#i'm NOT a professional writer in any shape or form

[secretthegriffin]

A MOST RESTFUL NIGHT

summary: crosshair often fights his exhaustion, but tonight proved to be a little bit more difficult...

pairing: crosshair / fem! jedi ( can be seen as reader as they're unnamed)

A/N : so this is basically an excerpt from a story I'll never finish. I don't usually post what I write but I felt this is special. I also would like to point out I am in no way shape or form a professional writer so I'm sorry if there's mistakes but anyways this is mostly in cross' pov. and its super fluff. with softie and slightly touched starved cross. so no warnings. :)

He sat alone in the darkness of the shuttle. All of his crewmates have been asleep for some time now so the ship was especially quiet. He held his fire-puncher with his supplies, ready to relax and clean the weapon. Most of the time his rifle hardly needed it. Alas he cleaned the damn thing so much though it turned habitual. Often avoiding sleep entirely he would indulge himself with said habit until complete exhaustion. It is so cleaning his rifle, he found himself entirely lost in the activity. He didn't even notice the hesitant figure approaching him from the shadows of the ship.

"How can you see? Its so dang dark" she sighed.

Almost startled, he looked up from the gun speechless. There the jedi stood as breathtaking as ever, standing before him.

"I don't need the light, I can see in the dark". He replied sarcastically.

Avoiding the jedi's sleepy eyes, he took her in. she wore her regular jedi robes, except she had a tightly fitted tank and shorts on as if she threw the robes over her sleep wear.

"figures" she yawned stretching her hands above her to the ceiling. cross was thankful it was dark, she wouldn't see his hawk like eyes devour every inch of her as she stretched. From her pretty face and soft curves down to her beautiful breasts and long smooth legs. Cross would be lying to himself if he said she wasn't attractive. Maker, she was down right the most stunning jedi cross had ever laid his eyes on. He keenly watched as she carefully made her way through the dark to the opposite side of the sofa he sat on. yawning once more she gestured to the rifle.

"Well, go on" she proclaimed.

"What?" He was taken aback a bit to be honest.

"Don't let me stop you from cleaning the damn thing". Gesturing once more to the rifle, but with a smile.

That damn smile. It made cross's heart flutter a bit. She could never know what she does to him. She made him felt things one never thought could exist. He hated it. Hated she made him felt this way. And yet. He hated how much he loved it. oh so much. With heat rising to his face, he smirked. going back to his business. Basking in the warm feel of her watchful eyes as he silently cleaned the weapon. He didn't quite understand why she watched. But he also didn't really care. He loved the idea of being the very object of her interest in this moment.

"Its soothing". She whispered. as if reading his mind.

"Excuse me?" He whispered back.

"The noise. Watching you...its.. Meditating" she hummed, closing her eyes.

"hmm". He didn't really know what to say, she must be especially tired.

"Can I get a better view?" Her bold question surprised cross a bit, making him stop suddenly to directly look at her.

"What do you mean?"

She huffed. her cheeks going pink as she smiled at him again, turning his insides to mush.

"Like this". She lifted his arm off his lap and gently adjusted herself to lay across his lap so her head rested on his thigh, looking at the rifle and his hands.

"Now I can watch closely and comfortably." she said quietly lifting her hands to snuggle between her head and his thigh.

"If I didn't know any better, sweetheart, I'd think you're looking for a different kind of entertainment tonight". He teased with a chuckle. Though he was not so subtly trying to hide the fact he was entirely flustered by the closeness. He couldn't take his eyes off her beautiful face. The warmth of her body on his thighs sent shivering chills through his body. Maker what he wouldn't give to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer to him, into his lap.

she giggled at his response but playfully smacked his leg.

"shut up. now c'mon, I'm trying to meditate." she insisted.

Looking down onto the gorgeous jedi, Cross gladly went back to his rifle, but not without a stupid smug smile on his face.

She watched intently as his skillful fingers cleaned the rifle. His hands were so carefully delicate as he took the weapon apart. She was surprised the mean marksman could care enough about something to treat it so. Watching as if he was an artist, it relaxed her. Sighing as she slowly fell asleep to the soft clanking of the metal.

As soon as Cross noticed she was soundlessly asleep, he thanked the stars for such a moment. His gun long forgotten, Cross silently studied her features and the gentle rise and fall of her chest. She looked so gorgeously peaceful and so serene. and so perfect against his lap.

"Mesh'la". He breathed. Gently brushing loose strands of hair from her face. His hands trembled as he ever so lightly with the tips of his fingers traced her face. they ached to reach out and hold her, but he could never let himself do that. After some time she began softly snoring. So with a tired and heavy sigh Cross tucked his arms under her, lifting her to his chest bridal style. He slowly and carefully made his way to her bunk. Softly laying her against the cot. But as he turned to go to his own cot, her hand reached out to his wrist stopping him.

"Do you wanna lay with me?" she whispered. She sounded so tired, and so beautiful. Cross sighed another heavy sigh, he too was tired. hesitating, he slid next to her, not touching her, but sitting awkwardly just next to her. He eyed her as she lazily curled herself next to his side, falling back to sleep. for a moment he thought about going to his own bed. until she reached out in her sleep, wrapping her arm across his chest to snuggle into his side. cross's heart completely stumped. He completely gave into his feeling he was never going to beat, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as close to him as possible. He curled into her, almost melting. Soaking in the warmth of everything her. He felt so undeniably comfortable, he wished the stars this wasn't a cruel dream. As he held her tighter to his chest he succumbed to the drowsiness he'd been avoiding for so long. Loosing another internal battle. Falling oh so deeply into a blissful slumber.

-----the end---- <3

[hyperesthesias]

Can you actually write something smutty for Viktor? Or just a guide on how to? I really want to write some Viktor smut, but I'm worried I won't do his disability justice as I'm able bodied and a dumbass

Of my twelve years on this webbed site, this has got to be the best ask I have ever received lmao

I would be happy to help, friend. I'll answer this in two parts.

Yes, I am planning on writing Viktor smut for Viktor x Anya. I had a lot happen in the year since I made the post you're referencing, but I've finally been able to get back into fandom stuff. I wanted to lay some backstory with them first though, as I am apparently a PWP kind of person lmao. It's coming soon! (No pun intended).

You've taken the first great step in recognizing that your experience and knowledge may not be congruent with potential portrayal, and therefore asking for advice. I don't mean to sound patronizing at all. I am an author and I have seen many professional authors that don't do this, so you're already ahead of the game! I wouldn't consider that dumbassery in any way, shape, or form.

I'll put the rest under a cut due to the nature of this post.

*Disclaimer to this is, of course, I don't speak for every disabled person, this list isn't extensive, and these are my opinions.

I, personally, operate under the assumption that Viktor has Post Polio Syndrome. Looking at photographs (x, x, x) it's pretty clear the animators used PPS as a framework for Viktor's movements and posture, as well as his mobility and assistive devices. People with PPS often develop need for braces, canes or crutches, and treatment for scoliosis -- all of which Viktor has. You are more than welcome to headcanon something different, as I don't believe the writers or animators have ever confirmed or denied PPS, but based on my own experience and research, I would bet money on it.

That being said -- regardless of PPS, or otherwise -- the first thing to consider when writing smut for any disabled character is fatigue. It may not be the obvious thing, as mobility devices often are the first thing to catch an observer's eye. But there is so much that goes on beneath mobility devices. Fatigue is a big one.

Consider the worst flu you've ever had -- all the time, every day, even in your sleep. It can be maddening, like you can't get any relief -- even if you take pain reliever or use other analgesics. Most people with a severe flu aren't exactly in the mood to be frisky, especially spontaneously. Many physically disabled people rely on preplanning. Having a date night where they can plan for extra pain reliever, or where they can schedule the rest of their day or week to conserve energy for a special night. The psychological energy that people need to conserve alone can take a lot of effort. Being disabled is also mentally exhausting, especially when you have a partner and their needs to consider. Giving a disabled person time to prepare for sex (or other tasks) is essential.

Related to that, is the fact the energy levels aren't always consistent. A disabled person and their lover could be going at it like rabbits for a while and then suddenly the disabled partner may need to stop because their "battery" (their physical energy levels) has run out. They may need a break for a few minutes, or they may just need to end the sexual encounter altogether.

The worst thing you (or your character) could do is take this personally. It has nothing to do with their partner, it's their body that is (frustratingly [on many levels]) not cooperating.

