#i wasnt expecting this to get this much engagement lol

[penbattles]

For the artist ask 😈: 2, 6, 9, 19 & 30

2: Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

I think this honestly depends on the character for me. If I'm used to drawing a specific character in a certain position, just out of habit, it gets harder to draw them in other ways. I will say, though, 3/4 back view is the worst, no matter which direction.

6: Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

Hmm... this is a toughie. I think that I'm really inspired by a lot of other artists, especially when I'm drawing in fandom spaces. Some of the artists in the TAZ fandom who I take inspiration from are @herbgerblin, @foxaes, and @acadieum. I also ADORE @zandraart's use of color

9: What are your file name conventions

Already answered!

19: Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

Already answered!

30: What piece of yours do you think is underrated

Also already answered, but I'll throw a couple more on there for you :)

[asummersday]

It was really nice to read Hollow Mind after you mentioned it in an ask I think, Id love to know about 3, 23 and 27 and if possible (it wasnt exactly in the suggestions I think) what fandoms do you write for and whether you write original work too? I really love your writing style!! In ataimw you capture Raph‘s and Leo‘s arguments so well, it seems so natural as in this is what would for real happen in that situation and that makes reading it a whole lot more fun and engaging

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Hm. All the ashes in my wake, definitely! It's been a whole lot of fun writing it and it's also been pretty surprising! I wasn't expecting to have so many ideas or explore Leo's relationships with his family (and Casey) in detail, I was really expecting to mostly only focus on his and Raph’s. I set the fic after season 2 because to me that would be the best time to set a fic where Leo gets cursed and no one realizing for a while (because they just moved and because so many things happened all at once and they'd definitely take some time to adjust. Also because I didn't see enough fics focusing on how it must’ve felt like to literally have your entirely home destroyed to the point where there's probably very little they could've salvaged :(( like idk they probably spent most of their lives in that lair! It would've definitely been a bad emotional hit)

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

I did one! It was a round robin I did with some friends on discord. It was actually my very first time doing a round robin!

27. What do you listen to while writing?

I have a playlist of musical scores and classical music I like to listen to when I write (because I need constant background noise but if it has words its gonna distract me). When I edit i usually put on any playlist, sometimes my fic playlist.

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for the fandom question, I've written for several fandoms, but my current ones are rottmnt and dc! I do write original fiction but I haven’t published anything yet. I mostly have the world and the ocs, its the plot that's a little harder to figure out lol.

I'm so glad you like my style! <33 and im also really happy to hear you like raph and Leo's arguments!! They've been really fun and interesting to write and I've been greatly enjoying exploring their relationship in this fic.

I've been partially drawing inspiration from my own arguments with my sisters (having siblings is so fun because you'll have the worst argument you've ever had and like two hours later you're sending each other memes like nothing ever happened and that's basically the entire apology)

Anyway this ask got super long, I'm sorry. I love talking about ataimw (there's your assurance that I'm never abandoning it, I'm literally mentally insane about it lol)

But thank you so much for the ask!!! 💕

[allylikethecat]

ally!!!! you are so very mean to our poor fictional!matty i believe that u actually enjoy making him suffer

i am not kidding i’m on my period rn and i had to wait to read the update bc i saw how sad everyone was saying it was & i had to wait for all the crazy hormones to stop making me so sad so it wasnt gonna make me cry 💀 this chapter was so so sad and every time you update this fic i love it more and more!

whilst i do not appreciate fictional!george’s reaction (i understand he is overwhelmed & upset ofc but HELLO look @ how pathetic fictional!matty is rn he needs a HUG) i do understand that this was a very big shock and he needs some time to digest (but also hopefully not too much time)… also im just super excited that he KNOWS now lol i fear its only gonna get more intense for fictional!matty

also on the subject of ATKH - THEY’RE SO CUTE AND HAPPY PLS DONT LET FICTIONAL!GEORGE SCREW STUFF UP TOO MUCH … i have realised that rn ATKH is kinda ur only fic where fictional!matty isn’t currently in like the peak of his misery ..yet.

hope you’re doing well !!! 🤍

— 💌💌

Hello My Dear 💌 Anon!

I will admit that I *do* enjoy making poor Fictional!Matty suffer - it makes his happy ending that much sweeter!

Ahhh I'm sorry for hitting you with a sad chapter when the hormones are ~hormone-ing~ I really hope I didn't make you cry! And if I did I am so sorry! BUT I am very happy to hear that despite the sadness you're still enjoying it! I've been having a lot of fun working on it, especially now that I have some direction again!

That was very much *NOT* what Fictional!George was expecting to find out - he was already worrying about Fictional!Matty's delicate sobriety and apparent health issues and then to find out that he is pregnant, when Fictional!George already felt like he took advantage of Fictional!Matty during that encounter?! The guilt is very real and so is the self doubt - a lot of him lashing out at Fictional!Matty was him projecting his own self doubt and panic onto Fictional!Matty- too bad Fictional!Matty doesn't know that and also that is extremely unfair of him... but at least he KNOWS now! Fictional!Matty's secret is out in the open now! He just now needs to figure out how to tell his Mother...

Hey Infection Verse Matty isn't *that* miserable at the moment! Like yes, when we left him in the Christmas Fic he did have a stomach ulcer BUT he had just gotten engaged which was very exciting! All The King's Horses Fictional!Matty and Fictional!George are very cute and happy at the moment though. Hopefully Friday's chapter will make up for how sad the Ducklings update was. ATKH is currently my FAVORITE fic that I'm working on and I can't wait for y'all to see how their story continues to unfold! (There is a very special cameo in Friday's chapter as well that you'll recognize if you follow me here on Tumblr lol)

Thank you so much for reading and for the continued support! I'm sorry to have caused emotional pain with the Ducklings update but hopefully the ATKH update will make up for it! I hope you had a wonderful Wednesday and that you have a great rest of the week!

