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idyllic-affections · 1 year

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i know my kingdom awaits, and they've forgiven my mistakes.

summary. "Baizhu reached out to their shoulder, giving it a tender squeeze. "I just want to know why you left so abruptly. We were so close. There is nothing you could say or do that would make me resent you."" trigger & content warnings for self-hatred, severe blood, major traumatic life events, depictions of trauma, panic attacks & a fuck ton of crying, implications of suicidal ideation but it is never explicitly stated in an obvious way, overall heavy on the themes of mental health, heavy spoilers for baizhu's story quest and childe's character stories, [name] is called pretty once. tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. friends to strangers to friends, hurt/comfort. baizhu & childhood friend!reader, brief hints of childe & reader. 10k words. they/them pronouns for reader. author's thoughts. it is here. the fabled "friends to something significantly worse to friends again" fic is finally here (june if you're reading this, thank you for the idea lmaoo <33). btw! this post runs on the theory that skirk is associated with khaenri'ah. no idea what her personality is like so.... bear with me pls. she gives off "tired, bitter big sister" vibes in this fic. at one point, nightmare by set it off started playing while i was writing this and i think thats so fucking funny, that is so childhood friend![name]core. a LOT of ironic songs played while i was writing this actually! maybe ill make a post about it?

"What's the last thing on our list?"

Surely the sky had been painted by the Celestial Gods above—how else could one even hope to explain the otherworldly beauty it held? Pinks blended smoothly in with hues of golden orange and baby blue as the sun crept lower and lower towards the horizon. A few stars already dotted the evening sky, twinkling and sparkling against their background.

In the reflection of their eyes, the light danced.

Their friend hummed thoughtfully, brushing some of his hair away from his face, before scanning the words written in practically illegible handwriting inside the little journal the two's shared master had given them. "Violetgrass... I think."

"You think?" they echoed, amused, peering over his shoulder into the notebook. He shrugged.

"Master's handwriting isn't exactly... er, legible."

They giggled at that. "No doctor's is. I think it has something to do with how many prescriptions they have to write on a daily basis. Like... they have to write fast, so they have some kind of language of their own to be as efficient as possible."

"Is that so?"

"...Honestly, I don't know. Something like that, I guess."

He smiled at them, teasing, "Shouldn't you know better than anyone, [Name]?"

"Shut up, Baizhu, I'm still learning!" they huffed with faux annoyance, snatching the book from his hands. "Yeah, that says Violetgrass. Hm... you should probably go back, then. It's getting kind of late," they mused, meeting the boy's gentle burgundy gaze. "I've got it from here."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't mind going with you."

"I'm sure. I get Violetgrass on my own all the time. It gets cold at night, and with everything going on, it's probably better that only one of us goes out. Less of a chance of the sickness spreading further, you know?"

"I can't really argue with that," he admitted. "Alright, but don't stay out too late."

"Don't worry," they reassured, "I don't intend to."

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

Darkness had fallen by the time they reached their normal spot for gathering Violetgrass. Specks of glittery stars dotted the night sky; it took all of their mental strength to not sit and admire it. They would never get their task done if they did.

'The last time I did this with my bag on, I fell.'

With that thought in mind, they hummed and carefully took the cross-body bag filled to the brim with medicinal herbs off. They set it neatly to the side. Before beginning, they stretched, hoping to somehow make themselves more flexible and limber by doing so. A series of satisfying pops were released from their bones.

It was then that they began gingerly scaling the cliffside—it wasn't impossibly steep, and they'd done it an abundance of times in the past, so it didn't present too big of a challenge. It wasn't anything they weren't used to.

The ground then unexpectedly trembled beneath their feet. They huffed as their foot slipped, sending them sliding down a few feet and back onto solid ground. The single piece of Violetgrass that they needed seemed to mock their failure from its place several feet above them.

"Aw, come on..." they murmured, slightly frustrated. "Maybe I should have had Baizhu stay and help..."

Then, again without warning, just as they were about to make another attempt, the ground split open.

A scream was torn from their throat as they fell. It was as if Teyvat itself had swallowed them into its core. They made a a desperate attempt to reach for the surface, but as soon as they were in, the crack snapped shut once again. No matter how fast they fell, no kind of ground ever seemed to get any closer. Briefly through their terror, they wondered if this was how they'd die—falling into nothingness for eternity until they starved, mortal body eventually decaying into nothing and becoming one with the never-ending emptiness.

This was never meant to be how they'd die. Their death was supposed to be fated through Changsheng's contract, not through... this.

A sob ripped through their throat as their body unexpectedly slammed into the ground. Upon impact, they knew at least a handful of bones in their wrists had broken. Perhaps it was unwise to brace their fall with their wrists, but then again... it would have been far worse if they landed on their back. Breaking their back may very well have been a death sentence in the scenario they were in. Honestly, they were just thankful that their shoulders and forearms seemed to be okay, aside from a rhythmic throbbing coursing through both arms. Their body trembled pathetically like a leaf in the wind, ready to be blown away at any second. At least a leaf would see daylight or even moonlight.

It was pitch black for them, as if the darkness actively sought out and destroyed any source of light it was capable of finding. It seemed to sap any will they might've had to resist, to find a way out. Their will was gone. It was like it was never there in the first place. The ominous dark took all that determination, all that light, and consumed it like a starved beast until there was nothing but a shell left behind.

A deep pit settled in their gut as they whimpered, curling up into a ball. Surely, this was just a dream. An awful, terrible dream. They'd wake up and everything would be normal—they'd still be on the surface, gathering the last of their master's requested herbs before heading back and resuming their life as normal.

Regardless of whether or not this was a horrifying nightmare, sleeping was far more appealing than staying awake.

It was with tears rolling down their cheeks that they tucked their head into their arms, wincing at the shooting pain that ascended the length of their arms when too much pressure was applied to their wrists, and succumbed to the boundless darkness.

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

Time was an illusion.

That's how they felt, at least, because they had no idea how long they had been underneath Teyvat for. It could've been hours or it could've been days—they wouldn't know the difference either way. Everything was fuzzy. Their sleep was restless and interrupted; no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't truly sleep. Even if they managed to fall asleep, they'd wake up again after a few minutes with a jolt and a wave of paranoia. What frustrated them so deeply about it was that they knew very well that their body would never heal if they didn't sleep well. They'd never have the strength to escape if that were the case. It was infuriating.

The distant echo of footsteps made their muscles tense. The sound ceased a few feet away from where they laid.

"You'll never survive down here like this."

A nervous whine threatened to leave their throat. They swallowed it down, hands trembling slightly.

"Get up. I can tell that you're awake."

Fuck.

With what minimal strength they did still have, they pushed themselves up using their elbows. Using their hands would only hurt them more. It was difficult to see, but nonetheless, they could see her eyes clearly. Empty, star-shaped irises stared down at them, piercing the very depths of their soul, picking them apart like some kind of subject of a dissection. The utter bite of her gaze caused them to suck in a sharp breath, posture straightening slightly.

"I've no idea why the Abyss would want someone so... pathetic," she scoffed. "Look at you, resigning to your fate like some kind of lost puppy with its tail between its legs."

"No, I... That's not..." they stammered, trailing off, hoarse voice quick to die out in the face of her frigid sternness. "I'm not..."

"Oh? Am I wrong?"

"No— Yes, I mean, yes, I was... My wrists, they broke when I fell, so... They broke and I don't have anything to fix them with, so I thought resting would be a better idea than running or fighting, and—"

"Alright, alright, stop. Get up. Follow me."

She began to walk away.

"H— huh?"

"You want to survive, don't you?"

They scurried after her before they could have any kind of second doubts.

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

The woman introduced herself as Skirk, a seasoned swodswoman with extensive knowledge about the Abyss and how to survive in it. She had been kind enough (well... it was debatable whether her gesture was out of kindness or due to ulterior motives, but they had no other choice but to trust her) to treat their injuries, stiffly wrapping their wrists so that they could heal properly.

It took about six weeks for them to heal adequately. Within that time, they were surprised to find that they had begun to be able to see through the darkness, as though their eyes had finally adjusted.

They had hoped she would help them get out when they were fully healed, but...

No.

When she asked if they wanted to survive, she sure as hell intended to teach them how to do just that.

"Slow, uncoordinated, weak," she criticized venomously, swinging her blade down at them with great force. She would undoubtedly kill them if they gave her any chance to. If they made one mistake... "Just how do you think you'll get by in this realm when you can hardly defend yourself?"

"I— I didn't have to in Teyvat!" they sobbed, tears streaking down their cheeks from both the pain of the several open cuts and bruises blooming on their skin and the pain of being away from home for so long. How long had it been? They had no clue. Their wrists throbbed as they parried her blade with one of their own. "I was the apprentice of a doctor! I was safe there!"

"Well, you're not safe here. Get used to it," she sneered. "It's kill or be killed down here."

"I don't want to kill!"

"Then you'll be killed."

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

"Stop hesitating. Kill it."

The Abyssal creature at their feet seemed to whimper, trying its best to crawl away from them. It's body was already terribly mangled, limbs broken and twisted in ways they never should have been. Archons know what the eldritch creature even was—they sure as hell had no clue. All they knew was that they felt sorry for it. It looked so small and weak beneath them. 'Pathetic,' a malevolent whisper drifted through their mind, 'it looks pathetic.' With a shake of their head, perhaps in an attempt to rid their mind of such cruel thoughts, cries escaped their throat. Their chest rose and fell in sobbing, labored breaths. All they could hear in their ears was the distinct sound of blood rushing. Their chest ached. Their body ached.

They wanted to go home.

"I can't, Skirk, I can't..."

"You can," she hissed, "and you will."

"No," they cried harder, "look at it! I can't..."

"You can," she repeated, though this time with strange serenity, as she stepped behind them; with her hands, she forced their dagger down into the creature's chest, "and you will."

Blood splattered across their figure as they let out an utterly visceral wail.

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

Soft sobs wracked their figure. The more they tried to suppress their cries, the worse they got.

Many nights were spent in this manner. It wouldn't be the first night they spent crying themselves to sleep, and it was unlikely to be the last. Was it from the pain? The stress, perhaps? They truly didn't know. The only thing they knew was that they could only fall asleep if they exhausted themselves by crying first.

They just wanted to go home.

Then again...

Would they be accepted back? There was blood on their hands now. Fresh blood of a life that had value just like any other before they so cruelly took it away because in Skirk's words, it was 'kill or be killed.'

Would they still be viable for Changsheng's contract?

What if their master was dead by the time they returned?

What if they never returned?

Maybe that would be for the better.

But they wanted to go home regardless.

Then, the first light they saw in what seemed to be ages graced their empty irises. The light was treasured. Without thinking, they trapped it between their palms like one would to a firefly in the night so that it could not escape them.

A cool, smooth stone that most definitely wasn't there before now sat between their cupped hands. The rush of cold against their feverish skin prompted them to peer inside the little cage created by their rough hands.

Inside sat a Cryo vision, still-wet blood smearing over its chilling surface.

That night, they cried harder than they ever had before, clutching the Cryo Archon's blessing like it was some kind of lifeline.

Contrary to what they may have believed at the time, the night they got their vision marked the final night they would ever spend crying themselves to sleep in the Abyss.

That "morning," Skirk would note an evident change in their demeanor.

That "morning" would mark the point at which the Abyss officially reached the depths of their soul, sucking the last of the light from them and changing them fundamentally.

That "morning" would mark the point at which they were no longer Changsheng's next contractee.

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

Skirk taught them much in the first seven months of their time in the Abyss.

The longer they stayed, the warmer she became in her behavior towards them. She vaguely reminded them of their medicinal Master, though she was certainly much tougher than he was. She was not unkind, they had concluded. She was simply hardened. Archons know what she must have been through to be so cold.

Despite all that, she even did them the kindness of celebrating their birthday.

"When you do finally get out," she had said to them that day, "you will find that very little time has passed in Teyvat. Don't be surprised. You'll be a year older mentally, but your bodily age will be about the same as it was when you fell."

"How long has it been since I fell, then?"

Her reply sent chills up their spine, stomach twisting in sheer disbelief:

"Seven days."

Of course, "celebrating" just meant that they got to sleep the day off rather than be relentlessly beat up by the swordswoman. Nonetheless, they appreciated the break.

Ultimately, they had come to the conclusion that she was much different than what they'd initially assumed.

They'd taken it upon themselves to patrol around what Skirk considered to be her "territory." They'd chuckled a bit to themselves when she described it in such a way, but said nothing, only offering to patrol in her place for the day as a favor. Allegedly, that was how she encountered them all those months ago.

They were surprised to find that they, too, encountered a poor victim of the Abyss. It was a boy; if they had to guess, they would say he was somewhere around their age, maybe slightly younger.

'Is this what Skirk saw when she looked at me? Archons, no wonder she looked like she was going to tear my throat out,' they mused absently, unblinking void eyes staring down at the ginger boy on the floor in front of them. He looked like he wanted to say something but simply couldn't force the words out. 'He really does look like a lost puppy... is that what I looked like?'

His blue eyes were wide with shock and terror, glossed over with unshed tears. The Abyss was slowly beginning to dim the light in those eyes of his, but hadn't gotten very far yet—they still shone with an innocence they hadn't seen in quite a while, an innocence that didn't belong in a place such as the Abyss. His shaking hands clasped weakly at his foot; that's when they noticed that it was broken.

Some kind of forgotten instinct suddenly sparked again in their chest at the sight of his wounded ankle. Life... it was a thing they were supposed to protect. That was something they had been taught for as long as they could recall. It was only after falling into the Abyss that they began to stray from those teachings.

They needed to protect him. He was so fragile, the poor thing.

Briefly, they wondered what Baizhu, Jiangli, and their Master were doing right about now. Were they worried? They had no way of knowing. They did their best to brush those thoughts off before the homesickness could set in.

"You're hurt..." they observed, breaking the uneasy silence. "Broke it when you fell, huh? Can you walk, or will I have to carry you?"

"H— huh? Um..."

"Right. Got it. Hurry up and get on my back," they instructed, kneeling down with their back facing him so he could climb on with ease.

"How—" he gasped, withdrawing from them. "How can I trust you?"

"You'll die if you don't," they stated plainly, glaring back at him. Their gaze sent chills up his spine. It was so... empty. He was sure that not even the most seasoned warrior in his home nation looked so blank. It seemed as if all the light had been sucked from their soul, leaving a hardened shell of what they once were. Even Fatui officials had some kind of light in their face, but they simply did not. It unsettled him. "Get on. Now. You wouldn't last a day out here."

Though hesitant and utterly terrified, he yielded, reaching up to wrap his arms securely around their neck. They hooked their arms under his thighs and hoisted him up. Then, with a huff, they stood up.

The silence weighed a little too heavy for the boy's liking. Once the initial terror had worn off, he felt something much warmer bloom in his chest—awe. Absolute, unfettered awe.

Surely someone as tough as them could help him become more courageous.

"What's your name?"

"What, you trying to make conversation? Build rapport? I'm not planning on killing you. Relax," they scoffed. Then, after a brief, awkward silence, they went on, "...It's [Name]."

"I'm Ajax," he greeted with surprising grit for someone who just fell into the Abyss. "Hey, you're brave, right?"

"I... I guess?"

They dared to peek back at him. His eyes shone with light and determination foreign to anything or anyone in the Abyss. It did not belong here. He did not belong here.

"Teach me how to be brave like that."

Little did he know that light would disappear soon enough. They simply chose to look away, rather than mourn the loss that was inevitably going to occur.

"...You'll want to meet my teacher, then. She'll toughen you up."

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

"What is that?"

Ajax squeaked slightly, to which their lips twitched upwards into the ghost of a vaguely amused smile. Skirk must have unsettled him even more than they did.

"A boy."

Skirk's cold eyes narrowed at them. "No shit, [Name]."

"He fell and broke his ankle, so I brought him here," they elaborated, kneeling down again so he could easily get off their back without hurting himself even more. He gingerly slid off of them. Once he was off, they stood back up, walking over to her. "Anyway, I see why you wanted to rip my head off when you met me. You're totally right. He looked fucking pathetic."

"Oh, you get it now, hm?" She smirked, placing a firm hand on their shoulder. "Never thought I'd see the day you called someone pathetic."

They shrugged. "This place changes you, but I suppose I don't have to tell you of all people that." Then, they beckoned her to lean down slightly. When she obliged them, they whispered something inaudible into her ear, occasionally glancing over at Ajax. They eventually withdrew, turning to face him.

"If it's courage you seek," Skirk said, scrutinizing the boy; he seemed to shrink under her gaze, "you'll indeed find it down here."

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

Ajax’s time in the Abyss was short. They had briefly wondered if they would ever one day run into him on the surface when they did eventually get out. The thought was oddly nice.

He changed very fast, they recalled. What was once a timid and easily frightened boy had become a hardened weapon of war that sought out bloodshed just for the thrill of it. It fascinated them, really. Why weren’t they like that? They were but a fraction of the beast that he had become. The sensation of being alive certainly gave them a rush, but they hardly reveled in it the way he did.

Then again, maybe that’s why they could at least hold their own against Skirk.

That was something he could never truly manage to achieve. Once in a blue moon, the Snezhnayan boy could hold his own against them, but never Skirk. She was on a different level entirely. Now that they really thought about it, however, it seemed very likely that it was because he just wasn’t level-headed in the way they were.

That brought another question to mind, however: why wasn’t he level-headed like them? Why did he relish in the bloodshed more than they did?

The only possible explanation was their origins. Being from Chenyu Vale, it was hardly any surprise that one particular ideology was stamped irremovably into their brain.

Even so…

It would be unrealistic to expect that they wouldn’t change during their stay in the Abyss. Their exposure to Abyssal energy was insanely long—the fact that they still cared at all about saving lives was shocking.

Fourteen months into their time in the Abyss, something in their mind snapped.

They could recall nothing about their episode. All they remembered was that Skirk had them training, as usual, against hordes of Abyssal monsters. It wasn’t something all too challenging for them; they were quite used to her highly demanding training sessions. Just when they started getting slightly overwhelmed, an unfamiliar rage boiled in their chest, and they blacked out.

When they came to, all they could see was death.

Blood soaked their clothes and fingertips. They were quick to come to the horrifying realization that it was not theirs. None of the blood was theirs. Not a single drop was theirs. The shallow scratch on their cheek wasn't even deep enough to bleed. They dared not turn around. Their gaze remained locked into the darkness ahead of them, hands trembling and eyes watering.

Before they could say or do anything, before Skirk could say or do anything, the Abyss spit them out. It simply... decided it was done. As if it had grown bored, or as if it were finally satisfied with the level of corruption in their mind and soul. They lost consciousness briefly, only to awaken exactly where they had gone missing over a year ago.

…

Well, over two weeks ago, they guessed. Time dilation was a difficult thing to get used to.

“Bright… Archons above…” they groaned, pressing their hands over their eyes in an attempt to gradually adjust to the sheer brightness of the surface. It made them a little sick, if they were to be quite honest; they had grown used to the pitch blackness of the other realm. “Gods, it’s bright…”

“…[Name]?”

They peeked through their fingers, squinting in the hopes of being able to make out the figure standing a few feet from them. When it finally hit them just who it was, their heart throbbed. The soft green hair they had grown so accustomed to braiding throughout their childhood, now wild and untamed as a terrible consequence of stress and panic, the tender eyes filled with perhaps a little too much wisdom for a child that age…

They were really back on the surface. It wasn’t just some sick trick of the mind, no.

They were home.

“Bai— Baizhu?”

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

He was quick to call for help, leading them back to their shared Master. Jiangli seemed to almost cry when she saw them again—tears of relief or tears of worry, they didn't know. She reminded them of a concerned mother.

However, something they dreaded terribly had come to pass.

Their Master discovered that they were in no need of his healing. They were uninjured. All that blood was not theirs. It was never theirs. They were completely unharmed.

"There isn't a single scratch on you."

They intentionally avoided his gaze, instead focusing on their hands rested in their lap. Absentmindedly, they noted how calloused and scarred their hands were compared to how soft they had once been. The hands of a healer had become something far more sinister. Changsheng was eerily quiet.

"...[Name]?"

"No"—they sniffled, finally meeting their Master’s golden irises filled with tender concern, concern they did not deserve after what they had done—"there isn't."

The conversation died right then and there.

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

Their departure from Chenyu Vale was sudden and unexpected. Many did not know why they left. All they left behind that could explain why they left was a small envelope for Baizhu, but they honestly didn't know if he would even open it. Leaving him without a single word... it made them want to cry every time they thought about it.

The goodbyes they said to Jiangli and their Master were tearful, but neither of the two could stop them from leaving after learning that they had suffered so much. After all, what place did a killer have in Chenyu Vale?

‘You’re not a killer,’ Jiangli had insisted. ‘You’re not. You belong here, with us.’

They disagreed with her sentiment. How could she still look at them with such kindness, even after knowing what awful things they had done? Maybe that’s why they left without speaking to Baizhu. Maybe they knew he would have pleaded with them to stay. Maybe they knew they would have stayed if it were he who asked.

Many of their years were spent wandering Teyvat, but every now and then...

They'd settle in Snezhnaya to catch up with an old acquaintance of theirs after tracking down his whereabouts.

"The Fatui, hm? Looks like you really aren't some scared little kid anymore. Shame. You were quite a cute scared little kid."

They hopped from nation to nation on a whim, picking up knowledge and still studying medicine on the side, though they wouldn't dare call themselves a doctor of any kind. It was Liyue that they often avoided, and if they really couldn't help it, they'd sneak along the border like some kind of internationally wanted criminal. The idea of running into Baizhu would always send their stomach into knots. What would they even say to him? He owed them nothing. He owed them no kind of forgiveness.

'And yet, despite all that...' they mused, staring vacantly at the sleeping Jiangli at their side, 'here I am. I won't let anything hurt you, even if it means putting myself at risk.'

Their fingers gently ran through her tangled locks.

The constant pulsating glow of their Cryo vision was indication enough that, through their own means, they were keeping those terrible god remains at bay. Between the gorgeous icy energy that generated from them, a magenta glow was woven in like some kind of skilled artist's tapestry. It was as beautiful as it was unsettling.

The Abyss would always be a part of them. They might as well put Skirk's teachings to use.

"Why do you do such insane things?" they wondered aloud, head tilting back to shift their empty gaze towards the roof of the cavern. "You know that if I destroy those remains, your husband will die, and yet... I followed you nonetheless, knowing I would be at an impasse until someone came to rescue us, knowing I would inevitably cross paths with the one I have fought so hard to avoid. Why are you like this? So irresponsible, but then again... I am no better. I wouldn't be here if I was."

"Jiangli!"

"Well... it doesn't matter now," they murmured quietly, gently shaking her shoulder. "Jiangli, wake up. Baizhu and your husband are here. Some others too… I don’t know them though."

"We found her!... but who's that beside her?"

Baizhu was oddly silent, watching how they treated her with such tenderness, helping her sit up when she groggily rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Jialiang did not so much as flinch, however—he rushed up to them.

"[Name]! How is she?! Is she okay?!"

"Gods, Jialiang—" they hissed, pinching his arm in a soft attempt at scolding him. They vaguely resembled a parent chiding their child, despite the fact that he was older than them. "Don't run like that. You'll keel over dead if you keep that up. She's fine. She was just sleeping, I promise. I ensured her safety."

"Your ability to stave off the effects of the god remains is rather impressive, [Name]."

"...It's really not, Baizhu," they opposed quietly, rising to their feet. They dared not meet his eyes, looking anywhere but at him—they would feel an overwhelming sense of guilt if they were to see the evidence of his and Changsheng's contract, the contract that was always meant to be theirs. On top of that… they were certain he could see right through them, see the way they huffed out their breaths in a labored attempt at getting enough oxygen. "Don't try to make conversation. I'm not planning on running away this time. Jiangli probably did this on purpose... she forced my hand. It— look, it doesn’t matter. We'll talk about this, about everything, later."

He seemed content with that answer—for the time being, at least.

"Well, that's a first," Changsheng hissed from around the doctor's neck, "now isn't it?"

"You're getting sassy in your old age, Changsheng," they commented. "Haven't changed a single bit since the last time I saw you, hmm? Sassy old lady~"

"Hey!"

"Sorry, wait— Paimon's confused," the floating fairy interrupted. ‘Oh,’ they thought, ‘so that’s who Ajax was talking about.’ "Knowing Baizhu is one thing, but knowing Changsheng is waaaay different! Who are you?"

"My name is [Name]," they introduced with deceptive calmness that masked the pure, unadulterated panic they were experiencing on the inside. "You may have heard of me through a certain Fatui Harbinger. ‘Codename Childe, but I also go by Tartaglia,’ you know. The ginger with a bunch of cute siblings. Have you met them? They’re the cutest. Anyway, the harbinger has quite the collection of good things to say about you, traveler."

