#i’d kill to see what scenes were initially planned and how they were laid out

[artofwinniethepooh]

storyboard illustrations by Ted Berman for Winnie the Pooh and Tigger Too (1974)

[silky-stories]

Whitty having a nightmare about accidentally killing his s/o and reader comforting him with cuddles? 👀

Sure thing! Sorry for the wait by the way, the ask ended up glitching and disappeared for the longest time ^^;;

Hope this turned out alright!

———————————————————————

Too Dangerous {Whitty/Reader}

Genre: Angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Words: 1788

Related Song: sagun - I’ll Keep You Safe (feat. Shiloh) https://youtu.be/7ly7Mhle-4M

Summary: Whitty is scared of losing control and hurting his partner, thankfully his partner is a magician and knows how to make all of his worries disappear.

Disclaimer/s: Death, blood, small description of dead body, a bit of swearing, crying and panic attacks

Notes: (Please read) The start is pretty graphic and may be hard to read for some people, so there’s a double line down further that you can scroll to if you want to skip that part. It gets happy though, don’t worry :)! Also Whitty’s dialogue is in orange, Y/n’s is in blue!

———————————————————————

Numb.

That’s how he always felt after this happened.

After he lost his cool.

After he lost himself.

After his body gave in and combusted into the hot red plumes of rage, engulfing and ripping his body apart in one swift action.

...

After he exploded.

It never took long for his body to piece itself back together, for his pieces to come back and connect and rejoin one another, allowing his mind and consciousness to slowly but surely become clearer.

It was like puzzle pieces, all eventually finding their place as the picture that was his senses to come together, becoming complete once more.

None of this was new to him, he had experienced it many times before.

Only... something was wrong this time.

His vision was still very blurry, but he could make out a few colours, red being the most prominent.

He had never felt especially impatient to regain his senses, but the further along his accelerated recovery was, the more his half healed subconscious screamed that something bad had happened.

It wasn’t until he regained his sense of smell back that he started panicking.

The thick smell of copper and rust that cut through the air quickly invaded his lungs, violating his airways with the essence of metal and death.

Maybe it was the familiarity that scared him the most but...

He knew the smell of blood all too well.

The red he saw was immediately more violent and harsh than it seemed to be before, he stumbled closer to the scene with eyes only partially focused.

His legs still lacked most of the feeling in them, but he managed.

He needed to see what it was, he needed to know who it was. The speed that his blood rushed through his body only sped up his recovery as the picture finally came together.

...

He couldn’t keep his footing as he finally made out what laid before him.

You.

Your bleeding, broken form laid still on the concrete.

He couldn’t move.

Couldn’t think.

Couldn’t breathe.

...

He was trying to breathe.

Why couldn’t he breathe?

...

Suddenly everything hurt. His head hurt. His eyes hurt. His hands hurt. His body screamed in agony and grief at the loss of one of the few people that cared. One of the few that loved him.

What could he do now though?

You were dead.

He had killed you.

It was his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was all his fault.

It was-

———————————————————————

———————————————————————

Whitty’s eyes snapped open as he hastily sucked in a gasp of air.

He laid there, motionless, greedily filling his lungs with the oxygen that his unconscious mind believed so strongly that he had been deprived of.

He could hear how shaky his breaths were despite the numbness, he was practically hyperventilating as he gave the ceiling a wide-eyed stare.

His form felt frozen in place as images from his dream flashed in front of his open eyes like a movie.

His stillness was disturbed only when you shifted beside him, he flinched, quite violently actually, as your head bumped into his arm.

The groan and words that came from you were his first indication that he shouldn’t have done that.

You were up.

Shit.

“Whitty..? Are you... mmph, are you alright?” You yawned as you propped yourself up in bed beside him, taking a moment to rub the sleep out of your eyes so you could look at him.

When you opened your eyes you saw that he had flinched back from laying down into a sitting up position. He was staring down at you, being the skyscraper that he was. Although there was only one thing that stood out to you, sobering you up from your sleep-drunk state.

“Y... y-yeah sorry I uh... didn’t mean to wake you u-”

“Wait, why are you crying?”

He paused, only now noticing the dark and warm trails that trickled down his face. He was quick to look away to try to wipe them out of existence, the concern on your face had only deepened when he looked back.

“It’s really nothing you... you don’t... don’t have to worry... about me... s-sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

He was a mess and couldn’t piece together a sentence to save his life at the moment but he hoped it would be at least slightly convincing.

He really shouldn’t have thought that.

You very clearly weren’t convinced as you gingerly took hold of his upper arms and guided him to you, leaning back and wrapping his arms around your body as you followed suit with your arms around him.

He wanted to protest, he wanted to further reassure you that he was fine and let you go back to sleep so you didn’t have to deal with his emotional baggage at three in the morning. When he looked up at your patient but distressed expression though, made contact with those eyes that told him that he wouldn’t be judged for whatever it was that had upset him... he just couldn’t hold it in.

It started with tears silently starting to flow again as he pressed his face into your abdomen to hide them, his body starting to tremble in your embrace. It didn’t take very long for him to break into choked sobs, gripping at the t-shirt you had worn to bed like it was his last lifeline.

“Oh Whitty... I’m here, everything’s alright...”

You had no idea what it was that had upset him yet, but the need to console him was intense and immediate. Your hands moved to the positions that had worked before, one on the back of his head and one on his back. Small circular motions were what you started with on his back, gently caressing his head with your other hand as you allowed him the time he needed to vent out his emotions.

This went on for around ten minutes. You didn’t really care, you weren’t watching the clock.

He had stopped crying within the first five, but it took another five minutes to regulate his breathing. Now he was breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, the way you had showed him to before when he needed help to calm down.

You continued to console him through actions, waiting to see if he would initiate the conversation you knew he was ready for now.

He turned his head to the side while still keeping his grip on your torso, he looked exhausted.

“...Y/n?”

You were glad you waited.

“Yes?”

“Do you ever think that I’m...”

You didn’t try to push him to finish his sentence, you knew he just needed a moment to get his words straight.

“...too dangerous to be around?”

You didn’t want to ask, you really didn’t, but you needed the context if you wanted to help him feel better.

“In what way?”

His expression soured as he glared at nothing from across the room.

“There’s a reason why there’s people after me, Y/n...”

Oh.

Oh.

He meant himself being who he was that dangerous.

Well that just wouldn’t do.

“Oh Whitty, why would I think that?”

“Because I fucking am!”

His sudden outburst didn’t frighten you, you had gotten used to them a long time ago.

“I’m unpredictable and can’t control myself sometimes! What will happen if you’re around me when I lose control? Human bodies can’t piece themselves back together Y/n!”

You kept silent as you took in everything he said, committing it all to memory since you knew that these were valid concerns and he needed to lay them all out if he wanted to address them.

“I love you... so damn much... but I’d rather be on the other side of the world if I knew that it would protect you from me!”

He moved to look up at you, the fear in his eyes was heartbreaking.

“I couldn’t... I couldn’t live with myself if I knew that it was me that... that killed you...”

There it was, the heavy statement that served as a queue for you to speak, you could see the anticipation in his eyes. It was peculiar actually, the look he held, it was like he was expecting you to agree with everything he just said and run or something...

You tightened your embrace around him to stamp that thought out of existence.

“You don’t give yourself enough credit, you know?”

“I... huh?”

“I’ve seen the amount of times that you’ve been close to losing it, I know how hard it can be to stay in control.”

He couldn’t hold contact with your eyes, the amount of pure love and care for him was overwhelming after all the fear and desperation that he had just given in return.

“But I’ve also seen how much better you’ve gotten at keeping control.”

That was a surprise to him, but you knew that he would know what you were talking about if you gave some examples.

“Remember the guy in the grocery store? You looked like you wanted to rip his head off, and I didn’t blame you.”

You chuckled at the memory of the guy that decided to try to argue why the two of you shouldn’t be together since you were human and he wasn’t. The man was frustrating and made no sense at all, but Whitty’s fuse didn’t even spark, he didn’t lose himself to anger. He gave the guy the sharpest glare he’s ever done, told him to ind his own damn business, and then lightly took your hand and continued on.

His show of restraint was impressive to say the very least.

“You’ve been getting really good with controlling yourself, and we’re still working on it too. I’m not scared of you and definitely don’t plan on going to the other side of the world.”

Your grin was infectious, he hated and loved how infectious your grin was as he tried to stifle the small smile working it’s way up onto his face.

“I’m so proud of how hard you’ve been trying to keep control of yourself, and I’ll be here with you every step of the way.”

He... he let himself smile after that.

“I don’t deserve you...”

“And you’re clearly overtired since you’re just saying nonsense now.”

He chuckled, it was hoarse and faint but it was a wonderful sound.

“Really though, let’s try and get you back to sleep, okay?”

He pushed himself up further on the bed and carefully intertwined his body with yours, breathing out a sigh as he buried his face in your hair.

“I love you...”

“I love you too.”

[goddessofdawns]

𝙵𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎 𝙲𝚛𝚒𝚖𝚎 - 𝙻.𝙻

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Heavy angst, mentions of New York attack, reader being used, unrequited love.

Summary: When you meet Loki right before the New York attack, you begin to help him with his plan, you thought he loved you, but he was just using you for his crimes.

Based on the song Favourite Crime by Olivia Rodrigo

Note: Reposted from my old account

Know that I loved you so bad,

You were head over heels for Loki, from the moment you met him, he charmed you with that smirk of his. You met when Loki came down to Earth, planning to try and take over the world - at least you didn’t know that part yet - both of you finding yourself in a whirlwind of a relationship, both clearly having feelings for each other - or so it seemed.

Loki couldn’t keep his hands off you, he couldn’t keep his lips off you. You couldn’t keep your mind off of him, already going as far to say you loved him, badly.

-

I let you treat me like that,

Everything was going fine with the two of you, you realised what Loki was doing, and whilst you didn’t like it, you already knew you’d do anything for this man. Loki seemed like he actually cared about you, he treated you - initially - with so much care and kindness, that you were pulled into his embrace. But once he had you, he started showing himself.

Arguments were common, and whilst Loki had never physically laid a hand on you - he wasn’t that cruel - he’d said some horrible things to you, making you, at times feel completely worthless. But once Loki had put on a fake sympathy face, you’d run back into his arms. You’d seen the red flags, but you chose to ignore them.

-

I was your willing accomplice, honey.

After Loki had told you what he was planning to do, you helped him as best as you could. You were able to fight, you helped get Loki off the S.H.I.E.L.D ship when he let himself be captured. You helped build the machine that would open the portal to space, you helped Loki fight against a few of the Avengers, some of which you were actually friends with. You were willing to do anything for him.

-

And I watched as you fled the scene. Doe-eyed as you buried me.

You watched as Loki was taken back to Asgard, leaving you behind, leaving you to save yourself. You knew Loki would face the consequences for what he did, but you watched as he walked away, cuffed and muzzled. You could tell he was smirking underneath the muzzle, clearly finding it amusing that he was leaving you alone. He watched as you cried, your own hands cuffed behind your back, he watched as you begged Tony to let him stay.

-

One heart broke, four hands bloody.

Those things I did, just so I could call you mine.

You felt your heart break as you watched him leave, even though the two of you didn’t know each other for long, you could already tell you loved him, he drove you crazy, crazy enough that you killed for him, crazy enough that you’d have to learn to live with the blood on your hands.

You did everything for him, everything bad just so you could hear him call you his. So you could feel like you finally belonged to someone, so you could feel like someone actually cared about you. You knew a few of the Avengers, being friends with many of them, but you were one on the outside, you never felt like you belonged. But once you started helping Loki, you finally felt like someone, you finally felt wanted again.

-

The things you did, well I hope I was your favourite crime.

You knew of Loki’s past. Thor had come to talk to you after everything happened in New York, he told you everything that Loki didn’t. You knew Loki wasn’t exactly good, and you knew that from the start. You just always hoped that he never regretted what he did, you always hoped that Loki didn’t regret you, that he actually did care about you. You wondered if he thought you were his favourite crime.

-

You used me as an alibi.

I crossed my heart as you crossed the line.

And I defended you to all my friends.

Your mind was so filled with Loki that you began defending his actions, you knew Loki didn’t really want to do it, he’d told you about Thanos, you knew Loki didn’t have a choice. You had told this to the other Avengers, begging them to see what you saw, begging them to understand, but they never did. They never understood why you helped him, they didn’t understand why you claimed to love him, even after how much he so clearly used you.

-

And now, every time a siren sounds, I wonder if you’re around.

‘Cause you know that I’d do it all again.

The Avengers slowly let you have your freedom back, after countless missions with you stepping in to save their lives, they very slowly learnt to trust you again. They started letting you out by yourself, they started letting you have your life back, with some limits of course.

You’d always hear the sirens from your room in the compound, they were quiet, muffled due to how high up you were in the tower, but every time you heard one, your mind would always run to Loki. You’d always wonder what he was doing, you’d wonder if he was still locked up, you wondered if he was still in as much pain as he was when you first met him. You hoped he thought of you sometimes, you hoped he asked himself the same questions about you, you hoped he still cared, hoped he actually loved you.

-

All the things I did, just so I could call you mine.

The things you did,

Well, I hope I was your favourite crime.

Your mind never stopped racing. Thinking constantly about what you did for Loki, the people you hurt, the lives you ruined for him, you knew you’d hurt a lot of people just to keep Loki in your life, but you never regretted any of it, in fact, you’d do everything all over again. You hoped you were Loki’s favourite crime, because he was your favourite crime, after everything bad you’d ever done in your life, destroying the world with Loki was your favourite, the love you felt with him was something you’d never forget, even if it was just a way for him to use you.

-

It’s bittersweet to think about the damage that we do.

‘Cause I was going down, but I was doing it with you.

Yeah, everything we broke, and all the trouble that we made.

But I say that I hate you with a smile on my face.

You knew you’d face the repercussions when everything was over in New York, but you never truly cared. You were happy to go down if it meant you were doing it with Loki, if it meant you were doing it with the man you loved, with the man who never truly loved you back.

You would tell everyone that you hate Loki, that you hated what he made you do, you hated the way your love blinded you, but every time you said it, it was with a small smile on your face, you never truly meant it, knowing that you’d do it all again, you’d do it all just to have his lips back on you for a moment, you’d hurt a million more people if it meant Loki could actually love you, but you knew he never would. You knew he didn’t need you, he didn’t want you, and you knew that you’d most likely never see him again.

-

Oh, look what we became.

All the things I did, just so I could call you mine.

All the things you did,

Well, I hope I was your favourite crime.

Your favourite crime,

Your favourite crime,

‘Cause baby, you were mine.

[tokimihyachi]

Garden (Valentine’s Day Special #1)

Pairing: William Vangeance X Reader

Warning/s: None

Note/s: Soft boi going soft for us? yes please. 🤚 Had my readers in wattpad vote for who they wanted me to make a v-day special for, and william was leading as he dominated the first slot 😂 anywayss, hope you enjoy this!! 😚💕

As the captain of the strongest brigade in Clover Kingdom, William didn't really have much time for hobbies, much less his self. But there were several occasions when he had at least a few hours to kill, and in that time he either conversed freely with the birds living in the tree's of the Golden Dawn's base, or studied about a variety of things.

Despite the amount workload that needed to be done, he needed to clear his schedule since tomorrow is a special day.

For tomorrow, is Valentine's.

The masked man didn't have anyone in particular to celebrate the occasion with. The reason why he deemed the holiday one worth mentioning and celebrating, was because his secret project has long been neglected and he reasoned with himself, that he would finally place his plan in motion; a mini garden.

Patri was the one who gave him the idea months ago, seeing how his friend always read a book or two about gardening and yet they never even had one in the first place.

Everything was settled. The place was picked, the structure of the garth was created, and all he needed was plants. Particularly, flowers. The kind that would give him the vibrancy and life he currently lacked.

Being the honest man that he is to those he trusted, the Golden Dawn's captain has mentioned his little project to his acting father; the Wizard King.

Luckily for him, Julius mentioned that there was a local flower shop that had just opened near the borders of Kikka's perimeter. It was far from the base, but it was near where he would be patrolling the very same day. His first impression when he walked inside was how welcoming the place felt. How the light of the open greenhouse hit every flower and plant so pleasantly that it made his smile grew wider. But even before he could make the next step inside the glass greenhouse, you popped out of nowhere and beamed him a smile. Initially, anyone's first reaction would be shock, prominently written across their face. He, however, was not and looked more like he was in a daze. "Well hello, Sir Magic Knight! What can I get for you today?" your words laced in kindness sounded pleasant in his ears. This man has been greeted with the same words countless of times so why does it seem like he's experiencing it for the first? "Flowers." the world magic tree user mentally face-palmed at his answer. Of course, he was looking for flowers! This was a flower shop for pete's sake! You, being the bubbly person that you are, chuckled at his reply and pulled him by the hand to a nearby bed of ones, different kinds of them scattered across the display pots, "There are many more to choose from, but given the date, I'm assuming you're giving it to someone. This plant box has the finest flowers we have for the occasion today so choose till your heart's content!" you said, leaving him dumbfounded. His heart was fluttering inside of his chest. He didn't take notice of the flowers, oh no. His mind no longer remembered why he was here in the first place as all the man could ever think of was how nice your hand felt against his. 'Is this you having a crush on someone?' Patri teased, causing him to shake his head at the thought. Deeply sighing to himself, he clasped both of his hands behind his back and went around the shop. The variety of plants in the place was remarkable. No other place in Clover had these very kinds of flora's and greenery, and he wanted to commend you, or whoever the gardener was for the clear dedication placed into the place. The only problem is that he was unsure how to approach you. He believed that anyone would find it absolutely ridiculous that the William Vangeance, a captain who has fought with strong, zealously dangerous enemies on the battlefield, someone who has laid his life on the table during missions, is now frantically sweating because he couldn't muster up the courage to talk to a florist. A beautiful one, at that. "Can't find anything?" William jumped in place, nearly knocking over the plants near him if it weren't for your effort to hold onto his wrist. You pulled him up, so he could get back to his balance, but the closer his face was to you, the more did it seem like he was losing his composure, "Oh, my. Are you alright, dear?" you questioned, making him even more flustered than he already is. He couldn't say a word as all he did was stare at your eyes and the way they seemed charmingly glossy against the flare of the sun's light. This greenhouse had its benefits for natural lighting, and it seemed like it was most advantageous on your end. If only you weren't so oblivious then you would've realized that his glazed eyes meant that he was fervently adoring your features up close, "Can't find anything pretty you want to bring home?"

  "You."

Your eyes widened at his statement, an unfamiliar heat spreading across your face, "U-uhm sir what was that?" you heard what he said, but just in case you were hearing things, you wanted him to repeat it.

"You-nique flowers are presently available here." he said as you agreed and began blabbering things about the other flowers.

  The masked man bit his lip as he continued to stare lovingly at you. If anyone else were looking, they would've thought of him as a teenage boy having a crush for the first time, and in all honesty, he looked absolutely adorable.

"I'm starting up a garden of my own and I'm not entirely sure what to do first or the necessities that I need. Would you… be willing to help me?" he asked you, gulping as he awaited an answer.

For a moment you could've sworn that the tone of his voice seemed like it was pleading, but the amiable smile he plastered on his face tricked you into being deceived by his friendliness, "I would be delighted! Oh, really I am honored. People usually say I talk to much so I'd love to, dear." you said, clinging onto his arm as his breath hitched.

"Hmm, where should I begin?"

Patri, at this point, was already preparing himself for he knew that come by night, William would replay this scene in his mind. How could the captain not when the warmth and life you radiated was too contagious?

"Anywhere, my dearest." he replied, holding onto your hand that was wrapped around his with a smile that gave off his true intentions.

Now, he finally had an actual reason to start a garden.

[obeyme-kaidii-writes]

Sides (1/2)

Leviathan x poly gn!MC x Mammon

Words - 4999 (total)

Content warnings - lots of angst, but also lots of comfort, platonic polyamory

Prompt/Inspiration - none

Summary - You work to navigate the complexities of friendship with your two favorite demons. AKA - That time Mammon misunderstands you and gets jealous of Levi. It’s like a buy one, get one free sale on soft bois.

AO3

Levi had a really rough day.

He had gotten stuck with a public speaking assignment (that they would not let him out of despite the fact most of his classes were online) for RAD and he completely flubbed it.

Ordinarily he’d turn to his favorite anime for a distraction, but he recently learned that it was cancelled and they weren’t going to finish the current season so it only depressed him more whenever he tried to watch it. And he also couldn’t even pick up the latest manga he had been hooked on because his favorite character just died, out of nowhere!

