#i want to go back to crying over falling leaves

[megistusdiary]

𝖈𝖎𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖜𝖔 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖑𝖉𝖘' 𝖋𝖑𝖆𝖒𝖊𝖘 ☄. *

dom!transfem boss form arlecchino x sub!fem reader

warnings: smut (mdni), wlw content, transfem!arle, size kink (arle's boss form), cunnilingus, fingering, thighfucking, lowkey messy?

arlecchino pins you down to the bed, her massive form looming over you, eyes shining bright red, betraying her rather neutral expression.

you feel small beneath her like this, held down with minimal effort from her as she stares down at you.

how you've even managed to convince her to fuck you in this form is a wonder.

already, it's a tight fit for her, considering she's normally taller than you. but like this? her hand splays across your neck, surrounding your throat easily. her hand practically can cup your entire face.

"please? i can take it." you beg her, trying to reach for the prominent bulge in her pants.

"no." she sighs, pinning you back down. "you're too fragile." she asserts, softening slightly at your genuine disappointment. "i will still take care of you." she promises.

"what about you?" comes your response and she shakes her head.

"you're still mine regardless. i'll just have to use you in other ways." there's a sadistic lilt behind her words that makes you shudder and nod so obediently.

she leans up, sliding your clothes off, leaving you bare before her. she runs a hand down your body, lifting your hips and using her thumbs to part your folds. it has you panting out of embarrassment, averting your gaze as she laves her tongue over your pussy.

and, oh, it felt different. she felt warmer, bigger than usual, her tongue leaving nothing untouched as it slides over your clit. you practically scream for her, arching up off the bed while she kneels for you alone, tongue shoving its way into your cunt.

she grunts when she realizes your size difference now, her tongue stretching you open wide enough that you're gasping and clawing at the bedsheets. she can feel you fluttering around her tongue, dripping so much slick for her she's almost flattered.

she uses a dangerously clawed thumb to rub your clit, urging you to cum for her, a hand pressing down on your abdomen when you squirm from the intensity.

you pant as you recover, staring down at her, watching her push her hair back away from her eyes. she eases herself up, freeing her painfully hard cock from its confines and the way your eyes go comically wide has her twitching.

"i told you. there's no possibility you can fit me." she pinches your clit, making you squeal as she collects the remnants of your orgasm, sliding them over her own cock.

it's much bigger than you're used to with her. it's longer, wider, and oozing thicker pre-cum that has your mouth watering.

she runs the tip through your folds, seeing you squirm from overstimulation. she sits down next to you, hoisting you up effortlessly, grinding your pussy on her cock, feeling you coat her in wetness.

you can hear the slick noises of skin on skin, your head falling to her shoulder while she uses you for her own pleasure.

"want you- want it so bad-" you mumble for her and she sighs.

"you'd break. i prefer my toys whole, and i'm not ready to part with you quite yet." she grumbles, grinding you harder onto her cock as you whimper with the friction on your clit.

once she feels you cum again, she picks you up, laying you back down on the bed, hovering over you. she tenderly pushes your thighs back, folding you into a mating press so she can slide her cock between your thighs, rutting against you while she coats your tummy with her pre-cum.

her thrusts grow rougher, the bed and your body shaking as she grunts, pushing your thighs together to fuck them faster.

when she cums, she coats your tummy, chest, and a bit of your face in thick white spurts. she heaves, still hard against your stomach. she scoops some of the release off your face and stomach, fingers trailing down your body sensually.

she gathers some of her cum, easing it into your hole while you squirm and cry for her. she makes sure to use fingers she has trimmed down, all so she can finger-fuck her cum into you.

"good girl. but we're not finished." she says, her cock twitching against you as you look up at her with a sweet little dazed expression.

[munsonsfairy]

🍒🐦‍🔥 LICK ME LIKE A LOLLIPOP • PAIGE B.

warnings: fem reader, dom paige, strap on, paige receiving, clit play, fingering, 69, no description of reader but has hair to grab on to, lollipop is immortal, praise, aftercare

to everyone in the room you were just eating a lollipop, but paige knew what you were doing. the way your lips puckered and licked the cherry candy made her think of the night before when you were on your knees in front of her.

“aww, look how pretty you look with my cock in your mouth,” paige had a handful of your hair and fucked into your throat.

“fuck, rub your clit for me baby.” your body shivers just thinking about doing it again tonight.

at first you were not trying to give her a show until you noticed her staring at your lips. her licking and biting her lip made you want to see how far you could go until she broke.

you could feel her eyes on you the entire night. the silent eye contact had you squeezing your thighs. you could see the effect you had on paige but she was not breaking.

when the current song ended, you put your lips around the lollipop and moaned loud enough that paige could only hear you.

“keep playing your little game and see how far it gets you,” paige whispered against your neck then kissed leaving you wanting more.

she had you sitting on your knees in front of her. she sat with her manspreading with her cock out of her pants.

the lollipop you once used to tease her with was in her mouth. paige leaned towards you to put her thumb in your mouth. you closed your lips around her and sucked while looking into her blue eyes.

“fuck, i don’t even need to ask you to do something. gonna show me what you were doing earlier?”

you nodded and swirled your tongue around her thumb. “let me see that tongue, ma.” paige slapped the tip of her cock on your tongue. your lips wrapped around the head of her strap to tease her. she smirked and licked her lips watching the show you were putting on for her. you relaxed your jaw and slowly pushed your head down.

her fingers tangled the back of your hair and slowly fucked up into your throat. she lets out a breath when she sees her cock fill your mouth. you look up and see her eyes dark filled with pleasure.

you gag around her cock making tears fall down your cheeks. “don’t cry you’ll only make it harder to stop, baby.”

you rubbed your thighs trying to release some pleasure from your clit. seeing her head thrown back with her hair a mess made you whimper around her cock.

“look at you so desperate. play with yourself, baby. want you to cum with me.” you pushed your panties to the slide and started rubbing your swollen clit. the pleasure plus paige rocking her hips into your mouth made you so dizzy.

she hissed and stopped, “sit on my face, i need that pussy in my mouth.”

you slipped your panties off and hovered over paige’s mouth. she slapped your ass and wrapped her arms around your legs to bring you right on her mouth.

“suck on this too, doll,” you suck the cherry red candy before her strap goes back into your mouth.

with every grunt that came out of her lips almost sent you over the edge. “just like that, baby. let me use that mouth, fuck.”

you rolled your hips on her tongue hitting your clit on the right spot. you felt yourself getting closer when paige used her tongue to fuck your hole.

her hands tightened around your thighs letting you know she was close too. her hips quickened making you gag around her cock. “are you close, baby?”

you could only nod and hum with your mouth full of her. paige used her thumb to rub your clit and her tongue to tease your hole.

“fuck, baby doing so good for me. gonna let me cum in that pretty mouth? i know you’ve been wanting all night.”

paige’s words and tongue make you whimper around her and send you over the edge. it doesn’t take her long to follow. she uses one had to keep your head down on her cock while she rides out her orgasm.

once she released your head, she tapped your thigh signaling to get off. you sigh as soon as your body hits the bed. “you did so good, doll,” paige kisses your forehead and lips with a soft smile. her blue eyes filled with love.

her praise always made your cheeks heat up. “how are you feeling?”

“fuuuuuck! i’m feeling so good baby,” she nestled into your neck and kissed up to your jaw to your lips.

she sees the lollipop in your hand still, “and for this, we’re going to need to by some more so i can see your pretty lips around it.”

[danikamariewrites]

Babying Azriel Headcanon

Azriel x reader

A/n: just some hc about showing Az some love. I’ve missed writing just for Azzy so enjoy this

Warnings: none

In public and in front of the IC Azriel is very affectionate with you

He does not shy away from PDA

But behind closed doors this male CLINGS to you

Like he is so in love with you it’s not even funny and you make sure Az knows he is loved

You basically pavloved him into needing your touch

You always throw our self at him when he comes him, jumping into his arms and telling him how happy you are to have him home and in your arms

He doesn’t move from the entry way unless he sees you running at him

Az does understand that you won’t always be home when he gets there and he does come home late some nights

He does get sad when you can’t hug him first thing though

Whenever he frowns it breaks your heart. You always have to fix that immediately

Az came home from Windhaven with his brothers one evening, just in time for dinner. Nyx had ran up to his dad and uncle with you trailing not far behind. You waited until the little boy greeted them for you to throw yourself at Az. He looked so worn down you considered not throwing yourself into his arms. Once Az saw you his face lit up! He stood ready, arms open and knees bent a little, ready to pick you up and hold you tight to his chest.

You launch yourself at him, jumping and wrapping your arms and legs around Azriel. “Azzy! I missed you!” You place kisses all over his face. He doesn’t care that Cassian and Rhys are watching. Azriel basks in your love and attention. Once you’re done he buries his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your calming scent. Cass and Rhys’s jaws drop as you talk to him in a babying voice that you use when you’re alone. You just can’t help it!

Kisses kisses kisses all of the kisses for Az always!

Frowning? Kisses all over his face until he’s giddy

Before bed kisses or he cannot sleep

Sometimes you’ll jokingly forget, just rolling over and saying goodnight sweetly. “AH” Az yells, “where is my goodnight kiss little miss?” You giggle, “Huh? What are you talking about?” Az pulls you on top of him and he kisses you hard, never letting up until you hold him back

Morning kisses and goodbye kisses before he leaves for training/work. “Bye Azzy, I love you.” You say pecking his lips quickly. Az isn’t fully satisfied with your little peck, pulling you by your waist flush to his front he kisses you deeply

You’re the own who’s supposed to flustering him! When he lets go your cheeks are pink and you’re out of breath, waving goodbye as he sends you a wink while leaving

Packing him lunch if he’s out all day even if it’s just at the house of wind

You add a note with his food telling him how much you love him

Az swears his teeth are going to fall out if you keep baking him treats. But he would be so sad if you ever stopped baking or packing him lunches with little notes he would cry his eyes out

You make sure all of his weapons are clean and organized

I know for a fact Azriel likes things clean and organized and if he had a label maker he would use the shit out of it

When he comes home from long missions you don’t let him lift a finger! That is unacceptable, he’s just spent days Mother knows where, in an uncomfortable spot and is disgusting

You always have a bath ready for him along with a towel that you warmed by the fire

You wash his hair and massage his neck and shoulders. He washes himself though, he doesn’t want you doing all of the work

Most nights you insist on him laying on top of you because you like holding him close and running your fingers through his silky hair

When he’s sick Azriel really plays it up just to get more attention from you

You make him soup and tea, you even spoon feed him while he lays in bed

“I think I’m warm will you feel my forehead?” Az knows full well he’s burning up from his small fever he just wants to feel your cool hand on his skin. You make sure to touch his forehead and cup his cheeks

You tuck him in making sure he’s all warm and snuggly

When he’s feeling better he still acts sick for an extra day because he isn’t ready to leave the comfort of your care just yet

[smallandalmosthonest]

i’m just saying if i had to write a final bucktommy scene at the end of s7

i’d probably have a full-circle moment of them at a romantic restaurant, this time they’re holding hands and buck only has eyes for tommy. they only pull apart when the bill comes (buck pays without hesitating)

and as they’re getting up and tommy’s helping buck into his jacket, buck remembers, oh, and asks if tommy can drop him off at eddie’s instead of the loft; he promised he’d pop over to play this new video game chris diligently saved his allowance for

and tommy says of course, he says sure, and he smiles but there’s something… else behind it. not malice, not quite sorrow, not resignation. maybe resolve? nothing buck can identify, but we see him clock it with a tiny, inquiring head tilt, a question in his eyes. tommy just smiles at him, hand on his lower back, guiding him out of the restaurant.

cut to them pulling up in front of the diaz house; Buck unbuckles his seat belt, leans over to kiss tommy goodnight, and tommy… lingers. just a second too long. he’s playing the same cautious beat we saw after their first kiss. buck doesn’t let it go this time.

so buck invites tommy to come join them for a while, to come play games. he clearly doesn’t want to leave him like this. and tommy, always clever, makes a quip about buck inviting him into someone else’s house.

buck hedges, because it’s not “someone else’s” house, not really, it’s eddie’s house. maybe buck says something about it being more of a home than the loft is?

and tommy’s got that look again. and buck, a little scared now, asks him what’s wrong. and tommy takes his hand and says “evan… i —“

“wait, tommy, don’t —“

“i think we need to talk.”

cut to inside the diaz house: chris answers the door, and buck looks… hollow, maybe. eddie comes around the corner and immediately asks chris to get the game set up while he talks to buck for a minute.

chris goes, shooting buck a concerned look. eddie gets close, asks buck if he’s okay. buck just barely shakes his head, tears in his eyes, and eddie immediately shuffles him to his room, closing the door behind them, giving them privacy.

