#i was supposed to post this before 1am for ONCE in my life but i ended up workimg hard on it

[dailyterumob]

pride terumob <3

sillies at pride 😋

[stupidlittlespirit]

Good Boy

Rating: NSFW (very!), mdni Type: Longform Tags: webcam show, voyeurism, sex work, masturbation, female body described, one use of gendered language ('ma'am'), virgin!Reigen, pathetic!Reigen, Word count: 5797 My other works: here on tumblr and here on Ao3! Reigen finds your webcam show and proceeds to be a pervert.

“Should I send my boss a video of what I'm busy doing?” You ask, rocking your ass back and forth. The skirt lifts when you bend down and Reigen catches a peek of your underwear when you lean over a little more. You turn until your back is to the camera and then begin to lift the skirt higher and higher as you dance, tantalisingly slow.

Reigen squeezes the base of his cock and smirks to himself. “I wouldn't bother.”

He finds the video by complete accident.

Reigen is scrolling aimlessly through the feed of his favourite porn sites, rows upon rows of explicit content at his fingertips as he trolls through videos he's seen so many times before he has them practically memorised. They don't do anything for him anymore.

He's bored of the repetitive scenarios and over the top acting, and if he has to watch another shitty, stilted skit again he's going to stop jerking off for the rest of his life in protest.

Well. Maybe he won't go that far, but he's certainly fed up with the lack of excitement.

It's closing in on one 1AM on a Friday night and Reigen is spending yet another weekend all on his own. Serizawa is busy with school friends, Dimple isn't in the mood to find a host body for a night out and Mob is likely fast asleep. If he's honest, even Reigen knows how pathetic he'd look if he asked a kid to spend his afterschool time with him.

The only other person he has to ask out is you. You're the newest member of the team and even though you've been out with all of them a fair few times, tonight you'd dismissed his suggestions with the simple excuse of being busy.

You hadn't specified what you were going to be busy with, but Reigen supposes it isn't really any of his business. He can't deny his disappointment, though.

He'd hoped you might jump at the chance for one on one time with him, and whilst he stares at the screen of his computer, desperate for something to make him feel less lonesome, the sting of your rejection is only softened slightly by the alcohol he's had for dinner.

At his feet, there are several cans of chuhai. Every time he drinks alone in his apartment, he finds that he only has two options when no one wants to be around him. One: get so wasted that he passes out before he can think too much about his misery or two: jerk off to prevent himself from thinking about his misery.

Right now, Reigen is reasonably drunk, he's totally lonely, and most of all, he's horny. He supposes he may as well achieve both outcomes at once tonight. He isn't looking for anything in particular right now, just something that might take the edge off and help him sleep a little better. His expectations of finding anything particularly exciting are very low.

However, perched at his PC, shirtless and in his sweatpants, Reigen is starting to think it might be a waste of time. Nothing seems of interest to him. It's either too weird or too boring, and he wonders if he might be better off just calling it a night.

In a last ditch attempt, he switches from his typical porn site to a newer one. One he hasn't tried before. Usually he'd watch something pre-recorded, but he faintly remembers reading something on a forum somewhere about the newest trend of cam girls.

The post had detailed how viewers could make requests for a performer to do whatever they wanted, all live and in real-time, and he has to admit it sounds a lot more interesting than viewing the same video over and over.

He clicks the first link that pops up from his search.

The website is simplistic and once he's clicked through his verifications, Reigen begins to scan the rows of people on offer. There are women and men and everything in between, but every time he selects one, the performer seems bored and uninspired. Sometimes, they're not even there.

Reigen tries the second page. He's halfway down it, not really paying full attention anymore, when abruptly one of the little preview windows looks vaguely familiar.

Squinting, he leans in to get a better view to try and place where he's seen that room before. The decor in the thumbnail looks like a place he's seen before, but he can't quite put his finger on where.

Reigen clicks it and at first, he doesn't quite believe what he's seeing. That decor, the colour of the walls, the furniture…. It's your apartment. He knows because he's been there; he's crashed on that very floor after several messy nights out, right beside the cushy bed that the camera is centered on.

He's absolutely, definitely, a hundred percent sure that that's your room.

For a second, he worries that someone might have snuck into your apartment and hidden a spy camera amongst your things without your knowledge. It's not unheard of for creeps to conceal webcams in places to catch footage of unsuspecting victims and although Reigen likes his fair share of voyeuristic content, he would never watch something that wasn't clearly a purposely set up scenario.

He reaches for his cell phone where it rests besides his keyboard, fully intending to call you and make you aware, when suddenly you're walking into frame and sitting on the bed, dressed only in your underwear, some sheer stockings and a ridiculously tiny little skirt.

You shoot the camera a coy smile and offer a little wave. “Welcome back, everyone.”

Reigen's jaw drops open.

You're on his fucking porn site.

You. Of all people.

Stunned, he watches you shift so that you can lie down on your bed, lounging leisurely on top of a thick, comfy looking blanket that covers your bedspread.

The lighting is low and moody, but there's a clearly a softer source of light emanating from somewhere behind the camera to ensure your half naked body can be seen properly.

Music is playing gently in the background, and beside the bed is a small table, on which rests a small selection of intimidating looking sex toys. There are a couple of interesting looking dildos, a chunky vibrator, and a few bottles of oil or something similar.

He watches you lean forward slightly to apparently read something on screen, your eyes scanning back and forth. Your tits press against the fabric of your bra as you shuffle up where you're resting, leaning forward to fiddle with what he assumes is your computer.

Reigen’s throat suddenly feels very dry.

Barely five hours ago, you'd been wishing him a nice weekend as you'd left the office, heading off for home to spend the weekend doing something that didn't include him. When you'd told him that you'd been too busy to go for a drink with them, he hadn't thought much of it.

Perhaps you'd been lying. Perhaps the real reason you'd said no had been to go and do this....

Briefly, he wonders if he's seeing things. Perhaps the room is simply similar to yours and you're not really you at all. Just another person who looks exceptionally similar.

He decides he needs to make sure that what he's stumbled across is the truth and not an unbelievably accurate illusion.

Reigen reaches for his phone again. Your face is just out of frame now and he can't be 100% sure that it's really you, but he's certain that he needs to find out. To test his theory, he types out a simple text, something casual to ensure that you'll have no idea that he's watching, and waits to see what happens.

[Reigen] - Hey, are you busy?

On screen there's a buzzing sound. You twist into a kneeling position to reach behind you and his blood runs cold. There's no way that it's a coincidence your phone is going off right now.

As he watches you shuffle back up to sit closer to the camera again, your pretty face comes into view and so does your cell phone, head aloft like a trophy. No doubt about it: this is no look alike.

You study your phone, reading the text and then glancing over to look at your audience. "Oh," You say, holding your phone up with a cheeky grin. “It's my boss.”

Underneath the video screen, there's a chatbox that's scrolling along, ticking upwards with each new message that pings through, and you look away from your phone to check it.

Several new chats pop up at your announcement and Reigen somehow manages to tear his eyes away from you to see what's being said.

What does he want? asks one viewer.

You laugh, soft and amused. “He wants to know if I'm busy.”

Your voice is softer than Reigen used to hearing it; teasing and intimate in a way that does something funny to his insides. A few more messages spin up in the chat:

is he cute?

Do you like him?

Would you fuck him?

Reigen swallows hard.

It's not like he hasn't thought about it. He's considered it several times, actually. In great, vivid detail. When he can't find any decent porn to get off too, he often finds thoughts of you wandering into his mind. Reigen knows it’s weird and unethical, but if no one else is aware then it's not like anyone can be hurt by it.

He's harboured a crush on you since the moment you'd walked into the office to drop off your CV and he hasn't known peace since. Every time you bend over to pick up files, he sneaks a peek at your ass. Whenever you brush up against him in passing, he prays he doesn't get hard. It's a nightmare.

When he's alone and he's given up on finding an ethical source of arousal for the evening, he’ll think about you in your office wear, or your underwear, or sometimes in nothing at all.

He's always had to imagine what you might look like naked and for some reason, he's never been able to get the vision to seem quite right. With nothing to reference, it's hard to know beyond the silhouette hidden by your clothes.

Until now, anyway.

You're leaning in close to look at the chat messages again, your tits pressed up against the thin fabric of your bra. They jiggle nicely as you move and Reigen feels his cock stir in his sweatpants. He reaches for the half-empty can of chuhai beside his PC and takes a swig to soothe his dry mouth.

“Oh yeah,” you say, biting down your lower lip. “Very cute. I'd fuck him anytime.”

Reigen almost chokes on his mouthful of fruity alcohol, spluttering awkwardly.

You begin to run your fingers up between the valley of your breasts, reaching over to toy with the lace cups of your bra and dipping your fingertips underneath the material to brush against your nipples.

“He's got such a great ass,” you whisper to the camera, biting down on your lip to stifle a smile. “I check him out all the time but he never catches me. What do you think he'd do if he did?”

Reigen's breath hitches. His face feels red hot at your confession and he knows that he's probably bright red, but can't believe what he's hearing.

The chat bumps up several rows, filled with suggestions and fantasies:

He'd punish you.

Probably promote you lol.

I bet he'd fuck you in the office.

“He would,” Reigen groans out loud to his empty room. “You have no idea how much he would.”

He's had plenty of daydreams about that exact scenario; bending you over his desk when everyone else has gone home for the day or letting you ride him while he sits in his office chair, slow and sweet until he fills you up. The thought drives him insane.

Almost of its own accord, his hand slips down to palm at his dick. There's a steadily growing wet patch on the front of his pants as pre cum begins to gather at the head and the slick friction of the fabric there only arouses him more.

“Ah,” you gasp happily as you pinch one of your nipples. “I wish.”

After a few seconds of touching your tits, you trace your hand up towards your collarbone and run your fingertips along them, back and forth slowly. It's teasing, erotic almost, and Reigen imagines your delicate fingers on his own skin, tickling along the soft flesh of his thighs or clutching at his back.

He's still reeling at your admitted attraction to him. He knows there's a chance that you're only playing things up for the camera, but he's so hard and so turned on by the notion that you might be into him that he doesn't care how true it is right now.

Rather than worry too much about the legitimacy, he hooks his thumb into the waistband of his sweats without looking away from the screen and shuffles in his seat so that he can expose his cock fully.

He knows he shouldn't really be watching this. He isn't even sure why you're on this website; he pays much more than he used to and there's no way you're short for cash, so you're not moonlighting to make ends meet. Maybe you just enjoy it?

The idea thrills him and so does the knowledge that what he's doing is forbidden. Again, he supposes that if you have no clue that he's watching you right now then he can excuse his actions…. Right?

“It's so unprofessional,” You're almost whispering now, talking softly as your touch travels to different parts of your body. “But I think about it all the time.”

Reigen reaches for the small bottle of lube that sits in the corner of his desk while you talk, squeezing some out onto the fingers of one hand. He trails it around his dick slowly, ignoring the chill and covering himself until the skin is slick and wet.

The chat pings again, except this time there's the sound of coins dropping. A pink message appears:

[400 coins] Ass shake/Dance

Briefly, Reigen is confused. He has no idea what that means and his hand pauses to check the message. Next to it is a little cartoon coin, and he realises that you've been tipped money to do an activity.

You smile brightly, however, clearly pleased by the strange sound, and slowly you get up from your seat. “Thank you so much!” You giggle, blowing a kiss to the camera.

He watches you stand and fiddle with something that looks like a TV remote, and then the quiet music in the background becomes a little louder. You begin to sway your hips in time with the beat of the music, turning on the spot slowly.

“Should I send my boss a video of what I'm busy doing?” You ask, rocking your ass back and forth.

The skirt lifts when you bend down and Reigen catches a peek of your underwear when you lean over a little more. You turn until your back is to the camera and then begin to lift the skirt higher and higher as you dance, tantalisingly slow.

Reigen squeezes the base of his cock and smirks to himself. “I wouldn't bother.”

Your skirt recedes to reveal the bare skin of your ass. You're wearing lacy underwear that barely covers your pussy and Reigen groans at the sight, watching closely as you wiggle your hips until the fat of your ass wobbles deliciously.

He barely gets ten seconds worth of a look before you're moving back to sit on your bed, and he can't help the disappointment that rises in him.

With his free hand, Reigen takes a chance and bravely types out a message in chat:

[anon] - keep going

“Ah ahh,” you chastise, clearly reading the command he's sent through. “Tip to make requests, boys, you know the rules.”

Reigen isn’t sure what he's more turned on by; the business sense or your bossy attitude.

One handed, he swiftly clicks through on the link that auto generates in chat to make an account. He spares a thanks that modern technology allows him to keep his credit card info saved online and as soon as everything has gone through, he comes right back to your room.

The chat spits out a menu, triggered by the forbidden request, that clearly states an extensive menu of services. There are lots of options, and Reigen's mouth begins to salivate as he scrolls down the list. Whilst he's busy reading, another tip comes in from a different user:

[800 coins] - topless

“Oh,” you say, grinning as you reach for your bra straps. “Stepping things up, huh?”

Your comment makes Reigen look up again and his stomach flips when he realises what's about to happen.

Teasing, you thumb down each strap, letting them fall down to your sides. You reach behind yourself to undo the clasp and very gradually, you lower the pretty lingerie until finally, the lace falls away to expose your chest to the camera.

Reigen stares at the screen, mouth open, and his hand begins to stroke his cock. He's imagined seeing your naked chest more times than he can recall but his mind's eye is nothing in comparison to the real (or rather, virtual) thing. They're gorgeous. Perfect, in fact. He's not sure that he's ever seen anything better.

Embarrassed as he is to admit, Reigen has never actually seen anyone naked in real life. He's never even fucked another person, but he's seen his fair share of porn and none of those videos compare to you.

Every fantasy he's ever had has been completely imaginary and he doesn't dare make a move to find sex in real life; being an adult virgin is horribly embarrassing and he doesn't want to risk being laughed at. For now, he'll stick to his usual viewing habits.

“Fuck.” Reigen mutters, breath hitching. His hand works the length of his cock, fist tight and slick with lube, and on screen you're reaching up to play with your nipples again.

Enraptured by your image, he tightens his grip on the bottom of his dick every time you pinch yourself gently.

You take both tits in hand and squeeze them together, biting your lower lip and grinning as chat messages pour through. It's evident that you're enjoying yourself and it makes Reigen feel slightly less guilty for being a pervert.

The languid strokes of his cock become even slower while he types out the message he'd intended to send before, heart pounding in anticipation:

[950 coins] - remove skirt/underwear

The jingle of the tip plays and your eyes light up. “Oh,” you say, leaning forward to check the request. “You're new here.”

Momentarily, Reigen's hand pauses. His username is just a randomly generated set of numbers. There's no way you'd be able to tell his true identity from, yet he briefly panics that you might have rumbled him. He holds his breath for a second.

You nibble your lower lip and smile, but his cover isn't blown. “You guys are excited today, hm?” You laugh, getting up again and shifting the camera to ensure everyone can see what you're doing.

Carefully, you make a show of lifting up your skirt and undoing the side clasp before letting it fall to the floor with a soft thump. The panties you're wearing are tiny, yet they cover you well enough that it's hard to see much just yet. You give your ass a little shake again and bend over, spreading your legs.

Relieved, Reigen's hand begins to move again and without looking away, he shirks his sweatpants completely. His body feels hot all over and being constrained by his clothing feels unbearably uncomfortable. He kicks the trousers away from him and grins at your excited laughter.

“How's the view?” You ask, squeezing your ass gently.

“Perfect,” Reigen grunts, as though you can hear him.

You're reaching between your legs now, stroking your covered pussy up and down, and Reigen moans quietly. Chat messages are stacking up below your video screen, but he only has eyes for you right now.

Deliberately unhurried, you drag your hand back through your legs and take hold of the waistband of your panties. You pull the fabric down, down, down, slipping it over your round ass until finally you're baring yourself to the world in the most intimate way.

Wetness clings to your underwear when you tug it away and you're visibly aroused by the movement, making a soft sound of pleasure.

Reigen almost cums immediately. He grits his teeth and exhales sharply, letting go of his cock and willing himself not to finish early. It would be a shame to spend himself so soon and he wants nothing more than to spend all night staring into you.

“Like that?” You ask your audience, voice a little muffled now that you're turned away.

Several messages affirm that they do, in fact, like what they're seeing.

Reigen breathes heavily through his nose and rolls his chair closer to the monitor again. He takes a second to calm himself down, though he doesn't stop watching you wiggle your backside, and once he feels capable, he types out another request:

[1000 coins] - touch yourself

This time, he follows it up with a ‘please’ and you turn slightly to see what's happening.

You smirk and move back toward the bed, choosing to sit down and spread your legs this time. The view is still perfectly clear and Reigen finds that he likes this much better; he can see your pretty face, your tits and your wet pussy all at once. Hand firm on his dick, he starts to jerk off again.

“Do you like what you see?” You giggle, hand wandering southwards.

“Fuck, yeah I do.” Reigen groans, swiping his thumb over the head. The motion sends a shiver through his body and he fumbles with his free hand and keyboard to type out an affirmative answer.

You smile, coy, and stop your fingers just above your clit. “And what do we say when we want something?”

Reigen swears under his breath. He likes this; being forced to ask nicely and hope that he's given what he wants. He doesn't know why he enjoys it, but the idea of having to plead for your attention and his own release does something undeniable to his body, and he loves every second.

The flush on his face travels down his neck and burns the tips of his ears, spurred on by his myriad of emotions.

With one sweaty hand he types out:

please

touch yourself, please

The smile that comes to your face when you notice his message is positively wicked and your hand drops lower, gathering wetness. “I think you can ask even more nicely than that, can't you?”

He doesn't care that he's paid for a simple act. What he's getting right now is more arousing than anything he could have ever dreamt of receiving. The way his cock twitches in his hand suggests his body agrees. “Please.” Reigen whispers to his empty room, voice breaking. “Fuck, please, touch your fucking pussy for me.”

Panting and moaning with every stroke of his fist, Reigen shakily taps out another desperate response.

plsaase

pls

im begging u

It's obviously the right response because you do exactly as he asks: your fingers begin to brush over your clit and you gasp at the contact. Gently, you rub yourself in tiny circles. Your skin glistens in the light and even with the music playing, he can hear your moans and sighs when your touches speed up.

Reigen jerks himself off in time with your movements. His apartment fills with the wet, oily noises of his lubed up palm on his dick and his heavy breathing, broken only by his pathetic begging for more. “Oh god,” he whines, leaning forward in his seat to grip the edge of his desk. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

He wants to ask for more, to see you get even more explicit, however he worries that if he lets go of his desk he might keel over. Fortunately for Reigen, another request pings in. This one goes even further.

The anonymous user tips a significant amount and much to Reigen's horny delight, asks you to use one of the larger sex toys on the table next to your bed.

