#i was about to say worst man alive but he's technically not really alive

[silly-goofy-mood]

About to listen to ep 61 - death of a salesman

Wish me luck y'all

[fangirlstorycreator]

Hello! 🖤 I have an ask, what do you think Thranduil would think of himself if he stumbled upon a precarious human who was injured and found himself falling in love with her? 🤌🏻 could you write something like that? 🙏🏼 maybe he drapes his amazing cloak around her when she panics over her predicament?? Thank you in advanced 🖤🖤

I am very happy to write a thranduil story for you! I hope you'll enjoy, it's my first time writing for him 😁

Your eyes were just starting to open as you felt the warm sun shine through the window, the night before you had stayed in a pub called The Prancing Pony, and the room you were staying in had a window right next to your bed. You sit up it bed and rub the sleepiness from your face, knowing another god damn day was about to start. You were a lone warrior who traveled all over middle earth, you had no home, no family and your bed was pretty much anywhere you could find at the end of the night. Weather that would be a bed like this one, or the forest floor on your travels, it's safe to say you much preferred the bed to the ground. You had stayed at the Prancing Pony many times before, as it was a good place inbetween travels where you could rest up and carry on with your days. You would travel across middle earth and help to rid villages of dangers, weather it be a monster, a band of orcs, or worse. It was just the norm for you now, and there didn't seem to be anything that would change that, not that you knew of at least.

You got dressed into your light armour then made your way downstairs to the man behind the bar, he offered you some food for the road after you paid him, and you accepted happily. Once you left The Prancing Pony, you walked over to the horse stables and collected your horse Thunder, aptly named because the first time you met him he was just a pony and he helped you out of a rather nasty thunderstorm. As you were walking Thunder down the path, a man ran up to you looking rather out of breath, and quite panicked. "Miss! Miss! I see you have weapons on your back! Are you a fighter?!" "Technically yes, I've slain orcs and monsters, and I can hold my own in a fight" "Really? Oh thank the gods! Please, I need your help" "What's wrong?" "It's my son! He ran away from home after an argument, spouting that he was the strongest in the family and he would prove it! He's ran away to Mirkwood forest" "Mirkwood? Why Mirkwood?" "He wanted to bring back the head of the monstrous spider! But I told him that there were too many and it would be suicide! Please, can you try to find him?......I....I know there is a chance he's already gone....if the worst has happened, please could you being his body back so we can bury him in our family plot?"

There was so much pain in his voice, like the thought of his son being dead was too hard to bare. "I will try to find him, and I will try to bring him back to you alive" "Oh thank you miss, I have many jems hear to pay you for your effort" "We can discuss payment once I'm back, until then, I should get going" "Thank you again my lady" "Oh-uh" For such a long time you haven't liked being referred to as a lady, your not a royal and you never act like a lady anyway, especially not the way you talk, act and fight. "Y/N is fine" And with that, you carried on out of the little village and headed towards Mirkwood. With Thunder being your horse, you were able to travel at great distances, within a short amount of time, you were able to pass by Last Bridge and Bruinen. It was night fall by the time you both reached the other side of the misty mountains, you were tempted to ask for shelter in Rivendel, but you weren't sure what kind of welcome you would receive. You had heard stories about the elves, and the ones at Rivendel seemed nice enough, but it was the ones in Mirkwood who most people spoke ill about. You had heard many stories, mostly to do with the history of Thorin Oakenshield and the King of Mirkwood. They had some kind of falling out and there was hatred on both sides, it may have been something to do with Smaug, the dragon who attacked Erabor.

According to witnesses, The Elf king did nothing to help the Dwarf king and his people after Smaug took their home, and that there were rumours that the same elf king captured them and kept them his dungeons when they tried to claim their home back. That's the bad side some people see, but there were others who pointed out that the Elf king helped in the battle of the five armies, although, apparently he was there already to take back something from Erabor. But again, he also lended aid to the people of Dale after the dragon attack, there were so many stories, you couldn't make heads or tales of it. This was running through your mind as you settled down for the night at the edge of the mountains, with you and Thunder warming up by the fire. You decided it was just better to avoid this King or any of his other elves when you were in there, it was going to be difficult enough having to find this young man, in Mirkwood of all places. People have gone mad or even died in that place, and you didn't want to be another one of those people who was whispered about when stories were told. After having something to eat, you drifted off to sleep, lying against Thunder as he leans close to the fire.

The next morning, you awoke from the sunrise and you grabbed something to eat from your backpack as you started getting ready to move again. Not forgetting to feed Thunder of course, he loves his crunchy apples, he couldn't get enough of them. Once you were both fed and ready, the journey started again, and it wasn't long at all before you reached the edge of Mirkwood, with this peculiar looking entrance, it looked very aged, but also like it had been hand carved by the finest eleven hands. You knew that taking Thunder in there was going to be dangerous, however, Thunder was a very stern horse indeed. Over the years, when you have tried to keep him away when your on a dangerous mission, he would find a way to join you, and wouldn't let you do it alone. You were stuck with him, there was no question. "You ready old friend?" He gave a positive winny noise, and it made you smile. Taking his reigns, you lead him through the entrance and into the forest, hoping that this whole situation would be over soon. You had only been in there for 10 minutes, and it was already feeling difficult to breath, let alone anything else.

The atmosphere had an almost misty feel to it, yet you could see fine, it was like your vision was trying to trick you. The air was heavy and you felt dissy due to what felt like lack of oxygen, but you kept going, looking for any sigh of that young man. Thunder stopped in his tracks, and was clipping his hoof against something on the ground, you climb down to look, and pick up a piece of fabric, and it had the same colour of the shirt the father was wearing, this must be from the young man you were suposed to find. You were clever not to shout for him, this forest could be hiding a whole host of dangers, including the very creatures this man came in hear to find in the first place. You weren't going to draw attention to yourself, so quietly you kept on moving, finding more and more pieces of this material as you followed. Until one piece had some blood on it "Oh god, I hope this is just from a little wound" You said to Thunder, that's when Thunder took a few steps back and looked a little scared, you stroked him to help calm him, and that's when you turn to see what he saw. Behind you in the trees were many cocooned bodies in spider webs, there had to be at least 30, and some of them you could see where long gone.

Skeletons haunted this feeding ground, but you weren't looking for skeletons, this man was hear recently. You left Thunder on the ground and climbed the tree, looking for this man, when out of the corner of your eye, you see a flash of colour, the sake colour as the pieces of material you've found. It was him, wrapped up in this spider web. You climbed over to him and sliced him down with your little blade, he slowly fell to the floor as you jumped back down. Again you use your blade to slice open the webbing, and your so thankful he is breathing. He start to stir, he mumbled with his eyes closed. "N-no mumma, I don't want a sweetroll-" "Hey! Wake up!" You say as you slap him in the face, making him jolt awake and sit up. "What the-How did I-Who are you?! Did you just slap me?!" "Yes I did! Your father sent me hear to find you because he's worried sick about you, why would you be so stupid to run off on your own into Mirkwood, in search of spiders, on PURPOSE?!" "I wanted to bring back the head of a spider to prove I was strong!" "Don't you think a better idea would be to NOT go and hunt a dangerous monster to prove your strength? And instead prove to be a better son? And not scare your father in the process? To the point where he thinks your dead?! You had no skill to do this alone!"

"Excume me! What makes think that?!" You look at him with and angry face, and point up to the spiders webs, and the webs around him. "Hello! You were going to die you moron!" "Alright alright point made" "Good, now, look behind my horse there, do you see that?" "It looks, like a thin wire rope" "It is, I tied it around a part of the entrance of this forest, we will follow it and get out of this place. Then! You will go straight home and apologise for acting like an idiot to your father!" "But-" "Do I make myself clear?!" "Fine! Yes you do" After giving him a stern look, he brushes the rest of the webs off himself as you seen if Thunder is ok, but something is wrong, you sence a presence, a bad one. You turn around and see not one, but three enormous spiders advancing down the tree towards you all.

"Get out of hear now! Follow the wire!" "But what about you-" "Just get out now!" This man ran towards the wire, following it to the entrance of the forest as you ready your weapons. You shoot your cross bow at one spider hitting it straight in the eye and making it fall out of the tree to it's dead, still twitching. The other two run towards you, the swerve inbetween them and slice the leg of one, leaving it in pain and unable remove properly, that's where Thunder comes in.

He races over and starts attacking this wounded spider, kicking it in the body and face with his front and back legs, he has one hell of a kick on him, and he is destroying this spider. That leaves you to focus on the last one, that just so happens to be the biggest, and you notice it had many scars, it's seen battles, will it meet its fate in this one? It charges at you with lightening speed, knocking your weapon out of your hand and pins you up against the tree. Your holding it back by it's fangs, that are trying desperately to bite you, it's so hard keeping him away from your neck. So you kick the back of the tree, and reveal a blade that spikes out of your shoe, which you use to stab this spider in the throat, causing it to squeal and drop you due to the pain. You had no idea how high this spider was holding you, and you fell to the floor and felt a tremendous amount of pain, it was coming from your left arm, thankfully you were right handed, but you were still injured and weren't sure you were going to make it. You try attacking this spider again and again, getting a few injuries in, but it's too quick and to strong, and at one point, it grabs you and throws you against a tree, you feel something break but you don't know what. You fall to the floor in tears of agony, holding your ribs and struggling to breath, your bloodied and bruised, and Thunder is struggling with his own spider, he is unable to get to you. Your spider gets closer and closer to you, you have no way to move without pain, is this it? Were you about to be taken out by this spider?

It's within inches of you now, and you close your eyes as its about to strike at you with it fangs, when suddenly you don't feel anything from it. You just hear the sound of something shooting through the air, and when your eyes open you see an arrow has been shot into this spiders side, causing it to get angry, stand away from you and look for whoever shot it. Out of nowhere, about 15 elves jump out of the bushes and trees, and start attacking this giant spider, and the one that Thunder is struggling with too. The pain is too much and you collapse against the tree, trying desperately to hold in the tears and wishing for this pain to go away. The spider sees you and tries to strike at you again, when suddenly an incredibly tall man jumps out from behind you and stands infront, brandishing his blade to stop this monster. His sword slices one of it's fangs off like it was made of butter, and the spider retreats back in pain, allowing the other elves to attack it more. Your vision is getting harder to focus, the pain it too much, so it doesn't even cross your mind this Elf had knelt beside you to see if your ok, until you see his eyes. His piercing eyes, like sapphires and diamonds blended together in perfect balance.

His hand rests against your cheek, but before you could say anything, you pass out and fall forward, but he catches you before you fall.

The elves had just killed both the spiders as this elf picks you up and holds you in his arms, being careful not move you to much incase it hurts you more. Thunder races over to your unconscious body, and looks panicked. "Do not worry....your rider will be alright with the help of my kin" Somehow, Thunder both understood him and believed him, but he still looked worried down at you. "We will bring them both back to the palace, make sure this magnificent horse is tended to.......I shall take this woman to the healers....let's go" Time seemed to feel so short when you felt yourself waking up again, was it all a bad dream? Did that fight really happen? Your eyes adjusted to the surroundings, but something was wrong, everything was different. You could see you were in a beautiful silk white bed, enormous for just one person, the walls and decorations were beautiful, cream and white in colour, with what looked like green leaves and ivy growing in and around the walls, making it look incredible. Your so busy wondering what happend and where you were, that when you try to sit up, a sharp pain hits you like a bolder. "Hhhsss! By the gods! What the hell?" You pull back the silk quilt, and pull up your shirt to see a bandage delicately wrapped around your ribs, did someone heal you? That's when it all starts flooding back. Saving that man, being attacked by spiders, and elves coming to sav-Elves! The elves of the Mirkwood forest! So that means....I'm in the Mirkwood palace?

You look at the rest of you, and you see that your left arm is in a cast, and you can feel some bruises on your face and chest, but no cuts. Did the Elves use their healing abilities to help you? And if so, why? You manage to sit up and on the edge of the bed, where you hear a knock at the door. "Hello?" "Good day my lady, my name is Elenwen, may I come in?" She seemed polite, was she the elf who helped me?" "Y-yes" The door opened and this very well presented elf maiden entered the room with a trey of fresh fruits, baked goods and fresh water. "Oh, my lady you should be resting. Why don't you lie back in bed?" "No it's alright, I'm fine" "I'm sorry but I don't belive that. Not after I witness King Thranduil using his healing gifts to help you, according to him, you had 2 broken ribs, a broken arm and many other injuries too" "I'm sorry, did you say King?" "Yes, King Thranduil, he and his hunting party were out in the forest and happened upon you in the spiders den. He brought you and your horse back for care and assistance, that was 3 days ago" "Thunder is ok? Oh thank the gods-woh woh woh wait a second! 3 days ago?! I've been unconscious for 3 days?!" "You were healing my lady, your broken bones are nearly healed thanks to the king, and another few days and you should be much better" "I didn't think elven healing could be that quick. Oh, and....there's no need to call me lady, my names Y/N" "Ok, it's a pleasure to know your name Y/N. Is there anything else I can get you or help you with?"