Feeling like absolute crap, he curled up in his tub and just waited for you to come back from RAD for the day.  He already struggled enough with his own negative thoughts daily, and this added stress was really getting to him. But you always told him how you’d be willing to listen to him if he ever needed to talk, so he thought this would be as good of a time as any to try to take you up on that offer. He just hoped you got back before his own self doubt convinced him that it wasn’t even worth trying to talk to you because he was just overreacting and you’d surely be annoyed that he wasted your time for something so trivial.

“Levi? I’m back. Are you ready…”

When you opened Levi’s door to join him for your scheduled anime marathon, you were shocked to see he wasn’t in his room. Or at least that’s how it appeared initially. But after you took a few steps inside, Levi lifted his arm up just enough to be visible and waved you over to his location in the tub.

“Hey, what are you doing in here? You feeling ok?”, you asked, kneeling beside the tub, before crossing your arms and resting them on the edge.

“No. I feel awful. Everything is awful. It’s not fair…”

“Scooch,” you instructed him, standing so you could climb into the tub to lay down next to him. Levi was a little startled at first by the sudden request, causing him to blush, but he did as you said and made a space for you to lay beside him.

Laying on your side, you tucked one arm under a pillow, adjusting its position so you were as comfortable as possible given your current location. And with the other arm you reached out to brush Levi’s bangs from his eyes so you could get a better look at him, before taking hold of one of his hands and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“What happened? Is this about that school project?”

“No...well yes...but that’s not the only thing…”

“Then what are the other things?”

“You’ll think it’s stupid. I know I’m overreacting and just being a lame otaku.”

“Levi, you know that’s not true. I told you that you could talk to me, so talk to me.”

Levi thought for a moment about how best to approach this as he played with your hand, rubbing his thumb along your fingers. He wanted you to understand how big of a deal this was for him, but the thought of saying it out loud was...well, scary. He didn’t know what he’d do if you told him to get over it. But, after taking a deep breath, Levi decided to just trust you, and started to explain.

“It’s...you know that new anime I started? Well it’s not new new. It’s been out for awhile. But I just started it?”

“Umm, I’m not sure if I do, but continue,” you said, giving his hand another comforting squeeze, smiling at him softly.

“Well...it’s...well...they canceled it. And they didn’t just cancel it like not renew it. They CANCELED it. They won’t even be finishing the season. And how could they do that? Don’t they know how invested people get in their characters? Who gave them the right to just decide their fans don’t deserve an ending? The least they could do is finish the season! I can understand if they don’t finish a story arc, but a whole season?!”

Levi froze. Without even meaning to, he had slipped into pure otaku mode, ranting about his problems with fiery passion. His cheeks flushed as he averted his gaze, “S-s-sorry. I got carried away. You probably didn’t want to hear about all that stuff…”, he said, shrinking in on himself.

“It’s fine Levi,” you replied, laughing softly. You gave his hand another squeeze before continuing, “I like listening to you talk about your stuff. You know that. And you listen to me rant about my stuff too.”

Realizing Levi wasn’t going to look at you on his own, you let go of his hand and gently cupped his cheek, tilting his face up so you could look him in the eyes, “It’s ok Levi. I promise. So finish your story.”

You were looking at him so tenderly Levi wasn’t even sure how to respond. He could tell you were concerned for him, and even though you didn’t know what he was talking about, you were still listening intently. He really liked that about you. It was one of the many things he thought made you such a good friend, and he was so thankful you were his friend right now.

He gave you a small smile, and closed his eyes, holding your hand to his cheek while he continued. “There’s also this manga. I don’t want to say which because you’ll probably want to read it later. At least I think you will. I’d want you to.

But anyways, there was this one side character that I really liked. He was just so fun, but he also stood up for his friends and was just really cool. But...they...they...they killed him off! Just out of nowhere. There wasn’t a warning. Nothing that happened made you think he was in danger. You just open the volume and BAM he’s dead. Page one.”

Levi grew silent now that he’d gotten everything off his chest. Just talking to you made his heart feel a little bit lighter. Not that he was back to feeling 100%, but at least he didn’t feel quite as hopeless.

“So just too much bad stuff going on all at once, huh?”

“Y-y-yeah. After that...torture...at RAD I couldn’t even relax and unwind because everything else just made it worse! It’s not fair. Why did this all have to happen today? They couldn’t have spaced these things out by a couple weeks or something?”, Levi asked, with a huff of frustration.

“Come here,” you said, as you moved the arm out from under your pillow to slip it behind Levi’s neck and pull him into a hug. He didn’t put up any resistance at this point because he was pretty sure he was about to cry and didn’t want you to see his face. He simply cuddled into your shoulder as you started running your fingers through his hair.

“Thank you for talking to me. It makes me happy to know you trust me that much,” you pressed a small kiss to his forehead. “I’m sorry you had such a rough day.”

Levi just pulled you closer, letting your legs tangle with his. He used to think he hated being touched, but for some reason he never got tired of having you close. Your presence and your warmth just soothed him, melting away the knots of anxiety. He loved the feeling of your fingers combing through his hair too. It was always at a nice, slow, steady rhythm that was easy to focus on when he needed to keep his mind from wandering where it shouldn’t.

The two of you laid together like that in silence for a while, and it didn’t take long before you both had fallen asleep, with just the gentle hum of electronics as white noise in the background.

————

That night at dinner, Mammon couldn’t help but notice the little glances and smiles you had been exchanging with his brother. It annoyed him immensely that you had been even the least bit distracted by Levi while he had been talking to you, even if you were still able to actively participate in the conversation. He had thought about calling you out on it, but didn’t know how to do that without causing a scene and making himself look jealous.

He was surprised when he heard a knock on his door and discovered that it was you paying him a visit. He thought for sure that you had slipped away to Levi’s room.

“Hey Mammon, do you have a second to talk?”

“I s’pose. But ya better make it quick because I have somethin’ planned later,” he said. He most certainly did not have anything planned later and would happily talk to you all night if you wanted, but he didn’t want to make himself appear too desperate. At least not now while he was still mildly annoyed with you.

“Thanks. It won’t take long, I promise.” Mammon led you over to his sofa where you both took a seat and you turned to face him, “You know how whenever your brothers manage to take the seats next to me before you get a chance and you make up whatever reason you can for why you get to force yourself in between us so that you’re next to me?”

“....no.” Of course, Mammon knew exactly what you were talking about, and the deep blush on his cheeks betrayed him, so you continued.

“Well, for a little while at least, do you think you could not do that anymore with Levi? I think he’s having a pretty rough time right now and I just want to be able to spend a bit more time with him.”

Mammon blinked at you a few times, not fully understanding what you were saying. You didn’t want him to sit next to you? And you wanted to spend more time with Levi? He thought he had done a good job concealing his jealousy at dinner, but he started to wonder if maybe you noticed. Is that why you didn’t want him next to you? Because he annoyed you? You finally got tired of him hanging around all the time and constantly dragging you places? And now you were here to tell him you didn’t want him anymore. You didn’t need him.

“Umm, Mammon? You okay?”, you asked, examining his face in concern. You didn’t think your request had been that big of a deal. You just asked him to leave Levi alone for a bit. Why did he look so upset?

“Uhh...yeah...sure. Got it,” he said, turning away from you.

His response really puzzled you, but he didn’t leave you long to think about it, “That all? I told ya I had things to do.”

“Oh right, sorry. Thanks for talking with me. I’ll see you later, yeah?” you said as you stood up and headed towards his door to leave. Mammon gave you a grunt in acknowledgement, waiting until you were gone before collapsing on his back on his sofa.

Mammon wasn’t sure what to make of that conversation just now. Pretty much since you made your pact with him, you two had been inseparable. Wherever you were, he wasn’t far behind. It didn’t matter what his brothers tried to plan without him, he always found a way to involve himself. You never complained about it though, in fact you always seemed to be happy to see him, smiling and laughing at whatever flimsy excuse he gave before inviting him to join you.

But maybe he had worn out his welcome.

He knew you had been getting closer to Levi lately. Which wasn’t surprising really. You had so much in common with each other after all. Half the time he couldn’t even keep up with your conversations anymore. It didn’t really bother him though. He liked seeing your eyes sparkle when you were talking about something you loved, and he liked knowing that his brother had finally found someone he could relate to. And since you both made sure to include him often in your game nights or movie marathons, he never felt left out.

He started to wonder though if you perhaps had wished that he wasn’t around quite so often. Were you just humoring him? Knowing that he’d whine and complain if you said no, you decided it was just easier to let him tag a long? His chest tightened painfully at the thought. He didn’t want to think you’d do that. He didn’t want to think that all those bright smiles you had given him when he’d show up unexpectedly were fake. But he wasn’t coming up with any other explanations at this point for why you were suddenly asking for space. At some point, he had simply become nothing more than a nuisance.

CONTINUED IN PART 2

[ssa-daddyhotchner]

Undercover - Chapter 14

Chapter Selection

The italics are y/n's flashbacks

_____________________________________

Today was the day, Aaron and planned on this day for the last month. Sean's funeral was today, Aaron sat on the bed with his head down. I walked out the bathroom after applying my makeup, I went up to his. Kneeling down in front of him I saw a single tear roll down his cheek down to his chin. 

I lifted him up to finish getting ready, I grabbed the black tie from his closet. I wrapped it around his neck finishing his outfit. I walked down the hallway to Jack's room. He didn't fully understand what was happening, playing with the Legos on the floor. "Buddy we gotta go", He put the toys away and grabbed my hand. 

I went back to the bedroom Aaron was leaning against the wall. He was internalizing the pain, he didn't wanna seem weak. I grabbed his hand and we went to the car. I got into the drivers seat heading to the viewing. The car ride was almost completely silent the only sound was Jack trying to talk to Aaron. 

When we arrived we went inside to find the team. They were gathered around talking quietly when they saw us. "Aaron I'm so sorry", Rossi put his hand on his shoulder. The others thought It'd be best to stay quiet during this time.

I saw Aaron look down the aisle, he stared at the casket. He turned to face me, "Y/n I can- can't." I put my hand into his, "Baby yes you can." I was quiet so no one else heard. I walked to the casket with Aaron and Jack in my arms. 

It was an open casket and I saw Sean's pale face. Once Aaron saw him he finally broke down. He was whispering 'I'm sorry' consistently. The dame breaking he let go, they flowed down his face like he'd never cried before. 

He reached his hand out and touched his hand before walking away. I brought Jack up with me, he was still in my arms so he could see. He faced me, "Is that my uncle Sean." I nodded, "Yeah buddy." 

Jack had met him a few times before but I wasn't enough for it to have a huge impact on him. Jack reached out and touched his hand before quickly pulling his hand back, "Why is he cold." 

His words hit home for me. 

I was on my way home, I just got off the school bus. I walked inside my front door, "Mom I'm home." I went into the kitchen saying hi to my mom, "How was school?" 

"Fine", she chuckled as I walked out running up the stairs. I dropped my back on the floor next to my door and I plopped down on my bed. I got changed to some leggings and a tank top and running shoes. 

I always went on a run after school at the park a few minutes away. I jogged out the front door and towards the park. I stopped turned on some music and started running. 

Setting a pace I went down the trail, I went took my time going down. The trail let to the wood, I had run it so many time the route was practically burned into my brain. 

This time as I was passing the lake I saw something in the mud next to the water. I went down to the object. I saw hair and a hand, I pulled out my phone calling 911. I reached down flipping the body over. 

My heart sank, and I had a sudden wave of panic. I rested my fingers against her neck trying to feel for a pulse. Her heart wasn't beating, her skin was ice cold. The last time I saw her she was going with her friends on a trip. The cops arrived on the scene and processed everything. They took my fingerprints to separate from any other prints they might have found on her body. 

"Y/n", I was taken out of my thoughts by Jack. He placed a hand on my face wiping the tears. 

"Why are you crying?", I walked away from the body going to sit next to Aaron. 

We got into our cars and went along with the procession. I saw them take the casket and place it in the hearse. It pulled out first and we all followed, everything felt like a dream. My heart ached for Aaron.

When we got to the funeral Morgan, Aaron, Rossi, Anderson, and a few others carried it to the lowering device. They surrounded it saying some words. 

"We know that the lord is welcoming and opening his arms to Sean right now." 

God I hoped so... he should've have gone so soon. I didn't even get to meet him.

"Now if the family would like to say some words."

Aaron was the only family Sean had left. their dad died when Aaron was in high school from cancer. Their mom passed when Aaron joined the academy.

I held Jack close as Aaron stood up and walked in front of everyone, "I would just like to say that you for the people that took the time to be here. Uh..." He took a moment to collect his thoughts. 

"I- Sean had such a good heart, he had his struggles but when he overcame them.. I. was. so proud of him. Things wouldn't so easy for us as kids but I always tried my best to help and protect him. Sean became his own person and faced his fears. I didn't think I was going to be losing my brother so soon but I really hope that he is in a better place. No pain, no pressure, just bliss." 

Aaron walked away, no one else was saying anything so I walked up front. 

"I know I never met him but... from the things I've heard from Aaron he was a great guy. I know that if I'd meet him we would've been good friends." I didn't have anything else to say; when I walked back Aaron grabbed my hand holding it tightly never letting it go. That small action was the first thing he'd done all day that he initiated. 

To me it was the first sign that he was processing everything. That didn't stop the way he was acting, it was like he was just a shell, a ghost. 

As the funeral finished up we all walked back to our cars, all going our separate ways. I started to drive home when I got a call. Aarons phone was connected to the Bluetooth; I answered. 

"Aaron I would just like you to know, I want my son back okay. I have custody yo-." I cut her off.

"Hey Hayley I would just like you to know that Aaron can't come to the phone right now. He's not feeling so well right now. We both would like it very much If you fuck off and leave us the hell alone. Thank you and goodbye bitch." I hung up the phone disconnecting the phone. 

We got home Jack took a bath and I put him to bed. Aaron and I took a quick shower and went to the kitchen. He grabbed the bottle of scotch and poured himself a glass. when he finished it he got another. I cut him off at his fourth drink, I understood the need to drink but I also knew that I was going to do him Jack shit. 

"Aaron Lets go to bed", he was a little tipsy and he followed me. The alcohol numbing his pain a bit. He wen to sleep easily, with my arms wrapped around him and his head in my chest. 

__________________________

Aaron called Jacks aunt to take him while we were on cases; Hayley was still getting dealt with. I've been staying with Aaron for a few days and it has been the best so far. 

Waking up to being wrapped up in his arms the feeling of his embrace. The smell of mint when I first wake up making me relaxed. 

When I woke up I turned to face Aaron. I reached my hand out to touch him but my hand fell on the cold side of the mattress. I sat up and stretched; went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and walked to the closet. I threw on one of Aarons quarter zips and started heading to the kitchen. 

Aaron was standing there leaning on the counter holding a piece of paper. I went behind him hugging his torso, "Morning", he hummed and tossed the paper he had in his hand on the counter. "Look", I picked up the paper and read the note. 

This your new boyfriend... you can do better. Why would you ever leave; we had such a good time. Come on Bear don't do this too me.

My eyes widened slightly, "Is that who I think it is." I nodded, "That's what he used to call me." I walked to get a cup of coffee, the one thing to calm me down, "I need to call Jessica, if this turns to something bigger I don't need Jack here." Aaron called her and a few an hour later she picked up a sleepy Jack. 

"Oh I'm sorry for not saying it but... " Aaron stepped away from the island and walked up behind me, "Morning princess." I turned around taking a sip while putting up my pointer finger telling him to wait. I set down the cup and hugged him both of us smiling into the kiss. 

He picked me up and placed me on the counter, "There's something I've been wanting to ask you, so first I'm gonna start with I love you and." He took a deep breath and exhaled. 

"I want you to move in with me", I didn't expect him to ask me. We have been together for around 7 months now honestly it's been the best. He put his hand around the back of his neck, "You don't have to answer now but I will hope to ge-." I cut him off pecking his lips. 

I didn't say anything, I pulled away with a smile on my face. "Is that a yes", I nodded. "Yeah." 

The smile on his face wide and bright, "I love you so much." He kissed me cupping the side of my face and pulled away, "I know." I had a smirk on my face and pulled him towards me again. I wrapped my legs around his waist.

He slowly pushed his tongue into my mouth. The kiss being filled with love and it being censual. My hands going around his neck tugging on his hair. His hands making there way down my waist, hips, under my thighs. 

He picked me up and made our way to the bedroom. He kicked the door shut and softly laid me on the bed. I let go of him bouncing on the bed a bit before being still. He hovered over top of me looking at me in admiration. 

He held himself up while pulling the hem of the sweatshirt over my head revealing the black lace bra I had underneath. He pulled my shorts off my legs, I pulled his shirt over his head running my hands down his chest till I got to his sweatpants. He took them off kicking them on the floor, and taking off his boxers.

We chuckled and continued, he placed soft kissed down my neck to my breasts. He dropped between my thighs. His hand trailing down my stomach to my core, he gently pulled down my underwear and threw them on the floor. I felt is breath on my aching clit. I tossed my head back; the anticipation killing me. 

He licked a stripe up my slit. His tongue pushing into me applying the right amount of pressure. He took his time flicking over my clit. With certain movements I was able to conclude him writing his name into me. I arched my back and he forced my body down; keeping me still. 

Moving my hands into his hair, he moaned sending the vibrations through my body. He looked at me, "Aaro- fuck." He came back up to face me, placing a kiss on my lips. He pulled away and I could my wetness glistening on his chin. 

Bringing his hand down to his cock he pumped it a few times before brining it to my pussy. Running the tip along my slit, teasing me. He flicked his eyes at my lips and pressed ours together. He pushed into me letting me adjust before moving. He slowly pumped in and out, "Y/n." He moaned against my lips.

He picked up the pace, intertwining out hands and placing them above my head. His head rested in the crook of my neck creating hickeys along my neck. My legs wrapped around his waist had him taking me at a new angle. 

Pushing deeper hitting my g-spot repeatedly. He picked his head back up looking me and me at him. 

"You're so fucking beautiful", he took one hand out of mine and put it on my throat. He didn't apply much pressure, I loved it. He quickened his pace, using force but not pounding into me; he wanted me to feel every inch of him. This wasn't to just fuck, there was much more emotion in this. Our lives had both been fucked up and this was a coming together.

"Aaron I'm clo- close." My orgasm approached quicker than I thought.

"I know baby, I know", I pushed downwards meeting his thrusts. He removed his hand from my neck and brought it down to my clit making quick circles brining me closer. I clenched around him, he groaned at the action. "I gonn-", I moaned out, "Cum with me." I let go and so did he. 

Both of us finishing he stayed still for a moment. We both winced at the loss of contact, I had the sudden feeling of emptiness. He helped me up bringing me to the bathroom, after I was done getting into the shower. 

"I don't know what I'd do without you", I glanced at him as he was washing my hair and body. 

"Probably washing yourself", I laughed and brought his lips to mine. 

"No but seriously... I love you." He put his hands on my waist. "I know, I love you", he spoke softly to me. 

When we were done with the shower we got dressed for work, heading for the office. Getting into the elevator and going to the bullpen. Me and Aaron getting glances from Spencer, he had a smile on his face but his eyes looked a little hurt. 

I see Garcia talking to Morgan by the coffee machine. I grabbed her by her arm and pulled her aside. 

"Pen something happened this morning, he asked me to move in." I whispered being discrete while she was practically jumping up and down. "Oh my god I'm so happy for you guys", I think she was so happy because she was the only person I would talk to about it. 

I looked up and saw Aaron leaning against the railing talking to Rossi. He glanced to the rest of the bullpen and his eyes met mine. I walked away from Pen and started for my desk and started my work.  

"We have a case", the voice escaped from the glass doors and went to the briefing room. Almost all in unison we all let out exaggerated groans. "Remind me to take a vacation after this" Rossi spoke walking to the room.

"Count me in." 

"Me too."  

_____________________________

@mac99martin @donttellanyoneireadfanfiction @appleblossoms-posts @marie1115 @oreogutz 

[spookyc]

i’d love to hear about your talent swap maki (if you want to)

So glad you asked! This will probably be a long post so be prepared.

Okay so, Maki is easily my favorite character in v3 and probably in the whole series, so it only made sense she was my first swap. Maki in this au is the ultimate artist and she got into art during her time at the orphanage. Due to the stress of having to take care of the kids all the time, her friend, Hana, (yes she has a name in this au because she's way more important in this au) suggested it to help relieve her stress. Maki was skeptical at first but when she tried it she realized that it was surprisingly comforting and fun, so she continued it and found a real passion for it.

