#i want to escape

[datascatvislorturlough]

Being homeschooled as a way to prevent any contact with the outside world was a wild trip. Not a fun trip. No, it was abusive, alienating, extremely lonely, and with absolutely no escape possible. I couldn't find refuge in friends, because I had none. I couldn't get help from a counselor, because there were none. I absolutely could not tell a mandated reporter what I was going through, because there were none. I couldn't get help from child services, because I didn't know they existed. I couldn't get help from anyone. No one came and saved me. No one.

You controlled everything about me. My clothes, my hair, my relationships, where I went and how long I was there. You made one ultimate and stupid assumption, and it will haunt you later. You could control who I was with, the environments around me, etc...

You made a big mistake in thinking you could truly control my thoughts. You made a big mistake in allowing me internet access at 13. You made a big mistake in allowing me to go to community college. I thank you for these.

I dreamed of my life without you. I dreamed of my life: without you.

THE ENTIRE TIME.

You'll be left behind. I won't look back. I won't help you. I won't save you. I won't talk to you. I won't be near you. I won't answer you.

You're lucky I have three siblings who care about you in the way you want them to.

Good luck.

[intothedoom]

The older I get the less I am allowed to make mistakes. There’s no room for error anymore.

There have been so many moments in my life where I was expected to simply know something, but when I lacked that knowledge or experience I was punished for it. It never mattered how much I tried to learn, how much I tried to catch up, my efforts were never enough, none of it. I was never enough.

Mistakes are a privilege and a luxury that I can no longer afford.

[there-will-be-a-way]

I'm so not okay. I'm having a feeling I can't name. It's just cold, so cold. Maybe it's fear? Doom? I had this feeling during the last year I lived in isolation, once when I wrote a chapter for my second book, then again when I visited my family for Christmas last year and it held on until January. Maybe it's loneliness? I don't feel good about going to the rehab clinic and being so far away from home, my support system and my friends.

But I could likely have email contact with my therapist and I could call my one friend every day. And I will come back home. If worst comes worst, I could leave early. But I'm really not feeling good. My emotions are so cold. Just cold.

[flittermousemoth]

Which of the feral goddesses do I have to pray to in order to escape my flesh prison. Is it Hekate? It's Hekate, isn't it?

[bl00dsh0tc0r3]

i want to escape

[morsobaby]

Just to vent a bit and be miserable but

I've been feeling my health noticeably declining for some time now and my functionality levels as well. I'm only able to maybe spend time on social media but I barely eat enough and I'm frequently deathly hungry and too weak to help myself. Thank God I still live with my parents I genuinely think otherwise I might be in big trouble.

Also I don't feel loved and cared for enough. I feel like a nuisance to my family. They just take care of me diligently like a pet but whenever I come to them for emotional support I get the impression it's a huge bother and they'd rather just fix me in a health way. Like oh you're depressed? Let's increase your vitamins. Why can't you just get healthier?

[penelopesodyssey]

Franjo Tuđman Airport, Zagreb, Croatia (December 2022)

Back when I took this photo, I didn't pay much attention to it. But now, when I look at it, I would love to return because it gives me this special. unexplainable feeling.

I want to fly far, far away somewhere. I want to escape the dull everyday life.

And one day I will. I will work hard. I will do anything. I know I am capable of anything.

[fallen-angel-with-broken-halo]

Nothing and noone could've ever prepared me for feeling nauseous from anxiety. It's such a shitty feeling. One moment I'm fine, the other I feel like I'm about to throw up and I can't breathe. The urge to escape this shitty place is strong. Gotta hold on, I guess.

[releaseholiday]

[eyes-tinted-gold]

I Want

I want to stop pretending to be someone i'm not,

I keep changing myself;

Fashion

Hair colour and Style

Music taste

Breaking and reshaping myself over and over again,

Yet, deep down i want to be Horrible,

I want to be Vile and Selfish,

I want to Hurt and Hurt others,

I want to Bite, Scratch and get into Fights,

Drink until i pass out,

Fuck until i vomit and do as many drugs as possible,

I want to live so hard that when i die people breathe a sigh of relief

and say;

"Thank god, It's finally over."

[rantings-at-dusk]

Idk, what if I decided to do what I want and study things I just love and retreat to my haven of a garden with books to last me 10 lifetimes and slowly slip into the life that I've always dreamt of before I closed my eyes at night. Like what if I just dropped all these things that exhaust and drain me and just lay somewhere with my love, surrounded by flowers and never woke again. I mean what if?

[lustertyun]

My cousin is here and she's going to comment on me not eating and shaming me for it

[andromedasummer]

finally deciding to get the fire emblem three houses dlc in lieu of three hopes coming out whys one the dudes last name "leclerc"

[intothedoom]

I hate the fact that I am me, and I can’t escape myself.

[haithie]

maybe I should start s.h again

[partykeet]

Welp, I can’t DBT skills my way out of this one, boys…