#i'm using this as motivation to get off my butt and write more for this AU it really is one of my faves

[x-i-l-verify]

An art commission from the very lovely and talented @pppuri illustrating two of the main characters from my Dream SMP vampire AU, which features copious amounts of worldbuilding, found family feels, slavery, hurt/comfort, dark SBI, and BBH Dormouse and Dream the Emerald being the most dynamic of unlikely duos.

[creaman]

—BECAUSE KUNG FU PANDA 4 KILLED MY GRANDMA, OKAY?

To preface, I watched this movie and I'm genuinely tweaking right now so I had to write down a very brief (lie) criticism on this film — which you should boycott, by the way.

Starting with the things I liked, before briefing my primary points of criticism:

Po's Character Regression

Po and Zhen's Dynamic

The Chameleon

I'd also yap about Lord Shen and the death of the art style and the entire narrative and pacing and use of the staff of wisdom but my therapist says being such a hater is 'unhealthy' or something. My heart is full of hatred.

SPOILERS for the entirety KFP4 for the 2 people who care.

KFP4 undermines and ignores the previous three movies — Unwriting character developments, outright removing the Furious Five, straying from the character design philosophies and is completely inconsistent with the established lore.

Things I Liked About Kung Fu Panda 4

The Chameleon's character design

Visual gag in the Tavern where Po uses a recently thrown axe as a hat rack (made me laugh)

When Mr. Ping did this:

so cute! the little heart!

Po — Character Writing

Po, as established in the previous movies, is confident in his abilities and identity — he’s learnt inner peace, he’s matured as a character. However, in KFP4, his character has completely regressed. He’s immature again (such as KFP1, possibly worse) and says verbatim, “only knows kicking butt and taking names” — UNLEARNING inner peace and insisting that “…being the Dragon Warrior is all I know.”

It’s childish, and sort of Hotel Transylvania-esque.

Which isn’t helped by the comedy, the dialogue — a large chunk of which are jokes in the style of:

Master Shifu says something philosophical

Po quips off of it / doesn’t get it (i.e. Whoa!! beat I don’t know what that means.)

Oh, it’s great, yeah, very tolerable. Po’s shenanigans are normally reeled in by the presence of the Furious Five who are generally more serious in nature, creating a much needed balance in the dynamic — So without them, it’s just Po becoming increasingly obnoxious and insufferable with every consecutive quip throughout the screenplay.

Po and Zhen — Character Dynamics

[No more graphics sorry I'm too angry]

As if it wasn’t obvious that Zhen was going to be the next Dragon Warrior the second she was introduced.

Zhen, as a character, has no depth besides being a quippy thief. She quips, she steals. This character has no motives — it can be assumed that the writers intended on a ‘change of heart’ thing, but she isn’t established as evil, her working for the Chameleon is written as a (albeit poor) twist reveal.

By which point, her taking either side wouldn’t make sense, given that she has shown no loyalty or attachment to either Po nor the Chameleon.

The movie artificially strengthens their bond by having Zhen start opening up about her backstory out of nowhere for no reason but they have done nothing to grow closer to each other.

Small tangent, her backstory is exactly what you’d expect it to be with no subversions or even emotional weight. Woe is me I was so small and hungry I had to steal to survive. Glossed over in about a minute.

The majority of the dialogue between Zhen and Po is spoken exposition — explaining how powerful and badass the Chameleon is, explaining how ‘we have to go here to do that’ and ‘this place was cool until the Chameleon did such and such’, and the rest of their time together is spent engaging in filler chase sequences and fight scenes.

The Chameleon

Where do I even start…

This is where it becomes apparent that the movie relies heavily on telling rather than showing —

She is the weakest villain by far, not only in universe but as a written character; which is particularly disheartening because I genuinely adore her character design and feel as though a shapeshifting character has great potential.

The movie artificially inflates her power by insisting through exposition that this is the most capable antagonist thus far (lie).

The audience is TOLD by Zhen and various restaurant patrons that the Chameleon is a powerful shapeshifting sorceress and that she 'dominates the city' whilst the film does nothing to showcase this.

'Dominating the city' meaning letting her henchpeople run amock and bully the civilians just like Lord Shen's wolves in KFP2... uninspired.

I just realised they didn't even give her a NAME what the FUCK is going on

She describes HERSELF as ruthless, clever and unsentimental when comparing Zhen to herself.

She says HERSELF that she’s “Stronger than every opponent you’ve ever faced.”

Let’s see what vile reprehensible things she’s done, shall we?

Gently push someone down some stairs

Her first appearance is through Zhen’s exposition, as opposed to the dramatic and memorable entrances of the previous villains. Her motives or character aren’t established until the final third of the film. She doesn’t even FIGHT anybody until the final third of the film; and even then, her fight sequences are uninspired and she never really poses a real threat. (She goes down in two hits.)

That being said, WE CAN STILL SAVE HER GUYS WE CAN STILL GET HER OUTTA THERE I'M COMING FOR YOU CHAMELEON I'M GONNA DRAFT YOU A PROPER BACKSTORY AND MOTIVE AND YOU'RE GONNA BE THE MOST THREATENING VILLAIN THUS FAR

There's a scene after the climax of the film where all the kung fu masters and previous villains from the spirit realm bow to Po. I'm not going to provide my thoughts on this because I fear I may burst a blood vessel. Good day!

Closing Statements

To put it simply, Kung Fu Panda 4 was my Megamind 2.

The film rejects its predecessors in every way. It really feels as though they brought in somebody with no prior knowledge of the franchise to direct the movie.

It's a film that relies heavily on telling rather than showing — banking on the previous three movies to carry it through the box office.

It's just really disheartening to see studio execs turn one of the best franchises into a safe sequel cash grab and regress every character's development.

Nevertheless. I do adore the chameleon's character design so I might do my own take on her character.

As far as I'm concerned, there is no fairy godmother, there is no tooth fairy, and there is no kung fu panda 4.

[ghostytoad]

hey!! if you’re taking requests, i’d like to request the rottmnt boys falling for a fem! reader who’s basically like your stereotypical raph. she loves fighting, loves working out, loud asf, short-tempered, blunt, sarcastic, cursed with resting bitch face, all that jazz. but, once you get to know her, she’s actually really funny and sweet. NEVER afraid to speak her mind, so she may come across as rude or sassy at times, but she never really means to be. DEFINITELY has mild adhd and is on the autism spectrum. 🫶

Hfhdks yippe, my v first request!! tbh the boys can use a little extra chaos in their life so this was really fun to write abt. hopefully it's decent, i'm still v new to writing this kinda stuff!!

* Kiss with a Fist *

ROTTMNT Boys x Fem! Raph-esque reader who is secretly a sweet softie

Summary: The Hamato brothers unexpectedly fall for an intimidating, snappy, but secretly sincere human.

Headcanons for: Raph, Donnie, Leo, & Mikey

Fem! Reader; Romantic; Fluff; Mild violence || Words: 4k

Feel free to send in more requests and prompts!!

Raph:

to be honest, raph was initially intimidated and wary of y/n when they first met

like sure, he's used to his brothers being a bit too curt and impulsive and april can come off as sassy and overbearing but none of that compares to the levels y/n is on

something about how forward she can be really puts the poor turtle on edge

until he starts getting to know her a little better, finding out more about her hobbies and all

after a period of initial surprise, he starts getting used to y/n's presence in the lair

she fits in almost naturally in their family dynamic; she's basically one of them now and he loves having someone around who shares his interests

plus he could always use a workout buddy; not that his brothers aren't good spotters but he could always use a break from their antics

will take y/n to every wrestling event & spend the entire time gushing about his newest wrestling idol and when they're not out and about beating up bad guys or playing video games, he will allow y/n to sit in and spot him while he powers through his rigorous workouts

he enjoys being able to swap workout tips and tricks with y/n; treats every little bit of advice she gives as divine wisdom & he will take it all to heart

he likes to brag to his brothers about how strong y/n is, especially considering that she can keep up with his mutant abilities; everything she does impresses him to no end

opened a jar of pickles without help? amazing

landed on her feet after a pretty high tumbling jump? absolutely incredible

being able to handle his occasional hugs? literally the best thing in the world to him

having y/n around motivates raph to train harder and push himself past his limits

unfortunately, this has led to a few injuries-

"uh oh. y/n ain't gonna be happy to hear about this..."

cue the scolding, the lectures, and the bedrest. y/n's orders. but raph secretly enjoys being doted on by y/n so he won't say no

it didn't take raph too long to realize his feelings for y/n

he'd been picking up on little hints here and there, but he'd talk himself out of that silly train of thought every single time

like when he'd catch her watching him train and could feel that rush of heat burn at his cheeks

'i've just been training too hard and it's way too hot in here'

and when he couldn't get y/n off his mind when she wasn't around?

'i'm just worried about her is all. who knows what kinda trouble her loud mouth might get her in-'

but it was when y/n was comforting raph after a bust mission one particular night that really did him in and confirmed his feelings

It's bad enough when the brothers fail in their latest mission, but to get their butts handed to them by Hypno of all villains? Eesh, talk about major humiliation stink. The loss had them all silently slinking back into their lair, hoping to sleep off the defeat at the hands of their unimpressive foe. Raph was just about to make his way into his room to mop when he spotted Y/N waiting up for them in the lair's living room. It was upon seeing her sitting there with an unreadable, stern expression that a realization hit him. They had plans later.

"Hey, sorry, YN. No Brunch 'n Punch tonight. Raph's a lil' tired..." his low and gruff voice did little to hide the timid air in his tone. "I-I'll make it up to ya though! Promise!"

Despite his stuttered attempt to console Y/N and her anticipated disappointment, his tired expression and wilted posture gave away just how exhausted and downtrodden the towering mutant was. It was more than enough to tell Y/N a few things:

Raph had another rough day.

Raph once again pushed himself and got hurt.