"That's very kind of you, but I've already taken up enough of your time and resources. I'll just take Thunder and be on my way" "Oh you can't possibly do that yet! Your still healing, and the forest is dangerous for someone in your condition" "I'm sure I'll manage, I don't want to be a disturbance hear, I'm not exactly someone of royalty standards, I'm just a commoner. I honestly don't know why the elves helped me in the first place" "Royal or not, you were in need of help, and we gave it too you. Besides, the king asked me to inform him once you had awoken, he wishes to speak to you" "Let me guess, he's going to scald me about being on his land and in his forest?" "Of course not, why would you think that?" "I just assumed it would be that" "I can assure you that is not the case, shall I bring him in now?" "I'll just go to him, I've been in this bed for the days, I need to get out of it" "But I-" "I'm not staying in this bed any longer" "Well, alright, fine. But I'll only bring you to the king if you eat something first, you need your strength" "I'm not hungry, I don't need it" "No food, you stay in bed. And that's final" She seemed adamant about that, and you were in no position the move her out of the way and leave by yourself. So you agreed and ate some food, it was some of the best you had even tasted, once Elenwen was happy with you, she helped you out of bed and walked with you through the palace. The further you moves the darker the whole place got, but only in light, not in mood.

It actualy felt quite pleasant in hear, the walkways were made of these beautiful wooden tree roots, like the whole palace was built in and under an enormous tree of some sorts. It was difficult for you to walk quickly, but Elenwen knew this and walked slowly for you too, she seemed very nice. A few minutes later, she walks you across the biggest of these wooden root bridges, where there are these little steps leading to what looks like a big circular area, and in that, was a giant throne. It too was made out of the same things you walked across, there were two guards in either side of the throne, but right at the top, sitting there, was a majestic looking elf. And it wasn't until he looked down at you, that you remember something else from the spider attack, the diamond and sapphire eyes, they were his.

It's only then that the realisation hits you, the very same man who protected you, was the king! You and Elenwen stood at the foot of the throne, and Elenwen said "My king, the lady Y/N wished to approach you instead of in her bedroom quarters" The king can see your eyes roll when she says "Lady" again, you don't see it, but it actualy slightly amuses him.

"Guard, bring Y/N a chair" He does, and places it close to where you were. "Leave us, I wish to speak with Y/N alone" Both the guards and Elenwen leave the area, and now it's just you and the king. He walks down from his throne and stands just the right distance from you. "Please, take a seat" "That's kind, but I don't need one" "Don't need one?.....I'm suprised" You just shrug your shoulder, not knowing what to say. "So?.....might I ask, how you happend to be in the Mirkwood forest on your own?" "I was searching for someone" "And who might that be?" "A young man who had foolishly ran away to slay a spider, trying to prove his bravery and strength to his father" "I see, and did he get what he was seeking" "Nope, all he got was a smack in the face when I got him out of the spiders web, and a firm telling where to go because of his stupidity" This time you see it, a little smirk at the side of his face. "So, you saved this young man, and also smacked him in the face?" "If he hadn't have been acting like a wanna be spider hunter, he wouldn't have got himself into that mess. And because he nearly died from that, he needed a wake up call"

"I see....I like that.....so? Is that what you were doing there too? Trying to prove something?" "What do you mean by that?" "You entered this forest on your own, knowing the dangers. Were you acting like a wanna be spider hunter" "I wasn't acting like anything, I am someone who will help others in danger. I am skilled in fighting and weaponry, and I offer my help to those that need it and ask for it. This was my first time going up against spiders, it didn't exactly shock ME that I didn't get very far with them" "You nearly died saving that young man" "So?" ".......why did you say that?" "Because I did, what are you getting at?" "I just find it interesting how a young woman like yourself, who puts herself in danger all the time will say (So?) When asked about her own safety?" "Have you seen the world we live in? Safety isn't exactly easy to find. All over middle earth every day there are villages who happen to be in the way of some orc bandits. Or bears will pillage peoples homes, or innocent soldiers or bystanders will die in wars, that have no need to be happening anyway. I'm just doing my job, I help people and care for my horse, there is nothing else. And it's a dangerous job I do, so if I happen to die, that that's just what happens" He looks at you with a serious face, but the is also concern there too.

"When me and my kin were out hunting 3 days ago, we saved you from those spiders. But you yourself must have noticed that one was much bigger that the others?" "Actualy I did, and it had scars over its body" "That was because it was the most dangerous of the spiders nest. You see...there is a creature that hides away in some unknown location, me and my kin have tried and failed to find it. It is the biggest and most terrifying of the spiders, and it's name is Shelob. During it's time it had birthed only 3 children, as the others were eaten by those 3. And that spider who you fought in the forest, just so happens to be one of those 3 children. It has been responsible for many deaths of all races, and everytime my kin have tried to hunt it down, they have either never been found, or have been eaten by this beast. This is why I wished to speak to you" "What do you mean?" "Many of my kin have fallen to this monster within seconds, and none have lived.....and yet....you were attacked by this beast, and two others along side it. What I want to know....is how you did it?" "I don't know what to tell you, I just fought back. I shot a cross bow bolt into the head of one before it got out of the tree, I sliced the leg off another and my horse Thunder was beating him off. And as for the big one....I just did what I could, it didn't help that half way through, my left arm had broken and I wasn't able to hold myself in a fight anymore. But I tried, and when it threw me against the tree, I had no chance"

"But you fought it and lived" "No, I fought it, nearly died and then you and your soldiers turned up. I just got lucky" "Don't downplay what happend and what you did" "Why do you care anyway? I don't even see why you helped heal me either, I came onto your land without permission. You should have just left me there after you killed the spiders, I could have got myself back out of the forest" Simpathy now shines in his eyes. "Your not used to receiving help are you?" You fall silent, it occurs to you that he's actualy right. You have no family, no friends, just Thunder. And the majority of interactions you have with people are when they want something from you. And the ones that don't, only chat to you once they have your money. You weren't good at accepting help, you didn't feel like you deserve it, that's why you just wanted to leave this place and get back to what your life was. "The silence says it all Y/N......tell me....why do you not like to be referred to as (Lady)?" "How did you know I don't like that?" "I know many things....and I also saw that little eye roll when Elenwen called you that...I'm guessing with that fierce personality of yours, you have already told her you don't wish to be called that?" "Yeh, I did. I'm sorry, fierce?" "You don't think the same?" "Of course I don't, why do you?"

"Isn't it obvious? You travel these lands on your own, as I have not seen any companion with you. You travel everywhere to do others bidding for coin, you fight and slay monsters, you face danger and you have a flare for standing your ground and being what you want to be. I'd say that's a fierce personality if ever I've seen one" Why is he being so nice? "So again I ask you....why do you not like being called a lady?" "I don't behave like one, so I don't want to be called that" You are firm and strong in your answer, and yet strangely, he seems to like this. He has a small smile on his lips, why? "I must say.....I am impressed" "With what?" "......You of course" "Ok, what do you want?" "I beg your pardon?" "I said what do you want? You wouldn't be saying this kind of thing if you didn't want something from me. So what is it? Coin? To throw me in your dungeon?" "Y/N......I'm sorry" "Huh? For what?" "Im sorry that an extraordinary woman like you thinks that everyone is an enemy. You must have been through so much to think that, I'm sorry if I have said or done something to make you feel unsafe in my presence. I do not have an ulterior motive, I do not wish to throw you in the dungeon or take coin from you. I was simply giving you a compliment, you do impress me" Well....this was unexpected, you honestly didn't know what to say in response.

He held his hand out to you and said "You are my guest hear Y/N, and it's a pleasure to meet you" You take his hand with yours, it's surprisingly big, but soft and welcoming. He brought it to his lips and kissed your hand gently, all while keeping piercing eye contact. "And as my guest, you will be given any luxury you wish, what ever you wish for, you shall have" "That's really not necessarily, I don't need anything" "I insist...." "Look, I think it's just better if I go, I wouldn't want to take up your space or resources" "This is a palace, and as king I have overflowing resources. I must insist you stay until you are in a better condition" "I'm fine" "Do correct me if I'm wrong, but you are struggling to stand as we speak, and I can't see a part of you that isn't hurt. Please..." He does have a point, I suppose staying until your better makes sence, and him and his people have been helpful. "Alright, just until I'm ok to travel" "Wonderful....now, will you allow me to give you a tour of my home?" "Really?" "Of course, your going to have to know where things are if your going to be staying hear for a while" "Ok, it makes sense" "If you care to walk with me, I shall show you the palace" He offered his arm to you, but you politely declined with your hand, he nodded, but he was making sure to keep an eye on you, you were still weak from the spider attack.

He walked you through the palace and showed you many rooms and areas, kitchen, dining areas, balconies, beautiful rooms and many many other places in the palace. But he saved the best for last, he finaly lead you outside to the back of the palace, there was an enormous hidden garden at the back, and it was filled with sweet smelling wild flowers, fruit trees, planting areas and stables for horses. That's where you see Thunder. "Thunder!" He hears your voice and winnied at the sight of you, he happily trotted over to you and you hugged his face as he was finaly back with you. "Thank you for looking after him" "Your welcome, he is a wonderful animal. One of the strongest I've seen, and I've seen many over the years" "Thunder is a great horse, he's always been there for me. Anytime he sences danger, he won't leave my side" "A loyal animal....just like my stag I had many years ago....he unfortunately died in the last battle I fought" "If I may ask, was that the battle of the five armies?" "That's correct....I was there to retrieve something of mine, and I was willing to fight for it. But when the orc and goblins attacked too, I had to change my objective" "I've heard stories about the army, but not from someone who had been in the thick of it" "I do not wish to discuss it anymore" "That's fine, I'm not going to force you" He gives you a small smile, and you do too.

Your suddenly over come with a dizzy feeling, and your ribs hurt too. It causes you to loose your balance and hold your rib with your good arm, and within the second that happened, Thranduil is holding your back with his strong hands. "Y/N, what's wrong?" "I'm fine, just a little dizzy that's all" You say as he helps you stand back up again, still keeping one of his hands on your back. "Your still healing, you need time to rest. Allow me to take you to a part of the gardens where you can sit and I will stay to keep you company" "You don't have to keep me company if you don't want to you know" "I am the king, I can do what I wish. Thunder can come with us if it pleases you?" "That would be nice, thanks" This time when Thranduil offers you his arm, you take it. You didn't want to fall from pain or dizziness infront of him, so you did take his arm just this time. He lead you and Thunder through the rest of the garden to this wonderful river in the middle of this garden, there were other horses who were walking around wherever they liked, and Thunder happily trotted over to meet them. There was a beautifully carved wooden bench next to you, and Thranduil helped you to sit down and get comfortable.

His servants were all over the palace and gardens, and he asked one to bring some drinks and fresh food for you both, once they did, you simply sat and watched Thunder enjoying himself, whilst also getting to know Thranduil too. It was just general chit chat, getting to know eachother and finding out things about eachother. Hobbies, favourite food, memories, things you've done, your background in fighting and what you want to do in the future. For a king, he was surprisingly easy to talk too, and he didn't talk down to you, he treated you like an equal. After a few hours, that felt more like minutes, Thranduil got more trustworthy with you, and told you about the situation from the battle of the five armies. "My goal was to help the people who had been pushed out of their home in Dale, brought them food and medical supplies....but I did have a more pressing matter in mind....you see...many years before this happened, the late Thorin Oakenshield was in possession of some of my treasure, and I was intending to get it back" "And that's why you brought an army with you?" "The army was....a precaution..." "A precaution? There were 14 of them" "Nevertheless....it seemed it was good that I brought them with me....once the battle had begun"

"And....did you get your treasure back?" "I did....once the battle field was cleared and all those who fell in battle were laid to rest, including the late king. His kin, Dale Ironfoot returned the gems to me after Oakenshields funeral...and I brought them back to my home where they belong" "This treasure must have meant a lot to you" "Yes...you could say that..." "I'd think they would be to bring an army with you" He ever so slightly chuckled and said "I can't disagree with you on that" After your time spent getting to know eachother, he walked you back with Thunder to the horses stables, as it was time for the dinner to be served, Thunder was going to be fed with the other horses too. Thranduil lead you into the dining room, where the table was laden with so many different and delicious smelling foods, it made you feel like hunger was puching your stomach. Thranduil helped you to sit beside him, and the servants were all there to serve you food and your choice of wine too. This was so strange for you to experience, you hadn't been waited on before, there was a part of you that wanted to help the servers take the used plates down to the kitchen and help with the cleaning. But when you tried to offer any help, Thranduil said you needed the rest, you were a guest in the palace, and the kitchen had plenty of other staff to help them, and they were all paid very well for their jobs. Maybe that was just the commoner in you, wanting to do your bit, but now that you think of it, most of the staff in hear looked like they had better health and more wealth than many lords and ladies you had met throughout middle earth.

