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hoperays-song · 1 year

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AU where Ryan was in Nooshy’s position + How to subtly write in a love story.

I should start this off with saying that I love Nooshy! She’s one of my favourite characters in the franchise. She’s amazing! This is just an AU inspired by La'Ron Readus on Youtube (his video on Johnny and Ryan is really good by the way). This AU is in no way negative towards Nooshy and in it she would be a central character in Sing 3.

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To begin, start with some main changes mainly including more interactions starting off at the first scene together.

When Johnny first enters the class, Ryan is seen looking at him and approaching him when Buster leaves, seeming to be about to introduce himself.

Ryan is seen wincing when Klaus corrects Johnny, referencing that he knows that it hurts and feels bad for him.

Ryan is shown reaching to help Johnny up when he falls, Klaus hits his hand away and refuses to let him help, Ryan seems worried and upset about what is happening.

When Johnny has his panic attack, Ryan follows him outside, clearly looking for him and crouches next to him when he finds him while looking extremely worried and puts his hand on Johnny’s back as the screen fades to black.

When Johnny walks out of the skate shop, he walks up to Ryan who was leaning on the wall next to the doors who smiles at him and offers for them to go get something to eat, Johnny smiles and agrees and Ryan swings an arm over his shoulder as they walk.

Cut to the dinner scene, light teasing about the show and dancing in general, Ryan reassures him that he is doing fine and has talent, light flirting with the singing scene and a waitress compliments on them on being a cute couple, both kinda panicking but Ryan pushes past it and suggests them practicing together, Johnny agreeing eagerly.

Klaus gets really angry at the idea of Johnny and Ryan training together in private, even though Ryan points out that he’s done something like this before and it would only benefit them in the long run, Klaus finally agrees but demands to talk to Ryan alone, Ryan agrees, looking scared but tells Johnny it’s alright and to head to the practice space.

Cut to Johnny falling while doing the routine, Ryan appears behind him, laughing under his breath, and they begin practicing.

R: *Snort of Laughter* Maybe let’s wait to pull out those moves pretty boy.

J: Sorry.

R: Don’t apologize, you’re doing really good!

J: *Raises Eyebrows*

R: Seriously! You’re doing better than I would be if I just started.

J: That’s not how Klaus sees it.

R: Well, he’s wrong. You’re really talented Johnny, we just have to build up your confidence and you’ll be a pro in no time!

J: Really?

R: I promise, come on! Let’s start with this…

Training montage but intertwined with scenes of the two seeming to just be hanging out and practice scenes where the two start to seem overly touchy and as the scenes go on they’re shown closer and closer together, final scene being them doing it correctly as a show up to Klaus, ending with them hugging and seeming like there’s a kind of tension, and Klaus glares at them and mutters “you traitor” at Ryan as the class congratulates them (this way Klaus attacking Johnny and Ryan onstage doesn’t seem to come out of nowhere as we now know he’s resentful).

When the group meets Calloway, Ryan grabs Johnny's arm when Clay opens the door. Ryan is crouched next to Crawly when she wakes up, moving a cloth off her head hinting that he acted as a medic when she passed out. Ryan is standing next to Johnny when the tv interview is playing, puts his hand on his back as if trying to comfort him. When the bad guys show up at the door, Ryan jumps and grabs Johnny's hand which Johnny squeezes back. Shares confused and scared look with Johnny when Buster says they’re going to jump but is seen helping Meena jump as Johnny helps Rosita.

Johnny and Ryan run next to each other in the forest area and jump over the railing to the street in sync.

When Buster’s clearance card declines at the set, Ryan reaches past him “Here, let me try…” and uses Klaus’s card with a wink to Johnny when the door opens, “looks like he’s helpful after all” at which Johnny smiles and laughs as they duck inside and a few of the others pat him on the back.

Ryan calls the other dancers to set, them running up to him when they arrive, treating Ryan as troupe leader immediately with Johnny smiling at him from the sidelines.

Johnny apparently introduces Ryan to Marcus in the background of a scene with him standing between the two as they shake hands, Marcus has an eyebrow raised and Ryan looks nervous.