“tommy just broke up with me.” he says it before eddie can even ask.

and eddie is shocked, concerned, because what happened? they were good, so good, buck had even said that he was really falling for him —

“yeah… he said the same thing.” and buck’s really not trying to hold back the tears but he’s not exactly crying, it’s more like the tears are just happening while his mind is elsewhere. “he said he doesn’t want to fall in love with me.”

and now eddie’s getting pissed, because what the hell? why wouldn’t he want to fall in love with him? was he — was he afraid of commitment, or did he want — ?

but buck cuts him off, barely listening to eddie, and says “he said he didn’t want to fall in love with me when i’m… already in love. with someone else.”

and then buck, breath shaky, looks at eddie for the first time since he came into the house. “eddie?” he asks, and its fragile and terrified and somehow both hopeful and hopeless, “am i in love with you?”

and we just see eddie hear this. and he opens his mouth to say something, anything, and —

roll credits.

[imwetforyourmom]

not her

warnings: swearing, jealousy, crying, comparison, not proofread

a/n: yall seem like super excited about this series and im all for it tf

a/n 2: if ts is lowk sad, thats my fault, it was an accident I was listening to partially sad music and rlly got into it

PREVIOUS CHAPTER ~~~ NEXT CHAPTER

~

over the past few days, matt and amelias friendship had gotten closer, while y/n and matts was no less than just the title of ‘dating’. they didnt hang out, they didnt talk much and they didnt go on dates. but when y/n did ask matt to do anything, it was always ‘cant. im with amelia’ or ‘cant. ill be with amelia then’. it was always amelia this, amelia that. but never ‘sure baby! i totally want to hangout with my girlfriend’

y/n was fucking over it. she wanted to talk with matt about this all. she wasnt fucking gonna deal with het own boyfriend not acting like her boyfriend.

so, thats where she found herself, standing behind matt where he sat with amelia next to him. it was very obvious was she was being more than friendly to him, her hand was caressing his arm and her eyes were staring deeply into his. y/n bit her lip, fighting back the urge to bitch slap amelia.

y/n ran her hands through matts hair, annoucing her presence. matt flinched at the sudden touch, whipping his head around to look at who had just touched his hair. his eyes softening and a small smile creeping onto his lips when he saw who it was.

“matt? can we talk please?” y/n asked, her eyes studying matts features, god how she missed being this close to him, to be able to admire him.

matt turned his head to look at amelia, before looking back at y/n, “im talking with amelia, maybe later?” he asked. remorse present in his voice.

y/n moved her hand away from him and took a step back from them, refusing to look at amelia, as her eyes glossed over and a lump in her throat grew. breathing grew harder and she knew talking wouldnt be any easier.

“y- yeah. thats fine.” she mumbled, her voice breaking, she took a breath in. and began walking away, but not before saying a quick “I love you” to him out of instinct. she took slower steps away, expecting one back, she wanted to hear him say he loved her too.

but when she didnt hear one back and only heard him resume talking to amelia, her eyes immediately lost all control over the tears in her eyes, the hot tears running down her cheeks faster than she could comprehend. she held her breath, trying to make no sound obvious to the sobs she wanted to let out. but she couldnt let matt know how upset she was about this, and she certainly didnt want amelia feeling the satisfaction of making her cry.

y/n moved quickly, leaving the library where that entire interaction went down and pushed past the doors of the school, walking quick to her car.

she opened the door and sat inside, closing it the door and immediately breaking down, her sobs being loud, her tears being fast as they poured down her cheeks and her breathing incredibly hard.

she couldnt fucking believe it, her own boyfriend chose some other girl over her.

the boy she used to kiss goodnight and sleep in his arms every weekend, the boy she used to be able to come to and expect not to be lonely, the boy she knew she could come to when she was upset or when she just wanted company. but now she wasnt sure if she could, matt only wanted to be with amelia and not y/n.

does he understand how much he meant means to y/n? hes the reason shes not lonely, he was the reason she was able to fall asleep so peacefully at night, he was the reason she was happy everyday, so content with life and now she couldnt have that anymore because of that stupid fucking girl. stupid fucking bitch named amelia.

she took him away from her and she didnt know what to do. its obvious matt wasnt interested in y/n and was only interested in amelia and what she wanted to say or do, not the girl he dedicated his life to, not the girl he told ‘im yours’, not the girl he used to say ‘I love you’ to every time he possibly could.

y/n just wasnt her, not amelia, not what matt wanted, she didnt have beautiful green eyes like amelia did, she didnt have that lovely orange color of hair amelia did, she didnt have naturally beautiful freckles covering her skin like amelia did. amelia was her, and y/n wasnt.

y/n only cried harder, pulling her knees to her chest and hiding her face in her knees, sobs escaping her throat. being so gutural, it scratched her throat with each sound leaving her lips. but that didnt compare with the aching pain she felt in her chest, the lump in her throat being so big she could barely breathe.

what matt had dismissed earlier so easily wasnt so easy to handle with for y/n. all she wanted was matt to be her boyfriend and act like it.

she wanted to dial his number and call him, but she couldnt run to him like she always did. he wasnt going to be there for her like he always was, but he was going to be there for amelia.

a pit in her stomach formed with the overgrowing urge to run to matt, her body so familar with always going to matt, being so familar with his hands rubbing her back as sweet words left his lips, his voice lulling her to the warm hug of being okay. but she couldnt have him, she couldnt have the same comforting feeling he brought her.

she wanted him, she needed him but he wasnt within her arms reach anymore and she felt sick. sick with words she wanted to tell him. sick with the need of feeling matts touch. sick to her stomach with just wanting matt in her prescense, he wouldnt even have to do anything. she just wanted him with her with the gentle reminder he wanted her too and in the same room, but instead he was talking with another girl, giving his attention to another girl.

‘another girl, another girl’ was all y/n heard, her thoughts screaming into her ears.

1107 words.

@luverboychris @chrissturniolosfavoritesexdoll @meg-sturniolo @junnniiieee07 @genshin-addict @mels22lunchbox @ssilentzom @haunted-headset @dollyspsychoxo @sturnib-tch @b2cute @livvy4realll @graysturns @wh0resstuff @jnkvivi @mattsmad @sturn-bugz @sleepysturnss @xbabyd0lli3x @norr1ssturni0lo @nayveetbhh @jamiesturniolo

[euijoosorangeslice]

are you taking sunoo smut reqs? can i req reverse idol au where (dom)sunoo is the reader’s fan who catches her eye during a concert & it leads them fucking backstage?

kim sunoo x reader

V. I. P

you were doing your encore stage, in your tight skirt and small top with frills all over. being a solo artist, you practically could wear whatever you’d like at your concerts. you sat on the edge of the stage, dangerously close to all your fans. waving at them as you sang, you leaned in to one in specific. he had beautiful blonde hair, and the most gorgeous face you could have ever seen. you two held eye contact, watching him smirk as he licked his lips

you giggled, leaning forward and tugging on his collar. you pulled out a marker, writing your number on his white button up, with a small smiley face at the end. you pulled away, on your knees on stage and finished your song. no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop gravitating towards his presence. it had to have been a once in a lifetime experience to meet someone as beautiful as him.

as the show came to a close, you gave your fans one last goodbye as they were leaving the venue. of course, you rushed backstage to check your phone. just as you arrived, your phone began to ring. you chirped in excitement, picking it up immediately.

a sweetly toned voice began speaking from the other end. “hey beautiful. im at the back door waiting, if you want to put my v.i.p pass to use.” you giggled, opening the back door to reveal that same sexy, blonde devil from earlier. you pulled him inside, going into one of your changing room that you used in between sets.

he smashed his lips against yours harshly, feeling up your thighs as you whined in his grasp. his firm grip on your inner thighs made you feel hot, almost grinding into the touch. you opened your eyes, pressing your thighs together in an attempt to feel a little more pleasure. he chuckled, removing his shirt and unbuckling his belt that was holding his jeans up. “let’s see if the sex is as good as you look.” he muttered, rubbing the back of your thighs. he lifted you onto a nearby table, placing you on the edge.

but by now, all you could think of is how nice he would feel inside of you. without thinking, you pulled off your panties (which were already pooling with your arousal), and lifted up your skirt to reveal your core to him. the room was cold, which made you shiver from the feeling against your folds. things were moving fast, but you didn’t have any complaints. he began kissing your thighs, licking and sucking as you tried to resist the temptation to moan.

“i can tell your holding back, baby. just let me help you relax.” he whispered, rubbing your folds slowly. he spread your legs even farther as he dipped his head down and began licking up all of your slick. you pushed his head deeper in, relishing the feeling of your heat being eagerly sucked at. “please, please make me cum.” you begged, voice high as you stuttered out another moan. this couldn’t be real. this had to be some weird dream you were having.

he sucked your clit, slipping one of his fingers inside of you and pumping it in and out repeatedly. your legs began to shake, pleasure increasing as he added another finger. “never thought you’d taste this sweet.” he spoke against your clit, making you whine and roll your hips. “more, more.” you chanted, brain corrupted from the nature of your actions. no dream could ever imitate the feeling of his plush lips against your clit. he looked up at you through your legs, your body tensing.

his fingers sped up inside of you, making you almost cry from pleasure as you came. your legs shook harsher than ever, head falling back against the wall as you moaned loudly. you could only hear him steadily slurping as more and more of your juices began to leak out of you. before you could come down from your high, he dropped his boxers and slowly slid himself inside of your hole.

“so sorry, precious. i just couldn’t wait any longer.” truly, you had no complaints, since you have been wanting this for what felt like forever now. his slow pace was short-lived, because as soon as you reacted positively, he sped up. his hips rocked into you harshly, making you gasp for air as your body was pressed in between his and the wooden table. you moaned as he used his fingers to toy with your clit, making the table rock against the wall as he thrusted rhythmically. you weren’t the only one making sounds, because his grunts were almost louder than you.

you couldn’t believe how easily you had landed yourself here. getting dicked down by a stranger you had just met no more than an hour ago. but this stranger felt unmatched to any sexual experience you’d ever had, making you grab onto his shoulders as he rocked deeper into you. “yes, yes, ah- fuck yes.” you couldn’t stop yourself from repeating as he kept hitting deep inside of you. you noticed his movements becoming less organized, and by his groans you guessed he was getting close too.

“i-im cumming!” you squealed, feeling your orgasm slam across you like a rouge wave. the pressure that had built up in your abdomen had released, making you spray the man in front of you as you came. he let out one last moan, burrowing himself deep inside of your walls to finish. you dropped your body weight, the man holding you close to him. as you came down from your high, you started to admire his face a little longer. suddenly, realization hit you.

you had just let a complete stranger have sex with you before you even knew their name.

but as if he could read your mind, he spoke out.

“sunoo. kim sunoo. and you might want to think twice about letting random men fuck you unprotected.”

so this devil was in fact real, and he did have a name.