Once you were both fed and the table was cleared, Thranduil offered to walk you around the outside of the palace to view the beauty of the night before taking you back to your room. You accepted and together you both walked outside and witnessed the plants, trees and wildlife glow almost with this magical blue aura, it was like being in a magical hideaway. "This place is even more beautiful outside" "I agree, I do tend to just sit out hear most evenings and observe it's unique beauty" "Your so lucky to live hear" "It's my birthright, I'm not sure luck is anything to do with it. I'm sure your home is just as impressive" "If I had I home I might have been able to describe it" ".......You?....Don't have a home?" "Nope" "But.....where do you live? How do you manage to keep going? Where do you even sleep?" "I don't live anywhere, I don't have a house of my own, I just sleep anywhere there is a space. Weather it be in a tavern, if I have the coin for it. Or if I don't have coin, I'll just sleep under the stars on a bed roll or something. I keep going taking any work I can, I don't get much coin, but I don't need it, all I need is food, a place to rest my head on a night, and Thunder. And I don't have to be rich to have those things" "I'm.....I'm sorry this has burdened you" "Burdened? Don't be silly, I'm not burdened. There are people out there who are in far worse positions that me, I'm grateful for what I have" "But....don't you wish you could have more?" "Of course I do, what person wouldn't. But in life, whatever we want can't just happen magically or form out of thin air. Maybe in the future if I save some coin, I could rent a room out of a shared home, or something that won't result in me sleeping under a tree. But it's not a big issue for me"

He chuckled again "What's funny?" "I just....find it amazing how you can be happy, with so little in your life. No home, and yet...hear you are...smiling" "Because it's not the end of the world" You both smile, and your also nearly to your room again. Thranduil stands with you outside your door and bids you a good night, once again kissing the back of your hand. "Y/N, do tell me....where is it you normally stay if you have the coin?" "Well, it's Bree. It's right in the middle of all the places I travel too, and it's the perfect point to stop during travels. I could stay there for a good few days before I'm off again" "That's very interesting to know.....well, I shall leave you to rest...good night Y/N" "Goodnight Thranduil"

He gave you one last small smile, and walked back the way he came, presumably to go to bed himself. You enter your room and sit down on the bed, getting into some comfortable sleeping clothes, as you think about the whole day. You had just spent the day talking to and getting to know the king of the woodland elves, the KING! And after the stories you had heard about him, you now had your own, and a new perspective to think on. Despite him being a king, he was the first person to show you any kind of decency or respect, without wanting or needing something in return. It was a strange, yet welcoming thing to experience. You kept thinking about it as you drifted off to sleep, in the super soft bed that felt like you were sleeping on a cloud.

Staying in a palace for the next few days was so nice, and made a big change from being on horse back, or fighting to find a place to rest your head for the night. Thranduil had been so kind to you, helpful and really friendly. It seemed like he was coming out of this hardened shell, like he hadn't really had this kind of interaction with people for a long time. Yes he was surrounded by servants, but they were there to do a job, not to converse. You got the impression Thranduil was lonely, didn't he have any family? Children? Or a wife? It had been 3 days since you first arrived, and your bond with Thranduil was now close enough to call a genuine friendship, you both liked being around eachother, and got on like a house in fire. He was still reserved about many things, but that was understandable, you didn't pry into his personal affairs. You were finaly healed and were in fighting shape, and now you were ready to go back to that man in Bree to see if his son got back, and to collect your reward. You and Thranduil were sitting on a bench in the garden as the stars shone like diamonds in the sky, it was a warm evening and the air still had the scent of the warm pastries the kitchen staff had prepared for yours and Thranduils deserts that evening. As you sat, you both reflected on the bond you had struck, and the moments you had shared since forming this friendship.

"I can't believe I've been hear for nearly a week" "It's gone by quickly" "Absolutely, it will be nice to see Bree again though. And to see if that stupid son got back to his father in one piece" "If he didn't, are you planning to smack him again?" "Maybe....if he's not been an idiot" You both share a small laugh, and Thranduil keeps his smile, he didn't use to do that. If you were lucky you'd catch a glimpse of a smirk, but now, it was like he was a new man. "And don't forget, me and my kin will walk you through the forest to ensure you have safe passage" "That's kind of you, thank you. I won't lie...I'm a little nervous to go back out there again" "There is no need to be nervous, I will protect you with my life" "Your very kind" There is a comfortable silence as you watch the stars, when Thranduil says "Do you wish to return hear?" "Pardon?" "I mean....If you wish to return, you are more than welcome" "Is this your way of asking if I'll come back and visit you?" "........." "Thranduil...do you want me to visit you?" ".....That would.....be nice" "Then yes, when I close by, I'll come and visit" You could tell he was nervous about asking you that, but secretly you were happy he wanted you to come back, you were really going to miss him.

"I find....that I don't have anyone around to keep me company as of late. My son, Legolas he.....he is on his own path" "Don't you have anyone else hear with you? I wasn't sure if you were married either" "I was....a very long time ago.....you see, many years ago, I was betrothed by royal demand. Her name was Calathiel, she lived I'm Mithlond before travelling to Lothlórien, we were wed and we produced an heir, my son Legolas. But our marriage wasn't meant to be" "Oh?" "Whilst we were married and did what was expected of us, the love was only one sided. I did love her, and care for her a great deal. But alas, it was not reciprocated. There was a war that needed my help, and when I was gone, she ran from the palace....leaving Legolas behind. Once I found out, I came home and ordered everyone to find her....but it was too late. She was captured and tortured in Gundabad, she died there.....I have not spoken about her since" "Thranduil, I'm sorry that happened, I really am" "Worry not for me....this was the reason I took myself and my army to Erabor many years ago. They had the neclace and gems that belonged to my late wife, and I was there to take them back. They were all I had left of her, or so I thought. It wasn't until after the battle that I realised, my son....Legolas, he was.....I didn't need the gems, all I needed was him. But he chose to walk his own path, and now I have not seen him in many years"

He sounded heart broken by this, whatever happened between him and Legolas has scarred him. No wonder he seems lonely, he doesn't have anyone, you were glad you formed a bond with him, you both needed someone to be there for. "I'm sure Legolas is alright out there Thranduil, and I'm very sorry to hear about what happend to your wife. I would just like to say though...thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, I know this can't have been easy for you to say" "Thank you, your kind to say this" Thranduil had the most majestic voice that had such depth and command, and yet there was vulnerability there. You didn't hear that vulnerability with anyone else in the palace...just you. "It's late, I think you should get some rest. It's going to be a long day of travel for you if your going to Bree" "Yes your right, Thunder fell alseep ages ago, he'll be fine in the morning. I hope you sleep well Thranduil" "You too Y/N" Your just heading away from him, when you stop, think, then turn to him and say "Thranduil?" "Yes?" "Why don't you make me call you "king?" Or "your majesty" Like the others do in the palace?" He smiles and says "Many reasons, but my favourite.....I like hearing my name from those perfect lips of yours. It's like music" You had never blushed more than you had at that very moment, that was like poetry! You couldn't even speak, so you just give him a smile back, and head off upstairs to your room, still feeling the warmth in your cheeks as you go to sleep.

The next morning, you were dressed and ready to go back to Bree. Thranduil and you shared a breakfast as Thunder was being fed and readied for the trip, and once you had finished, you both headed down to the stables where there were 10 other elves waiting on horse back for you both. Thunder was rearing to go, and you gave him a cuddle before climbing onto his back. "Onwards" Thranduil declared, and into the forest you all went. According to him, the path they would take would only be a 20 minute walk to the exit of the forest, that was a relief to you. But there was something that was about to happen that you weren't expecting, something that would frighten you. You and the others were half way through the forest, when all the shadows and shapes of the forest were playing with your eyes. Your heart rate was creeping up at an alarming pace, sweat was forming on your brow, and your body and hands started to uncontrollably shake. Thunder could sence this about you, and stopped, allowing the others to see you were in distress. Thranduil stopped to see you looking as white as snow, shaking and struggling to breath properly, this instantly made him cause everyone to halt, and he was off his stag and by Thunders side within seconds. He was holding your hand, trying desperately to get your attention, but you were locked in this zone of panic, white noise and ringing filled your ears, but soon Thranduils voice was managing to break that.

"Y/N! Y/N take my hand! Let me help you down" You manage to hold his hand and he carefully takes you into his arms and helps you off of Thunder. "Keep watch all of you!" He demands as he helps you sit on a nearby tree root, your still shaking, and your body is full of adrenaline, you couldn't stop it. "Y/N! Look at me ok? Just look at my eyes" Finaly able to meet his gaze, his piercing blue and white gaze, his calm and steady words slowly eased you.

He knew you needed something to ground you, to make you feel safe, so he drapes his beautiful golden cloak around your back and shoulders. It was so warm, and it smelled like him, like the earth after a rainstorm. "Let's take a deep breath in......and out, just like that. Let's keep doing that ok? In.....and out" He continues to do this with you for what felt like hours, even though it was more like minutes, he never leaves your side or let's go of your hand. It takes you a little while longer for the shaking to stop, the ringing to go and your body to finaly calm down again. You were left with this achey pain, like the aches you get from the flu, you knew this was because of your body going into over drive. But Thranduil refused to leave until you were back to normal again, no matter how long it took. He also made sure you had something to drink, that was very kind of him. "Alright, your pulse is back to normal now, how are you feeling?" "Better than I was. I'm sorry about that. I was just having flashbacks of the spider attack, and-"

"There is no need to apologise, it was a terrible thing to experience. Of course it's not going to be easy for you, your safe now" You took a deep breath and gave him a smile, he could see you were feeling better, but he still kept a keen eye on you. He helped you back onto Thunder, and you all carried on to the exit. He would stay close by with his stag to make sure you were ok, he was so protective. When you all finaly got to the edge of the forest, and walk under the same archway you entered before, it was the end of your time with Thranduil. You climbed off Thunder and Thranduil climbed off his stag, the rest of the elves stayed close to the entrance as you both took a moment to talk. "Are you sure your going to be alright travelling the rest of the way on your own?" "Yes I'm sure, I've made this journey hundreds of times" "I'm guessing it would be nice if you had a place of your own instead of sleeping rough for the rest of your days?" "Yes it would be nice, but like I've said before, it's something I'll just have to work for. It was....wonderful getting to know you Thranduil, and I would love to visit you again" "I would very much like that too.....meeting you....has changed me....in the best way. Your kind soul, your beauty....it's like being blessed with a fallen star. Pure, and unique....and the days I have spent with you have been a blessing"

And once again, he has made your heart skip, your cheeks blush, and has made beautiful poetry with just a simple sentence. "Thranduil....that's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me. I don't know how to thank you for everything you've done for me" "There is nothing I want in return Y/N, your happiness and safety is more than I could ask for" You had no words, no idea how to show him how much you care about him. So instead, you lean up, rest your hand on his chest and press a kiss to his cheek. You wanted desperately to kiss his lips instead, but all of his soldiers were there. This time, it was the handsome king who was blushing. "When I'm close by, I'll come and see you again Thranduil" "And I will be waiting for you" One last smile and a wave was given as you climb back onto Thunder, and you gallop off in the direction of Bree. Thunder was very well fed and cared for by the elves, and being so, he was so much faster. He managed to ride into Bree within half the time of the last time you traveled, it was the late afternoon by the time you arrived back in Bree. Your priority now was to find the man who sent you to Mirkwood in the first place, and to find out if his son made it back too. It took about 10 minutes for you to walk through Bree, and see that man in a front garden, planting some vegetables. "Good day sir" "Oh! Oh it's you!" This man shouted in happiness as he ran to you and shook your hand. "Y/N I am so thankful you made it out of that dreadful place! My son told me what happened, and how he wasn't sure you made it or not" "So he got back in one piece then?" "Oh yes he did, with his tale between his legs!"

This just made you chuckle, and you can see behind the house, the same man who you saved, raking up cut grass. "He's serving his punishment, but all is forgiven from our falling out. May I ask, how did you manage to defeat those spiders" "Well I didn't really defeat them, I managed to kill 1, wound the other and the biggest one nearly killed me. But it was the woodland elves who saved me, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be hear right now" "The woodland elves of Mirkwood? I've heard stories, but none from anyone who have actualy met them. They saved you?" "They did, and they are very nice people....it was a pleasure to meet them" "That's lovely to hear, and it's good to know your safe. Now! Let me pull these little beauties out" He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bag of gems. "Oh no that's alright, that's too much" "You are not leaving hear without adequate payment young lady" "What about just half the bag? A full bag seems too much" You....risked your life to save my child. I would give everything in my possession to have him home. You have done us a great honour, and you deserve every last one of these"

He puts the bag in your hand and holds it there for you, determined you keep them. "Your very kind" "The world needs more people like you, thank you for everything that you've done" He leaves to go back to his gardening, and you smile as you walk back to Thunder. "Looks like a nice cosy night in the stables for you old friend" you say giving him a pat on his side. You start to lead him through Bree, when a tall looking figure walks up to you, looking very pleased. "Good day Y/N" "Ummm? Hi? Have we met?" "Oh no we haven't yet, my apologies. My name is Fendin, it's a pleasure to meet you" "So? Can I help you with something?" "Oh yes indeed, if you'd like to follow me, I've been asked to show you something" He started walking in the opposite direction, you had no idea if this was a trap or someone trying to sell you something, but you could handle yourself against one....was he an elf? Still keeping a distance, you follow him and he leads you to this magnificent and beautiful house just towards the end of the street. It has it's own stables filled with everything you could need for a horse, and you could see through the windows of the house, luxury seating areas, a big comfortable bedroom, bathing room, living room and kitchenette.