Something to toy with (no pun intended) when writing characters with energy level deficits is vibrators. Twice the work with half the effort. Don't be afraid to write smut with toys and vibrators -- it doesn't even have to be kinky. Toys and vibrators are normal and vanilla, all things considered. The only reason they haven't been normalized is because of patriarchal standards as to what sex is and is supposed to be.

The second thing to consider is physical limitations of positions and potential discomfort. I've seen several fanfic writers describe situations and positions that Viktor simply would never be able to do (e.g. lifting his partner onto a table or desk).

Viktor doesn't have a lot of strength. That's not to say he can't be rough or that all smut has to be vanilla. But realistically, it's absurd to think that he can lift someone else or manhandle them with any force, or thrust at the speed of light (💀). He also doesn't have any balance whatsoever post Act I. During Act I, he's able to hobble somewhat without his cane, as long as he has something to hold onto, as seen in episode three. But in Acts II and III, his balance issues combined with scoliosis would make any positions where he has to stand much more difficult.

Therefore, if you're wanting to write a scene somewhere outside of a bedroom (e.g. the lab, his office, etc.), he'd need something to balance himself. Seated sex is a great concept to play with -- very disability friendly and offers many options for all sorts of scenes. Desk/table sex is also realistic, as long as your character lifts themself onto the desk or table, and he's able to lean on it.

Scenes that take place in the bedroom also have their own limitations. He has zero use of his right leg, which means he'd need more time to get in and out of different positions. Missionary would take a toll on his back, I'd imagine, from being hunched over -- not that he couldn't do it at all, but that was more of a sidenote. Having your character straddle him, while his back was supported, is probably the most comfortable position I can imagine. Or spooning. Or maybe doggy, though I think his back and hips might get tired. But I'm just spit balling at this point. Utilizing objects from the setting is important -- pillows, having your character bent over the back of a couch, etc. This is where creativity comes in -- it's just important to keep in mind where his limitations are located on his body: his back and his leg/hip.

There are also adaptive devices for sex and disabilities.

One final thing I want to say is: don't overcorrect. This is common. It's one thing to keep a character's disability in mind, but it's another to make a disability the entire character. Just because Viktor is disabled doesn't mean he can't have the filthiest, most disgusting, raw, life changing, I-should-visit-a-confessional type of sex. However you headcanon him to be in bed is exactly how he can be. If you see him as a cruel Dom, he absolutely can slap the shit out of whoever has the pleasure of being beneath him, while he makes them beg for his mercy -- with his back and leg supported. If you see him as a bratty sub, he can be that, too -- while he lies there with a back pillow to relieve pressure off his spine. If he's the plainest, blander-than-vanilla type of lover, that's exactly what he is -- while he takes a few extra minutes to move from one position to the next. If he's any combination of those things, more power to you.

The point of writing a scene, is the point you're trying to make. Meaning: a lot of writers worry about conveying ideas and settings perfectly and with detail, while losing sight of the main point of their story. Rarely will you ever have to add paragraphs to a piece of writing in order to convey something, especially if it's not the main point. Often, it only takes one or two sentences. Keep the main point of the scene in mind. If you're writing a fic where Viktor and your character are secretly getting it on in the lab, then the point and the idea of that scene is the forbidden sex they are having. Not necessarily his limitations. You can easily acknowledge Viktor's disability by saying something like: 'Viktor sat on a chair at the far end of the lab, away from the door's line of sight. He leaned his back against the seat, allowing his spine to settle, before he coaxed his lover onto his lap. His lover straddled his legs, reaching to kiss his neck, while his hand trailed up their thighs...' You've successfully conveyed the limitations he has in two sentences, while maintaining the focus of your scene, and without reducing Viktor to a caricature of his disability. Less is more throughout your fic.

As a side note, which is completely my headcanon -- and something I've vaguely alluded to in my Viktor x Anya fics -- is that Viktor also has erectile dysfunction as a result of the PPS. Polio is a neurological virus, meaning is attacks the nerve cells, the main cause of the atrophy in PPS. It isn't common, but it's not uncommon for males with PPS to struggle with ED. As such, in my own personal stories, I have mentioned that Viktor takes medication to help with it. Sildenafil (the generic for Viagra) is a medication that specifically targets nerves.

That's my own person interpretation, though, and has no bearing on what we seen in Arcane lol.

To close this off for now, I want to reassure you that your efforts count and they matter. No one will write any depiction of disability 'perfectly'. Disability is unique to every person, and one person's spinal disability will look different to another's. Even people with the exact same diagnosis and prognosis will differ in how they experience it. You're not a dumbass. You're very intelligent to recognize the need for external resources. Enjoy yourself, enjoy the work you write, and keep asking questions.

If and when you decide to write your Viktor smut piece, I would love to read it. And likewise, if you'd like to read what I write I'd be happy to send it to you! If you're comfortable coming off anon, you can message me privately and we can talk more!

[ddarker-dreams]

lock as one of my favourite authors ever could I ask your advice?

I've had this one fan fic idea which has not left my brain for probably a year now and I'm desperate to bring it to life. I've got so many moments planned out in my brain. The only problem is I dont have any experience with writing a fan fic in series form and I'm not that confident in my ability to bring it together.

Should I practice writing before I delve into it or just go for it even if it isn't the best?

gjkldsjglks one of your favorite authors 🥺... i'm deeply honored thank you omg...

i get where you're coming from though. writing a series for the first time is intimidating. it's natural to have some apprehensions, especially if it's an idea you have a specific vision for. i remember how unprepared i felt when i started working on HWR, i really had no idea what i was doing. only vibes. so you're not alone.

that being said, i fully encourage you to write your idea. imo, there's never a point as a writer where you're 'ready' or 'not ready' to tackle a labor-intensive work. getting the specific experience you need to bring your story to life comes best from working on the story itself. you'll get a feel for where your strong suits are and the areas that need some improvement. my advice is to start by focusing on what you feel best at, so the parts that aren't shaping up as you envisioned don't discourage you. those can come later.

your initial go at it might not be 'the best' BUT first drafts rarely are. first drafts are for getting the Vision™ down and seeing what does and doesn't work. i'm anything but a professional so take this with a grain of salt, but i've found that waiting until the end to do serious editing helps my motivation and flow immensely. i'll finish a chapter/one-shot/what have you then comb through it multiple times, pruning and rewriting until i'm content.

it feels like a massive undertaking, but as you keep at it, watching how everything shapes up is such a satisfying experience. you've got this anon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[odessa-castle]

NLTS might just be one of my favorite fics of all time. The characterizations, the banter, the tension - it's all 10/10 (and I loooove all the little nods to Shakespeare).

Your Cazador is truly menacing and has such a looming presence for a character who doesn't appear much on the page. You mentioned in an earlier ask that you deliberately built Cazador and Astarion's dynamic on the emotional language of intimate partner violence (which I think is so heartbreakingly accurate). If you feel comfortable, could you talk a little more about that choice, why you made it, and/or how it shaped your writing?

Beyond excited for part two!!

Thank you so much! NLTS has come to mean a lot to me, and I'm glad this story means something to other people, too.

As far as Cazador and Astarion's dynamic and IPV goes, I think I did mention in the tags that I had a lot to say on the subject, and I do, but I'm going to put it under a cut for fairly obvious reasons. Read on at your discretion.

So! Vampires. You can do a lot of things with vampires, and with the sire-childe relationship in particular. I'm not going to do a whole scholarly review here or anything, but suffice to say that it is inherently, to some degree, a relationship based on power and control, and the transgressive nature -- the blurring of boundaries between parent and lover, the interplay between sex and death, etc. -- is part of the horror and part of the appeal. Also, biting is sex, and the issues of consent arising from the former are extrapolated onto the latter. Again, there's a lot of room to play with metaphor here, depending on the story you want to tell, but if it's not kinda fucked up, then why even bother?

Astarion and Cazador's relationship is likewise one where a number of different lenses can come into play, depending on what you're interested in exploring. I do think one of the draws of Astarion's story is the way that it takes certain conventions that pop up around vampires and strips the layer of metaphor away -- Astarion's sexual abuse is explicitly a part of his story in a way that I (and many others) didn't expect to see presented so frankly. And I knew I wanted to do some of that metaphor-stripping myself when I wrote this.