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 15: What Do You Know About Love?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter fifteen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 6.5K (I got carried away again)

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Crying,  Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC, Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

**************************************

Present Day *Reader POV*

The shopping bags that hung from your arms would have been heavy for the average person, but for you it seemed like a bag full of pillows. It was the day after you saw Rosemary and said goodbye. Despite the almost excruciating hangover you had this morning, because it'd been almost forty years since you last had a drink, you dragged yourself to the mall to try and find outfits for your trip to Russia. You were satisfied with the few outfits you found, but you were worried because the plane left in a few hours and you were no where near ready.

Mentally or physically.

As much as you wanted to go help Ben, you still were apprehensive about the whole situation, not just about going in blind, but wondering what the hell you were going to do when you saw Ben. You wanted to hold on to your anger, but you were afraid that the moment you looked into his green eyes you would forgive him.

I am not going to forgive him. I'm going to break him out then tell him to fuck off and I never have to see him ever again.

Despite your apprehension, you knew that you had to do this, that you had to go help him even if you still hated him because you couldn't bear the thought of the boy you grew up with being tortured over there all alone. It was the alone part that hurt the most. You knew how much Ben hated being alone. He never had to say it out loud, but all the time you'd spent together in your bedroom before and after the injection spoke volumes.

Of course you still had no idea where you were going, but figured that if you went to the Kremlin you could get some answers, which meant you'd either have to lie your way in or just kill anyone in your path. Which would be messy, but necessary. You try to shake off the guilt of exposing yourself again and what that could mean for Rosemary and Lou. You made sure that Rosemary knew to pack a bag for herself and for Lou and told her to wait for your call.

You wanted to be there to escort them out of the city, didn't want to split up and have them get snagged while you were waiting for them at the rendezvous point, so you told Rosemary to take a few days off and lay low.

When you get to the outside door of your apartment building toting the bags, you notice that it's been broken, as if someone tried to pull it off its hinges.

Well that's great. Hopefully the building manager noticed that.

Your mind drifts back to Ben as you step into the elevator.

What if he isn't alive when I get there? It was an unwelcome thought, but it meant that you wouldn't have to talk to him.

 Maybe if I knock him out when I get there and just leave him in a Russian motel somewhere, I won't have to talk to him. You pause. Will he want to talk to me? 

The memory of the last time you spoke flashes through your mind bringing an unmeasurable amount of rage and heartbreak back over your body. The dam you built to keep out everything that happened was reaching capacity, especially given the recent events with Countess, and you knew that the moment you saw Ben it was going to burst open. You hoped that you'd be able to keep it together long enough to get out of the lab or wherever the hell he was being held, before you lost it. But it was doubtful.

As you walk down the hallway to you apartment, you notice that your front door is open and you stop walking. Apprehension spikes at the back of your mind as you examine the door. The lock is broken and  door is cracked just enough for you to hear people talking inside in hushed tones. You creep forward and look through the crack.

You've got to be kidding me. You groan to yourself noticing Butcher and Hughie standing in your living room.

Great. Just what I need. Right when I'm going to leave they show up. Guess that explains the mystery of the broken door downstairs.

You think about walking away, of going back down the elevator and hoping that by the time you come back they would be gone, but you knew you had to face them and you still had to pack. So you push open the front door of your apartment and step into the room.

"You know when I called saying that I had something else to say about Soldier Boy, I assumed you would call, not break into my apartment." You sigh before moving to the right side of the counter that divides the room between the living room and the kitchen and depositing the shopping bags on the stainless steel top.

"Maybe you shouldn’t leave your apartment unlocked poppet. Anyone could walk in." Butcher replies with a grin.

"Hmm. Sure. You guys here for more coffee?"

"Go shopping did you?" Butcher ignores your snark eyeing the bags.

"Yeah I needed a few new outfits for my art show next month." The lie is easy, but you know that the sudden appearance of the two of them probably meant you were caught red handed. Of course now with everything that happened with Countess, you didn't care anymore if Butcher and Hughie knew who you really were. "You doing okay there Hughie?" You raise an eyebrow as you notice how his heartbeat has spiked since you entered the apartment.

"Good." He says, but he looks uneasy.

Well, guess he's afraid of me now.

"Huh. And here I thought you were replacing your jacket." Butcher throws your ruined jacket onto the floor between you.

You look from the jacket to Butcher. You hadn't bought a replacement and hadn't wanted to throw it out. You were still hoping that the scorch marks looked like you had "distressed" it. It didn't and you knew that, but you loved that coat so much.

"See, I think it’s a big coincidence that Countess got right fucked after we came and talked to you." Butcher smiles.

"Probably the same coincidence as Gunpowder dying before you showed up here the first time." You breeze with a tight-lipped smile.

Where was he going with this? Was he here to kill me? You think about what Legend said about Butcher killing supes.

"That looks bad." Butcher gestures to the jacket. "You have a little spat with your good friend?”

"Let's just say she said a few things that upset me." Your eyes skate from Butcher to Hughie sizing them up. "If you're here to kill me, you're welcome to try. Oh sorry,  'arrest me'." You make air quotes around the words. "But we both know you're not government agents, you reek of Compound V and the last time I checked there was that whole, no supes in the government thing."

"Wouldn't it have been easier to get this out of the way the first time?" Hughie asks.

"I didn't want to be involved." You shrug your shoulders.

"Then why you'd buy a plane ticket to Russia?" Butcher takes a step towards you, but you hold your ground.

You weren't afraid of him.

"I hear it's nice this time of year. Not too hot, not too cold. Very pleasant." You snap back at him eyes narrowed, before you look down at the antique watch on your wrist. "Look I'd love to have a heart to heart, but I just don't have time to do this little dance with you. So we can either get to the part where you try to kill me or-" You raise your gaze from the watch to glare back at Butcher, but then your eyes focus on the hallway behind him and your heart stops.

Ben is standing there in the shadows looking at you the same way he always has, with those wonderful piercing green eyes that makes all other memories of them be put to shame. He's dressed in modern clothes, wearing a dark green shirt that hugs his perfect muscular chest and is the same color of his suit, your favorite color and the one you can never look at without thinking of him because damn it, it's also the color of his eyes. He looks the same, but different. His hair is longer and darker than it was the last time you saw him and his cheeks are covered by a trimmed but thick beard. It was unusual given that you'd never seen him with more than just a little bit of stubble and annoying because it makes him look even more ruggedly handsome, but despite the piercing way his eyes follow you, you can see a haunting memory of the last forty years.

You're upset that the one of the first thoughts you'd had beside staring at him open mouthed is that you wished you were wearing something more flattering than one of your pairs of paint splattered overalls over an old band t-shirt. You were going to Russia to get him and yes maybe you were shopping for things that you could move in, but you had picked out a particular revenge outfit that you believed would make Ben regret everything he did to you and also might have been paired with a particularly badass set of boots that made your legs look very long. The outfit that made you feel beautiful and sexy was unlike the one you were wearing at the moment. Also because you hadn't brushed your hair today and had just stuck it up in a messy bun at the back of your head.

You're struck with the urge to run to him and kill him at the same time, but you can't move and you can’t think.

Apart of you believed that you would find him dead in Russia, a sad thought but it meant that you wouldn't have to relive everything all over again. Everything that went to shit the last 24 hours you spent together that you relived with Countess the other day and now you were reliving when you looked at him standing there looking better than he should.

Because damn it, only Ben could be tortured in a lab for the past 40 years and walk away looking like a GQ model. I've never hated anyone more.

"Ben?" Your voice is no more than a hoarse whisper.

Ben pushes past Hughie and Butcher, taking careful steps towards you like he doesn't want to scare you away. "Y/n." The sound of your name on his lips fills you with an inescapable amount of warmth.

Traitor. You think to yourself at your body’s reaction.

He's standing so close to you now that you can smell the same shampoo and aftershave he always used and it brings back memories of the nights he spent in your bed with you laughing and talking like nothing had changed making you feel alive again for the first time in forty years. Before everything went into the blender set to puree.

Ben's eyes trace your body like he can't believe you're standing in front of him making you wish again that you're wearing the outfit you picked out so that you could look as good as he does. And just as he raises his hand towards your face you remember why you hated him, remember that night, remember what Countess said that caused her to lose her head.

Your hand flashes out so quick you don't think Ben notices it until it lands with a resounding slap against his cheek that sends him reeling back from you. Your strengths were similar, almost identical, and if he hadn't been invulnerable it would have ripped his perfect jaw from his face.

"What the fuck was that for?" Ben snaps, green eyes blazing as he looks back at you.

"You've got some nerve coming back here after all these years." You spit, the anger rising in your chest with wings of fury that beat against your ribcage. "Did you really think that you could just say my name again and make me forget everything that happened Benjamin? I am not one of those trashy women that you used to fuck and the fact that you think you can show up here, give me the fucking puppy dog eyes, and think that I’ll swoon, is ridiculous!”

There goes the dam.

Your gaze levels on Hughie and Butcher who look just as stunned. "And you two. Why did you bring him here? I didn’t want any part of this!”

"Why did you pretend to be dead!" Hughie shouts back.

"Did you think that maybe that was me trying to tell you that I didn't want to be involved? Or are you two just that fucking stupid?"

"Why did you buy a plane ticket then?" Butcher asks again, raising an eyebrow.

Ben is watching you with anger burning in his eyes. It's difficult for you to look at him. Every time you do you think about your last night together, the morning after when he pushed you away, and finally the night where he ripped out your heart and stomped all over it.

How did I ever think I could look at him again when I got him out of Russia?

"Because even though I hate him. He doesn't deserve that. The Ben I knew would have come to get me, and I wasn't going to leave him to rot in some fucking Russian prison." You snap back. "Now get out of my apartment."

"Sweetheart-" Ben begins to say.

"No. No. No. I don't want to hear it from you. Nothing you can say can make this better. I’m glad you’re free or whatever, but go. Get out." You push past him, but Ben's hand flashes out and grabs your wrist with enough force that you feel the bruising of your skin.

"No." He towers over you.

"Let. Me. Go." Your eyes narrow shifting to bright purple. The entire room begins to tremble, the glass windows shake in their panes and the glass jars full of paint brushes on your studio table begin to clink against one another. But he doesn't remove his hand.

"Not until you listen." Ben's own green eyes have hardened into a emerald.

You latch onto the wrist that is holding you and break his grip, before spinning and throwing him backward across the room away from you. Ben's body flies past Hughie and Butcher who watch with wide eyes as he hits the back of the couch and pinwheels over it with a loud thud as he lands on the cushions. You would have rather thrown him into the brick living room wall, but you restrained yourself.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say Benjamin. You said enough that night and apparently you were saying lots of things to Countess about me. So get out." Your eyes skate across Butcher and Hughie. "All of you."

Hughie is still watching you with wide eyes, like he can't believe that just happened.

Join the club kid.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ben shouts, standing from the couch and straightening his clothes. You don't need to be a psychic to know how angry he is. In fact, you're surprised he's not throwing you out the window or at least throwing a punch. Ben didn't tolerate it when anyone put him in his place and it definitely looks like it's taking him an extreme amount of effort not to attack you, given the way his hands are clenched into fists and the way his jaw is tensed so tightly you can see the muscle flexing.

"She told me what you said about me. That you threw me a pity fuck because you felt sorry for me, that you were bored when we had sex because I was so inexperienced."

"It's not true."

"Isn’t it?" You're trying desperately not to cry, but the angry tears have already begun to well up in your eyes. "The last thing you sad to me was that I was pathetic and that you never would love me, never could love me. That you fucked me because you felt bad for me and you wished I would just fuck off. That I was just another warm pussy and that I meant nothing to you. So forgive me for not believing you."

"Oh shit." Butcher mutters under his breath.

"Damn." Hughie echoes.

"I know what I said to you, Y/n. I've spent the past 40 years regretting it-" Ben begins to say, but you interrupt him.

"Oh I'm so sure. The Great Soldier Boy actually has a conscience, let me just alert the media." You spit back. "Oh wait, sorry you wouldn't want that getting out would you Ben? Because that would mean you aren't a man."

"Y/n-" He growls.