Unfortunately for her, she still has the assassins to worry about, and they had their eyes on her in this au. Originally she would have accepted the role if it meant protecting the other kids but now she wasn't so sure. She wanted to pursue her art as a career and show it to the world. But, she reluctantly accepted the fact that her art would only be posted onto the orphanage's walls. Or at least that's what she thought. See, unbeknownst to her, Hana wasn't planning on letting that happen and she would do everything in her power to prevent Maki from leaving. So, when Maki packed her things and prepared to leave with the other assassins, Hana pushed her out of the way. She then proceeded to tell the assassins that Maki was unfit to be an assassin, that Maki was too emotional and that she would make a far better candidate. The irony of course being that Hana was mostly talking about herself.

Maki fought with her and tried to convince the assassins otherwise but eventually the assassins decided on Hana and took her away. Maki was never the same after she left, always anxious and on edge. But still, she had hope that Hana would come back to her, so she waited. And waited. And waited. Until finally, after many years, Hana's training was finished. Maki eagerly stood by the door, waiting for them to open and bring Hana with them. And after an eternity, they finally did. Immediately Maki was met by the same two assassins that had taken Hana away all those years ago. And with them was a familiar face, just not the one Maki was expecting. Angie Yonaga.

See, in this au, Angie is the ultimate child caregiver as well as the ultimate assassin. She also is in the charge of the whole cult aspect of the assassin organization and sort of acts like a figurehead, but one that still works for the organization. To Maki's dismay though, no one else enters the door. She asks Angie where Hana is and Angie tells her the bad news. Hana is dead. She had died on a mission. Maki is immediately in disbelief, telling Angie that she has to be wrong. But Angie reaffirms to Maki that Hana is long gone. Then Maki goes into a rage, asking Angie why she didn't do anything. Angie says that it was out of her control and that there was nothing she could have done. But Maki refuses to believe this and this is where her hatred of Angie begins.

Deep down Maki knows that Angie isn't really responsible for this, but she blames her because she doesn't want to consider the reality of the situation. The reality of what happens to assassins when they don't return from a mission. The fact that Hana killed herself. Maki can't accept this truth and so she redirects her grief-striken anger towards Angie and believes that killing her will give her closure. But as all revenge stories go, it won't, and Maki knows that it won't but if getting rid of Angie and her organization can help ease her mind then she will do what is necessary. After the news of Hana's passing, Maki gets planning. She plans to eventually take down the assassin organization and take Angie down with it.

But she knows that she will face sure death if she faces Angie at her current state, she needs to train to prepare for their battle. So she packs her things and leaves the orphanage at night without a word. She takes to the streets and sells her art to get by, all while training at night for the day she fights Angie. Word of a talented artist begins to spread until the Ultimate Initiative hears of Maki and decides to deem her the ultimate artist. And one night after a bout of training, Maki is kidnapped in the night and brought to the Ultimate Academy and our main plot starts here.

And it's great because Maki was already pissed that she got taken to this school against her will but when she finds out that Angie is there too she is.....not pleased to say the least. But once the killing game is introduced to them, Maki gains hope again for her plan. In the first chapter she initially plans on going through with the First Blood Perk, but cannot get to Angie as she is constantly surrounded by others. After the first case though, Maki starts to spread rumors to the others about Angie being the ultimate assassin, since she's the only one that knows. Most everyone is skeptical except Kiibo (ultimate supreme leader) who is naturally suspicious of everyone and Miu (ultimate survivor) because she's always gotten "bad vibes" from Angie. But when the motive videos are introduced she is one of the big advocaters of exchanging the motive videos and is also very particular about finding out who owns Angie's. This leads to her attempting the motive screening party with everyone, working with Kiibo and Miu. Her approach is far more diplomatic than Kokichi's in the main game, simply using the power of manipulation, with help from Kiibo, to try and convince everyone to come. Haven't completely worked out everything that happens with that, but it gets stopped before they can show anything and the second case plays out. It is after the case where Maki gets a hold of Angie's video and asks Monokuma to show it to, "make things more interesting." Monokuma agrees and Angie's motive video is shown and now everyone knows that Angie is the ultimate assassin.

This leads into the third chapter with a huge divide between the group. Now Maki, Kiibo, Miu, as well as three other students have formed a sort of Anti-Angie squad. They believe that Angie is a threat and should be dealt with and prevented from participating in the killing game. The other six are the Angie Support squad who while they recognize that Angie is an assassin, they also believe that she is a student just like the rest of them and she should not be ostracized as a monster. And it's with the support of the Anti-Angie squad that Maki plans to finally go for the kill. Her plan is to use the necronomicon to revive one of the past killers and to use them as a puppet to kill Angie. Now Maki still doesn't believe in the occult, but she's so blinded by her hatred and revenge that she will utilize any measure possible if it means killing Angie.

So she works together with Shuichi, (ultimate anthropologist) and the revived person to kill Angie. This however backfires when the revived person doesn't act as planned and can't go through with killing Angie and tries to convince Maki to change her mind. She gets angry and kills the revived individual, reducing them back to ash. And right as she's about to kill Angie, she sees that she is speaking with Gonta (ultimate tennis pro/ultimate prisoner). And so, using the katana that Shuichi lended her, she sends it hurtling through Gonta's chest.

With surprising force, the sword goes in through his back and out his chest and when she pulls the sword back she leaves him to bleed out. Her eyes lock on to the horrified Angie and she makes a move towards her, until she feels something stop her. A hand digs into her shoulder and prevents her from moving. It's Shuichi. Snapping out of her frozen state, Angie takes the opportunity and makes a run for it. Maki tries to follow her but Shuichi holds her arms back. She demands him to let her go but he refuses, telling Maki that she needs to stop. Maki questions his intentions, seeing as how he was fine with the plan before. Shuichi explains that he was okay with it before innocent lives were slaughtered and he argues that if Maki is willing to go that far to see Angie die then maybe this plan isn't worth it. Seething with anger she glares daggers at Shuichi, but after some time she relaxes and pulls Shuichi into a hug.

Surprised by the gesture, he lets go of her and hugs her back giving her the perfect opportunity to impale him with his own katana. As he's coughing up blood and clutching his chest, she thinks to go after Angie, but then she observes the scene before her. At the pile of ash and the two bodies dying on the ground. An idea then forms in her mind. Why kill her myself when I can simply pin these murders on her?

And so the rest of the case plays out, her leaving Gonta's body where it laid and hiding Shuichi's in Angie's research room. She convinces the Anti-Angie squad that Angie killed Gonta and Shuichi and the trial proceeds with half of the class vehemently arguing that Angie is the killer. However with the precise detective work from Kiyo, he's able to deduce that Maki is the killer and that is where her story ends.

Well, not entirely, since Kiyo can see and hear ghosts in this au she still terrorizes and threatens him at every turn but chapter three is where her main story concludes.

I am so sorry for the length, I tend to get way too in depth with things and the addition of it being Maki doesn't help but I hope you enjoyed the read. Her plot line has been a lot of fun to come up with, its almost like a Maki villain arc in a way, like if she had went down a darker path. I've still got a few tweaks I need to make but overall I'm really proud with how her arc has come along and I appreciate being able to infodump about it, so thanks!

[goose-books]

goose-books productions: a 2020 review

view the image in higher quality here! (open the image in a new tab to zoom in.) thank you to my dearest @yvesdot for the template

transcripts and month-by-month details under the cut! for reference, you can find my projects here :-) overall, new and old followers, thank you for another good year over here! [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your hand] [holds your h

january

i spent late 2019-early 2020 working on 2019’s nano project, quark, aka the speculative fiction thing about new york city and prophets and dissections of the chosen one trope and gay people. quark is my second-oldest project (five years!), but it’s also probably the most ambitious, so it’s been... difficult to wrangle into place, and i didn’t end up finishing a first draft. oh, well.

enjoy a snippet that is devastatingly emblematic of everything about quark. the tone. the homoerotic tension. the ensemble cast all talking over each other. the fact that caelum has spent pretty much this entire scene crying. fun autopsy report meeting.

Marble stares at the notebook in Shade’s hands. Or maybe he’s staring at Shade’s hands. Dawn feels a little voyeuristic, so she does what she does and says a dumb and unrelated thing: “Augustus, I think this pizza-on-the-floor thing is hurting my ass.”

Augustus flutters his hands. “Sometimes nonconformity is painful.”

“At least we’re originals,” Caelum mumbles into his sleeve.

“Exactly,” Augustus says.

“True originality doesn’t exist,” Marble says.

“Oh,” Shade deadpans, “it’s going to be a fun autopsy report meeting.”

It isn’t.

february

in january i stressed myself out trying to make the plot of quark work. so in february, i decided to take some time and write something Entirely For Fun. like, entirely for fun, no rules. and. my god. how do i explain the project i started calling “third eye for the bad guy.”

it was an unholy mashup of many of my past hyperfixations, including the gone series, a tale of two cities, warrior cats, and the left hand of darkness. one of the characters was a canon scalie and one was a canon fictionkinnie. it centered around a polycule of wannabe-evil-overlord high schoolers. i only wrote like three chapters but i was lost in the sauce for all of february and then i just… like… wiped it from my mind and moved on? somehow??? one character was a werewolf and that literally wasn’t relevant at ALL

I.

Someone was going to die on these steps.

This had been Ivy Lee Palomo’s thought last year during the all-school photo, and it rose in her mind again now. The one hundred marble stairs leading up to the great double doors of Saint Constantine Academy were the school’s pride and glory, steep as the mountain, sharp as the blade under Ivy Lee’s skirt. With the cutting wind and snow glazing the stone more often than not, with the freshmen wild and wired on their first day of their first year, it was really only a matter of time before someone slipped and cracked their fucking head open.

It wasn’t going to be her. Not when she had Doc Martens and reflexes like an electric coil. Still. Ivy Lee didn’t want to watch someone die. She didn’t get along with dead people.

march

in march, i got back to the project i’d started in 2019 - AMT, my podcast! it’s a shakespeare retelling set in a modern high school; this excerpt is funnier and also more unnerving in context. (double, double, toil and trouble...)

INDRAJIT: What the hell are you doing?

[PAUSE.]

DEE (like she’s lying): Making pasta.

[ALL THREE OF THEM LAUGH.]

NONA: That’s right.

MORA: We have the keys to Mab’s office.

DEE: We’re using her stove.

NONA: To make pasta.

DEE: Do you want some?

[A TENSE PAUSE.]

INDRAJIT: No.

april

and darkling rears its head! all of my other projects have existed for at least a year; darkling (specfic king lear retelling) is... special. it was conceived in april, when i started hyperfixating on king lear, and i still managed to write an absolutely ridiculous amount of content for it. it was like the power of hyperfixation let me speedrun the entire process. which. okay.

iv: control

They say Cressida Stayer was nine years old when she turned her hair to gold. They laid her down in bed blonde, and the next morning, the waves cascading down her shoulders were solid metal, glinting harshly in the sunlight, weighing her down, creating that odd head-cocked expression she still wears now. Nine years old. Two or three years before most people develop enough magic skills to dye a single curl. Much less transfigure their hair into precious metal.

People also say Leovald Stayer’s immediate reaction was to hack it off her head and melt it down for cash. But generally they say that part a lot quieter.

may

in may i wrote AMT episode 15, by which i mean that in may there was a day when i sat in my room with the door shut for literally five straight hours listening to the same three songs on loop as i wrote the climax of one of the plotlines of AMT. so. that sure was… a day.

ISAAC: Do you want… do you want someone to drive you home? Hawk, you’re worrying me -

HAWK (almost cutting him off): Don’t. Don’t say that. I’m here to help. With your… thing.

ISAAC (quietly): I… don’t know if you should be here to see this.

HAWK (a little louder, more audibly upset): Well - what else am I going to do? Go home and - and have my dads talk at me and - and not be able to answer them? Because I can’t? I can’t. I don’t know what to say.

[PAUSE.]

ISAAC (V.O.): I wonder if this is what he feels like, on the outside, looking in at me. Watching someone else hurting. Helpless and afraid.

He still fits perfectly in my arms. I rest my chin on top of his head and pull him close to me, like I can stop him from shaking, like I can stop anything from happening the way I know it’s going to. I bury my face in his hair. He smells so familiar. He’s so warm.

God, Hawk. I love you so much. You shouldn’t be here to see this. Something bad’s gonna happen. And you’re not the kind of person who belongs in a tragedy.

june

okay, honestly, i should talk about “night shift” here, because in june i wrote a whole short story in one night (and then foamed over it for a week), but i am still in the process of submitting it places! so i am terrified to put even a sentence of it online. instead: the other thing i did this month was to finish AMT! (sixteen episodes and somewhere around 175k, iirc, but don’t quote me.) these lines are the opener to the final episode!

RAHMA (V.O.): The combined series of sophomore year disasters stretched through November. It’s June now. It’s taken me… a long time to get this all put together. I was going to make a vlog about it, initially - well, calling it a vlog sounds frivolous. I was going to make a video recounting the whole deal. All of it. From when I kissed Avery Fairchilde to the very last night. I scripted dozens of drafts; I put together dozens of bullet-pointed lists of what to cover… and it was never enough. Because Avery and I weren’t the only ones involved. Even if I was only focused on the two of us, it wasn’t just the two of us.

So… I gathered up everyone else. The whole town of Ellisburg is still talking about the week the town went crazy, but it wasn’t just a week. There was a lot leading up to it. And I think if anyone’s going to talk about it, it should be us. The people who lived it. So here we are. The most ambitious Rahma Ashiq production of all time - at least so far.

july

every july i pause whatever else i’m doing to celebrate the birthday of aurum & argentate, twins from my oldest and dearest WIP The Mortal Realm. july fifteenth! mark your calendars. they’re princes, though argentate would really rather not be; you can read the full birthday piece here.

“Do you… plan to get dressed?” A bit of the usual humor crept back into Aurum’s voice. “Although if you want to speak to the kingdom in your underthings, by all means, you have my full support.”

Argentate scrubbed at his face. He wasn’t dressed, no, but the usual malaise hung over his shoulders like a cloak. Guilt. Nerves. The sick sense that he hadn’t done something he was supposed to. The numb knowledge that it was too late to change a thing.

“I meant to,” he said. “Get dressed, I mean.” The rest went unsaid: I have just been sitting here. On the floor. Thinking about how I should get dressed.

“Ah,” Aurum said, extending his hand. “The traditional route. We’ll save the nude speeches for the future, then.”

Argentate took his hand, stumbling a little as Aurum pulled him to his feet. He steadied himself on the closest wall, taking a few deep breaths. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. His hands found their way to the cross, again and again.

august

this summer, i wrote an entire draft of Valentine Van Velt is Dead, AKA “holden caulfield goes to exposure therapy,” AKA the weird little personal side project i keep tucked into my coat. interesting features include second-person narration from a narrator who doesn’t like the main character all that much. so reading it is kind of like the book wants to kill you? with an added dash of general melancholy.

You used to live here. That’s the thing that’s got you feeling so off.

You didn’t recognize your old house. I mean, you kind of did. You remembered that the road was on a hill. That hill felt like a goddamn forty-five degree angle when you were a kid. But if you didn’t have the address written down you wouldn’t have known it at all. It would have been just another little suburban house in rows of perfect little towns that make your skin crawl.

So now you’re in this diner looking out a gross smudgy window trying to block out the elevator music pumping through the speakers in the ceiling or whatever. I don’t know how speakers work. You’re trying to tune that shit out. The waitress comes over and catches you by surprise so you just point at some coffee thing on the menu so she’ll go away. For the record: you don’t drink coffee.

There’s a public library across the street. A little square building. You probably used to go there. The lady comes over and thunks your coffee on the table and gives you a kind of look, like she wants to know what in the goddamn hell you think you’re doing here and not at school. You sip your coffee and look out the window until she leaves you alone again. And then you spit it back into the cup because, for the record: you don’t drink coffee.

september

i spent september and october prepping for nano, so i was mostly working on darkling...

It’s late spring; still, at this time of night, on a rooftop, there’s a chill. The wind plays with the end of Ruby’s coat, with her hair. She hands the bottle off to Jasper, stares up at the fogged-over sky, wishes she were lying in Dany’s arms in Dany’s bed instead of here. Wishes, even, that Dany were the one on the roof with her. At least then they’d be cold together. At least then she wouldn’t have to imagine what Dany would say; she could just listen, and watch Dany’s flashing smile and her flinty eyes.

(She cuddles. This is another thing Dany does that Dany probably shouldn’t do, based on everything about Dany; it’s not like rattlesnakes cuddle. But Dany likes to nuzzle into Ruby’s side and rest her head on Ruby’s collarbones and toss an arm over Ruby’s chest, and hold her down like she’s worried she’ll float off somewhere. She’ll card her fingers through Ruby’s hair and hum. Even though they could get caught, even though she’s probably got better places to be - Dany cuddles.)

Ruby imagines it, momentarily, both of them on the roof together, sprawled like horrifyingly beautiful gargoyles, sharp teeth flashing, blood running hot. Up here - it’d be like they ruled the world.

But whatever. Jasper’s fun. He’s hot. He’s got a sharp tongue in a lot more ways than one. And she likes when he lets the mask down. She likes seeing the soft bits underneath. She wants to sink her teeth and nails into them so hard she draws blood. Masks don’t bleed. Ruby would know; that’s why she is what she is.

october

...though i was also in creative writing class in school, and thus ended up writing a bunch of poems of varying quality (my teacher had a real thing for poetry) and also one darklingverse short story where rory and cressida hold hands! which you can find here.

Lorelai Rory Flowers is afraid of thunder.

This is a bit of an embarrassing thing to admit, as they’re seventeen (“at least seventeen,” they like to tell people, “maybe two hundred, who’s to say?”) and generally wise beyond their years, or whatever it is that adults say about kids with too much psychological baggage. Being afraid of thunder is not a very wise-beyond-one’s-years trait. And yet the state of affairs remains: loud noises make Rory want to melt into the earth. Back when they still went to school, even the fire alarm sent them scuttling under their desk to hide.

Right now, in the elevator, all they can do is shrink into their sweater.

They haven’t let go of Cressida’s hand yet.

november

and then november of course was nano which was an adventure all the way through. (opening tumblr on the fifth day of nano to find out about d*stiel... was something.)

“Apologize to me. Or get out of my house.”

Gracen’s voice is very, very low. For a moment she thinks he hasn’t heard her at all. Then he spins, eyes blazing. “What did you say?”

Gracen watches her own chest heave. She pushes herself up off the desk, stands with the effort of pushing a mountain off of her back. Leovald is six-foot-four. Gracen is six-foot-two. In her heels, in the heels she must wear to be a professional woman, to be a lady - they are the same height.

Gracen wipes her nose. When she lowers her arm, there’s a streak of blood across the back of her hand. Fire shivers in her chest; her heart rings in her ears; her voice could cut steel.

“I said,” she says, low, slow, volume building, “apologize to me. Or get. Out. Of. My. House.”

december

and finally, the poem i posted this year! it’s called the beast sonnet, and you can find it in its own post over here (with commentary! how sexy.)

i kill the beast and drop down to my knees, my blade stained dark with blood of stygian hue, and for a moment these scarred hands shake free, and hold a world unfurled for me anew. but once-mourned victims, victors, vices find; fear winged me; now its absence strips me bare. my sword now dulls, my legs, my voice, my mind; the beast, pried from my throat, leaves no skill there. and still i hear it laugh, O DEVOTEE— O CHILD DEAR, NO GLORY WITHOUT ME.

i was quite productive this year; i have to think it was because i was avoiding things... the peak of my productivity happened over the summer and in november, AKA, college app hell. (almost done with the last applications! pray for me.)

a general breakdown of what occupied me this year:

(no, i don’t know why the “various other things” category ended up so large... i blame all the one-off projects i wrote a single page for, and also whatever the fuck happened in february. yes, i do know why it looks hideous; it’s because each of my WIPs has a theme color

thank you once again for spending some time at goose-books dot gov this year! what to expect for next year: well, i very much hope i can produce AMT... also hoping to get darkling ready for beta readers, so keep your eyes out!

[stella-monstrum]

“Autopsy of Jane Doe”[ IFC MIDNIGHT, 2016] [Rated R]

(Review & My Parallel Film Theory)

(NSFW CONTENT AND POTENTIAL SPOILERS)

(Written by Stella, edited by Jacob J.)