When Klaus sabotages the scene by attacking both boys when they’re on stage, both try to protect each other from his abuse, especially targeting Ryan for “betraying him” and the troupe. Marcus is shown to be being held back by Stan saying “He’s eighteen Markie, give him a minute to handle it. We’ll deal with it later.”

When they finally beat Klaus, the two raise their hands impulsively as if to declare victors in a show of unity, causing the audience to burst into cheers. Klaus slinks off in defeat and Marcus and Stan are about to follow him until Barry alerts them of Crystal’s arrival. Johnny and Ryan quickly separate, blushing and looking awkward.

Ryan and Johnny are in the background backstage standing next to each other, shoulders brushing.

Johnny and Ryan both try to grab Buster when Crystal grabs him but miss.

When Rosita rescues Buster, Johnny and Ryan kiss quickly in excitement and immediately share a shocked but happy look before hurrying to check if Buster’s okay.

On the bus, there are other dancers in the spare seats, Rosita and Norman are asleep with their kids, and Ryan is cuddled up asleep on Johnny’s shoulder with one earbud while Johnny appears to be resting with his head on top of Ryan’s and the other earbud in but he raises his head when he waves to his dad from the window before putting his head back and closing his eyes.

When the bus stops, Ryan and Johnny are standing next to each other with Ryan holding a hand out like he was reassuring the other dancers.

When the Majestic news is announced, Johnny glances over at Ryan to make sure he’s okay with it and Ryan nods after glancing back at the other dancers who nod. At Clay’s acceptance, the two hug excitedly and Johnny kisses Ryan on the cheek.

When the group is walking onto set, Ryan and Johnny are shown holding hands and catching their staffs in sync when they are tossed to them by another dancer.

With this AU, it’s never explicitly stated that the two are a couple (you could even remove the kisses if you want) but it is clear that they are much closer than just friends as they are willing to risk a lot for each other and even have a meeting between a partner and a parent scene that would be indicative of a relationship. And that, Illumination, is how you subtly write in a love story without making it a main or forced feeling plot point.

#sing #sing 2 #rynny #sing rynny #sing johnny #sing ryan #i write this instead of doing late work #this is in no way negative towards nooshy #i love her #this is just a rynny centered au #Ryan and Johnny deserve happiness #johnny x ryan #johnny is gay #and so is ryan #ryan deserves more screen time #and lines #btw who was his voice actor #i can't find it anywhere

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aimasup · 1 month

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throws up my hands in mock resignation but also a hint of frustration Okay Valentino is a cool villain I guess

He's like. Genuinely unsettling. Wish the show struck a better balance with his character sometimes (like sometimes when he's onscreen I have to skip over because I feel queasy and sometimes he's so unsubtle he feels more like a prop than a guy who's going to be a Huge Deal in s2)

#why yes I have been reading some phenomenal fanfiction lately #a lesser me would be agonising over my inability to ever come close to matching the #masterfully characterised works of these talented WORD WEAVERS #but envy is a spoilt housepest and we must spend less time unleashing it upon new targets #instead let's talk about how these fics discovered its possible??#to write Val as not only a 3dimensional character but a deeply horrifying person to WITNESS #to depict how he thinks and what he wants and what he contributes to the people around him #while acknowledging that his actions are supremely messed up #also without dumbing whatever the fuck is wrong with him down to just 'can't do math and needs a sippycup'#those jokes are funny but he's also a dealmaker #he doesn't need to be studied under a microscope! he needs to be gawked at in abject horror! Oh the Potential!#he needs to tell us more about how depraved hell can be by linking us to a portion of the culture full of the dead who cannot die!#anyways. rant over. uh I think I like valentino now? in the same way I like the old man villain from hunchback of notre dame.#just. (gestures) what is this dude. ew. oh my god #my post #personal stuff #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel valentino #is this anything #again I am entrenching on dangerous territory of 'expectations for this media I consume'#he really doesn't need to be written all shakespearean-like #too attached mayhaps #delete later #honestly worried that if the show does reveal his backstory or whatever it'll try to paint him in a sympathetic light #and then the online arguments will be a headache for a month #villain with tragic backstory ≠ sympathetic villain

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tizeline · 4 months

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Man, going from rough sketch directly to lineart and just skipping the clean-sketch step is Not A Good Idea and now I'm struggling

Unfortunately I am both too lazy and stubborn to do a proper sketch and as such I will continue to suffer. Alas.