"You don't get to come in here and apologize and act like you did nothing wrong. You're not here because you feel sorry, you're here because you want me to dote on you, to follow you around and give a shit like I did for 40 fucking years.”

“Y/n-“

"Stop saying my name like that!" You shout and the glass sugar dish on the counter flies off the counter and smashes into the floor sending shards of glass everywhere.

Hughie flinches.

"Like what?" Ben exclaims.

"Like you care." You cross your arms over your chest staring him down because you don't want to keep crying.

"I do fucking care about you-" Ben snaps running his hand through his dark hair frustrated.

"No you don't. You never did. You’ve made that perfectly clear.”

"Yes I do."

"Please stop talking."

"What else do you want me to say?" Ben shouts back, moving towards you. "I'm trying to fucking apologize-"

"I don't want you to say anything and I don't want to hear your half-assed apology! I want you to leave. You and your creepy friends." You gesture back to where Hughie and Butcher are watching with open mouths, who are unsure if they should leave or watch the show.

"They're not my friends."

"And neither am I! Which means I don’t have to listen to anything you have to say!”

"Y/n please-" His teeth are gritted together.

“I'm not some fangirl Ben. I was your friend, your friend before any of this. Before any of this fucking supe shit. I cared about you. I had been in love with you since I was 8. I had taken care of you since the night we met." More tears squeeze down your cheeks as a lifetime of happy memories before everything went down the drain wash over you. The wonderful times you'd shared together at the park, in your bedroom back in Philadelphia, dancing in the dancehall,  at baseball games and Ben walking you home all the while you wobbled down the street drunkenly and sang off key. All the blissful little moments that you thought maybe he felt the same way about you and then followed by the moments you spent together the night of your birthday, when you felt more special and loved than you'd ever had. It makes the knife he stuck in your back even sharper. 

"That night we spent together meant everything to me. I thought it was special and I thought you loved me. But you don't. You just fucked me because you were bored and you found the first person who said yes.” Your body turns away, but he grabs you by the shoulders to make you look at him.

"I do love you damnit!" He shouts. "I didn't want to-" Ben's jaw clenches in frustration, looking back at Butcher and Hughie. "Can you two just fuck off?"

"I wish you all would." You say, trying to loosen his grip on your shoulders, but he doesn't let go. You think about throwing him across the room again, because it made you feel a lot better.

"Fine. We'll be outside." Butcher says tugging Hughie away.

"Are you sure?" Hughie asks looking from you to Ben as if he's worried to leave the two of you alone.

"You want to be here? Because they're either going to kill each other or start fucking." Butcher responds.

"We are not going to start-" You begin, but they're already out the front door of your apartment leaving you alone with Ben, who is still holding on to your shoulders.

"Please listen to me." Ben says looking deep into your eyes. "When you said that you loved me it-" He stops looking for the right word as if he can't say the next ones that come out of his mouth. "Oh fuck it, it fucking scared me. Okay?  It scared me, Y/n, and damnit I'm not a pussy! I'm not afraid of anything!"

“Oh no you could never be a pussy could you? Soldier Boy could never admit that he had real feelings for someone.” Your voice wobbles, tears trailing down your cheeks as you poke him in the chest to emphasize every word. “And now you’re just saying what I want to hear, because you want to have another quick fuck!” You push your hands against his chest trying to push him off of you, but he won't let go. "You're just saying it because its been forty years since you had sex and you thought, huh might as well find the most pathetic person I know, Y/n won't say no if I pretend to be everything she wanted again."

He doesn't mean it. He doesn't love me.

"I’m not lying to you! And I’m not pretending! I wasn't pretending that night either!” Ben roars so loudly you flinch. “That night I felt things with you that I had never felt with anyone else. It wasn't cheap sex or a quick fuck-" His jaw tightens as if he's embarrassed to admit it. "Damn it.” His teeth are gritted together. “We made love. I understood that when I woke up the next morning and I was happy to be there with you. I knew that I loved you and I wanted to tell you, but I fucked it all up instead. I fucked Countess because I was scared of what loving you meant. But I’m ready now, I’m not scared anymore. I love you!”

He's saying everything you always wanted him to, but you're scared. Scared that he's just saying it, that he thinks it's what you want to hear and this is the only way that he can get you back into his life because he needs someone to follow him around, because he can't be alone.

You stand there for a minute taking in his stance. His head is slightly bowed in shame, shoulders tight, body leaning towards you. But then you catch his eye, you see the sorrow, frustration, and pain in his gaze. Ben was not big on sharing feelings and for him to admit all of these things aloud was shocking enough without the obvious emotions flashing in his eyes. It was so different than the stoic or pissed off attitude he usually had when he was Soldier Boy. The look in his eyes is so earnest and Ben has never been a good liar, not to you anyway. You always knew what he was thinking.

If I forgive him then what does that mean? I forget the past 40 years like they never happened? I forget all the tears when he broke my heart? Forget how broken I was? How broken I still am?

You think of all the times you missed him, all the times you forgot about what he said to you and remembered the good, all the times you wanted him there with you and Rosemary because you knew he would love to be there. All the early memories together, all the missions, everything that lead up to the falling out and Ben’s supposed death. Ben's admission of guilt and his confession of love for you was shocking. Especially because the Ben you knew 40 years ago would have rather dropped dead than say the words "make love."

No. I won't give in. I can't do this, I can't do this all over again. I was better, I was moving on, he doesn't have the right to come here and mess up my life all over again.

"No." You shout, shoving him away with all your strength. Ben stumbles backward, his eyes wide as if he wasn't expecting you to push him away, because of course he wasn't. “You don’t know anything about love. You’re just saying that because you know it’s what I want to hear, what I’ve always wanted you to say to me.”

He still doesn't understand how much he hurt me. And he doesn't deserve my forgiveness.

“I’m not just saying that, it’s true. Please y/n-“

"I don't believe you. And when I said I never wanted to see you ever again I wasn't lying. So get out Ben!" You shout.

"No. I love you and I'm not leaving." Ben says back determined.

You weren't prepared for what those words did to you. You weren't prepared for the floodgate of emotions that exploded the moment those words passed through his lips or the way it felt like you were being tugged in two different directions. Because despite wanting to throw him across the room again, those three little words made you want to run into his arms and hold him close, made you want him to take you to bed and make you forget all the shitty things that happened forty years ago, make it like he never left.

But you couldn't do it. As much as you wanted to forgive him, you couldn't because you didn't trust him anymore, you didn't trust that he could give you what you wanted.

“Too bad! I won’t do this to myself again. All I did was care about you, help you. I stood by you and made excuses for the person you became and I held on to this picture of the boy you used to be. The one I fell in love with. The one that used to climb in my window when things were hard. The one that took me to my first baseball game. The one who danced with me. The one that made me feel like less of a freak because he understood me. And the one that begged me to leave Howard and everything I knew and come with him. That night we were together I saw that boy again.  I loved that boy. I would have done anything for him and I did. But he’s not here anymore. And I hate myself for holding on to him as long as I did.”

"But I told you I loved you!" Ben exclaims.

“Just saying that isn’t enough, not after everything that happened!” You shout. "You're forty years too late Benjamin. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m exhausted and I’m going to go to bed. And I don’t want you to be here when I wake up.”

"Y/n please-" You hate how he sounds when he says it, like he's broken, because Ben has never once sounded that way in all the years you'd known him. You hate how he looks. How his dark hair is falling forward into his face and he looks so much like the boy you used to love that it makes you want to scream, because you wanted to believe that he was gone, but all you see when you look up at him is that boy. There is not one shred of Soldier Boy in the way he looks right now and you hate that. You hate that you wanted to forgive him, that all it took was him looking like at you like that. But you still can't do it.

"Just go." Your throat thickening as you say it, fresh tears trailing down your cheeks. "I don't want you here. I never want you to come here ever. I never want to see you again.” You lie pushing past him and walk down the dark hallway, slamming and locking your bedroom door behind you. Your body sinks to the floor as you pull your knees up into your chest, sobs shaking your body and tears pour from your eyes.

How many tears can I spend on one man? How do I still have any left after all these years? How could I have been stupid to think that I was over him? That I could just go to Russia, break him out, and then push him out of my life so easily? None of what just happened was easy.

Your face presses into your knees. You want to call Rosemary, call her and tell her what happened, but your phone is still on the counter and you couldn't go back out there, because you knew he was still there. Standing in your living room looking too perfect after all these years and saying all the things you always wanted him to and you don’t want to go out there and forgive him.

So you stay. Your back pressed against the door, crying into your knees and hoping that this will just all end.

Because it’s got to one day right?

***************************************************

*Soldier Boy POV*

He hadn't meant to reach for you, but all he wanted was to feel the gentle swell of your cheek beneath the palm of his hand, the smoothness of your skin against his rough fingertips, and to memorize the planes of your face with his touch. You were even more beautiful than he remembered. Your curves perfectly accentuated by a pair of cute paint splattered overalls that made him smile, and your hair pulled away from your face in a messy bun but still made you look effortless and striking. When he saw you standing there, it was like taking a punch to the gut. He knew that he missed you, but seeing you there warm and alive made him want to crush you against his chest and never let you go ever again.

He had laid himself bare before you, allowing himself to push through the urge  to shove all his emotions back beneath the surface as his father taught him, and spoke, instead, the words he wished that he had said all those years ago.

Ben's shoulders tense when he thinks of what you shouted back at him, how broken you looked. His heart falls into the pit of his stomach when he remembers the tears in your eyes. Ben hated it when you cried. He also hated that the first time he saw you in forty years he made you cry, again.

He didn't know how to fix this. Ben thought that his apology would be enough to make you at least try to forgive him, but it hadn't. You had shoved him away from you, refused to let him touch you or comfort you-

Why is she so damn stubborn? I apologized! I told her that I loved her! Isn’t that what she wanted?

He grits his teeth together thinking about how you threw him across the room like he weighed nothing. If anyone else had done that to him, Ben would have killed them, but he knew that he deserved it. He knew you would be mad, but he thought that you would at least want to hear everything he had to say instead of cursing him out and slamming the door in his face.

When you slammed your door behind you, he had stood outside of it for an hour listening to you cry, heard your soft muffled sobs. At one point he leaned his head against the door and wished you would let him in so he could hold you while you cried, even though the thought made him feel like a pussy. He wanted to comfort you. He wished you had forgiven him, allowed him to take you to bed, allowed him to show you how sorry he was and how much he loved you. He wished that you let him help you forget the last shitty forty years that you spent without him, forget what he said and what he did to you that night. 

The harsh words you yelled at him make him flinch, when you told him that you didn't want him there and never wanted him to come back. They were the words that he always feared you would say to him when he climbed in through your window at night or when he showed up at your apartment when you were still on Payback. And hearing you say those words felt worse than anything those Russian fucks did to him. Because Ben didn't know where he belonged if he wasn't with you, he didn't know what to do if you weren't in his life, you were the only thing that mattered.

How could I fuck this up this much?

Ben looks back at the clock on the wall in the kitchen which shows he'd been there for three hours waiting for you to come out of your room, but you hadn't. He knew it was because you fell asleep, he could hear your heart beat, your soft breath against the pillows, and the almost silent sounds you made when you slept. They were exactly the same as when he would fall asleep next to you and damn it he didn't realize how much he missed them until this exact moment.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How do I fucking fix this?

Ben stands from the couch and walks down the hallway for the millionth time to stand outside your door preparing to knock, but he didn't know what to say. He thought that he'd said enough, but judging by your reaction he hadn't.

The thought of saying anything else was difficult for him to swallow. It was hard enough to say what he had to you, but he was realizing he was going to have to delve even deeper to make you even look at him again or want to be around him. 

Finally he goes to the front door of your apartment before he looks back down the hallway. He didn't want to leave, didn't want you to wake up and him not be there despite what you said about wanting him to leave. He wanted you to understand that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was never going to leave you ever again no matter how hard you tried to push him away. But he needed to leave now, not for long, just long enough for him to get what he needed.

