#i was doing work insurance stuff last night and had to fill out so many of those and i got so fucking frustrated

[thetreeturnedoff]

i hate security questions so much. they're always things like "what's your favorite movie" or "what's your least favorite food" or "what's your best friend's name" and like. i can't guarantee that the answer i give will always be accurate?? a year from now my favorite food may have changed. my current best friend and i may have had a falling out. and what then? the answers are no longer accurate and i might not be able to answer them, and then i'm locked out.

i also see one asking about my father's middle name a lot, and he doesn't have one. and idk my paternal grandmother's first name because she doesn't go by it, and i'm not married and i don't have kids and i can't remember how my childhood best friend's name is spelled so the majority of security question options i can't even answer. they're always either subject to change or about stuff i haven't experienced and yet they're everywhere and always required. they're evil and i hate them

[self-loathing-angel-of-thursday2]

Beautiful Spouse’s Rewatch Thoughts SPN 04x17

It’s a Terrible Life

This is a fun episode for me because Dean is soooooooooo gay in this one.

Spouse is also extra bitchy today because we ran out of the soda he prefers, and he is craving  b u b b l e s. 

Pointed out the Ken outfit

“Pretty dapper dude” “Are we only following Dean? Please tell me that’s the case” “Oh he’s typing” “oh my god. What?” To the Project Runway joke

“Eating fkn salad, really?” “Do we know that guy yet?” “What a fuck. Cayenne and maple syrup?” Spouse didn’t understand the health club reference

“Who’s going to shoot up the internet?” “hahah” “What do you need pencils for?” “Never trust coworkers. They’re all a bunch of conniving cunts” “What a cunt” (the coworker) “Is this a printer company or something? Sam’s in tech support, and Dean is in sales” “What is he not into? Hmm?” “That’s not too much forward than he is already” “Is this guy’s brain to explode? It would be easier to repeat the work at this point. He’s been there all day and all night now” “Is he going to jump off the building now? Stab a fork in his eye? Get possessed?” “OH YEAH. He fries his head. That’s extreme” “Fries are done” “Why the fuck is he on the same floor as tech support?” “Everybody’s getting possessed” “Vista? How does that have to do with filling out a form?” “Jump out the window? Where is he going?” “Oh shit” “That’s a lot of mess” “You’d have to be pretty accurate to do that. Or wholly unlucky. One or the other” “Since when do you need help, Dean?” “This episode has Deja Vu vibes from Mystery Spot. It’s not like that one but it has vibes” “Why does he have so many pictures of bridges in his office?” “Oh my god. Is that one of Jared’s supplements?” “Just 2 guys in a bathroom. It’s not like the health club bro” “Do you mean super natural?” “I like Dean’s chair” “Look at all this shit I printed out about vampires!!” “to satisfy yourself? Save it for the health club bro” “Is there going to be a red swing line stapler anywhere?” “Oh. You’re dead now, sucker” “Man. Leasing space is so expensive. How do they have the money to have this room filled with old telephones and shit? Doesn’t make sense” “Do kids these days even experience TV static?” “How did he know to grab iron?” “Why does Dean have a part in his hair?” “Is he drinking wine? No, it’s that piss stuff” “Oh Sandover is iron and bridge company hence all the bridges” “The video quality is shit in this episode” “A Bowflex? Holy shit Dean has a Bowflex. AND SPA TOWELS.” “Oh my god” “Creepy” “Oof.” “Whoopsie” Laughing at Dean talking about his portfolio

“The camera had an 8-bladed aperture. Look at that bokeh” “little gay bokeh boy” “oh my god that’s funny” burny acid not LSD acid

“This is before the Ghostfacers got annoying. I did think it was really cheesy at first but it became endearing over time” “They always light Jensen’s face way better than anyone else” “the fuck kinda saying is that?” “What is this phone shit on his belt?” “Was there a 13th floor in this building? Yes. Only really old buildings skipped that floor” “Are you going to let this guard get you that easily?” “So he wasn’t possessed while being a dick?” “Doesn’t he get cut in half? That’s awesome” “They’re focusing on him being slow too much” “nice” I flinched even though I knew it was coming “Is that what you don’t like about this episode? It’s just raspberry sauce” “clearly not worried about blood borne diseases” “They’re like old dry leather gloves. They won’t burn that quickly. They need an accelerant.” “They did use something. They sometimes use it for expense in other shows” laughed at the workout comment

Laughed at the health insurance thing “That’s what angels are for bro” “Did someone knock them out and put them in a dream state or something?” “Bobby, Ellen, and Jo? Really??” but he wants to be a corporate douchebag with his gay little outfits

“Pal. Fkn cranked an eyebrow hard at him. Make those eyebrows work” “That one eyebrow did the job of two” “I can’t remember the last time I used a pencil. Is that sad?” There’s a last time for everything

“Destruction of company property” “No one is asking where he got the fire poker?” “Is his name Ezekiel?” “Is there a western Great Lakes division? If so, I’d imagine the Eastern Great Lakes is pretty small” “Dean is going to have to amp up the sexy outfits to get up the chain faster” “Oh he’s Zachariah.” “Who directed the fkn shit out of this one?” “Literally Ken Business Man, and he’s in Sales and Marketing” I found the Ken doll outfit online

“He’s not strong enough? He’s gotta go to that health club more often” “what’s that supposed to mean?” “I don’t understand”

[fledglingmaster]

Three weeks, three, without my full dose of SNRI.

There needs to be a better way to do this. Every year we are going to go through this all over again because insurance doesn't approve expensive medication for life. No in a year I might just magically be cured of fibromyalgia and my brain decides to work right. *sigh* I have jumped through all the hoops. I have tried every medication that is currently used for fibromyalgia. I have been on multiple antidepressants. It is well documented this is the only medication that helps my depression. Just as it is well documented that I have tried every treatment for migraines except that new thirty minute IV one that's extremely expensive and neuromodulation.

Every year insurance wants the exact same paperwork we sent over to get approved in the first place with. Shouldn't that be on file already? Isn't a doctor saying, "yes, patient responds well to this treatment and we want to continue it," enough? Why is the wait time so long for a medication that has been approved in the past? I can understand all the obstacles while trying to get initial approval. If something cheaper works insurance would rather shell out for that, I get it. But I did my part, I suffered through all those trials, my doctors have done their parts too. Why is this a year occurrence? They don't dispute any of my cheap medication. I'm not the one setting the price of my meds. I would love if the cheap stuff worked! My body is very drug resistant and as I never shut up about, it is wired wrong.

The pharmacy holds my prescription, even if I got some emergency funds out and attempted to pay myself. They won't fill it until they get the okay. They also can't spare you anything to tide you over, I understand that is a legal issue. But that's where there should be a process, one month before the coverage expires, insurance should say, "hey send us those papers." Then while it's processing you still get your next month's worth of meds and bam, you never had any interruption of medication because it's approved before you need your next refill.

I've noticed a shift in our mood lately. Bleu has been getting really down. I've lost track of how many times he's cried the past couple weeks. Today it was out of nowhere. Literally everything was fine and he fell to pieces. Very reminiscent of how we were unmedicated...I don't like that. It's not normal crying, it's full-on sink to the earth wailing and it can last for an hour or more. Worse yet, it happens multiple times a day without a prompt. Not only is it uncomfortable for everyone around, but it seems very harmful to our well-being. This isn't the letting emotions out kind of cry but ramping them up worse. Bleu has alerted me to where he is mentally, it's not great. I'm just glad Lilith is leaving him alone for now. He does not need any ideas. Thankfully I'm grounded enough that I can remind him it's that we're off our meds and this will be fixed soon. It's temporary.

Last night I got a bit dizzy but today...what boat am I on and how do I get off? I'm certain I would come off as intoxicated but what is really happening is neurologic issues and beginning stages of withdrawal. It's difficult to keep my balance, my muscles keep locking up, I'm having brain shocks, we're highly emotional, a mess. I took our normal afternoon dose as our meds should be in tomorrow and we need them. It's clear we can barely function without our medication. I truly believe if we were not put on it when we were we would not be alive currently. I know I shouldn't complain, I have known others that get their meds interrupted every few months. We're lucky it's only once a year. But that gap shouldn't happen to anyone.

[cazort]

I think a lot of people who shit on landlords either have never had a half-decent landlord, or have never owned their own house.

I rented from one landlord for 8 years; it was a large apartment complex, and I loved it. It is definitely my favorite place I had ever lived at that point in my life. It wasn't perfect, there were dents and scratches and sometimes the maintenance crew would be slow to fix minor problems. They were responsive on important stuff though, like if your heat was broken, or if there was a leak, they'd be out immediately, even at night or on weekends. The rent increased slower than inflation, and, although I was never late on rent, a couple of my friends who were late once or twice said the office was really generous working with them and accommodating them. They also periodically upgraded things without me having to ask. At one point, they replaced all our windows with new windows. They also renovated our bathroom and gave us a new floor, tub, and toilet, leaving the sink intact. They offered to upgrade our kitchen cabinets, which we declined because we preferred the current ones to the disruption it would cause to upgrade them. Oh, and the landlord also had free internet included in rent. And on top of that there were all these perks: a gym, a courtyard with fertile soil where we could have vegetable gardens and picnic tables to hang out, and a common area indoors where we could host group events or just hang out.

Now that I live in a house, there is literally SOOO much work that used to be handled by the landlord, that I have to do myself.

Last night, it snowed. We had to shovel our walk and driveway ourselves. We have a leak in our upstairs sink. We have to call a plumber and schedule a time for them to come out and fix it. We had an issue with our heat, and we needed to do the same for HVAC companies. We have to pay every utility ourselves: water, gas (heat), electricity, and trash pickup, and internet. We have to put the trash and recycling out on the curb on the correct days, and then take it back. On top of this, we had to manage our relationship to the lender when we bought the house, in our case a bank; it was a really complicated process to get the loan, tons of paperwork and involved reviewing our credit history. We had to shop for and buy home insurance, and now we have a payment that includes the mortgage payment, insurance, and property taxes.

Much of this stuff is work, like many, many hours of work. And like...when I factor all the hours of work I put into doing this stuff, it makes me realize that I was getting a lot of value out of renting.

When I look at the dollar values involved, it actually seems a very fair deal. Since buying our house, we've spent many thousands of dollars on plumbing, HVAC, and other odd work. This sort of stuff was all included in rent.

I understand that there are horrible landlords out there who are incredibly exploitative of their tenants. I have rented from one; the situation was so extreme, after I had moved out, he not only kept my security deposit, but for months, he would call me every day and leave a message threatening to sue me saying he had renewed the lease for a year and was going to collect rent. (He never did, it was just empty threats, I talked to other former tenants and learned that he was doing this with other people and had even been illegally collecting double rent after one tenant had broken the lease and then the landlord filled it immediately but still collected rent from the old tenant.) So yeah, some landlords do incredibly shady stuff.

But there is nothing inherently wrong with landlords.

I think my most recent landlord actually helped me to build wealth. By keeping the rent low and raising it less than inflation, by managing the property efficiently, the landlord managed his own wealth and then passed on savings to all the tenants, who enjoyed a cheap, pleasant, functional place to live with all sorts of amenities. By living there cheaply for years, I was able to save money for a large down payment on a house, which helped us to afford a good house even in the really tight and difficult housing market with high interest rates.

People need to learn to distinguish between "landlords" and "bad landlords". And also, realize, that scams and exploitation can exist in all different aspects of life. You can get ripped off by someone selling a house who hides or lies about serious problems with it, or house developers who build shoddily-made new houses that look great when initially sold but develop serious problems over time. Landlords are like anyone, they provide a service and many of them do an excellent job and can help their tenants to build wealth by providing them housing that is affordable and trouble-free.

Lastly, people also need to understand that the relative affordability of renting vs. owning can be really different in different cities. When I lived in Philadelphia, buying a house was really unaffordable, to the point that it would be pretty much impossible to find a house where your monthly payment was equivalent to or less than what you would have to pay to rent a similar-quality space. And then you have all the additional costs on top of that. Other places I've lived have been the other way around; like when I was living in Cleveland, Ohio in the early 2000's, the market heavily favored buying, to the point where you could get really nice houses so cheaply, but rents were only somewhat cheaper than in pricier east-coast cities. So you would often pay a lot less if you bought.

Part of the reason for this is that housing prices reflect not only what the housing is worth at the moment, but the change in the value. In a rust belt city like Cleveland, the long-term trend is not great, which makes housing affordable, since people don't buy as an investment as much and are mainly paying just to live there, whereas in an east-coast city like Philadelphia, the upward trend is much higher. So if you're only living there short-term, you can be much better off renting.

Please make yourself aware of these things because I have seen people end up in bad situations because they think home ownership is like this magic path to wealth, whereas renting is a formula to stay poor, and this is just not true at all. It's all about your situation, factors like how the housing market is in the city you're in, how long you plan on living there, and also just the details of what your particular housing situation is like. There are both good deals and bad deals alike when it comes to landlords and renting, and home ownership.

[quarantinegirls]

January 2nd

Today, I woke up at 7:30 to FaceTime a friend in China. We were neighbors, became good friends in middle school, and would often copy each other's homework on the morning bus to make up for lost sleep. She is now a dentist, been married for a year, and working on her third degree. We chatted and laughed from our bellies. Towards the end, she moved her phone camera to the pillow, and there was her husband, soundly asleep like a happy rock.

I got up, made coffee, had a simple breakfast, and took care of some digital chores - insurance, emails, fun stuff that you suddenly get the urge to take care of on January 2nd.

I then went for a quick walk in the snow, came back and spent an indulgent 50 minutes to do yoga. My back and shoulders stretched to the point of soreness, and my thighs and core tightened and burned during chair pose.

Slightly sweaty, I heated up a quick lunch of leftover pasta and chicken drumsticks. I tried to savor every bite while waiting in an online chat for a Geico agent to get back to me about something.

A text popped up. A deep, time-sensitive question about relationships from a close friend. I call, we talk for an hour.

I fill up the tub while finishing dishes that managed to accumulate before dinnertime. Picked a book and hopped into the bath. I let the hot water carry me away with the words on the page.

Today was the last day of the Christmas-NewYears-winterpotato amalgamation vacation. I never know how to feel or what to do at the end of vacations: it seems that no matter what, there would be a brief moment of dread and resignation, with a sprinkle of preemtpive nostalgia. That maybe instead of staying occupied to avoid it, I should embrace it. Let it wash over me, fully immerse in it, even braise in it a little bit, and emerge a ready person for whatever lies ahead.

I remember a similar feeling from school at the end of vacations, but in school, I could get excited about seeing friends all the time, whereas, just two nights ago, I had the biggest FOMO watching all the NYE parties on Instagram and seriously doubted if I was a loser for never having spent NYE drunk or with friends before.

Usually, I try to write something - anything - for the conclusion of a year and for the beginning of a new one. But 2022 felt inconclusive in an oddly good way. It was the first year I felt stretched by small crises, the first year adulthood found a way to wrestle with my psyche, the first year I fell deeper in love with someone instead of falling out of it, and the first year I made a career move.

In 2022, I had been deeply lost and depressed, bitterly homesick and confused. I had spiritual highs and I cried so many times while praying. I tied my career to some of the biggest identity questions, so I searched, asked, doubted myself, searched and asked again. And though I'm still in that cycle, I'm not panicking anymore, I'm just trying to enjoy the beautiful views along the way while making sure every footstep I put down is in good faith.

So how could I write a 2022 summary for myself? It feels like something is just starting to unfold, like when the trailers finish and the lights go out, and the real movie is about to begin.

Tonight, I labored over two pounds of potatoes and leeks to nurse a creamy potato soup with homemade chicken stock, browned then roasted Cajun chicken, and recreated one of my childhood favorites: stir-fry Chinese squash with dried shrimps. It's snowing again in Denver, and I'm finally learning to like it.

-R

[bigskydreaming]

I kinda wanna fucking scream, so here, have a offline bullshit rant post.

So I’ve literally been trying to get my stupid fucking meds for over a MONTH now at this point, which I’m sure you can all see like, my mood is just wooooonderful these days. Not an excuse, casual reminder that yeah you do gotta take care of your own space so if my mood is dragging anyone down, I’m totes on board with blocking or unfollowing or y’know, burning me in effigy or something. Okay maybe not that last part. But still. You get it. And its not even that like, I need mood stabilizers per se, lol, so shout out to the armchair diagnosticians helpfully peppering my inbox still in their quest to oh so slickly be like ‘hey you’re a hot mess, take your hot messness away from tumblr’ like lol, didn’t ask.....nah, its mostly the perpetual lack of sleep and chronic pain issues that I have zero distraction from when my specific combo of meds isn’t able to let me actually weaponize my ADHD properly and power through that. Its a whole thing. Whatever. Just go with it.

POINT IS. So I’ve been trying to do this for over a month now, first obstacle was even just getting the money together for my refill appointment which is a whopping $150, because I have to pay out of pocket for mental health stuff these days because I had to switch my insurance over to something that paid out more heavily for physical benefits like my jaw surgery.....and because of the pandemic, and how many psychiatrists in my area and that I could actually reach aren’t taking new patients during the pandemic since most of them are conducting business virtually still, like, I have barely any resources for seeking out and trying new psychiatrist offices in the meanwhile that might charge less and I’m kinda stuck with the one I have because the last thing I can afford is to have like, NO psychiatrist at the moment, y’know?

So first I had to have that to even BOOK the appointment, which took forever because rent and food are a joy to accrue when you can barely manage to function as an actual employee of the capitalist machine ahfsklhflkahflakf, but so then I did that and like, got an appointment put on the books for August 19th. That was the soonest they could fit me in back when I paid them for my appointment about a week and a half ago. No, two weeks ago now? Eh, time is fake. ANYWAY, so that wasn’t gonna work for me, so basically the entirety of last week was devoted to constantly calling and trying to check in every other hour to see if they had any sooner cancellations I could take, because for whatever fucking reason, they just ‘don’t do’ a cancellation list wherein they call the next person on the list once they have a cancellation. Whatever.

So finally got a cancellation slot with a virtual appointment last Saturday night at random as fuck 8:40. Okay cool. Most of my refills are fairly simple, no real changes, but two are controlled substances so like, they have to do their due diligence and go through the proper protocols before giving me another prescription to one or whatever. Fine. Okay.

So I call the CVS they sent the prescription for my ADHD med to, the very next morning. One of the controlled substances, and the key med to like....making me functional instead of a rambling disjointed whirlibird of a thought emitter. Problem is, that medication is on back order. Won’t be in until Tuesday. Ugh. Okay, fine. Nothing I can do about it, because while the specific provider I spoke to in order to GET my refill prescriptions was taking an appointment the night before, the actual offices that schedule appointments and connect patients through to their providers was closed for the weekend, so I couldn’t even ask for them to send the scrip somewhere else.

SO. I go back to the CVS on Monday, hoping that maybe it came in early because not like I can do much else in the meanwhile. Course its not there, but oh well. I toy with the idea of calling to ask my provider to send the scrip to a different pharmacy (only had it sent to this one cuz its within walking distance to me, and since I can’t drive for medical reasons and Uber’s are expensive as fuck, just for errands, like, even though walking is sooooo not fun for me physically, like it is what it is). I decide against it because here’s another fun fact about this controlled substance....for security reasons, pharmacies don’t have to tell people over the phone if they have it in stock or not. Like, they won’t just say no we don’t have it in stock - I mean, they WILL say that, but that doesn’t actually mean anything because that’s what most of them say about that particular medication no matter whether or not they DO, and then just cite security protocols, so you have to actually GO to the store in question to ask them and even get a real answer to whether or not they even HAVE it in stock to FILL a prescription if its sent over. And no, the provider won’t just send scrips into several different pharmacies at once and just be whichever has it in stock can fill it - because again, controlled substance.

SO. I decide its not worth it to try getting the scrip sent over somewhere else, because I’d have to at least waste money on an Uber to even travel to various pharmacies and even check if they CAN fill it sooner than this one, when at least this place will have it in tomorrow. Its just one more day at this point.

Except then I go back on Tuesday. Oh sorry, don’t know why that other person told you we’d have our order in today, our shipments of that medication don’t come in until Wednesdays.

So I go back Wednesday. Success! They have it in stock. I go to pay, pulling out my goodRx coupon that was just printed out that morning, specifically citing the price for CVS at Target. The pharmacy manager says sorry, we don’t honor that coupon here for controlled substances like this one. I say: record scratch? He’s like yeah, that’s at the discretion of individual pharmacies, and we don’t honor that price for this specific medication, because we don’t want to attract customers only coming here to get that medication filled for that price. (This pharmacy is right at the edge of Inglewood and Culver City, for anyone who is familiar with those neighborhoods. The implications are exactly as they appear to be). So I’m like, what’s the regular generic price? He quotes me something that’s $180 more than the coupon, and thus $180 more than I have since I was focused totally on getting THIS amount ASAP, so I could get these meds so I could do more work and make more money. You see the train of thought. I’m like well that’s awesome, I don’t have anything close to that. Hey. Weird question. Why did nobody I talked to the past three days in a row that I’ve walked into this store in person to request this refill, like, mention this little tidbit about not honoring this coupon so instead of waiting for a backorder that would do me no good, I could have been spending that time having my prescription transferred somewhere that WOULD honor it?

He’s like, well did you mention to any of them that you’d be using a goodRx coupon for this particular medication? I said, yup. He said, you sure? I said well the specific process each time was I came in, I asked if this medication was in, they said what’s your name and date of birth, I provided that info, they said are you paying out of pocket, we don’t have valid insurance info for this on file for you, I said yup paying out of pocket with a goodRx coupon, they said *clickety clack of the keyboard* nope, sorry, we won’t have this medicine in until Tuesday, I mean Wednesday. 

He’s like, well you must be misremembering or they would have told you at the time that we don’t take GoodRx coupons on this medication. I’m like, dude, it was you. It was literally you that I spoke to two of those three times, right here at the counter, in person. I’m gonna go ahead and trust my memory of those interactions and what was said there over yours since you don’t actually remember having talked to me two times in the last three days. He’s like, I gotta go help another customer. There is no other customer. I leave. Fun day for everyone.

So then I call around town to at least check which CVS will actually honor the coupon I have and the price that I can afford to pay it at. I don’t bother asking if they even have the medication in stock because I know its not guaranteed to be a CORRECT answer, but at least I can see who accepts this damn coupon. Also, reason I’m only trying big brand pharmacies instead of smaller, hole in the wall ones is because again, controlled substance, and I know from experience that the bigger brand pharmacies are at least more likely to have that med in stock whereas most smaller ones tend to run out very quickly as they usually only get enough for their existing/regular customers and a little extra.

I find a CVS five miles away - not walkable, gonna have to Uber. Call my psychiatrist office again to ask them to transfer the scrip, front office says they’ll send the request to my provider, who usually checks and fulfills such requests in 24-48 hours. I’m like okay cool, can I get a phone call to let me know when that happens, so at least I know when to check back to follow up if it hasn’t happened yet for whatever reason? They’re like no, the pharmacy will send you a text or call when they get the prescription sent over and you can take it from there with them. I’m like okay, but I’ve done this a bunch of times and know from experience the pharmacy does NOT in fact always call or text, so is there a certain time to follow up to inquire if the provider has already sent the scrip and the pharmacy SHOULD have it by now or if the delay is on the provider’s end? Front office is like yeah no. I’m like, swell.

So that was yesterday. I call the pharmacy (which I still don’t even know if they have the medication IN STOCK to fill the scrip even once they GET the scrip, and won’t until I can actually Uber out there, but one thing at a time at this point) at like 9 pm, they’re a 24 hour pharmacy, and they’re like nope, we got nothing (this is after spending an hour and a half on hold to even TALK to someone at the pharmacy). Called them again today at noon, still nada. Technically I have another 29 hours before the window in which the provider is supposed to send the refill scrip to this new location, before I can be like, okay so they still haven’t done it, can we send him a nudge or another request. The 24-48 hour window will only actually EXPIRE after their offices close on Friday meaning it’ll be Monday before I can even actually REACH someone again to ask them to send the scrip again, if the pharmacy hasn’t ACTUALLY gotten it by Friday night, and pessimistically, I’m not super inclined to assume that they will at this point. 