#working on more disaster twin bonding for the au btw #and in my defense i'm doing a proper comic this time around #instead of just doing a couple of drawings accompanied by a bunch of text for to explain context #which is what i've been mostly doing lately #i really like drawing comics but UGH script writing is not fun #which is also the first step and bc of that it's a struggle to just get started on the stupid thing #also comics in general are time consuming and i've had a lot of ideas that i just wanted to get out there more quickly soooo #BUT there's a comic on the way now so look forward to that #tizel talk

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maddymoreau · 2 months

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Fallout New Vegas Lucky 38 Presidential Suite Sleeping Arrangement Headcanons:

I've been thinking about how the sleeping arrangement would work, since there are only three beds and six couches in the Lucky 38’s Presidential Suite.

Here’s what I imagine:

Veronica Santangelo and Rose of Sharon Cassidy:

In the smaller bedroom to the left, Veronica and Cass share this bed together. Veronica is used to sleeping close to someone since she grew up in a bunker. While Cass has slept in worse conditions while traveling for her caravan work. So neither mind sharing.

Sometimes sleeping next to Cass makes Veronica think of Christine.

If Cass is up late drinking or can’t sleep (she finds the Lucky 38 creepy) then she’ll drink until she's knocked out. Sleeping on one of the empty couches or while sitting at the kitchen table.

Lily Bowen:

Lily sleeps by herself on the bed next to Veronica and Cass'. Since she's too large to use a couch and takes up an entire bed by herself. Everyone has woken up before to Lily listening to the holotape of her grandchildren, but no one is ever bothered by it. Lily has also tucked everyone at least once into bed.

Craig Boone:

Boone ALWAYS sleeps on the couch. He’s used to sleeping in uncomfortable positions due to his NCR work, so he doesn’t mind. I think he'd also feel guilty taking a bed. Also, he doesn't want to share a bed with anyone else because the last person he did that with was Carla.

He usually likes the couch next to the pool table since it faces the Lucky 38's elevators. However, if Cass falls alseep there after drinking a little too much, then Boone will take a different couch.

Rex:

Rex changes where and who he sleeps every night, but whenever he sleeps with Boone it’s like this:

Raul Tejada, Arcade Gannon and My Courier Six:

Raul, Arcade and her all share the main big bedroom.

Usually Raul and Courier Six share the bed with ED-E (and sometimes Rex) in the middle. Raul will 100% play the arthritis and old man card.

Despite ghouls being described as gross/smelly, even Raul describes it "stink like a public toilet after Cinco de Mayo". Courier Six isn't bothered by it and doesn't mind sleeping next to him.

Actually, during the two years she worked as a courier she slept alone in many dangerous places. So, now being able to sleep next to someone makes her feel safe and happy.

Arcade usually takes the two couches and pushes them together. It's never comfortable, but he would rather do that than share a bed. His height makes sleeping on the couches difficult.

Arcade LMAO:

When Courier Six and Raul are gone he gets some of the BEST sleep in his life. The Presidential Suite beds are probably one of the few times in the Mojave he's found a bed that fits someone his height.

If Raul and Courier Six return late and Arcade is sleeping they'll just let him have the bed and sleep on the couches normally.

ED-E:

99% of the time ED-E is snuggling Courier Six. However if she's gone he'll either lay next to wherever Rex has settled, intentional sleep near Arcade to annoy him or just float by the elevator waiting for her return.