No matter the genre, the independent film industry holds many hidden gems within it. Studio IFC has been in the game for close to twenty years now, but it wasn’t until 2010 that it unveiled its plans for their “Midnight” collection and genre.

“Many of our most successful VOD titles are those that might fall under the Midnight label – not just films that are straight up horror, erotic arthouse, or genre films, but also ones that shock audiences, push boundaries, and stir up controversy – so officially creating IFC Midnight was the logical next step,” President of IFC Entertainment Jonathan Sehring in a statement. (SOURCE: indiewire.com // HERE)

But the focus in this article will be solely on the horror genre, specifically the 2016 supernatural/horror/thriller standout The Autopsy of Jane Doe. My review, thoughts, and analysis will include some changes I would have made to change the story itself.  Now, full disclaimer, my changes and reimagining will not affect my rating on the film overall, per se.

-------------------------------------------------

[REVIEW]

One thing that was honestly a surprise (albeit a pleasant one) was how small the cast actually was. Whilst there are ten actors and actresses listed on the IMDb page, the film focuses on only five of them, eventually whittling the action down to three. My honest thought? “With such a small amount of people only being focused on, this will get boring quickly.” But boy, I was 100% wrong in that assumption. If ANYTHING, it only intensified every moment on, Add in dramatic references, film scoring, and film aesthetics? It was just icing on the creep cake.

---------------

Let’s begin with the cast and breakdown of the story:

Brian Cox and Emile Hersch as father-son coroner duo Tommy and Austin Tilden

Ophelia Lovibond as Emma, Austin’s girlfriend

Olwen Kelly as Jane Doe

Michael McElhatton as Sheriff Burke (an albeit brief focus)

Left to right: Austin, Emma and Tommy (Screencap, Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016)

~~~~~~

From the beginning of the film, you are immediately immersed within a brutal crime scene. It seems fairly straightforward in what appears to be a triple homicide. I was taken by (delighted) surprise that it kicked off at such a fast pace, so much so that I physically felt that I’d lost my footing (while sitting). But as the police and forensic team further search the home for evidence, they wind up finding a pristinely preserved and very nude corpse, one only partially covered in dirt down in the basement. This new revelation doesn’t fit what they’ve pinned down to be a homicide.

Enter a quieter and uneventful small town setting. Here we are introduced to Austin and Tommy Tilden, running a very small coroner business out of the basement of their home (blasting rock and roll from the radio whilst they do their job—a very cool touch.) Austin comes off as a young adult who doesn’t want to be stuck in this small town, let alone in this profession. He feels bad since father Tommy is otherwise alone and widowed. 

The Tilden home/business (Screencap, Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016)

~~~~

Austin’s girlfriend Emma comes in to pick him up after his shift for a date they had planned. (This part plays into my reimagining later.) Emma sneaks up to scare Austin, then begs and pleads with him to let her see a dead body and what they do for a living. Austin flat out refuses, but then his dad allows Emma to pick one to view. Tommy also explains that they keep bells around the ankles of some corpses (a practice with origins in an old wives’ tale: if the person isn’t dead, the bell will jingle). Austin gets back at Emma by ringing the bell on one of the bodies to scare her, and she threatens that he “won’t be getting laid.” (Emma comes off as a very strong type—and not in a flattering chemistry way)

Just as they’re about to leave for their date, Sheriff Burke comes in with an urgent request: they have 24hrs to perform the autopsy of the Jane Doe found in the opening scene. Austin decides that, with the urgency and his guilt, to stay behind and assist, asking Emma to come back later.

As they perform what they thought would be just another autopsy to find clues as to how or why Jane Doe met her end, things get very eerie and strange. These events elicit goosebumps: from a shift in music to a creepily upbeat version of the McGuire Sisters’ 1954 song “Let the Sunshine In,” to an awful storm coming in seemingly out of nowhere, knocking a tree into the cellar exit, trapping the Tildens inside. The family cat gets killed. The bodies in the morgue awaken. The power goes out. These usually run-of-the-mill supernatural tropes are 100 times more dramatic with the focus only on the two men.

While they examine Jane layer by layer, her fingerprints are nowhere to be found in their system, and her trauma and, injuries in total, do not seem to match up with the crime.

Peat soil from “up northeast” found under her fingernails

No outward visible signs of marking or bruising

Broken wrists and ankles

Ripped out tongue

Mutilated genitalia

Missing tooth (which was force fed to her in a cloth with a ritualistic sigil in it)

Flower with paralyzing properties (and not native to the area) in her stomach

Horribly burned lungs and internal organs covered in scar tissue. 

A very much active brain

Roman numerals and symbols carved into her skin

Markings on the cloth alluding to Leviticus 20:27 (which condemns witches) and the year 1693 (a reference to the Salem Witch Trials)

Austin and Tommy do not come out of this unscathed—or alive, for that matter. While trying to escape in the elevator when being chased by one of the belled-up corpses, Tommy hacks away at it in the dark. But, once the power comes back on, it is revealed to be Emma. Tommy gets attacked by unseen forces (since he is the one primarily performing the exam). They finally reveal that Jane Doe was likely thought to be a witch during the Trials, but the people who performed the ritual were horribly wrong—and ended up turning her into the very thing they sought to destroy. Tommy pleads with the witch to take him as long as she leaves Austin alone, and all of her horrific injuries get transferred to the elder Tilden, leaving Austin to put his father out of misery. Austin, however, gets spooked by a hallucination (provided by Jane) of his dead father on the stairs leading up to the exit. He falls and snaps his neck.

The next day, Jane Doe is in pristine form on the exam table. The Sheriff cannot understand what could have happened since he’d known the Tilden’s for so long, and decides to send Jane off to the next county. The ending features Jane being transferred into the van, a creepily upbeat song playing once again.

All in all, if I were nitpicking, the only real complaint I’d have is that some of the suspenseful moments were drawn out a few seconds too long. On top of that, they shouldn’t have killed off the family cat, Stanley. That said, if you’re into supernatural thrillers or just looking for a film for date night, this would certainly be one to consider. 

(7/10 stabs)  🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪 🔪

(Reimagining AHEAD)

▬▬ι══════════════ι▬▬

Now after watching the film, I got to thinking. This is my reimagining of sorts, and a theory that they could have used to cash in on a continuation:

Let us rewind a little bit. Remember Emma? Think back to this scene specifically: 

(I do NOT own the rights to this clip, simply sharing for viewing to set the scene)

༺═──────────────═༻

In this parallel theory there are a few points of change that come to mind initially:

1. Tommy has a more stubborn personality, absolutely and flat out refusing to let Emma see the cadavers

As he (Tommy) shoos Emma out, that is when the Sheriff urgently brings in Jane Doe. Austin convinces his father to let Emma stick around. Tommy then has the attitude of, “If she wants to see a dead body we’ll let her see the entire process.”

Jane’s body gets taken into the Tilden’s business. (Screencap, Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016)

Whilst the Tilden’s are performing the examination, Emma begins to get bored (before shit gets weird and they essentially awaken Jane’s warnings)

2. When things slowly proceed to get horrific, the further that they get into things, Emma touches the ritual cloth that was used to force-feed Jane her molar, then Austin scolds her for touching evidence.

Progressively after touching the ritual cloth, Emma begins to get very sick. This not only adds an anxiety-inducing level of conflict on top of having to deal with Jane Doe’s unfolding evil, but also provides a deeper layer to the film.

Austin and Tommy examine the ritual cloth. (Screencap, Autopsy of Jane Doe, 2016)

The more that they poke, prod, and try to fight Jane, the worse Emma’s condition gets. Austin has to drag her along whilst also trying to protect his father from the witch’s attacks.

3. You get to the point of looming dread when it becomes clear that Austin cannot save his father, and seemingly Emma as well. (Also fuck it that the cat stays alive and alerts Austin of danger, cause why not?)

After Tommy begs Austin to kill him once all of Jane’s injuries transfer to the elder Tilden (VIEW HERE); Emma’s eyes become clouded like Jane’s.

While Austin tries everything that he can to keep Emma comfortable, he tries to perform a ritual himself to destroy the evil brought in. 

4. For Austin’s final attempt, he burns Jane in the incinerator. 

Jane Doe is far from done causing harm and suffering. When she is burned, Emma takes her place. Seemingly, her magic makes the sheriff believe that Emma was the one that was brought in.

Tommy’s death is made look like a suicide.

Since the Tildens only had 24 hours to solve this case, the Sheriff understands that Austin couldn’t get the job done due to the loss of his father. But rules are rules, and he’s forced to transfer Jane Doe’s (now Emma’s) cadaver to the next county. 

While she’s being taken out and Austin is being asked protocol police questions, the eerie song plays on the radio.

5. Austin knows that he has to hunt Emma’s cursed body into the next county. (And takes the cat with him, because the cat didn’t need to die.)

■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■

Who would LOVE to see a sequel like this?!

[caribouwritings]

Sub-Zero

           I was only three when my older brother Eddie died. He had a brain tumor; he died a couple weeks after my birthday and a couple weeks before his.

          He did just as he told our mom when he said, “I stay four.”

          On June 27th, my big brother was gone at age four.

***

           My parents tried to give me a happy life. They gave me privileges that some kids are not as lucky enough to have (such as a vacation almost every year). Despite what the therapist had said when the event happened, I was damaged and it was only a matter of time before it would all show in forms that got glossed over repeatedly.

I didn’t just lose my brother, I lost my best friend, my protector, my guide… I lost my Eddie.

           Although I can now say it and not think much of it, I still cry at the thought I was cheated out of a big brother to teach me the ropes and take my hand when I was scared.

           Senior year of high school was the hardest. I was graduating (on that day fifteen years later) and my brother did not even make it to kindergarten, which he was so excited for because he’d get to ride a bus; His favorite thing in life besides me, our family, Scooby-Doo, and Donald Duck was anything with an engine.

           I outlived my brother who knew what he wanted (it could’ve changed in time, but it would still involve cars and trucks), and I had panicked. I believed people when they told me I would be a great English teacher. I wanted to be a writer, but everyone kept saying I am a teacher at heart. There was just a couple teeny tiny (major) problems:  I hate school (and still do), I am very selective with what I choose to read, and I don’t talk unless I want to or need to.

            Kudos to those who teach, but I’d rather not go back. School for me was where I had my individuality constantly beaten out of me, I was bullied by other students for who I was, have been accused and associated with things I am not, and my mental health got worse.

           However, being non-confrontational, I just nodded my head and let myself be pushed to a major I did not want and watched as I slowly went downhill, and crossed paths with someone a little bit before graduation who is just like me… sort of.

           I was looking for some new games to play that are like Street Fighter II. While watching a Top Ten Best Fighting Games of All Time video on YouTube, the channel (Watchmojo) ranked a video game called Mortal Kombat (2011) at number two, right next to Street Fighter II which placed number one. When I saw the game on clearance at Walmart, I put it in the cart with the plan to take over the unused Xbox 360 in the living room bought by my parents’ for the Kinect feature. My mom did not care anymore, she was just grateful that the expensive gaming system collecting dust under the TV stand was finally being used.

           I played through several kombatants (yes, with a ‘K’, most ‘C’ starting words are replaced with a ‘K’) in the Ladder Fights and Test Your Luck challenges for hours enjoying the blood and gruesome moves.

            I oddly kept finding myself drawn to Sub-Zero, the blue ice assassin (don’t call them ninjas, they find it highly insulting). I didn’t know why though; I couldn’t figure out why I thought the man with ice powers was intriguing. Curious by nature, I did what I do with everything else I found fascinating, I dug for all the information I could find. It didn’t matter how useless and random, I wanted to know everything about the world of Mortal Kombat, and I now know a huge chunk of it.

           Sub-Zero’s real name is Kuai Liang, and he was originally called Tundra. He is the younger brother of Bi-Han, the first Sub-Zero in the series, and Kuai Liang took the name Sub-Zero after his brother’s death to honor him. That was the only similarity I thought we had, but I was so wrong… I was so wrong.

           Mortal Kombat is super violent. The two ice powered brothers are best known for a fatality where they rip the head and spine out of their enemy opponent, both parts still attached together like a twisted party trick (and this is also the main origin to the ERSP rating system in video games). I am not even strong enough to lift a twenty pound puppy without nearly dropping the stubborn Shepard Labrador mix back on the ground with a thump. Plus there’s the other stuff on the surface:  blonde Caucasian female with an olive shade of green eyes, a bubbly persona and pink girly appearance, versus a dark haired Chinese American male with icy blue eyes, a cold persona and super violent history.

           “He is just a video game character, he is not real. You don’t need to care this much for this fictional character.”

           I know that. Kuai Liang is not real, but his story is real to me.

           Kuai Liang went through hell. Everything bad that could have happened, did happen to him. He lost his brother when Scorpion—the wraith of the NetherRealm (and the franchise’s fan favorite character)—killed him in retaliation for killing the whole Shirai Ryu clan, his kind-hearted wife, and innocent baby boy (spoiler alert, it wasn’t Bi-Han at all! Scorpion was tricked into killing an innocent man!). Wanting to avenge his brother’s death, and avoid the Lin Kuei’s new cyber-initiative their Grandmaster was keen on, Kuai Liang and his best friend, Smoke, ran away to find the answers to what happened to Bi-Han. Right when our new Sub-Zero nearly has his revenge and is to kill Scorpion, he is stopped and surrounded by members of his former clan who have been converted from human to cyborg; despite the robotic outsides and still human insides, they are brainwashed to obey like full-fledged robots. He is taken back to the clan and suffers the same fate of being turned into a cyborg and is renamed LK-520, then sent after Smoke who managed to get away. Lucky for both of them, cyber-Sub-Zero is knocked unconscious and Smoke gets help from his new allies to reset Kuai Liang, but although he gets his control back, he is now stuck as a mashup of man and machine. Until (in a rushed scene of the game) he is killed and his soul is sent to the Netherrealm where he is rebuilt from what is left of his remaining bits of human organs and bone inside his robotic shell. Although human again, he is now under the mind control of the sorcerer, Quan Chi (spoiler alert! He’s the real person behind Scorpion’s suffering!), and is now working alongside both the man who framed his brother and the man who murdered his brother, along with several of his new allies that died as well. In the tenth game, he is freed from Quan Chi’s control by being in the right place at the right time (and by also being a fan favorite character too).

           That should be the end of it, but it’s not. This is right before I realized how perfectly Kuai Liang’s life parallels mine. This is before I read the comics.  

           Like I said, I get invested in stories to the point I want to find out everything I can. When I found all three volumes of the comic series on Amazon, I couldn’t resist and I bought all three.

           When UPS came to deliver the package, I brought it straight to my room plopping the brown cardboard box on my bed, and cut the tape open with a pink mechanical pencil. I didn’t care for the other two books I bought (except enough to hide the one I bought for my little sister’s birthday in the closet) because there they were. Volumes one, two, and three were at the bottom of the box under giant green bags of air that are satisfying to stomp on and give unsuspecting siblings heart attacks, but that was unimportant in this moment. I took the three volume books out and spread them on my bed, and dived right into the unknown; into the rebuild of the Shirai Ryu, the second generation of klassic characters, and what happened to those who lived or were brought back like Sub-Zero.

           Sub-Zero, at this point, was my favorite character. In volume two, however, there was a shift in my view of him. In that shift, he became my number one favorite character ever and sealed his place into that spot permanently.

           Kuai Liang had become possessed by a cursed dagger in the previous volume, and it continued into volume two. Scorpion (he is a good guy now… sort of) and his apprentice, Takeda, go after him and get the dangerous dagger back, but the curse makes it hard for Scorpion to reason with Kuai Liang. Scorpion becomes frustrated and the two fight to what they believe to be the death, until Takeda manages to get the dagger away. Kuai Liang exhausts out all the remaining evil within him, and then is left standing there perplexed by why he is there and what is going on. It doesn’t matter to Scorpion though, he still beats the bewildered young Sub-Zero to a bloody pulp and leaves him to die.

           Kuai Liang rethinks his life as he lays their bleeding out, so when Bo’ Rai Cho (ew, trust me on this one, just ew) comes to him to help him get back on his feet, he asks him, “you haven’t figured out what all these events mean? Why I’m here?”

           Kuai Liang’s answer is, “I must commit hara kiri…”

           There. There it is. Right there. That is the line that made me see I am more like Sub-Zero than I thought I was.

           We lost our older brothers, we lost our individuality, we were beaten, we were bullied, we were brainwashed, we took orders, we went down wrong paths, we battled the world, we battled ourselves, and we took so much of a beaten that we laid in our own blood, sweat, and tears thinking “I must commit hara kiri…”

           What is hara kiri? To simplify, it is suicide.

           I remember putting the comic down on my stuff animal infested bed and staring at the lavender colored walls, looking at the big picture. Sub-Zero is a strong warrior with ice powers, and he hit rock bottom. He may be physically stronger than me, but he is just as broken and weak as me on the inside. He put up a shield, hiding behind his anger just like I hid behind my smile.

           I picked up the comic again, and skipped frantically through the pages of volume three just to get to Kuai Liang and find the answers. What did he do and how did he survive to be in the next game?

           It is complicated and complex, but the answer is different based on how you interpret his story. I obviously interpreted it well, because I am here. I am okay.

[scarlet-it-was]

folklore for evermore: the ruby x christina edition

combining two of my favorite things: taylor swift and fandom. here are the lyrics and headcanons that are giving me life from the summer/autumn sister albums; reylo & msr editions to follow

cardigan

you drew scars around my stars

but now i’m bleeding

but i knew you

stepping on the last train

marked me like a bloodstain

i knew you

tried to change the ending

peter losing wendy

...you put me on and said I was your favorite

I’d be remiss not to include this as the first in the list considering I’m writing a fic and using specific lyrics as the fic name and chapter titles. If you’re interested, you can find it here: You Drew Stars Around My Scars

my tears ricochet

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed

You turned into your worst fears

When I think of the...distinctly disappointing end of the series, these last lines come to mind. Even though I don’t really believe that Christina killed Ruby—but if she had, she definitely turned into her worst fears, which was ultimately being as much of a failure as her father.

this is me trying

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

Headcanon: Christina has been resurrected in some fashion, perhaps by the Mark of Cain, or a secondary magic trap she set just in case things went to hell. This finds her regretting her choices, contemplating her next steps, if she even wants to take them, but ultimately, ends up finding Ruby.

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here Pouring out my heart to a stranger But I didn't pour the whiskey

Headcanon (cont): Ruby proved time and time again in the show that she knows exactly how to cut right to the center of a person with her words, and I’m sure over the years, she’s said some regrettable things to her sister (not that they were undeserved). Ruby also put in the effort to take the classes and make herself as an attractive candidate as possible for her ‘dream job’ and when she finally is ready—she finds a thin, light-skinned Tamara has been hired. And the rest of the story in the little bar scene—she and William didn’t stay strangers for long.

mad woman

And there's nothing like a mad woman

What a shame she went mad

No one likes a mad woman

You made her like that

And you'll poke that bear 'til her claws come out

And you find something to wrap your ***** around

And there's nothing like a mad woman

Really applicable to both parties who were both oppressed by patriarchy (both) and whiteness (Ruby). I censored one of the words because I’m not comfortable using that word in reference to a POC, but the Swifties know what it is. Anyway, you end up with two women who are willing to ‘go the distance’ so to speak to get what they want and not be interrupted because of the bodies and skin they were born in.

peace

But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm

If your cascade, ocean wave blues come

All these people think love's for show

But I would die for you in secret

The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me

Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

Headcanon: In spite of her money and magic, there’s a certain amount of peace that she’ll never be able to give Ruby in part because she can’t (and doesn’t want, nor does Ruby want) for her to take away her blackness. The flip side is that Christina’s ambition will likely always put them in harm’s way to an extent. But at the end of the day, in spite of Leti’s accusations that Ruby is being used, Christina is the only one who is up front with her 100% of the time regardless of how it comes out. She always comes through for Ruby.

