#i'm not putting a community label on it bc what does it even matter

[pharawee]

Punn. Do you need my help?

[infiniteorangethethird]

I've been wanting to put my thoughts abt my experiences as a loveless aroapl into words for a while now, and finally I got the chance to sit down and actually write out all my ideas. Obligatory I don't speak for the entire community and these are just my personal experiences; long post ahead.

First of all, there could be many different meanings to the label loveless, depending on who is the one using it. To me, loveless means that I literally do not experience love, that I do not experience the emotions other people seem to define as love. I do experience strong emotions (though some loveless ppl might not, which is also completely valid), but I identify none of them as love.

The reason I've decided to use the loveless label for myself is because after watching people around me for a long while, I've come to the conclusion that I just simply don't feel the same way about other ppl as they do. I hear my friends talk about how much they missed me after we don't see each other for a while, about how much they wish we had more free time so that we could meet more frequently. I see my long-distance friends with whom we only get to see each other once a year desperately trying to find a time we are all free so that we could meet. I get invited to outings with friends before we even have a plan of what we want to do bc to them, the fact that we're spending time together is more important than what we're actually doing.

Thing is, I do enjoy spending time with people. There are a lot of things, activities, that are more fun (or just straight up made possible) if done with others instead of alone. I also enjoy the safety having a network of people around you can give. But at the same time, I've never really felt any pull towards specific people. I enjoy spending time with people in general, but my interest is a lot more directed at the activities we do together and the general concept of not doing it alone instead of the people involved. At the end of the day I don't care much about who those people are, so long as they are decent and aren't actively ruining the experience.

That isn't to say I'm an asshole to them, though. I know very well that friendships (and relationships in general) require a certain level of care in both directions, usually involving spending time together, and just generally being there for the other. I do want my friends to be happy, I do want to make them happy, but it's not really out of an emotional desire to make them specifically happy, rather a more general inner drive to be good to people. I will put in the effort to socialize, to spend time with people, to listen to them and be there for them emotionally bc I know that's what it takes to maintain a relationship, but it's always going to be somewhat impersonal and more I do out of duty than out of an emotional drive to get closer to them.

And yet, the fact that the general population does seem to have this emotional drive while I never felt anything like it made me feel for the longest time that there was something wrong with me. That not feeling the correct way about my friends is making me somehow evil for tricking them into thinking I was actually their friend, and not some kind of monster who was just using their kindness against them - and it's hard not to feel that way. We live in a society that assumes and constantly reinforces the idea that not only is love the purest emotion, but also the only thing a relationship can be based on. Any relationship that doesn't have love at its core is worthless or meaningless, and if you deliberately enter a relationship as a loveless person you are a bad person and the relationship is inherently toxic. It doesn't matter what you actually do, or what feelings might motivate it - if it's not out of love, it's bad.

In this framework, being loveless means no matter how hard you try, you will just never be enough. It isn't enough to be kind or generous or caring, you MUST love the other, and if they find out you don't, there's a really good chance they will take it as a personal attack and break contact with you, even if before they called you their best friend.

It was this pressure that made me pick up the loveless label. For too long have I felt like I wasn't doing enough, like I was missing something, like I wasn't trying hard enough to feel love. I kept beating myself up over not feeling the correct emotions, but unsurprisingly, this did not make me more capable of love. It just made me hate myself for the way I existed. But the moment I accepted myself as loveless? All of that pressure was gone. I learnt that emotions don't inherently make an action morally better or worse, and that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you feel so long as you do the right thing. People don't actually see your emotions, only your actions.

Of course, I still struggle with making and keeping friends. Turns out it is rather difficult to maintain a relationship when you don't have an innate drive towards people; then put on that extra layer of autism and low empathy and you got a recipe for disaster. Still, that doesn't mean I don't try, because I do want to be around people, and I do want those people to be happy to be around me, even if it means I have to put in the extra effort to connect with them that to most ppl comes naturally.

I know this turned out to be pretty long but I wanted to elaborate on these thoughts to give them justice as best as I could. Loveless is still a label most people either don't know or are very confused about, and I just hope I could shed some light on the experience for those who are still unfamiliar with it.

I'm open to answering (good faith) questions, but please remember that I am still just one guy and can't speak on behalf of the whole community.

(Other loveless ppl, feel free to add on your own experiences as well, I'd love to hear about them!)

[hehimdykesrock]

Hi. I was wondering if you could elaborate a bit on your reasoning for encouraging the “Bi/Mspec Lesbian” label? I’m not a fan of the label but at least want to try to see where you’re coming from??

Bc as a lesbian who previously identified as bisexual, I honestly find the “Bi Lesbian” label invalidating to both identities. For context, I identified as Bi for quite a while bc I had been told that Lesbians don’t include nonbinary people or trans women. Which is not true!!!

Mspec sapphic people already have the terms Bi and Pan (and Queer, Sapphic, etc.)- Lesbian is the ONLY one that doesn’t include men. Adding it to the Bi label just caters to the fear of not being ‘gay enough’ that society drills into mspec sapphics. Bi women/enbys are still queer. A feminine gender preference can be described just as easily with the term Sapphic. The “Bi Lesbian” term just reinforces the harmful idea that Lesbians ‘jUsT hAvEn’T mEt ThE rIgHt GuY yEt’.

A personal anecdote: in the past few years, I have begun to actively avoid telling men I’m not close to that I’m a Lesbian. Because they frequently want to take it as a challenge. To “convert” me. The “mspec lesbian” idea actively puts Lesbians in danger by just repackaging conservative ideologies under the veil of being *progressive*. (Invalidating the validity of sapphic identities/relationships, and that ‘ALL women are attracted to men/can be converted’. I have also seen mspec lesbians say Lesbians are terfs as a justification for the new label- while the justifications themselves sound transphobic??? The jist of it usually is- ‘Lesbians are transphobic. The identity is defined by not being attracted to men- So why can they like trans women but can’t like binary trans men! Even though I totally believe that trans women are women and trans men are men!!!’)

Sorry this is long and repetitive. I wanted to try to put as much of my reasoning as I could. While I can empathize with why the bi lesbian label was created (bc I identified as Bi for a very long time + thus became heavily aware of biphobia within the LGBTQIA+ community. Even from Lesbians.)- it ultimately implies that Bisexuality isn’t considered “gay enough” and unintentionally perpetuates the idea that Lesbians can be converted into liking men.

My first thought is this sounds like some radfem Gold Star Lesbian bullshit lol. And yeah this is super long and repetitive, so I'm not gonna worry too much about the quality/conciseness of my response. Guess ill try to just take it peice by piece. I usually don't entertain shit like this but I'm bored today so let's try it.

Why do you find someone else having a different experince than you invalidating? Have you considered that this may be a personal insecurity more so than the responsibility of the people who's identities you're uncomfortable with?

The bisexual label has bever been exclusive of trans/nonbinary people, and the misconception that it is is itself transphobia in action. You say you changed your mind about that label after learning that it isn't exclusive of trans people, congratulations. That doesn't mean that everyone else using the bisexual label just hasn't come to that conclusion yet.

Lesbian has historically included bisexuals and etc. It's never been exclusive, but there have always been exclusive people in every queer community.

Do you think there is any true distinction between bisexual history and gay/lesbian history? Why can't we share words? Why are we all obsessed with being unique? Why does it matter so much if we overlap? Isn't that the point of community? To share and to be different and have overlap, to take joy in each other's experiences? Why are you so intent on defining exactly who can be what? Is the point of queerness not to acknowledge our inate and complex humanity, to say "I am unquauntifiable"? It is to me. But maybe that's philosophical, in which case my practical down-to-earth questions are: who gets to make the rules about who gets to be what, who is going to enforce these rules, and what tool of violence are you granting them to do so? Is it you? Is it the government? Is it an organized elected council of queer elders? Are the freaks who don't follow the rules exiled, shunned, imprisoned?

As for these other words we "already have" like sapphic, have you considered that we "already have" lesbian? Lesbian has historically been a word for women(etc) who are attracted to women(etc). Why did we need to make new words to separate each other? Why did we need sapphic when we already had lesbian? I don't feel that making and using new words is wrong and I support anyone who wants to use these labels, I'm just demonstrating that the logic behind that point of yours is identical when flipped. Lesbian has always been here for people like me, it was the only word we had for a long while, so who are you to rewrite its history?

Your personal experience of queerness is not universal. Words mean slightly different things to everyone, that's how languages and humans work. And that's a good thing. That's the point of all this!

The kind of people who harass and assault lesbians don't care about this shit. Are you seriously trying to blame a whole group of queers for ... queers being harassed and assaulted? The straight cis guys who are chasing and trying to "convert" lesbians already don't think of women and lesbians as people. They're not gonna sit there and debate the finer points of someone's identity before they decide if they want to assault them.

The bigots don't care about our labels. They don't even respect whether someone is actually queer or is just someone they perceive as queer. Outside online discourse like this, a faggot is a faggot is a faggot.