Aether tensed slightly, shooting Baizhu an odd look, almost as if to ask who he was associating with in his spare time.

"Relax. I'm not a part of the Fatui," they dismissed with a wave of their hand. "Those people are a bit insane, if you ask me, supporting a deity who hardly seems to care for them or the general population of her nation... Erm. Anyway. I only happen to know Ajax because we were both victims of the same circumstance a while back."

"What..." Aether trailed off, blinking. Something in the way he looked at them, looked at the blankness in their eyes, said that he already understood. "...What does that mean?"

"Ask him yourself. Do me a favor, though, and tell me what he says. I'm genuinely curious."

"Hey!" Paimon cut in with an annoyed huff, stomping her foot like an aggravated toddler. The thought made them smile slightly. "Stop ignoring Paimon! You still didn't answer her question!"

"[Name] was another one of my Master's disciples, like Jiangli," Baizhu explained on their behalf, briefly glancing in their direction. "Although... I haven't seen them in several years. Like Jiangli, they too ran away."

"Oh, Gods, Baizhu," they groaned, turning to face him properly for the first time in years. Their breath almost dared to hitch at the golden irises that stared back at them. "Don't be dramatic. Are you telling people I ran away? I didn't run away. I told our Master why I was leaving and when I planned on doing so. It's Jiangli who really didn't tell anyone why she left. I wasn't that secretive about why I left, you know."

"Nuance."

They then softened up slightly, running their hand through their hair. A deep sigh left through their nose. "...You really haven't changed at all."

He seemed to smile a bit at their exasperation. It was only fair, they supposed. They had left him in the dark for years. He deserved to find some amusement in the uncomfortable situation they were both forced into.

"Well... whatever. We have bigger issues than my past friendships right now," they said, crossing their arms over their chest. "What are we doing about these remains? I have protected Jiangli's body and mind, but only to an extent. She is infected and it will continue to worsen if we do nothing. However, if we destroy these remains..."

"Indeed..." Baizhu murmured, turning to the man in question. "If we destroy these remains, your life will come to an end."

"If you knew what she was doing," Aether cut in, "why didn't you stop her?"

"You cannot stop a woman like that once she has her heart set on something. All I could do was watch from the background until she put herself in too much danger, to the point where I'd have to defend her," they sighed, "such as what she did here."

Jialiang looked between them and Baizhu. "...I had wondered when this day might come."

Jiangli was silent.

"We've been working our butts off to save Jialiang's life!" Paimon shouted. "We can't just give up on him now! Baizhu, you're a great doctor. Surely you've gotta know of some other way we can save him, right? Or— [Name]! If you studied with Baizhu, you should know a few things too, right?"

"Sure. I still remember some things from that time," they replied, tilting their head back a bit so they could gaze at Jiangli's husband. "Jialiang could continue taking the poison. Jiangli is... in decent condition overall, so it wouldn't be the end of the world to delay the destruction of the remains, but she will fall more ill as time goes on. Either way, someone will die if we don't do something."

"[Name], you've been watching Jiangli," Jialiang stated, standing up to meet their eyes. "How long does she have?"

"If she completely stopped coming here..." they mused thoughtfully, "a few weeks at most would be my guess. You'd probably get a more precise answer from Baizhu, though."

"I would say that is accurate," Baizhu agreed, nodding. "I could... extend that time, however, if I were to treat her using a secret art."

"You..." They wanted to scold him, chide him for even suggesting such a thing, but in the end, they did not. It would make them a hypocrite. They simply bit their tongue. Jiangli watched closely with a gentle gaze comparable to that of an aunt or a mother as the various emotions flickered across their expression.

"...But what would be the point of that?" Jialiang lamented. "Dr. Baizhu, I am all too aware of the dangers of god remains. You are not the first to mention it to me. [Name] often warned me, but... I did not listen. If I continue to sustain my own life using this wretched substance, then not only would Jiangli have to keep risking her life to make my medicine for me, but I would have to live with the looming threat of these remains breaking out and wreaking havoc not just upon me, but my entire family. I know for a fact that I should have died over a decade ago. The fact that I've been around to see Ayu grow up is already a great blessing from Rex Lapis. If my choice can keep Jiangli alive, then... even if I die..."

"Jialiang..." Paimon trailed off.

The man chuckled sadly. "After cheating death for so long, it seems I've grown somewhat addicted to life."

"Life is a terrible drug for those of us who often come face-to-face with death," they admitted, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Take a minute to talk with Jiangli. We'll wait."

"Thank you..." he said, kneeling down at his tired wife's side, "I'm sorry that I won't be able to repay your kindness in this life."

"Jialiang...” Paimon cried, wiping her face with her little balled up hands. “Baizhu, Changsheng, [Name], is there really nothing else any of you can do?"

"Cheating death is beyond my ability," they answered apologetically. "I know much of arts that are... beyond this world, but they are not used for preserving nor extending life. I wish I could do more, but I can’t. My apologies."

"I am sure that over the years, Jiangli will have tried all the conventional methods known to humankind. As for the less conventional methods, I have little expertise besides Changsheng's secret art..."

Aether's gaze flickered between them and Baizhu as he said that, before settling back on the Liyuean doctor. "...They're aware of it?"

"Try to avoid treating me like an outsider," they half-scolded. "Believe it or not, I was meant to be bound to Changsheng. Fate had different plans, however, so yes. I am very much aware. Even through the medium, that being Changsheng, none of Baizhu's predecessors could manage to cheat death."

"Mortals are fated to grow old and pass on when their natural lifespan runs out," the snake mused. "If it were so easy to combat the natural processes of aging and death, Jiangli would not have had to resort to unnatural methods."

Paimon sniffled. "What a crazy situation... Jiangli risked it all to save Jialiang's life, and now, Jialiang has to sacrifice himself to save Jiangli. What's the point of it all..?"

"Love, I have heard, tends to make people do insane things," they stated. "It's quite tragic, really."

The traveler nodded. "All we can do now is honor Jialiang's decision and bear witness."

"...I've seen many final farewells in my time," Baizhu commented softly, quietly, "but I can never get used to it."

"In the human realm, all things must come to an end. Is it not a fitting end to die for a worthy cause? At least... that's what generations of Masters before you always believed."

They wondered if Changsheng was somehow trying to be reassuring.

"The path they chose was indeed a heroic one," Baizhu agreed, "but when I think of those who would willingly sacrifice themselves for others... I cannot help but think that theirs are the lives least deserving of death."

The quiet whispers shared between the couple gradually died down. It was then that Jialiang stood up.

"I've said my goodbyes. My time has come. Do what you must."

"As you wish."

"We have not been in contact for years," they spoke up, stepping forward and raising their hand, "but I know you well enough to know that a man dying indirectly by your own hand will weigh on your mind. I will take care of this. Stand down, Baizhu."

The doctor seemed momentarily stunned, but he nodded nonetheless, backing off. "...Very well, [Name]."

With a chilling wind and a flick of their wrist, the god remains dissipated with a hiss.

It wasn't very long until Jialiang collapsed.

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

"Jialiang..! Jialiang!"

The man shot up with a gasp, instinctively clutching at his chest.

"Dad! Are you awake?!"

"Jiangli..? Ayu? Didn't I..." Jialiang trailed off, gaze drifting to the seals stuck on his skin. "Huh? What are these?"

Changsheng’s voice drew his attention. "How does it feel to come back to life?"

"Do you feel strange or different in any way?" Baizhu questioned, walking to his bediside. "If so, could you describe it to me in detail?"

"Dr. Baizhu! I thought I was going to..."

"Die? You did, actually," they stated, gently holding his arm, carefully inspecting the sigils as to not disrupt the delicate imitation of immortality that the doctor had created. "To think this is what Baizhu's been doing in my absence... absolutely fascinating. Sorry, Jialiang, do you mind? I'll back off if it's uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to tell me.”

Jiangli giggled at her husband's look of sheer confusion.

"Uh... no, you're— you're okay..? Go ahead."

Baizhu's lips quirked up at the sight of their enthusiasm. He said nothing of it, though. "As things stand now, you're more akin to a zombie than a human."

"...I'm a zombie?!"

"That's right. Before we set off, I asked Qiqi to prepare and Elixir of Immortality. With its help, you have been suspended in the space between life and death. Of course, this is but a crude imitation of an adeptus art. I don't expect it to extend your life indefinitely. Whether it will keep you alive for a few days, a few months, or a few years...” Baizhu mused, “I am as interested as you to find out, but however long you have left, I believe it should be more than sufficient time for you to say your final goodbyes before departing the world in peace. ...I hope Director Hu finds this arrangement to be a satisfactory one?"

"An Elixir of Immortality? How'd you cook that up? Ugh," the girl in question groaned, "leave it to you to work on something like that behind my back..."

"It's a work in progress that hardly lives up to its name, and it would've had no effect if not for Jialiang's iron will." Baizhu shifted, crossing his arms over his chest. "In the end, I am merely a doctor. I understand very little about the great principles governing life and death, and the perpetual cycle of yin and yang. All I know is that if I am presented with a life that deserves to be saved, I will do everything within my power to save it. Even this would have counted for nothing if not for Director Hu's assistance... after all, did you not tell Jialiang to show us the way before we set off for Qingce Village?"

"Oops! Aaaand, I'm busted..."

"Without Director Hu nudging things in the right direction, we may not have found Jiangli and [Name] in time. They could only hold those remains off for so long."

"It wouldn't have meant anything if not for your friend over there," she pointed out. "They nudged me first."

"I did," they conceded, finally backing away from Jialiang after finishing their investigation of his sigils. "What of it? I was worried about Jialiang and Jiangli. I told Director Hu who I was and where I was headed after eavesdropping, and then she nudged Jialiang in that direction. It's not that serious."

"Eavesdropping is kind of serious!" Paimon exclaimed, shooting them an odd look.

"Fair point, but it's not like I was eavesdropping on someone I've never met. What could Baizhu have said to you that I wouldn't have already known? Absolutely nothing.”

"I knew there were people listening in on our conversation back then," Aether murmured. "To think it was you two..."

"No wonder he didn't mention the Elixir back then," Director Hu muttered to herself. "I thought he was being frank and transparent with me for once, but apparently not."

Jialiang cleared his throat, laughing a bit. "Director Hu told me to keep her suggestion a secret, and [Name] had told Jiangli and I a while ago to keep it a secret that they were in Liyue, but it seems nothing escapes Dr. Baizhu's attention..."

"Never underestimate a serpent's sense of smell!" Changsheng hissed, almost seeming to be proud.

"All I wanted was to help Jialiang find his missing wife as soon as possible, so that he could be on his way to the afterlife without any unfulfilled wishes making the journey more difficult than it needs to be..." Hu Tao sighed. "Leave it to Bubu Pharmacy to snatch the perfect opportunity right outta my hands at the last hurdle! Never mind, I'll just have to put it down in the books as a deferred consideration... one Qiqi was enough of a conundrum; the last thing I need's another one. If I'd known this was coming, I would have whisked him off to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor the moment I found him."

"Y— you stay away from my dad! When I grow up, I'm gonna become a better doctor than Mom and Baizhu, and cure Dad for good!" Ayu declared, making them chuckle into their hand. They ruffled his brown hair fondly. "A— and [Name]! Better than [Name] too!"

"I don't really practice medicine anymore, honey. I definitely don't count as a doctor. You'd outdo me within a week."

Jiangli grinned at them, teasing, "I don't know, [Name]. For someone who 'doesn't practice medicine anymore,' you still act as if you do. You seem very fascinated with Baizhu's imitation of immortality on a very deep level.”

"Old habits die hard," they simply answered. "What can I say?”

"Oh? Is that so?" Hu Tao chimed, turning to Ayu. "Well, you wouldn't be the first person who's tried to put Wangsheng Funeral Parlor out of business. If you're serious about it, you'll have your work cut out for you."

Just like that, she turned on her heel and left.

"Phew... is she finally gone?" Qiqi peeked out from her hiding spot. Upon seeing them, and noting that Hu Tao was gone, she ran over to them, presenting them with a silk flower. "I meant to give it to you earlier... because it's pretty, like you... but I forgot..."

Their face turned serious as they faced the Liyuean doctor. "Baizhu."

"Hm?"

"I'm keeping her. She's mine now. This is my child now."

Both Baizhu and Jiangli chuckled at how purely enamored they were with her, kneeling down so Qiqi could tuck the flower behind their ear. They cooed over her sweetness, patting her head lovingly. Ayu almost seemed a little jealous of the attention they showered her in.

"All's well that ends well!" Paimon chimed, turning to Aether. "If you ask Paimon, we should probably go do something to celebrate this heard-earned family reunion..."

"Paimon's idea of a celebration can only mean one thing..."

"Hehe! At times like this, a grand celebratory feast is in order!"

Jialiang chuckled, "It feels like it was a whole lifetime ago when I last talked with Jiangli and Ayu around the dinner table."

"Rightfully so," they said, "you've been through a lot."

Aether nodded. "This was a hard-earned meal."

"Yaaay~! Paimon can't wait! Alright, first thing's first—off to the market for some fresh ingredients! Let's go~!"

"Wait up!" Ayu shouted, running after them. "I'll come too!"

"Baizhu, thank you so, so much for everything you've done for us..." Jiangli thanked, then turning to place a hand on their shoulder as many had done before her. "And [Name], I would not be as well as I am now if not for you. You've been standoffish for the past decade, but I know you still care. For all of us."

"Ah... I wasn't trying to come off as cold. Things just got tough for me after that incident. I never want you guys to feel like I don't care, you know..."

"Don't mention it, Jiangli," Baizhu reassured. "I was just doing my duty."

"Just your duty, huh..." she mused wistfully. "Baizhu, Changsheng, [Name], would you mind if we took this conversation outside?"

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

"Time flies. It's been so long since we've been together like this... Changsheng, you're the same as ever," Jiangli laughed. "You haven't changed one bit!"

"That's literally what I said to her, too," they exclaimed. "See, I knew I was right! Some things just don't change, hm?"

"...You two, on the other hand, have changed a lot," Changsheng replied, a thoughtful lilt to her tone. She certainly knew more than what she was letting on.

"You're right," Jiangli admitted. "My younger self would have never imagined that things would one day turn out this way."

"I doubt that any of us imagined our lives would turn out this way," they added. "I mean, really... our time in Chenyu Vale seems so far gone now, doesn’t it?”

“It really does,” the woman agreed.

The evening light bathed their face in yellow-orange light; it wasn't quite late enough yet for the light to take on a more golden hue, but it was beautiful nonetheless. Even after all the horrors they had witnessed, they still had the capacity to recognize beauty.

"Liyue's so pretty at this time, isn't it?" they wondered aloud.

"You always did think so," Baizhu replied. "That much hasn't changed."

An oddly comfortable silence settled for but a few short moments as the small group descended the last of the stairs that led to Bubu Pharmacy. Jiangli was the first to break it:

“I’ve taken a look at your Elixir of Immortality, Baizhu, as has [Name]. It isn’t altogether dissimilar from the poison I concocted in terms of the way it functions.”

“I have to say, Jiangli, it was a stroke of genius to use poison to maintain life. I hope you’re not too upset at me for… copying your methods?”

“No, not at all. With your intellect, even if you’d never seen my poison, I believe you would have eventually arrived at the same approach, but I’m still impressed by how quickly you gained such a thorough understanding of it. Jialiang’s still only been in your care for a few days. Not just that—you even managed to improve upon the original formula. That cannot be explained by intellect alone…”

“Ten mora says he tried it out on himself.”

“Ha!” Changsheng laughed. “Told you the truth would come out sooner or later.”

“Knew it,” they hummed. “Life force has never been the only thing Changsheng’s contract allows her contractees to transfer. I know simply because I used to catch our master doing things like that all the time.”

“Baizhu…” Jiangli trailed off.

“…Nothing gets past you two. Yes, Changsheng’s secret art also allows for the transfer of toxins and diseases. When I treated Jialiang for the second time, I transferred some of the poison from his body onto my own. Not only did this allow me to alleviate the burden on him, but it also gave me an opportunity to study its properties. There is no need to worry about any long-term consequences to my health, however. Now that the source has been destroyed, any remaining poison in me will have already dissipated.”

“But you took such a huge risk,” Jiangli opposed. “If we hadn’t destroyed the gods’ remains back there, then even you might have…” She then sighed. “What am I saying? I’m in no position to criticize you for this, and if [Name] knew… it’s no wonder why they were adamant on destroying the remains themselves.”

They nodded. “I had to be sure they would be gone. Believe me, whatever was there before… it is not there now and will never be there again.”

“Leave it to you to see through us all, even from such a distance,” she said with a fond, wistful smile. She turned back to Baizhu. “The reason I left our Master and went into hiding all those years ago was that he was getting old, and I didn’t want him using up any more of his own life force to treat my husband, but in the end… how were my methods any different than his? I risked one life to save another, and then you tried the poison on yourself, too… It looks like both of us have ended up going the same way as out master before us. As for [Name]… heh, they’re hardly any better.”

Baizhu seemed intrigued by her statement. “How so?”

“[Name], why don’t you tell Baizhu how you absorbed the majority of that gods’ remains to keep them from getting to me?”

“It’s different,” they insisted, gaze shifting towards the golden sky. "I mean, I did do that, yes—that’s not what I’m denying. You two do it because if there is a life in front of you deserving of being saved, you save it, and… ten years ago, I would have done it solely for the same reasons. Now, though… It’s different. That incident changed me, Jiangli. I do it because I get a rush from surviving things like that.”

“Nonetheless, your intentions towards others are still good,” Jiangli said, gently squeezing their upper arm. “Would you have done it if you didn’t care? If you weren’t scared for my life? You said it yourself. You were worried about my husband and I. You put yourself in a situation you knew would inevitably lead to you and Baizhu meeting again. You put yourself at risk, and that is what really makes me wonder: are all disciples of Chenyu Vale destined to turn out this way? To live a short life, having given away our own for the sake of others? To fight relentlessly against the natural course of life and death, whatever the cost? …Maybe our fate is sealed the moment we decide to study medicine.”

“We are doctors, Jiangli. We ought never say that anyone’s fate is sealed.”

“Baizhu, I can tell that over the years, you’ve used the contract with Changsheng to transfer many diseases and toxins onto yourself. There are so many, that some of them I don’t even recognize… can you still stop it before it’s too late?”

“Don’t fool yourself. We all know the answer to that question, Jiangli,” they interrupted, “and we all know it’s a very honest no. All disciples of Chneyu Vale believe in the same core principle. Don’t be a hypocrite.”

“Heey~!” Paimon shouted, waving the group over. “Food’s ready!”

“Mom!” Ayu exclaimed excitedly, running up to the woman. “Come and join us! Aether taught me a load of new recipes and said even Dad’ll be able to taste them! Come and try them out!”

“Yes, darling, mom’ll be there in just a minute… Hey, slow down!” she exclaimed, chasing after her child. She stopped briefly, turning back to face them and Baizhu. “Baizhu, I know I won’t be able to convince you, but… please don’t forget that, if one day, you’re not around anymore… Qiqi, Gui, and all the friends that have grown fond of you, they will all miss you dearly.”

“There’s no need to worry, Jiangli. I know what I’m doing.”

“…I can only hope so,” she sighed, “and [Name]? I believe you know where this conversation needs to go. I was honest about why I left. It’s your turn now.”

She walked off after her son.

A silence settled in her absence. This time, however, it was tense.

Then, Baizhu seemed to search his pockets for something. His face brightened slightly when he found it: a small envelope yellowed with age. He handed it over to them.

"You... never opened it?" they wondered softly, holding the letter they'd written all those years ago with such delicacy that they weren't even aware they were capable of anymore.

"I wanted to hear the explanation from you."

"This was from me," they tried to counter.

"[Name]."

"Yeah, yeah... I get it. You wanted to hear it from me directly. I know," they sighed, leaning back against the railing, fidgeting with the paper envelope help in their hands. "It really isn't a pretty story, but if anyone deserves to know... I suppose it's you. I’m surprised Changsheng didn’t tell you already, given how inclined she is to gossiping—”

“Hey!”

“—Just... please. Do me a favor and try not to look at me too differently after you hear it."

Baizhu reached out to their shoulder, giving it a tender squeeze. "I just want to know why you left so abruptly. We were so close. There is nothing you could say or do that would make me resent you."

They smiled bitterly. "We'll see about that."

— flower of the universe !! 🌸

For the first time in a very long time, they spoke to Baizhu.

Not superficially, not as distant professionals, but as friends. It was a moment of honest vulnerability that truly frightened them. They hadn't been that vulnerable since before their fall.

The silence weighed heavily on their chest as they gazed anywhere but at their former friend. Somehow, the anticipation for his response was far more suffocating than any other in the past—even the anticipation for their Master's response was never this heavy.

Then, the Liyuean doctor reached out, gingerly tugging them towards his figure. His arms settled comfortably around their waist.

The weak beating of his heart and the wheezing breaths he took prompted them to sob. The sound they let out was overwhelmingly heartbreaking; it was somehow even worse than the cry they had let out upon taking that first life all those years ago in the Abyss. All the pain they suppressed for all the years they hid from their home, their friends... it all came flooding out at once.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..."

"You went through all of that," Baizhu whispered, his voice meant only for them (and Changsheng by default…) to hear as a hand ran soothingly through their hair, "and you truly believed we would hold that against you?"

"Yes!" they wept. Archons... they hadn't felt this pathetic since their initial descent into the Abyss. "Gods, Baizhu, of course I thought you all would hold it against me! I was supposed to be Changsheng's next contractee! It was never supposed to be you! I didn't want it to be you!"

"I know."

"It's not fair! You— you're here giving away your life force, and you're going to die young, and it's going to be my fault! I should have done something differently! Maybe then we wouldn't be in this situation!"

"It's not your fault."

"It is!"

"It's not."

"You're suffering because of me!"

"[Name]."

"I only ever do bad things to you," they sobbed. "Why do you still want to forgive me? Why are you wasting your time comforting me? You should just move on. You're better off without me."

"Stay in Liyue."

"H— huh?" they sniffled. "What? No, I... No!”

“Stay, [Name]. Please.”

“No! Why do you even want me to stay here?! You should hate me! You should—”

“You’re reckless with your own life. Do you really think I don’t see it? You claim to get a rush from being alive, but… I do not believe that is the only thing you seek out by putting yourself at risk. Mentally well people don’t behave this way. Let me help you. Please."

‘No shit,’ they wanted to say, ‘I haven’t been well since that day.’

“Are you saying you don’t trust me to be on my own?”

“I am.”

Their throat closed. They squeezed their eyes shut.

He was right, much as they hated it.

“…Fucking hypocrite.”

"That may be so.” He smiled ruefully. “If that isn’t good enough of a reason, then… I’m asking you to stay because I want you to stay, [Name]. Stay with me for a little while." His eyes were filled with a gentleness that they wholeheartedly believed should not have been directed at them. "We still get along, don't we? Though you may have changed, I genuinely find it hard to believe anything about us has changed, so stay. Let's get to know each other again, hm?"

They blinked. Once, twice. Tears pricked at their eyelashes.

"...Okay."

They still failed to part from Baizhu, but he didn't seem to mind, only resuming his motions of brushing his fingers through their hair.

"Qiqi quite likes your company, too."

"Yes..." they murmured. "Um, a lot of kids seem to, you know... Ayu, my other friend's siblings... I don't really get it, but they, um, they all seem to like me."

For what was the first time in decades, they felt truly at peace. They'd often engage in meaningless conversation under the sunset's light with Baizhu in their youth, gathering herbs and the like for their shared Master. To do something so similar once again...

It soothed the beast their soul had become.

The sunset's light, however, did not dance in their eyes as it once had.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot! taglist: @zeldadou, @ophelium-flowers, @aikitsuki.

#aphelion writes 🌸#favoniuslibrary #astronetwrk #genshin impact x reader #genshin platonic #genshin x reader #platonic genshin #platonic genshin impact #platonic genshin impact x reader #platonic genshin x reader #platonic baizhu x reader #baizhu x reader

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bonny-kookoo · 1 year

Text

Jungkook

𝓜𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓫𝓮 : I can't save us

There are lessons in life no one should have to learn.

Tags/Warnings: Angst, hurt & Comfort, Idol!Jungkook, Hybrid!Reader, Cat Hybrid!Reader, mentions of depression and depressive thoughts, heartbreak, homelessness, it's a bit heavy sorry, mentions of mental abuse and manipulation, betrayal, slow burn, eventual smut, dead dove do not eat

Dead Dove do not eat: warning for potentially triggering content that can't be tagged without spoiling the story.

Length: 2.5k words

-> Masterlist

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

"Have you informed police about it?" Yoongi wants to know, sitting on the youngest's couch, but the idol in question immediately shakes his head.

