. Her big brown eyes were almost doll-like, captivating and full of emotion. Her smile was entrancing, her laugh was like music to his ears, and she had curves for days that were simply mouthwatering. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had captured his attention like this, especially not this quickly, but after all this season had been, to have this girl willing to spend time with him? It was everything.

Quinn was still suffering with jetlag pretty badly though, which Renée noticed and clearly took pity on him for, because she kept the rest of their day pretty light, mostly just walking him around the neighbourhood, showing him roughly where the main sights were ahead of a bigger day tomorrow. Which…she still wanted to spend time with him after a day of him being pretty useless other than happily basking in her conversation? Mind blowing.

The little local restaurant that she’d taken him to that night was just the cherry on top of an incredible first day.

Just like she’d promised, Renée had ramped up activities for his second day in Avignon. He’d put up a token protest at first, not wanting her to waste time with him when she had her own vacation to enjoy, but she’d insisted that she wanted to do the touristy things too. That, and he could ‘pay her back’ for translating everything by taking some cute photos of her rather than her having to rely on selfies to send to her family.

He'd blushed, obviously, but agreed quickly. It was hardly a hardship to take a few photos of her, especially when they would all be cute.

Renée ended up taking the two of them on a basic tour of some of the main sights on Avignon. The first being the Palais des Papes fortress, which he’d read about before his trip and was actually excited to explore, even more so when Renée told him that on summer evenings there was an impressive light show there that explained the history of Avignon (which the two of them ended up attending that very evening after dinner in the little local restaurant again, with a flask of spiked hot chocolate). She’d also taken him to the Pont d’Avignon, a beautiful medieval bridge where only four arches survived. After stopping for lunch in a little café, the two of them had wandered around the flower market and farmer’s market at Place des Carmes – not buying anything but just taking in the sights and people watching, soaking in the atmosphere.

In the afternoon, she’d driven the two of them 30 minutes away to visit the Roman Pont du Gard – a UNESCO World Heritage site for a beautiful ancient Roman aqueduct bridge, where he’d taken way too many photos…and Renée had even taken a couple of him in various poses.

For the memories, she’d insisted.

How could he refuse?

Day three found them a little more chilled out. Renée liked to keep a balance, apparently, of chilled days and packing in touristy activities, which Quinn was more than happy to indulge in if it meant spending more time with her. It felt a little silly to be focusing his time around someone he’d only just met, but there was just something about her. Something that made him want to spend time with her rather than isolating himself. And it wasn’t like he’d set out with much of a plan other than getting away from everything back home.

The main thing they did on his third day was walking around the flea market in Place des Carmes, the same place that the flower and farmer’s markets were in the day before, before sitting in the square afterwards in coffee shop to watch the world go by. It was exactly what he needed after the intense day that yesterday had been, and it just gave him more of an excuse to get to know her a little better, even volunteering a little information about himself as well. Not much, but still a little, enough to make her smile at least.

On their way back to their apartments, Renée had insisted on picking up groceries for dinner, promising to cook for him (which he was never going to say no to), as well as taking him in a couple of little trinket stores she’d found on her own first day, some of which he knew he’d be returning to for gifts to take back home. But that wasn’t something he was letting himself think about right now – home. Right now, all he wanted to do was focus on the beautiful girl next to him, so full of joy and wonder and excitement, soaking in her energy.

She’d cooked him a grilled fish dish, paired with sautéed vegetables and potatoes, inspired by one of the restaurants she’d eaten at in Marseille. It was incredible, the best fish he’d ever eaten and he wasn’t even exaggerating – she blushed all the same when he complimented her cooking though, brushing herself off as amateur. If he could pick up even a little of her sense of adventure, he knew he’d be all the better for it.

When they were sitting on her sofa, dishes rinsed and in the sink, both sipping on a glass of wine, Quinn felt like he’d been transported to another world. Finding peace and comfort this quickly on a trip that he’d booked on a whim? It was the last thing he’d been expecting.

“You know, you already look a little lighter,” Renée said, breaking their comfortable silence.

“I feel it. My…job really can be so stressful. I hadn’t realised it was this bad though,” he admitted.

Renée seemed to hesitate slightly before smiling. “I can imagine the hockey season is draining.”

The hockey season. She knew. Oh fuck, she knew who he was? He found himself freezing, no idea what his face was doing but it was enough for Renée to wince.

“I’m not French. At least, I’m not from France. I’m from Montreal, born and raised,” she admitted, nerves all over her face now, “I swear I’m not going to post on social media about you or even tell anyone about you. Your reasons for taking a break are yours and yours alone.”

Quinn let out a shaky breath, trying to smile but he clearly failed because Renée pulled out her phone with a determined look.

“Here, my Instagram. And I can show you facebook too. I don’t have whatever the hell twitter is now and I never have done. I haven’t posted about you and I won’t, I promise. I’m not lying,” she said firmly.

Quinn took the offered phone, scrolling a little through her Instagram posts, noting that there hadn’t been anything posted since they’d met three days ago. He still felt a little shaky but the fact that she went out of her way to prove to him, to reassure him…it helped, a little.

“Thank you for your honesty,” he murmured.

“I didn’t realise straight away. Not until you mentioned Vancouver,” she added.

Well that was something at least.

“I was so sure that no-one would recognise me this far away from home,” he said softly.

She winced again, before smiling sadly.

“If you want, we can go our separate ways and you don’t have to see me again for the whole two weeks you’re here. I don’t want to ruin your time away. That’s literally the last thing I want.”

The full two weeks without seeing her? Something about that sat badly in his stomach, sinking like a stone, and he found himself shaking his head.

“No. No I don’t want that. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, not judging me for being a hot mess, and I believe you when you say that you won’t tell anyone I’m here. My parents and brothers know I’m in France but that’s literally it. Anyone else that wants to know where I am can ask them,” Quinn explained, “I’m enjoying spending time with you, if you don’t mind spending it with me.”

“Alright, if you’re sure. Because I’m definitely enjoying spending time with you,” she said, her smile a little shy now.

For some reason, her shyness made his breath hitch in his chest, enough for him to need to cough it away.

“I’m sure. I’m pretty sure my French isn’t up to the task anyway,” he said, trying to shift the tone of conversation a little, to ease the tension he felt creeping up his neck.

Renée just laughed, making him blush slightly. That was better, even if it was at his expense.

“Your bakery order this morning wasn’t half bad! You’ll get there,” she teased, “Was there anything in particular that you wanted to see or do while you’re here?”

“The only thing I’d really read about that we haven’t seen is the lavender fields?” he suggested.

Renée grinned and nodded, making him smile. “There’s beautiful lavender fields in Sault that I was hoping to go to. Maybe we could go together?”

Quinn nodded in response, his body sinking into the sofa, releasing tension he hadn’t realised he was holding. She knew who he was...and the world hadn’t ended. She still wanted to spend time with him. He still got to spend time with her. Was this a dream? It felt like a dream.

“I definitely want to do a wine tour of some kind. There’s so many vineyards around here it would be silly not to. And I kind of wanted to do a day trip to Arles, maybe another to Aix-en-Provence, but there’s also the Musée de Petit Palais here in Avignon that I haven’t been to yet which is meant to be beautiful? It’s another UNESCO World Heritage Site, and I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy it too?”