Courier Six snuggles ED-E like this:

#PLEASE SHARE YOURS I WANNA HEAR WHAT OTHER PEOPLE IMAGINE!!!!!!!!!!!!#Bonus: Post Second Battle of Hoover Dam after everyone eventually moves out (except ED-E) my courier six slowly (and unintentionally)#starts sleeping more and more in the bed on the penthouse floor. Despite the fact her and Mr. House aren't a couple yet.#She just REALLY doesn't like being by herself and everyone moving out is making her lonely.#Also she's usually up late working with Mr. House anyway so it's convenient. Totally nothing else 👀#Long Text #Long Post #MaddyMoreauPost #Fallout New Vegas #I couldn't sleep so I wrote this instead asjfkfla;ncacv #I imagine Fallout New Vegas takes place over the span of three years.#So of course she’s sad when everyone separates going their own way.#Need to write a post on my Headcanons for what happens to everyone and what they’re doing during the Second Battle of Hoover Dam.

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devildom-moss · 2 months

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I'm alive (light-heartedly). Thank y'all for being so patient with me. I have been having some trouble writing requests for a bit, and I've been a little worn out.

I'm going to just focus on the poll fic for this weekend and try to get other stuff done next month. It's been hard for me to actually get started, but I'm enjoying the process with this one, so hopefully you all will like the NSFW Beel x Diavolo x MC content I'll have for you, some time on the 31st (I hope).

#moss update #also if I can elaborate a little #warning: venting in the tags #but I did kinda pop off with it so maybe give it a read?#I feel a bit disconnected with my words as of late. I can write something but it's hard to tell if it sounds like my other writing #I feel like I've taken my usual voice picked it up and just sort of dropped it in an adjacent location #I can see how I would usually write but it's more like I'm trying to mimic the usual narrative path in real time instead of creating it #like tracing the veins of some familiar creature #and trying to follow the pulsing of blood so I can use its rhythm in my own Frankenstein-ian creature.#It's awkwardly intimate but my hands are doomed to the work of piecing something together.#I happily crazily do it #knowing that I crave it so intensely that it must be done at any means.#Even if it involves this self-conscience feeling of self-mimicry.#How else can I get back to my sense of voice if not to relearn it all over again?

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weirdopponent · 1 year

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FRUITS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN GROWING ON THE TREE OF KNOWLEDGE

The apple, the classic, bright red like struck skin

fits firmly in your palm.

You crush it in your teeth and between your jaws, it snaps like broken bone.

Scavengers feast on what remains, what you leave behind.

The pomegranate, cut in half, bleeds like a heart

from four chambers, from its severed veins

which it doesn't need anymore, taken from its body like this

The peach falls to the ground and no one catches it in time

and it bruises readily, tenderly

martyred for the health of the earth

The cherry grows in pairs

One holds the other which holds the other back

When you split them apart, the ladder of your ribs aches in sympathy

The apricot shines golden from its perch in the golden sun

reminding you of the guardians blinding halo, its fierce flaming swords

Is it ever blinded? The fruit is sweet on the tongue

A banana?

That's just silly.

#dont have anything from my other stuff progress was really slow on both today she is red and no stars tonight #also im just kind of embarrassed posting fanfic sometimes #its easier to write since half of the work is already done #so i have a lot more of it than my og stuff #originals #poetry #poets on tumblr #this was mostly imagery practice but i kinda like it #i wanna add a rhyme scheme to it maybe #something else i havent done lately is alliterative verse but alliteration is so fun. especially if you focus on mid word instead of the beg #inning of the word #christianity tw #lmfao #i could change the ending to make it more serious too like #the previous drafts it was funny i think but the more i worked on it the less it fits #OH WELL #was still a fun little thing to do

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good-beanswrites · 8 months

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Could you write a drabble for Mikoto and Shidou plus Blood? This request miiight be inspired by the fact that Mikoto mentions his body hurting a lot but doesn't seem to be receiving any medical treatment, either because Mahiru and Fuuta take priority or because there's no obvious cause, and therefore cure, to his pain...

👀👀👀 Thank you, this is such a good combo ough!! It's so interesting how much focus the others get when it comes to physical health, since Mikoto has clearly complained of his condition :( It looks like Milgram is trying to push the idea that he's completely oblivious to his alters, but I spun it where he's aware, just deep in denial. So have some Mikoto angst to get us hyped for Double!