The fantasy/supernatural elements let you really go to some extremes when you're writing about Astarion's abuse, and Cazador is awful enough that almost any horror you can come up with is something he'd plausibly do to Astarion. And there are some evil geniuses in this fandom. The things I've seen people do with torture and body horror, with mind control, with sheer sexual depravity -- chef's kiss. I love you guys. I don't think that's where my strengths as a writer necessarily lie, though, and it wasn't quite what I wanted in terms of either theme or tone for this story. I wanted both Wyll's and Astarion's loneliness and low self-worth to be grounded in something really emotionally recognizable, in part so they could recognize these things in each other, and I wanted to show off the...quieter moments of their trauma, almost. The critical voices they've internalized; their self-censoring and self-deprecation; the things they've normalized that really shouldn't be normal, actually.

I'm not going to get too deep into the nature of my interest in IPV. Suffice to say that I have both personal and professional experience in that area, and that like all artists, I bring pieces of myself into the things I create. What I can say is that I don't think I've ever encountered an IPV survivor who didn't experience some form of emotional abuse as part of that power and control relationship, and that a lot of survivors have talked about how that can be the hardest thing to recover from, because it gets so deep inside your head. It warps the way you view yourself; it distorts the way you see the world. You carry your abuser's voice with you, whether or not they're there. And it's not easy to make it go away. It's not easy to make the emotional conditioning go away, to disentangle the survival mechanisms you've had to develop once you no longer actually need them to survive. These things hold true with, like, basically every form of ongoing abuse, they're not necessarily unique to IPV, but they're a big part of IPV nonetheless. (And they're certainly things we see from a lot of the companions in-game, Astarion very much included. Gotta love how his immediate response to you initiating the breakup conversation is "did I do something wrong?")

I do know that discussions of the exact nature of Cazador's abuse of Astarion can get, uh, fraught. I do think Cazador's sexual objectification and possessiveness of Astarion are, well, text, and Cazador certainly uses other people as proxies to enact sexual violence on Astarion. I didn't include, and don't plan to include, any outright sexual contact between them on-page because I think the point comes across clearly enough without it (and because jesus, enough stuff happens on-page in NLTS, there needs to be a balance if I don't want to turn the story into one giant downer). For me, the crux of their dynamic lies in one of Astarion's first descriptions of Cazador: a man obsessed with power -- not political power, but power over people.

Cazador might think of himself as rational and in control of his own actions and passions -- a lot of abusers will tell you that they're just being logical, you're the one bringing your emotions into everything -- but in reality, he is obsessed with his control over Astarion. When he feels like that control is being threatened, he sees it as a direct assault on his own self-image and power and masculinity, and he takes it out on Astarion to convince them both that Astarion still belongs to Cazador. I don't think Cazador wants Astarion's love, necessarily; I don't think he knows what love actually is, anymore. I think he wants Astarion's true submission -- and he's never going to get that, because Astarion obeys him out of fear, not trust, and trust is what submission actually requires. (As is choice, which is also a thing that Cazador does not and will not give Astarion.) Basically, the closer Wyll and Astarion get, the more Cazador gets caught up in these dominance games, and those are ultimately him pissing on a lamppost rather than him accomplishing anything.

And I do write him as fixated on Astarion to a degree that he isn't with the other spawn. He doesn't really care about Dalyria taking Branwyn as a lover, for example, because whether rightly or wrongly, he doesn't perceive that as a threat to his control over her (or as a threat to his own self-image); he could tell her to stop, and she would, without him needing to compel her obedience. But Cazador doesn't feel as secure of his ownership over Astarion, for good reason, and that plus his sexual obsession makes him act Totally Normal about all this.

In NLTS, Cazador is, generally, not reacting to what Wyll and/or Astarion are actually doing. He's reacting to perceived threats to his ego, whether or not those threats have any basis in reality. Cazador breaks Astarion's rib because he wants to break Astarion's rib. It's not even sensible as a punishment, but it makes Cazador feel powerful, and it makes Astarion feel worthless. As I mentioned in an earlier post, he makes Wyll's gift to Astarion all about himself instead because it's a way of soothing his ego, and because, at that point, he's still thinking of Wyll as an easily-controlled dupe. Things change once Wyll duels Lord Andoril -- Cazador's proxy and mouthpiece -- over Astarion, and wins. It doesn't matter what Astarion did or didn't do. It matters that, to Cazador, someone publicly challenged his ownership of Astarion and got away with it, and Wyll is the kind of threat that (at this point) Cazador can't simply have killed and be done with it. The fallout for Cazador's business prospects isn't great, sure, but it's also not really what he cares about most. But really, the thing most getting in the way of Cazador's political ambitions in this story is...Cazador himself. Even if he'd tell you otherwise, because Cazador's not exactly self-aware.

This is also the point where Cazador being low-key annoyed that Wyll wants Astarion for something other than his body turns into Cazador becoming Big Mad about that fact, because Cazador cannot handle the idea of Wyll laying claim to some part of Astarion that he himself doesn't have access to. (Yes, this is a really fucked-up way for him to frame the fact that Wyll, you know, sees and values Astarion as a person. But well, Astarion is not and never has been a person to Cazador.) On some level, Cazador isn't wrong about this, either -- Wyll genuinely is a threat to his control over Astarion. But because Cazador is a petty, jealous little tyrant of a man who doesn't understand love, he catalogues this threat as Astarion offering his submission to another man. Astarion having his own autonomous wants and desires is, obviously, not something that crosses his mind. When Wyll is exiled, Cazador fully gives himself over to his inner green-eyed monster, and abandons all pretense of self-control or calculation. Cazador forcing Astarion to enjoy -- or well, take physical pleasure in -- his own rape is, among other things, Cazador trying to brute-force Astarion's submission.

The thing about power and control relationships is that the abuser never really feels secure in them. Nothing is ever good enough; everything can become a new ego threat. Cazador is alone, and he's miserable, and really, he's made himself that way.

One commenter really hit the nail on the head in Chapter 14: I was like "oh now wyll won't be a useful political tool," as if Cazador was some kind of evil political mastermind, rather than an evil horrible monster. There is, indeed, an evil political mastermind in NLTS -- but it's Enver Gortash, not Cazador Szarr. Gortash does more in half a chapter than Cazador does in basically the entire fic. In NLTS, Cazador is not a monster because he's a powerful and terrifying supernatural being -- although he is also that. He's a monster because he's a jealous tyrant who can't see past the tip of his own nose. And honestly, I think that makes for a scarier villain.

[splathousefiction]

I have been in the creative field since I was 18. While I am most popularly known for my work here at Splathouse, "Jack The Warlock" isn't the only face I've worn in the 16 years I've been making things in a professional space.

In no particular order, a (in)complete list of projects I either created myself or have been a part of is below the jump. Details at this time will be kept vague. You are welcome to make your guesses and DM/Comment down below. If you get it right, I'll tell you.

An actual hard-copy account with my complete involvement along with website addresses, email accounts and passwords is currently within my safe in my own hand writing. It's to be scanned and made public upon my death, serving as (if nothing else) a testament to "try everything".

I started an absurdist magician sect. I was originally inspired by chaos magic theory, but sought to refine their ideals. As such, it takes the element of the concept of belief itself as a malleable thing that can shape the world without ever being spoken or made physical via ritual work. "If you think it, it can happen"-be that in the ego or the id. The sect is still operating internationally today and has over 100 members. We're small, but we're there. None of the members have ever met me or have any idea who I am.

I've published two short-horror collections as a female author in her forties. They were released for free and are pretty openly available almost everywhere you can pirate books. The books are incredibly popular with queers, with booktok most notably covering them pretty hotly for a month. None of my readers have absolutely any idea I am behind both collections and still send emails (without hope of ever getting a response) today. Many assume I'm dead.

I released an experimental dark fantasy hip-hop EP that was inspired by this album by Earl Sweatshirt and MF DOOM. It's a five track album that totals in at 21 minutes. Much like the horror anthology collection above, each track can be enjoyed by itself, but when played in sequential order tells a Berserk-like story. The album took six months of my life and features encoded secret messages in the audio, with the "lore" being that it's a form of sigil magic. To date, it is the most popular audio project I have ever recorded and vastly surpasses anything I have ever made for Splathouse. Absolutely no one knows that the vocals, the producer and the song writer are one guy, nor do they know it's me. They've been waiting for a follow up EP for years. I will never release another one.

I have been a writer and creative director for several ARGs. One of which was a darling of the early days of Youtube Explainer videos. The project "concluded" because I was intensely disgusted by the growing cottage industry of "curators" destroying the mystery of such things. As they still do this and have careers directly profiting off the creative works of others, I see no need to join such a project ever again. Absolutely no one involved in the projects had any idea who I am, and the projects I started myself have never once been connected back to me.