I’m antsy, irritable, hungry because I don’t even know for SURE sure if the new pharmacy will ACTUALLY honor the coupon or say no sorry we don’t do that here either, whoever told you that was wrong, or if they’ll even actually have it in stock versus I’ll have to have it sent somewhere else AGAIN, so I have to pinch every penny possible in order to ensure I have the most money possible once my prescription IS filled in case the price is more than I expected again or in case I have to take Ubers there or further than I expected or basically....shit happens that I don’t expect. And this is what I’m basically spending all my time doing instead of working, because trying to get work done in this state is like....the harder I try to make it happen, the less it actually gets done, so I try and prioritize this and its roadblock after roadblock dragging out and wasting my time, and like yeah, I can post and shit while I’m doing this aka sitting on hold or walking around town trying to get shit filled because its fine if I ramble incoherently along the way in posts, but actual WORK work requires like....fucking coherency and succinctness and not having to stop and start every five minutes to call someone else, and oh yeah, being able to power through migraine spikes. And just.

I’m very annoyed about anything and everything to do with this shit. The hoops you have to jump through to even get the stuff that like....actualizes your hoop jumping ability, is just....*gnashing of teeth*

Anyway. So that’s my offline bullshit rant. Yay. The end.

[amelialincoln]

We're Still Standing

She hadn't realized she had fallen asleep until she was being shaken aggressively out of subconsciousness. Amelia opened her eyes drowsily and realized immediately how cold she was. It took her a minute to adjust to the dim light illuminating from the lantern that hung beside the swing on the porch.

“What the hell are you doing? I was worried sick.” Her boyfriend’s familiar voice rang from above her and she felt his warm, oversized jacket wrap around her shivering frame. Amelia blinked at him, trying to recall why she was on Meredith’s front deck. Oh shit.

“I’m so sorry,” she slurred, shaking her head out of its daze. “I drove to Mer’s out of habit and I must’ve passed out.”

“We’ve been living in the apartment for two weeks.” His tone was firm and he stretched out a hand to pull her off the uncomfortable wooden swing. “Did you--” She knew what he was going to say before he had the chance to finish.

“No, no, I’ve actually barely been thinking about it since I started working again. I think my body is just still adjusting to the long hours.” She accepted his hand and glanced at her dim phone screen. It read 2:50am. No wonder he seemed so shaken up. She bit her lip, trying to hide her guilt.

“Oh, really?” He paused, trying to find the right words, cautious as always. “You seemed like you were struggling with it a bit while we were living at Mer’s.”

“I haven’t taken that much time off work since I was an intern, other than when I was using,” she explained as he opened the car door for her. “My sobriety depends on being able to fill my time with things I’m passionate about. I’m just getting back to feeling like myself again.”

“Okay…” Link replied, shutting the door gently and climbing into the driver’s seat. He pulled out of Mer’s driveway and waited until they were on the freeway. “So this has nothing to do with the conversation we had last night?” She was almost taken aback by how well he knew her. After spending almost every second together, over the last couple of months, she could barely keep anything from him without Link somehow noticing when something was wrong.

“It's just kind of a lot to put on someone,” she muttered.

“What do you mean?” He asked, glancing at his girlfriend who was twisting pieces of her chocolate brown hair nervously.

“It’s just that the expectation of me to be popping out your babies all the time is a bit overwhelming,” she glanced out the window as Link merged into their usual exit. “I just got back to work, Link.”

“Hey, I’m sorry. I was just getting excited. I didn’t mean like now.” He placed a soft hand on her thigh and felt her relax slightly. “We talked about having other kids a lot while we were at Meredith’s. I’m sorry if I jumped into the future too quickly.”

“Meredith’s was a different time. I was really hormonal and barely had time to actually process what was happening.” She forced a grin which made him raise an eyebrow.

“Well, how many of our conversations and decisions were made when you were hormonal?” He turned to look at her and watched her gaze fall. “All that stuff about marriage and houses and massive backyards?” He was dancing around the four kids that she had specifically outlined to him as her preference.

“Link, you and Scout are enough for me. I don’t need anything else.”

“Don’t need or don’t want?” He asked as he pulled into his apartment’s parkade. “Those are two very different things, Amelia.”

“Can we talk about this in the morning? I’m not thinking straight right now,” she answered honestly.

“Yeah, whatever you want.”

[][][]

Amelia was awoken the next morning to Scout being placed on her bare chest. Sun streamed in through the shutters of their third story bedroom and the glittering light from the ocean reflected like shards of glass on the white walls of the room. Link’s apartment was utter perfection, with a perfect view of Elliott bay and situated on a central, but not too busy, street close to downtown. It made her question why he was itching to move out so fast and start building the house he’d been fantasizing about for the last couple of weeks.

“Hi baby,” she smiled as Scout’s blue eyes stared up at her sleepily. He was always the most cuddly in the morning and she shifted to a position where he was able to wrap his pudgy arm around her neck. “Where’s your Dadda?” As if on cue Link strolled into the bright room, his long hair was disheveled and his face wore a hint of exhaustion. Probably from being up all night searching for her, she realized. He held two steaming mugs of coffee and the scent hit her forcefully as he held it under her chin for her to take a small sip.

“He’s been missing you a lot lately.” He lowered himself onto their bed gently and placed both of the mugs on the side table. “Ma ma, ma ma, all day long.” She laughed at his decent impression of Scout’s latest attempts at talking. “You think with all the time he’s spent with Dadda,” he spoke the word loudly at his giggling son, “He’d start liking me at least half as much as you,” Link joked.

“Mama’s boy.” Amelia shrugged, pressing a kiss to the top of her baby boy’s head and suppressing a yawn.

“Bailey texted you not to come in because neuro is slow today but she put you on call. I turned off your alarm. Thought you might need the rest.” He explained, his voice free of judgment. “You also got a call from our health insurance place. Our plans are ending in a week and we’ve still got some credit so I called the pharmacy to renew your birth control prescription. I noticed your pack this month was almost finished.”

“Oh,” she turned to face him, suddenly reminded that she needed to take her pill. “Yeah...thank you.”

“No problem.” He shrugged. “I can probably pick it up sometime today.” He handed her the cup of coffee, reading her thoughts before she could even ask for it and watched as she swallowed the tiny pill down.

“Link, it’s--” “Fine,” he shrugged. “I don’t have any expectations of you, Amelia. I know you went through a lot with Owen,” he made a face she didn’t recognize before taking a large gulp out of his own mug and clearing his throat. “I don’t want to make you feel trapped or obligated to fulfill my own selfish desires. It’s your choice and I’m not going anywhere...unless you want me to,” he paused, allowing her space to speak if she wanted to before continuing. “I was an only child and it was tough. It would’ve helped to have a sibling to lean on during my parent’s divorce and I guess that’s my own stuff that I should probably work through instead of pushing you into a situation that you don’t want to be in. I’ve seen you go through hell with your sisters and I understand where you are coming from. Most of all, I’d never want to force you to quit the thing you love doing the most. I also think that would be doing a disservice to the world because my girlfriend is a freaking superhero and she’s got hundreds upon hundreds of people to still save. So can we just pretend that everything I selfishly said to you didn’t happen? Cause I usually don’t like to talk everything out but I was up all night trying to put how I was feeling into words and I still feel like I did a shitty job.” “Now you know how I feel all the time,” she laughed, slipping her hand into his and wishing she could erase the stress that was radiating from him. “Screwing up while trying to get my point across is my specialty.”

“That’s not true, you’re one of the most well spoken people I know.” Link rolled his eyes, taking another sip of his coffee and looking a little bit more relaxed.

“There’s a lot of people who would say otherwise,” Amelia joked, pulling their duvet up to Scout’s shoulders as he began to fall asleep on her chest. “You weren’t being selfish,” she finally sighed. “If anyone’s not being fair it's me. I feel like my mind is switching up on me a hundred times a day. Since I’ve had the tumor I find myself constantly second guessing myself, trying to figure out what I want. Some days all I want is to be a mom. I feel like having Scout has made me become a better person and a better surgeon and I wouldn’t change that for the world. I don’t regret having him for even a second. Every single part of me loves him...and you. To the point where when I am at work, where I am usually at my happiest, I still find myself missing the both of you. Which scares me because there’s never been a doubt in my mind at work that I’m not exactly where I want to be. And I know for a fact that if we were to have another baby, or two or three, that I would find myself not being able to compromise between my love for operating and my love for my family. I know I would have to choose. And I don't think that I can. At least not right now.” Link nodded his head in understanding. “But when I can, you’ll be the first to know,” She laughed, causing him to grin.

“Well, I would hope so.” He rolled his eyes, pulling her closer to him gently, careful not to wake their sleeping son before pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere, Mia, and I'm not going to force you into anything. So for the love of god, stop running and just tell me how you feel because it's going to take a whole lot more than not wanting another baby right now to scare me off."

[elianamarie-blog]

The Things You Give Part 2 Steven Hyde x Reader

Author’s Note: I hope you really enjoyed Part 1! Here is part 2 and I’ll put a link to access part 1 if it’s your first time being here. Leave a heart and subscribe to my blog if you want more! Thank you and stay safe, folks. 

Warnings: None

Part 1 here: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/elianamarie-blog

The next morning, Y/N found herself waking up at noon. She cursed at herself because she hated waking up late knowing her day was now gone, but at least it’s Saturday and her day off from work. She dragged herself out of bed and trudged her way down into the kitchen where she was greeted with Red, Kitty, Steven, and Eric eating lunch at the table.

           “Well, good morning, sunshine,” Kitty greeted, looking up from her glass of lemonade. “Or should I say ‘afternoon?’”

           Y/N yawned as she plopped herself in a chair across from her mother. “I was up late last night.”

           “Doing what?” Red questioned like she didn’t have any good excuse.

            Y/N eternally cursed herself as her eyes flitted towards Hyde’s wide ones for a split second. She didn’t think this through. “I-I just couldn’t sleep. Tossing and turning.”

           “Again?” Kitty asked. “This has been happening for the last couple months. You might be suffering from insomnia. At first I thought it was because of your finals and looking for colleges, but this has gone longer than that. You might have insomnia.”

           She chuckled to herself, relieved. “Yeah, probably do.” She grabbed a sandwich from the middle of the table and at the bag of chips, dumping it on her plate.

           “Eric, what’s your plan for today?” Red asked.

           “Well, since I’m on my one year of doing nothing, I’m going to answer with nothing,” he responded with no emotion in his voice.

           “Wrong,” Red answered harshly, like he normally does when he spoke to Eric. “You’re going to trim the hedges, sweep the driveway, and fix the dent on the Vista Cruiser.”

           “Dad, that’s like eighty bucks!” Eric cried. “I don’t have that kind of money.”

           “Then it looks like you’re going to have to get a job!” Red said.

           “But that just interferes with my plan!”

           “Exactly,” Red responded slowly. “If you’re going to live in my house you will do as I say. Or you can drive around town with that big ass dent.”

           Eric thought it over for a split second before pointing at Red. “Can’t Y/N pay for it? She has a job.”

           “No!” he said. “She’s not the one who put the dent there.”

           “Neither did I!” Eric argued. “Mr. Fitzgerald ran into me.”

           “And don’t worry, I already talked to him, but unfortunately our insurance won’t cover it. So it falls on you to replace it.”

           “This totally blows, man. I’d rather drive around town with the dent.”

           Red rolled his eyes at his son and turned to face him fully. “Why can’t you be like your sister? She got a job straight out high school working at the bridal store, applied for college in Denver, and has her life planned out. While you sit there eating my food, taking up my heat, taking up space, being a no-good bum.”

           “Red, honey, that’s enough,” Kitty interjected. “Let’s just enjoy our lunch.”

           “Dad, I only stayed because of your heart attack!” He shot back at his ill-tempered father. “You know, to take care of you guys. I could be in Madison right now.”

           “And that’s worked out great so far, hasn’t it?” Red spat.

           “You’re so ungrateful!” Eric said, clearly hurt. “Why can’t you just say ‘thank you’ for once?”

           “I would if you just do something around the house,” he responded, his voice raising. “Pick up on household chores, work and bring a paycheck home, help your mother out, take me to doctors appointments. Anything other than sitting around all day playing you’re your toys.”

           “Red, you’re going to give yourself another heart attack,” Kitty informed him. “You need to calm down.”

           Red put his hands up. “Fine, fine. But I want those chores done today, Eric. And if you half-ass it, I’m going to make you do it all over again, plus cleaning out the gutters and fixing the leak under the bathroom sink.”

           Eric grunted. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

           Red nodded, pleased he won the argument and turned back to his meal. It was silent for a moment, the air thick with tension. Hyde and Y/N just sat there, eating quietly and stiffened. Well, not so much Hyde because it was always amusing seeing Red yell at Eric, but for Y/N it was different. Even though she was used to the constant fighting, their argument had never been this intense.

           “So,” Kitty said, clearing her throat, trying to ease the conversation. “Steven, how’s work going?”

           “Oh, you know, working at the kitchen is great,” he said, taking a chip to his mouth. “Ever since Kelso and Eric left, things have been pretty quiet. We hired a new server so it makes things a little easier.”

           Kitty beamed proudly at him. “I’m glad to hear it. What about you, dear?” she asked turned to Y/N .

           “It’s good,” she responded. “Helping brides pick out their dresses. It’s nice and easy.”

           “Well, good,” Kitty replied and patted her hand. “I’m so proud of you. Although, you’re going to have to leave me to go to Denver.” Her smile turned into a sad one and her voice cracked.

           “Mom, I haven’t even been accepted yet,” Y/N responded, trying to comfort her mother. “Who knows, I might end up going to the college in Kenosha or staying to go to the community college here.”

           Hyde sat up a little straighter, hope filling him.

           “Have you applied to them?” Red asked.

           “Well, I applied to Denver first and then if I didn’t get in, I was going to apply to Kenosha. If that didn’t work out, then the community college here since I can just go sign up.”

           Red beamed at her proudly. “That’s my girl.”

            Y/N smiled up at him. He can be a hard ass, but seeing him smile proudly at her and being the softy he was with her, made it all worth it. “Thanks, Daddy.”      

           “What are you going to study?” Kitty asked and suddenly all eyes were on Y/N . Kitty was hoping she’d follow in her footsteps and become a nurse, but Y/N wasn’t too sure if she even wanted that.

           “Um,” she stumbled, gulping. “I’m not sure. I was thinking either engineering or automotive.”

           “Oh, honey, you don’t want to do that,” Kitty said, handing her another sandwich.

           “Why not?” Red asked before Y/N could. “She’s knowledgeable about that kind of stuff. Hell, I’ve taught her all about cars and the mechanics. Unlike dumbass over here.”

           “Hey!” Eric called out. “We both know that I am not strong enough to hold up a tire.”

           “Yeah,” Red said, dragging it out and glared at him. “I know.”

           “Mom, why shouldn’t I study those?” Y/N asked.

           “Well, you don’t want to work in a man’s place,” she responded. “It’s dirty and hot, and it’s super hard to do. Besides, you’ll just distract the boys from doing their jobs.”

           While Hyde’s mind went to dirty places after hearing the words dirty, hot, and hard, he noticed Y/N getting visible angry.  

           “Really?” she hissed. “You think I can’t handle it because I’m a woman? Or smart enough? If I can do the job, why does it matter? I am not and will not be responsible for the other guys not getting their job done because they’re too stupid to do their job.”

           “C’mon, Y/N , you deserve better,” she said. “You don’t have to work there. Why don’t you work at the hair salon? Or better yet, sell Tupperware?”

           “No, mom!” Y/N said. “I want to do something meaningful with my life. I don’t want to fit into societal norms. I deserve a well paying job just as much men do.”

           “Kitty, let her decide what she wants,” Red spoke up. “We’re not going to be living her life. You didn’t say anything to Laurie when she went to beauty school.”

           “Yeah, well, it’s not like she has many options anyway,” she responded.

           “But I do and you’re trying to limit me?”

           “Oh, honey, don’t take it so personally,” Kitty said, trying to deflate the conversation. “You’re the smart one out of all of us and I just want you to have a better life.”

           “I’m sitting right here,” Eric whined.

           “Yeah, but you don’t what you want to do yet. Figure it out and then come talk to us,” Kitty said and turned back to Y/N . “We just don’t want you to get hurt.”

           “Kitty, you can’t limit her just because you don’t want to her get hurt. That’s not fair.”

           Kitty sighed. “Fine, do whatever you want.”

            Y/N rolled her eyes and stood. “I’m not hungry anymore. I’m going to go check the mail.” She slammed her plate in the sink and stomped out the swinging door.

           “Way to go, Kitty,” Red said and stood up tp put his plate in the sink. “You had to anger her by telling her that.”

           “What, this is my fault now?” Kitty defended.

           Red looked at her emotionless. “Yes.”

           “Well, excuse me for wanting a better future for my baby girl!” She cried. “I’m relieved that we don’t have another Laurie and all I wanted for her was to be safe! But. I’m just terrible mother who can’t control her kids. Is a peace of mind for a mother really too much to ask?!” She screamed and finished her huge scene by grabbing her emergency bottle of wine and stomped upstairs to her bedroom.

           “Aw, crap,” Red groaned. “Even when she’s wrong, she’s right.”

           “Women, man,” Hyde said and put his plate in the sink as well. “From what I learned about women, they’re always right and we’re always wrong.”

           “Well, I’m glad my Donna isn’t like that,” Eric spoke up, also bringing his plate to the sink. “She will apologize to me if she did wrong. She’s smart like that.”

           “Yeah, but she has you whipped like 99% of the time,” Hyde shot back.

           “Not true!” Eric defended.

           “Man, you so are!” Hyde said, laughing. “What happened last week? You wanted to go watch Star Wars for the billionth time and she wanted to see a chick flick. And what did you end up seeing? The chick flick.”

           “Well, if I hadn’t she wouldn’t have let—” he stopped dead short when he saw Red staring at him. “She wouldn’t have let me kissed her goodnight on the cheek. Like the innocent and responsible adults we are.”

           Red rolled his eyes. “Can it. I’m going to check on your mother and if I don’t see you doing what I asked in five minutes, I’m going to put my foot so far up your ass, I’ll be able to control you like a puppet.” With that, he pushed the swinging door open and exited out to check on Kitty.

           “Forman, you should write a book ‘Things Red Threatened To Put In My ass.’ Chapter one: His foot.”

           Eric could only roll his eyes and exit the kitchen to start on those dreadful chores.

           Hyde decided to go check on Y/N once Eric was out of sight. He took the steps two at time until he came across Y/N’s room. He knocked on the door and gently opened the door.

           “ Y/N?”

           She was sitting at her desk, looking over the college pamphlets. “Hey,” she replied miserably.

           He shut the door and sat on her bed. “You okay, man? That was intense what happened down there.”

           “Yeah” she replied curtly, but not towards him. “It’s so typical of my mother to try to control everything I do. I’m not Laurie so she feels like I’m not good enough to make own decisions.”

           “She just doesn’t want you to be like her,” Hyde defended. “You’re the only child that your parents don’t worry because you have your head screwed on straight.”

           She looked at him with a defeated look. “I know, but there’s other ways about it,” she responded and sat down next to him.

           “Your mom doesn’t want you to leave,” he continued.

           “Well, I need to,” she said without thinking about it. She noticed hurt flash across his face. “I mean, it’s not like I want to, really. I want to explore the world and see what it has to offer me, but staying here is not going to give me that.”

           “I know,” he sighs. “It just sucks hearing you talk about it.”

           “I know, I’m sorry,” she said and grabbed his hand. Right there, she wanted to invite him to come along with her, but she was afraid. Afraid that he would run away. Then what if she doesn’t get accepted? Then she’s going to have to deal with seeing him everyday and make it harder for her to move on., but little did she know he was secretly hoping for the same thing. Just like her, he was terrified to ask her. He didn’t want to show too much vulnerability. After seeing what his mom went through, he doesn’t want to get into a relationship and then move away only for them to break up. And then what? He’d be stuck there, or worse, she’d see him for who he truly is and run away. It was easier for him to keep everything hidden than to spill it.

           “Anyway, it doesn’t matter,” she said. “I’m going to do whatever I want regardless what my mom says.”

           “Did you check the mail?” he asks, changing the subject.

           “Yeah, nothing yet.”

           He stared down at their entwined hands. “I don’t know why this is so hard for us to talk about,” she said. “It’s not like we’re in a committed relationship. “

           His heart dropped at hearing that, but why? They were both on the same page. It’s not like it meant nothing, but it meant something. It may have even started off that way, but it definitely wasn’t like that now. They wanted to make it official but the sneaking around and hiding it from everyone kind of prevented it from happening. Even if they did, it would be saying goodbye so much harder.

           He knew he was in for it when they started. He had never felt this way about anyone before. And that scared him. He was afraid to lose her which sucked because he never felt that fear with anyone, but she was different. She made him feel at home, at peace. She made him a better man. He was actually happy. Before, he had trouble running in with the law and relatively being a jerk to everyone. Hyde was a good friend, but showed it differently than the average man. When it came to women, he hardly ever got attached. Women would leave anyway once they found out the true him. Or at least, the side that he wanted them to see. She saw his heart, through the wall he built up, and tore it down. With her, he wanted her to tear it down because for once in life, he was able to trust someone that wasn’t within his normal group, but even then this was way different with him. He finally felt safe and didn’t have to be ready to run if he had to.

           She knew that if she stayed here, she would have Steven, but her future would be bleak. She knew if she left the state, she would be able to accomplish so much more. But the thought of leaving him was almost unbearable to her, which confused her. She knew what she was getting into when they started seeing each other. She knew it would be just a fling, but the more they did it, the more they connected; spiritually and physically. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this. She wasn’t supposed to develop feelings for him, but she did. Even though they clearly like each other, she didn’t want to suggest anything more in fear of rejection. What if he didn’t feel the same way? It’d be easier to leave, but she doesn’t want to forget him and go without him. If more than anything, she wanted him to join her. The only way she would find out is by asking.

           “Yeah,” he scoffed. “It’d be stupid of us to do that since you might be leaving.”

           “Well, um,” she began, suddenly feeling so nervous that she started shaking. He felt it and held her hand tighter.

           “Are you okay?”

           “Yeah, ‘m fine,” she responded and looked into his shades, even though she was trying to look into his eyes. “Maybe, we…we don’t have to split up.”

           His eyebrows came together which made her more nervous for his answer. “What d’you mean?”

           She took a deep breath. “Maybe…you can come with me.”

[thecandywrites]

Jewel Of The North Chapter 12

Woo, I know it’s been a hot minute. But I gotta show Doug and Alorna getting their comupance because JUSTICE and REVENGE. Also, I wanted to send our little blended family on a cruise. Not just any cruise, but a Disney Cruise. Have I have been on a Disney Cruise? No. Do I want to? Yes. Did I watch three and a half hours worth of cruise videos talking about the Disney cruise ships and clubs and concierge level stuff for research? Yes. Is it crazy stupid expensive? Yes. Is this an escape fantasy from The Plague I’m living in? Yes.  Also because this is a fantasy story. I’m smudging reality. Becuase those pictures are from the Disney Dream, but last I knew it was the Disney Wonder that was in Alaska. But can I leave things there? No. Because I’m a Dramatic Bitch. And I live for the drama. And yes this has been sitting in my drafts for...way too long. But a few more bumps in the road, some hurdles AND THEN happily ever after. We are getting there. 

Jewel Of The North 

Chapter 12

Noah’s jaw was on the floor when you came out of the bathroom in the “infamous” gold dress as Noah wolf whistled. 

“Wow. That’s the gold dress eh?” Noah asked as he openly gawked at your body in it. 

“Yep. It’s the “gold maneater”. Every time my kids see me in it before now, they’ve always complained, because both already have to deal with enough of the “your mom’s a MILF” comments as it is and they think it's too risque for a woman my age. I actually got this dress as a dare from Tasha who said I need a “back on the market and on the menu” dress. Blossom calls it my “get dicked down dress”.” You laughed as you struck a few poses for him as Noah had a hard time forming a coherent sentence and simply made a string of half word-like sounds along the lines of ‘yeah’ ‘mmhmm’ of agreement as he simply settled for gestures of approval and agreement cause his words were failing him. 

“Yeah..that’s...that’s exactly what’s going to happen.” Noah reassured you which made you laugh even harder. 

“Oh I know. It’s the last night of the cruise, I wanted to go out with a bang.” You shrugged as you slipped your shawl on. 

“Ready?” You asked him. 

“I uh, I’ll need…” Noah tried to hint as he tried to adjust the bulge in his pants, it had only been hours since you had sex shortly after lunch, but he couldn’t help his reaction to you and he doubted he ever would get used to you or stop reacting to you like this. 

“A moment?” You guessed as you beamed smugly, happy to elicit such a reaction from him, even after you thought he would be sated, at least for a few hours but you would be lying if you claimed you didn’t want Noah to try to rip this dress off of you and ravish you- preferably after dinner because you had worked up an appetite. 