A few minutes pass in which you continue to touch your clit and Reigen realises that you're getting caught up in this yourself. You're so lost in your own pleasure that you're too busy to see what your audience want.

It turns him on no end.

Eventually, you force yourself to pause and glance at the chat. There are a few annoyed messages about you ignoring them, but you pay them no mind, instead saying a breathless thank you to the new requester and reaching for a sizable, pink dildo. It's thick and decently long, and you hold it out for him to see properly.

“Should I use this one?” Your voice is fraying at the edges, strained from all your noise.

Oh yeah

Fuck yeah use it

Do it

You don't appear to need much encouragement and you sit back on your elbows, legs spreading even wider as you rub the head of the fake cock over your pussy.

Reigen imagines that instead of cool, false plastic, it's his dick that you're grinding your hips into. He pictures himself between your legs, gently slapping the swollen tip of his cock against the soft, wet folds of your cunt whilst you squirm and groan in pleasure. His moans are getting louder now, unrestrained and wrecked, and he knows he sounds like a girl but he can't find it in himself to give a fuck.

Again, he almost cums, but rather than let it happen he allows himself to get as close as he dares and then stops touching completely. He has plenty of time to draw this out; you haven't even put the dildo in yet.

You're still circling it around your hole slowly, grinning and chewing on your lip in anticipation of what's to, rather ironically, come.

Sweat trickles down Reigen's neck. He's over stimulated and unbearably turned on, body red hot and flushed. He reaches for his drink again and takes a quick gulp before picking right up where he left off.

“Wanna see me fuck myself?” You tease, peering at the message box.

Reigen is the only one who responds. He knows it's likely because every other person in here is too busy getting off to answer, yet he seizes the chance to catch your attention.

yes please

Your warm smile returns and he finds himself smiling too, enjoying the way your expression softens. “You're a sweetheart, aren't you?” You say fondly, sitting up a bit more.

Reigen grins and nods, even though he knows you can't see him. He dials up his politeness, practically gagging for your attention, and moves his hand down to stroke along the sides of his dick, teasing himself as he type:.

yes ma'am

Something changes in your gaze at his message, hot and intense, and you start to circle your clit again. “Ask me again.” You sigh happily. “Be a good boy.”

Reigen's brain almost short circuits at your comment. He moans again and tips his head back, hand working hard between his legs. “Oh, my god.” He chokes out, scrambling to answer via his keyboard. “Fuck, that's- say that again.”

please ma'am

pls fuck urself

ill do anything i swear

just call me that again

You're clearly entertained by his request. Even more so, you appear to be turned on by it. Slow and steady, you ease the dildo into yourself, keening loudly at the sensation yet still managing to fulfill Reigen's request.

“Good boy,” you breathe, smiling wide. “You're such a good boy for me.”

Reigen makes a humiliating noise. It's a mix of a moan and a sob, and he stops jerking his cock in favour of fucking his own hand instead. His hips buck forward wildly, uncontrollable and desperate, and he attempts to match the tempo in which you fuck yourself.

He watches in awe as you drive the dildo into your cunt, arousal dripping down the length of it and leaving it shiny and slick.

“Oh, fuck,” Reigen chokes out breathlessly, grinding into his fist like he's fucking you himself. “Don't stop, fuck, don't stop.”

His moans mix with yours on screen and if he could bear to close his eyes, he might imagine that this is what it feels like to be inside you. As it is, he can't bear to look anywhere but at you.

Your hand is moving quickly now, pumping the toy in and out while you rub your clit just as fast, crying out in pleasure.

Reigen's girly moans pick up in pitch and he begs you with everything he has: “Keep going, please, I-ha! You feel so good, so good, fuck!”

As though you can hear his pleas, you don't relent your movements. Your tits bounce with the force that you're fucking yourself with and you groan every time you hit a good spot.

It's obvious that you're no longer playing along with whatever your audience wants; You're lost in the sensation and Reigen is completely beside himself, right there with you.

His chair rocks and creaks underneath his moving weight and he scrunches up his bare toes against the wooden flooring to stay put, listening to you as you continue to encourage him.

“You're my good boy, aren't you?” You pant, eyes closed. “Touching yourself just like I asked….”

“Yeah,” Reigen whimpers. “I swear, just for you, whatever you want.”

“Fuck,” you sigh on screen, angling the toy. “Fuck.”

Reigen can barely breathe. He's sweating profusely, rivulets trickling down his brow and blurring his vision, and he can feel something tight and white hot coiling in his lower belly.

The pressure is building slowly, growing with every pass of his fist and every moan you make on his monitor, and his ability to speak unravels. He's babbling about anything and everything, eyes darting from your pussy to your face, and the feeling in his belly spikes.

“Oh, god, oh fuck,” he whines, long and low. “I'm gonna cum, I'm- please, let me cum!” His pathetic moans hitch and in their lull, he hears you speak a single word that sends him crashing over the edge:

“Reigen!”

You cry his name quietly, sweeter than a prayer, and shudder as you climax with him.

Unable to stop it, Reigen's orgasm hits him so hard he almost blacks out for a moment. He cums hard, spilling all over his fist and stomach, his toes curling and body convulsing with intense pleasure. He ducks his head and shouts something unintelligible, drool dripping down from his open mouth to mix with the mess on his hand.

The aftershock of his orgasm has him spasming in its wake, muscles twitching and cramping as he heaves for breath. Reigen releases his cock and slumps back in his chair, panting hard like he's run a marathon.

He's fairly confident that it might be the best orgasm he's ever had.

On screen, the music has stopped and there's only the sound of your laboured breathing filling the silence. You're panting hard, pussy spread by your toy, and you look wrecked. Your hair is a mess, your eyes are half-lidded, and underneath you the blanket is soaked.

Reigen wipes the sweat from his forehead with his clean hand and takes a few minutes to gather his bearings. He sees you remove the toy slowly and place it back on the bedside table before you sit back down, cross legged, on the bed. You avoid the wet patch, wrinkling your nose and flipping the blanket over to prevent yourself from sitting on it, and you pause to catch your breath. Your chest rises and falls rapidly for a minute, and he watches you catch your breath.

Clearly you're a seasoned professional however, because you go back to checking your chat messages only minutes later. Every user in the room is overjoyed with your performance and Reigen has to agree. He's never seen a porno anywhere near as sexy as what he just witnessed and he's not sure he ever will.

Reigen reaches over for the box of tissues next to his computer and carefully wipes up the mess on his hand. There's cum on the floor too and when he's confident that his jelly-like legs won't let him fall off the chair, he leans down to clean it up.

Once everything is less sticky, Reigen checks the chat. There are a good few messages pinging up and they make him smile, big and stupid, and more than a little smug:

Who is Reigen?

Fuck, he's a lucky guy

Wish I was him

Listening to you moan his name, watching your face whilst you'd fucked yourself silly, it's all imprinted on his brain forever.

He's still reeling over the fact that it was his name on your lips as you came. You've never shown interest in him like that, at least not to his knowledge, and if you've been getting yourself off to the thought of him anywhere near as much as he has to you, Reigen wonders if it might be worth catching a few more of these streams until he can find the courage to see if you might want to to go out sometime.

You're putting your lingerie back on when he looks back up to you again. There's a glow to you that only appears after a good fucking and Reigen's stomach summersaults. He knows that the small crush he has on you is going to snowball dramatically now.

He won't be able to look you in the eye again without thinking of the sounds you've made tonight. That being said, he’ll worry about how to deal with the awkwardness and the shame of spying on his subordinate once he's sober tomorrow morning. For now, he’ll enjoy the rest of his evening watching you.

You don't acknowledge the chat’s questions about who you're thinking of in your intimate throes, instead choosing to finish getting dressed and then grabbing your phone from where it sits at the end of your bed.

“Now I really should reply to my boss,” you tell the chat, leaning across the gap to click something with your mouse. “One second.”

The stream mutes and your fingers move back and forth over the phone keypad quickly. There's silence, and then Reigen's cell vibrates loudly. It scares the shit out of him and he snatches it up, staring at the screen.

Sorry. I was playing online. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow?

Reigen grins and fires back the smartest reply he can think of.

[Reigen] - Don't wear yourself out ;)

On his monitor, he sees you laugh silently, head tipped back and smiling wide, and his heart skips a beat.

Tomorrow it is.

[callmearcturus]

the gross pointe blank au

goddammit i CANNOT locate the post about this

okay so before the Epilogue killed my love of HS, i was meticulously planning out a fic that spiritually became SWDKTOWL. it was the Gross Pointe Blank AU.

the basic concept was a reworking of the original movie but with dirkjake. jake and dirk were high school sweethearts-- oh shit i found the original summary

Jake English went through the same crisis a lot of teenagers do on the cusp of adulthood, and ran away from home. He ran all the way into the army and was funneled into a particular CIA program that handles extrajudicial operations. He learned plenty of important life skills, like sniping and poison application and martial executions before leaving the CIA to go into business for himself as a private contractor.

Back in Austin, Jake left behind his high school sweetheart, Dirk Strider, but Dirk Strider never quite left him, carried around like a bullet waiting for its home. First, Jake dreamed of Dirk nightly, the boy he’d stood up and run away from. Then, a few years later, he learned his old flame was running a radio show back home. Soon, Jake’s jobs were filled with the voice of that same ghost every night.

He didn’t have to acknowledge how creepy this was, pining over his ex while listening to his show during jobs. Not until a job called him back to Austin, back to his once hometown.

This was going to be awkward.

yeah so jake runs away from home, becomes a gov't agent, then goes into business as an assassin, traveling the world, meeting people, and killing them. he's very much adrift, and still hung up on the things he abandoned and left behind.

when the information tech revolution happens, jake gets a smartphone and does the one thing you should NEVER DO and looks up his ex. dirk is still in Austin, TX, and it turns out his rich daddy bought him a radio station (well, Dave bought the station and thus Dirk can do his nightly music-and-philosophy show). and when jake realizes he can stream this show, he starts doing so. every night. his phone remains synched to the time zone back in Austin just so he can always know when its time.

i had this very very vivid image of jake, just getting out of a really bad job, stealing a car, and parking it in one of those tall, automated parking garages in dubai. as he waits for his pain meds to kick in at 1am, he listens to dirk's show, his phone resting on his chest, listening to dirk talk about obscure music opinions.

(many more details under the cut)

also here's the kicker; i was going to try to uh. voice the segments and embed them in the fic. yeah i know, terrible. here's the only one i previewed, all the way back in 2019. yeah don't laugh at me.

anyway, eventually The Plot kicks off. Jake fucks up a job (i had it in my head he was supposed to assassinate Cronus but accidentally killed Eridan, and the client (Dualscar) was Not Happy). he has to take a high profile job in the US to make amends. it just so happens to be in Austin, TX. What are the fucking odds.

now in the original GPB movie, Dan Akroyd plays this rival assassin who wants to form an Assassin Union and tries to force John Cuscak to join in. that's dated now in 2022, as it was in 2019 when i was plotting this so instead:

as soon as jake lands in the US, his car is tailed. really unsubtly. he finds a secluded spot to pull off too. it turns out good old Janey wants to have a chat. now that Jake has slinked back to the US, she wants to float this idea she has of franchising the murder biz, and she wants Jake to buy in and open one of the franchises under her banner. Jake is like yeah no that seems silly, this is an industry of mentally ill folks with a shitload of guns, we're not exactly the most community-driven of peoples. Jane tells him to reconsider. 8) He should really reconsider. Under her plan, in 5 years there will be no freelance work, it'll ALLLLL be under her umbrella and if Jake knows what's good for him, he'll get in at the ground floor. They part contentiously.

So Jake is SUPPOSED to open up this dossier on his target and get to killing, but. He's back home, and can super casually drive past Dirk's radio station while listening to it. Not creepy at all! Not obsessed and hung up on it! Nope!

He gets caught out eventually, not by Dirk but by Roxy. (Roxy is trans and Jake was the first person she told her cool new name too, and they were super close back in the day.) She is hyped as fuck to see Jake but also like "yo why the fuck are you idling in a rented car outside the job of the dude you stood up so much you left the fucking country, homes?"

it's a mess, and Jake wants to reconnect with people. it's Fucking Hard because he's uuuuuuuuuuh having a midlife crisis? basically? thinking about his life, his job, and all he left behind. meanwhile, jane is trying to do jake's assassination before he can to scope it out from under him and get him into even DEEPER shit with Dualscar, but jake cannot focus on that shit when he finally can see dirk again.

and dirk is. not THRILLED to see him. because Dirk waited and waited and waited, and Jake never came back, and Dirk isn't SAYING he never got over it but. yeah. so Dirk is tsuntsundere at best with jake, but jfc every time they are in a room together they can Feel It, the tension.

All of this is interspersed with more radio segments. one i really liked was Dirk doing a Arctic Monkeys block and having a whole segment about Alex Turner and that thing he said about how he wrote the best album of 2013 ("AM") and how fucking infuriating men like that are, because he's right, obviously, but also what is the poisoned lure of dudes who walk around knowing the effect they have on you? how do you handle them? (he's talking about jake natch) there was a lot of specially curated music that's basically a conversation-by-proxy with jake, i was gonna have a lot of fun there.

anwyay, things come to a head. right as jake is like "okay I'm gonna do this final job and then QUIT and try things with dirk," he opens the dossier he shoulda opened two weeks ago.... and his target is Dave fucking Strider. dumb. fucking. luck.

jake rushes to save dirk's dad from being merced by Jane's team, and does the full john cusack, "Dirk. [murders a guy] I'm in love with you. And I think we can make this work!" action sequence

/JAZZ HANDS

[1ouis]

Overwhelmed with how amazing today already is and I'm feeling extremely physically ill atm... LmAO Just rolling with it. 😵‍💫

I'm sad I didn't prepare anything for Louis' birthday... I wish I did. Maybe next year if I'm still in the fandom. I might be. I've always low-key been a Louie. You can maybe see his pretty face's influence on the fan art I've drawn of anime boys 😎

I'll be sharing other people's works later maybe today!!! I'm so proud of all the creators in our fandom as well. I was wondering if this fandom was still alive until I ran into a random YouTube comment.

Excuse me, I feel so delirious from how sick I feel. So surprisingly happy too?? I'd take medicine but I've already been taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen almost every day due to other pains... I caught something from my best friend this time. LOL 😅 All the mental pain from this year and the years of holiday trauma didn't prepare me for tonight. I really don't expect anything?? 😭

Another thing, I have some request art for people that I wanted to take care of in 2 days... I almost made it but the last few days were... Extremely heavy and toxic, I'm sorry. I was asking people to request me, too. I'm so embarrassed, but life can be a rollercoaster like that I suppose... 🙁 If either of the two lovely people are reading this, YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM ME SOON HOPEFULLY 😭

All my amazing mooties, artists, writers, editors, and absolutely hILAROUS people I follow, and the people who liked my personal posts before, the people who've been so nice to me here... You have no idea how much you've brightened my asocial ass life. If I sound like a broken record, it's because I am. I really need to reach out to people more, but It's so difficult for me to 🥲

Whether you post(ed) something earlier in the year, today, later, know that I love you, I love you, I love yooouu, thank you for brightening our dashes with your posts!! I'm so proud of you. You have no idea! 🥰

Anyway... because Idk how to change the topic 😓

My sis & I are both sober hobby artists, btw lol

What sprung these feelings... Not the the holiday spirit, tbh, not LOUIS FUCKING TOMLINSON'S BIRTHDAY. (IT'S ADDING TO IT NOW THOUGH LMAO 😭😭😭)

I listened to one of the most engaging & fun No Sleep Podcasts with my sister. It's 1am now but I'll be up for a little longer because she asked. It's all horror. Lol The last one we listened to hit so close to home at one point, but I couldn't completely focus because I was so shook at how my line art was coming out?? I made one of my life achievements before the year ended?? Like wHAT?? IT'S AN X-MAS EVE MIRACLE 😭😭😭

Gonna try to keep it up when I feel less sick... and a lil during. ✌️🤪 I HOPE THIS MEANS YOU ALL WILL GET MORE ART FROM ME??! That's so exciting?? I wanna be more proud of myself on my art journey next year... Once I find a job, a therapist and get on meds again, maybe that could be a reality for me...

My sister also made the most lovely gift for someone on the spot. She doesn't see how absolutely adorable & beautiful it is, but I do. I took some pics cuz it was that satisfying to look at?? I WANNA MAKE FANART OF IT.

We both need to believe in ourselves more... Gonna show her the photos of the cow I took in a couple of months. I hope she sees what I see some day. That's one of my holiday wishes 🥺

[thatsmellofrain]

🌩 astrology observations 🌩

because someday i had to hop on the bandwagon after reading them for so long.

DISCLAIMER: these observations all come from personal experience, i am no professional astrologer, only take what resonates!

☁️ venus in the cancer-capricorn axis are so damn underrated. i swear, these people are the ultimate providers in relationships, and they'll always be there for you when you need it, true ride or die energy with these people.

☁️ i can never realize someone's a pisces rising until they show me their chart. pisces in general tends to be very flowy and adaptable, so it may be more natural for these risings to blend in with the crowd.  h o w e v e r , their eyes might be a good giveaway. they tend to have an overall soft, watery look even if they're not blue (examples: billie eilish, michael jackson, zayn malik).

☁️ speaking of pisces placements, i've noticed most of the ones i know have shown deep interest in different artistic pursuits, specially songwriting, poetry, photography and film.

☁️ the same goes for leos but with them (and i say these as someone who attracts way too much leo energy) it's more related to performing arts. the ones i've seen more interested in writing also had a virgo mercury.

☁️ i've never seen two capricorns have a peaceful relationship with their parents, there's always one of them who prefers not to talk about it.

☁️ besides, i've seen that you're not "supposed" to get along with signs inconjunct (that make an angle of 150°, or are five signs away from yours) yours, since the inconjunction/quincunx is an aspect of total misunderstanding. however, i find signs like gemini and leo way too prominent on most of my friends' charts. maybe it's because i am a fire dominant as well so i tend to enjoy having fire and air energy all around me, but... i disagree with "textbook" astrology on this particular take. if leos and geminis bring me discord, i want more of it.

☁️ this is a popular one, but stop with the oversexualization of scorpio placements. the scorpio archetype has to do with many more things such as discoveries, taboo, mystery, emotional depth, secrets, the unknown, looking deep within ourselves, psychology. it is also related to sexuality, but... chill out on that aspect, please.

☁️ aquarius placements culture is saying: "i did x before it was popular". and i am directing this towards most of gen z because we all have at least one generational planet in there (could be uranus, neptune or both -i have both). if they're personal planets, of course the effect is even more intense.

☁️ the sagittarius-gemini axis gets the best ranter award, i swear i could hear these guys talk for hours.

☁️ can some people stop stereotyping sag and gemini venuses as cheaters? as a sag venus, i do tend to get bored easily, but that doesn't mean i'll cheat, i just need someone who can keep up with a great amount of energy and my random rants at 1am about useless topics.