Mikoto should be grateful. He was lucky. That’s what he kept repeating to himself. He had both of his eyes intact. Both his arms. He was strong enough to walk around freely. He wasn’t on the verge of death, or collapse. Thus, he should be grateful no one was offering him any help, because it meant he didn’t need it. He repeated it again. Maybe this time he would believe it.

With a groan, his body rolled out of bed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken up actually feeling rested. Everything ached. His muscles tightened with soreness. His throat felt as raw as his knuckles, though he hadn’t been using either. He had no desire to lift his arms over his head, or twist around too much, so he didn’t change out of yesterday’s uniform. Maybe the belts and buckles had made it difficult to sleep. The theory wasn’t a convincing one, but dwelling on things like that had never gotten him anywhere.

He ran his fingers once through his hair, combing out a bit of the mess. Looking in a mirror was the last thing he needed. He made his way to the dining hall.

The others trickled in for breakfast. His appetite, at least, hadn’t suffered. He hardly noticed the others giving him wide-eyed stares. What were they expecting? Of course he was looking worse for wear, given the circumstances. He ignored them, glad to focus on the hot meal before him.

A hand weighed heavy on his shoulder.

“Mikoto,” Shidou’s voice may have remained calm, but it was urgent. “Do you need some help?”

“Huh?” He shrugged his hand away, offering a weak smile. “I’m fine! Oh, I think Kazui was saving a seat for you over there, if you --”

“-- How about we go to my cell for a moment? Or yours, if that would be more comfortable.”

What was everyone’s problem this morning? Mikoto did his best to keep his voice pleasant. “Really, man, I’m good.”

Shidou’s expression remained unmoving. Very carefully, he informed him, “you’re bleeding. Pretty badly by the look of it. You’re coming with me.”

Mikoto blinked. He looked over his shoulder, following Shidou’s gaze. The back of his uniform was torn across the center. A significant splotch of blood seeped into the material, growing even larger as he shifted to see it.

“...Oh…”

Back in Shidou’s cell, sad to have left his breakfast plate behind, he slumped into a chair. Shidou gathered together some supplies. As always, he got right to the point. “What happened?”

“I… I’m not sure. I don’t remember anything from last night. I don’t remember most nights, recently. I know that sounds crazy, but…”

“It’s fine. I have definitely heard crazier.” He smiled, something gentle and reassuring. As usual, there was something hidden behind his eyes. It was as if he already knew what Mikoto was up to late at night that earned him so much soreness the following days. He didn’t offer an explanation, though. Mikoto didn’t press him for one.

He winced as he was helped out of his uniform. Removing his shirt revealed the mysterious gash. Shidou’s eyes widened at the array of scratches and scars. Some were fresh, but most originated long before Milgram. Though he didn’t ask, Mikoto answered.

“I’m pretty clumsy, huh?” Maybe this time he would believe it.

Shidou was kind enough to pretend to. “Here, allow me…”

Shidou got to work cleaning and dressing the injuries. Mikoto closed his eyes. Even though the disinfectant stung, and sometimes those gloved fingers pressed a little two hard, it felt nice to have things patched up.

“Is there anything else going on? Are you feeling pain anywhere else?”

Mikoto could have laughed. He didn’t. “I’m just sore. And my head’s been killing me, but I’m used to migraines. Perks of the verdict, I’m sure.”

Shidou hummed in thought.

“Thanks, by the way. I’ll try to be more careful.” Not that he had much choice in the matter, it seemed. But he’d do his best.

Shidou kept his face straight, but there were traces of pain in his voice. “I will too. I’m sorry, Mikoto. If I had known… I’ve been distracted lately, but I should have paid closer attention.”

“It’s fine,” he flashed a grin. “I know the others are pretty fucked up. And I’m not dying or anything. I’m lucky, you know?”

“I wouldn’t say so. Doctors don’t only treat the dying.”

Mikoto frowned.

It didn’t take much longer to finish treatment. Shidou gave him a few instructions about the bandages, then offered him a clean shirt. “You’re good to go. I’ll be checking in more often, now. I’ll see if I can find something for your head.”

“Thanks. Really.”