I've co-wrote several webcomics. One or two of which gained middling popularity. No one working on these projects has absolutely any idea as to who I am or my larger sphere of work. I left the field because of audience treatment of webcomic creators.

I've had original artwork I created featured in multiple gallery showings that highlighted "abstract" and "outsider" art, back when I still enjoyed doing artwork. Anything you find by me on deviant art in the "Splathouse" era was me attempting to wrap my head around digital art; my neuro divergency prefers physical mediums. Every single one of these submissions was under a different name chosen at random.

I've acted in precisely two indy movies under a popular name used by directors who don't want their names attached to projects. Film buffs know the one. I was the lead character in one and the side character in another. The films are connected, but aren't sequels, a series, nor is there a prequel involved. The films were highly experimental and shot in the "guerilla"/"Gonzo" tradition. They went through the indy circuit and won [insert number of awards here]. I wasn't compensated nor were the films profitable. We didn't care and I haven't spoken with anyone from the cast since, who simply asked for a name and nothing more. Some of them are still in the industry. One of them is a reasonably successful B-movie director now.

I've created several text adventure games. Most people are familiar with the Splathouse ones, which released in the early 2010s. What they aren't familiar with are the ones I released on itchio under an different name with a disposable email address. The games were reasonably popular with that niche sector of the gaming community, and still get regularly recommended.

There's more I could add to this, but I feel I'm done for now. It's late, I've work in the morning.

If you've made it this far in the list and you're still curious-no, you aren't going to get me to tell you any details about any of these projects. Even my best friends couldn't get that out of me. If you're curious as to why I did literally any of this, the reason is two fold:

Because I could.

why not?

[allylikethecat]

life is stressful right now lol but seeing any kind of ally update eases my mind so i was wondering about 17, 18, and 24 for the writer asks! hope you’re well!! 🥰

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that life is stressful right now 🥺 I'm at least happy to hear that my updates can help in any way shape or form! Is there a specific fic you would like to see me update next? If so I will try by very best to get it done next! Also - sending you lots of good vibes!! ✨

Thank you so much for sending in these fic writer questions! If anyone else wants to send some my way the list can be found here!

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic?

So many things. After all the research I did for the A&E fic I was like "I am basically a medical professional" and all my friends that ACTUALLY work in health care were like "lol you are barely qualified to hand out bandaids" and I was like... "well I guess you're right." My google searches while working on that one were WILD I kept getting popups from Google with crisis management hotlines telling me I wasn't alone 😭 The DUMBEST thing I learned while researching a fic was for the Infection Verse Christmas Fic, and that was when I learned that Belgium is only a 2 hour train ride from London which sparked an entire debate in my friend group about how when we all went to the UK last year, and I was suckered into going back to Paris (my least favorite city) for the night, I could have gone to Belgium and had a BELGIUM WAFFLE IN BELGIUM for a shorter train ride. Don't worry though, I've made such a big deal about it that I'm going to get my waffle when I go back this summer 😎 The things we learn while researching fic lol

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

Another line I really liked is from the Infection Fic Verse Christmas Fic - It's Christmas (So This is Gonna Be a Nightmare) It gave me Pete Wentz vibes personally, and it might seem pretentious and ridiculous to the reader but WOW did it make me go hell yeah this is ridiculous and I love it: Despite how fucking happy he was, he also couldn’t recall a time when he had been more paranoid that one wrong move could send the fragile house of cards that was his life crumbling down around him like waves against the shore beating down a sandcastle.

24. Share a moodboard for (one of) your current WIP(s).

Oh god, okay SO I've never made a moodboard before BUT I have just attempted to throw one together for my upcoming Equestrian AU - all of the pictures came from Pintrest I apologize if this is horrific my Equestrian AU is my self indulgent baby at the moment which is why it is the fic that gets the mood board lol I also have no idea if I even did this right because I've never made one before...

Thank you so much for sending in this ask and for reading and for your continued support! I hope things start to get less stressful and that you have a great rest of your week!

❤️Ally

[my-mt-heart]

"Imagine that. People who write for TV showing their passion for TV like any other fan hahaha :P My fics are nothing to be intimidated by, so at least there's that."

Long-form fiction is a completely different way of thinking about story from dialogue and character/camera cues. There's all that exposition and introspection, so fandom writers are way ahead of us :) Plus, there are other occupational hazards: I keep thinking, "We'll have to hire a snake handler/stunt specialist/intimacy coordinator," or "Do I really want to shoot where there are centipedes and scorpions?" and "What are the tax incentives of [insert state]?" Production costs and logistics are always at the back of my mind when I write.

MT doesn't want me to read her fic, but I did comment on one of her scenes, so my thoughts on that should be somewhere further back on the blog. I've read one story, which was beautifully evocative (and I'd love to see how that writer's skill set would translate to scriptwriting). There's definitely talent in the fandom regardless of what your day job entails :D

"Writers with a lot more power like LaToya or SF, I don't know. I'd have to read something of theirs to find out :P"

I just grope around in the dark until something takes shape :P I'm a decent plotter and that's pretty much all there is to my supposed superpower. (I need to visualize that one scene in my mind, which will set the tone for the project, before I can break a plot.) Finding time for extracurricular writing is the problem, but you could've already read something of mine and not noticed because it was unremarkable. Online comments on my work tend to run the full spectrum—you can't have an ego in this business or it'll be a one giant bruise lol

[SF]

Makes sense you'd have to remember to take your production hat off. Occasionally I'll find myself wondering if something I write is going to clear, but for the most part it's the exposition, introspection, and oh god sensory detail I struggle with. While I do like some extra emotional language in my scripts if possible, I'm used to having to be concise, letting the scenes speak for themselves, and relying on others to help me fill in the details. I get overwhelmed at the prospect of having an unlimited amount of space to describe where someone is, what they're thinking, what they're hearing, tasting, smelling, etc. So yes, lots of respect for the amazing fic writers out there who have all of that down. I will probably stick to writing scenes from now on (you're allowed to read those lol). Unless I get an idea in my head that I can't fight no matter how hard I try. We all know how that goes.

Hear you on the time constraints for sure. It's also possible we've read something of yours, thought it was spectacular, and just don't know to connect it to you. I completely agree being a professional writer doesn't make someone more qualified to contribute to fandom. But I also like to think that most women don't get to your position without having a modicum of talent that can still translate to different mediums. Which is just to say, I'm confident there's room at the table for you among the greats. Including but not limited to @silversundown2 @waynedunlaptheorgandonor @spanishrose2002 @gunmetal-ring @lighteneverything @rubberchickeny, @sienna27, fairiesmasquerade (I still need to check out sienna's and fairies' work, but I take everyone's word for it), and if she doesn't mind, I'd also like to give a special shoutout to TheWrotetoFreedom on 9L. Friends, if you haven't read her stories, please do, especially if you're looking to fill the spinoff void. By the end, you'll be dying for more just like I am 0.o

[astrovian]

A book tour in Australia and New Zealand would be lovely, don't you think?? Just a week to do both countries... not asking much.

look, I'll be honest here, if I thought there was a way we could get Richard to come visit NZ/Aus I would 1000% do it no matter what

if we needed to fundraise the costs of the trip? I'm there. if we need to drum up local support/hype? I'm there. he wants to do a book tour? I would love to have my school invite him to talk to the English & Drama kids about his work(s)/job. I'd have the school say yes in a heartbeat

but (sorry to get real here for a sec) I think it's extremely wishful thinking that he would be interested/find the time in his schedule to do so

and that's certainly nothing against him - he's a busy man with a busy life and, quite frankly, he has better things to do than to fly halfway round the world to do a meet & greet with some strangers. we're not entitled to his time in any way, shape, or form & I certainly won't pretend otherwise

the only realistic way I can see him coming again is for a con and, for various reasons, he doesn't do a lot of those (let alone ones down here). I'm not saying it's impossible, it's just highly improbable

if he wanted to lean into it? he could be a special guest on a hobbiton tour! come to talk to aspiring actors/writers/students! come sign Geneva in person! but his time is precious & he's shown us that he has a lot of stuff going on in his professional life for the next several years... so I sincerely doubt it

so, Richard (if you ever improbably somehow stumble upon this dark tumbleweed corner of the internet), please know that you have a host of well-wishers who can't afford to fly to Europe/US on a whim, but would absolutely love to have a visit from you (in whatever form you'd be comfortable with) in NZ

(and Australia... but let's be real, it'd me much more affordable for me if you chose NZ 😉)

[minaturefics]

Okay, I don't have any request for you rn because I know they're closed, but I just have to tell you about how much I love your fanfics. They're soooooooooo good!! It's like reading a Jane Austen novel in shortened form with my favorite characters, they're literally perfect. You're a master at writing pining and misunderstandings that don't feel forced. Most fics that try and do misunderstanding plots can tend to feel forced to me, but yours never do and I love it so much! You're so good at capturing authentic, understandable emotion in your stories and it's just like *chefs kiss*. I'm not kidding when I say it reminds me of a Jane Austen novel. I''m absolutely convinced that you could be a professional romance writer and make hundreds off of your stories.