Quinn just took another sip of his wine, allowing her enthusiastic words to wash over him. Whatever she wanted to do, he was here for it. And he couldn’t wait.

~~~

Renée felt like she was floating through a dream. She’d honestly expected Quinn to want nothing to do with her after she admitted knowing who he was, but the fact that he was still willing to spend time with her? To indulge her in all the things she wanted to visit just because he didn’t really have much of a plan himself? Well she was absolutely going to take advantage of that, if it meant spending a little more time with the cutest boy she’d ever met.

For day four of Quinn’s trip, she took him on a Rhône Valley wine tour, just as she’d promised, the two of the tasting all different wines including Châteauneuf-du-Pape, Rasteau, Gigondas, Vacqueyras, Cairanne, Tavel, Lirac, Visan, Sablet and Séguret, across four leading wine estates. It was a long day, long and so much fun, with only two couples joining them on the tour, so they’d had plenty of private time together to enjoy the day as well as pick up a couple of bottles to bring back to the apartment as well as a couple of bottles for home. The two of them had stumbled back to his apartment, barely remembering to pick up some bread and cheese to soak up some of the alcohol, which they’d decimated before passing out on his sofa.

Waking up on day five snuggled into Quinn’s side had been worth the hangover.

The two of them had agreed to keep the day as a quiet one, Renée having volunteered to go out to pick them up fresh bread and fruit and coffee after they’d both showered, spending most the morning reading in a comfortable silence before they ventured out for coffee in the same square as their first day, getting to know each other even more now that he could be more open with her. The two of them traed stories of ridiculous friends and hangovers of time past, before heading back to the little local restaurant they’d been to a couple of times already for dinner again, not wanting to break the happy chilled vibe they’d managed to curate over the day.

On day six, Quinn had surprised her with a trip out to the village of Gordes (with her driving, of course), to a spa day in the Airelles Spa. He’d apparently already booked all their treatments, paying the moment they arrived, and considering how fancy the place was, Renée couldn’t even imagine how much money he’d spent on her. But he’d stayed firm in his decision, a streak of confidence that sent her heartbeat fluttering just that little bit faster. It was a side of him she hadn’t seen before, but if he wanted to treat her to a day of relaxation, she wasn’t going to complain.

Alongside the typical swimming pool and steam room, both of them had a neck, shoulders and scalp massage, followed by a thermal mud mineral wrap, and finishing off with a ‘golden glow’ facial. It was honestly the most relaxed Renée had ever felt, but the fact that she did all of this alongside Quinn? With him looking like years of stress had been lifted off of him? She barely had the words to describe it. It didn’t help that he spent the day in bathing shorts and her in a one-piece swimming costume – his toned torso was distracting enough. The spa itself wasn’t that busy at all, so the two of them had essentially the whole place to themselves most the time, and Renée felt like she’d grown closer to him throughout the day more than she ever had to any friend, let alone any guy. It was a personal intimacy, to spend such time in platonic closeness, leaving her a bit overwhelmed with the whole situation, if she was being honest.

Quinn’s pleased smile while they had an early dinner in the village of Gordes kept her quiet though. If he was happy, she was happy.

It was on day seven that everything changed.

The two of them had strolled along the Rhône river in the morning with a cup of coffee each, taking in the scenery and taking their time, heading to the jardin du Rocher des Doms for a picnic. Quinn had brought along one of their bottles of wine from their wine tour, and they’d picked up a second bottle alongside some water, fresh bread, sharp cheese, grapes and strawberries, as well as a couple of chocolate studded pastries from the bakery, all carefully placed into Quinn’s rucksack with a blanket from Renée’s sofa. The two of them settled on a vacant patch of grass away from most other groups, giving them the illusion of privacy, Quinn pouring them a glass of their wine before raising his glass in a toast.

“To the most amazing holiday of my life. To meeting an amazing new friend. To another week of this bliss.”

Renée blushed lightly but clinked her glass against his, taking a sip of the wine that instantly sent her back to the day of their tour with its smooth taste. She cleared her throat, shaking her head to bring her back to the present, smiling at Quinn’s confused look.

“It’s nothing. Shall we eat?”

And the two of them did, a bite at a time, soft bread with sharp cheese with refreshing grapes, saving the strawberries and pastries for dessert, talking for the several hours it took them to finish all the food while they basked in the sunshine and light breeze, long enough to finish both bottles of wine as well. Long enough that Renée felt a little light-headed from the alcohol and the company, Quinn’s soft sweet eyes making her head swirl.

She must’ve stayed silent, caught in his gaze, for long enough that Quinn stopped talking too, staring at her eyes in confusion before his gaze flicked down to her mouth. Her breath hitched in her throat, Quinn’s lips parting in a shaky breath…before he leaned over and kissed her, a gentle hand cupping her face.

And then he quickly pulled away, eyes wide in a panic.

“Fuck, Renée, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…well, I did, but-”

Renée pressed a finger to his lips to stop his rambling, let out a shaky breath of her own. Quinn just froze, eyes still wide in panic, not daring to move.

“You kissed me. Why?” she managed to say, before removing her finger, feeling the phantom presence of his lips on her skin.

His tongue darted out to wet his lips before he huffed out a laugh.

“Because I wanted to? Because you’re beautiful and hilarious and so cool and it seemed like a good idea at the time?”

Oh wow. That…wasn’t what she was expecting. He thought she was beautiful?

“You think I’m beautiful?” she murmured.

“Yeah, I do.”

It was all Renée could do to lean forward and kiss him again. Quinn made a soft noise of surprise but didn’t hesitate to kiss her back, his hand sliding across her cheek to cup her cheek again. The kisses stayed soft and slow and sweet, only a hint of tongue, but they sent electricity thrumming through Renée’s veins all the same. Never had such an innocent embrace set her heart racing like this. Never. Never had such a sweet boy kissed her so sweetly.

She didn’t know how long they spent kissing, time losing all meaning as she lost herself in his lips, both of them breathless by the time she pulled away.

“Wow,” was all she could murmur, Quinn’s lips looking as swollen as hers felt.

Quinn just laughed, breathless and carefree, making her dart forward to press one last lingering kiss to his lips, earning a soft moan of protest from him when she sat backwards.

“We could, um…”

She trailed off, rubbing the back of her neck, feeling uncharacteristically awkward. He just smiled softly at her.

“We could what?” he prompted.

Her cheeks flushed with a light blush, feeling bold with her thoughts.

“I really liked kissing you. And I know we’ve only known each other a week…but we could fool around no strings for your last week here? There’s no harm in it, right? A little summer vacation fling?”

The moment the words left her lips, she felt mortified. She’d never even thought about doing something like this before, let alone suggesting it, and the fact that Quinn looked stunned didn’t help her feel any better about acting like a floozy.

“Yes.”

His breathy confirmation brought her out of her thoughts, and a smile spread across her face before she could stop herself.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Quinn nodded, smiling back at her. “You’re right, there’s no harm in it. I really liked kissing you too.”

Well that was all she needed to hear. Renée leaned forward again, sliding her hand into his hair this time, letting the feeling of his curls between her fingers ground her as she kissed him slowly, unable to stop herself smiling as Quinn kissed her back with a happy sigh.

And that was how they spent the rest of their afternoon, shifting between slow kisses and sweet conversation, sipping the water they’d brought along too, before they eventually headed back to their apartments, changing quickly before heading out to dinner in the little local restaurant they’d been to most nights now, holding hands the entire walk. It felt a little surreal, if she was being honest, that a guy as cute as Quinn was happy to fool around with her when he could have anyone else he wanted. But there was no way she was taking back her crazy proposition now, not if she could have just a little bit of him before he left in seven days.

Spending a couple of hours making out on his sofa before she went back to her own apartment to sleep was the perfect way to end a perfect day.

~~~

He couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Not when she left his apartment last night after they made out for hours on his sofa, soft and sweet shifting to heated and intense. Not when he tried to sleep but couldn’t get the thought of the way her body felt straddling his waist, his hands desperate to move from where he’d planted them on her waist. Not when he woke up hard as a rock, needing no more than a few moments and a gasp of her name before he was dizzy all over again.

The moment that Renée’s surprising suggestion had reached his ears, he’d felt like he was in an alternative dimension. Things like this didn’t happen to him. Not in real life. Not to him.

And yet here he was, sitting beside her while she drove them out to Arles for a day trip, lips still buzzing where she’d kissed him good morning and passed him a cup of fresh coffee.

But it wasn’t just the physical aspects of it all that was consuming him, as incredible as it all was. He was falling for her, fast. He wasn’t stupid, as much as the hockey player stereotype usually proved. He knew enough about himself to know that Renée was exactly his type – beautiful, funny, smart, and so full of a genuine happy energy. Loved trying new things. Found the little stories of everything fascinating. Had excellent taste in wine. Was an amazing cook. Had a laugh that made his heartbeat race. It was insane how much he already liked her, and it felt stupid the more he thought about because he’d only known her a week. Just one week, seven days, and she had him caught hook, line, and sinker. He still wasn’t sure how he was lucky enough that she was even interested in fooling around with him but he wasn’t going to waste this opportunity, as much as it was probably going to break his heart when he went back home.

But if this morning’s kiss was anything to go by, with the way that he was still floating on air right now, maybe it was exactly what he needed after all.

It only took 45 minutes for them to drive to Arles, Renée finding parking easily with the mid-week calm.

They headed straight to the Arènes d'Arles, the Roman amphitheatre, taking a tour of the incredible two tier structure as well as taking a bunch of photo of each other – as well as a couple of selfies for their own personal stashes. Unfortunately there wasn’t a concert that night – which, if he’d known there were concerts here, he would’ve planned better – and the bullfighting wasn’t on either, but it was still incredible to wander about the 2,500 year history.

The two of them also headed on the Van Gogh walk, Quinn having no idea that the artist had actually lived in Arles for 16 months in the late 19th century. What was incredibly endearing was Renée’s enthusiasm for spotting the locations referenced in his art work, including the Quai du Rhône for the starry night, and Lamartine Square for the yellow house. The walk took them several hours but by the time they’d reached the end of it, Renée was practically giddy, and that alone was worth it for Quinn.

After a lunch stop, the two of them headed to the Cloître Saint-Trophime, another incredible UNESCO World Heritage Site, exploring the cathedral and grounds at their usual easy pace, snapping a few photos – until an older lady approached them with a smile.

“Vous êtes un beau couple. Tu veux que je prenne une photo?”

Renée immediately blushed but nodded, handing her phone over. Quinn just looked at her, curiously.

“She says we’re a beautiful couple and asked if we would like a photo.”

Oh wow. He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips, sliding his arm over Renée’s shoulders as she wrapped an arm around his waist, leaning into his body as the lady snapped a couple of photos of them. She returned Renée’s phone with an indulgent smile, Renée murmuring a soft merci beaucoup in thanks, and Quinn wasted no time in throwing an arm over her shoulder again to see her phone screen.

The first photo took his breath away, with how easy they looked together. The old lady was right – they did look like a beautiful couple.

“You look so happy,” Renée said softly, smiling up at him.

“I am happy,” he said honestly.

Her cheeks flushed and she quickly looked back down at her phone, but he knew that she was smiling.

“I promise not to post it anywhere,” she said quickly.

Because there was no denying that this wasn’t just friendship in that photo.

“Okay, sure. Can you still send it to me though?” he asked hopefully.

She giggled but nodded, sending the photo by airdrop before leaning up to give him a quick kiss. As she pulled away, Quinn felt just as breathless as he did the first time he kissed her. It was getting harder and harder to deny his feelings, that was for sure.