Being married to your former husband, Andrew, he was ok in bed. But he wasn’t necessarily “sexy” to you, at least in looks. He meant safety, security, stability and comfort for you when you met him and married him but eventually, the spark left, the more narcissistic traits you saw and experienced and the more of an ‘asshole’ he acted and the less natural chemistry you had. He didn’t always know how to get your engine revving and keep it revving. Mentally or emotionally which eventually bled into physically. 

But Noah? Oh, all you had to do was think about him and your whole body was humming and buzzing with delight, anticipation and- what you had thought was your long past dead sex drive- which thanks to the awakening it received from Noah, was very much alive and well and practically insatiable with Noah and even though you were losing count of how many times you had had sex, or made love in all of it’s forms, you hungered for more. And with just a look, a touch, or gesture, or especially warm, wonderful words and deeds from Noah and it was all over for you. He was...everything you had ever wanted or needed and you were so grateful you had waited for him because he had been worth the wait and definitely worth all the effort and he made all the bad times and obstacles and trials and tribulations up to this point- worth it and was the last piece of the puzzle and completed everything and you couldn’t wait for him to fully join and complete your family. 

Once Noah “recovered” enough, you went to dinner and if Noah had thought you garnered a lot of attention in the red dress, it was nothing compared to the attention you received in the gold dress. He never heard so many ‘god damn’s’ or ‘wow’s’ or even ‘holy fucking shit’s’ from guys and even other women when you strut past, with your arm happily hooked in the crook of Noah’s elbow. 

You were happy that his own gold tie matched your dress flawlessly so that it was clearly evident that you were a couple and one hell of an attractive one and you couldn’t help but notice how the women who weren’t looking at you, were staring in awe at Noah. And while you, understandably, weren’t necessarily one of the jealous types, it filled you with pride to be on his arm to show him off, cleaned up and looking like a million bucks himself and you felt so lucky to be with him.  

Even after dinner, when you went to one of the “clubs” on board, it was wonderful when Noah danced with you. Andy didn’t dance and hated to dance with you even though you loved to do so and would begrudgingly dance with you at weddings, only when you begged and pleaded for him to. 

Noah though? The man, thank the gods, had rhythm, and could keep up with you on the dance floor and the two of you danced really well and the chemistry you had in the bedroom spilled out everywhere else. You were so focused on grinding on Noah with his hands possessively on your hips and riding the hypnotic beats from the music to notice how Doug stared in disbelief as he watched from a safe distance while Alorna was in the restroom and felt jealousy eat him alive, that could have been him. He could have been the one to dance with the hot millionaire MILF. What did Noah honestly have that he didn’t? Was it because he was an ice orc instead of a “traditional” green one? Or was it the plane? Probably the plane. 

When Alorna came back she scuffed in disgust to see you and Noah on the dancefloor cutting it up, like you were in your own little worlds as she watched how all the guys who had been staring in desire at her, were now staring at you, their jaws on the floor and their hard ons tenting their pants.

“Come on Baby, lets go back to the casino, let her have this little tiny club, I’m feeling lucky tonight.” Doug insisted to get Alorna out of there before she started a fight because he could see the fire in her eyes that she wanted to start one. 

“So do I.” Alorna cooed as they strut out of there and went back to the casino and in the beginning they were winning back all their previous losses, but just like any casino, the longer they played, the more they lost until they lost even more than what they had previously won and then some. 

But all of that was a world away from you and Noah. 

You barely made it back to the room before Noah hiked your dress up, pulled your breasts out, moved your slimming panties to the side and fucked you into the back of the door of your room while sucking on your tits as you moaned and keened in ecstasy, to the point no one could pass by the hallway without knowing exactly what you were up to inside the room and by the time you made it to the bed, your dress was ripped, Noah’s buttons on his shirt had popped off and the room looked like a hurricane had torn through it and Noah and yourself slept like the dead, having worn each other out half the night. 

In the morning, you both got the remainder of your things together and checked out of the room and were happy when even with some shopping on board, you still had left over credit and you had the cruise cut Noah the check for your surplus and just as you disembarked, you watched as Alorna and Doug were arrested by four police officers as they had tried to disembark. 

“Get your hands off me!” Alorna screeched as she struggled as Doug was struggling too before both of them got tazed and pissed themselves as you and Noah gasped as you watched on from a safe distance before you two couldn’t help but snicker a laugh as everyone else watched on eagerly and laughed as they recorded it to upload it onto YouTube as the cruise simply handed them a very hefty bill, from not just their room and drinks and spa services and add ons but also a bill for tens of thousands owed at the casino.

“Wouldn’t want to be them.” You practically sang to Noah as you both laughed, watching them get their comeuppance. 

“Me neither.” Noah shook his head as you both eagerly watched as they were hauled off and you and Noah got your baggage and got a taxi to the hotel you would be staying in tonight before you would have to go to the airport the next day and each of you would fly your separate ways home. 

Once at the hotel you went ahead and booked the Disney cruise for the dates that worked best and went ahead and booked things for all the kids, the extra experiences and excursions you could, you wanted Sakura to have the princess treatment, and knew that Skylar, for as tomboyish as she was, she wouldn’t say no to some pampering, nor Zane for that matter as you did the same for things for you and Noah as Noah made plans of where he was going to park his plane and stuff and meet back up for the cruise before you made more plans of how you were going to move Noah and his own animals and pets and things down for the winter and when and even ordered new things to decorate Sakura’s room with because you were taking Sakura, and her pets home with you after the two families met and would hopefully, with all fingers crossed, would get along and get her on your insurances, get her in school and get her room ready for her so that moving in would be as easy and hopefully seamless as could be and even made plans so that Noah could fly his family down to see where Noah and Sakura would settle in for the winter and have a chance to have a really big, proper gosbe and merging of the two families in September as everyone in your family was eager to meet Noah and Sakura and their family too. 

You spent the last night together holding each other tightly, making promises and plans as you made love slowly, savoring every nano second because it would be a while before you would have the opportunity to have this pleasure with each other for a while. The next morning at their airport, Noah waited with you at the gate since your flight left before his, not wanting to spend a single second without you- that he didn’t have to and gave you one hell of a kiss goodbye. 

Several hours later, you both arrived home and while you were happy to be home, you missed Noah and Sakura especially and once the kids were dropped off at home, you sat them down to bring them up to speed with the first part of your plan and were surprised when both of them were ok and at peace with it, and strangely- eagerly looking forward to it and when they asked about the second part of the plan, of Noah and Sakura moving in with you for the fall, winter and spring and Noah working on flipping the estates while they were in school and you were at work- they were actually impressed and relieved that Noah would be “pulling weight” and working with your dad on the houses too and were more interested in the how rather than the why of the matter because they could tell that you genuinely loved Sakura and Noah and they were grateful that at least Noah was “connected” to people they knew and trusted, mainly, your father. 

“Ok, I’ll be honest, I totally thought I was going to have to do a lot more convincing.” You admitted to them once you seemed to have laid all your cards out on the table to them. 

“Grandpa Gru vouched for him and when Grandpa Gru talked with Noah’s dad Ukluk and Noah’s former father in law Tonrar, we were right there and got to hear most of it and we got to talk to them too and they’ve been talking back and forth ever since and Grandpa Gru has been telling us about him and Sakura and they were really nice, and we got to talk to Summer and Isla and we got to talk to Noah’s siblings, well, all of them except Alorna, who’s apparently in jail for slandering you as a priestess, which isn’t cool, but you can’t please everyone. But otherwise we got to talk to his former siblings in law too and even Sakura’s cousins who all seem really cool and they’re all pretty normal, which is a good thing. And to hear all of them be honest about Noah and his situation and especially about Neena and their relationship and how he treated her and how he treats his family as well as the circumstances of her own death and how he’s dealt with it, in particular how he didn’t turn to the bottle or any other vices, or even his own temper, impressed us, like a lot. And instead of a “sales speech” about how great he is, to hear he’s imperfect and makes mistakes but tries his best and treats the people around him respectfully and really well and has honor and a strong sense of duty and was already making sacrifices for people around him, and has similar values that we have and has a very similar situation that we have. That was enough for us. We also comprised a list of questions for him.” Xander revealed before they showed you the list. 

“Aww, this is really comprehensive.” You praised as you looked it over and grinned when you already knew the answers to most of these but you’d leave it to Noah to confirm them himself. 

“Can I copy this?” You asked. 

“Please do.” Skylar nodded before you went to your office and took a photocopy of the list, both sides before you took pictures and then took a pen and added a third page of things they didn’t come up with that Noah had to offer and things to talk about before you copied that and handed it to them to look at before you got a call from Noah. 

“Yes?” You answered when you picked up only to hear Sakura’s voice on the other end. 

“Hi Mama,” Sakura greeted you sleepily as you looked at your watch and noticed that it was bed time in her time zone as you yourself were feeling quite tired. 

“Hi Honey,” You greeted, your heart melting in your chest as your soul ached to be holding her again. 

“Can I have a bedtime story?” Sakura asked. 

“Of course,” you readily agreed. 

“I gotta read Sakura a bedtime story.” You informed your kids who both grinned knowingly and were happy to see you happy before you went upstairs to the bookshelf in your kid’s old playroom and got an appropriate story to read her and once Sakura was put to sleep, you talked with Noah and told him about the list and the developments with Sky and Zane and what your dad had done which Noah was very grateful for as Noah revealed that after you had boarded your plane and he was waiting for his own, that he got a call from your dad and the two talked for a couple of hours while he waited as your dad got to have a good conversation and came to an understanding and was surprisingly sympathetic and really nice and welcoming and Noah had a really good feeling that they were going to get along just fine and when he talked with your Mom, all your mom wanted to know was about his pets and horses and what he liked to to eat and drink and otherwise welcomed him with open arms which made you blow out a breath of relief you suggested that for next year that he would probably need to put an addition to his house for everyone which he was more than happy to agree to because his house currently was only a cottage sized house, big enough and cozy enough for Noah, you and Sakura but with adding Skylar and Xander and the menagerie to the mix, not so much. And even the barn would be cramped but Noah’s plot of land was definitely big enough to accommodate your needs and it could be made to work. 

In just the span of three weeks, you had turned one of your guest bedrooms into a bedroom for Sakura and worked overtime to make it perfect while also working with your dad, your brothers and brothers in law to make sure the outbuilding, aka the man cave- was ready for Noah and and looked into zoning for several acres of land to see if you turn it into a runway so that Noah wouldn’t have to rent a space at another air field and looked into commissioning an airplane hanger to be built on the property too since you had bought up the surrounding farmland. 

But that time seemed to fly by and now your children and yourself were waiting in the lobby of a hotel, waiting for Noah and Sakura to arrive while you and your children all played games on your phones as they were also waiting, having brought gifts for Sakura which were in gift bags while your own gifts had been a new suitcase full of new clothes and things for them both. 

While all of you were excited, you were particularly anxious because the weather forecast told you that this week was going to have some storms and you weren’t sure how the cruise was going to go if the weather was bad, but you had an abundance of seasickness medicine and other medicines, just in case. You were prepared. 

Finally Noah and Sakura made it into the hotel and the moment she saw you, she let go of Noah's hand and bolted for you. 

"Mama!" Sakura shrieked in delight as you readily got up and closed the distance as you caught her in your arms and tried and failed not to cry, when you got to hold her again as you kissed each other all over as Noah came over and simply kissed you sweetly before the three of you made it back over to where Xander and Skylar were still hanging out in the lounge area, gift bags in hand and friendly smiles on their faces before Sakura got down and practically tackled Skylar and Xander with hugs which made the kids laugh as Noah was holding Sakura’s gifts for your own children. 

“Hi, I'm Noatak, aka Noah, nice to meet you both.” Noah greeted your kids with a handshake which they were happy to give him, staring up at this mountain of a man, kind of awe but still a trace of fear because he was still just a little fear inspiring in person but they weren’t terrified or anything. His smile and demeanor and especially his energy was friendly and while they could tell he was nervous, he seemed to radiate calm and warmth, which is what Skylar picked up on the most and just by this first impression, she was cool. Xander, was still reserving his final judgement though. 

“Hi, I'm Skylar, you can call me Sky for short,” Your daughter mirrored and echoed back to him as she watched as her little hand disappeared into his much larger one. 

"And I'm Xander but you can call me Zane for short too." Xander replied before Sakura happily exchanged gifts as Zane and Sky were excited to see what Sakura would get them before a discussion was held about where to get dinner at before a place was decided that was within walking distance where the kids happily walked with their gifts, eagerly talking and getting to know each other which left you and Noah to walk hand in hand only a step behind them. 

“Here, you left this.” Noah said as he tried to hand you a check for the entire amount that you had left him on the day he flew you out. 

“Oh no you don’t. You need to keep that, it’s our money now, who knows when you’ll need it, moving can be expensive, as are planes, I know you already had plans to upkeep the plane this winter, I just made the “how” a little easier.” You argued as you took the check and promptly tore it into little pieces and stuffed the pieces into your pocket to burn later. 

“Nice try though.” You cooed to him. 

“Well then the moment we get back, I need to put you on my bank accounts so that you can access it anyway.” Noah insisted. 

“Only if you’ll let me do the same for you and my own accounts.” You proposed. 

“Only the small ones.” Noah gently countered. 

“Fair enough.” You grinned with a soft chuckle. 

Over dinner the kids brought out “the list” of questions as you and Noah sat side by side in the booth while the kids sat on the other side of the table as they went down the list while you waited for the food. 

“So what was your first job?” Zane began. 

“Well officially, the first job I had that came with a paycheck, was actually on a fishing boat, fishing for snow crabs and just about everything else under the sun up there and that’s how I saved up my money to buy the plane. But otherwise I have been flying with my dad in his plane since before I was old enough to legally drive as did my brother who actually flies for USPS.” Noah revealed which got all but Sakura to blink in surprise. 

“Well that might come in handy, there’s supposed to be storms this week on the cruise, I’ll need your help getting my sea- legs.” You murmured. 

“Oh there’s plenty of tricks to getting the seasickness to abate.” He reassured all of you which made you feel better about the prospect of spending a cruise on stormy seas as he simply squeezed your hand reassuringly. 

“So how did you know that our mom was the one for you?” Skylar asked which got Noah to bark a laugh for her bluntness. 

“Direct, I like it, actually, she was the answer to a lot of prayers, the least of which was financial.” Noah began. 

“I had been praying, ever since Neena died, so for a while now, for the right woman to look at Sakura and see a daughter, her daughter specifically and love her just as much as I do and would want to be her mother and would be an excellent mother at that and be what Sakura needed to help her heal from the loss of her first one. And have a future with her without erasing or ignoring the past and who would respect our culture and not look down on it, and would help her embrace it. And your mom did all of that and more, like so much more than I ever could have thought to hope for, much less pray for.” Noah answered as you practically glowed with pride next to him and smiled so adoringly at him and thanked all the gods for a man who finally recognized your contributions and gave you credit where it was due. 

“Because she prayed with me to the same gods my first mama and all my grandparents pray to and then she showed me how she prayed to hers and we shared a lot of the same ones and she made me my summer solstice outfit, just like my first mama did, only better. And hugging her felt like I was hugging my first mama, that she loved me just as much.” Sakura volunteered which melted everyone’s hearts. 

“And it became immediately apparent to me just on that first day that it was The Gods Will that everything that I packed for Taylor and her family, I packed two, and both sets made it and it just so happened that Noah needed everything that I had packed but he didn’t ask for any of it and I sincerely doubt he ever would have either. But he did appreciate it and was more than deserving of it too and while his house wasn’t the biggest or grandest house I’ve ever been in, he built it with his own two hands and he built it well and it was full of more love than anything which was very keenly felt. And I could tell that Noah took care of his house really well too, everything was in good working order, and well maintained and neat and orderly and pretty clean too. He’s been used to doing all the domestic chores along with earning an income and providing for his family just like me and trying to carry everything all by himself which is hard and a burden- I’m all too familiar with myself and he cooks really well too. So, win-win.” You added with a proud smile which got Sky to smile fondly and even Zane to grin as he sat on one side of Sakura while Skylar sat on the other side of her which Sakura couldn’t be happier about, being surrounded by her new family. 

“So how did you know that Daddy was the one for you Mama?” Sakura asked you in turn. 

“Well he also answered a lot of prayers for me too. So on the trip up to the Frozen Tundra, I had to take a flight and a short cruise up there and it was just non stop men with a few women too, both married, divorced, single, in and out of all kinds of relationships and it was just a barrage of mostly guys wanting to buy me every drink at every bar that they could make- in an effort to have sex with me and I was really sick of it, been sick of it for years now and I was worn down and weary of it all. Like even the spa manager on that first cruise ship tried to have sex with me so my guard was up and I figured I wouldn’t have a break from that until I got to Taylor’s house when surprise- surprise, even there, I ran into the same thing from her brother in law and the whole way up I had been praying that I would find a friend and find relief from all of that and lo and behold- Noah was there waiting for me to get off the boat and he didn’t flirt with me once on that first day or even the second and not really on the third either. He was nothing but respectful and professional to me even before I met him and after he met me in person he showed unbelievable restraint and self control which encouraged me to do the same, because the moment I saw him in person, I thought he was the most handsome man I had ever laid eyes on and there was that instant attraction, connection and chemistry and even with all of that, he let me just hang out and help him in exchange for flying me all over which I love flying and at the first subtle sign of discomfort from other’s advances, he didn’t hesitate to protect me and shield me from those unwanted advances from everyone else and it was such a welcome relief, like it was walking into a cool air conditioned room to rest and get replenished and feel completely safe while also feeling completely free and it was so wonderful to feel that after being in the oppressive heat all day with buzzing mosquitoes trying to suck every bit of blood and joy and peace from me they could and it was really nice and refreshing.” You began which got Noah to huff a laugh. 

“That’s funny I felt the same way but kind of the opposite.” Noah said. 

“I was oppressive heat?” You laughed. 

“No, no, no, it was the opposite in that for me it felt like it was the never ending winter and oppressively cold, but with you- it was like getting that first warm breeze of summer, where the winter finally shakes it’s hold on everything and wishy washy spring where it’s cold one day and hot the next only to be cold the day after that- it felt like winter was finally over and once that warm summer breeze rolls in, it’s even and stable and you can trust that it’ll stay warm instead of trying to rip it away in two seconds, and you did smell like some tropical blooms in paradise, and what was really poignant, was that morning when I dropped Sakura off at my mom’s, my mom said her tea leaves told her that I would find Paradise that day and at the time I had no idea what she meant but the second I met you, it was crystal clear.” Noah explained. 

“Which is why I called you Paradise at first Mama and because she showed me the tea leaves and then did some more and they told me that you were a really good mama, one of the best.” Sakura sighed dreamily as she smiled adoringly at you as you mirrored her. 

“Aww, that’s so sweet!” You fawned as you picked up his hand and kissed the back of it sweetly before you reached across the table to stroke Sakura’s cheek with your palm and smiled even brighter when she leaned into your touch as Zane and Skylar smiled fondly too as that seemed to cement things for Skylar especially, the gods themselves picked Noah and Sakura out for them and through destiny itself, brought them together.  

“So anyway, when I first came up, when I finally got to him- others tried to flirt with me, once he observed that I was tired and uncomfortable, he shut them down and stood up for me without asking for anything in return or trying to flirt with me himself even though at the time I would have probably flirted back but because he showed restraint, I showed some too and he was generous with me without any thought of being paid back for any of it and treated me like we’d been friends for years and we just got along and we clicked on just that base- friendship level because he thought I was married and I thought he was married and we both deeply respected those boundaries and didn’t push them and when we found out that we were both widowed, it didn’t jump straight from friends to romantic, it stayed friends and it grew very organically from there and he went above and beyond for me, helping me with my luggage, helping drive half my crap to Taylor’s house, and hugging him that first night felt like hugging home, only it wasn’t a home I had known yet and it was such a relief all around and a very welcome change.” You explained. 

“Yeah except, because you were that wonderful paradise compared to everything else and it’s not like I wasn’t immediately attracted to you either. You were wonderful on the phone and then when I saw you coming down the pier with a plane load of cargo, I figured you were my fare but the closer you got, the more I could see and I had every intention of meeting you halfway but once I got a good look at you, my whole body just froze and my brain shut down and my eyes got tunnel vision and I just watched completely bewitched as the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my life who looked like paradise incarnate, coming down the pier and so that’s why I just stupidly stood there and stared at you like an awkward teenager and then when you saw me, smiled politely and turned and called me and pulled me out of that daze, I almost said ‘sorry, we don’t get too many drop dead gorgeous women up here’ but that would have been incredibly unprofessional and inappropriate and my mouth has never worked that smoothly with my brain and then when I was driving you to the plane and I’m seeing every sailor, every passenger, every guy with a pulse stop, stare and do a double take, I thought I needed a warhammer strapped to my back and I thought I was going to be fighting all of them off just to keep you safe because we may live in a polite- modern society but that can change in a hot minute and I had to hide behind my sunglasses and I was terrified something was gonna happen to you and so I had to call Taylor and voice my concerns to her because again, didn’t want to be rude to you and told her that you needed a bodyguard and she told me to volunteer basically before she laughed and hung up.” Noah confessed. 

“Really?” You and the kids all laughed in delight, grateful that there was that instant attraction and chemistry. 

“Yeah, so like I just had to put myself on my best behavior because I did not want to mess up anything with you.” Noah explained. 

“Well obviously it worked.” You reassured him. 

“Plus when I met Sakura, I had the most overwhelming mothering urges towards her, like every instinct in my mind and body was telling me to love her and take care of her and do everything in my power to make sure she was ok and help her in any way I could, whether it benefited me or not. And when I got to hug and hold her for the first time, it was like I was holding you guys after I first gave birth to you. That ‘there you are, I’ve waited so long to finally meet you and I’m gonna love you forever.’ feeling.” You repeated and even now Noah still got misty eyed just thinking about it as Skylar had her arm around Sakura and hugged her tight too. 

“And that’s exactly what I prayed for.” Noah repeated. 

“And then to know that he wasn’t a stranger or just some guy- but to know that it was Grandpa Gru’s old airforce brother from another mother, that- that- was his dad and that our families had actually been old friends before my dad had moved us away, that if my parents had stayed we would have grown up together and probably would have been friends starting then too. And the fact that Taylor also vetted him for me, and that Taylor knew him and knew his family too so that I had not just that childhood connection but also have that mature adulthood character reference and his reputation alone was outstanding and the fact that he not only respected me but respected my profession too which is a really big deal, especially for me, when so many think it’s an invitation for solicitation, but not him, he recognized that it was, not just my bread and butter but actually my calling and was really helpful and supportive.” You mused. 

“Well and likewise, because you were the first client since Neena died that didn’t haggle me or look down on me because I was an ice orc and a pilot and you didn’t treat me and my family like tourist attractions which has happened a lot before and you respected me and my profession which also went a long way too.” Noah confessed. 

“Yeah, being objectified sucks, we just get objectified for different things. I’m actually worried that’s gonna happen on the cruise, that you and Sakura will get patronized because you’re ice orcs and get roped into posing for other guests who think you’re part of the experience.” You confessed. 

“Nah, I wouldn’t, if Sakura and I brought our native regalia, maybe, but since we didn’t, I doubt that’ll happen, I don’t think people will care enough to notice us because usually we get ignored everywhere we go that isn’t home where we know everyone.” Noah reassured you. 

“But, back to what we were talking about, the moment you came into my life, suddenly money was the last thing to matter to me, all that really mattered was Sakura and you, and making sure both of you were ok and taken care of and most of all safe.” Noah professed. 

“Aww, I had the same feeling but especially for Sakura, like I knew you would be ok and could take care of yourself and I knew Sakura would be ok as long as you would be successful so making you as successful as possible so you could continue to care for her became my immediate goal. Which is why once I found out that your competition was undercutting you to steal your already limited pool of clients, I felt I needed to try to help any way I could and it ended up working out really well. And what worked out even better was that all the money that I made that first day, even when I went and didn’t expect to make any money at all, I spent helping you even more so that it was in no way a burden and the more I gave and the more I helped, the more blessing and happiness I got in return and the blessing didn’t stop at you and Sakura, it went to your family and Neena’s family too and even the clans, despite Alorna and Doug’s attempts to sabotage that because the seeds and things I brought from the lower 48 that I barely spent anything on- ended up getting split up and going to all the clans and it all got used and appreciated which is, at the end of the day, what matters.” You added. 