❤️Ally

[sampsonstorm-critical]

Valorian Goisha, "my stolas" (he is nothing like the Og Stolas) He is the Prince of Pride, son of Lavoriss the Kng/ Overlord of Pride. He has heavy expectation to be perfect. He is shy, a bit prudenent, but seeks true love most of all. He is engaged to an Angelon named Karissa. (Her story is also imprtant and tied to our Main Team, (Garisson Barlowe). Valorian, named after the word Valor, is expected to be everything expected of a Goisha, just as his father was by Catholiss. Heres a hint to how the Goisha play into the main plot, this story isnt about "eating the rich." This story is about the rich actually using their powers for good. Instead of the Goisha being "Rich" in matterials, they are rich on raw power, they have the power to change the Deadworld for the better, but due to Catholiss's bigotry, it never changes. It starts with Valorian, after he meets Finnias Fargo. Before Finnas, Valorian has still felt like he longed for more, like his life wasnt truelly fulfilled. He feels like less of a person and more of just all mighty force of nature, just a piece of the puzzle of Catholiss's perfect world order, just a being to fear and to be ostracised by humanity.

When he meets Finnias, he eventually gets to see the true damage his family has caused the Beings of the Deadworld. He falls in love with Finnias because he admires his good heart, and his comedic personality. The two get closer because (so far) when Valorian and his cousins (Asmodeus, Ryhaka, and Percilla) end up fighting amongst each other, he leaves the Palace of Arcadia with Asmodeus. He asks Finnias if he can stay with him, and Finnas having major feelings for this interesting godly being, of course says yes. (My fiance and i have a running joke that Finnias runs back upstairs to his flat and just starts hucking garbage out the window like a mad man because he doesnt really stay at his place often.) More on Finnias soon, but his story is pretty fucking sad. Long story short, he was a full of himself gangster who got in way over his head with a crime syndicate, and his two friends (in the gang) and sister (not involved whatsoever, but is trying to help her brother see the light) end up getting killed because if it. Finnias has history repeating itself woth the Main Team when they come up against Laveren and his Syndicate.

But Anyway, Whooo, so much to talk about, so little post, lol, Heres Valorian

[spacedlexi]

have you read the clementine book? if so what are your thoughts?

i said a lot of my thoughts when the book was first announced,, and thought it was going to suck for a myriad of reasons,,,

and i was right lol

i havent read it 100% myself since i refuse to engage with it and i pretend it doesnt exist, but ive seen pages of it here and there and ive read other in depth reviews out of morbid curiosity and its just...................... it sucks so much...........................

putting this under a read more for those of u also pretending this comic doesnt exist so u can continue on ur day 💕

clem as a character has reverted back to her s3 self, and not even the end of s3 but the beginning of it before she opened up to the garcias and was just an angry distrustful loner who was tired of watching everyone she cared about die around her (which is why she pushed people away..and its like... a major part of her character development for s3.. and is now being used as her development for this book that takes place AFTER S4!!). so not only are we getting a complete retcon basically of s4, but also s3 technically?? who is this person this is not post s4 clem. this is literally 13/14 year old clem

ALSO can i just say.. when i read the synopsis and it said she was "moving into a new community of teens" i was expecting it to actually be like.....a Community...... and not LITERALLY JUST LIKE 3 PEOPLE.......... 2 of which are our store brand minnie/sophie stand-ins and the 3rd is a a half baked love interest. actually its worse than half baked. her calling clem "baby" made me choke. i was also expecting amos and whatever her name is to both be possible love interests (even tho i wasnt thrilled by the idea of either of them. louis and violet are good thanks), but no amos gets with one of the sisters and dies 💀 and the girl is calling clem "baby" before book 1 is even over................................................................ LIKE WHAT IS THIS. also why tf are these 3 TEENAGERS..ALONE... building new houses?? in the middle of winter in VERMONT!!?!?!?!?? make it make sense im begging. AND!!! theyre LEAVING!! this community!!!! at the end of the book??? WHAT?? not only did they scrap the s4 teen community but their own freaking teen community as well and now theyre going to an island or something??? and its sounding like an "island of dr moreau" reference so thats... idk im bored already. like what are we doing. what is this

and i cannot BELIEVE... clems reasoning for leaving the school.... is that she felt like the kids were treating her differently?? that people thought since she lost her leg that she was like.. useless?? the ericson kids would QUITE LITERALLY NEVER. you know aside from the fact that louis or violet could end s4 with their own disability giving them something in common with clem since they receive their injuries at basically the same time and are getting used to their new limitations side by side... HOW MANY TIMES... did clem hear from different kids... that they owe their lives to her, that she protected them and gave them a fighting chance, that she turned ericsons into a safe place worth fighting for and saved them from being a bunch of scared kids hiding in the woods just waiting for something to happen to them, how without her theyd all be child soldiers or dead....... ericsons as a community was all about these traumatized abandoned kids banding together to take care of each other in a harsh world where everyone neglected and forgot about them. they were a bunch of "troubled" kids nobody wanted not even their own families, who each were suffering from their own issues and became a tight knit group where they all looked out for each other. WHERE... IN ANY OF THIS..... does it make sense for clem to feel ostracized?? for them to treat her differently??? just because of her leg (which again shes not the only one with a disability)?? which aj specifically states he will make her a new one? lets also not get into the fact of what her losing her leg is supposed to symbolize because ive said it a million times. but i guess it makes sense for that to be retconned too since its all about her not being on the road anymore and how she has a stable and safe community of people she loves who she can rely on (which is what shes been wanting since...forever). cant have that if we're gonna shove her out on the road again and give her the same problems she had when she was young teen

also.. why tf.. does clem suddenly know NOTHING?? about WOUND CARE?? lets ignore the fact that shes leaving the school before her leg is even completely healed (wtf). but like......clem has known basic wound care since SEASON 2.. an entire scene is literally clem escaping the shed because she knows itll be bad if her dog bite is left to fester. so she breaks into the house. steals supplies to clean and patch herself up. and then LITERALLY. CLEANS AND STITCHES HERSELF... AT 11 YEARS OLD. leading to the classic and iconic "im still not bitten" line. and aside from literally everything shes learned on the road, theres also ruby? who was literally trained by the school nurse and was definitely taking care of clem and her wound and you KNOW ruby would be on top of it too like "clem did you clean today did you change your bandages let me know if you need help i have more bandages if you need them also painkillers and dont forget to rest"