And Raph needed someone to help carry that weight.

Before he could continue his defeated shuffle past Y/N, he felt a sudden tug on the lip of his rugged shell. Not even a second after, he felt his torso being enveloped by the subtle warmth of what could only be a person. Was Y/N hugging him...? Looking down from his stunned silence, he found Y/N with her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, face hidden by the jutting ridges of his plastron. Unable to find the words to break the tense silence surrounding them, Raph simply lets out a low chuckle as his hand gently caresses the back of Y/N's head.

"If this is about me bailing on our plans, Raph gets it. You probably hate m-"

"What am I gonna do with you, Raph...? What am I going to do if you won't take care of yourself..." Y/N's voice was unusually small.

"Say what?" The mutant didn't know what to make of the wavering tone in Y/N's voice. Was she mad? Was she worried? It was unlike Y/N to be this... vulnerable.

After a few more moments of silence, Raphael broke out of his confusion with a realization. Y/N was still holding him. The exhaustion and shame began lifting its shrouding curse off of him as his body eased into the comforting embrace. So warm. So gentle. So caring. Everything about Y/N was perfect, even the parts of her personality that she chose to share only with him. It was then that another, more pressing realization came to his mind.

Damn, does this boy got it bad. He's in love.

Donnie

he's entirely put off by y/n's whole demeanor and keeps his distance at first; like raph on his own can be a headache to deal with, but now there's two of them??

he won't outright avoid her, he just prefers quieter company

he can't exactly say they share many similar interests, but y/n's newfound spot as a member of his little family gives him incentive to at least try finding some common ground to bond over

so when it comes to the more physical and brawn-heavy aspect of his work, he can truly appreciate y/n's constant presence

god knows he can't trust his brothers to be careful or attentive enough to help him in the lab and april isn't always around to enthusiastically offer her assisstance when needed... but y/n just happens to be the perfect solution to his otherwise frustrating problem

dare he say it: "she's reliable and more importantly always happy to lend a hand"

and donnie really values the way y/n is willing to listen to him drone on about his latest projects and mapping out his complex thought process; all with very little complaint (a huge plus for him!)

in fact, she even seems eager to learn and is quick to pick up on the nuances of his work. he can also understand/empathize with y/n's misunderstood demeanor when it comes to her stone faced expression ('or resting bitch face, as she so eloquently put it')

donnie's never been good at expressing himself; he knows how vexing it can be when everyone seems intent on misreading one's emotions based on something as fickle as facial expression

and the more time donnie spends with y/n, the more he's able to observe her and her subtle mannerisms

it's gotten to the point where he can pick up on her subtle cues and accurately read her mood better than anyone else. to his brothers, it's as if y/n and donnie share a telepathic connection with how easily they can communicate with a simple glance

it doesn't take long for him to get used to y/n's more rambunctious and wild behaviors; when he's not busy working, he will sometimes invite her on their less eventful missions and adventures

he won't say it out loud, but he's really come to respect y/n's combat prowess and her ability to hold her own

admires it even... one might even say he lov-

'nope. no. nein. not the l-word...'

donnie's always quick to catch himself before he can finish off that thought but he can't help himself; cute and mean are just his type after all

whether or not he chooses to pursue those feelings though....

well, let's just say y/n really didn't leave him a choice after she practically saved his life during one fairly unexpected encounter

It hadn't been a hard mission. The Hamato brothers had successfully thwarted another run-of-the-mill robbery at the appropriately named Run of the Mill Pizzeria. Relishing in their triumph, the four turtles, joined by their newest companion Y/N, decided to make a night of it and order a few celebratory 'zzas. It was as Donnie was making his way to the booth that he was halted by the stumbling grip of an iebriated yokai yanking him back by his shoulder. The patron's swaying form crumpled forward as they tried supporting their full weight on the hand that was still firmly locked on Donnie's shoulder.

"'Ey you.... I know you..." the strong stench of alcohol burned at the turtle's nostrils as he furrowed his brow in confusion, "Yer the guy from that brawl last night. Ya dropped my drink!"

Ah. Mistaken identity. Before Donnie could correct them, the yokai straightened in a menacing stance, lifting their hand's grip from him and balling into a fist.

"You... YOU! You owe me a new drink AND a new shirt! Ya ruined MY GOOD SHIRT!"

Ever the smug one, Donnie simply shook his head and with condescension dripped from his lazy grin.

"Perhaps laying off on the booze might help to improve your memory. You're clearly looking for a fight and I'm not one to hold back in battle." With a wave of his hand, he feigned a dramatic sigh, "But I'd reconsider what would be one too many bar fights. I mean, you've obviously done your brain enough damage."

What followed was the unmistakable and resounding thud of a body hitting the restaurant walls. The remaining brothers watched amusedly from their booth as the purple-coded brother peeled from the newly dented wall and collapsed onto the floor, dumbfounded and only mildly in pain.

"He'll be fine~" Leo mused as he caught sight of Y/N's horrified expression.

"He was kinda askin' for it..." Raph shrugged, unwilling to stop Y/N who was now stomping a warpath from the booth to the drunken offender.

"HEY, ASSHOLE!" were the only words uttered before Y/N's flurry of furious punches unleashed themselves onto the yokai's face. Donnie watched fondly as Y/N's strike after strike seemed to reduce the belligerent patron to a pathetic and unintelligable mess on the floor.

Something about her pose, the way her bruised fists were held up in triumphant victory as she loomed over the monster's unconscious form, seemed to pull at the deepest, darkest parts of the turtle's heart. Was she always this badass and cool? Was it the lighting? Was it the concussion setting in? Has she always looked this cute?

"Wow... You're incredible....." Donnie muttered under his breath with awe.

So much for science being his only love.

Leo:

honestly? the more chaos, the better

raph is great and all, but he always had the annoying tendency to boss everyone around, and his ever-growing worry chasm was really starting to irk leo

so it's great to have someone around that isn't always on his case about his stunts or lecture him on dull things like responsibility and duty and all

while he does take into account the fact that Y/N is a human, she's a special human with special priviliges in his mind; meaning open invites to every mission (no matter how dangerous) and her own front row seat to every single convoluted plan leo's made

he's always there to actively enable her loud habits, he just lives for the banter and drama; he calls it his very own telenovela

obviously he'd never let her get too far into it and when things start getting a little too real, he will try getting y/n to tone down the snark and deescalate the situation

can't have his new bestie getting herself into trouble after all! and he'd never hear the end of it from his brothers if she ever got hurt bc of his encouragement

as boring as he finds training to be, having y/n around really helps to spice things up. he's always calling dibs on having her for sparring partner duties and won't hold back much

on the rare occasion that he's not getting into trouble and causing mischief with y/n, he'll show her around all the best stargazing spots new york has to offer (via portal ofc)

no reason in particular, it's just nice getting to see the stars past the haze of the city's light pollution and it seems like something friends do

'it's totally normal for friends to stargaze alone together, right?'

yeah, no he's sure of it. he just really happens to enjoy y/n's company without the constant interruption of his brothers' teasing

it's not like he's asked her to go with him on a magic carpet ride or anything

oh wait...

right, there was that one time when they decided to stop by the mystic city antiques shop and try out the dubiously named "magic carpet" the shop was selling. how was he supposed to know it was a flying magic carpet?? magic could literally mean anything!

he didn't complain when y/n would hold onto him as they weaved through the skies of the hidden city. and it was cute watching her face scrunch up with laughter every time he made a joke

but that's just friends being friends, right??

'this better not be what being wrong feels like because it's not a great feeling at all'

"Alright, Leo. This'd better be good for you to be calling me up at 3 in the morning." April's voice hissed through the call, still rough with sleep and irritation as Leo had called her up on a school night of all times.

Leo gripped tightly at the phone as if it were his only line of defense from the terrible, terrible ordeal he was about to confide. "Apes, you gotta help me! I think I might be losing my edge or something."

"Your... what?"

"My edge!" Leo reiterated, panic set in his tone, "My mojo! The Leo-factor! I think I might be losing it and I don't know how to get it back!"

A few moments of soft shuffling sounding from the phone's receiver met Leo's frantic explanation. April must've been slowly forcing herself to sit up from where she'd been sleeping peacefully only minutes ago.

"... don't 've time for this..." was all that could be deciphered between shuffles.

The disgruntled girl could only sigh, "Okay. Leo. What makes you think you've 'lost your mojo'?"

Leo paused in thought, humming low as he tried to recall his recent mojo-related blunders.

"Okay, okay, so! You know how Y/N's been hanging around the lair a lot more lately? It's like every time she's there, I get thrown off my game. And I mean, I really get thrown off! With everything!"

"Mhm?" April deadpanned.

"None of my one-liners seem to land with her and it's because I keep forgetting how to talk mid-sentence! So I end up sounding like some stuttering moron! And I keep running into things and tripping over my own feet when I see her like I'm the clumsiest chump alive. And just the other night I was out testing the sickest tricks on Mikey's new board- don't let him know that by the way- when she shows up outta nowhere with her smug little smile and throws me off my moves! I mean, all I see is her eyes on me and the next thing I know, I've got a mouthful of gravel and concrete. It's like she's sapping all the cool out of me and I need it to stop like yesterday!" Leo had to take a moment to catch his breath as he explained his troubling situation, clearly unaware of just how clueless he was. April could only wait silently for the information to sink in, a sleepy scowl painted on her face. God, she could just strangle the boy if he were here.

"So you're telling me that you called me up in the middle of the night to tell me that you have a crush?" she hissed once again, the gritting of her teeth audible.

"A what? Crush? Oho, no no no no." the mutant scoffed in disbelief, "I'm telling you that Y/N could be a witch or some kind of energy vampire or something and we-"

"Leo, let me ask you something. What's more likely: The fact that Y/N is a mojo-sucking vampire witch or the fact that you may have some feelings for her?"