“And it proved to everyone what a fine woman you were that even in the face of deep disrespect and sabotage that you kept your cool and kept your composure and were classy and gracious and respectful and still honored the clans and the council, which was the right thing to do, it wasn’t easy and I didn’t make it any easier on you either.” Noah confessed. 

“How did you make it hard?” Zane asked with a frown. 

“I took her concession as her giving up on me and Sakura and it wasn’t that at all, she was in her own priestess regalia and in regalia, she has a code she needs to abide by and I didn’t take that into account or consideration at all and I, very wrongly jumped to the conclusion that she was giving up and I will probably regret that mistake till the day I die.” Noah readily confessed which impressed Zane and Skylar that he was humble enough to admit he made a mistake and owned up to it and didn’t sugar coat it or downplay it but was actually very factual in his recounting which was very honest and forthcoming, which they respected and admired. 

“Well you need to forgive yourself for that, I know I have, and beating yourself up for a mistake won’t get you anywhere.” You comforted him with another squeeze of his hand. 

“No but it sure did teach me some humility and the lesson to not to jump to conclusions and to actually talk things out and figure it out instead of just emotionally reacting.” Noah gently countered. 

 “And it taught me to explain myself before misconceptions and misunderstandings happen because the difference in culture is still there.” You allowed. 

“Huh,” Zane hummed and shrugged it off. 

“But that’s still a really good thing that you would admit that you were in the wrong and obviously you apologized and tried to make amends and that you’re humble enough to admit that you were wrong and learned lessons, even as an adult.” Skylar praised. 

“And what an apology it was.” You grinned cheekily which got Noah to blush and smile bashfully. 

“It wasn’t just sex was it? It was an actual apology right?” Zane pressed. 

“Yes, it was an actual apology, like, crying, on his knees, begging for forgiveness and admitting fault and promising to do better and then following through with actions.” You reassured Zane. 

“And then yes, sex.” Noah took a chance and teased Zane which got Skylar to snort a snickering laugh as Sakura giggled too as Zane just sighed tiredly and resigned himself to this even though secretly he was relieved that it was Noah that you had chosen, or the gods rather, because now that you were in a serious relationship, his friend’s dads would hopefully now be deterred and stop drooling over you already.

“Yeah, I guess that’s inevitable and part of a healthy, committed monogamous relationship right?” Zane returned, trying to be cool about it because he could tell Noah was being harmless, in his joking and appreciated the gesture and could humor him. 

“Yup, very healthy,” You nodded. 

“And very committed and monogamous.” Noah nodded in turn. 

“So have you ever killed anyone?” Skylar asked which got you and Noah to laugh because she just- came in from left field with that one. 

“No, I have killed many animals though, for hunting purposes because hunting and trapping is legal and absolutely necessary if you’re going to live up there.” Noah answered. 

“What’s the biggest thing you’ve killed?” Skylar asked. 

“A bull moose that was just over 1500 pounds, getting that thing to my plane was the hardest thing because you have to dress it in the field and carry it out in pieces and carry it out quickly before the wolves and bears get wind of it. But thankfully I was hunting with my dad and my brothers and brothers in law so we all helped and we got a few moose that day, it set up the families for most of the winter actually.” Noah began before he recounted his other hunting expeditions and by the end of dinner, Sky and Zane seemed happy and satisfied with Noah’s answers to his questions and Noah in turn got his own questions about you and them, answered too. 

You went back to the hotel and you tried to “ease” everyone into this by getting two hotel rooms, one for Noah and Sakura and the other for your kids and yourself, but they were right next to each other and had a door from one to the other that you kept open and once the kids got dressed to go swimming in the hotel’s pool and Noah got to see you in a bikini again, he nearly lost control and had to actively remind himself that not only was Sakura around, but your own children and the guests at the hotel meant he couldn’t just scoop you up and fuck you against the closest surface. The bikini wasn’t even all that “sexy” it was actually modest compared to most but your body in it was giving every ounce of will power he had a run for its money. 

“Did you miss me?” You cooed to him as you caught him staring at you as you laid out the kid’s towels down over the sun chairs as you taunted him by wiggling your butt just enough to make it jiggle a little. 

“You have no idea.” Noah returned huskily as he simply came up behind you and wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you flush to him to pin his hardening cock to your backside and left the most salacious kiss on the side of your neck, your knees almost buckled from under you as you dropped your own towel on the ground as your whole body betrayed you and you were ready to rip your bikini off of your frame and offer yourself to him poolside. 

“Fuck.” You cursed under your breath as it was suddenly unbearably hot in the sun, because Noah had practically set you on fire with just that little touch and kiss. 

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” He teased you. 

“You keep pushing it and this will end in one of two ways, I get away from you so I don’t fuck you in front of the gods and everyone- right here, right now and scar the kids for life or you can figure out a way we can both sneak away for five or ten minutes so we can get our own private business taken care of.” You offered as you bent at the waist to pick up your towel and to feel his shaft tried to spear the cleft of your ass as it laid against the length of it.  

Thankfully the kids soon made friends with the other kids swimming at the pool and Noah and yourself did manage to “sneak” into a family’s restroom. 

That door was barely shut and locked before Noah ripped your bottoms off as you barely had a chance to step out of them before he picked you up, pinned you against a wall and entered you roughly then started up a very earnest and powerful rhythm as he kissed you like a man starved while you clung to him like a lifeline while you tried to stamp down your whimpering keens and feeling rejoined was feeling like you were whole again. 

“Gods I’ve missed you.” You confessed between scorching hot kisses. 

“Missed you too, my hand has been a poor substitute.” Noah confessed which got a giggle to bubble from your throat. 

“Likewise.” You returned as his hips snapped forcefully into yours and the pleasure was almost overwhelming, after three weeks of just talking on the phone, seeing him again in person, the magic and the sparks and the chemistry was still there, if anything there was more of it. That three weeks had felt just as long as the two years between losing Andy and finding Noah to begin with and it was crazy how in a month, what once was a stranger was now the center of your life and the same could be said for Noah. 

But at least you had all the texts, phone calls and emails. And thankfully Noah had been busy with his business while you were gone, having practically worked nonstop once he got back. And you talked to both him and Sakura at least once a day, especially at night, reading stories to Sakura to put her to sleep and then talking to Noah about his day after putting Sakura to bed. And sometimes it was just decompressing or heart and soul bearing conversation and other times it turned into some really amazing phone sex. But none of it held a candle to the real thing and way faster than you were expecting, you came in a shuddering keen, nuzzling your face into the crux of his neck and shoulder while your fingertips dimpled into the meat of his shoulders and back and it took less than ten pumps later before Noah finally let loose himself and pumped you full of his seed, a growling groaning moan as he simply pinned you against the wall and held you tight and nuzzled his face in the juncture of your own neck and shoulder and breathed in your scent deep into his lungs, feeling anchored by it because now, that he had you in his arms, he didn’t care about anything else. Everything else seemed so far away now. 

By the time you made it back out, Sakura was on Zane’s shoulders as he and some of the other kids there were playing chicken and didn’t notice that you and Noah had stepped away it seemed as you both slipped into the warm water and swam around until the sunset and you finally got to go back to the rooms where you happily put Sakura to bed, snuggling with her in her bed as you read a story from your phone to her as Sky and Zane got ready for bed in their own bed across from you and watched on fondly before they fell asleep after Sakura did before you happily crawled into bed with Noah, made love and then fell asleep in his arms, finally sleeping well for the first time in weeks and Skylar and Zane didn’t have any issues with it in the morning which was a relief for you and Noah. 

Before loading the cruise ship you had Noah take you and your second set of luggage and a huge crate of gifts for kids, all of Sakura’s cousins on both sides of her family since you and your kids had insisted on also getting gifts for their soon to be cousins and loaded those up on the plane so you wouldn’t have to worry about those gifts getting dirty or damaged before they could reach their recipients and your kids got to explore Noah’s plane which they thought was really cool, Skylar actually did summersaults down the cargo hold as Zane sat in the cockpit and eagerly looked at all the controls and was asking Noah about what each one was and did which made you happy as Noah promised that after the cruise, he would let them fly the plane for a few minutes on the way home which made them really happy and excited for. Which made you so excited to see everything again, but instead of the eyes of a visitor but from the eyes of a soon to be local. 

Thankfully you got onto the cruise ship early because you were in the concierge royal suite and not surprisingly, Zane and Skylar seemed to make new friends right at check in, some of them had even been at the hotel the night before and even Sakura made new friends too which gave you some relief that she wasn’t being left out or ignored. Skylar and Zane could make fast friends wherever they went when they wanted to and for a week long cruise, they could do so freely to make the trip more enjoyable and Skylar and Zane had gifted Sakura a little notebook to write down all the names of all her friends so that once they got on board they could send each other gifts and “pixie dust” to other guests which Zane and Skylar insisted that all the kids staying in all of the handicap rooms on board get pixie dust in particular which damn near made Noah cry because of how thoughtful and inclusive they were to include them as Sakura also agreed to do the same which made you particularly proud. You had also spent the last three weeks making sure that you would have all the extra touches and flourishes that would make the cruise memorable and special for everyone. 

Once you were invited to board, you got your pictures taken and then it was announced to the welcoming crew that the Kintucks and the Kingsleys were arrived which Sakura thought was really fun and once onboard the concierge lounge on the ship, you got each of them the program for the cruise and your highlighters out and brought out the list of things you had already put into your agenda, like princess makeovers and royal tea service for the nights you would be going to Rapunzel’s Royal Table for dinner where it was basically Disney’s version of “formal nights” as all five you got to have your choice about activities for the cruises. 

Noah, unsurprisingly, was happy to just be along for the ride. Sky and Zane were really looking forward to all the kids clubs and since this was Sakura’s first cruise, much less a Disney one, she was just eager to experience everything she could as Skylar and Zane were equally eager to share the experiences with her while you were eager to have some good proper alone time with Noah because your suite had two huge whirlpool tubs, one for the master and one for the kid’s room and while you brought plenty of bath bombs for the kids, you also brought some for yourself too along with some amazing lingerie just for Noah’s enjoyment, as all of you tried to get used to the rocking of the boat. 

“So...what’s that trick to getting your sea legs?” Zane asked Noah as you could tell from his expression that he was getting a little queasy as he sipped on his ginger ale. 

“Ok so back when I was on a fishing boat, what we would do is we would fill the hold up with sea water, get our gear on, as if we would go overboard and we would take turns throwing each other into the holding tank, like throwing each other as high in the air as we could, with more flips and twists, the better and when the body gets thrown around like that, it’s forced to re-calibrate itself and even in a really bad storm there is always a rhythm to the waves that your body gets used to, we would barely be out of port and we would start doing this, usually on the third throw, maybe the fifth throw if you’re really bad off, you’re good to go, now the biggest trick is when you get back on land, your body will still want to follow the rhythm of the sea and you can get “land sickness”, which is getting sea sick sitting perfectly still, but again, it’s the same trick to get out of it.” Noah explained.  

“So you yeet us basically.” Skylar grinned excitedly. 

“Yeah, into the pool.” Noah nodded. 

“Yes!” Skylar cheered which got Noah to laugh as he looked around casually and noticed something...odd. 

“Hey, not to be a worry wart but we might have a problem, 8’oclock.” Noah murmured to your family as he looked around casually again which got everyone’s ears to pick up. 

“What?” You asked, as you instantly looked around yourself before you noticed the family in the direction Noah alluded to before your own stomach dropped. 

“They’re looking at Zane pretty hard.” Noah realized. 

“Ah, fans, this happens quite a bit, hopefully they’ll be cool and not swarm me.” Zane muttered in resignation. 

“Cause of your YouTube channel?” Noah asked. 

“Most likely, they don’t look like the ballet following type.” Zane answered. 

“If they come over and bother you- do you want me to get rid of them?” Noah offered casually. 

“Uh, well, there’s no reason to be rude, but yeah if they get bothersome and hound me, please do.” Zane answered, happy and relieved that Noah would even offer before the family couldn’t help it and came over. 

“Hey, are you Zane Kingsley, with King’s Snakes?” Another boy asked Zane as the family from across the lounge had been staring and gawking at Zane the moment your family had been waiting to board the ship and Noah noticed Zane plastered on that same, forced polite smile you did that first day when that whole tavern tried to buy you drinks as Noah looked from Zane to you to see you did the same thing as Skylar didn’t bother hiding her annoyance at the intrusion while Sakura looked on curiously as she ate her snack. 

“Yeah, that’s me,” Zane reluctantly confirmed before the whole family seemed to gush and fawn and geek out that they met a “celebrity” on the cruise before they all got pictures with Zane as Zane humored them and gave them autographs while he tried to keep it about the snakes, asking if they had any and was happy that they were looking to buy one soon. 

“Oh my goodness, look at us being so rude, are you vacationing with your family?” The mom asked. 

“Yup, that’s my mom Zara, my sister Sky, my soon to be stepsister Sakura, and soon to be step dad Noatak.” Zane introduced which brought a more genuine smile to your face. 

“Oh wow, you guys are ice orcs aren’t you?” The dad asked. 

“Yup, we’re from the Sungilak tribe too.” Sakura volunteered. 

“Oh that’s so awesome, do you mind if we get pictures of you guys too? We’ve never met ice orcs before, you have such beautiful coloring.” The mom tried to flatter. 

“Sure.” Sakura agreed before she smiled really brightly for them as you and Noah shared a meaningful look before the family seemed satisfied they left you alone. 

“Gods, please let that be the only time that happens.” You muttered to Noah worriedly as you squeezed his hand as you walked the halls to your suite to get changed into your bathing suits since the luggage that wasn’t your carryons had already been delivered. 

You all got to your room and just as the other guests were boarding, Noah took the lifeguard aside and explained what he was about to do to you and your family and got special permission to do so since he would be throwing you guys much higher and farther than would normally be allowed but they trusted Noah for his word and his experience. 

Skylar had never screamed more gleefully in her life, even on roller coasters, she didn’t squeal so loudly and Sakura did about the same and Zane even let out a shout or five as you marveled at Noah’s strength in not only picking you up but throwing you just as high and just as far as the kids but it worked like the charm it was. Then Noah jumped and did flips in the air to calibrate himself to it and once done, all of you happily went back to the room to fully settle in and get ready for the sailing away party as Sakura got to be on your shoulders while Skylar requested to enjoy it on Noah’s shoulders and was happy to be the tallest in the crowd that was gathered. 

The first two days of the cruise were perfect, everyone got to have all their fun events that they wanted to go to and no one had issues with seasickness at all and you and Noah got to fully reconnect and Noah loved the lingerie and loved getting it off of you in record time too while the kids were in their kid’s clubs and do a lot of crafts in the oceaneers clubs. 

The third day however, the storms hit and thankfully you were in the middle of the ship so you didn’t have to have deal with the bow going up and down with the waves, but the winds and rains hitting the glass of the veranda was the scariest thing you had encountered on the sea as all three of the kids huddled close to you in your bed as Sakura was squarely on your chest, Zane was under your right arm and Skylar was under your left and Noah was on the other side of Skylar as Noah simply smiled fondly to see you comforting all your children through the storm and was relieved that none of you were faring badly because of the seasickness as you all huddled together under the blankets during the worst of the storm. 

Then after that, the storms passed and things went back to normal however, for the rest of the cruise, your family soon garnered more and more attention every time you left your cabin as Zane got an exorbitant amount of attention and “pixie dust” from just about all the kids on board because the news of “a celebrity” had traveled fast and even Noah and especially Sakura was approached a lot too, to the point that Noah actually did have to intervene and remind the other guests that you were all on a family vacation and that if they wanted pictures with ice orcs, to get them on shore with the others who were actually dressed to cater to tourists but that he and his daughter were not part of the attractions themselves and that Zane was also on a private family vacation and appreciated his privacy which Zane had never been more grateful and thankful for Noah to do as Skylar was more adoring of him in those moments than she had been yet because usually you fiercely protected Zane from “fanatical fans” but with Noah, he was the best deterrent yet and she had immediately claimed him as her step dad and had instantly started calling him "Dad" which Noah got used to pretty quick as Zane had to get a second piece of luggage to pack all of the “pixie dust” from the cruise. 

Then when you got off the boat with your luggage, Noah flew you back to your family’s new home away from home, to meet his family which your kids thought was the coolest thing to be flown in and all took turns in the cockpit with the head gear and help steer the plane and then the kids happily loaded themselves into the back of the pickup truck with their luggage and thought the Frozen Tundra was really, really pretty, with the mountains and the greens and the swaths of wild flower blooms in the other fields and you had them also pack gifts for their soon to be cousins as well, making sure that all the kids were accounted for and prayed that the kids would like the gifts as you went to Noah’s house first to unload all your luggage as Zane happily poached stickers and other items from all the “pixie dust” that he got form all his “fans” on the cruise and added them to the gift bags for a special Disney touch to them. 

You were never more relived to see Neena's family with the Noah’s family again as they still gave you the same warm welcome that they had done last time and Sakura was so proud to introduce her new siblings to all her cousins who were thrilled to get presents as you and Noah watched on, as Skylar of course, wanted to wrestle with her new boy cousins while Zane was content to simply sit and talk with his new girl cousins as they all happily played with their new things of slime happily around the card table in the game room. 

“Ok, you guys can wrestle if you want but here are the rules, no broken anything, no broken noses, wrists, elbows, knees, ankles and obviously necks, we don’t want to take anyone to the ER today, that kind of thing. No pulling hair or braids or anything like that, and anything that a bathing suit would cover is off limits and of course, honor the tap out code and only displays of good sportsmanlike conduct is allowed. And boys, if you’re not cool with a girl like Skylar getting the best of you and beating you, don’t wrestle with her in the first place. She’s had a lot of formal training. Skylar, only match what you’re about to be given, no ganging up on anyone, lets play fair, one on one or two on two or however it has to go to be even. No breaking furniture or windows or anything like that, let’s be respectful of each other and the space. No trash talking or anything like that.” You specified, making sure you made eye contact with all of them before they all eagerly nodded their agreement. 

“Ok, have at it then.” You agreed before you backed away before it descended into controlled chaos.

“Does that happen a lot?” Isla asked as she sat next to you on the couch with Summer as you all watched as Skylar happily started pinning each one down to the ground as all the boys were beyond happy and excited that a girl was willing to play this rough and could go toe to toe with them and they didn’t have to worry about holding back to keep from hurting her cause she was one tough cookie. 

“Yeah, now don’t misunderstand, the two of them could just as easily switch places. And at home, Zane is Skylar’s workout and sparring partner so he knows everything that she does martial arts wise and in school he was the one to restrain her when she would get in fights in school so he knows those holds better than she does. But he prefers to make interpersonal connections through talking. Skylar, is obviously more physical and they’ll both bond to everyone else, just through different means. And Skylar, is actually a really gifted, graceful dancer and Zane can do all kinds of lifts with her and it helps her keep her own balance in the martial arts, but she prefers the skin on skin contact and getting to know each one by playing like this.” You explained before you watched Skylar actually kick one particular boy cousin off of her with so much power he practically went flying backwards about 10 feet, a few feet off the ground as Zane saw him coming and pulled the other girl cousins out of the way so they didn’t get pulled into it and hurt as the boy got up and laughed and dove back in as the other fathers watched their sons play fight with amusement as the other women were puting the finishing touches on dinner as Noah had never beamed with so much pride at seeing Skylar seem to take on two at a time with ease and judging by all the bright smiles on all the faces of the kids, they were all definitely having fun. 

“So how was the cruise?” Noah’s brother Nago asked from the pool table.  

“Uh, it was a mixed bag honestly. The first couple of days were awesome. Then word got out that “a celebrity” was on the cruise and then it wasn’t so great. Zane has a YouTube channel about breeding ball pythons and he’s only ten but he’s already making money as a breeder and he’s actually really, really smart when it comes to their care and genetics and medical care. And so, because of that exposure, he gets recognized a lot and he got recognized on the ship and he signed more autographs than Mickey Mouse did. It was insane. And it got to the point that he had me step in and remind these people that he wasn’t at an expo, he wasn’t on this cruise for any kind of publicity but he was just on a private family vacation and it’s a good thing I have a mean glare to keep them at bay but it was the same people who objectified Sakura and I the whole time, thinking because we were ice orcs that we were part of the cruise and the experience too, that wasn’t cool and Zara showed her claws a few times trying to keep Sakura safe and not hassled either and the staff of course was really cool and understanding and helpful. And then of course we had those storms roll in and it got pretty dicey a few times and if I had not done the water tank trick on all of them and myself, all of us would have been sicker than a dog that whole time. But even with all of that going on, Zara never faltered once. She was amazing and kept everyone safe and together and having a good time and to Sakura, she just thought it was the best family vacation she had ever been on and thankfully didn’t think the attention she got was a bad thing as Skylar warmed right up to me and loved it that I was bigger and taller than anyone else on board and loved to sit on my shoulders to watch all the shows that weren’t canceled due to weather. Zane is of course reserving judgement which I can’t argue with or find fault in. So, like I said, mixed bag.” Noah surmised. 

“Well of course it wasn’t going to be perfect. Nothing ever is.” Ukluk noted. 

“No, I wasn’t expecting it to be but I just wasn’t exactly expecting what we got either.” Noah muttered as he continued to watch Skylar closely to make sure she wasn’t getting hurt before she put one of Sakura’s cousins, Kako into a choke hold. 

“Hey! Kako! Tap out, she’s gonna make you pass out buddy.” Noah suggested as Suka laughed at how his son was being put into a choke hold as Kako never looked happier to be in such a state. 

“I’m good!” Kako tried to say as he waived off his uncle in between trying to squirm out of the hold only a minute later he went limp into a pile on the floor before Skylar let him go and rolled him over with the help of his siblings and other cousins as they all cheered that she had knocked him out before they clamored for her to do the same thing to them. 

“Really?” Skylar asked. 

“Yeah!” They insisted before Skylar looked at you and then to Noah and the other dads for permission. 

“Go for it!” Nago, Yakone, Tonrar, Dave, Max and John all encouraged her. 

“If that’s what they want, go for it Sweetie.” Ukluk laughed and gave her the nod before she beamed and outright tackled the rest of them until she had all the boys passed out on the floor around her and stood and caught her breath and appraised her handiwork while Noah and his brothers and brothers in law and his father and father in law all give her high fives and teased that she needed to come over to their house for sleep overs to do that to their sons that night for bed. 

“If this was two hundred years ago, she would be getting marriage proposals left and right for that.” Isla practically cackled to you which made the rest of you laugh with her. 

“Yeah, most of the boys at school already view her as this little warrior goddess as it is. And she’s only 8, just turned 8 too, I can’t imagine what she’ll be like at 18, but my rule is, no dating while in elementary, middle or high school. If you want to date in college that’s your choice but nothing before that.” You insisted. 

“Ooh, that’s gonna be hard, especially up here, most are matched before high school graduation.” Isla grimaced. 

“Well then she’ll be one of the few who aren’t as will Zane, and Sakura. Because they’re children right now and they should focus on being kids, having fun, enjoying hobbies, learning life skills and school. Not anything romantic, they’re still growing and developing and maturing for their age, romance should be the last thing pushed onto them.” You insisted. 

“Agreed.” Noah practically boomed from across the room which made you smile even brighter as Skylar then joined Zane’s group and met all the girl cousins and sat next to Sakura and put her arm around her. 

“Can you show me how to do that?” Sakura asked Skylar. 

“And me?” The other girls chimed in. 

“Yeah sure, wait for them to wake up first.”  Skylar said as she nodded over to the boys who were still passed out before their mothers came down to get everyone. 

“What happened to the boys?” Samantha asked worriedly, seeing her sons passed out on the floor. 

“Oh Sammie, you should have been here! So the boys found out that Skylar can wrestle, asked her to put them in choke holds which she did! It was the single coolest thing I’ve ever seen.” Nago laughed giddily as he went over to his boys and picked up their arms and let the arms drop. 

“The boys...asked for this?” Samantha repeated. 

“Yeah, and of course I was cool with it and gave her permission too.” Nago insisted. 

“We all did.” All the guys insisted. 

“...ok. Well dinner is ready, and they need to wake up for dinner.” Samantha insisted before all the guys murmured their agreement and woke up their sons who almost jolted awake.

“Hey bud, how do you feel?” Suka asked Kako. 

“I feel fine, that was really fun!” Kako beamed happily. 

“Good, I’m glad you had fun, time for dinner.” Suka insisted as he helped his son to his feet before all the other boys as they all happily got up and went upstairs and happily told their mothers all about how awesome Skylar was and how she plays just as rough as they do which made their mothers happy to hear that they were getting along and you and Noah were finally relieved that this time, things were going much smoother.