also i have to just quick mention how fuckin Lame it is that she names her prosthetic "kenny" fuck off. having a character say "yeah. thats a good name" does not make it a good name that actually makes it more glaring honestly. and her flashbacks about lee and how shes like.. mad at him for not saving her or something?? or for like leaving her alone or whatever? its so.. like.. what the fuck... i hate it so much... it feels so childish honestly?? clem never blamed lee for Anything he fought so hard for her and she knows that. i feel like if anything she would have guilt for running away in the first place since its the reason he got bit? its not HIS fault he fuckin died. and he walked through hell to make sure he got her to safety

ok. i think thats everything new i have to add. there were a lot of other problems too but i dont feel like sitting here ripping this book to shreds again i just want to pretend it doesnt exist. ive at least completely separated it from the rest of twdg and i can look at it as its own mess. that is NOT clementine and i can say that with 1000% certainty now. now its just like watching a car wreck. but i know that clem is still back at ericsons enjoyin her fuckin life and vibing

[r0ses-are-rosie]

hi! im so excited you opened up your asks, i wish you luck on your blog! that being said, can i request mitsuri, giyu, shinobu and rengoku being in love with a fem! hashira? thank u in advance!

WOOOOOO my first request! i didnt expect it to be so fast lol :) also....wtf? how are you so nice? thank you so much for the kind words, you're such a sweetheart <3 btw i hope you dont mind me answering this sort of quickly, im just very excited. anywayssss, im sure you're all tired of me talking, so lets get on into the headcanons! i hope this is alright 🤧

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Mitsuri, Giyuu, Shinobu, and Kyojuro being in love with a Fem!Hashira

🍡 Mitsuri Kanroji

woah! you're so beautiful!

that was the first thought that ran through her head when you were introduced into the corps

i think that she would be a person to fall in love at first sight tbh

she was much too shy to approach you! way too scared she would trip over her words!

definitely fine from admiring you from afar

loves making up scenarios about you both being together in her head...and then she dies from how cute they are

always asks if you'd like to accompany her on missions

i think she would make little bento boxes for you to share!

always lets you have as much of her sakura mochi as you'd like

honestly i feel like she wouldnt care or even think about the fact that you're another girl. she'd just be like "oh shit im in love," however she wouldn't say anything in fear of ruining your friendship

but when you pull her aside one day and tell her how you felt, she was so happy that she started crying

"oh, (name)! i-i love you too!"

*cue angry obanai noises*

🌊 Giyuu Tomioka

at the beginning, he wasnt really interested in you

i mean, he did want to be your friend but he didnt think of you romantically

until....

UNTIL??

until you walked over to him one day and tried to spark up a conversation with him

he was taken aback but did have small, short phrases as a response. its not that he wasnt trying to engage, he was just so...awkward

EXPECIALLY SINCE YOU'RE A GIRL???

after that day, you came up to him. every. single. day. you spoke to him, and after a few conversations, he started to look forward to speaking to you

and one day he was like, "wait...do i...?"

he realized he loved you, and now he made an effort to try to be around you

he would always be hovering near you, whether it be beside of behind you

asks if he could accompany you on missions

he also tries to be near you during meetings

shinobu definitely caught on to this and teases him relentlessly about it

"ohh," shinobu grinned. "should i tell the (breathing style) pillar how you feel about her?"

"...shut up."

in all honesty, shinobu would try to make him confess his feelings to you, and after enough of her pushing him, he eventually gathered his courage and told you he loved you

a small, but sunny sweet smile spreaded on his face when you told him you loved him too

🦋 Shinobu Kocho

definitely feels anxious about the fact that you're a girl. what if you were to get together and people would judge you? she didn't care if people judged her, she just didn't want any hate to be directed at you

however she does love to be around you though

she's always looking out for you, making sure you're okay and well fed and stuff

frequently invites you to the butterfly estate

i headcanon that she loves it when you call her pretty─ it just gets her so giddy and giggly

you'd be a major source of comfort for her

she's able to put down her smiling act around you and lets herself just chill out for as long as you're around

for sure always flirting with you

wears a shit-eating grin when she manages to make you flustered

shes a bit ─ not really? ─ surprised when you tell her that you have feelings for her

she's ecstatic nonetheless

🔥 Kyojuro Rengoku

he's just...rengoku

but 10x louder

whenever he speaks its usually like he's using exclamation marks but when he's around you, bro is speaking in all caps

"GOOD MORNING, (NAME). DID YOU SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT?"

it definitely makes you jump the first couple of times but overtime you got used to it, sometimes not flinching everytime he suddenly YELLED at you

he cant help it! being around you just wants him to jump from giddiness!

i dont think he's ever felt this way about anyone before?? you're his first love!

i headcanon that he gave you his haori to wear once when it was cold and you looked so stunning in it that he just offered it to you on a day to day basis honestly

loves to talk about you

"DID YOU SEE (NAME) TODAY? SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY!"

"yes, kyojuro. you've mentioned her 7 times now."

to everyone outside of your friendship, his admiration is obvious

this man is head over heels for you girl

everyone gets frustrated when you say you don't know what they're talking about

"what do you mean?" you giggle. "thats just kyojuro, its nothing special."

ma'am...you better claim your man or imma take him for myself

[sylwanin-was-right]

AWOW: My First Impressions (several spoilers)

Just got out the theatre. i watched an 11AM showing so it wouldnt be a terribly full crowd and so I could engage in fandom for the rest of the day. And yea....I'm going to be very honest:

There were many things I loved: I loved the callbacks to the forest fauna in the begining; the visuals immesnely improved and so did the Mo-cap. I loved the potential the characters had, and was suprisingly satified with the way some of the characters retured (particularly Quaritch) and how some things were explained (like the Na'vi to English transitioning, and Pakayan's outcast status). I loved seeing Neytiri's rage and stradegy involving Spider, it was interesting to see Spider's identity crisis at the end, and Tuk and Kiri are my faves. The Tulkun being people is rich and lovely, the Metkayina's village was so well inspired and looked so real, and I really like how Eywah is basically an established character. Im very happy the Omaticaya were not ordered to leave the forest and Jake was resigned as Olo'eyktan. The messages about the cruelty of capitalist ventures and environmental destruction were very visceral and clear, and the themes of colonization clear as well.