Hoax

My best laid plan

Your sleight of hand

My barren land

I am ash from your fire

Stood on the cliffside screaming, "Give me a reason"

Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in

Headcanon: a sadder and more cynical take on if Ruby had betrayed Christina in the finale (which I still don’t think she would have, but it wasn’t my show and I didn’t write that ending) which did in fact wreck her best laid plans with Ruby’s bait and switch of seducing Christina in her natural body instead of William’s—leaving Christina dead at the end of the series.

willow

Life was a willow, and it bent right to your wind

They count me out time and time again

Life was a willow, and it bent right to your wind

But I come back stronger than a '90s trend

Including this lyrics specifically because it reminds me of one of my favorite AU fics, Leave It To The Davenports – if you haven’t checked out this WIP, it is a ride you don’t want to miss.

gold rush

Gleaming, twinkling

Eyes like sinking ships on waters

So inviting, I almost jump in

I don't like a gold rush, gold rush

I don't like anticipatin' my face in a red flush

Walk past, quick brush

I don't like slow motion, double vision in rose blush

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

Everybody wants you

But I don't like a gold rush

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominoes

I see me padding across your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit

Headcanon: The last line specifically reminds me of Ruby snarking at Christina about being late and in return being called demanding. But also, overall, it captures the feeling of Ruby initially being distrustful of William’s affections towards her specifically when there are any number of women he could be with.

no body no crime

Headcanon: The whole damn song is my murder wives anthem.

happiness

Past the blood and bruise Past the curses and cries Beyond the terror in the nightfall Haunted by the look in my eyes That would've loved you for a lifetime Leave it all behind And there is happiness

I can't make it go away by making you a villain

I guess it's the price I paid And I pulled your body into mine Every goddamn night

There'll be happiness after you

But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide

There is a glorious sunrise

Dappled with the flickers of light

Headcanon: Misleading song title in a way. This is what I’m dealing with in chapter 3 of my fic in the wake of Christina’s death and the process of Ruby moving on and finding happiness on her own. The writers Lovecraft Country tried really hard to make Christina a hateable villain, and I suppose through the lens of straight up hating white people, they may have done that for some viewers. They failed to give her any real Big Bad qualities though outside of manipulation and apathy—which while those aren’t shining character traits for her, it doesn’t make her the best (worst?) option for being the overarching antagonist. We had villains literally chopping people up and sewing them together, but Christina was the bad guy? Nah, I think not

long story short

Fatefully

I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me

Misery

Like the war of words I shouted in my sleep

And you passed right by

I was in the alley, surrounded on all sides

The knife cuts both ways

If the shoe fits, walk in it 'til your high heels break And I fell from the pedestal

Right down the rabbit hole

Long story short, it was a bad time

Pushed from the precipice

No more keepin' score

Now I just keep you warm 

No more tug of war

Now I just know there's more 

And my waves meet your shore

Ever and evermore When I dropped my sword

I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door

And we live in peace

But if someone comes at us, this time, I'm ready Long story short, I survived

Headcanon: based on the idea that Christina survives, but does in fact have her magic stripped from her and is reflecting on the time period and going forward how she will protect her and Ruby’s relationship going forward by critics (like Leti) who would make Ruby choose between them.

Evermore

Hey December

Guess I'm feeling unmoored

Can't remember

What I used to fight for

I rewind thе tape but all it does is pause

On thе very moment, all was lost

Sending signals

To be double-crossed

And I was catching my breath

Barefoot in the wildest winter

Catching my death

And I couldn't be sure

I had a feeling so peculiar

That this pain would be for

Evermore

And when I was shipwrecked (Can't think of all the cost)

I thought of you (All the things that will be lost now)

In the cracks of light (Can we just get a pause?)

I dreamed of you (To be certain we'll be tall again, if you think of all the costs)

It was real enough (Whether weather be the frost)

To get me through (Or the violence of the dog days) (Or the violence of the dog days)

(Out on waves, being tossed)

(I'm on waves, out being tossed)

I swear (Is there a line that we can just go cross?)

You were there

And I was catching my breath

Floors of a cabin creaking under my step

And I couldn't be sure

I had a feeling so peculiar

This pain wouldn't be for

Evermore

Headcanon: Specific to You Drew Stars Around My Scars and Ruby’s grief in the early chapters and how she feels that the grief is impossible to move past when she thinks back about the months that the two of them spent getting to know each other as friends and lovers. She uses magic to connect with Christina even when she’s not there.

[eagles-translated]

Q&A answers from creator and producer Stefan H. Lindén!

Here are the answered questions that all you guys sent in to Stefan. I’d like to thank all of you who sent in questions, and I’d also like to thank Stefan for being the one who offered to do a Q&A and taking the time to answer all the fans’ questions. This post got really long (almost 5000 words including your questions haha) so I put a keep reading line on this. Anyway, Stefan’s answers were super interesting to read, so enjoy! 🥅🏒

Thanks for your question. My idea has always been that Ludde was blown away by Felicia and that he really likes her but that they both initially interacted and met to go swimming because Felicia knew it would piss her dad off and Ludde knew that it might throw Elias off, since they were competing for the same position in the team. However after that, they really fell for each other. So he is very interested in her and so is she – however as of now in Season 2, Felicia’s behavior has thrown Ludde off since Felicia is still very angry with him due to Halloween and the reveal at Christmas.

Without telling to much on what’s ahead, the build up of Elias and Amies potential relationship from season 1 does matter and will play a role down the line of the series. But with that said Eagles has always, in my vision for the series been a 4-5 season concept. I did answer the question regarding Amie and Elias below in a longer format – it contains a little more info on the matter.

Will try to avoid potential spoilers but I can confirm that from the beginning of development of the series and the first version of the storyline a triangle drama was at some point intended for season 1 but later removed  – however when creating the characters, Ludvigs skill in music and arts was always there from the beginning so by knowing that, we always knew that interactions would appear between them. When looking back at Season 1, in the first scene by the lockers when Amie tells Felicia who Ludvig is, she does know exactly who he is and she is well aware of that his friend Tobias is a music guy that Amie wants to get to know. Also when looking at it, when I was the same age as Ludvig and Amie I, and I am sure a lot of people can relate to it, fact is that we never really knew if it was love or friendship in the beginning.

Actually my favorite NHL-team is the Boston Bruins and when writing the first version of the pilot episode for the show Boston was my choice of team. Back when I graduated high school my girlfriend, now my wife was an Au-pair outside of Boston so I visited the city for a couple of months. Later when I studied in Los Angeles I had a friend playing hockey in New Hampshire, where me and my wife spend one Christmas and paid regular visits to Boston. So it’s a town that I share a special connection with and that have a hockey team that I really love.

Thanks for your question, hope you watch season 2 soon. In my opinion her storyline is clearer this season than it was in the previous season and since Yandeh Sallah, who plays Amie is such an excellent actress I always wish for more scenes with her but I also do wish for that with all of our main characters – it’s time to fit them all in sometimes because our format is so short.

Bringing Jack in was actually originally not my idea, it came from my writer colleagues after that they revised my storyline notes for Season 2, while I was still down in Oskarshamn shooting Season 1. 

We had always intended for a character to come in and raise the stakes but I never imagined it to be Jack. When we started to develop the character, we all started liking him so he was kept in the story. Like with any new character we never really know who they are and what point of them for coming in is, so to not spoil anything I will let your question be unanswered, sorry. 

But what I can say is that Jack does have a backstory and a character arch that will answer a lot of questions about him and who is, it may not all be explained in Season 2, but hopefully if we get commissioned for a Season 3, you will get to know more about him.

I would say many of the storyline bits are loosely inspired on things/events that were in my surroundings when growing up, mainly I would say that the characters all have bits and pieces from friends or people I knew, but would definitely not say that the main storyline or the characters’ lives are based on my life or me growing up. When we started to work with the series in a writer’s room after having it commissioned and when summarizing the research, the original storyline was revised, updated and changed a lot in terms of drama and conflict. When me, Anton, Michaela, Fanny and season 1 director Amanda all came together we shared a lot of similar stories, experiences and of course some unique stories that were later all kind of built in to our characters and the show’s storyline. Same thing happened when our season 2 director Carl-Petter entered the Writers Room. To summarize I’d say that some things that could definitely be recognized from my teenage years, only that they are a wee bit heightened in order for it to be a good dramaturgy. But it is fun to think that there actually is a combination of people out there, that I knew or know that laid the basic foundation for Ludvig, Felicia, Amie, Elias, Klara, Andreas, Tobbe and the parents. 

I will not spoil anything but let me put it like this and like I said above. Eagles will always have room for more than just one love saga and the things established in season 1 is not something that we will ever just  throw away. However, in the storyline as it evolves some things may take longer than other and some things may happen faster than others. When working with such a short format as 8 or 10x20 minute episodes our job as a creative team has always been having to cut away pieces and push them forward in our story archs – with that said Eagles have according to my vision for the series always been a 4 to 5 season concept. In the Marvel Cinematic Universe it took about 21 films before Cap got Agent Carter – so even if you see things that you unlike that happens now, don’t forget that I and our team always follow our fans’ thoughts and that everything will hopefully make sense in the end. Also saying if everything just happened straight away – it wouldn’t be as exciting to watch. But to give one spoiler, there’s a thought-out path for them down the line, but can’t tell you more than that at the moment.

Thanks for your question and wow, what a tough one to answer. To me it’s a little like answering which one of your children you love the most. I have always been very protective of Ludvig and Felicia and it was quite tough for me to let other creatives come in and have opinions there – but I believe when letting my guard down and having to change a certain way that I had imagined them to be, act and behave, it changed my opinion a lot for the better. 

Having had all these characters in my head for so many years then having actors coming in, claiming them, changing them, making them their own was quite scary for me – however they all kind of blew my mind away which was one of the most amazing feelings I have ever experienced, and that goes for all of them. I feel so fortunate to get to work with such a talented cast and they still blow my mind with their talent every day on set. 

Thanks for your question, have received a few of these questions and answered one with quite a long answer but eventually, yes. It might take a while due to all the things that has happened to the characters with Felicia and Amie and since Elias has developed feelings for Klara – but nothing in Season 1 was for nothing and like said above – there’s a thought-out path for them down the line. 

I have answered the question regarding Amie and Elias and their potential romance and well, we are aware that many of you are rooting for them but we will always try to make choices that effect all of characters in the greater story arch and what in the storylines and the archs that make sense for them for the time being in their lives, in the series. I will not tell what the future plans for the characters are since SVT would probably kill me if I did – but if we get renewed for a season 3 and if we’re lucky enough to get to make a season 4 and that the actors still want to play their characters in the series, our intention will be to have Amie and Elias remain in the show up until the grand finale.

In addition, our plan for all of the characters in the series will always be to have them evolve within themselves and not only in their relationship with or to another character. Love and friendship will be always be the most important themes of Eagles but our goal is to show that no character or person is 1-dimensional being, but rather 3-dimensional and have different sides to their personalities that make them act the way they do.

Thanks for your questions and love that you share potential theories. Unfortunately I cannot reveal what is about to happen and what role they all play or how things evolve – what I can say is that most of your questions and raised concerns will be answered or dealt with in the course of this season and the ones that don’t won’t be forgotten and will eventually come to a resolution or maybe end up in an even bigger conflict. 

The answer to the question in short is, yes, it’s super difficult. 

The reason why it’s difficult is because hockey in real life and hockey in storytelling is a lot different and to me working out the esthetics of the hockey was very important when pitching the show. I come from Oskarshamn myself and have a lot friend who plays or have played ice-hockey growing up – to me the goal was to make them feel like they could recognize themselves in the universe of the hockey and that it would feel real enough – also my goal was that people with a hockey interest would like the hockey action sequences. Meanwhile we also had to make sure that we created a hockey universe on the rink that people who doesn’t like hockey could understand and grasp and that the hockey action sequences would be interesting for someone who doesn’t like hockey as well. So it was quite difficult where to start.

Before even being commissioned I had a long dialogue with one of my good friend and colleague Simon Ekbäck Nordström who is a former hockey player, and had played at junior elite level, who also work as a Technical Director and 1:st AD in the industry, to have him on the show and to build this universe together with him if the show would go into production. When we did and when season 1 director Amanda came in our biggest task was to find a cinematographer who could film on ice. When meeting with Gabriel Mkrttchian who I had worked with before he introduced a camera rig set up called a DJI Ronin that would be able to make us follow players on the ice as Gabriel would be able to skate with them. We tested it, and we loved it! That and an combined research where I and writer Anton met with players between the ages of 15-35, really gave us an understanding of what things in the culture of ice hockey that people had in common and what was more local to Oskarshamn. In the process we even met with former NHL-players, only to understand how Mats would feel having ended a successful career and how it was to leave the sport behind him to move back to Sweden.

After that followed a long work of preparing how to film the scenes in the shortest amount of time and make them as visually astonishing as possible. Simon and Gabriel worked long hours to do maps of plays that the players would do and how we would capture it, also with the account that we had to have images shot when the actors are seen combined with scenes that are done by bodydoubles – believe me it was a puzzle, but a fun one to lay out. When going into season 2 our goal was to take what we had created and expand it, something that both me and Simon feel that we did, especially with the end scene of Episode 5.

This might be a very long answer to your question but yes, its difficult but it’s also extremely fun. Like Simon told me before we shot the hockey scenes for the first season: “Let’s go out and invent the wheel”. In Season 2, we tried to improve that wheel and for a hopeful season 3 we hope to perfect it.

Yes, they do know that, which we tried to portray by having Klara being quite lonely in the start of season 2, she and Amie doesn’t talk, Felicia’s look angry at a nervous Klara when she returns to school – Amie also says after having had food thrown on her by Felicia, and Klara asks if she’s fine: “Are you happy now” as an indicator that this is all Klara’s fault. One might feel that she didn’t get to pay the consequences yet, maybe she will, maybe she won’t – can’t tell what will happen but we as a creative team has always said that Klara wasn’t really the worst person in that specific plot point, Ludvig and Amie, not telling Felicia was a lot worse. With that said Klara could’ve definitely had done it nicer.

Yes, I would say it was. To me it was obvious that having the Kroons separated from each other was inevitable when Elias signed for another team and in order for the story to include all of our main characters and to be able to move forward in our storyline without being stuck in the aftermath of season 1 for to long with so few episodes in a season, we felt that we did needed for some time to pass in order to get story going again.

I think if you went into the writers room of Eagles and asked all of us what really happened in that room we would all have different answers.  I know what happened, but I’m not sure we will ever truly know for sure, unless Ludvig or Amie eventually are open enough to admit to anyone what really happened.

He does and so does Felicia. As we know Felicia doesn’t like Klara, but what we do know is that she hates Ludvig and Amie even more now. Like the old saying goes: Don’t kill the messenger.

Regarding if Klara is going to become a better person. Klara is and has always been thought of to be quite a complex person – when we did our research and met with teenagers during the development of season 1 and when started to develop Klara, me and my colleagues all had known or did know a Klara kind of person. When growing up I knew a lot of people that were kind of like Klara and I didn’t like them but when getting to know them later on in life it always showed out that these people came from carrying quite heavy loads and came from complicated lives – when they grew older some of them changed some of them didn’t. Klara however is a mirror of a person that my goal as creator and that I share with my colleagues, is to be more than what meets the eye. In the end she is, just like everyone around her , trying to find a way to be – she was raised to be a certain way, the way she is and hopefully she will understand that there’s other ways to be, that are nicer and better. But like I said, some learn, some don’t. Some react different to the fear of losing a friend, Klara’s reacted like she did. Some react on being betrayed by throwing food on them – what is right what is wrong is a very individual thing.  The thing is we know why Felicia did embarrass Amie – but we might not know all that we need to know about Klara to fully understand why she is like she is yet.  

Our initial goal was to connect the IG to the show, however a tight budget and regulations from SVT since they’re a public broadcaster has not made it possible for us to do as much as we wanted. Hopefully though as the series evolve, we will be able to connect the two. It would be amazing if that could happen.

Well they all kind of had a great conflict that lead to quite complicated relationships to each other in the end of season 1 and now slowly interactions will start coming to life, some mending will be done and some will wait – but eventually down the line we will have them all together, under whatever circumstances that forces them to be together – but that is a spoiler for a much longer arch.

The answer is there will be scenes with them – they might not be like you all thought they would be – but I can tell you that the story of Amie and Elias in Eagles is far from over.

Well, I have answered most of the questions and there is a plan, maybe sooner, maybe later. Will use a Swedish saying: Den som väntar på något gott, väntar aldrig för länge which means ”The one who waits for something good, does never wait for too long” – I have always rephrased it to say “The one who waits for something good, always wait for too long” and with that said we have not seen the last of Amie and Elias.

Thank you so much for this question. I am very happy you asked about this scene, because to me it’s a very personal scene. In one of the questions above I was asked if there’s anything in the storyline that is inspired by my own time growing up in Oskarshamn and I answered that there are bits and pieces. This is one of those bits and pieces.

To answer your question as clearly as possible before broadening my view on the meaning of the scene I’d like to say that the scene could mean both. To me that’s the beauty of creating stories and having an audience view it - because our intention for a scene does not always have to match the way you as an auditor view or interpret it.

So for the long answer with trivial content for the one who has an extra minute :P.

According to my personal relationship to the scene and what our intention was, I’d say that is connected to her parents' situation. The basic foundation for this scene was actually born outside of the writers room when we had just finished the storyline for Season 2. I was sitting with our Technical Director and 1:st AD, Simon Ekbäck at his home as we started to lay out a possible shooting schedule for the season. Together we imagined the scenes together and tried to envision them in front of our eyes and how they would cut together. I remember shutting my eyes and telling Simon that the episode should end with Leila and Felicia pulling the car aside by the water and that Leila wouldn't be able to hold her tears in anymore - and that Felicia would witness this, try to hold her tears back and then fail at holding it in. The original scene as it had been discussed in the writers room was that they would cry in the car on the driveway, but I felt like they needed to get out of there and that this was a scene needed to take place somewhere else, somewhere more private. When later watching the final scene one could have copied my imagination of how the scene would look and pasted it in - that happens very rarely, that something becomes just like you imagined it. But for this scene it did happen, much thanks to Simon, Kristoffer, Carl-Petter and of course Alva and Charlotta.

My personal attachment to the scene and what it really means doesn’t have directly to do with Felicia being sad over her parents' situation, because it would be too soon for her to truly realize what Leilas decision means. When I was 21, a bit older than Felicia, my parents seperated and I remember talking to my mother alot, watching her crying, having to comfort her and carry her weight and that made me feel very uneasy. When later talking about this with friends and processing it, I was told and have come to the realisation that we as children in the best of worlds should never have to carry the weight of comforting our parents in a divorce - which so many of us are forced to do. This has been a lesson and realization that I’ve taken in as something to carry with me, since I have just become a father myself. 

I mean even if our parents when we’re growing up are looked upon by us, their children as superheroes, they are only human in the end. Growing up makes us realize this and that has always been an important theme of Eagles, to see the true colors of our parents.

Comforting my mother during my parents' separation was tough, because I felt sad as well but had no room to express it - even though that I might have needed it. I was old enough to handle it, but many teenagers are a lot younger than I was, and for many children these situations can be very tough. 

To summarize, the idea of the scene has always been that Felicia is forced to be the comfort to her mother's pain. When her mother shows her vulnerability in front of Felicia Felcia tries to remain strong and hold her tears in - but eventually the situation gets too personal and she can’t, but she tries to hide it from her mom, thus looking the other way, out from the window so that Leila won’t see her crying. 

To me the scene is not meant to be a critique towards parents but rather a depiction of when it happens and is as important for the young and older audience to see and reflect about - because divorces happen all the time, and way to often children are forced to carry their parents when according to me, parents should remain strong and carry the weight for their children instead. 

Long answer to a short question, but yet again thank you for bringing this scene up. I hope you are satisfied with the story of the scene and my view of its meaning.

Thank you so much for all of your questions - hope that my answers will make you happy. Since we’re in the middle of a season it’s hard for me to answer some of them since they would contain spoilers. I also want to thank director Carl-Petter Montell who added a few notes in my answers.

Last but not least I wanna thank Eagles-translated for all the great work that is done in gathering fans for the series - I also wanna thank all of you, fans who follow the series. To me as a creator producer of a series I always say that without you, we as a creative team and we as a series would be nothing. A series without an audience is no series - so thank you again for watching, sharing and caring about our work!

[tessatechaitea]

Kid Eternity #2

This cover says, "Don't look at who wrote it! Just look at how interesting these visuals are! Sucker."

In my review of Kid Eternity #1, I threw out a few theories on why Ann Nocenti's writing is so weird. After reading page one of this issue, I've thrown those theories out again but in a different way. That makes complete sense if you understand English idioms and also understand that everything Ann Nocenti writes is basically pre-trash.

This is page one of Kid Eternity #2 and it will probably get this review banned on Tumblr.