He returned Mikoto’s torn uniform. “You should talk to Es about getting a new one. Until then, you’ll want to clean this with --”

Mikoto waved a dismissive hand, heading out of the cell. “Don’t worry, I know how to wash blood out of my clothes. Er, that sounds bad. I’m just a clutz, yeah? The blood’s always been my own.”

Maybe this time he would believe it.

#milgram #mikoto kayano #shidou kirisaki #im so fucked up over mikotos state rn :(( im pretty sure his vd is going to melt me into a little puddle on the floor on wednesday #id need to do more research on what doctors are supposed to do but i think shidou knows mikoto is in denial and wants him to work through #the realization on his own first instead of forcing it on him - and telling him wont stop the late night rampages in his cell #and youre right - theres not an easy cure for the stress headaches and all that anyway so theres only so much he can do #but yeah itd make sense that shidou (and the others) were genuinely too busy with the 12yo and dying patients to notice his condition...#sorry for having a shirtless mikoto moment 😭 i didnt want to pull a meme but it was needed for the prompt 😤#i kept it in mikotos pov but when shidou mentions what doctors do hes having an internal crisis about if hes a good doctor rip #i do think mikoto only had one victim but still got into fights and stuff sometimes - hence others' blood on his clothes in the past #thank you so much for the request!!#the double hype has been Consuming me asdfsdf so this was a ton of fun to write ;-;#drabbles

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catgirlkirigiri · 8 months

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only her name was inscrybed.

#alternate caption: woops! game's haunted #anyway. late (because oops i worked on this for three hours instead of two and now its technically the 20th) inscryption bday art. yay #kaycee my beloved... ive never posted inscryption art before have i lol. lmao even #shes got the act iii empress card cause its about her <3 was gonna do her deathcard but the idea of using the traders dialogue about her as #the caption was too powerful. also this card has less writing on it lmaoo #also nobody mention how weird the skeleton hand looks. i have never put effort into hand bones before. i was struggling.#kaycee my favorite girlboy #kaycee hobbes #inscryption #inscryption kaycee #zoracontent #zora arts

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deoidesign · 1 month

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I love Time and Time Again!! It was genuinely interesting to see two characters talk things out. Of course they kept secrets, but they knew when to reveal them and that made me want to stick around and read it. Thankyou for making such a wonderful comic!!

Thank you so much!!!

This really means a lot to me <3

I think there's generally a tendency to believe that relationships can't be nice in a romance or the story will be boring.

I understand where this idea comes from, stories should have conflict! And, real world relationships have conflict, as well. They always will! It makes sense that most stories centered around relationships would, inevitably, at some point, have disagreements, fights, anger...

I get why others enjoy it, its messy it's fun it's drama! but for me personally it just stresses me out since I've done so much work to NOT be like that!

As a writer, when presented with two people who are reasonably at odds with eachother, where neither of them is in the wrong per se, but someone still ends up hurt... it's a fun challenge to write them working through it in a believable way. it's a fun challenge, too, to put them into situations that feel equal and human.

I just think it's a necessary thing for who I am as a person to write relationships the way I do, and so I'm just very very very glad that other people resonate with it as well!

It means a lot. Thank you.

#me trying not to ramble on for paragraphs impossible challenge #asks #anon #I always love to talk about how uhhh #the perceptions we have of how relationships should be displayed #idk I dont think that theres any one way to do it #those relationships where people dont communicate and they fight all the time...#those happen. they happen all the time irl.#of course they would be reflected in fiction constantly!#but just for me personally #after YEARS and years and years of working on myself so I dont do that #I pause. think the best of my partner before jumping to conclusions.#take the moment to ask him hey #has anything been bothering you lately? things have been good but I want to be sure there's not little things I've done to hurt you #and i listen when hes telling me that yes. it did bother him when I made that joke the other day actually #and to learn to be patient #and not cry immediately #and listen #and ask instead of assuming #and always think the best thoughts first or whatever #its done me a world of good #and I dont think it is healthy for me personally as a person to write an unhealthy relationship with poor communication #because I get uhm... extremely invested in my writing...#in the way that it very much helps me learn about myself and practice habits.#cause obviously I still fail. of course I will #and I just would like to get as much practice as I can #of being better #for me and for him #and for all my friends