☁️ look at the top students in your class, they probably have an earth or air mercury since those are the elements where mercury's the most comfortable in. that doesn't mean that if you have a water/fire mercury you're dumb, by the way, it's just that communication may not be as effective and striaghtforward, with cold hard facts.

☁️ people with aquarius in personal planets can go from "fashion icon" to "wtf were you thinking??" way too fast. but you guys, just like your sister sign leo, certainly do not go unnoticed.

☁️ i have come to the conclusion that the most intense energy belongs to fixed signs. i can feel those folks from a mile away. i've also been living in a fixed dominant family my whole life, so i have experience with them in general.

☁️ speaking of fixed signs, i'd like to add that not only tauruses are the monarchs of stubbornness, but the entire fixed mode can have that characteristic as well. of course, it depends of the entire chart, but when i encounter someone who's a fixed dominant and they disagree with me on something, even though i'm right, i just let them be for a while. they probably won't admit you were right and might act like it was their idea all along, though.

☁️ you may tend to enjoy music made by people who have personal placements landing on your fifth house. for example, i am an aries rising, so my 5H lands in leo, sign that many of my favorite artists have as their big three (rina sawayama, woodz, phoebe bridgers and jesse rutherford are leo suns; jungkook and heize are leo moons). also pay attention to the signs in your 8H and 12H along with your venus sign, your faves could have important placements in those.

☁️ fire risings all radiate main characte, given that the houses are all in the elements they are the most comortable in (the 1st is in a fire sign, the 2nd in earth, the 3rd in air, 4th in water, etc.). and in the case of aries risings, we have all our houses "in order".

☁️ people tend to stereotype aries placements as the ones with anger issues (when we're just being passionate, btw 🙄), but... have you guys seen a taurus? specifically a taurus mars? they'll raise hell if you cross the limits of their patience.

☁️ fire dominant culture is being told you're being "too much" at least once a week...

☁️ it's so fun to see my mom and i pick a destination to go to because you can literally see our venus signs in action. she, a taurus venus, is always talking about how much she wants to go somewhere she can be comfortable, in a resort with beautiful views to the coast. on the contrary there's me, a sagittarius venus, who would much rather get lost in a city, exploring and learning and moving all the time because that's how restless i am. i just can't imagine paying so much just to be locked up in a hotel, you know? i need to go places.

☁️ moon in the 6H people deserve an award for being the underrated mom friends we all need -they'll call you out on your bs right away, specially if they have strong aries energy.

thank you guys for reading! i might post more of these soon.

[bi-bi-buckleydiaz]

deep breath, do your job | owen joyner

requested; yes! - Could you do a Owen x reader where the reader is Owens personal assistant while filming JATP and while they are filming the reader starts catching feelings for Owen but Owen is in a relationship. Owen and his girlfriend breakup and the reader comes over to comfort Owen and Owen confesses that the reason him and his girlfriend broke up was because of the reader.

word count; 6.4K ... yeah kinda got away from me there. longest fic i’ve ever written

warnings; language, implied sexual content but no actual sex or description thereof

a/n; lol, so i just wrote from 1AM - 4AM because i’m procrastinating my child dev. project thats due today that’s worth a quarter of my grade. i really didn’t mean for this to be so long so it’s probably not this good and the ending is a lil’ rough, but oh well. hope whoever requested this likes it. i kinda do even though it’s long and only slightly proofread.

“Owen Patrick Joyner! Get your ass into hair and makeup before - oh, um, okay oops. Sorry ‘bout that. Should have knocked. I’ll just - yep, i’ll just go.” 

You thought he’d be sleeping. It’s nap time for him anyway, so he should’ve been sleeping. Instead, your technically boss and definite crush, was on his trailer couch with a girl you’ve never seen before. Kissing her. Without a shirt. Yeah, you definitely need to get out of there. 

You’re quick to close his door and begin to walk back to the hair and makeup trailer to tell them Owen will be a minute. 

“Y/N! Hey! Wait up! It’s um, it’s not, well it is, but -” He grabs your arm, causing you to turn around and face him, which, big mistake. Abort. Abort. Turn around. His post make out face is something you did not want to see. Liar.  

“It’s fine Owen. What you do in your free time is not my, well, actually it is since i’m your PA, I just mean who - WHAT, what you do in your personal time, in your trailer, is not my concern. Just, you’re needed in hair and makeup like, an hour ago. So, yeah, just, get there.” You stumble over half your words and watch his face fall as you near the end of your spiel. When he lets go of your arm you’re quick to turn around and leave him alone, walking right past hair and makeup and to set where you can curl up in your chair and eat your weight in brownies, if Madi hasn’t taken them all that is. You hope he goes to get his hair done. You know you should walk with him there because if you’re not practically dragging him to where he needs to go he never gets there on time, as just witnessed. But it’s usually because he’s goofing off with Charlie, not sucking face with a random girl. 

You don’t notice the brownie in your hand has crumbled until a whistle comes from behind you. You turn around a little too quickly, sending the brownie bits flying to the floor. 

“Shit.” You kneel down to begin picking it up, another hand coming into help. Charlie, based on the rings adorning the fingers. 

“Is Owen’s keeper okay?” You huff a laugh at the name the cast gave you a week into filming. You’re the only one who has managed to keep Owen in line since filming started, the only reason he’s ever on time for anything or actually has real food in the apartment or has his drumsticks when needed, etc. etc. 

The boys didn’t want PA’s when Kenny proposed it during bootcamp, they were young adults, they didn't want to boss someone around, it felt wrong. But having more experience than the boys, Kenny vetoed how they felt and told them PA’s would help tremendously, especially on a project like this. That’s where you came in. You were trying to get into the directing and producing scene in Hollywood, you’re dream to be as good a director as Steven Spielberg or, well, Kenny Ortega. But you knew you had to start small, so you applied for a PA job on an upcoming Netflix show, getting hired within the week. Now here you are, a nineteen year old being in charge of another nineteen year old who acts more like he’s five. 

In the beginning, it was purely professional. You were nothing more than his PA who got him from place A to place B in a timely fashion. But then he started to rope you into pranks with the rest of the band. He started inviting you to movie nights, and adventures to the grocery store, and ice skating with Charlie and Madi, and somewhere between helping him keep his life in order and watching him fall on his ass at the ice rink, you fell for the blonde. You know it’s a mistake, falling for him. You work for him. He’s your friend. That’s all he sees you as, but you couldn’t help it. But you’re good at compartmentalizing, so you took all the inappropriate feelings, shoved them in a box, locked the box, and hid it deep in your unconscious. You were doing well with ignoring the box, until you walked in on Owen kissing someone that wasn’t you. 

“I’m fine Charlie, just, stressed. Owen was an hour late to hair and makeup so I kinda feel like a shit PA right now.” Charlie chuckles and hugs you as you both stand up. 

“Please Y/N, you’re the best PA. If it weren’t for you, Owen would never know where anything is, including his head.” You laugh into his shoulder, reveling in the hug for a few more seconds. When you part, you see a flash of blonde enter the set and sigh in relief. He made it. He’s ready. You’re not fired today. 

Just incredibly confused and upset. 

But not fired.

“You better go, I know you’re in this scene with Owen.” Charlie nods and squeezes your shoulder once before running after Owen onto the set that holds Julie’s shed. Taking a deep breath, you try to push whatever the hell you saw ten minutes ago into your box, and get ready for the day ahead. 

Four hours, six brownies, and two cookies later, Owen is officially wrapped for the day, meaning you can go home and continue to eat your feelings in ice cream. You’re quick to grab your binder full of Owen’s schedules to drop tomorrow’s off at his trailer before he sees you. You’re not really in the mood to talk to him about what happened earlier, so you fast walk to his trailer, fully intent on just leaving the paper on his counter where he’ll see it, but a brown haired, green eyed girl throws that plan right out the window. 

You’re so stupid. You should’ve known she would still be here. Waiting. 

“Oh, um, hi.” She says. She sounds nice. She looks nice. But when you look at her all you can see is her hands in Owen’s hair and his lips on hers. 

“Hi.” You don’t know how, but you managed to put on a smile and put a little pep into your voice. “I’m Ashley. I’m waiting for Owen. Is he done?” You nod, not trusting your voice as you stand awkwardly in the doorway, one foot on the step the other in the trailer, hand outstretched ready to place the schedule on the table. 

“He just wrapped for the day. Should be here in a few.” The girl - Ashley - nods. 

“You’re Y/N, right? His personal assistant?” How does she know that. She giggles, “He talks about you all the time. Says the only reason he’s not fired or dead in a ditch is because of you.” OH, you said that aloud. Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoo-

“Y/N! What are ya doing just standing in the doorway?” Fuck. You put a smile on and turn around. He’s smiling softly at you, still in Alex’s clothes, twirling those damn drumsticks around his fingers. 

“Um, just dropping tomorrow’s schedule off. Here. Okay...bye.” You walk down the steps, letting the door shut behind you, fully intent on leaving, but Owen grabs your arm again, just like earlier, causing you to stop and turn to look at him. 

“Wait. Can we talk real quick. About...earlier?” No. No absolutely not. 

“Um, I really have to go. I have a lot to do tonight for tomorrow.” Owen sighs and lets go of your arm, face contorting into that of a sad puppy. 

“Just, one minute Y/N. Please. Let me explain.” Screw him and his perfect freaking face. 

“A minute.” His face lights up and grabs your hand, leading you back into his trailer, smiling even wider at seeing Ashley sitting pretty on the couch. 

“Y/N, this is Ashley, my girlfriend.” Ashley smiles and waves, standing up to stand by Owen and grab his hand. A rock settles in your chest at the word. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

“Nice. I’m Y/N. But you knew that. Just like you also know I’m in charge of getting him to places on time. Which didn't happen today.” Owen’s face flushes at that while Ashley terribly hides a smirk behind her hand. 

“Uh, yeah, sorry about that Y/N. She surprised me today. We weren’t supposed to see each other until Thanksgiving but she finished classes early and flew out to surprise me. Kinda got, caught up in -” His face is beat red so you’re quick to cut him off. 

“It’s fine. Just, try not to get ‘caught up’ tomorrow, yeah?” It’s harsh and full of hostility, but you want to leave, the word still bouncing around in your head, swirling around the scene you walked into earlier. 

Girlfriend. 

Kissing. 

Girlfriend. 

Flushed face. 

Girlfriend. 

Kissing. 

“I have to go. See you tomorrow on set at 5 Am. Got it? Five A M. Don’t make me break into your apartment again. I almost got arrested for that.” Owen is still reeling from your harsh words said a second ago to laugh at the memory. Ashley however, has no qualms about speaking up. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure he’s here on time.” She smiles and wraps around his arm like a koala. You hold back a scoff, throwing up a fake smile before turning and leaving. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

Girlfriend. 

It’s almost midnight.

It’s 11:48 PM and someone is knocking on your door. 

Who the fuck is pounding on your door at near midnight. 

You shuffle to the door wrapped up in your comforter, wiping the sleep out of your eyes. You don’t bother looking through the peephole, too angry at the person behind the door to bother, just wanting to yell at them and get back to bed. 

“What the - Charlie?” He looks exhausted, hair ruffled and eyes puffy. He’s in joggers, a random band tee and his denim jacket. You’re pretty sure his shoes are on the wrong feet. 

“Can I stay the night?” He doesn’t wait for your response before walking into your apartment, flinging his shoes and jacket off and walking to your room. You sigh, ignoring the way he just threw his stuff around and instead follow him to your room before he takes your side of the bed. You walk in just as he chucks his shirt off and woah. You were so not expecting that. An explanation as to why he’s here at midnight? Yeah. Him taking your side of the bed? Definitely. But not Charlie taking his shirt off and crawling onto the right side of the bed and curling around a pillow. You take a moment to collect yourself and your thoughts before crawling into bed next to him, making sure to drape the comforter over him as well. He hums in content and turns around to face you. 

“Sorry for barging in like this. Just, ugh, Owen and that girl are not quiet if you catch my drift.” And it’s like the rock in your heart is now a boulder and it’s crushing your ribcage. You can’t breathe. You can’t think. You’re frozen, staring at Charlie’s half asleep face. “Like I get it, you’ve missed each other. But c’mon bro I’m there too.” He keeps talking. Keeps pushing the boulder until all the ribs crack and puncture your lungs. “There’s somethings in this world I never wanted to hear, and Owen moaning was one of them.” He won’t shut up. Charlie shut up. You’re entire chest is fracturing, breaking at his words and he needs to shut. up.

“I didn’t really know where else to go, but I remembered how comfy your bed was last movie night so, here I am.” His voice is raspy, words slurring as he’s trying to fight sleep to explain to you why he’s here. But you can’t focus on him right now. Can’t think about a shirtless Charlie in your bed. There’s only one thing you can think about right now. 

Girlfriend. 

Shirtless. 

Girlfriend. 

Kissing. 

Girlfriend. 

“Thanks for letting me crash by the way. I’ll try not to kick you in my sleep.” He chuckles, then finally opens his eyes when you don’t laugh back. You don’t know how you look right now. You know you’re frozen. But is the panic and pure sadness showing on your face? It must be, because suddenly Charlie is wide awake and leaning up on his elbow to look at you fully. “Y/N are you okay?” He’s worried. You want to tell him you’re okay. It’s fine. Everything is fine. But you can’t move. You can’t talk. Because reality is crushing you. It’s ripping up your heart, suffocating you, consuming your mind. 

Owen isn’t yours. 

Owen will never be yours. 

You’re just a friend. 

You’re just his PA. 

That’s when the tears finally start. They come slowly, one trailing down your cheek, then another. Then all at once your sobbing into Charlie’s chest, no doubt getting snot all over him. But he doesn’t seem to care. He just starts to hum some random song while he repeatedly runs his hand over your hair, the other holding you close to him. He keeps humming, his chest vibrating and giving you something to focus on that isn’t your depressing thoughts. It’s almost soothing, the petting and the hug and the humming. 

You don’t know how long you sob into him, but when you stop, his humming stops too. He still holds you close, just lets go of your head so you can lean back a little and look up at him. He’s brows furrow in concern and he pouts at your post-crying face. 

“Are you okay? Am I really that bad of company?” He tries for funny but you can’t bring yourself to laugh with him. Just pout and push his semi-wet chest. “Seriously Y/N, i’ve never seen you like this. What’s wrong?” Those two words. 

What’s wrong?

What’s wrong? I fell for my boss and now he’s doing it with some girl and I can’t stop thinking about them and it’s killing me because before I could live with being his friend and PA because at least there was some sliver of a chance but now there’s nothing because he has someone and I have no one and I can’t breathe because oh my god I love him. I love that stupid fool and i’m nothing but his personal assistant. 

It’s quiet for a minute, too quiet, and that’s when you realize you said all that out loud. You look up at Charlie, which was a mistake because his face is full of pity. It’s all sad puppy eyes and “Shit Y/N i’m so sorry.” A fresh wave of tears make their way out of your eyes, but Charlie is quick to wipe them away. 

“Y/N I didn’t know I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t have said all of that, God I was so stupid.” And then it’s like a whole new flood gate opens, this one full of laughter though. You start with a chuckle, but soon it’s full out belly laughing. Because Charlie isn’t the stupid one here. “I’m the stupid one. I mean, how idiotic does a PA have to be to fall for the one they’re in charge of? Never mix work with pleasure. It’s PA-ing 101, don’t fall for your boss. I’m so fucking stupid to ever fall for him or think he’d like me back because i’m just his stupid PA who has no talent what so ever, never has a good hair day, can’t go a day without eating their weight in sugar, and will never see him again after filming is wrapped.” Your laughing dies down by the end, and then ends completely when you see the look on Charlie’s face. It’s not exactly pity, but it’s not exactly sadness either. It’s hard to describe what exactly it is, but it’s not good. 

“Y/N. Babes. I don’t ever want to hear you talk about yourself like that again, okay? I swear to God next time I hear anything like that come out of your mouth again, I’m hitting you with a pillow.” You giggle, but he stays serious. “Dead ass Y/N. Listen, was it probably not the smartest to fall for Owen? Yeah. But you didn’t know he had someone. I didn’t even know he had a girl and I’m his roommate. But, we can’t help who we like. It’s all brain chemistry and heart palpitations and whatever else. It’s something we can’t control. So don’t say you’re stupid because of something you can’t control.” 

“You’re being really smart and caring for twelve am.” You both chuckle, a real smile gracing your face for once in the past twelve hours. 

“I’m sorry for the breakdown it’s just, there’s a lot in my head right now and what you said really didn’t help.” Charlie sighs and pulls you in close. 

“I’m sorry babes. You should’ve slapped me or something.” 

“I probably would’ve had the breakdown at some point tonight anyway.” Charlie pulls back a bit to look at you, confusion on his face. “I kinda walked in on them making out earlier when Owen was late to hair and makeup.” 

“Is that why you crushed that brownie earlier?” You sigh and nod. 

“Y/N, i’m sorry. I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” 

“It’s fine Charlie. It’s, well, it’s not but, I’ll get over it. I’m a big girl. Besides, I have you to get my tears and snot all over right?” He groans while you giggle, but he isn’t really mad if the way he pulls you close and rests his face in your hair is any indication. 

“Always babes.” 

The next day you drive to set with Charlie who didn’t have to be on set at five like Owen, but joined you nonetheless. Taking his duty as your new ‘heartguard’ as he called it last night, you walk to hair and makeup with his arm around your shoulders. It’s comforting, even though he’s putting most of his weight on you because he’s exhausted, the coffee you gave him this morning clearly doing nothing to wake up. 

“Charlie, you could’ve stayed in bed until you were actually needed.” You laugh as he trips up the steps to the trailer, nearly face planting if it weren’t for you wrapping your arms around his waist last minute. 

“Char you good?” You hear BooBoo ask. Charlie grumbles something incoherent and shoves his face into your neck as you lean against the arm of the couch. BooBoo laughs, so do you, but quickly sober up when Owen walks in, Ashley on his arm. Charlie must have ESP or something because, without looking up at who walked in, he wraps his arms around your waist and murmurs in your ear, “Deep breaths. I’m here.” You do as he says, shooting Owen a friendly smile, but dropping it as he frowns at you. 

What is that about? 

“Glad to see you on time Owen. I wouldn’t have been able to break in this morning anyway because an octopus decided to break into my own apartment last night.” You ruffle Charlie’s hair as you say that and he grumbles some more, playfully biting your neck as well. “Ow. Asshole.” Owen frowns even deeper at that, while BooBoo chuckles. He get’s scolded a second later for moving. 

“So that’s where you disappeared to last night. I was wondering why you weren’t home this morning.” Owen’s voice is tight while he says it, Ashley noticing as well if the tightened grip on his arm is anything to go by. Charlie squeezes your waist as a way to say, ‘prepare yourself’ before he moves his head to lean against your shoulder so he can talk. 