And there were many more things I did care for or like at all: the story was frustrating and pacing far to straight forward until the few twists at the very end. It was very disappointing to me. The character development was so flat; just when a scene started between character interactions, it felt like it was cut short abruptly to asvance the plot. The dialouge was not subtle and a bit wooden when someone wasnt distraught in anguish or excited with glee. And the spiritual aspects of the film were so, so, so underserved to me. The parallels between the first and second films were ok but in the begining they were too obviously the same, at least in pacing. And I'm gonna get a lot of backlash for this, but I really did not like Lo'ak, Neytiri and Kiri's characters having so few lines and many points of needing to be saved despite their importance and power was frustrating, and Tuk following along so many missions was just.... like cmon. The descison to make Neytiri and Ronal clash upon arrival was bizzare and the bickering between the Omatikaya and Metkayina kids felt overextended, particularly Aonung's cruelty to Lo'ak and just the general duration of their childish interactions. Tsireya's character felt serverely underserved, too. I could go on, but thats for other posts lol.

I would definitely recommend any Avatar fan to see the movie since its still the spectacle of the year, and Pandora has been a bit more fleshed out more in a new location (we know of the Metkayina as a general ethnicity of multiple villages and cultures across hundres of islands rather than one big or small homogenous clan, for instance). But I'm gonna be honest, I never really expected this film to be much other than a spectacle despite my curiosities and anticipation, and to me it was primarily just that. The negative reviews I read didnt really affect my opinions and I could diagree with parts I read, so I dont think its was bias there.

I still love the Avatar universe, but I can say that the 13 year wait for me was a bit anticlimactic. The others are coming, and I can only hope they improve exponentially in more ways than just visual sensation.

[charliesimss]

Alexa&Graham

PLEASE they're called grexa im dying 💀😂

Who sleeps on the left and right side of the bed? Alexa sleeps on the left closest to the wall and graham sleeps on the right out in the open. dont get me started on how shes gay cause she has her bed up against two walls. she doesnt believe in that.

3. Who’s the little and big spoon? Alexa's little

5. Who screams and who kills the spider? Alexa screams but would also take the spider out because she was a single mom for a bit and had to do both.

7. How do they share chores? Alexa is very much she'll just do everything so it gets done so when she goes to bed without doing the dishes and they;re done in the morning shes all :shockedpika:

9. How do they handle arguments? What do they argue about? They yell about it in hospital hallways all dramatically and then alexa goes and packs a bag and gets all sad because she's emotionally stunted and abused, so she thinks the relationship is over forever and graham apologizes first and is all "whats the bag for?"

11. Who says marco and who says polo? Alexa says polo because the idea of being in the pool with her eyes closed makes her feel unsafe, this lowkey seems like a game she wouldnt let logan play.

13. What’s their age and height difference? Graham is 3 years older than her and like 7in apart in height? I can't really do math.

15. How do their past relationships (or lack thereof) affect their current relationship? Graham has had a few relationships in his past so he's good to her, won't mess up like he did his first few times. Alexa's never had a boy that didn't want to take advantage of her in her life period so it's complicated for her when Graham doesn;t expect things from her.

17. Who made the first move? What was it? Graham did by sitting next to her in the hospital hallway while she was sad.

19. Do they engage in PDA? If so, what kind? Probably just little pecks and hand holding

21. Who drives and who's the passenger princess? Graham drives when they go out, but Alexa is one of my few female ocs who can and does drive with no accidents.

23. Who's messier? How does the other react? Alexa just has a lot of clutter and Graham just cleans it up and organizes it for her casually without cleaning it up.

25. Who said I love you first? How did it go? Alexa said it probbaly like the second day they knew each other and graham wasnt even scared, he was more like "oh she's just saying that because im here"

27. Who takes the most photos of the other? What are the photos like? she would take lots of pictures of both graham and logan

29. What's their go-to takeout order and movie night combo? Sushi and any version of spider man

31. What's their first dance song? (If they have one) Collide (acoustic version)/Howie Day

33. What do their families think of their partner? They don't have families lol. But Alexa's family that they do all meet one day dont like graham because they think he's the one who got her pregnant underage 🧍‍♀️

35. What are their favorite couple activities for each season? They live where it's hot so they'd mostly just go to disneyland for every occasion.

37. Who initiated the first kiss? What was it like? all i know was that it was graham and it was fucking 2014 level cringe

39.Who worries and who calms? alexa worries and graham calms big time

41. Who is the most physically affectionate? graham probably, alexa seems like the type to not like to be touched.

43. Which one of them did you make first? graham was technically made before any of my ocs because he's supposed to be a character from a book that I just wrote more about after the book finished. But in sims I made Alexa first.

45. How long have they known each other? What age did they meet? They met at 19 and 22 and in rp time have known each other for a year and 8 months. :womaninstem:

47. How did they meet? when they were both in the hospital with their family members !

49. Who's more of the "protector" in the relationship? graham is more protector but alexa seems like she'd get jealous

[unresolvedresolute]

Give us the tea! Not actually any tea lol but I honnestly felt like it was a mess but also wasnt too sure if this one was on him or not so i would love to get you comment on it. Give us the nerd interest please!

Oh hell yeah. Alright, sorry friends, this is gonna be LONG.

For like 40 minutes of the episode, I was very confused as to what the hell they were doing with the structure, and then I figured it out when Penance and Company head off to Maladie’s hanging: We will spend this week following her mission, and I’m guessing next week, our midseason finale, will be entirely focused on following What Amalia Did Today (which I think is even more likely given that next week’s episode is called “True.”)