Please keep up the good work. Take all the time you need and don't feel pressured, but I hope you never stop writing tbh. You've got mad talent. I hope you have a lovely day sweetie, stay hydrated and take care of yourself

Hello friend!!! Weeping screaming crying thank you omg. I can't even start to explain how much this means to me.

Before I started this blog I hadn't written any romance before in my life and I didn't know how it was going to go. I did my best studying/analysing romance stories and I spend a lot of time sitting in/trying to pull from my own emotions/experiences to try and make it realistic. I'm so happy to hear that it's been working :)

I read a lot of fanfic myself, so it's crazy to me that people get the same comfort and joy from my fics like I do from others.

It's shaping up to be a busy year (like always. or maybe this is what happens when you get older lol) but I'm still trying to make time for writing. Aiming for something in April (but no promises lmao)

Thank you so much for your lovely message and encouraging words, I'll be re-reading this for weeks.

[hinterlost]

In Your Heart Shall Burn

I am, very slowly, writing a series of fics, Dragon Age Inquisition: Herald of the Heart, on the developing romance between my Inky Aerin Trevelyan and Cullen! First fic will be about the events of In Your Heart Shall Burn and work as an introductory to the characters as well as some self indulgent angst and fluff. I intend to make it a slow burn series so the first few works likely will concentrate more on building relationships and narrative (probably with a fair amount of pining and angst).

I'm not really expecting much response as the fandom is pretty dead atm as I suspect will be the case until Dread Wolf comes out so these works are mostly a personal pet project to self indulge. Plus art because I will likely be procrastinating about writing by doing fanart of my own fanfiction lmao.

If you do happen to be interested and follow along as I post chapters sweet! I hope you enjoy them! I'm gonna be trying to upload chapters at least once a week or as work and personal life allow.

I'll be posting new chapters here on my blog as I update the works on AO3.

As a disclaimer I do not in any way shape or form describe myself as a professional, or even good, writer. I haven't written anything creative in almost 8 years so the works might seem a little rigid until I get a better flow or writing.

I also suspect the works will be pretty cheesy and full of unoriginal tropes because I am a slut for cheese and tropes. They are FUN! I am having FUN!

[dark-magical-ships]

A bunch of these prompts look like they’d have suuuper interesting answers which made it kind of hard to choose just a few to ask!! but, regardless, how about 🤡, ❌, 🧐, 👀 and ✅??

(fanfic writer emoji game x)

Hellooooooo rainy! You picked a bunch of fun ones lol ^.^ alrighty...

🤡 What’s a line, scene, or exchange you’ve written that made you laugh?

Honestly... I almost never really laugh at my own work. I might find something very funny, that others laugh at, but I tend to get so absorbed in my work that I just can't really get more than a small smile out of those moments myself. I think probably the last case I can think of when I wrote an exchange (or, part of one) that truly made me laugh out loud while writing it and still makes me grin thinking back on it is from many, many years ago, back in my forum-based RP years. This was back in... I think 2007? 2006? I was in middle school at the time, which for mental health reasons meant that this was somewhere in the 2-year period where I pretended to engage with online self-led homeschooling for about 10 minutes each morning and spent the rest of my "school" hours (and the entire day in general) doing these RPG forums instead of actually studying anything. Anyway. If you've ever read the Eragon series, imagine a post-canon setting with a sort of… Hogwarts for Dragon Riders, only without houses and just gendered dorms. My character was a young Rider named Keahi; she had a friend and love interest named Drazirach (aka Zach), as well as a number of classmates of varying ages. At this point in the RP, Keahi's dragon Sunhia and Zach's dragon Narando were already romantically involved, which led the other Riders to tease her and her friend about their own chemistry a lot. One night, Zach went to knock on the door of the girls' dorm wing to talk to Keahi about something; I think they were supposed to go on a mission together the next day and he needed to know about something related to that. While she and Zach were talking outside the the girls' dorm entryway, a few of Zach's friends (some of their male classmates) were passing by and saw them. One of them announced their presence with the line, "Drazirach and Keahi, meeting in secret in the middle of the night...? Bow-chicka-bow-wow!" This paved the way for some of the silliest RP I have ever had the pleasure of engaging in, with an incredibly flustered and embarrassed human and a giddily smug dragon to play in a group of some of the most chaotically fun characters I've ever played with. That whole thread was just hilarious to play out, and remains one of my fondest memories of the Golden Age of online RPGs.

❌ What’s a trope you will never write?

Any form of romantic relationship that glorifies abuse in any way, shape, or form. Abusive relationships, I may write at some point—they, like many other darker subjects, can be incredibly useful for story and character development purposes—but they will never be written in a way that treats them as being normal or acceptable. Obviously, this pertains to romantic relationships, but can also refer to friendships and even professional relationships. Examples of what I mean by this from modern media include but are not limited to the Loki series (romantic and platonic examples), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (professional/doctor-patient example), 50 Shades of Grey (romantic examples AND HOW), etc.

🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?

I get hung up on research ALL THE TIME and frequently overthink stuff. XD I've probably spent like two weeks of what should have been writing time just studying Naomi's accent and how she talks. When fic!Amy talks about her classes in her diary, the projects she talks about line up pretty closely with the timeline of the actual curriculum for those classes during the years in which she's writing. I'm on Khan Academy trying to learn physics and calculus and other crap I skipped out on in high school and college purely for the sake of this "crack fic." I have purchased whole volumes on British slang and watched hours of dialect videos. I am ridiculously meticulous about my research.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Rainy, you know more details about my only other WIP besides 4th Wall than ANYONE besides my main writing buddy/beta reader for that fic. XD Two projects at once is already far, far more than I usually handle, which is why I struggle with juggling them so much. I'm not sure what else I can say about 4th Wall without straight-up spoiling the plot? And you... basically have almost all the beats of Naomi's AU's plot already just by virtue of what we've already discussed and your familiarity with the plot of Duel Monsters—it might be an AU, but it's still a canon rewrite, after all. I suppose I could add some details to that in that while Naomi's fic will mostly be following the anime canon rather than the manga, the Virtual World arc and the character of Noa Kaiba, as well as the brief shenanigans with the other digital world stuff before Battle City, will be cut entirely and replaced with something I felt would be more effective at both providing the Kaiba backstory and actually, you know, developing the characters and overall plot, beyond just explaining to the audience why Kaiba is Actually Really Sympathetic, Guys. I plan to do this with two additional arcs, covering the time between Duelist Kingdom and Battle City, and also the time between Battle City and DOMA. The first extra arc is largely focused on Naomi accidentally ending up having to actually run I2 as its new CEO following the death of Pegasus Crawford (because YB gets to actually do murder in this AU, as he did in the manga). This arc also covers the establishment of true friendship between Naomi and her friends and the spirit of her Puzzle, since I feel that she needs more time to come around to fully trust him once she's aware that he's a completely different person who is capable of going against her wishes. For the romance arc, this is also when we really get to work on the slow process of Seto's true redemption. An alliance that begins with mutual business-related benefits places him (and Mokuba) in frequent close proximity with Naomi, and her influence combined with the loss of the evil in his heart thanks to Atem's Penalty Game before Duelist Kingdom starts to lead him toward changing certain things about his worldview and how he interacts with others. By the time Battle City comes around, he's almost willing to admit that he and Naomi are friends, but certain other feelings he is incapable of acknowledging keep him pretty confused and a bit hot-and-cold for a while longer. XD This arc is driven mostly by the emotional and relationship plot beats between Naomi and her newer friendships—Atem, the Kaiba family, and Ryou—and culminates in a certain TTRPG shadow game that is inspired by the one from Season 0. It also sets up the arrival of the Egyptology exhibit at Domino's museum, the Ghouls crime ring, and the God Cards, so as to avoid dumping them all on the reader at the beginning of the third arc. Hopefully it also does a good job of keeping YB hanging around as the always-looming but never-quite-expected antagonist, with Ryou no longer deliberately seeking out the Ring every time it's removed from him, but not actually being aware it's still bound to him and manipulating him in sometimes extremely subtle ways until suddenly he finds himself possessed again in the middle of DMing a session for his friends. Poor Ryou. XD The second extra arc is mostly for covering a significant time jump and developing character relationships further, with extra focus placed on Jounouchi and Honda, as well as the Ishtars (though this part is tricky since they live on the other side of the world; I have what I hope is a fun and clever way to keep them involved and interesting in the storyline, despite the distance. It also ramps up the romantic subplot with Naomi and Seto, with a shift at the worst possible moment to worry over the disappearance of Ryou right before he was supposed to take part in a particular event. This forces distance between Seto and Naomi so that Seto can't find the time to have a conversation with her that he's been trying to figure out how to bring up for months, and leaves the issue of What Are We To Each Other up in the air when the DOMA arc begins and Naomi has to make a fateful trip to Egypt.... This arc is probably where DDM, the always-sexy Duke Devlin, and a certain burning warehouse scene will turn up, instead of in its original spot before Battle City.