I have a new theory: Ann Nocenti asked what a Vertigo comic book should be and editor Tom Peyer probably joked, "They're mostly tits and profound nonsense." So Ann Nocenti's vagina gobbed in her underwear and she squealed with glee. "That's what I do!" she chortled merrily! I probably shouldn't abuse Ann Nocenti for writing things I don't understand. I have plenty of choices of other people to abuse for it: my elementary school teachers for not calling me out on doing just enough to get by; my junior high school teachers who let me get away with not putting any effort into big year-end projects (In science, we were supposed to make a stone age tool. I rubber glued a carved-to-a-shoddy point stick to another stick (which was worse than my friend Robert who put some pine needles into a split stick, calling the weapon "Ow"); in English, we had one project based on Romeo and Juliet (because all we did that quarter was watch and read various versions of the play) and I refused to do it because the teacher was wasting my time; in Computers, I found Dan Felipe's project, a trivia program, and I just copied it and used it for my own project (changing all the questions and line numbers and other things to make it seem like it wasn't plagiarized but, I mean, come on! In fairness to me, I only did it because the stupid fucking school changed computers halfway through the semester, dropping the TRS-80s for Apples and my project was relying on the Poke images of the TRS-80 to create an animated sequence)); my high school English teacher, Mr. Borror, for reading nearly everything I wrote in front of the class so that I began to think I was the wittiest fucker in Santa Clara High; my college teachers for some reason or another that allows me to not blame my own lack of ability; and probably my parents because if they were any good at their parental jobs, I wouldn't be writing a blog about comic books. In other words, I'm sure Ann Nocenti is a philosophical genius while I'm just a guy who blames everybody else for things I don't understand. Even if I truly felt Ann Nocenti was an underrated genius whose writings I'm incapable of parsing, I would never ask her to explain what she meant by this first page of Kid Eternity #2. I just wouldn't feel comfortable putting her on the spot like that. It's not up to the artist to explain their art to the foolish audience! Only the Christian Messiah bears that responsibility (and, let's face it, he wouldn't have had to explain every fucking parable if he'd been able to convince smarter people of his bullshit). So if it's up to me to interpret this first page gibber gabber, I suppose I should get to business. Or kill myself. I mean, killing myself would be easier and less painful. And I totally would kill myself before reading more Ann Nocenti comic books except I have plans to cut my toenails in a few months. Before I begin trying to understand this hogwash, I'd like to point out that if she'd written it as a sonnet, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I'd read it, think, "Yep, that's a sonnet!", nod my head in sage understanding, and then jerk off to the titties. But this is not a sonnet so it is not allowed to be obtuse simply for obtuseness' sake. So this fucking speech. First off, who is speaking? The serpent trying to fuck the naked lady? Is this the speech the serpent used on Eve to get her to eat the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil? Although if that's the case, how would talking about Buddha convince Eve of anything? I'll assume the serpent is omniscient (because he may or may not be Satan, depending on what holy men or con artists you believe but certainly isn't Satan if you're simply going by the Book of Genesis. I bet the serpent was God doing one of those Zeus things minus the rape. Zeus loved to trick people so he could get laid; Yahweh tricks people to test their faith). I guess since she had yet to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (come on, God! That name is terrible), she wouldn't know what she doesn't know and can't defend against any nonsense the serpent spews at her. Let's assume the art goes with the speech and it's the serpent speaking. So why is "God in repair" and what the fuck does that mean? And why is it followed by the statement, "Why not call the wisest man a freak?" Does the snake only speak in non sequiturs? Was that a stupid question since I already know the snake's dialogue is being written by Ann Nocenti? It is kind of refreshing to see that her dialogue style never changed in thirty years. The shit the serpent says on this page could be nonsense spewed by Coil from Nocenti's New 52 Katana. You know what? I don't have to continue this because, in the end, it's just a carnival barker's pitch to get people to believe in the freaks in his freak show. He's all, "What's the difference between freaks and religion?!" That's not a riddle I have an answer for. The only religious joke I know is "What do Noah's Ark and The Bible have in common?" That might be a joke that was extant before I came up with it but I did come up with it on my own. And I think the answer is so obvious I would be insulting the intelligence of all four people reading this. Oh, and the snake trying to fuck the lady? It's a tattoo on the Tattooed Lady. The reason the comic begins in a circus freak show? Because Kid Eternity is the newest freak on display! The opening sideshow scene is just one of Kid Eternity's dreams. The demon angel babies get into Kid Eternity's dream and when he wakes up, they've tied his hair to the floor which totally has him trapped for like three panels. That was a close one! Kid Eternity decides he can't truly know what he's doing unless he utterly knows himself. So it's time to get his brain probed.

Let me guess: Carl will blather on about synchronicity and dreams while Freud tries to figure out how big Kid Eternity's penis is.

Carl doesn't initially discuss anything. He's just the straight man for Freud saying all the typical things you'd expect Freud to say: penis this, envy that, fuck your mom, kill your dad, more penises, many more penises, everything is penises. But then he comes on fast and furious with his archetypes and collective unconscious and human mythology stuff, all the biggest Carl Jung hits (aside from synchronicity but I'm sure he'll get around to that later. Ann Nocenti isn't going to miss showing the readers all the knowledge nuggets she mined to make her brain big). If only Nocenti would spend as much time writing the story as she spends making sure the readers know she knows a lot of shit then maybe I would have kept reading this comic book. Meanwhile, Zeus wanders around looking for somebody to trick fuck, Madame Blavatsky hunts down the next best burger before she slips back to the past, Beelzebub and Judas wander through Limbo, Jesus gets drunk and falls off a bar stool, and a phone yells at a woman. That all happens on one page to make sure the reader remembers other things are happening. But why does Ann Nocenti spend two panels of that dense page on Madame Blavatsky when she could have updated the reader on the non-X-File FBI agents who will probably hate fuck each other before the story ends? I also wanted an update on the Buddha Christ Trash Child. But no! Instead Nocenti just moves on to more of her proof that she's read all about Freud and Jung and totally understands the shallow top layer of their theories and philosophies. I don't mean to say I know any more than Ann Nocenti! But I understand how little I know of Freud and everything she's had him say are things everybody knows about Freud from all the dirty jokes about him: ids, supermen, parental relations, and phalli!

Oh, that's why we didn't get an update on the dense update page; Nocenti needed a full page to document the hate/fuck.

My new Ann Nocenti writing theory: Ann Nocenti has never had an original thought. She simply reads things, takes copious notes of bits and quotes she likes, and then shoves them sideways into whatever script she's currently writing. No wait. She does have original thoughts but they're almost not worth having. Like "everything in life is a prison" and then proving it by stating a few things about life that can be cell-like. It's profound in that way that things are profound when you're on acid. If you don't think about it, you can find yourself nodding along going, "Yeah! Yeah! Everything is a prison! Life is a fucking prison!" But if you do stop to think about it, it's like coming down off acid. You start to see how that thought you had about how the number three ties everything else in the universe together because of the way the corners meet didn't wasn't as mind blowing as it was six hours ago. Although the rant you went on about how pressing play on the VCR remote play the show and pressing pause pauses it but then to unpause it you have to hit pause again when you should really hit play was pretty fucking good. Speaking of acid, I'm two-thirds of the way through the acid documentary on Netflix and it's fucking fantastic. I wasn't really thinking a lot about it but I was nodding along going, "Yeah! Yeah! Everything they're saying about acid is absolutely spot on!" throughout. I actually had to take a break because it was making me too happy listening to all Sting and Carrie Fisher tell their acid stories. I don't know why I didn't just spend five paragraphs discussing why the FBI agents were playing Scrabble while they fucked. It's probably just one of Sean Phillips' kinks. Oh, maybe they were just playing Scrabble and not hate-fucking. It's hard to tell because on the next page, Jerry asks Val if they can finally fuck and Val is all, "You're a nerd!" Then she slits his throat. But then in the next panel, his throat isn't slit and he's all, "You feeling better?" And she's all, "Yeah!" So I don't know what the fuck is going on and I don't really care. I've still got like eight pages of this mess to get through and I'd rather just nod along than try to understand it. And then just like last issue, Ann Nocenti sputters out a bit of writing that I totally agree with because I've said basically the same thing before. About how every day, I fall in love with some person I see on the street because of the smallest of things. And then I love them forever.

My story isn't as good but I once fell in love walking through the airport in Minneapolis. I was passing by an attractive woman and she was gazing off somewhere as I looked at her face. She was coming up on my right and then I glanced down at her breasts and back up at her face. And that was the moment she noticed me, as I glanced from her breasts to her face. And, catching me, she smiled and laughed and kept on walking. And I still love her to this day.

And for this page alone, I forgive all of Ann Nocenti's past (future?) transgressions and find myself eager to read Kid Eternity #3. Oh wait. I still have a few pages left in this piece of crap. I read a lot of books in college that I sometimes still say are my favorite books but I should probably just say they stuck with me because I know which books are almost always in my top five and a lot of the ones in college aren't those. But Edith Wharton's Age of Innocence always stuck with me. It's possible that I completely missed the message of the novel but to me, the book was about how true love only exists when it's unrequited. Archer Day-Lewis doesn't love Ellen Pfeifer more than May Ryder for any other reason than that she was the one he didn't marry. It seemed to me that Wharton was trying to portray how hard love is and true, phenomenal love only exists in the imagination. Only a love we can imagine can remain magical. Only when we love an object, or the imaginary person we've placed on a pedestal, can we evade disappointment in the reality and flaws of another actual human being. Being in love with Ellen Pfeifer was easy because she wasn't there for all those years. There were no fights or disappointments or multiple times accidentally walking in on her taking a huge shit. She was pure and beautiful and imaginary. But then again, maybe that wasn't the point of the book at all. I was young and romantic at the time and I still absolutely loved the women I'd had unrequited crushes on in junior high and high school while my college relationship was slowly circling the drain due to personality conflicts. But not due to sex. The sex was fucking great! Anyway, Freud and Jung decide Kid Eternity is in denial and they leave. Hemlock and Dog spread some new reality across the world via a computer virus. Madame Blavatsky starts making time go backwards, probably so she can vomit up all the Twinkies she ate and eat them again with their delicious creamy filling. And the devil and Judas wind up in a bar in Limbo with Jesus to make plans for Kid Eternity. There's probably a lot more going on but there'd be too much for me to process even if it wasn't confused by Nocenti's writing style. No wonder I gave up on this book after three issues. There's no way by the third issue I could remember anything that was going on, if I even understood it the month prior. Kid Eternity #2 Rating: C-. A confusing mess that's about 90% Ann Nocenti just vomiting out things she's read. Even the things that, with the benefit of the doubt, I want to believe sprang from her own philosophical musings, I can't bring myself to absolutely believe it. I feel like every thought and piece of dialogue she's placed in this story just came from piles of notebooks filled with notes she's made while reading other people's works. It's practically a collage of philosophical ideas and moral musings pulled from myriad sources and shoved into a Kid Eternity framework "written" by Ann Nocenti. Which could explain Nocenti's penchant for stilted dialogue. If she were making up all the character's thoughts, the dialogue would flow from one character to the next. But when each character can only respond with some profound thought Nocenti read elsewhere, it comes across like a ransom note, each word cut from the mind of somebody else and pasted as a reply to another bit cut from some other thinker, no relation existing between the two thoughts except the proximity relationship Nocenti has given them.

[inmyownlittlecorner5]

Moonlight Chapter 14: Cruciatus

A fanfic Novel by la-topolina

Rated for Mature Audiences

Warnings: Language, Violence, Sexual Content

Chapter 14/26

Moonlight Masterpost+

<< Chapter Thirteen+

Chapter Fifteen+ >>

Severus worked steadily in the Lee’s potions room, his movements as controlled and methodical as if he had been at Hogwarts brewing without a care in the world. A batch each of Blood Replenisher and Wound Reducer bubbled quietly in the cauldrons before him. It was a peaceful scene from the outside and one would never know by looking at him that the usually aloof man was fairly sick with worry and anger within.

How was it that Miranda had managed to disappear within twenty minutes? Why did she possess this special talent for getting herself into trouble? How long could she possibly hope to survive living her life this way? And how long could he stand the anxiety of waiting for her to return either maimed or dead? It was one thing to face danger and death himself; that he was used to. But he had never been comfortable with the idea of those he cared for facing the same. Not that he was admitting to caring overmuch for her—no, not at all. But he found that his mind kept creating worse and worse scenarios, all of which ended with Miranda being murdered by the Dark Lord.

He had been watching the clock obsessively for the last hour and a half, impatiently waiting for two o’clock in the morning. at two, he would go and demand that Mrs. Lee send an Auror after the idiot Americans. Why was Aaron Lee so incompetent that he couldn’t be trusted to keep track of Miranda for a few hours at a party? Severus couldn’t be expected to watch the fool woman every moment. Even when he was watching her, it didn’t seem to do much good.

At one minute before two, he decided he had waited long enough. He set a cold, intimidating expression on his face and started out of the potions room to frighten Mrs. Lee into doing what she should have done an hour ago. His hand was on the doorknob when the silence in the flat was broken by the slamming of the front door and the obnoxiously loud singing voice of Mr. Lee.

“My Cindy got religion, she had it once before! But when she hears my ol’ banjo, she’s the first one on the floor!”

Aaron’s voice resounded through the flat and Rachel and Miranda’s laughter soon mingled with it. Relief rushed through Severus so strongly that he put a hand on the doorframe to steady himself. If Miranda was laughing, then she was alive and probably not terribly injured. He felt as though he could draw breath for the first time since he had realized she was missing. He turned back to the cauldrons, wanting to compose himself before he went out into the fray. The three Americans were talking so quickly and laughing so loudly that it was impossible to understand anything they were saying through the closed door. It was just as well. He needed a moment of quiet before he could face them.

He was not quite ready when he heard the door to the potions room open.

“Sorry I’m late,” Miranda said cheerfully. “I hope you were nice to Rachel.”

“Being as I am working for her without pay, it would appear so,” he replied, his voice cool and even. He kept his back to Miranda and his eyes on the cauldrons. Now that he had absorbed his initial relief that she was alive, he had time to be properly angry at her.

“Oh, don’t be angry, Severus. I have a good excuse.”

Her lighthearted tone only made him angrier. “Don’t you always?”

She sighed with what sounded like exasperation. “Honestly, don’t you think you’re being a bit unfair? Are you actually angry at me because I inconvenienced you?”

“No,” he answered. His voice was quiet, but he used it like a whip. “I am angry with you because thanks to your inability to follow simple instructions, I have spent the last two hours assuming that you were being tortured and killed.”

He heard her come into the room and felt her put a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s much easier to face the danger than it is to wait for someone to come back from it,” she said. “I’d rather do the former than the latter myself.”

He finally looked at her and couldn’t quite keep his face from showing how startled he was by the state she was in. 

“Bathing in the blood of virgins again, I see,” he said dryly.

She smiled. “Your friend Lucius decided it was time to consummate our relationship with a duel. I was winning, so he dumped me in a pit with a tebo. I’d have been back an hour ago, but I couldn’t just leave all that wonderful hide there, now could I?”

He shook his head at her and said sarcastically, “No. I suppose you would have been a fool to leave it.”

She continued to smile and replied coaxingly, “I brought you a present too.” 

He raised an eyebrow and noticed the large bag sitting on the floor by the door. It felt heavy when he lifted it onto a table for examination. He opened it slowly and his eyes widened a bit as he realized what it contained.

“I seem to remember an article you published a few years ago about how tebo parts would make stronger variants of certain potions. Unfortunately, they are prohibitively expensive,” she said smugly.

He stared at the perfectly butchered organs, hooves, and tusks all cozily nestled in their own pockets in the bag. His anger melting away, he lifted his head and his eyes gleamed at her.

She was reckless. She was barbaric. She was completely mad.

She was magnificent.

“As I said, you always have an excuse,” he repeated, his tone losing its bite. He closed the bag and started to pull her into his arms, but she inhaled sharply and flinched.

“What is it?” he demanded.

“Malfoy thought it would be fun to hit me with a bout of Cruciatus,” she answered, her voice starting to sound exhausted. “I’ve had better, but I guess the smoke and the adrenaline are starting to wear off. I’m afraid I’ve been a bit of a tease. I doubt I’ll be able to make good on my implied promise of physical bliss tonight.”

“I think it is time to take you home,” he said quietly.

With a flick of his wand, the bag rose into the air and hung there, as if on a string. He put his arm around Miranda’s shoulder to steer her out of the room. She flinched as his arm came in contact with her cursed body, but then she settled against him, apparently glad for the support. The bag floated obediently behind them as they came into the kitchen where Aaron and Rachel sat at the table, heads together like a pair of turtledoves.

“I think I’ve had all the fun I can handle for now,” Miranda said with a tired smile.

“It was just like old times, wasn’t it?” Aaron replied, grinning at her. “Leave what’s left of your wand here. I might be able to find traces of the curse on it.”

“I’m not planning to press charges against Malfoy.”

“I figured that. But I think it’s a good thing to have in our pocket, just in case.”

She shrugged and fished out the pieces of her wand.

“How encouraging to see that you take such good care of your things,” Severus said as she tossed them on the table.

She rolled her eyes at him. “It broke when I fell into the pit. Actually, I don’t mind. Now I can replace it with an unregistered one.”

“Your wand is registered?” he asked incredulously.

“All wands in America are registered and it’s a royal pain.”

“How draconian.”

“Well, you can bet I won’t register my next one unless someone makes me.”

“I’m not hearing this conversation,” Aaron said pointedly.

Severus frowned. “I believe that Mr. Ollivander takes his vacation at this time of year. I doubt you will be able to replace it until late next week.”

“I guess you’ll just have to baby-sit me until then,” Miranda teased.

“Or you can leave her here,” Aaron said with a wink. “We’re used to her antics.”

Severus gave Aaron a withering look. “I suppose I require some sort of trouble to occupy me during the Holidays.” He gave Rachel a short bow and added, “Thank you for the tea, Mrs. Lee.”

“You’re welcome professor,” Rachel replied good-naturedly. “Although I think you should call me Rachel. Those of use who know the difficulties of managing these two have to stick together.”

Severus wasn’t sure he cared for the American’s casual address, but he wasn’t sure he cared to alienate her either. He gave her a noncommittal nod and flicked his wand at the second bag of tebo harvest that sat on the kitchen floor. Then he guided Miranda out of the flat with the bags floating behind them. When they reached the street, a fog blew in by way of an unfelt breeze. It was oddly warm as they walked through it, and when they emerged on the other side, they were standing on the lane leading to her cabin. She was limping openly by then, so he lifted her as gently as he could and carried her the rest of the way. She flinched and started to protest at first, but then she gave a sigh of resignation and laid her head against his shoulder.

After they entered the cabin, he deposited her on the sofa and drew her a bath. He rummaged in the potions closet, muttering irritably about its disorder. No matter—he would remedy that problem tomorrow. It took some time, but he eventually found a bottle of dittany and a measure of healing herbs. He added the latter to the bathwater and then went about the task of removing Miranda’s bloodstained clothing. She did what she could to help, but it was obvious that movement was becoming more and more difficult for her as the night progressed. He ended up carrying her to the bath as well, and she did not bother to argue. 

A quiet moan of pain escaped her lips as she slid into the hot water, but once the initial shock passed, she relaxed into the tub. He applied a dose of dittany to the gash on her arm and then took down her tangled hair. She closed her eyes while he combed it with deft, practiced motions and by the time he had finished, she had started to doze off. He woke her reluctantly before she was completely asleep and helped her out of the bath. She leaned heavily against the wall while he dried her and dressed her in a cotton nightgown. Her face was pale and drawn with pain by then, so he picked her up a third time and carried her like a child to the bed.

He puttered around the cabin for another hour or so, storing the tebo parts for processing the next day. He thumbed through an American book on potions and indulged in a glass of wine from the bar. The potions in the book involving native flora intrigued him and he wondered how many of the plants might grow in England. Perhaps he could drop a hint to Pomona about the more interesting varieties. To his pleasant surprise, he discovered one of his nightshirts in Miranda’s armoire. He felt a bit foolish that he was so pleased that she had kept it—much as he felt foolish for keeping the comb she had forgotten in his chambers in the drawer of the table next to his bed. 

He changed and finally lay down next to her. The light of the setting moon filtered through the curtains and he marveled at how deceptively innocent she appeared when she was asleep. A lock of her hair had fallen across her face and he brushed it back as he studied her. He fully expected that she was going to be the death of him. But he was well aware that there were worse ways to die.

*****

It was late afternoon by the time Miranda awoke the next day. She stretched her aching body and climbed slowly out of bed, quite pleased with the previous evening’s events. As she paced her room to work out some of the kinks in her limbs leftover from the tebo toss, the scent of fresh bread and chicken soup wafted through the door. A bemused smile spread across her face and she recalled the time she had spent at Severus's house after the werewolf incident. He was a good, if utilitarian, cook and she was touched now--as she had been then--at the care he took of her when she was injured. 