This sort of unconventional structuring where we split one episode’s story across two episodes is not common on shows like this that air week-to-week, but we see it all the time on shows on Netflix, Hulu, and other platforms where they drop a season at a time and audiences are expected to binge-watch. There’s no unresolved tension or sitting for a week with your frustrating questions when you know audiences have the option to start up the next episode immediately. Related? The Nevers was EXTREMELY CLOSE to being a Netflix show, like, they were fully prepared to release and distribute it when HBO rather unexpectedly won a bidding war for it, and at that point, much of the season was probably, at the very least, outlined. So I think that the season was probably conceived with the expectation that it would be binge-watched and the last-ditch attempts to modify the episode for weekly viewing without undoing the work they had already done in laying out the plot of the season didn’t work as planned.

Second point, I doubt they were expecting episode 6 to be their mid-season finale. HBO has NEVER done that in how they distribute their shows. The first season was conceived as 10 episodes (I’m now finding sources that say 12 and I’m not sure if it was always 12 and had been misreported or if two more episodes were ordered), but they were interrupted in the middle of filming by COVID shutdowns and Whedon’s departure (and yes, we are now bringing it back to Whedon) extended that production delay indefinitely when they hired an entirely new lead runner rather than promoting someone who was already on the staff (side note: would LOVE to know what happened there). Especially given that they now had no idea when the season would be finished but it wasn’t going to be anytime in 2021, and they were already a year behind schedule and HBO had a programming gap to fill, they decided to go ahead and release the first half of the season.

The issue with that is that Episode 6, never intended as a mid-season finale, now has to function as one, which means giving the audience dramatic plot points, big reveals, and “come back next time” tension to keep people engaged during the indefinite hiatus. So suddenly, they have to retrofit all this stuff into episodes that might not have had it originally. Under normal circumstances, shows can do rewrites and re-shoots when they need to make changes to an episode that’s already done, but with COVID shutdowns, they couldn’t film anything. This leaves the creative team and the studio with only one option: re-cutting material they already have, which can mean cutting scenes that exist in order to cram material into two episodes that may have been intended to be revealed over more, and being unable to give us scenes that might have given more context because they can’t add anything new, which is how you get shit like “NO ONE HAS ACTUALLY EXPLAINED GALANTHI BUT EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS NOW GOOD LUCK!” There was no scene giving more context for it originally in the first 6 episodes, and we weren’t able to add one, so they had to do the best they could to make it clear using the context they had and you end up with information gaps, missing pieces, and rushed plot.

Also, when you’re re-cutting episodes and your top priority is “does our very complicated sci-fi plot even make sense??”, things like character development and quieter moments of found family tend to fall by the wayside, with them being viewed as less of a priority when you now have two episodes to get to a big reveal. And, of course, this doesn’t consider that the Penance/Amalia relationship is the heart and soul of the show (even if you put all the shipping aside, they are motivated by each other, we learn about each of them through their relationship with each other, and it is the biggest, clearest piece of humanity we are given to care about in these 5 episodes. their relationship is the show’s biggest generator of emotional investment and the biggest reason people care). So those of us who just wanna see the Victorian wives be gay were gonna be DEEPLY underserved by this one.

Now, the heterosexual nonsense. Here is where I’m absolutely gonna blame Whedon. He’s not the credited writer for this episode, but he did serve as showrunner for the first six episodes, which means he has ultimate authority on what does and doesn’t go into the scripts. The episodes are outlined by all the writers together in a room (which means if the fucking bird garbage somehow, by some miracle, WASN’T his idea, he at least knew about it), and he ultimately gets final approval on every script, which means he can add or take out anything he wants up until the last possible minute. This writer’s room is FULL of women, and there’s no fucking way a woman wrote any of this straight bullshit. This one’s on Whedon through and through.

(DISCLAIMER: I don’t actually know any of this as fact aside from the things that can be verified online like episode titles, episode counts, and the HBO/Netflix deal. This is just me making educated guesses based on my experiences working in TV production and my DEEP study of what goes on in writer’s rooms).

[strawberryspeachy]

S4e10 is the first time i want to actually rewatch an entire episode of handmaids tale.... ok wait second time - was it the new “ofglen” who blew up that important building with all the commanders inside and the handmaids outside - that ending was great

But omg

First off elizabeths moss’s acting!!! Ive gotten too used to that same dreadful look shes been making for the past couple seasons that... the wide range of facial expressions really surprised me and it just!! Wow

the suspence the whole episode. Nothing EVER goes right in this show. I knew what i wanted to see but i fully expected fred and serena to go free and happy. That back and forth feeling was super engaging

I loved that even though there was that tension between june and moira before, moira jumped right back to trying to fight and doing all the screaming and ranting for june - someones gotta do it and june was too mentally exausted

K like im still confused why everyone can go in and out of the waterford prison so easily and was like.... dooooo they want june to kill him?!?!? Why are you leaving her alone???

And i was so excited like yesssss shes gonna kill himmm - well first i thought she was gonna go to serena and kill her baby

But when she was walking around that room... like a cat pretending not to notice the mouse in the room - we just know june too well to think she wasnt at least planningggg something

Also fred is fucking DISGUSTINGGGGG as usual. Lying during his ... conference like WHY are you just gonna beleive this psycho at face value?!

Oh and serena thinking shes got all the power back.

Omg the two of them. I cant

And fred really being such a fucking disgusting person to think ANY part of june enjoyed his torture. She is so strong dude - i could never sit there not knowing if my plan will work and playing nice. I thought she was gonna break that glass and stab him

And like. Ok. Lukes not the worst but also - his whole - just get over it!!! Attitude.... even if she cant get him on the wall why are you reprimanding her and trying to pretend she can just get over that trauma with some food. Absolutr lack of empathy.

But june saying hes gonna be on the wall... i was so giddy!!