The thought hadn't really occured to him before. Could it really be something as simple as a crush that's doing him in? He had been feeling a little different as of late... But he just assumed it was all from the mutant witch powers Y/N might've been using on him. He took a few moments to contemplate, a dark blush gradually forming across his face the more he thought of Y/N.

Well, what's not to like about her? She's a certified badass, she's cool, she's never afraid to give it to ya straight. And underneath that tough exterior was an equally cool but much softer version that balanced out Leo's more impulsive and emotional side. Could it really be that Leo had feelings for Y/N?

".... Do you think Donnie can run a few tests to find out what kind of witch she is?"

"I'm hanging up now, Leo."

"NO, WAIT, I-" Dial tone.

Crush it is then. Man, did he hate being wrong.

Mikey:

ever the eternal optimist, mikey is never one to judge people and gives them every benefit of the doubt until he's forced to believe otherwise

so when he first meets y/n, he takes to her standoffish nature like bees on honey

instant besties right off the bat, even if they have their differences

he's quick to introduce y/n to everything mutant turtle life has to offer, whether it be inviting her over for a few rides on the half-pipe or introducing her to the cinematic magic that is jupiter jim and its many sequels

no matter what they do, he's always there to make sure she's having fun

mikey picks up on y/n's kinder side pretty quickly too

being emotionally intuitive and a self-proclaimed therapist, he is able to see through y/n's more abrasive personality and finds her gentler side to be just as exciting and fun, if not incredibly endearing

he'll even encourage her to be more open with that part of herself by insisting she join him in his little Dr. Feelings sessions he regularly holds for his brothers (totally not against their will)

during the whole session, he'll check in on y/n and ask if she has any thoughts on the matter

"what about you, y/n? you've been around us long enough to get a say. am i right or am i totally right?"

he knows he can trust her more blunt and forward nature to lay it down as it is

but he can also trust that she won't say anything to hurt them just for the sake of it

so she's a perfect fit for the role of Nurse Candid/Assisstant Tough Love

funny thing is, Dr. Feelings can't really talk mikey out of making a fool of himself in front of y/n

he tries not to be too clingy or push too many boundaries, but how can he resist?

she's like the highlight of his little adventures and he genuinely enjoys having her around all the time that he just *needs* to understand every part of what makes y/n her

together, they'd make the ultimate power couple!

er... power couple business-wise

purely professional in this unofficial practice

'unless.....'

time for the Love Doctor to pay mikey a little visit

"Candles? Check. Fancy silverware? Check. A deliciously decadent three course meal prepared by your truly? Check." Mikey took a moment to look over his fine work as he finished setting up a "platonic-but-can-be-romantic" dinner for Y/N. He'd been hard at work all week trying to come up with the perfect excuse to invite Y/N to the lair alone. It wasn't a date or anything! Well really, that was the trouble with this whole thing. It had to strike the right balance of friendly and intimate. With a hint of romance drizzled in. And a sprinkle of platonic fun. Gah, what a confusing mix.

Sighing thoughtfully, the young turtle set down the two artistically prepared culinary plates on the now satin-draped dining table that sat in the center of the projection room. Sure, it might've been a bit cliche but the quiet ambiance of the room was the best choice for a romantic candlelit dinner. Plus if the whole romance angle didn't pan out the way Mikey had hoped, a movie marathon would surely break the tension and shift gears into friendly hangout mode. Everything about this night had been planned to a T, down to the fact that his brothers were busy on another patrol that was sure to take all night.

The orange-clad mutant gave the setup another quick once over and, satisfied with his creation, glanced up at the clock that sat above the projector screen.

"7:18 and I still got a few precious moments to spare!"

"Spare for what?" a muffled voice asked from the door.

Oh no. What were they doing here?!

"Hey hey, little brother~ Nice setup you got goin' here. Very élégante~" Leo teased with his mouth full of pizza.

"L-LEO?! I THOUGHT YOU GUYS SAID YOU WERE GONNA BE OUT UNTIL MORNING!"

"Uh, yeah? The patrol was supposed to keep us 'til morning." Leo shrugged nonchalantly as he licked pizza sauce from his fingers,"But as it turns out, Donnie isn't the math wizard he seems to think he is."

"SCOFF! My mathematical genius is not to be held accountable for YOUR poor planning!" From behind Leo, Donnie stormed in with an incredulous look as pizza sauce drenched his face and upper body.

"Look, if anything, MY PLAN did not call for explosives. That was all you, buddy!" The twin retorted, poking at Donnie's sauce-covered chest with his trusty odachi. Mikey could feel his right eye twitching as he watched the two bicker and consequently ruin his plans.

He seethed through gritted teeth, "You guys were supposed to be gone..."

The strained response brought the two brothers' attention back to their youngest sibling, both raising a brow in question.

"Oh yeah, what IS with this setup?" Leo's cocky smirk did little to hide the teasing behind his question. Did he know?

"Oi, guys! We still gotta clea-" Raph stumbled in, wiping his body down with a red soaked towel as he was presumably the most sauced up of the three. "Woah. Whatcha got going on in here, Mikey?"

Great. Just what he needed. As he did his best to keep his composure, all Michael could do was groan and slump down to his knees, withering with embarrassment before his brothers. "If you guys MUST KNOW, I had a very special night planned for me! I was gonna have a nice dinner with Y/N before you came back and messed with m-"

"Woah woah woah, are you telling me that my baby hermano has a date tonight?"

The heat suddenly rushed to Mikey's cheeks, taunting him and exposing his true motives to his brothers of all people. Raph and Leo compounded that humiliation with their slew of 'aww's and coos. Donnie simply gave his little brother an approving nod and thumbs up as the duo's teasing continued.

"I-It's not what it looks like, I swear!"

Oh, it absolutely was.

"It's not that I like her, I just-"

Want her to be mine.

"I just needed to figure out how I feel!"

But he already knew. He was hopelessly in love.

[elialys]

Channeling positive energy for 2024

I have been very listless for at least the last couple of years (if not since 2020 and the whole pandemic mess), resulting in a pretty rough depressive episode that peaked this last November. It's hard to feel motivated to do anything concrete to improve your own life when everything around you is just...bleak. And this world does suck so much, so often, in so many ways.

But then I remember how I innately believe that most people are good, and that I am good, too, and that the one thing that always makes me feel better when I'm low is to do something helpful for someone, or to just be kind if I don't have the spoons for more.

(Putting this big ramble under read more)

I think I've mentioned it here before but I've made the decision to try and get into a new field of work, which involves at least two if not three years of studying. Let me tell you, I'm about to turn 36 in a couple of weeks. It's scary as fuck to do something like this. But this job, if I get into the school I need to get into, will be perfect for me. I'll be helping people who need guidance and compassion basically every day.

The bond I got to build with my students was my absolutely favorite part of teaching, but I got overwhelmed by everything else. I burned myself out in less than four years because I became a workaholic who worked 70 hours a week, never took a breath, tried tried tried, yet never felt like I was doing enough. The pressure was incredible, the 'I have to be around hundreds of people every single day', performing in front of entire classrooms full of kids 6h a day'...it just wore me down. Loved my kiddos to death, loved my science team so much, but then the pandemic hit and I lost a few family members within a few months, and I realized it was time for me to go home after 12 years abroad.

The meanest part of my brain likes to tell me I've spent the last four years being basically a useless human blob, but realistically, I know I wasn't. I had been working my ass off since 2011, when I was in America nannying two young kids all day long then going to school full time at night/weekends, before being hired as a teacher in England for 4 years.

I needed the break, I needed time with my loved ones. I needed to help grieving family members, especially my little sister with ASD, who had to learn to navigate life without her mom, who also developed epilepsy on top of everything else while our father pretended nothing was happening. I needed to spend time with my grandmother, who did so much for me when I was young and who's all alone, now. I'll even go as far as saying I've been working on fixing things with my mother this past year living with her, which was not an easy thing. Still isn't, but it's so much better than it used to be, and she's trying, too.

But I'm ready to get my life "back on track", or at least, to get busier , more proactive, more helpful to others who aren't in my inner circle, because I know that's what I'm good at, and why I'm here.

So, yeah, channeling positive thoughts for 2024. I'm not only going to work on getting into that school in the next few weeks, I also just received an email a couple days ago from an editor I used to work with. She's a writing director somewhere else now, and they need writers for a new webcomic project; she told me she immediately thought of me because they'd always been happy with my work, so I'm going to test for that, too, because why the hell not. Actually getting paid for the stuff I was writing a couple of years ago was the most surreal, rewarding experience of my writer life, and I wouldn't mind that happening again.

I want to give the biggest shoutout to my best friend & other butt cheek, @melusine0811, for helping me navigate those last four years, for always believing in me, and for being so fucking courageous when life is just so damn hard. Lauren, you're the bravest person I know, and forever my Donna Noble.

And because I'm sappy this weekend, awards and all, I'm also sending my thanks to my Australian unicorn, just for existing somewhere out there, for being a role model to me from afar these last thirteen years, for being another perfect example of people persevering no matter what, doing the things they love, while always trying to be kind to others in the process. I don't believe in much, but I believe in karma. You do good deeds, good things will happen to you.

Be kind to each other, my lovelies. Always be kind.