[novadreii]

teef rant

the amount of posts i see floating around the internet from people who say they never brush or floss their teeth is so alarming. most recently i saw a reddit post where the OP said he has brushed his teeth maybe 350 times...in the last 10 years. no floss. no dentist visits. now his teeth are rotting out of his head and his gums bleed constantly and he has no choice but to go to the dentist for a very painful and expensive visit.

another memorable one was someone who regularly woke up in the middle of the night feeling snackish (which i mean, been there), and opted to fall asleep with a “mouthful of chocolate or chips” as they put it because brushing their teeth after a midnight snack would “defeat the purpose” if they had to wash out the taste of their snack and replace it with minty toothpaste. -_-

on one hand i really don’t blame the majority of these people; if you’re a kid and your parents don’t drill the importance of dental health into you and stay on your ass to make sure you develop the habit, chances are you won’t do it. compound that with not being able to afford the dentist or insurance, and it’s gonna be a bad time.

hell, i take meticulous care of my teeth and always have thanks to my parents who cared about this kind of stuff. i usually brush within an hour of eating something, i don’t let food particles/sugar sit in there all day. i floss every single night. i apply this nasty calcium paste before bed to strengthen my enamel. and i STILL had two very small cavities in the past 5 years, caught early because i will beg borrow and steal to at least see my dentist once a year. dental insurance makes no sense here because of the stupid high deductibles, you are better off paying for checkups and the odd cavity if your dental heath is pretty good. but the couple hundred i spend on checkups each year has saved me thousands of dollars in fillings and root canals.

all this to say that we need to take dental health more seriously as a society. dental health is healthcare, and the hoops lower-income people have tojump through to obtain affordable dental care is unacceptable!!!

people don’t even understand how serious gum disease and infections can be, they can spread to your fucking heart!! there’s just no education and no funding. so we have swaths of people who think dental hygiene is just cosmetic bullshit they can opt out of, until they have no choice.

the mechanisms of how cavities form and the basic physiology of teeth and how to care for them should be part of the standard curriculum in kindergarten. and kids under 18 should at least be getting free yearly checkups and routine dental work. it’s such a massive societal failing (among many), especially when the worst dental problems are so stupidly easily preventable.

[davidcampiti]

A SCREENPLAY IS NOT A COMIC BOOK SCRIPT

I'm frustrated by writers who hire a comicbook artist then send a screenplay as their script.  My first question to them is, "Are you hiring one of our writers to adapt this into a comic book script?"  Usually they'll respond, "No that's the script to work from."

But it's not.  

Word balloons aren't broken out or numbered, SFX aren't identified, the pacing is wrong, and most panel descriptions are missing, causing the artist and the editor to do twice as much work without a corresponding increase in pay.

Here's a good article from Nick Macari about the differences --

I think you’d be hard pressed to find some work of fiction, some type of writing, that you could NOT turn into a comic. That is to say, you could create a comic from notes on bar napkins, a published novel, heck I bet you could even create a comic using nothing but a movie as the source material.

If you’re making a comic yourself, like literally by yourself, it doesn’t really matter how you do it… only the final product matters. If you have some crazy process that gets you a beautiful finished product, good on ya mate.

But for those writing spec scripts, trying to write for others, or trying to entice others to their project, it pays to create scripts that open doors instead of closing them.

In 2020, there are a million writers writing screenplays and pawning them off as comic scripts.

If you want to be one of those guys… as you were.

But if you actually want to write comics, if you want to be a comic book writer, you should learn how to write an actual comic book script, not how to sell some other script as one.

There are lot of useful technique comics can borrow from screenplays.

For the innocent novice writer, it’s understandable to see some technical execution confusion. But for working and professional writers, knowing what transfers over and what doesn’t separates the riff from the raff.

Before we get into it, let’s put to bed, once and for all, why a straight screenplay script is not a comic script. Here’s why;

Director Production Designer Art Director Costume Designer Cinematographer … Camera Assistant Director of Photography Scenic Artist Set Decorator Storyboard artist … Makeup artist Wardrobe stylist Assistant Director Production Assistant Production Coordinator Production Designer … Script Supervisor Sound Mixer Special Effects Coordinator

oh yeah, and actors.

These are a few of the people involved in a film.

Individual roles dedicated to a specific area of production. In essence, a screenplay can deliver fairly minimal information and it’s someone’s specific job to interpret that information, its context, and otherwise apply their knowledge, experience and skill, to turn that information into some tangible, successful element.

If you think it’s the artist’s job to fill all these roles, you’re crazy… and mean to artists.

Ok, you still here?

Good.

Let’s showcase some specific examples of why a screenplay doesn’t hold up for comics;

THE FRENCH CONNECTION

Drug Dealer I don’t…

Doyle Ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?

Drug Dealer What?

Doyle Did you ever pick your feet in Poughkeepsie?

Drug Dealer I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.

Doyle Were you ever in Poughkeepsie?

Drug Dealer No… yeah…

Doyle Did you ever sit on the edge of a bed, take off your socks and stick your fingers between your toes?

Drug Dealer Man, I’m clean.

Doyle You made three sales to your roaches back there. We had to chase you though all this shit and you tell me you’re clean?

Russo Who stuck up the laundromat?

Doyle How about that time you were picking your feet in Pougheepsie?

The drug dealers’ eyes go to Russo in panic, looking for the relief from the pressure of the inquisition.

Russo (in pain) You better give me the guy who got the old Jew or you better give me something or you’re just a memory in this town.

Drug Dealer That’s a lot o’ shit. I didn’t do nothin’.

14 dialogue exchanges, with for all intents and purposes not a single visual description (one minor one toward the end about the dealer’s eyes.). This is likely at least one page of comic with this volume of exchanges and dialogue, and there is literally, nothing cuing the artist as to how this should go down.

THE FRENCH CONNECTION

Mutchie

That’s right, he couldn’t fight legit. One night at the Garden about 1950, ’51—he fought either Jake LaMotta or Gus Lesnevish, I think it was—he took one o’those cream puff punches in the sixth—the laziest left you ever seen—missed him entirely. Down goes Blackjack without even workin’ up a sweat and the whole Garden gets up on its feet and I swear to Christ, everybody starts singin’ “Dance with Me Henry.”

75 words. Way too much for a single panel.

How many ways can you break the dialogue into how many panels?

Is one way to break it up more effective than the others?

Because if it is, and that’s NOT the method you write up, you’re producing a less effective script.

But ultimately, what works in film as a 30 second monologue (doesn’t work in comics), would be far more effective as caption narration over flashback action.

THE EXORCIST

EXTERIOR – IRAQ- NINEVEH- DAY

The old man arrives back at that dig site in a small jeep. As he pulls up two armed guards rush out. When they see who it is the old man gives them a wave and they slowly walk back to there quarters. The old man walks up the rocky mound and sees a huge statue of the demon Pazuzu, which has the head of the small rock he earlier found. He climbs to a higher point to get a closer look. When he reaches the highest point he looks at the statue dead on. He then turns his head as we hear rocks falling and sees a guard standing behind him. He then turns again when he hears two dogs savagely attacking each other. The noise is something of an evil nature. He looks again at the statue and we are then presented with a classic stand off side view of the old man and the statue as the noises rage on. We then fade to the sun slowly setting as the noises lower in volume.

Hey! this has some nice direction, this screenplay stuff is perfect for a comic.

NO.

Let’s break it down;

The old man arrives back at that dig site in a small jeep. As he pulls up two armed guards rush out. When they see who it is the old man gives them a wave and they slowly walk back to there quarters. The old man walks up the rocky mound and sees a huge statue of the demon Pazuzu, which has the head of the small rock he earlier found. He climbs to a higher point to get a closer look. When he reaches the highest point he looks at the statue dead on. He then turns his head as we hear rocks falling and sees a guard standing behind him. He then turns again when he hears two dogs savagely attacking each other. The noise is something of an evil nature. He looks again at the statue and we are then presented with a classic stand off side view of the old man and the statue as the noises rage on. We then fade to the sun slowly setting as the noises lower in volume.

This passage is 15 beats, give or take. One beat a panel, 3-5 panels per page, we’ve got 3-5 pages of comic in this passage alone.

Hang on we’re not done.

If you fill your page with this type of description (you shouldn’t, but let’s say you did), you could get almost double that amount of beats. So one page of screenplay delivering nearly 6-10 pages of comic content!

Tell me, when was the last time someone delivering a screenplay “comic script,” delivered a 2 page script for a complete issue?    Never says I.

BONUS on this example:

Did y’all notice the soundtrack emphasis in this excerpt from the Exorcist script? Of course you can have sound effects in a comic, but no matter how you crack it, comics DO NOT have soundtracks. Relying on film soundtracks in a comic script is a sure fire way to deliver less effective scripts.

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA

JACK Alright, where’s my truck, Wang? I’m outta here. And my money, too.

WANG Forget about your truck, Jack. You don’t wanna go back there. You’ll have to go through the Wing Kong to get it. It’s insured, right?

JACK Of course it is. But that’s not the point.

WANG The smart man comes back for it later…

JACK The smart man calls the cops!

WANG Cops have better things to do than get killed.

We showed the typical lack of visual description a screenplay gives in the first example. [Screenplays tend to focus on the scene setup, then briefly hit key actions of the scene.] Here we have another example of missing visual description, but I point it out for something more specific–LACK OF EMOTIONAL context.

As I point out in the Writer’s Guide, Emotional content is one of the essential elements of each and every comic panel. So not only do we not have visual cues to support the action in the screenplay, but how are the characters delivering these lines!?

JACK Alright, where’s my truck, Wang? I’m outta here. And my money, too.

How many ways can you say this line?

I can say it pissed. Irritated. Fearful. Sarcastically. Comically.  Those are just a few that pop in my head… and I’m no actor.

Leaving emotional context open to interpretation undermines narrative control–in a big way.

A good, effective scene, could die a horrible misinterpreted death.

For the record, you can use parentheticals in a screenplay. This can give emotional context, like the one from Jack’s first line I omitted to make the example more effective

JACK (pissed off)

But where parentheticals do contain emotional context, you use them in a script sparingly. Just like you don’t tell the director how to do his job filling your screenplay with camera direction, you don’t try to tell the actors how to do theirs. (Remember, the answer to why Screenplays aren’t Comic Scripts, there’s a lot of people, hopefully professionals, bringing their expertise to the table.)

CASABLANCA

Ilsa Your secret will be safe with me. Ferrari is waiting for our answer.

At the bar Ferrari talks to a waiter.

Ferrari Not more than fifty francs though.

Ilsa and Laszlo walk up to him.

Laszlo We’ve decided, Signor Ferrari. For the president we’ll go on looking for two exit visas. Thank you very much.

Ferrari Well, good luck. But be careful. ( a flick of his eyes in the direction of the bazaar) You know you’re being shadowed.

Laszlo glances in the direction of the bazaar.

Screenplays live in movement. Unless you’ve got a static insert of a letter or photo or something, everything is in motion and there is constant change (even if subtle) from micro-second, to micro-second.

While comics work to capture movement (and  there are some tricks), it is ultimately a static medium, locked into showcasing moments frozen in time.

What I explain in the “works in movies not in comics article” is that the constant movement and motion, supported (primarily) by actors, but by the lighting people, the art direction people, director, etc. all gives depth and purpose to every single second of a film.

With all these people doing their job, a screenplay can give super general stage direction, like what we see here in this Casablanca excerpt.

At the bar Ferrari talks to a waiter.

Ilsa and Laszlo walk up to him.

Laszlo glances in the direction of the bazaar.

These trivial actions carry no narrative. They work in film because of performance and motion, which steps in to create narrative.Without performance and motion, a single frame captured from core stage direction translates to ineffective comic panels.

By the way, all the examples I’m giving here, are from solid movies. The big pink elephant in the room when writers deliver “comic screenplay scripts,” is that they assume they know how to write a good screenplay in the first place. Trust me, novice writers rarely do.

There’s a lot of technique and skill in writing a solid screenplay. And if you think a good screenplay causes problems converting to a comic, wait till you try it from a shitty screenplay.

Still thinkin’ screenplay is synonymous with comic script? Well you’re wrong sunshine, but what do I know?

I’m just a non-famous full-time mercenary writer, writing almost exclusively in comics and games for a decade or so. :p

I’ve spent a few hours writing this article, but there are plenty of other examples I haven’t touched on.

I’ll come back and add some more as I think of them in my down time. Maybe eventually when the list is so long it takes you a couple hours to read this article,  y’all get it through your noggins that comics are there own medium which demand the attention and respect of a unique format and writing approach. Something the comic book writers reading this, already know. #justsayin

About the Author — Nick Macari is a full-time freelance story consultant, developmental editor and writer, working primarily in the independent gaming and comic markets. His first published comic appeared on shelves via Diamond in the late 90’s. Today you can find his comic work on comixology, amazon and in select stores around the U.S.  Visit NickMacari.com for social media contacts and news on his latest releases.

[peralta-guaranteed]

Can you hear me, S.O.S., help me put my mind to rest

“Sorry they made you come out for something so stupid.” He mumbles, finally, in the elevator up to his apartment. “It’s not stupid.” “It’s 1am on a sunday, I’m pretty sure you had better things to do than pick up a beat-up co-worker and buy him his drugs.” He shoots her a quick glance as they get out on his floor. “I’m gonna pay you back for those, of course.” She doesn’t even acknowledge it, because they both know he can’t afford it. “It’s actually 12:30, and my partner needed my help. So there’s definitely nothing better to do with my time.”

---*---

Amy is Jake’s emergency contact on his medical file, which makes sense if you think about them as the lovey-dovey couple that they are now. She has been his emergency contact since two months after he’d met her, which makes less sense, until you realise that she is reliable, comforting, supportive Amy, and he is Jake, and he has never not been yearning for her attention just a little bit.

read it on AO3

 “Jesus Christ, Jake. I know you’re bad at paperwork, but this is a horror show.”

 Amy rubs her eyes with the palms of her hands, trying to stare down the little stars that appear in her vision from doing so. Jake, across the room on his worn-down couch, eating something very sweet and very crumbly - a cannoli, maybe? it was gone too fast for Amy to recognise - simply shrugs.

 “You don’t have to do it, Ames, you know that.”

 She does. She knows. She offered, after all.

 Maybe it was too early for something like this, anyway. They’d been officially together for barely a month, a stage where most other couples would still be discovering each other’s little likes and dislikes and trying to hide some imperfections from the other. Definitely not the stage of going through their partner’s chaotic mountain of very personal paperwork and files. Yet here she is, sorting through insurances (the rare few that Jake actually has, mostly because he’s legally required to), licenses, bills and Academy certificates.

 It was a mess that had Amy’s fingers itching every time she saw it, she reasons, and nothing they’d done in their month together really fit the usual trajectory of a relationship anyway, based on the fact that they already knew each other like the back of their hands. So when Jake had groaned about another forgotten bill from the mail tub that Amy forced him to steadily work through every time she came over, she’d offered to get things straightened out for him once and for all.

 She’s not sure if she regrets it now. Thumbing through a pile of loose papers that turn out to be several medical records from his injuries as a rookie cop, she realises that maybe this is a bit too personal, a step too close for what they have so far. Would she be willing to share this kind of information with a boyfriend of four weeks? she wonders as she skims over a page detailing the frankly insane amount of medication he was supposed to take after another week-long stay at the hospital. She’s quite sure he took barely half of it, gritting his teeth and moaning about stupid doctors instead, even though she didn’t know him back then - she knows him too well now not to immediately picture a slightly younger Jake with a list of weird-sounding pills he couldn’t pronounce and a giant frown on his face at the pharmacy.

 “I don’t have to- I mean, I can stop. If you don’t want me to do this.”

 Jake, finished with whatever he was eating, leans back on the couch to face her at the tiny table in his kitchenette. He gives her the patented Peralta-grin, the sweetness only heightened by some leftover cream-filling (definitely a cannoli) on his right cheek. She has half a mind to get up and lick it off, but she’s blocked in by paper piles all around her.

 “And keep Amy Santiago from a chance to file paperwork? Pretty sure that’d be grounds for a break-up. I’m surprised you haven’t run out to buy me a filing cabinet filled with all sorts of folders and tabs and whatnot.”

 She lets her eyes drop back down to the papers in her hands, trying hard not to show him the blush creeping onto her face. She had been making a mental list of what binders she should buy to really get this in order.

 “I’m just saying, if you don’t want me to see some of this- it’s very private information-”

 “Babe.” He still grins, and Amy thinks about how that pet name has settled between them far too quickly and far too comfortably as well. “Pretty sure nothing in that mountain of papers is any more embarrassing than all the stuff you already know and tease me about all the time.”

 “True. It’s not like I’m going to find out here why you think using the same soap for your dishes and your shower routine sometimes is an okay thing to do.” She grins back before filing away another old medical record, suddenly getting stuck on one little line at the top of it. “Jake, please tell me Stevie Schillens is      not     still your emergency contact.”

 “What? No. Of course he isn't. They make you update your info with every promotion at work.” That alone tells her that if ‘they’ didn’t, Jake would definitely still have a co-worker from his starting days on his files rather than, say, his current sergeant or a close friend. She shuffles through a few papers to find a more recent record.

 “Who is it, then? Might be good to update again and reconsider, promotion or not. Your mom is like half an hour’s drive away if anything happened, Terry can’t really get away from his family if it’s after hours. I wouldn’t trust Charles not to break down worse than you if he ever gets a call, and Rosa- I guess she’s responsible enough, but she might hurt you more for giving out her phone number-”

 “Really, Ames?” His voice is so soft from the couch, and when she finally looks up again, his face has that strange tilt to it, between affectionate and amused. As if she’d just said the most ridiculous, yet adorable thing in the universe. As if the answer wasn’t completely obvious.

 She looks down again at the paper she picked up, a medical report from a while ago, and as she reads the little line on top, she remembers.

-*-

 “Amy Santiago?”

 “This is she.”

 The voice down the line is as foreign as the number on her cell had been when she picked it up. She didn’t get many calls on her private phone anyway, apart from her family, and they were not the kind of people who’d call her at midnight on a saturday.

 “This is NewYork-Presbyterian Brooklyn Methodist Hospital. We’re calling on behalf of Jake Peralta? You’re listed as his emergency contact, but there is no additional info on your status-”

 She’s up off the couch and into her bedroom to change into jeans before the nurse on the line can even finish.

 “I’m his partner. Work. Partner. We’re detectives. NYPD.” Amy almost barks down the line while wedging the phone between her shoulder and ear to pull down her sweatpants. Jake would obviously carry his badge even when he wasn’t on duty like tonight, but maybe they hadn’t found it, maybe he hadn’t been able to give them that info... and while it was slightly upsetting to think about, she knew that the hospital would give fast-tracks and special treatments to active cops, and if that was something that could help him now, the morality of it all didn’t matter one bit to her. “What’s happened? Is he- is Jake okay?”

Obviously he’s not, you idiot, he’s in the hospital and not present enough to give them any information so they have to call his emergency contact, that is the furthest from okay that he could be-  

 Her inner scolding is interrupted by the very calm, very soothing voice of the nurse.

 “He should be fine. He was brought in ten minutes ago. Somebody assaulted him, but a nearby officer intervened and called for an ambulance. We just needed to check because his files are very… incomplete.” Amy hears the rustling of paper and the slight distaste tinging the nurse’s voice and makes a mental note to sit down with Jake and make him update all his information as soon as possible. “And he’s not clear enough to answer any questions due to the painkillers. Are you aware of any allergies or problems that could arise from medications? He doesn’t need surgery, but we have to treat some lacerations and other wounds.”

 “He’s not on any permanent medications. He had to take Vicodin and Heparin after a surgery four months ago.” She replies immediately and without a doubt, remembering her last trip to the hospital with him while she slips into a jacket and checks her bag for her purse and car keys. “Oh, he has asthma, but hasn’t had an attack in years, so he doesn’t use his inhaler regularly or anything. And he’s allergic to bees, but I don’t think that matters?”

 “No.” the nurse almost chuckles. “But the rest is very helpful to know, thanks. Will you be able to arrange for someone to monitor him for the next 24 hours? Otherwise we’ll need to prepare a room for him. He keeps saying you’ll pick him up, but we weren’t sure-”    “I’m on my way.”

-*-

 She speed-walks to the front desk of the emergency room not ten minutes later.

 “Hello. My name is Amy Santiago. I’m here for Jake Peralta - he was brought in twenty minutes ago?”

 “Ah! The lovely lady detective.” The nurse - it’s a different one from the phone call, she can tell from the voice - gives her a weird sort of smile. “Yes, he’s been asking for you non-stop. But the painkillers should have worn off by now, so he might be more coherent.”

 She tries to ignore that comment, she really does. But it’s not easy.

 “The doctor’s going over aftercare with him, so he might be a few more minutes. You can take a seat if you’d like.”

 Amy glances over to the waiting area, full of people even at this time of night, before turning back to the desk. “Uhm, the nurse on the phone said he needs to be monitored for 24 hours - do you know why? Is there anything I need to be aware of?”

 The lady gives her a once-over before another strange smile, like she knows more than Amy does (which, logically, in this situation she does, but it feels like she knows something else, too).

 “He’s had a minor concussion. Nothing to worry about, but he might be a bit disoriented or woozy, so it’s best not to leave him alone. And if he throws up or feels faint, you should bring him back immediately. He has a check-up appointment to remove his stitches in three days. Everything else you need to know will be on his report.”

 “Sure.” Amy nods, and hopes that Jake doesn’t lose track of that report on his way from the examination room to the waiting area - it wouldn’t be the first time he manages to lose paperwork in record time. She gives the still smiling nurse another nod before finally heading to sit down and pull out the crossword puzzle she was halfway done with when she got the call.

 “Hey.”

 “Oh! Hey!” Amy practically drops her puzzle and jumps from her seat in the waiting room once she sees him standing in front of her.

 Jake looks a mess. His leather jacket is ripped on one shoulder seam, and his jeans are covered in grime. There’s an awful lot of blood on his hoodie - probably from his nose, which is covered in a bandage - and his face is more red-bruised than pale in most places. There’s another, bigger bandage over a stitched-up gash across his left cheekbone, the accompanying eye blood-shot, and his lip is split in at least two places.

 “You look like hell.” She blurts out before thinking and immediately scolds herself, but it actually earns her a little laugh.

 “You’re looking lovely as well, Santiago.” His eyes wander over her messy ‘I had to get here in under ten minutes on a saturday couch night’ look, including a steadily unraveling hair-bun and oversized sweater.

 “Sorry, I mean-”

 “S’alright.” He drops into the seat next to her and winces. More bruises, Amy thinks.

 “What happened?” She sits back down as he leans forward, only now noting the clipboard and pen in his hands (which are equally roughed up, knuckles worn down, with scabs already forming. Whatever had happened, he sure hadn’t given in easily).

 “Some big-shot guy whose dealer I arrested last week spotted me coming out of a bar. Decided the best way to deal with his crippling drug addiction was to beat the shit out of the cop who’d cut off his supply. He was, like, a giant of a dude.” Jake puffs up his chest and raises his arms to show the supposed size of the man, and Amy can only nod. “Luckily he was too stupid to check for surveillance on the very public street we were on, and there was a beat cop on the corner who cuffed him pretty quickly.” He looks down again at the clipboard, and tries to scratch his nose before remembering there’s a bandage in the way. “He also called an ambulance, which I think was a bit over the top, but I couldn’t really breathe to tell him no.”

 Amy gives him a quizzical look, and he sighs before explaining.

 “Fucker punched me in the chest so hard I had an asthma attack.”

 She snorts. She doesn’t want to, but it’s not really something you can stop, even as she clutches her hand over her mouth in embarrassment.

 “I’m sorry, Jake, I shouldn’t- it’s not funny-”

 “Well.” He grins at her, far softer than usual, but that might just be to not upset his split lip. “It is a little bit funny, I guess.”

 “Do you have an inhaler at work? You should take one with you, you know, even if you haven’t had problems for a while, you never know when they show up again, case in point, and people might not know what to do - maybe I should get an inhaler too, for when we’re working together, and make sure Charles knows how-”

 “Hey.” He interrupts her verbal stream of consciousness by holding the clipboard up to her, and she grabs it reflexively the same way she does when he sneakily slips her his unfinished paperwork. “Can you help me fill out these stupid forms? I think I’m still a bit high from whatever they gave me back there, or maybe I just don’t know half of these words anyway.”