The two of them spent a little more time in Arles before driving back to Avignon, going to their separate apartments to freshen up before heading out for dinner. Typically, they headed out to their little local restaurant – hell, they were practically regulars at this point – and their usual waitress showed them to a table in the corner.

The waitress murmured something to Renée after she handed them their menus, making Renée blush deeply and laugh as she walked away, to which Quinn just looked at her curiously.

“Maude was teasing us. Said it’s about that that we admitted our romance,” Renée admitted.

Well damn. First the old lady in Arles and now their waitress? Did they really look that natural together?

“Alors.”

Quinn startled slightly at Maude’s voice, but let out a huff of laughter as she presented a bottle of ruby red wine. The waitress rattled off a stream of fast French, to which Renée laughed again, shaking her head.

“She said the wine is free for new lovers.”

Now it was Quinn’s turn to blush, earning laughter from both women.

“Merci pour le vin,” he stumbled out, his translation hesitant.

But Maude just beamed, patting his shoulder.

“Bien!”

He slumped back in his chair, letting Renée order for them both, knowing that she could see he was a little overwhelmed and also knowing the food he liked by now. It was easy. Too easy. Why was he getting himself so worked up about this?

“Cheers, Quinn.”

Renée’s soft words brought him out of his thoughts, seeing her raising a glass of the wine to him and that she’d already poured him a glass too, so he quickly lifted his glass with a smile and clinked it gently against hers.

It was very good wine.

True to form, the two of them spent a couple of hours eating, talking, and drinking, just basking in each other’s company, and Quinn tried not to let himself overthink things. No strings, easy fun. He could roll with this.

It was late when the two of them ended up back in his apartment, kissing the moment that Quinn shut the door behind them, and they stumbled over to the sofa without breaking apart. It was consuming, heated, passionate like never before, and Quinn found himself sliding his hands under her clothes, helping her undress as she helped him undress too. It wasn’t until they were down to their underwear that Quinn pulled away to take a ragged breath, eyes roving over her tanned skin bathed in the moonlight that streamed in through the windows.

“Bed?” he asked, more than a little breathless as his hands clutched at her bare waist.

“Yes, take me to bed Quinn,” she murmured.

He didn’t need to be asked twice.

~~~

The next few days felt like they flew by. Renée tried to hold onto each moment, to savour each memory, but when each moment was just as happy as the last, it was hard to distinguish them. Throughout days nine, ten, eleven, and twelve of Quinn’s trip, Renée tried hard to make sure that he experienced as many local things as well as a couple of more exciting trips, to keep his vacation as full as possible.

In Avignon, the two of them visited the Musée de Petit Palais, another UNESCO World Heritage Site, home to an incredible collection of paintings from the 13th to the 15th century. They also went to the Cathédrale Notre-Dame-des-Doms. It was right next to the Palais des Papes, where they’d visited earlier in their trip, and well worth the visit – the frescoes, marble statues and golden statue of the Virgin Mary in the interior were incredible, and another moment for a few photos of the two of them.

Those were mostly for Renée’s memories at this point. She wasn’t going to lie to herself.

As a fun activity, Renée booked them on a lunchtime cruise along The Rhône, listening to the tour guide give them a fascinating description from the water’s edge, murmuring the translation into Quinn’s ear as they went – a perfect excuse to sit practically in his lap, although she didn’t think he minded with the way he had his arm wrapped tight around her waist.

They also took a day trip to Aix-en-Provence, just as she’d asked for.  It took them just over an hour to drive, easy in the morning traffic, and she felt lost in the incredible art history, grateful to Quinn for indulging her yet again. They visited the art studio of Cezanne, as well as his works displayed in the Granet Museum. The museum also displayed works by Picasso, Rembrandt, and Ingres, all of which Quinn listened to her ramble about with avid attention. They had an extended coffee break in Cours Mirabeau, visited the beautiful Vendôme Pavilion, before eating a romantic candlelit dinner looking over a busy square, all light up with twinkling lights.

Her favourite day though? A trip to the local farmer’s market again, when they’d eaten fresh peaches and kissed the slick juice off each other’s lips.

All of this mixed with intense incredible sex every single day only led Renée to one conclusion. She was falling in love with him, slowly but surely, and she felt so damn stupid when she realised it, lying naked in his arms while Quinn snored quietly next to her. How could she not feel stupid? He was leaving soon – he only had two days left in Avignon – and there was nothing she could do about it. She was the one that suggested no strings fun after all, although she should’ve known that would’ve come back around to bite her in the ass.

Nothing good could come from this realisation. Nothing at all.

But she would be damned if she wasn’t going to live these final two days with him to the fullest.

~~~

Quinn woke up on his penultimate day with a heavy heart. Not because of the beautiful woman lying naked in his arms, no. Well…no, not really. It wasn’t her fault, after all, that he was falling in love with her. She’d never asked for that, nothing more than fooling around, but here he was thinking like a fool anyway.

That didn’t stop him from kissing the sleepy smile off her face when she woke up, happily making her cry out his name with his face between her thighs too.

After the two of them had showered separately in their own apartments, because he knew damn well that he couldn’t keep his hands off her at this point, they headed out to central Avignon for their final day trip. Today, they were heading to Sault, to the lavender fields, as part of a half day trip with a private guide. Apparently the trips were for a maximum of eight people in a minibus, but there was only one other couple booked in for their trip today, so Quinn was buzzing about having more private time with Renée.

The ride from Avignon only took one hour, but before they got to the fields, they made a stop at the lavender distillery Arôma Plantes. Alongside a little museum, where they learnt about lavender oil production, there was a little store, where Quinn happily bought a ton of gifts for his family to take home with him, and Renée bought her own fair share too. When they finally arrived at the fields though, Quinn had to admit he was a little breathtaken with the vast beauty. The bright colours alone were stunning, and he made sure to take a ton of candid photos of Renée as well as a couple of posed shots, letting her do the same for him before the tour guide took a few photos of them together, getting all the angles in to make them laugh.

The laughing photos ended up being his favourite of the whole selection, if he was being honest.

They visited three fields in total for about 15-20 minutes each, before heading to the village of Sault for a lunch stop, sharing a bottle of wine between them (with the other couple doing the same). By the time they headed back to Avignon, Quinn had a steady buzz from the wine as well as the rush of the day, and it was easy to fall back into his bed with Renée for the afternoon, only leaving to shower separately when his stomach rumbled with hunger.

They changed apartments for dinner, Renée having a better kitchen set-up than he did. He watched her cook for them in a comfortable silence, sipping water to clear his head as much as was possible, smiling at her every time she caught him watching her.

“I’m really going to miss you.”

There it was. He’d blurted it out without meaning to, cringing at the raw honesty in his voice. Renée looked more than a little stunned, turning the stop top burner to low before looking at him properly.

“You’re going to miss me?” she said hesitantly, “Or you’re going to miss this time in Provence?”

“You. Both. I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense when I say it out loud, but I can’t believe how quickly these past two weeks have flown by? If I could live in a bubble with you here in Avignon, time standing still and nothing changing, then I would,” he said, laughing a little incredulously.

Renée smiled sadly. “The time has flown by. Avignon with you will always hold a place in my heart. I’m going to miss it too.”

“You’re leaving Avignon?” he asked, confused.

She seemed to hesitate slightly, maybe a little confused, before she nodded.

“I’m leaving France entirely soon – I’m due to head home myself. My Schengen 90 day visa runs out at the end of May.”

Her whole trip was ending?

She was heading home too?

She was heading back to Canada, back to Montreal?

Why hadn’t she said anything these past few days? Why had they only focused on him, only spoken about his trip ending?

While he got lost in his thoughts, Renée finished off cooking, and the two of them sat down to eat in silence. As always, the food was incredible, and he made sure to let her know that, earning the usual modest blush, and they finished off a bottle of wine on the sofa, ending the evening with the slow, sweet kisses that had gotten him lost in her nearly a week ago.

But rather than falling into bed together like they had done all week, Quinn had left for his own apartment with a goodnight kiss, admitting he hadn’t yet packed his suitcase at all, and he didn’t want to rush that tomorrow.

Renée had laughed at him, teasing smile making him blush, but she waved him off with another kiss that left him conflicted. Because while it was true he had yet to pack his suitcase, he also wanted to think.

She lied about leaving Avignon. Why?

No, not lied. Just omitted. He knew she was over on a visa, but it hadn’t occurred to him the timings of her trip and she hadn’t stated it. Why?

Maybe she just was protecting herself. But why?

The more he thought about it, the more overwhelmed he felt, until he was sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Why did he care so much? Why had he let her get into his head like this? Why had he allowed her to consume his heart like this?

Because that what it was, wasn’t it? He was falling in love with her, and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, and now there was a slightest fraction of a chance that this didn’t have to end because they would be in the same country for most of the year.

It was the tiniest sliver of a chance but as soon as he thought of it, his greedy heart clutched onto the hope with all of its strength.

This season had been one of the hardest, both physically and mentally, and he’d taken this trip to make a change in his life. A change he had so desperately needed. Was Renée this change? Had she changed him? Meeting her was the first thing that made him feel good in a long time. He was damn sure that he wouldn’t have had nearly as good a time in Avignon if it hadn’t been for her. He knew that, down to his bones.

He had to tell her how he felt. It would be stupid not to, with him leaving tomorrow. At least that way he would know for certain. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, right? He needed to take this shot, for his own heart’s sake.

Tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning he would tell her, and he could only hope for the best.

~~~

Renée woke up to the sound of a series of rapid knocks on her front door, jolting her from her sleep and her empty bed. Going to bed had been strange last night, without Quinn by her side as she’d had all week, but she knew that was stupid to hold onto. He was leaving today, after all, so she needed to let go of him. She wouldn’t survive otherwise.

Still the knocking continued, so she got up with a yawn, shuffling to open the door, only to reveal Quinn standing there far earlier than normal. He was fully dressed, holding two coffees in a holder with a bag of pastries under one arm…and a bouquet of flowers?

The most beautiful colourful fresh flowers that she’d ever seen too.

“Are these for me?”

Damn her lack of caffeine.

Quinn huffed out a laugh, smiling fondly down at her, making traitorous butterflies swirl in her stomach.

“Yes, they are. Can I come in?” he asked.

She just nodded, still a little stunned at the beautiful bouquet, Quinn heading straight for the kitchen to put them in a vase, leaving the coffees and pastries on the kitchen island as he did so.

“Quinn…” she murmured, prompting as he put the flowers on the island next to them.

He sighed, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck awkwardly, before he moved to stand next to her and cleared his throat.

“I’m leaving today. I’m leaving and I can’t change it, so I need to tell you before I regret not saying anything,” he said softly.

“Tell me what?” she asked, dangerous hope starting to seep into her heart.

“That I’m falling in love with you.”

Her lips parted in surprise as her heart felt like it skipped beat. He was falling in love with her?

“Renée Moreau…you’ve made me feel alive for the first time in a long time. Every time I look at you my heart wants to sing and I don’t want that to end. These two weeks have been the most amazing weeks of my life, especially this past week, and I had to tell you how I feel before I burst. Is there even the slightest chance that you feel the same for me too?”

His words washed over her in an emotional wave that she had not been expecting. It was the last thing she’d been expecting, if she was being honest, never daring to hope that he was falling for her like she was falling for him. She felt stunned, shocked into silence as pure giddiness rushed through her. He felt the same? He didn’t want this to end either?

Just as Quinn’s face started to shutter in her silence, Renée lurched forward and kissed him, cupping his face with both hands. Quinn moaned softly, kissing her back with an intensity that left her breathless, but she didn’t dare pull away from him until she started to feel dizzy, resting her forehead against his shoulder with shaky breaths. This was real. He was falling in love with her too. She wasn’t dreaming.

“You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, Renée. I admire your free spirit, and your courage, so much. Just going out into the world to figure out what it is that you want rather than coasting along in repetitive nothingness? You’re inspiring, and you make me want to live life to its fullest, every day.”

She choked out a sob against his shirt, lifting her head to look up at him with tears in her eyes.

“I don’t feel brave. In fact sometimes I feel like I’m free falling because I have no destination, and it's terrifying. But you…you’re dedicated to your career, to your family, to everything you love. You commit, wholeheartedly, and you inspire me, Quinn Hughes. You make me want to set roots and figure out what settling down means. You’re special, in every single way, and I really hope I can make you see exactly how special you are.”

It was Quinn’s turn to have tears spring to his eyes, and he shook his head a little incredulously, like he couldn’t believe his good fortune, before he just leant down to kiss her again, the kiss staying slow and warm, toe-curling in its sweetness before he pulled away once more.

“I don’t know what the future will hold. I don’t know how we’ll make it work between Vancouver and Montreal. But I want to figure it out, if you want to too?”

“I do, I really do,” she said, smiling through happy tears.

After spending the rest of Quinn’s last day in bed together, Renée drove him to the train station that evening. He was going to take a taxi, same as his way into Avignon, but Renée insisted, needing that last kiss goodbye. As she watched him wheel his suitcase into the station, ready to head to Lyon and then back to Detroit, her heart was aching dreadfully.

But she would see him again, she knew it.

~~~

The beginning of August felt like the beginning of a new chapter for Quinn. Not just because his off-season training had left him feeling strong, ready for the new upcoming season, but because Renée was arriving today to spend two weeks with him at his family’s house in Michigan. She was coming to meet his family, to finally see them in person, and he was so excited and nervous that he felt like he was going to burst.

The two of them had video called every single day since he arrived home, when she was still in Avignon as well as when she arrived home in Montreal, him meeting her parents over video call and her talking to his parents and Jack and Luke on the calls too – but now they would actually be meeting her in person. It was different. It was real. He wanted to scream and shout and throw up and pass out, all at once, all in the best possible way.

From the moment he woke up, despite his mom encouraging him to keep on track with his morning work-out at the rink with Jack and Luke, he felt like he’d been waiting hours for her to arrive. And sure, his brothers had been ruthlessly teasing him for essentially sitting in the front bay window, but  his mom ushered them away as best as she could. He didn’t care though, they could tease him all they wanted – he had the most amazing girl who actually liked him coming to visit. Soon enough, a car pulled up outside the house. Renée had insisted on getting a taxi from the airport, insisting she needed the time to pull herself together – but that didn’t mean Quinn couldn’t rush out of the house to greet her away from his family.

“Hey, you’re here,” he murmured, clutching her hands.

“I’m here,” she grinned.

Quinn wasted no time in kissing her, just a few short soft kisses that he needed, before pulling her tightly into a hug, Renée burying her face in his neck, the two of them keeping that embrace for a few seconds before pulling back with shaky smiles.

“Ready to meet my family?” he asked, picking up her suitcase.

“I think so?” she said.

Her tone of voice made him pause slightly, before he caught her gaze over his shoulder, and there pressed against the window were his brothers, gawking at them like lions at a zoo. Quinn just rolled his eyes, tangling his fingers with hers as they walked towards the house. He couldn’t apologise for Jack and Luke enough, he knew that much.

Meeting his parents went smoothly, his mom immediately pulling her into a firm hug while his dad just looked proud. Jack and Luke were a little more chaotic, but his mom (and thank god for her) broke up the intensity by letting them head upstairs to get Renée settled while she finished off putting lunch together, dragging his brothers out with her to set the table.

He’d cleared a little space for her in his drawers and wardrobe, allowing her to unpack fully with a shy pleased smile, and Renée didn’t take long putting everything away, Quinn watching her from his bed with a soft smile.

She was really here.

She was in his room, she’d met his family, she was staying for two weeks.

Renée was really here.

“So…”

She straddled his lap as she spoke, Quinn instinctively wrapping his arms around her waist as she placed her hands on his shoulders.

“So…” he repeated, teasing.

Renée laughed, kissing him slowly, sweetly, just enough tongue to send his head swirling as she pulled away.

“Remember how one of the conditions of my parents paying for me to go to France for three months was that I would work for my dad’s company when I got back?” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh, yeah, I remember. What about it?” he asked, still a little stunned from the kiss.

“This is where I tell you that my dad has approved for me to run the social media accounts and minor marketing from a remote location,” she said, a little hesitant.

From a remote location.

Quinn inhaled sharply, lips parting slightly. “Does that mean…” he trailed off, eyes wide.

They’d talked about it, what the long distance between Vancouver and Montreal would mean, how difficult it would be. What possibilities they had. What the future could be.

Renée bit her bottom lip before nodding. “It means I can move to Vancouver with you. It means that my dad really likes you, and trusts that I can build a life with you while still doing my job. You know, if you still want me around.”

She would be coming to Vancouver with him. This was more than he could have hoped for after he’d met her, let alone after how last season ended. Was he dreaming? He didn’t think he was dreaming.

“Of course I do, are you kidding me? This is amazing!” Quinn grinned.

Renée laughed in delight as he pressed kisses all over her face, still giggling as he kissed her full on the lips, easily melting into the kiss as he slid a hand deep into her blonde curls, holding her tight to him. But then she broke away, resting her forehead against his for a breath or two before lifting her head to look into his eyes.

“You don’t think it’s too soon? We’ve only known each other twelve weeks! And we’ve only had two of those in each other’s company!” she said, hesitant.

No, he couldn’t have her hesitant. That was the last thing he wanted.

“My mom always says when you know, you know. And I know with you, Renée. Yeah, maybe it’s a little crazy, but it’s a good crazy? I don’t want to waste my life regretting something that has the potential to be amazing, just because it's not conventional,” he said seriously, smiling softly before that smile shifted to a frown, “You’re not having second thoughts, right?”

A lump rose in his throat at the passion in his own words, tears springing to his eyes as she shook her head.

“No second thoughts here at all. I just wanted to make sure – I had to say it. Because I know other people will be thinking it, even if they don’t say it too,” Renée said simply, smiling sadly at him.

“Fuck what anyone else thinks. You make me want to be brave, Renée, and I can’t wait to see where the future takes us,” Quinn said firmly, “Bring on the crazy and bring on these next two weeks.”

She just laughed, nodding again as a couple of tears escaped her eyes. Quinn’s smile softened as he wiped his thumb across a stray tear, before he leaned in to kiss her again. This was everything, right here. The girl of his dreams and the future he’d always hoped for.

“Hey lovebirds, sorry to break up the reunion, but mom wants to feed your girlfriend, Q.”

Quinn groaned as he pulled away, thunking his head on her collarbone.

“Thank you Luke, we’ll be down in just a moment,” Renée called out, laughing.

“Don’t let Quinn keep you locked away – Jack’s up next and he has a water pistol ready to go.”