[look-how-they-massacred-them]

Preliminary Poll

Richard "Dick" Simmons

Submission reason:

I apologize in advance for the amount of autism youre gonna have to read. Red team, the team that Simmons is on, has been the comedic butt of every joke for *years,* while blue team carries most of the plot. In recent seasons, individual members of red team have been given their own development. I won't get into detail about it, but almost every member of red team was given their own lore, motives, character growth, etc. Everyone except Simmons. Every opportunity to give Simmons his own individual depth as a character that didn't ALSO INVOLVE GRIF had been used as a joke. During an episode covering worst fears, Grif faces his own trauma from boot camp training, while his sister watches their childhood home burn down (I'm pretty sure, anyways. Its been a while since ive seen the season and you'd have to pay me to watch it again). When they get to Simmons' worst fear, it's used as a throwaway joke about penises (this part i am sure about. I remember being so mad i had to pause the video and sit there for a second). The writer of those seasons one time shared snippets of script that was cut from final production that supposedly featured an arc where simmons is tortured for information, but then after being asked about it, the same writer revealed that the ""torture"" was actually gonna be a joke about him getting his nails filed. With the series stuck in perpetual limbo due to Rooster Teeth's inability to write RvB well AND their constant scandals (unsurprising, honestly), Simmons has been stuck a boring, depthless character for the last 5 or so years, give or take.

Propaganda:

The writing in the newer seasons has been so tremendously bad that there existed a trend for a good year where the RvB fanbase made memes reacting to fake situations that they WISHED happened instead of what actually happened in the new seasons. I have read fanfiction of potential Simmons backstories since I was 11 (for reference, I'll be 20 in a few days) that are better written than actual official writing for Simmons. Simmons has referenced an abusive home life on more than one occassion (again, mostly used for jokes, but this dates back to the early seasons where everything is a joke for red team) that could easily be used as a backstory for him, but has since been ignored. Which is strange, because Grif's exact same joke comments about a tough home life in the early seasons WERE utilized to further his backstory in the new seasons. Another extremely often under-utilized fact about simmons is that he's a CYBORG he has CYBORG BODY PARTS and they are NEVER REFERENCED. NEVER UTILIZED. I HAVE MET PEOPLE THAT FORGOT HE WAS EVEN A CYBORG AND ASKED ME WHY I WAS DRAWING HIM LIKE THAT IN MY VIDEOS. Also, I don't really like throwing around the word queer-baiting, especially when it comes to fandom spaces, so this is more like... queer-teasing??? But Rooster Teeth loves playing along with their fanbase with Grif and Simmons potentially being a couple (social media posts putting them into couples posts, using them for valentines cards, having the characters use the ship name to address themselves in spin-off non-canon episodes), but then tiptoe around the idea of actually making them a couple in any of their canon media. Like it's not slowburn at this point it's been 20 years and we've gotten vague jokes about fucking in a broom closet and beating someone up for asking them to kiss. Im so tired of the will-they-wont-they i dont even want them canon anymore i just want to know if theyre actually gonna do it or not for the love of god. Tldr rvb writers love using simmons as the ""haha nerd thinks hes smart but hes actually stupid and embarrassing"" trope and keep only writing him like that despite every other character around him getting developed, and with the series in limbo he's now stuck like that. Free my boy, Rooster Teeth. Let me write him I promise I'll do a good job.

[deq22rawf]

Flowers for the Moon

Diluc ⎯ The Dark Side of Dawn

synopsis ⎯ after weeks of waiting for him to come back after a mission, you finally grow impatient as you try to find him, not knowing that he cheated on you for someone else.

warnings : cheating, reader catching him cheat (even though he wouldn't), crying???, sobbing and slight cursing. also not proofread.

authors note : woohoo! i finally had the motivation of writing (also this was a fucking re-write of the previous diluc story hehe. also how to word count)

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It was a stormy evening at Dawn Winery, the rain was pouring as little taps by the window were cause by the rain. It was cold, so cold. You wished you had Diluc with to cuddle with you during this stormy night, actually when was he going to come back? You can't wait to suprise him when he came back!

Your lights was still on, writing a poem you would read out loud once he came back, I'm sure he'll love this poem! You said to yourself, you were such a naive person back then, falling in love so easily which caught the attention of your now husband, Diluc.

Your mind was starting to wander as you suddenly snap back to reality, what time was it? 10pm? 11pm? 12am? You didn't know, your eyelids were feeling heavier than ever as you dropped the pain, ready to go to sleep.

You plopped yourself down onto the bedsheets, clutching tightly at the pillows imagining it was Diluc. You soon fell asleep as you dreamt of Diluc finally hugging you after weeks.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The sunlight brushing your face ever so slightly as you were still clutching the pillow. You woke to the sound of the doors of the mansion opening, was Diluc finally home?! Were you finally going to have dinner with him again? Breakfast and lunch?! You stood up with excitement, running down to the stairs like a kid excited to open their presents.

Your reality was crushed to see that it was just Kaeya, smiling and waving back at you as your messy hair was covering your face. You let out a slight smile as you walked up the stairs once more, ready to get dressed for work.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

"Are you alright Y/N? You seemed to be a little... Lonely hm? Do you need my company?"

"Ahaha, no Kaeya, I'm just fine on my own, I'm not THAT lonely you know!"

You gave him a playful push as you grin at him, he was right you know, you were a little lonely since Diluc still wasn't back yet, I mean he did tell you he was going to be gone for a couple of weeks.

Your train of thought was immediately cut off as you hit a pole, making your fall on your butt.

"Fuck! That hurt!"

Kaeya chuckled. "You do have a tendency to be clumsy, make sure to be aware next time, okay? I don't want to see you have a bruise on your forehead."

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah yeah, I know, I'm not a little kid Kaeya."

"I'm just saying." Kaeya pulled you up.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The town was quieter than usual, the people were whispering and looking at you and Kaeya, they didn't really think you were cheating on him.. Right?

"Don't listen to them Y/N." His eyes peeled on the road, keeping his smug face.

"But, how can I not? They're whispering about us."

"I'm sure it's not us, maybe someone else? Like my brother?" He gave a slight hum as he kept walkong with you.

Finally, you reached the doors of the 'Knights of Favonius' where your husband keep saying that they're always so inefficient. You quite missed him berating them infront of you.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

"There. Is. So. Much. Paperwork."

You muttered to yourself, your hair disheveled as you kept writing down report on who is the infamous Abyss Order's 'prince.' Luckily there was Jean on your side who kept you sane through the whole day, usually giving you coffee or snacks.

Finally, the day has ended as you waved your goodbyes to Jean, Lisa and Klee. Walking down the cobblestone road with Kaeya as he hummed.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

"Hey Kaeya."

He stopped humming as he gave you a questioning gaze.

"What is it, Y/N?"

"When will Diluc finally come home?"

He pretends to think about it for a moment, his hands brushing over his chin.

"In three days or so, it's just a guess."

"I hope so."

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The cold night of Monstadt always gave you comfort, the moonlight illuminating the city as a gust of wind headed both your way. Slight crickets could be heard amongst the trees as you were picking flowers.

The cool breeze was running through you hair as Kaeya was quiet while walking towards the large mansion.

"I guess this is my stop, Kaeya. I'll see you tomorrow, I guess."

"I bid you farewell, Y/N. Goodnight." His form was walking away from the mansion, the slight jingle of his boots were slowly fading away.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

You opened the mansion doors as all the maids were asleep, was it already 10 o' clock? Nevermind, it's time for you to sleep. You changed into your pajamas as you went in and hopped into your bed, falling asleep immediately after a long day of working.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

9:30 am

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

It was Saturday, a day where you could do anything. Sadly nothing interesting happened, just Jean strolling around Monstadt with Klee as she almost blowed up Katheryn's booth, Kaeya sitting on a bench reading something. Lisa was nowhere to be found surprisingly and Diluc was still on that mission.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Sunday.

It was Sunday.

You were growing fucking impatient, just where was he you thought to yourself, its been 3 weeks since you last saw him. So finally, you decided to put matters in your own hands as you checked all of the most common spots where you could find him, you asked Katheryn where he was and she didn't know either.

Just where the hell was he?!

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Every day, you were growing impatient more and more and more. You missed him so much, you missed the way he smiled, you missed the ways he cuddled with you, gave you kisses, whisper sweet nothings into your ears, massaging your back. You had missed Diluc, every day was tearing you apart more and more until you finally asked a person that could had gave you a lead.

He was last seen in Springvale, talking to a person and he immediately ran off.

So you promised yourself, you promised yourself to go to Springvale tommorow.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Thursday, 12:44 PM.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

You were strolling around Monstadt once more with Kaeya as you suddenly asked him a question.

"Hey um, Kaeya."

"Hm? Is there anything you need Y/N?"

"Is it possible you could accompany me to.. Springvale today?" You looked at him.

"Hmm.. Let me think... Of course, I'm free today anyway."

Your eyes lit up with excitement. "Really?! Come on let's go!"

"Alright, alright. Let's go." He chuckled.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

As you were walking to Springvale, you suddenly got an uneasy feeling from your gut, like there was something bad that was going to happen, you ignored the feeling and kept walking.

Finally, you arrived to Springvale, you never been hear for a long while. The wind brushing through your hair as the people were chatting away happily, some kids playing and some people strolling around.

Suddenly you noticed a familiar red haired person walking towards an alleyway with a person, it looked like another.. Woman.

"Hey.. Kaeya, can you stay here for a moment."

"Of course, I'll wait for you. It's not like I'm going to disappear like my brother." He laughed.

"You're such a tease, Kaeya." You rolled your eyes playfully.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Your heart was racing faster than ever as you approached the alleyway, not knowing about what's going to happen. When suddenly, a shocking reality hit you.

"She'll never know, Donna."

"Hmm~ Are you sure, Master Diluc? I feel like she's just here, staring at us." She said, kissing his cheek lovingly.

He kissed her back. "She'll never know, alright?" His hands were by her waist as they were both having a full make-out session. You couldn't believe your eyes as hot tears spilled down your face.

You couldn't look back as you ran away from the scene, back to Kaeya.

You hugged him tightly and cried into his chest, his confused deamenor looking down at you.

"Are you... Alright Y/N?"

"N-No! I'm not fucking okay Kaeya! H-He's fucking cheating on me with someone else!" Your tears was staining his clothes, he was starting to hug you tightly, wrapping his arms around your back.