“Yeah well, I wouldn’t have had to if you and your girl weren’t so freaking loud.” You tense up, mind starting to reel again, but a squeeze to your waist and a warm breath on your neck manages to bring you back. The trailer goes quiet, even the hair and makeup ladies tensing up and sensing the tension. Charlie, ever the wrong place, wrong time type of guy, grabs your hand and places it on his hair, then moves it back and forth. 

“Pet me.” Despite the tension in the room, you can’t help but giggle at the stupid Canadian boy wrapped around you. Apparently that’s all the rest of the people in the trailer needed to go back to what they were doing. That or they just didn’t want to get involved in young adult drama. You shoot a look at Owen, his jaw tense and hands clenched into fists. Completely ignoring the way Ashley leans up to kiss Owen’s neck, you open your phone and begin to read off his schedule for the day, your left hand still running through Charlie’s hair. 

“Hair and makeup at five AM, sit your butt down and let Shelly do her thing, costume fitting right after. First scene at six-thirty with BooBoo, you guys are doing the scene at the Orpheum where you talk about what’s been going on, you’re going to be sad so this whole frowny face you got going on? Keep it. A break after that then rehearsal with Charlie, Jer, and Mads for Stand Tall. Fitting for the Stand Tall suit is after that, but no actual filming for that scene yet, just getting the measures right so after that, you’re done for the day.” You take a deep breath after all that, BooBoo whistling at you from his seat. 

“You could be an auctioneer with how fast you talk.” You smile and bow your head at him.

“I’ll take that as a compliment Boo.” He shoots you a smile and then raises his hand to high five Owen as he sits next to him. Owen ignores him. In fact, he stays silent throughout all of getting his hair and makeup done. Only smiling occasionally when Ashley shows him a meme on her phone. You watch them, the boulder in your chest rolling around as you do so. But not for jealousy, no, for concern. Owen is acting very unlike himself. You may be upset right now, especially with him, but it doesn’t mean you still don’t see him as a friend; still don’t worry about him. Something is wrong, and you can’t help but feel like it’s your fault. 

“So did it work?” You jump in surprise at the voice behind you, the cookie in your hand crumbling and falling onto the table. 

“Charlie! What did I say about sneaking up on me?” You turn to look at the boy who is smiling too wide at you for you to think this is about to be a completely innocent conversation. 

“Did it work?” He’s practically vibrating where he stands.

“Did what work?” 

“The cuddling this morning? Didn’t you see Owen? He was totally jealous.” And - what? That’s why he was so touchy this morning? 

“I just thought you were tired, that was - you were trying to make Owen jealous? Charlie what the hell? He has a girlfriend!” Charlie rolls his eyes and loops his arm around yours, dragging you away from the cookies and towards the costume room. 

“Yeah, but we both know she shouldn’t be. And the way he was acting this morning? I think he’s starting to realize that too.” There’s no way...right? No, the way Charlie described last night...no. 

“No, okay, he was probably just tired and angry about having to be here so early.” Yeah, that’s it. He was not jealous of the friendly cuddling you and Charlie were doing. Totally...not. Holy shit. You hear Charlie giggling in your ear as you enter costume. 

There, in front of you, is a very shirtless, very toned, very pretty Owen Joyner.

“You’re welcome.” Then Charlie is off to God knows where. Leaving you alone with Owen. Well, not really alone since Soyon is here too, running around looking for different fabrics and textures to throw on Owen. A still very shirtless Owen. 

“Oh, hi Y/N. What are you doing here?” Owen asks, looking at you though the floor length mirror in front of him. He’s not smiling at you, but he’s not frowning either, so improvement from this morning. 

“Oh, um, just making sure you got here on time. And look at that. You did! Good job.” You clap, who knows why, but it makes Owen laugh, which, whew, okay. 

“Yeah, I reminded him.” A voice behind you says. You turn and look at Ashley walking in, coffee cup in hand. She bounces up to Owen, ignoring Soyon and placing a big, wet kiss onto his lips before moving to the couch off to the side. Owen seems shocked by the PDA, which makes sense, you know he’s not big on that, remembering one late night conversation you both had a few weeks ago. 

“Anyway, Y/N, how does this one looks. I think the ruffles are nice. And then when he’s performing Stand Tall we can,” and then she begins to unbutton the shirt all the way down to mid chest and okay, seriously Soyon, now you just want to torture me. 

“I like this.” Owen says, twirling in the mirror like a ballerina. This causes the shirt to fling open more, showing his chest more in the process.

Deep breaths. 

Be a friend. 

You’re a big girl. 

“Yeah. It’s good,” you say, walking over to him to tuck to the sides back together somewhat. “Are you going to keep with the pink theme for the jacket?” Soyon smiles and nods, walking away for a minute leaving you alone with Owen and Ashley. 

“Should it really be unbuttoned that much? I mean, it is a kids show? I don’t want to share my boy with fangirls.” Ashley says. You can’t stop your eyes from rolling or the scoff that leaves your mouth. You watch Owen’s Adam's apple bob as he gulps. 

“Please, Charlie is sleeveless for a majority of the show. Owen showing a little chest isn’t gonna hurt anyone. Besides, Soyon chose good. The way the shirt fits and settles it’s never going to open all the way. Unless, ya know, he twirls like some Carolynn Rowland wannabe.” You smile up at Owen and inhale sharply when you see he’s already looking down at you. “And with the jacket on it’ll stay put pretty well.” You’re still holding the shirt in your hands, looking at Owen’s face as you talk. For a second, it’s just you and him, looking at each other, smiling. Then Soyon comes back and clears her throat. The trance breaks and you back up. You wipe your sweaty hands on your jeans before backing up and standing next to the mirror. You feel eyes on you and look over to see Ashely glaring at you. 

“Here we go. One pink jacket to match.” Owen slides it on and smiles wide. You have to say, it looks good. Professionally speaking of course. 

“Soyon, have I ever said how freaking amazing you are. I mean, this is really good looking. Very Alex.” Owen praises. He’s smiling and it’s a nice sight after this mornings debacle. 

“Alex is going to be the best looking one on that stage.” Owen looks over at you, his smile still there, and the boulder shrinks three sizes. 

“Still think the shirt should be buttoned.” Ashley mutters. But everyone ignores her, even Owen, who does another twirl in front of the mirror. 

“Well then, you’re all set Owen. Go ahead and change and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Soyon leaves, going off to do costume designer things, leaving you alone with Owen and Ashley again. Owen takes the jacket off, then looks around not knowing what to do with it. You sigh and smile softly, taking it from him.

“Here, just give me all the clothes and i’ll take them back to your rack.” He smiles thankfully at you, before frowning again and looking down at his outfit. Getting what he’s thinking, you chuckle and cross your arms. “Bub I just saw you shirtless it’s not a big deal. Now c’mon, give me the clothes before Soyon thinks you’re stealing them.” Owen looks up at you in a way you’ve never seen him look at you before. It makes you take a sharp breath in.

“Maybe you should go. I can give the clothes to Soyon. Don’t you have assistant duties to do?” Ashley is right next to you as she says it. It makes your ears hurt and hands clench. You’re quick to unclench though, not wanting to wrinkle the nice pink jacket. Ashley moves forward to unbutton Owen’s shirt all the way, but he grabs her hand before she can begin. 

“Actually I need Y/N to stay. I have to talk to her about some, ya know, assistant stuff. And besides, she knows where Alex’s rack is and that’s where the clothes have to go. Why don’t you go wait for me in the trailer, I’ll be there in a few.” 

I need Y/N to stay. 

That shouldn’t make you feel as warm and tingly as it does. 

Ashley scoffs and looks away, clearly trying to guilt trip him. Owen sighs and kisses her cheek.  

“Trailer. Ten minutes.” Ashley sighs before nodding and finally leaving. He watches her go, then turns back to you when she finally disappears. You clear your throat and he looks back at you, face a bit red. 

“Um, hey.” You chuckle. 

“Hi.” He nods, and you sigh, walking so you’re right in front of him. “Seriously, O, you need to get this off because if they’re not on the rack for Soyon to fix up by the end of the day it’s my head on a stick, not yours.” Then you’re unbuttoning his shirt. 

You’re unbuttoning. His shirt. You don’t realize you’re doing it until you hand grazes his navel when you untuck it from his pants. You hear him suck in a breath and you immediately take two steps back. 

“Sorry, um. Sorry that was not, um, -” 

“It’s okay. You were just, doing your job. Making sure I get stuff done on time, right?” But his voice is wobbly as he says it and his face is as red as a tomato. You couldn’t have made him that flushed, not you? 

“Right. Yeah. Um, so, pants?” Owen looks at you with wide eyes. “I need to take the pants back too.” It’s quiet, but you know he heard you because he nods his head and begins to unbutton them. You suddenly feel very hot, very suffocated. You should’ve left when you had the chance, just let Ashley do this. You shouldn’t be here, watching as he pulls the velvet pants down his legs. Watching as he steps out of them and - oh God he’s falling. You grab his hand to help him but it’s too late, you both tumble to the ground. You’re on top of him, smushed up against his bare chest, faces centimeters apart, sharing breaths. 

“Sorry.” You mumble. You watch him gulp and look down. Down at wha - oh. 

“It’s, it’s okay. I’m the one that fell and pulled you down.” You nod, causing your nose to brush against his. You’re close, so freaking close that if you were to move not even a full centimeter, your lips would touch.

So. 

Close. 

“What. The. Hell!” SHit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

You’re quick to scramble away from Owen, butt scooting across the floor to get as far away from him as possible. Owen jumps up, kicking the pants away then realizing that was probably not a smart idea because now he’s half naked in between Ashley and you.  

“Ash I -” 

“You were taking forever, wanted to know why. Thought you said there was nothing between you two?” She’s practically screeching. You know within minutes there will be a crowd. A crowd Owen will not want, his anxiety will not want. Ignoring his stuttering and the conversation in general, you push away the heat in your belly and the tingling in your spine and take a deep breath. 

Deep breath. 

Be a friend. Do your job.

You grab Owen’s clothes and put them in his hands, ignoring his speaking and Ashley ranting, you grab his hand and then hers, and shove them towards the back exit. 

“This is a trailer conversation, not a wardrobe fitting conversation. Leave, now.” 

“No, I have a lot to say -” 

“Listen to me, I’m trying to do my job and not get Owen in trouble. If you really care about him, you’ll take this conversation to his trailer. Now.” Then you shove them out the door before Ashley could screech some more. 

Deep breath. 

Do your job. 

You go back to the fitting area, only to see Charlie, Jer, and Madi standing there, looking confused. 

Deep breath.

Do your job.

“Hey guys. Owen just left. He and Ashley are having a date night.” Charlie gives you a look, but Jer and Madi nod, going to accept it, but Charlie has to open his big dumb Canadian mouth. 

“Why’d we hear screaming then?” Charlie questions. Jer and Madi look at each other, then back at you. 

“Oh, uh, mouse. I saw a mouse. Yep. Mouse. Anyway, I have to get this clothes hung up before they wrinkle, so excuse me.” 

Deep breath. 

Do your job.

You walk around the trio, gathering the suit and shaking everything out as you walk over to the Alex rack to hang them up. You hear the door to the room open and two sets of feet walking out. 

“Charlie, everything is fine okay? Just a little misunderstanding.” 

“Like?” You sigh and turn around from finishing hanging up the clothes. 

“Like...Owen kinda fell and when I went to help him I feel too...on top of him.” There’s silence then, 

“OH MY GOD! Y/N THAT’S LIKE FANFIC SHIT THAT WAS THE MOMENT! DID YOU KISS OH MY GOD TELL ME EVERYTHING!” He’s jumping up and down as he makes his way to you. 

“Ashley walked in.” All excitement stops.

“Oh shit.” You nod, walking past him to settle on the couch, pulling a pillow to your chest. 

“Yeah. And she started screeching and I knew Owen wouldn’t like to attention so I shoved them out the back door to his trailer.” Charlie’s arm goes around you, pulling you close. He goes to say something, but your phone ringing indicating a text from Owen stops him. You pull it out, opening it as Charlie watches over your shoulder. 

My trailer plz. 

Charlie starts shaking your shoulders, smiling like a maniac. “This is your chance Y/N go go GO!” you shake your head at Charlie’s antics, but leave nonetheless. 

Anxiety creeps up on you as you get closer and closer to his trailers, not knowing what you’re going to walk into. Him firing you? Saying you can’t be friends anymore? Ashley ready to claw your face off? 

Deep breath.

Be a friend.

You knock on his door. It opens a second later to a frantic looking Owen. Now you're anxious about him. Why does he look upset? Is he okay? He grabs your hand and pulls you into his, oh, empty trailer. Ashley is nowhere to be seen. 

“Hey, thanks for coming.” You nod, still looking around expecting her to jump out and slap you. “Um, sit. Sit, I have to talk to you about something.” You go to sit on the couch, but then remember what occurred there yesterday and instead lean against the counter. He notices but doesn’t say anything. 

“Yeah okay. What’s up?” You try to act nonchalant, but the anxiety is too high for that. ‘I have to talk to you about something’ never ends well. He walks over and sits on the bed pats the spot next to him. God, this can’t be a good conversation if he really wants you to sit. 

“Ashley and I were never...on here.” He mumbles. You walk over and sit next to him, blushing that he caught on to why you didn’t sit on the couch. 

“Must be serious if you need me to sit.” Owen takes a deep breath, another, another, and then there’s lips on your. They’re soft and nice and taste like carmex chapstick. 

“Mhm, Owen, what, what are you doing?” Your faces are still close together, both of you not wanting to back away yet. 

“I’m gonna talk. Okay I’m gonna talk and I want you to listen and not crawl inside your head too soon okay?” You nod, knowing in this moment you’d do anything to keep him this close. 

“I knew Ashley from high school. She started texting me a few weeks back and one thing led to another and she was calling me her boyfriend. I didn’t want it but it happened and I let it because it got my mind off a girl I shouldn’t like because it would ruin so many things. I didn’t know she was coming to visit and when she knocked on my trailer she jumped me and just kept going. And I just went along with everything yesterday because I’m supposed to be her boyfriend and I’m supposed to think about those things with her and I’m supposed to want those things with her, but I don’t Y/N. I don’t want those things with her I never did. I, I want them with you. I’ve wanted them with you from the moment you finally stopped being shy around me and dragged me from crafts by my ear to hair and makeup. You’re so amazing Y/N and I thought if I did anything I’d ruin this and ruin your career and I didn’t want that. I never wanted that so I went along with Ashley but I shouldn’t have because the whole time I was thinking about you. It’s always been -” You kiss him. You grab him by the cheeks and kiss him. It’s a passionate kiss, an ‘about time’ kiss, an ‘i’m never letting you go’ kiss. 

You only break away when you can’t breathe, and even then you only pull away enough to breath in each other’s air. 

“She left. She’s gone. She knew I was never 100% in.” You nod, but you’re not really listening. You can’t hear anything other than your heartbeat. 

He likes you. 

Owen likes you.

Owen kissed you. 

“It’s always been you, Y/N.” You smile. It’s a big one that you have to hamper down by biting your lip. Owen smiles back, then you’re kissing again. 

And again. 

And again.

[eurydicees]

This popped into my brain at like 1:00 this morning and I haven’t been able to get it out, so here goes:

Aromantic Kagura Sohma. Yes, her entire character arc revolves around her supposed love for Kyo…but she admits in her confession that it started as deciding to love him and then stubbornly (or perhaps pig-headedly, ha!) pursuing that for years. That tenacity is an inherent part of her character, but that “pick a dude to be your crush” is, I think, a rather common experience among aros/aces (and lesbians, but that is a conversation for a different post). Throughout all those years and even after the conclusion of their “relationship,” she doesn’t seem to be remotely interested in pursuing anyone else. Even Momiji, who is in a similar situation but with Tohru, expresses an intention of finding a girlfriend! Then we consider her behavior while in pursuit of Kyo. It is all cartoonishly over-the-top. Even at the end, which is one of the few times we see her acting serious wrt Kyo, she’s still excessively insistent on their “date.” It’s easy to excuse this from a Doylist perspective - she’s not the main love interest in a shojo manga so she must either be ridiculous or a horrible person. From an in-universe perspective, though, we can actually see a really clear parallel with what Yuki is doing at the exact same time. She takes what she thinks she should be doing (possibly from consumed media, such as manga!) and applies that to her actual life, without any actual romantic attraction to guide her actions. This, coupled with her impulsive nature, leads to her extreme antics. As mentioned above, there’s also a complete lack of serious moments before the “breakup.” She’s consistently comic relief, and we never get any serious moments to establish her as a clear contender in the romance race. Yuki gets them, Momiji gets them, all the side characters get serious moments with their (potential) significant others, but not Kagura. Again, this could be debated with the Doylist/Watsonian perspective, but I am choosing to interpret it as lack of true romantic intent from either party in the Kagura/Kyo relationship. Finally, we have her reaction to the budding relationship between Tohru and Kyo. She’s nominally jealous, but still gets along quite well with Tohru (because Tohru is an angel, but I digress). Once the Feelings really start kicking in, probably somewhere around the time of the true form reveal, she realizes that while she may love him deeply, it is not the same kind of love as the True Love between Kyo/Tohru…and quickly steps back once she comes to this conclusion. Obviously, her feelings are strong (hence the outburst at the end of the confession) but my personal view is that is her coming to the conclusion that her love is not romantic, has never been, and will never be.

oh my god YEAH. dude. your 1am brain is literally just. wow. i have nothing to add, this is a brilliant breakdown of her character.

[memoriesofthecircularroom]

Good evening (or morning, I guess)

I have recently begun to suspect I am part of a system, and have begun research into dissociation more as it was a post about it, apparently, not being a universal experience of having a secondary voice in one's head that initially brought this to my attention. I do plan on brining up dissociation in general when I meet with the new therapist on Monday, but I'm hoping to maybe get a little insight on dissociation to be sure I'm understanding something's right.

Occasionally (here meaning multiple times a day on stressful days, perhaps once a day on non-stressful days) I find myself suddenly stopping in my tracks and needing a few seconds to remember what I was doing and needing to "reboot".

Other times I will go for an hour or more on "autopilot" and when I come off of it I half to give myself a run down of what all was just happening to remind myself of what is happening (I'll pause and name the tasks completed for example) before continuing or changing tasks.

In particular I've been researching OSDD1 because of the lack of blackout amnesia, and to me the above are just...how I live. It's not particularly distressing, it's just my life, it's how I have always lived as far as I recall and I'm having trouble knowing if those things are actually considered dissociative.

I've also read that feelings of "watching a movie" mean dissociation, but again...that's just how I live. There's always a degree of "watching" if I'm not autopiloting. There are times where I'll "come to" and realize I zone out and feel like I forgot I was supposed to be watching. But that feeling of just watching tends to sort of run like a background app in the back of my head.

Can these things really be considered dissociative if it's just how I live?