"Ok, Fendin. I'm confused, why have you shown me this house?" "Because this is your house" Huh?! "No no no, you definitely have the wrong person. I've never owned a house in my lifetime. The longest I've stayed inside a building was over night in a tavern. I haven't the coin to own a house" "He said you may act this way" "He? Who's he?" Fendin reached into his pocket and pulled out a sealed letter, he handed it to you before he started showing Thunder some attention. Wanting to know what was going on, you open the letter, and it read:

My dearest Y/N

I have sent my friend Fendin to show you around your new home. I have much coin and this home is my gift to you, you deserve a place to live, not just survive. I knew he would get the house ready before you would arive, and I hope he gives you the full tour. Your the most extraordinary woman I have ever known, and everything I told you before you left was the truth from the very depths of my heart. There is also a stable for Thunder to have a home too, he deserves it. I look forward to seeing you again....and maybe next time you can aim those beautiful lips of yours on another target? Enjoy your new home.

Thranduil

Thranduil bought you a house! He bought you and Thunder a house!....a home... "So, may I show you around the inside of the property Y/N? I would like to see if the colour scheme is to your liking" "Fenrin, no matter the colour, I am more than happy to see my new home" He smiled with glee as you let Thunder roam around his new and spacious stable, and Fenrin enters the house with you flowing. But just before you enter, you hover outside the door, holding the letter from Thranduil and looking up at the house. Thranduil had bought you a house, a place to call your own. For so long you have been looking for a home.....but maybe, just maybe.....a home isn't necessarily a house....sometimes a home....has a heartbeat....

[misc-obeyme]

simeon having had exposure to small pox in a way that it exists in his system but as an angel his immune system never paid it any mind then he turns human and mc has to pull up to the doctors office w him asap like 'hey yknow that vaccine we havent really had to use in decades since the disease was eradicated? yeah break that bad boy out. also we need appointments for everything else' and when the doctors are like 'why is this grown man not vaccinated against anything and also how is he still alive????' mc gets to go 'whackjob asshole father' (in this house we talk shit about om god)

Yessssss because OM god is the WORST and I am ALWAYS good with shit talking that guy.

Ahhh poor Simeon, I imagine him being his usual calm and smiling self while on the inside he's freaking out like am I gonna die!?

Meanwhile, MC is trying to figure out what to put on his new patient paperwork. They're gonna have to come up with a believable year for his birthday on the spot. And I suppose they could just say he has no history of illness in his family at all, which would technically be true? MC's like okay no medications, pretty sure Simeon doesn't smoke, uh... and then they'd have to ask. Hey Simeon, are you sexually active? I gotta know for the papers.

And Simeon's just like excuse you?? (Unless MC already knows the answer to this question tee hee...)

Do they even make the small pox vaccine anymore?? I have no idea, to be honest with you. Gonna need a TDAP and whatever they call the ones for measles & mumps... the dr's like... uhhh does he want the COVID vaccine too? Simeon's not going to understand the political nonsense behind that question, so he just goes with whatever MC suggests. Do they still do the polio vaccine?? I'm not sure about that one, either, but he might need that, too.

I think there may be some time in between things like I think TDAP has two shots? He might have to go back for a second round on some of them. I don't know if you can even get them all at once. Also if he's already got the diseases would it be too late?? I really don't know lol.

I like to think that he managed to survive, even if it was a trial by fire, through the help of MC and the miracle of modern medicine. What a way to welcome him to his new human life!

[darkmasterofcupcakes]

I think Heaven have two very distinct cultures.

Winners, who are at least decent people (at first anyway) who have their own morality from Earth, and Angels, be it the big G's direct creations or later heavenborn.

Things like homophobia would be foreign to the latter, same for marriage honestly I think, as they're just on a different vibe, and in general, heaven seeing genuine goodness being pushed would avoid the worst.

I'm pretty sure faulty interpretations of the Bible get shut down very quickly.

So overall, while the influence of Winners would affect things, it's not like it would be too much, especially when winners too would be influenced, unlike the Sinners who are stuck in Pride Ring but still disliked by the hellborns.

I view the disdain toward Angel Dust as simply a disdain for his actions while not caring of his emotions.

Doing drugs is bad, selling your body is bad, and Angel already is in hell.

That hell part really is important, because I think Lute wouldn't be like that regarding Winners who were prostitutes in life or other unsavory sex related jobs.

Beside, there's a difference in people's mind between sleeping with people and sleeping with a lot at the same time.

Just listen to her argument "crackwhore who fucked up already" and "he blew his shot", the argument specifically is regarding him already being in hell.

TLDR, that's just Lute not caring for Angel's reasons and being hostile because sinner.

Though Vaggie misunderstanding being in relationship with a man instead of being married to your child's father is understandable.

Overall, I think the members of the Sisterhood would be key to getting her to be honest about it.

The discussion between Lute and Vaggie about it is sweet to imagine, and it definitely make Vaggie angsty.

Small headcanon, but I think Vaggie wrote notes for her mom as a child when Lute wasn't able to be there and vaggie couldn't go see her, both so that Lute could see them and so that Vaggie don't forget something, and it was something Lute played along with, especially since before Heaven's phone equivalent, letter would have been the go to, just like for Hell.

And during the 3 year times she has been in Hell, she wrote letters "to her mom" when feeling too emotionally overwhelmed, despite knowing what Lute did to her.

The idea of the "Winners" and Heavenborn having different cultures from each other would make a lot of sense. Though I do think things can be complicated for people like Lute in my AU, who is Heavenborn herself, but was born to two parents who were "Winners", meaning she was raised more with their beliefs, but also learned and later developed a lot of the mindsets of most other Heavenborn.

That being said, I can and do imagine that there is some overlap in the beliefs structure, especially as time has gone on and more Winners would have been around to influence the Heavenborn. So, for example, I do think that while it wouldn't be as big of a scandal as it would be for Winners (especially ones like Lute's parents, who were likely alive sometime in the 1700s at the latest) having a child out of wedlock and choosing to be a single parent would raise some eyebrows among the Heavenborn. Though I also feel like, for them, "marriage" can just be two people being in a relationship and saying they're married; they don't need anything to make it "legal" or official.

Though I do feel like there are also things that Heaven itself considers even more of a big deal than they are on Earth and, honestly, in Hell for the most part. Two of those things being secrets and "rank". In reality, Lute being a single mother itself may not have been that big of a deal to most Heavenborn, but the fact that she kept the baby's father a secret was a bit of a scandal, and she kept the secret because while they could technically get away with having a casual "friends" relationship in public, with Adam being her superior/boss, she really wasn't supposed to be in a romantic or especially sexual relationship with him at all, and while they were mostly able to hide it, the baby did complicate things.

And that would make a lot of sense - Lute has a bias against Sinners and Hell, and the fact that she views herself as having "lost" her daughter to both by the time of the meeting would not improve her views on either. So of course, from her perspective, she wouldn't be willing to accept the idea that someone who was already deemed unworthy to get into Heaven could ever deserve a second chance. She just views demons and Sinners in particular, as flat out horrible people who will ultimately never be able to change.

Lute wasn't often openly vulnerable even to Vaggie when Vaggie was growing up, since she wanted to be "strong" for her daughter, to be the type of person she hoped Vaggie would want to become. But talking to Vaggie about her parents, and especially about her mother, did cause her to show a bit of emotion. Especially when young Vaggie, who was able to make the connection that her mom was sad because her parents weren't around, and the reason her parents weren't around was because they weren't happy about her being born, did ask if Lute ever wished she could still have her parents.

And Lute immediately tells Vaggie that even if she misses her parents, she wouldn't have given her up for anything. And if anything, she really feels sorry for her parents because, thanks to them not being willing to accept Lute's decision to raise her daughter herself, they're just missing out on getting to be part of Vaggie's life and seeing the person she's already becoming, even at that young age.

I could definitely see that happening. Vaggie especially did the "letters" a lot during the days she had to spend with Sera, when Lute had to go to Hell for the Extermination, and Vaggie was still too young to stay home on her own. And yes, she did still write the letters when she was in Hell, probably even up to the events of the series, but obviously she never sent them. Part of her wanted to just burn the letters, just write them to get those emotions and thoughts out on paper, but then destroy them because of the memories just doing that brought back. But she couldn't do that, so she has a little secret place where she just stores all these letters that she's never going to send, that not even Charlie has ever seen.

[spenglersweetheart]

I realize I haven’t really asked for angst-

So imma make everyone hurt

Set before the events of afterlife, reader is happy to find out she is pregnant and can’t wait to tell Egon about it. However he’s been so wrapped up in the end of the world coming that he’s not been paying attention to reader. This upsets them but they make dinner and go to get him only to find him missing.

Once they find him (he was in the shed) he snaps at them and tells them he’s too busy and he will eat later. Pretty much angst ensues with the reader breaking down and spilling how they feel and that their pregnant

Yeah

You can do comfort after if you want

I need old man Egon angst

oh wow i'm actually going to cry over this i can ASSURE you. but you ask and i shall deliver <3

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( note : ik this gif is in after life but technically he's still alive here sooo <3 )

Honey, I'm Pregnant

Older!Egon x Reader

WARNINGS : angst, mentions of pregnancy, if that weirds you out.

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YOU WERE HAPPY WHEN YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOU were going to have a kid. You've wanted this to happen for a while. You were even more happy to tell Egon about it. And you were even trying to tell him, but he kind of brushes you off. It was normal, but it has been more excessive than usual.

Although it makes them worry. It also makes them pretty upset. They knew how this was important to Egon, and usually they tried to take a step back after things had gotten heated between the two of you. But right now, especially since you found out the news, you wanted his attention more than usual. Maybe because of the hormones, but you really wanted him to know.

You were finished making dinner and you went to look for him, only to find that he was missing. You checked almost all over the house to look for him. And then it dawns on you to look outside in the shed, so you did.

You knock on the door of it, but you don't really wait for him to give you a response before you open it. You only peek your head in. You see that he's working.

"Hey, um, dinner's ready," you tell him.

"I'm busy," he simply says.

A sigh escapes your lips as you fully open the door to the shed. "Honey, you need to──"

"I said, I'm busy," he snaps, looking over his shoulder at you. It makes you jump. "I will eat it later."

You seriously couldn't believe it. He was usually so much more patient than this. You knew he was worried about the world, but god, you just wanted his attention for at least a second. You wanted to have dinner with him. You wanted to tell him the news.

You break down in tears because of the pent up anger that you've had for a while. When Egon hears you crying, he finally fully turns around.

"I know you've been caught up on this end of the world, stuff. I know you're worried about it. But you've been brushing me off and ignoring me because of it," you tell him through your tears, "And I've been trying to tell you something for the past three days, but you're always here in the shed."

"And you're not?" Egon asked, "I'm trying to save it! I'm trying my hardest for you to prepare for it. I'm trying to protect you and all the other people out there!"

"Protect everyone?" You ask, "How about you start with protecting our kid."

Egon looks at you confused, his mouth slightly open.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

You looked down, messing with the sleeves of your (technically Egon's) other trenchcoat. You smile through your tears before you look up at him.

"Honey, I'm pregnant," you finally tell him. It feels like a weight lifted off your shoulders.

Egon is speechless. He doesn't know what to say at first. And honestly, that worries you. Is he not happy with the news? Did it make everything worse for them? You didn't know, and it was making your head spin at the worst time possible.

"Egon? Honey?" You say quietly, trying to get his attention.

His eyes soften. He feels bad that he's been treating you the way he's been treating you. Especially now since you were carrying his baby. The only thing he does is pull you in closer.

"I'm sorry," he whispers to you, "I'm sorry for being so mean to you."

"Don't be. I know you're worried. Especially now that we're having a kid, right?" You ask with a chuckle.

"Yeah, but this news ... Scary, I admit, but ... I'm happy to have a kid," he tells you.

You smile, looking up at him. "Really?"

"Yeah," he answers.

You give him a kiss on the cheek. "Now come on. Your food is going to get cold if you don't come on," you tell him, grabbing his hand and leading him toward the house with him following behind.

[2n2n]

ch. 111

the plot thickens and I am thrown all around the room as if in a hurricane... I really cannot predict Iro-sensei's plots!!!!!!

oh Amane, all of your efforts, your gestures.... what a desperate, helpless feeling

its the most predictable response Tsukasa would have, but it still hurts very very much.

he's reaaaally strange isn't he... he's like that....

oh Amane.... you're so reactive to perceived rejection and failure. You'll say the worst things, you'll think the worst things... you're sooo unstable, Amane!

What, you simply don't accept that your otouto would 'try to leave you'? I bet it's something like that. You "know he's fake" now because he "wouldn't do something like this to you"... that's my guess at your dumb little brain. Don't take him too seriously, okay, Tsutsu? Your brother just can't handle the sense of rejection of you choosing to die & leave him behind, or he can't handle that all his gestures and attempts to show his love fell so flat that you have no idea at all of his desperate love of you. Nooooo you have to be fake~~~ my real otouto would understand and he'd never leave me~~!!! I don't think you, Amane, understand how suicidal your real otouto was, and is, to this day! Would you believe it has less to do with disregarding you, and more to do with not believing in his own life's worth? No, you won't believe that, right... it's about you, instead! hahaha....