✅ What’s something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don’t mean to?

Mutual pining. I can't help it, I simply cannot write a fic without any kind of romantic subplot somewhere, and that subplot will inevitably involve some degree of pining lmfao.

[sidewalk-scrawls]

Writer asks: 13, 23, 25, 32

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

Incredibly difficult -- Smut. If you read my writing, expect either a non-explicit sex scene or a fade-to-black. I’m not saying I’ll never write smut, but I *am* saying I refuse to publish it until I write something good, and my writing brain tends to be more focused on the romance bit.

Incredibly easy -- This isn’t a subject matter per se, but anything introspective. I can get in any character’s head and deconstruct their thoughts. Stream of consciousness in general really appeals to me. I also find it really easy to write about anything medically related, partially because I spent *just* enough time in med-related education and jobs that I can make it pass in fiction. (I am not a medical professional in any way shape or form, but the general background is useful as a person who enjoys writing injured characters lol.)

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

So while I *do* have an actual desk, I really only use it when I need to use an additional monitor. Which means that 95% of my creative writing takes place on the couch in my living room, feet up on my ottoman. Generally when I write, I try to block out as many external cues as possible, so I am always wearing over-ear headphones, and typically I'm playing some sort of ambient or instrumental music. (I've also been known to wear my headphones and play nothing lol.) A good chunk of the time, my dog is hanging on the couch next to me, chilling under my elbow (as he is now, while I'm writing this lol)

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

This is an interesting question because I generally don’t think about my characters this way! The specific details I decide about my characters in advance are 100% going to pop up in my story. The hyper-specific details are absolutely also important to making characters feel real, but I almost never plan them. As I’m writing, I just know how the characters will react, or I make a quick decision based on my gut reaction. So yeah, I’m blanking on a specific detail, but I figure this answer is at least in the territory of the question.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

Congrats on asking the question that prompts my favorite poem, which I can’t help but recommend every time there’s an opportunity. You can find the full text of the poem, What It Looks Like To Us and the Words We Use by Ada Limón, here. Literally every word of this poem sticks with me, I think of it every other day, but this bit specifically haunts me:

J said, You don’t believe in God? And I said, No. I believe in this connection we all have to nature, to each other, to the universe. And she said, Yeah, God.

I think it’s worth mentioning that, in the poem, they never agree whether this is God. (The poet disagrees.) But like. Holy fuck. Anyway read the entire poem, it’ll take you about 30 seconds, and I cannot recommend it enough.

[sek-sannie]

First Post: Hi🤍

Hi, I'm sek-sannie 🤍

I am new to the tumblr space as a writer but have been writing since forever and started picking it back up again this past year. This will be a space for me to post my creations as they have been filling up my drive 🙃🙃

If any of my works are similar to yours or another writer, please let me know🥹 All works posted on here are written by me and in no way shape or form represents or states the real respective idols/characters as such. There are elements of realism such as events (ie concerts timeline) however they are works of FICTION.

I will be mainly writing for ATEEZ, TXT and ENHYPEN (Hyung Line) and will have some works that are age restrictive. I will make sure to label such works with the correct and respective tags.

As I am writing for my own pleasure and not a professional by any means, there will probably be grammatical errors. Please let me know if you like my work by liking or reblogging.

[gaygryffindorgal]

Chapter 1: What Lies Ahead

Summary: A new year is starting at Hogwarts and Verna Malinda is entering her fifth year. She may have a little too much on her plate for the upcoming year though, because she’s been elected prefect...

Pairings: Eventual OC/Merula Snyde

Word Count: 2.5K

Warnings: Mild swearing

A/N: Matthew Luther belongs to @hphmmatthewluther

As this is a rewrite, some of the dialogue is from the game either directly, or modified to fit the new narrative.

If anyone is interested in being tagged to new upates, let me know!

(Verna was born in December 1972, so she was 13 during the autumn term of her 2nd year)

Previous / Next

Chapter 1: What Lies Ahead

Verna Malinda had been anxiously awaiting the beginning of her fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, even with a detention of indeterminate length looming in front of her. She knew in her heart that this year was going to be important, and not just because of the O.W.L. examinations but because of the events of last June, and the chance of finding Jacob in the next vault. For Verna, summers had, for the past four years, felt like an inescapable limbo. Every year she longed to be back at Hogwarts, delving into the mystery of the Cursed Vaults. This year, however, she had been elected as a prefect to her great surprise. She hadn’t really considered prefectdom as something to aspire to, because all her time was spent either breaking the rules or planning to break them. Was it really appropriate for a Hogwarts prefect to be serving detention? Mysterious were the ways of Professor Dumbledore.

~

As the Hogwarts Express whistled as a signal for departure, Verna waved to her father from the train’s window and then turned to her friend, Rowan Khanna, the one out of the two of them who should’ve been the prefect. Rowan pushed their glasses up their nose and smiled.

“What is it?”

“I ought to go find Charlie,” Verna said as the train picked up speed. She’d been feeling all kinds of weird about talking to Rowan ever since she got the letter proclaiming her prefect. It had been Rowan’s ambition to claim that spot ever since year one, and somehow Verna had managed it even though she hadn’t even tried.

“Alright, I’ll find Ben. We’ll hold a spot for you, if you get a moment to come sit with us,” Rowan replied and the two headed their separate ways. So far it didn’t seem like Rowan was holding Verna’s election as a prefect against her. Even in their letters, Rowan had only seemed supportive and proud. They had been friends since first year, and Verna hadn’t exactly stolen Rowan’s spot on purpose. In fact, she was fairly certain she had entirely too much on her plate for this year even without being a prefect.

~

Once Verna located Charlie Weasley, Gryffindor’s resident Dragon-enthusiast and Quidditch hero, and as it happened, her fellow prefect, the two of them headed to the special carriage meant for prefects and the Head Boy and Girl.

“What in Merlin’s name possessed Professor Dumbledore and McGonagall to make you and I prefects?” asked Charlie, sounding genuinely confused, although in his defence, it was truly baffling.

“I have a theory that it’s to make us so busy we won’t have time to do any curse-breaking,” Verna reasoned.

“Bill’s a prefect and he’s had plenty of time,” Charlie argued but then added: “Though maybe that’s why he became the Head Boy… Wow, actually you might be right.”

“Thanks Chaz,” Verna laughed as the two entered the prefect carriage. It was already quite packed with new and old prefects, as well as Bill and the Head Girl, Ella Higgs.

“Are we late because I had to wait for you…?” Charlie whispered and Verna shushed him as Ella and Bill started to congratulate them on their achievement. Verna locked eyes with a certain Slytherin student across the carriage. Apparently Merula Snyde had also become a prefect. Verna should’ve expected as much. Her hair looked tousled as usual, but she had elected to sport a dark eye-makeup, which somehow made the purple of her eyes look even more prominent. Merula gave her a look of loathing and then promptly ignored her. Verna’s mood sunk.

“Hi Verna!” came a greeting from among the other fifth-year prefects. It was Matthew Luther, a Ravenclaw chaser who had given Verna a run for her galleons last quidditch season. Verna was pleased to see not only complete arseholes had become prefects.

“Hey!” Verna replied, taking her place among the others.

“Hi Luther,” Charlie whispered, smiling.

“Nice to see you two made it as prefects.”

Verna was about to answer but was quickly silenced by Bill who very deliberately raised his voice and started his introduction to the wonderful world of prefectdom, looking at the three of them meaningfully.