I'm sorry I'm asking so many questions, but it just feels weird to call all these things dissociative when it's just my life. But from what I've read, they all sort of are or at least related to dissociation.

Much thanks.

Hey anon! 1am here, so I’d classify this as “why the fuck are you still up” o’Clock. (Moon Hunters with my partner, if you were wondering.)

To me, it sounds like you answered your own question. “They all sort of are or at least related to dissociation.”

The thing you said most was “but this is just my life!” And here’s the thing - it’s just my life too. It’s just a lot of people’s lives. It being your experiences doesn’t make them any less real or dissociative. They’re still events happening. Yes, dissociation can be disorienting, but I’ve found that I’m used to it. If I’m alone, and I dissociate, it’s kind of meh. It only starts to effect me when I’m with someone I care about, and the dissociation stops me from doing something important.

For example, today my partner was distressed due to the audio not working in the car. I was in what I call the Zone Out Dissociation - I was staring at my phone and doing absolutely nothing. No thinking or anything. To some degree, all people do this, but for me, it was triggered by a post on tumblr making me recall a memory. Nothing bad, just enough to make me forget I exist for a bit. Because I was dissociated, however, I couldn’t help them immediately, and they shouted. Both of us felt bad after.

That’s why I’m glad you’re mentioning it to a therapist. Yes, it’s normal for you - but it can still cause problems, and it’s important to try our bests to circumvent those problems as much as possible.

I hope your therapist helps!

[bangtansbun]

Endgame || Feels Right

pairing: jeongguk x f. reader

genre: angst, a little fluff

word count: 3k

warnings: casual drinking, heavy make out sesh

a/n: thank you for waiting for this you guys!! I know i was meant to post this on thursday, but it was the end of my term and it was just overall a crazy week last week. I really don’t like giving you guys half assed written parts so i hope you didn’t mind the wait! also, listen to delicate but tswift with this chapter. unedited

Minnie was thirty minutes away from picking you up and you weren’t even dressed yet. What the hell were you supposed to wear to possibly see your ex/love of your life/childhood best friend?? You had to look good, you knew that, but you also didn’t want to look like you were trying too hard. You stand in front of your closet for a little while longer before you’re letting out a huff and pulling out a suede moto jacket. While inspecting the jacket, your phone goes off with a text from Jimin stating that he was now only twenty minutes away. Without anymore thinking – because if you thought any longer about it you’d be showing up to the bar in nothing but the jacket – you grab a slightly sheer white top, a blue lacy bralette to peek count from under it, ripped jeans, and some charcoal grey suede heeled boots. As you look at yourself in the mirror you realize that this is 100% the type of outfit that Jeongguk would love to see you in. Your mission in looking effortless had failed, but you did like the way you looked in your outfit, definitely gave you a boost of confidence before Jimin’s knocking on your door.

The ride to the first place of the night isn’t too long. The two of you decided to grab something to eat at a restaurant (along with a few drinks because you’d need the liquid courage later) so that you aren’t dancing and drinking on empty stomachs. It was also partially because you weren’t quite ready for the possibility of seeing Jeongguk again. You didn’t even really know if he would be there, but just the possibility of him being there again and Jimin without a doubt pushing you to go talk to him has your stomach in knots.

The two of you order your meals and a glass of wine to go with it, easy chit chat flowing as you wait for your food. “So, are you ready for tonight?” He asks with a wiggle of his eyebrows. “We don’t even know if he’ll be there, but the answer is no. Why would I ever be ready for something like this?” you ask incredulously. He lets out a sigh before answering you, “oh, come on. You really thought you’d never see him again? You guys grew up in the same town and had one of those fairytale kind of loves, which is fucking incredible.” He had a small point, but you felt like your love was anything but fairytale-like. It all burning down in the midst of one of the worst times of his life. You ignore his actual question, “it’s just a little scary, okay? I don’t really know him anymore.” He nods in understanding. Jimin may be brave and outspoken, but he’d never push you too far, understands what you’re going through.

Your food arrives and the two of you munch in comfortable silence. The lack of conversation isn’t because of the topic that was brought up, but purely because the food is just that good at this Italian estaurant. While you didn’t love talking about your past with Jeongguk, Jimin was your best friend and you guys told each other everything, nothing was a secret or off limits. Jimin takes the last bite of his three cheese tortellini, an mmm coming out of him before he wipes his mouth and looks you dead in the eyes, “alright, you ready?” Unfortunately for him, the answer was no and you begged him to take you guys to another bar before going to the one he’d most likely be at. You just weren’t ready to face the music yet (not really sure you’d ever be, but you could sure prolong it).

Jimin didn’t really mind too much though, you guys hadn’t been to this bar in a while and it was nice to have a change of scenery. You both swayed to the music rhythmically, taking swigs of your drinking every now and then. Jimin was the best person to go out with because even though he constantly had men and women hangin off of him or wanting to dance with him, he never left your side unless you were pushing him to do so. Dancing with you and making sure you were having a good time was always as much of a priority for him as it was for you. You would be content staying right here, just like this for the rest of the night.

“Come on, man. I don’t think she’s coming, it’s already 11pm and we’ve seen no sign of her,” Taehyung says in exhaustion. In his defense, he had had a long day at work and he wasn’t really helping with the fact that anytime Tae suggested to dance he turned it down. Not wanting to move from his spot angled perfectly to see the entrance in case he missed you. “You don’t know yn like I do, she could stay up all night long if she wanted to. Plus, weren’t you excited to see her friend again?” Taehyung nods along hesitantly, “yeah, but that was when I thought they would actually be here and so far, they’re not.” Jungkook gets it, Taehyung wants to support him, but he’s also worried about him getting his hopes up (and ultimately, hearty broken). Doesn’t want to see his friend acting so desperate. “Alright, I’ll stay a little bit longer, but if they’re not here in the next thirty minutes, I’m heading home. I’m beat from work and I gotta get some sleep.” Jungkook nods in understanding and, honestly, he might prefer if Tae leaves because then if yn does show up he doesn’t have to feel bad about leaving him to the wayside while he tries to win you back.

In an effort to try to make Taehyung’s night a little more enjoyable, Jeongguk heads over to the bar to grab them some drinks and then abandons his coveted seat to go dance with his friend. He actually finds that he has a good time, letting his mind wander to things other than you because if he was really being honest with himself, he was scared. Scared that you wouldn’t want him back, that you hated him and never wanted to see him again. He’d deserve it too, for how he ended things with you – or actually, how he didn’t properly end things with you. However, he’s not letting himself dwell on these things for too long while he moves to the best of the music.

Taehyung does end up leaving eventually, but not as soon as he said he would because he ended up having fun once Jeongguk got out of his head a little bit. He apologized for needing to dip out, but Jeongguk understood his friend’s need for sleep and the fact that it was probably unlikely at this point that yn would actually show up. Jeongguk decided that he’ll probably leave within the next hour too, doesn’t want to humiliate himself anymore than he has to.

Much to your dismay, you and Jimin are finally on the way to the bar that you were meant to be at all night. Jimin bribed you on the fact that it’s already almost midnight and the two of you had decided earlier that you wouldn’t stay out past 1am, so it’s not like you would be there that long. Plus, if he was there, he’s probably left already since it’s getting pretty late.

When you guys arrive you can feel yourself beginning to fill with nerves. Your stomach turning and twisting at the thought of having to go in. “Don’t worry, baby. No matter what happens, you still have me and we can leave at any moment,” Jimin offers to you, and God, he is the best friend you could ever ask for.

He knows you miss Guk so much, miss the love you two used to the share, but even more so, the friendship that ran so deep between the two of you. He just wants you to be happy with the man of your dreams and he knows the only way for that to be possible is to take this chance.

He holds your hand as you walk in, turning around with a smirk on his face, “you think he brought his hot friend with him?” This makes you laugh because Jimin is shameless and will 100% jump Taehyung if he’s here with Jeongguk. You feel lighter now.

Upon first glance, you don’t see him or Taehyung anywhere and you feel your shoulders relax – had been carrying the tension there for probably the last hour. The two of you make your way to find seats on a swanky blue velvet couch before Jimin heads his way over to the bar to grab drinks.

Unbeknownst to you, you had walked right past Jeongguk. He was seated at the bar by the entryway, his back to you as you passed by. He was preoccupied with paying out his tab and hadn’t notice you come in. Luckily for him though, a certain plump-lipped pretty boy is standing next to him ordering drinks for two just before he was about to head home for the night, and he recognizes him instantly.

Before saying anything, he quickly turns around to scan the room. He wants to see if you’re actually here before looking like a lunatic to your friend. It takes maybe 30 seconds before he spots you and his stomach does a flip. He turns back to your friend just as the bartender is handing him drinks and gently taps his shoulder, “hey, are you here with yn?” Jimin’s eyes go so wide and he almost drops the drinks from pure shock. “You’re him!! Guk right?” Jimin practically screams. Jeongguk can tell right away that he’s pretty drunk which means you might be too, but he’ll feel out the situation once he gets over to you. Before he can even reply, Jimin’s grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him over to you. He’s so proud of himself for finding Guk, but the look on your face has him questioning everything.

The second you lay eyes on him, all color goes from your face. It’s like seeing a ghost from your past and you don’t know what to do. Your heart is beating so fast you’re afraid he’ll actually be able to hear it over the raging bass.

He’s gorgeous.

Not that he ever wasn’t, but it’s been five years. You guys have both changed so much and you weren’t sure what adult Guk would look like, but he’s stunning and you’re nervous because there’s no way a guy like him doesn’t have a girlfriend. You feel stupid because his post probably wasn’t even for you. Or maybe he just wants to catch up and be friends, nothing more.

“Hey,” he says in his most gentle voice, afraid you’ll run off based on the expression on your face. You shake your head quickly and force a smile onto your face, “hi.” You both stand there for a minute just staring at each other, you have no idea what to say. Jimin’s the one to speak next, “Okayyy, well, I’m gonna go dance with that cutie over there. Come get me if you need me, yn.” And just in principle, he shoots Jeongguk a look as if to say do anything to her and I’ll murder you.

Jeongguk slowly sits down next to you, “h-how are you?” His cute stutter loosens you up a little bit, you know that he only stutters when he’s nervous and it’s good to know that he’s just as nervous as you are. “I’m doing okay. How have you been?” You pause for a moment before saying the next part, “it’s been such a long time.” A sullen look takes over Jeongguk’s face and it makes your heart clench. He realizes that you’re not quite as drunk as your friend so he decides to just go for it, “I know and I’m really sorry about that. I- I really wanted to say I’m sorry to you. I saw you in here last weekend and I only just saw you before you left, but I immediately wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have left things the way I did-” you’re quick to cut him off. “No, I mean, I get it. You don’t need to apologize.” But he’s shaking his head at you. “No, I do because I loved you and I shouldn’t have just disappeared on you. I really thought I couldn’t handle everything that was going on with me and be in a relationship, but it hurt more without you. I- I just didn’t know how to fix things and so I just let it go. But it hurt and I know I hurt you too.” He’s staring at you so intensely. Not that you would ever think Jeongguk would lie to you, but you can tell he really wants you to see how sorry he is about the situation. You keep hanging on to one word though, loved. Past tense.

You nod slowly at him, “yeah, it stung a little bit, but I just wanted you to do what you needed. I don’t have any hard feelings about it.” Your response is an understatement because it took you years to get over him, but now that he’s sitting right in front of you, seemingly as sweet as ever, you’re not so sure you really ever did. He gives you a small smile, but there’s still sadness behind it. “So, uh, who is-” he looks over in Jimin’s direction. He wants to feel out whether you’re seeing anyone or not, although, Jeongguk’s quite sure the guy you’re with is just your friend based on the way he dragged him over to you. “Oh! Um, that’s Jimin. I met him through work.” Something flickers in your eyes which as Jeongguk questioning his instincts, but it’s really just a fondness you have for your best friend. “Ah, I see, so you too are-” and you’re quick to correct him, “no, no, we’re just really good friends.” Relief, that’s the look that he gives you at his answer and it causes a swell of butterflies in your stomach. “Can I get you something to drink?” you give him a nod because Jimin had taken your drink with him on the dance floor, double fisting as he sways to the music.

The rest of the night is spent with the two of you catching up on the past five years. You realize that the two of you have changed a lot and are different in ways you wouldn’t have thought, but deep down you’re both the same two kids that fell in love with each other way back when. Jeongguk is still just as caring, considerate, and sweet as he always was. You also learn that he’s single which has you feeling things you didn’t think you’d feel tonight.

You’re both sitting close to each other now, getting tipsier and tipsier by the minute. He still makes you laugh and he still hasn’t gotten over how the sound of your laugh makes him melt. Especially considering he’s the one making you laugh. Your knees are touching and you can feel the warmth from his arm as he leans in to you to tell you something that halppened to him the other day. Your hold body seems to react to his closeness. His eyes still sparkle like they did when he was young and his mouth still forms that cute pout that you so desperately want to kiss. Before you know it, he catches you staring at him. “What?” he asks a little dumbly. His face is close to yours now and if you just leaned a little closer, he would get the hint, but you don’t move at all. Instead, he’s the one to make the first move, wrapping his arm around your waist, pulling you a bit closer until his lips are hovering over yours. Like he’s not sure if this is okay, but he wants to do it. And you want him to do it too. You give a slight nod to indicate that it’s okay and he immediately closes in.

The feeling you get when his lips are slotted against yours is almost indescribable. The best way to describe it is that it just feels right. Like you should have been doing this for the past five years. Like no time has passed between the two of you at all. Only difference is that now you can smell his cologne and his hair is longer, allowing you to gently tug of the ends of them while you explore each other’s mouths. He’s completely and totally drinking you in, he didn’t realize just how much he missed kissing you until this very moment and now he’s not sure he ever wants to stop. “I’ve missed you so much,” he says breathlessly in between kisses. You moan in response which he swallows down, he knows you must have missed him too. Your heart and your head are clouded with feelings and you’re so confused as to what all of this means, but you don’t let yourself dwell on it right now. You just want to enjoy how it feels to have your lips sliding against his, the swipe of his tongue against your own.

You’re not sure how long the two of you carry on like that, but you’re practically gasping for air when Jimin pulls you apart saying that he’s getting tired and wants to go home soon. A sorry on his lips at having to interrupt the two of you, but it was late and the two of you had already agreed on when you’d head home for the night. You clumsily get off of Jeongguk’s lap and give him and apologetic smile as you walk off with your best friend. The forethought to ask if his number is still the same not even a blip on your radar. He realizes this just a moment too late because you’re already out the door and getting into the car you and Jimin had arranged to pick you up at this time. He’s not too worried though, he’ll find a way to reach you again. He has to.

taglist: @ggukkieland @hecticwonderer @kookiepout @artistkoo @secretlycrazyhummingbird @imluckybitches @mybiasforsure @madaboutjeon @scentedsope @thequeen-kat @betysotelo18 @apollukee @nightapple4jk @peachthi @pimpnameyannie @xtrataerrestrial @somewhereinthestarss @xxminilah

[joyfulhopelox]

Right now i don’t know if i want to kiss you or shove you off this building

Part 1 | Part 2(end)

A/N: I have no words really, just i needed to get this off my chest and i wrote it so quickly that part 2 is probably going to be out by the end of the week.

genre: fluff (x100), University! au/ College!au

Copyrights @joyfulhopelox do NOT repost or reblog

Stealing is a crime please do not steal, i do not cross post anywhere else only Tumblr

Pairing: J-Hope x reader (College!AU/ University!AU)

Word count: 4,000 words

Warnings: i'm still bad at writing fluff but here we go (i cried a lot inside whilst writing it)

There are few times in someone’s life when they would have to rush out of the house in the middle of the night. Most times, it involved an emergency of some sorts.The usual A&E rush, the cravings rush and most important of them all, the all nighter in the library rush.

You have been debating for over an hour now if you should make a dash to the library. Your exhausted body screaming at you to just curl up into a ball and sleep- or cry, whichever came first. However your consciousness, and the fact that your anxiety was at an all time high, was telling you to just suck it up and go get your books from the library. That coupled with your approaching deadline. And to be honest you knew exactly what you would end up doing. After all, your grades could not afford to take a fall. Not worse than what they’ve dropped to now. Anymore and you would flunk the year completely.

But do you really need that book? Your brain tried it’s last card on you. You could technically just stay in, bury yourself in your blankets like the Michelin man, and write your essay that way. Sighing, you rubbed your tired eyes and got up grabbing your prized pen, the one that got you through your first and second year of exams, a couple of pieces of paper just in case, and your laptop. A trek to the library it is.

The spring air was doing a good job of waking you up. The light breeze, warm enough to not make you die of cold, but cold enough to cool down your tired flushed face. The 10 minutes it took to walk from your accommodation to the library was enough for you to steel yourself against an all nighter of studying.

What you had expected when you went in was anything but a packed library with students quietly studying. The noises of scratching pens and the rhythmic click-clacking of keyboards creating a mellow background noise. Some were dozing off, and you could not blame them, but holy hell could they not have done that at home? Okay, maybe you were judging, but could anyone blame you? You were desperate for a space and by the looks of the rows of heads between the shelves, there was a slim chance you would actually get a seat somewhere. If needed, you knew you could just crouch in between the shelves near the section that housed the maps, but you did not feel like inhaling dust and sporting a cramped leg for the rest of the night.

“Oh come on! This is a big library, there must be a seat somewhere” you whispered to yourself quietly, your eyes scanning the 3rd floor of the library. Aha! There. By the will of the gods, there was a seat, a lone corner at a table that was packed to the brim. You hastily made your way before anyone could spring out of nowhere and claim it, and slammed your butt down on the seat sighing in satisfaction. You’d made it. The first task done. Proud of yourself, you opened up your laptop and pulled the document you had been writing on. The bold letters at the top stating you NEEDED to get that specific book. A harsh reminder that the second task now would be even more difficult. Hunting for a book in this mammoth of a place. But what if you lost your spot? You needed your laptop to search for the book and to be honest you did not trust your laptop to not be stolen. You groaned to yourself, once again debating whether or not you needed the book

You finally decided that the book was non-negotiable and so you quickly grabbed your pen, with the promise to yourself that you would not get lost in the maze of shelves and interesting literature. Hastily writing a ‘will be back’ note, you slammed the pen down on top of the paper and rushed out of your seat.

The library atmosphere was quiet, despite the space being full of poor students who were rushing to meet a deadline or had exams coming up soon. Perusing the shelves, taking note of names that may interest you further on in your degree or even just as personal pleasure, you basked in the quietness and the dimness of the space. You loved the library at night, sure, but not when you were in a rush to finish a paper and not when exam and deadlines season pushed everyone and their mother to cram themselves in the space like sardines. Overall though, the space was dark and quiet just as you liked it.

Finally arriving at the area that was of interest to you, you stood in front of the row of shelves, a slow grin forming on your face. It was perfect, 4 rows of untouched literature. And you had all the time in the world.