 She grabs the pen from him as well, clicks it twice, and gets to work. She doesn’t even have to ask him about most of the fields he’s left blank, and after a minute or two, the file is full with both his chicken scratch and her perfect handwriting. She’s filled out so many of these forms for him before, she could probably do it in her sleep. Which would be quite a worrying thought if it wasn’t so weirdly sweet at the same time - she realises that he has never, not once, asked anyone else for a ride to the hospital for work injuries, at least when he had the choice (and luckily, he was barely ever so hurt that he couldn’t, that any one of them had to jump into the back of the ambulance with him, but most of those times it was her as well).

 “Here.” She hands the file back to him. “Get that to the nurses, and we can go back to your place so you can catch up on sleep. Do you have your medical report?”

 He nods and swaps it for the clipboard in her hand in a well-set routine they both know, getting up to hand it in while she does a quick read through. There are not that many after-care instructions - the usual things for concussions she’s aware of, a healing balm for the bruising, replacing the bandages regularly, and another truckload of painkillers and medicine. The doctors sure do seem to love pumping him full with it whenever they get a chance, and he sure does love to ignore them and not take any of it. She still makes a mental note to swing by the pharmacy on their way home to pick it all up when he gets back and gestures for her to leave.

 He does a dramatic turn and bow to say good-bye to the front desk as they pass it, earning himself a giggle from the ladies and swaying only a little after he gets back up. Amy has her hands around his elbow immediately, steadying him and leading him outside - they did say he would be woozy - and the nurse gives her another one of those smiles. She’s still not quite sure if she likes them or not.

-*-

 They stop at the late-night-pharmacy as planned - Jake obeys orders to stay in the car to make it all quicker, but insists on getting a bag of sour gummies as a reward, and Amy sighs as he tears into it right away, probably covering her whole passenger seat with the powder - but the rest of the drive stays quiet. It feels more concerning to Amy than it should. He’s a blabbermouth at the best of times, should be even more so after being loaded up with painkillers and coming down from the adrenaline high of a fight, asthma attack and hospital treatment all at once. But right now he seems utterly silenced, fidgety and... nervous.

 “Sorry they made you come out for something so stupid.” He mumbles, finally, in the elevator up to his apartment.

 “It’s not stupid.”

 “It’s 1am on a sunday, I’m pretty sure you had better things to do than pick up a beat-up co-worker and buy him his drugs.” He shoots her a quick glance as they get out on his floor. “I’m gonna pay you back for those, of course.” She doesn’t even acknowledge it, because they both know he can’t afford it.

 “It’s actually 12:30, and my partner needed my help. So there’s definitely nothing better to do with my time.”

 He mumbles something else as they step through the door, but she doesn’t catch it. She helps him slip out of his jacket instead, reminds herself to google a good tailor that works with leather as she notices the ripped shoulder while hanging it up and turns around to look at the blood-stained hoodie he’s taking off.

 “I don’t think that thing is salvageable.”

 “Damn, and it was one of my favourites, too.” He pouts, playfully, before remembering his injured lip.

 “All your hoodies are your favourite.”

 “Am I not allowed to love them all equally?”

 Amy is already in his kitchen not answering that, instead bundling the hoodie up and into a trash bag she’s pulled from a shelf. She’ll take it down to the dumpster with her when she leaves tomorrow, or else he might try and wash it.

 “You don’t have to do all this, you know.” Jake says as she walks past him to put the bag on the front mat. “I can take care of my clothes.”

 “Sorry.” She halts and takes off her own jacket and shoes, instead. It’s a strange situation - they’re both used to Jake being a lot more inhibited from medication or alcohol when she literally has to bring him home, usually hanging onto Amy’s shoulders and babbling nonsense while she shuffles him into bed. But now he’s standing up all on his own, silent again, looking around the place as if he doesn’t know what to do in his own home with Amy as a not-quite-guest. Neither does she.

 Another beat of silence passes between them before Jake clears his throat and bumbles on.

 “You should- ...do you want something to drink? I think I still have some of that herbal stuff you brought-”

 “You should-” Amy starts at almost the same time, silencing them both again for another beat. “You should change out of these” she gestures to his dirty clothes “and put the balm on your bruises and get ready for bed. You’re gonna crash from the adrenaline soon.”

 It seems like he wants to say something else, but the silence is deafening by now, so he only nods and grabs stuff out of the pharmacy bag before heading to the bathroom.

 “I’m gonna grab a spare shirt for me to sleep in, if that’s okay?” She calls after him and only hears ‘Sure!’ before the door closes.

 Amy realises, as she turns around for the dresser in the one room apartment he inherited from Gina a while ago, that she’s never been here before without some medical emergency clouding her vision. She knew his old place - from a few late evenings working on case files (which he illegally took home, but neither of them mentioned that), and a movie marathon when he was extremely sick and had begged her over on her day off because he was convinced he was ‘going to die any minute’ and didn’t want the neighbours to find his ‘decomposing corpse later in the week’ - and he’d been over at hers far more times than she could count (her place was nicer, she had actual cable tv,, and a working kitchen for him to rustle around in for random late night snacks).

 But this apartment? It seems strangely foreign now, without a drunk or medicated Jake needing her help, without the usual distraction of getting him into bed, getting his shoes and jacket off, forcing him awake to take some aspirin and then settling down on the couch to his snoring. She feels like a guest instead, someone who doesn’t know if they’re allowed to sit down or get a drink from the kitchen without being invited. That’s nonsense, she thinks - she’s here to help like always, and there’s no way Jake would care if she turned his entire kitchen upside down and re-organised it or fell asleep on the couch right then and there.

 Loud grumbling and ranting from the bathroom pulls her out of her thoughts, before she can even decide to pick up the spare bedding set for the couch she knows he keeps in his closet.

 “Everything alright?” She knocks on the door, but barely waits for the angry ‘No!’ before opening it. Her breath catches.

 Jake’s in his pajama pants, and - that’s it. She can see the muscles in his bare back flex as well as the reflection of his front in the mirror, as he tries to bend around in some convoluted way to reach the large, purple bruise that travels from his waist to his back.

 “Stupid doctors and their stupid lotions and stupid ideas for people who can’t do yoga or some shit to reach their own back-” he mumbles, but Amy doesn’t hear much of it. She’s seen Jake shirtless before - you don’t go on stake-outs or undercover assignments without catching each other in different states of undress at some point - and every time has been a secret memory, quickly stolen and hidden somewhere deep in her mind, to be dusted off and remembered at the most inopportune times or when she feels particularly alone after a drink (or maybe four). This time will probably be no different, she thinks as she notes the soft trail of hair under his belly button, down to the sweatpants that definitely sit lower than any jeans she’s seen him shirtless in before.

 She has to act, she reprimands herself, before he notices, before he sees her staring or realises she’s blushing, so she steps up to the sink and pulls the tub of healing balm from his hands.

 “It’s not the doctors’ fault you always get injured in inconvenient places.” She answers his rant while dipping her fingers into the lotion and carefully applying it to the bruise, trying not to rub or press too hard for it to hurt.

 Jake doesn’t breathe the entire time her fingers are on his skin.

 “There you go.” Amy closes the little tub and puts it next to the sink, eyeing his bruised face and completely ignoring the flush that is hiding underneath it. “Lemme change your bandages before you sleep, too. You already got them dirty.”

 “I can do that-”

 “You’re going to rip it straight off and disturb your stitches, most likely.” Her hands are already at the corner of his cheek, carefully prying off the tape and strips, and he forgets how to breathe again.

 She replaces the bandages just as carefully and leaves him to the rest of his night time routine, filling a glass of water in the kitchenette and coming back with a packet of Vicodin at the same moment he steps out of the bathroom, finally pulling a shirt over his head.

 “You should take some painkillers before you sleep. It’ll help.”

 “Oh goodie.” He quips and eyes the water. “Drugs! Because the injuries totally weren’t caused because of somebody off their drugs!”

 “These are prescription drugs. It’s different. You know that.”

 He still stares warily at the package in her hand, but another shuffle forward from her and he grabs them and pops one into his mouth, grimacing after downing it (whether that grimace is for the medicine or the water he actually has to drink, she’s not sure).

 “Good boy.” Amy jokes, and he’s glad he’s already swallowed so he can’t choke on his water from hearing that. “Now get some sleep in. I’ll be down here on the couch if you need anything, or feel worse.”

 “Don’t go-” He stutters and stares right past her head at the aforementioned couch. “I mean, you don’t- you don’t have to sleep on the couch, I know how uncomfortable it is- you can sleep with me- I mean, in the bed, with me in the bed, I mean- there’s enough space- with the extra blanket- I don’t-”

 He interrupts his own rambling with a deep sigh and a ‘Jesus, Jake’ before Amy can stifle another giggle. He feels just as awkward with her here as she does, and it almost makes the whole thing more comfortable. They’ll just have to power through the nonsense and get back to their normal friendly behaviour, she reasons.

 “If you really don’t mind. I’m gonna get the stuff from the closet.”

 He’s already bundled up under his own covers when she comes back with the heap of blanket and pillows for her side of the bed.

 It’s not her side, of course, it’s just the part of the bed he’s freed up from his own duvet, and that she’s going to sleep on now for one night, but it’s not like they have sides in their bed like-

power through the nonsense, she repeats as she settles down and stares over at him. His eyes are closed, his breath already slowing down into a sleepy pattern, and despite all the bruising and bandaging, his face looks so soft when he’s asleep. It’s a sight she could definitely get used to.

-*-

 She remembers waking up the next morning, far too early for the late night they’d had. She remembers how wonderfully warm he was, hurt face buried in her shoulder and softly breathing across his shirt that she’d borrowed. She remembers her heart racing as she tried to untangle herself from the cuddling position their sleeping bodies had found themselves in, and she remembers the soft, quiet, confused ‘Ames..?’ when he woke up a few hours later and found the bed empty, with her already sitting at the tiny kitchen table she was sitting at right now.

 Looking back at the report of the night she just remembered, the little line of her name and phone number at the top seem to glare at her, scolding her for her stupid question about emergency contact changes. She can hear Jake quietly laugh before she looks up.

 “What, did you genuinely think you weren’t my first pick for emergencies?” Jake is still smiling at her, and she realises he obviously didn’t go down that little trip down memory lane with her. Maybe he was even still at the point of their conversation where Stevie Schillens was a viable option for an emergency contact as well. “Like, even without everything else going on with us… You love filling out forms, you’re responsible enough to actually take care of an emergency situation, and you know about all my stupid medical info better than me, because you keep driving me to the hospital from work.”

 “You’re saying you made a serious decision like this based on actual logical evidence instead of one of your ‘gut feelings’?” Amy’s eyebrow raises almost involuntary. Present-Jake, maybe. Past-Jake? Definitely not.

 Present-Jake can only shrug before scratching his nose, a subtle tell that she's identified by now for when he’s embarrassed, as if he’s trying to hide his face before speaking again.

 “Might’ve also liked the idea of having you in the ER with me... instead of a freaked-out Charles or something.”

 She smiles at what sounds like only half-explained truth and decides not to push it. She knows what he means, anyway. She knows, by now, that he would always ask the nurses for her when he was being treated, would always ramble on about her when blissed out on extra-strong painkillers, about how smart she was and how much she would help him and how much he hated hospitals, but not quite so much when he knew she was outside the room waiting for him.

 “Okay, but when exactly did you put me in as your emergency contact?” She puts down the last file and maneuvers around the stacks of yet unsorted papers to get over to him and the couch.

 “Eh, ‘bout two months after we were partnered up.”

 “Two- we didn’t even like each other then!”

 “Wrong. You didn’t like me.” Another nose-scratch before Amy can sit down next to him, cradling his face in her hand and smiling again at how quickly he leans into it.

 “Aw, babe. I’m sorry, that was rude of me.”

 “I mean, I didn’t like-like you then. Just for the record. I wasn’t that desperate, okay? I just thought you were... neat. And really good to have around for emergencies. Probably should’ve asked you. For all I know you would’ve stranded your annoying new partner at the hospital and pretended like you never heard of me.”

 “I would have never done that!” Amy glowers at him. “Just for the record as well. I would’ve absolutely taken care of you, even though I didn’t like you or found you super annoying.”

 “I know you’re trying to be nice right now, babe, but you’re really not doing it well.” Jake grins at her again, and she can’t help but pull him towards her to kiss that snarky grin away. It reappears as soon as her lips leave his, unfortunately, but it is decidedly less snarky and far more dopey.

 “And I did show up when they called me after that drug addict attacked you, remember? I was so worried when I got that call, because I didn’t even know I was your contact, and I thought something horrible must’ve happened that they had to call me. And then it was just a fist fight.”

 “Sorry.” He mumbles. “It was a really stupid reason to call an emergency contact. Shoulda filled my forms out better.”

 “Maybe.” She smiles as she strokes across his cheek, noting the tiny scar that is still there from the stitches he had to get. “But I’m glad they did, anyway. You would’ve tried to drive yourself home and clean your wounds with mouthwash, or something.”

 “Maybe.” He echoes with an equal smile. “You do make a better home-nurse than I would, I guess. Even though you were missing the sexy outfit.”

 He earns himself a punch to the arm for that before she goes back to playing with his hair, soothing him enough that he drops the joking facade.

 “I was really happy you showed up, by the way. And took me home. And didn’t leave.”

 “Again: I would’ve never left you or not taken care of you. We’re partners, for God’s sake. What would the Captain have said if he found out I left you home alone with a concussion after you asked me for help?”

 “Yep. Holt’s imminent disappointment. Definitely the only reason I hoped you’d stay.” His smile is crooked, but Amy only continues stroking through his hair, and it quickly turns the uncomfortable smile into a content sigh. “I was so… nervous. Because... you can probably guess that I did like-like you by then. Like, you were right here in my apartment, and I wasn’t out on painkillers, but I also wasn’t awake enough to like, entertain you or anything, and I was so worried that you were already annoyed because of the whole situation and I would do something or say something stupid, but you were still there, and then you helped me with the bandages, and the, the lotion, and I think I remember the worst invitation to my bed I’ve ever given anyone, and when I woke up I thought you’d finally left, but you were just in the kitchen, and I-” He sighs again, closing his eyes and leaning forward to rest his forehead against her shoulder. “I was always torn between wanting to kiss you and wanting to apologise for being so much trouble.”

 “God, we really were hopelessly lost on each other, weren’t we?” Amy chuckles, her hand now carding through the hair on his nape rather than the curls on top.

 “I was definitely hopeless, in every sense of the word. I think I’d rather describe you as oblivious.”

 “Ooooh, good word!” She happily praises him, before realising just how sad that statement of his actually was. He lifts his head again to look at her. “I... actually, I wasn’t really oblivious at all. I’d say I was just as hopeless as you. I just hid it a bit better.”

 “But you were always there.” He smiles at her, his head sideways now, leaning against the back of the couch, and it’s so soft and comforting and homely she wants to sink into him. “For every hospital trip I needed. Maybe that’s kinda why I made you my emergency contact too. I knew you’d come no matter what, and I knew you wouldn’t leave. Whether I annoyed you like crazy or we barely knew each other or we were already good friends or we were not quite on speaking terms due to all the awkwardness.”

 She leans her head next to him, her hands wrapping around his folded in his lap.

 “I’ve got your back. Always.” She whispers, and it’s a lot more than the supportive, yet simple promise of work partners. She thinks of the many times people had left him, the many things he’d been through alone, the lonely walks to an empty house or quiet cab rides back to a dark apartment, the dinner’s in the microwave notes and the sorry, can’t tonight texts, and the few times she has actually left him alone too, not knowing yet that when he was running off scared, what he really needed was someone to run after him and tell him it’s okay.

 Their relationship is only a month old, officially, but she knows that it’s far older than that. She knows that it’s been growing and changing for years, and she knows, in that moment, that it will grow for many, many years to come. For forever, maybe, if they’re lucky. But no matter what it will change into in the future - she also knows, without a doubt in her heart, that she’ll be there. The way he knows she would, the way he’s known since two months after they met.

[captainchrisbaby]

Temper

Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Violence, Alcohol

Summary: In your desperate attempt to fill the void Steve left when he dedicated his life to finding Bucky you skulled some wine and went out looking for a replacement... Steve is not impressed.

This is my 2nd entry for our challenge this week! It has only been 4 days but having the opportunity to help bring everyone together and read your stories has been amazing so thank you all <3 If you want to join! Click here Weekly Challenge

And thank you to the best two girls for always being supportive and also great challenge hosts! @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho​​ @donutloverxo​

__________________________

You stare at the photo on your book shelf, though it was only taken two years ago it felt like a lifetime ago. A grin creeps on your face as you remember that day. You and Steve attended your first Stark party together when you accidentally tripped and fell in the pool, you were so embarrassed and Steve could tell… so in true hero fashion he jumped in with you. The photo of you laughing whilst soaked in water warms your heart. That warmth quickly returns to cold as your mind returns to the present, Steve is not here and he hasn’t been for a while. Though you know in your heart he loves you he can’t seem to put his search for Bucky behind him and the time he has spent searching cold leads has brought so much distance into your relationship.

He use to call daily, then weekly and now you only hear from him every few months. It makes you miserable longing for him constantly and despite your efforts its slowly breaking you so tonight you poured yourself a glass of red wine as you apply your make up, you run the flat iron through your hair and choose the outfit that will cause attention. You play some upbeat music and skull your wine as you dance around your apartment waiting for the alcohol to fill your body and release it’s affects. “WE COULD HAVE HAD IT AL-L-L! ROLLING IN THE DE-EP!” You sing at the top of your lungs. As you take a breath to begin the next line your speaker beeps then dies. After a moan of disappointment you grab your bag and head out the door leaving your half drunk glass of wine on the bench.

_________

You drunkenly stumble for your keys as you approach your apartment door. You feel the warmth of your new friend behind you. It wasn't like you to just bring any stranger home with you but your loneliness has driven you to desperation. Your plan to go out and get drunk and find the closest looking man to Steve was being executed well and the guilt in your stomach isn’t going to stop you from allowing yourself to feel good for one night.

You start to giggle as you can’t seem to pick the right key. “Need some help?” Kieran whispers in you ear. He is not near as tall as Steve nor is he competing with his attractiveness but he will do for tonight. He plants a wet kiss on the back of your neck as you finally twist the correct key into the door. With a quick push it swings open and your heart sinks to the floor.

There before you standing in your kitchen - the man you have spent the past year missing, the love you have for him hasn’t once shifted and the butterflies in your stomach feel like they never left. He leans against the bench with a beautiful red rose laid out in front of him. “Steve.” You whisper.

Kieran stops kissing your neck as you swat him away then seizes up when he realises you two are not alone. The look on Steve’s face sends a shiver down your spine and for the first time in your life you feel afraid of him. “I think you should go.” You quietly but sternly warn Kieran, you don’t need to say it twice, his footsteps patter down the stairway quickly until you are finally alone with Steve.

“I didn’t realise you were coming home.” You shakily confess. Your hands are shaking and you feel a lump in your throat that could make you vomit at any second.

“Clearly.” He finally speaks. He is furious. You try to decide whether you should even bother explaining yourself as you walk inside and close the door. Approaching him slowly but keeping enough distance to feel safe you begin to choke out your words.

“You’ve been gone so long, I didn’t know if you were ever coming back.” A tear wells in your eye but he only glares in response. “I’ve begged you so many times to just stay but you don’t care… what else was I suppose to do.” And with that slams his hands down on the bench in front of him knocking the half full glass of red wine over the bench. The sound causes you to flinch and your expression turns from pleading too shocked.

He has never been aggressive with you but knowing his line of work you never ruled out that he has a dark side. Did you ever expect to see it? No. But you crossed a line tonight, maybe not intentionally but you did.

“I didn’t mean to—” You begin but he cuts you off, “I have loved you since the moment I met you! I told you I had to find Bucky, that he would do it for me and you told me you understood!” He raged stomping towards you.

“I know, and I do understand but it’s not fair for me Steve.” You trembled stumbling backwards as you try to insure some space between you two. The fear and adrenalin has sobered you up which is unfortunate when you could use the added courage.

“Not fair? You have everything you want here, I made sure Stark gave you everything you needed so that you could be looked after and happy!” He yells.

“Everything I want? None of this stuff means anything to me without you here!” You growl back. “You can take it all back, the apartment, the fancy car and all the unnecessary flatscreens he felt necessary to put in every room!”

“So what do you want from me?” He barks.

You take a breath and harness all your courage to finally say the words you’ve been dying to say for a year. “I want you to put Bucky behind you and come home… for good.”

The weight off your shoulders quickly piles back on as his face turns red. He strides towards you grabbing your upper arms and forcing you backwards, your legs move quickly to prevent you from falling backwards and with a few steps you are slammed against the wall behind you, sending pain through the back of your skull.

His tight grip on your arms stings and you know it will leave a bruise. You lock your eyes on his and you chock to keep in your cry, they were hollow and empty. In one swift movement one of his hands rear back behind his head with a tightened fist and you close your eyes waiting for impact. He throws his punch harder and fasted than any man ever could and as you brace for impact a loud bang echoes through your right ear.

You keep your eyes closed and listen to his panting begin too slow. There was no pain like you had anticipated and his hand on your right arm began to soften. When his fore-head lowered and rested on your shoulder you gently open your eyes to attempt to investigate what just happened. You don’t move your head as you’re frozen from fear but your eyes manage to flick to the hole in the wall inches from your ear, Steve’s hand was still deep inside the plaster and the thought that his rage nearly resulted in him crushing your skull makes you whimper.

You stand there shaking as his breathing slows, when he is calm he lifts his head and slowly pulls away. The sound of cracking is loud in your ear as he peels his arm out of the gaping hole. He locks eyes on yours in his slow process to standing up straight. He drops both his arms beside him as he studies your face, you study back. He looks defeated and broken… evidently sorry. You are panting, eyes wide and locked on his then taking a gulp you allow yourself to slide down the wall wrapping your hands around your knees and nestling your head in your arms before letting out a brief loud sob. You needed to let it out, there were so many emotions flooding through your body but you pull yourself together quickly and pull your eyes up to check on Steve.

Tears were soaking his eyes but yet to fall. He looked broken. He sniffs then wipes a small drop of sweat from his head with the back of his arm. He stumbles back before catching himself and turns making a bee line for the door. He looks back one last time to recognise the damage he had done then exits the apartment.

@cheeseburgersstuff​​ @goavengers​​ @xolovegrace​​ @randomsevans​​ @iamwhoiamtmblr​​ @chris-evans-indian-fanfic​​ @lilbabycee​​ @dailyteamcap​​ 

[hmgfanfic]

Talk about all the Fillory worldbuilding in LQoF, please :)

THIS IS INEXCUSABLY LATE. I’m so sorry!

And I wish I could say it was just my scatterbrainedness, which is definitely a constant factor, but it was also that when you sent this, I was deeeeeeeep into writing the final few chapters of Little Quirks of Fate and I was kind of... in my head about it. It took a lot longer to finish than I had planned (a cardinal sin to my particular combo of severe ADHD and Type-A personality) and I was spending excessive amounts of time making sure I figured out a satisfying ending by my own exacting standards, so I just didn’t have the headspace to think through my early process yet. Very sorry about that :( But now that I’m finally done, I’m excited to look back! So if you’ll indulge me a very late answer, I’d be tickled. 💗

Long ramblings and major fic spoilers under the cut.

The truth is a lot the world building came down to character stuff foremost, followed closely by my preferences as a writer. I adapted the world to the story I wanted to tell, while using the little bits of information we’re given in canon as a baseline, rather than building the story around the world. And that was a lot more fulfilling for me, since I only really love worldbuilding through the lens of character, rather than as an exercise unto itself (though it’s super fun once you get rolling.)

To explain what I mean by that, you need to know that Little Quirks of Fate was originally going to be a oneshot. My plan was about 25-30k (lol) of a pure S2 retelling, only with Quentin in the role of Fen. It was also going to take a much more traditional enemies-to-lovers’ path—with Quentin as an active member of the FU Fighters—and the whole thing was going to be in his POV. Also, they weren’t even going to kiss until after the bank heist (which, yes, was going to be a thing here), but that got abandoned the fastest in favor of trying my hand at smut. But two things made me realize I needed to significantly shift course:

1) I was struggling to make Quentin actually feel like Quentin. I wrote this very atmospheric early scene at the FU Fighters encampment, with lots of description of the bonfires and the way their shirts dyed in Fillorian red looked like blood (you get it.) It took place in the black of night, shrouded in secrecy, and when Bayler questioned Quentin about his new husband, Quentin said something like, “He’s a drunk idiot, we have the advantage.” It was all very lush and dramatic, but it really, really, really didn’t feel like Q in any recognizable way to me. Now, I’m not someone who thinks Q needs to be a precious sweetheart all the time, but what I was writing didn’t have his idiosyncrasies or a motivation that felt true to who I feel he is.