I'm glad I played AidaIro's Snow White game because... Estelio is THIS HURTFUL to Rasphard, and it's just out of a sense of being rejected!!! Estelio would kick his twin's goddamn corpse on the ground, let him wriggle and DIE in pain and AGONY if Estelio has the impression Rasphard wants nothing to do with him or isn't considering him ... LOL. Iro likes this kind of ... troubled, insecure, desperate, spiteful, needy person... you want the perfect brother, who loves you. You have that, but you can't understand the idea of someone choosing to leave you through death....

I wonder if Tsukasa started grabbing your jacket to move you to protect you.... meanwhile, Amane impulsively moved to protect his ~~~fake otouto, haha!

I wonder ... if Nene-chan has her memories because, she is magical etc, or if Akane actively made Teru do something to her to enable her to... stay as an aware asset, since he isn't completely sided with the Clockkeepers... maybe Akane is waiting to see what 'new future' comes to be, and seeding a few tricks to utilize if he doesn't agree or wishes to pull out? (I mean, if the Severance never happened, Aoi definitely would not be his girlfriend haha)...

The clockeeper's circumstance is interesting enough. Its very Aidairo-core. But not enough for me to talk about haha.

swag, I have been right the whole time! cool. yep!! of course. logical haha!! I can't be too proud of myself, it's been spelled out ...

that same old God~~ our Tsutsu!

the year before the murder, when the boys were 12... fuckin scary place to go to. What on Earth are you changing... the circumstances of the shinjuu?

if we're 'fixing' the 'problem', I wonder if that means we'll be going into the original timeline, where Amane would likely still be alive-- he'd just be an old man, and Nene-chan's teacher at Kamome. Wouldn't that be so funny and interesting? Lol. What would we all do if Amane was "Yugi-sensei" and like, old! It would be very AidaIro core AHAHAH ahhh the agegap fetish--! It's not enough to have Sumire x Hakubo and Yako x Misaki and Kako x Mirai and the entire Monstery Nursery AUs LOL you know, we need more ahahahaah (HanaNene is already technically biiig agegap! I would laugh if actually making Amane like 60 woke some people up flfjdklfdjk)

I'm just not sure... Amane could just be dead, I guess, and Tsukasa. Or he could be alive, and old. I have a vague theory that he must be a kaii because of, whatever he or Tsukasa had done together during the shinjuu... (maybe Amane was impulsed to eat some part of Tsukasa, maybe the God blessed Amane at the last second, etc etc)... it's hard to imagine Amane would be a school mystery-- Tsukasa is his yorishiro after all... and we don't quite know what circumstances make Sumire and Tsukasa into objects, if being sacrificed to the God had something essential to do with that...

Well, so interesting, I wonder if Nene-chan will have to go even further than she did in Picture Perfect-- in that arc, she had to choose to reject a seemingly perfect, but ultimately fabricated, world; even if it was 'nicer' than the 'real world'. Now, she might be shown a world fixed of its cracks-- it could even possibly be a world Amane never had to murder his brother, like she wanted before. Nene-chan is so often getting "what she asked for" in the wrong way, at the wrong time. She fell in love with "Hanako". Is the boy she fell in love with "here"? Is he in a form she can confess to?

Furthermore, she just bonded with Tsukasa, and has knowledge of the Red House... must be essential, to write that happening before this-- just before, even. Tsukasa even inspired her to need to free herself, even if Amane isn't there to save her.

Poor Nene-chan though-- so scary!!! What an awful situation to be in HAHAHA, flung around...

I have no idea what Mitsuba's situation will be, but Tsukasa is responsible for our "Mitsuba" to even be around. He wouldn't have even managed to become the ghost about the entryway without Tsukasa kaii-ifying him through his first, vague wish.

Well, it would be funny if these things were all true now:

-Amane is alive, but he's old lol -Aoi is not Akane's gf, and maybe that other timeline was the only goddamn way you could ever get her within reach lol -No Mitsuba To Speak Of lol

MUCH POSSIBLE, MUCH TO THINK ABOUT-- MAYBE I'M WRONG ABOUT IT ALL!!! Iro-sensei writes such interesting plot twists WOO ahahaha! I WONDER IF WE WILL INTERACT WITH 12 YEAR OLD TSUKASA AGAAAIN~~ pleaaase ~~

feeling more certain than ever that Tsukasa is The single most tragic member of this cast hahaha

[sarahjtv]

So, My Hero Academia Chapter 387 (MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD)...

That was a really, really good chapter, but hoo boy that fucked me up real bad and I need to get some thoughts off my chest before I go to sleep.  Tumblr is the best place to post this; I’m not spending $8 on Twitter Blue to type this out.

First off, more eugenic stuff yay...  This time with Rei’s family, the Himuras.  So, turns out that Geten (the ice villain following Re-Destro) is a part of that family which means that he’s the Todoroki’s cousin at best.  I think Rei would’ve said something if he was her brother. 

And that the Himura’s have been inbreeding to keep their bloodline “pure” and their ice Quirk in tact...  And forced marriages were also desperate attempts to keep this in check.  UM WHAT THE FUCK, HORIKOSHI???  I’m not saying this is a bad thing story-wise, but it makes the Todoroki Family situation so, so much worse if that was even possible.  And sadly they’re not the only family to do this... 

So, if Rei was a product of inbreeding, then (and correct me if I’m wrong) the Todoroki children are technically inbred too on top of being born out of a quirk marriage to begin with INCLUDING SHOUTO WHO’S BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH (I need to clarify that I’m not criticizing Rei or her kids, it’s not their faults. I’m criticizing the practice of inbreeding itself).  I feel ill just thinking about that.  This is some royal family shit that should never be a thing to begin with.  I don’t care if marrying your 2nd cousin shouldn’t fuck up the kids too badly, it’s still extremely fucked up period!  This is honestly worse than the quirk marriage imo and that was bad enough as it was.  I kind of wish Horikoshi didn’t include this because it’s sadly kind of warpping my perception of them, but I’m not going to fly over to Japan and throw hands with him over it.

And this puts more context into why Rei chose to marry Enji because agreeing to be bought into a marriage with Endeavor to create the perfect offspring with Fire and Ice is somehow better than MARRYING YOUR FUCKING COUSIN AND HAVING A CHILD WITH THEM!  She never had a good choice to begin with; she just chose the best one that was given to her.  God, I feel bad for this woman.

I honestly need a few days to process this because it was dropped so casually and now I need to sit down and think of the implications of it while working on my finals 🥲

Onto Dabi who is fighting his dad with like half of his body remaining.  How the hell this man is alive is a goddamn mystery because he looks like a burning skeleton.  And this whole thing has caused his Quirk to evolve to the point where he’s now producing ICE ❄️!  HE HAS AN ICE QUIRK NOW TOO!  IT’S EXACTLY THE THING ENDEAVOR WANTED THIS WHOLE TIME AND NOW HE HAS IT IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE!  I WANT TO SCREAM!  SHOUTO AND DABI ARE REALLY 2 SIDES OF THE SAME COIN! 

There really is no way of knowing if Touya would’ve unlocked this part of his Quirk if he trained more with Endeavor, but the fact that he actually had the potential to become exactly what he was born for is devastating.  He could’ve been what his father wanted him to become, but his Quirk was too dangerous to himself to try.  If this happened, Natsuo and Shouto might not have been born (I’m glad they were born tbh), but at least the family would’ve been spared a shit ton of trauma.

Oh, and it looks like that massive fire punch he threw at Endeavor completely burned off his right arm and now he’s right armless like Endeavor.  That one panel of them “dancing” with right fire arms is haunting.  You could write a whole short essay on that panel.  Horikoshi loves parallels and I do too.

Honestly, I really expected Horikoshi to just kill off Endeavor and Dabi at the same time this chapter.  It looked like that’s where it was going.  There are a lot of ways their fates could be going and I can see it happening all those ways.  Personally, I want them to live at least until Shouto finally gets there.  I think Horikoshi is setting up that “Todoroki Family Reunion” he’s been planning since Chapter 300 or something especially with Rei entering the battle field.  What happens next is something we’ll have to wait for.  I want Endeavor to live honestly.  But, I can definitely see Dabi dying at the end because I really don’t think he’s going to survive at this rate.  Horikoshi cooked him too well 😂😭.

And finally REI TODOROKI!!!  The block or whatever her and her family were being transported in was stopped right below Gunga Mountain last chapter and they were forced to go up to the surface to make sure they avoid Dabi’s fiery explosion.  That’s why she’s up on the surface to begin with.  I do want to know how the hell she got to the battlefield so quickly though.  I don’t see her as a fighter, but maybe she trained her Ice Quirk to glide on it like Shouto does.  I’m really curious to see what she does because she does hold some responsibility for how Dabi turned out and I think she’s trying to atone in a way too.  This better not mean she’s dying though.  I don’t need the Todorokis to deal with more trauma, especially Shouto.

Anyways, there’s a lot to unpack in this chapter and there’s probably more to dive into.  Um, I’m glad to see Mr. Compress again like Horikoshi promised.  He’s probably still assless though.  Where are the 2nd year UA students you promised, sir???  But, yeah, the Todoroki drama continues to be more and more fucked up by the weeks.  Please let this family have peace one day I’m begging  🙏.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Assuming Aro and Carlisle were both on the same dating app, what are their profiles like? Ie, how do they present themselves to attract others (and I know they're already in relationships let's just blame the dating app gift vampire).

Bonus points for Elezear because he's the worst.

I want to know what AU has caused vampire dating apps.

I can only assume we're in one of those cutesy AH AUs where Carlisle is a barista (not allowed to be a doctor anymore) and Aro is a cutthroat lawyer at his practice Volterra, and the pair totally aren't into each other except they are and find out over the course of thirty chapters how these two get together over hard to remember coffee orders!!!, or as you say the Dating App Vampire, we'll call him Larry the Lovebird, has used his gift to bless every vampire with profiles.

But alright, I can pretend this is another blog for a moment and that I do write Ao3 fics instead of eldrtich monstrosities.

Aro

We know from Aro's hunt for Sulpicia that he was looking for a very specific kind of person and not afraid to shop around to find them. More, with his gift and long life, I imagine he'd be less willing to discard someone based on things others do (having a degree is not a sign of intelligence, he doesn't really care what class someone is from, so on and so forth). I imagine he'd take a similar approach on a dating app. Except, in the most ridiculous way possible.

See, Aro's going to want to cast a wide net and he has his gift to cheat.

So, he's going to make himself as interesting as possible, certainly non-threatening (me? ever kill someone? perish the thought) just to get that first date where he can touch your hand and decide "yes" or "no" based off of every thought you've ever had.

Now, he can't do "generically" interesting as in online dating culture "long walks on the beach", "love hiking in the mountains", are all things everyone says they do but 5% of the people who actually say it do. He'd not only look basic, but he'd look like a liar (which he is).

So, I imagine what Aro does is present himself as a very niche persona then change that persona every few months in the dating rounds.

One month, Aro's really into heavy metal, really, super, into heavy metal. His profile is a bunch of quotes about heavy metal. The next, he's a gym bro. The next, he's a lover and poet.

Mostly, Aro just uses it as a way to meet interesting people, get interesting stories, and troll around while keeping an eye out for someone he'd actually find interesting.

(Though the real answer is that he wouldn't, as he already did this thousands of years ago with Sulpicia, and it doesn't seem like a hobby he'd pick up in this modern day.)

Carlisle

He fundamentally does not understand dating apps and has no desire to seek someone out in a relationship "oh ho ho, have I told you about my baggage where I'm a man-eating demon who can never get close to everyone, survives constantly starved, and more?"

I imagine his app is just his name and his face.

That's it.

He looks like a lazy attempt at cat fishing.

Eleazar

Now, I don't know about Eleazar, his participation in the Denali escapades is technically up in the air, but I know the Denali would likely have dating apps.

But if Eleazar had one, if we're going wtih my interpretation of the worst man alive, then it is a sight to behold.

Eleazar in leather pants with a rose between his lips (he is Spanish you know) lying on a couch looking at the camera seductively behind a black and white filter (partly to make him look less like a demon, partly for the sexy). Eleazar shirtless in front of a mirror in an artsy shot that looks either out of a style magazine cover or the film Zoolander.

All the quotes amount to "I will blow your mind", but said more eloquently and often in Spanish.

[dee-in-the-box]

alright, time for the longer version of this.

for simplicity's sake, i'll just call Dave "Dave" through this whole thing.

so. some background (aka My Headcanons):

- when Jack got a job at Fredbear's, he'd usually talk to Dave the most. this "talking" quickly escalated into them ""jokingly"" flirting and Jack venting about his problems.

- Jack was the first to notice Something Weird going on with Henry and Dave, but never directly asking about it (he would, however, ask Dave if he was alright).

- the day before her birthday, Henry would bring up the plot to kill Dee. Dave was heavily against this, for several reasons (she's Jack's sister, and they Both know how close those two are, they'd have nowhere to hide the body given the Other Two Dead Kids, Dave was feeling weird about this in general, etc). Henry just seemed to brush him off, worrying Dave.

- Dave debated warning Jack, but thought that Jack wouldn't believe him, so he didn't say anything.