"They'll put her into a shelter, and she would stay forever in there due to the fact that you can't put a legal NDA on her- so the company told me she could never be adopted by anyone ever again- they, they'd make sure of it-" Jungkook rambles, holding his head, and Yoongi feels both confused and concerned over the entire situation. He himself never really knew why Jungkook suddenly gave his hybrid away back then- he never really talked about it, avoided the topic, so the rapper simply assumed you both broke up and decided to part ways. But from what he hears right now, Jungkook still very obviously still cares about you.

So what really happened?

"But if you care about her so much, why'd you give her away?" He wonders, looking at the younger Idol in front of him.

"When.. Jin-hyung got engaged, remember?" Jungkook tries to explain himself. "The stalking, the comments, the airport incident, the protests- I… got scared. I just wanted her to be safe, a-and when I saw everything happen to him, I just felt so awful because I never thought of that.." He rambles, making Yoongi nod in understanding.

"I mean, I won't lie and say it was a cakewalk-" Yoongi starts. "But they got through it, didn't they? No one really cares about it anymore." He shrugs.

Jungkook stays silent at that, looking at nothing in particular, while his hands hold the tri-colored dog plushy that belonged to you at some point. "Jungkook.. you're not fine." Yoongi tries to reason next to him. "And you won't be fine unless you either fix this, or close this chapter-" He attempts, but Jungkook shakes his head, letting his head hang low.

"There's no fixing anything, hyung." He sighs in defeat. "There's nothing left to fix." The idol simply says, seemingly having given up.

"You're not even trying-" Yoongi shakes his head, but Jungkook grows irritated at that, it seems like.

"I've tried!" He argues with teary eyes. "I've tried, I failed, and I can't accept it!" He sobs, fingers clenching the soft material of the plush toy. It's long lost any scent of you, and he feels terrible for it. He should've just left it in your room, where it would've waited loyally until he himself would man up and bring you back home. But was this even a home to you anymore?

He can't tell.

What's the point of anything if he completely fucked up not only his potential future, but yours as well? He's taken every chance of a happy life from you because of his own selfishness back then. Because he didn't think it through, didn't realize that there were issues at hand that he should've been able to foresee. But he had been blinded by his own love for you that he was convinced love alone would be enough down the line. That if he loved you enough, the world would protect you as well.

But it doesn't work like that.

"How about we go one step at a time?" Yoongi wonders from the side, careful not to rile the young man up again. "one step at a time, nothing more."

"But every step I take towards her will only make it worse.." Jungkook denies, shaking his head. His eyes are still red from crying, head aching from the force of his sobs. He can't deal with the fact that you're still outside, sleeping god knows where, probably running off further and further away from him. Maybe you're not even there anymore, maybe you've been hit by a car, run over by a train-

"Jungkook you're having a panic attack-" Yoongi worries, trying hard to calm his friend down. "We can get her back here, just for now, okay? We can bring her here where it's warm, where she's safe- Jungkook there's security here, no one will harm her here." He attempts to push through whatever train of thought is running through his friend's mind at the moment.

"And then what?!" Jungkook breaks out. "She hates me, she has to- I hate myself too.!" He confesses, and the producer nods in front of him.

"I know, Jungkookie." He nods in sympathy. "I know you do."

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

"Come on tannie, do your business so we can go back inside!" Taehyung whines, watching his tiny dog roam around the streets, a rare break from the rain having given him a chance to have his dog go a little round outside to stretch his own legs as well for once. The weather is terrible, and he hopes that everyone's safe tonight.

His dog is yapping at something in the distance, before he seems to try and jump up at a person, a white cat tail peeking out from a little oversized dark blue coat. Similar to one Jungkook used to have, he thinks to himself, as the person bows down to pet the dog.

Wait.

Taehyung walks closer, can't see your face- but he knows it must be you. He doesn't know the entire story, or what's really going on- but he knows that Jungkook and you were together at some point, until you both broke up, the reason never declared to anybody. And he himself didn't ask- at the end of the day, he'd hoped his best friend would open up to him at some point himself, but he never really did. What were you doing back in Seoul? Last time he saw you, you'd taken a train.

"Hey- you should probably go inside soon, before the weather gets worse again." Taehyung tells you, picking up his dog. "I'm sorry he's barking so much. He doesn't like cats." He apologizes, and you just nod, smiling at the little dog. And much to his surprise, you reach out to pet him, something the Pomeranian eagerly accepts. "Oh? You're just excited?" He asks his dog, and you nod as if to answer for him.

He gets why Jungkook liked you. You seem very friendly, but also calm in nature- and from what he can see, you're very pretty as well.

"Hey- Jungkook asked about you a few days ago." Taehyung tells you, and you tense up at that, as if you just realize who he is. "He never really said what happened between you two?" He questions. "Though, it's fine if you don't wanna say. It doesn't really concern me, I was just wondering." He shrugs, and you don't answer. Ah yes- he remembers Jungkook once said something about you being really quiet. "Well-" He nods, bowing respectfully to you. "-take care, okay?" He offers, and you nod, before pointing at him as if to say 'you too'.

Before you leave, swallowed up by the night.

And he can't help but feel a bit weird.

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

You're sure he just wants you to go back to Hanako.

You won't be doing that- Hanako doesn't want you, and shouldn't be forced to take care of you. You didn't even need to hear why he was there- his scent had immediately alerted you of his presence. You could never forget him at any point in your life. He's haunting you like a bad dream, constantly filling your mind. You were definitely stupid to even come to Seoul- but your transportation ticket has expired at this point, giving you no legal way of getting out of here.

You don't want to go back to Hanako. She should live her own life, and not spend it taking care of you. It's not fair.

You didn't sleep at all since yesterday- somehow now terrified of him finding you at any point, forcing you to go back where you came from. He's mad, isn't he? You didn't do what he said, even if he didn't even say anything at all. Will he send out authorities after you now? Has he told police you're missing yet? You can't trust anybody now, shouldn't- or maybe you should dye your hair and hybrid features, maybe that would help you at least a little not to stand out anymore. Maybe that'll help.

Maybe it'll make you a better ghost.

You're awfully tired today, but not as in sleepy. Your muscles feel weak, like you've done a horrible workout- but they're not hurting. It's more like they just won't work the way they're supposed to- and it's making you stumble and trip constantly, jeans already cut open by the pavement ground. You're also not sure anymore where exactly you are- you know you should remember these streets, but the memories are foggy, unclear, making you unsure and scared of your surroundings.

And your arm is hurting, skin tender and muscles below aching bad.

You know you shouldn't scratch it, but you can't help the irritating feeling of it bothering you to the point of tears. You've got no money for food left, nothing to really buy you anything- and in a way, it feels like the end.

Like you're about to become a real ghost.

Is Jungkook at home? He must be, considering its pretty late, and the weather is still pretty bad outside. No one really wants to be out in the rain like this, the wind constantly blowing your hair around, wet strands sticking to your face. It forces you somewhere more secluded, a parking lot belonging to an apartment complex- having you climb over a fence to get to it, a more tedious action than usual considering your physical state. You know something's wrong with you, but you can't really do much about it, can you? Going to a hospital would just lead you into a shelter, or worse, back to Hanako who's probably happy right now you're not with her.

You just want to sleep a little, right here, underneath the little roof for the bikes standing around. It's not dry at all, but it's at least something. It's a dark corner where no one will see you until tomorrow morning when everyone will start going back to work. It'll be alright until then.

You just need a little nap, you think, as you curl up in the very corner to close your eyes just for a moment.

~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~;~✿~

"Let's go." Yoongi offers suddenly, getting up.

"What?" Jungkook whines almost in protest, before his friend forces him up from the couch as well.

"Grab a blanket or something we can put in the back of my car. We're gonna go out, search for her, get her back home." He says.

"But what if it's not home for her anymore?" Jungkook weakly protests. "She-"

"One. Step. At. A. Time." Yoongi shakes his friend by the shoulders a little. "First, find her. Then, get her here, where she can warm up, where we can talk. Step after step Kook, no running this time." He scolds, and Jungkook weakly nods, walking into his bedroom to fetch a blanket.

Later in the car, it's silent for a moment- until Yoongis car alerts him that someone's calling his phone. A little annoyed, he declines it, instead turns towards his friend in the passenger seat.

"Where do you think she might've gone to?" Yoongi asks the Idol sitting next to him in the car. The rapper has put down the seats of his car in the back, making room for you to comfortably lay in in case they find you tonight- a thick blanket covering the interior of the backseats and trunk area.

"I don't know." He sighs in defeat, trying to keep an eye on everything passing by as they drive around the neighborhood you were last seen- but there's no sight of you. "She's probably hiding. Hyung, the weather is so bad-" He worries, watching how they have to drive a bit slower to not spray the water everywhere on people walking past them, and his fears only grow when the first lighting of the night rips through the sky above. It's barely seen amongst the tall buildings, and for the first time, he feels small, tiny, insignificant. Do you feel intimidated by the tall structures? He remembers when you first met, you told him he was scary because he was so much taller than you.

Tall things scare you. You've got a fear of heights, a fear of flying.

"I know it's scary, but focus." Yoongi offers, driving carefully. "She's smart though, isn't she?" He offers, and Jungkook nods almost on instinct. Of course you're smart. The smartest around, the smartest cat he's ever known. "Then she must've tried to find shelter around somewhere further away after she's noticed you. She wouldn't want to get caught in case authorities are after her- she doesn't know you didn't call anybody, right?" He asks, and Jungkook nods again. "See? So she probably wandered a bit further away, tried to find somewhere secluded, sheltered, where she could sleep for tonight."

Yoongi is right. But still, it worries Jungkook greatly that there's no trace of you, that he can't seem to figure out where you could've gone. He's lived together with you for years, has loved you- but right now, he's so unsure of everything he's done and doing and going to do, that he doesn't trust in anything his mind comes up with. It could all just make it worse, and he doesn't want to make it worse.

He's done that enough.

Taehyung calls again, and this time, Yoongi accepts, well aware that his friend won't stop until he's picked up the call.

"Taehyung- it's not a good timing right now." Yoongi says into the car's speaker system as he accepts the call from the younger singer.

"Yeah I know, but Jungkook isn't picking up his phone." He whines almost, in the background the sound of Yeontan's nails clicking on the floor. "Has he made up with his ex?"

"I'm in the car, what are you talking about?" Jungkook snaps almost irritated. He doesn't like that word, 'ex' all that much. It implies that you two broke up, which.. never actually happened. You were broken up by everyone around you, but you never chose to break up willingly. That's a huge difference to him.

"Oh, hey" Taehyung greets. "It's just- cause I saw her outside a few minutes ago, and-" He says, but immediately, both Yoongi and Jungkook try to interrupt him.

"Where?!" The youngest bandmember asks, leaning into the control console of the car as if that would make his friend answer quicker. "Taehyung, where the fuck did you see her?!" He presses.

"Uh, near your apartment, why?" He asks. "I thought she came from yours, that's why I thought you two made up or something.." He says, and one look towards Yoongi is all it takes.

His hands immediately setting the turn signal before he rushes back.

#bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts fic #jungkook imagine #hybrid imagine #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook imagine #bts jungkook fanfic #bts jungkook imagine #bts jeon jungkook imagine

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spencersmagic · 2 years

Text

zygomycota - spencer reid

masterlist // join my taglist // navigation

prompt: "did you love her? the woman you slept with. did you love her?"

-> we already spoke but thank u so much for requesting it! (idk if yo u wanna be tagged so not tagging just in case). this was a lot of fun to write <3

couple: spencer reid x fem reader

category: a lot of angst, hurt/comfort. happy ending :)

warnings: mentions of injury, cheating, bacteria (if that's a trigger), addiction, emotional neglect (lmk if i missed anything).

***

To say Spencer’s life had been difficult was an understatement.

Being the youngest recruit in the FBI, the babyof the team, Spencer had to become as tough-skinned as humanly possible. Under all those cardigan sweaters and mismatched socks, Spencer had grown to deal with ableist insults from the local police, and superiors undermining his ability. He understood what he was going to endure in his life, and in the FBI, and he rose to the challenge – simply because it’s what he does.

He had felt his world crumble, his lungs imploding when facing the death of those he loved and, in losing them, he found himself missing parts of himself he would never get back. He had lost way too much. The knot in his stomach had tightened and tightened, now a permanent resident in his throat.

It just wasn’t fair.

But Spencer knew this. He knew that to be the person he wanted to be, he would have to become exceptional at developing a second, stronger layer, incapable of breaking until he got back to his room, hid under the covers, and allowed himself to break down. His emotions always felt like a burden, like they were created to interrupt the moments when he needed to stay strong. It took a long time for him to come to terms with the things about him that he called imperfections, such as his ability to feel so much. Imperfections which are, in reality, what make him such a beautiful person. It was also one of the areas Y/N and Spencer had to work on the most.

***

Y/N wasn’t one to shrink in the face of a challenge.

What’s more, she would argue that it was the very trait of hers that got her so far. The career of a woman in the FBI was bound to have some setbacks, after all. Her whole life, she had experienced resistance from the people who were supposed to support her and lift her up. She had been shamed and assaulted, and everything in-between. She had learned to not take any shit from anybody, no matter how much she wanted to keep quiet.

The phrase you can’t fight fire with fire comes to mind when you think of her. Her kindness didn’t go unpunished by the cruel world that surrounded her in her job, suffocating her until she goes out, but it was one of those things she had learned to live with. Spitefulness hurts people - she was sure of it.

But understanding hurts, too, which was something she never even considered.

At least until now, three months into her boyfriend’s repeated behavior of neglect, hiding, sneaking out at late hours of the night, and hushed calls with an anonymous voice, who remained unnamed no matter how many times she tried to ask. She justified her boyfriend’s behavior, allowing herself to hide inside a cocoon of emotional neglect thinly veiled with lies, at least for a while, until she would inevitably explode.

And Spencer knew she would. At one point, he almost counted on her exploding. Anything to stop the guilt that was growing inside of his chest, poisoning his every breath. He would compare it to zygomycota, in that they destroy what was once full of life and hope, and they decompose it, turning it into nothing. Eliminating any chance of a fresh new breath - one full of excitement and love and the smile on her face when he would gift her tulips.

There’s a limit to how understanding he could be with himself. At one point, the image of himself they had worked so hard to build up, to repair from the repeated abuse in his childhood, felt lost - an illusion. Another of his magic tricks, designed to deceive those around him while still knowing the magic would end up fading. And all that would be left would be him.

There’s a limit to how understanding he could be with himself. And that limit was crossed, snapped apart leaving him with no sense of direction or purpose, when he arrived home at his usual 3 am, a time he knew Y/N would be asleep and far away from any chance of getting hurt by him. He had done enough in the past nights to know he couldn’t expect to be loved by her.

But, God, he wished he was worthy of her love. He wished he hadn’t messed up as he did. That way, maybe, he could find solace in her arms after a bad case. Maybe he wouldn’t have to run to another woman for comfort, the guilt washing over him like waves slowly crushing anything in their path against the mountains.

Ironically, that’s how he felt as he walked in and saw Y/N’s silhouette under the soft light of her computer screen.

Unsure of what to do, Spencer shut the door, placing his belongings in the closet meticulously. He reached down to undo his laces, struggling to get down after his knee injury. His fingers played with the laces aimlessly as he looked at his girlfriend, trying to figure her out. Her back was turned to the door, leaning back and towards the side of the couch. In the past couple of months, she had carried on with her life, hoping Spencer would turn to her at some point. Y/N thought their relationship was stable enough that they could talk to each other about anything. Now, she was closing her eyes briefly, hugging the pillows of the soft couch and imagining she is cuddling with Spencer.

Her eyes stung as she opened them, looking back at the screen through her dried eyes. An episode of Gilmore Girls was on, though she couldn’t tell which one. The comforting show had been on repeat in her computer, distracting her from her real-life problems with the soft whining of the girls.

As Spencer stood to walk towards her, he recognized the show. They had watched a few episodes of it together before the incident, but she probably realized it was hopeless to wait for him to join her.

Who he didn’t recognize was his girlfriend. She felt foreign to him. Her face was sunken, and her gaze was unfocused. As he walked around the couch, he took in her state. Her computer screen shone softly on her face, puffy and irritated at the scratching of the rough pillows against her cheeks. Her eyes shifted to look at him, her expression unaltered, as if she saw through him. In a way, he almost hoped she would. Selfishly enough, it would be easier for him to face her.

He parted his lips, stupidly fumbling for the right words. Apparently, there are no words good enough for when you’re lying to the woman you promised the world to, so he settled for willful ignorance.

“H-How come you’re still up?” he looked into her soulful eyes. He watched her trembling hands, an action he knew came from her excessive tea drinking when she stays up at night to study, as they reached to take off her headphones, looking down.

She took a deep breath, shutting her eyes momentarily, trying to stabilize her body’s shaking.

“Do you love her?” she shuts her computer.

“W-what?” he asks, dumbfounded. In the weeks he had gone through every single scenario, every nexus parting from the point she found out about his deception, this one hadn’t even crossed his mind. Y/N could only feel her anger bubbling. Anger at Spencer, for thinking she’s stupid enough not to notice. Anger at herself. Spencer had found solace in someone else. She felt ridiculous for waiting for him to get tired of her.

She exhaled sharply, her eyes narrowing at him.

“The woman you’re sleeping with, Spencer. Do you love her?” he stood still, looking at Y/N, who had found the strength within herself to stand up and walk up to him. He had never seen her act this hostile with him.

Spencer didn’t know what he had done, but he knew there was some explanation for what was happening. He scoured his memory for an idea of what was happening, for an ounce of logic in this chaos.

“Did you hear me?” she raised her voice, no longer able to control herself. “Do you love her? Or is she like me? Someone who waits on the sidelines for an ounce of attention, of comfort, only to wake up to a cold, empty bed” she broke down, tears streaming down her face for, what felt to her, like the hundredth time in the past few weeks, unable to contain her anger for another second. The memory of the past weeks hung heavy on her heart, pulling her down. In fact, he could’ve sworn he saw her knees go weak.

Instead, she remained strong as she watched her boyfriend, the man she loved so deeply, stumble over his words. His eyes were red, and he kept rubbing them.

“Y/N”, he mumbled. “Y/N I don’t know what I did. I-I wish I did, but I d-don’t”. His poor attempt at excusing himself makes him understand her better than ever. After everything they’ve gone through… If he’s hurt his girlfriend and has had the audacity to forget how he did so, he knows he deserves to lose her.

“You really think I’m that stupid, huh? That much inferior to you?” she stared right into his eyes, inches away from his face, in a way that made him terrified of what he had done to her. He didn’t recognize the woman in front of her.

He had completely broken her.

“The woman you’re sleeping with, Spencer. Does she at least know?”

Tears streamed down his cheeks. Everything was too confusing. Overwhelming, even. How had this happened?

“I’m-“ his own sobs interrupted him, the hope for another chance pulverizing, “I- I’m not s-sleeping with anybody, Y/N”.

Y/N reached into her pocket, pulling out her phone. “How can you expect me to believe that?”. Under the soft glow of her screen, he hadn’t realized just how tired she looked. Had she even slept in the past few weeks? He could barely remember.

Spencer pressed his palms into his eyes, trying to stop the tears.

“Pen sent me these”, her gaze was dull as she turned her phone. “Four outgoing calls to a number registered as Sandra in the past week, all of them well after we’d gone to bed”.

Spencer is a scientist. He knows it wasn’t possible, but at that moment, he could’ve sworn his heart had plummeted to his feet, yet he’d never felt his own pulse as strong as he did at that moment. His mouth went dry.

“I’m sleeping in the spare bedroom. I’ll grab my things and be gone by morning”.

Gone. That’s all Spencer hears. And it’s like his body has gone on autopilot. He takes a step forward, engulfing her between his arms, the tears leaking onto her hair.

At that point, she hated him – she truly did. He had betrayed her trust, lied to her and treated her like she was nothing. Gone, indeed, was the boy she had fallen in love with, the clumsy bookworm who was too scared to talk to her when she joined the team.

But, in his embrace, she allowed herself one last touch, the loneliness of waking up in a cold bed weighing on her. The lover in her, the romantic, wanted to stay in his arms forever. Especially when the body of the man she loved shook so violently, sputtering broken apologies and incoherent syllabled between his sobs, as he lowered himself to his knees, hugging her waist.

As he cradled her body, holding onto her as if she was the last breath he could take before drowning, she felt the need to hug his head, brushing his tears away. As she pushes his arms away, they fall to his sides in defeat, and she can’t stop herself before pressing one last kiss on his forehead.

His head tilted upwards, his eyes glossy and red, and his cheeks pale, a soft pout decorating his cherry lips. “I-I- “ he tries to understand, he tries to explain, but he only shuts his eyes in frustration as she runs her wet fingers over the lines on his forehead.

And with that, she leaves him overwhelmed and confused on the floor. He wasn’t heartbroken, though. He was certain she had taken his heart to the foreign bedroom, filled with promises of a future, and empty of memories of him.

She had been numb for so long that she truly believed she would be able to fall asleep tonight, but all she could do was try to listen at Spencer crying and speaking to himself. She had only seen him like that once.

With a hand against the doorknob, she was doing everything in her power not to succumb to him. Nothing about the past weeks’ walks in the park, and innocent kisses on the subway, and origami figures he had been placing on her desk meant anything anymore. Not when he was running to another woman in the nights.

If there’s one thing she had learned in her time as a woman in the bureau was to stand her ground. Her heart broke with every sob and thud of his body onto the floor, but she also knew that the man who had promised her a future, a family, and an eternity of shared experiences had turned his back onto her for a quick fuck. Just the thought of it made her sick.

“Y-Y/N” she hears the soft knocking against the door, and she feels her whole world crumble again at the thought of having to look into his eyes.

Her fingers surround the doorknob, shaking fingers questioning their journey as she remembers, once again, what he’s done. She’s not sure she could ever stop thinking about it.

But her body knows what it wants. She can doubt and worry and try to separate herself as much as possible from the cold loneliness of the past few days, but she cannot stop herself from turning that doorknob and see him for the last time again.

“Unless you’re here t-“ she is interrupted by the movement of his hand in front of her.

“This belongs to you” he states. And that’s when she saw the blue, engraved plastic coin. “One month”.

Her face fell. “W-what?”

Spencer was adamant. He shook his head, a few strands of hair falling over his face. “You’ve made me realize that I am not a collection of the worst things I’ve done in my life; that I can be better. You taught me how to be”. The hand between them shook involuntarily as his red eyes welled up, again. “Do you remember the case in Nebraska?” she nodded, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as he continued, “I relapsed. I-“ she gasped audibly, interrupting him. He could practically feel the pain she was feeling, and it was driving him mad. Spencer couldn’t believe he had done this to her again.

He shut his eyes forcefully before continuing. “I couldn’t believe I had let you down again, and I couldn’t trust myself again – not after how I was last time, so I got a sponsor”, he watched her face fall, putting the pieces together.

“Sandra” she whispered. “Spencer, I’m so sor-“ she reached out to touch him, to hug him, she needed to make sure he was real, but he took a step back, standing his ground.

“I know you don’t trust me, and after lying to you for the past few weeks, I know I’m not deserving of your trust. But you’ve taught me to not give up, so this is yours”.

He turned to leave when he felt her fingers around his arm, turning him and pulling him into a hug, and he crumbled like a wall around her. His arms snaked under her shoulders, burying his face in the crook of her neck, falling apart. His sobs were loud, knees weak, pulling them both to the floor.

“I’m s-so so sorry, love. I didn’t mean for this to happen, but I started spiraling and I-“ she interrupted him with a sloppy, innocent kiss. They break out of the kiss, his sobs turned to tears she was desperately trying to dry with the pads of her fingers on his face, an everlasting reminder that he wasn’t alone.

“You’ve always been deserving of my trust, Spence. I can’t believe you would think otherwise. It’s just-“she sighed, her body releasing the pain of the past weeks with a shudder and a touch. “It’s been hard lately… with us. And when Pen mentioned your calls, I realized you were drifting away, and it hurt, Spencer” she watched his eyebrows knit and his mouth twist, biting the inside of his cheek. “Of course, it hurt. But I’m always here for you. You’ve made mistakes, and I’ve certainly made my own, we are in this together, do you hear me?” her eyes pierced his own as she waited for him to respond.

“You relapsing will never be a cause for me to break up with you.” Her thumbs drew circles on his cheeks as he slowly relaxed. “I hope you know that”.

“I do”, he mumbled, shifting into her chest. He felt another apology bubbling in his throat, urging to come out.

To say Spencer’s life was difficult would be an understatement. Like many around him, he had shoved his feelings away and underground, ignoring them. To him, they were a nuisance – a bigger handicap than any other circumstance in his life. And throughout the years he had done everything in his power to rise to the occasion – to beat the odds: as a child of divorce and an unstable household, with the IQ of a genius, he had quickly learned from his extensive research that the chances of him being successful were slim.