"I w-want.. To.. Leave Kaeya.. I don't want to come back.."

"Let's go.. Then... We'll talk in the morning, alright? You can stay by my house if you want to." He kissed your forehead as he played with your hair, hugging you tightly.

"Please let's just go!" You begged and pleaded with him, your tears couldn't stop, his hands were wrapped around your fingers delicately.

"Whatever you say, Y/N." As he held your hand while walking, not noticing Diluc was staring right at you with regret, shame and digust. How could he be so.. Obvious? Shameless? How could he cheat on someone that only wanted to love him back. He knows he can't repair this relationship, soon enough your heart will belong to someone else.

Someone else that isn't him.

authors note 2 ⎯ I AM SO SORRY IF THIS IS SHIT LMAO, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME WRITING THIS MUCH (also my hands hurt)

[fonulyn]

what sort if things do you want to talk abt with people/what would make you feel better?

I mean, in an actual utopia? :'D I'd love it if people were excited for what I'm working on. if they'd ask about the fics in progress, kick my butt when I can't get shit done, and push me into doing more. maybe even give feedback already during the process! i know it's too much to ask for, especially when so rarely even finished fics get excitement or feedback, but it's what a Dream World would look like lol.

ideally I'd love it if I had some friends who I could actually brainstorm with and talk about the stuff I'm stuck on or trying to otherwise flesh out. my dog does listen but rarely has any suggestions I can take :'D I know I got spoiled because earlier (like …two years ago lol) I had someone who was always excited to talk about the ideas and brainstorm with me, and who kicked my ass into gear if I was dragging my feet, and I got used to it and now that i'm supposed to just figure everything out alone I have zero motivation to actually do it. the kind of instant feedback I got then was the best motivator ever. now? eh.

and I'd love it if my feeble attempts at trying to talk about wips wasn't just brushed off. if i post on tumblr about something it's most of the time ignored. i've tried to talk to multiple people, and in return i get either the "you'll figure it out eventually" or a complete topic change immediately. no follow-up questions, no excitement, no nothing.

and I'd love it if people didn't go "oh I can help brainstorm that!" and then not even bother to read it. go "I'm gonna comment on that soon!" and never do it. empty promises do nothing but get hopes up and end up in crushing disappointment.

I know people are busy, people have their lives and shit happens but like. it's easy to not make promises you can't (or have no intention to) keep, imo.

and idk in the Olden Days I had multiple people to chat general fandom with, and it in turn sparked fic ideas, and excitement, but now that doesn't really exist either.

just to be clear I'm not expecting anyone to be at my beck and call 24/7 all the time :'D god no :'D but it's so friggin' disheartening when I get a new idea, am all excited about it, and then deflate when I know I don't really have anyone to hype me up about it. so then i won't do it. or then i write like two sentences a day maximum and never get shit done. and every damn day i'm getting closer to just quitting for good. i really really don't wanna abandon my to-write-list and leave shit unfinished but it's starting to look like the only viable option left.

idek. I'm tired. i know it's just a pipe dream and i'll just keep struggling until i fade away from fandom and no one notices lol but yeah.

(it is really nice to just chat about anything with people too, tho, so a shoutout to those who did reach out and who i've been occasionally chatting with :3 it is appreciated!)

[mlobsters]

supernatural s10e1 black (w. jeremy carver)

this show started airing when i was 25 and i wonder how i would have received it then. anyway, was appreciating that i don't have to wait to find out what the demon!dean fallout will be. ...actually i don't think i'm up for this today. tbc

the sam that dean was expecting while he was in purgatory

so is this a padalecki injury or a sam injury? he (jared) seems pretty accident prone. i'm in a rather dismal mood, might need to push this off to day 3.

all right we're back, third time's a charm! with a worse-than-usual migraine. i think that's part of why i was feeling so irritable and shitty yesterday evening. prodromal situation

.asp made me giggle. first job doing web development stuff, i did asp back in 2000/2001.

Active Server Pages (ASP) is Microsoft's first server-side scripting language and engine for dynamic web pages. It was first released in December 1996, before being superseded in January 2002 by ASP.NET.

okay, drama

CASTIEL I can help. SAM Cas...we tried that. CASTIEL Sam...you can't blame what that demon did to your shoulder on me; you were out of... SAM I'm not, I'm not blaming anything on you. What happened, happened, and...you need to be worrying about yourself. I really shouldn't have bothered you.

cas has got the heavenly tuberculosis now too. if tumblr's search wasn't broken i'd link to my post where i think i called the... trials that? maybe

SAM Good. I'm alright. I'm just...tired, you know. Be better when we get him back...after...after I kick his butt. CASTIEL I miss him.

this is where you say "me too", sam. also

CASTIEL Well then, who wrote the note? If there's any chance...any chance at all that Dean is still... SAM Still...even remotely Dean?

and then he just hangs up? i laughed. were you raised in a barn, sam??? (i mean.) say goodbye :p

oh no. nonono. i cannot deal with dean singing badly. i really dislike this tonal whiplash that seems more common in these later seasons. big serious feelings then straight into ha ha bad singing, witty banter with the lady and crowley, extremely cheesy western standoff music and acting over foosball.

is this what crowley wants to do with dean? replace sam? definitely isn't going to be beating the simp charges if that is actually the case. please be slightly more complicated in motivation, crowley, i know you have it in you

is demon!dean's voice even lower?

she reminds me of a mix between samantha smith (mary winchester) and katie cassidy (og ruby, my fave). maybe this is the same problem i have with blond guys. all occupy the same spot in the brain

funny how parting his hair makes him look so different. it's a good look on him with it ruffled up

sam of course has a new haircut, not my favorite. kind of a weird bob in the back

i know they're committed to the classic car bit, but that yacht cas is driving must get like 5mpg. lol this site where you can report actual usage, only 2 people with similar models - one person getting around 8mpg, other 10

laughed out loud. handy they put the little hashtag viva abaddon on their message to have sam conveniently stumble upon

CROWLEY Moose. Took you long enough. Your brother and I were beginning to wonder if you'd hit another dog. You know?

ooh burn

SAM I don't know how you did this, what kind of... Black-magic stunt you pulled, but hear me --I will save my brother or die trying. CROWLEY You know what tickles me about all this? It's what's really eating you up. You don't care that he's a demon. Heck, you've been a demon. We've all been demons. No, it's that he's with me and he's having the time of his life. You can't stand the fact that he's mine.

um, ok

SAM He's not your pet. CROWLEY My pet? He's my best friend, my partner in crime. They'll write songs about us, graphic novels. “The Misadventures of Growley and Squirrel." Dean Winchester completes me, and that's what makes you lose your chickens.

tough but fair

boop boop tracking

oh nic, you thought the heavenly politics plotline was done, sweet summer child

DEAN Okay, see, the deal was we howl at the moon -- no time stamp, no expiration date. CROWLEY We've howled. We've bayed. We've done extraordinary things to triplets, all of which have been massively entertaining. I will treasure our Flickr albums forever.

porn of dean with crowley and triplets, okay. that's... a lot

CROWLEY Think of it --the king of hell, Dean Winchester by his side. Together we rule. Together we create the perfect hell. And all of this that's bloomed between us never ends. We're not ending the party. We're just moving the party. Out with the club circuit, in with the stadium tour.

all right so he's tolerating dean's hot demon summer earthly antics but really just wants dean to be his knight in hell

DEAN He traced the call. CROWLEY My bad. I guess he'll be here by morning -- the latest. DEAN You sold me out. Well, that's just lovely. CROWLEY I don't know what's going on with you. I truly don't. But I've had just about enough of it. Sold you out? Try “doing you a favor.” everything I've done for you for the past six months -- the mark, the First Blade, midwifing you back to life, offering you a seat by my side -- has been a favor, a gift, whether you see it or you don't. Take the night. Decide. You know where to find me.

midwifing mhmm.

i'm vaguely aware of some stuff that happens between sam and demon!dean but i don't know the timeline per usual. though i did sneak a look at something so i know when it ends episode-wise

feel like we (i) need a comparison chart of soulless vs moc!demonization

more karaoke? please. 😩 this little drama with the woman from the roadhouse, i guess they're trying to show facets of how he's different and how he's not? like there must be part of him still in there if he suggests they go somewhere together?

and sam's kidnapped, okay. insert me complaining about too much shit happening. there's some little guitar riffs in this scene that remind me of twilight, hard. i thought it was in the scene where edward comes racing in to save bella from getting assaulted with his fancy volvo moves, but wasn't. not worth trying to dig up i'm sure

DEAN No, you listen to me. There's no trade. There's no meet-up. There's no nothing -- except the 100% guarantee that, somewhere down the road, I will find you, and I will kill you. COLE Well, that'll be a cold comfort to your dead brother. DEAN I told him to let me go. So whatever jam he's in now, that is his problem. COLE Yeah, well, I'll be sure to pass that on to him as I'm slitting his throat. DEAN Yeah, you do that, 'cause he knows me. And he knows damn sure that if I am one thing, I am a man of my word.

i dunno. i can see how this should be fun, in theory. i am not feeling it and it feels like a pacing plus the couldn't-care-less angel stuff being wedged in issue. and/or i'm extra weary of inter(intra)brother stress

almost prolonged this to 4 days because i can't shut up and it's late

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello! I just found your blog and I'm already kind of impressed and obsessed!

Can I request an Obey me, Attack on Titans, and Demon Slayer and if you have the motivation Spy x Family matchup!

Name: I've been going by Cael and Lemon!

My Pronouns are she/her, but it really doesn't matter that much to me.

I'm a sex indifferent (leaning repulsed) asexual and a romantic favorable aromantic with really no gender preference.

My MBTI type is INFP-T and I think I'm a Virgo rising.