He had seen the florist shop on the corner when Butcher drove up. As Ben walked down the street in the direction of the florist he remembered the conversation he had with Butcher after you slammed your door in his face. Convincing Butcher to let him remain in the apartment was difficult, but finally when Ben threatened to rip Hughie in half, Butcher relented stating that he would give Ben one night with you before he came back. That was the deal anyway, Ben had lied, because like hell he was going to leave now that he'd found you again.

Ben wasn't planning on leaving and  even if you couldn't stand to look at him, Ben would not go. Even if it meant sleeping on that shitty couch every night.

He would never leave you again.

The smell of the flowers wafted out of the small shop when Ben opens the door, his eyes skating across the numerous bouquets, each one more extravagant than the last. Other women would swoon over them, but not you. His eyes fall first on roses, but he turns away. He knew that you didn’t like roses, although many believed them to be classic, Ben knew that you thought over the years that roses had become generic and overused. He of course had sent some to numerous women over the years, but he liked that you were different. He always liked that about you. He rolls his eyes when he remembered when Howard bought you some every week.

Because of course that asshole didn’t know what y/n liked. No one knows her as well as me.

The man behind the counter eyes him when he walks in. "Can I help you find something sir?"

"No." Ben says gruffy looking at the displays again, but then he sighs. "Do you have any lavender?"

"Lavender?"

"Yeah." Ben knew it was the only thing that you would accept, knew that it was your favorite because it reminded you of the house your family rented over the summers up North. Ben hated those summers. He'd break into your bedroom and sleep in your bed while thinking of you and reading the letters you sent him over and over again, the ones that you pressed fresh lavender into and the ones that made him realize just how much he needed you.

Those of course weren’t the only letters you ever sent him. When he went to boarding school he’d wait for you to send him a letter and one of your doodles or a small painting. He kept every one in a cigar box under his bed. It was why he was kicked out of boarding school number nine, a fight he had with another student began because the student had found the box and then proceeded to mock Ben endlessly by passing around the letters you sent him. Ben had never told you what the fight was about.

Ben stops as he realizes how he’s going to get you to listen to him.

“Here you are sir.” The florist reappears at the counter holding a large vase of freshly cut lavender.

“Do you have a phone I can borrow?” Ben asks.

“Sure.”

The object the man hands him is not a phone, well not a phone that Ben’s ever seen before.

“I said a phone-“

“That is a phone?” The man looks confused.

“How do I fucking call someone with this?” Ben sighs shaking the black rectangle in his hand and looking for the buttons.

The man takes the object and swipes his fingers across it before handing it back to him so Ben can see the numbers to dial. “Just push what you want and hit the green button.” The man says, looking at Ben like he's crazy.

“Oh. Thanks.” He mutters, before dialing the number and holding the phone up to his ear.

Legend answers on the first ring.

“Hey it’s me. Do you still have all my old shit from my apartment?”

“Somewhere.”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.”

******************************************

N/A: Why not end on a cliffhanger? This chapter is a bit longer, because this week is CRAZY for me and I'm not sure when I'll be able to write the next chapter. But I'm not giving up on these two. They deserve the world.

Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you guys think. If you'd like to be added to my taglist, please let me know :)

Taglist: @roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303 @deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs @bughill126 @simplyfixated @sleepjam @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts @onlyangel-444 @lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan @marvel-mistress @my-obsession-spn @lifeonawhim @soldirboy @liuope @brynanna @abramswife @xxannyxx @babyinatrench-coat1 @the-gentle-spirit

[vivian-pascal]

I Don't Love You Anymore

joel x f!reader

summary: Joel had been with you for a while, you both had a nice house in New York City, he'd seen the way you'd look at him and he just knew that if he stayed for too long, you'd never find your true love. He knows he's way too old for you and you need a younger man, much younger. So he does something that will tear both you and him apart. Forever.

warnings: angst, crying, pushing and shoving, mention of what reader wears, reader slams her fists and they bleed.

authors note: i've been feeling really down in the dumps lately. I just feel like my life is slowly spiraling downhill. so I thought i'd write some lovely angst to pour my heart and soul out too!

Joel parks his truck on the driveway. Staying inside the car, thinking. Closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. He doesn't want to do this, god, he never ever thought he'd have to do this. Especially with you.

When you both met, you were in the airport and he had just gotten off his flight from Texas. He was heading to New York for a vacation. To get away from the suburbs and get into some classy skyscrapers.

You were walking with your phone in your hand and your headphones in. You didn't bother to look up and the next thing you know, you run into a person. Taking your headphones off, you look up to see a man.

He has salt and peppered hair, small gruff forming on his chin. You run your eyes down his entire body and instantly fall in love.

When he first saw you, he fell hard. Your small little body and the way you looked at him the day you met. He just couldn't stay away from you. He wanted to be with you every second, every hour, every day. He loved you with all his heart. You meant everything to him.

He reminisces on the days you two cuddled in bed together, laughing at each other's jokes. He chuckles to himself as he remembers you with whipped cream all over your face because he had dumped your head in cake since it was your birthday.

He turns the key in the ignition and opens the car door. Closing it, he rests his head on the window and breathes in one more time. He stands up and begins to walk to your door. He lifts his hand up and rests it on the door.

He knocks once. Patiently waiting for your sweet smile and that soft smell of your perfume. He sees the door open and there you are. His lovely girl. Standing there in a gorgeous flower dress, your hair is in a braid with little bows in the back. You smile up at him and he breathes in the smell of you for the last time.

He smiles shyly and you welcome him into your home. "Hey baby, what ya here for?" You twirl towards him and grab his hands. He pulls one back and rubs the back of his neck.

"Uh darlin', we need to talk." His face instantly twists as the small hint of fear crosses your face. "Oh." You gulp deeply as you let go of his hand. "Okay."

He walks into the living room and sits down on the lounge chair as you sit across from him on the couch. You look down at the floor and play with your hands. Waiting for him to say something.

He clears his throat and begins to speak. "I'm leaving. Tonight." Your face shoots up as your eyes instantly water. "What? When? What time? Why didn't you tell me earlier Joel? Where are you going?" His eyes become teary as he sees your panicked state. He never wanted to do this. Why is he doing this?

He closes his eyes and tries to blink away the tears. "I'm uh, heading back to Texas." You stand up and your eyes go back and forth between his face. "Joel what!? Why? I-I thought you liked it here. We have a house and-" He shushes you as he stands up and grabs your hands.

He stares down at your blood shot eyes looking into his. You look up at him mouth agape. "Are you breaking up with me?" It physically hurts him to hear the words. He closes his eyes and looks down. You remove your hands from his and look at him angrily.

"Is this what this is Joel? Your plan on breaking up with me!" He opens his eyes and sees your angry, teary, messy face. Your mascara running down your face and smudging the collar of your dress.

"Now, darlin', I-" "Don't you fucking call me that Joel." You scream at him and his face goes pale. He's never heard you yell like that before. It's like a dagger piercing through his heart over and over again.

You walk up to him and point your finger at his chest. "So all those memories we made meant nothing to you? Am I nothing to you Joel." He shakes his head and tries to back away. "No, you mean everythin to me. I don't know what I'd do if I never met you." You stand up straight and begin to chuckle.

"So if you loved me that much than why the fuck are you leaving me!" You push him and he hits the wall. Hard. Tears start falling from his eyes as he sees his girl a mess. You both just look at each other as you both cry.

He removes himself from the wall and slowly starts to walk towards you. "Don't you dare take another fucking move Joel. I swear to god." He stops in his tracks and stands a few feet away. "You don't deserve me. M'too old f'ya and I can barely do nothin'. M'not as excitin as I used to be when I was younger. You deserve someone who can take care of ya and be there f'ya when you get older." His southern drawl coming out stronger than ever as he cries.

You stare at him in distraught as he rubs his stray tears away. "Don't deserve you? Joel we've been together for two fucking years. If I didn't 'deserve' you, I would've left already." You walk towards him and grab his hands. You looks you in the eyes and shakes his head. He removes his hands and begins to walk to the door.

"Joel, where are you going? You can't just leave!" You run after him and grab onto his shirt. More tears fall from his face as he sees your tiny body trying to get him back. He opens the door and stops to look at you. "I'm sorry." He shuts the door but you immediately open it.

"Joel come back!" You run in the rain. Following him to his truck as he gets in it. You bang on the window as he backs off the driveway and leaves. You fall to your knees and scream and cry until your heart can't take it anymore. Soaking in the blankness of which was once full. You slam your fists onto the pavement of the driveway.

You pick them up to see that they're bleeding but you don't care. Nothing in your mind is making sense. 'Why'd he leave?.' 'Did he even love me?' 'Was this all a lie?'

You scream into the air and cry out. As Joel leaves, he can hear your horrid cries and bangs his hand on the window. Tears fall from his face as he sees your small body becoming a tiny speck. Nothing seems to matter anymore for him, or for you, because it seems as tho he never loved you.

tags!

@morallyinept @mermaidgirl30 @rav3n-pascal22 @mountainsandmayhem @amyispxnk @pinkcrystal44 @guelyury @iamsherloocked @itsokbbygrl @heartpascalispunk @littlevenicebitch69 @brittmb115 @kotourasan123 @simplewanderer @tupelomiss @heartramen @sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts @yorksgirl

[sqvishii]

Hi, so sorry to bother you again, I wanted to apologize for not fulfilling the conditions of your requests (I asked for one-shot's) and I think when I met your account I read how Silver would be as a father and I would like to ask for some HC's of Silver being your husband. There are not so many writings dedicated to Silver that make me fantasize with so many ideas and your way of writing is complete and has an essence that is very attractive to me. Obviously I don't want you to feel frustrated in accepting my request. Have a nice day!

AWW UR SO SWEET IM GONAN CRY I WILL PICK YOU UP IN MY ARMS AND SWALLOW YOU AFFECTIONALLY AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

hcs of being silver's wife/husband/spouse.. i.. :3

"[name], how do you feel having such a sleepy husband?"

having silver vanrouge as your husband meant that you had a lot to unpack about him

he promises you that he won't let anyone hurt you during your first month of being married, after a few years, its obvious he kept that promise

he tries his best to not fall asleep much now that he wants to see you, feel your presence- its a bit obvious your sleepy husband loves you a lot

he'd train you to protect yourself if you ask him to do so, he wouldn't want to force anything upon you

cuddles. every single damn day this man will NEVER let you go whenever you guys are asleep together

a lot of hand/forehead kisses, the lip kisses he gives are the ones when the both of you are going to sleep or he has to leave for a few or more minutes

loves it whenever you run your fingers through his hair. idk that just sparked in me

you guys are parents to furbabies. yes, furbabIES. and a single bird :3

would go on horse rides with you, enjoying the feeling of your arms wrapped around his waist before you realize he was fucking sleeping during the entire ride, nrc club times really took a toll on him LMAOO

hes so gentle with you, always curious on what you're doing and prioritizes your safety over his

before you guys sleep, after you guys do the nightly lip kiss and go to bed, its either you're humming or he is. you guys take turns probably

whenever there's someone hitting on him, he's polite and respectful; telling them he has a wife/husband/spouse, but if they keep on pestering him?

if you're there, you see he's basically asking for your permission if it was alright to be a bit more firm and straightforward with the person and if he could have you by his side as proof you are his partner

if you arent there, he pulls out his phone and shows various photos of you and or pictures of you and him together, ESPECIALLY the ones you guys took during your wedding before he leaves the stranger once they apologize for hitting on him

BUT IF SOMEONES HITTING ON YOU?? THATS A DIFFERENT STORY

once he sees you looking uncomfortable for even a second, he's already by your side, holding you close and he looks at the person hitting on you before asking you what's happening

his responses are different each time this happens, "come now, let's get back home." "was that person making you uncomfortable?" etc, etc.

in the end of the day, you guys hold hands and spend the rest of the day staying close together

please love him :c

[sn00pism]

"What's it like to be filled with dread? Dreadfully."