- We All Know The Rest From There.

but, and here's the idea i had: What if Dave decided to try and warn Jack anyway?

- Dave, knowing that telling Jack at work that night was. a bad idea (Henry would also be there, after all), decided to go over to his house and tell him there.

- Jack is concerned (he doesn't see why Dave would just...lie about something like that, especially the night before Dee's party), but doesn't want to just. cancel the party. that might look suspicious to Henry, and Jack doesn't want Dave to get in trouble for this, so he asks Dave to keep an eye on her. Dave promises.

- Dee's party happens...and she doesn't die! Dave is practically a nervous wreck the whole day, both due to the weight of a young girl's life on his shoulders, and because this is the first time where he's really put his foot down with Henry, but he makes it through and sends her home with Jack.

- Henry Is Not Happy.

- Jack is distrusting of Henry, keeping his conversations with his boss as short as he can make them. Dave starts hanging around with Jack more, and goes over to his house (while also being surprised how Jack was managing shit so well despite having to work so many jobs at once and watch over his little sister at the same time).

- Henry tampers with the Fredbear suit in a way that Jack won't be able to easily detect, despite being a pretty decent technician, and then told him to perform in the suit instead of Henry himself. Jack doesn't trust that, but he kinda...needs this job, so he goes "Eh, sure. What's the worst that could happen?" Dave realizes that this scenario seems...suspiciously familiar to him, and just kinda goes "Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit-" the closest he's able to get to warning Jack about what's about to happen to him is him telling jack to be careful; those suits are dangerous, after all.

- Jack Gets Springlocked™

- stuff's kinda the same from there, with the obvious difference of Dee still being alive. Dave just kinda. moves in with jack and Dee. Peter decides "Well. At least Jack's happy. He has the weirdest taste in men though, istg-" Henry still experiments on Dave, but Dave catches on because Jack points out the stitches and scars left behind afterwards. you'd think that these dudes just chill until Henry dies, and in the meantime just try to free the souls of the kids Henry killed.

- well...not exactly. for one thing, Henry still killed Peter. and immediately got threatened by Dee, Jack, and Dave. because What The Fuck, Man.

- another young kid unfortunately ended up taking Dee's place as "#3." and yet another ended up being "#5."

- they were a pair of brothers. Michael and Andrew Brooks (characters from the Fnaf books. Michael Brooks was the Golden Freddy kid in the novel trilogy, and Andrew, who doesn't technically have a last name that i've heard of in the books, is the Vengeful Spirit in the Fazbear Frights books. i just decided to make them brothers because Why Not?)

- Michael, six years old, had been locked out during a party, and Henry had offered to show him a Back Way in. Andrew, only fourteen, had snuck in one night to find his brother.

Michael would become the Puppet, and Andrew would be a mix between Golden and Shadow Freddy.

- Henry doesn't end up dying until late 1987-early 1988. that's mostly because Mike, the rather forgiving kid he is, was simultaneously restraining both Blackjack and Andrew from murder. Michael wasn't able to do it forever, obviously.

- this means that Henry was still around at the time the first two games were happening. Dave kept his distance, Jack and Henry were nearly at each other's throats constantly, and Dee was busy trying to keep the souls of the dead kids happy.

- Jack, Dave, and Dee help the souls of the kids move on.

- due to still being...experimented on, Dave is still slightly unhinged. just not in a murder-y way. think more along the lines of Flipside Dave.

that's about it!! that's all that's coming to mind, anyway. :]

[toshidou]

give us those personal hcs 🫶🏻

gaz hcs:

he's the type to leave notes. lots of notes. whether he's home for a while, or just about to set off for another gruelling deployment, he'll always make sure you have plenty of little pieces of paper scattered around your shared home for you to randomly find.

his hiding spots range from the bottom of the laundry basket, to under his pillow, you even found one taped to the back of the toilet seat once. each one says something short yet sweet; a simple "i love you" or, "you look so cute when you're concentrating" with a doodle of your face next to it.

he loves to bake. whether it's sweet stuff or delicious savoury breads, he loves nothing more than to watch your face light up at the mere scent of whatever he's got in the oven that day. your favourite thing he's made was a duck cake for his niece's birthday, a bright yellow masterpiece that had this adorable 6 year old screaming in delight the second it was placed in front of her.

gaz is a family man at heart, and though he never brings any photos of them with him on deployments, he'll always make sure to call his parents on a secure line at any chance he gets. after all, he knows his family worry about him, the least he can do is reassure them he's still alive and breathing, ready to come home and let his mum fawn over "their little hero".

this means he also wants to be a dad. so fucking much. he's amazing with kids, all bright eyes and giddy smiles as he crouches down and asks them what game they're playing today. each of the kids in his family adore their uncle kyle, and every time you watch him swoop them through the air whilst making the worst plane noise you've ever heard, you can't wait to watch him cherish the children you'll have in the future.

he's a sucker for disney movies. his favourite is either the fox and the hound, or mulan. don't make him pick, because he can't. you've also watched him cry at several other disney movies. but you're technically not allowed to tell anyone about that, even if you think it's hopelessly endearing.

he loves 40s/50s/60s love songs. something about how pure and sweet they are have always had such an impact on the way he's envisioned his future relationships. that means he's nothing but an absolute gentleman; always running out in front to open doors for you, bringing you home flowers at every opportunity. and if he's away on an assignment for months? he schedules a florist to deliver you a personally arranged bouquet every month, each accompanied with a note, of course.

as a kid, he always wanted a really niche hobby that he thought would impress his friends. so that's how he finds himself as a grown adult, being able to flawlessly tap dance. it's not a fact many people know about him, the number reduced to close family and the odd very close friend, in fact if it were up to him he'd take that secret to the grave with him. but it was only a matter of time until his mum ushered you to the couch and put on a home video of him being the solo at a tap dance recital, and you haven't let him live it down since.

[batneko]

I’ve decided to start saving the various AU threads I wrote on twitter since twitter could implode at any moment.

-

Some buds have a superhero au (keyword being "super" there) and I was thinking about it when I saw a gif about a supervillain ranting to their minion and so now I present to you a concept -

Mumen Rider: Accidental Supervillain

He just. He just made a lot of choices that made sense at the time. He's not sure how it got to this point.

In A World with superpowers and heroes and Unwritten Rules, Mumen is a low-level speedster. He's faster than most vehicles but can't throw (or take) a punch better than average.

What he DOES have is a lack of the problems speedsters usually face. His clothes don't tear under the pressure, he doesn't start fires when he tries to touch things, his metabolism is only as high as any athlete. No one's entirely sure why, but it gets him hired as a hero!

He doesn't do much - just patrols and fights whatever small crime he runs into. But he's happy.

Then one day he's taken on a team mission. Always good to have a variety of powers. The heroes have found a dangerous supervillain's lair and they want to arrest him for arms dealing.

It doesn't go GREAT. In the course of the fight the building catches fire, and it spreads quickly. The villain is trapped, Mumen starts trying to rally the others to rescue him, but they refuse. He's a villain. Him dying here will save paperwork.

So Mumen goes in alone, dodging falling rubble, and by the time he reaches the villain the whole building is coming down. All Mumen can do is throw himself over the old man as a human shield.

To both their surprise, it works. It turns out Mumen has a second power.

The force field doesn't stretch far beyond Mumen's body, but he's able to wait out the worst of it and get both of them out of the fire safely. By the time they do the heroes have all left. Mumen sighs and insists on taking the villain to the hospital.

Mumen's suit had taken a lot of damage so he gets checked over too. He gets home hours later to see the morning news announcing that his hero persona tragically died when a villain vengefully set his own lair on fire.

It's a lie. And now Mumen wonders how MANY lies Hero Org told.

While Mumen is dwelling on that, debating whether to tell them he's even alive, the villain finds him. He'd seen his face so it wasn't hard (according to him). And gives Mumen a whole sack of cash as payment for the rescue. Mumen tries to refuse but the villain is insistent.

After much polite disagreement, Mumen finally says he'll take the money... but he wants to spend it on the villain's research.

See, what made THIS guy so dangerous is that he ARMS the other villains. And Mumen could use a new suit, as well as a place to test his force field power.

The villain agrees, and introduces himself. His name is Kuseno. And if Mumen really is indestructible, Kuseno might have a job for him.

It turns out that the force field is why Mumen's never had problems with friction the way most speedsters do - everything in a certain range of his body is invulnerable. But there's a major exception to the things he's protected from. Humans.

If a human gets into his range they can hurt him just like normal. That's why no one ever noticed before. It's a bit ironic, being immune to bullets but not punches.

It does, however, make Mumen the PERFECT human shield.

Kuseno builds him a bicycle with as little friction as physically possible (his range doesn't cover a whole bike) and Mumen gets to be a hero again. On his own terms. Pretty soon he's got a positive reputation online as that bike guy who just shows up and saves people and leaves.

The Hero Org doesn't like it, they disapprove of all vigilantes and especially ones with good press. But they can't do more than put out occasional statements about how unlicensed heroes can't be trusted.

But a pattern emerges. Bike guy doesn't JUST save innocent bystanders

Since Mumen works for Kuseno that technically makes him a minion. So when the villains come to pick up or test new gear, Mumen ends up socializing with their goons. Some are in it for the money, some the thrills, some... just enjoy hurting people. But they like Mumen!

(The sadistic ones actually like Mumen the MOST because they think no one who seems that normal would ever work for a villain, so he must secretly be a freeeeeeak.)

Mumen's not entirely comfortable with ALL his new Work Friends, but he doesn't think they deserve to get shot! That's not HIS judgement call to make. So when he's out in his hero suit he saves everyone he can. Everyone.

One thing happens early on that at the time just seems to be a lesson to watch what he says.

Mumen explains to some goons that he helps Kuseno test weapons because "I've got partial invulnerability." And as soon as the i-word is out, a goon pulls a knife and tries to stab him.

To be fair, the guy just thought it would break on Mumen's skin and they'd all have a laugh. Luckily for both of them, Garou's reflexes are even faster than a speedster's. He grabs the guy's wrist and yells, "He said PARTIAL, asshole!"

Mumen thanks Garou profusely and they spend the rest of the visit sharing crazy coworker stories.

Neither of them realize this is the SECOND time they've met.

Another thing happens a couple months later. Mumen's hanging out with some different goons, they're talking about all the crazy shit their boss makes them do, and Mumen offhandedly says "We really need a union."

Dead silence.

"How... how would we do that?"

"Oh, I don't know. There's resources online."

"A lot of villains would kill us just for bringing it up."

"Sure, that's why you don't bring it up until you've got a solid plan of what you want. And probably some blackmail material."

"I used to work for a guy who put bomb collars on us so he could blow up our heads just for disagreeing with him."

"... See that is a thing that would not be allowed under the union."

The conversation moves on and Mumen more or less forgets about it. Until six months later when he's elected union president.

(There were several other candidates who were more involved in actually FORMING the union, but they also pissed a lot of people off.)

"I'm not even a goon! I'm like, a research assistant!"

"That's a kind of minion! We made the category pretty broad."

"I've never done anything like this!"

"Neither have we!"

He doesn't tell them he's also a hero. He CAN'T. Some of the less stable ones might try to kill him, and the rest would be heartbroken.

And so, seemingly overnight, Mumen has become the leader of every mook, minion, and even a lot of the low-tier villains in the country.

And there's something else... He got to know Kuseno as they worked together, and he knows about his real motives. He also knows that Kuseno really doesn't have that much money. It all goes into 1. Genos, 2. paying Mumen and keeping the lights on, and 3. R&D. There's little profit

The villain community knows Kuseno, knows he's the guy you go to for the BEST gear, but a lot of them don't really think about the gear aspect of it. They either make their own or steal it. When Kuseno loses a customer to jail or death, it takes a long time to find new ones.

Mumen mentions that it's a shame he can't advertise, but villains are big on Aesthetic and it just wouldn't do to have big Kuseno Labs logos on everything (especially since Genos is a hero and Kuseno keeps it a secret how he REALLY makes his money).

if more villains could see Kuseno's stuff and go "hey that's awesome I want that" he wouldn't have any problems! Too bad he can't just go out and stage flashy crimes as demonstration.

Then again... why CAN'T he do that? Not Kuseno. But someone else. Someone indestructible.

by this time Mumen has been in villain circles for months. He's gotten to see just how corrupt the heroes can be. And he's aware of politics enough to know that certain people can just bounce back from property damage. You blow up ANY ferrari and there is no downside.

he slaps together a costume, heads out, makes a big show, and skeedaddles before the heroes show up (he knows their strategies, he knows when to cut and run).

And then casually lets all his many MANY minion friends know that Kuseno made that new villain's whole kit.

It only takes one more show like that before somebody figures out MUMEN is the new villain. Garou, the one who saved Mumen from the knife attack that time.

Mumen doesn't know it, but they've met several times.

Mumen doesn't know it because Garou has a power too.

Garou is unnoticeable. He can blend into any crowd, he can look like he Belongs in any room. If he's VERY careful he can even make somebody think they're alone when he's standing over their shoulder.

He's met Mumen four times now, each of those working for a different villain.