2) The draft was DEFINITELY missing Eliot’s story and his perspective. I certainly don’t think Eliot’s POV is always necessary (sometimes not having his direct thoughts heightens tension in romance especially), but it felt really necessary here, to fill in the gaps of what Quentin was assuming and also—more importantly—because the events were just as impactful on him, but in a very different way. So I knew I was missing half the narrative, but that meant I would need to deal more explicitly with the Beast (i.e., Mike, the most devastating storyline to me, personally) and I really, really didn’t want to do that.

My first step in making a more recognizable Quentin was figuring out a way he could more or less use the same syntax that he does on the show. Voice is the first way I connect with a character, so while many writers in this fandom thrive at modifying speech patterns and keeping the heart of a character alive, keeping close to Quentin’s canon speech was an easy fix for me in a story I was excited to get rolling. Sort of like the old adage of uplifting your strengths before putting outsize energy into things you struggle with.

The easiest way I could think to give him the same syntax was to figure out a way Quentin spent some significant time on Earth during his formative years. And once I rewatched 2x06 and was reminded that Ess went to Phillips Exeter Academy for high school, I lost my damn mind. I started sketching out ways that Quentin could get there too and that’s how I built out the idea of Umber brokering a marriage deal with the actual landmass of Coldwater Cove, which included an education opportunity for the boys (in a nod to Fillory’s patriarchal nature), and also the reason why Umber did that, which was to take advantage of his brother’s orgy mistake with the first Children of Earth to usher in a more productive and orderly Fillory. So that created a whole new set of rules and essentially a whole new world for me to play with... all for the sake of Quentin getting to say “fuck.” It was that important to me. :p

And as I worked through all that, I realized I also wanted to give Q magic, since Quentin’s relationship with magic is something I’m interested in. But I had read on ye olde Tumblr that the reason Illario uses a wand in 2x06 is a nod to the books, where Fillorians specifically aren’t Magicians and that’s the rationale for the Children of Earth royalty. And while I generally see the books as interesting supplemental material with zero bearing on the television show canon, I still said to myself, “Self, wouldn’t it be kind of funny if Quentin was the only native born Fillorian who had magic and so the FU Fighters believe he’s the chosen true High King, but instead of it being because he’s ~special~, it’s because Umber made a clerical error? Lol! Hilarious!”

So while all my questions for how to explain all THAT spun out into more and more detail, at the same time...

I caved to the idea that this story was going to be a No Beast AU, just like my last two stories, mostly because I really couldn’t bring myself to deal with the Mike of it all, even tangentially. I could have just changed that single element, but I’m not a half-measure gal! But I still wanted to stick with the vague background theme of Fillory = adulthood from a questing perspective and I wanted Julia leading the charge this time, but without the sexual assault that occurs in canon. So obviously, the answer was avenging all of the murdered and cannibalized “grown-ups,” i.e., master Magicians, by seeking out help from the gods in a balanced Fillory free from the devastation of the Beast. Duh! ;)

So then, like anyone would do, I rewatched every episode up to 4x11 that makes a mention of Fillory and took about twenty pages of notes on the canon worldbuilding, along with an analysis of how much a particular piece of information would be impacted or not by balance in the realm. For instance, the existence of geraniums (per The Fillorian Candidate and Tick’s misunderstanding of “power plants”) and the lack of diamonds as a precious stone (per the River Watcher not knowing the value of Margo’s earrings in Knight of Crowns) struck me as static facts unaffected by Ember’s reign of chaos. But I shifted the overall feel of Fillory to one that’s more functional and a lot more bureaucratic, leaning on things like the existence of socialized health/vision/dental insurance (the idea of which is canonical, per a petition from the beavers requesting dental coverage from acting High King Josh in Ramifications), strict taxation plans, and an overall sense of thriving Ceremony to show Umber’s influence.

Basically, I wanted Eliot to inherit a much, much easier Fillory to rule—especially with the highly educated Quentin as a built-in and passionate advisor—mostly so it wouldn’t completely strain credulity when a lot of his energy goes toward his love life rather than the intricacies of ruling (though Margo would say he still favored his personal life more than he should have, and she wasn’t... wrong. He wants to be a husband more than a king!) But I specifically made it so most of the chaotic elements were played as whimsical (sorry) quirky shit or smaller hints of greater injustice (see: Ember getting rid of STDs, but still letting magic-poor citizens die of sepsis because that’s too boring to deal with), all while a cataclysmic danger lurked under the surface.

After that, I just filled in details as they worked with character stuff and plot stuff, and I tried to make sure they didn’t contradict each other in a way that couldn’t be chalked up to “chaos.” I basically lived with the Fillory map open all the time and also took screenshots of Benedict’s map of Loria, which gave me alternate ideas for the overall feel of the landmass rather than just the kingdom. And pretty much that’s the basic process I used to create the world! It was extremely fun, and I learned a lot, though I’m *definitely* focusing on some pure relationship kind of stuff for a while because... oof, sometimes it was a lot.

Annnnnnnd if you’re still with me, here’s some stray observations, for funsies:

I wanted Quentin and Eliot’s starting points to be more mature than in the show. Quentin when we’re introduced to him as an adult in LQoF is a lot more jaded and cautious than S1 Q, which is because in this world, his S1 mentality happened while he was on Earth and came to a head during the throes of his fucked up relationship with Bayler. Similarly, Eliot had already gone through a lot of shit too, and was much more self-actualized by the time he agreed to be High King here than in the show. It was still out of desperation for purpose, but not coming out of a direct trauma spiral. I think if they had been younger, both in age and mentality, the story wouldn’t have worked because they would’ve blown it up day two. They’re both still disasters, as we like to say, which is why the... everything happens, but they’re not disasters in the exact same way as in early canon. I thought of them as closer to their S3 selves, pre-Mosaic.

While I mostly kept Quentin’s syntax the same as on the show, I did change it up in some ways to reflect his Fillorian upbringing. The most obvious was replacing “goddamn” with “godsdamned” and “Jesus” with “Hades,” but I also made him slow on the Earth idiomatic uptake and slightly more likely to use passive voice and less likely to use contractions, especially early on and especially when speaking with Fen. He also said slightly out of date things even for someone who last remembered 1999, since Earth was still overwhelming despite his immersion. E.g.: In the epilogue, he asks Eliot if he can spend some time “Googling the World Wide Web” instead of watching Gossip Girl together, even though by 1999 most people were saying “on-line” or “the internet” by a pretty wide margin. But in my mind, the first term he learned was World Wide Web and he stuck to it like glue.

I originally had a full-blown coronation scene, where Quentin helped Eliot with the answers to the 90s questions via subtle charades, such as flapping his hands at his sides to give him the answer “Wings” (and Eliot was eventually going to Eliot-Logically use that moment to argue to Quentin that maybe Q really is the true High King since he was the one who actually answered the Knight’s questions, etc.), but I cut it and only showed bits and pieces in flashbacks because it didn’t really matter. They had to treat it seriously because it was An Event in this version of balanced/un-Beasted Fillory, with a full audience bearing witness, but the whole thrust of the external plot was about dismantling that moment and the concept of monarchy in general, so giving it too much weight outside of the Eliot and Julia friendship felt disingenuous to the story I was telling.

This is also why it was important to me that Margo hated the title High King Eliot the Kind, even though I only brought it up textually once or twice. But in my view, she fucking hated it and never came around to it. Which isn’t because she doesn’t think Eliot is kind, it’s that it felt like a simplification of all that he is, and the coronation ceremony in general felt similarly shallow. It wasn’t just the four of them working out their shit on the beach; it was true ceremony after a year of questing toil and a lot lingering uncertainty/resentments (especially regarding Julia), so it was too Big Shiny Happy Bow to her.

Yet on the same theme, my greatest regret was not being able to work in the fact that Margo’s title for Penny (King Penny the Persistent) was supposed to be half-sincere and half-sex joke. She did genuinely admire that he stuck it out even through his initial heartbreak because he gives a shit about his people underneath it all, but—and this is a very important headcanon to me—she admired his dedication to the art of the female orgasm even more.

I was originally also going to include the One Day More sequence with way more details—such as Umber taking the Javert lines, Ember taking the Thenardier lines, Bayler taking the Enjolras lines, and Penny taking the Marius lines, but... uh... writing a musical number is apparently not in my skill set. Also, honestly, the weirdness of the original is its whole charm and so I didn’t want to improve upon perfection. See also, in a more serious way: Eliot bowing to High King Margo on the Muntjac, the events of Plan B, and Quentin & Penny in the Flying Forest. Would not touch it!

My favorite Fillorian detail was either the guy who sent a citizen petition requesting a “smidgen” of Eliot’s earwax for an undisclosed purpose, or the use of the verb “to peg” to describe a Pegasus flock greeting an outsider with honor. They encapsulate the obscene yet pristine feel I always tried to give Fillory.

My favorite subtle(-ish?) ironic moment is Ess, the heir to a hereditary monarchy, taking Quentin to task for not honoring the anarchy patch on his high school backpack. In general, I don’t like everything being neatly resolved, including on an overarching world level. And I very strongly felt they had ZERO business meddling in Loria, so it left some fun-to-me unanswered questions. Will Ess usher in democracy for Loria based on his experiences on Earth? Maybe! Maybe not, since tradition’s a hell of a drug and Loria has its own history and complexities. Who knows?

I misread the town name Sutton as Sultan on the map the first time I referenced Bayler’s hometown (Sultan’s Ridge), but instead of going back to fix it, I just made it a sister town. Whatever!

I do not know how Quentin got a full bookshelf of Earth literature back to Fillory with him. Magic, I guess. (That’s the answer to anything I didn’t totally think through.)

I occasionally get asked whether Quentin and Fen were physically related. The answer is no, though it doesn’t totally matter. But I intended heart-cousins to be more like close family friends. (Though I actually originally had a joke where Eliot still wasn’t sure by the epilogue, but it didn’t land/feel realistic so I cut it.)

The details of the magic frequency poisoning were DEFINITELY what I thought through the least. My main goal was to have something catastrophic happen to Fillory based in part from the historical actions of the Children of Earth and Ember, patently ridiculously but with lasting consequences. Hence, god orgy that took away Fillorian human magic and sent out a slow poisoning of the overall magic “frequency.” It sounds all well and good, but it’s definitely something that would fall apart with even the lightest bit of prodding. It serves it’s purpose though, so I figured the gaps could be filled in or politely ignored. ;)

This question was way too much fun and a helpful retrospective for me! Thank you so much for indulging me, many moons ago. 💗

[ladylynse]

Whirlwind (SQ fic): Jake should be used to ominous predictions by now. Randy should know better than to blindly follow McFist. Adrien should think twice before sneaking away. And Danny should’ve expected something like this when he got that phone call.

Chapter 10 [FF | AO3]

Previous | Timeline post

-|-

7:36 PM

“Um, guys?” Danny said as he looked up. He might not be a dragon expert by any stretch of the imagination, but he’d spent enough time with Dora—and Jake, really—to be able to pick out the sound of giant wingbeats above the general noise of the city.

“Not now,” Jake hissed at him, pointing with his free hand to his cell phone. “I’m still on with Trixie.”

“No, Danny’s right,” Nino said, and he must have followed Danny’s gaze. “We need to move. Now.”

There was a squeak from beside him that was probably Haley. Randy had already seen the dragon, after all. Both of them were looking up, too, and must have seen Susan fly past quickly enough that she was hardly more than a flash of deeper darkness against the cloudy sky. Nightfall worked in Jake’s favour, at least. It was hard to see much of anything up there from street level.

“Here’s the plan,” Nino said, and Danny turned to him. “Get in the air. Follow her. Stay invisible, and keep us posted via these things.” He tapped his Fenton Phone. “Randy and I will transform. We’ll be distractions, since I’m assuming we’ll still be easy targets in the dark.” Haley nodded, and he continued, “Once you’re invisible, you can get close to her and grab her necklace. Just take it and get out of there, as far as you can. Don’t break it until Jake hears back from his contact about something to contain the akuma.”

Danny hadn’t exactly tested how well being invisible at night helped combat a dragon’s magical sight, but he didn’t have to heart to say that right now. He still had a better chance than the other two. In theory, at least.

“What about me?” Haley asked.

“Dragon,” Danny reminded Nino. It was easy to forget. Jake might argue it, but Danny didn’t think Haley pulled off fierce very well.

“You’d be too much of a target.”

“Just because I’m younger than you, it doesn’t mean I’m useless! You said you wanted distractions.”

“Distractions, not bait.” Nino pulled a face. “Look, I’m sorry, but I don’t want you to get hurt, and—”

“You don’t even know what I can do!”

“Let her do what she does best,” Danny suggested. “The cute little girl schtick. Sic her on McFist and Rotwood. If Trixie and Spud don’t end up fetching something from the shop, they can help her when they get here.”

Nino frowned down at Haley. “Does Rotwood know who you are?”

She shrugged. “He’s met me. He mostly focuses on Jake so he might not remember me. I might just be like any other cute little girl he’s seen.” She flashed a smile.

“I’ll give her some weapons,” Randy said. “Just a sec.” No doubt still wary of cameras, he ducked behind the dumpster and reappeared a few seconds later as the Ninja, holding out some throwing stars and different coloured balls. “These should help you keep them distracted without giving that Rotwood guy evidence of dragons.” He glanced in the direction Susan had flown and then amended, “More evidence of dragons, anyway.”

“I don’t have my backpack,” Haley said, eyeing the weapons that were overflowing from Randy’s hands.

“Here, you can take my sweater,” Nino said. He shot a worried glance at the mouth of the alley and then pulled off his hoodie, making sure to keep his back to the street. “I won’t need it as Chat Noir, anyway.”

The hooded sweatshirt swam on Haley, but it did the trick, and Randy made sure her pockets were full. “Aren’t you worried about McFist realizing that’s all Ninja stuff?” Danny asked as Nino crouched behind the dumpster to change.

“He’s bound to already know the Ninja’s in town. Or at least that a Ninja’s in town. If I’m lucky, he doesn’t realize it’s me and not, like, the Ninja of New York City.”

Danny wasn’t entirely convinced, but it was Randy’s neck, not his. Besides, his enemies all knew his real identity, and they hadn’t all used it against him. Just…most of them. He would almost swear that Technus had hacked into the school’s mainframe last time he’d attacked and figured out when Danny had major exams scheduled, as he or Skulker would invariably show up, and—

“Here, take one of these, too,” Randy said, handing one last ball to Haley. “Just be extra careful with that one. It’s a Ninja Bee Ball.”

She looked at it warily. “McFist’s not allergic, is he?”

“I have no idea. But he’d have health insurance. He’ll be fine.”

She didn’t look convinced, so Danny added, “The paramedics working the venue tonight would still be on site. Too many people are hanging around for them to have packed up and gone home. I don’t think they’d be able to just leave mid shift anyway.”

“Why is she even worried about that?” Randy asked in a loud whisper as Haley tucked away the Ninja Bee Ball and trotted to the edge of the alley, looking both ways before darting off to join the thinning crowd and find Rotwood and his new Ninja-destroying friend. “I never worry about that, and it’s always worked out for me!”

Danny shrugged. “I personally have more of a thing against ghost mosquitoes and giant hornets. If she doesn’t use it, she doesn’t use it. The important thing is that she buys us time to deal with the dragon.”

“Do you think Jake’s mom’ll even pay attention to me? She didn’t before.”

“You weren’t with me before,” Nino said, and Danny jumped. Geez, that guy could sneak up on people. Danny was far more used to sneaking up on people and scaring them than having it happen to him—mostly because of his ghost sense, but also because Tucker—

Someone shouted something made incomprehensible by distance. They all glanced in the direction it had come from, despite not being able to see anything, and waited for the screaming to start.

It didn’t.

Had no one spotted the dragon coming back? Someone must have been looking. Had she flown high enough? Or simply cleverly enough, avoiding the majority of the sightlines? Did she have some power that most dragons didn’t, something they hadn’t seen her use yet? Danny wouldn’t put anything past someone who could use magic like that, not after his experiences with Desiree.

Nino was the first to look away and call their attention back to him. “She’s clever, even more so since she has all this existing knowledge of dragons. We need to be careful, and need to take her out fast.”

“So we just, what, come out swinging?” Randy asked. “Or, ooh, how about I use my scarf to get on her back and ride her? That would be so bruce, being a dragon rider.”

Nino stared at Randy for a few seconds. His ears twitched. (Danny was pretty sure he hadn’t just imagined that. Magic would surely make it possible for the cat ears to move on their own.) After a beat, Nino said, “Well, it would be a distraction, I guess. But she’ll try to protect her necklace at any cost. She might’ve been ignoring you earlier, but she won’t if you’re that close it. And you can’t fly.”

Randy laughed; Danny wasn’t even sure if he’d been paying attention to Chat Noir’s warnings. “This will be the cheese! The Nomicon’s bound to teach me how to do the Ninja Dragon Fist after that.”

“Wait,” Danny said, remembering the term from earlier. “The Nomicon. That’s that thing that gave you that advice, right?”

Danny didn’t need to see Randy’s face to know that he was frowning. “The super unhelpful advice? Yeah. I mean, c’mon. To cleanse the soul, one must first clear the mind. I’ve figured it out now. It’s telling me to focus. As if I’m not focusing already. I mean, dragon. Super bruce. Definitely focusing on that. And trying to stop the whole panic and chaos thing from happening.”

“It’s not telling you that you need to focus,” Nino said slowly. “It’s telling you that we can get through to her.”

“What?”

Danny wasn’t entirely sure what Nino meant, either.

“Hawk Moth’s magic is a corruption of what it should be,” Nino said, as if that explained anything. “To free her of it, we need to help her clear her head. Snap her out of it.”

“By breaking the necklace and releasing the butterfly?” Randy prompted. “Isn’t that how it works?”

“But we might not need to,” insisted Nino. “You already said she’s different.” He hesitated, then amended, “At least, even if we do have to break it and free the akuma, if we can get through to her, she might be strong enough not to fight us. That would make your job a lot easier, Phantom.”

Danny wasn’t going to bet that anything would be easy, but he’d take easier if it wouldn’t blow up in their faces. Which it almost certainly would. His luck was terrible, Jake’s was obviously no better, Randy’s couldn’t be great if this McFist guy had shown up, and Nino, well…. Bad luck was following him around right now, even if it didn’t usually back in Paris—although the fact that he was a masked hero no doubt meant it did, even though this Hawk Moth guy not having what he wanted yet was definitely a point in cat boy’s favour.

Maybe a whole bunch of awful luck mixed with effort, skill, and desperation would let them come out on top.

“Might as well try it. Worst that happens is that it doesn’t work,” Danny said. “You guys head out; I’ll fill in Jake and catch up.”

They both nodded before jumping into action, Nino extending his staff and immediately disappearing to the rooftops and Randy darting across the street before swinging up to climb a fire escape on the other side. Danny drifted over to Jake, who didn’t look particularly happy. He held up one finger and kept talking to Trixie.

He finished, flipped the phone closed with a groaned, “Aw, maaaan,” and Danny didn’t need to ask.

Instead, Danny said, “Nino thinks Randy’s Nomicon thing might be saying we can get through this without freeing the akuma. He’s not sure and was hoping you’d have something to deal with it, but I’m guessing not.”

“Yeah, not. It’s not like I have Pandora’s Box just lying around.”

“It’s in the Ghost Zone,” Danny reminded him.

“So you say.” Jake sighed. “G can’t think of anything we have that won’t eventually be affected by the corrupted magic.”

“How soon of an eventually? Could Nino get back to Paris with it?”

“It would be more likely to get out while he was still on the plane, and that wouldn’t be good for anyone. Fu’s got Marty on guard duty at the shop, at least, but he can only pull so many strings, and I don’t know if he can get something to us in time.” He hesitated. “Do you think we could use your Infi-Map? That’s how you got here, isn’t it?”

“It’s not exactly my map,” Danny said slowly. “I can’t really control it. It takes you where you need to be more often than where you want to go.”

“But wouldn’t you and Nino need to be in Paris to get Ladybug’s help?”

“Probably,” Danny allowed, “but we’re just as likely to wind up somewhere else. If it were that reliable, we could use it to find this Hawk Moth guy and fight him instead of your mom. Besides, Nino and I wouldn’t both need to be back in the NYC, and how’s Nino going to explain how he got home if he disappears here? Or if the map takes us somewhere else entirely? I can fly, but he would not be comfortable piggybacking that way for a long trip, even if I went intangible.”

Jake frowned. “Fine. What about one of your parent’s ghost-catching thermoses?”

“It contains ghostly magic. It might work. I dunno. It’s not like I’ve ever tried it. Does Spud still have the one he made?”

Jake nodded and flipped his phone back open, already typing as he said, “He should. I’ll text him. He can grab it, just in case.” He met Danny’s gaze for a second, adding, “I’m assuming we need to be fighting now, since the others are gone.”

“Nino might be right, you know. If Rotwood’s here and you show up, he’ll have a field day.”

“As if he’s not going to already?”

“Haley’s going to try to distract him and this McFist guy. Did you put Trixie and Spud on that, too?”

“She’s going to do a quick scout of the shop in case Fu or Gramps forgot anything, but Spud’s going to come and do that, yeah. Well, I guess he’ll head home for the thermos and then come do that. They’ll both come, anyway. Just not right away. And Haley said Sun’s going to start doing damage control for us instead of being another set of eyes. She figures that’ll be of more use. Which I guess it is, since Mom—” Jake’s voice broke “—I mean, the dragon came back. I know G was talking about spreading rumours of this being something it’s not, but honestly Sun will be better at that kind of thing than he is.”

Danny bit his lip. “You’re not going to sit this out, are you?”

“I’m the American Dragon. You know I can’t.” He waved a hand in the general direction of the ruined gala and added, “The fire was my fault, Mom getting akumatized was my fault, and the fact that this Hawk Moth guy has been active in Paris is basically our fault, too. Dragons are supposed to protect the magical world, and the French Dragon hasn’t been replaced since the Strigoi got him.”

“Too few in number, huh?”

Jake just grunted. He probably didn’t care about the politics of it all. He would just care that people were getting hurt. And that Hawk Moth was giving magic and magical creatures a bad name at the same time as convincing a lot of people they existed.

“You dragon up. I’ll stick with you and keep you invisible for as long as I can. When I get an opening, I’ll grab the necklace—and hopefully your appearance will be enough of a distraction if Randy and Nino aren’t.”

“Remember that dragons can touch ghosts,” Jake said, as if Danny didn’t remember all the inconvenient things about dealing with living dragons. Still, truth was, they needed to surprise Hawk Moth more than Susan. She might know a lot about dragons, but it was highly unlikely he did. “And even when you’re invisible, if I’m really looking, I can see you. Sorta. In the right light.”

“Yeah,” Danny said. “I remember.”

This wasn’t the first time he’d worked with Jake. If they pulled this off, it likely wouldn’t be the last. It was nice, knowing he’d have a magical ally he could call upon if things ever got a particular type of tricky, and…. And it would be nice if the others decided they felt that way, too, when this was all over, however it ended up.

7:41 PM

Haley wasn’t sure she looked as cute as she possibly could while wearing Nino’s oversized hoodie with its pockets stuffed to bursting, but she still had a smile that would melt anyone’s heart. The plaza was easily well lit enough for people to see it, too, which helped. Showing her smile instead of her fear meant most people didn’t give her a second glance.

The first task was getting through the crowd without being stopped, so she employed the usual tactic of attaching herself to the nearest adult whenever someone noticed her. It was easy enough to pretend to be part of someone else’s group for a few seconds, either as a daughter or a family friend. People didn’t question it; they didn’t expect someone her age to be alone, so they saw what they wanted to see, especially when she kept the worry off her face.

When she needed to keep moving, she’d look for someone going in the direction she wanted to go and follow them, just closely enough that it looked natural but not so closely that they’d get that sense of being followed unless they were really good. In her experience, most people weren’t, especially old white men like Rotwood and McFist—and there were enough of those around a place like this, often accompanied with women wearing dresses that could amount to her mom’s yearly salary.

Haley never specifically called out for any parents, of course—it wouldn’t do for heads to turn and no one’s face to light up with recognition or relief—but she did occasionally raise her hand to wave to someone who wasn’t there, banking on the fact that anyone who noticed would think she was waving at someone else. She never answered anyone else’s call for someone with coming, but she would make a show of perking up and moving in that direction if it were where she wanted to go.