~

After nearly an hour of instruction, Bill and Ella bade them pleasant journey and reminded them of their job to patrol the corridors in regular intervals. After that, many returned to their friends or settled down in the prefects’ carriage. Bill walked up to Verna and Charlie.

“Congrats on becoming a prefect Verna!” he said and slapped her arm for good measure.

“Thanks, I’ll be sure to be as responsible as you, William.”

Bill laughed and Charlie rolled his eyes.

“Well, I for one think you two will do just fine,” added Bill.

“If you say so…” Charlie mused. “Should we find Rowan and Ben?” he asked Verna.

“Yeah, see you later Bill!”

“Remember to patrol the corridors! And don’t abuse your power!” Bill called after them as Verna and Charlie headed back to find the compartment their friends were sitting in.

“I don’t think he actually has as much faith in us as he lets on…” Charlie said.

“Yeah, probably not. After all he lives with you, and I’m the one who roped him into this curse-breaking stuff in the first place.”

“Yeah, at the ripe old age of 13.” reminded Charlie. Verna was really starting to doubt Professor Dumbledore’s judgement.

~

Rowan and Ben had found a carriage and reserved spots for them. The two seemed in good spirits and Verna felt much more relaxed. If Rowan was on her side, then everything was going to be okay. Even Ben seemed to be okay, even after he was used to attack Verna under the imperius curse last year.

“How was it?” asked Ben as Verna and Charlie took their seats. He glanced quickly at Rowan, who nodded encouragingly. Verna figured Rowan and Ben had been discussing the incident before she and Charlie arrived. The food trolley had passed ages ago, so Verna nicked a treacle tart from Rowan who gave her an exasperated but amused look.

“Pretty standard stuff, honestly. They explained everything we were told in the briefing about prefects at the end of last year,” explained Charlie.

“Who else was elected?” Rowan inquired.

“Oh you’ll never guess Slytherin’s-“

“Merula,” Rowan said before Charlie could finish.

“Yeah, and she seemed right pleased about it too, I bet she’s gonna have a blast abusing her position,” Verna grumbled. She really was not looking forward to yet another thing to compete over with Merula.

“Not if we abuse our position first,” Charlie said, grinning.

“No,” Rowan admonished them when they saw Verna’s matching grin.

“I’ll disown you both if you sink to her level.”

Both Charlie and Verna stopped grinning.

“Sorry Rowan,” Verna said bashfully. “We’ll try our best to make you proud.”

Rowan groaned in mock-annoyance, and all four of them laughed at the absurdity of the notion of Charlie and Verna as prefects. Even Ben. Verna’s hopes for the year were rejuvenated a little.

~

The rest of the journey went by in a relatively normal manner. Verna and Charlie patrolled the corridors every now and then but didn’t face any incidents. Tonks gave them both grief about becoming prefects though, and loudly announced that this is why she had trust issues. Verna couldn’t exactly blame her, they had after, pulled pranks together in the past and prefects had a well-earned reputation of being spoilsports. After sunset, the train arrived at the Hogsmeade Station and Charlie and Verna were again required to perform their new duties. Verna hadn’t really thought about how small the first years looked until they all filed out of the train and followed Hagrid to the boats. It wasn’t that long ago she had been in their shoes, completely terrified and anxious to start looking for her brother. Jacob. The thought stung like a wasp. It had taken four years and she was no closer to finding him as she was to finding the next cursed vault. Jacob had always been there to protect her and help her and what good was she, if she couldn’t do the same for him?

~

The Great Hall was all decked out for the Welcome Feast when they entered. Verna always felt a sense of belonging at the sight of Hogwarts, but it was also always mixed with something like dread. This year instead of Professor Dumbledore, it was Professor McGonagall taking the podium to hold the traditional speech after the Sorting. Apparently, the Headmaster was on an errand outside of Hogwarts. They were also going to have a new teacher for Defence Against the Dark Arts, which at this point surprised no one. The new DADA professor did surprise Verna, though. It was Madam Rakepick, the curse breaker Dumbledore had hired to investigate the vaults last year. Rakepick turned her eyes to Verna and something passed across her features, but Verna couldn’t place the expression. Then, just as fast as it had arrived, it passed, and McGonagall bid everyone dig in their food.

~

After the feast, as Verna and Charlie were getting ready to herd all the new Gryffindors (including Bill and Charlie’s little brother Percy) to their common room, Penny walked up to them, looking excited.

“Hey!” she beamed and tailing behind her was a small blonde girl who looked very much like Penny. “How was your summer?”

“Oh, you know, researching advanced curses, eagerly awaiting for my detention this year, the usual” Verna joked.

“I worked on my extra credit stuff for Professor Kettleburn,” Charlie said. “And hung out with my siblings. Fred and George have gotten it into their heads they wanna be the best quidditch players in the world and I have to be their coach.”

“That sounds really nice! We need to catch up more later, I just wanted to introduce you two to my sister, Beatrice,” Penny exclaimed, and the younger girl waved her hand at them.

“Hi,” she said, rather excitably.

“Hi Beatrice, I’m Verna and this is Charlie.”

Next to her Charlie smiled wide and shook Beatrice’s hand. It seemed to Verna that she appreciated being treated like a grown-up.

“Figured you were Penny’s sister when they called Haywood during the Sorting,” Charlie said.

Beatrice nodded. “And now we’re both in Hufflepuff! I was hoping for it, but I would’ve been happy with Gryffindor too.”

“Bea is… sort of a fan of yours,” Penny explained looking at Verna. “She’s always asking me to tell her stories of my adventures with the famous curse-breaker Verna Malinda.”

“Now I can join you!” Beatrice said. “To find your brother and the cursed vaults.”

This, admittedly, took Verna by surprise. She glanced at Penny who, by the look on her face, had not expected this either.

“Bea…” Penny whispered.

“I mean it, I want to help,” Beatrice insisted.

“Well… Maybe you can help with some small things, but I’ll be honest with you, it’s really dangerous stuff,” Verna told the young witch and hoped that was the end of it. No such luck.

“You investigated the cursed ice when you were just first-years,” Beatrice protested.

“That’s… true…” Penny admitted but didn’t look happy about it.

“And Harry Potter defeated You-Know-Who when he was just a baby!”

“She has a point, you know,” Charlie cut in.

“Knock it off, Weasley. There’ll be plenty of time for death-defying adventures when you’re older Bea, for now you can just show Verna what you made for her,” Penny said with a glare at Charlie, who seemed vaguely apologetic.

With only a little complaining, Beatrice presented Verna with a yellow, self-made puffskein toy. It was extremely cute, and the gesture made Verna wonder how much Penny had exaggerated her stories.

“Thank you, Beatrice, this is super cool,” she said as she inspected the stuffed animal. After that, she was served to a story about shaving the Haywoods’ pet puffskein every week for the hairs to make the toy, after which Penny had clearly had her fill, because she whisked Beatrice away and Charlie arched an eyebrow. “Wow, they really do just keep getting smaller.”

~

Up in the Gryffindor Tower, the young students were excited but obviously tired, so Verna kept her introduction short and let them explore on their own or just go to bed. After that, the two new prefects made their way to their favourite corner of the common room. The couch there was already occupied by Rowan and Ben.

“Hey guys,” said Ben meekly behind his new Charms textbook.

Charlie squished into the vacant spot between Rowan and the armrest, while Verna sat on the floor, not bothering to drag the nearest chair closer.

“I think I’m going to possibly have a mental breakdown this year,” she mused. “I mean I still have to find my brother, do normal homework, play Quidditch, study for O.W.L.s, and now be a prefect.”

“If you had started studying for the O.W.L.s first year like I told you, you wouldn’t be in this situation,” Rowan simply said. It’s not like they were wrong, but Verna still rolled her eyes.

“Literally no one else but you does that, Rowan” Charlie jumped into her defence, which Verna appreciated. She fist bumped Charlie over Rowan’s lap.

“You two are impossible,” Rowan said warmly and turned to look at Ben. Verna followed their gaze and noticed Ben looked distinctly uncomfortable. Well, more than usual.

“Ben…” she started.

“I just wanna say I’m sorry,” Ben blurted out. “I know you already said it’s fine last year, but I don’t think it’s fine. I’m too easy a target to use against you, and I don’t think you should include me in your plans anymore.”

Verna stared at him for a moment, trying to find words. Any one of her friends could’ve been used as a pawn by a dark wizard. After all, they were only students up against adult wizards.

“Ben, I get it. I’d probably feel the same way if it was me in your shoes right now, because it easily could be. You’re not weak for losing against an adult.”