Except...you didn’t. “Fuck” you cursed to yourself. You knew you did not have the time and you promised yourself you would not do this. Looking down at your watch, you let out another curse. “Fuck”. It had taken you half an hour to get here, the digital face of your watch showing 12.30am. “Oh man, I did it again” muttering to yourself, you turned your back towards the interesting titles that were calling your name and focused on the one book you actually needed.

Only to not find it on the shelf. Just your luck. “What am i supposed to do now?” dejectedly sighing you slowly made your way back to your seat. All you could think about was the missing book on the shelf.

How were you supposed to be finishing your paper now? Suddenly the quiet and calm atmosphere became gloomy and dark, this was not going very well for you. So lost in your thought you almost walked by your spot. Stopping right on time you looked to the side only to do a double take. It was not your spot anymore, the leather jacket as well as the mop of dark hair that could be seen occupying the seat was definitely not you. You double checked the area making sure you did not stray away again and somehow landed in the wrong spot but no. That was definitely the desk you had placed your note on.

It was just missing the note and seating another person now. Today was definitely not your day. The last thing you wanted to do at this time of the night, especially when you were in a hurry to finish and hand in your paper, was to be civil. But that was your seat. You refused to slouch in between the shelves and cram a seven thousand word paper tonight. You’ve done it enough times in the past for your bum and back to already be screaming at you in protest. Taking a deep breath in, you steeled yourself and approached the seat stealer.

The closer you got, the better the view of the seat stealer. Goddamn they were handsome. At least the side profile was something to enjoy looking at, but that did not change the fact that they had stolen your seat and were comfortably spread out onto the desk casually typing away at their laptop.

To top it all off, as if the scene was not enough to taunt your nerves, they were humming quietly to the beat that you could faintly hear coming from their headphones. And if you were to admit it to yourself, which you would not, they were very good at said humming.

“Uhm...excuse me” your voice cracked, having not been used for a couple of hours. You could not afford to seem meek in front of them, cute as hell and a great hummer be damned, they would not get the satisfaction of seeing you flustered. Truth be told, you hated confrontation. It was the last thing you resorted to under normal circumstances, let alone now when you were tired and stressed. Standing up straighter you tried again, “Excuse me!”

They made no move to acknowledge you or your shadow that cast now over the desk, as if you were both one and the same. Frustrated, you let out a huff and reached out to tap their shoulder. However, as if the fates had it out for you today, the humming seat stealer also came to life, moving his head towards your outstretched hand as they went to grab for their notebook and pen. That motion combined with yours caused a painful collision for the both of you. As it had not gotten a chance to change trajectory towards their shoulder, your unprepared hand bent awkwardly as it made contact with the side of the person’s head. A loud “oh fuck” chorused from the both of you, as both parties retracted as if burnt. Had you mentioned it was not your day?

“Is there a reason why I’m being assaulted at...1am on a Tuesday in the library?”. the seat stealer asked as he turned around to face you completely. He finally had a voice as well, and it was just as nice as the humming. Scrunching your nose in annoyance, you took a deep breath in prepared to tell him off. Not only was HE the one assaulting your hand but also your well deserved seat. Only to do the stereotypical double take. The mop of hair hid a very handsome face. High cheekbones and a pointed nose, your eyes trailed further down to his long neck and toned body. “Uh…” the stranger, seat stealer muttered, his hand going to scratch awkwardly at his long neck. Your brain agreed, “Uh…” you smartly copied snapping your eyes back at the face. You had clearly been caught staring judging by the smug smirk the person had on their face. Not only that but you had managed in a few minutes to smack a total stranger and display copious amounts of intelligence whilst trying your hand at a smart rebuttal to their question.

“So, now that I have your attention. Care to tell me why you are assaulting me at 1am on a Tuesday?” The tone of voice was less alarmed, more amused now. As if he clearly found your embarrassment entertaining.

“Assault? I have not assaulted you….you seat stealer!” You furiously exclaimed only to be interrupted by an equally stressed out fellow student“, Keep it down”. Only then did you become aware of the situation you are in. Three other rows of desks near the one you were currently at, and each of them seated a student who, like you, probably either had exams or deadlines. They were sleep deprived, hungry, and probably had too much caffeine running through their blood for their own good. And they were all focused on your form. To embarrass you further, the seat stealer even had the audacity to smugly smile and whisper “yeah, shhhhh.”

Getting redder by the minute, whether in mortification at being told off by the student a few rows away from you or from increasing anger at the seat stealer, you bent down, eyes narrowed “you….you...shush, and whilst you are at it, get out of my seat, you seat stealer”. You were unsure whether your shouted whisper would sound menacing enough to convey the mixture of emotions running through your veins at the moment. The stranger’s smug smile dropped instantly, a look of confusion replacing it, “seat stealer? What is that about?”

“You stole my seat!”

“I did not. The seat was free. If you passed by it, it was free and you didn’t sit down or leave your stuff on the chair; it doesn't automatically make it yours.” The stranger shrugged carefully, studying your expressions. What he saw must have really amused him because he started snickering to himself. Getting redder by the minute your rebuttal was weak, if only you’d have thought about it beforehand.

“I only have my laptop on me! And I left a note and my precious pen on the desk! A note which you have thrown out to steal my seat.” That is when it all went downhill. “you ‘strange seat stealer’!” the snickers coming from the handsome man got even more violent, to the point of you worrying about him choking- had you not been angry at him you would have asked if he was ok. Unfortunately, you were angry and nothing he did could have solved that.

The stranger abruptly stood up, so close to your face that you could see the numerous lashes that shadowed his dark eyes, amusement still plastered onto his face. He grabbed your elbow lightly, giving you a chance to break free if needed, but you were so stunned by his actions that all you could do was question how handsome his angular face was. “You’re cute, and that was a smart, if odd, alliteration you made there” He breathed, the action making a stray strand of hair blow away from your face, “but we’re making a scene”.

“Wh-” before you could process what he’d said, he trailed his hand from your elbow to your own hand and lightly gripped it with the intention of moving you away. The sudden jolt sprung your brain back to life and you tried fruitlessly to pull your hand away from his grip. Unfortunately, your brain decided to work a bit too late, as you were already past the rows of desks and shelves of books, closer to the lift lobby on that floor. “I am not making a scene, you are making a scene. Who are you to get me away from my seat not only once, but twice?!” Your feet firmly planted on the ground and finally got the stranger to stop. “I don’t know who you are” as he made a move to talk, you interrupted “and I don’t care, I saw that seat first, left a note on it to say I was going to be back and you stole it! I need the space!”

“Why?” The stranger calmly asked. His face showed no signs of anger or frustration, and it seemed like it belonged like that, serene and peaceful. And it made you wonder if anything could ever anger this man. Sure, you did not know him but you had been yelling in his face for the past minute. His demeanour and question threw you off so much so that your brain once again hiccuped.

“What do you mean why?”

“I mean why do you NEED the space, it’s clear that you do not have a bag or any belongings for that matter.” He gave you a once over to emphasize his words, his calm eyes lingering a bit too long on your form for your anger to continue overriding the flustered mess that you had become. “I- I do!” You don’t know why you needed to prove yourself to him, but it was a valid question he’d asked. So, you showed him the arm he was not holding, that carried a laptop. Realising he was still holding onto your hand, the sudden thought made you suddenly hot and clammy and before he could do anything about it you pulled it out of his warm hold.

Trying to ignore the loss of warmth the contact brought you, you looked away flustered.

“This cannot be happening. Look, I sat down there first, I put a note down because I needed to go find a book for my essay and….oh god...it’s due in like…..five hours”. Not looking at him the entire time you explained your situation to him, frustration and anxiety taking over your anger you missed the worried look he threw at your red face and the slight movement he made with his hands as if to grab your fretting ones. Instead when you looked back at him after a couple of moments of silence, what you saw was him studying the space behind you closely. “Hey! Are you even listening?” You got over your anger and tried to explain, (not that you needed to) somewhat logically to make this person understand why you needed the seat back and all they did was ignore you.

“Have you found the book that you needed?” He turned his attention back to you, a small smile forming onto his face. You did not know whether it was the fact that he completely ignored what you had said earlier, the untimely smile he gave you, or the fact that your heart sped up at the said smile, but your anger went through the roof once again.

“No! Now excuse me whilst I go reclaim my seat. If you want to waste time out here just staring at the walls, that is your issue, some of us have problems they need to fix.” Making a move to turn around you halted, realising you were going the wrong way. Mumbling to yourself you brushed past the guy and headed for the lifts. Calling the lift you tapped your foot impatiently. You could find another seat somewhere else, and if not, you were desperate enough to finish the paper that you would risk your own bottom and sit in between shelves. It felt like an eternity until the lift arrived and as soon as you got in you pressed the button for the floor above you thinking you may have some luck there. Surveying the corridor you noticed that the guy had left, and surprisingly a twinge of disappointment made you sigh. You just wanted to continue the argument, nothing else.

Right before the doors to the lift could close though a running form made its way to the lift sliding in between the door with swift grace, almost barreling into you. It took you a moment to realise it was the seat stealer with his bags packed up and his laptop in his hands. “What are you doing?” you hissed as you noticed he cancelled your floor and pressed the tower one instead. “Making up for stealing your seat”, he casually replied as he observed the numbers in the lift change.

“By not letting me go find another seat?” you huffed, “you could have just vacated the seat earlier and it would have all been fine.”

“But it wouldn’t have given me an excuse to talk to you for longer than three seconds would it? I’m Hoseok by the way.” He turned and smiled at you, the dimples in his cheeks becoming prominent. Rendered speechless by his forwardness, you did not know how to respond. So you settled onto clearing your throat and willing the blush that was taking over the apples of your cheeks away. Not meeting his eyes and refusing to grant him with the same grace and give him your name, you chose instead to ask where he was planning to take you. His response was just as cryptic as his previous one, “you will see”.

The rest of the way had been spent in silence, you having given up on trying to argue with the seat stealer...Hoseok. You repeated the name in your head multiple times, it suited him. For a brief second you wondered how it would sound if you said it out loud, but you squashed that thought away very quickly. You weren’t friends or even acquaintances so there was no reason for you to do so.

Whilst your brain was running a hundred miles an hour, throughout this time Hoseok took the time to observe you. Undeniably pretty, a smile made its way onto his face as he watched the different faces that you were pulling clearly lost deep in thought. You are cute. He knew that your argument couldn’t even be called as such. To his defense, the seat he had occupied had nothing on it. It was only when he ran back to gather his things and rush back to you that he noticed the note and the pen that were lying on the floor near the foot of the desk. In his haste he had grabbed both of them hoping that if his plan did not work he would have another excuse to approach you at some point. Now, those two items were weighing down in his pocket. Your name, which you had not freely given to him but it was written on the note, burnt into his mind. Maybe he did not need them after all. He would give you your pen back of course, but he would keep the note. It would be good memorabilia in the future.

The lift came to a halt and the doors opened .This time Hoseok did not even hesitate to grab your hand and lead you to your destination as he was afraid you would run away from him. Your heart thumping again at the gesture you let yourself be led by him too astonished to say anything. Who was this human being and why was he so friendly after you’d argued for the good part of an hour. Before you could panic about the time you had lost, Hoseok stopped abruptly.

‘We’re here’ he motioned with his free hand. The one that did not occupy yours.

Realising so you tried to inconspicuously free your hand from his, the astonishment at his behaviour quickly turned into amazement at the choice of space he was presenting you with. You were not a fan of the tower as heights were a bit of a stretch for you but the cosy alcove with window seats and the view of the night time sky it provided were enough to make you forget that. “Woah, how did you find this place?”’ You mumbled and quickly went to the window observing the lights of the city behind you. For how late it was, the scenery down below was surprisingly animated. Not getting a response you turned around thinking he had abandoned you there. What you were not expecting was the bashful look he was giving you whilst rubbing the back of his neck. “Uhm, by mistake really, I just happened to wander here one day and yeah...thought it was quiet enough and...well, I needed to make up for the fact that you did not have a seat in the end and you said you needed to finish your paper and…yeah’

Him reminding you of the paper that was now due in less than three hours made you jump in panic. Without thinking you threw your laptop onto the little table space that the alcove offered and sat down. Typing your password you opened the document you were working on. Whilst waiting for it to load you hesitated, bit your lip and looked up.

“Are you not going to sit down? I assume you also have work to do since you are here?” Without looking, you motioned to the seat directly across from you. This could end up being the best decision of your life or your worst... but you came to the conclusion you wouldn’t know unless you took a chance. Hearing him shift his feet and the feel of his knees close to yours as he sat down was enough to make you blush again. Here it goes, now or never.

‘I’m Y/N by the way’ you looked up in time to see him smile.

‘I know’

[wickedpact]

can you explain the story with noriko- I mean is this her first death...or? I don't quite get it

its funny, that one is def the most vague of them all, and the first time i read it i was like 'its 1am and my brain is incapable of analyzing media more complex than steven universe these days, im gonna need to give this one a minute' BUT I THINK I GOT IT re-reading it this morning. so heres my book report professor

it definitely wasnt her first death! noriko is at least. . ... . in the comics shes gotta be at least 2000 but probably way more. im p sure -off the top of my head- that she and andy met around 600AD and andy dreamed of her for at least centuries before that. and this story takes place in 1200AD so its not her first death

but anyways the entire thing seems to revolve around, like, who has the right to decide who lives and who dies

thats kind of explored through the Guy (i called him the shogun in my last post but i dont think he ended up a shogun, hes just a regular samurai, so ill call him the samurai from now on) trimming what looks like a bonsai tree. each little twig cut off could have grown into a 'beautiful blossom' but didnt, because he cut them off. this is directly compared to him killing people as a samurai with a big list of all those murdered people shown alongside bonsai twigs

what i didnt quite get is you see ded!noriko repeatedly among all the men he killed?

my assumption is the big list of dead people/twigs is supposed to represent both the people the samurai killed and the people noriko killed. she keeps being shown dead because she keeps being killed and reviving, but the people he(the samurai)/she(noriko) killed die once and never get back up again

which that list is then followed by the dialogue

which is obviously as a reference to noriko/the immortals. they havent died for a reason, god hasnt struck them down, so clearly theyre either doing something right or The Divine doesnt care what they do. this idea is actually mirrored in booker's story

yay for accidental booker-noriko parallels

anyways next you see noriko standing behind the samurai in the present day ('present day' meaning the time era the comic started in, where the samurai is an old man). thru admitting his tree is no longer "for me to tend, if it ever was" he basically tells noriko hes alright with dying. though he asks her, "but i wonder... who are you to make this choice?" reflecting that he, before, probably had no right to strike down all those people that he did-- his only permission to do so was that he was lucky enough not to get killed young, and the gods never intervened in his life.

noriko responds 'i am called noriko'. and then she kills him.

which.... for noriko, 'i am noriko' is enough of an excuse. she is immortal. she has not died yet. no greater power has stopped her, and, as a matter of fact, has allowed her to keep existing despite the natural order of things.

in noriko's mind, this is enough 'permission' to kill whoever she likes. which is something of a foreboding reference to her mindset in Force Multiplied, which (i havent read it) more or less seems to be that immortals are superior than mortals and shouldnt be serving them the way the squad does

i rlly like how the two stories seem to more or less touch on the same subject. 'god(s) havent intervened in our lives. what does that mean?' booker comes to the conclusion that the lack of divine intervention means theres no grand design (and yet his actions result in very specific later consequences for him and the squad). noriko decides that the lack of divine intervention means she is the grand design. she decides what happens to who, and when (and she ends up taking a very long, relaxing dip in the pool for her crimes. one could argue that her brief period of feralness post-ocean is an attempt to reclaim control over her life, when for so long she believed she was the control)

[draco-and-tom]

TW!!!-  Mentions of suicide attempt, Mentions of suicide note, Mentions of alcohol, Mentions of grooming, Mentions of sexual assault, Mentions of cheating, Mentions of early eating disorder signs. Please let me know If you catch any I didn’t say.

This is about Talia (@satans-little-devil) Okay, so it has come to my attention that I have been played long story short. It all started when she sent in this request. I love requests and was delighted to write for her. Talia would keep checking up on me and asking if I ate/drank etc. We started talking and becoming friends and after about 2 weeks she started getting flirty. I did not know her age at the time so I would flirt back. I'm a little flirty with all of my friends so I didn't see anything wrong with it. After about another week we got even more flirty and on a Friday of (I think) April we started dating. I called her 2 times while we were dating and both times she had an excuse for why she couldn't speak, only listen. On those calls I told her how alcohol and sexual abuse were triggers for me which will come into play later. We dated for 3 days till she told me that she wasn't comfortable with my age, so we were going to wait a bit. We continued to do the exact same things as we were doing before. We weren't supposed to talk romantically to anyone else, we weren't supposed to kiss, touch others, anything like that. After about a week of that is when the suicide attempt and letter posts happened. She had told me about how her parents were abusive and I even supposedly got her in trouble because of our messages. Her parents are homophobic and her sister read through them, then told their parents. I don't even know if I believe this anymore because I've had a gut feeling about this and some things didn't add up which I will get into later. That night I begged her to not do it and told her a whole bunch of things to get her to stop. I even messaged a random person I saw on her blog a couple of times (that I did not know) seeking help. She ended up telling me that I had convinced her and that her parents needed her for chores or something. At this point I'm blowing up her phone, because she hasn't answered me in a while and I'm starting to get worried. She answers me after a few more minutes and tells me that she’s okay and going for a drive. I tell her that's fine, but to be safe because the last time she told me that she got into her wreck. She told me that she would be and once again she stops answering completely. I blew up her phone a lot at this point because i was so scared that something had happened to her. I woke up around once every hour to check our messages and send new ones. I wake up around 3 or 4 in the morning and see that she messaged me back. I read it and she tells me about a post that her sister made for her talking about the attempt. I keep talking to her and she keeps saying sorry and so do I. After a couple of days all of her surgeries are done and she is resting in the hospital. That weekend I get random messages from her telling me things that I couldn't quite make out. She ended up telling me about a day later that she was in a Christian mental hospital and that the messages were her trying to get help. This is why she was saying things like “I'm fine they told me themselves”. She was talking about the nuns. I was pretty skeptical about this because I’ve been told by people I know that they take away electronics from patience there so I asked her how she still had her phone. She told me that she didn't and that they allowed her to have her school lap top. Me being me thought that it was odd, and decided to trust her because I thought that we were close. I’ve always been a trusting person and refused to act on all of the red flags that I saw. She told me that her parents forged her signature, but later she informed me that she found out her doctor signed her into the mental hospital/group home type place. After a while she seemed to be getting better and told me that she liked it better there because she didn't have to deal with her parents. A few days later she informs me about a friend named Blake. Apparently he was one of her friends that she had known since elementary school. She told me that they were really close and that they cuddled which I was uncomfortable with because I'm a very jealous/territorial person, but I let it slide because I felt that I was over reacting and she shouldn't have to change her friendship habits for me. The next day were talking and she tells me that they kiss in a “friend” kind of way. I don't know exactly what that means to her, but that was were I told her in made me upset. She told me that he was gay and that he had a fiancé that he loved dearly. A few moments later all of the sudden Blake is bisexual. She tells me to not worry about him and I brush it off. The next day I am informed that Blake’s boy friend cheated and they broke up. She started telling me about how He would get drunk and become violent and would tell her to hide the alcohol from him. I asked her how he got it in the first place since they were in a mental hospital after all. She basically told me that the nuns didn't care. One of the days he got drunk she told me that he sexually assaulted her. I told her that it was not okay and that she should cut him off. She said no because he was one of her best friends. I eventually convinced her to at least talk to him about it and they ended up crying. We ended up setting boundaries for them. After all of that cleared up she tells me about a friend named Jacob she had coming to visit. Before reading this part please note that I am a minor. I have no experience with sexual matters other than what I see and read, so I have no clue how communication during works. I'm obviously not innocent, considering I run a smut page, but I am not sexually active either. Talia would always push me into sexual things, but in the end I always gave my consent. We didn't do anything overly sexual, just texting. She would always tease me about doing sexual things with both of her friends even though she knew it bothered me. One time she did and told me that she did sexual things with him. I didn't believe her. Later in the day I told her to be nice and that I wasn't mad to which she responds with something like “you aren't mad about Jason?”. At this point I was a little confused and asked if they actually did anything and she ends up saying that they did. She basically blamed it on me and I ended up feeling bad for 2 reasons. 