In his many years of trying to seem enough, he forgot he had to believe it, too.

But what a waste – to make yourself feel nothing so as to not feel anything.

***

i haven't posted in six months and i'm feeling hella weird about this one. is it great? is it horrible? let me know here <3

//tags aren't working for some reason?? tumblr truly is the worst

@lady-anon-x @username2002 @eoupe @galaxydefenderjulia @urie-bowie-mercury @spencerreid-mgg @spenxerslut @huntheimpossible @onyourfingertip @idontwantyourcookiesthanks @big-galaxy-chaos @fiftyshadesofspencerreid @exhaleli @tbuhgs @strugglingtodoshitt

#spencer reid #spencer reid hurt comfort #spencer #reid #angst #criminal minds #cm #not marvel #matthew gray gubler #mgg #matthew #gray #gubler #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #fem reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer x you #spencer reid masterlist

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the-silver-peahen-residence · 1 year

Text

||Her healing heart||

Hi everyone, it’s time for a drabble or a idea. This just came to me after re looking at a old thread. This is for my friend that really is a sweetheart to me.

~~Drabble Summary~~

After the events from what happened, Yuuka has been distance from others and even the DBT. Her team was worried about her, wondering what they could do to help her but she didn’t want to talk to anyone. So, the leaders found out about this wanting to try to talk to her and have Oblivion join to help talk to her. If you wanna know how this went? Read to find out.

||Warning||

~Anguish drabble warning

~Depressed thoughts

~Arguing is possible

~triggering events (Very strong topics will be mentioned here including physical abuse along with her being possessed, it hit her pretty hard.)

~Comfort another

~~Guests in the drabble~

Demon mun’s babies @demon-blood-youths

~The leaders Ink and Kali belong to her, a few of the fractions also belong to her.

~My babies~

~Yuuka, Jinx, Ashley, a few of the fraction members belong to me

((Grammar is still terrible and bad but this is just for fun. I Hope you understand and lets get to it.))

Ever since that day, the fractions have been told of the many adventures from the land of Japan. Hearing what the DBT learned and new people that would visit for vacations. It was said three new people have come back to live new lives but they were already set in a new team.

The DBT was happy to be back home after that but Oblivion was silent, seeing Yuuka’s team welcoming her back. Even if she was telling them she was fine. But she knew she was still recovering. Oblivion knew she was upset.

So everyone figures everything was fine but...that was only for a month.

After a bit, Yuu has been distant from the others where she didn’t want to visit anyone. She didn’t bother her teammates even if they did do some missions. Her team noticed her behavior has changed and even her emotions have gotten.....depressed. When Swan tried to ask if she was alright, she only snapped at her saying she was fine. Swan knew she didn’t mean it but she didn’t bother her from that.

Her team even noticed her different behaviors that she isn’t eating near them but she does eat. She’s been becoming depressed to the point she isn’t visiting the leaders for their girls night out. This worried Ink, Kali, Ashley, and Jinx to the other three asking what happened. Yuu didn’t answer her text message this time nor Kali and she always speaks to her due to them being close. Right now, the leaders with their teams were visiting the DBT’s place and talking.

“Really? She’s not responding to your text messages either?” Jinx asked drinking some soda but Ink sighed to nod.

“Yeah, ever since we came back. She was fine after everything but..something is wrong. She didn’t want to hang out as we agreed for us hanging out and she’s been ignoring the messages even so.” Ink explains this but she was silent wondering about this.

“I..I don’t know....she’s never b..been like this b...before. I heard f..from swan she’s been snapping at people by mistake. I know she wouldn’t d..do that but.....she....I don’t know..” Ashley was worried too.

“Their has to be something wrong if Yuuka is behaving like this. I know something is wrong but..you said it was a disturbing moment you didn’t want to tell us Ink. Did something really happen to her back at Japan?” Kali asked lowering the soda too that the girls were silent but looks to her. Ink said nothing but she closed her grey eyes to sigh.

“Well...........” She then begins explaining what happened to Yuu when they were back in Japan, Tokyo. From telling them what happened to her when she was almost frozen to death, to being infected by the black parasite. Ink told them how she was abused and worse in that room. Even with her being possessed twice. She was close to being killed and her even attacking others and biting Oblivion when being possessed, due to that but Ink stops explaining to open her eyes and look at the others.

Ashley’s eyes were widen in horror.

Jinx was shocked but said nothing, gripping her soda can.

Kali was pissed off hearing this but looks down.

“...And yeah, ever since we came back, Yuu has been healing but she’s-”

“No, No no no. She can’t be Ink.” Ink looks to hear Kali say this. “IF she went through shit like that...she’s got to be fucked up right now. I can’t imagine going through something that sick but...” Kali said nothing but she was quiet. The other three was silent but Ink grips her soda can.

“She’s been through all that....but....I know she’s hurting right now thanks to it. From feeling that pain to her just behaving like this. She was scared to even be around us. We told her it wasn’t her fault but....” Ink looks to the others but she looks to Oblivion that was looking silent worried about Yuuka.

“..T..then s..shouldn’t we..g...go and check on her?” Ashley asked worried.

“..We can but she might not wanna speak to us.....what will make her wanna speak to us?” Jinx said worried but the girls didn’t know what to say to think about it. However, Oblivion was feeling her hands shaking since she didn’t even speak to her for a while. She really got worried.

“Well, we can go and visit her and check on her. IF she’s like this....we don’t know how bad she is right now. We have to check on her.” Oblivion said this but looks to Ink who was looking at her.

“Oblivi-”

“Ink please. I know Yuu’s been avoiding everyone after what happened but we have to tell her this isn’t her fault. It wasn’t her fault she attacked us..” she reaches to grip her shoulder where Yuu bit her. “For hurting me. It wasn’t her fault.” she sees the other girl leaders quiet but Ink sighed to stand up.

“....Alright, we can go and check on her. You girls coming?” Ink asked to see Jinx, Ashley, and Kali nod. They had to check on her and hopes she’s alright. So, the girls along with Oblivion goes to check up on Yuuka.

~~Later that afternoon: At Roosevelt Island in Brooklyn~~

Thanks to a little help with Vivi, she opens a portal to let them go to The Dark Eclipse nightshades place. Ink with the other girls saw the area they were staying in but goes to knock on the door hoping for an answer. It took a bit but the door opens showing Ming who was there.

“Hmm? Ink? Girls? How-”

“We got some help from Vivi to get here. Ummmmm, is Yuuka here?” Ink asked but Ming sighed to look at them.

“She’s here....in her room. She’s been in there for a while after coming home. We were trying to talk to her and find out what is wrong but she won’t even open the door for us. Saying something like she was a danger or something. The others have tried to get through to her but she won’t even respond to us now.” this worried the leaders and Oblivion that widen her eyes but closed her hands into fists.

“.....W..would it be okay to come in and s...speak to her? Maybe we can talk to her?” Ashley suggested but Ming sighed to look at them.

“You can try...please come in.” she moves to let them come in while seeing the leaders head inside seeing the others doing some things but they saw Ming leading them inside before turning. “If you wish to speak to her, she’s upstairs in her room. Her door has the nightshade hanging picture with her name.” Ming said.

“Got it. Thanks Ming.” Ink said.

“Of course..maybe she will listen to you instead of us...” she mutters but saw Ink heading up with the other girls. Within a moment, they got to the other floor but saw the room that belongs to Yuuka. It seems it was shut but Ink and the others looked quiet to see Ink knock gently.

“Yuu? Are you in there?”

Their was no answer but the other girls were quiet. “Yuu.....please, if your in there say something. It’s me: Ink and the other girls and Oblivion. We haven’t heard from you in a while and we wanted to be sure your alright.” Ink said this but waited to hear nothing from her.

Ink, Jinx, Ashley, Kali, and Oblivion got worried but as Ink tries to knock again, they hear a click to see the door open. They look to see Luna in the room but she opens the door to look at them. “Hey., your here to see her...right?” she asked seeing them nod. Luna sighed to move and shows them the inside of Yuu’s room.

Sitting on the bed looking out the window as Yuu but she looked a mess. She seems to have not slept in days due to the black circles under her eyes. Their was a plate of food there so Luna must have been feeding her. The girls looked worried but Ink sighed.

“..Yuuka?”

She tenses up to look seeing the girls but she then looks away not wanting to see them. Luna lets them in but closes the door but looks to Yuuka. “Yuuka..”

“...What are you girls doing here?” she said this in a tired tone but the others looked at her more worried.

“What are we doing here? To see you. We haven’t been getting any calls back from you or texts. We were just checking on you to be sure your alright. But..you don’t seem alright.” Jinx said.

“.....I’m fine......You don’t need to worry. So please just go...” she looks down at the bed but the girls didn’t say anything.

“Y..Yuu please...we are just worried a...about you. Ink told u..us what hap..happened to you an..and..we are just concerned. We are your friends and w..want to help you.” Ashley asked but Yuuka didn’t respond to her.

“.........I can tell but I don’t want you guys near me. Not right now...so please leave.....” she said again.

“Were not leaving till we know your alright. Please, were your friends Yuu. We just want to be sure your okay-”

“I SAID I’M FINE!” the girls wince from her raised voice but Yuu looks away from them but Luna sighed.

“.....Yuuka..Is this because of what happened back at Tokyo? Are you still blaming yourself for everything that happened?” Oblivion steps forward to speak to her but Yuu didn’t say a thing to her. Not to her.

“...I know you can hear me Yuuka. Is this all because of what happened? Because if it is, I told you before, this wasn’t your fault-”

“I feel like it was, Oblivion. I don’t...I don’t know...I don’t...” she started to say but Yuu stops talking to close her eyes.

“...Yuuka, like we have told you it’s not your fault. I even told you this. Your our friend and we just wanna be sure your okay. You can talk to us. You can talk to me. You know that.” Oblivion said but she saw Yuuka looking away.

“Yuuka.”

“..............”

“Yuu, please...I know you can hear me! Don’t blame yourself for what happened!” Oblivion said about to touch her shoulder.

“But I do blame myself!” she said suddenly to make Oblivion stop talking. “I...I’ve been through sick things back h..home. Horrible sick sick things Oblivion an..and..I just....I can’t stop thinking about it. I know that you say it’s not my fault but I..It still scared me.” she started to say gripping the blanket.

“Yuu that-” Jinx tries to talk but felt Ink stop her. She looks to her but saw Ink shaking her head slowly. She had to hear this. After lowering her arm the other girls listen to see Yuu speaking.

“I been stalked by a sick freak ex-hero, brought back home to get arrested and put to sleep. They....They did a lot of shit to me...they kept trying to infect me with that damn bug over and over again till they got it in..that sick black bug that was inside of me. I felt sick..abused..I...I felt it moving like it was already making me sick. I was already had frostbite before having that bug pulled out of me. And now to add to this, i was possessed and attacked my friends...and hurt you...” she mutters but Ink, Kali, Ashley, and Jinx got worried.

Luna didn’t know that but Oblivion said nothing.

“I felt so horrible when I was told what I’ve done....even hurting you. I never meant to hurt you Oblivion..” she said.

“.......I know that. But as we been telling you, it wasn’t your fault. You were possessed. You had no idea this would happen and you got horribly sick thanks to that...” she reaches to grip her own shoulder over where Yuu bit her.

“I don’t blame you. I never did. I was more more worried about you than getting hurt!” she said. “Besides, it was my fault. I should have brought you with us that day so we can be sure you were safe but..we didn’t. You ended up even more hurt....” Oblivion said looking at her.

“...Then why didn’t you stop me?”

“What?”

“Why didn’t you guys just stop me? I know you held me down and all..but you should have...d.done something. What if this happens again? What if I get possessed again!?” she said holding her head.

“Yuu, we won’t let that that happen.” Ink said.

“HOW ARE YOU SURE!? It might happen again! I could do something even worse and even be dangerous to harm you all! My team!” she shouted to grip her hair but her upper face was darkened. “...I never want to hurt anyone..I never wanted to hurt someone! I hurt Yuji. I almost hurt Taz! I....I hurt Oblivion!...”

“........” The girls said nothing with Ashley covering her mouth worried but Kali said nothing.

“.......But we stopped it before it got Worse Yuu, remember? I told you it’s not your fault!” Oblivion said again.

“BUT IT WAS!! IT WAS MY FAULT! I SERIOUSLY COULD HAVE KILLED SOMEONE!!” She shouted now crying that Oblivion goes to grip her shoulder but Yuu was now crying.

“I almost did something horrible...I did something....I could have done something horrible!” she shouted.

“But you didn’t-”

“I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING HORRIBLE!!!! YOU KNOW IT!!!” she shouted. “YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME!! YOU SHOULD HAVE-”

“I COULDN’T DO THAT! I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING! DON’T YOU KNOW HOW BADLY IT WOULD HURT US, YOUR TEAM, AND ME!?” she grips her shoulders to look at her. “I wouldn’t forgive myself that something happened to anyone I care for! that includes you!” she shouted but Yuu was silent that her eyes were wide feeling tears running down her cheeks.

“I....but I-”

“BUT YOU DIDN’T! WE ALL FORGIVE YOU YUUKA! I FORGIVE YOU!” she shouted now gripping her shoulders.

“YOU SHOULDN’T FORGIVE ME!!! I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING BAD!! I COULD HAVE-”

“I DON’T CARE!” Oblivion shouted out tightening her hold on Yuu’s shoulders. “I been worried ever since that day and evening when we got that damn thing out of you! Don’t you think this hurts me too!?! I never wanted you to get hurt! I already blamed myself that you went through that! I don’t blame you for biting me!” she said glaring but Yuu winces but she saw her silent.

“...I know you bit me..I know you were hurt......I...It still stings I know that...but..I never blame you for that. I still bare it.....but it tells me that I could do better to keep my friends safe including you.”

“........But..” she looks down now crying but Oblivion calms down to sigh but sits down to look at her.

“I don’t care. If i had to find a way to bring you back, I would have. Even if it means getting hurt damn it! We all were scared yes, but we were more scared that you would have died that night. I know it was painful and scary...but understand we, nor I are angry with you.” she said but Yuu looks away still crying but Oblivion just looks quiet to pull Yuu in a hug worried.

“...I don’t blame you. I never did...I should be saying sorry because I didn’t know. None of us did...” she said this but hid her face that the other leaders were worried. “So please..don’t blame yourself for this.....I’m....I’ve been worried...really worried.” she said but Yuu only looks down before she closed her eyes crying to sobbing.

“Oblivion..I.....I’m sorry...I’m so so sorry I....” she started to say but Oblivion just hugs and rubs her back.

“I know...I know, I’m sorry too.....I’m sorry you went through all that..I’m sorry you got scarred after being possessed....I’m so sorry Yuu.” she whispered but that’s when Ink, Jinx, Ashley, and Kali goes over but gently hugs Yuuka too.

“*Quietly sobbing*” Yuu just did this for a bit, feeling the tears running down her cheeks to hit Oblivion’s shirt but she didn’t let her go. All she did was remain quiet but without showing it, Oblivion felt tears running down her own cheeks too. Even from all that Yuu went through so much but maybe now she can finally heal. The leaders didn’t have to say a thing but knew Yuu was hurting inside. And that pain will disappear within a few days. Or longer.

After a while, Yuu was sleeping but her head was resting on Oblivion’s lap while she was looking silent. She saw the other leaders still there but Luna told the team that Yuu finally went to sleep. Oblivion already knew this was going to take time for her to fully heal but the girls decided to leave so she can rest up. But, they did leave text messages to say if she wanted to talk or just vent, they were there. For now, they left to let her rest up. They were always there for their friends. No matter what.

I mean after all, friends look after one another as allies but closer.

#IC #silver roses #Drabble/short or long stories #silver butterfly mun #peahen mom #the mansion owner #Her healing heart #The girl leaders of NYC #Oblivion #yuuka nakano #the fractions of NYC #peahen writer

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early20sfailingplenty · 3 years

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May I request some Bo content? With a female S/O who is usually very chipper and warm suddenly having a very bad day and shutting down and lashing out? Like the S/O is usually all over town helping out with chores and bringing the boys meals while they work, but something throws them through a loop and they end up not doing any if the things they usually do and Bo doesn’t notice at first?

Hi, Bobbie!!🥺🌸 hhhh you absolutely can have some Bo content, oml??? I can’t get enough of the Sinclairs hhhhhh🥺🙏 This was really fun to write and I had a lot of fun with the concept! Thank you for requesting; it went in a slightly different direction than what you asked for but I hope you enjoy it anyway!!💗

Also, I worked on this piece pretty solidly for an entire day and it got to the point where I couldn’t see the forest for the trees, so a massive thank you to @arianatheangelworld for reading this over for me to tell me if I got the characterisation of Bo right, and to check for plot inconsistencies. With her approval and keen eye, this piece is finally ready to be shared with a wider audience hasdfghjkl this is one of my favourite pieces as a conflict-averse person (you can thank trauma for that lmfao); it was fun to write!💜

TW; SWEARING, reader’s a bit of an asshole (you’re not responsible for your feelings but you are responsible for how you deal with them and reader is not very mature in this piece - we all have those days, and that’s okay so long as you apologise after and learn from it!) & picks a fight with Bo, Bo gives as good as he gets, Bo’s a bit manipulative, ARGUING BETWEEN BO AND READER (a wrench is thrown but NOT AT THE READER), CRYING (reader), Bo stepping up when he realises what’s happening (FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF because I’m soft for the Sinclairs and I’m not sorry), ELEMENTS OF AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP (it’s Bo, duh), there are MENTIONS OF FOOD (not sure if this one needs to be on a trigger list, but I’m putting it on here just in case), one sentence about a dead person being in Hell from a religious/monotheistic perspective (it doesn’t bother me any because I'm a firm atheist, but I realised that it could negatively affect someone else so for that reason I'm putting it on the list), implications of Stockholm Syndrome BUT THAT WASN'T MY INTENTION WHILE WRITING IT!!! It's just an afterthought to put it on here before I post it in case it upsets someone.

My trigger lists are always so long omg I'm sorry I just never want to upset anyone so I probably go overboard??? Would appreciate feedback on this!!!💖

As always, GN!reader, no coded language (to the best of my knowledge; please correct me if you see something I haven’t noticed!), “you” and Y/N used.

Word count: 4,101 (another short one😩)

BO STOP BEING SO PRETTY OMGGGG🥺🥺🥺😍😍😍

It was just one of those days in which nothing was going right and everything that could be going wrong was, and everything was pissing you off. Ambrose and every fucking thing in it was out to get you, it seemed, and just as you usually did when you were having a bad day, you shut off from everyone and just barely restrained yourself from lashing out at anyone who even breathed in the same area as you. You just kept yourself to yourself, not doing anything the way you usually did. You knew that no one would ever let you not maintain your duties and responsibilities, such as they were. Only once had you not followed through on them, and you had discovered quite quickly that Vincent wasn't above using scare tactics, such as looming over you in such a way that you knew you had no choice but to comply if you wanted him to step out of your personal space.

It was a subtle reminder that you would either end up back in Bo’s disgusting chair, or dumped at Vincent’s stairs if you got too comfortable in their town. That had been in the very early days of your initially forced residency in the ghost town of Ambrose (but, oh, how alive was she on the surface until one dared to scratch at the polished and carefully cultivated veneer). Months had passed since then, and scare tactics from the brothers were no longer used. You could be trusted to do the things you usually did, and indeed did you usually enjoy them. You adored helping the brothers, you loved doing things for them, knowing all the while that they cherished you just as much and, in their own ways, they did things for you as well.

Bo had been, of course, the hardest brother to form a connection with. He was brash, rude, abrupt, an absolute asshole and you loved him for that, among a great deal of other things. As your relationship had gone from captor and the captive to a tepid friendship and then further had the two of you warmed up to each other into the intense romantic bond which you now greatly enjoyed, Bo had stopped being quite so rude. Indeed, his displays of love and affection were quiet but copious, as if he was trying to make up for how he had treated you before he had even known your name. Once you had learned to read Bo’s love language (one of which was asking you to spend time with him in the garage; he loved having you around, though he didn’t tell you in as many words), you came to understand that he was as much of an asshole as he was full of love. Aching was he to both give and to receive love in kind; starved of it and of a gentle touch for thirty some years.

Once Vincent had seen you and Bo interact, he, too, had made more of a concerted effort to take care of you and to do things for you. He had sculpted you and Bo, once, and gifted it to you by leaving it on your bedside table. There had been no note, no signature or anything to denote that it came from Vincent, but you knew all the same. You knew every detail of his particular form of craftsmanship. You had thanked him profusely, both in words and by making him his favourite meal the next day for dinner, prepared just as he liked it. Lester had been the easiest to form a friendship with, and indeed was he the one you went to when things with Bo were too much for you, or when you itched to see different sights but you didn’t want to leave Ambrose. On those days did you go with him to work, wanting to spend time with him. It always gave you a sick thrill to leave Ambrose, but you would always choose again and again and again to return. Where else could you go, would you go, when home contained the one you loved the very most?

Ambrose was your home, Bo was your home, and you loved doing your part to help run the town, to help Vincent with his supplies and wax stock, to help Lester with his job, to maintain your own hobbies because you existed as your own person and you were not wholly defined by anyone else. You had thrown yourself into the life Bo had set out for you (and, oh, how you had fought him on it, until one day you had caught yourself excited to face the next day), and you cherished every moment you got to spend with any of the brothers, but especially with Bo. You were warm towards all three of them, and they were equally so with you. It was the way of things, and you didn’t want it, you didn’t want them, any other way. But today, oh... something bad had happened, it had thrown you for such a loop that you could no longer tell what way was up and what way was down, and you were steaming; pissed off, irritated, and emotionally shutting off. The chores would be done, but you wouldn’t be focusing on them. Food would be made, but it would be a heartless chore with little thought beyond making sure you didn’t poison anyone and that it tasted good. Your hobbies would be left unattended in favour of helping Bo in the garage, in favour of helping Vincent with anything he needed, in favour of riding with Lester for a bit to keep him company. You sighed, pissed off that you didn’t have a choice. You just wanted to hole up in your bedroom and lay there, left to rot as you stared up at the ceiling. But you couldn’t. There were things to do, people to see, and a life to live despite the fact that you were not having a good time of it.

The world could fucking burn for all you cared today.

To begin with, Bo didn’t notice that anything was amiss. How could he, when he was elbows deep in the hood of his truck, swearing under his breath about who knew what? You had done very little of what was on your to-do list for the day; you had made meals for everyone including yourself and made the relevant ‘deliveries’; taking Vincent’s down to him first because he was the closest (he hadn’t let you go until you had promised him that you had your own food, too; his form of affection towards you was a tough kind of love which you knew he used on Bo as well, which was partly why you adored it so much), then Lester’s, and then you had taken yours and Bo’s down to the garage so that you could have a lunch date together. You had packed a clean towel with soap and a flask of hot water because you knew Bo wasn’t going to wash his hands. It never failed to turn your stomach when he ate with dirty hands, grease stains left behind on the bread he had yet to eat. His constitution was one of iron and you almost envied how strong his immune system must have been after a lifetime of exposure to various things which would make the average person sick. Almost. The only other thing you had really done this day was to clean up the kitchen after you had made the food and delivered Vincent’s and Lester’s. Everything else hadn’t even been thought about. You wanted, more than anything, to not do a damned thing.

It was only when you made more noise than was strictly necessary when delivering his lunch that Bo straightened up, looking at you with an expression you couldn’t quite place. His baseball cap physically shielded his eyes from you but you could sense his gaze and your mind’s eye supplied the look you knew you would be seeing if he wasn’t wearing his hat. “Lunch.” Your tone was flat, and Bo’s entire stance changed. He stiffened, and you began to see the side of Bo you only saw when there were tourists in town. Quickly were you walking on thin fucking ice, and, help you, but it thrilled you as much as it made you want to run away. But, you were looking for a fight... if you carried on this way, you would get one, too. One of the things you loved about Bo was that he always gave as good as he got and then some, no matter what it was.

He fixed you with a level gaze and then, “Wanna try that in a different tone, darlin’?” A warning - your first and your only. Bo would never give you an out twice in a row. With Bo, once was more than enough. He always took things and ran with ‘em... his cruel, brutal upbringing and later life had taught him to never question anything, to just take them as they came from one moment to the next. Bo craved that which he had lacked in his life before you, and security was one of them. Seeing you like this had thrown Bo off edge, just as something had clearly done the same to you, and Bo didn’t know what to do when you were like this. Vincent was good at calming people down after a lifetime of living with Bo, but Vincent was presumably holed up in the basement, so asking his twin to do some de-escalation was out of the question. A warning, first, had been suitable... He would have to follow your lead on the rest of it. What could Bo do to help you the way you always helped him? He had to figure it out, quickly, because his sunshine was behind some clouds and he didn’t know how to make it rain, so that the sun would come back out. Wait... As quickly as Bo had lost his footing, he found it again, a predator was he. You wanted a fight? He’d give you one. And then he would bring you back home to him. It was sly, manipulative of him, but an outlet was what you needed, and Bo was great at that. He threw tantrums every fuckin’ day. You were entitled to one too, he figured, especially if something bad had happened. But what?