I do not have any patience for anyone who believes certain types of queers make the rest of us look bad. Like seriously why are we still doing this? Also you personally right now with this ask have just repackaged dangerous conservative ideologies under the veil of being *progressive*! This is some seriously puritan stuff you've said here! You say it yourself that you have been a victim of being sexually pursued against your will and that you take certain precautions in life to prevent that from happening, and then you turn right around and blame a whole demographic of people *with that exact experience* for bringing that experience onto themselves *and onto you*! What!

Literally nobody is saying all women have the ability to be attracted to men. I have literally never seen or said that apart from this very ask right here. I guess it could happen, someone could be saying that somewhere, but in that situation I'm gonna call them a misogynistic ass and consider them to not be speaking for all lesbians everywhere. And I don't think it's too much to ask that others use the same level of critical thinking skills in that situation.

And as for the people you have seen saying "all lesbians are terfs" those people are lesbophobic. Those are lesbophobes. I don't know what else you want me to say about that, I don't really see how some people being lesbophobic should impact whether or not a whole bunch of other people are morally correct (?) in using the word lesbian.

Ask rating:

4/10 for nonsense and contradiction

[cios-correct-opinions]

post here

DISCLAIMER BEFORE ANYONE SAYS OR ASSUMES ANYTHING ABOUT ME: i am not a proshipper. i am not an anti. i do not use any shipping discourse labels because i've been actively traumatized by both communities and have no desire to put that label on myself. i am just a person capable of critical thinking who enjoys analyzing media sometimes. i do not condone harassment over fiction, and i also do not believe any form of media is free from critical analysis or criticism, especially if it includes harmful propaganda and/or portrayals of marginalized peoples/societies which serve to perpetuate or legitimatize a pre-existing societal bias. do not call me an anti. do not call me a proshipper. do not assume things about me in bad faith. ive got no time for that and ill block you if you do this.

i actually think i kinda have a grasp on what's being said here so lemme explain this bc this is kinda how i feel? i'm gonna explain as best i can since its nearing 3 am and im a lil tired. forgive me if i dont explore every angle of nuance here btw again im tired but the adderall is in my blood so.

ahem.

my main talking point is this: there is a difference between exploration of something, which can include varying depictions and portrayals of a subject, vs propaganda for something, which has the intent of swaying you towards one side or away from one side or blah blah blah you know what propaganda wants to do i'm sure

exploration of dark and taboo subjects such as CSA/SA/abuse in general, paraphilias, mental illness, incest, so on and so forth - especially when done by survivors of those things - are almost never propaganda, no matter how they're being portrayed. someone using fictional characters within a fictional context to cope with their own trauma is, 99.9% of the time, not trying to endorse that behavior in real life. they also often assume the people reading it will understand that they the creator are not trying to endorse that behavior in real life.

example: most people who create fiction based off the mafia do not actually want to be mobsters, nor do they think others should be, nor do they endorse the real life mob, even if their portrayals can sometimes be problematic in other ways and/or contribute to certain problematic societal ideas about gang violence esp when committed by white people, but that's an entirely different issue than the one at hand and has more factors in play.

a deeper example: while a work of fiction can definitely reveal certain creator biases and/or how the creator feels about certain topics, it doesn't mean that every detail in the fiction is weighted the same way. someone may have clear biases towards, for example, women, in their work based on how they write their female characters, but not condone murder in that same work just because murder is part of the plot and/or is framed as a net positive in the storyline. you can have a work which clearly shows a creator's true feelings or thoughts or philosophies or what-have-you on one topic, but not on another, within the same work. learning which of these is true and when is a learned skill. i can't tell ya to do it myself as i am not a teacher

despite it seeming like it should be easy, on the other hand, spotting propaganda can actually be really fucking hard. i am not here to talk about how to spot propaganda, and perhaps will reblog this at a later date with links on how to do that as i am too tired to both write this and look for reliable resources on doing that, so if you want that for now, sorry, you gotta search elsewhere. however, this difficulty often leads to the main conflict i see online:

people believe that an exploration or portrayal of a dark/taboo subject or a subject which contains something that is immoral or illegal in real life, which does not outright condemn that thing, and/or appears on a surface level to be a "positive" portrayal (air quotes bc what counts as positive changes depending on who you ask) even when made by real-life survivors of the thing being explored, is the exact same as propaganda meant to push the emulation of that thing or behavior in real life, by real people, to real people/others/whatever.

this is the issue i and others keep running into online, over and over and over again. people are unable to tell the difference, they are unable to tell the target audience of a work, they are unable to understand why someone would make something a certain way, and ultimately the material upsets/triggers/disgusts/bothers/etc them, and all of this leads to them treating the first group of media like the second. because of that, they assume those creating that content are encouraging its real-world application and that the creators think these actions are okay, or that they will/want to/have perpetrated those acts in real life as well. once they've decided this, it's essentially impossible to convince them otherwise

ignoring the fact that you cannot make these assumptions about a stranger online in good faith literally ever, this is a huge problem. a nazi creating propaganda indoctrination white supremacist fantasy fiction material is nowhere near the same as a CSA & SA survivor creating works of dark fiction/art to cope with their trauma, but a lot of people consider it one and the same because they literally are incapable of seeing the difference. they can't analyze either work by either creator, and are unable to see how the nazi's fiction is different from the survivor's. even if the subjects portrayed in the works are different, too

these people will also insist that any humanization of a villain they deem "bad" or "problematic" enough - which, again, is dependent on who's making those decisions and not any kind of clear standard - means that the creator condones/believes/enjoys those things the villain does, and people who enjoy that character also condone/believe/enjoy those things the villain does. the ultimate irony of it all, of course, is that these people are consuming the exact same media with the exact same characters and exact same story and exact same plotline as the people they are attacking, and many of those people also enjoyed that media. they just seem to think because they enjoy blorbo blingus The Good Guy(tm) instead of zorbo zingle The Bad Guy(tm), that makes them morally superior instead of, yknow, just someone with a different opinion who is reading/watching with a different lens than someone else

obsession with moral purity, moral superiority, and in general an abstract concept of morality, is what has ultimately led us here. in an attempt to be seen as "acceptable" by the masses of the world - regardless of whether they participate in fandom or not - for whatever reason one has, has led some of us to turn on each other within fandom spaces

fear of predatory abusers lurking in the shadows, as well as an inability to actually identify the signs of a predatory abuser caused by a society whose goal is largely to protect those same predatory abusers, as well as a sadly large and growing number of victims of abuse growing up online and sometimes being abused and/or preyed on online (as i myself was) who thus are hypervigilant for this sort of thing due to their own trauma, has all led to a willingness to attack and destroy anyone we think might possibly maybe sorta kinda be a little suspicious without a second thought to the actual probability of that person's guilt, as well as the inability to stop and ask ourselves what we're really doing when we attack people over fictional portrayals of things as well as whether or not these fictional hypothetical transgressions are truly worth destroying someone's livelihood and life over or whether they're something we can simply block and ignore and not worry about

simply liking or disliking something in media has become a source of literal panic attacks for a lot of people because they drive themselves mad looking for a "good, moral, logical reason" to like or dislike something rather than just accepting it for what it is

our lack of understanding combined with an unwillingness to be open to the possibility of alternative interpretations for anything has driven people to commit atrocities. someone is literally dying right now because of it. actively dying. will die soon. because of antis deciding their creations meant it was okay to lie about them being a pedophile (they weren't), get them fired from their job due to these false claims, resulting in them losing their health care, which has 4 years down the road, resulted in their eventual death.

we. must. do. better.

[rollercoasterwords]

opinion for fan fiction— fucking hate it when people post rating docs of fan fiction where a some reviews aren’t positive. love the docs where people only add fics they love, hate it when they include anything that they didn’t like

normal opinion (as an ace person)— i dislike it when people conflate being ace with not having sex. they r not mutually exclusive and imo it’s not problematic to be in a relationship w/ non ace ppl who u romantically like and make compromises around it. <— i did not realize this was not super standard thinking until someone said that it’s unfair to want sex when in a relationship w/ an ace person and tons of ppl were agreeing so i guess this is an actual unpopular opinion

ok for the rating docs - strongly agree!!! have spoken many many times abt this but i literally do not think there is ever a reason to publicly share that u dislike a fanfic. keep that shit in private gcs or messages w friends but don't put it where the person who wrote the fic could see it!! i promise ur opinion is noooooooottttt that important lol. if u wanna make a doc for ur personal use where u keep track of fics u didn't like that's totally fine, just.....don't post it publicly??

and 2 the ace =/= no sex, also strongly agree!! asexuality is just like any other label regarding sexuality, in that it is fluid in terms of meaning and encompasses a spectrum of experiences. there are plenty of people who id as ace but still have sex or even enjoy sex in certain contexts, and it's nobody's business to police that. as for whether or not it's unfair to want sex in a relationship w an ace person....that to me seems like a personal issue that would vary from relationship to relationship. i think as long as both partners are communicating abt their needs + wants that's what matters. like if an ace person sets a boundary at the beginning of a relationship saying they never want to have sex and their partner agrees but then later starts to act like sex in a relationship is something they're entitled to, that's unfair. but if an ace person says hey i'm willing to keep an open dialogue about whether sex is a possibility bc i am not entirely closed off to it and their partner is like cool i appreciate u being open to the fact that sex is something i want in a relationship let's be open + willing to discuss it with the mutual understanding that we will respect each other's boundaries when it does come up....well that's just a healthy relationship imo