Which is frowned upon, in villain circles. Even in the union. Unless you're a secretary or an accountant, you don't really "shop" bosses. You find somebody who vibes with your brand of crazy and you stick it out until the boss bites it or gets locked up.

but Garou isn't in this to BE a minion. He wants to be BIG, he wants to be the worst most super supervillain this world has ever SEEN. And if that means watching how the others do it and playing Wormtongue from time to time, so be it.

He's always whispering, encouraging, giving ideas for boundaries to push and lines to cross. Every boss he's had has just been a test case for him.

And here's Mumen. Who's more of a walking ad than a "real" villain. But if he's gonna be on TV he can at least LOOK the part.

Garou makes a few suggestions, is pleased when Mumen takes them, and thinks that will be the end of it. He doesn't actually intend to minion for him. But the next time Garou comes by Kuseno's lab - with another new boss - Mumen remembers him.

That's... not supposed to happen.

Garou's power has a weakness too, it only works when he WANTS it to work. If there's someone that he WANTS to notice him... they will.

And he would like it very much if Mumen noticed him.

(Garou nearly jumped his bones back when he suggested a union.)

With Garou's advice, Mumen starts to gain fame as a villain. And as more footage of him pops up, other minions recognize him. It becomes known that he's just the Face and Kuseno is the Brains, but still, Mumen has a lot of clout.

Within a year of his "death" and starting over, Mumen is well-armed, trusted by a veritable army of minions, and understands heroes better than any other villain.

Somehow it STILL takes him by surprise when his villain persona is named as the biggest threat in the country.

"I'm no supervillain!"

"Sure you are. Remember when you blew up that bank?"

"With no people inside! And fully insured!"

"And when that news station got a blurry picture of your face so we hijacked their broadcast to play disney movies and they got sued?"

"...okay that was funny. But I don't have any minions!"

"Sure you do. What about Spider, and that lady with the human finger bone earrings?"

"Tomie is the union treasurer and I'm pretty sure those are replicas!"

"Are you? Because she has multiple pairs."

"She... she's a very good treasurer."

As time goes on, Mumen starts to feel bad. He's still a hero in the little spare time he has left, and nobody but Kuseno knows about it. People are relying on him in all his other jobs, and that's fulfilling, but what he WANTS is to be a hero.

Garou has become the person he confides in (and more? They're still dancing around their feelings) so Mumen asks him to come over one evening for a serious talk. Garou thinks it's finally love confession time and prepares accordingly.

When Garou shows up in the nicest shirt he owns and an attempt at brushing his hair, Mumen almost breaks. But he mans up, he tells Garou the truth. That he was - and IS - a hero. That he never WANTED to be a villain. That he's kind of trapped now.

Garou walks out.

(If you're wondering where Saitama and Genos are in all of this, so am I.

There's too many options! I know Genos is a hero, but is he a pro? Was that before or after he met Saitama? Is he ALSO secretly a villain and hiding it from Kuseno?

If Saitama's a professional hero did he know Mumen before, or not meet him until after he "died" and went vigilante? Has he been mourning his friend this whole time? (Probably not, that might be too dark.))

Back to the mumarou! Currently stalled out because Garou is Pissed.

Not only did Mumen lie to him - lie to EVERYONE - but all this time Garou's thought Mumen was like him. A kindred spirit. A relatively normal guy who just likes villains for personal reasons.

That's not why he walked out, though. He got up and left after Mumen told him his old hero name. Garou KNOWS that name. That's the first hero whose ass he kicked so hard he actually felt (a little) bad about it. And Mumen has no idea.

Garou's torn between "Serves him right then!" and "Shit, now I'm never going to get to tap that."

Mumen was afraid that Garou would spill his secret - though he wouldn't have blamed him. But aside from not showing up for his volunteer work at the union, there's nothing.

After a few days, Mumen learns that Garou hasn't shown up for minion work either. He's just gone.

Mumen's not exactly WORRIED, he knows Garou can take care of himself, but he is concerned. Packing up and abandoning your life isn't a healthy response to finding out the guy you liked is a liar.

He tries to tell himself it's not his fault. It doesn't work.

Mumen still has to work though, and soon he's executing his next villainous scheme.

To his surprise, a new hero he hasn't seen before is on the scene in moments, and somehow gets close enough to take him down hand-to-hand. It's good technique. Mumen can't help but be impressed.

The next scheme goes much the same. And the one after that. As much as Mumen admires this new guy, it's getting frustrating. Since when could a hero predict him as well as he can predict heroes?

And then one particularly embarrassing fight later, Mumen's pinned down by the hero -

- who leans in and murmurs "I told you about the cryo-gun, didn't I? Only works for ice guys. Slips up anybody else. S'a good product but not for the wider market."

It's Garou.

That night Mumen looks into it and finds that Garou's hero persona is quickly rising in the ranks. He's considered a sneaky type and a close range fighter, and his costume shows off his figure so he's already got fans.

It's great but it doesn't make SENSE. Garou HATES heroes.

Mumen wants answers, but he can't exactly go through normal channels and ask Garou for a chat. So what do you do when you're a villain and you need to talk to a hero? Publicly call them out for a fight, of course!

"[Garou's hero name] I've had enough of your tricks! Face me like a real hero! Come to [place and time] ALONE or the city will PAY!"

Anyone who knows anything about villains knows it's a bluff. Mumen wasn't even standing in front of a bomb!

But Garou gets to play the "I can't take that chance" card and meet up with Mumen just as ordered. He's so pleased by the whole thing that he almost forgets he's still mad about the lying.

So why DID Garou become a hero?

"Revenge."

"That's not a very heroic motivation."

"Man tell that to my friend Genos."

"So you wanted to embarrass me?"

"I mean, mostly... kinda... I guess."

"You guess?"

"I guess I MAYBE wanted to... seethingsfromyourside."

"Aww!"

"No aww-ing!"

"What did you decide?"

"It's okay. I mean, that organization is fucking corrupt as shit, but... the hero part's all right."

"It feels good to do good, doesn't it?"

"Shut up. No. Maybe. ...Never been popular before. That part's nice."

"I'M a fan."

"You're a nerd. And I'm not a real hero anyway. I'm just gathering info. Biding my time."

"Okay. You're not a hero and I'm not a villain."

"Right. ...oh."

"Now you're getting it."

This is all I've got for now! Eventually they will be a couple but they already know they both want to, it's just a matter of hashing it out. And there's gotta be a plan to take out (or take over) the corrupt hero org. Maybe they switch places? Or both be both?

Mumen and Garou should definitely be Nemeses for a while. Really play it up whenever they clash. Garou would NOT be subtle about the subtext either.

He's got a bit of an exhibitionist streak to begin with and tussling with his secret boyfriend in public is THRILLING. (It's not a secret when they're in any guise but these, everybody in villain circles knows Mumen is dating his #1 henchperson.)

Garou also really likes to scandalize his fellow heroes by hinting that the sexual tension he has with his nemesis is both intentional and resolved. He'll never admit it outright but he makes a LOT of innuendos.

[healerelowen]

Okay, so I just finished watching a play-through of Poppy Playtime chapter 3 and um

I have a lot of thoughts/pos

Btw, I don't support MobGames or anything in that nature. I just like the game for the story and cool characters.

Rant under the cut + Spoiler warning

My first thought is I love this chapter. I do enjoy the story telling while still being able to add more horrifying visuals that still are realistic in the world of the game. Especially with the whole 'dream hallucination' thing, which allows them to get creative.

Second, CatNap is so cool. I think he only says one line of dialogue and it's pretty hit or miss depending on whether or not you're listening. But that's why I liked Huggy Wuggy so much as an antagonist in Chapter 1. Huggy doesn't say a single word yet still manages to be perceived as threatening. CatNap is similar, in which he doesn't say much because he doesn't need to. Also purple cat, cool heckin design.

Another thing I like about CatNap is that people knew he was going to be the antagonist, he was always seen as a threat prior to the release of Chapter 3, but in the moment of seeing him in action, it pulls the rug from right under you. And I think that's really neat and it does a lot to establish how terrifying CatNap actually is.

Who the heck is Ollie. I mean, I don't hate him, and the name does ring a bell. But I'm not sure if I can recall an Ollie anywhere in the Poppy Playtime story pre-Chapter 3. Maybe it was in Project playtime somewhere and I missed it. But yeah, mysterious character I guess.

Umm, didn't really like Miss Delight that much. I mean, she works in the narrative of having a school at the PlayCare and the whole Bigger Bodies Initiative and what not. But I feel like she could've been more provoked or maybe get a little more of her character. Though there is more than one according to the tape showing The Hour of Joy, so that's probably the reason. It's fine I guess, I just want to see less filler characters going forward, if any at all. Some fleshing out of formerly introduced characters would be interesting.

Dogday, man. It honestly makes me feel so bad for him. Like, from what we can gather from what he says, the Smiling Critters all collectively agreed that the Prototype wasn't really okay with them. And CatNap, seeing that as protest, either did what he did to Dogday or potentially worse to them, or even maybe just straight up killed them. And that's so sad to think about. Also his whole bit actually unnerved me quite a bit. Usually I'm not disturbed with stuff from Poppy playtime (i.e what happened to Mommy Long Legs in Chapter 2), but that was the first time I got an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.

One hell of a final fight holy shit. CatNap just going full out truly shows that he knows what he's doing, he knows who you are, and we don't have any other mention that CatNap has done that with any other Playtime Co. employee. It's very deliberate, and I like it. Also his death is brutal. All of them are, and Dogday definitely got the worst of it, but holy shit man. Looks like Huggy, if he is dead, got a more merciful death.

I mean, yeah he fell after hitting a bunch of pipes, but also we don't know if he's dead or not. Mommy Long Legs had a pretty gruesome death, being grinded up alive by a machine while knowing that if you die you'll become a part of presumably the Prototype is quite the troublesome death. I already talked about Dogday and how disturbed I was with his technical death. CatNap's was surprising, because it wasn't an 'if he was going to die', it was a 'how he was going to die'. And um, yeah being electrocuted, set ablaze, burnt to a crisp then stabbed in through the mouth by the Prototype will do it. Though I would like to see more of CatNap and Mommy Long Legs in future chapters, they're definitely my favorites.

Kissy Missy, oh my lord. The sounds of her screams from above the lift was so upsetting. I love Kissy Missy, please don't let her be doomed by the narrative please I'm begging I can't take the emotional turmoil.

Those are most of my main thoughts, though I will say more if people want to hear me talk about Poppy Playtime some more.

[ash-arts-a-thing]

(Before I ask, can I just say I really like the way you made JD oxygen tubes look like his ears! That's such a nice touch.) I'm not too familiar with bio-shock but how does the big brother program work? Wouldn't JD stop being a big brother after Bruce grew up and that connection lost? Or is it the fact that all of the brothers are blood related family that he just becomes the big brother for all his siblings?

Well in canon Big Brothers and Little Brothers don’t exist, for whatever reason LB couldn’t form the proper symbiotic connection with the slug if I remember right. So I’m running off the idea of them all being blood related which makes it work for them, but the side effect is the LB aged more rapidly, they’re physically and mentally in their 20s-30s, but have only been alive for about 2-3 years. Since the pc in the first game is also technically only 2 years old, but has the mental capacity and physical body of a late 20s adult man I figured it could make having all 5 brothers around in such a short amount of time plausible

As for the connection, everytime one of the brothers became too ‘old’ they’d drag John Dory back into the labs and condition him to the next brother, so he never technically ‘leaves’ the conditioned state once he’s a BB, he just latches onto a new sibling. That being said though, he still has Alpha series programming and if he’s away from his current LB for TOO long he can slip into a coma, go insane or, worst case scenario, die

Also THANK YOU I’m so glad somebody noticed what I did with his oxygen tubes being his ears 😭 I thought it would be cute, I couldn’t not do it! Plus I thought it would make him look a little more ‘troll-like’ even in the suit

[imaginarianisms]

i just think about the fact that. jon's whole body is covered in scars & he's still Very young. like. he has a burned hand & forearm, eagle talons across his face, an arrow going through the leg & was stabbed to death & he likely has to get his throat & parts of his stomach & between his shoulderblades stitched back up upon his resurrection. who's gonna stroke the scars on his face. who's gonna show him tenderness & caring while he processes his grief & trauma bc all this time he's acknowledged it but he's never really felt it, he thinks he's a man grown & technically he is, but he's still that traumatized boy on the inside trying to be a man, he's trying to kill the boy inside himself but that's still a part of him & he can't kill the trauma that boy suffered, he's still that little boy on the inside who was haunted by winterfell & beyond the wall. he has so much pent up grief bc quite literally everyone he ever loved died & then he found out that 'arya' is alive (who's actually alys karstark) & then when he tried to save her, he got killed. davos is gonna have to give him a "it's not your fault" good will hunting scene with jon during the winds of winter bc he genuinely feels like its all his fault. there's gonna be a moment of catharsis at some point where everything he's been through all just comes crashing down on top of him & he's gonna Feel It. because he has so much to deal with, suffering from a severely traumatic injury, waking up after painful medieval surgery to find out that his home has been burned to the ground & his little brothers have been killed (they aren't but he doesn't know this yet), then his first love dies in his arms, then he finds out his remaining brother & closest friend robb is brutally murdered at his own wedding, then he becomes lord commander at a young age & has a massive responsibility on his shoulders then he sends his best friend sam away to the citadel, then he finds out his little sister (who's actually jeyne poole but he doesn't know this yet) is actually alive & is forced to marry ramsay bolton then he GETS STABBED & DIES for trying to do the right thing & now he's going to be resurrected after his soul has been stuck inside of his gigantic albino direwolf ghost & having to deal with that trauma & not to mention shireen baratheon, an innocent little girl, will probably be sacrificed by burning alive for his life & will have to relearn to speak & he also becomes hard of hearing after being inside of his direwolf's body (as animals with albinism actually have a high comorbidity rate of hearing issues & that transferred over to his own human body when his soul was brought back into his own body again), violently dying & then being brought back to life & having to deal with multiple disabilities at once & also learning that an innocent little girl was murdered in the worst way possible for your life doesn't sound great for someone's mental health & that's not even getting into who his actual biological parents are & whenever that's revealed to him. finding out he's not really eddard stark's biological son & that he's not actually robb & arya's biological brother & that his biological father is actually rhaegar targaryen & his biological mother is lyanna stark (who while she's dead in canon, in our& main verse is still alive but she's forced to marry roose bolton after he gets to winterfell; she went back to talk to theon but ramsay bolton sacked winterfell) is gonna fucking DESTROY him. his entire arc has always been "let them say eddard stark had four sons", this will SHATTER him. & i think after his resurrection, he's gonna become way more wolfish than he already is especially bc his vows to the night's watch no longer apply. ngl he's gonna end up killing sb then fucking sb to get his grief out. having ur classic stoic fantasy byronic hero protagonist becoming physically disabled halfway thru the series would be insane especially as a visibly brownskinned indigenous man who becomes hoh & having speech issues & severe ptsd is. smth.