“No,” You shrugged, settling down to get your own food. “Eat if you want. I brought some hot water, soap and a clean towel for you to wash your hands.” The inflection in your voice on this last three words brought a sneer to Bo’s face but he turned away from you, recognising all the signs in you that he saw in himself every damn day. You were angry and Bo wondered what the fuck had happened to you. He hadn’t seen you much this day, so busy had he been, but now that you were with him, it was clear that something was up. He hadn’t seen you like this often, usually so happy and warm with him that it made his heart ache were you, and he wasn’t quite sure how to handle the situation. If you wanted a fuckin’ fight, though, he’d give you one. Anythin’ for his darlin’, even when they were being rude. Idly, Bo wondered if this was how you felt when he was being an ass, but he shook that thought off. It didn’t fuckin’ matter, anyway. He had already tried pushing you away, but you had stuck to him like glue. Bo loved it as much as he hated it, which created such a passion within him that it left the both of you breathless even during the best of days together.

“Okay,” Bo shrugged you off, acting like he wasn’t getting as pissed off as he was also growing concerned, “I’ll eat wit’ ya’ in a minute. Let me clean myself first. I’m too dirty to have lunch wit’ ya, is that it?“ He grabbed the flask, soap and towel from the counter where you had set them next to his lunch, and the look he gave you told you everything on his mind. When he came back from washing his hands, leaving everything on the sink for you to clean up later, he made his way back to his truck, “Hey, uh, pass me that wrench, would’ya?” and got busy again, fiddling with... whatever he was doing. He looked up at you around the hood, watching you. Analysing you. He was getting mighty pissed off with you, but he was trying to hold his temper down. He knew he had a nasty one... it was turning out that you did, as well. We’re a match made in Hell, momma. Maybe we’ll see you down there some day. I know you ain’t gone up.

You rolled your eyes before you could stop yourself, which made Bo’s jaw tick in irritation. You did as he asked, again, almost slapping the tool into the outstretched palm of his hand before you went back to what you were doing. God, but today you really hated the way you did what he asked of you, even and especially when you didn’t want to. You just loved him so much and it came through in everything. Christ, you were even pissing yourself off. You waited for the thank you that you knew wasn’t going to come - Bo had always said such things with his actions, but today it just fucked you off even more instead of making you smile - so you sarcastically said, “Thanks, Y/N. You’re welcome.” The first two words were spoken in a lower octave, mocking Bo’s own voice. Your poor imitation made you smirk as you found it funny in some sick way, but for all of his careful planning, Bo exploded as his temper flared up in an instant; the wrench hitting the wall farthest from you as he launched the tool. It made a thunderous noise, so much so that you almost wanted to put your hands over your ears. A part of you enjoyed the audible chaos. You wanted more, even as you recognised that Bo, in his rage, would still never hurt you. It calmed you down as much as it pissed you off.

“What is the matter wit’ you?” Bo yelled, finally losing his already short patience with you and this entire fucking ridiculous situation. You were usually so warm and happy, the only real fucking light in Ambrose. Anger was a secondary emotion which usually disguised pain and or fear, and Bo was feeling the latter. Did you want to leave Ambrose, leave him? So when faced with an uncomfortable emotion, Bo, too, lashed out, and you realised even in the haze of irritation and sadness that if this carried on, you and Bo were going to devolve into a screaming match. Good. That was what you wanted. Wasn’t much else to do around Ambrose.

“Fuck if I know. I don’t want to do any of this shit.” You threw the to do list at Bo, as if to make a point that it was too much of a demand on you this day, but even with your sharp aim did the paper only flutter pathetically to the floor. If this had been any other situation, you would have laughed at the absurdity of it all. You were fighting off laughter as it was - a panic response. You’d finally managed to piss Bo off, and in a sick way, that had been what you had wanted. Bo gave as good as he got, and it never failed to send a cold chill of anticipation up your back. You loved riling him up; it was the hottest fucking thing and the most dangerous, but it was too late now.

“So this bullshit attitude of yours is all because ya’ don’t wanna pull ya’ weight ‘round here, that it? S’not like ya’ fuckin’ do that anyway.” Bo’s tone was biting, his baby blues like ice, his tongue cutting into you like a blade. You thought you would have preferred an actual knife... it would have hurt you much less than the venom radiating off of Bo.

You scoffed, “Fuck off, Bo! You know as well as I do that I always do things around the town, helping you out and making sure everyone eats and every fucking other thing. I pull my own weight just fine. That’s not even the fucking issue here, I just - “ You felt stinging behind your eyes and nose, and your hands flew to your face, hiding yourself from Bo and distancing yourself from the situation. You wanted to leave, to let yourself and Bo simmer in the tense situation you had created just by letting yourself lash out (and, oh, how you knew better than that), but more than that, oh, more than that, you wanted to stay. You wanted Bo to see you in your rage and in your upset, and you wanted him to help you. Fuck knew if you knew how to help you. You were beyond yourself and you needed Bo. You needed him. It was this realisation which brought your hands away from your face, catching a look of fondness,slight amusement (he did love a good fight, especially when he was in the thick of it) and concern on Bo’s face which vanished as quickly as you had seen it. It was something he hadn’t meant for you to see. It was almost funny in its own way, how much the two of you danced around each other, even in a committed relationship. All the fight left you in a single moment as you had finally, finally burned yourself out. You didn’t have any more energy to give to your emotions this day. You sighed, and the sound was so weighted in all that was unsaid that it only upset you more, and tears fell hot and fast down your face as you broke right in front of Bo. The one you loved the very most.

"I'm sorry, I - " Your voice was barely audible even with the great acoustics which the garage afforded. You dropped to your knees, everything you were feeling from what had happened to cause this in the first place as well as your lack of sleep from the night before was just too much to take. Your body couldn't hold you up anymore and you sunk to the floor, sobbing without a care for the way you had deliberately wound Bo up just to vent your emotions, for the way you had neglected your duties this day, for the way you had just broken in front of the man who loved you, it was true, but he was not the best one when it came to handling emotions. You cried, your tears hot, fast, heavy as they crashed around you. Oh, but it hurt and as a part of you enjoyed it - the sweet release of emotions - a part of you was only more upset and it created a cycle from which you could not escape by yourself. When you hit the very bottom, the only way to go was up, but what if there was more underneath? Even in your rapidly worsening state, you were wise enough to know that you couldn't handle yourself anymore.

You. Needed. Bo.

He had always been able to do for you things which no one else could.

"I'm sorry, I just - "

Boots slowly, carefully, came into your view, and Bo ducked down so that he could look at you fully. He balanced on the balls of his feet, his cap dangling lightly from a finger on his right hand as he watched you. His blue eyes had melted from the ice you had just seen into a warm pool of blue which only made you cry harder. You watched his eyes widen in surprise, worry, and then Bo cleared his throat, "Ya' gotta breathe, darlin'. Take a deep breath now, you're all right. Ain't gonna' hurt'cha." His left hand reached out for your shoulder but then he hesitated, as if he didn't know if you wanted to be touched or not. He wasn't wary of you but of the situation. Either way, it broke your heart to realise that you had done this. Whatever this was.

"Bo, please." More tears slipped down your cheeks as Bo's hand continued to hover in the air between you, but something in your voice made Bo snap. Somehow, somehow, he managed to grab you and pull you into his lap, sitting with his legs outstretched in front of him with you plopped right in the middle. His arms and legs alike locked around you, the safest cage you had ever been in, and he rocked you back and forth slowly.

"Shush, darlin', you're all right. Bo's got'cha. You're all right." Bo pressed kisses all over the side of your face, his lips trembling and his shoulder shaking with worry, concern, adrenaline, rage. He continued to whisper sweet nothings and feather kisses all over the side of your face which he could reach, doing everything he could to soothe you. He knew not what the matter was, he knew not what had happened to you, but he recognised all the signs of a break in you - he felt them in himself every single day - and he didn't want for you to go through it alone.

At some point, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled yourself into Bo, wanting to sink into him. Today could just get fucked. You had Bo now, and he was all you wanted. "I'm sorry, Bo. I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Bo listened in a solemn silence to your repetitive apologies. He recognised that perhaps you were going to relapse into tears again, and he didn't want to have to deal with that. Not because he didn't love you, because he did, but because you had only just begun to calm down and he didn't want to tip you over the edge again. Especially if you were the one throwing yourself over. "Hey, hey. No more tears, darlin'. No more. Y're all right." Arms tightened around you, lips pursed against the curve of your cheek. "Now, you wanna tell me sumthin'?"

The literal floodgates had opened, and so too did the verbal ones as you told Bo everything. Everything that had happened to upset you so, everything you had been feeling, everything you had been thinking... You told Bo everything. His trembling grew as did his rage, but he took slow, measured breaths, doing his best to hold his temper in place as he listened to you. If it killed him, Bo would solve your problems. If it was something to actively work on, he would support you. If it was a person, he would enlist his brothers' help to lure them to Ambrose so he could kill 'em and chuck 'em in the roadkill pit; they didn't deserve to be immortalised because they had done this to you. His brothers would both agree. Whatever it was, Bo would do whatever it took to help you, consequences be damned.

"Shit, darlin'," Bo sounded breathless when you were finished, and you burrowed into him, wanting to disappear from the world and into Bo. He would protect you, keep you safe and secure. It was all you wanted. "I wondered why ya' started actin' all crazy like that. Figured you wanted a fight for the helluv'it, but - " Bo shook his head. He'd never been good at words. That was more Vincent's forte, which was ironic given how he was mute.

"I'm sorry, I - "

Bo's arms flexed around you and he shook his head again, one hand moving so that he could cup one of your cheeks. "No more o'that, Y/N. It's done, forgotten. Don't matter no more. I ain't mad. I was," Bo chuckled wryly, "I was pissed as all hell, but I can't be knowin' what I know now." His other hand came up so that the calloused pads of his thumbs could wipe all of your tears away, and he pressed a tender, lingering kiss to your forehead to signify that he was there, that he loved you, that you would be okay.

Bo would make sure of it.

#bo sinclair #bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair imagine #bo sinclair comfort #house of wax #house of wax imagine #house of wax x reader #slashers #slasher fic #slasher x reader #slasher community

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chilly-me-softly · 3 years

Text

Fake Proposal • John Stones

I saw a video on instagram and got the idea but as usual I got carried away, writing like a 4k long piece so read it at your own risk.

"Ugh" John sighs letting himself down on the couch resting his head on your lap, one of your hands immediately going into his hair as you smile.

"Your mother again?"

"My mum again" he sighs before hiding his face in his hands and holding back a moan in his throat, "She's been breathing down my neck with the whole marriage thing. Please help me"

"How? It's not like you can pretend to have a girlfriend and propose" you state slightly but his eyes snap open staring at you.

"No" you thunder, "No John. Get that look off your face. No" you shake your head covering his eyes as he squirms managing to lock your hands between his.

"Please, please (Y/N) help me" he pleads and you're the one who has to try not to meet his gaze so you don't give in to that madness.

"They'd never believe us John, everyone knows we're friends"

"That's exactly why it might work (Y/N)!" he sits up abruptly, "if I do it with a random person it would be suspicious" his gaze is lost somewhere, his eyes move as if he's picturing everything and you can almost see the wheels of his brain in motion.

"And then how are you going to do that? Your mother wants a wedding, she won't be satisfied"

"I'll buy some time, she'll be less on my back at least for a while and then I'll think about it" he looks at you expectantly, he seems really determined even though he would never have thought such a thing until just now.

"Please (Y/N). I don't like fooling my mother like this either but if I hear again how I'm getting older and need to start a family I swear I won't answer for me anymore"

"Fine" you sigh closing your eyes, missing his surprised expression and then his big smile before he literally throws himself at you.

"John! John John John" you giggle trying to get him off you, "don't get into something bigger than you"

"I won't, don't worry"

Don't worry. Sure. He makes it easy.

John seemed to take it all lightly, just happy to get his mother and her demands off his back for a while. He'd booked a cabin in the mountains for a couple of days ready to spring into action as soon as possible, counting down the days just like kids waiting for Christmas Day to open their presents.

You must have been crazy to have agreed to help him with something like this, you kept repeating it by packing your suitcase or letting people know you wouldn't be home or waiting for him to pick you up. And then you had decided that if nothing you would enjoy that couple of days' holiday at his expense.

You look around to see if you've got everything before you leave, when John honks. He gets out of the car to help you put your bag in the boot as you close the front door, but it's only when you're both getting into the car and you've fastened your seatbelt that he leans in to leave a kiss on your cheek.

"What's all this sweetness Stonesy, are you afraid I'm going to say no?!" you tease him as he starts the car, shaking his head.

You take over the radio, spending the ride humming songs and complaining about not finding the right one and asking John if you're there.

"(Y/N) I swear, you're a pain in the ass" he sighs before turning right heading into a driveway.

"If you had told me where we were going I would have checked it out myself" you retort looking around as a few houses finally start to appear under your gaze.

"You really need to learn how to chill out" he sighs, "And anyway, we're here"

"I'm totally calm" you state getting out of the car slamming the door on purpose earning you a warning look. Men and their cars.

And you leave him to pick up the bags you brought while your eyes don't know what to look at first. The swing next to the door strikes you immediately, you've always wanted one but never had the space so you immediately rush onto it climbing the stairs waiting for your friend with a huge smile on your face.

"Come on in, let’s go pick out your room"

"I get to choose?" you ask rhetorically following him, being captivated at first glance by what's in front of you. The place is similar to all the ones you see in typical Christmas movies, wood seems to be the main material of the whole construction and the fire in the fireplace is already lit giving the room a pleasant warmth.

"Sure. But only if you're quick" one look and you're already running down the stairs trying to pull him by the shirt and not fall at the same time.

"Mine!" you flop down on the bed panting deciding to go straight for the farthest room in the dark, "go get my suitcase now"

"We're not engaged yet, you can't boss me around like that" he argues leaning against the doorframe sneering but you dismiss him with a wave of your hand.

"What if the other room is nicer?" he asks returning and placing your bag at the foot of the bed, you don't hint at moving from your comfortable spot.

"I like this one" you murmur clutching a pillow to your chest.

"Yeah but what if the other one's prettier?!" his tone blatantly mocking as you roll your eyes giving in to curiosity, complaining loudly as you get up and make your way to the other room.

You open the door thinking you're going to find who knows what, but you find that it's a copy of the room you just left. And his bags are already there so he knew that, that bastard.

"But they're identical" you murmur confused, looking around for a sign of diversity but not finding it. "John! They're the same!" you complain turning to him and hitting him with an open palm on the arm receiving only laughter from him.

"Stop teasing me"

"Sorry sorry. I couldn't help myself"

"Keep laughing, I'll have fun later John Stones" you try to scare him but the smile on his face that doesn't hint at disappearing tells you that you failed in your intent, making you roll your eyes.

The first of the two nights you spend there goes by without a problem, well at least after you get familiar with the place and calm your brain because not all the noises you heard were due to thieves. And the next morning you and John have breakfast still sleepy before he proposes you to take a tour around there, the day before you had gone to the city to fill the fridge and you had stayed there and it didn't seem right to spend days away from the city without really spending days away from the city.

After getting ready, you take a path not far from the house and following the various signs along the way, you find yourself in a place that is stunning to say the least. You find yourself on a bridge built over a river, on one side of which there is a small waterfall, creating a unique and relaxing atmosphere.

"You don't want to do this now do you?"

"Ssh you have to look natural" he leaves a light kiss on your cheek before throwing a sideways glance and you call on all your strength not to follow his gaze, pretty sure you'd run into some guy intent on filming the moment.

"Now I'm going to pretend to tell you something cheesy so pretend to get emotional" he starts gesturing and you can't hold back the giggle that escapes your lips as he drops to his knees.

"(Y/N)" he gives you a knowing look and you cover your mouth with your hand trying to hide that smile, from a distance it will look like you're really excited instead.

"Okay so... I need to spend some time like this. It's uncomfortable and um blah blah blah will you marry me?" John starts ranting taking a small box from his jacket pocket.

"You didn't really buy a ring" you mutter shocked when he opens the small box, the surprise completely true at that moment at seeing that item.

"Are you going to hurry up and say yes? My knee is crying out for mercy" he presses you gritting his teeth as you then quickly nod and he gets back to his feet holding you close to him.

"You could have at least prepared a speech" you murmur in his ear tugging at his hair slightly as he laughs, pulling away to put the ring on your finger. His hands actually shaking as he does so and then he draws you to him unexpectedly, connecting your lips with his.

"I knew I'd find you here" you smile turning your head towards John, him handing you a cup of hot chocolate sitting next to you on the swing while you adjust the large blanket over your shoulders even around his as you can.

"What does your mum say?" you sigh blowing on that steaming drink looking ahead of you.

"See for yourself" he unlocks his phone quickly opening the conversation with his mother.

'Mum I did it' he had texted sending a picture of him kneeling in front of you and you hugging then.

'Johnny! Omg yes!!!!' 'Wait... is that (Y/N)?' 'I knew it' is mum's frantic reply making you giggle as he pulls back his phone not letting you see anything else.

"I'm glad she likes me" you giggle taking a sip of chocolate.

"She's always liked you" he retorts and silence falls between you two for a moment before he sighs.

"(Y/N) if you're upset about that kiss, I'm sorry"

"It's alright John, it was an act" you reach out to set the mug down, "after all which proposal is believable without a kiss" you joke elbowing him in the side as he sighs passing his arm around your shoulders pulling you to him. Both of you not so sure about it.

"I believe this is yours" you murmur taking off the ring and handing it to him, for some reason you didn't manage to give it back to him either the night before or over the course of that day and now that he's about to leave after driving you home it's your chance. It's now or never. But he is quick to shake his head and tighten that object in your hand. "No, keep it... in case my mother comes to visit"

"Don't" you point your finger at him making the most threatening face you have triggering his laughter. "I can't keep my mother at bay"

"John"

"(Y/N) listen, it's just a scenario. It's not going to happen"

"You can't be sure of that"

And in fact a few days later, when you had finally decided to go out grocery shopping, you opened the door and found the woman in front of you. The surprise had been such that you stood open-mouthed in front of her for a few moments before you shook yourself and made her come in.

"Were you going out dear?" she asks you going to sit on the sofa casually as if she was coming to your house every day.

"Just a bit of groceries, I can go later" you had dismissed it removing your jacket and sending a panicked message quickly 'I'm going to kill you!!!'

"Good" the woman looks around before congratulating you on the house, to which you reply embarrassed.

"Oh don't be embarrassed (Y/N), we're going to be a family soon after all" she states and you clear your throat, "Can I get you anything, some water or tea...?"

"A glass of cold water thank you" you apologise then and quickly go to the kitchen opening the fridge and hiding behind it you take the phone back into your hand.

'John Stones!!!' 'Your mother is here!' 'I'm going to kill you'

John doesn't even view the texts and you can't stand there forever waiting so you grab the water jug and take it to the woman.

"I don't want to take up so much of your time, you might be wondering why I'm here" the woman smiles after taking a sip.

"Um I can guess" you hide your nervousness around your glass, struggling however to down a sip of water.

"I assure you I'm not always this nosy" yeah right, "but with John I worry maybe a little too much" you smile at the woman's bluntness, taking time to observe her better you can see how much she actually looks like John.

"I never know how to handle him, he's always been so secretive about everything and I've always tried to push him because I want what's best for him" you don't know if you read right into it but it sounds as if the woman is trying to apologise for something. And you open your mouth to say something but she beats you to it.

"You've been friends for a long time, I should have seen it coming" you gasp with a suddenly blank mind, internally screaming at yourself to get yourself back into sense so you don't look even more hopeless. But apparently the woman is more focused on something else and doesn't notice your obvious discomfort.

You follow her gaze, caught by a photo of you and John from a few years earlier. You're not fond of pictures of yourself around the house, where everyone can have access to your memories, but John had given you the frame begging you to put it there, so you had pleased him.

"Can I just ask how long you've been together?"

"I don't know" you answer without thinking before widening your eyes trying to make up for it, "I mean... there was no specific date. It just happened I guess"

"I really should have seen it coming" for a moment it's as if she's lost in thought, shaking her head in disbelief, "there isn't a day we don't end up talking about you and he's always so fidgety when it comes to you"

"Really?" you ask surprised straightening up with your back as your phone vibrates but you don't feel the need to pick it up.

"Yeah, and he always has a smile on his face when it comes to you"

"John smiles all the time, I don't think that can be considered a one-off"

"Yeah but there's ways and means of smiling. It reaches his eyes"

"What happened? I was at practice I just saw the texts. I'm so sorry (Y/N), I'm going to have a good talk with her" John speaks sharply as soon as you pick up the phone and you have to raise your voice a little to make yourself heard and shut him up.

"It's okay John" you state around a spoonful of ice cream, the container in front of you.

"I'm sorry (Y/N) I swear, that woman crossed every line" he mutters and you can imagine his serious expression, his eyes a little darker than usual and half-closed, his nostrils flared.

"John no" you stick your spoon into the ice cream sighing, "don't do anything hasty, just calm down. Where are you? Are you driving now?"

From the other end of the phone only silence comes before you hear a sigh, "I'm on the road"

"Come to my place okay?"

The drive hadn't been that long to your house so you can still sense the annoyance in his figure and his gaze as he walks in and heads into the kitchen immediately eyeing the box on the counter.

"Why are you so annoyed?! Where's the carefree Stonesy from the last few days?" he looks around before stealing the spoon from your hands and taking some of that ice cream after sitting down on the counter.

"And why aren't you in full hysterics?" he retorts taking another spoonful of ice cream as you roll your eyes.

"I was at first, I wanted to kill you if you remember, but then we talked" you walk over to him taking the bowl out of his hands as he groans trying to take it back.

"If you're hungry I can make you something"

"That is fine"

"I don't think it's good for you" you put the lid on before setting the box down in the freezer before turning to him again, seeing him with his arms crossed giving you a dirty look. You do the same raising an eyebrow, you've become an expert at holding up his game over the years.

"What did she say to you?" he gives up shortly after relaxing his figure by swinging his legs, "she didn't treat you badly did she? She can be a bit-"

"Nosy? I noticed that" you shake your head opening the fridge just to do something as he pushes on. "Well?"

"Hmm? Nothing, I guess deep down she came to apologise because she didn't know we were together and apparently she's been pushing you into a lot of random girls' arms lately and stuff" you gesture shrugging and closing the door, giving him just a sidelong glance.

"Are you sure? There's nothing more?" John checks wary, it's your apparent calm and the bowl of ice cream you were practically devouring that put him on his toes. He'd practically been able to feel your panic through those texts you'd sent him and then he sees you and you seem to be a different person.

"You know me John, if there had been anything else or she had disrespected me in any way I certainly wouldn't have kept it to myself" you try to sound as calm as possible but your playing with that ring, taking it off and putting it back on, gives you away.

"Come on say it" he sighs, lowering his gaze to his shoes for a moment as you raise an eyebrow. "What?"

"Just say it"

"John I don't know what you're talking about"

"I told you. Just say it" and he looks like he's ready to be hit just as if you were going to do it with a punch or something. But you just sigh as you move closer to him, his ankles linking lightly to your legs seeking contact.

"How long are you going to keep this up? Because I'm with you, I'm in now and I'm going to keep playing along. But your mother is just that, an eccentric mother only concerned about her son"

"So if we actually get married..." he leans his head slightly to the side smiling innocently as you smack him on the forehead rolling your eyes.

"Did you hit your head lately? Did you even hear what I said?"

"You said you would like to be with me"

"I said your mother is a good person, and she doesn't deserve this" you retort without giving your brain time to process what he's telling you.

"But if you really think about it, it would be perfect. I'd solve all my problems by not turning out as a liar and you'd have me"

"Did you just imply that I can't get a boyfriend in a normal way? I hope not"

"Sorry, I didn't mean that" he chuckles at your threatening expression pulling you to him and leaving a kiss in your hair.

His gaze is lost somewhere, he's so easily distracted you almost read surprise in his eyes when he lowers his head and realises you're still there. "John, what's going on with you mh?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm starting to really think about what my mom says. And that she's right. When football ends, what will I have left? What's wrong with me? Why couldn't I find anyone?"