Appearance: I'm around 166 cm and I have ivory skin and greyish blue eyes. I have a lot of scars on my arms from animals and some from accidents as a child and One scar on my upper lip from a bouncy house incident when I was 10-11. I have medium curly, short hair that is almost always kept in a ponytail and I have curly fringe bangs. I have an hourglass figure, but relatively small chest and butt. I also have a condition where there are small red bumps on my upper arms and lower legs that I've had since I was like 5 and I'm really insecure about it. I also where glasses because my eyes suck. I'm kind of skinny, but have some muscle mass and I'm working on getting more.

Personality: I'm kind of a people pleasure and I can't stand to hear people fighting as I associate yelling with physical harm and I get really quite and I try to make myself smaller when I'm being yelled at or around people yelling. I usually have a hard time focusing when people talk to me and I show a lot of signs of adhd. I don't usually talk a lot, unless I'm around someone I trust and I have horrible anxiety when talking to new people. I do really like spending time with people though and I have a soft spot for protective and soft people, but at the same time I really like dominate people. I love laughing and usually surround myself by humorous people. I crave physical contact, but I'm very hesitant to actually touch anyone and I get really twitchy when someone stands next to me. I have an anxiety tick where my shoulders will jolt forward if someone I don't know or trust is standing near me. I'm also very attentive and if someone asks for my help I will be by there side as fast as I can. It takes a lot to get me to talk, unless you trigger one of my interests in which case it seems like I won't shut up. I'm a bit of a workaholic as in if I don't have anything to do I will kind of just rearrange my house so I have something to do. I love exploring and mysteries as well! I also have a tendency to cry when I'm angry, but I rarely cry when I'm actually sad.

Likes and Dislikes: I love reading, cooking, writing, video games, anime, languages, other counties cultures, cats, birds, snakes, and moths. I also tend to get in and out of toxicology and botany.

I really don't like yelling or loud noises, unless its music, and bright lights tend to freak me out too, as well as to much physical sensations. Curtain sounds such as towels and paper make me freak out too. I also hate mushy textures and foods like yogurt or applesauce. Self depricting jokes also set me off.

Hobbies: Reading, Writing, volleyball, weight lifting, and music.

Any extra information: I don't have a very good relationship with my family and I crave positive attention and compliments. I just really want someone to tell me that I'm enough. I also really love when people lightly trace over my skin, though usually I only let my bestfriend do it.

don't forget to drink water

~💞🍋

Hi Lemon! Aah, thank you! You're the first person to has said they're obsessed with my blog! I hope you like your matchup!

In Obey Me, I match you with...

A quietly supportive partner. He won't praise you excessively, but when he does, you know he really means it.

Enjoys spending rare moments where he's not busy reading with you on the couch. He'll be reading over your shoulder and softly running his fingers over your arms. He doesn't even realise he's doing it.

Doesn't raise his voice around you. He's used to yelling at his brothers but he'll tr his best to make sure he doesn't yell at them when you're around.

He never wants you to feel uncomfortable. As soon he notices your anxiety tick, he's scanning his surroundings to see who's standing too close to you and he's moving either the demon or you.

Enjoys listening to you talk about your interests. He can't promise he has much time but if you want to talk about your latest interest, he'll set aside some time for you.

Lucifer loves your cooking. He may tweak the chores slightly so you do more cooking (but only if that's okay with you).

In Attack on Titan, I match you with...

Mikasa is very good at making you feel cared about without being over the top about it.

She cares deeply about those she lets in and if that includes you, she wants to make sure you know that.

Mikasa's very quiet so you won't have to worry about loud noises from her. If someone else (Jean and Eren) start being too loud, she'll deal with it quickly and effectively.

Enjoys cooking with you. She needs some peace in her life and she finds spending time with you relaxing, especially if you're both working on something together. Cooking provides the perfect solution to that (even if she has to fend Sasha off with a spatula).

Very attentive of her surroundings. If someone looks like them might be getting too close to you, she's moving to stand between you and them.

No one's making her partner uncomfortable on her watch.

In Demon Slayer, I match you with...

Another quiet one. No loud noises are coming from this guy.

He also doesn't like loud noises so if things are getting too loud, he's grabbing your hand and leading you somewhere quieter.

He's not great at praising people but he'll try to complement you as frequently as he can. Whether it's a complement on your outfit, how you handled a situation, or your cooking, he'll give you little complements when he remembers to.

Speaking of cook, Giyu doesn't cook a whole lot but enjoys your cooking. If you'd like him to join you, he's more than happy to help.

Enjoys spending time relaxing with you, reading and listening to music. Giyu would love it if you would read out loud to him.

Just be prepared for him to fall asleep. He's overworked and your voice is very relaxing to him.

If he notices your anxiety twitch, he's going to lean in closer and ask if there's anything he can do to help. If he can help, he'll do whatever he can to help you feel more comfortable.

He'd be grateful if you could do the same for him. He's not great at asking for help but even just having someone consider him means a lot.

In Spy x Family, I match you with...

Yor is the perfect person to give you positive attention and compliments!

She's a great support person and she'll remember the smallest details about you just to she can see you smile when she presents you with a book you've been meaning to get for a while.

Please teach her how to cook. She's more than willing to learn and she'd love to be able to cook something for you one day that actually looks (and tastes) good.

Despite her assassin skills, she's not great at noticing when people are getting too close. They don't register as a threat to her.

But as soon as she sees your anxiety tick, she's politely asking the person to move. If they're being obnoxious, she's resorting to violence while apologizing profusely.

Not a super loud person (unless she's drunk) and she's very aware of noises so if something sounds like it's getting too loud, she'll try to take care of it before it becomes a problem.

[princessfayebug]

Aww hi there!~ Can I request some platonic ROTTMNT headcanons with a sibling reader, but instead of them being a turtle, they're a fat-tailed gecko! (have you seen them? they're so cuteeee) 〜⁠(⁠꒪⁠꒳⁠꒪⁠)⁠〜

they're around the same age as Mikey — the older siblings have their work cut out for them; if Leo and Donnie are the disaster twins, then Mikey and Reader are the Sun and Moon twins :')

Mikey's the Sun: bright, loving, bubbly, encompassing warmth and lively whereas Reader is the Moon: calm, soft-spoken, beautiful, serene.

as "twins" , they share a love + affinity for the arts, being comforting presences in their own way, and are both equally as terrifying/able when they're triggered w/ a healthy dose of homicidal tendencies XD /lh

I just need some sibling fluff (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠) & your writing + formatting is so cute!! can't wait to see if & whatcha come up with!!<33

stay hydrated. that is a loving~ threat. cheers! 💫

A/n:Hi there anon!! I'm so so sorry I'm just now getting to your request trust me I wanted to but I just don't have motivation to do stuff sometimes. But I decided to finally get off my butt and write because you've been waiting the longest! Hope you enjoy and again so sorry for the long wait! Also yes fat tailed geckos are adorable!! And tyy<33

Platonic Rottmnt Mikeyx Reader Headcanons(Request)

Secanrio:

Reader is a fat-tailed gecko mutant with a sibling dynamic with the turtles!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

•So everyone knows y/n and Mikey are a force to be reckoned with

•Dr.Delicate Touch AND y/n together?? Yeah you're dying tonight bud

•Y/n is usually pretty chill and calm and Mikey is always sweet and optimistic but the minute you hurt someone they love, take away something they, or just ruin something they care about they're out for blood

•Long story short y/n and Mikey are a chaotic duo

•Y/n and Mikey both loooooove art so they're always working on projects together

•April:Uhh Mikey what are you doing? And where's Y/n?

•Mikey:We're painting the lair to make it look nicer! Y/n should be back in a minute they're out getting more paint and supplies

•I feel like Mikey and Y/n would be like the "matchmakers" of the family and would just constantly try to set their older siblings up with their crush or something

•I also feel like Y/n and Mikey are both good listeners and good at helping people sort through their feelings but in different ways

•Mikey would have you talk things out

•And y/n would have you do some kind of breathing exercises and calming activities to ease your mind

•Separately these methods are just ok but together they can really help resolve arguments and misunderstandings. Not always but it helps alot

•And for that reason they've been dubbed the "therapy twins"

•They're always using the "but we're the youngest" card to get out of trouble when Splinter gets upset

•When Draxum got on their side y/n took a little longer to get on board with it than Mikey did but eventually came around and helped back Mikey up when he defended Draxum

•Mikey's the "follow your dreams! Do what your heart tells you!" twin and Y/n is the "Lets be realistic, is this really practical?" twin

•Dont get me wrong y/n is all for following you dreams but ya gotta be rational and realistic about it

•Y/n and Mikey made cute little charm bracelets for everyone including their favorite colors, something they like, and something unique to each sibling

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Hope you enjoyed, I tried my best! Also sorry if there are any typos I proof read it twice but sometimes I miss stuff until after posting it

[wooahaes]

I'm really glad you're doing well. I think motivation can be something that's really hard to get back, but I don't think trying to force yourself helps either. I'm glad you've found a way of writing without as much pressure! What are you using for your digital paintings? Tablet/iPad/other? What apps do you use? How do you get them to look so realistic?! I'm currently trying to improve my drawings skills haha. Please take care of yourself too! I genuinely love talking to you!! 🍧

motivations def hard to get back and i think sometimes i Do have to force myself to sit down and write Something (my writing prof in college called it "butt in chair hours" bc it helps build a habit of sitting down and writing), but i know if its not coming then i need to lay off and not force myself too hard.

digital paintings are an iPad (idk the model or anything, i can check and get back) + an apple pen! its technically my mothers but i'll borrow it sometimes.

admittedly i need to go back onto my posts and edit them with a link to pictures because technically i'm not really an artist as much as i'm someone who's learning (but im not getting any reblogs for my silly drawings and i don't really tag them). i grew up drawing stuff based off of certain anime styles, and ive kinda moved toward realism more in recent years as a way of practicing anatomy better. when i work on an ipad, i end up tracing pictures because i'm usually doing it for practice on shading n whatnot. like this was traced from a pic of baeseung with a puppy (i'd have to see if i can find it online--he posted it to weverse and i usually save his cute face), this was pulled from a pic of chris where i wanted to do some practice on painting vaguely, but my traditional stuff like this cheollie and this hao were referenced (the hao one doesn't have a ref pic w it since i was working off a screenshot of a gif--i'd have to find the gose episode and get the screenshot myself).

i dont rly view myself as an artist tbh as much as i'm just someone who enjoys drawing and is trying to learn more. all i can rly offer is just what other ppl have said in the vein of "practice practice practice"

[pipermca]

Writing Year in Review - 2022

On the one hand, I really like doing "year in review" posts and musings. It gives you a chance to look back on what you've accomplished, and lets you prepare yourself for what you want to do in the year head. On the other hand, if your accomplishments didn't measure up to whatever yardstick you're using, it can be a disappointing and demoralizing experience.