[holyyground]

okay so hiiiii 😊

starting off by saying i'm kind of a gaylor myself, in spirit mostly than in action shsbshs i mean i do believe she's not straight and might have been in relationships with women, but that's that, i don't care about the rest.

anyway, i've been thinking about it for a while, that the reason most anti gaylors are so opposed to the idea of taylor possibly being not straight- well, apart from good ol' homophobia, that most of them don't even try to hide, is the connection to relationships and certain people. what i mean by this, and disclaimer; those are just personal thoughts and not something i believe as a fact for everyone- anyway, what i mean by that is that most of them hear the term gaylor and immediately think of kaylor. that people who believe taylor is queer (gaylors) only mean her possible relationship with karlie, does this make sense? and since most swifties have a personal vendetta against karlie, for reasons i don't really care to know, i don't really care about taylor's personal life and relationships (i say as i write this message 💀) tbh, just her music but i do observe 👀- anyway, you get what i mean? since they don't like karlie for whatever reasons, they don't like the thought of a relationship between taylor and karlie = taylor being into women. they can't separate taylor from that relationship and see taylor as an individual, outside of this relationship, who might be queer. i don't know how else to explain this and sorry bc english isn't my first language but yeah it makes sense in my head. like, my perfect het queen taylor absolutely cannon be in a queer relationsh with a woman i hate!!!!1!1!1!1! something like that.

also, i think a lot of people, gaylors included, only see two possible options for taylor: either the hettest heterosexual of heterosexuals or a lesbian. the thought of her being bisexual, pansexual, you name it- just fluid with her sexuality is, as i see it, out of the question. (please, feel free to correct me if i'm wrong but that's how i see it from behaviours inside the fandom.) and here you have lesbiophobia, biphobia, panphobia- queerphobia in general, all fighting each other just because 1. people can't grasp the thought of taylor not being only into men 2. people thinking she can't possibly be into men at all and 3. people plainly refusing to accept that, wow shocking, she might be into women/or any gender as well!! as i said at the beginning of this message, good ol' homophobia 🤩. and anyway, i think that's unfair to taylor. i think most anti gaylors are so aggressive towards gaylors and the idea of taylor being queer because they only see her as a lesbian. and that's truly disgusting. i mean, bisexuality or pansexuality or whatever i mentioned earlier being out of the question, as i said before, is what fuels their hatred towards the idea of taylor not being *only* into men.

oof, i hope what i said makes sense bc my thoughts are just boom all over the place. anyway, cant wait to read your thoughts on this. thank you for your time and patience <3

First I want to say THANK YOU for this massive ask, holy shit. I love hearing y’all’s thoughts about this topic.

Second, I absolutely agree! Over time I’ve seen several comments from non-gaylors accusing us of only seeing Taylor as a lesbian, and that the word “gaylor” only means lesbian, but anybody who spends any time in gaylor spaces would know that isn’t the case. Even for myself I don’t put a specific label on what I think she is because it doesn’t matter. Do I think it’s most likely that she’s bi? Yeah probably, but my opinion on it changes and ultimately I don’t care that much because her individual label is her choice and none of my business.

A lot of the backlash towards gaylors does definitely come from a dislike of Karlie, and having been around the swiftie tumblr community since 2014, that definitely has always been there. A lot of it, in 2014, was because people were generally far less accepting of the idea that Taylor is queer than even they are now, and when she posted that tweet about not making dating rumors about her friends, it only got worse. But then as time went on and Karlie began having connections with the Kushners, it became that much easier to paint her as a villain. But honestly a lot of the hatred comes from the “crook who was caught” line and some dumb rumor started by Perez Hilton, of all fucking people. But a lot of her other relationships with women are shown more subtly or almost not at all, and so because Kaylor is the most visible, it becomes easiest to attack Karlie specifically. And it was also the most recent one we have documentation about, which is also why I think it gets more attention than her other previous relationships like swiftgron. But her queerness is so much more all encompassing than just Kaylor, and it does actually bother me that so many non-gaylors reduce it down to this one relationship specifically. Her whole career is a story of a queer woman, and it has so much depth to it that just gets so overlooked.

In a major way though, I also think a lot of the distrust of gaylors comes from this idea that Taylor is our friend, that she knows us, and wouldn’t lie. A LOT of swifties are VERY attached to who she dates, which we of course saw with the Joe breakup but we still see with Jake gyllenhall, and even Harry. (If I have to see another “I’m a child of divorce” comment about Harry and Taylor I’m gonna Kermit.) This idea that she’s omitted huge chunks of her dating life is horrifying for a lot of people because then suddenly you realize that you matter to her far less than you thought you did. And I get it, we’re all parasocial with her in SOME way, but still.

But yes! Thank you again for this ask, I hope my answer made sense!

[autistic-fuckwad]

your immediate belief that lesbians are radfems or want to kill all men bc some of us would like to be acknowledged as a sexuality that aren’t attracted to men is really upsetting. bisexuality is valid! ppl liking men is valid! lesbians r allowed to have weird relationships to their gender or be multi gender! trans and nb lesbians exist! womanhood shouldn’t ever be something to be gatekept from anyone? and I wish ppl would stop instantly assuming that lesbians share so many beliefs with terfs and radfems. like we love our trans siblings?? so much?? that has nothing to do with us wanting nonlesbians to stop trying to force men into our spaces. at the end of the day we r all fighting the same queer fight to be free. I don’t think it’s unreasonable tho for lesbians to be upset with ppl constantly trying to put men into the equation of our attraction when that’s just… not the case. we’re not evil for not being attracted to men? and it really feels like ur painting us out to be that way with some of ur posts and replies

To begin with, I never said all lesbians are radfems or want to kill all men. I said that you held the sentiment that being a lesbian is "sacred" and "must not be invaded by disgusting men", which is radfem rhetoric. Radfems also believe men should all die because they're gross. You can spread rhetoric without actually believing in most values of the thing you're spreading. Stop putting words in my mouth that I never said just because you're upset that I caught you spouting bullshit.

You are really mad about people who you consider to be "just fine", in your own words. I'm not your personal therapist to scream at because you're uncomfortable with the way someone identifies. If you genuinely have a problem with people identifying as bi lesbians because you see it as "non lesbians are ruining our sexuality by forcing men into it!" You seriously need to reconsider how you even view sex and sexualities as a whole. People identifying in a way that they feel fits their personal experiences does not harm you, no matter how much you say it does. It is their experiences first and foremost that let them pick a label that suits them the most, not your ideas behind what a "real lesbian" is.

I'm not going to entertain this entire thought process and debate you on why you're wrong and disgusting for thinking that way because you've clearly taken me in bad faith, and in the first place I'm not even the person you're mad at. I'm just a gay trans man* to begin with, I'm not in lesbian communities and I don't engage with discourse about it. But frankly, I don't believe people's identity should be discourse.

Also, to add: the very idea that being lesbian means excluding men entirely over loving women is a radfem ideology. Men aren't some toxic beast unlike what you'd assume, and many women are men at the same time. People's genders are extremely complex, even my own is. I don't care if you don't personally like men as a lesbian, that's just fine. I as a gay man am only attracted to people who don't identify as women in any aspect. That doesn't mean I get to enforce the same definition to people who have been around for years more than I have, just because I don't feel the same way. That's not how this works.

I don't care about whatever baggage you have when it comes to your sexuality label. I don't care if you personally chose the label lesbian because you hate men, though I'm not saying you do. That doesn't mean you alone get to be judge jury and executioner about who gets to be a lesbian. "Contradictory" identities have been around before both of us have been born and they will still be around no matter what. Bi lesbians have been around longer than both of us have. It is not anyone's right, no matter how much of a "true lesbian" you are, to tell them how to identify in good faith.

Now fuck off and don't come back ever again. You're a miserable hateful person and I want no part in interacting with you. You're acting like a fed and you get no bitches.