And i rewatched that smile she made when larence told her she hanst lost her touch- well she could barely contain her smile throughout that entire negotiation. And i loved watching larence put on a show like ‘ah we rlly miss waterford! My brother!!’

Gah and just. Also... i kinda thought june was gonna kill mark when she was outside his building. Men in this show. She went through 7 years of hell and you told her youd help and fucked her over and then throw an entire dramatic tempertantrum when she calmly sits on a bench near your house.... lol wow..i mean uncomfortable but have some prespective

And i wanna say the like demand straight to - oh im sorry. Didnt mean to he a cunt - i meant please? Act june did, its not overacting but knowing june it is so it was funny af

The suspence watching fred get ready to go.., i was literally chanting for the plane to be to gilead but it was so much better! Watchint him get arrested all shocked. “Im a man! I have rights” all the fucking ew... open the door back up and slap him

I just thought he was gonna get sent back and wed watch the commanders all hang him. But it to be lawrence - again with his ‘oh? Is there anything i can do to stop this? No? Ok bye fred!’

And i mean i knew we were in for a treat with nick taking him but i was NOT EXPECTING JUNE to just POP OUT of the trees!!! Fucking perfect. A literal horror movie just for fred

Also why did he keep calling nick son.... like... no one likes you???? Do you really think you can regain power just saying words like this???

And this is e first time i fucking LOVED seeing june in a red coattt and her faceeee like last episode when she turned from calm to screaming - it wad so good and so intense and such good acting and that heartbeat music got me

But hereeeee i cant even desribe the combination or rage and calmness pouring out. Not to be a weeb but thats the first time i think ive ever seen a live action representation of how i imagine anime cool characters to act

That power play of nick and june making out in front of fred loool - i dont care about the ships but that was perfect

“This is sick” - whats sick is how you never run out of things to do and say that make me feel sick...

I loved how june told him to choose - i feel like jt was a call back to his lawyer saying that she CHOSE to be a handmaid. Like theres not good option here

Does anyone think she actually would have shot him dead IF he did choose the gun - part of me wants an alterantive ending where he chose that just so i could watch june either tell him ‘no thats too easy’ or like shoot him in the foot so he cant even run right before being like

Oops i missed and chasing him down anyway

I hate horror movies but watching them all chase him down UGHHH IVE NEVER FELT SO MUCH GLEEE - k not never but ya know

OMG ALMOST FORGOT that sceneee with june and emily talking at the table about how june wants him to be scared to death. And fucking luke - with his judgements turning and looking. I feelll like.... emily helped june decide to do this. Because after getting to the end of the episode it seemed more like they were planning in plain sight in thay scene

I havent rewarched the show. So maybe im remembering incorrectly but it does feel like this fits because - wasnt emily kind of what inspired june to actively start rebelling when she drove the car around and ran one of the guards over

Anddddd the songggg from the 1st? Or 2nd??? Season. The ending right? I just remember that the last time we heard that song was when june first started a quiet resistance against gilead and all the handmaids were together in it. So it brought back those feelings of like ‘FINALLY its happening!!’ And it fit soooo perfectlyyy

When the girls first ran up to fred i thought they were gonna surround him and reinact that “shame” thing they used to be forced to do. I mean i guess they did without actually saying it cause they definitely killed him the way gilead forced the handmaids to kill people in the first season

And it was wonderful to watch! Thank you handmaids tale for making me feel like a psychotic sadist for enjoying that ENTIRE scene. I was giggling like i was watching a disney movie

Gonna ignore that part where june picks up the baby covered in blood - ew

I wanted to seeeeee serena get the finger - more so - i wanted to watch tha family come in and get her and be like - hey guess what your coming back to gilead!!! And see it end with serena as a fucking handmaid - GIVING BIRTH TO THE BABY BETWEEN (i forget the one who visited hers name) LEGS!

But fuck seeing fred on a wall with the “dont let the bastards grind you down” from the the very beginningggg - it felt sooo goodddd

And i just needed to squeal over this episode some more! I watched it hours ago. But i kinda wanna rewatch it rnn

[bloody-wonder]

Hopefully you're still taking asks lol, I believe in captive prince that Laurent has Damen raped at one point and that it's not ever really resolved? Which leads to the romance seeming unrealistic, correct me if I'm wrong, the author tried to resolve this problem in the 4th book but it wasnt satisfactory? What, in your opinion, made the attempt in the 4th book not convincing? And what do you think would have been a better way to try and have them resolve this issue?

*i’m posting this in the main tag bc i want to engage more with the capri fandom and find mutuals. if you don’t want to see these characters criticized and discussed do yourself a favor and don’t read this

how can you “resolve” rape? i don’t think there is a way for a character who committed it to come back from that in a way acceptable to all readers. no matter how much they repent, develop and atone for their actions they will still remain a person who commited rape. so the real question is not whether it can be resolved and how, but whether it can be forgiven (or whether you can still appreciate this character despite it) - and that is the question every reader has to answer for themselves and there are no wrong or right answers. obviously lots of readers sympathize with laurent at the end of the story and choose, consciously or not, to forgive what he did in book one. many others just can’t look past what he did and so the grand romantic ending rings hollow to them bc they see it as a victim getting together with their abuser. 

on damen’s part pacat consistently chose the path of forgiveness: he is somewhat mad at laurent in the beginning but becomes gradually less so as he gets to know him better and by the time he knows he’s in love with him forgiveness isn’t even a question - it already happened behind the scenes. that is probably one of the main differences between laurent and damen: while laurent is someone whose entire personality, motivation and character arc are founded on holding a grudge and never letting go, for damen forgiveness occurs just naturally as if offence and trauma were a bruise gradually fading without leaving any mark. 