Renée just laughed harder as Quinn’s face shifted in a light scowl.

“Bye Luke!” he said firmly, listening to his little brother laugh with annoyance, waiting until he heard footsteps to look back at Renée. “Little brothers are the worst.”

“I don’t know, seems like they love you a lot,” she grinned.

His heart melted a little at her sweet words. Not a lot of people understood the dynamics between him and his brothers, how intense they were, how close they were, but just the fact that Renée accepted their crazy without question?

Well, it said a lot about how well she was going to fit into his family, maybe even forever. But that was something for the future. Baby steps first.

“Ready to head down for lunch?” he asked, helping her to her feet.

“I’m ready.”

~~~

Tagging a few people who might be interested in reading: @wyattjohnston @matthewtkachuk @senditcolton @fallinallincurls @cellythefloshie @sorryjustafangirl @jostyriggslover96 @typical-simplelove @ghostyjosty

[aluria-sevhex]

ToT Bonnie i love you but that is not how it's pronounced

NOW FOR MY NOTES, COPIED FROM MY NOTES APP INSTEAD OF SCREENSHOTTED THIS TIME (edit: put it under a read more because long)

ACT 2

-THE TIPS ON HOW TO PLAY ARE FUCKING DIAGETIC?

-"stardust" are you the starhead bitch from the trailers

-i feel like i'll have to ask the librarian for a book eventually

-THE RUNNING ONE IS CALLING OUT SIF LOL (for running from his problems) (hmmmm Sif what problems r u running from?)

-ugh. it's the starhead bitch

-plot twist the star head is Siffrin and that's why he's depressed :P

-their name is Loop. i don't trust them

-"Yeah, better know this one's pronouns so you can think very clearly in your head that they're getting on your nerves."

-LOOP CAN READ THE PROFILES? WHAT KIND OF META BULLSHIT IS THIS </positive i fucking love meta bullshit>

-hm is Loop some sort of weird representation of the player. or a god.

-learn WHAT?

-hm feel like this game might explore some of the moral iffiness that tends to arise with time loops. is a friendship genuine if one person knows exactly what the other will say?

-"don't eat pineapples. you're allergic" fuck you. i WILL eat pineapples and i WILL enter anaphylaxis and i WILL die stupidly but it will be WORTH IT

-WAIT HOLD UP WHAT WAS THAT DIALOGUE IN THE >> TUTORIAL "don't make the same mistakes i did" I THINK THAT'S WHAT THEY SAID HOLD UP

-maybe Loop was a normal person who got stuck in a time loop for too long and fucked up somehow? and that's why they're like this

-idk if i'll zone out much i don't wanna miss any differences

-altho if there's a difference won't i zone back in?

-then again there's a lot of dialogue

-maybe this will be plot-important somehow?

update after being gone for a bit:

-Tears weewoo

-SIFFRIN SAID NYA

-side note i am so glad i fought that thing that dropped the crest even tho it was hard. fighting it again on future loops is gonna suck tho

-also fun fact right after i died to the Tears i ran ahead and accidentally got crushed by the rock again. which i think is bullshit because I RAN TO THE SIDE OF THE ROOM

-back to more important things. like Siffrin saying nya. or the thyme pun.

-ODILE SAID IT. look she has a phd or whatever equivalent there is here probably, she's like 40, i think she's earned the right to do whatever the fuck she wants

-Isabeau is AOBB (Assigned Omelette By Bonnie)

-"It'd be awful to keep yourself from becoming a person you feel comfortable with just because it would upset someone else."

Breaking news: the game where the protagonist uses he/they, two other major characters use they/them, and there is a conversation explicitly referencing pronouns and giving them, unsurprisingly supports trans rights

-BONNIE DO NOT EAT THE EGG KEYCHAIN

-BONNIE HAS A WOK >:D

-uh... why are the Vaugardians freaking out over crab. does the Change religion ban it?

-Vaugarde is weird. first, they have a VERY SPECIFIC RULE where entering the FIRST ROOM of a house is fine, but any further is rude. second: crabs??? ok i guess???

-an openphrase... ya mean a password?

-fuck it i am fully in "taking gratuitous extensive notes" mode

-hehe protector craft is gullible :P

-oh hey tasteful artistic nudes. so this room's resident is an art student. hopefully their grasp of anatomy was improved :]

-Mira said what the crab instead of what the hell

-"what the CRAB did you let Bonnie do when we said no!!!"

-YOU LET THE PRE-TEEN DRINK VODKA???

-LMAOOOOOOOO IT WAS WATER. I LOVE HOW MUCH OF A LITTLE SHIT SIFFRIN IS

-checked it again. the people are "doing fun things" eh so what if an art student draws porn, that's on me for peeking ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ still hope it improved their grasp of anatomy. if the anatomy was bad and the narration didn't tell me i would be disappointed in it :P

-ooo drawn tarot card. isn't the Six of Swords a bad one? i feel like it's foreshadowing somehow but i don't feel like looking its meaning up

-i fucking hate the triplet Sadnesses they're so annoying

-the reason the Mandela Effect with Berenstein/Berenstain happened is because Sif equipped the e

-OH? saving records party progress if you loop back to that spot :0

-yippee i beat the Sadness boss that changes its type (this is like the first enemy that does that i think)

-Mira are you hungry

-YEAH LET'S FUCKIN' EAT

-this question keeps popping in my head but where the fuck IS Siffrin from plot twist the kid was right and he's from the sky idk i'm saying random shit

-SNACK TIME

[poupeesdecirque]

General Update

Just a heads up, I mainly write for those who got snippets the last days and are maybe (quite) concerned and worried about me.

So, the last few weeks at work have been literal hell.

More under the cut, this gets long.

This week especially, we worked with 6 people understaffed (out of 16, might be not that bad if you work in an office but if you work with humans, especially children/toddlers even it's... difficult), I won't get much into detail but weeks we have the bi-weekly meeting mondays before work mess me up already but then 3 more people calling in sick made everything worse. It didn't help that my annual employee-feedback talk was coming up on wednesday and that turns me into a pile of anxiety of its own.

The tuesday in before had me crying in the bathroom at work after just 1,5 hours of a 8+ hour day without real lunch break (just fyi last summer I went down with hours to be less stressed... I got in more than two days worth of work in overtime the last month). I work there for 10 years and this is the 2nd time I cried and this time it was just because of the pure stress. I won't go into detail here but I went beyond my limit so often the last weeks I am merely a shell and just do creative things to cope somehow.

The annual talk went .... good. No, good is an understatement, it was one of the best I had, there is basically zero critique on how I work, boss is very satisfied and the only thing is that I am told to tell my coworkers when their decisions stress me. haha. yeah.

Then there is our street... it's a construction site since February but now the whole thing is closed down, last week I almost didn't manage to get to work bc they closed down another road and I had no way to get through left q_q...

The work week was just 3 days (luckily) and we went into a long weekend bc of the public holiday. I decided to take the thursday slow but, yeah I know it better, the point here is when you go from 200% to maybe 10% your mind will crash and that's what I got.

I am so under stress my body has no idea where to put it and tries everything, I can't sleep well, just for a few hours and then I am wide awake.

Aside that I am basically done with the redraw project which took me almost a year, then my fic 'Warmth' is done too, it's just one final scene and that's the epilogue with the final conclusion, I have been working on this for 2,5 years now and it's part of my evening routine.. the redraws are part of my morning routine... I changed a few more things and well I managed to mess up my entire routine but I NEED IT TO FUNCTION.

I felt it coming but well.. you guessed it right, depression hit me hard on friday evening (I have seasonal depression, it gets worse the longer the days become, higher temperatures are often enough to trigger it, then the lack of sleep, two big projects ending, etc) and yesterday before the con I didn't even want to go there despite the Con being the only thing keeping me going the whole week.

I'm exhausted, tired but sleeping doesn't work as my body is "I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT THE STRESS". I am really mean towards myself and I am trying hard not to be an ass and we don't talk about the fact that I need days to like... put away the laundry, put groceries into the cabinets or have crafting materials scattered around everywhere. It's just a real mess in here.

Overall I just... pour energy into crafts bc I have no idea where to put it. I would love to just go for a good old inline skate round but I don't want to carry my skates through the landscape for 10 minuted bc we have no streets q_q;

I know I stacked on a lot and less would be better (heck I challenged myself to cook more variety again and ofc I got competitive with myself but went out of my comfort zone and then wasn't able to estimate things anymore... if you know me closer you know what that means), but right now it's about finding the balance here as when i do nothing it just ... gets worse.

Concluding this means I am on a tightrope with things and there is not much needed to make me fall (again). I have projects to work on, but I get too invested and then overdo it which means ~ more stress~ ... good thing I can't work on Lenalee unless the new zippers arrive and sewing in general is not really appealing to me.

But I prepped everything for sewing for her and Maple, I have cut parts for the Allen Clown Cosplay, even started the buttons (& remade those already bc first attempt left me unsatisfied), I made the cover for the next fic update but I don't want to post everything at once.

Don't forget the situation at work made me an expert in how to get a lot of shit done in very little time and to use every minute I have to get the most results out of the time I have. Slowing down is a real issue I have to learn.

This entry doesn't make much sense but if you have read until here just know I thank you for your attention. This month is mainly DGM themed everything as the series turns 20. I have photos with OC dolls queued up and once I have the mind for more sewing I will work on Maple.

There is cosplay progress from a while ago, cosplay photos, drawings, lots of doll progress from Kanda to come and in general some very pretty photos I am found of.

Oh and the travel blog regarding the HanaCon is written I will post it soon, maybe not today bc it's enough already.

[gladoswantscake]

Beautiful In My Eyes - Goro Majima x Plus Size F!Reader

Summary: You haven't been feeling comfortable in your own skin recently. Goro is about to change that.

Warnings: A bit suggestive 👀

A/N: I've been experimenting with the Character AI recently to help me brainstorm with creating new works. It's really fun.