[quiveringdeer]

i have sent anon asks usually abt bertholdt and i am far too scared to actually interact w u so instead i am going to timidly ask if i can be 🪷 anon 😭😭 and send u this bertholdt ask im abt to send right now LOL sorry 🙁😭 my adhd has taken the best of me and my brain can’t go any further than “wow opposite attract 😃” in this fic im writing abt savior goddess oc x god of destruction bertholdt where OC is a titan shifter and her titan is praised to be the saving grace of her homeland while bertholdt’s infamous CT is known as the god of destruction; they are both used as tools for the gain of power, OC being seen as a savior and bertholdts titans main purpose is to destroy - including OC’s titan homeland. back when the warriors first receive their titans, one of their first missions is to attack OC’s homeland, which puts this border between OC and RBA + Marcel but especially bertholdt since they’re the closest which is evident throughout the whole story; they are no longer comrades/best friends, they are enemies - this is the first realization OC has at just 11 years old when she witnesses bertholdt, who has fully mastered the CT at just 11 years old, blowing up her homeland; one day, she’ll go to marley and do the same, for her homeland. anyways OC is sent to paradis bc Marley doesn’t want her homeland gaining any power with her titan and like I stated before, there is a clear border between OC + RBAM, they do not talk, they do not interact with each other, they only talk when it is necessary. OC is very determined to gain liberation and embraces her role as a god. Bertholdt is very passive and meek about his role as the god of destruction. Although OC is very determined about her role as the saving grace for her homeland, OC knows she is not fit for the role, even if she is full of determination and will and comparing this to Bertholdt, who knows he is fit for the role because someone has to get blood on their hands and he would rather it be him than anybody else. So OC may have more of a spine, Bertholdt has more of an understanding of what it is to be labeled a “god”. so essentially, the relationship between OC and Bertholdt is savior and destruction, bertholdt is bound to destroy the world around him and OC is bound to save this world. Bertholdt is the forest fire and OC is the seed thst grows out of it. They are interconnected, no matter how much they’ve grown apart, one cannot exist without the other. Bertholdt will always seek to be saved and OC will always save him. anyways my question is, since I really really like the way you write, how do I write or better the connection (both romantic and non-romantic) between OC and Bert? i want it to be deep and full of meaning and angst and toxicity but everything I write is very surface level :(

IM SORRY ITS SO LONG!!! I DIDNT EXPECT IT TO BE THIS LONG!! :O

😲 First off!

Please don't be intimidated by me!!! I am but a ridiculous being who spends entirely too much time fantasizing about fiction worlds and characters ☺️ But you can totally be 🪷 nonnie!

Also, I'm so honored you'd write me like this since I feel like I so rarely post legit writing here. It means so much that you think so highly of my works!

Okay, now for my commentary, which may not be the best cause it's late but I didn't wanna wait to respond cause I might forget

I really dig this idea! I'm seeing some similarities with ideas I've had clunkin around my head about other nations outside the continent and Paradis, having been blessed with the power of titans but maintaining and utilizing them in a less power hungry way than Eldia did. And thus keeping them under wraps throughout the wars and all that-outside keeping their communities safe.

I guess to begin I want to pose a couple questions that may turn this into a way bigger fic scope than you want it to be so feel free to ignore!:

with OC being from a different homeland (so not Marley) how does she grow up and initially befriend Bertie and the crew?

In the same vein, how does Marley possess the power to send her to Paradis? Is it as an exile?

Why does OC not feel fit for her role? She seems pretty damn fit for it to me with your description of her embracing the role to gain liberation for her people /and herself from exile?

I think it may be difficult to really build a more solid, deep connection between OC and Bertie if the rift happens so early on in their lives. Perhaps, they aren't aware that Marley is planning to use the others to destroy OCs homeland? Maybe initially they broker a deal to help train OC to better wield their titan in order to be a proper protector for their homeland. In reality Marley is wanting her beneath their thumb as another power seat in their own pocket. Her bonding with Bertholdt and the others just helps solidify this piece and so they have he accompany the crew on the Paradis mission to further prove her/her homelands allegiance to the Empire of Marley?

So then they have those extra years to grow closer and such and get to an age where romantic feelings could be sparked due to puberty and such. It could be more canon divergent from there, in that they return (maybe victorious over Paradis even) and Marley decides after that successful mission, that wiping out/conquering OC's homeland will put them into an even greater seat of power among the nations?

[dreamlandcreations]

I fucking hate community labels!!!! 🤬😤🤬😤🤬😤🤬😤

Doesn't matter if I set to show it all it does not!!! And now some posts can't even be viewed on mobile bc it stops at the mature content warning and keeps redirecting to the goddamn dashboard

Also, there is no appeal on desktop for the flagged posts and it doesn't work on the app either

I tried like a 100 times.

And now I'm forced on labels even though it says that I didn't violate the terms and I can't even see what kind of label they put on it 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

I mean, it's not like I don't give an extensive warning list for every fic 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Meanwhile every tag is filled with fucking porn bots 😤😤😤😤😤😤

[lovethisletters]

Poly MC! hc for the: Demon Brothers!

This is my first time writing anything about poly relationships! So I'm a bit nervous! I took the time to do a bit of research about the subject...however I still have a lot to learn; if you find anything that might be offensive please let me know! Just know I didn't do it with any ill intentions and I'll make sure to correct my mistakes!

Also I didn't knew if you refered to a poly MC who is in a relationship with all of the brothers or how each individual brother would react to MC coming out as poly to them and later starting a poly relationship and how they behave in said relationship...so I did the latter bc I found it to be a bit more easy to write and the first option would have been way too long and I was worried it might come off as boring because of it :c (but maybe I'll try to edit it and then upload it...some day...idk)

so...here it is!

Keys: MC = your main character name

Summary: MC comes out as poly to the Demon Brothers and how they behave in a poly relationship!

Additional notes: MC is gender neutral!

TW: small mentions or implications of jealous/possessive behavior (they're very minimal, but still...just in case)

▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️

Lucifer

Lucifer is probably the one you're the most nervous to talk to.

But when you finally find the courage to do so it goes...to put it mildly, a bit... weird.

He stares blankly at you like you just said to him that water is a liquid or something, he's not very...responsive.

His reaction might come off as rude, considering you spend all this time trying to figure out the "best" way to come out and talk about the possibility of starting a poly relationship.

But the reason why he's not talking much is because he's trying to avoid saying anything he might regret later, you see... he's trying to process his own feelings towards the matter.

Lucifer is someone who has lived for a long, looooooong time, so it's more likely than not that he's already experienced being in a poly relationship.

thing is...such relationship was more experimentation rather than something serious.

And now he has you...someone for who he'll be willing to die for...

He won't say it but deep down he feels like his pride has been bruised.

He just doesn't want to "share" you, you're his and his alone!

But when he looks up at you, and see just how nervous you are, waiting patiently for any kind of reaction from him.

He realizes he's thinking of you as an object and not a person and mentally kicks himself in the face for it.

Lucifer reaches for your hand and offers you a small smile.

After a long conversation where you two express your own desires and worries, you two agree and decide to give it a try.

At first... I'm not gonna lie...it would be quite... difficult...

The man is possessive and struggles to see you giving any kind of affection to any of his brothers.

However I think he genuinely wants this to work, he wants to see you happy and knows that just because you also love his brothers doesn't mean you love him any less.

So he'll sit down and talk to you whenever he feels jealous, he knows communication is key and it honestly makes him feel a bit better.

With time Lucifer comes to accept it; He loves you and he loves his brothers and it makes him happy that they all can share such bond with you.

Mammon

I think he's the one who'll have a harder time adapting to a poly relationship.

I'll even go as far to say Lucifer's jealousy pales in comparison to Mammon's and I think this is due to his low self-esteem.

He won't accept it but he's jealous af when he sees you "getting cozy" with any of his brothers.

He'll even interrupt the moment by placing himself in the middle of whoever you were getting close to or think about some lame excuse to take you away.

This makes things more difficult and tense for everyone, so if Mammon continues his shenanigans expect a LOT more arguing from the brothers...(yes...more than normal...)

You'll have to sit him down and talk to him about his insecurities.

The first times he won't be very open with you, I think he might even get a bit angry if you even imply he's jealous and act all offended and walk out of the room.

Surprisingly the one who makes him understand how toxic he's being and how much this affects you is Asmo!

He'll have a serious talk with him, and just the fact of seeing his often bubbly and cheerful young bro being all serious is enough for Mammon to realize that what he's been doing and how he's been acting hurts you and his brothers.

He'll apologize...the Mammon way...

But ultimately he now makes an effort to respect whenever you're close to one of his brothers.

Just like Lucifer. Mammon will come to accept you love him and his brothers all the same.

He'll sometimes even suggest places you all can go together for a date.

Please, be patient with the avatar of greed with time he will come to accept that love exist in more than one way or form.

Leviathan

Surprisingly, unlike his older brothers, your favorite shut-in-otaku has an easier time adapting to a poly relationship.

Easier, however does not mean problems are inexistent...

He has a low self-esteem and sometimes might get the feeling that you're ""picking favorites""

However he won't tell you anything about it, and he'll just try to pretend like nothing is wrong.

Fortunately for you, Levi is quite easy to read so you immediately notice whenever he's feeling sad.

But all you have to do is have a little gaming session with him, and as the two of you "game" the night away he'll eventually open up to you about whatever is bothering him.

All it takes is a little reassurance and saying "I love you" to the avatar of envy from time to time and he'll be all good with you showing affection to the rest of his brothers.

Satan

Uhhhh...this is a tricky one...

You see...Satan is probably the second brother you came out to and perhaps you didn't even realized that you did because it just happened so natural.

The two of you were talking and it just slipped out of your mouth and he was like "hahaha, right?" And continued the conversation as normal.

He genuinely doesn't care, (don't get me wrong I don't mean that in a bad way) but all he knows is that he loves you and he wants you to be happy, and if expanding the love that the two of you have to his brothers makes you happy, then so be it!

However... remember I said this was tricky?

Satan has no issue with you being affectionate with his brothers...all of them except for Lucifer...