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nexus-nebulae · 1 month

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omg i placed a jimmy johns order for the first time using their app and i got a "do you love our app" type popup and i like to be honest, i liked how the app worked compared to others so i clicked "yes" so it would prompt me to leave a review and instead the popup window just said "we love you too!" sobbing

#that was so unexpected but also delightful #most of the time review prompt popups really annoy me bc if im gonna leave a review im gonna leave it on my own terms #and im gonna be honest of course bc they can't improve if i just straight up lie #i only clicked yes on the prompt bc i actually do like how the app works so i figured i might as well write about it #and instead it just gave me a little positivity :) which i also enjoy :)#the local jimmy johns and dominos are like. the greatest #the stores are right next to each other and i think the employees compete on who's the best delivery place #and they always have INSANELY fast delivery like my dominos orders will still be STEAMING when it arrives #and if they're like. even Slightly late. they give you a coupon for your next order #all the drivers are super chill too they're the few delivery people I'm ok with Interacting With to get my food

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purpleshadow-star · 8 months

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Au where, when someone is ready to die, they don’t feel any pain. The more ready someone is to die, the less pain they feel.

tws: lots of talk about death and dying (not technically suicide ideation but could theoretically be read as such), mentions of Neil's torture in the Nest (very vague and brief) and by Lola (not really vague but not explicit either, if that makes sense)

Neil Josten is ready to die.

It’s not that he necessarily wants to die, but he knows it’s coming, and he’s made peace with that. He’s ready for it.

He’s not worried about his impending death. He’s known that he was never going to make it to the end of the year ever since he first signed the papers to become a Fox and put himself in the spotlight, so he knows that, no matter what, at least he’ll have a painless death.

Sure, his experience in the Nest ends up being more painful than Neil wants it to be, but it isn't all that surprising. He might be ready to die, but he’s not ready to die there. Not by Riko’s hand. He refuses. So, there’s pain. But that’s a different circumstance. Someone else is depending on him to live. Neil doesn’t want to think about what could happen to Andrew if Neil doesn’t keep Riko’s attention on him. So, it’s different. He needed to live to ensure Andrew would be okay.

In the end, it doesn’t matter anyway

Once Neil starts getting the countdown, though? Well, he knew he wasn’t making it to the end of the school year, but now he knows exactly how much longer he has. When the day rolls around, Neil is more than ready. He’s been waiting for this moment for months, almost an entire year, really. Sure, it sucks that Neil won’t be able to play the game he loves with his team anymore, and sure, it’s a shock to see Romeo and Jackson and Lola waiting for him, but that doesn’t change the fact that Neil is ready for them. He’s glad that he’ll get to take away this last bit of satisfaction from Lola. She won’t see him flinch. She won’t hear a peep of pain from him when she inevitably tortures him because he’s been preparing for this day for what feels like his whole life.

He’s prepared to die.

So imagine Neil’s shock when he acutely feels the sting of metal that is Lola’s first cut. He’s so surprised that he fails to hold back an audible noise of pain. Only a not so long buried instinct from when his mother was still alive keeps his next reactions in, but his slip-up doesn’t go unnoticed. Lola is behind him, slicing him up, taunting him. Look who’s not so ready to die after all. I’m almost disappointed by how easy it was to get a reaction from you. I was hoping for a little more of a challenge. Tell me, Junior, what do you have to live for? What is making you want to live? Why aren’t you ready to die?

Neil barely hears her. He’s too busy asking himself all the same questions. Just a few months ago, he took an exy ball to the stomach and barely felt a thing. What changed?

Unbidden, his mind wanders to Andrew. Andrew and keys and the Monsters and the Upperclassmen and Wymack and Abby. The Foxes. His team. His friends. He realizes that, at some point in the past few months, they’ve managed to get past the walls he put up. They’ve rooted themselves deep in his chest, and they’re not letting go.

They are the reason he’s not ready for death anymore. The thought of leaving them hurts. He knows it’s necessary. He knows he needs to let them go, or else he would only end up bringing more monsters to their doorstep, but he’s now realizing that he’s not ready to let them go. Have to and ready to are two completely different things, he realizes as his voice is violently ripped from his throat through the burn of a cigarette lighter on his face. He’s feeling this pain because he’s not ready to let go of his new family yet. He’s not ready to leave them. He’s realizing now that he might never be ready.