Also, writing a suggestive content is WAY out of my comfort zone but wanted to try something new. I hope it's not cringe 😭. Let me know if ya'll think its yay or nay.

Available on Wattpad // AO3

You stare at the mirror wearing the dress that Majima gifted you. The dress accentuates every curve to your body. You hated the feeling of something that hugged your body. It was something you were never used to, but you yearned to wear something that made you want to feel beautiful that you didn't feel in a long time. The negative thoughts were eating away at you until Majima approaches you from behind with his arms snaking around your plump figure.

Majima's main love language was physical affection. It wasn't something you were used to receiving but took a while for you to get used to his hands roaming your body.

"You look beautiful tonight." He closes his eyes and places a kiss on your neck, taking in the rich alluring perfume smell that earns you another kiss.

His attire was a bit different tonight. He wore a black dress shirt with a few buttons unbuttoned and he was planning on taking his snakeskin blazer when the two of you leave despite trying to get him to wear a different blazer.

He knew you haven't been feeling like yourself the past week, so he wanted to take you out to a nice restaurant.

You had doubts during your first few months with Majima and yet the two of you have been together for nearly a year and he's shown no second thoughts.

"What am I worth to him? I feel like nothing more than a piece of meat. Would if he eventually gets bored with me?" The thought ate away at you as your mouth begins to quiver.

Majima immediately takes notice of your body language. He places his hand on your shoulder and turns you towards him. You stood there with your head bowed down in shame and fighting back the tears to prevent your makeup from being ruined. He knew you always had a hard time being at peace with your body image and always made it his priority to make you feel good about yourself at the end of the day.

"What's got ya all upset, hon? Is it the dress? I can get ya a much nicer one."

You shook your head. "I love the dress, but... I just don't think it looks good on me." The fabric of the dress feels like it was starting to wrap around you tighter making you more agitated and uncomfortable.

He thought getting you the dress you had been eyeing for a while would boost your confidence, but he felt like he accidentally made you feel worse.

"Don't be sayin' that about yerself! Any man would be one lucky sum' bitch to have you." He lifts your chin to see your eyes glistening. The sight of seeing you tremble in front of him made him frown.

"I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough to be with you." Your voice cracks. The longer the thoughts got louder in your head the more you wanted to break down into a sob. "I mean what do you see in me that you don't see in all the other women? They look like models compared to me!" Tears rolled down your face.

The dress felt like it was glued to your body the longer the insecurities got to you. Majima watched with a sad expression as you tugged at your dress. "I-I'm sorry, Goro." You carefully wiped underneath your eyes. "I haven't felt this bad in a long time and I didn't mean to spew out my insecurities tonight. It's just these thoughts have been eating me up bad lately."

He pulls you to him. "There ain't nothin' wrong with talking about it, but it ain't good keeping them bottled up." You feel his hand reach for yours, his thumbs brushing your knuckles before he brings his hand up to his chest.

"Yer more than enough." He raises your hand to his lips, placing a kiss on your hand. "I know compliments are still a challenge for ya to accept, but I mean every word that I say: Yer the most gorgeous and thoughtful woman I've ever met. A real man would be lucky to have a gal like you in their life."

He could see a small smile slither onto your face. "A lil' bit of fat ain't gonna ruin the way the dress looks on ya. Yer body really brings out that dress." Majima smiles. "Besides, I love worshipping a body like yers."

Majima's thumb gently wipes away the tears from your eyes. "Ya wouldn't wanna ruin all that makeup on that beautiful face of yers after spending so much time it."

Then an idea immediately comes to Majima's mind making him grin. His hands travel down to your waist seductively. "I know we had some plans this evening, but I got something that's better. Tonight, I'm gonna make ya feel good about yerself."

Even though the two of you have made love in the past, getting intimate was always a challenge for you. You've always hated being vulnerable due to being taken advantage of in the past. He understood where you were coming from.

He always put on a facade whenever he was out and about in public to protect himself. He was known as the Mad Dog to his friends and foes. He liked that about himself. He was able to be taken seriously. Constantly having to put on an act every day eventually became tiring, but when he met you, he eventually was able to let his mask slip. He was able to come home to you to relax and let his Mad Dog persona be put to rest until he went out the next day. He feels like he's able to be himself around you without being judged.

Majima could see you getting lost in your negative thoughts once again. He instantly pulls you back into reality with his hand cupping your face.

"I understand that yer shy when it comes to being intimate. If ya wanna do something else, we can go-"

You pull Majima into a kiss. Something inside of you clicked. Making the first move was out of your comfort, but the way he held your body close to his and his words of affirmation made you crave him.

It caught Majima by surprise. He gives in to the kiss, soon you feel one of Majima's hands groping your ass. In the past, you would have been embarrassed, but this time it didn't bother you.

Majima pulls away first to catch his breath. His breathing is hot and heavy on your neck. Both of his hands grip your waist.

"I love what yer doing." His lips graze your neck planting a few kisses. "I'm proud of ya."

Majima guides you to the bed and lays you down. He removes his dress shirt leaving his torso bare. He climbs onto the bed and waste no time with removing your dress. He then notices you immediately tensing up.

"Just relax, love. There ain't nothing to be ashamed about." His voice is low and reassuring. "I'll take real good care of ya. I promise." His lips move to your collarbone as his hands slowly roam down your thighs.

When it came to Majima making love, he always savored every kiss that he leaves on your body; on the places that you felt the most conscious about. That's what you loved about him. Especially his sweet nothings that he whispers into your ear that earns him a giggle from you, the way his beard slightly tickles you whenever he kisses you, and the way his hands would caress every inch of you, driving you crazy.

The kisses are now longer and more intense. Both of your hands grasp both of his biceps followed by a breathily moan escaping from your lips as he found your sweet spot.

Your grip tightens as one of his hands trail down to your underwear.

"I don't think you'll be needing these anymore." He pulls away briefly to remove your underwear. He takes in a full admiration of your now nude body.

"Ain'tcha beautiful sight to look at." His accent thickens. His warm fingertips trace the stretch marks on your stomach.

He hovers over you just inches from your face. You could feel his lower region grinding against yours. "And it's all mine to come home to."

His lips go to your neck to devour with love bites. Each kiss and bite are more sensational. The feeling of your hands clawing at his back is driving him crazier.

His groans are loud and hungry sounding in your ear. Each thrust is sending the two of you over the edge. It's only shortly after he pulls away to remove his pants. He spreads your legs apart to position himself and then crawls back on top of you. He inhales your perfume once more.

"I'm gonna show ya how much I love ya." He whispers in your ear.

[the-suitable-poet]

!(A letter to my future self)

As 2023 nears its end, with just a month remaining, and just two days away from my birthday, this moment, the opener of the last month, brings with it a hangover from the year, a realisation that I am no longer the same person I once was.

This year, in particular, has been a been quite a ride for me. From changing my address to changing the whole trajectory of my life, it has experienced it all. Receiving my Spotify wrap-up for the year, I'm reminded of the magic of music – how it can evoke the deepest of emotions, reliving the highest highs and the lowest lows. These songs have become a soundtrack to a year of transformation, from a self-destructive lifestyle to one disciplined by necessity.

It's astonishing how much one can experience in a year. This year has made me realise the breadth of time – how in just twelve months, life can flip upside down, leaving you a stranger to the person you were at the year's start.

Is every year like this? Probably not!! Does it happen often? Nope!! So, what makes it special? The tapestry of memories, decisions, reactions, and everything in between.

I'm not here to tally my achievements or losses. In fact, writing this down is a first for me. But for once, let's not keep score, let's not try to get one better, try not to reach somewhere. Instead, let's embrace the moment and recognise ourselves. Find that inner calm that others can sense. Be unconventional – be a monk with a stylish haircut, be a priest in shorts and a T-shirt or a father in jeans and a hoodie. If it's hard to imagine, then be the one to break the mold. Be the outlaw, the outcast, the nerd who knows nothing of Star Wars or the MCU.

In life, we should allow ourselves the simple joys – laugh a little, cry a little, sleep a little, walk a little. When you find yourself at a crossroads, dare to take the road less traveled. Maybe you will find something interesting, some long lost memory, a forgotten friends, someone you were madly in love once, something you didn't even knew you had.

Be curious to explore beyond your comfort zone. Set sail on new adventures, for each journey is a quest to find the missing piece of your life's puzzle.

Life's meaning isn't something to be found but experienced. Embrace the chaos of possibilities, much like a chessboard at the start of a game. With every move, new worlds of possibility unfold. Chess, like life, is an intricate dance of choices and consequences, endless in its variations.

Never underestimate the importance of the seemingly small. You might have missed those particular opportunities that led you to become an Olympic shooter, or a traveller, or a vineyard owner, or a rock star, or a planet-saving physicist, or an IIT graduate, or the million other things, but you are still in some way all of those people.

As you age, you'll realise that much of what once seemed important fades into insignificance. Emptiness isn't a void; it's a canvas for existence. Use it to shape your life's meaning.