"Hey no John listen to me carefully now. At thirty you may be considered old in your profession but I can assure you that for the rest of us life begins at that age" you take his face in your hands gently stroking his cheeks with your thumbs making sure he sees and hears you above all, "you will have all the time in the world to find someone if you want to, to start a family and come to terms with the fact that you are getting older and your hair is getting white"

"Never" he quickly retorts, making you giggle, "I'll never have white hair"

"We'll see... if you can keep those curls, you'll be trouble even when you're old"

"Oh wow so you think I'll make it to eighty still on my own?!" he jokes strengthening his grip on your legs and moving forward slightly.

"Eighty? You have very high expectations for your life" you downplay by moving your arms along his neck.

"Aah what would I do without you" he sighs happily holding you close to him again, "Promise you'll always be by my side?"

At your non-response, his grip becomes more pronounced literally crushing your face into his chest. "Promise me"

"I promise. I promise" you giggle making his chest vibrate with your laughter as well. Quite often you're the one with the identity crisis and John has to play the therapist, calming you down and reminding you to get your feet down on the ground. But often the roles are reversed and you're the one putting the boy's pieces back together, happy that all those years of friendship have created a relationship where he's not afraid to be fragile and let himself be fixed.

"You'll always have me" you remember him in his arms, and when you pull away to let him know with your gaze too, he's already there looking at you. You see his face move closer to yours and instinctively you step back.

"Please I need to know"

"Know what?" his tone is almost a plea while there is confusion and nervousness in yours.

"If what I'm feeling inside is true" he knows you well by now and he can catch your eyes widening in surprise for a split second, a reaction that to unfamiliar eyes might not have happened.

"Can I kiss you?" you nod but you're already closing your eyes waiting for his lips to touch yours again.

"What are you doing?!" you ask giggling to yours and John's brother upon seeing the two of them exchanging some money.

"He bet fifty bucks your engagement was fake. And he lost" your brother is obviously very happy to have earned something in that whole thing, your brother-in-law is not so happy though.

"You bet on us?!" John asks incredulously at your side, an arm around your waist.

"Is that so unbelievable?" you hide your smile in the glass in your hand.

"You don't know John if you ask a question like that"

"Eh I can assure you I know him quite well" you two exchange a look of understanding as your brothers pretend to vomit. And you leave them arguing about the validity of that bet, turning away from everyone to have a moment alone in the garden of that facility that hosts you.

"Are we ever going to tell them the truth?"

"Who, to those two? Nah my brother deserves it"

"But mine doesn't" you quickly retort making John chuckle, "I'm sure we can find a way to take them off him"

"How?" you ask interested as he leaves a kiss on one cheek before moving closer to your ear, "We can steeal them"

"John Stones! You're such a bad influence on me... Let's do this" you rise up on your toes to search for his lips. "Anyway, your family is so damn crazy, nothing surprises me anymore"

"You're not completely normal either admit it"

"Hmm maybe you're right. I must have been pretty crazy that day to going along with you"

"Just that day?" he teases earning himself a hit on the arm before he draws you back to him to kiss you.

"I can't believe we actually got married" he sighs connecting your foreheads gently.

"Who knew my happy ending was always right in front of me"

"Sometimes I think if it wasn't for my mom we'd still be wandering around looking for someone"

"You mean your mother would still be introducing you to some girl"

"Are you jealous?" John smiles cheeky as you do the same. "Oh you know there's this little thing called a divorce"

"Oh no. No no no no, not now so many things seem to make sense. Don't even think about it" he shakes his head energetically tightening his grip on your waist as you laugh, running your ringed hand through his hair.

"I love you John Stones"

"I love you (Y/N) Stones"

#my writing #john stones #john stones imagine #john stones imagines #original #john stones one shot #football imagine #football imagines

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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

Text

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 7

Y/n meets her savior and officially joins the investigation.

@deadman-inc-bikeshop @viviace and @dovahdokren here you go. If you want to be on the tag list, send me a DM.

Trigger warnings: dissociation, implied sex abuse/trafficking, discussions of death, drugs

It was only when the man left your line of sight that your senses started to return. And even then, you felt like you were on a separate plane of existence from everything happening around you. You were floating, completely numb to your surroundings, letting the world push you wherever it needed you to be.

You weren't entirely sure how you made it from the dumpsters to the FBI headquarters, but there you were.

You listened in on the conversation happening in the other room. From what you could tell, the man who saved you was arguing with his boss.

"Because if there's so much as a Tylenol in her system, you're going to pass it off to the DEA." The man said, his voice soft but firm. This wasn't the first time they had this argument and it showed.

"Will, it is not my fault that the DEA gets preferential treatment." The boss sounded exhausted. "We have a better chance of catching this man with their resources. And we can't turn a blind eye to how substances affect human behavior. I thought you of all people would accept this."

"What if there's nothing in her system?" The man posited. "Then all we have to work with is our own resources. Would that be so bad?"

"Look," the boss said, clearly trying to diffuse the situation. "We can't determine anything until forensics gets lab results back tomorrow. For now, see what you can find out from the waitress. She was able to keep her talking, maybe we can find out about what."

The man resignedly left the room and made his way to you. You glanced around the hallway, hoping he wouldn't notice that you've been eavesdropping.

He sat on the opposite end of the bench. You pulled the security blanket from the ambulance tighter around your shoulders.

"I know this is such a stupid, insensitive thing to ask," the man broke the silence. "But are you okay?"

"If it makes you feel any better," you sighed and dropped your shoulders. "I wasn't really okay to begin with."

"Yeah." The man agreed. "It doesn't matter how much you break something, it's still broken. Broken is a... Boolean value."

"It's just that.." You clutched the receipt between your fingers. "Just as I thought things were starting to improve, the universe sends me a cultist strapped to a bomb. I'm never going to recover from this."

"I don't think anyone expects you to." He said. "My name's Will, by the way."

"[F/N]." You said, just for formality's sake. He already knew your name. "I don't think I ever properly thanked you for saving my life."

"Don't worry about it." Will smiled weakly. "If you think you can, though, it would be innumerably helpful if you told us what happened."

You knew you weren't in a position to be asking for favors, but you were desperate. "Could I maybe stay with you for a while?"

Will hovered his hand over yours as if asking for permission. You took it, perhaps a little too eagerly.

"I'll stay with you as long as you want."

Will's presence made it easier to tell the man, whom you learned was the head of the Behavioral Science Unit of the FBI, everything that progressed that night.

"And then she started chanting that one bible verse about the martyrs inheriting the kingdom of heaven." You finished. "That was when Will shot her in the leg."

The director, whose name you learned was Jack Crawford, took a moment to ponder the information. You felt like a child that had been sent to the principal's office.

"Do you have any reason to believe that the woman was under the influence of any drugs? Alcohol?" Jack asked, resting his hands on the desk.

"Not with any certainty, no. I didn't see her ingest anything." You shook your head. "If she was under any influence at all, it was probably against her will."

"What makes you say that?" Jack cocked his head. "In your own time, of course."

"She was..." you glanced at Will, just to remind yourself that he was there. "Scared. Nothing she said had any conviction behind it. It was like she was a hostage being forced to read a fake suicide letter."

"What about these 'cult names' you mentioned?" Jack said. "What significance do you think they have?"

"She kept referring to Chase as 'vanguard'." You began.

"That's what Keith Raniere called himself." Jack interrupted. "Keith Raniere was the head of a sex trafficking cult."

"And the only reason I know that is because I listen to a lot of podcasts." You felt the need to explain. "I'm not sure how Mulvaney decided it would be a fitting title. Maybe he identified with Raniere."

"Did the woman call herself something, too?" Jack leaned in.

"Funny you should mention that," You forced a laugh. "Because she referred to herself as an 'unwoman'."

"That is interesting." Jack brought his hand to his temple, perhaps trying to convince you that he knew what ‘unwoman’ meant.

"He probably thinks Handmaid's Tale is some kind of instruction manual." You said, emphasizing the title of the work.

“Handmaid’s Tale!” Jack exclaimed, suddenly understanding. "So, are you thinking maybe he's running a breeding cult?"

“Like a borrasca.” You turned to Will, hoping that maybe he would understand what that meant.

As if on cue, a woman in a lab coat burst into the room.

“Dr. Katz,” Jack announced, taken aback by her urgency. “Welcome.”

“Jack, you’re going to want to see this.” Dr. Katz said simply.

Jack stood up from his seat. “Excuse me, Ms. [L/N], Will. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Again, you were alone with Will.

“I’m...” Will broke the silence, pausing to find the right words. “Jack isn’t as scary as he looks. He just has a habit of asking too much of people. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but you’re perfectly within your rights to tell him to back off.”

You shook your head. “That wouldn’t feel right.”

“Tell me about it.” Will muttered and leaned back in his chair. “It does seem pretty out of character for him to want to drop the whole case on the DEA, but he does have a point about their resources. You can’t argue with money.”

“No.” You agreed. “You can’t.”

Will sighed. “I’m sorry. The last thing you probably want to hear about is FBI in-fighting after almost being killed twice in a two-week period.”

“It doesn’t really inspire confidence, no.” You said.

“Let’s talk about something else.” He offered. “Do you like... fishing?”

You laughed at his strange attempt at making conversation, but answered honestly. “I used to go fishing with my grandpa when I was a kid.”

Realizing he’d tapped into a happy memory, Will decided to follow it. “Where did he take you?”

“My grandparents had this lake house up in Michigan.” You reminisced. “On this dinky little manmade lake where all the rich boomers took their spoiled grandkids for the summer.”

“Did you ever catch anything?” He shared a little smile.

You realized that he was doing the same thing to you that you did to the unwoman. He was trying to keep you talking to avoid, or at least prolong, some catastrophic event. But he was doing it for your sake. You appreciated that.

“We pulled up a ton of bluegills, some walleyes, occasionally a bass.” You listed. “One time he and his brother-in-law settled a dispute by seeing who could catch a catfish first. They were outside all day.”

“Did he ever take you downstate to go fishing on Lake Erie?”

You stared vacantly ahead. “He wanted to.”

Will lowered his head in respect. “I’m so sorry.”

“It was, like, fourteen years ago.” You admitted. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Still,” Will shrugged. “Grief takes a lot out of you. I’m sorry for bringing it up, I had no idea.”

“At this point, most avenues in my life end in death. It’s not your fault.” You smiled at him. “Thanks for trying, though.”

You settled into another prolonged but comfortable silence.

“I think Jack is going to arrange to get you into some kind of protective custody, by the way.” He said, shifting his body to face you. “And I don’t think he’s going to give you a choice now that he knows Chase is targeting you, specifically.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that.” You answered. “I think they’re probably going to insist I quit my job, too.”

“You sound disappointed.” Will nodded. “You’ve grown to like that job, huh?”

“I was good at it.” You admitted. “My boss was gunning for me to take over when he retired. I had big plans for that place. I know waitressing is supposed to be a job that’s ‘just a job’ but--”

“You had ambition.” Will finished. “You were making an investment for your future.”

For the first time in a while, you felt heard. “Right.”

“If you would permit me to say,” Will stood up and walked towards Jack’s desk. “I think you would be an invaluable asset to this investigation.”

You leaned on the armrest. “I don’t know, Will. I feel like I would just get in the way.”

“But the sooner we catch this sick fuck, the sooner you can get back to your restaurant.” He said, grabbing a post-it note. He gestured to you with a pen. “And I will do everything in my power to get you back to that restaurant.”

“Why?” You asked. “I’m just a waitress.”

“Your profile of Chase Mulvaney in your TattleCrime interview was a work of genius.” Will took off his glasses. “And it was incendiary enough to make him come back for you. It wasn’t just a cocaine-fueled bout of murderous hysterics. He remembered you. Now, throughout this investigation, Jack has been ignoring me. But maybe he’ll listen to you.”

“And if he doesn’t?” You raised an eyebrow. “What then?”

Will sighed and leaned back on the desk. “Then I do it myself.”

“Fuck it.” You said, the complete contents of your soul behind those two little words. If he was going to raise the stakes, by god you were going to match him. “I don’t have much else to live for, so might as well die for something.”

“That’s the spirit.” Will agreed.

#hannigram x reader #hannibal x reader #hannibal lecter #hannibal x you #hannibal x you x will #hannibal x reader x will #will graham x you #tw death #tw dissociation #tw trauma #tw sex trafficking #will graham x reader #hannibal nbc

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lovely-angst · 3 years

Note

I’ve been kind of going through it a bit at home. Maybe a scenario where almost everyday fem y/n parents are fighting everyday because the dad is always coming home late from drinking and that’s when the argument starts and they put the blame on you for them arguing and Katsuki comforts you the whole night and just takes you out? Idk I just need a comfort scenario rn I hope you don’t mind doing this !! You don’t have to do it if it causes a trigger ofc <3

a/n: I’m sorry I couldn’t get to this sooner! I know it is hard, just know you’re not alone! i also changed request a bit, hope it still helps! <3

tw: broken family, arguing

genre: fluff and angst

pairing: bakugou x reader

summary: bakugou takes you to his house after a long night of your parents arguing and you get a glimpse of what a loving family looks like

word count: 1.6k

02.20.2021

Nights like these, you’ve learned to tune them out. It sounds like a ringing in your ear as you watch your parents gesture around angrily at each other as you sat on the couch, thinking of ways you could escape to your room.

It was always like this. Your dad would come home drunk and your mom would always get angry at him for it. You didn’t know why they always seemed to rope you into these arguments, but it wasn’t like you could stop them from keeping your name out of their mouths—they never listened to you anyway.

They always blamed you. Using you to throw all of their problems onto, acting as if it would relieve some of their problems. Deep down, you knew it wasn’t because of you, but it didn’t stop you from questioning if they were right.

Somehow, you managed to escape to your room, muffling their voices further as you shut the door. Days like these, you felt alone.

A ding beside you snapped you out of your thoughts before you reached over to grab your phone—it was Bakugou.

‘I’m at the convenience store by your house, did you want something?’

It was like Bakugou was your guardian angel. He always seemed to be there when you needed it the most, especially when you were reaching out silently. Your heart was so full of love for him, he was too good.

‘I’m not feeling great, can we hang out a bit?’ you hated being so negative with Bakugou, but right now, the only thing you wanted was him. And not even 30 seconds later, he replied.

‘I’ll be there in five minutes’ And like he said, five minutes later, he was outside. Slipping in a sweater, you made your way back into the living room, where your parents continued to argue.

“I’m going out,” you say, not bothering to check if they heard—not that it mattered.

Shutting the door behind you, you immediately press yourself against Bakugou’s chest, taking in his presence and his scent. His muscular arms wrap around you gently as you let out a heavy sigh. You never wanted to leave the safe place of his arms.

“Are your parents arguing again?” Bakugou questions and all you could do was nod. “I just needed to get out of there.” He lets out a hum, rubbing your back with his free hand before gently pulling away to reach into his bag. “I thought this would cheer you up.”

Your eyes lock onto the meat bun in his hands before you give him an embarrassed smile, “Why do you always assume food would make me feel better?” you say, taking to meat bun from his hands.

“Cause I know it does, and I know you love that shit,” Bakugou intertwines his large one with yours as the two of you walk down the street in a comfortable silence. “Can I stay the night at your place?”

“Wouldn’t your parents get upset?” he asks, but you shrug. “I’d rather get in trouble staying over at yours than to hear them arguing until the sun rises.”

Bakugou didn’t want to be the cause of trouble headed your way, but you seemed determined to get out. Letting you stay over was the least he could do.

“Do you think your parents would mind?” You ask, glancing up at him for an answer only to feel him squeeze your hand gently, “You know they love having you over.”

“Yeah, but it’s a bit late for me to be coming over and especially on such short notice,” and before you could worry any more, Bakugou leaned over to press a kiss onto your lips before facing forward once more.

“Just let it happen. You’re not a bother to us, I mean it.”

It didn’t take long before the two of you arrived at the Bakugou household. You’ve always enjoyed being around his family, even if he and his mom bickered. It was out of love and not pure hatred.

“I’m back and I brought (Name). She’s staying the night,” Bakugou announced from the door as the two of you placed your shoes neatly on the floor before walking into the living room.

“Nice to see you, (Name),” Masaru greeted with a smile from the couch as you gave him a polite bow, “Thank you for having me. I apologize for coming so suddenly.”

“Don’t be! It’s nice to have another lady in the house and we love having you over!” Mitsuki exclaimed as she walked out from the kitchen, coming over to hug you. “It’s refreshing to have you over and Katsuki’s so much calmer when you’re here!”

You give her a smile and a giggle when you hear Bakugou yelling beside you. “I think it’s the other way around. I feel so much more calm and relaxed with Katsuki,” you say, earning an embarrassing pout from him. “I don’t know what I would do without him.”

It was just past midnight and the Bakugou household was now dark and quiet, not a sound to be heard other than the soft mingled breathing of you and Bakugou.

“Close your eyes and go to sleep,” Bakugou mumbles as you stare up at him, eyes wide and very much awake. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel your eyes focused on him.

“I like looking at you,” you confess before Bakugou wrapped his arms around you, pressing you tight against his chest. Each beat of his heart brought you closer to sleep as your eyes slowly drifted shut. Bakugou rubbing your back comfortably to soothe you to sleep.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?” you question and Bakugou furrows his brows in response. “I mean, my parents always blame me for their arguments. Am I doing something wrong?”

“It’s not you who is doing anything wrong,” Bakugou continues, “your parents just don’t want to put the blame on themselves. You know it’s not you.” You nod but couldn’t help the sigh that escaped your lips, “I know, but it doesn’t help to hear it daily.”

“Thanks for bringing me here,” your soft voice tickles his chest gently, your fingers running along his arm. “I wish I could live with you,” you say quietly and Bakugou hums in response, “I know.”

“Maybe someday?”

“Mhm.”

Even in his drowsy state, Bakugou meant it. Smiling, you snuggle deeper in his arms with a content sigh. You wished every night could end like this.

The sounds of dishes rattling in the kitchen stirred you awake from your sleep as you curled into your side, hoping to meet the warm chest of your boyfriend. But, his side of the bed was cold and empty. Opening your still tired eyes, you looked around to be met with a room void of Bakugou.

Throwing your feet over the bed and onto the cold hardwood floor, Bakugou’s voice suddenly came from the doorway. “I was just about to come to wake you up,” he states, earning a pout from you.

“I would’ve liked to have been woken up with you by my side,” you whine but walk over to slump yourself against his body, already feeling the drowsiness once more.

Bakugou’s chest rumbles as he lets out a chuckle. “Hurry up and get ready so we can eat breakfast,” he finishes, kissing you on the forehead before ushering you to the bathroom.

Walking into the bathroom, you stared at your toothbrush that Bakugou had kept for you. “Because you always forget your toothbrush,” he would say, but you knew he always had a spare for you.

Cleaning up your appearance, you walked over towards the dining table where the Bakugou’s were waiting for you happily and warmly like always. “Sit down, we’re so happy that you’re able to join us for breakfast,” Mitsuki says as you take a seat beside Bakugou.

“Would you like some tea?” Masaru offers and you nod, taking the cup politely. “Don’t be shy, dig in (Name).” He says, chopsticks already in his hands.

Glancing down, everything looked delicious. There was a bowl of miso soup beside your small bowl of rice, a plate of salmon that already had your mouth watering and a steaming meat bun beside you.

“Katsuki had told me that you loved meat buns, so we had one heat up for you,” Mitsuki comments as she saw the way you eyed the meat bun. “He tells me a lot about you.”

“Hey! Shut your trap!” Bakugou snarls and Mitsuki shoots back, “Don’t talk to your mother that way! Just say you’re in love with (Name) and go!”

That seemed to shut Bakugou up. His arms crossed with a pout on his lips, but you didn’t miss the blush that adorned his cheeks and ears. His father chuckles before turning towards you, “That boy is wrapped around your finger though, (Name).”

Mitsuki giggles at Bakugou before they continue to banter at each other playfully. Masaru enjoying his breakfast whole heatedly with his family.

It was different, you thought as you watched them. How a family could be so loving towards each other, so full of love.

“This...This is really nice,” you say with a soft smile as your hands wrap around the bowl of miso soup. “I’ve never had a family breakfast like this before,” you confess shyly. “My family is never happy like this, so thank you for showing me what a loving family is supposed to look like.”

Bakugou’s eyes slightly widen at you from your sudden confession and before he could move or do anything, his mom spoke up. “Sweetie, know you’re always welcomed here! You’re already apart of our family!” she says and Masaru gives you an approving nod.

You couldn’t help the widening smile on your lips as you hunch in on yourself shyly, “I can’t thank Katsuki enough for giving me this. For bringing me so much happiness.”

Underneath the table, Bakugou’s hands seek out yours before giving you three firm squeezes as to silently say:

I love you.

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sepublic · 3 years

Text

Marcy’s Condition

I’m scared for Marcy. Seeing her so wounded, I just-

I really am afraid. Afraid that she’s going to need not just emotional and mental therapy, but physical therapy as well… Which, we don’t know how successful Andrias’ procedure is going to be, but still. It really sucks and haunts me how Sasha has that scar on her face, as a permanent reminder of what happened in Amphibia, of Reunion…

But not to compare pain, but Marcy is somehow even worse- Because she might just have that ENTIRE gaping scar on her chest and back, and… Remembering how she almost died, how she THOUGHT she died. The pain, the unimaginable horror and agony at being impaled. The reminder of everything that happened in True Colors, the pain and desperation, the betrayal… I can legit seeing it become an actual, medical trigger for Marcy. Sasha at least managed to cope with the scar on her face, good for her…!

But Marcy… I can easily see this breaking her. And it just leads to her always trying to cover up that scar and not look at it, which, is easy because she can accomplish that with any regular shirt, but still… It’s just the entire concept of bodily autonomy being violated, of being marked like that, and it worsens with the idea of Andrias turning Marcy into a cyborg, and/or his master possessing her. To already have her body so grievously hurt and wounded, to then be operated on like a test subject, to be controlled and puppeted with this entity inside her… It genuinely sickens me.

This girl suffered, and there’s always that permanent, visual reminder of it. At least with Sasha, you can argue how she brought it on herself, as a reminder of how she tried to kill Anne’s surrogate father and why this mistake backfired; It’s a learning experience, although trauma is trauma of course, so that is to be said VERY lightly and carefully. It’s not like Anne MEANT to scar Sasha; But Marcy… Marcy didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to be impaled by someone she trusted, who took advantage of and manipulated her…

She was afraid of confiding her fears in with Anne and Sasha, and she found that in Andrias; And now, she’s likely to be even MORE terrified of opening up because of this! Especially with how Andrias has the AUDACITY to literally gaslight Marcy in her final moments, as she realizes she’s going to die and is dead, by saying “Look what you’ve made me do.” As if he hasn’t emotionally manipulated her enough, to imply Marcy’s violent death is all her fault, and/or that of the friends she loves and didn’t want to lose, was so afraid of being rejected by. Because I guess her soul hadn’t been crushed enough!

Not to mention… Getting impaled like that, having a burning blade through your spine… I’m just really afraid that when this is all over, IF Marcy gets to recover and heal; She might be paralyzed. She might be plagued with physical health issues for the rest of her life, because she’s missing an entire chunk of her spine; And, hopefully Andrias’ procedure can give Marcy’s body a full recovery… Ideal scenario, no scar, even!

But I can’t help but feel like being possessed by Andrias’ master, THAT could leave its own physical toll on Marcy’s poor body, and it just agonizes me to see this girl be violated like that, emotionally and physically. It’s depressing how Marcy briefly treats others more like NPCs in her game than people, because now SHE’s being objectified, losing her agency, in a way that is so much worse and totally undeserved.

Marcy doesn’t deserve to have to live with physical health issues for the rest of her life, for what happened; She’s a kid. She doesn’t deserve to be plagued with echoes of pain and physical trauma that constantly remind her of what happened, even when she’s not directly looking at the visual mark it left behind. And I’m just scared that when this is all over… I can see Marcy being bedridden, being in ACTUAL medical therapy, because I have a hard time imagining her being able to function without that.

What if she becomes physically sick and ill, still feeling the repercussions of her wound or possession or being modified against her will? I don’t want to imagine Marcy looking at prosthetics that Andriasgave her, for the rest of her life. There’s nothing wrong with needing physical aid, or medicine, or therapy to get by in life; But for Marcy, it could serve as a reminder of issues that came as a direct, unfair, result of her time in Amphibia; A loss of carefree health she once had… And she doesn’t deserve to be haunted like that.

I don’t want Marcy to be plagued by health issues, she’s gone through ENOUGH already, having the rest of Marcy’s life be permanently riddled and restrained because of her wound, it just… It genuinely leaves me in anguish. I don’t want to see Marcy in a wheelchair, as a permanent, haunting reminder that is intertwined in every aspect of her life, of what happened… A reminder she literally can’t escape because it’s her own body, and it’ll affect just about every breathing moment for her.