When he sees you getting close to Lucifer he won't say anything, he won't make a scene or a passive-agressive remark, he'll just excuse himself and exit the room. (Neither he will confront you about it later when the two of you are alone)He won't say anything at all; he'll just stay silent and pretend like nothing is wrong.

However you'll be able to notice Satan's true feelings whenever Lucifer has a small present or gesture with you.

Oh? Lucifer gifted you a $300,000 coat? Well, Satan will give you another coat but this one is $600,000.

Lucifer treated you to dinner at ristorante six? Well, darling... guess what? Satan will reserve the entire building just for you!

At some point he will notice how bad this makes you feel, since he's turning a relationship into a competition and that's no good...

He'll eventually take a step back and realize how childish he's being, how his behavior hurts your feelings and might have even made you feel guilty or responsible for his beef with his older brother.

Before you even decide to talk to him about it, he already knows what you're trying to say, so he'll be the one to sit you down and apologize for his wrongdoings.

You're someone who he values dearly and all that he wants is for you to be happy, so he'll be willing to make the effort to get along or at least be a little more tolerant of Lucifer.

There might be times where they still fight and stop talking to each other for long periods of time, but the two of them will take the time to let you know that this has nothing to do with you and that there's no reason for you tu feel guilty.

Because if there's something in wich both, the avatar of pride and wrath agree in... Is in how much they love you.

Asmodeus

Asmodeus (definitely) was the first one to know about you being polyamorous.

He probably knew before you even said anything, let's be honest here...

He's probably the one who you're more comfortable talking about it.

The brothers accept you, yes...but Asmo understands you!

He knows that the world can be quite cruel to people who love differently to what our society stablish as "normal".

Whenever he expressed his liking for more than one person he was shamed or labeled as someone promiscuous who'll never be deserving of "true" love.

It happened in the celestial realm, in the human realm, and even sometimes here in the devildom.

Angels where expected to only focus in the lord and nothing else, some humans are close minded and shame whoever is different from them, and demon's often confuse love with obsession and get easily tangled up in possessive behavior, often viewing their partners as objects rather than individuals with their own goals and desires. (his brothers are the perfect example of that)

So he just knows how difficult it might have been for you to find acceptance.

So he gives it to you; acceptance, reassurance, however many times you need to.

He'll be the one to encourage you to talk with his brothers, he'll be there to support you if you ever feel nervous, and he'll be the one to call his brothers out on their bs whenever they start to show any signs of toxic behavior.

He knows in all relationships communication and trust in your partners is key to a successful relationship, so he reminds this to everyone and even goes as far as to make plans where everyone feels included.

Overall the avatar of lust is the voice of reason in this relationship, because he knows better than anyone else that love is something that can't and should never be limited by what others believe or expect "true love" should look like.

Beelzebub

You weren't sure how Beel would react once you told him.

But still you were pleasantly surprised by Beel's reaction!

He was so accepting from the beginning and even thanked you for trusting him enough to share this with him.

He's happy that you want him to form part of this relationship.

He knows his brothers love you as much as he does and that you love them back, so he sees this as the perfect option for everyone.

He even thinks this relationship has brought everyone closer together.

Over all the avatar of gluttony is more than happy to be with you and share your affection with people he holds equally as dearly.

Belphegor

Belphie, much like Lucifer struggles to understand why would you want such a thing?

Is his love not enough for you?

It takes little more time for him to understand you, and learn that love doesn't just limits to one person.

He can be a bit insensitive some times, so he might accidentally say something hurtful to you about it.

And that's when Asmo has to intervene...

He'll have a talk with his younger brother and make him realize that there's more than one form of love and how his words might have hurt you.

He'll apologize...(much like Mammon) in his own way...

After thinking about it for a while, he realizes he's happy whenever you show affection to Beel, and wonders if it would be the same with the rest of his brothers.

Slowly but surely, Belphie it's more open to this new relationship.

There'll be times where he might try to monopolize your love, but he'll stop once you, Beel or Asmo call him out on it.

His favorite thing of this new relationship is whenever you spend time with him and Beel.

Please be patient with the avatar of sloth.

▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️

If you find any grammatical errors let me know! I'm trying to improve my english and that would help me so so much!

I will forever thank you if you go check out my other profile: @aileysmirnov  where I post things about my OC: edits, one-shots, imagines, art, etc. If you like Greek mythology and the bat family maybe you would get to be as fond of her as much as I am!

Anyway, thank you for reading!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

[ cw unreality / childhood trama? ] hey can i ask for some resources or adivce on something, my parents when i was younger used to taunt me about my weight and made jokes about me and how they couldn't full wrap their hand around my wrist. they fucked up my self esteem by saying my best chance at college was community college and wouldn't disagree with my sisters saying they should've stopped at two (im the youngest of three), i got blamed for having the most attention but i never really got it? and they would always yell at me if i couldn't understand something immediately and would disregard alot of asks to get medical treatment for stuff. i tried telling them before but they always disregarded it and said they never did it and now i feel like im losing sense of my childhood in a way bc i can't remember if my stories are fake or real. it's also been screwing with my memory recently because i can't remember alot of details sometimes or information, and no matter how hard i try it won't fully lodge in my brain. i want to find an way even if i can't get professionally get closure on my mental health, to be able to put a label on what my emotions are so i could feasibly find resources or anything that could help me stay solid on the ground. thoughts?

Hey anon,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's an awful situation to be in, and you truly deserve better. I'm so, so sorry you aren't getting it.

From what you've described, it sounds like your parents are emotionally abusing you. They've belittled you for your weight and destroyed your self-esteem in multiple ways--if what they were doing was from a peer it would likely classify as bullying, and that's traumatic and incredibly hard to deal with. On top of that, they're denying what they've done and are gaslighting you, which is likely why you're questioning your perception of your childhood.

If they're still gaslighting you, it may be helpful to keep a tangible list of the things they do to you, so you know it's real if you question it later. It's horrible when this is your only way to know what really happened and what you've been conditioned to believe didn't, but it really does help.

Your brain stores memories differently when you're in a traumatic environment--short-term memories, especially those related to your trauma, just don't get transferred to long-term memory, and you completely forget them. I can't remember the vast majority of my childhood until my dad moved out for this reason, including the abusive things he would do--I only know details from what my mother's told me. It's a surreal feeling, and it's very frustrating and confusing. It's really hard to deal with, but it's entirely possible that it's why you're having a hard time remembering things, and I'm so sorry.

I really hope this helps you understand what you're going through, anon. If you need any more help, please feel free to reach out to us, and we'll do our best to help you. None of this is your fault, and you truly deserve better. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

Stay safe,

Mod Henrie

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

hi. i'm bisexual but i thought i was a lesbian for literal years because i would always see like, posts saying that if ur attraction to men feels weird or uncomfortable it's just comphet. when in reality it could be internalized biphobia or past trauma! but anyways yeah here's the thing. i've wholly accepted my attraction to both men and women now but i still feel quite uncomfortable around men who i like?? i just feel so weird and apprehensive and scared. vs with women i feel giddy. i don't know how to get over this or why it's happening, because i want the chance to be intimate with both. but there's like.. some kind of block that prevents me from fully leaning into my attraction to men? i don't think i have any past trauma related to them? unless maybe dad stuff? but just fmhdknfda it's frustrating. i know y'all aren't therapists but maybe someone has a word of advice?

I guess that can be tough when you’ve been convinced for years that you’re a lesbian. It also (I assume) means that you haven’t had any or not a lot of intimate experience with men so some of the anxiety might come from that. Like... while “““everyone else”““ has made those experiences already, you haven’t. Of course that’s not really true bc everyone moves at their own pace anyway and it also shouldn’t matter but it might be what your brain is stuck in. If that’s the case then I’d say that any decent guy would not mind a lack of experience at all and would be happy to accomodate you and make this work as you explore something that might be new to you.

Also, I’m not sure how out you are/were as a lesbian? If you were out as that then another aspect might now be that you feel guilty for “““betraying the lesbian community”““ and dread re-coming out. Again, also bullshit because people can change their labels at any time, but sometimes our brains are weird and we put much higher expectations onto ourselves than we would put on others.

I guess the best advice here is to just try not to freak out. Do what feels right and take your time. But it’s always fine to take a step back and take a time out when it’s getting too much. And if you realise there are some general trust issues with men then perhaps it does make sense to talk about that in a couple of therapy sessions, even if there wasn’t any severe trauma in your past.

Also also.... have you considered specifically trying to date queer men? That’s a very valid choice and might make it easier for you to trust them because the whole aspect of them having to accept your queerness isn’t gonna be a problem? Though I would also suggest trying to internalise that cishet men can also be wonderful partners to queer women.

Do you have any male friends? Maybe it could also be a good first step just to hang out with guys more without any intention of dating them just so you can get used to being around men and interacting with them?

I really don’t have any concrete solution here, so this was more of a brainstorming but I hope it helps.