We are all just wandering through the tundra of our existence, assigning value to worthlessness, when all that we love and hate, all we believe in and fight for and kill for and die for is as meaningless as images projected onto a screen.

These thoughts might seem disjointed, but perhaps that's the essence of life – a puzzle we're all trying to solve. Our lives are a tapestry of reactions, decisions, and their consequences.

Life is a kaleidoscope – it's anything and everything you want it to be. A topsy-turvy ride, a roller-coaster ride, a ride full of useless decisions and nonsense reactions, a life full of regrets and mistakes, and it still can be a life worth living for.

And if you think you can ask me questions and get some sense out of all the things I have written so far, well, I will think about it tomorrow, for tomorrow is just another day.

[musicmushi]

I’m making a demo reel for my birthday this year.

I’m saying this now. I’m saying this out loud and telling the internet in an effort to keep myself to it. I’ve always wanted to make a demo reel for years! YEARS! If you’ve been an active mutual of mine, you would most likely remember me saying these things every year for a while and then chickening out last minute. 

I’m not gonna wuss out this time! I’m totally going to do it! Because now that my voice is changing, I feel POWERFUL!!! I’d like to think the reason I got too nervous to make one before I came out and got my proper medicine was that I kinda really hated my voice. I hated playing female characters and knowing that they would be sexualized and I’d inevitably historically would have creepy DMs saying they wanna fuck my characters. I had my former lover tell me I could make asmr pr0n with my own voice. 

Like yeah that is an incredible compliment and I indeed felt very complimented at the time especially because it was my then partner expressing that I could be desirable. Who WOULDN’T want that?? 

But then I started to feel...gross? I mean personally I never got being flirty/sultry/sexy/etc etc...It always just made me feel weird and gross and like...no thank you.

I tried to break out of that mentality because people would think its weird that I as an adult would think sex stuff was weird. Like I really tried real hard for honestly way too long to break out of my comfort zone and keep up with allosexual people around me so that I wouldn’t be infantilized and thought of as “too pure for this world”. I tried to keep up with my allosexual ex so that she wouldn’t feel the need to talk to other guys. So that I could prove I’d be man enough to please her only to later realize that it took her over a year to even accept my transition as something that factually is happening and I was being serious when I came out to her. I accepted her when she was questioning and I helped her every single step of the way but it takes more than a year plus a random youtuber for her to take my identity seriously...That’s getting away from my point here...

The point is that now that I’m transitioning and I’m gaining the relaxed elasticity I can finally sound cartoony enough for western animation! Something my ex was also so helpfully critical about. I wasn’t rubbery like her. I wasn’t cartoony enough but I could totally be a down to earth anime character! I could be the ditzy, yandere, princessy, uwu cutesy, bitchy, annoying, tsundere, sexy, sultry, fuckable, etc etc etc...All the things that made me feel both constrained and gross!

But now...NOW NO ONE CAN STOP ME!!!! I can sound femme, masc, and all the in between! I can be creepy or kooky or crazy or funny. Overly theatrical or nerdy and just fun. I can be fun! I can be characters that wont be immediately fuckable! I can finally be the sorts of voices that wont net in so many creepy anon DMs.

I can be ace and enjoy it. I CAN BE A CARTOON AND ENJOY IT

I CAN BE AN ASEXUAL MENACE CARTOONY WHIMSICAL SON OF A BITCH AND NOT FEEL GROSS

I CAN LOVE MY VOICE AND MY JOB JOURNEY AND NO ONE CAN FUCKING STOP ME!!!!!

[angeldiaries777]

Does anyone else scream and talk in their sleep? I used to do this very frequently a few years ago and it calmed down for a while I used to wake up in cold sweat because of night terrors but lately I’m just feeling very trapped. I’m claustrophobic and I’m having the worst nightmares of the past a lot recently just of situations I’m VERY over. Like things from years ago that don’t affect me anymore Things I don’t care about but they just pop up in my dreams and I’m forced to relive those same memories I think it’s my brains way of coping with social isolation. It’s just making me very anxious and it’s making me feel very low when I’m clearly on a healing journey and trying really hard. It’s just suffocating. It’s very tiring revisiting memories that I want to forget. I’m so over it. I’ve addressed these things and moved on through so much self talk. Yet everytime without fail my nightmares are horrifically repetitive. Probably cuz my life is repetitive. I think it’s a sign to change things and that im not doing enough. I thought I was healing but you can only heal so much in your little bubble. I have to take the risks I’ve been putting off for years. I thought I had to start with the basics but I realized that the basics are actually pretty easy to manage but it’s the difficult things that’ll only get harder with time that I have to do now. Not later. Now. And I’ve always known this but my sick brain and tired body were making excuses for myself. And it’s such a form of self harm to hide from the world because it scares you. I know I’m not alone in these feelings and others have had similar experiences yet when you’ve been alone for so long you start to convince yourself you’re unloveable and you you start to believe lies about yourself. Like you’re just a bad person, you’re not easy to get along with etc. It’s the cycle I’ve been living in and only I can break it. And it’s going to take even more consistency but it’ll be so worth it. Those feelings of hopelessness and anxieties about people and the world should dissipate the more I emerge myself into it. I think it’ll also give my thoughts more clarity and I’ll get confirmation and maybe even be proven wrong the more I leave my comfort zones in every aspect of my life and stop identifying so heavily with my pain and my past and find out who I really am and what I really want even if there is never a certain answer to those two things. Yeah I know what I have to do. Its gonna be really easy. The only reason it’s stayed this way is cuz the cycle hasn’t been broken but I know that I’m capable now.

[sspaz1000]

Ten Lines

I was tagged by @blackandwhiteandrose @lizzie-bennetdarcy @mammameesh

Rules: pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the midpoint, pick a line (or three), and share it! Then tag other people.

Wow, y’all are out there making me step out of my comfort zone and promoting my work!

1) Last posted work in my drabble series:  Wedding

 Later that night, David whispered to Patrick, “Thank you.”

2) My first SC fic: There’s a First Time for Everything

David pulled away slightly, “Would you believe this is the first New Year’s I’ll be sober and not strung out?”

Patrick turned and looked at him with those soft eyes. “Oh, David.” He wrapped his arms around him a little tighter. “What did you do the first couple years here?”

“Got drunk and high with Stevie.”

“Right, her 12 bottles of wine, 1 day thing. So it’s not just for Christmas?”

David nodded. “That is correct.” David moved away, towards his overnight bag.

3)  Second ever fic, The Twelve Days Before Christmas plus 2 bonus days

David pulls the chairs out and they sit talking about their day, agreeing Stevie had the worst of them. None of them want to imagine Roland in weird positions on the roof.

They sit and drink and laugh, reminiscing about the last time they did this.

Patrick smiles, “It was when David called me his boyfriend.”

Stevie looks at David and says, “So, do you still excel as a solo artist like Beyoncé, or has that changed?”

David glares at her. “Both. Definitely both.”

4) My pandemic Holiday fic: All I want for Christmas (is Quarantine to End)

“The numbers guy wouldn’t lie to you. I’ve done some renegotiating on things so we could expand our shipping budget, but I’m pretty sure by the end of the year with the holidays coming up we will see a profit.”

David takes a deep breath and tries not to let the tears fall, but they start coming anyway. Patrick soothes him, “It’s okay. I know why you are afraid.” The store is going to be okay and we will get through this. You are not a failure if anything happens. We are not failures.”

5) My Different first meeting AU: Yukon Strike My Heart Ablaze

And are you sure you didn’t accidentally match with Ray?” David smirks and starts to unpack some more candles.

“Mmm. Do I though? I’m pretty sure you’re having me and Stevie help here a lot. And ew, David, don’t ever joke about matching with Ray.”

“Ugh. Whatever. Grab that box of lotions for me.”

6)  Missing scene fic from Friends and Family: I will help you out, if you let me

Patrick notices a smile across David’s face as he embraces David. He can’t help, but feel David’s strong and sturdy chest against his own. The smell of his woodsy cologne with a hint of vanilla.

Hmm, I’ve never thought about that before.

Patrick leans into all these thoughts crowding his mind when the hug goes for a beat too long, but Patrick did not want to break contact with David’s warm body. The lights flicker.

Fuck!

7)  My Kink fic: You Just Wanna Feel What Can’t be Known

David peers out of the closet, “Patience, Patrick.” He gives Patrick a once over. His face giving away the soft smirk, he reserves for Patrick. The way Patrick looks restrained on the bed. He will never not get used to seeing his husband laid out on their bed for him. To have fun with. David never knew sex could be fun and that you can laugh and its okay.

8) Not a fic but I did like the flyers I came up with in Canva for an Abestos Fest

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28869462

9)  My first Drabble: Volunteer

“This was not a part of my mood board.” David flips his hands.

10) Another drabble fic: Burst: Happy Edition

“I got the money. Now you can pay me.”

This was so hard especially since apparently now most of my SC fics are drabbles. 

[taisoleil]

Full horoscopes are exclusively on my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/77131939?utm_campaign=postshare_creator

Sidereal Aries

You may have high expectations on yourself that may cause you to want for things to be right the first time. You won’t be able to break through if you’re not understanding why you don’t get something, nor applying the foundational work you need to do.

Sidereal Taurus

Sometimes it’s best to enjoy life in its simplicity. Not everything pertains to having to do the most to have more, but being grateful for what you have, and wanting to grow what you’re already doing.

Sidereal Gemini

If you worry too much, you’re going to eventually operate out of so much fear that you may get lost in something that isn’t true. Be sure that you’re getting the facts before you do something. You never know how something is going to go unless you do your research.

Sidereal Cancer