Dazai Osamu x reader

This was not supposed to happen. He had gone over every part of the plan and had backup responses in case things went wrong, but not for this. Never for this.

You were not supposed to be there and Dazai could only watch as you jumped out from behind a column, where he had left you after you chased after him.

God, you were stubborn. He should have known, should have considered that, but you were too impulsive, too irrational. Quick to jump the gun and ask questions later.

The sound of the gunshot replayed in his ears like a broken record. He could only stand and watch as blood began to soak your shirt, right by your abdomen on your left side. But it was your scream that haunted him. His mind raced, his heart pumped blood through his veins, and adrenaline flooded his senses. Dread filled him as he saw the pool of blood growing around your fallen body.

Yosano was not here, but he knew that when the blood reached a certain amount, there was nothing that could be done.

Your pained gasp brought him back to his senses. His knees buckled and he crawled over to you. His gun fell to the ground, but he did not care. He was open and vulnerable to be killed, but he would gladly die if it meant staying next to you.

His hands cradled your head, heavy and pale, as a string of blood left your mouth and your eyes focused on him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry… Osamu… I'm sorry…" Your breath quickened as the pain shot through your body. A small cry escaped your lips, and your eyes watered as they focused on Dazai. His hands shook as he reached over to place a hand on your wound and apply pressure, earning a cry from you as your face twisted in pain and sweat gathered on your forehead.

"I know, I know, shh shh, you're okay… you're okay, just breathe, please." He did not realize that the fighting was still going on, the ringing in his ears too loud. He could feel that he was losing you. He had killed enough people to know when they were too far gone. But he held onto hope and thought about Yosano. His hand slipped into his pocket, gripping his phone, but his hands were too shaky and the phone slipped from his grasp, now covered in blood.

For the first time, the sight of blood made his gut twist. Your blood. His attention returned to your face, your eyes turning glassy as you cried freely. The hand he had on your stomach was now deep crimson and slippery, but he pressed harder. This time, you did not gasp in pain, and he felt panic rise in his chest.

He turned to you, a panicked expression on his face as he felt like a knife was twisting in his heart. You looked at him, your panicked face mirroring his. "I can't…" Your eyes turned misty and tears gathered in them. "I can't feel your touch." Your voice came out softly, barely above a whisper, but it resonated harshly in Dazai's ears. "I don't want to die, Osamu." Your eyes were full of terror as you came to grips with your situation. Dazai felt his heart breaking, his chest tightening until he couldn't breathe quite right.

"No, no, please, breathe, you're okay." His voice broke as he clung to your hand, his eyes searching around the chaos for his phone, his breaths ragged and short. "I can call Yosano… she'll heal you in no time, please just hold on for me, please." Tears blurred his vision and he wiped them away angrily, your blood coating his face. The smell of iron filled his nose, and he felt sick. Tears fell from your eyes as you sobbed softly in his arms. The blood was too much.

His eyes snapped to yours, watching the life in your eyes slowly vanish. "I love y-" Your voice faded out before you could finish, your life draining out of you in crimson streams, pooling around him and swallowing him whole. "No, no, please…" He let himself fall onto you, his cries muffled by your chest, the feeling of your body pressed against his. "Not you too, please… don't leave me too."

Time slowed to a stop. The ringing in his ears became louder. Dread filled his lungs and his mind.

You were gone. And this time, it was his fault.

I felt like trying my hand at angst. I used a part of the baseline test from the movie Blade Runner 2049. Hope I did it right. Do message me with any thoughts or improvements for the future or this fic in particular!

[dipolardruid]

⚠️ TW WARNING⚠️

Yandere, toxic relationship, kidnapping, attempted break up on readers part.

"What...? No, I wasn't trying to, you know I wouldn't do anything like that!" Tina says with a desperate tone as she closes in on you.

You take a step back to create distance, which causes her to look at you with an unreadable expression "yet you knowingly do it, I've told you repeatedly to stop doing things because they make me uncomfortable, Even after that you still do them." At this she seems to look away a couple of times before making eye contact with you.

"I swear it's never on purpose!" Before you're able to respond or do anything, she continues on."I promise I really mean it! It won't happen starting today!" She says in a pleading tone as she lightly scratches and squeezes her fingers.

"You're right it won't happen starting today because I want nothing to do with you." You quickly turn away before Tina can respond to your words. However, you don't get far before you're grabbed by the back of your shirt "Wait stop w-where are you going?"

Pulling away from Tina, she tries to grab you again, which only causes you to become more aggressive in keeping her hands away, which results in Tina becoming more desperate to hold onto you "please don't go! I promise! I promise I'll stop!" The struggle is enough to cause you to trip over your feet, causing both of you to almost fall.

"Will you stop already! Just leave me alone!" At your raised voice, Tina flinches back, her eyes squinted, fist raised to her chest in a self soothing manner, but it seems to have stopped her from trying to grab you again.

At this, you walk away from her and out of her room, looking back every so often to make sure she isn't behind you. While walking towards the front door, you see both Petra and Jake walking towards you. Upon seeing your upset face, Jake puts up his hand to stop you.

"What's wrong?" He tries to make eye contact with you, but you avoid his gaze looking over at the floor."Go ask Tina." You tell him before walking past him and Petra they both take a quick look at each other before Jake speaks up. "I'll go check on Tina. " Petra nods before following behind you.

That day ended with Petra taking you home and Tina's nonstop calling and texting until you had to block her number.

Despite this, the others sat around you during school hours. Petra or Jake may talk to you, but it's mainly Paul who tries to get you to speak to Tina again.

"Come on, you guys had an argument that's all there is to it. What's the big deal?" He says he says wrapping his arm around your shoulder. However, upon trying to move out of his grip, he tightens his forearm around your collarbone, keeping you in place "ok how about this you just come over you don't have to make small talk with her or anything but just be around like before" you look at him to reject but before you can he speaks up "please..." he says pleadingly.

You don't know why you accepted, you never should've, it would've been better to just take the guilt and walk away from him, to ask for help if he refused to let you go yet you didn't.

Now, here you were watching your face plastered on the screen as your parents beg for your safe return, promising all that they have and more. At this, everything begins to blur as a sob escapes your throat.

"Why...?" Is all that you could muster before the tightness in your throat becomes too much for you to continue talking.

Tina sits beside you, stroking your back. "You tried to leave, I would've handled this better if you listened to everyone else about just coming back, but you wanted to be stubborn about it"

You wanted nothing more than to smack her away and yell, but you knew the consequences of that. You lost count of all the things she's done to you after some time. Things were bearable if you simply let it happen instead of constantly fighting back.

"It's ok...it's ok, come here, no more crying. I don't like it when you cry." Tina says, pulling you closer to herself, your head on her chest.

"They're still looking for me....you can't keep me here forever, tina." You say between breaths as you try to catch your breath. "Really? I would say otherwise, the news has stopped talking about you, your disappearance came and went as everything else does, your parents... let's say they aren't a worry." Tina strokes your head as she says this.

At this you feel you feel your body stiffen and your breath catch in your throat.

As you're about to question her, Tina runs her thumb over your lips before speaking, "That's enough for today. It's late, so let's get you ready for bed." At this, you go to speak up only to be met with Tina's side glance, causing you to keep your mouth shut.

You hate it. You hate the way you fear her. The way your body tenses up as she tucks you into bed and smooths the blanket around you, yet you can't help but let it happen even if you did fight back, you're just a human. Physically, you could stand a chance. However, if she decided to use her power, you'd be on the floor clutching your ears in pain, not only that it'd alert everyone in the house along with the others.

So as much as you want to shove past her as she walks out that door, all you can do is lay in this bed watching her back as she walks out able to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants.

"One more thing." This causes you to look over at her " I love you, Goodnight"

You don't want to say it but you have to yet everytime you do it feels as if you're about to vomit. "Y/N" This causes you to flinch your head back as she says your name with a warning edge to it.

"I-I love you too..."

Request are open!

[onceuponapuffin]

Fanatic Intervention Part 8!!

I see your votes everyone, and I hear your voices. But before I can, in good conscience, place us in Heathrow, I need to share this with you.

Beginning|| Previous || Next

******************

In the end, convincing Aziraphale (who, surprise surprise, had never flown on a plane) that First Class was the way to go wasn’t all that hard.

“Otherwise you fly all cramped with hundreds of other people!” You say. Crowley nods.

“Mmmmm yes,” the demon agrees, “Imagine being elbow-to-elbow with all those humans. Feet in your face, children kicking the back of your seat, sharing an armrest!”

“I rather like humans though,” says Azirphale, even though he looks a little pale at the mention of armrests, “And I would be next to you anyway.”

“What about the humans who haven’t showered for days?” You ask, “How long has it been since the last time you were near one person, nevermind a hundred-ish, who didn’t follow basic hygiene practices? A few hundred years?”

Aziraphale’s face falls. Crowley chimes in.

“Oh yes, just imagine all the sweat and grease from the airport food.”

“And then there are the babies that travel. I mean, their ears pop when the plane takes off and when it lands, and they only really have one coping strategy.”

“Aaah,” Crowley says, “The crying babes! Think of all the crying babies and no escape! Not for hours and hours and hours.”

“And then,” You say, “There’s the in-flight meal.” Here, you seem to have struck a cord. Duh, you should have led with this. Aziraphale raises an eyebrow.

“Oh? They serve food?”

“Psh,” You say, “If you can call it that. They ask you if you want chicken or vegetarian, and then they plop a cardboard box with a film top in front of you.”

“It’s dreadful,” agrees Crowley, “All bland and clearly frozen and warmed up in a microwave.”

“And if you’re lucky, you can tell that it’s meant to be a sandwich,” You add.

“Supposing you can tell that it’s food at all!” Crowley says with a nod, “And their wine list is small potatoes.”

“Small bland potatoes,” You say, “If you can call them potatoes at all – served in the tiniest bottles and the tiniest glasses you ever did see.”

You noticed Aziraphale’s eye twitch ever so slightly.

“And in First Class they...they serve actual food and wine, do they?”

“Oh yeah,” You say, “with proper service and cloth napkins and everything. Most of the airline websites say that the food’s prepared by an actual chef.”

“And the glasses are normal sizes, and made of actual glass,” adds Crowley for good measure. Aziraphale hums.

“Yes, fine. Clearly First Class is the only acceptable way to travel.” He leaves the room. You hear the kettle turn on. He probably needs some tea to calm his nerves after hearing all that. You turn to Crowley.

“So you’ve gone on a plane before, huh? Did you invent the food? I would not be surprised if you did.”

“Me?” Crowley says, “Naaaah. Never flown on a plane. Never needed to. But I know a bit of fun when I see it.”

You look up at him and sigh, cradling your chin in your hands for effect.

“It really is no wonder why Aziraphale loves you so much.”

“Ngk,” Crowley says, his ears turning pink.

-----

And now, dear Reader, we arrive at Heathrow. Anathema and Newt had met you at the bookshop, and the four of you drove over together in the Bentley after bidding Newt and Muriel goodbye. You spend the entire wait in line at airport security feeling nervous. Airport security is always a test for your nerves to begin with, but this time you have no passport or paperwork of any kind to twiddle in your hands to take the edge off. Instead, you fidget relentlessly with the button in your pocket (Muriel, being an observant and kind soul, had given you a large-ish green button to put in your pocket “Because you seem nervous, and it looked like it helped you last time.” You swear if anyone harms your new best friend while you’re gone you will end them). The line goes quicker than you would like, and when it gets to be your turn, honestly you’re not sure what happens. It all goes smoothly. Did Aziraphale and Crowley miracle you a passport? Did they click a finger or wave a hand to convince the guard that everything was in order? You have no idea, because you’re too focused on your nerves and Trying Not To Look Suspicious While Worrying That This Makes You Look More Suspicious Than You Would If You Could Just Be Normal About This (if you know the feeling, you know why it gets to be capitalized like that).

