#i’m mentally ill next

[angelnumber27]

Hi baby angels 😇 it’s about to be that time where I need help with getting a couple of my medications soon! It’s within a few days that I will be running out and I didn’t want to wait until the very last day/moment to try to scramble for a way to pay for them.

My cshapp is $juliagw :)

I have Venmo as well as PayPal, please DM me if you want my usernames to either of those and are interested in helping me 🙂

I am also selling content right now because I need my medications and I am hot. DM me if interested. You can see what I look like here

I need $80 total for the medications I need please help if you can.

I can make art for you if you want please just lmk what y’all are interested in <3

Thank you everyone so so so much 🖤 I’m so lucky and grateful to have and be surrounded by such a wonderful community on here.

[ripplethepickle]

So, there’s this trend goin around Twitter where people are drawing miku as various creepypasta/horror media in general so ya know I had to do the bogleech ones cus who else would. Started with the burg (transparent version under the cut)

[goferwashere]

In order to help get my homework done easier I pretend that I’m in the world of media that I’m currently obsessed with and it helps a lot

[threefuckencrowsinatrenchcoat]

Oh to be a man so distraught by my violent past that I move to a cabin in the middle of the woods by myself and spend my days whittling little sculptures in a rocking chair with my giant dog next to me

[milo-is-rambling]

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

[gregmarriage]

having such a good time right now!!! (is manic)

[ilikecheeseandchocolatee]

Vent post. Do not read if not in the right mental space.

At least this time I know I’m not wrong. My sister has double standards and she keeps denying it and I keep having to believe her because of my memory issues, I genuinely can’t be sure of my memories anymore and she is taking full advantage of that fact whether or not she’s aware that she’s doing so.

When we’re having a discussion if I’m not immediately agreeing with her she turns on me and gets “irritated”, during which she starts yelling. And I try to talk it out with her but suddenly she’ll refuse to continue the conversation and throw me out of the room saying she wants to be alone. Despite not having resolved whatever our issue was.

And I’ve noticed her doing that a lot of times so I can confidently say now that those memories are not fake. So I did the same right now. She started yelling at me trying to justify her behaviour (the behaviour that’s cost the rest of us a lot of our mental health), which id just pointed out because she was complaining about all the false accusations our parents throw at her. I was saying they’re not all false, which is when she turned against me and started yelling at me too, all the while saying that she wasn’t yelling. So I did the thing. I told her I don’t wanna talk right now and started closing the door. She started resisting, pushing my door open, and I did finally manage to win and close it and lock it, but then she banged on my door almost breaking it again, and then stormed off to her room and banged her door shut (I know that because the door slam was so loud that I could hear it from across the flat).

It’s fortunate that we have our own rooms now because 2 months ago I wouldn’t have been able to just cut off the conversation because I can’t go anywhere she can’t follow me (and I don’t wanna go to the bathroom because she would just yell at me through the door or wait for me outside and I do not wanna wait in the bathroom). When she throws me out of whatever room she’s in when SHE wants to stop talking I can’t do anything about it because I’m not the aggressive kid and if I start being aggressive our parents would get upset. They’re used to her aggression so it’s normal for her to do that stuff.

When I get aggressive like being more forceful with my actions it already makes my family weary but there have been times when I’ve also lost my temper and thrown things. I’m not allowed to even show my temper anymore because my mom’s mind is fragile, my sister would just retaliate with double force, and my dad would take it personally. So I have to keep it to myself and when it DOES come out, people get upset. But my sister yells at us all the time and gets away with it because my parents are used to it now. She played it well, whether she did it intentionally or not. Now she can do almost anything and still be treated normal while if I even so much as seek to be alone when I’m in a bad mood, my mom feels upset.

And thanks to my memory issues I can’t even be sure of most of my memories anymore, I know I have fake ones but I don’t know which ones. I forget events and important things which means I can’t hold my own in most arguments with my family. I just have to take their word for things and it’s making me slowly lose my sanity. At least I know that my sister demanding to be left alone isn’t a fake memory because it’s happened enough times and I’ve thought and fumed about it enough times. But the double standards just hurt now. I care about my sister a lot but it’s so hard for me to stay compassionate with her (like is required of me so I don’t trigger her) when she’s the exact opposite with me. It makes me feel like I’m getting pulled underwater with a bunch of things to hold onto but all of them keep snapping and breaking off every time I touch them. It feels worse than just drowning it feels like drowning while someone is consciously taking my chances of surviving away from me, and I know it.

This was supposed to be a short rant but it turned into this. I feel so out of control of my life right now. Nothing is going the way it should and I’m getting caught in a tide I didn’t create. Everyone else’s actions around me has created the whirlpool and I’m being pulled down with them simply because I’m in the vicinity. It’s a depressing existence and my mental health relapse isn’t helping things. I keep wanting to kill myself again, I keep almost forming plans before I remind myself I’m not supposed to be doing that. My SH urges are coming back too and I don’t want to ruin my clean streak but it’s becoming harder and harder to keep myself in check. I can’t afford a therapist and my parents are barely agreeing to keeping me on antidepressants. I shudder to think what life will go back to when I get off them. It’s so much better now than it used to be but if I can’t handle this anymore I’ll probably just end up killing myself the moment it all comes back. And I don’t even see what’s wrong with it anymore, which is a bad sign.

I’m tired of having to analyse myself and keep myself in check while also dealing with things that aren’t even under my control. I’m tired of the responsibility of my entire family’s mental health, my extended family’s expectations from me, and my ambitions in life. I’m tired of having to plan for my future, a future where I can’t even be sure which country I’ll be living in.

I know there are people with worse lives than mine that go through objectively horrible things but it feels like my brain is turning everything into torture for me. I hope soon I’ll be allowed outside my mind and I’ll get to see life as it really is. Not great but not awful either. This is just sad stuff at this point.

[boxwinebaddie]

sorry guys i'm alive, i swear, i'm just...

*sigh*

Cleaning. :/

[danielnelsen]

there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn

[abbey-abdominal]

I think I need a Vaggie tat

[ganseysglasses]

Good Omens fans how are we feeling right now? I actually had such a dramatic reaction to That Part in episode six that I skinned my elbow on the carpet of my floor so. Hope you guys are doing better than me right now !

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

To anxious anon and matyr author, Hozier is dropping a new song March 22nd I believe. So hurrah!

AAAAA YES

[honeypleasejustkillme]

if one more employer ignores my application, i will go full on batshit crazy.

tw angry caps

I AM TRYING SO DESPERATELY TO GET OUT OF MY SHITHOLE OF A FUCKING JOB AND NO ONE IS HIRING ME. WHY WHY FUCKING WHY WONT THEY JUST ASK ME FOR AN INTERVIEW?! IM NOT A TERRIBLE WORKER, IM TRYING MY FUCKING BEST

[foodlesoodlesdoodles]

Jack Griffin Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

Trying to make him look like a dnd side character but damn he look kinda

Also if I ever get around to drawing more of him I will do something no one will expect

[impossible-rat-babies]

actually no yeah I’m still bothered by The Things but several Other Things Aren’t Helping

[southislandwren]

Yeah I was fucking right by the way, he’s liked me since like last year and I’ve liked him since October so I really could’ve done something about this sooner, and also he’s not homophobic or transphobic yayyyyy