However be careful of getting cold feet or feeling like you regret making changes. This is only because you may not being so used to going cold turkey on someone and being cutthroat. Regret doesn’t mean you’re wrong, you may be just out of your comfort zone that you’ll eventually grow comfortable with.

Sidereal Leo

Oh so you think you got it? Prove it. It’s going to take work for you to see things manifest. I do think it’s a great time for you to really solidify your stance in life. Everything has to be backed up with something that makes sense.

Sidereal Virgo

You may end up finding out there’s more to things than you thought. Don’t be disappointed by that, just take on the challenge if you want it that bad. You’ll be able to simplify it later when you learn the basics.

Sidereal Libra

Listen it’s gonna get better you’re just gonna have to trust me ksksksksks. You may possibly need a break from a lot. Rethink some routines. Are they really benefitting you? Or have you been going through the motions so much that you’re not even sure what you’re doing anymore?

Sidereal Scorpio

Not everything you do right now is going to be complete, but, it’s a great way for you to gain an understanding. If you do nothing, you won’t gain as much experience as you’re going to need.

Sidereal Sagittarius

There may have been something about you that isn’t solid or committed, and you’ll be given a chance to right that wrong. Don’t feel like you’re far behind on anything. Everyone works at their own pace.

Sidereal Capricorn

Some things aren’t always going to be in your control. It’s not supposed to. You can’t learn and have fun if you knew everything. Life to me isn’t enjoyable that way. Like imagine knowing everything. What would you be looking forward to? Have fun!

Sidereal Aquarius

You can miss out on some key things and possibly some information that will come to you. Just hold off for a bit. It may be hard and I’m not even saying to just put everything on hold, but I do think there’s some things you can gain by being patient and consistent.

Sidereal Pisces

If you’re gonna snap, make it elegant. Having boundaries is a great thing, but you don’t want the anger to be a thing where you lose all self control and say anything.

[anemowielder]

Character analysis: Riddle Roseheart

Riddle Roseheart, the current housewarden of Heartslaybyul. A second year that managed to grab the housewarden title one week after enrolling to NRC, but who is he further. What is his history, traits and what are common misunderstandings about him from the fandom?

This is an analysis of Riddle Roseheart. I have tried to use as many legit sources that I know, but a bit of it is speculation.

tw: spoilers, abusive parent-child raltionship

Order:

Character

History

traits

misunderstandings

opinion

sources

Character:

Riddle is a straight-laced boy that values rules and order. He believes that rules are made to have order and without them there is gonna be chaos so he takes it up himself to enforce the rules, but in his mind he wouldn't mind breaking the rules sometimes and he would probably do it if he hadn't such a strict mother. He is as strict to anyone else as he is to himself. Riddle believes that as long you have strong morals and work hard you can achieve.

History:

Riddle has grown up with a strict mom that is kinda abusive. His parents were magic doctors, but its hinted at that his mom is a more well known and that his parents werent't close and maybe were diforced. His mom wanted Riddle to grow up as a skilled magic-user and also become a healer. She put much pressure on her child and controlled every aspect of Riddle, because of this he sees her as someone who is always right. She is also the reason why he sees his values as something that is always right and if they aren't his mother wasn't right and in Riddle's eyes his mother is always right. This is probably caused becasue his mom would punish him mentally (take away his already small free time) and because of this he would be as obedient as possible to keep the things he had.

Traits:

Possitive (also traits that aren't necassery positive, but shows positive in this case):

Innovative

Willing to get out of his comfort zone ( he is willing to use magicam in his dorm uniform vignette and in his halloween vignette he wears high heels just because the first queen did it and because he wants to be taller)

Caring (he cares for the animals in his care and has shown care towards people from both his own and other houses (in vignettes and main story))

hard working (his whole story, almost all vignettes)

Neutral (traits that can both ways or are strongly hinted too):

Straight-laced

Stubborn

Obedient (it's more a problem for him than for others and is mainly caused by his mother. (in Riddles mind after OB he talks about sometimes breaking the rules so he isn't as rule-following of nature that he shows.)

Negative (also traits that aren't necassery negative, but shows negative in this case):

Controlling

Own morals above all (especially in ch1)

Finds it hard to understand that people sometimes can't achieve things (he believes that as long as you work hard enough and put enough time in it you can achieve what you want. (his mom's fault again, Riddle was basic in learning,but because of his mother he learnt how to achieve the things his mother wants(OB thoughs)it has been hinted at that he understands the struggles better,but still finds it hard to understand)

Misunderstandings:

He doesn't change:

He does, but in the beginning it's very subtle. He still punishes people and he still seems to be uptight, but if you read between the lines and some vignettes you can see he has changed. ace doesn't complain anymore and it's said that Riddle is less severe. He also is more open towards other ideas.(main story, vignettes)

My opinion:

I like Riddle. He is not my favorite, but I do like him and his story. His backstory tells how a child can't really grow up to be an adult when they are never teached how to do things on their own and how much influence a parent figure really has. He also isn't as selfish as some others and the reason he overblotted is because his only real truth is false. after that he is working on changing himself, but still struggeling that I find really realistic.

Sources:

Riddle Rosehearts | Twisted Wonderland Wiki | Fandom

Twisted wonderland (the game)

some japanes translations.

an: What is your opinion about Riddle and what do you think is a misunderstanding about him?

[sleevesareforlosers]

happy solstice jordan!! one thing i’m looking forward to for the new year that i’m also kind of terrified about is graduating and finally being done with school! i’m anxious about finding work but i think once i’ve got everything smoothed out and in place i’ll be really happy post-grad!

something i’m bringing forward from this year is the work i’ve put into my art, i really want to keep experimenting and pushing myself and not just letting myself get into a rut. i’ve been experiencing a lot of self-doubt this year with my art especially but i’m proud of the way i’ve been managing my time and the challenges i’ve faced so i want to bring that energy with me into 2023 :}

the weather here has been clear and sunny but pretty cold the last few days! right now it’s like 11 pm and it’s about 30 degrees F outside, so that’s like. -1C? during the day it’s more like 35-40 F. i don’t really care much for the cold so i comment on it every time i go outside BUT it’s still nice and it’s given me a chance to wear my new winter coat which is a very cute puffer jacket!

if i could be anywhere right now i think i would still pick to be home :) one of the things i’m most nervous about with moving out on my own is not being in my home where i’m comfortable and have all my stuff with me the way i like it but mostly about not being around my family so i’m enjoying spending as much time as possible living at home during the breaks and being around pretzel and my parents and siblings. also once i move my friends who live around here aren’t going to be as readily available though others will be so there’s that as well 🤔

definitely i am a serial rewatcher/listener/reader! i like the things i’m comfy with and it’s hard for me to go outside of my comfort zone and experience new things with media especially. i reread a lot of books and i rewatch youtube videos and movies and music. especially shows, i really don’t watch a lot of tv, and when i do watch tv i have a tendency to put on old shows that i’m comfortable with. i make exceptions for star wars shows but that’s it and aside from the mandalorian and andor sw has been very disappointing lately so that’s been tough. i think the one thing that may be an exception is music! while i like relistening to all my favorite bands over and over and over on loop i also really enjoy the experience of finding new music that i enjoy and playing that over and over also :)

i hope you’re having a wonderful day danny i love u!! 💝💝💝

pretzel says hello as well 💕

[ID: a fluffy golden puppy dog lying on a tan corduroy couch, looking into the camera with his paws tucked up. end ID]

happy day after solstice love!! enjoy a longer day today than yesterday

!!!! wah thats so exciting. i cant believe ive known you like. long enough to see you do your entire degree im SO excited + proud of you and im wishing you ALL the best w your postgrad stuff!!

YES its been very clear in the art ive seen that you're putting so much effort into it and its absolutely paying off. cannot WAIT to see where you go from here! ik self doubt is a bitch but you rly are so talented i hope you can keep up your energy w it into the new year and beyond

OUGH! chilly! im glad you have a nice new jacket to keep you all toasty esp if you dont rlly like the cold. and i hope you've got as much hot chocolate as you want to warm up w when you get back inside! ive been drinking sooooo much hot chocolate recently its life changing esp when its cold out

wah thats so sweet. i absolutely understand moving out can be SO intimidating but i hope when you do end up moving you find a place that you can make yours and be just as comfy there as you are at your parents place. and in the meantime! enjoy the being home! give pretzel a BIG BIG kiss for me im saying hello back to him and givin him a good scratch

this answer does NOT surprise me at all and props on being the first person to come down firmly on one side or the other. esp w tv i totally get that <- has been rewatching supernatural unfortunately. its so much more of a time commitment and esp with shows that are just coming out its like. you want a decent payoff for your time + energy investment. like w star wars shows i was SO excited for bobf and then. well. i think i watched like two episodes and then the Thing Happened and i was like 'yeah im not finishing this' but i have heard SUCH good stuff about andor and its done coming out for this season so i just need to sit down n actually watch it.

its nice that new music is easy for you its SUCH a delight to find new music you actually like so im glad that you get to have that!!! anything specific thats been in your playlists recently?

i DID have a wonderful day yesterday i hope you have a good one today!! love youuuu