It was the little things. Young children on their own in a place like this? Suspicious. Curious youngsters exploring rumours of a dragon sighting who accidentally got separated from their parents, but not straying far enough that they couldn’t be found again? Much more likely.

Nino’s hoodie might actually help her in that respect. It just screamed having a big brother, even though it still smelled new and the forgotten tail of a plastic tag sometimes poked the back of her neck.

Haley stopped where she thought Rotwood wouldn’t notice her. He and McFist had stopped themselves and were talking; she couldn’t make out their words without resorting to ear of the dragon, but that was risky if Rotwood recognized her despite having her hood up.

Her job was to distract them while the others found and fought—saved—her mom.

She could do that.

If her usual cuteness failed her—that is, if Rotwood recognized her—then she’d simply lead them away and keep them busy with everything Randy had given her.

Haley glanced skyward one last time, took a deep breath, and then walked over and tugged on McFist’s arm. “Excuse me, mister?”

He glanced down at her, annoyance melting into confusion. “I’m, ah, not whoever you’re looking for. I’m in the middle of a business meeting. Maybe you could talk to someone else.”

It was a politer version of ‘get lost, kid’ than she’d expected, but she stuck out her bottom lip and let it quiver. “I’m scared.”

He frowned at her. “Of the dragon? I don’t know if it’s coming back.”

They hadn’t noticed Susan’s return. Haley tried not to let her relief show on her face. “I hope it doesn’t,” she whimpered, edging closer to McFist as Rotwood dropped into a crouch.

“You saw this dragon?” he asked, and she saw him blink in startled recognition even as she turned her face away. “Wait. I have seen you before. You are Jake Long’s sister!”

She cowered behind McFist’s leg, burying her face in his jacket, but Rotwood didn’t buy it. He grabbed her arm and pulled, ignoring McFist’s surprised shout. “You see this girl?” Rotwood said to McFist, brandishing the arm he still held and shaking her enough that her hood slipped down. She guarded the full pockets with her free hand, trying not to lose any of the ammunition she’d need to use sooner rather than later at this rate. “She is a dragon!”

“Right,” McFist said, and Haley knew from Rotwood’s souring expression that she wasn’t the only one who’d caught McFist’s quick glances to the side.

“I am telling you the truth!” insisted Rotwood. “She is a dragon, just like her brother!”

Rotwood had nothing on him to force a change on her—he would have pulled it out already if he had—so Haley let out another whimper of fear. Whatever she might tell the others later, it wasn’t faked. She had to put on a brave face, especially around Jake or he’d have sent her home with loud complaints about regretting asking for her help, but she knew exactly how scary this was and exactly how much was at risk if the situation got much worse.

She didn’t know for sure that McFist had been in the crowd earlier, but she didn’t think Rotwood would still be talking to him if he hadn’t been, which meant McFist had seen her mother. He’d seen the dragon. If Rotwood couldn’t convince him that dragons were real after that—

“They hide,” Rotwood hissed, shaking her again. Haley looked around, but no one else was looking their way. If anyone saw anything, they were ignoring it. She swallowed back the bitterness in her throat. She hadn’t wanted to be seen, but it still hurt. How could people just ignore this?

“Hide.” McFist’s voice was flat. Good. Maybe he didn’t believe Rotwood after all. That would work in her favour. That would—

“They wear human skin. This is just how she looks as a human!”

Rotwood gave her another violent shake, and Haley felt one of the throwing balls Randy had given her slip out of the hoodie’s pocket and past her fingers.

It hit the ground, bounced once, and rolled to a stop between them.

Rotwood stopped shaking her, staring with McFist at the little blue ball that now rested on the cobbles at their feet.

For a moment, nothing happened.

Then McFist said, “Wait, is that—?”

Ice erupted, frosting the street within a five foot radius, and Haley jerked free of Rotwood’s arm. She clamped one arm around her waist to contain the rest of her weapons as she bent down and shot a small flicker of fire towards her shoes, thawing it enough to wrench her feet free.

She only took two steps before another hand caught her arm, strong metal fingers digging into her through the thick fabric of the hoodie.

“Where, exactly,” McFist said, in a low growl that told her he’d be shouting if it wouldn’t have drawn more attention to them, as if the ice at their feet weren’t suspicious enough, “did you get a Ninja Cold Ball?”

7:41 PM

“That’s Chat Noir.” Hawk Moth’s voice rang in her head. “I need his ring.”

Susan could see the ring in question as easily as she could see Chat Noir himself. He was surefooted, running with ease where others would hesitate and wobble and balance precariously, and he used his staff as an extension of himself, vaulting through the air without needing to think about where he positioned it before he leapt. That spoke of talent, skill, and oh so much practice.

This was far from Chat Noir’s first fight, which meant Hawk Moth hadn’t yet managed to best him.

Hawk Moth’s search for power had brought him here, to find a way to conquer his enemies. It was laughable that his enemy—one of his enemies?—had found him. Even if it were mere coincidence, it hardly boded well for his venture.

“Focus,” Hawk Moth hissed. “If you cannot focus, perhaps I’ll need to find a way to draw out your son.”

“A trade, then.” It was not something she should be contemplating. “My son for this Chat Noir.”

“We have already struck our bargain, Dracona.” The name sent a shudder through her, and she lost a bit of height as she spasmed. “You’ve already agreed to fetch me Chat Noir’s ring, just as you agreed to tell me about this city’s heroes.”

Tell, but not sacrifice. Tell, but not necessarily turn against.

She could fulfill their bargain to the letter, but she didn’t need to fulfill the spirit of it if she could find a way around it. She could still save her son. She could still keep Haley from being involved. She could still—

She couldn’t save Chat Noir without endangering Jake and the others.

Not if Chat Noir crossed her path.

She’d only agreed to fetch his ring if he crossed her path.

She banked abruptly to her right, hearing a surprised, “What the juice?” from the Ninja as he pulled up short.

There was more shouting behind her, no doubt as Chat Noir joined the Ninja, but she didn’t look back.

“Dracona.”

She could feel his threat reverberating in her bones.

“You cannot break our agreement. Now turn around and fight them!”

The heat was rising in her belly. Each wingbeat was becoming more strained, weighted by her foolish promise. How could she have sacrificed anyone’s freedom for her own? And yet— How could she give this up, now that she’d tasted it? If Chat Noir had fought people like her before, he’d know exactly how to take all of this away from her.

She didn’t want to let him do that.

She didn’t want to give Hawk Moth any reason to try to use Jake against her. She was sure he still didn’t quite know, didn’t quite understand, but he knew and understood enough. He knew she considered Jake a hero, knew he’d fought against people much like Hawk Moth before, and he— He might even know that Jake was special—magical—even if he didn’t know why.

But Jake would be here soon enough whether or not Hawk Moth tried to deliberately draw him out.

She was circling back before she realized what she was doing. She dodged a fireball shot at her by the Ninja and sent one at him in return. She could deal with him easily enough if he became a problem, but ultimately, he wasn’t her concern. He wasn’t one of this town’s heroes. He wasn’t Chat Noir. She didn’t have to…. She could spare him.

Chat Noir darted in front of her, joining the Ninja. She could hear his frantic whispers, about Hawk Moth, about what he thought he knew about her. He was a fool, just as she’d been a fool.

She couldn’t protect Chat Noir. Certainly, she couldn’t protect him if she wanted to protect Jake. She’d have to get this ring. She could feel how much Hawk Moth wanted it. It was real, tangible, so much more useful than information he couldn’t easily apply. If she succeeded in this, he might be satisfied.

Chat Noir and the Ninja split up. She focused on her target, whose acrobatics were better than some of the Huntsclan initiates she’d met—about as good as Huntsgirl’s had been before she’d only become Rose and never one of the Huntsclan.

Behind her, the Ninja’s latest fireball rolled harmlessly off her scales. She adjusted her wings and weight and whipped her tail in his general direction, spinning into a roll with the additional momentum. Even though she didn’t hit anything, she heard a yelp behind her. She shot forward at an angle to Chat Noir, keeping him in her sights. He danced away from her, staying just past what he must think was the reach of her flame.

Pity he’d misjudged the distance.

The plume of fire she sent at him was still short of how far she could send it, if necessary, but it was long enough for what she wanted. Her goal was to cut him off and force him to his left; nothing more. He flipped away from the fire, and she started to follow his movements, but a hand-shaped wave closed around her flame and turned to steam, neatly providing a screen for Chat Noir’s escape.

Seems she hadn’t done enough to knock the Ninja off his game after all.

She hadn’t wanted to involve him, but she wouldn’t have a choice if he insisted on involving himself. She needed to finish this quickly, before Jake tried to get involved. She wasn’t sure she could protect him if he came.

Besides, it wasn’t as if she intended to hurt Chat Noir or the Ninja. She didn’t. She simply wanted Chat Noir’s ring. Now, if they got hurt trying to stop her, well, she could hardly pull all her punches and expect to finish this soon enough to avoid Jake’s interference.

A few heavy wingbeats brought her higher and forced the Ninja and Chat Noir to brace themselves. Chat Noir had planted his staff against the rooftop, and both he and the Ninja were hanging onto it, heads together. Indistinct murmuring reached her ears, but rather than focus to figure out what they were saying, she sent a blast of fire at them and drove them apart.

They spiralled in opposite directions. The Ninja reached into his pocket to pull out another one of those ice bombs of his. He lobbed it in her direction, and it caught the tip of her foot as she moved away. She shrieked as not ice but electricity erupted from it, racing through her body and causing her to drop. She hit the roof, something snapping beneath her weight, and the Ninja conjured another fist of water and threw it at her. Before she had time to blink all the water from her eyes, he’d tossed more of those Ninja Electro-Balls at her.

Chat Noir vaulted back into view before she’d found her feet, no doubt hoping the Ninja’s attack had incapacitated her. She waited and caught her breath, more than happy to pretend that all those Ninja Rings and Ninja Throwing Stars the Ninja was hurling her way hurt more than they did. He clearly had no idea how much her scales protected her, and she felt no need to correct his assumption right now.

Now that the electricity had dispersed, Chat Noir was coming at her in a zigzagging run. He split his staff into two as he went and then threw one half. She twisted her head out of the way—it had been aimed for her eye—and sent a stream of flame at his other hand, intending to heat the metal before he could throw it.

She saw the Ninja’s scarf wrap around his torso and jerk him backwards before her fire could reach him. The Ninja gave Chat Noir a handful of coloured balls and then sprinted behind her and out of sight, considering she wasn’t about to take her eyes off Chat Noir. She thrashed her tail, hoping to knock the Ninja off his feet even as Chat Noir took aim and began to throw.

To say that the first explosion stung was an understatement, and she gave up her pretence of helplessness as two more followed in quick succession. She was recovered enough now, and she didn’t like being made the fool.

Her first step forward proved to be a mistake, as her foot slipped out from under her in a pile of marbles. She sent her full force of flame at Chat Noir then, but the Ninja was back with his staff, and he’d rejoined the halves and was spinning it to dissipate her fire.

They were talking again.

She was getting so tired of them talking. Planning. Plotting. She just needed Chat Noir’s ring. She simply—

The Ninja’s suit burned red with magic, her split-second warning that another fireball was coming her way. She met it with her own, raising herself up with a roar and using the wind from her wingbeats to try to knock them off their feet again. This time, the Ninja toppled, unprepared, though Chat Noir crouched and managed to keep his feet.

“You must get his ring,” whispered Hawk Moth in her head, “but do not let him touch your necklace.”

They were fighting her from a distance.

For them, that made it a fairer fight.

But she didn’t have to fight fair.

She could get close to them without letting them get too close to her.

She sent another blast of fire towards them as cover before flying over the flames and diving toward them, talons outstretched.

(see more fics | next)

[somebodytolovesx]

Believer - Bill Denbrough

Warnings - Almost smut, alluding. I am not sexualising children, this is imagined to be their adult counterparts.

Summary - Bill Denbrough and Y/N Y/L/N have both been scarred and pained.

Bill Denbrough and Y/N Y/L/N laid in the living room, on the sofa, of the house that she had grown up in as a child in Derry, it had been long abandoned since her parents moved away to Atlanta and took her with them and nobody had dared to live there since a kid named Jerry Springsteen from Y/N’s math class had made the cruel joke that Y/N had died and that’s really why her parents moved away. The joke had caught on like a bad cough and made other kids start to conspire that the house was haunted, even the parents that weren’t gullible enough to believe it started to believe it. How Y/N Y/L/N had found out of the insensitive, hilarious rumour that made her lie on her back for an hour and laugh until she cried was through the monthly letter that Beverly, Ben, Richie, Mike, Eddie, Stan and Bill sent to her from Derry. They had guessed that after what happened during the summer before, everyone started to believe in ghouls and goblins and started to not brush superstitions and ticks of paranoia away with a scoff but instead listen to them, Y/N wrote back saying they had every right too and that the story could have been true if she didn’t have them there with her for that summer.

She still held onto the key for the front door of her abandoned house for a reason that she couldn’t tell herself, she had felt the urge to keep it on her instead of loosing it, it had felt like something had compelled her too. She spent many hours always wondering what the key was for in her late teenage life and throughout her adult life and came to the conclusion that it was a spare for the back or front door or for the garage. But when her feet landed on Derry concrete, her mind knew not quite why - that was still a mystery slowly unraveling - but for what and where like a map on the back of her hand and an answer on a school quiz.

She and Bill Denbrough had come back after so many years to that house where they had spent countless afternoons of their childhood summers running around in the back garden chasing each other with water guns or building boats and castles out of cardboard boxes and now they stood there twenty seven years later, all grown up. Bill with his hair that had a grey streak running through the front of it and more muscles on his arms and Y/N with her shorter hair and the body of a woman instead of a little girl but neither of them had truly changed, they were still the people they were at one time best friends with, only now they worried about insurance taxes and work and getting old when things in their body stopped ticking.

They hadn’t a good reason for coming back to the house but they had.

Y/N had the door unlocked with her key although the doorknob had rusted and wasn’t as agile as it had been when she last unlocked it, she had to rattle the key in there and shove herself against the door for it to open. Some of the furniture had been left behind, the stuff they wanted to get replacements of that would go with the theme her mother wanted each room of their new house to have, the house itself smelt of staleness and mouldy dust. There was cobwebs strung across walls, doorways, in corners and crevices that piled up on top of each other, it was eerily still and quiet. The house seemed to be haunted with bad spirits now yet every step and corner there were good memories made wether it was with her brother, her parents or with her best friends.

Bill walked close to Y/N and followed her footsteps through to her old living room on the right of the hallway, an old part of him had expected Y/N’s parents to be in there watching the television and reading the newspaper with a pack of biscuits open but they were long since gone. When Y/N had told Bill of the unfortunate news of both of her parents passing in the last four years, it had saddened him as much as it saddened Y/N when she remembered them now; they were always an open home to Bill Denbrough and welcomed him as one of their own once they got to know him, some of the best people in town that he knew.

They wondered into the living room as if it was someone else’s house and they had just been invited in, the only things left of when Y/N lived there was the mantelpiece above the fireplace and the tattered, blue sofa with holes in the cushions from lit cigarettes, Y/N’s fingers traced over them and dipped into one.

“This is richie’s, definitely” Y/N laughed. She had remembered when they were all round her house for the afternoon whilst her parents were doing the weekly grocery store shop down on Maine Street one day during the summer break, Y/N’s parents being out of the house had meant that as long as the windows were opened that Richie and Bev could smoke. Bev pulled a cigarette out from the box hidden away in the pocket of her shorts, Richie pulled one out of the box in the top pocket of his Hawaiin tee shirt and had punched Stanley in the shoulder when Stan had told him that stealing from his fathers cigarette stash was not ethicle and would end up with him six foot under whenever he found out. The cigarette dropped from in between Richie’s fingers and sizzled and hissed right through the thin material. At the time it gave Y/N a coronary and she had a go at Richie for it but she laughed now and would have to tell him about it later.

The floarboards beneath creaked now more than ever as Bill moved from the doorway and into the middle of the room. The curtains had been taken down and taken with them to Atlanta and the curtain pole was still fixed into the wall but the windows were too dust covered to see out of and in through, cobwebs stringed over them and the stormy weather darkened the room.

“The amount of time we’d spend in here was horrific” Bill laughed and brushed his fingers along the mantelpiece, collecting a cover of grey dust over the pads of his fingertips. Y/N smiled and took slow steps, taking her time to re-live a part of her dear childhood, towards the doorway of the living room.

She turned the corner at the end of the hallway and walked into the kitchen, the Linoleum on the floor still smelt like the crayons she used to draw with in school and the light that never quite was bright enough when Y/N’s family were having their dinner was still hanging up in the ceiling in all of it’s wonky glory. The countertop with cupboards above it that once were filled with glasses, plates and bowls still lined half of the room and the hidden away stove behind one of the wooden cupboards was still hidden. Y/N always used the hidden stove as a magic trick whenever someone new came round the house as hazardous as it was.

“Oh god, this kitchen” Bill grinned, his eyes were wide with astonishment.

“What?” Y/N laughed and shifted her hands into the front pockets of her jeans.

“Too many times where we’d make stuff and it nearly poisoned us...but it was fun” He said. He had remembered everything in that house, all of the concoctions they made with different foods and juices and spices they found in her parents cupboards and fridges, only a few of the seven of them were stupid - or brave - enough to digest them.

There was a chair in the corner of the room that used to be used for dinner guests to sit at if Y/N’s brother had his friends over, if Y/N had friends over like Bill had been so many times or even Bev or Mike had been, if family were visiting and chosen to stay for dinner. The wicker chair had been dragged over to the middle of the room by the back of it and Bill had sat down on it, he leant back and rubbed his hands along his trousers, taking a deep breath to take all of it in.

“The others should be here” Y/N said not because she hadn’t wanted to be alone with the boy - who is very much now a man - all of the Loser’s Club had idolised everyday but because it was still one of the few places in town that was still theirs twenty-seven years later and it was safe, she wanted them to be safe with her and Bill there.

“Stanley wouldn’t come in, you know it” Bill looked up at her through his eyelashes.

“I don’t think I could blame him for it” Y/N spoke as someone who had known him well, he was the person who toughened Y/N up with his blunt execution and sarcastic default. Who knows? In a parallel universe they could have been lovers and perhaps it would have been more than platonic. Perhaps.

There was a pause of silence where both of them realised they hadn’t spoken about Stanley Uris for a lifetime. The closest Bill had to Stanley Uris being a name on his tongue had been the day he sat down to start outlining an idea for a new novel, the idea was there in front of him and he seized it during the middle of the night when he woke from a bad dream in fear that it would not be there in the morning when he woke again. He was able to build the plot with ease and the ink seemed to flow through his veins, what he wanted to write about had translated to be so raw and terrifying, too real that he had to pause, pause, pause then go back to it. The characters he built were already there in his mind waiting for him, they were all so different in traits and personality but he knew that they would fit on the same page and when he looked back it now, it made sense. The closest Bill Denbrough had been to Stanley Uris since they were children was when he wrote his books.

“All these years and we’re still apart of his circus.” Bill muttered with a matter of frustration, he pushed the hair that had fallen in front of his face back and blew the air from his lungs outwards. Y/N had soon realised they were not talking about Stanley Uris although she wished they had stayed on that conversation for longer.

“We’ll do it this time, Bill.” Y/N reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, it was the only thing that she thought she could say in that exact moment. She prayed on every lucky star that she had spoke the truth and wouldn’t let Big Bill down.

“I thought when I left Derry and started to forget everything that it was getting better, there were no more dreams, I thought all of it had gone, I thought I had grown up and I’m back now... and now, everything is here.” Bill Denbrough had spoken.

Y/N’s hand rubbed up and down his shoulder and down to his forearm then back up again. He looked up and saw her dewy-eyed gaze, it made the Y/E/C colour deeper, Bill Denbrough had begun to swim in them and tried to shamelessly read what they were really telling him: ‘we were too young for all of that to ever happen Big Bill, I miss those days when we were kids’ or maybe that was just how he felt or wanted, hoped Y/N to feel.

Y/N’s eyes had only become more beautiful to Bill, he remembered how he used to worship them with every chance she gave him too and when she wasn’t looking, he would pray that she never looked over at him so he could look at the Y/E/C of them until it was all that he was seeing. Oh, the way Y/N’s eyes gleamed under the sun and the darker parts spiralled around the lighter tones, Bill fell in love with them and wanted to spend the rest of his life with them in his vision. He though they were much better than his green eyes and if they were to grow up and have kids one day once they were out of Derry, they would have the most gorgeous eyes if they were Y/N’s colour and shape. Looking back at so many summers ago, Bill Denbrough worshipped the ground Y/N walked on and wanted to kiss and bring his fingers down, over every part of her sun-kissed skin, he didn’t see it as a waste of his quick-passing time even now and would do anything gladly to be that fourteen year old boy again.

A shudder ran down Y/N’s back - oh how Bill had wanted to kiss all the way down her back from her shoulders so long ago - and a breath came past her lips that trembled. Y/N ran her hand down her thigh, the denim was smoothe but coarse under her fingers, she looked at her hand instead of how Bill was looking up at her, If she had kept her head up she would have forgotten how to function with normality. All of the things that had scared her evaporated and a new fear replaced that one, it bloomed like a flower on a warm day in spring, she hadn’t known what Bill was thinking of but she knew she was thinking about him in a way that she hadn’t since she was fourteen years old, it made all the pain of Derry seem so small and far behind. She enjoyed the fear he was making her feel it was new and different to the fear she had been conditioned to feel ever since a young age and there was such a beauty within it.

He took Y/N’s hand, warm and delicate, from his shoulder and held it in his own, when he stood from the chair there left an inch between them.

“You’re still mine” Bill spoke. He took his fingers over Y/N’s hand and brought them to his stomach, he pressed them against his warm skin and trailed her fingers down to the belt of his jeans. “I need to hear you say it, Y/N”.

She watched him move her hand over his belt from his stomach, her eyes followed the veins on the back of his hand to all the way up his forearm. It was not how she used to imagine Bill but it was more in it’s own way, the Bill that stood at five foot four and’s stutter was out of his control was a different person to the Bill that stood at six foot one and knew what he wanted. Y/N didn’t want to realise how vulnerable she was in front of him, she wanted to be with him in that moment and not think of when they would get another chance to be together as one, she wanted to feel every moment of the chance she had gotten then.

“I’m still yours Bill” Y/N muttered. Her hands grabbed at the buckle of his belt and un-looped it, she pulled it through the denim loops and let it drop onto the linoleum floor.

He stepped out of his jeans and walked Y/N backwards until she was pressed between his body and the countertop, she could feel the warmth of his breath so close on her lips. Bill Denbrough’s hand grabbed at the skin on her thigh and kneaded it, his fingers moved up her to her hip and grabbed it then up to her waist and caressed the skin there, he felt her ribs as he cupped one of her Y/B/S breasts under her blouse.

He had struggled to get her blouse off, tangled his forearms up in the sleeves off it and tore one of the buttons.

He dipped down to kiss Y/N’s lips, she was too focused on him slipping the blouse from her shoulders and onto the floor that what he wanted to show her, he squeezed her jaw and slipped his tongue into her mouth, it was then that she melted into him. She was so sweet and tasted better than the strawberries, raspberries and peaches he had shared with Audra last summer. Audra, his wife, whom he loved so dearly once and after seeing Y/N again could not love again, besides that passing thought, did not stay in his mind, she was so far away.

Y/N was sensitive to every place his lips touched on her, to everywhere his hands wandered over her and Bill Denbrough loved the sincere innocence of it all, it would stay with her until tomorrow morning and the following weeks to come - maybe even months. She felt the bullets ripple straight through her yet did not feel the pain of them and Y/N Y/L/N wanted to cry all at once because she feared that she would only find that in Bill Denbrough.

That afternoon, all of his desires that he carried - unbeknownst- through to adulthood yet that he had only remembered twenty four hours ago had leaped from fiction into a surreal shared moment with the woman whomst he longed for even before he knew it. He had left no part of skin or strand of hair untouched on Y/N Y/L/N and she had kissed him with such tenderness and touched him with so much of a desperation that Bill Denbrough feared his arms wrapped around her were crushing. They stood so close to one another and shared every emotion, thought, subtle notion; they had become the same person in their making of love in the muggy weather that made their bodies stick together.

“I am so much of you as you are of me” Y/N muttered against the crook of Bill’s neck as they laid on the sofa with their bodies naked against one another and arms and legs entangled. They watched the thunderclouds ripen and the lightning strike.