this difference and how it plays out in the last book is actually something that made the ending feel unsatisfying for me - not the fact that the rape was “not resolved”. in the first half of kings rising laurent has to confront his own cognitive dissonance about having fallen in love with his nemesis and he indeed has lots of inner turmoil until he just doesn’t. obviously in order for the romance to work he had to let go of his hatred for “damianos the princekiller” but for such a resentful unforgiving character something had to happen in order to make this change of heart look plausible and authentic. i’m not a writer so i have no idea what that should’ve been exactly, but it should’ve definitely been something that ties in with both of their character arcs. what we had instead was a freaking baby - a bad plot device if i ever saw one. as for damen, the romance plot resolution on his part was much more consequential than on laurent’s - but only bc pacat chose to write no inner conflict for him. damen is not conflicted about falling in love with laurent - at least not to the extent you’d expect from a person who went through everything laurent did to damen. that is a choice which is definitely in character for his personality and is realistic insofar as there are lots of people who forget and forgive rather quickly, but which can also be perceived as problematic or simply narratively unsatisfying. as for the former i personally don’t think that capri romanticizes abuse - all of it, including rape, is definitely framed as something bad - and as for the latter, i have to agree that being not mad enough at laurent definitely makes damen a less interesting character. the reason why i love dark enemies to lovers stories like capri is bc i’m curious about how the characters will resolve what seems to be an insurmountable conflict (”you killed my beloved brother which ruined my life” - “you had me raped”) - so i lose interest when there’s no conflict to resolve or when it just goes away bc characters are in love now or bc they “have it in their heart to forgive” or something. however, i admit that i don’t know which way of resolution would be more satisfying.

laurent is also made to atone for his actions and redeem himself in the form of grand and stupid self-sacrifice which is a culmination of his personality gradually changing to being nice and companionable (and stupid) throughout the last book. other than that, in the epilogue short story (the summer palace) he is shown to regret his past actions towards damen to which damen says something like “we both did bad things but it doesn’t matter now cause we’re together and we know we won’t do them again”. these are pacat’s attempts at laurent’s redemption arc which ring hollow to some readers - either bc they are perceived as “not enough” or as “not necessary”. i suppose those in the first camp either deem laurent irredeemable period or they think that he should’ve done something more convincing or apologized (idk how that would work but apparently it’s very important for some people to hear a verbal apology even if it doesn’t change anything). as you can guess, i’m in the second camp - i think that having laurent suddenly become reckless in attempts to redeem himself is a disservice to his character arc and frankly speaking not necessary, seeing as damen has forgiven him regardless.   

ultimately, i’m a character-driven reader who is also aroace so when i pick up a romance i’m interested in who the characters are, why they are drawn to each other and how they overcome the obstacles to their relationship which is why i am left dissatisfied if in order for romance to be endgame the characters sacrifice who they are, or if i don’t understand why they like each other or if the obstacles just fall down when needed. i feel like with capri everything was very engaging and complex for 2,5 books (which really makes this series stand out from among similar dark romances) but in the last half of book 3 things go awry. “rape not being resolved” is just a small part of that.

[jovishark]

its kind of sad and kind of funny how my art i spend hours on barely gets seen even by my friends but a post i made in two seconds at work got SEVENTEEN THOUSAND NOTES

reblogs arent dying on tumblr its just that peoples interests changed the way twitter wanted them to and they only share things that they react morally strongly to

(dont rb)

edit: quick addendum before anyone decides what im trying to say here

"but jovi, what if your art just isnt as interesting as an opinion?" i know its not and thats not what i said, i dont expect an art to get nearly as much engagement as something someone might disagree with and/or want to promote. what i meant is reblogs and engagement still have a ton of power to spread Anything even on a site without an algorithm based on engagement

"but jovi, your take was bad and i HAVE to say something about it" okay, fine. but that post i made was specifically about reblog chains with one liner cracks like 'op, are you okay' 'op what are you on' 'i will KILL you for for this you stupid bitch' 'lmao let people have fun lol lmao' 'you people really think this way? smh' - stuff like that that is kind of obnoxious coming from a stranger even if its joking. sometimes posts are serious and sometimes theyre jokes and you only really know for sure if you look into it (which i guarantee if youre adding into a post that already has 10k notes, you didnt, you just thought itd be funny and really youre giving someone a massive headache) (theres a CHANCE theyll also have fun with it but its more than likely theyll just frown and toss their phone somewhere else for an hour)

"but jovi, tumblr is a fun social media site! its supposed to be a fun place where people can talk about whatever!" no! tumblr is a blogging platform. a blog is something that tends to be kind of personal or private if not something with a specific focus. tumblr is weird because it introduced reblogging posts word for word to your own blog with a source, which to my knowledge wasnt really a thing in such a scale that it is here. when you reblog a post the og tags and context are gone. sometimes thats fun and sometimes its a big headache.

all im saying is be aware and be considerate cause fuck, man, i hate having to make snap judgements on people i encounter based on how rude they are at the slightest inconvenience

[hello-yue-here]

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

[key-to-my-heart]

honestly i’m glad to see some river development like i was starting to worry they wouldn’t do much with him (because usually girl oriented shows don’t do much with their guy characters) but i still believed he wasn’t “wasted potential” like some people were making him and the other series two characters out to be.

like yes i too am passionate about things i hope to see in the series and while RH deserves much criticism when it comes to other topics... i wouldn’t be sitting there calling them out for “ignoring series two” when

1. the show is about the main wave of girls plus amaya and bella. so obviously the current focus will be on them.