1. I had just been cheated on for the first time

2. I felt like it was my fault.

she said that she was sorry, but I was being too mean and she wanted to be good for someone and that I should have known. By this point in our relationship I started developing eating issues. I would get so stressed out that if I even thought about eating I felt like I would throw up. I told her about it, but did not tell her what the cause of my eating problems were. After a couple of days I'm having a good time at the beach on vacation. She knew that I was on vacation and that I was trying to relax because of my recent problems having to do with her, and just life in general. About 2 nights ago she messages me and tells me that she kissed Jason again. I’m going to try not to show too much emotion in this because i don't want to trauma dump you guys, so ill say the rest as good as I can. I forgave her again. I told her that if it happened again that we were over and she agreed. everything went fine and yesterday was actually pretty smooth sailing. Me and her had nice talks. Her friend messaged me and she asked me to block her, and I did. The only thing that was bothering me at this time is that she started to stop talking to me earlier in the day. The schedule change was drastic. We used to message throughout from around 9am-1am, and it recently changed to around 12pm-8pm. Today I woke up, got ready to leave my hotel, and messaged her at about 7am. In the car I messaged her and told her that I might not be able to talk for awhile because i lost my charger. she ends up responding with “hiii” and that was the last message I got and will probably get from her, because when I got back home and checked my messages her whole account was de-activated. I unblock her friend and ask her if Talia is okay. her friend still hasn't answered, even though I don't think I want her to anymore. I saw a couple posts about her, but didn't believe them until i saw an ask from @sexy-for-cedric about @were-not-doing-get-help  ‘s post. If it wasn't for that I would probably still be on her side, but knowing that I was cheated on ATLEAST 3 times in a month by the same person sent me over the edge. I understand that what she did was horrible, but please don't tag me in any posts shunning her or saying dreadful things about her. I know that its wrong for me to, but I still love her and I hope you all understand that I hate myself for it, so please don't be rude to me. I was already nervous enough to post this. And if anyone tries to tell me how I feel trust me, I know how i felt about her. I have a locket with her picture in it that I cant wear anymore. I hope anyone that is going through what I am knows that my dms are always open and that this is not your fault.

And Talia if you are seeing this I'm sorry and I truly do love you, but the pain started to be too much as of today when I found out. I'm sorry, I hope you find your way in life. I hope you are okay.

People I think should read this: @sexy-for-cedric @were-not-doing-get-help @georgeswh0re @quindolyn @krasivayadarling @inureflower @just-the-best-devil @mrzweasley

[abbystanaccount]

I wrote a new TLOU fanfic I’m gonna post here because it’s a different pairing and it’s little pointless but whatever it’s kinda cute

Anyway it’s rated T, it’s a Leah POV one-shot with some Leah/Jordan in it plus appearances from members of the Salt Lake crew. It was kinda hard to write her as a pov versus a side character but I tried 🤪

they don’t get it

It was near 1AM and the party was winding down. Manny and Nick were still trying to beat one another in some card game in the other room, and Mel and Nora had just left because they had hospital shifts the next day. Abby had come with Owen and actually seemed to be having fun for once and done quite a few shots, but she must have been exhausted from all the intense training she’d been doing recently as she’d seemed to have fallen asleep on her boyfriend’s chest. Abby had been asleep for nearly fifteen minutes but he didn’t seem in a hurry to wake her, holding her on the couch as she peacefully slept.

They were so cute together, Leah thought. She’d always been rooting for them, but she knew Abby had her issues. Losing your dad would be hard on anyone, Leah had lost hers long ago. Then in that hospital massacre that brought the eight of them so close, she’d lost her uncle and many friends. At least she still had her mom, who managed to become an English teacher here at the WLF, she’d done some teaching before the outbreak. It’d been quite the change in lifestyle for all of them since they’d first arrived a year ago.

Leah’s boyfriend was outside, smoking a cigar with one of the guy friends he’d invited. It was supposed to be just an ex-Firefly party, but he’d decided last minute he was going to stick around come too, despite not being really in the group. Leah had hoped he would have decided against it, he sometimes made situations weird among them all.

She could hear him laugh from outside. Her boyfriend, Frank, was a Seattle native. He was a bit older than all of them in his mid twenties, and he worked as a mechanic for the WLF. Leah’s friends were polite around him, but she could tell none of them were that big of fans. Leah wasn’t completely sure why, he seemed a nice enough guy.

When they first started dating six months ago, Nora had joked he was a spy from Isaac and Mel had made a face.

“You guys are dating now?” Mel had asked her with raised brows.

“Yeah! He’s really sweet and helpful,” Leah had responded. Frank had come to her apartment the week before to fix the refrigerator in her apartment and they’d gotten to chatting.

“I don’t get why he works out so much and he’s not even a soldier,” mused Nora, taking a sip of her drink.

“The two aren’t mutually exclusive,” retorted Leah, feeling a bit deflated.

“Like you’re gonna do all that and not help out?” chided Nora. “We have to prove ourselves and our loyalty so much and guys like that get away with doing the bare minimum. Not to mention I’ve seen how he acts with his friend group and he’s a prick.”

“You can do better,” Mel added.

“At least I’m putting myself out there,” Leah had said somewhat bitterly. She’d seen Mel give Abby and Owen the stinkeye, she knew that she was jealous of them. Mel should be doing what she was doing and meet new people, but Leah wasn’t about to piss her off and say that.

Leah’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Frank slamming the door from outside open, coming in laughing with his friend. Abby jolted awake on the couch, and Owen gripped her arm to keep her from jumping up.

Maybe I need another drink, Leah thought. She sighed and went back to cleaning up the party, the guys in the other room seemed to be entertaining themselves enough, but she was sort of ready for this to be over and go to bed.

Looking up, Leah Owen and Abby approaching her, his arm around her waist. The girls had gone in with shots a few hours ago, but it’d mostly worn off for Leah and Abby had drank more after that.

“We’re gonna head out. You need any help cleaning up?” Owen asked her.

Abby looked like she needed a bed ASAP, her braid falling out in pieces and head leaning on his shoulder. “No, no I got it. You get her home.” Leah smiled to him. 

They were using her and Frank’s shared apartment. She’d only moved in a few weeks ago but it was hard to get used to. Frank wasn’t even there much, and when he was, he tended to leave her a mess to clean up. It was like she moved in to be his maid.

Owen and Abby left, and it seemed Frank had somewhere to be too. Her boyfriend came up to her across the counter, saying he and his friend were going to head to another one of his friend’s apartment to catch another party for an hour. Leah sighed but smiled at him, giving her boyfriend a kiss. Then when he’d left, her face dropped as she went back to wiping down the counters. Leah was all for being an optimist, and the peppy one, but this kinda sucked.

At that, she heard the door to the other room crack open. Luckily, it was just the person she’d wanted to see.

“Did Frankenstein leave?” asked her friend, Jordan. 

‘Frankenstein’ was Jordan’s not so nice name for Frank because of his name and somewhat wide forehead. It wasn’t a very nice nickname, Leah wasn’t sure why Jordan had it out for Frank.

“You shouldn’t call him that.” Leah scolded, putting the last of the dirty cups in the sink.

“Because he’ll get mad again? I’m not scared of him.” smirked Jordan, running a hand through his dark brown hair. He’d been growing it out, it used to be so short when they were Fireflies, as had he. The eight of them had all been teens or just about when they’d been Fireflies, Jordan grew half a foot in the time since they’d joined the WLF a year ago. Maybe it was the good food.

“We get it, you’re taller than him and you go out and kill Scars. Big whoop, me too.”

Jordan leaned his chair back, “Yeah, you are taller than him, you have to lean down a bit to kiss him.”

Leah smirked, “I’ve noticed, Jordan.” He was giving her that look again, with the knowing smile. 

They probably shouldn’t talk about Frank when he wasn’t here. Plus he couldn’t change his height, so that wouldn’t be a nice thing to make fun of. Frank wasn’t even that short, it’s just Leah was quite tall. 

She changed the subject. “So uh, Manny lent me some of his mangas the other day. They’re pretty interesting, I guess. It’s weird to read backwards.”

Jordan grinned at that. Leah knew he and Manny both liked that Japanese stuff. 

“You did, huh? Which one?”

“Fullmetal Alchemist.” 

His hazel eyes lit up and his mouth opened in shock. “That’s my favorite one.”

Leah ducked her head down and pretended to be cleaning something. Her face was hot, which was dumb because she didn’t need to feel embarrassed or anything. 

“I know it is.” 

Leah could just tell Jordan was grinning. “Well you said it was good!” She exclaimed.

“It is, it is, it’s great. We can talk about it later.”

“Sure.” She agreed. Though then her mouth skewed at a bad memory, and Leah tried to push it away.

“What’s up, Leah Beah?” Jordan asked softy, using his silly rhyming nickname for her that didn’t even make any sense.

Leah shook her head, “I don’t wanna say anything bad.” She looked at the remaining party leftovers she had to clean up and felt all motivation leave her. Maybe she’d do it later. Sighing, she grabbed an empty stool and sat across for Jordan.

“It’s just, I love hanging out with all you guys. You’re all my best friends and we all... we get each other, you know?”

“Yeah, for the most part, I guess,” said Jordan, scratching his chin. “No offense to like Mel and Owen and Abby all them, but sometimes I wonder what goes through their brains.”

Turmoil, jealousy, deep rooted issues from trauma… She thought. Leah was thankful she was able to push stuff like that down.

“I know Abby and all them can sometimes be a handful, but like, we get why. And only we would get why,” said Leah quietly. She didn’t like to think back to that day. At least her mom made it out alright, some of them had their families destroyed.

“Yeah, I can’t stand the fucking side eyes from the people are here,” growled Jordan. “Like what do they want me to say? That we’re all traumatized from seeing our friends and family slaughtered? That we lost everyone? That I lost everyone?” 

Jordan was getting upset, Leah could tell by his voice. He’d lash out at times and Manny or Owen would try to calm him down, with varying results. On the road to Seattle, Jordan had told Leah about what had happened to his family, that he’d lost everyone years ago but his older brother. Then when his older brother died in the hospital attack, and he was with a lot of the younger teens trying to hide, he’d felt so guilty he hadn’t helped.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Leah took his hand in hers. He was shaking a bit, but it stopped after a bit. She could feel the pulse of his vein through her thumb. 

“We don’t need to talk about that. Nothing can change what happened. We just have to focus on the positives we have in life, that’s what I do” 

Jordan rubbed his face with his other hand and took a deep breath. “You’re right, sorry. I don’t want to blow up on you for no reason.” His anger faded then and he melted a bit, looking meek. “You’re probably my favorite person, Leah.”

Leah looked him in the eyes and gave him a small smile back. Her instinct was to say to back, but she realized dully that wouldn’t be fair to Frank. Jordan was just her friend, even though she cared about him so much and was maybe the his closest person he had left.

She settled instead with, “I’m here for you, whenever you need me.”

[collectivefandomstuff]

Hey mom! I’m stressed at 1am, any advice? I’m having trouble in school via studying sometimes it feels like we’re going from 0 to 100. And I need better study habits, do you have any advice? Bc sometimes it feels like I’m so afraid of failure that if I do study to my full potential (sounds weird) I feel like I loose the excuse of saying oh I got a bad score bc I goofed off. Like if I actually do all my effort to study and do bad, then is there something wrong with me??

(A/N: this answer is so long I almost feel ashamed to post it. I’m very sorry everyone. Anyway, if you’re looking for the concrete tips they’re at the end :) )

Hey :)

This doesn’t sound weird at all because I’m the exact same way. This way of thinking is actually more common than you’d think, and is often a part of the cognitive profile of perfectionism (btw, perfectionism isn’t that apt a name but I digress. Also, this way of thinking doesn’t mean you’re a perfectionist.). Anyway, I know a bunch of people who’ve experienced this, and the common factor isn’t fear of failure, but rather what it is you think you’re failing at. For example, I once told my therapist that I was super stressed over a bunch of stuff and I also had a paper I had to get done, and he asked me what would happen if I didn’t turn it in on time and I was like “academically? nothing. mentally? I wouldn’t be me anymore.” And that’s the stitch.

The people I know who struggle with this are often (though not exclusively) girls, and often people who’re pretty smart. They spent their childhood being told over and over that they were gifted, intelligent, and good at school. And back then, that was easy to live up to. They danced through the first few years of school without any issue, and enjoyed it a lot. They did their homework, understood stuff, and were usually “good kids”.

Now, we’re always growing and re-shaping our sense of self, but the foundations are lain when we’re children. So, when people around you keep identifying you as a smart/good student, then we start identifying ourselves like that too. Especially if it is being reinforced by your actual achievements. And then, suddenly, getting good grades isn’t about doing well or working hard, it’s about identity. It’s about who you are at your core. Thus, the stakes become infinitely higher. If you fail at a math test that you really studied for, then that means that you don’t have what it takes, and that means you are no longer yourself- the intelligent kid who’s good at school. A test might not be that anxiety-inducing, but losing your whole sense of self is. So, in that case procastination makes a lot of sense, because as long as you don’t fail while doing your best then you never put your identity on the line.

(This also applies if failing at school has become synonymous with being a failure, i.e. if you’ve been taught that doing well academically is the only way to be a successful/useful person in society, or if academic success has merged with the idea of a happy future so it feels like failing autmatically leads to an unhappy life. Essentially, mental structures that lead to a misconception of the stakes involved in a single exam/paper/task.)

That said, I do have some more practical things to say here. First off, sometimes we’re in a situation where we can’t do our best and that’s okay. I’ve failed exams, tests, papers, you name it and I still have my degree in the end. It’s never the end all of things.

Now, my own biggest freak out like this came when I started uni. My first paper I went completely insane and procrastinated like crazy, and I failed. And then the though crept in “what if I can’t do this? What if this is it. I can’t handle higher education, even if I try my hardest?” The anxiety was... big bad and mad.

I should say for this next part that my therapist once told me that I have a strangely aggressive approach to handling anxiety. Moving on. I sat down and said to myself “what is worse, to try my hardest and fail or half-ass it and never be able to live the life I want?” Since the answer was pretty obvious, I got to it. I had about 5 weeks until the next exam, and I sat down and planned every single hour until then. I studied for that damn test like I’ve never studied before, and whenever I felt anxious I would tell it to FUCK OFF and focus on the task I had planned. I didn’t allow myself to think beyond that first planning session, I just did what was next on the agenda. What am I supposed to do right now? read these 10 pages? Ok.

I’ve had two exams during my studies where I failed (the second due to the situation I was in) and ended up in this spiral. And here’s the funny thing: I have a small number of courses in uni where I got a higher grade. They include 1) courses that I found extremly interesting and 2) those two courses.

Okay! I know this is already so fucking long but I want to give you some actual tips too. Number one is obviously to plan. Take a whole day, sit down and plan the next month. Consider all your assignments, when they’re due, what you need to do to study, how long that’ll take and when that is done most efficiently. Plan everything in your calendar. Give yourself enough time for each task that you can do it even if you’re not super super focused. Do not study outside these hours. When you’re done for the day you’re done for the day. This way, there’s a clear, reachable end to each study session and you don’t feel as compelled to postpone tasks. When you sit down to study, don’t worry about the other stuff you have to do, or other subjects that you haven’t done yet. They’re all in the plan, all you have to do is what is in front of you. As long as you keep doing that you’ll make it. (If the plan goes to shit for some reason, take a day to plan a make a new one. It happens).

Some things to consider:

Different subjects are best studied in different ways. I used to set aside 15-30 minutes every day in high school for Italian, where I’d sit down and read the chapter we were working on out loud. I didn’t even focus that hard, I just did it every day- the chapter and the glossary. I STILL remember some sentences from that book. Math is best done in longer stretches, but not too long. 1-2 hours preferably. Think about how YOU work. Do you best read a textbook in one go or in increments? Do you learn better in a coffee-shop or your room? Silence? Music? This can also change depending on your subject. Plan accordingly.

For reading, time your reading speed for the book. Read a page at normal speed and clock it, then multiply that by the pages you need to read to see how much time you’ll have to plan for. Round up to give yourself room for spacing out.

Plan for breaks. Think about your normal need for it, but the uni standard is 15 minutes for every 45, making an even hour. Find a break activity that’s has a specific end, for example making some more tea/coffee and snacks and doing some stretches, or maybe playing one race in mario kart. Avoid things that you can get stuck doing beyond the alotted break time.

Buffers. For every five hours or so, plan one hour of buffer time. This is time that you can use if something takes longer than expected. If you do everything as planned, this is surprise free time! :D If you have a long study session, plan 30 minute buffers every two or three hours to be used for extra breaks and to keep panic at bay. Buffers will save your life.

Make a chart with different tasks and have little boxes that you get to fill in with fun colours when you’re done. If you have to read 100 pages, do a bar with ten boxes, that way you can see your progress visually.

Plan for days/evenings that are free. Plan what you’re going to do those days, like “movie night with X”, “play videogames and eat cupcakes”, “take a long bath and read a good book”. That way, you use your free time well and can use those days and evenings as incentive.

Prioritize your work. If you have too much to do, make a list of what’s most to least important and focus on doing the important stuff first. This includes studying tasks. What’s more important, reading that text for the third time or really understanding integrals?