Once the stress of airport security is done, you head to the bathroom for a break from the chaos so that you can figure out how to breathe again. Normally, you wouldn’t be That Person to occupy the Accessible Washroom, but since you are desperately trying not to have a panic attack because of all the pent-up anxiety from the whole airport security thing, you decide that you Really Cannot Do People Right Now, and that the single-occupant washroom may be your saving grace. You lock the door and sigh, leaning against the cold metal. It’s comparatively quiet here, and you’re grateful for it. Thank Someone. You resolve to try not to be too long in case someone who actually needs this washroom comes by (although I’m gonna be honest here, reader, right now you need this room for invisible accessibility/health reasons). After a minute or two, you are finally starting to feel your anxiety return to a manageable level. Everything is okay. You are traveling with the most ideal companions you could ever dream of, and the worst part is over. Everything from here on out is smooth sailing.

Except, dear reader, you all voted. And So It Shall Be.

You’ve just finished drying your hands.

“Aah,” says a voice behind you. You jump a solid 3 feet in the air. “I thought I might find you here.”

“HOLY! FUCKING! ZOMBIE! JESUS!!!” You sputter.

“Mind your manners, human.”

“Manners?? ME?? This is a WASHROOM.”

The Metatron looks at you blankly and shrugs. Ah yes, the biggest jerk in Heaven doesn’t know or care about washrooms or privacy. Or actually being polite.

“I merely wanted to have a word with you. Away from the others, of course.”

“Yeeeaaaaah,” You say. You’ve seen a million movies (approximate), and read a million books (also approximate), you know what this is. This is the maybe we can still solve this problem quietly plot. And you know that actually having the conversation is a bad idea. “I don’t think so.”

You reach for thee door. It’s locked, and it won’t unlock. Of course. You (gently) pound your head against the door, before turning to face Metatron. You take a breath, and answer as calmly as you can given how angry you are.

“What. Do you want?”

“I merely hoped that we could agree upon...an arrangement.”

“Pretty sure I made it clear back at the bookshop that I’m not letting you anywhere near them.”

“Oh dear, no. This has nothing to do with the demon or with Aziraphale. This is about you.”

You mentally brace yourself. Here comes the manipulation. You inwardly remind yourself of the tropes of villain manipulation and all the things you’ve ever shouted at the tv screen after one of these interactions. You need to be prepared, because apparently you need to play this out. And so, you give him the response he clearly wants.

“What about me?”

“Well, my dear, I only thought that perhaps you might like to go home.”

“Ha! Nice try.”

“You have no desire to return to your family? Your friends? Your life?”

“Not right now, thanks.”

“And you think you’ll get a similar offer later?”

“I mean...well yeah. I don’t know whether I would actually want to go back yet but --”

“You think Aziraphale and his associates will want to keep you as their pet forever? My dear, they only entertain you right now because you’re useful to them.”

Okay, I mean you knew that already but still. Ouch. Hearing it out loud is just...Ouch. Unfortunately, you do not have the Acting Prowess of either Michael Sheen or David Tennant, and so the Metatron sees the Ouch. He smiles kindly.

“Here, you are merely a tool,” he continues, voice smooth as honey, “And back home there are people who love you and value your presence in their lives. Back home there are people who miss you purely because you are you. Here, you are well, a convenience. A help. But that’s all. And once this is all over, there is no promise, no guarantee that you would be able to return. And no reason for Aziraphale to keep you. You would need to start again, and since you needed the help of an angel to get through airport security, I’m guessing that would be very difficult for you. And then, of course, there’s your immortal soul to be concerned about once the Final Judgment comes to pass.”

You ignore the bait, even though it stings. Take a breath. You’ve got this.

“That’s all irrelevant right now,” You say.

“Is it? It seems that you’re….what’s that charming human expression? Flying by the seat of your pants?” He chuckles at his own joke. You smile awkwardly. Well, yes you are, but the heroes in stories do all the time. They figure it out as they go. You are doing no worse than any of them. You don’t find the joke so funny. And frankly his laughter is unsettling.

“Um...” You start uncertainly, “Well if that’s all, then can I go now?”

“In a moment,” the Metatron says smugly. Oh you hate that he has so much control right now. “First I would like to extend to you the offer of some help. I would like to see you home safely, at a time of your choosing. Whenever you feel that you are ready.”

“And you have the power to do that, do you?” You’re skeptical.

“I have the power of all Creation at my disposal.”

“Riiiiight. Just out of the goodness of your own angelic heart. That’s very kind of you Metatron.” You’re not sure if he hears the edge of sarcasm. He shrugs regardless.

“There is of course, one and only one thing I would like from you if you decide to take my help.”

“Oooooof course there is. I’m not letting you near Aziraphale and Crowley.”

“Once again, my dear, this has nothing to do with them. All I would like is to know why your first instinct was to take that coffee. The full truth, mind you. None of that sarcasm or loophole nonsense that you humans are so fond of. And do not be foolish enough to think I can’t tell the difference.” He looks at you pointedly.

That’s...a suspiciously innocuous request. But then again, it usually is with these sort of things, isn’t it? You feign non-chalance and tap your foot for emphasis.

“Are you done yet?” You ask obstinately. The door unlocks audibly behind you.

“Just think about it,” says the Metatron, “No rush.”

Oh yes there is one. You rush to open the door. Never before have you felt so relieved to be in a crowded place.

Don't worry about airplane route logistics or whether or not you can actually get a direct flight from Heathrow to Orlando. Just vote for whatever you would like :)

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤

Beginning|| Previous || Next

[mimaniniyum]

Tasty (S) (A)

Cw:basketball player!winwin x bádminton player!reader,oral sex,slightly rough sex mainly soft,lots of I love u’s,Small argument,makeup sex,lovey-dovey shit,back scratching,kick back era sicheng 😵‍💫

Based off this from twt/X :link (NSFW)

A/N: yum yum (im abt to write an nct 127 angst fic after this)

WC: 800-ish

The start to your day was already shit but if badminton practice wasn’t worse you wouldn’t know what was your coach yelled at you for being a minute late and also missing multiple times as you got back home you dropped your practice bag and flopped down on the couch in your shared apartment with your boyfriend Sicheng, he currently wasn’t home since he had basketball practice until 7 so you texted him and dropped your phone down on the couch.As you now just lay there you being to tear up trying to cry but that was a futile attempt as you started to heave tears fall down your face but you quickly wiped your tears hearing the door unlock you see sicheng enter clearly distraught and angry as you bid your hellos to him he ignores you and walks off to the room slamming the door and locking it.You get up and walk to the room door to ask if hes okay as you do all you hear him say from the other side is a annoyed “go away” as you walk back to the living room you sit there sad knowing your one source of comfort is upset but you surpass this and grab the remote to turn on the tv you flip through numerous channels as sicheng exits the room with new clothes dawning a white T-shirt and basketball shorts he glances at you still pretty upset and looks back at the tv ypu turn to him and say hi again but he continues to ignore you and all you say is “Why are you ignoring me?” And that only seemed to make him more angry he looked to you absolutely livid only saying “Just shut the fuck up” as you paused you say “I just asked why you upset I wasn’t trying to make you mad” sounding sadder then ever “Well you did,great now im in an even worse mood” he says with such annoyance and distain in his voice you look away from him and down at the floor you feel yourself tear up again trying to hide your tears from him in hopes that he wont get more upset you curl up on the couch.you glance over at him again now he looks somewhat more calm but as if he feels bad for what he said to you.you wipe your tears but they still fall as you sniffle letting out a small sob,He looks at you turning his neck fast and he quickly cups you cheek in his hand looking at you sorrily “No baby im sorry I didn’t mean to get mad at you like that” no completely sobbing and covering your eyes in your palms wiping off your eyes you look back at him eyes slightly red as you shakily say “no its my fault I shouldn’t have pressed you like that” as he quiets you he softly smiles asking about why your sad and you explain everything to him he kisses your cheek and holds you telling you its okay and he ask if there is anything he can do to make up to you and you hesitantly say you want him as he quickly understands what you mean he lifts you up from the couch and carries you to the room he plops you on the bed and starts to kiss you asks if its okay.

to remove your skort and you nod as you remove your shirt leave you only in your underwear and bra as get up to remove those two articles of clothing he begins to remove his cloths as both of you are now naked he lifts up for legs and holds them back as he faces your cunt he licks your clit you whine in pleasure he continues to eat you out for a couple of minutes you start to moan in upmost pleasure you begin to spew out praise “Fuck chengie im gonna cum” as he lifts his face from your cunt you whine at the loss of stimulation sicheng get up from his position on the bed and drags to the end of the bed as he places your legs around his waist,you wrap your arms around his neck he lifts you up from the bed and inserts his cock into your cunt as he bounces you on his cock hard and fast until you tell him to slow down a little.

and he listens to you as he thrusts into you lovingly you began to scratch his back with your nails due to the pleasure it makes you feel warm inside as you start to random say “I love you” in between moans as he continued to thrust up into your for a few minutes all he could say was “I love you” “your made for me” “your the best thing that could happen to me” “ your my love” “I love you babe” as you moaned in pleasure

As his thrust became sloppy,he cums inside of you filling you up with his cum

As you thank him for pleasing you he replies with “Anything for you baby”

As both of you came at the same sichengs thrust became sloppy as he came to a stop. You both breathe heavily as you drop down to the bed with sichengs cock still inside of you he leaned down to kiss you again.

[kittenfangirl20]

*back in the past Lucifer and Lilith were called to Heaven’s embassy talk about the solution to the alarming rate the population of Hell was growing, the pair walked into the embassy see an angel sitting at the table waiting for them, the angel wore robes with gold spikes at the collar and some sort of design on the robes that looked like an A, he wore a mask with gold eyes and gold fangs as well as a horned headdress, if it wasn’t for the gold halo and gold wings Lucifer would have thought that this was a demon, on each side of the angel were a pair of angels dressed in black and silver who also wore masks except one eye was an x and they had silver instead of gold*

Lilith: We have read over the proposition of Extermination Day and we will not accept Heaven coming down once a year to slaughter our people.

The angel: I am quite surprised that you care about something that isn’t yourself, you were such an unbearable bitch in life and I am sure you still are now that you are the Demon Bitch Queen of Hell.

Lucifer: Adam.

*Lucifer was shocked that his former friend was going to lead the charge against Sinners*

Adam (the angel): Frankly I am shocked you are still with Lilith, I would have thought that you would have eventually seen the mistake you made and dumped her.

*Lucifer flipped the very large table and flew across the room so he could pin Adam against the wall while the two angels at Adam’s side now had their spears pointed at Lucifer*

Lucifer: Don’t speak of my wife that way!!!!!!!!

Adam: You are in no position to make demands, but I can be generous. We only go after Sinners but your family and Hell Born will be left alone. If you don’t agree to this Sera will have the other archangels ask God to destroy Hell, do you want your daughter to be destroyed, I would do anything to protect my children.

*Adam hoped Lucifer would see his plan was preferable to Sera’s plan*

Lilith: Don’t agree to Extermination Day, we can rise up against Heaven.

Adam: That attitude is why is why Heaven must take action against Hell.

*faces Lucifer*

Adam: I know you are not truly evil, sacrifice some Sinners to save your daughter and Cain.

*Lucifer let go of Adam, he saw a glimmer of the man he once was in Eden*

Lucifer: Fine, you can have your Extermination Day for Charlie.

*Lilith grit her teeth as Lucifer signed the agreement and left, Lilith waited for the two angels to leave and cornered Adam just placing one hand on his chest and leaned close to him in an almost intimate manner, it pleased her to feel her ex husband tremble at her touch*

Lilith: Know this, you may have your little victory today, but I still have Lucifer’s love, it’s something you will never have because you were always such a hideous creature. In fact it looks like you have become a bit of a fat ass now.