Maddie

[capfalcon]

I noticed a while ago you said you are cool with all pronouns except they/them. Is there a particular reason for that? if this question is too personal you can ignore it, I was just curious because I'm trying to figure out what pronouns I'm comfortable with.

yes!

okay, so, on this blog i’ve often said that i’m nonbinary. this is true. i do not fall into the binary ideas of gender “girl vs guy” “man vs woman.” however, a more accurate label would be agender.

to put it in easy terms: i don’t have a gender. to me, it’s an entirely made up idea based on traits and dislikes/likes. “you’re a woman because of x trait and x like and x dislike” or “you’re a man because of x trait and x like and x dislike.” just seems so useless to me. 

but! this does not change the fact that growing up i was treated as a girl by nearly everyone i met. i sympathize with women, and i have the experiences of a woman, and i know what that feels like. i myself am not one, but i was TREATED like one by the vast majority of people in my life, and that shaped me. so. i use she/her pronouns because i like affiliating myself with women, i like that solidarity, i like the community. i also use he/him pronouns because, like i said, i don’t have a gender, and it doesn’t matter to me.

(gonna put a cut bc this is long)

however. i do not like they/them pronouns AT ALL. to me, they/them has this air of ambiguity, which i know is what a lot of nonbinary people like. i, however, don’t. what i like about identifying as she/her is that i get to affiliate myself with women, that i get to say “hey, i have shared experiences despite not being cis.” same with he/him, there’s an affiliation there. but to me, they/them is extremely ambiguous, and has practically zero affiliation? which, like i said, is what some people LOVE about it. i just don’t.

also, i’m kind of a unique case. i’ve always known i was nonbinary. one of my guardians once told me, that they kind of inadvertently raised me “gender neutral.” i didn’t have an idea of “boys or girls” when i was growing up. and i never really thought of myself as a “girl.” even in early writing, like when i was 9, i never refer to myself as a girl. i always write “person,” or “human.” and when i found out the term for nonbinary, i kinda went “oh, cool, there’s a name for it” and moved on? my whole life i’ve been using she/her pronouns while KNOWING i wasn’t a girl, but i still love the women in my life, and my experiences with womanhood aren’t things i’d like to disavow or give up. 

anyway, most of this is just largely personal choice, but yeah, that’s the easiest answer. i don’t like the ambiguity of they/them, i don’t like that lack of affiliation. also, i like the way she/her and he/him sound. 

[marinsawakening]

I love your blog and your autistic and aro headcanons! I just wanted to ask: I'm [probably] not an autistic person but sometimes yours and other autistic people's headcanons and writing about experiences inspire my own autistic character headcanons. I worry I should not be making these headcanons (in case I'm misinterpreting your experiences or being unintentionally Terrible) but if you have any advice on this I'd be grateful! No worries if not, as well. Keep being your fantastic self

This is a really sweet message thank you so much! As a general rule, there’s nothing wrong with allistics making autistic headcanons; in fact, I’d personally really like to see that be something that grows more mainstream, because it’d mean normalization of autistic headcanons/characters and show a general growing interest in actually learning about autism. So please, do go ahead and make your headcanons! There’s no problem with them!

That said, it’s also unfortunately true that some allistics (often a lot of them) who make autistic headcanons can fall into some common ableist (or not necessarily ableist but still kind of unfortunate) pitfalls, so in case you’re worried about that (although honestly the fact that you sent this ask in the first place probably means that you’re good anyway), here’s some tips and tricks to avoid common issues with allistic autistic headcanons (there’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one):

Please don’t use functioning labels for your autistic characters. Functioning labels are labels like ‘high-functioning’ and ‘low-functioning’, and they’re generally considered to be bad by the autistic community for a variety of reasons (more here (although most of the links are dead), here, here (under ‘We Are One Community’), here). However, I’ve noticed a lot of allistics (and ignorant autistics too) who add these onto their headcanons. Please don’t? 

More of a personal thing, but please don’t separate your autistic headcanons into ‘Aspergers’ and ‘autism’. Aspergers is autism, and with the updated DSM, does not exist anymore and has been merged into the overarching diagnosis of ASD. Classifying specific characters as ‘aspies’ is alienating to autistics who aren’t aspies. If aspies themselves headcanon characters as aspies I don’t mind, but when allistics do it I get Suspicious. 

This also goes for separating your autism diagnosis into ‘PDD-NOS’ and ‘classical autism’, but I pretty much never see that so it has lower priority.

Full disclosure though: I have very negative experiences with the Aspergers diagnosis in general and I hate it so much that I have ‘aspie’, ‘aspergers’, and ‘aspergers syndrome’ just straight up blacklisted. I’m not an unbiased source here. 

While we’re on the topic of correct language usage, please use identity first language for your autistic headcanon, not person first language (identity first: autistic person; person first: person with autism). The majority of the autistic community prefers identity first language because we don’t feel like our autism can be separated from who we are (more here, here). 

Also maybe refrain from using the phrases ‘ASD’, ‘on the spectrum’, ‘somewhere on the autism spectrum’, etc. and just use ‘autistic’ instead. There’s nothing inherently Problematic(TM) about those phrases, but it’s really weird to read an entire autistic headcanon that doesn’t use the word autistic, or seems to want to avoid using it. 

Don’t use infantilizing language! Maybe think twice before calling your autistic headcanon a ‘precious baby’ or a ‘smol child’ or something, especially if they’re a grown adult. I mean, doing this once in the tags of a post when they’re being cute or something is fine, but do NOT do this on posts where you talk about them being autistic, and do NOT do this on a regular basis.

Do NOT compare them to inhuman things like animals, computers, or aliens. Just. Don’t. Ever.

Be careful headcanoning inhuman characters as autistic. It’s generally not inherently problematic, especially not in fantasy/sci-fi shows where the majority of the cast is inhuman, but it gets really tiring to only ever see the robot/alien headcanoned as autistic, and it promotes our dehumanization. Just examine your patterns and maybe try headcanoning a human character as autistic as well in those sci-fi/fantasy shows?

This goes more for robots/aliens than for things like elves. Robots/aliens tend to be autism-coded, which has lead to the negative stereotype that autistics are like robots, and the very literal alienation of autistic people. Elves, on the other and, are not historically autism-coded, and are generally considered super cool and graceful and such, so headcanoning them as autistic is pretty much always okay.

If possible, promote autistics who make content for your autistic headcanon! Read their fics! Reblog their headcanon posts! If you can’t find stuff that’s fine, and you can definitely make your own stuff as well, but if you can, promote autistics!

Related, listen to autistics! Not just when we tell you something is problematic, but if you’re making headcanons, it’s a good idea to have at least a base knowledge of our experiences and the issues we face, so that you don’t accidentally do something problematic. (Anon seems to have this down already, but since this is more of a general list, I’m putting it on anyway). ASAN and the Autism Women’s Network are both fantastic places to start learning about autism, Autism Speaks is the devil and to be avoided at all costs, and there’s plenty of autistic bloggers on this site, so maybe follow some autism blogs!

Don’t put an ‘I’m allistic so tell me if I said something bad!’ disclaimer on your autistic headcanon posts. This is a good habit when writing Serious Posts, but for headcanons, it’s unnecessary and generally kinda weird. It’s not Problematic(TM), and I understand having anxiety and insecurity when making headcanons for something outside of your experience, but it’s. Kinda annoying. Do it in the tags instead; that way people can still be informed about the fact that you’re allistic, without it being obnoxiously on the post no matter what you do.

Don’t write fic specifically about being autistic - you are not autistic and you’re probably gonna get something wrong. Instead, incorporate your autistic headcanon into fics about something else. It’s fine if the autism features heavily, just... no ‘x always knew they were different’ or ‘x has always seen the word in a different light due to the fact that they’re autistic’-centric fics. 

Exception: you can write fics about being autistic provided you have an autistic beta/sensitivity reader. And if you do, mention it somewhere on the fic. Idk about other autistics, but unless an autism-centric fic seems like it was written by an autistic, I scroll right past it, because they tend to be very ableist if they’re written by allistics. So if you have an autistic sensitivity reader, mention it.

Headcanon lists are fine though! Headcanon lists are generally less intensive and require less ability to ‘get into someone’s head’ than fic writing, so if you want to say ‘I headcanon x as autistic because y reasons’ or ‘x is autistic and they stim in the following ways/have meltdowns/script/etc.’ that’s fine and cool!

Fanart and edits are cool too! Again, there’s less need to get into someone’s head, so drawing a character while stimming or editing the autism/neurodiversity rainbow infinity symbol behind them is just fine!

Every once in a while, sit back and examine the patterns in your autistic headcanons. What kind of characters are you headcanoning as autistic? Do you notice any worrying patterns? For example, are all your autistic headcanons white, or are they all male, or are they all robots/aliens, or do you also just so happen to headcanon all of them as aro/ace and/or unavailable for romantic/sexual relationships? That’s not to say that any and all patterns are always bad or ableist (pretty much all of my autistic headcanons are also aspec bc I’m an autistic aspec and I like projecting) (although if your autistic headcanons are always male/white, then yes that’s absolutely bad), but if you find a pattern, examine possible reasons why it exists.