She decided it was a day for night clothes and pulled on her dressing gown before making her way to the bathroom to wash the sleep from her eyes. She spent a longer time than strictly necessary to comb and arrange her hair. As she braided just enough of it to keep it out of her eyes, she tried to control that giddy feeling that always threatened to overtake her when Severus did something thoughtful. His demeanor was so bristly most of the time and he worked so hard to act as though he didn't care a fig about her that his sporadic acts of tenderness knocked her a bit off kilter. They made her want to let down her guard in spite of how she had been burned by love in the past. But she doubted that was a wise thing to do with him. He seemed so tangled up inside that she hesitated even to consider offering him more than he might be able to appreciate. Especially when she was so ambivalent herself.

She did indeed find a pot of soup simmering on the stove when she emerged from the bathroom. Her stomach started growling as she gave it a stir and she dished herself up a bowl. She set it on the table to cool for a bit and noticed that Severus had already packed the tebo hide in a tub of salt to cure. 

“I see you are remarkably lazy today,” he said as he appeared in the doorway of the potions room.

“And you are criminally industrious,” she replied, crossing to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tilted her face up to be kissed. He obliged her, but handled her as though he were afraid of hurting her. She parted her lips to deepen the kiss and, while he made that strangled noise in his throat again, he pulled away. 

“No,” he said sternly as he traced her lips with his finger. “You are going to rest today that I might have the full use of your body tonight.”

“If that’s the price of your cooking and cleaning, I guess it’s worth it,” she said playfully. She glanced over his shoulder and started at the state of her tiny potions room. Slipping past him into it, she saw that it was more than half empty. Most of the potions she had made were missing, along with all of the clutter. What was left was meticulously arranged and labeled in a cramped handwriting. 

“What did you do to my potions room?” she demanded in a mock-angry tone.

“Your potions room was a disgrace to wizarding kind. I am in the process of making it acceptable, to which end I must make a trip back to Hogwarts for supplies. I don’t suppose it is possible for a civilized person such as myself to find this cabin without a barbarian to show me the way.”

She raised an eyebrow at him saucily. “I don’t know. If you decide to run away in a week or two because I’ve pissed you off it will be a lot of trouble to change the hearthstone.”

He gave her an exasperated look and she laughed at him lightly.

“Sit down,” she said. “I’ll take care of it.”

As he went to the sofa, she knelt stiffly in front of the fireplace. She waved her hand over the flames and they started burning a rich, deep red.

After a moment she thrust her hand into them, all the way down to the hearthstone. Gathering some of the ashes, she withdrew her fist from the fire. As soon as her hand was clear, the flames returned to their usual orange color. She pushed herself up off of the floor and brought the ash to Severus. She had to put a hand on his knee to steady herself as she knelt in front of him. 

“Close your eyes,” she said.

When he complied, she smeared ash on his eyelids and then on his hands as well. Each bit of ash shown brilliantly white for a moment, and then disappeared into his skin. She knew it was burning him and pricking him like a thousand tiny needles, but she also knew it was not a painful sensation.

“You can open them,” she said when the ash had vanished. “Now when you Apparate here, you’ll be able to see the cabin and open the door.”

He smirked at her. “Am I still to be denied the famous Homing Spell?”

“I’m afraid so. Only family members can share a Homing Spell.”

“How sentimental.” He gave her his hand to help her up from her knees and onto the sofa, then he brought her the bowl of soup and some bread and butter to go with it. 

“You will stay here until I return,” he said imperiously. “If I find that you have left this cabin, I will strangle you myself.”

“Your wish is my command,” she replied sarcastically, tearing into the food. It was delicious, but she didn’t want to further inflate his ego by telling him so. He gathered his cloak and pulled back her hair to kiss the back of her neck. She couldn’t contain the purring noise this elicited and he left the cabin with an expression of smug superiority on his face.

She enjoyed a leisurely meal and even helped herself to seconds. When she had finished, she cleaned the dishes and then read through Part VI of Song of the Lark. She didn’t want to start another novel straight away, so she examined the new, improved potions room. She would have to make an effort to maintain it after Severus had put so much work into reorganizing it. It amused her that he was so fussy about some things, but that was probably part of what made him good at potions in the first place.

The silence started to sound too loud, so she switched on the wireless. She fiddled with the dial for quite a while without finding anything agreeable, so she switched it back off and opened a drawer in the front of her desk. Out popped a small turntable and a pair of matching speakers. Another drawer revealed ten or so records and she flipped through them, debating about the kind of mood she was in. Finally choosing one, she set it spinning and a scratchy female voice filled the cabin.

“…You say that it’s over now…”

Satisfied, she went back to the sofa and fished out the most recent issue of the Quibbler from a stack on the coffee table. She lit a cigarette and settled in to read.

*****

“….Freedom is just another word for nothin’ left to lose…”

“What on earth is that loathsome din?” Severus demanded when he returned from his errands laden with packages.

She laughed. “Part of the soundtrack of my misbegotten youth. But we can listen to something else if you’d rather.” She pulled herself up from the sofa and took the needle off the record. After returning it to the drawer, she started flipping through the choices again, wondering what could possibly please the man.

He shook his head at her and started unpacking in the kitchen. “I find it ironic that the woman who lectures me about missing meals had let her own pantry dwindle so low."

“Oh, that,” she said nonchalantly. “You see, I’m going to be leaving the country soon.”

He stopped unpacking and turned to give her a withering look. “When exactly were you planning to give me that pertinent information?” His voice was soft, which meant he was, of course, getting angry.

She kept her tone light and her eyes firmly on the records. “I’d like to remind you that you’ve been entitled to know my business for less than twenty-four hours. During which time, I might add, I’ve bested Malfoy in a duel and single-handedly killed and butchered a tebo.”

“I don’t require reminding. Where are you going?”

She paused over the records, debating what to tell him. All the secrecy was beginning to get on her nerves and she wondered, not for the first time, why Albus had warned her against telling Severus much of her mission. If Severus was such an expert Occlumens, then why did it matter if he knew?

Finally she said, “I’m going to Romania. I went to Hogwarts the other night to ask Albus for help putting some distance between Malfoy and myself. Distance that I think is even more warranted after last night’s festivities. Albus pointed out that Romania is an excellent place to hide this time of year and, lo and behold, I received a tip about a large black dog and a Hippogriff keeping company around Săpânţa.”

“I see that you and Albus are now on a first name basis.”

She shrugged. “He gave me a cigarette and promised to pay me off when this charade of a case is over. I guess I’m easy.”

“I’m well aware of how easy you are,” he snapped.

His tone irritated her more than his words did. “You know,” she said cooly,“you could just say that you’re going to miss me instead of being nasty.”

He clenched his teeth and a muscle in his jaw started twitching, but he returned to unpacking the groceries without saying whatever insult had popped into his mind.

She pulled a record out of the drawer and went on, “I’ll be back for those monthly meetings, so it’s not as though you’ll never see me again. It’ll probably be better for your productivity anyway. I expect I’m a terrible distraction when I’m around.”

“I find that my productivity markedly improves after a bit of recreation,” he muttered. He added in a louder voice, “How do you intend to keep Lucius from murdering you at these farcical meetings?”

“By scheduling them so that Aaron can collect me when he goes to have lunch with his friend in the Ministry.” He glared at her and she quickly added, “On time too! Aaron knows I’m always on time to work obligations.”

“Somehow I find that difficult to believe.”

“You’ll just have to believe it.”

“I don’t like it.”

“I don’t really like it either, but I didn’t know that a war was starting when I took the job from Fudge and Malfoy. Even if I had known, I probably wouldn’t have been allowed to say no. There’s not much I can do about it now.”

“As you say.” He finished unloading in the kitchen and took the rest of the packages to the potions room as an awkward silence fell. 

She sighed and called, “Do you like opera?”

“It is more acceptable than the trash you were playing earlier.”

She rolled her eyes. “Mama sent this one for Christmas. She and Papa went out to San Diego earlier this year to see it, so please keep at least half of your cutting remarks to yourself.”

“Now I will have to think of twice as many. What a bother you are.”

She set the record spinning and went back to the sofa and the Quibbler. The lush music slowly dissolved the tension in the air and Miranda felt her shoulders relax. After about twenty minutes, the soprano on the record launched into a melody that was so hauntingly divine that Miranda put down her magazine in order to listen more closely.

“…řekni mi kde je můj milý…”

She let her eyes fall closed as the music washed over her. Her mother had grown up with opera and her father had been wise enough to indulge the interest until he developed an actual interest himself. As the baby of the family and the only girl, it had been a very special thing when it was Miranda’s turn to put on a party dress and accompany her parents to the theatre. She didn’t understand much about the music, but she knew what she liked and what she didn’t care for. The one playing in the cabin now was definitely going to be one that she liked.

She opened her eyes in surprise when Severus joined her on the sofa, liner notes in hand. He was reading them intently, but he put an arm around her shoulders and she settled against him with a smile. He started idly stroking her hair and they sat there for a long time, listening to the music.

*****

They were sitting together on the sofa in much the same way two days later. It was an hour before the New Year and Severus was reading Dickens aloud under duress. He had protested that it was sentimental dreck and Miranda had argued that if one couldn’t be sentimental at Christmastime, when could one be sentimental? He wasn’t sure if it was her argument or her caresses that had swayed him, but there he was, reading about Scrooge’s encounter with the spirit world.

“ ‘Again the Ghost sped on, above the black heaving sea…’ ”

He flinched and dropped the book. His shirtsleeves were rolled up to the elbows and the Dark Mark was clearly visible as it writhed angrily. 

“Surprise party?” Miranda asked quietly.

“So it would seem,” he replied grimly. 

Without another word, she got up to fetch his frock coat and cloak. He did not meet her eyes as he drew them on.

When he was ready, he said, “You should go to bed.”

“Of course. I’ll be asleep five minutes after you leave.”

He traced her cheek with his finger and walked out into the frigid night. After he had gone, Miranda lit a cigarette and sat back down on the sofa. She stared into the fire while she smoked, letting the flames hypnotize her. Without meaning to, she let her mind wander back to the that night when she had first realized what her father did for a living. She had been supposed to be asleep like all good seven-year-olds, but she had heard her parents talking and had crept to the top of the stairs to listen. After her Papa had left, Miranda had gone boldly down the stairs, demanding to know what a ‘bail jumper’ was and why Papa was after one. Mama had refused to answer at first, but Miranda had badgered her until she had explained. Miranda had asked if Papa would get hurt trying to find the fugitive. Mama had hugged her tightly and had said that Papa was very good at what he did.

Miranda shook off the memory and finished her cigarette. It wouldn’t do any good to dwell on the past. She was not a scared little girl and she would not admit to being a scared woman. Severus was good at what he did, too. He would be fine. And, if he weren’t, then there wasn’t much she could do about it at the moment anyway. She went to her tiny kitchen and started pulling ingredients out of the pantry.

*****

The anteroom was dark and cold as Severus waited for the Dark Lord’s pleasure. Since his return to bodily form, the Dark Lord no longer seemed to notice temperature and he did not trouble himself to keep his quarters comfortable for those mere mortals among his followers who did. He also did not trouble himself to keep any sort of furniture in the anteroom, and so the Death Eaters milled about awkwardly in the gloomy chamber, trying to act as though they were not apprehensive to enter the Dark Lord’s presence. Severus did this most successfully of the men gathered tonight. He had claimed a spot near the only window in the room. It was small and smeared with filth, but at least it gave him a place to focus his attention. His face was impassive as he stared out the window, motionless except for his breathing. Avery and Crabbe were also in the room, but they could not manage to keep themselves still. They fidgeted with their robes and paced restlessly. A few times they made abortive attempts at conversation, but every man in that room was too deep in his own concerns to care about any of the others.

It was impossible to say how long Severus would have to wait before the Dark Lord called him into the makeshift throne room. It was within the realm of possibility that he would be sent away without an audience tonight. It amused the Dark Lord to keep his flock off balance, and every one of his sheep was a close and familiar friend to anxiety. Once in a while, the wait was short and the meeting almost positive. Severus did not hope for such a meeting tonight. He wondered if he would be asked about the events of the Malfoy party, or if he were going to be taken to task about his association with yet another Muggle-born witch. These thoughts were not helpful to his composure, so he pushed them away lightly as they arose, like a breeze blowing away the clouds. As he did so, Miranda's face appeared in his mind, and he pushed that away too. This image was more stubborn than the others, so he called up Lily's face to replace it. He spent a long time picturing the exact shade of Lily's hair and recalling the lilting pitch of her voice.

When Lily was firmly fixed in Severus’s mind, Lucius emerged from the Dark Lord’s inner chamber. He gave Severus a contemptuous look, took up a spot as far away from the potions master as he could, and started whispering violently with Avery and Crabbe. Severus wanted to gloat over Lucius’s humiliation at losing so spectacularly to an American Muggle-born. He knew that Lucius was not a flexible thinker and wished he had been present to witness the older man’s floundering in the face of unfamiliar spells. He felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips and put a stop to such thinking. He needed to keep his mind blank. He let these amusing thoughts drift away and called up his memories of Lily and the desires of his youth.

*****

Miranda poured the scalding liquid swiftly into the pan on the counter next to the stove. The chocolate she scattered over it started melting instantly, and she gave her work an approving nod. She scrubbed the dishes, trying not to obsessively watch the clock. Severus had only been gone for an hour and she knew that clock watching would not bring him back any faster. By the time she had finished the dishes, the silence in the cabin was starting to agitate her. She put the final dish back in its place and went to the turntable. As the scratchy female voice started singing again, Miranda dug out a bucket and some rags to start cleaning. Nothing really needed to be cleaned, but it was a ritual she had learned as a child. When Papa was away, if the Roses could not sleep at night, they would clean the house from top to bottom. It had been a warm, companionable way to spend those long and sometimes frightening hours of the night. During the day, it was easier to believe that Papa would come home safely. Night was always harder to manage.

She started with the walls now, scrubbing and singing along with the record. She couldn’t stop her imagination from creating nightmare scenarios, but she didn’t have to dwell on them. She let the images flow through her mind like a river and refused to hold onto any of them. She focused her eyes on the grain of the wooden walls and forced her hands to notice how rough the wet rags felt. Severus would be fine. And, if he weren’t, worrying about him wouldn’t help. Best to wait and deal with whatever came when it came.

*****

Harry Potter and his friends would have been shocked to see their haughty professor kneeling like a slave before the Dark Lord. Indeed, Severus would rather have died than kneel to anyone else. In his youth, this posture had been acceptable to him because he had known that soon enough, he would have slaves of his own to give him obeisance; even as he paid his homage to the Dark Lord. Now it was simply part of the role he had to play in order to carry out the plan. It was humiliating, but the feeling of humiliation was familiar to him now, so he buried it deep with all of the other painful emotions that were not conducive to survival. 

His mind was firmly in the past as he knelt on the hard wooden floor. He willed his knees not to give out before the Dark Lord got on with whatever it was that he wanted. Standing still for so long had made Severus’s legs numb, and the brief walk between the anteroom and the throne room had not been long enough to restore circulation. The pins-and-needles sensation was painful, but he remained still, his eyes hovering somewhere between the floor and the chair where the Dark Lord sat. Severus knew from experience that he had to keep his eyes available in case the Dark Lord wanted them, but he would not look directly at his master. This was something he did both as a sign of submission, and in the faint hope that if he did not offer the opportunity for Legilimency directly, perhaps the Dark Lord would decide not to invade his mind.

This turned out to be a vain hope, and Severus felt the familiar feeling of revulsion threaten to overtake him as the Dark Lord bored into his mind. He knew the feeling would pass though, and he let it wash over him like a wave. He allowed the memories and fantasies of Lily that he had called up in the anteroom swirl through his mind. He mixed in conversations with Albus and dull scenes of him teaching. He added the memory of him greeting Narcissa at the Malfoy party as a calculated risk. If the Dark Lord was planning to meddle with his relationship with Miranda, part of Severus wanted to know it now. But another part of him hoped that the Dark Lord was still unaware of her, and so he did not think of her directly.

After an unbearable time, the Dark Lord withdrew and Severus let his eyes drop completely to the floor.

“Do you never tire of that mud-blood woman, Severus?” the Dark Lord asked in his eerily high-pitched voice.

Severus did not answer because he knew he was not expected to. He kept his eyes on the floor and his face still.

“Do you know why I have called you here tonight?” the Dark Lord asked coldly.

“I am sorry to say that I do not know why I have been so honored, my Lord,” Severus answered humbly.

The Cruciatus hit him more quickly than he was expecting. He dropped to the floor, body contorted in pain. He let the pain wash over him, his mind focusing on the tip of his left index finger. He kept his mind there, curiously examining how much pain that one spot could hold.

When the curse stopped, Severus gasped for breath.

“Arthur Weasley is alive when he should be dead,” the Dark Lord said cruelly. “I am sure you know why.”

Severus knew that he had to answer, and he knew what his answer would bring.

“I am sorry to say that I do not know, my Lord.” His voice was shaky, but he was ready for the Cruciatus when it came this time. His mind was already on the tip of his finger, marveling again at its capacity to hold pain.

When the curse stopped, the Dark Lord hissed, “Weasley was given an anti-venom. An anti-venom made by you.”

“I am most humbly….” Severus began, but the Cruciatus hit him a third time. It was all he could do to keep his mind on the tip of his finger. The curse lasted until he lost consciousness.

*****

Miranda finished drying her hair and pulled on a nightdress and a dressing gown. The cabin sparkled from top to bottom and the toffee was stored away in a tin. She had plans for it, assuming that Severus wasn’t killed tonight. Her stomach was in knots and she started picking through her bookshelves for something to distract her. She knew she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on a novel, so she pulled down Romanian in Conversation and opened it to the next lesson. She obediently parroted the phrases that Polyanna’s voice modeled from the book, but her mind was more focused on the slow ticking of the clock than it was on her da-s and nu-s. It had been more than four hours since Severus had left, not that she was counting. She started pacing and covered her eyes with her hands for a moment so that she wouldn’t be able to stare at the clock.

“România este o ţarā minunatā,” the book chirped.

She uncovered her eyes and directed them to the book as she paced. “România este o ţarā minunatā,” she repeated.

“Trebuie sā mai exersez la românā.”

“Trebuie sā mai exersez la românā.”

“I thought I told you to go to bed,” Severus said in a tight voice as he stumbled into the cabin.

Miranda quickly closed the book and went to him. His face was white as a sheet and he leaned heavily against the door after he closed it.

“You didn’t say please,” she replied, keeping her voice even. She knew the last thing he wanted from her was pity.

He gave her half of a painful smile and she wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He flinched and resisted at first, but then he gave a sigh of resignation and put some of his weight on her. She helped him limp first to the bathroom, and then to to the bed. She brought him a glass of water which he took with a shaking hand and gulped greedily. She brought him another which he managed to drink more slowly, and then she knelt to remove his shoes. He gave a hiss of pain as she pulled them off, but did nothing to stop her. She undid his cloak and the buttons of his frock coat. Although she worked as gently as she could, he could not completely stifle a moan as she removed them. When she was finished, she helped him to lie down and pulled out a cigarette. She lit it and held it out to him.

“I am not going to smoke that vile thing,” he snapped.

“Yes, you are,” she answered firmly. “It will help with the pain so you can sleep. 

He glared at her, but after a moment he relented and took it. He inhaled the first draught deeply and, as he exhaled, his face relaxed a bit.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” she asked.

He took another drag off the cigarette before replying, “No.”

She went to the other side of the bed and lay down next to him.

“Do you want me to touch you?” she asked.

“Yes.”

She laid her head carefully on his shoulder. He flinched as he wrapped his arm around her, but then seemed content. The room was dark except for the moonlight filtering in through the curtain and the red point at the end of the cigarette. The smoke curled in the dim light and she lifted a finger, swirling it into patterns. After a long time, Severus said, “He didn’t say anything about you.”

“I wasn’t worried about that,” she replied.

“I was.”

She frowned. “Do you think he knows about me?”

“I have no idea.”

She was quiet for a while and then said lightly, “I see the Dark Lord is less patient with your cheek than I am.”

He made a sound between a laugh and a groan. “Don’t get any ideas.”

“Did he have a reason, or was this just for fun?”

She thought he wasn’t going to answer, but after a while he said, “He was angry that my anti-venom was used to save one of his intended victims. But he doesn’t require a reason.”