Ben bit his lip nervously. “But I-“

“We need you. You’re one of my best friends and nobody blames you for what happened,” Verna countered before Ben could form a proper argument.

“In the train you lot acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary when everything is!” he slumped against the couch and let the textbook fall into his lap. “I’m going to bed.”

With that, Ben got up and disappeared into the boys’ dormitory, his friends’ pleas falling on deaf ears. Verna looked at Charlie and Rowan.

“Maybe he just needs some more time…” Charlie mused.

“I think I was too harsh on him last year,” Rowan said. “I apologized though. In the train. We had a whole chat about it.”

“I’m glad,” Verna said with a smile. It hadn’t felt right, when Ben and Rowan weren’t on speaking terms.

“He just hasn’t had the easiest time at Hogwarts,” Rowan continued. “And all this business with the vaults… I think it has us all on edge.”

“Understatement of the year…” muttered Charlie.

“Well… It’s only the first day of it, we’ll have plenty of time to make more understatements,” said Rowan gloomily.

[carriereedwrites]

HOW TO (NOT) FEEL OVERWHELMED AS A WRITER

Life happens, ya'll. When it does, it hits hard and is unforgiving. And sometimes, the people in your life- as much they love you and vice versa- don't seem to understand why you're flailing about at 2 AM and crying into your cereal bowl.

Fear not, dear writer. I, too, have cried into a cereal bowl at 2AM and I will deftly defend your right to do so. But, allow me to offer... better... ways to deal with that overwhelming feelings of despair.

***NOTE: This does NOT replace professional advice in ANY way, shape or form. This is coming from someone who has a therapist. And this post is DEFINITELY not meant to down-play those who are struggling with mental health issues. You guys are amazing. I see you. Mmmkay?

Take deep fucking breaths, people. You're in it to fucking WIN IT.

"And, this too, shall pass..." is a good quote for a reason. Now, I won't get too much into Persian poetry. But basically, everything that has come to or ever will be, passes. This all-consuming feeling of anxiety or depression or doubt WILL pass.

Of course, your brain could be convinced but not your body. Which is why deep, calming breaths are essential to refocusing yourself. Go into your Don't-Touch-Me corner, hiss at everyone who comes near, and put on a five-hour rain drop loop on Youtube.

Also, you're a fucking WRITER. You create worlds out of nothing, give your characters hope and despair and love and hate. You can create political intrigue in a made-up empire or create a post-apocalyptic world. You are amazing and wonderful! Don't let shitty feels keep you down, you fucking superstar.

Write out your feelings. And no, don't do it from a character's POV.

This isn't an opportunity to write a story. I'm serious. Don't belittle or disrespect yourself by writing your feelings and struggles from a character's point-of-view. We may want to do it to lessen the blow, but then you bury yourself in a fictional world when your troubles are tangible and real. It's going to be hard and that's the point. Get it out of your head, but don't self-insert.

Feeling vulnerable isn't easy. But, the more you admit to the struggles you're having, the more you can identify and staunch the incoming shit storm. Will it get easier? Maybe. But, it sure as hell would be better than what's happening right now.

Talk to someone who knows the struggle - even if they're not a fellow writer

As in, a close friend or a colleague or a loved one. Or even better, a therapist. But, ESPECIALLY someone who won't judge you. Suuupperrr importante.

The reason? Sometimes when you're close to a situation, you can't often see the obvious. This is why we have beta readers, critique partners, and editors. As writers, we don't often see the faults, or the missing pieces, or what works and what doesn't because the stroy is our baby and it's perfect the way it is.

We have to remember, life is a lot like our stories. We don't often see the issues. We don't often see the good. And people -ya know, those freaking normies, gah!- can offer surprising insight and comfort.

Give it a try. Be patient. Be open-minded.

DO. NOT. GOOGLE. YOUR. SYMPTOMS.

I... I really shouldn't have to explain this.

If I catch you WebMD-ing yourself or thinking Tiktok "gets" you, I'm gonna smack you with a waffle-boot. DON'T DO THIS. PLEASE.

If you really, really think something is wrong with you, please seek professional help. I know not everyone can afford it. I know. I got hit with my bill last month and I'm panicking a little. But, it's worth it. It really, really is. I wouldn't let you fuck yourself.

Look for programs in your area. Reach out to someone in your community. Talk to the place you work and see if they offer a free or affordable program. But for the love of all things holy, DO NOT GOOGLE. PLEASE.

Allow yourself the break

Yes, you're gonna feel guilty.

Yes, your Imposter Syndrome might rear its ugly head.

And yes, anyone who is a complete asshole may notice you're not doing the "writing thing" and will point out the fucking obvious.

Deep breaths, smile... and tell them to fuck off. You DESERVE to have this break.

Creative people can't keep pushing out content. Burn out is a REAL thing and can happen to ANYONE. And there's no shame in it. Idfc who says otherwise. You need to reset and get your creative energy back. And it's not something that can be rushed. It'll take however long is needed. BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF.

And that's it. That's my shit list for today.

This week has been ROUGH for me. For writing and... functioning in general. But, we have to remember to keep things in perspective, right? Am I feeling this because I'm overworked? Stressed? How often does it happen?

Just remember that you and your feelings are valid. It's the actions we take or the words we say that can invalidate how we feel.

And if you, dear writer, feel like this post is inappropriate... please let me know. It will be taken down. I felt like sharing what I go through and how I deal with this. But, I understand it may be triggering to some. Let me know. Or come talk about life with me. I don't mind. My page is open.

~ Happy Writing, Ya'll ~

[greenbergsays]

I'm a writer who is fine with receiving critical comments even when I didn't remember specifically say so. Some other writers don't want to receive critical comments. That's fine. No unsolicited crit is not a universal norm, so any writer who cares a lot about whether they get critical comments should say so, whether that's saying please do or please don't.

You know, I’ve got a fourteen-year-old nephew who plays the violin.

He’s been playing it since fifth grade, and he’s going to be a freshman in high school next year. He’s at that age where boys are usually fucking assholes. Worse than that, he’s a nerdy boy, who’s into a whole slew of geeky things, which means he could so very easily fall prey to the Nice Guy attitude, but he doesn’t.

He’s a good kid. But because he’s so much like me, and has been influenced heavily by me his entire life, he’s a bit of a perfectionist.

On Monday, we went to an open house for parents for the high school he’s hoping to get into this coming year, and they had their orchestra playing. After their performance, as we were walking to the next section of the tour, he reiterated a point that I’ve heard him voice a few times before.

It’s hard for him to just sit there and listen to other people play the violin now. When he’s listening to the performance, all he can hear are the missed notes or if someone is scratchy or off-key or if they’re a beat ahead or a beat behind, etc. 

He isn’t some virtuoso by any means, he’s just a fourteen-year-old that plays the violin, yet because he studies it, he automatically mentally critiques the performance.

I think we, as writers, can all relate to that. No matter how well we write ourselves, by being in this arena, we are automatically more sensitive to the mistakes others make. In fact, you don’t even have to be a writer; those who read regularly are prone to the same thing.

The thing is, though, I didn’t have to tell my nephew not to mock the students who were performing at the open house. I didn’t have to tell him not to criticize them or make fun of them, I didn’t have to tell him to lower his voice so they wouldn’t hear, and I definitely didn’t have to stop him from going up to them to criticize their performances to their face. It was something that was automatically understood; those things are impolite, and should he engage in any of those behaviors, he’d get in trouble for them.

And here’s the really important bit. Are you ready? 

Not a single one of those amateur performers had to preface that performance by saying, “Please don’t.” 

It was just automatically understood that their audience wouldn’t, because it’s not a thing you do in polite society when you are given something for free by people who are not professionals. Especially when–and this is also an important bit–you are also not a professional critic in any shape, form, or fashion.

My nephew waited until we’d walked away from the orchestra, where they weren’t in danger of hearing before he even began to discuss the very broad concept of how he critiques performances now because he’s in orchestra.

Somehow, without me having to drill it into his head countless times, this fourteen-year-old boy grasps the concept that you should not go up to someone, out of the blue, and criticize their performance just because you heard (or in the case of a writer: saw) their mistakes. He isn’t a professional, nor is he a teacher. He hasn’t been asked, he’s still learning himself, and they don’t know him from Adam. 

On a fundamental level, he seems to get how entirely unhelpful his critique would be, and how the only thing he’s succeeding in doing is hurting someone’s feelings for no good reason.

I just think it’s funny how a fourteen-year-old understands that, but somehow, you don’t.