Drink lots of water and eat sugar. It’s brain food. I usually bake before an intense week. That way when I feel myself going down I can go get a cupcake instead of taking time to make something to eat, or worse- try to soldier through which never works.

I hope this helped a little at least :) Good Luck! I believe in you! 💙💜

[kayla-wolfe]

THE POST-PARTUM JOURNEY (part 1):

Well, hello there future mom. I hope all is going well with you and baby! I know that journey all too well and I know you’re about to bust! I’m going to tell you some things to help better prepare you for what’s about to come, things no one prepared me for, but first; here’s my journey.

On August 11th, we welcomed our sweet boy, Mason Raine Wolfe into the world at 8:03am. Oh, the story I’m about to tell you. The week following his birth I was diagnosed with COVID. At first, it started out as a sinus infection or so I thought. I got tested the Sunday before he was born and I was negative, within 24 hours I got retested and tested positive on that Monday. Finding out I had COVID at 37 weeks pregnant was more so scary than anything else. I didn’t know the outcome this virus would have on me but not only that, on my baby. That Tuesday I woke up feeling like complete death. I honestly thought, “How do people fight this? This is literally the worst I have ever felt in my entire life”. I text my OB asking about the infusion everyone was getting. I went in to the hospital on that Tuesday, August 10th at 1:00 to get the infusion. While there we found out I was preeclamptic. My doctor wasn’t sure if I had been preeclamptic or if COVID induced it. A few hours later he started my infusion along with induction.

Once induction was started I was progressing fairly quickly. If I remember correctly, I went from 1cm to 4cm in a max of 3 hours. Once I hit 4cm around 8pm I was offered my epidural. During the epidural process, which by the way, everyone freaks you out over the epidural. It’s really no biggie. It feels like a little bee sting, but keep in mind everyone’s pain tolerance is different. I was stuck for my epidural four times during that 45 minute process. My epidural was my best friend from 9pm to 1am. Around 1am on August 11th I started feeling my legs and every contraction. I kept pushing the epidural meds but nothing was stopping the pain. At this point I was begging for pain meds. I felt weak from having COVID and my epidural clearly wasn’t working. I couldn’t quit coughing, I couldn’t breathe or get comfortable. My nurse came in to check my IV pump and bumped my leg by accident. At that point I realized my legs were no longer numb. Well, my right leg was numb but left wasn’t. By 4am my epidural didn’t work at all. I had stopped progressing somewhere between 1am and 6am. I was stuck at 6 centimeters.

My OB came in and checked me and of course threatened a c-section. Everyone knew that wasn’t what I wanted. He gave me one hour to progress or I would be taken down for the section. Within that hour I went from 6cm to 8cm. Around 7am I went from 8cm to 9cm. At 9cm I wanted to start pushing, but during the process my nurses noticed I had an anterior lip, if you don’t know that is, basically part of my cervix was in the way of the baby and the baby couldn’t come through. Pushing during this can cause you to rupture your cervix. We waited another hour and at 8am, I was 10cm. After 3 rounds of pushing, our sweet boy made his arrival via natural birth at 8:03am weighing 7lbs 9.2oz’s.

With me having COVID, I didn’t get to do skin-to-skin with my baby. He was also in an incubator 6 feet away from me and I couldn’t hold him. My husband was able to hold him and see him, but I couldn’t. After labor I was put on Magnesium and back on Pitocin. While you’re on Magnesium you can not leave your bed. So for 24 hours my husband got to do all of the first. The first bottle feed, diaper change, bath, outfit changes, etc. I missed out on all of the pictures I wanted taken, and if you know me, as a photographer, that hurt me. I wanted those hospital family pictures that everyone else gets to do. I remember laying in the bed watching everyone move around the room, hearing Mason cry, waiting on my doctor to sew me up and I just started crying. My husband calmly asks, “what’s wrong?” and all I could say was, “This isn’t fair. This isn’t how things were suppose to happen. He doesn’t deserve this and neither do we.” Let me tell you, COVID sucks and it ruined the whole experience for us as new parents.

I remember crying during night one after he was born because I couldn’t do the things I needed to be doing as his mother. All I wanted was to hold my baby and just love him. I wouldn’t wish what we went through on my worst enemy. We had that special moment taken from us. We were alone, learning everything on our own, I had so many emotions, we were exhausted, no one could visit or help us. It was a very miserable and over whelming process.

To be continued...

[thekidultlife]

IT'S OUR 2ND ANNIVERSARY! 🎉🥳🥂

@Authors' Note: This is Leanne and Hyeri's story. Please bear with us as we try to reminisce over the past years and celebrate where we are now as writers, as friends, and most especially, as individuals who have grown a lot and changed a lot through the years.

Warnings: Contains a semi-reveal of what we actually look like in real life lol so if you’re interested, keep reading down lol.

We started this blog in 2017. We deactivated in 2018, just weeks before what was supposed to be our first anniversary. We stayed silent throughout the rest of 2018 and 2019, but we picked up where we left off this 2020. Despite the messy history of this blog, though, and the changes in our lives, we are extremely happy that we did come back. And the reason why we came back? Well, it’s pretty simple. 

The same love for SEVENTEEN, which made us start this blog, brought us back again.

We’re not lying when we tell you that this blog was what made us closer and what our friendship grow deeper. 

Back then, we were just classmates who found common interests in each other (history, writing novels, analyzing politics, and being one of the ‘Big 3′ in our class lol) but didn’t know how to bond over these interests. But when we both started sharing a room in a dormitory close to our university in 2017, things changed. And things changed because we both found SEVENTEEN. 

LEANNE: I wasn’t really a K-pop fan during that time. But I remember sitting beside Hyeri at our study area, watching her as she watched DWC and thinking to myself, “Maybe this could be it. Maybe this could be the ‘thing’ that we could bond over and could make our friendship grow. And so I leaned over and asked, “Oooh, which group is that?” What followed then was a night where I became a convert, and SVT became a part of me forever. 

After that night, we found ourselves always talking about them because they became the thread that made us close. And while bonding over SVT, we started to become more open about our lives and about ourselves in terms of personalities. We didn’t know why but we just clicked. Before we started becoming really close, we had different sets of friends. But then, we just knew that our friendship was different because we truly understand each other. 

HYERI: I wasn't a Kpop stan before either. Like if my high school me knew I'd become like this, she'll cringe in embarrassment. But it happened. A friend recommended me to watch React to the K because I'm a huge classical music nut, and I discovered Seventeen there. I seriously can't remember that exact moment when Leanne asked, but I do remember that one time when I showed her the dance practice for Aju Nice. It was one of the first things I showed to her, and then without knowing, we've already watched a lot of Seventeen videos. 

Whenever I look back at that time, I just remember how happy we were even though it wasn't really a good moment in our lives. There were a lot of stress and problems, and everything just seemed to spiral down from there. But I just feel a warm feeling in my chest whenever July and August comes, I smell the rain, and remember how many nights we spent binging on Seventeen, talking inside the nearby 7/11 until 1am, knowing that classes were cancelled the next day because of the weather. It was truly a magical moment for me because I never had a friend like Leanne, like sometimes we just have the same thought patterns, and we bonded over Seventeen so much. We would just talk endlessly about them, brainstorming ideas for fics and so on to the point that we only stopped because the 5AM alarm went off lmao Those times were just absolutely incredible.

LEANNE: We also have kind of the same goal back then: to have a platform where we could practice writing. Hyeri suggested that we try creating a blog for fanfiction. I agreed because I truly wanted to try and I was so obsessed with Choi Seungcheol back then. So we planned our first fics, who posts first, and we created it. Just like that. On August 12, 2017, we made our first post.

Our first name was “diabolically-diamondiferous”. We wanted something different (and we now admit that we did go overboard with the bing different thing lol) and so we agreed that this would be our URL. We chose it because of the concept that there is a duality in this blog that readers should look forward to, a dynamic that they would only see here, I guess? That was the goal. That was how it all started. 

HYERI: I was a Wonwoo stan back then. I had already written Love is A Fallacy and a bit of 30 Nights before we even created the blog, and I wanted an avenue where I can post it. I admit I myself can't think of a better url than "diabolically-diamondiferous", so I just went with it. 

Honestly, the blog has helped me a lot with writing. I used to write anime fanfictions and original stories, and I've already established my style back then. This blog has really helped me a lot with refining my writing style and experimenting with new ideas and ways to tell a story, as well as being able to write quickly. I do think I've improved with my dialogues and the way I pace my stories, and make them feel organic. And with that, I've never realized I've already written a lot, until I arranged the masterlist recently.

What began with a few stories turned into hundreds as we started pouring our hearts into this blog. And we would be lying if we told you that it was pressure-free. 

LEANNE: During this time, my responsibilities at uni, family and other personal matters made me unable to focus on the blog a lot. I really feel sorry for Hyeri during this time because she was the one who was more consistent with posting her stories. I joke every now and then these days whenever she couldn’t write that it’s okay, you once had too much weight and now I’ll carry my share and more, too, if it gets hard for you. Even though I was busy with other things, however, Hyeri really pulled through and made this blog come alive. And as a friend, she really helped me get through my darkest moments. This blog, too, became my crutch. Whenever my heart got broken, I would write here. I would try to find my voice (and at that time, I couldn’t find myself, either. Just ask Hyeri why, lol.) in writing. I was experimenting what voice I had while writing and what genre fits me. 

HYERI: Following Leanne's, I guess after our trip to Korea, things became way harder. I had a lot of low points back then as well: losing my scholarship and just so much responsibility in life and at school. I did carry much of the weight of the blog after that semester, and I'm surprised how I managed to do that. I kept on badgering Leanne to finish some requests, but she really had a lot going on as well. Not to mention our plans to join an exchange program to Korea which was another hell we signed up for. It was extra difficult because our department doesn't want us to leave, thinking we're just running away from the strict (and often unfair) professors (ironic when our major is International Relations).Seventeen and this blog was the only way we could bond together and have fun and just forget about everything. I could remember sending each other fake messages from Seventeen just to cheer the other up when things get depressing, or imagining what it would feel like to be an idol and whatnot. It sounds silly now, but that was the only way we could cope with how intense and exhausting our lives were. It was the only thing that kept the constant dread in our nerves from taking over.

What began as an experimental way to boost creativity became something like a career, and steering our motivation, was of course, the boys. Our boys. The amazing people that we write about and that we imagine about. They made us happy during the times when there was nothing to be happy about. They made us take risks that brought out the braveness we didn’t know we had in us, and they made us feel hopeful about the future. 

However, we hit a hurdle we couldn’t bring ourselves back from hurdle after hurdle during our second semester as juniors in college.  

LEANNE: Second semester of junior year in college was really hard for me. The bottom line of it all was the manipulative relationship that I was in with my s/o back then, but a lot of things piled up as well: school responsibilities (I was handling three classes at one point as a professor’s assistant and then ran for a student government position I didn’t really want but felt obliged to). All the while this was happening, I was really feeling myself slip away. I was suffering from depression but I had a lot of things going on around me that I could not just drop because people were depending on me. The only way I thought I would be able to not give up is by going somewhere else to finish my studies. Yes, the environment got that toxic. I really needed to get away. Around this time, I wasn’t active on the blog anymore. Right after elections, I lost my motivation to do anything. I would sometimes pitch in to help Hyeri with some requests, but it took way more effort than I thought it would. 

Hyeri and I decided that we needed to take the risk of applying for the South Korean exchange program, which was one of the best that our uni had to offer. We figured that since our grades were okay, it would be easy. Boy were we wrong.

HYERI: The Coldest Human, The Warmest Robot was the last fic I've posted in the blog before the hiatus. I couldn't do it anymore. There were so many problems and issues with the exchange program that I could no longer handle the blog alone. Leanne had withdrawn too, considering how she has her own things to face as well. It was a really difficult time. After being rejected a visa, I just can't think of writing, or even Seventeen anymore. Just their presence seemed to only remind me that I had been rejected after months and months of preparation. Their songs only reminded me of our disappointments. It was awful and I knew I can't face them at that time. I found myself in Taiwan. Alone. Leanne had stayed and it was depressing. I had to move on despite that, but it felt like an empty success.

We planned to become a part of an exchange program in South Korea, but it didn’t pull through at the last minute. We had staked all our bets, and we lost motivation in a lot of things. One of those things was this blog. We just knew that we had to let it go during 2018, because it was impossible to maintain it when you don’t feel inspired about life anymore. 

HYERI: The Coldest Human, The Warmest Robot was the last fic I've posted in the blog before the hiatus. I couldn't do it anymore. There were so many problems and issues with the exchange program that I could no longer handle the blog alone. Leanne had withdrawn too, considering how she has her own things to face as well. It was a really difficult time. After being rejected a visa, I just can't think of writing, or even Seventeen anymore. Just their presence seemed to only remind me that I had been rejected after months and months of preparation. Their songs only reminded me of our disappointments. It was awful and I knew I can't face them at that time. I found myself in Taiwan. Alone. Leanne had stayed and it was depressing. I had to move on despite that, but it felt like an empty success. Right after going back home for winter vacation, I remember I was angry crying because I knew Leanne can't do anything because of her circumstances, even if she wanted to go to Taiwan so much.

LEANNE: I was miserable during first semester as a senior because everything did not go as planned. I was really losing the resolve to keep going on because nothing had gone the way I had planned it to be. I think the only silver lining during 2018 was that my parents and friends finally stepped in to protect me from the person who had been harming me emotionally and therefore affecting my self-esteem and resolve. We also went to Macau, where I really healed a lot as well while teaching music with close friends from church. But beyond that, I could see no other way to get through the last semester except to follow Hyeri and go to Taiwan. It wasn’t just her friendship that I was missing; it was also about that goal I had in my mind: to find peace and quiet away from everything that had hurt me and drained me.

We didn’t have any high hopes about what lay ahead, but the biggest plot twist came.

LEANNE: By some miracle, I managed to convince my parents that I was well enough to go to Taiwan and that I would be safer there. It all happened so fast. February I was still crying, standing at the train tracks, telling our other friend that I wanted to just end it. But then March came and my visa got approved on a Friday. Three days later, just packing whatever I had with me in my apartment, I left for Taiwan.

It was a miracle Hyeri and I still talk about a lot. We started to heal from everything that we had gone through. We started to re-explore our friendship and in the end, after so much drama and after so much challenges, we finally concluded that this friendship of ours was really something that we wanted to keep forever. We grew a lot through the years.

HYERI: Who would've thought that with a lot of begging and pleading and praying, Leanne was finally able to go to Taiwan. I was so happy. It was one of the happiest memories of my life so far. Being in Taiwan, away from the world, from the responsibilities back at home, it was such a liberating time.It was also the exact period which we started to heal from past disappointments. Seventeen no longer gave me the pain I used to feel, and to this day, You Made My Day---the album which was released before everything happened, and reminded me a lot of what had transpired---is one of my favourite Seventeen albums.

But here we are now, in 2020. It was really because of Hit the Road that we decided to come back. We agreed to start writing again come June 2020. We started doing what we loved again. 

HYERI: We had fully healed from everything and we're fully ready to come back to writing about our precious boys! I am so happy to be able to finally celebrate the actual anniversary for this blog!

LEANNE: And now, here we are, celebrating our anniversary! The first one we really had! This is all impromptu editing but we really wanted to make it special. 

Highlights Throughout the Years:

💎 Love is A Fallacy (Lawyer!Wonwoo)

The first ever fic I've written for SVT. I remember I wrote this while I was at the dorm on my bed, it was a miraculously stress-free night. The song I kept on playing was "20" and I could imagine it being the OST if this was a kdrama 😂 This was at a time when Wonwoo was still my bias.

💎Adagio Cantabile (College Student!Jihoon)

A fic I first wrote after Jihoon became my bias. I could still remember, I was so inspired by a fic titled Customer Satisfaction, that I wrote this one. Plus I'm really into Classical Music, that I could just write one whole fic about it. I'm still amazed how we were able to write fanfiction even though we were swamped with school work, and I mean, SWAMPED, like a lot of exams, graded recitation, things to memorize, super long essays, but we still managed to write. 😂

💎Saffron (Victorian AU DK)

This was written shortly after Leanne and I went back from Korea. I was so blissfully happy back then. I think I've spent a night or two writing this. This was heavily inspired by the game "Chocolatier" which I was playing days before I've started writing 😂 I really love writing for DK, he's such a positively innocent character who was so endearing.

💎The Coldest Human; Warmest Robot (Android!Jihoon)

This was probably the last one shot I've posted before the hiatus in 2018. I remember finishing it in my hometown when we went there for summer vacation. It was a really bad time ngl I lost my scholarship and was supposed to go to an exchange program to South Korea with Leanne. Back I didn't know if I could support that dream financially.

💎The Most Convenient Escape (Soulmate!Jihoon)

This was the first fic I've written after the hiatus. Truthfully, over 2018-2019, I lost my love for SVT. It was painful to be reminded of the fact that we weren't able to go to Korea, so I avoided them while I was in Taiwan. But I came back around this year and started to write this one. It's heavily inspired by the book "Voices of the Past" which is a compilation of American newspaper articles over the years, and anime reviews which talked about Deconstructing a genre (i.e., Madoka Magica and Evangelion). Right now I really do want to finish this series.

Highlights Throughout the Years

💎The Return of Superman Series

My first work, TROS Seungcheol, was the first fic in the entire blog that I was truly proud of. All my other works were too rushed, too experimental for my own taste even, and just doesn’t look like what I, Leanne, if you personally know me, would write about. I strongly believe that there is a unique voice in each story, a voice that belongs only to its writer, and back then, I was still trying to find that voice. The Return of Superman was my breakthrough in writing. I suddenly found an AU that I truly loved to write about, and, most importantly, my voice in writing.

💎After-Party, Only Us, and Afterglow | Yoon Jeonghan

This is the spin-off series that came from Yoon Jeonghan’s The Return of Superman. I started to become more comfortable in my style of writing as I wrote these. You will notice a change of style after the first part, “After-Party”. My writing style has matured, and I really congratulate myself a lot for that. It took me years and tons of experiences to get that flavor I had always wanted in my works! Haha. 

💎The And Series

This is another one of those imagines that really brought out the hopeless romantic inside me, and for that, I am proud of it. It’s still mostly in the works, but I  am really happy about how it’s turning out.

💎Through the Seasons Series

Ah, this is my pet project. All my heart is poured into this one. This is the first series that I truly explored the beauty of love in realistic settings. My writing process here is done by looking at real couples LOL and also tapping into beautiful memories of mine about love and about life and all the drama that comes along. I’m really glad that a lot of our new readers liked the first one that came out!

Our story-time ends here. 

All in all, we just want to say thank you. Thank you for everything. For being with us through this crazy ride of a blog, truly, sincerely, thank you. From our followers since the beginning, to the new ones that we are finding joy in communicating with now, thank you. From the bottom of our hearts!

LET’S MAKE MORE MEMORIES TOGETHER!

- Leanne and Hyeri.