She closed her eyes and wondered how long Severus would be able to play this part. She knew that he was brave and tenacious, but it seemed like a lot to ask of a man.

“I’m glad you’re back,” she said simply.

He made a scoffing noise as he blew out a line of smoke. “I’m surprised you would admit that.”

“Severus, I actually do like you. Most of the time anyway.”

“High praise indeed."

She laughed quietly. “I wouldn’t complain if I were you. It’s more praise than you’ve ever given me. And you’re already the most arrogant man on the face of the earth.”

“Fishing for compliments are we?”

She smiled. “From you? Why would I bother?”

He was silent for a long time, smoking down the cigarette. She went back to swirling the smoke into patterns with her finger, assuming that the conversation was over. 

He surprised her, however, by saying finally, “I realize that your powers of observation are no match for mine, but surely you are aware that I think you are magnificent.”

A blush spread over her cheeks and that giddy feeling bloomed in her chest. But she kept her voice light as she answered, “Of course. That goes without saying.” She paused and then added, “You do realize with all your mighty powers of observation that women like to hear that sort of thing once in a while, don’t you?”

“What bothersome creatures you are.”

His voice sounded exhausted, so she didn’t continue bantering with him. He finished the cigarette, snuffed it out in the ashtray on the bedside table, and wrapped his other arm around her as well. Gradually his breathing slowed and before long he had dropped off to sleep. She lay there awake for a long time, listening to his heartbeat. She really didn’t know what she would call their relationship and she doubted that it was the sort of thing that could last until death did they part. But she felt that she wanted to hold onto whatever it was that they had for as long as she could.

----------------------

End Notes:

“Cindy” is an American folk song

“Move Over” by Janis Joplin and “Me and Bobby McGee” by Fred L. Foster and Kris Kristofferson; both from Janis Joplin’s 1971 Pearl album.

Miranda would have been six when this album came out, but what are older brothers for?

“Song to the Moon” from Act I of Rusalka by Antonín Dvořák. Rusalka is based on Undine by Friedrich de la Motte Fouqué, which is a retelling of the little mermaid fairy tale. This is not the Disney version, or even the Hans Christian Anderson version: the prince dies and Rusalka (the mermaid) has to wander the earth as a spirit forever. It makes a great opera, though. Many fine sopranos have recorded this aria. My favorites are Renee Fleming and Lucia Popp.

Conor and Monica Rose (Miranda’s parents) flew out to see Rusalka at the San Diego Opera in January of 1995. The role of Rusalka became one of Renee Fleming’s signature roles after she sang it at the Seattle Opera in 1990. She would also have sung the performance in 1995 that the Roses were fortunate enough to hear.

The final bit of quoted text is from A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.

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Moonlight Masterpost+

<< Chapter Thirteen+

Chapter Fifteen+ >>

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Carnage in New York Thoughts

I’d actually recommend checking this out!

 I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect out of this novel. Carnage is such a simplistic character that a whole novel about him as the main antagonist was something I wasn’t sure could work. And yet for the most part it did.

 Because this a story most people aren’t going to have easy access to I’m copying in the plot synopsis as provided by the marvel.wiki:

  Dr. Eric Catrall flees carrying a briefcase containing a vial of "trigger" serum - a chemical compound that induces violent insanity in anyone exposed to even trace amounts. Pursued by a pair of FBI agents, he's cornered in an alley but is rescued by Spider-Man - who had been on his way home from attempting to spy on a local mobster.

Spider-Man returns home to his wife, Mary Jane, and tells her about his altercation with the feds. Their conversation is interrupted by the arrival of Aunt May, who tells Peter that she is three months behind on her payments for her house and that unless she makes the payment the following day it will be repossessed. Despite himself and MJ not being financially well-off themselves, Peter promises to help May any way he can, and agrees to accompany her to the bank.

At the supervillain prison known as the Vault, rookie Guardsman Craig Lynch taunts Cletus Kasady. The serial killer responds by unleashing his symbiote and transforming into Carnage, terrifying Lynch.

Going to the Daily Bugle Building to investigate Catrall the following day, Peter listens to J. Jonah Jameson and Robbie Robertson discuss the Bugle financing the "Feed 'Em All" event - an initiative to feed the homeless - about to take place in Central Park. On his way out, Ben Urich informs him that Cletus Kasady is being brought back to New York, where an experiment is going to be performed to separate him from his symbiote and kill it.

At a diner, Eric Catrall orders breakfast and overhears the news regarding Carnage, realizing the experiment could potentially render the trigger serum inert. He is cornered by the two FBI agents, but the owner of the diner confronts them with a shotgun and lets Eric flee.

As the Guardsmen fortify a derelict highschool in Brooklyn in order to prepare for the experiment, Spider-Man travels to the school in case Carnage manages to break free, feeling responsible for the monster's very existence due to having brought the Venom symbiote to Earth. As the experiment begins, Eric Catrall infiltrates the building by pretending to be one of the employees and then tosses the briefcase containing the trigger serum into the blast. This shorts out Carnage's containment unit and Spider-Man intervenes and fights Carnage before the Guardsmen open fire with their flamethrowers and sonic cannons. When the smoke clears, Carnage has escaped, and Eric Catrall is gone.

Catrall is eventually found by the police, having been intimidated by Carnage into revealing what the trigger serum is capable of. On the verge of a nervous breakdown, Catrall tells Spider-Man that he'd accidentally invented the trigger serum while working at the Lifestream Technologies tech firm, but after realizing the CIA intended to weaponize it he destroyed his notes and stole the only sample. Tearfully apologizes to Spider-Man, Catrall begs him to stop Carnage. Panicking about Carnage having escaped and being in possession of the trigger serum, Peter almost forgets his promise to help Aunt May, forcing Mary Jane to step in and cover for him. On the day of the Feed 'Em All, Carnage attacks a penthouse party just outside Central Park and slaughters several of the guests, declaring his intent to poison the food being served with the trigger serum. The gory aftermath is caught on one of the cameras filming the event. Seeing Carnage has Catrall's briefcase, Peter sets out to stop him.

Seeing the news coverage, Dr. Catrall - on the verge of a breakdown - attempts to escape police custody to stop Carnage and is fatally shot, dying peacefully as he decides to leave everything to Spider-Man. Spider-Man arrives in time to save one of the party guests from being thrown to his death, mocking Carnage about how poorly thought-out his plan is, since no-one would be stupid enough to eat food he'd openly tampered with. Carnage decides to massacre the assembled people the old fashioned way, attacking Spider-Man; but is defeated when Spider-Man electrocutes him, forcing the symbiote to recede into Cletus' body.

After Cletus is arrested and returned to the Vault, MJ commiserates with Peter over Dr. Catrall's death and Aunt May reveals she traded her wedding ring to pay off her debts. To prevent the trigger serum from falling into the wrong hands again, Spider-Man travels to Four Freedoms Plaza and turns it over to Mister Fantastic, who promises to find a way to safely dispose of it.

  I want to first of all talk about a few of the things that don’t work about this story as there aren’t that many.

The least of these is that Spider-Man’s defeat of Carnage was somewhat underwhelming. In part this is due electrocutions at best slowing Carnage down a bit and nothing more, a fact seen in ASM #363, the culmination of his debut arc.

However more significantly its the fact that, whilst far from a dues ex machina, in a novel surely the resolution to the central conflict should come from an element pre-established earlier in the novel. Sure, access to high dosages of electricity is perfectly plausible in New York city, but it seems something more satisfying as the resolution of a comic book storyline (particularly a done-in-one) as opposed to an entire novel.

A more significant critique pertains to Mary Jane.

MJ in this novel is at an odd crossroads with the writing.

It’s not so much WHAT she does or even how the story utilizes her but rather the presentation of her in the role.

I’ve no problem with MJ and Peter being in love, talking lovingly to one another, having sex or MJ worrying about him.

It’s hard to put into words but...well actually the words are exactly the problem. The prose used to describe MJ, her and Peter’s feelings for one another, her dialogue for me at least went a step too far into overidealization. It went into ‘isn’t it awesome Spider-Man has this sexy, loyal wife whom he has regular sex with’. I mean the last few lines of the novel pretty much leave you off with the fact that Peter got laid. And I use that term particularly. It’s not ‘Peter AND MJ had sex’. It’s ‘Peter got his way’, which sounds inadvertently sinister out of context, but what I mean is that the story places the emphasis upon Peter’s gratification over the fact that he gets to have sex with MJ, rather than being more equitable I guess. I don’t even mean the story was OBLIGED to have such a final line give balance to both characters, just like...more balance maybe.

I dunno, maybe this is just a me problem as I wasn’t fond of the presentation of the romance stuff in the Darkest Hours either.

I guess what I’m after is for them to reign in prose wherein poetic praise it heaped upon MJ, either in her looks or in her personality, in the context of how that makes her such a wonderful wife. Maybe communicate those sentiments but be more subtle and restrained about it. Again, maybe that’s just a me thing and I’m using comic book Spider-Man as too much of a framework for reference.

This isn’t to say Peter Parker’s Perfect Wife is ALL MJ amounts to in this novel. They do give her flaws in regards to feeling bummed about being out of work and have her ultimately resolve the B-plot. She does this by pawning her wedding ring in order to save Aunt May’s house. On the one hand, this does rather play into MJ as the perfect idealized wife, but on the other hand she’d have gone out of her way to help Aunt May regardless.

Speaking of that B-plot, I’ve got some mixed feelings regarding it. In an ongoing kinda sorta soap opera like Spider-Man having subplots ticking along is just fine, and they do not HAVE to reconnect to the main plot necessarily. But I feel in a self-contained novel subplots should either play into the resolution of the main plot or vice versa, or at the very least a character shift should result from one or the other that then plays into the main plot/subplot.

Here though, whilst homelessness is a plot element of the story and Aunt May is literally going to lose her home, it’s presence in the novel serves to at worst pad it out, and at best feels kind of....mandatory.

Like in a Spider-Man novel set in this time period, you’d expect MJ and/or Aunt May to show up and for there to be normal life drama for Peter to deal with alongside his Spidey life, drama that is probably negatively impacted by being Spider-Man.

And if this was like an annual, a one shot, or even a 2-3 part arc of ASM, that’d be fine. Here though in a novel...ehhhhhh...The kindest interpretation is that it exists to give MJ something to do but really the story could’ve been tweaked to give her something else to do (say have May work at the shindig for the homeless people*) or you could’ve omitted MJ and May entirely and supplanted their scenes with more development for Carnage, Peter or Doctor Catrall.

It’s not BAD per se, but it is a weakness. Compare and contrast to the Darkest Hours novel wherein the subplot regarding MJ learning to drive wound up being integral to the defeat of the villains.

Now I do not want to give the impression this novel is bad. It isn’t on balance.

In the grand scheme of things it’s a fun, not too long, Spidey adventure.

I’ll not talk too much regarding the audio nature of this production beyond saying that the narrator of choice was a huge improvement over the narrator of the Darkest Hours and particularly shone in the role of Carnage.

Speaking of Carnage, I spoke up top about how it’d be tricky to make him support a whole novel to himself, even one of this size.

But the story knew what they were dealing with, likely because Carnage’s co-creator David Michelinie provided an outline for the story and thus knew with Carnage less in more.

Indeed there are a grand total of just 4 scenes featuring Carnage at all in the whole novel. His introductory scene, the scene where he escapes, the scene where he ambushes the cocktail party and the final showdown.

It’s nicely succinct. One scene to set him up. One scene to let him out. One scene of him doing what he loves and one scene where he is stopped.

By making the Doctor Catrall storyline in-essence the main story for the first half of the story and then having Carnage basically hijack it thereafter, it allows the novel to organically have a full three act story without overusing Carnage. Catrall’s trigger serum is also a thematically appropriate plot device in a Carnage storyline as it in essence is a shortcut to achieving the world of violent chaos he longs for.

Not only is Carnage used well in the plot but he’s also well characterized. Perhaps due to the narrator’s vocal performance, Carnage genuinely feels scary in this novel, no more so than in his opening scene. Whilst obviously written long before this storyline, it’s reminiscent to me of his presentation in Absolute Carnage, where he is a pure horror monster through and through.

I don’t really have much else to say about this novel.

It’s not got as much meat to it (in any sense) as Darkest Hours did, but that doesn’t make it a bad read.

If you like Carnage and want a nice simple story of him being bad and Spidey stopping him, pick this up.

*I know when this novel was published Aunt May had yet to be associated with FEAST, but the reason everyone loved that direction for her was because it made the utmost sense. Having May work at the shindig would’ve better tied the plotlines together, amped up the personal stakes and spoken to who May as a person is. This is an elderly woman who’s willing to help the homeless even as she herself is at risk of losing her own home.

[hypmicwritingbutbad]

Samatoki’s reaction to his s/o getting into danger and injured because of his yakuza connections?

Ooooh I like this one!! I apologise for the delay and lack of activity– I was real busy yesterday;;; But today’s special: thank you all for 100+ followers already!!! ﾟ.+(〃ﾉωﾉ)ﾟ.+° I tried doing something different to celebrate so I wrote a scenario instead of the usual bullet point list, but dSLNds I love you all so much;;;;;

Tick, tock, tick, tock. The clock on the wall tells no lies, but Samatoki was honestly a stone’s throw away from flinging it to the ground and smashing it to a million pieces. Around him, the dim scenery of the living room in your apartment seemed only to amplify his worries; his shadow danced around the walls whenever he so much as moved, yet without yours to join it, it seemed… incomplete, in a way.

His legs twitched. You were supposed to have come back from work ages ago. The only time you usually stayed out this late was when you did overtime, but you would usually let him know in advance, right? Samatoki let his mind overflow with curses Juto would normally hit him for as he paced, shoving his hands in his pockets just to stop them from tearing at his hair.

Tick, tock, tick— GONG. He wondered if your cellphone was ringing as loudly as the Grandfather’s clock in the hallway, and if it was, why the hell you weren’t picking up. His chest tightened as scenario-after-scenario flooded his mind like water bursting from a dam. He saw you lying dead in a ditch; he saw you tied up and trapped in the booth of a white van; he saw your mangled body in the middle of the road and your blood splattered on the windshield of a dented car.

He saw the raw fear in his own face as he caught sight of his reflection in the black TV screen. Perhaps that was why the sound of the door unlocking was like music to his ears.

“You’re late!” He called, relief immediately settling down on his shoulders like a tired bird retiring to its nest. “What kept you—“

But that same relief soon turned sour the moment he laid eyes on your frozen figure in the hallway. His presence in your apartment seemed to take you by surprise as well; your hands instinctively flew to your clothes as you pulled up your collar and rolled down your sleeves. However, Samatoki’s eyes had already caught sight of the fresh injuries standing out like red and black tattoos on your skin— plus, your disheveled hair and the dirt smudged on your face told no lies.

“What the hell happened!?” Before you even had time to blink, Samatoki was by your side. “I thought you went to work, not war!”

He certainly didn’t expect to be greeted back with a sharp slap to his cheek. As he withdrew, momentarily paralysed by the force you’d injected into the gesture, the look of disgust on your normally-tender features took him by complete surprise. A shiver ran up his spine— if looks could kill, he would have certainly died in that moment.

“I should be asking the same question!” You shouted back. The hand you’d raised earlier to slap him with trembled, though he couldn’t tell if it was from anger or fear. “You’re into human trafficking now, I hear?! I’m disgusted!”

Samatoki stared at you, furrowing his eyebrows. “What are you talking about? Like hell I’d do something like that!! What I wanna know is what you’re all banged up— who did this to you!?”

You returned his look incredulously, eyes blazing with an anger he’d never once seen in your gentle countenance before. It scared him, but the adrenaline-fueled concern surging through his veins left that fear utterly redundant.

“I overheard some of the guys from your gang talking about their plans to trick some country girls into coming here! They’d promised them new jobs and good pay— but we all know where that often leads to, right?” You glared at him. “I got into a scuffle with them ‘cause I told them what a disgusting idea that was. They only fled after they remembered my connection to you.”

The bruises on your skin suddenly seemed so much more pronounced now that he was looking at you in better, brighter lighting. Dried blood caked the side of what looked like a split lip, plus were those… handprints around your throat? The more Samatoki looked, the more the anger bubbled inside his stomach like a volcano bordering the edge of an explosion… Yet despite this, he found that he couldn’t stop his shoulders from shaking no matter how hard he tried to control them.

“You idiot,” He whispered, sinking down onto the floor, “You stupid hotheaded impulsive idiot…!”

“You’re only describing yourself,” You retorted, dithering uncomfortably. He was on the floor but his grip on your hands was as tight as ever, which left you in a rather awkward position of neither-standing-nor-sitting.

From the angle he held his head down at, his silver hair hid his eyes. However, as he clung onto you like a lover terrified of having his soulmate torn from him before a storm, you felt your stomach twist itself into a mangled knot. It was so unlike Samatoki to display such vulnerability, and honestly as foreign as it was, it scared you. In a way, it was like witnessing a brick house fall into a pile of demolition and dust.

Crouching down next to him, you sighed a little as you rubbed his back. Perhaps you had been a little too harsh earlier, after all. “I take it you had no idea of this?” You asked, unable to keep the tenderness from returning to your words.

“I’ll frickin’ kill those bastards!” Samatoki growled— yet his arms found their way around you and soon you felt yourself being pulled close to his chest. “Stuff like that’s not how we operate… I’ve warned ‘em time and time again, but now they’re tryin to pull their weight behind the scenes?! Bastards!”

Upon hearing you wince quietly as previously-dormant wounds flared up in fleeting hisses of anger, he quickly loosened his grip— though he was careful to keep you close by him. You sighed once more, but all previous rage you’d initially thrown his way seemed to have dissipated in clouds of smoke now that the misunderstanding had been cleared up.

“I should go get cleaned up,” You said, standing up and patting the dust off your skirt.

You made to turn in the bathroom’s direction, but a strong pull at your hand rooted you in place. Samatoki’s crimson eyes, blurred with a watercolour dilute, met with your own.

“I’m sorry,” He blurted out; the uncharacteristic waver in his voice stung at your ears. “If only I’d kept them in line better, then— I’d— you wouldn’t—“

You saw his eyes widen in surprise as a small gust of air escaped your pursed lips. “Idiot. This isn’t your fault. It’s them who stepped out of line, and me who picked the fight anyways. You couldn’t have helped that.”

“Yeah, but they touched you!” He argued back, tone fluctuating with mixed emotions you could only pick out in parts. Holding his head in his hands, you saw his alabaster fingernails leave angry red marks on his skin as they let go. “They laid their filthy hands on you and hit you, and— ah dammit, just how the hell can I live knowing that because of me, you…”

“That’s enough now.” You said quietly, coaxing him to his feet.

Cupping his face open your hands, you pressed your forehead against his. You saw yourself reflected into those ruby eyes: tired, bruised and dishevelled, just so unlike the normal you that you prided yourself on being. Despite this, that same image was blurred by tears that held Samatoki’s pride at gunpoint and threatened to spill at any second. That man was just about as weak as you were in the moment.

“Dammit…” He finally whispered, closing his eyes.

The hot tears dripped onto the dusty fabric of your shirt like little droplets of rain before a drizzle, but you only pulled yourself closer to him and wrapped your arms around his chest. As tight as his embrace was, you too found a soothing sense of comfort that washed over your aching body. You only hoped that letting him know you were alright would stop him from trembling— it did hurt you to see him so shaken, after all.

After a moment’s silence, he finally spoke. “You didn’t give them the upper hand, right?” His voice was still a softer than usual, but you couldn’t blame him too much.

“No, not at all.” You affirmed, “I may be beat up, but you’d be proud to see the thrashing I gave them when you meet them tomorrow.”

He clicked his tongue, immediately tensing up. “I’ll frickin’ kill them. Those bastards are gonna be cutting off their fingers, whether they like it or not!”

“Let’s not get drastic, alright? I thought the yakuza stopped doing that ages ago.” You laughed. There was a moment’s silence before you leaned over, pecking him lightly on the cheek. “I’m sorry, Samatoki. I didn’t think it’d spook you so much.”

“What the hell? I just— you— Gah, I’m the one who’s supposed to be apologising!” Samatoki’s face turned beet red for an inkling of a moment before he looked away, flustered. His next words were barely audible, but you could feel the sincerity within them nonetheless. “…I swear, I won’t let this happen again, I promise you—“

“Mope all you want, but I want you to go back to being the same idiot Samatoki with the bad temper by tomorrow, okay?” You cut him off. Pulling at his hand, you led him down the hallway before shooting him a supportive little smile. “Come on now. I need help finding the first aid kit…”