*Lilith let her hand move down and she squeezed his stomach, she laughed when instead of feeling the firm abs he used to have, his stomach felt a little round and soft*

Adam: Don’t fucking touch me bitch.

*Adam was trying to sound tough, but his his voice was strained as if he was about to start crying, Lilith smiled and kissed Adam’s masked lips knowing he would hate that*

Lilith: Farewell Adam.

*Lilith left and Adam went back to Heaven and quickly handed to agreement to Sera before flying to his home where Eve was waiting for him, Eve gently peeled off only the mask leaving the headdress, tears were falling from Adam’s eyes and more were threatening to fall*

Eve: It’s ok my love, I am here.

*Eve caressed his cheek and Adam just leaned into it*

[juggalomary]

did yall miss me. i hope you did bc im returning with a bang. anyways here’s this. warnings: mcd, child abuse. up on ao3 within a few days

A new day, a new disaster, that’s what soap would say. He was always an optimist. Never heard saying anything about how they were likely going to die on suicide missions. Even though it was so valiantly obvious. He has to be watching from his overwatch position right now.

Ghost was glad to have him on his 6. They’d been switching places more often, soap on overwatch and sniping the people trying to end his life. He never called out to him about these people. Sometimes they’d just end up dead.

He always knows it was soap though, who else could do that so accurately. Soap was the best of the best. He’s not going to let ghost die. He’s not that selfish, never was.

Soap was the best of the best, most morally sound. He held his religion above many temptations. Infil was filled with chatter most of the time, except for soap, running his thumb over rosaries and whispering to a power long forgotten by the other men.

Exfil, a shell shocked soap would sit silently, or wail for not his mother, or ghost, but for someone, god maybe, to end his suffering. He was already going to hell, that’s what a priest told him at 15. He confessed and was told his punishment.

Never repeating that confession to anyone else, in fear of rejection. At 16 he carried his older cousin's casket in between the pews of that same church. He got home and told to man up. He turned 17 and enlisted.

That led to right now, soap covering his 6 and ghost shouting for help. A bullet lodged into his spine, blood gushing from the wound. His screams would’ve revealed his position if he cared anymore. There was no way he would get out of this. He just needed to get to a position he could radio to exfil from.

The enemy must’ve heard his screaming for Johnny, there was no response from soaps end. He must’ve been comprised.

The thundering footsteps we’re getting louder needed to move.

He pulled his hands above his head, chin resting on the ground. Looking up from under his eyebrows he saw about 20 meters until cover.

Pushing his arm to unbend he grabbed for purchase on the grass. He needed to pull himself forward to get to cover. His legs proving useless he grabbed a handful of grass and pulls. It rips.

He keeps trying to pull himself forward, but with every futile grasp comes a handfull of dirt and roots. The footsteps grow louder. He can’t die like this.

He screams in pain and frustration. Johnny is comprised, he’s comprised. It’s a solo mission, he needs to call exfil there’s no price here to scoop his useless self off the floor. He could cry. He won’t cry.

He grabbed a rock and pulled himself forward a foot. That’s okay, he’ll to cover soon. He’ll stay awake, he’ll stay strong. He will not cry.

Another idea comes to mind. He pulls 2 knives from his kit and stabs one into the dirt to use as a sort of handle.

One foot at a time he drags himself to the tree line. Sitting up to access his radio he leans on a tree.

He calls laswell. He needs exfil. He needs to leave. He’s losing blood, but he can’t feel it, he’ll pull through.

His eggs were twisted in horrible ways, he didn’t feel that pain, but he also couldn’t move them. He’ll be okay, he can just rest his eyes for a few minutes. His eyes were far to tired.

Nothing from soap. Nothing from laswell, there’s no point in staying awake, he’ll wake up to the radio transmission.

His eyes fall open again.

“-nom, SIMON! COME IN!” A young woman was on the other side of his radio.

“Mom? Mom I’m scared, I don’t want you to leave me here with him again.” It seemed he was crying.

“Simon who’s there, I’m coming, we need to know where you are.”

“Mommy I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I’m in the woods mom. Please don’t let him find me. He had a bat mom.” Drearily weeping through the radio was not something that elete SAS lieutenants do. But his mom was back, he missed her so much.

She tried her damn best, especially since he was stuck with his bummy ass father. She tended to his wounds whenever she was sober. She took beatings for him when he was too young to know he’s a man and he should be taking it. She wiped his tears whenever he came crying. Somehow it wasn’t enough.

He still had his tooth knocked out, he still was given drugs before he realized what they were. He still had to see that sex worker die. He still has to kiss that snake.

Haven forgotten about that snake until right now the hissing in his ear was not of any relief. It should’ve, it would mean his radio was working. His hands were too heavy to really hit the button to turn it on though.

Tears were not allowed though. The snake was in his ear, not biting his lip, his mom was talking to him. And Johnny would be back soon.

“Ghost, Simon, do you copy.”

“Mom I’m not alone anymore”

Crunching could he heard, a dark figure approaching him. He had a pistol. He shot the gun, but the bullet shot right next to his ear. He let himself relax, foolishly.

The man in front of him was his father, but his face was skewed. One part of it was his father, and the other half was of price. The side with price reached out and told him to calm down and stay awake. Then price was gone and it was just his father.

He was screaming, not Simon, Simon would recognize who was screaming and it wasn’t himself. A blow landed on his head, he saw it but didn’t feel it. His father was standing there, his mouth was moving but he wasn’t saying anything. Then he hissed like a snake. Mouth open he saw the snake that bit him all those years ago, he started screaming for real this time.

The snaked closed is mouth and then said something in Spainish. This man was none other than a cackling manual roba. Scalpel in one hand he laughed. The scar on his ribs flared up as he was called every insult under the sun. He was told to not fear as, it would feel so nice soon.

Turning his head out of the grasp roba has on his face he was met with Vernon’s rotting skeletal face. There was dirt in his eyes, ears, mouth, nose. He was buried.

“GHOST!”

“Mom? Save me.”

“Ghost who’s with you right now.”

He opens his eyes, praying he can see at the end of this all. Scratched corneas would end his career, and his career is all that he had left.

In front of him, soap was sitting, thumbing his rosaries and mumbling a prayer. Without greeting he looks up. “Simon, I’ve missed you.”

“Ghost. I repeat, who is with you?”

“Johnny. Bye mommy, I’ll see you soon.”

With his final goodbye to the only person to truly love him, he can rest.

“Simon, I loved you too.” A Scottish lilt was the last thing he heard before the world went silent. He laid his head on the tree and closed his eyes. He hoped that Johnny was in the next 7 minutes. And price and Gaz. Maybe he can finally see them again too. Laswell will join them at some point. Then they can meet her wife. Maybe she’ll have kids after retirement.

He hoped he was happy.

-

Ghost was found 2 days later. Soaps rosary in his pocket and tear tracks running down his face wiping off the eye black.

Task force 141 was together, earthly and in spirit. Buried in the national cemetery one next to the other.

[csmtmra]

carve me to make me yours

character: keigo takami warnings: 18+ minors do not interact, dacryphillia, toxic yandere relationship, branding, blood, blood drinking, jealousy words: 1.1K

he had always liked to show off what was his. keeping an arm around you anytime you went out. always showing up next to you when you were with friends. he liked making it known you were his.

he had made it known you were his and only his. so why are you laughing with friends and ignoring his calls?

at first he was just going to show up and make sure you were okay, but when he saw a boy draped over your shoulder, pointing to things on your phone, a little too close for comfort, he walked over and pulled you aside. “why the hell were you not answering me??” he’d be looking around pulling you further into town and further away from your friends while he asked the question. “were you texting? i’ve had my phone on do not disturb all morning..” you’d breathe out pulling your phone out and checking the messages you’ve missed from him. “we’re going home.” he said not paying you much mind as he dragged you to his apartment. ignoring all of your questions of ‘what’s wrong’ and if he was ‘okay’.

pulling you through the door of his apartment, he mumbles out words you don’t catch while shaking his head, and locks it. “keigo what is going on?” you ask starting to get upset, giving him a slight glare and frown.

“who was that boy. why was he all over my girlfriend??”he’d ask giving a slight snarl back and breathing heavily out through his nose. “who, shun? he meant no harm, i don’t even think he knew i had a boyfriend. we just met him..” you would say watching as he narrows his eyes before grabbing your arm and pulling towards his room with him. “it’s time everyone knows then.”

pushing open his door, he walks you to his bed before pushing you lightly onto it and unbuckling his belt, grabbing both of your arms and tying them to the top of it. tears are starting to well up in your eyes as you ask him what he’s doing.

“well if there’s nothing on you that will let people know you have a loving boyfriend, then i’ll have to make one.” keigo would say while taking his shirt off and throwing it across the room, moving his hands to the top of yours before ripping it and pushing it away from your skin, moving the remnants of it to the floor and plucking one of his beautiful red feathers.

he lays down with his chest in between your legs and his chin resting on your rib cage. elbows propping him up slightly as you stare in horror and intrigue of what he’s about to do next, tears falling from your eyes, down your cheeks and causing your lip quiver. he uses one of his hands to cup your cheek and brush the tears falling away with his thumb.

“don’t worry sweetheart i’m going to make it so, so pretty” he’d say, holding down your body with his own, whispering a soft little “it’s going to be so beautiful” as he carves the sharp part of the feather into your skin. your cries only more encouragement for him to move onto the next letter. only taking short breaks to wipe tears from your cheeks and pressing kisses to your bloody skin.

“everyone will know..” he says, glancing up at your eyes as more tears start to fall out of them. “no more..” you cry out, trying to get your hands freed so you can get out of his grasp. “stop struggling. you don’t want me to accidentally make a bigger cut do you?” keigo draws the feather closer to your heart, not putting enough pressure to cut the skin but enough to let you know he’s serious.

“behave.” his voice is stern, moving his hand back to your shoulder to finish the last letters, he takes his other hand and pushes his hair out of his face, letting a breath out and tilting his head. “perfect.” he mutters, lowering his face closer to the new wound on your shoulder before slowly licking the blood away.

soft moans would leave his lips as whimpers and cries would pass yours. he would bring his tongue out to lick the blood that started seeping past your skin again, leaving his lips a cherry red. moving his hands, he would put one on your hip and the other on your thigh, pulling it up next to him and scooting closer into your body. “you know i had to do this..right?” pressing kisses to your chest and leaving bruises on your skin, he would mutter a “please forgive me….you will won’t you?”

“won’t you.” he would say again, not questioning this time though. bringing his face close to yours, you nod your head, not being able to muster words back to him. he would let a small smile grace his face and bring his lips to yours.

you can taste the remnants of your blood on his lips and tongue, making you push your mouth on to his more roughly, trying to taste more of him.

you wanted to taste his very essence. you wanted to have his blood on your lips, mixing together with your own into a twisted concoction of desire and need.

pulling your lips a centimeter away from his, you bite his bottom lip, making the red substance spill into both of your mouths and resulting in a hiss from him.

“be nice.”he says before interlocking your lips together again for a quick second before pulling away and moving his lips to the cut again. you start to pull on the belt that was keeping your arms above your head and whine. “keigo..”

“oh here sweetheart..” he says with a hushed voice, while pushing himself up to untie your hands. once freed, they immediately shoot towards his neck, pulling him down to your face again and finding his lips once again.

keigos hand fumbles with something on the nightstand while his mouth is locked to yours, before pulling the object towards him and pulling back from you. it was a polaroid camera. “i want you to see my work” he mutters as he gets up slightly, both knees on either side of you, and bringing the camera to his face to look into it. the bright flash as he takes the camera makes you flinch.

grabbing the picture out of the slot, he shakes it a bit to help the photo develop faster before looking at it and smiling a cruel twisted smile before giving it to you. “look doll….maybe we can do your name on me now..” he said, grabbing the same feather with your now drying blood on the end of it, he lays next to you, taking the polaroid and placing it on his nightstand, and moving you on top of him while handing you the feather. “make it pretty baby.”