This year was, in my opinion, a rather lackluster year for writing for me. It's definitely not for a lack of ideas or interest – if anything, my WIP folder and ideas list are filled with all sorts of stories that I really want to finish. What has been lacking is the time, energy and motivation to apply butt to seat and get some writing done.

That's not the only thing I "failed" at – I came nowhere near my reading goal of 24 books. But there was a book I finished in the summer that had bogged me down for years and I was determined to finish it, which I did! And I'm working my way through The Expanse series by checking the books out of the library. (I'm about 75% done with the series!) I think I'll be scaling my reading goal back to 12 books again this year, so that I can feel pleased when I blow past it. 😅

However, I am trying to be kind to myself, as there were a lot of competing priorities and distractions. I struggled with anxiety of a whole variety of things. I buried myself in video games (specifically grabbing some titles recommended by others), and the new WoW expansion came out in November which has sucked up a lot of my time in December. And since the pandemic is over now (huge, massive /sarcasm tag on that) we spent time travelling: first heading west to see Spouse's family, and then driving east to visit my family.

This summer I got to hug my parents for the first time in three years.

Anyway, with all that happening, I am happy with what I did get done. December was a complete bust (see previous bit about WoW: Dragonflight coming out) in that I only wrote 735 words, but I also worked on the photocomic I posted in December.

In 2022 I posted 10 works to AO3, for a total of 47,609 words. A lot of that was either zine pieces that I could finally publish, or comic scripts. I also wrote 84,544 words. A chunk of that was for the IDW2 worldbuilding reviews (which I really have to get back to), and for a WIP that I haven't started posting yet.

Most months I didn't hit that 10,000 word threshold I have for myself, but that's ok. For the most part I was still writing consistently, even if the output wasn't quite as high as I would have liked. Looking at my writing tracker, you can also see the slow trend downwards in word count per week... Not great, but understandable.

 When I did get some writing done, my words per hour were still rather consistent. Last year I averaged 500-600wph, while this year it's more like 600-800wph. Not bad! I just need to carve out more time to do that writing in my day. 💗

And speaking of making time to write, here's another graph where you can see the slow erosion of the time I spent writing. There was a big burst in September (as I think that's when my muse really wanted to work on that smutty story with Prowl) but otherwise I've been spending less and less time writing as the year went on.

As for the concrete goals I set for myself in 2022, I didn't do terribly. I originally posted these in order of priority.

Finish Must Like Cats Yes! Done!

Finish Sun and Moon (working title) Haha no, but still working on it

Apply for two zines (if something catches my eye) Mmm, I applied for one*. So, 50%.

Write two comic scripts for practice I wrote one, so again, 50%.

Finish The King and the Bounty Hunter Nope.

Start By Fire and Flame (working title) Hahhaa no.

*No word on if this zine is getting off the ground, and I'm not holding my breath at this point.

In coming up with priorities for this year, I want to make sure they're obtainable, and focused on getting stuff done. (sigh) So here's this year's list:

Finish Sun and Moon (working title)

Finish one Sparkr story (any of my bunnies or WIPs!)

Write two comic scripts for practice

Make more progress in IDW2 reviews

Finish The King and the Bounty Hunter

Also, one of my "maintenance" goals is to repost the stories I pulled down. I have a couple of story compilations, and the fact that they're in compilations have caused me some issues (for example, it's difficult to link to a specific chapter in some cases, and I can't include a single chapter in a series.) So I'm going to be revising and reposting those stories in 2023.

Behind the cut is the first sentence of each of the stories I posted, and the month it was posted in. I hope everyone has a lovely 2023.

January. Armed. We're in a medical bay. (This is a comic script; you can view the comic here.)

March. Must Like Cats. Sideswipe woke slowly, rising out of recharge one system at a time.

April. Private Parts. A heavy arm fell across Blast Off's shoulders.

May. An Interview with the Award-Winning Engraving Artist Sunstreaker of Kaon. At first glance, the studio looks empty, almost abandoned.

June. The Wild Hunt. Hot Rod couldn't remember when he'd first heard about the Wild Hunt.

July. Time Together. Emperor Starscream watched as Skywarp bounced on the tips of his pedes, his wings flicking with every bounce.

August. Quiet Now. Hound felt like the unluckiest bot in the galaxy.

October. How the Praxians Lost Their Wings. "Kup, tell Dinobots a story."

November. VIP. "In conclusion, this operation should result in an estimated 63% reduction in the Decepticons' offensive ability, and provide us with an additional two months in which we can work with our human allies to fortify our defenses."

December. Mission Creep. Jazz is driving in alt mode. (Another comic script; you can view the comic here.

[egg-emperor]

My dude, its not that your content is boring, or you are a bad writer, or that people hate you. Quite the contrary, you are incredibly creative and passionate and that is always a delight to see. The thing is you are on a dying website on a fandom that tends to be the butt of jokes (so most people dont want to be associated with it) and you write about one of the last popular characters there. Its a niche community, thats why your posts dont reach a big audience. (1/2)

I can't help but feel that way lately ever since my instrusive thoughts came back bad the worst they've ever been and it feels like everyone is proving all the horrible things my mind is telling me about myself and my work to be true. It just seems like people don't really care about what I have to offer anymore, like I can't entertain anymore so now I'm worthless. The idea that my creations that make me happy makes others happy too is one of the only things that kept me going and motivated to share more but it feels like it's dwindling. I appreciate you and everyone else that has been supporting me and I'm glad you still enjoy my content. I don't want to seem ungrateful but my mind is being nasty to me and seeing how a lot of people seem to be losing interest across all three of my blogs more than ever is getting me down even more.

It's a shame that the site is dying when Twitter is garbage that kills the passion and creativity of many. Yeah that might be a part of it but I definitely have a more active follower base than it seems most of the time. I notice this when a bunch of people following me only like/rb/interact with stuff I reblog and clearly scroll past my self made posts in between. And yeah Eggman isn't that popular, especially not modern/game canon. But I'm even starting to feel like an outcast to the Eggman fandom space here (despite being here before most since 2015 when there were barely any Eggman posting blogs. I was the one accused of gatekeeping for not liking jimbotnik but I'm the one feeling pushed out and alienated now lol) because I don't like the movie and I'm not big on the popular romantic ships, headcanons, and fanon interpretations now. It just feels like everything I do is wrong and what I have to offer is never good enough, or the interest doesn't last because I don't do all the new things that are considered cool now.

Undoubtedly part of it is also that I write more. But fuck man, art is hard and even harder when you have to digitalize it on a phone. It's become more stressful than fun so I can't do it a lot. I just wish that fandoms didn't always make creators feel like writing doesn't matter and isn't as good as art. I've seen people entirely disregard writing and automatically assume it to be trash just because it isn't art. And a lot of people don't tend to support writing like they do with art, even if they do like it. But I wish people understood that creators need at least some support if they want them to keep creating, otherwise they won't think it's worth it or anyone cares. We're not mindless content machines to pump out content and entertain until people get bored of us. Both art and writing takes time, passion, and effort and a bit of support goes a long way but sometimes you get nothing but silence and it can be more crushing than hate at times, left to wonder if your creations were even worth your time to create or anyone else's to consume.

But aside from that, what also gets me down is that I do actually see people supporting other's writing and encourage more from them but I don't get any of that type of support, feedback, or criticism from those very same people when it comes to mine, despite them being so similar. I tend to get brushed off or ignored or nowhere near as much hype. And I know it sounds like jealousy but it honestly just makes wonder what, is it just my stuff specifically that's just not good enough for them? And it just never seems good enough, no matter how hard I try. I realize there are times it is in fact personal and I have no idea why because they don't tell me and I feel terrible when it ends up confirming my fears, then I worry if it's always the case. That's the stuff that hurts the most, more than people just outright telling me if they don't like or aren't interested in my stuff anymore, which would hurt less.

I know not everyone thinks I should die really but it's easy to think that way in times where I get insults and suicide bait from people shitting on me and what I do more than I get positive or supportive comments. So that's why it feels like people just want me to die, I'm told so in my inbox. I'm not saying I demand endless high praise but just someone simply saying they enjoyed something I posted instead of just silence has a way bigger positive impact than they think but some don't anymore. And if there's a reason why or it isn't personal, I wish they'd tell me so it puts my mind to rest, instead of pretending I don't see blatant disinterest or the ignoring that drives me mad and kills motivation. The hateful people are more vocal and then it feels like nobody else cares and it drags me down.

I swear some people, both general followers and some people I'm closer to are just losing interest and getting sick of me personally and it's hard seeing it happen and seemingly being unable to do anything, making it feel like my time of being capable of doing anything good and likable in their eyes has passed. And it's just hard accepting that and letting it go, especially when you never get the real answers and you're left wondering what went wrong and why you're not good enough anymore. I've had moments of realization where my heart sinks when I present something I'm proud of and I get unenthusiastic responses or silence. And feeling either people drift away or being insulted more often than anything positive gives my sick brain a lot to work with in further attacking me with nasty intrusive thoughts too. But like I said, that last part is on me and I feel I'm just genuinely too mentally ill to handle being on the internet.