A few hours ago, Neil was sure he was ready to die. He walked to his death with open arms, ready to embrace a painless, inevitable release. But now, in the midst of unexpected pain and agony, Neil changes his mind. He thinks he wants to keep feeling this pain. He doesn’t want the painless release of death anymore. He wants to fight back. He wants to keep living. He wants to make it back to his team. He wants to make it back to his friends. He wants to make it back to Andrew. He wants to make it back home.

Neil makes up his mind. Even if it means distancing himself from the person he’s lied into existence over the past few months, even if it means becoming the person he’s been running away from for almost nine years now, he’ll do whatever it takes to make it back to his family.

Nathaniel Wesninski isn’t ready to die.

#this came to me after i got out of the shower yesterday but i was running late for work so i wrote this at work lol #and now im at work again editing/reviewing/ posting it #ig work is prime writing time for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyway i wanna make this concept into a full fic #ive already opened a new doc and typed out the forst few sentences #i also really wanna do one from andrew's pov cause i think it could be really really cool #anyway enjoy this random drabble #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andreil #aftg fic #aftg fanfic #drabble #purpleshadow's fics #also in case it isnt clear: neil isnt suicidal in this. he doesnt want to die but he knows it’s gonna happen and has accepted it #he ready to die bc he's accepted death but thay doesnt mean he wants death #by the end he's no longer willing to accept death. instead of accepting death he's choosing to fight to live. ergo he's not ready to die #i hope that all makes sense lol

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novelconcepts · 5 months

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i don't make resolutions, but if i did

it would be to finish this fic

(and to be kind to myself for however long it takes to actually do so)

#i'm finishing it if it kills me #i know i've been writing this makeout scene for 3 weeks but baby that can't last forever #if we want to get deep and dark and serious for a second i do think a lot of my struggles to write lately have to do with engagement #and how incredibly low engagement has been on the last few things i've written #which like. is what it is. i'm not entitled to anybody's time or comments or kudos.#but when you write stuff you're proud of and it feels like it's barely getting read it's hard to keep momentum.#this isn't intended as a woe is me or whatever it's just kind of like. there. hovering.#happens enough times you start to wonder if it's you. am i just writing for the wrong fandom/ship?#(too bad if so. they're in my bones i'm writing for them and no one can stop me.)#but yeah. if you ever wonder if authors do care or notice about hits. comments. kudos. buddy i am here to tell you #not only do we care and FLOURISH we also notice when those things drop off and readers vanish #and it is a giant bummer. and sometimes makes us wildly paranoid about why that might have happened.#so if you liked a fic today--not even one of mine. just. anybody's. share it. comment on it.#kudos at the VERY least (cuz frankly kudos is there to be an 'i got to the end and this was nice' feature.#so when you get 500 hits and only like 30 kudos? it feels like 470 of those people hated your work)#anyway. that got out of hand. lil' too raw lil' too honest. happens when you let yourself ramble at 11:30 instead of sleeping #to sum: let your local fic writer know if they've made you happy #and as we go into 2024 i am swearing to myself that this fic (and probably several others) are getting finished #come hell. high water. or dishearteningly low engagement numbers.#(and then maybe we...actually work on something original. cuz why not. new year same old me but i'll do my best.)

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 days

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god. sometimes i really hate those "10 jobs that you can do WITHOUT a qualification that pay over 100k" and they list something like "human resource management" 130k a year!!! when like. EVERY fucking HR job (and other jobs like this, say like librarian- something that i PAID 17k for and burnt out for in postgrad lmao) strictly DEMAND that candidates must have 1-2 years experience AND an HR DEGREE.

very, very, very, very rarely i see something in HR requiring a TAFE (aussie technical college) certificate (ie MUCH cheaper- 7k) or a diploma in HR. it's almost always a degree, barely EVER "no quals or equivalent experience or similar quals"... even for entry level jobs in hr or most defs management positions.