I don’t want to see Marcy struggle to breathe from damaged lungs. Or have her struggle with meds –I know that feeling- or constantly need a device for physical aid, something to be hooked up to often. I don’t want to imagine Marcy sometimes lying in bed at night, placing her hand over her chest, so she can feel her heart beating, to relieve and reassure herself that she’s still alive. Not after feeling her heart stop beating when she was first impaled… She’s so young, she has her whole life ahead of her, or should, and she had that violently ripped away from her, barely got to live with that kind of normal life before it was gone for good. She deserves to just breathe, carefree, and feel the sunlight on her face and enjoy life.

As a disclaimer, I don’t want to patronize people with disabilities or injuries. I don’t want to turn physical conditions into some inescapable tragedy that can’t be moved past, can’t be healed from; There are so many people who have managed to adapt and continue living as always. I’m sorry if I did that… But Marcy’s whole condition could be a brutal reminder of what happened to her, of that horrible thing that wracked not just her heart but her entire body. She shouldn’t have to suffer for that, for the rest of her life…

And I’m terrified for her mental health. Of her suffering from actual PTSD, being triggered by things that remind her of that moment. Of having nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat, heart racing, as she reaches out for Anne or Sasha for comfort. I can’t handle that thought, the idea of a kid in that sort of pain… It’s so unfair and she doesn’t deserve it. I can genuinely, plausibly see Marcy becoming depressed, becoming somber and morose for a long while, before she can finally heal and become happy and excited and curious in things that open way she does; And GOD, I’d be inconsolable if she felt suicidal, because how do you move on from that? Thinking her life wasn’t worth it without Anne or Sasha, that she literally can’t handle it… Combined with the possibility of abuse in more ways than one from her parents, how THEY won’t help, if they’re even allowed near Marcy after all this.

Does Marcy have anyone to even turn to when it all ends? I hope she does. I can only imagine her being constantly terrified of being alone, and needing company just to get by… She really deserves a therapy pet after all this, maybe Joe Sparrow could help. It just… It just sounds like Marcy’s whole life has been wracked with this kind of pain, and I don’t want to her pain get any worse, to see it get physically chronic. Any kind of physical pain could easily traumatize and push Marcy to her limits… And, there’s the possibility of good representation for physical disabilities, but also, I don’t want to patronize anyone, or speak over their voices, so again I apologize if I did.

I guess this just stems from me wanting to see Marcy’s pain be acknowledged and addressed so she can properly heal from it, can be validated and told that it was terrible and should’ve never happened no matter what… But maybe I can find relief in the denial that it didn’thurt her this badly, that Marcy is fine and doesn’t have to deal with that to begin with, because wouldn’t that be better for her? I dunno.

It’s undeniable that Marcy is going to be emotionally crushed after this… But does she have to stay, or become, physicallycrushed as well?

I just…

SOMEONE GET THIS GIRL SOME LOVE AND CARE AND THERAPY ASAP FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE AND LET HER BE WELL AGAIN!!!!!

I just want Marcy to be able to recover and heal… I genuinely hope and wish her emotional spirit will at least be able to move on after this, that she can still find joy and excitable fun, and get to be a kidagain, with her best friends like old times; Only better, because she’s at least grown. God, these girls and their trauma, and the inevitability of how it’ll haunt and hurt them… It leaves me inconsolable.

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #spoilers #amphiba marcy #marcy wu #angst #ptsd #suicide mention

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ljf613 · 3 years

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Zuko’s Memory Bias

I’ve talked about Azula’s potential memory bias towards her mother. In that same thread, I mentioned that Zuko also has memory bias towards his parents. What I didn’t think about until I was writing my recent post on his relationship with Azula is how those same biases may have affected the way he perceives her.

(Warning: This is a very complex topic, and I suggest not reading/engaging if you find it potentially triggering or are unable to deal with it in a nuanced way. I am NOT trying to downplay abuse, nor am I trying to gaslight those who’ve been victimized by it.)

Azula the Liar

In “Zuko Alone,” we get a good sense of what Zuko’s life was like as a child. We see him interacting with his mother, sister, and (briefly) his father. And we get some insight into a line from “The Avatar State.”

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “The Avatar State.” Zuko: “You lied to me! [Cut to Azula, who appears confident.]” Azula: “[Smugly.] Like I've never done that before.”/ End ID]

There are two scenes in “Zuko Alone” where Zuko accuses Azula of lying to him. Look at these lines, and see if you notice a common denominator.

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “Zuko Alone.” Young Azula: “[Sing-songy.] Dad's going to kill you! [Seriously.] Really, he is.” Young Zuko: “Ha-ha, Azula. Nice try.” Young Azula: “Fine, don't believe me. But I heard everything. Grandfather said Dad's punishment should fit his crime. [Imitates Azulon.] ‘You must know the pain of losing a first-born son. By sacrificing your own!’“ Young Zuko: “Liar!” Young Azula: “I'm only telling you for your own good. I know! Maybe you could find a nice Earth Kingdom family to adopt you!” Young Zuko: “Stop it! You're lying! Dad would never do that to me!”/ End ID]

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “Zuko Alone.” Young Zuko: “Where's Mom?” Young Azula: “No one knows. Oh, and last night, Grandpa passed away.” Young Zuko: “Not funny, Azula! You're sick. And I want my knife back, now. [Zuko tries to grab it, but misses as Azula quickly moves out of the way, and loudly grunts.]”/ End ID]

Do you see it yet? Twice Zuko thinks Azula is making some kind of joke, and both times (as far as canon shows us, though I’ve seen headcanons that argue differently) Azula is actually telling the truth.

Azula has no qualms about lying to acheive her goals. We see this multiple times over the course of the series. But if all we had to go by was these two scenes, we might paint a very different picture.

Because there’s another, more subtle thing that both of these scenes have in common: both times, Zuko chooses to believe that Azula is lying, rather than accept that a parent (read: Ozai, because both of these things are really his fault) has failed him.

The Beast

There’s a kind of cognitive bias that often occurs with victims of abuse. Rather than try to explain it, I’ll give an example of a fictional character from a different story who is a very clear example of how and why it happens.

In book one of Trials of Apollo (The Hidden Oracle), we’re introduced to a girl named Meg McCaffrey. Meg is strong, tough, and great in a fight. She explains that it’s all because of her stepfather, who took her in off the streets and trained her. She seems to genuinely care about him, and talks about him affectionately.

But there’s another man in Meg’s life: The Beast. The Beast is a constant presence in her nightmares. He killed her first father, and we soon learn that he’s one of the primary antagonists of the story, and planning on destroying the world.

But eventually, we discover the truth: The Beast and Meg’s stepfather are the same person.

Meg’s stepfather is an abuser, one who’s used a common tool of abusers everywhere-- detatching from the tool he uses to abuse her and anthromorphizing it. “Don’t make me angry,” he says, “or you’ll wake up The Beast, and then whatever happens is on your head.”

And because Meg needs to believe that her stepfather cares about her, she projects all her negative feelings about him towards this figmentary “Beast” and blaming him for all the problems in her life.

Are we noticing the connection to Zuko and his relationship with his father yet?

My Father Loves Me

For the first two and a half seasons (especially in season 1), Zuko is convinced that deep down, his father loves him, cares about him, wants him back home. He has to believe that, because if he doesn’t, then what has been the point of everything he’s done until now?

Which means that tricking him into an Agni Kai and then burning his face must have been justified. It means that capturing the Avatar really will get him back his honor. It means that everything that’s gone wrong in his life is his own fault.

Or, at least, almost everything.

You’re Like My Sister

The first time we ever hear of Azula (other than that shot of her smiling at the Agni Kai in “The Storm”) is when Zuko is talking to (unconcious) Aang after he captures him in “The Siege of the North, Part 2.”

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “The Siege of the North, Part 2.” Zuko: “I finally have you, but I can't get you home because of this blizzard. [Stands up and looks outside the cave.] There's always something. Not that you would understand. You're like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She's a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born. I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am.”/ End ID]

There’s something interesting happening here. This is the first time Zuko’s been able to be totally honest about his feelings around Aang, and what does he do? He starts comparing Aang to, of all people, Azula. He’s projecting. He clearly has all of these negative feelings towards Azula, but he can’t do anything about them. So instead, he’s taking it out on Aang.

Take every single interaction between Aang and Zuko in season one. Now realize that from Zuko’s perspective, he was dealing with his sister.

Taking Aang prisoner on his ship? Azula. Constantly trying to capture Aang, only to be outsmarted by him? Azula. Shooting a blast of fire when Aang extends a potential hand of friendship? Azula.

Because Aang, like Azula, is a perceived obstacle between himself and his father’s love.

Father Says She Was Born Lucky

Ozai didn’t just belittle Zuko-- he pitted his children against each other. He made it clear to Zuko that, even from the moment he was born, he would never, ever be as good at his sister.

And all of this has caused a lot of rage and turmoil inside of Zuko. As self-depricating as he is, he does realize that not everything that’s gone wrong in his life is his fault. But we’ve already established that blaming his father would shatter his worldview.

So who else does he have to blame?

Azula.

Azula, who was born lucky. Azula, who’s just so perfect. Azula, the prodigy. Azula, who everyone adores. Azula, who got everything. Azula, who always lies.

Azula Always Lies

Zuko talks a lot about honor. He talks a lot about capturing the Avatar. But when he’s stressed, when he’s feeling pressured, when he’s thinking about all the ways his life has gone wrong, he uses a different mantra.

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “Zuko Alone.” Young Zuko: “[Chanting in a low voice.] Azula always lies. Azula always lies.” Cut to the older Zuko, lying in green grass, holding his traveler's hat to his chest. Zuko: “Azula always lies.”/ End ID]

Azula always lies.

”Azula always lies” is comforting. It means “father doesn’t really consider me a miserable failure.” It means “he was never really going to kill me.”

Instead of getting angry at all the ways his father has failed him, Zuko can just blame it on Azula’s lies. That way he doesn’t ever have to admit the real problem.

Now, I’m not saying that Azula was a perfect sister, or even a particularly good one. I’m not saying that she never lied, because we know she did. I’m not saying she didn’t hurt him, or trick him, or manipulate him. What I’m saying is that Zuko’s skewed perception has lead him to blame her not only for all the ways she hurt him, but also all the ways Ozai failed him.

“Okay,” you’re saying. “Say I agree with you. Say we assume that all of his negative feelings that really should have been directed at Ozai were instead directed at Azula. But that doesn’t matter now. Zuko eventually did realize that his father was wrong. They had a whole dramatic confrontation where Zuko told him what a horrible father he was and everything! He’s not projecting anymore, and his current feelings towards his sister should only be indicative of her actions and behaviors. Right?”

Wrong.

How Cognitive Bias Works

Cognitive bias is insidious. It doesn’t just affect one memory, it ripples outwards, affecting all of them. And the vast majority of the time, we don’t even notice it happening.

Zuko called Ozai out for two things, and two things only.

[ID: Excerpt from the transcript of the ATLA episode “The Day of Black Sun, Part 2: The Eclipse.” Zuko: “For so long, all I wanted was for you to love me, to accept me. I thought it was my honor I wanted, but really, I was just trying to please you. You, my father, who banished me just for talking out of turn. [Points a broadsword at his father.] My father, who challenged me, a thirteen-year-old boy, to an Agni Kai. [Cuts to shot of Ozai, looking angered.] How could you possibly justify a duel with a child?”/ End ID]

Zuko blames Ozai for his banishment, and for the Agni Kai. That is it.

To be clear, I am not saying that Zuko thinks Ozai was a perfect father before all of this. Not at all. Zuko is aware that Ozai is “the worst father in the history of fathers.”

But it isn’t like he’s gone back and inspected every single memory that involved Ozai and pinpointed all of the ways Ozai abuzed, manipulated, and gaslit him. He can’t. That requires both a level of objectivity he hasn’t reached, as well as a frame of reference for what normal looks like. Any victim of abuse-- especially childhood abuse-- will tell you that even though they know they were abused, they will often have or witness random interactions that will leave them thinking, “wait, this is what normally happens in this kind of situation? You mean [x] was also part of the abuse?”

Not to mention that while Zuko didn’t examine his feelings towards Azula at any point before the finale. He had his epiphany about Ozai, and realized that his father had been wrong, but he’d always thought Azula was wrong.

So while Zuko is aware that he had a bad father, he hasn’t actually stopped to consider how much of his anger towards his sister is actually about his father.

(Again, I’m not blaming Zuko. None of this is his fault, any more than he’s at fault for the Air Nomad Genocide or the war. It’s just the reality of his situation.)

Conclusion

So what am I saying here?

I’m saying that Zuko’s perception of his sister-- his anger, his frustration, his understanding of who she is-- is fundamentally biased. I’m saying Zuko isn’t viewing her from her own merits. I’m saying that Zuko doesn’t actually know her. He thinks he does, but he’s wrong.

I’m adding another thing to the list of reasons why Zuko is not the person to try and help Azula through her trauma.

I’m giving yet another example of how the fandom’s perception of Azula is also biased-- because the vast majority of our understanding of Azula’s character comes from Zuko.

And unlike Zuko, we can detach ourselves from the narrative enough to realize that it might be worthwhile to re-examine our view of her.

#avatar the last airbender #meta #fire sibs #thoughts #zuko and azula #zuko #selective memory #cognitive bias #azula #ozai #zuko and ozai #toxic family #cycle of abuse #toxic siblings #fire nation royal family #abuse #food for thought #all queued up

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thisissirius · 3 years

Text

must i imagine you there [ao3 link] eddie/buck, eddie week day three: competence + “we’re getting out of this.” bombs. hurt/comfort. fear of death. drama :))))

“Buck,” Eddie says, “stop moving.”

It’s a testament to how well they work together that Buck immediately stops. “What?”

Eddie slowly sinks to his knees, studying the device they’ve inadvertently disturbed. “Shit.”

“Eddie.” Buck’s still not moved, and Eddie relaxes a fraction. “What’s going on?”

“It’s a bomb,” Eddie says, because Buck deserves the truth. “Motion sensors. That red light on your chest?”

“The trigger,” Buck says. It’s the lack of inflection that hits Eddie. “You should go.”

Eddie ignores him, reaches for his radio. “Cap, you there?”

There’s a crackle from the other end. “Diaz? You okay?”

Buck shakes his head. Again, Eddie ignores him. “We’re in the basement. Cap, there’s a bomb.”

“You need to move!”

“Uh, not happening, Cap. It’s motion activated and it’s trigger point is right on Buck.”

______

The bomb itself is rudimentary and obviously self-made. Eddie spends the whole time voices crash over the radio in a cacophony of noise analysing it. Buck’s staying still as he can, breathing heavy, and it’s all Eddie can do to focus on the task at hand.

When he spots the timer, his heart sinks.

“Cap,” Eddie says. Then, louder, “Captain Nash!”

The voices stop.

“There’s a timer.” Eddie meets Buck’s eyes. They’re round, scared, and it breaks Eddie’s heart.

Bobby’s voice is shaky when he comes back on the line. “How long, Eddie?”

Eddie closes his eyes. “Not long enough for the bomb squad.”

______

“You have to go.”

“Shut up, Buck,” Eddie says. The radio is next to his knee and he can hear Bobby, Hen, and Chim on the other end arguing with someone else. Eddie knows they won’t get help here in time.

Buck makes a noise and Eddie looks up. Anger wars with terror on Buck’s face. “You have to go.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No. I’m not leaving. I can defuse this.”

Buck looks more terrified than Eddie's ever seen him. "You were a medic!"

"We were walking into IED fields all the time," Eddie explains as he bends down, studying the homemade device. "You think I didn't learn how to defuse a bomb on the off chance I might have to?"

"Eddie," Buck says, and he sounds wrecked.

"Hey," Eddie says, looking up at him. He lets his confidence shine through; he might not have faced this particular bomb before, but he needs to do this or Buck's dead, they're both dead, and they have a kid to get home to. "I'm not gonna let you die, you hear me?"

Buck doesn't say anything.

Eddie stands smoothly, hands up in front of him. Less to protect himself and more so that he shows Buck he's taking this seriously. "I'm getting you out of this, Buck. I promise.”

“It’s not that.” Buck’s eyes drop to the bomb, then back up. He swallows, shakes his head. “You can’t do that in time.”

“I can,” Eddie says. There’s no other option; Eddie isn’t leaving Buck here to die.

Buck sounds angry when he says, “You can’t stay and watch me die!”

I can, is on the tip of Eddie’s tongue, but he doesn’t say. He peels off his gloves and lets out a shaky breath. “Cap?”

“Eddie,” Bobby sounds strong but concerned. “You can’t do this.”

“I have to,” Eddie says, watching the time tick further away from them. “Buck doesn’t have that long.”

Bobby doesn’t want him to do this; the brass probably don’t want him to do this, and the bomb squad definitely won’t, but Eddie’s not about to let his best friend die because of red tape. “Eddie, if this goes wrong—”

Buck dies.

The words ring out and Eddie refuses to acknowledge them.

“It won’t.” Looking up at Buck, he begs him to understand. “We’re getting out of this.”

“Chris,” Buck says, a pleading note to his voice.

Eddie nods. “You think I wanna go home, look him in the eye and tell him I left you alone?”

Buck’s eyes widen, his lips parting and he closes his eyes. “I’m scared.”

“I know,” Eddie says quietly. He shifts closer to the bomb, tries to get a grip on his emotions when his hands shake. He can’t afford anything to go wrong.

“Eddie.” Buck’s voice is quiet. “If you stay—”

Eddie shrugs, peeling back the debris from around the device. It’s not unlike some of the shoddily made IEDs when he was in Afghanistan. At least the ones he remembers taking apart and putting back together a hundred times until he understood them. Blowing out a slow breath, he ignores the timer, the red light hovering over Buck, and concentrates on the device itself.

“Tell me about Mango,” he says, when the silence draws on too much.

Buck huffs a sigh. “You’re trying to distract me.”

“I’m trying to distract us both,” Eddie admits. “I need you to talk, Buck.”

Silence. Then, quietly, “You’ll watch me die.”

It’s not what Eddie wants to talk about and he feels chilled. Swallowing down the urge to snap back, he’s suddenly glad for the kit they brought with them. “Shit.”

“Eddie,” Buck says again, louder. “Please—”

“Buck,” Eddie snaps. “Neither of us is dying, but if I can’t get this bomb to stop, I’m not leaving you to die alone!”

________________

Eddie sheds his jacket.

It’s hot; sweat running down his forehead and he can only imagine how Buck’s doing.

The bomb is complex, but Eddie can do this. The timer won’t let him rest for a second more than he needs to. Buck’s breathing heavy. Bobby and the others have stopped talking.

Silence descends and Eddie takes a deep breath.

“I’m having a niece,” Buck says, breaking the silence.

Eddie sends him a silent thanks, and exposes the wires. “Yeah?”

“Maddie told me last night,” Buck explains. His arms are straining from holding still so long and Eddie wishes he could go faster, but he can’t get this wrong. “I was gonna tell you later.”

“They have a name yet?”

Buck shakes his head carefully. “No. I keep trying to convince them Eva is a great name.”

Eddie laughs, sticks the clippers between his teeth and gets his fingers between the wires. The light is dangerously close to his left hand and he takes a few deep breaths. “Why not Edie?”

There’s a laugh there, Eddie knows, but Buck keeps still. “Fuck you. Not while I’m near death.”

“Sorry,” Eddie says. He cuts one of the wires, biting at his bottom lip.

It takes Buck a little longer to speak; Eddie cuts another wire, thinks he’s narrowed down the one for the timer. He doesn’t wanna cut that one. “I love you.”

Eddie pauses. “Don’t.”

“Please,” Buck says quietly. “I need to—”

“You think I don’t know?” Eddie glances at the timer, then looks up at Buck.

Buck swallows. “Eddie.”

Eddie shakes his head, focuses back on the task at hand and cuts another wire. “Don’t say goodbye,” he says, through gritted teeth. “Please.”

“I love Chris,” Buck says, plowing on as if he can’t hear Eddie loud and clear. Eddie ignores him, tries to pick up a bit of speed because he can’t do this, he can’t. “He’ll be a good cousin.”

Oh.

Fuck no. “Buck.”

“You’ll be a great uncle,” Buck says, his voice wobbling. “Mango’s lucky.” Then, quietly, “I’ve been lucky.”

“Please,” Eddie whispers again, fingers trembling as he narrows down the last couple of wires. The timer’s picked up speed and he can feel worry clawing at his chest. “Buck—”

Buck sobs and Eddie’s heart shatters. “I’m lucky you came to LA. That you listened to Bobby. That you—that you were mine, even for a little—”

“No,” Eddie snaps, isolating the last wire. “You’re not dying and you don’t get to—”

0:10.

“Eddie—”

0:07.

“No, stop—”

0:05.

“Eddie!”

__________

“You can let go,” Bobby says.

Eddie blinks, stares down at the device, then up at Bobby. “Bobby?”

Concerned, Bobby slides a hand down Eddie’s arm, takes the clippers from hands that won’t work. “Eddie, you with me?”

“Buck,” Eddie says, forcing himself to shaky feet.

“Outside,” Bobby says. He meets Eddie’s gaze, holds it. “You checked out.”

Eddie collapses forward and Bobby catches him. Eddie can’t stop the trembling, from gasping out Buck’s name.

“You did it,” Bobby says, holding him. “You did it, Eddie, you can breathe.”

_______

The water washes away almost everything.

The heaviness remains in Eddie’s chest and he can’t stop the racing of his heart.

When he comes out of the showers, he sits on the bench.

Buck’s at the hospital, everyone clamouring to make sure he’s okay. Eddie feels adrift without him, like he’s gonna float away if he doesn’t find something to ground him. He’s talked to Chris; made sure Carla can drop him off when he and Buck make it back home. If Buck wants to go with him. He doesn’t know if—

“Hey.”

Eddie’s head snaps up. Buck’s crouched in front of him, hands on Eddie’s knees.

“You keep checking out on people,” Buck says quietly.

“You’re okay,” Eddie whispers.

Buck nods, then breaks, surging forward and dragging Eddie into a hug. Eddie holds on, buries his face in Buck’s neck. “Eddie, fuck, Eddie.”

Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He holds on, revels in the feel of Buck beneath his hands.

When Buck pulls back, he presses a hand to Eddie’s face. He’s shaking, Eddie realises. That, or Eddie is and they’re just a mess of shaking and heavy breathing. It should be gross, but it just means they’re both alive. “If you ever do that again, I’ll kill you myself.”

“Do you,” Eddie starts, cuts himself off. “You can’t ask me to leave. Ever. You can’t ask me to leave you alone.”

Buck stares, then nods quickly. “Okay. But you, you think I wanted you there? Chris needs us both, okay?”

Eddie nods. “I couldn’t leave you,” he says again. “I can’t do this if you’re not right next to me.”

The kiss is expected. The hand to the back of his head is soft.

The ground beneath his feet is solid.

#buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #fic by me #eddiediazweek2021 #eddieweek2021 #oops #:))))

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dreamywriterinthedark · 3 years

Text

Recess sobs and bedtime resolutions

Pairing: fem!Reader x Spencer

Request: Ok so the reader is a psychologist and is married to spencer and they have a 5 year old daughter who gets in trouble for punching a kid because they picked on her because they didn't beleive her dad was in the fbi If that makes sense any who if you don't write this i get it I just want to see speancers reaction

Trigger warnings: bullying, physical violence. (let me know if i forgot something)

Category: fluff, slight angst.

A/N: thank you so much for this request! I hope you like it. The daughter sounds a bit older than 5, in my head she’s in the early stages of elementary school. Let me know what you think about it! I’d be glad to receive some feedback. (Btw I hurt my own feelings writing this, you can’t even imagine...)

You were in your office, a typical Tuesday afternoon until you heard your office phone ring once more. You held up your finger to make your client pause what they were saying, you picked up the phone only to hang up.

“I apologise for the inconvenience. Now where were we ?” you said trying to get your client comfortable again despite the ringing. As she was about to speak up again, your cellphone rang, Spencer’s name lit up your screen and that’s when you were starting to get concerned.

“I’m so sorry I have to get that.” You said exiting the office to take the call. You were happy to hear your significant other’s voice nonetheless you knew he wouldn’t normally call you during working hours.

“Hi darling, is everything okay ?”

“No, not really. The school called, there’s an emergency.” he responded wrapping his scarf around his neck as he was making his way to the elevator.

“What happened ?” you asked getting more and more worried.

“She punched a classmate in the face. Can you believe it ?!” he pressed the button 0 waving goodbye to his coworkers.

“What ? Our daughter? Jane ? Are you sure it’s not her evil twin ?”

“Eviler twin you mean ? No offense, Y/n, but if she had one, I’m pretty sure you would remember…”

“Alright, I’ll tell my secretary to cancel all my appointments for the day. I’ll meet you there.”