[fugamalefica]

Nooo! You just broke my heart, dearest, I just found out that you don’t see Christian Coulson as Tom Riddle. I admit that he looks less and less like him as the years go by (I won’t judge him based on looks because I personally think the man is HOT but that might just be me lmao), but now I have to ask what you think about favourite fancast Tom Hughes. He was clearly cast by the fandom with CC in mind but I think I’ve grasped your taste in men and he’s not it haha

I personally really like him as Tom (I REALLY like him from an aesthetical point of view, again to each their taste, but I think we can agree he’s an objectively handsome man). I think he has that coldness, that air of fake politeness, clean-shaven face that Tom Riddle had, plus those delicious evil vibes. CC is FAR less threatening, while Tom Hughes has an aura about him that matches young Tom’s. The calculating stare, the smooth way he moves his body, the poker face. He’s far too cold to play Voldemort but I digress…

Also, the British vibes. He embodies that upper-class British ideal of what a handsome man is that Tom Sn would have fit perfectly, with the high cheekbones and full lips.

Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Aw, I didn't mean to cause heartbreak. If it makes you feel better, I did see him as Tom initially but the fact that he became more and more incompatible with him the more I got into Voldemort's backstory paired with all the Tomione and Tomary shippers being obsessed with him completely ruined him for me.

And your assessment of my taste in men is so accurate because Tom Hughes is indeed not my type as far as attractiveness goes despite, as you say, being objectively handsome haha. But as far as aura goes? He is very, very fitting and much more so than CC. I can completely understand why people like him as Tom Riddle because he has the looks of Christian Coulson AND the right aura that would make a good Tom Riddle unlike CC. He can look threatening but also charming enough to manipulate people without invoking any suspicion. My reasons for not liking him are indeed purely based on aesthetics.

As for how I myself picture Tom Riddle, it varies between young Ralph Fiennes especially in this picture and a likeness of young Alain Delon. Ralph is perfect and also the hottest man alive but he can look too threatening sometimes which would make it difficult for people to trust him easily, and when he doesn't look like this, I find it difficult to see Tom in him. He is beyond perfect and ideal for how he would be with his followers though and as he was when he got older.

Delon has softer and more classic looks, perfect to charm and manipulate but he isn't someone I would actually imagine as Tom beyond some inspiration, honestly. Not only can he look too soft occasionally, but I also hate him as a person which isn't something I want interfering with my vision of Tom. I know it shouldn't have any effect because technically Tom is still completely himself no matter who I imagine him to be essentially a lookalike of lol, but still.

I think something between Delon and Ralph here would be how I picture Tom in his teens and early twenties.

Still, the worst part is that none of these men have dark brown eyes.

[philtstone]

45, Sam Wilson

#45 -- shining like fireworks lol this is way longer than it was supposed to be and also was crafted around the #25 prompt, because I can't read. but I made it work. zainab i know youve already written something like this but i wanted to try my hand at it too! my homage to the epistolatory fic...

"You made me a scrapbook for my birthday?"

Okay.

Maybe he should rewind.

Sam won't lie and say it hasn't been a rough few months. So technically, the weight of the world doesn't need to be on his shoulders. He keeps thinking he oughta take a page out of that Spider-kid's book, and just be a friendly neighborhood Cap, or something. It's just between intercontinental warhead measuring competitions (something he can say around his nephews without Sarah raising both eyebrows), dickhead suits (come on, Sarah), flying green men, and regular old food shortages in his own damn home state ... well, it's hard not to feel it all, when you care.

He used to call Bucky and bitch about things, before. Or rather -- he'd call Bucky, and Bucky would start bitching about things, which gave Sam the opening to also start bitching about things. Funny how that worked out. But they weren't even living together then. They were miles apart! Since he and Bucky got that stupid bachelor pad apartment six months ago, they've barely spent more than three consecutive minutes in each others' presence. They've both been out of the apartment for such mutually overlapping long stretches of time that every time Sam checks the fridge, the brand new carton of milk he got on the last grocery run has gone lumpy. The worst of it is, he hasn't had any chance to talk to Bucky about it properly, and there's a weird, tireder-than-usual Sam part of his brain that worries maybe this isn't the best solution to Bucky's isolation issues. Wasn't that part of the reason they decided to move in together, anyway? A solution to loneliness? Humans weren't made to live all alone, grown assed men or not, Sam thinks.

All of this is making Sam in more of a bad mood than he needs to be, given that it's his birthday.

It is his fortieth birthday, so maybe that, too, is contributing.

By rights, he should be turning forty five. That part though, Sam refuses to think about at all.

"Yeah, yeah, complain about how old you are," Bucky says, leaned too far back in his own porch chair, long legs stretched all the way out against the rail, and nursing the twin of Sam's own cool beer. "Is it 'cause you need reading glasses now?"

"Bucky," Sam grits out, because he's not sure how to communicate, I am stupidly glad you, one of my dearest friends some-fucking-how, are here, I've missed you, I really didn't expect I would this much, but also I am five seconds away from drop kicking you into a small body of water, so help me God, in a non embarrassing, well-adjusted kinda way.

"Aw, it is," says the most annoying man alive, who at one hundred and seven has the general face and physique of a particularly genetically-blessed thirty-eight year old. The fact that technically, if you do the in-and-out-of-cryo math, Bucky clocks out at two years younger than Sam is possibly the single worst fact in the universe, right now.

"Both of you shut up and let Sam finish opening his presents," says a third voice, and Sam, miffed, turns to glare at his sister, while Bucky, the bastard, is grinning like a set of cheap fireworks.

Sarah had promised that they won't do nothing big til tomorrow, and that this afternoon was just for family. Sam should've expected that meant four neighbors and three of their childhood family friends and two cousins, also, but by four pm, most people have filed out and lunch is a demolished mess of scraped-clean plates and almost empty pots on the big fold out table on the backyard porch. He's already opened AJ and Cass's humble contribution: a baseball mitt, which Uncle Sam can use to teach them baseball, much to Bucky's endless amusement ("Didn't you say baseball was an old people sport? You played baseball in school, Samuel? When you were even younger?" Yeah, he's real close to Bucky-cide, today). He knows Sarah's got him an old record player of their dad's upstairs, which he'd been planning to get fixed up all those many years ago, before their lives were torn apart; the fact that it has survived, and they have survived, makes Sam feel a certain kind of way. What Sam wasn't expecting was the lumpy, large, rectangular package that emerges from under the porch table, wrapped in brown paper and presented to him by his nephews.

"And that one's from B," Sarah says. Sam's too busy staring at it incredulously to clock the amused twinkle in his sister's eye.

"You got me a birthday present? Forreal?" Sam doesn't know if he wants to laugh or be suspicious or tear up like an idiot. Jesus, it's not like he's Bucky, getting all misty at basic kind gestures. Bucky shrugs and takes a drag from his beer.

"What, you can get me stuff, but I'm banned?"

"You're not banned, oh my God. I'm just surprised."

"I get people presents!"

"I know you do!"

"So, it's your birthday, I got you a present."

"What is it?"

"Now he's making it weird!" Bucky says, helplessly, to Sarah. AJ and Cass have started giggling.

So Sam rips off the wrapping paper, muttering to himself.

Which brings him back to an immutable, inescapable fact.

Bucky Barnes made him a scrapbook for his birthday.

"It's not a scrapbook."

"It's literally a scrapbook. Holy shit, are those stickers from Joanne's?"

"Hobby Lobby," offers AJ solemnly.

"Look, okay, it was Sarah's idea! Just read the fuckin' -- I mean, uh --"

At this point, the boys' giggles are threatening to turn medical. Sarah mouths nope, all him, from behind Bucky's chair, while Sam gapes helplessly at the shockingly neat mess of .... post it notes?

No. No way.

"You put all the annoying sticky notes you left me about the fucking soured milk in a scrapbook?"

"Oh, guys, come on!" Sarah throws her hands up in the air. "That's two in half a minute! You want these boys to grow up cursin'?"

"Half of them are yours!" Bucky points. "Which, by the way, were also annoying!" He's not quite embarrassed, but there's an airy, funny kind of laugh bubbling up behind his words at the ridiculousness of it all. Sam's feeling it too. He reaches into his pocket and takes out his reading glasses.

Bucky cracks; he chokes on his laughter, stuffing it roughly behind one metal fist; AJ has plastered himself against Sam's side and Cass is literally slumped, hiccupping, on the floor. Even Sarah's having a hard time fighting it.

Primly, Sam begins reading at a random place in the middle of the book; the note is written on an overlarge, bright blue POST-IT.

SAM. WON'T BE BACK TIL THURSDAY. PICKED UP THAT WEIRD MILK YOU LIKE FOR YOU. -JBB

Bucky, just got in. Leaving again tomorrow 0600. Hope Ross isn't being too much of a pain in the ass. Lactose free milk is a sexy modern invention, NOT weird. Its kind of gone bad tho. Did you not drink any of it???

Also, u dont have to sign post its. - Sam

I WASNT GONNA DRINK YOUR MILK. ITS YOURS. THANKS FOR TAKING OUT THE LEFTOVER TRASH, HAD TO RUN. GOT YOU MORE MILK FOR WHEN YOU GET BACK. YOU WILL DO GREAT. RIP STR MALONE A NEW ONE - JBB

I know who you are! Milks bad again. Jesus, i need a vacation. I didn't rip any senators new ones

Wanted to, tho. You keep switching burner phones so i cant text you this shit

LEAVE NOTES. THEY STICK TO THE FRIDGE NICE - JBB

Oh my God, you did not get a cat while I was gone

SHE CAN LIVE IN MY ROOM. GOT YOU MORE MILK AS A BRIBE :-)

She tore up ALL THE CURTAINS. I LIKED THOSE CURTAINS. And do your own laundry instead of getting me milk!

I DO LAUNDRY! IVE DONE YOURS THREE TIMES IN A ROW.

FUCK. MILKS GONE BAD.

You tried to drink it? What happened to its Sams milk?

Your cat peed in my shoe by the way!

IT WAS GOING BAD!!!!! -JBB

It's always goin bad!! - STW

Hey B, heard about the op from Rhodey. Im in Delacroix tmrw, come down if you can. Take care of yourself, man.

At this point, Sam stops reading. That was a couple days ago. He looks up again, pulls his glasses off. As irritable as he was earlier, there is relief in seeing Bucky perfectly in-tact, effortlessly whole. Maybe a little tired around the eyes, but Sam thinks that's maybe a detail about him that's never really gonna go away at this point. He'd been worried, yeah. Annoyed, that they hadn't talked properly before parting ways. Missing his friend and pissed off about the milk. What was the point of living with a person if you never fucking interacted, and then they got blown up?

"I can't believe you kept all of this shit," Sam manages.

Rubbing at one eye, Bucky shrugs, looks down, then up, like he's not actually embarrassed about it at all. He says, "I had to prove to my therapist I was living successfully with a roommate somehow."

Sam snorts. After a beat, Bucky adds, "Hadn't had a roommate in years. It would've been weird to throw them out."

Yeah, Sam thinks. Yeah.

"Hey, man," Sam says, while Sarah (still chuckling), begins cleaning up the plates on the table with Cass's help. "I missed you too." Bucky smiles -- "You better tell me where you found that mangy stray cat, though."

At which point Bucky's mouth drops open in what is apparently mortal offense, and the rest of Sam's birthday is spent arguing over viable pet names for the tiny white demon kitten from hell.