2. i highly doubt they’d introduce these characters, give them very detailed bios, then do absolutely nothing with them

3. the show isnt over and there’s a season two! we had been waiting for river to get a vi life episode and we are still waiting on a stella dedicated episode (not vi life). same kinda with karma but at least we got to see her own vlog (also i wonder how often we will see her vlogs)

anyway my point is ive seen so many people quick to judge that these characters are stupid lame and a waste when... i think it’s too soon to say? idk. i never got mad at that but some of these posts in the tags on other social media’s rly got me confused but anyway i’m glad they shed this light on river. seeing that family representation is really important and i’m like... half surprised they gave it to us. like i’m not shocked bc they do talk abt the characters families sometimes! but i’m shocked bc it’s so rare to see that rep and i didn’t expect in to be represented in rainbow high

also violet is interesting. we normally know her as this girl who is so quick to record everything and put everything under the sun on her vlog, including private and personal details from her very own friends. she had an arc dedicated to her own drama following with an apology, which we all were hoping would lead to a redemption/development arc since she... is controversial lol. anyway. ever since her episode, she’s been rather chill. she’s still quick to record stuff or talk abt her channel, but it’s natural honestly considering it’s her career. it’s just exploiting your friends and ignoring their feelings wasnt the move (yet she made it several times bsdndn) WHICH IS WHY i’m glad she’s been chill. there hasn’t necessarily been extreme drama for her to engage in but

1. she asked amaya to post the dancing video before just downright doing it

2. she was being a good friend by making sure river wasn’t some guy who wasn’t good for amaya

so i say she’s being a good friend lately! at first i thought it was funky like... why would the girl who exploited her friends care sm about river... but honestly considering her stance in the show lately... i say she’s okay in my book! for now.

[uncloseted]

i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)

I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆

Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).

If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.

Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.

In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:

Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".

Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.

Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.

Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.

Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.

Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.

For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.

76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.

You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.

There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.

Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.

I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️

[ruby-read]

mid-year book freak out tag! - 2021

best book so far

a court of mist and fury by sarah j maas - 5 / 5 stars

need i say more? it was just so good.

best sequel so far

bitterblue by kristin cashore - 5 / 5 stars

i don't think i have talked about the graceling realm series and how much i love it on here but here i am.

i loved every book in this series but bitterblue stood out to me because even though it was incredibly long, it kept me gripped throughout. there was an unsolvable mystery (maybe im dense though) that kept me guessing for hundreds of pages and just a glimmer of romance which i usually miss when its not there but this stood on its own without it.

i thought bitterblue was an extremely strong character and it was a great ending to a companion trilogy (before winterkeep was announced and continued it). also, loved seeing all of the characters come together at the end and seeing katsa and po pop in and out.

new release i haven't read yet but want to

the nature of witches by rachel griffin realm breaker by victoria aveyard

something about witches and elemental magic just sounds so awesome to me and i am just so drawn to this book.

and i am currently enjoying the red queen series and love a good found family so im hoping to love realm breaker. ive heard mixed things so im gonna lower my expectations a little but still excited.

most anticipated release for the second half of the year

these hollow vows by lexi ryan aurora's end by *** ******** graceling: the graphic novel by kristin cashore six crimson cranes by elizabeth lim the hawthorne legacy by jennifer lynn barnes

idk why i am so excited about these hollow vows but i am and i think it's just gonna be a (hopefully) exciting fantasy romance. im hoping for two sexy men and a bad BITCHHH of a main character.

ive heard only amazing things about six crimson cranes so i am very very excited! i've been waiting for this book i think since january and its almost finally here!

aurora's end (even though the authors are cancelled) i NEED to finish the series then they will officially never receive my money again. the cliffhanger at the end of aurora burning was so incredibly uncool and so now i have no choice but to see what happens in the finale.

the graceling graphic novel. do i need to explain myself?

and the hawthorne legacy is the next installment in the inheritance games series and i really enjoyed the first book! the mystery and the way patterns were worked into it really had me intrigued and i was itching to know what was happening for the entire book. so excited to see what happens in the next one!

biggest disappointment

the crown of gilded bones by jennifer l armentrout - currently on pause/possible dnf

this book was just so boring but also SO much happened in the first 50 pages that i was honestly incredibly confused? and there was just overwhelming info-dumping about the history of the world and an underdeveloped plot. idk i just couldn't get into it (which was really disappointing bc i loved akofaf). thinking of dnfing...

biggest surprise

crown of midnight by sarah j maas - 4.5 / 5 stars

ok so. i really did not enjoy throne of glass. after reading the acotar series and then jumping into throne of glass, i hated the love triangle, the intrigue wasnt enough to get me engaged until the last third, etc. sooo i was even considering not reading the rest of the series. but of course like the sjm stan that i am, i had to. and this one was so good. i wrote a review on it so if your interested in more in depth thoughts go take a peak!

favorite new author (debut or new to me)

kristin cashore!

the way that she writes political mystery in her world is so good. not a single time did i have a correct guess on what was happening. i also loved how her books had strong woman main characters, but they all had agency in a different way. and how the romance subplots were small but enough to keep the romantic in me satisfied, but also didnt take away from the main heroines story. ugh just so good! love u girly <3

new fictional crush

aaron warner (shatter me series by tahereh mafi)

ok i know hes kind of like super crazy and kind of creepy obsessed, but also like.... cmon. hes kinda super hot too. and i kind of love the i hate everyone but you trope....

art credit: @jessdraw.s

new favorite character

lara (bridge kingdom series by danielle l jensen)

her strength, her agency, her ability to unlearn everything she grew up believing, her power. an amazing and complex character.

art credit: @rosiesfables

books that made me cry

a court of wings and ruin by sarah j maas

if you've read this book u understand why. there was a happy ending for our two main characters at the end but the war that ensued at the end of this book was just fucking heart wrenching and so beautiful at parts i will never forget everything that happened.

books that made me happy

heartstopper vol. 1 by alice oseman

i feel like this series is great for young readers (12-17). it teaches about friendship, sexuality, mental health, asking for help, how to offer help, etc. and tons of really diverse representation throughout. i wish this existed when i was younger.

it made me happy to think about young people reading this series and feeling seen and validated. and about how openly alice oseman illustrates difficult topics and how to deal with them. just made my heart swell.

most beautiful book bought/gifted so far

the ones we're meant to find by joan he

i mean... its gorgeous!!

books i need to read by the end of the year

crescent city by sarah j maas

again as a stan i need to finish this before the end of the year bc i have only heard good things and the second book comes out jan 2022.

favorite book to movie adaptation so far

moxie, shadow and bone, brigerton lol (and very excited about along for the ride!!)

2021 reading stats so far...

45 books read

35,000 pages read

11 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reads

4.13 average rating

thanks so much for reading my mid-year update! happy reading! : )