“Love you, bye.”

“Love you too.” You answered before hanging up. You made it a little bit of a rule to yourself to never say ‘goodbye’ to him because you thought that if you did it may increase the chances of you never seeing him again. You knew it was a bit silly but with all those times he was close to death, you’d believe in any superstition if that meant he would get home safe.

After taking care of your client and letting your secretary handle the rest, you hurried out of your office to drive to your daughter’s elementary school.

You pushed the interphone button, once you were allowed entrance you walked to the principal’s office. You softly knocked, when the door opened it showed Spencer sitting in a chair right across the desk, next to it was an empty chair meant for you.

“I’m sorry, I came as I soon as I could.” you apologized.

“Well, I assume you’re Jane’s mother. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Principal Walker.” he greeted shaking your hand. As you sat down, Spencer gave you his best polite white smile.

“Do you know what you’re here for ?” he inquired.

“You said our daughter was involved in a conflict with a student...” you answered.

“Your daughter punched a student in the face.” He said bluntly.

“Right…”

“Are you sure it’s Jane ?” Spencer asked still struggling to believe it.

“Wait until you see her knuckles...”

Spencer put his face in his hands in defeat, you rubbed his shoulder to bring him comfort.

“What happened exactly ?” you asked.

“Well, it was during the 10AM break. Jane went out to play with her classmates when a boy started arguing with her. Next thing we hear is a scream, the boy is on the floor crying.”

You and Spencer both looked at each other with an immense look of stupor.

“The boy, did he bully her ?” Spencer asked trying to find some innocence in the sweet child of his.

“Not that we know of.” answered the principal.

“Is he okay though ?” you questioned.

“Yes, just a minor injury. He went back home.”

You nodded, “So what happens next ?”

“We are giving her a warning but the next time something like this happens there will be harsher consequences than a simple punishment. Understood ?”

“Yes. we understand. Thank you for your time, sir.” you said as you rose up from your chair. Spencer and you both exited the room finding your daughter in the waiting lounge looking guilty as ever. You saw Spencer’s face look puzzled and hostile. To torture your daughter with even more guilt you told her to ride back home with her dad which she did not love but couldn’t protest.

Spencer hardly spoke to Jane the entire drive. He was dry, so much it looked like he ignored her. Jane was desperate to get him to talk to her.

“Please, dad. Don’t be mad at me!” she exclaimed.

“I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” those words he pronounced cut like a knife. You knew that by seeing her dad’s reaction she would become aware of the gravity of her actions. And he actually wasn’t mad, at least not until he saw her pouting face. He loved her too much to be angry.

“Okay but can you just talk to me!” she whined.

“Oh we will, back home with your mom.”

That car ride lasted longer for Jane than usual. No music, no anecdotes nor laughs, just plain silence and introspection while gazing at the landscape.

Your house was in the suburbs near a forest, Spencer had all sorts of scientific arguments as to why living near nature was beneficial but you just loved the paysage before your eyes when taking your morning coffee. The location was perfect; in nature which means less pollution, noise and lower criminal rates yet a short car ride from the city which was full of cultural spots and with high quality education.

Jane tried to run up the stairs in hope to avoid her parents’ correction but was interrupted by your strict toned voice; “Not so fast, young lady.”

She shut her eyes stopping dead in her tracks, she lifted her stuffed animal and said to it “It was nice knowing you, fluffy.” She then turned around and sat on the couch.

Spencer was pacing around, “Why did you do it ?” He asked his daughter his voice slightly higher than before. She started melting in tears which truly pained him. You walked up to her, as you were sat on the couch next to her you started stroking her arm and drying her tears.

“It’s okay. We’re just trying to understand why you did that. There’s no way you would’ve done it without a reason.” you told her.

“Jeremy kept making fun of me…” she struggled to get out whimpering.

“How long has he been making fun of you ?” Spencer asked.

“Since Valentine’s day when everyone was exchanging cards but my box was empty.” You glanced at Spencer in shock of how long you hadn’t known your daughter was getting bullied, silently suffering.

“Honey, I’m so sorry you had to go through this.” you reassured her kissing her cheek and running your hands through her hair. “But what happened exactly that made you punch him ?”

“He made fun of dad, he wouldn’t believe he was in the FBI.” She answered tilting her head up. “I asked him to stop but he wouldn’t so I defended myself.” she affirmed seeming not so guilty anymore. You unwrapped your arms from her giving her a frown.

“That’s not how you deal with problems.” Spencer said sitting on the low table across the couch.

“Yeah, you could’ve talked to us first but you didn’t even try. You know you can tell us everything ?” You backed him up.

“I know but I thought I could deal with this problem on my own. You guys always seem so good at it. And I want to be just like you when I grow up.”

You glanced at Spencer both slightly smiling at each other.

“If there’s one thing I learned from my job at the FBI is that violence is never the answer. It’s only justifiable if it’s legitimate defence; when you life is in danger.”

“Dad, do you still love me ?” she asked watching her feet swinging on the edge of the couch.

“Of course, I love you. I always will, no matter what.” he responded taking hold of her hand. “Okay?” She nodded. She didn’t seem to understand that punching someone is wrong. You needed to have a talk with Spencer;

“Now go to your room and do your homework, we’ll talk punishment tomorrow morning.” You said.

“But-“ she protested.

“No buts, go to your room.” You ordered.

You joined Spencer on the couch, he looked completely defeated. “Hey, are you alright ?” You asked him while taking a seat next to him. “Yes.” He answered a bit too quickly. “I mean…No…Not really.” You knew exactly why he was feeling like this. “It’s not your fault, Spence.” you reassured him playing with his hair.

“This whole time…And I didn’t know she was struggling. What kind of father am I ?”

“I come home every night and I didn’t know about this. It’s not because of your job, it’s not because of us. I’m blaming the school, here. They’re the ones who are supposed to prevent bullying from happening.”

He rummaged his hair with his hands whilst his elbows rested on his knees.

“Plus it’s a good sign, she doesn’t get along with kids her age…” you said slightly smirking.

“How?!” Spencer asks slightly irritated due to his public middle school flashbacks.

“It’s a sign of high intellectual potential. Her emotional age is too advanced for kids her age to understand, they tend to be too insensitive for her. She believes animals and inanimate objects have emotions and that they are intelligent. She talks to her stuffed animal like it’s a pet. She took the pepperonis out of her pizza! Also she has an enormous amount of creativity and she’s highly sensitive to her surroundings. Have you seen how she profiled your every move and suddenly her emotions followed ? Just like you she’s protective of the ones she loves. She only punched that kid because he wasn’t exactly talking highly of you…”

“So you’re saying…”

“Our daughter could be a genius.”

“As mother as daughter.” he complimented with a smirk.

“Oh come on we know who’s the genius here!” you said slapping his shoulder playfully.

You both chuckled. You kept talking for at least half an hour to come up with a plan you both agreed to. It’s not good for a child to watch their parents disagree.

~slight time lapse~

An hour after dinner, you went up to your daughter’s bedroom as it was her bedtime. You leaned on the door frame admiring Spencer, sat next to Jane on her bed, reading a story to her about conflict to teach her what to do in the type of situations she got in. He learned that from you since you were a psychologist. He admired how resourceful and clever you were. He couldn’t be more proud to have you as his significant other and the mother of his child. Your foot made a cracking noise on the hard wood floor which caught Jane attention.

“Mommy! Come!” she exclaimed shaking her little hands.

“What’s up?” you ask sitting next to the bed.

“Me and dad were reading this book you got me and now i understand. I’m sorry for not coming to you first. I just didn’t like what they said about dad.”

“Honey, it doesn’t matter what people think of you. Seeking validation from people can be so unhealthy. If you keep bottling up your emotions you’re going to explode like a bomb and that’s no good.”

“Can you forgive me, mommy ?”

“Of course. You’re still growing, as long as you learn from your mistakes I’m confident you’re going to be alright.” You answered squeezing her hand. Spencer watched in awe, it reminded him how in love with you he is.

“Yes, please don’t ever do that again!” he said a bit too quickly with a high pitched voice that made you all burst in laughter.

“Alright, you should get some sleep.” you told her giving her a kiss on the cheek and tucking her in; “Good night, my love.”

Spencer kissed her temple and set aside the little book he was reading to her wishing her good night as well. You walked out switching the lights off. As you walked down the stairs you asked Spencer to stop in his tracks pointing your finger up; Jane was talking to her stuffed animal. You both had to muffle your laughs. The future looked bright.

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nerds-escape · 3 years

Text

Hi I am now in an anti-Snape mood so...here we go.

Quick preface before we begin: I will be talking about abuse and some other topics, I’ll put trigger warnings at the beginning of everything

NOTE: This is based off my experience as a person who was abused by both friends and family as well as a disabled person and a person who has been sexually harassed and something I don’t even know the term for it was somewhere in between sexual harassment and sexual assault.

“He was Abused as a Child”

TW: Abuse

I know it’s mentioned a lot but just because Snape was abused doesn’t mean he was destined to be a bad person, in fact, when someone says that, it makes it a lot harder for people to come to terms with what has happened. As a person who was manipulated and belittled my entire life I would like to say: I have been told I am a good person so I think I’m a good person, really it’s kind of subjective. But if you want to know some things so you can judge for yourself (a lot of these things had to be put on hold because of the pandemic which is why I’m using past tense):

I taught mentally and physically disabled kids how to swim

I had good grades

I work four jobs so I can pay to go to Uni

I have a hard time setting boundaries which means whenever someone ask me to do something, I do it out of fear of disappointing them (not a good thing but a thing none the less)

I was captain of the swim team

I was in a club that the soul purpose was to raise money for a children’s hospital

I spend a lot of my time volunteering

I know this sounds like I’m patting my own back but I just want you to understand who I am as a person. I like to think I’m a good person but it’s up to you if you believe that or not.

I have lost my autonomy due to my trauma. Every other word coming out of my mouth is sorry because I have been trained to believe everything is my fault. It took me years of therapy and talking with friends to figure that out.

The other day I asked my coworker if I could go to the bathroom because everything in my life I have had to tiptoe around and get express permission on including going to the restroom at times.

Obviously everyone reacts to abuse and trauma differently but having a villain and saying that they are bad because of the abuse they faced is just not it.

Source:

I don’t really know why you need sources on my abuse but here are some sources on trauma and how it can effect kids

https://www.ptsd.va.gov/understand/isitptsd/common_reactions.asp

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/

https://www.kempe.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/The_Battered_Child_Syndrome.pdf

“The Marauders Sexually Assaulted/Harassed Snape”

TW: sexual assault/harassment

AMAB sexual assault and harassment is a real thing that needs to be talked about more, and something that shouldn’t be used to win an argument.

Snape Stans can’t seem to decide if this is sexual assault or sexual harassment. At most it is sexual harassment, this isn’t to say that sexual harassment is something to scoff at, this is to ask: pick one because saying these two are the same things is wildly misleading so stop using these words interchangeably.

Stop using male victims and survivors as trophies for your arguments. Did you know that 1 out of every 10 rape survivors are men? This is a real issue so don’t use it as a defense because guess what? It also makes makes men of sexual abuse seem like they are villains.

Pantsing was just a thing that happened when I was in grade school. Does that make it okay? No. But pantsing is mainly considered “schoolyard fun” especially when it’s between two people of the same sex. Again. Does this make it okay? No. Do I believe what James did was okay? No. But you can not tell me that if you got pantsed and your best friend was there to comfort you, would you call them a slur? I wouldn’t.

Sources: https://wlv.openrepository.com/bitstream/handle/2436/96284/Duncan_PhDthesis.pdf?sequence=2&isAllowed=y

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pantsing

Yes I am using Wikipedia as a source because they have some good sources attached.

“He was Abused by Muggles and that’s why he Hated Them”

Okay and? He knew good muggles. I was abused by men. Does that mean I want all men dead? No. I have been abused by women. Does that mean I want all women dead? No! I could go on for a while of people who have abused me and I can tell you right now I don’t want any of those groups of people dead because guess what: those groups did nothing.

“Sirius Tried to Kill Him”

Yeah, no.

Nobody forced Snape to go there. Was it fucked up for Sirius to do that? Yeah. Like really fucked up but Snape didn’t have to go. He knew what he was getting himself into. He suspected Lupin to be a werewolf. He didn’t have to go to the shrieking shack.

I genuinely don’t think that Sirius thought this one through. To him Moony wasn’t a vicious creature, he had fun playing with Padfoot and he never hurt Padfoot so to Sirius it didn’t even cross his mind that he might be putting Snape in a dangerous situation.

That’s one theory, there are many theories and we don’t know why Sirius did it all we know is that Prongs saved Snape’s life. And Snape hated James for that. Which to be fair if someone saved my life I would probably be pissed off too but that’s besides the point.

“Snape Loved Lily”

No. Snape has the same energy as the guy who I blocked on Instagram after I repeatedly told him to stop something and then made four accounts just to keep texting me and went as far as to find and harass my friends. Same Energy.

“Their patroni match UwU” shut up. No. James’s patronus was a stag a stags mate is a doe, Lily’s was a doe. Snape’s was a doe as well. Now listen I’m down for two dope ass lesbian does but as we know because J*R that was not the case. That was an obsession. If you think that’s what love it like you are going to have very toxic relationships in your life and quite honestly lowkey concerned for you and/or your future, current, and/or past partners.

“He’s a good teacher he was keeping up the act”

No! Teachers abusing students is a real thing, what’s ever worse (as if that’s already bad enough) school was Harry’s safe haven. Now you could say the same for Snape, sure but Snape could defend himself against the Marauders. Choose your fighter: Eleven year old Harry who just learned that magic was a thing and that his parents didn’t die in a car crash vs Thirty-One year old Snape, a teacher. Let me tell you as a person who was bullied by her peers, when my sixth grade math teacher called me stupid, it had a lot greater of an impact than a student pushing me into the lockers.

Teachers are supposed to teach regardless of if they want to fuck your mom or not. It wasn’t only Harry that he was terrible to either.

Also see this entire article to disprove your point:

https://www.learningforjustice.org/magazine/fall-2014/abuse-of-power

Sources:

https://isiarticles.com/bundles/Article/pre/pdf/130622.pdf

Also refer to the article above as well.

I am done with my source arguments here is just a fun tidbit

My abusers favorite character is Snape and and he said he fully understands Snape...

Anyways I will be sending this to all people who try to argue with me about Snape.

#anti snape #rant #harry potter #james potter #hp #marauders #sirius black #Snape Stans #Snape apologist #some people say not to put anti Snape stuff in the Snape tags but also I feel like they need to hear this and this is about Snape #lily evans #I have been holding onto this for awhile #Snape

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cazimagines · 3 years

Text

Let me treat you (ZemoxTransReader) (Ftm)

Request from Anon: Zemo x Reader where they start to fall in love, but the reader gets hurt super badly in the stomach and Zemo has to like examine the wound. The reader keeps pushing them away bc they’re trans (ftm) and wear a blinder and they’re afraid that Zemo won’t like them anymore

Word count: 2k

Warnings/Tags: Mentions of guns and blood, slight angst, mainly hurt and comfort

Please don't upload this anywhere else

This is being cross posted on my ao3 account under the same name

Authors note: I hope this lives up to your expectations. I’m happy to get requests for one shots as people have such unique ideas like this.

Your back pressed against the wall as you glanced around the corner, waiting for the right moment to shoot. You could see down the road the figure of three men with guns pulled around ready to shoot if you ran past. You had to get them by surprise. Sam, Bucky and Zemo had all split up from you so you were on your own as you tried to work yourself back to them. You clutched the gun in your hands as you counted the moments down.

3...

2...

1...

Your legs moved quickly as you ran across holding the gun and pressing the trigger randomly. Your eyes were focused on the hiding spot ahead. Without stopping to see if you had hit them or not, you disappeared down the next road. Feeling your heart beat heavily against your chest you slowed down, gasping for breath. Your chest hurt from needing to breathe and your binder clung tightly to you, making you gasp for more air. Your hand grasped onto the wall beside you, supporting you as you learnt over to recover.

Footstep sounds rang in your ears, coming from behind you. You quickly spun around, aiming your gun at the person behind you. Your eyes were blurred with tears from your lack of breath but as they focused, you lowered your gun realising it was Bucky who was jogging up to you.

“Are you okay, y/n?” Bucky asked, taking in your worn out appearance.

“Yeah, just” you pant, stopping every few words to breathe, “Catching my breath, that’s all”

Bucky puts his hand on your arm gently pulling you down the road, “Sam and Zemo are ahead of us with the rest of the enemies. They need all the help they can get”

You nod, picking up speed at the thought of Zemo defending off everyone. You weren’t with the Avengers when the civil war had happened, so all you knew about Zemo was from what everyone had told you about. Specifically Bucky, who hated Zemo and with good reason. You pictured him as a man who was psychopathic, with an icy glare and fierce eyes, yet all the time you have spent with him was completely different. Dare you say it he was kind, funny, thoughtful. He gave everyone food, clothes, a place to stay. Yes, it was for his own advantage as well, but you couldn’t help but feel part of it was because he wanted you all to be okay. You enjoyed conversations with him as well, you always had a fondness for learning languages. Zemo indulged your interests. In the spare time you had together, he had taught you Sokovian his mother language. You were picking it up quickly, much to his surprise and Bucky & Sam’s annoyance when you two have your own conversation, which they can’t understand. At the safe home you were staying at, it had a massive library. One night you had asked Zemo to read you a book. Sitting opposite him on an armchair, you closed your eyes as you listened to his sweet Sokovian voice slowly lull you to sleep. The next day you had awoken somehow on the sofa with his coat draped around you. You had been too embarrassed to bring up that evening with him, and it seemed the same way for Zemo who hadn’t mentioned it again after.

You and Bucky jogged around a corner to see Sam and Zemo hiding behind a wall. As you caught up with them, their eyes flicked to you and Bucky. Zemo turns to you and briefly nods. His hair was slightly messy, stands fell over his forehead not in their usual position pulled back by hair gel. His chest heaved slightly as well, and his hand clutched the gun harshly. “Five men, ahead” he mutters

“Nice of you to join us” Sam says sarcastically, his mouth tugging up in a slight smile as he looked at you and Bucky.

Bucky shot him a dirty look while you focused on the five men ahead. They knew Zemo and Sam were there, but they didn’t know about you and Bucky, meaning you could take them by surprise. Bucky counted, making you all ready for the attack. You could feel a sweat bead drip down your forehead in anticipation.

“GO” Bucky shouts as you grab onto the top of the wall, pulling your body over and starting shooting instantaneously.

But then you felt something hit you. On your right side, just under your chest.

A yelp of surprise tore out of your throat, which quickly turned into pain as your body tensed up from the shock. The pain felt immense and spread throughout your body quickly. Your nerves feeling as if they had been lit on fire. Your legs gave out, and you watched as you slowly tumbled down onto the ground, but before you could reach the floor, you felt a body push into the side of you. It pushed you down and covered your exposed side with itself. The smell of cologne overwhelmed you, and you could feel his champaign stained breath on your face. His fur part of his coat tickled your face slightly. Zemo placed his arm beside your face to prop him up just above you as he used his other arm to shoot at the opposition.

With Bucky, Zemo and Sam all shooting at them, all the enemies eventually ran away. Zemo’s head turned to focus on you. His eyes were glazed with worry and his eyebrows furrowed as he focused on the blood that was leaking through your shirt. If it was any other time, you would have been blushing like mad. But you were trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall from your eyes because of the pain. You bit your bottom lip, slightly drawing blood as you stopped yourself from crying out.

“We need to get him back to the house,” Zemo tells Bucky and Sam urgently. He wraps his arm around your back, pulling you up onto your feet. He and Bucky have you wrap your arms around their shoulders and support you as they quickly rush you home. His hand presses on the wound to hold the blood in. You tried to stop him from staining his glove with your blood, but he refuses to listen.

Thankfully, the house wasn’t too far away from where you had been fighting, so you arrived there in no time. They carried you in and laid you on the sofa just inside the door.

“I need you two to rush to the shop and grab some bandages and antiseptic wipes. We don’t have any here” Zemo orders Sam and Bucky. They eyed each other, shocked at Zemo taking innovative for once but they don’t argue back and head towards the door. Bucky glances back as he reaches the door and you nod to him, letting him know you were okay with being left with Zemo. Zemo notices the exchange but just bites his tongue, choosing not to comment on it.

“I need you to take your shirt off,” Zemo says, refusing to meet your eyes as he tugs his gloves off. Your eyes widen and you shake your head at him.

“No, I- I can’t,”

Zemo glances back to you frowning, “What? I need to check the wound y/n and put a bandage on it”

“I-I can do it, or maybe Bucky can,” you say, looking away from Zemo.

You hadn’t told Zemo you were trans. Bucky and Sam knew. They had known you for a long time, but you never really told Zemo and the thought of telling him scared you silly. You didn’t know how he would react. You liked him; you liked him a lot though you shouldn’t, and you didn’t want to ruin it by telling him and him reacting badly.

Zemo’s face hardened as he heard your words, and his eyes dropped from yours. “You don’t trust me” he states

“No Zemo that’s not-” you try to say but Zemo cuts you off,

“No, it’s okay Y/n, I understand. I’m not a good guy, we all know this. Why would you even give me a sliver of your trust? I don’t deserve it.”

“Zemo…”

“I was a fool to think of you any differently”

You tried to sit up to move towards him but you felt a shock wave of pain as you moved your wound making you cry out and collapse back into the sofa. Zemo was instantly by your side, kneeling down, his eyes full of worry. He grabs a hold of your hand and clenches it tightly to help with the pain.

“Don’t move. At least do that for me y/n”

The doors slam open with Sam and Bucky rushing in, “They’ve followed us here. Me and Bucky will keep them away while you treat his wound” Sam says pushing the medical equipment into Zemo’s hands.

“Wait-” Zemo tried to say, letting go of your hand to grab one of them but they had already left the building again.

He glances down at the stuff in his hands, then back up to you.

“Seems like you have little of a choice”

“I can attend to my wound”

Zemo’s jaw tenses and his eyes flash with anger as he looks at you, “Do you really hate me that much?”

“No, that’s not it, Zemo,” you exclaim

“Then why! Why are you so determined to refuse my help y/n,” Zemo says raising his voice

You look away from him in shame, and he stands up, groaning. He brushes his hands through his hair angrily as he paces around. He split off his coat and chucked it angrily onto the chair beside you, making you flinch slightly. You watched him walk around, though you are upset and in pain you couldn’t help focus on how good Zemo looked in that purple turtleneck.

“I like you y/n” he finally says, turning to look at you. Your throat runs dry and your eyes widen in surprise as those words slip out of his mouth and nestle deep in your heart.

“You are intelligent, funny, handsome. Everything you do I adore. Who you are, I adore. And I never thought that I would love someone after my wife, especially a guy. I’ve never felt this way about a guy before and it scares me, but I love you y/n. And I know you don’t like me back but please let me treat your wound, you are bleeding out and I don’t want to see you in pain”

You were left speechless at Zemo’s confession. Your heart swelled and beat rapidly against your chest, but your throat was dry like the Sahara Desert. With the more time gap between where you say anything, Zemo stares to get palier thinking he has fucked up.

“Zemo...you idiot, of course I like you!” you finally exclaim

He moves his mouth wordlessly, looking intently in your eyes as if trying to see if you were lying, but slowly the realisation breaks over him. His mouth turns up in a smile, but then something crosses his eyes and he frowns at you again.

“But then why don’t you want me to help you?”

You take in a deep breath and finally tell him, “Take my shirt off”

He cautiously walks up to, unsure of what to make of the situation. You feel his fingers gently brush against your skin, making you shudder. He slowly lifts the shirt off, careful to make sure it doesn't stick to the wound. As he lifts it off, your binder becomes plain to see.

His mouth opens slightly as he takes it in, then gazes at you in the eyes.

“Oh y/n, I don’t care about that. I like you for who you are”

“Really?” you question still worried.

His lips turn up into a slight smile as he looks down on you, he reaches forward gently brushing his hand against your face. You lean into it, closing your eyes slightly as you enjoy the contact.

“Really”

You grin happily at him, making him smile back as he sees how happy you are. He gathers the bandages and wipes and attends to your wound as you relax, enjoying the feeling of the man you love and loves you back, treats you.

Taglist: @multiyfandomgirl40 @ineffablebean @freyjasamael @avgravy @jayxkelsi (Not sure why it won't let me tag you) @huntheimpossible @checkurwindow @there-goes-thefighter @bunniwritesx @montypythonsholysnail

#zemo #zemo x reader #baron zemo #zemo x y/n #zemo imagine #zemo x you #tfatws #daniel brühl #marvel #mcu #helmut zemo #i love zemo

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