This is a good habit to get into with any kind of minority headcanon, by the way! I’m gonna use LGBT+ headcanons as an example: who are you headcanoning as aspec and why? Do you notice a particular LGBT+ that’s getting left behind in your headcanons? Do you always pick the same character archetype for certain LGBT+ headcanons (for example, cold unapproachable characters as aro or extroverted characters as pan), and if so, why? 

Actually! Examining your patterns in fandom behaviour in general is good. If you notice you usually don’t like female characters, then that’s probably something you should examine. If you notice that all your faves are white and that you are more interested in white background characters than main characters of colour, you should examine that. If you notice that, even though you like this minority character or headcanon, you don’t consume or create any content for them, examine why. 

Problematic fandom behaviour very rarely manifests itself in something that happens once. It’s not inherently wrong to dislike this female character or not to like that ace headcanon, but if you notice that you consistently don’t like or aren’t interested in a particular character or headcanon, or if you notice that you consistently give particular characters particular headcanons, that might be an issue. Like I said, patterns are not always bad, but it’s good to be aware of them in case they are.

I’ll elaborate a bit on autistic aspec headcanons bc that’s such a hot button issue in fandom (bc people are asshats), but the tl;dr is that autistic aspec headcanons are not inherently bad and in fact, as an autistic aspec myself, I rather like them. However, headcanoning the one autistic-coded character as the one aroace in the group unfortunately does happen pretty often (Entrapta from She-Ra comes to mind - I’ve seen SO MANY posts about how everyone is a lesbian in She-Ra except for Entrapta, who is aroace of course, and it’s... pretty suspicious). But that’s not to say that you cannot headcanon autistic-coded/headcanoned characters as aspec; I elaborate more on this topic here (featuring a GREAT addition by @aroworlds!). Just examine your patterns and why they exist.

So this is not something that Inherently Problematic(TM), but it’s very annoying to me, so here goes: maybe diversify your autistic headcanons. I’m not saying ‘make sure your autistic headcanons are also poc/lgbt/etc.’ (although that’s very cool too), but just... diversify the autism itself. Often, it’s the exact same character archetype that gets headcanoned as autistic, and as an autistic whose autism tends to manifest in less typical ways, it gets... annoying. 

Examples of typical autism tropes: the eccentric (computer/science) genius, the robot/alien, the socially awkward.traumatized loner, etc.

Examples of characters frequently headcanoned as autistic: Tony Stark (eccentric computer genius), Bruce Banner (socially awkward science genius), Pidge from Voltron (eccentric computer/science genius), Keith from Voltron (socially awkward loner alien), Entrapta (eccentric computer/science genius), Sherlock Holmes (eccentric genius), etc.

Also note how 90% of these characters are skinny white guys.

Seriously it’s 100% more likely for a skinny white guy to get headcanoned as autistic than it is for any character of colour and/or female character to get headcanoned as autistic, PLEASE examine your biases.

Examples of character archetypes that damn near never get headcanoned as autistic: team leaders, extroverted/loud characters, team heart (aka the ‘team mediator’, the glue that keeps people together), etc.

Examples of autistic headcanons I have that are non-conventional/less common: Allura from Voltron (team heart, leader), Hunk from Voltron (team heart), Arthur from BBC Merlin (leader), Kaldur’ahm from Young Justice (leader).

All of these characters are pretty damn autism-coded, and while it’s not... impossible to find content for some of these, there’s generally a lot less for them. 

What I’m getting at is that, because the stereotypical autism-coded character of the eccentric computer nerd/socially awkward loner/robot/alien looms larger in the public consciousness, there’s a confirmation bias when it comes to these kind of characters. This often gets coupled with the stereotype that all autistic people are white boys, which results in a whole lot of the same white guys being headcanoned as autistic, even when other characters are just as if not more autism-coded. 

It’s not Problematic(TM) to headcanon more stereoypically autism-coded characters as autistic, and it’s honestly not even Problmatic(TM) to only headcanon those characters as autistic, especially not if an autistic person who does present like that relates to those characters or if an allistic isn’t sure about their headcanons and wants to play it safe. But it does lead to a very monotone depiction of autism, and leads autistic people who don’t fit the stereotypical mold (me!) to feel left out. So, if possible, try researching lesser known autism traits or just generally thinking a bit out of the box when making autism headcanons.

It’s definitely bad to only headcanon skinny white guys as autistic though. Like I know I’ve said this 50 times now, but seriously, fandom racism and sexism (or a neat combination of the two in case of female character of colour) is SUPER noticeable in autistic headcanons. 

And lastly: when in doubt, ask an autistic! Asking questions isn’t illegal, and if you’re not sure about whether x thing you want to do is okay, just shoot an autistic (who is okay with questions) an ask! I’m always open for questions about autism and such (and I love talking about it so that’s a bonus), so don’t be afraid to hit me up for further info!

[dailyarturia]

I apologize for bothering you for your objective opinion so much, my king, but once again I need your objective opinion. This time I need your objective opinion on the Berserkers. I'm severely concerned that I have shit taste in Berserkers, and I know that unlike me you are definitely a man of culture.

very large. back from ye olde days where berserkers generally couldn’t actually communicate so unfortunately a bit lacking in complex characterisation compared to others. lovin the whole ‘made to kill his own children in rage which is what qualifies him as berserker in the first place and now gives his all to keep this singular parentless child safe despite supposedly being made into a mindless raging beast’ thing. 8/10

bucket knight. also an old school zerker who can’t talk outside kariya’s fever dreams but he does scream in french sometimes. an overly loyal knight who nonetheless put his own wishes above what he believed were his king’s once and then spent the rest of his life feeling guilty about it to the point where it straight up drove him crazy because he couldn’t understand that arturia has -15 consideration of her own wants. his kink is getting shamed and he would probably get a heart attack if arturia did that hands on her hips disappointed look pose in his general vicinity. 8/10

get OUT of my HOUSE. ugly and horrifying but could totally beat gilgamesh in a fight and the image of ol gregory getting his nuts kicked in by a metal underpants enthusiast is high quality content so he gets points for that. 3/10

this is what we in the scientific community call a daughter. a good girl who just wants to be loved but has severe trust issues after being abandoned by the person who literally created her. can in fact talk but it takes a lot of effort so she doesn’t bother because like, fuck humans right, why should she put in effort to make herself understood when they’re not gonna want to understand her either way. I’m so blessed & grateful that moriarty is her dad now. 9/10

i’ll be honest I still have no idea what his character is supposed to be like its not like he had a lot of screentime in extra and extella is very bad to its side characters. ?/10

the fucking supreme. pandered to like a dozen of my kinks and gave me a few more. my first 5*. the end of my f2p days and the start of my journey to becoming the monster god. the design. the skillset. the teeth. the c l a w s. a king despite hating kings. a machinelike killer despite living for the thrill of the fight. a man who wants to just die already yet obstinately refuses to. a contradictory mess that denounces every ideal he used to live by yet clings to them harder than ever. a monster whose personal arc after being summoned isn’t how he’s still human at heart or whatever but how he was a monster before he looked like one already so like, don’t even worry about it. his mad enhancement is EX(C ) and his material entry revealed that this weird rank is bc it’s not even actual battle rage, he’s just so fucking stubborn it gets classified as mad enhancement. EX/10 the love of my fucking life

the smile of an angel. seems completely rational at first but is still classified as a berserker with EX rank mad enhancement because of her inhuman determination to save as many lives as possible without any regard for the quality of that saved life. she’d amputate all of a person’s limbs in an instant if that’s what it’d take for them to not die. she has canonically beat people to a pulp to ‘cure’ their mental issues. completely dedicated her life to becoming a healing machine at the cost of her own health and even personhood. her profile says she doesn’t actually listen to others but in her myroom lines she takes an active interest in your hobbies and opinions and she also gets flustered when you call her an angel. i literally cannot fucking wait until ch america hits NA server she’s so fucking good and i want everyone to love her. 15/10

THIS IS WHAT A FRIEND LOOKS LIKE. the actual embodiment of “cool guy has a chill day”. a smile that rivals the sun and an attitude that turns even the most ordinary days into a grand adventure. his mad enhancement is basically just that he’s kind of an idiot. 10/10

OX MOM OX MOM OX MOM her mother got knocked up by an ox demon in a dream and had to raise her in secret, and her human father didn’t accept her until she proved to be really strong and even then only as long as she would exterminate anyone who stood in the way of the clan. so scared of being shunned for her demon origins despite being loved & trusted as leader of the minamoto clan that she straight up exorcised her demon self into a separate personality to kill it (& herself with it) and was only barely stopped by the four heavenly kings. nowadays fiercely protective of anyone who knows about & accepts her demonic side to the point of insanity, which is where her EX mad enhancement comes from. a huge crybaby but gets shit done anyway. 10/10