I appreciate all of you that do support me and my passion and creations, it might just look silly on the surface with my rambling and gushing but what I create is important to me and it means the world to me that it's enjoyed by anyone else. It gets tough with my mind and negativity I receive but I try not to lose sight of the positive things or forget people enjoy my work, which makes it worth turning my passion and ideas into something I can share. I'm trying to get better at not letting negative and hateful stuff matter and only value the good but sometimes when I'm already dealing with enough privately and come online and see this happening too, it's the little extra push I need to reach the breaking point. But at the same time, when I'm in some of my darkest places with things I don't talk about, coming online and seeing kind words and knowing my stuff is enjoyed means everything and manages to put a smile on my face, no matter how awful I feel. And that's what keeps me creating and sharing for as long as I'm here. Thank you. 💜

[millennial-midlife-crisis]

The Fucking Acceptance That Mediocrity Is The Most To Which I Could Ever Aspire - It Was The Highest Level I Could Ever Reach

Nothing ever changes; it's the same every bleeding day. --Leah, "Beautiful Thing," 1996

First of all, that movie, which once gave me so much hope and inspired me, is 26 goddamned years old. I have more years as a reached-the-age-of-majority person than as being minor.

Frankly, that is uncalled for and superbly disrespectful!

This week I turned 40. I spent the day working (translating a clinical assessment tool that is really just a semi-structured interview to help clinicians measure adaptive behavior for peeps with intellectual and developmental disabilities/delays and autism). Yes. I realize I just wrote peeps unironically and as though it is the appropriate language register for the type of document I translated. It isn't. I recognize that fully. Though I have the literal and achievable ability to grasp my wireless mouse, double click, and start writing a more appropriate word like "people" or "individuals," I'm not going to do that. I don't wanna.

Anyway, I got a few text messages on my birthday. One call. The caller has an ulterior motive, and frankly, I don't trust her when she speaks b/c she is very often convinced of the lies that flow from her mouth like sewage flows into the ocean from the City of Angels. Even if an angel shits on you, you still get shit on. I can't imagine that would evoke any feelings of astounding pleasure. Unless, of course, shit is your thing. If it is, then, by all means, swim in shit. Who am I to yuck somebody's yum? I don't have to go swim in the shit. Of course, living with a swimming-in-shit-makes-me-feel-human type might have secondary or tertiary effects of which I cannot claim any awareness or knowledge, nor do I desire to gain either.

I understand people are busy. The last few close relationships I have are but friendships or familial in nature. All platonic (of course, the familial ones are platonic! I am not living a DadCreep or TeamSkeet kind of life). I am not a major priority - or a priority at all - in anyone's life. That has never been a thing. It probably won't ever be a thing. Looking at it rationally and with some logic, this makes complete sense. Barely more than an insufferable faggot with a superiority and righteousness complex, it is amazing that anyone talks to me ever. Coupled with my did-not-even-get-nominated personality, I have the body shape of a cunting Pop-Tart®, and hair has started to grow out of my ears and nose. You could also braid my back, butt, and brow hair, as well. Suffice it to say, no one is getting hard-on or feelings of amour or excitement when it comes to me.

The fact of the matter is I am viciously realizing and simultaneously coming to grips with the fact that all of the self-help-magical-thinking-change-your-perspective-avoidant bullshit I have been trying to make change my life over the past TEN YEARS is never going to do anything but delay the necessary acceptance of the fact that I am not now, was not ever, and never will be anything spectacular. For the past week, this frantic invasion of the facts into my conscience has left me snarling my face into a one of disgust, disdain, and disgraceful judgment the way one might do when their nostrils are assaulted by the odor of ripe genital discharges that have gone unaddressed and been left to mix with the dead skin cells that flake off of the body when they are no longer useful.

I am also bipolar. I might be hypomanic right now.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2019. That seemed like a bunch of bullshit. Fast forward to 2020, right before the lockdowns started, I had been awake for about two days working and coming up with a slew of "great ideas" that tend to manifest themselves when I am bipolaring unchecked, and one of them was to drive drunk. That was not a good idea, and I went to jail. After a year of court, I was found guilty, because I was fucking drunk despite the fact I was so manic that I did not feel drunk. You could not have convinced me I was drunk until I got the blood-alcohol levels back. I was, in fact and without a doubt, drunk. Now, I have six weeks left on my year's worth of probation. I haven't had a drink in almost two years.

Being manic is better than being depressed, though. Not drinking really has been a good decision since I cycle much less frequently than before. I do not dream and fantasize about dying as much. Now the depression is just a few days of constant, dull-numb pain that makes my whole body feel like it is throbbing in time with my heartbeat. In those times of depression, I just hope that I go to sleep and never wake up. So, an improvement from what it used to be like.

After the past two years, I cannot rationally (or with any of my liberal senses) fantasize that I could ever be seen as something grand or worthwhile. Once when I apologized to a former friend for being terse with him, his response was Я сам не подарок (I'm not a gift myself). If only I had been committed to that reality about myself all those years ago, I might have been able to accept my common-ass mediocre self and saved some time doing mental gymnastics.

I'm not mad.

I'm not sad.

I am mediocre.

[willowser]

what do u do when u cant create?? been starring at this empty document hhhh ;-;

oh friend !! 🥺 our creative little brains are such a fickle thing !!

i know how this feels and it's awful ! bc you want to and the words just wont word ! i hate to say this but — sometimes i just can't, either 🥺 i will get everything ready for myself, and it just doesn't happen ! and i don't think we are alone in that feeling, which is good news ! bc it means there is nothing wrong with you or your ideas; it just happens to the best of us.

typically, i have kind of a checklist of things that i go through, to see if there is something i need to change. now you could definitely say these are all just excuses LOL and they probably are BUT — if i'm not in the right place or setting; if i've not got the right music or ambiance queued up; if i'm writing something that requires more thought and i simply Do Not have the brain power at the moment — these are all things that i take into consideration !!

sometimes i can't write at my desk and need to be more comfortable. sometimes i can only write when i am out of the house and anywhere else. sometimes i have to have music with words, to get me into the right head space, and sometimes i have to listen to instrumentals only ! sometimes i do not have the energy to deep dive into dabi's psyche and just need to write a tiny fluff piece for bkg instead. idk !

something else i'm slowly learning and am having THE hardest time accepting — is that i am just tired out 😮‍💨 i think about writing for all hours of the day. literally. and i think i've been overloading myself on it and my brain is like PLEASE GOD CAN I REST. and until i give it that, it is not going to work with me anymore LOL

i wish that i had a better answer or even a slightly coherent one for you !! but creating is an art and a talent, just as much as it is a hobby ! you can't always force it and that's okay ! i think the process of creating involves consuming, as well, and if that means you need to play a video game or watch a movie or read something, then that's what you need to do ! reading something so well written sometimes motivates me to get off my butt LOL and playing a game in the same theme of what i want to write will give me more concrete setting or details to add and it kind of gets the ball rolling for me.

here is to you friend !! 🌸💐✨🌻 i hope that your brain is healthy and that the words find you exactly as they need to ! please take care !!

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

Hiiii Em!!!

I'm so glad you are back! Hope you rested and had time for yourself!

I read your response to my very last ask and I'm glad your cat is better now. Hope her butt is not naked anymore lol.

I have been a bit distracted from social media but I still kinda took time to see the notifications that I got from your blog and to like your posts.

You are the only HOTD related blog I follow (and to be honest the only reason I made a Tumblr account), so im so so happy you're back to posting and interacting with us!

Oh, also! I read the snippet/draft from the next instalment and it was great! Poor babey and her daddy issues... I'm sooo excited to see what's next and how you build this storyline towards The Dance. (I hope it was a snippet cuz that's what I recall, otherwise I'm making a fool out of myself lol.)

I don't know what else to write so... Bye!

Love,

-V. ✨

Hello, V! Sorry it took so long to get to this ask, but I am HERE NOW MUAHAHAHAHA!

My baby kitty is PERFECTLY fine now. Her fur has grown completely back, which she’s a little sad about because she fucking loves the Nakey Butt song I sing her (I’ve modified the lyrics to ‘It’s a pretty Molly with NO nakey butt, no nakey butt, no nakey butt’ etc.), but otherwise she’s great. I actually think she’s better than ever before - something about this horrible ordeal has made her so incredibly loving? IDK, she used to be a bit stingy with affection and now I can’t get her to fuck off ever, it’s like she’s trying to tell me how grateful she is and I can’t cope with that because she’s too PURE FOR THIS EARTH!

I was a longtime Tumblr lurker before I made this side blog, so I totally get your making a Tumblr just to interact with certain things (though can I say how boggling it is to be a motivating factor in that?? Oof). I think for me, it was back in 2012 so I could read Josh Hutcherson fanfic after the Hunger Games took over. The me of 2024 does not share 2012 me’s tastes, let’s just say haha.

And yes, you’re correct on the snippet! I’m trying to think of where to dump that into my current WIP fic placement-wise, as I do want to space out some of the trauma and provide opportunities for smutless interactions as well. I also don’t know how awful I intend to make it—seriously considering having them do like medieval ageplay kink that really pushes the boundaries, IDK. It’d be an interesting way to revisit earlier dynamics in a recontextualised setting, kinda like a disturbing full-circle. I just have to do more research to figure out if that’s something that would make sense in a medieval setting. I’m trying to expand the borders of their relationship, especially in light of the ways in which I’m sure Daemon is starting to become aware of the fact that Babey is catching up to him in terms of facing adulthood; being a mummy would be a strong maturing factor, I’m sure, and he’s gotta get his dominance kicks somewhere.

I’m excited to be back, and hopefully posting more frequently! YAY!