THIS IS ALSO WHAT A FRIEND LOOKS LIKE. someone who was labeled and locked away as something evil due to being what is by all means called a monster even though he’s got a really gentle personality and likes being helpful. really good example of the whole “heroes and villains are nothing more than the roles individual complex people are forced to take on” theme fate likes to play with. has difficulty talking but it’s easy to come to an understanding with him as long as you call him by his personal name asterios rather than the name of the monster minotaur everyone assumed he’d be and he thus inevitably became. 10/10

the only reason he’s a berserker is because his name and the word “berserker” have the same etymology and the grail had no idea what other class to put him. this is the canon reason. he doesn’t have any mad enhancement to speak of beside being a lil hot blooded and liking to fight. literally only here because he likes to throw punches. got his ass beat by li shuwen in ch america because despite loving to throw a punch he’s not actually a martial artist and can’t win from someone with actual technique. a classic ‘jack of all trades master of none’, he literally sucks at being every single class but can’t not be summoned as a heroic spirit because he’s from the oldest english epic poem and a prototype for many other heroes. a free spirited adventurer who takes things as they come but can be responsible when it matters. 9/10 

once a good & wise ruler but fell into insanity in the last few years of his rule before finally getting assassinated. loved rome with all his heart for its beauty & splendour but got overwhelmed by the conspiracies and other evils that were also a part of it until the goddess of the moon, who he was in love with, made him insane, which he claims saved him in his bond ce. determined from then on to become the ugliest most evil motherfucker in all of rome so that he could take all the nastiest parts of rome with him in his inevitable death and have his dear cousin nero live in happiness, if only for a while. summoned as a hero despite being very close to an anti-hero because the good ruler he was before going insane responded to a call to save the world and still intent to do his part by simply dragging everything evil down with him. 8/10 wouldn’t it be nice if chapter rome had actually paid attention to roman servants other than nero.

looks like a bratty child but talks like an archaic mob boss. has horns and huge claws. easily bribed with chocolate. has a huge sword but just fucking headbuts her enemies instead. 10/10

many berserkers are angry men but only he is anger man. classified as a berserker not just due to his battlefield conduct but also the insane commitment he had to the laws of the shinsengumi, to the point where he would personally execute former comrades who broke them. both the first and last member of the shinsengumi, a man who dedicated his entire life to upholding its values in a rapidly changing japan. surprisingly rational and during gudaguda 2 okita didn’t even realize he’s a berserker because he didn’t become the fanatic that qualified him to be summoned as one until after okita’s death. one of the coolest skillsets in the game and definitely some of the sickest animations. 10/10

NORMALISE

FINDING

AND KILLING

ACHILLES

10/10

my fuckign girlfriend 10/10

the cutest enabler. 10/10

please god let me meet her. 10/10

when will takeuchi die

[tinycl0ud]

Do you have any tips on running a Studygram? I'm thinking of starting one but there are already so many Studygrams, I don't know if me making one will make an impact :(

hi anon! i’m not the best or biggest studygrammer out there but I’m flattered you decided to ask me :> i think it really depends on what you mean by making an ‘impact’, so before you start a studygram you rly gotta ask yourself what you hope to get out of it. do you want to gain followers? do you want a visual record of your study journey towards some major exam (like ‘A’ levels)? do you want to make friends online and feel like you’re part of a tight-knit and supportive social circle? do you want people to admire your lettering/ bujo? do you want to post photos of stationery? do you want to get extrinsic motivation in the form of encouraging comments and likes? there are tons of reasons why people start studygrams, not all of them healthy, but rly it’s your life so u can do what u want but u have to be honest with yourself and be prepared for the consequences. 

ok sO I SAID THAT ON MY STUDYBLR I WILL BE 100% REAL SO IMMA DO SOME REAL TALK AND IT MAY BE OFFENSIVE BC SOME THINGS OFTEN REMAIN UNSPOKEN BUT rly if u know me this is how i am 24/7 and if you disagree we can have a civil conversation about it later on. also i’m very sweary so you have all been warned.

if you’ve asked anyone else they’re v likely to tell you ‘the study community welcomes all! just do you and post original content and over time your account will grow’. maybe it’s worked for some people, but idk man it feels like a stock answer and i don’t think it’s working for most people who are in it for the numbers because they later resort to other methods that i will address below.

so before you dive into it i just wanna say that i have seen so many people get discouraged and stop posting / lash out at others because they did not get the popularity they wanted. they didn’t reach their ‘milestone’, an imaginary construct, and then they leave the community silently, or they go off on a rant about how it’s ‘cliquey’ or ‘exclusive’ or how ‘big accounts don’t care about small accounts’. WHY MAKE YOURSELF SO UNHAPPY THO? honestly being numbers-oriented will never give you happiness because THE STUDY COMMUNITY IS ALREADY OVERSATURATED and not every account can eventually ‘make it big’. this is the reality of it. you can try to gain followers by buying them, spending an inordinate amount of time plying smaller accounts with compliments and likes in the hopes that they will follow you willingly, sfs, fff, etc, OR you can not play the numbers game and do it for yourself. post what you want because you’re proud of your notes or your bujo. talk about your day or an exam or a test you screwed up on because you want to look back on both your mini successes and failures and see how far you’ve come. i’d recommend that. and to add on to that here are a handful of more specific ‘do not’s.

1️⃣ don’t obsess over your ratio. what ratio? the ‘posts : followers : following’ ratio. it’s childish and arbitrary. idk how having a 4:10k:70 ratio is supposed to make you a better person or a better student, but people really do that shit. like wtf. they delete/archive their posts and follow only big accounts (who MUST be mutuals) just to maintain that ratio. it’s ridiculous. and idk how someone can have the time to do all that AND get good grades. achieving the golden ratio at the expense of your own future is not worth it ya so fk that.

2️⃣ don’t obsess over making an ’aesthetic’ feed. i know this is really ironic coming from me bc my feed is just about as constructed and artificial as it gets. but that’s what i’m in it for, and my grades don’t suffer for it. also i want to add that i’m here to make something beautiful for myself, not to fit the prevailing ‘white’ aesthetic. i’ve seen so many people apologise for an ‘ugly’ post or an ‘ugly’ feed and honestly it makes me a little sad because what exactly are they comparing their photos to? real paper isn’t white. paper in natural lighting has a yellow tint to it. muji notebooks have yellowish paper. even white bedsheets don’t always come out white in photos. no one has good lighting 24/7. and honestly idgaf about a ‘clean’ feed which more often than not refers to White Everything which is not only unrealistic but Boring with a capital B. maybe your posts won’t get as many likes as you want it to because of the dim lighting or non-branded stationery or your ‘unaesthetic’ ink-blotted desk that isn’t strewn with potpourri. but if you’re thinking along those lines then you’re already doing it for the numbers, y’know what i mean? fk the numbers! do it for art! do it for yourself! art doesn’t need validation to be art! also from personal experience, the prettiest most artistic accounts are often highly underrated. to quote a friend, ‘people relate to mediocrity’. if you try to copy the big accounts because you want to have that kind of popularity, your feed will look boring and generic and lacklustre, like a knockoff version of theirs. except you don’t have the numbers either. so what does that make your account but the ghost of another person’s? just be yourself and post your own shit it’s better in the long run.

3️⃣ don’t apologise for ‘not posting enough’ or whatever. it’s your account and honestly you don’t owe it to anyone to post anything, esp if you don’t have the time or energy bc of exams or impt life events. also i honestly don’t think anyone cares if you don’t post for more than a week?? tbvh no one really cares or notice???? if posting becomes an obligation then why even run a studygram??? isn’t it supposed to be a fun and relaxing hobby? if you’re posting because you’re not gaining followers or impressions and you don’t even like the post that much so you’re gonna delete it later, WHAT IS THE POINT? pls refer to point 2.

4️⃣ don’t ask for sfs / fff. it may work with some of the nicer, more numbers-oriented people, but from what i know most big accounts really cannot stand it when some random upstart comments / dms asking for a shoutout or for a follow or for them to ‘check out their page’. you will be labelled thirsty or attention-seeking, and they may or may not mock you on their private accounts. it’s just really irritating? like why even create a study account if you’re just trying to play the numbers game? are your grades really going to improve if you can ‘reach’ 1k followers? i have never done sfs / fff bc it just feels dishonest to me. if i shoutout someone it’s bc i think their content is underrated and deserves more attention, not bc i want their followers to follow me in exchange for my followers following them. it’s just so…transactional and dehumanising? i don’t think followers should be treated like mere statistics and i prefer having genuine friendships.

5️⃣ don’t do the ‘follow for a followback and then unfollow’ thing and all of its variations, e.g. ‘follow and then unfollow if you don’t get a followback’, ‘leave a dozen comments hoping for a follow that you won’t reciprocate’, ‘leave a dozen comments hoping for a follow first bc u don’t want to follow without a guaranteed followback’, or the worst: ’calling people out for unfollowing you when you never followed them back because you’re obsessed with maintaining your golden ratio’. it’s unsavoury and off-putting and everyone can see right through it.

6️⃣ don’t post a coloured-out screenshot of your latest post on your story informing people of your new post and asking them to ‘check it out’ or ‘show it some love’ when we all know it means ‘pls like my latest post bc numbers matter to me’. maybe it works if you have a big account bc even if it’s only 0.5% of your viewers who will purposely tap on your profile and like your latest post, that 0.5% is a lot of people which translates to a lot more likes. but if you’re a small account it just looks like you’re imitating the big accounts and being thirsty for followers and likes. it’s not classy. to put it colloquially, damn despo lah don’t liddat can.